#i’m glad this dum blog i made

[sso-bluegirl]

i just want to thank everyone who interacts with my posts, this community has been pretty therapeutic for me and it really makes my day. thanks so much

[mostly-marvel-musings]

1500 followers??? Omg thats so AMAZING!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your blog is growing so fast! if u dont mind what abt a fluffy one with Tony and “Don’t give me that puppy dog face.  How am I supposed to say no to that?”. Because while i def another stark sub, i also crave le fluff

Distractions

Pairing: Tony x Reader

Warnings: semi-smut, floofies.

.

Knee-deep in school submissions and assignments, you frantically searched for your phone & cursed when you realised it wasn’t in the study.

“Tony? Could you get me my phone? Now!”

You yelled, not knowing where he’d been, you hadn’t seen him in hours. At this point, you weren’t even sure what time of day it was.

Tiny metal screeching reached your ears before Dum-E whizzed in, holding your phone in his ‘hand’ and dropping it right before he hit your chair. Luckily, your reflexes worked fast enough to catch it.

The time read 3:00AM as your phone lit up, making you curse again. Dum-E clapped his robotic hands together and tilted to the right, as if waiting for a thank you. Patting him on the head and blowing him a kiss made the robot whir happily before zooming out.

Not even five minutes after, there was a ding indicating a text from Tony. The message instantly making you smile.

Are you even alive? That’s rich coming from me, I know. Feeling like stretching those sexy legs? Stop by the lab if you’d like a deep tissue massage or something from your favourite genius. ;)

A break was necessary at this point and what better distraction that Tony? It wasn’t everyday that his expert masseur skills were offered.

.

“Argh! That feels so good Tony.” You moaned as he worked out the knots and kinks in your back. Feeling him tense up behind you for a moment before resuming.

“I mean I’m glad you’re feeling better honey but I’m a little turned on.”

Your eyes went wide as you straightened up, knowing very well where this would lead to. As expected, he grabbed you by your waist as you went to make your exit.

“Please? I’ll do that thing you love....” Tony bore his twinkling brown eyes into yours, his bottom lip sticking out as you shook your head.

“Don’t make that puppy dog face. How am I supposed to say no to that?”

You made feeble attempts of pushing him away, even though your heart wasn’t in it. He dipped his head and began nibbling at the skin behind your ear, turning your insides to mush.

There was no way you were going back upstairs any time soon.

Ariiii my love! I miss you and thank you so much. Hope you’re well ❤️

1500 Follower Milestone

[zeph-can-do-it]

My Favorite Latin Phrases (Pt.2)

Hi there amazing people! 

How are all of you? How is the quarantine affecting you? Did you do something new? It’s ok if you didn’t, because neither did I (high five!)

Remember when I made a post about my favorite Latin phrases, and couldn’t stop drooling over them??? Yes, and you all loved it too.

So here I am with a new loveable list. I learnt some new Latin phrases and couldn’t help share it with you guys.

Here we go:

adsum

I am here  (cause’ why not?)

quis leget haec?

who will read this?  (you of course.)

alterius non sit qui suus esse potest

let no man be another’s who can be his own.  (IMPRINT THIS ON YOUR MINDS!!!)

amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus

love is rich with both honey and venom  (I can see a cursed lover saying it with a sigh, while hunched on his stack of poetry.)

bibere veneum in auro

to drink poison from a golden cup  (I think this one is similar to ‘not everything that glitters is gold.’, you know how someone beautiful can be crappy too?)

audi, vide, sile

listen, look, and be silent  (my absolute favorite!)

vita brevis est, licet supra mille annos exeat 

life is short, even if it go on longer than a thousand years.   (found this on some blog, called Bestiaria Latina Blog. But we all can relate to it, right?)

lux brumalis

the light of winter  (this is hitting me in the guts. Because I can never be ungrateful for the sunlight in winter. It’s one of the most soothing things of this cold weather.)

ducunt volentum fata, nolentum trahunt

the fates lead the willing and drag the unwilling  (this hits hard.)

ad honorem

for the honor   (I’m gonna create a fictional military world similar to Attack on Titan, and would make this as some kind of symbol for their national flag. Don’t laugh. I’m absolutely serious.)

si vis amari ama

if you want to be loved, love.  (simple as that.)

est quaedam flere voluptas

there is a certain pleasure in weeping  (where are my dark academia buddies at?)

causa latet, vis est notissima

the cause is hidden, but the result is well known  (they don’t see your hard work, they only see the result. I wonder if any other language have some version of this phrase.)

fiat lux

let there be light  (stop hating each other. Let there be light in your hearts.)

odi et amo

I hate and I love  (another cursed lover.)

qui totum vult totum perdit

he who wants everything loses everything  (a harsh thing written in such beautiful words.)

caveat emptor

let the buyer beware

pro bono 

done without charge

terra incognita

unknown land  (heard this one a long time ago but never knew it was Latin.)

abyssus abyssum invocat

deep calls unto deep   (same as how this Latin is calling my inner writer who might be Sylvia Plath reincarnated.) 

veni, vidi, vici

I came, I saw, I conquered   (WHOM DID THEY ATTRIBUTE IT TO???!!! I want to know the history of all these three-word proverbs, they are killing me.)

ergo dum me diligis

so long as you love me   (, I wouldn’t love anyone else. But as soon as you show me your back, you are on the top of my to-be-killed-soon list. Let’s just hope this is the complete proverb.)

dulce periculum

danger is sweet   (dude, what kind of Ocean’s 11 thing is this?)

natura non constristatur

nature is not saddened   (it is, honey, it is.)

tempus fugit

time flies

And finally, to give you a bit of motivation,

carpe diem

seize the day 

I’ll be super glad if you add more to the list. Not only Latin but any other language is welcome. 

Let’s share and spread love of languages!!! 

[ragingbookdragon]

hi, it’s dum anon! i just wanted to say thank you for the writing advice. it was really helpful and i just made a blog for writing. also, i swear i wasn’t calling myself dumb in a bad way. i’m the kind of dumb that drinks liquids from high school labs kind of dumb. thank you so much for the advice!!!

You dum dum

Glad you’re finding the advice handy!

-Thorne

[immortalled]

Some mutuals whose tags crack you up? Besides me, obvi. I need more laughter in my life.

Ooooh, I dunno many people in this fandom, I’m afraid. But if you like Detroit: Become Human, Ingrid over on @wasscared​ has really fantastic tags. They don’t always crack me up, but the deep insight into character and sometimes how Connor interjects through her tags makes me smile. 

I also have to recommend @ex0skeletal-undead​ which isn’t an RP blog but I love their skeleton content. Sometimes they have posts that make me giggle and overall just seem to have a really good sense of humerus (ba dum tss).  Ummumumum... @pxppinmolly​ also makes me smile with their Italian jokes. I know that sounds weird, but they’re just genuinely very lovely and have a good sense of humor as well. 

I could list a number of other blogs, but that might take a while. I don’t really follow that many personals either so I don’t know of many comedy blogs I’m afraid. I’m really glad you enjoy my tags, though. I love knowing I’ve made people laugh.

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (17) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex) - Ortega

a/n: hey angels! thank u for ur patience, here is yet another chapter of the hellscape that is n19f. as i said on my blog, u will either love this chapter or hate it. either way let me know what u think!! this is a big chunky one at 13k (ik i’m treating u during this quarantine) so grab ur snacks and settle in. lots of love, byeee!

trigger warning: a little light drinking xo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: Scarlet celebrated her birthday by helping Nina win back Monet, a surprise party organised by her girlfriend, and a suspiciously civil Brooke and Vanjie.

this chapter: from one birthday to another, the gang heads out to the country to celebrate Brooke and Akeria’s 22nd. everyone seems back on good terms, but will the combination of hide and seek, truth or dare, a hot tub and of course a lil bit of alcohol change anything?

***

“Holiday!...da-da-da-dum-dum-daaa, Celebrate!”

Brooke rolled her eyes, unable to help herself laughing as Nina rolled her suitcase towards Monet’s car. “It’s hardly a holiday, is it, girl? Overnighter in an airbnb in the middle of buttfuck nowhere?”

“Listen, I’ll take what I can get, thank you very much,” Nina raised her eyebrows, as Monet lifted the door of the boot up and Nina heaved her case inside.

“Oh, what a compliment,” Monet quipped from beside her, Brooke making a sick noise as Nina slid her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and gave her a squeeze.

“Not with girlfriends, obviously. You’re a Tesco Finest girlfriend. Not a smartprice girlfriend,” Nina explained, Monet smiling proudly and nuzzling their noses together. Brooke already wanted to vomit and she wasn’t even car sick yet.

“Pack it in, bitches, or Monet’s uninvited,” she deadpanned, pushing herself off the wall she was currently leaning against and looking up at her bedroom window, ignoring the girls’ shouts of indignation. “Right, have you got everything, yeah?”

“Have you seen the size of this bitch’s suitcase? I think she has literally managed to pack your kitchen sink,” Monet cocked an eyebrow at Nina, who elbowed her in the ribs. Nina produced her phone from the pocket of her dungaree dress.

“Hey Google, can you divorce your girlfriend?” she asked into the speaker, Monet howling a laugh and shoving her.

“Seriously, guys, I haven’t packed enough anti-sickness tablets for this,” Brooke said dryly, making her way to the passenger door.

“Oh, are you planning on recreating the great rail replacement bus fiasco of ‘18?” came a voice, Brooke turning round and narrowing her eyes at her smug flatmate, emerging through the door with her girlfriend and a small holdall bag.

“I was sat hungover opposite the toilet on a three hour coach journey, what the hell else was I expected to do?” Brooke defended herself. Yvie sat down on the wall outside their building, Scarlet joining her.

“Hmm, all I’ll say, Monet, is that I hope you have at least three empty plastic bags in the back seat with her,” she advised smugly, Brooke wishing she was still leaning against the wall so she could shove her off it.

“When is Plastique coming for you guys? Can I arrange for you to be sitting in the middle of the road when she drives up it?”

“Hey, what the fuck did I say?!” Scarlet yelped, outraged.

“You’re a bystander, Scarlet, and a bystander is worse than a bully,” Nina remarked sagely, Monet nodding along in support.

“Besides, I’m allowed to bully Brooke. It’s part of the lease,” Yvie shrugged, fixing the huge round sunglasses that had been on the top of her head and positioning them so they were right at the bridge of her nose. The March sunshine was welcome; it made Brooke feel happy, optimistic of things to come. Even the small scrub of grass out the front of their stairwell had bright purple, yellow and white bulbs poking through it, bringing a defiant sense of beauty to their surroundings. Brooke had been so pleased with the weather when she’d opened her curtains that morning that she’d packed a bunch of clothes she usually reserved for the summer. It felt odd wearing her denim skirt without the black tights she’d clad herself in for the past three months, but it was a welcome feeling. Yvie hadn’t really seemed to get the Summery memo other than her sunglasses- a huge knitted jumper covered in holes hung off her skinny frame and a pair of thick exercise leggings kept her legs warm.

“You couldn’t spruce yourself up a bit for my birthday, bitch? I feel like any minute now you’re going to start dancing around the street moulting straw singing about how you desperately want a brain,” Brooke smirked, Yvie simpering a fake smile and giving her the finger in response.

“It’s only fifteen degrees, Brooke, it’s hardly time to crack out the Kopparberg and blast T Shirt Weather yet,” Scarlet laughed. It was a bit hypocritical, Brooke thought as she looked Scarlet’s outfit up and down- a floaty, lacey dress and a pair of white Adidas- but of course she would defend her girlfriend. It wasn’t actually fair, contemplated Brooke. Scarlet and Yvie would always team up, so would Monet and Nina. Brooke had to fight all her battles herself.

“Besides, your birthday is over! Move on, hoe,” Yvie smiled, running forward and shaking Brooke’s shoulders relentlessly as the other girls laughed uproariously in the background.  Brooke laughed and batted her away, knowing she was just joking. As she shoved her friend off of her, a familiar grey Audi drove up their street and pulled in behind Monet’s car. Plastique gave her horn a little beep, waving and rolling down her window.

“Let’s ride, bitches! I’m so ready for this weekend,” she squealed, as Yvie and Scarlet rushed to shove their bags in the boot of her car.

“I think I’ve been ready since we booked it,” Nina sighed, stretching. “Right, let’s go, girls! Dun-duun-da-na-na-dun dun.”

As Nina continued singing Shania Twain and hopped in the passenger seat of Monet’s car, Brooke passed by Plastique’s window and gave her hand a squeeze. “You know how to get there, yeah?”

“Up the motorway then off at junction 4 and then just follow all the signs for the B road. We good,” she nodded, then gave a laugh. “Kiki’ll probably end up in France somehow, you know what her sense of direction is like.”

“Yeah, but she’s got Silky and Vanj to direct her. She’ll be fine,” Brooke shrugged, thumping on Plastique’s door and making for the other car. “Right, see you ladies at the airbnb!”

Monet blasted her horn once, twice, three times as Brooke dashed into the back seat and buckled up. As Nina connected her phone to the aux cord and started blasting typically Nina-ish cheesy music, Brooke felt an excited little smile creep up on her face, slapping her hands against her thighs to the beat. The past almost-a-month had gone by quickly, and Brooke and Akeria’s shared birthday trip away had arrived before Brooke had known it. It had been booked on a whim, an excited message from Akeria on the group chat about a potential birthday night out had grown arms and legs until suddenly the girls were all transferring her money for a night in the country to jointly celebrate her and Brooke’s birthdays. They had turned 22 within ten days of each other, and the girls had all decided that the amount of money they would have spent on two big nights out- Ubers, big bottles of vodka for pres, club entry, club drinks and cheesy chips at the end of the night- probably equated to the same, if not more, than the amount they would drop on a boujie house in the country. The house they had booked was huge- five big bedrooms with floor to ceiling windows, a lounge straight out of a murder mystery drama with plush sofas, towering bookshelves and a massive roaring fire, a kitchen with a table big enough to fit them all round and an aga with what seemed to be a thousand burners- though whether anyone would know how to work the damn thing was anyone’s guess, Brooke thought with a snort. The icing on the cake of the whole place, though, was a huge section of outdoor decking with a hot tub set in the middle of it. To most of the girls it would be like living somebody else’s life for the weekend, but, Brooke thought mischievously, to Plastique it would probably seem the same as a weekend at home.

Brooke was glad they could all do something like this, go away together after what had happened. She didn’t really know what had happened to Vanessa to make her warm up to her so unexpectedly. It had all started when they were preparing for Scarlet’s birthday surprise; Brooke remembered how hard her heart had been beating that morning as she’d known it was the first time she’d be properly seeing Vanessa since they broke up, having to wipe her sweaty palms on her jeans as the door to the kitchen had opened and Vanessa, Akeria and Silky had walked in. Akeria and Silky, to their credit, had been fine and normal with Brooke, despite the amount of dragging through the mud they had probably done to her name when they’d heard the news of her and Vanessa’s breakup. Vanessa, (understandably, thought Brooke) had hugged Yvie, Plastique and Nina, but not Brooke, the obviousness of the action lost in the frenetic melee of the girls seeing each other all at once. Brooke had preferred that, though. She wouldn’t have wanted the awkwardness of reminding herself how perfectly her arms seemed to fit around Vanessa, the brief scent of the Aussie shampoo she used in her hair, her head against her chest even for just the tiniest second.

After that, Vanessa had started with the digs. Brooke had thought she’d had malicious intent at first, until she got bored and decided to fire back.

(Yvie’s voice had yelled from the hallway. “Who’s made the cupcakes yet? Anyone?”

“Well if it’s Brooke, we all dyin’ tonight.”

“At least I can make something! How much do you drop on Deliveroo in a month, like, half your student loan?”)

With each verbal sparring match, Brooke had watched as the small, sardonic snorts Vanessa had given evolved into a full-blown beaming smile, the kind she always used to shoot Brooke’s way with the perfect white teeth and the tiny dimple and the little blush that hit her cheeks. It was almost painful knowing that Brooke had given up that smile. And that had been the moment. The moment that Brooke had finally admitted to herself what she’d been wanting to deny all this time- she deeply wished she hadn’t ended things with Vanessa, that she’d fought through the ick and given it at least more of a shot than she had. Now Vanessa had moved on and she was seeing someone else and she was happy. Happy without Brooke. Why had Brooke broken up with her so quickly?

She was an idiot.

“She was an idiot.”

Brooke snapped out of her trance, blinking and trying to figure out how Monet had managed to get inside her head. “What?”

“That woman. Blue car. Completely cut me off,” Monet rolled her eyes, frowning as she inched forward in the traffic until she was almost bumper to bumper with the car in question.

“Oh M'net, don’t start a fight,” Nina sighed, resting her knees against the glovebox.

“I’m not! I’m just letting a bitch know that her misconduct was noted,” Monet growled.

“Her misconduct was noted? God, you’re such a teacher,” Nina laughed, a big chuckle with loads of heart that made Brooke smile.

“Hey, so are you!”

“Stop fucking bickering or I will take your vocal cords and strangle you with them!” Brooke cried, tiring quickly. She watched Monet smirk in the rear view mirror.

“It’s alright, Neens. Just because Brooke’s jealous of happy couples and regrets breaking it off with Vanjie-”

“Wait what? I don’t…oh, Nina, for fuck’s sake! I told you not to tell anyone!” Brooke snapped, training accusatory eyes on her friend. After Scarlet’s birthday, she’d told Nina what she’d told Yvie, just in a little more detail, and she’d been more sympathetic than her other flatmate, making her tea and nodding understandingly as Brooke vented at her. Nina was usually good with secrets, a reliable and trustworthy friend. Brooke couldn’t understand why she would-

“Ahahaha!!! BITCH! You just totally exposed yourself! Oh my God!!” Monet screeched in time with her tyres, thumping her hand against the steering wheel. Brooke was confused, her heart still thudding. “Nina ain’t told me shit but I got eyes and ears, an’ I saw you two flirting at Scarlet’s. All damn day and night. You don’t act like that with someone you just broke up with.”  

“Yeah I’m afraid you just spilled your own secret, Brooke,” Nina deadpanned from the passenger seat, giving a little laugh.

“Shit,” Brooke sighed, putting her head in her hands. “Great. Well, you probably think I’m a total asshole, Monet.”

“Hey, I’m a very chill person! You do you, girl. You wanna get with Vanessa for 3 months, break up with her for one and then get back with her again, that’s no business of mine,” Monet shrugged, a twinkle in her eye.

“Yeah, I know I made a mistake, thanks,” Brooke sighed, biting her lip as she let her thoughts wash over her. Monet had a unique angle on the whole situation. She lived with Monique, of course, and that whole thing was still going on between her and Vanessa, if a message Vanessa had accidentally sent to the group chat last week was anything to go by. Brooke had wondered for days on end whether it had actually been an accident or not, the content of the message sending her crazy with jealousy as it was essentially just Vanessa begging Monique to come round and fuck her into the mattress. She’d considered whether or not it could have been deliberate, but the absolute roasting Vanessa had received afterwards from the other girls couldn’t have been worth it if it had. Brooke considered asking Monet for some inside knowledge, decided against it, and then did a U-turn as she concluded that her pride and dignity were already bruised so she might as well go the whole hog and shatter them.

“So, uh…Vanessa’s still seeing Monique.”

Monet ran her tongue over her teeth. “She’s certainly round at the flat a lot.”

“So is that, uh…I mean, do you think that’s going to turn into anything more, or…?”

“I don’t know, girl, I don’t know if it’s my place to say.”

This is like pulling teeth. “Do you think they-”

“They’re having a lot of sex.”

“Monet!” Nina burst out in a shocked laugh.

“What?! They are!”

“Excellent!” Brooke exclaimed sarcastically, staring out the window as the city around them turned into fields and the houses turned into service stations.

“C’mon, Brooke, you have to admit you do kinda deserve this a lil’ bit,” Monet laughed, Brooke rolling her eyes from the back seat.

“Right, both of you shut up. I’m officially banning any conversations about pining or relationships until we get to the house. We sing, we eat snacks, occasionally we play I Spy. That’s it,” Nina scolded them, turning around in her seat and staring Brooke down. Brooke had never felt more like a disgraced teenager in her life.

“Ughhhh, fine, Mom,” Monet groaned, changing up into fifth as they hit the motorway, the weekend becoming more real and making Brooke tingle with excitement despite the news she hadn’t wanted to hear.

Just as Nina had ordered them, the three girls spent the rest of the journey singing at the top of their lungs to Vengaboys, B*Witched and Cascada, Brooke on crisp duty as she passed the cavernous bag of barbecue rib McCoys forward every five minutes or so, Monet making hurried grabs at crinkle cut crisps in between changing gears. Brooke managed to avoid the dreaded travel-sickness that had plagued her since she was about six years old, much to Monet and Nina’s delight. The sun didn’t let up, and it still hung proudly in the sky as the girls pulled up the leafy, tree-lined driveway to the house they’d booked, the branches hanging low and curling around each other signalling they hadn’t been cut in a while. Spying Akeria’s Corsa and Plastique’s Audi already parked, Monet pulled up alongside the huge white house, the little set of three stone chimneys on the roof puffing out smoke and letting the girls know that at least one room wouldn’t be too cold inside. As Monet neatened up her parking, the sound of Silky’s screeching cut through the crunching of wheels against gravel, and the rest of the girls spilled out of the front door shortly afterwards. As soon as the car had stopped, Brooke excitedly hopped out of the passenger seat, hugging any girl she could reach. Before she knew it, she’d found herself pulling out of a quick hug with Vanessa, and the two were in front of each other.

“Hey,” Brooke decided quickly to speak first, setting the tone so there wouldn’t be any awkward pauses.

“Hey! How was your ride? Get here okay?” Vanessa asked politely, tucking a strand of her caramel hair behind one ear. She was dressed in a tiny little cropped black jumper and some faded grey jeans, Brooke trying to ignore her mind reminding her of how right it felt to wrap her arms around Vanessa again, how tiny her waist was and how much she wished she could go back for another hug- for fuck’s sake, cut that shit out.

“Uh, yeah! It was fine. Traffic wasn’t too bad. How about you?”

Vanessa let out a laugh. “Shit was like Wacky Races. Akeria nearly rammed some old cunt off the road. I’ve never seen road rage like it, we genuinely feared for our lives. Or her license. Oh my God, this house is insane. C’mon, you need to see it!”

There was a split-second where Brooke felt Vanessa tug at her hand, which was quickly dropped as if the action had never happened. It was almost as if Vanessa had been on automatic pilot; the ease with which she used to slip her hand into Brooke’s hadn’t been forgotten by either of them. And then Brooke felt Plastique leap onto her back like a monkey, and the girl was excitedly chattering away to her, and the moment had passed.

Brooke barely had time to take in the huge cream-painted hall with the varnished cream stairs stretching practically up to the ceiling when Plastique steered her down two steps and into the kitchen, grey stone tiles making Brooke’s feet feel cold even through her trainers and the huge wooden table overflowing with assorted snacks. Akeria and Scarlet clung to the rail of the AGA, the two girls clearly feeling the cold in the chilly kitchen.

“Did any of us actually bring a meal between us or are we just going to live off of Twirl Bites and Classic Dip Selections?” Yvie wondered, picking up a four-pack of various dips. Brooke laughed.

“Hey, there’s pizzas in the fridge! Do y’all really think I would let you starve?” Silky piped up, opening the huge fridge to reveal at least ten pizzas, more than they would eat in one night.

“Nobody goes hungry in the presence of Silky Nutmeg Ganache,” Plastique smiled proudly, holding her fist out for Silky to punch. As the girls’ fists connected, Brooke watched as Vanessa scraped a wooden chair out against the stone floor.

“You girls wanna have a munch and then get wrecked?”

“Hmm, if we get drunk too early then there’s no way we’ll be able to work this oven,” Scarlet shrugged, biting her lip and frowning.

“Yeah, we’re gonna struggle to operate this sober,” Monet considered, opening up one of the oven doors and investigating.

“Well how about we snack and then play a game? I wanna play hide and seek in here,” Nina bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly. Akeria snorted.

“Hide and seek, you’re such a child. But to be fair, that could be fun. Or sardines.”

“What’s that?” asked Brooke. “I don’t know if we had that but called it something else.”

“That one where one person hides and everyone else seeks,” Yvie explained. “It’s way better. Way more chaotic.”

“Sweet. I’m down,” Brooke shrugged. She was glad that all of the girls she was friends with were happy to dick about and play kids’ games for an afternoon, and it was the kind of thing she’d miss when she graduated and would have to find a job.

The girls were all feeling peckish after their long drive, though, so they all grabbed the nearest snacks they could and headed upstairs to the living room, where Akeria had managed to start the fire which was crackling warmly in the huge marble fireplace. They all dumped their food on the huge glass-topped coffee table and had a little explore around the house before they relaxed. There was a surplus of bedrooms, and it had been agreed that since they were celebrating Brooke and Akeria’s birthdays, the two girls should have a bedroom to themselves each. Brooke’s bedroom had a huge bay window out to the rear of the house where the fields stretched for miles, and an actual four-poster bed.

“I can’t help but feel like you guys should take this room and I should take yours,” Brooke said with a pang of guilt for Yvie and Scarlet, who had dumped their things in the room they were sharing and had come to investigate Brooke’s.

Scarlet made a noise of discouragement. “No, it’s fine! This’ll get cold anyway, it’s so big. Our room’s cosier.”

Brooke watched Scarlet share a smile with her girlfriend and wrap both of her arms around Yvie’s. “Yeah, honestly, Brooke, it’s fine. Scarlet would manage to bump her head and toe and Christ knows what else on all four of the posts anyway.”

Scarlet burst out into offended laughter, letting the girls know that she secretly agreed a little bit.

“How’re the others?” Brooke asked, peering down the little corridor with the exposed wooden beams and hearing chatter and Monet’s deep laughter coming from the other rooms.

“Plastique, Silk and Vanj are all in together. I think V drew the short straw so she’s on the sofa bed,” Scarlet gave a shrug.

“That’s unfortunate,” Yvie commented, raising her eyebrows at Brooke slightly.

“Behave,” Brooke smacked her, not appreciating the implication. Vanessa had only just become friends with her again. They were hardly going to spend the entire night going at it like rabbits just because Vanessa wasn’t looking at her like she wanted to kill her anymore. “Come on, lovebirds. I feel like I haven’t shovelled enough crisps down my throat today.”

The three girls made their way to the living room again, where Nina and Monet were draped over the sofa and snacking on some sort of jelly sweets. Gradually the other girls joined them in drips and drabs and they spent the time chatting and gossiping in their usual way- about anything and everything under the sun. Brooke kept finding her eyes being drawn to Vanessa. It wasn’t entirely her fault- she was sitting opposite her, and often Brooke would find her already looking her way. Although that could have just been Brooke’s imagination. God, she didn’t even know anymore.  

“Right!” Nina cried, as everyone looked dangerously close to slipping into a snack-induced coma. “Sardines time!”

“Kiki should hide first, it’s her birthday!” Silky argued immediately, Brooke only the tiniest bit affronted.

“Hey, hey, it’s Brooke’s birthday too. Also, I feel like y’all are way more enthusiastic than me about this, so I really don’t mind.”

“Brooke hides first!” Nina shouted unnecessarily. Brooke stood up from the sofa and rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so everyone is after me? Christ. This is like that nightmare I had about being on Hunted.”

“Good luck tryna squeeze that Jolly Green Giant-ass body into any of these cupboards, bitch!” Vanessa yelled across the room to uproarious laughter, Brooke turning round in time to see Vanessa stick her tongue out at her.

“Oh, like you can talk! Are you not the same size as an actual Subway sandwich?” Brooke bit back, sticking her tongue out right back and feeling an excited fizz in her stomach as she caught Vanessa blushing slightly as she laughed. As the other girls joined in with the mocking and all piled on each other, Brooke spotted two girls who weren’t laughing- Akeria and Silky were looking at each other knowingly, a look that seemed to convey disapproval. What the hell was their problem? If Vanessa was fine with her, then that meant there was no reason for the two of them to hold a grudge either, right?

Brooke frowned, trying not to read too much into it. She turned around and headed out the door. “Okay, count to 100 then, bitches!”

As she heard the others all start chanting descending numbers like a terrifying cult of mathematicians, Brooke began dashing around the house for a place to hide. She ran past the bedrooms, assuming that the others would check there straight away. Brooke considered going behind the porch door, but then thought that might end up being too obvious. She found herself in the kitchen, and to her delight she noticed a huge wooden door set into the wall that had to be a cupboard. Opening it, she saw what looked to be a pantry- shelves and shelves with only a couple of tins left by other guests at the house. It was good, but Brooke didn’t think it was a particularly great place to hide until she spotted another door at the very end of the pantry- slightly smaller with a little circular handle. As Brooke turned it, she was confronted with a tiny dark room, with only the blinking lights of the boiler that sat inside to illuminate it.

Perfect.

As Brooke hopped in, she could hear the blood roaring in her ears and her heart thumping. She wanted to giggle. This was exactly how it had felt to play hide and seek when she was little, and she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old still feeling the same way. Hell, she couldn’t believe she was a grown-ass twenty-two year old playing hide and seek. Gradually, she began to hear the sound of footsteps thundering above her, the old ceiling creaking and letting Brooke know the girls were on their way. Then, it all went silent for a while. Brooke breathed out heavily. Just then, she heard the door to the pantry open and one set of footsteps shuffle through it. They dashed to the end of the room and then seemed to be satisfied that there was nothing more to investigate- until Brooke heard them do what seemed to be a double-take. Keeping her breathing silent, Brooke stood frozen to the spot as she saw the door gradually open with a long, murder-mystery style creaaak…

Shit.

Vanessa stood at the doorframe to the cupboard, a shit-eating grin on her face. “I’ve been tellin’ Yvie I’m the best at hide and seek, but she ain’t believe me. What’d that take me, two minutes?”

“Yeah, good job, Poirot,” Brooke smirked, although it was hiding a multitude of nerves. Her and Vanessa, stuck in a tight, dark space together until the other girls found them. This was fine. This would be fine. “Right come on then, girl, you need to get in.”

“Fuck no, I ain’t goin’ in there! That’s a straight-up spiders’ nest, fuck that.”

“Just get in!” Brooke grabbed her gently but firmly by the wrist and dragged her inside, closing the door behind them. It was entirely dark except for the small strip of light where the door met the doorframe, which illuminated Vanessa’s hair and collarbones. There was a small beat of silence in which Brooke’s eyes adjusted to the darkness again, and when her vision had settled she could see Vanessa smiling at her cheekily. “What?”

“There’s a spider in your hair.”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “No there’s not.”

“There is! A big one. It’s some Harry Potter type shit, I swear.”

“Shut up, Vanessa, I’m not falling for that shit,” Brooke snorted a laugh, squashing the unease that began to creep up on her.

“It’s got, like, a billion eyes.”

“Has it.”

“An’ forty legs,” Vanessa bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck kind of biology classes did you go to? A spider with forty leg- JESUS!” Brooke all at once cut herself off, feeling a movement at her shoulder, her hair flicking against her neck slightly. She gave herself such a jolt that it felt like whiplash, and she watched as Vanessa laughed at her brushing wildly against her shoulder. Brooke was confused when her hand connected with another hand. Vanessa’s hand. How the hell she’d managed to reach up there without Brooke’s notice was anyone’s guess, but she’d certainly done what she’d set out to do. Brooke launched herself forward and squeezed a hand at Vanessa’s waist, laughing as the other girl screeched in response. The two girls descended into giggles, Brooke having to fend off Vanessa’s playful swipes as she berated her.

“Shut up, bitch! You’re going to get us caught!” Brooke laughed, grabbing one of Vanessa’s wrists in each hand. Suddenly, both girls paused, the compromising position they were in dawning on both of them. The memory of when she used to pin Vanessa to the bed with both her wrists and kiss her neck shot through Brooke’s mind like a hot iron, unwanted and welcome all at once. In the darkness, she could see Vanessa’s single raised eyebrow.

“You telling me you don’t wanna get caught?” she murmured, her voice low and making the atmosphere charged and thick with something that hadn’t been there before. Brooke squeezed her thighs together. This couldn’t turn into something else. She couldn’t let it.

“Well, that is the whole point of the game,” Brooke said, trying to inject as much level-headedness into her tone as she was able. To her dismay she watched as Vanessa’s eyes took on a dark twinkle.

“Oh, right, uh-huh. The game. Sure,” she smirked, Brooke only able to laugh in response because that way she wasn’t saying anything. This situation was fucked. It was so weird. Vanessa was flirting with her, unprompted. So what did this mean? That she still liked Brooke? That she wanted to be friends and was just playing? What did this mean for her and Monique? They couldn’t be that serious, then, if Vanessa was doing all this? Or maybe they’d fallen out and Vanessa wanted her to be jealous? But what was the point of making somebody jealous who wasn’t here? What if her and Monique were together and Vanessa was cheating? What if-

“AYYYYYY FUCKIN’ HOES! Yes! I’m shit-hot at this game, Jesus!” Silky threw the door open, screeching her head off and sending every thought that Brooke was overthinking into the stratosphere.

“Stop yellin’ bitch, and get in!” Vanessa laughed. As Silky squeezed into the ever-decreasing-in-space cupboard, Brooke felt her throat almost close up as Vanessa shuffled up against her to make more room, tilting her head up, locking eyes with Brooke and sending her a look that she couldn’t decipher before looking away and whispering to Silky.

They were eventually found by the other girls- namely because there was no space at all once Scarlet arrived so Plastique found half of the girls with one toe in the cupboard and the rest of their bodies outside of it. The game carried on, but Brooke’s head wasn’t properly in it. She would deliberately put in the bare minimum effort when she was looking for the girls because, really, she wouldn’t know what to do if she was stuck in another confined space with Vanessa. Why had it turned so weird before? All flirty and edged with something she couldn’t work out. It wasn’t right- Vanessa was meant to be mad at her, meant to hate her and never want to speak to her again and somehow they’d gone from civil, to nearly-friends, to eye-fucking each other in a boiler cupboard in the space of a month?

The encounter was still playing on Brooke’s mind as she got ready for dinner. The girls had all decided that they would “do a Love Island” (in the words of Akeria) and all get glammed up to sit in the living room and play games after they’d eaten. It felt funny to be putting on a dress, heels and fake lashes without the possibility of going out anywhere, but the methodical process of putting on her makeup was a welcome distraction from the swirling thoughts in Brooke’s head.

“Ayo,” came an unexpected voice, causing Brooke to flinch a little and drop the lipgloss she’d been applying moments before. Looking behind her in the mirror she saw it was just Yvie and Nina. Usually she’d have been happy to see them, but right now she was doing too much overthinking and couldn’t let on what had happened earlier between her and Vanessa. So Brooke just stuck on her best fake smile as she turned around to face them.

“Hey! You guys look so good,” she complimented them, Nina smiling and Yvie giving a little snort.

“Well I didn’t want to be accused of not making an effort for your birthday again,” she poked her tongue out at Brooke and tugged a little at the beads on the hem of her short gold dress.

“If you trip in those heels I hope you know that’s, like, instant paralysis,” Brooke commented, looking at the spikes of Yvie’s six inch stilettos. When the girl did glam, she did glam, Brooke had to give it to her.

“As if Yvie needs to be any taller than she already is,” Nina laughed playfully.

“Awh, she needs to be tall so she can look down on her smol bean uwu girlfriend,” Brooke teased, Nina continuing to giggle and Yvie giving an amused roll of her eyes.

“What’s up with you anyway, bitch? You’ve been, like, extra bitter around all the couples today. It’s supposed to be your birthday, cheer the fuck up,” Yvie gave her a little nudge with her foot. Brooke frowned. She didn’t think she had been being bitter, but maybe Yvie was right. Fuck, what had she even said today? Brooke hoped that Vanessa hadn’t noticed anything.

“No, that’s not true. I’m fine! Just…” Brooke sighed, the bingo-hall-style tombola spinning rapidly in her head to generate an excuse. “…exams are soon, you know, and I’ve not started revising yet-”

“Oh my God, bitch, they’re in May! This is March! Chill the hell out,” Yvie laughed, pulling Brooke up from her position on the floor by the long mirror in the corner of her room. “Let’s go eat pizza. If Monet and Plastique have worked out how to cook them in that 1920s horror oven.”

As Yvie excitedly strutted out of the room and Brooke made to join her, Nina reached out to squeeze her hand.

“You’re a crap liar, Brooke Lynn Hytes,” she hissed quietly, Brooke rolling her eyes and making to protest when Nina spoke again. “But I won’t push it. I just wish you’d open the fuck up more.”

Brooke felt guilty. “I just don’t…it’s something I don’t want to overthink, Nina. So the best way you can help is helping me stuff myself full of carbs then pouring a 24 pack of San Miguel down my throat.”

Nina nodded understandingly as they reached the top of the stairs, Brooke holding back a snort as she watched Yvie cling to the bannister for dear life as she descended. Nina gave her hand another squeeze, then dropped it. “I can do that. You look beautiful, by the way.”

Brooke shyly looked down at her short, black one-shoulder dress and smoothed it down. “Thanks, babe.”

Nina’s smile suddenly turned scheming. “And so does Vanessa.”

Before Brooke could protest, Nina was bounding down the stairs in her bright white Filas that she’d paired with her blue and white checked dress. It wasn’t as formal as Brooke’s or Yvie’s, but that was the beauty of having a glam night in a big house where it was just them- nobody could judge you for being over or underdressed.

As Brooke followed her flatmates into the kitchen, she was met with the sight of her friends all happy, chatting, and in their best outfits. Annoyed at herself, she found her eyes darting around to find Vanessa. She wanted to know why Nina had said what she’d said, wanted to know if she was just winding her up.

And then her eyes came to rest on the most gorgeous version of Vanessa she’d ever seen, and her anxiety dipped, did a loop, then spiked. They were both in black- some dumb coincidence that the earth had sent her way, no doubt- but Vanessa’s was shiny, a vinyl dress that clung to her as if it was made of latex and painfully highlighted every curve of her body. She’d paired it with red heels, which had straps that snaked their way up her calves and showcased her perfect skin. Her dark hair had been blow-dried out (probably by Akeria, Brooke guessed) and fell in perfect waves down her back and over her shoulders (had she fucking highlighted her collarbones?). Her makeup was, as usual, perfect, a dark shock of eyeshadow and an indecent red on her lips causing Brooke’s heart to race. The worst part, though, about the whole outfit, was the silver zip that ran from the top of the dress to the bottom, right in the middle at the front, and either Vanessa (or someone mucking about with her…probably Silky) had unzipped it just the tiniest amount. For about the hundredth time that month, Brooke cursed herself for breaking things off with Vanessa. It wasn’t just about her looks though, or her body, or how much she missed the sex. Their interaction in the cupboard made Brooke remember how funny Vanessa was, how much of an endearing goofball, how she was just a cheerful person whose only real wish in life was to be properly happy. And Brooke had hurt her, made her the exact opposite of that. Vanessa loved everything and everyone so deeply, was the most open of books, and was so unafraid of feeling. Meanwhile there was Brooke not even able to tell her own flatmates, the two girls that knew her best in the world, about her own feelings.

As she watched Vanessa’s eyes drift from Scarlet and Monet, who she’d been talking to, across the room to rest on her, Brooke felt her heart stop. Not giving a single thing away, Vanessa smiled, gave a little wave, and crossed the room to where Brooke stood.

“Hey!” she began, so confident and self-assured and making Brooke feel more like a trashbag than she already did. “Nice dress.”

“Thanks!” Brooke smiled, uncharacteristically flustered at the tiny compliment. “You look so beaud!”

Fuck. Brooke kicked herself for getting tongue tied, badly hoping Vanessa wouldn’t have noticed. As she watched a confused smile appear on her face, Brooke realised she’d have to explain herself. “I was going to say beautiful, then I changed it to good and they just sort of…mushed together.”

Brooke felt her face grow hot as Vanessa simply raised an eyebrow in a smirk. “I’ll take both. Beautiful and good.”

Just as Brooke was about to defend herself, Silky announced to the girls in her own Silky-esque way that the pizzas were ready, and, giving a cry of delight, Vanessa had dashed across the room and left Brooke forgotten about.

As they all ate, Brooke fought an internal battle. She had absolutely no right to feel sorry for herself, this mess was entirely of her own making. Besides, she had to put everything out of her head now; she had made her decision, Vanessa had moved on, and she had to let the whole thing drop. But despite all this, it didn’t stop her brain constantly pestering her with what-ifs.

It was still pestering her once they’d all finished their dinner and moved upstairs into the huge living room for drinks and games, so she was glad when Nina popped herself down beside her with two ice cold bottles of beer from the fridge.

“One for each hand,” she explained. Brooke burst out laughing. She fucking loved Nina so much.

“Where’s yours?”

“Monet’s making mojitos for me and her. I love having a girlfriend, it’s like a sexy butler that you get to have sex with and cuddle any time you want,” Nina mused wistfully, giving Brooke her second belly-laugh in the space of two minutes. As she composed herself, Monet came into the room with two huge tall glasses overflowing with crushed ice and garnished with lime and mint.

“Where the fuck did you get mint and limes?” Brooke asked, screwing her face up in confusion then scrambling to pull a slightly more attractive one as Vanessa came in flanked by Silky and Akeria.

“I brought them, bitch! Anyway what did I miss?”

“Nina called you a sexy butler,” Brooke said casually, sipping one of her two beers and smiling as she watched Nina grow flustered.

“Jesus Christ, I’m getting all the compliments today! First I was a Tesco Finest girlfriend, now I’m a sexy butler. You know how to treat a lady, Neens,” Monet teased, pulling her girlfriend in and smothering her with kisses on the cheek.

“Ugh, get that couple shit outta here,” Vanessa yelled from the other sofa, throwing a leftover crisp at them. Monet instantly snapped back.

“Uh, like you can talk, Vanj.”

“What the shit hell is that meant to mean?” Vanessa laughed, amused.

Akeria grew outraged as she turned around to face Vanessa, her long, straight hair swinging wildly as she flipped it over her shoulder. “NEED we remind you what you sent to the group chat last week?!”

Silky began yelling, mirroring the cries of woe and dismay that were circling through Brooke’s brain at being reminded that Monique was still very much in the picture. “NO we do NOT need reminded! I can’t go through that again, dear Jesus God…”

“Fuck babygirl, I need that mouth on me-” Akeria began reading dramatically from her screen, the girls cringing and laughing and every word feeling like a kick to Brooke’s gut as Vanessa, face bright red, wrestled with Akeria to get the phone out of her hands. “-I’m touching myself but you know it’s not the same- aw, V! Give it back!”

“I’m gonna eat this fuckin’ phone, Akeria Chanel Davenport, I swear,” Vanessa chided her furiously, holding the phone out of her reach then relenting, giving it back to her. Silky fanned herself dramatically, making the others laugh. As Brooke did her best fake laugh and joined in, she tried not to make eye contact with Vanessa’s embarrassed face.

“Aw, are we talking about the unfortunate dirty text incident?” Plastique’s voice came from the hall, everyone laughing again as she sat down in the armchair beside the fire. “Seriously, V, you should be a songwriter. I swear that whole thing could’ve been from a Kamille song or some shit-”

“Well, all sexts are a little bit cringey, aren’t they?” Nina offered kindly, attempting to cheer Vanjie up. In doing this, she only succeeded in earning herself an exasperated cry from Monet.

“V, do you wanna go out? I can’t stand this bitch any more, she just keeps insulting me.”

As everyone howled with laughter and Nina frantically smothered her girlfriend in kisses trying to get her back onside, Brooke sneaked a look at Vanessa. She was laughing, but her face was still a little red. Christ, she looked so cute. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

“Speaking of sex, I’m assuming Yvie and Scarlet went off to bang?” Plastique shrugged, everyone finally realising who was missing.

“Oh, fuck this! Save that shit for later!” Silky protested, Akeria laughing and whacking her.

“Hey, let them be happy! It’s my birthday so I’m sayin’ if they want to fuck, let ‘em. In the meantime I have an empty wine bottle and a room full of girls with secrets that need spilled,” Akeria announced. Plastique clapped excitedly, Silky cheered and Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“For Christ’s sake, Kiki, do we not already know all there is to know about each other?” she complained. Interesting. So Vanessa didn’t want to play truth or dare, a game she was usually always down for.

“Excuse the fuck outta me, we played that stupid tuna game earlier!”

“Sardines,” Brooke deadpanned, earning herself a laugh from the room.

“It was some type of fish, I got that much right.”

“How are you through a whole bottle of wine already?” Silky asked, impressed.

“Can I live? It’s my birthday! Now will you hoes stop pissing in my cereal and let’s play!” Akeria implored, setting the wine bottle down against the red carpet and spinning it so violently Brooke worried that it would smash on the marble grate. It slowed, turning round and round and finally resting right back at where Akeria leant down from the sofa. She let out a giggle. “Oops. Guess it’s me.”

“Keeks, truth or dare!” Plastique asked excitedly. Akeria tilted her head, deep in thought.

“Hmm. I ain’t drunk enough for dares yet, so let’s go truth.”

There was a beat of silence as everyone racked their brains to think of something. Monet was first with an idea.

“Fuck, marry, kill: Silk, Vanj or…uh…”

“Asia,” Vanessa said simply, sipping some coke and spirit concoction through a straw as Silky let out a screech. Brooke was confused. She met her eyes with Nina’s, who looked equally baffled.

“Wait, who’s Asia?” Nina asked. Akeria, to her credit, looked composed. To be fair, Brooke had hardly ever seen her look anything but.

“She’s a friend from my course. We did a paired project together an’ she came over to the flat to work on it the other week,” Vanessa shrugged. “Her an’ Kiki seemed to hit it off.”

“I don’t have a fuckin’ crush on the girl, Jesus. Don’t make it weird,” Akeria rolled her eyes, blinking slowly. If Brooke squinted she might’ve spotted a flush to Akeria’s face, but perhaps that came from the glow of the fire.

Monet muttered under her breath to Brooke and Nina as the three flatmates bickered away. “Is Akeria gay?”

Brooke blew out a bunch of air. “Fuck, I don’t even know who’s what anymore.”

“She’s never classed herself as straight,” Nina elaborated cautiously. “She talks about getting dicked down by guys a lot. Then again, it’s really only Silky that does that and Keeks just joins in.”

“Silk and Vanj know something we don’t,” Brooke reasoned, watching as the two girls laughed and Akeria sat, poised and smirking at them indulgently as if they were kids.

“Right, enough! ‘Keria, fuck marry kill: Vanjie, Silk or Asia, then,” Monet shrugged, sipping her mojito.

Akeria flipped some hair over her shoulder and tilted her head to the sky thoughtfully. “I honestly can’t decide who I’d rather kill, Silk or Vanj.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna fuck or marry Asia, correct?” Vanessa quipped, a little fire igniting in Brooke’s heart as she watched a wicked smile spread across her scheming face.

“No, I don’t know her well enough to have any strong feelings towards her either way. You and Silk, however…” Akeria raised her eyebrows long-sufferingly, coaxing a laugh out of the other girls. “Uhh, right, marry Asia, or whatever. Kill Silky.”

“Bitch! I’ll kill you for real,” Silky objected, pummeling Akeria’s arm with a cushion.

“Fuck Vanj because she likes girls anyway and if she’s going down on me it means she’s not talking with that fuckin’ gritter-truck voice of hers,” Akeria shrugged as she concluded, the room cheering and Vanessa doing a little celebratory bow. As she flipped her head up she caught Brooke’s eye, giving her a little wink. Brooke crossed her legs and tried not to think about Vanessa going down on anyone. Least of all her.

“Aight!” Akeria said, indicating to everyone that her turn was well and truly over. “We move.”

The bottle was spun once more, Brooke taking a long drink out of her bottle and draining it. She needed to be tipsier than this. Everyone else seemed a little more drunk than she was, apart from Vanessa who she noted was sipping her drink sparingly. Brooke shook her head a little, trying to stop bringing her focus to Vanessa every five minutes. She’d taken her heels off and tucked her legs up underneath her on the sofa, and her thighs looked good for it.

“Plastique, truth or dare!”

Plastique tucked her hair behind her ears. “Uhh, dare.”

Brooke knew what to do for this one. Plastique had taken Ariel on a couple of dates, but the girls were emotionally stunted and neither of them had properly articulated their feelings to the other yet. “Call Ariel and tell her how you feel about her. Properly.”

As the other girls “oooh"ed in appreciation, Plastique fixed Brooke with an unimpressed glare. "I’m not doing that.”

“Pussy,” Brooke shrugged, sipping her other beer. Vanessa let out a laugh from the other side of the room.

“Brooke Lynn’s telling someone else they’re a pussy for not being open about their feelings? Are we in the correct universe?"

As the other girls gave a laugh that was only the slightest bit uncomfortable, Brooke rolled her eyes. "Okay, well at the very least send her a heartfelt text.”

“Why are you pushing this so much, ma?” Plastique pouted as she relented and reached for her phone.

“Because I’m bored of sitting in lectures hearing you moan about how you can’t tell her how you feel because it would make it weird or how you don’t want to come across too intense!"

"We all had to listen to you pine after Vanjie for two and a half years but we never forced you into admitting anything,” Plastique shrugged, the room erupting into shrieks. Brooke gave a choke of a laugh, wanting the ground to open up and swallow her. She knew her face was bright red without having to look in a mirror and, as much as her brain was imploring her not to, she found her eyes darting quickly to Vanessa to catch a glimpse of her face.

Calm, smiling tight-lipped and smug. As if she’d won something.

“No, but you did start a sweepstake about us so get off the high horse, thanks!” Brooke sing-songed back, the slight hint of irritation to her voice letting Plastique know she was to drop it. Us. The word felt weird in Brooke’s mouth, it hadn’t been used in so long. Two and a half years. Had she really liked Vanessa for that long before everything had happened between them? Brooke had actually thrown away two and a half years of feelings for the sake of one feeling of indecision, a feeling that maybe they shouldn’t have been a they any more?

For Christ’s sake don’t look at Vanessa.

“Fine. I’ve put tonight’s really fun but I miss you, I always miss you when you’re not with me, hope you know how much I care about you. That heartfelt enough for you bitches?” Plastique muttered, embarrassed. Nina let out an “aaw”, Akeria made a sick noise.

“Acceptable,” Brooke shrugged, sipping on her beer again. Suddenly, a cheer went up from Akeria, Vanessa and Silky who could see who was coming through the living room door first. Yvie and Scarlet were walking close, holding a glass of red wine each and wearing matching poker faces.

“Oh, here they are! Nice of you to finally join us!” Nina cheered, Scarlet giving a small smile and smoothing her dress down, sitting beside Yvie on the last remaining couch.

“All the best people are fashionably late!” she shrugged. Yvie gave a snort and swept some hair over her shoulder to cover her neck. Brooke saw the action and jumped on it.

“Nice neckwear.”

Yvie turned only slightly red. “Thanks. Gucci.”

“Hear that? Yvie’s girlfriend is Gucci. Not Tesco Finest. Gucci,” Monet nudged Nina, setting another laugh off amongst the girls.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Brooke explained to the two girls, as Plastique gave the glass bottle a bit of a pathetic spin.

“Vanjie!”

Vanessa shook her head. “Nah that spin was shit, it don’t count.”

“Like hell it don’t! Truth or dare, bitch?” Silky all but interrogated her. Vanessa thought about it for a moment, then decided.

“Truth.”

Brooke’ heart hammered in her chest. She hoped to God they wouldn’t ask Vanessa anything about her, anything about them.

“What’s going on with you and Monique, Vanjie?” Monet asked dramatically, Akeria giving a cry of delight and thumping her hands against her thighs.

Great.

As the room broke out into eager laughter, Vanessa just smiled.

“Well, Monique and I are good friends, and…we get on well. We both been, y'know, unlucky in love a lil’, so…” Vanessa trailed off, the room giving little chokes of anticipation and Brooke’s stomach twisting. “…if it’s one in the morning and one of us is maybe still up…y'know…”

Monet gave a tiny squeal through her teeth. Brooke wanted to wedge herself in between the sofa cushions and not emerge again til May of next year.

“Y'know, Monique’s very confident, very sure of herself, an’ that's…y'know, it’s attractive…” Vanessa trailed off, running her tongue over her teeth. Brooke knew that face, remembered the time when that face used to get directed at her before they’d fall into bed together, frantic kisses planted along collarbones and clothes discarded over the uneven floorboards of Vanessa’s room.

“But what’s actually going on? You’ve said so much but not actually said anything,” Yvie let out an unimpressed laugh. Vanessa composed herself and sat up straight, taking a rare sip of her drink.

“Well, we get on well. She’s a good person. And we’re friends,” Vanessa smiled coyly, causing the girls to laugh uproariously.

“Okay, okay, we all see it! We all get it!” Monet laughed, the knife twisting in Brooke’s stomach. Could it have been more obvious that they were obviously having each other in every type of position imaginable with any chance they got, or was it just Brooke being paranoid? She thought back to what Monet had said in the car earlier and concluded that, occasional hits of the bong aside, she was not being paranoid by any stretch of the imagination.

The game rolled along. Nina was made to do something vague and embarrassing with Monet that Brooke forgot quickly (or perhaps blocked out), Scarlet was forced to admit (rather proudly, Brooke thought) that her and Yvie had quickly fucked upstairs in the time they’d been away, and a few other of the girls did a couple of bland truths. As much as the bottle spun and spun, it never seemed to point Brooke’s way. Brooke was glad. She didn’t want to admit or say anything, and she also didn’t want to do anything remotely risky. However, when the bottle landed on Vanessa a second time, Brooke began to reconsider her thought process.

“Dare,” Vanessa smiled, a glint of danger in her eye flashing quickly as she darted her eyes quickly to Brooke.

Brooke tried not to look at Nina as she spoke. “Vanjie. Kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Plastique whispered quietly. It seemed as if the whole room held its breath. Brooke didn’t know if she was grateful to Nina for the setup or whether she wanted to descend into the earth’s core. She knew Vanessa had answered this question before with this group of girls, she knew that Vanessa thought the answer was her. But that was before everything had changed. Brooke felt her pulse race as Vanessa looked to the ceiling, deep in thought.

Slowly, she turned her gaze to Yvie and Scarlet.

“Yvie,” she began, a small sinking feeling lodging itself in Brooke’s chest. “Can I kiss your girlfriend?”

Yvie smiled at Scarlet proudly, happy for the compliment. “Dare’s a dare. Bring her back.”

“Scarlet, can I get a lil’ smooch?” Vanessa laughed, Scarlet laughing back and motioning for her to sit beside them on the sofa.

“C'mere, friend,” she laughed easily, Vanessa crossing the room and joining them. Brooke remembered when Vanessa had kissed Scarlet before- in the nightclub, before they were together and before Yvie and Scarlet were together. She remembered how it made her feel- a little irritated and sad all in one. Looking back, she realised it was plain and simple jealousy, and she knew her feelings weren’t going to change this time.

Quickly, Vanessa leaned in and met Scarlet’s lips, kissing her gently but slowly, her hand resting on Scarlet’s hip easily. It could only have been about three seconds long, but each one seemed to tick by agonisingly slowly, and Brooke hoped she wasn’t showing any of her fucked-up emotions on her face. As the two girls pulled away and the others whooped and whistled, Scarlet made a face.

“Bitch, all I tasted there was pepperoni. That was the least sexy kiss I’ve ever had.”

“You loved it, hoe!” Vanessa laughed, retreating back to her seat. Desperate to look at anything but Vanessa’s face, Brooke watched Yvie and Scarlet. Yvie had the satisfied grin of a mafia mob boss as Scarlet whispered something in her ear, then smiled seductively, kissing her once, twice, three times, red lipstick meeting purple.

“Well if I wasn’t bi before, I sure as hell am now,” Plastique fanned herself.

“We are the cornerstone of Plastique’s sexual identity. That’s a fucking compliment!” Scarlet cheered, Yvie laughing and wrapping her arms around her.

“Nah, you and Yvie are my parents. The Mums of the group,” Plastique explained.

“Fuck off, we’re not the Mums!” Yvie laughed, outraged. “Nina and Monet are literally right there!”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Nina cried, outraged at the perceived injustice.

“Yeah, don’t lump me in with this dork!” Monet yelled, laughing with the other girls as Nina swatted her on the arm.

“Right! Spin, Vanj,” Yvie ordered, the girl spinning the bottle round obediently. Brooke watched as the top of the bottle whizzed by her once, twice, three times, past Yvie, Scarlet, the Antigua Road girls, slowed down as it reached Plastique, edged past Monet and Nina and then came to rest on Brooke.

“All RIGHT! About time this bitch spilt some tea,” Silky clapped in delight.

“Brooke,” Akeria said with the threat level of an MI5 employee. “Truth or dare?”

Brooke paused. Her go-to was usually a truth, however there was no way she was going for that this time, not while she was still a concrete mixer of feelings for Vanessa and not while there was a room full of people wanting to know exactly what was going on with them. She shrugged. “Dare.”

“Okay-” Akeria tailed off, making to stop and think. A practically evil smile spread across her face as realisation dawned on her. “Same dare. Kiss the hottest person in the room. Ten seconds.”

Silky let out a scream, growing so excitable on the sofa that Vanessa was almost sent through the ceiling. Scarlet whispered something to Yvie on the sofa, both of the girls looking at Brooke intently. Plastique shouted over something to Akeria that Brooke couldn’t hear. All she could focus on was how Vanessa had grabbed Silky and was laughing, but somewhat nervously. Her face had gone bright red. Brooke bit her lip. She thought back to their flirting in the cupboard earlier, how they were almost back to square one again, the weird bid Vanessa had made to make Brooke jealous. She could always kiss Yvie or Nina, take the easy way out. But the more she looked at Vanessa, the more drawn she became to her until before she knew what she was doing, Brooke had stood up from her place on the carpet and taken one, two, three steps to sit on the couch and look Vanessa in the eyes.

Brooke could hear everyone in the room screaming, and she knew Silky had run out of the room shouting incoherently, but all she seemed to hear was her blood roaring in her ears as Vanessa leaned in. Before she knew it, Brooke’s hand was resting on Vanessa’s bare thigh and they were kissing each other, slow and deep and lazy and in a way that Brooke never wanted to end. She felt Vanessa’s tongue licking at hers gently and immediately felt a throb of heat between her legs as she remembered 3ams spent between her sheets and Vanessa’s head buried between her thighs.

Christ, this was a bad idea, this was a bad idea-

“ZERO! And y’all can officially cut that shit out,” Brooke suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Vanessa, Akeria’s voice cutting through her hazy thoughts and bringing her back down to earth with a bump.  

“Well, I feel like on that note,” Monet clapped her hands together decisively. “I’m away out to drink in the hot tub. Anyone else?”

One by one the girls agreed, dashing out of the room excitedly, and it was obvious to Brooke that everyone would be talking about what had just happened. Vanessa had run off quickly, her hand in Silky’s as the two dashed upstairs to get their swimwear on. The only girl that was left in the room as Brooke made to do the same was Akeria. She frowned at Brooke as they both left the room, a warning in her eyes which sent a chill down Brooke’s spine. Trying to ignore it, Brooke dashed upstairs, changed into her pink bikini and then ran outside to join the others. They wouldn’t talk about her and Vanessa’s kiss if she was there, so the less time she was away the better. Brooke grabbed a third beer from the fridge on her way out to the garden, and as she stepped outside she noticed how the moon already hung huge and bright in the sky, how the grass already had a shine of cold wet on it, and how everything looked almost a little bit magic. Joining the others and sitting between Yvie and Plastique, she tried to ignore Vanessa sitting opposite her in a black bikini that looked equally sinful as the outfit she’d been wearing before. Luckily the rest of the girls had no further desire to play drinking games, and talk instead turned to movies. Brooke didn’t join in. She couldn’t- too much was swirling around her mind, namely how good the kiss had felt. Scarlet had probably lied to make Yvie laugh- Vanessa had tasted like sugary coke, and the all too familiar scent of her perfume was still inexplicably clinging to Brooke. It had been weird to kiss after months of no contact at all. It had been a bad decision. Brooke had done yet another wrong thing.

So why did it feel somehow correct?

“Right!” Akeria said after a while, almost toppling over as she stood up. “I think I’m gettin’ a touch of the hypothermias. Who’s comin’ inside to watch Sister Act?”

“Bitch! That’s like, my favourite movie. Hell yes,” Monet sprang up, knocking Nina off her lap and into the middle of the hot tub. The girls erupted in a laugh, Brooke almost dropping her beer into the water. One by one, they all filed out of the water. Brooke was the last one left. Admittedly she didn’t want to leave- she was now tipsy enough to not feel the cold, and she could have lain back and stared at the white light of the full moon in the inky sky forever. Just as she was about to follow the others, she noticed that the second-to-last girl out of the hot tub was Vanessa. Brooke swallowed thickly, trying her best not to stare at how the small droplets of water clung to her thick thighs or how her tiny bikini barely covered her firm ass, or how her slick, wet hair cascaded down her back. Almost as if she could read Brooke’s mind, Vanessa slowly, tortuously turned around. She had a little wicked smile on her face, the kind she always used to wear when she flirted with Brooke. It made Brooke cross her legs and squeeze her thighs together.

“You got a good enough view from there?” she asked, playfulness coating her words as she spread both her arms out to lean against the back of the hot tub.

This was bad. This was not good. Brooke couldn’t flirt back. It would only lead to another really horrendous, catastrophic decision. Her mind was hot-wiring, and to her dismay she couldn’t come up with any form of quick-witted comeback. Noticing how long it was taking her to reply, Vanessa gave a throaty laugh.

“Hmm. I’ll take that as a yes, then,” she purred, crossing the water and sitting down close next to Brooke. Brooke tried her best not to choke as she took a sip from the bottle in her hand.

“Thought you were going to watch Sister Act?” she asked, trying to sound casual but cringing at how nervous she sounded as the words left her mouth. Her blood pressure dialled up a notch as Vanessa laced her fingers together, placed her hands on Brooke’s bare shoulder, then rested her head against her fingers.  

“I don’t know. Think I’d rather see what’s so special about this view you love so much,” Vanessa murmured softly, Brooke not missing the way she rushed out the word ‘love’ as if to distil any awkwardness. She didn’t need to worry, though, because right now all Brooke could focus on was how good Vanessa looked in that black bikini, and how her red lipstick still clung to her plump lips as if it had just been applied, and her beautiful dark gaze from under her fake lashes.

“Hmm. It’s a pretty good view. Pretty beautiful,” Brooke found herself whispering, eliciting a sparkle from Vanessa’s eyes. Fuck. Shit. She shouldn’t have said that, it just seemed to have happened, but with Vanessa sitting pressed up so close to her how else could she have possibly reacted? There was a small silence in which Vanessa gave a small giggle, looking down at the constantly popping bubbles. The jet stream pummeled Brooke’s back to bits.

“What’s funny?” she smiled cautiously. Vanessa looked at her, something nostalgic on her face.

“Your pickup lines are still cringey as fuck,” she smirked, Brooke rolling her eyes a little. She had to steer this conversation back to normality. Whatever the fuck normality was as far as her and Vanessa were concerned.

“That wasn’t a pickup line. If I was trying to pick you up, you’d know about it.”

“Oh, I know about it, baby. Don’ worry,” Vanessa hit back instantly, Brooke taking the pet name like a fatal shot. Brooke knew that Vanessa knew what that word did to her in the right context with the right tone. Fuck. Bad idea, bad idea. She was determined not to lose whatever game this was. She would not do anything stupid. She would not ruin the tiny, small beginnings of this foundation of their friendship that they were gradually re-building. She would stand up and go inside and watch Whoopi fucking Goldberg dance about in a fucking habit and all would be right with the world again.

“Two and a half years, huh? You had it bad, bitch, I never knew I had that kind of effect on you,” Vanessa laughed suddenly, Brooke trying not to blush as she remembered Plastique’s words from earlier.

“Not that you’re letting it go to your head,” Brooke shrugged, taking a sip.

Vanessa giggled again. Brooke wished she wouldn’t. “Never.”

“Good compliment for you, I guess.”

“Better than beaud,” Vanessa smirked, snorting a laugh as Brooke tipped her head back and cringed. As she quietly stopped laughing, Vanessa shrugged lightly. “An’ I mean, nice to know I’m the hottest girl in the room too.”

Brooke let out a small sigh at having to confront her decision. “I mean just because we’re not dating any more doesn’t mean it’s not objectively true. By Western beauty standards you probably are the hottest girl in the room.”

Vanessa laughed again. “Western beauty standards, my God. I’m not even white, you dumb bitch.”

“Yeah, but…you’ve got this gorgeous skin, and all your shiny hair. And your eyes that go all twinkly when you’re happy,” Brooke explained. Where was all this coming from? “And you have perfect white teeth, and the best smile. I feel like you light up the whole room when you laugh.”

Brooke’s heart gave a twinge as Vanessa’s face broke out into a smile, tilting her face to the side a little inquisitively. Brooke gave a little cough, aware of all the compliments she’d given her. “And you have a really good figure as well, so, yeah.”

“Oh, obviously. Well, we all know how much you like that,” Vanessa smirked cheekily, Brooke suddenly snapping her neck round to face her properly.

“What?”

“Liked that. Like, liked. Whatever. We’re friends now, we can laugh about it,” Vanessa shrugged, the words coming out of her mouth confirming their status at once relieving Brooke and putting her on edge. They were back to being friends. This was what Brooke wanted, right? Vanessa still had the little cheeky grin on her face as she spoke again. “Friends who still kiss each other, apparently.”

“Well, you kissed Scarlet,” Brooke said, trying to make it as nonchalant as possible. Judging by Vanessa’s smug reaction, she hadn’t succeeded.

“You seem pressed.”

“Not pressed! Just saying,” Brooke tried to protest gently but felt she came on way too heavy.

“Mhm. There’s just one problem about all this, though…” Vanessa murmured, her tone charged with something that immediately made the hairs on Brooke’s arm stand on end, giving her goosebumps.

And then, with one fluid movement, Vanessa moved to straddle her.

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

Brooke’s heart almost flatlined as Vanessa spoke, her face still wearing the tiniest cocky smile that Brooke so badly wanted to kiss off of her. “It’s kinda hard to try an’ be friends with you when I know what you look like with no clothes on.”

Brooke tried her best to keep her voice level. “Well, it’s also kind of hard to try and be friends with you when you’re flirting with me.”

“It’s also hard to be friends with you when I know what your kinks are…” Vanessa brought her arms around Brooke’s neck and barely concealed a smile as she bucked her hips ever so slightly. “…Mami.”

Brooke felt the tiniest hiss escape her lips, glad it wasn’t the fuck that had immediately popped into her head.

“It’s kind of hard to be friends with you when you’re riding my thigh…or when you’re coming on to me like this,” Brooke replied, keeping one hand firmly on the side of the hot tub and the other wrapped around the glass bottle in her hand so tight she thought it would smash.

“Coming on to you?” Vanessa suddenly tipped her head back and laughed, Brooke immediately realising what she’d said. “That can be arranged, you want face, tongue or fingers?”

“Fuck’s sake, Vanessa,” Brooke laughed softly, letting one of her hands drop down under the water and rest against Vanessa’s thigh. As Brooke’s thumb rubbed at her skin softly, she tried to reason with herself. Just because she was stroking Vanessa’s skin, and had her on top of her, and was basically talking dirty to her, didn’t mean that anything was actually going to happen.

“I know you miss me, Brooke,” Vanessa said, her tone matter-of-fact as she straightened up a little in Brooke’s lap, Brooke eyeing the way her breasts were pushed up.

Brooke had to think carefully about her response. She knew she’d hurt Vanessa, so she had to keep things light. “I mean, it kind of looks like you miss me, baby.”

Oh fuck, that pet name was a mistake. Vanessa’s smile was sultry as she pushed one of her hands into Brooke’s hair. “Me? Nah, I’m just doin’ this because it’s fun. Monique’s treatin’ me very well.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Vanessa knew how to hit Brooke where it hurt. Brooke pursed her lips. She wanted to fight dirty, she would give as good as she got. “And that’s why you’re cheating on her?”

Vanessa burst out laughing. “Oh, bitch, please! Me and her aren’t exclusive! We ain’t even a thing! She vents to me about her ex, I vent to her about you, and then we fuck away our frustrations!”

A part of Brooke’s heart soared up into the black sky like a helium balloon. She didn’t think she’d shown her relief on her face until Vanessa gave a laugh. “So. You ain’t denied it.”

“Denied what?”

“That you miss me,” she shrugged, giving a little look down at Brooke’s hands on her thighs. Brooke couldn’t pinpoint when she’d brought the other one down under the water but apparently she had done. Her throat was dry as she considered her response. Before she could get there, Vanessa threw her mind into chaos as she brought her hands back behind her head, fidgeted for a moment, then suddenly threw her bikini top across the decking. As Brooke’s gaze flicked down to Vanessa’s full breasts, the other girl brought one finger up and tilted her chin up to face her. The heat between Brooke’s legs was unbearable, and she felt her paper-thin resolve rapidly melting away. Vanessa smirked. “You wanna kiss me so bad right now, don’t you? Like you kissed me earlier. You can’t even stay away.“

Vanessa seemed to edge closer to Brooke, although they were already so close that seemed an impossible feat. Brooke raised an eyebrow. “See, I feel like if Monique fucked you as good as you say she does, you wouldn’t be in my lap right now.”

Vanessa blinked slowly, mockingly. “Oh, baby. You don’t want to know the things I let her do to me.”

Brooke bristled. The tension between them and Vanessa’s teasing was getting her riled. “You’re right, I don’t.”

“Aww. You jealous, baby?” Vanessa pouted. This was going to drive Brooke insane. Her mind constantly swung between this being a bad idea and a good idea, and she had no idea which it would settle on.

Brooke locked eyes with Vanessa, the other girl’s gaze a challenge. “No.”

“You sure? You seemed jealous when I kissed Scarlet earlier, I saw your face.”

“I don’t get jealous,” Brooke repeated, holding her gaze with Vanessa. Their faces weren’t too close but their bodies were, and Brooke felt as if she was a ticking time bomb.

“So you ain’t jealous of Monique?” Vanessa murmured inquisitively. Brooke shook her head, now unable to tear her gaze away from her lips which had felt so perfect against her own earlier. “You ain’t jealous of the fact she gets to ride my face and get my pretty lil’ tongue working her clit? You ain’t jealous of the fact that it’s her name I’m crying out when I cum on her fingers? You ain’t-”

Frustrated, tense, and out of willpower, Brooke let out a low growl as she finally brought her hands up to Vanessa’s jaw and crashed their lips together, kissing her wildly and deeply and running her hands over every inch of Vanessa’s skin she was able to touch. She didn’t even care that she’d proven Vanessa right, because she had missed this, missed her, missed the way they just seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and dear sweet fucking Jesus she’d been an idiot to give up this sex. Brooke whined needily as she felt Vanessa pull away, the other girl laughing against her lips.

“You don’t kiss like a girl who ain’t jealous,” Vanessa tutted, a satisfied smirk on her face. "Or one that don’t miss me.”

Brooke ran her hands up and down her back and pouted. “Shut up.”

“Hmm. That ain’t no way to talk to me if you’re planning on getting what you want, lil’ brat,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, bringing one of her hands down to rub at Brooke’s hipbone. Brooke let out a whimper and bucked her hips. She needed Vanessa so badly, and her words were only making things worse. Or better.

“Fuck, please, Vanessa, shit,” Brooke hissed, not caring about how pathetic and needy she looked now as she brought one of her hands up and rubbed a thumb over one of Vanessa’s nipples. Brooke felt her clit throb as Vanessa gave a little hum of delight at the contact. Her fingers had only been there for a second before Vanessa grabbed her wrist and held it down under the water, the sudden force causing Brooke’s eyes to grow wide.

“You broke my fuckin’ heart an’ now you really think I’m gonna make it that easy for you?” she barked a laugh, a guilty twinge tugging at Brooke’s rapid heart. “Fuck that. I want to hear you beg me to fuck you. You’re gonna have to work for me, baby. Shit’s on my terms.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I really don’t give a shit how desperate I sound,” Brooke sighed, the shock of the prospect of Vanessa changing her mind about all this lighting a fire in Brooke. “Please, please, please, please, baby, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything you want, just fucking touch me, please-”

Brooke cut herself off with her own moan as Vanessa ran a hand down her body and lightly pressed two fingers against her, rubbing gently and making Brooke want to sob.

“Good girl,” Vanessa purred, Brooke writhing underneath her and completely past the point of thinking about any of the consequences of any of this. “You miss me, don’t you?”

“Fuck, so much.”

“You been missin’ this?”

“Shit yes, so much.”

Vanessa’s eyes were dark as Brooke looked up at her. “Nobody’s gonna fuck you like me, are they?”

Brooke’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head, thinking that at this point if Vanessa asked her to get married she probably would’ve booked the damn venue. “No, only you, baby, fuck.”

“Mm, such a good girl,” Vanessa smirked, Brooke’s clit giving a spasm as she thought now was really not the time to realise she had a praise kink. “I don’t know, though. You seemed pretty sure you wouldn’t miss me when you ended things.”

“I do miss you, 'Ness, I promise, I’m sorry, I’ll beg on my knees if you want me to, I don’t give a fuck, you’ve been driving me crazy all night…so fucking perfect, shit…"

"Mm…you would look so pretty on your knees,” Vanessa leaned in and murmured into Brooke’s ear, pressing the lightest little kiss to her neck and almost sending Brooke over the edge before anything had even happened yet.

“I’ll do whatever you want, baby, fuck, I want you to feel like you’re the most gorgeous fucking goddess in the world,” Brooke gasped as Vanessa brought her other hand down to touch herself, the sight of her working Brooke and herself into a frenzy the hottest thing she’d seen in months. Her mind short-circuited, and she struggled to know if anything she said made any sense. “Jesus Christ, Vanessa, please fuck me, I can’t take much more-"

Pride glinted in Vanessa’s eyes before she leaned in and kissed Brooke, hot and wet with her fingers still rubbing and teasing her through the material. Pulling away, she motioned to the decking around the hot tub. “Lie back then, baby.”

As Brooke almost drove her face into the decking in her haste to scramble out of the hot tub she ignored the little voice in the back of her head that told her everything about this was a bad idea, and instead focused on the one that screamed it was the best decision she’d made in months.s

[mandowh0re]

He Called Me ‘Dad’

So uh, here’s this. I know I have like 4 other stories I need to work on but I couldn’t help myself.

Based off of this post by @stark-tony because it always is.

Russian translation by @astasea on AO3 and ficbook.net!

Word Count: 1232

I hope you like it!

Happy Reading!

“NED!” Peter burst through Ned’s bedroom door.

The boy jumped and grabbed his chest, unaware that Peter was in his house.

“Jesus, Peter! A little bit of a warning would’ve been nice!”

Peter ignores this and makes a beeline for Ned’s bed, throwing himself on top and shoving his face into the pillows.

Ned watches this with humor and concern. Humor, because of the inhuman noise that just left Peter’s throat. Concern, because the last time Peter was like this was when he realized he had fallen head over heels for a certain tall, mild mannered, curly haired girl.

“You, uh… You okay, Pete?” Ned asked.

Peter only responded with another guttural, inhuman noise.

Ned got up and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge, “What happened?”

This time Peter didn’t answer.

“Come on, Peter. Are you hurt?”

“... No…”

A small weight was lifted off Ned’s shoulders. At least Peter wasn’t bleeding internally or something.

Just because he dealt with that last month, doesn’t mean he knew how to handle it again.

“Then what’s wrong?” Ned asked, then remembered why Peter had come over so late in the day, “Weren’t you with Mr. Stark toda-“

Another screech.

Ned narrowed his eyes, “What?”

Peter rolled over onto his back, his arms splayed out on either side of him, and he stared at the ceiling.

“I called him ‘dad’.” He mumbled so lowly Ned couldn’t hear him.

“What?”

Peter sighed and moved his eyes to look at his best friend, “I called him ‘dad’.” He repeated a little louder.

Ned raised an eyebrow, “Who?”

“Who do you think? Mr. Stark! I called Mr. Stark dad!” Peter whined, and then moaned.

“Ohhh,” Ned was not at all surprised. He knew Peter and Mr. Stark were really close, basically father and son. He knew Mr. Stark would do anything for Peter, and that Peter not-so-secretly saw him as a father figure, “What did he say?”

“I don’t know! I left as soon as I said it!”

Ned frowned, “Why’d you leave?”

“Because it’s embarrassing!” Peter covered his face with his hands, “What if he doesn’t think about me as a son? What if I freaked him out and he never wants to see me again? What if he never wants me on the Avengers because of this?” Peter was slowly building into a panic attack.

“Peter, hey, calm down.” Ned rested a hand on Peter’s shin, “I guarantee you that you made him the happiest guy alive.”

“What makes you think that?” Peter asked, his face still hidden.

“You’re literally like two idiots in love, except instead of love you’re just two idiots. Which is ironic considering how smart you guys are.”

Peter then removed his hands and glared at his friend.

Ned sighed and relented, “Okay. Tell me what happened.”

Peter went on a tangent about how he and Mr. Stark were working on the Iron Spider suit when Peter accidentally shocked himself from the circuits.

Mr. Stark had freaked out, taking Peter to see Bruce to make sure he was unharmed, much to the boy’s chagrin.

“And then he told me that after he lost me to Thanos, he’s terrified of losing me again. And then my brain short circuited and I called him ‘dad’.”

Ned smiled and patted his friend’s leg, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

***

“Tony? Where are you?” Rhodey called, entering Tony’s suite.

He spotted the man on the couch, looking at something in his hands.

Rhodey walked over to see that it was a picture of Peter laughing next to DUM-E, who was wearing a birthday hat and holding a noisemaker.

“Tones?”

Tony looked up to see Rhodey behind him, and Rhodey saw tears in his eyes, alarming him.

“What happened? Are you okay?” He looked at the picture again, “Is Peter?”

Tony gave a small but genuine smile, then looked back down at the picture.

“He’s fine.”

Rhodey let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Because Peter was strong, but God help any poor, dumbass soul who dared to even touch Peter.

“He called me ‘dad’.”

Rhodey, like Ned, wasn’t at all surprised to hear this and actually laughed.

“Of course he did.” The man sat down on the couch next to Tony.

“I didn’t think… I didn’t think he thought of me like that. Like a father. Like his father.”

Rhodey sighed and leaned back, “You know, for having such a high IQ, you’re really stupid sometimes.”

Tony turned to Rhodey and made a sour face, “Excuse me?”

Rhodey rolled his eyes, “The kid idolizes you. And not because you’re Iron Man or Tony Stark. It’s because you’re his personal hero.”

Tony’s brows furrowed, “What-“

“Man,” Rhodey gently grabbed Tony’s shoulder, “The kid looks at you like you put the stars in the sky. In fact, for him, you probably have. You risked everything to bring him back. You didn’t leave each other’s side for months after he came back. And you’ve done everything for him to keep him safe and happy. Of course he thinks of you as his father.”

By now a few tears broke free and Tony angrily wiped them away.

“But what if I ruin him? What if I hurt him? I’m not meant to be a dad-”

“Hey. Just because Howard wasn’t a great parent doesn’t mean you can’t be. Doesn’t mean you aren’t already. You aren’t him.”

Tony was quiet for a while, mulling over Rhodey’s words.

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

Tony sniffed, wiping away another tear, “He, uh, he shocked himself while we were working on his suit. And I just sort of freaked out, because I can’t even see a cut on his face without seeing him turn to dust. And after Bruce said he was fine, I just, I told him that. And then he called me ‘dad’.”

Rhodey only smiled and nodded.

***

Later that night, Tony’s phone went off.

Aunt Hottie: Peter told me what happened today. I’m glad he finally told you.

Me: Told me what?

Aunt Hottie: He called you dad, didn’t he?

Me: I don’t think he meant to, he all but ran out of the building afterwards

Aunt Hottie: attachment: *picture of Peter’s phone screen with a text Tony had sent him earlier, but his contact name had been changed from ‘Mr. Stark’ to ‘Iron Dad’*

Tony chuckled and saved the picture for later.

Aunt Hottie: I’m really thankful for you, Tony. I didn’t think he would ever have that kind of thing after Ben died.

Aunt Hottie: Really, I don’t think I could ask for anyone better to take on that role for him.

Me: Wow, did you actually just compliment me? I’m touched, really.

Aunt Hottie: Don’t make me regret it.

Me: I think I can physically feel the love.

Aunt Hottie: Tony.

Me: Okay, sorry. But seriously, thank you.

Aunt Hottie: Yeah yeah, just don’t let it get to your head. We’re co-parents now. You actually have to discipline him now

Me: I discipline him

Aunt Hottie: Taking him out for ice cream after he punches a school bully isn’t discipline  

Me: That kid has a big mouth.

Aunt Hottie: Goodnight Tony.

Me: Night, May

Tony smiled at his phone when an idea struck him.

“FRIDAY, change Peter’s contact name.”

“What to, Boss?”

A shit eating grin spread across his face, “SpiderSon.”

***

Iron Dad tag list:

@a-black-pegasus @phiauniverse @justsomeone-notimportant @do-you-downey @ididntdothatnope

Permanent tag list:

@a-place-to-blog-marvel-stuff @yaartheotree

Strikethrough means I couldnt tag you.

[phlipshea]

6 + 13

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞’𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦? 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭?

I’ve  been  in  a  lot  of  fandoms  throughout  my  life  and  I  can  say,  without  a  doubt  or  hesitation,  that  the  Eyewitness  fandom  is  one  of  the  grossiest  fandoms  I  have  ever  been  in  and  there  are  some  people  in  it  that,  if  i  met  in  real  life,  I’m  sure  it  would  not  go  well  for  them.  This isn’t like ‘oh wow you’re a drama queen, just because they ship philkas?’  No.... no.  No.   Not  just  that.  They’ve  done  shit  that  is  unforgivable  and  disgusting.  Like  just  thinking  about  them  gets  my  heart  racing.  I  have  experienced  shit  i  never,  ever,  EVER  wanted  to  experience  from  this  fetishizing, insensitive, immature, disgusting, sadistic, idiotic, complete toxic shithole of a fandom.   I  will  say  it  ONCE I WILL SAY IT A THOUSAND TIMES ---  you  guys  should  be  so glad  I  am  not  like  what  i  have  *ba dum tiss*  eyewitnessed.  Seriously ??? The  STRETCHES  they  would  do  to  excuse  things  or  interpret  or force  things  to  happen.  Seriously??  you wanna  talk  about CALLOUT POSTS  that  are  needed???   I  can  certainly  at  some  people  who  glamorized  what  should  never  be  glamorized.  I  would  say  what  but  I’d  have  to  name  so  many  triggers  it’s  fucking ridiculous.   They  did ---  they did Philip so dirty. 

I THANK GOD EVERY DAY THIS FANDOM IS DEAD. 

                     and  it  says  a  LOT  that  I  made  it  so  nothing  i  post  ends  up  in  tags.  Says  a  lot  I  don’t  follow  my  character  tag.  says  a  lot  I  reblog  gifsets  and  immediately  block  the  blog.

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡?

                 Tommy  and  Tracey  because  they  didn’t  deserve  to  die.

Really  though  I  need  more  Philip  and  Tony  scenes  because  they’re  fucking  gold.

[bash-it-all-blog]

Just read through your Neighbors AU and it's absolutely beautiful. Steve tripping over himself trying to talk to Tony is the best. I'm just gonna ask a bunch of questions and you can pick and choose which ones to answer. When does everyone else realize that Tony is a smol bean that needs to be protected at all cost? Do Tony and Bruce science together? Does Dum-E exist? Do they meet Rhodey? Does Ty show up and be the abusive dick that he is; what does they do about it?? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!

Awe. Thank you! Your praise honestly means so much to me! I’m super insecure about my writing, and I am so so happy to answer all your questions, I’ll try my best!

Also, I’m answering on my phone so excuse any grammatical or formatting errors. Also it gets like angsty.

It takes the friends a couple of weeks to get Tony to really talk to them.

Tony is jumpy and hesitant about everything and it breaks Steve’s heart, mostly because he knows it takes trauma to make someone that way. He knows Tony has been hurt so bad that it’s clear in his everyday life. It’s also clear that Tony, Tony is still hurting. And that’s something Steve can’t stand for.

The first thing Steve does is talk to Thor. Thor is easily the most intimidating if you don’t know him. Steve himself is a pretty big guy but Tony so far has responded well to Steve and Steve makes sure that it stays that way. Steve tells Thor that he needs to tone it down a little bit around Tony and to Steve’s surprise Thor was already aware.

“Steven, my friend.” Thor started, then his eyes got a bit glazed. “When I was a young boy, my mother was full of life. I remember the tales she used to spin as if it were just yesterday, she would tell my brother and I tales that were meant to inspire us, to live lives we loved and were proud of. But as the years past the tales became less dreamy and more dreary. Rather then finding love, they became tales of finding shelter and keeping safe. Of making sure not to fall into the witches hands rather then the fantastical adventure of fighting dragons and escaping a giant’s castle. It was a subtle change but as we grew we understood that our mother-,” Thor’s breath hitched. “Our mother, rather then fighting the dragon or escaping the giant’s castle. She had stayed because she was afraid that if she attempted to leave it would only get worse.”

Steve felt nauseous, but Thor continued. “And so my mother never left and neither did we until it was time for us to go to university. It was after our final year that Loki and I had received jobs here in the states. My father wanted me to take over the company but Loki had foresaw the fall of it. So I trusted him and we left. We begged our mother to come but she said she was happy where she was and that she couldn’t possibly leave.” The larger man closed his eyes. “It was later I realized that she said she couldn’t leave not that she didn’t want to but by then it was too late.” The prince stopped breathing but continued and Steve was afraid for what would come next. “What hurt the most was even though it was not by the dragons hand, it was by the dragons blame that my mother was slain. It is painful that a dagger through the gut was my mother’s only salvation. ”

And Steve could only watch the usually jovial man broke out into silent tears.

“Steven, we are so so very lucky that Tony was able to escape his dragon. And we are so lucky to be given the chance to help heal him of his burns.” Thor looked at Steve. And Steve pulled his friend- no his brother into a hug.

“I’m so sorry Thor.”

“It is in the past now. Fresh enough but I am healing. My brother though is whom I worry for.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him. And Tony. We’ll take care of ‘em. All of ‘em.”

“Thank you, I am glad to have talked about it and do not worry about how I am around Tony, I have proclaimed it my duty to making sure that Tony does not fall back into his dragon’s clutches. We will protect him and we will help heal him.”

“Yea Thor. We will.”

—- okay that got intense. I didn’t even plan on it. I made that up on the spot and shit there are more questions. I got you. Something to lighten you up after that. —-

It is after Tony begins to relax around them that they find out Tony is actually a genius.

Not actually certified though ‘cause Mensa didn’t have anything that could gauge Tony’s level of intelligence.

But anyways. They find out Tony’s a genius because of the stupidest thing. And ofc its Bilgesnipe.

-

They’re all chilling around bilgesnipe when Clint opened his mouth. “Okay guys but how the hell do we get rid of this thing without burning it.” Clint sighs. “But seriously just what would we have to do to get it into Thor’s room without ruining it, since we’re not allowed to throw it out and that’s the only way we’re getting rid of it.”

Tony looks up from his seat on the floor beside Natasha who was running her fingers through his hair. He tilts his head for a second and looks at Thor’s door. “You know. If we just tilt her right to a 172 degree angle and up about 63, it should fit. Theoretically at least, however that is if we shaved about 3.82 mm off of her top.” Tony replied flippantly. The rest of them only looked at their small cinnamon roll in confusion and shock.

“Tony, do you- uh.” Clint hesitated. “Are you like- a genius or something? Or are you just fucking with us?”

Tony’s eyes widened, “What do you mean?” Tony looked anxious but continued, “If you just look at the angles, Clint I swear I’m not lying or anything I just though you wanted to know ‘cause you asked and I’ll shut up.” Tony ducked down a bit and looked away from Clint.

Realizing his mistake Clint quickly tried to make it right. “No Tony, it’s just you surprised us. We knew you were smart but that’s incredible.” Clint watched Tony carefully, and saw the way Tony unfurled a bit at the praise.

“Hey Tony. Do you happen to be into science?” Bruce interrupted.

“Uh yea. I do enjoy it. I’m more of a hard science kinda guy but the soft stuff pulls me in sometimes.” Tony looked at Bruce a bit confused.

Bruce looked hesitant but asked anyways. “Do you have any interest in gamma rays?”

“Wait. Gamma rays.” Tony eyes flashed with recognition. “Wait your THE Bruce Banner!, holy shit!”

Bruce looked nervous at the praise. “I can’t believe it.” Tony stood up and walked over to Bruce. “Your work on anti-collision particles is amazing!” Then Tony clasped Bruce’s hands. “We are now science bros! There is a lot of science in our future Banner!”

And that’s when everyone realized the easiest way to get Tony out of his shell was science.

And bit by bit, Tony was healing.

—-

My phones at 2% but I will answer the rest of your questions later! In my next post. Anyone who comments immediately gets added to my tag list! 1%!!! Shit.

—

Also because I feel like this is a huge part of the au I’m going to tag you guys who asked to be.

@justsomefunshit @colorfulblades@tired-but-here-i-am @blackhearted @im-here-for-marvel@rainbowdoom32@definitely-nope @iheartavengers

—-

last thing if my tags don’t work, something is not right because whenever I try to like do the verify-y thingy it says your blogs don’t exist. So if anyone knows how to fix that please help me.

Thx!

[vio-lently]

🎉HAPPY BIRTHDAY IDA!!!🎉

💖💖💖 hOLY SHIT, IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY~ and i could not be any more excited for you! years of hormones have led to the grand anniversary of your legendary vaginal descent, and i can’t wait to celebrate it with you. i could not have asked for such a kind/ amazing/ lovable/ hilarious/ brilliant/ gorgeous/ sweet/ loyal/ trustworthy/ helpful/ considerate/ PERFECT friend in my whole entire life. you’ve always been there for me through my dumb, over-dramatized problems, and it means the world to me. your heart is made out of gold, and it shows inside-out. the time i spent with you has made my days totally worth-while, and i’ve learned a lot from our friendship. i’ve seen you grow from an angsty but beautiful teen to a slightly less but still ineffably beautiful teen. i’ve seen you meet those who you’d thought you’d never befriend, get a boyfriend and fucking DROP THAT DIRTY HOE, and endure the hardest trials at home, school, and among social medias. i know that sounds silly but you are truly one of the strongest people i have ever met. thank you for everything, ida, i gotta lotta love for you, ya poo-face. now, *rubs hands together manically* time for some dumb birthday jokes that will either make you want to kill me or laugh ‘till you cry (possibly both) :

GURLLL, IT’S SHERBET DAY! :D

if you’re so tough then surely you’d want a PIECE of me!?!? ;o

you’re a KOALAty friend! c:

sending you S’MORE birthday wishes. *smirks* UPDATE: i’m looking back on this photo and regretting it because i’m FUCKING HUNGRY.

i KANTO BAYLEEF it’s your birthdayyy!!! :D

i hope you like this CHEESY birthday toast. c:

words cannot ESPRESSO how much you mean to me. ^.^

(you mean a LATTE if you really couldn’t tell.) :3

okay, enough with the coffee puns, it’s just that you’re so TEA-riffic that i couldn’t help myself. ;D

happy bee-day!!! (it only seemed appropriate because khB.) c: UPDATE: w0w0w0w this pun is old and ik you changed your blog name but imma keep it just for le memories UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: wew you changed the name back to kindhoneybee lmao. im okay

you are SOY dang awesome, gawd.

you are one-in-a-MELLON. c;

god, these jokes are so GRATE, just like you c: huhhhh.

LETTUCE rejoice in happiness, for it is ida’s birthday *slams head on keyboard*. 

(this one is special because you have an obnoxious bond with the joke, but anyway >>>) what did one nut say to the other while playing tag??? *inhales* imma cashew ...

you... rock... (the creative juices are just gone smh my head.)

now that the suffering’s over, let’s get back to the toast. i’m so glad i get to see you grow up and evolve into such a wonderful person (okay so you aren’t evolving all the way, I mean, you still say some pretty dum stuff ;D ) jokes aside ~not including deprecating ones of course~ i love you to friggin’ pieces; there aren’t enough words to describe how i feel about you fjdjafkjdakjfka :) thank you for letting me part of your life; i will be forever grateful. the challenges that we have overcome as best friends instill my growing faith that we’ll know each other till we grow into old, grey lil thots. growing up with someone is extremely hard, no matter how close you are with them. you discover new things about yourself, you mature, learn how your feelings work and so so much more. hOWEVER, it’s been a full year of us being best friends and yes we have faced many problems, and there will be more to come, but i could not ask for anyone better than you to endure them with. ilysfm, my b. 

I WISH YOU A SPLENDID, FUN, VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, IDA! GO ROCK YOUR SPECIAL DAY WOOPWOOOOOOOOOPPP!!!🎂🍾 

xoxo devon 💖💖💖

PEEP @kindhoneybee @n0gitsvne@sereneiaa @onionade @xingenue ~BLOG RATES 100000000/10~

[i-can-do-tricks]

A THING FOR @fishmum

HEY

I SEE THAT I GOT ASSIGNED TO U

AND I WENT CRAZY

I LOVE UR BLOG

AND THE PROMPT

I WAS SCREAMING I LOVED IT SO MUCH

SO HERE IT IS, MY @undertalesecretsanta PROJECT GIFT THING FOR U

ENJOY

~~~

“Dum dee dum, dum…”

The large, happy monster stood there, watering his flowers.

He tilted the watering can just so, giving each and every plant exactly the right amount of water it needed to keep growing. Seeing all this life flourishing right in front of him, in his favorite place, always made him smile…

And he casually stepped to the side, careful to step between the flowers, in time for a glowing, cyan magical spear to impale the soil just beyond where he had been standing. He let out a small breath of relief to see it embedded in the rich soil rather than one of the flowers he’d been caring for, even though it wouldn’t have been too big of a deal.

The owner of the spear barged through the doorway, shouting cheerfully.

“Asgore!! I think I’m ready to kick your ass!!!”

“Oh? Howdy, Undyne! You found me just finishing watering these flowers.”

Undyne was getting taller, and her hair longer, thrown into her usual messy ponytail. Her casual outfit hadn't changed very much, but she had been getting into those large but cute boots lately, mostly to make sure her feet didn’t hurt walking through Hotland. But she sure had a lot, for some reason.

“So, Undyne? Are you ready for your next lesson?”

She grinned. “Sure thing, Asgore!! But ONLY if I can't beat you!”

Asgore raised his eyebrows, interested. “Hm? You want to try to fight me again?”

Undyne pumped her fist up. “Yeah!!! I’m gonna knock you down for sure!! And then we can have tea and pie afterward, right?”

Asgore chuckled. “Of course!” He stood up, unequipping the watering can, his armor already equipped. Turning around, he initiated the FIGHT, and the room blinked to black and white.

Undyne attacked first, like always. She summoned spears, spinning twice before diving at Asgore, who dodged them easily.

*MISS

He stroked the air, sending wave after wave of fireballs at Undyne, close to singing her.

*MISS

Undyne gritted her teeth and sent large spears from the floor upward, forcing Asgore to jump from side to side in order to avoid them.

*MISS

Asgore knew Undyne was only trying to lure him into relaxing, if only a tiny bit, before she went all out. That was why he was smiling as he created more waves of fire magic, this time faster, while Undyne picked up the pace quickly.

*MISS

Instead of being frustrated that Asgore kept dodging all her attacks, she had a glint in her eye when she slashed her spear at Asgore, who didn’t noticed the energy coming from it until it was too late.

{Kindness overload

Asgore’s feet were immediately rooted to the ground, and he was suddenly faced with a barrage of spears coming from all directions. He summoned his trident of red magic, blocking the spears with his own weapon.

This wasn’t the first time he had been under the effect of green magic, but it was the first time he had seen it used as Undyne was using it. Green magic was usually used in healing and medical practices, holding an injured patient still while healing them.

But when Undyne was using her green magic, she was actively restraining the healing components of the magic, using it to keep her target still so she could attack it! Asgore was beaming inside the more he thought about it.

It was very difficult to block the entire barrage of spears, even for Asgore, so much he didn’t notice as the green magic silently slipped away.

{Kindness overload end

He realized he could move again when Undyne had already surrounded him with circle after circle of spears, diving towards him. He weaved in and out, quickly sliding between the spears while they struck the spaces he was seconds before.

He was growing exhausted, knowing that she was putting everything she had into this turn. The spears stopped spinning and cut to the part where they chased Asgore, getting faster and faster, and the whole area became a cloud of spears, Asgore in the middle of it all, dodging as quickly as he could.

Suddenly, it all disappeared. And he had just enough time to turn to see Undyne leaping toward him, shouting.

“NGAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Undyne shoved him with her whole body, knocking him down with an “Oof!”

*87

The grin she had on faded when she saw Asgore on the ground. He had been nice to her, put up with her hot head, even trained her. He had been like…a father to her. And seeing him on the ground, just made her feel really…bad.

“Shoot, um…I’m really sorry, Asgore.”

She looked for any annoyance or anger in his face while he picked himself up, but there wasn’t any. He was…beaming?

“Undyne, you did it!”

He grabbed her by the shoulders, happy tears in his eyes.

“You knocked me down! You believed you could do it, and you did!”

Asgore pulled her into a huge hug, going on and on about her attacks and how she made her own style from her training with him and her training by herself, her small shock quickly wearing off, and a huge grin painted her face.

“Hell yeah!! I’m glad too, Asgore!!!”

}~÷~÷~÷~÷~÷~{

After spending about a half hour cooking and baking the butterscotch pie, making a mess and telling jokes all throughout, Undyne sat down at the table. She dished herself a slice and snuck a bite while Asgore used his fire magic to boil the tea, quickly and expertly like he always did.

He returned with the teapot and two teacups, pouring the fish-shaped one first and then the other, decorated with pictures of flowers.

He had unequipped his armor and changed into his favorite sweater awhile ago before they had started making the pie, which turned out very delicious! It might have been the happy events surrounding the pie that made it all the sweeter, though.

Asgore still seemed sadly dissatisfied with the way the pie turned out for some reason.

Undyne thought she heard heard him whisper, “It's still not like how she used to make it,” before he gave a small shake of his head and continued to eat.

“So,” Asgore started between sips of tea, “How did you learn that green attack? I know it's your dominant soul trait, but never in all my years have I seen it used like that.”

Undyne gave a huge grin, partly due to her pride at discovering something new, but also at Asgore's genuine curiosity, though of course she wouldn't expect anything less from him.

“Yeah! I wanted to practice some more back home, so I asked Gerson to help me train too! He fought in the war, too, so he'd be able to help me get stronger too!

“He has a lot of strategies to use in battle, and I've been able to use elements of both yours and his training to formulate my own!!” She shoved another bite of pie in her mouth. (mmm…)

Asgore's eyes lit up. “Ah! I'm glad he was able to help you. Gerson may be quite old, but he did fight in the Great War, and long before that. And I suppose if anyone were to know about that kind of use of green magic, it would be him,” he said, nodding.

Undyne sipped her tea a bit before grinning again. “Actually, I came up with the green attack on my own!”

Asgore listened, wide-eyed, as she went on. “So, I was practicing with one of the dummies outside of my house, trying to figure out how to get you to keep still, so you couldn't dodge my attacks, right? One of the ghosts was helping me, too. Anyway, my neighbor Napstablook came to get me, and they told me that one of their friends got hurt, and I was the closest person he knew of who knew green magic.” Asgore nodded and carefully sipped his tea as she continued. “So I went to help and found his cousin trying to get a Woshua to calm down, she was running around, wailing about her wounds and how they weren't sanitary, or something like that. So I turned Woshua’s heart green, and it stopped moving. And when I was healing her, it hit me! I could use my green effect as an attack, and get you to stand still so you can't dodge!!

“So then I went to Gerson, I wanted this to be a surprise, and he helped me modify it so it would only keep the target still, but not heal them!” Her expression turned a bit more serious and she continued to wonder aloud. “You had a weapon to block my attacks, though. Not everyone would have one, so I'd need to figure out how to give them something to defend themselves with…”

Undyne looked up at Asgore again, her eye determined. “It'll be a while before I can make it perfect. But I just came up with it, so that's okay, right?”

Asgore smiled and nodded. “Of course, Undyne. It takes lots of time and practice to be able to master an attack, and even more so for a fighting style. I am very proud of you that you are taking the necessary steps for mastering it, and I haven't even started teaching you how! Your father would have been proud, too, you know.”

Her face fell, if only a little, and she sighed. “Yeah. I would have, if he was…still around.” She smiled sadly. “Oh well. It had to happen eventually, right?”

Asgore watched her carefully, silently making a decision. “Undyne, may I ask you something?”

She looked up and grinned. “Ok! Shoot, Asgore!”

He took a breath.

“How would you like to join the Royal Guard?”

Undyne drew a sharp breath.

Asgore quickly continued, “I understand if you don't want to, knowing how your fath-”

He was interrupted by Undyne leaping out of her chair, shouting, “NGAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” She leapt over to Asgore and suplexed him, just because she could, and held him high above her head. (WhO-A!)

Undyne shouted, “HELL YES I WOULD!! I want to be just as strong and cool as my dad! Maybe I'll even become the Lead of the Royal Guard someday!!”

Asgore, a bit flustered by being up in the air, continued, “You'd have to train some more under the Guard, but yes, Undyne, I believe you have what it takes to be a wonderful Royal Guardswoman. Your father would be very proud, as am I.”

“YEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

(And if you don't mind, I'd like to be back on the floor again.)

“Oop, sorry.”

[stillebesat]

(1/?) HI HELLO I'M IN YOUR ASKBOX NOW (ilovereadingandilovebreathing is my writing side blog lol) Like I wasn't prepared??? To feel so many Roman feels??? Like normally, I don't like or care about Roman, but lately, esp. after re-watching the Moving On vids, I've been SLAPPED with Roman feels. So that was just. When he said "I'M DEAD" or whatever I literally almost cried like oh my god I wasn't ready. But it was all SO good+so well-written+I loved the imagery+symbolism w/ the dragon and demon AH

(2/2) HAHAH It’s okay. I haven’t made myself feels super feelsy yet, but it’s mostly because I’m too afraid to write fics that will make me cry while writing them lol WELL GOOD because it’s literally SO FREAKING GOOD like normally stuff like the ba-dums is kinda cheesy to me but you integrated them so well that they actually flowed in with everything and I just? Am still so impressed?? And the whole princey tribute at the end just made me heart explode that was so sweeeet UGH it was all just A++

lol Well Hi over here too! :D 

Excuse me while I randomly do an authorfreakoutgushingthing. ^^;;; (cus I apparently like to write or something. ^^;;)

I literally spent like 48 hours wrestling with this story idea because I DID NOT WANT TO WRITE IT AND HAVE HIM BE DEAD, but the idea would NOT leave my head and that line would not leave my mind so I finally just went for it and gah….I was an emotional wreck at work (though you wouldn’t have known because yay acting) like the entire time I was working on this story. 

-So I totally get your reluctance to write things that make one cry because I am totally the same way. (yet I did it to myself anyways *shakes head*)

^^;;; I’m so glad you liked the demon/dragon heart symbolism. ^^ It was a rather fun idea that came into being late in the game and I just love the imagery and the whole scene and ah. *gushes some more* I want someone to draw it because it would be so cool to see!

^^ Seriously, I am glad that you liked it and the story and that the writing flowed and the story flowed and that the ba-dums flowed well (because I was trying to decide what ‘heart sound‘ to use and just finally went with that one so I could do the heartbeat/drumbeat comparison.) ^^;; and yah. It’s relieving to know that the story just all came together and the reader could enjoy it and just immerse themselves in the story and that everyone’s had such a reaction to it. ^^ :D Just. Yay. Sooo much Yay. ^^;;

This whole ask has just made me sooooo happy. So thanks for taking the time to write more to me!! ^^ I’ve really enjoyed it.

[voxvulgi]

&&&

send ‘&’ for 3 blogs i recommend

So, 3 times 3 is nine. Here goes:

@ribbedxgloves

I’ve known Ari since before Hailey came to life. She’s known me since I was king of the smols and will hopefully continue to be my friend and write with me until a terrifying global virus do us apart. (I sure hope that’s never!) She RPed with Dawn briefly and then took my Hailey and turned her into a real Disney princess. Not only that, but she brought Althea back to me, helped me make Adonis, and fuels my creativity every time I speak to her. She’s an amazing writer, and even better plotter, and an even better friend.

@elysiahellfire

MY SATANMON ROLL. I’ve known Vee even longer, and she’s the reason Zoran developed into a round character and is still good and around. She stuck with me through the time where I was smol and a newbie who knew nothing about RP manners (thank you to the moon and back; oh my goodness how did you deal djksnhadosijfo). She’s there when I need her, and more importantly, not there when she knows she needs to be elsewhere. Vee is an example I hope to imitate as I grow. She’s an amazing role model. You’ll almost never guess how she managed to make such wrecked muses with how well she has herself together. She’s a master time manager and a master writer. An absolute damn snail, but nothing good ever came out of haste (i’m looking at you sara what a nerd). Every time a reply posts, I have to take a moment to wonder how I came upon such a wonderful partner.

@floralgardenswitches // @aworldfullofmuses // @dysfunctionalmasons

MEL IS MY WIFE. She’s such a lovely cinnamon roll, all enthusiasm and love and talent. I haven’t RPed with all her muses yet (there are sO MANY HOW DO YOU EVEN MANAGE OHMYGOD) but if I get the chance to, no way I’d say no. They’re all so different and seriously amazingly thought out. Mel’s writing is so PERFECT and I get too excited not to reply as fast as I can because she also thinks up such amazing storylines and creates the best character dynamics. I love her with all my heart

@anomaliies // all the other blogs

I know I’ve said this a million times, but Savvy is my beautiful, talented, insightful, amazing smol twin. She has the most beautiful soul and can breathe life into any character she writes, canon or not. (Honestly, what’s the difference?) Her portrayal of canon is even better than actual canon, and her OCs, though I haven’t gotten to RP with all of them yet, are AMAZING to put it lightly. I love hearing her talk about them, I love writing with them, and I love every time I check my notifications to find a reply from her. She’s an amazing RPer and a very hard-worker in general, and I’m beyond glad I met her.

@warrioroflondonbelow

CHRISTINE IS THE SWEETEST. Hands down. I mean, I have a ton of sweet friends but??? I can’t? I just can’t???? She’s so full of love, always throwing comments and memes at me, always up for new ideas and any general rambles. I love the brief chats where I just get to know her better. I love every thread we have, even the ones we lost, and I endlessly want more. I haven’t even read Neverwhere (YET!!!) but I’m already so very in love with Richard Mayhew because of this amazing RPer’s representation of him. She gets into his littlest quirks and loves to break him down in many situations to explore his character, and if that isn’t good character study, I don’t know what is. I love you, Hannah!!!

@growinguphartless

I’d just leave this here and say “NERD” and move on, but even the endearment “nerd” wouldn’t do Mary justice???? I’ve first seen her RPing with one of my partners, and I was a little intimidated by her because she’s so perfect and her muse was so perfect and I was (and still am obv) a potato. But me, the potato, finally approached her at some point, and MAN DO I NOT REGRET IT. She’s so easy to talk to, easy to explore characters with, easy to hypothise with, and so dAMN EASY TO CRY WITH??? IF SHE TELLS YOU I AM NOT CRYING FOR AT LEAST 50% OF OUR CONVERSATIONS, SHE FUCKIN’ LYIN’. Dudes, I just love Mary and talking to Mary and don’t get me started on her OCs because OH MY GOD. If the love she gives them was sugar, they’d all be dying of diabetes rn. Not even insulin will help them. Nothing will. They’re so well-rounded and thought-out and so very very very LOVED by her that it’s difficult not to love them yourself and I. Just. Cannot. Bye.

@dangerous-smoll

Wanik and I met when her lovely muse Nita killed Hailey’s brother. It was a full moon, very spooky, so many ghosts, very cold. I saw the Flying Dutchman that day. Actually, that’s not how we met, but the time I first saw her, and I’m very glad that I did and that we approached each other because oh mY GOD. I don’t even know how to put it into words. Wanik puts so much work into her muses, her threads, her blog in general. And she gives so much love and attention to her partners it’s like…HOW? How do you manage to be so nice and supportive and run such a lovely blog with such a great variety of such deep muses? I die.

@the-storm-within-me

My Eve???? My love???? My beautiful bundle of awesomeness? How do I even explain how much I admire Eve???? She’s an amazing human. Nika is amazing. Nick is amazing. Eve and her interactions all bring me joy (and pain let’s be real) because she portrays such amazing, loving and caring muses who have their flaws and quirks. And the thing is??? You can’t even help but love them WITH their flaws and quirks?? Because they’re the perfect combination of characteristics. Honestly, they have the positive traits people admire and the vices people love. I wish I can meet Eve, Nika, and Nick in person. But for now I guess I just have to settle for tHIS AMAZING WRITING THAT I DO NOT DESERVE.

@endlessdrifter

Do I really need to do this again? I mean, if y’all didn’t hear me the first 9732481273 times: Dave is awesome in all the ways that count. Purely fantastic writing. He always gives me something to work with (even the times I suck and give him nothing to work with lmao) and something that surely gets a response from my characters. His muses are endless (ba dum tss!) and all distinct and unique and so very loveable. I love even the ones I haven’t met yet (because obv) and treasure the ones I have. You can rip Scoot, Jorge, Asher, Dane, Ray, Max, and Luke from my dead cold fucking hands. Lastly, if you’re ever in the mood for good conversation, definitely hit up Dave. (Unless you burped and want a high five. Apparently, this guy believes in ETIQUETTE OR WHATEVER.)

Bonus for the people who really love nice things on their dash (also did you really expect me to recommend only 9 blogs wtf guys???):

@altrxistisms

LOTTIE PATOTTIE MY BABY. This girl is under my protection, and so is my baby Jolie. I may have -1 fighting skills but you have to get through me if you wanna do so much as look their way, okay??? Okay. Now that we’ve cleared this up, I just need to stress the fact that Lottie (mun) and Jolie (muse) are the most precious people in the world. You’re gonna fall in love with them whether platonically or romantically. They’re gonna bring light to your life because they’re literally stars that fell from the sky and since they can’t bring happiness to heaven anymore they have to bring it to you.

@cupido-periculosa

Cip, I’m pretty sure I talked to you more than anyone else in the past few days, and you can honestly blame this on Vladimir Tod and his antics. But you have to blame THAT on yourself and D’Ablo because you had me go back to the bookstore and buy the box set after explicit instructions from my mom not to buy anything. I’m young, dumb, broke, and emotional because of you. (And Adonis is just young, dumb, and emotional. And let me tell you that choosing Dan Stevens as an FC for D’Ablo is probably the best thing anyone did ever. You know, right after that other thing you did where you breathed life into an underrated middle school villain and made him one of my favourite fictional characters of all time.)

[mannentilminkardemomme]

HALLA HOMIES 🌟

I hope you’re all still recovering from last night. Thank the world that Eurovision is on tonight to take my mind off all the drraaaaammaaa (quote P-Chris).

I know that 200 followers isn’t THAT many compared to some of the other main blogs, but I’m still a smol bean, and I’m proud of my 200 since I’ve only had this blog for exactly 5 weeks. If you're sat/stood/dancing around thinking ‘Hvem er hun?’ or ‘Hæ, who dis blog?’ then I dunno, good question: T’was I that made this gif and posted this video last night :o)

Now onto the good stuff:

🌟@du-er-ikkealene You, my good friend Elise, are just !!! I love fangirling with you about SKAM and Tokio Hotel and Kensington! I also love making gifs for you, even though they’re still crap :P  Best thing about you: Always knowing there’s a lovely comment from you waiting in my inbox <33

🌟@sweetevak Emotional Overload is my second favourite OTP (after Evak ofc) That conversation we had yesterday was just LIT and thank you for helping me ‘push my way through the pain’ 😂😂 Say hi to Peggy aswell. Best thing about you: The fact that we’re able to communicate our pain to each other through the constant use of caps-lock 😂

🌟@beanievaltersen I’mma write this in Danish, because I feel that it’s important to be able to communicate in our personal/own/native languages on the internet: Håber at du har haft/har en sygt fedt tur i London!! :D Kan stadig ikke komme over hvor tætte vi er lige nu. Jeg er så glad for du kom med din “Heeeeej!👋🏼 *dis me trying to become pals and talk skam theories*“ Og vores theorier er bare de bedste, no ifs no buts no coconuts 😂 Det bedste ved dig: At du skriver på Svensk! Nogen gang krøller det min hjerne! Men det er også rigtig dejligt for mig at lærer rigtig meget om Sverige og forskellen på vores kulturer. (Og så er du også en rigtig rar person at snakke med!)

🌟@br1skeby Jeg er glad for vi kom sammen fordi af en dum anon. SERIØST mange takker for i går aftes!! Det var sinssyg pænt af dig at sende de snaps <33 Og jeg kommer aldrig over din kommentar om sidste Fredags klip😂😂😂 Det bedste ved dig: LEVI!!! 😍😍😍 Og din makeup😍😍😍 Og dine kommentar nogengang altså😂😂

Infinitely big shoutout to @siwrenate @emmanette @ineverthoughtiwouldneedasideblog You guys are friggin awesome 🌟

The Bolds are those I LITERALLY couldn’t live without.

@agrahamofhappiness @artsyeven @alter-even @bakkoush-naesheim @betchnaesheim (Awesome German Speaker btw) @bakksana @cardamom-minutes @c-ardamom @cuddlyevak @chillerhjemmeisak @dailyhenrikholm @evenbechdaily @eivseank​ @evenbechnet @eksild @evakvaltersen @evakktrash @evenbec @elli-skam (If I could double bold this blog, then I would for eternity!!) @evenbechvaltersen @evenerikkealene @folerdetdufoler @fallingevaks

@hemrikholm @hufflpuffs @incorectskamquotes @isaks-even @isakvalty @isisisak @isaksredscarf @isaksbestpillow @isaksaltereven @isofficiallyruined @isakisalittlepuppy @isakschili @isakcutie @isaknaesheiim @iloveeven @isakoeven @isakssaetre @josteninski @julieandem @kardamomme @kroppendintrengerpotet @kardemomme-kisses @kosegruppaa @koninginnen

@leoniejulie (AMAZING ARTWORK) @littlespooneven @linneaxskam @levok @loooreleii  (AMAZING ARTWORK ASWELL) @minuttet @mikaelboukhalls @minutefuerminute @nalle @norwegianfandomtrash @nanaminhae @noorasevas @psychickittenfox @pansexualmahdidisi

@skamgif @skamedits @stayinherewithyou @skamenglish @skamdaily @skamforfaen @skamfairy  @skamisako @slut4sana @skamp3translated @skamzy @skamz @skam-addiction @sanathequeen @sanas4main @sanaandthesun @sanadefensesquad @sweetsana @skamwhoops @tarjeisandvik @tarjeiandhenrik @tinyisak @tarjei-sandvik-moe @tarjeitrash @theskamgirlsdeservebetter @tarjeiholms @v-ltersen @valttersen @vildemohns @westiris @whenitisreal @xkurtcoblaine

So many more bolds than expected. Let’s root for Eurovision and World Happiness. (I’m still not buying the “This season is the last season” thing, I just can’t let it go). GOODNIGHT and SLEEP TIGHT // SOV GODT

[xprogenitor]

                        KATHERINE’S 5TH ANNIVERSARY !!

katherine !!  ♥  friend, congratulations on making it to five glorious years in the tumblr rp community, & better yet, five amazing years playing our favorite queen, selene. it’s tough to come up with something lovely & eloquent to say here, because so much has already been said ( and because i lack lucian’s skill with pretty words  )  but -- listen, you’ve changed the face of the underworld fandom ( for the better, always ) & i am always 2000% happy about being around to witness your greatness, & being able to play with a writer and a muse who are both so thorough & genuine & well-developed. we’ve been mutuals for what feels like forever, & friends too, & i feel i can comfortably say hell fuckin’ yeah, you go partner, that’s my partner. don’t you ever dare hate on your writing in my presence, because a) that’s bullshit, stop that, but also b) you need to love your writing as much as i do, bc if you don’t, you’re wrong, and you know i’ll tell you so.

i love always being able to come at you with my random underworld thoughts -- & i’m glad now that when you made your initial faces at me three or so years ago when i laid out lucian’s survival to you, i didn’t let you shut your eyes to the way, the truth, and the light, bc look at what beauty has come out of it. from the monastery to the eastern coven; from the start of the war to the end of it, old gods & new -- we’ve built an entire world out of headcanons & backstory, and populated it with characters and feels; we’ve laid out more fandom lore than the movies have, & quite frankly they should just hire us to fix their plot holes bc we do it better anyway. i lowkey live for 3am meta & what-if storms, and i love looking down at my phone at work & seeing that i’ve got some beautifully written thing to read on my next break, or rolling over in the morning to find a response already waiting for me. we’re on opposite sides of the planet & it’s not always easy, between sleep schedules and work schedules and muses clamoring for love and attention, but we manage & it’s so, so nice, okay.

thank you for convincing me to give lucian a blog, even if he’s reticent about using it for anything but his woman; thank you for making david a blog, so that eve can listen to his music; thank you for letting asher be a brother to his commander & a pain in his vampire boyfriend’s ass ( literally; ba dum dum tiss ). thank you for being the best kind of rp partner; supportive, creative, and patient. thank you for putting up with my wall-o’ text replies, and my random periodic disappearances. thank you for letting me lovingly con you into not one, not two, but three ships in this fandom. thank you for never scoffing at any au ( any of the seven or eight ) i’ve thrown at you. thanks for hurting me & making me laugh & making me need to go take a cold shower, all in turns. thank you for being a sweetheart; thank you for keyboard smashing at me at 5am. thanks for creating your muses, thanks for loving all of mine ( every single one of those punks ) & thanks for keeping up our snapstreak, & thanks for being my friend. we love you. ♥

happy 5th anniversary, @xprodigium. 

[hannahwayward-blog]

Kolkata Day 3: Boats, Trains, and Autorickshaws

Today marks my third day in Bangalore, which means I’m almost a week behind in blogging -- sorry all! Hopefully my daily instagrams have been enough proof of life that none of you are worried :) As I write this, I’m sitting on one of the porches at my friend Arune’s flat in Bangalore, which might be the closest thing to heaven I’ve ever experienced, but more on that later.

If Arune’s flat is heaven, then hell is the Howrah train station, which was where my adventure began last Monday. I had decided to go to Dakshineswar, a temple on the Hooghly (the city’s branch of the Ganges river) north of Kolkata dedicated to the goddess Kali. During my last visit to the city, we went to Belur Math, Swami Vivekananda’s temple also on the Ganges, but hadn’t made the journey further up the river to Dakshineswar. As far as I remembered (and research confirmed this), I could catch a ferry from Howrah to Belur Math, and from there another ferry to Dakshineswar. It would be a simple trip up the river and then I would get home in the reverse. My crucial mistake was forgetting, momentarily, that this is India, and the infinite deities laugh at plans.

I took a taxi from my hotel on Sudder Street to Babughat. The ghats are entrances to the Hooghly River, and from here I could catch a ferry to Howrah. This part was easy enough, although I got massively ripped off by my taxi driver - “100 rupees only, ma’am!” for a journey that should have been 50, tops - but it was already so brutally hot outside that I didn’t care. At 9:30 AM, the heat index had climbed into the 100s, and there was no way I was walking the couple miles to the ghat. I got my ferry ticket for about 10 Rs. and was shuttled over to Howrah across the teeming, gray-green stew that is the Hooghly. It was refreshingly breezy on the water, but that came to a sudden end when we disembarked at Howrah.

If Kolkata is the surface of the sun, Howrah that day was its molten core. Even in the pre-noon hours, the sun was scorching and a thick, heavy haze blanketed the street. I tried at least five different ticket windows, but got some version of “no” from each person: either their English wasn’t good enough and my Bangla wasn’t good enough to communicate, or they told me that Dakshineswar was closed, or that Belur Math was closed, or that there were no ferries, until finally I was told by a few different tellers to take the train to Belur. Crap. I had not planned on taking a train, nor did I have any knowledge of the train system, but I hiked it across the street to the large, red-and-yellow brick train station, another imposing, and slightly downtrodden, relic of the Raj.

Like I said before, if there’s a hell, it probably resembles the scene inside Howrah station. It was indescribably hot. Even sitting down, unmoving, sweat was running down every part of my body. My shirt and pants were soaked, and my hair felt wet despite having not showered since the previous night. Large fans only served to blow the hot air around, and the station was packed wall-to-wall with people equally miserable and sweaty. Again, I tried explaining my destination at a few ticket windows before I found someone with whom there was adequate mutual understanding. I was told I was going to take a train to Belur, and from the Belur station I would have to get to Belur Math, then ferry from there to Dakshineswar. Easy enough, right?

Nope, wrong again! The first challenge  was finding my train. There were, I think, 18 different sets of tracks, with trains constantly coming and going. Almost all of the signs were in Bangla, and even though there was a time that I could read Bangla text, I still would’ve had no idea what most were indicating. I asked the “enquiries” counter for assistance, and was told that I would catch the train at platforms 1 through 5, and that I should look for “1010.” With this knowledge I headed to the sets of tracks, scouring all the signs for the numbers “1010.” Nothing. No train on the entire daily schedule was #1010, and the time 10:10 had passed so that couldn’t be it either. I resorted to asking each incoming train at the platforms if their train was going to Belur, and was met with “no” after “no.” I then misinterpreted an announcement and booked it over to platform 15, which was clear at the other end of the station, only to find that this was not my train either. Drenched in sweat and feeling quite woozy, I went back to platforms one through five and waited… and waited… and waited.

After the sweatiest, longest hour of my life, during which I was stared at, smiled at, talked at, and begged from, I finally found a conductor whose train was going to Belur. I went halfway down the plaform to take a seat in the “ladies only” car (MAJOR key when traveling alone as a woman in India) and we were finally on our way.

After a 30 minute journey, we arrived at Belur, and I followed the signs for Belur Math, which was about a mile walk away. Just so we’re all on the same page, at this point my journey had involved a taxi, a ferry, a train, and my two feet. I arrived at Belur Math and breezed through to the riverfront since I had seen the temple before, and easily found the ferry ghat. To my dismay, I realized what the tellers at Howrah had been trying to tell me. The ferries between Belur Math and Dakshineswar were closed for construction! Crap crap crap. At this point it seemed I had two options - I could take the train back to hell, or I could try to continue to Dakshineswar. Being that I had no other plans for the day, I chose the latter.

From the Belur Math ghat, I took what can hardly be described as a ferry across the river again. The small boat shuddered and the motor, in the middle of the glorified raft with a roof, spewed black smoke. I ate a banana that I’d packed, and in an attemplt to move away from the fumes, one of my fellow passengers sat on the peel, which resulted in some laughter from both of us. Again, though, the breeze was a welcome change from the steamy streets, but I was still glad to get off on the Kolkata side. From there, it seemed it was a few miles to the town of Dakshineswar, then a couple miles from there to the temple. I asked a few people how to get to the town, and kept getting “bus” as the answer, but that seemed intimidating. A couple young girls offered to share their autorickshaw with me, and after some convincing (I was worried about getting ripped off but they assured me the price of 15 Rs. was good), I climbed aboard.

At this point I was three liters of water deep, and the need to pee had become urgent. Each bump and jump of the 20 minute ride was somewhat excruciating. Finally, we arrived at what seemed to be the bus junction, which was really just a few converging dirt roads, and from there I began the mile-ish walk to the Dakshineswar temple. The walk took me on narrow, busy paths straight through a slum, and it was the first time I’d been within one. Per usual, there was staring and begging, but I just smiled and said “na” and kept forging ahead.

Finally, around 12:30 -- three hours into my journey -- I arrived at the Dakshineswar Kali temple. I paid Rs. 2 to quickly use the bathroom outside, and then had to check in my bag, including my camera and phone, and my shoes. The brick and stone ground had baked all day in the hot sun, and the heat index had reached 117 degrees Fahrenheit. My feet were searing as I dashed from shady spot to shady spot, and even the thin rugs they had laid out were small protection from the heat. I saw a group of people sitting in the shade of one of the twin pavilion flanking the temple. The temple was smaller than I’d anticipated, but very ornately carved and quite beautiful. I joined the waiting group -- apparently Kali had to rest between noon and 1:30 -- fanning away the flies that had gathered in the scorching shade.

After a bit, the temple’s side door swung open. The onlookers rushed to form a surprisingly orderly queue, and the women in the group began a strange, shrieking cry as they pressed their palms together and touched their thumbs to their foreheads. It was a little surreal, watching the faithful swarm for a glimpse of their deity. After observing for a while, I went to look at the twelve small temples across from the main building, which were dedicated to one of the other gods. Behind these, I could see a park and then the river, and so I decided to begin my journey home.

At the Dakshineswar ghat, I was told there was no ferry service except directly across to the Howrah side of the river, which would’ve meant another train ride. Unwilling to take this on, I walked back outside the temple gates, bought another water bottle, and caught an autorickshaw back to the bus junction. My intention was to take a taxi back to the city, since I was due north, but the taxi driver I spoke with was trying to charge me an inordinate amount. I asked a few others standing around if there was a metro station nearby with no success, so I haggled with the driver but was still unhappy with the price. A young Bengali man walked over to me and told me, in English, that I could take a bus to Dum Dum, from where I could catch the metro to Park Street. He and the taxi driver proceeded to argue in Bangla, presumably about the price and the fact that the young man had taken business from him, and I thanked the man profusely before availing a bus.

After a few buses passed, I finally found one headed for Dum Dum. For Rs. 9, I joined a motley crew of businessmen and washer women on the non-airconditioned bus for a 45 minute journey through the northern parts of Kolkata. Living in Kolkata six years ago, I swore I would never take a bus. Usually crammed to the gills, they barely even slowed down to onload and offload passengers, with the porters hanging out of the open doors at front and back to pull riders on and help them off. Yet here I was, squeezed onto a bench near the front of the bus, sweating profusely amongst the Indian locals. The bus was open-air and non-AC, and the heat index had reached 122 degrees -- a new record for me.

At Dum Dum, I offloaded and walked to the metro station, from which I bought a ticket for Rs. 3 and traveled 30 minutes south to Park Street. The metro cars, blessedly, have air conditioning, and since my last stint in Kolkata they had added a “women only” section in the middle of each car. I encountered two other Westerners, Irish girls who were living in the city working at an NGO for five weeks, and chatted a bit with them before getting off at my stop.

Starving, I stumbled through the crowds at the metro exit and saw the new Domino’s at the corner of Park Street, where I ( scarfed down a personal cheese pizza before making my way back to my hotel. It was a little after 4:00 PM, so the entire day had been a seven hour trek. I promptly fell asleep for 10 hours.

Was the temple worth it? Honestly, no. Probably due to a combination of the extreme heat and my lack of knowledge about its significance - although I did have a good understanding of the history of the site - I found it to be underwhelming. The pictures I had seen made it look much larger. It was beautiful constructed, and it was fascinating to see the worship of the deities first hand, but not entirely worth the hassle it took to get there. However, the real question is whether the journey was worth it, and to that I give a resounding yes. Thanks to boats, trains, automobiles, autorickshaws, and my trusty Chacos; and the kindness of the countless people who confirmed whether I was headed in the right direction when I said “Dakshineswar, ha?” and pointed, who invited me into their autoricks, who helped me haggle with taxi drivers, and who got me there and back successfully; I had made my way, alone, to Dakshineswar and back despite closed ferry routes and stifling heat. I ended the day exhausted and dehydrated, but feeling remarkably self-reliant - and isn’t that what solo travel is all about? I think so.