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squid-ice · 9 months

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akarsha doodles so i can get my hands to work again

#i love hair down akarsha #butterfly soup #akarsha #i know i've been dead on this blog but butterfly soup haunts me every day #i've absorbed it as a part of me #my art #bfs fanart

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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months

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I got these shoes from someone recently but thought they were way too plain looking, so I set out on a quest to customize them with some sharpies and charms and miscellaneous ribbon I had in my craft drawers. Mostly sky themed (clouds, rainbows, rain, stars, etc.) because that's my favorite aesthetic, but I had to include some cat imagery as well, of course lol.

#also honestly had NO IDEA that real converse have that star logo on the INSIDE not the outer part??? why the hell would you want it on the #inner portion where nobody can see it?? my entire life I always would have sworn it was on the outer facing portion..#I think these would be perfect IF they were just slightly taller (top part higher above ankles instead of just weird hard material digging #right into your ankle whenever you walk) and if they were actual good platforms. they're so short. It's good that 'chunky' shoes are gettin #more popular as they've always been my favorite Look ever since I had these shoes with roller skates that pop out of thebottom (not heelys.#but like. before those. it was two whole entire roller skate wheels like a normal pair of roller skates) and the bottoms were so tall and #clunky and it made my feet look giant (because it had.. entire wheels in the bottom pockets lol). so #I've alwatys been into the aesthetic but . still I find a lot of the 'brands jumping on trend' are too short of platforms #OR they're plafrorms with a raised back/heel/wedge which to me is not aesthetically good and also makes them exceptionally uncomfortable to #wear compared to just plain completely flat chunky platform bottoms. ANYWAY.. if these shoes had a 3 or 4 inch platform I think they'd be #cooler. however for what they are it's still fine! and I like them more now that they actually have some sort of anything to them and #aren't just plain white. The weird thing is that the material it's made out of (maybe some sort of leather or something) absorbs sharpie?#the color changes over time. You draw a mark and then leave it for a few days and it either fades into being barely there or has changed #colors. so I had to go back in and redo parts. ALSO the shoe chains are so funny because I did NOT have the right tools for them #I don't have the stuff to make bracelets or open and close the little rings. they're held onto the shoe with just safety pins and the actua #little rung things that hold the charms on half of them are like broken or the metal is just jam smushed together bent and warped hhbjhjhb #I actually like the back a lot where there's the irridecent star thing hot glued on there. it's cool and shiny. and the clouds #are sparkly on the main parts of the shoe though I'm not sure how well it shows up in pictures #ANYWAY... shoegs..... If I were rich this is one of the things I would definitely custom order from craftsman #why would I spend like thousands of dollars on plain ass shoes that are just expensive because they're a Luxury Brand when I could literall #like pay people to create me custom shoes to my exact specifications?? I could have like 5 inch flat platform boots with fur andclouds #and cat shaped holes in the bottom with LEDs in them with pom pom and charms and etc. etc. etc. Like as gaudy and excessively over #decorated as I want lol.. AND they could have skates in the bottom somehow!! ghjgbhjb #this on top of all the custom wizard costumes and period clothing I would order.. Like i LOVE customizing things. I love everything in my l #life being as particualr as possible and cultivating every experience I have to meticulously meet my own specific criteria as much #as is possible. If I had the money to I would never buy something from a store again. EVERYTHING I owned from furniture to clothing #would be either made by me - or mostly - comissioned from craftsmen. custom tiles for my floors. custom bed. custom table.#even like. custom toilet. custom sinks. etc. etc. ouGGH... but yeah.. anyway... shoes..

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touchlikethesun · 7 months

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i think it's worth interrogating why, for some, "thinness" is associated with gender affirmation and niceness. i think it's worth interrogating why, for some, being bigger is associated with agression and ugliness. i think, if your first impulse to someone suggesting a character be depicted in a larger body is, "fuck you ewww how dare you," that maybe just maybe, you might have a few biases that you need to unpack. this is not saying that artists can't draw what they like, this isn't saying people can't headcanon what they like, but i wish people would think a bit deeper about why they view thinness as so desirable, and fatness as such an affront.

#i tried to be calm in the post but imma be a bitch in the tags #your skinny femme sirius is not fucking oppressed #and the way people in this fandom talk about thinness is genuinely triggering for me and for a lot of people #one thinness is not associated with a fucking gender #people of all sizes exist across the gender spectrum #what message do you thinks it sends if being skinny is integral to your conception of gender??? genuinely what do you think?#what message do you thinks it sends when fat characters are demonised ridiculed or flat out ignored???#clearly you guys read harry potter growing up because you talk just like JKR #now i'm a bit older and i've done so much fucking work on my body image on making peace with myself on breaking out of ED and diet culture #but if i was 16 and still deep in my ED i would absorb this message like a fucking sponge #and i would probably be right there with you being revolted by fatness #don't take this as an attack take it as a chance to reflect on why you think the things you do and on the effects your words have on others #for me personally i really find super skinny super femme sirius triggering because of my history with EDs and my own gender issues #but for the most part i've made my peace with the fact that this is MY issue and so i try not to comment on it #everyone has their own experiences and i think it's good to be mindful of that #and learn when the best policy is to just disengage #i didn't comment on the post that sparked this initially because that's what i was trying to do #but i kept seeing it and i kept seeing some really awful things being said about fatness and masculinity and i just don't think that's righ #marauders #sirius black #ed mention #fatphobia #fandom culture

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itsanit · 2 years

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I can feel myself becoming a worse person everytime an x reader fic doesn't specify that the reader is female

#Happy pride everyone I'm getting misgendered by fictional characters bc some fanfic authors are lazy self-absorbed assholes #If you don't specify gender in your fics I literally hate you #Also like it makes me dislike the characters too #like wow I didn't know link of legend of zelda fame was transphobic #Is it sad that I'm genuinely angry about this? Yeah #But I've been dealing with this shit for 2 years now and I'm tired of it #Like am I just not allowed in the x reader part of fandom now that I'm a boy?? Is that how this works?#Also thank you to everyone who tags their works as fem reader or has a read more section after they specify reader is female #You've saved me from a downward spiral into depression many times #You and the authors who write gn or male readers are heroes #I guess I'll tag this fir the fandoms who need to hear this #twisted wonderland #legend of zelda #resident evil #If for some reason you reblog this you can tag the fandoms you want to see this too ig #Sorry I'm emotional about this and it's worded bad it's late and I have not been sleeping well #x reader

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churchydragon · 7 months

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I spoke to a nice Mindflayer once in Baldur's Gate 3 and it changed me forever

#churchy talks #tbh I think part of the reason I've become so fond of Mindflayers is because I ADORE octopi and squid #but Omeluum def played a hand in it #I want to play my idea for Mindflayer bard in actual DnD so BADLY (her name is Phi)#I also got an idea for a Kobold paladin and a Goblin rogue #and Lorn who is my Dragonborn ranger in BG3 (I need to get back to them)#there's also Acidblood who if I knew how to mod would be a xenomorph and she's also a rogue #my main playing file in BG3 is Walks-Through-Fire and she's actually my Argonian Dragonborn in Skyrim #she fell into a portal and ended up in the DnD world at the worst time possible #SPEAKING OF THOUGH #I was talking to some friends while showing them the game and spoke about my Dovahkiin headcanons #and how when they die they become actual dragons (not always tho) in said headcannons #and I was thinking how much of a clusterfuck it would be if Fire went through ceremorphosis #but she's so fucking stubborn she technically lives twice #so her soul leaves cuz there's nothing to absorb it and eventually forms a new body (maybe it looks like a mix of DnD dragons and the Dovah #while her old body becomes a Mindflayer but keeps her personality #and now there's just two of her #and they both have to deal with it #which made me want to design a Illithid version of her

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wolfoftonight · 8 months

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I am enjoying making this style of photograph way too much

#skeleton!axo #turtle!awz #moth?#me?#digital art #fake photograph #look look at the details on the papers~#the ones near Axo are pure writing because they're a writer #and the ones near Moth? are notes and diagrams #because I am insane and keep going on hour long tangents about how parts fit together #and Awz has comics and drawings #heeheeheeeeeee #ignore the fact that Awz is the only person who got shaded #I don't think I've ever shaded Moth? tbh #the fur just absorbs light and equalizes it #don't worry about it

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ratgirlcopia · 2 months

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sometimes the greatest blow to the ego is recognizing that my ideal 100k canon compliant copia fic would be boring as all hell.

#copiaposting #real ones may remember the thing i started in. man i dunno. august? earlier? that has since been deleted from my ao3.#because i decided i disliked literally every part of it that related to the ministry having ANY sort of lore.#the ideal version of that really would have just been copia learning how to live alone and go grocery shopping.#and have a thing with that bear i made up.#but because the entire “why is this even happening” justification i came up with for it started to annoy me SO BAD i just had to scrap it.#the plan was to revisit it with a justification i liked better that had zero reliance on fanon nonsense i absorbed via osmosis.#but then i wrote conundrum (favorite fic i've ever written of All Time Ever) instead so no complaints there.#i think long form canon compliant copiafic just isn't in the cards for me but i do like putting out a random short gender fic occasionally.

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phoenixiancrystallist · 2 months

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Month 4, day 3

Tonight we did a mossy ground texture :D

I'm going to cause ~problems~ with this >:3 Visorian problems~

#the great artscapade of 2024 #art #my art #blender #blender render #procedural textures #blender 3D #cycles render #my roommate has issued me a challenge #or rather a suggestion #plastic!#which should be relatively easy enough to do but he specifically wanted with surface imperfections #like from the molding process on Gunpla parts #(he's the reason I'm doing that untitled Gunpla comic if anyone remembers the character expression sheets I did for that in '22)#so I'll see if I can find a tutorial for something similar and see if I've absorbed enough lessons to make it >:3

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eegasleega-will-change-this-l8r · 2 months

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dying over her btw

#awful terrible person #so of course i can't stop rotating her in my mind #god like she's just a jerk for no reason for most of the movie #then she gets all old and sweet and then what are you supposed to do??? hate her??? look at that face #it's so crushing to me when she tries to steal howl's heart out of calcifer and would rather burn than give it up #reminder of her selfish lack of concern for all others #but also #feel so bad for her #she's so pitifully desperate #and at the end she gives it back and it's so touching #“thank you. you have a big heart.” mnnggggghh #i'm glad she's finally happy #also i've absorbed parts of her into porky btw

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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 months

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truly lmao 2024 lambda literary award finalist wynnstannery

#have probably already heard of these awards w/o absorbing it but has a sizable [twitter acct you follow follows this acct] overlap for one #wikipedia blurb ''to recognize the crucial role lgbtq writers play in shaping the world...celebrate the very best in lgbtq literature''#Lol! naturally everyone set to laugh abt Individually being lambda award finalist Authors amidst 40+ anthology contributors. sure #and of course oh absolutely crucial cam stone page. we did make the back of book blurb too after all #born of [crucially soph nothingunrealistic (a) investigates that akd role which (ai) leads to me also checking it out. later (b)#investigates this Call For Submissions For All Trans F&F Zine which (bi) leads to me going ''oh so true cam stone Needs to be there'']#all originating in The Wrong Fake ''Fans'' Show Up For Billions By Way Of Beloved Character Winston lmao #b/c fr imagine the trans f&f zine Doesn't have a Did You Know That???? page abt a delightful akd role & canon nonbinary f&f character #but this amidst Plenty of ''fake'' ''wrong'' ''fans'' messing around w/the concept of Fast & Furious as a Work throughout #as i said & got the feedback of [hell yes You Get It] that the premise Guarantees you get a very Varied & inherently Playful response #not b/c playfulness need be ''unserious'' but it sure need not be ''serious.'' like f&f itself; as part of [the premise guarantees it]#& that the Range of ways ppl can approach this broad concept is like the Range of ways ppl can approach the broad concept of Gender lol #& not Unearnest but needing no Gravitas / ''serious'' ''legitimacy'' guaranteed in turn to ''validate'' your efforts #and your not being the ''right'' or ''expected'' audience getting the perhaps straight(tm)forwardly intended experience here lmao #so in many ways it did feel very resonant / relevant to wynnstannery #embracing [the one use of: editor's note!] and [the one use of: the word ''autistic''!]#2 trans 2 furious #which is probably gonna get a physical reprint sooner than later; pdfs still available despite the lack of link there #was already The Intention if vaguely so; now with the added ''can put the 2024 Lambda Award Nominee / Finalist on the cover lol''#page 54 (i believe) brought to you by a couple of quantnoisseurs; rushed to finish last minute then ft. some post deadline edits lmao #classic....nonzero other works i've Heard Of! nice #which: sure does seem like the focus here is like ''did you hear about these books? :)'' as many ''awards'' can ultimately be #like i Am hearing about them now. had seen abt Being Ace on twitter interesting interesting. hi honey i'm homo hell yeah #do we have one or two f&f films left? put cam stone cameo in there for real. Fast furious worth the effort worth the cost #& just shoutout to the like bifurcation of Akd Role Types. [intense in a relatively restrained affect way. some dramatic flair for sure]#and [spontaneous! vivacious! bright! playful! pretty emotionally open!] that's right lmao

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torchickentacos · 3 months

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can fucking harvard maybe not try to sell me weight loss diets?

#tw weight loss #ok to rb but no contrarians. not in the mood #harvard🤝the kardashians for SOME FUCKING REASON?#tw weight talk in the tags but in a way that's critical of weight loss' pervasiveness as a put-forth cure-all.#but yo i just need an article on how to not gag while taking my meds and it shows me this pop up #I HAAATE how weight loss has become synonymous with health #to the point of ads automatically assuming you need it #like. no. that's not automatically something that'll make you healthier.#less is not better #even if less WAS better for someone that's so individualized #like. for me less is worse with my medical issues and a sign something's wrong.#weight loss for me is a worrying symptom and not something to strive for. i wish it would stop being painted as a universal net positive.#it means i'm not absorbing nutrients properly/too sick to eat/it's taking a lot more energy for my body to function than most people/etc #like no. it's actively fucking worrying for a LOT OF PEOPLE #like. don't @ me playing devil's advocate on this. i know weight loss is something healthy for some people.#but don't for a second even try to pretend that it isn't a core part of our society in ways that negatively impact millions.#that's my problem with this moreso than the pop up itself. this pop up is a symptom of that #i'm not in the mood for a debate on this topic to be honest. this is not an invitation #AND I'M STILL NOT FINDING GOOD TIPS ON HOW NOT TO GAG WHEN TAKING MY MEDS but that's another long ramble #but like tldr i'm FULLY capable of taking my meds. i've had to take like 8 in a single sitting before #but i've had one recently that made me feel really sick #so now i've pavloved myself into preemptively gagging at the mere thought of taking pills #and i can't undo it. which sucks as an emetophobe #ughhhhhh. just one of those nights. i'll manage.#pms is not helping kjdfhkdjg

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nellasbookplanet · 11 months

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A fun side effect of me starting up drafts of my book rec posts (I currently have 10 drafts. Normally my drafts folder is empty. Its current state is giving me nervous twitches) is that I'm feeling a sudden urge to read a bunch of books that’s been on my tbr for literal years so I can ascertain whether or not to include them as recs. I so rarely have the urge to pick up physical books or ebooks these days, 99 percent of what I 'read' is audiobooks. My brain doesn’t have space and focus to just Sit And Read anymore. I get bored. I get distracted. A single book takes me months to finish and a lot of time I don’t finish it at all even if I'm enjoying it because my attention wanders to other things and before I know it I haven’t read for weeks and at this point I might as well put the book back in the shelf. And I've just gotten kind of desillusioned about reading, and often straight up force myself to do it because I Like This Dammit. Man I miss being a teenager devouring multiple books a week without issue.

But I'm feeling a bit of a spark at the moment! I've almost finished Octavia Butler's Dawn (it’s definitely going on the alien rec list) and it’s so good! I'm frantically trying to decide what to pick up next so I don’t overwhelm myself by Not Chosing and just trying to read five books at once. Let's see how long I can ride this high.

#it probably helps that my uni semester is over and I've finished several freelance deadlines #so i don’t have to spend as much of my limited reading focus on academic papers and proof reading #but yeah. i really miss the way i used to be absolutely absorbed while reading as a kid/teen #i'd read while walking home from school (the one kind of multitasking i ever mastered; i wonder if i could still do it)#when i was really little i used to hide under a kitchen shelf at home or under the stairs at school so i could read undisturbed #one book once got me so obsessed that i brought it with me into the stable #in case i could sneak some reading time between caring for the animals #i miss that feeling #wonder if losing it is part of growing up and getting different priorities or if part of me got a bit burned out #anyway. thank god for audiobooks #the only thing that still allows me to get through a frankly obscene amount of books #rambles #(next rec post is going to be scifi worldbuilding btw. it'll probably be up either this weekend or sometime next week)

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neverendingford · 1 year

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#exploring my gender options has given me new appreciation for the gender I started with. like. now I can make my voice go highe and lighter #but now I'm exploring the opposite direction. feeling the thrill of my vocal cords vibrating through my jaw #working on eking out a few lower notes and getting that bass rumble where I can #I get incredulous looks when I do my high voice when paging over the intercom. I want to get incredulous looks for my low voice too #I want to do both #Vivec craves radical freedom - the death of all limits and restrictions. He wishes to be all things at all times.#Every race every gender every hero both divine and finite... but in the end he can only be Vivec.#that quote by Sotha Sil still lives in my head. there's a reason Vivec is such a nb icon.#I think the magic is finding a way to incorporate everything into yourself. you cannot be every gender. but you can be yourself #and humans have the ability to absorb infinite lives into themselves. we live near someone until we become. in part. them #we become part of the world around us as we live next to it. we become part of the people around us when we live with them #I've just reinvented the 'god is everywhere. I'm god and you're god' opinion I heard Christians ranting against as a kid #reject modernity. embrace pagan animism #I want people to look at me and realize that I refuse to be caged #I want people to hear me speak and realize that I live beyond the walls they have built for themselves #I want children to see me and see a forest beyond their compound #I want elders to see me and see a burned and ashy meadow sprouting green leaves again #I want to love so wholly that I cannot lose sight of myself #because how can you not see yourself when you are in the sky. in your friends. in your family.#you live in the tiny trinkets on your desk and the hollow worn into the couch #fuck it. I'm painting these words #tag talk

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astrxealis · 2 years

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i miss the times back in shadowbringers. don’t get me wrong i love how things are in endwalker but there was just ?? something so magical about shb to me ???

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#just being afk with my fc mates or in the shb places and man. man.#going through enw msq is amazing! 6.0 made me so incredibly emotional and i owe a lot to it for helping me get thru my uh... despair #and the patches really feed into those brainrotting parts of me head. and the new content is super cool and ohh the stories of the side stuf #but i still prefer the fantasy of shb compared to enw. and the rest of ffxiv tbh. and the whole of ff. it is just so yeah to me ???#and. and. it was just SUCH an experience and everything about it means so much to me!#ffxiv has helped me with anxiety and social anxiety and issues like depression and it. helped me make friends again and even now #i make friends because of ffxiv and some people i have met because of this game mean so much to me and it brings my other friends together #too and the story is just everything to me and ffxiv just. yeah #social life kinda dipped a bit b4 i got so absorbed into ffxiv and sometimes i see that summer of 2021 as unhealthy but also??#it wasn't like i had friends at that time eitherway bcs i fell out w my irls and then online friends so. ffxiv really really helped #and then i reconnected w my irls and then wow. the world is so beautiful and so silly with the way it brings people together!#sorry this kinda turned into tmi but also wow i should make a proper text or sorts as an appreciation to ffxiv bcs i've been meaning to #for a long time now. i want to write a text and then a story (both! they are different to me) and then a video. yeah #and i want to do all this before 7.0 :) which is pretty soon tbh... in a year or two or so? wow #these next years will be very important for my future so idk if i'll be active w ffxiv but i really want to be!#so i'll improve myself and my schedule and all that i do ^___^#idk man ffxiv just really helped me a lot and i feel bad a bit for feeling so much at times but #it really helps knowing i'm not alone. and those much older than me also feel the same! it's really nice #a central theme of ffxiv (endwalker in particular) is that you aren't alone and that shit really hits man. i think everyone should #try to experience ffxiv's story but people also have different preferences and all and that's fine but #i hope i can find people who are like me frfr! and keep those who are close to me <3 hehe

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dont-offend-the-bees · 1 year

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Sometimes I read something very Smart and understand maybe 10-20% of it and actually get so mad/sad bc I can see in my mind's eye the alternate trajectory of my life where the English teacher's pet me of 15 yrs didn't have a massive mental breakdown and lose the ability to concentrate on books and the interest in analysing what made them good or bad for a whole fucking decade and made it to age 26 with a decent literary knowledge base and a extensive toolkit of reading comprehension skills and a boatload of informed opinions, and the current timeline version of me who's a mid-20s burnout with memory issues who has to keep flipping back to check names or turning helplessly to Google for fruitless context hunts gets so bitter and frustrated at how that guy probably gets to just breeze through the clever books and probably can even talk about them cleverly to others, like a PRICK

#it's not anti intellectualism if i just resent my brainy alter ego #eesh. maybe i need to like find some courses on how to do this again.#i used to be able to learn this stuff. i probably can again #but also maybe not bc my therapist thinks my permanent state of stress is shutting off the part of my brain that makes you Remember Things #but also it's my god (or whatever) given right to compare myself unfavourably #to teenage me who didn't know how fucked up he was yet #anyway. one thing at a time.#I've finally regained the ability to Read Books at least #hopefully the question of how to absorb/understand them will come in time #mr. bees speaks

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tanicus-caesareth · 22 days

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guarana drama, damage control

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