#i'm a piece of shit

[royaltrashkin]

Well. I'm off to go be a cunt on the internet. See ya later.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

@capdefrutes replied to your post “Hello! Thanks for your help in previous asks 🌞 Wanted some advice today too. I can't find a job and I'm feeling very useless and...”

Thank you very much for your wise words:-)

That sounds promising.

Also: I used to sometimes have this fantasy that if I was working very very hard then I'd have a magic reward, something that would make it all worth it. Something like "now I've gotten a perfect score on this quiz! This is as good as it can get! Time to collapse in ecstasy!" And that's what my life used to look like. But now I have gotten much better at staying focused and so the reward doesn't seem as big or as perfect.

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

[ghostwolf]

my friend have bonded with people online, they're friends now but i feel myself so abonded for this...

my friend take breaks from online sometime, but still post and be active with their new friends

it makes me feel that they're taking break from me, am i the case? it makes me feel so bad i'm literally crying while writing this.... sm shit is just fell over me, i can't handle anything, even things like this

the problem is not just that "what if my friend is tired of me?" it's that why do i text so much important stuff to them and they reply on least filled with sense texts, like, that's just makes me feel so unheard, i know it's a problem of me talking only to them, but i don't want anyone else, i don't need billions of friends, we had amazing friendship, but this "break from the adds" just suddenly started out of nowhere, my friend told me that they forsed themselves to keep in touch with my, but why now it's only me they're not talking to during that?

[stars-anon]

.

[starwarjotta]

looking for someone on Tatooine

[daughter-of-sapph0]

who had "jkr goes full nazi" on their 2024 bingo cards?

[zosanbrainrot]

He's just a dude, a birthday dude

[cangrellesteponme]

wife

[vaimetanyx]

I can't get over this guy and his terrible choices

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[giantkillerjack]

Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!

Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*

Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!

[tyonfs]

considering this is an nct blog, i feel obligated to voice my stance regarding the news from sm today. to put it simply: i will always be on the victim's side. fuck taeil. i wish nothing but the worst for him and hope his victims are able to find peace

[psychic-enemy-dragon]

Never feeled that worthless before like I do now.

[pondunderscore]

//gore, maggots

WILLIAM WISP.

[crisishauntline]

Why can't I keep a single promise to the people I love most in this world?