#i’m just a weird gay freak who has a thing for men yelling and being homoerotic

[wormswurld]

i saw a post on here saying that the cut kiss scene would have happened in the maze in which felix and his closeted queer ass would’ve called ollie a fag 🤤 absolutely salivating rn.

[wwhatev3r]

heyo! I was wondering if I could request an easy company ship? you can put me in the company if you want :)

I'm a trans guy (he/him), 5'8", I have reddish brown hair, hazel eyes, and I'm relatively athletic body wise but I have a lil tummy. I have a bigger nose due to my Italian, Jewish, and Romani decent, dimples, a phat ass (fhfhfhddjdj), and my hair is a mess of curls.

personality wise I'm the funny friend who's just kind of over everyone's bs. very snarky and quick with a joke if someone's being stupid. I'd say I'm pretty social on a surface level, but I'm only close with a few people who have earned my trust. I yell when I get mad, cry when I'm upset, and am nothing but laughs and smiles when I'm happy. my mood can change very fast because of how in tune with my emotions I am, so I'm prone to snapping on people, but I usually apologize right after and try to make things right.

my hobbies are reading, playing/listening to music, looking at hot men, and sleeping. I can play six instruments, I've always read at a high level, and I'm gayer than a box of fruit loops. speaking of food, I love cooking and eating too, hence my tummy. mac and cheese is an all time favorite and I love to bake cookies and brownies in my free time. big clothes are my favorite thing EVER and I will constantly steal clothes from people who are bigger than me. you will 100% catch me wearing a shirt that is two sizes too big in any given day.

alrighty I think that pretty much sums me up! no rush to get this done or anything <3

I ship you with...

Frank Perconte

Notes: “Oh my god, okay it's happening everybody stay calm.” OMG, I finally got to write a ship request for a boy! Literally, where have you been? It’s kinda weird that I don’t see gay men on BoB fandom, since the show is just gay men playing with guns. Ngl, you gave me a hard time, your personality is too unique for those basic ass Easy Company boys, but I think I got it…

P.S: I was between him and Christenson, since you two are very creative people. (He is so hot... jeez) 

Okay, listen to me… this was an amusement to write and I finally got someone that I ship with my short king Perconte. 

The only non basic man on that Company is Frank mf Perconte, I mean my man has his wrist with 20 wristwatches, brushes his teeth every five minutes and gets mad if he has blood on his trousers

He would have an instant crush on you from first sight

Was the moment he spotted your fat ass, jk

Can you just see the height different

He’s literally asking you with his eyes for you to please pick him up

But he does try his best to act cool and flirt with you and everything

Okay, George Luz is definitely one of your best friends, and I think you would throw snarky jokes at Bill.

Talbert tried to get into your pants too… just sayin

Once you’re dating he’s just all over you 

You’re like his prince 

I’m not sure if you can steal clothes from him because… well, you know why but he sure gives you all of them with no problem

He gets a little pissed with you eating mac and cheese

“NO! That’s not pasta, that’s American freaking noodles. I’m going to make you real pasta and you’ll see what’s good.”

Yup, he cooks for you

But if you join is even more fun, for some reason I think you two would even be a little competitive in the kitchen

✨Italian Supremacy✨

He loves to snuggle with and read until you fall asleep

Normally he is more down for books with smut but he reads whatever you like

If you snap and unload your anger or frustration on him, he makes that puppy-like expression and asks you: “Hey, what happened?”

He prefers to spend time with you when you’re down but if you need time alone he lets you rest but we will be checking on you every five minutes

“H-honey, are you better? Can I come in now? I-i made you brownies…”

Oh my god, when he found out you played six instruments!!

“You’re shitting me? Really? No way… I’m going to find them all and you’re going to play for me. I don’t care.” 

So, one of your hobbies is looking at hot men (I can relate but with girls too, can I do that a job?) so Frank would definitely love when you hype him out or when you compliment him

He instantly melts, It’s the cutest thing. 

YEAH, he plays with your curls when he’s bored or when he can’t sleep

Sometimes when you’re speaking or smiling he can’t focus on what you’re saying because of your dimples, he just finds them so pretty.

Not many people know but Frank Perconte was very sentimental and a man of very few words. 

So, he is social but sometimes he can get very quiet during a conversation and that’s when when you enter, he feels more free to be himself.

He comes to you for advice, he does it even before you started dating, and not just because they are good but also because your opinion is really important to him

I hope you like your ship request, my man Perconte is really underrated please give him some love <3

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

La Fiesta Tech and other unfortunate decisions 1: Greek House powered by hatred (Tank and Johnny)

After my last post about my general play style for university in TS2, here I come with something more specific! (aka a blog that promised to be about gameplay is finally posting gameplay)

I ran 35 Sims through college at once - the 8 Strangetown and Pleasantview teens, La Fiesta Tech premades, plus student bin families from the other two universities. In this post I’ll focus on one of the households, what their general experience was and what are my headcanons about it.

Now, I don’t have the save file anymore. The neighborhood succumbed to corruption just a rotation after, so I restarted. It was a learning experience and now I know to run HoodChecker after every rotation and to batbox gossip memories frequently. However, I’m over it and enjoying my new hood even more, I just thought I write a short disclaimer that these bits won’t have any mentions in future posts. But my interpretation of the characters still stands and doesn’t change regardless of save files.

Anyway, let’s get down to business!

...to defeat Academic Probation.

When Johnny Smith signed up for an assignment to establish and lead a Greek House of his own, he was overjoyed. Even more so when he saw the name "Grunt" as his assigned partner.

Founding a Greek House with Ripp? AWESOME!

But... the Grunt in question wasn't Ripp...

No. It was the a**hole Grunt. They’ve already been living in one dorm (with like 14 other people) and the place was a battleground.

To be fair, Johnny and Tank didn't just fight and nothing else. Yes, fighting was like 90 % of how they usually spent their time together but there was something else...

Chess.

In this particular game Johnny had become surprisingly fond of chess and frequently rolled the want to play it.

Chess has always been Tank's favorite game.

They played quite often and it was one of the rare times they were having fun together and actually talked instead of yelling.

But are a few games of chess enough to earn one forgiveness for a teenhood of nastiness and abuse?

In Johnny's eyes rightfully not.

He had to admit the a**hole is quite chill when he's not being a total d*ckhead but that didn't change anything about the fact that Tank had been terrible to him for no good reason ever since forever and he hated him for that.

Those feelings... weren't completely mutual.

College was Tank's awakening. He found himself away from his father, away from prying eyes that would judge him for not being perfect and for the first time in his life, he felt quite free.

And empty. And alone. He realized he had no friends and that the only person who truly liked him was his father and he would most probably stop if he ever learned of Tank's inner world.

He decided it was a high time for a change.

But habits aren't easy to break, especially if they're the only thing you know. Tank had never learnt to relax around people, never learnt to talk to them just to get to know them, never learnt to express himself, never learnt how to make friends.

Why, he had never needed to! They would have been a weakness, an unmanly stain of lollygagging on his consciousness. He was taught that friendships form themselves on the battlefield and it's a waste of time to try to create them otherwise.

It was quite awkward when he started approaching Ripp in attempts to mend their relationship. Tank has hurt Ripp in the past, he actually treated them quite horribly, fueling his own confidence from being the older, bigger, stronger one and from their father approving of such behavior.

Their father has never said it out loud but it has always been simply there that Tank was the superior one. More obedient, stronger, faster, more masculine. Smarter, even! How could Ripp with an attitude like theirs, with their lousy academic results even compare to by-the-book and hardworking Tank?

Yet it was Ripp who was seemingly happier, like they didn't even care about father's disapproval or the pressure of being the offspring of a venerated general. Tank realized he admired them for that. They did things Tank wouldn't even dream of. They didn't hide who they were.

Forgiveness... forgiveness isn't easy to attain. But Tank was determined to try anyway. At the very least he would stop causing any more harm to his sibling in the future.

It wasn't that straightforward with his new alien roommate, though.

Johnny was special. First he despised him because his father taught him they were inherently dangerous and invasive, they needed to be driven away. But that got quickly buried under memories of aggression and hostile experiences. It was by all means Tank who started it and Johnny was only fighting back but that didn't matter deep in Tank's head, his brain had connected Johnny to unpleasant, awful things regardless.

But he was also the most... attractive person Tank knew. Tank couldn't help himself. He wished Johnny Smith wasn't an alien, so they could've been friends right from the start. He was athletic, even more than Tank, was interested in the same sports as him and was damn good at them, he has always had good grades without seemingly having to study that much, and all around, he would make such a worthy friend!

Friend. Was that something Tank sincerely had on mind when he fantasized about Johnny? (And did he do that a lot!) No. Not at all.

Ripp has long been out, proud and loud about their orientation, not denying they liked boys and girls and anything in between and beyond, and the general was giving them dirty looks and deprecating remarks for it. He wasn't outright punishing them, mainly because he expected nothing more from Ripp and knew his middle child was simply "a weirdo" but Tank was sure his reception would be even worse if he came out.

He was supposed to be the good son, after all. The heir. He was not supposed to think or do or, by the Watcher, be something his father considers perverted and unmanly. He could only imagine the horrible things the general could say to him and the thought alone was enough to make him shudder.

Once again Tank simply didn't understand Ripp. They liked girls, so the world didn't even had to know that it's not all there is to it. They could've just find themselves a girlfriend and not face any judging generals. That's what Tank would do!

But he couldn't. He wasn't like Ripp. He only ever felt attracted to other men and male-presenting people. There was nothing he could do, no way he could force himself to be any other way.

And nobody knew. Not even that girl from their high school that Tank asked to prom so that he didn't look weird. They were on amicable terms but they weren't even friends, they just helped each other out so they didn't seem like outcasts to the whole school on the prom night.

He remembered his father being elated and encouraging him to invite his "girlfriend" for a dinner soon, so he could meet the fine young lady that might just one day become his daughter-in-law.

Tank had to tell him that it unfortunately "didn't work out" and that he "needs to focus on his studies and training anyway" and the general then praised him for it.

Little did he know that his favorite son, even back then, was not only gay but had a hopeless crush on an alien boy.

Every time Tank tried to interact with Johnny and be nice to him, he got reminded of his feelings he was so ashamed of and of his fear of his father disavowing him, so he said something mean instead or didn't talk to him at all.

The only exception was chess.

Sometimes, when a game neared its end, they spoke. And they talked... casually. It was awkward and cautious but it was a conversation and it felt... good.

Playing chess with Johnny became Tank's guilty pleasure. (even worse than watching make-up tutorials on SimTube!)

Being forced by the assignment to live together for six semesters was equal parts a living hell and a dream come true.

They had a small house on La Fiesta Tech premises that they were to transform into a lively Greek House.

"This place looks like shit and smells like a prison cell. Or vice-versa?"

"You got everything you have for free, Smith. Stop bitching."

Johnny sighed and opened up a book. "Says someone whose loaded dad literally sent him money for this house."

"I thought your family was also well off. Is that incorrect?"

"We have a financial situation called None of your business, Grunt."

"Sorry for asking like a normal person."

"Nothing you do is 'like a normal person'."

...

"I quit! You're unhinged, Smith!"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I found a knife under your pillow!"

"You found -what? Why the f*ck were you looking under my pillow?!"

"I was just changing the sheets. I did mine, so I thought I'll do yours, too!"

"Why the f*ck would you change the sheets on MY flipping bed?"

"Because you are a disgusting manchild and it stank."

"I was gonna change them tonight! And, guess what!"

"What?"

"YOU also have a knife under your pillow!"

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do, liar."

"How do you know that?"

"I saw you put it there yesterday, you galaxy brain. The question is, why the hell do you have a f*cking knife under your pillow?"

"Why do you, Smith?"

"Because I live with your ass. I sleep better knowing you can't just murder me in my sleep. Now you tell."

"Same. I've slept with a knife under my pillow ever since grade school in case a robber got to our house. I won't stop now that I live with YOU!"

"..."

"I won't kill you. I'm not a freak! Killing is wrong, even if it's parasites such as you. And, besides, I'm not stupid. If you turned up dead, I'll would be charged immediately, even if I didn't do it."

"So why do heck do you think I would kill you, Grunt?"

"I... don't know."

"Anyway, were you for real? Are you quitting? We fail this assignment but I'm chill with that if it means getting rid of you."

"No, no! I'm not going anywhere until we pass. I'm not a quitter! But if you want to quit, I'll respect that and be glad this circus is finally over."

"Fine. Are we getting pizza for dinner tonight?"

...

“I invited my family for a lunch...”

“Alright. I’ll be in the library. Or the gym. Haven’t decided yet.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want you to be here, Grunt.”

“Why? So you can all make fun of me?”

“Stop being so defensive. I want you to be here, so you can just chill with us. And my folks are gonna know you’re actually... okay.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And if you hang out with mom, dad and Jill, you’re gonna know they’re okay, too.”

“That’s not how this works. I can’t just act like we’re friends now and everything’s peachy.”

“Well, who said that? Maybe that’s exactly how it works. You never know until you try!”

“If anything goes wrong-”

“Nothing’s gonna go wrong. It’s not that deep. We’re been living together for nearly three f*cking years and had a sh*tton of time to talk. In fact, I already told them you’re my friend now.”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t use the F-word!”

Johnny laughed. “What? F*cking? F*ck? C’mon! Your dad can’t hear us!”

“No, the other one. The FR-word.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and grinned. “Go friend yourself!”

“Okay, I’ll stay for the lunch. I’ll go get my tuxedo...”

“Please don’t.”

Reaching a truce was a painfully slow and slowly painful process. Sometimes Johnny wondered if there’s even a point. Sometimes Tank wondered if it wouldn’t be better just to focus fully on his studies and forget that Johnny existed.

But they had to live together, they had to work together organizing parties and happenings in order to grow the Greek House. They had to speak. And when the exams drew nearer, the only person who was available for evening study sessions was usually the other.

What did they study anyway?

Tank rolled the want to major in Drama while Johnny studied Political Science. Tank has never told his father the truth of what his field of study is and knowing his father has access to the university's statistics and probably could fact check that in Tank's house there lives a Drama major and a PolSci major, he pretended he's doing Political Science and Johnny is the one majoring in Drama.

When the general came for a visit to attend Tank's graduation, Johnny played along with his lie.

The relationship between Tank and Johnny improved drastically over the three years. They still weren't exactly close friends but were healing with a prospect of a friendship further along the way.

Were they romantic with one another?

No. Johnny reciprocated Tank's attraction and maybe something could happen in the future but Johnny fell in love autonomously with somebody else.

With a different Grunt, to be exact.

(typing angrily)

Anyway, even though Tank's crush on Johnny ended up futile, it was still a great experience for him.

In college, Tank Grunt really flourished, despite the initial struggle. He realized a lot about himself and started working on his social skills and repairing his relationships.

He also found a friend in none other than Ophelia Nigmos and she became the first person he ever came out to.

Plus, he was the most academically successful Sim of the whole 35 students I played, being the only one who graduated with a flawless 4.0 GPA.

Unlike Ripp, Tank returned back to live with their father and Buck for the time being. He was expected to enter the army and needed a place to be. Moreover, the general was vocal about choosing him as the heir who inherits the Grunt house someday, so it was simply right for Tank to go back and live there.

Was it? Wasn’t it?

Tank was definitely having second thoughts.

He didn’t wonder anymore if military was the right career path for him. He knew it wasn’t.

But was he ready to let the world know who he really was?

[piratefalls]

A McDanno rec list for a new friend. (These are also authors I enjoy, so consider this a blanket rec list.)

The Bareknuckle Poet by pleasebekidding

After a serious accident left Steve temporarily wheelchair-bound, working towards his recovery, he enrolled at Rutgers for a year. He met Danny Williams in his criminology course, wearing pride pins and chipped black nail polish, so sure of himself that Steve found it breathtaking. What happened next redefined Steve's sense of self, his ambitions, and many of his priorities.

Tax Benefits by renecdote

“Everyone already assumes we’re married so maybe we should just...” Danny gestures broadly with his beer. He’s maybe a little bit… Not drunk, but definitely tipsy.

“For the tax benefits.”

Danny gives him an aggravated look. “Yes, Steven, for the tax benefits.”

Danny (jokingly) suggests they should get married. Steve takes him seriously.

ua kaha aku la ka nalu o kuu aina (the surf has pressed upon my land) by icoulddothisallday, TetrodotoxinB

Steve knows, he learned, how a man behaves. He can play his part. Danny, who is a good man and great father, looks nothing like what Steve was taught. Reconciling the two means giving up everything he's clung too for the last two decades, and there's nothing about it that's easy.

*potentially triggery AF (deals with effects of conversion therapy) but beautifully rendered

the art of leaving and saying goodbye by Verasteine

2007 is the year Danny learns that choice can be the worst kind of heartbreak. AU.

*warning for infidelity (not mcdanno)

in jest by apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

not just friendship (romance too) by earthquakedream

Steve's gone and gotten himself a boyfriend. Danny's not sure what worse: the fact that he's stupidly jealous or that he actually likes the guy.

All I Ever Wanted (It Comes with a Price) by leviarty

Steve gets shot. Again. Danny is not okay.

* warning: a young grace shoots someone to protect both herself and a gravely injured steve

After All Our Troubles, We Have This by Banshi13

"I'm ending this," McGarrett muttered after a few moments of silence. "I'm not coming back until Wo Fat is in the ground. I'll dig his own grave and bury him myself if I have to, but my father is dead, my mother is running all over the world in hiding, my sister and I were uprooted from our lives, and now he's got Danny locked somewhere in a basement in the middle of Japan." He looked both Chin and Kono in the eye, deadly resolve in his eyes. "This ends. Now. This is the absolute last time that man interferes with my life and my family."

The Other Guy by haldoor

Danny tells Steve what he thinks is a funny story from when he attended Grace's school play. Steve doesn't think it's so funny; in fact, it makes him jealous.

Strapped by stellarmeadow

Steve's determined Danny's going to be prepared next time.

Warm to the Touch by veronicaluv

Danny didn't think twice about going to North Korea to find Steve. He just didn't know everything would go to hell when they got back.

Me and my heart (We got issues) by SquaresAreNotCircles

“I’m in love with you, Steve,” Danny says. He does it softly, quietly, laying the words into the darkness of Steve’s backyard like they’re something breakable, something to be tiptoed around. “I thought you should know.”

Steve’s heart jumps. It rams against his ribcage so hard it’s going to leave bruises. So hard he startles awake, and he almost yells before he realizes he’s outside because he fell asleep in one of the garden chairs in his backyard again.

how to be gay for your best friend in ten easy steps by commatme

See, the thing is that Danny doesn’t really do gay sex, what with being straight and all, but when Steve says I love you he sounds so earnest he makes Danny want to consider it. Which is crazy, right? He’s pretty sure that’s crazy, or at least a little unhinged.

It’s Not So Easy Caving In by paradis

The one where Danny used to be a heroin addict.

blame it on the ocean view by carryokee

Danny gives in, freaks out, and comes to his senses.

So Have I Loved You by Brumeier

In which Grace has a surprise for Steve's birthday and there's not a dry eye in the house.

take it back to a couple years yesterday by itsrosencrantz

Danny really, really doesn't want to go to his twenty year high school reunion.

Steve decides they're going anyway, and Danny takes it about as well as you'd expect.

View From The Shipwreck by flowerfan

Danny Williams isn’t in a great place – he’s a reluctant transplant to Oahu and an outsider at HPD. Former Navy SEAL Steve McGarrett isn’t doing much better, having suffered a career ending injury. When Danny’s young daughter Grace wanders into Steve’s bar after getting lost on a school field trip, Danny is drawn to Steve, somewhat against his better judgement – he’s got enough on his plate. He’s not exactly sure what Steve sees in him. As they spend more time together, Danny learns how Steve’s injury has changed his life in many ways, but not the most important ones. As one thing leads to another, Danny realizes that things might be looking up after all.

True North by lavvyan

“Tell you what, my dad’s throwing his annual Christmas Ball on Saturday. It’s not a trip to Aspen or anything, but it is nice. Fancy food and everything. You guys should come!”

On the trail of a suspected war criminal, Steve and Danny have to go undercover at a fancy ball. The sacrifices they make for the job.

Oh, and Steve's pining like the taiga. Nothing new there.

outside the lines by withoutwords

“I’m Detective Williams.” Danny says, not trying too hard to keep it smug free. “This is my partner, Detective Mackenzie.”

Ken Doll keeps his arms up, his eyes flickering between them all as if he's only seeing police for the first time. “Good cover,” he tells Danny, and it sets Danny’s teeth on edge.

“This is the part where you say sorry for assaulting a police detective, for compromising an investigation, and for acting like a complete asshole while doing it,” Danny growls, about to change his mind and cuff the guy himself.

“Sorry, Officer.”

The bastard is still grinning.

Boys Like Me, We Try Too Hard by romanticallyinept

Steve's always wound so fucking tight.

And Danny's worried about him. Legitimately worried about him. Because maybe Steve always lays into the perps a little hard, and maybe he follows his own rules and his own morals and doesn't stop to sleep unless his body's actually shutting down around him, but usually, Steve's okay at the end of the day. Usually, Steve's not leaning against the wall of the alley they're in, eyes closed and shaking, with the perp he'd cuffed a minute earlier lying on the ground and crying about his broken nose.

Steve keeps a secret, and Danny does his best to patch him back up when it comes to light.

Transformative by boxparade

“You know, I’d heard you’d changed a lot after high school, but I’ve gotta admit, this is a little weird.”

* trans (FTM) Danny

All the Way by VictoriaAGrey

Danny has lost count of how many times he and Steve have used the sexual tension between them for undercover work, only for it to be bottled away after the op is over. With Saint Michael as his witness, that ends tonight.

Nocturne in C# Minor (featuring Stevie Ray Vaughn) by minor_demimonde

So, to recap, Danny has beautiful eyes, great shoulders, a pleasantly-shaped butt, a delectable mouth, expressive hands, and he smells good.

You know, Steve has gone to bed with women who didn’t have that much going for them.

seen it in the flight of birds by Siria

AU from the beginning of Season 2. The Five-0 task force has been reinstated, but the new governor's determined to shake things up. Facing changes and unexpected betrayals, the team has to work together to face new challenges.

It Ain’t Me Babe (Nah), It Ain’t Me You’re Looking For (Babe) by tourdefierce

A story in which Danny makes lists and can't find his heterosexuality underneath all his homogay, Steve has a lot of faces, Kono is perfect in every way and Chin continues to keep Hawaii safe from the Five-O's general disfunction—Or, a story about Kono being awesome and how she likes her men with hearts in their eyes for each other.

Ratios, Decimals, and Percentages by fuchs

In which Steve takes an internet quiz and slowly loses his mind. Danny's okay with it.

Let’s Dance Like We Used To by AndreaLyn

There isn't a world in which Danny wouldn't go after Grace. So when Rachel moves the family to California, Danny goes with. Steve gets left to process life without Danny.

Gunfire, Rainfall, and Beach Erosion by thegrrrl2002

Steve and Danny are kidnapped. After which there is too much swimming and too much rain and it's all very romantic. If you are Steve, that is.

Moving In (To Every Single Aspect of Danny’s Life, Including the Boring Bits like Dry-Cleaning by westgirl

It felt wrong for Steve to sound unsure of his place in Danny’s life. His place in Danny’s life was at Danny’s side, driving him slowly insane. Steve should feel secure about that.

Always Known What I Wanted To Be by mickeysixx

Grace Williams has always wanted to be a cop.

The Taper Phase by popfly

It’s like being run over by an armored car, like the impact of gunshot to tac vest. The pride Danny feels for his daughter and something else, something about Steve’s tank top sticking to his stomach, the way his shorts stretch across his thighs. The goofy grin that lights up Steve’s face when he sees Danny and Charlie, waving one hand while he nudges Grace with the other.

Pitching Woo by SBG

In which Danny pitches (and then accidentally catches) woo.

clue: four letters, ‘is a many splendored thing’ by armillarysphere

“Crosswords? What are you, sixty?”

“They stimulate brain activity, Danno. You ought to try it sometime.”

Steve doesn’t even look up from his newspaper, half-chewed pen resting at the corner of his mouth in an entirely too distracting way.

That’s Not Just Friendship, That’s Romance by thismuchmore

Danny and Steve start out accidentally dating each other, and it turns into something more.

it’s not what you’re sure of (it’s what you don’t know) by somehowunbroken

Art thief Steve McGarrett and his team come up against FBI Special Agent Danny Williams, and things spin wildly out of control from there.

Same Deep Water by JiM, kalena

This isn't the first lifetime Danny's been in Hawaii. When the stress ratchets up, the dreams get more and more real. Turns out Danny has some unfinished business . . . with Steve.

Warning: Ambien use may lower inhibitions in a wakeful state.

Curiosity Didn’t Kill This Cat by unadrift

"I'm confused," Rachel says. "Are you two dating or not?"

Danny sighs. "You remember that thing with the cat in the box? The one that's both dead and alive?"

"Schroedinger's cat?"  

"It's kind of like that."

"Okay," Rachel says. She clearly has no idea what he's talking about.

2727 Piikoi Street by imaginary_iby

The ways in which Danny makes himself at home by Steve's side, and the family he gains as the years go by. (Featuring Steve in Timberland boots and little else, and happy goofs who like to make out against the front door).

All The Earth Awaits Thee by Portrait_of_a_Fool

Steve knows all about war and willpower, but this is still the hardest battle he’s ever had to fight.

* warning: life threatening illness, no MCD

The Vertical Challenge by AlamoGirl80

Five times Danny thinks about his height, and then realizes that being "not-tall" doesn't really suck at all.

Some Things to Think About When You Decide to Be an Asshole by sutlers

Steve gets high and tries to fuck Danny; things devolve from there.

Inked by thehoyden

Of course Steve is enjoying himself. They're bait for a serial killer who has some sort of serious hangup about tattooing loved ones' names on their skin -- of course Steve thinks this is practically like a vacation, but better, because the chances of collateral damage are higher.

This Thing Of Ours (It Needs a Better Name) by leupagus

Cosa Nostra: (kō'sə nō'strə) etym: Italian n. The branch of the Mafia operating in the United States. Literally, "our thing" or "this thing of ours."

Ho’oponopono by ember_firedrake

Groundhog Day AU. Danny finds himself trapped in the same day over and over again.

Swim for Brighter Days by zarah5

Danny kisses Steve late on a Tuesday, early on a Wednesday. Steve punches him. (Set vaguely post-finale, so spoilers for that.)

All My Guards Away by sheafrotherdon

Tag to episode 1x18, with all the heartache that implies. Now with bonus fixes. With thanks to dogeared for all her suggestions and edits.

Let’s Take it from the Top by pterawaters

Steve goes along with the bachelor-party-in-Vegas, because he chose Danny to be his best man, and that's what Danny wants to do. Unfortunately, the things that happen in Vegas don't necessarily stay there.

How to Keep Your Mouth Shut by primetime

Danny’s sometimes gay. Gay, sometimes. Does dudes. He doesn’t know how to say it right. He doesn’t know how to say it at all.

Don’t Turn Me Home Again by gyzym

After a rough day of island living, Danny wakes up in New Jersey and learns the hard way to be careful what he wishes for.

End-Around by t_fic

Steve hesitates with his hand on the doorknob, looking back over his shoulder at Danny and nodding once before disappearing inside, and yeah, Danny is going to be so fucking lucky to get through this night without a coronary event.

Lonely People Do Stupid Things by waketosleep

Danny decides to show Steve the true meaning of Christmas, and does it by dragging him to New Jersey.

Down Beneath the Waves by samjohnsson

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it takes another thousand to explain it.

Love’s a Battlefield (and the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) by cyerus

The Kalakaua-Kelly clan are determined to matchmake Steve. Out of desperation, Steve makes up a boyfriend named Danny.

It doesn't quite go according to plan.

put your mind at ease by eleanor_lavish

Somewhere in the last year, while Steve was busy killing bad guys, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been erased from the books and guys like Jeff can marry whoever they damn well please.

You’ve Got Hawaii (and all I’ve got is you) by queenklu

In which Danny has issues, presents, and Steve fleas, not necessarily in that order.

Jaws by JoeLawson

Danny has a secret.

[littlemisswinchester7]

AU: Helloooo how are you all ? I hope you’re all doing fine and that you’re safe. I haven’t posted anything for a quite long time, sorry, collège is stealing my time ahah. Here is one fanfic I wrote on a break at college! Hope you’ll like it!

Summary: Sam is so done to be stuck in the middle of his brother and his angel’s constant flirting. This has to end, he has a devious plan to make them both confess their feelings.

A devious plan (Destiel)

That day, Sam Winchester had enough. The sexual tension between his stupid brother and his stubborn Angel was becoming unbearable. Yet, neither of them had the guts to admit their feelings.

Sam was powerless in this exhausting situation. He was always in the middle of those two, and every time it was like he was caught up in a couple fight. It was enough! Today he’ll break this infernal spiral because it was Toxic and heartbreaking for the three of them.

The younger brother had conceived a whole plan in his head, a truly devious plan. Since his brother was too proud to admit that he really liked Castiel, Sam will make him spit the truth by force. He’ll make him believe that he’s interested in the Angel to drive him mad until Dean loses it. Sam will play dumb like he had no idea of their feelings. That was gonna be a sweet revenge for Sam.

He will teach both of them a lesson they will be force to learn and that they will remember for sure.

They were on a vamp nest case today. Some kids went missing and people reported strange sounds coming from the street. A woman even claimed she saw a man covered in blood yesterday. Of course, the first question Sam asked her was pretty obvious.

« Miss Pratt, why didn’t you call the police yesterday then? When you saw that woman? »

As usual, Sam was staring at the potential suspect with his piercing eyes. It was like he knew everything you might possibly tell him and therefore, he was only testing you. He could either make you freak out so bad that you needed to confess right away or make you weak in the knee. I must say that either way you ended up telling him everything he needed. This was how Sam Winchester worked.

In this precise case, the woman seemed to have been the victim of the second option. She was staring back at Sam intently with shiny blue eyes. She was pretty good looking even considering the recent events which were noticeable due to the bags under her eyes. She was about Sam’s age and the hunter decided he would take advantage of the situation. He wanted her to hit on him in front of his brother so that he could nicely turn her advances down. That will definitely catch Dean’s attention.

« I guess I was scared, and I wasn’t sure of what I saw, what I think I saw. I thought nobody would have believed me. But now I realize that I should have called the police. I’m sorry. » she answered with a shaking voice.

« It’s okay, as long as you’re telling us the truth now. Was there anything weird on that woman ? Except the blood of course. Any detail could be important. »

She hesitated for a moment and then she started to talk again with an uncertain look.

« I’m not sure, but ... »

« You can tell us, me anything Aria. We will believe you. » Sam added with a little smile.

« I might be crazy but I think she had fangs, like vampire fangs »

« You’re not crazy, thank you for your time. »

Sam leaned forward to pick his phone that « accidentally » felled from his pocket and « inadvertently » knocked the cup of coffee on his way up. The cup shattered on the wooden floor and the brown liquid spread everywhere. Of course, Sam pretended it was an accident and Dean mocked his little brother for being the trouble maker for once.

« Oh my god! I’m really sorry miss Pratt, can I help you clean this mess? » Sam asked with little concern in his voice.

The woman, -whose name was Aria- had a quicker reaction than Sam and caught a napkin on the table before he could.

« Oh no no don’t worry! It happens! » She answered.

When she bent herself in front of Sam -which, Sam was certain, she did on purpose- Dean winked at his brother.

« Come on dude, don’t you see the signs? That woman is blinking like a traffic light.» Dean whispered

Sam couldn’t help a little chuckle from his throat. He couldn’t get enough of his brother and his constant sex allusions which, by the way, didn’t make any sense sometimes. The woman interrupted his train Of thoughts as she got up.

« I would have offered you another cup but, I’m afraid I’m running out of coffee. » she made a small pause as if she was scared of her next words. « But, if you like, I can offer you one » she almost whispered.

This was exactly what Sam wanted to happen. Everything was just perfect for now.

« Oh! I’m sorry but I have to refuse. It would have been a pleasure but I need to focus on the case right now. »

If Sam hurt her feelings nobody would have known.

« Right, of course. Good luck to you gentlemen. »

She then, gently directed us towards the way out and the second Sam crossed the door Dean went completely hysterical.

« What the hell Sammy? This woman wanted you and you refused? Have you seen her? We don’t have any research to do we both know that it’s a vampire nest that we’re looking for. »

Dean almost yelled.

« Yeah so? She was hot but not my type. » Sam said whilst trying to look enigmatic.

« Not your type? Are you sick Sammy? Is there anything I need to know ‘bout you ? » he said with a truly concerned tone.

« No I’m not sick Dean. I’m just not in the mood. Besides, I have someone on my mind and I can’t do that. »

There, Sam said it and Dean was now staring at him with wide eyes.

« WHAT? Who is she Sammy? Another crazy ass bitch like Ruby? » he screamed

« That was low Dean. He’s not crazy, he’s different. »

Dean stopped in the side of the road.

« A he ? You’re thinking about a he ? You’re gay? »

Dean was so surprised that it looked like his eyes would just pop out of his head.

« I’m not gay, I’m pan. »

« What is pan ? » dean asked suspiciously

« It means that I do not care about the genre of the person. I only care about the person and his or her mentality. »

« Well, okay. Who is he then ? »

« I’m not sure if I should tell you. » Sam said playing dramatic.

« Oh come on Sam! I’m your brother. Tell me. » Dean was starting to to be annoyed. Perfect.

« Okay I’ll tell you but you can’t tell anyone. »

Sam suddenly felt like a teenage boy again and he was dying of amusement inside. Dean made no answer but it was pretty clear with the look on his face that he wanted Sam to continue.

« Ok, it’s Cas. »

For a minute I though that Dean had an attack. When he finally moved again I could see a very weird expression on his face. My revelation hurt him because he finally realized that Cas was not to take for granted. As long as their relation was blurry anything could happen. If someone had the guts to make a declaration to the Angel and that the Angel accepted it Dean would be left aside. He’ll end up blaming himself because he left the only good thing in his life.

« I like him, like, really really like him. I think I might be in love with him. » Sam added.

« No you’re not. You’re definitely not In love with Cas. » Dean reacted.

« What do you mean I’m not in love your Cas? I just told you I am! And I’m gonna ask him out today. »

Dean got out of the car and slammed baby’s door. Sam followed.

« What’s wrong with you Dean ? Dammit get over yourself you can’t stand that I like an other man ? Really ? »

« No Sammy it has nothing to do with you. You can like anyone but not Cas. »

« But why ? Why not Cas ? » Sam asked again

« Because Cas is mine okay! You can’t be in love with Cas and ask him out because I do ! I won’t watch my brother kiss the man I am so desperately in love with! » Dean finally shouted.

The plan had worked. Dean had confessed his love for the Angel.

« Of course you are, and of course I’m not Dean. »

When Dean understood the meaning to that he started to cry and I thought he was about to kick my ass.

« Why did you ... why would you do this? »

« Trust me I’m helping you right now Dean. Turn around. »

Cas was there. He showed up minutes ago when he heard his name being said again and again as we were fighting. He needed to hear this too.

« You like me ? » Cas asked

« Of course I love you stupid Angel. Don’t you dare like someone else. »

« How could I ever? I love you too Dean. I thought it was pretty obvious when I saved you all those times. I even abandoned heaven and God for you, only for you. »

And so the story ends, the beautiful story of how Sam Winchester help the two men in his life to get together. We always knew you were such a fangirl Sam.

Please let me know what you think about this story and support me on Archiveofourown ❤️ my username is « ClaireMcKenzieFraser »

[what-the-fuck-khr]

do it... go off legend!!

god fanon pisses me off sometimes,,, I’m glad I’ve got people encouraging me to be petty thank you

let me make it clear that naturally, fanon is fan made. do whatever you want. but these are the things I don’t like at all and it’s in the safety of my blog so if you’re not happy, simply do not interact with this post bc I will have every right to defend myself and my opinion and I run the chance of not being nice about it

FOR STARTERS ONE THAT GETS ME IS HAYATO??? that’s IT fanon Hayato is AWFUL!!!! AWFUL. he lives in Tsuna’s basement or attic or closer bc he’s got no self respect or respect for Tsuna!! he’s SO GRUMPY and angry he has no respect for ANYONE!! but also he’s a super super big tsundere or some shit uwu. shut up shut up shut up shhhhurbrhjdjdjd FUCK ginchxjs easily embarrassed isn’t tsundere shut the fuck up! and even if he IS y’all take it SO FAR sometimes I cannot!! ohmgkgodh ohhhh my god this is the first one and I’m fuckifndjd oh my god oh my god

based on the last two posts I reblogged difnfkdjis the characters I’m talking about are Takeshi, Ryohei and Hayato respectively. for fucking starters, making Takeshi and Ryohei our to be literally so incompetent at everything they do is... so infintalizing I cannot breathe oh my good god wow. they’re not fucking stupid!!!! they have their moments it’s haha funny I know I’m like “wow look at this idiot” but like also,,, so are the other boys. I say it when they do do something dumb. by it’s quite frankly a little stupid sometimes. but wodkflfkdgsij good GOD y’all make it out like they’re BABIES?? and the sassy and mean thing Hayato’s not fuckifnfjdh HES NOT SASSY HE HAS NO WITS IN ARGUMENTS HE YELLS AND FIGHTS OFJFNJDJ GOD DAMMITITJFJ

next one is Lussuria god iskdnckdn I can feel myself getting a headache thinking about fanon Lussuria fucking STOP?? that’s it don’t even look at him!! already he’s a pretty big stereotype of gay men which is. not nice. and y’all take it even fucking further y’all make me wanna die what is y’all’s problem???? I’m???? the way y’all treat him as the biggest fucking gay stereotype (and let’s be real, drag queens too) makes me want to scream. he’s a normal fucking person what is y’all’s deal omg write him like that christ almightyyyyy

,,,,,,,,, fanon Dino and Kyoya,,,,, now y’all know my gripe with these two and their nasty ship already but wowowowowowowowowowowowow. wow. what the fuck is UP with y’all making Dino a CHILD compared to Kyoya??? HES AN ADULT HELLO?? or y’all take it a step further and make Kyoya super submissive whatrjdufifuckvjfb WHAT THE FUCK,,, I’m gonna pop off on you freaks shipping it but I’ve done that enough so I’m sparing y’all for one second christ

and on GOD just.... just fucking.... fndjsjdbdksjj Mukuro will literally gut you stop makingjdhsidnd HES NOT NICE HE ISNT!!! HE ISNT NICE HES NOT IM GONNA CRY WHAT IS YALLS PROBLEM,,,

on the fucking note of the Kokuyo gang,,, I just feel like y’all treat Ken the same way y’all treat Takeshi and Ryohei except you make him excessively angry in comparison it’s nuts?? also this is just me but I hate the damn barcode joke for Chikusa I want it to die. also M.M is mean but the amount y’all hype her up to be a beast is also nuts do we even watch the same show imdngnnfodhd

ohhhhhhhhmygod oh my god back on the fucking Takeshi and Ryohei train I’m not over it like WHY DO YALL DO THAT??? MAKE THEM INTO BABIES WHO CANT DO ANYTHING???? oh no they’re not book smart guess that’s the only way to measure someone’s intelligence! I hate y’all I hate this what the fuck,,, like on god Ryohei might be ADHD coded and I’m like wow that’s so cool I love you!! and y’all make him into a big fucking yelling toddler who can’t do Anything At All and I wanna astral project. and then also y’all don’t let him interact with his sister!! what the fuck is up with that??

in general a lot of the portrayal for the Varia is off and weird but like whatever the Lussuria thing gives me a headache as it is thinking about Bel and Fran and crap makes me wanna neck

also how y’all treat the girls is no better than the actual series just say you hate women and fuck off im tired

not to goddamn MENTION Tsuna I fuckfiocndjfb ohhh my god oh my god. oh my god. y’all are somehow LUCKY he’s the one y’all fuck up the least jesus christ y’all,,, y’all stress me out to the MAX

ALSO HARU’S NOT A FUCKING IDIOT KLUTZ SHES A GYMNAST AT SCHOOL AND IS THE DAUGHTER OF A UNI PROFESSOR AND GOES TO A GOOD ALL GIRLS SCHOOL AND HAS SO MANY TALENTS SHUT UPPPPP

[angsty-aliens]

Truck Stop Knives And Other Accessories of Childhood (2/3)

Thank you a million times to @jocarthage @foramomentonly and @haloud for the beta and brainstorming. 

Here is part 2 of what I’ve been calling my “feral stabby baby” fic. Alien tech manifests an inner child for Michael. And that inner child has a knife. You can find part one on Ao3. (CW: discussions of child abuse)

***

Alex’s cabin was a solid half hour out of city limits. Close enough to not be too much of a hassle, but far enough away to not have neighbors. It’d been a while since Michael had been alone with Alex and he tried not to let that nervousness show as he parked.

Things were good. He and Maria broke up amicably. Michael was good at pushing people away. It was a carefully cultivated skill set and eventually even though he tried to be good, it wasn’t fair to Maria. He was a mess and she deserved someone better than him. And throughout all of it, Michael and Alex tried to maintain an alliance if not a friendship. Michael didn’t have friends. He didn’t know how to be one. Closest he had was Liz, and he figured she tolerated him because he was adjacent to Max.

The kid was giving him suspicious looks the longer they lingered in the dark outside the cabin. The lights were on. Alex was clearly home. They just had to knock.

Finally the kid rolled his eyes and kicked the door.

“Hey! You could have knocked!”

Mikey raised an eyebrow, “YOU could have knocked.”

Michael’s retort was cut short by the door opening. Alex. No matter what, seeing Alex made the knot between his shoulders ease. Even when they crashed into each other and pushed on each other’s bruises, Alex still felt like home.

Alex may have been texted the sit-rep for this little alien misadventure, but it was one thing to read his ex-boyfriend had manifested an eleven year old version of himself, and another to see it. To his credit, he only gawked for a second before gesturing them inside.

“So….”

“Uh, yeah. Alex this is me as an eleven year old. Inner Child, this is Alex.”

The kid gave him a look of disgust, “Don’t call me that.”

“Liz was calling him Mikey.” Michael said.

Alex held out a hand to shake, “Michael Guerin, I’m Alex Manes. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

It took an elbow from Michael, but Mikey accepted the hand and gave his best adult impression as he shook it. “So, what happened to your leg?”

Michael’s jaw dropped, “you can’t just ask someone what happened to their leg! What’s wrong with you?!”

“What? He stands weird.”

Alex coughed, “it’s fine. Kids are curious.” He pulled up the hem of his pants to expose the metal prosthetic, “I’m in the Air Force and I lost my leg in combat.”

The kid crouched down to take a closer look and ordered, “I want to see where it connects. Show me how it stays on.”

Michael mumbled an apology, grabbed the back of the kid’s hoodie and marched him into the kitchen.

“You’re not being curious, you’re being an asshole. Stop it.”

The kid exploded in sudden anger and hissed, “YOU brought me to the house of someone in the military! Do you WANT us to be cut open?”

“He knows about aliens. He’s a good guy. No one’s getting vivisected. He’s on our side.”

The little boy threw his hands up in revulsion, “Does EVERYONE in this shitty little town know about aliens?”

“Max resurrected Liz. Apparently once you bring someone back from the dead, the secret gets out. But the people who know are Team Extraterrestrial. No one’s gonna blab to the government. We… trust them.”

Mikey sneered, “Do you?”

“Okay, Max and Isobel trust them. I trust Alex. We can trust Alex.”

“I can’t believe I grew up to be a dipshit.”

“I can’t believe I was such a little prick!”

Alex knocked at the door frame to get their attention, “you guys aren’t exactly being subtle… or quiet. Instead of yelling at each other, do you want dinner? It’s almost 7pm. I can order pizza, or I’ve got some frozen dinners we can microwave.”

The Guerins stood in the kitchen still glaring at each other.

Michael’s jaw clenched, but he broke the silent warfare, “we ate at 4 but we could probably eat again. I can also cook if you want.”

Alex opened an empty cabinet, “If by cook you mean heat up a can of soup, sure. But there’s not really anything else to cook here. I haven’t stocked up on groceries in awhile. I’ve got some microwave oatmeal packets for breakfast so no one’s going to starve to death, but we’re not gonna get a Leave It To Beaver dinner out of this kitchen.”

The kid gave a calculated look between the two men before asking, “are you fucking each other? Are we gay?”

Michael sucked in air through his teeth before stalking angrily away from the kid who was swaying on his feet in anticipation. “Alex, I’m sorry. I don’t know why he’s being like this. I shouldn’t have brought him and bothered you. We can go back to the airstream.”

Alex explained gently, “He’s poking the bear. He wants to see what’ll happen. You STILL do this so it’s not surprising you do it as a kid too.”

Michael turned back to the kid with a considering gaze, “do you want to see if I’ll hit you or if Alex will?”

Kid shrugged, “It’s Saturday. Doesn’t really matter which of you does it.”

Michael exhaled suddenly like he’d been punched in the stomach, “It’s Saturday. I can’t believe I forgot about this.”

Alex looked between the two Guerins. Michael scrubbed his face angrily. The little boy held himself completely still. Alex waited for an explanation. Michael leaned against a countertop and carefully looked at a spot on the wall. Looking anywhere but at Alex or Mikey.

It took him a minute to speak. This was hard.

“On Saturdays the religious freaks would line us all up and paddle the crap out of us. Didn’t matter how good we were. On Saturday you were getting your licks. They said it was to cover all the sins we did during the week that they didn’t catch. Because they’d whack you if they thought you were doing something wrong. But on Saturdays no matter what, no matter how good you tried to be, you were getting it. They said it was…”

The boy calmly stated, “Taking your medicine.”

“Yeah that’s right. Taking your medicine.” His jaw twitched, “Like they had to beat all the bad stuff out so on church Sunday we could be good again. We could absorb the lessons. And the man in charge of the home said children listen better on sore bottoms.” Michaels’ face twisted up, “That fucker.”

Mikey looked uneasy. Michael took a steadying breath and forced himself to remain calm, “We don’t do that here. No one’s gonna hit you here. I might yell. But no one will hit you no matter what a little shit you are. I’ll explode anyone who tries with my brain.”

The kid stared at them both, silently making calculations before nodding once. “I want pizza.”

Alex made mental plans to find out the names of these fundamentalists and completely ruin them online.

***

The call for pizza had been made, and Alex awkwardly watched the two Michaels sit on the floor methodically taking his toaster apart. He tried to insist it wasn’t broken, but Michael just made meaningful eye contact and repeated, “let us fix it.”

So now the toaster was in pieces, scattered across the hardwood floor. Alex had to admit this was the calmest he’d seen the boy. Having a task seemed good for him. And two Michaels were actually getting along, passing a phillips head screwdriver back and forth. If he had to buy a new toaster, it’d be worth it for this momentary peace.

The pizza wouldn’t arrive for a while yet, the downside of living in the boonies. His cabin did have a washing machine though, and unless Isobel made good time, she probably wouldn’t have new clothes for the kid until tomorrow.

Alex cleared his throat to get their attention, “I have a load of laundry I was going to start, and I can stick you stuff in there too Mikey. That way you have clean clothing for tomorrow. If you want you can take a shower and I can try to find you pajamas. Dinner should be here by the time you get out.”

The boy protested, “but the toaster…”

Michael began to pick up the mess, “the toaster will still be here. This isn’t a time sensitive project. No one will be in trouble if it doesn’t get fixed tonight. Clean clothes probably isn’t a bad idea. I’ve got a couple shirts that could use a wash too.”

He pulled the kid to his feet, and steered him towards the bathroom. “Alex has good water pressure and the tank is huge. Hot water for days!”

With the two house guests preoccupied, Alex started to gather clothing to wash. It was just an excuse and Michael knew it, but maybe it’d make the boy feel less awkward if he thought everyone had laundry to do. He heard the shower start and Michael exited the bathroom with an armful of clothing. The challenge was going to be finding the boy something to wear while his clothing was being cleaned. A tshirt would hang like a dress on him and preserve his modesty, but Alex doubted he had any sleep shorts with a drawstring tight enough to stay up on a child.

The two men began to load the washing machine. Michael added a couple shirts from his backpack. Alex didn’t know if they actually needed to be washed or if Michael was just trying to keep the kid from feeling weird.

“You okay?” Alex asked.

Michael dug through the kids pockets quickly and removed four quarters, a shiny rock, and a plastic bag with two pancakes inside. Deeming the clothing now safe, he crammed it in the washing machine. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Because you’re suddenly the guardian of a very angry eleven year old version of yourself who manifested from alien technology we don’t understand yet?”

Michael laughed, “yeah when you put it that way… today is a lot. Thanks for letting us crash here. We would have killed each other in my airstream. At least you’ve got a couch the kid can sleep on. I’ll take the floor.”

“What? No, you’re not sleeping on the floor.” Alex’s forehead furrowed, “You can… look my bed is big enough. We’re adults.”

“I don’t want this to be weird for you.”

“Then don’t make it weird.”

And with that statement Alex walked back to his bedroom to find the boy something to wear. When Michael followed him, he handed him an oversized air force shirt, and a towel.

Michael sheepishly handed the shirt back, “Maybe something that doesn’t have a military logo on it? Kid isn’t a huge fan of Uncle Sam.”

Another rummage through his drawers, and Alex a plain black shirt. It wasn’t quite as big as the Air Force shirt, but it was still an oversized shirt Alex used to sleep in. It should be long enough for the boy.

Michael gratefully took the items and knocked on the bathroom door in warning before leaving the towel and shirt inside.

Sure enough by the time the pizza arrived, Mikey was done with his shower and standing in the living room shifting from foot to foot. Alex knew he was eleven, but he looked smaller engulfed in his shirt. It made his heart feel tight to see Michael Guerin’s face on a child wearing his clothing. Like he’d crush anyone who ever hurt this kid.

The boy attacked the pizza, and Alex spotted a thin red mark on his thigh, peeking out from the edge of the shirt. Alex was familiar with marks like that, but his marks were always wider. Belts tended to linger. Michael Guerin was carefully avoiding his eyes, as he reached around the kid to grab his own slice. When he finally managed to catch his gaze, Michael just shrugged as if to say “shit happens.”

Alex knew that. And he knew better than to mention it to the kid. It was no secret that he and Guerin connected over shared trauma. It just felt like a punch in the gut to see evidence of a beating on a kid. It was surprising Michael wasn’t triggered to hell being confronted with his worse childhood memories in technicolor.

Alex carefully peeled his own piece of pizza off the cardboard so they could all pretend this was perfectly normal.

***

Michael could hear the thump of clothing in the dryer as he made Alex’s couch up for bedtime. He carefully tucked a sheet around the old seat cushions and layered some homemade quilts on top. The overall effect was very homey, if a little ill-matched.

The kid was still wearing Alex’s shirt like a dress and that red mark was impossible to ignore. When Michael buried his head in the closet to look for an extra pillow, Michael casually asked “do you need some neosporin?”

Mikey was still poking at the disassembled toaster, “for what?”

Michael carefully kept his voice calm and disinterested, “The switch marks. Anything bleeding?”

“Nah. Her aim just sucks. Or maybe she did it on purpose. It’s a new placement. She got my back and my legs, not just my butt.” Mikey hesitated, “Did she do it on purpose?”

Michael couldn’t pretend to fluff pillows in a closet forever. He turned around and swallowed hard, “Yeah. She really liked smacking my legs. Aimed for the lower thighs a lot, where it really hurts and where it’s hard to cover. I got in trouble in PE a lot for not wearing my gym shorts.” Michael ran a lot of miles around the track in jeans, but it was worth it to not have those marks visible to Max and Isobel. They didn’t need to know. And he wasn’t willing to risk being moved out of Roswell if a grown up figured things out.

The kid didn’t seem surprised, “How long do we stay with them?”

“Three years. We get moved after our fourteenth birthday. Single family placement instead of a group home. It was better.”

His foster dad kicked the shit out of him, but anything was better than being exorcised. Kid didn’t need to know that. “And when we’re fourteen, we meet Sanders. He’s an old dude who owns a junkyard. He teaches us to fix cars, and lets us crash on his couch sometimes. That’s where I work now. I can fix anything. We can fix anything.”

That felt important, but Michael didn’t want to make it awkward so he peeled back the covers so the kid could tuck himself inside.

“How did you know Alex was missing a leg? He doesn’t stand funny.”

The kid shrugged, “he had a fancy crutch leaning against the fireplace. Those mean there’s something really wrong. I just guessed his leg was messed up. I didn’t know it got blown up.”

Michael sighed, “Can you lay off of bugging him about it? He’s doing us a favor.”

“Yeah.” Mikey thought for a second, and then continued, “I really AM curious about the leg though. I wasn’t JUST being an asshole. I really do want to see how it all connects.”

Michael rubbed his forehead, “maybe he’ll show you later, just… can you relax with messing with him? He’s not gonna get mad and hit you. I’ve pissed him off as a grown up, and he never hit me, he’s definitely not gonna touch you.

The kid shrugged noncommittally.

“By the way, we’re bisexual.”

“What?”

Michael repeated, “You asked earlier if we were gay. We’re bisexual.”

“Huh.”

“Don’t act surprised. We had a crush on Taymon Johnson in fifth grade.”

The kid protested, “No we didn’t! He was just cool!”

Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Oh.” The boy looked like he was reassessing every hero he ever had.

“Yeah. Oh. And yes, Alex and I had a thing, but we’re just friends now and it’d be awesome if you’d cut out the ‘are you fucking’ line of questioning.”

The kid smirked, “Aren’t you about to go have a bisexual slumber party with him?”

Michael narrowed his eyes, “Yeah, a totally platonic slumber party. We’re friends now.”

The kid raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up.” Michael rolled his eyes and pulled the quilt up around the boy’s chin. People never tucked in kids like Michael Guerin. Not foster parents anyway. Sometimes if he got to go to a slumber party at a classmate’s house, a well meaning mom would also tuck him in. Once a mom kissed his forehead before she shut off the lights. He didn’t know that was a real thing that happened sometimes. Michael always assumed it was just in movies. He felt stupid when he realized it was real, it just wasn’t for kids like him.

With his stomach twisting up at that memory, Michael dug in his pocket and pulled out the switchblade he took from the kid that afternoon. “I’m giving you this back because I’m trusting you not to stab anyone, and I know you’ll sleep better if you have it. And I know you’re gonna want to go to Foster’s Ranch.” The kid opened his

mouth and Michael cut him off, “I KNOW. But the military bought it, and the last thing we need is an alien hanging out on top secret government property. Plus the hitchhiking didn’t always work out well for us. So let’s just not, okay?”

The kid clutched the knife and begrudgingly nodded.

“Go to sleep. We’ll figure out the rest of this tomorrow.”

***

Michael closed the door to the bedroom behind him. “Kid is in bed. Doubt he’ll sleep much tonight, but at least I’ve got him all tucked in.”

Alex was making puzzled faces at his laptop. “I keep looking at the glyphs on your disk. I don’t recognize most of them and we translated ‘child, memory, temporary’ but there are more glyphs on the back.” He squinted, “This may say ‘permanent.’ Guerin, I don’t know how this disk works. I don’t know what you did.”

Alex scrubbed at his hair, frustrated. With a sharp exhale, he closed the laptop and tucked it away. Michael watched Alex slip into bed and swallowed hard, “I can still sleep on the floor if you want. I’m used to it.”

“We can share. It’s fine.”

Michael tried one more time, “I could go sleep in your creepy murder bunker. That’s an extra bedroom.”

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Do you WANT to sleep in the creepy murder bunker?”

“No. It’s a creepy murder bunker.”

“Okay, so stop being weird about this and come to bed. I promise I won’t cuddle you in your sleep.”

Michael muttered under his breath, “I wish.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his boots. He unbuckled his belt and reached for the button of his jeans when he suddenly stopped. The words burst out of him, “I should have figured out the stupid Saturday thing earlier. I was in that group home for three years.” Michael turned to face Alex, “I didn’t stop getting weird about Saturdays until senior year when I lived in the truck.”

Alex watched him from his side of the bed, face still pressed against his pillow. “My dad played mind games like that too. He liked creating obstacle courses for me and my brothers. Last one to finish got his ass kicked by my dad. I’m two years younger than Flint. Unless one of my brothers was incapacitated, I was always the one who lost. Every time they had us run a course in basic training, it was like I could see my dad waiting at the finish line with his thumbs stuck in his belt.”

Alex paused, “maybe it’s good. Having Mikey here. Maybe it’s time to work through some of this stuff.”

“You sound like Isobel.” Michael shucked his pants off, and pulled his shirt over his head in one practiced move. His clothing sat in a rejected pile on the floor and he slid under the covers, Alex’s knees almost touching his thigh.

“Is she wrong? Neither one of us talk about it. We just pretend everything is fine.”

Michael turned on his side to face Alex with a huff, “Everything IS fine!”

“If everything was fine, we would have kept dating after high school and we’d probably have a dog by now. Instead I became a runner, and you like to self-destruct.”

They were silent a minute. Michael admitted, “I didn’t self-destruct after high school because of you. There were other things. You were one of the only good things in my life.”

“I know.” Alex touched Michael’s hand, rubbing a thumb across his knuckles. “You were a good thing in my life too.”

Michael closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see how his next statement landed, “you still are. You still are a good thing.”

Alex pushed his head forward so their foreheads touched on the pillows. “You are my good thing too.”

Michael exhaled, “What are we doing?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want you to stop answering a question with another question.”

Alex tilted his face and lightly pressed his lips to Michael’s. “Is this okay?”

Michael answered by cupping Alex’s cheek and pulling him in for a deeper kiss. It had been too long since someone touched him this way. Too long since Alex touched him this way. They were hungry for each other. Knees knocked together awkwardly under the covers as they tried to press their chests flush to each other, wanting as much skin touching as possible. Finally feeling like they could both breathe.

Michael wormed his arm underneath Alex so he could pull him closer. He keened as Alex threaded a hand through his curls and tugged just slightly. Michael’s hand drifted down Alex’s cheek, stroking his shoulder, then disappearing beneath the covers. His fingers stroked down Alex’s stomach, and dipped just under the waistband of his boxer briefs.

Alex pulled back with a gasp, “wait.”

The hand retreated immediately.

“No I want to. I want to. It’s just…” Alex panted against Michael’s lips, “I don’t want to screw this up. We’re really really good at the sex parts, and not so great at the communication parts. So maybe we should…”

“Focus on communication?” Michael asked.

Alex kissed him lightly, “Yeah. Yeah, I don’t want to pause but… I don’t want to fall into old patterns. I want to build something new with you. Something stronger. Plus there’s an eleven year old sleeping on the couch twenty feet away.”

Michael returned his hand to Alex’s cheek. “Is this okay? Hands above the waist at all times?”

Alex smiled with his lips still pressed to Michaels, “Yeah. That’s good. Let’s do that for awhile.”

Michael could feel Alex’s heartbeat thump against his chest. He could feel the swell of Alex’s belly with each inhale, his skin sliding against his own as they breathed in unison. He sent a trinkle of power to turn off the lights, and tugged Alex tight against him. Michael’s nose nuzzled down into the dip of his shoulder, rubbing his face into the curve and breathing deeply. His whole world smelled like Alex, and it felt right. He could feel Alex sigh against his hair, and his hand massaging the back of his neck, occasionally venturing up to play in his curls. And Michael let himself close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

***

Michael woke up suddenly. There was a new connection in his head that he hadn’t noticed. The places where he could sometimes sense Max and Isobel were muted after decades of practice. That connection had atrophied and he never tried to repair it. But now there was a sudden feeling of distress that could only be coming from Mikey.

He slipped from the bed, pulled on a shirt to go with his boxer briefs, and with bare feet, padded his way to the living room. The kid was sitting up, hugging himself with fists twisted around the loose material of his nightshirt, and breathing shakily.

Michael crouched next to the couch, “Bad dream?”

The kid didn’t even look at him. He just shrugged and tried to calm his breathing.

“Can I touch you? Or no?”

Mikey took a second, then nodded. Michael sat behind him and rubbed his hands down the kid’s trembling arms, like he was trying to warm him up. Michael remembered nightmares like this. Where he woke up not sure what feelings were real and what feelings were memories. Phantom pains lingering from his nightmares, that could only be soothed away by proving it was just a dream. His body was safe. He was okay.

The kid took a deep breath, then another. His hands unlocked from his sides and he leaned his back against Michael’s side. Michael let his arm rest heavily against the boy’s chest, like a seat belt grounding him to this world.

“Better?”

Mikey nodded and let his head thunk back against Michael’s shoulder. During the day he’d never allow this comfort, but in the dark, after a nightmare, he needed it even though he’d never admit it. Facing away from his older self, he had the courage to admit, “Nightmare. They were hurting me. … And they had Max and Isobel.”

“Those are the worst. I hate the dreams where I’m being hurt, but if Max and Isobel are there too…” Michael exhaled sharply, “Do you want to call them? So you know they’re safe? They won’t care if we wake them up.”

Michael would never call his siblings over a bad dream, but he knew in his bones they’d never mind a phone call from the kid. It felt okay to offer this to the kid.

“I don’t even LIKE Max or Isobel.”

“Yeah, I don’t always like them either. But they’re still mine. They’re still family. And the idea of someone hurting them makes me want to set the world on fire.”

They sat on the couch in silence. Mikey would never ask for a hug, and Michael wouldn’t volunteer one. But with the boy leaning against him, and his arm slung around him, it felt like a hug. They both felt settled. Like their bodies weren’t being flung into a nebulous nightmare void where everything bad could and would happen. They both felt real. They were on Alex’s couch, in Alex’s living room, in Alex’s cabin. They were safe.

[stormears]

Anybody Looking to Puke Tonight

By reading some wacko internet drama that my grandfather initiated. 

I might delete this post because it’s pretty sad, weird, gross and more than a little creepy but I guess I want a few tumblr peeps to...share this nonsense with.

My grandpa is 90. My mother lives with him...because she currently can’t afford to have her own place. Hoping that will change next year. But for now, she lives with him and has to do a lot of caretaking tasks for him. Like clean/change his sheets, buy him the occasional Depends diapers, buy his groceries because he’s too weak to walk into a store, he also is nearly deaf. He can kinda-sorta hold a conversation and has a little funny wit at times, but he talks and processes things rather slowly and he knows it. 

HE ALSO IS REALLY INTO ONLINE DATING 

My grandpa loves to write poetry and has shared his poems with lots of other grandmas on old people dating sites. Typing in all caps about his old jobs and his grandkids and such. And giving his phone number to those ladies! Sometimes he talks to them and picks up the phone. Sometimes he picks up the phone and immediately hangs up. He seems to have a new lady friend every couple weeks. Or just forgets which ones he’s already talked to. 

Recently my mom saw my grandpa watching TV and holding the phone to his ear, while someone on the other end rattled on and on and on, and grandpa just looked at the TV and said flat nothing for 4 or 5 straight minutes and that person on the other line did not stop talking once. With my grandpa’s slow brain, he was probably attuned to the TV and barely hearing or understanding anything that person was saying, but he was also just, letting them blab on and on and on! My mom got weirded out and suspicious. She...PICKED UP THE PHONE TO LISTEN IN! (a second landline phone)

Creepiness incoming

And it sounded like an adult woman waxing on about “I’m so happy we can talk and you make time for me and it’s great that we’re in love and it’s great how much you love me and i’m so happy to chat with you” and my mom, hearing this, interrupted the phone call, butted in to YELL AT THAT WOMAN! 

Saying stuff like “That is my FATHER you’re talking to, do you realize he is NINETY and who the hell are you, this is so inappropriate” 

And she gets to um, chatting with the person and they claim they are age THIRTY-NINE, and named Tasha, claims she’s a woman but my mom said “I wasn’t sure if it was a woman or a gay man” and she just asked Tasha their gender and Tasha laughed at her and said “well what do YOU think” and wouldn’t answer the damn question! She just said over and over again that my grandpa and her were “in love” and that’s that! Claimed she and my grandpa have been talking for a year now. 

My mom went off on Tasha for being so psycho as to be dragging along a 90-year-old man when she is 39, saying she is either a lying bitch trying to get money from my grandpa or is so pathetic she can’t get anyone her own age to pay attention to her, even on the internet, that she has to sink so low as to begging barely-mentally-competent old men for attention!!

Tasha ignored all this and said “You can call the FBI but you can’t stop our love.”

Goddamn you Tasha! You fucking FREAK! You either ARE that pathetic or you are preying on my grandfather! 

I forget if there was anymore to the convo after that but my mom said she blocked Tasha’s number on my grandpa’s landline phone. And grandpa is soon going to stay with my aunt for the winter, and she DOESN’T have a landline (but grandpa does have a cell phone, which he never uses, but god, he could start if he wants to talk to Tasha enough) 

My mom then confronted my grandpa about this, asking why in the HELL he would carry on a relationship with someone the age of his oldest grandchildren, don’t you realize she’s psycho or using you, dad, why are you talking to someone that age, your granddaughter’s age, would you fuck your granddaughter, Dad? And she slapped the table and made him look at her and yelled “WOULD YOU FUCK YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER, DAD?” And like he often does when confronted with a question he doesn’t want to answer, grandpa hung his head like a dog being scolded and just waited for the conversation to move on. 

The only response my mom got out of him about all this is “It works for me.” Well he also said he’s been talking to “that woman” for 3 years. If Tasha said 1 year and grandpa said 3, it’s probably just 1 year in truth and grandpa just can’t remember properly.  

Mom asked if I would log on to grandpa’s laptop to try and find any messages in his usual dating websites between him and Tasha. And I was very much willing to do it, because Tasha does sound insane, and my grandpa very well could have given her his address (but he was ON the computer the entire 4 hours I was over there and we didn’t want him to know we were doing that) He’s not smart enough to order anything online so we really doubt this is just some crazy phone sex call, but he sure could just type his address or send her a letter and has done so for his various “girlfriends” before. Tasha might know where he lives. 

My mom told her older sis (the aunt that grandpa will spend the winter with) about this and aunt was just confused why my mom even butted into the convo at all, why she picked up the phone and started talking to Tasha. Imo, “leave grandpa alone so he can live his life with independence and dignity” goes out the window once grandpa shows he is not competent enough to avoid internet crazies, but auntie doesn’t think so. 

My mom told her younger bro (nearby jobless uncle on disability who probably cheated the system to get it, tbh, is a harmless nice guy but lazy af and rather spineless imo) and she actually had him on the line to listen to the Tasha convo...by having him on speaker on her cell phone I think, in proximity to grandpa’s landline phone. And uncle actually got riled up and yelled at Tasha too, which I sure did not expect! He told her to stay the heck away from his father, and he supported my mom blocking Tasha’s number. But auntie and mom got into a bit of a fight about it because auntie would never have gotten involved in this. Well, auntie. You can have fun with grandpa’s “independence” once he’s at your house and you have the job of picking him up when he constantly falls on the floor, making dinners for him because he can’t figure out the microwave anymore or be trusted with the oven, doing his laundry for him and wiping his occasional accidental shitstain. Love ya, auntie but ughh grow a brain. 

Thanks for reading, if you did. 

My grandpa has had his “online dating” life for a long time, it’s one of his very few hobbies nowadays besides reading large-print books and watching PBS programming. But it’s never extended to...a weirdo like this. A person who I didn’t mentally write off straightaway. Tasha freaks me out a bit. 

Now there’s tension between my grandpa and mom now because he’s angry that she butted into his business and she’s angry and sad and kinda disgusted at knowing these poor judgement calls and probable sexual desires of her own really old father. They live in a tiny house and he kind of needs her to survive, so they can’t ever really get away from each other, but it just sucks for her now. She can’t afford her own house, her job sucks, she has no hobbies or friends besides hanging out with me way too fucking much, feels she has no future or financial security, no one in the family wants to speak to her because she’s, well, kind of a raging overbearing bitch, and now her dad is pissed off at her too. Sucks to be her. It really does.  

[fairiesherefairiesthere]

5 times people got an insight into Freed and Laxus’ marriage and one time the whole guild did.

For @bluejaii, who sent me the sweetest ask and for @aceofheartsworld who always leaves the most heartwarming comments ! 

1. Gildarts

On the unique times that Gildarts is present in the guildhall, there are a few things he likes to do. The first being showering his amazing daughter with love and support, of course. Making good use of the guild's alcohol supply is second and his third favourite thing, involves bothering the shit out of the youngsters. Wendy and Romeo are easy to fool, eager to believe anything as long as it's said by an adult (Wendy more so than Romeo). Others are unbotherable (he doesn't know how to tease Erza without gravely insulting her, she ticks in a weird way.) Elfman is very easy to tease (How's your girlfriend doing?) and flustering Juvia is the simplest thing in the world. Now, one of Gildarts' favourite victims must be Laxus Dreyar himself.

The youngster has always been a bit (a lot) defensive when it comes to personal relationships and it's only gotten worse with the years. So of course, Gildarts has been asking the young man the same question every time he sees him : "You married yet?" It never fails to ruffle his feathers and Gildarts' always hides his laugh when the other man starts to look at anything but him before stomping off to God knows where.

Because Laxus probably relates Gildarts to feelings ranging from lowkey annoyance to highkey annoyance, the youngster tends to avoid him. So it comes as a complete surprise when Laxus enters the guildhall, lays eyes on Gildarts and smirks. His surprise gets even bigger when the young man takes a seat right in front of him and says : "Let's talk old man."

Although he's a little put off by Laxus seeking him out, he's not about to let that deter him from bothering the man. Leaning back, he plans to ask his usual question, absolutely sure of its effect until he studies Laxus carefully. He has his hand propped up under his chin and his smile gets smugger when Gildarts' eyes land on his ringfinger. His ringfinger adorned with an actual ring. A wedding ring. On Laxus' finger. After a minor mindimplosion, Gildarts opens his mouth to scream. Laxus stops him by slamming a menu card into his mouth.

"Listen, I'm here for one reason and reason only", Laxus states and glares at him with eyes that are very, very alike to Makarov's when he's displeased. Fucking genetics. "Okay, shoot."

"You had one wife that you liked, right? Cana's ma." He nods. "She was the love of my life. Why do you ask?” For a long time, Laxus stares at him and Gildarts wonders if the other is evaluating how genuine he is. Then, he crosses his arms and lowers his head unto them. "My partner is amazing", he blurts out and after that, he starts a three hour rant about why he loves his spouse.

-

2. Cana

"Laxus, drink with me!" she yells before plopping down annoyingly close next to him on the bench, invading his personal space just a little bit. She knows it doesn't bother Laxus at all, but it does bother his greenie and Cana has decided that she has the full right to pester him in every petty way possible. Scanning the area, she comes to the conclusion that Freed isn't around. Bummer.

"It's the good stuff", she winks and he gives her an amused huff before shaking his head. "No thanks, I'm good." Sticking out her tongue, she slaps his bicep. "Boo, where did your sense of adventure go? Your tongue for excellent beerrrr", she says while obnoxiously rolling her r's. "I think my husband wouldn't appreciate it too much, should I arrive at home drunk. I don't want to arrive home drunk either, because it makes my memory spotty and you best believe that I do not want to forget a single moment with my spouse."

Oh god. Laxus Dreyar isn't even drunk and he's already sappy. Looking at the clock, Laxus hums before ruffling her hair and standing up. "Dinnertime's rolling around and I'm not a lowly fucker, so I'm going to help my husband. You have fun, Cana." Watching his retreating back, Cana mutters : "Need me a freak like that."

-

3. Gajeel

On some subconscious level, Laxus still makes him feel a bit jittery. They've both been absolutely shitty, turned around and became less shitty. They have even regularly fought the same fights and Gajeel has teased the man quite a bit (as long as there were other people around). Doesn't mean that his body has forgotten what getting electrocuted felt like. So, one can understand that Gajeel felt an itty bitty nervous when Laxus stormed into the guildhall and then in his direction.

"Gajeel." His hope that the man was seeking out someone else leaps out of the window. "What", he snaps back and the other man's jaw tightens. "Your bookworm." Immediately, the protectiveness flares up, nervousness forgotten. "What about her?"

"She likes books."

What. How the fuck does this man's brain work? Looking at Laxus, who's running his hand through his hair and huffing in frustration, he decides to shut up until the guy finds his words. He doesn't seem to be that good at it. "You guys went to that book convention two towns over a few days ago. Did she think it was worth it?"

Laxus being the reading type? That's one that Gajeel did not see coming. Then it hits him like a freighttrain and he cackles. "Need a place to take your boyfriend to? Don't worry, I won't tell a soul."

"My what? I don't have a boyfriend." Oops. Turns out he was too fast. "My bad, but seriously ask Freed out, he'll say yes. Not to overstep any boundaries or something, but you deserve happiness and shit. People tell me that a lot, so I thought I'd relay the message." The corner of Laxus' mouth turns up and Gajeel mentally pats himself on the back. God, he's good at this. He should start making motivational songs.

"Thanks, my husband tends to tell me that too." Then he leaves. The jackass.

-

4. Lucy and Natsu

It's a mystery. An enigma. A plotline more intriguing than anything she'd cooked up lately. What is this baffling conundrum Lucy has been trying to unravel? Laxus Dreyar's dating life.

Okay, maybe it isn't that big of a deal, but the man is surrounded by the prettiest people in the world (Mirajane, Cana, to name a few) and doesn't seem to be too interested in them (she can't relate). If she were less... cautious, she would've asked him about it by now, but alas, she's still a bit of a chicken sometimes. Sue her.

"Lucy, what are we doing?" Natsu flatly asks her. "Spying on Laxus", she whispers back and Natsu hums. "Understandable. Why?"

"Do you think anyone is interested in him?" she asks and wonders if the intricacies of romantic attraction even register in Natsu's head. His answer absolutely floors her. "Lucy, there's only two types of people who haven’t had a crush on Laxus once in their live and those are the ones that aren't into men. Or are too cowardly to admit it. Luckily for me, I'm neither of those."

"You had a crush on Laxus?" He rolls his eyes. "Keep up with the plan Luigi, of course, just like ninety percent of the guild. You've ever thought he's hot?" She admits: "Yeah, like once or twice."

"See Lucy, now you're getting what bi/pan solidarity is."

"Bonding over how hot Laxus is?"

"You might as well start calling it bi/pan/gay solidarity then", a new, terribly amused voice says above them and Lucy lets out an "Eep!" and hits her head against the table. Crawling from underneath it, she and Natsu come face to face with Freed Justine, who's looking both too entertained and smug.

Refusing to let go of her pastime, Lucy puts her hands on her hips and faces the captain. "What's Laxus' dating life like?" she demands to know and Freed shrugs. "I wouldn't know, he doesn't have one."

"Oh", she pouts and he chuckles. "If that's all, I'm gonna join the subject of your espionage." Right before he leaves, he looks over his shoulder and adds : "Since his dating life is nonexistent, you should ask him about his marriage."

-

5. Wendy

The flyer picturing the fair looks positively radiant and Wendy can nearly smell the candy apples and other sugared goods. It's a shame she won't be able to go though, because her team will be going on a mission and it's too far and dangerous for her to travel alone. A shadow alerts her of someone standing behind her and when she whirls around, she comes face to face (well more like face to chest) with Freed.

He too is staring at the poster and shyly she says. "It looks fun, doesn't it? If I were able to go, I'd take someone dear with me." Her voice must've sound a tad bit too longing, because he glances in her direction and asks : "Are you not able to go?" She shakes her head. "No, my team will be away and it's too far to go without adult supervision."

"I could go with you, if you do not mind my company, that is. Ah, I'll be taking someone dear to me along too, so you could invite Chelia if you wanted too." More often than not, she curses her face for revealing exactly what she's thinking, but right now, Wendy is over the moon. "Thank you mister Freed!" she yells before giving him a hug and speeding off. She's gonna have a blast with Chelia!

"Seems like our babysitters are tired", Chelia grins before shrugging. "Eh, at least we got candy out of it." As the two of them share their candy, Wendy looks at the scene in front of them. With an amount of skill that she certainly hadn't expected, Laxus is pinning Freed's hair up with a hairpin that he'd won a little while earlier. The light reflects off the pin and the rings adorning both men's fingers.

"Hey Wendy", Chelia says, laying her head on Wendy's shoulder. "When we're old like those two, let's be like that." Putting her hand on top of Chelia's and weaving their fingers together, Wendy nods sleepily. "Let's do that."

-

+1 Makarov or actually, + the whole guild

"Hey Gramps, you mind if we throw a guild party?" Well, aren't those words he thought he'd never hear out of his grandson's mouth. "You do whatever you want brat, as long as you can pay for it. What's the occassion?"

"Oh I got married."

"You what?"

(They get to hold the party and yes, Makarov cries over his grandsons. Both of them.)

[yesmooshoe]

Pepperony Smut-Mas, day 5!

Day 5! Honestly, I had to stop myself from writing 10,000 words about this AU tonight so that I would work on other Smut-Mas fics. I’d like to write more of this, so please let me know what you think!

Day 5 - Escort Pepper AU

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2627ish

Summary:  It's Tony's 21st birthday and he is still a virgin, so Obie has taken the liberty of hiring someone to help him out. 

Read this and previous chapters on AO3!

Or read here...

Pepper glanced down at the room number again just to double check, not wanting to knock on the wrong door. She was a little nervous about tonight, not quite sure what to expect when she got to the room. The night already hadn’t gone as planned, but she was just doing her best to roll with it. Mr. Stane was paying her 3 times her normal rate and with her tuition payments due next week she’d be willing to do almost anything. At first she thought that she’d be spending the evening with him, but when he met her in the bar at the hotel he informed her that he had something else in mind.

It was Tony Stark’s 21st birthday and he was still a virgin, which was something that Mr. Stane wanted to rectify.

Pepper knew who Tony Stark was. He’d made a lot of headlines after getting his Bachelor’s Degree at age 17 and his Masters at 19. Mr. Stane told her that he was now working on a double Doctorate, which took up so much of his time that he never really got the chance to meet people. It didn’t seem like this was his idea and she felt a little bad for the kid, but this was her job and she certainly wasn’t going to leave that much money on the table. After signing a quick Non-Disclosure Agreement printed on official Stark Industries letterhead, she took the slip of paper with the room number written on it and headed upstairs.

She took a deep breath before knocking. Even though she’d been doing this for well over two years now and hadn’t had any bad experiences so far, she always got a bit nervous.

“Oh god! Just a minute!” She heard a muffled voice yell out from behind the door. He sounded a little frazzled which eased Pepper’s mind a bit, and she figured he must have been pretty nervous too. When he swung the door open Pepper couldn’t help but smile because didn’t look like any other client she’d ever had.

Her usual guys were well dressed middle-aged executives in town for conferences or lonely, rich widowers just looking for a good time.

Tony was a little shorter than her, though she was wearing some pretty crazy heels at the moment. He was had on a striped yellow t-shirt, jeans and black Chuck Taylors. His hair was pretty floofy and he had a bit of scruff, like he hadn’t shaved in a day or so. He was kind of cute, actually, even if he did look a bit tired. Honestly, he looked like a lot of the boys she went to school with.

“Happy Birthday, Mr. Stark.” Pepper said warmly.

“Uh...thanks! You can uh, you can call me Tony.” He replied nervously.

“You’re welcome, Tony. Are you going to invite me in?”

“Oh! Right! Yes yes, come in.” He said as he stepped aside.

Pepper shrugged her leather jacket off as she entered the room, revealing the short, skin-tight blue dress she was wearing underneath. The room was nice, but nothing too fancy. The escort service that she worked for had some sort of deal worked out with the owners, so she’d been there many many times, and they often used this hotel to entertain high-profile clients in Boston when discretion was required.

She turned back to look at Tony, who hadn’t moved since shutting the door. He had his back up against it and looked like he was on the verge of freaking out, his eyes wide with terror. She cocked her head and narrowed his gaze at him, trusting her gut instinct from earlier which told her that this wasn’t his idea. “Tony? Are you ok? You know...we don’t have to do this.”

“Huh?”

"This ? We don’t have to do this. Mr. Stane told me why he was hiring me, you know. So if you’re not ready, that’s OK.” She said with a smile, hoping that he’d take a deep breath and calm down. A middle-aged man hiring a hooker for his business partner’s 21-year-old virgin son had felt pretty gross to her from the start, but she wasn’t here to judge. She was just here to do a job. Still, if Tony didn’t want to do this she wasn’t going to force him too.

His cheeks flushed deeply as Pepper spoke and he just looked at the ground. “Great. So Obie told you I’m a hopeless virgin, huh?”

“He didn’t use the word hopeless , and there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, Tony. It’s ok. Really. And if you don’t want to do this then we can watch TV for 4 hours and then I’ll ruffle up my hair and head on out if that’ll get him off your back. He seemed a little intense.”

After two and a half years of doing this, Pepper had gotten pretty good at reading men and talking to them. More often than not the guys who hired her needed someone to talk to just as much as they needed to get laid.

Tony sighed and released the tension in his shoulders as he walked towards her. “He means well. He does. He cares about me and he’s just trying to get my dad off my back, actually. I just...I just work a lot, you know? And I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything and he’s convinced that I’m gay and being kind of an asshole about it so...I think Obie is just hoping that this’ll jump-start things for me. I don’t know.” He explained as he leaned against the dresser with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Are you...gay? Because if you are just say the word and I can get someone else more to your liking here in 30 minues.” Pepper offered.

Tony actually smiled for the first time that night and looked up at her. “No, I’m not gay. Not really. I don’t - I mean - No, I’m not gay.”

She decided to let the not really comment slide for now, but filed that away for later as she let him continue.

“I was mortified when we turned up here and Obie told me what his plan was for the evening, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to. I really want to have sex, I do. I just...it just hasn’t happened. And I keep getting more and more anxious about it, you know? And I’m not - like, hiring hookers is not - I mean - fuck , sorry. Is hooker a good word to use? I guess you’re technically and escort. But, it’s not something I’d ever thought about doing because it seemed weird but after I thought about it for a while, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. It’d be an opportunity for me to experiment! And collect some empirical data. And figure some stuff out in a controlled environment while eliminating some outside factors, like the fear of entering into a relationship or anything, you know? Also wow, you’re very pretty.”

Pepper just chuckled as Tony rambled, glad to see him relaxing a bit. “Right. So we’re just going to workshop some stuff then, yeah? See what works, what doesn’t work. Collect data. Make adjustments?” She asked, stepping towards him.

“Yes! Precisely. So, to answer your question, yes . I want to do this. I just have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve read some stuff, and watched some porn, but no real - uh - hands on experience. Other than my own.” He admitted as he dropped his hands to his sides while she approached him. “Do - do you  want to do this? You’re not like kept chained up to a radiator in between jobs so that you can pay off a debt or something right? Cuz if you are I can help.”

Pepper was a bit taken aback by this. She’d never once had a client ask her anything like that. They usually didn’t care all that much about her, which was fine. She was being paid to make them feel good, not for them to give a shit about her. She pressed her body against his and felt the growing erection in his jeans as she cupped his cheek with her hand.

He was really cute.

“The people that I work for are very good to me, so don’t worry. I just want to do my job, and for the next four hours, my job is to do whatever you want me to do. And I am very good at my job. So. What do you want?” She asked while running her thumb in circles over his cheek. Tony laughed nervously, unsure of what to do with his hands.

“Can you tell me your name first?”

“Pepper.”

“ Pepper? Is that your real name?”

“It’s my real name right now.” She teased.

“Fine. How old are you? How long have you been doing this?”

“I’m 20, and I’ve been doing this since I was 18. You still haven’t answered my question though. What do you want?”

She could feel Tony’s erection straining against his jeans, and at this point all that she wanted was for him to not cum in his pants. Not that she would have cared, but she guessed that would be pretty embarrassing for him.

“Everything.” He replied quietly while finally resting his hands on her hips.

“Well, you’re young and I’m sure we’ll be able to get in a few rounds over the next 4 hours. We wont quite get to everything, but we’ll try. Where do you want to start? You’re in charge here.” She said, deciding not to move from this position until she was given something more to go on. If he really was going to treat this entire evening as some sort of experiment she wanted him to decide what he wanted to do.

“Uh - b - blowjob? Could you? Can we start with that? Is that ok? I don’t know what - “

“A blowjob sounds great.” She said, cutting him off before he started rambling too much again.

She grabbed his hand and led him to the bed before playfully pushing him down onto it. He just sat on the edge, propped up on his elbows with a huge smile on his face.

“I really like your dress. It looks great on you.”

“It looks even better crumpled up on the floor, I promise you.” She teased. “Do you want me to take it off?”

“No, leave it on for now. And the shoes. Definitely leave the shoes on.” He said as he ran his hand over the bulge in his pants.

“Of course.”

Pepper knelt down in front of him while running her hands up and down his thighs. He looked practically giddy, like he was realizing for the first time that this was actually going to happen.

“What should I do?” He asked, his nervousness rearing its ugly head again.

“Take your shirt off.” She instructed while she ran her hands up to the snap on his jeans. He complied almost immediately, and as he tossed it aside she undid his pants and started to pull them and his underwear down. He lifted his hips a bit to help her out and inhaled a sharp breath as his cock sprang free to rest against his toned stomach. Pepper bit her lip at the sight of it, pleased with how big it actually was. “Well, it seems you’re ready for this, huh?”

“Yeah.” He squeaked out as his breathing intensified.

She just smiled at him as she took a moment to pull off his shoes and socks before removing the rest of his clothes completely. She ran her hands back up his newly exposed thighs, savoring the sight of him. While she always told herself she’d never let her own feelings affect her performance, she couldn’t deny the fact that she had more fun when she found herself attracted to a client, and with every passing moment the allure of the nervous nerd in front of her intensified.

When she wrapped her hand around his cock for the first time, it looked like Tony’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. She moved her hand up and down slowly, using some of his precum to aid in her strokes. Soon she began to tease the head of his cock with her thumb while just enjoying watching him. She wasn’t doing anything particularly mind-blowing by her standards, but Tony seemed to be having a great time, which was all that mattered.

She got up onto her knees and and ran her tongue slowly up the underside of his cock, eliciting a soft moan from the man above her. “You like that, huh?”

“Yeah.” Tony replied breathlessly, unable to do or say much more.

“Good. Because there’s so much more where that came from.” She said with a grin before running her tongue around the tip of his cock as she continued to stroke him slowly. His precum mixed with her saliva gave her a bit more freedom to pick up the pace, and she did just that as she finally took him into her mouth.

“Oh shit.” She heard him mutter out above her.

She started slow, running her tongue around his tip and while her lips were wrapped around him, but soon she began bobbing her head up and down, taking as much of him into her mouth as she could while using her hand to take care of the rest. He was mostly silent, only letting out a few short, quiet moans as Pepper began to pick up the pace.

She started running her free hand up and down his side, eventually snaking it up to run over his chest where she began to tease his nipple a bit, hoping that would be enough to push him over the edge. He seemed to be fighting it though, wanting to last as long as he could, which she found really endearing.

Her strokes continued and she looked up at him and spoke. “You’re so big Tony. I can’t even take all of you at once. Come on baby, let go. Let me taste you.” She almost purred out before returning her lips to his cock.

With a few more strokes he cried out as he came, and Pepper eagerly swallowed down every bit of cum that he gave her, continuing to stroke him through his orgasm, licking the tip of his cock like a lollipop. She pulled his softening cock out of her mouth with a bit of a pop, which was something she’d perfected over the years. She sat up a bit, running one hand over his stomach while she used the other to wipe a bit of cum away from the corner of her lips. She sucked her finger clean while he stared at her, mouth agape, and she couldn’t help but giggle a bit as she climbed up next to him on the bed.

“Well, how was that for some empirical data?” She teased before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Good results. Very good results. We might need to try that again though at some point to see if we reach the same conclusion. Just to be thorough.”

“Whatever you want. It’s your birthday and until midnight I am all yours. I’m gonna raid the minibar while you recover though, all right? Do you want me to make you a drink?” She asked as she sat up. She wasn’t sure what Tony had in store for her for the rest of the night, but she was looking forward to it no matter what. She was having fun so far and really trusted him, which didn’t always happen.

[homosociallyyours]

OK so I saw this post (about the woman who kissed a stranger in front of the Eiffel tower and other places) and really REALLY needed to write up a rom-com plot for it. At first I thought I was going to actually make a heterosexual romance happen, but it became immediately clear that I am fully incapable of that. This is long, but if you love romantic comedies I think it’s a fucking delight. 

If someone out there makes movies and wants to make this, lmk. I’ll say yes. 

So we start out in flashback with the woman waiting at the airport with her group of friends. They’re headed on a trip to Europe to celebrate graduation, and they’re all talking about what a great time they’re going to have but they’ll miss their boyfriends etc, except for one girl who’s like “Well I don’t have anyone to miss, so :P” and her friends are like OK FINE, we dare you to find a guy to kiss you every city we visit in Europe. She sort of shrugs bc that’s not really so interesting, but then one of her friends offers that she should find a guy to kiss her in front of a bunch of famous places, super romantically, while her friends take a picture. She’s in. 

We zoom through the trip with the focus on her taking on this dare. She immediately has a lot of success in asking, and it definitely makes her bolder. She shares her first kiss with someone with Big Ben in the background. Then Stonehenge. The Eiffel Tower. etc etc. They’re back on the plane and she’s looking at photos on her friend’s camera. Her friend is next to her and remarks that she can’t believe the girl actually went through with all those kisses from strangers. She asks if the girl is glad it’s over, says something like, “I just bet when we get home you’ll find Mr. Right.” The girl gets a far off look in her eyes, says, “maybe so.” 

Jump forward to present day with a X number of years later, probably 13 years bc 35 is that kind of age, but honestly more would be better. The scene is a wedding, and a woman who looks a lot like the girl is standing at an outdoor altar with candles all around and a flower arch. It’s dusk. She’s being asked if she takes this man when someone yells “FIRE” and the flower arch is burning and there’s screaming and you can hear the sirens of the firetrucks off in the distance. They put the fire out, and we see an older woman (who’s actually our girl) approach one of them. Her friend stands behind her with her camera ready. She taps a fire fighter on the shoulder and asks if he’ll kiss her through the window of the fire truck. He looks bashful and first but accepts, and the friend gets the picture. The woman who’s getting married sees it and storms over and is like, “Cousin protag, if you staged a fire so you could get one of your stupid kisses I’m going to jail for murder on my wedding day and I won’t even care.” (She did NOT stage it, but she takes her opportunities when they come)

So this woman comes over and is like...excuse me, what the fuck was she talking about? I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but she was yelling and accusing you of setting her wedding on fire and you didn’t think that was weird. So they + her friend leave the wedding and go to a diner where they sit in their fancy dresses and talk about the project that’s defined this woman’s life. She’s kissed hundreds of guys now. Her friend still documents most of them, but she’s had stand ins over the years. The new woman is scrolling through all these pictures and is like, where are all these guys now? What are they doing? Do you talk to them? Do you ever think about them? 

And the protag kind of shrugs, bc...no? Not really? But her friend is like, “you would think she’d have found The One, right? After kissing all these guys? But it’s just-- kiss, NOTHING, kiss, NOTHING.” And she’s clearly sad about it, she really wanted her friend to have a magical moment where she kissed a stranger and fell right in love. But the new woman is like, that’s not how love really works though, it takes time, getting to know someone, etc. And what if one of them is thinking of you? 

They get to talking more and the new woman is an editor (or reality tv producer?) and she thinks this could be a great book, especially if they can use social media to launch it. She’s very convincing and the protag decides to go along. 

So they’re working together-- the friend is helping too --posting the photos one by one and tagging them and getting them noticed. It actually doesn’t take long before the story kind of blows up, and that’s when she gets the first message from one of her kisses. The editor is like, “this is our angle--you meet them again, all of them at once. At a big party like an old romantic royal ball. And you talk with them and then get to know them and maybe you really do find someone you’re excited about.” 

She starts getting more responses, enough that someone actually has to help her go through everything. Some people are just trying to get famous, since this is taking off media-wise. She finds that she can often recognize them even if they only did share one kiss years ago. There’s something comforting about it, like maybe she WILL fall for one of them if they meant enough for her to remember them. But as the number of guys found grows, she gets less and less hopeful. If anything, she’s filled with dread. She liked collecting their kisses like souvenirs more than she liked the idea of falling for one of them. 

She has a heart to heart with her friend where she kind of laments not feeling anything, and the friend asks her how the kisses compared with guys she’s kissed while dating, and she confesses that it’s the same level of heat, the same non-spark. She liked those guys as people, and she doesn’t regret any of her relationships, but there’s not really anything huge that she feels. Her friend has a lot of sympathy but not a ton of empathy; she’s never been in this kind of situation. She asks if protag was attracted to any of the guys, like physically, and protag says “they were all really attractive,” like she’s stating a fact. Because they were conventionally handsome and she’s conventionally pretty and that’s what works, right? Her friend gives a sort of half-hearted yeah, because...not really? But she doesn’t know how to put it. 

Friend talks to new woman about the talk she’s just had with protag, and we see a light go on in her head. Like something is clicking into place. And she has a hunch about it but she can’t really spill it to friend. She drives to protag’s house and they go sit on the couch and protag is confused about why new woman is there and looking kind of upset. They’re good friends now and it worries her. Protag doesn’t expect it when the woman asks her if she’s ever kissed a woman. She says no, then as she’s asking why the woman asks if they could kiss. Just to see something. And protag has never been asked if she wants to be kissed, let alone by another woman-- that just doesn’t happen to her. 

They kiss and it’s immediately clear that there’s something different about it for protag. Her body language shifts; she’s somehow less comfortable with this kiss and more at home with it. When they break the kiss she looks dazed, opening her eyes (she usually keeps them open? but they just closed on their own this time) and staring back at the woman who kissed her, looking at her lips, thinking about doing it again but surprised that she’s thinking it. The woman asks her how it was. “Different.” Asks her if she wants to do it again. “Definitely.” Protag initiates it this time. 

So the next day protag is freaking out big time. Because maybe she’s gay? Apparently? She’s always thought other women just exaggerated their feelings for their boyfriends. But it turns out no, they were being real. And she’s just never felt that before. She’s kinda worried it’s all tied up with this new woman, though, so she calls her friend and convinces her to go along to a gay bar that night. She’s never had trouble finding someone to kiss in any other circumstance; she figures she’ll just kiss a few women and make sure this isn’t a fluke. 

The gay bar is 1) mostly gay men and 2) nothing like her vacation experiences. She tries walking up to the first woman she sees and gets a dirty look followed by “I’m with my girlfriend.” It takes her several tries before she finds someone to kiss, and when she does she finds that she does like it more, but not as much as she liked her kiss the previous night. Her friend takes a picture anyway (since that’s what she always does) and the woman protag has just kissed gets upset and offended, accusing protag of being a straight woman kissing a lesbian for attention. 

Protag leaves with friend and drops her off, friend apologizing a lot. Protag drives to editor’s house and knocks on her door and when she opens it she just asks “Can I?” and editor nods and they’re kissing and it’s a lot but it’s exciting, she’s totally wrapped up in it. Editor slows her down, tries to say she wasn’t trying to start something with the kiss. Protag is hurt and feels rejected. She leaves without hearing anything else. Decides to try to avoid editor as much as possible and go on with the stupid fancy party with all the men she’s kissed. Maybe she was wrong anyway. Maybe she just needs to try harder. 

Editor knows she fucked up and calls the friend to tell her everything. Friend realizes that Protag was trying to see if she was into the editor and says she has a plan. They’re gonna make this work.

So it’s the party and the whole thing is gorgeous. The place is set up with photo areas that look like famous locations that you can kiss in front of. Plus everyone who’s single is wearing a kissy lip pin on their outfit so you know they would like to be kissed. The protag looks great but she’s also kind of grim, just there to get it done. She gets to the party and everyone cheers, she’s going to give a toast later and talk about a release date for her book etc etc, but first she’s supposed to mingle and do some kisses. A few men come up to her right away. She remembers most of them, and it’s weird seeing them but kind of fun too? She didn’t think they’d ever really meet again. 

She sees one of her first kisses and he’s really excited and asks if they can kiss again, says he’s always wondered if she was “the one who got away” and she feels excited about it, like maybe it’s fate and this is it and he’s the one. They go to the spot that looks like where they kissed and just go for it. It’s everything a good kiss should be, by looks. When they break apart, the guy has this hopeful look in his eye and Protag justs puts her hand on his shoulder and thanks him and shakes her head very gently before walking off. Because he did feel something and she didn’t. 

Protag isn’t thinking about where she’s going, just walking away, when a hand on her shoulder stops her. She turns and there’s the editor, looking amazing and smiling at her and she’s confused for a half second before the editor takes her hand and leads her over to one of the kiss areas. The friend is waiting with the camera. Editor leans in and kisses Protag and it’s fireworks all over again. Such a good kiss. When they pull apart Protag looks in Editor’s eyes and waits for confirmation that this is what they really both want. Editor moves both of them slowly into the next backdrop. “I want to be one who kisses you in front of monuments. I want to replace every photo you have with one of us kissing if we can. Can we?” Protag says yes and everyone cheers because it’s really sweet and beautiful!! Friend snaps pictures. 

This time when we flash forward to a wedding, it’s for the Protag and Editor. They’re standing in front of (dramatic monument) as they say I do. 

Author’s note: the more I think about it the more I realize the editor should be a producer (maybe) who wants the protag to do a reality show. Or basically just something else (literary agent? promoter? IDK)

[moonvalecrossing]

Now here's something I haven't asked you in a long time: a "Fav and Least Fav" ask related to Pokémon. Favorite and least favorite Gym Leaders of each type they specialize in? Kahunas and Trial Captains will count, but if one ends up as your fav/least fav, I'd suggest separating them and the actual Gym Leader that's your fav/least fav of their type. Also, Bede and Marnie's statuses as Gym Leaders will count too, mostly just so Piers can have some competition with his sis. :P

Alrighty. Time to sit down and tackle this!

Normal Type- Least Favorite: Whitney. WHITNEY. That damn Milktank. I’m sure she’s killed many a Nuzlocke team. And yet still has the gall to cry like a baby when she loses. She also comes across as one of those vapid dumb and pretty trend girls. “Everyone was into pokemon so I got into it too!” I really think skill is the only thing they care about when they hand out the title of Gym Leader sometime because this chick really doesn’t seem to be the type who’d normally get this type of authority.

Normal Type- Most Favorite: Cheren. He is adorable baby husband. Though mostly it’s really cool to see another rival become a gym leader like Green did. I just wish they’d kept his glasses instead of for some reason swapping them to Bianca for some reason.

Fighting Type- Least Favorite: Korrina. Her character art bugs me. Is she seriously supposed to be wearing skates and also doing fighting moves? I can’t even stand on four wheel skates without nearly breaking every bone below my waist. And you’re telling me this girl runs around doing axe kicks on roller blades??? No thank you. Also she hoists a Lucario onto you. I like raising my pokemon from their earliest point and you go and make me have to take one because I’d feel bad if I didn’t since it wants to come with me now.

Fighting Type- Most Favorite: Brawly. Mostly because he’s hot. Slightly because his gym is actually a gym with workout equipment in the remake and I find that amazing and hilarious.

Flying Type- Least Favorite: Skyla. Partially because of her anime counterpart. Mostly because I hate her design. Why are her wrists so thick on those gloves? Why is she wearing boots, a cropped jacket, those weird gloves, and what look closer to boxer style panties than shorts underneath a bunch of bondage-y belts? She looks like a generic anime waifu more than a pokemon character. Like a Mega Man OC. Of one of those weird dating games where the women are just objects in female coded human form Skyla’s a humanized seatbelt.

Flying Type- Most Favorite: Falkner. Because Kahili isn’t a gym leader. Congrats, Falkner. You cute little bugger. Also he’s the only notable male flying type trainer.

Poison Type- Least Favorite: Prepare the flame shields. I don’t like Roxie. Small children as Gym Leaders bug the hell out of me. I see Gym Leaders as characters with high authority in the pokemon world. I hate the idea of kids who look like they’re only a few years out from learning the alphabet and basic mathematics having any kind of power in a region. The only exception I have is Galar because the gym leaders feel less important since they’re merely sports celebrities. ...Also I hate Roxie’s Pebbles Flintstone hair. It makes her look even more like a baby to me.

Poison Type- Most Favorite: Koga. Despite the fact I still think that he and Sabrina had their gyms switched, he’s still my favorite. He even became a member of the Elite 4 and left the gym to his daughter. I find that sweet.

Ground Type- Least Favorite: (Actually Hapu, because of reasons stated above for Roxie, except even more because this kid is a freaking KAHUNA. Why is this little mud farm girl chosen to be the KAHUNA of a whole dang island and one of the most important people in Alola? Surely the Tapus could find someone better, but then again the gods must be crazy.) Clay. Because he looks like a Texan Business Tycoon. And I’m a left-leaning American. That should probably explain things well enough. Because boy howdy do I not wanna open that can of worms. Maybe if I ever get to the point of fighting him in Black Version my opinion will change. But like I said. My real answer is Hapu. Clay just has the misfortune of being next at the bottom of the line.

Ground Type- Most Favorite: Giovanni. Because he is my mafia husbando and I am a garbage human. Have you seen a picture of the man in the “How I became a Pokemon Card” manga? Hot damn. And his newer pokemon cards? HOT DAMN.

Rock Type- Least Favorite: Gordie. This Ronaldo Fryman looking fucknugget with accessory tips from Bling Bling Boy on Johnny Test. He looks like one of those smug basement dweller types who’d call me a FEEEEEMALE if I turned him down for a date. Also his official art does the same thing I hate about Diantha’s. His knee faces more inner-forward but his foot’s pointing outward. Unless that picture’s drawn with him in mid dance spin, dude’s ankle is broken. At least he looks kind of cute when he doesn’t have his hair styled back in that douchey style. I feel like he’d yell about feemales again if I told him I thought his mom was hot. Also he’s not wearing socks with dress shoes and that should be a criminal offense.

Rock Type- Most Favorite: Roxanne is super cute. Even if she’s skirting the line of young people in positions of power she actually looks like a mature person who was ahead of her age level in school. However I will object to the idea of her being a teacher in any shape or form like in the anime. This person hasn’t even struggled through the mental ravages of puberty aint no way she should be allowed to be a teacher.

Bug Type- Least Favorite: Burgh, if only because people use him as a stereotype a lot and I hate that. Toxic masculinity is bs. MEN CAN BE FABULOUS WITHOUT BEING GAY. That said, his pants and shoes are a color crime.

Bug Type- Most Favorite: Guzma is the equivalent of a Bug Type trial captain and you will never convince me otherwise. I- what- you’re really gonna fight me on this? Fine. Bugsy. Bugsy is my precious bug-catching child. Precious baby.

Ghost Type- Least Favorite: Acerola. I’ve already stated why I hate kids in power like this. Plus I just. do not like. characters with the bubbly personality and the cat mouth. I instantly know I’m going to dislike a character the moment I see that damn catmouth. I’m not coming up with a non-trial alternative for this one. I am either neutral to or love the other ghost trainers.

Ghost Type- Most Favorite: Morty. Because 1. He’s hot. 2. He’s got a sweet scarf. 3. Agatha’s not a gym leader. :P Morty has a very nice design. After the remakes came out anyways.

Steel Type- Least Favorite: There’s only like two of these. I don’t hate Jasmine at all but she’s the only other actual gym leader of the Steel Type. So we’re gonna use Molayne anyways. Mostly because his stick-ass gangly legs give me the creeps.

Steel Type- Most Favorite: I’ve never met him but Byron looks like a miner hobo and I dig that. Plus he made Roark and Roark’s hot. (Then why isn’t Roark my favorite rock gym leader? Because not all my favorites can be because of my asexual thirst.)

Fire Type- Least Favorite: Blaine always makes me think of my grandfather and I am not that fond of my grandfather. Even though Blaine seems much much nicer and friendlier a grandpa than my actual grandfather.

Fire Type- Most Favorite: Flannery’s design is adorable and I love it. Doesn’t hurt that it’s also the kind of outfit my more pro-fire trainer would wear.

Water Type- Least Favorite: Marlon. Don’t get me wrong. Marlon’s hot. But he gets to be least favorite for lying about being a tan boy. Seriously look at that tan line around his swim suit that pastey white skin does not do his design favors.

Water Type- Most Favorite: Wallace. This one is pure thirst. Pure. Thirst. Wallace is a babe. I love everything about this fabulous bastard. Especially his hat and scarf in the remake. Especially the remake. Babe.

Grass Type- Least Favorite: Milo. I’m starting to feel like the people who design and did the art for some of these newer characters don’t know how bulkier people’s legs work. Because Milo and Gordie’s legs just look really, really wrong. These characters do not have ankles their calves just end at flat feet. Also milo’s leg is doin that broken ankle thing too. Other images don’t make them look as bad, though. Other than that I hate characters who have no whites to their eyes. It’s freaking creepy and Milo’s baby face doesn’t help. And I can not figure out the design of this guy’s eyebrows either. I know he has them but they don’t look like the anything but exist to blend with his bangs.

Grass Type- Most Favorite: Erika. I like her design a lot. I guess some of the weeb in me still exists deep in there.

Electric Type- Least Favorite: Sophocles. I just don’t like his design. At all. Only other arguments I could give are the kid with with Clemont again. That and his jumpsuit.

Electric Type- Most Favorite: Lt. Surge, Volkner, and Elesa are are great. But Elesa wins because Lt. Surge is a paranoid soldier who makes getting to him a chore and Volkner looks like he takes the same brooding pills they fed to Cloud after Final Fantasy Advent Children turned into into the broodlord. Also ‘urgh need actually challenging opponents’ characters bug me, regardless of how attractive they are.

Psychic Type- Least Favorite: Tate and Liza. But this time the main reason ISN’T because they’re babies. No, no. That’s a big reason, but even being psychics can’t save them. They have a BIG problem. The main reason for these two is that their gym team is garbage. Emerald and Black2/White2 not counting in this because of the remake being their current gym team in my eyes its just a damn solrock and lunatone! I love me Lunatone, don’t get me wrong. But damn, kids. How are you actually gym leaders with a team of pokemon that is barely suitable for the gym trainer in the first gym of the region? The only starter that can’t hit you with a super effective move is the fire starter. Being a double battle only means that I can get rid of your pokemon faster because I get to use TWO pokemon moves on my turn.

Psychic Type- Most Favorite: Olympia. Her design is absolutely beautiful. I want her dress. I want her cape. She is the black and silver space queen and she WILL BE RESPECTED IN THIS HOUSE. Even if whoever did her art doesn’t seem to realize dresses don’t slip into the navel or hug into the crotch hole. Surprised whoever drew it didn’t also add the camel-toe since they think fabric works that way. If I were her I’d strangle someone with one of those magical floaty ring bracelets. Space mom aint having non of your objectification shit.

Ice Type- Least Favorite: Candice. You live in a winter town. Your gym is an ice slide hell. Put on some goddamn pants and a coat. I’m not gonna give you any sympathy when you end up with the worst cold ever.

Ice Type- Most Favorite: Melony. She is adorable and has actual weight to her. And she loves her kids. And holy shit look at her she’s actually dressed for cold weather and ice unlike nearly every other goddamn Ice Gym Leader besides Pryce.

Dragon Type- Least Favorite: Claire is an arrogant b-witch who cant accept defeat and is worst that whitney because at least Whitney gave you your earned badge when she stopped crying like a baby. Claire refused until you did some ‘trial’ and still didn’t think she’d have to give you the badge until granddad dragon master told her to stop being a child. Also she gets more least favorite points because she’s what has prevented me from talking about how much I hate Iris here. That’s right, Claire. I dislike you so much you get MORE hate points because you prevent me from hating another character more than you.

Dragon Type- Most Favorite: Raihan is a babe and the most challenging Gym Leader I’ve ever faced. Bonus points because technically I wouldn’t call him a type-based gym leader but a strategy based leader because he focuses on weather more than dragons. Plus his “Leader Challenges You!” post makes him look a little wild.

Dark Type- Least Favorite: Marnie. Because I wanted to see her brother again so I invited him to the Championship thing and Marnie freaking cockblocked me by beating her brother in the first round. LET ME SEE YOUR BROTHER, MARNIE.

Dark Type- Most Favorite: Piers is my husband and Marnie’s just gonna have to deal with it. :P He’s super cute and his worrying over Marnie in the post game was the cutest damn thing. Plus young Piers in his rare league card is so precious and gives me life. It’s gonna take a lot of work for any other dark type trainer to top Piers.

Fairy Type- Least Favorite: Mina. I hate Mina. Lazy/Unfocused/High artist characters piss me off. Alo Mina should have been a normal type trial captain because of smeargle and the fact that Ilima has pink hair and the same huge buggy-like water eyes Valerie has. Mina even dips her damn hair in paint like Smeargle does with its tail. Mina couldn’t be assed to have an actual trial the first time around. Second time around she just made you go collect something from people you already beat.

Fairy Type- Most Favorite: Bede. If you can’t look this beautiful sparkly eye angel of a child in the eyes and find him amazing once he becomes Opal’s apprentice, you have no soul and should probably get that looked at.

[doomedhowell]

Her First Sleepover

Summary: Dan’s daughter is having a sleepover for the first time ever with her best friend Bethany, and Dan wants to make sure she that has the best night. However, things quickly take a turn when he realizes that her best friend’s father is his ex-boyfriend, someone he didn’t expect to see ever again.

Genre: AU, Fluff

Word Count: 1,466

Trigger Warnings: mpreg mentions, but it’s not apart of the main story

A/N: It’s been awhile since I’ve written parent!phan so I came up with this and I’m really happy with how it turned out so I hope that you guys enjoy it too. Also, if anyone has anymore parent!phan they’d like me to write, then please send prompts my way! :) Thanks once again to @waitforiiiiiiiiiiiit for betaing this fic for me!

Dan takes a step back and then smiles proudly at the snack table displayed in front of him. Of course, Dan absolutely didn’t have to go all out for just two girls. But, it’s his daughters first “sleepover”, and he wants to make sure that she has an amazing night with her best friend. There are plenty of snacks, and he’s made sure they’ll have plenty of movies and board games to choose from for when they start getting bored.

“Wow dad,” Alice says when she walks into the kitchen and sees what her dad’s done.

Dan looks over at his fifteen year old daughter and grins. “What do you think? Is it too much?”

“Absolutely not,” Alice says, walking over and stealing a Twizzler out of the candy bowl and taking a bite. “This is great, but you really didn’t have to do all of this.”

“Of course I did. It’s your first sleepover, so we have to go all out,” Dan says.

“Well, I’m sure Bethany will think it’s amazing. All of this food will be gone by the morning,” Alice says.

“Your stomach will not be happy with you in the morning too,” Dan adds.

“Worth it,” Alice grins as she looks up at her dad, and then she gasps when she hears the doorbell ring. “They’re here!” She drops the Twizzler on the table and rushes to the door. She opens the door and smiles when she sees her best friend standing outside with her dad. “Beth! You’re here!”

“Sorry it took so long. I could not find this stupid shirt I wanted to wear-” Bethany hugs Alice.

“Was it that one anime shirt you’re obsessed with?” Alice asks as she pulls away from the hug.

“How’d you guess?” Bethany grins, her cheeks turning slightly red.

“Like I said, you’re obsessed with it,” Alice giggles.

“Hey-”

Alice looks over and sees her dad walking over. “Oh, hey dad… this is Bethany,” she introduces.

“Wow. You’re the famous Bethany that I hear all about, it’s so nice to finally meet you” Dan chuckles, and leans forward to hug Bethany, and then looks up and his eyes widen when he sees who Bethany’s dad is. He instantly pulls away from the hug. “You have got to be freaking kidding me. You’re Bethany’s dad?”

“Wait, you two know each other?” Bethany asks as she looks up at her dad with confusion.

“Unfortunately,” he replies, crossing his arms against his chest. “We dated a while ago. It didn't end well.”

“Hm, and I wonder whose fault that was,” Dan snaps.

“Uh, yours. You’re the one who rejected my marriage proposal!”

“I wasn’t ready to get married yet! We dated for barely over a year when you asked me,” Dan says. “Then, you had to get all weird afterwards and broke everything off. I was perfectly content with just dating.”

“Well, it’s kind of weird to keep dating someone after they reject your marriage proposal,” Phil scoffs.

“Okay, knock it off you two!” Alice exclaims, clapping her hands loudly to get the two men’s attention. “Wow dad, I can’t believe you dated Mr. Lester. Wait, I’ve definitely mentioned a Mr. Lester to you before, how did you not realize that I was talking about your ex-boyfriend?” “I had my suspicions, I was just hoping that you were talking about another Mr. Lester. God dammit Alice, why did you have to choose my exes daughter to become best friends with?” Dan groans.

“Anyways, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. See you tomorrow Mr. Lester?” Alice asks as she reaches over and pulls Bethany inside the house, taking her bag for her.

“Actually, um, dad was wondering if he could stay for a little bit? It’s my first sleepover, so…”

“Exactly, and I just want to look out for my little girl. But, I promise I won’t stay all night,” Phil says.

“Oh, well… that’s okay. Right, dad?” Alice asks, looking over at Dan.

Dan sighs out loud, clearly wanting to say no to the idea of his ex-boyfriend staying at his house. “Alright, fine! You can stay for a little bit. I just ordered pizza anyways,” he says. “Come inside.”

“This isn’t going to be awkward at all,” Alice whispers to Bethany before leading the way upstairs.

Dan shuts the front door, and awkward turns to face Phil, rubbing his arm nervously. “So,”

“How’ve you been?” Phil asks, biting his lip slightly.

“Fine,” Dan replies simply. “Being a parent has kept me busy all these years, but I wouldn’t change it.”

“So, you’ve definitely seen other people since we’ve been together?” Phil asks.

“Not really,” Dan chuckles awkwardly, shaking his head. “It was right after we broke up, and I needed to blow off some steam because I was so angry after our big fight, so I went to a gay bar and hooked up with some random guy. After that, I found out that I could have children. That’s a thing now. Then, enter Alice. She’s been the center of my world ever since then. I’m completely content with being single right now, but if someone did happen to show up in my life, I wouldn’t mind. What about you? You have Bethany now.”

“I adopted her a couple of years ago. Older kids have trouble getting adopted so I wanted to help her. Being single gets lonely, y’know?” Phil chuckles. “Wow. You can get pregnant? That’s crazy.”

“Yeah. Men can get pregnant. Crazy! It’s still being researched to this day. It’s very rare,” Dan explains. “You know, when people get lonely… they usually go and adopt a dog or something, not a human.”

“Yeah, dogs are nice and everything, but you can’t exactly have a conversation with them, can you?”

“You can have a conversation with them, people would just think that you were a little crazy,” Dan grins.

Phil laughs. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you?”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Dan asks, raising his eyebrows. “Are you thirsty? Want some water, or…?”

“Uh, do you have anything besides water?” Phil asks.

“My teenage daughter is having her first sleepover, of course we have more than just water,” Dan says, before leading the way into the kitchen. “Will Bethany like any of this?” He opens up a cooler.

Phil looks down, and then he smiles. “Wow, Dan. You really nailed it,” he says, looking up at Dan. “She’ll definitely be happy with this selection.” He reaches down and pulls out a can of Coke for himself.

Dan sighs in relief. “Thank God. I’ve been stressing out about this sleepover all week!”

“Yeah, I know. It’s all Bethany could talk about,” Phil says. “She really likes hanging with Alice lately.”

“I can’t believe our daughters are best friends,” Dan sighs and shakes his head.

“Look Dan, I know we ended pretty badly, but… our daughters are best friends, and they’re happy. So, maybe we can put aside our differences for the sake of them?” Phil suggests softly.

Dan slowly nods. “Alice has never had a best friend before, I wouldn’t want this to be ruined for her,”

Phil smiles at the younger boy. “I’m glad you’ve been doing well, Dan. I think about you from time to time, and wonder how you’re doing. In a totally non-creepy way, swear it!” He says, letting out a laugh.

Dan blushes. “It’s been fourteen years since we dated, Phil, you still think about me?”

“In a totally non-creepy way,” Phil repeats, grinning when Dan laughs loudly.

Phil’s glad they can be like this around each other, even after the way they ended. He’s missed Dan, and he’s glad they Dan will be in his life again now that their daughters are best friends.

“Girls, pizza is here!” Dan yells from the bottom of the stairs, chuckling when he instantly hears footsteps. Dan takes the pizza into the living room. “Thanks for getting the plates.”

“No problem,” Phil says, sitting down on the couch.

“So, do you still not like cheese?” Dan asks, setting the pizza down on the table.

“Whoa. Hold on a second, you don’t like cheese?” Alice asks as she and Bethany walk into the room.

“Seriously, I’ve known you for four years and I’ve never known that you don’t like cheese,” Bethany says. “This is impossible. How are you even my father?”

Phil laughs. “What? It’s not my fault that I don’t like cheese,” he quickly defends himself.

“He’s a weirdo,” Dan whispers to Bethany.

“Believe me, Mr. Howell, I know,” she grins as she looks up at Dan.

“I can’t believe I’m being attacked right now by my own daughter and b-” blushing at his little slip up. “Ex-Boyfriend.” But luckily, Dan doesn’t notice it, at least that’s what Phil thinks.

[incarnateirony]

The Problem with DreamHunter...

Is that there is no problem with DreamHunter.

You're probably like "wait, what?" So let me clarify: This is absolutely not a Dreamhunter!Critical post. In fact, I have a lot of accolades for DreamHunter. I'll address a few complaints I've read from a surly, never-happy swath of stan twitter, but this post isn't actually about that - it's about a pervasive cultural issue involving coded phobia and how Bobo Fucking Berens showed his level of quantum literary and social brainfunction to do everything from canonize an LGBT ship to run a far deeper and more exposing social experiment on the fandom at large.

We've all seen the gif sets. I can't find the video in my vat of poorly maintained blog, but I'm sure someone else could, wherein Bobo on Twitch was talking about being ecstatic over us seeing what he wanted us to see. To the fandom that keeps their ears open, none of DreamHunter's premise is new to us. The only new thing was a certain confirmation, "First love strikes quick."

First, to the part that is NOT the point of the post, but I feel needs addressed before people start yelling at me:

Now, this has opened up a floodgate of hard-end-stan-twitter complaining like "Oh so they didn't just kill a WOC but a queer WOC and then after-texted it?" Well, no, fam. They were setting up a queer romance of the century with her dream half and potential return to the self while facing the darkest parts of challenging the self and deleting our weaknesses, and maybe even going so far as to make a statement of self imposed biases. Wayward just wasn't picked up so they've had to funnel and condense the concept in other ways. Dark Kaia wanting to target Claire after seeing what she meant to Kaia isn't an arbitrary and random sentiment. But arguing literary romantic value with stan twitter is like arguing algebra with an ill-behaved goose, so that's as far as I'm going to take that explanation beyond "y'all are often our biggest enemies on content."

Now then... to the actual point of the post:

I've mentioned it before, but it really deserves its own rebloggable master post not attached to some overlong thread, and able to be brought into fuller scope. The problem with DreamHunter is almost nonexistent. In fact, the simple fact is: with a line that simple, it was universally accepted as a truth, whether people are screaming about tropes they want to read in the worst light before the romantic element ever got a chance to get its feet under it. Nobody's out there saying it doesn't exist. Nobody's out there downtalking that line.

THAT is the problem with DreamHunter - that there is no problem with DreamHunter. And by that, I don't mean to say we should have a problem with DreamHunter. It's that DreamHunter reveals a hugely systemic coded bias in our culture.

And honestly, I think Berens did that on purpose.

There’s a certain level of coy battle in acceptance going on. First of all, people naturally seem to accept F/F before M/M due to a bunch of cultural reasons. Mostly because F/F has been convenient to publicly fetishize while M/M freaks out dudebros that are really uncertain about themselves, so for a longer time, GA has been exposed to and accepting F/F. And I think of anyone out there, My Big Gay Author King Berens is going to understand that.

WLW still has its own stigmas, I'm not saying it doesn't, but acting like resistance to it is on any cultural coding level parallel to the stigma against MLM is a weird display of intersectional privilege and lack of awareness.

Acting like it’s coincidence that they monkey-stomp packed as many identical lines and scene arrangements into all of one episode as possible, then dropped a bomb like that episode two, is silly. We know exactly what he’s after – hell, he said he was ecstatic we saw what he wanted us to see. So the real question is, why is it that “first love strikes quick” is taken without argument from the GA but a thousand up-nods for the M/M pairing with the same content – and TBH, far far far more that could never be packed into a single episode – has people take lines like “attached at the everything” and immediately have a portion of the audience start laughing, despite the surrounding substance around it?

Destiel fandom read into yet-again heaven and hell believing DeanCas are an item; antis decided it was an insult to “annoy” them. Even the angel in the past threatening to gouge Cas’ genitals over it. Because that’s what I do when I don’t believe it but am a religious zealot. Threaten to cut dicks off to annoy people. But somehow, it’s far easier to negotiate, to these people, that the male queer coded content is a punchline, rather than either a genuine or perceived truth. Antis choose to interpret MLM as a punchline. It’s that simple. No amount of surrounding content or story thematics can convince them otherwise. 

The same substance they monkey stomped, condensed, and largely stripped down for time limitations, into DreamHunter?

I’ll give a hint: it’s the same cultural stigma that – which late night show was it, where they started playing well-edited slash videos and the audience started laughing despite it being well timed and edited? It’s that. It’s the same thing that made Ateo unable to play queer roles in the industry as being “not believably gay” despite being a gay man himself, until the Hunter Husbands. It’s a horrific stigma that the audience has been coded to bite and gnash back against M/M content unfairly to the queer male audience and it’s gross, but it’s just there, sort of in the collective mind.

I absolutely don’t think Berens, of all fucking people, is unaware of this. And I see what he did as a really, really fucking coy set of actions beneath already masterful writing.

Berens knows exactly what he’s fucking doing and has basically coded a social experiment into the show that betrays people’s biases against M/M queer pairings while allowing the saturation (largely by fetishization) of F/F pairings to do the heavy lifting for him. Nobody out here yelling that Jody could be wrong about it or that “we didn’t see a kiss so it didn’t happen LOL they’re just in a sismance” – it is what it is. And here we are.

So on a social level I am fucking fascinated to see where he takes this next.

Berens has come out swinging for the queer male community whether anybody wants to accept it or not. Which is, modernly, by our demographics, at least an equal if not the greatest portion of our primary male demographic of viewers for the show. And I'm not just talking about the fandom census. I'm talking about Nielsen's demographics shift on gender since season 10, and general Kinsey-scale-esque testing of the true target demo at large in the US. Our ads count 18-49. CW targets 18-34.

Following the work of Berens within Supernatural will give you a very blatant papertrail. It started in deeply layered subtext; his first episode Carver directed Misha to play Cas as a Jilted Lover; after that, he took Robbie's work on Cain and manifest the Colette parallel coded into our story; he chose to take Dabb's Dean-speech from 12.1 and turn it into our coffee-Mixtape-Win spree that other authors shed from their pen in his wake, just like later in season 10 people continued his Colette grind. Berens has been an internal motion for the legitimization of truly structured and admittedly intentful elements of Destiel in the show. And people can scream that they don't like or see it all they want, but it's right there -- and with DreamHunter, it was What He Wanted Us To See.

It's grossly disingenuous activism to try to accuse SPN's first overtly queer author of queerbait while internally shifting the motions of our author room mechanics towards genuinely structured and intentful romance-skewed storytelling, whether it remains subtextual or not. Especially as that author continues to throw wrench upon wrench upon wrench into the no homo gears in ways the GA is perpetually exposed to and spun into having to think about. An eternal negotiation of poignantly delivered lines that catches even the most resistant ears and at least plants a seed in their mind about something else. A true normalization of it as a potential element to the story.

The same sort of normalization hyper-condensed into DreamHunter, but as per the above discussion, far more readily accepted. I have literally heard, from people who argued the "bromance, I'm not entirely convinced" on Destiel, that DreamHunter had been "obvious" to them and the "first love strikes quick" wasn't even necessary, because everybody knew. Cue me sending simple gifsets and script line side by sides and blowing their brains because suddenly their entire world scope just got bent sideways in -- why do I accept the one while I negotiate away the other?

Well, I covered why, above.

The problem with DreamHunter, I repeat, is that there is no problem with DreamHunter. People accept and see that it exists, without argument, even going so far as to label it "obvious" from a single episode, of a highly condensed version of only a fraction of the moments of another queer-coded duo in the show, but simply with culturally differing gender dynamics.

The concern troll of "bromance" or "why not let men be close" dies here. The idea of a bromance is letting two men have a friendship with the form of openness platonic female friends can have. That's fine, that's great. Dean-Benny would be a great example of this, and even then we once again had the offset of Dean-Cas to show different operations. I might even say Dean-Sam as an idea of that, but I don't think "bromance" is necessarily needed since brothers natively have a different sort of dynamic from growing up together. But once you are going out of your way to dismiss elements that we accept in hetero pairings with a laissez-faire “duh”, or even WLW scenarios as “it’s so obvious”, because it's MLM, we have left the area of "bromance" and "why not just let men be close without making it gay" and into “I am negotiating this away due to some sort of coded unwillingness to accept it, perhaps subconsciously, even if I consciously consider myself an ally.”

And that's the true masterpiece of this social experiment Bobo planted in the Supernatural universe with DreamHunter.

The world is grossly unfair and tilted in remaining cultural stigmas about queer males after ages of repressing them to limited niche capacities and stereotypes so strong that masculine gay men couldn’t even get cast in roles as gay men, where the world reads queer men as a punch line rather than a “duh” or “it’s so obvious” or “it’s just right there”, and DreamHunter is a walking fucking social experiment putzing around in Supernatural universe that gives no choice but to pick a side of the fence once you’re aware of these things.

Whether or not it’s physically consummated does not make it not-romantic. Being queer isn’t just about sex. It’s about feelings. And yes, we want our feelings to lead somewhere, and they deserve to lead somewhere, but is Jody acknowledging Claire’s “first love” now what suddenly makes it romantic, or is it the motions, the stories, and the feelings that preceded those lines, even though they never kissed and all hand-holding could be negotiated away the same way we can negotiate away our canon touches for two very emotionally involved men? “She was just leading her through the gate because she was scared,” “she was just consoling her as she died.” See how easy that is? But we won’t do that. And now, frankly anybody that does looks like a jackass.

So why, oh why, is this treated with ambiguity? This is a canon statement of “this relationship is being in love.” It was young love - it struck quick, in only an episode - but it was love. But name an element DreamHunter has to define that love that Destiel doesn’t? If you bend over backwards and try for the handholding, I can raise you hundreds of moments of intimate style contact. Try again.

Canon just confirmed what we already knew -- that Destiel is romantic. That there is love there. And not the kind of love we dismiss as Bros. Bobo just did that. Because every element of their relationship exists in Destiel, and a hundred times more. But it was first love. Dreamhunter was young love that came quickly, and not a single soul argued. Destiel is the same showcase of love, older, more matured, grown over years with dozens more moments of contact and display -- but in the very least, those moments -- those ones lived through DreamHunter in parallel -- that’s love. Canon literally just painted those sparse, compacted down elements, these behaviors we’ve seen, these moments, as coded romantic and in love. If you take nothing else from that -- take that. The elements that build Destiel are canonically romantic, when within DreamHunter and the question is -- without any physical affirmations or DreamHunter on screen, why is it romantic to them and not to Destiel? Why do we even humor this as a discussion, though we expect it, and what does this say of the coded phobias in fandom that we even have to expect it?

Dean and Cas haven’t kissed or dual-confessed to it in public, but you know... neither did DreamHunter. Unless of course we don’t talk down the timely placement of Need Yous and Love Yous and Big Wins and whatever else like people insist on doing with the MLM arrangement. Nobody’s talking down Jody’s third person “first love,” because we know better, and there’s not a mix of MLM and ship warring in play with DreamHunter. Bromance ends at the same line platonic female friendships end. Everyone accepts that DreamHunter is not platonic. Even without ceasing previous negotiations around poignant DeanCas lines, DreamHunter has established the romantic and loving engagements in retrograde. Canon has literally confirmed -- this relationship is romantic and in love.

And until this post, not a single person has tried to argue it down as Just Young Sis Love. Because we all know. Just like, deep down, everybody knows it about the mothership, some just don’t want to accept it. For whatever reason, subconscious or otherwise. I’ll laugh if the same antis that just tried to blind parallel it to W*ncest as a proof of love, while disconnected from the very origins and confirmations of DreamHunter, suddenly start rambling that doesn’t make DreamHunter canon either once this post gets around.

Berens is a fucking master ISTG.

I mean, I guess you’re free to celebrate any network level blockades going on right now while Bobo does Big Queer Fatal Combat from within, but allow me to celebrate DreamHunter whether or not we get consummation for Destiel, an MLM-scenario ship that has to deal with entirely other stigmas on a network primarily run by a bunch of old dudes. This is there. This will never be taken away. And cheering any blockades being run against MLM content with blatant intent does not make you the gr8 person here, m8.

This post is probably gonna have a low level of spread because it’s also something that forces even Destiel fandom to negotiate with themselves too -- how many lines and moments and whatever-else have we negotiated down, talked around, and chosen to interpret in the most left field way as if arguing ourselves from the position of an anti, only to get crack slapped across the jaw in this? How many have yelled queerbait without really observing what Bobo has been doing from within, how many have to face-or-deny the unfair queerbait shouting? How many hold-outs are we putting up, ourselves, because it isn’t the type or level of confirmation we want; we’re sitting here waiting for a bigger more dramatic reveal than a third person statement like that, or what-have-you, but when it’s not “our ship” that we are eternally defending from antis, and not a ship being targeted due to a mix of ship warring and MLM social issues, this is fine? And why is it okay when it’s not The Mothership and we totes accept it for DreamHunter canonization but we’re still talking circles around DeanCas like we’re our own antis? Why do we let anti-dom spin everyone’s head up in such knots that the majority expect Dabberens to live in stan twitter, abandon narrative properties and quality, and have Sam walk in on something while they profess their love and walk away with pictures as hard sealed photographic evidence when that isn’t expected of literally anybody else?

Can anybody tell me why Bobo Bookends Berens, who penned Cain -- Dean’s kindred spirit and fated path parallel -- calling out -- as confirmed -- that Castiel was his Colette, his wife, the love of his life that knew who he was, and what he was, that loved him unconditionally, forgave him, and only asked for him to stop -- a third person perspective -- has a third person, offscreen confirmation of the same sort, with far less plot weaving, taken universally as canon without the play of shifting goalposts via MLM social stigmas and/or ship warring stan twitter getting up in everybody’s heads?

Cuz it’s the same dude, guys. Same pen. A moment nobody even dismissed or TRIED to heckle out. If we just want to go third person while dropping punchline perception, we have everything from The Angel In The Dirty Trenchcoat Who’s In Love With You to Attached At The Everything. Y’all really think Bobo Berens is out here using his own sexuality as a tool and a punchline to be laughed at though? Bobo, “I protest human trafficing and ICE engagements front line in the body walls while people are being arrested” Berens? That guy? 

You’re gonna go out of his way that hard to miss the point just because you have phobic asshats on twitter, and/or asshole haters with “opposite ships” on twitter, or it’s just not the kind YOU wanted to see for Destiel, even if it’s enough for you to take it as canon in DreamHunter, when you already Been Had It for Destiel?

Meh. So many problems with DreamHunter, in there not being any problems with DreamHunter.

All Dabberens. Every Dreamhunter moment was a Dabb or Berens written previous Destiel moment. The meaningful third party line from Jody was Berens. Just like the meaningful third party line in Executioner’s song, also by Berens. Not just a random jab - someone who knew them inside and out. And that - people will take that as canon, again, when there’s no rival ships or MLM phobias in play. Every inch of Dreamhunter (and far, far more) existed in Destiel, by the same authors, porting the same concepts across, piece by piece, and like magic, nobody protested.

And if you’re protesting, or worse if you hilariously ship Dreamhunter but reject Destiel, despite -- I dunno -- Bobo’s own book reviews on issues like queerphobia and intersectional issues -- you may want to introspect on the real reason you’re denying it.

Because that, my friends, is a strictly personal problem.

[kitesupportgroup]

Be More Chill OBCR 💛💊

So the bmc obcr has been out for a bit now, (and I love it so very much) so I decided to write down all of my favourite things it- if not for other bmc fans but for myself. Enjoy reading through everything I love!!!

****This is not finished, but I ran over the character limit so I’ll be constantly updating this on reblogs! Look out for the most recent ones!!!****

(Btw It’s not all new additions to the album but just everything)

Jeremy’s Theme:

I mean. I love the be more chill band so much.

With the universal Be More Chill sound?

How could I not love this!!!!

And the amazing theremin?

(That’s what that instrument is called)

(I looked up ‘electric stick instrument’ to figure out what it was)

It’s just terrific

100000000/10

More Than Survive:

Will Roland’s voice (and Will Roland in general)

How unenthusiastic ‘good morning, time to start the day’ is

The addition of the parts part between Jeremy and mr. heere on the recording

‘Dude!’ (Weight the options)

‘Oh god!’

Will Roland’s voice (and Will Roland in general)

When the whole cast comes in on the third ‘c-c-c-come on!’

The new hallway lines (I’ve literally never noticed him before)

The dramatic music when Rich writes on Jeremy’s backpack

‘Oh! It’s a sign up for the after school play!’ *pause* ‘It’s a sign up sheet for getting called gay’

‘End scene’

‘Christiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine’ (new harmonies+notes ahhhhh!!!!!!)

‘No need to wallow, no’

Will Roland’s voice (and Will Roland in general)

MICHAEL!!!!

Just George Salazar

Just Michael Mell

‘You look like ass, what’s wrong?’

‘My mothers would be thrilled!’

‘That’s... good?’

[I was gonna say] ‘Getting atoned in my basement’

THE CHRISTINE HARMONIES YALL HAVE MY HEART

The band is so incredible I can’t

The ooooooooooooooo harmonies when Jeremy is signing up for the play

‘Gayyyyyy!’

‘I like gay people’

THE WHOLE LEAD UP TO MORE THAN SURVIVE ITS SO SOFT AND GENUINE WILL YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN

‘Whyyyy’

‘And teach me how to thrive’

THE INSTRUMENTS COMING IN AT THAT PART THEN THE NANANANANA’S

I LITERALLY LOVE THIS SO MUCH THIS PART GIVES ME CHILLS

Will’s bits AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

‘SUR VIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIII VEEE!’

‘GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GOOOOO GO!’

I Love Play Rehearsal

Stephanie Hsu. Just. She’s a queen. No- a goddess

The way she says ‘because it is fun.’

And the pause between ‘because it is fun’ and ‘...I love play rehearsal’

‘not depressed as in like’ bit

MAD GIGANTIC FEELINGS

‘I also have a touch of ADD

where was I?

Oh, right!’

‘The way it works out in the Pla-aa-y’

‘Centre of attention’

‘That was, really one of my best roles’ THAT VOICE💛

‘Do you find that? *pause that Jeremy clearly cant respond in time* Cause I totally find that!’

‘Why-y-y-y-y’

‘I *punch* LOVE *punch* PLAY REHEARSAL!’

‘Hives’

‘Why’m’

‘There’s also a part of me that wants to do this *adorable weird noises* yasss’

‘So I did it *giggles*’

‘My brain is like bzzz, my heart is like wow’

‘And it’s starrrrrting,

starrrrrting

it’s starrrrrrting,

sooooooooooooooon’

More Than Survive (Reprise)

I’m sorry. A NEW SONG?!

I LOVE IT AND THE TONE AND TUNE AND BAND AND WILL

the fact that ‘at least I didn’t have a breakdown, and have to go to the nurse’ suggest that this has happened to Jeremy before I NEED TO PROTECT HIM

Just the whole set up- it’s what touching my hand aimed to do but shorter and wonderful

The Squip Song:

I realise I’ve added this to everything but Gerard Canonico and his voice I love him

The start instrumental

The way he sings ‘girlfriend’ (idk why i just love)

‘Gross’

‘Futile quest’

‘I would trip!’

‘Then then, Then then, Then then, Then then, Then then, Then then, I got a SQUIP!’

‘You got quick?!!’ Jeremy is so excited aw

‘Not quick. SQUIP’

That entire conversation

Just the entire: It's from Japan

It's a gray, oblong pill

Quantum nano-technology CPU

The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until

It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do’ part

And of course ‘so... it’s like drugs?’

*deep breath*

‘IT’S FROM JAPAAAAAAAAAAN!’

The techno ness on Rich’s voice

The band

THE HARMONIES

‘Almost hopeless’

‘Yeah, your whole life will flip’

‘Squi-I-I-p’

ALL OF THE SQUIIIIIP BITS WOAH rich GO OFF

Two-Player Game:

Can I just say- one of the cutest songs ever

The part where the intro is all slow after Jeremy and Michael are yelling so excitedly I laugh at it every time

The whole intro sequence basically

The band is amazing

Will and George’s voice’s sound so good together 💛

Michael YOU ARE SO DAMN CUTE

‘pac-man tattoo!’

‘Guys like us!’

‘Listen, bro’

Zombie! Watch out! Ah! Aoh! Awww’

Will’s voice ahhhhHH

‘Dude, I know, I get it!’

‘But we’re not in college’

‘All the same’

‘Ahh! Ohh... ZOMBIE! BLOOD! CLAWS! Pause’

YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NY FAVOURITE PERSON IS SO CUTE

‘I’m your favworite pwerson’

JEREMY’S CUTE LIL ‘yes! *giggle*’

‘Conquer it!’

‘Two... PLAYER GAME!!!’

THE BAND IS SO AMAZING

‘Two player gammmmmme!’

THE LAST FEW HARMONIES I LOVE

The Squip Enters:

Woah it’s so short but I have so much to say

STARTING OFF BY JUST SAYING HOW GREAT THE BAND AND SOUND DESIGN FOR THIS IS I MEAN WOW

Jason Tam’s Squip voice 💛

‘What the hell?!’

Will’s screaming and yelling and noises I love

Christine is so concerned!!!!!!!

‘Mild?!?!’

Jake. That’s all. 💛

‘Oh- wait. I’m fine. I jus-‘

‘Discomfort level may increase’ *yelling intensifies*

‘Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processer. Your SQUIP.’

Jeremy is so awestruck and cute

‘You look like Keanu Reeves!’

‘But I can see you may prefer to take instructions from Batman, Beyoncé, a sexy anime cat girl with a tail’ ‘KEANU’S FINE’

‘Can everyone see you?’ ‘I exist only in your mind. All they see is you having an animated conversation with yourself- so don’t do that.’

‘Like in X-Men?’ ‘I can see this is going to be difficult’ OH BURN OH DAMN I LOVE IT WOAHH (really tho this makes me laugh so much every time)

‘You want to be more chill?’

‘Oh, you mean cool!’

‘I do not’

Be More Chill, Pt. 1:

Okay but the Squip enters moves so smoothly into be more chill pt.1 woah

NEW INTRODUCTION ITS AMAZING

The ‘c-c-c-Come on’

THE ENTIRE KEY THAT THE BEW INTRO IS IN THO

THE WAY JASON SINGS ‘outdated’ assffhfkglsherb

‘I’ve arrived now, this is not a drill’

‘Be. More. Chill’

‘wow’ (Jeremy you’re so cute)

‘Oh but I am a masturbator’ ‘we’ll fix that’

‘I thought I was more of a... geek?’

‘Wha- stammer? N- I I I. I don’t stamme-‘

‘Non existent’

‘Buh’ ‘Uh-’ ‘Buh?’ ‘Uh!-‘ ‘No.’ ‘UH!’ ‘Stop.’ ‘DOGH!’

‘Everything about you is so terrible’ ‘Terrible?’ ‘Teribble’ ‘oh’

Jeremy sounds so dejected and sad on that ‘oh’ I need to protect him

‘....makes me wanna die’ *hyperventilating*

‘So DONT freak out’

‘It says Eminem’

‘If you’re so astute, what’d’ya need me for?’

‘I envision a future in which you wear a Eminem shirt and things turn out well’ *foreshadowing*

When the whole cast starts singing ‘everything about you sucks’ you can hear individual voices in it and at one point I swear you can hear George doing some weird voice and I love it

‘Now you try picking a shirt’ ‘That’s a girls shirt’

‘Jerry?’

‘Jerry-me’ or ‘Jerry-my’ (I always think of Jeremy being shocked about Chloe talking to him so he’s just like ‘Jerry? Me!’

‘Oh- Hi, Brooke’

‘You look sexy.’ ‘I cant say that to a hot girl- AOWWW’

‘LOOKING-PRETTY-SEXY-BROOKAHH’

‘No! Yess (????!)’

The entire round part I LOVE IT

‘Just like this HAHA’ SO ADORABLE

‘So who was this mystery girl?’

‘Oh you’ve probably never heard of (SQUIP HELP ME OUT HERE)’

‘Madeline’

‘What.’

‘She’s Fre-e-e-e-e-ench!’

‘She is not French! She just pretends to be for attention’ *radiating disdain*

Brooke is SO CUTE

‘Yeah- I mean- (????!!!!!)’

‘Because she was cheating on me-E-eeee-E-eeee-Eeeeeeh’ (YES I LOVE)

‘Hey. Hamlet. Be. More. Chill’

Leading into do you wanna ride!!!!

Do You Wanna Ride?

Okay but Lauren Marcus is literally amazing

And Brooke is amazing

The way the Squip and Jeremy day ‘Yes!’ At the sane time

‘Mich-ael’

Brooke is trying so hard to be seductive and it’s so damn cute

‘Do you wanna get inside my mothers car?’

‘Ah, hah’

‘We gotta stop for frozen yogurt first!’

When the incredible Katlyn Carson comes in GO CHLOE

Harmonies 💛💛

The band 💛💛

And, of course:

‘PII-IIINNNIN-IN-IN-IN-INK berrrrryyyyy

*giggles* ‘Au revoir’

SHE’S BEING FRENCH TO IMPRESS JEREMY

SHE’S SO CUTE

Be More Chill, Pt. 2

‘Repeat after me’

‘Everything about me is just... terrible’

‘Good.’

THE SQUIP IS SO MANIPULATIVE

‘Everything about you makes me wanna die’

‘Everything about me makes me... wanna die?’

‘Now you’ve got it.’

THE WAY THE BAND COMES IN

‘ABout you’

THE CAST

JASON TAM

‘Cool’ ‘Cool!’ ‘And powerful’ ‘wow!’ ‘And popular’ ‘*giggles* ‘incredible’ ‘woah!’

The accordion thing in the aforementioned section? Amazing

‘You wi-i-i-i-i-i-ill’

‘Be More Chilll! *giggles*’ JEREMY YOU ARE SUCH A PRECIOUS BEAN

*squip, probably face-palming* ‘be more chill’

THE CAST

Sync Up

*ahem* SCREAMING

THIS NEW SONG

IS AMAZING

I

LITERALLY

CANNOT

I have so much to say

Let’s go

First of all, the original more than survive reprise starts us off. I love it

‘C-c-c-Cmon, c-c-c-cmon go g-AHHH!’

‘I’m inside your brain’

I can’t write all of the lyrics as highlights but just know that all of the lyrics are highlights

‘Let’s sync up!’

‘Those facts are not mutually exclusive’

I LOVE HOW THIS SONG SHOWS EVERYONES FLAWS AND FEARS

‘I’m shook, I’m blah, I’m just-’ ‘there-there’ ‘Brooke!’ ‘I’m sorry’ ‘it’s not fair’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘I know’ ‘oh we so sync up’

That entire bit I just

‘But as soon as she shares it, they ignore her’ ‘that’s sad. What should I do?’ *pause* ‘you should ignore her*

‘Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-A’

‘The only controller you need is your mind!’

‘Looks like Jeremy’s killin’’

The electronic ‘lets sync up’ bits

THE BAND IS SO AMAZING THE ELECTRONIC COMPONENTS AND THE EVERYTHING

[your-old-enemy]

Relapse (Stanlon)

I finished this for @atypical-it-ships, and I hope you all enjoy it!

Edited by myself with the help of Google Docs so any mistakes are my own.

!!!!WARNINGS: Death mention, suicide mention, self-harm mention and smut!!!!

Read it on Ao3

~~~~

Being the scrawny, Jewish kid in a group of misfits - of losers - wasn’t so bad, because they all had something that made them different from the rest of the riff-raff kids in school. What was difficult, was being the scrawny Jewish kid in the small town of Derry where most people were devout Christians. Things got even more difficult when he realised that the rumours about him being gay were true, and then life was pretty terrifying once he started dating the homeschooled kid from the only black family in the whole of Derry.

Stan Uris was a walking target, just like the rest of his friends but being with Mike Hanlon made him forget about all of that. He’d have slurs thrown at him from every direction at school while Mike wasn’t there to defend him, his parents tried to convince him he wasn’t gay to begin with and that even if he had to go through this ‘phase’, that he didn’t have to be experimenting with a black boy. Running errands for his mother, and walking through town he would always receive weird looks from grown adults and he’d hear the kinds of things they would say to their children as they walked by him. Hell, he took regular beatings just like Mike, Bill, Richie, Eddie and Ben, just for being gay. They all had their qualities that had Henry Bowers and his goons seeking them out for a good beating. The only time Stan ever felt safe was when The Losers Club were together at the quarry or hiding out on the Hanlon farm on the outskirts of town. Even then, there was always a hint of fear running through his body but he felt at peace when he was in the arms of the boy he loved.

Stan and Mike had the relationship that many people envied - they never fought, and they easily resolved their disagreements, that was until it was time to apply for college and the young men realised that they had different plans.

~~~~

The young lovers were in Mike’s bedroom in the large farmhouse he lived in with his parents and his grandparents. They were in the middle of the floor , surrounded by books and brochures full of information on prospective colleges, and Stan couldn’t decide on the best few he wanted to apply for. He hadn’t decided what he wanted to do with his life, but he knew he wanted to get as far away from Derry as he could - he wanted to live somewhere where their love would be acknowledged and accepted by the people around them and not just their handful of close friends. Stan didn’t want to be a freak and an outcast anymore.

“What do you think, baby-love?” Stan asked, his voice muffled by the thick book covering his face. “I think we should just apply to them all, and whatever one we both get accepted into together, we’ll take it. Do you agree?”

“Uh-”

“Or maybe we choose two each that we both like, and hope we both get into at least one of them .” Stan continued, not giving his boyfriend a chance to speak. “We can get so far away from this damn town. Are you excited?”

“Stan..” Mike sighed, making Stan put down his book and look at him. “We need to talk about these college plans, Lamb. I…”

“What is it?” Stan asked, a worried frown tugging at his eyebrows. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I know you’ve never been in a school, but college is a whole new experience for me, too. It ’s all new and different.”

“ It ’s not that,” Mike assured him with a shake of his head. “ It ’s… I… I can’t leave the farm, Stan.”

Stan didn’t understand, and he looked at Mike for a moment in silence to see if he was being serious or if he was just messing with him.

“You can leave, Mike. Are your family trying to keep you at home?” He asked.

Mike shook his head in response to Stan’s question before answering.

“No, Lamb. It’s nothing like that, it’s just that.. Well, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave the farm and I don’t want to leave Derry. I grew up here and I want to stay here.”

Stan couldn’t believe what Mike was saying to him right now. They’d had plans, promises, for years to leave Derry and start the rest of their lives together in the city far away from peoples bias’, and now here he was listening to Mike admit that he didn’t want to leave.

“That’s it?” Stan asked in disbelief, his voice more than a whisper. “You’re not even going to talk it out or think it through, you’re just staying?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, Stan. This isn’t just a last minute decision I’ve made.”

“Well, you never mentioned a thing about it. Don’t you think you should have let me know before now you didn’t want to come to college with me?”

“Yes,” Mike sighed. “I should have said something long before now, but also I could have made it much worse and waited until the last literal minute, after being accepted and completing all of our plans.”

Stan knew Mike had a point. It was bad, and not at all what he’d been expecting but it also could have been much, much worse than it already was.

“Will you think about it a little more?” He pleaded, looking down and picking up the brochure for Harvard. “At least send off a few applications, and see what your options could be, please? You can make your final decision in a few more months, but you should at least try. You might never forgive yourself otherwise.”

Mike opened his mouth to protest, to tell Stan that he’d already decided but when he saw that hopeful look on his boyfriends face, he nodded.

“I’ll apply to a couple, and see what my options are.” He promised.

~~~~

Mike had already decided back then. He was staying on the farm with his family and one day he would take over and run it himself, with his own family. He did as promised, and he applied to three different colleges that Stan also applied to but he wasn’t nervous about acceptance or rejection letters because he knew either way there was no way he was going to college.

After a few months of waiting, pretending to be as nervous as Stan and the rest of The Losers, Mike’s three acceptance, full-scholarship letters arrived in the mail and he tossed them all in the trash but somehow Stan found out and he wasn’t happy.

“You promised to think about it!” Stan yelled, his face flushed red and the veins in his neck visible as he strained his voice. “Why did you even bother, huh? You wasted time applying just to keep me happy!”

“That’s what’s important, Stan!” Mike yelled back. “Keeping you happy has always been my only priority. You wanted me to apply, so I applied but that doesn’t mean I want to go.”

A beat of silence passed between the two men before Stan spoke again.

“Did you even think about it?” He asked.

Looking down at his feet, Mike sighed and shook his head. “No..”

“Then why did you-”

“Would you stay?” Mike interrupted Stan, looking at him again.

“What?”

“If I asked you to stay.. Would you stay? Or at least think about it?”

They both knew the answer to that, and Stan swallowed around the lump in his throat, not saying anything.

“We don’t want the same things anymore, Stan.” Mike spoke, still keeping the length of the room between the two. “Maybe we used to, or at least we thought we did. This, though, is where I’m meant to be and I ’m never going to ask you to stay here and be unhappy .”

“So, I guess that’s it then,” Stan whimpered, his voice trembling and cracking as he tried not to cry. “I didn’t think it would end this way.”

Mike was the one who cried first. He stood there in the corner, a huge hunk of a man sobbing like a baby as his entire world crumbled around him. Stan crossed the room and pulled Mike down into his arms, holding him while they both cried and Mike clung to the back of Stan’s shirt.

“We could try long distance,” Stan suggested. “But you know, eventually , we’ll end up right back here again but further down the line.”

Mike nodded. He didn’t want this to end, to be away from Stan forever but he knew he needed to let him live his life the way he wanted to.

~~~~

Stan had left with a tearful goodbye to all of his friends, and one last night in bed with Mike but he slipped out of bed unnoticed in the morning - he thought. Mike knew Stan was sneaking out, and he was awake but pretended to sleep so that he wouldn’t have to watch him leave.

All of the losers kept in touch via a group text that Eddie had set up the first day that one of them left Derry. They all wanted to talk every day so that they wouldn’t forget about each other, but any communication between Mike and Stan was kept to an awkward minimum. They would travel back to Derry when celebrating holidays and birthdays with their families, and they’d travel throughout the year to visit one another but Stan put off going back to Derry for as long as he could but his parents got sick of him skipping out on their family Hanukkah traditions and they talked him into coming home.

On his way into Derry in his beat up old car, that his good friend Patty called his ‘Sedanley’, Stan had one stop to make before going to his childhood home. The Hanlon Farm. He couldn’t have stopped himself even if he wanted to, because as soon as he saw the sign for Derry, it was like he was drawn right to Mike and he couldn’t force himself to keep on driving past. He took the turning on the right for the farm and drove up the winding road, leaving dust clouds in his wake.

Mike was outside tending to the pigs when he heard a car coming up the road. When he saw it at first, he didn’t recognize it, but then he saw the curly hair and crisp, clean shirt behind the steering wheel and he knew who it was. Wiping off his hands on the rag hanging from his pocket, Mike crossed the field to greet his visitor. As he approached the car, he could see Stan sitting inside talking to himself, arguing with himself, but the poor man looked like he needed help so Mike approached and knocked on the drivers window before Stan rolled it down and looked out up at him.

“Can I offer you a glass of fresh lemonade, sir?” Mike offered, a hint of teasing in his voice. “You’re gonna get cold just sittin’ out here in your car.”

“Thank you, lemonade would be great.” Stan replied, getting out of the car once Mike took a step away.

Out of his car, Stan followed Mike into the empty farmhouse. His grandparents had died and his parents moved out of town but still, Mike stayed. Inside the house looked just the same as Stan remembered it, with more of Mike’s personal touches throughout the house rather than it all being confined to his bedroom.

“Nothing changed much,” Stan commented, breaking the silence between them as they entered the kitchen.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Mike laughed, pouring lemonade into two glasses. He had a lemon tree out in the yard, and it was his favourite drink to make. So much sugar.

Stan sipped on his beverage once Mike handed it to him. The two of them stood there, drinking, in awkward silence.

“I didn’t think you’d ever be back in town.” Mike said, breaking that silence himself this time.

“I didn’t plan to, but my parents convinced me to be here for the holidays.”

“So, you’re leaving again after Hanukkah?” He asked.

“As soon as possible.”

Mike just nodded in response, his heart trying to climb up his throat to jump out onto the hardwood floor.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Stan spoke again, looking around the kitchen. “I… I couldn’t help it, I guess. So, if anyone asks, you never saw me.”

“What’s one more secret between two old lovers, huh?” Mike asked rhetorically with a soft chuckle that hid under his breath.

What could it hurt?

Stan wasn’t in love with Mike.

Stan wasn’t hung up on Mike.

Stan was just here wasting time before he had to face his parents and their interrogation.

Without another word passing between the two, they were on each other. Their glasses of lemonade were set down and the two of them were pressed flush together with their lips moving together in a memorised dance that had been perfected years ago. It was like a drug, addictive to the two of them and neither of them wanted to stop, so they didn’t. Their hands roamed the familiar paths across each other’s bodies as Mike guided Stan backwards through the house to the foot of the staircase then he scooped Stan into his arms and carried him upstairs to his childhood bedroom, which also had changed little but Stan was too busy to notice as Mike laid him down on top of his bed, parting from the kiss, making Stan whine.

“Tell me to stop.” Mike whispered against Stan’s ear. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

“Don’t stop.”

Mike’s lips were back on Stan, but this time kissing down the soft, tender skin of his neck while his fingers worked out the buttons of his shirt to expose more and more skin. Each button that came undone, allowed Mike to kiss lower down Stan’s chest and his stomach until he reached the waistline of his khakis.

“Don’t stop.” Stan repeated when he sensed Mike was hesitating, ready to ask again.

Mike did as Stan told him , and his fingers moved to Stan’s belt next and then undid his pants. the two of them were naked together on Mike’s bed, kissing again as their bodies moved together, cocks slicked with spit and rubbing together in the large palm of Mike’s hand. Both men were so worked up after being apart for so long, that it didn’t take too much effort for them both to reach their climax and cum all over one another with desperate cries of pleasure. Mike hadn’t thought very far ahead, and as he rolled off of Stan and laid beside him, he half expected Stan to curl up against his side and fall asleep with his head on his chest just like he used to, but not this time. This time, Stan got off of the bed and went to Mike’s bathroom with his clothes to clean up and returned a minute later dressed and put back together like nothing had even happened while Mike sat on the edge of his bed with his boxers pulled back on over his hips.

“Stan-”

“Mike, don’t. This isn’t… I don’t have to have you, and I don’t need to need you. Okay?”

Mike swallowed hard, his eyes stinging with tears at Stan’s words.

“I was chasing a high, so please don’t think I’m coming back. This was just a…” He paused, looking for the right word to describe what they did.

“A relapse?” Mike offered, and Stan nodded.

“This was just a relapse.” Stan confirmed, and in just a few minutes he was gone without a trace.

Stan had lied, though. He came back once more before he left, giving Mike a small Christmas present while he was there, and that wasn’t the last time Mike ever saw Stanley. Stan stopped by the farm every time he was in town for something, despite having said it was over because it was hard to stay ‘sober’ whenever he missed Mike. He would show up at Mike’s door every time he tried to quit and they referred to it as falling off of the wagon.

~~~~

The last time Stan turned up at Mike’s door, was the night after Stanley’s father’s funeral. Stan wasn’t drunk, but he was drunk on Mike and he needed to forget. Mike could never turn Stan away, when he was hurting. The two of them got their high together in the empty barn they’d used countless times as teenagers - Stan felt like he was floating when Mike was buried deep inside him, reaching spots he forgot he even had, hitting them with every grind and snap of his hips that made Stan cry out to all of the gods that might be out there, because that’s what Mike did to him. Mike knew no sweeter taste than Stanley’s lips, or the slick that leaked from the tip of his cock while he was being stretched open on Mike’s long, thick and rough fingers and there was nothing more heavenly than pushing into Stan’s hole as it quivered and clenched around his cock.

That night, they cuddled afterwards. Mike held Stan as they laid on the plaid blanket spread over the straw in the barn, avoiding the wet spot right in the middle, and Stan cried. He cried over the choices he had made, the things he’d given up and he cried for losing his father, but in that moment he felt at home in Mike’s arms.

“I don’t want to leave,” Stan admitted, once he finished crying.

“What?” Mike asked, shocked and convinced he had imagined what Stan just said.

“I don’t want to go back to LA, I want to stay here, with you.”

“Stan…” Mike’s stomach churned and his blood ran cold, making the tips of his fingers tingle and his hands shake. “There’s something you should know.. I would tell you before you left, but now-”

“What is it?” Stan asked, sounding much like he did the night Mike told him he didn’t want to go to college with him, and Mike felt like the biggest douche in the whole country.

“I met someone-”

“You… You what?” Stan asked with a nervous laugh.

“A girl.. I’m bi.. And she’s moving in.”

Stan felt his heart shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. He pushed away from Mike like he’d been burned and he stood, pulling on his clothes as as he could - covering up the thin, white scars he’d been hiding for years but only Mike knew about.

“Stan, baby, stop. Please, let’s talk about this!” Mike begged.

“What is there to talk about?!” Stan sobbed, trying to get his shoes on. “You’ve got a girlfriend, a serious one and she’s coming to live here with you!”

“But I need to make sure-”

“Make sure I ’m not going to tell her?” Stan scoffed. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not telling anybody about any of this. I was never here, remember?” He spat the words at Mike, although it was himself he was angry with.

Mike re-dressed himself and followed Stan, begging him not to go yet, to stay until morning so he could calm down and they could talk about all of this. He wanted to explain everything, but Stan moved too fast for him, jumped in his sedan and sped off without looking back.

Stan would never return to Mike, never relapse with his old lover, not his human one anyway. When he got home after driving all night, he would reunite with his old, cold, metal lover in the comfort of his bathtub. How romantic.