#i wrote an entire fic here guys jesus christ

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

okay you horny people, I wrote a quick follow up to that Sihtric library fic I posted earlier.

warnings: 18+! smut!!!

Part 2. (here is part 1)

'You wish to be railed in the backroom, lady?' Sihtric grinned

Oh, sweet Jesus, it's like he can read my thoughts, yes, please…

Your hands were trembling as you tried to unlock the library door, and you heard Sihtric chuckle in your ear while his hands trailed all over you, pressing his body against yours from behind.

Oh shit, he's so fucking hard, you sighed loudly. Wait, focus… focus, unlock this goddamn door first. The lock clicked open. Finally!

You turned around and before you could even blink, you already felt Sihtric's lips back on yours.

Jesus, Mary and Christ, this man is eager. Oh…o-okay, oh, you felt his tongue in your mouth while he cupped your breasts, is he trying to kill me because-

Sihtric broke the kiss and let out a mischievous laugh, pushing you inside the library and locking the door behind him. You took his hand and pulled him with you, towards that backroom you had been thinking of earlier. You bit down on your lip with a grin as you turned around to face him while leading him with you.

Surely, I have to thank this fine man for saving me from "the creep"…

Sihtric smirked and licked his lips while looking you up and down. He wanted to be thanked by you, in every possible way.

'So you do this often then?' he asked.

'What? No!' you smiled, pulling him into the dim lit backroom, which was where the damaged books were kept. 

I'm not some kind of slut… you looked at him as he stepped closer.

You know what, I lied. I AM a slut right now... I'll gladly be a slut for you, sir.

'How do you wish to be treated?' Sihtric asked, pushing you against a half filled book cabinet.

Like a whore, please...

'Nicely,' you smiled, innocently batting your eyelashes.

'Nicely?' Sihtric asked, moving his hand up in your hair and giving a tug.

Oh my fucking GOD. Take me. Take me now. Fill me with that hard cock…

Sihtric smiled and hummed, 'hm, nicely?' he asked again, moving his other hand to push up your skirt, 'now be honest, miss. How do you wish to be treated? Nicely?' he trailed his hand up your thigh, 'or do you wish to be treated like a little slut?' he smirked.

I'm going to pass the fuck out... 

You clumsily grabbed onto the book shelf behind you as you looked at the wildly arousing man in front of you, whose fingers already had a grip on your see through tights. You were both breathing hard.

'I want to be your slut, please,' you whined, to which Sihtric's eyes darkened. 

Use me. Every part of me, please. Please, I fucking beg you, kind stranger...

Your heart was beating out of your chest when Sihtric suddenly pulled at your tights. You heard the fabric rip as he tore it to pieces, so you didn't even have to bother pulling them down for him.

Oh my god... 

'Oh my god!' you breathed, holding onto that shelf for dear life as your knees were trembling underneath you.

Ravage me…

'Don't worry, baby,' Sihtric cooed with a raspy voice, leaning his forehead against yours, 'I will fucking ravage you.'

How the fuck did he know I-

Sihtric pulled down your panties with one swift move, then turned you around, bending you over as he pushed your skirt up further and slapped your ass cheek hard, all within a split second.

'Oh, fuck!' you screamed, grabbing onto the bookshelf again, which you were now facing, trying to grasp what was happening.

Oh, god, he's rough. FUCK, he's so hot…

you breathed hard when you heard Sihtric unbuckle his belt behind you, and the sound of his jeans falling down made you moan.

I wonder how big his-

'Oh, fuck! Oh my god! Oh! Ohhhh, god!' you cried out, your fingers desperately scratching to keep a grip onto the cabinet, as the kind, new guy in town pushed his entire length inside your dripping wet folds.

Oh, jesus, he's really fuck big…

You moaned as you adjusted to him.

'Too big for my slut?' Sihtric grinned as he leaned back, massaging your recently slapped ass cheek while he checked you out from behind, enjoying the sight of his member all shoved inside your tightness.

'No,' you exhaled sharply as you felt him slowly slide out, 'just how I like it.' 

He's going to kill me with his cock… 

'Yeah? Just how you like it?' Sihtric chuckled and grabbed your hips, slamming hard into, just once, with a loud groan.

'Oh, fuck!' you cried, one hand slipping from the bookshelf above you, landing onto a lower shelf where you kept your hand to keep yourself up.

Just give it to me already… just fucking give it!

Sihtric exhaled sharply at your thought. He was going to give it to you, no doubt in his mind.

'Are you going to be a good little slut?' he asked, pulling your hips hard against his, leaving no space, filling you up so well.

'Mhm,' you hummed, you couldn't even think anymore.

'I asked,' Sihtric slapped your ass again, 'are you going to be a good little slut for me?'

'Yes! God! Yes! I will be a good little slut for you,' you moaned, feeling him pull out again, 'I want you to fuck me real good, baby boy.'

'I'm not your baby boy,' Sihtric hissed, slamming back into you again, making the entire cabinet of books shake as he did.

'Oh, fuck!' you desperately held onto the shelf above you, Sihtric saw your fingertips turn white. 'F-fuck me, d-daddy,' you laughed with ragged breath.

Sihtric hummed, pulling out slowly again, and he leaned in, placing his hand on yours on the shelf above you, as he held your hip firmly with his other hand, locking you in.

Fuck, fuck… you breathed hard as you felt his lips brushing lightly against your ear, he's going to fucking ravage me, oh fuck…

'I am not your daddy,' he whispered and chuckled, before he inhaled sharply and said, 'you will address me with 'Lord'.'

OH MY GO-

'Oh, LORD!' you screamed out as Sihtric started slamming into you with a violent, ravaging pace. 

Your legs were shaking, the cabinet with books rattled in sync with each thrust and the sound his hips snapping into you, accompanied by his heavy grunts each time he filled you up, had to be the most delicious sound you ever heard. You moaned hard, loud, and fast and tears filled your eyes at Sihtric's insanely hard and heavy pace.

Fuck, he feels so good, oh fuck… I will be his slut every day… any time oh…

'You feel so good,' you murmured, cock drunk and almost unable to speak, 'am I… a-a good… little slut, my Lord?'

'Yeah,' Sihtric laughed wickedly as he continued his pace, 'you're such a pretty,' he grunted, 'tight, little slut for me.' 

He slammed hard and deep into you, with such force, it caused books to fall off the shelves on the other side of the cabinet.

'Oh, no… t-the… books,' you moaned. Oh whatever… oh, god, he feels so good…

You closed your eyes and smiled, biting down on your lip with tears rolling down your face as the man you met only a few hours ago was railing you good in that backroom.

'You like that?' Sihtric asked with heavy breaths.

'Y-yes, Lord,' you sighed. I don't know how much more I can take… fuck, he needs to fill me up with his cum. Oh, god, I want it everywhere. In my pussy, in my mouth, on my ass…

'Ah, fuck!' Sihtric grunted, his pace becoming a little sloppy as your thoughts made him go wild, 'I'll fill you up good,' he said as he tried to compose himself, and he suddenly pulled out.

'No!' you cried.

What the fuck!

'Get on your knees,' Sihtric ordered.

'Yes, Lord,' you said and obeyed, with your cheeks flushed, hair messy, teary eyes and a sore pussy. Anything for you, lord.

Sihtric hummed with a smile, he thought you looked absolutely stunning right now, on your knees in front of him, after he had fucked your pussy all sore and red.

'Open up,' he smiled and grabbed your chin with one hand.

'Yes, Lord,' you smiled and opened your mouth wide.

Fuck my mouth… you looked up at him, choke me with your cock…

Sihtric shook his head lightly and chuckled as he looked down at you. A pretty lady he only met a few hours ago, who seemed so innocent at first glance, and here you were; begging to have your pretty little mouth fucked.

'Be a good little cum slut now, and thank me for my help,' he husked and smiled slyly with half open eyes.

'Yes, Lord,' you sighed, bringing both hands to his big, hard cock, working his length as you teased his tip with your tongue, and you looked up at him, locking eyes. 

He's so fucking big… and so hot

And then you took him in your mouth, feeling him twitch on your tongue as Sihtric let out a deep growl, grabbing the back of your head with both hands, and he started fucking your mouth almost as fast as he had fucked your pussy.

Oh fuckkkk, you looked up at him, tears rolling down your face again, I can barely fucking breathe, you moaned, but if I suffocate…. What a way to go…

Sihtric chuckled and gave you some air. A mixture of your saliva and his precum dripped down your chin and onto your blouse as he pulled out, and you wiped your mouth with a grin while you caught your breath.

'Already done, Lord?' you taunted, using your hands on him again.

Hmm, I'm going to suck you dry, my lord, you smiled and licked your lips as you looked up at him.

'Suck me,' was all Sihtric said, and he thrusted into your mouth as soon as you took him in again.

You felt yourself gag and breathing hard, and you moved one hand down to your core, fucking yourself with your fingers as Sihtric fucked your mouth.

Jesus fucking christ, this all feels so fucking good…

You moaned with your mouth full, feeling yourself tense up as it barely took anything to push you over your edge. Your body jerked as you fucked yourself through your own high, just when Sihtric pulled out and told you to open up again.

Please, please cum on my tongue... You opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue as you looked up at Sihtric. He kept a firm grip on your chin and brought his twitching cock to your mouth, teasing you by slapping it against your tongue before he came with an animalistic growl.

Yes, yes! Oh god, yes…

You felt his warm cum drip down your tongue and you swallowed whatever you could. And you literally had no thoughts anymore as you just sat there, in the library backroom. On your knees, on the floor, with swollen lips, red cheeks glistening from your tears, messy hair, leftover cum running down your chin while your skirt was pushed up to your waist, your panties pulled down to your ankles and your tights shredded to pieces. And you watched Sihtric nonchalantly pull up his jeans and buckle up his belt.

He crouched down in front of you and smiled.

'Is this a special benefit of having a library card?'

You chuckled as Sihtric tried to clean your face up with some tissues he had grabbed from his backpack.

'Yeah,' you smiled, 'special benefit, but only for you,' you said as you looked at him.

God, you're so gorgeous… and sweet even… trying to clean up the mess you made. Fuck, I wish I could take you home, make you dinner, do your laundry… oh for fuck sakes. God, I'm pathetic… I don't even know him and I already want to be his wife…

'How about I give you my number?' Sihtric smiled, 'and we'll pick a day to meet up soon again.'

You looked at him with big eyes.

What??? Wasn't this just a one time hookup? what the fu-

'And we'll have a date,' Sihtric chuckled lightly, 'a real date. I'll cook you dinner.'

'Oh… I– I,' you were speechless, out loud and in your mind.

'Actually,' Sihtric pecked your lips, 'I insist. To thank you for your fantastic customer service, and to get to know you better.'

******************

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[katyawriteswhump]

the power of love, part 14

Sorry about Sunday's empty post ☹️ I must've accidentally put a draft template in my queue because I am basically tired and rubbish and life isn’t the greatest right now. Anyhow.... Whoops and really sorry again!

Alternate ending S4: Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

Eddie POV

When neither Steve nor Robin show up after ten minutes, Eddie begins to freak out. 

He, Hopper and El are still waiting for the car, out of sight among some ferns. Hopper’s getting antsy, muttering beneath his breath, while Eddie’s wriggling like he’s got ants in his pants. Which he genuinely might have, though that’s not what’s bugging him:

“Uuuuh, shall I see what’s taking them so long?”

“You do that,” says Hopper. “What’s going on with that guy? He could barely stand! How the hell could he…”

Eddie tunes out, retracing their journey into the trees, calling Robin’s name then Steve’s. Maybe Steve passed out, and Robin got lost searching? Somehow, he doesn’t buy it. A heaviness slows his feet, and his guts twist sourly. 

They wouldn’t just ditch him. Surely? Surely!?! 

Fifteen minutes later, he winds up where he started: “They’re not back?” 

“What do you reckon?” Hopper’s breathing hard and red in the face. Evidently, he’s been running in circles like Eddie has.

“This is for you.” El nudges Eddie and presses a scrap of paper into his hand. “I think Steve left it.”

“What? Where?” Eddie’s stomach clamps tight again. 

Her eyes stretch very wide. “Fell out of your pack.”

Turning the note over in his hands, his fingers stiffen, as if shrinking from the task, bracing for… something. In the event, he gets a literal slap around the face.

“You make me sick,” Steve wrote.

Eddie’s skin burns with the blow. Wow! This is why I never have and never freakin’ will write love songs.

“What does he say?” demands Hopper.

Eddie scans the note one more time, scrunches it in his fist. “I’d hazard a guess he’s gone back to Hawkins.”

“Goddammit! Robin’s gone with him?”

“I think that’s a safe bet.” A wobble in the back of Eddie’s throat finds its way into his voice. Because, boy, is he still processing.

You make me sick. 

What does that even mean? To be fair, Eddie did make Steve sick. More than once. But why the heck write… that. Would suck less to be dumped without a word. 

Thanks for the overkill, man.

“Don’t you even think about scooting off,” growls Hopper. “Your uncle would never forgive me.” 

Oh yeah. Wayne. The only person who ever actually cared about him.

Eddie plonks his butt down on the ground and waits for the car.

…

Steve POV

“C’mon, giddy up,” says Steve. He and Robin make their way along the muddy bank of the stream towards home.

“Is this some kind of race?” she asks. “While I’d forgotten your former life as a douchebag jock, you’re doing a stunning job of reminding me, and… Uuuuugh!” 

“Jesus Christ, what’s wrong this time?” He spirals about, plants his hands on his hips—he’d ditched the sling a while ago. 

She scrubs madly at her lips. “I swallowed a bug! Ugh, ugh, ugh, mega-gross. Eeeeurgh!”

“Maybe if you weren’t complaining, like, constantly, there’d be less opportunities for bugs to get in.” 

“You shut up, shit-bird! I could die of malaria.” She spits into the stream. “Ew! EEEEEEEW!” 

“Ssssh! Hop said the military will be crawling everywhere soon, or—”

“Eddie might hear?” His heart heaves a loaded thud. She looks back sharply, purses her lips. “You know, he could be lost in the wilderness, all alone. Being hunted by evil army thugs. Or bears! Did you think of that when you sauntered off?”

“I did, yeah. I left him a message saying not to follow.” He shades his face from the afternoon sunlight, which shafts between the trees. Also, he can’t look her straight on and say this: “It was kinda brutal, I guess. It was for his own good, right?”

“Oh. Riiiight.”

“You done spewing insects?” he snaps.

“Still heavily grossed-out here. Gimme a minute, ’kay?” She plonks herself on a rock, crumpling forward.

He mops his brow, strips his sweater, and takes the opportunity to check in on his bat bites. They’re still sore, the bandages a bit bloody. Nothing too fresh, though. For the billionth time, his thoughts fly back to Eddie. He hopes Eddie doesn’t get hurt and need healing while they’re apart, and… Holy shit, will he ever see him again? He ties his sweater around his hips, trying to make fumbling hands look casual.

“Steve? You okay?”

“Other than the fact I’m modelling a ‘shoot-me-now-why don’t-you?’ Hellfire Club t-shirt,”—and that I want to punch myself in the face about that moronic note—“I’m good, Robin.”

“You know what? I don’t doubt it.” She brushes her flyaway hair from suspicious eyes. “You’ve gone from death’s door to super-human speed in, oh, I don’t know—feels to me that we’ve been marching for a week. I think it’s been barely an hour.”

“Yeah? We got a long way to go then.” He starts off along the stream’s edge, forcibly slowing his pace. He senses her puffing, panting, then following on his heels.

“Look, Steve, this water goddess who’s pulling you back, whispering in your ear—”

“I can’t actually tell if they’re male or female. Does that matter?”

“Not in the slightest. So, your water… deity. Have they, by any chance, enlightened you as to some kind of divine plan? Or told you exactly where you’re heading?” 

“I got an idea where I’m going, yeah.” To the second place he died, swept away on that blood-red tide—even now, he sees it in his head, like a few frames of a horror VHS stuck on eternal repeat. “Where’s the best place for army generals with dodgy agendas to hang out in Hawkins? There’s never been an army base, apart from—”

“You’re kidding me?” She grabs his elbow, jerking him back. “The Soviet tunnels?” He nods, and her obvious dread has her dropping him like a stone. “No way! I don’t think I can go anywhere near without a major panic attack."

“I’m not gonna march straight in.” He’s already wandering on. Trouble is, now he’s said the idea out loud, it’s become real and terrible. And he’s gotta pretend like his blood’s not congealing to ice. “I don’t know how I’m gonna get in anyhow. I mean, the Starcourt lift is buried under a ton of rubble. I think Hop might’ve know other ways—”

“Oooh, I got a great idea. Let’s go back and ask him.”

“Yeah, real subtle.”

“Steve!” She seizes him again, twisting him around with a furious force. “I know you want to help El, but what can you ACTUALLY DO?” He shrugs before he can stop himself. “Rain? Lightning? How does that benefit us—especially in underground tunnels? Plus you’ve had literally zero time for practice. If we don’t slow down and come up with a decent plan, this is tantamount to suicide.”

“We? Seriously, Robin, I…” His teeth clamp his lower lip. Any moment now, he’ll tell her how terrified he is, how he really, really doesn’t want to get tortured again, let alone die; how the idea of anything bad happening to her is as frightening as any of it. “I don’t think I have much choice.”

“Steve,” she says, gentler now, though her grip gouges into his flesh. “It’s screamingly obvious you’re not thinking straight. You’ve been ill for days and now you’re in a funk, beating yourself up over Eddie.”

He yanks himself free, glares. “That doesn’t make any dif—"

“Bullshit! Trust me, however ‘mean boy’ your literary masterpiece got, Eddie won’t want you to do anything this dumb. Oh, and your resident gender-fluid angel saved your life. They’re not gonna want you to sacrifice it pointlessly.”

He opens his mouth to argue, then shuts it again. He laughs—not a particularly happy laugh, but not totally miserable either. “You win,” he says, kinda sagging with relief. “You got a plan, smarty-pants?”

She laughs with him, equally edgy. “I say we go to Lover’s Lake, wait till it’s dark. If that’s too dangerous, we find some hidden pool where you can practise whatever badass moves you think you got. Hopefully without the puking. It’ll be a bit like Band Camp. But for Magic. Magic Camp. Okay?”

“You really aren’t gonna be happy until I’m a bigger nerd that any of… Shit!” 

He’s been considering hugging her. Instead, he seizes her sleeve, dragging her down into a deep, wet gully. They land with a splash, crouching low, close. She doesn’t complain, because she’s heard what he has.

The distant sound of barking dogs. Likely, army search dogs.

“Dog barks travel for miles, huh?” he whispers.

“Possibly.” She sucks in a scared breath. “One thing for sure—those sniffy wet snouts can pick up a human scent from the next county.”

“We’re in a stream, Robin. They can’t pick up our scent here, right?”

She crinkles her nose, dubious. “Dogs’ sense of smell is pretty amazing.”

“Yeah? Let’s hope this bunch caught colds or something.” 

He’s now the one clutching her way too tight, and he half-wishes he’d ditched her with a bitchy note too. Though, not quite. She smart; he needs her, and she’s really has gotten him thinking clearer: 

“We head for Lover’s Lake. C’mon.”

…

Eddie POV

When the sound of the car engine finally reaches his hearing, Eddie feels almost nothing.

“Don’t move.” Hopper pitches Eddie a forbidding look and grabs El, keeping them low behind the ferns. 

An owl hoots. Despite the hollowness in his chest, Eddie silently cracks up. Seriously? Top secret government goons can’t think of a better signal than me and Robin? 

Hopper’s grip slides to the firearm at his side. He rises slowly. “Over here.”

Peeping between the foliage, Eddie can make out a limo-style saloon with blacked-out windows. A severe-faced woman in lethal stilettos climbs out. “Chief Hopper, I presume? I apologise for the delay. O’Sullivan’s got men everywhere. We must leave right away.”

Hopper, nevertheless, remains stood well off the road with Eleven, not rushing for the car. And Eddie? 

You make me sick.

Steve’s made it simple for him. He should cut his losses and take this chance of escape. Wayne would want him to. Apart from… Eddie literally can’t. What was it that Steve said? Oh yeah. That he was being stretched in the wrong direction. Or something along those lines.

Yeah, I’m feelin’ it, Stevie. 

Nothing supernatural, nothing hinky. You kill me that bad, Babe—even after you turned meanie-King-Steve and dumped me. Oh, and went back to goddamn Mordor without me! 

Gonna trust you had your reasons, and I’m coming anyway.

He turns on his dirt-clotted heels and flees as fast as he can.

Part 15

...

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15

[duchi-nesten]

The Mr. Lancer teaches trigonometry fic.

Summary:

Mr. Lancer hated his life as it was and now he had to be a sub for the trigonometry class? Him? An English teacher?

This day couldn’t get any worse. (Or could it?)

-

Chapter 1

Word count: 1462 || AO3 LINK

1 | ?

-

Sometimes Mr. William Lancer really fucking hated his life.

Okay. Maybe it was a little bit more than just sometimes, he was an underpaid teacher after all. And also a single middle aged man with no children or pets. (Except for the wild animals he unfortunately had to call his students.)

All alone. Lonely on every wednesday afternoon. And thursday. And Friday. And Saturday too. Lonely every day of the week. Quite a sad sight indeed.

Okay his life actually sucked really fucking bad alright.

But the recent events really took the entire cake.

It was a monday when he first received the news of the terrors about to reign on his life. His last class of the day just let out and he was left behind, doing some boring teacher paperwork. Probably giving out a lot of F’s. He had an online friend from a different school that was also a teacher and that guy liked to give out a lot of F’s. He also believed in some fairly odd parents or some shit though.

Anyway, back to OUR favorite teacher, Mr. Lancer. Lonely on a monday afternoon. He was actually supposed to watch over detention, but Daniel McFucking Fenton didn’t bother to show up and he was the only student punished today.

Sometimes Mr. Lancer wondered what happened to that boy, but he always ended up shrugging it off in the end. Two more years and that boy along with the rest of the class will not be his fucking problem anymore.

He will have another enclosure of wild apes to deal with then though.

God how many more years till his retirement? He was quite old god damn it. He deserved it already.

He was brought out of his very angry and incredibly sad thoughts by a knocking on the classroom door. He snapped his head up to look at the offending piece of wood, praying that it wasn’t Daniel McFucking Fenton who decided to show up after all. He wanted to go home earlier.

Instead of his quote on quote favorite student, he saw Mrs. Ishiyama walk in. She had a bunch of papers in her hands.

The principal came to see him, great. That could only mean more work. Just his god damn luck.

Daniel McFucking Fenton would have been so much better to deal with after all.

Still he had to act civil.

‘’Hello Mr. Lancer’’ Ishiyama said as she made her way over to his desk.

‘’Good afternoon.’’ he answered.

‘’I have a favor to ask of you.’’

Oh god jesus fucking christ screw everything fuck his life this is exactly what he expected.

Instead of voicing his displeasure he simply asked ‘’what can I help you with?’’

‘’The ghost of Hipparchus who usually teaches our trig class has had a family emergency and needed to leave for the Ghost Zone.’’ she explained looking through the papers, not even making eye contact with him. Rude. ‘’Can you sub for him tomorrow?’’

Before he could react she pulled out some papers from the ones she held in hand and put it on his desk.

‘’You’re the only teacher who’s schedule aligns perfectly. Here’s the lesson plan. I know you won’t disappoint.’’ she said before quickly leaving, not giving him enough time to protest.

She knew he would protest…

And how could he not? Fucking trigonometry class? He was an English teacher for fuck’s sake!

Maybe he should really submit that resignation paper he wrote out in a moment of weakness (which was like every sunday evening) (yes he wrote a new resignation paper every sunday evening. Don’t judge the man.)

Sighing deeply, he picked up the papers left by Ishiyama. It took only 10 seconds before the contents made him start crying like a little pathetic baby.

Tomorrow was gonna be a fucking disaster.

-

And a disaster it was. Right from the first minutes after he woke up.

Turns out drowning your issues in a bottle of gin on a monday evening was not a good idea. Especially not when one had to wake up at 6 in the morning.

Which by the way he did not do.

No, the gin made him forget to set his alarm. He felt betrayed, when he woke up at 7:30 instead. Panic filled his half awoken brain as he quickly raced out of bed to get ready. School would start in half an hour and the drive there took 31 minutes!

He was out the door after only 25 seconds, which could probably land him a spot somewhere in the Guinness World Records book.

Climbing into the car his bald head hit the roof making his already growing headache even worse. The god awful song that started playing on the radio the moment he turned the vehicle on was doubling the pain even more.

This Mr. Worldwide guy really needed to shut the fuck up for a second.

Quickly switching the radio off Mr. Lancer paused to take a little breather. Alright, he just had to run one (1) light and he could be at school in time for his first class. Which thank god was actually his english class. The mathematical monstrosity of a fucking subject was his third period.

With no further ados, Lancer drove the car out of the parking lot and sped towards the school.

On the drive there he almost got ran over by the Fentons’ ghost vehicle thing with Jack Fenton at the wheel. Probably on a blind chase after a ghost that Phantom would handle before they even got there. A normal Tuesday in Amity Park.

He kinda hoped there would be a ghost attack during his third period today. Maybe the Fentons could even come and wreck the classroom. That would definitely delay the trigonometry class until Hipparchus got back from whatever he was doing in the ghost world.

That deceased man owed him for this.

Finally. At last. His journey ended when he reached the school. He parked his car on his designated spot (thank the lord they had those) and ran into the building. He burst into his classroom right as the bell rang.

Wiping the sweat off of his forehead, he glanced at his students, sitting at their desks and looking at him weirdly.

Kinda rude of them.

‘’Uh… Mr. Lancer.’’ one of his students by the name of Tucker Foley started uncertain. ‘’What are you wearing?’’

He looked down at himself and noted that he forgot to change out of his pajamas. Well that certainly explained how he managed to leave the house in just 25 seconds. No fastest morning routine Guinness Record for him after all. Dang.

‘’Focus on your books instead of my attire, Mr. Foley’’ he responded, voice filled with authority. The teenagers would eat him alive if he showed anything else than confidence in that moment. As they say, keep your head held up high and you won’t see the bottom you hit.

Okay no one says that, but still.

He swiftly turned to the blackboard and decided to go along with his lesson like nothing was wrong. He could get his spare set of clothing from the teacher's lounge later. He kept them there in case Jack Fenton ever showed up to disintegrate his clothes again.

Speaking of the Fentons, right as he finished writing today’s subject on the blackboard, the door to the classroom opened up with a slam and in ran no one other than Mr Daniel McFucking Fenton.

Late again.

Like every Tuesday.

And every other day of the week.

‘’Sorry I’m late Mr. Lancer! There was a very long crack in the sidewalk on the way here and I had to walk very slowly to not step on it and crack my mother’s back-’’ the boy stopped spitting out this nonsense of an excuse when he saw Lancer’s attire. ‘’Uh… did someone crack your back and you couldn’t change out of these clothes or…?’’ he asked after a second of staring.

‘’Very funny Mr. Fenton.’’ Lancer answered, narrowing his eyes. ‘’Maybe I should crack your back, so you can’t escape the detention I’m gonna give you today.’’

‘’It’s not like a cracked back ever stopped me before.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’What.’’

Mr Lancer put two fingers to his temple to ease the ever growing headache. He was too tired for this.

“Go sit down Mr. Fenton. We’ll talk after class.”

The boy begrudgingly dragged his feet towards his seat. Which, now that Lancer paid attention he could see he was favoring dragging the left foot a bit more.

The youth and their fucking TikTok dances. They’re gonna break all their legs one day.

With a sigh the teacher turned back to the board to start on his English lesson.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

2023, cawis created...

Last year I made a post (which I cannot find) delighted to have published 81,932 words to Ao3 over 20 fics. This year I beat that with 111,227! 25 fics new last year! and that's not including poetry or things I only posted to tumblr! How wonderful!! I'm gonna do a little commentary on each of them (and I will thoughtfully put it below the cut because as I said there are 25. There is a "horny" section with some explicit quotes so just scroll past to the next heading if you don't want to see that lol.

Comedies I like to go hehehe hahaha

Stakes Aren't Just For Vampires Cas and Dean get high and silly "You're repulsive," Dean says by rote, and he isn't sure if he meant it to but it comes out cloying and sweet, like an affectionate nickname.

The first one I posted last year! It took me until March :0 I wrote this one. For maybe a slightly mean reason haha. I saw a fic where Cas did a bet for money and I was like ?? why would CAS care about getting money?? So I tried to think of a situation where he would make a bet and this one materialized!

Did you notice! I used the old reliable Rule Of Three to make the ending of Dean not sure if he said "I love you" or just thought it more potent? He thinks and then immediately says what he's thinking twice before: Cas is perfect/"You're perfect" - Dean wants to kiss him/"I want to kiss you" - and then: "I love you Cas," he thinks he says. I chose "1000 dollars" from the CBBC comedy sketch show Stupid sketch where 2 old ladies ask how much something costs and it's a normal amount and they mishear as "A thousand pounds?! You can't expect me to buy a bun for a thousand pounds. Shame on you!! I am taking my business ELSEWHERE!". The comments won't all be this long lmao (<- edit: she's wrong)

I'll Drink To That Sam and Dean both come out as bisexual at the same time late in life and they're both flabbergasted "What, do you think about how every friend we have would be in bed?"  Dean tips his head to the ceiling thoughtfully and Sam wants to melt into the floor.  "You're horrible. I hate you. I hate spending time with you." 

The SECOND one I posted last year!! I had to cut off a joke where it's suggested that Cas may have had sex with Jesus Christ (but it's very possible he's just messing with Dean) for the sake of flow. First fic I chatted with @homoangel about so I always think of him when I think of this fic <3

I'VE CRAWLED FURTHER INTO THE VCR Cas's dream of being vored by the VCR machine is finally realised Intricate, high effort collaboration, all for the relatively unimportant end of entertaining other humans for somewhere around an hour and a half. The entire enterprise amounts to making pleasing shapes and noises for each other. Fruitless. Pointless...To spend months, years even, producing something, the only purpose of which is to waste more time…the decadence was astounding. [horny]

Speaking of fics that make me think of my friends! Wrote this for dear @castielsprostate's 1k event. Get weird get wild!! He is THE teevee angel and I love him I love him I love him for it!!!!!!

Tragedies Auogh ouch ow ouchies. Hehe <3

The Aftermath Dean and Cas have sex. It was great. Dean can't let it happen again. "He wonders - and he shouldn't, but - he wonders if Cas will sit here again, later, feeling out the absences that Dean is going to leave behind."

The THIRD one I posted this year!!! I went directly from silly silly silly to "[Dean] is a practical man, always has been. If there's something behind you that would kill you to look at it, you just don't look at it.". I think this is one of my best (<- guy who is going to say this about most of her fics sajbfhsv. I wouldn't post them if I wasn't proud of them!!)

Time/Body Problem Cas and Dean make out in the car before Cas's date in Heaven Can't Wait. It doesn't change anything. he's all sensation now, mind-body-time melted together like carved figures on a wax candle.

I wrote this and Aftermath on the same day. I was THINKING about how Dean and Cas so so so often ALMOST have it. Dean, here, is enthralled by the idea that Cas is human now and could want him (although, Cas definitely also wants him as an angel lmao but this is what Dean thinks) but also put off by it. When they kiss, he sees Cas as angelic, with a streetlamp halo, able to melt time, but when Cas is walking away from him, he's just some human guy who, crucially, can't save Dean anymore. Cas had reliably been the guy who could blast into any dangerous situation and come out on top (hot) and while that's not the only thing Dean likes about him, it WAS such a relief for scaredboy dangerlife Dean to have a guy who makes things SAFE. And now he can't. So the risk of making their relationship deeper feels even greater. Perhaps it is a selfish thought for Dean to want Cas to be able to rescue him still, but they're both in such perilous positions. He's worried for Cas too.

Oh did yous get the title by the way? It's like the mind/body problem which is, 'is the mind separate from the body or are they completely inextricable'? 'If I think of something sad and start crying while I'm hormonal, is that feeling from by body or from my mind' is how I understand it, but I'm not a philosopher haha. So time/body problem is like, all three of: Does their relationship need human senses and physical touch in order to be meaningful? Does Castiel's new experience of linear time (aka not being an angel) change how he and Dean relate to each other? And also, the more straightforward, they don't have enough time. Not to say I thought all that when the phrase came into my head, it's just bc I knew the phrase mind/body problem and mind slant rhymes with time, but that's why I liked it enough to use as a title haha.

Smoke Breaks series Dean and Cas share cigarettes at different points in their lives. Cas trails off, taking another long pull. He's going to smoke the whole thing at this rate, rude and overindulgent. Dean doesn't begrudge him, neither the cigarette nor the silence. He knows what he means. 

Someone told me in the comments that reading the first one fit exactly into their actual smoke break I was like WOAH :0!!! Smoking is, unfortunately, really sexy.......I keep trying to think of a way to add another fic to make this thing end on a positive note but the theme of smoking thwarts that haha. Inherently, it is about doing something you know is unhealthy and grey and makes you feel worse, like hunting, like endverse Cas's relationship with endverse Dean, like coming back to see the lover you hurt when you can't touch them or change anything, but it's always bitter sweet because you sometimes get that burst of relief. (That's not a commentary on smokers, just on the theme of smoking as used by this series!)

The last one I think drives that home most bluntly, "No amount of talking is going to change anything." but they still hold on to each other. Also in the last one, I just wanted them to be in kind of miserable surroundings and decided on a weird, dank, alice in wonderland themed motel room, which is a) something interesting to describe when I need space between dialogue and b) the ill-advised freaky looking murals of half-humanoid Wonderland characters is a reflection of how Castiel feels - not human enough, not Other enough, twisted out of shape and c) it 'reflects' (I'm about to do a pun) their relationship has gone 'through the looking glass' (teehee) from the understood 'brothers in arms' to a strange, uncertain place where the rules have changed.

Shaking Out The Nest John gets frustrated by Dean asking to visit Sam at college. "I talk a lot of shit, but [Sam]'s always gonna be family. He's..." the only reason I'm alive, same as you, John can't quite get to come out of his mouth, so instead he repeats, "He's good."

In the demon plane episode where it's revealed that John would rave about Sam getting a full scholarship to Stanford. I think about it SO MUCH. John loved his kids but that didn't make him a suitable parent. I wanted to explore those complicated emotions and the thought patterns that might lead him to what he does. Like I don't think it's deliberately thought out scheming malice that makes him say things that make Dean feel worthless. But he only sees him as a kid when he "fails" at being an "adult" (as in, when Dean disagrees with him) and he thinks it's his job as a parent to tell Dean to knock that off. He wouldn't see his reframing of Sam leaving to "He left both of us because of his pettiness" as playing them off against each other, even though he IS, he'd see it as telling the hard truth and trusting his son to be a grown up about it. John is very emotional and parenting just via your own emotions rather than being able to step back and go 'am I being fair? is this a reasonable response to what's actually happening?' leads to situations like John blaming Dean for the Schtriga incident or saying he should 'rot in jail' for stealing peanut butter.

Horny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Close Zoom (too close) Dean and Cas make out for the first time while watching a movie. Cas gets overexcited. [Cas] replays the experience of holding Dean; the way his eyelids had fluttered shut with relief when their mouths first connected; the lean in by increments that ended with Dean on top of him....He wants to touch him. No, he amends the oft repeated thought, he wants to touch him again. 

I also wrote this inspired by going huh??? from another fic where they watch a movie together on a date on a first date and DON'T make out like. What are we doing here gang. If they are "watching a movie" and enjoy making out, then they ARE making out before the credits roll lmao. (In MY humble opinion!!!) Obviously chose The Mummy bc Dean's bisexual and I KNOW that man is showing Cas all his Formative To My Sexuality movies as a move to try and suss out what Cas's preferences are. The Lost Boys, Mr & Mrs Smith, Van Helsing, Labyrinth, Indiana Jones, Charlie's Angels, the list goes on.... Also my first installment with Cas having a bit of a pain kink (excited by the thought of a shock collar lol which I havvve been thinking about doing something more with.)

I have. by the way. a second work in progress where Cas gets wayyy more worked up than he was expecting and Dean is similar to here, slowing him down so it's not overwhelming, so look forward to it!!!!

Thunderstruck Cas has them struck by lightening while Dean sucks him off. HELL YEAH. Emanating from Castiel are intermittent bursts of white electric light, shocking across the black sky, sketching outlines of six invisible spread wings. That same light forms thin circular halos behind Cas’s head, some small, some so massive Dean can only see them in pieces. His eyes too - completely obscured by brilliant white light. He is radiant in all senses of the word. 

hehehehe. If your boyfriend can make it safe to be struck by lightening like you GOTTA do it just for the experience. I decided to have Dean not be like, blown away by it (but he is blown away by seeing a bit of trueform Cas) and instead find it just kind of weird but not bad to try and be true to life. sometimes you try something and don't love it or hate it and that's okay! Normal part of having sex. Sex is just another activity with lots of things you can do with it. That, and, it can't all be high points lol. That's why Cas is a little subdued when Dean says he only has 6 wings. peaks and valleys :)

The Feeling Is Enough Service top Dean :) "Cas - Cas, please...please can I come?" Cas doesn't say anything, just smiles up at him adoringly.

This one was bc @faithdeans lamented the lack of service top Dean destiel and I raced to his aid. Literally Dean would LOVE doing this.

Red Velvet Lines The Black Box Vampire!Dean sucking Cas's blood :) Cas is the only angel human enough to have workable blood.... And even if there were anyone else, Dean wouldn't want them. His is the only blood in Dean's veins.

This one was bc @domesticatedangel lamented the lack of vampire destiel smut and I raced to her aid. Castiel the rebel angel being horny over being given an order that he chooses to follow of his own volition? It's more likely than you think! The unmissable return of Castiel's pain kink lmao, even moreso in the second chapter. His penis! in peril!!!!!

The Girl Is Dead. Long Live The Woman. (Anna/Pamela*) Anna visits Pamela to find out what she wants and they have sex :) "I'm not used to - being part of things still. Being touchable. I didn't make the most of it, as a human. I didn't do enough. I was afraid. Embarrassed of my own feeling. I think I wasted my life."  "Be fair. You were a kid for most of it. You didn't know who you were." 

THIS one was because @honestlyhaunted lamented the lack of Pamela/Anna smut and I RACED to their aid. You may be noticing a theme. It's quite possible that if you sigh forlornly over a lack of erotica and I see it that something will be done about it. No promises though lol.

I tried to go for a more season 4 and 5 "everyone just fully states their unique moral philosophy out loud" vibe. And a "Pamela's disability actually affects her life in a practical way" vibe that the show itself elected to ignore. I DID get distracted a few times from my goal of "they have hot sex" because I got too invested in Anna's weird life. As I said in a comment response, Anna is the butterfly that wants to squash herself back into her cocoon. She went from being very emotionally present in her body as a human to having a very flat affect as an angel again (in part because she didn't feel the need to mask her autism anymore. Anna's autistic just like Cas and Hannah and people are not saying this!!!!). And, finally. I wanted a woman to have sex with a woman using a strap on because I hadn't done that yet LOL.

*If this ship was more prominent we could be calling it Pamelanna which is very fun to say.

The Dog, the Lamb and the Butcher Dean and Crowley are having sex during their summer of love and Cas is caught watching them >:3 Then again, fairness doesn't seem to be the watchword here. Dean's looking up at him with what could be adoration, but there's a wildness to him too, a sparkling mischief that undercuts any implied promise of loyalty.  "You like me, don't you Cas? You like me. Uhhn -" A groan born out of Crowley picking up the pace again, making Dean rock into the mattress, "You like me. You like me all the time, no matter what I do. You even like me now." 

Nobody asked for this I have no one to blame but myself. I love and adore the Dean who cannot speak his feelings no matter how much he wants to but there is always room in my heart for an overemotional Demon!Dean who says and does whatever he wants because he's lost the ability to care about the consequences. We could have had it alllllll.

Ask for it Cas caught casturbating by Dean. What happens next WON'T surprise you. His breathing is labored, and he's making quiet sounds of effort, which probably have something to do with the fact that his fingers are pushing in and out of the wet, open pussy between his legs. The pace doesn't slow at Dean's interruption, giving Dean ample time to absorb the image of Cas’s long fingers being swallowed to the last knuckle. 

I am asking here now. I am the one sighing forlornly. I don't CARE that there are already 232 accidental voyeurism destiel fics. MAKE MORE. SHOW ME MORE. SHOW ME MORE. I WANT TO READ MORE. MORE SHAMELESSLY SELF-PLEASURING CASTIEL AND/OR DEAN AND THEY DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL SCRIPT FOR THIS SITUATION SO THEY'RE JUST GOING ON INSTINCT AND THEIR INSTINCT IS TO BE CRAZY HORNY ABOUT IT. SHOW ME MORE!!!!!

Ahem. Or don't teehee. This was my most self indulgent smut (and that's really saying something!!!!). I highly recommend just fuckin going for it because it means I get to reread something all the time that is exactly suited to my tastes!! Hell yeah!!

Fluff :3 this is uwu-hat uwu've aww been uwu-ating fow :3

Pretty Wife Closeted to even himself genderqueer Dean inadvertently insists that he's Cas's wife. Neither of them are opposed! "I think I understand," Cas says, nodding to himself with his 'I got it' smile, "Yes. We are playing roles. I will 'take out the trash' while you 'sit there and look pretty'."

My kingdom for genderqueer dean. He's literally butch. Helloooo!!

Okay that's all for fluff. LOL. SORRY. I post most of my fluff directly to tumblr!!

Carefully Plotted!!! These are the big ones!!!!!!!! All three of these are "One of my best".

A Light Above Descending Cas gives Dean his Grace to calm his Mark of Cain rages. He assumes Dean doesn't remember what he tells him when he's being fed, so he allows himself to be kind. He assumes Dean would prefer that he quietly sacrifice his life for him. He assumes that he hasn't got any family left who love him. He's wrong. A rat gets what a rat gets, is the phrase that repeats in his head, although he can’t speak them over the pounding of his heart, a rat gets what a rat gets.

I have talked about this one at great length in my #cawis commentary tag so I will not reiterate here. Other than that I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so proud of it and I love it so much.

The Voice In My Earpiece Thinks You're An Idiot (Jo/Bela) JoBela heist fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“If anyone touches you again, I will cut off their fingers.” The fierce darkness of the promise plunges into Bela’s stomach, like a punch. Nobody has ever made her a promise like that before. Not one she believed, anyway.  “Do you believe me?” “That would -” Bela clears her throat, finding her voice croaky - “That would blow our cover.” “I don’t care.”  She means it. Bela remembers what Jo said when they properly introduced themselves - “I make a promise, I keep it.”. Stupid, it is, to throw away their plans over a few moments of discomfort. Ridiculous. Childish. “Do you believe me?” Jo repeats, and Bela nods, jerky, unpracticed. “Yes.” She takes a breath, then says again, “Yes.”

They get the biggest quote because theyyy mean so much to meeeee. I'll probably do another cawis commentary on this at some point bc there are too many things I did on purpose to say them all here. For now: when the woman who's learned to never trust anyone comes to trust the woman who's never felt trusted. And they banter and have hot lesbian sex. ROMANCE.

In Case of Emergency S1 Faith!Dean gets a new roommate at the hospital who's weird and intense and unexplainable things happen to him at night. I wonder who it could beeeee surely no one who's significant to Dean!!! (It's S5 Cas when he did the angel banishing sigil on his own chest) One of the machines on the other side starts going crazy with noise just as the curtain is cast back in a dramatic swish. The shadow of a man looms, sinister and ominously silent. He's watching Dean, but Dean can't do the same, his face impossible to make out. A red light flashes off kilter to his head from his monitors, and Dean gets the absurd thought that it looks like a knocked off halo. 

You know it you love it it's In Case Of Emergency. I just think. They DON'T have a supernatural soulmate connection but they just get on as people. If they met at any time in each other's lives for the very first time (aside from Godstiel lol) they would end up getting along! They click! They LIKE each other!

I thought a lot about the Sam role in this fic. If you have 3 people and 2 of them want something (to hang out all the time) then the 3rd person SHOULD be getting in the way of that (closing the curtain) for a believable reason (Dean needs to rest and stop tiring himself out with this random stranger!!!). Sam comparing Dean's imminent demise to Mary's death and Dean eventually asking what he'd want Mary to say to him (with the subtext; what can I say to make it better that I'm dying) made me cry as I wrote it and every time I reread it. It's making me cry NOW lol. augh fuck im rereading i'm crying. turns out. when you write exactly what touches you emotionally. you feel touched. emotionally. to read it.

Also this fic now makes me think of darling @forestofsprites bc they've left such wonderfully kind tags every time they've reblogged it :') ily

Misc I dunno. These don't fit in the other categories lol.

6th Life's The Charm! Sarah Blake/Bela Meow!!!!! Sarah gets a mysterious commission to find a painting, and a strangely perceptive cat follows her home the same day. But those can't possibly be connected I'm sure. Smiling with her eyes closed, Sarah puts a hand on B's back and touches. Skin.  She startles awake and jerks her hand away. By the embers of the fire, she can see the woman lying on top of her....The woman is watching her, smiling, and her pupils are strange. They creep a little too far into her irises. She's also the most beautiful woman Sarah has ever seen. Stunning, in both senses of the word.  "No questions?" The woman asks eventually, as Sarah's silent stare ticks on. Her tone is a) British and b) faintly mocking, like she knows something Sarah doesn't. 

Little turned into a kitty cat romcom!! I do fun little asides in footnote format! Middle aged yaoi ummmm but what about middle aged YURI??? Sarah references Sex in the City and is having a midlife crisis what more do you want from me!!! I did want to have a little moment of Sarah saying "sorry about the collar attempt" and Bela flirtily going "hmm, I think it'd look better on you" and Sarah spontaneously combusting but it didn't quite flow. Maybe in the horny sequel I kinda want to write...

MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, Sun In My Face Cas realises he's in love with Dean. The natural thing to do is to tell him right away. "Don't," Dean pleads, and it's not clear whether he means don't love me or don't tell me. Either way, Cas is going to let him down.  "I love you," Cas repeats, firmly, "I have loved you. I will love you. That's all."

Too angsty for the fluff section, too sweet for the tragedies. What are you. As may be clear from previous works, in MY world, Dean and Cas platonically sleep together every night and snuggle the whole time :3 even if it's a world where they're aromantic I firmly believe this would be the case. When I say platonic I am not saying it with a wink and a nudge, as a few scattered comments seem to suggest they think. But also in this one they are also romantically in love haha.

How Do You Go From Wanting To Having? When Cas stumbles back to life after escaping from the Empty, Dean can't speak the words in his heart. But he can write them. You can have it, and variations thereupon: You can have it, damn it; could have fucking taken me, asshole; what do you think is supposed to make me happy now, you arrogant, stupid son of a bitch?

I don't know if I made the most of this premise lol but I had fun building the evidence of grief into the Bunker. They pushed a heavy object in front of the door to the dungeon so they didn't have to see it, Dean filled his room with lights so he didn't have to be in the dark (a general post-canon headcanon of mine that both Dean and Cas have lamps on all night), Dean's stiff position during his nightmare. Little clues that Cas does NOT pick up on bless his heart.

This Is A Love That Lasts Forever It's about Claire giving Cas a haircut. It's about grief. It's about love. Cas remembers - though he shouldn't, ethically - sending Claire for a time out for saying the word 'damn' when she was 6, though she surely couldn't have known what it meant. Swinging her hand on the way to church on Sundays. Clapping for her awkward turn at playing Mary in the Christmas Nativity. Loving Claire had only deepened Jimmy's love of God, and this was the love that Castiel had taken advantage of. He doesn't deserve even a moment of Claire’s forgiveness. 

Last one! I uploaded this on the 29th of December but it ISSSSSS absolutely 1000% one of my best. Cas and Claire's relationship in canon is so WEIRD. One doesn't typically accept grumpy cats from the guy wearing your dad's corpse as a skin suit??? Even if he's kind of nice to you?? So this is my way of figuring out how to make it make sense. She can't ditch Cas because that's where all her dad's love is stored and nobody else in her life knows her dad anymore. And they both have to try and make that work.

I had a different ending in mind for a little while - Claire completing the haircut and then going oh my god. now you don't look like my dad anymore. what have I done now I won't remember him I'm so stupid!!! put it back how it was!! and Cas is like um I can't do that though I'm low on Grace and Claire cries herself out about it and they talk about having to get used to new, unfamiliar circumstances. But I like what I went with more (obviously. because I wrote it lol).

Little headcanons that I carried across from other works: - Claire will allow Donna to be as cutesy and affectionate as she likes and Donna calls her "Claire-bear" and nobody can figure out why it's a shy little happy smile when Donna pats her cheek and beams at her and she would kill anyone else who tried it with her laser eyes. I do though, I know why. It's bc of Donna's easy open affection that genuinely isn't trying to hide anything. Claire knows Donna isn't faking it because Donna is kind to everything and everyone. She would have a harder time with Garth though even though Donna and Garth are very similar in this regard, just because. Well. The girl has been traumatized and betrayed by so many "nice" men. God how did I get onto this. Donna is the mom/aunty figure Claire has needed for a long time. I talk about this in Growing A New Half Soul - Angel's were never children I talk about in A Light Above Descending.

THE END.

If you've read this. Are you sure you didn't have anything better to do with your time avhsbv but thank you!!! Go follow all the friends I've @'d because then they might do follower events and I might write more things as a result!!!! Also go and write some dean walking in on cas masturbating fic and then send it to me.

My challenge for you is to think about women falling in love with other women. Wow, beautiful, right? And also to think of ONE thing you did that you are proud of this year. Even and in fact especially if it's something you're not "supposed" to be proud of. Did you find something new you liked. Were you kind to someone. Were you kind to yourself when you didn't have to be. All these and more are things to take pride in.

I, for one, am proud of having written 111,227 words of complete short fiction!!!!! So much so that I wrote another 4936 words talking about them here :)

[storiesbyrhi]

I just re-watched season 2 of Stranger Things and here's the takeaway for me - stop me if you've heard this one before ;) - whoever I was when I watched it in 2017 is not the girl you see before you. I have a wayyyy different interpretation of the characters and the show.

(Season 1 thoughts here.)

'MADMAX' was the coolest way to introduce Max. She is absolutely as rad as I remember. I'm not entirely sure they knew why they wrote Max into the show... Was it to give Lucas something to do (which is shitty for his character); was it to add another girl (yay tokenism); was it a setup for later seasons (I might accept that because not all new characters have to be the star of the show)? Who knows! What I do know is that Sadie Sink really gave Max teeth in an otherwise... eh storyline.

I forgot Nancy and Steve went to Barb's parents for dinners. Makes me so fucking sad. The entire Barb situation is tragic. Idk if it was a reaction to the 'Justice for Barb' movement but regardless, having some follow-up around that was so important. Nancy's trauma being (somewhat) explored was great too.

Jesus H. Christ Noah Schnapp can fucking act. Like yeah, Sadie Sink killed season 4 but Noah Schnapp season 2 is incredible. And he's thirteen! And the intensity and nuance in his performance are wild! !!! !!!

I remember being so charmed by the Dustin and Steve pair-up. Still am. Still am.

"He likes it cold." Yikes. Like I said about season 1, it's cool watching this through a Vecna lens. It feels plausible he was the plan for the show all along.

My memory of Dart was a nice one. Turns out that I forgot he killed Mews. Fuck that guy Dart. He is not my homie. RIP Mews. You deserved better.

I remember the demodogs being more dog-like. They truly be serving Silent Hill, huh?

Unpopular opinion but I don't hate the Kali storyline. I can see how I thought it sucked in 2017; waiting all that time for season 2 to finally come out, then getting that. I probably wanted more action and group bonding. However, I like that we got to see a) an alternative outcome for El had she not found Mike and Hopper, and b) El gain some autonomy in her search for history and home. It makes her choice to be Hopper's daughter more meaningful. The storyline also broadened the danger and cruelty of Brenner and co., and gave a legit setting for El to learn more about her powers.

RIP Bob. My memory of you was correct and you truly are a hero. Casting was A+ because nobody thought they'd violently kill a LOTR/Goonies star in the 80s themed show.

Watching the entire gang in the Byers house in episode 8 was so cool. That sweeping shot of all of them poised ready for the demodog attack... chefs kiss. I am now even angrier that they were all separated in season 4.

There's so much talk about cool television dads. Din Djarin this. Bandit Heeler that. Joel Miller who. Bob Belcher why. Where is the hype for Joyce Byers, who once again proves to be parent of the motherfucking year?! Are you kidding me?!

Knowing that the show goes on to call Mike the heart of the party is a real kick in the teeth. Will is so utterly the heart of this family and found family.

So, I never fell in love with Steve. Not a Stevie girlie. But, ah, this rewatch has me feeling all kinds of things. The fucking character development on this boy?! Might have to branch out into some Steeeeeedie x Reader fics. Shiiiit.

I. Love. Nancy. She. Is. So. Smart. Give. Her. More. Guns. And the scene with Dustin at the dance still breaks my heart. I love her, your honor.

Murray was exactly how I remembered.

Hopper was wayyyy better this season. The "sometimes I think I'm a black hole" speech was fantastic. Him telling El about Sarah, finally, is so healing for them both.

My opinions about Jonathan and Steve changed so much between 2016 and 2023, so I went into this with an open mind re: Billy. However, here's the thing. He's racist. Racists just aren't babes. No matter how else his behaviour and personality are contextualised, he will always be a racist so it's a hard no for me. Yes, Billy is the victim of an abusive parent, but that can only be used to explain some of his behaviour. Not all of it. Nor can it be used to excuse some of his behaviour. Nothing that has happened to Billy can justify the way Max is terrified when she hears his car. She is terrified of him. I'm not saying they don't love each other in a very complicated messy way, but when I try 'redeem' (for lack of a better word) season 2 Billy, I can't. Billy deserved a safe and good home, deserved better than what life gave him, but he'll continue to be a blocked tag for me. I do wanna say that I think he's an important character for a lot of people, and that is so valid. That's why I don't go around posting shit about him 24/7. I'll probably have a lot to say about him in season 3 too, because hey guess what, sexualising a teenager is weird as hell @ grown up adult women living in Hawkins.

At the end of season 2 I am so keen for some more El/Will friendship, Max development, and Jopper.

And I'm onto season 3. (Edit: here's the link!)

This has been a Stranger Things Rhi-Watch.

[disregardcanon]

fma 03 au where tucker decided to make the kid that was staying with him into a chimera instead of nina

strangely, this au has a happy ending? what?  

tucker’s test is approaching. he has a few fucked up animal hybrids in the basement that won’t be enough to give the military and a few bits of research even more laughable than the crock he turned in last year. he needs a breakthrough and he needs it now. he knows that his only chance at all is making another chimera with another human.

he’s already done it before, and he did it with his own wife. he’s not afraid to do it again. he hypothesizes that the reason that the chimera he made of his wife failed was that she was an adult. she was too old to fully adjust to the transmutation. he needs someone younger. really, it just comes down to how young? 

nina is a preschooler. she’s already learned a fair amount of human speech and she still has the neuro-plasticity that comes with that age. but she’s also far from fully-formed. if this goes wrong and she’s not able to adjust to the change and gain knowledge beyond what she already has, she will be mentally a preschooler forever. 

hell, if it goes WRONG ENOUGH, then she will be completely lost. and, even if he won’t admit it to himself, he doesn’t want to lose her, at least not when he still has a week before the inspection to get together another plan. he can direct his science elsewhere and still keep his daughter, so he decides to try someone else. 

it seems wisest to go with someone in the middle of a grown woman and a preschooler. someone in the midst of developing. someone half-way grown. someone that he has easy access to. and someone that still has a physical form.  

so the genius twelve year old he’s housing who already suspects him of committing some sort of atrocity, even if he’s not sure what it was? he seems like the perfect option for this attempt. he knows that ed is snooping around, and he fits all the qualifications that tucker has set in his brain. 

al is out of the house visiting the hugheses and ed is pouring over some text or another, and it’s easy enough to trick the kid into the basement by promising to let him see his research from the first chimera experiment. 

then, shou tucker creates his chimera. this one can talk too. hughes insists on escorting al back to the tucker estate. al is very surprised to see that neither ed nor nina is with tucker when he greets him at the door. hughes insists on staying for a while. maybe getting a tour, because he can tell that there is something UP and he's not leaving al to that alone.

tucker shows them every bit of the mansion and promises that they'll find ed and nina in the basement, which, ya know. not ominous at all. they get down there, and they find glowing eyed abominations in cages and a large, wolf looking beast lying down beside nina, who's gently petting it.

"it's alright," she promises, "it's okay."

"nina," it says, in a voice strange and deep to be human. it sounds a bit like a dog's bark if that dog learned to talk.

"it can talk?" al asks, his eyes widening. tucker runs a hand through the creature's mop of golden hair between its bright white ears.

"al?" it asks. al feels a terrible dread set on, and he realizes he still hasn't seen his brother.

"this is a perfect talking chimera, alphonse," tucker says, "it's an immense improvement on the first. the first one was too old to make the change, but this one? it was in the glow of adolescence. the perfect time for the change."

"how the hell did you make that?" hughes demands. al doesn't miss how his hand ghosts over his gun.

"i will reveal all those secrets at my inspection," tucker says, "i'm sure you will have clearance to view those documents, lieutenant colonel." tucker tries to run a hand through the chimera’s hair, but it flinches away. then seems to glare at tucker. 

“bastard,” the chimera growls. strange. that’s not what al expected to hear come out of its mouth. though, it’s probably softer than the “i want to die” that the first talking chimera managed before it did so. it doesn’t set al’s sense of dread at ease, though. 

al looks closer at nina, still working her hands, gently, through the creature's fur. it nuzzles closer into her. then he looks closer at the chimera itself.

it's fur is bright white, but it has a mane of golden hair cascading down it’s back. if that weren’t enough, when al examines it a little closer, he can see that it only has three legs. 

"where is alexander?" al asks. he thinks he knows what happened here. why ed and alexander aren’t here. why the chimera said bastard. why it called him by name. 

"probably running around somewhere up stairs," tucker says dismissively.

“why is it missing a leg?” al demands, the dread in his gut only growing. tucker smiles at him, sadly.

"oh alphonse," he says, "i wish you weren't so observant." then he looks al dead in the eyes as he adds, “alexander had four limbs. edward had two. i suppose you can say they met in the middle.” al feels sick to the stomach he no longer has. tucker made that thing using his brother and the dog. 

hughes draws his gun.

“call the police, al,” he orders.

"do you really want to get them involved?" tucker says, "they'll cart him off to experiment on. you won’t even get to say goodbye.” 

"change him back," al demands, "fix my brother!" tucker laughs.

"oh alphonse," he says, "a chimera is a perfect transmutation. you can never separate them.” he gestures towards the brother-dog chimera. “it’s not your brother or my dog anymore. this chimera is its own entity.” he looks gleeful as he says it. and al wants to shout that his brother is IN THERE and he wants to beat him bloody with his metal hands that won't even feel it, but nina looks up at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"big brother," nina says, "what's happening?" she bites her lip. "where's little big brother?"

"he's right here," al says, and his voice cracks a little. he gently touches his brother-dog on the head, and he looks up at al with eyes that are somehow both absent and pleading, both far off and intensely in the moment.

"al," the brother-dog-chimera says, "please. it hurts."

"i'll save you, i promise," al says, working his metal fingers through his brother's fur, "i'll get your body back. i swear." the noise of response isn't quite a bark but isn't quite a scream, and al wants to cry but doesn't have the proper parts anymore. tucker made his brother into this. they might have sinned, trying to bring back their mother, but it wasn't like this.

it wasn't anything like this.

"so," tucker says, "what will you do, elric the eldest?" al clenches his fist. he wants to punch tucker so hard that the man’s head breaks against the weight of his hand, but that won't bring his brother back. it won't spare nina from whatever the aftermath of this will be. it won't actually help. 

"i'm leaving," alphonse says. he doesn't know where he'll go, but anywhere has to be better than this. then he can gather his thoughts. nina and ed will be safe, and he can figure out how to save his brother from this abomination tucker has made of him.

"take them back to my house," hughes orders, "i'll take care of this." al scoops nina up, and threads his fingers through his brother's fur (hair, he reminds himself hair).

"come on," he says, "we have to leave." the being that both is and isn't both ed and alexander pads behind him, and they make their way to the hughes's residence.

so hughes calls in the military, and they come to arrest tucker for human experimentation and the murder of edward elric. the chimera, as far as anyone knows, died after its creation. hughes and roy had ed declared legally dead along with it so that the military won’t be searching for him to be a lab rat. it wasn’t that hard, either, with ed’s bloody automail just sitting around in tucker’s basement.

al gets to the hugheses, and gracia thanks god that elicia is already asleep for the conversation that they have to have. al is soft with nina and explains it all in a way that she can understand, and nina does not let go of edxander the whole time. edxander doesn't seem to want her to either. a few hours later, hughes finally gets back and tries to pitch his (and roy’s, of course, hughes and roy tend to be a package deal) idea for what should happen now. 

"look, al," hughes says, "i can take nina, but i can't take your brother. he's safer with roy."

"look i promise, roy has your best interests at heart. he cares too." al doesn't know if he believes that.

"brother thinks he's a bastard," al says instead. hughes laughs.

"i'm sure your brother’ll let roy know that, too." al realizes that this is a battle he'll lose, and it's probably not worth fighting, as long as his brother is safe. so he agrees to let edxander stay with roy on the condition that the hugheses will take him whenever al is in town staying with them. nina will be able to visit whenever she wants.

nina stays with the hugheses, and al agrees to take on ed's post as a state alchemist to continue their research on the philosopher's stone and ensure his brother's safety. he actually worries what will happen to edxander if he does not agree to take his brother's position.

so we have alphonse elric, eleven years old, soul sold to the military in order to keep his brother from becoming a lab rat. 

we have edward elric, melded with alexander. his body is in constant pain but he tries his hardest to stay lucid. and on occasion, he’s there. sometimes he fights through it and he’s just ed. and being just ed includes all the cursing that comes with it. but sometimes it’s just alexander in there. and sometimes it’s just two beings shoved together into a body that doesn’t work right, howling in pain because ed was still growing and their body knows it and tries to accommodate. 

1. winry makes edxander an automail dog leg like den’s, and takes it upon herself to braid his mane because no one else in his life knows how to braid, apparently. she knows that’s the way ed would want it. 

2. mustang takes edxander in but hawkeye ends up taking him a lot of the time. much to roy's chagrin, he much prefers staying with her.

3. sometimes, edxander will bite mustang or knock him down. sometimes it's when he's in pained, unconscious chimera mode. sometimes it's when he's in dog mode. sometimes it's when he's in ed mode because ed is a little shit.

4. nina loves on al whenever he is in town and calls him big brother and loves on ed at least four times a week. she's the one that coins the term edxander.

5. nina is the BEST big sister to elicia guys you have no idea.

6. al does not make a philosopher's stone in lab 5, but god. he considers it. he thinks his brother would be disappointed in him for even thinking about it, but he dares not tell ed about it himself. if he is disappointed he might try to bite al and then just hurt himself. he might break all his teeth on his armor. and like, being a chimera is bad enough. he doesn’t want ed to be a chimera that can’t even eat. 

7. nina insists on learning alchemy from al because alchemy isn't evil, just that thing her dad did with it was. she wants to help get al and ed's bodies back. 

8. by the time that liore happens nina is seven and al is fourteen, and by the time that hughes dies she’s just turned eight. nina wants to help, desperately. she’s good at alchemy and big brother’s always galavanting around the countryside trying to figure out how to fix himself and ed and she wants to help. he doesn’t let her and he doesn’t let her and he doesn’t let her, until he makes a stop to see her and ed and gracia and elicia before he sets off for liore and the Scar and Rose and Philosopher’s Stone nonsense. 

9. nina stows away on his train and really, it’s probably more dangerous to try to send her back on her own and he doesn’t have time to take her back himself so he decides that he can protect her, just this once, on this one mission. he buys her a bright red marker to carry around in case of emergencies to draw a transmutation circle and that will probably be good. 

11.. NOPE NOT GOOD AT ALL! the liore nonsense TM occurs and then al becomes a philosopher’s stone and dante kidnaps nina. she brings her to the homuncu-hideout. nina is fine, but a little freaked out all the time. she surprisingly hits it off fairly easily with wrath, and they bond over their alchemy and she makes him question what it is he’s fighting for. if he even needs to be made human when he already feels everything and can do alchemy and his mother loves him. al, on the other hand, finds chimera tucker. again. 

12.. tucker, obviously, doesn’t want to make a doll of nina. because nina is living and breathing and very much not a chimera. he wants al to let him see her. so, his brilliant idea is to offer to make one of his human dolls of so that he can give it to al in "exchange" for the brother he ruined. then he thinks al will let him see nina again. al doesn't know how to explain to this man that humans are their SOULS not their bodies, and no matter what, his brother is melded with alexander... because of tucker himself. it reminds him of majahal in all the worst ways. body over soul. 

13.. al leaves. tucker is not able to knock him out.

al runs into lust after this, and she demands that he make her a human. al being Fed Up and just not giving a shit and not seeing the harm in it, actually tries the thing. it does not work.

“i’m sorry,” al says, “i don’t think i can do it. i don’t think it’s possible.” lust laughs.

“of course it isn’t,” lust says, “i served that woman for ten years, for nothing. nothing at all.” but al convinces her that being alive is something and that now that she KNOWS she can leave and go find her way in the world. maybe she does find herself, maybe she doesn’t. but she does leave and he does not see her again.

after just deciding that a human is a soul and not a body, al is a lot less likely to believe that sloth is their mother (this isn’t necessarily better or worse, just different.) he does, however, believe that getting sloth off of dante’s side is a smart idea. he lets her convince him to come to dante (which isn’t hard at all, considering that dante still has nina) and then he convinces her to hightail it as soon as he gets there.

if you count greed, that’s three homunculi down. if you count pride because killing pride is roy’s responsibility, that’s four down. that just leaves envy the pseudo-sibling, wrath who’s already kind of friends with nina and probably won’t fight them, and gluttony. and of course, dante herself, the body-snatching, baby threatening to kill, could be his step-mom if she and hoho never got divorced demoness that she is.

“well hello, alphonse,” dante says as he walks into a great room, “welcome to my abode.” al would roll his eyes if he had any. abode? who says abode? apparently, body-stealing alchemists who wear pink ballgowns in the middle of the day, along with other beautiful women in other beautiful ballgowns. what does she want with rose anyway? and why does the other woman seem so out of it? she doesn’t even seem to notice that al is here. al knows that he should ask about that, but the first thing he demands is

“dante. where is nina?”

“envy,” dante orders, “go fetch the girl. our collateral’s no good if he can’t see her.” envy comes back a minute later, holding nina, who is flailing and shouting, “let me down!” wrath trails behind, looking on with what looks like... worry? what would he have to be worried about right now?

“nina!” al shouts. nina’s eyes widen as she looks over to the sound of his voice.

“big brother!” envy sets nina down, but doesn’t let go of her wrist. 

“you can have the brat back after we get what we want,” envy says. al glares. he knows that they can’t tell that he’s glaring, but it makes him feel better.

“i see that sloth didn’t accompany you,” dante says, “such a shame. i was going to make her human.”

“you can’t make a homunculus human,” al says firmly, “i tried with lust. it didn’t work.” dante laughs.

“what?” wrath asks, “that’s what you promised us all?!?!” he looks like his name. dante ignores him.  

“oh alphonse,” she says, “you really think that you already know how to wield that stone. learning how to wield a philosopher’s stone properly requires practice. if you allow me to, i can teach you.”

“you already have me here,” al says,”why don’t you just use it yourself?” al doesn’t actually want dante to reach into his chest cavity and rip the stone out, but he doesn’t understand why she WOULDN’T. he knows that she’s a stronger alchemist than he is. she can transmute without a circle. if she really wanted to, he knows that she could take it from him without breaking a sweat.

“well the thing is, alphonse,” dante says, “it’s merged to your armor. it seems that only you can use it. scar ensured that.” 

“you’re going to steal rose’s body, aren’t you?”

“not if it truly offends you so much,” dante says, “if you wish, i can find a different host. one who isn’t your friend.”

“but then someone else has to die,” al says. he doesn’t want rose to die, but he doesn’t want anyone else to either. he can’t choose between a friend’s life and a stranger’s. it isn’t right. 

“isn’t that just an equivalent exchange, the way that you two always claimed?”

“that’s not equivalent,” al says. he doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not equivalent.

dante laughs. 

“equivalent exchange is a ruse, alphonse. a bed time story to tell little alchemists to help them sleep at night. do you think it was equivalent that your brother lost a leg and an arm you lost your entire body? do you think it was equivalent that  you two passed that state alchemist exam when you were children, when some people study their entire lives for it? nothing in this world is truly equivalent, alphonse. sometimes we can give far more than we get.”

“but you never give anything,” he says, “you take and you take and you take from people. “

“yes, alphonse,” she says, “because i found the way to cheat the system. why shouldn’t i do whatever i need to get whatever i want? didn’t you promise to do whatever you had to to get your own body back? don’t you desperately want a body?”

“that body isn’t yours.” al doesn’t even know how many bodies that woman has worn through, how many lives she’s stolen for her own greed and vanity. “i want to get my own body back, not steal someone else’s.” dante laughs then, like his mother did sometimes when he said something hopeful but naive.

“your body is gone, alphonse. disappeared through the gate. you will never get your body back, but you can have a body. an organic form, all to yourself. i can even help you pick it out, all for yourself.” she smiles. 

“we can find you a boy your age, or perhaps a dashing young man. someone with similar features, or maybe someone with looks you’ve always envied. when you shop for bodies, there really are endless possibilities.” alphonse feels sick to his stomach just listening to her talk like that, even sicker than he did when she suggested that his body might be gone. 

maybe it’s impulsive. maybe it’s stupid. maybe it’s selfish, but al needs to know, one way or another. he needs to know if this has all been for naught. if he can get his body back or if the the choice will be between staying in this armor forever or stealing another person’s body, like dante wants him to. he knows what he’ll choose, but he doesn’t want to HAVE to. he opens his chest plate up, and the red light bursts forth from his insides. then, he touches the stone and focuses.

bring me back my body. he thinks. give it back to me.

the world goes white, and then, suddenly, al opens his eyes. he feels the hard ground under his back. he sees dante looking over him, laughing.

“you know,” she says, “i didn’t actually think this would work.” then, she scoops up the philosopher’s stone from his chest.

wait- chest? that’s a human chest. and he feels the ground against his back, and he lifts them up, and- are those his arms? they are they are they are they are! he has his arms back!

dante clutches the philosopher’s stone, and then her hair shifts from black to pink to match her dress. 

“ah,” she says, “looks like it works.” al pushes himself off the ground. his body feels weird, being made of flesh and actually feeling things.

“big brother!” nina shouts. she finally breaks free of envy’s hold and she runs over to him, engulfing him in a hug. it feels so warm and right and real after years and years of feeling nothing, but he can’t even feel happy about that. dante has the stone. she’s going to steal rose’s body. she’s going to kill her.

“it appears you were right, alphonse,” she says, “you could get your body back all along. but now that you have it, i don’t need you.” she turns towards rose, and al knows that once she walks the six or seven feet between them, it’s all over. dante will steal rose’s body. this will be the end.

“nina, do you still have that marker?” nina pulls her red marker out of her shoe and draws a quick transmutation circle, then al grabs part of his discarded armor and throws it on the circle. they transmute a knife, and then he throws it directly at dante. somehow, it hits. the knife lodges itself in the rotting skin near dante’s collar bone.

dante seems unfazed as the blood starts to squirt out.

“it seems that i was not clear,” dante says, “if you and miss tucker wish to leave now, you are free to-”

“no! you can’t let him go!” envy screeches, “that’s the son of hohenheim! if i can’t kill him, at least let me kill his son!” 

“you will do as i tell you, envy,” dante says, then she sends a fake smile to alphonse and nina, “you can leave unharmed if you do not get in my way any further.” envy shifts into chimera ed, and al feels a stab of pain. 

“he wasn’t your only brother, alphonse” envy seethes, and then he shifts into an adult body with long, blonde hair. just like ed’s. “i was your brother- i was SUPPOSED to be your brother. hohenheim made me, years ago! but he called me an abomination. he hated me and he loved you-” 

“envy, you are causing a scene,” dante says, sending envy a toxic glare.

“i don’t care, MOTHER! all i wanted was to kill hohenheim, but you won’t even let me fuck with his precious sons!” envy shakes their head.

“lust was right. you don’t give a fuck about us.” dante rolls her eyes, and pulls something out of her bag. then, she throws it at envy, who recoils.

“my- my-”

“it’s your remains, envy,” dante says, “i am tired of your whining. and i am tired of taking care of you. i have what i want. this ends today.” then, she snaps her fingers, and envy’s body disintegrates.

“so,” dante asks, with a fake smile, “what do you say? will you leave?”

instead of answering, nina launches a knife she must have transmuted while al wasn’t looking at dante. it doesn’t hit, but it sends their message loud and clear. they will not go quietly out of this fight. that does not, however, mean that they will fight well.

al doesn’t know how to fight without his armor, and nina has never NEEDED to fight. neither of them knows how to do this. there is a fight, violent and bloody, with lots of improbable alchemy. wrath gets rose out of the line of fire, and al thinks he might, surprisingly, be on their side? they are saved when the elevator door behind them opens and mustang and hawkeye step out, mustang might be bleeding from a wound to his chest, but he still looks raring to fight. hawkeye looks even more so, considering that she’s not even wounded.

al would take a moment to wonder how tf they knew to look here, but he will take this for what it is: a blessing.

“dante,” mustang says, clutching a skull in his hands, “guess who we just killed?” hawkeye holds out her guns, daring anyone to move against her.

“pride too?” dante says, “it appears i’m running out of homunculi.” she drawls this, as if she’s not at all concerned.

“looks like you won’t be a threat, then,” mustang says, snapping his fingers. he produces a large spark. dante snaps her fingers, and the philosopher’s stone glows brightly. then, rains starts pouring from the ceiling. mustang’s flame goes out. he won’t even be able to produce more.

“you really think you can move against me in the rain, general mustang?” she asks, laughing as the rain soaks through her hair and her dress. then, she makes a move to transmute something- but no one will ever know what it would have been.

hawkeye puts a bullet in the middle of her eyes. dante’s body falls down to the ground, dead, just like any other human. the philosopher’s stone falls right along with it. the rain stops, and it gleams right there, on the floor beside her.

mustang’s eyes widen, “is that?”

“the philosopher’s stone,” al says. both hawkeye and mustang’s eyes turn towards him, and their faces light up. apparently, they hadn’t noticed that he was there yet.

“i got my body back,” al says sheepishly.

“he got his body back!” nina shouts. she goes to grab the philosopher’s stone, then shoves it in his hand.

“come on,” she says, “we have to go save little big brother and alexander.” al nods. he hears the stomp of gluttony’s footsteps and then he eats dante’s corpse in one gulp. then he runs away.

“we’ll probably have to deal with that at some point,” mustang says.

“at some point,” al concedes, but there’s NO WAY that he’s waiting another second to go save his brother. (the author is NOT dealing with it. gluttony can just go be a cryptid for all she cares) 

14. they go directly to mustang’s house, where he has a few of his guys on edxander duty. luckily for them, edxander doesn’t tend to torment anyone who isn’t named mustang.

al uses the philosopher’s stone and focuses on ed and alexander, as individuals. he tries to remember all the best times that he had with his brother. he tries to remember alexander trailing after nina, barking happily. he tries to remember them in the same room, as different, distinct entities. (after being fused for so many years, it’s harder than al would like to admit to call those memories to the surface without being tainted by the others)

but, thankfully, al is able to do it. when he’s done, ed is lying on the ground, his pink, fleshy body with two stumps, and alexander is lying above him in all his furry white glory. alexander wags his tail. ed moves his good arm.

then, al hears ed’s voice, properly, for the first time in ages. he opens his eyes, irises glinting gold against the white of his eyes.

“am i?” he looks down at his hand in wonder, “am i- back?” his voice cracks a little at the end, like he can’t believe.

“yes, brother,” al says, “you’re back.” then he picks alexander up and moves him, gently off his brother’s body. then he scoops him into a hug.

“al,” he says, eyes widening, “you got your body back?” nina has gone to pet alexander, to let him know that they’re happy to have him back too.

“yeah,” al says, “it’s a pretty new development.” he still feels weird in his body, a little like a colt that’s just learning how to walk. he wonders if ed will feel weird being back in his body.

“get in here, both of you,” ed says, to nina, and then the hug pile gains two new members.

“hope i’m not interrupting anything,” mustang says, “but the team wanted to check on you.” alexander barks, and it sounds like “bastard!” mustang’s looks shocked as the rest of his team follow him into the room.

“did alexander just?” ed tries to say yes, but a bark comes out instead.

“we’re not fixed,” ed says, “i don’t feel- i don’t feel the same. as i did back then.” al wants to say that of course he doesn’t, because ed did manage to grow a little since he was twelve. since he used to be human. but al knows that’s probably not the case. he can’t imagine that he and alexander spent so many years fused together without it actually rubbing off on each other.

nina takes his hand.

“but you’re better, right? you’re better, little big brother?” ed nods.

“yes nina,” he says, “i’m better. thanks to you guys. all of you. except the bastard.”

“excuse you?” mustang says, with feigned insult.

“alright,” ed says, smirking, “bastard included.” al didn’t trust the guy, back when he had to leave ed with him, but he really proved himself. he cares about them in his own smug way. even enough to come yell at al for not letting him know what his plan was earlier back in resembol.

15. ed isn’t the same. not really. spending that long as a chimera changes some of a person’s behaviors, and it seems like it might have changed his makeup a little too. but he’s not in pain anymore, and he’s always ed, without alexander or seething mass of pained chimera thrown in the mix. it’s not perfect, but it’s so much better.

16. winry makes him new, human automail for the first time in years. she doesn’t even complain about it. then, she moves to rush valley to study with the best automail mechanics out there and to make out with paninya.

17. ed and al and nina all make the decision that they want to try to help other people affected negatively by alchemy like in the end of brotherhood. they travel around, researching and having great adventures and loving each other. 

18. wrath makes his way to the curtis’s and stays with them, and eventually he meets up with The Gang TM to help them with their quest and be friends. because i love wrath curtis and he deserves nice things okay 

19. nina eventually changes her name to elric because fuck her dad

20. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[hookingminor]

4 times his friends posted you on their instagram + 1 time he did - mat barzal

a/n: I wrote this literally back in july so lets just ignore how idealistic this is regarding quarantine but im a slut for some barzy this is all fluff

word count: 4,733

summary: like the title says, some friends (with benefits?) to lovers + a tyson cameo, fluffy summer quarantine fic

tagging @davidpastrsnack​ so kate can get on the barzy train

-

1.

To say the whole quarantine thing was an inconvenience was an understatement. School had ended online, your summer internship was cancelled, and it seemed like your summer would turn into an uneventful couple of months stuck in your apartment in, probably, the worst place to be stuck in during a pandemic: New York City.

Or so you thought.

You’d planned on having the most boring summer ever until your friend, Mat, had invited you to hole up away with him and a few friends in a lake house back in Vancouver. Well, friend was a loose term. The two of you were friends… just ones that kissed occasionally… and sometimes more than kissed. You’d met him about a year ago at a bar while he was out with his teammates after a game. A cliche meeting, but you hit it off instantly. Instead of ending up in his bed at the end of the night (which you would eventually end up at after a couple months), it turned into an exchange of numbers and an invitation to hang out later in the week.

You hadn’t thought anything of it at first, just thinking he was being friendly and wanting to end the conversation, so you were surprised to get a text the next day from an unknown number asking if you’d wanted to go on a bike ride.

Flashforward a year later and the two of you still went on bike rides together. At least, up until the pandemic started.

When the text came telling you to pack your bags for a month or so, you thought he was joking. Surely he couldn’t have meant you to join him in Vancouver over the summer? You were proven wrong when he showed up at your apartment the next day, two coffees in his hand.

“Uh, hi, Mathew,” you said hesitantly, opening your door to reveal your disheveled state, having just woken up.

“Why are you dressed like that? We have a plane to catch in four hours,” he said, pushing himself through your door, uninvited, to set the coffees on the counter.

“What are you doing here? What plane? You’re not supposed to be going out,” you reprimanded him for showing up unannounced and in the middle of quarantine.

“I told you we’re going to Vancouver, I know you read my text. Now let’s hurry up and pack, we gotta get going,” Mat rushed, already on the way to your bedroom.

You followed him after a brief moment once you’d processed what was going on. Mat had already pulled out your suitcase and set it on top of your bed by the time you entered the door. He was in the middle of rifling through your drawers and grabbing random garments to throw into the suitcase when you’d spoken again.

“You’re actually serious about this?”

“Of course I am. What better things do you have to do in a city on lockdown for an entire summer? Honestly, I’m doing you a favor,” he explained easily, turning back to grab more items.

“Oh, you’re doing me a favor? Thank you, Mat, for saving me from a summer of suffering. It’s not like I had other plans to find different internships or focus on my summer classes,” you replied sarcastically.

Mat rolled his eyes. “I am doing you a favor, and you’re doing me a favor by going. I need a hot piece of ass to get me through this, or I will lose my mind.” You slugged him on the shoulder in offense, but all he did was chuckle.

“And anyways, you can still do your classes in Vancouver. Instead of doing them locked in this apartment, you can do them lounged out under the Canadian sun. Preferably in a bikini,” he finished. You slugged his arm again, harder this time.

“In fact, you should take the red bikini, it makes your tits look amazing,” he said, noticing you shuffling through your swimsuits. You rolled your eyes at him but grabbed the red one anyway along with a couple others.

With both of you folding and packing, your bags were ready to go in record time.

“Alright, baby, let’s go.” And so you were off.

A week had gone by in total bliss. As much as you hated to admit it, Mat was right. Vacationing in Vancouver in a secluded lake house was a lot better than being alone in your apartment, even if you did still have classes to do. Mat teased you about it, but he always left you alone for a few hours in the day for you to focus on your work. Unless he really wanted something… like right now.

Mat had joined you laying on the couch while you were in the middle of annotating a book for class. He wiggled his way between your arms, causing you to break your hold on your book. He rested his head on your chest, arms wrapped around your middle, and nuzzled his face into your neck. Joining your hands back to your book and bringing your highlighter to the page, you continued to underline phrases you’d come back to later. A couple minutes passed in silence before Mat started sighing. And then he sighed again.

“What do you want?” you huffed out, closing your book with the pen marking your page.

“Let’s go swimming,” he said, pushing up to his elbows to look at your face.

“I have to finish, like, three more chapters today,” you explained.

“You can do that later. I want to go swimming now,” Mat whined.

“You know you sound like a petulant child right now, right?” you asked, moving a hand to his head, pushing his hair back as he pouted.

“Stop using big words on me. Let’s swim,” he said, rolling his eyes.

You paused to think about it for a moment, “Hmm… okay, I guess,” you said with a smile. Mat returned your smile with one of his own before hopping up to drag you to your room to change. It didn’t take much to convince you to swim. It was a really nice day out, and you didn’t really care to finish reading about 17th century philosophy.

You changed into your red bikini, Mat swapped his shorts for a pair of swim trunks, and threw on a backwards baseball cap. You went out back to join the rest of his friend group, who were in the process of loading up the boat with supplies and equipment.

“Oh, look, if it isn’t Brainiac and the Beast. Are you two finally going to go boating with us?” Tyson shouted from the dock. You rolled your eyes at his nickname they created for you and Mat. It had only been a week in Vancouver, but the chirps about you and school were tired by now.

“Princess here wants to swim in the pool, maybe next time!” you shouted back, pointing to Mat.

They laughed at your response, turning their attention back to the boat and running supplies to and from the house. You turned your attention back to Mat, who was taking off his hat and was about two seconds away from jumping in the pool.

“Mathew, stop!” you yelled out, “Get your ass over here!”

“What is it?” he asked, stopping just short of the deep end. He grumbled before marching over to you.

“You need to put sunscreen on first, dumbass,” you reprimanded. As you turned your back to grab the bottle of sunscreen, he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mat,” you said sharply, turning back to face him with a raised eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, baby.”

You ignored him, opening the cap and squeezing lotion onto your hands. You gestured him to turn around, and you spread the lotion over it, making sure to rub it into his shoulders.

“I don’t see why I have to put sunscreen on. It’s not even that hot outside,” he muttered.

“First of all, you’re a dumbass. Second of all, heat doesn’t automatically mean the UV rays aren’t strong. And lastly, you’re white, baby, you’ll burn like a sun-dried tomato and being in water only increases the amount of sun you’re exposed to,” you explained, reaching up to rub some on his face.

“Sorry, Miss Meteorologist,” he grumbled, clearly not happy he’d lost this argument.

“One of us has to have brains. We can’t all get by on our good looks and skating ability,” you replied, slapping his cheeks when you were done for good measure.

“Okay, well, if you’re finally done,” you nodded in confirmation, “Let’s go.” He picked you up from under your thighs and ran at full speed towards the pool before you could even process what was happening. You screamed his name in protest begging him to put you down, claiming you hadn’t had time to put on sunscreen yet. He ignored you as he jumped into the deep end, dragging you with him.

You emerged from the water clinging to Mat’s wet body, your hair sopping and hanging over your face like you had come straight out of the movie The Grudge. Mat was laughing at your chaotic look, knowing you were well pissed at him. You jumped higher in the water on top of him to dunk his head under and tried your best to drown him.

It wasn’t until you were relaxing on the couch later that night doing your routinely social media scroll that you saw one of the guys recorded your sunscreen interaction by the pool, you calling Mat a dumbass, and him throwing you in the pool onto their instagram story with a caption “all these two do is fight” with some laughing crying emojis added for effect.

2.

After a long day or hiking, you’d immediately crashed on the couch once you’d gotten back to the house, not bothering to walk all the way to your room. It was only early in the afternoon but you’d been out since sunrise, and dealing with people for hours on end had drained you. The group laughed at you as you plopped your body down onto the couch, curling your head under your arm instead of grabbing the pillow two feet away from you. The rest of them gathered in the kitchen, refueling their bodies with assorted snacks as they started popping open bottles of beer, ready to start the night. It seemed that even an entire day on their feet had not emptied them of their, seemingly endless, energy.

“Jesus Christ, we hiked for, like, six hours and you’re all still bouncing off the walls,” you sighed deeply.

“We’re about to go hit the boat and go water skiing, too. I’m assuming you’re too tired to join us?” Tyson teased.

“I will not be joining you because unlike some people, I need a nap. Now get out of here, you’re all giving me a headache,” you said, pinching your fingers on the bridge of your nose to emphasize your point.

They all snickered but kept quiet as they shuffled around, packing up more food to take outside. You heard the sliding door shut and close a few times as they ran in and out before it was finally silent. You let out a sigh of relief as you took solace in the calm quiet.

That was until you felt a pair of arms shifting you closer to the edge of the couch. You peeked one eye open to see Mat rolling your body over to give him some space as he climbed over your body to nestle himself between you and the back cushions.

“Not going out on the boat?” You asked as he tucked a pillow under the both of your heads and pulled a blanket over your bodies.

“No. They’re exhausting. I need some time for myself,” Mat replied, wrapping his arm around your middle to pull you into his chest.

“No offense, but if you’re with me, you’re not by yourself,” you explained, closing your eyes again as you settled into a comfortable position.

“Yeah, but you’re you. You don’t exhaust me,” he said quietly. You didn’t know what to say to that, so you didn’t answer. Within a few seconds you heard Mat’s breathing even out, and you followed quickly behind him into a deep sleep.

-

A couple hours passed in a dreamless sleep when you heard the sliding of doors and laughter travel through the house. It stirred you from your sleep and you both shifted around, letting out displeased groans.

“Are they both still asleep?” You heard one of them ask from the kitchen. Neither of you wanted to answer in hopes they would leave you two to continue sleeping.

You were sadly mistaken.

“Hey! Sleeping beauties! Time to get up!” Tyson shouted from somewhere above you.

You both groaned out a “Fuck off, Tyson,” without opening your eyes, both of you giving him the middle finger. Tyson laughed to himself and you expected him to keep bothering you, but you heard his footsteps lead away from the couch. You turned over on your other side, tucking your face into Mat’s neck before falling back asleep.

-

When you woke up later that evening, you checked instagram again to see Tyson posted a new story. It was the video of him bothering you two and flipping him off with a caption that said “I get no respect around here :(“

3.

It had been raining all day. Which meant everyone was stuck inside watching movies and eating pizza. It didn’t take long for you to get bored of lounging on the couch, especially when all they wanted to do was watch Fast and Furious movies. You sat on the loveseat you were sharing with Mat, and you distracted yourself from the boring movie by tangling your hands in your hair, French braiding the strands into pigtails mindlessly. You unbraided and rebraided your hair into a fishtail after the pigtails, and then into a regular braided ponytail after that. You let yourself get caught up in daydreams as you stared blankly at the TV when Mat started tugging on your leg. Dropping your braid, you finished tying it off with a hair tie and turned to look at him.

“Let me practice on you,” Mat said quietly.

“Practice what?” You asked.

“Braiding,” he said, shuffling to sit upright. He tried to gently push you off the couch until you got the hint and moved to sit between his legs on the floor.

“You think you can do it?” You asked, ready to offer him a demonstration.

“I’ve been watching you for the past half hour, I got this,” he replied, pulling out your hair tie. You rolled your eyes at his confidence, but let him continue unraveling the strands.

Every few minutes Mat would sigh exasperatedly before pulling out the twists he’d made to start over. Eventually, he’d almost gotten all the way to the end of your hair before he sighed again, clearly fed up by how long this was taking him. You didn’t say anything as he restarted for a third time, going for a straight back braid instead of a French braid.

After another ten minutes, Mat had finally completed his simple braid, tying your hair off with the tie. He tapped your shoulder to indicate he was done, and you pulled the long tail over your shoulder to look at it.

It was a braid.

An extremely loose one where he mixed up the strand order in a couple places, but a braid nonetheless. You turned around to get back up on the couch, and you were met with his triumphant smile.

“Good job, bud,” you complimented, leaving the braid in as you resumed your previous position on the couch.

-

You checked your phone to find a notification of a new story tag. You opened the app to see a picture of you on the floor, staring at the TV while Mat had his hands twisted in your hair and a confused look on his face and tongue poking out of his mouth. Next to your instagram tag was “he’s been knotting her hair on purpose for 20 minutes now”

4.

Your final exams for the summer classes you were taking were in a week. Finals stressed you out more than anything else in the world, and when you were stressed, you did a lot of baking. A lot of baking. After finishing your finals study schedule and nearly breaking down almost twice because of the amount you had to get done, you decided to start baking instead of going to sleep. So, at 3 in the morning when everyone was asleep, you’d  turned on the oven and brought out the bowls.

It began with a few dozen cookies. You figured everyone could at least enjoy the cookies. Who didn’t like cookies?

Cookies turned into muffins, muffins into cupcakes, and then cupcakes into pies. By the time everyone was waking up, it was nearly eleven in the morning. You’d gone to the store twice and had taken a few twenty minute naps while you waited for your desserts baked in the oven. And right now, you were in the middle of finishing off some cinnamon rolls for breakfast

“Oh my god, what the hell happened here?” Mat had asked with a scared expression, taking note of the disastrous kitchen. You didn’t answer him as you were topping off the rolls with some icing.

A few more bodies had gathered in the kitchen and began to fill the seats at the countertop while they watched you with worried eyes.

“What?” You asked innocently, placing the plates of cinnamon rolls in front of all of them. Their eyes followed you carefully as you pulled more goods out of the oven where you were keeping them warm. Plate after plate you set on the counter, all the cookies and muffins and cakes.

“How long have you been up?” Tyson asked cautiously. You swear you’ve never heard him use a softer voice than right now.

“I’m not sure. I never went to sleep, I guess? What time is it now?” You asked, pulling out glasses for orange juice.

“Nearly noon. You seriously didn’t sleep?” Tyson asked. The others had delved into the confections, eyes bouncing between the two of you as they stuffed their faces.

“She’s stress baking,” Mat replied quietly, helping himself to a cinnamon roll.

“What the hell is tress baking?” One of the other guys asked.

“Yeah she does this when she’s stressed. Usually when finals are coming up,” Mat said, directing it more towards you than his friend. You gave him a sheepish look, deciding not to comment since he already answered for you.

Mat was used to your stress baking as it resulted in you showing up at his place in the middle of the night with bags full of pastries in the late hours of the evening. It was always against his diet and he frequently gave most of your desserts to his neighbor, but he could never tell you no when you arrived with gifts.

“Well, I’m all out of flour, so, I’m going to run to the store again to get some more supplies so I can make a chocolate cake later,” you said hurriedly.

You did a quick double check of the kitchen, flashing all the guys a bright smile before heading out the door with your purse in hand, all of them staring until the front door shut behind you.

-

When you came back, you found Mat in the kitchen doing the dishes and nearly all the sweets you’d baked earlier were eaten or wrapped and put away. Maybe there was a plus side to being in a home with five other people.

“Mat, you don’t have to do that,” you said, setting your groceries down and hip checking him away from the sink.

“You’re already stressed, I figured doing the dishes would take away some of that,” he said with a shrug. He continued rinsing out some bowls as you gave him a small smile.

The two of you continued to wash the dishes in silence, moving to clean the countertops when you were done. After half an hour, the mess you’d made was gone and any signs of a baking breakdown had been erased.

It was a shame you were about to tear up the kitchen all over again.

“How about this,” Mat said, noticing the frown on your face at the thought of making another mess, “Let’s have a competition.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m listening.”

“You said you were making a chocolate cake, right? How about we see who can make the better cake,” Mat propositioned.

You raised both your eyebrows this time. You both knew you were the better baker by a long shot. You did have this same breakdown at least twice a year. You weren’t even sure Mat knew how to make anything that didn’t come with box instructions or included possible salmonella-inducing ingredients.

You knew what he was really trying to do. He was trying to distract you from all the stress, and he knew you couldn’t turn down a competition. You were just as bad as him when it came to winning. Thankfully, this was something you knew you’d win.

“Fine, but I hope you’re prepared to lose,” you agreed with a smile.

“I don’t know, I have been practicing my cooking skills lately,” he said, grabbing the bowls he’d just dried off.

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” you replied with an eye roll and heavy sarcasm.

You joined him in gathering all the ingredients and materials on the counter, setting up your respective stations. Mat divided the workspace in half, drawing a line in flour which made you laugh. You split the bowls between the sides and set up the ingredients on the second counter just like an actual cooking show.

“Okay, ground rules first. Half an hour to make the cakes, we bake them at the same time, and then another half hour for decorating at the end,” you explained, tying your hair back in a ponytail. Mat nodded at your statement and set a timer on his phone for 30 minutes.

“Ready.”

“Set.”

“Go!”

-

After about two hours, your creations were done. Well, they were supposed to be. Mat’s cake looked more or less like a brown lump coated in frosting and stripes. You’d tried your best to decorate yours with small chocolate roses, but you could’ve turned out a plain cake and probably would have done better.

“I think I won,” you stated confidently.

“You’re not allowed to decide, you’re biased! I’ll make a poll on my story,” Mat said, going to grab his phone.

“You can’t do that, your followers are going to pick yours.”

“Fine, we’ll get someone else to do it— Josty! Come here,” Mat called to his friend passing through the kitchen. He hesitantly walked over to where you were, not wanting to come in the middle of whatever you two were shouting about.

“We need you to make an instagram poll to see who’s cake looks better. Oh, and you’re going to taste test them,” you said, picking up your cake to pose for a picture as Mat did the same. Tyson sighed before realizing you two were serious and he opened his app to take a picture.

He added the photo to his story with a poll asking “Which one is better?” With two options, Y/N’s or Mat’s.

After you set the cakes back down, Tyson picked up a fork before stabbing them to pick out a chunk from each. He ate yours first, nearly moaning at the taste.

“Holy shit, this is, like, the best cake I’ve ever eaten,” Tyson said, shoveling down another forkful. You gave Mat a shit-eating grin.

“Okay, okay, try mine now,” Mat said, displeased. Tyson rolled his eyes before forking out some of his.

“Uh,” he coughed, “it’s a little,” cough, “dry.”

“What? No, it’s not! Let me try,” Mat shouted, outraged, and grabbed Tyson’s fork to try for himself.

It took him two seconds before he was spitting the cake into a napkin.

“Fine. You win,” Mat conceded, throwing a dish towel against the counter in mock fury.

You gloated for another 5 minutes, pointing out Mat’s terrible baking skills as Tyson continued to eat your cake and laugh at Mat.

You won the instagram poll too.

+ 1

It was the last week before you and Mat were flying back to New York. The past month had passed quickly, and Mat needed to get back for the start of training camps. As the summer began to end, the whole crew thought they’d spend one last day on the boat before everyone started parting ways.

It’s not like you were opposed to being on boats, but when all the guys did was water sports and no one wanted to slow down to teach you, it wasn’t as fun.

Today, however, had been quite calm as you sat against the front of the boat, a seltzer in hand as you watched Tyson wakeboarding in the back. Mat was curled up behind you as you leaned back against his chest, tanned skin shining in the summer sun. You reached back to grab the baseball cap off his head, placing it on yours to shield your eyes from the sun. You’d forgotten to bring sunglasses, and you figured Mat could part with his hat since he had a pair.

The day passed peacefully as all the guys took turns until it was sunset. Mat had joined you back on the seat, skin wet from just getting out of the water. He wrapped you in his arms before pulling you onto his lap, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Hey, Tys, take a picture of us real quick,” Mat said, shoving his phone into Tyson’s chest.

You thought nothing of it, you and Mat had taken many pictures together, and this was no different. Mat rested his chin on your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your stomach as you both gave your cheesiest smiles to the camera. A quick shutter indicated the picture was taken and Tyson gave Mat his phone back.

-

Mat called your name from your bed as you stood in the adjoined bathroom, finishing your nightly routine.

“Hey, do you mind if I post that picture of us on my instagram?” Mat called out.

“The one from the boat? Why?” You asked, drying off your face with a towel.

“It’s a cute picture,” he shrugged when you reentered the room.

“People are going to start talking if you do,” you warned with a cautious tone.

He paused for a second.

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Mat asked quietly, looking up to meet your eyes.

You stayed silent as you climbed in under the covers.

“What are you trying to say, Mat?”

He took a deep breath, “I think you’re amazing, you know that. And we’ve been friends for so long, it kind of feels natural, doesn’t it?” His fingers began tapping against the sheets anxiously as he held his breath and waited for your response.

You gave him a small smile, moving your body around to fully face him.

“It does,” you agreed, “But if you want us to be something more, you’re going to have to ask me on a date first.”

“A date? After I’ve already gotten you into bed? What’s the point?” You knew he meant it as a joke since he could barely finish the sentence without laughing, but you gently slapped his head as he began to apologize.

“I’m kidding!” He said between chuckles, “Will you go on a date with me once we get back to New York and it’s safe to go out again?”

“I’d love to, Mat,” you replied, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss.

“I’m still going to post that photo tomorrow, though,” he said after a short pause, smiling against your lips.

-

The next day when Mat had gone on a fishing trip with the guys, you saw a notification pop up on your phone.

“@barzal97 tagged you in a photo”

You unlocked your phone.

“Isolation isn’t so bad when you have this girl to spend it with”

[marvelsmylife]

Take a chance on me

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader

request: Hi! Can I request a Nat x fem reader? R is a teacher, & meets Nat when she visits her classroom. They flirt, but the reader turns Nat down. She has a 10 year old son (single mom) R likes Nat but is afraid to get their hopes up. Nat doesn’t give up, runs into them both getting ice cream. She joins them, Nat and her son hit it off, they head back to reader’s appt and Nat learns the truth. Nat says she wants them both in her life, she spends the night and they sleep together. Fluffy end please! 🙏 A/n this is another smutty Natasha fic that I can’t believe I actually wrote. I apologize in advance for the smut and if you are under the age of 18 please don’t read. I’ve had people in the past anonymously message me saying either their younger sibling or child was reading these types of stories and they are not ok with it.

When Natasha agreed to visit a fourth-grade class with the rest of the Avengers she didn’t expect to be attracted to the teacher. Natasha was surprised she was attracted to you because she typically went for a butch woman but thought you looked adorable in your floral dress and white cardigan. She hoped she’d be able to talk to you for a bit after their appearance but didn’t get her hopes up because they had a hectic schedule. Fortunately for her, Steve agreed to stay half an hour after their appearance with the class because you told the Avengers that your students planned a little party for them as a thank you. Natasha took this as her chance to steal you away for a few minutes before she had to leave. Unfortunately, when she was about to go up to you Wanda walked up to and started talking about what was like to teach so many children every day. Natasha glared at Wanda and was mentally cursing her out because she got to you before her. Since Wanda could read minds she looked over at Natasha gave her a nod so she walked up and asked: “I’m sorry Wanda but can I steal y/n for a few minutes?” Wanda nodded her head before you walked her over to the library corner of your classroom. You were happy that the other Avengers were in the classroom so they could distract the kids while you talked to Natasha. Throughout the entire party, you and Natasha talked about everything and anything. It’s been awhile since Natasha clicked with someone so when she noticed there were a few minutes left before she had to leave she decided to ask you out “Since I’m leaving soon what do you say we continue our conversation later tonight? Maybe over dinner and see where the night takes us?” Taken off guard by Natasha’s question you blinked several times before you responded “I’m sorry Natasha but can’t” you apologized. It’s not that you didn’t want to go out with her, god you really did but you were a single mother of a ten-year-old boy and he was your main priority. Sure you’ve had relationships after your sons' father walked out but they didn’t last once they found out you were a mom. “Can I ask why?” Natasha asked while she gave you a confused look because she thought you guys were hitting it off. “I just can’t ok” you snapped. Natasha flinched at your answer before she watched you walk away and started thanking the other Avengers for stopping by. Natasha spent the rest of the day thinking about your interaction in your classroom. She wanted to know why you rejected her because she knew there was a spark between the two of you.

The following afternoon Natasha went out for a walk to distract herself from thinking about you but just as she was passing an ice cream shop and spotted you hugging a young boy. Wanting to know who the little boy was, Natasha entered the shop and walked up to you “hey y/n” Natasha smiled when you looked over your shoulder and spotted her. “Natasha what are you doing here?” you asked and wrapped your arm around your son. Natasha elected to ignore your question and looked down at the young boy next to you “Who’s your friend?” Natasha asked. “I’m her son Alexander” the little boy held out his hand and introduced himself. “I love you and all of the Avengers.” Natasha shook his hand and smiled at him “Thank you. You know what, let me pay for your ice cream?” Natasha pulled out her wallet before you had the chance to answer “I don’t know how much their ice cream was but you can keep the change” the teenage employee looked like he was about to have a stoke when he noticed Natasha gave him a $100 dollar bill. “Would it be ok if I joined you guys?” Without a second thought, Alexander nods his head excitedly “can she join us, mom?” Alexander looks up at you and gives you his signature puppy dog eyes. Not wanting to disappoint your son you agreed “of course she can” you kissed Alexanders head and start to head towards the exit so you could eat it outside. Natasha was grateful that you agreed to let her hang out with you guys because she got to know you and Alexander in a deeper level. You were surprised that Alexander was so open with Natasha because he was usually very shy when he’s around someone he’s never met before. He when he wanted to ask someone a question he would usually whisper in your ear so you could ask. With Natasha though he was smiling from ear to ear as he asked Natasha about what was it like to be an avenger and if he could be one when he grew up. Before you knew it you and Alexander had been talking to Natasha for three hours. You could have spent another three hours talking but Alexander started tugging on your sweater and mumbled “Mom we have to go! Tommy’s sleepover is in a few hours and I haven’t packed my stuff yet.” Not wanting to leave Natasha just yet Alexander asked “do you want to come to our house? I can show you my avengers' collection while I pack my stuff for the sleepover.” “Only if your mommy lets me come over. I don’t want to go if I’m not welcomed by everyone” Natasha looked up at you and smiled. “Of course you can come over” you responded, “we better get going before Tommy’s parents stop by to pick you up”. You guys all got up and made your way to your car so you could head back home.

Half an hour later you guys arrived helped Alexander pack for his slumber party. It took you guys an hour to get him packed because Alexander kept showing Natasha all of his toys and continued to ask questions about the Avengers. Once Alexander left there was an awkward silence between you and Natasha before you decided to speak “so what do we do now?” “We can sit and talk about why you rejected me yesterday,” Natasha suggested and caused you to tense up. Patting the seat next to her on the couch you reluctantly walked over and sat next to her “Was it because of Alexander?” “Yes,” you answered honestly “99% of the people I’ve dated in the past left when I mention I have a son” you admitted while you looked into Natasha’s eyes. “I thought you were going to be one of the 99% so I said no so I could save myself from another heartache.” Natasha felt her heartbreak at your answer. You were such a sweetheart and the thought that people stopped seeing you because you had a son made her upset. “I promise I’ll never leave” Natasha whispered as she grabbed your hand kissed them. You wanted to believe Natasha but you heard that same speech before. “Do you really mean it? I don’t want you to get my hopes up.” “Yes, I mean it. I um can’t have kids so if you give me a chance I’ll treat Alexander as if he was my own son.” Natasha bit her lower lip when she realized she just revealed a secret, not even the Avengers knew. A wave of guilt washed over you at Natasha’s words “I’m so sorry” you apologized even though you didn’t have to. “It’s ok” Natasha let go of your hands and rested on of her hands on your jaw “just give me a chance and I promise I’ll make you and Alexander my priority.” Licking your lips you looked back and forth between Natasha’s eyes and lips “please don’t make me regret this” you replied before you leaned in and kissed her. It had been a while since you kissed someone so you didn’t hold back and took control. “I thought I was going to take control” Natasha laughed when you broke the kiss and started kissing your way down Natasha’s neck. “Sorry but I love being in control” you pulled away and took off your top. “You know what, let’s take this to my room. I have a very comfortable bed and my own toys I want to show you” you bit Natashas lower lip before you got up and dragged Natasha towards your bedroom. Your hands were all over Natasha as you guys entered your bedroom. Natasha in the meantime was undoing your jeans “I’ve been thinking about this pussy all last night and this morning. I want a taste before we do anything.” Natasha pushed you onto your bed and yanked off your jeans and panties. “But I want to be in control” you whimpered. Natasha just smiled and watched as you got comfortable on your bed “you’re going to pay for this.” “I’m sure I will” Natasha removed her top and bra before she settled herself between your legs. “Ohh god you smell so good.” Natasha rubbed her nose against your clit and teased your entrance. Without warning, Natasha inserted two fingers inside you and started flicking your clit with her tongue. “Fuuuck” you hissed and pulled on her fiery red hair. Looking down at her Natasha sent you a wink as she wrapped her lips around your clit and started sucking on. “You’re so wet baby” Natasha made a scissoring motion with her fingers. Abandoning your clit Natasha starting leaving hickeys on the inside of your thighs as if she was marking her territory. “Mmm, let's see what you taste like” removing her fingers Natasha licked her fingers clean and proceeded you eat you out. “Jesus fucking Christ” you screamed when you felt Natasha fucking you with her tongue. Natasha growled, “You taste so good baby, I’m not sure I’m going to leave this spot for a long while.” Natasha bit your thigh before she continued to go down on you. Natasha alternate between fucking you with her tongue and fingers. The sensation was too much for you and soon you felt yourself cumming “oh my god NATASHA ! ! !” you arched your back as you came all over Natasha’s face. “That’s right sweetheart, cum for me. You look so hot when you cum” Natasha praised you while licked up your cum. As soon as Natasha was done she kissed her way up your body. But just as she was about to kiss your lips you rolled you guys over so you were on top “smooth” Natasha laughed. “I know. Now hold the bars and close your eye” you instructed Natasha while you rubbed her clit slowly with your thumb. Doing as she was told Natasha held onto the bars on your bed frame and closed her eyes. Acting fast you got up and began to rummage through your nightstand until you found your handcuffs and the keys that when along with. “Y/n hurry up” Natasha whined but soon regretted saying those words when she felt the handcuffs around her wrist “Y/n, what the fuck” Natasha tried to get out of the handcuffs. All you could do was laugh at Natasha’s frustrated state “You might be used to being in charge when it comes to saving the world but right now, in my house, I’m in charge.” you leaned in and kissed her before you got up and walked over to your closet. “I have four different sizes of strap-ons and since I’m feeling nice I’ll let you choose-” “Fuck me with your thickest one” Natasha licked her lips and groaned she noticed I was holding a thick tan strap-on. “Moby it is” you waved the strap-on before putting it on. You watched Natasha biting her lip as she saw you lather the strap-on with lube and made your way over to her. “You’re going to love Moby. He’s my favorite because he makes the toughest chicks like you cry” you added on when you finally joined her and got between her legs. You started to tease her pussy with the tip you felt a sense of pride as you watched squirm at your action. “We’re alone right now so make as much noise as you want sweetheart” you bit Natasha’s lip before you thrusted inside her. “SHIIIIT” Natasha yelled. “Fuck me, hard baby. I love it fucking love it hard” She begged so you gave her what she wanted. Placing her left leg on your shoulder you found yourself getting turned on even more as you watched her breast jiggle every time you thrusted inside her. “as you wish little red” you fucked her as fast as you could. “YESSS” Natasha cried while she pulled on the handcuffs. The sound of your bed squeaking filled the room as you fucked Natasha faster and faster. You couldn't help but smile when you heard Natasha crying that it felt good. "Don't pull too hard or you'll hurt your wrist" you warned Natasha in between thrusts when you noticed she was pulling on them. "Please uncuff me" Natasha begged while she continued to pull on the handcuffs "please". “If you try anything I will spank you, got it?” Natasha enthusiastically shook her head so you pulled out and got the keys to remove the handcuffs. “Get on your hands and knees” you instructed and Natasha obeyed immediately. You waited until Natasha was comfortable before grabbed her hips and thrusted inside her again “shit ! !” Natasha cried. With Natasha’s cries and pleads for you to give her more as you fucked in different positions. You were surprised Natasha lasted so long because whenever you used Moby the person begged you to stop because it was painful. Not Natasha. She took him like a champ even though she was exhausted from cumming so many times. “I can’t anymore” Natasha whimpered as she slowly rode Moby. “One more time sweetheart, just one more time” you hugged Natasha’s sweaty body and placed a kiss on her lips. Hearing those words, Natasha looked into your eyes and started riding Moby as fast as she could until she felt herself cumming. “Oh god yesss” Natasha sobbed as she came hard. “You’re ok” you soothed her while you picked her up and laid her on your bed “I’ll be right back” you pulled out and Natasha let out a sigh of relief before you disappeared into your bathroom and came back with a towel. “Let me clean you up.” “You’re such a peach” Natasha sighed as you cleaned her up. “I know” you laughed softly and tossed the towel to the side and wrapped your arms around a tired Natasha. “We should really go to sleep, Alexander will be home in a few hours. Too tired to respond Natasha nodded yes before you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

[bbystark]

Gymnast 

Mob!Tom Holland x reader 

Request: Heyy could you do a mob Tom Holland x gymnast reader were Tom his family and Harrison go to see her gymnastics meet and there all impressed and they meet toms girlfriend the reader after words for the first time?!?! Thank you so much!!

Warnings: none I’m aware of :) 

A/N: I impressed myself and wrote this in like 30 minutes. Requests are flowing out of me !!^@$(* I left out the part where she actually meets the family because I had no idea how to write it without making it seem akward in this particular fic. hope u like it anon :) 

Word Count: 1,025

Tom couldn’t look away from you. 

Here he was in some other state for his favorite girl’s gymnastic meet where someone could recognize him and take the opportunity to take him out, and fuck he should really be keeping an eye out… 

But he can’t. 

He’s focused solely on you, murder attempts be damned. He had always been impressed at the small little manuevares you would do around his mansion- a handstand here, a balancing act there, maybe even a backhand spring when you were feeling restless, - but never had he really seen the calibar at which you compete. 

He shouldn't be surprised, really, the amount of sponsors you have for simply being an amazing athlete, and how you can support yourself solely off gymnastics. He should have expected that you were great. 

Olympic material, really. 

And judging by the looks on the judges faces and several other scout-looking men and women, you would most certainly be making it to the olympics if you so choose. 

He glances to his left, several of his brothers, Harrison, and his mother are just as impressed as he is. He does a quick sweep to make sure that he and his family are safe, making sure that his guards are not as entranced as he is and are actually doing their jobs. Satisfied, he turns back to watch you. 

You’ve moved on to your last part of the meet, (at least he thinks so, you had told him the night before but he was, distracted, by other things), the beam. You always had told him that the high beam always made you the most nervous, and that most of the time you felt as though you relied on pure luck once both feet were planted on the beam. 

Watching you know, he knows luck has nothing to do with it. You don’t wobble as you take your stance, doing several flips that Tom doesn’t even know the names of, just that he’s absolutely entranced at the amount of control and grace you possess. 

He watches your dismount, doing some twist that doesn’t seem like it should be possible and… 

You stick the landing almost perfectly. 

Tom has paid enough attention to know that landing the dismount was a crucial part of any routine, and he couldn’t be more proud of you. The crowd begins clapping, and as you smile towards each direction, you catch his eye and somehow your smile widens. 

He mouths a “Good job baby!” and hopes you catch it. 

After scores were released, (again, Tom really shouldn’t be surprised that you got first place in almost every single section), and your pictures have been taken along with several runner-ups, he quickly makes sure his brothers and his mom have been safely guided to one of the cars outside and on their way to the hotel. Harrison and him will shortly follow, after congratulations are made and his girl is back by his side. 

Harrison, who just got done talking to a bodyguard, strolls over to Tom and throws his arm around his shoulder. Any other day and he would be annoyed with his best friend/right-hand man, but he lets it slide because he suddenly sees you motioning him towards the back where they can be together without the worry of people seeing them. 

“Mate, how in the hell did you bag a gal as talented as that? Does she have a sister?” 

Tom elbows him. “Oh, shove off. Let’s go and see her and get back to the hotel.” 

-

“Tom!” you jump into his arms, your arms going around his neck as he kisses your face repeatedly. 

“Love, that was amazing,” he slowly puts you down, moving some stray hairs out of your face. “I think a private gym at my place is in order.” 

You laugh, but you’re not entirely sure if he’s joking. He was so in love with you that if you asked him to buy you a building and fill it with gold furniture he would probably oblige. 

Harrison suddenly clears his throat before you guys can get too romantic, and Tom turns you both to face him. 

“Harrison, this is y/n. Y/n, Harrison.” 

“It’s good to finally meet you!” 

Harrison gently shakes your hand, returning your greeting. 

“Really great stuff out there. Hey- do you happen to have a sist-” Tom smacks the back of his head before he can finish. 

“Jesus Tommy, guy can’t ask the lovely lady a question?” he rubs the back of his head, playfully throwing a jab at Tom. 

You giggle, grabbing Tom’s hand. “Where’s the rest of your family?” 

“I sent them back to the hotel love. Wouldn’t want to attract more attention.” He pulls you in for a hug. “Speaking of which, are your ready to head back to go meet them? If you’re tired we can always do it some other time, I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you-” 

You cut him off with a kiss. “I’m fine Tommy. I just need to grab my things and talk to a lady outside who said she wants to sponsor me. I think she’s from Nike, but I don’t want to get my hopes up.” 

“Jesus Christ, you were right Tommy. She’s going to the Olympics. Ay, don’t forget me when you’re handing out tickets,” he points at you and then throws some keys up in the air. “I’ll go start the car, see you lovebirds in a bit.” 

Harrison makes his way out of the locker room, humming the anthem played at the Olympics. 

“You told him I’m going to the Olympics?” 

“I may have been bragging.” He pulls you in for another kiss and laughs. 

“I’ll see you outside. Take your time with Ms. Nike, she may want to just give you the company after seeing your talent.” 

You slap his shoulder and he pinches one of your thighs. “I’ll be back soon! Tell your family I can’t wait to see them!” 

You make your way out of the locker room, Tom staring at you all the while. 

He really didn’t exactly know how he got so lucky with you.

[thestarrynightslover]

She’s So Pretty

Pairing: Hailey Upton x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1,640

Warnings: Slight mentions of alcohol.

Summary: You and Hailey meet at a karaoke bar one night when you don't even try to hide your interest in her.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: So… I guess I wrote a Hailey fic? It’s obviously my first but I just couldn’t shake off the idea and had to go on with it. I wanted to see her interactions with the unit and wingman!Jay on this one so, beware! Also, after the finales, I felt like we all could use some fluff (especially Hailey!). Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck, lemme know what you think!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

You and your co-workers had decided on a karaoke bar for that Friday night after shift, which was great because you absolutely loved karaokes! With that in mind, you didn't have any other plans besides hanging out with your friends, getting a little tipsy, and singing until someone decided it was time to kick you out. But all of that changed the second your eyes fell on a cute blonde that had really beautiful ocean blue eyes.

That woman could easily change your plans on any given day. And, convinced that she should know about it, you started to plot flirting moves in your head. First, as usual, you started to give her the sexy stares — not that girls would usually get very impressed by that but you wanted to catch her eye, show her your interest —, which quickly got your friends to get their gossiping started.

"Wait. A. Second. " You heard one of your colleagues say. "Are you really switching teams tonight, (y/n)?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I mean… You usually prefer girls…" She offered but, seeing your confused expression, she added: "because we can tell you're, you know, on the flirty mode."

"That obvious, huh?" Good. Your plan was working. "But I still don't know what you guys are so surprised about. Who do you think I'm going for?"

"Isn't it that hottie, broad-shouldered, blond guy? The one on that table with three other people?" The other one asked, pointing with her head in the exact direction you had been looking at.

"What? No, no! I mean, I am, indeed, looking at that table but that guy's not the one catching my attention! The blue-eyed hottie beside him is!" Hearing that, they all looked at the girl who was now smiling brightly at something one of the men she was with had just said. Jesus, that smile.

"Okay. She is pretty. Like, really pretty." The only male friend in your group stated while you just threw him an I-know-that look. "You know, you saw her first but, in case she's not your type o' player, gimme a heads up, please!" He asked poutingly while you just rolled your eyes.

"Just because you've already hooked me up before."

"And that is why our partnership works!" He told you with a wink while you just laughed, going back to your job and sort of disconnecting from your co-workers' conversations for the rest of the night.

"Wow, Jay, that shirt must be doing you a lot of service, huh?" Hailey teased her partner in a hushed whispered tone.

"What?" Was all Jay said while trying to conceal his confusion when he saw the smirk on her lips.

"That girl over there! She hasn't gotten her eyes off you the whole night!" Hailey said, as if he was the dumbest person alive. So he followed her gaze to discreetly meet the eyes of a very beautiful woman he'd already noticed before. Except that, unlike Hailey, Jay actually knew who, on their table, she was looking at.

"What? You think she's looking at me?" With that playful look never leaving her face, his partner just said:

"Of course, she's looking at you! Who else?" He couldn't believe it. The all-mighty, badass-detective, Hailey Upton was missing that one? No way.

"Really, Hailey?" He asked, still thinking she was just trying to prank him.

"Uh… I mean…" She stuttered, not really being able to come up with a proper response.

"Oh my God!" Jay squealed out, as he couldn't stop chuckling.

"What?" She asked, starting to fear she was embarrassing herself somehow, "what?" He just kept laughing, it wasn't every day he got to mock Hailey without the certainty that she already had something worse for him in the works.

“She is very obviously looking at you!” He told her with a huge suggestive smile on his face while trying to hold back his laughter.

“What?” She asked him, still mesmerized by that possibility. “C’mon! You’re joking, right?”

“Jesus Christ, Hails. Of course, she’s looking at you! Look again and you’ll see it.” Jay assured her one more time, which got her curiosity in the play, so she looked. And, instantly, you winked at her. Hailey didn’t know what to do with that. How to react. Confusion was all over her face, so you smiled and got out of your seat.

“Oh my God, Jay. Oh my God. I looked and now I think she’s coming here! What do I do?” She nervously hissed at her partner. “What do I do??

“What do you mean what do you do? You talk to her. Smile. Don’t act grumpy. That is, if you’re interested…” Seeing her panicked look, he turned to her to ask: “God, Hailey, what’s the matter with you tonight?”

“I- I, uh, I don’t know… I’m just…” She started rambling once again while tucking a string of hair behind her ear.

“Okay, breathe. Now, tell me, what’s going on? Is she not your type? Or are not interested in meeting anyone? Because, if it’s any of those things, just tell her so. We both know that girls don’t usually have a problem being told no.”

“Right. I know that. And it’s not really because of any of the things you said… I just- I just haven’t been with anyone in a long time. And with the way our jobs are… I’m not sure if it’d be nice to get someone wrapped up with me right now.” She confessed to her best friend.

“Oh, Hails…” He started while offering soft eyes and a kind smile, “I’m not sure if I’m the best person to give you advice on that front-” Hearing that, she had to interrupt Jay to say, in between dry chuckles:

“That you really aren’t! But I’d like your input anyways. I mean, i’s not like I have a clue of what to do, so…” Hailey told him with a glimpse of a smile on her lips.

“Ha ha ha. Well, I just think that you shouldn’t hold yourself back this much. The seule fact that you haven’t been with anyone in a while should settle it!” He exclaimed, raising his hands, as if it was the simplest, most obvious thing ever. Ignoring Adam and Kevin’s curious looks, Jay went on: “I just think that you should try and live your life! You know, what you said about our jobs… Only makes the whole fun-time thing more necessary, if you ask me. Besides, you don’t need to overthink this! We’re in a freaking club, Hailey! You think the girl’s gonna come here and propose?”

“First of all, I don’t see you doing much of that fun-time thing yourself!” She pointed out, to which Jay just responded by taking a sip of his drink. “And, second, look! I don’t think she’s even coming here at all.” So he looked towards the direction his partner was indicating to see you getting on the small karaoke stage the club had. Hailey looked triumphant for not having to decide on whether to live her life or not. And Jay just shook his head in disapproval, which quickly became mock towards his partner when they noticed the song you were singing.

“They’re so pretty it hurts

I’m not talking ‘bout boys, I’m talking ‘bout girls

They’re so pretty with their button-up shirts”

As you sang, you made sure to let the blonde girl know that it was meant for her. And, God, did she know.

Hailey was pretty sure she’d never, once in her entire life! Ever blushed that hard. By then, your flirting had become so obvious that even Adam and Kevin noticed and started to itch with curiosity.

“Say, Hailey, you hiding a big game from us, huh?” Ruzek half-barked while drinking from his beer bottle. She just blushed harder while trying to cover her face with her hands.

“Damn, Miss Upton! Talk about a big game! That girl is fine!” Kevin chipped in and Jay thought it was his moment to go back to wingmanning his partner.

“I told her that! See?” With that, Hailey took a peek from her hands and she couldn’t believe Jay was doing that! Or she could, she just didn’t anticipate it because your voice was distracting from everything else. To her, you were singing beautifully, even though there was already a hint of drunkenness in your voice. And no one had ever done something like that just to get her attention. For her. “Hailey, I’m serious now: give the girl a chance. Give yourself a chance, woman!” Jay spoke again, pulling her out of her thoughts to notice that Kevin was nodding vigorously to it and Adam asking:

“Wow! When did Jay get this wise?” After that, she let out a laugh and prepared herself to go talk to you 𑁋 because, no matter how upfront you could be, Hailey Upton wasn’t about to let you make all the moves 𑁋, like she was getting ready for battle. With more cheers from her fan club, she made her way to the stage, where you were just getting down from.

The minute you saw her there, though, you literally lost your balance 𑁋 being that close to her seemed somewhat more intoxicating than the alcohol you’d drunk. But, just like in the movies, she held your arms before you could go any further. Her soft touch seemed like a dream to you.

“H- hi.” You said nervously, after steading yourself, while biting your bottom lip. Why were you getting that nervous? You didn’t even know the girl yet! But there was just something about her…

“Hi. I’m Hailey,” she said, holding out her hand for you to shake.

“I’m (y/n).” You responded by taking her hand in yours. Yeah. There was definitely something about her. That was why.

[astoldbygingersnaps]

Totally crashing the party late here but 6, 8, 24, 32

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

jesus christ we're coming out of the gate STRONG with this bad boy.

i guess my chronic writing-related fear is that the stories i create are either objectively not good or just completely irrelevant and frankly said fear haunts my every waking moment. no biggie tho.

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

i would choose dialogue. DIALOGUE DIALOGUE DIALOGUE because i Love It So Much and have found ways to utilize a dialogue-only strategy for ~*~artistic purposes~*~ in my writing before ala the break-up scene in band au chapter one. so i think it would just be a very abbreviated version of my typical writing style in that i already do tend to lean very heavily on using dialogue to highlight character/plot development and to discuss themes & conflict. it would just lack a lot of the glimpses into the characters' interior lives and like. sick descriptions of haunted spaceships.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

itttttt really depends on the fic. i will say that some projects i've done, because of the nature of the setting or the plot structure, just don't require a lot of research or planning. for example, something like the friends with benefits oneshot i wrote that has somehow become my most popular shiita fic required little to no storyboarding/world-building because it was a character piece set in the naruto canon. but obviously You Know Who required SIGNIFICANTLY more effort because i was sitting down to write a series that was going to take place over a period of about five years AND i was working with a canon that i had only the slightest familiarity with.

for the most part, i do tend to put more emphasis on making sure character beats are authentic and relationship development is impactful than always have 100% accuracy to any canon or setting i'm working with (see my perhaps laughable lack of detail to most things music-related in band au, because that's just Not The Point at the end of the day), but when that attention to detail IS needed to really make said character beats land (like in jurassic world au, for example) i will make a serious effort to nail them down. when that effort is necessary, i do tend to enjoy it, because a lot of time learning more about a world will give me ideas on how to flesh out plot points i'd only thinly conceived of in passing (read: literally 80% of star trek au, which can be credited to me opening random articles on the star trek fanwiki and going 'hey that sounds neat' and throwing it in).

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

(cw for vague descriptions of implied homophobia/substance abuse/mental illness)

a part of me is deeply tempted to cheat and say literally all of far from born again by mediest, because that fic has haunted my brain like a ghost since the moment i read it a few years ago. it's honestly one of the most searing and uncomfortably real/relatable portrayals of mental illness and addiction that i've ever read, and there are parts of that fic that genuinely make me feel like someone took an ice cream scoop to my heart and started carving out bits--but, like, in a fun way. the part that i will highlight, though, is this bit from the first chapter:

Are you in a relationship? Have you always been interested in men? Those past girlfriends, were they just PR? How do you think this will affect your work? Here’s a guy who says the two of you hooked up at a nightclub—care to comment? Do you think you’re pulling focus away from your talent by making the conversation all about your sexual preferences? Do you think audiences will be able to see you as a believable leading man after this? Sylvain’s career hits a brick fucking wall. Directors lose interest. Interest among journalists remains volcanic. They want to know where he’s going. They want to know how he’s feeling. They want to know who he’s fucking. They want to watch him implode? Sylvain’s a people-pleaser. He’ll give them what they fucking want.

because it's both SUCH a fucking great way to end a chapter and also really captures that almost addictive high you get when you just. blow your whole life up in a way that i hadn't read/felt before. so yeah! if you like fire emblem three houses PLEASE read this fic (with caution) because it's a masterpiece and also it burned my house down. i love it.

[call-me-sammy]

About Walnuts... or something

Matt Murdock crackfic

Word count: 1444

This was great. Perfect. Awesome. Just what he needed right now.

With a sigh, Matt shed off his jacket, dropping it to the ground next to him. The crack of his neck echoed through the alleyway he’d been forced to back into, as he briefly warmed himself up for the upcoming fight.

Fucking kingpin and his stupid goons. They’ve always had a shit sense for timing. Fuck them and their habit of ruining his good mood.

He raised his fists. The scarf he was always carrying with himself since the last time he had to act quickly without his suit (he’d learned from his mistakes, mind you) was now dangling around his head, covering his eyes and nose. Time to beat up some bad guys.

Five minutes later, with a nosebleed and a few bruises that would surely be a dark shade of purple by the time he got home, he kicked the last goon hard in the side. Not because it was necessary (he was already very much unconscious), but because, frankly, the guy was a dick.

He looked down on himself. Or rather, he dropped his chin to his chest and concentrated on taking in all his surroundings.

Now, the stench of blood all around him became obvious. Fuck, he hated the smell of it. It wasn’t his own blood for once, thankfully, but it was still on his hands. And his face. And clothes. On his shirt. On his white, button up shirt.

Awesome, another one of his good shirts ruined. It just had to be one of the button ups he always wore to work, didn’t it? Those goons had no respect for fashion (or sense for it either, considering what they were wearing). Did they have any idea how expensive good clothes could be??

He let out a huff as he kicked him again, this time in the face (just for good measure), before turning away and making his way back towards his apartment, casually picking up his jacket on the way and slinging it over his shoulder.

He’d have to go buy some new shirts.

--

“Hey, sorry, excuse me, could you help me find some, uh... walnuts...?”

He spoke the last word hesitantly, suddenly not entirely sure if he remembered correctly. He’d heard someone, somewhere, mention them being a good, ecofriendly substitute for detergent. For some reason, he had remembered that conversation today of all days, shortly after his afternoon fight, and he’d thought hey, why not try if it actually works? Doing good for nature and all, you know.

Now, he wasn’t entirely sure about it anymore though. Walnuts. It had been walnuts, right?

“I just need help finding them because I, uh-“

He waved towards his eyes, trying to explain to the Aldi employee why he needed her help.

“Well. I’m blind.”

Yes, she knows Matthew. You’re wearing toned glasses and you have a white cane with you. It’s pretty obvious.

The employee just shrugged. “I kinda figured. So, walnuts, yeah?”

“Yes. Walnuts. I need them for, uh. For washing.” He added dumbly, regretting it immediately. Now she was gonna think him a weirdo, great job Matthew. Who even used walnuts for washing, anyways?

“....and to eat them. Of course. Cause walnuts, uh, they make smart... from what I’ve heard. Uhm...”

He trailed off, as soon as his brain, helpful as ever, informed him he was only making it worse. Yeah, he could really use some “smart” now. Damn it, Matthew, get your shit together.

The girl didn’t even bat an eye, she just shook her head slightly and gently took him by the elbow, guiding him down an aisle.

“This way.”

“Oh, and I also need some new shirts? I got bloo- ...blond. Uh. Blond hairdye, on my shirt, because I was... dying my hair—“

He could’ve slapped himself. You have dark hair, Matthew.

She just rolled her eyes (not that he would’ve known) and got him to the clothing aisle next. Customers.

Five minutes later he stood outside of the Aldi again, clutching a bag of walnuts and a maxi pack of plain, white shirts. He also bought a glass of stracciatella yoghurt, cause he was hungry, and impulse buying’s a thing. Sue him, it just smelled good.

Now he didn’t even really need to wash his old shirt anymore since he had new ones, but he was still gonna do it. He was curious now, if it was really gonna work.

Back at home he dumped all of the new shirts plus the old, stained one straight into his washing machine, then put a few of the walnuts in a sock and after a second of hesitation, just threw it in there too. He started the machine, turned away and then just forgot about it for the next couple hours.

---

“Damn, I’m gonna be late again, damn it damn— Foggy, hey!”

He almost crashed into his friend, while hurrying down the corridor as fast as he could while still trying to look like a normal blind guy.

“Christ, Matt, you gotta slow down or you’re gonna break your neck running into someone, man. Where were you? You’re almost late again, and— oh Jesus, what are you wearing?”

Even without seeing it, Matt could feel Foggy's horrified stare on him. Or, rather, on his shirt.

“What's wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Fuck, Matt, is that blood?”

Foggy's voice was a harsh whisper. He pulled Matt into an empty room, pulling the door close behind them.

Matt sighed. With his luck, out of all the shirts he just had to pick the old one, didn’t he?

“No, it’s-“

“Matt. Stop bullshitting. Man, what did you think wearing an obviously bloodstained shirt to work? Are you insane?”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Yes, it is! Can’t you, like... smell it or some shit?”

Matt was growing increasingly annoyed. He crossed his arms over his chest. As if this was his fault. Stupid walnuts.

“No I can, normally, but I washed it. It just smells like soap now. No blood.”

“So what, you just threw a bloody shirt into the washing machine without doing anything else with it before?”

“Yeah, why, what should I have done with it? Isn't just washing enough?”

Foggy shook his head, incredulous.

“Geez, how are you so clueless about all of this? Wasn’t your dad a boxer? You need to wash the blood out first, with cold water, and then treat it with lemon juice or vinegar or something before actually washing it. It won't wash out completely if you don't, man. I feel like you should know that by now.”

“...wait, how do you know all of this?”

Foggy shrugged.

“Had to listen to one of Karen's rants about it.”

“And why would Karen know that much about washing out blood? I thought I was the one beating up people here.”

Foggy gave him a disappointed look, the words “you gotta be kidding me” basically radiating off of him.

“...she’s a girl, Matthew.”

“Yes, I know that, thank you, but why— ...oh. Right.”

“Jesus, Matt, I thought lawyers were supposed to be smart. But you’re just one hell of a dumbass, seriously..”

He shook his head and pulled Matt's jacket closer together over his chest to cover more of the stains.

“...c‘mon, let's just go to my place real quick. It’s closer, but we’ll still be late though. Well, better be late than have our new clients see you wearing that. Would give one hell of a first impression, that's for sure.”

Matt only hummed in response and was about to walk out again, when Foggy held him back.

“What did you wash it with, anyways? Smells a bit funny.”

Matt had noticed too, of course, but it just smelled a bit different from his usual detergent. There was nothing wrong with it. Not really.

“Oh, uh, with Walnuts.”

There was a short pause.

“....with walnuts? Why would you- what? ...Why?”

“I think I heard someone talk about it once? How it’s more ecofriendly and better for nature and all. Just thought I’d give it a try.”

He shrugged, and then grew more and more concerned and confused when Foggy didn’t respond. Then, after a good five second pause, he burst out laughing so hard that Matt actually flinched.

“Soapnuts, Matt, they’re called soapnuts! Not fucking walnuts, soapsnuts!”

Foggy was laughing so hard he was close to tears, wheezing breaths in and out.

Matt on the other hand was blushing hard in embarrassment. Oh god.

“Oh. I thought they said- I didn’t know-“

Foggy just hugged him briefly, a single tear running down his cheek.

“Fuck, Karen is gonna love this!”

---

About a week later, Matt received a package. No sender, just his adress and the word “walnuts” written on it in black ink.

When he opened it, he found a wooden corset inside. Made out of walnuts. (He looked damn good in it.)

@tallbisexualwantstobeloved @whumpdoyoumean @do-androids-dream-ao3acc

Note: alright folks, what you here see is a weird crack fic me and three other people wrote, just for fun. The idea came from a dumb joke and a, admittedly, pretty weird but hilarious conversation, and somehow we decided to make a challenge out of it? So all of us wrote a fic for it. You can find them here, here, and here. I really recommend reading them cause frankly they’re pretty hilarious XD

Thanks for reading!

[sorio99]

Deltarune Chapter 2: Live Thoughts

So, since the new chapter of Deltarune came out, I've played it all the way through, so, here are my thoughts as I had them. Basically a live-blog, but, not live anymore, I wrote these in my notes app before.

NOTE: Obviously there are going to be ALL THE SPOILERS for Deltarune Chapter 2 in this, as well as Chapter 1. Reader discretion is advised.

Wow, okay, so I was wrong about it being immediately explained.

Various descriptions have changed, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the change to a new game, or the one to a new chapter.

I feel like Berdly is definitely a m’lady guy.

Okay, so, we’re not skipping class this time.

I really wish we could call Toriel and tell her we’re gonna be late again, but I couldn’t see an option for that. Maybe Kris told her on the ride to school.

Okay, so, Noelle is definitely adorable, and a huge lesbian.

Susie seems lovestruck too, kinda.

SHE HAD CHALK, AND SHE DIDN’T TELL ALPHYS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE AND SUSIE COULD GO GET IT TOGETHER OH MY GOD

Okay, honestly wasn’t expecting the closet to work again.

Fricking LOVE the new transition.

Okay, so, Ralsei knows about, the real world? How, why, and what?

Oh, that, makes, a little sense? But also, if we hadn’t brought the toys over to the closet then, would they all be, dead?

AND WHAT IS RALSEI IN THIS CONTEXT?!?!

Okay, but I love the new town.

Holy shit, save points have storage, AND a spare list? Hell yeah.

So, we’re all level 2 now. I guess they moved from EXP based (or, execution point based?) to Milestone.

Love the basement for bad guys, with K. Round standing guard.

Bitch said “Child abusers live in Hamster Cage”.

Wait, he uses the hamster wheel?

I don’t know if I believe the king about his “bluff” or not. I think not, but, I don’t know.

I can see the “Susie moves to Ralsei’s castle to escape her abusive home” fic already.

RALSEI GAVE KRIS A TRASHCAN, AND SAID IT WAS FOR THE MANUAL IF HE GIVES US ANOTHER ONE OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY MY SWEET FLUFFY BOY

And of course, the moss call-back.

Oh god, Susie just said “My own room, huh.” and my heart is ready to shatter.

This girl has one actual food item in her fridge, and it’s just salsa

Oh, scratch that, there’s ice, crumbs, and jawbreakers in there too?

Oh, okay, Ralsei did give her actual food.

Entering Lancer’s room gives the cartoon Splat sound effect from Chapter 1, and his bedroom is identical to Chapter 1.

Perfect.

And the sound effect, plays in reverse when leaving? Okay.

So, explore until we’re ready to leave, huh? Seems, suspicious.

Oh my god, I just realized, the LightCandy is literally the chalk Noelle gave Susie. What the fuck.

So, for giving the Top back his cake, we get regenerating SpinCake that heals everyone for 140. Nice.

Battle challenges, huh? This should be interesting.

So, we can get a ClubsSandwich, $100, or…Jigsaw Joe’s entire life savings. Okay.

Aw, Clover has separate heads in their dialogue box!

Just realized this “dojo” also has their bed. Odd.

Alright, let’s take these challenges!

Oh, so if we act with Kris, than spare with Ralsei or Susie…got it!

He has a mercy meter. There’s a mercy meter now. I love this.

Oh, of course his life savings is exactly one dollar.

I can already tell the Graze challenges are gonna be the biggest bitches.

Okay, so, being able to rematch bosses, with different gimmicks and attacks, but based on the same logic? Always amazing.

I love the little cut-ins from the other characters with certain lines, like Susie and Lancer revealing “for a price” means zero dollars.

“Cookie and Wife”?

The Blacksmith runs a bakery where he can fuse items…okay.

Imma get a Silver Card.

What the fuck, Mr. Society?

Okay, so, we’re “leaving” through the way we came in, so “surely” we’re going back “home” to the “real world” and our “family”. Sure.

LANCER was added to your key items.

Oh was he now?

And so was Rouxls, “even though no one wanted that.”

Oh, we, actually went back to the light world. Huh. Actually wasn’t expecting that.

Jack of Spades, and the Rules Card. Makes sense.

Still LV 1 here, thankfully. No murder yet.

Okay, thankfully I can call Toriel now.

…Undyne, what the fuck?

Also? This, car horn music, I guess? Is, um…interesting.

Oh, the, computer lab. Where Toby was in Chapter 1. Okay. Makes sense.

“Guess this means we can’t start our project.” I’d say the biggest obstacle is more that we have no clue what the hell this project is supposed to be.

Hmm, we could use the computer at my house, or we could have a fun Toby Fox adventure…

My house!

I knew Susie wouldn’t allow it, also, you always wanna jump in big pits? That’s, worrying.

Computer lab time!

So, computer themed, maybe?

Rouxls jumped out, apparently. According to Lancer.

Okay, this build up is creepy, where’s the fluffy boy?!

Who is SHE?!

Was

Was that Noelle’s chatter sound?

Asking for help?

OH MY GOD

ITS THE REINDEER LESBIAN

SHES BEEN TAKEN

NOOOO

And, I suppose, this must be, our queen.

Q5U4EX7YY2E9N. Sure. I’ll stick with Queen, yeah.

Oh, she’s a computer! That…that’s probably not, great?

Oh, those plugs are bad, brainwashers. Okay.

Okay, they’re both tired…but Ralsei isn’t here. Fuck.

Aiming at moving targets is hard.

2 Werewires spared, only 4 to go, I guess!

RALSEI IS BACK, YAY!

Fun Gang, back together, working to save Susie’s soon-to-be-girlfriend!

Rhythm game to start a new bumping song. Nice.

Might live blog less from here, since, you know, the game is starting proper.

God, I love Deltarune’s look and sound, it’s so clean? And expressive, and AAAGH, I just love it!

I love angry Ralsei.

First lose control laughing moment: Kris and Susie squishing Ralsei like a toothpaste tube, to play an arcade game.

Did, did I just play Punch-Out inside an Undertale?

Curing computer viruses with Syringes…sure.

Sweet is the rhythm guy! Nice to meet you, Sweet! You and Toby are great at this music thing.

Hey, Susie can act now! Awesome!

Ralsei too, because of bullying! Yay!

Now the whole gang’s dancing!

(This is where I took my first real break, to process stuff and relax, and also to sleep)

In between thought: it’s kinda interesting that, in Chapter 1, Susie basically had to be forced to care about Kris, Ralsei, and Susie, but as soon as Noelle is in the slightest bit of danger, she’s immediately like, “We have to save her or die trying”, huh?

“Reverse diss-tracks, where the vocalist puts themselves down and praises Queen…or noise music.” That’s some, interesting taste in music.

“All our songs are only 4 seconds long!” Damn, so you’re, like, Vine musicians?

So, the Knight is opening alternate fountains, that create dark worlds out of, more mundane places? Interesting…

So, someone new is leading the rebels. This, can’t go well.

Smorgasbord 2.

Oooh, a TP raising Item! Nice!

Oh, the guy who was already working for Queen is a Werewire now. Okay.

66 up arrows. Hmmm, I wonder if I can retry at some point…

Oh boy. Here’s the queens…wait what?

Oh my god.

Go kart time.

Noelle, you traitor! How could you!

Oh, okay. Berdly I believe more.

Also, “beloved”.

I love how Queen apparently didn’t even ask him.

“Light Nerds” Good one, Queen.

That’s one weird Check for Berdly.

Berdly, for God’s sakes, Noelle is a lesbian, you idiot.

You know, given this villain rant, I think I hate Berdly more than I do King. And I’ve dealt with both bullies AND abusive dads.

Oh god, Roller Coaster Tycoon murder (also Berdly is dead)

Garbage! Saved by it again.

Oh, this place looks glitchy.

Also, Susie, you’re not the king of the trash pile. You’re QUEEN of the trash pile.

Oh god, please don’t tell me she’s dying.

Okay, good, she just needed fluffy boy hug.

Fork in the path, advantageous to split up, huh? But there’s three of us, and, two paths probably.

Okay, I can either go with the Fluffy boy who might secretly be evil, or the mean girl who might get lesbian scenes…hmmm…

I’m flipping a coin.

Okay, Ralsei it is!

Oh, Susie is upset at me getting to pick.

Oh, they’re going together.

Oh, this can’t be good.

If I had a nickel for every indie game with a cat themed metropolis on my pc, I’d have two nickels. You can finish the meme.

I swear I just saw Noelle on the right. Something big in the streets, hmmmm…

Okay, definitely saw Noelle that time. Shame the Poppups, popped up.

…I get it, Toby, but I’m still mad.

Blocked 10 ads…okay, I still love this game.

God, I’m already missing my party members.

Okay, so I still have Lancer, but, I’m really hoping Noelle listens to reason, because Lancer is, not.

Oh god no, don’t fight me now Queen. And please don’t join me.

Alright, nobody likes Berdly. Figured.

God they’re so dumb.

“G-got any room for another truce?” Noelle, I would do a No Mercy run for you, of course I’m going to help you.

I can’t believe “No Triple Trucies” is even an option.

Yay! Noelle in party!

“LV1 Snowcaster. Might be able to use some cool moves.” She’s got Heal Prayer, a more powerful (but more expensive) Pacify, and a damaging Ice move for only 16% TP.

I love her.

I don’t know what a sugarplum is myself, actually.

Noelle, you have a one track mind, and I like it.

Lancer, she’s not a cream, and we’re not making her a bad guy.

Oh, and she’s scared of mice, I love it!

Ah, she’s never been in battle before, let’s see how this goes.

See? That wasn’t so bad, Noelle.

Oh, she’s a natural!

“Needles aren’t scary…” Tell that to anyone under 20, Noelle.

Also, “subtle” pro-Vax message?

Oh my god, I just love her animations.

So, the virus and the syringe are fighting…hm…

Okay, so, first, Noelle’s defend animation, also perfect.

Second, so Ambyu-lance’s bullets block and destroy Virovirokun’s…hmm…

Have I mentioned how much I love Noelle? This funky little Christmas Lesbian can do no wrong.

Oh my god, she can’t even confidently say we’re friends, and hearing Kris say it makes her happy, I love her so much.

Okay, so, Queen drinks Battery Acid. Makes sense for a computer.

Kris is so done with this shit, I can tell.

I am both scared of and loving Queen.

Oh Jesus Christ Berdly what the fuck is that.

That is not greatness that is…I don’t know. I’m pretty sure even tumblr isn’t horny for you, Berdly.

Christ, he’s gonna break Queen by being an idiot and then he’ll be the Chapter boss.

Her eyes say lying. Of course.

“I Did Not Know You Had… Nipples” that’s, a good point.

…Berdly, you disturb me.

Second lost control laughing moment: Noelle’s cardboard robot face, and Queen just saying “Wow Cool Face”

Lancer, what is the “illusory nipple technique”?

Oh, of course the music bots built the statue. Berdly would never do manual labor.

Oh, and, they built the next “big” thing…hmmmm…

Why are we, flavors of tea???

Okay, that should be all the werewires for now.

The, clothing store, sold me, a useless mannequin, for $300. Of course.

I am going to touch the cheese.

Maus!

Cheese maze, purposely ruined to spare more Mices.

Hmm, Berdly talks about Noelle’s crush. $20 says he actually thinks it’s him, or maybe Kris at a stretch.

Noelle is now immune to mice! Yay!

Oh, CD Bagel, Seedy Bagel, just got that.

Okay, sacrifice pacifist run to kill Berdly…I’m tempted.

Uh, Berdly, Noelle just one shot both your allies. I’m not alone, you are.

Jokes on you, buddy, I’ve been dodging A+ for years!

“(He hit me in the face with a tornado…)” Yes, Noelle, and I have papercuts on my eyelids. He do be an asshole.

Oh good, they both made Battery Acid Pies. Now we’re in a car together. Perfect. This is exactly how I wanted things to go.

Potassium

Who is this trash man?

Spamton, huh. Oh boy.

Oh god, this song has lyrics.

Oh joy, a mini boss on my own. Just what I wanted.

Oh, new game over screen! Nice.

Anyways, I hate this guy.

Okay, just one more deal, I think. I wonder what’s next.

I’m not giving you my credit card info, dude.

Oh damnit, 1% more.

Okay, I’m very scared now.

Oh, I lost $51. That’s, fair.

Okay, back in the car.

Oh my god, Queen loves Noelle too. Perfect.

Lancer took the mixtape! Nice!

Oh, he ate it…nice!

DECEMB…

Oh god she’s a little kid.

December.

I’m so sorry, Noelle. I really hope you’re going to be okay. We’ll figure out what to do.

Queen, why does everything you have explode?

Now the prize is on my head.

Susie and Ralsei! You’re back!

She can slightly heal me now…cool!

And she taught him Sarcasm. I love them all so much.

Uh, Susie! You can have it!

Okay, so, now Susie is both gay for Noelle, and suspicious of her. Amazing.

And Noelle is turned on by the threat of being killed. Have I mentioned I love these dorks?

The gang’s all here!

Uh, just got past fireworks, and, where’s Noelle?

Oh, okay. She was just watching Fireworks.

Oooo, catching mice minigame!

Oooo, more elaborate but simpler to control mice minigame!

Oooo, bucket hole!

Also, nice gay Noelle moment noted.

Oh no, please don’t take the perfect girl away from us!

Okay, so, I don’t like Berdly, but, Acid river? Bit much…

Oh, okay. He was never in danger. I hate both of you. GIVE US BACK NOELLE

GOD DAMNIT NOT THE CAGE AGAIN.

Oh, great, now we’re captured too. Except possibly Ralsei.

She only plays mobile games. Burn her.

For once Berdly is correct.

Queen, you are dumb.

Is that the super Mario world fade?

I don’t, next question.

No looking at my Search history!

Oh, hey, we can chat in here.

LANCER TIME!

YES I MISSED YOU YOU DOPE

Lancer, never say Pants hole again, and never say you were inside it either.

Lancer, do you still not know our name?!

So this is how they lampshade the tutorial-Toriel thing, huh?

Oh no, Lancer, please don’t die in here.

Um, are there rooms for all the kids at school?

Asriel…

Puzzle time!

Plot twist: Susie is not Susan.

Berdly is dumb.

Admittedly, I did brute force that second one a bit…

Okay, now Susie has outsmarted both me AND Berdly. This is sad.

Oh god, he’s gonna cry now.

Oh, my god, that’s what December meant. That’s why Berdly cares about Noelle. That’s why…oh god.

Oh wow, Susie’s a gamer. This is incredible Lore.

Oh wow, first Lancer’s face returns, now Berdly is Anime. I love this game.

Oh my god, Ralsei in a tux. I love him.

Alright, so, Lancer needs to go back to Castle Town, and we need to get the heck to Noelle. I hope Berdly’s plan actually works…

Aw, I wanted him to stay tuxedo…

Color Cafe, huh?

Oh god, Rouxls came here. I am terrified.

I love this hype manor song!

Toby Fox, why is there so much 3D Shenanigans in this 2D Top Down RPG???

Note: from here, I end up going to the secret of this chapter. Do not read if you don’t want to be spoiled on that plotline. Skip to where I say Pancake Batter.

Okay, I’m going back, and I’m gonna find this third blue check mark.

Okay, found it, now to get back to the guy…

Yay, fireworks, again!

East treasure’s hallway leading to Basement on 1F…

Oh dear.

So there’s a secret here after all…where is…

Found it!

Okay, how to open this lock, now…hm.

Well, one thing was in the field, so, maybe in the city?

Oh Jesus it’s Spamton.

$28, not a penny more.

KeyGen, huh…

If this is as hard as Jevil, I’m gonna be pissed.

Oh, great, just Kris going in. Again. Fantastic.

Oh what the fuck.

Oh Jesus Christ I hate this build up.

Oh, and I died on the elevator. That’s fun.

Okay, so I hate this elevator. A lot.

Okay! Took like six tries, but I made it past the elevator! Now, let’s see what’s waiting for me…

EmptyDisk…hmmmmmmmm…

Maybe take that back to Scamton or whoever?

…Ralsei, Susie, what are you two doing?

Okay, trash man, you better like this.

Oh Jesus Christ.

Okay, this is not what I expected to follow Jevil’s lead. But, let’s see what happens when I turn this disk in.

Oh, nothing happened. Sure it did. Just gonna walk away then…

Oh, wouldn’t you know it, something happened!

Okay, so big puppet robot man. This is terrifying.

THANK YOU SUSIE!

Roller coaster boss! Again! Oh good!

YELLOW SOUL!

Can’t write notes, gotta kill.

Spamton, oh my god. And it’s Neo’s outfit. How the fuck did I not realize before?

Im terrified, let’s GOOOOOO!

Holy shit is that the Undertale Game Over message??????

Many tries later

Okay, I think it’s actually Ralsei and Susie talking…

Quitting the game so they can get their healing items out of storage and buy some good ones extra later

Okay, third turn, and I’ve only been hit once! Granted, it did almost 50 damage to Susie, but, still, doing better this time!

Even more death later

Did he just, attack himself?

Is he surrendering?

I…I did it! I did it in one sitting! Minus quitting so I could grab healing items that did more than 40 HP!

Oh, he killed him by freeing him…….okay.

Dealmaker, huh? Let’s see what this bad boy is…

+4 defense, +5 magic (even on Kris?), and $+30%…”and…?”

Okay, Ralsei, you get that, Susie get’s Jevilstail, and I get many questions.

Alright, now back to the actual plot!

Oh…Kris has goosebumps, and Susie’s asking if they’re okay…no. I’m saying no.

I love these two so much. Now let’s save the adorable lesbian.

Pancake Batter. Alright, we’re good.

Sorry, Noelle, got distracted.

Mouse wheel!

Tasque manager helped!

Man, this room is big and empty, with an odd exit door and screens on the north wall. Hmmmm…

Toby!

Thank you annoying dog!

Okay, I still love this music. Just wanted to say that. Anyways, PROGRESS!

We’re tea covered now. Except Susie. She’s tea filled.

Oh god, I don’t trust Berdly with Susie.

God, Knight teased.

Duck ride with Fluffy Boy.

Okay, so, puzzle time, methonk.

High Five!

More duck ride!

Ralsei, do you wanna do the kissy?

Oh boy.

Oh jeez.

Oh damn.

Rouxls.

Ralsei, you read my mind.

Oh Jesus it’s the tank from the first game.

Okay, so, we, take houses? Okay.

I can’t believe some people thought this dork was Gaster.

Wow, I beat him in like 3 and a half turns because I blocked him in.

Another God Dammit because SOMEONE didn’t pay attention to what happened to Lancer.

His head is still blue…

Hey, Camera! Peace signs and hugs!

Mostly hugs.

Yay, more Susie and Noelle time!

Oh my god, my heart is breaking.

Okay, I love these adorable girls.

Oh boy, this is, weird.

“Point and hearts come out” or “Eat moss”. The choice of a generation.

Fair point, Susie.

She likes scary things, huh.

Kinky

Have I mentioned how much I love these two? Because I do.

Susie and Noelle are best girls ever, no objections.

Oh good, Berdly, don’t ruin this completely, okay?

I fucking knew it.

Noelle, you’re going to kill him, and that’s okay with me.

Susie, stop squishing him like toothpaste!

Oh boy, I get big “final boss” energy right now…

Werewerewire?!

Okay, so I just stole from Noelle’s room.

Okay, boss time.

Shit, I should’ve healed up.

Okay, so, I died, but, I can fix that!

So, this boss is calling back to how the town’s internet has gone out, a fact I didn’t even learn until watching other content last night when I should have been sleeping, because I forgot to talk to Alphys during the brief chance I had.

Also, now both she and Ralsei have made reference to the real world outside…hmmmm…

So I guess the plot is about Google search being evil…yeah that checks out.

Bitch, did you just funny runny way?

Hmm, I’d say 50/50 odds of him being a drama Queen vs. him trying to trick Susie into caring about him.

Yep, he’s trying to score a kiss. Berdly…get a job.

Alright, let’s save Noelle, and possibly the whole town.

The “Roaring” Knight?

Oh god, the determination…who is this Knight, what is going on, and how involved are we?

Wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT

When she described the Knight making more darkness, she said they took their blade, and showed an image of a knife. Was…was this…

HOLY SHIT IS KRIS’S NIGHT SELF THE KNIGHT?!?!

Oh. It was a giant robot. Not a statue.

Susie’s dancing!

Oh yeah, he can fly.

Resistance! Yay!

Okay, so, we sentai up in this bitch.

I wonder how the hell this story would go if we didn’t go pacifist then? Because in Chapter 1, all that really changed was how the boss was defeated in the cutscene, and like a couple details later. This is, a lot more than that.

Okay, so, three rounds of HP, punch out for her turns, just keep attacking. Got it.

Two rounds down, one to go!

Yes, eat your own Baseball, bitch!

Oh, suicide attack. Well it was just a robot.

Oh. She still has us.

Oh fuck the robot is Noelle’s mom. Fuck.

Okay, so, Queen is dead.

Oh fuck, don’t take over the world with darkness all of you, please.

The Roaring?

Oh fuck, new legend lore.

Titans, Fountains, enveloping the land in devastation. Oh jeez.

Lost eternally in an endless night…that’s not paradise. That’s hell.

QUEEN IS ALIVE?!?! AND DIDN’T KNOW ANY OF THAT?!?!

Thank you, Susie!

Okay, that’s a good ending for a second chapter, it’s dark fountain time!

Susie, please don’t turn evil.

…

And, we’re in the computer lab!

Wait, Ms. Boom? Does, does Gerson have a daughter, or wife?

Lost control laughing #3: this

I love this game so much. Time to explore town again.

Okay, Alphys does crush on Undyne still, at least.

Oops, I just let all the prisoner dogs out.

Awww, Undyne likes Alphys too!

Napstablook, I love you.

Oh shit, Asgore used to be a pig?

Oh god, this Rudy storyline is gonna be depressing all the way through, huh?

Susie, can we steal the tower of the gods?

Hey, we can actually go back to Ralsei’s dark world?!

Okay, this is gonna be interesting.

Oh thank god, we can save in the epilogue now, cool.

Oh cool, King and Queen together.

Oh my god he calls her Queenie Beanie. I love this.

So, a card and a computer fucked to make Lancer, who is a card. Okay.

Okay, so Lancer DOES know Kris’s name! Just not Ralsei’s!

New battle challenges! Yes!

Might save “Ch. 2 All-stars” for another time, though…

Perfection is the mannequin reaction.

Oh my god there’s a dedicated room for listening to music I love this

Alright, time to skedaddle back to the real world.

Okay, so Alvin is Gerson’s son, and he’s depressed. Fun.

Oh, MK and Snowy are by the creepy bunker. That’s…fun.

Okay, so, Susie scared them off after they insulted Kris, because Kris said something about the bunker…hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Hey, Nice Cream Guy is one of the Ice-E’s employees! Nice!

Ah, PizzaPants. Never change.

Oh hey, it’s the little guy, who’s clone is a Gaster follower. And the bird guy’s still in the library, and the donut guy is still in his car…

Hey, Catty and Bratty are becoming friends again! Cool!

Omg, Sans’s store is open. Do I…go in?

Hell yes I do!

Okay, so, Grillby’s music still, but, different interior. Interesting…

Sans, a day and 2 years in this game are not equivalent. It’s a day and 3 years.

The trousle grows further away.

Oh jeez Susie’s been drinking the milk. Oh god.

Cool, Susie’s seeing Onion too!

Oh, never mind.

A song is coming from deep under the water…either Shyren is involved, or this is gonna take a turn.

See you, Su-

Oh! Hey mom! Meet Susie!

Pie for all!

Oh my god, Susie, my heart is breaking.

Okay, so Alphys and Toriel know about the chalk. That, kinda makes Susie thinking she’d get expelled for it, really depressing.

Okay, so, Toriel and Susie are gonna make Pie together, that’s cool. Still, pretty worried about, Kris.

Uh, I just ran the sink, and, uh…

WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SO MY SOUL IS UNDER THE SINK, KRIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY IS IT BLACK OUT THE WINDOW WHERE ARE YOU GOING

WHAT THE FUCK

…so we get a cute scene with Susie and Toriel, then Susie asks where Kris is and…they do this sometimes?

I’m very concerned.

Okay, Toriel is concerned too, enough to say “hell”. Even Susie is shocked.

Okay, so, they’re coming back, uh, okay, this isn’t good, right?

Stopped the faucet, opened the drawer, and…we’re back?!

Kris what the fuck are you doing

And why couldn’t we find Asgore in the town?

Okay, so, we’re all sleeping in the living room. I, guess tomorrow’s the weekend, probably? I don’t know?

Susie, doesn’t have caring parents, I guess?

Oh god, Susie wants them to come to our world, but, Lancer is a playing card, he can’t…I don’t know. I’ll say it’s “far-fetched”.

There’s a festival, apparently. This seems…suspicious.

I’d take Ralsei, so you could take Noelle.

She’s asleep.

That, might not be good, in this context.

Okay, so, we’re asleep too, I think?

Oh god, Toriel’s tires are slashed, that can not be good, in any way.

Okay, night time, Toriel and Susie are asleep…now what are you doing, Kris?

That, knife…

Okay, so, yep, they’re the Knight, and they just opened Darkness in their living room. This is, not, good. And, the tv’s on, and the door’s unlocked…

What the fuck is happening?

Ending credits song sounds, techno? Is this more of Don’t Forget? Or a remix? I hear the lyrics at least.

“To be continued in Chapter 3” OH IT BETTER BE, TOBY

So, yeah, that's Deltarune Chapter 2. In conclusion: this explains nothing, raises 120% more questions, and overall is still an incredible, wonderful game. I also like how each Chapter so far has been almost as long as a full play through of Undertale, and yet we're still somehow only 2 sevenths of the way through. Oh yeah, did I not mention? After completing it, it brought me to a chapter select with SEVEN DIFFERENT CHAPTERS, only two of which were available. So, you know. THAT'S FUN!

In actual conclusion, please play this game, it's free, it's amazing, and also buy the soundtrack on Bandcamp so Toby can make some kinda living.

[pebblysand]

of breakable clay [extended author's notes on chapter viii of castles]

oh my god. it’s out. jesus christ.

okay first off, before i dive into anything, i know i’ve already done this in the actual a/n but i would like to wholeheartedly thank @whiffingbooks over on discord for helping me with figuring out the structure of things fic. although i have to admit i did not, at all, do what i told you i would do, talking it out was massively helpful in figuring this one out, so thanks a million. secondly, i would like send all of my most sincere and affectionate thanks to @whizzfizz on here, who mother-of-god basically designed this entire chapter and listened to me rant, and rant, and rant about it for days on end without complaining. i’ll go into a bit more depth later on, but THANK YOU.

now, a few facts on this chapter before i dive further in:

wordcount: 19168. i legit would apologise for this but i promised i wouldn’t so i’m not going to. that’s growing up people. don’t apologise for yourselves haha.

soundtrack: so i’ve never mentioned this but each chapter kind of has a soundtrack? like a song that i listened to on loop while writing this. here, i would basically point you to the entire spotify of a band called barns courtney (there’s one album and a few eps), i basically listened to all of their songs on loop this past month. i feel like they have such a strong gryffindor energy, in the good, the bad and the ugly. this chapter is definitely sort of an ode to gryffindors so their music was a very big inspo. if i had to point you to one song, it would probably be dopamine.

favourite line: ‘I dig my fingernails into the inside of my palms and it feels like the blood that comes out is already boiling.’

what is this chapter about? now, that’s an easy one. survival.

okay, now, spoilers under the cut.

ugh. holy fucking shit. i’m actually at a stage right now where i strongly believe that no one on earth will want to read this because everyone probably hates me right now for the choices that i made, especially after i made you wait almost three months for this shit. i always feel like whatever i’ve put out was the hardest chapter to write so far but this one was really out there in terms of struggles - i’m really sorry it took so long, but here we are.

there are reasons, though. first, as i said in my may round up, i didn’t really start writing this until about a month ago, because a lot of things were happening in my life that i needed to take care of. i took exams (which i passed!!!!), my mum had a health emergency, ireland added france to their mandatory quarantine list (it has been removed as of yesterday thank. fucking. christ) and i started a new job. it was a lot.

anyway, this being said, when i did get to writing this chapter, as mentioned above in the thank-you section, i kind of first struggled with the structure of it. now, you will see this is a recurring theme this time around but for this, my instincts were telling me one thing, and my brain was saying something else.

basically, what came first here wasn’t the actual content of ginny’s letters (more on that, obviously, in a minute) but the ‘mood’ i wanted for the chapter. i wanted to recreate, both for harry and for the reader, this sort of idea of being completely immersed in a book or a story. like, you know the kind of mood where reality just kind of blends out, where you start reading something and just. cannot. stop. i don’t think he’s much a reader (at least not canonically) and so i wanted this to take him by surprise, for her to take over his life with her words. i explained in the previous a/n [link] i chose to have ginny’s war be told through letters (basically, i thought it would be the best way to narratively tell her story), and i really wanted harry to experience what she’d lived through almost first hand.

now, interestingly, my idea for how to do this originally was to have the letters sort of be interwoven into the events of 1999, throughout the next couple of chapters (meaning this one and chapter nine). i had this idea in my head of him living through ‘real life’ things but not being able to take his mind off her letters, with the letters also sort of echoing the events that were happening in 99, etc. having the two plot lines develop at once and meet in the middle, kind of.

and i tried to write that. for a long time. spoiler alert, it didn’t work. i think the reason is that every time i sat down with it, i felt like i was doing a disservice to both stories. i mean: 97/98 is important, but 99 also is, you know? and by taking the narrative in and out all the time, it was like you couldn’t concentrate on one thing. it was just very messy and didn’t have the intensity i was originally aiming for because it kept being dragged out of whatever was the main action at the time. i wanted harry to get sucked into the narrative, for her letters to take over his life, but in the end, the impression i just got was that the whole thing was confusing af. instead of deeply caring about both, i couldn’t bring myself to care either for ginny’s story, or for his.

also, i just kept hitting a wall: a wall called harry. basically, i knew that the next two chapters (i.e. eight and nine) would stretch from january 99 to june 99. and for the love of god, no matter how many times i turned it around in my head, there was - to me - no way that harry as we know him would just pace himself to read her letters throughout all those months. like, harry fucking potter isn’t the kind of guy who ‘paces’ himself. he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t sleep for a week to get through it all, you know? this is everything that he’s wanted to know since last may, he’s been desperately looking for answers up to this point, there is absolutely not way in hell that he’d wait it out nicely until june. it felt ooc to have him read the letters over a few months. and i just kept hitting that wall over and over. i considered, at one point, building him reading the letters into flashbacks but flashbacks of flashbacks were, again, quite messy, and i don’t think her letters would ever be something he’d volunteer to re-read, so. clearly, it wasn’t working.

then, i think on a random sunday a few weeks ago, i just went back to the drawing board and was like: okay, say we just write all of the letters and go from there, what would happen? by the end of the day, i’d written 12,000 words and that was that, really.

now, the second difficulty, once i’d decided that was…. what you all probably want me to talk about.

i know this is probably not what you want to hear but: i didn’t really plan this? like, i understand that a lot of people have sort of a headcanon about what happened to ginny in that year in hogwarts but i … don’t. like, as planned as this fic is (which it is, i know where i’m going, i promise) that was always a bit of a blank-space-tbd in my head. i think that this story, as hinny as it is, is mostly about harry. and while i knew what i wanted for harry from her telling her story (for him to get sucked in, for him to realise that his war wasn’t the only war in the world ‘cause he’s been bloody self-centered so far, for him to realise that his plan to protect her didn’t exactly work because it didn’t cater for who she is, etc.), i wasn’t really sure what that story was. i mean, i knew it was going to be bad and traumatic, obviously, but i didn’t know what would happen. and still, to me, what i wrote is a version of that year. it’s not really my headcanon (i still don’t really have one), and i definitely accept other versions, if that makes sense.

this being said, i obviously had thought about it a little. i remember writing chapter one with that line: ‘They have sex for the first time, that day – his first time and it feels like hers, too, but he wouldn’t dare ask, not anymore, anyways’ and thinking i wanted to leave the door open. to me, it was a door completely open: it could have indeed been her first time, or she could have seen someone else (consensually) during that year, or she could have been assaulted. i honestly didn’t know but yeah, that was always a possibility in the back of my head.

then, to tell you the truth, when i wrote the first version of this chapter (the 12,000 words i mentioned earlier), it wasn’t there. i sat down and decided that i wasn’t going to go there. firstly, because, while you probably don’t know this, i’ve written about sexual assault before. my previous long fic, children, in another fandom, dealt (in part) with that. and i didn’t want to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault. especially because trust me, there are people who are a lot more legitimate to talk about this than i am. i also didn’t feel like it was necessary to the story, i could do without it and still explain ginny’s early behaviour in the fic, explain her trauma, and have harry realise the things i talked about before. secondly, i’ll be honest: i know this isn’t what people in this fandom want to read. the hinny pairing is mostly about love and fluff (which i love, btw, don’t get me wrong) and i was like, ugh, i don’t want to face the angry comments. i’m writing this a/n the morning before posting so i admittedly don’t know what the reaction will be but i do anticipate a lot of annoyance with me. i knew that a lot of people wouldn’t like it if i went there, and it was just easier not to.

but then, as i started editing, there was a comment (and this, ladies and gentlemen, is a testament to how much your comments fucking matter, okay?). a comment that i remembered reading on the previous chapter and could not get out of my head, no matter how much i tried. well, hello, @whizzfizz. i’ll happily give credit where credit is due. it read:

This made me think of something you mentioned earlier in the fic (possibly Ch1) about Harry not being sure if he was Ginny’s first but that it felt like it. I wonder if this is something that is going to come up in her letters to him.

and, so, it turned. around and around in my head, and i couldn’t get it out. and i kept saying to myself: no, you’re not going there. no, you’re not going there. and then, one night, i caved. i was like, fuck, i need to know if this person really meant what i think they meant by this. and so we talked. a lot. and, i did a lot of thinking. about women. about wars. about violence against women as a an inevitable weapon of war. about ginny being harry’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend (more on that later), and what that would have meant in their world. and @whizzfizz, you said something that in the end really sold me. you said: ‘at this point, i don’t think it would be realistic for it not to have happened.’ and, that was that, really.

because i was right, initially. amycus/ginny (ugh, the idea of a pairing makes me throw up in my mouth a little but yeah, there it is) isn’t necessary to the story. but i believe it to be necessary to what this story is trying to show. the plot held well without it, no questions asked. 12,000 words of the da and their battles, of ginny’s rebellions. it was fine. but i think i wanted more than fine. to me (and i appreciate how fucking pretentious that is, please slap me in the face *eyeroll*), castles is more than its plot. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: this is about what is behind ‘all was well.’ it’s about trying to paint a realistic picture of their lives. and that includes the war. and realistically, as far as i’m concerned, knowing how humans fight their wars, knowing our history and the history of violence against women construed as a weapon in literally every conflict there ever was, there is no way that this didn’t happen. ginny says it herself: for us girls, it’s just the way wars are fought.

so, i did go there. and the whole fandom probably hates me for going there, but i sort of stand by it, i have to say. to be honest, on a sort of subconscious level, i kind of wonder: didn’t i always know i was going to go there? like, this fits perfectly into the plot to the point that i think it was probably in my head for much longer than i care to admit. now, i’m so, fucking excited to write next chapter because i finally get to write happy things, and hinny getting back together on rock solid foundations of openness and sharing, and trust, and i’m so, so glad. there are a couple of scenes in the next chapter that i’ve been working towards for months and i’m so, bloody excited to write them. everyone might hate me and i might just be writing this fic for myself now (lol), but again, i stand by the decisions i took. to me, it fits.

phew. okay, now that huge thing is out of the way and explained, here are a few more jumbled thoughts:

the more i think about it, the more i think that my reason for not wanting to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault is a bit ridic. children and castles, in that way, are so, so different. like, i appreciate the overlap between the silk fandom and the hp fandom is probably ridiculously small but if you’ve read both stories, they’re obviously very different. one thing that both stories centre on, though, is consent. and to me, that’s probably the most interesting element of ginny/amycus, and the most interesting element of writing characters within a restrictive pov, rather than an omniscient one. like, do i think ginny/amycus is rape? yes. 100%. do i think that ginny thinks it’s rape? that is a much more interesting question. she says it a number of times but i think to her, this is all about control. i think that because of what happened to her with tom, she’s someone who is terrified of losing control of her mind and of her own agency. so as not to lose that, she’s willing to do whatever it takes. it is a ‘you can control my body, but not my thoughts,’ sort of narrative. and, she never says it outright because i think psychologically she’s just not there yet, but tom is everywhere in these letters. and as her world just spirals out, she hangs onto the very few things that she can control: her relationship to harry, and her willingness to do what it takes for them to survive. she initiates the ‘relationship’ with amycus in an attempt to control her fate. later, as she explains to harry she feels a lot of guilt over what she did, and like a lot of sexual assault survivors, she thinks it was her responsibility. because i’m in harry’s head most of the time for this fic, i’m not sure i’ll ever really get to discuss that at length, but it’s definitely something that i wanted to show. another interesting question is: does harry think it’s rape? i think at that point in the fic, he doesn’t have the education, nor the vocabulary for that. i think instinctively (because he is someone who is very instinctive), he doesn’t blame her. if he blames anyone, it’s probably himself. he understands the necessity to do what you have to do to survive and thinks that no, no matter what she claims, that was not consented. that’s kind of what comes out in his annoyingly inarticulate letter to her at the end. beyond that, though, i think he’s a bit lost, just like she is.

on a mildly related note, there is something that i've been seeing a lot in the comments and that i feel like i should maybe address? namely: harry's reaction to ginny dating other people. i assume similar comments will be made about his reaction to ginny/alecto (meaning that he still decides to write to her, at the end of the chapter). i've seen a lot of people observe that he's much more 'chill' about it in castles than in canon. fair point but is he, though? like, he isn't happy about it in castles. and he's jealous as well. but he was never entitled in canon. he was jealous, yes, the chest monster and all that, but he never really did anything about it, and never really impeded on her right to see other people. now, this being said, i agree that in sixth year he might have thrown a tantrum, had she done what she did in castles, but that was sixth year. it was before the war. before he lost half a dozen people. before he had to adult bloody fucking quickly. this being said, i do think castles-Harry is more 'subdued,' i suppose, than canon harry. this is a choice i made early on, which to me is related to the fact that he kind of lost his 'voice' during the war. i mean, it took him six months of people talking shit behind his back to do a press interview to defend himself. i think with ginny, it's a lot of the same. he's a boy who blames himself a lot, and generally doesn't particularly think he deserves the people in his life. to me it's an evolution of his character within the the world of castles. i'm happy to agree to disagree on it, but to me it makes sense within the character evolution and the way the fic's gone, so to speak. now, obviously, he'll grow out of that in due course, but we're not quite there yet.

regarding their relationship, now, i have to say: one headcanon that i did have for this was her not outright telling everyone they’d broken up. i’m sorry, that plan was shit. i just don’t buy for a second that she would willingly have gone ahead with it, and i don’t buy for a second that tom wouldn’t have used her had he known they’d been together, ex girlfriend or not. plus, i think she needed something to hand onto, and that was her relationship with him. her letters. the belief that they would be together again. without it, i don’t think she’d have survived. and i think that summer after the war, they were totally on the same page, for different reasons. both of them kind of saw their relationship as the one thing that kept them afloat, the one good thing they had, partly also because they’d idealised it for so long. she says it as some point, it wasn’t a relationship, it was a lifeline (another sentence i came up with as a response to a comment, lol) and while that is toxic and was meant to crumble at some point, it was necessary for them, both during the war, and in the early days after it. i think her last letter to him is painstakingly correct on that one.

regarding canon, i know i’m bending a couple of things here, which i just wanted to quickly acknowledge: 1) i know jkr has said it’s teddy remus lupin. i just can’t believe, for a moment, that someone who hated himself as much as lupin did, canonically, would name his son after himself. naming his son after his best mate who died to young to become problematic though? i totally see it. so yeah, creative licence, it’s teddy james lupin in this house, lol. 2) when they meet neville in dh, he kind of hints that they’ve only just started to use the room of requirement a couple weeks ago. the text however, only says they’ve only been staying in it full time a couple of weeks ago. i needed them to have somewhere where to meet with the da and stuff, so i bent that a bit. it’s not strictly canon, but it’s also not not canon, if that makes sense.

on seamus blowing things up and talking about eight hundred years of oppression? full disclaimer, while i am french, i have been living in ireland for long enough to become eligible for citizenship in less than six months (yay!). i know some people have said that seamus is a bit of a cliche in the books/films and all (the only irish character keen on blowing things up, haha *eyeroll*), but i actually kind of love it? like, the whole thing about the cranberries and zombie at the start of the fic has been in my head for much longer than i care to admit. i love the idea that there’s this whole muggle war going on at the exact same time that no one ever talks about and actually, i find the idea of wizarding ireland v. muggle ireland and the whole political structure fascinating. like, is wizarding ireland an independent state? what’s the story there? i have a whole seamus fic in my head, partially on this topic, that i might or might not write one day.

lastly, i know this may sound a bit weird but i need to say it: once i’d figured out what and how i was writing it, i bloody loved writing this chapter. first stylistically, i really wanted to mimic the style of how i’d written the magazine article in chapter 5 (i.e. not writing out the whole thing but writing out in text the excerpts that harry focused on) and i love how that turned out. i think it was a good way to balance her words and his, kind of merging them into one, big narrative. second, as a writer, it was so fucking interesting to write someone who knows how to write, which believe it or not i’d never done before. additionally, i loved the challenge of editing this because it was like: i’ve got to edit this, but not too much? i was very careful about modifying and polishing too much of ginny’s speech in the letters because i obviously wanted it to sound like someone who was just writing as the words came to her, without polishing the words, the punctuation, etc. like i usually would. i wanted her to have quirks (she says ‘you know?’ a lot) and i played with her capitalisation and punctuation a bit too. i know these aren’t necessarily noticeable details but it was definitely something that i thought about and that was very fun and interesting to write, as a format.

wow, okay. this was LONG but i think i have everything i wanted to say. if you’ve read all of this (whyyyyy?), thanks so much for sticking around. if you’ve got any questions, anything i didn’t address, do let me know, anon or not, my ask box is open. now, i would love to say i’m going to chill or something, but the truth is that i have to a) actually do a last read through of the fic, lol and b) put it out. this is what i get for writing the a/n before finishing the damn thing, i guess. i’ll rest tomorrow, lol.

lastly, in terms of next chapter, realistically, i’d say eight to ten weeks. i have a full time job now and also, writing this was fucking exhausting and i need to take time out for a bit before coming back to it with a fresh mind. i will be writing other stuff though, i promise. i have a couple of prompts to get to (thanks!!!) and a couple of other ideas so i will probably be posting in the meantime, just not castles.

lots of love,

p.

[tirednotflirting]

okay okay okay let's do it. 4, 24, 25, 26, 35, and 39 bc you deserve to be nice to yourself. yes i read the entire list of questions. give me your answers at your leisure love you the most xoxo bella

lol thnk you my love u are Right i just forget that sometimes <3

okie dokie here we go:

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

heck yeah okay RIGHT NOW? okay.

i have been LOVING ! off the wall by @ilovegolden from the very beginning. warped tour au is a god tier au, alright? i love how the whole thing is so romanticized by everyone who was ever involved in it, especially as someone who never got to go it brings me a lot of joy. the characters in this are all so vibrant and bright and i wanna be their best friend and also just give them a hug (and probably a nap and shower lol). the detail in this is so special and carefully crafted like i feel the love in it. i read so little harry fic nowadays like keeping up with this has made me so nostalgic too. really looking forward to where this guy goes :)))

(i stg i’m not kissing ass here) i fucking love daydream jalex (aka right now could last forever (just as long as i'm with you) like quite literally babe it’s my emotional support fic i almost have a ritual of reading this probably once a week. the story telling in this is unreal like you’re sucked into their little world from the first line where they’re throwing fucking cheese at each other. there’s so much history woven into every line like it’s wild i don’t know how you do it. there’s so much love and joy between all the characters and it’s just FUN. this fic really highlights all of the best things about your writing like i could go on for days. <3

lastly, bc i was beginning to reread it the other day, i think i’m going with the one and only britpop malum (orrrr i took a walk with my fame down memory lane (i never did find my way back) by @calumcest) (god helen your url never fails to make me giggle at least a little bit). one of my favorite things about helen’s writing is how fly on the wall i immediately feel in every scene. she shows and tells it all and i can see the lights from the show and heat liam bitching about the band and football and it’s such a good time living inside of her writing for a little while. i’m always going to hold this fic close to my heart i think after spending the entire summer sitting in the doc. (side note - it still kills me that every once in a while after reading this fic i forget the gallaghers are real people ANYWAY.) excited to get caught up on this thing i miss this little world <3

(sorry idk how to provide short answers on Anything :    )

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

see this is hard for me because i know for a fact that there are LOADS of tropes i would never want to write but i’ve read a ridiculous number of them and i’m not necessarily opposed to much (something for everybody, ya know?). i guess like a True enemies to lovers is a little bit lame and hard to do well, imo (i say true bc i almost feel like something like sugar on the asphalt - fucking fantastic and a Classic from @justanchorandhope i must say - could fall into that category except not really though bc grace probably doesn’t have the word enemy in her vocabulary, bless her heart). so okay we’ll go with that bc you probably couldn’t pay me enough to write it and i’m bored of trying to read it (said w love)

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

only if i’m writing songfic tbh! otherwise it confuses my brain. so all too well is still in my on repeat and currently it’s cornelia street (lol i rlly need THAT to go somewhere sdkfsfdjkl). i do have this playlist from when i tried writing this ashton fic last spring that went literally Nowhere but ya know good tunes. (god i came up with the coolest OCs last spring, miss them)

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

oh god basically everything sldkfjsdlk i guess like i kinda just said, i cannot listen to music 95% of the time when trying to write. i wish i could but it would making 3248290x more of a headache and it also usually just gives me other ideas and then i can’t focus on the doc in front of me lol.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

like more than i could ever even begin to describe, dude. so i’m a stem girl, right? but when i was younger, my creativity was a lot more present and living inside my head and reading and writing little stories was so much fun. there was some kinda switch as i got older and i think those around me started preaching practicality a lot more and like, i was good in science and it was an easy route to a career and heeeeere we are. but it also meant i didn’t get any practice at being creative and i think at some point the jokes about not being good at or being allowed to be creative really got to me? so i just gave up the idea of the ideas i had ever really becoming anything. idk exactly what it was (something mixed into my conversations w helen last spring, probably) that got me to open up a doc one day and give it a shot but jesus christ, i’m so happy i did. writing fic is quite literally the biggest thing that brought me joy and community and some of the kindest souls (like yourself, miss bella) during a year that was set to be potentially pretty shitty. i wasn’t sure how i would be able to make friends in ‘adulthood’ but a creative outlet like this appears to be the answer. it’s also provided me a confidence in myself and my ability to create things that i never knew possible. like you said, i can be pretty mean to myself but like. i’m good at this. and that’s fucking cool. happy to be here.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

ya know that luke/lashton thing i wrote with a single line of dialogue? that. i pride myself on that. fkjsdlkf but really i think i’m pretty damn good at descriptive writing and i kinda dig how it’s become ~my thing~. i like showing rather than telling in my writing i think, it feels like a challenge. lemme talk about a sunset for dayyyyyys i swear i would. 

*

[idlecreature]

the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?” 

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?” 

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold. 

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s…

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen. 

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’) 

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!