#i'm sure i missed some stuff but the essay was getting so long

[some-pers0n]

Demoman is one of the characters in the fandom I feel most people straight up ignore or don't know how to write. Blunt, sure, but I do stand by it. Demoman is such a fascinating, intriguing character with the most fleshed-out backstories, yet is oftentimes relegated to being Soldier 2.0, only now with poorly written phonetics.

In other words, hey! I'm a fanfic writer who has a ton of opinions as well as a neurotic need to analyze every character they come into contact with. Pleased to see you're reading this. I've already done a little doohickey essay like this with Medic a while back. The purpose of these long rambles is half of me combing through every instance of the character and pulling them apart to see how their character works...and also me not-so-subtly venting and complaining about mischaracterization. Shocking how a fandom where the main characters are all very clear-cut stereotypes with some slight subversions here and there can't seem to get them.

This essay will go through Demo's beginning and all the way to his latest appearance in the 6th comic. I'll touch on how his character shifts and is expanded upon. I doubt he changes as much as Medic has over the years, but I think it will be interesting to see. I'll just go over bits of characterization, try to rationalize it, and then try my best to sum up all of the traits by the end and try to describe his character in the most canon-compliant way.

With that preamble out of the way, let's begin. This is also 7k words btw just...be aware of that, okay?

Before we actually get into proper character stuff, I wanna lay the groundwork first by exploring the types of characterization I see from Demo. Pick them apart. See what they're really like.

So, of course, there's the popular Redditor opinion of Demo that's mainly shaped by the way people play him in the game. There, people will describe Demo as being generally a bumbling drunkard. It's not too uncommon to see people say that he's an angry drunk. A man who is more concerned with alcohol and drinking himself into a stupor than anything else. I've also seen people say that Demo straight up can't read, which...euhhhhggg. He feels more like an alternative version of Soldier at times, which, again, isn't accurate to his character.

I don't care at all for this characterization. I do think a good chunk is rooted in racism and it's generally very uncomfortable for me to look at for too long. This characterization is pretty shallow and empty, which makes for a boring and offensive caricature. Reddit moment.

The second one is more interesting and the version you'll see more on Tumblr. It's this...odd version of him. I can't exactly put my tongue on what is off about it. It seems more accurate to his character. He's a foil for Soldier a lot of the time (Boots n' Bombs is his most popular ship let's be real) and generally isn't exactly seen on his own. Sure yeah there's the oddball art of him and him only, but let's be real most of his tag is mainly just him being in the background or saying a jokey-joke.

I actually fell back into Ao3 for a bit to skim over some fics to see what kind of characterization there was of Demo there to refresh my memory, and some of the common throughlines was shockingly that he doesn't drink a lot. "He rarely drinks!" I remember reading once. That's not right, no. He's an alcoholic. Like that's a core part of his character. Another fic had him being called "Cyclops" as a pet name. Ew. Anywho, other than that it's Demo being pretty into cryptids, having the Eyelander as a buddy guy, etc and etc. It's fun, but also it's missing...something.

Then, it hit me: Demo rarely is seen as an individual. He reminds me of Heavy in that regard, where most of his appearances have him be the straight-man to another character. Most of the time he's secondary and just a folly for the other characters. It's disappointing in that regard. Like you see a lot more stuff for characters like Scout, Medic, etc and etc with their own unique characterization stuff and getting their own attention.

So...then what is Demoman's character, exactly? Well, that's what we're here to see. It'll be pretty interesting, no?

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So, funny thing is that Demo didn't change nearly as much as Medic has over the years. Sure yeah, the concept art of Demo was more of the generic stereotypical Scotsman. White, ginger, sideburns, that whole thing. Cartoony and fun design, but eventually they went with the Demo we all know and love today.

Looking at the concept art, it all seems pretty standard for the tone that Invasion was going for at the time. Nothing really to note there other than Demo's face being a stock angry grr grr expression. It is interesting to see how the idea of him wearing an eye was a constant even from the beginning though.

This then brings us to the voicelines. Ahh, good ol' characterization. Demo here is characterized as being jovial and having fun. He's throwing out insults left and right, damning them to hell and laughing at them as they die. Usual typical mercenary stuff. This is just personal headcanon material, but I always rationalize the way the mercs act on the battlefield as being a result from adrenaline and generally being drunk on blood. They aren't as mean when off the clock, but it's worth noting that these are how these characters act when a gun's in their hands and they're exploding people left and right.

TF2 really likes basing the characters off of the class they play as and how they act. Scout is fast moving and his gameplay is oftentimes getting right in someone's face and bolting, which is reflective in his hotshot personality. It's only reasonable that Demo is an explosive, fun, and generally cocky guy when out and battling. He's lobbing grenades and sticky bombs left and right. He isn't afraid to yell to the Medic he just blew up that he's been shagging his wife and calling the Scout he just chopped the head off "twinkle-toes". He teases and such when it comes to the other team.

However, the voicelines also very curiously give us a really fascinating look into his character. He's an alcoholic. He loves his scrumpy, which is not whiskey, shockingly. I thought it was whiskey for the longest time, but no! It's a cider! His stock melee is the bottle he uses to drink, now turning it into a quick weapon. His model in the main menu is him holding up the bottle itself. His default melee taunt is him taking a swig from the scrumpy bottle. It's a core part of his identity, let's be real. It's a part of the whole Scottish stereotype he has going on.

The game of course follows this. There's a lot of lines where he's slurring and babbling in a cartoony drunken way. A good portion of it is just him making vague threats...but a lot of it is also sad. He calls himself a one-eyed bloody monster. He weeps and cries. When jeering, he says he's hit rock bottom here. Interesting new development.

Apologizes for pausing to ramble, but I don't get why people try and sand down the edges to Demoman's character by making him out as though he isn't an addict. He is. That's something that is made abundantly clear. The iconography of alcohol follows him like his own damn shadow. I dunno. It bothers me.

I digress. There's some other bonus stuff I think is quite interesting. Most of his battle charges involve the other team. "Let's gettem lads!" and all. I think it's neat how he views his teammates as just that. Teammates. Those he fights alongside with. Another thing of note is how he occasionally has lines that are...odd in a way. Poetic and dramatic. Something that subverts the typical characterization. When he loses at rock paper scissors, there's a chance he'll say "Oh, 'tis a dark day", which. well then okay buddy.

So to recap: for characterization in-game, Demo is an alcoholic Scotsman who is generally pretty witty and functioning despite the incredible amounts of booze he drinks. He is energetic, bombastic, and generally hearty and having fun. He's not taking things terribly seriously and is generally just going about and blowing stuff up. However, there is a very noticeable streak of sadness to his character. When drinking, he reveals undertones of self-deprecation and hatred. Why? How?

...well, you just need to take a gander at his character card.

Erm excuse me what the fuck.

I honestly do not understand the logic behind this backstory. Like in a practical sense. Like, yeah!! obviously this backstory is sad and such! I really actually like this backstory and honestly I love writing him in the context that this happened to him. It's just that...I can't wrap my head around the idea of this being Demo's backstory given that everyone else has pretty silly little blurbs here. I think the darkest it gets is Soldier going to Germany years after WWII ended to kill people.

This??? Sure yeah TF2 gets a lot sillier and more cartoony comedic as time goes on, but even with the current tone where is the funny? I ain't complaining, I love me my angst, but this is so jarring to see. I suppose that explains why they retcon it later, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hey, at least it gives us an explanation to why Demo is sad. We can pretty easily gleam a reason for his current behaviour in the game from this: his messed up childhood. To begin, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot was abandoned by his parents and left to live in an orphanage. Eventually, he was adopted and brought up by some foster parents, who he then murdered in an attempt to blow up the Loch Ness monster. This was when he was six years old. Actual child. 

He then went back into the orphanage, where he would tinker with bombs. Why? Insert whatever headcanon here, but for me I think it's a feeling of fascination, yet also heavy guilt. Perhaps revenge. Either way, he loses his eye from these experiments. Eventually however, he's brought back into the family when word spreads of his excellence when it comes to manufacturing bombs. The use of the word "lovingly" feels exceptionally sarcastic, but that could be in part to how his parents are later characterized. Either way, this is a result of the DeGroot tradition, which, and I quote, is wholly unnecessary and cruel. It even cites it as him being reintroduced into his family as the "end of his unhappy childhood".

...so yeah. Pretty safe to say the reason for his alcoholism is to cope with that. He feels the guilt over that and will breakdown into sobs over it even. Yikeesss... It can also mean that he feels as though he's held up to incredibly high expectations, having the entire DeGroot family lineage to live up to. Again, later on he's being nagged at for not being as hard-working as his father, who, in good ol' TF2 fashion, blew up the Queen for a nickel. It does certainly feel that way, no?

So this introduces a new wrinkle to Demoman's current characterization: he's an alcoholic who is happy and has an upbeat and fun personality (at least on the battlefield), but underneath it he's hurting and feels ashamed of who he is. He drinks to cope and manage it, yet it only seems to exasperate problems at times.

Can I safely say that Demo is the merc with the most fascinating and intriguing backstory and personality thus far? Sure yeah I love Engie a lot as well, but Demo's character actually feels like it is a result of the backstory written for him. Like all of the other mercs sure you can go on and on about stuff with them, like Scout and Spy and their whole deal, Sniper and his parents, everything with Heavy, etc. Demo?? Right off the bat there's something to chew on in terms of actual character writing.

What an interesting character! I sure hope later installations of the story will follow through on this and give him ample screentime!

Anywho, time for the Meet the Demo video. Again, a departure from the Meet the Medic video and how I rambled on and on about that one, but it was mainly due to MtM being something to mark a drastic shift in Medic's character from serious and angry to more silly and mad scientist-esque. Meet the Demo, due to it being one of the Meet the Team videos made so early on, doesn't really get the benefit of a short with a story, but I digress.

This one is stylized more like an interview, which, in canon, means he's telling this all to The Director and all. It opens with the title screen before the horns section seep in, cutting to a clip of Demo running while explosions go off behind him. A freeze frame cut before a voice-over of Demo comes on with the iconic line "What makes me a good Demoman? If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be here discussing it with you, now would I!?"

Okay so just more confirmation and all of Demo's personality in-game. According to his bio, he has a short temper and all, which could explain him getting louder when asked that question. I don't think it's a joke or him exaggerating, since he seems genuinely pretty upset by the suggestion. He would have to be good at his job in order to be telling you this, yeah? Why even bother asking? It's an interesting bit of characterization that somewhat expands on that short temper.

More generic footage of him running about while explosions go off before coming back to the interview of him explaining a bomb in its simplest form. "One crossed wire, a wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablewie!!" Seems like filler dialogue, but I always like taking note of the fact he uses the chemical compound term as opposed to something more colloquial. It's just headcanons, but I really enjoy thinking that Demo is pretty damn smart and really gifted when it comes to making bombs and general chemistry. It's a clear passion and love of his and I like touching on it when I can.

The next couple seconds are shots between him taking a good swig of his scrumpy and then blowing up a level three sentry. It's just showing off his capabilities as a class. Nothing special (other than being cool and showing he's competent at his job). The real interesting part is his breakdown where he's on the verge of tears, exasperatingly telling the camera that he's...off. He knows it. There's not too many black Scotsmen, especially ones with a busted eye. "They've got more fucking sea monsters in the great Loch Ness than they got the likes of me" he says.

But, he perks up! He talks over a clip of him baiting a group of BLU mercs into a sticky trap. The voiceover is also really fascinating here. The way Demo talks reminds me something out of an Aesop fable. It's a very curious and fascinating way of talking. I wish this bit of characterization stuck around since it's pretty fun. "Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the ol' brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable...with an unhappy bloody end!" is really cool.

The video ends with him taunting the mangled corpses followed by a rendition of the main theme with bagpipes. I should probably also mention Drunken Pipe Bomb, his theme song. It's an upbeat and fun piece with a mixture of the typical TF2 sounds (funky jazzy drums and bass guitar) as well as a Celtic flair, what with bagpipes, whistles, etc and etc. There's also a kickass surf rock section. It's quite the battle theme and definitely reflects a lot of Demo's character as being an energetic, explosive type of character who is proud of his Scottish roots.

So that's pretty much it for SFM bits for now. How about we take a step back and look at the first-ever actual TF2 comic: WAR!, where Demo really gets a big break for his characterization. We don't care about the Saxton Hale or Jarate ones. WAR! my beloved...

But first, the actual WAR! update. It was the sixth major content update released back in 2009. Remember when this game got actual content updates? Me neither. The update was based around the rivalry between the RED Demo and the BLU Soldier to excuse why they were adding new items for the both of them, with Soldier in the end winning the little contest and getting the Gunboats.

For canon lore, the update serves to introduce the idea that the RED Demo and BLU Soldier had a comradery at first. Friends! Interesting piece of characterization to have Demo explicitly go against RED and become friends with Soldier. The two of them do bounce off of each other quite well when they're paired up, I will say. They're both heavy-hitters in terms of gameplay and their personalities are quite loud at times.

For added voicelines, there's a bunch of the Administrator denouncing their friendship as well as domination lines for both Solly and Demo whenever they kill each other. Demo pretends he hates Soldier, but asks if he's okay, tells him that he loves him, and generally is like "but we're still friends though, aye? :]" He does care a lot about their friendship, which is pretty sweet and cute. Sure hope that lasts.

In the WAR! comic, we see Demo in a mansion. He's loaded! It's also confirmation that the mercs are given quite a lot of money, but apparently not enough for Demo's mother. She's nagging him about not working and saying that he should be ashamed for being so lazy, to which he rebuttals, saying he has three jobs and has made millions annually. Apparently not enough for his mother, since Demo's father worked twenty-six jobs.

She also brings up an interesting piece of information. "No demoman worth his sulfur ever had an eye in his head past thirty!" which implies that missing an eye is a family tradition to lose your eyes when working this job. Would this also imply that Demo is not thirty by this point, since he still has the one eye? Eh, whatever. 

Demo taking care of his mom in this old, nagging state is pretty neat characterization, as well as him holding down two other jobs besides mercenary work for RED. He's very capable and talented! He's also extremely caring and sweet. Even when his mum is complaining and griping about him not living up to his father, he gets her tea and takes care of her. He does respond with a lot of "I know mum" when it comes to that. He's heard it all before. She keeps saying the same stuff. I like thinking he knows fully well he can't live up to the extreme work ethic his father had or truly impress his parents and is pretty bummed out about it, but that's just headcanons.

Anywho, Pauling's there. She's there because the Administrator wants to break up the friendship between Demo and the BLU Soldier and instead have them be pitted against each other. While Soldier needs to be tricked and insulted by Demo and told that he's a civilian (something that he hates apparently), Demo is more coerced and convinced.

He's still loyal to their friendship, but, aye, there's something different about that sword there. Here's an interesting bit of characterization: Demo being a sword guy. There's a lot of medieval stuff relating to Demo, what with DeGroot's Keep, the Eyelander, his general way of speaking at times, etc and etc. It's fun and I think he takes great interest in medieval-period stuff, but, again, headcanons.

Demo feels conflicted. How could she make him choose between his best friend and this cool ass sword?? He doesn't give an answer, but Miss Pauling further pushes him to choose violence when leaving even more stuff for him as well as telling him that Soldier said that he'll join the fight. It's then assumed that Demo agrees by that point.

It's interesting to compare and contrast Demo and Soldier. Soldier, despite hearing all of these mean things, still wants to be friends with Demo. It's until "Demo" calls him a civilian, something personal and sensitive to him, is when he decides to betray him. Demo meanwhile is more swayed by things that he loves, but the final push is that betrayal. He only acts when he's finally told that their friendship has been severed. Curious how their loyalty is strong in those ways.

...I should probably sometime mention the actual retconning of his backstory however. Hoouhhh boy let's go. So, for the 2011 Halloween update, there was a comic alongside it. This comic had some cute gags, like Heavy giving a little boy he scared seven grand. However, the main attraction is the rewritten backstory for Demo.

I mentioned earlier, but I honestly can't blame them for maybe trying another crack at a Demo backstory that isn't as bleak and miserable. I do really like the original one because I'm a sucker for angst, but this backstory does work a lot better tonally when you're just trying to write some goofy stuff, especially if it involves Merasmus at some point.

The story retcons the whole thing and seemingly makes it so that Demo has always been with his parents and the reason he lost his eye was not because of some brutal accident but rather a currrseeee ooohhhh spookyyy. He's hired by Merasmus to sweep up the place a bit, with him being exceptionally clear to young Tav to not touch any of the accursed tomes. He does, of course. Nothing too much in terms of characterization. It's more just saying "Hey Demo's eye is cursed and that's why he lost it but! hey! it comes back once every Halloween!!"

Again, I can't really knock this version of events. They're simple, but goofy and fun. It's all up to whatever you're trying to accomplish with Demo methinks. If you want silly and whimsical stories, you can have that backstory. If you want gut-wrenching angst, probably should take the initial one.

Aanndd that's virtually it for Demo being important. Demo doesn't get too much plot relevance later on. He's just kinda done with. He shows up in Expiration Date for a quick gag where he returns with a bunch of beer, shouting and cheering while being unaware of how they all just learned they're going to die in three days. He then shows up again during the bucket scene and doesn't do much other than mouthing somethin' (I can't tell you want tbh). A new thing is that he plays piano! That's fun! He then kinda watches Scout try and ask out Pauling and he yells for him to describe what she looks like, which is just what Demo currently sees her as (drunk, blurry, etc). He then fights in the big battle yada yada and shows up at the end with the beer again.

The MVM trailer I suppose is a thing to be noted. Here, he's a BLU Soldier and is playing cards with the Soldier of the same team. Seems like regardless of teams, there's some sort of bond between the two of them. All that happens is that Demo is down to bust up robots with the rest of the RED mercs. Pretty much it.

It is quite unfortunate to see Demo relegated to a role so passive in the story and comics. I've mentioned it before, but I do have an ever so slight grudge against Soldier for taking up the majority of the screentime when it comes to the comics. Yeah, he's really fun to write about, I can't blame the writers for doing so, but also like...c'mon... In the end, we're left with a good chunk of the mercs being underdeveloped in exchange for a ton of Soldier trivia. Props if you like Solly though; your fave got the best treatment.

Ah, but still! Demo has some moments in the comics! Let's go through them! 

Uh. Upon checking most of the comics before the mainline ones, it appears he does not say even a single word. Or even show up in a good portion. Well that's disappointing. I thought he at least said like...one thing. The most he does in terms of characterization is put on a crown in A Fate Worse Than Chess, and even then that's just a silly cosmetic. Damn.

It's fine though! Because now we have the mainline comics! Hot damn finally some actual casual Demoman TF2 writing! Let's get a look and see what his normal usual personality is like! I wonder what fun shenanigans he's been up to.

The first time we see Demo he's babbling about his job being replaced by robots and looking utterly dishevelled and depressed.

Okay. That's...yeah pretty in line for his character thus far. An alcoholic who is struggling with some stuff and oftentimes will have a very vocal breakdown in front of others.

The way that he's characterized here is rather fascinating though, I'll say. He's depressed. From what we can glean, this is what his life has been like since the layoffs. He's gained weight (what with Soldier's very blunt "Hello fat Demoman!"), hasn't shaved, his clothes are dirty, and beer bottles are scattered in the living room. Even the Eyelander is like "dude you need to let it go" when Demo mumbles about robots replacing jobs. He's presumably lost his two other jobs and has just been laying on this couch, drinking booze and watching TV and nothing more, despite his mum's nagging.

This is a side of Demo we don't really see. Sure, yeah, we see the hot and tempered side (ex: Meet the Demoman and the general game) as well as the sad and weepy side, but it's never to this degree. Like full on depressive episode. Yikes. Sure yeah he gets dragged back into the plot and instantly gets back to himself (albeit more orange than actually black)(I keep forgetting how whitewashed Demo was in these first few comics), but it's played for laughs and gags.

What an interesting piece of characterization, no? I've seen a fair amount of major depressive disorder, BPD, PTSD, and or bipolar headcanons slapped onto Demo and tbh I can't blame them. I'd be really interested to see some fic explore that in greater detail. I'm too busy writing Engiemedic yaoi to do anything for now though. Womp womp.

The ending bit of the comic has Demo and Pauling mainly chat with each other. Oh yeah!! Demo and Pauling! They've got a couple pretty neat lines. For the usual contract it's just jokes about his alcoholism, his eye, and a couple about his mom and just general gags. In the Tough Break update, she's out drinking with Demo and nearly spills the beans about her job. Fun. I really like the Miss Pauling characterization where she regularly hangs out with the mercs. It's cute.

In the comics, she talks to Demo more like an actual equal than, say, Pyro or Soldier. She talks to them like they're children roughhousing in the backseat. Demo sits up front and the two go back and forth. Demo is the more mature and reasonable one here. Another thing that's a common bit of characterization in the comics is that Demo isn't...drunk. He's not slurring nor acting in a way that makes it immediately clear he's inebriated. He's pretty lucid. This can be from the fact that he's a very high-functioning alcoholic, but it also makes him out to be actually pretty all-there for most of the time. I've seen far too many fics where Demo is in a perpetual state of shitface drunk so that was a nice refresher.

Demo reappears in the second comic, where we get some pretty neat characterization. He's out on the town in disguise. I keep forgetting about that "What do you see?" "Not a damn thing. Let's switch places" gag that's so funny. Whatever. He is the voice of reason when it comes to Soldier. The straight-man character. He's not really...drunk here. He's not slurring his words nor is he exactly doing anything. He steps in front when Soldier starts yelling at an elderly woman, instead approaching her with a calm and kind demeanour. He holds Soldier back when he goes to strangle Scout for. I guess just being there.

So there's Demo when he's just doing stuff normally, I suppose. He's generally pretty level-headed, albeit because he's up there with Soldier. He's the Normal One when posed next to a guy like Solly. A little disappointing, but there's probably more in comic 4.

Ah the Swordvan comic. Demo and Pauling head over to Sniper's house to retrieve him. An odd bit of characterization is that Demo just takes one look at Snipes' house and goes "Welp, nobody's here. Let's get out". He doesn't seem terribly thrilled to be here, further backed up by him saying that there's just gonna be fingernails and jars of piss and he straight up says "good riddance" like what is his issue with the bushman??

Now that's kinda interesting. Demo sees Snipes as being kinda just gross and a raving lunatic. He could easily be in-place for the audience and just saying what we're thinking, but I think it's interesting to see that Demo, the guy often portrayed as being the weirdo party guy, being very straight-forward. He think Sniper is some sadistic madman and just wants out. Unfortunately, he's given a neckfull of Sniper's homemade family moonshine, so he can't get out quite yet.

A very common thing in these comics it seems is Demo being the voice of reason, which is pretty interesting. The straight man to everyone. When he wakes up to Pauling spitting on him to wake him up, he goes "eughhh gross, but, hey, it worked!!" before then is knocked out. He then stays quiet for the rest of the scene, unless of course you're counting the deleted pages. There's no dialogue, but Demo breaks free from the ropes binding him, yells at Sniper, then pushes past before then inserting three syringes-worth of the moonshine into himself and passing out. Alcoholism joke as per usual. Shockingly the first one we've gotten so far.

In the submarine ride down, Demo's passed out with his scrumpy in hand. Again just a gag about him drinking a lot. He then kinda stays in the background for the rest of the comic, only appearing really once to hold a vat of liquor, before then coming to in the final shot where he holds Sniper's dead body. Heyyyy Demo I thought you thought Sniper was a weirdo freak.

Nothing too much to say from this comic then. It's just establishing more and more that Demo plays a very...straight-man character role when it comes to the comics at least. He's reasonable, level-headed, and often just says whatever comes to mind. He's kind and will instantly rush to someone's aid when they're hurt as well as just generally being pretty good-hearted. Nice!

Comic 5 mainly just features a gag with Demo's liver being so overworked that he starts turning his other organs into alcohol distilleries. The whimsy. The line that I find most fascinating from this comic is from Spy.

Like oh okay so he straight up doesn't eat anything other than alcohol and aspirin. Water literally poisons him. Probably just a throwaway gag, but geez. It does say that he is kinda in pain all the time, at least to the point where aspirin is one of the few things his body can handle. Someone out there can probably work with that and make it angsty. Other than that, not much else for Demo.

Comic 6! The final one! Home stretch here folks before I can wrap this up and give a thesis on whatever the heck Demo's character is. Demo, again, is mainly just here for gags. It's the one thing I do really wish that the comics did more: explore Demo's backstory. Like you don't even need to keep the original one, but it's still fascinating to bring up the fact he has a family lineage at all. Instead, he's mainly just a straight-man character. But, hey, whatever. I'm just the one analyzing these silly comics and jokey joke characters for gay melodramatic yaoi fanfiction.

There's a gag about Demo's liver coming back to him after leaving. These soap opera drama scene could parallel the type of shows that he was watching when having that depressive episode, but that's maybe a bit of a stretch. He then gets included in that fun group shot, where his pose mimics that from the Meet the Demo, before then gets a one-on-one scene with Medic. 

These two are such a fun duo I wish Jaggerbombs was a more common pairing. Ah well. Medic catches Demo up on everything whilst he's stitching up wounds. The medi-gun is broken so they're doing this the old-fashioned way. Demo has a gag where he's still drinking, only that it's hydrogen peroxide instead. This then leads to a scene where Demo asks why Medic never gave him an eye. Reasonable methinks. Medic responds saying he did.

Demo gets upset. He raises his voice for the first (official) time in the comics. Again, his temperament. I think it's a reasonable thing to be upset about tbh. Like imagine being told after all this time you could've had your eye back. He then learns that, no, the procedure has been done before, but rather that it never sticks because of how his eye socket is cursed. Demo asks how he can't remember this, to which Medic goes "Hooh :] It's because I scooped out a part of your brain" because of course he did. He then forgets the entire conversation + probably Medic entirely.

Aaannnddd that's pretty much it for Demo. That's his last speaking role. Just a quick, simple gag about his eye being cursed, his alcoholism, and generally being the straight-man for others, even if he does have a couple silly gags too. Seems like a culmination of everything he is in the comics.

To conclude: Demo is a character I feel can take on two main roles depending on what kind of tone you're going for. If you want angst, you've got a character who carries the guilt of murdering his foster parents as well as the burden of being a DeGroot, turning to alcohol to cope with his sadness and general inability to deal with it all. If you want silly goofy stuff, you have Demo being a straight-man or a neat party guy if you like the bit from Expiration Date where he brings back beer and such. Of course there's nuance. I find it best to try and find a balance between these two opposing sides. It just takes time and practice to really get a hold of his personality methinks.

I do wish he was more in the comics though as his own person, y'know? He's very reliant on others in order for his character to function, whilst most others have scenes where it's just them doing something. I wish he was used more than being the guy who drags the others back to reality. Damn it sucks to see that the fics where he's mainly just the straight-man are kinda right in that regard.

But for character traits? Hm, let's see. I find it's just trying to make sense of what's given to you and seeing what best fits for the tone of story you're trying to go for. However, for me trying to write him? Well...

His alcoholism is a central character trait. He is definitely 100% an alcoholic, regardless of however people try and sand him down. I personally really like sticking to the idea that he straight up can't eat anything but booze and aspirin because I think it's funny but also sad, but that's me. I think him having a flask of scrumpy on his person at all times is a neat headcanon as well.

Another big trait with Demo is his frequently shifting mood when drunk. He can swing from loud to weeping in a couple moments. I wouldn't say he's particularly angry nor aggressive, no more than any other character at least. He's most volatile on the battlefield, but otherwise at the base I feel it wouldn't be an uncommon sight to see Demo partying until dawn or holed up in the living room and sobbing. Poor guy.

In spite of what many think, Demo is certainly not lazy. He's a workaholic is anything. He holds down three jobs and rakes in a lot of money in order to live up to his name as a DeGroot. It could be because he likes working that much or that his mother just nags him to push himself that far. That also ties into his self-deprecation, another core trait of his, but that's pretty obvious to see.

His heart is another big trait. The guy loves. He cares for his mother even when she nags at him. He sticks by Soldier's side until he feels as though he's been betrayed. He takes care of the Eyelander and treats it like a pal. He generally cares a whole heck of a lot about people and other things. He wears his heart on his sleeve and says what he means. He doesn't feel a need to really hide who he is as a person. He's loud, fun, and just naturally pretty sweet and kind. I don't think he's ever really "mean" outside of the game stuff. There's also the whole "being hired to explode people" part but ehhh that's just the silliness in him :]

Demo also being generally pretty...normalish. He's a guy who's really just going through it when you take the angst option. He oftentimes will try and hold back others from doing something stupid when sober. I feel like when he's drunk he's more willing to get in on dumb shit, but still. However, this doesn't mean he's wholly a normal person. I think you can do a lot of headcanons here where you bring out some traits that are otherwise not talked about too much.

There are a lot of liberties to be taken with Demo's character as per usual. A ton of writing a character to be, well, in-character is just getting down their voice and mannerisms. Understanding their personality and motives is just half the battle. Demo sometimes speaks like an old-timey medieval knight or poet or whatever. He's generally pretty well-spoken and whatever. For the love of god if you want to write him, you don't need to include phonetics constantly. Please. It's so much better that tu'try toh spell everay whurd like tis. Oftentimes people will just know what the character sounds like regardless. Just try and mimic his way of speaking more and you'll do wonders for actually making that character sound like, well, that character.

I've neglected to mention Demo being a black man a lot because, well, it never really pops up a lot in canon. I think the most recognition we get for Demo being black is him just saying that he's black. He's a black Scotsman and that's about it. It's curious since I've seen a number of fics where it's all period-typical racism angst and whatever, with Demo being used as a way for the author to get up and proudly say that they think that racism is bad by having Demo being called a slur and getting upset. How progressive. 

I dunno. I never really personally touch on period-typical bigotry stuff myself due to the fact that this is Team Fortress 2. Rocket jumping was invented before stairs. Besides, this is the late 60s/early 70s. The civil rights movement happened by this point. Not everyone walking the streets is gonna be some abrasive bigot. I don't know why people want to try and make it "historically accurate" to begin with since this series has never been period-accurate to begin with. I don't particularly think TF2 is a great series to go on about tackling period-typical bigotry either. Literally if you want Demo angst you've got the actual mountain load of angst with his backstory right there. Obviously of course people are allowed to write what they want and I do fully believe that sharing stories and portraying bigotry is important, but why with TF2??? Do people just really look at a POC and think their existence is inherently political and they need to make it clear they think Racism Bad, even though the tone of canon really doesn't match that?? Ah well. I'm just rambling.

Regardless, Demo is just a character where you can take a lot of different avenues with. Maybe you can explore his trauma and try and write about how he feels trying to live up to his family name. What about his issues with his now-deceased father? Maybe you can forgo that and have him be a partner in crime to Solly or whomever else, with the occasional glimpse into his more sensitive self. Really, it all just depends on the story you're trying to tell. Ultimately, writing Demo with a healthy mix of comedy and angst is probably what is best done if you just want a pretty in-character version. He can be out on some grand adventure to take down Nessie with a merc or two AND have it be a story about him coming to terms with his past. That's just a me thing though lol.

Demo, like the rest of the cast, is an easily moldable piece of clay. All of the mercs at their very core are just funny character archetypes. They can be whatever you want them to be. It's just best to work with their original characterization and personality in mind, y'know? Fanfic writing is mainly about having fun anyway.

Speaking of which, enough procrastinating for me. I need to get back to writing my yaoi...

[smolvenger]

Hot for Teacher (Professor! Tom Hiddleston x fem! Reader Oneshot)

Summary: After being private about your relationship, your professor boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, introduces you to his students.

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Some thirsty comments and cursing, but no smut. Established relationship and lots of fluffy moments. Grammar and spelling mistakes that slipped past me. Reader not being a student and being an Adult Adult (tm). A big fancy ball because I decided not some hum drum party was gonna do. (I'm the writer, I can do what I want). I rip off YouTube comments and Ana Huang and stuff I see on Tiktok and Instagram.

A/N: For @holdmytesseract's request! I am sorry this took a while due to stuff happening, but here it is!!!

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr

You always visited the campus coffee shop on Mondays at 10 am to overhear students being thirsty for your boyfriend. You couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at their comments. They were leaving their English Literature Survey class. Only they weren’t discussing books.  

“Sooo nice of him to lower the word count for the essay, he knows it’s a lot.”

“Holy crap, did you see how tight his shirt was today? I could practically see his titties.”

“He needs to quote Shakespeare again. I think I’m developing a kink.”

“If I caught my girl in bed with Professor Hiddleston, I’d tuck him in.”

“If I was at the club and Professor Hiddleston was hitting on my girl, I’d start to cry…because he didn’t choose me.”

“I’m a hardcore lesbian, but Professor Hiddleston is on my cheat card.”

“I’m a hardcore asexual, but Professor Hiddleston is so hot that if I had to get pregnant I’d want him to do the honors.”

You sipped up your drink, sitting in a far corner. Smiling bright as you heard them. Stifling a laugh so hard you could feel your drink always threatened to snort out of your nose. You would cup your face, ensuring they didn’t take note of you. Even get out the notes app on your phone to type them down. Not that you’d ever show him. 

He was their hot Professor. But to you, he was just Tom.

Just Tom. A boyfriend who cared for you respected you, and listened to you. Who did the bare minimum and so much more. They didn’t know his flaws, living with each other's smells and body odors and functions and insecurities. And the little, beautiful moments that made you all the more in love with him. How you would both go to bookstores and geek out after certain works, make a mess in the kitchen trying a new recipe, or stay in your pajamas until 1 pm watching something on the TV. Did they know how loud he snored at night? Or how sensitive his neck was? Or that he was fidgety if he sat too long? 

Then one of them said “His girlfriend is one lucky ass bitch. I wonder what she’s like?”

“Oh…he hasn’t said anything about a girlfriend, do you think…he’s single?!” one asked.

They all shot up like meerkats with big smiles.

You froze, only staring quietly at your drink. 

Tom didn’t talk about you in class. Nothing. Nada. Goose eggs.  They didn't know you existed.

So far you were sure they were not little homewreckers- not successfully, at least. You trusted Tom and he trusted you and his students respected his boundaries. But he blocked them on social media so they wouldn’t dig anything about him. Tom was a private person and he wanted that to be respected by his students. 

When you both met to hang out and make dinner later that evening- his special Spaghetti bolognese recipe, he gave you a hug and kiss on your head.

“Oh, you missed a spot!” you teased.

His eyes crinkled beneath his glasses.

“Oh- uh,” he voiced out.

You dived in to kiss him on the lips, his beard scratching your chin.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Oh, just fine. Your students were…wondering about me today. I saw them at the shop.”

“They didn’t recognize you?”

“No- they don’t know what I look like. Or about me, period…we’ve kept it that way…”

Both of you got into the kitchen, rolling up your sleeves and preparing the pasta and sauce. It smelled of garlic, onion, and olive oil, making your stomach rumble. How easily smelling that in a kitchen could solve all of your problems!

He smiled at you. Then, as the pasta was set to boil in the pot, he turned to you. His sleeves rolled up (making you giddy inside) and his face was a little flushed from the heat of the steam from cooking.

“My angel, I don’t want to keep you in hiding- and you shouldn’t.”

“Tom, what do you mean?” you asked. You stirred the sauce, then tapped the spoon and set it on a jar for attempted cleanliness.

 I love you. And this is a part of my life…would you like to meet them? I promise you, they won’t hurt you. I won’t let them!” 

He went up to hug you from behind and you watched the simmering food.

You paused, taking in a breath. What were you afraid of? Were you ashamed of Tom or being with him? No, not a bit.

 You turned around to face him.

“They’re college kids. They’re basically puppies…I think I’d like to meet them.” you agreed

--:::------::------------------->◇<--------------------::------:::---

You both decided what event it should be that you would meet them. There were events called Bookish Balls that were all the rage now. It was a prom for adults. Proms where everyone dressed like fantasy characters and showed off costumes and even cosplays. It was everything from complex armor to a dress with some elf ears on. 

You knew he had a Shakespearean-era outfit from a play he did that he kept you just had to find the right look. It would be more exciting and less creepy then if you jumped on them at the mall like a pair of stalkers. 

And the ball looked like fun.

You and Tom both arrived. He was in his Shakespearean garb and crown. You had your own outfit- you adored it. You couldn’t help but look at each large mirror you walked by as you walked down the dim hallways with carpeted floors.

All the students were talking about it- tickets were 60 percent off for students. Since they were all raving about these hot new fantasy books between their required reading of Dickens. They all rattled their iced coffees like maracas and gossiped and shared pics of their outfits on their phones every day before class according to Tom. Most of them would all be there.

Little did they know their Professor was going to be there, as well as his girlfriend.

You both arrived at the fine, fancy hotel. Tom was dressed in his leather doublet and pants with a large cape and a grand crown. Ever the king. You had splurged on the fancy outfit you wanted badly- and you felt as if you were a heroine in a story as you walked through.

“You look stunning- they’re going to adore you,” Tom assured you.

You hoped so. If they met you and humiliated you in some way tonight or after, you would move to Antarctica and learn to speak penguin. 

Taking his arm and feeling like royalty, you both went down the fine large building. You saw people gathered. There were some stage lights and the large gala room had trees with flowers everywhere as well as thrones, little game booths photo booths, and a banquet. And, of course, a packed dance floor. A live band played. Many people wore crowns and wings and elf ears and were dancing away with zeal. Women twirled their ballgown skirts with smiles so big it lit them up. Many flicked their capes dramatically or wrapped around them like blankets. There were fairy lights and glitter everywhere and there were photo ops and even a costume contest. It was in full sway.

 Including a crowd that included Tom’s students. They jumped up in time to the song, breathlessly singing along to every word.

Tom held out your hand, both of you feeling like the king and queen looking over their jubilant subjects. You both walked down. Hoping your outfit looked as nice on you as you hoped it would.

The song was entering its last chorus. The student's backs were turned and their capes and wings were bouncing as they danced. They hadn’t noticed you yet.

He went to his group of students and cleared his throat. At once they turned their heads.

They looked at him and then you and their jaws dropped.

Tom said.“hello, here is  Y/N, my beautiful, amazing girlfriend.” He then leaned you in and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

All of their eyes bugged out of their skulls and jaws dropped like broken nutcrackers among them.

You were worried the girls in the group would glare at you like they were going to rip out your stomach intestines.

But instead, all of them collapsed into a collective “AAaaaaawwwwwww, hello!” and “What?! WHAT?!” Their eyes flitted toward Tom in tight leather (who wouldn’t?) and you in your presence. 

You went up like in any social situation. You gave them a smile- warm, genuine, polite, and friendly.

“Hi there, it’s nice to meet you- I heard all about you guys!”

You shook their hands. You got to meet them and learn names- Kelly, Hailey, Jessie, Emily, Daniel, Isaiah, Chase, Cameron, Kat, Miranda, Edgar, and so many more your head spun. But you eventually got it with practice.

But they let you dance with them. Be relaxed and have fun. It moved from a band to a playlist of all the classic dance songs. The band blasted Single Ladies and the girls invited you, dragging you in. You tried to copy the moves from the music video, but couldn’t quite and they all burst into laughter anyway.

It then slowed down- it was a ballad, the Cody Fry song about falling in love being like a symphony.

“Well…could I have a dance with my lady?” Tom asked, holding out his hand.

They gasped and looked at you.

“Oh, what a gentleman! I’d be delighted!” you said, accepting his hand.

They let you and Tom have a slow dance- how handsome he looked in the light, beaming at you. They smiled as if they were watching a rom-com at the end. There were no angry glares- at most, some looked a little reflective and sad. But none dared interrupt the moment with you and Tom.

Would they hate you after seeing the affection?

If so, they shut their mouths and minded their beeswax about it.

There were loads of pictures- you were willing to take some (they were seeing you as the surrogate Adult Adult more than their adults) and they included you in some, including some selfies.

Tom excused himself and returned with even brought you a little plate of food. a plate full of little sandwiches, cheeses, and fruits. You both rested your feet and shared some, feeling their eyes on you. For dessert, there were some gooey brownies that melted in your mouth. Tom eagerly grabbed some, his large hands packing as many brownies as he could. 

But you realized his beard had streaks of chocolate brownies on it, you burst into laughter and you heard some giggling from the students too.

“Oh, let me take care of that!” you offered.

You got out a handkerchief and wiped it off of him. You definitely heard “awwwws” in the distance. Looking at it, his beard was now clean.

“There you go! But dashing as always!” you said.

He held your hand and kissed it. The “AWWWWWS” got louder in the back and you both had to suppress your laughter.

Rejoining the students, you saw them less as little judges or would-be homewreckers. You got to talk to them. Maybe you judged them harshly- you remembered being in college when you were that young too. Of course, they grumbled about the coursework sometimes and you gave your own insight. 

“Oh- you’re seriously reading Persuasion? Oh, just wait! Austen takes some time to get used to when you read her stuff- read them slowly and you will catch onto what’s happening! The yearning in that one is beautiful” you encouraged a distraught Hailey. 

You even discussed what fantasy books they were into and got some more recommendations for your ever-growing TBR. And at the end, every last person in the crowd gathered and danced. You and Tom joined the students with big grins and aching feet, but you wouldn’t stop until that last song ended its phrase. No drama. No pettiness. And no hiding. No fear. Just people at a party. Young and happy and alive.

--:::------::------------------->◇<--------------------::------:::---

The other morning, you were back at the coffee shop. Waiting on them. Soon enough, they arrived in their band, though you remained in the corner. 

“I couldn’t believe he had a girlfriend!” Daniel gasped.

“Really?! I’m not! A man that fine can have his pick,” Kelly commented.

They began to all get iced coffees and gather around.

“She is gorgeous- didn’t you see her at that ball!? And she’s super nice!”

“Yeah…I want them to be happy and he seems so happy-”

“Oh, he is cheesing after her- you saw how he smiled?! And how he got the plate for her? Like, he’s a walking green flag!”

‘She’s so lucky!

“Listen, I am glad they’re happy…I just wish it were me…”

They all sighed and agreed,. You waited for that whole vibe of that phrase to blow away.

Then, quietly you walked over.

“Hello everyone,” you said.

They gasped and turned heads.

“YN! YN, hi!” one boy, what was his name- oh yes, Cameron!-said.

“Oh, I just wanted to pop by,” you added.

Then, Emily stood up. She got out a chair from one table and moved it over to where everyone sat .

“Do you have anywhere to be? You can…you can join us! You’re welcome to!”

You smiled at them and took a seat.

[leeofthevoid]

Cold-Blooded Beings- Part 1

Farleigh Start x Reader

a/n: Hey guys this is a multi-chapter thing, a little series I suppose and I'm excited to map it out. Hello! Had a few comments that wanted it changed to Y/N and I got you! Please let me know if I missed a few but I tend to not use the assigned name I did before. Just tell me if you guys also want some name specific Fic for you so I can make one shots! Big thanks to the people who pointed good stuff out!

Warnings: Mentions of Alcohol, Strong language

Word Count: 1777

|| Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Money Makes The World Go Wild

Oxford was a dream come true. It was so difficult to actually get into the school without the help of your family’s wealth and earn your place, it was rewarding to finally get into it. 

It wasn’t until dinner time when you felt big arms wrap itself around your shoulders while you ate. “Look who we have here. N/N L/N.” What the hell? This voice was unrecognizable. What does this guy want with you? “I’m sorry um…Did I do something wrong?” The man looked confused and chuckled. “Y/N , it’s me Felix? Felix Catton? Cry Baby Fee?” 

You jolted back in surprise and your face turned from a slight scowl to surprise. You didn’t hesitate to jump and wrap your arms around him. “Fee! Holy shit you’re so big now! I barely recognized you!” You both laugh heartily as you pour out your happiness in the embrace. “How I miss you, I miss you so.” You pulled back to pepper his face with kisses and finally sat back down on your seat, huge smiles still plastered on your faces. “You’re so big now Fee! I can’t believe you’re the same little boy I had to carry when you scraped your knees.” Felix cringed slightly at the story but still smiled his heart out. “Well yeah, I’m not the little boy Catton you used to know. It’s so nice to see you N/N. Venetia would be so happy know you go here.” You pause and look around the dining hall looking around for the other Catton sibling. “Speaking of, where is she?” Felix leaned on the table and sighed, “Went to Cambridge in fear that I would ‘ruin’ her university experience.” It was so like Venetia to say that and you admired how they seemed to barely change. 

You ended up talking through dinner time about how you got into Oxford the way your family always went in. Felix teasing you about your strict family. How you both grew through the years and realized how you missed each other’s presence ever since your father threw you to Switzerland to attend boarding school after your last summer in Saltburn. You both exchanged numbers and a promise to Felix that you will for sure hangout with him and his friends. With a goodbye embrace that was too long for other people, you parted ways. 

It was hard being a Teacher’s assistant. When you settled after a few months into your summer term, your professor offered for you to help him tutor his students which you gladly agreed to for extra credit. You were now stuck in the room with Mr. Ware, this shy scholar kid named Oliver Quick, and another empty seat that the other student seemed to miss every session. It’s their fifth absence now. Oliver was in the middle of reading his essay out loud when you decided to take a quick bathroom break, waking up your professor in the process to at least pay attention to the poor guy. After a few minutes out, you’re met with a new person chatting with the tutor and Oliver sits back quietly. You got a better view of the new presence and saw a nice head of curly hair, fashionable clothes, and…No way. “Farleigh?” 

Oliver and Farleigh look up at you from the door and his eyes widen. “ Oh my god N/N!” He stood up and scooped you in a tight hug. Man, these Cattons sure love their hugs. “I thought Felix was fooling us when he mentioned a special childhood friend in Oxford.” He gently puts you down and backs away to sit next to Oliver again. 

“My, my. A L/N and a Catton? Oliver, you have quite the company.” Your Professor stated. You saw Oliver slowly back up in his chair more, feeling a tinge of pity for the guy. “Let’s start over, Sir. I believe we all have limited time.” You chime in. You all sat down and proceeded to listen to the essays Oliver was abruptly cut off. His work was too robotic and a little…Boring? You can’t help but try to wake the other two people up from time to time to at least alleviate the embarrassment Oliver had. When Oliver finally finished, you cleared your throat, signaling for Farleigh and Mr. Ware to at least look alive. Mr. Ware shared his thoughts and you did too, “I believe there was a lack of something in it, Oliver. I’m sure you’ll be able to revise it better so don’t worry too much.” Farleigh snorted at your kindness and blatantly told him the truth. It was a tensioned back and forth that you’d much rather not be apart of but what can you do? Farleigh was right but so was Oliver, you looked at Mr. Ware and he simply shook his head. “So! We had quite the session today, lads. Oliver, please take note of the changes Ms. L/N will send you, and Farleigh please write your essay too. Um…Send anonymous regards to your mum too please?” Farleigh winks at him and gives you a kiss on the cheek before he leaves the room. Oliver soon made a beeline out of the room and you followed after getting a few tasks from Mr. Ware.

After a few days, you came across Oliver walking alone through the courtyard. “Hey, Oliver!” He quickly looked around for the source and saw you waving at him. “Oliver! Fancy meeting you around and not in the office.” You smiled at him as you put out your hands out to shake. He took it and gave you a shy smile, “Ollie is alright. Y/N right?” You nodded. “So sorry about Farleigh, he always had a sharp tongue ever since we were kids, can I buy you a few drinks to apologize?” 

“No, no, c’mon now Y/N it’s not your fault. Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want to. I don’t need a reason to treat a friend out?” You smiled at him as he fiddled with his jacket deep in thought. “I suppose you it wouldn’t be bad…” You smiled again “See you later at the pub then. You know where right? Bring your friends Ollie!” Oliver hurriedly walked away with a small bounce of excitement as you slowly backed away bumping into something…Or someone. “Running a charity case, love?” Farleigh chuckled. You look up at him and roll your eyes with a slight smile. “Don’t be mean Far, I just thought he was a decent person to befriend.” 

“And where is Farleigh’s invite then?” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder as you both walked. “Since when did you grow so mean? I remember you jumping up and down whenever I complimented you more than Felix.” Farleigh groaned at the memory as you laughed. “You know, being the oldest out of all of us had its perks, such as carrying both you and Fee when you were both so tiny! I felt so big next to you! Now look at you towering over me.”

“N/N, you sound like an old lady reminiscing about her children’s lives, I don’t miss that at all. If you’re coming to the pub with that bore of a person, come by at our table yeah? I’d hate for you to be lonely.” You chuckled as he kissed your cheek to walk off into who knows what. 

The pub had a really good atmosphere for a place swarmed with people in their early twenties dying to have some semblance of relief from school. You would even argue that The King of Arms was a decent place to have a date, even dressed nicely to appease the people you’ll hangout with. One problem is that you never anticipated the fact that Oliver could probably have no friends. Well, he had one, Michael, but the thing about Michael is he seemed to be so absorbed in his genius that he never did care to let you or Oliver talk. As much as you appreciate the boys not ogling at you with the usual stares you get from wearing provocative clothing, it was kind of pathetic that they didn’t at least compliment you perhaps? 

You excused yourself to get another round of drinks, on you of course. It kind of put you in a bit of a damper mood when Michael didn’t even acknowledge it, at least Oliver did but it still sucked. You approached the Barkeeper to bring you three pints of Pale Ale which he kindly nodded to. “What’s a pretty lady like you doing with losers like them?” You chuckled and looked up at the figure slowly sliding their hand on your waist. “Farleigh.” You lightly warned with a smile, “Cut them some slack. It’s probably their first time going out with people. I was like that when I started my summer term.” Farleigh simply rolled his eyes at your kindness thinking it was stupid. You notice how he seemed to still tower over you and that was something since you weren’t exactly short, five foot ten to be exact. You even had heels on for goodness sake! When did this small tiny boy grow so tall? 

You snap out of your trance when the door dings. You turned and saw Michael’s retreating figure, turned and checked the table you were occupying and found no signs of Oliver. Great, you just got ditched. “So…About my offer?” Farleigh’s tone was teasing and you can’t help but give in. With a sigh and a defeated huff you give in. “Fine Far, you win. What about the stuff I ordered?” 

He scoffs, “Thank you for buying me some, you’re a doll.” Farleigh says in a sarcastic manner, picks up the tray and brings it to the table while dragging you with him. You notice Oliver’s shy figure sitting beside Felix as Farleigh pulls a chair out for you. Paying no mind to the boy who just walked out of your table, you greeted everyone with a cheery expression even earning some wolf whistles from the guys sitting with you. “Y/N will apparently buy two rounds of drinks for us.” Farleigh teases. Everyone cheered making you roll your eyes at him. At least you get to use that allowance your dad finally said you earned.

After some time on the table, it still pissed you off that Oliver ditched you, he even avoided eye contact with you while talking to Felix. It’s alright, everything will be okay and you should just let this instance slide, you say to yourself. It was just an apology drink from Farleigh’s mean outburst and the subject of the event was right next to you making out with a girl on his other side. Don’t you just love university?

Next

[validdisaster]

I Probably Won't Watch MisMag, But I Think I'm Glad It Exists?

I don't know if this is a valid feeling or some kind of misplaced trauma reaction, but when I hear American leftists/liberals joking about jkr or performing reparative or critical versions of Harry Potter, I sometimes feel a deep... I dunno, unease? I could be wrong, but I'm not sure a lot of international people really understand the kind of grip she has on the UK.

This is a country where transgender people were banned from the panels and review boards for the 2024 Cass Report that would define how trans children were treated in schools, the healthcare they have access to, and the support they have, then gave recommendations that will pave the way for making it more challenging for trans people as a whole to move through society with general dignity, respect, and essential medical care. Meanwhile, the new (leftwing) prime minister, who has refused to make any declarative claim about his beliefs on transgender people, made special time for a meeting with jkr in a bid for votes just a few weeks before the election to assure her he would do basically whatever she said to 'support women and girls' (whatever that means to a woman who has designated herself the arbiter of who is 'too masculine' for girlhood). Now, I'll be honest, that was before her descent into minor Holocaust denial and the Olympics bollocks, but long after she started paling around with people in far-right white supremacist circles. Her voice was considered more important than any medical professional who happens to be trans.

Personally, (and this is just my anecdotal experience) I've had family members, colleagues and even an ex-partner parrot lines almost word-for-word from her essay as an excuse to get away with some pretty nasty behaviour, despite never having read it and not knowing where that was where it came from - that's how much she has permeated British society. I have a difficult, strained, or nonexistent relationship with people who meant a whole lot to me and I don't know if that would still be true if J K Rowling hadn't decided to go off one day. People hurt me who might not have. She's able to use the fact that she's the writer of the Harry Potter books as a kind of cover to gain this legitimacy that lets people hand-wave away or not look closer at some of the most unambiguously bad stuff you can do and say. Again, I do have to say, I'm from a not-very-liberal area and the work I do is mostly manufacturing or call centre (so full of not-very-liberal people). Idk if other parts of the UK are different, but I sure as shit can't afford to live in them.

This might be a personal despair that I need to work through, but I'm just not sure any reparative stories set in echoes of Hogwarts can possibly do any good. She's still here, she's still hurting us, she still has more of a voice in British politics and discourse than the rest of us working together can possibly muster and her past seems like more of a shield to the bad things she's currently doing than something that can be reimagined correctively.

To be fully clear, I'm not criticising the mismag crew here, and I'm not criticising international folks (trans or cis) for not knowing the detailed minutia of what's going on in my very unimportant neck of the woods. I'm just trying to work through my feelings about a person who's done a lot of demonstrable harm to me and mine, and the kind of casualness that I feel like her impact gets treated with sometimes.

I get the sense that a lot of (particularly cis or non-british) leftwing circles treat her like such an obviously-bad punchline gremlin that they forget she's still a bogeyman to some of us, I'm still scared of what she'll do next. And it's weird to see people having fun in the funhouse-mirror version of her passion project. Maybe it's jealousy. I loved Harry Potter and Hogwarts for a long time. Maybe I just miss feeling safe there.

I hope there will be a day I feel safe enough to laugh about her. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that other people are there already?

[centrally-unplanned]

I was listening to this cast by The Weeb Crew, with SteveM as a guest, going through some other Evangelion video and dissecting the mythical memetic tropes it buys into. Which was a lot of fun, I recommend the cast, and the video they are critiquing is a bit of a grad-bag of zombie memes about Evangelion from the 2000's, which yeah have aged poorly.

One of the ones they get into is the idea that Evangelion's TV ending was "intensely unpopular", and Anno & crew were getting like bombarded with death threats and stuff. Which happened at some level sure, but certainly wasn't the median response. The video actually sites the "emails" shown on screen in End of Evangelion as evidence:

And like, bro those emails are fake! The staff wrote them for the movie, they didn't use real death threats or fan mail, that would be a huge legal liability. Not saying they are analytically useless or anything but, you know, you need to know that.

Anyway, SteveM mentions that of course there was pushback against Eva's ending, but actually the big wave wasn't interior to the fandom - instead it was sparked by Eva "going mainstream" discourse-wise. In particular a review essay by social critic Eiji Otuska (who is also a former lolicon creator ding ding ding) that was published after the finale aired sparked a widespread discussion in the media by other critics. He links to the essay in their discussion....except he doesn't. He thinks he did, and then when they look, its just someone else mentioning it in an article in 2003:

Bitter disputes broke out on online bulletin boards, with some critical of the producers for failing to provide a clear-cut end to the story, and others who praised the finish for being "typically Evangelion-like." But when commentator Eiji Otsuka sent a letter to the Yomiuri Shimbun, complaining about the end of the Evangelion series, the debate went nationwide. "The debate that erupted over the ending went way beyond our calculations," Gainax's Sato chuckles. "Anno probably knew what was going on. He realized that media other than anime had taken notice of Evangelion."

Which triggered in me the thought - why doesn't he have it? He references it in his own work after all. As you can guess, after some searching I am pretty sure I know why; no one has it. Its never been scanned or reprinted in an accessible format! It definitely is important in the history of Evangelion - I have seen this claim in other contexts, the essay that sparked a discourse, and you can find many works about Evangelion citing Otsuki (generally later works, like an article published in September of 1996 which you can buy) But what the article article said is only discernable via the clues dropped from second-hand accounts.

So can we find it?

First of all I need to figure out what is even being referenced. Searching through contemporary Japanese sources, I dug up an extremely handy find:

A somehow-still-existing 1997 fan page by a Japanese otaku (I'm giving you this stuff auto-translated btw, what would you do with a wall of kanji?) who extensively catalogued every media mention of Evangelion. I am sure they missed some, but they didn't miss a big one like the Otsuki letter - which we know from the above interview appeared in gigantic newspaper Yoimiuri Shimbun:

This gives us three candidates; given that we know it was written after the finale aired, and that was March 27th, 1996, our most likely candidate is the April 1st essay; I was able to find a secondary source mentioning the review was "immediately" after the finale, so I think that nails it.

Which alas does not bring up anything! Try as I might I cannot find any extant blog post, or scanned image, or long quoted form. But after trying the usual methods I did realize something - unlike my average document hunt, this is Yoimiuri Shimbum, a newspaper, a big newspaper. Which means they probably have their own archive, which I might be able to access. and low and behold, they do! And my university research services actually have an account!!

Incredibly blessed by this stroke of luck, I went digging for everything containing "Evangelion" and "Eiji Otsuka" in 1996, and found it:

And it's fucking blank. If the article is scanned or anything it will have that "Japanese Text" you see on the first result, or "Scanned Image" tag or something. I swear its like the only ones not scanned, all the random ads and list of best sellers are all there, but the entire cultural essays section is just an archival void. Shot in the skull right at the finish line.

Alas I am out of ideas of this one - its a newspaper, no one is selling this on Yahoo Auctions. Though hey, at least now we know the title:

"オウム」を超えるはずが... / It should surpass Aum...", 876 characters long.

"Aum" by the way is Aum Shinrikyo, the cult terrorist group that conducted the 1995 Tokyo subway sarin gas attack. Which you can imagine really took the chattering classes by storm; it was the culmination of a series of "extremist" actions that began in the 1980's that built up a narrative of societal decay and alarm. It really isn't surprising that Otsuka linked Evangelion to Aum Shinrikyo; the apocalyptic connections were obvious, there was even an episode of the show that had to be changed due to the attacks as the production team thought the events were too similar. And additionally, if this essay was gonna spark a "societal backlash", it has to say something controversial right? I have definitely seen other critics like Hiroki Azuma discussing Eva in relation to Aum as a "social phenomenon" - I am betting Otsuka is the source of that comparison being so ubiquitous.

From other sources like people on twitter and other articles, I can pick up a few other details on what it contained; apparently he referred to Evangelion's finale as a "self-help seminar" for otaku and lambasted the idea of airing one of those on TV. And from his other writings I think you can certainly piece it together - essentially seeing Evangelion's self-involvement and hyper-introspection as a product of the same societal malaise that birthed Aum Shinrikyo, while failing to deliver a solution that could "go beyond" that. Which, the shit you said about media in the 90's, I want a hit of what he's having! But while today its quite obvious that groups like Aum were, sure, saying something about society but turned out overwhelmingly to be fringe weirdos as opposed to canaries in the mental institute coal mine, at the time this was very much the zeitgeist.

Still, I don't really care all that much what it says - its an important artifact! It started the "Eva discourse boom" that broke out of otaku circles and launched Evangelion into a cross-societal phenomenon! We should have a record of it, it should be preserved. I will ruminate on it, and see if any other ideas pop up. And meanwhile if anyone out there happens to see what I missed definitely let me know.

[empire-of-the-words]

I'm 10 and a half episodes into Young Justice (the TV show), and I feel like I should record my feelings for posterity's sake, so here we go (under the cut because it got too long 😅)

(Also I will be using superhero names for the most part since I don't want to look up how to spell Miss Martian or Aqualad's name)

Spoilers: I already know the Red Arrow thing. I'm also pretty confident I know Artemis's backstory. This doesn't bug me, because I love storytelling. A lot. So I keep looking at it from the writers' POV and it's honestly very fun. I also know a piece of Miss Martian's backstop, and the same as above applies

Investment in the characters: Honestly the show is doing a great job at this. So far it's had an episode focusing mainly on every character except Robin (who I'll talk about in a sec). The show is doing a lot of one episode character arcs (which is a great way to get you invested in the characters). Superboy and Superman both have obvious season character arcs going on, but the others have enough stuff that I'm confident they can do stuff with them

Robin: He is so competent in this, and I love it. Him being too competent to lead the team is both funny and adds another layer to both him and Aqualad. He actually hasn't had an episode really focused on him yet, just side plots. But this kind of works, since everyone knows Robin and there's less of a need to make sure people like him. (And this works. I didn't need to get as invested in Dick and Roy (and Bruce and Clark) since I'm already invested in their comic versions)

I also love that he hasn't revealed his identity yet. The little things about it (like in that episode the League of Shadows was trying to hack Wayne Enterprises). Especially with Artemis heading to Gotham Academy, I'm really hoping she has some fun interactions with Dick

Ships: Miss Martian/Superboy is pretty cute. I passively ship it. Just hoping they have real relationships with other members of the team. Kid Flash/Artemis (does she have a hero name?) is a bit more interesting. The amnesia episode did a good job selling it to me, as it shows they don’t necessarily hate each other at a basic level. Also I hate Kid Flash's crush on Miss Martian (or at least how he acts because of it), and rooting for another ship is the same as rooting for it to die. No real love triangle stuff for now, and hoping it stays that way. There's also the ship getting its own category:

JadeRoy: Starting very different from the comics (where they basically started as Enemy Lovers), but, uh, I Don't Care. I love this ship, both in comics and here. They're entirely enemies right now, but they've started to attach extra emotions to each other (not good ones, don't get me wrong, but they're singling each other out). And I know Lian will exist in this universe (thanks dc wiki), so I'm happily excited for Slow Burn (with the back of my mind preparing for disappointment, just in case). Not sure if this is going Enemies to Enemy Lovers or just straight up Enemies to Lovers (since it's a kids show they might give them a happy ending) but either way I'm down for it

(I'm actually horrible at watching shows in their entirety (instead of dropping them after a few episodes) , and the way I actually got myself to push forward and get invested was the knowledge that Cheshire appears in episode 6, and I really wanted to see her)

I'm super invested in the Superman/Superboy plotline. Also, Martian Manhunter giving Connor the last name Kent was just hilarious. The whole League is just like, "you will parent this kid, clark" and I love it. It's also got me thinking about how comic writers indirectly said Bruce wouldn't be great in this situation despite this version of him pushing for it, but that's an essay for another time (possibly never since it might involve reading Morrison!Talia which I desperately do not want to do 😭)

Speaking of Talia. I am dreading it. I know Damian’s just a cameo and it's a kids show, so it can't get as bad as the DCAU (knock on wood), but this is 2011. This is peak Morrison!Talia, and I do not want to see my favorite character's characterization get spit on

Moving on the nicer things, Batman is Peak Batman. He is a dad, and he’s trying his best, and they better not ruin him

The Light: I guess it makes sense that all these secret organizations are secretly all 1 secret organization, but I'm not quite invested yet. Also finding it hard to believe Ra's al Ghul would join an organization where he's not in charge

Also! I have figured out the usual formula. They start the episode with both a mission usually, and give one character a personal conflict. Things get to their worst at about the 16 minute mark, resolve at about 20/21 minutes, have a final scene with the team and a final final scene reveal the bad guys were actually part of the Light conspiracy thing. Honestly it's kind of comforting having a formula

Overall, pretty good. Can't say how quickly I'll watch it, or how often I'll post about it, but I'm going to keep watching it, which is pretty good, particularly for a kids show

Also if someone's reading this and really curious about what I think about something specific, feel free to send an ask, it'll be fun :)

[nono-bunny]

Having ADHD is so weird because the expected experience is for you to have a very short attention span, which is why as a kid my parents were initally very unsure about me having it. I used to spend literal hours in front of the TV, on the computer, or reading books- if anything, it was getting me to stop and take a break that was the issue! They did not, however, see me in school, where since everything was really easy to me I would just find ways of otherwise occupying myself (I actually don't? Remember those days before I was medicated too well, it was YEARS ago, but I know that I for sure got multiple books confiscated for reading in class lol)

It obviously turned out to be me having some real intense hyper-focus and a difficulty telling the passage of time, which evidently is still an issue to this day because I just spent like literally six, maybe seven hours lurking on the Obey Me tag before I even noticed and now it's 5 a.m. but my sleep schedule is already fucked because this keeps happening so it's no problem /s

Anyway. I actually can't get down with short form content, I literally never downloaded TikTok to this day because it holds no appeal to me even though I KNOW I'm missing out, just because my idea of a good time involves watching a multiple hours long video essay on some remote fandom I may or may not have ever been a part of, and to me shorts are like... So boring in comparison? Which ngl makes me feel like an old lady because there's this whole thing about zoomers having short attention spans, which... I do, I still cannot learn anything that doesn't interest me to save my life (and in the past, my grades) but then I go on to spend hours learning about just completely meaningless stuff like it's the most important thing in the world, because at the moment, it is to me, to the point where I literally forget/don't realize I need to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom.

Like!! I only learned that this is even an ADHD/neurodivergence thing in the last couple of years, I just spent my entire life up to that point absolutely baffling my parents and being baffled by how other people don't become so invested in stuff that they could literally starve by accident without even noticing!! Like, truly, no one told me hyper-focus (and hyperfixation by extention) is such a big part of ADHD and I? Kinda wish I knew that earlier, even if it was just so I could have a name to the thing I do all of the time

[olderthannetfic]

i saw this post today where this person was talking abt fandom racism and was pointing out some real issues within my fandom and favorite ship that I too had noticed… but then kept bringing it back to the lack of one particular other ship they liked, when it's like, no that's not the problem, and that ship is unpopular because those characters have zero romantic or sexual chemistry and barely any scenes together. (it was really funny that someone had reblogged this to take their 'lack of seeing this one character in a sexual way in fic miiight be racist' complaint to be like 'i think you're right! we should have more fic about [a long list of different ships involving that character with people they have ACTUAL chemistry with].' it was really funny. ofc op totally missed the point they were making there.) anyway i just feel like way too many useful conversations about this stuff are ruined by people making it about shipping or other really subjective fandom preferences. i get that this is because something like 'number of fics X ship or character has on ao3' is an objective measure, and something like 'level of orientalism in how a lot of people are writing this desi character' is not, but i wish people would realize it tends to alienate more people that it converts. and ime, it's often the people who maybe would most benefit from hearing those criticisms (e.g. are writing unintentionally racist stuff in their works, and are someone who would want to know about that and how to do it differently) who tune it out the second you make it into insulting their shipping preferences.

i mean, there WAS some real racism in the star wars sequels fandom, including among the fanfic/shipping side. not just the shitty dudes harassing kelly marie tran. we saw the really bizarre 'predator' language people directed at john boyega just for making some joke posts on instagram about disliking reylo and its shippers. it was the very classic racist thing where people see something as automatically more threatening when a black man does it. ....but how many people had already tuned all that out because the people most outspoken about the racism in the fandom kept reducing it to 'if you ship reylo over finnrey, or kylux over finnpoe, you're a racist'? it's like a boy who cried wolf thing. if you've shown that you can't uncouple serious discussions and concerns from just being pissy that your otp is not more popular, people are going to see you as someone who can't be taken seriously and then ignore you when you do have a real complaint. it's like how i'm sure that some of stitch's essays are thoughtful and important, but i have no desire to read stuff by someone who is infamous for harassing people just for what they ship. i don't feel like i can take any of that person's judgments about fandoms i'm not in, for instance, seriously.

that's not to say fandom preferences in shipping can't ever be influenced by racism (or other 'isms') but is it ever really *that* specifically that is the problem, or the broader pattern it is part of? and i feel like 'maybe fandom is a little too focused on het and slash ships between two young skinny conventionally attractive white people' is a message more people are open to than 'your specific white M/M or F/M otp is racist'

anyway it reminds me of the stuff i've seen sometimes in academic fandom studies about how you can't really honestly study a fandom where you're deeply mired in its discourse - you need to focus your work on fandoms that you're familiar with but not in that way. and i think that maybe also applies to some of these discussions about fandom racism and misogyny. maybe you're just going to have better takes on something when you're not deeply invested in other unrelated arguments about it, like about which ship is the most popular. like i could not care less about star wars shipping and have zero take in reylo vs. finnrey, so that's why i feel like i could trust my perception that the way a small minority of reylos were posting about john boyega's instagram posts was racist. it didn't matter if he was genuinely being a jerk to them or about their ship. he obviously wasn't a 'predator' and it was pretty telling language for a group of largely white people to use about a black man making fun of their ship on a different social media site.

--

The laying pipe thing was blown so out of proportion, yes. Call it sexist, sure, but it wasn't fucking predatory.

[sim-songs]

my life: an essay™️

I'm being dramatic, my update isn't that long lmao;

A big situation (shituation hehe) in my life has finally come to an end, which means a few things for me and my blogs right now which I will put in some handy dandy bullet points below;

the personal stuff list

I'm doing a lot better already, yay! This was causing me a lot of stress and grief over the last six or so months, to the point that I'm going to a physiotherapist for extra help.

I have a lot of arranging, cleaning and more to do in my life right now. I have all my belongings back now, but they were and are in big need of rearranging, organizing and cleaning.

The biggest thing I got back is my computer, which is a great thing that comes with a less great downside. Great thing; I have my pc back and don't have to save for a new one! Less great thing; I have to move all my stuff over AGAIN, and I've barely had the time or motivation to do any of it.

the sims and blog stuff list

Because of my point up there, my sims game isn't ready at all. It's installed and that's about it. I still have to download a shit ton of stuff and install my converting programs etc... so it's gonna take some time to get my game, and blog, up to speed.

I am super behind because on my cc blogs and seriously considering asking some people to help me moderate! Not sure yet tho.

I'm trying to keep up with released cc but there's a very real chance I've messed up or missed stuff. If there's anything you see (or don't see!) on my cc blogs @simfluencer-network or @matchsim please let me know!

[bella-rose29]

Anthony Lockwood x fem!reader: reverse damsel in distress situation

I just thought this was funny so I made some head canons about it

I don't think there are any warnings? like a couple of vague references to stuff (like they're on a horse together 👀 and they go in a lake together 👀) and possibly a swear word or two??? but I can't remember

I wrote these while I was meant to be writing my essays and I'm not gonna go back and proof read

ok so

instead of the royal child locked in a tower that's guarded by a huge ass dragon being the princess, it's the prince

and the prince is Anthony lockwood

I know he would totally want to be a knight or train or something

but instead he gets kidnapped when a dragon (think Smaug sized) attacks the city

(we're gonna pretend that his family are all alive for this)

so lockwood gets carried off (he's like... 15? 16?)

put in the ruins of a castle in the middle of a thick and dangerous forest that takes like... a week to get to

and for the next three (ish) years parties are sent out to rescue him

none of them are successful

they are either killed by the dragon

or they get scared and run away

lockwood doesn't really mind living with the dragon

Lucy becomes a knight to try and save her friend and George is like a really well respected scholar or something (because lockwood was friends with him and made sure everybody appreciated George's talent for research) who researches dragons and how best to defeat them

lockwood does miss his family but he figures that he can go back any time he wants, and now he actually has some freedom for once in his life

it's a breath of fresh air (just like the air that's all around him because he lives in a forest now)

and the dragon is actually really nice

brings him food, makes fires to keep him warm, lets him practice his sword fighting on its hide (since it's basically impenetrable)

lockwood gets really good at sword fighting really quickly (of course he does)

and soon he's venturing out into the wilds to hunt for food or to discourage the hunting parties from coming to rescue him

also he just likes going for walks sometimes and there are nasty things living in those trees

but one day

not long after his 19th birthday

a single figure approaches the ruins

now the dragon starts gearing up for a fight (even though it's wondering if this is really a fair fight)

but when the singular knight starts bowing to the dragon and pandering to dragon pride

well

safe to say this knight won't be getting eaten today

lockwood of course ventures downstairs to see what's going on

and when he sees his terrible, fear-inducing dragon on its back having belly rubs from some random knight he almost faints in shock

"uh, who are you? And what are you doing with my dragon?"

the knight is surprised and pauses the belly rubs (the dragon lets out a huff)

"oh, I'm here to rescue you I think!"

then lockwood is surprised again because holy shit this knight is a woman

normally women in the army was rare since when lockwood was in the city the patriarchy was still in the progress of being abolished

but in the time he's been away the army has sorted itself out

(not that he knew that)

so he's all confused and frowny

and then he remembers to speak

"oh, well I'm quite happy here, thank you. Sorry for making you travel all this way, but I shan't be being rescued anytime soon."

he expects the knight to protest or something

instead she replies with:

"Alright then. Could I at least stay the night? I haven't slept properly for a while"

he agrees

the dragon is happy because the knight staying = more belly rubs

she goes out to hunt for dinner for the three of them and comes back an hour later with a lot of food

they spend the night talking about what's been happening in the city since lockwood hasn't been there for like, three years

turns out a lot has changed

like it was mentioned earlier, women are now in the army (and can train from a very young age like the men)

the city opened its borders and trade routes have been established between them and neighbouring cities

this means a lot more money has come into the city

and building programmes have started so that people have jobs and then housing

schooling is free

all good things

lockwood spends most of the time the knight (who has introduced herself as Y/n) is talking feeling as though he missed out and wanting to go home

he doesn't want to stay there, he just wants to catch up with everyone and let them know that he's fine

and could they please stop attacking his dragon thanks

omg and while the knight is getting ready for bed she takes her armour off (she has clothes on underneath don't you worry)

and lockwood doesn't realise but he's staring

because that armour is fitted but shapeless and he hasn't seen a woman for nearly three years (and he's a honey teenager let's face it)

and while he might not realise that he's looking

the dragon absolutely does

flicks him with its tail to get him to stop even though the dragon thinks that the whole situation is hilarious

because the dragon had also seen how lockwood had been looking at the knight while they were talking

and boy oh boy is he in trouble because he is definitely crushing on her

the next morning they're having breakfast:

(lockwood went out to get it because the others were still asleep)

and she's laughing at his jokes

and lockwood thinks oh shit I think I'm falling for her

and then he agrees to make the journey back to the city with her and she smiles and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen

(mostly he agrees to go back so that he can spend more time with her but shhh)

they hug the dragon goodbye (refuses to leave the hoard)

set out on the knight's horse

and omg they both get on and they're really close together because they don't entirely fit and-

lockwood is really struggling to concentrate he won't lie

so is she

anyway

they get back to the city and everybody is cheering because someone actually managed to defeat the dragon and bring the prince home???

and then she has to explain to his parents (after a very tearful reunion from all members of the family) that no, she didn't kill the dragon, she just told it that she'd never seen a dragon more impressive and gave it belly rubs

then lockwood has to break the news that he's not staying

and more crying ensues

the knight is kind of just... stood there awkwardly because these are her monarchs and she has no clue how to act right now

they invite her to dinner

she says yes (she didn't feel she could say no when lockwood turned to her with puppy dog eyes)

it's very loud

and more of a party than a dinner

lockwood spends a lot of time around George and Lucy (and Y/n totally isn't jealous of how gorgeous Lucy is and how lockwood looks at her like she's the sun that would be true ridiculous)

she's used to the noise of it all, she's a knight for god's sake

it's just been a long couple of weeks and she needs a break

so she heads out to the balcony for a breather

and is surprised to see the prince there because she thought he'd be in the middle of the celebrations

he gives her a small smile when she steps out

and she looks gorgeous against the glow of the room behind her and lockwood thinks he might be falling again

they talk for hours

literally until sunrise

everyone else has gone to sleep

they've moved from standing to sitting with their backs against the wall of the castle watching the sun come up over the horizon

there is absolutely no need for them to be sat as close as they are but-

and lockwood almost feels sad to be leaving again

but then he remembers how constricted he'd felt earlier when people were fussing over him and getting him ready for the party

and he thinks he's much better off living with his dragon in the forest

the journey back Y/n comes with him

she says it's to protect him

she knows he can fend for himself she just likes spending time with him promised his parents that she would (they hadn't asked her to)

they get ambushed on the way by bandits or something

they fight together like they've been doing it their whole lives

and when she pulls out two knives and throws them with perfect accuracy and without even looking and saves his ass, lockwood knows he's screwed

yep he's definitely fallen for her

the dragon knows What's Up when they get back because they're both giggling and stumbling over each other as they walk in

they stopped for a dip in a lake on the way and he totally didn't nearly faint when she started stripping

they didn't go far (just a lil kiss because they finally admit their feelings for each other) but the journey was quite long so they've had time to talk about how it's gonna work

she decides she'll move in with him

the dragon is happy because once again, the knight staying = more belly rubs

lockwood is happy because he's got the girl of his dreams

and they live in their ruins in the middle of a forest, occasionally travelling back to the city for birthdays and celebrations and such

the dragon gets a lot of belly rubs when it comes with them (which doesn't happen much because of the hoard)

George and Lucy travel to see lockwood a lot (and basically live with them now)

tag list: @anathemaloren, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @briar-rose23, @dangelnleif, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @light-23, @locknco, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @ran23sblog, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife

[the-b-journal]

Lady Miss Detty Episode 1 Truth Talking - The Essay 06 June 2024

Seriously? Another one?

I know, i know. I said i wasn't going to make a tumblr diary but i really sat and thought about it and realized - my friends know nothing about me. I mean sure, they know some things but not the stuff that really makes me me and its not even their fault, its mine.

All because i have this irrational fear that once i start telling other people about my interests (the fictional characters i like, the celebrities i'm currently obsessing over, my favorite artists or band), i'm afraid that they're gonna be taken from me. Logically, i'm aware that that doesn't make any sense. I know that, of course i do. Doesn't make it any less scary though.

So for so long, i just keep them to myself. I was gatekeeping them to my own friends. Don't get me wrong, for a while it's what worked for me. I was happy. I have my own thing. I have things that felt solely mine. But sometimes, when things are hard and i'm going through something rough, i wonder: how much does my friends really know me?

Do they know that i like to eat chocolate ice cream after every meal? Do they know that i'm currently hyper fixating on bread with scrambled eggs on top? If they randomly saw a picture of Rarity from my little pony, will they know that she's my favorite and remember me? Are they aware that i haven't read a straight romance book for roughly 5 years now because straight couples give me hives and i cannot bear to read anything about them?

It's depressing how most of the answers for the questions above are probably No. If i died today, they wouldn't know those things about me because i never told them. For some reason, the idea of my friends barely remembering anything about me when i died scares the shit out of me more than the idea of dying itself. Because how horrible is that??? I spent 21 years on this planet and the most they would probably remember about me is that i'm a tiny bixesual girl with a round face who likes to speak in english and loves barbie. That's it. If they even remember those things at all.

So i have decided that i cannot continue living like that. There has to be at least one person in my life that knows about these stuff. I would die happily knowing that there is at least one person that knows me better than anyone else. Someone who knows the inner workings of my mind, from my favorite childhood shows to my childhood trauma.

And i cannot think of anyone better to be that someone but my friend Angela. I am fully convinced that she is my soul sister because we are practically the same person. She gets me like no one does. I feel safe entrusting these information with her because i know that no matter what, she would never judge me. I mean as long as i'm not doing something outright illegal or immoral, then i know she's got my back. I love her to goddamn death.

Of course i couldn't just dump these information to her because she has a busy life of her own and she has things that gets her feeling lonely and sad too. So i thought that i would just dump these essays here and let her read them in her own time and pace. When she wants to, and not because i forced her to. There is nothing more in this world that i hate than feeling like i'm inconveniencing someone. So, Angela, you can totally not read these. Or just go back to them when you can. No pressure at all!

I think I've poured my heart enough for one sitting. I didn't expect this to be this long to be honest. Who knew i had this much to say? Anyway, i really hope that i will be able to keep this tumblr diary thing. I would be pissed at myself if i didn't. Like, really really pissed.

Mami, if you reached this point, THANK YOU! I love you so much!

Xoxo

[hypocriticaltypwriter]

Now tell me some info and stuff on Chrysta! ((Cherri))

Like was she born there in Santa Carla? How DID she meet the boys? What is her personality like? Is she secretly a vampire?👀

Give me all the info bby gorl I will happily read every little thing🍒🤭

MJ, YOU DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU ASKED!!! 💜💜💜💜

I'll gladly tell you... In the form of an infodumping 6 hour essay-/JJ

BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE... This might be a bit long, but I'll gladly share~!! Thank you so much for asking eheheheh 😈😈😈😈 I'm also using this ask to Ramble, so I'm so sorry YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ MY 'LONGER THAN THE BIBLE' POST 💀💀

Chrysta wasn't born in Santa Carla, but she's been coming to live with her aunt (mother's side) every summer since she was around seven, so she's always considered herself a local- the same goes for other residences who know her well. She lives way back in good old Utah when during the school year and other seasons. With her father and his wife, after her mom was put in the hospital due to some health issues. But she tries to call her mom every night.

Chrysta's summer home is along the small strip of stores near the boardwalk, where her Aunts house is a makeshift hair and nail salon.

The front is the whole workplace, while a hall separates the rest of the house- and upstairs basement made into Chrysta's room. Chrysta also grew up getting to know Mister Emerson well as when she was around nine her aunt had sent her over to the old man's house to give him some home-cook meals as a thanks for a favor Chrysta was never told- kept secret from her.

And ever since she was kind of a delivery girl for her aunt - if of course she didn't hate it, she enjoyed Mister Emersons company and his silly stories about vampires.

Sure it was definitely something that made ten year old her hide under the covers with a flashlight every night, but the older she got, the more she began to outgrow the fear over something so ridiculous- especially with her aunts rules and stories. She wasn't allowed to even be out on the boardwalk by the time the sun set.

Her curfew was always Eight on the dot, not allowed outside or to invite anyone in. No matter how many times she asked for a genuine answer, her aunt would always say the same thing: "That's when the vampires come out to play."

Of course Chrysta is a teenager in the 80s, and she wants to live her summer days to the fullest, so she usually waits till her Aunt retires to her bedroom to watch soap operas, and sneaks out her room window and goes to have a night out on the town... That's how she met the boys. 👀👀

Since the beginning of the summers, Chrysta had been visiting Santa Carla, and she had already built her reputation of being a drop-dead flirt and total tease. She knows how to sweet talk herself out of a situation or to get a free bite to eat. Of course, even if she's built the label for herself, she isn't cruel or bratty.

She's a total sweetheart! Chrysta seems to get along with many if they're willing to be friendly back of course and even if she isn't best friends with anyone, she's at least a little acquainted or on good terms with most.

So, being the little tease that our Miss Campbell is, Chrysta met the well-known trouble makers of the boardwalk back at the beginning of the summer 87... Er, well, sort of.

(SPOILERS FOR THE LOST BOYS PREQEUL SCRIPT YOU CAN READ FOR FREE HERE!)

Also, wanna write a story or make a comic about how she meets them and her whole backstory, but I'm still thinking about it, but here's the basic outline!

Chrysta is a part of the extremely distant Russian descendant on her mother's side. Yet her face is the spitting image of the princess Anastasia David had fallen for many years ago... It was what had gotten the bleached haired individual and the rest of his motley crew to keep staring at the stranger and her friends standing afar.

It wasn't until Chrysta's friends had whispered to her about the watchful eyes of the boys all perched on their bikes Chrysta had looked back to fully face the four. Eyes locking with the pair of cold blue ones.

As confident as she had been labeled, she immediately brought her gaze shyly to the ground, excusing herself from her friends and disappearing into the busying crowds along the boardwalk. Moments later, the four boys followed after, leaving their bikes parked outside the video store.

And the pursuit continued for a while, stalking and searching through crowds, picking out anyone who looked similiar to the strange, familiar stranger, and when they had found her once more, she had looked back to see them following, only to hurry off and away from their eyesight again.

And it was only after Chrysta had disappeared through the door of the salon she worked at, giving one final expecting glance toward the four vampires they realized something.

She wasn't running away. She was playing hard to get.

So the game of cats and mouse continued almost routinely every night she snuck out, no matter where she was, they'd be there a moment or two later, somtimes vice versa.

And it wasn't until one night Chrysta had decided to hide away inside the video store she'd ACTUALLY meet David, Marko, Dwayne, and Paul. She'd been sneaking around trying to avoid them in the store, peeking around aisles and walking into the next one when they would go to the one she was in- just stupid cheesy cute stuff like that that .awesome me squeal and roll around giggling.

Chrysta does finally get trapped when David and Dwayne cut her off on the opposite side of the aisle, Mark and Paul, on the other, leaving her nowhere to go.

She did talk to them and finally got some names, pulled on her charm, ect- overall playing along and enjoying the company of these new strangers... Until Max had shown up, assuming the the boys were bothering her and tried to get them to leave, thankfully Chrysta explained they weren't doing any harm and made sure to keep their case clean in front of the Video store owner.

Reluctantly, he believed her, but told them to leave as he'd told them multiple times not to come around here anymore.

As a thanks for sticking up for them, David offered her a ride on their bikes, just to check out the boardwalk and beach. Just 'one' ride.

Chrysta was a little unsure at first, like those stoies or cliches of the girl running away on the back of a boys bike. But after some convincing at playful peer pressure from the rest if them, she decided why not. A little rebellion never hurt anyone!

Right?

----

ANYWAY HERE SHE IS IM SORRY I RAMBLED BUT THIS IS MY BOO IN ALL HER GLORY!!!

You can also see her ref sheet for more stuff here!

I hope I answered your questions and let me know if anything wasn't clear enough or you need more specifics!

[solace-sylphieee]

For Contents Moving Forward...

The very first post in my tumblr and it ends as my final notice for 时空中的绘旅人 / For All Time / HLR / Lovebrush Chronicles / LBC.

The irony.

But anyway figured I should do here cuz it's going to be quite the long essay from me.

We're now halfway through March, White Day's almost here and so is my 3rd Anniversary Emerald's Wedding Ring Merch.

THAT'S RIGHT

I'm gonna get married with Emerald / Cael and retire for good to enjoy my marri-

...

To hell with that, I really can't bring myself to finish that bs.

But anyway the intention is still there - I am planning to retire from HLR / LBC but before that, I will clear off some of my stuff and I will drop the game as a whole: 1. Retrospring QnAs for the guide account I'm part of: @stshelterpedia 2. Chronological Summary to the game's story (had been requested to do this cuz the event release is now extremely messed up) 3. Claiming all my remaining monthly pack resources

For my followers from Twitter, new and old, I have gone missing from releasing the translation of game news for a long time, and now I feel the need and for the first time, share my thoughts in a very elaborative manner instead.

Sorry for ghosting on you guys for so long and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the follows all this while, even with me neglecting the translations here and there.

Although I believe many take me as a source of news translation and no more than that, there are still some who I've build relationship with as well throughout the years.

Now onto my retirement from this game and the translation thereof:

Do take note there's going to be some spoilers too -

Work may have been one of the reasons behind it as I've been way too occupied this year comparatively, but the very main factor would be the fact that I've lost my love and passion for this game.

In all honesty, I've stopped reading the Card Stories since Paradise / Eden and Event Stories since Onmyoji Collab. And for my long-time followers, I'm not sure if it's that obvious, but I have stopped fangirling or make any remarks on the game content for years - which I guess is quite the obvious sign from then on.

I loved HLR / LBC for its plot. I loved how plot is the driving force and priority of the game since the beginning. I loved how everything revolves around the plot, including the charaters to Event Stories and Card Stories.

But alas, all of that are past tense for me.

I may have been biased cuz I stopped reading all the side contents, so it's just the impressions I'm getting from the discussions I have with my friend. But for me after Destiny Corridor (DC) iirc? Fan service becomes the driver in this bus.

DC has its own share of service, but I feel the wrmth from deep down. All the nostalgia and warmth, and that's the peak storytelling before its downwards slope for me.

Personally I don't mind fan services, but for me it feels like Event Story has become more and more irrelevant to Main Story, unlike in the past. Card Story is there to build some background story, but since it's more fan servicey now, it's just a stalemate story with barely any development.

At least that's what I feel and my impressions here and there.

Some may wanna ask: "But isn't Empire series the most Main Story relevant Event Story?"

Yeah, it should be, cuz it's almost the deadline (iirc supposedly by 4th year) that Empire Chapter will begin for Main Story and the final route of it marks the end of Season 1.

But the latest one I've read - Tidal-Disruption, Admiral Star / Prefect Luminance side specifically, actually disappointed me a whole lot.

Chosen is written brilliantly to make us fear Maker more, but in juxtaposition Star / Luminance had a great start but a meh ending.

I find that the appeal behind Star / Luminance is that he is interested in MC for how strong she is emotionally and wants to break her, believing she will also be his greatest and most perfect creation cuz his other 'collections' can't withstand his 'molding'. All the revelations is nice and all, then suddenly he becomes so infatuated with MC he accepts his name as Alkaid (THAT DUDE HAS BEEN DENYING AND REJECTING OF SO STRONGLY SINCE HIS APPEARANCE) and play family with MC, imprisoning her and the story went like husband going back home to a lovely wife waiting for him treting his wounds.

I just

??????

DUDE WHERE DID YOUR COLDNESS, INDIFFERENCE WENT?

WHY DID YOU BECOME SO LOVE LORNED?????

I believed he had been better than that but he made my inner Asian Parent Disappointment surge up and I can only shake my head at the end when he decided to just let MC go.

Others let go cuz they are interested to see how far she can go, cuz she's not a threat at all, cuz she's a great piece for their plans, or cuz of their own twisted obssession; but for him it feels like a bad attempt in making him more romanceable.

End of ranting for now else it's gonna be for eternity.

Stories aside, what prompted me to ultimately announce my retirement as a whole is the moment I realise I hadn't logged into the game for 2 days (my birb brain had thought it's only 1 day).

That's right, 2 days and I didn't feel any urgency or frustrations for missing out on the resources. This is as of today, 10 March 2024:

While on the other hand I feel like choking myself for missing my morning grind for another game.

With such comparison, I figure it's high time I check this off with a notice for everyone.

It has been a long journey and I enjoyed the companion of this game that also bring many new encounters for me.

But it is also time for me to bid the game adieu.

Feel free to unfollow me on my Twt if you're not interested in seeing me anymore.

Moving forward, I might begin some other translation project for games I took interest in (time to see if 世界之外 Beyond The World's grip be that strong on me) and I will also share a more elaborative train of thoughts here too.

Thanks for reading all the way here, my DMs in Twt are open for chats, and feel free to interact with me. I will be more than happy to share my thoughts with you too :)

[naffeclipse]

I needed to process everything so it took a bit to get this finished. (and some personal stuff delaying it further, along with me just being slow,, sorry,, and I'm sorry these are SO LONG! I have so much to say and still there's more! Sorry for giving you comments that look like essays..)

Naff, I can’t tell you properly with just words how much I’ve enjoyed Cryptid Sightings, it’s been nearly all I’ve been thinking about since late october last year! I think you might have an idea of how obsessed I’ve been X3

Before I start with my reactions and rambling I just also wanna tell you that this ending is PERFECT, it’s such a satisfying and beautiful ending to such a wonderful and gripping story. It leaves you with more than enough to make you wonder what might happen next but still to a very satisfying degree. It sticks with you in the best way.

Alright here we go! *rubs hands together*

You still spit darkness. Occasionally, Sun reaches over to wipe away a black tear that sprung from your watery eyes.

I love how traces of the possession stays behind, reminding you of what the horrors you were put through. It’s so dark and horrifying. It also makes me think, are all of Glitchtrap really gone? Does this substance still count as part of him? A part of him that sticks to you until it’s all expelled and can dissolve, or does it stay around even after that.

Just thoughts.

A weak smile decorates Vanessa’s lips before you coax her to try and eat a chocolate granola bar you have stashed. She refuses, almost crying violet tears.

There’s more of the fluid,, also I wanna give Vanessa a hug,, I hope she’ll still be able to make her tea! :’0

The doctor becomes a little pale when she spares a glance at the robot, but you’re pretty certain Moon didn’t scare her too much.

In the end, no hospital employee tells him to leave.

Oh I’m sure he didn’t scare them too much, dude just gave them the demonic grin and eyes they give everyone that comes in the way of them and their heart, no biggie!

You can’t linger on what would have happened if you had succumbed to the vampire bite.

HEHE! WE KNOW!! >:D

I love this throwback!! I NEED to reread The Lost Episode, along with the rest of the fic!!

You return, and don a t-shirt that reads ‘Everybody gangsta ‘til the pants start walking’ with a cartoon depiction of the Fresno nightcrawlers. Moon’s grin widens. Vanessa wants to know how you keep finding shirts like that.

I wanna know too!!!! I NEED Y/N’S SHIRTS!!!!!!

She reaches up and rubs her eyes. You contemplate pulling over but she lifts her head. The wetness in her eyelashes is clear and bright.

There we go, clear tears at last. She and the rest of them still have so much to recover from, but at least they’re not haunted by the presence of Glitchtrap anymore. I’m just hoping there aren't any more traces left hiding away somewhere.

“I trust them with all my heart.” You say it simply and ardently.

aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAWAWWWAWAAWAAAAAA!!!!!!

“I would hope it’s quite obvious, little hunter.” His fingertips move to press against the small of your back. On reflex, you work your arm around his slender waist and hold on. He lightly dips you down. “But since there have been habits of missing what’s right in front of you, allow me to be perfectly clear.”

FJKGHDLSJKFGHDFJKGHADKJFGHLKÖGJÖGKLHADLFJK Way to call them out!! But aaa this is soooo cute! And I’m getting emotional from it too just AAAAAA!!

“I’m sorry, I’ve never danced with anyone before,” you admit. You feel lightheaded and connected to earth, all at once.

Moon spins you around to face him. His grin is sharp as he utters, “Good.”

KJHJKHDLKJFGHDSLLKDFJHGL “GOOD” XD

I love them, I love them so much!!

“Are you sure you want to give it to me?” you caution, unsure if you’re demanding something that is not yours.

The deep laugh, hearty and raspy, echoes from their wide jaws.

“If we had a heart, we would give it to you.”

Live Meep reaction: *Wailing and bawling on the floor* Where have they learned to talk this sweetly?!? AAAA I WANNA SQUEEZE THEM!!!!

Their first kiss saved you. You can only imagine what their second kiss will do to you.

I’m. I’m normal about the fact that their first kiss saved their life. I’m.. I’m normal. So normal…

Actually. NO.

I’m shaking you Naff!!! You made us wait until the second to last chapter until we got the first kiss! And it SAVED Y/N’S LIFE!!!!! And still you didn’t even give us a nice one with no threat looming around it until THE LAST CHAPTER!! NAFF I LOVE YOU FOR DOING THAT!!!!

Tlehoolcha! There it is! Tlehoolcha!! We’ve waited so long and here it finally is! Tlehoolcha!!! I love their beautiful name!! It’s so otherworldly and it fits them so well! I love to say it too! Thank you for helping us pronounce it correctly and letting us hear you say it with your wonderful voice ❤️

“Are you scared?” they rasp.

“No,” you whisper. “I care about you so much. It makes my heart do weird things.”

OH IF THAT AIN’T A MOOD ASJDHADFSDGJK

aaaaaaaaAA my heart!!! This melts me to the core!! I’m just,, I have so many feelings towards these two,, Them being happy together is all I wanted and here we are!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Also man I hope Vanessa will be able to get her own truck and airstream or just place soon, for her own good ya know pdjdhfhdjdj XD

Aaaaand of course, The X-Files fkngaklfdjghldfkj

The last sentence has me melting into my cushions..

Naff.

NAFF.

This ending!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! GOSH I WANNA HUG YOU!!!!!

A fun thing that comes with a story ending is that you can finally see it all in its full glory! I’m turning the whole of Cryptid Sightings around in my hands and looking at every detail, I’m squeezing it and shaking it like it’s a beloved stuffed animal!! I love being able to see it all through from beginning to end, it all fits together so neatly and aaaAAA I LOVE ALL OF IT!!! I’d LOVE to have a physical copy of it, I wanna hold it all in my hands!!

Lovely chapter as always!! Thank you Naff for this beautiful gem, this has been a fantastic journey and I cannot wait to see what worlds you’ll invite us to next! <3

Ah, Meep! Please don't apologize for being 'slow to read' the fic is always there when you're ready ♥ I also love essay-like comments so don't you worry about that! :D

There's so much that makes me scream in joy that you commented on, especially the little details and, hehe, the ending scene between Y/N and the boys! I'm so happy you love their name ;-; I was nervous to share my voice but I do want people to be able to pronounce it right! It's very important to me ♥

Ahhh, thank you, Meep! I am smooching you *mwah* I love and appreciate all the fanart you've created and I adore your designs of the cryptid boys, and you are such a big inspiration and supporter. Thank you, babe!

[atomsminecraft]

Hi. Can you write Roy x female reader fic? Where Roy finds reader crying because of stress and studies. He comforts her and kisses her on the forehead. Pretty please 🥺💗🌷

YESSSS?????

I physically can't stop myself from writing this now that I saw it

I'm gonna try and write this in one sitting

Watch me do that

____________________

Everything was going wrong today. First is was a failed test, next it was a failed potion, and after that it was a failed project and then an assignment. Assignments were pilling up day after day after countless failed attempts and essays because of these failed assignments started pilling up even more.

Classes ended early today, which is good because I don't think I could handle anymore fails and scoldings from my professors. Sure, some tried to help me, but they couldn't do my work for me.

The moment the bell rang I packed my stuff and ran out of the classroom. I needed to be alone right now. Where should I go so I can be alone? My dorm? No... Robin is in there and I don't want to worry him. Maybe the bathroom? But someone might walk in there... There were only so many places I could go to, and none of them were any good. The S-ranks should still be in their classes, right? Maybe the rooftop should be ok...

I quickly made sure no one was following me then I went to the rooftop. I looked around and found a nice spot near some flowers. Maybe these will make me feel better. I sit down and looked at the variety of flowers. Speaking of flowers, wasn't there an assignments about flowers today too?

...

Great. that makes me feel even worse.

I hug my knees and hide my face in them. What should I do about all that work? Am I really that stupid to not understand something I should know? I get I'm not from this world, but I've been here long enough to know these things by now! I try wiping away some tears that showed up yet they never seem to go away. Ugh, why am I crying? I shouldn't be crying over something so stupid...

"Miss- Oh!" I looked up to find a surprised Roy. "Are you alright?" He asks with worry on his face. Oh boy now he's done it. I try wiping my tears away on my sleeve but even more seem to replace them.

"I-" I choke on my words from both tears and not knowing what to say to him. I feel him sit down next to me and he hands me a handkerchief. I take it gratefully and wipe my seemingly never-ending flow of tears. We stay in silence for some time and I've somewhat calmed down in that time.

"May I ask what caused you this much distress?" Roy's voice is soft and gentle. "Is there any particular way I may help?" I take a deep breath before answering.

"I... I'm sorry for bothering you with this..." My voice shakes as I say this. "It's stupid..."

Roy puts a hand on my shoulder, "If it causes you to be this upset, it surely has a good reason for it." I stay silent for a moment to try and think of the right thing to say.

"I... I'm just... Everything is too much right now..." I start off. "I keep messing up everything and I can't seem to get any of it right and so much work has pilled up and I can't finish it all and-" before I know it, I'm crying again. Roy pulls me into a side hug and I lean into him. We stayed like that for some time. It was peaceful. Comforting. It was nice.

"Miss MC..." Roy says. I feel Roy kiss my forehead and I blush. "Please, allow me to assist you when you need it."

"Wha-"

"Allow me to rid of some of your burden, even for a short time. Allow me to help you with this." My face feels like it's on fire as I stare up at him.

"I- Why would- Huh???"

"I deeply cherish you, Miss MC. I dislike seeing you like this." He smiles at me and takes my hand. I'm shocked into silence from what happened and Roy's fingers traces patterns on my hand.

I take a deep breath, "I... I care about you a lot too Roy." Now it's Roy's turn to be surprised, though he quickly composes himself and smiles at me.

"I am pleased to hear you share the same sentiment." I suddenly realize I've stopped crying all together now.

"Oh! Uh- Your handkerchief-"

He lightly chuckles, "You need not worry about it. All that matters is that you've stopped crying." I feel myself blush and I look away.

"I'm sor-" A sudden realization hits me. "Wait, how come you aren't in class? I thought the S-rank lectures were still happening?"

"Those finished not too long before I came here." Was I out here for that long? If felt shorter...

"Oh..."

Roy got up and gave me his hand. "The next time you feel like this, please seek my assistance. As I said before, I wish to assist you in any way I am able. If you have any questions, I hope you will come to me." I grab his hand and stand up.

"Yes... Thank you again, Roy. I truly appreciate it." He gives me a kind smile.

"I look forward to the visit. Please don't be afraid to ask me anything you need me for. I hope to see you soon." With that, Roy walks off and his hand separate from mine. I feel the warmth on my hand linger as he walks away. As I process what just happened, I can't seem to wonder...

"Wait... Was I just somewhat confessed to?!"

____________________

I hope you liked it 💕

I did in fact write this in one sitting

I am very proud of this because it forced me to write

Thank you Anon for helping me write and do something productive for once 💀

[zhens-cool-transid-tip-blog]

for transcharacter can u pls do :

rikka takanashi (love, chuunibyou, and other delusions)

shiro nai (no game no life)

kanna kamui (miss kobayashi's dragon maid)

and pls include how i should act online, like typing and thingy bobs! thanks! ♡

You got it boss!! Tysm for the ask!

(note: I got most of these tips from the fan wikis and have never seen any of the sources. I'm just working with what I got here.)

RIKKA TAKANASHI

It says on the wiki that she wore an eyepatch, so making one to wear is a good idea!! (just be sure not to keep it on too long, it can fuck up your depth perception and vision in general)

Act theatrical!! Rikka tends to try and act out her chuunibyou fantasies. I don't know what these fantasies are since I've never seen anything about this movie/show, so please be sure to be safe!

Make a magical alter ego! I think it says Rikka has one, so doing that can help!

Dressing like any character can help with dysphoria, so i suggest wearing a yellow hair bow and styling your hair with Rikka's look!

As for online appearance, I suggest typing like your writing an essay. I don't know if that makes sense, so for an example, if someone asks how your day was, you could reply with a sort of lengthy answer, and punctuate it to give off a sort of theatrical feel!

SHIRO NAI

This one may be a bit odd, but playing chess is a good way to get into character. It's an analytical game, which fits Shiro's personality nicely.

Adopting a bit of a shut-in personality can help with character euphoria (just be sure to not let it turn unhealthy!!)

Have a slightly dark sense of humor for appropriate situations

It's said in the wiki that Shiro knows 18 languages, so learning some might help!

I suggest being competitive in gaming, since that's mainly Shiro's style from what I've gathered!

When talking online, try to appear aloof. For example, if someone asks a rather elaborate question, just reply with "sure ig".

KANNA KAMUI

Try to give off a soft-spoken and sort of quiet vibe, like peaceful unless provoked.

Act curious about the modern world, like you just came from another realm and are trying to figure out things!

Act a bit childish every once in awhile!

For fashion, I suggest making/getting a headband with dragon horns! :)

For online stuff, type in a similar style as Shiro, but a bit more cutesy! Using emoticons is a good idea, I think!

That was quite a doozy, but I'm thankful you sent this ask! Thank you, and have a hell of a good day!