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#but yeah. i really miss the way i used to be absolutely absorbed while reading as a kid/teen
nellasbookplanet · 1 year
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A fun side effect of me starting up drafts of my book rec posts (I currently have 10 drafts. Normally my drafts folder is empty. Its current state is giving me nervous twitches) is that I'm feeling a sudden urge to read a bunch of books that’s been on my tbr for literal years so I can ascertain whether or not to include them as recs. I so rarely have the urge to pick up physical books or ebooks these days, 99 percent of what I 'read' is audiobooks. My brain doesn’t have space and focus to just Sit And Read anymore. I get bored. I get distracted. A single book takes me months to finish and a lot of time I don’t finish it at all even if I'm enjoying it because my attention wanders to other things and before I know it I haven’t read for weeks and at this point I might as well put the book back in the shelf. And I've just gotten kind of desillusioned about reading, and often straight up force myself to do it because I Like This Dammit. Man I miss being a teenager devouring multiple books a week without issue.
But I'm feeling a bit of a spark at the moment! I've almost finished Octavia Butler's Dawn (it’s definitely going on the alien rec list) and it’s so good! I'm frantically trying to decide what to pick up next so I don’t overwhelm myself by Not Chosing and just trying to read five books at once. Let's see how long I can ride this high.
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Day 5 of reading Beatles RPF
On our way back home by Kathleenishereagain || 5/56
Reading a chapter while my laundry gets dried (and hoping the dryer actually works today XD)
Though, first things first, I feel I should mention that thanks to @indiekidsupremacist and @the-bluebird-you-need, I now know that not only is there one Beatles movie, but multiple! I think I'll need to put time aside to watch them at some point. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When reading Beatles fanfiction, watch Beatles movies. For research purposes. Obviously.
In the meantime, I did think of something else I could do. A few songs have been mentioned in the fic so far, and it seems a little silly to go on like this without listening to their music. How can you understand why people are fans of a band without hearing what the band's most known for? So, I picked the first one the fic brought up, "I Feel Fine".
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This was so fun. The song itself is great (and catchy. Yeah, that's going to be stuck in my head for a week.) And at one point in the music video, one of them (the comments say it's Ringo) just?? gets on a bike?? and stays on it the rest of the song?????? Brilliant, fantastic, no notes.
Anyway, we're here for fic, and I absolutely have to share this passage that made me look away from my phone for a minute and just absorb it.
He did not have anything to tell him that he actually could say, anyway. Sorry I was an absolute wanker to you. Sorry I didn’t try to talk to you sooner. That I didn’t make more effort to patch things up between us. Sorry you died. I miss you. I have missed you for almost 40 years and I will never stop missing you. Seeing you so young and clueless is more painful than you could ever imagine. Talking to you makes me want to scream. It makes my head turn with happy fireworks and my belly burn with grief. He could not say any of that.
Just. Holy shit. That struck hard and fast, and the rest of the chapter didn't pull any punches either. I'm a huge fan of time travel related angst, so it's like this was tailor-made for me. With every chapter, I'm drawn more and more in.
(I think I mentioned before that I started this blog on a whim, half-joking. Not disrespectful, I should hope, as I didn't want to come into a fandom I'm not a part of and make a mockery of someone's hard work. I'm genuine in my desire to experience this and understand what draws people to it (and I suspect, will become a fan myself in time), but I won't lie and say I didn't come into this with preconceived biases about RPF. Which, to be honest, was a little hypocritical of me. Don't laugh, but my side projects are mostly Supernatural fanfiction, and I can see how easily someone might approach that with the same feelings I did this, whereas I, on the inside and putting my heart into it, take it very seriously. So, solidarity there, I think. We are all weird guys on the internet writing heartfelt love letters to things that matter to us.)
It's still fascinating to me getting little crumbs of knowledge, some of them devastating, chapter by chapter. I expect someone fully immersed in the history of the band and each member would take these in stride, facts they already know well, but some of them really throw me for a loop. The one this chapter was a mention that Paul didn't go to his father's funeral, or couldn't go. It wasn't specified why, and it's a drop in the bucket of this chapter, but it stuck in my mind nonetheless.
Oh, and I have a solid grasp of the distance between London and Liverpool now. The fic said a trip between the two would take about four hours by car, and Google provided me the helpful number of 354 kilometers. (Or, in American, for me, 220 miles.) That's further than the distance I used to go to visit my Grandpa in Mississippi.
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tailsrevane · 2 years
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[movie review] glass onion (2022)
(mild spoilers after the "read more" break)
“again, it’s like poetry, so that they rhyme. every stanza kind of rhymes with the last one. hopefully it’ll work.”
i’m so sorry, as soon as i realized that quote was actually super appropriate for this movie, i just had to.
i asked myself a few questions when i heard rian johnson was going to be making several knives out sequels. chief among them was how in the world he was going to catch this particular lightning in a second bottle.
i mean, obviously following a detective from case to case is nothing new in the murder mystery genre, like that’s kind of their whole thing, right? but knives out was no typical murder mystery. aside from the just absolutely immaculate filmmaking and the incredibly joyful daniel craig performance, the second movie was going to be missing a lot of the intangibles that made the first one so resoundingly perfect. (you know, unless it wasn’t.)
i knew glass onion would be assembling a similar powerhouse cast, but it just felt like the thrombeys were going to be a hard act to follow. and all their rich white bullshit was so integral to what made the movie so great, with blanc immediately glomming on to one of the few people intimately involved in the case who wasn’t a rich asshole. so that element was just going to be completely missing. (you know, unless it wasn’t.)
the setting, too. the setting was just such a fucking powerful mood. the whole “the guy practically lives in a clue board” thing was just going to be hard to match, right? (you know, unless it wasn’t.)
but maybe the biggest thing missing, as previously alluded to, was unquestionably marta. i’ve written before that while the structure of the movie owes a lot to blanc’s personality & method, the heart of the movie belongs entirely to marta. i sort of super liked the idea of marta becoming his watson in a more full-time way, but that obviously would’ve been a somewhat unrealistic move for her character, so i understood why glass onion wasn’t going to take that direction. but it was just a shame that the movie didn’t even have a character who was roughly analogous to her. so that dimension of the movie was just going to be completely missing. (... you know, unless it wasn’t.)
okay, i’m belaboring this and the solution is actually pretty fucking obvious. the same people who assembled all of those elements in the first movie were the same ones building this movie. i mean, duh. and yeah, nothing is ever going to be exactly knives out, but you sort of don’t want it to be, right? you want it to be something new, something that’s its own thing, but you still want it to have the same core, the same central spark, that made you love knives out. you want it to be of the same kind. at least, that’s what i wanted. and that’s absolutely what i got.
the structure of glass onion is superficially very different. at first given what we had heard of the plot and even from just absorbing the first act of the movie as it came to us, i started to think we were getting a much more traditional whodunit than we did in knives out? and moreover, rather than being in complete control of the situation and alternating between seeming exactly that in control or acting befuddled when it suited him, blanc seemed actually befuddled? and it was kind of terrifying?
it reminded me of my first experience watching knives out. for the entire first long stretch of the movie you just think you’re watching a pretty typical murder mystery. and then there’s that plot twist that hits you like a ton of bricks, and you’re just like, “well fuck, we’re in a completely different movie than i thought we were.” and given that that’s like kind of one of the biggest magic tricks knives out pulled, i really shouldn’t have fallen for it a second time??? but of course i fucking did because rian johnson is one of the absolute masters of sweeping you up in a story that weaponizes your expectations and taking joy in misdirecting you so it can later take even more joy in including you in the joke.
but the thing that really makes this tick is that we’ve once again assembled a cast of fully-realized characters. all of these people actually feel like they could be real people while simultaneously being positioned in relation to each other in such a way as to create the web of intrigue you need for a great murder mystery. there is so much thought put into every tiny aspect of each character, mirroring the overall attention to detail that’s devoted to the rest of the movie.
i think this is basically just as good as knives out, which i will remind you is one of my favorite movies of all time. i’ll obviously need to devote quite a few more rewatches to it before i can really say something like that with confidence, but it’s good enough that we literally went and saw it again in theaters the next time we were able to even though it’s going to be on netflix literally a few weeks from now. and i’m going to watch it as soon as it’s on netflix. more than once. it’s the kind of movie that absolutely rewards rewatching, just like its predecessor.
my expectations for this movie were sky high, and it met and exceeded those despite the inherent difficulty curve of trying to pull off something like this again. at this point i trust rian johnson like i trust very few other filmmakers. and while i know there are probably plenty of other movies he’d like to make, i kind of wouldn’t hate it if he just kept making new knives out movies once every two years or so. i will never get tired of these if they keep being this good. s-rank
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dadbodosamu · 3 years
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only you || part i
Stepdad Osamu x Fem!Reader
WARNINGS: pseudocest, stepcest, cheating, wombfucking, semi-public sex (in an alley), extremely light dumbification, breeding kink, spit kink, Osamu has a dick piercing
4.5k words. thanks to @waka-chan-out and @vanilleswtmacaron for beta reading this and reassuring me that it doesn’t suck lol
ao3 link here (aha its not too long mobile just sucks!!) part i || part ii || part iii || part iv || part v || part vi || extras || only you, too
You sighed as you tapped your fingers on the table. Your mom had decided it was high time for you to meet your new stepdad, who you had put off meeting for the past three years. You smiled as you remembered the perfectly timed appendicitis that had you missing the wedding. You couldn’t have planned it better if you tried. 
Your dad had only passed away a little under four years ago, leaving your mom to remarry only six months later. You’d opted to live with your grandmother, citing her health as a reason to live with her on her farm. Your plan had worked perfectly, and you hadn’t had to meet Osamu for three years.
Now though, with your grandmother in the hospital, your mom thought it was a great time for you to come and visit and finally meet the great Osamu.
“Osamu should be home any minute,” your mom said, smiling happily over the takoyaki she was making. “He’s bringing your favourite!”
“Yay,” you said, unenthusiastically. You glanced at the time on your phone. You were almost wishing Osamu to be here so you wouldn’t have to spend another awkward second with your mom.
You and your mom hadn’t been close to begin with, you always being a daddy’s girl from the day you were born. And after remarrying so quickly, you’d drifted even further apart. At this point, you had nothing to speak to her about.
“I’m home!” Someone called. The door slid shut behind them and you glanced around, waiting for them to appear in the kitchen. “And I brought umeboshi onigiri!”
The man who stepped into the kitchen nearly knocked you out of your seat.
He was handsome. Devastatingly, heartachingly, handsome. He was tall, with brown hair and deep grey eyes, and thick. His t-shirt was pulled taut over his broad shoulders and his thighs in his shorts were almost indecent. 
The next thing you noticed was that he was young. Probably only a handful of years older than your twenty-one, definitely closer to your age than your mom’s.
God, why had you put this meeting off? Had you known your mom was married to an actual god, you would’ve actually visited.
“Hey, honey,” your mom greeted, smiling at him. Your stomach twisted as she leaned over, puckering her lips for a kiss. Osamu pecked her lips quickly and turned towards you.
“Hey, I’m Osamu,” he greeted, smiling widely at you. Your heart skipped. “I heard ya like umeboshi onigiri so I made you some.”
“Th-thank you,” you stuttered. “I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to finally meet ya,” Osamu said. “Was starting to think ya were avoiding me!”
“More like she was avoiding me,” your mom said. “She was always a daddy’s girl.”
“Oh?” Osamu asked, looking at you. Your cheeks burned. “Well, I’d never try to replace yer dad, but if ya ever need some daddy/daughter time, I’m here for ya.”
You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from saying something stupid. 
“I really appreciate that,” you said. 
“Oh, I’m so glad you two are getting along already!” Your mom squealed. She carried the takoyaki to the table and smiled as she sat down. “Dinner is finally ready.”
“Itadakimasu,” you mumbled, already loading your plate up with onigiri and the other food on the table. 
“So, how is university going?” Your mom asked. 
You shrugged as you slurped up some noodles. “It’s going. Made nationals.”
“Oh? What sport do ya play? I don’t think yer mom ever mentioned,” Osamu said. You rolled your eyes. Of course she hadn’t mentioned volleyball, it wasn’t like you’d been playing since elementary school or anything.
“Volleyball,” you said. “I was on the Niiyama girls team in high school. Hoping to go pro after uni.”
“Volleyball? I played in high school! My brother, Atsumu, and I were on the Inarizaki team,” Osamu exclaimed. 
“Not Miya Atsumu, right?” You asked, excitedly. “MSBY Black Jackals Miya Atsumu?”
“The very one!” Osamu said.
“No way! They’re my favourite team! I have a signed poster in my room, it’s my prized possession!” I exclaimed. “I heard a few members are going to the Olympics this year.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me she plays volleyball,” Osamu said, glancing at your mom.
“Must’ve slipped my mind,” your mom said.
“We should go to a game sometimes,” Osamu said. “I can get an extra ticket to the MSBY, Adlers game later this week.”
“That sounds great!” You said, smiling widely.
Your mom ate in relative silence as you and Osamu traded stories about your volleyball times, only ever inputting something every once in a while. After dinner, Osamu found a Sendai Frogs match. 
“I’m currently in the nation’s top 3 setters,” you said, proudly. “I’m number two behind Takao Michi.”
“I’ll have to start coming to yer games,” Osamu said. “See ya in action.”
“I’d like that,” you said, honestly. 
“Why don’t ya come to work with me tomorrow? I can introduce ya to a few of my friends that are in town,” Osamu said.
“Absolutely,” you said.
“Don’t get me wrong though, I’m putting ya to work while yer there,” Osamu said. Your mom yawned.
“You all have me worn out from all this volleyball talk,” she said. “I’m going to bed.”
“Night, mom,” you said as she stood up.
“Osamu?” She questioned, turning back to glance at him.
“Oh, we’re going to stay up a bit longer,” he said. “The Schweinden Adlers have a match after the Frogs.”
“Oh, okay,” she said. You could hear the disappointment in her voice.
Osamu waited until you heard the bedroom door click shut before speaking.
“I know this is probably too much information about yer mom but she must think I’m some sex robot,” Osamu said, huffing. “A guy can only do so much.”
You crinkled your nose. “Gross, I did not need to know that.” You tried to hold steady but laughter bubbled up through your lips. Osamu laughed loudly and you joined him, holding your gut with how hard you were laughing.
“We need- we need to be- to be quiet!” Osamu laughed. “She’s trying to- tryin’ to sleep.”
You giggled a few more times before quieting down.
“So, how old are ya?” Osamu asked, standing up. “Old enough for a beer?”
“I’m twenty-one,” you said. “Old enough for a beer.”
“We got wine coolers if ya would rather have that,” Osamu said, stepping into the kitchen.
“Please,” you said. “So, how old are you? Can’t help but notice you’re quite a bit younger than my mom.”
“Twenty-five, twenty-six in October,” he said, grabbing a beer and a wine cooler out of the fridge.
“Follow up question,” you said, “and I don’t mean any offence, I’m sure she’s great in some ways, but why my mom? I mean, surely there’s no shortage of people your age that are wanting you.”
Osamu took a long drink from his beer before answering. “Ask me after I’ve drunk a few of these.”
You pursed your lips and took a sip of your fruity drink. “Fine,” you said. “Then let’s play a game. Every time the Adlers score, I’ll ask you a question and every time the Tachibana Red Falcons score, you get to ask me a question.”
“Deal,” Osamu said.
“Oh! Score!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands up. “Another untouchable spike by Ushiwaka!”
“Shush, yer mom,” Osamu giggled. You rolled your eyes and chugged the rest of your fifth drink.
“You shush, it’s my turn,” you said, plopping down on the couch next to Osamu. “So, now tell me,” You hiccupped. “My bad. Now tell me, why my mom? Why not someone your age? Because I’m gonna- I’m gonna be honest, you’re hot and my mom is, like, she’s not, like, ugly, but, like, she’s, like, fifty.”
“I could just like cougars,” Osamu teased. You rolled your eyes and popped the top on your next drink.
“Tell the, the truth, ‘Samu,” you slurred. 
“Fine, but this stays between us, as best friends,” he said.
“Bee ef efs,” you slurred.
“Yer mom helped fund my restaurant,” he said. “So, I felt bad. She’s so nice and sweet. So, I married her.”
“Now you have a step kid that’s only four years younger than you,” you said. 
“Yeah, she didn’t really mention ya before we got married,” he said. Osamu leaned in close to you. “She didn’t mention how attractive ya were either.”
Your cheeks flushed. You turned your head away from him, looking back to the television.
“Oh, Falcons scored,” you said. “It’s your turn to ask a question.”
Osamu took a sip of his beer before speaking. “Why have ya been avoidin’ yer mom?”
You took a large gulp from your drink. “I haven’t been avoiding her,” you lied. Osamu blinked at you slowly. 
“Fine, fine!” You exclaimed. You sipped from your drink, then responded, “Mainly because she remarried so quickly after Dad died. And to someone only four years older than me. But we’ve never been close. She and I never really saw eye-to-eye. She was the love of my dad’s life and he was just another guy to her. Not to mention, she’s never been remotely interested in anything in my life, she’s always been so self-absorbed. I doubt she even knew I still played volleyball, that’s probably why she didn’t mention it to you.”
Osamu stayed silent as you chugged the remainder of your drink.
“I know it’s probably not comforting, but I’ll be there for ya if ya need me,” Osamu said. “Even if yer mom and I separate, I consider ya a friend now.”
Osamu’s words were oddly comforting. You nodded as you reached for yet another wine cooler. 
“I’m oddly comforted,” you said, popping the top easily. You fiddled with the top, thinking of what to say next.
“Another Falcons score,” Osamu said. “My turn again.”
“Question away,” you said. 
“Can’t think of any,” Osamu said. He yawned.
“Tired already?” You teased, elbowing him in the side. “Old man.”
“I’m twenty-five,” he argued, yawning again. “But I am going to bed. Let’s call a rain check on our game.”
“Deal,” you said, raising your bottle to him. “Might as well go to bed, too. Night, Samu.”
“Night, Y/n,” Osamu said, standing up. He stretched out before padding down the hallway to your mom’s room. 
You sighed loudly once you heard the door click shut. You gulped down your drink. “Good going, Y/n. You finally found a guy you like and he’s your stepdad.”
You finished your drink before gathering all the empty bottles and cans, throwing them in the recycling before walking towards your room. You collapsed onto your unmade bed and passed out before your head hit the pillow. 
“Two salted salmon onigiri,” you said, placing the plate in front of the professional volleyball player. “And onion soup.”
“Go ahead and join them,” Osamu said, placing a few plates on the same table. “I’ll bring you out some umeboshi onigiri.”
“Thanks,” you said. You could barely contain your excitement as you took a seat between Miya Atsumu and Bokuto Koutarou.
“So, yer a setter?” Atsumu asked, taking a bite of his onigiri. You nodded.
“Number two in the nation,” you said.
“She’s better than you were, Tsumu!” Hinata Shoyo exclaimed. You smiled widely.
“In high school, I was ranked number one under nineteen in my second and third years,” you said. “I even got to play in the junior Olympics in high school. We only won silver, though.”
“We’re playing the Olympics this year,” Bokuto said. “And a few of our friends from the Adlers.”
“Kageyama Tobio, Ushijima Wakatoshi, and Hoshimiumi Kourai?” You asked. “I’ve been keeping up with everyone considered for the Olympics.”
“Maybe you’ll be playing in the next Olympics,” Sakusa said. 
“That’s the goal,” you said, smiling. Osamu set a plate in front of you. “Thank you.”
“So our little star setter is here for the next week,” Osamu said, placing a strong hand on your shoulder. “We should play a game while she’s down, see how good she really is.”
“I’m game!” Bokuto exclaimed. “I wanna see those number two in the nation skills!”
“Probably nowhere near the level of you guys,” you said.
“We do have a few years on ya,” Atsumu said, ruffling your hair. 
“Literally only four,” you said, fixing your hair.
“Leave the kid alone, Tsumu,” Osamu said.
“Hey, she’s my niece now, I reserve the right to tease her,” Atsumu said.
“Uncle Tsumu,” you teased.
“That’s right, Uncle Tsumu and Daddy Samu,” Atsumu said. 
Your stomach flipped as the MSBY boys laughed. Osamu looked down at you and winked. You clenched your thighs together.
“All right, quiet down before ya disturb my payin’ guests,” Osamu said. 
“Lunch on Samu-kun!” Hinata exclaimed. Osamu rolled his eyes.
“Once yer finished, I want ya back in the kitchen,” Osamu said. He rubbed your back before walking into the kitchen.
“So, you plan on going professional after university?” Bokuto asked.
You nodded as the table fell into casual conversation.
“I already have offers to go play in France and Brazil,” you said, taking a bite of your onigiri.
“Brazil is fantastic,” Hinata said. “I played there for a while.”
“You liked it? I’ve been debating back and forth between the two. Can’t decide which one I would enjoy more,” you said. “Does Brazil have good food?”
“The best! Unless you’re looking for Japanese food,” Hinata said. “There’s no good Japanese food.”
“Noted,” you said, smiling.
“What are you studying in school?” Sakusa asked.
“Education,” you said. “If volleyball doesn’t work out I want to teach Japanese in another country.”
“Smart,” Sakusa said.
“So, any boyfriends? Girlfriends? Significant others?” Atsumu asked.
You laughed. “With what time?”
“Oh, come on, there has to be someone!” Atsumu exclaimed. “We all find time for a lil’ somethin’.”
“There was a girl,” you admitted. “On my volleyball team, but we both cared more about volleyball than each other.”
“Any crushes?” Bokuto asked. He winked at you and flexed his arms playfully.
You pursed your lips. “And why should I tell you if I do?”
“Because we’re all best friends now!” Hinata shouted, slamming his hand on the table. He ignored the looks from the other customers.
“There is this guy I have my eye on,” you said. “He’s tall, nice, and beefy as hell.”
“Ooo, tell us more,” Bokuto said.
You shook your head. “No use talking about him. He’s strictly off limits.”
“He’s gay,” Atsumu said, nodding his head.
“What?! No!” You laughed. “He’s taken.”
“Ah, university relationships aren’t always serious, you can probably still get him,” Hinata said, waving away your worries.
“He’s married,” you said. The boys all hissed in sympathy.
“Ask for a threesome,” Atsumu said. Your face must’ve shown your disgust because the boys all laughed at you.
“She must be ugly,” Bokuto said.
“We don’t get along the best,” you said. You sighed as you looked down at your empty plate.
“Better get to work before Daddy Samu grounds you,” Atsumu teased.
You rolled your eyes, but stood up. 
“It was nice meeting you guys,” you said. “I hope we can get a game together before I leave.”
“Oh, we definitely will,” Bokuto said.
“I’ll hold you to it,” you said, smiling. You waved bye to them as you entered the kitchen.
Osamu was leaned over the stove top, stirring a large pot of soup.
“Have fun?” He asked, wiping sweat off his brow with the towel thrown over his shoulder. You nodded.
“They were all super nice,” you said. “I feel like we’re actually friends now.”
“That’s good,” Osamu said, smiling at you. “Ya wanna start putting together a couple of onigiri?”
“No problem,” you said, washing your hands quickly. 
“We need five salted salmon and three umeboshi,” Osamu said. “And then out to table three.”
“Got it,” you said.
The rest of the day went by relatively quickly and smoothly. It was finally around midnight when the last customers finally left and you and Osamu could close down shop.
“Come into my office and I’ll show you how to count all the money,” Osamu said, locking the main doors. 
You followed him into his small office. 
“Okay, whenever you count the money, make sure the door is closed and locked behind you,” Osamu said, closing the door behind him. 
You held your breath as he slowly slid past you, your chest brushing against his.
“A lil’ cramped in here, sorry,” Osamu said, sitting at his desk.
“It’s fine,” you mumbled, sitting in the folding chair next to him.
“So, d’ya have a good day?” Osamu asked, casually thumbing through bills.
You nodded. “It was good! It was nice meeting your friends. I really liked them.”
“Ooo, any of ‘em catch yer eye?” Osamu teased. You rolled your eyes.
“I already have my eye on someone,” you said.
“Oh?” Osamu questioned.
“He’s taken though,” you said. “Strictly off limits.”
“Ask for a threesome,” he said.
You laughed loudly. “Funny, Atsumu said the same thing. But no, I don’t get along with his wife.”
“Wife? That sucks,” he said, placing a wad of cash in an envelope. 
“Yeah,” you agreed.
“Well, I, for one, think yer a catch,” Osamu said, sealing the envelope. “Anyone would be lucky to have ya.”
“Thanks, Samu,” you said, face burning. He patted your thigh.
“Anytime, princess,” Osamu said. You clenched your thighs together at the new nickname. “Well, we’re all done here, let’s get home.”
You trailed after him like a lost puppy as he double checked all the appliances were off and flipping the lights off.
You shivered as you stepped into the cool, night air. 
“Cold?” Osamu asked, already peeling off his Onigiri Miya hoodie.
“Yeah, a little,” you said, gladly taking the hoodie from him. You tugged it over your head and breathed deeply. “Smells good. Half expected it to smell like onigiri.”
“It will soon,” Osamu said, smiling. “It’s new. Just got the shipment in last week.”
“I’ll have to get one,” you said.
“Keep it,” Osamu said. “Ya look cute in it.”
You blushed deeply. You bumped his shoulder with yours gently.
“It’s like, way too big,” you said.
Osamu shrugged. “Oversized is in. Besides, I thought girls loved to steal guys’ hoodies.”
“Yeah, guys they like,” you said.
“Well, ya took it from me,” Osamu said, bumping your shoulder. “Ya must like me a little.”
“Whatever,” you said, cheeks burning. Osamu laughed.
“Someone has a crush!” He sang.
“Shut up! I don’t have a crush on you,” you said.
“Ya did call me hot last night,” he said.
“I was drunk, so it doesn’t count,” you said. He rolled his eyes obnoxiously.
“Ya have a crush on me, just admit it,” Osamu said. “I won’t tell anyone, pinky promise.”
“You’re my stepdad, in case you forgot,” you replied. “That’s basically incest, isn’t it?”
“So ya admit it?” Osamu asked. You shoved him playfully.
“I actually have a crush on Atsumu,” you said. “He’s the hotter twin.”
Osamu pushed you into an alley and caged you against the cool bricks of a building.
“Oh?” Osamu said. “Ya think Atsumu is the hotter twin?”
You nodded slowly as Osamu looked down at you.
“It’s the hair,” you squeaked.
“Oh, yeah, forgot that girls love a guy who doesn’t know what toner is,” Osamu said, leaning down. “I think yer lying.” His nose was nearly touching yours.
“I’m not,” you mumbled. Osamu’s hands moved from either side of your head to your hips. 
“You are,” Osamu whispered, lips brushing against your ear. You shivered.
“And if I am?” You asked.
“I don’t like bad girls,” Osamu said. “Lying is grounds for punishment.”
“Punishment?” You asked.
“I’d bend ya over my knee and spank ya until ya begged for mercy,” he said. You sucked in a sharp breath.
“It’s a good thing I’m not lying, then,” you said. By now, Osamu’s lips were nearly against yours, so close you could feel the heat from his breath on your lips.
Osamu ground his hips against yours, firmly pressing his hard on against you.
You bit your lip and glanced down. His cock was straining against his jeans, eager to be released.
“Tell the truth and I’ll think about not putting ya over my knee,” Osamu said, lips softly brushing against yours. 
“You’re the hotter twin,” you said, putting your arms around his neck. “And I have a crush on you. And I want you to fuck me in this alley.”
“There we go,” Osamu said. He finally kissed you roughly, like he wanted to devour you. You moaned as he ground against you.
“Samu,” you moaned, pulling back. He wasted no time, kissing down your neck, sucking and biting at your sensitive skin.
“Been thinkin’ about pushin’ this lil’ skirt up all day,” he growled, pushing your skirt up around your waist, revealing the pretty pink lace of your underwear. 
“Please,” you gasped as he shoved his jeans and underwear down, releasing his cock. You nearly moaned at the sight of it, long and thick and leaking precum from the swollen tip.
“Gonna wreck this cute little cunt,” Osamu said, tugging your underwear down and letting them fall to the ground. He dragged the tip of his cock through your wet folds, teasing your clit and hole.
“Is- Is that a piercing I feel?” You asked, feeling cool metal against your warm folds.
“I’ll give ya a closer look later,” he said, teasingly pushing the tip in and out of your hole. “Wanna be in ya now.”
“Fill me up, please, Samu,” you begged, digging your fingernails into his skin. Your walls fluttered around nothing as he lifted you up. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist.
“Good girl,” he muttered, lining his cock up with your hole. “Beg for my cock, princess.”
“Please, please, please!” You cried. “Want your cock in me, need it! Please, Samu, want you to fill me up.”
“Of course, baby girl, anything for my princess,” Osamu said, kissing you softly. He rutted his hips up into you, stretching you out suddenly.
You moaned loudly and let your head fall on Osamu's broad shoulder. 
“So big,” you moaned. “Hurts.”
“Shh, shh, yer takin’ me so well, baby,” Osamu said. “Squeezin’ me so tight, wanna bust just bein’ in ya.”
You whimpered as Osamu slowly pulled out. He pushed back in slowly, giving you time to adjust to each inch. Your walls clenched around him, sucking him in deeper and deeper until the swollen tip was kissing your cervix.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “Gonna ruin ya.” Osamu pulled out until just the tip was in and slammed back into you.
You gasped loudly as his cock breached your cervix, going deeper than anything had ever been in you and stretching you more than anything ever had.
“Samu!” You cried, throwing your head back and digging your nails into the nape of his neck. “Fuck, harder, please!”
“Feel that, baby? I’m so deep in ya,” Osamu said. “Fuckin’ past your cervix, yeah?”
You nodded as you bit back your moans as Osamu pounded into you. You buried your head into his shoulder and bit down, quieting your too loud moans.
“Next time, ‘m gonna have ya somewhere ya can be loud as ya want,” Osamu grunted. “Wanna hear yer pretty, little moans.”
You let out a soft moan in his ear and he snapped his hips up harder into you.
“Ah, Samu,” you moaned, struggling to keep your volume down. “Gonna cum.”
He pinched your clit as you gushed around his cock. You looked down to where your bodies met and watched as your juices leaked down his cock, dripping on his heavy balls. You moaned.
“Gonna fill ya up, baby,” he growled lowly. “Come ‘ere.”
He pulled your head up by your hair and squeezed your cheeks until your mouth fell open, tongue lolling out. He gathered spit in his mouth and spat it on your waiting tongue.
“Don’t swallow,” he said. He kissed you deeply, licking into your mouth and sucking your tongue. He kissed you messily, spit running down your chin and a thin strand of it connecting you two when he finally pulled back. 
“Such a messy, little slut,” he said, slamming his hips against yours. “Taking my spit so well. Gonna take my cum like that?”
You nodded, unable to speak beyond gasps and moans as his cock abused your cunt.
“Can’t speak? Fucked ya dumb, huh?” Osamu asked. He chuckled. “My cock makin’ ya dumb, little baby?”
You whined. God, you wanted him to fill you up so bad. 
“Cum. Inside.” You gasped out.
“Oh? Want me t’ breed ya? Make ya big and swollen with my baby?” Osamu asked, hips moving faster.
You nodded furiously. He rubbed your clit in tight, fast circles.
“Cream ‘round my cock one more time, baby,” he grunted. 
“Samu!” You exclaimed. Your stomach tightened as your walls fluttered like crazy.
“Yeah? Gonna cum again for me?” Osamu asked. You let out a high pitched moan as the coil in your stomach snapped.
“Fill me up, please!” You moaned as you came. Osamu’s hips stuttered as he pushed into you deeply before painting your womb white. You cried out, letting your head rest against his shoulder as he moaned.
“Fuck, yer still so tight around my cock,” he hissed. Your walls fluttered. “Perfect little cunt, princess. Milkin’ me dry like a good girl.”
You whimpered as he slowly pulled out. Your legs went limp, falling from his waist.
“Can’t stand,” you mumbled, legs shaking with the weak attempt you made. Osamu held you up as he pulled his pants back up and pulled your panties back on.
“Come here, baby,” he said, swooping you up bridal style. “Let’s go home, princess.”
You nodded lamely as he carried you. You must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing you heard was Osamu talking to your mother.
“She was practically dead on her feet,” Osamu said. “Fell asleep while I was counting the money.”
“You could’ve called, I would’ve brought the car,” your mom said. You felt Osamu shrug.
“It was no problem,” Osamu said. 
“Well, go lay her down in her bed,” your mom said. “Then maybe she’ll be out for the rest of the night.” You frowned at her suggestive tone and cuddled deeper into Osamu’s chest.
“I’ll go lay her down,” Osamu said. He carried you down the hall and entered your bedroom carefully.
As he laid you down, you grabbed his arm and whined, “Don’t go.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. “I gotta go to my own bed.”
“Don’t- Don’t fuck her,” you mumbled. “Please.”
“Don’t worry, princess,” he said, softly brushing your hair out of your face. “It’s only you from now on.” You nodded. Osamu kissed your forehead before leaving you alone.
You blinked once, twice, before you were asleep.
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boldlyvoid · 3 years
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touch me
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spencer reid x reader
Summary: Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.
warnings: mentions of cases, insecurity issues, female reader, smut, blowjobs, riding, praise, emotional hurt/comfort. emotional sex, strangers to lovers, hook-ups,
word count: 5.8k
They had been in New Mexico for almost a week, solving a series of murders that seemed to have no end in sight. There was nothing they could do but go back to their hotels to sleep, hoping there’d be a connection in the morning.
Spencer and JJ were sharing a room as the small town hotel didn’t have accommodations for everyone that was visiting to help with the case. They didn’t mind, it was like a long sleep-over.
They did their own thing, kept their space and Spencer really did enjoy overhearing her on FaceTime with her kids. It was refreshing happiness in the middle of the madness murder sadness and despair they were swallowed by.
When his phone rang at 6 am, just shortly after he returned to his room for a quick rest, he sighed deeply, “Dr. Reid.”
“I’m so sorry to do this to you, but another body dropped and I need you to go to the ME,” Prentiss explained softly down the line. “It’s weirder than the other’s and you’re the only person who would be able to work it out with the examiner.”
“I’m on it,” he replied with a tightlipped smile. He hung up and looked over at JJ, already peacefully asleep on her bed. He closed the door softly on his way out, not wanting to disturb her any further.
At the other end of the hallway, Spencer stood and waited for the elevator. It seemed to be taking forever, everything he was doing lately dragged on and on with no end in sight. He was exhausted, still struggling with his PTSS, just all around not having the best time.
He was in the middle of rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when the elevator opened with an equally tired woman waiting inside. “Hi,” she said before covering her mouth to yawn, “sorry.”
“I get it,” he smiled as he stepped inside. “Lobby?”
“Yes please,” she smiled. “Are you here for the case too?”
“Uh, yes,” he answered softly, “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, with the FBI.”
“Oh, hi! I’m Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, the medical examiner,” her face lit right up. “Agent Prentiss said you’d be joining me I just didn’t think this quickly.”
She was adorable, bubbly and happy in a way he envied. He missed the feeling of random giddiness, smiling at her as he felt the butterflies swirl in his stomach. “Do you need a ride? I have an SUV from the bureau.”
“Yeah,” her smiled got bigger. “That would be really nice.”
They walked closely together through the lobby and towards the parking structure, he hit the unlock button a few times while trying to figure out which SUV his keys matched to. Finally getting in and watching her climb in the passenger seat.
“Do you know anything yet about the body?” Spencer asked as he turned on the ignition.
“Yeah hold on,” she pulled her iPad out of her bag and started sliding through emails.
“Your tech girl sent me the initial police reports, witness statements and overview,” she began to explain. “Like the others, she’s a 25-year-old female, blond, blue-eyed, athletic.”
“Prentiss said it was a weird one?” Spencer added.
“They think she was embalmed before the unsub staged her,” Y/N added with a tone of disgust on her voice. “Do you have your tech girl’s number?”
“Yeah, hold on,” Spencer dug his phone from his pocket and dialled the number.
“Penelope Garcia, the 8th wonder of the world at your service,” she answered after just one ring. “How are you doing on this fine morning, my fine furry friend?”
“Not so hot,” Spencer replied. “I’m with the ME right now on the way to the body, she has a question for you.”
“Oh hello, ask away.”
Y/N was smiling on the front seat, enjoying the show they put on for her. “Um, hi I was wondering if you could look into anyone in this town buying embalming equipment, or if any has been stolen from the funeral home? This town is so under-resourced already, I don’t know where this guy could get this stuff.”
“Absolutely, I’ll add that to my parameters,” Garcia’s voice was lovely and soft. “I’ll call you back if I find anything!”
“She’s lovely,” Y/N exclaimed as Spencer place his phone back in his pocket.
“Yeah, she is.”
Spencer pulled into the morgue’s parking lot, the lights were all on and the Coroners van was parked by the loading doors. Inside there was just 1 officer, waiting beside a body bag as Spencer and Y/N walked in.
The officer gave them both a quick rundown of the crime scene findings, as well as information about where all the equipment was before leaving them to their work.
“Have you ever examined a body?” Y/N asked Spencer.
He nodded, “I’ve been present during a few, held some organs, but I’ve never done one myself.”
“They’re pretty gnarly,” She scrunched her face and giggled. “Let’s get you all geared up.”
She handed him a hairnet, a white plastic suit, goggles and a mask. “Gloves are on the wall, pick your size.”
He felt like a lunch lady standing beside her, taller than her by almost a foot, dressed in all white with a hairnet. He could tell she was smiling at him under her mask, her eyes gleamed up at him in a way that made his heart melt.
He had to remind himself multiple times that this was nowhere close to the time appropriate to want to flirt with someone. They were about to examine a dead body, and potentially solve a case. There would be time to flirt later.
But he was just so amazed by how she worked, being able to tell everything that was going on by just looking at the body. Making notes on her own and only occasionally explaining things to Spencer. In her own little world, solving the puzzle with expertise.
“The other 4 vics were just strangled and staged, dressed up and left in different areas around town,” she ran the case down more for herself, needing to hear the words to make a connection.
“Yes,” Spencer followed her train of thought, tilting his head as he listened.
“She was murdered, embalmed, staged and sexually assaulted. His MO is completely different and it’s only been 2 days since the last body dropped. I think he’s found his signature,” She explained her thoughts. “His sexual aspect comes out only when they’re dead and cold, we’re dealing with a necrophile.”
“While most serial killers start with small animals before moving on to humans, he started with women and then eventually grew to what he really wanted. That’s what we were missing,” Spencer’s eyes lit up.
“He’s a lot younger than you hypothesized in the original profile,” She added.
“You read it?”
She nodded, “yeah I like to know what you’re looking at to see if I have answers.”
“This is really going to help us,” Spencer smiled, his eyes mimicking hers now.
“I can finish up here if you want to go back to your team? I can get a cab,” She offered. “Go catch this guy.”
“Okay,” Spencer said, backing up from the table and taking his equipment off. Placing them in the hazmat garbage. “Are you sure?”
“Yes Dr. Reid, I’ll be fine,” She laughed. “Can I call you if anything comes up?”
He smiled again, “call me even if something doesn’t.” He dug a contact card out of his pocket and placed it on top of her purse. Waving as he walked out of the room.
He thought about her smile for the rest of the afternoon, leaving his findings with Prentiss before heading back to his room to sleep for a few hours.
He finally found his way back into the police department 5 hours later, coffee in hand as he tried to absorb all the new information. They had a lead, stolen embalming equipment from a funeral home a few towns over was reported 4 days ago.
He stayed back during the apprehension of the suspect. Simmons, Lewis and Rossi were closer and they didn’t think the unsub would be dangerous. No one was missing and he wasn’t expecting them, should be easy to get him to come in for some questions.
Much like the rest of this case, it didn’t go to plan. They found another woman in his home, having to shoot him in the process. Ending the spree, ridding the world of a necrophile. It just didn’t feel like justice was served when another person had to die.
Spencer sat on his bed, calming down slightly from the end of the case. Saving a woman, killing a murderer, it was all a lot to process in such a short time.
JJ was in her bed on the other side of the room, scrolling through Facebook as she looked at photos of her kids. It was a much easier way for her to calm down, remembering that she could go home to pure, unadulterated happiness at the end of a case.
They heard a small knock on the door, Spencer volunteered to answer, opening it only a small amount as he looked out.
“Oh, hi,” surprised to see Y/N behind the door.
“Would you like to come and drink with me?” She asked, holding up a bottle in her hand. “In my room,” she added.
“Yeah, yes um, hold on,” he closed the door on her softly.
“Who’s that?” JJ smirked at him.
“My friend,” he replied quickly, running to the bathroom to look at his hair and fix his shirt. “I’ll be back later.”
He grabbed his wallet, making sure he had a condom first, before opening the door only a small amount to slip out into the hall. Hiding Y/N from JJ as she tried to look out the door.
“Sorry, my co-worker and I are sharing,” he explained.
“It’s okay,” she smiled, heading towards the stairs. “I’m just a floor up, and the elevator takes a million years.”
Spencer held the door for her, watching her head up the stairs as he noticed the bottle in one of her hands and her shoes in the other. She walked up the steps in her socks, exhausted from the day.
“Did you get any sleep?” She asked him softly as she kept climbing the steps.
“A few hours, did you?”
“Yeah,” she laughed, “I woke up just before they called about the body this morning.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to just go to bed? You’ve been working for 12 hours,” Spencer worried for her.
She reached the door for floor 3, pulling it open with the hand she held her shoes in, “Sleep is the for weak.”
He laughed lightly, “do you want me to hold anything?”
“Here,” she handed him the bottle, “thanks.”
She dug the keycard from her pocket as he followed her towards the right door. Excitement bubbled in his chest as she opened the door and welcomed him inside.
It was exactly like his room downstairs, only there was just 1 queen bed and a few couches by the window. She set her things down on the bed, sighing deeply as she sat on the edge.
“Do you have any cups or mugs?” Spencer asked, reminding her that he was holding the alcohol still.
“Yeah, on the bar table over there,” she pointed. “I’m just going to change in the bathroom quickly, you can pour yourself a drink.”
“Okay,” he smiled awkwardly as he crossed the room.
She dug through her suitcase quickly. Spencer saw from the corner of his eye as she took out some shorts and a shirt, not even slightly worried about being so casual in front of a complete stranger.
He inspected the bottle, it was just a cheap scotch, nothing too special. He poured about an inch of the golden liquid into two cups, not a big fan of drinking but tonight he felt a little risky.
She came back looking more refreshed, very cozy, and still breathtakingly beautiful. He hadn’t felt this way about someone in a long time, the tightening in his chest as he wondered where the night was going to go.
Not to mention the longing he felt.
Even before prison, he wasn’t one to spend a lot of nights alone with a beautiful stranger. The added isolation in his life changed him on a fundamental level, he realized just how much he craved contact, and just how much he’s deprived himself over the years from both men and women. He just wanted to be loved properly.
He silently handed her one of the cups, smiling at each other softly as they tapped cups. Taking the whole drink, “oh, yep that was exactly what I needed.” Y/N’s eyes watered as her face scrunched up, coughing a bit.
Spencer felt the same, only being able to hide it a bit better. The burn was nice on his throat, it made him feel alive. “Did you want to order some food or anything or?”
She laughed, “that would be the smart and responsible thing to do.”
“Are you okay?” He asked softly.
She looked up at him, her shoulders dropping as she released the tension in her body. Looking into his eyes with care, it was so different from the way his co-workers looked at him. She didn’t think he was broken, she had to reason to believe he was even damaged.
“Yeah,” she smiled, placing her hand on his chest as she stepped in closer to him. “Do you like mushrooms on pizza?” She giggled, even this close to him with every opportunity to kiss him, she chose to just make him smile. Something that didn’t happen too often lately.
“I do, it’s my favourite topping actually.”
She took his tie in her hands and dragged him to the couch, “I enjoy topping sometimes too.”
She sat down on the couch and looked up at him, waiting for him to sit beside her. Patting the cushion beside herself while he swallowed sharply, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, making her smirk.
“I won’t bite Spencer,” she laughed finally. “I’m sorry if that was too much?”
“No,” he said, sitting down beside her quickly. “No, it’s fine honestly, I’m just not used to it.”
“Too busy with the FBI to find anyone to hit on you?”
He shook his head softly, pushing his hair out of his face. “I uh, I was framed for murder and in prison for 3 months. I haven’t really had a conversation with anyone I don’t work with in a while.”
“Oh,” she didn’t look surprised or scared. “That makes sense.”
“What does?”
“You’re soft,” she leaned in to press her hand against his chest once more, eye level with him now. Seeing his eyes dart from her lips to her eyes every few seconds as he licked his lips. “You don’t look like you want to hurt anyone, but something about your aura is changing. You know how to protect yourself now, and you’re stuck thinking you’re still in danger.”
“How can you tell all that just from looking at me?” He asked softly.
“If I showed up at any other man’s door with a bottle of alcohol and the offer of a night alone, I would have been pushed against that door the second we got here,” she explained. “You respect me, almost a little too much.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” His face was soft and curious and proving her point.
“You see me as a person, but I can tell you’re touch starved. Every time I get close to you, it’s like you don’t want me to move away,” her voice was barely a whisper as she leaned in even closer to him.
She could feel his breath on her face, her nose was close enough to brush against his as she stared at his lips, “but you won’t make the first move. You want to protect me from you.”
He nodded his head lightly before rubbing the tip of his nose against hers and making her smile. He let out a sigh, relaxing his shoulders as she straddled his lap, leaning him back against the couch. He bit the bullet and let his hands rest on her hips, looking at her softly in the hopes it was okay.
“Tell me?” She begged, holding his tie in her hands, running it through her fingers as she waited. “What do you want? What you miss? Let me be that for you,” she begged.
“Anything,” he finally tells her. “Just touch me.”
She loosened his tie, freeing his neck finally. She slowly undoes every single button on his shirt, untucking the hem from his pants as she opens it up.
Her fingers are warm on his skin, but he still gasps at the touch. Her fingers were so soft, like angel kisses as the pads of her fingers traced the skin. Gliding over every freckle, raking through his chest hair, bumping along the barely-there abs.
His thumbs rubbed against her bare thighs, where he held her lightly. “You can touch me too,” she whispered.
His hands travelled up to her waist, he gently pulled her in closer. No longer resting on his legs, but pressed close to his chest. Her hands landed on his shoulders, looking down at him with nothing but pure lust as her breathing hitched.
She cupped his face, gliding her thumbs along his cheeks softly as she stared at his lips. He opened his mouth to breathe, his bottom lip was plump and beautiful and she couldn’t help herself from rubbing her thumb over it.
He kissed her thumbprint before taking it in his mouth, sucking on it softly making her hips buck into his lightly. The suction on her thumb was more erotic than she expected, the feel of his hot mouth, his wet tongue swirling around it before he let her go with a pop.
She accidentally let out a moan that excited him, “like that?”
She immediately felt her heartbeat in her clit, she nodded feverishly. Suddenly at a loss for words, wondering where this Spencer suddenly came from.
“How far are we taking this?” He asked softly. “We can stop and order that pizza at any time?”
There he was, the soft and sweet man that she brought here in the first place. “Pizza is even better after sex,” she couldn’t stop the giggle from erupting from her, even as she bit her lip.
He smiled at her like she was the world. A complete stranger making him feel more than anyone had in the last year. “I’m going to need longer than it takes to deliver a pizza,” he admitted.
“Luckily they’re open late,” she compromised, leaning in and finally kissing him.
It was soft at first, then he pulled her in even closer. She was chest to chest with him as he breathed her in deeply. She melted into his grasp as if he had just stolen her soul right out of her body.
She was his now.
She kept his face in her hands, holding him as he broke the kiss to explore her jaw. Kissing every inch of her neck and chest as she gripped his hair, making him moan as she used her nails to comb through the long locks.
“Does that feel nice?” She cooed, running her nails along his scalp as he tilted his head back.
“My favourite thing,” he explained as he closed his eyes, letting her repeat the same motion again and again.
He looked so peaceful, running his hands over her back and sides softly as she massaged him. She leaned in and kissed his cheeks, the tip of his nose, both eyelids and his forehead.
He wanted her to touch him everywhere, her delicate touch made him feel worthy for once. Every self-hatred of his washed from his body as she explored him with care, care only one would receive if they were a most prized possession.
He felt loved.
It was overwhelming, he didn’t realize a tear had slipped down his cheek until she was wiping it from his skin. Shushing him softly before kissing him quickly on the lips.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, embarrassed.
“It’s okay, what’s on your mind beautiful?” She asked softly as she brushed through his hair once more.
“I just,” he looked in her eyes ever so innocently. “I’m not used to feeling cared for, no one pays attention to me this way.”
“That’s shameful,” she looked utterly perplexed. “Look at you? You’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re powerful. You’re kind and lovely and soft?”
“But I’m also weird and too much to handle,” he interjected.
“Not to me,” she corrected him. “this morning you could have said nothing in the elevator, you could have driven by yourself and awkwardly waited till I was finished my work. But you didn’t, you had a conversation with me, you helped me many times, you cared about me making it back here safely and you didn’t even know me. You’re a special kind of person Doctor Reid, and anyone who doesn’t see it is an idiot.”
He pressed his lips together in an awkward smile and furrowed his brow, “do you ever give out parts of yourself to everyone because you know how hard it is to feel appreciated?”
“All the time,” she laughed softly. “But not now.”
“Me either,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
“I’ll make you a deal, you tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done and I’ll tell you mine,” she offered. “Even the playing field.”
“How so?”
“Right now you think I’m super nice and kind right? And I just told you how I feel about you, but you hate yourself and outside of here I hate myself too. Share a secret, we can be fucked up together,” she smiled.
“In order to keep myself safe in prison, I poisoned a batch of heroin and almost killed a lot of people,” he responded without thinking.
“Okay,” she was a little shocked that he gave in so fast. “One time I stabbed a guy who tried to touch me after I pushed him off me twice already. He didn’t die, it barely even went in.”
“Both are technically self-defence,” he shrugged.
“See?” She smiled. “You’re not as bad and scary as you think you are. You’re smart and cunning.”
“Are you sure you’re not a therapist?” He teased her, “because this has been better for me than any therapy appointment I’ve ever gone to.”
She laughed again, kissing him softly. “I think it would be against the rules for your therapist to do this, I guess that’s why some men cheat.”
“How so?” He just liked listening to her speak.
“It’s easier to be open with someone you’ll never see again than it is with your therapist or wife because there are no consequences. They can’t judge you or hold anything against you, they do what you paid them for and they leave,” she explained herself.
“I’d like to see you again,” his voice barely a whisper. “If you’d like that?”
She nodded softly, “maybe I’ll move back to Virginia, finally.”
“Is that where you’re from?”
“Born and raised. I moved to Albuquerque with my girlfriend 5 years ago, and she left me about 2 years ago now,” Y/N explained. “I liked my job too much to move all the way back there and start over.”
“I can put in a good word for you where ever you want,” he offered before he could stop himself from looking too desperate.
“I’ll look into it,” she smiled.
He kissed the centre of her chest again before pulling her into a hug. Hearing her heart beating in her chest softly as she pressed her cheek to the top of his head and rubbed her hand over his back. Soothing him so completely, he felt beyond amazing.
And then she was gone, pulling back from him and standing up. “Wh-?” Before he could even ask, she was lifting her shirt off.
He stared at her breasts, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She walked over to the bar, taking another shot before she pushed her shorts down and climbed onto the bed. Completely naked in under a minute.
He stood then, pushing the opened shirt off his shoulders and immediately undoing his belt. He took a condom from his wallet before kicking off his shoes, dropping his pants and underwear to the floor and stepping out of them.
She was laying back against the pillows when he crawled over her, resting his naked body against hers ever so slightly. She just smirked as she looked up at him, “hi.”
“Hello,” he whispered.
“What do you want?” She asked.
“You.”
He kissed her softly on the lips, or at least he planned to. Y/N wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him down against her. Swiping her tongue across his bottom lip, begging to make out with him, finally.
Grabbing and tugging at each other as everything started to heat up, she could feel his erection against her leg as he ground down on her. Sucking on his tongue, lightly making him moan into her mouth.
His hair kept tickling her face, every time she’d push it away it would just fall right back against her skin. She pulled him off by his hair, gasping for air as they stared at each other again.
“Can I be on top?” She asked lightly.
He wrapped his arms under her, holding her close as he rolled over. Watching her settle more onto her knees as she sat on his hips. “Better?”
“Much,” she said as she sat up, taking a hairband off her wrist and putting her hair up. Raising her arms in a way that made her tits perk up. He reached up and cupped them, rubbing his thumb lightly across her nipples before giving them a squeeze.
She just laughed as she finished her ponytail, “having fun?”
“Absolutely,” he smiled up at her.
His hands followed the curve of her body, from her boobs to her waist and down over her hips. She was stunning, confident, everything he ever wanted and more.
She found the condom in the sheets, the bright purple packaging making it easy to see. She played with it in her hands, seeing how long it would take before he got desperate, but he never did.
“How long have you had this?” She asked, trying to tease him.
“Not long,” he was honest. “I just got out of prison, remember?”
“So you haven’t had sex since before you went in?” She looked excited.
“No, why?”
She smiled, “so I’m taking your free man’s virginity.”
“I don’t think that’s a thing?”
“It is now,” she giggled before leaning down to kiss him once more.
Trailing kisses down his neck, stopping only to suck a mark near his Adam’s apple. Hearing the sweet little gasps he made every time her tongue came in contact with his skin. She kissed his clavicle, his shoulder and down his chest. Making her way across his abs and over his lower tummy.
He gripped the sheets, not knowing what she had planned or where she was going. Spreading his legs, she kissed his groin, his right hip bone and the inside of his thighs. He couldn’t believe it, the way she explored him so delicately.
She ignored his cock for a while, kissing and sucking at any and all the visible skin she could find. He felt her smile against his thigh then, getting closer and closer before she took his cock in her hand and kissed the base.
He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, settling into the bed like water filling a glass, he was liquid in her hands. Her mouth was a blessing and she chose him to worship.
“Fuck,” he moaned as she took all of him as far as she could. Dragging her tongue along the shaft as she pulled back up. Swirling her tongue around the tip before taking him all the way in once more.
She pulled off with a pop, sitting up now with his dick still in her hands. She tore the condom open with her teeth, taking the package off and rolling it over him.
His dick bounced back against his stomach when she let go of it, hard enough that it had a mind of its own now. She bit her lip as she lifted herself over him more, setting herself down softly where it laid against him.
The head of his cock brushed her clit as she ground down on him, his hands found her hips once more as he instinctively helped her find a rhythm.
He could feel how wet she was, the way she glided over him so easily. Her breath hitching every time her hips bucked, she was enjoying herself. It made him even more excited. She leaned back down then, kissing his neck once more as she continued to push down on him.
“I need you,” Spencer gasped.
She smiled against his skin, lifting her hips enough for him to line up with her before she started to sink down on it. He watched himself disappear inside of her, feeling the way she took him in like he was always meant to be there.
“Fuck,” she gasped as she sat down fully, her hands resting on Spencer’s stomach as she tried to get used to it all. Listing herself up and down little by little to get the rhythm going again.
Spencer pulled her back in again, arching her back so she could bounce easier. She held him close, tucking her face into the crook of his neck as she started to move faster and faster on him. Hearing his breathing pick up as his grip tightened on her asscheeks.
She kept one hand in his hair as her other hand reached for her clit, pleasuring herself slightly the way she knew she liked it. “Jesus Christ,” she whispered against his skin as she fucked him.
It had never felt like this before, it was so personal for the first time. They worked together perfectly, not having to communicate at all, following the other person’s rhythm like a well-oiled machine with a task.
He felt her everywhere. Her hands in his hair, her lips on his neck. The way her hot breath tickled right under his ear as she tried to catch her breath against him. The way she pulled off him and sucked him back in, again and again, her breasts against his chest and her ass in his hands.
He couldn’t believe it. That a real human being cared about and appreciated him, even after learning his worst secret. She was special and different and everything he needed.
He could feel himself getting closer, wanting to savour every moment with her that he could. His hands roamed her back, over her shoulders and arms. He wanted to touch every single inch of her while he had the chance.
“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek and resting her open mouth against his.
They weren’t kissing, they were panting over each other with their foreheads resting together. Euphoria filling the empty spaces between them as she came, gasping and shaking violently over him.
“Fuck,” he groaned, bending his knees and driving into her a few more times before he finished.
She tugged on his hair then, biting his bottom lip as she felt him twitch inside of her. Letting out the smallest gasps and whimpers as she pulled her hand out from between them and pushed herself off him.
Dropping her body against his, resting her head on his chest as they caught their breath.
He wrapped his arms around her, holding her in a hug as he repeatedly kissed the top of her head. “Thank you,” he was still out of breath as he said it.
She smiled, laughing against his skin again as she hugged him back.
He woke up to the sun in his eyes and the feeling of lips against his skin. He blinked as gained consciousness, finding Y/N laying against his chest again. Her face in his heck where she was placing lazy kisses, trying to wake him up nicely.
“Good morning?” His voice was groggy and deep, it made her smile against his skin. A feeling he didn’t realize he missed so much during the night.
“What time is your flight back?”
“10:30, why?” He asked softly, rubbing his hand over her back softly.
She held him tighter, breathing him in deeply as she did so. Not wanting to let him go any time soon, “it’s 9:45.”
“Is it bad I’m hoping there’s a secret serial killer in Albuquerque?”
She laughed again, sitting up this time so she could look at him again. “Maybe I’ll come to visit my parents soon a find a reason to stay in Virginia?”
“I’d like that,” he smiled, pulling her into a kiss. Never wanting it to be the last one.
He waited till the last possible moment to finally peel himself out of her grasp, trying to find all his clothes and belongings from the night before
He kissed her quickly at the door before taking off down the steps and back to the room he was supposed to be sharing with JJ. He knocked on their door lightly, hoping to every god on earth she hadn’t left yet.
She opened the door and just stared at him with her mouth open, “oh my god?” She laughed.
“What?” He asked, completely oblivious to how he looked.
JJ dragged him inside, pulling him towards a mirror and pointing at his reflection. “What happened to you?”
His hair was a mess, he had hickeys all over his neck. His shirt was barely buttoned, definitely not untucked and he didn’t even have his shoes on. “oh.”
“Oh?” JJ couldn’t believe it. “Who is she?”
“Um, the ME from this case,” he explained, scratching the back of his head as he squinted.
JJ just laughed then, “hurry up and look somewhat presentable, pretty boy, the team is going to eat you alive for this.”
Sure enough, when he finally sat in his little corner of the plane with his glasses on and a hickey still visible above his collar, all eyes were on him. No one wanted to ask, they all just made it abundantly clear that they were curious.
Alvez even took a photo to send to Penelope, who sent it to Derek, who texted Reid only 20 minutes into the flight asking who she was. He rolled his eyes and put his phone back in his pocket. About to get really pissed when a second text came in.
555-0623: if you’re still serious about that recommendation, there is a spot available at the DC medical examiner’s office… I’d probably be closer to you than your therapist’s office 💋
He smiled then, saving her number and starting his letter.
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stylistiquements · 3 years
Text
Day 1 : Soap Bubbles.
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𐐪𐑂 Pairing : Sapnap x fem!reader {Playlist}
𐐪𐑂 Summary : You're being introduce to the internet in a peculiar way, it's up to you to decide what you're going to do with it.
𐐪𐑂 Word count : 1.4k | W: written part underneath
𐐪𐑂 Warning : very few swears
Masterlist | Previous | Next
.・゜゜・  ・゜゜・   .・゜゜・  ・゜゜・
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The coffee that sinks inside your stomach brings out a grimace and a click of your tongue where the taste stains; too bitter, too acidic but you’ll drink it anyway and to the last drop; there is something about the idea of spending time with three best friends that is so made of spring and honey that you wish to miss none of it.
“Someone is lurking,” George contemplates out loud, and the call goes silent for a second as if to look for the intruder. And it would so easy to flinch, to hit the back pedal, because you almost feel like one being exposed front stage like that. But today- today is not that day.
It's not that you don't want to join the discussion, it's that it takes a second to warm up, to absorb the energy and become one with it.
And sometimes, all it takes is Sapnap to exclaim, “Panini head, my beloved!” for your smile synchronizes with his chuckles. Somehow, once noticed by the right person, life flows back naturally.
George and Dream greets you in trailing unison, like two kids forced to greet their unwelcomed aunt on a sunday afternoon.
“H-hey troublemakers,” you finally say. Your voice is still quiet, not reluctant, but rather uncertain. It doesn't bother anyone.
“I’m beating Dream’s ass at chess and he’s bitter,” Sap explains, and you silently nod, as if they were able to see you.
A long silence follows along, rythmed by clicks of mouses and keyboards and it falls in your ears like high droplets. It's comfortable. It's intimate, shared with friends only.
"We haven't heard from you in a while," Dream says. "I mean ... before the clout fiasco."
You wouldn't exactly call it a fiasco, even though you don't really like the idea of being perceived a little too closely from the eyes of twitter.com, but you do agree anyway, "I've been caught up on college essays lately."
"That sucks," George probably adds.
“Good thing you’re here, then,” Dream notes, simple as a breath. “This is a worry-free zone.”
It hovers for a second, carried by George’s approval hum.
You squint suspiciously, detective mode, at the profile pictures that light on and off before your eyes, “Thanks, dream.”
He scoffs a “sure” and you’re not sure why you sense a bit of irony stuck on the back of his teeth. You're so tempted to call him out, but you don't. Instead, you write a mental note of this odd moment.
“It’s because I told him about your three brothers and now he’s scared they’re gonna find him and kick his ass,” Sap explains as if he just read your mind.
Sometimes, there’s this thing in the air, though you’re miles away. Something like a connection. There’s this thing when you don’t need to talk for Sap to understand. Sharing one brain cell, you dismiss ironically. Probably coincidences and predictability, but it always sounds a little special, a little like something you’d wish to be out of this world, like morning dew and fairy circles. And it makes you feel safe, at home, just like snuggling up in the sheets during a stormy night. Your smile washes up the sleeve of your hoodie, covered palm carefully hiding your chuckles.
“Three older brothers,” George muses, and there’s no telling if it’s something meant for you to hear. “That’s kinda scary.”
“You better be scared, one of them is probably your FBI agent,” you tease mindlessly, though there's nothing scary about those three grown men.
“I’m British, Bunny,” he points out. Whether the exasperation in his tone is fake or genuine, that, you can’t tell, but you play it cool, grin carved so deep it almost hurts. Dream’s wheezes rise and fall in the background.
“Say that to his face then,” you outbid smirkingly after a second of silence, heels growing into the carpet to make your chair spin slowly left and right, so breezily.
“I’d praise you for the rest of my life if you-Oooooooh your ass is wacked. Your ass is so wacked, dude. You fucked up so bad,” Sapnap chokes out between strings of giggles.
“Oh no, my streamer is losing his game?” You theatrically pout. “My streamer Dreamwastaken, have you met him? Guess you don’t need any of my brothers to kick your ass.”
“Okay yeah- no- it’s not my fault if your- they’re distracting me, okay?” Dream defends.
Slowly, the energy lowers again and the call remembers peace as Dream admits defeat.
“I’m not playing against you anymore,” he mumbles through greeted teeth, your hoodie shelters a muffled giggle. “Let’s talk about y/n’s twitter fame instead.”
“Let’s just not-” you mutter, both because seeing Dream lose at something is a miracle that has to be witnessed once and because you’re somewhat reluctant. “Let’s just not talk about that.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea it would draw this much attention to you,” Sap admits.
“Well, you talk about her all the time it was only a matter of time before twitter finds out,” George taunts and you secretly smile, listening to the way your best friend tries to defend himself, mind flooded with the last memories you have of when you were able to see those chuckles for real.
“Yeah, Quackity already told me you guys talk behind my back,” you fakely muse. “That’s totally fine, I don’t wanna know what you guys are talking about at all.” It’s a lie, obviously, the idea creeps upon your mind with assumptions you can’t quite get a grip of nor let go.
“You and Quackity talk?’ Sapnap asks, hint of surprise, and you hum.
“Or rather, he talks to me. He keeps calling-.” Shit. The forsaken word traps itself into your mouth. It’s too silly anyway.
“Come on, just say it,” Dream pushes as if he knew too much, more than you even do, and your cheeks flush mindlessly. You don’t notice.
“Dream, quit it!” You demand.
“Quit what?”
“You talk as if you knew more than anyone did.”
“Maybe I just do,” he coos, so dream-like.
Oblivious or careless, Sapnap asks, “Is Quackity bothering you or something?”
“He-" you begin but stop to look for the right way to put it, "He triggers my flight or fight response.”
"I mean, duh," Sapnap probably rolls his eyes.
"But I like him. He's funny."
After a second of silence, George says, “Well that was unexpected.”
“Not so much, I think we’re both chaotic neutral people.”
“What is that neutral chaotic thing anyway?” Dream is confused.
Roll up your sleeve girl boss because now is your time to shine! You offer your best dream smp alignment chart to the classroom. They're speechless, but they listen carefully.
"Then you're more chaotic good than neutral. You're too sweet anyway," Sap says.
"I'd even say lawful good," George debates.
"That's because you haven't seen Bunny during her crazy cat hour."
"True," you note.
"She'll go absolutely batshit."
“What?" George burst between confusion and surprise. "We've never seen you like that."
"A lady never reveal her secrets," you retort. No one answer.
It leaves a second for your mind to enjoy peace. For your eyes to lay on c!tubbo on lawful good and think true, then on c!dream on chaotic evil and think also very true. You huff and it's like a wave; as sarcasm leaves your breath, an idea comes in.
"Sap, check your DMs," you request.
Surrounded by the evening lull, Sapnap’s laugh pops like soap bubbles, "God, you’re so stupid. Why can't you just marry me?"
“So, is it Sapnap approved?” You chuckle lightly to prevent Sapnap’s morning fresh laugh to fill your chest and leak everywhere.
“Just press ‘send tweet’ please,” he confirms with leftovers of a smile in his voice.
"George, get me out of here. They're doing it again," Dream whines.
"Doing what?" He asks, unbothered.
"Act like they're alone in the convo. Just get a room." And you don't get to stand up for yourself that you and your best friend are actually sent to another room.
"Well this one is chaotic evil confirmed," you mumble as you roll your eyes but the vibes are much peaceful, much more comfortable in here. "So ... hi."
"Hi," he chuckles in return.
Maybe that's for the best; a moment that needs to stay a little timeless, secretive and special. It hasn't happened in so long, you don't even remember the last time it did.
"I'm glad you're here. I miss you, you know?" He says, and it's hard to not feel so bittersweet about it. It's hard when longing involves a craved touch, a real smile and an eye contact. Your shoulder sinks in the chair a little harder.
"I miss you too. I'll be here soon," you promise. And soon couldn't come any sooner.
But the conversation, soft and free, will wash up any worries, as always, and you'll end up talking about everything and nothing, about streams and planned videos and college and god knows what. As long as it makes the two of you happy and smiling. Just like the old days, you'll both think and it's fair to say until the evening turns into night and night turns into fatigue.
"Are you sure you're okay about that clout?" He asks once again. "I know you don't like being exposed like that."
"Yeah, yeah don't worry too much about it. I'll try to make good use of it."
"I'm sure you will," he murmurs, but oh boy did he not know what was about to come until you two meet.
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.・゜゜・  ・゜゜・   .・゜゜・  ・゜゜・
Taglist : @open-minded-chip-101 ; @itsoakaa ; @gaysludge
A/N : so first of all it has come to my attention that 129 days from now on is actually my birthday so that's a weird coincidence lol. Hi how are you guys?? welcome to the first part I hope you liked it. I'm fairly new to the mcyt community and that's the first time I write for them, so bear with me. Feedbacks are always appreciated. Until next time (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)
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calaofnoldor · 3 years
Text
Sixth Time’s the Charm [4]
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(GIF credit: @teamfreewill-imagine)
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Characters: Sam x F!Reader, Dean
Words: 6,107
Series Summary: All the times Dean has tried to get Sam to admit his feelings for you. (Each chapter can be read as a stand-alone.)
Chapter Summary: You offer yourself as bait for a shapeshifter hunt. Things do not go as planned.
Warnings: canon level violence, language, idiots in love, mutual pining, huffy!sam, protective!sam, slight angst?, slow burn, fluff
A/N: i am SO sorry for the wait (story of my life) but to make up for it, look, 6k words! (yeah i’m sorry about that too, i don’t know what happened there.) written for @tvdspngirl314‘s birthday writing event with the prompt “You ever feel like that? Like you were just destined for someone?” which is bolded in the fic. this also fills a square for @spnfluffbingo​!
Square Filled: Rescue Mission
← BACK UP | MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST
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The fourth time was all you. Dean barely had to lift a finger. The result, however, was far more traumatic than he had planned and rather emphatically revealed the magnitude of his brother’s feelings toward you.
Much like the previous attempts, there was a case: a shapeshifter going after women who conveniently happened to fit your description. The strategy was obvious, and you’d leaped at the opportunity to both make yourself useful and hopefully take the place of what would have otherwise been the next innocent civilian victim. But of course, Sam resisted at first.
“No. Absolutely not! We don’t know enough about this guy for you to just jump into his waiting arms, Y/N!” The fervent indignation in his tone and body language was palpable. Sam was rarely one to raise his voice or sport much of a temper at all really, but lately these heated outbursts seemed to be occurring more frequently, and frankly you were getting sick of it. The false hope they momentarily granted you through the notion that perhaps he cared about you as more than a friend was one thing. What’s more, the way his voice lowered half an octave combined with the sight of his flared nostrils, puffed chest, and straining jaw always seemed to have a sideways effect on you, in that it was impossible to keep your attention on his words alone. But boy did you try.
“Sam, how many times do we have to go through this? I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself. And your wrist is still healing so it’s not like you can call the shots on this one anyway. Besides, I’m not going in alone. You and Dean will be there for backup the whole time, right?”
“’Course we will, eh Sammy?” In a strange turn of events, Dean often appeared to be the one with a more jovial outlook recently.
Sam merely nodded and continued his heavy breathing. He glared down at his bandaged left wrist, the result of skirmish with a couple of wraiths, as if it were the root of all his problems. Then he looked up and through densely drawn brows, those magnetizing multicolored eyes pierced yours, his countenance bearing a charged and sullen expression of pensive exasperation as his jaw visibly tightened. You swallowed and could not for the life of you find the will to look away.
“So it’s settled then,” Dean proclaimed jubilantly, “Unless… you’ve got another reason you don’t want Y/N playing bait, hmm Sam? Maybe something you wanna share with the class? Or, you know, I could leave…”
“Dean, stop it. You’re not helping,” you quickly admonished before steadying your gaze back on the taller Winchester, “Look, Sam, have I ever let you down?”
“No. Never.”
“And do you still trust me?”
“Of course,” he responded immediately in a ‘what-kind-of-a-question-is-that’ tone, at which you simply raised your eyebrow to send him a reciprocating ‘then-what’s-the-problem?’ look.
“OK fine,” Sam huffed out a big breath, “But you’re not taking any risks! Anything seems off at all, just… promise me you’ll wait for me and Dean and keep us in the loop?”
His pleading eyes were so earnest and you’d truly never been able to say no to the giant puppy before, so you offered him a little smile and said, “Cross my heart.”
Sighing, Sam rubbed his face, looking lost in thought for a moment until he spoke up again, much more reserved and hesitant this time, “Do you still have that uh… ring from… that time?” Dean muffled a snort at his brother’s expense but you both ignored him, completely accustomed to his nonsensical teasing by now.
“Uh yeah, I- I think so.” The uncertainty in your voice was a lie. Of course you still had the ring you’d once used to pretend to be married to Sam Winchester. You may or may not have tucked it away in a special place for safekeeping.
“Good,” Sam nodded curtly, “I want you to wear it. It’s silver. I’ll wear mine too and Dean already has his. That’s how we’ll know that we’re still… ourselves.”
“OK, yeah that’s a good idea,” you agreed, trying your hardest not to linger on the memories.
“Well look at you two! Getting hitched again so soon-“
“Shut up, Dean,” you and Sam cut him off together.
When the meeting was adjourned and you were about to part ways to prepare for the upcoming hunt, something inside you forced you to call out his name, “Oh and Sam!” He turned around at once, questioning gaze somewhat urgently searching yours for a sign of what might come next. You stuttered though, feeling suddenly self conscious, so the next words you uttered were not much louder than a whisper, “Be careful with your wrist.”
Sam smiled, his dimples making your fingers twitch with the need to caress them. “I’ll be fine. You just look out for yourself. Remember, we’ll be right behind you.”
Somehow you both didn’t hear the groan Dean emitted as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling and prayed to whoever was listening, ‘Good lord, someone give me the strength to survive another day with these imbeciles.’
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There was only one diner in the tiny Pennsylvanian town, and seeing as you were starving by the time you got there, the three of you were forced to make do with soggy fries and questionable milkshakes. As you ate, you went through your game plan once more, which essentially consisted of waiting until nightfall to visit the bar from where the previous girls had gone missing, while Sam and Dean shadowed you covertly.
Before you left, you took a quick trip to the loo and when you returned, Sam was stood outside alone, a broad smile upon his face.
“Where’s Dean?” you asked as you began to walk out the diner, expecting to find the older brother waiting impatiently in the parking lot by his precious car, but the Impala was gone.
“He went back to the motel, said he had something to take care of and that we should go scope the place out first.”
“But I thought we agreed to-“
“Yeah, well change of plans, you know how it is,” Sam replied casually with a shrug.
Little red flags started fluttering in your head, urging your eyes downward to locate the silver band on his finger. You frowned when you found it there untouched on his right hand; Sam almost never interrupted you, not even when he was absorbed in the foulest of moods.  
Apparently sensing your hesitation, he added, “I mean, he made a good point. Maybe if you familiarize yourself with the surroundings first, you’ll be able to take the guy out faster.”
Sam was still smiling at you, but it felt all wrong. You couldn’t explain it, but there was something missing from his rainbow eyes. The colors were all there, but they lacked luster and warmth, a delicate twinkle that you’d learned to associate with the beautiful, heroic yet self-doubting giant of a man. Never had you seen that breathtaking magic replicated elsewhere, nor had you ever seen Sam without it, which was why you were almost completely certain that the man before you was not the real Sam Winchester.
But weaving within you was a thread of doubt, insisting that you couldn’t just pull a gun on your best friend because of something as trivial as… a feeling? No, you needed to test your theory. And so, bracing yourself with a deep breath, you slowly reached out your silver-equipped hand to do something you’d grown accustomed to resentfully abstaining from: touching Sam’s bare skin. You aimed for the large target of his hand, deeming it the most inconspicuous of places (given that he was wearing his hunters’ uniform and the only other visible option would’ve been his face or neck), but Sam was faster. Just before you were able to graze his skin with your ring, he caught your wrist in his much bigger hand and pulled it away, twisting your arm until it was locked painfully behind you.
“You think you’re smart, huh?” the shifter snarled with a flash of its eyes, moving in real close as he used Sam’s immense size and his own superhuman strength to easily constrain you.
Even so, you stared up at him defiantly, unafraid, “Sam and Dean will be back.”
“That’s the plan.”
Sam’s sneering face and threatening voice were the last things you saw or heard.
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You had no way of determining how much time had passed when you unceremoniously came to in what looked and smelled to be an underground sewer. As your senses sharpened and your muddled brain began to size up your current plight, you nearly scoffed at the clichéd style of your captor. Sat on a peeling wooden chair, manila rope bound your wrists together behind your back and tethered your ankles securely to each of the seat’s front legs.
Ignoring the ache in your head, you set about strategically testing the knots and the integrity of the wood. If only you could reach the silver blade in your boot. But your attempts were interrupted by the reappearance of the shifter, whose shoe hit something as he stepped before you. A metallic clang echoed through the confined space as a result and you followed the sound to find your coveted knife on the ground, far beyond your reach.
“Fucking hunters, always think they’re so clever, always one step ahead because it’s their game. Sure, we might be the monsters but you’re the predators! So let’s see how you like being the prey for once.” Shifter Sam’s upper lip curled up in a way that seemed so foreign to you as he leaned forward to rest his hands on either arm of your chair, caging you in.
The malicious glint in his eye left you with no qualms about affronting this being who, for all intents and purposes, appeared identical to the man you’d recently discovered you were in love with. Lifting your chin, you glared up at him brazenly, “If you’re so keen on being the predator then why am I still alive? What are you waiting for?”
“Why your knight in shining armor of course!” he exclaimed, backing up as he stood to his full height and gestured to himself with both hands. “You think it was a coincidence that all those women looked like you?”
The shifter’s narrowed eyes were alight with amusement and a ripple of fear surged through your body. You were in much deeper than you or the boys had anticipated, though years of practice helped you keep your voice steady and bold, “What did you do to them?”
“Oh, I gave them a fairly painless death, don’t you worry. They were just stepping stones on my way to you. See, the Winchesters owe me a girlfriend, so I figured I’d take the closest thing to theirs. But imagine my joyous surprise when I got into this big lug’s head and discovered that he’s in love with you! No, actually it’s more than that. He’s obsessed with you; you never leave his brain! Every other thought and memory is about you... Well, it’s either you or his brother, but oh, it’s gonna kill him to see you die before his eyes. I might’ve been able to replace my dead girlfriend, but I don’t think Sam here will ever come back from losing you.”
Stunned into silence, the stupid influx of misguided hormones pumping through your veins forced you to focus on maintaining a neutral expression as he rattled on.
“And you feel the same way, don’t you? So this really will be a double kill. It’s OK, you can let it all out. I might be a monster but I’m not one to deny the dying their chance for some last words. Besides, you can say it all while looking into the eyes of the man you love.”
“Fuck you,” were the only words you could trust yourself to spit out at him.
‘Sam’ laughed, but it was nothing like the laughs you normally pulled from him. It didn’t radiate like sunshine or replenish your soul with glee. Rather, it was chilling and conniving and despite the mimicry of Sam’s beautiful voice, you immediately decided that you never wanted to hear it again.
“Not feeling too talkative, huh? Or maybe you’d rather wait until he gets here in the flesh to make that anticlimactic confession of love? That’s alright, I can just tell you more about this dumbass’s feelings for you.” The shifter chuckled with delight, as if every word brought him nothing but pure joy. “Man, he loves you so much, it’s insane. I’ve never been inside the skin of someone so in love. And I thought I really loved my ex. Afterall, this whole revenge thing is for her. But I gotta tell ya, I’ve got nothing on Sam Winchester. Did you know he thinks you were made specifically for him? You ever feel like that? Like you were just destined for someone? Cause Sam does. That’s how he feels about you.”
“Why should I believe you?” you challenged, growing tired of the inadvertent response his words were eliciting. Your heart was pounding in your neck, core trembling at the mere possibility of Sam genuinely feeling the way he’d described. But you knew better than to trust a monster, and one who was in pursuit of maximal vengeance no less. Still, those rose-colored thoughts resonated within you, and you stumbled to dismiss them as they bubbled up, one after another like a game of emotional whack-a-mole.
Shifter Sam smirked, “Yeah, you’re a cynical one, aren’t you? You know everything he said in that marriage counseling session was true. You kinda hurt his feelings when you just brushed it all off. Even big brother Dean’s been trying to get him to confess his love for you. You must’ve heard them arguing about it at some point? They weren’t exactly being discreet.”
Choosing not to respond, you simply scowled at him.
“No? Still in denial? Perhaps you need details… You ever notice how he always sits across from you whenever you’re doing research? It’s because he thinks you’re gorgeous when you’re focused, and it gives him an opportunity to admire you without getting caught. And why do you think he lets you call him Sammy, huh? Yeah, he might not let it on but he fucking loves it when you do, makes him feel all tingly inside. And you remember that cop who hit on you? Captain Anderson, was it? Sam wanted to break the guy’s nose just for touching you. Oh and why do you think he asked you to move into the bedroom closest to his? It’s so he can keep track of your nightmares. He likes to keep you close because it makes him feel like he can protect you better when you need it.”
By now, your ‘neutral expression’ must have surely mutated to betray your shock, and you couldn’t have answered if you tried. The shifter didn’t seem to mind either way. In fact, he appeared to be having the time of his life.
“And it’s not all pure thoughts, let me tell you! Oh man, buddy boy here has dreamed up plenty of X-rated scenes with you, ranging from obnoxiously romantic to just plain obscene. You name a position and he’s imagined it, in high-definition detail,” he embellished, tapping an index finger against his temple, “His mind is like a library of pornos starring the two of you, although he’ll never get to live out any of his fantasies, will he? It’s a shame really; some of these are really hot... Ooh, I’ll have to borrow that one,” he said with closed eyes, as if a figment of Sam’s imagination was playing through his head in that very moment, “Maybe my girl and I can re-enact it while we’re still in your skins-”
“Shut up, just shut up!” you finally bellowed in protest.
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Sam watched the bathroom door attentively after you’d disappeared through it, unable to contain the upward jerk of his lips when he saw you walking back out of it. Heartwarming relief had become his body’s intrinsic response to seeing you safe and sound.
“You ready?” he questioned when you made it to his side.
“Yeah, I’m good.” God, even the sound of your voice made him happy.
Once you got back to the motel, Dean plopped down onto one of the full-size beds, exhausted from the drive. Within a matter of seconds, snores began to fill the room, and Sam chuckled under his breath as he sat down around a wobbly table with you to continue your research on the shifter’s victims, hoping to find something else that linked them together or a clue as to where they might’ve been taken.
It wasn’t long before you inhaled a revelatory gasp and abruptly clutched Sam’s wrist to show him what you’d found. But your grip was harsh, causing him to hiss in pain and do something he’d never before done: recoil from your touch.
“Oh, I’m sorry, does it still hurt?” you asked nonchalantly, smiling up at him innocently.
Worse than the pain in his fractured wrist was what felt like sirens blaring in his head. You were always hyper-cognizant of his injuries and exceedingly careful around them, sometimes even more so than himself. Sam looked you over subtly, eyes landing on the silver ring still upon your finger. Perhaps his mind had been playing tricks on him and all that tender attention he thought you’d shown him was simply a mirage of his own wishful thinking?
“It’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting it.” Sam sent you a tight smile, to which you responded with a dazzling one of your own. It was beautiful but something about it felt off. In the past, you apologized profusely if ever you found yourself the accidental cause of his discomfort, no matter how indirect or insignificant the case, but right now there wasn’t a single speck of concern in your eyes. Indeed, the more he looked into them, the more he struggled to recognize the person staring back at him.
In a flash, Sam had you up against the wall, a silver blade held against your neck. He looked down to see the metal sizzling there, burning your flesh, and cursed himself for failing to notice sooner.
The noise woke Dean from his slumber and what he saw when he opened his eyes was equal parts shocking and amusing. “Whoa! At least wait till I’m out of the room! And isn’t that a little kinky for your first time?”
“Dean, it’s not her. She’s not Y/N,” Sam grit out, “She’s wearing the ring but she’s not Y/N.”
His brother’s brows knit together as he rubbed the sleep from his emerald greens. “Wha- How did you know?”
“She was acting… weird.”
Dean scrambled off the bed, making a quick call on his phone to ensure you really were missing. He paled when a robotic voice over the line told him the number he was trying to reach was no longer in service.
It was then the shifter decided to speak up, “You know, the real Y/N would have liked this, you pressing her up against a wall?” she murmured suggestively.
“Shut up. Where is she?!” Sam slammed her body against the flimsy motel wall once more and dug the knife in a little deeper. In his panic-stricken state, he barely registered her remark, being driven entirely by a one-track mind at present.
Shifter Y/N grimaced slightly, glancing down at the knife, “Maybe if you stop cutting into me with that, I might consider telling you.”
“How did you get the ring?”
“Oh, this little thing? You like it? It’s imitation silver, but otherwise nearly identical to the one on the real Y/N’s finger. You see, we’ve been following you for a while now.”
“Who’s we? Where did you take Y/N?!” he demanded incessantly.
“My boyfriend’s got her, but don’t worry, he looks just like you so I’m sure she’ll find her accommodations to her liking,” she retorted with a smirk.
Sam’s heart lunged in his chest and his mind began whirring with endless possibilities of escalating dread. Had you been deceived and captured by a shifter pretending to be him? Were you being hurt or tortured by someone who looked exactly like him? How would you ever be able to look at him the same way again? Of course, you’d know it wasn’t Sam but the damage would still be done. You would forever remember his face as that of someone who once hurt you, who tried to kill you. That is, if Sam could make it to you in time.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get to see her one last time. That’s actually why I’m here, to take you to her when the time is right,” the shifter added casually.
“I will end your miserable fucking life! Tell me where she is right now!” Sam roared before pressing the blade further into her neck, the veins in his forearms ready to burst through his skin.
“Hey, hey! Sammy, ease up! We need her alive, alright?” Dean bounded over to his brother and after quite the struggle, managed to assuage him enough to release his vice grip and replace it with silver chains that shackled her to a chair.
“Sam, maybe we should also be asking ‘why’,” Dean mused as he fastened the end of a chain against one of the beds.
With a shake of his head, Sam avowed through grinding teeth, “I don’t fucking care. I have to get to her.”
“And what if it’s a trap?”
“Then I’ll find her myself.”
Dean scoffed in disbelief as he turned to his usually wise and level-headed little brother, “Oh yeah, and how’re you gonna do that? Where would you even start?”
“I don’t know!” Sam exclaimed in exasperation. Then, after a pause of desperate deliberation alleged, “Shifters like to make their lairs in sewers, right?”
Taking a step closer, Dean maintained his challenging tone, “So what are you gonna do, just wade through the entire town’s shit and piss until you find her?!”
“If that's what it takes, then yes!” Sam looked like he was about to eat his brother alive.
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” shifter Y/N interfered from her seated position before them, raising her chin to meet Sam’s eyes, “Don’t worry, handsome, I can tell you she feels the same way. But unfortunately, by the time you get to her, I don’t think she’ll be able to tell you herself. In fact, you’ll probably hardly recognize her anymore… so you might want to keep me around, if only as a souvenir of your soon-to-be-dead girlfriend.”
Sam couldn’t contain himself anymore. Despite looking like a carbon copy of you, the evil gleam in the shifter’s eyes made her easily differentiable, and so Sam held back nothing when he lunged across the distance, knife in hand ready to do some real damage. However, Dean pounced with him, having predicted his brother’s violent eruption and felt his shaking wrath, knowing a little too well just how rash he could be when it came to you. Still, it took all of Dean’s strength to pull Sam back, sending him a stern but knowing look once he did.
“Sam, stop!” His low voice rumbled as he went into authoritative big brother mode, “Listen to me, you wanna save Y/N? Well so do I, but this is not how we do it! Now I know it’s hard, but I need you to calm down, alright?”
Sam’s massive chest was practically at his chin as he heaved ginormous breaths. Though his body language was still offensive, his hazel eyes were filled with fear and devastation when they looked toward his brother, “Dean, if I don't get to her in time, I’ll...” Clenching his jaw, Sam made a fruitless attempt to calm his tremoring frame and quell his tumultuous emotions. What would he do? Sam wasn’t even sure himself. All he knew was that every cell in his being was currently screaming at him to get to you, to make sure you were safe and soothe away any of your pain. There was nothing he wouldn’t give in that moment to simply know you were alright and to hold you in his arms. He knew you could look after yourself, but for once he had a terrifying feeling that even you were in over your head, that you might actually need him this time, and he’d be fucking damned if he let you down.
“Woah! Hey, hey! Sammy, look at me! That ain’t gonna happen, alright? We’re gonna find Y/N and we’re gonna bring her home in one piece, you hear me? We’re the Winchesters, man! We’ve faced the end of the world. What’s a couple of shifters got on us?”
‘You,’ Sam thought, ‘They’ve got you.’ But he appreciated Dean’s pep talk nonetheless and nodded in response as a fresh surge of determination swelled within him.
“Alright then,” Dean nodded as well, “Why don’t you let me give her a go?”
As Dean’s silver blade cut into the detained shapeshifter, Sam flinched with every moan and howl of agony. He knew it wasn’t you, but she still had your voice and your perfect face. Yet not a second was wasted on the feeling of relief when they finally managed to get a location out of her. Sam nearly tripped over himself in his haste as he snatched the Impala’s keys and his gun before flying out of the room with a jumbled order for Dean to stay with the monster.
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“Well, if you’re not gonna admit your feelings for the giant lumberjack, I guess you’re right. Maybe I should stop yapping and get to prettying you up for that first and last date of yours, huh?” Shifter Sam prodded your cheek with a switchblade.
You said nothing. At this point, you had a sneaking suspicion that physical pain might be more bearable than the psychological torment your imprisoner had been so keen on. It was one thing for you to torture yourself by entertaining the slim possibility that Sam might return your feelings for him, but to hear such outrageous perceptions from a creature who could read the inside of his mind like a paperback novel, and conveyed with such tantalizing conviction… well, it just about broke you.
And knowing that the shifter was yearning to coax a confession out of you simply to cause Sam as much anguish as possible made you more resolute about your refusal to submit, beyond the need to protect your own sanity.
One shiner and a slash to the thigh later, however, you heard a loud clash. Shifter Sam paused his handiwork and began to turn around, “Could your knight be here ahead of schedule?”
‘Dammit,’ you thought. The Winchesters were usually capable of being stealthy when necessary but in case it really was the sound of them making a blunder or encountering some other form of resistance, you figured you’d buy them a distraction.
“Wait, wait! You’re right, OK? Maybe I do feel something for Sam, but even if I told him, I think you’re forgetting… This is Sam fucking Winchester we’re talking about here. He’s been tortured by the devil himself. You really think killing me is going do much damage?”
Your abductor had now given you his full attention, leering at you with a sly smile, so you continued, “Besides, you picked a fight with the Winchesters; don't expect to live to see tomorrow.”
Right on cue, a hulking blur of hair and plaid came barreling in, growling ferally as he grabbed the shifter and threw more than one brutal punch against what appeared to be his own face. The silver ring on Sam’s hand made contact with skin and his shifter counterpart groaned in pain.
You nearly forgot about your ceaseless work of untying the rope that cuffed your wrists together as your looked on in shock. Why Sam hadn’t just shot him with a silver bullet was beyond you. He was smarter than this. There was no need to drag out a monster’s death if a more efficient option existed. But as he continued to engage his clone in hand-to-hand combat, it appeared almost as if he was venting his frustrations on the shifter, as if he drank up every ounce of hurt he was able to inflict. But his high only lasted so long and shifter Sam soon regained his balance, making use of his supernatural invulnerability and superior strength.
“Sam!” you screamed as the shifter threw him across the room.
He tumbled up just in time as the shifter meandered over, “So nice of you to join us, Sam. You know, Y/N here was just telling me about-“
Sam didn’t wait for him to finish, choosing instead to tackle him to the floor with a loud grunt. While they wrestled on the ground, you worked furiously at the knots behind you, wincing with every hit Sam took though it was becoming hard to tell them apart.
When Sam finally drew his gun, the shifter was able to divert its barrel and a shot rang out futilely. Catching a subsequent elbow to the ribs had Sam falling to his knees and you watched in horror as shifter Sam once again gained the upper hand, sending the gun flying out of Sam’s grasp. The binding around your wrists was just about undone when Sam seized a stray rusty pipe and swung it against his counterfeit. Shifter Sam was incapacitated for a brief instant but quickly returned to form with some vicious hooks and a couple of well-placed knees.
With your hands finally free of their restraints, you staggered over to the gun, the chair still attached at your ankles. As you took aim, you shouted, “Sam, get down!” before you shot his mirror image through the heart.
Sighing, you slumped to your hands and knees whilst the real Sam sat up with his back against a wall, gaping at you with a look of awe. Yet before he even caught his breath, he was up and gliding toward you, cradling his left wrist at an awkward angle.
“Sam, your wrist!”
“It’s fine, are you OK?” he swiftly dismissed your concern, cupping your face with his good hand as he examined the darkening bruise around your eye.
You ignored the palpitations in your chest and placed a hand upon his wrist, “Yeah, I’m fine. He wasted more time playing mind games than anything. You know villains and their monologues,” you joked, trying to ease his tension and the deluded self-imposed guilt you knew he must’ve been brewing in.
As if to prove your point, Sam lamented, “God, I’m so sorry. I should have known. I should have gotten here sooner.”
“What? No! They were miles ahead of us, Sam. The whole thing was a set up; this was their hunt. How could you have known?”
Rather than replying, he released a breath and busied himself trying to help you out of your binding.
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Back at the motel, after icing your eye and stitching up your thigh, you insisted on re-wrapping Sam’s wrist while Dean took care of shifter Y/N’s remains. But when the older Winchester returned and spied you and his brother sitting together on a bed through a crack in the door, he couldn’t resist the chance to exercise his espionage skills.
“How did you know she wasn’t me anyway?” you asked as you gently wound the ace bandage around Sam’s swollen forearm.
“I just…” He looked down at your nimble fingers upon his skin and smiled unwittingly at their tender touch, “had a feeling.”
Sam’s sunflower gaze locked onto yours for a frozen instant and something about his soft expression made you forget what words were, until he cleared his throat, “Did you um- did you know he wasn’t me?”
“Yeah,” you confirmed, smiling for some strange reason. Perhaps you were just glad to see his trademark twinkle return to those otherworldly eyes. “Pretty soon after actually. I… had a feeling too.”
Sam’s dimples made every ache in your body disappear as that twinkle glistened in full force, “And how’d you know which one to shoot?”
Well, that dampened your mood and brought you back to the task at hand, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you kept grimacing every time you used your left wrist?” Although your words had a bitter force behind them, the pressure beneath your fingertips never increased and Sam had almost completely forgotten about his pain.
You, on the other hand, were reminded of your struggle to reconcile with what had happened since his question prompted a restored and growing frustration.
It had been bugging you the whole time and you felt compelled to confront him about it because storming in alone with a bad wrist, ready to throw hands with an out-of-his-league monster was really not Sam’s style. Something must’ve gotten into him and with everything the shifter had told you, you couldn’t help but wonder. Nevertheless, you were a little afraid of how he might answer, so Dean had to lean in closer to hear your next words.
“Why didn’t you just shoot him?”
“W-what do you mean?” Sam stammered out after a pause.
“Sam, you have a broken wrist, but instead of sending Dean or using your gun from the get-go, you came in like a madman and went after him with your fists!” Your voice was full of incredulity though it also carried an undertone of anger.
As Sam picked up on that reproachful tone, you could almost feel the telltale signs of his puppy dog eyes coming on. “He used my face to deceive you, to hurt you. They manipulated us. I had to- ...I mean, he killed those women just to get us here. He had it coming!”
Your hopes plummeted. Of course, Sam was ever the righteous man. Why would you assume his brashness had been purely born out of a need to avenge you? Though regardless of his reason, you were still upset about his self-destructing behavior, “Yeah, but you had to have realized you were in no position to be the one to give it to him, right? I mean, you might’ve looked the same but he was juiced up on monster superpowers, Sam… which meant he was stronger and faster, not to mention uninjured, in his own territory, and apparently the only one with a sound plan.”
A breath of laughter left Sam’s lips though there was no smile on his face. Here he’d been on a mission to save you, but you were the one who’d ended up saving him, again. You must’ve thought he was comically stupid and pathetically useless. How could he possibly think he was worthy of you? “I guess I should thank you for saving my ass again, huh?”
“What?! No! That’s not what I mean. Sam, you’re the one who saved me! And I’m beyond grateful for it, really I am. I just wish you didn’t hurt yourself more in the process.” You finally finished up with his wrist wrap, securing the final ends with a clip, and letting your hands linger on his for longer than necessary, momentarily distracted by the disparity of size between them. Sam didn’t appear uncomfortable though, as his fingers twitched closer to yours and he made no move to pull away.
He couldn’t help but smile again when he noticed the sincere concern in your eyes that was previously absent in the shifter’s. “Yeah well, what was it you once said to me? ‘Your ass will always be worth it’?” 
“And if I remember correctly, you once told me you don’t do things on hunts that make your injuries worse,” you quoted him back with an arched brow.
“Yeah well, I guess this is payback. Now you know how I felt.” A playful grin made his dimples deepen and you clenched your jaw to refrain from gushing over the ridiculous cuteness of this ‘giant lumberjack’.
“You’re an idiot.”
“As long as you’re OK,” Sam answered assuredly, and you nearly melted when his free hand caressed your cheek for the second time that day, big thumb tracing a feather-light path below the purpled skin.
‘You’re both fucking idiots,’ Dean groaned internally from the other side of the door. He knew he had no choice but to up his game.
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thanks so much for reading! feedback is greatly appreciated!
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workofheart · 4 years
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can i request no. 4 with jean please??? i love you so much!!!
this one is so adorable, i’m so glad to have some love for jean boy finally <3 also slightly edited the line for flow purposes :3 update: HAS been edited 
while we’re out on watch | jean +“i don’t know if you noticed, but i’m in love with you”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。
the time when darkness submerges the land is always a beautiful one. from here, you can see the stars above flickering like throbs of a heart, growing minutely bigger and smaller in the black of the sky, almost able trace the invisible lines between them with a finger held out in front of you.
sighing, you pick your head up from where it rests on your palm, elbow on the edge of the barrier. you know you’ll fall asleep eventually if you keep it up.
the nighttime is a relief, even if the peace it brings is only a mirage for what lies just miles beyond. such is the reason why you’re sat in the watchtower, keeping guard while the others rest inside. if only you could be enjoying it by choice, when you’re not exhausted and in dire need of sleep, or at least had some company.
as if on cue, you feel his presence before you see it - the approaching echo of weighted footsteps on the earth is a familiar sound to your trained ears. you hear the wood squeak and his footfalls thump on the precarious rings below.
“jean?’ you ask, twisting to peer over your shoulder, voice quiet as to not disturb the sleepy air. it only takes a moment for his head to appear above the floor of the tower, followed by the rest of his body climbing inside.
“hi.” he smiles shyly, dusting the sawdust from the ladder off of his hands. his eyes crinkle, but there are deep hanging, purple circles beneath them, a stark juxtaposition from the way his pupils seem to sparkle with the slivers of moonlight that cross his gaze.
“what are you doing here? your shift isn’t for another...” you check your watch. “two hours.”
jean shrugs, nonchalant. “couldn’t sleep. thought i’d come early,” he says simply, pulling a dusty chair from the corner to place it next to yours. he admirably brushes off the dust and cobwebs that hang between the arm rests.
you think of maybe switching out, leaving now that he’s here. the lull of deep rest is so inviting, being able to collapse into a decent bunk, what a beautiful hope... but while you’re in desperate need of sleep, you know you can’t miss out on this chance. 
it’s so rare that you can get a moment alone with him when you’re constantly traveling with the scouts. there’s always someone bursting in the room, screaming across the hall, butting into your personal space. but then again, when has there ever been true privacy within the scout regiment?
so, you slump back into your chair, the wood digging into your back just uncomfortable enough to keep you from falling asleep. you’re glad to have him here.
“how’ve you been?” he asks, softly clearing his throat, “feel like i haven’t talked to you in forever.”
“that’s because it has been forever,” you laugh. “’been okay. you?”
“doin’ well, yeah. as much as you can be. and, oh,” he says, reminded of something from the expression that passes over his features. he leans forward and digs his hand into his coat pocket before presenting you a half of a bun sitting pretty in his palm.
your stomach growls audibly, making your face run hot in embarrassment. you take it graciously. “how’d you know?”
jean retreats his hands and looks down to his lap, not able to help the urge to pick at his nails. nervous habit. how could he not be, when you look so pretty and he has the sight all to himself?
“saw you didn’t eat earlier. just thought you might be hungry.”
he hopes it doesn’t sound creepy, even though when recalling how he was looking at you at dinner, it was, objectively, a little creepy. he prays you’ll brush it off, but already knowing that you won’t is just another thing that makes his heart skip a beat. 
you can’t let him live, and he can’t get enough of it.
“oh, so you’re stalking me now?” you joke, but the thought of him noticing such a thing makes your chest swell. you’re touched.
jean didn’t even sit by you at dinner tonight. you’re sure he was a table over, and the only reason you know is because you kept sneaking glances at him, wishing he had sat down next to you instead, like he usually does. his hair looked so nice, and his cute mannerisms were so much more obvious when you could see him from the front.
he chuckles shyly, a hand reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck.
he swallows. “just... take care of yourself. i’m not always gonna be here to bring you bread when you’re hungry.”
carefully, you rip a small chunk of bread off with your fingers and toss it into your watering mouth. it’s fluffy and sweet, now that you actually have an appetite to taste it. “you’re starting to sound like my mother, jean kirstein.” 
he loves the way you say his name. if only you knew how it makes his chest bloom with warmth. it sounds so natural and endearing rolling off your tongue that for a second, his only dream is getting to hear it again.
“why do you care so much? you add quietly, eyes flitting over to meet his. his face softens at your sincerity. 
“why do you care if i care?” he counters, but his tone is soft as cashmere. he hesitates, not sure if he should go a step further, before continuing with an experimental tenderness. “you’re important to me. isn’t that enough?”
“oh, please,” you say, rolling your eyes. it breaks the veil of late-night emotional vulnerability that hangs in the air. “don’t get all mushy on me.” 
but it’s a lie. god, is it a lie. you love when he gets mushy on you. jean’s open nature is alluring and intimidating at the same time. you’re not sure if you’d even be able to participate, with how hard it is to take your own feelings seriously. you never have the guts to say anything more, to say what you actually want to say. 
too often, you’ve thought about what exact words you’d use, how you’d do it. you’ve rehearsed the lines, read over them in your mind a thousand times. but it’s pointless - it’s not like he’d ever date you, not in this climate with so much constantly on the line, right? that’s the reason you feel so guilty in the first place, what with him taking care of you when you refuse to do it for yourself. it’s just another added stress, and you can’t stand to see it when he’s dealing with so much already.
he’s not sure how to reply, so you fill the space instead, regretting your previous joking detachment. “i just don’t get why you bother.”
for whatever reason, it makes him feel a little huffy. how could you think that? how could you ask such a thing, when he makes it so damn obvious? maybe it’s his lack of sleep clouding his judgment, or maybe he’s just exhausted from hiding his feelings any longer, but he says it without really thinking.
he sighs with an attitude. “i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but i’m kind of in love with you.”
you scoff, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “don’t say stuff like that.” taking another bite of bread, you’re anticipating him to burst out in laughter any second, but he doesn’t. jean is first frozen in astonishment at his own words, and secondly frozen by the way you so easily dismiss it.
eyebrows furrowing, his voice takes on a defensive tone. “i mean it.”
when your eyes meet his, your mask of a grin drops to an embarrassed, disbelieving smile. his expression is utterly serious.
“wait, really?” there’s a certain amusement in your face that has jean shriveling up. he nods shamefully, head hanging low. his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach and feels his throat begin to burn.
you swallow, trying to keep your cool. letting out a shaky breath, you mumble, “in that case, i have some good news for you.”
he picks his head back up immediately. your cheeks are flushed, looking at him with eyes like crescent moons.
he’s grateful to find that it’s not because you’re laughing at him. you’re absolutely delighted, the urge to punch the air and jump off your feet filling your veins, the purest excitement in existence, you think.
you eat the last piece, licking the small crumbs off your thumb. you lean in, hoping he can’t hear the intense thumping of your heart against your ribcage.
your breath tickles the shell of his ear, muttering, “i’m kind of in love you, too.” the confession is a whisper in the night, meant only to be heard by him. his nerves turn hot.
“seriously?” he checks, eyes reading over your appearance to look for hints of dishonesty. he doesn’t find any.
“seriously.” you feel like a kid again, a giddy chortle bubbling from your throat. “i just... just thought it wasn’t possible.”
a comfortable silence ensues, aside from the occasional disbelieving chuckle. the birds are beginning to chirp, singing their songs to greet the rising sun beyond the horizon.
when the time comes for you to leave, you sit up and stretch out your stiff limbs. you gather your things, adjusting the hood around your neck. jean watches the whole time, absorbed in your movements.
you know you can’t just leave without a word. before you go, you bend over behind his chair until your face is next to his.
“thanks, jean,” you murmur, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. his stubble pokes against the cushion of your lips.
and then you’re off, lowering yourself down the ladder before he can even realize that you’ve kissed him. in your absence, he holds his fingertips to his cheek, still feeling the pressure of your lips there in shock.
he’s left with a distant smile on his face all day after, and the scouts don’t even have to ask to know why when they see the same damn look on yours.
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Text
~
Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far.
Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga.
~
SO here is the other splash image that really stuck out to me:
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This time not because of the Seresu arc but because of how the Infinity arc itself ends.
Here's the link to the original post the image is from if you'd like the full context, but the particular quote from that post I want to use as a reference is here:
"Syaoran also sits on the throne - which as far as I can tell, isn’t his. ... The only one ever wearing the crown they’re all wearing [on their clothes] is Sakura. Now, does it make sense that Syaoran has usurped her throne? Heck yeah! He’s stolen everything from her. He’s stolen her journey (they’re following him now, always a step behind), he’s stolen her feathers, and he’s stolen the person she’s in love with."
Where I was kind of on the right track but couldn't have possibly guessed what all the chess imagery was ultimately feeding into. Looking back now the initial liveblogs for all of these Chess-related splash images are such a big mix of different iconography, so it’s very fun reading through all my old guesses back then. I think I did a really good job of trying to decipher some of it, especially the Cinderella and Snow White imagery in Chapter 140, but the Chess was a bit trickier.
Which, like, understandable, because the chess game that was happening in the chapters was stressful as heck and did not end well, but there is a nice conclusion to it with this image which is easier to read now - especially in regards to Sakura. Because it's made very clear to the viewer that the symbol of the Queen piece is in reference to her; both in these splash images (where she wears the crown at one point, and every character wears the symbol in ways that reflect their allegiance to her) and in the plotline, where she functions as the Queen of the battles taking place. Here is another good example of the symbol being used for Sakura with it right there on her throne, and the two Syaoran's wearing the symbol in smaller ways to represent their relationship to her. But with that all in mind? I had no idea what it was really getting at with Syaoran on Sakura's throne here.
BUT NOW I DO.
If you go back to that example I just gave with Sakura sitting on her throne? It's a different throne! It still makes it very clear that she's undeniably the Queen piece, with the symbol in gold actually being a key part of the throne itself.
And the throne Syaoran sits on? It has the crown symbol as part of the decoration, but it's not representing him, it's just a small symbol to show that matches Sakura's throne. This throne is his own.
He's the King piece.
(And, important distinction; the throne is not Lava Lamp's, but our original plotline Syaoran who is now in Autopilot mode.)
This wouldn't have occurred to me the first time through because I was focused so much on what this might mean for Sakura, and how she related to everyone else, but the way the Infinity Arc ends really hammers this home. After all, Sakura is the mastermind in this arc - everything that happens is according to her plan. She's not playing chess just during the literal chess matches, but during the entire plotline, moving every character and circumstance into place to enact her final plan; to activate both Chi's at once, absorb both their feather's, and trigger Fai's curse - resulting in her pseudo (if purely physical) death. But like we see in the plotline, this isn't a loss - it's a win. It's exactly how she planned things to unfold, and it will lead her to winning the game.
Just in case anyone isn't familiar, in Chess the queen is the most powerful piece capable of the widest variety of moves - but the queen is not the endgame goal. You can lose the queen piece in any game and (besides losing a powerful piece) it's not the end of the world. You can still win the game without the queen piece. It's the King piece that's the Win/Loss condition. The King is the piece you have to keep safe at all costs, even if you lose other pieces in the process. The second the King dies, the match is over. You've lost.
And this matches exactly how Sakura played the series events. She was the Queen in control of every move, and Syaoran was the Win condition she was focused on. She foresaw Fai killing Syaoran in the future - which, for her, is the Losing Scenario. She planned everything to avoid this, and she succeeded! She lost the Queen piece (ie, her physical body) but won the ultimate goal of keeping the King safe. She won the 3D future chess game that she was playing by herself, and positioned herself in the place that would have the most benefit for the victory at the end. (Which I still haven't seen, but she was VERY confident about this having a better result than Fai killing Syaoran.)
I'm also super happy that this ties in really well with the fairy tale allusions I talked about back in Chapter 140, but in ways I wasn't aware of back then either.
I talked about Snow White and how the apple (that shows up in a lot of the splash images in Infinity) may have been referring to Sakura's tendency to sleep a lot. What I didn't realise was that Sakura was essentially about to pull the Big Brain Snow White maneuver on herself to ultimately win her chess game. While in Snow White the poison apple is a trap, here Sakura sprung the trap intentionally. Fai is the apple she bit into deliberately - she arranged it so that killed her body, breaking his own curse, and sent her to the World of Dreams (and thus, she is asleep) which also placed her in a Glass Coffin (aka The Jam Jar of Dreams - Im sorry I have no memory of what it's really called). So the Snow White metaphor is now complete.
But also Cinderella! In the image for 140 Sakura is trying on a glass slipper - so she's Cinderella figure as well. But at this point in the plot the clock hadn't struck midnight just yet - like Cinderella, Sakura knew the exact time limit she had to work with, and for her the timing had to be PRECISE. She spent all of Infinity stressed out of her mind about this plan she couldn't trust anyone else with, knowing full well that if she missed the window even slightly it would ruin absolutely everything and they would all lose. Which, funnily enough, makes Yuuko the fairy godmother, since she provided Sakura with the magic she needed to make her plan happen (via wishes). This also means that Fai stabbing her with the sword is the exact moment the clock struck twelve - and like the spell finishing, Sakura could finally drop the act and explain what she had done, even as all the magic disappeared (ie, her luck being traded away). There's even a detransformation sequence of a sort, with her body and soul going in two different directions. But either way, the Cinderella metaphor is also complete!
And with all that done the last part I want to talk about is back in the image of Syaoran on the throne. He's framed on either side with the curtains that portray the chess board, and they're tied back by chains with him in the very centre. He is visually chained to the board - which, like, of course he is. With his Autopilot programming in place he's essentially just a chess piece without any will of his own - a winning piece, for sure, but he's still being moved around without his choice. He's playing the game on auto, making the moves that will lead him to the winning gambit, but without his individual soul he has no choice but to keep playing until the game is over. The goal he's working towards isn't even his - it's Evil Wolverine's. So in the same way that everyone else was a chess piece in Sakura's strategy (if, sort of, willingly), including Sakura herself, Syaoran is a piece being moved around in Evil Wolverine's favour - though if he dies, it's game over for Sakura's side as well.
I'm unclear if Syaoran dying would be a game over scenario for Evil Wolverine, but at the very least it would end the game he is currently playing.
So, in the hyper future 3D chess game that Sakura was playing by herself she couldn't properly win the game for her side by taking out Syaoran because he's her king piece too. Syaoran is the piece at the centre of everything, and will be the key to winning the game for either side. We just have to wait and see if Sakura's gambit will pay off in the way she thinks it will.
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barnibumblr · 3 years
Text
Coffee Run - Part One
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Pairing: Ina x Bea
Summary: Tensions are high after Bea is paired with Poppy on a project.
Warnings: Mentions of bullying, but mostly fluff!
Word count: 2045
Tagging: @ikingsley @kaitlynliaofanxx @kwaj115 @sheepmomther-personal @swimmingshoebakerydreamer @domakir @veenast @hellyeah90sbaby
***
“How do I look?”, Bea asked, walking into the common area like it was her own personal catwalk. Arms in the air, the brunette paused ahead of the kitchen island, adding a twirl for flair. Hiding her mouthful, Zoey threw her an exaggerated wink whilst she finished chewing her food. “Twit twoo Babe! You look pure fire!” She reached out to touch Bea, hissing and pulling her hand away at the ‘burn’.
When their laughter died down, Zoey shot a look at her watch “oh shit Bea, you’ve got five minutes to get across campus! And we both know this is a class you do not want to be late for”. Bea ran over to the door, slipping on her shoes and throwing her bag over her shoulder. The girl was right though, every minute Bea was late, was one less minute she could spend observing her beloved professor. As she stood up, Zoey was already holding the door open, half a slice of toast in the other hand. Bea rushed past, stopping to steal the toast with her teeth and leaving before her roommate could stop her.
Zoey stepped out into the corridor behind her, “yeah have my toast Bea, what’s mine is yours!” she called out across the bustling hallway. “Oh and say hi to Ms Candice for me” she added, purposely poking for a reaction. Shaking her head, Bea spun around to blow her second favourite New Yorker a kiss. Still moving with the crowd, she turned again to face the direction she was heading, trying to ignore the somersaults in her stomach as she recalled the impromptu book club reading with Ina. ‘I can’t believe I actually straddled my professor’ she taunted herself, mentally facepalming at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
Bea hurried her steps as she crossed the quad. All jokes aside, she was still desperately trying to impress Ina as her newly appointed TA and being late would not help her case. She was relieved to say the least, when she entered the lecture hall and the Professor was still unpacking her laptop.
The relief was short lived when she glanced around the room and found the only free seat was beside Chloe St James. Bea grunted under her breath, ‘great, just great’ she thought before taking her place next to the blonde. Her behind had barely touched the chair when Chloe threw her first look of disgust, “do you have to Hughes? My day was going just fine”. Bea narrowed her eyes, “it’s not exactly my first choice either Chloe, so how about we both just pretend I’m not really here?”. Along with her retort, she produced the most sarcastic and insincere smile she could summon.
“I’ve got a better idea” Chloe countered, “how about I act like you don’t exist?”. Bea paused, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, all while Chloe stared at her like she was the stupid one.
Ina cleared her throat pointedly and quiet swept across the room, immediately drawing Bea’s attention back to the front. She couldn’t help but think how incredibly sexy it was to watch Ina command the room, how easily she captured everyone’s interest and just kept it.
“Okay, so today we will be heading in a slightly different direction, a bit of a change from the last four weeks. We are going to start covering some elements of linguistic anthropology. I’ve got a short presentation to run through, you’ll have some time to note your key points, and then I would like to open the subject up to debate”.
The professor was just about to continue when a voice called out from the back, “are we going to mass debate Miss Kingsley?”. Ina rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Real smooth Craig. Tell me, how long have you been waiting to use that one?” she challenged. For a guy easily clearing 6ft, Craig almost disappeared in his chair. “Oh and it’s Professor Kingsley, thank you” she added as she launched her powerpoint.
“If everyone could please take out your textbooks and find page 356”, Ina instructed. Whilst everyone started to shuffle and organise themselves, Bea watched how Ina seemed to be searching the room. When her gaze finally settled on Bea, her eyes softened and a small smile graced her lips before she looked away. The eye contact was brief, but long enough for Bea to know Ina had just found what she was looking for.
The class were set to work after the presentation and Bea busied herself, trying her damnedest not to keep staring at the perfect specimen of a woman, currently seated on her desk at the front of the class. Bea’s swooning was cut short when she realised the sniggering she could hear was coming from beside her.
When Ina had finally agreed for Bea to be her TA, it was on the understanding that no drama would be brought into her classroom. It was for that reason Bea inhaled slowly as she turned to the blonde beside her, internally begging for patience. “Can I help you Chloe?” She asked, keeping her tone as neutral as humanly possible. The eye roll she received in reply was already pushing her to the limit, “I don’t know Farmsville, can you?”. Chloe’s tone dripped sarcasm, it took everything Bea had in her not to flip her desk there and then, instead she just calmly replied. “Chloe, if you have something to say, just come out and say it already?”.
Before Chloe could respond, Bea already regretted asking. People in the row in front started to turn their way, aware that it could go off any minute now, some with their phones at the ready.
“Well Bea, I actually wanted to ask you what perfume you were wearing?”, Chloe paused with her hand over her mouth but the brunette wasn’t about to answer. Bea clamped her jaw tightly shut, the muscles twitching in an effort to keep her cool. To make matters worse, Bea could see Ina now watching over her glasses. “Let me guess, is it pig de eurghhh? Chloe laughed excessively, looking over each shoulder to bask in the glory of her own joke.
‘Okay that was actually pretty funny’ Bea thought, taking a moment to appreciate Chloe’s attempt before correcting her. Remembering her voice, she kept it low as she spoke. “I think you meant Eau de Pig, but you know what Chloe… I’m just impressed you came up with that all by yourself!” Bea appraised.
The blonde’s eyes screwed up so tight they almost closed, Bea knew whatever was coming next would be spiteful. Thankfully Ina’s voice rang out across the classroom, “is there a problem ladies?”. Chloe plastered on a well rehearsed smile before responding. “Not now thank you professor, I was just trying to help Bea”, still facing forward her smile dropped to something resembling false pity. “It smells really bad up here, so I was just suggesting she shower more often… To wash away all the pig poo”. As she finished, she gestured at Bea, screwing her nose up.
“That’s quite enough Ms St James. I will absolutely not tolerate any attempt of bullying during my lectures, thank you” Ina reprimanded, her tone much firmer than the class had ever seen. Having Ina defend her should have been everything Bea wanted but instead she covered her face with her hand, trying to hide the embarrassment flooding her cheeks. ‘Oh great’ she thought, ‘ now everyone thinks I’m being bullied’.
Chloe sat back in her seat looking like the cat that got the cream. “See Farmsville, you don’t belong here. Belvoire is a way of life, you can’t just buy your way in and be accepted”. Bea was starting to wonder if Chloe had a point, was she in over her head? “I’m surprised Kingsley even offered you the TA position, I mean what does she even see in you? Maybe she just feels sorry for you, yeah that’s probably it”.
That was the final straw. Bea slammed her laptop closed and started to make her way towards the exit.
“Ms Hughes, is everything okay?” Ina asked, her brows furrowed in concern as Bea raced past her. Bea could only wave her away as the tears prickling her eyes threatened to fall. Ina followed her out into the hall, once she was clear of the classroom she called out to the brunette, who hadn’t even looked back. “Bea? Please stop, are you okay?”.
Ina was relieved when Bea finally halted at the end of the corridor, chasing her across campus would certainly arouse some unwanted attention. Keeping her back to the professor, Bea sighed “I just need to be alone Ina”. And with that she was gone, leaving Ina behind.
Later that afternoon, Bea was still hiding in her bed when her phone pinged.
———————————————————-
1 New Email
Afternoon Ms Hughes.
Sorry to contact you on such short notice, however I require your assistance as a matter of urgency. If you are available this evening, please could you stop by my office. My evening lecture will be finished at 19:30, so I can meet you there shortly after.
Best,
Professor Ina Kingsley
————————————————————
By the time Bea needed to leave, the campus was fairly quiet, only the odd student passing here and there. Bea wasn’t sure what she would say when she got to Ina’s office, she just knew she needed to apologise. Although she felt bad for walking away from Ina that morning, the last thing she wanted was for her to see just how much Belvoire was really affecting her.
When she arrived the door was already slightly ajar. Bea peered around it, to find the professor sitting in one of the armchairs. Ina hadn’t noticed her yet, so she took the liberty of just watching her for a moment, absorbing her beauty.
The older woman was sat back in her chair, one hand in her lap, the other propping up her chin on the arm of the chair. She seemed to be deep in thought as she stared out the office window, so Bea approached her slowly. At first Ina appeared perfectly still, but as she got closer, Bea could see her furiously jigging her leg. Ina’s aura of calm was not quite reflected from the waist down.
Despite the slow approach, Ina still startled when her visitor came into view. “Oh, Bea!” she laughed nervously, hand to her chest. Bea awkwardly returned a smile as she took the other seat, “Ina, I…” she started. Ina leant forward to listen, her elbows now resting on her knees. Opening her mouth to talk, Bea didn’t quite know where to begin or how to excuse her behaviour, instead her eyes dropped to the floor.
Sensing Bea’s discomfort, Ina knew it was time to put her plan into action. “Right” she said, standing up and straightening out her skirt. Bea watched her move across the room, waiting for the wholesome stack of quizzes she thought were coming her way. Instead Ina picked up and put on her coat.
“We’ve got a lot to get through, so I was thinking we could go grab a coffee first?” she asked, untucking her hair from the collar.
“Are you sure another date’s a good idea?” Bea questioned with a smirk. Although she was upset, she still had it in her to make the other woman blush and she got exactly the response she was going for. Ina grinned, shaking her head at the floor as the tips of her ears turned red.
Ina paused at the door, openly pondering. “I’m not sure of much when it comes to you Bea, but… What I do know is that coffee is never a bad idea”.
Regardless of how bad her day had been, Bea loved how she could bring Ina’s walls down, even if only temporarily. “You’re not really selling it to me, Ina” she teased.
“Miss Hughes, please will you allow me the pleasure of your company and join me on a brief walk to the coffee shop?”. Despite the flutter she felt in her stomach, Bea laughed at Ina’s formality. She made her way to the door, giggling again as the professor held it open with a bow.
***
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theresnosinlondon · 3 years
Text
Don’t Do It For Me - h.s. (part 3)
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The one where Harry is a friend in need and - can they still be called complications? (1.5k)
I don't even know anymore - is this a short story now? A series of one-shots? All I know is that there will be a part 4.
Part 2
So, you thought you could be back in London and not tell me?
Men can be quite simple creatures sometimes, they really can. I had mostly taken a break from my phone whilst I was away. I favoured taking a camera out and about and kept my phone safe and hidden in my bag. I have gotten notifications of reactions or replies to my Instagram stories but ignored all of them in favour of absorbing the benefits of being away from London, the UK and work.
I had stepped foot back in Heathrow only five hours prior to the text - he really did have eyes everywhere. How he did it was beyond me. A man with a schedule that was so tight it almost overlapped. He has expressed before how the busier he was, the more productive he felt which, was all good and well, until the bags under his eyes were so heavy and sunken that he looked one meeting away from dropping.
I could sympathise - the idea of work being an escape from your life-questioning thoughts is quite appealing when you have a career that resembles your dreams as closely as possible. Throwing myself into a project that gives me freedom of creativity, interactions with interesting characters and puts me behind a camera has a therapeutic effect on my mind. The same must happen for him.
As much of a golden boy and all-around loved guy he was, he certainly had his fatal flaws, one of which was his lack of ability in the prioritising area. He absolutely adores his family and friends, but present the fella with an interesting project and he gets tunnel vision and that is all he can think about. He doesn't just hide behind his job - he becomes his job.
I wasn't aware I had to go through passport control with you too, H. Heathrow was a traumatic enough experience for my little brain. But yeah! Back on British soil!
His call came pretty soon after my text was read - one greeting led to a quick “you need to tell me everything about home” and “I’ll grab some food and come over so we can catch up!” and next thing I knew, I was opening my front door and was greeted with a happy, cheesy face. A one-armed hug and a flick to my chin led him to squeeze past me and towards the living room.
He, as a person, baffled me. The way he so effortlessly made himself at home and started unpacking the food, all the while rambling about the restaurant being skimpy with veggies in their dishes, but the spices blend makes up for it - so he just orders extra greens. Such a boring opinion that still made me smile fondly at his drawled nonsense.
“So! How much did you miss me?” his exaggerated smile was flashed at me. “Must’ve been torture being away from me for such a long time.”
“Barely made it through,” I played along. “The scenery did make up for it, though.”
“Upstaged by a gorgeous view,” he tutted with faux disapproval. “Seriously though, when can I see your pictures?”
“And here I was, thinking you were here to catch up with your dearest friend.” I scoffed with a slight roll of my eyes. He glanced my way, pausing with a spring roll mid-air and just raised his eyebrows, giving me a smug look. He brought the roll to his mouth, maintaining eye contact whilst he crunched his way through a bite.
“And here I was, thinking you would jump my bones the second I walked through your door.” His scoff was playful and the quirk of his lips was an easy hint at his joking mood.
All I could do was smile at him - that man, with his rights and wrongs, with his wit, his cheekiness, his looks, his talent, his moments that warrant wide eyes and a question of “what in the actual hell?”, his soft demeanour contrasted with his “climbing the walls” bouts of uncontainable energy, the plethora of conversations we can carry, his face, his hands, his neck. That man right there, I did want to jump his bones.
“So,” I tried to think of how to word the question I was dying to ask. “How’s Jess?”
“Hm,” He rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, interlocking his fingers on his tummy. “Spoke to her the day you left.”
I stayed silent for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate but, ever the tease he was, he kept the momentum going and smiled slightly. “And?”
“And,” He purposefully prolonged the sound, only to spit out the rest of the sentence quickly. “We talked about taking a break to figure things out.”
I have never been known to have a strong poker face but I could usually mask my emotions and reactions to a certain extent - this time I think he could hear my eyes rolling.
“Well, that’s different, isn’t it?” My sentence was heavily accentuated by sarcasm.
“I know you don’t believe in breaks,” He sounded bored and done with the direction the conversation was taking. “And neither do I.” He chose that moment to lull his head to the side and make eye contact with me.
I pursed my lips to the side, feeling the want to wrap myself around him dwindle with each word said out loud. I should’ve seen it coming - he said he was ready to end a seemingly perfect relationship just after he strayed from his path. The fact that I even believed him was quite an insult to my own intelligence.
“I..” Words seemed to fail me in that exact instant, “don’t even know what to say, if I’m being honest.”
“Not much for you to say when that conversation ended with us breaking up.” His monotonous tone was quite disorienting, giving the weight of the words he spoke.
“Huh?”, was all I could come up with.
He heaved a heavy sigh, shuffling on the couch and sitting up straight. “I told you, I didn’t see it working with Jess anymore - I wasn’t going to mess her around any more than I already did.” His pressed lips and frowned eyebrows gave him a gloom look. “I had known, from the moment I met with her to talk, that it was going to end with us breaking up.”
I just kept staring at his profile, not really knowing if it was my place to comfort him or not. The bottom line was, he was my friend before we slept together, we cared for each other and we comforted each other when needed.
I reached out and tugged him by the arm, causing him to lean towards me sideways, with no resistance whatsoever, and his head to fall to my chest. To my surprise, he was quite malleable in my hands and fell into the embrace as if he was expecting it to happen. One arm around his shoulders and the other hand pushing his hair back, so I could kiss the top of his head - he let me cuddle him and let his weight fall onto me.
“I’m sorry, H,” I mumbled against his hair, “I know it’s a decision that you made, but I also know that it hurts all the same.”
“Mh,” he adjusted and held me around the waist, “it’s never easy to go through a breakup, I feel like shit. But you know what?”
I hummed, letting him speak.
“She took it on the chin and called me out on my bullshit,” his chuckle could be felt on my stomach. “When I used the work excuse, she straight up told me to ‘stop fucking around and just get on with it’.”
“Mh, you do like when a partner can put you in your place.”
“Equally as much as I like to put them in their place.” His comment was accompanied by a quick glance up towards me and a squeeze to my middle.
“Alright,” My fingers buried through his strands and gave a tug at his hair. “Let me be a supportive friend and a great host and make you a cuppa.”
“I don’t need your lousy tea,” he mumbled, snuggling his face in my chest, “do you have any nice wine?”
“So that’s why you wanted to come over! Steal all the wine I brought from home?”
“I mean, kind of.” He shrugged and laughed, refusing to let me go. “Seeing your face is also a plus.”
And that is how we ended up with a glass of fine Italian wine each, nibbling on some Chinese food and the pictures I took on my holiday mirrored to my TV. He ooh’d and aah’d at every peak of greenery and blue skies and bright sun he saw, all the while teasing and making jokes to keep the morale up.
His head on my shoulder and his fingers playing with mine were clearly innocent touches - innocent touches that escalated when he turned his face and buried it in my neck when his fingers left mine and took a hold of my nape, when his mouth travelled to my jaw, my cheek. It only took me a split second to sigh at my stupidity and then turn my face, meeting his lips with mine.
And, I suppose he was right - I did end up jumping his bones.
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alyxia91 · 3 years
Text
In A Million Years
Soft Bakugou, because there’s something I love about the thought of this tough guy absolutely melting for someone. I’m sorry it’s kind of a long, slow-burn. I ramble. I’m working on it.
When you first met Bakugou, you were undeniably intimated. How could you not be? He was anger, pride and explosions personified. You wondered if standing too close was a hazard to your health, if not physically, mentally. But as time went on and you became more accustomed to his personality, you found that that red hot anger wasn’t scorching you, rather drawing you in and keeping you warm. Small, barely there conversations in passing grew enough to where you could confidently say he was a friend, and someone you relied on - you hoped he felt the same.  You didn’t notice the sideways glances he would send your way, or the faint blush that would flush across his face whenever you smiled at him. How he wished he would be the only one you smiled at, the only one to hold your attention. But you were too nice, while not overly popular by the typical standard, it was fair to say everyone liked you, including the explosive future hero. Those feelings only continued to grow as you progressed through your years at UA, both of you drawing closer and closer to each other subconsciously. He didn’t notice that he spoke to you differently, softer than anyone else; and you never realized that you were almost always touching him in some way - a hand on his arm, fingers brushing against each other.
Neither of you noticed that you’d fallen in love with each other.
It wasn’t until a fight against the League of Villains that those feelings were violently pushed to the forefront, when you got seriously injured.
The fight had been typical, if not chaotic. Everyone was doing their best to keep themselves alive while fighting. You were no different, your shadow fiends fighting at a distance while you kept up inn hand-to-hand combat. Thank God you practiced against Bakugou frequently - otherwise you doubted you’d be able to keep up. The years of training also prevented too much energy being wasted keeping your multiple shadow fiends active - it was a skill you wanted to grow further. You’d gone up from having one out for a few minutes to having multiples out for hours. Right now, you had 13 running around fighting and defending.
Explosions sounded to your left - you didn’t have to look to know it was Bakugou. Even in scenarios like this, somehow he was never too far from you, always keeping an eye on you. Unfortunately, that eye missed Tomura coming towards him, arm stretched out and hand reaching to grab at his face. You, however, noticed the movement in your peripheral, and with a swift kick to the stomach of whatever moronic douchebag you were fighting, launched yourself towards the pair. Your left arm stretching as far as you could make it, desperately trying to stop Tomura from making contact.
This resulted in your left hand grabbing his, your arm crossing over his body as an additional barrier. Pain erupted from your finger tips and you watched as your palm and fingers turned to dust. The pain shot up your arm, nerve endings for limbs you were quickly loosing  firing desperate warnings to get the hell out. Glitching your jaw, you willed a sword, a mace, ANYTHING strong to be formed with your right hand - by some grace an axe pulled itself from your fingertips, the purple smoke billowing off of it the only indication that you had created it. Without a second to think, you swung the axe across your arm, severing in and stopping the decay.
A different kind of pain shot through you, and before you truly knew what was happening, you stop up and pout your palm to Tomura’s chest. You met his eyes, and the maniacle grin he had on his face was enough to drive you to send all of your shadow fiends to him. With the strongest push you could muster, you distanced yourself from him just as they arrived to swarm him. You turned to look at Bakugou, to make sure he was okay, safe...alive, and you were met with easily the most wild eyes you had ever seen. You’d never found him particularly easy to read, but right now there were so many emotions flashing through his eyes you wondered if every emotion he’d ever felt was in there.
“Suki...” you whispered, suddenly too tired to speak properly. “You - you - what the hell did you - are you crazy?! You idiot! You could have-” Whatever he was saying was drowned out by a ringing in your ears, suddenly so loud and overwhelming you had to close your eyes. You dipped your head, an attempt to hide it to block out everything.  “Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop” you whimpered, desperate for the pain  to cease; and just as suddenly, it did.
You awoke hours later, the repetitive beeping of a heartrate monitor letting you know where you were. ‘Goddamnit. It’s been so long since I was here...thought I was doing better’ you thought, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. You signed, resigning yourself to your fate. You made the decisions, you would live with the consequences.  The door opening caused you to blink, pulling you out of the aimless thoughts. Bakugou walked in, silent and looking exhausted. He paused when he saw you try to sit up, falling slightly when you tried to lean on where your left hand used to be. Three large steps brought him to your side, helping you sit up properly.
You two sat in silence, neither really sure what to say. He had almost died, and you had lost a hard and most of your lower arm to save him, as well as almost dying yourself. What could either of you say? You opened your mouth, only to close it again. Unsure of what else to do, you reached across and places your left hand on top of his, slightly uncomfortable with the twisting of your body.  The contact broke him, and you saw his eyes shut tightly before a small cry erupted from his lips. Tears fell and he grabbed your hand, desperate to hold on to you, to remind himself that you hadn’t died. He brought your hand up to his lips, kissing them and resting them there, his warm breath tickling your fingers.
“You are so stupid....so so stupid” he said, desperately trying to control his breathing, “you can’t do shit like that...you can’t...I can’t...you...you..” panicked breathes interrupted each word, his grip tightening with each attempt at breathing.  “Katsuki, I need you to breath honey - I can barely understand you” you said softly, voice somehow not wavering despite the emotions welling in your throat “copy my breathing, yeah? Look at me” He shook his head, terrified that you’d disappear and this would all be a dream. "I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’m here” you said, tightening your grip slightly to help reassure him. A deep inhale through his nose followed before he finally lifted his head and looked at you.  Even here, after you’d lost so much blood, you were beautiful. He’d never get tired of looking at you - and he almost lost you. In the blink of an eye, his entire world was almost gone. “I’m so sorry” you said, keeping your eyes connected with his “I didn’t think, I just saw you were about the die and I reacted. I didn’t think how it might affect you. I’m so...so sorry Katsu” “Please...please don’t ever do anything like that again. I can’t....I can’t see that again. You were dying in front of me and I couldn’t do anything. The only thing I could do was cause more damage to -” he stopped, and looked down at your arm. You followed his gaze, realizing for the first time just how much of your arm you had lost. Just before your elbow, a diagonal line towards the outer part of your arm.  “Couldn’t do a clean line huh? Well done’ you chastised yourself. “You were bleeding so much...so much...Todoroki was too far away, but we had something to close the wound. I...I had to try...it wouldn’t stop..” ‘He cauterized it’ you realized. Your body tensed with the realization, guilt overwhelming you.
Bakugou felt you tense beneath his hands, his body immediately doing the same. Were you angry? Did you hate him? He didn’t want to do it...he didn’t want to hurt you. But you were dying there, bleeding out in front of him and - “You saved my life, Katsu. I’m sorry I put your in a position to have to do that” “I’m sorry” he said suddenly, feeling overwhelmed and undeserving of your apologies “If I had been paying more attention. This wouldn’t have happened. I was too busy making sure you were safe. If I’d been paying attention, you’d have your arm...your life wouldn’t have changed. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” tears welled up in his eyes again, guilt crushing his heart and pulling hi away from you.
“Hey, hey. Katsu...Katsu please stop. I’m not mad at you, I’d never blame you for this. We both made it, yeah? You saved me. I’m awake and here with you, because of you, okay? I’m still me. I don’t hate you, or think that you should have done something differently. If anything I should have done things differently. But, I will ALWAYS try to save you. That I won’t apologize for. You’re too important to feel any remorse for saving” Bakugou stayed silent, absorbing your words. He kissed your fingers again before standing up, and laying your hand down across the bed. No longer twisting, you sat up straighter, worried that he was going to leave. Instead, and to your utter surprised, he moved one arm behind your back, and another under your knees, lifting you up and maneuvering himself beneath you on your bed. He opened his legs, placing you between them before wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you against his chest.
“You are so stupid” he mumbled into your neck “you’re too important to throw your life around like that. I won’t survive if something happens to you. I can’t. I need you here, with me. Got that?” Heat engrossed your face, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you processed his words. You nodded, placing your right arm over his and intertwining your fingers. “I’m sorry” you whispered again. He responded by pulling you closer to him, bodies impossibly together. You felt his left arm release, coming down to lift yours up to inspect. You relaxed, letting him examine the bandaged limb. He didn’t say anything, he just let his fingers gently run across the bandage, You signed before inhaling deeply, imagining what your hand used to look like. Suddenly, purple smoke wrapped itself around the wound, molding itself into the missing arm and hand. Bakugou pulled away, eyes widening as the smoke solidified, leaving a purple arm and hand. Experimentally, you wiggled the fingers, excitement coursing through you as you saw them move, felt them against the palm. Bakugou reached forward, expecting his hand to pass through it - but was shocked when you came into contact with solid warmth. It felt like your other hand...exactly the same. Another cry passed his lips and you curled your fingers around his hand, squeezing lightly. Tears hit your shoulder, and your body shook with his as he cried, not even attempting to hide it. His arms wrapped around you again, hugging you tightly.
“I love you. I love you so much” he said, hiccupping softly
“I love you too Katsu” 
He hugged you tighter still, willing your body to mold into his own
“I’m never letting you go. I’m never letting you get hurt again”
“Katsu, I’m going to get hurt”
“No. Not like this. Anything more than a papercut is too much” he grumbled against your neck, lips whispering over your skin “And if paper cuts you I’ll destroy it” You couldn’t help but smile. You knew it was an impossible promise to keep, but you also knew he’d move heaven and earth to keep it. “I promise to try to avoid those kinds of situations from now on, okay?” “You fuckin’ better...” he muttered, finally kissing your neck. You turned towards him, eyes sparkling and a smile on your face., his expression mirroring yours. You were both beyond exhausted, but damnit you were so happy. 
“I can’t -” he started, only to stop himself “Katsu?” He didn’t say anything, just leaned forward and kisses you, soft and careful. Scared to shatter you, scared of seeing your skin turning to dust again. You smiled into the kiss, tightening your grip on his arms around your midsection; a sign that you weren’t going anywhere, that you wouldn’t break. He understood, and deepened the kiss. Hold you against him. Holding you where you belonged; and he was never letting you go. Never in a million years.
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startistdoodles · 3 years
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How would you rank the Pokémon Villian leaders from least favorite to favorite
(Feel free to include the Orre games)
I actually haven’t played the Orre games (YET... though I very much want to) So I’ll just rank all the team leaders from the main series 👌
Also I’ll give Rose an honorable mention since I haven’t finished SWSH yet and so I don’t really have a full sense of his plan. I do think he is delightful so far, though. Love his energy.
Another honorable mention is Colress, he’s not a team leader, he’s more of a high-ranking admin, but I still want to come out and say that he is wonderful and I love him a lot.
SO here’s the actual list, from least favorite to most favorite: (under the cut because this gets long)
Lysandre: Poor Lysandre...it kills me because I think he had so much potential as a villain, but his scheme is honestly really forgettable to me despite him having a really cool design and aesthetic. I love the orange and black color pallet, but it can’t really save him from being kind of an underwhelming villain to me. (Honestly, I think the entire X and Y plot had so much missed potential but I’ll probably save that for a different post some other time.)
Giovanni: Now from here on out, I actually really like all of these villains so it was a bit tricky to order them :’) But Giovanni is a really good team leader, and one of the scarier ones I think. Team Rocket is really threatening and shows that Gio really just cares about money, even when he has to hurt people or Pokémon to get it. His dynamic with his son Silver is really heart-wrenching and his involvement with the Mewtwo project is so despicable. And his role as the last Gym Leader is definitely one of the best plot twists in all of gaming. He’s intimidating, he’s ruthless, he’s honestly really great.
Lusamine: Yeah, I’ll include the Aether foundation president here despite not being a “team” she is the main antagonist of SM/USUM. And she is a delightfully cruel one too. She’s so self-absorbed that she had no problem pushing her own family away, including her two children who she practically disowns because they’re not “beautiful” enough for her. She’s honestly so despicable, but somehow manages to still be such a fascinating antagonist whose actions really did hurt me while playing the game. And bonus points because she has an awesome fusion with the Ultra Beast and it really shook me to my core when I first played. Her story (and honestly the whole plot of this game as a whole) is so rich and deep and underrated imo.
Archie and Maxie: I’ll put these two together since in the context of the games they’re mostly the same just a different coat of paint (ORAS made them a lot more individualized though, which is really nice and appreciated ) but they were the ones to kick off the “Harness the power of the ancient legendary Pokémon to accomplish my goals” series of plotlines, and though I think theirs is a bit more underwhelming than the other goals of leaders I’ll talk about soon, I do think it’s super iconic. They’re also one of the few leaders to actually show remorse for their actions and want to stop the mess they created. I don’t think I can pick a favorite between the two, they’re both very enjoyable in their own ways. I also love their rivalry and how they tend to dig at each other from time to time, it’s really entertaining.
Guzma: GOSH I adore this boi, he is SO delightful. Despite him not really being “evil” per se, he does have a good amount of chaotic energy and he just gives me a great big smile whenever he comes into the scene. I love how he is such a softie deep down, adopting all these misfits to be a part of his team and clearly considering them to be like a big family. They’re like a canon found family and you have no idea just how much pure joy that gives me. He’s also probably the most quotable of all the villains, giving us gems such as “It’s ya boi, Guzma” and “Y’all are stupid!”. He’s honestly such an absolute delight and I love him so much.
Cyrus: So Cyrus is one of the villains I only recently started to appreciate once I started getting back into replaying the main series and realizing just how deep his character goes. Game Freak gave this man a tragic backstory and you know I had to go and dig into it as much as I could. You can learn so much about him just by reading in between the lines of how he talks and how others talk about him. He’s sad, lonely, cold-hearted and wants to create a world lacking in spirit so that no one has to ever feel the pain of sadness ever again. But by doing that, he is getting rid of all emotions, even the positive ones. So he’s really willing to stop feeling happy if it means he won’t get to feel sadness anymore either. It’s insane and really something that stands out to people once they grow up. I know I certainly didn’t realize this as a kid. I just really feel for him and want him to be happy,,,
Ghetsis: And finally we arrive at my absolute favorite evil team leader, and the one probably no one expected! I hate him so much, and I think that’s why he's just so great. His writing makes him so devious, so twisted and terrifying that it really makes me feel so strongly about the already genius story of BW. He is admittedly one of those villains that’s mostly evil for evil’s sake and I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s as complex as Cyrus. But darn it, I can’t feel anything but absolute loathing for this man and his twisted ambitions, the way he raised a child to be nothing more than his human puppet...the way he manipulated the whole region to nearly go against us and separate humans and Pokémon from each other for good... the way he was so close to actually accomplishing his goals...the way he was so bitter about losing to the hero of BW that he actually goes out of his way to try and murder the hero of BW2...this man is just absolutely insane and probably the most terrifying villain Pokémon has to date and I will always get such enjoyment out of beating the crap out of him whenever I go and replay BW.
WHEW this took me nearly a whole hour and a half to write, hope you enjoyed my ramblings :,)
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helgabatwrittings · 3 years
Text
When your world comes crashing down don't cry
Chapter 2: Running
AO3
He glanced once again at Adrien, who was still staring right ahead, frozen in some kind of spell that has been affecting him for almost a week now. He wasn’t even writing down anything, in his somehow simultaneously messy and tidy notes. And Adrien always participated in Physics class. He would bounce his leg in excitement while quickly solving all the different problems assigned to them, making Nino wonder, more than once, if he was one of those genius kids he sometimes read about on the internet. But now? He was just staring, the only sign of life from him were the occasional trembling sighs and the subtle shakiness of his hands.
Nino was absolutely certain that something was going on with his best friend. If he were to describe the major shift in Adrien’s behaviour from last week to this one in just one word, he would choose the word “slow”. Everything Adrien did now was slower than anything he had seen from the boy. The way he would take a couple of seconds to answer whatever Nino asked him, how he would trail behind him and the girls when they walked together through the halls of the school, the time Adrien took to look him in the eyes as if he was gathering the courage to do so.
Something was wrong and Nino, no matter how hard he tried, didn’t seem to be going anywhere in finding out what… in trying to help his best friend…
His leg was bouncing up and down, both in frustration and anxiety. Something was very wrong with Adrien, and he kept pretending he was fine! Even now, when Adrien was clearly pretending to be paying attention to class, Nino could tell that he was nowhere near that classroom. Heck! Even Miss Mendeleiev could tell it by the worried and subtle glances she kept throwing at Adrien. So yeah, this was serious if even Miss Mendeleiev was concerned.
The class was silent, except for the occasional whispers that could be heard, it was usually quiet, due to the strict style Miss Mendeleiev loved to adopt, so it’s not like anything was out of place. Nino looked around. Kim was subtlety passing a note to Alix who sat in front of him, while Max kept writing down the Gravity formulas that were on the blackboard. Rose and Juleka were quietly whispering between them, shy blushes and soft giggles could be observed if one was attentive enough. Nathaniel kept his head bowed down, probably drawing some doodles for his comic.
Nino looked behind him, noticing that Marinette’s eyes were completely fixed at the back of his bro’s head, her face twisted with the same concerned frown Nino was probably sporting as well. Alya noticed him staring and smiled adoringly at him to which he answered with a smile of his own.
He glanced once again at Adrien, who was still staring right ahead, frozen in some kind of spell that has been affecting him for almost a week now. He wasn’t even writing down anything, in his somehow simultaneously messy and tidy notes. And Adrien always participated in Physics class. He would bounce his leg in excitement while quickly solving all the different problems assigned to them, making Nino wonder, more than once, if he was one of those genius kids he sometimes read about on the internet. But now? He was just staring, the only sign of life from him were the occasional trembling sighs and the subtle shakiness of his hands.
Like he had read Nino’s mind, Adrien finally moved his head, looking down at his hands, and quickly shoved them under the desk.
Nino knew that this lesson was of extreme importance for their test next week. He knew that, and he also knew that unlike the blond sitting right beside him, he sucked at physics, so he really should be absorbing every piece of wisdom Miss Mendeleiev was sharing with them. But no matter how much he tried, his eyes couldn’t drift from the still image of his best friend. Even his blinks were slow, and… wait a second… Nino’s eyes narrowed to better focus on a small detail they caught. Was that powder on Adrien’s face? Was Adrien wearing make-up? He only wore make-up when he was trying to hide the tiredness on his face, it was always applied so lightly that it was almost imperceptible, but this one was obvious, it was so so obvious…
Something was definitely going on…
Riiiiiiiiiiiing
Nino jumped in his seat. The class was officially over, and he didn’t listen to a single word Miss Mendeleiev had said. He was so screwed for next week test…
He started packing all his stuff into his backpack, while Adrien just stood there, still frozen in the same spell that had overtaken him during class. When Nino finally tore his gaze away from his bro, he saw Alya and Marinette standing right in front of their desk, Marinette was frowning at Adrien, her face was pensive as if trying to come up for an explanation to Adrien’s odd behaviour, while Alya started to snap her fingers right in front of his face.
“Earth to Sunshine!” She called. Nino saw him slowly raise his head in Alya’s direction, seemingly looking past her.
Nino raised his hand to rest on Adrien’s shoulder, which made the other boy flinch and jump in his seat like a scared cat, he immediately retracted his hand. “Hey, dude, is everything okay?” He finally asked.
Green eyes suddenly turned to him, misty and full of sorrow, and Nino finally saw the mask crumbling down. He finally saw the exhaustion emanating in huge waves from Adrien’s inner core.
Adrien then snapped his head in Marinette’s direction, then Alya’s, then Nino’s again. He suddenly stood, and haphazardly shoved all the scattered papers and books inside his messenger’s bag, “I have to go”, he muttered, and without giving them any chance to even react to his sudden burst of energy, he bolted out of the classroom.
“What was that?” Alya asked perplexed.
Nino sighed.
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The violent wind hitting his face felt like a blessing, while Adrien, now in the safety that being Chat Noir brought him, ran across the Parisian rooftops. It kept him awake, it gave him a boost of energy even though his lungs were burning, and all his muscles were screaming from the exertion.
He should have gone back to school, he still had more classes for the day, but he physically couldn’t go back to that classroom and face his friends. The memory of Alya’s, Marinette’s and Nino’s frowns was enough to make his stomach fold in itself, threatening to expel all the little contents inside.
The violent vibration coming from the impact of his baton against the rooftop quickly spread throughout his arms, furthering straining his increasingly weak muscles.
“Ladybug thinks he’s obnoxious, and she’s right!”
All his forces vanished, making him lose his grip on the baton. The velocity in which he was running made him fly across the rooftop with no support whatsoever. He crashed against the black rooftop, his body rolling over it, being only propelled by inertia.
His body finally hit the brick wall of a chimney, and even though Adrien was wearing a super-suit, and his resistance was considerably more significant than if he was untransformed, every single part of him still seemed to be protesting in pain, rendering him immobile, lying down in foetal position with his back resting against that final chimney.
Being Chat Noir used to grant him the freedom he has always craved. He was free from all the press, all the people who chased after Adrien as if they knew him better than he knew himself. He was free from all the expectations, all the demands, all the disappointed looks his father threw at him. He could be whoever he wanted as Chat Noir, and so he pretended and pretended, clowning around, because no one expected anything from him, so he was free to do whatever he wanted, to say whatever he was thinking.
All his troubles would be left behind as soon as he said the magical words, but of course, he knew that they would catch up to him eventually because he was still Adrien underneath that black mask. It was easier to pretend though. And so, he acted and acted, until the act became the person, and he didn’t know who he was anymore. Who was he kidding? He never really knew who he was.
Adrien released a shaky breath. His back was killing him, and the left side of his hip was burning. He would have to apply so much concealer to hide the bruises that have for sure started to form.
Being Chat Noir used to be a blessing in his everyday life, a getaway from being Adrien. But now? It was starting to feel more like a curse. All because of Adrien’s problems, Adrien’s inner defects have caught up to Chat Noir.
Adrien wasn’t trustworthy, he knew that from the way his parents have always pretended that his mum was perfectly fine even though she was bedridden most of the time, that last year she was still around. He knew that from how his father would still not tell him anything about what happened to her. From how they didn’t trust him around other kids, thinking he was just a porcelain doll that would break at the slightest touch. How his father still wouldn’t trust him with Nathalie’s condition. And so, because Adrien wasn’t trustworthy, and Adrien and Chat Noir were the same person, Chat Noir wasn’t trustworthy. And that was why Ladybug was hiding so much from him.
Adrien was unlovable. He could tell by the way his father looked at him, with so much disdain, as if it would be better that he was gone instead of his mother, and perhaps he was right. Perhaps everyone would be better off without him in the pic-
His ring beeped suddenly as if it was trying to stop his downward spiralling thoughts. Adrien slowly raised his hand to his eyes’ level, pondering if he really deserved to be Chat Noir.
No one seemed to like Chat Noir, no one seemed to need him. Not even Ladybug. Ladybug is amazing, she has all those other superheroes to help her, and lately, she has been relying on them more and more, rendering him useless. He didn’t even use cataclysm in some of the last missions. Heck, Rena was already giving him orders and making plans with Ladybug.
They seemed to be so close lately. Adrien wouldn’t be surprised if Ladybug decided to tell her her secret identity, before telling him. And Adrien wouldn’t really condemn her. Rena was a far more competent partner than he ever was.
His breaths started to get more frantic for the third time that day. He had lost everyone. Ladybug, Nathalie, Kagami, Chloé, even Nino. Nino was his best friend, but he hated Chat Noir, who was a part of him, so if he found out his identity, what would that mean for their friendship?
And maybe he’s being overdramatic like he’s prone to be, and Nino really was only mad because he thought Aya was cheating on him, but could Adrien really risk it? Could Adrien ever tell him his secret and risk losing him as a friend because Nino really hates Chat Noir?
He felt like he was going to throw up, the lodge in his throat seemed to be the only thing stopping it.
A sudden flash of green light enveloped him, and the pain from his fall seemed to have doubled, which interrupted the train wreck that his mind had caught itself in. The pain was good. It distracted him. It was good.
A dark shadow flew across his blurry vision, and he felt something hit his wet face.
“-rien” He squinted at the shadow that seemed to be speaking. Adrien is going crazy. He finally snapped and this is how his fractured mind is showing him just how broken it is.
“Adrien, kid, c’mon!”
Plagg was frantically waving his little paws right in from of his eyes. His leg was vibrating.
Adrien further curled in himself, shielding himself from the cold wind that was sweeping through Paris. Shielding himself from all the voices laughing at him for being the joke he is.
“Kid, please say something, blink at me, anything! Let me know you’re here!” Green eyes slowly drifted to Plagg.
“Pl-Plagg…” God, his voice was trembling so much. Speaking was taking an awfully pained effort.
“Your phone is ringing, it’s that hat boy.” Plagg was holding his phone after diving into Adrien’s pocket. “Please, Adrien, speak to someone, anyone!”
“I can’t… He hates me…” He couldn’t look at his phone. His eyes drifting everywhere but the black blob in front of him.
“He doesn’t, I promise you that he doesn’t! Please, talk to him, Adrien!” Plagg cried, further pushing the phone to his face. Nino’s face was highlighted as he tried to videocall him.
The device kept vibrating. Adrien weakly grabbed it, but it fell to the floor as if his fingers had stopped working and lost all sense of how to grip an object. It hit his leg on the way, which seemed to have softened the fall, so the phone didn’t break. His leg though had just earned one more bruise for the collection.
Adrien’s mind was too sluggish, like an old car running its last miles, that it took him a while to realise that a new voice had joined him and Plagg on the rooftop.
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neonponders · 3 years
Text
I’m so sorry that I don’t remember who originally posted about Steve accidentally calling Billy, Daddy, and Billy - naturally - going feral for it.
But daydreaming about this helped me sleep so ~ enjoy! (If anyone knows the post I’m talking about, I’ll happily add a link to it in a reblog and the ao3 notes.)
Read on ao3 here.
Featuring reunion/aged up trope ~ (I didn’t really keep canon in mind for this, but if you want it to be post season 3, that’s fine.)
It’s a strange twilight zone, meeting someone again. Being complete strangers with a history.
Not the best history, either, so Steve just had to laugh to himself while he sat on Billy Hargrove’s couch. The guy looked up from the kitchen counter across the open floor plan. “What?”
And Steve might be internally combusting a bit-
A lot.
Because Billy’s hot. Like...Steve can actually appreciate it now. It’s not the first time he feels like a fool for being too slow. Billy was a looker in high school; easily one of the guys who completed puberty first and knew it. Made him an asshole for it. And people liked assholes.
Steve guessed he just didn’t do it right. Being the mean guy. But that was far behind them, now, and Billy’s late twenties were doing him favors.
Steve supposed if young, spry, Adonis Billy came with being a complete dick, then he could appreciatively leave him behind. Because Billy wasn’t a complete dick anymore. And the man strolling back across the room with a pair of whiskey sours was definitely, 100%, burning a hole through Steve’s jeans better than the show-off from high school ever did.
Steve reckoned Adonis never got laid nearly as much as Zeus or Poseidon anyway, which he only knew from Robin’s ramblings about her Greek theatre class. Steve earned a distinct wrinkling of her nose when he said, “Lettuce? Adonis is symbolized with lettuce? Yeah, no. Aphrodite, that cougar, fell for a twink while Daddy Poseidon was getting whoever he wanted with his beard and all.”
Robin had barked a laugh but chided, “Please don’t ever call Poseidon, “Daddy,” ever again. Oh my god.”
Joke’s on her, because now she referred to the gods and heroes by whatever name Steve gave them.
And the joke was on Steve. Because he was definitely the twink in this new situation he found himself in.
Billy had always been stacked. But the guy walking through the university gallery to make Steve’s heart stop beating in his chest was something else. He wasn’t even bigger, really. Something just...happened as soon as a person could see 30 closer than 20. Steve had first noticed it with Robin, because they spent the most time together. Obviously that crush had been snuffed out with her gentle coming-out to him years ago, but Steve still had eyes in his head. Robin aged really well. Steve had begun to wonder if he was aging nearly as gracefully.
Billy, that bastard, strolled right up to him with a freaking mustache of all things, invited them to lunch the next day - where he had switched to clean shaven - and now sat on his couch in his newly built apartment complex with a sweating, rattled Steve. He had neatly pulled him aside before the three of them parted the restaurant to invite Steve over for drinks that evening.
Steve was unprepared for the sculpted scruff on the man’s face now. He’d never seen a guy switch facial hair styles like he was changing shirts. Frankly, he didn’t know anybody who could just grow it that easily.
Steve gulped loudly around his whiskey sour.
It was Billy’s turn to laugh under his breath. “You okay? You never answered me.”
“Yeah,” Steve said, a little out of breath. “I’m just...reeling, here. I think the last conversation we had involved a fist fight.”
Billy laughed again and Steve’s eyes trailed over the shirt fitting perfectly around his built shoulders. Maybe Billy is bigger. In like a...domestic sort of way. Like he still had all his muscle but didn’t throw a fit over a bowl of pasta. Steve is still taller. Steve still had that, at least, but he sure felt like his second puberty hadn’t graced him yet.
Billy was talking. Pay attention, Steve.
Something about Robin. Steve replied, and hoped he was answering close to whatever Billy had said, “Robin teaches there and some of her students were in the exhibition. It’s an art nerd thing. Everybody’s involved, even if it’s not your subject.”
Steve couldn’t tell if the pause was Billy processing or if Steve had been completely off the mark. Deflect. Reroute! his brain told him, so he asked, “Did we ever ask how you knew about the gallery?”
“Max goes to school there.”
“Oh,” Steve chirped bluntly. “Small world.”
Billy hummed a sound low in his chest. Something vibrated inside Steve and he closed his eyes in a hard blink, grasping at flimsy straws for composure. Billy finished, “I was in the area. Definitely a pleasant surprise to see your familiar face.”
“My Lego head?” Steve gestured vaguely at himself. “I guess this block always did stand out.”
Billy huffed a surprised sound, like he hadn’t expected that, but he let it tumble into easy laughter. “You look good. I never saw you with short hair.”
His fingers pushed the arching swoop of Steve’s fringe behind his ear. The briefest touch across his temple finishing on his neck...
I’m going to have a heart attack.
“Thanks. That goes for the both of us.”
Just like he almost missed never snatching a chance with high school Billy, Steve only kinda missed never getting his hands on that mullet. Only to know how soft that hair actually was. Not like Billy needed it, of course. Truly absurd, how he rocked any hair situation on his head that wasn’t shaped like a Lego person’s.
Steve finished his whiskey in the next gulp.
He could feel Billy’s laser blue eyes notice this, and then he stood from the couch. “I’m getting us some waters.”
“Okay,” Steve chimed dumbly. Feeling dumb.
Jesus Christ, it’s Scoops all over again. You suck. You suck-
“Poseidon liked a twink too, you nimrod,” Robin had teased back. “His name was Anteros.”
“And he dies too, right?”
“Nope. He’s basically Poseidon’s husband and chauffeur.”
“Aw. Good for Daddy P.”
Billy returned. “Are you one of these people who likes seltzers?”
Steve blindly took the can while his thoughts slammed mutinously into, Daddy B. B is kinda cute. Shorter-
“Thanks-
Billy.
-daddy.”
Steve opened the can before it sank in what he’d just said. Carbonation gently kissed his skin as he held the can to his lips but didn’t drink. Some may or may not have landed in his lap before he lowered it to see Billy’s unreadable face.
“Oh my god.” Steve rushed to place the can on the coffee table and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes.
“Did you...?”
“Don’t say it,” he pleaded, removing a hand as if to physically defend against the words in the air.
“Steve-”
His words came muffled from where he hid inside his hands. “Oh my god. I’m gonna throw up.”
He stood up - to go where, he didn’t really know. Probably best to just leave at this point. Way to choke. Way to absolutely choke, Harrington. You don’t even know if Billy’s bi and you just deep-dived into WEIRD-
“I’m really sorry,” he rushed as he stepped around the coffee table.
“Steve.” Billy gripped his arm and pulled right back onto the couch as if it were easy. Steve more than landed in his spot, he landed flush against Billy. His thigh felt Billy’s warmth, and his lips stayed parted to keep breathing when he realized how close their faces were. 
Billy this close was something else, and Steve didn’t have the brain power to navigate it.
“Say it again.”
So it took him a long minute to absorb that. Was he seeing stars? So much for breathing.
“Huh?”
Steve’s lashes sagged heavily over his eyes when Billy leaned tantalizingly close. Either of them could stick their tongues out and taste the other’s lips.
Don’t, he commanded his mutinous subconscious.
“Say it again, Steve.”
He wondered which was louder: his thunderous heart or the racket in his brain trying to turn rusty gears. He whispered against Billy’s skin, “I didn’t mean to say it.”
A hand, gentle but there, found Steve’s nape. “I’m telling you to say it on purpose.”
Was he making fun of him? Steve couldn’t tell. He hadn’t spent more than a handful of hours with him. But his voice made that thing in Steve’s body vibrate and his brain had officially declared itself a lost cause.
In for a penny, in for a pound. Steve closed the gap - tiny as it was - and involuntarily moaned at the softness of Billy’s lips. The hand on his nape tightened and another came to hold the front of his throat; not pressing against his windpipe, but Billy’s fingertips held Steve’s jaw in place and his palm surely felt the drumming of Steve’s heart.
Steve’s tongue couldn’t help itself. He touched the plush skin of Billy’s upper lip, ever so lightly-
Billy groaned, wanton and hungry as he pushed entirely into Steve’s personal space. The latter gasped at the sound, and then he really did see stars as Billy’s tongue fucked against his own. He tasted sour and sweet and the citrus mixed with Billy’s natural taste in such a way that Steve tilted his head for more, pushed right back into Billy’s space.
Steve’s body rotated enough that his knee bumped into Billy’s. Then Billy was gripping that joint hard enough to bruise so that he could pull Steve all the way around to straddle him. Steve clumsily climbed onto his lap, grateful for the influx of air as Billy planted wet kisses and pressed his tongue into Steve’s pulse. He didn’t really know what the boundaries were anymore. This was explosive and sudden and Steve sat, unsure, higher up on Billy’s thighs-
“Ahh!” he burst when Billy gripped his hips and yanked his pelvis flush against him. Steve’s moan clipped short into a small ache of pain. The way his jeans tightened with the stretch of his thighs crimped into his already throbbing erection.
Billy opened his jeans. Steve’s voice escaped with his gasp when the colder backs of his fingers touched his belly as he dipped into Steve’s underwear. He stood up on his knees to give Billy the room to free his erection, and Steve couldn’t help the moan that exhaled out of him when he sat back down, feeling Billy’s soft shirt against his red cockhead.
Steve shivered as Billy’s hands slid up and around his body, mapping out Steve’s topography and shoving his shirt as high as Steve’s collarbones. Steve felt like a lewd wet dream: an exposed, panting mess on Billy’s lap. His heart ricocheted around his ribs with the sharp tickle of stubble, and he whimpered as it scraped over his nipple and chest.
“Your shirt,” he heaved, knowing he was dripping precum. “Billy-”
“Call me what you did before.” He reached into the back of Steve’s jeans and gripped a handful of his ass that had Steve lurching forward and bucking into the softness of that shirt and tummy, the warmth of Billy’s body. Steve whined when Billy held him down, unable to move.
“Say it. Whatever you want. Just say it for me.”
Steve bought a little time by kissing him, hard. Hard enough to make Billy lie back into the couch, his head tilted up to moan into Steve’s mouth. Steve’s lips nuzzled the side of his lips and began an exploratory trail across Billy’s cheek and jaw, down to his throat.
“I just...wanna feel all of this on me. I wanna feel your beard so much I’ll still feel it tomorrow... Daddy.”
Steve’s voice pitched to the ceiling when a hand gripped his hair. Billy’s other hand released his ass cheek to push encouragingly on Steve’s lumbar the same time he drew Steve’s earlobe into his mouth. Steve gripped the couch upholstery behind Billy’s shoulders as he bucked against him, rutting like a teenager. Billy’s own jaw fell for his moan to escape when Steve’s ass and backs of his thighs moved over his own cock trapped in his pants.
Steve tried to slow down a little, to rub against him without making the fabric chaff. “Daddy, what do want?”
If he didn’t feel Billy’s heartbeat before, he sure as hell did now. Steve felt it against his hands as he sought to know the contours of Billy’s shoulders and chest. He watched Billy’s swallow through the gorgeous neck that lay open to him as Billy gazed up at him. One of his hands traced the gently twitching artery on the side. Steve began to pepper slow, audible kisses against his face. When he landed on Billy’s lips, Billy kissed back, and when he wandered all the way up to Billy’s temple, Billy let him. Only his hands moved sluggishly between Steve’s thighs and his waist, seeking skin underneath his shirt.
Steve came back down to whisper against Billy’s lips, “Daddy?”
It was a blur of movement punctuated by Steve’s surprised yelp of glee as Billy threw him onto his back on the couch. Billy kissed the laughter out of his flushed, red throat, growling in satisfaction at how those bubbles of mirth sank into breathy moans.
“I’ve wanted you for years, pretty boy.”
Steve’s brain didn’t absorb that so much as his body did. Pinballs of emotion and sensation darted to and from his groin. He lifted his leg to rest across the back of the couch and to give Billy access to whatever he wanted.
Strong hands moved carefully - fondly - over Steve’s thighs. A stuttering breath left him when Billy clutched the backs of his legs. A sweet ache to have the muscle squeezed there.
“Don’t hold back on me now, baby,” Billy taunted, pressing his hands into the couch on either side of Steve and aligning his bulge with Steve’s hole and undercarriage still inside his jeans. “Let me hear you.”
Steve’s other leg wrapped around him and he lifted his pelvis to grind against Billy’s front. Billy’s bravado melted into an anguished, blissed-out frown as he shut his eyes against the sensation. When he opened them, Steve held his cock in hand, pumping himself in time with his pelvis rolling up to meet Billy.
It was sloppy and desperate and Steve didn’t think he ever did this even as a teenager. It had all been a small town rush to get hands or mouths on skin and get rid of the stigmatizing V-card. Except when Steve was in love, and allowed to take his time...
Steve didn’t know if he was in love now. But as another wave of ticklish warmth darted through him, Steve laughed a little.
“What?” Billy asked, not unlike the first time.
“I just...I just like this, that’s all,” Steve admitted. “You feel good. You smell good. Ahh! I’m close.”
“Let me see you, baby. Let me taste the mess you make.”
That didn’t so much as nudge Steve off the cliff as it drop kicked him into his orgasm.
“Hahh! Daddy, I’m there! I’m there...”
The mind-halting knot of sensation burst inside him with a force that let Steve not even care that he craned his face toward the arm of the couch, moaning and splashing his hair over the upholstery like a romance novel cover.
He realized somewhere in the middle that Billy had grasped his cock and was the reason his climax kept going. Milking little dribbles of cum out of him. Steve hadn’t cum like this in years, and he lay riveted to Billy hastening his rhythm to chase his own cliff edge.
The furrowed brows of concentration on Billy’s face were wiped off by Steve gripping his shirt and yanking him down for Steve to taste him, to plunder his mouth and feel that soft material against his own bare, messy torso. 
Billy shuddered and pushed, pushed against Steve like he meant to bury his cockhead inside as he came. The visual sent an aching thrill into Steve’s core, knowing how Billy looked when he came and knowing that he’d cum inside. It made Steve eager to feel the pressure of his thrusts and the aftershocks when he pulled out to repeat it all again.
Steve had just cum like a seventeen year old and wanted to go all the way, with Billy’s hands all over his backside and his scruff against Steve’s ass cheeks-
Billy’s hand brushed over his hair and eased around to cradle his head. “What are you thinking behind those big eyes?”
Steve blinked drunkenly up at him even though it certainly wasn’t whiskey giving him this high. “My eyes?”
“Mmhm,” Billy hummed through lips pressing into a content smile. He hovered over his elbows, still framing Steve in but not crowding him. Fingertips pressed little swirls over his scalp, drifting around his ear. “I like your big, doe eyes.”
No one ever commented on his eyes. His hair, obviously. His butt. His shoulders. His moles. Billy gazed down at him, searching through Steve’s thoughts. The way he always had, really.
“Thinkin’ about you creaming me instead of your pants.”
Billy turned his head to the side so he didn’t laugh directly in Steve’s face. “Only if I’m not dreaming this time.”
This time.
God, Steve liked what that implied.
His arms came around Billy’s shoulders, loving the broadness and weight of the man on top of him. He kissed him softly, bumping his nose against Billy’s and eliciting a groan while Billy tilted his head and deepened the kiss.
“Again,” he begged through the kiss. “I want you again, Daddy.”
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hxlyhead-harpies · 4 years
Text
The Last Dream of My Soul part 1. (R.L.)
hello everyone! This is the first part of the Remus Lupin series that i’m starting and i am soooo excited. i am still new at this so any feedback is appreciated!! i hope you enjoy!!
Pairing: Young!Remus Lupin x Reader
Summary: The very bookish (Y/n) has spent most of her life alone, aside from her best friends Lily and her beloved books. But when the infamous Marauders get thrust into her life, how could she resist the beautiful and unattainable Remus.
Warnings: Cursing
Word Count: 3.1k
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The yellowing and rough pages of old books had always felt like home to you. The smell of the aging parchment and the worn and weathered covers had always offered you more comfort than any real person ever had. On a bad day, you’d be able to curl up in your bed, lulled to sleep by your favorite characters, and adventures more exciting than your own life. As the years pushed forward this was how your life was. You didn’t have many friends but that was okay because you had your books. Who needed a best friend when you could spend your afternoons in Narnia with the Pevensie siblings or tumble through rabbit holes with Alice? For the early years of your childhood, you were content with the reality that you wished you could be in any world than your own. Your boring, magicless, and unmysterious world.
But that all changed the year you turned eleven. You remember the day as if it were yesterday. You were laying on your bed, your legs tangled in the quilt your mother had made. A Nancy Drew book sat in front of you, the plot of which now escapes you but at this point, you had already solved the mystery yourself. It was a perfect summer afternoon. The sun was out and you could hear the other neighborhood kids shouting from outside your window. They never invited you out to play but you were okay with that; you had far more exciting things to read. You were turning a page, nearly halfway through the book, when you heard tapping from your window. Your head shot up- your reading induced trance was now broken- only to be met with the sight of a snowy owl. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You had never seen that type of bird around here. And you had certainly never seen one clutching a letter between its talons. You carefully marked your page in your book and quickly hopped out of bed. You made your way to the window and attempted to open it, a task that proved difficult for your small eleven-year-old body. After a few moments of a struggle, you finally pried it open. The owl dropped the letter inside your room and flew off. You bent down to pick up the parchment from the floor to see that the letter was addressed to you, and was from someplace called Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From that moment on your world had been flipped upsidedown, at least in the sense that everything now had to change. But to you, if anything, the world had finally been made right. Magic was real- and you had the pleasure of possessing it. It was like some part of you had always known that magic existed beyond the pages of your favorite books. It was as if everything finally made sense.
You dragged your family down the streets of Diagon Alley, absorbing every bit of magic culture that you could. You reveled in the lights and the feeling of warmth that coursed through your veins when you finally picked up the right wand at Ollivanders. You squealed with delight when your parents purchased you an owl and you nearly died of excitement when you realized that pictures plastered on posters in the alleys moved. And when you ran through the seemingly solid barrier at Kingscross station you thought you would pass out from the thrill. And when you got on the train you curled up by yourself in a compartment, hurriedly reading through your History of Magic textbook, attempting to soak up every bit of knowledge that you could.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
During your first year at Hogwarts, you came to the slow realization that you might actually need friends. Now that you knew that magic was real you wanted to experience as much of it as you could, and it felt rather lonely to experience it all on your own. The characters in your books had always had sidekicks and best friends on their grand adventures, and being accepted into Hogwarts marked the beginning of yours. Now you just needed someone to share it with. Luckily, the pretty girl with brilliant green eyes and glowing red hair that shared your dorm had the same idea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
By your fourth year, you and Lily Evans were attached at the hip. You spent nearly all your time together, inside and outside of class, and told each other absolutely everything. She knew everything about you, every detail and every secret, and you knew the same about her. Sure you had other friends, Marlene and Alice were nice and you hung around them quite often, but it was nothing like your relationship with Lily. She was the Elizabeth Bennet to your Charlotte Collins. Nobody understood you as she did, and you didn’t think you’d ever find anyone else who did.
But despite your closeness, you always felt a tinge of jealousy towards her. She was everything you weren’t: she was strong and outgoing, she felt no fear when talking to strangers, and it seemed that everyone instantly took a liking to her. Everyone loved her. She had flocks of friends, granted she wasn’t as close to any of them as she was to you, but it occasionally made you feel unimportant. It also seemed as if half of the year was in love with her. James Potter was evidence of that, constantly making a fool of himself to impress her. Lily always scoffed at him, not finding any of his antics even slightly attractive. And out loud you agreed with her that he was just a silly boy, but deep down you wished someone would give you at least a fraction of the attention that he gave her. But that was how it always went. Lily was the type of girl that boys would fall in love with. You, on the other hand, her quiet and shy sidekick, went largely unnoticed. But everything was fine. Because in moments when you felt lonely or inadequate you could turn to your books just as you did when you were young. Fingers tracing over the words of Mr. Darcy’s declaration of love or Romeo and Juliet’s final moments. And at the time, it was enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was your seventh year when things really started to change. After years of begging, Lily finally said yes to James. You were happy for her of course, she seemed to really like him. And he obviously really liked her. The way that James looked at her could only be described in the words of your favorite novels. But with her new relationship came uncharted territory: Lily now sat with him at most meals, though every few breakfasts she’d make a point to sit with you, and the spot you usually occupied next to her in the common room was now occupied by James. And the worst part was that you were now alone on Hogsmeade weekends, a time that was usually reserved for you and Lily to walk arm and arm around the small village. But despite all of this you couldn’t be mad at her. You saw how happy she was- and her happiness made you happy as well. But you couldn’t help but feel a tad jealous that she got to feel an emotion that you yearned to feel with your entire being. Love.
“(Y/n) come on!” Lily exclaimed, throwing up her hands in exasperation. You groaned, looking up at her from the book in front of you. You were currently rereading A Tale of Two Cities, a favorite of yours that was littered with dogeared pages and underlined phrases. You made eye contact with your best friends, noticing the frustration in her eyes.
“Can you please just come eat breakfast with us?” she asked, rubbing her temple with her fingertips.
“Lils you know I want to eat breakfast with you but I don’t want to interrupt your time with James,” you replied, starting to look back down at your book.
“You’re not interrupting anything! All of his friends sit with us too!” she said desperately. When you didn’t respond to her exclamation she reached down and snatched the book from your hands.
“Lily!” you cried, sitting up and attempting to steal back your book.
“No (Y/n) I’m not giving this back until you come eat with me! I feel like I never see you anymore,” she said.
“Yeah, that’s because you’re always with James,” you responded while making another sad attempt to reclaim your novel. Lily’s face fell.
“Do you think I’m spending too much time with him? I swear I don’t mean to ignore you, I’ll stop eating meals with him and we can go to Hogsm-” she rambled, practically shoving the old book back into your hands.
“No Lily!” you shouted, cutting her off. “You’re not spending to much time with him! It seems like a perfectly acceptable time to spend around your boyfriend. I just miss you that’s all,” you said quietly. Lily’s face softened.
“Then come eat breakfast with me. I want you to get to know James better. You two are my favorite people I want you to get along,” she once again urged.
“Lily I’m not sure… I don’t really know anyone else there and you don’t have to worry I already like James plenty,” you replied.
“Just come, please! I promise that you’ll like his friends!” she practically begged. You sighed in defeat, finally giving in.
“Fine Lily,” you grumbled, standing up to gather your things.
“Yay!” Lily exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
“But, I can only promise today. If his friends suck I won’t come back,” you exclaimed sternly. Lily nodded solemnly.
“Understood.”
The two of you made your way down to the Great Hall for breakfast as Lily attempted to give you a rundown on the group of boys that you were about to meet.
“Ok so obviously you know James, he plays quidditch and is studying to become an Auror. His best friend is Sirius who, I know, has a reputation but I swear he’s no that ba-”
“Lily I know who they all are! We’ve been in the same house for the last seven years,” you said, interrupting her with a laugh. Lily rolled her eyes at you.
“Yes I know you know them but you don’t know them,” Lily replied.
“Fine fine,” you said, throwing your hands up in surrender. “Continue.”
“Thank you,” Lily smiled. “As I was saying, Sirius is not as bad as everyone makes him out to seem. Yes, he hooks up with quite a few girls but he’s actually very funny and is secretly a sweetheart. Then there’s Peter, who I’ll admit is a little odd, but he’s harmless. And finally, there’s Remus. He honestly reminds me of you: he’s quiet and he reads a lot like you do. But he’s kind of a smartass sometimes so watch out for that,” she said, finished with her rundown. By this point, the two of you had reached the great hall. Breakfast was already in full swing and the room was swarming with students. Lily grabbed your arm and led you to a spot about midway down the table. She plopped down next to James, kissing him quickly on the cheek, causing Sirius to make a fake gagging face, before pulling you down to sit next to her.
“Boys,” she said, attempting to catch the attention of all four boys.
“This is (Y/n), my best mate in the entire world, so you all better be nice to her,” Lily stated matter-o-factly. You looked up to give a meek smile to all the boys. James greeted you warmly, Sirius gave you a small nod, Peter waved excitedly, and Remus didn’t even look up at you. You frowned for a moment before Sirius smacked Remus’s arm from his spot next to him.
“Hey Moony, pay attention we have a guest,” he said jokingly before shooting you a smile. Remus’s head shot up quickly, looking from Sirius to you, locking his eyes with yours. Once he seemingly realized what was happening he shot you a quick smile. You smiled back, attempting to hide the blush that the momentary eye contact had caused. You had always found Remus attractive, but you had never been so near him before. Something about the proximity made you jittery and made your palms sweat.
“Sorry about that,” he said, lifting a book from underneath the table. He flashed the cover of the book towards you. The title, Crime and Punishment, was sprawled across the worn cover. You felt your nose crinkle, reminded of how much you disliked the book. Remus’s eyebrows furrowed.
“What? Not a fan of Dostoevsky?” he asked. You shook your head.
“I guess the plot was interesting enough but oh my Godric was it dense,” you replied with a groan. You heard Remus chuckle from his spot across from you.
“Yeah, I suppose I can see where you’re coming from. I am enjoying it so far though,” he replied. You hummed in understanding before reaching for a piece of toast.
“Oh come on Lily,” Sirius said with a grin. “I can’t believe you would bring another nerd along. We already have Remus, we don’t need another one,” he continued. You felt your face heat up, ducking your head as you bit into the piece of toast. Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius.
“Sirius I told you to be nice,” she said before throwing a piece of her roll at him. He laughed before throwing his hands up in surrender.
“Sorry (Y/n),” he apologized. You sent him a quick nod to let him know that it was okay, before pulling out your own book. As you stared down at the pages in front of you, you missed Remus perking up in interest.
“What are you reading?” he asked, setting his book down. You looked up quickly, showing him the cover.
“A Tale of Two Cities. It’s one of my favorites,” you answered shyly. You felt Lily shift beside you before speaking.
“She’s read that book probably a million times,” she said. You rolled your eyes.
“I wouldn’t say a million times, but yes I’ve read it quite a few times,” you replied before shifting your eyes back to Remus. He let out a soft laugh.
“I’ve never read it before. I’ll have to pick a copy up when we go to Hogsmeade. One of the shops sells muggle books,” he said with a small smile.
“You can borrow mine!” you said too quickly, causing yourself to blush. He looked at you, surprised.
“Oh, uh sure. I’ll borrow it when I’m done with this,” he replied, once again holding up Crime and Punishment. You heard Lily snicker from beside you.
“Good luck trying to read one of her books,” Lily said. “There’s so much writing in the margins it’s nearly impossible to get through.” You turned to her and smacked her lightly on the shoulder.
“Hey! It’s not that bad,” you said with a slight pout.
“I don’t mind,” Remus said, causing your eyes to turn back to him. “I’ll be interested in reading your thoughts as well as the book,” he said earnestly. You felt yourself smile involuntarily. You were about to reply when James stood up suddenly.
“Damnit we’re going to be late to potions,” he exclaimed. And with that, you all gathered your things and left.
Potions was generally a subject that you were good at. You often found yourself shooting your hand up during class to answer questions and Professor Slughorn had taken a liking to you. However, you found yourself unable to pay attention to the lesson. From your seat on the far side of the room, you had caught yourself staring at Remus. He was joking around with Peter, his potions partner, and had a wide smile spread across his face. He had scars running down his face, though they didn’t make him less attractive. In fact, they only seemed to add to the allure. His hair was messy and fell into his eyes. You felt yourself sigh when he ran his finger through his hair to get it out of his face.
“(Y/n)? Are you all right?” Lily asked, startling you. You nearly jumped from your seat, hand pressed to your chest.
“Merlin Lils! You scared me,” you replied. She squinted her eyes at you.
“(Y/n)? What’s going on with you?” she asked, scanning your face.
“Nothing!” you swore, stealing another quick glance at Remus. That was when the realization hit her. A teasing smile quickly spread it’s way across Lily’s face.
“Oh my goodness you fancy Remus don’t you?” she inquired, making your eyes widen and face flush. You pushed her shoulder lightly.
“Lily hush! And no I don’t!” you exclaimed as you glanced around the room to make sure that no one had heard her.
“Oh, you totally do! All that book talk this morning must’ve really got to you huh,” she said, waggling her eyebrows at you. You put your head in your hands and groaned.
“Shut up Lily!”
“Only when you admit it,” she responded.
“Fine! But you can’t tell anybody! Not even James,” you warned. Lily grinned from beside you.
“Oh, this is perfect! The two of you are perfect for each other!” she exclaimed.
“Lily! Just be quiet. It’s not like it’s ever going to happen,” you said. Lily looked at you, confusion was written all over her face.
“What do you mean it’s never going to happen?” she asked. You sighed, glancing at Remus once again. He was stirring the potion in front of him, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
“Lily why would he ever like me?”
“Why wouldn’t he?” she replied, clearly exasperated. You turned to her, giving her an incredulous look.
“We have seven years of evidence that boys don’t like me,” you respond. Lily rolled her eyes beside you.
“Well, this is different trust me,” Lily responded. You stare at her.
“How could this possibly be any different?”
“Because you could actually talk to Remus, get to know him He’ll obviously fancy you once he learns more about you.” Then it was your turn to roll your eyes.
“Lily, it’s never going to happen so just drop it,” you responded. You picked up the recipe for the potion that you were assigned to make that day.
“Now, can you please hand me the adder’s fork,” you said, listing off the first ingredient. Lily sighed.
“Fine. But we’ll be talking about this later.”
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