#i'd be a pretty sucky person

[seat-safety-switch]

If there is a truly painful part of our current existence, it is the decline of our most trusted brands. Venture capital scum are buying up the companies that made all of your dad's favourite junk, slapping the name on some absolute shit to make a quick buck, and then escaping with the profits to the cosmos.

Many of us grew up staring at the tools that our parents used. That kind of youth exposure – being forced through continuous exposure – trained us to know that these are the Good Tools. They will not let us down, not like the common garden-variety horseshit that clogs the shelves, in their ugly generic boxes. So it's extra harmful when their modern incarnations don't stand up to this childhood idyll.

Those of you who are regular readers of Adbusters will criticize us for ever trusting a brand name. And it's easy to see why, once you've been condescended at for long enough to understand what marketing has done to the human soul. These names mean nothing, and are easily manipulated by evil moneymen to induce an emotional attachment in the population rather than cold, hard, logical thinking.

The rest of us, who are apparently not visiting this cursed Earth from the halcyon era of late 2005, will waste at least two hundred dollars over the course of our lives. We do so by buying one of four identical piece-of-shit toy vacuums cynically wearing the Shop-Vac® name – at least twice – in case the first one was just a fluke. And it's not just sucky tubes that suck now: every brand with significant goodwill from the days of yesteryear is a victim of this. It's hard not to feel cheated.

There is good news, though. Paradoxically, it is now the ugly, dollar-store no-name brands that are pretty good. It's because those brands now mostly consist of the Taiwanese factories that got stiffed by these same vampire assholes in the first place. It turns out they make a pretty good power tool, too, as long as you're willing to buy them from Qwijibo Heavy Fabrication through a series of shell corporations, top-secret dead drops, and the sacrifice of a goat. I personally cannot wait the remaining six months to get my hands on a Qwijibo Throb-Master 9000, because I have a lot of mouse nests to pull out of my dad's old Ford. I'd buy a new one, but it's built like shit.

[hqbaby]

hi all

i know it's been a while and i'm sorry for the sudden inactivity. a lot has happened in my personal life over the last month. i won't go into the details, but i've received a few asks about what's been going on so here's a brief overview: headway on a project that's been in the works for years, a red-tagging incident, boys being sucky, uni being uni, and a fever that's only just let up. i'm currently doing fine though.

that being said, a hectic life hasn't usually fucked with my fic writing and updating, so now the reason why it's been such a pain posting my work: my blog keeps getting tagged as an explicit blog. as i write this, i have just processed another complaint because i was tagged again. not a big deal the first few times, but gets really fucking annoying to have to deal with this just about any time i log on.

i'm genuinely sorry to everyone who has waited for updates on miu. i hope you know it always brings me so much joy reading your comments and asks. it's just been incredibly disheartening constantly having to keep this blog afloat (so to speak) and it's turned sharing my fics into a pretty negative experience.

i'm still mulling over my next steps. whether i will continue to post on this blog, start a new one, transfer over to ao3 completely, or just archive this all—i'm not in the right headspace to make a major decision just yet.

sending love to those who have checked up on me and those who have been holding out for an miu update. i know this probably isn't the answer that you were hoping for, but i just thought i'd keep you in the loop.

[short-wooloo]

So the take goin around right now is that acolyte shows how its era of Jedi are better than the prequel ones because they're less quick to draw their lightsabers

Yeah, gotta disagree on this

1. The prequel Jedi really aren't overly quick on the saber draw (there are certainly individuals who are, but they're people like Anakin/ahsoka/etc, sucky Jedi/people taught by sucky Jedi), pretty much any time they take their sabers out its because the situations call for it, which brings me to...

2. There is a fundamental difference in the times between the prequels and acolyte

Acolyte is in a time of peace and a peace that will last another century

The prequels are a time of rising tensions and war, the Jedi here must always be on guard

And on that note

3. Personally I'd say that the fact that the acolyte Jedi aren't drawing their sabers in response to a threat shows that they're not taking this as seriously as they should, that they're treating the situation with kids gloves, in contrast to the prequel Jedi who are responding appropriately to the danger to their lives an lives of others by not hesitating and dealing with the situation as quickly and efficiently as possible

It's all so ironic, this show is very much trying to go for a "this is how the Jedi messed up and became the prequel Jedi" message, but because it's based upon a fundamental misunderstanding of what the prequel Jedi are, it actually ends up making these Jedi from a century prior to the prequels seem worse

In other words, the acolyte era Jedi are complacent and arrogant, while the prequel Jedi have adapted with the times

[dumplingsjinson]

Long post ahead, read if you want.

tw: mental health, mention of depression

So I've been very inactive these days, and it's because I am Dealing With My Issues irl, which is sucky and shitty and I'd really rather be living on Tumblr and writing prompts all day but sometimes... Life just doesn't allow that luxury. Especially when you're feeling stuck and your mental health is getting in the way of you functioning properly without feeling stuck in the same vicious cycles of your own brain's doing.

In all honesty, I haven't been feeling the best for the past few months, and I feel like my mental state has been on a decline, and I feel like it's gotten worse now that I'm in a relationship.

This is not to blame my partner or anything but to say that getting into a relationship involves your issues, that have always been there, surfacing properly. And when I mean surfacing properly, I mean you become so much more acutely aware of shit you've been able to suppress for a long time and never bothered addressing. You become aware of yourself as a person, you start to realise all of your flaws in such a vicious and cutting manner, and that shit hurts like a bitch.

You finally get to see a reflection of you, plus the issues you've been carrying on your shoulders for way too long.

I've been crying so much these days, I've been overthinking a lot, and feeling like complete and utter shit. I've been getting into more frequent fights with my mum, I feel like a failure in basically all aspects of my life, and like I'm not good enough, and like my insecurities are eating my alive, which isn't helping my mental state at all. My mood has just been on the low most days. I need constant distractions, otherwise I will have to sit with my own thoughts, and that scares the living shit out of me.

Because what do you mean I have to sit there and process my feelings? Eugh, brother, eugh! Fuck no!

But on a more serious note, all of this shit has finally got me up on my feet, so I'd do something about them and get the help I've needed for quite a long while now. My partner encouraged me to finally make this step, even though I have thought of seeking help for quite a while now but just never did so. It's mostly for reasons and the fact that I was scared 'cause I didn't know what it would be like to actually reach out and spill my guts out to some stranger.

I saw a counsellor at my university for the first time this week and it went better than expected. For one, I didn't cry during the appointment! He's a very nice dude, and it felt nice talking to someone who could put my thoughts in order and give me actual solutions. Venting to friends is nice, but it gets to a point where even that doesn't help, or you feel like you're bitching too much.

I did get told I could be heading into a depressive episode (fucking fun, I know) and my depression/stress score was pretty high, although my anxiety score isn't too high (which is surprise considering my overthinking), so we're trying to work through that.

Next appointment is in around two weeks' time, and until then, I live in my head once more and have to deal with my emotions without going into breakdowns every two business days.

I don't know when I'll be properly active on here. I've kind of just abandoned everything (this blog, my Discord server, my social medias) in the midst of it all, but I'll try to come back and post more often.

But yeah. That's where I'm at.

[lyman-garfiel]

Hi.,,,,,,,,, if you,,are reading this it means you have located me on the internet. lets talk about that

general information under cut =)

🍈🪲About me!!🪲🍈

🦎you are allowed to refer to me as lymantria..because that is my name, variations on the name are allowed as well as its a fuckass long name, i prefer lyman the most but tria/lyme/ly/mantria and whatever are fine too =) i also have a special secret name you unlock at clown level 50!! 🦎I am genderfluid and abro, do not expect any of my idenity to make sence to you as it doesn't make sence to me eather!! for simplicity, my pronouns are he/it, and i use masc terms until i don't!!

🦎i am 18 at the time of writing this!! i concider my blog sfw as i do not post enis cock titty boob balls here, though i will hornypost and generally be a menace. for that reason i'd like to say i'd prefer my followers to be 16+ at the very least 🦎i,,,have a lot of interests, biggest ones being valve games MOST IMPORTANTLY PORTAL I FUCKING L-, beastars, rtvs, christain borle insects..mostly parasitic wasps i love them.., dan and phil, mlp [all gens], wof, christain borle, animatronics and uh,,the personal lives of my cats..

🦎my speech patterns tend to be weird, i don't know why my brain works like this,,,,,you get used to it the longer you consume lymanisms..,,,,,,also i idenitify as alterhuman in the direction of lizard!

🍈🦎DNI!!!!!!!🦎🍈

💎 queer discource/flag discourse mfs.. if you have "mspec lesbians dni" in your bio i think you are annoying, doing more harm than good to the queer community and i do not like you. if somebody's sexuality is out of the status quo and they're attracted to something that can give consent. i do not give a fuck and neither should you.

💎proshippers!! i'm sorry i do think fiction affects reality and we should not justify pairing abusive/straight up illegal pairings because it helps you "cope" or whatever. cope in private. 💎 general dni material!! if you're racist/homophobic/transphobic/a fucking zionist/ableist/zoo/pedo i do not want you here.

🪲🍈MYY F/O'S!!🍈🪲

💎Scarab <3<3💎

🪲scarab is my princess with a disorder and i love her very much, we go to anger management classes together and get olive garden pasta after <33 🪲gonna be honest here, prohibitedwish is a HUGE HUGE discomfort for me.. to the point it has caused some pretty bad mental health crises for me in the past, do not mention it to me do not engage me in it whatsoever. i have the tags blocked so don't feel guilty for following me and posting about it as i prommy i won't see it, if its your jam more power to you !! but my brain is an asshole to live with and i cannot tolerate it. that being said i'm also pretty selective on sharring this guy, though i think i'm finally easing up on it? if i follow you, you're not a problem 2 me and i think you're based <3

🪲anyways,,,shoutout 2 scaraman, what got me involved with the mess of the selfship community <3

🐝JEWEL!!🐝

🐝jewel is an oc that accidentally became stuck in my brain and now i have feelings for her,,,,,,,fuck. 🐝i concider her to be in a poly with lyman and scarab, they are fucked up and evil together <33 🐝 due to her status as an oc i don't want..anybody to selfship with her since 100% of her information exists in my head alone not that i think anypony would, regardless i love her so much

🍈....melon🍈

🍈 look i don't......i don't know whats wrong with me or why i'm brainrotting over him so much latley, its like a sickness that won't stop..i KNOW he's a freak 🍈 edit: OH I HAVE LORE.......I SO HAVE LORE NOW,,,,,,,,OH THIS IS TOXIC SHIT ask me. about. it. 🍈i am aware he's a sucky sucky guy with a lot of issues and that i cannot fix him, however we are going to dave and busters next weekend and he said i can teach him the friday night funkin lore 🍈given he's a newer f/o i don't feel comfortable sharring..if you ARE a fellow melon selfshipper though please dm me, i need somebody else who has this guy rotated in their brain to have a discuss his fucked up psychology with

🍈,,,,,i need to draw less fluffy stuff and more fucked up and evil shit regarding beastars au lyman......it will happen..give it time

...senpai.

he's not even a romantic f/o i just hate him so much i made a whole blog dedicated to how much i fucking hate him @nemisisofsenpai my....nemisis f/o..ok with sharing..PLEASE take him i don't want him

🦎end.🦎

thank you for reading,,,,enjoy your average deranged post

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

Ok, I wanna talk about those diverging Owl House au's I thought of. One of them uses something from the finale as a big plot point, but I'll put that under a read more.

But yeah! Here we go!

So you guys know how it was mentioned in S2 that Titans Blood mixing with water can create temporary portals between realms? Well let's go back to King on his little island sometime before Eda shows up. Both of these au's start with tiny little King wandering out of the...temple? that he hatched in and that Jean-Luc is confined to.

He explores the island a bit, and ends up tripping and scraping his palm or knee, just some small minor injury that would produce a little bleeding. King ends up opening a portal, either by trying to wash the blood out of his fur in a pond or stream or something, or by falling into that body of water.

King Noceda au

First off is the one where he falls in. And I wanna start off by saying that this is a crack offshoot of my first idea, so we're going to pretend that there aren't a million different plot holes that would make this au garbage nonsense.

King slips into a body of water too deep for him to swim in, and with his little scrape his blood mixes with the water, and next thing he knows he's being pulled out of the water and into the Human Realm by a young (about six years old) Luz Noceda!

The Nocedas haven't moved to Gravesfield yet, the portal opened near their old home. Luz, who was exploring a wooded area near her home at the time, rushes a soaked, freaked out, and half drowned King home, where Camila, being a vet, is more than able to treat King, even if she's wary of the fact that this adorable but weird dog thing Luz brought home has a skull for a head.

At first Manny, Camila, and Luz think King is just a weird dog, but then he starts talking.

So King grows up raised by Camila and Manny with Luz in the Human Realm! I'm gonna say that they're able to get buy using disguises like the Plantars used in Amphibia, and pretend that that would be the only thing the Nocedas have to worry about regarding raising a Demon in the Human Realm.

Things with Manny unfortunately go the same as in cannon, and even though having a little brother for most of her life means Luz is less lonely, school is still sucky and the Principal still pressures Camila into sending Luz to the summer camp.

Luz still chases Owlbert through the portal, but with King following her, both winding up in the Boiling Isles, and after that this set-up makes following cannon closely kinda impossible since even with Vee coming through the portal she could only fake being one person.

And thats pretty much it for this one, just a funny crack au about improbable adoption regarding characters I like. If I had a nickel for every time i made one of those, I'd have at least two, mb three depending on if you count VT.

But anyway, onto the more thought out au. It will be under a cut like I said earlier so anyone who hasn't seen the finale yet doesn't get spoiled by the thing I'm incorporating into this version. But I will leave the name I'm currently using for it.

Half-siblings au

So in this one everything starts the same, but instead of King falling into the water that opens the portal, he just like, tries to clean the bit of blood out of his fur and accidently opens the portal. Luz, still out playing in the woods behind her home, sees the pond and that the reflection in the water doesn't actually match the woods. She gets excited, rightly thinking it's some cool magic thing like out of the books her Dad reads to her before bed.

She falls in on accident trying to get a better look, and pops up in the Demon Realm. Luz see's King immediately and reacts the same way she does in cannon.

Since she's an excitable six year old with a love of fantasy and an overactive imagination, Luz doesn't really panic at her suddenly being transported to a different world. She sees it as a fun adventure, and those always end happily!

Right?

So Luz spends a little time with King out in the woods. King quickly warms up to her and Luz thinks he's absolutely adorable (and really hopes that she can take him home with her once she finishes her adventure)

They play in the woods a bit, but Luz notices King's getting tired (and she's kinda tired as well) so she picks him up and asks which way his home is. King points in the general direction he came from, and Luz quickly finds the temple. King dozed off in her arms, and Luz was excited to see who or what lives in there!

Mb other creatures like her new little friend? His family? Oh! mb an exiled ruler, waiting for a chance to reclaim their throne! Or a cranky old sorcerer who's looking for an apprentice!

Her mind is racing with excitement as she steps foot in the temple.

Unfortunately, the only thing waiting in the temple is Jean-Luc. And Jean-Luc was made to protect King from anyone or anything; it doesn't matter that Luz is a little kid, she's in the temple and she's not a Titan, so she's a threat to be dealt with.

Papa Titan watches the guard he made to protect his child kill a six-year-old in horror from the Inbetween. She watched as this little human fell into the Boiling Isles, and immediately befriend his only living child, just to be killed for trying to help King get back home.

She won't let that stand. So, much like in cannon, he stops Luz from sinking down into the depths, and gives her a second chance at life.

Luz doesn't really understand what just happened. Jean-Luc got her from behind, so to Luz one minute she was walking into the big tower with her new little friend, and now she's wading through water? in a weird glowy place full of floating boxes and there's a big hairy person kneeling in front of her.

Luz's resurrection is a bit different from cannon. Bc its a few years earlier (and Belos hasn't embraced being a literal tumor yet), Papa Titan has a bit more juice left, so she doesn't finally fully pass on after bringing Luz back (I like him too much to not give myself an opportunity to use him at least one more time in this au). And instead of Luz temporarily being in Titan mode with all the powers that come with it, she's just permanently part Titan now, and if she can use magic to that extent she doesn't figure out how for a while.

As much as I love her cannon Titan form, since this au has Luz as permanently half Titan (or, well, i think it'd technically be one third Titan) she's gonna look more like some of these concepts.

((Small side note, I know why cannon went with the more witchy looking form, since Luz always wanted to be a witch, but look at these!! Look at my girl!!! She looks so cool!!))

So yeah, Luz comes to in the temple with King snuggled next to her, having slept through...everything that just happened. She just kinda figures that she was so tired that she fell asleep as soon as she sat down, and then she had a dream about one of the murals in the temple.

A month or two later, Eda shows up.

Luz has realized that this isn't like one of her dad's bedtime stories by this point, and she just really wants to take her little friend and go home to her parents. Eda, at first, thinks King and Luz are half siblings through a demon parent, and doesn't fully believe Luz when she claims she's actually a Human.

But Luz's knowledge of Human items and her being fluent in Spanish (a language which doesn't exist in the Demon Realm), among a few other things, quickly leads Eda to the conclusion that yes, this kid is from the Human Realm and something really really weird happened to her.

The first thing on Luz's mind, once she and King have been brought back to the Owl House and fed and cleaned up, is getting back to Camila and Manny. Unfortunately, this isn't an easy task.

Luz, being 6ish, doesn't really know where she lives. She remembers parts of her address, and that they live in America, but other than that and her last name, she's got nothing (idk if Noceda is a common last name, so let's just pretend that it's common enough in this world that it wouldn't be helpful in tracking down Luz's parents).

And it's not like Eda can just help her come up with a good story and then drop her off at the Gravesfield police station; Luz might not stand out in the Demon Realm, but in the Human Realm her new Titan traits could get her killed.

So Eda spends the next few years raising both Luz and King, while trying to find Luz's parents in the Human Realm with no success.

Until Luz is around fourteen, and a certain heartbroken veterinarian living alone in Gravesfield chases a thieving little owl into a shack in the woods.

Ok, that's it for now. I have a lot more thought out for the Half Siblings au (not sold on that name, suggestions are welcome), like how certain events go, but I think this post has gotten long enough.

[moltengoldveins]

alright. It’s self-inset week on this illustrious hellsite, and I’m unlearning shame, so here’s a self-insert for the pseudo-MCYT universe I have meticulously constructed in my brain that had only a passing resemblance to the actual canon:

Her Deal is that she’s an Enderian who, for various reasons, got picked up by Emduo during a midlife crisis arc after the end of the (general) events of SMP earth. She was caught in the rain, pretty badly burned, and had no local support system. Their intentions at first were to find her a place to stay while traveling, since mortals have a rough time around gods for long periods of time. However, (because I tend not to give my self inserts a lot of powers, but when I do, they’re powers I think I'd actually have) they find that, while she isn’t the most physically gifted, she has an unparalleled ability to just…. Mentally Handle Bullcrap Beyond Mortal Ken. She isn’t the kind of person to be phased by either a walrus Or a fairy at her doorstep, that kind of thing. They have few rough patches with her being too stubborn to get along well with Techno but it evens out eventually, and she’s good with Brian (the crow) so they kinda just… let her stick around as they travel.

She’s a hardcore, so her aging quits after a few years of ‘just traveling, trying to find you a home, we swear.’ She ends up a Blood God adherent later on, (I have Headcanons about the blood god that are too complicated to explain here, the gist of it is that most gods have ‘chats’ in one way or another but the BG is basically the only one to have a Chat that just Sucks That Much for their adherents. Mari’s chat is pretty dang small, and they are restrained to her pov. Techno’s the only BG adherent with an omniscient chat.) and over time, their relationship goes from ‘kinda uncles’ to ‘those are my weird parents, thanks.’ Sometimes a family can be two demigods, the Lady of death, and a funky little teleporter with severe sensory impairment. (Sucky vision, hypersensitive hearing)

She’s absent from the events of the DSMP for any number of reasons, (depends on my mood tbh. She’s fun in the DSMP, but she’s also nearly as fun when slapped randomly in another media property entirely and attempting desperately to get home, I’m a sucker for dimension hopping AUs) but pops back in at least once, enough to meet Tommy and be aware of Wilbur’s loss. Her dynamic with Will was rough, and her dynamic with Tommy distant, but she saw the potential in the bedrock bros dynamic, even when said bros are on the outs.

Post-DSMP (good ending, the people we love live and are friends) she spends the vast majority of her time doing physical labor around the family house, learning how to build with Phil, and helping Beeduo with Michael. She’s nowhere near Emduo in combat skill, but she was taught by them for a long time, which means she’s still good enough to draw even with Tommy, ten months into his training regularly with Techno. She still can’t manage to beat Tubbo in a fair fight, no teleportation. (he’s small and jacked and fast ok, she’s no good at countering that)

honestly I just like the idea that Emduo at some point in their however many hundreds of years picked up a slightly-too-neurospicy-for-their-own-good-child and couldn’t find a way to get rid of them fast enough to keep from getting attached, and I personally enjoy having enough platonic relationships with the characters I care about in that fandom to excuse any random plot point I feel like writing about XD it’s a convenient overlap that has created a pretty fun character :)

[bakurapika]

My boss has been awesome but I got in trouble for overlooking something several weeks ago that, real talk, I think is probably heavily due to how I've had some big memory issues lately which I think is related to my lack of med management. But I'm sure as hell not gonna say that for multiple reasons (1 of which being, I think she has similar issues herself and would think it's BS, and 2, if she DID believe me then she'd question my ability to do my job to a point where it'd be worse than believing I was intentionally a little negligent).

And right after that, I was late for a meeting because of 1) those same memory issues, and 2) some tech issues. Where it looked like I was being intentionally negligent again.

And I'd just recently asked if she would still be a good reference for me if I had to get another job becuase of financial issues she was already fully aware of (and she's been the kind of person who I trusted to be supportive with this information despite being a boss), so it's been pretty transparent that she thinks I'm slacking off on purpose.

I thought that all got settled but now she's been interpreting normal situations that would usually be like "oh yeah, we'll clean this up no problem" or even not have any identified issue at all, where it would just require a little paperwork on my end to fix - and seems to just be looking for evidence that I don't take my job seriously. I'm really on edge whenever she talks to me now, because this situation has played out before at the same job with a really bad boss, and things got reeeeally shitty right afterward.

I feel inclined to be like "lol! it's just my anxiety! i'm projecting!" but I genuinely don't think I am, and so far my instincts have been pretty spot on about this kind of thing.

And it fully sucks because she became my boss specifically to get me out of that situation of a sucky boss who interprets everything I do in the worst faith possible.

But anyway, so I've been having breakdowns at work whatever. But everyone gets a day off on the day of the week we normally have a private boss-employee meeting. I was really relieved about that. But literally last minute of today, she rescheduled it to be at the end of the day tomorrow, right before the long weekend, and it's gonna suck and I'm not sure if it's better to dread it all day or to have "gotten it over with" and have a sucky conversation that made the entire day awful again. Not that I have a choice.

So basically I need to go into this conversation and lie like a rug. Because being honest and taking accountability for my actions has gotten me treated with suspicion because she thought I was lying and admitting to anything that's "off" before it becomes a problem for other people (though it may not have been pointed out as an issue I caused - or a problem at all - if I let it lie) has itself become a chance to evaluate what I've done as laziness or doing bad work. Even if the actual thing being discussed took place ages before I was applying for other jobs.

Hence lying like a rug. I just need to be polite and accept any blame she gives me without taking it personally or letting it affect my actions (since yesterday at work, I got next to nothing done because I was crying all day, compared to today, where I decided Fuck It and chilled most of the day and was able to focus on my work like a normal person afterwards, without needing to text anyone for my own safety or anything at all). And basically I need to roleplay someone who's not emotionally invested in my job at all but is distantly professional.

But I'm really shitty at lying in that kind of situation so it'll probably take about 45 seconds to break me, and I'll wind up being like "I WAS SOBBING IN THE OFFICE ON WEDNESDAY BECAUSE OF AN OFFHAND REMARK YOU MADE" which would be taken as utter manipulative, lying horseshit. And it's a half hour meeting and she's definitely gonna confront me about stuff that, real talk? Was at least as much her fault as mine, if they're even situations that you feel like you need to identify anyone being at fault in at all - and again if I even hint at that being the truth, I'm f u c k e d.

God someone please like this post to tell me I'm not alone even if you just skimmed it because I'm struggling. Maybe send me a message about the worksona I need to develop and how I should be able to keep it together for like 2 full minutes.

Like if she hates me at a personal level now, she won't want to talk for long either, right??

[lemoncrushh]

a sad little life update...

hi friends. I know Tumblr isn't always the best place to post about personal shit, but I feel the need to let some things out, and if you wondered why I've been MIA...

a few weeks ago, I got fired from my job. it was a sucky job, I didn't really like it, but it was close to where I live and it had health insurance. I'd only been there since January. the ironic thing is it was a mental health treatment center. but the owner didn't give a shit about the mental health of his own employees. he just wanted to make money. I ended up sending a long email about how I felt working there and what I was unhappy with (I won't go into those details here). a week later the HR lady told me they were letting me go. not the boss. not my supervisor. nobody else talked to me.

in the meantime (actually the day before), I had reconnected through Facebook with an old high school boyfriend. we exchanged numbers and chatted every day. he had been going through his own shit, but had a new outlook on life, positivity and all that. so he told me he wanted to help me. he lives three hours from me, and he even offered to let me live with him and get a job there. so anyway, he invited me to come visit for a weekend, and I was so excited. although we both agreed not to have any expectations (just see how it goes), we flirted all the time. for the first time in a really long time, I was feeling happy.

when I got to his place, I didn't notice the change at first. but that night he pretty much rejected me. we kissed, but he said we shouldn't "do anything reckless." I was like what?? I let it go because I knew he was tired (he works nights and had been killing it all week). the next day, although he wasn't really standoffish, I kept getting the feeling he was entering the friend zone. that night, he rejected me again (gave me some lame friend excuse), and I cried my eyes out. the next morning he asked if we were okay, but I told him I didn't know. honestly, I couldn't even look at him knowing he didn't want me. so I left. I cried almost the whole way home.

he'd told me to text him when I got home, so I did. but he didn't reply. I kept texting him, but I got nothing. when I finally heard from him, he said he was "giving me space". I told him I didn't want space, I wanted to talk. I couldn't tell if he was angry at me for leaving, or at himself for rejecting me, but I think it's the latter. we had even had a discussion at his place about how I hate when guys ghost me. but that's exactly what he's doing. he told me he was "attracted to my heart and my mind", something about my potential. That was over a week ago. Last Wednesday is the last time I heard from him. I'd asked him what I could do to make things better. he said to let him finish his day and catch up on what I wrote. he has not texted me since, even though I've sent a few more messages.

I feel so pathetic. if it was just some random guy, I probably would have just shaken it off and moved on. but because we had history, and because he'd seemed so adamant (and excited) about helping me, I just feel so lost and confused. my heart hurts so bad. some days are worse than others. today was the worst because I went back and read some of our old conversations. how could he say those things and then take it all back?

when he knew me before, I barely weighed 100 pounds. I have gained another 80 since then. I told him I was fat. he argued I wasn't. but I think once he saw me in person he was disappointed. he was probably trying to let me down easy, hoping we could still be friends. but it ended up biting him in the ass because I got upset and called him on it. he's choosing to ignore me rather than admit the truth because then he'd be the asshole. that is the only explanation that makes any kind of sense to me.

anyway, sorry for the rambling. in the meantime, I'm still living at my ex's house, still trying to find a job. I'm still waiting for my bankruptcy to be filed (just a couple things left to do, but it's taking forever), and I have no money.

because of all this shit, I have had no motivation to do any writing, or even reading. I'm so sorry. I just can't even bring myself to think about it.

rejection seems to be following me everywhere. in my teens, I was always rejected by guys I liked because I was a virgin and they didn't wanna be my first. when I finally found someone, he rejected me a week later to go back to his ex. my own ex husband didn't wanna marry me at first. now that I'm older, men don't want me because of my age or my body. I get rejected for jobs because I don't have a four year degree or the experience they want or I'm too old. I've never been anyone's favorite. never been anyone's first choice.

I had really hoped this old boyfriend connection was kismet. that we had come full circle and were supposed to help each other (even though I never believed in that sort of thing before). I'm so heartbroken :(. it hurts.

[ritunn]

A Very Short "Essay" On Why They Should Teach Philosophy in School (and Why You Should Learn It Anyway)

Something I've realized formally studying philosophy now is that holy mother of all gods, this stuff would be super useful to teach in school. Why? What are Plato, Aristotle, and even modern philosophers going to teach us that's useful for adulting as many people are concerned about now when it comes to high school? Philosophy boils down to how to live a good life, a civic one at that in many cases! It's how to be a good person and how to have direction in life. Honestly, that's something I think a lot of people need right now. There's no one philosophy either, there's so many schools of thought, so you can find the one that fits for your life.

Other than this though, philosophy also helps deal with a few other surprising things: misinformation and being a fudging a**hole. Misinformation is rampant in online spaces, HBomberguy even highlighted how misinformation from James Somerton led to it being accepted as fact by some people. Philosophy is a counter to this. It asks to think critically of life, of the things we encounter in it, and how we accept it. Misinformation thrives on either willful ignorance, or a simple laziness to not fact check what you're hearing. Sometimes that's understandable, like with the case with James, people trusted him and the information he shared. However, spreading something like that like fact yourself requires you to first confirm the information, often from an additional source (always have multiple sources for information, it's a life saver). Philosophy itself as a subject is the art of critical thinking, and this is exactly what critical thinking teaches us, to never trust the words of just one person. Get different views, look into it yourself! Teaching philosophy can reinforce this idea and help folks avoid falling down rabbit holed that lead to social isolation in the cases of things like flat earth and climate change denial.

I also mentioned preventing a**holes. A**holes are a pretty common problem. Just look at Elon Musk, Trump, or rich guy YouTubers like Logan Paul. Why does this happen? It can be a mix of social pressure, how they were raised, and even the very institutions of our world that can lead to it. A**holes: A Theory, by Aaron James, is a great way to learn more about this, but to put it plainly, a**holes often exist because they feel an entrenched and high sense of entitlement. They won't apologize for their actions in a meaningful way, and they certainly don't see you as having the same moral standing to them. They're a bane to a cooperative society. So, how do we deal with this? James suggested a few ways, landing on that there's an understanding that life kind of sucks. However, if we, as cooperative people, unite, we can life a little less sucky, and by virtue, better. Philosophy comes into play here yet again. It teaches social values, how to be a good person, how to be a civil person. Being a civil person means we can meet that call, we can make society less sucky, and make it better. If we understand our civic duties to one another, learn critical thought, and have meaning in this turbulent boat of world, we can be better people, we can live better lives! Teaching philosophy does that.

In the end, life sucks, but it doesn't have to. In fact, I'd say there's hope. I know some schools (especially in the States, I'm Canadian myself) already teach philosophy. Does it help? I can't quite say. I can tell you it's helped me when I learned it just as an interest by myself, but my peers who did go to schools with it often share that they were the better for it when I ask them about it. So, give it a try. Explore philosophy a bit! It can truly be a delight.

[lockandkeyhyena]

If you're looking for recommendations for media that does redemption well of sucky people, I'd recommend giving Scott Pilgrim a look (the comics mainly, the anime is good but doesn't as heavily focus on it and the movie just sucks in that regard tbh)

The whole theme of the story is basically a lot of the time people suck and do bad things and hurt people, but that doesn't mean they can't recognize this and be better. Both Scott and Ramona go through this arc of realizing and accepting their past selves honestly sucked and how to move on and be better people .

Now of course it's not like . Super similar to ur stories redemption plot, but I think it deals with the sucky person gets a chance to be better and that's ok thing pretty well ! It could be a good bouncing off point and I think handles it well despite also being a very goofy and absurd series

noted down!! thank u anon!

[candlecoo]

four things

These two are for your aquarium au I believe that the female seahorses put the eggs in a pouch that the male has where they develop there (if my memory is not sucky as ever) and also seahorses have lots of babies like so did Izuku's egg (assuming that seahorse mers do eggs instead of how mammals have children) hatch early and he did a little bit of feasting on siblings

This one is for your pokemon powers au when you talked about body horror of Izuku evolving while a person my innterest peaked in the thousands so now that idea lives in my head

And finally your tear to pieces au does Izuku ever just sneak into hospitals and help amputees and people with organ failure

Aquarium au

So while yes the female seahorses transfer their eggs to the male seahorse to give birth, merfolk aren't exactly the same!

Merfolk may resemble fish but aren't actually fish. They have live births like a manatee or whale. However sub species diverts slightly. Seahorse merfolk specifically only have one(most common) to three guppies or young at a time. Since they don't lay eggs, so the process is a bit different. similar to kangaroos but the young cannot be exposed to outside elements for the duration of the process. Seahorse mer young will spend around a month in their mothers before being transferred to the father's pouch where they will grow for about six months. Seahorse merfolk's young are alot larger than their fish counterpart which contributes to the smaller number they can produce.

Inko and Hisashi only had the one offspring aka izuku, so no he didn't feast on his siblings.

But this is the last time I'm gonna make a comment on seahorse births for this au...

Pokemon powers au

Good it should be stuck in your head it's honestly a pretty terrifying dilemma.

Tear to pieces au

No he would not sneak into hospitals and use his quirk without patients consent. Not only would he be breaking the law, with the likelihood of getting arrested but just imagine going to bed without an arm then waking up with an arm. Sure I'd be grateful but also very confused and even a bit scared.

He would have to get a special license that allows a civilian to use their quirk in the case of healing or in an emergency. And even then the doctor would have to talk it through with the patient before calling Izuku and his mother to ask for his services.

So no sneaking.

[opinated-user]

Realizing that Lily sends asks to herself explains so much. Prior to all this I just couldn't get over how difficult it was to follow what her actual rules for fan engagement were; asking about her personal life, for example, would be fine one day (and somehow 'someone' would ask the exact question she felt like answering at length, hmm, weird) and received with absolute vitriol the next. Crazy how much of the 'fan culture' problem she complains about is down to her own choices in how she runs her space.

i have literally seen with my own two eyes LO yelling at an anon for asking a question that later was repeated by another "anon" that LO responded in a normal tone, i can confirm that has happened. for a while there i thought this was just some weird mood swings, or maybe even some weird manipulation tactic to keep people in their toes (forcing them to walk on eggshells basically), but the sockpuppets do explain a lot of how LO is so ambivalent towards her audience. the recent interaction with sucky boi is further proof of that. if it were any other person "going off topic", LO would have already yelled at them, like she already does for her wife and Lolo. but because it's herself and it's merely an excuse to try to paint Courtney in some kind of light, then it's all good and she can be as friendly as she wants. through out all of this, sucki boy themselves hasn't said a word. maybe that is just me, but if i'm being accused of just being a sock account of someone i have respected and admired enough to keep sending messages to for years, i'd say something. but there's nothing to say. beyond LO writing to MO as sucki one time, it's pretty obvious what is that she's doing and her audience, of course, are left confused because... didn't you say you didn't want to get off topic? but now sucki can? it's on the little things like that i do feel bad for her audience. how are you ever meant to know when some thing are okay and when they're not when LO keeps making unexplaible exceptions? if not even her own wife is safe from being reprimanded as a kid, what hopes could you have? (it's also disturbing to think about that the only reason LO let ginger to ask her so many things for so long is because she knew she was a minor, therefore influenciable and a perfect prey.)

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Thomas is Steven Universe - A Rant

Disclaimer: I don't have a lot of knowledge about Steven Universe, both show and movie. So if I get anything wrong, please correct and I will fix it!

For anyone who may be confused: yes, I am talking about the person/irl Thomas Sanders. Not the character.

Also: feel free to discuss your thoughts about this. I'm curious as to what y'all have to say about this.

===

Okay, but think about it for a sec.

Steven Universe has childlike wonder. He's very kind and empathetic, and tends to be a sensitive boyo. He has a star shirt (Thomas literally has a star shirt, too). He sees the best in people. He is genuine and sincere with everyone. He is so bubbly and wholesome. He loves people so damn genuinely and wholeheartedly and honestly.

He goes on adventures and figures things out with the Crystal Gems, who remind me a lot of the Sides. The Gems, just like the freaking Sides, argue and they fight. They give advice and have banter with each other. To my limited knowledge, they do what they can to protect Steven, especially since he's quite literally a child.

Thomas is like that. He is loving, kind, sensitive, empathetic, and a bit childish in a goofy way. Like I mentioned, he literally has a star shirt. He and the Sides (in Sanders Sides) go on 'adventures', which are more like adventures of the mind. They help Thomas figure things out and come to reasonable conclusions. Advice is given. Banter and arguments are frequent. Just like the Gems are to Steven, the Sides are like family to Thomas (especially since they're literally a part of him).

Life lessons are had. People apologize and things get forgiven. Everyone is learning as the arcs go on. They're all insecure about different things, and sometimes they expose those insecurities. BUT, but: they grow and apologize and make up for the hurt they've caused. I'm not saying everything is easily forgiven; I'm saying that they try to be better and work towards being forgiven. It's not easy, it never will be. That's a fact of life when it comes to things like hurting people and forgiveness. It's a grey area. Most things, if not all, are a grey area/have a grey area.

Moving on: Emile Picani/Dr. Picani (from Cartoon Therapy) literally uses Steven Universe as an analogy/metaphor for relationships. He uses the different fusions of the Gems as examples to better explain how different relationships may work, or may not work. It's a commonly-known media, used to benefit both the characters and the viewers to understand different relationships and such.

You could say Thomas growing up on Steven Universe had an impact on him. A pretty big one at that.

His series Sanders Sides, of which he created to better understand himself and it went from there, has a very common thing of self-love. Specifically, I'd say the main theme of it is learning to love yourself, regardless of whoever you are or whatever you've done in life.

I'd say the song from Steven Universe that reminds me the most of Thomas is Change Your Mind. Because self-love is so damn important to him, as far as I can tell (at least). He is learning to respect him and love himself, and that is just so f*cking beautiful. And honestly? I'm proud of him. It's not easy. I'm currently on that same journey, and it has its very sucky moments. So of course I'm proud of him. I'm proud of anyone who is going/has gone through that.

I hope to see that song at the inevitable end of Sanders Sides. Not a season finale, but the true end of the entire series. It'll happen one day, much to mine and the fandom's dismay (because we f*cking love the Sides), but I know it'll happen. And that's okay, because we love him for him and not just for his content/creations. At the end, I hope Thomas has learned good and well how to love himself. That he deserves it, to be loved and cherished and wanted. That he deserves to be selfish, to be brutally honest and to have bad days. That he is worth it.

Because we all deserve that. We all deserve to be loved and cherished and wanted, to be selfish and brutally honest and to have bad days, that we're all worth it.

You're all worth it, and I hope you take this as a reminder. Because I love you all platonically and deeply and genuinely, and I hope one day you love yourself the same way. I'm proud to have met each and every one of you, and that I get to exist with y'all. I'm proud to exist with those of you that I'll never know or meet, who may never interact with me and may stay forever in the background. I will remind the f*ck out of all of you if I have to, because you're all worth it. You don't have to earn it, or earn anything to be worth it and loved. You just have to exist.

(That goes for you too, Thomas.)

So yes: Thomas Sanders is basically Steven Universe personified.

I will die on this hill.

I also wouldn't be surprised if someone has made a Steven Universe AU or crossover with Sanders Sides. Because there's a good amount of parallels, and it'd be pretty funny to see.

Love y'all (/p) <3

[ostrichmonkey-games]

Any tips for a newbie gamemaker who just had a pretty sucky first playtest run and is seriously doubting their d10 systems and other stuff?

If you're feeling down after a playtest, it seriously could be some imposter syndrome creeping up on you. And you're not alone there! I get it all the time, and I know plenty of other people do too. So I'd just take a breather, give yourself some space, and then look at things with some fresh eyes. Chances are your stuff is better than you think it is.

If you're worried about the mechanics of a game just not working, that's also okay! Sometimes things don't end up working. If you think this is the case, then trying to look at things as objectively as possible and figuring out what exactly didn't work and going from there. It might end up being a "kill your darlings" situation, where cutting something makes everything else fit together better. I have definitely been in that spot plenty of times.

Design is always going to be iterative. Identifying what works and what doesn't work is a process. But going through that process is going to improve your work each and every time. Sometimes you can jump right into that process, honing, cutting, reworking things until it ends up falling into place. Other times you have to give the work some time to breathe, maybe working on something else in the meantime until you feel that lightbulb moment!

I know for me at least, sitting down with other games and trying to figure out what I like about them and what makes those things I like actually work is a huge part of the process.

Also playtests are a whole thing unto themselves! Playtests can be super useful at different stages of a game, whether testing a proof-of-concept idea, or something later on that needs finer tuning. But figuring out how to gather useful data from those playtests can be tricky!

If you're testing something super early, I think it's more useful to do a super loose playtest. You don't need the whole game done, just the specific thing you want to stress test. Games almost always have multiple moving parts, so testing one thing at a time and then going back and adjusting it, might be easier than trying to finagle a whole game.

Game design, just like writing, art, music, and basically everything else, is a skill that grows as you practice. It's okay to drop a project that just isn't working out. Down the road, you might even come back to it with a better idea of how to make it work! The amount of half-finished and paused projects I personally have is, a lot. A little contradictory to that last point, but it's also important to finish things! There's a point when it's best to just go "good enough!", stamp "finished on it" and start work on the next thing.

I think the most heartening thing I can say is that, we've all been in your position! But don't let that doubt stop you!

If you ever want to talk more specifics about game design, just give me a shout too!

[bi-kisses]

I wanted to thank you for the post you just made about detrans people, I really needed to hear that support right now since we don't really get much empathy these days. People just talk about us as statistics and bargaining chips and not really as people, it feels like. I won't pretend to know everything about the detrans/desist circles since I'm still new to it myself but I've experienced enough that so far anytime I see someone talking about detrans it's usually to win arguments or they only talk about misdiagnosed detransitioners, and those of us who were correctly diagnosed and are and always have been sex dysphoric get ignored. I guess we don't really 'fit' anyone's argument well enough for them to want to acknowledge us. It's a really sucky life to live for lack of a more formal wording; the only treatment that's really out there for this dysphoria is transitioning and when it doesn't work, it's a very bleak way to live. I never really understood why some people years into their transitions are still nearly as miserable as before they started or still attempt suicide, but now I do. I don't mean to vent or traumadump too much, for a little context as insight on a personal example: I had an unsuccessful transition. I was transitioned as a minor and now in my 20s I suffer from health complications, mostly regarding my heart and hemoglobin and all that (I've had heart palpitations/irregular heartbeat since I was 19 or 20), and I can no longer continue medically transitioning unless I want to see an early cardiac arrest or death from its worsening. The doctors that gave me transition treatment will not give me detransition treatment nor referrals so I'm on my own now. Not to mention I am stuck looking like a teenage boy and will never be able to look like a fully grown man which causes a lot of dysphoria and pain since the only reason I transitioned was to be a man, not to be a forever teenager. I don't regret the transition's effects of masculinizing me, if anything I wish there were more, but it's been 10 years so there's no more to be gained. At this point if I detransitioned fully I don't think I'd look like a woman either so I'm pretty much stuck suffering no matter what I do or don't do next in terms of continuing or stopping social aspects of my transition. I'm not sure if it's because I was transitioned too young or because I just have shit genes, but this is my situation and it is permanent.

Anyway, I'm sure there are many other detransitioners/desistors out there like me in similar situations. It's our lives, our realities, and it's a lot of suffering to have ignored and not have much support for. Not to mention how it's pretty much impossible to talk to friends and family about for fear of them lashing out that they think you 'betrayed' them or 'lied' or 'made a stupid mistake' so we don't have a lot of safe places to talk about this kind of thing. I even feel like I have to stay on anon to be able to safely talk about this here.

My heart goes out to you, and idk if it's any comfort but I have for sure seen several people in similar situations where they ARE dysphoric and would love to live as the opposite sex but it just isn't viable. Usually it's seen with trans women, as transitioning from male to female is notoriously luck dependent genetically speaking, but health issues have impeded trans guys I've known too.

I can't believe you aren't able to receive medical support for your detransition, that's fucking awful and those doctors should be held accountable for not providing what is, imo, a necessary service to help you live in a comfortable and healthy manor.

I'm not detrans, but I have a pretty fucking irritating health condition that makes my day to day really uncomfortable. I totally understand that helplessness. Doctors have been useless to me so far (I'm on, like, my third different specialist just hoping this one figures out what's wrong). Sometimes all we can do is figure out what works so that each day is worth getting through, even if we can't live in an ideal way.

Lots of love for you and I hope things get better soon. Feel free to reach out anytime.