#i'm trying out scanning in these notes for better quality

[solarisfortuneia]

— grace and coordination? who?

them with a clumsy reader. (ft. kaeya, thoma, tighnari, diluc, alhaitham, ayato, zhongli, childe.)

notes: pinkie swear this'll be the last repost for a while, bc i'm working on some new stuff mwah <3

kaeya's reaction to your mishaps depends on the situation. sometimes he's literal prince charming, the very picture of concern and worry. and other times, when you're not in a lot of danger— like when you've tripped down a set of four stairs, for example— he'll try really really hard to keep a straight face to protect your feelings.

over time, he'll develop a sense of when and where accidents are most likely to happen and take measures to either remove the obstruction, or guide you away from it entirely. however, if the situation is inevitable, he'll try his best to catch you. one downside though— or upside, depending how you see it— is that he'll always hit you with an overused, cliché line.

"looks like you're falling for me all over again, sweetheart."

this sweet, sweet boy is the most worried of all. initially, thoma thinks every scratch and every bruise is a consequence of something serious, but soon learns that they're most probably a result of your klutziness. even if you stumble lightly and regain your balance, he's instantly at your side, asking you if you're alright. he won't just take you at your word though, he'll check you himself from head to toe, and only then will he be satisfied.

he'll also carry bandages, antiseptic liquid, lotion, anything he thinks you might need. his pockets are endless. he'll even have small treats to console you after a bad fall.

"oh, dear! here, let me help you up. no injuries? good. here's a candy to cheer you up."

frankly, he's exasperated. and also very concerned. whenever you bump your head on a branch or fall backwards on your butt, he just sighs and shakes his head before helping you. he knows you're no careless fool, just very prone to unlucky incidents, so he'll spare you the lecture.

tighnari is a firm believer in the fact that prevention is better than cure. so, he'll make sure your footwear is comfortable and supportive and make you change if any parts of your outfit have the potential to be a tripping hazard. if you wear glasses, he'll remind you to keep your prescription up to date. all in all, he'll minimize the possibility of you tripping due to things in your control.

"you'll trip on that robe of yours if you walk outside wearing it. go put on something else, i'd rather not see you fall into a hole in the ground again."

diluc never expresses anything because he'd rather not come off as overbearing, but he's very careful with you. you can see it in the way he brings a hand to the edge of the table to stop you from hitting your head when you bend to pick up a spoon you knocked off the table, the way he keeps any sharp objects out of your reach, the way he's always scanning his surroundings.

he'll find himself doing all that even when you're not with him, and he'll be glad you weren't there to witness that. he'll baby proof his entire house just for you, and if he can, he'll baby proof yours too. he's the type to use the high quality silk handkerchief he carries around to bandage a scuffed knee.

"don't worry about it, cloth can be washed. the injury should be our first priority."

there is no question alhaitham can't answer and no puzzle he can't solve, except, of course, the conundrum of how you manage to stumble over air, or slip on a completely dry surface. he'll observe you carefully, try his best to figure it out but eventually he'll chalk it up to circumstances being arranged against you.

he takes matters into his own hands and just fixes said circumstances for you. beyond that, he knows he cannot do much. he has the uncanny ability to know exactly when you're about to do something where you'll end up with a bump on your head, even if you're miles apart. he's also not too worried, he knows that a tumble isn't the end of the world. the problem only arises when you don't get back up again.

he'll firmly refuse to go dancing with you though, both for his sake and yours. he'll turn you down gently and suggest alternatives.

"dance with you? i'm not sure that's such a great idea. how about we spend the evening at the café?"

kamisato ayato is grace, elegance and perfection. so it comes as a surprise to most of inazuma when they see that his partner is a walking disaster. he's fond of this trait of yours though; he thinks it's endearing. he's also very forgiving if you happen to step on his toes or bump into him. he has no issues replacing anything you break on accident too.

he knows he cannot personally keep an eye on you, so he'll have someone watch over you from afar to make sure nothing serious happens.  that's not to say he won't tease you, no. even though he knows the answer, he'll always ask playfully about any recent 'misfortune' you've been a part of every time he sees you.

"ah, there you are. have you fulfilled your daily quota of disaster for the day? now now, don't give me that look, you know i'm just teasing~"

he's unfazed, really. he's seen many types of people and creatures over the years, from the most poised rulers to the most unsteady fawns. one thing he does do for you is carefully consider any gifts he's thinking of giving to you, and dismisses the item if it has pointy corners or is fragile.

zhongli's the type to fall with you so you're not alone. he was once a powerful archon, a little accident in a busy hall is nothing for him. and seeing him mimic you with a stoic face to help you feel better is always a treat to witness. then, he'll dust himself off as if nothing happened, and offer you a hand.

"think nothing of it, dearest. i simply wish to accompany you on any journey i can, even if it is a short one to the floor."

childe's first and foremost reaction is to laugh when you hit your head on a pillar right in front of you, then he'll chuckle at the face you make at him when you're offended. he can't help it! it reminds him way too much of his siblings.

he sincerely promises, with a hand over his heart, to kiss any boo-boos better. and he'll insist on lifting you in his arms, and won't take no for an answer.

"no buts! i'm carrying you home like this. after all, the best way to stop you from tripping is to make sure your feet don't touch the ground, wouldn't you agree?"

[sacchiri]

I recently bought the jp volumes of Hellsing along with the guidebook, and since I'm reading the series in its native language for the first time I might as well share some random things that stood out to me in no particular order.

This isn't meant to be an analysis of translation differences, I'm too lazy for that. Also it's been 12 years since I've watched the anime and read the low quality fan scans of the manga so some of these comments are just "Lol, forgot this was a thing"

Volume 1

... I really want to know who this guy is at the beginning, yelling at Alucard in overly familiar language to "Get your shit together!" and "You're the only one we can count on!!". We know from the style of speech that it's a dude, probably just some Hellsing rando, and maybe it's not all that strange since he has probably been working with the same soldiers for years--but it's still funny.

"I know, it's just so nice out :("

..The way "HELLSING Organization" is spelled out like this reminds me that apparently the name is supposed to be an acronym. No really.

...

God they're so silly.

Now that I think about it, the only thing Seras has done this chapter since being turned into a vampire is say "I'm sorry" over and over.... girl you got shot in the lung, why are you apologizing

Not a huge difference, but what Integra actually says here is "Leaving a corpse here for 20 years... You're a terrible person too, Father" and not "What were you thinking, Father?" as the Dark Horse translation suggests (note the lack of question mark in the raw version). I thought that might be of interest to some.

Something else I thought was interesting is the first line Alucard ever says to Integra, and how uncharacteristically polite he sounds.

O-kega wa gozaimasenka- That's two honorific 御's back to back! (He even said them in kanji, even Walter isn’t that straightlaced and he’s literally the butler.) This is also the only time Alucard uses this overly flowery gentlemanly language with her, and good thing too because it would be so annoying if he spent the whole manga ending his sentences with ~gozaimasu.

What I'm trying to get at is, after seeing this sentence in the Japanese version, I'm like 100% sure he actually heard her when she was mumbling to herself about hoping to find a knight in shining armor, and he was totally going the extra mile in playing into that role for their first encounter. Which is kind of sweet.

Lol they misspelled Alucard on the top left... or rather, they incorrectly spelled it right?

One would normally expect Alucard to be written アルカード, and indeed pixiv dict lists アーカード as a misspelling (the u sound is weak in Japanese, so it's easy to mishear arukādo as ākādo). Hirano was definitely aware of the correct spelling though, since he used it in the pilot chapter and in his old character sheets. It was only when the manga officially began that he switched to the アーカード spelling. I doubt it was because of copyright issues because there is already a long precedent of vampire characters named アルカード in various old manga, OVA, and games in Japan that have coexisted without issue (like this guy Hirano mentions in volume 1's afterword).

Most likely Hirano simply thought it looked better, or was a means of differentiating his character from the others somehow. It certainly makes life easier for Japanese fans searching for fanart since アーカード is only going to bring up Hellsing and not the Castlevania character.

Jan Valentine even pokes fun at the spelling discrepancy later in volume 2, but since there wasn't a good way of expressing this in English it was left untranslated.

(Speaking of spelling inconsistencies, there's a lot of minor details I'm noticing now, like half the time the furigana for 吸血鬼 is written バンパイア and the other half it's ヴァンパイア... anyway)

Um, just noticed literally everyone's wearing glasses What should I do

Hirano's habit of jotting random comments underneath his panels is one of the underrated perks of reading the manga

The Dark Horse translation almost makes it sound like she's looking forward to seeing this battle play out, while in the Japanese she simply sounds apprehensive. Almost as if she's worried about them? And she's going out on the field personally to make sure nothing bad happens? Aww

Ok this is a weird tangent, but I just noticed the scans of the Dark Horse version I've been looking at use a slightly larger image range than the Japanese version does. It was only noticeable when I got to this part:

The second image is what the Japanese version of the scan looks like and I can confirm that this is what it looks like in my physical volume as well. You shouldn't be seeing the messy borders of the inking on the bottom like that.

Manga manuscripts are set up so that there are a few millimeters of bleed border around each page. You're supposed to color and line all the way up to (4) while keeping in mind that printing and paper cutting may result in the image being trimmed up to (3).

Either Hirano didn't color his lines all the way to (4) (this man has been drawing manga for years but this is Hirano we're talking about so it's very possible), or Dark Horse didn't honor the original bleed borders of the manuscript. I'm kind of leaning towards the former since there was a Hellsing exhibit in Japan a few years back where you could look at Hirano's original manuscripts and there's one where you can clearly see that he spilled a mug of tea or coffee across the entire page

Anyway, it's weird, and I'm curious to see if someone that owns a physical copy in English can confirm whether theirs actually looks like that. It's volume 1, page 141.

[blueskittlesart]

hi, correct me if i'm wrong but i seem to remember you saying that you're majoring in illustration! i'm currently in the process of applying to colleges and i plan on majoring in illustration as well, so i was wondering if you had any advice for portfolios. I could really use some tips on the presentation aspect specifically, bc I'm a little lost when it comes to stuff like the arrangement/organization of pieces, how I should crop my pictures, etc. any advice you can give me is greatly appreciated!!

hi yes i can totally help you out with this! i like to think my college portfolio was pretty good bc i got accepted to every school i sent it to lol :) the main pieces of advice that i was given when building it were this:

studies and pieces that show off your technical skill are great, but limit them to around a third of your portfolio at most. art schools DO want to see that you're technically skilled and can like, draw a charcoal still life or a self-portrait, because those ARE important skills to have, but ESPECIALLY if you're applying to a school that's more known for contemporary fields like animation or illustration, it's much more likely that they want to see your creative mind at work. the single best thing you can put in your portfolio is a BODY OF WORK, and specifically a body of work that shows off your own ideas and your own take on whatever you're producing. this means 3+ pieces that are interconnected or related to the same central theme. my portfoilo, for example, consisted of 2 or 3ish traditional, technical pieces which showed that I had a certain level of technical skill, and the ENTIRE rest of it was devoted to a series of original interconnected narrative comics I'd written and drawn. Every reviewer I met with told me that this was what made my portfolio stand out to them--it showed that I was not only technically skilled, but that i had something i wanted to DO with that skill, that I had direction and drive with my art and was able to produce work that reflected that. If you're maybe (definitely) not quite as ambitious as me, something like a series of 3-5 interconnected illustrations or a short comic if you're into that might do the same thing.

as a side note, if you DO have a body of work as the central focus of your portfolio, a lot of colleges will be interested in your process as well! for example with my comic portfolio, i used one slot to demonstrate my process, because I penciled every page traditionally before digitalizing it and i had extensive character and worldbuilding sketches. I wouldn't devote more than one slot to it, but if you have a body of work where the process is important to you it could be worth throwing in!

arrangement is tricky, but the advice I generally heard was "put your best stuff first." whatever you're most excited about, whatever is going to grab someone's attention the fastest, that's what you want to have in your first slot. (I actually don't think I followed this advice on my applications LOL but it's what i was TOLD to do and i think it's solid advice.)

in terms of editing, assuming we're talking about traditional pieces being photographed, you want to make sure your pieces are 1. well-lit, (DO NOT TAKE YOUR PHOTOS WITH OVERHEAD LIGHTING. wait for an overcast day and take them outside trust me) 2. legible, (no weird shadows obscuring parts of the piece, high-quality enough that no details are lost due to digital pixelation, etc) and 3. as color-accurate to real life as you can make them. most of this is just about getting a decent-quality camera (a newer iphone should be fine) and a good location. (outside and overcast, as previously mentioned) you may want to throw your pics into photoshop and play with the balance slightly, but I wouldn't do anything too drastic, try to get the most accurate photo possible without any editing. (if your pieces are small and flat, scanning them in may work better. most public and school libraries have scanners you can use for free.)

finally, cropping. the general rule that I was taught is to crop the piece, not the photograph. if you've got a piece on paper and you're not sure you like how the actual drawing is oriented on the paper, crop the PAPER down to size, and THEN photograph it. your photos should aim to show the ENTIRE piece from edge to edge (unless it's a detail shot obv) and I even like to include a little bit of extra "breathing room" around the piece so that it's clear exactly where the dimensions of it end. here's a piece I used for my college portfolios for reference:

i lowkey do not like this piece now but that's not the point. this is what i mean by breathing room--a few extra inches of space around the actual canvas so it's clear that this isn't a closeup and you can see where the canvas actually ends. the same is true for digital pieces. if it's a full bleed illustration (something with full color all the way to the edges of the canvas) just make sure you like the composition cropped the way it is and submit the full piece as-is. if it's a floating spot or something similar without hard edges, leave a bit of white or transparent breathing room around the edge of your image.

hope this helps! if you have any more specific questions lmk :)

[toxicanonymity]

Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement or inadequacy if your fics don’t do as well as you had hoped?

I’m struggling with that myself. I try not to get so hung up on it but it’s very hard, especially when something I’m so proud of doesn’t do as well as my other works.

I don’t even feel motivated to write bc I don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment

Discouragement, sure, I think that's natural sometimes. But I really don't feel like stats have anything to do with adequacy. Baring my soul, yuck. But fuck it we ball. Sorry it's a long answer.

I don't think I've ever answered a serious ask aside from the time i created Dr. rock which hardly counts but I've seen a lot of people struggling with this lately and hope this might be idk comforting to a person or two without leading to debate/discourse.

You mentioned something you're proud of isn't doing as well as your other works, and I can see how that would be disappointing. For laughs, I'll compare 2 of mine. These fics are impossible to compare (as are most, I think) but I def understand the urge to measure yourself against what you see as the potential. Aches: <1k popular trope I banged out in no time, wasn't sure about it, literally thought "people don't have to like it" before I hit post. >4 notes per word. Left in Lincoln: >22k posted so far, challenging, writing it for months. Has possibly driven me crazy bc I had this passing thought the other day and not about TLOU. (I didn't feel like re-reading it all): "I should just rewatch the movie. . .wait." 🤡 The whole Lincoln series combined has fewer notes than Aches lmao. But it's far more rewarding in getting to see it come to life, quality of engagement, and stretching myself 😏. It's not for everyone, for various reasons. Surely would have better stats without the twist I went with. But at what cost??

-------

Often, if people don't read or like something, it's a reflection of their own interests, limitations, and assumptions. And the right "fit."

I don't rly read much in general, but specifically, I rarely read long stuff (if I do I prob scan a lot tbh). I normally only want, if any, just enough plot/premise to build sexual tension. I don't read fluff or angst. I don't have the attention span / commitment to get invested in original characters. I tend to avoid stuff similar to what I'm working on. I make assumptions - If there's no word count, maybe it's too long. I know a lot of the fics I skip for these reasons must be fantastic. Assumptions I experience - I've seen very popular fics in the wild that strike me as dark, creepy, or pervy but aren't tagged that way. So some things that are tagged dark, etc., including plenty of mine, might not be dark in the way people assume based on their own ideas, or based on what others do tag. Also some people think I only write dark when sometimes it's just horny (see master list).

I've sometimes found myself thinking "It sucks more people don't read this bc i bet they would enjoy it" (not just my own fics). It might sound egotistical but I think it's often true.

------

Of course I want engagement because that means more people reading something which can mean more interaction, discussion, learning what you liked, what you think, etc. that's what I love.

But notes aren't rly near the top of what I care about, even though it does feel great to get them and I truly appreciate every single one.

Night walks doesn't get nearly as many notes as some of my other stuff, especially these days, but it's fun to write and I like to feed his feral fans who only get more into him with time. Same with raider: among those who do read and engage, I sense rising enthusiasm, thirst, and rate of falling in love with him (my bad). That's all worth more than 1000 likes to me. I have a good time writing these guys, so I write them more than other ones that get way more notes 🤷. I'm not saying notes don't matter at all, I know they affect exposure and engagement. But if just did what gets notes, I don't think I'd have such high quality engagement bc I'd just bang out more stuff with the most popular tropes instead of our fave Joels and those destined to become our faves bc they offer something special.

My outlook was the same before I had so many followers btw. Rock Bottom (22k) was what I felt like writing, still more ambitious than anything I've done in the Halloween fandom. I was disappointed it got way less attention than my one shots, but I know it's a banger, just certainly not for everyone lol.

-

I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling, but I think it's very common and hope you can reframe it to not feel inadequate. I especially hope it doesn't discourage you from writing. ❤️

[hitchcock-winter]

Chinese editions of Simon Snow: Part 2 of 2

Welcome back! In Part 1 I talked about the titles and the covers of @rainbowrowell 's Simon Snow series:

But now, on to...

The text*

The books are in traditional Taiwanese Chinese, which is read right-to-left and vertically, with traditional Chinese characters. GF's from Beijing, where they read left-to-right, horizontal simplified Chinese. Needless to say, she thinks she would have had an easier time with the English, after all. 😆

Scanning through the first page, the translation is pretty spot on. We had a really fun time going back and forth between the Chinese and English to spot the differences.

The short, numbered chapters and defined POV of the books made it easy to find our "spot" in each edition for comparison.

The names

They did not give the characters new names, but rather assigned Chinese characters that phonetically sound similar to the original names. The GF had no context to these books at all, so it was fun to hear her sound it out and try to figure out the names.

Above, you can see the bolded characters for Simon.

The spells/phrases

I became immediately fascinated with how the spells would be different, considering they lean so heavily on well-known English phrases and pop culture. Might make an additional post about this later, but it's pretty much as you would guess so far:

Some spells are relevant to the Chinese audience mostly as-is, such as Romeo and Juliet (though these lines were adapted to fit the popular Chinese translations instead)

Some spells were completely different. “Have a break, have a Kit Kat,” for example, was translated to “Crunchy,” which we’re both assuming is a relevant Taiwanese phrase.

The text includes footnotes, which explain the original context of the phrase, which I love when I'm reading translations myself.

The formatting

Things that are italicized in English are bolded in Chinese. Things that are bolded in English (spells) have a different font in Chinese.

The above is the end of chapter 60, where Baz says Simon Snow is going to die kissing me, and then casts Make a wish!

Final thoughts

These books are stunning. They're heavier, more durable and seem to have better quality materials than North American books. I probably wouldn't have tracked them down for just myself, but I'm thrilled to have them. I should maybe sell/trade some of my other editions to make space for them...

I do have Carry On in Brazilian Portuguese as well, if anyone's interested in a comparison post in that language (a gift from my bestie, who knows what's up). It features the typical Kevin Wada art, but I bet there are some interesting language things there as well.

Thanks for tuning in!

*I'll be talking about the translations, but please note that I can't read Chinese myself, and the gf grew up in Beijing and typically reads simplified Chinese rather than the traditional in these books. Our translations are rough.

[akashasananda]

How to Incorporate Mindfulness Into Your Daily Spiritual Routine by TwinRay

Mindfulness involves paying close attention to the present moment through regular meditation practice or everyday tasks like washing dishes, eating, and walking.

Thoughts and emotions will occasionally surface, and allowing them to do their thing without judgment is important. You might discover these moments provide valuable opportunities for self-exploration.   

1. Breathe

Mindfulness exercises come in all forms, but one of the easiest is simply focusing on breathing. Sit comfortably and focus on how the air passes in and out through your nostrils, inhaling and exhaling. If thoughts come into your head, note them before returning your attention to breathing.

One effective technique is practicing body scan meditation. Lie or sit comfortably and focus on each part of your body, taking note of sensations, emotions, or thoughts that arise - this could help relieve stress and muscle tension!

Shekinah Ma and Sanandaji  (TwinRay) highlight that mindfulness can also be practiced by paying attention to what's happening around you, like noting the feeling of your hand against the car seat or noticing the scent of freshly washed clothes. Even during meals, practice mindfulness by paying close attention to taste and texture and slowing down to enjoy each bite.

An effective way of doing this is through apps like Calm, which offers guided meditations and relaxing music to help keep you focused. Or try setting aside five minutes daily to meditate and breathe, gradually increasing to 10 or more minutes as needed.

There are many opportunities throughout your day to become more mindful, from riding in a car or listening to music to walking and cleaning the house and the office. Try creating "if this, then that" reminders such as: 'If I'm in my office, take a deep breath." Or use progressive muscle relaxation by tensing and relaxing each body muscle group individually.

2. Listen

Mindfulness should not only be practiced on its own time. Instead, mindfulness can also be practiced throughout everyday activities - whether showering, writing in your journal, or brushing your teeth before bed - take a few extra seconds each time to be fully present and engage with each task you undertake - notice how water feels on your skin, smell of shampoo/toothpaste as you apply it, hear breathing sounds as your work, etc. If your thoughts begin wandering away from the present moment reality, gently bring it back.

Mindful eating can help keep your body balanced by knowing its nutrition needs. Furthermore, mindful eating may prevent overeating and overindulgence.

If you want to expand your mindfulness practice beyond sitting still on a meditation cushion, TwinRay suggest that you go on a mindful walk. Select an isolated area and go solo; pay attention and express gratitude for the air you breathe, trees surrounding you, legs beneath you, and freedom!

Mindfulness practice includes tuning into and acknowledging our thoughts and emotions. While it can be easy to become caught up in negative or self-critical thought patterns, mindfulness teaches you to observe these thoughts without judgment and, thus, respond more equanimously when confronted by challenging situations.   TwinRay

Mindfulness has become a widely discussed wellness trend due to its wide array of benefits, which range from stress reduction, better sleep quality, and enhanced focus to pain and anxiety relief and overall mental wellbeing. If you're new to practicing mindfulness or looking to incorporate it into your spiritual practice, take small steps by setting aside five minutes daily just for sitting quietly in silence. Akasha Sananda

3. Move

Beginners to mindfulness may find the concept daunting at first. Although mindfulness seems like something only experts should practice, anyone can adopt its principles into everyday life - without necessarily needing long meditation sessions! You can even incorporate mindful practices while brushing your teeth or folding laundry.

According to TwinRay, mindfulness in your spiritual routine can help you feel more grounded and connected. Once you know your desired benefits from practicing mindfulness, make a list of simple activities you can do on an ongoing basis to incorporate it into your day-to-day experience; you'll be amazed how much just a bit of mindfulness can improve it!

Start slowly by dedicating just a few minutes daily, gradually building it up as your comfort with mindfulness grows. Try listening to mindfulness podcasts or audiobooks on the commute to help reset your mindful state. Partnering with an accountability partner or finding a group of supportive friends who will check in regularly is also useful for keeping mindfulness goals on track.  Shekinha Ma

Movement can also help bring mindfulness into daily life, with yoga or walking meditation among popular forms. One popular move known as the "body scan" serves as an in-motion mindfulness meditation: when walking, slowly focus on each foot as it strikes the ground before shifting focus onto ankles, calves, hips, arms, shoulders, and then belly and feet again.

4. Breathe

Mindfulness practice can help you relax and be more present. Although there are various techniques for practicing mindfulness - from meditation to body scanning - finding something that works for you consistently and committing to it consistently is key. Calm provides many resources and tools that make integrating mindfulness into daily routine easier.

One of the easiest mindfulness exercises is focusing on your breath. You can do this while sitting in a chair, on the floor, or cross-legged and concentrate on feeling your breath pass through your body. Try counting inhale and exhale cycles to slow your breathing down or observe without judgment as thoughts come and go - what matters is being aware when your attention wanders and quickly returning it to present moment awareness when necessary.

Finding opportunities throughout your day to practice mindfulness can also be very helpful. Activities like riding on public transport or eating can become opportunities to focus fully on each moment; when your thoughts wander from what's at hand, congratulate yourself for noticing it and bring back focus onto whatever activity is at hand.

TwinRay teaches that mindfulness may initially seem difficult, but over time and with consistent practice, it will become part of your everyday routine. Start small and build it into your daily life. Starting small, with Calm or simply taking deep breaths when feeling anxious, can help get started with mindfulness practice.

5. Relax

Establishing mindfulness practices requires commitment, but the rewards can be immense. Being attentive and present can improve communication, reduce stress, strengthen relationships, and foster well-being.

Mindfulness practice doesn't have to be done solo; many practitioners find it helpful to find community through group meditation sessions or one-on-one coaching. Community practice can help keep you accountable, especially when consistency can be hard; you also learn from others and share experiences.

As part of your mindfulness practices, it's essential to establish a regular schedule. Set aside time each day for yourself and create calendar reminders so you don't forget your session! Doing this will keep your practice at the forefront of your mind, even during hectic days!

Once your schedule is in place, find mindfulness exercises that resonate with you, including sitting meditation, body scanning, or journaling. TwinRay advocates you try to implement them throughout the day at the same time so they become automatic and natural over time.

Prevent carried-over frustration or emotion from manifesting elsewhere by pausing and centering yourself before starting anything new, for example, taking five deep breaths before getting out of bed or pausing and centering before beginning something new. Practicing mindful transitions, such as pausing before starting a task, may also help.

[zafrinaxyz]

KiNKMAS 4 — b y t h e f i r e

Ralak Sepwan x Fem Metkayina!Reader

There's nothing better than spending quality time in your home, with your mate, by the fire

Original character / art above by @zestys-stuff 💚

tags: smut. rainstorm. ralak soaked [and sexy] from the rain. external fingering/clit play/stimulation/orgasm [f receiving]

notes: lets see how many more girlies i can get to join the ralak cult , hehehe . enjoy x😘

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 kinkmas m.list

✗ NSFW 18+ ONLY MDNI ✗

Loud thundering could be heard in the distance, dark clouds slowly making their way towards the village. "The storm looks pretty bad ma'yawntu'' You say over your shoulder, standing just outside your home, grabbing Ralak's attention.

''Then I will need to leave now to gather wood and other supplies'' His husky voice sounds from inside. He was busy securing lose pieces around the mauri, storm-proofing everything before he heads out.

Slightly panicked, you rush over to him, ''But what if you don't make it back in time?''scanning him with wide eyes. He stops what he doing, and looks down at you. He loved it when you made a fuss over him- secretly. He would never admit it to you.

'' I'll be fine tanhi '' He reassures with a smile, lifting his fingers to brush over your face. So beautiful. He could never get over how gorgeous you were, and how lucky he is

You know better than to argue with him. When his mind was set, that was it. With a sigh through your nose, he gently nod. He was so stubborn

He reaches out to place a gentle kiss on your forehead and resumes what he was doing. Butterflies gather in your stomach from the gentle gesture when more thunder booms outside, breaking you out of your thoughts. You grow more nervous by the minute

He finally finishes the important, bigger tasks, then begins to head out, '' I won't be long, I promise ''

You watch as his figure disappears into the forest headed inland, missing him close by you already

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

The storm begins within no time. Hard rain beating down on the ocean and sand, with the waves retreating and crashing over and over again. Right after he left, you tried laying in your shared bed, hoping that would relax you.. nothing. You tried working on some new tops and loincloths to past the time.. nothing. All you could do was wait and pace. You stand, grabbing your blanket. Wrapping the material around you and turning your back towards the entrance, knawing on your inner lip from stress. He still isn't back yet. What is taking him so long?

As if right on queue, you hear heavy footsteps behind you. You quickly turn around to find your mate in the doorway, completely soaked from the rain.

You were in awe. He was heaving from rushing, trying to get back home, back to you. The water highlighted every toned muscle on his body, slowly dripping downwards. His drenched curly hair plastered against his skin, some strands stuck to his forehead.

'' I'm sorry for keeping you waiting'' He lets out lowly, ''Let me get a fire started..'' He drags everything he has collected near your fire place, unpacking and settling it

You blink a few times with no reply, making your way to the bed. The image of him a few moments ago replaying over and over in your mind. What you would give... or rather, what you would do to have him like that over or underneath you. With his deep moans vibrating throughout your ears. Your cheeks flush and thighs squeeze together from your dirty thoughts. You can almost see it clear as day as if it were really happening

But then a voice, err, his voice calls out as he is bent down right in front of you,'' if you are cold, then you need to be sitting over there'' gesturing towards the lively flames. Your eyes dart between his face and the fire, trying to regain focus, remembering where you are and what you are doing. You get up and make your way over, with him following closely behind.

''Thank you'' you chirp. Your knees facing the heat, his legs caging you in on both sides. He has not dried off, at all. ''Ralak! you are still soaked!'' you gasp and whine, trying to bend away from his cold frame, ''then help me get warm,'' he pokes, locking you in close with his arms.

As he pulls you closer, you can feel something on your back.. Ah. Seems as though he has gotten pretty excited too. He notices you've gone still, and uses this moment to brush your hair from your shoulder to begin planting kisses over the smooth teal skin. You lean back into him, enveloped from the warmth of the fire and the heat from your face that is shooting sparks all over your body.

He takes his hand and snakes it between your legs and under your band, locating your bud and gently rubbing it in circles. You gasp while slightly arching your back from him

''mmm Tanhi'' his voice sounding predatory, like he has been craving you and your body the entire time he was away. He uses the other hand to have a firm grasp on your leg to keep you open. The pressure on your clit and pace increases. A moan escapes, and you begin to see stars, feeling the build up from deep within. The onslaught of his mouth makes his way to your neck, leaving light bruises in their wake.

''Ralak, I- '' you plead, nearing your climax. The mix of sensations becoming overwhelming. He begins to rock his hips, chasing the friction up against your lower back, moaning into your ear. Your close, so close. The mixture of his moans and the pleasure he is giving you pushing you closer to the edge

You groan through your teeth, ''I'm gonna c-'' but your words were cut off by his complete switch in pace, abusing your bud until it is throbbing from overstimulation

You began convulsing as your white hot climax washes over you, struggling in his hold. He continues massaging you, teasing your entrance every now and then.

You have to close your legs over his hand, the sensation becoming too much.

You could hear the smile in his voice ''You were so good for me''. Out of breath and a little out of it, his comment managed to force a smile of your own to appear on your face

You loved rainy days

© zafrinaxyz 2023

[mrfancyfoot]

Had to be put under for a minor surgery that I didn't know was general ana and a bigger deal until, like, right before it (recap: I'm in the ER stiiiill). Prior to said surgery, I warned the surgery prep and anesthesia teams (literally like 3x and this is the same place I've had all of my other surgeries where the exact same thing has happened each time) that I have some known extreme reactions when waking up (notably temporary full body paralysis that includes my ability to talk and extreme light sensitivity - informed them would be best if I woke up in a dim area/room and allowed to adjust to lighting). A quick scan to the Google says that these side effects are very well known. I have a long history of sleep paralysis, so that alone does not bother me.

I come to, predictably with the paralysis and photosensitivity, and immediately start having a panic attack because I'm under one of those bright overhead exam lights and it feels like my brain is imploding under the overwhelming stimulus. Despite just "waking up" I am fully cognizant and aware. I can't move anything but my left hand and my head from side to side (sort of). While I'm attempting to bury my face in my shoulder, I'm trying desperately to tell the tech what's wrong (I kept trying to say the word "light" as well as I could; I was snapping with my left hand and pointing up, and even fucking using ASL to literally spell "Light," and all he can think to ask is, "You have to tell us what's wrong." "You have to use your words, sweetie!" over and over.

He gets very obviously frustrated (tone, scoffing) and gives me something through my IV to "calm me down" but ends up giving too much and knocks me back out and the last thing I hear are inappropriate comments made with someone else and their laughter.

There is hardly anything scarier than being fully cognizant and trapped in your own body undergoing trauma. I was absolutely furious and felt humiliated.

His official notes from the incident state that I was crying and "mumbling and grumbling" and not coherent. They automatically assumed that I was just making a big deal of the pain from the operation (I had 0 pain from that at all at the time).

I was eventually moved back up to my room at some point. The moment I could talk again, I asked to file an official complaint. My normal care team at my room knew what was up b/c I warned them ahead of time- they were amazingly understanding and considerate and went out of their way to help me. A lovely patient representative comes up a bit later and takes my statement with her own barely hidden growing ire.

I'm not personally looking for anything but they need some process improvement (why on earth is this not documented in my file???<--except this, I HAVE requested this AGAIN), better patient empathy, and that tech needs to work on his damn bedside manner.

A whole team of people decided that what I had painstakingly reported ahead of time wasn't worth taking seriously. At least one tech is likely making inappropriate comments when he believes that the patient under his care is "incoherent."

In contrast, as I was waking up from my hysterectomy surgery here less than a year ago, I was in a very dimly lit room, the nurses worked with me to very gradually brighten the lights, and communicated in yes/no questions I could move my head to answer until I was able to form words and sentences again. I also reported this to the patient rep as THAT is what quality care looks like and clearly showed that the hospital is capable of it.

Always self-advocate. I came here with some major impostor syndrome ("It's not so bad that I need to go to the ER and potentially take a bed from someone else.") and was told that I had 1000% made the best decision due to the severity and type of symptoms. I was almost immediately admitted into triage and then the emergency in-patient wing.

And tattle on care workers who need to be better. Most hospitals will have patient resources and representatives that you can ask to speak to and contact. If you're lucky, it may lead to better quality of care if you're stuck there and being cared for by some dolt. Even if you never have to see them again, their behavior may be addressed and save the next person.

[zzazztrainer]

my acetate cel materials test sheet. took 3 hours to paint the colors on, so hopefully that gets faster (granted, it does have 4 faces on it) but i definitely wish i'd put more time into making the test drawings be a little more... on model.

i used grafix 8.5 x 11 acetate sheets (about 25 cents a sheet where i bought it) (i went for printer sheet sized cause it's the size of my scanner's scanning bed.) All the actual lineart is done with a technical pen with koh-i-noor acetate ink in it. i tested all my regular liners and stuff (pentel pocket brush pen, sakura pigma microns and brush version, white gel pens, sharpies) just to see if i was going overkill by buying a 22$ pen and 7$ ink i'll use Only For This and nope, everything else wipes off readily except regular sharpie, which is unfortunately just not opaque enough for lineart. (weirdly, the sharpie liner wiped off so completely it's just a smudge) Although i did the white highlights in gel pen anyway, cause it's easy and a little bit more stable than some of the regular liner's inks

Even the special acetate ink is a little fragile and takes a while to dry. Note the smudges on the upper-left drawing, which i inked first. the acrylic is just cheap-ish DecoArt brand i got in a set because it had close-enough colors for most of ragged's design, but if i continue Seriously i might invest in 10$ a pot to get vinyl paints, cause although only one brand out there now still labels it as specifically animation paint (toon tones) afaict most vinyl paint should be the same thing. at least for painting cels in western animation

here are some things i've learned about the medium from this:

it's freaky how much it looks like digital art in person. the colors are so impossibly flat and smooth, which you don't think about much when looking at old animation because it has the texture of the film grain on it

harder to color in the lines than you think. especially when your colors cover up the lines. probably gonna have to try to draw a little bigger. a good reason for that stylistic choice of having thicker outlines just for the outer edges though, i couldn't afford a second technical pen right now sooooo i'll just have to git gud

you Really gotta blob on the paint. this could be from getting cheap acrylics but footage i've seen of old production suggests that's just how it is. a softer brush was better for it (i think it was a cheapo watercolor brush?) but i could only use that for fairly big areas cause it splayed out wider

it seems like the acrylic faintly warped the acetate, i think from the acrylic shrinking as it dries. in general, the cel got pretty wibbly from just handling it. Later productions did use polyester instead of acetate and perhaps that is less affected, but i don't think i feel a need to have archival quality materials, at least not when i'm just experimenting and am going to digitally composite my animation anyway. (and acetate was cheaper than Dura-Lar)

gonna have to solve the shadows it casts in the scanner, even when the lid is pressing it down. it's a pretty cool-looking effect for just an image, but it's gonna be annoying in the video editing stage (and the smooth flat colors make it super obvious to me that my scanner's colors are really off, i still had to edit this but didn't bother making it totally irl accurate)

taking out the light table for this was a pretty good idea even though i wasn't animating, cause it made it real easy to check for missed or thin spots on the paint

cotton gloves to avoid fingerprints made me feel like a Cool Serious Artist, and then i didn't have to scrub paint off my fingers afterwards

i feel like i really Get something about why old animation looked A Certain Way that i didn't understand just from reading about it, but can't put it succinctly into words. aside from that and the fun of Nerdiness, research and bragging rights i'm not sure i'd suggest animating like this when digital tools are available, cause once you put it on a screen it just looks like digital art anyway

[studyextraordinaire]

SAT Subject Test: Chemistry  Pt I

[whimsicallyreading]

“I just realized I’m desperately in love with you-“

Prompt Day One for Rowaelin Month

~

"Rowan, take a picture of that one. It's so cute." Aelin fawns quietly.

Rowan gives a long-suffering sigh. "There are a thousand of them here. Do you have to pester me into taking a picture of every seal pup we come across?"

"Her name is Fleetfoot, and yes. Isn't that the whole reason we are here?" Aelin looks at him equally annoyed, a strand of gold spun hair freeing itself from beneath her parka.

"I'm here to study the behavioral patterns of tiger seals and orcas in a rapidly shifting environment. You are here to keep our equipment functioning. If you keep talking, neither of us will finish our jobs and escape from this wasteland." Rowan switches the lens of his camera to focus on two male seals who were squaring up with each other in the distance.

Rowan nearly threw his camera over the boat and jumped off into the coastal waters of Argentina when he realized who had been assigned to assist him on this expedition.

He'd insisted that only he and one other make the trek across the Antarctic. Insisting a large group could impede the quality of his research. When they agreed, Rowan thought they would send him with Lorcan or Brullo. Both were accomplished survivalists and scholars—valuable additions to any team.

Instead, it was Aelin Ashryvver who waited for him at the dock. The most annoying newbie on his floor. Dorian insisted that her knowledge of mechanical engineering would make her invaluable.

So far, she was just a verifiable pain in his ass.

She sat around bored as Rowan spent the day writing notes and snapping photos. Occasionally she helped him set up microphones. On one instance, she fixed their ATV. It was the first and only time he'd found her truly useful.

Rowan couldn't wait to go home.

"Alright, we have the cameras positioned. We should head back to the base. The temps are dropping. We need to warm up and eat."

Aelin nods quietly, she would never admit it, but the severe temperatures are taking a toll on her. It was amazing how important something like fat is in a frigid environment. Rowan is naturally covered in layers of dense muscle. While Aelin is fit herself, she's still small and the first to feel the effects of persistent cold.

Watching the seals, she occasionally found herself jealous of their thick layers of blubber that kept them comfortable. She should have carb-loaded before they set sail.

They hop on the snow ski and traverse quickly over the powderlike substance.

~~~

When they reach the Terresen South Pole station and ditch their coats, they fall to the floor in a cascade of flurries. Rowan's spine straightens for the first time that day. Their coats were dense. With the additional weight of all of the equipment he carried, there was a perpetual bend in his spine.

It was a huge relief to be inside a climate-controlled building—light layers, freedom movement, and feeling in all of his extremities. Tossing that coat off was the pinnacle of his daily routine on this mission.

That is until he realized it was freezing.

Walking over to a light switch with urgency, he flicks it a few times. Nothing happens. Anxiety wells in his gut, and he hits the wall a couple of times before flipping the switch again.

"Shit," Rowan hisses.

"The power is out," Aelin's eyes widen with the realization. "That's not good."

"I thought I was the scientist, but look at you stating the obvious," Rowan growls as he shrugs his jacket back on. It wasn't nearly as frigid inside the insulated building as it was outside, but it was still bitterly cold. Keeping warm would be their first step in survival. Without heat, shit could hit the fan for them very quickly. Thankfully their satellite phones should still be functioning; he'd charged the battery the day before. There should be enough juice in the phones to send out a mayday call even without power.

Aelin doesn't put on her jacket. Instead, she heads in the direction of the lockers with a look of determination plastered on her face. It was a look he'd slowly begun to grow familiar with, mainly when Rowan was holding a ration packet she wanted. It made him uneasy.

"Where are you going?" Rowan calls after her, picking up her jacket. He wouldn't be held responsible for his younger, female partner freezing to death. HR at the University would have his head on a stick if she died on his watch.

He follows Aelin to her locker, where she's already sliding a grey jumpsuit over her clothes.

"I can fix the engines," Aelin pulls her zipper up. The jumpsuit covered head-to-toe, but they weren't nearly as warm as their snow gear. He could already see a slight blue-ish tint to her lips. "They probably just stalled. All I need to do is go down, diagnose the problem, and fix it. Easy as pie."

Ignoring the massive oversimplification of their situation, knowing it was a lost cause, he focuses on the immediate problem. "You need to keep your jacket on," Rowan thrusts the article of clothing at her. Her color was concerning him, and the longer she went without the thermal garment, the higher his stress became.

Aelin gives him a long-suffering look, all too similar to the one he gives her. "And get my hood or a sleeve caught in one of those beasts? Those machines are massive. Getting snagged could rip my arm off or kill me. It's like you don't even have a master's in engineering and a spotless safety record," she smiles at Rowan's scowling face. "Oh wait, that's me. Let me do my job, Dr. Whitethorn."

Before Rowan could argue, Aelin was gone down the stairwell towards the engines.

Dragging a frustrated hand through his hair, he tosses her jacket on the floor. His time is probably better spent getting through to their mission handlers on the satellite phones anyway.

~~~

Two hours later, Rowan has long finished his call with Dorian.

Their expedition leader had asked if they wanted a recovery team sent out to them, but Rowan hesitated. He was on the mission of a lifetime. He'd spent years waiting for approval to research at the southernmost tip of the world. It would be a devastating blow to his career and his pride for it to be cut short. The selfish part of him wanted to stay. The rationale, reasonable part of him was aching to stay the full duration of the expedition.

"You know, Dr. Whitethorn," Dorian spoke carefully. "There is a reason we chose Aelin to accompany you. She may be green and lacking a doctorate, but she's a miracle worker at what she does."

"Are you asking me to put my life in the newbie's hands?" Rowan asked without his standard vitriol. The situation and the cold had left him with no energy to be spiteful. He'd heard talk of her capabilities amongst the guys, and he'd seen a fraction of it when their snowmobile broke down. Rowan thinks back to the look on her face when she'd gone down the stairs. The steely determination of a warrior marching off to do battle.

Dorian laughs as if there was something funny about two of his most stubborn colleagues getting stranded in the south pole by themselves. "I'm not asking you to do anything. It's your call."

Rowan closes his eyes and contemplates their options. His head told him they should call the extraction team before they were nothing but frozen corpses. Yet, his heart didn't want to leave so soon. There was still so much work left to do.

Could he rely on Aelin?

"We will stay for now. Expect a call in twenty-four hours with a progress update." Rowan disconnected the transmission without any of the standard formalities.

After the fruitless call, he checks their food supply. Rowan scans the shelves, comfortable they wouldn't go hungry any time soon. Their only concern would be keeping all their shit from freezing, including their water. Rowan triple checks that everything is insulated, sealed, and stored away before moving on to other essentials, like batteries.

Another hour passes as he takes inventory, and Rowan is starting to feel the cold more than before. His nailbeds slowly shift from blue to white beneath his thick gloves, and he can't control the slight quaking spreading up his limbs.

When Rowan hears the doorway to the stairwell creak, he goes to check in with Aelin on her progress.

What he finds when he opens the locker room door sends his heart to his throat.

Aelin's hands loosely grip the zipper of her jumpsuit as she weakly attempts to free herself. Her face is a ghostly white, and her movements sluggish.

If she weren't moving, he'd have thought she was already frozen.

"Aelin, are you good? Talk to me." Rowan rushes to her and helps Aelin step out from the jumpsuit.

"I fixed the engine," Aelin coughs into the crook of her arm, her voice scratchy from the cool air. "It will be a couple of hours before they can catch up and heat the building."

Rowan rips off a glove and holds a bare hand to her cheek. Aelin's skin is freezing to the touch, even to his own icy hands. He notes that she isn't trembling the same way he is. It's not a good sign, the biologist in him notes. He knows it's her body growing too weak to keep itself warm.

"Sit down. You're freezing," Rowan helps her slide to the floor and looks at the discarded jacket that's still lying there. It won't warm her quick enough.

"Rowan?" Aelin speaks from her slightly slumped position.

Rowan is pacing, trying to think. They don't have a means of warming water for a bath. Laying next to the generators is too risky.

"Rowan," Aelin murmurs, her eyes drooping. "I can't feel my feet."

Rowan looks at her, and for a moment, she looks like an ice princess. Her blond hair is slipping from its braid and coiling across her colorless face. The cerulean blue of her eyes was the brightest color he now saw regularly beside the southern lights. They stood out even more starkly now.

It was all wrong.

"It's going to be alright, Aelin. You said the power is back on?" Rowan lifts her into his arms, her freezing nose burrowing into the crook of his neck.

"Yeah," she rasps against his shoulder. "But it will take a while for the building to heat."

"We don't need the whole building to heat. Do you trust me?" Rowan trots down the hall, careful not to bump her against the narrow doorframes.

She mumbles something incoherent into his shirt. "I trust you."

Rowan is thankful that the cold keeps the flush from his face. He reaches the desired room and fiddles with the control panel on the wall. A wave of relief hits him as the room behind the heavy door audibly hums to life.

"Okay, here we go." He says more to himself than Aelin. Rowan ditches the jacket and pulls his long-sleeved tee over his head. The buttons of his pants are next, leaving him in only his boxers.

Turning around, Aelin looks weary but not surprised. "Nice abs."

"Thanks," He says and kneels next to her, eyes searching her face for permission.

Aelin dips her head, "I'm not shy, Whitethorn. Don't fret."

Rowan helps Aelin maneuver her stiff limbs out of her garments until she is left in nothing but her bra and panties. Her face is pained as even more of her is exposed to the cold.

"Hurts," Aelin grits through her teeth, and Rowan gathers her up again. The icy room is like barbs against his exposed skin, but he's not in a position to complain.

The minute he carries her into the balmy air of the sauna, Aelin flinches. "Oh, that smarts."

"I know. It's going to suck for a bit while your blood recirculates." Rowan consoles softly, knowing he would also feel the cramping as they got their blood moving.

Drastic temperatures changes weren't the ideal way to warm up, but they'd spent far too long in the cold. He needed to get Aelin shivering again. It was the body's natural defense against the cold, and when a person could no longer shiver, it meant they were dipping into the realm of hypothermia.

The sauna was an added addition for the comfort of the researchers who visited the Southern base. It was a great tool to warm people after spending hours in the harsh climate. He'd heard tales of it from colleagues who'd visited the base before but hadn't yet saught to use it himself. Rowan was too focused on the mission. It hadn't carried any appeal for him until this moment, and now he was beyond grateful for its existence.

Rowan sits on the floor instead of the bench so that Aelin can curl up comfortably in his lap. Skin-to-skin contact was one of the best ways to help a person regulate their body temperature. He soothes a calloused hand over the length of her arm, trying to spread what remained of his warmth to her skin.

Aelin's cheek rests against his chest, and Rowan uses one hand to free her hair from its braid. The curtain of gold fans across her back, and he has to resist the urge to run his fingers through its waves.

He'd noticed how beautiful she was the day they first met at the university. Out of respect, he'd immediately repressed those thoughts. They were professionals, and Rowan wasn't about to ruin his reputation fawning over the new, young blonde on their floor.

But with her laying half-naked in his lap, it was hard to disregard how pretty she was. It wasn't even just her appearance. The girl was magnetic in every way. People paid attention when she walked in, and she claimed the lion's share of air in the room.

Fenrys and Conall flirted with her remorselessly. It secretly irked him. Rowan had long since memorized the way she laughed and how she'd smile as she shoed them away. It was all good-natured fun for them, but it always made Rowan irrationally angry. The time she'd showed up at the annual Christmas party in a green velvet dress with an open back nearly left his brain on the floor. His eyes had raked the smooth plains of skin, only turning away when she'd tried to catch his eye.

If he'd been paying attention, he would have seen her look of disappointment.

Rowan had written it off as an infatuation—a natural response to seeing an attractive woman. The scientist in him wanted to boil it down to chemistry and hormones. Cold facts that could diagnose the way he felt every time he laid eyes on her. Yet, as Rowan laid there with a hurting Aelin in his arms, he began to wonder if there was something more.

Her pain was making his chest physically ache.

A pair of arms snaked around his waist, and his body jerked. Aelin looks up at him sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm just really comfortable."

Rowan relaxes, "It's fine."

The steam in the room is slowly building. Rowan can feel the cramping beginning in his legs. Aelin's weight on his thighs was not helping the slightest, but there was no way in hell he'd move her.  

"My body is aching," Aelin says lightly, but he can hear the strain in her voice and feel a slight tremble running through her.

"That's good. Can you feel your feet?" Rowan can no longer resist, and her hair parts between his fingers like strands of gold silk.

Aelin tightens her arms around him, "Yeah. A bit. I didn't realize how numb they got until I took off my boots."

There's a slight tickle at his back, Aelin's finger tracing a pattern against his skin. A flush of warmth rushes through him, not from the sauna.

He's in unending deep shit.

"Aelin," his voice wavers uncharacteristically. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

The fingers on his back continue making their delicate patterns. "No."

"Aelin?" He asks again, but she cuts him off with a groan.

"Stop asking me questions and just kiss me," Aelin grips the back of his head and pulls his lips down to her's.

An inferno blooms inside his soul.

Aelin could never be a winter queen. She was the raging embodiment of summer. A burning ember he'd carried from the north into this land of ice. As his lips move against hers, he swears his body is lit ablaze, and when Rowan opens his eyes, he's delighted at the flush he finds unfurling across her cheeks.

"It's suddenly a lot warmer." Aelin laughs, looking more lively even as her body starts to quake from the warmth finally reaching her.

He kisses her cheek and tilts her ear towards his lips, "Aelin?"

"Another question?" Aelin's smile curls into something feline. "Is this that scientific curiosity the university is always going on about?"

"I just realized I'm desperately in love with you,"

Rowan lets the truth fall from his lips. It was just the two of them. They were the only human souls in this far corner of the earth. There was no one to stop him as he finally lets the emotions he'd been repressing until the moment Aelin was in danger wash over him.

"That's not a question," Aelin responds after a moment, her tone light and jovial.

Rowan smiles. "It's not."

Aelin curls back up against Rowan, enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. An embarrassing sound of contentment escapes her, which worsens her blush.

Not forgetting their original purpose in the sauna, Rowan grips her hands and massages them between his. "You have no response?"

"Not one that HR is going to like." Aelin winces as her hand spasms, and Rowan methodically works to ease the ache.

"Say it anyway," Rowan implores. Screw the university. He was tired of living for his work alone. Nothing outshined this moment, holding this woman in his arms. He could find a new job, but if Aelin reciprocated his feelings, he couldn't find another one of her.

"Well, I thought it was pretty obvious when I wore that dress to the Christmas party and then found a reason to walk past your office every day." Aelin huffs and looks up at him, "Don't tell me you didn't know?"

Rowan was speechless.

Aelin's eyes twinkle with amusement. "Rowan, Dorian, and I are friends. Did you know that?"

"What?" Rowan blinks confusedly. That was common knowledge, but he didn't understand why she was bringing that up now.

"Dorian and I go way back. He knew I had a thing for you, and I told him sending me on this trip was unethical when I'm such a new hire-" Aelin trails off, waiting for him to grasp her point.

"Wait," Rowan looks down at her, bemused. "Dorian was trying to set us up?"

"Human recourses won't like that very much either," Aelin grins. "But Dorian would keep our secret. He owes me a lot of favors."

The sauna's temperature had slowly been rising, and Rowan could see that his skin was returning to its usual color. Aelin still looked a bit pale, but it was probably residuals from being so close to freezing.

She'd risked herself to save the expedition and successfully fixed the engines. Rowan didn't believe for one second that Dorian only sent her in an elaborate attempt to set her up. She was bright and cunning. He was lucky to have her along with him.

"You got here on your merit," Rowan presses a soft peck to her lips as he soothes her unvoiced concern. He refused to let her doubt her level of skill. "But if the feelings are mutual, I would love to take you on a date when we get back home?"

"I would love that," Aelin crawls off his lap and holds a hand out. "Come on, now. We need to eat and sleep. We have seals to observe."

Rowan accepted her hand. Forget the seals. He would have a difficult time keeping his attention on them. His eyes were glued to her bare legs as they moved and the way her hair swung free of its constraints.

She smirked over his shoulder. Aelin knew precisely what she was doing to him.

Rowan had traversed to the end of the world to understand the natural universe a little better. While he hadn't unlocked any great mysteries, he couldn't help but think what he did find was better.

[ack3rlady]

<click for better quality>

Sooo... I made a sketch based on my self-ship drabble -

Just The Two of Us

Behold Erwin and I slow-dancing at the Capital 😊

Can you tell how smitten I am by him, even in the drawing? 😍

Happy Happpppy New Year, everyone! Hope your year is as wholesome and fulfilling as this self-ship is for me!

Thanks for sending me this drabble request, @reikoackerman!!! You've made me realize Erwin-dreams I didn't even know, I had! 🥰

Note to self - Progress I've made so far:

I'm slowly beginning to work on my shading skills, especially with skin, apart from trying to get postures right. It's super tricky to do on the desktop though. My lines don't come out as smooth as they would normally, and I haven't invested in good brushes yet. I have a mighty long way to go with doing clothes and I haven't even begun working lighting into the figures. But I see a visible progress with faces. Yay me! Stay tuned for more!

Sketch- Hand-drawn and scanned

Render - Photoshop through desktop

[eryiss]

Ship: Freed x Laxus

Rating: Teen

Prompt: Soulmates

Summary: THE S0U1MATE SYSTEM. A week-long experience guaranteed to find you your soulmate. Laxus had dismissed it as nothing but crap, and brought himself a ticket to prove it. It would have gone well, if it weren’t for the handsome guy running the program who kept catching his eye.

Notes: This was written as part of Fraxus Week 2021, as always hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus. Check out their blog to see all the other content.

Links: Event Masterlist ||| Archive of Our Own, Fanfiction

THE S0U1MATE SYSTEM

Year: 2055

Location: Tokyo, Japan

"Laxus Dreyar," A robotically cheerful voice echoed through the room. "Please step into the preparation area."

Rising quickly, Laxus strode through the reception room and towards the door that had lit up. The animated emoticon projected onto the wall followed him as he walked, and the glass door shimmered out of existence as he approached. Once through the archway, the glass flickered back into place, and the emoticon went back to its unanimated state. So far, Laxus had yet to be impressed by THE S0U1MATE SYSTEM.

It claimed to be an experience that will end up matching an attendee with their soulmate. You paid your fee, gave up a week of your life, trusted in the system that it would work, and supposedly you'd end up meeting the love of your life. Laxus was only there to disprove it.

Well, also because Ever had paid for it, and he knew how much it costed. But mainly he went to disprove it.

So far, he'd undergone a full body scan, had his social media accounts interrogated, and submitted a completed questionnaire that covered everything from best first date ideas to how he dealt with the inevitability of death. This was apparently so the algorithm could create a profile for him, and was not reflective of how the program would be. According to the guidebook Laxus had absently flicked through, the morning of the first day was slightly tedious, so to better match him with potential lovers. It all seemed stupid �� as far as Laxus was concerned, romance was born out of coincidence and chemistry, not a list of things you liked and didn't like – but he was willing to undergo it all just to prove how it was a waste of money.

Each day, he would go on an 'Experience' with a match. It was a simulation of a first date, purpose built to the two people's shared interests. Some people went on candle lit dinners, some people went into an escape room, some people were stranded in the middle of the ocean with only each other for company. Every experience was tailored to the participants.

At least it would be interesting.

Laxus walked down the corridor, following the neon arrows that pointed him to another shimmering glass door. The pretentious modernism of the building was obvious, and it showed off every ridiculous advancement in technology in the most frivolous ways. It couldn't be a more obvious money-making scheme if it tried.

As he walked through the door, he saw a man standing at a podium. His date, perhaps.

Well, if that was the case, they at least knew his type.

Tall, long legs with some obvious lean bulk to them. Well dressed, in clothing that clearly was trying to highlight his physique but not in an obvious way. His face, looking down at the tablet attached to the podium, was sharp and angular, with high cheek bones and a slightly jutting chin. A mole rested below one of his vibrant eyes, and a long main of flowing green hair hung down to his waist. He was hot and Laxus grinned; at least he would spend a bit of time with a sexy guy.

As Laxus approached, the man looked up with a polite smile. He didn't make a move towards him, as Laxus expected, and continued to tap on the tablet before him. The lights gained a bright blue and the small room illuminated itself.

"You must be mister Dreyar," The man said in lieu of a greeting.

"Yeah, nice to meet ya," Laxus nodded, stepping forward and offering the man a hand to shake. He took it; he had a good grip on him. "Guess you're my date for the evening."

"Ah, I'm afraid not," The man denied, and Laxus frowned a little. "I work here, I'll be overseeing your simulations throughout the week as part of a quality control test. You'll meet the man who you've been set up with in the simulation itself."

"Thought the system was supposed to be automated?" Laxus asked, retracting his hand, and taking a step back.

"It is. A few times a year someone is called to watch over, to make sure it's as streamlined as possible," The man looked back down to his tablet again and began typing, and a small bubbling of curiosity grew in Laxus. Nothing he'd act on, but the face of concentration on the man was an attractive one. "I'm surprised you weren't informed beforehand; I must admit. It's in the contract you signed that this could happen, but the company does like to warn people before things begin."

"It ain't a big deal," Laxus shrugged, looking around the small room. "I ain't really sure how this part of the process works, so maybe you could help. I didn't catch yer name, either."

"Freed Justine," The man introduced himself, smirking ever so slightly. "In a moment you'll walk through those doors," he motioned to the aforementioned doors, "and the simulation will begin. Your date will walk through another set of doors, and you'll meet then. We like to have dates meet for the first time mid-way through a simulation, as it feels more natural than meeting beforehand. Once you've spoken for a while, the activity of the simulation can begin."

"How do I know what the 'activity' is?"

"It's normally fairly obvious. If you were, for example, white water rafting, you'd be placed on a dock with a boat already attached to the rapids," Freed explained, looking up from the tablet again. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Laxus would have rather known what he was getting into before it happened, he felt like it would give him an advantage. He couldn't dwell on that, though, as the floor below him lit up. Pulses of light seemed to guide him to a corner of the room, where an odd glass cylinder stood. Clearly they were informing him that he was to get inside the cylinder and, after a nod from Freed, he did as he was instructed.

The cylinder closed as he stepped in, and a flicker of nervousness dwelled inside of him as the glass seemed to seal itself shut. He glanced towards Freed, who gave him a short smile, before a flash of light erupted from above. It only lasted a moment, and Laxus took a second to understand what had happened.

His clothing had changed. Where once he wore an outfit he saw as worthy for a date, he now wore a tee-shirt, shorts, and sneakers.

"The hell?" He murmured under his breath.

"That's the outfit that best fits what kind of date you'll be having," Freed explained as the glass unsealed and Laxus could step out. "Partly it's to better round out the simulation, but I think it's mainly so we don't get sued for property damage should your actual clothes get stained or damaged."

"How romantic," Laxus murmured, before looking down at himself. "Am I having a date in a gym or something?"

"Yes, actually. One of your shared interests is combat sports, so you'll be placed in a boxing arena," Freed said after looking towards the tablet. He thought for a moment, then frowned. "I probably shouldn't have told you that."

"Glad you did, I like being prepared," Laxus shrugged. "Boxing's hardly romantic, though."

"For the right person, it is," Freed retorted. The lights around the simulation door lit up green, and Freed smiled. "Speaking of the right person, the simulation is ready, so when you're ready please step through. I hope you enjoy your date."

"I'll certainly try," Laxus nodded. "And if I don't, I get to punch the guy."

Freed laughed, and Laxus approached the door and refocused his attention on his goal on disproving the systems worth. He knew that the guy in the simulation wouldn't be his soulmate. If the company was worth it's price, then they would have understood that Freed was a better match for him than some random guy who happened to like to box. Still, once this was over and he'd disproven their complete success claim, he might get Freed's number. It wouldn't be a waste of time.

---

"So he wasn't the love of your life, then?"

That was what greeted Laxus as he walked into the preparation area outside of the simulation. It had been a day since his first date, and Freed stood before his tablet again as if he'd been waiting for Laxus to approach. He probably had.

"Wouldn't be here if he was," Laxus shrugged. "You saw how it went. Hardly compatible."

"I suppose not."

The date itself wasn't awful, in fact it was pretty fun. As Freed had stated, he'd been taken into a simulation of an old-fashioned boxing gymnasium, where he'd met the guy. He wasn't bad looking, and in pretty damn good shape, but they hadn't been destined for a relationship and they both knew it. Though Laxus couldn't say it was time wasted, as they'd exchanged information and said they'd workout together at some point. Laxus had always found it hard to find a spotter who could match his weight, and the guy could certainly do that and more.

"The first dates don't typically be where people settle," Freed continued, tapping at his tablet, perhaps setting up the next simulation. "The first half of the week has a low success rate, honestly. I believe it's mainly collecting information to better inform the matches later in the week, so don't be disheartened."

"I wasn't," Laxus shrugged. "If I'm honest, I don't believe this is real."

"I thought as much," Freed chuckled. "Though you probably shouldn't have told a member of staff that. It might taint my view of you."

"What are you gonna do. Throw me into a simulated volcano?"

"I could," Freed grinned, and it was a pretty nice look on the man. "But the real danger is that you say it to a member of staff who's gone through the program and who met their partner through it. They can get somewhat defensive, and they'll do whatever they can to make you believe it will work, and they'll be rather annoying while doing so. It's something I know from experience."

"You ain't been through it?"

"No, I'm hardly in a rush to find someone," Freed shrugged a little. "I believe that these things will happen when they're meant to, so why force them? And yes, before you point it out, it's hypocritical of me to say that while working here."

"Never been tempted?" Laxus asked.

"Of course. I know you don't believe it but I've yet to see someone leave the program without meeting someone they eventually fell in love with."

Freed didn't seem like the kind of guy to say bullshit like that for no reason, and the honesty in his tone didn't feel as though he was parroting a line from a corporate memo, so maybe he did believe it. Admittedly Laxus hardly knew Freed, so he couldn't make too many judgments about his person, but the fact he seemed to believe that this could find him true love was a little intimidating. A pragmatist like Freed – that's what Laxus thought him to be, anyway – wouldn't say that if he didn't believe it.

A horrible thought suddenly hit Laxus. He might actually find someone who he might fall in love with. That was… worrying.

"You won't need to change clothes today, your date won't require it," Freed said, looking up from his tablet again.

"Good to know," Laxus nodded, trying to ignore the nervousness that was filling him. "You gonna tell me what I'm doing?"

"No," Freed shook his head. "For all we know, if I didn't tell you yesterday, the date might have been entirely different."

"Nah, I don't think so," Laxus chuckled, walking towards the podium Freed was standing behind and leaning on it. He grinned at the man, who looked up at him for a moment before averting his eyes. "Tell me, I'll complain about you to yer manager if you don't."

"What a horrible threat," Freed said sardonically, though he did look down at his tablet again. "It's a fairground with a circus performance at the end. And apparently your date is something of a gymnast, and so there's a high chance that he'll get on stage and perform for you."

"Is that gonna be impressive or is it gonna make me wanna claw my eyes out?" Laxus laughed.

"He's a professional athlete, so I suspect the former," Freed grinned a little.

They chatted for a few minutes more, and eventually the lights around the door lit up again and guided him towards his second date. Laxus pushed off from the podium he was still leaning on, ignoring the teasing comment that he should adjust his posture if he wanted to impress his future husband, and walked through the door and into the simulation of an outdoor fairground. As he crossed the threshold, he didn't notice how his nerves had disappeared completely.

---

"I'm startin' to think your program ain't as good as you're saying it is."

Laxus spoke as he walked into the preparation area, and Freed looked up with a small grin on his face as he approached. Laxus had the slightest falter in his step as he saw that Freed had his hair tied up in a high ponytail, rather than using the low band he'd had on the two previous days. Seriously, the simulation had matched him with two random men and not the beauty before him and yet still claimed to be the best matchmaking system in history. Ha.

His second date hadn't been bad, exactly. The guy was hot in his own way – and someone with a scene/punk interest would have been all over him – and he was entertaining the entire time. But he was a little too much for Laxus. Constantly wiggling eyebrows and euphemisms. Good for the right guy, but not for Laxus.

"We're still collecting data, every date is an improvement on the last," Freed waved off the complaint. "For example, you seemed to enjoy the games you were playing, so a bit of friendly competition is something you'll like in a relationship," Laxus had to admit, someone who could challenge him was a turn on, so the system had gotten that right about him. "That's certainly been taken into account for this date."

The way he'd said the last sentence, with a hint of amusement and restrained laughter, made Laxus nervous. He didn't push the topic, partially out of fear.

"We'll see how confident you are when the week's over and I've turned everyone down," Laxus shrugged.

"You're determined for this to fail for you, aren't you?" Freed asked with amusement, and Laxus didn't deny it, instead choosing to shrug. "Is that why you're here, do you see yourself as the man to take the system down and prove how much of a scam it is? Because we've had literally hundreds of people try that and we've yet to have an unsatisfied customer."

"How do I know they've not been silenced?" Laxus joked, grinning as he walked closer to Freed. "Or worse, you killed 'em, blended their bodies up and sold it as a health drink or something?"

"Because we're not in a poorly written young adult novel?" Freed chuckled. "We actually just burn the corpses, it's much less messy."

"Knew it," Laxus laughed. "You gonna tell me what you're gonna put me through today?"

"Absolutely not," Freed grinned. "And I won't move on that today. Because nothing is going to please me more than seeing your reaction to it."

"Why, it's not weird is it?" Laxus frowned, looking concerned now.

"It depends on your definition of weird, I suppose," Freed smirked, and if it weren't such an attractive expression on the man then Laxus might have taken issue with it. "I'll simply say, I expect it's weighted slightly more towards what your date will enjoy rather than what you're going to enjoy."

"Or you could just tell me what's gonna happen," Laxus prompted, and Freed shook his head.

"You'll require an outfit change."

Laxus sighed a little, apparently the topic was to be dropped. He walked to the glass pod in the corner of the room and allowed it to close behind him, and he turned to look at Freed in expectation. Freed pressed something on the tablet and the light flash of light filled the cylinder a moment later, the same chill running over him as his clothing was replaced.

When he saw his reflection, Laxus found himself more confused than anything. He was only wearing swimming trunks and a large life-preserver. He could swim fine, so didn't know what the hell the point of that thing was, and turned to Freed again in confusion.

Freed, who had apparently been looking at him, immediately turned away, and Laxus could see his cheeks redden.

Huh. Had Freed been checking him out.

"You really not gonna let me know why I need to wear this?" Laxus asked, stepping out of the pod, and lifting one side of the life-preserver. Freed looked back to him, pointedly looking only at his face, cheeks still covered with the slightest dusting of a blush. Laxus wanted to focus on that, and maybe flex his abs to see if he got a reaction, but instead spoke again in a jovial tone. "You know if I drown in a simulation, I'm gonna get a lawyer right?"

"I doubt that will happen," Freed said, seemingly forcing himself to shake off the blush. "It's just a precaution."

"You wanna tell me what it's a precaution against?" Laxus probed.

"No," Freed grinned again. The lights above the door lit up, and Freed's grin widened. "And it seems you'll be finding out now."

Laxus wanted to push the topic more and find out what he was going to endure, and he very nearly ignored the flashing green lights and did just that. He almost did, if it weren't for the fact that he also wanted to take off the life preserver and give Freed an unhindered view of his chest to see what happened, so he clearly wasn't in the right mind to be making decisions. He was trying to disprove love could be found in this place, flirting with the guy was hardly helping his argument.

As he had the previous two times, Freed wished him luck as he approached the door. Thie time, though, it was tinged with amusement, and Laxus felt a swell of anticipation as he walked through the door.

The simulation was… interesting. It took Laxus a moment to realise he recognised what he was seeing, and a further moment to remember what it was. When he was a kid, his grandfather had watched old reruns of a gameshow: Wipeout. It was a ridiculous set of obstacle courses, where idiot contestants tried to win money but usually ended up looking like assholes, falling into water after being hit by giant mechanisms covered in foam cladding. It was cheap entertainment where the contestants were there to be laughed at, and apparently Laxus was going to be enduring the damn thing.

He turned around quickly, watching as the doors flickered out of existence, Freed's smirk being the last thing he saw.

---

The moment Laxus walked into the preparation room, he was met with a bursting of laughter. He crossed his arms, watching as Freed tried and failed to retain his laughter. It took longer than it should have, and it was tempting to shake the bastard. He would deserve it if he was laughing at what Laxus thought he was laughing at.

"It ain't that funny."

"Oh it truly was."

Laxus grit his teeth. His third date had been the most interesting, that was for sure, but it had also been ridiculous. He'd been forced to go through three stupidly weird obstacle courses, competing against his date, who was a loud-mouthed idiot with stupidly pink hair.

Multiple times, he'd been pushed from the course and into the unnecessarily cold water. The loud cackling from his date seemed to be shot straight into his ears the moment he broke the surface of the water, and the man's amusement at Laxus failing seemed to double each time it happened. During the last round, when he'd been knocked down a slope of gushing water by a barrel of all things, Laxus had to stop himself from swimming over to the man and clocking him on the nose. He'd probably be kicked from the system, so he talked himself out of it and instead put his focus onto winning the game. He had, and the brat annoyingly wasn't bothered at all.

"He was fucking annoying," Laxus muttered as he walked closer to Freed. He leant against the podium again, closing his eyes in exasperation. "Good luck finding him a guy to match with."

"Actually he's on his fifth day here, and everyone other than you said they wanted to match with him," Freed informed him, looking over the tablet. He was being cagey in letting Laxus see the screen surely the next date wouldn't be as bad as the last. "So you're the outlier in the set. He's remarkably easy compared to you."

"Honestly, kinda offended by that," Laxus muttered.

Freed breathed out a laugh, before placing the tablet back onto the podium. Laxus didn't spare it a glance, and instead looked towards the clothes-changing pod to see if he would need a new outfit. Seemingly knowing that, the pod lit up and directed Laxus to enter. With a small sigh, he did.

Once inside, the flash went off and his clothes were replaced by the appropriate outfit. Thankfully, this time he'd been replaced by an actual normal outfit. A dinner suit, perfectly tailored for his body. It was entirely black and white and, while he definitely looked good in it, it wasn't exactly what he would have chosen for himself. He liked his clothes to have at least a splash of colour, and suits could have that in a tasteful way when done right.

"Before you ask, you'll be having dinner today," Freed informed him as he stepped out of the pod. "Fairly simple, but I think that's more than earned. Most people only have one peculiar simulation, you've had nothing but."

"Lucky me," Laxus murmured. "Wanna tell me about the guy?"

"No," Freed shook his head. "Though I should say, it's at this point in the program where the system starts to understand what you're looking for. So it's entirely possible that he might be the person you end up with."

"I doubt it," He rebuffed, glancing at his reflection in the pod.

"Just go in with an open mind, that's all I ask," Freed said, typing on the tablet again. "The gentleman you've been set up with supposedly has a ninety two percent match with the data on you we currently have. There's a good chance that this might go well if you let it."

"You know I wanna disprove this, right?" Laxus grinned. "I ain't gonna help you."

"Well, lets make a deal," Freed smirked. "If you go into your date with an open mind, I'll promise not to put this on YouTube."

Laxus went to ask what, but the lights lowered, and a projection appeared on one of the blank walls. Watching the video, Laxus felt his blood run cold and his body tense, and a glare was soon aimed at Freed for what he'd done. The grin, which could only be described as shit-eating, he got in return only went to further annoy him.

The video was of Laxus' previous date. All the instances of him falling off the course, and into the water, had been put into a montage, with ridiculously obnoxious circus music blaring behind it. Laxus looked like a damn asshole. When the footage slowed down, showing him getting punched in the face by a foam-covered fist, only to lose grip of the handholds and fall face first into a pool of mud, Laxus openly growled.

"Delete this."

"Absolutely not," Freed smirked. "You heard my terms. Give your date a chance and I'll make it disappear. If not, the whole world gets to see you looking like this."

"Yer an asshole, you know that?" Laxus asked, though he couldn't help fighting a grin.

"I do," Freed nodded, and Laxus barked out a laugh. "And your date is ready for you. Have fun."

Laxus waved a hand towards him, walking towards the door and adjusting his jacket as he did so. He supposed he would give this date a chance, just to avoid the humiliation of that stupid video being leaked onto the internet. If it went well, then he'd meet a guy he might be interested in. if it didn't go well, then he could spend the entirety of the next day planning some kind of revenge on Freed for forcing him to endure such a night. That would be fun.

---

The date had been… interesting. Freed was right, the guy had certainly been the closest to someone Laxus would consider getting into a long-term relationship with, and that had somewhat spooked him after the date had ended. He'd been completely certain that he wouldn't meet anyone even close to what he wanted, and hadn't allowed for any deviation from that mindset. Having that belief challenged was worrying.

The guy was smart, silver tongued, and pretty sexy. He wore a suit to perfection, knew all the right things to say, and was flirtatious by nature. Which was all good, and certainly wasn't a turn off, but it wasn't enough for Laxus. He was all too focused on flirting, and didn't show off the other facets of his personality, which Laxus had wanted.

But if he had done that, what then? What if he had a good sense of humour, or was passionate about random things and would happily speak of them for hours? Laxus liked men like that, and his date had been dangerously close to that.

What if he'd gotten Laxus to match with him? What would happen then?

Those thoughts were plaguing his mind as he walked into the preparation room. He hadn't prepared himself for actually meeting someone, certainly not someone he wanted to get serious with. Laxus didn't get serious with guys, he was more of a love them and leave them kind of guy. It was part of the reason he wanted to disprove this place; not everyone was looking to find a guy to settle down with, and Laxus saw himself as one of those people. But the entire selling point of THE S0U1MATE SYSTEM was that it matched people together in relationships that would last.

Who even was he when he was in a relationship? Would he be one of those people who obsessively cleaned their home to impress their partner? Would he have to constantly be thinking about dates and things to do? Would he have to buy the guy flowers? He didn't know how to do that shit. He didn't think he even wanted to do that shit.

"Laxus," Freed asked, cutting through Laxus' growing panic. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, fine," Laxus lied. He didn't say anything else.

Freed didn't push conversation, apparently noticing that Laxus wasn't in the mood for their conversations. Laxus walked to the small sofa that he'd previously ignored, sat down, and listened to the gentle tapping of Freed's fingers against the tablet. He closed his eyes and tried to drown out his thoughts.

He wasn't ready for the date this time, because if they were meant to get better each day, then the guy he'd be matched with next might one day become someone important to him. What if he fucked the date up and the guy didn't wanna match with him? What if the guy was perfect for him and he didn't feel anything? Maybe he'd spent years sleeping around, never being with the same guy for longer than a month, and it'd fucked him up somehow.

"If you'd like to enter the pod," Freed prompted, and Laxus looked up to see the clothing pod lit up.

Doing as he was told, he walked into the pod and waited for his clothes to change. After it happened, he felt that his pants had been replaced by something uncomfortably clingy, and he frowned a little. The frown turned to a grimace when he saw his reflection.

"The fuck?" He demanded.

He was dressed in all green, wearing tights and a slightly sparkling tunic. He looked fucking stupid; even more stupid that he had on the damn Wipeout video. He gaped at his own reflection, not entirely sure what to say. The whiplash from emotional turmoil to embarrassed confusion was overwhelming.

"The fuck!" He repeated.

"You'll apparently be performing as Peter Pan for your next date," Freed informed him, and something close to dread built inside of Laxus' stomach. What the fuck? What the fuck! How the fuck had anyone thought that was something he'd enjoy? Who could think he'd wanna be with someone who wanted him to… to perform on stage while looking like an asshole?

"I fucking am not." He snapped.

"The system states that you'll have a very high matching rate with her," Freed replied, before frowning. Laxus also turned to look at him. "You only wanted to be matched with men, didn't you?"

"That's right," Laxus nodded, voice low. It had set him up with a woman?

Freed looked down at his tablet, face scrunching slightly for a moment as he swiped and tapped at the glass, and Laxus tried not to enjoy the sight. He seemed to understand something, flicked on the screen a few more times, and the pod Laxus had left lit up again. Laxus frowned, looking towards it in confusion before turning his gaze back onto Freed.

"There was a blip in the system. Apparently your date and another man's date were mixed up. If you'd like to step into the pod again it'll give you your actual outfit."

Relief flooded through Laxus. There were certain things that he would have outright refused to do, and making an ass out of himself on a stage, dressed like a glorified pixie was certainly one of them. But the contract he had signed said he was obligated to undergo all simulations if he didn't find a match, as not doing so would harm the reputation of the company unfairly. Would Freed had forced him to do it if he hadn't noticed? Laxus hoped not, but he couldn't be sure.

The new outfit was a lot more simple. It was normal clothing, with a large winter coat and, he realised a moment before he tripped, his shoes had been replaced by ice-skates. He knew how to skate, so it wasn't a problem, and compared to what he'd nearly had to undergo, this was perfect.

"Would I have had to do the fucking performance if you didn't notice it?" He asked.

"I'm sure the system would have picked up the mistake before you went in," Freed dismissed, tapping on the tablet, and lighting the door to the simulation room. "You should go now. Don't want to keep him waiting."

Laxus glanced towards Freed, not commenting on how obvious Freed was being in his dismissal. He walked through the door to see an ice rink empty of everything but one man, who was skating towards him. As Laxus skated towards his date, all he could seem to think of was how much better this was than Peter-Fucking-Pan.

His previous nerves about the date were the last thing on his mind.

---

"So here's the thing," Laxus said as he walked into the prep room. "I think you lied to me yesterday."

"Lied about what?" Freed asked.

"This is supposed to be the most successful, most advanced matchmaking system in the whole world, right? It's unmatched and has years of coding and advancements in technology inside of it, right?" He asked, and Freed nodded. "So it kinda seems a little bit bullshit that it wouldn't understand that a guy who's gay would only wanna go on a date with other guys. Feels like that's one of the basic things it should get right?"

"That would be a fair assumption."

"So, if that's right, then it seems unlikely that it'd just happen to me. Seems even weirder that it'd happen conveniently when there's a guy watching over the sessions to pick up the mistake," Laxus walked towards Freed, maintaining eye contact. "All seems coincidental."

"I suppose it does."

"Yeah, it does," Laxus nodded. "So why don't you admit that you're the reason it happened."

"If you already know, what would me admitting to it do?"

Laxus laughed. He didn't know what he had been expecting when he decided to confront Freed with his realisation, which had happened half way through the date with the guy, but he hadn't thought he'd get an honest admission without a moment's guilt.

He wasn't angry about what Freed had done. If he'd gone on the date wearing the costume then he'd certainly be pissed off, but in reality he'd only worn the stupid clothes for a minute or two, and Freed had quickly replaced them with what he was actually meant to wear. In reality it was just a weird thing that Freed had decided to do for a reason Laxus didn't quite understand.

"You really just wanted me to look like a jackass?"

"No, that was coincidental," Freed admitted. "A happy coincidence, mind you, but not the reason I did it. You clearly had gotten overwhelmed by the possibility that the system might actually work, and you were getting in your own head about it. You needed to be shocked out of your own self-doubts, and it was the easiest way to do it. A simple ice-skating date is hardly a challenge when you've just avoided something ridiculous that you'd never enjoy."

Oh, that was actually kinda nice. Weird, but nice. Not what he expected. It was almost flattering, in a way, that Freed had chosen to help him at all.

Of course he couldn't actually say that. He'd entered the room with a build-up of energy, having expected he would need to force the truth out of him by repeatedly asking him. He had been so certain that it would take their entire time together, and it would end with Freed laughing and Laxus trying to salvage his own pride back. He'd half thought that his costumed self would be edited into the fucking Wipeout video to further add to his embarrassment. A kind, if not slightly odd, action was hardly what he expected.

"So, is it actually automated?" He asked, instead of voicing his thanks because it was the only thing he could think of saying. "Or have you just been saying it is while doing everything yourself."

"No, it's automated, but I can override anything should I want to, which is what I did."

"Show me," Laxus demanded.

Freed nodded, moving slightly so Laxus could stand beside him in front of the tablet. Laxus stood behind him, trying to ignore the fact that this was the closest he'd been to Freed, and he could almost feel the heat radiating off him. It was hardly an appropriate thing to think, particularly when he was going to be on a date with another man damn soon.

He focused on the interface. He saw a quick flash of what his date would be – another meal with a guy – before Freed overrode the system. He pressed a few buttons and ended up controlling the clothing pod. He loaded the program up, and was given a large interface of different outfits, all with pictures to show what they'd look like.

"It's surprisingly user friendly," Freed said, pressing a random outfit and loading it into the system. "Now if you went inside, you'd be wearing that."

"So even I could do it, then?" Laxus asked with a grin, and Freed faltered beside him.

"I suppose."

"What you did for me was pretty nice of ya, but I still ended up like an idiot in a costume because you made me wear it," Laxus mused aloud, and Freed audibly sighed beside him. "So if you think you're getting away without me turning the tables on ya, you're an idiot."

"I probably should have expected that," Freed murmured to himself, and Laxus laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder, and gently guiding him towards the pod. Freed didn't fight him.

"You should have," Laxus agreed, pushing him into the pod before Freed could second guess anything.

He stood at the tablet a moment later, knowing Freed was watching him. He swiped down the hundreds of outfits before inspiration struck him. He pressed the button for the search bar, typed in his idea, looked over the ten or so options before picking the one that looked the most ridiculous. He added it into the system, pressed the apply button, and grinned as the pod flashed with light. A moment later, Freed was revealed, and Laxus burst into laughter.

Freed looked ridiculous. Dressed entirely in an old-fashioned jester's outfit, purple and yellow, with a stupid hat covered in golden bells. He looked at himself in the mirror, crossing his arms unimpressed as Laxus guffawed at him.

"Holy shit," Laxus cackled. "What kinda date would need you to be dressed like that?"

"The system needs to cover all bases," Freed grunted, expression showing annoyance, but Laxus felt like a smile wanted to break through when the bells on his hat jingled. "Can I have my own clothes back, please?"

"We've got a couple minutes before the sim starts, that's enough time to have fun," Laxus grinned, scrolling through the recommended costumes. He found one, applied it to the pod and activated it.

A moment later, Freed was dressed as a circus clown, and Laxus spluttered into laughter all over again.

"Very mature," Freed mumbled sarcastically, though his words were slightly nasally because of the large red nose he wore. "I'm glad you're having fun."

"I am," Laxus grinned, holding back sniggers as he took in Freed for a moment before he began scrolling again.

This was an opportunity that he couldn't waste, and he'd get the man in as many stupid costumes he could before the date began. He quickly settled on a vampire costume that looked equal parts cheap and ridiculous. Once he applied it, he was slightly disappointed to see that Freed managed to pull it off with startlingly good looks. It was twenty-fifty-five, nobody should be able to look good while wearing a cape.

"The fact you're not complaining about this kind of takes the fun out of it," Laxus teased. "You like dressing up or something?"

"Not particularly, but I'd rather you be doing this than stressing about your date," Freed shrugged, seemingly all too comfortable dressed like a vampire. "Night six has the highest success rate. I thought you'd be panicking, this is better."

Laxus paused for a moment, but didn't say anything. He instead found another costume, and grinned when he saw how little it suited Freed. A clean-cut man like Freed didn't make a good caveman.

He fiddled with the tablet for a little while longer, flicking between costumes. Freed managed to make them look better than he had any right to do, but some of them looked ridiculous and Laxus decided to enjoy those as much as he could. A small timer at the bottom of the screen told him the simulation would be ready within the minute, and in a scramble to further annoy Freed, Laxus quickly picked a random outfit from the selection of superhero costumes. He had applied it before the lights to the simulation lit up, and smirked.

The smirk fell when he looked towards Freed. He'd expected it to be a cheap thing covered in cushioned muscles. The reality was… snug. Too snug for Laxus sanity, truly. He'd expected that Freed was hot as well as handsome, but having it clarified wasn't helping things. The guy was muscular, had a tight body, and biceps that strained against the fabric. Laxus pointedly didn't look down. That would be too much.

And he managed to pull off a bright red cape too. How? Capes were stupid. Not hot.

"You've had your fun," Freed said, and Laxus found solace in looking at his face rather than his very, very visible body. "May I have my own clothes back before you start your date?"

"Why?" Laxus asked as he stepped away from the podium. "Can't you do it yourself while I'm in there?"

"No, I can't," Freed muttered, and Laxus grinned.

"That kinda sounds like a you problem," He smirked, and Freed's face darkened for a moment as he stepped out of the pod. His cape billowed behind him and Laxus smirked. He patted the man on the shoulder. "I don't wanna leave my date waiting, after all," Without any reason to, he actually winked at Freed. "Enjoy your walk home, Superman."

As he entered the sim, he was fairly certain those few seconds of seeing Freed blushing unabashedly would be better than any date the system had in store for him.

---

"Is there something wrong with me?"

The high of messing with Freed hadn't lasted throughout the date, and the feelings had been replaced with a maudlin sense of nothingness. That was a feeling Laxus couldn't seem to get rid of throughout the day, and had persisted as he walked into the preparation room for the last time.

On paper, his date was his perfect man. He was intelligent and suave, well lived and happy to talk about his passions. He was hot, had the long hair that Laxus had always favoured on men, and had been pretty good company. He knew the guy was into him, and he felt like he should have reciprocated the attraction. This man should have been ideal for him, and yet Laxus had felt like he was going through the motions. It made him wonder, if that man wasn't right for him, then who the hell would be?

"What makes you say that?" Freed asked, who had been hunched over his table, furiously tapping at it before he'd entered.

"You said most people match with their sixth date. The guy was nice, good looking, we had interests in common," Laxus muttered. "Didn't feel anything for him."

"That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you."

"Maybe," Laxus didn't believe it.

He'd wanted to be the person who ruined THE S0U1MATES SYSTEM'S reputation. He'd wanted to be the person who proved that soulmates were pointless because they didn't exist, and even if they did, a computer program wouldn't be the way to find them. He just hadn't realised that, if he did prove that to be true, it would feel like a punch to the gut.

The system had a complete success rate! Everyone who had ever been involved found love. It was fact. Laxus was apparently going to be the exception to that. He was the first unlovable person to enter the program, and he would be the idiot who couldn't get a boyfriend no matter what.

It was shit. It was just fucking shit.

"Laxus, they're just dates," Freed said softly, placing a hand on Laxus shoulder in a comforting gesture. It felt like fire against him. "We dress them up with fancy technology, and we can explain the science in a way that makes it sound impressive, but a date is just a date. When you get two people together, they can fall in love within a moment, but they could also hate one another. That can happen to anyone, no matter what the statistics say."

"The statistics ain't got it wrong with anyone else."

"And you don't know that they have with you. People wait for the seventh night, and it works out for them," Freed assured him, the hand now gently massaging him. It was electric, and Laxus could almost allow himself to be thrilled by it. "And even if the man isn't the person you end up with, you'll find someone at some point. Don't put this on some kind of pedestal, all you'll be doing is meeting a man for the first time."

"The guy's meant to be my soulmate," Laxus scoffed. "It ain't exactly like meeting for coffee."

"It is what you make it, Laxus," Freed placated him. "Not matching with him isn't a failure of personality. It's just a thing that has happened, and it doesn't shape you."

"I guess," Laxus muttered, not exactly confident in his own words.

"You will find someone Laxus," Freed said firmly. "You're fun, intelligent, confident, good looking. A man is out there, and he will find you. Just give him time."

Freed didn't say anything else, and instead patted Laxus on the shoulder and returned to his tablet to do whatever it was he did. Laxus looked down at the floor, his nerves and self-pity only slightly at bay as he tried to agree with what Freed had said. He had come into the program wanting to prove that it was false, and he should have known this would be the outcome.

Focusing on his own problems, he didn't notice the slight change in posture from Freed. His eyes had widened, and he was tapping somewhat manically at the tablet. His teeth were gritting together and his heart hammering. A moment later, he stood up, and Laxus frowned when he saw how tense he looked.

"Don't overreact to this," Freed demanded, voice too calm. "This is a glitch, nothing else. The system has flaws, this is apparently one of them."

"What?"

He took a moment before speaking again. "Apparently you haven't been matched with someone tonight," Freed spoke quietly, almost under his breath, and Laxus felt as though he had been shot. Freed was quick to speak before Laxus could spiral. "This is the program not being able to work as intended. It is not a reflection of you. Do you understand me?"

"Fucks sake," Laxus growled, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck!"

"It's not you, Laxus," Freed tried to tell him, but Laxus was walking towards the door. He needed to leave, to get out of this damn place as quickly as he could. Why the hell had he gone there? He was an idiot. He shouldn't have gone. "Wait. Laxus, don't leave."

"Why the hell shouldn't I?"

"Because I don't want you to," Freed said quickly. "I don't want you to feel like you're… whatever it is your feeling. Because whatever it is, whatever you're telling yourself, is false."

"How the hell do you know?"

"I've watched every date of yours, Laxus. I know you, and you are a good man, and anyone would be happy to have you," He insisted, stepping towards Laxus, and placing a hand on his forearm. "If I'm honest, I found myself somewhat jealous that those men got to be with you. I'm sure I could find hundreds of men who would feel exactly the same. Truth be told, I had to stop watching you talking with that little blonde ass last night. It's unprofessional, I know, but it must be said. You are a man who, one day, will be adored and you will deserve it."

Laxus scoffed. "Sure."

"You're incredible, Laxus," Freed stepped closer, placing a hand on Laxus' cheek. Laxus blushed at the action despite himself. "And if this program has made you think otherwise, even for a moment, then it is pointless. Do you understand me?"

"You think I'm incredible?" Laxus asked, voice a little raspy as he looked down at Freed.

"I do."

"Then do something about it," Laxus whispered because he needed Freed to do this.

And he did.

Freed leant forward without hesitation, tilting up his head and slowly, cautiously pushed his lips against Laxus'. His hand remained on Laxus' cheek, and slowly he started to move his lips in tandem with Laxus', opening his mouth slightly as he pushed himself up against him. Laxus wrapped an arm around Freed's waist, and felt himself clinging to the man as if he were a lifeline.

The kiss could only last a moment, and when Laxus pulled away and was met with the slightly flushed, kiss swollen expression of Freed in his arms, all of his doubts seemed to flow away. This was more important.

"Damn," He whispered, and Freed breathed out a laugh.

"Yes," He agreed. "Damn."

"Wanted to do that from when I first saw ya," Laxus admitted.

"And I you," Freed confessed, smiling. "I must admit, watching you with those men became somewhat torturous by the end."

"Would've stopped if you told me," Laxus shrugged.

"Then you might not have come back, and I didn't want that any more than I wanted to see you match with someone," Freed chuckled.

They stayed in their embrace for a moment, Laxus gently stroking Freed's lower back with his fingers in a slow and comforting gesture. Freed was still cupping his cheek, and it was a delightful sensation that Laxus didn't want to break. He would have to at some point, and he found himself at a loss of what to do next. For a moment he considered asking Freed to set up some kind of simulation for them both, but he felt he'd had enough of the damn place for now.

"You wanna maybe go somewhere and get something to eat?" He asked, and Freed pulled back slightly with a smile.

"That'd be nice," Freed agreed, though then smirked. "Though are you sure it's not too boring? Wouldn't you rather ice skating? Or maybe a boxing match? Or an obstacle course that you keep failing at?"

"Don't be a dick," Laxus laughed, pulling himself off of Freed. "Or I'll drag you back to the pod and you'll have to go to dinner dressed as batman. Dunno how happy a restaurant is gonna be with the Dark Night's cape falling in the soup."

"I'd rather avoid that. My roommate already thinks me odd after what you did yesterday, I don't need anyone else agreeing with him," Freed laughed, and Laxus grinned at the confession. He wrapped an arm around Freed's waist as they began to leave the room. "Though, if I could get you in the Peter Pan costume again I couldn't complain. Those tights were rather flattering."

"Didn't realise you were lookin'," Laxus smirked.

"I was more subtle than you were, then," Freed grinned, and Laxus laughed.

As they left the room, the simulation unused, neither man noticed the screen of the table lighting up with an updated message.

Laxus Dreyar.

Profile = Matched.

Soulmate Level = 100%

[killian-spey]

Death Would Be Kinder [Prologue]

Next Ch.

[Drusilla/Spike/Calendar!Reader]

Words: 1591

Fic Concept: Jenny Calendar’s sister spends some “quality time” with the Season 2 Vampire Squad.

TW/CW: violence

AN: Idea came from @prose-for-hire ‘s submission to the fic title game. It's a tad different from the original concept, but I just had so much fun with it! (Planned to be somewhere between 5-10 parts.)

It was Buffy’s 17th birthday today, but the mood seemed too heavy in the car for any giggling between the two of you. Truth be told, you both had a lot on your minds; not that you would have actually told her anything about your problems. You were staring out the window, picking absently at some dried paint on your arm; you never were able to master being tidy while you painted. Your older sister, Jenny, was driving the two of you to The Bronze, where the rest of the group was lying in wait to surprise her with a birthday bash. You made eye contact with her when she looked through the rear view at you, and you could tell she was just as worried as you were about recent developments.

Your Uncle had come into town recently and berated the two of you for letting Buffy and Angel get so close. Unfortunately for you and Jenny, if something didn't change quickly, Angel could lose his soul. All the work of your ancestors taken to curse him would be undone, and there would be no way to fix it. It's not that you wanted Angel to be unhappy, but the vengeance curse against Angel was not only important to your people, but possibly the thing that kept him from being a monster. If anything jeopardized that, it would crush Buffy and the gang. You didn't want to let anyone down.

Jenny pulled into the side street -having arrived at The Bronze- and you undid your seat belt. Before you could open your door, Buffy pulled your hand away from the handle.

“This looks funky, stop for a sec.”

You and Jenny both squinted, trying to see what she was even talking about. It took you both a moment, but sure enough there were two vamps clambering around on a truck in the shadows. Jenny tried to talk Buffy out of fighting them, but she left anyway. Something about destiny and all that. You were just impressed she could see that well in the dark.

Watching Buffy fight the vamps left you wincing, pitying the undead for having to go through such a beat down. You hung on the edge of your seat and leaned on the passenger seat in front of you. The two of you left in the vehicle hadn't had a chance to talk in private since Uncle had spilled the beans on the Angel problem.

“What are we going to do about the curse, Jenny?”

She made a face and shook her head, she didn't know what to do either. She knew more about the curse than you did -magic was never your strong suit- and if she didn't know, you both were stuck.

“If only there was a way to separate them.” You were spit-balling.

“Right, and how do you suggest we do that?”

She had a point, Buffy and Angel had been practically attached at the hip recently. You opened your mouth to speak, but paused as Buffy tossed the last vamp through a window into The Bronze. You and Jenny both made reactionary sounds that could only be summed up as “Yikes noises” and scrambled out of the car. Buffy hopped through the broken window and you both inspected the window. Jenny picked up a crate one of the vamps had been carrying and carried it inside.

After some pleasantries and some “Yeah, sorry! Vampires exist” talk with Oz, the group crowded around the mystery box. It was no secret that those vamps were Spike’s men, so whatever it was, it was definitely not good.

Your worry was confirmed when an arm shot out of the box, strangling Buffy before she and Angel managed to rip it away from her throat. According to Angel, it was the arm of The Judge. That meant Spike was building a one-man-apocalypse like some kind of demonic Lego figurine.

You glanced at Jenny, trying to communicate your plan silently as you addressed the group. “Someone has to take this thing as far away from here as possible- separate it from the other pieces.”

Jenny was quick, immediately understanding your idea.

“Angel, it has to be you. You're the only one who can protect this thing.”

It took a little convincing, but a plan was soon agreed on. You and Jenny shared a “Thank God” glance, secretly pleased that Angel and Buffy would be separated, at least temporarily. You could rest easy in the fact that Angelus wouldn't be loosed on the world in a freak accident of soul-losing proportions.

Or so you thought...

A couple hours later, you were back in the library doing research. Angel and Buffy had lost the box, and had everyone regroup to study up on The Judge.

To be entirely honest, you were doodling in your notes. Every text on The Judge said exactly the same thing, sometimes even verbatim. The Judge cannot be killed by any weapon forged by Man. It was exhausting!

Luckily for you, Buffy decided to break up the research with some good old fashioned recon, and Jenny suggested you go with them. Buffy was about to protest, but you cut her off.

“With the exception of you supernatural folks, I do have the best track record of holding my own. No offense, guys,” Xander seemed less than pleased with your not-so-subtle brag, but you continued anyway. “And, I’d be able to map parts of the facility super quick and easy. We’ll need that info if we plan on making a move.”

Reluctantly, Buffy and Angel agreed to take you with them and you snatched your notepad and pencil from the table, glad to be free from the texts and tomes… Even if it meant putting you in direct danger. You briefly wondered if maybe you shouldn't see a therapist about that someday, but shrugged it off as the three of you left the building.

---

Upon reaching the factory, the three of you climbed the fire escape and ducked into a broken, old window over a set of rafters. You had already begun sketching the layout of the rooms as you took in the sights below. It looked like some kind of party, to be plain. Vamps were crawling all throughout the place, a crystal bowl of what looked like punch rested on a table covered with cups in the middle of the warehouse space, and tall lattice-backed chairs were loosely strewn around a banquet table. You and Buffy creeper ahead on the grate walkway above it all. Your eyes were locked on the party, but you could assume Angel was following behind; he was too quiet for you to hear.

Your eyes fell on Spike, he was in a wheelchair. He seemed to be enjoying himself despite his weakened state, talking to someone just out of your line of sight. Not a second later, you saw Drusilla dancing her way across the floor, swaying to her own beat and sweeping the red chiffon ribbons of her dress through the air. Buffy gasped softly, but you didn't see whatever she'd seen.

“That's him. The Judge,” Angel whispered from behind you both and pointed.

You saw him, just as he craned his ugly blue head up to spot the three of you gawking. Fuck.

You spun to face the window, finding two vamps in the way of your escape. Buffy and Angel had flanked you from both sides, but fighting this many vamps was completely futile. Before long, the three of you were dragged in front of Spike, Drusilla and The Judge. Spike rolled his chair forward to get a better look at Buffy.

“Well, Well- look what we have here! Crashers.”

“I'm sure our Invitations just got lost in the mail,”

You almost rolled your eyes at Buffy’s one-liner. How she managed wise-cracks at a time like this was beyond you. Ignoring the monologues, your eyes darted around in search for an escape method. Nothing came to mind, but when you turned back into the conversation, Drusilla’s eyes had locked with yours.

She was ever so slightly swaying to music you couldn't hear and your eyes followed her intently. She raised two fingers, pointed at each of your eyes and gestured to her own. She beckoned you. She was enchanting. Beautiful. She was- she broke contact as Buffy suddenly made a move and you took a second to follow suit, twisting out of a vamp’s hold and knocking him -and accidentally yourself- off balance. You were suddenly unsure of your footing, almost groggy as you fought.

Angel pulled a chain, crashing a pile of video monitors you hadn't noticed down from their perch onto The Judge. The three of you scattered. You ducked behind some crates and heard Drusilla call for the lackeys to chase. You spotted Angel and Buffy slipping into a sewer drain and psyched yourself up to book it twenty feet to get there to join them. You took one last look behind the crates -Drusilla locked eyes with you- and you booked it, not entertaining her gaze this time.

As you dropped down the sewer drain, you caught a glimpse of her, just staring at you. You scanned both directions of the sewer system, but found no trace of Buffy or Angel. In a split second you picked a direction and ran. You didn't stop running. Not for breath, not to look behind you, and certainly not to entertain the nagging memory of Drusilla’s eyes, staring into your soul as they'd done just minutes ago.

Read Next Ch.

[medeafive]

Blood and Stone - 20

Masterpost

"I don't like this," Bruce mutters. "Your blood pressure dropped again. Blood sugar probably as well."

Natasha groans, mouth full. "Come on! I'm eating all the goddamn time!"

"Looks like that's not enough," Bruce replies, unwrapping the thing from her arm. "I'll give you the blood transfusion and… more vampire blood again, I guess. God, I wish Bobbi were here already."

"Is it so bad?" Natasha asks.

Bruce gets the clipboard. "We tracked your calorie intake and if you're at more than double the normal, without burning any because you're just lying around, and you're still low on nutrients… that's very bad."

"Speaking of," Natasha remarks. "I really need to pee."

"Only now?" Bruce frowns. "When was the last time- oh, forget it."

Natasha snorts. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Could you unplug me for a second or do I have to drag that around the whole fucking time?"

"Oh, definitely not," Bruce returns. "The former. Do you know how many bacteria that could introduce-"

Natasha groans.

  "Just let Bobbi take care of it," Pepper encourages. "She'll be here soon and then it'll all be fine."

"Last time you gave her vampire blood, her heart stopped," Clint remarks sourly.

"She was doing way worse last time, though," Sam points out quietly, not looking her way. "Before."

"I don't want it to get back to that," Bruce mutters, sinking the needle into her arm. "So I'd rather do it now."

"Oxygen is fine?" Fury asks.

"You know what, I didn't even worry about that," Bruce says. "Should be fine. Or do you feel like you're not getting enough air?"

Natasha shakes her head. "Feels okay. The air quality in here is not the best, though, is it?"

Tony snorts. "Yeah, this room was never meant for this many people."

"You mean, because you all stand around all the time?" Natasha remarks.

"You really appreciate us, don't you," Clint returns.

"No, of course I do," she replies. "Just, you know, it's not really helping…?"

The door upstairs slams shut. Pepper jumps up. "Oh, that must be Bobbi. I'll go get her."

Sharon giggles, slipping off a table. "Wait for me! I really wanna meet her."

"Wow, Clint," Tony remarks. "You look thrilled."

"Fuck off," Clint counters. "Guess I should just go. Not like I'm needed here anyway."

Bruce breathes out deeply. "Oh, man, finally. Uh, Nat, if she says I fucked up, I'm sorry."

"Aw, come on, you definitely didn't fuck up," Natasha replies. "I'm totally alright. You did everything you could."

"So, the vampire blood," Tony remarks curiously. "How's that feel? Your arm? Burn or anything?"

Natasha raises her left arm, studying it. "Not really. It feels a little… empty? It's not spectacular, really."

"That's disappointing," Tony decides. "I was hoping for more insight into life and death and the great beyond. But then again, this guy doesn't know shit either."

She's not sure James listens to any of them, he certainly doesn't react. Clint, despite his announcement, still hasn't moved an inch. She shakes her head. "Yeah, sorry. I got nothing."

"Eh, it's fine," Tony replies. "Do y'all ever wonder what women talk about all the time? Cause I do."

Sam snorts. "All the time, yeah? The two minutes since Bobbi arrived, after they haven't seen each other in two years?"

"Sharon doesn't even know her," Tony points out. "And still they flock together instantly. There's something there and I don't understand it."

"Something being the refreshing absence of any kind of machismo?" Natasha suggests.

Tony snorts. "Come on, you don't get it either. You're not in that circle, you're not - you're not that kind of woman."

Somehow, that really stings. "What kind?"

Tony rolls his eyes. "Come on, you know what I mean. The woman kind. The womanly kind of woman."

She's about ready to throw something at him when the door opens and Pepper and Sharon come back, with them a tall blonde woman Natasha's never seen before. Sam gets up, grinning, and hugs her. Clint clears his throat, looking down.

"Ah, long time no see," Bobbi sighs. "You look good."

"You too," Sam replies. "Is it possible you've grown even taller?"

Bobbi snorts, letting go and slapping his shoulder. "Shut up. Hey Fury. Tones, how ya doin'?"

"Excellent," Tony replies. "Nobody listens to me, but other than that, excellent."

"So nothing new there," Bobbi remarks. "Hi Clint. Sorry I didn't call."

"That's alright," Clint replies, though he doesn't look alright with it. "How's Italy?"

"Well, the weather is great," Bobbi points out. "You know, it's got flair, hunting vampires through Florence."

"Oh, we're not talking about that sort of thing anymore," Tony remarks. "Since, ya know, we got a guest."

Bobbi's eyes flit over to where James is standing, practically immobile. "Oh yeah. Fury said."

"Uh, I put all the information together here," Bruce remarks, holding up a thick folder. "I hope that's all."

Bobbi rushes over to hug him. "Oh, hey Brucey! Sorry, didn't mean to leave you out."

Bruce blushes, tentatively hugging her back. "Uh, no problem. It's fine. Hey."

Bobbi snorts, pulling back. "Oh man, you haven't changed at all. Okay, now I got everybody, right? Just making sure."

"Unless you wanna hug the vampire," Tony suggests. "Not sure I'd recommend. Haven't tried, either."

James bares his fangs before catching himself. Bobbi stares at him, eyes narrowing, like a cat about to pounce. "Yeah, so, I'm Natasha," she interjects. "Which you probably already know. And… uh, that is James. Doesn't bite."

Tony snorts. "You know what, that was one of your better jokes."

"Yeah, okay, let's get to it," Bobbi replies, dragging a chair next to Natasha's bed and opening the folder. "Well, let's see… Y'all should probably get out."

"What are you going to do?" James asks quietly.

"I'm going to discuss that with her," Bobbi replies evenly, though the tension in her shoulders betrays her. "No offense."

"And you're a doctor?" James questions.

"Gynecologist," Bobbi explains impatiently. "Formerly. Don't worry about it."

James evidently worries very much about it. "Just want to get it right. You're a hunter as well? And you were here before Natalia?"

"Until about two years ago," Bobbi confirms. "Yeah."

"And you were with Barton before he was with Natalia?" James questions.

"Before he was what ?!" Bobbi interrupts.

"Oh, I thought you… knew," James remarks uselessly. Natasha groans.

"I fucking knew it," Tony jumps in. "So you were just lying the whole time-"

"It was one motherfucking time!" Clint defends. "One! Do we really have to-"

"Wow," Bobbi remarks, rubbing her eyes. "That's really fucking low, Clint."

"You were gone," Clint spits out. "I don't owe you-"

"Why does the vampire know all the interesting stuff?" Tony asks.

"Wait, you two had a- a thing?" Pepper pulls a face. "Urgh."

"Come on," Natasha tries. "It's really not a big deal."

"That was almost two years ago-" Clint adds.

"Oh, so right after I'm gone, you screw the-" Bobbi hisses. "Come on! Is she even 21 yet?!"

"24," Natasha remarks sourly.

"Oh yeah?" Clint asks sourly. "So what have you been up to, since-"

"Come on," Pepper interjects. "It's not about her! I just find that really- oh, come on."

"I hope you're not talking about screwing colleagues," Tony remarks. "Cause I got news on that, cupcake."

"That's very different," Pepper rejects. "Just the- Bobbi was here for years, you were together for years, and then you turn around and this girl you barely know- Urgh."

"Okay, you know what, let's postpone that," Bobbi interrupts. "Work to do. Everyone except Natasha out. And don't you think you're in the clear, you're absolutely not."

"You're not my fucking boss," Clint remarks coldly before striding out, slamming the door.

"Well, Natasha," Tony comments. "Looks like we learn something new about you every day."

"Leave her the fuck alone," James hisses.

"Okay, okay, we really should get out," Sam puts in. "Let Bobbi do her job."

"Yes please," Bobbi mutters, thumbing through the folder.

They slowly stream out, one by one, even James. Bobbi keeps going through the folder. Natasha doesn't really dare make a sound. "Bobbi?"

"Hm?"

"Are you mad?"

Bobbi smiles without looking up. "At you? No. I mean, you never even met me. From Clint's part, though, that's very midlife crisis."

Natasha sighs. "Really wasn't a big thing. Just tried it out, you know, and agreed it wasn't right for us."

"I don't want him back," Bobbi states. "I'm not jealous. It's just… disrespectful of what we had, I guess."

"So is it true?" Natasha asks. "You got a new guy?"

Bobbi snorts. "Oh yeah. Not sure about it, though. He's… pretty much like Clint, except he doesn't expect us to have a family. So that's an advantage. Wait, Bruce did an endovaginal scan on you?"

Natasha closes her eyes. "Yeah. Though Sam did the… you know, the fingers up my vagina part."

"Not sure that couldn't have waited a couple of days, but okay," Bobbi remarks. "Good to have it. So, Fury said you want to keep the baby."

Natasha hesitates. "I'm… not so sure about that anymore."

"Well, I'll take a look myself then," Bobbi suggests. "If you even can have it."

  Bobbi does every check imaginable, or so it seems, and somehow none of it is a big deal. Just routine. Couple of moments and then it's done. "So, you really like the vampire, huh?" she asks absentmindedly.

Natasha sighs. "I don't know. It was never meant to be… this serious, you know."

"Does he want you to have it?" Bobbi adds.

"Absolutely not," Natasha replies. "To the effect that he can't be a good father. I don't think it… means anything to him, other than a danger to my life."

"I mean, you don't need him," Bobbi remarks, taking notes. "He's out now. The rest is between you and God. If you're into that."

Natasha snorts. "Right. That."

Bobbi drops the pen, looking up. "Seriously, did he ever try to kill you? Suck your blood?"

"No," Natasha replies quickly. "No. Never. Not even in the very beginning, really."

Bobbi frowns. "And the... bite wound on your shoulder… is…?"

Fuck, she totally forgot about that. "That's… not that. Very recent."

"Sexual," Bobbi states.

"Sort of," Natasha allows. "I don't know, it just… it wasn't a thing, it just… sorta happened. Kinda weird."

"That's probably worse," Bobbi remarks.

"I trust him," Natasha defends. "It wasn't… I don't want to go into it but… it wasn't that. He wasn't trying to turn me, or drink me. Just- dominance. Sexual. Just don't read into it."

Bobbi raises an eyebrow and goes back to her notes. "Okay. Your call. Just, you can tell me. I'm not here to judge."

"No, I can tell you are," Natasha replies. "Even if you try. I'm good, really. That's not the issue. The issue is, well, this."

Bobbi snorts softly. "I'll tell you in a second. Really, though… how did this happen? Not the magic regrowing of your uterus, that's a different can of worms, just… this."

"I don't know," Natasha repeats. "I wasn't looking for this. Just… I never even realized how awkward I felt around everyone else, like I… Over the years as a hunter, I developed this really dark side and… he just understood that and I could just tell him about- stuff I did, that I didn't really like what I was turning into without having to hide- and I understood that he's also trying, that he's captive, that we're quite alike in- I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

"So you like him as a person," Bobbi remarks.

"Yeah," Natasha agrees. "What else?"

"Vampires were always a sexual fantasy," Bobbi replies. "And there's still plenty of would-be monster fuckers out there, believe it or not."

Natasha snorts. "Look, the vampire thing is- a little disgusting, sometimes, frankly, mostly very useful in a fight and… I like him despite it, I guess."

"Okay, I have a last question that I don't usually ask." Bobbi closes the folder, crossing her arms over it. "You need to pinpoint exactly when you conceived, or when you could have conceived. I need to know how long it took to get this big."

"I don't know," Natasha replies. "You got the end of my last period, in there, and-"

"26 days ago," Bobbi replies. "Yes. Every single time you had unprotected sex with him after that."

So all the times. "Look, none of this should have ever been possible-"

"I know," Bobbi interrupts. "It's not about judgement. The thing is, you have a foetus of over 20 weeks in your belly and it matters a great deal whether it grew into that over 25 days or 15 days."

20 weeks. It's a lot scarier when Bobbi says it, rather than Bruce. "I guess… right after. 25 days or so. Then two days after that and… when I killed the black cloak, I guess, though I'm not sure that- wait, I remember the black cloak said I smelled weird. James too. Is it possible they could smell that I was pregnant?"

"Hormonal change, definitely," Bobbi replies. "Ask him sometime whether pregnant women smell special to him. So, to sum up, right after your period, not very likely, you wouldn't be very fertile. Two days after that, still early but possible, especially if your hormones were off. Now, before you killed the black cloak, you injected a lot of vampire blood, right?"

"Right."

"Which is what you take now to keep up with the massive growth of the baby," Bobbi remarks. "Sorry, foetus. So you wouldn't have noticed adverse pregnancy effects until after, which is exactly what happened. That plus the smell. If you conceived about 23 days ago, a week's worth of normal foetus growth would happen in about a day for you."

"And that would mean…"

"That would mean you'd give birth in about two weeks," Bobbi concludes. "I mean, if you decide to. That's up to you."

"But I could?"

"It looks remarkably good, all things considered," Bobbi states. "Your body adjusted well to the current size of the foetus. I can't see anything that would prevent you from having a regular pregnancy, at least right now. Now, there are some caveats."

"I'm listening." Natasha sits up slightly.

"First thing, I cannot make any guarantees for the next two weeks," Bobbi starts. "It looks normal right now but that could change any day. So really can't promise you'll get to carry this to term, or what comes out then. Second thing, I'm absolutely morally okay with aborting up to the day of birth in this case. It's gonna be messy, given the size and possible complications, but if it's necessary, I'll absolutely do it. And I want you to consent to that right now, in case the complications are so severe you wouldn't be conscious. Is that okay with you?"

"You mean, if it's literally killing me?" Natasha asks.

"That," Bobbi confirms. "Or posing a severe risk to your health. This is already pretty risky, of course, but you get the idea."

"Okay," Natasha remarks. "If you're not opposed in principle to me having it… I trust you."

"Thank you." Bobbi opens the folder again. "Now, third thing… you injected a lot of vampire blood already and you're probably going to need more over the next two weeks. I'm really not an expert on that, better ask Bruce, but… it's gonna have long-term consequences. I have no idea which but this will affect your body somehow. Maybe it will weaken your bones, lead to organ failure, increased risk of stroke, cancer, impact your auto-immune system, who knows, really, but something's going to happen. Now, Fury said the Red Skull is hunting you, so your life expectancy is not that high anyway, but if you live for a few more years or decades, there'll be consequences. Do you understand that?"

"I'm already in for that, right?" Natasha shakes her head. "I stopped thinking about the long term long ago."

"Haven't we all," Bobbi mutters. "Okay, one more thing… maybe Bruce already told you."

"What?"

"Your ovaries look really bad," Bobbi states. "You already had damage to them, according to Bruce's notes, but they've shrunk even more. I can't predict it with certainty but it is very likely you will go into menopause right after this, never have your period again, never have another child. I'd assume that factors into your decision."

Natasha swallows. "So this… window I never thought would open just opened, and if I don't jump through right now, it's gone again. This is the only shot."

"The only shot for biologically having your own child," Bobbi specifies. "There's always the possibility for adoption, so you shouldn't feel too pressured by that. Just laying it all out."

Natasha snorts, letting her head drop back, eyes towards the concrete ceiling. "I feel pretty pressured, though."

"Sorry, but in the end, it's your choice," Bobbi replies. "I won't object from a medical standpoint if you decide to continue, at least right now. It may be dumb but this desire to procreate, to have your own child is deeply ingrained. I'd understand if you want to continue, and I'd understand if you don't."

"Let's assume I change my mind in a few days," Natasha suggests. "Would you… even if there's no medical emergency, would you still… do the abortion?"

"Absolutely," Bobbi replies without hesitation. "Told you. This is a vampire baby, so all rules and procedures are off. Also, you've known you're pregnant for a couple of days now, that would be ridiculous."

"If I decide to continue, I can change my mind later," Natasha sums up. "And if I decide not to, I can't."

"Really can't put it back in, no," Bobbi confirms with a grin. "So yeah. If you've got a real interest in having this child and you're willing to take the risk, it makes most sense to wait and see how it goes. Then you can also talk it over with, you know, whoever you want to talk it over with."

"I think… talking to you…" Natasha shakes her head. "I think that already helped me a lot."

"That's part of my job," Bobbi replies, pushing her chair back. "Or it used to be, before. Okay, then I'll go and tell the others you're keeping it for now, and then I'll probably go to sleep. Had a long drive. But I'll be back tomorrow, don't worry."

"Yeah, okay." Natasha closes her eyes. "Thanks, really. I know that's a lot to ask from you as well."

[akashasananda]

How to Incorporate Mindfulness Into Your Daily Spiritual Routine by TwinRay

Mindfulness involves paying close attention to the present moment through regular meditation practice or everyday tasks like washing dishes, eating, and walking.

Thoughts and emotions will occasionally surface, and allowing them to do their thing without judgment is important. You might discover these moments provide valuable opportunities for self-exploration.   

1. Breathe

Mindfulness exercises come in all forms, but one of the easiest is simply focusing on breathing. Sit comfortably and focus on how the air passes in and out through your nostrils, inhaling and exhaling. If thoughts come into your head, note them before returning your attention to breathing.

One effective technique is practicing body scan meditation. Lie or sit comfortably and focus on each part of your body, taking note of sensations, emotions, or thoughts that arise - this could help relieve stress and muscle tension!

Shekinah Ma and Sanandaji  (TwinRay) highlight that mindfulness can also be practiced by paying attention to what's happening around you, like noting the feeling of your hand against the car seat or noticing the scent of freshly washed clothes. Even during meals, practice mindfulness by paying close attention to taste and texture and slowing down to enjoy each bite.

An effective way of doing this is through apps like Calm, which offers guided meditations and relaxing music to help keep you focused. Or try setting aside five minutes daily to meditate and breathe, gradually increasing to 10 or more minutes as needed.

There are many opportunities throughout your day to become more mindful, from riding in a car or listening to music to walking and cleaning the house and the office. Try creating "if this, then that" reminders such as: 'If I'm in my office, take a deep breath." Or use progressive muscle relaxation by tensing and relaxing each body muscle group individually.

2. Listen

Mindfulness should not only be practiced on its own time. Instead, mindfulness can also be practiced throughout everyday activities - whether showering, writing in your journal, or brushing your teeth before bed - take a few extra seconds each time to be fully present and engage with each task you undertake - notice how water feels on your skin, smell of shampoo/toothpaste as you apply it, hear breathing sounds as your work, etc. If your thoughts begin wandering away from the present moment reality, gently bring it back.

Mindful eating can help keep your body balanced by knowing its nutrition needs. Furthermore, mindful eating may prevent overeating and overindulgence.

If you want to expand your mindfulness practice beyond sitting still on a meditation cushion, TwinRay suggest that you go on a mindful walk. Select an isolated area and go solo; pay attention and express gratitude for the air you breathe, trees surrounding you, legs beneath you, and freedom!

Mindfulness practice includes tuning into and acknowledging our thoughts and emotions. While it can be easy to become caught up in negative or self-critical thought patterns, mindfulness teaches you to observe these thoughts without judgment and, thus, respond more equanimously when confronted by challenging situations.   TwinRay

Mindfulness has become a widely discussed wellness trend due to its wide array of benefits, which range from stress reduction, better sleep quality, and enhanced focus to pain and anxiety relief and overall mental wellbeing. If you're new to practicing mindfulness or looking to incorporate it into your spiritual practice, take small steps by setting aside five minutes daily just for sitting quietly in silence. Akasha Sananda

3. Move

Beginners to mindfulness may find the concept daunting at first. Although mindfulness seems like something only experts should practice, anyone can adopt its principles into everyday life - without necessarily needing long meditation sessions! You can even incorporate mindful practices while brushing your teeth or folding laundry.

According to TwinRay, mindfulness in your spiritual routine can help you feel more grounded and connected. Once you know your desired benefits from practicing mindfulness, make a list of simple activities you can do on an ongoing basis to incorporate it into your day-to-day experience; you'll be amazed how much just a bit of mindfulness can improve it!

Start slowly by dedicating just a few minutes daily, gradually building it up as your comfort with mindfulness grows. Try listening to mindfulness podcasts or audiobooks on the commute to help reset your mindful state. Partnering with an accountability partner or finding a group of supportive friends who will check in regularly is also useful for keeping mindfulness goals on track.  Shekinha Ma

Movement can also help bring mindfulness into daily life, with yoga or walking meditation among popular forms. One popular move known as the "body scan" serves as an in-motion mindfulness meditation: when walking, slowly focus on each foot as it strikes the ground before shifting focus onto ankles, calves, hips, arms, shoulders, and then belly and feet again.

4. Breathe

Mindfulness practice can help you relax and be more present. Although there are various techniques for practicing mindfulness - from meditation to body scanning - finding something that works for you consistently and committing to it consistently is key. Calm provides many resources and tools that make integrating mindfulness into daily routine easier.

One of the easiest mindfulness exercises is focusing on your breath. You can do this while sitting in a chair, on the floor, or cross-legged and concentrate on feeling your breath pass through your body. Try counting inhale and exhale cycles to slow your breathing down or observe without judgment as thoughts come and go - what matters is being aware when your attention wanders and quickly returning it to present moment awareness when necessary.

Finding opportunities throughout your day to practice mindfulness can also be very helpful. Activities like riding on public transport or eating can become opportunities to focus fully on each moment; when your thoughts wander from what's at hand, congratulate yourself for noticing it and bring back focus onto whatever activity is at hand.

TwinRay teaches that mindfulness may initially seem difficult, but over time and with consistent practice, it will become part of your everyday routine. Start small and build it into your daily life. Starting small, with Calm or simply taking deep breaths when feeling anxious, can help get started with mindfulness practice.

5. Relax

Establishing mindfulness practices requires commitment, but the rewards can be immense. Being attentive and present can improve communication, reduce stress, strengthen relationships, and foster well-being.

Mindfulness practice doesn't have to be done solo; many practitioners find it helpful to find community through group meditation sessions or one-on-one coaching. Community practice can help keep you accountable, especially when consistency can be hard; you also learn from others and share experiences.

As part of your mindfulness practices, it's essential to establish a regular schedule. Set aside time each day for yourself and create calendar reminders so you don't forget your session! Doing this will keep your practice at the forefront of your mind, even during hectic days!

Once your schedule is in place, find mindfulness exercises that resonate with you, including sitting meditation, body scanning, or journaling. TwinRay advocates you try to implement them throughout the day at the same time so they become automatic and natural over time.

Prevent carried-over frustration or emotion from manifesting elsewhere by pausing and centering yourself before starting anything new, for example, taking five deep breaths before getting out of bed or pausing and centering before beginning something new. Practicing mindful transitions, such as pausing before starting a task, may also help.