#i've been going through it

[arthurtaylorlester]

started listening to malevolent because of you and oh my gosh I’m obsessed they’re so aksoaosjdhsjwknsjskxossndjxjdhsnskdofnr

every time i get someone to listen to malevolent, arthur gains a life. so go listen to malevolent.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Update / Personal Post Rant

I've been working on some new chapters to a few of the WIPs I have going, including for "No Good Men Left To Spare", "Control", "Been in Love", and a one-shot smut piece for Graves x Reader. My hopes that I can get at least one of these out by this weekend.

However, I just needed a space to vent (you don't have to read this)(also TRIGGER WARNING for DV), I recently got in a spat with my bf and he destroyed my keyboard (he almost broke my laptop too, I had to plead for him not to), and then he threatened to abandon me in a state thousands of miles from my hometown because he was mad that I was "disrespecting him" by "having an attitude with my tone of voice" that he didn't want to deal with it on a trip HE brought ME on.

I'm saying this though because I've been really shaken up and out of myself for days (this has been an ongoing problem in my relationship), and it's made writing a little difficult to sit and concentrate on these past couple of days.

Though, it did feel amazing to get back on here and read things and actually feel a sense of joy in something. I read a really nice comment someone left for one of my fics on Ao3 after my spat, and I cried, but in a good way, because writing really does make me happy, and I'm so incredibly thankful that no matter who is in my life, that this isn't something someone can take away from me.

I know once I'm home, I should feel brand new again. Please be patient with me and I promise I'll have more to post soon! ❤

[dantesinthermo]

feels like i've overstayed my welcome. maybe it's time to disappear for a while.

[postpunkpontypandyphantomthief]

Mental Health update

I have some form of Psychosis, which has resulted in me being delusional about some of my hyperfixations.

this has likely affected my fixations for years, but the most recent examples I can think of are the Rik delusion from 2019-2021 and the Sam one from 2022-June of this year.

I was being too projective about specific characters, my grasp on reality wasn't visible and I just wasn't acting like myself

and sometimes my psychosis would show when talking to some of you, while I am healing from my last psychotic episode, I'm still trying to work on my habit of overanalyzing things

I've also deleted some of my old "self insert" fanfics, because those were a reflection of the delusional headspace I was in

so I'm sorry if you had to see me basically go nuts about an actor I admire and a stop-motion cartoon from my childhood that must've been overwhelming to see on the timeline and I am working to improve myself.

I've also been browsing Reddit and opening up with friends I feel like sometimes in lockdown, something just changed about me, which resulted in some of my tendencies but others like the delusions were already there, they were just more present

while Rik and Sam are still topics I'm interested in, I'm talking to express that in a more healthy way learning to separate canon from fanon, being selective of when I bring them into conversation and just not reading too much into them

I had suspected that I was plural or a "system" I still think that's possible, but I must tread carefully when managing that with psychosis but integration appears to be helping, I just need to mask more often.

[methaim]

Nothing radicalizes you more than The Job

[katanaski]

Red next?

[morsmoon]

you know it's bad when your 8 hour shift is done and you leave your job and you just sit in silence because you can't even listen to music

[pxrplepolkadots]

💔

[rocknrollsalad]

i have two (2) clarkson pieces that could use a beta reader if anyone knows anyone.

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

[canisalbus]

✦ Milk and Honey ✦

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

[thelvadams]

DOCTOR WHO • 1.01 'Rose'

It's like when you're a kid. The first time they tell you that the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it, because everything looks like it's standing still.

[lilybug-02]

Wow. That could not have turned out worse.

Part 23 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/

[bizarrelittlemew]

calling it right now that season 3 starts like this

[egophiliac]

couple more quickies, because I gotta work through my Shroud-family feelings before I can even begin to process the Diasomnias, please bear with me 🙇

anyway, I couldn't decide which composition I liked better, so I did both!