#i'd call my mom but if i do that she'll worry so much

[frodo-baggins]

i hate that i’m like two different people. when i’m at home w my mom and dad and dogs and feel supported and valued i’m overall pretty well and happy and can decently manage both my bpd and uni work. but when i’m back at uni living all alone it’s so bad i don’t even feel comfortable writing it down :/ 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for not wanting to give my mom money?

i am the only person in my family who has a job and makes money, and as such im often the person they come to for money. which im generally fine with, but i also do not make that much. i'd say i probably only make $1k a month, which i have to use about $200+ of monthly to pay for stuff for all the animals in my house, among other things. im also trying to save my money to eventually move out, get a car and possibly go back to college.

but recently it feels like im being used for money, and when i filed my taxes i was forced to do stuff i dont think i was supposed to bc my mom and my step aunt wanted me to get more money.

and now it feels like every single time i talk to my mom it's just about money. her asking me to borrow my card to go to the store, to buy gas so she can drive around everywhere and see her boyfriend or whatever, and we've gotten in fights about the money. she's on like benefits or whatever so she uses the money she gets a month to pay the bills and get food, so im totally fine giving her money sometimes too to help out. but i dont know. whenever i give her my card all i ask is she gives me all my receipts bc i save them to track my spending and i like to limit my spending per month, and she never does. the only time she has ever given me a receipt was the place she gets weed i think which was like $70 alone. i cant even check to see how much is being spent bc my bank is fucking stupid and doesnt let me, so i dont even know how much she's been spending of my money.

i dont know im starting to get depressed bc it feels like all im good for is my money. i think im already down $500+ this month alone and im so stressed out and i feel bad for being stressed about money since im the only one in my house who has it. but it's eating me up that everyone only is relying on me for it, i cant even have a conversation with anyone without money being brought up. i also cant tell my mom no when she asks to use my card bc she'll yell and get pissed off at me and bring up stuff she does to hold it over my head, and anytime i ask to go on the ride to the store with her to make sure not a lot is being spent she says no. sometimes she doesnt give me back my card for over a week. i cant move out my house bc i walk to work, and i help take care of my brothers. idk. i feel selfish for being upset about not wanting to constantly worry about money.

like right now at this moment she wants me to call my bank to see how much i have, and i know she's going to hold it over my head. if i say i dont want to i get yelled at since she has no money to spend. idk anymore.

What are these acronyms?

[crash-bump-bring-the-whump]

Day 3 - Isolation

I love this! I love exploring Mariano's time in prison!!

Ping list: @whumperofworlds, @ailesswhumptober

TWs: illness, fever, isolation, ableism, touch starvation

Prison life had started to settle down ever since they'd brought Mariano to his new cell. It was small, with white walls and a white floor, all stone and concrete. The slab that his thin mattress sat on wasn't quite large enough, but he didn't move in his sleep anyway. The toilet was his own, with no cellmate to share with. The door was thick, reinforced steel, with two windows that the guards could open to talk to him or slide his meals in through.

Mariano was alone.

It was fine.

Now and then, he was allowed to call his parents. He would be led to the phone area, into the booth, and they'd talk. At first it was normal, and they were glad to hear he'd been put somewhere that he felt safer.

It didn't last.

His voice started to go hoarse. He wasn't talking to anyone, and didn't feel like talking aloud to himself, so it just got rusty and rough. He got quieter. His mother got worried.

"Are you sick, Mariano?" She would ask, worry filling her voice. "You don't sound well. Is it cold? The weather here is getting colder. Are you able to keep warm at night?"

"I can keep warm." He would lie. "I don't think I'm sick, though. I don't have a fever, I just don't talk very much."

She never sounded terribly convinced. Once, a week after one of their calls, he was hauled off to the infirmary to be looked over. The doctor hadn't been gentle as he examined Mariano, poking and prodding. He'd shined his light into Mariano's mouth, examined his ears, listened to his lungs. The steady hand on Mariano's shoulder as the stethoscope pressed to his back made his face flush.

Clean bill of health, the man said after double checking his temperature.

Mariano's skin hadn't stopped buzzing by the time he went to sleep that night.

--

"Are they treating you well, Mariano?" His father asked. "The trial wasn't good to you, but I know my son. Are the staff fair?"

"I think so." Mariano didn't have to lie about that. "They're very kind."

The guards were kind. They were much kinder now that Mariano was away from general population. They spoke to him on the way to and from his time in the yard. They were even punctual with his meals. Sometimes new guards were too rough, or they were rude or mean, but they were just scared. He would've been scared of him, too, in their shoes.

A guard mentioned Mariano's parents that next week, on their way to the yard. It was someone new. "You're lucky, y'know." The man said. "My parents would've disowned me if I'd killed thousands. I wouldn't be getting calls from them two years later."

"I know." Mariano said. "I expected them to hate me." He had. Their reassurances had felt false, leading up to the trial. "I don't know why they don't."

"Your mom's a good baker." The man said after some quiet. "Sent us a thank you card and some cookies." He started patting Mariano down. It always sent a thrill through his chest. The world swayed and he hoped the way his face burned wasn't obvious.

Mariano couldn't help laughing, the noise sounding foreign to him now. "She is. I'll let her know you all liked them, she'll probably send some around Christmas time."

"It is Christmas, Ortiz." The man said, scoffing. "Christ. Do need another visit to medical to fix your head?"

Mariano didn't want to take anything the doctor would give him--the guards had talked about keeping him sedated before he was placed in isolation. But the doctor's hands had felt nice on his shoulder last time. He hadn't stopped thinking about them for days. "No sir." Mariano said, ignoring how his chest twisted at the thought. "I just misremembered."

"Good. Get out there, you know the routine."

Mariano didn't get his call that week. The next day he'd woken up shivering and unable to stay awake. He hadn't even been able to get up to get to a wall when they tried to take him to the yard. They'd come in and he'd just had his hands up in the air, shaking palms towards the ceiling.

"Ortiz, what the fuck?" Rodriguez asked, and Mariano vaguely felt relieved. He knew Rodriguez, and Rodriguez knew him. "Get up."

"I...didn't want to scare you." Mariano said, chest heavy and breathing shallow. His voice was all but gone. "I'm dizzy."

Rodriguez paused before reaching for his face. Mariano flinched, only barely relaxing as Rodriguez's palm pressed to his forehead. "God, yeah, I'd be dizzy too with a fever like that. C'mon, let's get you looked at. I'll send for a wheelchair so that you don't have to be hauled around like luggage."

Mariano didn't remember much after he tried to stand to get into the chair. He knew Rodriguez had been cursing, and that there were hands on his waist and shoulders. The next thing he knew, the lights were dimmed for the first time since he'd arrived and he had an IV in. Pneumonia, someone mentioned when they checked on him. The beds were softer in the medical wing, though, and even in warded restraints it was easier to sleep with the extra blanket he was given.

Mariano's parents weren't happy to hear that update two weeks later.

--

He didn't have many notable updates after that, though. Not until they started getting him ready for early release. He'd never heard them sound so happy before.

"That's amazing!" His father exclaimed. "I thought something like this might happen."

"I'm afraid," Mariano admitted. "I don't want to make things hard on you both or cause any trouble. I know how most people saw me."

His mother jumped in, then. "That doesn't matter to us, Mariano. You're our baby boy, and you always will be. What other people think is their business."

"Plus," His father said. "We can look into options for you if you're not comfortable coming home. Isn't there that rehabilitation program? The one that has a deal with the Mountains?"

Mariano had to think. "There...there is. Yes." He paused. "Do you think they'd really accept me?"

"I think so." His mother said. "And you can come visit when you've had time to get acclimated again. Does that sound easier than coming home?"

"It...it does." Mariano admitted. "I think I like that."

"If you need any help from us, please tell us." His father said. "And we'll meet you there when you're released. We can make a day of it before we get you to the airport."

"Okay." Mariano felt himself smile for the first time in...a while. "That sounds good."

Maybe, he thought, an early release wouldn't be the end of the world.

[olsenmyolsen]

Facetime With My Mom (Tonight)

Part 3 of On The Inside With Elizabeth Olsen

Word Count: ~2.6K

masterlist

Robbie POV

Waking up on the floor from my drunken stupor at five in the evening is not how I'd expect today to go. But it's what I deserve after the things I said to Lizzie. My love. My fiance. I didn't mean to hurt her. I wanted to let her know what I was feeling, but I was chasing her out of our Richmond home before I knew it.

That was three days ago.

I know by now she's back home. Or at least I hope. She has yet to call or text me, and I don't blame her. But I know she misses me, and I love her. I'm not going to give up.

_

After giving myself a much-needed shower and putting some of Lizzie's gross anchovy toast into my stomach, I decided to sit on our bed and call her. It's six now, so L.A. time it's..... ten in the morning. She'll probably be gardening, taking care of her little kiddos. She hates it when I call them that, but everyone knows she can be such a mom.

Okay, stop stalling, Robbie.

I unlock my phone and go to our text messages. My heart breaks a little looking at the last several texts I sent her. All left on DELIVERED.

I click on the call button, and to my surprise, I hear her angelic voice.

L: "Hello."

R: "Lizzie! Are you safe?"

L: "Yes, I am."

I can feel tension over the phone. I pause, thinking about how I want this conversation to continue.

R: "Lizzie I-."

L: "Why are you calling me?"

R: "Well, I haven't heard anything from you for three days, Lizzie. I was starting to get worried."

I hear Lizzie let out a heavy breath.

L: "Were you starting to get worried, or are you worried? There's a clear difference and let's not forget that you were the one that said you were having second thoughts and-"

She's right.

R: "Lizzie, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, but that was not my intention-"

I hear Lizzie, and someone else starts laughing before Lizzie shushes whoever else is with her.

R: "Lizzie, are you laughing at me? Who are you with?"

L: "No, I'm not laughing at you, Robbie. Something funny just happened in front of me. Look, listen, I got to go. We can finish this talk later."

R: "Wait, Liz-"

L: "Alright."

R: "Elizabeth, I love you."

L: "Alright. See you later."

She didn't say it. The line goes dead. Once again, I'm left alone with my thoughts. I drop my phone onto our bed and begin dragging my feet into the kitchen. I grab the nearest bottle of brown bourbon, making a promise to myself to drink until I can't remember.

Y/N POV

I close the door to my apartment and lean my back against it. I let out the one squeal I've been holding in since she left me earlier. I know I shouldn't be freaking out. I mean, yes, it's a date, but it's not like a date date, right? We're just friends.

But she is insanely attractive, dresses so cool, her voice is soothing and cute, plus she makes me so comfortable and omg, I need to pick out an outfit! I sprint into my bedroom and rush head first into the closet.

"Now she said I don't have to wear anything too fancy, but what does that reallllly mean?"

I rip out half of my closet, searching for the perfect item, and after an hour, nothing calls to me. I flop myself onto the pile of clothes on my bed in frustration. Without realizing it, I begin to call my Mom.

M: "Y/N, are you alright?"

Y/N: "Yes, Mom, I'm fine. I just need some help."

M: "Some help? Help with what, darling?"

Y/N: "I'm going out with a friend tonight, and I have no idea what to wear!"

M: "This is what you called me about? Seriously?"

Y/N: "Yes, seriously, Mom. It's important, please!"

M: "Okay, Y/N."

Y/N: "Okay, let's switch to FaceTime."

M: "How do I do that again?"

After painfully walking my Mom through the simple steps of modern technology, she begins to help me. However, over a half hour later, I quickly realized that she has no idea how I dress and what looks good. So I'm sadly back to step one. 

M: "Y/N."

Y/N: "Yes." I responded, frustrated.

M: "If you're going to continue having an attitude, I'll hang up. I raised you better than that."

I walk off screen to mock her and throw my hands up at her.

M: "Y/N?"

I walk back in frame so she can see me.

Y/N: "You're right. I'm sorry." I lie.

M: "That's okay. Now, what about the black piece under your Taylor Swift Cardigan?"

I look for what she is talking about. Oh, this! I pick it up and hold it up to the camera.

M: "What do you think?"

I do like it, but I don't think it's good enough for Liz, but she told me not to wear anything too fancy. So I guess this should be okay? Plus, it's black, and black looks good all the time, right? I'm so tired of looking at my clothes, so this will have to do.

Y/N: "I think it could work. Thank you, Mom!"

M: "Of course, dear. Y/N promise me you'll call soon so we can have an honest talk about your life.

No.

Y/N: I promise

M: Now go get ready!"

Y/N: "Okay. Bye, Mom! Love you!"

M: "Love you too."

After hanging up with my Mom, a rush of panic runs over me as I realize how many texts I've missed from Liz.

Liz - Sexy ☕️ Bitch

Today 1:13 PM

I hope whenever you see this, you enjoy the name 🤍

Today 2:07 PM

You haven't seen my text yet 🥺

Today 2:43 PM

Oh completely forgot to send the address for tonight, so here you go! I can't wait! (address attached)

Today 3:37 PM

Hey Y/N, did you make it home okay? Please text me when you see this.

Today 4:04 PM

Suppose you're having second thoughts about tonight. I'm sorry I feel like I'm pushing you. Please text me or call me, so I at least know you are safe, but if you don't want to, I can understand. I'm sorry.

Oh my God! I've had Liz worrying this whole time. And Jesus, she is so fucking cute with all these texts. But oh my God, I'm an asshole!

Today 4:14 PM

Hey, I am so sorry! Yes, I'm alive. I just saw these texts!!! I just got off the phone with my Mom. She was helping me pick out an outfit for our date! I'm so excited! I just clicked on the link, and it's somewhere I've never been to, so now I'm extra excited!

The link could've been to a fucking Mcdonald's, and I would've still said what I awkwardly said.

Oh shit, she's typing.

Today 4:14 PM

Y/N, omg, I'm so glad you're alright. I swear I was about to go search all over the city.

I'm so so so sorry for making you worry! Can you forgive me?

I'll think about it! Okay, I thought about it. Yeah, I forgive you lol

(Aww, that's cute. She still uses lol)

Whew, thank you, Liz

So do you like it?

Like what?

My name in your phone?

It's perfect.

😊 so you going to tell me what you're wearing tonight or is it a surprise?

Hmmmmmm A surprise But don't expect something crazy

😒 finneeee

Hey, I don't need any sas from you, Miss.

I'm glad you remembered Miss not Ma'am like a good girl. So I'll see you at 7. Don't be late

I practically throw my phone across the room after reading that last text! Good girl! Good girl, she said! She has to know what she's doing! Right? Fuck, this actually might be a date date! How me? Why me? Oh shit, I need to start getting ready NOW!

After giving myself the most needed shower in history, I sat on the floor debating on what shoes I wanted to pair with my black bishop sleeve dress. I think heels would work, but I hate wearing them, so I'm going to hedge my bet and wear my black vans to match. Liz did say it wasn't too fancy of a place!

I slip on the dress and walk into my bathroom to look myself over once more. Even before Naomi ruined me, I don't think I ever looked at myself more than I have tonight. It was not exactly easy when all you've been told is how unattractive you are and how lucky you should be that even be graced in the presence of someone who was supposed to love you no matter what.

I reach my hand out and touch the mirror of my hand. Yep this person looking back at me is me. Tonight I don't look at myself with hate and disgust. This is a moment I hope to save. I look down at my counter space and search through all my bathroom drawers and cabinets until I spot my make-up bag.

"Let's do this, huh?"

_

Liz POV

(What Liz is wearing tonight and awww, look cute, Aubrey)

"I should've just had someone pick her up. What was I thinking?" I look at my phone - 7:04. Where the hell is she? I run my hand through my hair. "Y/N would've told me if she was backing out. She's probably rushing to get here. I trust her." I put my head into my hands. My mind is spiraling into a panic, and the constant thoughts of the last three days don't help. But seeing and meeting Y/N has been a bright light. Literally, since I saw her that first day, I can't help but think of her being all cute while reading my order back to me. I feel drawn to her, and I can't explain it.

"Liz?" 

I look up, and it's her. She's here!

"Y/N!" I walk up to her and hug her. I feel like I caught her off guard because the hug she gives me back isn't a full one. "You ready?"

"Yeah, sorry I'm a little late. I got turned around at one point, and........" I hear her, and I'm trying to process what she is saying, but it's slowly becoming gibberish as my eyes start wondering. Y/N is doing things to me right now. Who knew just a black dress and vans could look so good on someone. My eyes work back to her face and her cherry-red-covered lips. She's beautiful.

"Liz?" Y/N breaks my thoughts. "We going inside?" I nod, grab her hand, and head in. I make a beeline to the hostess. The hostess looks us up and down with a stank face. Bitch.

"Name?"

Now for my favorite part. "MK," I say in my most bitchy voice. I watch from the corner of my eye Y/N look at me, confused, before looking back to the hostess, flustered and embarrassed.

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, Mar-MK. I didn't recognize you with your sunglasses on and your new friend. Please give me one moment." I watch her squirm and phone someone. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this.

The hostess ends the call as a waiter dressed in all-white tux approaches.

"Walter will be taking care of the two of you tonight. Once again, MK, I apologize for my ignorance tonight. I hope you and your friend can forgive me." The pleads fall on deaf ears as I pull Y/N to follow Walter to our private table.

I look back at Y/N, who has a face painted with amazement. Everyone in this place screams money, and I feel a little regret bringing Y/N to such a place on the first date. Once we reach our table, I pull a chair out for Y/N. She thanks me as I take a seat opposite her. Before Walter can even ask, I answer. "Red." Walter nods his head and disappears.

"Okay, what the fuck was all of that!" I don't think I've ever heard anyone this giddy before. I smile and explain that I used my sister's name to get us a table here and that fucking with the snobby people is all good fun. Y/N laughs, and it warms my heart to see that after seeing how she was at the park. Walter returns with two glasses and a handpicked bottle of Red.

"For you and your friend."

"Thank you, Walter." I address the man but stare at Y/N as she ogles everything around her. She's so cute.

"I shall be back momentarily." Walter leaves us, allowing my date with Y/N to begin properly.

I grab my glass as Y/N follows suit. "To tonight and everything that comes with it." Y/N and I share a smile as we each take a sip.

Comfortable silence begins to build. I don't mind because it gives me time to get lost thinking about the woman in front of me.

"So, do you just wear those sunglasses all the time, or are you hiding something?" I smirk at her question. "And what if I am hiding something?" She leans in. "Then I'd like for you to share it with me." Okay, Liz, moment of truth. I feel my nerves working their way up my body. Y/N would've known by now. I don't want to brag, but I'm Elizabeth Olsen!

I remove my sunglasses and set them on the table. I look Y/N straight in her eyes. I watch them go from eager to wide. Oh no. This was a mistake. "Wow." Is all Y/N can manage to spurt out of her mouth. I panic. "I know, Y/N! I feel like I should've to-"

"Your eyes." I stop in my tracks. "What Y/N?"

"Your eyes are so beautiful." Is this happening? "I mean, now I can clearly see you. You are so beautiful, Liz, but your eyes are like hiding their own little emerald forest inside them. Wow." I feel the butterflies inside of me multiply.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry- I shouldn't-" Y/N's eyes divert to the wine glass and then back to me. "What did Walter put in this?" Y/N asks, taking another sip, causing me to hunch over laughing. "Walter sure knows how to pick them, huh?" I respond, watching Y/N giggle to herself. Okay. So she really has no idea who I am.

"So the whole point of this dinner was to get to know each other. So let's start." I don't want to waste any more time. I want to know Y/N.

"Okay, I'll try not to struggle, but no promises, Liz." Y/N gives a half-hearted smile. She seems to get nervous when attention is shown her way. Or maybe it's just me? "Y/N, I just want you to know tonight is supposed to be fun, so there is no pressure here. Tell me if we get onto a topic you don't feel comfortable with. Okay?" I assure her. Y/N shines me a smile that could light up the world till the end of time. "Thank you, Liz."

"Of course. Let's each take a big sip of this wine, and then I'll ask a question." Without another word, a chug of wine goes down my throat. Y/N once again follows suit.

Part 4

[bookbeautywashere]

Nikoleta, at thirteen, wiped at her forehead to get some of the sweat off

She looks up when Chiron calls her.

A boy with gray eyes and brown hair is standing next to him out of his wheelchair

He's rubbing his arm and looks all around awkward

"Yea?" Nikoleta responds as she puts her dagger back in its scabbard

"Can you please show James around?" He asks as he waves his arm towards the boy

Nikoleta nods and walks up the small hill, "Hey, I'm Nikoleta."

He smiles, really looking more like a grimace, "James."

She starts walking, "We were just at the arena, that's usually where sword practice is held."

"This is the Dining Pavilion, all the campers gather here to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don't worry your cabin leader will tell you the times." Nikoleta explains as they pass by the area.

When they get to the Pegasus stable James's eyes wide, "Wow!"

Nikoleta smiles at that, "You want to go meet them?" At his nod she takes his hand and leads him inside

She instantly goes to an all gray Pegasus, who upon seeing her gently bumps her nose against Nikoleta's shoulder.

"This is Starlight, Starlight this is James." She introduces the two.

"What do I do?" He whispers.

"Just hold your hand out, when she's ready she'll come to you."

And so he does and not even a second later does Starlight bumps her nose against his hand.

He laughs and ends up lightly patting her mane.

After a few seconds of silence James looks up at Nikoleta, "So who brought you here? I mean Ghien helped me get here."

"I've been here for as long as I can remember." She shrugs before smirking.

"So how did you like Ghien? I know he can be a bit . . . high spirited."

James groans and buries his head in Starlight's mane, "You mean insane! I'm surprised I made it in one piece." He looks up, only showing his eyes, "Is he always like that?"

Nikoleta nods, "And unfortunately for you he likes to check on the demigods he's helped to camp. But you do get used to him."

At that James groans and gently faceplants back in her mane.

"Is Starlight yours?" He asks, his voice muffled.

"No. None of us own the pegasusi. They come here when they want to and we provide them with a safe space to rest, food, and water. Starlight and I just get along the most." Nikoleta explains as she pets her.

James finally looks up, "So I guess it's real then."

"The gods, this whole thing really. I mean it's really hard to be able to make Starlight seem so real, quirks or not." He explains, seeing Nikoleta's confusion.

"Do you know who your godly parent is? I know Chiron said that most of use get claimed around 13. But mines hasn't claimed me yet."

"Oh! My mom's Hecate. I wouldn't worry too much about that though. They swore on the Styx, so you'll get claimed eventually."

James frowns at that, "Where will I stay til then?"

"With the Hermes kids. I'd watch my pockets around them, they like to pickpocket to test their skills. Also watch out for their pranks."

James nods, "I'll keep that in mind."

[ignitedfms]

[ jenna ortega, cis woman, she/her] Look who just landed! CANDELARIA DELGADO, I sure hope you packed all you need. Perhaps you’re not worried as AN UNAFFILIATED STREAMER / HACKER. The city has plenty of spots for a 22 year old HEXTECH USER like you. You’ll be known in the city soon enough as THE ENTERTAINER, being ADAPTABLE and FLIPPANT. ( bambi, 22, PST, removed for discretion )

00000 - - INTERVIEW INCOMING - - - 001

001101 1- - ARE you A LOCAL OF MARS OR HAVE you LANDED HERE RECENTLY? WHAT IS your OPINION OF THE CITY OF NEW JAKARTA? - 00011011

" as local as they come, i'd like to think ! " she's cheery, a picture of nonchalance as she speaks. glossed lips pull up into a little smile, eyes fluttering away for a fraction of a second while her tone seems wistful, " my family's been here for ... " candy blows air out through her lips, " ... long enough i couldn't give you an exact timeline. could ask my dad if you're that curious, he keeps all those records, but — oh, fun fact ! i was literally almost born in the middle of times plaza on new years eve. super close call, but my mom got out and — " an abrupt stop. that's not what they're asking. a wave of her hand, " not important. i was born here, and NEW JAKARTA is my home. i've known nothing else and i don't think i need to, really. everything i need is here. " not untrue. when you've got a silver spoon in your mouth, you're not going to want to replace it with a wooden one.

0101022 - - ARE you AWARE OF THE CRIMINAL CIRCUIT OF NEW JAKARTA? WOULD you BE WILLING TO INFORM THE OVERSEERS IF you SEE ANYTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY? - 001200

" oh —duh, yeah. i don't think you can really ... live here if you haven't, y'know ? s'all people talk about some days, super draining — " a shake of her head and a scrunched up face as if candy wanted nothing to do with it. they didn't need to know what she did in her free time, they asked if she was aware. and anyone with a brain ( is that rude to androids ? androids totally have brains, right ? whatever, she'll look it up later ). she nods, though, bouncing back from the extended pause with all the finesse of a chameleon — unassuming and probably lying, " and of course i would. the overseers keep us safe, and i'm very much in the business of being kept safe and comfortable. "

000111311 - - HAVE you BEEN TESTED FOR ANY TRACES OF SIGHIR? HAVE your TESTS ON THE VIRUSES COME BACK CLEAN? - 0012133

her body tenses and the mask slips, if only for a second. brows furrow and lips turn into a tight frown. as quick as it comes it's gone, replaced with a tight-lipped smile. she nods, " of course i've been tested, regularly since i was a kid. all clean, all the time. " as if to recover she continues ( the more you talk, the less they can keep up, hopefully ), " you guys should really lessen how regular those happen, by the way. totally inconvenient. "

0113114 - - DO you HAVE ANYTHING TO DECLARE? WEAPONS, AUGMENTATIONS, MECHANICAL PARTS OR AI-RELATED APERTURE? - 0012444

" the interior design in here could be mega improved. " candelaria knows that's not what they meant, but a declaration is a declaration, and the gray walls are horrifically understimulating. when she receives an unamused look she sighs, brings lithe hands out from their place under her thighs ( squash the nervous tic before it can even begin ), makes a show of splaying them out and holding them up. " none. oh, wait — " she fishes in her bag to pull out her glasses — sleek, shaded, and cat-eyed. they've become a part of her now, the countless pairs her parents had paid exorbitant amounts of money for throughout the years. the shade falls and she blinks, " — HEXTECH. i was born blind, i'm wearing contacts right now. my parents didn't want the invasiveness that comes with artificial eyes, so they asked some really nice people to make me removable ones. but you have that on file. " the ... modifications she made to the glasses aren't, but they don't have to know that. if there's one thing candy would stand by, it was that lying by omission couldn't be lying, not really. and not if she says it with such a big smile. and when she receives a questioning look in return, followed by the million dollar question ( ' why weren't you wearing them this entire time ? ' ) she shrugs, " i told you. the interior design is ugly. "

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Hello, it's the anon-who-doesn't-understand-what's-so-great-about-sex again :) Thank you so much for your response to my previous ask, I really appreciate it.

I like your answer about bringing physical pleasure to the person you're having sex with, it's unironically wholesome. I can compare it to making a cat purr when giving her belly scratches (yeah, my cat loves me that much 🥰).

When I asked about how do you experience sexual attraction, I meant that... well... I'm not sure I know what "the usual way" is, tbh. I know the way people describe the beginning of sexual attraction when writing books and fanfics, but I wanted to hear something about that from a real person with experience. Like, what goes through your head when you see a woman and feel attracted to her (for the first time)?

I do not consider myself insecure about my body (thanks to a very nice upbringing, my parents never made me look at my body as something to be judged). That being said, I've never even seen a gynecologist because, it's gonna sound childish, but I'm scared of some stranger looking at and touching my genitals. I don't think it's a sexual trauma thing, though, because in that regard I had a totally non-traumatic childhood, thought I was extremely scared of getting sex education even from my mom before I turned seventeen (but that's probably because of my awful classmates who loved making inappropriate jokes all the time). Do you think a teenager can be grossed out by sex without having a sexual trauma?

About masturbation. The thing is, I've never done something that could be described as "touching myself". I'm not even sure what I do (cross my legs and constrict my hip muscles, if that makes sense) can be considered masturbation. I kinda tried what could be considered "getting myself off" that way, and the only time it kinda worked when I was watching a sex scene between two women in the movie called «booksmart» (though I don't think I felt attraction to either of them separately). I never tried doing anything like that when thinking about men, because the mere though would make me feel disinterest at best and revulsion at worst (which is why I never read mlm smut fanfiction, despite liking a few ships). What way people learn how to masturbate, anyway?

To wrap this up, there was another anon, saying that some people who call themselves asexual think of gross anal sex when they see a gay couple. I just wanted to say that a) not only gay men participate in that kind of sex, straight people do it as well, and b) I personally used to ship a few mlm couples, and what kind of sex they would be having was not my first thought when I, for example, looked at fanart of these characters. I totally agree that people who first imagine gross sex acts between a gay couple upon seeing them are homophobic, and that's not okay.

Sincerely, anon, who's too fucking scared to ask google for sex education, lol

Thank you for your time!

To answer your question about what I feel when I'm attracted to a woman. Well, it usually starts out with me thinking she's pretty or cute. I usually feel a desire to talk to her but can't always find out what to say because I don't want to embarrass myself. I can tell a crush is forming when I overthink everything I want to potentially say. When I was in high school, I actually used to look up conversation starters because I was so terrified of winging the convo. I'd memorize a few of them so I didn't have to worry about our conversation dying. Also, being very aware of how I look is a sign that I'm into a woman. I'm a natural flirt so the desire to flirt doesn't necessarily mean anything for me, but paying particular attention to how she reacts to my flirts is a sign of something, definitely. And idk, just wanting to text her and hoping maybe SHE'LL be brave enough to tell me how she feels and hoping she hits on me and maybe take some initiative. I have no issue being the one who takes charge, but it's nice when women reciprocate. If I'm not into her, I actually do not want her to hit on me or return and flirts I may throw her way ('why flirt with her then' you may ask, it's because flirting can be fun and it's not my fault that sometimes witty comments take the form of flirts). I take note of how she looks at me when she sees me. Her tone of voice. I guess the way I know I have a crush on a woman is me becoming very aware of how she acts when she's around me.

Do I think a teenager can be grossed out by sex without sexual trauma? Absolutely! I don't have sexual trauma but I hate the thought of my partner touching me back. Sometimes we just don't like things, ig. And it sounds like you don't like the thought of your genitals in general. I have to ask how you feel about giving to your partner but not receiving?

Any act that involves getting yourself off without another person touching you is masturbation. You don't have to use your fingers for it to count. I dunno if crossing your legs brings you to orgasm but if that's what you do to relieve your feelings of arousal, I'd count it as masturbation, I think. It really depends on how far you go with it and your intentions. If you're doing it to get yourself off then I'd say that counts. If you're just relieving tension then it's just relieving tension. People don't really "learn" how to masturbate. It's pretty instinctual. Most people just touch their genitals in a way that feels good and then continue that motion until it results in orgasm. Tbh, it kinda sounds like you have an aversion to your own genitals 😅 Not being comfortable even touching yourself is definitely a different ballpark. If you're asking my opinion, I think you might have issues with being vulnerable/viewing yourself as someone with sexual desires.

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy, Generation 1, Chapter 14 - Winterfestivities

That night, Ophelia is getting ready for bed when she hears a knock on the door.

Ophelia: Libby, hi. Do you want to come in?

In the months that they've known her, Ophelia has never invited any of them into her home. She was expecting to talk on the porch, but accepts the offer

Libby: I like what you've done with the place!

Ophelia: I know it's not much. My grandma sold it to me pretty cheap.

Libby: Those frat guys she rented to before you invited us over once, they were such slobs. You've definitely improved the place.

Ophelia: Thanks.

They settle on the couch and Libby cuts to the chase.

Libby: Tell me if I'm overstepping, but you never mention your family, except your grandma, but it's just you on your family tree. Did something happen to your parents? Do you not have anyone to spend the holidays with?

Ophelia: If anyone else asked, I'd change the subject, but I know I can trust you. I'm not quite ready to talk about my parents or the issue with my family tree. I hope that's okay. You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine.

Libby: No one should be alone for Winterfest!

Libby: I know we just started seeing each other, I'm not making this a 'meet the parents' thing. As far as they know, we're still just friends-

Ophelia: Lib, sweetie, I really am fine. My gran travels a lot, she's gone right now. I'll celebrate with her when she's back in Sulani.

Libby: I can always tell my parents I can visit them later.

Ophelia: Hey, no, come here. You are so sweet, but I'm not a fragile little doll that needs to be constantly entertained, okay? We had a great day today. That was my Winterfest. I want you to spend time with your family.

Libby: Okay. Knowing my mom, she'll send me home with some treats. We can share those when I get back in town.

Ophelia: It's a date. Hopefully the Watcher will download the Hot Chocolate Maker mod.

Before Libby leaves for the night, the two sneak in a kiss. Or two. Or three.

It's Winterfest!

Taking Libby's words to heart, Ophelia decides she's not going to spend Winterfest, or any other time, alone and decides to do something she was never allowed to do as a kid - adopt a kitty cat!

The adoption agent is not pleased that he's working on Winterfest

Ophelia: Wook at the widdle baby! So cuuuute!

I can't tell if this kitten is pleased or annoyed with the attention. Either way, she's about to be treated like a queen.

Ophelia is smitten. She adopts the little gal on the spot!

Welcome to the Lemon Legacy, Marshmallow!

Her new owner may be overly affectionate, but she got Marshmallow this nice, comfy bed. This lazy little girly could get used to living here.

Father Winter has visited Ophelia and Marshmallow!

She wasn't expecting anything from anyone today, so Ophelia is thrilled to say the least.

Oh. Apparently Father Winter caught wind of Ophelia's nasty "borrowing" habit and put her on the naughty list this year.

Father Winter: I better see this behavior change by next year, young lady!

Maybe this is a wake up call. Or maybe Father Winter should lock up his valuables.

Ophelia is surprised to see Hector Laurent on her doorstep.

Ophelia: Hector? Merry Winterfest! What brings you here?

Hector: I was doing business in town and thought I'd stop by to chat.

Ophelia: Business on Winterfest?

Hector: Business doesn't take holidays off, my dear.

Hector: Excited for the Pizzazz-Ojo wedding?

Ophelia: Of course! I'm thrilled to get to work with your team.

Hector: That's the attitude I like to see! I just wanted to tell you we're getting the venue ready on Sunday. Are you available to meet the band and check things out?

Ophelia: Of course! I can't wait to get started.

Hector: Perfect. I knew I saw something special in you, kid. I'm glad other people are starting to see it too. It's late now, go get some rest. I've got to head back home to the kids and missus. Merry Winterfest, dear.

Rest well, Ophelia and Marshmallow. May you have more exciting Winterfests in years to come.

[jacqcrisis]

Since it's my birthday could I possibly request a silly rambling about Caleb having to cancel dinner with his mom and not tell her it's because he's at the hospital. Again.

Yes! But mostly because I've had an idea I'd probably never write in my drafts that would prelude this. Gunna put most of it under a readmore as it's long and a little saucy.

Caleb's got a busy day ahead of him, with lunch with his ma and an evening shift after that so, in order to get a workout in, he decides to go to the gym first thing when he wakes up. Thing is, when he gets there, the showers are closed due to maintenance. That's not great, but he supposes he'll cut the workout short and run back home to wash up before lunch.

Not that he wants to go to lunch. His ma is probably going to have pamphlets and numbers for matchmakers and single women his age she knows. It's going to be an hour or two of guilt-tripping and pressure that he doesn't really want right now, but it's better to go than her try to show up at an apartment he doesn't live at anymore, so he best be on time.

Well, after his workout, a new problem arises when he gets back to the apartment. One he thought would still be sleeping considering its like...half past noon, so himbos don't expect to be ambushed as they put their keys on the table and their bag on the floor. Caleb squawks as a shockingly awake and already rumbling Zeke wraps his arms around him from behind.

He's got his toothy face jammed into Caleb's neck and his hands already under his clothes as Caleb's brain finally works out what's happening. Caleb puts up a mild protest, mostly telling Zeke to wait or at least, follow him into the shower, while not really putting much effort in trying to get hands out of his gym shorts or a mouth from sucking hickeys into his throat. Zeke's not having it, and Caleb's lukewarm attempts to wriggle free are nowhere to be seen when he's picked up and becomes intimately familiar with the wall against his back.

Not that Caleb would stop Zeke at this point as he's been trying to get the changeling to let loose a little and just go to town on him. Who knew all it would take was a workout and a missed shower to have Zeke manhandling him and trying to eat him like a peach? All thought of lunches later in the afternoon are absolutely out the window as are any worry about what a keyed up, aggressive Zeke might do when he moves their operation to the bedroom by carrying Caleb there.

Obviously, Zeke ends up gnawing the shit out his shoulder again, shocking literally no one. And it's bad enough that Caleb can't risk not going to the ER...again so when Zeke stops gagging, they clean up a little so they don't walk in looking too much like a crime scene. During that, as Zeke is assessing the damage frantically, Caleb's phone goes off with his ma on the other end doubling checking the resturant choice for today.

Caleb fumbles his way through a lie about how he can't go to lunch, he's really sorry, but he's...sick? His ma tells him that she's going to be in town anyways and she has some things to give him so she'll just stop by his place and- Caleb scrambles to cut her off, tells her they can reschedule or something, like it's fine, don't drop by, he's like super duper gross right now.

There's some back and forth, again while Zeke is wiping blood and drool and semen off him, where Caleb comes out on top by saying how she, his mother, would prefer to go through whatever she has for him in person. She irrately agrees, and she ends the call by telling him that he sounds a lot like his father. Caleb kind of shrugs it off but Zeke immediately starts apologizing again since he not only ruined lunch but Caleb will probably have to call off work tonight as well.

Caleb stops him, surprisingly happy with this outcome and assuring Zeke for the millionth time he's exactly the opposite of mad and he wishes Zeke was like that more just without the hospital part after. They go to the ER, and that sucks but it's a better time than lunch with his ma and Caleb gets a night off to play Call of Duty. Zeke also coddles him when he get off work later so it's wins all around for Caleb.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

hey, hope you're having a nice day! wanted to ask some advice, if you've got the energy. my mom has joined a dieting/weight loss group called "no bs". maybe it's just me being overly cautious since i grew up with people who had/have eating disorders, but she's been trying to lose weight for a long time and the lady running this group gives me really bad vibes. there's a lot about "training your body not to want/crave as much food" and from what i can tell the group is mostly women around her age and weight range getting advice from a very thin woman. do you have any advice for how to tell her i'm worried? i find it difficult to sit in on their group calls or read their articles because diet stuff triggers me so bad. (oof this got long! sorry (>.<|⁠|)

This is tough! TBH I think you have to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you can help others. There are so many people who are so deeply embedded in diet culture that they are not open to unlearning it. You cannot make them, but you can float your own beliefs about mental health by them and see if anything sticks. That, I think, will be a more effective entry point than trying to convince them to abandon the diet culture that's probably been deeply ingrained in their whole life. Baby steps.

As far as protecting yourself, I'd highly consider being honest with your mother if you think she'll be receptive to your needs. Tell her you can't hear about this program or read their material because it contains body image stuff that is bad for your own health. If you think she's interested in listening, you can even outline why it's triggering, but if she'll be dismissive, then just protect your mental health and hold the simple boundary of "for my health I will not engage this." Make it clear, also, that you yourself are not looking for diet advice and that you will prioritize protecting your mental health over scrutinizing every couple of pounds. Perhaps you can lead by example for her!

If she's open to hearing about your concerns, maybe talk a little bit about how diets are proven not to work long-term, and how they actually do harm to the metabolism. You could show her evidence of how genetics influence the general weight that someone is predispositioned to be, and how important it is to be able to accept and love all bodies. You can even tell her that you hope she protects her mental health by valuing her own. Don't make it feel like a lecture - show her you're having this conversation because you care. And don't pressure her to change all of her beliefs at once - try asking her if she's willing to leave the conversation open. If she's not, though, you can really only be responsible for your own mental health.

[xxmyhomexx]

THOUGHTS ABOUT THE DESERT ROSE

I haven't even checked this story out, but I've seen some people post about one of the LIs, Mustafa, and I have been having my own thoughts despite it only on one season.

They'd go through with the arranged marriage, but rebel against their families, effectively stripping them of their status and power. Depending on the path of Reverie/Rebellion, The Desert Flower/The City Kid, there would be two endings. Mustafa would become politician and Yasmin would be his assistant for The Desert Flower ending, doing better for the city and bringing peace, becoming a beloved and respected couple working together. In The City Kid, both would leave Morocco for Western culture, becoming successful ambassadors for a charity program dedicated to bringing cultures together for world peace and equality.

They'd also have one daughter, a little girl named Chloe. She would have Mustafa's eyes but the looks of her mother with short hair. She would be an only child because of Mustafa's preferences for only one, and Yasmin wouldn't care to have more or not because she would be happy to be a mom regardless. She is the light of their world, and grows up happy. 

Mustafa is protective of Chloe, while Yasmin is a more reserved mother. The only ones she’d have contact with in the family would be Jaria and Amira, Mustafa’s sisters whom she’d have a close relationship with. Rabia and Kadir wouldn’t be so lucky, as their views on culture would make her a vulnerable target for control, something Yasmin and Mustafa would never want for their only daughter. 

When Chloe would want to study abroad in Germany, being accepted into the University of Münster, Mustafa would not be happy about her decision to leave Morocco/the city regardless of the endings.

He would come home from work one Friday afternoon and notice an open acceptance letter from the school on the coffee table in the living room, storming into Yasmin's study waving it angrily, demanding to know why he was never told about it. Yasmin admits she was going to call but got caught up in an online conference that took most of her time, completely forgetting to notify him. When Mustafa asks where their daughter is, he finds out Chloe is at a friend's house for the weekend, and the couple have a serious talk.

"Besides, all her friends and family are here." He'd cross his arms.

"That isn't what she wants, and you know it." Yasmin would counter, standing from her desk.

"She can travel after her studies from home." Mustafa declared with a stubborn smirk.

"Mustafa..." Yasmin shakes her head.

"Why Germany?!" Mustafa glares at his wife. "Why so far? She's only 17, Yasmin, she is still a teenager."

"She'll be 18 at the end of next month, and you know she loves Germany. Remember she went with her language class last year?"

"Only for a week, and I didn't worry because she goes to a school that cares about their students. This is for FOUR YEARS on a full scholarship, we don't even know if it's safe!"

"Everything is covered, including travels and food. Honey..." Yasmin walks to her husband and embraces him, his anger disappearing into sadness.

"I'd die if something happened to her, Yasmin, in another country where we can't protect her." He'd bite his lower lip.

"She's trained to fight and defend herseld, my love," Yasmin smiles. "We taught her the importance of independence and fitness, all thanks to you, of course."

This makes him smile. "I wanted her to have the life you never did growing up, but I still get worried, even if she just stands on the back porch by herself."

Yasmin giggles. "You are the over-protective one."

"No," Mustafa gives her a dismissive hand wave. "Just when it comes to leaving her, and you, alone. I just care too much to lose our family."

"And that's wonderful," Yasmin says. "But she also needs to experience life for herself, Mustafa. I know you want her to be happy."

"As much as you do," he agrees. "And if Münster is her happiness, I can't take it from her. However, we visit the school beforehand to make it clear they better take care of her. And she needs to contact us every day, even if it's just a quick text goodnight."

Yasmin nods, accepting this is fair for both of them and their daughter.

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS IN LOVE - Chapter 29 - Part 1 BOOK THREE: 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

I put my cell-phone in my pocket with a sigh.

Noah was probably mad at me but it's not like I could control another person's death and what was I supposed to do, break Ben's heart while he's grieving over the loss of his Grandmother?

Part of me did feel guilty, a big part of me actually because I cheated on Benjamin.

It doesn't matter that Benjamin and I had an argument beforehand, cheating is cheating.

"Are you okay, Sam?" Benjamin asked me.

"Huh?" I questioned his words before they registered in my brain.

"Oh, I'm fine. I should be asking you that," I turned to him after stopping at a red light.

Benjamin didn't feel up for driving 'reasonably' so I took the driver seat of his car and we headed to Benjamin's house.

"No, I'm not okay," and tears built up in his eyes again.

He's been on and off crying since he heard the news.

I placed my hand on his cheek.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could make you feel better."

Benjamin coved my hand with his and leaned into my palm.

"Just you being next to me makes me feel better."

I gave him a small smile before the light turned green and I returned my hand to the stirring wheel.

The rest of the ride was quiet save for the soft music playing and the sound of Benjamin crying every so often.

********

"Sweetheart," Benjamin's Mom said as soon as we entered his house and she pulled him into a hug.

I shut the door behind us, my heart hurting for Benjamin and his family.

I might not be in love with Benjamin Hernandez nor did I want to be in love with him but I still cared greatly for him.

They pulled back, both of them swiping at their eyes before his mom turned to me.

"Thank you for being here."

"Of course," I said.

Benjamin grabbed my hand, giving a light squeeze before saying.

"Let's put our stuff in my room."

"The funeral's tomorrow, sweetheart," Benjamin's mother called as Benjamin guided me upstairs into his bedroom.

My boyfriend's bedroom was 'for lack of a better word' boring.

Benjamin didn't have much hanging on his plain white walls other than a Super Natural poster.

His bed was equally boring with grey sheets and a grey comforter.

He had old wicker furniture that remained clear of any knickknacks but he did have two picture frames.

One with a photo of him and I in Punta Cana and one of his family, him smiling broadly next to his Grandma.

We set our weekend bags on his carpet before sitting down on his bed.

"Are you okay?" I asked then realized that was stupid.

"I'm sorry, that was a dumb question, I just hate seeing you sad."

"Seeing my Mom makes me feel a bit better. I'm honestly more worried about her."

"It'll be hard for a while, it's a grieving process but she'll be okay," I said but I didn't know if that was true.

I've never lost someone so close to me and to lose your mom?

'I think I'd die.'

Benjamin gave me a small smile of gratitude.

"I love you."

My heart dropped.

More guilt.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back yet."

So I didn't say anything but I was sure he could read my culpable expression.

"Where were you last night?" Benjamin asked out of nowhere.

"I told you I was in my dorm."

"I checked your location on Snapchat. You weren't home," he said, not in an accusatory way but in the calm tone he usually uses with me.

"You checked my location?"

"Please don't turn this on me. I knew something was off. Were you with Noah?" he questioned me.

I was speechless and surprised he went as far as checking my location.

"I... no... I wasn't. I was out with Kai, we got food. Why are you asking this now?"

Ben sighed.

"I'm sorry, seeing Noah at that party knowing you were still there had me going crazy and then you not responding to me?"

God, I was a horrible person.

"My cell-phone died so I couldn't respond until I found a charger," lie after lie.

Didn't I get upset with Noah for lying so much?

Now I was the pot calling the kettle black.

"Okay," Ben sighed in relief this time.

"Noah's bad for you, baby and you know that. He's not a good person."

I didn't respond but I was itching to defend Noah.

Benjamin didn't know him like I did.

No one knew Noah like I did.

It was weird sleeping in bed with Benjamin that night, I couldn't even fall asleep.

Benjamin, on the other hand, was snuggled peacefully against me, his arms wrapped around and all I could think about was how much of a hypocritical liar I was.

I grabbed my phone that laid on the nightstand beside his bed and pulled up mine and Noah's text messages.

To: Noah Wright [Good night❤️] From: Samuel Moretti

To: Samuel Moretti [Not likely knowing you're in bed with him.] From: Noah Wright

************

The next day was as brutal as I knew it would be.

Surrounded by people dressed in all black, tears rushing down people's face and worst of all, watching Benjamin cry.

I tried to be the best support I could for Benjamin but I knew nothing could really help in that moment.

It brought back memories from when I attended Noah's dad's funeral and seeing Noah so crushed but what I had trouble supporting, Benjamin kissing me.

Everything felt so different now that I admitted out loud being in love with Noah.

Any time Benjamin pulled me in to kiss him, I had to refrain from pulling back.

I didn't think Benjamin noticed, luckily but my whole body, mind and heart knew it was wrong.

I couldn't wait to be home and run to Noah.

I wanted to kiss him and hold him, I didn't want him to be upset with me.

So not only was I feeling guilty towards Benjamin but also towards Noah.

Let's just say my anxiety was at an all time high that weekend but I had a feeling coming home was going to be far worse than enduring that funeral or Benjamin's kisses because Noah being upset and jealous never mixed well.

[fennthetalkingdog]

I think it's really interesting that, besides my procrastination (and inability to stick to things), my ADHD symptom that I think is the most prominent is my forgetfulness. And it's manifested in so many different ways.

In my extended family, I'm seen as "the smart kid" or "the kid from the smart side of the family." (They mainly see the random spurts of big words and smart-seeming hyperfixation rants.) Between me and my mom and dad, I'm known as "the version of my mom with a worse memory." Literally, I'll mention how most of the things people call me weird for come from her and she'll mention how the "selective memory" did not come from her. (In contrast, she has memories from when she was 2 somehow. My first memory was when I was 5, and my first clear one is from when I was in fourth grade.)

Whenever people (that I'm close to) ask me about my day, I will tell them every bit of it piece by piece. I don't care if it's long, I don't care if it takes hours. It's my way of processing what's happened—if I don't talk about my day aloud, some part of it will slip out of my memory and be gone forever. I recently went on a trip for school and relayed to my family what happened every day to the smallest detail (in my defense, they were in the chat called "Fennec's Updates"). My family members expressed recently afterward that they never knew I could talk that much, and my parents had to tell them how I would talk for at least an hour every day explaining my school day period by period on the car ride home and once we were sitting in the living room (and then promptly ran out of words and didn't want to talk again lol).

I'm slightly faceblind (faces are hard to imagine and remember but I can still recognize their pieces individually) and I think my ADHD is wrapped up in it. Because yeah, a lot of times I can't recognize people because my ability to process faces breaks down, but other times I can recognize a face but not a person, so it doesn't matter if I think a face is slightly familiar if it's in a completely different context. I still don't know where I know it from, it's still basically a stranger's face to me, and I still functionally can't recognize that person.

There are so many things that I'd love to remember but I just can't. It always surprises me when people I know remember a conversation I had with them and reference it, because even to me, that conversation's long passed and I don't remember it myself. But I also always feel kinda bad because I know I can't do that for them, because "things that interest me" that get tagged in my memory almost exclusively comprises fun facts and dumb shenanigans I've done, not facts about my friends that would actually be really useful. And I literally don't know how to change that.

I will promise to do things for people and then forget. This is not the same as me remembering but not being able to start on it, but it has the same effect (and both are misinterpreted).

In a similar vein, I forget people when I'm not around them in person. I'm very not good at online friending because, since I can't see said person irl, I will forget they exist. This also works with people I know irl but can't be with in-person. Friends I make when we're all stuck in a new location and forced to work together immediately leave my mind once we leave the situation. And even friends that I make irl can be forgotten if I don't hang out enough with them (which is why I tend to make one, two, or even three friends in a setting and stop, because I can't juggle more).

This is all to the extent that one of the first things that made me think something was actually going on with me mentally was the fact that my memory got so bad during the pandemic that even I, the person who just writes off probably-symptoms, couldn’t deal with it. And people already ragged on me for it before, I just didn't care enough to worry.

[hisadoringkitten]

Today was quiet, I worked some on the website, and I read some from the book you recommended, I let the kids play their games and took it easy. I'm incredibly nervous about "the talk" tomorrow.

You were fairly busy today, and we didn't talk much. I know you have a full day tomorrow, too, and while I know how much you like your Fridays at home, and it's going to suck going in for such a busy day, a small part of me is selfishly glad to have the time to talk. We've barely spoken this week, and it's been incredibly hard to hold it together. Talking with you grounds me.

You initiated a bit of dirty talk today. I feel stupid for not just running with it while I had the chance. Instead, I told you that it worried me, you seeming unreceptive to it lately. It killed it and when I got a little time where the kids were engrossed in their screens, I tried to pick it back up but you were in the car with your family headed home and exhausted by the time you got there. I'm annoyed at myself for letting my overthinking get in the way. I would have loved that kind of engagement with you today. I could have really used the distraction. Regardless, it's nice to know there's still some of that in there somewhere.

The offer on your mom's house went through, so she'll probably be moving to town shortly after me. I know it's going to stress you and keep you very busy for a while. I worry a bit that I'll get into my place and have to spend an awful lot of time there alone in a mostly empty apartment while you're helping with her move. I hope you'll let me come with and help. I'd like to be of use and get to know her, and I really don't want to be alone.

I'm very scared of being alone knowing the headspace I've been in and knowing it'll be so strange without the kids around. I know it's going to be hard, and I'm worried I won't have enough left in me to handle it by myself. Honestly, I don't even know if I'll make it through the next few weeks intact. I feel so pathetic and broken already. I'm really not okay. I'm just trying to take it one day, one hour, one moment, one breath at a time, but time moves so slowly when you do it that way. The hours drone on, and I find myself checking to see if it's close enough to the kids' bedtime to send them to get ready around 7 or 8. Once they're in bed, I have an hour and a half before he gets home of relative quiet. Even then, in what should be peaceful, I'm restless and anxious... it's stupid, I know. I feel the same way when I'm up before everyone else. The house feels too quiet.

Apparently, he went out with a friend tonight, one you know and don't have a high opinion of. I called to check on him because it was already late for him to be getting home, and he told me then. A heads-up would have been nice.

I'm so very tired, I'm fading while I write this, so I'm gonna head to bed and hopefully get some sleep before he comes home trashed. When I wake, it'll be 17 days. They came by and fixed the AC finally, so that should help. I hope I get to talk to you in the morning.

[crrps3t]

I regret my last post to a certain extent, not completely but in the moment I was sad and angry per usual.

I'm not an angry person I try not to be at least. I'm just empty which I know sounds like every other edgy preteen in 2014 but it's true. I can't find the motivation to be sad, happy, loving, or anything anymore. Sometimes I feel that way and it hits hard but then It suddenly leaves and I'm back at nothing, just bored. I hate it.

To be honest I'm not even suppose to be alive, the only reason I am is because my dad drove right up the driveway as I had my finger on the trigger, he's lucky I'm somewhat merciful to not kill myself right as he gets home. Or turn myself into a vegetable which is basically the same thing. I think I was 14 or 15 around that time, but it wasn't my first or last attempt, my first attempt was at 11 when I tried to slit my throat with broken cheap glass but I didn't even cut deep enough to really bleed so idk if you would call that a attempt really.

I never thought I'd even make it to 14 let alone 17, I never tried at school because I thought I'd be dead, I never really thought about my future or myself. I never thought about really putting effort into my hobbies because I'll be dead in a few years, so what's the point?

I never even tried to learn about myself.

If you where to ask me anything about myself I'd probably lie, even at a small question like "what's your favorite food?" Because I don't know, I say I like a few things stuff like Undertale but I really don't. I use to but now I only say I like it because I know so much about it and I don't wanna waste all those years of learning about the game for nothing. But I don't LIKE LIKE it ya know?

So I find it a little frustrating whenever my mom tries to have these deep conversations with me about my future because yet again, I'll probably be dead. She doesn't know it yet but the more I disappoint her, hurt her, hurt my family, be an asshole the more she'll hate me and that's what I want. I need my family to hate me, I need them to call me names and say horrible stuff because then it'll give me more reasons to kill myself not to mention I won't have to worry about them being absolutely heart broken. So its perfect, by the time I'm 18 mom will most likely be done with my shit and kick me out, some thing with my dad and siblings soon after that I'll probably do some fent or stuff like that, sleep around and party then kill myself. I wanna have a little fun before I do it so yeah, anyways idk what this post is really about besides me rambling.

[enderpearlgirl1005]

Celestial Symbiosis

Chapter 1 Meteorite

During a normal day at a boarding school things where pretty well, unfortunately they weren't so well for a student named Anna. Anna was in her Japanese class where she and her other classmates were learning how to speak the Japanese language. However she wasn't really paying attention to what the teacher was saying. She was just staring out of the window with a depressed look on her face.

"Hey Anna!" The teacher called out to get Anna's attention.

"Huh? Oh yes Mr. Fumito?" Anna asked.

"Please translate the following text from Japanese to English." Fumito requested.

"Alright sure thing sir." Anna said then got up and started reading from her book.

"I feel as though my world is ending. I can't focus on anything, but them. My mind is always on them. I wish something could change, that I could restart my life so then I could maybe find myself again." Anna read perfectly translating the text in her book.

She then sat back down in her seat and waited for what her teacher would say about her reading.

Fumito smiled and said "Great job, looks like you're paying attention to my lesson."

Anna smiled slightly but it soon went back to a frown and she looked back out the window.

'Today's the day... I'll see you two after school, mom, dad.' Anna thought to herself.

Half an hour later and the school bell rang, so all the students got up, packed up their notes, and books, then filed out of the classroom.

"And students remember your homework assignment is to translate the first four pages of chapter 12 from Japanese to English. I hope you all can do it and I expect no excuses for those who didn't try and do theirs." Fumito explained as he started reading.

Anna wasn't worried about her homework as it was simple enough for her, as her mother was from Japan. So she had taught Anna some Japanese as a way for her to be close to her heritage. However Anna was thinking about something more important than her homework as today was a day that reminded her of things she'll never be able to do again.

"Hey Anna! Wait for me!" Anna heard a male voice call out to her.

She turned around and saw her crush Vincent running up to her.

"Oh hey Vinc, how are you today?" Anna asked.

"I'm alright, hey you good? You've been pretty depressed today, and more so than you've normally been since you've been enrolled here." Vincent stated.

"I'm fine physically but today just brings back lots of emotions, that's all." Anna explained.

"Alright, well a new Pancake place opened and I thought I'd treat you to some while we worked on our homework together." Vincent explained.

"Sorry not today, I'm not feeling it right now, how about tomorrow?" Anna asked.

"Alright sure I can work with my brother then, and I hope you'll feel better soon." Vincent said before walking away.

Anna just sighed again before she continued on her way, however as she was walking another female student walked by her and purposely bumped into her hard.

"Ow! Hey that hurt you know." Anna said.

"Sorry it was an accident." The girl said angrily before continuing on her way.

Anna would normally say something but today she just didn't want to, right now she had to be somewhere else. So she just continued walking till she found her way out of the school building. She made her way to a nearby bus stop and sat down on the wooden bench.

As she sat there and waited she pulled out her phone and started looking through some pictures she had. While she was looking her phone started ringing and she saw that it was her aunt calling her. So she picked up to see what her aunt had to say as they haven't spoken in almost a week.

"Hey Anna, how are you doing at school?" Anna's aunt asked.

"I'm fine, my classes are going well and I'm getting good grades." Anna explained.

"Hehe what do I expect, you're my brother's daughter so you'd be just like him. He was always a good student back in school... sorry I haven't talked to you in a while. Work has been crazy and Mom and dad need as much care as possible." Anna's aunt explained.

"I know Grandma is old and can't take care of herself, while Grandpa is paralyzed from the neck down, so you've been really busy." Anna explained.

"Thanks for understanding, I hope to see you on the weekend. I really miss you." Anna's aunt said.

"Me too, and I can't wait to make cookies with Grandma and hear what stories grandpa has to tell from his days as a war veteran." Anna explained.

"Hehe yeah he loves to tell them... I gotta go, a client is here so I'll talk to you later." Anna's aunt said.

"Alright talk to you later, I love you." Anna said.

"Love you dear, See you soon." Anna's aunt said before hanging up.

Anna looked at her phone sadly and thought about her family. She felt bad for not being able to help her aunt out with things at home. However due to her own mental issues and education there wasn't much she could do. She then heard a horn honking and when she looked up she saw that the bus had arrived.

So she got up off the bench, grabbed her backpack, and went in the big, humming bus. When she got in she tried to find an open seat, however to her dismay all the seats were already occupied. So she just decided to stand and hold on to the metal bars in the bus.

When she grabbed onto a metal bar she held her backpack so it covered up her back end. Her mother told her that when she takes public transport and she has a bag, to always use it to cover her private parts. That prevented any pervert trying to touch her and it had always worked so she never had any problem when she used the bus.

The bus doors then closed and Anna felt it shake as it started moving again. Anna held on tight as the bus rattled and shook as it moved on the concrete road.

As it moved Anna started off into space not really paying attention to the other passengers as they bumped into her when the bus shook. It didn't bother her in the slightest as she was only listening to the sounds around her. The humming of the bus, the crying of a baby, the taping of fingers on phones and the bus intercom telling them where their next stop was.

After what felt like hours Anna heard the bus intercom beep and say *Now arriving at Birch Wood Cemetery.*

'Oh my stop, well time to go see them finally.' Anna thought to herself.

She waited till the bus came to a complete stop and the doors opened. When the doors opened Anna and some other passengers got off. After getting off the bus Anna made her way to a pair of Gravestones that were in the center of the grave yard.

"Hey Mom, dad sorry I haven't been here in a while, School has been keeping me busy. Auntie, Grandma, and Grandpa have also been doing well but it hasn't been the same." Anna said to her parents gravestones.

Both her mother and Father were killed in a plane crash as they were heading to Japan to visit her mothers family. Anna didn't go with them as she had a very important exam that week, so she was unable to go. While she was thankful she didn't go she wished that her parents had gone at a different time as she missed them greatly.

Her aunt and grandparents were the only other relatives in the US who could take her in. Unfortunately with her aunt's job and Grandparents age none of them could give her the care she needed. So they enrolled her in the local boarding school hoping that it'd be best for her due to their inability to care for her.

It was a pretty good decision and Anna did love her school, but she always felt so lonely after her parents passed. Today was also their anniversary and Anna always came to the graveyard to visit them and just talk. While she did enjoy her school life, she was so bored with everything and just wished that something would change.

"Mom dad If I'm being honest, after you two died things have become so boring. I miss you all so much, and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life when I graduate from high school. While I am enjoying my Karate club I don't know if I could use that to make a living. Plus I'm only learning it to defend myself for the future... sometimes I wish things could be more interesting." Anna said to her parents grave stones.

A chilly wind then blew and Anna shivered a little before tightening her school uniform a bit.

"Off okay a little cold today, then again it's almost fall, so what do I expect?" Anna asked herself out loud.

She stayed seated in the same spot for a while, till she got bored and decided to start her homework. So she got up and walked into the nearby woods to be alone as there were other people around and she worked best when she was alone. She walked for a bit till she arrived in a clearing and sat down next to a big pine tree. Anna then took out her note book and Japanese book, she then began to translate the pages Mr. Fumito assigned.

(An hour later)

After working for an hour Anna started to feel a bit hungry, so she reached into her backpack and took out a brownie she had left over from lunch. She opened up the plastic packet and started eating the sweet chocolate brownie. As she ate she saw a light coming from above, she looked up and saw something rapidly approaching earth.

Anna's eyes widened instantly when she saw that the object was approaching the area she was in. With fear coursing through her veins Anna rapidly grabbed her things and didn't bother putting them into her backpack as she ran. Whatever that thing that was approaching earth was she didn't want it hitting her.

The thing soon collided with the ground causing a huge earthquake and wave that threw down almost everything in range. Anna was also thrown to the ground as she was hit by the intense wave and the earthquake did not help her in keeping her balance.

Anna just sat on the ground dazed as both her body and mind processed everything. Her mind and body soon became easier and Anna slowly got up, however she was still shaken up and was struggling to stand up.

"Ugh what the hell was that?!" Anna asked herself as she looked back.

She saw some trees where either forced out of the ground, burned, or had moved slightly from the impact. Anna, curious to see what had just crashed on earth, cautiously made her way to the thing itself. She didn't know if it was a meteor or a satellite that had crashed on earth, but she felt like she needed to know.

"Once I see what it was, I should call up some pros and have them access the damage. And thank god that no fire was started, it seems like that crazy wave had put out any fire that was on the trees." Anna said as she looked at the burns that were on the ground.

After taking about fifteen steps Anna arrived at a big crater that was in the ground. She saw that something was smoking in the center of it and she believed that was what crashed on earth.

"What the hell?! What is that?" Anna asked herself.

She then jumped into the crater and slid down into it but made sure to be slow as she didn't know what it was. Anna's shoes scraped on the now charcoal black dirt that also had ashes on it. She soon got to the bottom of the crater and cautiously made her way to what was in its center.

However whatever it was, it was smoking so it was kinda hard for her to see what it was. Thankfully fate itself decided to show her instead as the thing made a beep. Anna froze in place as the thing then released some gas and opened up.

Anna squinted her eyes to get a better look inside and what she saw made her wish she didn't eat that brownie just now.

Inside was a corpse that she didn't even know what! The corpse smelled awful and made Anna sick to her stomach but she wondered where the hell it came from and what the hell it was.

"Ugh! That smells awful! What is that thing though?! Is that an alien? No that can't be possible?! Aliens don't exist right? They're all Sci Fi fantasy right?" Anna asked herself as she backed away from the corpse.

As she was backing away she saw something start to move within the body. She looked and saw a neon green blob coming out of the alien's chest. The blob looked at the alien and touched the top of its head and Anna heard it say something in a different language.

She stood there frozen to the spot as she watched the interaction with the blob and dead alien. A tickle then entered Anna's nose and she felt a sneeze coming, she tried desperately to hold back as she didn't want to alert the blob of her presence.

Unfortunately she was unable to hold back the sneeze and the nose alerted the blob's attention. The blob turned around and saw Anna standing there not too far away from it.

Anna felt her heart start racing as she stared back at the blob thing, waiting for its next move. The blob then lunged at her, she screamed and ran away as the blob tried to seemingly attack her.

Anna scrambled up the crater in an attempt to get out and get away from what everything was. The blob meanwhile kept on trying to get to Anna however she was very quick and managed to do it again. Anna managed to pull herself up and out of the crater and started running away from that thing.

'WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING?!' Anna asked herself as she ran to get her stuff and get out of here.

The blob meanwhile also managed to get out of the canyon and chased after Anna. Anna soon ended up tripping on an upturned root she didn't see and ended up eating some dirt and burnt grass. She pushed herself up and spat the dirt and grass out of her mouth before gagging at it.

"Ugh! God dammit! That was gross!" Anna exclaimed as she spat.

She then heard something slithering up right behind her. Anna's eyes widened and she wiped around to see the green blob thing had followed her out of the canyon. Anna shot up and tried to run but the blob was faster and managed to jump on her. Anna screamed as she tried to get it off but it managed to avoid her hands. It then formed a sharp metallic point and stabbed it right in the center of Anna's chest, in between her breasts.

"AHHH! WAHT THE FUCK?!" Anna screamed in pain as she tried to pull the blob off of herself.

The blob however borrowed itself into her chest, Anna stumbled and fell back as she tried to pull it off. She then once again tripped on another upturned root and ended up hitting her head on a rock. Anna only heard ringing in her ears as she slowly felt her consciousness leave her.

Then two figures started running up to Anna, she felt one of them grab onto her and ask if she was alright. However Anna was unable to answer as she felt herself slip unto darkness. The last thing she heard was someone yelling "CALL 911!" before darkness came to her.

(Two weeks later)

Anna groaned as she slowly regained her consciousness. The first thing she heard when she woke up was the annoying beeping of the heart monitor.

However the beeping was thankfully not the only nose she started hearing as she heard wheels gently rolling on the ground. She also heard the gentle pitter patter of shoes on the floor and the chattering of nurses, patients, and doctors.

Soon Anna fully regained her consciousness and she saw that she was in the hospital. Anna sat up slowly and groaned in pain as she felt like her skull was smashed with a cinder block.

"Ugh what in the world? What happened? I feel awful." Anna said quietly.

"ANNA! YOU'RE ALRIGHT!" Anna heard a familiar voice scream.

She looked to her left and saw her grandparents and aunt all sitting next to her.

"Oh hey Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa. W-what happened?" Anna asked.

"A meteor landed right where you were, while it didn't hit you, you were found unconscious." Anna's aunt explained.

"Oh really... oh yeah I remember now." Anna said as she started remembering parts of the event.

"Hey Anna do you remember anything else strange happening there before you lost consciousness?" Anna's grandma asked.

"Ugh not really, I must've hit my head pretty hard, it feels like someone smashed my skull with a cinder block." Anna explained.

"Well the doctor said no serious damage was done so that's all that matters." Anna's grandpa explained.

"Yeah I guess that's true." Anna said.

The family continued talking till visiting time ended, so once that time came, Anna gave her family hugs and kisses before saying goodbye to them. Later on the doctor examined her to make sure that there is certainly nothing wrong with her. He didn't find anything unusual or different about Anna from any other human so he felt like she was clear.

So it was decided that Anna could leave the hospital the next day but should come back again if she starts experiencing any problems. So once the doctor left Anna laid back down and was about to go back to sleep.

However before she fully fell asleep she heard a male voice say "Sorry for making you sleep for this long, I just needed to adjust to your species. We'll get more acquainted later, for now just rest."