#i’m sure cas is past his denial

[hippiegoth97]

Into the Fire: An Eddie Munson x Reader Story Pt. 1

A/N: Hey, everybody! The time has finally come. My two-year project, Into the Fire, is (almost) finally complete. I originally published this on Wattpad, but I’ve reformatted and edited the hell out of it to make it neater for this platform. This story has been my baby, a work of love and devotion to the fictional man that resides in my heart: Eddie Munson. I’m excited to share it with all of you, as it’s my proudest achievement. If you’re ever curious to know who I am as a writer, as a fan, and as a person, this is it. Please like, comment, reblog, follow to your heart’s content. And if you’d like to join my tag list, feel free to let me know. 

Collage by me :)

Masterlist

Tag List: @rafescurtainbangz @voyeurmunson @xxbimbobunnyxx @taintedcigs @mediocredreams

@slowandsteddie @angel-munson @eldermayfield @munsonsbtch @babygorewhore

@rattkween86 @violetpixiedust @bimbobaggins69 @purplehazed-h @morning-rituals

@eddie-van-munson @msgexymunson @munsoneightysixx @impmunson @mysticalstar30

@jenniquinn @oneforthemunny @succubusmunson @ddeadly-succubus @prettyboyeddiemunson

@sanctumdemunson @stalactitekilla @s6raphic @hellfirenacht @birdysaturne

@ohmeg @h-ness1944 @pretendthisnameisclever @ahoyyharrington @micheledawn1975

@costellation-hunter @josephquinnsfreckles

Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: Mentions of blood, smoking, crying, angst, smut, teasing, fingering, use/mentions of drugs and alcohol, orgasm denial, small argument, oral sex, unprotected sex, praise/degradation, squirting

Word Count: 15k

Divider by @strangergraphics

Part 1.1: Fast Times at Hawkins U

Friday, March 10th, 1989

"Can I please host Hellfire here this weekend, Mom? The theater room is being repainted, and the Wheeler's have temporarily banned us because Mike is grounded. This campaign is really important, weeks of work have gone into this." You're sitting on the couch, listening to your brother Dustin pleading with your mother in the kitchen.

"I don't know, Dusty. You know we don't have a lot of extra money to spend on food for all your friends. I love that you have a good bond with them since Will moved away, but isn't there somewhere else you can go?" Your mother has always been worried about money since Dad skipped out on you. You'd initially offered to get a job once you were out of high school, but she insisted you focus on college and just 'enjoy being young before it's too late'.

"See, I knew you'd be concerned about that, but everyone else is bringing snacks and stuff. You won't need to worry, Mom. We won't ask you for anything, I promise! We just need the space, nobody else's house is big enough for everybody." You can't help but smile to yourself, Dustin always thinks of everything. He's always been a sweet, considerate kid. Sure, he’s passionate about his interests, but he never wants to add to your mother's burden. He may be young, but he’s smart enough to understand that she isn't made of money. Most kids would throw a fit or cry, but not Dustin. He thinks logically, working around every problem like a little mastermind.

"Oh, alright! As long as you clean up after yourselves, and try to keep the noise down when it gets late, you can host your club, sweetie." Mom has a hard time saying no when Dustin eliminates any concerns she’s posed, which admittedly isn't hard to do.

"Thanks, Mom! You're the best!" He cheers as he squeezes Mom tightly in a hug, she returns it with just as much strength. Your family is notorious for lung-crushing hugs. When they finally loosen their grip, Dustin jumps into the air in excitement. "I'm gonna go call everyone and tell them we're all set to go!" He rushes past you to the phone, rapidly dialing each member of the club, manically telling them your home is officially a hosting place for D&D starting tomorrow after school. Once everyone has been let in the loop, Dustin collapses back into his chair, catching his breath.

"You must be really excited for this campaign, huh?" You tease him.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am! It's probably the most important one we've ever had. And the longest, too. Eddie's been planning it for months." He beams at you, eyes wide and his smile impossibly large. But the thing that really stirs your interest is the mention of the club's leader, Eddie.

"Eddie's still leading you guys? I figured he would've passed the title down after he finished school." You remember him from high school, he just barely graduated in '86 with your class after being held back twice. Everyone expected him to drop out, but you admired the fact that he proved them wrong. You've always thought he was cute, but you ran in more academic circles. You weren't popular by any means, you were still a full-on nerd. But Eddie never treated you poorly. In fact, it was the opposite. He may act tough sometimes, but he's a big softy when he lets his guard down. You’re excited for him to be here, in your house, for three whole days. It’ll give you plenty of time to check him out, maybe even make a move if he isn't too busy with the game.

"Yeah, he meant to pick one of us to take over. I guess he gets kinda lonely and wants to stick around. He works sometimes, but when he isn't there's not much for him to do. His uncle works at the plant all night and sleeps all day. And everyone else is either in college or still in high school. So, the club is really all he has going on right now. He would have the band too, but the others have all gone out of state. He misses them a lot. We all do. They're some of our best players, really decent guys, too." Dustin's eyes look so sad, he really feels bad for Eddie. And you can't help but have sympathy for him as well. He made a place for freaks and geeks to feel accepted, and in the end, he's the one who got left behind. "Oh, shit. Don't tell him I told you any of this. He doesn't even acknowledge being lonely, I just couldn't help but pick up on it. He'll be so embarrassed if he knows I said anything." Dustin's eyes widen as he tries to right his mistake. You just smile at him.

"I won't say a word, Dusty. Your secret is safe with me. It's nice that you're so concerned for him, though. He's lucky to have you as a friend." You stand up to go to bed, ruffling his hair as you walk past. "Goodnight, kiddo." You call after him. You're halfway down the hall when a thought occurs to you, one that could benefit both you and Eddie. You walk backwards to face Dustin again. "Hey, would it be cool if I watched you guys play? I don't want to throw off your flow by trying to learn to play during your 'important' campaign. But I'd like to see how it goes, and maybe join you guys next time?" His eyes light up at your suggestion. He's tried for years to get you to play, but it didn’t seem like your style. But now that Eddie would be taking up temporary residence in your home, you figured now was as good a time as any to seek it out.

"Yeah, that'd be awesome! And I'm sure everyone would be cool with it." He takes a moment to think over your sudden motivation to join the club, finding it suspicious. "Wait a minute...you've never been interested any of the times I practically begged you to play. What's changed?" He quirks an eyebrow at you curiously.

"Oh, you know. I figure I should finally see what all the fuss is about. You've worn me down, kiddo." You reply nervously. You hope he'll take the bullshit, but it's unlikely. He's too smart for that.

He gives you a knowing look, smiling just a bit too big. "You sure it has nothing to do with Eddie staying in our house for three days?" Your eyes widen, he always sees right through you. Damn this kid's intellect. You don't dare to give him the satisfaction of being right.

"NO!" You protest, knitting your eyebrows in annoyance. "I just think life is short, and I should get some quality time with my baby brother. That's all! Now, I'm going to bed. And if you so much as imply that I like Eddie in any way when your friends are here, I'm going to smother you in your sleep!" You start walking back down the hall, ignoring Dustin's giggling. You slam your bedroom door shut, slumping to the floor as you lean against it. You dread what's to come tomorrow, Dustin is sure to blow it for you. He’s notorious for flapping his gums when he’s overly amused by something. And him discovering your crush on Eddie is one of the most amusing things he's ever heard.

You eventually climb into bed, trying to put thoughts of how badly tomorrow could go out of your mind. You try to focus on something nice, something good to help you fall asleep. Before you know it, Eddie floods your brain. You let your mind wander thinking about him. How handsome he is, with his long hair and tattoos. How soft his lips look, his deep brown eyes that shine so bright. His torn jeans, his leather jacket and battle vest, his Hellfire shirt. You imagine how all of his clothing would feel under your fingertips. You can't help but wonder what his lips taste like. Cigarettes for sure, but maybe something else too? You frequently saw him eating sweets at school, they seemed to be his weakness. So maybe he also tastes like chocolate, or artificial strawberries. Your mouth waters at the thought. You hope you have a chance to find out, though you aren't sure Eddie even sees you that way. You haven't seen him much since high school, so you aren't even sure he'd remember you. You drift off to  sleep just as you begin to imagine kissing him.

"Y/N! Hey, Y/N! Wake up! You're gonna be late!" You stir in bed, groaning loudly, pulling the comforter over your head. "Sweetie, you have classes today, and you slept through your alarm." Your eyes snap open, your mind fully realizing Mom is trying to wake you up. Your dreams were vivid and strange. Eddie was there, handsome as always. You know you were doing something with him, but the dream is slipping away from you as your mother chides you about the importance of being on time.

"Yeah, sorry, Mom. I was dreaming really heavily, but I'm getting up. I won't be late, promise." You babble with sleep still on your lips, stumbling from your bed to your dresser. You make quick work of getting dressed, barely putting any effort into your outfit. Jeans and a t-shirt will do. You brush your hair haphazardly, and don't even bother with makeup. You never really wear much anyways, but you definitely don't have time now. You run to the bathroom to brush your teeth, you can't go to class with morning breath.

"Dreaming, huh? What about?" Mom asks as she follows your path, a little too intrigued. You hope that Dustin hasn't let slip that you have a crush on one of his friends.

"Um, I can't remember. It slips away so easily once I wake up. But I'm sure it wasn't that interesting. It's usually about school." You blush as you lie, frantically going back to your bedroom to toss your books in your bag. You zip it shut and sling it over your shoulders, going down the hall to the kitchen. You grab an apple from the counter, you'll eat it on the way to school. You walk towards the entryway, slipping your feet into your sneakers. Mom follows close behind you, still digging.

"Okayyyy, if you say so. But it wouldn't hurt if you had dreams about someone. A boy, perhaps? You could stand to date someone, you've barely brought anyone home before. And you're already twenty. Men won't be chasing after you for much longer." You know Mom doesn't mean that in a hurtful way, it’s just her personal experience. Since Dad left, she's never had much luck in the small dating pool Hawkins has to offer. Especially to someone her age who has two kids. You can't help but be a bit annoyed by her prying into your personal business, though.

"Mom, I'm telling you it was nothing. And even if it was, it's none of your business. And I'm only twenty, there's plenty of time for finding a man, if I even want to do that. I'm an adult, and I'll talk to you about things like this when I want to. But I can't have this conversation right now, or maybe ever. I'm already running late. I'll be back after classes. I love you, Mom." She stands speechless with her mouth hanging open as you walk out the door. You slam it behind you, hating that her lecture has put you in a bad mood. You glance at your watch, shaking your head. Class starts in ten minutes, but it's a fifteen minute bike ride. You think you can make it if you really push yourself.

You go to the side of the house to retrieve your bike. You do have your license, but Mom needs the car for her job. You hop onto the bike, and begin pedaling as fast as you can down the road. You're panting as you pedal, struggling to take bites of your apple while you ride. You're approaching the downtown area, the streets are busy with people on their way to work and school, you have to be careful here. You're lucky enough to hit every green light as you pass the pharmacy, the library, the movie theater.

You're still a ways away from the community college, you check your watch again. Five minutes left, and you need at least eight. You look back up to see that the light you're coming to is yellow, about to turn red. You don't have time to stop, so you pedal even harder. Your lungs are on fire at this point, and you've given up on your apple.

You zoom into the intersection, just as a beat-up van begins to move forward on your right. It collides into you, hitting your front tire and knocking you over. You scream as you fall, scraping your hands and knees against the road. The apple falls from your hand, rolling into the intersection. The van stops, the tires screeching loudly. You're laying on the ground, shaking with fear. You hear the driver open the door and hop out to check on you. Other vehicles have also stopped, drivers stepping out to observe the scene.

"Oh, fuck. Are you alright?" You hear a familiar voice from the driver of the van. No, this cannot be happening. Not here, not him, not now. You feel two large hands grabbing your shoulders to sit you up to face him. You turn your head and find Eddie kneeling next to you. "Hey, you okay, Henderson?" He asks, concern lacing his voice. He does remember me. He waves a hand in front of you, but you're too dumbstruck to say anything. "Did you hit your head? How many fingers am I holding up?" He asks as he puts up three fingers.

"Three. And I'm fine, just some scrapes. Nothing to worry about. I'm gonna be late for class." You try to stand, but you hiss as you feel your palms and knees sting. You start to fall again. Eddie catches you in his arms.

"Let me see." He says, looking into your eyes. You show him your hands, they're bleeding and have little pebbles lodged in the cuts. He checks your knees, your jeans are torn, and the flesh is also scraped and bloody. "Okay, I'll get you in the van. We'll get you cleaned up and then I'll drive you to class." He stutters as he speaks, he's pretty shaken up. Eddie stands with you still in his arms, carrying you to the passenger door. He's surprisingly strong, given how skinny he is. He opens the door, placing you inside the passenger seat, gently shutting you inside.

Eddie goes to grab your bike from the road, but the front tire is busted. "Shit." You hear him mutter as he lifts it up. You see the damage, cursing yourself for being so careless. Now you don't have a way to class, unless you walk. He carries the bike to the back of the van, placing it in as politely as possible. He shuts the doors, and runs back to the front. The onlookers are still staring, making your cheeks burn red. It's so embarrassing, half the town saw you eat it in the middle of the road. Eddie waves them away, assuring he'll take care of you and your bike.

Everyone seems satisfied and moves on with their day. Traffic resumes movement, and Eddie enters the van again. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I'll do everything I can to tend to your wounds and fix your bike." He says, eyes focused on the road as he starts driving. But he's not going towards your school. Instead, he's heading in the direction of the supermarket.

"No, Eddie. Don't be sorry. I was the one rushing, risking exactly what happened just now so I could make it on time. I was being stupid. And don't worry, I'm not expecting you to do anything for me. It's my own fault, I一"

"Cut that shit out, Y/N. I don't want you to blame yourself. It wasn't exactly smart, but I'm the one that hit you. So relax, and let me help you. Shit, I forgot how stubborn you can be." He looks at you with stern eyes, serious about taking care of you. You nod silently, deciding to do as he asks. "Good, now I'm gonna go in the store and get supplies to clean you up." He says as he pulls into the lot of the market, parking as close to the door as possible. "Do you want anything while I'm in there, Henderson?" He asks.

"No thanks. I don't want to be any trouble." You shake your head.

"It's the least I can do, Y/N. I did almost run you over with my van, after all. You're sure you don't want anything?" He tentatively waits for your answer.

"It's very sweet of you, Eddie. But I promise, I'm fine. Just try not to take too long. My mom's gonna kill me if she knows I missed classes today." You plead at him with your eyes to just do what he insists on doing and get you to school as soon as possible. He nods, seeming to get the message.

"No problem, princess. Just wait here, I won't be long." He smiles at you, and leaves the van, running into the store. You can't help but look at his ass while he runs, feeling your cheeks heat up when you realize what you’ve done. You also realize something else. He called you 'princess'. You giggle at the nickname, replaying how it sounded coming from Eddie's lips. You don't even notice Eddie getting back into the van about ten minutes later as you continue to fantasize about him. "Hello? Earth to Y/N. You sure you didn't hit your head?" Eddie waves his hands in front of your face again, snapping you out of your trance.

"Sorry. I'm fine. No concussions here, I swear." Your cheeks burn even more as he's caught you daydreaming.

"Maybe not, but you're looking redder than a commie right about now. What were you thinking about?" Eddie smirks, mentally guessing what potentially dirty things played out inside your head.

You gasp at his question, feeling exposed. "Uh...nothing. Just a dream I had last night. It's not important."

"Hmm, a dream you say? And what, pray tell, were you dreaming about?" He's very curious to know if perhaps he made an appearance. He can't help but smile wider, watching your whole face turn a deep shade of crimson. He thinks you're so cute when you're embarrassed.

"It's nothing you'd want to hear about. Girly stuff. We're wasting time here, I really need to get to class." You look down at your hands, the blood on them turning a dark brown as it dries.

"Right." He sighs, frowning. He didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. He reaches into the bag of items he bought, pulling out some disinfectant and a couple rags. He opens the bottle, squirting some of the liquid onto one of the rags. You hold your hands out to him, and he takes one of your wrists. "This is gonna sting, but I have to get all the blood and dirt off before I can pick out the pebbles." You just nod to give him the go-ahead. He wipes your palm gently, dabbing away the dirt and blood. You hiss in pain, you've never had so much skin scraped off before. "It's alright, Y/N. I'm tryin’ to be quick, but gentle. I don't wanna hurt you more than I already have." His eyes meet yours for a moment, and you see his gentle expression. It makes you blush again, which he takes note of, smiling slightly.

"It's fine, Eddie. Really." You try to reassure him, but he's not convinced. He finishes disinfecting your hands, and goes back into the bag to pull out some tweezers. Eddie makes quick work of plucking all the tiny rocks out of your skin. "Ouch!" You yelp as he accidentally pinches your sore flesh, almost pulling your hand away.

"Shit, sorry. I'm tryin’ my best, some of these fuckers are tiny." He brings his face closer to your hands, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he looks over his work. He pulls out one more stone, dropping it on the floor. "And...done!" He says cheerfully, and you can't help but giggle at him. "Ha! Finally, a smile on that pretty face!" He smirks at you, and it gives you a chill. "Jeez, you are something else, Y/N." He chuckles as he pulls out some ointment and bandages.

"What do you mean?" You question, starting to feel nervous. Did he see you checking him out? No, he couldn't have. You know how to be subtle.

"Relax, Henderson. It's not that serious. What I mean though, is that you're very keen on putting on a brave face for some reason. You've got all these walls built up. You act like you don't need anybody, when clearly you do." He focuses on bandaging your hands as he speaks, the feeling of his skin on yours making you tingle.

"Is that right?" You ask incredulously. You want to feel offended by his words, but he's got you all figured out. You try your best to be independent, and you don't take kindly to people doting on you. You don't want to be a burden.

"Oh, I know I'm right. You've always been like that, even back in high school. You refused any help with bullies, or when your Dad left. You hold up the world on your shoulders, but you don't need to carry so much weight. It's not all yours, ya know." He lifts your bandaged hands up, turning them over. He kisses them lightly while making eye contact with you.

Your eyes widen, and you can't help gasping. "You don't know me, Munson." You snatch your hands away, trying to be angry with him. You hate that he sees right through you. It makes you feel like everybody else does, too. And all they see under your tough exterior is a scared little girl who can't handle anything.

"I didn't mean to offend you, Y/N. I'm just trying to help." Eddie says quietly, turning his attention to your knees. You suck in a breath at the sting of cleanser again, luckily there aren't any pebbles in your legs. You just want him to hurry up and take you to school. You’ve already got a plan hatched now. You’re going to finish out your day, go home, and tell Dustin to forget having you sit in on Hellfire tonight. You can't sit across from Eddie after he's laid everything out like this. It’s so embarrassing, and you want to hate him for it.

"Look, I appreciate the concern. But I don't need your help. I don't need anyone’s help. I can do just fine on my own, and I don't need you digging into my head like this. If I needed someone to do that, I'd see a fucking psychiatrist. Got it?" You almost yell at him, your heart pounding in your chest. His mouth falls open in shock, and he just stares at you. After a moment he's smirking again, and it gives you the urge to slap him. "Why are you looking at me like that, Eddie? Am I amusing to you?" You scowl at him. He can really be an ass sometimes.

"You are very amusing to me, Y/N. In more ways than you think. But I gotta say, you look sexy when you're angry." He chuckles, resuming his work. You can only manage to laugh with him, feeling like you've lost your mind. The fact that you yelled at him hasn't disturbed him in the slightest. Not only that, he thinks it was attractive. "And I'm not meaning to pry, sweetheart. But, can I level with you?" You nod while rolling your eyes, refusing to say anything. He might as well keep talking since you're not fully bandaged yet. "This whole defensive thing you're doing doesn't help anybody. I get why you do it, I've been there. But it seems like what you really need is someone to be there for you. Sure, you've got Dustin and your mom, but you don't seem to have anyone outside of your family. Everyone needs that, Y/N. And all I'm trying to do is be that person for you, but only if you let me. Bottling up the way you do is only going to make you explode later. And next time, it might be on someone much less forgiving than me."

You take some time to think over what Eddie’s just said, mulling the words over in your mind. He’s right. Outside of your home, you don't have anyone. All your friends from Hawkins High went elsewhere for college. And your current lab partner definitely doesn't count, either. You sigh, admitting defeat. "Alright, fine. You've got me pegged, Eds. And yeah, I'm defensive. I have good reason to be, though. I learned the hard way that you can't rely on or trust anyone." Tears begin to build in your eyes, and you curse yourself for letting your emotions get the best of you. Eddie just nods, listening to you speak. "When Dad left, it tore our family apart. He ran off with his secretary, for fuck's sake. How cliche can you get? He doesn't even send birthday cards to me or Dusty. No calls, no visits, nothing. He just up and decided he didn't want us anymore."

You sob after the last sentence leaves your lips. You can't hold back anymore, and you don't want to. You feel a rush of relief washing over you as you cry. You've never opened up to anyone about how your parents separating has affected you. Tons of people get divorced, most of them with kids. You’ve told yourself there’s no reason for you to be upset over something so normal. You’ve never allowed yourself to feel anything about it at all, until now.

Eddie finishes bandaging you up, and tosses the remaining supplies into the back of the van. Then he pulls you from your seat, and into his lap. He holds you in his arms, wiping your tears as they run down your face. Your head lays on his shoulder, and your arms are wrapped around his neck. He looks down at you with genuine care, which makes your heart swell. "I'm so sorry, princess. Your dad sounds like a real piece of shit. You deserve so much better than that." He strokes your hair, keeping it out of your eyes.

"I'm glad you think so, Eds." You sniffle. "But I can't help but wonder what I did to make him want nothing to do with me. I was only twelve. What does a twelve year old do so wrong that her own father abandons her?" You look into Eddie's eyes, begging him for the answer. But who can truly answer such a question?

"Nothing, Y/N. It's not on you, or Dustin, or even your mom. He acted on his own selfishness, that's all. I really hope you won't continue to blame yourself for that." His hand caresses your cheek, the cool metal of his rings making you shiver.

"I guess when you put it like that, it's pretty stupid. I'll try not to do that anymore." You say sadly, and he frowns slightly.

"It's not stupid, Y/N. People blame themselves all the time when they get hurt by others. I'm just saying you don't have to, because it isn't your fault. That's it. So quit insulting yourself, okay?"

"Okay. I promise." You reply quietly, nodding in agreement.

"Good. Now, let's get you to class, hm? I'm sure you missed a good chunk by now, but you'll live." He smiles at you, patting your thigh for you to get off of him. You climb back into your own seat, and Eddie starts up the van again.

It only takes a few minutes to reach Hawkins Community College, and the whole ride there is in silence. The air between you and Eddie feels different now, electric. You don't want to bring attention to it, you doubted Eddie’s even noticed. He parks right in front of the main entrance, turning to look at you. You mirror him, he seems like he's waiting for you to break the silence. "Thanks for um...driving me here. And helping me, and listening to me. You're a nice guy, Eddie." You say while looking down at your hands.

"Please, it's the least I could do. And I'll take your bike to the repair shop for you. What time are you done with classes today?" He asks.

"Uh, three-thirty. Why?" You ask, confused.

"So I can pick you up, silly. You didn't think I'd let you walk all the way home did you? What kind of man do you take me for?" He says in feigned offense, clutching his chest like you’ve stabbed him.

"Oh, well, thank you. I appreciate that, Eddie." You smile at him, and he smiles back. "I guess I should be going, I'll see you later." You turn to open your door, when you feel his hand on your arm. You turn to face him again. "Something wrong?" You ask when you see how desperate he looks to say something to you.

"No, I just一" Eddie stares at you a moment, before deciding to bite his tongue. "Nevermind." He shakes his head, laughing it off. "Have a good day, princess. I'll be back at three-thirty, 'kay?" He blushes slightly, and you wonder what that's about. Eddie is not one to blush, not without good reason. You decide to look past it, focusing on the fact that you're very late for class.

"Okay, three-thirty. Thanks again, Eddie. Really." You open the door and hop down out of the van. You groan slightly as your knees still hurt to bend, today is going to be rough. You glance back at him before closing the door. "See you later, Munson." You grin up at him.

"Later, Y/N." He replies, smirking back at you. You shut the door, turning to walk inside. You make a point to sway your hips just a bit more than usual as you walk, hoping he'll appreciate the view. He seems to because you hear him accidentally honk the horn. You turn back to look. Eddie's blushing like an idiot, smacking his head in embarrassment that his hand slipped as he was staring at your ass. You giggle as you wave coyly at him. He waves back, visibly gulping from nervousness. He shakily starts up the van, tearing out of the parking lot like he just pulled off a bank robbery.

You can't help but laugh at the sight. You made the Eddie Munson lose his cool. Not many people can boast that achievement. You run into the school, thinking about how fun this weekend is truly going to be. You only hope the clock will move faster than usual so you can see Eddie again.

Part 1.2: Do You Wanna Touch Me?

You're in your final class for the day, the large clock on the wall reads 3:25. Just five more minutes until you get to see Eddie again, he's been playing over in your mind all day. You haven't even bothered to pay attention in class, all you can think about is how big his smile is, how his voice sounds, the way his hands feel when they touch you. Luckily none of your professors have called on you like they usually do. Perhaps they’ve noticed your bandages and decided it best to let you be today. You look at the clock again, 3:27. Fuck, can't time go any faster?

You try your hardest to stop staring at that damn clock, looking out the large window to your right. It gives you a great view of the parking lot, and you just happen to see Eddie out there. He's leaning against the van, smoking a cigarette. God, he looks so hot when he smokes. You've never really gotten into it, but you wouldn't mind smoking with him. He's not that far away, but doesn't seem to notice you staring.

"Alright everyone, that's all for today! Don't forget to do the reading on microorganisms. And your 10-page essays on Bacteria vs. Viruses are due on Monday! I'll see you all next week." You're snapped out of your trance as your professor dismisses the class. You gather your things, shoving them into your bag. You dash out of the classroom, running down the halls to get outside. You push the front door open, and rush over to Eddie.

"Well, well, someone's happy to see me!" Eddie greets you as he takes another drag. You lean against the van beside Eddie, twiddling with your hands.

"Maybe. You are my ride home, after all. Is the bike fixed yet?" You ask.

"Oh, it'll be ready next week. I've got a guy who owes me a favor, so he'll do it free of charge. But I can drive you until then, if you like." Eddie says with the cigarette between his lips. He pulls the pack from his jacket pocket, gesturing it at you to offer you one.

"Oh, thanks." You grab a cigarette from the box, holding it between your fingers. Eddie pulls out his lighter, igniting it. You put the cigarette to your lips, leaning into the flame. You take a long drag, letting the smoke flow back out casually. He just stares at you as he puts the pack and lighter away. "And yeah, I guess you can be my ride." A sly smile spreads on your lips as you speak. He chokes on the drag he’s inhaling, your phrasing taking him by surprise. You playfully smack his chest and laugh. "Not like that, you pervert. You can drive me to school, as long as it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all, princess." He says, clearing his throat. "But I think you know full well what you're doing. It's cute, but very dangerous." His eyes have changed, they seem darker now. His free hand is stroking your arm suggestively, and it makes your skin tingle. You shudder at the sensation, and he smirks.

"And what exactly do you think I'm doing?" You ask, playing dumb. You can't help your heart starting to race, though, or your voice becoming unsteady. You can't stop staring into his eyes, they almost hypnotize you.

"I think you're being a tease, Y/N." He speaks to you lowly now, his tone deep and seductive. His lips come very close to yours as he speaks. "Now, I like you. And you seem to like me, too. All I'm saying is that two can play at your little game, and I always win." Eddie leans in just a little bit more, and you instinctively move to close the gap. Your eyes close as you expect to make contact with him. But before your lips can meet, Eddie moves his head back. You stumble forward in the newly empty space. Eddie laughs as you open your eyes, blushing when you realize he faked you out. "Something wrong, princess?" He teases, feigning ignorance to what he just did.

"You-" Your mouth moves but no words seem to form. You can't believe he’d play you for a fool like that. If it's a game he wants, it's a game he'll get. "You're an ass. You know that?" Is all you can manage to say. You scoot away from him slightly, crossing your arms. You glare at him, and he's just grinning like the devil. You take another drag, huffing the smoke out as you exhale.

"What? Giving up already?" He moves closer, laughing in amusement.

"What exactly are you proposing, Munson? Are you challenging me like the child you are?" You question him, cocking an eyebrow. You're annoyed, but admittedly very interested in playing with him.

"Hey, if anyone's the child here, it's you. You're the one getting all pissy. But yes, I am indeed offering you a challenge. Which you totally started, by the way." He's far too entertained for your liking, and you roll your eyes. "Come on, you mean to tell me you aren't dying to know which of us would cave in to lust first? I saw you staring at my ass when I went in the store earlier. Those automatic doors sure are reflective, sweetheart." You gasp, blushing at the fact that he did see you, and didn't say anything this whole time.

"Oh, you're one to talk, Eddie! You literally honked at me as you watched MY ass walk into school!" You poke a finger into his chest roughly. "I don't think you're as controlled as you claim you are. You know what? You're on! And when I win, you'll be sorry."

He's unphased by your words, his expression staying the same. "And when I win, you'll be mine." He whispers, and he plants a kiss on your neck. You tense at the contact, the back of your head hitting the van. "Watch your head there, Y/N. Don't need a concussion ruining our fun, do we?" He laughs, flicking his spent cigarette away. You take the last drag of yours, blowing the smoke in his face. You stomp the butt out on the pavement, and wordlessly get into the passenger side. Eddie runs around the other side, climbing into his seat. "Before we head to your place, I gotta pick up a couple members of the club. Ian and James Tanner. I'm sure you've met them before. Then we have to make a snack run, per Dustin's request. If you don't mind helping, I'd highly appreciate it." He reaches over nonchalantly to place his hand just above your knee.

You stare at his hand, feeling your body start to heat up. You're already frazzled and he's barely touched you. You meet his gaze, shocked to see him looking cool as a cucumber. Eddie smiles at you innocently as his hand travels further up to your thigh. It stays there, squeezing the flesh, and you struggle to speak. "Y-Yeah. I can help, no problem." You smile weakly. Dammit, he’s way too good at this. You'll be lucky to last until you get home at the rate he's going.

"Sounds like a plan, sweetheart." He lets go of your thigh, turning to face the steering wheel. He shifts the van into gear, pulling out of the lot a bit too fast. He may not show it on the outside, but he's just as revved up as you are. He carelessly swerves and makes turns at the wrong times. Luckily he hasn't caused an accident by the time you reach the Tanner house.

It's a small house with a broken front window. Weeds are overgrown in the yard, and a yapping chihuahua runs towards the van. Two boys are sitting on the front stoop, and they wave as you pull into the driveway. You recognize them, Dustin has had them over for sleepovers before as they're in the same grade. Ian and James are identical twins, and they’re very kind and polite. They aren't well off by any means, but they never show it. The boys stand up in unison, quickly moving to the back of the van. They climb in the double doors, tossing heavy backpacks down. A woman who appears to be their mother waves from the screen door, opening it slightly to let the dog inside. Eddie waves back, smiling at her.

"Hey, Y/N." Ian and James say simultaneously as they settle in just before Eddie peels away from their humble home.

"Hello, boys. You excited for your big campaign?" You crane your neck to speak to the boys. You make a point to be extra nice to Dustin's friends, they usually need it more than most.

"Hell yeah!" Ian chirps. James nods in agreement.

"I bet. Dusty won't shut up about it, so much so that he convinced me to sit in and watch. And maybe next time I'll join you in playing." You look at Eddie, who's eyebrow cocks at your suggestion. "Oh, I hope that's okay, Eddie." You say as you bat your eyelashes at him.

"Of course, Y/N. Who am I to deny such a pretty girl, hm?" His eyes blaze with glee, he’ll certainly use this idea against you in your little bet.

"Shit." You mutter under your breath.

"What was that, princess?" Eddie inquires. He doesn't miss a damn thing, does he? You can't help but marvel at him, tonight is sure to be interesting.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." You say plainly. You turn to gaze out the window, you don't dare look in his direction. He plays nice for the remainder of the drive to the store, blasting Metallica on the stereo. You let yourself space out, trying to cool off. How does he manage to be so sexy while doing so little? You suddenly feel Eddie shaking your shoulder to get your attention.

"Hey, space cadet. It's time to shop, let's go." Eddie massages your shoulder slightly, teasing you again. It shouldn't be making your skin light on fire, but somehow it does. You do your best to hold back a moan, biting your lip. Eddie grins at you, eating up any reaction you give him. You all exit the van, walking into the store in pairs. The twins in front, you and Eddie behind. You quickly separate from the group, some distance could help you keep calm. But Eddie has other ideas. You grab a handbasket and make a beeline for the chips, and stand for a bit deciding between Classic or BBQ. Eddie walks behind you, dragging his hand across your back as he goes past. You gasp, whipping your head to look at him. "Something the matter, Y/N?" He asks innocently.

"Nope. All good." You answer, acting neutral. You pick the BBQ chips and put them in your basket. You pretend to look at liters of soda on the other side as you walk, stopping right behind him. You bring your hand up to his head, digging your fingers into his hair. You scratch on his scalp real slow, and he moans. Ha! Point: Y/N. You stop shortly after, moving your hand away. He turns around to look at you, but your back is turned now. You act like you don't even notice him, picking up a couple large bottles of Mountain Dew. Once they're secure in your basket, you feel Eddie smack your ass. Hard. You yelp in surprise, almost dropping the basket to the floor. Point: Eddie.

"Shhh, better keep quiet. We don't want the kiddos to know what we're up to." He whispers into your ear, making you shudder. Eddie's standing very close behind you, his body heat radiating from him. You decide to get even by backing yourself into him, making sure your ass rubs right over his crotch. He whimpers at the contact. Point: Y/N. "Fuck, you don't play fair, do you?" He purrs. He moves your hair to the side, exposing your neck. He then proceeds to lick the entire length of it, all the way to your jaw.

"Jesus, Eddie. How are you so fucking hot?" You say with a lustful sigh, proud of yourself for not moaning. Although, the feeling of his warm tongue is quickly getting you wet.

"Practice, I guess. And that sexy little sigh you let out still counts, princess." Dammit. Point: Eddie. You separate yourself from him again, walking to the next aisle. Rows of shiny candy bars glisten in front of you. You make sure to get some 3 Musketeers, Dustin's favorite. You're about to grab your own favorite, when Eddie suddenly appears beside you. He grips your wrist, stopping your movement. You try to resist, but he's stronger than you. He brings your wrist up to his lips, kissing it while looking in your eyes. You stare at him, mouth agape as he kisses your arm all the way to the inside of your elbow.

You're feeling ridiculously warm in here, maybe the AC is busted. Your eyes are wide, your chest rising and falling quicker than usual. You give no other reaction, much to Eddie's dismay. He drops your arm, picking out a Hershey bar. He lets it fall into your basket. "My favorite." He says simply, and turns to walk away from you. You just stand in place, amazed at his behavior. One second, he's licking and kissing you. The next, it's like nothing ever happened. You realize now you need to up your game. But not here, this round is definitely ending in a tie. Plus, it’s only a matter of time before either the twins or an employee catches you. And you can't have that.

You eventually make your way up to the checkout, meeting the others in line. You take a moment to see what everyone else picked as the items are placed on the conveyor belt. There's quite a variety, Twizzlers, Crunch Bars, New Coke, A&W, tortilla chips and salsa, Cheetos, the items you chose, and a few other similar choices. But at the very end, are Eddie's picks. A couple six-packs of beer, a carton of cigarettes, and condoms. Fucking condoms. This man is so confident you'll put out, he isn't even embarrassed to buy them in front of you. Cocky bastard.

You lean over to speak into his ear, pulling his locks aside. "If you think you're gonna lay me that easily, you've got another thing coming." And you slyly bite his earlobe, returning to your original position afterwards. He gasps, not expecting you to make such a bold move in front of the kids, or the cashier. Nobody seems to notice, but his cheeks burn with sudden shyness. You can't help giggling at his reaction. He's very cute when he does that. He breathes out heavily, composing himself.

"That'll be $32.45, sir." The cashier says once everything has been rung up. The twins make quick work of bagging everything up while Eddie pulls out his wallet. He gives the cashier two twenties, and clumsily shoves the change he receives into his pocket.

"Thanks, man." Eddie says, going to the end of the line to grab a couple of the bags. "Alright, let's go home, little demons!" He says to the boys, and they all walk out ahead of you while shoving each other around playfully. There's one bag left on the end, the one with Eddie's special items in it. You grab it, running after them to the van. Everyone gets settled in with all the goodies, and Eddie drives to your house.

Once you arrive, Eddie turns to the twins. "Hey guys, why don't you take the bags in for us, okay? We'll be there in a minute." He smiles at them, and they nod while grabbing all the bags besides the one you still had in your hands. They run to your front door like maniacs, and you see Dustin letting them inside after they ring the doorbell. You notice a couple bikes outside in the yard, the Sinclairs have already arrived. You look at Eddie, noticing him staring at you.

"What's up, Eds?" You ask.

"Nothin’, just...thinking." He replies with a suspicious grin. Eddie takes your hands in his, lifting them to his lips to kiss them.

"What about?" You can tell he's up to something.

"About how I'm gonna make you pay for that stunt you pulled at the checkout. It was brave, but it was also a big mistake. I was holding back before, Y/N. I can do so much worse than that." He chuckles darkly. Your eyes widen, you've really done it now. "Just you wait and see, princess. By the end of the night, you'll be begging me to fuck you." He gives you a shit-eating grin, and drops your hands. He gets out of the van without another word, leaving you dumbstruck. You struggle to gather your thoughts, but all you can think is how incredibly turned on you are.

Once you're able to think straight, you grab your belongings and run to the house. You push open the door to see everyone bustling around to set up the game. A couple folding tables from the attic are standing in your living room, and Eddie makes it his mission to put everything in its perfect place. Dustin and the Sinclairs are helping him, listening to his barked orders. James and Ian are in the kitchen, putting drinks in the refrigerator and dumping the snacks onto the counter. You take the beer from Eddie's bag to add to the fridge, and then stop in your room to put your schoolbag away. You decide to keep Eddie's other items in your room, out of sight from your nosy mother. You turn to leave, and you find Mom standing before you with her arms crossed.

"Are you okay, Y/N? You didn't come home after classes like you said. Wait, what are those?!" She points at your bandages, suddenly very worried.

"Mom, it's nothing. I was on the way to school and I tried to cross an intersection too late. Eddie ended up hitting me and I fell and scraped my hands and knees." You try to keep her calm, she always spirals any time you or Dustin get so much as a paper cut.

"He did what!? And you came back here with him? Why didn't you call me?" She frantically bombards you with questions.

"Mom, I promise it's okay. He stopped and helped me, he got the bandages for me and cleaned me up. It was my fault, I went in the road when I shouldn't have. And he feels really bad about it, so, please don't bring it up. My bike did get a bit damaged, but he took it to a shop to get fixed. And he's going to drive me until it's ready, okay? Just calm down." You barely stop to take a breath, doing everything you can to keep her from throwing Eddie out on his ass.

"You can't be careless like that, Y/N. You could've been seriously hurt, or even killed! And I can't lose you, sugarpuff." Mom has called you sugarpuff ever since you were five. You don't know where the name came from, but you always liked it. She has tears forming in her eyes, and she pulls you into a suffocating hug. "You and Dusty are all I have. If anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do." You can't help but feel a bit guilty. You put your life at risk, and for what? To not be late to class one time? You hug her tight, letting her know you understand how she feels. You're her child, and you always will be.

"I'm sorry, Mom. Really, I didn't mean to make you upset. I won't be so careless again, okay? But I should go help with the campaign. I'm watching them play tonight." She lets you go when she hears that last part, looking at you oddly.

"Really? Hmm, interesting." She gives you a knowing look. Dammit, you are gonna murder Dustin for his loose lips. "Well, have fun, sugarpuff. And don't do anything I wouldn't do." You gasp, surprised that your own mother would be condoning you potentially being intimate with a certain someone who’s currently shouting about dice in the living room. She scoffs at you. "Don't be so prudish, Y/N. You're a grown woman, right? Go get 'em." She says with a laugh, going to her room to let you and the club be. She might pop out every so often for a snack or the bathroom, but she knows not to intrude when you or Dustin have company. She may be pushy sometimes, but she tries her hardest to give you space where it’s needed.

"Hey." You hear Eddie whisper from behind you, making you jump. You whip around to face him, his body very close to yours. "We're just about ready now. You wanna come sit next to me, princess?" He asks while leaning even closer to you. You wait to see what move he's going to make, watching his hand raise and aim for your chest. You start breathing heavily, anticipating his touch. He looks at you with eyes of fire, wetting his suddenly dry lips. You want him to touch you so badly, you wish he'd just do it already. You close your eyes, waiting expectantly. "Boop." You feel his finger on the tip of your nose, and your eyes snap open. Eddie fakes you out yet again, and you can't help the frustrated sigh that falls from your lips. "Aww, were you expecting something else? Seems like you'll break soon enough. Come on, it's game time." He's so smug about his effect on you, rubbing it in your face. He puts his hand out for you to take, and you do. The feeling of his warm skin on yours is electric.

You walk together down the hall, and into the living room. He leads you over to the head of the table, and you take the seat beside his. The others have already taken their places, and they notice you and Eddie holding hands. Once you're both seated, he lets your hand go, and you can't help quietly whining at the loss. He smirks at you, his moves on you working exactly as planned. Or so he thinks. You make a quick move to scoot your chair as close to him as possible. He raises a warning eyebrow at you, and you just smile at him innocently.

"Alright, everybody. Let's get this shit started." Eddie announces. "And for anyone out of the loop, the lovely Y/N will be sitting in tonight. And she might even be joining our little club." Everyone nods in approval, eager to get things moving. You watch Eddie closely as he starts the campaign, taking in how theatrical he is while he leads the story. His eyes shine bright, and his voice morphs into different characters. You can't help giggling when his voice goes high to play the women. You glance around the table, taking in how everyone plays so well together.

You do your best to pay attention to how everything works. Turns, skills, weapons, the dice, it’s a lot to take in. But it’s easy to see why everyone here enjoys playing so much. Outside of all the math and note-taking, it’s an adventure. And you can't wait to join the next one. Eddie looks over at you often during the game, though only for a moment. He's very passionate and focused when it comes to D&D. You glance at your watch, shocked to see three hours have already passed. You decide now is your time to make moves on him. The table blocks the view of your hands from the others, and you bring your right hand to Eddie's thigh. He stumbles over his words, his body tensing up under your touch. His eyes meet yours as he continues to speak, trying to keep the rest of the table oblivious to what you're doing.

Your hand slowly goes further, higher up his thigh. Eddie's heart begins to race, and he almost shouts his next sentence when you finally reach his crotch. His hand bangs on the table, causing the others to jump. "You alright there, Eddie?" Dustin asks. Everyone's eyes move to their dungeon master, watching him closely.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just uh...I think we all need a small break." He says while narrowing his eyes at you. Everyone voices agreement, and stands from the table. Dustin heads for the bathroom, and the others go to the kitchen for more snacks. You and Eddie are the only ones still seated, and your hand is still between his legs. You feel his dick hardening just beneath your fingers, and you decide to palm him through his jeans. He moans, gripping your wrist. Point: Y/N. "Christ, you're really asking for it, aren't you? I was gonna play nice for a bit longer. But now you've pushed this past the point of no return." He chuckles as he places his hand over yours, squeezing roughly. You look in his eyes with a sly smile on your face as you continue to grope him. His eyes bore into you with lust, the room igniting around the both of you.

"Do your worst, Munson. I can't imagine you can take much more of this. You talk a big game, but your cock tells me everything I need to know." You let him out of your grip, causing him to whine. He tries to stifle it, but you know you're very close to winning the whole thing. Sure, you're playing a little dirty. But he’s so sure he'll beat you, so smug about it. You can't stand to let him win.

After a few minutes, the others return to the table. Eddie proceeds with the adventure, giving his full attention to everyone except you. He isn't even glancing in your direction anymore, and it's driving you mad. You mentally beg him to look in your direction, but he doesn't answer your plea. This fucker is working his magic on you, making you desperate for anything he’s willing to give you. You try to hide your frustration, but your knee impulsively bobs up and down rapidly. Eddie only takes notice because his own knee is flush against yours. He finally gives you the attention you've been craving. A look that acknowledges your wanting, while also teasing you for it. He knows precisely how his methods are affecting you, putting his hand on your knee to make it stop bouncing. You hold back a moan, not wanting to give yourself away.

Eddie winks at you, and his own hand moves slowly up your leg. He stops at your thigh, holding his hand there. Your heart is pounding, and your panties are becoming increasingly wet the more he touches you. You're panting slightly, looking in his eyes to beg him for more. He gives you a subtle nod, while still directing the group in the campaign perfectly. Nobody notices what’s going on, because Eddie is more than capable of multitasking. He makes a point to show you just how well he can focus on two things at once. His hand migrates to the waistband of your jeans, undoing the button, and pulling the zipper down. Once your pants are open, he slips his hand inside. His eyes are not on you while he does this, he makes sure to distract everyone from what he's doing to you.

You gasp when Eddie strokes your clit over your panties, but you cover it with a cough. A few eyes move towards you, but you wave them away, blaming allergies. The attention once again returns to Eddie. His hand continues to stroke you over your underwear, he can feel the thin material moistening under his fingertip. Your skin starts to burn, your blood boiling in your veins. He goes under your panties now, running his fingers through your slick folds. You hold back your moans, biting your lip. You place an elbow on the table, holding your head in your palm to disguise your mouth with subtlety.

His fingers continue to stroke you, rubbing your clit in persistent circles. Your cunt is consistently dripping into your jeans, his touches tying a large knot in your belly. He manages to insert a finger into your pussy, which causes your knee to hit the underside of the table. Everyone looks at you, including Eddie. "Careful, Y/N. You already hurt your knee once today, take it easy." He smirks.

"Sorry, won't happen again. Continue." You struggle to get the words out. Your knee stings from your wound, but the pleasure Eddie continues to give you while acting like nothing is happening makes your head spin. His finger starts curling inside you, slow and steady to not make too much noise.

You're doing everything you can to keep control of your sounds and movements. You have to act natural, the game must go on unnoticed. Eddie adds a second finger, which makes you want to scream. You want to give in, to tackle him to the ground so you can have your way with him. You don't even care about everybody else in the room. You want to ride him, right here and right now. You feel the knot growing tighter and tighter, threatening to snap. Your walls flutter around Eddie's fingers. When he realizes you're just about to cum, he pulls away. Your high runs for the hills, leaving you unsatisfied. You groan loudly, scowling at Eddie.

"Are you alright, Y/N? You're acting weirder than usual." Erica asks.

"Erica! Don't be rude." Lucas scolds her.

"What? It's just the facts! She's been acting strange for hours. what gives?" Erica crosses her arms, waiting to hear an explanation.

Once again, everyone's eyes are on you. You blush madly, stuttering. "I'm一" You glance at Eddie, who offers no help, only a self-congratulatory grin. Damn him, damn him and this stupid bet. You quickly close your jeans as you come up with a reason to leave. "I just...don't feel well. All this junk food isn't agreeing with me. I'll stop interrupting you guys. Sorry. Goodnight." You bolt out of your chair and run to the safety of your bedroom. You slam the door behind you, your back leaning against it.

You start to cry, feeling so embarrassed. You're sure the kids bought your story, but it was so humiliating. To have Eddie touching you like that, with everyone in the room. Sure, you started it, but it wasn't like you had his dick out under the table. Not only that, he denied you in order to get a reaction, drawing attention to you over something so private. You decide to just stay in your room for the rest of the weekend, hiding from everybody. Especially Eddie.

A few hours pass, you're still in front of your door crying. You're on the floor now, and you hear everyone calling it a night. Dustin says goodnight to you through the door, hoping you feel better soon. He goes to his room, shutting the door. The others have taken the couch or have sleeping bags on the floor. Eddie usually sleeps in his van. You think it might be safe to go pee before bed, when you hear a light knocking on the door.

"Y/N, can I come in?" It's Eddie. Of course, he wanted to gloat, right? Shove it in your face that he got the best of you. "I just want to talk. Please?"

Part 1.3: I Think We’re Alone Now

"Please let me in?” He sounds genuinely worried. You sigh and wipe your eyes, standing up to open the door. You let him in, but turn away from him to slump onto your bed. You lay down, facing the wall. Eddie closes the door behind him, sitting on the end of the bed. "Are you alright, Y/N?" He asks quietly, looking down at his hands.

"What do you think?" You snip.

"I didn't mean to upset you, princess. I一" He touches your ankle, but you tug it away.

"Don't call me that! You embarrassed me in front of the Sinclairs, the Tanners, my own brother! Was winning really worth making a fool out of me?" You say through gritted teeth.

"Y/N, I promise that wasn't my intention. What I did was stupid, and wrong. I just...I got caught up in the game. I went too far, and I'm sorry." You hear the remorse in his voice, he didn't want to hurt you. It was quite the opposite, he wanted to have fun and make you feel good. "If you want me to, I can leave right now. I’ll pick the twins up in the morning, postpone the campaign until we can host it somewhere else. I’ll even twist the arm of the repair guy to fix your bike tomorrow so you don't have to see me again."

You take his efforts to do right by you into consideration. He'd go to all that trouble to make you comfortable, regardless of how he feels about you. He clearly cares about you, he just got carried away. Your heart swells at his gesture. You just can't stay mad at him no matter how hard you try. You groan in defeat, sitting up and scooting to the end of the bed to face him. "No, you don't have to go. But let's make it a rule to not finger me in front of other people like that, okay? And you're on thin ice, metalhead."

"You got it. Cross my heart and hope to die." He says, making an 'X' on his chest with his finger. He gazes at you, a hint of mischief in his eyes. "So, everyone else is asleep. You wanna have a beer and a smoke outside with me?" He asks, holding his hand out to you.

"I thought you'd never ask, Munson." You smile, taking his hand. You open the door as quietly as possible, trying your best to not make any noise. Eddie follows close behind you, still holding your hand. You stop in the kitchen to grab a six-pack of beer from the fridge, then you tiptoe your way around everyone's sleeping bags. You finally reach the front door, not bothering to put on shoes. You turn the knob, trying to keep the door from squeaking on its hinges. You both slip out into the night, the cool night air tickling your skin. Eddie left his jackets inside, so you both shiver slightly.

Eddie plops down in the dewy grass of your front lawn, patting the spot next to him for you to sit. "Come here, princess." You do as he asks, sitting cross-legged like him. Your knee touches his as you sit closely to him. You set down the beers, and Eddie grabs one out of the pack. He pulls out a bottle-opener, popping off the top. He hands it to you "Ladies first." He winks at you, pulling out another bottle for himself. You chug half of it down instantly, burping loudly after you swallow. "Hmm, maybe not then." Eddie quips, taking a swig from his own beer.

"Sorry, I was just really thirsty." You blush, giggling at your own rudeness. Eddie laughs too, pulling out his cigarettes. He takes two out of the box, holding one up to your lips. You take it in your mouth, and he lights it, looking deep into your eyes. The flame casts a yellow glow on his face, highlighting his beautiful features. He moves the lighter away from you to light his own cigarette. You inhale from yours deeply, laying down in the grass before you exhale. You stare up at the night sky, taking in the shining stars and full moon. There aren't any clouds tonight, so everything is crystal clear. He copies you, putting his shoulder against yours.

"Damn, what a view!" Eddie exclaims, gesturing at the sky dramatically with his hands. You both smoke silently for a bit, your hands lacing together without realizing it. When you've reached the end of your cigarette, you swipe it roughly onto the ground to put it out before flicking it away. Eddie does the same before speaking again. "You know what a better view than this is, though?" He asks, glancing at you.

"Nope. But you can tell me if you like." You tease him, letting his hand go so you can lay on your side. You rest your head on your left arm, your right going to Eddie's chest. He sighs softly as your fingers lazily stroke him over his shirt.

"It's you, Y/N. You're more beautiful than all the stars, all the planets. All the galaxies in the universe couldn't compare to you." He says with sincerity. He turns his head to look at you, his face carrying a soft expression.

"You are being so cheesy right now." You scoff in disbelief. His smile drops a little, looking sad. "No, I like it, a lot. It's just a different side of you I didn't expect."

"I think you'll find I'm just full of surprises, Y/N." He mirrors your position, a small smile forming on his lips. You move your body closer to his, pressing yourself flush against him. Your hand cups his cheek, and you're not feeling the cold air anymore. The atmosphere has been set ablaze, the both of you breathing heavily. It's like you're running low on oxygen.

Your lips are just a whisper away from his, and you can't stop staring at them. They look so soft and plush, and you're reminded of your late-night thoughts about how they might taste. You close the gap, pushing your mouth onto his gently. You both moan at the contact, and you bite his bottom lip. He gasps, allowing your tongue access to tangle with his. You moan again when you confirm your fantasies of him. He does taste like tobacco, and beer. But there's an underlying flavor of chocolate, the Hershey bar he plopped into your handbasket at the store.

Your hands tangle into Eddie's hair, tugging it roughly. He groans, flipping you both over so you're straddling him. His hands hug the curves of your ass, and he squeezes the flesh under his fingers through your jeans. You moan into his mouth, grinding your hips down onto him. You feel his dick hardening beneath you, positioned right under your cunt. You're getting soaked again, which drives you to keep moving on him. It feels so good, but you want more. "Eddie, someone might see us out here and call the cops. Let's go back to my room, okay?" You whisper as you release his lips from yours.

"Sure thing, baby. To be continued." He jokes. You giggle playfully and move off of him. You gather the open beers back into the pack, and you hold out a hand to help Eddie off the ground. He takes it, standing up next to you. He pulls you back to him by the waist, smashing his lips on yours hungrily. It ends as soon as it starts though, leaving you breathless. Eddie leads you inside with his arm around your waist. You sneak back into the house, following the same route you took to leave.

You stumble backwards into your room, pulling Eddie by his shirt. He kicks the door shut behind him, luckily it doesn't slam too hard. You set the beers down on your dresser, and then you're being pushed down onto your bed by him. You fall back onto the pillows, bouncing slightly when you make contact. He climbs on top of you, his knees on either side of yours. You gaze up at him from your pillow, his long locks hanging down around his face. He stares back at you, smirking as always. He slowly lowers his lips onto yours once more, languid and passionate this time. You moan as his hand gropes your tits over your shirt. You grip his hair again as he kisses you, tugging even harder this time. He groans louder than before, breaking away.

"Careful, babydoll. Don't push my buttons too much, or who knows what I'll do." He says darkly. His mouth moves to your neck, where he licks you the same as he did to you earlier today.

"God, Eddie. You're so fucking hot." You exhale lustfully, throwing your head back as he marks hickies on you.

"You're not so bad yourself, Y/N." He sits on his knees to remove his shirt. As he pulls it over his head, you can't help staring at his body. He's slim, but a little bit toned. And his tattoos suit him so well. You bite your lip as you do your best to memorize him for your future late-night thoughts. "You like what you see?" He tilts his head at you. You just nod, wide-eyed. You take off your t-shirt and your bra, exposing your breasts to him. His breath catches in his throat when he gets a good look at you. "Fuck, you're gorgeous." He murmurs, staring at you in awe.

"C’mere." You plead, pulling him down to you by his belt buckle. Your hands roam Eddie's back, scratching your nails into his skin. He moans as he begins to kiss your chest. His mouth leaves a trail of hickies all over your tits. You whimper as he makes each one, gasping when he takes one of your nipples into his mouth. "Eddie…" You moan, and he stops sucking on your tit, peering down at you.

"You make such pretty noises, Y/N." He says with a grin before returning to his task. He moves on to your other breast, gently biting down on your sensitive bud.

"Jesus, fuck." You can't help all the moans and curses that fall from your mouth, everything he does feels like magic. Your sounds feed Eddie's fire, making his cock twitch in his jeans.

"You're such a good little slut for me. Reacting to every touch I give you." He purrs at you as his mouth travels further down your body. You moan at his words, so filthy and arousing at the same time. "You like when I call you that, princess?" He asks, noting your eyes blown wide with desire.

"Yes." You manage to choke out a reply as his lips leave a trail of kisses down your torso until he reaches your jeans. Everything he does is unbearably sexy, it stirs a primal fire inside you. No other man has come close to making you feel so simultaneously in and out of control. You want him to ruin you, to do anything and everything he wants to you.

"Good girl." He replies, his hands undoing your jeans for the second time tonight. He pulls them off your legs, tossing them aside. His hands spread your legs for him, and a grin forms across his mouth when he sees the dark spot on your panties. "So wet for me already?" His hand strokes you over the thin fabric, and your hips buck off the bed impulsively as you moan. Eddie holds you down with his other hand. "Relax, sweetheart. Let me make you feel good." He slips your panties off slowly, and takes a long look at your drenched pussy. "Fuck, you're so beautiful, Y/N." His eyes meet yours, finding you panting as you await his next move. His fingers feel your slick folds, brushing over your clit. You moan loudly, forming fists as you grip the blanket beneath you. He keeps eye contact with you as he inserts a finger into your dripping cunt. Your mouth falls open, but barely any sound comes out. He starts pumping in and out of you, curling just so to hit your sweetspot with ease.

"Oh, Eddie…go faster, please..." You can't help sounding needy as you whine for him to do more. You feel a familiar knot building inside of you, winding tighter with every stroke of Eddie's finger inside of you.

"Anything you want, angel." He does as you ask, causing more moans and calls of his name to spill from you. He adds another finger, and you arch your back. Your body is slowly sheened in sweat, and Eddie keeps praising you. "You're doing so well, princess. Such a good girl for me." He removes his fingers, and you whine at the loss. But he quickly starts licking your clit with his tongue. He paints your cunt with long stripes, occasionally inserting his tongue into your entrance. He moans at how sweet you taste, vibrations roaming through your center. "You taste so good, babe." He continues to flick his tongue on you, expertly moving you closer to the edge.

"Oh, shit. I'm so close, make me cum. Please." Waves of pleasure are crashing over you, your whole body is fizzing. The knot inside you wants so badly to snap, to release the built up pressure you've been feeling all day.

"That's a good little slut, cum for me." He says before sucking your clit into his mouth. It feels unbelievable, and you finally sense yourself letting go.

"Fuck, Eddie!" You cry out, almost screaming. Your orgasm rips through you, radiating from your pussy to all of your extremities. Your head feels light, and stars fill your vision. Your legs shake uncontrollably, but Eddie holds you in place. His mouth continues to work against your cunt as your high subsides. Your clit is sparking, and his mouth on you is overstimulating. "Eds, that's enough. Please, it's too much." You pant as you push his head away.

"Sorry, angel. I'll let you cool down." He coos, caressing your legs lovingly. He stands, still shirtless, and goes to the dresser to grab the opened beer. He hands you your bottle, and you sit up to sip on it. The liquid cools you from the inside out, calming the burning flames. Eddie sits at the edge of the bed, his back turned to you as he drinks. You crawl across the bed to sit beside him, putting your free hand on his thigh. He tenses slightly, not expecting your touch. "Hey there, beautiful." He says while smiling at you, looking you up and down. You're still naked, but you don't feel exposed. Eddie’s presence makes you comfortable, you could do anything around him and not feel nervous about it.

"Hey." You reply simply. You finish off your beer, setting the empty bottle on the carpet. Eddie's still holding his while you turn yourself toward him. You lean forward, moving his long hair away from his neck. You kneel to plant a few open-mouthed kisses on his throat. He tilts his head to give you better access, moaning whenever you put your lips on him. Your right hand travels down his chest, caressing his warm skin on the way to his crotch. You ghost over his erection, his breath hitching. You palm him through his jeans, his cock growing harder as you grope him.

"Shit, Y/N." He groans out, his head falling back slightly. You slide off the bed, positioning yourself on your knees between Eddie's legs. You continue to stroke him, kissing his chest and stomach repeatedly. He moans over and over as you touch him, cursing and saying your name, calling you a good girl. He's become putty in your hands.

"You make pretty noises too. It's very sexy." You whisper in his ear, reaching for his belt. You unbuckle it, and pull his jeans off. He's only in his boxers now, his erection forming a tent in the thin cloth. You run your tongue up his length over the fabric, and he moans loudly.

"Jesus." His hands grip the edge of the mattress, the knuckles turning white. You smile at him seductively, reaching for his waistband. You yank off his underwear, and waste no time taking hold of his cock. You take all of him in your mouth, gagging as he hits the back of your throat. His hips buck into your face from the feeling of your wet mouth on him. Your eyes start to water as you bob your head up and down on him. You swirl your tongue around his length as you work, and Eddie can't stop groaning. Every sound makes your pussy wetter, him calling out your name is music to your ears. "Keep going, baby. You're a fuckin’ goddess at giving head." He chuckles slightly, throwing his head back. A couple drips of sweat run down his face, his eyes screwed shut as he focuses on how hot and wet your mouth is. He's panting like a dog, feeling himself growing closer to the edge.

His balls tighten in your hand as you massage them. He's very close, you take this as a sign to go even deeper and faster. You gag repeatedly on him, moving your lips and tongue at a punishing pace. Tears run down your cheeks, blurring your vision. You stop only for a moment to encourage him. "That's it. Be a good boy and cum for me." You plunge your mouth as far as it can go onto his dick, pulling out every move in your playbook, sealing his fate.

"Fuck, gonna cum..." He chokes out as his high overtakes him. He moans so loud, you're worried he'll wake everybody up. His mouth is open wide, and he falls backwards onto the bed as his load shoots down your throat. You swallow every last drop, it tastes so fucking good. He's practically gasping for air, his arms laying above his head. You release him with a pop, and take in the sight before you. Eddie's so pretty like this, laying on your bed with his cock out, shiny with sweat. His hair matted to his face from the moisture, his chest rising and falling rapidly. A wave of lust washes over you to see the effect you've had on him.

He takes a moment to compose himself before sitting up. He's still panting a little, but he looks at you with a deep hunger in his eyes. "C’mere, princess." He motions for you to sit on his lap. You do so, straddling him on the edge of the bed. His dick rests against your stomach, already getting hard again. He wraps his arms around your waist, and yours rest around his neck. You kiss him again, and he reciprocates. Your mouths move together in sync, and you feel something different between you now. This moment isn't just about sex, you think you really like Eddie. You might even be falling in love with him. And given the way he's keeping up with you, maybe he’s falling in love with you ,too.

Despite all these strong emotions brewing between the two of you, you still want Eddie to take you in every way possible. "Eddie?" You ask, breaking the kiss. Your lips feel bruised, and you gaze deep into his eyes.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He says quietly, meeting your eyes. He's genuinely interested in what you have to say.

"I want you." You whisper, somehow shy about admitting this to him.

"I want you too, Y/N. So much, you have no idea." He replies softly, and his hand cups your cheek. You move yourself closer to him, rubbing his dick between your folds. You moan in unison at the sensation, the air lighting on fire once again. Eddie grabs your ass, leading your hips to continue moving against him. The friction is like pure electricity, shooting currents of ecstasy through your bodies. "Can I fuck you, Y/N?" Eddie asks, a pleading look in his eyes. He's so needy for you.

"Yes, Eddie. Please, take me any way you want." You practically beg him.

He grasps his cock, teasing your entrance a few more times, spreading your arousal. He stops for a moment. "Wait, let me get a condom." He says, tapping your thigh to get off of him. You shake your head, and he looks at you, confused.

"I'm on the pill, Eds. We can still use one if you want, but I trust you."

"That's fine by me. If you're good to go, then so am I." He kisses you deeply, getting himself ready to enter you. You instinctively lift yourself up so he can position himself, and you slowly sink down onto his dick. He fills you to the brim, the perfect size to knock the air from your lungs as you take all of him. You need a moment to adjust, flexing your walls to teasingly clamp around him. "Shit. Do that again." Eddie whimpers, and you grip his cock with your insides. "Jesus, that's fucking hot." He says breathily. You start to move on him, bouncing up and down at a steady pace. The room fills with the sounds of moans and slapping skin. You aren't putting much effort into being quiet, everything feels too good for you to care about anyone hearing you. Eddie's fingers are digging into your ass cheeks, holding your flesh for dear life. His lips attack your tits as best he can as you continue to ride him. Your head is thrown backward in pure bliss as your climax builds, your hands holding his shoulders tightly. The pleasure bubbles in your belly, growing stronger every time you come down on Eddie's cock. He hits your g-spot perfectly, like he was made for you.

"Fuck, Eddie. I'm getting close again. You feel so good inside me." Every move and every touch makes your head spin, it's getting harder to form coherent thoughts.

"I'm close too, baby. Keep going, be a good little slut. Make a mess all over me." He says, a bit muffled as his face is still buried in your tits. His words spur you on, and you ride him even faster, rolling your hips to hit your spot even better. He assists you, meeting your bounces with his own thrusts up into you. You moan loudly every time he pitches his hips upwards. He's chasing your high, wanting to feel you come undone. "C’mon, angel. Cum on my dick like a good girl." His words make your orgasm explode inside of you. Fireworks go off under your skin. Waves of pleasure crash over you, taking you under.

"Oh god, fuck!" You almost scream, curses and exclamations flowing from you incoherently. Your walls clamp down, milking Eddie's cock. He groans, his own orgasm overtaking him. He calls out your name, bucking his hips uncontrollably into your cunt. His movements prolong your high, a burst of juices leaking out of you. He feels the fluid rush over his dick, spilling out onto the floor and the bed. It makes him groan, the sensation is nothing he's ever felt before. He’s already thinking of how many other ways he can make you cum like this in the future. Your legs shake violently, and you hold yourself against Eddie as hard as you can to keep from falling. You can't stop shaking for a good while as the strongest orgasm of your life takes what seems like forever to subside.

You eventually collapse against his chest, gulping in air like a fish out of water. Eddie's arms wrap around you, a hand stroking your damp hair. "You okay, Y/N?" He sounds concerned, he's never seen a girl cum so hard before. He's worried that he may have hurt you.

"I'm good, Eds. Really good.” You giggle in satisfaction. “That has to be the best orgasm I've ever had. I didn't even know I could do that. It wasn't weird, was it?" You ask, referring to you squirting on him. You’re a bit nervous that you’ve grossed him out.

"What? Fuck no! That was one of the hottest things I've ever seen. I've heard about women being able to do that, but I’ve never experienced it before.” He explains excitedly, glad to have made this discovery about you. “You are something special. In more ways than just that, Y/N."

"I'll have you know I'm just full of surprises, baby." You give him a quick kiss, smiling like a dope. You realize his dick is still inside you, so you carefully pull yourself off of him. Your mixed release drips out of you and onto his length, you both stare at the sight and moan quietly. You don't want to risk being caught naked in the hall to retrieve a towel, so you drop to your knees in front of Eddie. You lick up every last drop of your cum, causing him to shudder as he stares at you in shock.

"Goddamn, can you get any sexier, Y/N?" His eyes are wide, jaw on the floor as he watches you swallow every last drop.

"You'll just have to wait and find out next time, won't you?" You smirk at him, standing up.

"Next time, huh?" He quirks an eyebrow at you. You realize what you’ve implied, blushing harshly. Eddie rolls his eyes. "Relax, sweetheart. Of course I want to do this again, among other things. It's a date!" He beams at you, and your expression softens. You fail to hold back a yawn, and Eddie follows suit. "It’s gettin’ pretty late. Should we go to bed?" He asks, slipping his boxers back on. He grabs his Hellfire shirt, tossing it to you along with your panties.

"You want me to wear your shirt?" You're surprised he'd offer you something so personal. But you can't help falling for him just a little bit more because of it.

"Of course! Gotta let everyone know you're mine, right?" He bites his lip, nervous about suggesting that you belong to him. Did I overstep and ruin everything?, he wonders when you don’t respond right away.

"Yours, huh? So that makes you mine then, correct?" You can't help teasing him a little, seeing his face burn red is so endearing.

"Yeah. Uh, i-if you want." He stutters over his words, looking down at his hands. He fidgets with his rings, twisting them around his fingers. His knee bounces, signaling his anxiety. You reach down, stilling his leg. You put your hand over his, and use the other to lift his chin up to you with your finger. You stare deep into his eyes, trying to show him how you want this just as much as he does.

"There's no need to be nervous, Eds. I'll happily be yours, I really like you. I might even be falling for you." You kiss him gently on the lips, but only for a moment. "Now, let’s get some rest. Got a big day tomorrow." You give him a caring look, and he kindly returns it, nodding. You put his shirt on over your head, and he smiles wide when he sees you in it. It's a bit big on you, almost long enough to be a dress. But you would look beautiful to him no matter what. You walk over to the bed, pulling up the covers to slip underneath them. Eddie crawls over to join you.

Once you're both under the blanket, Eddie pulls you close to him, spooning you. He peppers light kisses onto the back of your neck, whispering sweet nothings to you. When he notices your breathing going steady in preparation for sleep, he stops kissing you. "Goodnight, princess. Sleep well." He says before closing his eyes.

"Goodnight, Eds." You reply, falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.

To be continued…

[anonymousewrites]

Adolescent Antichrist (Book 3) Chapter Ten

Father Figure! Lucifer x Teen! Reader

Chapter Ten: This will be My Problem because Lucifer has Terrible Coping Mechanisms

Summary: (Y/N) attempts to save Lucifer and Chloe's relationship.

            “I can’t believe he asked out the Detective!” cried Lucifer, pacing back and forth.

            (Y/N) sighed, actually concerned and sorry for how he was feeling. “Lucifer, I’m sorry Cain did that. But you can’t control if Detective Decker wants to go out with Cain or not. At least it will only be for a short while, though.”

            “What?” asked Lucifer.

            “He’s trying to open up to her like you did to be weak enough to kill,” repeated (Y/N) as they explained for what felt like the millionth time why Cain was doing what he was (especially after the debacle with Abel. (Y/N) had never been glad to be at school but dealing the walking dead really wasn’t their thing). “Just think, you get to kill him soon.”

            “But until then, the Detective…she seems happy,” admitted Lucifer. “I want her to be happy, but I don’t Pierce being so close with her…”

            (Y/N) sighed. Lucifer was so in love and oblivious to it that it was painful to (Y/N). Oh, great. This is my problem now. Can’t leave Lucifer depressed.

            They were glib, but they didn’t want Lucifer to feel sad. Plus, they liked Chloe and thought they’d make a good couple, and they hated Cain. All in all it felt like (Y/N)’s duty to help Lucifer. He was, you know, their father. In a way.

            So as Lucifer tried to fight with himself and be happy for Chloe being with Cain while wrestling with his own feelings, (Y/N) stood and walked to the exit.

            “Where are you going?” asked Em, frowning.

            “To see the Detective,” said (Y/N).

            “Huh?”

            “Lucifer is too far into denial, so someone’s got to help him,” said (Y/N), shrugging.

            Em smiled. “You care. How surprising.”

            (Y/N) scoffed, playing off their real concern for Lucifer as annoyance. “I’m only doing this because this will be my problem because Lucifer has terrible coping mechanisms.”

            “As if you wouldn’t know what to do either if someone you liked was dating someone else,” said Em.

            (Y/N) looked at her. Something twisted in their gut. “It wouldn’t be…great.”

            “No kidding,” said Em, rolling their eyes.

            (Y/N) scowled. “Hey, I’m taking care of this, so it’s no big deal. Just make sure Lucifer doesn’t do anything stupid.”

            “What am I, just a babysitter for you two?” grumbled Em.

            “No, you’re the Devil’s secretary and my annoyance,” said (Y/N), leaving the room.

            Em sighed. That wasn’t a bad comeback. They did feel like a secretary running errands for Lucifer. And hey, (Y/N) was always fun to tease. Their reactions were fun.

l

            “What are you doing here?” asked Cain, eyes widening as he bumped into (Y/N) on the way out of Chloe’s home.

            God, why do you put all your worst people in my way? thought (Y/N). “I’m here to talk to Detective Decker.”

            “About what?” asked Cain.

            (Y/N) crossed their arms. “What are you, interrogating me?”

            “This is about me and Chloe dating. Lucifer still upset?” questioned Cain.

            “Keep gloating, Cain,” said (Y/N). They narrowed their eyes. “It’s all over when your mark is gone.” They pushed past him to the door, leaving Cain to remember just how brief any of this would be.

            They knocked on the door, and Chloe opened it. She blinked, surprised. “Oh, (Y/N).”

            “Hey, Detective,” said (Y/N). “Can I come in?”

            “Uh, sure, and just call me Chloe,” she said, letting them in.

            (Y/N) walked in and paused as they saw Chloe’s finger. There was a ring on it. Their eyes widened. “Did….Did Ca-Pierce propose to you?” they asked quickly.

            Chloe blushed. “Uh, yes. It happened so quickly, but I’m, uh, yeah, I’m engaged.”

            (Y/N) cocked their head. “Are you…happy, Chloe?”

            “Of course! My boyfriend proposed. Of course I’m happy,” said Chloe.

            (Y/N) sighed inwardly. I have a soft spot for too many of these hopelessly oblivious adults. “If you don’t feel happy, you shouldn’t do it.”

            Chloe looked at them. “(Y/N), I’m sorry, but you’re a bit young to understand these things.”

            “If that’s true, then obviously you’ll be happy with Pierce,” said (Y/N), shrugging.

            “Well, I will be, I just…it’s very sudden,” admitted Chloe.

            “Then tell him to wait,” said (Y/N). “Can’t it be that simple?”

            Chloe chuckled. “You sound like Lucifer. These things are never that simple.”

            “No, Lucifer would be much dumber about this,” said (Y/N). “But since you brought him up, what do you think of him?”

            “What do you mean?” asked Chloe nervously.

            Dear God, why did you put your two most oblivious and in-denial creations together? (Y/N) sighed. “You know what I mean. You and Lucifer are partners, your friends. And let’s face it, even though he is pretty bad at showing he cares, he does try. And he’s a good friend. I mean, he…” (Y/N) swallowed and allowed themself to be vulnerable. This was to help Lucifer. “…He does a good job being a parent, even if I make fun of him. So, what do you think of him?”

            “He’s…frustrating, but he’s kind, and he has my best interests at heart,” said Chloe. She chuckled. “And whenever he does make me upset, he does his best to make it up to me.”

            “And Pierce, what do you think of him?” asked (Y/N).

            “He’s…kind. A little complicated and closed off, but he seems to care,” said Chloe. “Lucifer is the only one who seems to have a problem with him.”

            “Yeah, because he cares about you,” said (Y/N).

            Chloe considered. “That’s true…and Lucifer, he, I know he cares.”

            “You seem to care about Lucifer,” said (Y/N).

            “Of course,” said Chloe. “He’s my partner.”

            (Y/N) nodded. “So with your…friend, your feelings aren’t complicated. But somehow with your now-fiancé, things are weird? You’re sure that you care for Lucifer but confused about how you feel with Pierce?”

            “It’s…Feelings are complicated,” groaned Chloe.

            (Y/N) sighed. “Fine, fine. Ignore Lucifer if you want. Bottom line, do you want to marry Pierce?”

            “Why does it matter to you so much?” asked Chloe.

            “Because Lucifer matters to me,” said (Y/N). “And he wants you to be happy.”

            Chloe’s eyes widened. (Y/N) shrugged and stood. “So, do what you want, but please, try to make yourself happy. That’s all Lucifer wants. He doesn’t want to see you hurt.”

Taglist:

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@scarlettqueen190

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[ineffableuser]

“Welcome home, pal”

PAL? Shut up and kiss him already

Ya coward

[shipsandlattes]

So I know everyone has already dissected this scene to its core, but it’s taken me a good 48 hours to digest this and I just needed to get it out.

I’m an aspiring actor, I’ve been training for a long time, with a lot of amazing teachers. I’ve watched a lot of shows and shipped a lot of couples. Some of them beautiful and canon, others, well, let’s just say waiting 22 years and counting for acknowledgement, closure, anything, it’s a damn challenge. I’ve seen a hell of a lot of will-they-wont-they’s, baiting, purposeful ignorance, deliberate fake outs, zero explanations, storylines that basically caused canon disintegration, the works.

In saying that, Dean and Cas were right up there on the list with the other “impossibles” because honestly, I didn’t think the writers would have the guts to do it, but I am so f*cking proud they did. It’s safe to say I’ve watched the scene a good hundred+ times already. 

I’ve seen a lot of “controversy” around Dean’s reaction/Jensen’s acting choices and whether or not Dean reciprocates Cas’ feelings, and obviously, I needed to add my own views to the mix.

Just work with me for a minute here.

Dean Winchester is an emotionally repressed trainwreck, and ironically enough, the one that is so full of emotion it hurts to watch. When Cas first starts his speech, he’s confused, really confused because why on earth would Cas start off on a rant now? Billie’s waiting to kill them, he just said he knew something that was more powerful than she was, something that could save them. That’s where he thought this speech was going.

The confusion turns to realisation that it’s a goodbye when Cas starts telling him how incredible he is, how his entire essence is love. Go back and watch the scene again, when Cas says “you’re the most caring man on Earth”, you physically see Dean look down, his eyes searching, he’s actively trying to make sense of what’s happening, he knows what’s coming and you can see him coming to terms with the shock of the words being said to him. He then looks directly at Cas. That look, that was pure shock.

Also, notice how he doesn’t stop Cas from talking? He doesn’t interject, make a joke, doesn’t talk about how there is no time for this now, they’ve got to at least try and stop Billie. He. says. nothing. He listens, he listens like I’ve never seen Dean listen before. Because it’s sinking in now.

When Cas really starts crying, when he says “you changed me, Dean”, you can actually see the pain in Dean’s eyes. He’s no longer in control of his emotions, he’s crying too. He’s never seen Cas like this, so raw, and vulnerable and human. This is the hardest, most emotional conversation they’ve both ever had. They are talking about the one thing that everybody knows, but is never addressed. When it wasn’t talked about, they could deny it, live in the lie. Once it’s said aloud, it’s real and they can’t turn back.

This above series of interactions is the part that kills me the most. The moment Cas says “because it is”, that’s the exact moment of realisation. Look at that last GIF, really look. He’s just worked it out, that he is Cas’ true happiness. He knows what’s coming before Cas even says it. Go back and watch the scene again, they pulled that off so well, the way the music swells at this exact moment. Jensen is giving us everything here, you can see what’s happening in his head - he is Cas’ happiness. He is the one thing on Earth Cas wants and thinks he can’t have. He is the reason Cas is about to die. He knows what Cas is about to say and he’s not sure he’s ready to hear it, not now, not like this. It’s almost a silent plea not to say it, because he knows. Of course he knows. It’s like he can’t quite believe Cas is really, after all this time, finally going to say it.

And because obviously Jensen decided that that wasn’t enough to break us, the loaded reaction when Cas says “I love you” has me nothing but convinced that it’s reciprocated. Because Dean knows. He’s always known. Those tears, that head tilt, that gulp. He’s so genuinely confused that they’re really having this conversation. It’s like he can’t quite believe that this is the reality before him because he’s been living in that denial, in that self-loathing and unlovable layer he believes to be true. He’s been under the ‘what if... but it could never be’ umbrella for so long. 

What also makes this real is that there isn’t anyone else around this time. When “I love you’s” have been said before, they have always been able to deflect it, with other people or other words. Now it’s just the two of them. No deflecting, no running away. Dean is forced to hear it, to absorb it, to realise it’s for nobody else but him.

Now, I don’t know if you guys felt this, but when Dean says “Don’t do this, Cas”, he wasn’t just referring to Cas sacrificing himself to the Empty, he’s telling Cas that he can’t just say this, not now, knowing he’s going to die, knowing that Dean won’t get a chance to think, to process, to say what he needs too. I keep staring at that GIF above, Dean is breaking down, I’m almost convinced that Jensen was using an “I love you too, please just stop this” inner monologue for this bit. Look at the way he’s looking at Cas before he realises the Empty has started materialising and turns around. That’s a look of pure heartbreak. Trust me when I tell you, it’s really hard to keep those inner thoughts inside if you’re so in the moment - actually, don’t just take my word for it, read any acting book, ask any actor, it’s so hard to keep that in and sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you do - it’s in both the resistance and the letting go that the gold happens. This my friends, is gold. 

Did anyone else hear “Cas, I-”, well, regardless of whether or not it was an “I” or a very sharp breath, the outcome is the same. Dean’s gone into immediate panic mode. The Empty at one end and Billie at the other, and all poor Dean wants to do is gather his thoughts on not what to say but how to say it. I don’t think he comprehended just how little time he had, he was so focused on what was being said that the reality of the situation caught him completely off guard.

Also, I know this post was about dissecting Dean’s reaction, but can we sidebar a minute to talk about Cas as he pushes Dean out of the way? He’s sobbing, he’s fully crying. That hit me really hard, I’ve never seen Cas cry like that, I’ve never seen Misha get to play that level of emotion before and it was the most heartbreaking thing to watch since The Doctor and Rose and Buffy and Spike, to which by the way, I find many parallels between those couples and this scene.

Speaking of crying, that brings me to this: Dean slumped on the floor, ignoring a call from Sam, sobbing his heart out knowing he’s lost everything. Dean-I’m-emotionally-unavailable-Winchester is sobbing. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t recall ever seeing Dean cry like this before either, the sobbing was so evident and piercing in that silence. The look around the room, the burying of his head in his hands, that is a classic writers romantic love trope if I’ve ever seen it, they really pulled out all the stops with this one.

So, to summarise, I think Jensen’s choices and Dean’s reactions were absolutely and utterly perfect. They both did it so well that it didn’t break from character that these two emotionally distant and repressed men are in love and finally voicing it. Jensen barely said two words and still managed to cause mass coronary’s across the fandom. That my friends is what you call a brilliant actor. I bow down to the talents of these two amazing human beings.

Before I leave this novel, I have to say there are now a few things I’m going to need from the powers that be to not screw this up, help me manifest this:

1. Dean gets to reciprocate his feelings to Cas in person. So, I’m gonna need Cas back and a very emotional Dean.

2. Dean to be actively dealing with heartbreak in the next episode (unless they decided to bring Cas back that soon, which I wouldn’t put past them at this point).

3. Sam to confront Dean about his feelings for Cas, because out of everyone, he’d be the one to hit Dean with the truth of his fears. Sam knows. Sam is supportive. Sam sees it all.

4. I’m gonna need some physical affection, cause after 12 years of nonsense, we damn well deserve it. A hug, and not just any old reunion hug, a proper, this is different now hug. A kiss because hello, in love out loud now. Forehead touching, handholding, really gonna need the works here.

5. A happy ending for the two of them, one way or another. We’ve never had one, it’s time.

Okay, have at it now, let’s speak these into existence please.

Note: GIFs are not mine, I did not make them, credit to owners who I’m not sure of, but they’re beautiful, thanks for making them. EDIT: I’ve just been informed that these gorgeous gifs belong to @michaeldean​ and @inacatastrophicmind​! 

[deanstead]

Brettsey + “Is that blood?” “Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” “You are literally bleeding.” 🤍

Pairing: Matt Casey x Sylvie Brett

Word Count: 523

Warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of accident

A/N: This is not really beta-ed or edited but I hope you guys like this anyway! Thanks for requesting, I know I’m late at responding to all the requests hahaha!

BRETTSEY MASTERLIST

                                                               ~~~

Sylvie looked at her watch, starting to get worried.

Matt was seldom late and even if he was he’d usually call. Sylvie took out her phone again to check, scrolling through her messages and call logs to make sure she’d gotten the time right and that he hadn’t sent her a message that he was going to be late.

Sylvie put her phone up to ear to try to call Matt again but his phone was still off. She’d tried to call Stella slightly earlier but both Stella and Kelly had seen Matt leave the loft at least an hour ago which meant that he should have been here by now.

With a concerted effort, Sylvie pushed all the other what-if scenarios out of her head. She’d at least wait a little while longer before she’d go to look for him. He was probably just delayed by something.

Just as she was about to set off for Molly’s to see if anyone had seen him, she saw him.

Matt.

The relief washed over Sylvie to see him jogging towards her before her breath caught in her throat.

“Sylvie, I’m sorry… I…”

But Sylvie couldn’t process anything past the dark patch of red across Matt’s abdomen.

“Is that blood?” Sylvie asked, her eyes still on the patch of red.

Matt could see the look in her eyes. “Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-“

Sylvie shot him a look. “You are literally bleeding. Let me see.”

Matt reached forward for Sylvie’s hands as she reached out for him. “Sylvie, look at me.”

Reluctantly, she raised her head to look at Matt, tearing her eyes away from what looked like a terrifying injury.

“I’m fine. This isn’t my blood.”

Sylvie felt the knot in her stomach release. “Not your… You’re okay?”

Matt smiled and nodded, squeezing her hand. “Yes, I’m fine. There was an accident on my way here and then my phone kind of died…” He fished out his phone from his pocket, showing Sylvie the cracked and unresponsive screen.

Sylvie just reached forward, throwing her arms around him, not even slightly bothered by the fact that he had someone else’s blood on him, just relieved that he was okay.

“I look a mess but there were so many things going on, I couldn’t find a phone but I knew you’d be worried so I just ran here anyway.” Matt said, even as he put his arms gently around Sylvie.

Sylvie shook her head, pulling away now to look at him. “We don’t need a fancy date or anything. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Matt nodded. “I promise, not even a scratch.”

“Come on, we better get you home.” Sylvie said, her lips turning up into a smile as she looked at Matt again, now that she knew the blood wasn’t his. “You look like you were involved in a massacre.”

Matt just smiled and Sylvie hooked her arm into his, walking close to him, glad they’d met at a restaurant near her apartment. Matt turned his head just slightly to plant a kiss on the top of her head.

                                                              ~~~

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!! SHARE WITH ME YOUR FAVOURITE LINE/PART IN ANY WAY YOU’RE COMFORTABLE!

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[iamasphodelknox]

Suptober Day 2: No Vacancy

“Is there a festival in town or something?” Dean groaned, gripping his hands on Baby’s wheel like he could wish an empty motel to spring up into existence. He’d been looking forward to a real bed after eight hours driving Baby across the country but the flashing red “No Vacancy” sign at the Barely There Inn was the fourth one they’d seen in the last half hour. 

Honestly, he was getting too old for this.

Cas humphed next to him, quietly munching on a homemade granola bar Dean had made from the pumpkins and apples in Cas’s garden. He’d been quiet for most of the drive, unless he was answering a question Dean tossed his way when Zep wasn’t enough to fill the silence. 

Dean could practically hear Sam’s voice in his head. You have to talk to him and get your head out of your ass, Dean! You can’t get to where you want to be with him without opening up a little! Dean was trying, alright? Talking was hard when it meant being vulnerable, especially when your companion was the guy you were in love with but in denial about. But Cas had seemed willing enough to go on this case with Dean, since Sam was holding down the phones at the bunker for some of the younger hunters. Cas had even made a comment that it’d be nice for them to get out of town together for a bit.

Dean drove a little further down the highway, spotting another sign just ahead. 

“KOA?” Cas read out loud as they passed the sign. “What’s KOA?” 

Dean felt his heart give a twinge. He hadn’t ever stayed at a KOA, not in all of his and Sam’s treks across the country. Not since… he shook his head once to himself.

“Kampgrounds of America,” Dean muttered. He gripped Baby’s steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“Dean,” Cas turned in his seat, looking back at the sign behind them. “We can camp. It’s not a motel bed, but…”

“No way, Cas,” Dean said, his voice rougher than he meant, rougher than he’d usually be. “No camping.” 

“Dean, we don’t have any other options,” Cas said, annoyingly patient. “And it’s more comfortable than sleeping in the car.” 

“Don’t…” Dean started but Cas cut him off. 

“I’m not mocking your car, Dean,” Cas said with a placating hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m being practical. And isn’t camping something humans do for fun? We should try it.” Cas almost sounded excited.

“What’s fun about getting your balls frozen off?” Dean grunted. He could practically feel Cas roll his eyes at him. “We don’t even have a tent.” 

“I’ll build us a shelter,” Cas said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “Turn the car around.” 

Dean paused just for a moment, debating about how far he wanted to push it. But Cas had a point. He glanced sideways at Cas and met Cas’s eyes. Damn. He couldn’t say no to his angel no matter how hard he tried. 

Considering Cas wasn’t even his, Dean didn’t know what that made him. Whipped? A sucker? Hopeless? He was sure Sam would use all those terms to describe Dean’s feelings for Cas.

With a dramatic sigh, Dean turned Baby around and drove back to the KOA. It was just after sunset, the barest tint of sunlight just disappearing beneath the trees. 

Dean pulled up to the booth at the entrance, his stomach in knots. He hadn’t been camping since he was five. Hell, he didn’t even have a sleeping bag. But Cas was right. It was worth a shot. 

Dean rolled down the window and was greeted by an unnervingly peppy teenager dressed in a bright yellow shirt, with KOA in red lettering on the shoulder. She grinned at them like it was her purpose in life.

“Hi, welcome! Do you have a reservation?” She spoke in such a way that all her words blended together due to enthusiasm. 

“Uh…” Dean paused. He hadn’t actually thought that part through. How charming did he need to be? Did he need to flirt his way to a campsite? Cas leaned over him, his shoulder tucking into Dean’s chest. 

“Do you have any openings?” Cas asked, suddenly turning into the smooth one in this operation. Dean swallowed, trying not to do anything awkward, like bury his nose in Cas’s neck or something.

The young woman smiled and nodded. “We’re pretty packed tonight, but you guys are lucky. We have one tent site left. How many nights are you wanting to stay?” 

“Just tonight,” Dean grunted, disconcerted by Cas’s… calmness in this whole thing. How was Cas being better at being a human than Dean? 

“That’ll be thirty dollars then,” Peppy-Teen said. Dean passed over the cash and took the map she handed him. 

“Bathrooms are by this building,” she said, circling a spot on the map with a red pen. Cas and Dean watched as she drew a line from the circle to another spot on the map. “This is your campsite.” 

She drew another line from the campsite to what was presumably their current location at the entrance. “Just follow the road to campsite 49. You can’t miss it.” 

“Thank you very much,” Cas said with one of his wide grins, still leaning into Dean like this was something they did every day. Camping, road tripping, just the two of them. 

Dean nodded, smiled - or was it a grimace? - and they bid Peppy-Teen goodnight. Cas pulled away, sitting back in the passenger seat and Dean swallowed down the desire to pull Cas back into his chest. 

Dean drove Baby forward, following the signs, past a playground, the entrance to a lake, what looked like a cafeteria of some sort, a group having a huge bonfire, and finally, three identical mobile homes in a row, to get to site #49. Dean carefully pulled Baby into the parking spot and turned off the motor.

They sat for a moment in perfect silence, the faint singing of some camping song Dean had known a long time ago filtering through the windows. 

“Dean,” Cas said. “Are we going to get out of the car?” 

Dean started, nodded, and opened the door, climbing out of the car. The campsite itself was nice. There was a picnic table, a fire pit, and even an electricity hookup by the parking spot. Not too bad, Dean thought to himself. If they even had camping gear. Or actually went camping. 

It took Dean a moment to realize that Cas was bustling around the campsite gathering sticks and twigs like he was burrowing in for winter. Or planning a massive bonfire of their own. 

“Cas, what’re you doing?” Dean asked, still frozen by the driver’s door. 

“We’ll build an A-frame,” Cas said, passing a bundle of sticks to Dean. “There’s that tarp in the trunk and I think Sam tucked a safety blanket in the glovebox. We’ll use those as insulation and for something to sleep on. With a small fire at the entrance, we should be nice and warm.” 

“Did you take a survival class or something?” Dean asked, still standing still. Maybe it was shock preventing his feet from moving and not the battle of distinct, sentimental emotions from when he was five piling onto his heart after too long of being ignored. 

Cas nodded vaguely. “Online.” 

“Huh,” Dean said. Cas took classes online? What else did Dean not know… first the garden, now online classes? 

Cas bustled about a little longer, piling up sticks and twigs and moss at Dean’s feet like a pyre. Finally, he put the last bundle down on the ground and stood with his hands on his hips, looking pleased with himself. 

“So,” Dean said, clearing his throat, “how does all this become a tent?” 

Cas grinned good-naturedly at Dean. “I’ll show you.”

And that was how Dean learned to build an emergency shelter. Which, honestly, was something he should have earned from his dad considering he grew up on the road. Why hadn’t they ever camped? It had been something his parents loved. 

Cas walked Dean through setting up the A-frame, then draping piles of sticks, twigs, leaves and moss over it to essentially form a natural tent. There was just enough room for the two of them to sleep side by side. 

They built the A-frame close to the fire pit. Dean ran back to Baby’s trunk to grab lighting fluid and matches, piling up wood in the fire pit with no finesse. A hand on his arm stopped him from pouring the whole bottle of lighting fluid on the pile. 

“Actually,” Cas said, his eyes sparkling, “I want to try lighting a fire with just the matches.” 

He looked so giddy and excited, Dean just handed him the matches. 

It took several tries and a lot of twigs, but eventually, they had a comfortable fire. They sat side by side on a log, munching on apple muffins Dean had made with apples from Cas’s garden. Dean felt Cas’s heat all along his side and whenever their shoulders brushed, Dean fought the urge to just lean into Cas without reservation. 

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said into the silence. “For humoring me.” 

Dean shrugged and this time their shoulders stayed touching. “It’s no problem, Cas.” 

And it wasn’t, not really. Sitting out by a fire, watching the stars, getting to just be, with Cas, for once. Maybe it wasn’t as hard as Dean thought. Maybe getting to where he wanted to be with Cas, with them together, didn’t have to be as insurmountable or as impossible as he feared. Sam did tell him to just talk to Cas, to just be himself and let some of his walls down.

Dean swallowed. He could try. 

“I…” Dean started, twisting fingers together, “I haven’t been camping since my mom was alive. I forgot how nice it can be.” 

Cas didn’t reply right away. Dean could feel Cas looking at him, digesting his statement and all it meant. Cas leaned a bit more into Dean’s shoulder and carefully rested a hand on Dean’s knee. A knot undid itself in Dean’s heart. 

“It is,” Cas said, his voice warming Dean down to his toes. “It’s very nice indeed.”

Read the whole fic as I post chapters throughout Suptober on AO3! Link in comments. :)

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Thinking About How This Wasn't Actually a Denial

But was it self preservation?

The year was 2013 and rather than a denial, Jensen said "Don't ruin it for everybody now."

What was the fan 'ruining' for everybody? The Con? or something else? So if I was a tinhatter - and sometimes I am - I might think about other tv shows from the past that were covertly queer and how they handled the question, were TV shows 'out'?

Mainstream shows like Bewitched, you know, shows that are so clearly straight, you can tell because... well. ... they never technically used the word 'gay'. ... witches honor

SPN Film Studies is Back in Session! Join Under the Cut for more on supernatural & the story about how Bewitched! came out of the Broom Closet

Bewitched aired from 1964-72, it's so old the first season was in B&W. The show starred Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha, the strange housewife with a stranger secret. Her husband, Darrin, unwittingly married into the whole witchy family, from the now drag icon Agnes Moorehead's Endora with her open marriage, to the unmarried and batty Aunt Clara (Marion Lorne who played the mother in Hitchcock's heavily gay coded 'Strangers on a Train'), to the extremely coded Uncle Arthur (gay actor Paul Lynde). (We can't know for sure, but it seems at least 4 members of the cast were gay themselves.) The core premise of the show involves Samantha balancing who she really is with repressing that self for the safety and comfort of her family.

Samantha and her husband keep her [ahem] 'queer' nature a secret which gets harder on Samantha when she has to tell her daughter to live the same way, “I know what fun it is to be a part of the magical life ... to have so much at your fingertips. But we’re living in a world that’s just not ready for people like us, and I’m afraid they may never be. So you’re going to have to learn when you can use your witchcraft and when you can’t.”

There are plenty of generic 60s wacky hijinks but there are also whole episodes metaphorically about repression being harmful, episodes where characters asked if another was a 'thespian', episodes where Darrin was queercoded while under a spell, episodes about representation & bad stereotyping in media, and even two episodes where witches discussed whether it was time for witches to come out to the mortals, (whether mortals could accept that they were just nice normal people trying to live their lives like everybody else - or not - and would just freak out and kill them again).

When it came time to recast Dick York's Darrin with a new 2nd lead, Elizabeth and her husband, William Asher, knowingly cast the gay Dick Sergeant. (Although he wasn't out publicly at the time.) Then, when Sergeant came out in '91, Montgomery supported him and the two served together as the grand marshals of the Hollywood pride parade.

Dick Sargent expressed in the 90s what he would want in a Bewitched reunion episode: for Darrin to meet another like couple, a witch and a mortal who are married, and another, and another, and end up forming a whole community and support group, finding out that it was never so uncommon after all, that it was actually "about 10% of the population." The two would march in the first mortals and witches pride parade, saying they should have come out years ago.

In '94, Montgomery had this to say about the queer themes of the show, “Don't think that didn't enter our minds at the time. We talked about it on the set, that this was about people not being allowed to be what they really are. If you think about it, Bewitched is about repression in general and all the frustration and trouble it can cause. It was a neat message to get across to people at that time in a subtle way.” (x)

Interviewer: Are you concerned that your involvement in the gay-pride parade will lead people to believe you're a lesbian?

"[Laughing] I'm really not worried about that. There are bigger things to worry about. Like the presidential election and finding a cure for AIDS. I did the parade in support of Dick. I mean, in the end, didn't we all?" (x) (Montgomery was also one of the first celebrity allies to fight for LGBTQ rights and support HIV/AIDS-related fundraisers.)

So did they talk about it at the time? No. You can bet they didn't speak about it publicly. What would have happened if a fan, publicly, had asked Elizabeth, William, or Dick about the show's queer allegory content? This was a time when being gay was a literal felony. They would have had to have lied or risked losing the show, their careers, and possibly subjecting themselves to violence.

Now. back to Jensen and the Schrodinger's long con:

This was in 2013 - The same year that the Supreme Court of the United States struck down a federal ban on gay marriage. You certainly couldn't call homosexuality illegal in the US at that time. It's the same year that Dabb and Sgriccia spoke about the Aaron moment on the DVD and whether there's 'this potential for love in all places' for Dean. Of course Jensen said this about the very same scene: "But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or  or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

I'm reminded of 2012 when Ben Edlund stepped in about a Destiel question at comic con, pretending it was some freaky thing that fans had made up even though he'd already written and directed TMWWBK, which had already aired.

Jensen: “What’s Destiel?” Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

Or the next year for season 9 when Jensen said “I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand”  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” EVEN THOUGH- that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and Misha (or both of them?) was told to “play him like a jilted lover”

Or Jensen's knowing bromance smile in 2015

I think recent events (cough spn gate) have made clear that the network and many viewers were still uncomfortable with CAS being gay in 2020, deleting even familial mentions of Cas from the finale episodes once he was revealed to be not only gay but also in love with Dean. (x) (x) (x) Can you imagine then what Warner Brothers would have said to an acknowledge bisexual Dean Winchester in 2013? Granted, there was no Trump election, but legitimate, could that have been the end of the show? Or the Russian and Conservative US viewership? Is it possible that Jensen would have feared so?

Is it possible that Jensen had a more personal reason for a knee jerk defensive response?

So was Jensen covering in 2013? Well. This happened 5 years later in 2018:

That hostile "? No." came even though Misha confirmed that he and Jensen had discussed Destiel by that point. Granted, discussing Destiel as a concept and accepting Dean being inherently bisexual are two very different things - Cas is GN after all - still, less than encouraging.

I may never get over the jumps back and forth that Jensen did. At this point I think there's no denying that a lot of SPN's queer content was on purpose, even as writers and actors were telling fans and network execs otherwise. Yet when each person involved was brought in? that question haunts me at night. I have gone off before about the timeline in my pursuit of whether Jensen was Ben Hur'd (x) and, if so, for how long. I'm sure many in this fandom have so much to add.

In the meantime we'll just have to cherish this moment from 2019:

Interviewer: 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you’re most excited to tackle with your character this final season.’ Jensen: “Cas. Just like a full football form tackle.”

Bewitched references in SPN:

2.05 - Dean: Well, it looks like he can't work his mojo just by twitching his nose, he's gotta use verbal commands.

2.20 - Dean says Barbara Eden was hotter than Elizabeth Montgomery - sigh - Dean.

7.05 - Dean thinks a husband has no idea his wife is a witch, and refers to him as Darrin. Dean also indicates he likes the first Darrin better. - (I guess I can't make a comment about how much TV Dean watched as a kid if I get all of his references and also haven't saved the world.)

14.03 - Jules refers to the witch as 'Brunhilde' - this is a minor character in bewitched but more so from mythology and likely referred to the cartoon witch from WB cartoons - the stereotypical witch that faced bugs bunny with the green skin and straw hair.

let me know if you have any to add. Stay Witchy ✌

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

for @bend-me-shape-me's spn advent calendar 2020. prompt: carols.

dedicated to @one-more-offbeat-anthem!! happy birthday <3

After Chuck's defeated, and Billie's gone, and the Empty has been bargained with (semantics, any of the Winchesters would say if you asked one of the four to elaborate) into returning Cas in exchange for eternal sleep, there's peace.

After they're done, and really done, there's time.

A moment to breathe, a minute to look at the clouds, and hours stretching endless, days on end, resonating with something resembling quiet.

And then, there's a guitar.

*

"Nope." Dean declares. "Never seen that thing in here before. And I once did Christmas inventory by myself, so I should know."

Sam snickers at Dean's cavalier tone. He'd been content to examine the instrument from a distance, unlike his brother, but that didn't mean he wasn't paying attention. "You had to do it yourself, Dean. Those were the exact words of the bet."

"I was drunk, and you hustled me!"

"You've known I play poker my entire life!"

"Well, yeah." Dean flashes his best shit-eating grin. "But you've sucked, your entire life, so —"

"— sure I have —"

"— your entire life has really just been a very long, very lame hustle!" Dean spreads his arms in a display of triumph. "And ergo, you hustled me into Christmas inventory-ing. The case is rested, your honor."

"That's not how you say —"

"Sam. Dean." Cas interjects, loud and exasperated. Sam shuts up immediately, eyes falling to his lap, while Dean exchanges a sheepish look with Cas (and Jack, who to his credit, seemed to be unaffected by the mini-feud. But that's less the part about him being God-Lite and more about him being himself. A kid who grew up watching his dads bicker endlessly and mostly, uneventfully, and has come to terms with it as a primary aspect of (at least, his) family.)

Cas, as usual, puts up with less of their crap. "Is this really necessary right now?"

Dean loves him for it, except when it's targeted at Dean and since that's kind of a lot, he isn't sure he loves it, or just loves Cas and generalises the things he does under the wider bracket of Cas.

"And if it's not," Cas goes on, using what is probably his I-led-garrisons-in-heaven voice, which automatically sends a shiver up Dean's spine. "Can we agree the guitar is, somehow, a recent addition and leave it at that?"

Sam nods slightly, apologetic. Dean just rolls his eyes, but it's a yes. (Everyone there knows it's a yes.)

"It's not cursed." Jack cuts in brightly. "Or out of the ordinary at all."

"So," Dean blinks. "We just happen to have an awesome new guitar show up, completely randomly, in this top secret Bunker no one know about, minus any ulterior motives or death curses?"

Jack grins. "Yes."

"Cool." Dean says immediately, and Sam huffs an amused laugh. He thinks he sees Cas smile as well, and a smirk grows on his face.

"Dibs."

*

Unsurprisingly, nobody counters his dibs, and Dean ends up taking the guitar to his room.

It's after a few days of insecurity, leading right into embarrassment, leading further to ignoring its existence, and further still to a mostly depressive array of memories — before it circles back to insecurity, and is about to repeat all over again, when he stops himself in his proverbial spiral, and decides to just friggin' do it.

That night, he picks up the pick.

Fiddles with it in his hands for a minute, and proceeds to abandon the idea again, because it does not feel right. Different shape, different weight.

And Dean Winchester's already enough of a misfit for this project, for his guitar pick to be a poor goddamn fit in his hand too.

But there's something about being so close that stirs up motivation in his heart, similar to the first day they found the damn thing, and next morning, he's out looking for a music shop in town.

That night, he finally plays.

It's uncertain — experimental — and he soon realizes why nobody ever says a damn thing about guitars when they say you never forget how to ride a bike.

But then, slowly, and really slowly at that, music seems to return to his fingers.

It isn't smooth by any chance, or even really accurate, but there's a faint tug in his brain that leads him to the next chord, and a twitch in his wrist that tells him when to strum, and he's awful, he's really friggin' awful, but even repeatedly saying so in his head refuses to dampen the overwhelming feeling that lights him up from the inside to start to feel like maybe he can play again. There's hope, and there's terrible, off-timed, broken music, and there's Dean in the middle of it, and maybe he can actually do this.

Recollection of how to play had come to his hands as they trembled, and tried, but the exhilaration of it, and the joy, only come back to his heart once he'd stopped, heart racing, adrenaline high, and unexplainable tears pricking his eyes.

Dean Winchester goes to bed that night, giddy in a way he hasn't been in years.

And outside his bedroom, his family of three exchange confused glances when the playing stopped abruptly, and then smiles when a sound that can only be said to bear semblance to a squeal, follows the silence.

(The first song Dean had played in over twenty five years had been Joy to the World.

It had also been the first song he'd ever learned — Cassie's choice, not his. Sam, Cas and Jack didn't know any of that. To them, it had just been a christmas carol. But there was also something so moving about that, soft in a way each of them knew Dean would fight against being, that they didn't realize they hadn't budged from Dean's door, long until faint snores replaced the quiet, and they left for their own beds, wordlessly already having decided on a plan for the next day.)

*

Cas knocks first on Dean's bedroom door, and all music immediately ceases. There's a yell from inside after ten seconds of a shuffling kind of silence.

"Yeah?"

"May I come in?" Cas asks.

Another pause.

Cas wonders worriedly if Sam and Jack were mistaken when they said that Cas had to be first, that he was their best shot at getting Dean to open up — the easiest past Dean's line of defense.

Then Dean says, a little quieter. "Yeah, sure."

Cas enters, gently closing the door behind himself before his eyes land on Dean — and he fights the urge to smile, because Dean hasn't kept away the guitar or anything. It's still on his lap, not in playing stance, with his arms folded over it — but he's not trying to hide it from Cas.

"Is everything okay?" Dean interrupts his reverie. Cas nods.

Neither of them say anything for a minute.

"Can I listen?"

Cas surprises himself with his own courage to ask — no twisted words or excuses to stay, just a simple question. Things were so rarely simple for them, but this wasn't a common occurrence either so it evened out.

"Y-yeah." Dean mutters.

Cas lights up.

"I suck, by the way." Dean adds, almost immediately. "But I'll suck less with time, I'm hoping. I mean, I'm supposed to, you know, but I — uh, I mean — maybe I —"

Cas realizes that he hadn't stopped smiling at Dean and that's what had made Dean falter, and he looks away, embarrassed.

"I'll just play, I guess." Dean manages smally, sounding as embarrassed as him.

"Please."

Dean clears his throat instead of playing.

"Yeah."

Cas can tell he's nervous. Even if he weren't good at, and very used to reading Dean, he could've gauged as much. And he wishes he had the right words, he really does, but he's aware a sincere speech of how much it means that Dean let him stay, and listen, would have the opposite effect of calming.

Then there's another knock on the door, and Cas relaxes.

"Dean?"

Sure enough, it's Jack.

Sam had explained how Dean was most likely, unfortunately, to deflect if he was there — "his denial fires up, Cas. I associate it with a parenting complex of some kind, and he just won't let go of it." — so the order had been decided as Cas, Jack and Sam. No overwhelming by arriving all three at once, or one after the other as if it were planned. No, they'd enter after some time, giving the previous person time to make Dean comfortable to them before the next enters.

Cas thinks it's a rather brilliant plan, and wonders if he should ask Sam to formulate a similar one to get Dean to open up about other things too. He doesn't, ultimately.

"Yeah?" Dean yells back.

"Have you seen Cas?"

That had been the plan.

"Yeah," Dean raises his voice to answer. "He, uh. He's right here. Come on in."

And Jack does, and eyes Cas with probably too much meaning (he means triumph) for Dean to not have noticed, before turning to the latter. "Oh. Were you about to play for Cas?"

Dean colors at that, his ears reddening almost instantly, and Cas files it away for pondering later.

"Can I be here too?"

And Dean's eyes widen a little — sign of anxiety, maybe understanding — and he licks his lips and then he nods. "I guess. I mean, okay, fine. But didn't you need Cas for something?" He adds, confused.

"I," Jack hesitates. Oh no, Cas thinks. Sam's prepared him for this, but Jack looks like he's about to, as Dean would say, wing it. And all-powerful or not, he knows his son is a terrible liar. "No, I just wanted to know if you'd seen him."

Dean narrows his eyes.

"Now I do know. That, uh, you've seen him." Jack braves on, determined to reach the bottom of the proverbial hole he'd dug for himself apparently. "So now, I don't need to know anything. Now I can stay."

Dean sighs.

"I can, right?"

There's a lightness in Dean's voice instead of tension when he says, "Yeah."

"Thank you." Jack says brightly, and all Cas can do is shake his head when Jack turns to him for feedback, and the both of them proceed to wear (nearly matching, but not on purpose) excited stares as they focus on Dean.

*

The final straw is when there's a third knock on the door, and Sam pokes his head in. One unconvincing "Where's everyone at?" later, he's joined Cas and Jack in staring with a unnecessary (and hopefully unintended) comfort-the-vic's-family smile at Dean.

God, he loves these dumbasses and would give his life for everyone present in the room, but none of them can act for shit.

It's glaringly obvious they've all respectively shown up to listen to him play.

Which is bullshit in itself, because Dean wasn't being modest when he told Cas he sucks — he does suck. But then, he doesn't think any of them would mind. Sam would probably unlock new levels of the puppy eyes if he knew how happy even playing awfully, made Dean. Jack would be blunt, of course, but undeterringly sweet. And Cas? He'd probably smile at him all the way through, just — that smile of his, that always seems to make time freeze and Dean's heart stutter.

So Dean decides magnanimously to not call them out.

Right away, anyway.

Instead, he turns to them with a question. "Any requests?"

(He can't play one of the only songs he remembers having learned without errors yet, so obviously asking for requests is the right way to go. But you see, once you've given up on impressing, it's only fair to see yourself to the end of the chaos.)

"Christmas carols." Jack answers before anyone else.

"It's May."

"Sam's," Jack swallows. Dean should really get on teaching the kid how to lie. "Sam's making me listen to carols."

"In May?" He asks his brother this time.

Sam shrugs, struggling to keep a diplomatic face.

"You're going to grow up to be the young adult who doesn't take off the Christmas lights in January." Dean informs Jack, who absorbs his words with all the seriousness Dean should have expected. "And, fine. We can do carols."

Cas speaks up. "Any carol you'd like, Dean."

"Nah," Dean shakes his head. "Jack requested it. We'll do what he says." And he insists to his conscience that he said so because he wants to make Jack happy, and not because he's well aware the kid isn't being subjected to carols by Sam in friggin' May, and probably doesn't know any.

"Oh." Jack's face falls. He looks at Sam in the most conspicuous way anyone's ever looked at anyone. "I —"

"Uhhuh?"

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!" Cas blurts, on behalf of Jack, and there's a two second gap where Sam facepalms and Jack exchanges a conspirational glance with Cas, and then Dean's throwing his head back and laughing.

And soon, Sam's joining in with an exasperated kind of chuckling as if he's gotten stuck in the wrong team but he doesn't regret a thing, and then Cas starts too, mostly from looking at Dean losing his shit (Dean strictly ignores thinking about that part and focuses on imprinting Cas's laugh to memory) and probably also because the ridiculosity of the entire situation probably struck him, and of course Jack's smiling at all of them, and it's, altogether, everything Dean could ever have wished for.

The evening ends with Dean playing Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (of course) for at least an hour while consistently getting better at the repeating music, and although it's him humming under his breath (like he always has while playing) that starts it off, soon all of them are offering their own awful renditions to the chaos. Cas is off-key, Sam somehow manages to screw up the lyrics, and Jack is as flat as a friggin' plateau.

And it all comes together in a wholly unmelodious kind of awesome — to Dean the same way they say a mother's love comes through for an ugly child.

After Rudolph, it's Silent Night (another song Dean's learned, it hits him, once he's trying to find the right chord) and even Cas manages to look disappointed at the lyrics Sam and he come up with to make up for not knowing the real ones, and since Jack's never heard this one, he simply listens in rapt attention leaving Dean wondering if he probably ended up learning the wrong version on account of all his concentration.

And last of all, it's We Wish You A Merry Christmas, and Dean plays the chorus enough times that he's perfect at it, because for once, no one messes up the beat or the lyrics, and everyone has the most fun.

All in all, it's an evening to remember.

What Dean learns through it all is primarily the lesson that letting your family think they tricked you into having an audience is sometimes an excellent choice to make, and that things can be crap, but still be enjoyed. That doesn't mean he's not going to practice his ass off learning to play at least the choruses of the Led Zepp tracks he gifted Cas (the idea came to him in bed last night, and Cas has always sounded like he enjoyed them, okay?) so he can play them 'for Cas' as the kid so casually put — but then, some things are different from other things, just the way some love's different too.

And while some things are about efforts, and saying the words that scare you, others are about letting go, and singing carols in bright and sunny May.

The only thing Dean's sure about is that just about all of it comes down to being free.

[norahastuff]

Damn that was a good episode. To me it’s felt like there’s been this great sense of dread hanging over this last stretch of episodes, and in an odd way it’s almost a relief to have it brought to the forefront like this.

I think many of us knew that following Billie’s plan was not going to work out. She’s just another cosmic being, a greater power and thus her priorities were always going to lie elsewhere. Chuck’s motivated by the desire for power and by his ego and narcissism. For Billie it’s about rules and order. They see humanity as inconsequential or perhaps in Billie’s case, an afterthought. Hence why following her plan was never going to work. The importance of humanity - the idea that each human matters and is worth something - as well as free will are the two main themes this show is built on. It will take someone who loves humanity and values free will to be able to fix this.

We’ve known that Chuck’s been orchestrating things, but I found it interesting to see how exactly he’d been doing that. This season has put a lot of focus on Dean’s anger. Dean had it drilled into him since he was a child that he was not allowed to be weak, that he had to be the strong one. This resulted in him gravitating towards other unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to survive, and when whiskey and denial weren’t enough, he used anger. He cloaked his fear, sadness and confusion under layers of rage because he didn’t know how else to confront these feelings.

Chuck knows this about Dean, but he also has a very surface level read on Dean and who he really is. Sure he can use Dean’s anger to manipulate him, but that’s not all Dean is. We’ve seen from his tearful prayer to Cas earlier this season:

“I don't know why I get so angry. I just know…I know that it’s- it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just…it comes out. And I can't -I can't stop it. No matter how - how bad I want to, I just can't stop it.”

Underneath the anger, there’s pain and vulnerability, and when Dean allows himself to feel those things and be honest with himself that’s something Chuck doesn’t really understand, and that’s when Dean becomes unpredictable. Chuck’s relying on the versions of his characters that he created, not really getting that they go deeper than that now.

The ultimate example of this is Cas. Cas seemed to exist around the periphery this week, but honestly that’s exactly what I would have expected in an episode that was about the main characters in Chuck’s book. Cas wasn’t supposed to play a major role in any of this. Sam and Dean were. Amara was. Jack had the biggest role of all, but Cas wasn’t supposed to be in this story, and Chuck once again confirms he was never supposed to be in any of the stories.

Cas defecting was the one wild card that led to all the dominoes falling back in season 4 (ok yes I’m mixing metaphors but you get my point.) That made him an interesting toy for a while. Wind him up and watch him go. I found Chuck repeating Cas’ greatest one liner hilarious. He had such contempt in his voice and I think he was partly annoyed he could never write a line as epic as the one Cas effortlessly came up with. Actually Michael mocked that line last season too, both him and Chuck doing their best impressions of Cat’ gravelly delivery of “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

I have no evidence to support this other than how irritated Chuck seemed by that line and also his famously bad writing skills. I also maintain that Chuck had no part whatsoever in crafting the magnificent “Hey assbutt!”

Cas was definitely not supposed to be in that part of the story.

But Cas no longer interests Chuck. He doesn’t fit into the story he wants to tell and so Chuck believes he has no place in it. And you know what? He’s right. Cas doesn’t fit into this story because he exists outside of it. His choices were his own. That gave him a power that no one else really had, and I think Cas has felt the weight of this for a long time. He knows what it’s like to have no free will, he lived that way for eons, and he also knows what breaking out of that feels like. His unfamiliarity with free will and how to navigate such a complicated concept led to him making choices he’s never been able to forgive himself for. It’s made him feel profound pain, guilt and confusion about his place in the world, if he even has one.

And yet as he’s told us over and over again, he wouldn’t take that back for anything.

“What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

We know what Cas would choose. What he continues to choose. He told Dean at the beginning of the season that he knew what was real “we are.” I don’t know if it was wise for Chuck to confirm just how right Cas actually was about that. Cas has spent this whole season thinking he had no role, no importance in the grand plan, but as he now learns, he’s had no place in any of the fights…and yet he’s never let that stop him before.

As a sidenote, I’m not saying much about this because I’m curious about whether the show will address this properly next week but I wonder how this affects Dean’s view of Cas. I don’t think Dean fully believed him earlier this season when Cas reassured him that they were real. As much as he loves and cares for Cas, Dean has always felt insecure about his place in Cas’ life and what he means to him.

So when Dean discovered that he had in fact just been a hamster in wheel being controlled by Chuck, it’s not too much of a surprise that he would start to question his relationship with the angel who literally fell from heaven and into his life. Although I know after their purgatory getaway, they were in a much better place, I think there was still a part of Dean that didn’t fully trust that the feelings were real. There has been so much mess and pain in the past with Cas, how is he to know how much of that was Chuck trying to create drama and how much of it was Cas’ own choices? Well now he knows. It all was. Every time Cas chose him over anything (or anyone) else, it was real.

This episode raised a lot of questions about Cas. Now I just have to try sit patiently and hope next week will answer some of them.

[spnshameblog]

I'm sure someone has already talked about this, but ive been in firm denial this past half year and ive only now really thought about what this ending means and its hysterical lmao.

So we have cas, who is without any doubt the third lead at this point, dramatically confess his love to dean, one of the two Main characters, and then castiel seemingly dies.

In any normal show this would mean that castiel is gone for sure and they just buried a gay, but considering spn's history with characters staying dead, its pretty unlikely we wont see the third lead again, especially after such a dramatic confession and when there are still two entire episodes left. Its just common sense.

So then shit happens, they defeat god, we are explicitly reminded on multiple occassions that castiel is not there at the moment and that dean very much wants him back and that god probably has the power to get him back. Anyways Jack, castiels son who is also sad about cas not being there, becomes god and then just leaves, seemingly without resurrecting cas.

Time goes on, five months if we are ready to believe that, and the boys return to their normal (?) life of hunting, however we see that the boys are making Plans for a life after hunting. They very briefly mention cas and Jack, no mention of the confession and seemingly no Plans to contact/rescue either of them, despite it being EXPLICITLY POSSIBLE TO DO SO.

Dean then dies on a lame ass hunt that contradicts information established as early as season 1 (how the fuck are Vamp mimes in the journal when John didnt even know Vampires existed). Neither sam nor dean choose to pray to cas or Jack to save dean from dying.

Dean dies and meets bobby in heaven. Bobby tells him that Jack apparently rescued cas from the empty and has been there. That entire. Time. While dean obviously thought he was dead. Five months. After confessing his love for him. He didnt check in with him once, dean didnt ask Jack about cas and cas didnt come down to earth that entire time.

So now dean goes on a drive that, going by sam's appearance on his deathbed, goes on for approximately 100 years and in that time he doesnt meet up with anyone, including castiel, who is confirmed to be in heaven and DIED to save dean after confessing his feelings.

This is absolutely ridiculous and its exactly what tptb want us to believe happened.

Im honestly curious how people who dont actively repress the memory of the finale interpret this. Is dean so deeply homophobic that hes actually glad cas died so he doesnt have to see the queer Angel ever again? Is cas embarrassed by showing his entire emotional ass and is actively avoiding dean? Is jack keeping cas from seeing dean? HOW are you making this make sense, im fucking stumped, how am i even supposed to accept this as canon? Its so bad hkvjvgjbj

[dcforts]

[monday 4: bet]

ao3

Four times Eileen thought Dean and Castiel were more than friends and one time Sam (finally) saw it too.

i.

Eileen likes the bunker. As a hunter you learn to be grateful and appreciative of things that others give for granted. Like waking up feeling safe, knowing that nothing can jump right through your window and attack you. Like pressing your cheek on a soft pillow without having to worry about bed bugs and filth. Like opening your bedroom door and smelling coffee.

She smiles and follows it right to the kitchen.

She doesn’t expect to find Castiel standing next to the coffee machine. He is in his usual attire, looking exactly as the last time she’s seen him. He looks up as soon as she enters and smiles politely at her. “Good morning” he says, “Would you like some coffee?”.

She smiles back, nods and waits for him to fill her a mug. 

Then she sits at the table and watches as Dean appears on the door, his eyes sleepy, his hair messy, the belt of his robe loosely tied. He waves lazily in her direction then goes straight towards Castiel, holding out a hand to grab the mug that he was already offering him. No words between them, just soft smiles, as if it’s a thing they do every day. She has not been around the Winchesters that much but she is fairly sure she’s never seen a more content expression on Dean’s face.

He sits down next to her and closes his eyes, lost in the smell of the coffee.

“Good morning to me” she reads on his lips, with his eyes still closed, as if he’s talking to himself.

*

 So, you know, Eileen is a very good observer. It’s a crucial skill for a hunter, especially someone who hunts alone and has no extra pair of eyes to rely on.

Later that day, Eileen and Sam are pressed against each other on a couch, both ignoring how “sharing a laptop” is a such a lame excuse for two adults to sit closely together. But whatever. Sam is showing her a restricted online archive about lore in European historical findings that he was able to crack into when she catches Dean passing by the door and she remembers about that morning.

“Sam,” she interrupts whatever he was saying on some magical old stones. “can I ask you a question?”

He nods. “Sure.”

“Castiel and your brother,” she signs, hoping that that’s enough input for Sam.  Clearly it isn’t, because he keeps looking as if he’s expecting her to go on. “Are they… together?”

He frowns and ask: “Together? As in…?”

In response she signs: “Love.”

Sam has the funniest reaction. His face goes blank and he starts staring into the distance as if he’s processing a word he is not used to hear. He snaps out of it right when Eileen is wondering if she should wave a hand in front of his face. “No,” he says, “it’s not like that.”

She gives him a look as if to say “Please”.

“Really, they – they are like brothers.”

Eileen makes a disgusted face and signs: “Brothers?”

He makes an annoyed face back. “Yes. It’s not like that,” he repeats.

“They act like a couple,” she signs.

He shakes his head. “You are wrong.”

“It looks like there’s something more between them,” she insists in the face of his blunt denial. “Wanna bet?” she signs raising her eyebrows.

Sam frowns and signs: “I’m not betting on my brother.”

“Come on.” she says, then signs “If I win, I want you to cook for me.”

Sam laughs. “I can just do it. No need for any of this.”

She shakes her head and smiles: “Don’t worry, you will. When I win.”

 *

 ii.

They’ve been working like crazy, taking all kinds of jobs up and down the state. It’s tiring but as a team of four they can get it down in a fraction of the time it would take if they were on their own. Plus, it’s definitely more fun even if it feels like they barely have the time to put down their bags before something else comes up and they’re out of the bunker again.

This time, it looks like a simple enough job that could take two days top. Sam is checking their supplies once again and Castiel is sitting at the map table flipping through a magazine when Dean finally appears in the room.

“Alright, let’s go” he says clapping his hands together.

Sam looks up and makes an horrified face: “Wait. Dean, what are you wearing?”

“What? Oh, yeah. It’s a cowboy shirt.”

“You can’t wear that. With that thing on your shoulders. We are not going trick or treating.”

“Hey! Don’t insult the shirt.”

Eileen laughs at the exchange so Sam addresses her. “Eileen, please tell him.”

She just shrugs amused and Sam looks betrayed so Dean keeps going: “It’s not my fault we’ve been out all week and I didtn’t have time to do my laundry. This is the only clean thing I have left.”

“Well, you can’t come dressed like that. Just take one of mine.”

“You have freakishly long arms, Sam, I’m gonna look like I’ve shrunked in my clothes.”

Eileen turns to Castiel who seems engrossed in his magazine that has titles on the cover of the kind “Top 10 poisonous plants you can find in the jungle” right next to “What colours should you paint your garden shed”. It looks like he is used to it and knows that staying away from their arguments is the safest strategy to survive with the Winchesters. She taps him on his shoulder. “What do you think?” she signs, interrupting Dean and Sam who are still going at it.

Castiel looks up but Dean cuts him off before he can open his mouth: “Why are you asking him for? He has never changed once in his life.”

Castiel shoots him an annoyed look but doesn’t respond to the provocation. “Did you check the laundry room?” he says calmly instead.

Sam glances over his shoulder to look at him.

Dean just stares, seemingly confused.

“You always forget your clean clothes in the laundry room. There should be a red one that you haven’t wore this week yet. I assume it’s still there.”

Dean thinks about it for a few seconds, then nods: “Yeah, you’re probably right. Be right back.”

Castiel sighs and goes back to his magazine without another word.

Sam’s gaze meets Eileen’s. She raises her eyebrows and signs “Cute”.

Sam mouths back. “It means nothing”.

She just laughs and takes the stairs.

 *

 iii.

It’s a rainy afternoon and they are keeping busy cleaning their weapons and filling shotgun shells of rock salt. At some point Sam looks up from where he is sitting right next to Eileen.

“Hey Cas,” he says “remember that book that you were reading last week about sigils? I wondered if I could borrow that. I wanted to scan it and send it around to other hunters.”

“Sounds like a good plan. I’ll give to you later.”

“Oh, no, there’s no rush if you are still reading it.”

“It’s not bother. I’m not reading tonight anyway. I’m watching a movie with Dean.”

Dean, on the other side of the table, lifts his gaze for a moment at the sound of his name then goes back to his gun.

“O-okay, thanks.” says Sam.

Eileen meets his gaze briefly and holds back a smile.

Only when they are left alone she nudges him with an elbow and Sam knows immediately what she is going to address.

He grumbles: “They watch movies together all the time, they are friends!”

Eileen shakes her head. “But why haven’t they invited us?” she signs, then answers her own question: “Date night.”

“No, you don’t understand. Dean has been showing him all the stuff he doesn’t know.”

“I understand very well that I won the bet” she says challenging him.

Sam sighs and signs. “There is no bet. And it’s not like that.”

 *

 iv.

They are on a hunt. Well, actually they are at some kind of fair. The spirit they are chasing has shown up in all the towns that the travelling fair has hit in the past few months, so the safest bet is that it’s somehow hunting the place.

For now, they are just walking around in the crowd, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious. They have a duffel bag full of salt, shotguns and blades but from the outside they just look like four people that have come out to enjoy the fair on a fine evening.

Dean is in a very good mood. “I can’t believe they still do these things” was his comment on the way there and since they’ve arrived he has been complaining that he can’t stop at none of the games before the job is done. Eileen finds endearing the way he manages to protect that part of him that makes him excited for things like that even with the life he has. It’s not easy to reconcile the image of that man with sparkly eyes with the one she has seen swaying a machete a couple of days before.

“Hey!” he shouts at one point, jogging a few feet ahead of them and waving to get their attention. “Guys, look, it’s Cas!” He stops at one of the stands and grabs a tan teddy bear with a blue tie that is on display. Sam snorts and Dean keeps grinning like it’s the funniest thing ever and points at Castiel who has an expression on his face that seems to say Did we really stop for this? “It’s you!” Dean laughs again “I bet you didn’t know you had a twin, uh?”

“Alright, let’s go,” Sam tries to get them moving again and Dean jogs back up to them and falls in steps with Castiel.

Eileen looks his way in time to see him put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders and pull him close. His lips read: “What? It was adorable. Wanna win it for me later?”

She turns her face to look at Sam and finds him next to her.

“Adorable” she mouths at him. He rolls his eyes. “He just likes to joke”.

*

v.

It happens again and again. Eileen looks pointedly at Sam when Dean pops into the kitchen to say “Me and Cas are going out. Need anything?” or when they find them engaged in a serious conversation or sharing a drink. She looks at him whenever Dean calls Castiel “Sunshine” and whenever Castiel asks “Where’s Dean?” before he even gets both of his feet in the room.

Sam dismisses every moment, finds every excuse for them. They’ve always been like that. Can’t two friends do it? Does it have to mean something? It’s just the way they are.

Now, Sam is in a sticky diner with his brother who is across from him and can’t seem to sit still. A couple of days before they got two calls in a matter of hours and they’ve gone north while Eileen has gone south. Coincidentally Cas has been contacted about a lead on God’s position so he’s gone too.

So it’s just the two of them again and Dean is tapping on the screen of his phone every two seconds as if he doesn’t trust that it will let him know if he has a new notification.

“Dude, what’s up with you?” snaps Sam when he can’t take anymore of his fidgeting.

“Cas.” he grumbles. “I texted him last night and I got no word back yet. We said we would check in with each other every night, so...” he frowns.

“I’m sure he is fine” Sam says, before thanking the waiter that brings them their food.

Setting down his plate his gaze falls on his own phone, and he is reminded of the last time he texted Eileen and she has taken a long time to reply. How he worried, how he needed to know she was fine. How he feels on his fingertips the need to type something to her right now. How he can’t wait to see her again.

He looks up at Dean who’s taking a bite of his burger.

“What?” he says with his mouth full in response to his staring,

Sam smiles a little. “Nothing.”

Dean takes another bite, still watching him so Sam sighs. “Dean,” he dares, “with Cas. I mean… is there…”

He gets interrupted by Dean’s phone lighting up with an incoming call. His brother drops his burger and picks it up without a care for his greasy hands.

“Finally.” He says, then presses it against his ear: “What did we say, uh? How many times I gotta tell you?” he barks in lieu of Hello.

Sam watches him while he listens to whatever Castiel is saying on the other end. He sees his forehead striped with worried lines relax by the second.

When Dean speaks again his voice is definitely softer. “You are an idiot, but alright. Yeah, we just got here,” the frown disappears and his voice goes quieter still, “Okay. Yeah, I’ll see you at home.” his eyes flicker to Sam and he clears his throat so when he speaks again his tone is back to normal. “Remind me to kick your ass for making me worry.”

Castiel says something back that Sam assumes sounds like You can try because Dean’s eyebrows rise comically. “What? You don’t think I can take you?” he says. “Yeah tough guy, anytime. Wanna bet?”

Sam tunes out. He touches his phone and opens up his conversation with Eileen. He types:

Alright, what do you want me to cook?

I am participating in the spnstayathomechallenge by @bend-me-shape-me @pray4jensen @helianthus21

[janicho88]

Falling For You -Part 6

January

Pairing- Dean xJo,  Eventual Dean x Female!Reader, Past Reader x OMC Justin, mentioned.

Word count-6777  

Warnings- REMEMBER SLOW BURN! We'll be interrupting the fluff you have had to bring you angst this chapter, along with unrequited feelings, heartbreak, and two morons who need to learn to talk to each other.  Possible language, there is a dash of fluff. Seriously thought a lot of angst in this one. Sorry! 

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. This story is AU  Thank you to @waywardbeanie and @whatareyousearchingfordean for helping me keep these 2 characters in line, letting me bounce ideas off of you, and send you random messages when something pops in my head. 

I debated about posting today with everything with the finale last night.  If you aren’t up to reading right now that’s perfectly fine.

Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door.  Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to. 

The New Year’s Party and its ramifications.  Remember how we left the last chapter?  Sorry!! I am going to try and have the next one out on Monday.  Until then I think I’m going to go hide.   

Series Masterlist

Nine days, since you have seen Dean.  He sent a text this morning about getting together tonight, you have an appointment with Meg, but should be able to meet up with Dean first.  You can’t wait to see him again.  Just after your lunch break your phone beeps with a text. ‘Sorry Sweetheart, I’m going to have to stay late tonight.  Tomorrow maybe?’

Of course he’s been away for a week Jo must be there today and he wants to spend time with her.  Texting him back ‘Sorry I can’t tomorrow’ you return to your work.  Charlie notices the change in your demeanor and comments on it.

“What happened to you?  You were an unbearable rainbow of cheerfulness this morning, now it looks like someone stole your pot of gold?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Yeah and I’m dating the fairy queen. Spill.”

“I had dinner plans with Dean, he just canceled.  It’s nothing.”

“Okay, but I don’t think you really believe that.”

That night at Meg’s dress fitting she wasn’t in the best of moods because her dress was a bit tight.

“Meg,” you tried to reason with her, “you scheduled this for days after Christmas, too many sweets over the weekend.  You will be fine.”

“Nope time for bridal bootcamp.  Diets and exercise in the New Year, no more random baking.  We are going to look killer in April.”  

“Am I to assume I’m doing this with you?”  She just stared at you, Meg wasn’t the type of friend to beg.  “Fine, at least I work out already.  You are the one who’s going to have to get used to the gym again.”

Wednesday you got out of work at three and headed home to finish your deserts, get yourself ready and head out by 6 to help Meg set up. Knocking on the door Cas lets you in taking the orange cranberry cake from you.  Following him to the kitchen Meg looks over when you enter. 

“Are those deserts?” She raises her brows giving you a hard look as you set them out on the table.

Taking your time in replying, you turn back to her, “Yes, Bridezilla they are the two you asked me to make a few weeks ago.  You have the round orange cranberry cake for good luck and the raspberry parfaits in wine glasses, they just need whip cream on top along with a cherry. 

 You said bootcamp starts in the new year, that’s tomorrow enjoy tonight. ”

“Who’s going to bootcamp?”  Dean asked as he, Sam and Jess just joined you in the kitchen.  

Jess walks over to check out what you brought and to give you a hug while Meg explains to Dean about her bootcamp.

“You are the best man Winchester, maybe you should join us.”

“I don’t think so, Meg.  I just got a coupon book for Christmas and I fully intend to use it.”  He looks at you with a big smile on his face, you send him back a small one.  Okay maybe you were a tiny bit upset about him staying at work with Jo Monday.   

Cas calls the guys into the other room while you and Jess help Meg, before he leaves Dean walks over to you.  “I’m sorry about Monday.  I was looking forward to seeing you.  Can we talk later?”

“Sure Dean.”

When they leave Jess digs into her bag and hands you and Meg both a box.  “Sam and I were talking today and I realized I had completely forgotten to give these to you guys when I did them last month.  In my head we were already past this.”  You and Meg looked at each other then Jess, not sure what she was getting at with the boxes.  “Come on, open them!”

Carefully unwrapping and opening the box you just stared at its contents not sure what to say yet.

“Oh look,” exclaimed Meg, “the wino gave us wine!”

“You really want me to be your Maid of Honor?”  You whispered.  Meg’s request to be hers wasn’t a shock to you, Jess’ was. 

“Yes I really do.”  We’ve gotten to be great friends this last year, and I want you up there with me.  We both know Meg won’t do it.”

“Nope, we have already had this discussion planning your wedding, I’m no one's bitch.”

You both shook your head at Meg and Jess started speaking again. “I have a cousin who will be in the wedding and a friend from work, but I’m not as close with them.  I don’t have a sister yet, but I have a feeling one day soon I will.  So yes, I want you. Please, don’t make me get Sam in here with the puppy dog eyes.”

“I would be honored Jess, I’ve had plenty of practice with Megzilla over there.”  Meg stuck her tongue out at you before heading to pour you all a shot to toast with.  “This is super cute by the way.”

“Thanks, how did Meg ask?”

Well, when Meg asked me she handed me an envelope with cardstock inside that said something about I was the only person she likes, will you be my Maid of Honor?”  

“It’s true.   According to my mother I had to have my two cousins in the wedding, but no way was I dealing with one of them as my MOH.”

“How did you ask them?  You never did tell me.” 

“Hey sluts you’re going to be in my wedding right?”

Looking at her a moment before you said anything, “I’d ask if you were joking, but I’m pretty sure you’re serious.”

“I am. Your ask was as fancy as I was getting. Okay enough wedding talk for the night, time to get the party started!”

It wasn’t too big of a party, besides the six of you a few of Cas’ friends from work were there, his brother Gabe, sister Anna both of whom had come up to visit Cas, and Charlie. 

Later that night the guys are watching some competition in the living room while the ladies are hanging out in the kitchen.  Charlie who was one of the last to arrive, looks over at you and asks “So is this infamous Dean here tonight, do I get to actually meet him?”  

The punch you had just taken a drink of flying right back out.  Meg grins looking over at you before turning to Charlie.  “Has she been talking about one green eyed mechanic at work?”

“Practically every day, you should have seen how down she got Monday when he canceled dinner with her.”

Jess joins the conversation next, “Is she as in denial with you as she is with us?”

Finally finding your voice, “I’m not in denial.”

“You mean about how they are just friends, and she wasn’t moping at all last week when he was out of town. Or how she was fine when she wasn’t going to see him on Monday.”

“I wasn’t moping and I WAS fine on Monday.”

“Oh” Meg starts talking, no one is paying attention to you. “Have you seen the way her face lights up when she gets a call or text from him?”

“It does not.”

“Yes,” answered Charlie, “and you don’t even have to ask who it is, the face says it all.”

All three turn to look at you, “Oh are you actually going to acknowledge I’m here now?  For the millionth time, we are just friends.”  They all start laughing, rolling your eyes you turn away.

Jess comes over and puts her arm around your shoulders, “Come on Y/N, we are starting a new year shortly let’s start it honestly.  How do you really feel about Dean?”

“Guys, I don’t know how to be any clearer.  Dean and I are friends, simply friends.  There will never be anything more.  We are never going to date, or get married, please just drop it.”  

Dean’s point of view

Checking my watch it’s after 11,  I haven’t had a chance to talk to Y/N alone yet.  If I’m going to sort everything out before midnight I need to go find her.  Cas had come back into the room a few minutes ago so I asked him where the girls are and he directs me to the kitchen.  Grabbing my beer I head that way.  Standing in the hall near the door I can hear them laughing, but I don’t hear Y/N’s laugh.  She has the cutest one.  Then I hear Jess start talking and she asks Y/N about me.  This could be perfect timing to what I want to talk to her about.

 “Guys, I don’t know how to be any clearer.  Dean and I are friends, simply friends.  There will never be anything more.  We are never going to date, or get married, please drop it.”  

Her words were a knife through my heart.  I guess it was the perfect time to realize I would be damaging our friendship if I told her how I felt.  So much for mom’s intuition.  Turning back  around quickly, I head outside for some time alone.

Standing out in the cold with the snow blowing around so many thoughts running through my head.  I was really hoping my mom was right about Y/N, I didn’t realize how much I had imagined she was and what was going to happen next with us.  Then my thoughts unfortunately go to everything Lisa has thrown at me.  Maybe she’s right and no one is going to really want me for me.  Y/N knows so much about me, she’s really the first person I let in in a long time.  I thought I could be myself around her but she saw who that was and  she doesn’t want to be with me.  She just made that perfectly clear.  Hearing a car horn in the distance I think about work and what Benny had said this week.  Jo doesn’t really know me, maybe it’s not too late to change for her to stay interested.

Back in the kitchen

Everyone was looking at you and you continued to pretend the floor was extremely interesting. 

“If that were the truth and you really felt that way, you would be looking at us and saying it, not explaining it to the floor.”  Meg tells you.

“Why do you keep insisting there is nothing there?  We’ve seen the two of you together, and you were totally pouting at the party when he was late because of Jo. Your eyes were greener than Dean’s that night.  What’s really going on, it's time to be honest with us.”  

“You want the truth? Yeah, Dean is an amazing guy, probably the best one I’ve met.  I’m not the girl for him.  He deserves someone so much better than me.  He likes to go out and do things, he likes horror movies and haunted woods. He needs someone who doesn’t get scared easily. Someone who isn’t going to hold him back and ruin his good time.  Someone he can be proud to be seen out with.  We all know that’s not me.”  You turn away as you finish to hide the tears threatening to fall. 

Meg and Jess exchange looks before Meg walks over and gives you a hug. “See this is where we don’t let Justin win.  It’s time to move on and be happy.”

Jess appears on your other side, “Dean is nothing like Justin. If something scares you he’ll be there for you just like at the Halloween party.  He won’t belittle you for it.  He would be very proud to be seen with you.  I’ve known Dean a long time Y/N, I haven’t ever seen him as happy as he is when he’s spending time with you.  We aren’t kidding when we say we see the two of you together.” 

“Thanks ladies, will you give me a minute.”  Heading to the restroom to regroup you clean up smudged makeup and try and calm yourself down.  Jess and Meg were right, it was time to move on.  You also needed to stop wrestling your feelings for Dean down.  You weren’t going to find a better guy than him anywhere. 

Walking back down the hallway you saw Dean coming in the front door, his face looked a bit red must have been cold out there.  Giving him a smile you walked his way, “Hey Dean you said you wanted to talk.”

“Oh yeah, it wasn’t important.  I was just going to see how your week is going. I really want to see if this guy makes the jump I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,”  You watched him head back to the living room.  A feeling in your gut told you something in that short conversation wasn’t right. 

11:50 you helped Meg and Jess carry in glasses of champagne to the living room getting ready for the countdown.  Meg made Cas turn on ‘Rockin New Year’s Eve Countdown’ that you all had been watching in the other room. 

 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1.Happy New Year!! As you watched the couples around you kiss their significant other you turned to look at Dean who had walked away when you stood next to him before the countdown.  His eyes briefly met yours before quickly turning away.  You wished Charlie a Happy New Year before moving on to Meg and Jess, Dean had left the room before you reached him. Finally finding him in the kitchen with a beer.

“Happy New Year, Dean.  I hope you have a much better one than last year.”

“Yeah well it’s off to one hell of a start,” he snarled out.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”  You weren’t exactly sure what was going on with him.  You were only minutes into the new year.

“Well I guess there is a lot I shouldn’t be feeling.  See ya Y/N.”  With that he grabbed his coat from the back of the chair quickly exiting the room, leaving a stunned you behind.

Starting the clean up in the kitchen you didn’t feel much like going back out and joining the rest of them.  Meg found you a little while later most of the food cleaned up and put away.  

“What are you doing in here?”

“Just picking up, I didn’t want you to worry about it.”

“You and Dean both disappeared; we thought you’d be making out somewhere.”

“Nope, just me,  He grabbed his coat. I don’t know where he went.”

Over the next week you tried to make plans to meet up with Dean, but he either ignored your calls and texts or sent one word replies.  It seemed he was too busy to get together with you right now.  That Saturday you were heading back to your apartment with Charlie when you ran into Sam and Jess in the elevator.  

“Hey Y/N, where’s Dean?” Sam asked you looking around.

“I haven’t seen him since the New Year’s party.  He’s been acting a little weird. He's not with me, I don’t know. Why do you think I’d know where he is?” 

Sam looked over at Jess before continuing, seeing her frown and shrug he reluctantly answered you.  “He said he had a date tonight.  We both thought it was with you.”

“No, not with me.”  You are fighting to keep a neutral face and not break down when you answer.  “Guess this goes to show we were only friends.  I got to go, talk to you guys later.”  Quickly exiting the elevator when it opened you rushed to your door with Charlie following behind.

Sam watched you go, he saw the hurt you were trying to hide and he felt so bad when he saw your face fall.  My brother’s an idiot he thought to himself.  

Once inside the safety of your apartment you paced from the living room to the kitchen and back again trying to calm down.  Charlie was standing by the door watching, waiting to see what you were going to do next.   Ten minutes later you were still pacing and Charlie answered the knock at your door.  Meg entered not noticing what you were doing yet.  

“Okay, I’m ready to talk about the groom's cake, Castiel is extremely excited you agreed to make that one.  I want you to know, I am fully expecting you to go home with the best man after my wedding.”

At that you lost the little composure you were holding onto throwing yourself down on the couch grabbing a throw pillow and screaming into it, before those screams turned to tears.

“Okay, I thought we were past denying our feelings for Dean.”

She couldn’t understand your blubbering through the tears so Charlie translated.  “She just found out from Sam that Dean’s on a date tonight.”

Meg picked up her phone dialing someone, “Are you home?  Then get over here now.  Y/N’s.”  Turning to Charlie still standing by the door, “Will you open that?”

Confused, Charlie did as she was asked pulling it open, just as Jess came rushing in.  Seeing you crying on the couch she rushed over to give you a hug.  “I’m so sorry, Sam and I were sure it was you.”

You cried into her shoulder trying to once again push down the emotions you had finally admitted for Dean.  Meg walked over to sit on the other side of you.  “When did this happen, and who’s the chick?  I texted Cas and he doesn’t know anything about it.”

“Sam asked Dean if he wanted to come over tonight and Dean said he had a big date tonight and couldn’t.  He didn’t mention a name so we both thought…”  She trailed off but looked down at you before looking back at Meg.

“What is he thinking? He’s..”

“It’s fine,” Your shaky voice cut Meg off before she could keep going.  “I’m just over reacting anyway.  I told you guys he didn’t see me as more than a friend.  He told me he didn’t want to get back out there and date.  I guess he just meant he didn’t want to date me.”   

Taking a deep breath you continued, “Justin was right I’m not worth it.  I would have just ruined things between us anyways. I ruin everything, that’s probably why Dean is dating someone else.  He’s tired of me ruining things for him.”

“What do you think you ruined?”  Meg wants to know.

“I don’t know but obviously something.”

“Oh honey, that’s not true at all, Dean couldn’t do any better than you.” Jess said, giving you another hug.

“It’s okay. This will be for the best.”

“Do you really believe that?”  Jess asked you.

“Eventually I will.”  Giving her one more hug you get up to get yourself a drink of water.  You glance at the picture frame sitting on your end table, laying it flat as you go by, willing the tears to stay away.  Blowing your nose before heading back you try to act like you have it put together.  Fake it till you make it right?

“You came over to talk wedding Meg, let’s talk about something happy.”

“It’s okay it can wait for another day.”

“No, I can wallow in my own self pity when I’m alone, it’s fine.”

The girls try their best to distract you for the evening and you let them think they are.  They don’t need to know that every other thought is Dean on a date with someone else.  You know this means things are going to have to change for you.  

Over the next week Jess and Meg both tried to get you out of your apartment in the evenings, but you kept finding excuses to avoid them.  One night you even had to leave your apartment so Jess would believe you actually were going out.  Granted you sat in your car for an hour in the parking lot, but at least she left you alone the rest of the night. You just didn’t feel right hanging out with them right now.  Yes, they were your friends, but you had gotten used to spending time with them along with Dean.  That wasn’t an option any more.  Dean was Sam’s brother and Cas’ best friend.  He wasn’t going to stay away from them.  You couldn’t handle seeing him with his new girlfriend right now so you stayed away.   Not to mention you would be the odd one out now, everyone else being in a relationship. 

 Speaking of the man, you never heard from him this week.  Nothing since Friday when you asked him if he wanted to come over or go out and grab dinner.  All you got was a text back with ‘Can’t.’  This was the longest you've gone without talking since you met.  You really missed your friend, but it looked like you would have to get used to that. 

The weekend after you found out about Dean’s new girl you were sitting on your couch watching Hallmark movies.  Why couldn’t things in your life work out like that.  Meet a great guy, he actually likes you, maybe there was a smidge of drama then happy ever after.  But your life wasn’t a romantic comedy.  You didn’t think you would ever get that happy ever after.  A knock interrupted your pity party for one.

Meg, Jess, and Charlie were on the other side, great they were teaming up now.  This meant you couldn’t use one of them as an excuse to the others.  Before you could even say anything Meg pushed the door open.

“Hi, we’re coming in.  Apparently you have been using the three  of us to tell the others you have plans with the other.  So if we are all together, you can’t avoid us.”

“I just wasn’t up for anything this week.”

“Well at least you got out of the here Thursday with Charlie,”  Jess remarked smiling at you. 

“No she didn’t,”  cut in Charlie.

Jess turned to look at you with raised brows and you looked at the floor.  “I may have gone and sat in my car so you would think I left.”

“Y/N!”

You just shrugged and walked back to the couch.  Jess and Charlie sat on either side of you while Meg stood in front of you.  “You need to get out of here and get your mind off of Dean.”  

“I do get out of here, I go to work.  I’ve even been to the grocery store and the gym.”

“Doesn’t count.  We are dragging you out of here tonight, nothing drastic, just dinner and friends.  Go change.”

“Do I have a say?”

“You can pick the restaurant.”

“Fine, give me a minute.”

As much as you didn’t want to admit it the girls were right.  You enjoyed the time out with them, and they successfully got your mind off of what’s his name.  Then Meg started talking about Jess’s birthday.  You completely forgot that it was coming up, and that she shared a birthday with Dean.

“We are having a get together at his house since it’s bigger.  Mary and John are coming up for the weekend, too.  We both have friends from work coming.  You three will all be there right?”

The other two readily agreed, you took a moment to think about it.  Besides Meg, Jess was your best friend, and at one point Dean was too.   It was actually his thirtieth birhday.  You really should go. “Yes, I will be there.  Is there anything you want me to bring?”

“I’d love anything you wanted to bring.”

“Okay, I’ll come up with something.”  

With the promise of attending the party the girls let up on you over the next week, letting you do your thing.  Going through your recipes you found the perfect dessert to take for Jess.  You knew the girl loved blueberries.  Deciding to play nice you even made something for the birthday boy.

Arriving at the party you knocked on the door and luckily Sam was the one who greeted you.  Giving you a genuine smile he hugged you before ushering you in.  Taking one of the desserts and gifts from you he led the way to the kitchen. Jess and Meg inside finishing up the food when you entered.  The Birthday girl rushing over to hug you.

“I’m so happy you came!”

“Happy Birthday Lady! I told you I would.”

“Yeah, but we weren’t so sure you would actually make it.”  Sticking your tongue out at her you went to set the deserts up. 

A few minutes later you heard Dean walk in followed by Mary.  She came over giving you a great  big hug.  

“So good to see you again, hunny.”

“It’s good to see you also Mary.  How have you been?”

“Good, good.  How about you?  Anything new, anything to share?”

“Not really, things are okay, just been working lately.”  She gave you a strange look before smiling at you.

Seeing Dean watching you from behind her you said hello.

“Y/N, hey.”  Walking closer, he looks at the table, “Did you bring pie?”

“Yeah, a cherry and a blueberry.”

“Oh awesome! Thank you.”

“No problem, Happy Birthday.”

Others started to arrive shortly and Jess and Dean both went into the living room to greet people.  As the party was underway you noticed a blonde attached to Dean’s side.  That must be the girlfriend, you thought.  Meg came up beside you, “I heard her name is Jo.  I guess he met her at the shop.”

“He’s mentioned her before.   He was with her the night of the Christmas party, but he told me they were just friends.  Guess that was a lie.” 

Doing your best to keep your distance you tried to enjoy your night.  Sam introduced you to Dean’s coworker Benny.  He seemed like a nice guy.  The two of you talked for a bit before he moved on.  Not realizing how close you were to Dean you hear Mary ask him who the girl was.  Turning you saw Jo walk back over then.

“I’m Jo, Dean’s girlfriend.” If you had been facing them you would have seen Dean’s eye go wide. 

Quickly walking off to find Jess you miss the rest of the conversation.  Finding your friend you wish her a happy birthday again, but claimed a bad headache and told her you will be heading out.  Grabbing your coat from the office you make a hasty exit before anyone can stop you. 

Dean’s Point of View 

I was surprised to see Y/N in the kitchen, but if I’m being honest it was really good to see her.  It hurt to know how she really felt about me.  Because of that, yes, I have been trying to distance myself, but I missed my friend.  I had not talked to her in two weeks.  Walking over to see what she brought I’m betting it something for Jess.  I wasn’t expecting to see the pies, oh my mouth started watering.  Missed that girl's baking so much, along with well pretty much everything else about her.  The doorbell started ringing so I headed out to answer it, not sure what else to say to Y/N.

Jo shows up shortly after the party starts.  She immediately attaches to my side.  I wish she would give me a little space. She has been like this since I asked her out.  I was supposed to have a boys night with Sam, Cas, and Benny last week.  We were at the sports bar downtown watching the game, had just ordered food.  Probably only been there twenty minutes. The next thing I know Jo is standing beside me.  When I asked her what she was doing here, she said she was just passing by and wanted to check in with me.  Honestly a simple text would have worked if that’s what she wanted, not that it was needed.  I thought she would leave after I introduced her to Sam and Cas, but she ended up sitting down on my lap and sticking around. Probably why they both left at half time.  Benny stayed a little longer, even he made a comment to Jo about finding her own seat.

 When I tried to make plans with Sam one night when she was closing the bar she insisted that I come in with her instead.  Apparently there is some creepy guy who comes around.  Hangs around outside some nights by her car.  Makes her really nervous.  I asked if she has called the cops, but she says he’s never around when they show up.  Every night she has worked I’ve ended up going in with her.  She told me how happy Bobby and Ellen were that I was around so nothing would happen.  I guess that’s what you do when you are dating someone right.  I don’t want her to think I’m useless.   

I watch Y/N as the night goes on, it seems like she is trying to avoid me.  I’m not really sure why she would be upset with me.  Every once in a while I will see her glancing over, but she quickly looks away.  I wonder what’s going on with her.  Heading into the kitchen for another drink, Jo follows close behind.  

“Here do you want a cookie?”  

She tries to hand me some store bought thing, “No, thank you. Y/N, made me pie. I’m going to wait till we cut into those before I have dessert.”

“You aren’t dating her, why would she be making you something?  I’m sure these cookies are better than some pie anyway.”

“She’s a good friend, she was being nice.  Actually nothing tops…. that cookie, I’m sure.”  If she wants me to eat that stupid cookie for some reason, I guess I will.  I assume I never mentioned my love of pie to her.

When I’m alone mom comes over and asks about who the girl with me is.  Before I can say anything Jo is right back here calling herself my girlfriend.  When I finally get over that shock I manage to respond.  “We have just gone out a few times.”  

“A few times?  Dean, honey we spend most nights together.”  I didn’t realize we were counting all the nights I had to sit at the bar to keep the guy away as dates.  

We have been together for two weeks, I didn’t realize it was going to be this much work.  Looking around I don’t see Y/N anywhere.  When Jess ushers everyone to the kitchen for cake, pie, ice cream and singing I still don’t see her.  I ask Meg as soon as I get the chance, I guess she told Jess she wasn’t feeling well and went home. 

I went to grab a slice of pie as mom was cutting everything and Jo pulled me away. “You don’t need that, I got us a piece of cake to share.”

“Cake, yea!” I’ll just grab some after she leaves.

Presents followed shortly.  Most of mine were over the hill, prank gifts.  

Jo gave me a ‘I have the best girlfriend’ shirt, and a picture of her, just awesome.  Do I really have to wear this?  The last  gift I opened was from Y/N.  I was again surprised after how I was avoiding her that she got me anything.  That’s just the kind of person she is, always thinking about others.  Opening it I found the blue ray box set of All Saint’s Day,  The DVD set I had was ruined by Lisa one night when she got mad at me.  I knew Y/N wasn’t a fan of the movies, but had offered to try and watch one of them with me when I came back from Kansas at Christmas.  We never got to do that. 

“My gift was your favorite right?”  Jo asks, wrapping herself around my arm.

“Ah, yeah, yeah it was.”  Giving her a smile I nodded my head not trusting to say anything else.  

As the party wound down and everyone except for my parents, Sam and Jess, had left I couldn’t be happier to have everyone out of the house.  Cas and Meg were some of the last to leave, usually they’d stick around but Cas said they needed to get going.  I think Meg is mad at me for some reason.  I don’t know if I’m frustrated or happy that Jo didn’t stick around to help clean up.  Deciding on happy for a bit of peace, I go to grab me some pie.  Looking at the table and in the refrigerator I can’t find it.  “Hey, where is the rest of the pie?”  

“Gone, it was very popular.  I have Y/N’s dishes in the dishwasher.  There is cake, the cookies your girlfriend bought and a little of the blueberry fluff Y/N made left.”  Mom answers, I swear her tone changed when she said girlfriend.  Nah, I must have been imagining it.

“Seriously, none left? I’ll take the blueberry, you can toss those cookies.” 

Sam and Jess left shortly after and dad went up to bed, leaving me in the living room with mom.  She sits across from me on the couch in silence.  Something's coming I can just tell, ten bucks says it has to do with Jo. 

“Well that was a surprise.”

“What’s that mom?”

“That girl being here, connected to your side.”

Ten bucks to me!  “I asked her out a couple weeks ago.  Her stepdad owns the shop I work at.”  

“When you told me you had a date last week, I was expecting Y/N.”

“Yeah that’s not going to be happening.”  She starts to say something else.  “Just drop it mom.  Please.  You were wrong about her.”   With that I went up to bed. 

Your apartment that night

You came home from Dean’s house grabbing the container of ice cream from the freezer and turning on the television.  You had no idea what you were even watching, you weren’t focused on that at all.  How could you be so stupid to fall for a guy that you were never going to be good enough for.  He only saw you as a friend, and that was just until he found a girlfriend. Now with the way he had been acting, you weren’t sure if he even needed you as a friend anymore. Putting the ice cream back in the freezer you were headed back to the couch when your eyes landed on Scooby.  The plush was sitting on the table next to the couch. He was a big reminder of what you couldn’t have.  Talking him into the office you set him in the closest with spare bedding. 

 “Sorry buddy I just can’t look at you right now.”   Leaving the room you went back and curled up on the couch with your blanket, ending up crying yourself to sleep there.   

A knock woke you the next morning, you were slightly disoriented from sleeping on the couch. Without thinking you headed for the door first, extremely surprised to see Mary Winchester on the other side.  

“Morning, oh honey are you alright?”

“Hi Mary, yeah I’m okay.  Are you here for me, or Sam and Jess?”

“I was bringing your dishes from yesterday back, and wanted to chat.  We didn’t get much of a chance yesterday.  Are you sure you’re alright?  You look upset.”

Oh yeah, how could you forget all the crying you did last night. No wonder she’s worried about you.  “Yeah, I’m sure.  Come on in.”  

Mary walked in ahead of you noticing the blankets on the couch like you had most likely slept there.  Pushing them to one side you gestured for her to sit down.  “Thank you for bringing those back, that was really nice of you.  I don't have any coffee, but can I get you juice, milk, or water?”

“No, I’m fine but thank you.”

“Okay, I’m going to go brush my teeth real quick I’ll be back.”  She chuckled as you rushed into your room.  Quickly brushing your teeth and splashing water on your face you grabbed a different sweatshirt to throw over your tshirt and headed back out to the living room. 

“Sorry to stop over unannounced, I didn’t mean to wake you up. John and I are leaving today and I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I was a little surprised to see but you’re fine, don’t worry about it.”

“I was surprised last night also, I had heard Dean was dating someone.  Honestly I thought it was going to be you.”      

Picking up a blanket to fold you used that as an excuse not to look at Mary.  “Dean doesn’t see me like that.  I was just a friend.  Trust me Dean deserves a much better girl than me.  I hope Jo can be that for him and make him happy.”

Mary wasn’t sure what to do with you, you were as negative about yourself as Dean.  But she was pleased to hear that you worried about Dean’s happiness. “Wait what do you mean was a friend?”

“Things have been strained between us since New Year’s Eve for some reason.  Then yesterday was the first I saw or talked to him since he started dating Jo.  I don’t think he wants me as a friend anymore.  Maybe that’s for the best right now.  It really hurts to see him with Jo, or anyone else,”  you finished your sentence in a whisper.

“Y/N, do you have feelings for Dean?” 

Out of blankets to fold you looked for something else, finding nothing you sat down on the couch.  “Yes, but I’m not going to do anything to mess up his relationship.  I know I’m the only one with them.”

Coming over and giving you a hug Mary whispers, “I’m not sure what’s going on with Dean right now.  I don’t ever want to hear you say you aren’t good enough again.  My son would be very lucky to have you.  Don’t write him off just yet.”

“Thank you Mary.”  A short while later she left having to get back to Dean’s.  You had a quiet rest of your Sunday at home, getting ready to start your work week.  The week seemed to drag on a bit.  You were really missing the random texts Dean used to send you.  They always made your day a bit brighter. 

Meg came over Friday with magazines notes, and a list of websites to go through.  Apparently as maid of honor your duty tonight was to try and help her find the best wedding favors.  Or at least narrow it down for her to show Cas.  Jess joined you a short time later.  You ordered a pizza and put in a movie while coming up with ideas for Meg.  You might not get married or find Mr. Right, but you could live vicariously through Meg and Jess these next few months.  

The wedding things put away you three were on the couch when Meg spoke up.  “Cas said he barely talks to Dean anymore.  Sees him even less.”

“Sam is so mad at him.  They have made plans to get together or hang out and Dean either has to cancel because Jo needs him, or she ends up tagging along.  When Dean asked him to come out tonight Sam told him he was too busy.  He didn’t want to have to put up with her.  I only met her at the party, but Sam’s not very fond of her.  Apparently she has some stalker-like guy who hangs around the bar, and she needs Dean to be there whenever she’s working so the guy won't try anything.”

“Why not call the cops or get a restraining order?  Cas is hoping it ends soon too.  He says Dean has been acting really weird since he started seeing Jo.”  Both turn to you for your opinion.

“Dean and I don’t talk anymore so I wouldn’t know.”  

“Wait,”  Jess sits up to look at you.  “I knew things were a little strained between you.  But you don’t even text anymore?  You guys were always going back and forth.”

“Other than briefly on your birthday, we haven’t talked since he started dating her.  It hasn’t been like it used to be between since New Year’s.”  Getting up to head into the kitchen you pause to get your emotions back in check.  It doesn’t matter one way or another to you if Dean keeps seeing her or not.  When you can believe that lie you will be all good. 

Thank you for reading!

Part 7

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.22}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.7k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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The two weeks that followed upon the dancing class were no different than Christmas time at Hogwarts always had been: it was snowy beyond reason, cold as hell, but the decorations that were put up actually brightened most people's mood and rendered everyone almost disgustingly cheerful. However, there were differences this year, and no matter how subtle they were, Robin still had no trouble pinpointing them with a striking accuracy.

One, both Cas and Jorien had chosen to stay at school over the holidays, mostly due to the fact that they were now in fourth year and thus officially allowed to attend the ball even without being someone's plus one. Besides that, they wanted to spend Robin's last ball at Hogwarts here with her, just once, all six of them together. Well, seven technically, but Robin still didn't know how she was supposed to get Snape into that equation.

Two, Robin spent significantly less time working for Sprout or Hagrid than she had during the last years (she did already work with them in the plenty during the school weeks at this point after all), and instead spent significantly more time with Snape, playing wizard's chess or reading during the days when the work was done, and drinking mulled wine, firewhisky or plain old coffee in his rooms at night.

And three, the two previous changes in addition to the revelations that had come up during lunch after the dancing class now made it near impossible for Robin to get the girls' words out of her head. Did Snape really look at her all that differently than at other people? Well, he certainly did, but that after all might merely be due to the fact that she was his best friend, just like he was hers. It didn't mean anything that his eyes followed her through the halls during meals, or that she slinked through the corridors on her way from his room to her own in an increasing frequency and like a bloody first year trying not to get caught after curfew. It didn't mean anything that he would sometimes just observe her with an expression that made her skin tingle while she rambled on about whatever had caught her attention now, and it most definitely didn't mean anything that he had gifted her that Japanese dictionary she had been trying to get her hands on for over a year now for Christmas. Without losing a word about it, of course, and in complete denial that it had anything to do with the holidays.

Put shortly, Robin couldn't help keeping her eyes open now that Jorien had so bluntly prompted her to. And every little thing she discovered made her want to sink back into deep denial indeed, and build a twenty feet brick wall around herself. Sometimes being the god of a universe of illusion is easier than being a peasant in the hell that is reality.

Honestly, she had never before actually considered that she might be scared to see the reality she found herself in, and found in herself. That she was scared to death not only of his true feelings, of being rejected, but also very much of her own emotions. It had been quite blissful to live in the easy fixed knowledge that she loved him, without actually paying attention to the reality of her feelings. And in reality, she felt something so intense and overwhelming that it terrified her to pieces. If only things were as easy as saying she loved him… Because if she was keeping her eyes open now, not only to her surroundings but also to herself, it was so much more than that. He was her best friend after all, her family and home, and after seven bloody years, there was no denying that he had also become a part of herself. Sure, she would be able to live without him, but what really mattered was that she would move heaven and hell to ensure she would never have to. Bloody hell, what a mess that would become once she left school in no more than half a year… And then, she could only hope that he would want to keep her in his life as well.

"Earth to Robin!" Jorien waved her hand in front of Robin's face, which was the first thing Robin noticed when she snapped out of her thoughts. "If you keep daydreaming like that, we'll be late to the ball!"

"We still have three hours until it's time to head up there." Robin huffed while rolling her eyes, but still shut the book in her lap she'd been failing to read for the last thirty minutes anyway. "I don't plan on sitting around in my dress until then."

"Are you sure that you want to wear the same one as last year?" Cas inquired in what sounded close to a whine. "I still stand by my offer to lend you one of mine!"

"Pff, yeah, Robin in a peach coloured glittery dress…" Jorien snorted, shaking her head at her friend. "You might be close to the same height, but your style is entirely different."

"I know that!"

"Obviously you don't. And Robin has a completely different body shape than you do, in addition to that."

"Hey, it's not my fault that I have muscles in my body!" Cas huffed with a glare at her friend. "Making the Quidditch team and staying on the team requires at least some level of physical fitness."

"Hey, I do have muscles!" Robin protested immediately, but she couldn't say that she felt offended by the girl's words. It was no secret that Cas definitely was the athletic type, whereas Robin's virtues were of a more academic nature.

"Yes, that, and I was actually referring to the fact that you are quite a bit more gifted in the upper regions than Robin." Jorien added with a pointed look at Cas, who crossed her arms over her chest with a blush and a pout.

"Guys, it doesn't matter, alright? I'm actually very much looking forward to wearing the same dress as last year." Robin tried to mend the field with diplomacy and an easy shrug. "The only reason I'm wearing a dress in the first place is so that I fit in a bit better."

"With Snape or with the crowd?" Cas returned with a smirk, all embarrassment forgotten. "Because while the former is quite the success with your dress, it logically eradicates the possibility for the latter to be too."

"That sounded way too Simon of you." Jorien snorted, then dodged the pillow that came flying her way. "What! It's not my fault that you guys are adopting each other's speech patterns more and more."

"So what's the plan for tonight?" Robin barged in before Cas could come up with a reply to get their bickering going again. There had been enough of that at breakfast. "Simon obviously is Cas' date, Gideon asked Lisa and Micheal's still trying to find someone. What about you, Jorien? Any prospects?"

"I asked Melissa." She shrugged casually in return, then started picking at her nails. "She'd rather go with a boy than with me. Better a date than a friend-date, and all that… Perhaps I should set her up with Michael, if both are so desperate to find someone to bring along. Quite pathetic, if you ask me. I'd rather go alone than be someone's last resort."

"Going alone is perfectly fine, I haven't ever had a date to the ball either." Robin shrugged with an encouraging smile. "You can be my date, if it means anything to you."

"You've been someone's unofficial date for all the past years, from what I was told, and I'm not getting in between that!" Jorien held up her hands in defense, and Robin rolled her eyes. "Upsetting Professor Snape wasn't on my agenda for tonight."

"Anyway…" Cas said after a few seconds of weird silence. "My plans for tonight include lots of dancing, hopefully some spiked drinks and of course some casual snogging."

"Cas!" Robin tried to sound scolding, but her laugh betrayed her exasperated tone. "That's nowhere near appropriate behaviour for a school dance!"

"Hey, I'm no saint and I never said I was!" The girl laughed in return, and the mischief that settled on her face should've been more disconcerting to Robin than it actually was. "Who knows, perhaps we'll visit the fifth floor hallway if things go well enough."

The mention of that make-out spot alone made Robin pull a face in distaste, and she couldn't help frowning deeply at her friend. "I would like to think that Simon has a bit more class than that."

"What, and I don't?"

"You just suggested going there, without a concern in the world. So please excuse me if I question your standards."

"She's got a point." Jorien added with a snicker and a shrug, and Robin gave her a high five with a smirk. Two against one; nobody was going to the fifth floor tonight.

"Fine…" Cas groaned and crossed her arms again. "But wherever else should we go, huh? Being classy while being a student isn't all that easy if you're not entirely immune to every boy's charme like Jorien or best friends with a bloody professor like Robin! How am I supposed to have fun, can you tell me that?"

"I'm not giving you pointers on how to snog your boyfriend, Cas. Or worse." Robin replied calmly, for she couldn't decide between being flustered and laughing at the girl's exasperation. "If you guys want to sneak around, you better do it without my knowledge. You know I can't lie, and chances are high that I would have to if I knew what you're up to."

"The alcoves are said to be a pretty good spot for making out." Jorien shrugged, completely ignoring Robin's previous statement. Great… now Robin would have to actively not listen to both of them. "And there's always our room, if you wanna go all out. With some sixth year charms work, it shouldn't be too difficult to find some privacy in the dorms… And I'd planned to sleep over at Melissa's tonight anyway. To hear all about her conquests."

"I did not just hear that, nope, absolutely didn't." Robin sighed to herself under her breath and turned on her heels, deciding that it was due time to take a shower. She'd gotten through puberty without too many losses, if she'd even had one in the first place, but she would be damned if she got dragged into her friends' shenanigans now as a late payback for that. So she grabbed her things and fled the room, after triple checking that everything she needed was safely tucked under her arm. She would not be smelling like pineapple tonight.

… … …

Luckily, when she returned to her room an hour later, the conversation had moved on and the girls were now discussing Cas' options for the dress she was to wear tonight. That was a topic Robin could very well live with, could very well ignore, and so she went back to reading like she'd originally tried to do before her thoughts had strayed. With a content sigh, she stretched out on the bed and focused on the article in front of her, until a light tap on her shoulder drew her eyes up and away from the page.

"It's just ten minutes until we're leaving, so you might want to get ready now at least." Jorien said to her with an amused smile, which only broadened when Robin's jaw dropped.

"But I literally just started reading! It can't be that late!"

"Yeah, well, that was two hours ago." The girl chuckled, then turned around to Cas for her to close the zipper of her dress. Both of them were already done with their preparations, in full makeup and beautiful hairdos, just a smile away from ready to go… and Robin was still in her pajamas.

With a groan under her breath, she flipped the book shut before tossing it onto her nightstand, then she scrambled to her feet to dig out her dress from the trunk at the end of her bed. Ten minutes; ridiculous, impossible… Well, not if she screwed decency for now. Without wasting any of the precious time on contemplation, she just went with it and shed her Queen shirt first, then her flannels without a second thought. Should they see her in her knickers, who cared at this point. They'd known each other for years now. Still, what she hadn't considered was the very reason why both girls gasped now and stared at her even as she stepped into the heavy black fabric of her dress and pulled it up her body with one swift move.

Robin sighed under her breath; she could very well imagine why the girls looked at her like that. It was one of the reasons why she never changed in front of anyone, and even less let them see her in any state of undress. "It's just a scar, guys. No need to be weird about it." She stated before either of them could say anything that would make the situation even more uncomfortable. "I told you that I was stabbed last summer, it's no big deal. Not a pretty sight, I know, but it is what it is."

"Didn't that hurt?!" Cas was the first to blurt out her thoughts. "I know that you told us about it happening, but… somehow I never really thought about the implications of that."

Robin snorted at the question, while she moved her hair out of the way to let Jorien close the many tiny buttons of her dress now. "Obviously it hurt. I almost died from blood loss, that's not going to happen from just a scratch. But it healed well for what it is. The scar really is a small price for my life."

"It's so weird to think that you've gone through something like that! I mean… you're just Robin, a bookworm too smart for her own good. To think that all those adventures you told us about actually happened is like imagining Professor Sprout in a wrestling tournament." Cas gestured wildly as she spoke, and Jorien just snorted at her friend's dramatics.

Robin shrugged all of it off with a smile that was as apologetic as it was evasive, then straightened her dress and put on the one pair of more or less dressy shoes she owned; they'd be covered by the dress for the most part anyway. Then she twisted her hair up with her wand like she usually did, and that was about it. Makeup still wasn't getting anywhere near her face, or any other body part for that matter.

"Wow… You look amazing! Powerful and dark and… pretty damn hot." Jorien commented when she got a glimpse at the front of the dress as well. "Like you're the essence of night itself."

"Right! That's exactly what I said last year!" Cas grinned and nodded in agreement, while Robin simply tried not to blush. Compliments about her wit and brains were fine… compliments about her looks however were just unusual and therefore weirdly uncomfortable.

"Thanks guys, but I'm really just trying to fit in." She shrugged, and both girls frowned at her in an instant.

"Fitting in is actually the last thing this dress does for you, I think." Jorien smirked as she slung her small bag around her shoulders, seconds before all three girls made for the door. It was time they got going, after all, and thus they mostly hurried through the common room and out into the hallways. "If anything, you'll draw attention. Make an impression on some people. Seize a few hearts, and steal a soul."

Robin just snorted while rolling her eyes at the comment, but Cas caught straight on to it.

"YES! Absolutely! Robin, you've got to take advantage of those killer looks… Try to seduce the subject of your affections!" Cas beamed, in a way that spoke volumes of her excitement about meddling in foreign affairs. "Use your womanly charm and go for it! Make him fall for you!"

"I love you, Cas, but do shut up."

"She's right though!" Jorien obviously had to side with her friend, and Robin groaned under her breath upon having both girls plotting against her now. "If he doesn't find you delectable now, he's truly as undeserving of you as every other male in this castle."

"And who would you be talking about?" Snape's deep voice made all three girls jump all of a sudden, and they each spun around to stare at the dark figure in the middle of the hallway behind them. They hadn't even made it out of the dungeons yet; they should've known better than to talk this loudly.

"Professor!" Cas shrieked, eyes wide and cheeks flushed as if she'd been caught doing something terribly wrong. Robin sighed under her breath and resisted the temptation to roll her eyes; so much for getting the two sides in her life a little closer together tonight.

"Nobody!" Jorien was quick to reply, and even quicker to regain control of the situation. "We were just on our way to the ball, actually."

"Obviously." Snape and Robin replied at once, and Cas snorted in return. Oh, this was going great alright… more fuel to their flames.

"Yes, it is fairly obvious, isn't it? So we should return to doing just that, or we'll be late." Jorien flashed a quick smile, then turned on her heels and grabbed Cas by the arm to drag her along while looking back over her shoulder at Robin. "You go ahead, and we'll find the guys and meet you in the hall later, yes?" With that, the two girls disappeared down the hallway and around the next corner mere seconds later, leaving Robin frozen to her spot with a frown on her face.

"Is it me or are they being even weirder than usual?" Came Snape's dry remark from just behind her then, and Robin's eyes flew to meet his while an involuntary smile pulled at her lips.

"Oh, they're absolutely bonkers. Delusional, really, if they seriously believe that I am looking delectable to anyone tonight." She chuckled, in the honest hope that he hadn't heard more of the girls' pep talk than that. But then again, he knew how to take their ridiculous ideas and teenage delusions by now, so it really didn't matter all that much. "It would take a blind man to find that mess on my head attractive."

"If you say so." He quirked an eyebrow at her in amusement, then offered her his arm instead of the usual subtle hand on the small of her back. "Let's make an effort to make it to the ball before we miss the headmaster's great speech, shall we?"

Robin's smile brightened before she could help it, and she didn't even hesitate to accept. This was the closest thing to a date she would ever have. "We shall indeed."

They arrived in the great hall just seconds before Dumbledore rose to gain everyone's attention, and luckily therefore nobody paid them much mind. A few glances here and there, more likely than not accompanied by frowning faces that studied the sight of the two dark figures in the shadows by the doors, who looked almost indignantly bored. And boy, the headmaster could talk and talk forever if he fancied it, about courage and justice and kindness and all those nimble ideals Robin fancied a more practical approach to. But finally his words faded into applause, and the crowds began moving and talking again.

"Is it me or does the speech get more righteous every single year?" Asked Robin, while she let Snape lead her towards their usual table in the far corner, only to find a group of adults sitting there already. In immediate confusion, they halted in the middle of the room, and her eyes found his in a silent question. Good thing it had become almost a bit of a routine that whenever she failed to take notice of something that was going on around her, he would know exactly what she had missed and could fill her in.

"Dumbledore opened the ball to a larger public this year." He explained, with a quiet yet undoubtedly disdainful tone. "Parents, important families, retired professors, ministry officials and the like."

"Why on earth would he allow them at a school ball? I mean… isn't this technically supposed to be for the students' enjoyment?" Robin inquired, while they continued moving through the room in search of an empty table, but finding none.

"Remember what I told you about the reasons for bringing this ball into existence in the first place?" Snape mused, and his eyes continued scanning the room, but not for a table anymore. Robin wondered who he was searching for.

"Oh. Yes, I do remember that."

"Well, let me assure you that this decision on the headmaster's end has something to do with the very likes of it."

"Great…" Robin sighed under her breath, and finally they settled for just standing at the edge of the dancefloor like everyone else who hadn't yet put a claim on a sitting spot. Somehow, the entire thing didn't seem like a fun night with friends anymore, but the very thing that was prone to make her anxious. Too many people, too many strangers mostly, and no certain place to sit and endure it all from the ranks… this was going to be hell. Or maybe, not entirely.

"May I have the first dance?" Snape asked, just when the occasion was announced and the musicians got ready to lead the way through the night. He held a hand out to Robin, in an expression of calm neutrality rather than the usual scowl even though they were surrounded by hundreds of people. Robin's heart skipped a beat, and she had to remind herself not to grin like a fool while yet her lips parted in surprise. Had he actually just asked her to dance? With words, in public, and for the first dance out of all the possible ones tonight?

"Isn't the first dance just for important people and their dates?" She quirked an eyebrow at him in mild amusement at last, choosing humour over astonishment and tingles, which would border dangerously on allowing herself to hope again.

"It is also reserved for the professors and overall staff, and even if you rightly so keep ignoring that, this group also entails me. As it is, I do not dance with anyone but you, so they will have to bear with the two of us, or live with neither." He replied so smoothly that Robin had no time to doubt or question his words when she placed her hand in his and let him lead her onto the dancefloor. Bloody hell… now all eyes were on her indeed, and she actually couldn't care less for once.

They got into position as did the other couples around them, some of which Robin knew and some of which she hadn't seen before, but when the music started, the world faded in return and left only Robin and Snape and the music behind. This wasn't hell, she found, but rather a piece of heaven on earth. Just the two of them, moving through the open space while never once looking at anything but each other. And in the very spirit of two weeks prior, Robin yet again couldn't help the smile on her lips as she held his gaze. The only thing she missed was the warmth of his hand on her back, the almost scorching touch, as now the thick fabric of her dress dimmed it down quite a bit and left her to feel the comforting pressure of it more than the heat. How nice would it be to have his fingers dancing across her skin? To dwell in his warmth for a bit and let it burn out the cold winter within her? She could only dream.

"I believe we make quite the sight." His quiet voice broke through her haze of excited, calm ambivalence, and the world regained it's hard corners and outlines. Gone was the dream, delayed to haunt her in her sleep tonight.

"We simply know how to dance." She replied with a subtle smirk, and found that the world wasn't quite so bad either if it still entailed the two of them together. "They probably don't get to see that all too often."

"I was thinking more along the terms of our common choice of… unusual wardrobe, but yes, I agree with your assessment as well."

"What other than unusual would they have expected of the dungeon bat and the insane girl?"

"Is that how people think of us?"

"I believe so." Robin smiled, but it took everything she had not to show the true effect his words were having on her. Was she so far gone by now that all it took was an 'us' ghosting past his lips to unravel the walls that contained her emotions? It seemed so.

The music stopped then, fading off the last strings as their flowing moments came to a halt as well. Too bad it was over. But perhaps they could do this again, now that the first dance had officially proclaimed them as partners for the night. It was an official custom after all, right? Robin held onto that string of hope at least as they made their way off the dancefloor and straight towards the far corner where their usual table lay empty now. Too bad for whoever had vacated it; now it was Robin's to keep.

They sat down to face the hall as always, and while it was significantly more crowded this year than it had been in the years prior, that also gave them quite a few more victims to observe and comment on. They got exactly two hours to themselves before their social invisibility was broken by the still distant but determined appearance of Cas. In her tow the other six people, who looked a lot less eager than her to get anywhere near Snape tonight. Robin sighed to herself in mild disappointment before anyone even spoke up; she would have to make a choice between her friends and her best friend now, and she hated that beyond measure. Why did life have to be so unfair at times?

"I know what you're thinking." Snape said then, quietly even though the ground of people still had to come anywhere near the table. "And you shouldn't be concerned, I understand the problem fairly well. I will leave if they wish to spend time with you."

He was already up on his feet and ready to just walk away when Robin caught his hand, and held onto it so tightly that his eyebrows lifted up when he looked back down at her.

"Don't think it's a decision I want to make, okay?" She asked with a sadness she didn't bother to hide. "It's not a decision I can make, actually, and I simply would've told them to deal with it or be the ones to leave if they've got a problem with your company."

"I know. And since it isn't a decision you should have to make, I made it for you now, by offering to leave."

"I don't want to spend the evening without you…" The words spilled past Robin's lips without any restraint now, and she was glad for that. It made the corners of his lips curl upwards for a fleeting moment at least.

"In that case, I might have to come and rescue you from their fangs in two hours for another dance. Good solution?"

"Make that one hour instead and we have a good solution indeed." She smiled up at him, and only now realised that she was still clasping his hand like a lifeline. Reluctantly but necessarily she finally let go. "I can't have four teen girls and three boys around me for much longer than that."

"As you wish." He returned a knowing not-smirk for a second, then turned on his heels and disappeared in the crowds just when Cas reached the table.

______________________________

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[estrel]

Catalysts & Changes: a 15x16 Meta

I wanted to talk really quickly about Dean’s change this season, especially regarding 15x16.

My main focus of this meta is to talk about Mary’s impact on Dean being the catalyst for this change we’ve been seeing, but I’m also going to be mentioning some Cas/destiel things to tie into this. So, here we go:

I. Mary as Catalyst & Myth

Mary is Dean’s reason. By that I mean that literally the whole reason Dean hunts--or, rather, continues to hunt, since John honestly forced it on him--was all in the hopes of catching what killed Mary. That was the main purpose of season 1, other than finding John. This is Dean’s motivation, his basis as a character. 

Dean has also mentioned on multiple occasions that Mary was why he was brave, why he kept fighting, and that he often thought about her. 

Dean: I was scared, too. I didn’t feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom...I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day (1.03 Dead in the Water)

Remember this quote, because I think it’s eerily similar to the one in 15.16 that I’ll talk about later in this post.

This makes sense--she’s his mom, he should be affected in some way about her death. But Dean takes it to the extreme, based his life around it, held on to it for far too long. Sam was different, because he never actually knew Mary, and we know from earlier seasons that their feelings about her are pretty different. 

Meanwhile, almost any time Dean has dreamt of something ideal, Mary was there (think of his djinn dream in 2.20 where Mary never died, and in heaven in 5.16). We can especially see that this is true because of what Amara said in Gimme Shelter:

Dean: What was the point?

Amara: I wanted two things for you, Dean. I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person. That the myth you’d held onto for so long of a better life, a life where she’d lived, was just that: a myth. I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary, was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life. (15.15 Gimme Shelter)

Here, Amara was anticipating a turning point. She had wanted Dean to be “released” by having Mary back, but obviously this didn’t happen. Instead, Mary’s death was once again the catalyst for Dean’s change, just like it was the first time when Azazel killed her. We can also see from this that Dean has always been stuck in the past, hence Amara telling him that he should be focusing on now, instead. Another thing to note for future reference is the “real” line. Remember Cas saying “we are” when Dean asks him what is real.

Mary was also not exactly what Sam or Dean--hell, not even the viewers--had been expecting when she returned. She was scared, alone, and had trouble dealing with being back in a new century with her little boys all grown up and even worse-- hunting. But Dean eventually accepted this. He accepted the real version of Mary, but continued to idolize her and bring up the past.

II. Mary’s Death

Now let’s take a look at what’s happened since Mary’s second death:

Denial. Dean hopes Mary isn’t actually dead, even though all signs point to this.

Grief. Dean cries alone at the site of her death.

Blame. Dean blames Jack and Cas for what happened. 

During and after the funeral, Dean avoids talking about it with anyone. However, he is obviously affected by her death. Sam even holds Cas back from going to Dean while burning the pyre. Bobby makes a comment about Dean being a lot like him and not wanting to show his feelings to others.

These all sound like the Dean that’s been built up since season 1. Not dealing with his feelings properly at all, pushing people away, denial. The one thing that makes this time different from other deaths, though, is that--just like the first time Mary died--there's no body to bring back. It's implied in 14.19 that if there had been, Dean would have tried, because he even tells Sam:

Note: This is also an episode where we see Jack being a mirror for Dean by doing exactly that--doing everything in his power to try to bring Mary back by himself. It doesn’t work; Mary’s gone for good. And she’s happy--she’s in heaven! 

In addition to there not being a body, Dean also knows who did it. It's not some unidentifiable yellow-eyed demon that he can spend years tracking down, it's Jack. It's his son, it's someone he can't and won't kill, because he's family, even if he’s guilty. So Dean has no outlet for his rage except to put blame on not only Jack, but Cas (specifically in 15.03 The Rupture, Jack is dead at this point and he pushes Cas away for several episodes). And here is where Dean begins to change.

III. The Shift: Anger, Apologies, and Forgiveness

Because then, in 15.09 The Trap, there is a big, significant shift. Dean forgives Cas:

Dean: You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. 

He cries, looks around, and gets on his knees.

Dean: I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know-I just know that it’s just always been there. And when things go bad, it just-it comes out. And I can’t- I can’t stop it. No matter how--how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. And I forgive you, of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long to...I’m sorry it took me ‘til now to say it.  (15.09 The Trap)

This is an incredibly important scene because it shows that Dean knows about his anger--the anger that Amara talks about in 15x15, and he wants to stop it. 

Amara: I thought having [Mary] back would release you...put that fire out. Your anger. But I guess we both know I failed at that.

Dean: You’re damn right.  (15.15 Gimme Shelter)

After this, Dean clarifies that he’s not only angry, but furious. This is change, this is change caused directly by Mary’s death--by Amara bringing her back again. Dean might say he is furious, but he has also said before that he wants to stop his anger. And, in many ways, he’s been taking steps towards doing that: 

For example, here in 15.09 when Dean forgives Cas, (gif credit)

and here in 15.14 when he tells Jack he’s trying to forgive him for killing Mary, (gif credit)

and again in 15.16 for not telling Sam and Caitlin about the dead bodies when they were younger (gif credit)

and most recently, at the end of 15.16, when he didn’t tell Sam about Jack dying. (gif credit)

So now we’ve taken the turn towards forgiveness. Dean has been handing out apologies and forgiveness like never before this season, which is a definite change to how it used to be with him. He’s opening up, and he is trying to do better and be better than before. Billie also tells him this at the diner:

(gif credit)

I’m inclined here to believe that Dean is on that road to forgiveness with Jack. I mean, he said it himself in 15.14 that he’s trying, and Cas also vouched for him when Jack asked if forgiveness from Dean was a possibility. So in 15.16, when Dean says they have “no choice” but to let Jack die, it’s not because it doesn’t haunt him. It clearly does, with the entire episode dealing with Dean coping with the deaths of children, even his brother. He doesn’t want Jack to die, but his anger, his fury towards Chuck is taking precedence over that. It’s something he wants to change, but feels like he has no choice in the matter.

To add on to this, Jack has been a clear mirror for Dean this entire season. Dean’s argument with Sam about them having no choice is an indication of this. Just an episode prior in 15.15, Jack told Cas that the choice wasn’t his whether or not Jack died. So the pair ups in 15.17 aren’t all that surprising. With the episode being titled “Unity,” I think that the four of them will reach an agreement by the end of the episode (I keep mentioning agreements in all of my metas, because I think Chuck/Amara and Sam/Eileen’s agreement had important implications, but alas...), and be unified in a new plan to defeat Chuck. 

As for Dean? I don’t think his ending is going to be expected. He is changing--he won’t be making the same decisions he used to make in earlier seasons. 

I also find it fascinating that they made 15.16 a flashback episode to their past as children. Not only did 15.16 show us Dean being annoyed by sex, ignoring a possible love interest (which we were right as an audience to assume it would be written that way, because it has been so many times before), and how he’s dealing with the prospect of Jack’s death (with all of the imagery of dead children), but it really brought to light how much Dean has changed. 

The most obvious way they showed us this was through this scene with Caitlin (who looks eerily like a young Mary...interesting), who says this:

(gif credit)

Dean: Always am.

Caitlin: You have changed. The old you never would have admitted that.

Dean: Well, I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Caitlin: I think so. What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because lies...they don’t make anything better. (15.16 Drag Me Away (From You)) 

Now, ignoring the fact that Dean has admitted this (in 1.03), we know that the only time he has admitted to being scared before was in relation to Mary. But I think what the writers were going for here was not only to highlight Dean’s recent character growth by admitting to Caitlin that he’s changed, but also the running theme of lying this season. I’ve said it before that Sam has been the only one telling the truth in s15, and I think it’ll eventually come into play during the final episodes. The truth/lies aspect will become a central plot point--I mean, it already is. But I think it’ll factor into how the show will end as a whole, especially with this episode and previous ones alluding to normalcy and the possibility of it for Sam. 

I’m going to finish this here, because I’ve dragged on too long, but some other (destiel) things to note are:

Dean falling to his knees in the hallway as a parallel to falling on his knees in Purgatory, praying to Cas, apologizing.

Dean cutting off Baba Yaga’s fingers, whereas Cas restored a woman’s fingers in 15x15. The pastor telling Cas that people are god’s hands; they lift each other up with each finger. The implications of Dean cutting people off, and Cas bringing people together.

another amazing meta regarding 15.16 and another about dean changing + 15.16

[spaceskam]

ao3

Alex Manes stormed into the Wild Pony with an uncharacteristic fury in his eyes.

Michael immediately assumed it was for him, so he stood up and took a step in front of the table to take the brunt, but Alex pushed past him. Michael grabbed his arm and tried to figure out what was going on, but Alex yanked his arm out of his grasp.

"Whoa, what's going on?" Michael asked. Alex looked at him and Michael noticed the anger was laced with fear.

"What's going on? What's going on?" Alex repeated, scoffing, "What's going on is your brother, who I went out of my goddamn way to help more than once, is the reason I have to have a formal meeting with all of my fucking superiors and, if that doesn't go well, he's the reason I'll be court martialed."

"What?" Michael breathed, panic slowly stirring in him.

"What do mean, what the hell did I do?" Max asked. Alex seemed to remember that he was there and turned to face where he sat in the booth, visibly fuming. Michael didn't know whether to try to calm him down or if he should let him yell at Max.

"I gave them that space to use as a lab to save your ass. I was giving them somewhere safe to experiment and figure shit out because they needed it to save you. And you just, what, decided to blow it up for fun? What the hell am I supposed to tell my superiors? What am I supposed to say when they investigate and I have no idea what they'll find? They'll look into me, who I'm affiliated with, and they'll find a whole bunch of shit I covered up to help you," Alex scoffed, shaking his head. Max was just staring with wide eyes. "What, you don't have anything to say? You aren't even going to try to explain why the fuck you did that?"

"I..." Max breathed, "I just... I needed to destroy Liz's work. She was going to expose us."

Alex laughed humorlessly, the whole sound wet with tears. Michael felt his heart pounding in his ears as he became flooded with more than one genuine concern for Alex, for his siblings, all because Max had less self control than everyone he knew.

"Right, okay, so you blew up government property that I was in control of? Do you understand what you've done?" Alex asked, shaking his head, "They're going to find something, they always do. We're all going down."

"I didn't realize it was government property, no one told me, I mean, I didn't think–"

"Yeah, you're right, you didn't think," Alex scoffed, "Because fucking exploding a building shouldn't be on the list of options at all ever. I don't give a shit what's going on. Your move was idiotic and we're all going to suffer."

Alex turned to leave and Michael followed. Typically, in times like these, he turned to anger and booze to distract himself, but he'd been trying to do better. That meant going to Alex for comfort. But, unfortunately, Alex couldn't be that for him right now, so he'd have to find something that helped them both.

"Alex," Michael called, jogging to keep up with him as he stalked towards his truck.

"I can't right now, Guerin, I really can't," Alex said. Michael didn't stop.

"Just tell me what I can do and I'll do it. Do I need to get Isobel to mindwarp someone? Do you wanna go on the run? Tell me what you need and I'll make it happen," he said.

Alex stopped with his hand on the handle of his truck's door, taking a deep, shaky breath. Michael waited for him to say something, but a few minutes went by before he realized Alex was crying. He hesitated, unsure if he should touch him. But then he remembered all the times that Alex needed him to just stop arguing and to just hold him for a minute.

So he wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"Guerin," Alex said weakly, his voice a whine as he tried to hide his tears by looking away. Michael bowed his head into his neck and just hugged him, unable to relax until Alex's arms layered over his. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Max is the one who blew up a building," Michael said, "Which I didn't know he did. I swear I didn't."

"No, I'm sorry I can't protect you anymore," Alex admitted softly, shuttering a breath as he held back a sob. Michael gave him a small squeeze.

"Hey, stop that. None of this is your fault. Besides, this whole protecting thing isn't one-sided and this isn't over. Just tell me what needs to happen."

"I don't know," Alex admitted, clearly frustrated, "I don't know. I don't know how to get out of this one, Michael. They're probably exploring the site right now and finding what they ca–oh, God, your DNA is all over that place. Fuck."

"Hey, hey," Michael said, pushing away his own fear as he focused on Alex's. He'd always failed at that before. Not this time. He reached up and brushed the tears off his cheeks. "Look, it's not over. Let's head out to the cabin and come up with a plan. It's gonna be okay. I'm not giving up."

"I'm going to be court-martialed, but none of it's gonna be public knowledge once they figure out what I've been covering up," Alex said, panic in his voice, "I'm either... I'm gonna go missing. I know too much, Michael, I know too much."

"Hey," Michael said, grabbing his chin and making his look at him in hopes it would steady his breathing, "You're not going anywhere and neither am I. We're going to fix this."

"How can you be so sure?" Alex asked. Michael searched his face for a viable answer. A few came to mind, stubbornness and denial being major ones, but there was one bigger than all of that.

"Because our time isn't up, Alex. I still got a lifetime with you in my future and I'll be damned if that's taken from us," Michael said. Alex sniffled, his eyebrows furrowing. "So we're going to figure a way out of this, okay? We always do. It's gonna be okay. You trust me?"

"Yes," Alex said without hesitation, "Yes, I trust you."

"Then let's get to work."

Michael got into the driver's seat of Alex's truck and began the long drive out to the cabin, praying to anyone who might be listening that he wouldn't let Alex down.

Not this time.

[raspberry-starship]

Start reading the series here.

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Read by scrolling up the tag here.

Sam stood in the doorway to bunk 15 with Cas, Sadie peering over the angel’s shoulder to look in, too. Gabriel was huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth slightly with his arms around his knees. He was still covered in blood and wearing his filthy clothes and he wasn’t speaking. All over the walls, Gabriel had written his story in Enochian, which Cas had translated for Sam and Sadie—it involved the faking of his death, finding his independence finally, moving to Monte Carlo, and spending a lot of time with porn stars. Sadie was unsure how she felt about this archangel.

Gabriel didn’t look any of them in the eyes. Cas tried to jog Gabriel’s mind into working correctly and Sam tried to give him back some of the grace Asmodeus had taken out of him, but both endeavors were met with fervent denial. Suffice to say, after his spat with Dean and now this, Sam was feeling rather frustrated.

Meanwhile, Dean was walking funny. An hour or so earlier, he’d been shot by some stranger in the woods who’d been trying to take him to the angels to be a slave. Ketch had helped save him and then they’d gotten directions to where Dean assumed Jo would be. They were on their way there now—someplace the man had called “the Silo”. Dean was of the idea that the people who were being taken as prisoners might have some knowledge about where to look for his mom and Jack. He also wanted to right something that had haunted him for a long time—or at least come as close to doing so as he could.

Ketch had lifted all the weaponry off of the coyote, including a belt of angel-killing bullets—both the caliber for Dean’s handgun and Ketch’s semi-automatic.

“Are you sure this is the best plan?” Ketch asked again, following Dean as they walked parallel to the road they’d been pointed to.

“We need information, right?” Dean winced, his wound aching, “So, I figure—”

Unable to finish his sentence, he collapsed against a nearby tree. Ketch’s eyes widened and he rushed over to help.

“Dean?” He asked, forcing Dean upright against the tree. Out of curiosity he touched Dean’s forehead and grimaced. “Oh, god, you’re burning up. Let’s take a look at that wound.

“No, no, I’m fine.” Dean tried to subdue a cough, “We gotta keep moving—”

“—Do shut up, huh?” Ketch replied, moving the collar of Dean’s shirt to see the bullet wound.

It was black and purple, with dark veins of poison seeping out under the skin around it. Almost immediately, Ketch knew what he had to do. He set his pack down and began rifling through it before pulling out a small case of ingredients. He began murmuring as he prepared his concoction.

“Taro root… trace of arsenic… Basidiomycota… and—”

“—Why don’t you just skip the birdseed, give me the flask?” Dean grumbled, head lolling to the side as his neck was too weak to hold it up.

“Your shortness of breath and delirium are symptoms of a poison the Men of Letters use to disable monsters in the field.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Of course it is.”

“My guess is that the bounty hunter used a similar toxin to coat his bullets to hobble his prey,” Ketch took a breath, “at first.”

Dean looked up in concern, still a bit out of it. “What d’you mean, ‘at first’.”

“Well, if the antidote isn’t administered, then the victim dies a particularly gruesome death.”

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes, “Guh, you guys are such dicks.”

“Yes, well…” Ketch swallowed, “guilty.”

Dean’s eyes fell closed, but he was still awake as Ketch used two rocks to crush up his antidote into a paste.

“Now then,” Ketch gathered some of the goop onto his fingers and addressed Dean, “this will smart.”

Without any more warning, he began applying the mixture to Dean’s bullet wound. Dean took a sharp breath in, grimacing as he tried to keep everything locked down.

Back in the Bunker, Sam was sitting in bunk 15’s desk chair, staring at Gabriel. He’d been talking to the archangel for twenty minutes now with no response, and he was already feeling short-tempered so this turned out to be his last straw. He didn’t know how many more times he could say that Gabriel was safe here—he’d tried so many different ways that now all he had left was:

“Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole.”

He was met with silence. At this point, Sam wondered why he kept being so surprised by it.

“Look, I know you think it’s safer inside—no more torture, no more pain, no more expectations. I’ve been there.” Sam continued, “You were nothing like your family—you sure as hell weren’t like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I—I thought I got out. But then… then my family needed me.”

Gabriel didn’t answer, but his expression shifted just slightly. He could hear in the library someone singing softly to themself.

“…Drying up in conversation, You will be the one who cannot talk. All your insides fall to pieces, You just sit there wishing you could still make love.”

“And this is my life.” Sam said, not noticing any change in Gabriel, “No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure, yeah, sex workers in Monte Carlo sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you. So, please, help us.”

“…They’re the ones who’ll hate you, When you think you’ve got the world all sussed out. They’re the ones who’ll spit at you, You will be the one screaming out…”

Gabriel was frozen for a moment, thinking about both what Sam had said and the soft singing he could hear. He hadn’t heard someone sing in years. Something about hearing her made him realize that he was actually free. He was trapped in this room but it was his choice—there was a whole world outside of him now that was all at his fingertips.

Sam let out a sigh of exasperation and got up, moving towards the door. Just as his hand was about to touch the knob, a scratchy voice spoke behind him.

“Porn stars.” It said. “They were porn stars, Sam.”

Sam’s brow furrowed in surprise and he looked over his shoulder. Gabriel offered him a cautious smirk.

“Your friend has a lovely voice.” He added softly.

“My—…?” Sam cut himself off when he realized what Gabriel must be talking about. “You… you can hear her from in here?”

“He might’ve stolen my grace but he didn’t take my damn eardrums.” Gabriel replied, voice still hoarse. He took a breath then nodded, “Alright. I’m ready now.”

* * *

Night had fallen some time ago. Dean was doing better but his wound was still aching. After an hour of walking without stopping, he could no longer stave off the collapse. He fell against a nearby tree, wincing and covering his wound. Ketch, who’d been in the lead, paused and turned back to him.

“This is absurd.” Ketch said, “You must rest.”

“Okay, look, I—I’ll give you that… anti-poison merit badge award, okay? I do appreciate it, but… we’re running out of time.” Dean nodded and forced himself away from the tree. He gave a nod and then began walking past Ketch, “How about you rest—?”

He didn’t finish that before tripping on his own feet and falling to the ground, his bag under his head.

“I’m gonna keep going.” He invited from the ground, “…In five minutes.”

“Good plan.” Ketch sighed, taking a seat across from him. “Perhaps we can use this moment to revisit this plan.”

“Not gonna happen.” Dean grumbled, forcing himself upright and leaning against a nearby tree.

“To your point, we are running out of time.” Ketch insisted, “We don’t know where your mother and Jack are. We don’t even know if we’ll find this Jo. And if we do, a rescue may be impossible and stupid. I propose we return home, regroup, reinforce ourselves, and we may have a shot at saving everyone.”

“Alright, look,” Dean shifted, wincing a little, “I know Jo, okay? She’s up to her elbows in this fight, I’m sure of it. She wasn’t bein’ captured to be a slave like that guy tried to do to me, she was bein’ led somewhere with a bag on her head, I’m guessing that means she’s someone important, here, and I know she’s not gonna give the angels what they want.”

“Your Jo wouldn’t.”

“They’re gonna kill her.” Dean said, “One-hundred percent, and I’m not…”

Ketch waited a moment then cocked his head. “What? What’s the story you’re not telling me?”

Dean sighed and glanced away, taking a moment before replying.

“Jo was family. She and her mom, they…” He swallowed, “…I got her into a situation where she got hurt. Then… then she and her mom sacrificed themselves to save us. They… they got blown up and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about any of it.”

Ketch thought for a moment. “You feel you failed her.”

“I know I did.” Dean shook his head woefully.

Ketch nodded slowly, “That, I understand.”

Dean frowned and lifted his gaze from the ground. “Uh, hello? What about your story ‘re you not telling me?”

“Oh, I’ve had many failures.” Ketch spoke almost equivocally, but it was clearly a defense mechanism. “Friends and colleagues who have died on my watch. ‘Only difference is, I didn’t... try to save them. ‘Duty’ and all that… rubbish.”

Dean sighed, “Well, you do suck.”

Ketch smirked a little at that. “What the hell. Perhaps rescuing this Jo will wash some of the stains off my hands.”

“‘Impossible and stupid’, huh?” Dean had a hint of a smile in his eye.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Ketch countered, rising to his feet and offering Dean a hand. “Come on.”

Dean looked from the hand to Ketch’s face and then set his expression. With a firm grip, he allowed Ketch to help him up onto his feet.

As he was dusting himself off, Ketch’s eye caught on something. He pointed to a round cabochon of green stone set in a gold circle.

“Is that yours?”

Dean blinked and turned, with a small sigh of exasperation, he stooped down and snatched it up, tucking it away into his pocket with a sour look on his face.

“What is it?” Ketch asked.

“None of your business, that’s what.”

As Dean began walking away again, Ketch spoke. “Is it a reminder of someone else you feel you failed?”

Dean paused, glancing up at Ketch. He swallowed thickly and faced away again. “Yeah. That one I know I failed, too.”

In the Bunker, Cas was giving the last of Gabriel’s grace back to the archangel. Sam stood in the doorway, arms crossed and shoulder leaning against the doorframe. He heard footsteps approaching from down the hall, and turned to see Sadie approaching. She was wearing a long-sleeved purple shirt over her jeans, her hair up in a messy bun. He thought idly then that he liked looking at her.

She sighed as she came to a halt beside him, arms crossing over her chest as well. “How’s it going in here?”

Sam sighed, too. “Well, we gave him some of his grace already, but we’re not sure it’s doing anything.”

“Has he said if he feels different?” She asked.

“He says he’s not sure.” Sam said, shifting his weight a little.

There was a pause in which they just stood there, observing Cas and Gabriel talking softly to one another. Slowly, Sam’s eyes flickered over to peer at her through their corners. She stared straight ahead, gaze a bit distant as she pondered something.

“How are you, Sadie?” He asked, his voice at a murmur.

She blinked and looked up at him. “I’m fine, Spaceman. How are you?”

He shrugged a shoulder, “Fine, I guess.”

“You guess?” She prompted.

“Yeah.” He glanced down at her, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

It was her turn to shrug now. He was about to prompt her further when his phone began buzzing in his pocket. He fumbled for a moment, then pulled it out. It was an unknown number. He looked up from the screen to Sadie, who’d been looking at it quizzically, too. She met his gaze and then watched as he picked up.

“Uh, hello?”

“Samuel!” A jolly-sounding southern man spoke through the speaker.

In the room, Gabriel stiffened, scooting back on the bed instinctively.

“I believe you have somethin’ of mine in your possession.”