#i'll know as we get more songs. see if any other song puts new lyrics to the same melody

[red-dyed-sarumane]

anyway like i started saying over there i think its interesting that in all the other songs that have the nami no ne no melody (excluding aru sekai shoushitsu itself obviously) its mixed into the instrumental somewhere. however. in oumen mokushiroku theres none of it in the instrumental. its in the final lyrics of the song.

so. in the other songs the charas who can still repeat/still have their humanity intact have the melody in their songs. at first i was saying like thats interesting that the oumen mokushiroku chara would count as a human given shes an angel, both in depiction & the sound of the song works with that same style

but now im thinking. its not passive in that song. its lyrics. so i wonder if that's to say that the angel is at least partially responsible for this world to be able repeat in on itself infinitely. we know she can't do anything while the disaster is ongoing both from her own song and others like canon, but thats not to say she cant do anything before or after it settles down. and we know from her song that she very clearly wants to do something about the situation. so i think its very possible that the only thing she can do to help is to give them another chance to fix things.

which is then to say is that also how charas like the laboratory chara can no longer repeat. that theyve strayed too far away from her, or like got too ahead of themselves or something that now theyre on their own, sacrificed themselves to the point they cant be helped in the only way that was previously possible

[lesbicosmos]

six of crows is so incredibly hozier coded and to prove it ive assigned each character/couple a song and given a specific section of the lyrics

(i feel entirely normal about this i swear)

the books in general are 100% eat your young

There's money to be made, whatever's still to come Get some Pull up the ladder when the flood comes Throw enough rope until the legs have swung Seven new ways that you can eat your young Come and get some Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

kaz brekker - arsonist's lullabye

When I was 16, my senses fooled me Thought gasoline was on my clothes I knew that something would always rule me I knew the scent was mine alone All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

inej ghafa - would that i

With the war of the fire My heart moves to its feet Like the ashes of ash I saw eyes in the heat Feel it soft and as pure as snow Fell in love with the fire long ago With each love I could lose I was never the same Watch it still live in roofs Be consumed by the flame I was fixed on your hand of gold Lay in waste of my lovin' long ago

jesper fahey - someone new

There's an art to life's distractions To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through Some like to imagine The dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way

wylan van eck - through me (the flood)

Any time I've struggled on Against the course Out on my own Every time I'd burn through the world, I'd see That the world, it burns through me

nina zenik - angel of small death and the codeine scene

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

(this is so nina post-parem)

matthias helvar - foreigner's god

Her eyes look sharp and steady Into the empty parts of me But still my heart is heavy With the hate of some other man's beliefs

kaz/inej - work song

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

(this is just so i would come for you and if i couldn't walk i'd crawl to you i cannot)

matthias/nina - in a week

A thousand teeth And yours among them, I know Our hungers appeased Our heartbeats becoming slow We lay here for years or for hours Thrown here or found To freeze or to thaw So long we become the flowers Two corpses we were

(they're also incredibly work song coded, it was a struggle choosing between helnik and kanej for that one)

wylan/jesper - like real people do

So I will not ask you Why you were creeping In some sad way I already know I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

[roo-bastmoon]

Thoughts on 3D

So Jungkook's collab with Jack Harlow is out. It is catchy; it will go viral. I have purchased it; I will add it to my new releases playlists--same as I do for all our boys.

But while the dancing was cool and JK's parts are okay (I'm not thrilled that the word "girl" is used literally 20 times, but I get what the western music industry is), I was--I need to be honest here--really taken aback and unhappy with how misogynistic Jack Harlow's rap lyrics were. As far as I'm concerned, he's absolutely unnecessary, and I'll be supporting the alternate version with a lot more enthusiasm.

A deeper look at the lyrics and more of my thoughts are under the cut if you're interested (but by clicking, you're agreeing to keep it respectful in the comments or you'll get banned.)

All my ABG's get cute for me I had one girl (One girl), too boring Two girls (Two girls), that was cool for me Three girls, damn, dude's horny Four girls, okay now you whorin' (Hey, hey, hey) Hey, I'm loose I done put these shrooms to good use

Setting young women up in a line and talking about how sleeping with just one is too boring but sleeping with four is whorish? Yeah, miss me with it.

Then there's this:

You won't regret me (You won't regret me) Champagne confetti (Champagne confetti) I wanna see it In motion In 3D (Show it to me, girl, now, why?)

I was given to understand that "ABG" stands for "Asian Baby Girl" and refers to an Asian party girl who likes clubbing, wearing excessive makeup and tattoos, and revealing clothes, etc.

I also learned from Urban Dictionary—which can be an unreliable site with outdated or incorrect information—that "champagne" has referred to underage girls in the past and "confetti" or nowadays “champagne confetti” refers to orgasm, or sometimes when a group of men or women surround someone, masturbate, and then ejaculate on them.

Not even going to get into the shrooms thing. I'm not in a hyper conservative country with harsh punishments for those type of drugs so... I was a bit taken aback about a song about being fucked right, and now there's lyrics about what amounts to harem girls.

*sigh* Do you know how much I hope I'm reading into things incorrectly? Please correct me if I'm misunderstanding the innuendo, but this is what urban dictionary says. I'm 44 and live in a cave. Maybe I'm wrong.

But in any case, the vibe of Jack's parts in the video was not coming off respectful.

I don't care how many other rap songs objectify and insult women--I won't get behind any content that does. And don't even try to gaslight me or other ARMY into saying we should like this because it's comparatively worse in other rap songs. Don't try to suppress any discourse about it, either--let women discuss how they feel about how they are represented. Don't police women. Don't silence women.

BTS' rap music got so much better once they incorporated feminist feedback, so I'm used to a higher standard and I won't be lowering those standards for anyone. I have no hang ups about sex, but please miss. me. with. misogynistic. bullshit.

Then again, it seems some of the rap hyungs were on board with this.

So I guess industry pros have a different take on stuff like this!

*shrug*

Okay, we have established that I really don't like Jack Harlow's contributions to this song. Which means I'll support the alternative. Thank goodness they had the foresight to provide an alternative!

Now I can work for JK's charts in a way that doesn't aggravate my conscience. All good. Enough said on 3D.

Personally? I really hope JJK1 showcases JK's range of genres, but also has a range of topics besides pursuing girls or being cool.

I just can't vibe with a fuckboy persona; I never liked Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake for that very reason, even if some of their songs sound fine. Now, if Jungkook really admires their style and wants to pursue it, I'm not going to rag on him for it. Of course not. It's his choice and I can respect people's choices without making the same choices myself.

I will always try to support our members as far as I can, even if not everything is my cup of tea.

But I can't help hoping for something personal and authentic and substantive, when it's just Jungkook coming to us without a collab. (And with Scooter at the helm for an all-English EP, I guess I'm not holding my breath. But maybe this is all part of the learning and growing process. Time will tell.)

Please know that I don't expect other people to suit me and my tastes, but neither will I enthusiastically support content with my time and money when they don't suit me at all or actually really turn me off, ya feel me? It's a real and respectful relationship I have with BTS and their music; not performative. I don't follow along quietly out of obligation, but rather a sincere joy to participate.

I love Jungkook deeply. He's a sweet and intelligent and kind-hearted young man. Amazingly talented and humble. Sincere, open to being vulnerable, protective of those whom he loves. He donates to kid's hospitals, for goodness sake. Jeon Jungkook is a good egg.

I guess I'm just sort of feeling a bit whelmed by the type of music that is in vogue these days. JK worked hard, he did well on his parts. I just am hoping his album showcases some of the emotional depth and meaningful thoughts I have seen from him in the past, if I'm being purely honest. *shrug*

Those are my less-than-two cents. Of course, you may have a vastly different perspective and I appreciate that. Just please keep it respectful of all members and each other in the comments here. It's been a long day and I desperately need some real rest now. I'm trusting I can post this and not come back to a warzone.

I've got a Friday Thirst post in the queue for you guys, and then I'll be taking a bit of a break from social media for a few days to work on work deadlines. Please keep voting for Jimin and of course stream and buy for Jungkook and other new releases.

Sending you all so much love!

~Roo

[barrenclan]

ok ONE more music ask bc i think this is the third one i’ve submitted for the new issue so far:

so i went back & read issue 37 while listening to “drunk walk home” by mitski (both the original and the live at palisades version), timing my reading with the listening so that certain panels & passages would line up with the right points in the song, and dear. fucking. LORD. i wanna make a rainhaze pmv with this so badly. the only question is which version of the song to use

so the best way i can explain it:

*drumbeat intro* - the title page

“i will retire to the salton sea/at the age of 23” - that comic panel at the beginning showing how much he changed

“for i’ve started to learn i may never be free/but though I may never be free/fuck you and your money/i’m tired of your money” - idk exactly how it’d line up with the issue but something something him being influenced by defiance & ranger, something something “you can love someone and still hate/hurt them”

*guitar picks up* - the canine realization and/or slug’s reaction to the murder reveal. some combination of the two.

“and i sit on the curb ‘cause it’s the prettiest night/with no one else in sight/don’t you know i wore this dress for you/these killer heels for you” - rain gets all defensive & tries to justify the murder with the sleep thing & the hypocrisy

“see the dark, it moves/with every breath of the breeze” (+ the buildup before the guitar solo) - “convince them…okay”

*guitar solo* - slug attacks him, big fight scene

and of course the screaming at the end correlates to him screaming as he’s gutted like a baked potato

Nice!! I always love how much thought you put into song choices.

As a Johnny Cash enjoyer I must say I do prefer his cover but of course I love Nine Inch Nails too. More dark and gritty does fit Rainhaze better.

I've never actually listened to or seen Repo, but it does seem like something that would be up my alley. It does fit him too, driving in what he's done and forcing him to remember killing Asphodelpaw.

I remember every dying whisper Every desperate murmur I remember when I gaze upon her She looks just like you I remember, I remember

I like this from Rainhaze's perspective, like he's constantly trying to guess what Ranger wants from him, how much he has to hurt himself to please Ranger.

The waves suck you in then you drown If like, you'd just stay down with me I'll swim down with you Is that what you want?

You hang the anchors over my neck (Saw your end) I liked it at first but the more you laughed The crazier I became

Haha aww, Pinepaw.

I lost some weight from anxious pacing talking on the telephone If I look cool I'm fooling you At any point you can assume My mind's computing every path that screws up what I wanna do

The things that I can't shoulder well I pass onto my older self And hope I learn to cope so I don't end up broke or overwhelmed 'Cause vocally, I'm not the best

Poinsettia is an interesting pull, but I can see it. I hate to say Rainhaze once again but yknow... kinda Rainhaze...

The feelings of regret And now I'm running to forget But know, the consequence of imagination's fear I met a man downtown the other day With ruby eyes that took my life away

Thе antidote we look so hard to find To purge yourself of fear, relax your mind But heaven only knows Where my mind leads, the feeling grows

Someone has actually recently made an incredible animatic set to Ptolemaea, actually! You can see it here.

That's alright, I usually do all the lyric quoting!

Pick up another cigarette Smoke it now and soon you'll forget If only your silver lining had better timing 'Cause there's no crown for one on the way down

Your dull blade and your dusty attire Can bring back all those burning desires So go back to the pit or roll over

I'd love to see the animation if you ever make it! It does have big synergy with "The Death of BarrenClan" event.

Heed the sirens, take shelter, my lover Flee the fire that devours But the sight held me fixed like a bayonet against my throat

It was a pale white horse With a crooked smile And I knew it was my time

Not a song in the world that doesn't make me think of Rainhaze... anyways, I always like a good Hoosiers song.

Everything you love turns to dust, You'd make more of it but you felt rushed By all that's periphery, You held tight, but on the contrary

Don't look your life passed you by, 'Cause you're too attached to it, Don't look your life passed you by, 'Cause you're too attached to it

[skyeblue8]

ᗯι𝜏ԋ Ɛʋҽɾყ Ɲҽցα𝜏ιʋҽട, ㆜ԋҽɾҽ 𝓐ɾҽ Sσ𝓶ҽ Ƥσടι𝜏ιʋҽട... ♚

⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰⋆⃟⋆ ⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰ ⋆⃟⋆⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰ ⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰⋆⃟⋆

So, because I'm in a bit of a shitty mood due to a whole lot of work I have to do before my break, and I don't feel like piling onto the already large list of what's wrong with the Helluva Boss series - and also, because everyone liked the Beelzebub list, I decided to do a quick list of my top five favorite songs from Helluva Boss. Despite the questionable writing, characters, world-building, creator, etc, the songs are actually truly solid when they want to be, and for that, I'm willing to give praise.

𝟏.❞𝕂𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕟 𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙❞ 𝐛𝐲, 𝐆𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐳 & 𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐦

❥ Putting aside my general love for these girls, however brief their appearances were in the episode, this song was just incredible to me! The dancing was smooth, the beat was heavily reminiscent to Kpop, which I just love anyway, the visuals were stunning, in addition to their overall designs, and I'm honestly just sucker for fish-based characters since they have a whole siren aesthetic going on. Speaking of, many people find these twins to be reminiscent to The Dazzlings, from EQ Girls, and that's just the cherry on top for me! The full version truly makes this even better and, overall, I think the song was brilliant in establishing the whole rebranding of Mammon and how these two pose great threats to Fizz, much like those badass singer villains in Saturday morning shows. You know, the one's everyone ends up simping for at some point in their childhood. Anyway, because of the new episode, this song managed to shoot its way to the top of my faves, knocking down my original fave in the process!

𝟐. ❞𝕄𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣❜𝕤 𝔹𝕒𝕝𝕝❞𝐁𝐲, 𝐁𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐳𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐛

❥ This song walked, so "Cotton Candy" could trip and fall on the scalding hot pavement. Apologies if I sound dramatic, and you happen to like Cotton Candy, but the amount of disappointment I feel towards the fact that we didn't get this song is indescribable. Now of course, I understand WHY we couldn't (again, waste of time when someone could've just gotten Rochelle in the first place 😑) but I digress. Aside from the fact that a specific line in the song gives clear clarification of who the hell the flying fox is, it feels like the cool, degenerative (said affectionately) party girl song that I would've actually liked to hear.

❥ To me, it's reminiscent of "Cannibal" and "Die Young", and I feel like both themes generally tie into what we think of a Modern Beelzebub to be like. The beat, the shift in pace of the lyrics that brings out the fast party vibe, the fact that it felt like a real pop song that didn't take fifteen minutes to get through just to see the rest of the episode – all these are what made this song my former #1 favorite, now my #2. And the "non-binary specimen" line was a cool, quick inclusion to me.

𝟑. ❞𝕁𝕦𝕘𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕀𝕫 ℂ𝕠𝕠𝕝❞ 𝐛𝐲, 𝐌𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧

❥ I know this is technically too small to be an actual full song, but I still loved it regardless. It was really cool in its short runtime for the following reasons: the Tom Hardy's vocals (idk what it is, but something about Australian accents that just sounds satisfying, especially when singing), the praising of the Twins, and the satisfaction of seeing Fizz squirm a bit. Apologies to any of you who like Fizz. I don't hate him per se, but rather, I'm just bitter that we're loosing out on other character development because of him and Ozzy. And, I prefered Robo Fizz who was an unrelenting asshole and not another UWU boy that, imo, there are one too many of in Hell.

❥ Anyway, it was cool seeing more visuals of the Greed Ring stage. And seeing the spider visuals that are associated with Mammon. I understand if some people thought it was kinda tacky, but I personally think it could work if assessed the right way. (Hint: I'll be explaining more about this in later Greed Ring Headcanons and/or Mammon Headcanons.)

𝟒. ❞𝕍𝕒𝕔𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝔹𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕥𝕠𝕨𝕟❞ 𝐛𝐲, 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐤𝐚 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐝𝐚𝐲

❥ Admittedly, I was a bit iffy on whether or not I should include this considering my feelings on Verosika. I don't hate her by any means considering, you know, it's Blitzø, but she has nothing going on for her and her one note personality just feels unfair to her considering what she had to deal with. That being said, I realized that I'm judging based on musical appeal and not entirely on character, so I said "fuck it" and put this as #4.

❥ While notably slower and softer than the other songs, I enjoyed it after revisiting it. The pink aesthetic and visuals were just gorgeous to me.

❥ It's slow, playful, and it reminds me a lot of Doja Cat and her songs, and I really loved that. Above all else, it was soothing and nice, and I feel like it was wasted on the Spring Break episode though as, while the episode introduced it a bit more worldbuilding, it felt like a whole load of nothing considering it all happened in one place and that same worldbuilding went out the window almost immediately. Still love the song though. Honestly, if there was a musical battle between Verosika and the Twins, I'd struggle to pick a winner.

𝟓. ❞ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝔸𝕤𝕞𝕠𝕕𝕖𝕦𝕤❞ 𝐛𝐲, 𝐀𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐬 & 𝐅𝐢𝐳𝐳

❥ While my opinion of Asmodeus has wavered lately, his debut song was incredible! I loved the deep vocals and jazzy tunes used in the song, and I didn't completely mind the bits with Fizz in it given all that's happened. Above all else, I adored how they called out Stolas publically in the episode. Shame it couldn't stay that way. Seriously though, as sexy as the man's voice is his design just doesn't fit that. But, yeah, that's my opinion.

⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰⋆⃟⋆ ⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰ ⋆⃟⋆⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰ ⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⃞⃝⊰⋆⃟⋆

Anyway, yeah, that was my list. Let me know what y'all think and whether or not you agree with my choices. If any, do you have a favorite song in Helluva Boss? Or a least favorite? Let me know. ✌🏾

[alexisnotstraight]

My Chemical Romance for Blender, april 2005 by Dorian Lymskey

"We're here to fight evil"

If death rockers My Chemical Romance say they're superheroes, then who is Blender to argue? we just don't remember Spider-Man having so many problems with drink, drugs and swearing in front of kids.

One day last august, Gerard Way boarded a plane to Japan with the grawing conviction that the might not be coming back. Over the past past year, the old singer for the rock group My Chemical Romance had got it into his head that he had to be drunk to perform, and then needed Xanax to switch off his brain afterwards, and the cumbination was making him suicidally depressed. Way didn't like being suicidally depressed, so he'd often add cocaine to the mix. That's when his mood really got black. He spent the days before the flight saying goodbye to friends in New Jersey, just in case

In Japan, Way spent all his time drunk. Before the final Tokyo show, he got so trashed on Heinekens and vodka tonics that he realized, even as he was performing, that he wouldn't be a able to remember anything about it the next day. After he came off stage he spent half an hour throwing up in a garbage can, until there was nothing coming up except bile. Tonight, be thought to himself, his hair caked with womit, I've drunk my last drink.

"It was a vicious circle," he says matter-of-factly. "I needed it to function but it made me want to kill myself. It made me extremely unpredictable and dangerous to myself. I didn't want it to get to the point where it became like a VHi Behind the Music where they show this seally had picture of me 30 pounds overweight, throwing up on the floor in Berlin. I didn't want that to happen to this band".

Way's cold-turkey fight back to the band's home of Belleville. New Jersey, was escruciating-almost 7.000 miles of skin-crawling, sweat-soaked willies. "I got really emotional outside the airport when we landed. I didn't know if I was going to see these guys again." He went straight to his therapist and booked into Alcoholics Anonymous, knowing that in the same week My Chemical Romance had to replace their drummer, fiim a video and start their tour. And you thought you'd had a hard week at work.

"We got through the hard shit," says Way. "This is the easy part".

Any fears last summer that My Chemical Romance were going to implode into obscurity were knocked flat by their swaggering teen-dysfunction anthem "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)."

Inspired by the high school experiences of Way and his friends, it delivers angst-rock verities with a knowing wink, not to mention the kind of melody that ignites careers. The tongue-in-cheek video, filmed in the same L.A. high school as Donnie Darko, depicted MCR as proudly geeky misfits. It was a role that didn't require much rehearsal.

Way calls My Chemical Romance's music "death rock." Others have tagged it goth punk or emo. Some endearing individuals have overcome genre confusion by simply calling MCR faggots. "Our guitarist Frank met somebody who said, 'How do you feel when people stop liking your band because they find out you're gay?" says Way, curling his lip with pointed amusement.

To the more meat-headed members of the Warped tour fraternity, some eyeliner and the occasional ambivalent lyric (in "You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison, Gerard sings "I'll kiss your lips again" to a male character) are too much to process, but Way hopes MCR can change a few minds.

"We've always tried to switch the way people think about rock bands," he says. "That [lyric] puts a dividing line between people. Are you on our side and you want to be different or are you on that side and you want to throw a football at my head?".

Only a morbid former comic-book artist from blue-collar New Jersey could have hatched a band as toughly unorthodox as My Chemical Romance. Gerard Way writes the songs with his bandmates -his bassist brother Mikey Way, guitarists Ray Toro and Frank lero, and new drummer Bob Bryar-but the vision is all his. He illustrates the record sleeves and defines their image. Recently he chose matching shirts, ties and armbands for the band to wear in the video for "Helena." taking enormous care not to resemble (a) the Hives or (b) the Nazis.

Most important, he's the one who assembled the band back in late 2001. when September 11 jolted him out of his rut as a struggling illustrator. On their 2002 debut album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, and last year's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, MCR yoke the thunder of punk to the black humor of Morrissey, Nick Cave and Tom Waits, and blaze with purpose.

"There are bands that are in it for the wrong reason, polluting the airwaves and filling their own pockets," Gerard growls. "Or just saying. Oh I wanna be a rockstar. Right. You've got a lot of kids following you. What are you saying to them?"

So what are MCR saying?

He's ready for this one. "We're saying it's OK to be messed up. There's other people just like you. And if we stick together we'll get through this."

When Gerard was still working in comic books, his favorite creation was The Amazing Goffo Brothers, Piano Movers Extraordinaire. A black comedy set in a creepy, anonymous city, it was a metaphor for the relationship between him and his younger brother, Mikey.

Despite their age difference (Gerard is 27: Mikey is 24), the Way brothers wore matching outfits as children. Today, the Ways arrive at a Midtown Manhattan restaurant wearing identical black jackets, but that's the only visible similarity.

With his blood-red tie, ink-black hair and snow-pale skin, Gerard looks part Jack White, part Edward Scissorhands, and sounds as if he's been hanging out at the Bada Bing! club. His stick-thin sibling, meanwhile, wears oblong-framed glasses and the kind of candy-striped wool hat favored by fourth-graders and fashion stylists. He has the most extraordinary laugh: a shrill, girlish giggle that causes waiters to turn their heads.

They grew up in the predominantly Italian-American town of Belleville, in Sopranos country the Pizzaland restaurant glimpsed in the show's opening credits is a few blocks from the house they still live in with their auto-mechanic dad and hairdresser mom. In Jersey, says Gerard, "There's a 99% chance you're not going to do anything with your life." Mikey yelps with pretend outrage.

"Well, 90%, maybe," his brother concedes in a deadpan drawl. "Every time I come back to Jersey, it's ready to put its tentacles all over me and suck me right back in. If I'm home for more than three weeks. I forget I'm in a band. I start to fill out applications for supermarkets."

Is there anything good about the Garden State?

"I think it gives you a bleak outlook on life, which is awesome," says Mikey, cackling. "It gives you an edge. When you're from Jersey, people act like you're from Rikers.

Gerard nods. "Sometimes all we have to do is get up there, make some feedback and say, 'Yeah we're from Noo Joisey,' and then hit 'em like a bomb. People are like, 'Hey, I don't want to get beat up!"

After high school, Gerard studied art and Mikey drifted his way through college: "I thought college was a place you went to find people to be in a band with." Sometimes they played in bands together, but Gerard was more committed to becoming an artist, which was proving to be a disheartening process. When he eventually quit, his big project was a magic cartoon chimp called Breakfast Monkey. "I was doing bullshit," he shrugs.

After September 11, Gerard wrote his first song. "Skylines and Turnstiles," and played it to an old friend, drummer Matt Pelissier. Pelissier knew a guitarist called Ray Toro. "They played me their one song and I was jumping around the attic and headbanging," says Toro, a genial, frizzy- haired film buff with a caricature of Alfred Hitchcock tattooed on his left arm.

"Gerard sounded really sincere about wanting to start something real. That's what made me excited."

The members of My Chemical Romance aren't especially weird-it's not like any of them collect skulls or serial killer memorabilia-but they all grew up with reasons to feel like outsiders.

Toro was a shy kid with an overprotective mother. Instead of going out with friends, he'd stay at home playing guitar to Jimi Hendrix or Metallica. Guitarist Frank lero suffered from bronchitis and ear infections and was ill almost constantly until the fifth grade. He was raised by his mom after she split from his dad, a musician who worked on records by John Lennon and Kiss. "I'm in the family music industry," he says. "My dad would ask me how school was, but mostly it was, 'When are you going to start playing?".

Jazz-trained drummer Bob Bryar was an Illinois kid "who took apart radios and stuff and then tried to put them back together and realized they didn't work." He has a dark sense of humor that can sometimes come off as surliness. "I get these urges to fuck off sometimes," he says. "I find it hard to entertain myself."

Bryar befriended the rest of the band in 2003, when he was a soundman for the Used, whom My Chemical Romance were supporting. When relations with Pelissier deteriorated, he stepped in. The new lineup had just two days to practice before their next tour.

"I haven't relaxed in a long time," sighs lero. "I look forward to that. I'd like to take a step back and look at some newspaper clippings."

The next morning, the sky is the color of a dirty washbowl and it's being emptied on New Jersey. Brian Schechter, My Chemical Romance's manager, taps at his cellphone as he steers his car through the damp, gray streets to pick up the Ways. We collect Mikey first.

"Did you see that MTV.com headline?" he asks, still wearing his striped hat. "MCR Aim for Smashing Pumpkins Status. It was out of context, but it's OK makes people think it's possible."

The band's destination is Philadelphia's Theatre of Living Arts. A local radio station held a competition between high schools to raise the most food for homeless shelters, the prize being an exclusive My Chemical Romance show. Considering the audience will be as young as 13. some adjustments need to be made. "We should probably have a PG show tonight," says Schechter. "We didn't do a show for charity just for Gerard to call them a bunch of motherfuckers."

It's a forlorn hope. "Put your fucking hands together!" cries Gerard within minutes of stepping onstage. In a black-velvet suit, red tie and black armband, he struts across the stage, wagging his finger to the lyrics or spraying mouthfuls of water over the front rows, while his band compress punk, metal, goth and glam into furiously concise pop songs. When he introduces "Headfirst for Halos" as "a song about suicide," you can almost feel the ripples of concern from the adult chaperones lurking around the edges of the room. However, even they can't resist tapping a toe to "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)." Last night MCR played it on The Late Show With David Letterman. Tonight they're playing it to a couple hundred Philadelphia high school kids. Letterman was a highlight of their career to date, but it's here that the song makes most sense.

"I didn't do my usual thing, where I compare high school to prison," protests Gerard later, sucking on a cigarette in a dimly lit backstage office. He admits he can see how people might get the wrong idea about MCR. "Journalists usually portray us as a fucked-up, dark, vampire. alcoholic rock band. Until they meet us."

Although he's got the charisma and the goth pinup looks to be an angst-rock martyr, Gerard seems too grounded to play the feel-my-pain card. Maybe it's the Jersey in him. Even when he talks about his therapist (a "rad guy" who turned him on to Brian Eno), he's pragmatic.

"If you're in this band, you're in it for the right reasons," Gerard declares. "You're not in it for money or fame. You're in it to do some good. Becoming more popular, it's like people are granting us superpowers and we have to use them to fight evil."

Is that the comic books talking?

"Oh yeah," he says, his grin a pearly sliver in the gloom. "We're like the Doom Patrol."

[alyona11]

Hi! So I am very new to Hadestown and I am watching the bootleg. I really love the dynamic between Hades and Persephone, but there is one thing that kind of rub me in not so good way, is Hey Little Song Bird implied that Hades and Eurydice slept together? I am seeing a lot of interpretation and it genuinely confused the hell out of me asdfghk

Hi! Well, tbf it's a tricky question, but the short answer is that Hadestown suggests that something might have happened behind closed doors. The rest is up to audience and actor's interpretation.

For example, Anaïs Mitchell often mentions in Working On a Song that in early workshops she often went with the idea that Hades cheats and pretty regularly even though these affairs mean nothing to him since the only person he loves is Persephone. It even had a cut song:

In her early drafts/productions of Hadestown you can often get the vibe that from her point of view it doesn't matter as much because they are eternal beings and love each other since the world began so does it even matter for them?

However, by NYTW this story line was cut apart from Persephone's line in How Long:

"I don't mind if you look at other girls, now and then"

"The girl means nothing to me"

"I know"

Plus the staging in NYTW Papers and Hades' protective peacock behavior with Eurydice around Orpheus in the scene also gives you a thought that they might have had an affair? Plus some bits like the fact that she has a line in Why We Build a Wall and her words "But don't you see? That's different with me!" - "Different than who? They thought they were different too!" Could also be interpreted as Hades suggesting some special conditions by granting her a role of a romantic interest. Whether the interest is real or not and did he use it or not is again up to your interpretation of NYTW Hades. He is more of a morally dubious guy (as all ht Hades are) so it's more up to you to either believe he would have cheated to put Persephone in her place or would just use showing off Eurydice as a brutal way to get Persephone's interest.

As for Broadway, I think it's still suggested and you can find profs in the lyrics but I think that they are what they are - suggestive and leave you to interprete it whichever way you feel comfortable. I think the biggest suggestion remains in Flowers with the line:

'I trembled when he laid me out

"You won’t feel a thing," he said, "when you go down"'

Which kinda can have a death meaning and sex meaning, tbf someone could have written a good article on how those topics are connected in Hadestown. So here, again chose one of the two or both.

But again, Broadway also changed the lyrics in How Long and the whole staging in Papers so it's less suggestive.

My personal opinion based on Broadway production is that it all depends on how the actor plays it and whether you believe this particular Hades is the type to sleep with Eurydice to get Persephone's attention and prove he is still attractive or he is more of a person who doesn't care about having the affair and his only goal is to get Persephone to react somehow by composing such a messed up hurtful plan. Personally, I prefer the second option maybe because I'm a pussy or maybe because I see Hades (whom I mostly base on Patrick Page ht Broadway previews) like a person who is desperate to get Persephone's attention in such a radical way like a cat pushing objects from your table to see your reaction. He wants to be stopped, he wants any reaction from Persephone. He even touches her by the shoulder before going into the office like "Look!! Look! I'm absolutely totally leaving! To cheat! See! Hey come on! I'll even take off my tie to show that I'm serious! Don't you wanna stop me???". Seems kinda way too extra to me. Like he could have just gotten to the office after parading a pretty girl in front of her and it would be understood that it's for an affair. But he takes so much time to make sure she understands that he can find himself someone when all he wants is for her to come back to him with open arms. I'm not sure he has the guts to actually damage his relationship to an irreversible degree (considering Broadway Hades is never stated as a cheater before the Eurydice sub-plot). Like it's one thing to take a mortal before her time and parade her in front of your wife (because what is a mortal life after all?) as a "replacement" and it's the other way to actually cheat on her and deal with the fact that she might never forgive him again if it is a deal-breaker for her considering they seem to be true to each other for all these years.

One interesting thing to note here as well is how Hades actors play the reaction to Persephone's line in How Long:

"He has the kind if love that you and I once had"

Because his instant reaction is "OH SHIT once had?? Does she think I don't love her still?? OH SHIT I BROUGHT THE GIRL THIS IS WHY SHE MIGHT THINK THAT", so he answers to that:

"The girl means nothing to me!"

Depending on the actor and she show the line sounds either scared, confused, angry, undignified etc. So it's once again up to you to interprete why he reacts this way: is he angry because she suggested he would actually cheated on her? Is he angry because she called him out on that affair? Is he confused and scared because she thinks he doesn't love her anymore because of his foolish decision to tease her in such a cruel way?

That's up to you.

P.S. I think one of the most interesting studies of the subject and Hades' character that I've read in a fic for that matter was the Songbird chapter of Winters Nigh and Summers O're. You can check it out, but I will warn you that it's probably one of the heaviest chapters of that fic in the emotional sense and it has explicit parts (don't worry, nothing bad happens to Eurydice. Well...apart from dying, I guess), so check out the warnings if you decide to read it.

[ariesmusingz]

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ╱ saves the world sentence starters pt 2 ( created using lyrics from muna's saves the world album. feel free to adjust to fit your muse. )

so i let it happen again

i loved someone who's indifferent

that's why i can't sleep at night

that's why i keep sleeping in

so i started over again

i got back onto that medicine

i don't like when dreaming ends

there's a pink light in my apartment

it comes mid-morning as a reminder

at the right time, in the right surroundings, i will be lovely

i can't help thinking that maybe if you stayed for an hour or two

maybe if you'd seen the soft pink light i wouldn't be alone tonight

i'm living inside my mind

i keep retracting that storyline

thinking if i start again, i can change the way it ends

maybe i will always keep a little piece of this belief

if it isn't you who sees then there isn't any pink light in my apartment

waited a minute till you went in

we talked and then we stopped talking

put on a song and we listened

i know that i make you nervous

i do it half on purpose

you know i think you're precious

i think you're a good person

so why do i wanna blow up your life?

i'll be a very good girl

i won't even think about it

i'm just feeling like i can't help it

i know you said you had a girlfriend

i just want it if it's taken

dad left when i was 11

mom said it was cause he couldn't keep from tocuhing other women

some things have a way of sticking

now i'm standing in your kitchen

you said you told her you were leaving

i can't help thinking i hate you 'cause you're just like him

so why did i have to blow up your life?

i just thought that if i could take you from her, maybe then it would prove that i'm worth something

now i'm alone and i'm hurt

wishing i'd taken you at your word when you said you were taken

i know you said it

i just want it

i see you

it's been some time since i've seen you last

you know the night

i bet you know the night

i'm here

you're here

it's in the air like a firefly

it's june and july

i know you're bad for me

when you say you want me again

i can feel you up on me

it hits me all of the sudden

you can't touch

get your hands off me

there's no reason

i'm free

i get so high every time

happens every time

a damn idea

i focus then i hold that feeling inside

got this feeling inside

i want you

come closer

i feel like i've been here before

you want the power

you tell me it's now or never

you think i'm playing hard to get

this must be hard to get

you've got to get your hands off

you think i'm playing with your head

do you need me to do the chorus again?

i must be some great feeler

i must be really deep

i had a major crisis

when you stopped calling me i saw a psychic healer

she just turned 17

all that she said was to do what i want

like i'm supposed to know what that means

i'm gonna figure it out

i'm already here and i won't leave now

put a pot of coffee on

i'm just having a time

the good news is, if you don't like life, they say it doesn't last long

i was sad in the kitchen

tearing myself apart

trying to search for the piece that i'm missing

i didn't know where to start

i went to an art exhibit

there wasn't any art

all that there was, was a sink and some dishes

be where you are

i know it's not just me who thinks it is just me

got a bee sting on the way back from your house

it was crawing up my leg inside my car

something 'bout the way i had to pull it out

never healed quite right and now i've got a scar

i'm glad it left a mark

remind me what it was like seem i forget

when i'm drinking or i'm thinking with my heart

baby this is what you get when you're reckless and you're playing in the dark

you're gonna move to new york and experiment with communism

go down on a girl after reading her some frantz fanon

you'll go out of your way trying to find some place you can hide and get high

you're gonna call your mom

you're gonna cut off your hair with dull scissors from the desk in your dorm room

learn by trial and error that threesomes are more sad than fun

you're gonna move to la

guess you're running away from the patterns you have and the decisions you've made

yeah you're gonna sit in the sun

it's gonna be okay

you're gonna smoke cigarettes on the ground beside the pool at stardust

you're gonna get obsessed with a boy who's hooked on heroin

you'll have some all-time nights dancing outside with lcd on the speaker

you're drinking dark pink wine

you're gonna lose those friends

you're gonna fall in love with a girl which you were not expecting

you're gonna start a band

it's just her, another friend and you

then you get freaked out

you say something about how you just can't commit

you move into your aunt's house and all your dreams come true

you're going to come to depend on the sec of a sadistic stranger

you're gonna learn to pretend

you lie about it to save face

the morning you awake in the deepest of pain that you've ever been in

you admit you've got to quit him

you're gonna learn to pray

you're gonna start to call friends

you're gonna start to call yourself an addict

you finally read zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance

you're gonna clean out your drawers

you're gonna feel much more like god is a mystery and jesus is a metaphor

you're gonna tell your reflection

[iambic-stan]

Concertina

Writing this story was very therapeutic for me. I hope someone else, cardiophile or otherwise, can get some comfort and reassurance out of it, too.

"I'm not policing what you think and dream," was the lyric I fixated on, though it was only the first verse of the song.  Every explanation of the song "Concertina" I'd read contradicted my own interpretation.  Wasn't it mostly a song about feeling bold enough to be strange, even if it was frightening?  There was applause in the bar when I finished, and made me feel like the risk of a new track selection had paid off.  Tori clapped with the most vigor, as she usually does.

"Girl, who sang that one?" she asked, noting that it was different from my usual selections like Stevie Nicks and Pat Benetar.  I stared at her drink, something with pineapple and gin if I recalled, with this hypnotic red-orange-yellow ombre effect.  Without taking my eyes off of it, I said, "It was a Tori Amos song.  Not a big hit or anything though.  You share a name," I said, lightly touching her shoulder, "You should sing something of hers one night."

"Not if the DJ has anything Taylor," she laughed.  It was fair.  Tori loved to sing Taylor Swift at karaoke, just like how she loved to talk about Gaylor theories, analyze her lyrics, speculate about what her various IG and Tumblr posts might foretell, and scour Stubhub and every other possible site for the least-bankrupting concert tickets.  I was just along for the ride, though I had a couple of her albums at home myself.

"Ok, do something from Lover," I suggested.  

"I don't know.  What if all they have is "YNTCD?" she whined, abbreviating Taylor's divisive LGBTQ anthem from 2019, one that I happened to enjoy despite any criticism.  

"I know you like it, and maybe I'm being a terrible Swiftie, but isn't she just trying to hijack our trauma and claim it as hers?  *Unless* she is gay but didn't want to say so explicitly in the song.  It's great that she gave so many queer people screen time.  I didn't even know who Billy Porter was until I saw the video.  But then again, why did she make it about resolving her beef with Katy Perry?  That was so random.  Anyway, I'll see what I can do...for you, Elena."  She ran her hand down my arm and then squeezed my hand for a second.  She's drunk, I thought, but I appreciated the affection.  Her hand was soft and it felt right--sensual without the suggestion of something more.  I wouldn't want anything more.  

Well, that wasn't entirely true.  I had come to feel at home with Tori over the past year--my first close friend since college who also happened to be queer.  I had lingered longer when hugging her, and since she knew I was asexual, I didn't think she ever took anything the "wrong" way.  At home I had a bright magenta stethoscope that sat on my nightstand, waiting.  But since I'd never told Tori that 1) I loved heart sounds, 2) loved using stethoscopes, and 3) wanted to use one with her, my stethoscope could have been waiting for Godot.  I had strongly considered putting her (the stethoscope--named Alex for my love of Wizards of Waverly Place) in the living room so that Tori could just happen to notice her while we were watching a movie.  But I played the conversation out in my head and felt mortified with every possible script I wrote.  Still, whenever I pictured her wearing the binaurals and listening to my heart, I felt like skipping through a field of daisies.  It just seemed like I was struggling with level one of a video game while ravenously reading walkthroughs of the battle with the final boss I might never meet.  Not that it was a game to me--my love of heart sounds was and always had been one of the most important things in my life.  It kept me sane and grounded, and most of all, it was how I felt close to someone I cared about.

I felt a bit of envy as I watched her throw her arm around the DJ, whose adorable curly head of hair and petite stature brought to mind Jorgeous from one of my favorite shows--Rupaul's Drag Race.  But I wasn't jealous that Not-Jorgeous was enjoying Tori's affection; I wished I could have that sort of magnetism that drew everyone to me and put them immediately at ease.  Trauma had prevented me from being so gregarious.  I watched as four more karaoke singers ran up to Tori, happy to see a familiar face (she was there every week) and get their expected hug.  No, I didn't necessarily want that much attention, I realized--I only wanted the confidence and grace to be completely open with her.

When I heard the first few sharp, synth-laden notes, I knew exactly what song it was.  Tori was deadly serious in her delivery and everyone in the bar turned to gaze at this tall, striking woman who would almost look imposing if her face weren't so soft and kind.  "Combat, I'm ready for combat," she sang, and I was shocked that the DJ would have this track from Taylor's Lover album that we could agree on.  In a moment of accountability that Taylor-haters never acknowledge, the singer tells us she's been "the archer" and "the prey," and feared her propensity for causing hurt as well as her own crippling wounds might make her difficult to live with.  As Tori deftly crescendoed her way into the bridge (I had been given numerous lectures on her distinctive bridges), I felt like my heart beat louder as well.  Suddenly embarrassed, I turned away and stepped onto the bar's patio, my long wrap skirt catching a doorknob in my haste.  I pulled it out and turned to look at the wisteria still bright near sundown and the brick water feature with the goldfish.  There was a couple in the corner deep in conversation, voices so hushed I couldn't make out a single word. That was my last drink, I thought, staring at the crescent moon and the smattering of stars I could see in spite of light pollution.  I felt too much; why didn't alcohol make me numb like it did everyone else?

"Hey, did you like it?" I heard her say behind me.  I turned and saw the sheepish grin on her face.

"Oh, it was beautiful!" I exclaimed.  "I was just out here getting some air is all."  

"I was thinking about what you said last week."  She came closer and put her arms around me as she said it.  My head landed near her chest, and I could almost hear something if it weren't for her thick jacket.  I let myself fall into her embrace.  "I think it would be exciting, actually.  I want to do it.  I've never done that with anyone before," she continued.

I racked my brain and tried to remember what she could be talking about, slowly recalling that I'd had 3 cocktails and 2 shots last week.  There were a few portions of my last karaoke night that I didn't recall at all.  "Wait, what are you talking about?"

She looked at me, her eyes crinkled a little.  Gently, she pushed my hair out of my face.  "You're such a silly drunk and you don't remember any of it," she said, shaking her head.  "You surprised the hell out of me by talking about having a stethoscope and wanting to listen to my heartbeat.  And that you wanted me to listen to your heartbeat.  And I was speechless because that seemed like such a weird, random thing to say.  But then I thought about it and I'm really curious now.  None of my girlfriends ever wanted to do something like that.  Not that you're my girlfriend, but a friend who happens to be a girl, anyway.  I'm down."

I breathed in sharply.  How could I have said all of that without realizing what I was divulging?  My heart was really pounding then, and as if she read my mind, she placed her hand on my chest.  "Oh!" she squeaked, surprised.  "Am I embarrassing you?  Please don't feel that way!  I guess I should've thought you might've forgotten, like that time you went on for like 10 minutes about whether Drag Race All Stars is rigged like you were the only person in the room and had zero recollection of it the next day."  Without really thinking, I quickly placed my hand over hers, holding it fast to my chest.  Her hand so near my heart felt just right somehow.  I closed my eyes and only opened them when she pulled away to check her phone.

"Our Uber is on its way.  I told them to go to your apartment.  Is that ok?  Mine is a mess and Savannah has her boyfriend over, anyway.  He always brings that cheap, stinky weed.  Plus, we could watch more Babylon 5.  I want to see if the praying mantis thing is a 'legitimate businessman' ha."

The N'Grath reference made me smile.  "That sounds great," I almost slur, grinning like an idiot.

Mollie, my dachshund, is almost wider than she is long, so it's a struggle for her to make it up to the couch to properly greet Tori when she comes over.  This night was no different.  "She doesn't even eat that much," I said for probably the twentieth time.  "It's like she just has the worst possible metabolism, poor babe."  I stroked under her chin.

The DVD was loaded, and with the confidence that only alcohol could summon in me, I'd stealthily transferred Alex from my bedroom to the coffee table in the living room while Tori was in the bathroom.  When she emerged, she smiled all big and plopped back down on the couch.  My voice boomed in my head when I picked up the stethoscope and said, "This is Alex.  She was named for Alex Russo, you know, when I was younger.  Well, not that much younger.  But still.  Yes, I know it was a kids' show," I say shyly, wondering why I can't shut up.

Tori laughed and picked her up, turning the chestpiece around over and over again to switch from diaphragm to bell, hearing that satisfying click each time.  "She doubles as a fidget toy, I see," she said.  "Oh what's that?" I had to follow her gaze because I was staring at her chest (not her breasts--give me some credit) rising and falling and could barely think of anything else.  She picked up a pill bottle from the coffee table, one that I usually put away when someone is over out of an overabundance of caution. But I hadn't realized we were both coming back here tonight.  "Spiro?" she asked.  "I used to take that, like in my 20s when my acne was a lot worse.  What do you take it for?" she asked innocently.

I looked up at her, struck dumb and wordless.  We both stared in silence for a few seconds too long, and that was when it dawned on me.  Elena, she doesn't know, you moron.  You're about to ask her to do something intimate and she doesn't know.  Does it matter?  Maybe, maybe not.  I sighed.  This was not the way I wanted her to find out.  What if she changed her mind, decided I'm not one of her girl friends after all?  What if she declared this some kind of "trick"?  What if she got mad, felt betrayed, and blabbed all over social media?  What if it got out at work?  This wasn't something to play with, I realized, and it made me feel like I was suffocating suddenly, imagining all the worst case scenarios. They flicked through my brain rapidly, like someone pressing the lever on one of those retro viewfinders at lightning speed, taking in all of the little thumbnails in a blur.  I gasped and then deliberately began to breathe in and out very slowly and evenly.  I grabbed the arm of the couch as if I was falling.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry.  You don't have to answer that.  It's none of my business," she insisted apologetically.  I could tell she was uncomfortable.  I had made her uncomfortable.  But it didn't feel like there was any escaping it now.  The mood had changed dramatically, all thanks to my reaction to her question, and as much as I yearned for her to listen to my heart and had pictured it many times in the last few months, it was pounding because I was terrified.  She put Alex down on the couch, where Mollie reached over to lick her eartips, and took my hand.  "What's wrong?" she whispered.

I looked up at her and it felt like someone else's voice when I choked out, "I'm trans."  Her brow furrowed.  When she didn't respond right away, I added, in a whispered rush, "I grew up a boy.  I mean I'm not one.  I never was.  I thought you knew.  That's what the prescription is for."  I exhaled loudly, then realized I'd been staring at the floor and not facing Tori.  She let my hand go, almost in slow-motion, and she looked at my body as though she was seeing it for the first time.  Oh god, I winced.  Please don't look for masculine things.  

"I'm such an idiot," she finally said, almost inaudibly.  I stared in horror as she said,  "Why didn't I know?!?"  

I felt my mouth go dry.  My voice was hoarse.  "It's not like I wanted everyone to know," I said.  "It's not like I want to lose my job."

"Oh, Elena!" she exclaimed.  "You weren't thinking it would make a difference, were you?"  When I didn't respond, she wrapped her arms tightly around me, and tears flooded my vision.  "You're one of my best friends.  You're my only friend who will go with me to karaoke, for one," she laughed.  "You're the only person besides my mom who listened to me carry on about my undying devotion to Amari, even after the third time she fucking cheated.  Not my finest moment, but that woman had a hold on me."  I inadvertently let out a snort, remembering her beautiful but treacherous ex. 

She kept one arm around me and reached again for Alex.  "She's probably got Mollie slobber on her now," I pointed out.

"Ha, I'm not worried about it," Tori said.  I watched her insert the ear tips, thinking she had a 50/50 chance of putting them in correctly, and she managed it.  There was something transformative about her wearing the binaurals, and it dried my tears to see it.  She was only about ten years my senior, but in that moment I felt like the child I was always meant to be--one who was free to play how I wanted, with whatever toys I wanted, and just be who I was without being called names I didn't even understand.  She was the older, wiser one who could really see me.  I was safe.  She unfastened just the top button of my shirt and I looked at her face as I could feel the coolness of the metal circle on my skin.

A minute passed, then another, and they were brief but filled with knowing that she could hear me so well.  "That's so cool," she said softly.  "It was fast at first and now it's slow and steady.  I kind of feel like...I know you in a new way," she smiled and looked at my face before looking back down at the instrument.  I felt so happy I thought I could cry again.  She moved the chestpiece around--left and right and center, then between my breasts.  "It sounds different in different areas," she observed.  "Like, the first sound is louder in some places and the second is louder in others."

"You're listening near a different valve each time," I whispered, thrilled that she heard those nuances that most ordinary people don't seem attuned to.  She nodded, the look on her face one of wonder.  I breathed along with her for another few minutes while she listened, and it felt like the sort of connection I only dreamed of feeling, knowing that most people don't "get" this.  I felt almost reborn, and completely satiated. 

When it was my turn to listen, I tried to push past my reservations and self-doubt.  "Is it ok if I put this under your shirt?" I asked tentatively, pointing while holding the chestpiece.  

"Girl, yes!" she practically sputtered.  "After all the poking around I just did?  It's only fair," she laughed.

Mollie jumped up to grab and lick my hand as I moved to place the stethoscope on Tori's chest, and we both had to stop what we were doing to laugh.  When I slipped it underneath her blouse, the sound was clear and strong.  She watched my eyes as I breathed in several systoles and diastoles and it made her smile.  First, I listened for the semilunar valves--aortic and pulmonic, then, gaining confidence in what could have been an uncomfortable endeavor, moved downward to listen properly at the atrioventricular valves--tricuspid and mitral.  Tori leaned forward so I could easily access these different auscultation points.  I stayed at each one for awhile, trying to commit this sound to memory in case we never did this again.  When I was finished, she said, "Wow, that was kind of a vulnerable feeling but not in a bad way."

"You sounded so, so beautiful," I told her softly, and was pleased when that display of raw emotions didn't elicit a raised eyebrow.  This wasn't a night I'd forget anytime soon.

Thanks so much for reading! If you're able and would like to, click here to donate to the Trans Lifeline, a hotline that provides life-saving assistance to trans people, staffed by trans people.

[bookofmac]

okay okay okay, thinking thoughts

So I find the concept of Names really interesting in Camlann, reading into the extracanonical stuff put on the tumblr is giving me food for theory crafting. The Catacylsm seems to be some kind of return of magic to the world (possibly heralded by the return of The King of the Britons in their hour of need?) and thus people with significant Names have access to something because of it. they fall into the stories of their namesakes; Perry, Gwaine, and Kay are Knights, Morgan is Morgana Le Fay, and we now have a Gwen in Shújūn.

Based on Kay's dicussion with Perry if more people can fill in the roles of their stories to more 'to plan' the stories will go, Of course this is not good news if you know the general end point of Arthurian legend (Betrayal, muderer, war, most everyone dead, the 'Glory' of camelot gone). It's inherently kind of a doomsday cult if you stay in those stories, you know where parts of this are going (i'll get back to this)

it also seems like there may be some, for lack of a better term, kin drama going on. There are 900 members of the court and Kay mentions that Peredur is a really uncommon name outside of Wales, meaning there are certain knights who are more common, i assume Lancelot's, Kay's, maybe a few Talisin's, a bunch of Gareth's, and like 50 Elaines like in the legends lol

We also dont have the context for how Names work full yet and neither do our characters. I think theres a lot of answers to be had with Shújūn/Gwen with how it works, how you know other than the buzzing in you're head and desire go through the motions and Follow the Story

Now, where does Dai fit in all this?

Dai doesn't have a Name, and I think theres going to be a point where he changes his name in a major way, but not to a Name, but a Bardic name. In welsh poetic and story telling tradtions Welsh poets, THE OG Bards, will take on pseudonyms tell their stories. This practice stems from the medievil era, but goes forth to today, and many modern Welsh and welsh heritage poets have connections to this tradition (Dylan Thomas' middle name was his great uncles bardic name, Sarah Williams published her work under the name Sadie), I believe it's also a requirement to have one if you intend to perform in the major Eisteddfod, (I am Australian so my experiance of Eisteddfods here is very different so if i'm wrong on that let me know)

Why would he do this? I think Dai is going to, at least try, to write him and his friends a way out.

Much ink is spilt over how Arthurian legend doesnt have an 'orginal text', and as such there are lots of stories that are inherently contradictory; Bedwyr is the best knight, but so are Gwaine, Lancelot, and Galahad. Mordred is some random king until his Arthur's son. Arthur has a sister, no he has two, actually he has three and one of them is an Elaine. This could be used to explain any doubles (are you my Gwaine), as well as why we see a few different spelling varients which are, the very welsh Peredur as opposed to Percival or Parzifal, the anglisised and more boarish Kay as opposed to Cei or Caius (this last one might just to keep Dai and Kay distinct tho). These variations are no more or less 'canon' than any other telling of the story, and so often the writer of a given telling of Arthurian legend is going to have their own bias. But things dont HAVE to end the way they always do, and sometime you need to have someone outside the story you're caught in to tell you a new one.

You are not locked into that ever looming cloud of Thomas Mallory and Le Morte d'Arthur.

Other evidence I have for this is that Dai sings at the begining of each episode, and sings in welsh at that. He also is, to a point our narrator, existing both in and out of the current narative. Also his name is an a lyric of Sosban Fach (a song i would be surprised if it wasn't in the show at some point) 'Dai bach y sowldiwr' which is also not from the text the song was based on. Tangential yes, but i think it's worth thinking about.

I think there is also something to be said about choice in what your name is and how it feeds into the overall theme of identiy, and how that plays into other themes at play in the story, like Transness, Imperialism, and Predestination

TL:DR; While he doesnt have a Name, Dai's gonna give himself an epic bard name and save them all by writing a killer hook to get them out of the story

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hihi slug, I love your work, and thanks for everything!! Since Matenro season is nearly upon us, I was wondering if we could get your opinion on the solo snippets🤞🤞

Matenro's new solo previews are SO GOOD, what do you think of them?

Thank you both for notifying me about them! Taking a look now...

(The album is probably already out now, but... better late than never...)

Jakurai's A Majestic Figure

Title note: 4-kanji compounds are like the SAT vocab words of Japanese; they're not super common in everyday speech and can evoke a literary or sophisticated feeling. This one is...interesting. To the best of my knowledge, it isn't a standard compound (I'm also not getting any hits when I Google it) and I wonder if that's significant. It's just two words strung together to make the appearance of fanciness, perhaps. I couldn't say for certain. At any rate, both 威風 and (especially) 颯爽 describe a majestic, often captivating appearance. This isn't to say that such qualities of dignity or majesty aren't real, but I definitely feel like both terms are defining a subject from an outside perspective. These aren't terms I would ever expect someone to describe themselves with, which makes the song title sound like it's an outside observer commenting on Jakurai instead of Jakurai talking about himself. We see this happen a lot in Hypmic, with people putting Jakurai on pedestals or Jakurai struggling to see himself as the same grand figure others perceive him as. As a result, I wrote the song title as "A Majestic Figure" to emphasize the appearance of majesty, whereas the character of the figure is unknown. Anyway, let's dive in and see what this is all about.

(10 seconds in) Vibing with these instrumentals

(19 seconds in) Not vibing with these "ah"s... but we can't have everything in life

(43 seconds in) I'm a little too tired to fully keep up (I'll look up the lyrics when I'm done) but I REALLY like the urgency in the delivery, which is so at odds with the flowing, dignified background music. In JPN fiction as a whole, flusteredness/desperation is contrasted with calmness as a synonym for imperfection and perfection. Jakurai is, honestly, really kind of a desperate character...yet one that appears outwardly calm/perfect to most of the rest of the cast, so it's interesting that we get to see his desperate nature on full display right at the start of the song.

(1:26 in) Hand motif mentioned *Cinemasins ding* (of

(End) Thank you uta-net for having the lyrics up already; ily. Let's see now... Interesting. I'll have to read them again in more depth later, but it looks like a call to forgive past wounds and seek out a better, less painful way of existence--in a societal sense, a religious (as in like, ascending or becoming enlightened) sense, and a personal sense. All great things to see Jakurai expressing. Again, it's interesting to see Jakurai expressing this with such urgency, even if these are things we know he really, really cares about. That coupled with the background music seems to match a bit in the lyrics that says "And [to end war within society, paraphrased] I take grand, dignified action mixed with the discord and noise of Shinjuku, a samsara spiral of cacophonous echoes." Mixing the stately and the chaotic, the "imperfect" and the "perfect." Really interesting stuff!

Hifumi's The Beginning of the Last Song

Title note: "Last Song" is English and written in katakana, which is a sharp contrast to the style of Jakurai's title. Creates a much younger and casual feel appropriate for Hifumi. Not much else to say here, so let's jump in.

(10 seconds in) Modern indie pop song on the radio feel. I'm not a fan of autotune in general so I'm not in love with this, but I'm hopeful it'll pick up soon.

(22 seconds in) I listen to so much "soft hiphop" (for lack of a better term) during work that my brain instantly catapulted itself into work mode and stopped paying any attention to the words. Coffee mug? Check. Emails? Check. Anxiety? Check. Let me rewind and listen to this properly.

(32 seconds in but for real this time) So far, very Hifumi. Opening verse has some fun figurative language but essentially says Hifumi's suit is pure courage he dons like a suit of armor. In doing so, it masks him and makes him become like a whole other person. From there, he switches to addressing a listener: "I want to soothe your mental wounds. I want to change your frown into a smile. I won't let go of your hands, and no, I'm not doing this for a reward." It's something that Hifumi should be saying to himself (something Hifumi wants to hear, maybe?) and yet he says "To [Host!]me, this is happiness."

(59 seconds in) Hmm... I was going to say this song feels sad to me, because all these positive messages of "Keep going! You're safe now!" are framed as being directed at other people, and I was like..."Hifumi, who's going to say that to you? Who's going to help you feel that way?" but then the line "You made me realize I'm not alone" radically flips the framing so that it DOES become things Hifumi is saying to himself, too. How nice. :) I would not want to translate this, personally... Haha it's using the vagueness of Japanese grammar and lyrical conventions to great effect, but I don't feel comfortable touching that personally.

(1:02) Hell yeah, belt that shit, homie

(1:32) So it's a last song in the sense that it's a farewell or the final song of his old self. Now he's the new, healing Hifumi. We love to see it 10/10 bravo. The song is also a happy, heartfelt thank you to the unspoken listeners (presumably Matenrou) who helped him feel less alone. That's cute! I like it. I probably shouldn't go here, but I find it intriguing how the vagueness of listeners is utilized. The first time the listeners are addressed, the language is...if not borderline romantic, pathos-filled to the point where it's definitely evocative of his host job (hence why he's not seeking compensation for handholding, an often romantic gesture). Yet it's borderline enough that it wouldn't be inappropriate to imagine it being addressed to Matenrou instead of his patrons. Hahaha. Again, another reason I don't want to go near this one.

(Overall) I like it! A nice ballad for Hifumi.

Doppo's Andante

(5 seconds in) For a song called Andante, this has a faster tempo than at least one other song on this album lol. But it's much less frenetic than Doppo's other solos, so there's that, I guess.

(7 seconds in) This delivery is giving me anime ending made by a 2010s rock band vibes lol.

(14 seconds in) Damn there's a baller line here that I'm stumped on how to convey in Eng in a way that's both baller and sensical. Meaning wise, it's like "I want to take back the things I shouldn't have said and give them as a present to you" and in figurative language it's like "Once, I used to fire words into the air [speak things in anger or carelessly]. Now, I want to gather them up [esp. like a bouquet of flowers] after their flight and use them to decorate you [again, like flowers or like a piece of jewelry--it's a positive connotation]" Pop off, Doppo

(40 seconds in) Oh this is killer and also going to need some major explaining. Doppo's name is literally "he who walks alone" which is usually considered a positive thing--someone who "walks the path of life" alone would have gotten there by outstripping the rest of the pack. In Doppo's case, though, this is a negative thing. I think it's not as obvious to Eng-only fans, and I know I didn't really think about it for a long time myself, but Doppo considers himself a "loser" bc he didn't follow a conventional life path. It's considered atypical to switch employers, especially very early on in one's career, as he did when he stood up for Hifumi and got himself fired at his first job. Part of why he puts up with shitty treatment at EL Medical is because it's one of the few places that would hire someone who switched employers at such a young age. (Sidebar: My (probably flawed, as I don't live in Japan) impression is that this is becoming less and less of a thing as time goes on and the economy goes to shit, but I think it's the self-stigma more than anything else that's affecting Doppo. To me, it feel similar to the societal pressures in the US to attend and graduate from a four-year college. Plenty of people don't for all sorts of reasons, but because that's so ingrained as the default life story for Americans in a lot of communities, Doppo's dealing with the kind of disappointment and self-hatred someone who dropped out before getting a four year degree might feel.) Doppo beats himself up about that a lot, but here we get that lovely line of "In the waves of people (hitonami) passing all around me, I no longer see anyone who looks like me. It's a shame, because I always wanted to be just like everyone else (hitonami)." Outside of that beautiful wordplay on hitonami, we're also treated to the figurative language of hitonami being literally "in line with others." Doppo, a character who walks through life alone, wanted to walk through life at the same pace/reaching the same milestones at the same time as everyone else.

(1:04 in) "Life is a tightrope act; it's like walking a balance beam [lit. "average beam" aka a beam where everything is averaged/balanced]. In a country where not everything can be average (narasarenai) and where even if the things that [I] can accomplish (narasareru) don't matter [in the eyes of society], sometimes the sounds I want to make don't come out right (narasarenai). When that happens, I can call myself pitiful--or I can feel the breathing of the beautiful flowerbed that is this city, and when someone's humming under their breath disturbs that short break [lit. breath], I ask them 'So, what is this happiness thing anyway?'" I would rather die than TL this song but I'm LOVING the creativity and depth of the lyrics.

(1:27) WILD! FUCKING! CHEERING!!! "You fake smiles in a mirror to make other people happy and call it love. It's a form of hypnosis, and I've made a go of falling under its spell because I just want to be equals [on par with, balanced], and so if you and I can walk these crowded streets together, then I think I don't mind as much that I'm always walking alone." THE GROWTH! THE GROWTH!!!!

Damn, this album's lyrics go hard. What a feast.

[buff1y]

AM/ GN reader (cable chewing)

Guys I got this request to do "anything with biting AM's cables" on ao3 and had no clue what to do. I have no clue if this is what they wanted or what anyone wants but I had fun writing it. Anyway if you have any requests plz read my rules and feel free to ask! I'll make a master post tmmr when I feel like it. Also omg I suck at tagging posts. CW for blood.

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

You were soaked from head to toe. AM currently had you separated from the others, hiking through a constant downpour of rain. You had been walking alone for days with no clue of what lay ahead. What you did know was that AM had recently found a new way to torture you. During your trek through the rain, AM would play snippets of your favorite songs faintly in the distance. They weren't the real songs, lyrics would be wrong, instrumentals missing, but the faint memory of what you enjoyed so much pulled you forward. You tried your best to follow these sounds, but in your current state, doing as little as standing was hard enough.

Eventually your hard work seemed to pay off. You could barely make it out, but it was the vague shape of a boom box. You began to pick up the pace, as you grew closer you were able to make out music. It grew louder and louder until you were faced with the machine itself. The simplicity of the device compared to AM made you smile. You knelt down to observe the object, gently popping open the cassette deck. You pull out the cassette to try and see what it was, but any label had been scratched off. You put the cassette back and try to play it again, but the only sound of static was playing back. You frantically try to make any other sound play, desperate for any kind of music to remind you of anything else.

In your desperation, you begin to beat on the box, but the only sound it begins to make is the all too familiar voice. “Awe, is someone's toy broken? That’s too bad really, you know I was looking into it and you had great music taste. Well, emphasis on had, pretty hard to listen to anything when I’m all you have.” Tears begin to form in your eyes, you set the boombox aside and begin searching for something to fix the issue. Eventually you noticed the cord attached to the boombox. You begin tugging at it, but you soon realize this isn’t a normal cord, it seemed to have no end, this was one of AM’s cables. It was nothing special, you had been surrounded by them for what felt like forever. But this felt different. It being directly connected to something projecting his voice, something you felt wronged you on a different level. Something must of possessed you in that moment, but you began to tug as hard as possible, wrapping segments of the cord around your hand for more traction.

“Oh? Is someone getting all fired up? Are ya angry at me babe? Keep on tuggin’, see how far that’ll get you.” That set you off more. You kept tugging until you fell back on your butt. Staring back down at the cord, you decided to do the last thing your tired body could. You pick the cord back up and place the cord in between your teeth.

“Wow, are you that hungry? I knew you were weird but this is a new one.” Before he could make another snarky remake, you begin to gnaw on the cord as hard as possible, quickly finding out that was exactly what he wanted. You felt a sharp jolt travel through your teeth and into your skull, making your vision shake. Your muscles began to tense up, causing you to drop the cord into your lap.

“Are you all full now? C’mon we just got started.” The cord begins to slither around your waist, quickly approaching your mouth. “Open wide for me now!” He forces your mouth open, unhinging your jaw almost completely. The cord begins to snake its way in your mouth, touching every crevice inside. The cord begins to slide down your throat, making you gag. You claw at the cord, attempting to remove it from your mouth, but more of the cord slithers its way inside, rendering your attempts futile. The cord continues its journey in your mouth, causing tears to fall down your cheeks and drool to drip from your chin. “Disgusting, truly a heinous display.”

After a short while longer, AM must have grown bored with this game. He stopped pulling your jaw open, giving you some slack to move around. Before you could get used to your new found freedom, he took control of your jaw again. With all of your strength and then some, he smashed your teeth into the cord, biting down as hard as possible. Harsh shocks were sent through your body once again, while your gums began to bleed from the force of the bite. He let the currents run through your body, just long enough for you to maybe think he was finished. He finally began again, forcing your mouth to chomp on the wires rapidly, too fast for you to count, too painful for you to ignore. Blood began to replace the drool on your chin. 

Finally, once you started to choke on your blood, he stopped. The cord laid limp in your mouth and all around you. You lean over, coughing the cord and blood out of your mouth. The cord fell out in jagged pieces in front of you. AM’s voice returns from where you originally heard it. “That was real fun sweetheart, we should really go out to eat some other time. But maybe next time, my components won’t be the main course.” And with that, he was gone, or at least it felt like he was. There was nothing for you here any more, you stand up and continue your trek forward. The rain only growing harsher as you continued.

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

can we get a little sneak peek of I'll Write Your Name?🥹💕

It's coming along a bit slowly (end of the schoolyear means I don't get to write as much as I'd like!) but here's a little bit:

“Can I come see you in the studio?”

I looked up from the Scrabble board to find Roy staring at me, that hard stare of his that often accompanied a long silence. Sydney was curled up in his lap, enjoying a nice ear massage while we played a quiet game. Somewhere in the background, a movie neither of us was paying any attention to was playing, filling the room with something more than our lack of conversation.

“In the studio?” I repeated, cocking my head at him. “Is Keeley bugging you for pictures of something other than a Scrabble board?”

Roy smirked. “No,” he scoffed. “I was just thinking, you’ve seen me at work. How about you let me see you at work, sunshine?”

My gaze fell back to the board, to the word wrinkle that Roy had just put down. The album was coming along well, I admitted to myself. In fact, the majority of the songs were brand new as opposed to reworked lyrics from my old albums. Not that Roy Kent needed to know, but he was apparently quite the muse. In the back of my mind, I knew he’d hear all the songs eventually, but the little nervous part of me wasn’t quite ready for it- especially for him to hear them live in the studio.

And yet, those brown eyes had me murmuring, “Sure, Kent.”

[barrenclan]

I was about to say ‘maybe Malmo would suit Barrenclan’ but uh Rainhaze isn’t looking too hot and youch

ANYWAYS I think the song Malmo by Moon might suit Barrenclan as I mentioned before, specifically the popular part (it’s always the popular part)

Three of us sleep next to three others

(Not sure who it’d match)

It's hot and we rot in this oven

(referring to Barrenclan’s environment)

Now there's something about the language

(followed by next part, but maybe Rainhaze about the welcoming of death or injury in Defiance)

Something about these people

(Pinepaw with the new scar or maybe Corm or maybe Rain. I think they could all decently match??)

That look an awful lot like me

(Same as before, Pinepaw with the new scar or maybe Corm or maybe Rain. maybe even talking about Slug right now too)

I'm surprisingly accepting of this discomfort

(Why I said Rain is at this point (right before death but close enough) is because he didn’t seem to mind it anymore)

But I'm not trying to be much of a person right now

(don’t know)

I'm just trying to get some sleep

(Pine with the nightmares and now grief. also with the shock.)

Not sure if these actually match but they seem close enough and I’m very tired anyways OH MY RAIN HOLY BDDBXBBBDB

Wow, Paul Dano is in this band? That's cool. I like your analysis of the lyrics!

Why it's an absolute classic! In terms of characters I think it fits Deepdark a bit better than Rainhaze, though.

Do I even need the lyrics for I Can't Decide?

ANOTHER classic! I like this one sort of swapping off between Slugpelt and Rainhaze, where he's trying to get her to come back to him in their youth, but now it's flipped the other way.

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you

This one's been suggested a couple times, but I still really like it with Slugpelt, so here it is again.

I don't this it has! Ah, I recognize it from IncuriousCat, of course. They're very popular on this blog it seems. Rainhaze is a good character for song about making bad deals.

I'ma make a deal with the bad wolf So the bad wolf don't bite no more

My enemy is a friend of mine in a friendly place to be seen, hey You know I'll run away for a couple years just to prove I've never been free

Has Ride the Cyclone has a re-emergence? I feel like I've seen it a lot lately. It's nice to have a song with old BarrenClan anyways, before all the tragedy and drama.

What the world needs Is people like me To keep it all spinning around I'm the mover, I'm the shaker, I'm the headline-maker

He put it into words, and it's plain to see We need a little less of them A little more of me!

Yeah, I think you could chuck this in a Rainhazeward direction!

All this time, I've felt like my time to go would arrive That it can't last forever; I've been decaying Moldy scaffolding, ritual strangling No matter what I try, I seem to stay alive

My body should be cold The eyes of maggots gazing through to my soul I left so long ago Behind me are the tears I couldn't control

HOORAY! I'm a big Pink Floyd fan. It'd be so cool to see a "Trial" scene with him as Pink and all the other characters as the other roles.

Day after day, the love turns gray Like the skin of a dying man And night after night, we pretend it's all right But I have grown older, and you have grown colder And nothing is very much fun any more

Oooh, Bauhaus! Also a big fan of them. That's a good alternate voice claim for Deepdark, too.

Thank you, it is! I'm always taking more song asks, of which I have got quite a few. I'm glad you like the comic!

May you die wide awake With a look of great surprise May your eyes be taken just Before you can weep As you see what you stole stolen from you <- yuuuup rainhaze

Aww, that makes me sad. But it does fit well with them.

I dreamt I found you hanging I didn't know what it meant Your eyes would follow me through Everywhere I went

The window on the fifth floor Shattered as you wept What am I witnessing? What stories have you kept?

Damn ran outta links, I thought I got it this time

[fritz-federleicht]

okay but imagine a corpse x reader where the reader and corpse broke up because he couldn’t express his feelings. So during the readers stream chat tells her to react to corpses new song which was dedicated to them

look inside/ Corpse Husband x reader

Words: 768

FLUFF

-------------------------------------------------------

You drop into your chair and start the stream. You've been live almost every day for the last few weeks. Normally, you only streamed twice a week.

But since you broke up with Corpse, you've been distracting yourself with streaming. You still have feelings for him. Which is why you're in such a bad place.

"Hey guys, how are you doing?" You ask the chat. Immediately your question is answered. Most of them write that they had a good day so far. Others write that they are glad you are live now. Someone asks how you are doing.

"I am doing quite well. Thanks for asking." You lie and smile into the camera.

"Today we have a lot to do, chat. Today we will react to videos. Do you have any requests what I should react to?" You look expectantly at the chat.

The only thing you read is: 'Please react to Corpse's new song'. You briefly consider whether you want to respond.

The viewers don't know that you were together and just broke up. They think you are friends. And that you have always been friends. To keep up this facade you decide to react to the song.

"Corpse has a new song out?" You ask and type 'CORPSE' into the search bar on YouTube.

The song is immediately displayed first. It is called 'look inside'.

You get the assumption that this song is meant for you.

Although it says that this song was posted recently, you ask the chat if it is really the song that has just been released.

When they confirm it you say: "Let's do it" and click play.

A slow melody sounds. Since it is a lyric video you can read the text.

The deep voice of your ex-boyfriend sounds. You listen to his singing. He sings about how hard it is for him to open up to others. And to talk about his problems. He sings that he has tried. About how he wants to get better and try again.

The lyrics bring tears to your eyes. You've always known how hard it is for him to open up. You tried to deal with it. You really tried. Because you loved him.

And still do. That's why you're crying now. His words have touched you.

The song is over. You wipe the tears from your cheeks.

"That touched me now." You say. "I know someone like that myself." You think of Corpse, of course.

"What do you think of the song?" You look at the chat with still watery eyes. Since your vision is blurry, you run your sweater sleeve over your eyes.

All you read are compliments. You smile: "As you saw, I liked it too. He moved me to tears."

You stare at the chat for a moment. "Guys, I need to get a tissue. God, that song was beautiful." You are already gone and go into the kitchen.

You grab a tissue and go to the kitchen island. There's your phone. You reach for it and after a long scroll, click on the chat with Corpse.

The last message he wrote was just after you broke up. In it, he asked for forgiveness.

You click on the call icon. It takes a moment for Corpse to answer.

"Um, hey." You say shyly. "Hey..." Corpse greets you sadly.

,,I just reacted to your new song. Is this directed at me?"

Corpse clears his throat: ,,Yes it is. Y/N I still love you. I just want to know that I'm trying to change. And..."

You interrupt him: "Are you really trying to change?" "Yes. I'm trying to be more open and talk about my feelings."

You smile. "Corpse. I'd like to help you with that. I'll call you back later if that's okay. My stream is still on."

"Of course it's okay. So does that mean we'll see each other again from time to time?" Corpse asks hopefully.

"Yes, we will. But I have to hang up now. See you later." You say.

"I know we're not back together yet, but I love you. I've wanted to tell you that since we broke up."

Since you still have feelings for him, you say "I love you too" back. And add a bye.

"Bye Y/N."

You put your phone aside and sprint back to your computer. A big grin on your lips.

"So guys, what are we reacting to now?"

You look at the chat. It only asks where you have been for so long. You look into the camera and smile: "That's my secret."

[myymi]

ohh if you can i would appreciate some tips!! honestly writers are so admirable we dont give yall enough credit🙏🙏🙏

well, for me to give you the absolute best tips i can to help out, i need to know what exactly you're struggling with when it comes to writing. there are about a million different tips i can give you for about a million different things and some of those tips will be completely useless to you

for now though, i'll give you the things that help me getting into a writing mood + general tips i give to new writers and if you still need further help you can explain what exactly you're struggling with and ill do my best to help out;

1) whatever you learned about formatting essays; forget it.

a common thing i see in new writers is they try to write it like an essay. which isn't a bad idea really, but it is restricting. your paragraphs don't have to be four or more sentences. they can only be one if you want. it's your story, format it however you want. you don't need to follow rules

2) listening to music

this is mostly for when you have that one specific scene in your head but have no idea what to do for the rest of the fic. listening to music and connecting the lyrics to the characters you're using is a great way to get your mind thinking. one song can give you several different ideas depending on how you interpret it

3) make sure you are in a good mood

personally, i cannot write to save my life if im upset or just generally having a bad day. i know some people can use creating as a way to cheer themselves up, but it just doesn't work out for me lol

4) if you don't need background noise, don't use it

it's pretty easy to get distracted when writing, especially when you have something new playing. if you do need background noise of some kind, i would advise playing instrumental music or that one movie/show that you've seen a thousand times and could quote in your sleep. keep your focus on your writing

5) brackets will be your best fucking friend when writing

one of the most important things about writing is keeping your flow going. if you find yourself writing sentence after sentence for a good while and then you suddenly hit a stop because you don't know how to word what happens next; throw it in brackets and write the scene after it. its the same reason why you're told to skip questions you get stuck on when taking a test. let your brain do what it knows it can and come back to the tricky stuff later.

6) you don't have to write anything in order

you don't have to write a story exactly start to finish. you can jump between any scene you'd like and find out how to connect it to a different scene another time. this kinda ties into the last tip in the sense that you gotta let your brain do what it knows. if you only know the beginning and the end then write those first and figure out the rest as you go. if you need to edit either one of the previous things then that's okay. there's no shame in changing things around, it's just how creating things go. sometimes change is needed

7) writing prompts

for new writers, i like to tell them to find a prompt online to write a story for before they start their own. using a prompt someone else made keeps your brain from getting overwhelmed, allowing you to focus more on finding a writing style that works best for you. using writing prompts also lets your brain find ways to contribute to a story without having it make everything while also figuring out how to put it on paper. it's easy to overwhelm the brain, so let it get used to writing before you start creating your own ideas. (this is also something i advise to people who experience burnout or just cant think of anything to write. your brain just needs a break from creating ideas right now, go and find a prompt for it)

8) word count

listen to me because this is so important; ignore the word count. you need to focus on learning, not how much you're writing. it doesn't matter if you only wrote 50 words when other people have fics well over 50k. ignore it. you are learning, you'll get there eventually. if you focus too much on how much you're writing you're going to stress yourself out and ultimately drive yourself away from ever writing again. treat word counts as milestones. start with 50, then 100, then 150, then 200, etc. let yourself work towards it slowly rather than push yourself too hard right out the gate. you can't expect to draw the mona lisa the first time you put a pencil to a paper, so don't expect to write thousands of words the first time you write a story. it'll take time, and that's perfectly okay.

9) analyze the shit out of your characters

this is easier when writing fanfiction, but take a few hours to learn your characters. find the content they're in and hyper-focus on what they're doing. pay attention to their speech patterns, their body language, their relationships with others, etc. if they're not in a scene, try to imagine they are and what'd they do and/or say if they were. it'll help out with keeping them in character when writing

10) if you get to a point where you can't write anymore even when using brackets; stop writing for the day

we have our limits. you will get to a point where you can't get another word down and that's okay. it doesn't matter if you've only written a handful of words, close your program and wait until you feel motivation hit you again. if you keep trying to force yourself to write when you just can't then you're going to burn yourself out. the most probable reason for this is writer's block, which means you need to focus on other things for a while. give your brain time to recollect itself. it's annoying, i know, but it's better for you if you just let your brain do what it needs to. it knows how to take care of itself, so let it.

i also have a tag i use whenever i give tips, so you can check those out as well to see if anything helps! it's just writing tips