#i'll be honest i don't know a lot about driving or cars so this might not be very accurate haha

[goldnhourwrites]

Hii! I’m not really sure whether to send in this request or not because it’s not really an “X reader” so, I’m a lil bit confused haha.

But could I send in a request for platonic Heartsteel Boys with GN!Reader who does street racing? Y’know like Suki from Fast and Furious? Like reader makes money doing racing, or has one of those kool cars!!

(If you don’t do requests, feel free to ignore this ask tho ofc.)

No problem! I wasn't very clear in my response: what I meant is I'm mostly interested in doing general Heartsteel headcanons or "heartsteel member x heartsteel member" style prompts rather than interactions with non-heartsteel characters, but this sounds really cool so I'm still gonna do it!

(And if you or anyone else is interested in submitting more requests, I'll make a lil post about the types of things I'm happy to write <3)

Heartsteel with a street racer reader!

Platonic, gender-neutral

Yone

Yone would be concerned for your safety, so he'd always check in with you afterward to make sure you're uninjured.

He would help you with your car if it ever got damaged during a race - he'd try to help you figure out what's wrong with it and replace any broken parts.

Like Ezreal, he is hesitant to attend an actual race out of anxiety about things going wrong. It stresses him out to know that a bad crash could leave you extremely hurt, so he tries to make sure you know what you're doing, even though he's seen you drive before.

You can soothe his worries by distracting him with information about the cars being driven, or what gossip you've heard about the drivers recently. He asks you about the other drivers to get to know who you like and dislike in the street racing scene.

He enjoys hanging out with you while you work on your car: keeping it clean, installing new parts, repairing anything that broke, decorating it with decals to make it look cooler.

Sett

Sett would go to every race you were in to cheer you on.

He would want to learn about everybody you race with (so he can trash-talk your opponents and support your allies).

Knows the dates of all your upcoming races and where they're going to be so he can find the best place to watch from.

He also just enjoys the adrenaline rush of watching the races, so he'd go to watch races with you as buddies even if you weren't competing in them.

Would bet with you on which drivers will win which races, and probably is keeping tabs on who's been the most/least successful.

Constant hype man - Sett is always doing the most to make sure you feel supported.

K'Sante

K'Sante is always proud of you, no matter if you won or lost.

He wants to make sure you stay safe, but he knows you're a good driver and can take care of yourself, so he doesn't worry as much as Yone does.

He likes going to races with you to listen to you talk about the course or how you're going to prepare for your next race - what's going to be tricky, who's going to be there, what you're planning to do with your car.

He's more into the 'drivers' side of things than the 'cars' side, and enjoys hearing about the newcomers to the scene, the people who've been racing for years, the established rivalries, and who you personally think are the best racers.

He'd enjoy getting to drive fast with you occasionally, or casually racing you on a closed, safe course. He could be a good driver if he was interested in learning, but he's not as competitive as Aphelios, so he's more interested in supporting you than in racing himself.

Would hype you up like Sett before a race and holler support for you during them.

Ezreal

Ezreal would be excited to hear you talk about everything you loved about racing.

He would get really interested in the cars specifically - if you'd made modifications to your car he'd spend hours examining them or listening to you explain how they worked.

Would learn all the makes and models of the top-performing cars and discuss them with you (especially if you were planning on getting a new car!)

Would love to hang out with you as you were testing new things, practicing turns or gear shifts, or getting familiar with a new modification.

He would be a bit shy about going to the actual races at first ("Isn't that, like, dangerous?") but if you dragged him to one after reassuring him he's not gonna get hit by a car or arrested, he'd have a good time.

Long story short Ezreal would become a car guy if you introduced him to street racing.

Aphelios

Aphelios would want to hear all the details of every race - the course, the competitors, any rivalries that will be there.

He would be a great driver! If you could convince him to get into racing with you, you'd have a blast together.

He also knows how to ride a motorcycle, so occasionally he'll ride with you - you in your car, him on his bike on an open road.

He cares about your safety, but he's surprisingly got a vicious competitive streak, so he'll tease you relentlessly if you lose.

Would scope out what your competitors are doing to their cars and report back to you like some kind of spy.

Kayn

Kayn would get in the car and drive it himself if you let him.

He's more of a motorcycle boy, but he loves driving fast, doing dangerous things, and getting into trouble, so street racing would be right up his alley.

He'd sit in the passenger seat as you showed him what racing is like, and then bug you endlessly until you let him drive.

Would definitely try to race, but lose control of his car and spin out or go off the course.

Would threaten to race you (then get pissed off when he loses).

He would talk about the kind of dramatic fast cars he would buy if he had the money, but wouldn't really have the patience for the details of the modifications like Ezreal.

[tonberry-yoda]

Hi hi! Would you mind writing something where the Reader is trying to take care of Kurapika? Like having him take a break or making him something to eat because he's so focused on his damn eyes and not on himself. I don't mind headcanons or a fic, whichever is easiest for you!! And if it's okay, can I be 🪜(ladder) anon?

Break - Kurapika

notes - LADDER ANON HI! I am so glad to have you in the Tonberry family!! Also, I love this request sm might I add. This boy needs a break more than anyone and I was so happy to write it for you! I hope you have an amazing day dear! Please stay hydrated and well!!! <3333

word count - 743

"Kurapika, please, can you just come home and get some goddamn rest?" you asked over the phone, rubbing your temples.

"I've been busy. You know this, y/n."

"Yes, but I can tell even just by hearing your voice that you have eyebags. You're tired as shit, so please just come home."

"I'm staying at a hotel tonight," his voice was raspy. "I'll be fine."

"I'm picking you up then. I don't care how far I have to drive, you're coming home tonight."

You hung up before he could respond and got in your car. For safety reasons, he had been telling you what cities he has been staying in, and the one he had been staying at that night wasn't too far away from where you lived. So you got your ass up and drove.

Finding the hotel that he was staying in was going to be the real issue, so you decided to text him.

Which hotel are you staying in? And don't think about leaving me on read because I'm already here.

You could practically hear him sigh. But he texted you the address anyway and before you knew it, you were knocking on his room door.

He opened the door and actually managed to crack a small smile at you when he saw you standing in front of him with bags of what looked like groceries in your hands.

He stepped aside to let you in and you walked into a gorgeous hotel room that smelled like lavender and a soap you couldn't quite put your finger on.

"How have you been, Kura?" you asked, slipping off your shoes.

"Tired," he admitted, which surprised you.

"Do you mind if I stay the night?"

"I don't mind at all."

If you were being honest though, you didn't really care what his answer was, you were already pulling out your pajamas and nightly gear as you asked the question.

After you got everything ready and in a nice and accessible place, you walked around the hotel room, shocked at what you found. It had a giant bed and an extremely fancy bathroom. It even came with a kitchen, which delighted you as you were hoping to cook something nice for your boyfriend.

When you walked back to the bedroom, you found Kurapika laying on the bed, resting his eyes a bit, though, when you walked in, he peeked at you with one eye and smiled.

You sauntered over to him and sat on the bed, laying his head in your lap and running your fingers through his long hair. It seemed that he had calmed down a lot with you just being there, which made you smile.

"You should come home after tonight." you whispered, placing a kiss onto his head.

"But-"

"No objections," you told him, sternly. "You need to take a break and stop focusing on those eyes for at least a week. You look less like Kurapika and are looking more like a member of the Phantom Troupe."

"D-Don't say that!" Kurapika shot up, looking at you, shocked.

"I didn't mean it like that," you said softly. "I just don't want you looking like that. I want you to take a break."

He sighed and leaned back in your lap. "Maybe going home will be good for me. Just for a couple days though."

"That's good enough for me." You moved Kurapika's head out of your lap and walked to the kitchen preparing something for the two of you. It was nice to do this for Kurapika, especially since you hadn't seen him in far too long.

When you brought the food back to his room, you found him sitting and staring at a pair of eyes he had found during his journey.

"Dinner." you spoke quietly, not wanting to scare him.

He turned to you and slightly smiled, putting the eyes away. "Thank you, y/n." He gladly took the food and ate every last bite, humming at how delicious it was.

"I miss you," you said after finishing your dinner, holding Kurapika in a small hug.

"But I'm right here."

"I just want to take care of you." There was the waver of tears in your voice.

"I'll let you." he whispered.

Him saying that and allowing you to do what you needed to do for him was enough. You were going to let him take a break and he was more than thankful to you.

~~~~~

hxh masterlist | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[thelaurenshippen]

this month’s mixtape is a ship mix for whiskey/harry from @breakerwhiskey. they might be the slowest burn I've ever written and this soundtrack got me through!

This playlist came together pretty haphazardly at first--initially, I just had a playlist that was my dumping ground for songs that were BW-flavored but didn't belong on the main playlist. This is something I've started to do for projects in the last year or so. It started, as many things do, with creating a "DH Strays" for Desperate Hollow (the queer outlaw story I swear I will get published someday), and then grew from there. For Breaker Whiskey, the playlist is called "delta tune", a reference to the knob on a CB radio that takes you to the off-frequencies. Then I realized a real ship vibe was popping up in a lot of the songs I was choosing and decided to start building this. Why didn't I make a ship playlist to begin with? Well, to be honest, the main Breaker Whiskey playlist sort of was that. Their relationship is so central to the story and Whiskey's journey that I didn't think I needed a separate ship playlist. But, you know, I'm me, so of course I need as many playlists as possible. The thing that really kicked it over the line were the songs that felt like they were from Harry's perspective. 

So pretty soon I had a playlist that was fairly packed full of vibes. I've whittled it down considerably, and created a playlist that I think has a good flow and narrative arc. But that delta tune playlist still has some Whiskey/Harry vibes that are good, even if they didn't fit musically on the playlist: "No Children" by the Mountain Goats, "All Too Well" by Taylor Swift (Taylor's version of course), "When You've Got Trouble" by Liz Longley, "Drive Away With You"  by Jill Andrews, and "Stay" from Lempicka, which I mentioned in a newsletter a while ago - it really is the perfect song for them, but the musical theater vibe just doesn't fit. 

But let's get to the main event! This is a true 8-track mixtape. It is, I think, efficient and satisfying, packing a lot of emotion into 30 minutes of listening. 

1. "Can I Leave Me Too?" - The Greeting Committee 

If you go, can I go with you/if you leave me, can I leave me too?/I'm afraid that I might need you - I mean, this is a perfect song. This was really the song that kicked it off, because this is suuuuuuuuch a Harry song, my LORD. She's the one left behind, but she also doesn't want to fully admit she needs Whiskey and yet she also is trying to morph herself into something that will make Whiskey stay, even if that means withholding information from her. 

I'll never say your name again/if you don't want me - I love this lyric because it works on two levels for me. There's a sense of "if you don't want me I'll forsake you completely" but also a sense of "I don't deserve your name if you don't want me" but THEN, the thing that really gets me is Harry saying "I'll never say your name again if you don't want me to say it", given their whole thing with names and nicknames and the fact that Harry always called her Abigail when she preferred Abi. 

2. "Edge of the Earth" - Beaches 

Again, this song feels like it was written for them. One of them fire, one of them ice, going in circles and never moving forward? It's them.  

Like a race car driving away from the scene/does she want me to stay/does she want me to pack...You push me in circles/to the edge of the earth/where I can't go any further 'till I start coming back to you - I feel insane!! Those lyrics are just too perfect. I also love the imagery of spin me like a globe/and drop your finger on me. I used to love playing that game (but also, in retrospect, why did my parents own a globe?), and there's something about Whiskey and Harry being the ultimate determinants for each other of where they go. 

3. "In My Bones" - 76th Street

This song has just been sitting in my Apple Music for years and years waiting to be put on a playlist. It's in my "rent free" playlist, but was never in an original character or story playlist. And then it popped up on shuffle as I was building this one and it was like, "OH! Here it is!"

Even in the stillest nights you found a way to shake up my life - I love the idea that the two of them were living a pretty peaceful existence in Pennsylvania, quiet and sedate, and yet were STILL torturing each other. 

How do I feel you in my bones, even when I'm alone/the time you spend on my mind, it's like a second home/but I say that I'm doing okay/while I wait to hear a knock at my door/tell me we'll run away

4. "Too Sweet" - Hozier

A late add to this playlist, because it's still a fairly recent song, but come on. I take my whiskey neat? How could I resist. 

I also just love how this is a love song that's sort of...snarky. Like, I don't know that I totally buy that 'you're just too sweet for me!' is the takeaway of the song. To me, the lyrics really describe two very different people who are maybe trying to accommodate each other, or to be some version of themselves they think they should be, but it's not really working. 

You keep tellin' me to live right/To go to bed before the daylight/But then you wake up for the sunrise/You know you don't gotta pretend - both Whiskey and Harry do a degree of pretending around each other, but as they live together, those facades start to wear away. And then the question becomes - are the real versions of each other ones they want?

5. "Any Day Now" - Trousdale

Another great song about trying to live up to someone's expectations. Musically, this song fits here, but narratively, it is to me a very early-days-after-Whiskey-left song for Harry. This idea of "you left and I always let you down but I'm going to be FINE now" even though that's not at all true. And I looove that I know I said is sung by the lead but the accompanying I love you and I need you are sung off to the side like secrets or after thoughts. Because Harry didn't say those things and she just hoped that Whiskey would stay anyway. 

I've been sleeping too much, got a list that I have/yet to cross out, gonna get to it in a while is a perfect contrast to the lyric Since I left I've not been drinking or staying out late/Get up early and I meditate from "Runner's High" on the show playlist, which is very much a Whiskey song. 

But every time I hear your name/it's like somebody hit replay/on all the ways I let you down/I guess I'll be the villain now - I'm normal about Harry listening to all of Whiskey's transmissions and hearing herself be cast as the villain that she absolutely already thought she was. 

6. "Where It Ends" - Hunter Metts

"Ships Passing By" by the same artist is on the main playlist and initially "Threads" by him was on here (I never thought that I could lose you/So I tried/To hallucinate a love that never comes true). But then he came out with this track. 

If this is where it ends/where do I go when you know every part of me - okay, Hunter!!!! Kill us from the opening line!!!! 

Someone that you regret/on the interstate, I felt you getting colder/and I hope you're doing better ever since we were done/I hope you find forever with somebody you love, I guess/but I didn't think it'd cut like this - I think from the beginning - from the moment Whiskey hot-wired a car after killing Billings and drove her and Harry away - Harry felt like any chance she had of something with Whiskey was dead on arrival. I also love the "I guess" here because no, of course you don't really want that person you just broke up with to be happy, not really. 

7. "Everything" - MUNA

This songs makes me fully feral. MUNA is so good at writing universal experiences through laser specificity - the particular mindset of seeing something, anything, and thinking of that one person is such a real and potent thing. This song and the next are two songs that I have listened to on single repeat for quite literally an hour or so. 

Everything's about you to me is really just Whiskey's constant experience in driving around the country. 

'Cause the world could be burning/and all I'd be thinking/is how are you doing, baby? - an insane lyric!!!! Ahhhhh!

I can barely SPEAK about the bridge. I'm only here to tell you that I am eviscerated gets me EVERY time and you are a wildfire and I'm standing in the rain takes my brain completely offline. 

8. "can we start over?" - Charlotte Sands

I'm calling it now, this song is going to be in my top 5 most played songs this year. I think the last three months of this show were written to this song on repeat. And I'm going to do something I rarely do and just...copy out pretty much all the lyrics. Because it does feel like this was written purely to help me write the final act of this story. 

Can we start over?/Can we be strangers?/I could let go of all of my anger/Reintroduce you to all of my secrets/I'll never leave you, this time I'll mean it - UGH. That final line. The promises that Whiskey and Harry have made to each other, the secrets they've withheld. I just love the theme of "let's go back to the beginning, things will be different this time I PROMISE". But, of course, you never can start over, not really. 

We'd be like the movies/Be happy in the end/You wouldn't have to lose me/I wouldn't have to mend/Nothing would be painful/We'd never play pretend/Then maybe I'd be able to let you in again/Don't let me believe in you...I want to believe in you - The contrast between "don't let me believe in you" and "I want to" just kills me. That's really what it comes down to - I can't trust you again, even if you let me, even though I desperately want to. 

Maybe in a different life/Maybe at a different time/What if I was meant to be yours?/What if you were made to be mine? - the constant question. If they had stayed in their primary timeline, if they had gone into a different one, if they're able to get into a different one now, does that make things easier?

I know I've copied out almost the entire song but the lines "I could let go of all of my anger" and "this time I'll mean it" are really soooooo Whiskey. And "Can we be strangers...reintroduce you to all of my secrets?" is very Harry. I could talk about this song forever. My god. 

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 16

"Exposed" AKA "That Bradford"

Valentine's Day is pushed a week in the universe of The Rookie, but since I'm still not sure what year we're in on the show, that's just fine by me!

SPOILER ALERT: Spoilers are like sugar for me. See, some people love sugar and hate spoilers. I'm the opposite (unless it's macarons or carrot cake). So, if you're spoiler-averse, run. I'll also be spoiling everything that came before. You've been forewarned!

Ready to see how Tim and Lucy's first Valentine's as a couple pans out? Me, too! Let's dive in.

Chenford In Lucy's Bed

No music to lead us into tonight's episode. Only the sounds of the streets. Honking. Cars. Barking dogs. Crickets that have apparently gotten into Lucy's apartment only.

But, anyway, we're not listening to a jamming soundtrack. We're listening to life. It's the sounds a sleeping person might hear in the night.

That's what makes the first sound we hear so jarring. We are with Tim and Lucy in that moment, the harsh buzzing sound of a vibrating, moving phone atop a nightstand.

They've immersed us in this world with them.

And, before I get too swept away... Tim and Lucy in Lucy's bed! To be honest, my very first thought was, "How does he fit in that bed?!".

Of course it's doable, but I've never shared a bed with someone taller than me. Matthew and I are almost the same height! And he complains because I like my feet at the bottom and he likes his head at the top. Learning to share a blanket has been a feat in our marriage!

But Tim and Lucy seem to be sharing the bed well enough—except Lucy is on his side.

Look, it's her bed, so she gets first rights to choosing a side. But I still think it's hilarious they both usually sleep on that side of the bed.

The buzzing sound wakes them. And I gotta ask Lucy what kind of battery she's got in that phone, because it can't be the standard model.

Girlfriend has that phone in her hand all the time during the day, and here she doesn't even have a charge cord in it overnight. That's witchcraft!

"Who is it?" "I don't know" "Hello?" "Loca, you gotta stop texting..."

Lucy jumps up fast. It only takes a second for the wheels to start moving, and she leaps to her dresser, tugging out clothes.

And… I kinda hope a drawer or two belongs to her man. Just sayin’.

"What's happening?" "PUC I trained with distress call. He needs a covert rescue." *Tim sits up* "What are you doing?" "Backing you up."

There's no hesitation in this man, and I can I hear her "thank you" in her look. These two are a team. And while he knows she can handle herself, they both know it's better to have backup.

Lucy's Driving Tim's Ride

Alright, I gotta laugh a little, because my first thought I wrote on this scene (no joke) is, "All about putting Tim in small places today." Seriously. We've taken possibly the tallest member of the cast and put him into all the tiny places and it's cracking me up.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way. Can. We. Talk. About. Lucy!?!

She rolls up into this situation completely in characters, already deep in her backstory and ready to help her friend out of a jam. It's great to get to see her use her UC chops, again.

"Damn You came in hot. Damn." "All clear."

Lucy makes it clear she's not alone. That's a good thing.

Also, I saw a lot of people over on the Twitterverse commenting on him calling her "hot", but this might be a language barrier since this is a turn of phrase. It usually has to do with coming in "guns blazing" or in an otherwise crazy manner.

He's not calling her hot. Well... not yet.

"I'm impressed you managed to scrounge up a backup this fast." "Yeah, I mean, it helps he was sleeping in my bed." "Oh. Oh, you're that Bradford."

Excuse me!? That Bradford?! As in... she talked about Tim!?

"Curious to hear what that means." "No."

I want to know, too! Was Lucy talking about Tim at UC when she was still dating Chris? What was being said that finding out he was in her bed made it all make sense?

Like, hearing "Bradford" didn't click it. It was that he was in her bed.

Did she not talk about Chris at all because she was at UC School and didn't feel the need to fill everyone in on the boyfriend she was bored with? I mean, I get it. I didn't mention my boyfriend when I first met Matt.

No, I wasn't devising a cheating plot or anything. I simply didn't mention the guy because I knew that I was breaking up with him next time I saw him.

Of course, I didn't anticipate Matthew asking me out before that, but "Rejection Day" became the day he proposed three years later, so it all worked out alright for him, I suppose.

And it all worked out for Lucy and "that Bradford", too.

There better be some fics out here that fill in the blanks, because this is another one of those episodes where I have a lot of question marks remaining long after the credits roll.

"Damn it's good to see you hot pants. " "Hot pants." "It's an inside joke."

Inside jokes I get, but it seems like she might explain that one to Tim sometime. Like, I had a nickname at uni from my buddy Sam. We never had interest in one another, but he liked to call me Hot Stuff.

That is... until his Dance Appreciation class had to sit in on my Modern Dance class and he saw me in dance tights. Henceforth, I was Ghetto Booty.

Look, I'm Hispanic and in my thighs and bum... it shows.

No, Matthew never called me either name. So, I get having nicknames and weird in-jokes with someone you'd never be interested in dating. But I do hope she clued Tim in later.

Wesley Hires a Bristow

Is this Sydney's second secret sister? Fellow Alias fans know what I mean. But, as soon as I heard the name I started chuckling aloud, hoping it was a reference.

"You're kidding. Thanks." "Kidding about what" "Uh nothing."

What the hell just went down? Because on this show "nothing" never means nothing. Tim is clearly upset about something.

"You left so early." *arm touch* "I had this whole Valentine's breakfast planned."

D'aww. I mean, that's super cute. I'm kinda sad that Tim missed out on it, but I'm also eager for Tim to cook for Lucy. It's one of those things that I love about them—they both cook.

When Matthew and I met he claimed he could cook one things—eggs. Spoiler Alert: he could not cook eggs.

"Uh, you were up late. I let you sleep."

Marry him. Immediately. That is seriously husband material, right there.

Like, one of the sweetest things Matthew can do for me is let me sleep in. Even before we had kids, he'd let me sleep in and I treasured it.

Lucy, marry that man as soon as you can. He's a keeper!

He's also super on edge. He's looking all around like he doesn't know how to feel comfortable in his own skin.

"We didn't keep you up, did we? " "No, it's fine." *she stops him with a touch* "Hey. Are you okay?" "Yeah. Fine."

You are not fine. You are so fucking far from fine that "fine" is in another zip code. And Lucy knows it.

This girl speaks Tim like no other. So when her man's upset, she knows it. Remember, she "rode long enough with" Tim to know when he's upset. And Tim is upset.

But right now, he wants to focus on work.

"Finally. I'll get right to it."

Grey was not happy Chenford was late getting in. Yikes! Just how late did he let her sleep in!?

"Bradford. Chen. Hold back."

I can hear the kids in elementary school now. "Oooohhh, Lucy and Tim are in truuuubullll!"

In reality, it's just Tim. And poor Tim is already on-edge, and you can hear it coming out in his conversation with Grey.

"I want metro to be ready to move on these guys at a moment's notice." ... "That's why you'll be riding with Chen and Foster today, so there'll be no delays."

From the promos, I was curious how we ended up with these two riding together, again. And, I'm not mad at it, at all!

Shop Talk has been a big deal with these two over the years. So, I'm sure it'll be juicy.

"Everybody adores me, right?" *shoulder touch* "Yup."

Or... not. Tim's barely staying a thing even when he has the chance to compliment his lady.

He's not happy. Lucy is trying to be cordial to her friend and also get through to her boyfriend, but right now attempting both isn't helping her with Tim.

Lucy pulls away from Tim and turns to talking work, which she hopes might work better on Tim. Whatever's bothering him, it's deep. She's going to have to ease him into it.

"We broke up. Well, she broke up with me."

Very similar dialogue to the "Tim tells Lucy about the Ashley breakup" scene. It jumped out at me immediately. I'm not sure if that was an unintentional happenstance, or a reference to the fact that Noah simply wasn't with the right person.

Your guess is as good as mine.

"I'm starting to think the undercover life isn't conducive to a happy relationship."

Tim's. Face. Because he knows all about this. Tim was married to a UC and it didn't go well. And while I think it's a little harsh to blame UC on a relationship ending, we're building quite the use case reference here.

Nyla and her ex. Tim and his ex. Noah and his ex.

If the show's trying to make a point with this, I'm suddenly nervous about Tim and Lucy's path when I haven't been before.

Lucy deserves the chance to go deep cover if she wants it. And Tim would understandably have reservations.

I won't pretend I haven't fantasized about Season 5 ending with Lucy going deep cover and us coming back to Season 6 with a time-jump. But since we haven't yet heard word about Season 6 at all, I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs and hoping Chenford simply survive until the end of the season.

Look, I've got a lot of ship trauma. I want to fully trust, but like my friend Tim, here, I'm not always the best at trust.

"Well, I mean, that probably depends on the couple." "Is that why you're still on Patrol?"

Oooh. Noah just accused Lucy of putting her career on pause for Tim. Yikes.

And, to Lucy's point, I haven't seen her offered a lot of UC this season. It's not like she's been turning offer after offer down, fending off assignments with a stick.

Lucy loves UC and she definitely wants to do it. It's true that she might not be going after those assignments because she's caught in the throes of new love and wants to get this on a solid footing first.

And I think that's important. Because, I feel a big Lucy UC assignment coming. Yes, my feelings could be as unreliable as the Psychic Network, but it does make sense narratively.

"...you were by far the most talented cop at UC school. Be a shame if you didn't take the plunge."

Tim glances over at Lucy, and she has her "pensive" face on. She's considering Noah's words, and I think it's fair that she does.

Look, Tim's advanced his career (unknowingly with Lucy's help) and it's about time Lucy had the opportunity to advance hers.

I'm not a fan who's ready for Tim and Lucy to settle down in a three bedroom home with a meyer lemon tree in the backyard tending babies all day.

And I say this lovingly as a very active mother of three. Lucy deserves the chance to go after what she wants out of her career. I'm blessed to have the kind of husband who supports me working and going after my passions.

I very famously turned down a steady gig to go freelance almost six years ago. I told him I thought it was a better choice. His response? "I disagree, but I support your decision."

Husband of the year, right there. I want Lucy to feel fulfilled career-wise. But I have a feeling this is going to be a future source of angst for Tim and Lucy—and rightfully so.

Tim's reservations are completely understandable. I mean, we've already mentioned the three relationships in their friend circle negatively impacted by UC.

Now, was UC the contributing factor to these relationships ending? Probably not. But it is a commonality that can cloud the fact that each of these relationships likely had other issues.

But I can completely understand how Tim might miss those subtleties. And that's going to be a source of conflict for these two, I think. We'll see if I'm right... only a handful of episodes left in the season!

"Why are you so cranky? First Valentine's Day. You should be basking in the glow of new love." "That's right. What are you guys doing tonight?" "We are not talking about Valentine's Day plans on an open channel."

Tim appreciates that, at least. Look, I love these scenes where the Found Family all get to interact, even if it's only over the radio. But, he has a point, and Lucy comes in to back him up.

They've got each other's backs... even when one of them is obviously pissed and closed off.

But Lucy watches Tim as Grey talks. She's trying to figure him out, because he's barely looking at her. He's barely talking.

And while we all know that Tim isn't the most talkative of guys in the Shop, he usually talks to Lucy. Right now, he's erected an invisible wall between them, and while Lucy can't see it, she can feel the heat of the electricity running through it.

*arm touch* "Out with it." "What?" "What is wrong with you today?" "Nothing." "Bull. "

First off, on this show nothing is ever nothing. Second, have you ever wished that they could just say bullshit on network television? Like, I know there's S&P to deal with, but wouldn't it feel good!?

I remember how excited we all were when Mulder could say "dicking around" in the first X-Files movie when we saw it in theaters. Yes, I'm that old.

But Melissa O'Neil puts as much as she can behind that "bull" so we totally know Lucy Chen is thinking the rest. Like usual, Lucy's calling Tim on his shit.

"Is it Noah? Are you jealous?"

Not like usual, she's actually wrong about what's bothering Tim.

"This is about you going behind my back to get me into Metro." "I did not... " *look from Tim*

Oooh, he's pissed. And, look, I know I talked a lot about wanting Tim to find out he was loved, but finding out that his girlfriend went behind his back to manipulate the situation when he thought he'd earned his place? Ooof. Yeah, that stings.

Think about the moment he got to tell Lucy he got into Metro. He was over-the-moon. He talked about the "rockstar review" he received from Grey and Lucy confirmed it by telling him that he was amazing.

He actually wanted to go out and celebrate himself. Do you know how big that is for someone who grew up with trauma and abuse?

I still struggle with buying myself a dress that isn't off the thrift store rack because I don't know if it's worth it to spend money on myself after I was called selfish as a child. Tim had a father who beat into his head (literally) that he was worthless, without value, and broken.

But for one fleeting second, Tim felt like everything was right in the world. And now that memory is tainted.

Because he didn't earn his place. Right? His girlfriend manipulated it, word has somehow gotten out, and now he has to worry about his manipulation because nobody's going to believe he's good enough.

Tim is so in his own head about this that he can't see it through Lucy's lens. He only has his own, and he's frustrated and fumbling.

"I had to do something. You were miserable riding that desk. " "Okay. Fine. But how do you think that makes me look?" "What?" "How does that make me look? My girlfriend has to solve my problems for me?"

Tim relying on others has never been his strong suit. We know he doesn't ask for help. He doesn't think he deserves it, too often, but he also thinks it makes him look weak.

Again, this is side effects of the trauma he received as a child backed up by a society that emphasizes strong, tough men who don't cry because somehow emotion is a sign of weakness.

Also, can we talk about Tim calling her his girlfriend!? All I need now is for Lucy to introduce Tim as her boyfriend. Yes, I know she told Noah that Tim was in her bed, but I like hearing the labels from her because she's the one who always shied away from them.

Tim is different. But right now Tim is pissed.

"Please tell me this is not some fragile male ego thing." "That is not what's happening here."

He stated it at the top of the conversation—she went behind his back. She lied to him. She feigned ignorance when he told her about it. She manipulated the situation and he was left to find out about it from someone else.

I always wanted Tim to find out... but not like this. Yikes.

I also think Tim might feel like his place was handed to him instead of earned. He is mad that others are going to look at him like we do university students whose parents bribed the admissions' office... with skepticism that they should be there at all.

We, gentle readers, know that's not how it went down. But Tim is hurting and often when we are hurting we shut others out and stew. Tim's practically the king of that.

"Come on! We were just trying to help." "We? Who else was involved?" "Did I say we? Me. Me was trying to help. I was trying to help."

Girl, your ass was just saved by your Backseat Buddy. Although, listening to Lucy talk like Elmo for a second had me rolling.

Tim passes a glare Lucy's way, but she completely misses it. And something about the look that Eric Winter puts into his eyes is completely different from all the glaring Tim has done at Lucy in this Shop before.

And, yes, I'm aware that sounds mental. But it definitely feels more... personal. More raw. More hurt than angry.

Tim's Office

Before we go any further, I have to compare this to 5x09 when she stepped into Grey's office to tell Tim that she'd released the Fourth String Quarterback from her life.

She knocked at the door before coming in. But, here, she slips in as easily as she would her own home. There's comfort, here. Even though they're fighting, she doesn't feel unwelcome. She doesn't feel out of place.

And that confidence in their relationship is sexy as hell. Lucy isn't spiraling because they had a fight. She knows they will get through this. That they are worth it.

Tim's the one who said it back in 5x08 and now they are living it. Tim and Lucy are worth the risk.

"I get why you're angry. Even though you were miserable as court liaison and I spear-headed an almost impossible five person trade to save you, I shouldn't have done it all behind your back."

That was the first thing he said when he told her what was wrong. He was left out of the loop. He was lied to. By the one person he trusts most.

Remember how much I hated all the lying in that episode? Lying catches up to you, even if it's well-intentioned. I guess I don't feel so weird about being so bothered by it seeing that Tim is similarly bothered.

And Tim appreciates Lucy understanding why he is bothered.

"Is that an apology?" "Yes." "Good." "Noo."

I'm having whiplash between so many episodes... Post DOD chat and 5x09 first scene for the "Good". 5x08 for Lucy answering "yes" then "no" to Tim.

Seriously, I think my neurons temporarily short-circuited on that one, because I missed most of the rest of this the first time around, even with subtitles on (because I transcribe live while I watch).

"Because you never would have let me work my magic if I had told you. And then I would have ended up transferring to another station to save you from yourself. And... this worked out so much better. And if you can't see that I'm sorry not sorry."

I'm dying laughing at this. Simply because Lucy started as many sentences with "And" in a short span as I always do. Seriously. Take a look at these Metas. I'm not unaware.

But this is also so her. And when she's being this damn cute, it's hard for Tim to be mad.

That, and she's right. This did work out well, and whatever temporary feelings he has about it, they'll disappear with time. Because he did earn his place. He is amazing. And Lucy acted with love, even if she might not have done it in the best way.

Lucy is more important than the job to him. We already know that.

"Okay..." *giggle* "I accept your non-apology."

Oh, she knew she had him as soon as he cracked that smile. That's why she giggled. I love giggly-in-love-Lucy. It's one of my favorite things.

Like, Melissa O'Neil has imbued Lucy with the cutest giggle known to man, and I smile every time I hear it. It's like Pavlov's Bell, except instead of salivating, I'm beaming.

"Good." "Good."

Are we in a performance of The Court Jester, here? Much as I love that movie, I wasn't expecting to be thrown into it with Chenford. Not ever.

Wow, I need to watch that movie, again, soon. Trust me. Danny Kaye is a treasure.

"So, are we going to dinner or what?" "We are. But your outfit is missing a little something." "What?"

Our girl is fiiiine, Tim. What the hell are you talking about?

Lucy's eyes fall on the box, and she's completely surprised. Remember, this is the girl who had to convince Tim to buy his girlfriend Rachel a birthday present.

Valentine's isn't even a cake holiday, and Tim's here with a jewelry box for his woman?

Endgame. Energy. Tim and Lucy are meant to be, forever and ever.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Lucy looks at that man like she's ready to marry him right there in his office. The nicest thing he's gifted her before was a sweet final review. And when it comes to picking presents, he's been pretty awful.

Remember, Lucy has had a front-row view to his last three relationships. She didn't expect anything from Tim.

But it's not all those other women. It's Lucy. And since she's had a front-row seat in the past, she knows that this is different for Tim. Tim is doing something for her he wouldn't have done for the others.

And she knows that. She knows how much he loves her, even if they haven't yet said the words. And as she gazes up at him, savoring him before even glimpsing at the gift, she knows she loves him, too.

Because, no matter what he gave her, the gift is in the giving. Tim Bradford went out of his way to ensure she had a present to open. And she will remember how this moment feels the rest of her life.

And I'm now hyper-aware of all my "and" starting sentences.

Back to Tim and Lucy:

"Oh, wow. It's beautiful."

Whatever it is. Look, I don't mean to be cynical or critical, but I seriously have no idea what that necklace is, but I'm so happy Lucy loves it!

"Did you pick this out yourself?" "I did. is that shocking?" "No. You clearly have good taste."

Just wait until the ring, baby! Because we all know that can't be far behind!

And I'm not trying to marry them off, or anything. I'm just saying, we just got confirmation from the woman herself that Tim has good taste. So, when he takes a little trip to the ring counter, we know it's gonna be good.

And just as she once did with her best friend, who is now sadly gone, Lucy sweeps her hair out of the way so he can put the necklace around her neck.

Tim murmurs a "thank you" as Lucy starts to shift gears in her mind. He's standing amazingly close, his hands grazing her neck. He even ensures the charm is centered on her throat before pulling away.

That detail is so personal, and I'm curious if that was actor-choice, director-choice, or script-choice because it makes the moment for me.

"Do you want to skip dinner?"

No. She. Didn't. It's her "Do you wanna come in?" voice. Same cadence, too! Girl wants him just as bad now as she did then.

Tim looks to her, like he's briefly considering it.

"No. I'm hungry, and you're gonna need that fuel for later."

Chenford, meet makeup sex.

Tim touches her back as he shimmies out of his mini office (it really is the day for putting Timmy in Tiny places), leaving her breathless.

Her hand is already on her necklace, holding onto the charm—a physical touchstone to remind her of his love for her. Because he bought this gift for her.

The price tag doesn't matter. The intention does. He somehow did this surreptitiously as an act of love.

Lucy has never felt this loved. We know about the guy who made her sob in her car, the one who cheated on her while she was living with him, Nolan and his easy dumping of her, Emmett and his easy dumping of her, and then Curried Chris who loved an idea of her... not her.

Tim Bradford loves Lucy Chen. She smiles to herself as she follows after him because this mixed feeling of being turned on by an act of love is new. It's the layers that all her relationships before lacked.

Tim and Lucy walked into this relationship already very layered people with a layered relationship. So, it makes sense that their shared romance is also layered.

And they just survived their first fight as a couple. And they are stronger for it.

And... there are too many sentences starting with "and".

Thank you so much for reading and spending this time with me.

I've seen some folks on the Twitterverse complaining about a lack of kiss. Considering tonight might be the first time I remember seeing James and Nyla kiss, I'm not freaking out that we didn't get a kiss. We got a lot.

This episode was packed with Chenford moments. Sleeping together. Waking up together. Having each other's back. Lucy touching Tim every five seconds. First fight as a couple (because their first fight was the first day they met). A freakin' Valentine's Day gift, and it's a necklace. And Tim put it on her. And they're going to dinner, which means they've had reservations a while because they're a pill to get for big romance days.

[daysofrefuge]

Favors

Original fiction featuring my ocs, Graham and Kingfisher, and @bellygunnr's oc, Aiden.

-

Graham's not sure exactly why he agreed to let the new guy drive him.

Maybe because he almost bowled him over on the way out the door, maybe because the next bus would put him at work in over an hour, maybe because he could imagine how mad it must be making Kingfisher. Maybe it has something to do with a sketchy new neighbor with an honest-to-god eyepatch taking him across the city.

He feels awkward now, squeezing into the guy's - Aiden's - car. It's ...seen better days. That's a little too generous, but he doesn't want to think about how it might give out on them on the way. He already feels self conscious and nervous since he's packed in like a tuna in a sardine can and the suspension dipped when he got in.

He fidgets. Leg bouncing from where it almost touches the glove box, Graham decides not to comment on the box in the back or the way the whole thing looks like its history could catch up to them at any moment. It's yellow, or it used to be. Bad guys don't drive bright yellow cars, right?

They also don't play nice and field questions from nosey kids or look touched from every nice neighborly thing that happens to them.

Senora had called him vago when she had Graham bring him a casserole that could probably feed 5 guys Aiden's size. Kingfisher had assured him she didn't mean vagrant. "More of a stray. We seem to pick up a lot of those around here." It had said and Graham made a face to the screen before stomping off to hand Aiden several more pounds of food.

Now that he was in the guy's car, he felt bad for being a little wary. 

Aiden was nice, if skittish, but his stare was unnerving at first and he seemed to talk to himself. Not really anything bad, Graham had lived in enough cities and used public transportation, but the vibes were off sometimes. Something made danger ring in the back of his head. Sitting in the passenger seat let him study him discreetly, at least he thought.

"See something you like?" Aiden doesn't look up from the wheel, but works his jaw.

"Oh, sorry! I just, it's really nice of you to drive me. We barely know each other and you offered to take me to work." Graham exhales explosively. "Sorry, didn't mean to stare." He mumbles the last part.

Aiden seems to drop it, slouching a little and the tension in his jaw lessens.

"I mean it!" Graham says, because he never knows when to stop digging. "Saved me 40 minutes of waiting and then an hour on the bus."

Silence descends and both men seem to squirm in their seats. Graham fidgets and Aiden mulls over his words or scans the road for a spot to kick Graham and his big mouth out. Probably.

"I-." He starts and stops like he isn't sure of how to say what he wants to say. "If I'm not busy, and you need a ride to work sometime..." Aiden looks like he bit a lemon but is trying to make an offer despite the sourness flooding his mouth.

"I'll ask." Graham swoops in and nods. "And hey, if you need anything or ever want to grab a beer, I'm free! I mean I work days mostly, but it's nice to see another guy in the apartment, I mean not married with kids." Graham's blushing now, he's so bad at this. IT guys were not known for their social skills.

Aiden stops him from jumping out of the moving vehicle with a quiet chuckle. "Another movie maybe?"

"Hey! It was a good movie... To be fair that wasn't my idea." Graham huffs. They pull up to a stop light and he turns his head to find Aiden staring daggers at him. He probably doesn't mean it but he looks so intense sometimes. "Oh, uh. Yeah. Don't tell Kingfisher I told you, but it was worried and wanted you to socialize or get some air. It did the same to me when I first moved in. It's just like that."

"Hmm."

Graham slouches in the seat as much as he can and stays quiet for the rest of the trip. At least until Aiden breaks the quiet with a cough and asks where to go next.

It's not the worst ride to work he's had.

It is the strangest ride he’s had, by a country mile.

Graham directs Aiden to the lot closest to his building and thanks him as he gets out, only to whip his head around at the sound of the other door closing. 

Aiden is out of his car and flipping his collar up as he scopes the area with his one good eye. He looks like a guy in a spy movie swamped in that leather jacket as he is. Graham is confused, but is in a rush and can’t offer much more than another thanks.

“Alright, I’ll see you soon.” Aiden nods and looks right through him.

Graham finds himself mirroring his body language as he fidgets with his bag and tie. “Yeah, sure man. Thanks again.”

He hurries to his building only to turn and have lost track of Aiden completely on the sparsely crowded sidewalk. The beat up old yellow car sits patiently in its spot, a reminder that this was real. He doesn’t think much of it because he has meetings with supervisors and new partner associates that want him to do the impossible. After several hours of grinning and bearing it, he shuffles outside towards the bus stop and the eventual promise of a shower. He’s not quite swaying on his feet as he fumbles for his bus pass on his phone when a honk makes him jump. He looks over his shoulder only to double take at the yellow monstrosity waiting for him. When Graham takes too long to react, Aiden pops his head out the window and waves. When Graham takes another moment to comprehend that his weird neighbor hung out around his work all day to drive him home, Aiden starts waving a grease stained paper bag at him and yells, “I got burgers.” across the street.

He can’t help the laugh that startles out of him and he jogs over.

“You’re insane, you know this, right?” Graham laughs as Aiden quirks an almost-grin. He’s so intense as he looks Graham over. “You waited this long for me?”

“I was in the area. Don’t let it go to your head, Donnelly.”

“And you got me dinner, why Mr. York, how am I not supposed to let this go to my head?” He pushes off the car door and slides into the passenger seat.

“You’re paying for gas.”

“Deal, whatever, hand me that bag” Graham waves him off and reaches for the bag of fast food. “I’m starving.”

The ride back is nicer than the ride there. The ice broken once again, and this time Graham hopes Aiden’s mood won’t refreeze when they head their separate ways. He also hopes Kingfisher won’t lecture him about this later.

-

Kingfisher sounds the tone it uses to denote it wants Graham's attention over something important. Its waveform dances on the screen by the door and he stops making dinner to walk over.

"Mr. York is asking for you." Kingfisher does not sound happy. It isn't usually happy when it brings up the newest tenant in the building. This tone was new, reluctant, but there's worry in its voice.

"At 8 on a Tuesday? Did he say why?" He asks. Graham scratches at his neck and waits, eyeing the screen with confusion.

"When I pressed, he conceded that he needed another set of hands. I believe he is trying to change some bandages, though I cannot see into that apartment anymore."

Right, because one Aiden York moved in, went radio silent for three days, and tore out all of Kingfisher's eyes and ears in the room he was assigned.

"Okay."

"Okay?! That's all you have to say?"

"He gave me a ride to work. He's a weird guy, yeah, but he's nice."

"I didn't realize that's all it took to earn your trust. Maybe I should reevaluate your survival instincts." Kingfisher snaps. It was mad now, more orange than blue and the waveform spiking as the audio fuzzed.

"He's a tenant asking for help. How did he talk to you anyway?" Graham shot back, already slipping on shoes and heading to the bathroom for his own first aid kit. It came with the apartment under the orders of the motherhenning AI who was now trying to talk him out of using it.

"He opened his door, stuck his head out, and whispered at the ceiling." Kingfisher admits.

"Uh huh. How'd he look?"

Silence from K told Graham the AI was pouting, that Graham was objectively right, and it was mad about that.

"I'll bring my phone. You can call if you think he's killing me in there. Pout over here while I go help one of your tenants."

"Fine."

"There we go. Thank you, Kingfisher." Graham leaves and doesn't bother locking his door. "Need to schedule a play-date for you guys. You could give each other a chance." He mutters.

Kingfisher locks his apartment for him with a harsh click and Graham waves him off as he ascends the stairs towards Aiden's place.

[sam-loves-seb]

larry fucking seaver sounds like a hillarious fic to read and mama's boy gives off angsty vibes...at least for me

anyway I'd love to know more about them! I'm literally addicted to ur fics🤭

omg hi hello thank u for asking about my worksinthedocs post 💙 you're so sweet, i'm so glad you like my silly little stories

i'll tell you more about them under the cut

larry fucking seaver:

this one is a vignette style fic where it's just little scenes of mickey having to explain his life to larry and/or larry trying to help him in any way he can and mickey begrudgingly accepting it. like, it starts with larry driving mickey to the gallagher house after he gets released, and mickey has to explain to him that it's his boyfriend's house

(i'll give u a longer snippet of this one since i don't have much for the next one)

“So,” Larry pipes up just as some pop song on the car radio fades into a commercial. “It says here that…” He taps on the screen of his phone, reading something from where it sits in its little air vent clip on holder. “1955 South Trumbull is your address on file.” Larry glances over at Mickey. “Is that where we’re going today?” Larry fucking Seaver—of course he gets stuck with a goodie two shoes parole officer. Nothing could ever be easy, right? Mickey’s had parole officers before, most of them assholes, so he knows how to deal with the jerks, and the hard asses, and the fake tough guy routine he was expecting to get. Instead, he gets—whatever the fuck this guy is, and he doesn’t really know what to do with that. But that’s a thought for another time, because right now they’re passing under the L and turning into his old neighborhood, and the thought of going back to the house he was raised in makes his fucking skin crawl. “No. I don’t…” he trails off, the words dying on his tongue. He doesn’t want to go back, doesn’t want to face anyone or anything that might still be lingering between those walls, but he can’t say that. Not out loud, and definitely not to this walking pep talk of a parole officer he just met five minutes ago. “I don’t live there anymore.” “Not a problem, Mr. Milkovich—not a problem at all,” Larry reassures him, tapping his phone screen again after he comes to a stop at a red light. “I’ll just make a note in your file here… Okay! So—where to then?” Mickey hesitates. “North Wallace,” he says. “Take a left up here.” Larry lifts his hands from his phone with a small shrug, nodding to himself as he follows Mickey’s directions. “Okay.” They drive past Trumbull and Mickey doesn’t so much as turn his head to look down it. “Is this your house we’re heading to?” Larry asks, not skeptical, but… curious. Mickey sighs through his nose. “No.” “A relative?” Larry prompts, putting his blinker on and glancing over at Mickey again. “Or a friend, maybe?” And honestly, Mickey kind of hates this question, because this short answer would be yes—friend, lover, family, Ian’s been all of that to him and more for as long as Mickey can remember—but that’s not really the sort of answer Larry’s looking for, and Mickey doubts he could try and explain all that even if it was. He knows he never actually lived in the Gallagher house, not officially, not even technically, all those years ago, but right now that’s the only place Mickey wants to be. He doesn’t give two shits about the house, only cares about what’s inside—specifically, the tall redhead that still sleeps in the same twin-size bed he’s had since the fourth grade. Because the first thing most parolees do when they get out is go home, and, well—Ian Gallagher is the only real home that Mickey’s ever known. That’s a lot to reveal to a parole officer within the first hour of knowing him, Mickey thinks, but he figures he’s going to be seeing a lot of this guy, so he might as well be honest. Might as well get it all out in the open now. Mickey bites at the dry skin on his lip for a second before he finally says, “Boyfriend.” Larry doesn’t say anything. He blinks, then looks over at Mickey for a second too long. “It’s my boyfriend’s place,” Mickey says again, nails pressing into his palms as his hands curl into loose fists. “Well, his family’s. I guess.” For a moment it’s quiet, the only sounds coming from the steady flow of the air conditioning and some boyband singing on the radio. Mickey swallows. Larry taps his fingers against the steering wheel. “Huh,” Larry says mostly to himself. Then, a little louder, “Okay.” Mickey’s jaw visibly relaxes, and his shoulders drop a few inches as they pull onto North Wallace. The corner of Larry’s mouth quirks up into a grin. Mickey notices.

there's lots of other little scenes too (some i've written, some i haven't yet), like larry getting mickey the job at old army, mickey telling larry he and ian broke up--then telling him they're engaged, larry wanting to see pictures from the wedding, mickey and ian starting the weed security business and how that works with their parole, etc. etc.

but yeah. that's larry fucking seaver.

mama's boy:

this one is newer and still in an outline phase but it's not super angsty?? like it is, but it has a happy ending

it's basically a what if story, like what if: mickey's mom didn't die, she just left when they were kids. what if she's still out there somewhere, and sometime post-canon she's finally clean and sober and wondering about the kids she left behind all those years ago so she's slowly tracking them down one by one, and she shows up at apartment 218 one day to find a tall redhead answering the door that allegedly belongs to her son.

and mickey looks like he's seen a ghost, because he just assumed she fucked off and died somewhere outside of chicago, and that's why she never came back. but now she's here. in their apartment.

and she's telling him that his roommate seems nice and mickey's brain is still trying to process the fact that his mom is alive and sitting on his goddamn couch and she knows absolutely nothing about him.

so he tells her.

and it takes a while for mickey to loosen up around her, but ian is so excited for him, for both of them, because he knows what it's like to lose a mother--one that leaves--and as much as he hated monica, he loved her too, and he misses her more than he cares to admit

so he's not going to let his husband throw away a chance to have his mom in his life. not until he knows her a little bit first.

idk i just thought it was a neat idea, so. we'll see where i go with that one.

thanks for the ask! if anyone wants to know more about any of the fics in my worksinthedocs list, feel free to send me an ask 💙

[elgascreamslikehell]

WIP Wednesday

Cause it's still wednesday in Paris and I'm also in Paris.

I'm not tagging anyone but if you for some reason want to know where this is going - interact with this and I'll tag you next time!

***

Buck hears the door open and freezes, not entirely awake. Maybe it's already morning? Hell it's so uncomfortable not to see. He should have been more careful on that call. Ok, it's too quiet for morning, so it should be still night. He finds his phone and turns it on.

'Five hours thirty six minutes', - it's totally not morning. But… he could swear he heard the door. Who could it be? 

Buck leaves the bed, finds the bat - kinda funny Eddie keeps it here - and goes to the hall 

'Who's there?!', - well, what else can he do right now? Attack first, ask later could be rude! And blind attacks could totally break something. The answer leaves him unarmed: 'Buck… put my bat down, it's me'.

'Eddie? What are you doing here?', - Buck was pretty sure he'll come back only in the morning. Or even the next day, after the shift. 

'I live here', - Eddie smiles. Even not seeing Buck can tell, something in Eddie's voice is changing when he smiles: 'I know. I mean… Didn't you have a date?'

There's this noise when Eddie puts off his jacket before he speaks: 'Yes. I had a date. Now I'm here.', - usually, in Buck's mind, dates with this context don't end up in the middle of the night, so he says it: 'I thought you'd stay there'

Pause

'Well, i did not. Put the bat away, Buck, and go back to sleep, I'm sorry i woke you up'

'You didn't answer our texts, Chris was worried!',- actually, Buck was much more worried after all but hardly likely it makes sense.

'I know. I apologize in the morning. Now I just want to lie down. So let's postpone this talk, okay?' 

Something in his voice sounds wrong but Buck can't guess what specifically

'Okay… everything is fine? I mean…', - how did the sex go, that's what he means. But who asks this kind of question? 

'Evan, please…', - he is really tired and needs to think about a lot of stuff. And take an Advil. Discussion is just not on the table now

'Fine. I can wait for you, if you want', - it's really strange how fast Buck creates a habit to sleep with Eddie using him as a big comforter. Giant pillow. Enormous hugging toy. Eddie just emits coziness and calmness. Not that it doesn't bother Buck but to be honest not that it's bothering him that much

'Not today. Sorry. By the way, can I use your car?'

'Well, yes, it's still at the station but I'll give you the keys. Why?'

'I need to go to the mall. Buy a new phone', - now there should be a pretty fucking good explanation and Buck demands it: 'I meant why you can't use your car but now i also have a question about your phone. Is everything ok?'

Pause

'Well, there's a possibility I've got into some accident and broken my car. And lost my phone. And..',- Buck hears Eddie stumbles: 'And also got a light concussion'

Buck freezes: 'Excuse you? Accident? Concussion?', - Chris was right. Something was totally wrong. 

'It's nothing, really. Some bruises and this, i had a pretty good safety system as you know'

'Eddie..', - Buck tries, he really tries to be calm: 'What the hell are you talking about?', - well, he did try. He just didn't succeed.

'There's a big slam on the highway. Some trucks collapsed, twelve cars were affected.. there was 133 and our b-shift, so i helped for some time and then i was caught by captain Mehta and sent home', - Buck is mad. Like really mad: 'He sent you home?! Not to the ER?!'

Eddie laughs: 'I might say I have a personal first responder at home. I might miss the fact he's blind. And he checked me, so I'm fine. Just a little dizzy'

'You go to bed. With me. Don't argue. I need to control your state.'

Eddie keeps quiet for some time

'Fine. I'm too exhausted for this now. And too dizzy'

'I can call an ambulance', - actually that's a good idea, thinks Buck. Why the hell did you come home instead of the ER? Why the hell were you even driving somewhere??

'But what's with Eric then?'

'Oh fuck… I'll call him tomorrow'

'Eddie. I mean, you were on a date. How did you end up in the car crash?'

'Doesn't matter. Hell'

Buck hears him holding onto the wall and goes forward to catch his hand: 'I've got you', - that phrase gives Eddie a sad smile, fortunately Buck can't see it: 'Thanks, Evan'

***

[khaopybara]

get to know me 🐝

i saw this, thought, 'this is fun, i'll do this later,' and proceeded to completely forget about it. thank you @sherrymagic and @chinzhilla for tagging me! i might take a little bit, but i eventually get there, and i had fun answering these.

do you make your bed? - nope. i remember one time when i tried making it into an habit, but to no avail.

what's your favourite number? - lucky number 3.

what is your job? - as of right now, i'm studying. i also occasionally translate articles and school papers (i know, surprising).

If you could go back to school would you? - honestly? yeah.

can you parallel park? - yes, but only if there are no cars behind me wanting to get through.

a job you had that would surprise people? - i don't know if it's surprising but i worked in a police station for like a year and a half during law school. it was actually my internship, but i did everything, so i will say it counts.

do you think aliens are real? - absolutely.

can you drive a manual car? - we learn how to drive in manual cars where i live, so yes. i do have an issue with inclines, though, but i can do everything else.

what's your guilty pleasure? - what is even a guilty pleasure, fr. nothing comes to mind, to be honest, and trust me i pondered over this for like almost 10 minutes.

tattoos? - unfortunately no. i do want to a haku on his dragon form on my shoulder, though.

favourite colour? - yellow.

favourite type of music? - pop, k-pop, r&b are genres i always go back to. during only friends, i started listening to a lot of alt/indie rock because of sand and khaotung's songs recommendations.

do you like puzzles? - as in jigsaw puzzles? yes. crosswords can be fun. i grow frustrated quite easily especially when there's a difficult puzzle on a video-game, so if i can't figure it out, i just skip it and move forward with my life.

any phobias? - i'm insanely scared of frogs (just found out it's an actual phobia, ranidaphobia). i guess claustrophobia, too, to some degree.

favourite childhood sport? - volleyball and handball. i was so good at those, but i got injured and had to quit.

do you talk to yourself? - yes, especially when i'm driving or riding my motorcycle.

what movie(s) do you adore? - i was thinking about this the other day, how all my favorites change depending on what phase i'm in, but the one constant has always been spirited away (2003, hayao miyazaki). i guess it's bc it's one of the first movies i ever watched that i could see myself in the protagonist, and it was the first one i could pinpoint as being my favorite. the ones i've been liking as of the last six months are la sociedad de la nieve and bottoms.

coffee or tea? - tea. any type of tea. coffee only if it's with milk (i'm lactose intolerant, but we ignore that)

first thing you wanted to be growing up - a dentist.

also another funny thing about me, i don't usually tag people in anything bc i'm like apprehensive that i'll be imposing on them (i don't feel like y'all are imposing on me when i get tagged, i feel really great actually, so i don't know why my brain just assumes that i'm the annoying one), but do feel free to do this and tag me if you wish to.

[memes-saved-me]

I'm sick so here's something from August I love and find satisfying. Tw: child abuse referenced and some violence

"Billy's papa is bad," she said and for the first time in about 30 minutes Steve actually heard what the group of kids in his back seat were saying. He watched the reactions of the others through the rear view mirror as the car went quiet. "He hurt him."

That hit Steve right in the chest, his stomach dropped. Unsure what to do he turned on the radio, something Mike and Will seemed very thankful for but when he pulled up outside the Wheeler's and waved to Mike he didn't drive as fast as usual.

Once a street or so away he turned the stereo dial back down. "What was it you were saying about Billy?"

"I just mentioned how we should check in on Max because she seems distant after what happened," Will replied.

"You said something about his dad," Steve pushed a little more. "About his dad hurting him."

"When I went into Billy's head I saw his mom. She was just like him but she left him and his papa hurt him," Eleven answered with a hint of tears in her voice.

"How?" he asked hesitantly.

"He hit him. A lot. Billy was angry because he was scared."

Steve took a deep breath as everything snapped into place and then nodded, turning the dial back up and pushing the speed limit so he could drop them off and then deal with whatever was screaming inside his chest. He smiled and waved to the two of them as they opened the front door to their home but the second it closed he broke.

Sobs erupting as he clung to the steering wheel. Overwhelmed by the guilt, his heart ripping in two all over again as he realised it all made sense.

All those bruises and scars, the hisses when his hands brushed over raw skin or fractured ribs. The look he got when Steve asked what happened. How he rushed off in the night to get home before the morning or the hushed cries in the dark when they had sex.

Why hadn't he found out? Pushed for an answer or told him he wouldn't tell, make him feel safe enough to say something. He could have helped. Done something. Changed everything if only he had known.

He wanted to scream but instead he pulled out of the driveway, turning to go home when he paused. Pulled over and thought about everything all at once.

Whatever they had been was messy, unsure and complicated but that didn't stop it from hurting. Burning a hole in Steve's chest as he dealt with a secret no one else knew. Mourning for someone everyone believed he disliked but in reality some days he thought he might have been in love with the bastard but that was now an unanswered question.

Yet, that anger began to fester in his stomach. Twist and choke him until he was speeding through Hawkins knowing exactly where he was going. When he pulled up outside he saw that truck Billy would turn tale and hide from parked around the back so he turned off his engine.

If he was honest he didn't know what he was going to do as his finger pushed the bell. Hands shaking waiting for someone to answer but when the door swung open to reveal the man he had thought about murdering the entire ride there he acted on emotion.

Without thinking about it at all his fist met Neil Hargrove's nose sending the grown man stumbling backwards into his own coffee table. The shock on his face as he looked at Steve being enough to send him into some sort of self righteous rage.

"Who do you think you are?" he rushed at Steve, nose bleeding but he was too quick. Before he could even touch him Steve had him on the ground staring up at him.

"Do you even know who I am?" Steve kicked him in the chest to keep him down. "Do you know who my father is? What my family can do to you? I'll make sure everyone in this town knows what you did."

"Don't you dare threaten me," his eyes were seething, ready to choke Steve out and bury his body in the woods but he couldn't get up. Everytime he tried Steve was there to stop him.

"You're a piece of shit and I want you gone. I want you out of this town or I'll make your life a living hell. No job, no home and no happy little family when I'm done. I will ruin you."

He stepped back glancing for a split second to see he was close enough to the door to make a run for it if needed but Neil didn't move. That was when he saw the open door of Billy's room, boxed piled around his bed. Something he thought might calm him but instead only enraged him.

"You better make some sorry excuse to leave. Alone. Leave Max and her mother and go. Get the fuck out of here and if I ever see your pathetic child beating ass around here again I'll finish this."

He didn't wait for a response. He turned and closed the door behind him, fist aching as he stretched his fingers and checked the marks on his knuckles. Car keys ready and back in the ignition to take off before someone saw him.

A deep satisfaction washing over him as the tears started again. He couldn't help Billy but he wasn't going to let that bastard get away with what he did, even if he was going to call the cops Steve didn't care. His family lawyers would sort that and most importantly he would tell them why he went there in the first place. He couldn't just sit and let him pretend as if Billy never existed.

Billy deserved justice for so many things but Steve couldn't fight the Mindflayer but he could get the other monster that hurt the boy he now missed more than most.

[carlyyyyxbishhop]

Love me like I haven't changed // Shayne Topp // 4

four // Kate

It was raining the next Saturday. The day was gloomy with dark grey clouds that hung over my head. And yet, I was still on my way to the beach. To be honest, I didn't want to go this particular Saturday. I had just had a fight with my mother about coming home for my birthday and work had been a shit fight all week.

But as I approached the stairs at the top of the beach, I looked down and I saw him. I couldn't help but smile. He was the only reason I had dragged myself out of bed that morning, just to see if he'd come. He had his back to me but I could see he was drenched from the rain, just as I was.

"I didn't think you'd come," I said as I reached him. He turned around, already smiling at me as he did so.

"You said rain, hail or shine," His hair sat flat on his forehead and his face had droplets of rain falling from it.

"If I'm being honest I wasn't going to come today," I started, "But the thought of you possibly standing here waiting for me made me come." He frowned slightly.

"Are you alright? We don't have to swim today if you don't want to." He offered, his face serious.

"No, I'm fine. Honestly, swimming here is even better when it's raining. Let's just hope there's no storm." He held his stern face for a second before letting a small smile creep across his face.

"Only if you're sure," He reasoned. I didn't bother responding, just taking off my jumper as my final answer. He shrugged his shoulders in response and followed suit.

"Are we pretending to be mermaids this week?" He asked, trying to hold back a laugh.

"Well... are you still scared of the cold?" I replied playfully.

"No I guess not," He threw his shirt onto the pile of clothes I had just made, "But, I'm always down for a race." And with that, he sprinted toward the water. I laughed, following behind as he dove under.

When I came up for air he was already laughing.

"I don't know what it is about you but you make me feel like a kid again." He admitted playfully.

"I'm not afraid to act like a kid," I replied, "I mean I have to be so serious from 9 to 5 Monday to Friday, why not let loose on the weekend." I looked toward him with a smile.

"So I guess I'm a kid 24/7 then." I cocked my head to the side, realising I didn't really know a lot about the guy.

"What do you do for work, might I ask?"

"I'm an internet personality on a YouTube channel." He looked away, as if almost embarrassed to say it.

"Why did you say it like that?" I ask the unfiltered question.

"Like what?"

"Like you're embarrassed or something." He looked back toward me and then away again.

"I don't know... sometimes people have weird reactions when they hear that." He looked back at me and I smiled.

"Seems pretty cool to me," I offered, "I mean I would love to get paid to be silly." He smiled again.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool." He echoed back.

"I-" I began, but paused after a crack of thunder sounded over our heads. Shayne's eyes widened and his smile dropped.

"Shit, do you think it's going to storm?" He asked, looking toward me with worry painted across his face.

"The forecast didn't say anything about a storm," The thunder sounded again, "But maybe we should cut it short, just to be safe." I offered. He nodded in agreement and I followed him back to shore.

As we reached our clothes, the heavens opened and the rain started to pour down. He laughed for a second, and I smiled back.

"Do you walk here?" He asked, raising his voice slightly over the sound of the rain hitting the water nearby.

"Yeah, I don't live far from here."

"I'll drive you home." He said as he picked up his shirt and his keys from underneath, he then reached down and picked up my jumper for me.

"No it's fine, I'm already wet anyway," I reasoned as I pulled my pants up my legs.

"Don't be silly," He started, "Come on my cars just over there." He handed me back my jumper as I pulled my bag over my shoulder.

"Okay," I smiled and followed closely behind him. The rain didn't ease up as we made it to his car. He ran around to the passenger side, opening the door for me.

"Thanks," I said quietly, he probably didn't even hear it over the rain pounding down on the car. I put my bag down on the floor in front of me and grabbed out my phone as he ran around to the drivers side. It sounded silly but I wanted to have some form of communication with me considering I had met this guy 3 times before getting in his car.

He pulled the door closed behind him and turned to look at me, letting out a small laugh.

"My god, we're soaked." He choked out between laughs.

"Sorry about your car seats," I said, "They're gonna be soaking too after this." He turned to grab his seatbelt, I followed.

"Don't be silly, they'll dry." I watched as he put his keys in the ignition, turning on the windscreen wipers.

"Are you cold?" He asked, reaching for the air conditioning controls. I shook my head no, "I'll turn the heat on anyway, just in case." I nodded in response.

"So where am I headed?" He asked, briefly looking down at his phone.

"Here," I put out my hand, "I'll type it into your phone." He looked over and smiled before passing me his phone with the maps app open. I typed in my address and handed the phone back to him.

"Oh, I don't live far from you." He said once he saw the address. I smiled in response, "Do you like the area?" He asked as he put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking spot.

"It's hard to say really," I looked out the window to my right, "I haven't lived there long enough to have an opinion of it." He nodded in agreement.

"I would say, having lived in many parts of LA, it's the nicest area I've ever lived in." He looked over at me with a smile. I watched him relax into his chair as he drove out of the parking lot, he dropped one arm to rest on the car door next to him. He was rather attractive when he was driving.

"That's good to know, I'm glad I chose one of the nicest places to live without having any prior knowledge of it." He chuckled.

"Had you ever been to LA before you moved?" I liked the way he took charge of the conversation, it seemed like he had definitely warmed up to me.

"No," I started, "Without going too far into it, my mother never left the state with me until I was 18 and had my own money to do what I wanted. And even then, I wasn't allowed to go far. My friends and I did a few road trips here and there, but never far." I answered truthfully.

"Did you drive here when you moved?" He asked.

"Yeah, I packed all my belongings into my car and drove by myself." He nodded with furrowed brows.

"Must've been a tough move then."

I sighed, "Yeah for sure." I looked out the windscreen as we neared my street.

"It's just the next left, and then wherever you can stop is good." He nodded, flicking on the indicator.

"So can I trust that you'll be at the beach again next Saturday?" I asked, trying to change the topic of conversation.

"Yeah," He huffed a laugh, "I think so." He looked over to me with a sly smile.

"Perfect," I answered, my hand reaching for the door handle as he slowed the car to a stop, "Well thanks for the lift. I'll see you next week." I looked back to him with a smile that he returned.

"You'll definitely see me next week Kate." We continued smiling to each other as I opened the door and picked up my bag. I turned around once I was out of the car and leaned down to look at him.

"Bye Shayne," His smile widened.

"Bye Kate." And with that, I pushed the door shut and gave him a small wave.

[polikuro]

I don't post much, mostly because no one's following me here but I just need to get some things off my chest.

Seb has been a part of my life for the past 15 years. A very huge part to be honest. I still remember being all grumpy when we had to leave for my grandparents on race day. I said no to so many plans that were happening on sundays just because I didn't want to miss a race.

I remember his first win like it was yesterday. The biggest fucking smile on my face all day. I was talking about him all the time. My parents and friends couldn't have cared less but he brought me joy.

And then Abu Dhabi 2010 came and I cried like a baby. I don't think I've felt these emotions before him. Pure bliss and pride most of all. Then everything that followed during his red bull years. His pace was out of this world.

2014 which was hard and then the move yo Ferrari. His fucking dream team ! The hope I felt that he would be able to win a championship again. The hard times that followed. Hockenheim, then the downfall at Ferrari where I felt like he wasn't appreciated enough.

And then the past years with Aston which weren't what we hoped for but he kept fighting. And ever since he announced his retirement, 3 days after I saw him at le Castellet might I add, he's just been driving incredibly ! He's doing it for himself and for all of us. One last time.

I'm hopeful Abu Dhabi will be a great race for him because I'd be sad to see him go on a bad race after what he's done this year. But no matter what, he gave it his all.

I'll miss him. Damn, I'll miss him like crazy. I won't have to say no anymore. Won't have to wake up at 5 in the morning to watch practice or the race. Won't be so fucking damn stressed during the start. Won't have to get mad at the strategist or other drivers that ruin his race. But I also won't be able to enjoy the good times. I won't get that rush of adrenaline every time he passes a car brilliantly. I won't smile like a mad girl when he gets on a podium or wins a race.

But you know what I'll miss the most ? The man himself. The way he speaks, the way he stands up for what he believes in. The hard worker that stays with his mechanics till late in the evening. I'll miss his helmets and his damn oversized T-shirts stating the obvious. I'll miss his laugh and his goofiness. I'll miss his relationships, with Mick, with Lewis, with Charles. Even his relationship with Christian and Helmut. I'll miss his stupid jokes on the radio and his awful singing. I'll miss his eyes crinkling when he's being cheeky and his huge smile. I'll miss all of it.

Just like Michael was his hero, he is mine and I'll forever be grateful I got to see him win four titles, 53 (54!) race wins and everything he achieved.

I'm already way too emotional and the weekend hasn't even started yet. I'll probably cry a lot but I know we'll get to see him again. At the race of champions, maybe at Le Mans one day.

But for now, he gets to enjoy his family, his mountains, his chicken. I'll miss you dearly my darling Seb. Take care of yourself.

[deebsparty]

I'm confused. The guy I've been in love with for over 2 years told me the other day he'd give me a chance if I "mature." Which to him means go to college, get a good paying job, learn to drive, and buy a car. These are things I've been working up too. I have numerous mental health issues which make these things hard for me. I am on disability currently. I do not think I will ever be able to get off it. I use to work. For over 8 years I tried. I could hold down a job but just barely. I was almost fired multiple times from the two jobs I did have bc of my attendance. I hardly went to work bc the thought of going terrified me. And when I was at work I'd get anxious to the point I'd have panic/anxiety attack. Co-works and bosses would have to stop what they were doing to help me. My physical health was affected by the stress working caused me. For over a year I couldn't hold down a meal. I tried to explain all this to him. I really did. And I think he understands. But I'm unsure if he'd still date me. He didn't say me staying on disability was a hard no for him but he never said he'd be okay with it either. He made a comment in the past about if I needed to be on disability and I let it slide. It did hurt my feelings. But I didn't want to explain all this to him at that time bc I was afraid of what he'd say. He also has mental health issues. But they do not interfere with his ability to work. I can work on driving. That's something I do need to do. I feel bad that my Mom has to drive me everywhere. I'm just scared I won't be able to focus and end up hurting someone. Or I'll have an anxiety/panic attack and crash. I could careless if I get hurt. I just don't want to hurt someone else. I'm unsure if I even want to do these things to have a chance at dating him. Bc I feel like he's saying something is wrong with me the way I am rn. And even if I do, do the things he wants what will happen when he finds out about my symptoms? Will he want me to change those first too? I'm working on improving them. But it's hard for me to go to busy places and places I've never been before and meet new ppl and stuff like that. And I'm sensitive to loud noises. So I get scared easily. When I go to a new place or a place that's busy or I meet new ppl most of the time I start to sweat. And it's v noticable. That's something I cannot change. Sometimes I get so overwelmed and we have to leave the place I'm at. Not to mention I'm v overweight (which he knows). But I'm not in v good shape. So walking long distance is hard for me. I'm working on that too. I can walk 2 blocks now! It doesn't sound like a lot but from where I started it is. My one dog (who is also v overweight), my Mom, and I go on walks now. I'm trying to improve but I'm scared I'll never be enough for him. I'm not sure what to do. What would you do?

It sounds like it’s a complicated situation, but to be completely honest, I think I would stop pursuing a relationship with him. It’s fine that he wants x and y in a partner, but I don’t think it’s right for him to make you to feel like you need to do those things only in hopes that he might want to be with you in the end. You should do those things at a pace that works for you and because you want to do them and they will improve your life for whatever reason. And I don’t think, especially if you see yourself being on disability for the foreseeable future, I would ever consider being with anyone who had even a slight issue with that. I think you would be better off with someone who is more supportive and understanding of you the way that you are right now, willing to change or not.

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hi. I really admire your writng and love all your fic very much. Really,as a reader i cant wrap my head around how incredible your writing are. But as a fellow writer, it got me thinking how you balance your day working-personal life-reading-writing. I just enter corporate life and it was exhausting. How do you manage your time to write and is it hard for you to keep your interest in writing while working?

Thank youu and no, i think your chrismast deco look very beautiful. If I visit your house i would love staying around the tree with a dim light and a warm tea.

Thank you so much for the message. That's incredibly kind of you. You are welcome for a cup of tea any time!

I will break down my day under the read more.

05:40 - partner wakes up for work (waking me up) 06:10 - partner leaves for work and I get up 07:00 - in the car to work 07:30 - at work. I don't get paid until 08:30 but I literally would not be ready for the kids if I came in at that time, plus I'm already awake (and definitely a morning person). I'm usually alone in the class until around that time so I tend to have an audiobook on while I'm getting the class ready. I teach in a different classroom every single day, so I have to be organised. 16:00 - finish work 16:30 - home for a cup of tea and usually go on social media/write 18:00 - cook dinner which usually takes about an hour After that, I either spend time with my partner, read, or write. The only day I haven't written something was when I had to be at work until nearly 9pm for a halloween party, but generally, I write every single day. I will be honest in that I don't really have a social life. I've only really got one friend and she lives 60 miles away. I cancelled my gym membership because I hate going after work in winter and I've been so ill for the last couple of months that it was a waste of money. At the weekends, my partner and I might go to a coffee shop or a walk, but most of the time I am writing. It's nothing I have to force. I look forward to writing every single day. If I found it a chore, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes, I am super tired from work too and have a low output, but in those times I'll lay on the bed or take a bath with some music on and still be imagining scenarios. If you are exhausted, don't push it. If I've imagined a scene enough then I know exactly how it will play out to make the writing easier. My brain almost thinks in a writer mode now, like instead of seeing the scene, I'll also be narrating it.

I am constantly thinking about my writing. When I drive, I am imagining scenarios/dialogue. If I go for a walk alone, my headphones are on to dissociate and imagine. For me, it's all consuming. Weirdly, none of my new colleagues know I have any books and I've just mentioned it in passing to my family because we're not close and they don't really care. Even my partner has no clue about character names or anything because he hasn't read them. It's got to the point where I have RSI in my hand from typing so much. Today, I've written about 5000 words and have written 100k words for a single book since October.

It is hard for me to switch off sometimes. I do wonder if I have some sort of ADHD because I have to be doing something at all times. When I'm at work for my planning time, I'm usually doing all 8 jobs on my to do list at the same time, like this page is loading so I'll start this email then go back to that lesson plan then reply to that other person. I cannot just sit and watch tv, I either have to be sewing, or writing by hand, or typing. The only time I do nothing is when I sleep lmao. I've always been that way though.

In terms of reading, I've really struggled this year. Most books have been 2/3 star reads for me - which is really unlike me. I'm usually super generous with 5 stars. I've had to force myself to sit and read a lot because I'll just scroll on my phone otherwise when I'm bored.

I wish I had kids, but I don't, and thankfully my partner also cooks and cleans so if its his turn to cook, I can carry on writing. Sometimes it has caused arguments so I try to make a conscious effort to put my laptop down and spend quality time together. Writing is just everything to me. I love it. It's all I ever want to do. But, I'm also not a night person, so my laptop is usually off before 9pm and I'm asleep by half past 9 nearly every night ha.

[estbela]

For the Send me a character and a number ask game: some questions for Bulgaria:

1, 5, 8, 9, 12 and 18 :)))

thank you so much for asking!!! :]

Something this character is truly proud of.

His days in his youth as an empire, getting his independence after being part pf the Ottoman Empire for so long and the accomplishments of his people!

5. A cherished personal belonging.

Bul is a very sentimental guy in my opinion, and has a rather hard time letting go of...anything, really, so I suppose he has a lot of those. His house is probably cluttered with a lot of these kinda things, keepsakes and such. He can't throw any of them out cause several of them mean a lot to him, and if they don't (at least, not anymore) they still have a good story to tell. To give an example, in the 19th century, he & Ro were dating and had been for some time, and were keen on getting married(aka uniting). Anyway, Bul gave Ro a ring as a way of asking for his hand basically(will talk about that one day, or perhaps write). Ro gave Bul a brooch, one in the shape of a rose. He has kept it all those years, even when Ro & him broke up and weren't on good terms, even if it hurt to look at. He wears it sometimes, rarely, cause usually he doesn't really have anywhere fancy enough to go wearing it.

8. What kind of car they would drive. 

I dunno much about cars, I'll be honest, but I'll try my best with this one. I'm guessing not a partciulary fancy or expensive car, enough to get him from point A to point B. Perhaps a regular family car, with 4 seats. I don't know *shrugs*

9. What calms them when they are upset.

When he's upset...it depends. Sometimes he drinks(or smokes), sometimes he goes to tend to his garden, he might try to hang out with his loved ones. Sometimes he reads. Sometimes, in the current era, he plays video games.

12. How they sleep.

Badly, probably. He has that thing, where, no matter how much or how he sleeps or whatever, he'll wake up exhausted, so he's almost always a bit tired. He doesn't move a lot when sleeping, and can probably fall asleep anywhere if he wants to. He does have a habit of not sleeping, or well, he used to in the past (nowadays he's, well, too tired already to actually try doing that), and instead would work or do anything other than sleeping.

18. Special talents they have

He's really good with plants, especially roses. I think he can probably play some instruments, although I'm not sure which. He's kinda good at writing(stuff like poems & short stories), maybe. I dunno if this counts as a talent, but I think he knows a lot about stuff like biology, chemistry and medicine, in general, knows lots about the natural sciences. Might not be a talent but I'm adding that anyway. (I can elaborate more about it if you want :] )

The ask game

[millenniumcelebration]

thank you bestie @cajolions for the tag!!

Tag someone you want to get to know better! Or just check in with. Fall's a busy time of year.

Favorite color: red!! this is because i was obsessed with cirque du freak as a kid and mr. crepsley's favorite color is red so i said mine was too but genuinely i do like it a lot lol

Last song: umm i really only listen to music when i'm driving (i just got a "new" car and bluetooth is a game changer tbh. yes i am ten years late to any technology advancement)...i wanna say it was poor child from the wild party

Last movie: i almost never watch movies so i have been wracking my memory to try to figure this out. i'm pretty sure it was titanic a few months ago when my roommates were trying to find it online. so i lent them my dvd and stuck around to watch with them

Currently watching: star trek lower decks, call the midwife s11 (and apparently s12 just hit netflix so i'm really behind now oops), and i'm about to start the new taskmaster season while i have lunch! (or not, apparently it's not on youtube until 4pm and my usual alternate site isn't working. tragic.) oh, and my covid-induced saddle club rewatch that i need to go back to LOL

Other stuff I watched this year: i have not been super on the ball with media this year to be honest- i just haven't had much motivation for it. i'm always watching star trek so i guess strange new worlds and picard were both airing this year? i don't remember when the last taskmaster season was out? i've definitely watched assorted stuff on disney+ too (strange world and howard are the major ones i remember)

Shows I dropped this year: i don't think i've dropped any because i haven't really...started any...although dr who is making a return soon i guess and i'm genuinely not sure if i'll bother to watch it or not (though rtd2 has me so intrigued...what kind of trainwreck will we get and will it be funny)

Currently reading: i've actually been reading more than watching stuff this year! feels good. currently i'm on a gathering of shadows which is from some new adult series a coworker recommended- definitely not high art (and i'm annoyed that book 2 is starting to push the het romance that i was so relieved never went anywhere in book 1) but it's a fun magical world to read about without having to put too much thought into. i've also been reading the heart of our cities insanely slowly for the last year and i'm partway through a chronicles of narnia (re)read because i never read all of them in order as a kid. and technically i was reading game of thrones book 2 but it's just so fucking long i could not summon the willpower to continue, but i might go back to it eventually

i'm tagging @hot-cocoa-daydream and if anyone else reads all this and wants to pretend i tagged you feel free lmao

[hildegardladyofbones]

I need to rant, so scroll if you're not interested in my personal life

I love art school to death and back but they've GOT TO get their shit together. They promise schedules for the new school years mid-august but always give them to us on the last possible minute. I know for most students this isn't a problem, but because I am homeschooled and because art school is one of the reasons I am homeschooled (i live 50min away from the city), the lack of knowledge of what to expect makes arranging stuff for regular school that much harder.

Every year we have to debate and negotiate to have regular school be as bearable as possible for me, which is already difficult because I clearly have at least one brain disorder but have no diagnoses (is that the plural of diagnosis?) So they pretty much mean nothing. And seeing how long it took for a stereotypical 5yo boy with adhd to get diagnosed, if I want to get diagnosed for autism (because lets be honest, no one is going to diagnise me with misophonia), I'll probably be finished with that once ive graduated which was when i was planning to get diagnosed anyway, because then i have to go to a Big school and it might make my life easier if my teachers knew What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me.

Me being fully homeschooled is out of the question as well because my countryside-20-student school can't do that, so for some topics I still have to go to school (like music and russian) which fucks up my productivity. Besides, if left tto my own devices, I will not complete anything. I also can't go back to school, because sensory issues and the lack of options for me to get to art school. Me and my mom have landed on the option of me going to school only on the days on which I don't have art school, which is why it sucks we don't have the schedule yet and won't have until like the 30th or something.

They're very lazy about other things too, like the details about art camp which is only a bit more than a week away. Fuck, I don't even know how im gonna get there, because it's in a town that's 15min away from where I live so it makes more sense for my mom to drop me off, because otherwise I'd have to drive by car to art school (50mins) and then go by bus to that town (1hr) but they haven't responded yet.

Art school has given me some of my favourite memories, but I'd be a lot less stressed if they stopped inhaling paint fumes.