#wonder if losing it is part of growing up and getting different priorities or if part of me got a bit burned out

[nellasbookplanet]

A fun side effect of me starting up drafts of my book rec posts (I currently have 10 drafts. Normally my drafts folder is empty. Its current state is giving me nervous twitches) is that I'm feeling a sudden urge to read a bunch of books that’s been on my tbr for literal years so I can ascertain whether or not to include them as recs. I so rarely have the urge to pick up physical books or ebooks these days, 99 percent of what I 'read' is audiobooks. My brain doesn’t have space and focus to just Sit And Read anymore. I get bored. I get distracted. A single book takes me months to finish and a lot of time I don’t finish it at all even if I'm enjoying it because my attention wanders to other things and before I know it I haven’t read for weeks and at this point I might as well put the book back in the shelf. And I've just gotten kind of desillusioned about reading, and often straight up force myself to do it because I Like This Dammit. Man I miss being a teenager devouring multiple books a week without issue.

But I'm feeling a bit of a spark at the moment! I've almost finished Octavia Butler's Dawn (it’s definitely going on the alien rec list) and it’s so good! I'm frantically trying to decide what to pick up next so I don’t overwhelm myself by Not Chosing and just trying to read five books at once. Let's see how long I can ride this high.

[jksarchives]

THE SIX STAGES OF A BREAK-UP │03

PAIRING; jungkook x reader

GENRE; lovers to strangers, angst

WC; 1.9k

✎ series masterlist

3. ANGER

▔▔▔▔▔▔

It had been a little over a week since Jungkook broke up with you and moved out of what you thought was your forever home with him. You didn’t know what you were doing or how you were still getting through the days, but what you did know was that you weren’t coping at all.

It felt as if you were standing in the middle of a maze, each of your emotions spread out in different directions and you didn’t know where to go. Your mind was smogged, and the emotions trapped within you were suffocating.

But a big part of you was angry. You were angry at yourself.

For ten years, you had poured every bit of yourself into the relationship. You had believed in its longevity, in the idea that you would grow old together, that your love was the kind that could weather any storm.

But now, as you stared blankly at the wall, you wondered how you could’ve been so blind. The signs were there, yet you stayed oblivious to them.

The anger felt hot and bitter, like bile rising in your throat, suffocating you in its intensity.

You couldn’t stop replaying every moment of your relationship in your mind, every fight, every make-up, every quiet evening spent together, trying to pinpoint where things had gone wrong, and how you hadn’t seen this coming.

But it wasn’t just the loss that stung.

It was the overwhelming sense of failure. You had invested a decade of your life into this relationship, built your dreams and your future around it, and now, it felt like all of it had crumbled into a pile of ashes.

You were angry that you hadn’t confronted him about all the signs earlier, angry that you had allowed yourself to become so dependent on him. And most of all, you were angry that you couldn’t stop yourself from loving him even now.

The days that passed without him, your anger only grew more complex, folding in on itself, becoming more about your perceived flaws and inadequacies.

You began to blame yourself for everything — for not being enough, for not doing enough, for not saying the right things. Every memory became a weapon you used against yourself, cutting deeper and deeper into your self-worth.

You had given so much of yourself to the relationship that now, without it, you felt hollow, like a shell of the person you used to be.

You started questioning everything: your choices, your priorities, your value as a person.

You were haunted by the idea that you had wasted ten years of your life, that you had somehow failed at something you should have been able to hold onto.

This anger at yourself was not just for losing him, but for losing yourself in the process.

At night, when you were alone with your thoughts, the anger turned inward in a more destructive way. You couldn’t help but wonder if she had been too blind, too trusting, too naive.

Had you ignored the red flags? Had you clung too tightly to a relationship that was doomed to fail? The self-doubt nagged at you, and you couldn’t escape the feeling that this breakup was entirely your fault.

You were mad at yourself for not having the courage to question him for all those times he hadn’t been acting himself. Those times where he would push you away. Or those times where he simply didn’t have time for you anymore.

You were mad at yourself for not demanding more respect, and for not standing up for yourself.

You felt weak for allowing yourself to be hurt, and even weaker for still caring about him despite everything. The anger made you want to lash out, but there was no one to lash out at except yourself.

And yet, beneath the anger, there was a deep well of sadness, of grief for what could have been, for the future you both had planned together.

But you couldn’t allow yourself to feel that yet.

The anger was easier to deal with, more straightforward. It gave you a focus, something to hold onto, even if it was destructive. It kept the overwhelming pain at bay, at least for a while.

In the quiet moments, when the anger subsided just a little, you were left with the terrifying realisation that you didn’t know who you were without him.

The life you had known, the identity you had built around being with him, was gone. And that was perhaps the most frightening thing of all.

You were angry because you didn’t know how to start over, how to rebuild your life from the ground up without him.

Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone buzzed on the nightstand beside your bed. You sniffled and wiped away the tears that had spilled onto your cheeks.

Your hand trembled as you reached for the phone, hoping against hope that it was a message from him, that he had changed his mind, that he still loved you.

But it wasn’t him. It was Taehee, your best friend.

You hoped it wasn’t another sympathetic message. You weren’t ready for more pity, or any more reminders that everyone knew your life had just fallen apart.

You unlocked the phone and stared at the screen, and your heart pounded at the first text she had sent.

▍HeeHee🩷: listen I know my vision is not the greatest even with my thick ass glasses on, BUT TELL ME THIS IS NOT WHO I THINK IT IS?!

▍HeeHee🩷: *image*

You tapped on the image, and it filled the screen.

You felt your breath get caught in your throat as you took it in: it was a picture of two hands, intertwined.

One was unmistakably masculine, with strong, familiar fingers. The other was delicate, adorned with a diamond ring that sparkled with a brilliance that seemed almost cruel in the moment.

It wasn’t just any ring; it was the kind of ring you had often daydreamed about — simple yet elegant, the kind that cost more than you could ever afford.

Your eyes widened as you recognised the hands, especially the man’s hand.

Could it be?

Your heart plummeted, a cold dread settling in your chest as you stared at the photo. You knew those hands — you had held them countless times, felt their warmth against your own.

Jungkook.

It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving you gasping, trying to comprehend what this meant.

How?

How could he have moved on so quickly? And with someone else?

Your mind raced, trying to make sense of it, but all you felt was a suffocating sense of betrayal.

Your hand flew to clamp your mouth as you tried to control your sobs. The pain in your chest intensified as you stared at the ring on the other woman’s finger.

It wasn’t just the possibility that he had moved on that hurt — it was the realisation that everything you thought you knew about him, about your relationship, was a lie.

How could he have been planning this while still with you? Or had he checked out long before the breakup, leaving you clinging to a ghost?

Your phone kept buzzing, and you knew Taehee was trying to reach out to you to make sure you were okay.

But you weren’t. Of course you weren’t.

The man you’ve been together with for ten years walked out of your life a week ago and was now engaged to another woman.

How could you be okay?

But then, just as quickly, the sadness was replaced by a fierce, burning anger. You weren’t sad anymore; you were furious.

How could he move on so quickly?

How could he do this to you, and have the nerve to say that he still wanted to remain as friends?

After everything you both had been through, after everything you had sacrificed, he was already with someone else, already putting a ring on another woman’s finger.

You could feel the heat rising in your chest, your breaths coming faster as the anger took over. The tears dried on your cheeks, replaced by a tight, painful knot in your throat.

Your fingers tightened around the phone, your knuckles turning white. You didn’t know whether you wanted to scream or cry or throw the phone across the room.

It hadn’t even been a full week, and here he was, putting a ring on another woman when it should’ve been you.

You stared at the photo again, and your jaw clenched so tightly that it hurt.

The girl’s hand, it looked paler and slimmer than yours — the kind of skin tone you wished you had to be more appealing though Jungkook said he loved you and everything about you no matter what.

You felt a pang of jealousy. But it was quickly swallowed by the rage.

You didn’t know who you were angrier at — him for moving on so easily, or yourself for still being stuck in this emotional hell.

But it would make sense to be more angry at yourself. You had let this happen. You had been too trusting, too forgiving, too in love to see the signs. Now, you were left picking up the pieces of a life you thought you would have forever.

You closed the message and tossed the phone onto the bed. You stood up and began to pace the room, trying to calm yourself down, but it was no use.

Every time you would close your eyes, you saw his face, picturing him smiling and happy with another woman in the future you had both planned, and it drove you mad. The anger was suffocating, consuming your every thought, leaving no room for anything else.

How could he do this to you? you thought over and over again, your mind a broken record of anger and pain.

You wanted to confront him, scream at him, bang on his chest to revive the love he once had for you. But you knew you couldn’t do that. You didn’t have the courage to.

Eventually, the storm of emotions became too much to bear. You collapsed back onto the bed as you began to breathe heavily. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal — they all merged into one overwhelming tide, and you felt yourself beginning to crumble.

The tears that you swore evaporated from you began to break free, and they came streaming down your face in an uncontrollable flood.

You laid down on your side and curled up into a tight ball as you wept.

You cried for the loss of the life you had visioned with him, for the years you had spent together that now seemed wasted, for the love you had given that he had so easily discarded.

You cried for the girl in the photo who had taken your place and for the girl you used to be before all of this — before you became a heartbroken shell of yourself.

You cried until there were no more tears left, until your body was exhausted and your mind was numb.

And when the tears finally stopped, you lay there, staring blankly at the ceiling, your heart aching in a way you didn’t think it ever could.

You were empty, drained of all emotion, but beneath the emptiness, there was still that faint ember of anger, smoldering quietly in the depths of your soul.

You weren’t sure how you would move on from this, or how you would ever trust or love again.

You were lost in the sea with no sense of direction.

You just didn't know what to do.

NEXT ➜

[sexyandcringe]

Hopeless romantic

Part 2 ◇ Part 3 ◇ Part 4

Warnings: none, osamu feeling inferior to tsumu :(

Content: osamu x reader, Angst (to fluff in the next chapters), hurt/comfort

A/n: Osamu's POV! I swear i'm gonna continue the story-line in the next chap.!

All of his childhood, Osamu felt like he was divided in half because of his brother: half food, half clothes, and half affection from their parents. It was almost like people didn’t see him as his own person. To the world, they were “The Twins”, never just “Osamu” and just “Atsumu”.

Time changed, things changed, they each started to become their own person, dreaming of different futures and places to go to.

Osamu always felt like he was the shadow to the light named Miya Atsumu, but he loved him dearly, so much that even today he half-expects to find Atsumu tangled up beneath the sheets of their childhood bunker bed, only to be greeted by the disappointing sight of his mirror, where his reflection gets blurred with the lines of his twin brother.

Osamu loved Atsumu but he didn’t want to hurt people like Atsumu often did; he told his brother that he was never going to become like him, so he became a little less selfish, less stubborn and less greedy.

With you, though, he is greedy. And he wants all of you.

He wants to hold you while you two watch some stupid anime called Haikyuu that you’re obsessed with, he wants to listen to you rambling about your day and your disdain for Alice, the insufferable colleague of yours; he wants to cook for you and feed you with his own hands and he wants to wait for you in your shared bed.

Osamu didn’t want a lot of things in his life, except his restaurant and his family, but since the day he saw you walk in with wet hair and drenched clothes, he started to want a lot more than he could afford, from the most mundane acts of waking up together to the intimacy of making love to you.

He is patient though, he lets your relationship grow steadily.

He thought that he would be happy with the leftover crumbles of affection that you gave him, but when you stopped coming to his shop, Osamu lost it completely. 

He was waiting for you around 7 PM like every Friday, he was feeling confident that day and wanted to suggest a casual outing to the neighbouring town's food fair.

(Nothing like a date, just a friendly hang out, he told himself).

His resolve wavered when you didn’t show up, not for one, not for two, but for three weeks in a row. He thought of all the possibilities as to why you didn’t come for so long, and he tried his best not to imagine the worst-case scenario. That can’t be. Nope.

On the third Friday of your absence, Osamu was crumbling. He closed the shop earlier than usual and went straight into the supermarket to get his guilty pleasure: the Butter Cookies.

His grandma always used to get them for him and unlike many other children, he never found sewing tools or anything of the sort in the box; his grandma knew that that kind of disappointment would be far too great for a six-year-old, food-enthusiast ‘Samu.

Well, grandma, that kind of disappointment is too great for a twenty-six-year-old ‘Samu too, because the guy was nearly panicking when he couldn’t find the boxes of Butter Cookies at their usual place. 

He was positive, though, because even after searching everywhere and not finding them, he didn’t lose hope. They will be available in another grocery store for sure. He got his priority straight and redirected his steps to another store across the town.

Luckily for him, the store was still open for another hour and it didn’t take him long to finally see his comfort food, in all its glory, staring at him from the shelf in the second aisle.

He was just about to go and pay for his box when he caught a glimpse of your silhouette, halting him in his tracks and confirming that it was, in fact, you.

Concern etches across his features as he looks at your tired and empty eyes, wondering if you have been taking care of yourself. Did you eat enough? Sleep enough?

The desire to call out to you is strong, leaving him no time to think before he is already approaching you, “That one will go bad in like 2 days.”

You look like a deer caught in headlights, doe eyes staring at him in what he wants to believe is awe.  You smile timidly before saying: “Hi Osamu, long time no see.” 

Yeah, long time no see, indeed. Osamu wants to be mad at you for making him so worried, for not coming to his shop, for not letting him know if you were doing okay, but he is just the owner of a restaurant and you’re just a regular client.

At least, you used to be a regular client. He can’t force you to like his company or his shop, no matter how much he wishes it.

Despite this, he can’t stop the bitter remark that slips past his lips,“Yeah, because someone hasn’t been coming to my restaurant lately.” you visibly wince, though he can’t seem to care enough.

You stutter some poor excuse as he inspects the other vegetables in the aisle, handing you one with a clean surface that will last at least five days, per Osamu’s calculations.

His hands touch yours and it makes him blush like a middle schooler.

You both talk about nothing and everything and in between the mundane banter and playful jabs, Osamu finds himself agreeing to a cooking lesson at your apartment.

And he couldn’t be happier.

Reblogs are really appreciated!

Tags: @lees-chaotic-brain @writingsofanomnivore @pressuredtreasure @k4sumis0u

[will80sbyers]

El is always leaving Mike behind because her story is mainly about herself and finding herself, she can have romantic love too and she did for a bit but that's not the type of love she craves the most. She needs to know there is someone there for her unconditionally for the rest of her life, someone that will be there to catch her when she needs support, even when she does something that's not exactly perfect. El always wanted a family since day 1 she has been wanting a family and she found it also thanks to Mike in part... El's priority is herself, understanding life, understanding herself and growing up, experiencing every single thing she couldn't have... Reclaiming a childhood with a mom and a dad and big brothers there to help her emotionally and drive her around, explain to her about smelly plants and go to get her even when she's in the middle of nowhere... She wanted that and she now has that and she's gonna defend her family over anything else. Romance is good but it always will come in second place... herself, family and friends are the priority.

Will had a wonderful family and friends all around him since he was little even if his father is an asshole too he always had someone looking out for him, someone telling him they were there, he always had a family and great friends and was really lucky in that... but he craves romantic love in his life, he fell in love and he wants to experience that fully, he wants the relationship even if he feels like a mistake sometimes because he's surrounded by a society that made him feel bad about wanting that type of love... having a relationship, knowing someone can actually love him like he wants to be loved, would be so important and make it all worth it. Being with Mike for the rest of his life is what he wants the most right now, it would lessen the pain of knowing the rest of the world hates him for something he has no control over, something he can't change, for how he was born in this world... because if Mike loves him maybe everything he told Will is true, maybe he's not a mistake for being different and the world is wrong. He needs someone that makes him believe that you can be loved even if you're different.

Mike feels like he's a screw up, he feels like he's not worth the love he has around him and he's not that important to others, he's just there- trying to help out everybody but being convinced of not having anything special that can actually do something to really solve the biggest problem his friends have... Mike doesn't feel important in the big scheme of things, he thinks he's just a nobody, a nerd... He started to believe the people that bullied him all his life, he started to believe his father. Mike needs to be loved unconditionally, he needs someone there to remind him how great "normality" can be, how even when you think you're ordinary you still give so much hope and support to the people around you that you're able to give them strength and courage and make things better. Mike needs someone that brings him back on the right path when he loses himself trying to act different from who he is because he wants to be an idealized concept of what "cooler" is...to keep his romantic relationships. He needs a type of deep romantic love that makes you feel like your whole being, good and bad things, is being loved. Something so pure that makes him feel in awe and sends him a positive reflection of himself, makes him see that he's not bad, he doesn't need to be different to be loved.

[sonicasura]

Not sure if the Kaiju number 8 world is escapism for the characters, or me. Probably both. Somehow I always bring KNACK around to sad/weird.

Lucas looks up to Reno, who is older than him but has similar traits. Lucas is too young to join the Defense Force, but in the meantime, he's likely to hang out more and more in that universe and hear the stories. Reno is kind of like an older brother, which is a role Knack can occupy only sometimes.

Once Reno impresses on Lucas how dangerous Kaiju are and why Kafka's secret is so important to keep, poor Kafka feels teamed on when he gets two earfuls about being reckless instead of one.

Knack gets chewed out, too, because Lucas wants to keep him safe. Though Knack may at some point tell him to 'zip it!' When priorities change.

The safety of his friends and family is more important than Knack's own protection. In that respect, him and Kafka's tendencies align.

He burns through Sunstone energy like fire through gasoline, however, those times he gets involved in battle. Kaiju are *nothing* like humans and goblins. I wonder how he might mess with Kaiju sensors, if at all.

Kafka's fatherly tendencies have interesting effects on the KNACK boys. Lucas finally feels listened-to and valued by an adult, and after the boys figure out how Knack's portals work, Lucas feels less and less inclined to return home every visit. Especially after getting into arguments with the Doctor. I think Kafka recognizes this as a problem, but I'm not sure how he approaches it.

The weirder part might be Knack's temperament. Knack's been alive for less than a few years, and I headcanon that this is his only go around with the whole existing thing. So Knack has always been as he is. Kafka has only been half-kaiju for less than a year, but is in his thirties, as we know.

Knack asks Kafka how he handles being different, mistreated for his looks even though he's human. Knack probably made an assumption that Kafka has had his kaiju powers for longer than he really did. Lucas points out that Knack seemingly implied that Knack is human when he isn't. And Knack shuts down after that, only giving one-word answers or silence for the rest of the talk. That's why it's kinda weird and I'm not sure how to explain Knack's feelings. He likes how he is and the way he looks, so he's not ashamed of himself in that way. But he called himself human for some reason.

This just makes me think back to Knack 1 where the Doctor says that Charlotte was his better half alongside Lucas genuinely being an orphan(lost his mother and no father in the picture). He genuinely cares for the two but sometimes his interests get the better of him. I think that's why Knack alongside Lucas have been exploring on their own while Doctor and Charlotte were at the Monk Temple in Knack 2.

A massive argument which makes the older man realize both his assistants need time to grow as their own individuals while he needs to reflect on himself. They do separate on better terms though when Lucas' group ends up seeking the Doctor for help in Knack 2. Both our younger heroes definitely flourished during their personal journey.

It also makes senses why Lucas ends up losing it later on in Knack 2, he doesn't want to be pushed to the wayside and ignored again especially for his blocky brother figure. An irrational fear as Knack would never dare replace Lucas something reaffirmed once the two are stranded on that island together.

Reno and Kafka sorta just speed up the process of the eventual separation. Both give the younger boys that needed reassurance but also validation. Kafka and Knack cope with not being human alongside learning about themselves better. Lucas gets to really show off his ideas but actually feels seen due to Reno than just our favorite himbo. Both people allow our boys to truly grow into their own individuals.

You can say exploring the world of Kaiju No. 8 is like finally being able to leave the nest in my opinion.

[historia-vitae-magistras]

How do the rest of the fam react when Matthew basically loses it after the whole nedcan breakup-kiku drama? I know you wrote a oneshot where Alfred gives him a puppy which was super cute! But I wonder if it freaks them all out because Matthew doesn’t usually draw attention to his suffering??

Ooooh, good question, thank you. So I've gone over like 15 different iterations of the windmill expanded universe, and I'm just using this ask as a brain dump now so buckle in folks, this got long. But the way it happened, without anyone falling out of love so much as priorities shifting and readjusting as time passes. That created a situation where no one's at fault, its not like anyone's committing adultery, but differences in age, experience, and psychology made the fallout very uneven.

So as a Pacific Nation, Zee saw it coming a thousand miles away. Mai's schedule was opening up, and there was chatter amongst the East Asian democracies from the late 80s onwards that, oh, that pointy tulip-headed fucker is in our airports a lot. Kiku has dairy in the kitchen a lot more than he used to. There's yet another new statue to some Dutch fuck in a square in Tokyo. He and Mai aren't meeting up as nearly as much as they used to. So she's sitting on Jack's back deck drinking a beer, going, "Fuck, mate, Mattie's going to be even more depressed than usual." And even Jack, who typically pays far less attention to politics, much less any other anglo's sex life, is wrangling a gator out from under the floorboards and nodding sagely in agreement because even he's fucking noticed.

But then three, four, and five years pass, and things have yet to explode. Matt is so consumed with depression and internal problems that he doesn't realize how much Jan's withdrawn until it's too late, and the not-breakup. He never fell out of love, but when it comes to where Jan wants to spend his time, it's not with Matt. And at some point, that discussion happens, and Matt's absolutely blindsided. The boy who saw Francis and then Alfred leaving him coming a thousand miles away and adjusted halfway decently because he had time to prepare is just bashed over the head with the new status quo. And he doesn't know why. Jan has never sat down and discussed what he did in the far east. Everything Matt knows, he knows second-hand, in the abstract.

So he's showing up at Arthur's in a state even his father is like, "oooh shit" and Matt just kind of lays down and doesn't get back up. Arthur doesn't know what to do with him except bring him a cup of tea and give him an awkward pat. They have a very difficult conversation about Jan and Kiku that's absolutely humiliating for Matt because how could he not know these things? But yeah, Matt just kind of goes down like a dead log and lays there cuddling the cat until he's practically growing mushrooms. Profoundly unwell. Arthur can't do shit to fix it, so he goes and collects Matt's things from Jan like he's restocking the British Museum because he has to fucking something. He gets... rather protective of Matt. He throws out Francis when he starts making pithy comments about how Frenchman doesn't take this sort of thing lying down; they take it on all fours making vigorous love to a third party.

Alfred shows up when he looks for Matt to fix his headspace again and can't find him. He and Arthur got into it because they always get into it at least a little bit, and they're suddenly silent because they realize Matt's just gotten up, hefted the cat under one arm and left the room and gone to lie down in his actual bedroom rather than intervene. And he always intervenes. His prime biological directive is to keep the peace, and he just says fuck it, you're loud; I'm going to go be depressed in another room. Alfred has a blue screen of death. He doesn't understand why Kiku fucking Jan would make any difference; he has his harem of part-time partners. He doesn't know what to fucking do. The head shrinking and emotional support is Matt's fucking job. He gives Matt a solid pat on the shoulder and tells Matt, "I love you, dude, feel better." And fucks off back to North America.

Not long after that, Matt's deep-seated embarrassment about his existence overrides the depresso long enough to eat a solid meal and book himself a flight home. But he's not back for even a month before he's lost his fucking marbles and gone feral in the woods again. And it's not a good time of the year for it. Alfred ends up picking him up from a rural ER somewhere and doesn't know what the fuck to do with a baby brother who can't get his shit together, so he shovels some anti-worm meds and a rabies shot into Matt and puts him back on a plane to England. Calling up their father like "Jan and he were your idea. You broke it; you fix it!"

Arthur does what he hates most in the world and calls Alasdair. He'd rather call in an air strike on his house than call Alasdair for help, but father's favourite knife is fucking broken, and he can't fix it, and if anyone might be able to, it's Alasdair. And lord, even if he can't do much, he does get Matt on Vitamin D and an antidepressant. And he and Arthur practically force Matt out of bed and make him start going for walks and eating more than twice a week. It's all kicked in enough that when Jan sends him some vaguely guilty tulips, Matt hurls the entire thing against the wall, and starts swearing and screaming and throwing shit; Arthur breathes a sigh of relief and starts in Jan, too because oh thank god, Matt's finally releasing an emotion! He gets better pretty rapidly after that because the pressure eases up.

And then when he finally goes home, Alfred impulse purchases the pupper.

[streets-in-paradise]

Best Friends Till the End - Andy Barclay x (fem)Childhood Friend!Reader - Part 4

Masterlist

Word Count 7.5 K

Warnings: Discussion of Chucky induced traumas, massive amount of fluff and romantical tension. 

Summary: Catching up talks go in different directions as you bond with Andy and his sister sharing about your past and trauma. Her friendly approach becomes a new source of comfort for you while you begin to grow closer with your old best friend in ways neither of you would have ever imagined. 

Notes: There is a Halloween analogy structuring part of a scene, it was left open to interpretation if the two universes coexist. Also, I’m %100 sure I will write a part 5. 

Tags: @losersclubisms​

After so many years of being separated,the moment presented itself in the most unreal of contexts. You were finally face to face sharing about your lives and solving each other’s wonders about how you have been going. His sister was also there acting as Andy’s mediator on his tale and you wished yours would have been available to be part of it as yours. Although she wasn’t physically available then, it wasn’t like you weren’t about to call her so she could be warned of the imminent danger. You weren’t sure of how she would take the news about Chucky, but you knew she would ask to have a few words with Andy because his memory had some impact on her childhood despite never getting to meet him. Of course, he wasn’t aware of that because he didn’t know how hard you stuck to the promises made when you were little children. 

“ You start, I can’t wait to hear about you.” You sweetly begged him, insisting on making him a priority on the telling turns. “ Are you aware of how strange-awesome all of this is? When I was a kid you were my greatest hero, now you come back as some monster hunter expert. My infantile dreams have become true somehow, you grew up a hero.” 

There was real adoration in you matching the feeling of your phrasing, sweet admiration that never faded and only remained asleep to be awakened through its own inside process of transformation. By the way you were looking at him, as if he was the most amazing man on the planet, Kyle guessed there was something going on with you. Some aspects of reality matched the image of him you had plenty of years to build alone and you were fascinated. 

Maybe it was too early to speak of that, but you looked like a crushing girl silently swooning over the boy she likes. 

“ I’m just an ordinary man with very bad luck.” Andy humbly corrected you, refusing to see the motive of your surprise. “ More people near me have died than the ones I have actually saved. I told you I won and that’s true, but I didn’t state the price. Chucky took care of destroying everything around me, very few people have survived being in my life and most have left for good.” 

Fearing the sentence would be easily misinterpreted by you as a reproach, he corrected it before you could begin to blame yourself. 

“ I’m glad you did, (y/n). We were too little to understand that was the best.” 

“ I never did. Not spiritually, at least.” You corrected him before you could have burst into tears. “ I never got over it. Look around you, Andy. I dedicated my life to you, to make the sacrifice you made for me be worthy, but I didn't do it only out of guilt. We had a special vincule, our friendship was the very first social experience of my life. If Chucky taught me to fear, you taught me to love. I learned how to platonically love with you, when we were kids you were my world. I have had romantic breakups that didn’t hurt as badly as losing you did.”  

The blatant honesty impacted him, what you were saying was the exact opposite of what his guilt made him imagine. 

“ I’m proud of you simply for making it this far, even if I had to disappear for that. “ He didn’t have the strength to accurately answer you, to talk about his feelings about your separation. “ Raven grew up safe, you two stuck together and you are alright.” 

Kyle knew exactly what he was thinking of when saying that. Barbara and Nica Pierce: one dead and one possessed. That was perhaps one possible fate he imagined for you if he would have reappeared in your life sooner. She held his hand from underneath the table, a subtle sign of comfort trying to get him out of the overthinking. 

“ Ray dragged me into a scouts troop just for the knife training, Chucky would have been the one scared of her if he would have met her as a little girl.” You commented, hoping to tranquilize him within the joke. “ So you know that about us now. He better watch out: we got girl scout training.” 

The cuteness in that silly self mock got him, which left him ready to twist a sad memory into some impressive anecdote to tell you. 

“ I got actual military training.” He commented, carefully evaluating your reaction to see if that would impress you.” As a teen, in a military academy, after I failed the foster system.” 

It did, but the attempt of a self-deprecating joke got a quite intense reaction from you. 

“ Never say that, ever again, did you hear me? NEVER” You corrected him. “Institutions failed you, that’s not on you. I feel someone needs to tell you that because the amount of shit my sister tells me about the system is abysmal. She is away working on her thesis, the last step to get her degree in social work and that’s precisely her topic. Even today, It keeps failing the kids and then blaming them for it.” 

“ A kinder teacher and a social worker starting as girl scouts, you two are the definition of nice.” He teased you to avoid dealing with the effect on your sayings. “ I'm chronologically messy, I got into the academy at sixteen. What do you want to hear first? The story of how Kyle and I met and got our foster home raided by Chucky or how the bastard followed me into the military school? “

“ I know you have always wanted a sibling and I like that you got to be the little one.” You indirectly decided, then smiled at Kyle. “ You have each other despite everything and that’s a wonderful thing. I’m really sorry that he had to screw up everything else.” 

Kyle appreciated your heartfelt comment. 

“ It 's alright, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger i guess.” She answered to then later drop a casual joke before getting into the story. “ Your parents were real assholes with your sister’s name.” 

Naturalization made you think twice before realizing what she meant, but you did laugh once you got the joke. 

The food was getting cold and you were barely touching it, too into the stories you were sharing to realize you weren’t paying attention to anything else. Andy began the tale and the tenderness in your beautiful eyes completely fixated on him was making him melt a bit. It was the best comfort he could get for the grim aspects of what he was sharing with you. 

“ I spent an entire year being passed from place to place like a packaged bomb, nobody wanted to deal with me, untill Phil and Joanne took the risk. Of course, they kept the bomb for too long and it tragically exploded on them.” 

“ What he tries to say is that Chucky came back and killed our foster parents while trying to get him.”  Kyle corrected him.“ You were not a bomb, Andy. You were a seven years old kid, for god’s sake!” 

Your expression showed agreement with her viewpoint and she was encouraged by that. 

“ Sorry, you will always hear him saying stuff like that. Inside of him there is more guilt and regret than man. Maybe you will be able to help me out with that.” 

“ It’s alright, maybe we can start from another angle.” You followed her. “ How is your mom, Andy? I remember her fondly because, you know, your apartment was like my second home.” 

“ It took many years, but she got released.” 

“ THAT’S WONDERFUL! See? After all you did have one piece of good news to tell me.” You happily cheered for him. “ I would love to visit her someday, just gotta make some arrangements and I can go anywhere you take me on my next vacation period.” 

Andy understood by the implications of your words that you weren’t seeing your accidental encounter as an isolated incident. You wanted to stay, to get back in his life, for what he only hoped that the stories he had to tell would help you desist. 

“ So, in this new foster home I was staying there was another Good Guy left by some other kid. “ He reformulated, getting his narration back on track. “ I liked the place and I liked to be with Kyle. I didn’t want to leave but in order to stay our foster parents were demanding that I show normality. I was supposed to prove I left Chucky behind, that I ‘adapted’ because nobody wants a weirdo.” 

“ People think that because we were kids we had to forget easily. One year passes and all our problems get magically solved. The crap I got from the‘ they aren’t in full conscience, they are children! Give them time to repress it and done’ mentality got me where I am. Do you think I became a kinder teacher only to spot Chucky? I want to help children. “ You agreed with him, interrupting him for reassurance. “  I’m so sorry that even in the place you felt the most comfortable you had to stand shit like that.” 

“ It sucks, they have no idea of how it fucks you up even more. The thing is that I picked this doll and began pulling a fake show of how I was best friends with it once more, all just so they would think I was normal by whatever bullshit standards were expected of me. What I didn't know was that the doll was playing pretend too.” 

It took you an instant to show a reaction, shock impeding you to do it quicker. 

“ NO, NO, NO ,NO. Don’t you tell me that?”

“ Chucky destroyed it and took its place.” He confirmed for you. “ That's how he got into the sort of name switching he recently used with Camila.” 

“ My darling, that was so cruel. WHY PLAYING WITH YOU LIKE THAT? Of course you have trust issues, that’s even worse than what he did to you the first time!” 

The overly sweet way in which you addressed him was a new one. 

“ I found him tied to his bed, the doll was on top of him.” Kyle followed, continuing the story so he would get a rest. “ Andy tried to tell us, but we obviously thought it was more bullshit.  I did, at least until Chucky killed Phil and Joanne kicked Andy out. I threw one doll in the trash, but found the other smashed and buried in the yard underneath the swing. I went to check the trash can, but Chucky was gone. He killed Joanne, then attacked me when I discovered the body and held me hostage so I would drive him to Andy.” 

“ That’s exactly what he did to me. ” You interrupted again, disturbingly amazed as if you would have discovered the most incredible bonding point with her. “ Except that I was bait and he didn’t get to kill my mama because he was threatening me with killing her and my then unborn sibling.” 

“ She was four years old at the time and she still dares to say she wasn’t brave.” Andy commented to Kyle, showing evident pride for you both. “ Chucky must have convinced her of that; she would always say that to me.” 

She felt the immediate need of comforting you. 

“ I was a teen and scared to shit anyways, you shouldn’t at all go so hard on yourself.” 

“ To Chucky I will always be the weak bitch, I have feared him from before death. That's probably why he hasn't come back for me. There is no fun without chaze, if the prey is too scared to run, and I was.” 

The reasoning was slightly twisted, but the roots made it somewhat understandable. 

“ You are not a coward, ok? You are not.” Kyle insisted, her kindness reached you in a very special way despite you being almost strangers to each other. “ I have been there, I know how it feels. If there is someone you should believe in, it's me because unlike Andy, I don't know you well enough for you to assume I just want to make you feel better. It’s what I truly think: my little brother and you were tiny badasses, both of you.” 

You smiled as if those words meant the world to you. 

“ I bet you didn’t hide in a closet like I did. “ You mocked yourself for her. “ How did you stop him?” 

“ A car chase, Chucky kidnapped Andy and I drove all the way to the Good Guy factory to save him.”  

“ I wish you could have seen how furious he was when he tried to possess me, but found out it was too late and got stucked.” Andy followed her trace of the tale. “ We made him explode by forcing an air hose into his mouth, that’s how we killed him.” 

You were clapping with your fingertips, eyes wide open, probably impressed by such an end but suspecting it had to be more behind it. 

“ I wanna know more about that, he couldn’t have died in the first take. Do you remember how much it took you, Karen, Detective Norris, his partner and me to strike the asshole down? “ You stopped your friend from considering the story finished. “ Why don’t you tell me about this factory fight like if we were all kids and you two just killed Chucky? Any detail you remember, don’t be afraid to be disgusting and try to imitate his last words for me. I wanna picture him in my mind getting what he deserves.” 

Odd request, but he loved you for it. Andy took a sip of beer, then acceded to get into a prolific telling of his memories about that fight adding the gory details that Kyle wouldn’t recall as well as he did. However, you did begged her to include her contributions or remembered feelings of it because you were very impressed by her referenced actions. A case of reversed identification, you were living your vindictive fantasy through her because you never got to win on Chucky like she did: taking the more active part in an epic battle. 

As soon as the story ended you got up immediately to hug Andy, giving him no chance to correct you in any way. 

“ That was fantastic! “ You praised both while giving an extra of love to him. “ You are my hero, Andy. You will always be.” 

He giggled out of nervousy, a cute dumb smile on his face after as he realized you were the only woman on the planet he could have possibly impressed with a Chucky anecdote. 

“ You haven’t lost your sweetness to Chucky and that’s enough payment for me.” 

“ No, it’s not.” You corrected him in a sweet but snarky tone. “ You deserve every good thing in the world. If I could, I would do anything just to see you happy.” 

There was no doubt that it was an instant crush. You were all over him; if you would have been a cartoon there would be hearts in your pupils everytime you would mention his name. 

“ Mind if I hug you too, Kyle?” You asked the blond woman, back to earth from your infatuation. “ I’m like a Good Guy, I really like hugs and you deserve a strong one.” 

She got up to hug you herself, showing how far behind were her initial doubts on you, to what Andy felt a strange feeling of warmness as a witness of the moment. He loved to see you getting along, the part of him that wanted you to stay was made stronger. 

He later chose to pause his many other stories for you so he could get to hear some of yours. The implicit agreement was advancing according to stages of development, which meant it was your time to tell something about your childhood before he would tell you about his teenage years and Kent. 

“ Nothing was the same since you were gone. We stayed in Chicago, in that same damn apartment, but nothing ever felt the same for me.” Was the strong, introductory phrase of your story. “ Therapists had no real Idea of what was wrong with me because I couldn’t tell the truth, I really couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I was alone in the world, everyone who could understand me was put away. My sister was my only motivation: she became my world when I lost you and I got very concerned about being strong enough to look after her. I forced myself to grow up faster for her: tie my shoelaces, don’t cover my eyes on scary movies, sleep with the lights off like big girls are supposed to. That was the hardest of my bravery exercises to pointlessly prepare for Chucky, the darkness would make me automatically imagine his voice in my mind and he wouldn’t shut up. Asleep I would dream, awake I would imagine him. You were the only thought stopping him, Andy.” 

“ I missed you too, (y/n).” He confessed, moved by your words. “ I carried you with me anywhere I went, have no doubt of that.” 

The comment had you showing a special kind of light to your eyes. 

“ Buckle up your seats, because here is where it gets weird. “ You mischievously warned your small audience. “ My mother has always been a woman very open to the paranormal, but she has her limitations: she would believe in ghosts, but not in a killer doll. Karen’s explanation, OUR explanation, didn’t convince her. While I was spiraling and therapy wasn’t helping as quickly as she thought it would she started to search for her own answers. Our apartment was suddenly full of occultism books and she began to attend parapsychology conferences in order to elaborate an explanation she could believe.” 

“ You told me this was gonna be a ride.” Andy commented, remembering some past casual saids of yours. “ What did she come up with?” 

“ To her it was as if we would have been in a Conjuring prequel and I was little Lorraine Warren discovering her powers. “ You simply explained. “ I was talking with a dead man, I predicted my sister’s sex from the womb; she had enough circunstantial pieces of information to believe I was a psiquic. “ 

The news impacted him, but he tried to dissimulate it. 

“ Still less crazy than a voodoo possessed killer doll. I doubt her theory can get crazier than reality.” 

“ I got your apartment haunted by accident and a violent ghost got connected with both of us. Remember how my father used to scare me as a joke with the Lakeshore Strangler news before he was catched? My mother thought and still thinks that my fear triggered an early awakening of my ‘powers’ and a natural psychic response made me summon the ghost of Charles Lee Ray in your apartment the night Maggie died. I got years of ‘ I know you are scared of what you saw, but you can’t close yourself to your gift’, ‘ You are special, that’s why Chucky chose you. He was a horrible man, but there are plenty of good souls who need your help.’ “ 

Kyle tried to soften the impact with a joke. 

“ What a prideful parent, that lady was desperate to make her girl the star of the scene.” 

“ I didn’t need her pride, I needed to be heard. “ You insisted. “ Mom confused my ptsd induced dreams with Chucky as visions, my craving to see Andy as some psychic connection with him that was distressing me. He was the last person who made me feel safe, of course I was desperate to see him! I had a breakdown in front of the door of his old apartment once: sat there in silence and wouldn’t move, told everyone I was waiting for my friend. After that mom made me quit therapy and searched for a medium to treat me.” 

“ Nadia, right? The woman you told us about.” Andy asked you, disturbed by a suffering he never imagined on your part. “ That’s how you meet her? When your mother irresponsibly refused you therapy?” 

“ She was convinced it was going to help me and, in some way, it did. Not like she thought it would, because I am not a psychic and Nadia knew it. She listened to me when no one else was willing to, she was there for me and that was what I needed. Mom got to her seeking for confirmation, she would have left if she wouldn’t have been told what she wanted to hear so we kept the farse together. “ 

“Wait, you pretended to be a psychic for years just to please your mother? 

“ I grew up between meditation sessions and tarot cards. Nadia became a friend of the family just to keep helping me for real, but we had to pretend she was teaching me to control the power my mom thought I had. I learned divination readings of all kinds, every system out there, and some other cool shit like those symbols you saw. She was the most awesome adult friend; she explained Chucky for me to my sister when she reached the age to start asking questions.” 

“ Really?” Andy questioned you, marveled. “ How did she take it?” 

“ It wasn’t that hard, she was already used to weird shit by then. We got the Chucky talk as soon as we could because I couldn’t wait to start telling her all about how you saved us, as I promised you I would.” 

You were especially interested in letting him know that you fulfilled your saids. 

“ That’s, well, nothing like I have imagined your life would be.” He hesitantly interrupted. “ But wonderful. Someone believed in you, supported you and your sister understands you thanks to her. It’s beautiful, although not normal. I'm happy for you.” 

“ Thank you, it means a lot that you are not looking at me like I was a witch.” You pointed out, expressing an understandable fear. “ Nadia passed away in 1998. She got sick, the cancer was terminal so there was not much that could be done. It hitted me hard, like losing a mother.” 

The mention of that year activated an old alarm on him. 

“ No way, that was the same year Chucky came back for me… Are you sure that’s how she died? Maybe this lady saved your life and you didn’t know it.” 

“ I was the only one in my family who had the guts to enter the room to see her go when the time came, probably because I was exposed to death before.” You clarified for him. “ Natural causes, I’m absolutely sure because I was there.” 

A coincidence, those existed in his life for once. 

“ You know? She would say that stuff like that isn’t random, this sort of date match between your suffering and mine. I can imagine her blaming it on destiny or kindred spirituality, as if even from afar our lives would be meant to tangle. “ You added after reading his guess on his expression of relief. “ Maybe we were meant to meet again, Andy.” 

The softness in which you delivered that conclusion got every fiber of his being weak and he still had to remain strong to tell you about the massacre at Kent. 

Everything about you was a comforting surprise, you were making him feel insanely good and he had no idea on how to deal with that. Part of him, the one he considered most rational, was sure it was too good to be true. He wanted to disappear as as soon as he would be sure you were going to be safe to keep going with your calm life without him.However, what the rest of his conflicted self wanted was to wishfully wonder if it would be alright to ask you out someday or that would be weird to you coming from him. 

With you there was no awkwardness while talking about his life. Everything that would scare any other woman away, you admired him for. It was precisely your reaction to his Chucky stories that convinced him that you were perfect for him. He found you attractive pretty much since the very first moment he saw you at the preschool center, but that initial strike was intensifying at every moment spent with you. 

Thinking of the past bringing you back together, his child self would have exclaimed a strong 'yikes' to the way in which Andy was seeing you as an adult. When you were kids he sometimes used to get the casual teasing adults at that time would do of strong friendships developed between little boys and girls. Everytime someone would call you his girlfriend he used to internally cringe and reject the claims. Ironically, like everything in his life, finding you in adulthood had him begging that you would be completely single for him to take. Knowing that you weren't married was a good start to get hopes, but he still wasn't sure that there wouldn't be any partner that you weren't mentioning yet. 

Insecurities disencouraged him when he made an accidental new finding about you. You were showing him pictures on your phone and he took a brief peek of your photo gallery. Mixed between pics of your cat, selfies, stuff the kinder kids do for you and other cute stuff there were a few ones you quickly scrolled through. He catched a glimpse of those and saw you adopting romantical posings next to a man that was his physical opposite. There were only two possible scenarios in which he interpreted that: the guy was your current boyfriend or an ex. In either case, he himself wasn't your type. Andy was a master in overthinking: on a matter of hours he managed to get a crush on you and assume you would never be interested in him all in one take.

It became the main conversation topic during a stakeout he did with Kyle near the last hotspot of Chucky sighting. He managed to let you out of it explaining that they needed to be sure another Chucky wouldn't go after Camila but you couldn't be seen spying on the family of one of your class' kids. You were no fool and absolutely aware it was an excuse to make you stay away, but allowed it that time despite it frustrated you only because you had context for his attitude. 

Andy tried to dissimulatedly ask his sister for advice, but she could have bursted into laughter hearing his conjectures. Your interest in him was evident, she spotted it easily observing your peculiar approach. It wasn't just the sweet complimenting, you were showing clear signs that he wasn't catching. Hiding underneath all that hero worshiping you were practically throwing yourself at him, so obviously fascinated with the man you were discovering. 

The waiting for them to return felt eternal and the imprevisibility of the moment was killing your nerves. If Andy and Kyle would find a Chucky, they would be facing risk, but there was still the possibility of him being outside your house waiting for his best shot to get you. In the worst case, there could be two Chuckies handling everyone of you at once. They were used, probably felt ready for it, but you would be completely alone and he would find a way to mock your security. The worry for your old friend and his nice sister was more intense than the personal one, but the combination of both was fatal. For so, you ended up going along with some of your learnt strategies to calm the anxiety, starting by calling your sister once more. 

Exactly as you imagined, you two didn’t get much time to talk on the first call of the day because as soon as you told her Andy was with you she begged to speak with him and he gave her the needed instructions to keep precautions. The beautiful smile he had when he got to hear her thanking him for everything he has done for you made you feel a fuzzy, warm feeling close to bliss that you couldn’t explain. You weren’t going to tell her about that, but you wanted to talk your fears away. Raven’s idea of comfort was highlighting the positive elements in the news about your enemy. If the whole doll body was permanently weak, not just the heart, then she was ‘ finally able to perform a colonoscopy on him with his own damn butcher blade’ and so were you. Although quite sadistic and imprecise, it was an encouraging thought. Chucky was, in some forms, weaker than before and the surprise element remained his main advantage. He didn’t have that with you, not completely like in the case of some disgraced fool getting to know him for the first time.

 You had to stay focused, but busy with something that could calm you down nerves wise. Instead of doing some mindless scrolling on the phone before starting to fall asleep, the best was trying various true comforting activities in the wait. By the time the heroes arrived back you were baking cookies and watching your comfort film. 

“ We may have a killer out there, isn’t that enough for you?” Andy teased you as soon as he peeked at the tv screen. “ I thought you were going to relax, but you are just watching Michael Myers do what Chucky could be doing to us for real.” 

The movie playing was Halloween and that choice showed your quite curious definition of comfort. 

“ I use this to cope.”  You calmly informed him. “ This movie has a special place in my heart, the plot is really touching. There are two kids escaping from a killer they call the boogeyman and the prick really wants to kill their babysitter.” 

“ I bet Chucky has never been that tall, not even in his human body.” He mockfully recalled. “ Do you revive that night through this?” 

You had a very simple excuse ready. 

“ It’s cathartic, here the babysitter wins.” 

He sat next to you and your immediate reaction was to cling, hugging his side. 

“ Did you find him?” 

“ I look way too clean to have fought a Chucky, don’t you think?” He mocked himself, attempting comfort. “ Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave until I know it’s safe for you and your class.” 

" I have no rush for that, I'm just worried for you. Are you in a hurry to go? I'm all alone and thought this place could be like our Mystery Gang ClubHouse, the center of operations. There is safety in numbers, If we separate Chucky splits then dolls 1 and 2 kill us one by one. " 

You were trying very hard to justificate yourself while implícitly asking them to stay with you without sounding like you were begging for it. 

Kyle guessed what the fuss was about through what she learned of you in your conversations. You were scared and didn't want Andy to leave you, but you hated to be seen as a coward. 

" That would be a smart move. Thanks, (y/n)" She contributed to your justification without pointing out her observations. " I'm very tired, is there anywhere...?" 

" Take my sister's bedroom, we had a talk about the situation and she felt way better knowing you both are here with me. " 

" I take the couch, if Freddy is fine with that. " Andy followed with a joke. " I don't want to start a territorial fight with your cat." 

" For what I have seen, it's most likely he will abandon me to sleep with you. " You teased back. " Not that I mind. Nadia used to say cats can spot when your energy is low and they are like little rechargeable batteries of positive vibes. " 

" See, Kyle? I am not a cat magnet, I am just depressed. " 

The conversation got interrupted by the ringing of the timer and you had to rush to the kitchen. She followed you out of curiosity about what the hell you were doing at that hour. 

There were many plates with freshly baked cookies getting cold over the counter and you were taking out the last ones from the oven. You must have been on that for hours. 

" Are you baking in the middle of the night?" She wondered out loud. " I guess asking if you are alright is pointless." 

" I had to stay up and focused. My two standard reactions to distress are either insomnia or shutting down my brain and that last one ain't an option tonight. " You excused yourself. " Besides, I want to cheer up my kids with a little something tomorrow." 

In a closer inspection, she noticed you made two kinds of cookies: regular round shaped ones and others shaped like dog treats. 

" Scooby Snacks?" 

" Shhh, those are a surprise for Andy." You clarified in a complicit whisper. " Go ahead, pick one." 

She did so and shared with you more than just her verdict. 

" Great, really good. I'm sure he is going to love it. This is sweet, the kind of sweet he doesn't get often. His first instinct is to take off but, even when he doesn't do it, things don't get like this for him. If you want him to stay, keep giving him more of that. " 

You were slightly disconcerted and didn't hesitate in letting her know. 

" Why are you telling me this?" 

" Andy needs to let more people in and he has never closed the gate to you. "

There was a wide smile on your face when you returned to the living room holding a full Scooby Doo cookie jar. 

" Andy, I have something for you!" You announced yourself with a quasi musical tone. " It's a little reward for your courage, you deserve it. "

He turned back to look at you, then noticed what you were all about.  

" Is that what I think it is?" 

Your mischievous expression worked as confirmation. 

" Aren't you exhausted from being so lovely? " He teased you, blatant honesty coming out from him because of the great surprise. " You have to be the sweetest woman I have ever met. Look at that, those even look like Scooby Snacks!" 

His reaction was better than what you imagined, what forced you to try to dissimulate a bit. 

" I have an entire set of Scooby Doo cookie cutters." 

He tried to pick one cookie from the jar as fast as you approached, but you stopped him and he knew the reason. 

" There is only one ríght way of having Scooby Snacks and I know you know it. " 

Andy was simply astonished with your softness and the particularly sweet way you had to evoke your purest memories. His líps parted, allowing you to delicately feed him the cookie in shared excitement.  

You were staring lovefully at him, your inner child feeling like healing while your adult self couldn't help find him incredibly adorable.

He tried to return the gesture, but your first reaction was refusing.

" I don't deserve one unless you have a scary task in mind for me to do." 

He found you so cute that he was barely able to believe his own feelings. 

" Your scary task, (y/n), will be standing me tonight. " He replicated mocking himself to avoid what he thought would make you uncomfortable. " I'm a light sleeper and even when i am tired i don't fall asleep easily."

" So, not looking for clues in some dark abandoned toy store. " You followed, in tone with the joke. " Those have to be the easiest earned Scooby Snacks ever. " 

" You helped me win the trust of the kids and your classroom activity forced that girl to bring her Chucky. Without you that one would still be out there. " He insisted once more, proving to you the impact of your contribution. " Open up, you earned it. " 

You obeyed, circumstantially convinced by his words. Worries and fears faded almost exactly like when you were kids, but with one big difference. Feeling his eyes following the action, as he felt yours before, brought a kind of tension nonexistent back then. You glanced at each other's lips like you never thought you would. 

Andy finished the rest of the movie with you feeling in disbelief with what was happening. You weren't afraid of seeking intimacy, cuddling on the couch with him and talking about your experiences babysitting as a teenager. To increase his surprise, that closed the circle explaining how Chucky marked the path of your life. You went from hyper responsible eldest sister acting like a mini parent to highly recommended teenager babysitter with girl scout reputation to kindergarten teacher, all of that with the side ingredient of the secret occultist hobby your mother imposed on you.  

The closeness was there, both physically and sentimentally.

" You have warm hands." He heard you whispering in a fully relaxed tone " A chiromant would say that means you are a passionate man. " 

He instinctively retired the hand he had posed over your shoulder as if he would have done something wrong and you chuckled. 

" I am not going to hex you, Andy. My friend wasn't a witch. " You softly teased him, believing he got scared of you. " She was a woman of special sight. All we discussed was rules of the ghost world,exorcisms she performed and divination because that was all she used to work on. Actually, the first nice thing Nadia did for me was describing Charles after seeing him on a vision in her first reading of me. She helped me draw him so I could give my monster a face. A human face, something that could make him stop being the boogeyman with a doll mask. " 

" The masked man." He recalled. " You weren't entirely wrong on that. "

" There was a mystery to solve, just not the one I thought first. I do wish I could have seen his face for real like she did." 

In the TV screen Michael Myers was getting unmasked through the fight with Laurie, irony making you laugh together when it happened. Andy didn't remember that part and you weren't aware it was coming because you were distracted with him. 

" Is that why you want so badly to fight Chucky?" He asked you, quickly connecting dots. " Do you want to be like her?" 

You nodded in affirmation and the innocent expression on your face made him wish he could treasure you forever. 

" What if i tell you that you already are, even if you never got to single handle the bad guy? Daphne never did and she is amazing. " 

You had a quick objection to make. 

" What about the live action?" 

" Forget the live action, I'm talking of classic Daphne. " 

Andy wanted to cheer you up, but he was about to masquerade some very personal impressions of you through it. 

" She is kind, positive, and sometimes helps the gang with common objects she finds in her purse like freaking Mcgiver. I don't need a Buffy Daphne, I have always loved her like she was. She has been the villain's bait a few times, so what? She is sweet and beautiful. Shaggy is ríght there being a stoner dumbass and he has been the gang’s bait for the villians more often than her being taken away."

" Don't talk shit about my true love! " You cheerfully complained. " Shaggy may be a stoner dumbass, but I love him. " 

Andy felt so thankful of the fact that you were paying attention to the movie's ending instead of looking at him, because he was a weak mess. Through that description of Shaggy he was thinking of himself: you grew up into becoming the sweet, beautiful woman and he was the stoner dumbass.

" LOOK, LOOK! You are going to miss the part when the doctor shoots him!!" You were commenting with excitement. " I always get massive throwbacks here." 

He pulled you a bit closer and you were very receptive, holding his free hand. 

" Nice warm hands, indeed. You are either full of passion or anger... or both. " 

He looked at you skeptically. 

" Do you really believe in that? I thought it was bullshit your mom made you learn. " 

" It's a system of symbols like any other, Andy. I can read palms as I would read a text. " You patiently explained. " I don't have the power allowing me to go further, but I can interpret in base of what I know the symbols mean. " 

It awakened some curiosity in him. 

" So, you can't know for sure if Chucky is going to kill me tomorrow. What can you actually learn from my hand?" 

" I can get to know you better." You mischievously commented. " Chiromancy is to me more about discovery of personal traits than divination of the future. " 

He turned it into a challenging proposition. 

" Go ahead, read me. If you guess ríght anything about the mess I am in, you can consider double checking if you actually lack psychic abilities."

You accepted, turning off the tv and indicating him the perfect posture to adopt for his reading. He extended the palm of his ríght hand for you and you began to concentrate in a prolific examination. 

The experience was way more intense than what he imagined on the initial discredit. The proximity, mutual staring involved and the delicate touch of your fingertips all in once was too much for him. Your touch was following the lines of his hand, his knuckles, even the softest trait mattered to you as if you were discovering him as a whole through that. 

" Since I want to know first how much of that warmt is passion and how much is anger, I'm gonna go straight to the source. Venus and line of heart." You were explaining to him, reasons falling in a numbled mind whose only thought was you. "mmhh .. That's a surprise, Andy. Are you a repressed romantic? " 

He didn't know how to react. 

" Excuse me?" 

" Means that there is a shit ton of love inside of you with no clear outlet. " You replicated." Mars shows us some anger, frustration, but that's not the end of it. That warmt you have inside is more than just hate for Chucky. " 

It was starting to get scary, but he didn't want you to stop. 

" What else do you find?" 

" A persistent want for love, romantical love." You continued. " Dating you must be a delight, I bet you are the kind of guy who knows how to treat a girl ríght." 

One second of eye contact while delivering that phrase and he was done, praying that your grip of his hand wouldn't show him melting to you as he was. 

" Tell that to all the women who ran away after a quick google search. " He casually commented, confessing himself through the intimate moment. " It hasn't been easy, I can't be open with anyone and if i would they wouldn't believe me. "

" You know? I may not appear in page number one of the case search, but if you dig deep enough my name shows up too. " You tried to comfort him. " A few failed relationships afterwards, I can assure you I would have prefered to have the Chucky talk on the first couple of dates. It's part of my life: if he can't love me despite that, then he ain't the man for me." 

" Do you really think that or are you just saying it to make me feel better?" 

You chose to elaborate on that because you both needed it. 

" From all the bullshit he said, Chucky was ríght in just one thing: my dad never loved my mom. By the time she realized she wasn't going to divorce because she was afraid of creating more trauma, the real trauma was living among them. The thing is that I'm always afraid of repeating the cycle and, to me, that would be like letting Chucky win." 

" In his twisted way, he has raised us.. Didn't he?" Andy commented, trying to soften the impact. " Never listen to anything he says, he is a specialist on eating brains with crap." 

" I have never felt loved to a level that would make me stop fearing. " You added without thinking. " None of my partners had made me feel that much safe about their feelings. There was love, of course, but not enough for any big steps. Passing the initial dating phase means nothing if you don't feel safe enough to give yourself completely because you fear the other half could not retribute the same amount. It may sound silly and childish, but after what I have seen on my parents..." 

" You want a man that would be willing to give you all of him." He completed your phrase. " Did I guess that ríght? " 

You pressed a kiss on the inner side of his wrist, right at the pulse point, and both of you pretended not to feel it rise.

[yuulina-vre]

Therapy - Three

Pairing: Steve x Bucky, Platonic Stucky

Summary: When Bucky returned from his service, there were many things different about him. An arm less, metal baggage more. What stays is his loving husband that tries to help him through life again and images he'd rather forget

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3.2k

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

The first appointment was set for the next day, though the moment Bucky leaves the facility he’s not able to relax. His thoughts constantly drift back to what the girl had said. Being a shifter means losing one of your sides, losing a part of you. Bucky knows exactly how that feels, though it might be a bit different for her. He had a sudden experience with losing half his memory, not knowing who or what he is. She had to grow up with it in mind, knowing she never would be free while he had his whole childhood and most of his time before the military to just be and never wonder how to live. “Bucky? You coming?” He hasn’t realized that he had stopped walking at the doors, staring at the floor. He nods quickly to Steve and follows him to the car in absolute silence, earning him a few looks from his husband. The first few minutes in the car also pass in silence until Steve turns to the side, stopping in a small parking lot. “Are you okay? We can still tell them no.”

“No. No, I’m alright, just-”

“It’s a lot, huh?” Steve turns in his seat to fully look at Bucky, his hand slowly reaching over to squeeze his. “Yeah.” He breathes, his eyes slowly rising to Steve’s. “Do you- Do you think we do the right thing? With trying with her? I don’t like to disappoint her by telling her it won’t work after getting her hopes up. It’s not fair.”

“Buck.” Steve sighs squeezing his hand again. “This is mainly about you and even if I’m not fine with how things work for the shifter, we can’t think about everyone. Our priority at the moment is you”

“I know but…” A sigh leaves his lips, his eyes closed, and he leans back in his seat so his head rests against it. “I just think she’s…” He trails off and silence fills the car again. Until Steve’s teasing voice interrupts it. “Do you have a crush?”

“What? No!” Bucky’s head snaps up to look at Steve in shock, though his husband has a smirk on his face. “You asshole.” He punches Steve slightly in the shoulder before a small laugh slip past him. The first in a few days. “I just think- Have you seen her face as she told us about the options? She looked so sad but as she told us about the third option it was- She seemed happy about it. I don’t like her sad, but I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“Okay, here’s what we do. We go to these appointments, try to learn about her as a dog, and then we can propose a two-week arrangement living with us as human, or whatever.” Steve leans over, placing a gentle kiss on Bucky’s lips. “We’ll go from there, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.” Bucky stares into his eyes for a moment longer, his hand now clutching Steve’s. “I love you.” A boyish grin appears on Steve’s face, paired with a smug expression. Bucky rolls his eyes, but he feels his own lips twitch into a soft smile. Who knows. It might be a good idea, nonetheless.

The rest of the drive home is spent in silence again, but this time it doesn’t feel as uncomfortable as before. Bucky watches the trees; people cars and buildings pass by them, but his mind is still on the women. Could this really work out? He knows he’s a handful and he knows Steve sometimes struggles with him. He doesn’t say it of course but he can see his eyes, the exhaustion. From time to time, he asks Sam if Steve said something, and though he’s reluctant to spill any information he has he confirms it. Getting a third person involved can end badly. For each of them, for their love, their friendship, and their marriage. Bucky feels his chest constrict and before he can throw himself back into a panic attack or something else, he turns to Steve. The blonde is entirely focused on the road, but he is relaxed. He looks happy. Once again Bucky is questioning himself how he managed to land such a beautiful man and get him to marry him. It might help that they know each other for almost all their lives. “Stevie?”

“Hm.”

“Can- Can we go eat something?” the car suddenly jerks a bit as Steve looks at him with wide surprised eyes. he quickly scrambles to right their course before he peeks at Bucky again. “What?”

“Can we go eat something?”

“L-like in a diner?”

“Yeah?” Bucky feels small and unsure after Steve’s reaction. The blonde stares a second longer before he laughs happily and slaps his hand hard enough on Bucky’s shoulder that it hurts a bit. “Of course, we can.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. I was just surprised. You didn’t like going out after returning. But, I’m glad.” Bucky smiles a smaller smile, a bit nervous about the prospect of sitting somewhere unfamiliar with people he doesn’t know and a surrounding he hasn’t scouted out beforehand. “We look for a small one, yeah?” bucky nods, his eyes trained on Steve as he giddily drives along the Street, now in search of something promising to eat in. Well, maybe I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I certainly am the luckiest to have this dork.

“And? What do you think?” Greta turns to Y/N just after the men left and the door closed. She seems pretty excited and happy. Y/N bites a bit on her lower lip before her eyes meet Greta’s and she shrugs. “I don’t know yet. It’s too soon though they didn’t seem disgusted right away.” Her eyes flick to the other side to look out of the window. “Doesn’t mean much, though.” It really doesn’t. Y/N’s tightly set on not getting her hopes up. She had a few people come and look, who didn’t look to mind her shifting but, in the end, they didn’t even try to take walks with her or anything. They always canceled the appointment for the next day to rather look at another dog. Y/N then buries herself deeply in her room or goes down to an empty office to work on bookkeeping. It would be awkward to see them walk around the facility after turning her down, right? “Y/N.” Greta’s hand gently places on her knee, forcing her to look back at her friend. She wears a small sad smile on her face, eyes gentle and sympathetic. “They didn’t seem to mind and if I’m honest, I think that Mr. Barnes-Roges seems to really consider it. He didn’t look very happy about even getting an animal or even being here. I think his husband is more for the idea than he is.” A soft giggle leaves Greta’s lips. It’s enough of a good spirit to lift Y/N’s own lips to a gentle smile. “I hope so.” Rolling her shoulders, she casts a last look out of the window before she stands up. Her eyes fall onto the small folder with the man’s details, trauma, and whatever. “Do you mind if I don’t read his report? I’d like to hear it from himself or learn about it as the time passes.”

“Of course, dear.” Greta pats her hand with another soft smile and then returns to her work. “Don’t overthink it Y/N. You know it just makes you nervous.”

“I know.” Y/N gifts her a last fleeting smile before she leaves the office, closing the door gently behind her.

For a moment she stands in the hallway, leaning back against the door. She takes a deep breath with her eyes closed. She feels a bit drained all of a sudden. When she opens her eyes again, she’s greeted by the opposite wall. A Doberman smiles at her. “Yeah, right.” Scoffing at the happy animal she pushes herself off the door and walks down the hall only to slip into a door that leads her to a staircase. She climbs up to end up on the first floor where the private rooms are. Her mind is relatively empty as she enters her room. It’s not a big one. There’s enough space for her bed, a dresser as well as a small sitting area, and her bookshelf. Another door leads to her tiny bathroom that’s not much larger than a shoe box. But it's hers. For a moment Y/N just stares at her bookshelf as a question pops into her head. Should she prepare to pack up or not?

There’s no time to really dwell on that question. A knock on her door indicates a visitor. Y/N doesn’t really feel up to talking to anybody. She doesn’t know what to feel and what to think and talking about that isn’t really making it any easier. Still, she answers the door and finds one of her friends in front of her.

“Harper.”

“Hey.” The blonde curly-headed girl smiles brightly at her. Harper is a bit younger than Y/N and pretty energized and always happy. No wonder her shifted form is a border collie. The young girl walks past her, not waiting for an invitation, probably because she knows Y/N won’t give her one. She walks straight to the bed and flops down. “Harper now is not a good time.”

“Why? Because of the hot guy that looked at you earlier? Man, they were both handsome.” Harper sits up with a beaming grin, shuffling on the bed in anticipation. “Tell me. How are they? Are they nice? Do they want to take you? Come oooon.” She whines pathetically and Y/N is left to roll her eyes. That was what she didn’t want. “They were alright.”

“Just alright? Come on. Give me some juicy details.”

“There aren’t any. I don’t know anything.” Y/N shuts the door and walks over to her friend, flopping down beside her. “But… You have to know something.”

“Harper…” Tired, Y/N closes her eyes. it also helps her to avoid her friends staring. “What’s wrong?” Harper’s voice suddenly turns concerned, gone is the happy chatting. “I don’t know…” Y/N sighs but doesn’t look at her friend nor does she move. “Hey.” Harpers warm and finds its place on Y/N’s arm, softly rubbing up and down. “It will be alright. Give them a chance. I’m sure this time they won’t cancel last minute. Okay?”

“Hope so. They seemed nice.” She opens her eyes to stare blankly at the ceiling. They really seemed nice.

James wakes with a head-splitting ache in his temples. He knows exactly where it comes from but admitting to it would only give Steve the chance of grinning smugly. Before hovering. Going to bed at 3 am is probably not as good an idea if you have to get up around 7 am. So, with a little less than four hours of sleep he slams his hand on the annoying device, blaring music he doesn’t like in his ear so he gets up. A groan leaves his lips, head buried in his pillow, arm sluggishly hanging down from the side of the bed. His fingers gently touch the ground, and his legs tangle with the blanket. He feels the soft breeze of the morning air on his naked back. Steve must have opened the window. Bucky hates it if he does it. It means that he’s awake long enough, so his side of the bed got all cold and the blonde’s probably all chipper now. Bucky is very much not a morning person, at least not before he has his first two cups of coffee. A groan leaves his lips, feeling much too tired. “Buck? You’re awake?”

“No. ‘m sleeping, Steve.”

“Okay. Then I’ll eat all the pancakes myself.”

“Don’t you dare!” Despite his words, he makes no effort to glare at Steve, never mind get up. He can practically see Steve’s frown building up on his face. His eyebrows are drawn together, creating a small wrinkle between them, his hand probably tart nervously flexing with an inner debate. “Are you alright?” A heavy weight on the mattress makes it dip, not a second later a large warm hand joins the cold breeze on Bucky’s back, rubbing it in circles. “Head hurts.”

“How long were you awake? Till three?”

“Hm.” No point in denying it now. If Steve asks like this, he already knows the answer. Either he woke up and saw bucky wasn’t in bed or he woke as Bucky crawled in beside him. “Something else?”

“Nauseous.” It’s not a lie, technically. He doesn’t feel like vomiting but there’s an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Enough to know it could get worse as the day progresses and either end in actually vomiting or a panic attack. Bucky’s not a stranger to both options. “because of your appointment with the facility? Or just in general? If you’re getting sick, we can reschedule. I don’t think they would mind.” The hand on his back gets a bit firmer, pressing a bit harder into his back, enlighting another groan from Bucky’s lips. “Think because of later.”

“Aw, my poor baby.” The mattress shifts again, this time as Steve leans over to press his lightly chapped lips against his shoulder blade. “Come on handsome. We eat some pancakes, take a shower and then get going. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“Hmpf.” Bucky doesn’t move much, he only picks his hand from the floor, sluggishly grabs for the one Steve’s currently not using, and grabs it tightly. “You join?”

“On what? The walk or the shower?”

“Both?” This time he looks up at his husband. His hair’s falling all over the placing, covering most of his face, though Steve’s quick to stroke it away. A major mistake on his side. He only reveals Bucky’s big round puppy eyes, which he knows gets Steve to do all the things he wants him to do. A smirk plays around the blonde’s lips as he presses yet another kiss on Bucky’s skin. “You know, I would have joined without this look anyway.”

“Can’t never be too sure with you.”

“You’re one to talk.” Steve snorts and gets up, extending his hand for Bucky to take. He lets himself get dragged to the kitchen and flops on the next best chair while Steve loads a plate with way too many pancakes. Bucky’s so in love with him, it’s ridiculous.

A plate full of pancakes and a slightly longer shower than necessary later, Bucky sits in the car, hands wringing nervously as his eyes flicker around the passing people, trees, and cars. Now and then he sees people walking their dogs. An unpleasant feeling stabs his stomach each time. He’s nervous. He doesn’t want a dog, still certain he doesn’t need one, but he doesn’t want to disappoint either Steve or that girl. He will give this a try but … He doesn’t even know what makes him so nervous. Maybe it is the fact that he doesn’t need a therapy dog and his own stubbornness wants t to convince him otherwise or it’s the fact that the dog he’s getting is a woman. However, he doesn’t have the time to figure that out because Steve’s already parking in front of the building. Greta is already standing in front of the doors, waiting with Y/N beside her on a leash. His eyes fix on the dog for a moment. Y/N lies on the ground with a somewhat bored expression. Her eyes are closed as far as he can see. Swallowing thickly, he unbuckles himself and throws a last look at Steve. “It will be alright. Okay?” Steve squeezes his knee but doesn’t wait for a nod before he exits the car. Bucky takes a last deep breath before he follows suit. His eyes are, again, drawn back to the dog. Steve’s already there patting and stroking soft fur while already talking to Greta. Y/N doesn’t look that bored anymore, she sits and licks at Steve’s cheek but the moment she sees Bucky she perks up. Bucky can hear her whine a bit, tugging on the leash until Greta scolds her. Though she lets go of the leash and Bucky is faced with a fast dog running up to him. He gets ready to be tackled by a few pounds of heavy Australian shepherd but is pleasantly surprised as Y/N stops in front of him. She quickly sniffs his shoes, then his hands, and leans her head into his left one to get some pats from him while still licking his wrist. He even thinks he hears a low needy whine from her. “Eh… Hey, Y/N.” He strokes behind her ear and watches as her tongue lolls out and her tail swivels around. He can see Greta and Steve still talking, though both of them are now looking at him. Sighing he stops his pats and walks over to them, greeting the elderly woman and keeping close to Steve. Y/N follows him, leash dangling behind her. He notices again how she keeps close to his legs, nearly pressing into them. It feels nice, he has to admit that. It’s almost like walking with Steve. “Well, shall we?” Greta smiles, picking the leash up and passing it to Bucky. Here it goes. Greta passes the leash over to bucky and motions for him to start walking. “She’ll stay close to you at all times. Flex your hand for her to sit, especially if we cross a street. Make a fist if you want her to stay where she is. Otherwise, just ask if you have any questions. And don’t be afraid.” Greta places a gentle hand on his shoulder, her eyes sending a knowing look his way. Bucky can’t shake the thought that Steve spilled his nervousness to her. Or she just had enough people coming to know what to expect. “She’s a sweetheart and knows what to do.” Bucky nods numbly, not even able to look her in the eyes. instead, he looks up and down the street, not knowing where to go. “Hey.” Steve’s hand slips into Bucky’s free one, clutching tightly to his clammy skin. “Wherever you go is fine, okay? Even if we just walk around the block.”

“I don’t know Steve… This is-” Yeah, what is this? Overwhelming? Out of his comfort zone? Unnecessary?

“This is a new situation, I know. But it’s set to help you and it doesn’t hurt to try.” Steve presses his lips to Bucky’s cheek. It’s those kisses that he regrets to not shaving his beard off. He loves the feeling of Steve’s lips against his skin, loves the tingling feeling that his kisses send down his spine to mingle in his stomach. Still, the kiss does what it was for. It settles Bucky’s nerves down a bit more and actually gets him starting to walk. “You’ll do fine, love.” Steve stays at his side, hand holding this as silent support while he idly chats with Greta. Bucky’s focus stays on the street ahead, on the people passing them. Each time he feels his breathing hitch because someone coming too close, he feels Steve’s hand tighten and a comforting pressure against his leg. Maybe, just maybe, Y/N will help him sometime.

[reliabilitybook]

5 Ways To Read More Books And Establish A Habit Of Reading Regularly

Today's hectic world, finding the time and motivation to read can be difficult. It is a crucial habit, which can improve your well-being, broaden your knowledge and increase your vocabulary. If you're trying to read more books and get into the habit of regularly reading, here are five effective methods to start.

How to get more reading and improve your reading habits

It is important to read because of a variety of reasons. Reading can be a great way to learn and escape from stress or to gain new perspective. Incorporating reading into your daily routine, you can experience these benefits, and much other benefits. These are 5 practical tips that will help you increase your reading and incorporate reading into your routine. Check here to discover an useful reference on books.

Reading goals is crucial to set

Set reading goals to help you feel motivated and have the motivation to do something. Choose how many books in an agreed-upon timeframe that you would like to read. It could be the equivalent of one book every month, or one every two weeks or some other acceptable goal. Write down your reading goals and monitor the progress you make. You will be held accountable for your goals and remain motivated.

Design an Reading Schedule

A dedicated reading plan is among the most effective methods to ensure that you are always reading. Set aside a certain time throughout the day to spend time reading. It might be on a Saturday morning or during lunch breaks or even before bedtime. The key is consistency. Sticking to a routine will make reading a part of everyday life.

It is recommended to read it every day and make it a priority

Incorporate reading into your daily routine and make it a priority. Instead of grabbing your mobile or the television in your spare time, pick up a book instead. Use these moments, whether you're on your way to work, in the line, or sitting at home to get a book. When you make a conscious decision to choose reading in place of distractions You'll have more chances to sit down and read. You'll gradually build a habit.

Explore Different Genres and Topics

To keep your reading experience stimulating and exciting, you should explore a variety of genres and topics. You don't have to stick with the same author or genre. Explore a variety of books like biography, fiction, nonfiction as well as self-help and fantasies. This diversity will expose you to various writing styles concepts, viewpoints, and perspectives, keeping your reading habit interesting and exciting.

Eliminate Distractions

It's crucial to set up a reading environment in a world full of distractions. Create a tranquil and comfortable area where you are able to lose yourself in the book without interruptions. Set your smartphone to silent mode or keep it away from the area to reduce interruptions. You will be able to be focused and immersed totally in your reading if you can create a peaceful reading environment.

Conclusion

The habit of reading is one that can transform your life. Through setting goals, developing a reading schedule and prioritizing reading time, exploring various genres and eliminating distractions, it is possible to take more time reading and establish the habit of reading frequently. Reading books isn't just an opportunity to learn, but it can also provide a wonderful way to relax and grow.

[justkenz]

Dating someone whose partner died.

I don't know what to say or how to go about it, in terms of conversation about her. So I am currently seeing someone who's girlfriend died of cancer a year ago, I also happened to have lost my brother around that time, although we grieve differently it's almost like we are grieving together. It's not really trauma Bonding, it's more of 'I am here for you' kind of thing.

Due to the dynamic of our relationship, I am beginning to develop serious affection towards him, we've built such a deep connection and I obviously don't want to lose that. I have been thinking though of making my feelings and intentions of being with him known. For the most part I think I have communicated how I feel about him and maybe I think it could be mutual, but I'm anxiously attached so I'd need like confirmation 😂.

Though I'm scared. Normally when I was in a relationship with a guy and he'd talk about his ex it would be a red flag kind of, or I would find myself comparing me to the ex. I have always thought of an ex as someone who should always remain far away from me and my partner of the time

But this time, it's different. I like hearing him talking about her. It's beautiful and the love the shared was obviously special. And I give him the space and assurance to do so, coz I know how important it is to talk about a loved one who you've lost.

The problem is me. I don't know what to say about her. Or when she comes up in a conversation my throat closes up and I have no words all I can manage to say is relay information from him. He says about how his family loved her and I wonder how they'd see me. One year is not a long time, and to already have a "replacement"? I know I shouldn't think about others, but this are people who mean something to him, so of course I'll care.

Sometimes, it feels like i would become like a second girlfriend....and she will always be his priority. There was such a conversation online where someone was asking, if a widow remarries, then her and her current husband die, who will she be with in the after life? Her current husband or her ex husband? It's like I'm thinking of the after life, I'm thinking of the love he still has for her. And am I going to be always second? Coz I know for sure, even if I somehow got another brother, I wouldn't love him the same as I did my late brother, there will always be affection there.

To clarify, this has nothing to do with jealousy. It's the feeling of always being in the background in someone's life.

Hey, that sounds like that is a lot to carry, and I am so sorry for your loss.

Ultimately you have to do what you think is best. I think your concerns are very valid, and are definitely possible, especially because it has only been a year. But, that doesn't mean that you couldn't get through those things together if that is what you both wanted. I think there is still a lot of healing for both of you and even growing, but if you both want to be together and do that together it can work, it won't always be easy, but it is possible.

I wish I could be more help, but I really hope it works out for you!

[watchmegetobsessed]

LIBERATION II.

A/N: thank you huys so much for all the love you showed for the first part of liberation and i know i broke a few hearts with it so im hoping this will make up for it all!! can't wait to read your comments and reactions!

PAIRING: guard!Harry X royal!Reader

WARNINGS: arranged marriage

WORD COUNT: 3.7k

Read LIBERATION I. here!

masterlist

You haven’t had a moment to yourself since seven in the morning. You woke up around six, wrapped up in Harry’s warm embrace and you thought about never leaving, just staying there for the rest of the day while your mother gets a stroke and your father punches a hole into the wall when they can’t find you on your wedding day.

But you knew you couldn’t do that.

So peeling yourself out of the arms of the man you love the most, you allowed yourself one last glance at him as he lied tangled in sheets, sleeping peacefully before you walked out of the room and away from the chance to ever feel happy again.

You cried in the shower for almost an hour, then decided that no more tears would be shed today and you’ve kept a straight face ever since.

You’ve been getting your hair, makeup and nails done since seven when you maids and the beauty team your mother hired have attacked your room. Every time you look in the mirror you see the dress hanging in the background, mocking you, almost laughing at you how you’ve dreamt about your wedding day as a little girl and now it’s the worst day of your life.

When your mother walks into the room and sees you with your makeup and hair all done, she gasps in awe, but you just give her an unimpressed look.

“You look wonderful, Y/N!”

“I wish I felt like that too,” you mumble under your breath. Her features hard and she is quick to order everyone to leave the room, giving the two of you some privacy.

“Stop acting like a child and grow up already.” Her tone misses the softness that was there just moments ago. Walking up behind you her eyes lock with yours in the mirror. “Don’t think I don’t know where you spent last night.”

Your lips part at the revelation. How could she find out? You made sure no one saw you, or is she just guessing?

“I will request Harry’s relocating after the wedding.”

“What?” you snap, jumping to your feet. “You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will. I won’t wait for you to make a mistake and ruin everything, Y/N. What do you think would happen if the press found out that the future queen has been cheating on her fiancé with one of her security guards?!”

“And what do you think people would say if they found out I’m being forced into this marriage?” you talked back, standing up for yourself for once. You can tell she is taken aback by your sudden attitude change, but she restores her posture quickly, keeping her chin up. Arrogance is all over her features, it always ruined the possibility for having a normal mother-daughter relationship between the two of you. She always put the palace and the family’s reputation above everything. You could have never been her number one priority.

She steps closer and gives you a warning look, her hand grabbing onto your forearm tighter than you’d like her to touch you.

“People like us have to make more and bigger sacrifices than others. We have to be the example for others so they have someone to look up to. If you ruin our reputation and show them our weaknesses, we won’t be different from them and lose our authority.”

“Why is it so bad that people will see us just like themselves? We are all human after all,” you whisper in despair, but she shakes her head.

“That’s not how it works, Y/N. But you’ll realize it, you have a lot to learn.” And with that she steps away from you, her eyes falling on the dress. “I’ll send Kristin and Mary in to help you get dressed. We have to leave to the cathedral in an hour,” she dryly says before walking out of the room.

Your lips start trembling as you stare out the window, your eyes glued to Harry’s window that’s closed, no movement can be seen inside. He is probably already with his team, making sure everything is going smoothly today.

You wish he was there with you. Or better, he was the one you would be walking down the aisle towards soon.

The next hour is a blur, people come and go in your room, you get dressed and the seamstress fixes it up on you one last time, making sure it fits you like a glove. Everyone keeps telling you how beautiful you look, how lucky Andrew is and that you’re gonna be the most beautiful bride your bloodline has ever seen. You feel like a fraud with each passing moment, but you can’t do anything about that, or that’s what you keep telling yourself.

When you’re getting ready to leave, three people helping you with the train of your dress, there’s a knock on the door no one seems to hear but you.

“Come in!” you call out. The door slowly opens, the chatter around you never stops, but it stops in your head the moment you see Harry walk into the room.

You see the shock in his eyes at first, the pain and sadness, but he is quick to mask it all when he realizes that you’re watching him. He looks around at all the people circling you and you know you need to have a moment with him alone.

“Would you please give me a moment to discuss some security matters with Mr. Styles?” you turn to your helpers and they are quick to abandon their task and leave the room, alone with Harry.

When the door closes and the silence returns you haven’t had all day, the two of you just stand there, staring at each other. He is wearing his usual black suit and white shirt, his earpiece hanging from around his neck and you know a gun is hidden under his jacket. In the meantime, he is taking you in, wearing the sophisticated, long sleeved dress, your tiara you’ve been wearing since you were fourteen pinned to the top of your head, the veil missing just yet, but it’s just as long as the train of your dress that you’ll have to drag after you walking down the aisle.

His eyes move up to meet your gaze and you realize that he is tearing up, though he is quick to blink it away.

“You look… beautiful,” he breathes out. Biting into your bottom lip you look down at your hands, trying to keep yourself together.

“Thank you. I’m… I’m sorry that I wasn’t there in the morning…”

“Don’t worry about any of that. I understand.”

You breathe out shakily as you look up to him again. This feels like straight torture, a situation you never thought you would have to deal with, yet here you are.

“I won’t be at the cathedral today,” he speaks up in a more stern voice, the one he uses when he talks about something work related.

“What? Why?” you ask, though you realize how stupid it sounds, you know exactly why he doesn’t want to be there, but it still upsets you. He is the one you feel the safest around and today is a risky event.

“You’ll be in great hands, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, you know that.”

“I know, I just… This is not how it should have ended,” you add in a whisper, the tears dwelling in your eyes again.

“It’s alright,” he smiles softly, but you don’t miss the sadness in his eyes. “I’m happy I got to have you just for a little bit.”

“You’ll always have me,” you whisper and catch a tear before it could roll down your cheek. Harry clears his throat and a knock is heard on the door, a warning that you don’t have any more time left. “Coming!” you call out. Your hand reaches out and you lace your fingers together, giving his hand a squeeze. “Thank you for everything, Harry.”

He doesn’t say a word, just nods, returning the squeeze before letting go of you.

When the door opens again and everyone floods back into the room you lose track of Harry, only catching his back as he walks out and disappears. It’s a moment when something definitely breaks in you.

The way from the palace to the cathedral is loaded with people on the roadside behind the guards, police cars are everywhere and the biggest royal family fans are dying to get a glimpse of you before everyone else. It takes some time and some planning to get you into the car without ruining your dress, but you finally manage. Your mother rides with you, dressed in a soft pink costume, a hat so big that she had to take it off to get into the car.

She keeps babbling about her guesses what other guests will wear, already dragging your father’s cousin who usually never gets the dress code right. It’s just empty talk to you though, the words barely get to your head.

“Can you believe Cecil didn’t reach out to me to ask what color I’ll be wearing?” she scoffs, grimacing at your future mother-in-law. You turn your head slowly, looking at her with empty, blank eyes, but she doesn’t even notice it. Her daughter is going through the worst day of her life and all she can talk about is dresses and gossip, you don’t even know who this woman is next to you anymore.

Every possible news channel and website have been camping in front of the cathedral since probably yesterday. A photo of you before stepping inside would worth millions, but it’s been made sure that the first glimpse anyone can get of you would be the moment you start walking down the aisle. They sneak you into the building that’s already filled and somewhere in there your future husband is waiting for you.

One last touch up, making sure that everything is perfectly in place and before your mother leaves your side to take her place you shoot her one last desperate look, hoping that a miracle happens and she realizes how wrong it is to force you into this marriage. But you’re only met with that well-practiced charming smile she always gives to the public. She kisses you on the cheek and simply walks out.

There’s just a few moments of silence when everyone leaves the room to check if it’s time to start. The flower girls are already lined up outside separated from you, your father is out there somewhere too, waiting to meet you to walk you down the aisle where Andrew is waiting for you already.

There’s a whole life out there and you’re just about to dive into it, throwing away everything you love and care for and most importantly, your free will to marry someone you’re in love with.

Is this really what you want? Is this worth the pain and suffering? Are you really that dedicated to the throne to go through with it and ruin your own happiness? You think about all the people out there, dying to finally see you in your dress, make the sacrifice that’s been clouding over you for years.

When the organ starts playing somewhere in the cathedral your last string snaps inside you, your chest feels like exploding as all the blood rushes into your head. You need to get out of here.

You know you only have seconds to make it out of here before they come and get you, snapping your head around in a frenzy you look for another exit and you spot the small door at the back of the room and you go for it faster than you’ve ever moved. You’re quick to discard the veil, it’s heavy on your head and thinking fast you also rip off the train of your dress. If you weren’t about to escape your own wedding you’d actually be sad for ruining the dress, it costs way too much to be treated like this, but you can’t even think about that right now.

Your heart is drumming in your ear as you throw the door open, relieved to find it unlocked. A tiny corridor is leading down along the side of the cathedral and you start sprinting as fast as your dress allows you to. You reach another door and pushing it open you find yourself in the garden behind the cathedral. Looking around you’re trying to think fast and that’s when you spot the car that drove you hever, parking at the side of the road, the driver sitting behind the wheel. It’s like a gift sent from above.

Chest heaving, holding the front of your dress up you run through the rose bushes and push the tiny gate open that separated you from the car. The poor driver jumps in panic when the door flies open and he sees you climbing in.

“Princess Y/N, what--”

“Drive me back to the palace. Now!” you order and you see a moment of hesitation in his eyes, but when he sees the determination on your face, he doesn’t question you again, just starts the car with a nod of his head.

Just right then, you see your maids run out into the garden with wide eyes, looking for you as if they life depended on finding you and luckily they don’t catch you sitting in the car as you disappear from their view.

You see all the people again on the way back, no clue about what’s happening and you feel a strong wave of relief washing over you as you’re getting closer to the palace. For the first time in your life you finally did something for yourself, for your own happiness and nothing can make you regret it, not even your parents’ anger when they find out that you ran away from the wedding.

The palace is oddly empty since everyone who matters is at the cathedral, only part of the staff working on the catering and last minute decoration. You earn quite a few shocking stares as you jump out of the car and run inside as if you're being chased and in a sense, you are. It’s just a matter of time until they come to find you, they will not let you out of their grasp that easily.

“Harry! Where’s Harry?” you ask gasping for air when you see a guard. Poor guy blocks down seeing you like this and it takes a few seconds for him to process the question.

“Uh, ballroom, probably,” he breathes out and you’re on your way again.

Sprinting down the hallways to the East wing where the ballroom is, your feet start hurting as if they are on fire and you stop just for a moment to kick your shoes off and continue your way barefeet. The massive double doors are open and you hear chatter coming from inside, finally hearing that one voice you’ve been running towards.

“Harry! Harry!” you shout from outside and when you finally get through the doors you stop and look for him, finding him in the middle of the room, just as frozen as everyone else is to see you there when you should be walking down the aisle currently.

“Y/N?” he asks quietly, as if he is not sure it’s you he is seeing or just an illusion. But as you launch at him, throwing yourself into his arms he comes to the realization that it’s not just a trick his mind is playing with him.

“I couldn’t do it, I don’t want to do this, I want to be with you!” You’re trying to catch your breath, clinging onto him for dear life as he keeps you tight in his embrace, his face buried into your hair.

“You ran away? Y/N, you shouldn’t have…”

“I had to!” Leaning back you look into his eyes as you cup his face in your hands, ignoring all the stares you’re getting from the staff around you as they witness the scene. “I love you, I want to be with you. Please tell me you want to be with me!”

“Is this for real?” he breathes out, his fingers kneading on your waist through the fabric of your dress as if he is working to get underneath it, though the corset is making it quite hard.

“It is! I’m done with all of this. I will not obey their selfish needs anymore. I want to live my life… with you.”

He is staring back at you with wide, glistening eyes, lips parted as he processes your words. He was not expecting this to happen, not after last night and your last time seeing each other this morning. Harry was convinced he lost you forever and he was already making peace with the fact that he’ll have to live with a broken heart for the rest of his life. And then you barge into here, telling him you left it all behind and he still can’t believe it’s not just a fever dream.

“Last night you said you wanted to run away with me. If you still want to, I’m ready. Let’s go, pack our stuff and leave. Now.”

“Are you sure this is what you want? There’s no going back from this, Y/N. There will be consequences.”

“I already have to face those for leaving the wedding even if we don’t go now,” you tell him chuckling as you stare up at him with hopeful eyes. “I want this, I want you. I want to have the life with you that we talked about.”

“Y/N…”

“Harry, please!” you beg him, pushing yourself further into his embrace. You can’t have him say no now, this is the moment you talked about for so long, the moment of liberation that was only just a fantasy until you made that decision in the cathedral just not long ago.

he stares back at you just for a heartbeat, though it feels way longer than that, before he nods and finally pulls you in for a kiss, his lips pressing against yours hard, for the first time with people around you.

And for your surprise, a round of applause and cheering erupts around you, and when you lean back to look around, you see all the staff and the other guards watching you with nothing but happiness.

“Finally!” someone shouts, making the both of you chuckle. Have they known something was between you and Harry for a while? Maybe you weren’t as sneaky as you thought.

“We have to get out of here before they come after you. They won’t let you leave if they have the chance to stop you,” Harry tells you in a rush, already pulling you towards the door.

A few guards run after you, clearly to help you with anything and you have to part ways with Harry so the both of you can quickly pack everything you need before leaving. He kisses you shortly, promising to see you at the car and off you go.

First things first you get rid of the pain in the ass but still gorgeous dress and put on just a pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt with a hoodie. Grabbing the first suitcase you can find you start throwing everything into it in a hurry, one of the guards, Teresa helping you out. In just five short minutes, you pack up a fracture of your life and by closing the suitcase you leave the room behind that you might never see again in your life.

“If you don’t mind, Princess Y/N, I had the staff pack you some food and drinks in case you have to be on the road for a long time,” a server appears smiling shyly as he hands you a bag of goodies. This is insane, people are helping you escape from the palace on your wedding day so you can run away with the love of your life, you always thought things like this only happens in movies, yet here you are!

“Thank you so much!” you smile at him, putting the bag to the backseat just when Harry runs out of the building with his own stuff, his right hand, Frank following him as they are discussing something in a hurry.

“Got it, don’t worry, boss,” Frank nods as they reach the car and Harry throws his own bags to the backseat.

“Thank you. Take care,” Harry pulls you into a quick, brotherly hug before he turns to you. “Got everything you need?”

“I guess,” you breathe out a soft chuckle.

“Alright, let’s go before they get here.”

Just when the words leave his mouth, you see a convoy of cars get through the main gate and you know your raging parents are sitting in one of those cars. You have to leave now.

The two of you jump into the car and as Harry starts it, Frank taps on the window.

“The back gate is open, we’ll make sure to tell them no one saw which way you went,” he tells him through the rolled down window.

“Thank you, I owe you big time,” Harry nods and steps on the gas pedal, a cloud of dust swirling behind you as you speed towards the gate behind the palace. Just as Frank said, it’s waiting for you wide open, the guard standing with a proud smile, waving at you as you leave the property, your heart drumming in your ears as realization sets in about what truly just happened.

Reaching over you take Harry’s hand and he brings yours up to his lips, kissing your knuckles as he takes the road leading out of the city, there’s no way you can stay around for now. Not until you figure out what’s gonna be your next step.

“I have a friend living near the border. It’s a tiny town and he has a land in the middle of basically nowhere. No one will find us there and we can stay there until we know what’s next,” Harry tells you and you nod with a small smile. You’d go anywhere with him, it doesn’t matter, only to have him next to you.

“Sounds perfect.”

As the city starts to fade around you and your car becomes one with the usual early afternoon traffic, Harry keeps glancing your way, a truly happy smile stretching across his face.

“What?” you ask chuckling.

“Nothing. I just… can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Falling (Alec Volturi x Reader)

WARNING: Gore! Death!

The day had started off so well, peaceful. More peaceful than it had been the past couple of days prior. Yet things went down hill as night fell and seemed to only get worse. Eventually you were told what was happening. The Volturi was under attack. 

Aro didn't have to touch Alec to know his thoughts as his gaze fixated on you. He couldn't leave you unprotected but couldn't neglect the leaders. Ultimately, you were sent to be with the wives who were at the very top of the tower, guards standing guard at the entrance. 

"Everything will be fine." Athenodora told you as she gripped your arms tightly. "Our husbands will be with us soon. You don't need to fear." Sulpicia added. You nodded but were unable to hold back tears. Athenodora pulled you into her arms, holding you close. Her motherly instinct coming through in your moment of need. Truth be told, the Volturi were ever so slightly more attached to you than regular humans. Not just because you were Alec's mate but also because you were very unlike them. You were completely innocent and it often made vampires wonder just what Alec saw in you considering the two of you were so different. Now if anyone were to question it, Alec would lose his temper considering it an attack on you. It also meant you were very sheltered by the Volturi. You didn't know the details of Alec's past. Only the necessary parts and you knew next to nothing of what he had done over the centuries. Alec wanted it that way, considering it to hurt you more than anything. It wouldn't have been to your benefit. 

Before you could be reassured any further, there was loud thuds, one after the other. Athenodora gestured for you to go to the other side of the room. Whatever caught their eye made both Sulpicia and Athenodora hiss and growl. As they moved to maintain their distance, a man, also a vampire, made his way into the room. He had platinum blonde hair and striking red eyes. "Good evening ladies." He smirked, his accent very prominent. He cast a glance to you. "Good evening to you too, little human." You stayed quiet, nervous and something about the man told you that you had every reason to be-even if you don't know those reasons. "I assume you may not know me. I doubt they'd tell you and judging by your face I would be correct." He grinned at you, the grin sinister. "My name is Vladimir and I have some business to attend to with this coven." You trembled in fear as you looked between who you now knew to be Vladimir, Athenodora and Sulpicia. "Shaking like a leaf." Vladimir said to himself, his eyes running up and down your figure. "I wonder if you'd do the same if you knew what those witch twins have done in their wretched existence." "It's alright, sweetheart." Athenodora called out from behind him. "You'll be alright." "Don't say that." Vladimir said softly, over his shoulder. "It's a lie." "They aren't involved in this. Don't hurt them when they are innocent." Sulpicia responded. Vladimir scoffed. "Since when did the Volturi ever care for innocents?" Vladimir said coldly before turning his attention to you once more. "They're involved now. Alec is the one infatuated with you, isn't it? Or was it Jane? I'm quite certain it was Alec." Vladimir was in front of you in moments. You stifled a scream, biting your lips and breathing quickly. Vladimir tilted his head with sympathy, whether it was real sympathy or not, you couldn't be sure. "Poor thing, you'll have a heart attack if you don't calm yourself little one." Vladimir took your face in his hands and you froze. "Come now, deep breaths. I want you aware for what comes next." You did as he asked, simply out of fear of what would happen if you did not. "That's it." He said with a malicious smile. "I must inform you that Alec isn't coming for you. You see, the higher ranked guards have their leaders as priority and their leaders...are only really concerned for their remaining mates. They're going to discover that I've incapacitated their guards protecting their wives." You immediately thought to Afton, Chelsea, Corin and then Renata. Although she must have been with Aro. Vladimir continued. "I have no doubt they'll come in time for them. I can't say the same for you, little one."

A tear ran down your face and Vladimir brushed it away with his thumb. "Are you going to kill me?" You asked quietly between breaths. Vladimir nodded with a hum. You immediately broke out into sobs, terrified of the man who had your head in his hands. Vladimir hushed you softly. "I know, it's not fair. However, if you knew... you'd understand." He walked you back towards the balcony door. "I'm not going to bite you. I'm not going to break your neck. I'm not going to do anything like that. That's too easy and I don't particularly want you to suffer. I want that wretched witch twin to suffer. Although I'm not going to guarantee you a painless death." "Vladimir..." Athenodora called, trying to take his attention from you, a small but desperate attempt to save your life. "I know, even I am struggling to go through with this. That terrified face, a little human who doesn't understand what's happening around them. Even I can feel sympathy." Vladimir said to the wives as he stared into your eyes. "Then don't." Sulpicia said flatly. "You've made your point." "No, I haven't." Vladimir responded. "You took everything from me. I will make you all suffer and those witch twins will know the feeling of what it's like to lose someone you love. When every last one of you are in pieces. Only then, will I have made my point." His face softened once more. "However, I will extend my apologies to you. You seem to be a lovely person but the company you keep...not so much. So you pay the price. That is the way of the world." 

Before you could even register what was happening, Vladimir forcefully walked you back before pushing you hard. Your eyes widened, mouth opening with a silent scream as you felt your body topple over the banister. Vladimir turned back to the wives with a smirk. "Do you really think me such a fool that I wouldn't notice Jane slowly getting closer?" 

Vladimir was thoroughly enjoying the current predicament. He had both you and the wives in the same room and at his mercy. He would enjoy it for as long as he could. Therefore Jane had to be particularly careful. She couldn't rush there, not when you were there. There was a better chance at keeping all three of you alive if she moved slowly, let him talk as she sneaked closer. However she knew she had to get there before any were hurt. Jane heard your pounding heart and then your sobs when Vladimir made his intentions known. She made it to her room and stilled. This would be the one place she had a good chance at hiding as it was filled with her scent. 

From this point onwards, she had to be quick. However she couldn't being herself to move. She looked up towards the ceiling, listening for the tower. Vladimir had moved, as you had and realisation struck. She wouldn't make it in time, not for you. The wives yes, but not you. She couldn't let the panic set in even though she knew it was over. The next thing she knew, you were falling. 

Everything went quiet for you, only the wind whistling in your ears as you floated. Maybe if you thought you were floating, it wouldn't be so frightening. Although the thought didn't help because you weren't floating. You were falling. You couldn't even scream, clawing the air as though that would have stopped you. If you didn't move, you'd land head first and if you had to land, then you didn't want it to be on your head. 

For Jane, time slowed down as soon as she saw you passing her window. The two of you locked eyes for a moment. Her shocked eyes meeting your terrified ones. There was so much she wanted to tell you in that moment and even more so, she wanted to grab you but couldn't believe her eyes. You were falling too quick and she wouldn't reach you in time. 

Time seemed to gain speed once more once you passed the window. All the while Jane rushed to the window, falling to her knees letting out a scream of horror. Her twins mate was falling to their death and she couldn't do anything about it. You had moved, you'd land on your back but suddenly that didn't matter anymore. You knew you wouldn't survive this. You looked up at the sky- trying to ignore how the castle's tower grew taller and taller by the second. 

Glass shattering was the next sound to be heard beyond Jane's scream. Demetri and Felix were running towards Jane whilst Alec headed towards the shattering glass. Demetri and Felix rushed into Jane’s room, four stories up the tower. Jane was supposed to be guarding the entrance to the tower and to hear her scream was beyond concerning as well as frightening. The two men found her on her knees, staring at the window. "What-" Demetri couldn't finish his sentence because multiple stories down, Alec's own scream could be heard. "Alec!" Jane screamed as she clutched the floor boards, almost as though in pain. In agony for her twin. 

Alec could smell the blood, but didn't think it could be yours. However when he found your body sprawled out across the ground surrounded in glass and covered with cuts and blood. There was more than that though, a small steady pool of blood had began to grow from underneath you. The smell of blood suddenly for overwhelming, along with the shock. He slapped a hand over his mouth and nose, throwing himself against the stone wall behind him. Before he could hold back, Alec let out a gut wrenching, agonized scream. 

The receptionist, Carmella, rushed in hearing the commotion. Perhaps it was a foolish thing to do, if anything survival instinct should have told her to run the opposite direction of the screams but they sounds so pained and panicked, with so many other emotions there was surely a list. She gasped, a cry of horror escaping her when she opened the door to see you across the room, sprawled out on the ground, surrounded by glass. A hole in the glass roof where you had fallen through. Carmella turned hearing more cries and screams in the corner. Alec had nearly indented the wall with his attempt to push himself back. His hands covering his nose and mouth but his screaming was so loud that it did nothing to really muffle the screams. Carmella was quick to take off her heels rushing towards you. "Help them!" Alec began to scream. "(Y/N)!" Alec continued to scream and cry as Carmella moved as much glass as she could to allow her room. "They're not breathing!" Alec cried out in hysteria. Carmella was quick to press a finger to her lips, doing her best to calm him despite the scene having her tremble too. "Alec, shh! You need to be quiet, these men are still here!" "Save my (Y/N)!" Alec yelled back. "Alec, you need to stop screaming! I will try to help them but you'll bring them here. Don't scream!" Carmella pleaded.  Alec curled into himself, still in hysterics, but not screaming as much. Mostly talking to himself, begging you not to leave him, inconsolable for his (Y/N). Carmella looked at your lidded eyes, swallowing hard. You were younger than her and to see you lifeless hit her very hard. She put her hands on your chest, pressing down repeatedly. After sometime, stopping to pinch your nose and breathing twice into your mouth. You didn't respond and she repeated the process. "(Y/N), please!" Alec begged. "You can't leave me! Please! Wake up!" Alec took a deep unnecessary breath. "Breathe!" He screamed. 

Athenodora looked at Vladimir with disgust but was unable to hide her own grief. "Breathe!" They heard Alec scream. "Now he knows what that feels like." Vladimir said flatly. "Now he knows what that loss feels like." Vladimir smirked slightly. "Maybe he has it worse. Our kind are still alive when ripped to pieces, it's the fire that kills us. Humans are such fragile beings." Athenodora glowered at him. "You chose the easier target, that is all." "No I chose the one you least expected." Vladimir retorted. "You're all so busy protecting yourselves. You would know, you're kept in a tower. That all of you forgot the easier target. I know how much that human means to many of you. Him, no less." Vladimir nodded behind him, talking about Alec. "Aren't they they child you never had?" Vladimir asked, tilting his head. Athenodora glared at him. "You don't know what you're talking about." "I'll admit, they almost had me. That face, filled with fear. They're innocent, I'll give them that much but this world punishes you for the company you keep." Vladimir sighed. "I'll admit expect you two will put up more fight, won't you?" Athenodora and Sulpicia stared him down, they wouldn't show him any fear. They wouldn't give him the luxury. Instead, they looked at him in anger. 

"Come back to me!" Alec cried out as Carmella bit her lip, beginning to lose hope. "Breathe!" Alec pleaded. "Please, breathe!" Carmella froze, she could have sworn you moved. "Alec?" Carmella said quickly, feeling for a pulse. However, Alec was too distraught to hear anything. "Alec!" Carmella yelled. It was enough to gain his attention. "Are they breathing? Are the alive!?" Carmella continued to dig around your neck for a pulse when Alec gasped. At the same time Carmella felt it. A faint pulse, but there. "They're... they're alive." Alec said quietly, eyes wide with disbelief. In that time Demetri rushed in. His eyes darted around the room, taking in the scene. "Is there a heart beat!?" It was Carmella's turn to feel hysteria as it slowly built up. "It's...it's still there." Alec said quietly. If he could have cried he would have. The relief, silencing him.  "It won't last long." Demetri ground out before looking to Alec. Alec looked back at Demetri, understanding what Demetri had to do. Alec nodded.  Demetri moved Carmella out of the way. "Carmella, leave. Get out of here." Demetri ordered and she did.  Demetri moved your head to the side, biting your neck, moving your head to the other side before biting your neck again. He took both of your wrists, biting each. "I can't do anymore. I won't be able to stop." Alec nodded. "Four should be enough." 

Carmella broke out into a run before being face to face with Stefan. She screamed before Stefan roughly grabbed her by the neck. "You are interfering." Stefan snarled before biting into Carmella's neck and pulling back, taking any flesh latched against his teeth with him. Carmella immediately began to choke, as Stefan dropped her to the ground. Alec and Demetri heard the commotion. With a newfound calm Alec turned to Demetri with a dark look in his eyes. "Get them out of here." Demetri understood. Alec couldn't take you away from here, the smell of your blood being too much. Demetri's gaze flickered to the door. It seemed Alec had other ideas. Demetri nodded, scooping you up. 

Alec marched down the hall, seeing red, everywhere he went. Before him was Carmella, choking on her own blood. He bent down. "Thank you." Alec said without emotion. "I am grateful for all you have done to save my (Y/N). I'll make this easier for you." Alec took Carmella's head in his hands as she continued to choke, but maintained eye contact with him. He twisted quickly with ease as and loud snap erupted.  With ease, Alec stood up once more, hunting down every last one who was responsible for your possible demise. Alec wasn't stupid, you were still in danger, you had to survive the change and whilst that was still to be known, the hurt and rage he felt continued to build. 

"Jane, have you fed?" She heard Demetri demand as he marched down the hall. "Yes." She opened the door, meeting Demetri with your limp body. She let out a choked gasp. "Are they...?" "I had to. They had already died once." Demetri said quickly and Jane swallowed, remembering your eyes locking with hers as you fell. "Will you stay with them?" Demetri asked as he put you on the bed. "Yes. You go. Make them suffer for this." Jane said firmly. "I won't lie to you, Jane." Demetri said, turning to meet her gaze. "If Alec gets to them first, there won't be much left." 

Aro, Caius, Marcus, Renata, Santiago and other guards burst through the tower doors. Immediately, Caius and Aro grabbed their wives, pulling them behind them. Vladimir simply grinned, raising a finger. "Can you hear it? The agony of losing a mate?" They all could, Alec's screams, Jane's agony for her twin. Vladimir turned to Marcus specifically. "You and I know that pain better than anybody." Marcus glowered at him. He could tolerate being the cause of misery for many, he had taken many mates from others but seeing his mates killer before him, grinning at the loss of Alec's mate was something that filled him with rage. Yet he did not move. Vladimir was alone and with them and if the Volturi had anything to say about it, he wouldn't be leaving alive. "I have a whole castle to my disposal so, stick together is my advice." Within seconds Vladimir jumped over the same balcony you had, in the other side from which you fell and landed on the roof. Then he was gone. 

"Santiago, help Afton, Chelsea and Corin." Aro said lowly. "Dear ones, we best find a safe place...for now." The group had moved to Jane's room, where Demetri was just about to take his leave. This was the safest place they could be, Jane being one of their greatest weapons. Athenodora smoothed back your hair, kneeling at your bedside. "You're going to be alright sweetheart." She said quietly. Her eyes ran over your broken, bruised and bloodied body as the group were updated on what happened to you after the fall. Demetri explained he was the one to change you, biting four times but it was the self control he had left. Aro wasn't entirely certain it would be enough considering the amount of damage you had taken. Nearly all of your bones were broken and the venom needed to travel throughout your body before your heart gave up for a second time. "Let me." Jane said suddenly, from the other side of you from Athenodora. "Let me match the number of Demetri's bites." "Jane, your self control isn't as refined as Demetri's, even if you have just fed. Can you be certain you could stop four times?" Marcus responded. Jane hesitated. "I have to try. I can't let them...they can't die." She whispered. "Do as much as you can." Athenodora said firmly, reaching for Jane's hand. "I'll take over if I need to." "Athen-" Caius spoke up but she cut him off. "Caius, if you don't support my decision then do so but keep it to yourself. (Y/N) will be one of us and I refuse to lose another person I loved to the Romanians, to anyone." The group knew immediately she was talking about Didyme. Athenodora had struggled greatly when Didyme died. She had lost a sister and it nearly broke her. When the twins introduced you to her, she loved you immediately. Something about you drew you in and made her feel protective of you. Whenever Caius gave you a hard time, as he did everyone, Athenodora would shut him down on it immediately. She was the only person who could. However Caius, knew you were different to Athenodora, you weren't her sister. Athenodora couldn't help but look at you as though you were her child. Filling the motherly role you had since lost when being brought into the vampire world by Alec. It came so naturally that it even rubbed off on Caius ever so slightly. He was harder on you not just because you were human but because he cared. Almost taking the fatherly role but refusing it with every fibre of his being. Yet no matter how much he tried, his intentions were always in your best interest. No matter how hard on you he was. 

Caius sighed, moving to his wife's side on the floor before looking to Jane. "If it's too much, you stop. We'll take over." Jane nodded, looking at you one last time before leaning towards your shoulder. Jane managed two bites, cursing herself for her poor self control. Whilst Aro reminded her that it takes more self control to change someone in such a condition, if anything it showed how much self control she could find within herself. As Aro reassured Jane, Caius and Athenodora nodded to one another before she bit down.  Athenodora hadn't changed anyone before despite being one of the oldest vampires in existence. She reeled back trying to focus on you rather than your blood in her mouth, mixed with venom. Caius gripped her hand, silently questioning her. She squeezed his hand. She just needed to do it one more time. He nodded to her, silently promising he would help her. They managed to match the number of Demetri's bites, four turning to eight on various places of your body. It was rare to have more than one vampires venom. Although it meant that if anyone had attachments to the Volturi, it was you. You had Athenodora's vemon, attaching you to her, as well as Caius by extension. Demetri's venom and Jane's venom. Whilst it wasn't Alec's venom, Jane was his biological twin. It was the next best thing. You were their responsibility. 

Usually someone would be thrashing in agony. They couldn't help but wonder why you were still but your heart pounding almost out of your chest, stronger than ever. Aro and Marcus came to the realisation before anyone else.  Almost all of your bones were broken, you wouldn't have been able to move. Alec turned to be met with Demetri and Felix. Their eyes turning black by the second but nothing close to Alec's completely pitch black ones. "Need a hand?" Felix smirked, eager for the hunt and fight almost immediately. "As we speak, Afton and Santiago are making their way towards us. Renata, Corin and Chelsea are with the masters. (Y/N) is in good hands." Before Alec could respond Afton and Santiago had arrived. "They're going to suffer." Alec said through a clenched jaw. "Damn right." Felix grinned and Alec appreciated how quickly Felix had agreed. Alec turned to Demetri. "You know where they are?" It was Demetri's turn to smile as he nodded. "Then let's go get them." Afton spoke up. "Make them hurt." "You're not usually the type to encourage violence." Felix smirked at Afton. Afton looked at Felix. "Vladimir took Chelsea's head off before me. He's given me just as much of a reason as he has Alec. As far as I see it, doing that to (Y/N) was more than enough for brutality. I'm more than happy to assist for my Chelsea." Felix clapped Afton on the shoulder. "Good man. We'll show 'em not to mess with our mates." 

"We need to move their head." Marcus noted softly, looking at you. It was clear your neck was healing judging by the bones beginning to knit together once more, less jutting out and threatening to break the skin. Marcus delicately moved your head that had moved to the side and held it straight. With a pop, the venom swarmed the remaining broken areas. It's success was heard when a broken pained exhale passed through your nose. Marcus carefully let go, allowing your now completely healed neck to rest.  “It's their spinal cord, just under their skull." Marcus answered Athenodora's silent questioning as to what the popping had been. "What about the back of their head?" Sulpicia asked. "They're laying on it and..." She trailed off. Judging by the look on Athenodora's face, she struggled to finish the sentence. That your head was caved in and bloody from the back. "It'll be fine, my dear." Aro reassured his mate. "The venom will fix it. It may just take a little longer." "I want to make them hurt." Jane ground out, gaining the attention of the rest of the group. She glared at the wall, jaw clenched tightly. "You must stay with us, dear one." Aro responded. "Your brother has this handled. You know him. Those two will have hell to pay." Marcus added. "The look in (Y/N)'s eyes as they fell. They were terrified. They looked at me and I couldn't do anything to stop it." Jane continued somewhat weakly. Athenodora rose from her chair to Jane's side and pulled her in. Athenodora kissed the side of Jane's head delicately. "You did everything we could have ever expected you to. (Y/N) knows that. There was nothing you could have done. Don't torment yourself so." Jane stared at you from her own seat as Athenodora cradled Jane as best she could standing up.  "After all these years, the Romanians still don't understand one simple thing." Caius said. "What's that?" Jane asked. "That they might win some battles but the Volturi always win the war." Caius said with ease. 

Stefan was fast but Afton was faster. Afton had him by the neck, turning visible once more. "You've made quite a mistake coming here." Santiago said from behind Stefan. "Ready to pay the price?" Felix asked, grinning widely. "You did it to yourselves." Stefan responded before swiping at Afton. "What was it Vladimir said up at the tower again?" Felix asked. "Anyone recall?" "I believe the words were 'you seem to be a lovely person but the company you keep- not so much. So you must pay the price.' " Santiago responded. " 'That is the way of the world.' " Demetri added. "So you'll understand what comes next, won't you?" Felix grinned. The group lunged at Stefan. 

Sulpicia was the first to make comment on the brutality they could hear. Tearing, ripping, snarls, growls and groans as well as many thuds of footsteps and likely bodies hitting the ground. "Such brutality..." She said as though considering the sounds to be impolite. As though higher than what was happening. "Good." Athenodora said darkly. "I hope they do more." 

Stefan was covered in cracks, his limbs jutting out in odd angles, some nearly torn from him completely. Alec kneeled down, his knee going on Stefan's chest who groaned as he felt the cracks along his chest get pushed in further, threatening to tear more. "I'm going to make you both hurt. Just as (Y/N) did. I will break every bone and just when you think I'm done. You'll realise it's only the beginning." 

After staring at you for some time, Athenodora rose from her seat once more. Immediately going to Jane's bathroom with a random bowl shaped decoration, she turned on the tap, filling it with warm water. "What are you doing, my love?" Caius called out to her. She re-emerged with the bowl and a towel. "Getting some of the blood out of their hair. When they wake up, the last thing we need is to either scare them or having them try feed from their own blood." Athenodora said firmly. "Jane, might I use your comb?" Jane nodded immediately grabbing it and moving towards Athenodora. Sulpicia sighed with reluctance. "Very well, I'll get the other side." She went into the bathroom and returned with another towel. "Are you dividing each section and working through?" Sulpicia asked. "Yes." Athenodora said quietly, already focused on the section she had. She was delicate with her tactic. She started at the bottom of your hair and worked her way up to the roots, wetting the comb every so often as red smeared the crisp white towel. Caius couldn't help but be in awe of his wife as always. He was certain no one had even considered taking the blood out of your hair the whole time yet she was the first. "We're going to have to clean them properly when we can move them." Sulpicia said. "One thing at a time." Athenodora said quietly, swallowing hard. "Right now we just need to get the blood out." 

Alec gripped Stefan's head by his hair bringing it to eye-level. "I'm not done with you yet, you're coming with us." Afton looked at the scattered limbs across the room that were covered in cracks, including Stefan's face. "What do you want to do with these?" He asked. Alec cast a glance to the limbs too. "Leave them. They aren't going anywhere." The guards moved down the hall once more Alec having Stefan's head on proud display. "We're close." Demetri said quietly. Alec gripped Stefan's head tightly. He felt the rage build up in him and everyone knew exactly what was coming next. 

The guards were in an intense stare down with Vladimir. "You understand now, don't you? The pain you caused." "I took people from you." Alec said stoically. "I understand that." Alec lifted the head to Vladimir's line of sight. "I took another from you." Vladimir hissed, angered by the sight. "Or at least I will." Alec said before he tossed the head towards Vladimir. His eyes narrowed on Vladimir, his jaw tight. "You took my human from me." Alec began. "Maybe they'll survive this and be fine after this night but no matter how this ends- I'll never see my little human again." Alec's jaw twisted. "You hurt my mate and I will rip you limb from limb and make you suffer for it. You think I was bad back then? Well, you're about to face your worst nightmare. That was nothing! Nothing compared to what I will do now!" Alec began to hysterically scream, the other guards just barely catching up to him when he lunged at Vladimir. 

Demetri was the first to enter Jane’s room. "It's over." He said, confirming everyone's speculations. Everything had gone quiet after a long time of hearing Alec's constant screams. When it finally stopped, they couldn't help but think the Romanians were no more. The others followed through. Alec's eyes were pitch black and immediately moved to you on the bed. "For a second I thought Alec was going to put the Romanians back together with the other's limbs as well as a mix of their own. Neither of them went peacefully." Felix said. "They burn as we speak." Demetri said. Afton was next to move heading towards Chelsea, his hands cradling her face and inspecting her. 

Even after the rest left, Jane, Alec, Demetri and Felix remained with you. "What if they aren't...what if they won't...?" Alec trailed off unable to say the words. "Who knows if they hear us but...we have to think they'll survive. They will. They have to." Jane responded. After a moment of silence, Jane looked to her brother. "Talk to them. It'll help the two of you."  "Despite my appearance, I'm old (Y/N). So very old. You asked me how old I was when I was changed and I couldn't answer you. That's always been the one question my sister and I could never answer. We had forgotten any kind of clue to help us figure it out. Although it doesn't matter. I've been on this earth so very long. So if you could please just, save me a broken heart and survive this." Alec pressed your cold hand into his cheek tightly but still reminding himself to be gentle. "You're young. You- you need to survive this. I have seen some wicked things, oh, but sweet-face the beautiful things I have seen over so many years. I want to you to see it. Even more so I want you more selfishly for myself. I can't imagine continuing this existence without you. You have given me the most wonderful time I have ever had. I want more." Alec let out a short pained laugh. "I know you said you weren't fond of becoming a vampire but there are less extreme ways to go about it." Alec pressed a kiss to your hand, squeezing his eyes shut. "I know you're not that opposed though." He said quietly. "You promised me remember? You promised me I could keep you."  “They’ll make it, Alec.” Demetri assured him. “This is (Y/N). They’re one of the strongest humans we know.” Alec’s eyes drifted to Demetri. “They died already. I felt it, the pain of losing them and I can’t help but think it’s only the beginning.”  “It isn’t, we got them back.”  “Now they’re fighting for their life once again.” Felix cracked a smile. "That's love for you." He said simply, catching Alec, Demetri and Jane’s attention. “What?” Alec said in confusion.  "Funny thing I've noticed about humans, if they love you, they'll always come back to you." Felix smiled before meeting Alec’s eyes. “Believe me, (Y/N) will pull through.” Felix raised his index finger. “You can hear it.” They could. They could hear your heart pounding fast as the venom coursed through your body. “You’re right, (Y/N) died after that fall. However, we got them back and right now i am willing to bet that human is fighting with everything they have to wake up and come back to us.” 

The twins lowered you into the tub, in a sitting position but your back propped against the end of the bath. Allowing clear access for Alec to see the back of your head. He immediately faltered. "I can do this alone if you like?" Jane offered. Seeing her brothers black eyes with his face contorted as though pained by the sight and he was. Seeing your now healed head and remembering how it was previously as well as the large amount of blood dried into the back of your head was painful. Alec shook his head. "No, I'll help. It's healed. It's only the aftermath." Alec responded, mostly reminding himself. He grabbed the shampoo, pouring a large amount into his hand. Carefully, he rubbed it into your head. He'd never done this before but he couldn't consider this a positive first time given your condition. The white liquid began to foam and then redden by the second. Alec continued to work his fingers through your hair and scalp. As Alec dealt with your head, Jane got a damp cloth running it over the bite marks on your neck. She paused hearing her brother swallow down a moan of pain. She looked towards him. "There's still some glass...in their head." He managed out weakly. Jane said nothing at first, the venom should have pushed the glass out as it passed through healing any breaks in the skin. Although those remaining must have been dug in deep. "I don't want to hurt them." Alec said. "Brother, they're already in pain." Jane said weakly seeing how this tortured her brother. "The wounds will close immediately after." She reassured him as she stood up, digging for tweezers. She had never used them, never had the need for them yet she was glad she had them in that moment. Neither twin fond of the thought of digging into your head with their fingers. "Let me." She said quietly as Alec moved to give his sister some room. Her movements were delicate and quick four tiny pieces of glass removed quickly and effectively. However the two stared at the small pieces before looking at one another. Alec inspected your scalp, brushing the hair around. Where the glass had been imbedded. "No blood." He confirmed, his eyes widened slightly. That was a very good sign. Jane nodded with a small smile. "They're already closing up." Jane moved back to the side of the tub and Alec once more focused on your head. "I'll need to take their clothes off." Jane sighed. "We got anywhere we could reach at the time." Alec nodded. "I'll lift their head. Whilst you remove their shirt." If it had been anyone else, a comment would have been made about Alec seeing you topless. However, the twins could be significantly more mature about that than Felix. The one that was most likely to make such a comment. Thankfully, Felix had kept his distance...mostly thanks to Demetri who had him preoccupied. 

"They've begun to lose their colour." Jane said. "I thought so too, sister." Alec replied. The blood washed away from the bites with ease, leaving small prick-like dark holes that would be closing and change colour soon enough. 

Alec carried you back to the bed as Jane fixed the pillows. Gently, Alec lay you down. "There, that's better." Alec said, relieved that no longer had you been covered in dried blood. A gruesome reminder of what had happened to you. "We should go and feed now." Jane said, taking her brothers hand before he could consider refusing. 

A day passed. Alec's eyes widened as your head moved slightly. Your breathing had started to slow, your body forgetting the constant need to breathe. The movement wasn't rigid and forced out of you like movements and moans had been out of the agony. This movement looked more willing and peaceful. A soft exhale passing through your nose. 

When you woke up, it was Demetri and Felix's job to get you fed before Alec could even see you. He understood of course but Alec couldn't help the need to see you again. His gaze snapped towards any footsteps that neared throughout the eight hours you had been awake. Alec felt hopeful when Demetri returned. "Ah, you have returned, dear one." Aro smiled. "I trust (Y/N)'s first feeding was a success?" Demetri nodded. "They aren't driven constantly by the next meal but their control is as much as can be expected." His eyes moved to meet Alec's. "Someone really wants to see you." He smiled slightly, aware of Alec's emotions. "Bring them in." Aro said warmly. "Reunions can be such happy times." Demetri nodded at the permission. 

Felix entered, with you beside him. His eye was on you constantly, as everyone knew was necessary. However you didn't seem remotely bothered. Actually, it was as if you didn't know he was there. Your eyes immediately locking on Alec's. Alec broke formation immediately walking up to you. You looked at him in adoration, with new eyes, now bright red, seeing every little detail of him and seemingly, falling in love all over again. It was strange not hearing a heartbeat, or feeling warmth radiate off of you as Alec had grown accustomed to. He didn't want to startle you in any way, remembering you were still a newborn. You smiled at him brightly. When you reached out for him, he couldn't take it anymore. Against better judgement he quickly pulled you into him, his forehead against yours. His hands cradled your head as you continued to smile at him. Your own hands reaching up to cover his. He couldn't talk, emotions overwhelming him into silence whilst you seemed too focused on him to actually say anything. A few of the Volturi in the room couldn't help but smile at the scene. They knew how much Alec struggled and to see have you back with them, smiling when they thought you wouldn't make it was very much the happy ending Aro had always been so fond of.

[darlingletshurttonight]

The Piano

(okay yall i wrote something. this takes place after gaon finds out yohan is alive the second time. i had written this for myself but if this helps anybody get their daily dose of gahan, here it goes. its not proofread or anything so bear with me :’])

Gaon walked out of the mansion, feeling empty. Of course, he was happy that Yohan was alive, and he was with Elijah. He was relieved that he was able to keep his promise to Elijah. It was such a relief that they were together again.

Only, without him.

Yes, he had fucked up. Yes, he almost messed up the bleak relationship Yohan and Elijah had. It never struck him how easily he blended in with them. Okay, it did strike him, but he chose to ignore that it might not have been permanent. It probably never would be. He just... wished he could go back.

As he walked his usual path home, he noticed another sapling, growing in dire conditions on the side of the road. The leaves were yellowing, roots sticking out from the mud.

"Are you alone too?" he murmured, picking up the broken pot.

He held it close as he walked down the stairs, wondering when was the last time he felt so lost. Alone.

Maybe this was a good thing? Even if the thought of having nobody made him shiver in anxiety and pain. He couldn't even process how he lost so many people so quickly. He regretted some things, he appreciated some things. By the time he reached his front door, his sleeves were stained with the mud, and mind still hazy from everything that had happened. He was hoping the walk would clear his mind. But this wasn't something a walk would fix. He soon realized, this wasn't something that diving deep into work and losing the little sanity he had left would fix. He skipped meals, came home late and didn't talk to many people. His only company was his mind, which wasn't really helping.

He was sitting on the bench on his terrace with his dinner that consisted of a single coffee. He knew that he was getting a fresh start, he had to start living for himself now, there was no other way. He wondered how Elijah's rehabilitation was going, was she able to feel her legs? Was she able to stand, walk around? What was their relationship like now?

He felt a turmoil every time he even vaguely thought of Yohan. His emotions would fly through a spectrum. The more days went by, the more he got time and clarity to think, and the more his anger and acceptance clashed.

Was he not enough?

He was never a part of them, he was just visiting.

Did he not repent for his mistakes enough?

They needed time away to heal.

Did Yohan lose all the trust he had in him?

Elijah's treatment was a priority.

Had Yohan finally pushed him away?

He must have needed space from the person who didn't choose him many times.

Had Gaon, read it all wrong?

There was only so much he could do to convince himself that there was once a beautiful phase in his life - short, surrounded by pain and betrayal - but beautiful nonetheless. He now had to build meaningful relationships with people from the ground up, and people were exhausting. He was tired of losing.

Why was he the one always losing his people? As he watered his plants, he noticed the newest one not doing so well. He put in some fertilizer, adding some rocks at the bottom and placing it in a different location.

Maybe this is what he needed. Some reorganizing.

Gaon had known how to play the piano. His father's piano was still in the house, by the corner. He had learnt a few things from him. He wasn't the best, but Gaon liked learning it exactly the way his father played it. After their death, he never looked at it. He had managed to sideline its existence, simply because no one could play it the way he was used to.

It seemed old now, worn out. Gaon had cleaned it once in a while, just as any other furniture in the house. Not a single key had been played since the last few years, this was the first time Gaon was properly looking at it. He sat on the seat, immediately regretting it. He felt the keys softly, trying to gain some familiarity.

Nothing.

He pressed a key, another one, and another one. His pace got quicker and the sound messier as he desperately tried to make sense of the unfamiliarity,

He stood up in frustration, and gave up on the attempt. As he lay curled up in bed, the weight of not just the loneliness but the strength he didn't have to continue weighed on him. His tears fell, and he was at the rock bottom again.

He came home the next day, and stared at the piano from the kitchen table. Why he was so adamant on playing it, he didn't quite understand. He rummaged through some old boxes in his house, and found a music notebook, with some loose sheets inside. Placing them on the sill, he tried to read and play. He didn't care if he was playing it right, he just wanted to play. He wanted to feel something. He wanted to feel the comfort of sitting next to his father who played a love song for his wife, every time she came home from work. He wanted to feel that belonging.

He played after work everyday. He missed a lot of notes, he had to look up tutorials to understand things he had forgotten. He wasn't acing this, but it kept him going.

He chose to ignore the images of Yohan that crept in his mind as he played the piano. And then one day it didn't hurt so much to think about Yohan as he played. And the next day he deliberately thought of Yohan, not that he had to put in much effort for that. He imagined playing the piano for Yohan. He might never have Yohan again, but this was for him. For letting him choose his own paths, for giving him a family and that feeling of belonging, for allowing Gaon to see him vulnerable, for trusting Gaon. And, for accepting the way Gaon was.

Gaon was planning to reorganize his house after the day of the reform meeting. He'd have some time on his hands to give it some thought. A few days ago he had bought groceries and made himself proper dinner. A few days before that he had cleaned up the mess that his house had become.

Before he left for the meeting, he noticed the leaves of his new plant turning a rich shade of green. He smiled on the way to work.

But the smile disappeared when Jin Joo mentioned she was leaving. He realized he could've spent some more time for her. But he wasn't going to regret it. enough of that. He promised to visit and keep in touch. He knew that she wouldn't expect him to, but he was still going to try.

What he did not prepare for, was to see Yohan again. He had given up. And here Yohan was, standing in front of him. His unkempt hair, informal clothes, the vulnerability in his eyes, and the hopeful smile. Was this another chance? There was so much Gaon wanted to say. There was so much Gaon wanted to make sure Yohan knew. His heart raced as he tried to conjure up some words, something, anything.

But he realized he didn't have to say anything, Yohan knew. Of course Yohan knew. He knew him better than anyone.

He stood frozen, a smile and tears plastered to his face, as he watched Yohan walk away. Now he knew, they were finally on the same page. Gaon would chase Yohan to the ends of the world, if Yohan allowed him. But Yohan was always by his side, right from the beginning. He loved Yohan, and it was only a matter of time before he would bring up the courage to tell him so.

He visited the mansion as soon as he could escape from the office. He saw the lights on for the first time in a month. He'd never understand how he had conflicting emotions, yet a sense of comfort everytime he was here. He entered the house, on his way to Yohan's study, where he knew Yohan would be. The last time he did so, he was holding a knife. This time, it was his own heart in his hand.

He stopped in his tracks as he turned around the corner and watched Yohan leaning against the table, hands folded across his chest, as if waiting for him.

"I was waiting for you" he said. His eyes were unreadable but Gaon knew he didn't just mean about this meeting.

Gaon closed his eyes and let a tear fall. He'd never thought he'd hear this voice again. This was all real, after all. He really was here.

"What brings you back?" Gaon managed to ask, taking a few steps forward. He didn't even try to hold his tears back, whatever the answer was going to be, he was going to show Yohan his honest feelings. That's what he was here for. He wanted Yohan to see him.

He watched Yohan's face softening, relaxing his arms. Gaon wished he'd hold him.

"I came to check on you"

Gaon felt like the floor was swept off from under his feet. He was worth it after all.

"Thank you" he whispered, sniffing away his tears.

"How's Elijah? Is she here?" Gaon asked, after a pause.

"No, she's getting adjusted to the center there. She's okay, she misses you"

"And you?"

Gaon watched Yohan look for an answer. He hadn't prepared for this blunt question, and frankly, neither had Gaon. The longer the silence was, the more afraid Gaon felt to know the answer.

Yohan had a habit of communicating with his eyes. Gaon was pretty good at reading them, but today he just had to be sure. What he didn't know was that Yohan was remembering every waking memory of him missing Gaon in the last month. Elijah's first appointment, their first meal they had made themselves, every single meal they had, the milestones Elijah was reaching, just...everything. How was he supposed to say this?

When Gaon got impatient, he decided to simply confess.

"I've missed you," he let out a breath he was holding all this while "a lot. I was losing my mind"

"Gaon-ah"

"I really thought I had lost you two forever," he paused to get a reaction, anything, from Yohan. He realized Yohan wouldn't have anything to say unless Gaon laid himself bare for him. So be it.

"I didn't even think you were real today, at the office. I was really really happy that you got out of all that alive, only that, you left. I wished you'd have told me. I was angry at first"

Yohan furrowed his eyebrows.

Gaon continued, "But I know Elijah's treatment was important, and you needed some peace, after... after all that. I'm sorry for everything I caused. Honestly, you gave me a second home and I, I just can't imagine...I cant imagine a world without you"

He averted his gaze and said one last thing, "If you want me to leave, please say so. I'll -"

"I've missed you, Gaon-ah"

Gaon dared to look at Yohan.

"So much that it hurt"

Gaon swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. Yohan stepped forward.

"After everything we've been through, I could never leave you behind. I thought you knew me better than that"

They stood close, their faces inches apart. Gaon couldn't tell what the anger in Yohan's voice was for. But he was willing to take it. He would take anything.

He stepped forward and held Yohan's shoulders, gently pulling him into his arms. He buried his face in Yohan's neck, the cloth of the robe absorbing his tears. He felt Yohan's arms sliding up his back, grip slowly tightening.

Neither would let go for a long time.

Later that night, Yohan watched as Gaon moved about the kitchen at Gaon's home, preparing dinner. He sat on one of the chairs, arms folded, eyes moving wherever Gaon went.

Gaon felt his gaze and didn't hide his smile.

"I'm guessing you haven't been eating well" Yohan observed.

Gaon bit his lip. "Guilty"

Yohan shook his head and looked around the place. "You play the piano?"

Gaon looked over, his hands still working on the stove. His saving grace stood there in all its glory.

"My father used to play, mostly for my mom. I had learnt from him but didn't touch it for a long time. I got back to it a few weeks ago"

"I'd like to hear you play"

Gaon's eyes welled up but he focused on the cooking. He smiled back at Yohan, like it wasn't a big deal.

Gaon stared at Yohan as he ate. He ate like a child, and Gaon adored him. He rubbed some crumbs off Yohan's lips and fed him some more. Was this really happening? He didn't really care, he was just happy.

They sat on the piano seat together. Yohan stared at Gaon as the latter played. Although Gaon's face felt hot with Yohan's gaze in such proximity, he focused on the music. He wanted to play it right.

"This is something my father used to play for my mother. I used to watch them sit here and reminisce about their college days"

Gaon struggled to get more words out. He wanted to be explicit with Yohan. He wanted to be unabashed. He took Yohan's hand, the one that held the scar. As he traced a finger over it, Yohan laced their fingers together.

Gaon looked at Yohan, who had scooted closer than ever. He squeezed Gaon's hand, reassuring and soft.

"Let me love you" Gaon whispered, as if saying it any louder would break the delicate moment.

He closed his eyes and gently pressed his forehead against Yohan's.

"Please" he added.

"Are you sure?" Yohan asked, his voice heavy. Like he’d played this conversation multiple times in his head before, and had thought of all the responses he could come up with, with very few of them favorable.

Gaon swooped in, closing the short distance between them.

On the terrace, the new plant bloomed a flower bud.

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Fourteen

⚠WARNING: Swearing

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Waking up is painful. Physically painful, at least. You’re not ready to deal with the emotional pain from yesterday, no thank you.

You finally peel your eyes open, a true struggle considering how they were crusted together. You take in your surroundings and form the first coherent thought of the day.

This isn’t my bedroom.

Your eyes seem to be crusted shut. You sit up and realize that no, this is not your apartment, this is Osamu’s apartment. This is his bed you’re currently sitting up from, his blankets wrapped around you.

You then form your second coherent thought of the day.

His detergent smells really nice.

That thought finishes in your head before it’s slammed aside by the rush of yesterday’s memories - group therapy with your friends and Osamu, Oikawa being a complete dick to Osamu, your argument with Oikawa which resulted in Oikawa blabbing of your love for Hajime, leaving the restaurant crying, realizing you lost your keys but they’re at Osamu’s apartment, walking to Osamu’s crying…

From there it’s a bit murkier as your memories intertwined with self-deprecating thoughts and a line of thinking you rarely walk down anymore.

Last night was a night.

You do somewhat remember Osamu comforting you. Letting you know that it was okay and he was there for you.

You glance around the studio apartment, wondering where he was. Oh god, did you force him out good lord you are -

Oh, no he’s sitting on his couch with a cup of coffee.

You’re filled with guilt when you realize you monopolized his bed and completely took over his apartment. Yeah, he maybe didn’t need to sleep last night (a concept you still don’t fully understand nor approve of) but you have fully overstayed your welcome.

Grabbing your phone from the side table you tap the screen, taking in the notifications on your screen.

Shit, I never messaged Makki or Mattsun.

Your gut feels like lead as you open the group chat with the two. That was a big fuck up on your end.

Fuck, I’m such a shitty friend.

You don’t waste anytime typing out a message.

“Tea?”

You look up from your phone and are greeted with Osamu’s sleepy gaze, a mug of tea held in his hand for you. You reach for the mug, nodding slowly.

“How’re yer feel in’ this morning?” He asks as you take a sip. You shrug in response

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I just fell apart like that on you.” You say. “I wasn’t having a great night, and my emotions just kind of bled all over the place. And I’m sorry that I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, that was actually pretty funny.” Osamu smiles. “Ya just kinda passed out on my shoulder. I had to lift ya to get ya onto the bed.”

You blink, absolutely mortified. “Oh wow, I am so sorry. That’s so embarrassing.”

“Nah, it was cute.” Osamu takes a casual sip from his mug, seemingly oblivious to the flirty line he just dropped. “But ya seemed pretty upset last night, and i wasn’t gonna let ya walk home like that.” The smile drops from his face and he looks at you with concern. “If ya wanna talk about it ya can, although I don’t want to push ya. It’d be pretty dumb of me to.

“I know I’ve been pretty skeptical about openin’ up and talkin’ ‘bout my feelings, but since meetin’ ya I’ve felt better. Lighter, I guess.” He shrugs. “Ya’ve made me realize how important it is to open up.”

You look down at your tea, a small smile tugging at your lips. Your heart warms at Osamu’s words, part of you preening that you were the one who has helped Osamu, but also you feel genuine relief that Osamu wants to open up more.

“Well, let me treat you to breakfast this morning - it’s the least I can do.” You finish your tea and give Osamu a small smile. “I can tell you about yesterday if you don’t mind listening.”

Osamu smiles in return. “Sure, let me grab my stuff.” He takes the mug from your hand and shuffles into the kitchen. You sit up, stretching your arms and grabbing your phone. A few more messages have come through from Mattsun and Makki.

Uhhhhh…….

You open up your chat with Oikawa, finding hundreds of messages from him. He hasn’t sent you anything since 5am. You quickly navigate back to the chat with your other friends.

Frantic knocks, one after another, beat against Osamu’s door.

No way.

Osamu gives you a look before walking to the front door. He checks the paper hole, then turns back and looks at you with faint amusement.

“It’s for ya.”

You stand from the bed, moving into the kitchen. Regretfully, you open the door.

A distressed-looking Oikawa is the surprise visitor. He looks absolutely beside himself - his eyes are bloodshot and swollen, snot is dripping out of his nose, and his hair is messy and lackluster.

Oh dear god.

He bursts into tears when he sees you, but surprisingly doesn’t throw himself at you. He must be learning some boundaries. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N-chan! I was being stupid and petty and I didn’t mean to-”

“Ok, ok c’mon. You’re going to wake up Osamu’s neighbors.” You bring the snivelling, pathetic Oikawa inside, quickly closing the door behind him. You help him get his shoes off, glancing around the Osamu. You spot him at the sink, filling a glass with water. He brings it over, giving Oikawa a nod and silently passing the water to him.

“Thank you Osamu-kun.” Oikawa gratefully takes the water and downs it before handing the empty glass back to an amused Osamu. “I plan on giving you a full apology soon, I promise.”

Osamu huffs a laugh and goes back into the kitchen. He sets the glass in the sink as you lead Oikawa through and into the living room.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper to Osamu. “Do you want me to go?”

“Nah,” Osamu waves his hand. “I’ll get ready for breakfast in the bathroom, and give you guys some space.”

“Thank you, I’ll try to make this quick.”

“Take yer time.” Osamu smiles at you and moves to the bathroom. You turn back to Oikawa, who is watching you with regret painting all over his face.

“I’m sorry I told Makki and Mattsun that you love Hajime.” Oikawa blurts without any bite.

You think you see Osamu flinch out of the corner of your eye but when you look his way you see the bathroom door closing. You look back to Oikawa and sigh.

“Why did you say it then?”

Oikawa heaves a sigh and hangs his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to make you not hate me.”

“Oikawa, I don’t hate you.” You join him on the couch, leaning into his side. “Talk to me.”

Oikawa presses back to you and you feel his shoulders move up and down as he takes another deep breath. “I knew that uni classes and volleyball would be really really hard - but as long as we all had each other we would be fine. We smashed through high school together, so this was just another challenge.

“But when Iwa-chan died it changed everything. Obviously.” Oikawa takes a shaky breath. “But I still had you, Mattsun and Makki. I knew that we wouldn’t be the same without Iwa-chan, and classes and volleyball would be hard, but we would be friends.

“I don’t think I knew how hard everything would be. My classes suck, volleyball is a chore, and I miss Iwa-chan.” He sniffles. “I miss him so much. I feel like I don’t know who I am without him. But I had you guys, I always had my friends.

“But Mattsun and Makki are in their own world sometimes, and then you started hanging out with Osamu.” He looks at you, tears shining in his brown eyes. “I know it makes me sound like you can’t have other friends beside me, and I really don’t want to be selfish. But you were spending more time with Osamu and it hit me that you were all growing up and becoming different people.” A few tears track down his face and he sniffs. “I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want Iwa-chan to be dead, I don’t want to be a terrible person.”

Oikawa starts to cry and you don’t hesitate in pulling him into a side hug. He’s not really sobbing but you feel his pain deep in your heart. One of your hands comes up to card gently through his hair.

“I know I’ve been a piece of shit the last few months. And I can tell that you really like Osamu, even though you’ve always loved Iwa-chan. Whenever you talked about him you had this happy and bright look on your face. He makes you feel good, but you love Iwa-chan. You moving on meant change, and I hated that.” Oikawa sniffs. “But bringing Osamu to the group therapy session, which I always thought was our group’s thing, made me realize that you were changing. I was so angry, and your secret just slipped out.”

He takes a watery breath. “Isn’t it awful? I’ve been trying to drag you back down to my level, bring you back down to feel the pain that I feel, all because I’m scared. I’m a terrible, awful friend.”

“Oikawa, have you had time to go to your therapy appointments?” You ask gently.

He doesn’t answer right away, and when he gives the tiniest shake of his head you sigh.

“Honey,” you scold gently. “Why are you not going?”

“School and volleyball have taken up a lot of my time.” Oikawa mumbles, his sentence punctuated with another sniffle. “I’ve skipped so many appointments, and I’m too embarrassed to call.”

You sigh, inwardly shaking your head at your friend’s weak excuse. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but maybe re-prioritize your responsibilities. Getting back on track with your therapy appointments should take top priority. You can talk through these feelings instead of letting them fester.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer right away, but when he does his voice is small. “But I’d probably have to quit volleyball, and that’s all I have left of Iwa-chan.” You see his hands ball into fists. “I don’t want to lose that.” His breath hitches. “I don’t know what to do.”

You let him cry on your shoulder, giving him the time to get all the tears out. You figure this is the most civil conversation you’ve had since Hajime died. The thought brings you relief but also makes you quite sad.

“You know you’re one of my best friends, right Oikawa?” You ask once he’s calmed down a bit. “You’re a diva and a trainwreck, but you’re my diva and my trainwreck.” He exhales lightly but you’re almost certain it’s in amusement. “No matter what, I’m always going to want the best for you, and I’m always gonna try my best to help you.

“But,” you feel him tense up when you continue. “You have to realize that your behavior the past few months has been really shitty. You’ve treated us all like punching bags - we get it, probably more than a lot of people could. But I’m not gonna let you treat me, or any of our friends, like it anymore.”

“I’ll be good.” Oikawa promises immediately. “I promise, I’ll do better for you and Makki and Mattsun. And me.”

“Good.” You give him a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry for yelling at you last night in the restaurant.”

“You don’t have to apologize at all.” He replies immediately. He yawns before speaking again. “Honestly, I’ve been a piece of shit for months now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You murur. You both sit on the couch for a while longer as you try to come down from the conversation you just had. You feel like a heavy cloud that’s been floating around your head for months has cleared, and although you know Oikawa won’t magically change overnight you feel better knowing that you’ve had this hard conversation with him. Change starts with communication, and hopefully Oikawa understands now that he has the support to change.

You feel Oikawa leaning against you even further and you look at his face to see his eyes closed and mouth parted open.

“Oikawa, c’mon I don’t want you falling asleep.” You gently push him off you so you can stand and get Oikawa to stand also. His eyes are still closed and he puts nearly all of his body weight onto you.

He must not have slept all night, you think. It’s not uncommon for him to pull all nighters, a habit he picked up in high school watching game tape over and over until the sun came up. But he handles the lack of sleep gracelessly - you could prop him against a door jamb and he’d pass out no problem.

Together you move towards the front door. You’re not going to let him fall asleep here and inconvenience Osamu even more - you’ll take him back to your apartment and maybe try to catch lunch with Osamu. Now you owe him a few meals and unlimited coffee.

“Gotta apologize to Osamu-kun,” Oikawa mumbles when you lean him against the wall.

“Maybe when you’re going to fall asleep standing up, yeah?” You reply, bending down to shove his feet back in his shoes. You hear more mumblings in return but can’t make anything out of them.

As you’re getting your shoes on you hear the bathroom door open and out walks Osamu. He’s dressed and his face is composed into it’s usual blankness. Trusting that Oikawa won’t keel over, you walk over to where Osamu is reaching into his dresser for socks.

“I’m so sorry,” you say. “I have to reschedule breakfast, I have to make sure this idiot won’t sleepwalk into traffic.”

“S’alright. Didja work everything out?” Osamu asks in a measured tone.

“I think so.” Osamu’s not looking at you as he puts on his socks. Your gut twinges with guilt, realizing that he must be upset that you have to cancel breakfast. “But I think I’m gonna take him to my apartment and make sure he sleeps. Do you want to meet up for lunch or something?”

“Can’t.” His short answer makes you blink. “Meetin’ a group on campus for a class project.”

“Oh.” He’s still not meeting your gaze, and you detect a hint of gruffness in his tone. Maybe he’s upset that he has to meet with his group last minute? Or because you basically shoved him into his bathroom while you and Oikawa worked out your issues. “Dinner then? I owe you double now.”

“Probably not.” Osamu stands and gathers a few books and a notebook before shoving them into his backpack. His inability to look at you or hold a full conversation is confusing, but you don’t want to push him.

“Well let’s meet at the coffee shop tomorrow, usual time after morning classes. Sounds good?”

He hums distractedly. Your gut feels heavier and you swallow hard.

“Okay, well I’ll be off now.”

Osamu turns towards you but still doesn’t meet your eyes. “I’ll walk ya out.”

You both make the short walk to the front door. The tension in the room is heavy, unable to lighten even at the sight of Oikawa sleeping standing up. You maneuver your friend while Osamu opens the door for you. It’s a slight struggle walking out of the front door but you manage.

You look back before Osamu can close the door behind you. He’s holding the door knob and staring at the ground. “Let me know if you can do dinner tonight - if not I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You force as much cheeriness into your voice, despite the heavy weight in your chest. Finally Osamu looks at you, giving you a disinterested nod.

He closes the door as you turn to walk away. You look back quickly, catching a crestfallen look on Osamu’s face before the door fully closes.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: So when I originally thought about this story, I wanted to think about how different people deal with grief. And what I wanted to explore was 1.) is there a limit to how people will grieve? And 2.) can someone grieving push that limit? From the get-go Oikawa has seemingly pushed the limit of what some of you believed, and yet Y/N was still hesitant to call him out. And I loved hearing what everyone had to say about Oikawa - some were willing to give him a pass, and some were NOT happy with him. Now, just because someone is grieving, it does NOT give them a free pass to behave inappropriately or do serious harm to those around them. But I think it’s important to note that what may seem absolutely insane to one person is tolerable to another. And what it comes down to is how the person who is directly affected by another’s actions wants to address those actions (sorry if this is confusing.) Oikawa was treating Y/N and their friends like shit. In the story it was because Oikawa was not taking the necessary actions to keep himself mentally healthy. In Y/N’s eyes, if there is a desire to be better, and appropriate actions are taken to be better, then Oikawa deserves to be forgiven. I have absolutely LOVED reading everyone’s reactions and hearing their opinions on Oikawa’s slowly deteriorating behavior, thank you for sending them in! And just because how Y/N has reacted to Oikawa’s behavior it does not mean there is a right/wrong way! Everyone has different life experiences and different relationships that guide their decision-making! And that’s totally okay! (This obviously applies to non-threatening and morally & ethically right behavior.) And WOOF thank you for getting this far in the A/N’s, this was a LOT! Gold stars for everyone!! 🌟🌟🌟

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

[roger-that-cap]

weatherman

at first, you loved the words on your body that connected you to your soulmate, your one and only. but the older you got, the more annoying and mocking they became. what weirdo sings rhianna when they first meet their soulmate, anyway?

steve rogers x fem!reader

soulmate au!

word count: 1.7k, she’s a baby :,)

warnings: none besides the fact that this was written in an hour and a half, flufff!

By the time you were old enough to read, the song wasn’t out yet. At the time, you had no idea it was a song, of course, and the words were still cute. It sounded like you had a sweet soulmate. You thought of your soulmate coming to you in a million different ways in your imaginative little brain every single time it rained.

But when you were eight years old, the song came out. And then, you were teased for your words relentlessly. They started to hum the song when you walked by. Someone drew you a picture of a raindrop. One kid was even bold enough to laugh right in your face and tell you that Rihanna herself was your soulmate.

And every morning, you would turn on your side, lift your arm up, and look at the words inscribed in semi-neat cursive, your soulmate’s writing.

You can stand under my umbrella

Who even said that? It was so… cheesy. As the years went by, you doubted that it was rain at all that made the words come out of your soulmate’s mouth. By the time you were in high school, you were certain that it was a pick up line. You no longer longingly stared at every rain shower that happened.

Even though you had a certain, tiny disdain for whoever was behind the words, you knew that you missed them in a way that you didn’t understand fully yet. Perhaps the reason was that everyone else around you was happy with their other halves, living perfect lives with the person destined for them, but you knew that wasn’t their fault that you didn’t have yours. By the end of high school, most people already met their soulmates. You didn’t have yours yet, and it was your second year of college. Naturally, you started to worry.

What if they didn’t exist at all?

The possibility of not having a soulmate and just having filler words in the form of a Rihanna song plagued you every day, and the thought only got stronger when it rained. When you were younger, rain meant good luck, and it was your comfort weather. Now, all it brought was the cold and negative thoughts.

§§

It was your lucky day, because it was quite literally pouring while you served the drenched customer her coffee. You watched her yank the door open and rush towards her car through the glass windows, and you swore under your breath when you remembered something.

Your car was in the shop, and you were supposed to be walking home from work. That meant walking home in the torrential downpour.

You sighed and shook your head, leaning over the counter and already anticipating getting ultimately drenched on your short walk home.

Your boss let you go home early and started closing shop, and you didn’t know if you wanted to thank her or send her the bird for not letting you wait out the storm. She had never let you go home early before, not once in the entire history of you working there. It was unusual. You had full intentions of asking her if she had a hot date, but she started to turn off the lights before you could ask her what made her want to do something nice for once.

You shook your head again as you realized that you didn’t even have a hood or jacket or even worse, and umbrella. You sighed and braced for the cold, yanking the door open and folding your arms, pushing through the uncomfortable feeling of the cold, wet rain with your head down.

You got caught at a crosswalk and had to watch cars fly by. Of course you did. There were footsteps behind you, and you sighed and regretted the second that you stomped your foot, looking up to the sky and letting the rain hit you right in the face. “This is the worst fucking day of my life.”

There was a gasp from beside you and you didn’t even open your eyes. You assumed that whoever it was, was offended by your language. “Sorry,” you said, but you didn’t sound apologetic at all.

Someone cleared their throat from beside you, and you turned your head to the side to see a handsome blonde man with a dark blue umbrella and a pink flush on his face smiling at you, already moving the umbrella your way. Your heart raced. This couldn’t be it. Was it? Your hands were suddenly shaky as you waited for the man to say something, anything. No, not anything, you were waiting to hear the predestined offer (or pickup line) that you now loved again.

“Here,” the man said, and the sound of rain hitting the roof of the umbrella was almost as empty as you felt in the moment. You mustered up a smile at him and said a small thank you, trying to mask the disappointment that came with being so close meeting your soulmate after all.

The man held the umbrella for as long as he walked in the same direction as you, and then he apologized for not being able to hold it for you any longer. “It’s alright, thank you” you said, and hoped that the sound of the pounding rain was enough to hide the tremor in your voice. You were not about to cry.

You went to stand under the roof of a building on the side of it, hoping that the wave of rain would be over in a few minutes. It was better than running for two minutes, you supposed. You saw another blonde man with large strides walk past, with an even darker blue umbrella in his hand, and he was dry.

You groaned. “How am I the only one who didn’t know about the rain?”

The man stopped in his tracks and turned around, looking at you with wide, blue eyes as you stood nonchalantly under the roof, arms crossed and still a little hurt after the universe teasing you with the first umbrella man. When all he did was stare at you, you have him a harsh look and looked away. Staring men always meant trouble, and the meaner you were, the faster they would leave you alone.

“You can stand under my umbrella,” the handsome man said, and slowly, your head turned back his way. Your eyes locked again, and it was your turn to stare like an idiot. “I-I mean, if you want to.”

You leaned off of the wall of the building and took a step towards him. “Did you really just say that?”

A grin lit up on his beautiful face, and you already decided that his smile was your favorite thing on earth. Screw churros from the fair. “Depends, did you just say something about being the only one who didn’t know about the rain?”

You threw yourself into his arms, and he nearly dropped the umbrella just to hold you. His embrace was warm and strong, and he used just enough pressure for you to feel he was there. “I didn’t think you were real.”

It truly did felt surreal. You were in your soulmate’s arms after all that time wondering, worrying, and losing sleep, and now it all felt like it was going to be alright. You could see the happiness in you near future coming your way, the questions and the subtle and uncontrollable bitterness towards others fading away quickly. You already held this man high in your mind, and just like that, he was a priority. And you didn’t even know his name yet.

Instead of asking him for the name that you so desperately wanted to know or saying any of the cheesy words swirling around in your mind, you decided to talk about the words. “Because, who quotes Rihanna?”

“Who doesn’t look at the weather before leaving the house?” He retorted, pulling back a bit to study your face. You were glad that he was able to do it, because you discovered that his face was just as comforting as the warmth of his arms.

“Shut up, weatherman.”

He smiled down at you, blue eyes giving you a fond look that only soulmates could give each other after meeting so suddenly. He poked you right on your nose, a fluttering touch that made your heart skip a few beats.

“I can walk you wherever you need to go.” Your heart warmed at his kindness. It turned out the younger you that hoped that your soulmate was a sweetheart was right, after all.

“No, it’s okay, it’s probably out of your way,” you said anyway, disregarding the way the inner you was screaming at the part of you that had control over your mouth.

“I’m not even supposed to be all the way over here right now, and I think I already missed my appointment.”

“Where are you supposed to be?”

“The barbershop.”

You frowned at him. The barbershop was all the way on the other side of town, and he didn’t seem like he was lost. “How’d you find yourself over here?”

He paused for a second, like he was debating on whether or not to tell the truth. “Something told me to walk this way.”

You could have fallen apart, and you believed that without even knowing you, he would have known how to put you back together again. “Looks like you listened,” you breathed out, in awe of the man before you, who was staring at you with the same look of bewilderment.

“How could I not?” He took one of your hands in his after asking for permission with his eyes, and you felt the tingling build up at the connection. “I’m Steve.”

You told him your name, and he repeated it once, and then twice, and then a smile was on his face, like that was the one word he needed to hear. You resisted the urge to touch his face now that you could see the subtle stubble growing in. “Don’t wear it out, weatherman.”

You took a step forward, and his long legs only took half of his normal stride to match up with you. He walked you home while you talked about anything and everything with him, every now and again talking about the words on your respective wrists and how glad you were that you found each other.

It felt so right.

You met him the next day at the park, and it was as sunny as it could be. He was carrying a tackily designed gift bag that he put red tissue paper in, and from then on, you knew he was a big goof. He handed you the bag with a huge, dopey smile on his face, and you cackled when you opened it.

It was an umbrella, an poncho, and a copy of Weather for Dummies.

******

omg omg not my first soulmate au lmao and many more to come in different shapes and sizes bc-

i’m obsessed

hope y’all liked it!!! <3

[panlight]

How do you think the story would have changed if it was a legitimate love triangle? If, for instance, after Edward left, Bella seriously entered a relationship with Jacob and viewed him/the wolves with the same wonder and love as she did the Cullens? If it cause a real sense of hurt and betrayal and shock when she made her final choice. The books are pushed as a love triangle but I never understood that because we as the audience know there is zero chance of her picking anyone but edward from day one. I always thought it was weird to even try that angle but of course SM needed to have her ending neatly tied in a bow with rutabaga holding everyone together.

Yeah it was pretty clear she was never going to choose Jacob if Edward were in the picture. If Edward stayed gone then maybe, but otherwise . . . SM wasn't subtle about this. It was Edward. it was always Edward. And when you learn that the original story was basically just Twilight + Forever Dawn (which is basically just Breaking Dawn with some edits) it's even more clear. Her original vision was E/B meet and fall in love and her next book was literally them getting married and having a baby. There was never any room for Jacob here.

From SM's Eclipse FAQ:

Bella falls in love with Jacob in New Moon. I think it’s easy to understand why this fact doesn’t occur to her. Bella has only fallen in love one time, and it was a very sudden, dramatic, sweep-you-off-your-feet, change-your-world, magical, passionate, all-consuming thing (see: Twilight). Can you blame her for not recognizing a much more subtle kind of falling-in-love? Does this love devaluate her love for Edward? Not for me. For me, it makes that perfect true love stronger. Bella has another option. She has a really good one. An option that’s easier in many ways, that takes nothing—like her family, present or future—away from her. She would have love, and friendship, and family—an enviable human future. But she chooses Edward over all of this. This makes it real for me.

So even here, Jacob is just a device. He's a way to say "look how much she loves Edward!" But Bella being so pro-vampire makes this line of thinking not totally work for me. She wasn't turned off or wary of the vampire stuff, it wasn't written like a downside, she was INTO it. EDWARD saw Bella becoming a vampire as this terrible sacrifice but she did seem to really see it that way, and in the end she didn't really lose anything except maybe Renee, whom SM wrote worse and worse as the series went on to make that loss seem unimportant. IS choosing Edward the 'easier' choice? She gets to be rich and immortal and strong and beautiful and has a built-in family. She never has to work or worry about him leaving her. She has to watch everyone she loves and care about die, but outside of Charlie, everyone she cares about at this point is basically immortal anyway. Choosing Jacob, on the other hand, means worrying about human things like money and Billy's health. It means worrying that he might imprint someday and leave her.

I get what SM was going for here, but the way she wrote Bella and what her priorities were, and then the way she wrote Breaking Dawn so that Bella didn't really have to give up anything at all in the end, it doesn't work for me personally.

How to make the love triangle work? I think Edward has to stay gone longer. If it's a year or two, maybe even three, then Bella grows up. She gives up on this impossible fairytale dream, thinking it was just a teenage fantasy, and realizes she loves Jacob even if it's a different way than she loved Edward. They start a relationship. She's . . . happy. She's moved on. A part of her will always mourn what-might-have-been with Edward, but she's starting to think about a new future, a different story, and it's starting to seem just as good, if not better. It certainly seems more real.

And then Alice has some vision (maybe Bella's future becomes so entwined with Jacob's that she just VANISHES and Alice panics) and Edward comes rushing into Forks only to find that Bella's okay. But she's with Jacob now. And he tells Bella he will do the noble thing and let her be happy and she realizes that he loved her all along, that he only left to "protect" her and now she's incredibly torn between these two different people, these two different futures. And that would feel more like a real love triangle to me.

[She probably still picks Edward, tbh, because SM prefers the fantasy love to the real world love. I always lowkey got the sense that Esme got the raw deal in her human life that she did because she didn't put her entire life on hold and just pine forever after Dr. Cullen. And Rosalie gets punished because she wanted to get married for the sake of getting married and didn't wait for a True Love, how dare she! But that could just be me.]

I think in this scenario that wolf pack would be, um, a lot less tolerant of and friendly to Bella if she were actually WITH Jacob and picked Edward, or waffled between them, though. I'd want the Cullens to maybe be divided on "fight for her, Edward!" or "let her go" but it's complicated by the !@&*#$ canon that vampires never fall out of love and he's going to be miserable for all eternity without her so it's not like they can be super objective here. Leaving her is probably the right thing to do for her, but letting Edward, this person they love, be miserable for all eternity? I mean more miserable than he already is?