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#i've been meaning to list these all so i can remember for a while now
g1rlp1lled · 7 months
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the books i have read since i got back into reading again in april:
spring
death in her hands, ottessa moshfehg
1q84, haruki murakami
summer
the vegetarian, han kang
the little friend, donna tart
the change, kirsten miller
east of eden, john stienbeck
animal, lisa taddeo
started reading my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell and ABANDONED IT bc it was so gross and weird
fall (currently reading)
mosaic man, ronald sukenick (haven't finished yet, put it down bc it was hard to get through)
ghost wall, sarah moss
how to love your daughter, hila blum (also haven't finished yet bc i've been too busy reading stuff for class to finish! i only have like 50 pages left)
dracula, bram stoker (currently reading it for class but i'm enjoying it so it counts)
frankenstein in baghdad, ahmed saadawi (also currently reading for class but also enjoying it)
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dreamlifebunny · 7 months
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how to script your dream life and use it with any method!
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hello friends! today i want to share with you how i personally script my dream life, and how this script is both my void list, states list, and precursor to almost every manifestation method i've ever used. i love scripting because it is not only a method in and of itself but it is also a simple list of everything you desire that you can now manifest using any method you love!
check back later for a link to my scripting templates. in the meantime, here are the steps to creating your perfect script from scratch with examples! all you need is a place to write it down.
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step one:
time to brain dump! at the top of your page, write out every desire that comes to your head in list format. don't overthink it and don't worry if they sound silly or unrealistic; remember, absolutely anything is possible! you can write out a few desires to start or go hardcore and write out hundreds, whatever you feel inspired by. you can always come back to this step later. here is my example:
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step two:
now its time to get organized! look at the desires you've written and figure out what subcategories they fall under. for example, "my eyes are light blue and gorgeous" could fall under the category of "appearance," and "i have $100,000 in my bank account" could fall under the category of "wealth and items." feel free to use any category name that makes sense to you.
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step three:
now that you have a couple of categories written out and understand the structure of the script, your mind might start to have even more ideas. "ooh, now that i see revision is a category, there are a couple more things i'd like to revise..." or "why stop at one SP when i could have everyone chasing after me?" for step three, we go a little deeper into these categories and add more details of what our dream life will look like. you can also add new categories that pop into your head - in the example below, i've added "the world and society" and "skills and abilities."
note: the reason why i broke this up into multiple steps instead of just writing "write out all your desires at once" is because our brains can be mean to us and make us procrastinate if something isn't done "perfectly," so that's why adding an extra step is important to bypass the perfectionism.
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optional steps:
because scripting is such a creative and expansive process, we might think of ideas we'd like to manifest in the future but not right now/not instantly. i like to organize my script further by adding another category: "future manifestations." these are ideas that i would love to manifest at some point later on but not necessarily while my dream life is manifesting right now.
another idea is separating categories even further into "instant manifestations" (manifestations that happen right now without things needing to unfold) or "perfect timing manifestations" (manifestations that slowly unfold naturally and linearly), if you want to get specific about how they show up in your life! however, these steps are completely optional and just fun details for specificity, and i can make a more detailed post on this later.
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how you can use your script with any method:
scripting has been used as a successful manifesting and shifting method on its own forever because it specifically addresses one of the most important steps in the manifesting process - deciding what you want! by writing out what you want in your dream life, you can now decide that your script will manifest on its own or you can use any method under the sun to fulfill yourself within:
the void state: if you enter the void state to manifest, you could affirm "i have everything in my dream life script"
affirming: you can affirm "everything in my dream life script has come true"
visualization: you could create an imaginative scene where all of your desires from your script are fulfilled, or you can imagine looking at your script and smiling because everything came true
subliminals: you can create a very simple subliminal where all of your desires are included, or even a sub where the only affirmation is "i have everything in my dream life script"
the possibilities with scripting are absolutely endless. i hope that this guide has given you the inspiration and direction to write your own wonderful and unique script. now, go and get your dream life!
have fun! bunny 💕
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satuguro · 1 year
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⠀⠀ ⠀ཾ ༚ 20/20 VISION
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lalala! ethan landry x okokok! reader
#SYNOPSIS— based off of see you again by tyler the creater & kali uchis; you have no gag reflex, ethan tells a sex joke, and ethan takes a leap of faith.
#CONTAINS— best friends to lovers, mutual pining, jealousy, emetophobia, fluff
#AUTHORSNOTE— i've been wanting to write fluff lately so.. here you go xx
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your unofficial designated spot in the carpenter sisters' apartment was their armchair in their living room.
you had a list of reasons why; one, it meant more space. you could stretch your legs, not worry about feeling someone's feet near your legs, and you could have your own blanket. all somewhat selfish reasons, but you loved your space. two, it had the perfect angle towards the t.v. that gave you the best spot in the living room to watch it without worrying about discomfort.
which was why you would've been mildly perturbed that someone was standing between you and the t.v. the only difference was that it wasn't just someone; it was someone who rambled too often, who had no sense of personal space while also being hyper aware of it, and who was a flurry of random facts (which wouldn't help him at all, unless someone held a gun to his head and told him to name and point at every country’s capital in the world).
"i've done it," ethan announced to you, his signature toothy smile seemingly more victorious as he looked down at where you were snuggled up on the couch. his well manicured nails (he asked you to do them once, and who were you to deny your best friend?) held his laptop, the screen facing his chest.
"aren't you supposed to be studying?" you asked him with a small tilt of your head, glancing at where the rest of the group was. finals week was beating everyone up, and you could briefly see mindy and chad chugging a redbull at the same time while tara timed them, before you turned back to your best friend.
"i gave up."
"you need to study."
"you gave up, too!" ethan looked down at the huge blanket that you hogged for yourself, not even thinking twice before he was climbing in next to you.
"ow— ethan!" you groaned, feeling him step on your leg.
"'scuse me!" ethan forced himself under the blanket you were snuggled under, making you share your beloved armchair with him before he sighed contentedly. "this is comfortable! maybe i should share this seat with you more often!" he said with a bright grin, making you sigh reluctantly. "i mean if you don't want to then it's fine too!" ethan added hurriedly with wide eyes.
"i was just saying that i wouldn't mind sharing with you because usually you sit alone— which i know you prefer, you've told me so many times and i get it! i really do! but i wouldn't mind sitting with you to keep you company because i really like being with you— around you. your presence. yeah, that." ethan rambled, finishing his string of words with a sheepish smile, cheeks flaring a bit red. "i'm sorry for rambling." he added quietly.
your usually tired eyes softened at that. he had always been insecure of how much he talked, you knew that better than anyone. "i've told you before, e, i don't mind. i like listening to you," you hummed, a downturned smile on your lips. "i like your presence too. and i guess i don't mind sharing my seat with you."
ethan's cheeks flared red at your casual words. you had a way of speaking so calmly, as though all your words were chosen well. in a way, he was a bit jealous.
"you had something to tell me, yeah?" you asked him softly, bringing him back on track.
"oh, right!" ethan showed you his laptop, setting it up on your legs. it was a notion list, color coordinated and everything, with an entire list of shows and movies you remember only briefly mentioning to him. "i made this list—"
"just now? instead of studying?"
"yes! so basically, it has a section where we can rate it after we watch it, and it's all organized by what we want to watch the most and what we need to finish!" ethan scrolled down the list, practically buzzing with excitement (and the cold brew he drank earlier).
"see? i know that i have a whole essay to do but i can do it later—" ethan said, waving it off with his hand. "because i know you said you would do it but i got impatient and did it instead! and look—" he showed you the wide variety of colors for every row. "they're color coordinated! and here's how i think the rating system should go—"
you had watched ethan talk the entire time he rambled, your usually tired and indifferent eyes softening when you listened to him speak. he talked fast— too fast for some people, but you liked that about him—but the way he rambled showed how passionate he was about different topics, because ethan only rambled when he cared.
it showed how much he appreciated what he was talking about. and ever time his cadence picked up and his words became jumbled and he began interrupting himself, you could see how ethan's brown eyes would shine with excitement. you could see how he began incorporating his hands to his words, how his lips tilted up when he talked.
you were so engrossed in ethan's explanation of the movie and t.v. show list that you failed to notice your friends staring at you from the dining table.
"they are disgustingly cute," tara said with a sigh.
"and disgustingly oblivious," mindy grumbled, clicking her pen over and over. "with how smart the both of them are, i'm surprised they haven't picked up on the clues." she turned to chad, who was sulking after losing the redbull chugging competition against her. "have you asked ethan about it yet? you're our in on this, chad!"
chad groaned as mindy nudged him with her shoulder. "i did. he didn't even respond. it's crazy how he can avoid conversations, you know."
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you didn't like parties. not as much as your friends did— you were usually the designated driver or the friend that was always sober enough to take care of their friends, which you didn't mind. it was the socializing part that you minded.
you socialized okay, but you often just ended up listening to other people rather than talking. listening was more your style, but you were only a little awkward when it came to talking to complete (and possibly intoxicated) strangers at parties. you stuck with your group of friends and very rarely strayed away.
but ethan was the designated sober friend this time around, so maybe that would change.
three loud knocks to your dorm room made you go and open it, coming eye to eye with ethan. "you're walking me there?" you asked with a knowing smile, making the boy nod eagerly.
"yup! chad's walking with tara and mindy's going with anika, so that leaves you and me." ethan grinned at you teasingly. "why, you're getting tired of me already?"
"no," you hummed, closing your dorm room behind you as the both of you began to walk down the hall. "you're really not drinking tonight, huh?"
"nope!" ethan replied, popping the 'p'. "after i threw up all over sam that one time we drank at the apartment, and then i threw up on you right after, i told myself that i'd hold back on it."
you wrinkled your nose at the memory. "how responsible of you."
"i know, right?" ethan said with a proud smile. "but because i threw up on you that time, i give you full permission to throw up on me this time."
"i'm not gonna be that drunk."
that was a lie.
to say that your friends were shocked to see you become a more extraverted person after drinking would be an understatement. they were used to you observing the group and contributing to conversations with sarcastic comments, dry humor, and dark jokes that are often made much too soon. so to see you take a shot with tara and squeal happily with her (true friend solidarity; she was as drunk as you were) was completely out of the ordinary.
"i'm gonna go find chad!" tara yelled over the music, making you nod happily and watch her leave. adrenaline and excitement began to thrum through your body stronger, and your first thought was to share it with your favorite person. you began to walk around, searching for ethan, before you bumped into a chest.
"oh, shit! i'm so sorry," the guy laughed, making you send him an apologetic smile.
"it's okay!" you said, taking in his black hair and his brown eyes (that only reminded you of ethan). "i'm y/n!"
the guy smiled at you, offering his hand out. "jaden!" he seemed to be as intoxicated as you were, his steps wobbling slightly as you shook his hand. "do you, uh, wanna dance?"
"hey, where's y/n?" ethan asked tara as she passed him, making her look back towards the drinks table.
"she should just be around where the drinks are.." tara's voice trailed off when her eyes landed on you not too far away. your arms were around a guy's neck— was that jaden from her philosophy lecture? —as you swayed with him to the music. you seemed to be having a good time, the alcohol making you lighthearted as you sang with whatever song was playing through the speakers. "there she is!"
when ethan saw you, his heart fell. you looked so beautiful under the multicolored lights, your hair perfectly styled and your clothes fitting you perfectly as you danced with someone who wasn't him. your smile— your genuine one, ethan noted with his chest aching, the one that made your eyes crinkle and your smile lopsided —was pointed towards someone who wasn't him.
jealousy brewed in his chest along with the heartache, ethan's jaw clenching as he stared at you and the random guy. but he didn't step in. he didn't pull you away and declare his feelings for you, because at the end of the night, you were happy. content as you danced with someone who wasn't ethan at all.
chad came up next to tara, his arm over her shoulders as he steadied her. "hey man, where's y/n?" he asked, still fairly sober than everyone as he had only taken one shot.
"she's doing fine," ethan said, his voice monotone as he continued staring at you. it was unfair how beautiful you looked while you unknowingly broke his heart with every laugh and every flirtatious smile you sent towards your dance partner.
"what?" chad looked in the direction ethan was staring, his face falling when he saw you and jaden. easily connecting the dots, he looked at ethan empathetically. "fuck. dude, i'm sorry."
"it's okay, really," ethan said with a tight lipped smile. but he couldn't keep his eyes off of you and him, the fact that you looked so happy pulling at his chest because he wanted you to be happy with him. he wanted you to look at him the way you looked at that random stranger.
and finally, as you did a twirl into jaden’s arms, you made eye contact with ethan. oblivious to the way his jaw clenched and his eyes lost the spark they usually had, you gently pulled yourself out of jaden's arms. your steps were wobbly, and you nearly crashed into ethan's chest when you finally walked up to him. ethan's arms went to steady you easily.
"ethan, i feel like throwing up," you murmured, and ethan nodded in understanding, worry taking over his jealousy.
"okay, let's get you to the bathroom, okay?" ethan said softly, pulling you close to him as he guided you to the bathroom. he knocked on the door, thankful no one responded, before he opened it for you. he locked the door behind the both of you as you made a beeline for the toilet, grabbing the side of it as you readied yourself to throw up.
but nothing came out.
“go on!” ethan encouraged you, motioning to the toilet. but instead, you looked up at him warily.
“do i have to?”
“yes?” ethan gaped at you, motioning to the toilet again. “just go ahead! nothing to fear!”
“i don’t want to.”
“c’mon, y/n, why not?” ethan whined, making you groan as you stopped yourself from throwing up yet again.
“i have emetophobia, asshole,” you muttered, gently pushing his arm. “fear of throwing up? and,” you messily pushed some of your hair away from your face. “i have no gag reflex.”
“what the hell?” ethan crinkled his nose, blushing furiously as he looked at you in shock. you were honest, sure but never this honest. “i could’ve gone my whole life without knowing that.”
“are you sure?”
“what?” ethan said quickly, eyes wider than ever as he stared at you as you snorted in amusement. “you’re kidding.”
“maybe.”
“maybe?” he swallowed thickly, shutting his eyes and pinching his nose bridge. “oh god, you definitely have to throw up now.”
“watch this.” you took two of your fingers and stuffed them all the way to the back of your throat, smiling triumphantly as you showed ethan your lack of a gag reflex.
ethan could only watch in horror and exasperation. “y/n, i didn’t need proof. i already believed you.” he took some squares of toilet paper before offering it to you.
“i told you so,” you hummed, pulling your saliva covered finger out of your mouth and wiping them on the toilet paper. there was a beat of silence before ethan coughed, his cheeks and ears still burning red.
“can i make a joke?”
“of course you can.”
“it’s a, uh,” ethan cleared his throat, avoiding your intent gaze, “sex joke.”
“even better.” you situated yourself next to the toilet, still very much feeling like you were gonna hurl at any given moment.
ethan sat next to you, clearing his throat again. “i know one way we can test your gag reflex,” he stated, almost ashamed at his own joke.
you chuckled at that, the horrible joke making a you sway a bit with laughter before the sudden motion sickness got to you. without another word, you threw up into the toilet. all thanks to ethan’s horrible sex joke.
he immediately reached over to move some of your hair. you continued retching into the toilet, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. "i hate drinking," you grumbled as you laid your forehead on your arm, eyes watery from throwing up. immediately as you got the words out, you threw up again.
"i know, i know.. but i know you're gonna end up drinking again," ethan teased softly, making your back heave as you managed a laugh, only for it to be interrupted by you throwing up again. "it's okay, let it all out." he couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped his lips. “i can’t believe a sex joke made you throw up.”
and you almost laughed again if you didn’t throw up even more.
the sound of the party died into the background as ethan sat next to you on the ground. your head was laying on your arm, which was on the toilet seat. you were still intoxicated, and the world was still spinning, but you could see the obvious turmoil on ethan's face. you poked his arm. "what's wrong?"
"what?" ethan said, snapping out of his daze to send you a tight lipped smile. "nothing's wrong."
"liar."
"i'm not!"
"i know you better than that, e," you murmured, half lidded eyes staring at him. you had thrown up most of your alcohol, and while you were still inebriated, you felt a lot more clear headed than earlier. “what's wrong?"
ethan looked at you, eyes flashing with hurt as he pictured you again dancing with someone else. "do you really want to know?" he asked you, and you nodded. even while drunk, you opted to listen.
"you looked beautiful when you were dancing," ethan began, managing a soft smile, "i don't think i've ever seen you like that. it's not a bad thing or a good thing, but it's a new thing, y'know?" he sighed. "you dance really well, i'm surprised you haven't told me," a genuine smile appeared on his face when he heard you laugh quietly. "and your laugh.. i swear i would listen to it over whatever horrible music is playing right now."
ethan looked at you, taking in your obviously roughed up and intoxicated form. but somehow, even with slightly messy hair and most of your make-up rubbed off and with your breath smelling only a little bit like puke, you still looked beautiful. it was enough to make someone who talked as much as him to go quiet in awe.
"but when you laughed, and when you smiled,” ethan said slowly, taking in heavy breaths with every word. fear thrummed through his body, mingling with the nervousness as he twiddled with his fingers anxiously. to continue on would be to admit everything. to admit how he felt, the thoughts he had been having about you, everything. and to admit it to you would be to risk losing a friendship and one of the most important people in his life.
“.. you weren’t smiling or laughing at me. and i hated that.”
confusion spread over your face before realization hit your eyes. “oh.” and oh, it suddenly all made sense. why ethan was so bothered, why you were so willing to listen to one person speak for forever as long as it was them, why even as you danced with another, something was off because he wasn’t ethan. he wasn’t your best friend.
“you don’t have to say anything,” ethan mumbled, completely misinterpreting your realization for rejection. his eyes watered slightly as he avoided your gaze. “it’s been going on for a while now, and i get it if you don’t feel the same! i really do, it’s just,” he sighed shakily, “i don’t want to lose you—”
“ethan—”
“i was completely willing to just shut up about how i felt as long as that meant i could still have you in my life, y/n,” ethan said, looking into your eyes earnestly. “and i thought i could keep it under wraps but i have to tell you at least once because—”
“i love you.”
“what?” ethan blinked, making you smile, your head still resting on your arm.
“i love you, ethan.”
a toothy smile spread over his face at that, his shoulders relaxing as he searched your face for any doubt. “are you— are you sure?”
“i wouldn’t say it if i wasn’t,” you murmured softly as you raised your head, making ethan laugh in relief.
“holy shit— i love you too.” ethan said, leaning forward, only for you to stop him.
“e, i might throw up on you if you kiss me.”
“do you think i care?”
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luveline · 10 months
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i’ve been needing some more Spence in my life can I request something w him very fluffy and soft and lovely and wonderful I have no plot I’m so so sorry but you’re a genius please pick up my slack<333
thank u for ur request angel! fem!reader
Spencer is surprising, occasionally. He must have really missed you while you were apart, all five days and seven hours, because he pulls you so tightly into his arms upon seeing you that your heels lift up from the floor. Your laugh is a squeal and you scramble to keep purchase, clinging to him rather than have your full weight topple him over. 
"Hey, Spence!" you say brightly. "You didn't text me to say you were back! What's up with that?" 
"I knew you'd be here. Didn't wanna waste time texting," he says, sounding just as happy as you, his face crushed to the side of your head, the bridge of his nose against your ear. 
"Ah, because texting slows down the speed of the car you're in," you tease, moving back onto proper footing. It creates a gap between your faces, enough to see how tired he looks. 
Spencer hums and smiles despite his dark circles. It's a very vulnerable expression, almost hopeful. Sometimes you think he's worried that, in your time apart, your affection has lessened for him, like a few days is enough to realise he's not worth it. But that would never happen, because he's more than worth it. He deserves to know that. 
You stroke hair out of his face softly with your pinky finger, tucking it behind his ear, your hand pausing against his neck. "I'm glad you're home safe. I can stop worrying about you." 
"For a few days," he says with a wince. 
"Lucky me," you say sincerely. 
He dives in for another hug. You think you might love that most about him, how when he's missed you, all that he wants is to be close to you, choosing a hug over a kiss nine times out of ten. He's a little taller than you and you feel it in moments like this, his arm behind your neck to lock you in, his lips pressed to the highest point of your cheek. 
"It's concerning to me that you didn't hear me come in," Spencer says. "And that you didn't lock your door. You know forty percent of home invasions happen during the day?" 
"I wish I didn't know that now," you say. "You'd protect me, though." 
"With what?" he asks incredulously. 
You giggle and lean away from his embrace. He sounds genuinely confused as to what you're expecting from him, which is funny —he's a special agent for the FBI. "Just because you don't bring a gun home doesn't mean you can't look after us, Spence. I've heard all the stories, remember." 
"Exaggerated by Rossi after a glass of Chambertin." 
He's laughing by the time he finishes his sentence, infected by your giddy smile, his arms settling now behind your back. He hasn't quite mastered the art of casual intimacy; every touch from him is loaded with meaning and sincerity alike. 
You look up into his face. "I trust you, but I'll lock the door next time. Is it really forty percent? That seems high." 
Spencer loads up a spiel of statistics for you, listing them succinctly but interweaving correlations he clearly thinks you'll find interesting. He doesn't gloss over the scary stuff or the convoluted math. You're reeling by the time he's done. But happy, completely, in the circle of his arms. 
"I missed you," you say. 
Spencer looks surprised. "I missed you more," he says, matter-of-fact. 
You shake your head gently. "No. You didn't." 
Spencer dips his head down for a soft kiss. Your eyes shutter closed, your hand leaping for his cheek. He kisses you so sweetly that you think, Maybe he did miss me more. 
His thumb presses into your hip, his kiss ramping in urgency, and you fail to think about anything after that. 
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nichoswag · 9 months
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Hey Rei! I've been thinking for a while if I should send a prompt request or not, but here we go. 😂 (Hope you'll like it lol)
So my idea is #15 "Please stop flirting with me, my parents are right there." with a fake dating trope. And the idol who first came to my mind was Heeseung, I feel like he would match this well! You're free to decide the atmosphere of the story, I, personally was just feeling funny haha. I hope you'll have fun with this request! <33
flirt . lee heeseung
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prompt: "please stop flirting with me, my parents are right there."
pairing: fake bf!heeseung x gn reader
warnings: fake dating au, lots of flirting, kissing, teasing, like one light innuendo
song rec: into it - chase atlantic (warning: song is extremely sexual)
a/n: hii marine! admittedly i did push this to the top of my list because i feel a bit more inclined to complete reqs from my moots ♡ sorry it took so long, but i did have a lot of fun with this request!! i hope you enjoy :))
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if someone were to ask you how you got in this situation, you honesly couldn't say you have a clue.
walking into your childhood friend's parents' house hand-in-hand with him, you're still questioning how you got here.
well, to put it simply, you and heeseung grew up together. you even went to college together, and now you're back home together. but, you're now actually together.
at least, that's what you've told both of your parents, after constant nagging and pleading from both ends for you both to date someone. so, your solution was to pretend you're both dating each other.
now, you're shaking due to the nerve of the roles you're both about to play.
heeseung squeezes your shaking hand that's placed in his, sending you a reassuring smile. "hey, it's fine. we're only doing this to get them off our backs."
your heart flutters at his smile and the kind action.
mrs lee opens the door for the both of you. "____! it's so nice to see you," she exclaims, pulling you into a hug.
"moooom," heeseung whines. "what about me?"
she chuckles. "oh, hush. i haven't seen ____ in years."
as she welcomes the two of you into her house, you realize how natural this feels after all. besides, you and mrs lee have always been close, as your moms are best friends, so she's like a second mom to you anyway.
heeseung leads you through the wide hall into the large dining room. sending you a wink, he pulls back your chair for you. you send him a weird look as you sit down, but he ignores it and pushes your chair in, taking a seat next to you.
diagonal from where you and heeseung sit, your fathers are arguing about who's lawnmower does the better job. you chuckle at their pettiness as your mother chastises your dad for picking a fight over such a stupid thing. things haven't changed at all.
you're immersed in a conversation with heeseung until someone takes a seat across from you. it's heedo, your fake boyfriend's older brother.
and your childhood crush.
there's a girl sitting next to him, and they're holding hands, just as you and heeseung were a few minutes ago.
heeseung seems to notice your curiosity, because he leans closer to speak into your ear. "that's yeri, heedo's girlfriend." he takes your hand again and squeezes it. "are you okay? we can leave if you're uncomfortable," he offers, knowing about your long-term crush on his brother.
you shake your head. "i'm alright. just surprised."
he nods, understanding. "are you over him? i mean, you've dated since you last saw him."
"i think so, actually." you smile, nostalgia hitting you suddenly. "he was my childhood crush, so i guess it's just weird for me. it's not like i haven't seen him with a girl before."
you remember the time you saw him making out with a girl at a party him and heeseung had thrown in high school while yours and their parents were on a trip. you'd then gotten drunk on wine to the point of throwing up, and heeseung had held your hair back half the night at your house while you threw up.
then, when he brought his first girlfriend for dinner with his parents. heeseung had invited you over, not knowing he was there with his girlfriend, and you'd spent the evening crying in his room while he held you.
heeseung grins at you, seemingly remembering those nights too. you feel eternally grateful to have someone like him in your life.
he presses a kiss to your temple, seemingly trying to keep up the act. "you hungry, cutie?"
you nod shyly, blushing as he ruffles your hair. "starved."
within a few moments, heedo and heeseung get up to help their mother bring plates of food from the kitchen and set them in the middle of the large dining table.
yeri stares at you across the table. you feel self-conscious as she eyes you up and down, as if she's analyzing how big of a threat you are to her.
heeseung catches a glance at her eyeing you as he sits down, sighing as he realizes what's going on. he glares back at her, and she just smiles innocently, fixing a napkin on her lap. she glares at you as she kisses heedo on the cheek.
"what's her problem?" heeseung whispers in your ear.
you shrug. "i have no clue. I've literally just been sitting here."
he rolls his eyes. "i hope she doesn't cause a scene."
dinner does end up going without a hitch. besides a few more glares from yeri when heedo asks about your experiences in university and settling into your new job, you feel at ease. even when yours and heeseung's parents ask how you two began dating, you're able to answer the questions just as the two of you practiced earlier.
you notice heeseung looking at you with an expression you don't recognize throughout dinner. almost like admiration, except his eyes are fiery. you just think he's playing the role of your loving boyfriend.
mrs lee brings out a tray of sweets. "anyone hungry for dessert?" she practically sings.
heeseung grins and leans close. "mine's already here." he places a hand on your knee.
you choke on your own spit, and he pats your back. "please stop flirting with me, my parents are right there," you whisper-yell into his ear as everyone stares at you both.
your hear giggles, and you realize everyone must have heard what you said.
your mother smiles sweetly at the both of you. "don't worry, we're not judging you. the two of you are adorable."
you blush furiously, and heeseung ruffles your hair again.
yeri huffs from across the table, and you realize she must be jealous of the attention you two are receiving as a couple, not insecure of her relationship. she busies herself with fixing heedo's collar aggressively.
he grabs her hands as the attention turns to them. "what is your problem? you've been like this all evening. can't you just act normal?"
heeseung stifles a laugh from beside you and you nudge him with your elbow. "what's funny?"
he leans over to whisper in your ear for the third time tonight. "just that they're seemingly an actual couple and they get along worse than us."
you giggle, and yeri turns to glare furiously at you. "what the fuck is funny, you callous bitch?"
there are gasps all along the table, and heeseung nearly stands up defensively before you grab his arm to pull him down.
"don't think i haven't noticed you flaunting you perfect boyfriend all night." she laughs mockingly. "you're like a three. how did you manage to pull that guy?"
"get out." heedo glares at his probably soon-to-be-ex girlfriend, motioning towards the hall that leads to the front door.
"what?" her tough front cracks as she wears a scared face. "heedo-"
"i said. get. out." he gets up, pulling her up with him and marching toward the hallway.
you can hear the yelling and screaming still. "i've told you before, she's like a fucking SISTER to me! who are you to talk to my family like that?" "SHE WAS TAUNTING ME WITH HER PERFECT GUY-"
eventually, the screaming is muffled as it seemingly continues outside.
mrs lee gains her composure and proceeds with setting out the dessert. "kids these days are so dramatic. minus my ____, of course. you're an angel."
you smile at her. "thanks, mrs lee."
her smile falters. "honey, why don't you just call me 'mom?' i'll be your mother-in-law eventually, anyway."
you nearly choke again, and heeseung stifles a laugh. "just go with it," he mouths.
you smile again. "sure, mom. thank you for the dessert."
dinner wraps up rather quickly after the dramatic scene. heedo returns at the very end, looking very disheveled as you and heeseung make your way up the long spirals stairs to his room, where you'll both be staying the night.
heeseung lets out a long laugh after he closes the door to his childhood bedroom, nearly slumping against it. "that was a train wreck. heedo has terrible taste in girls."
you giggle. "he should've just chosen me when he had the chance."
heeseung's smile fades. "no, i rather like having you to myself."
your feel a twinge of pain in your heart at the way his smile drops. "hee, i was just kidding. i told you, i'm over him. i think i like someone else now, anyway."
the smile that began to creep onto his face at the first part of your speech drops again as he hears the last part. "oh." his shoulders slump, face looking dejected.
you catch his face in your hands as he turns away from you. "hee, do you really not realize who i'm talking about?"
his eyes widen in realization. "you mean..."
"yes, i mean i like you, lee heeseung." you grin at him.
before you realize it, he's taking you into his arms and picking you off the ground and you're spinning through the air. you both giggle as you come back onto the ground.
now flustered, you look away from him "so..."
"i like you too, ____. i thought that was pretty obvious." he ruffles your hair yet again, pulling you close by your waist.
you giggle. "it kinda was."
he looks at you for a moment, gentle gaze flickering between your eyes and lips. "can i kiss you?"
you nod, and he leans down to connect your lips gently. you wrap your arms around his neck, one hand resting on the nape of his neck, and the other tangling in his hair.
he pulls away and you lean your head against his chest, breathless.
"fuck, i think i might be in love with you." the words leave your mouth before you can even think about what you're saying.
he smirks down at you as you meet his eyes, yours wide. "yeah? what makes you think that?"
you inhale sharply. "you've been there for me through everything since we were kids. my heart hurts when you're sad, i feel angry when you're angry, and i'm happy when you are. also, i always find myself missing you when you're not around. i think that's love."
he smiles, eyes shining brightly. "if that's the case, i love you too."
minutes later, you're settled in a pair of heeseung's clothes, waiting on his bed for him to come back from the bathroom.
as he enters the room, your heart races. you've spent nights together as friends, no biggie. but now, it's the real deal.
he sprawls out on the bed beside you and turns to look at you. "cuddle?" he asks, opening his arms. you practically dive into them as they wrap around your body tightly.
you realize you feel safe here. that to you, there's never been any place safer than in his arms.
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©nichoswag | do not copy my work or repost onto any other platform.
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crypticreid · 8 months
Text
KINKTOBER DAY TWO
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October 6 -- Phone Sex
masterlist
author's note: first of all, I've been so overwhelmed with the amount of support I've received so far on my first post. Truly, it means the world to me, so thank you! 💖💖💖Also, I've started a tag list for kinktober. If you would like to be added, please reply to one of my posts or message me!
summary: after injuring yourself, you've been forced to stay home from a case and you miss Spencer more than you'd like to admit. Lucky for you, he's missing you just as much.
warnings: female reader, masturbation, guided masturbation, horny ramblings, a little bit of spencer dominance, dirty talk
word count: 2.8k
this is adut content. 18+ plus only. minors do not interact!
Your apartment was spotlessly clean. You’d spent almost the whole day organizing and scrubbing and even rearranging furniture. You hadn’t been able to sit still all day, distracted and bored at the same time. 
While on the last case a few days ago, you had sprained your ankle pretty bad. At least bad enough that Hotch had basically forced you to take a few days of leave. You argued that you could work the current case from the office with Garcia, but he’d simply leveled his ‘this isn’t up for discussion’ look at you, and you shut your mouth. Reid had offered to drive you home and then spent the entire night pampering you and not even letting you lift a finger. Then he had to leave for this case, and you were alone. Which had been okay while your ankle throbbed, but now your ankle was perfectly fine, and you were dying being stuck at home. 
You were restless, but nothing you did helped. And now you’re frustrated. 
You bite down on your bottom lip as you try to think of literally anything else you can do to keep your mind busy. Your eyes fall onto the clock hanging on the wall, and you notice that it’s almost midnight. 
There’s barely a slim chance that he’ll pick up, but you grab your cell phone anyway and call Spencer. It rings for several seconds until his automated voicemail picks up. A sigh falls from your lips. 
“Hey, Spencer. It’s me. I know you’re busy. I just – I just miss you.” You sigh again and feel slightly annoyed at how pitiful you sound. But it’s true. 
It’s been hard to sleep since he’s gone, both because you’ve realized you spend too much time worrying about him and because the bed feels so empty without his long limbs taking up an unfair amount of space. You miss laying on the couch with your feet tucked under his thigh as you both read in comfortable quietness. And you hate how empty your apartment feels without him here. “Anyway, stay safe. And I’ll see you when you get home. Love you.” 
You hang up the phone and slump onto the couch with a groan. After a few minutes of trying to read, you give up and decide to take a shower and head to bed. You toss your cell phone onto your bed as you take off your clothes and grab a towel. In the bathroom, you turn on the shower, and as you wait for the water to warm up, you glance at the mirror. 
You see your naked body, the body that Spencer spends so much time worshiping. Your hands graze up your thighs, remembering how his hands grab onto them when he holds you pressed against his mouth as his tongue brings you to orgasm after orgasm. You continue your journey upwards across your stomach where he presses kisses and murmurs how much he loves you, to your breasts where he licks and nips and takes your nipple in between his teeth. 
A warmth begins to gather low in your belly, and you feel the beginning twinges of need in your core. Quickly, you blink away the images of Spencer and drop your hands to the cool counter of the sink. You take a few deep breaths as you lean against the counter. 
In the shower, you can’t help it when your hands caress your skin, paying special attention to your breasts. You moan out loud alone and realize why you’ve been so restless today. There’s a slight blush coloring your cheeks at the understanding. You rush through the rest of your shower and dry off with the towel so you can throw back the comforter of your bed and settle into the freshly cleaned sheets. 
You start to rub your thighs, massaging and focusing on the sensation against your skin. With your eyes closed, an image of Spencer emerges, leaning over you, touching you. No, now he’s lying next to you, he’s breathing against your neck right after he kisses below your ear, and his hands leave your thighs and travel across your stomach. Just the fingertips, almost tickling, raising the anticipation, and he smiles when you take a sharp intake of breath before he reaches your breasts. Your hands are smaller than his, so it isn’t exactly the same sense of pleasure, but it works for now. 
If he was here, Spencer would be kissing your neck, so gingerly, and then he’d laugh lightly against your skin when you’d squirm impatiently. But since he isn’t here, you don’t have to tease. Release was only a few minutes away. Your fingers gather the wetness at your core and glide upward toward your clit. 
Instantly, you sigh at the contact and begin leisurely circles on the sensitive bud as your imaginary Spencer looks into your eyes. He would lean down to kiss your lips, just as slowly as his fingers moved on you, his tongue teasing your lips, but never giving himself over to you fully. Not yet. You moan his name and speed up your fingers. 
The pleasure rises deep within you, your hips moving in tandem with your fingers, and you apply just a little more pressure. Another sharp intake of breath, and you can tell you’re close. 
Your phone rings. You freeze your motions, unaware of your surroundings for a split second, but then you force your eyes open and scramble off the bed. The ringtone is somewhere in the room, but you can’t remember where you left your phone. 
The phone rings incessantly as though it’s mocking you as you feverishly search for it. When you pull the comforter off the bed harshly, a loud clang on the floor confirms the phone’s location. You grab it and answer breathlessly, “hello.” 
“Why are you out of breath?” Spencer asks on the other end, a thousand or so miles away. 
You press a hand to your sweaty forehead and then push sticky strands of hair off of it. “Oh, I was in the shower, and I heard the phone ringing in the bedroom.” You lie even though Spencer is a genius profiler and would most likely see right through it. But the idea of admitting to him that you were touching yourself to the thought of him made your stomach do somersaults. 
There is a small pause before he replies, “I’m sorry for interrupting your shower.” 
“I was done. It’s fine.” You chew on your bottom lip.
“Oh, good. I got your message.” 
“I’m sorry for bothering you.” You sit on the edge of the bed. 
“Don’t apologize. It was nice to hear your voice.” His words make your heart flutter. “I miss you.” 
You sigh, “I miss you too,” and lie back horizontal across the bed, your feet dangling off the edge. 
“I’ll be home tomorrow. We wrapped up the case about an hour ago, but there’s a bad thunderstorm, and flights were grounded.” You picture him alone in a hotel room holding his cellphone up to his ear, his long body across the bed. 
“How was the case?” 
“I’d rather talk about you. How was your day?” 
You turn on your side so you can fiddle with the top sheet that was left askew by all of your frantic movements earlier. “Nothing exciting.”
“And how’s your ankle?” 
“Perfectly fine. Not even sore.” 
“I’ll see about that. Don’t think I won’t take a look at it tomorrow.” 
“You’re not a medical doctor, Spencer.” You roll your eyes with a small smile playing on your lips. He laughs lightly. 
There is a soft silence between the two of you for a few moments. It isn’t awkward but comforting. Almost as if he’s lying beside you and the two of you are simply resting in the presence of each other. “What were you really doing before I called?” He inquires. 
You smile. He’s too smart for his own good. “Exercising,” you quip. 
“The kind of exercise that requires your hand between your legs.” 
“Spencer!” You gasp. 
He laughs again, and you wish he was next to you because you’d kiss the laugh off his lips. “Am I wrong?” 
“How did you know?” 
“I’m a profiler.” 
“No, really tell me,” you demand. Profiling isn’t a magic trick, and Spencer isn’t a psychic. 
“I guessed.” You roll your eyes because you can see his face in your mind, the sly almost smug smile and the eyes full of amusement. 
“Bullshit.” 
“No, truly. I figured you missed me just as much as I missed you.” His voice lowers to almost a whisper, and it sends a shiver down your spine. “That you’ve been thinking about me just as much as I’ve been thinking about you.” 
“You’ve been thinking about me?” You murmur. 
“I can’t get you out of my head. It’s quite distracting, to be completely honest.” 
“Me? Distracting the brilliant Dr. Reid?” You ask innocently. 
“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” His voice has taken on that husky tone that sends wet heat straight to your core. 
“Tell me.” You repeat your earlier demand, your hand rubbing mindless patterns across your skin. 
“I’m hard just from hearing your voice. It’s taking everything in me to not to unbuckle my pants and fuck into my hand like I’d fuck into you.” 
You can’t help but bite your lip at his words because it’s rare for him to curse like that. “Do it.” 
“Only if you do it too. Can you do that for me, baby? Can you touch yourself and make yourself come just from my voice.” 
“Yes,” you reply breathlessly, your hand traveling lower. 
He hums low and deep in the back of his throat. “You’re already doing it aren’t you, sweetheart? Couldn’t even wait for me to undo my belt. Needed it that bad, didn’t you?” 
“I need it.” 
You’re about to reach your aching center when he makes a quick tutting sound. “Don’t touch yourself yet.” You instantly pull your hand away. “Go get your earbuds and connect them to your phone. I want to be right in your ear, and I want both of your hands free.” 
You comply quickly, putting in your earbuds and then laying back down on your bed. You set your phone beside you. “I’m ready.” 
“Are you? What are you ready for?” He teases. He wants you to vocalize exactly what you want even though it makes you blush or maybe because it makes you blush. He wants it despite not being here to see it. 
“To touch myself.” 
“And?” 
“To make myself come from just your voice.” 
“Good…” he starts, but you have one more thing to add. 
“And I want to hear you come too, baby.” 
In the distance, you can hear the clanking of his belt as he undoes it and the shuffling of him taking off his pants. “I’ll do anything for you.” You settle into the bed, anticipation buzzing across your skin. “Are you comfortable?” 
“Yes.” 
“Perfect. Close your eyes and just focus on my voice and your breathing. Take a deep breath for me. And let it go, just like that. Where do you need me most, sweetheart?” 
“Everywhere.” You answer instantly. 
“No, baby, I know, but focus for me. Where is that ache? Where do you need me to touch you?”
You take a deep breath. “My breasts.” Your entire body is aching with want, but your breasts are desperate to be touched. 
“I want so badly to touch you, I wish I was there. I want to put your breasts in my hands. Do that for me, please.” You do as he asks, kneading your breasts. “Open your mouth, baby, and take one of your fingers and get it wet. Now play with your nipple, tease it, circle it.” 
You moan as you tease yourself. “Yes. I want to hear you, tell me how good it feels. Show me how much you miss me.” 
“I need you, Spencer.” You groan as you lightly pinch your nipple. 
“I know, I know. I need you too.” On the other end of the phone, you can hear the sounds of him touching himself, slowly. He’s teasing himself just as much as he’s teasing you. “When I get home to you, I’m going to show you just how much I need you. I’m going to make you come with my fingers. With my tongue. Over and over again. And then I’ll finally give you my cock, just when you think you’ve had enough. And I’ll make you come one more time on my cock. Is that what you want, baby?” 
Your back arches off the bed, still playing with your breasts and nipples. “Yes, oh my god. I want it so bad.” 
“How bad, honey? Tell me, is your pussy dripping for me? ‘Cause you need me that bad.” 
Your dominant hand moves to your core, and you feel how soaked you are. “Yes. Yes. I need you. I’m so wet.” 
“Touch your clit, baby. Slow, do it slow for me at first. You know, just like I would.” 
Even though your eyes are already closed, you squeeze them closed tighter when you make contact with your clit. It’s practically throbbing and you exhale a sharp breath. “Oh my god, Spencer. I can’t. I need –” 
“Slow, yes you can. Take a deep breath, focus on my voice.” 
An uncontrolled moan escapes your throat, but you do as he says. You concentrate on his breaths over the phone, and you match yours to his. Then you match the rhythm of your hand to the sound of his as he ruts into his hand. You listen to his grunts and whimpers, both of you racing toward a needed release. 
He lets out a guttural sound. “Do you feel empty? Do you need to be filled?” 
“So bad, so bad.” 
“I’d fill you so good if I was there.” He groans, and you hear him lose his rhythm for a second as his hips falter. “Slip one of your fingers in. But with your other hand. I need you to keep rubbing that beautiful clit.” 
As you slowly push one finger into you, he continues to ramble. “I wish I was there to taste you. You taste so good, baby. I love how gorgeous you look when I’ve got my mouth on you. The way you grind your clit against my tongue because you’re so needy. So desperate to come.” 
Your finger pumps faster into you, the need and pleasure climbing higher within you as you buck your hips in time with the movement of your hands. You’re breathless, but you tell Spencer, “I’m so desperate.” 
“I know you are.” He groans. “Do you know how bad I need it too? Can you add another finger for me, baby? Fill yourself even more.” You clench against your two fingers. He’s panting into the phone, and you can picture the way his hair would be stuck to his forehead as he pounded into you, completely lost in the feeling of you squeezing him.
“I’m gonna come, baby.” You gasp out. You feel like you have no control over your body as though Spencer was completely in control even though it’s your fingers frantically stroking. 
“Are you? Are you going to make yourself come all over your fingers?” 
“Yes, I have to. I –” 
“Yeah, you do. You’re doing so well. I need to hear you come. I need to hear you be so good for me. Coming all over your fingers, all by yourself. But you’re thinking of me aren’t you?” 
“Yes… yes. Always.” 
“I can make you come so hard even when I’m not there. And you’re going to make a mess, a beautiful, perfect mess as you finish.” You moan loudly. “That’s it. Just like that.” He’s groaning and muttering, and you know he’s close too. “I wish I was coming in you, feeling you clench around me. And I’d rub that needy clit of yours, your nails would be scratching against my skin because you just can’t help yourself. Please come, baby. I need it.” 
You come with his name on your lips, your body clenches and shakes, and you listen closely to his climax. He lets out a shaky breath after a few moments. “I love you.” He says, and you hate that you can’t kiss him. 
“I love you too.” Your breathing slowly returns to normal. 
“Are you okay?” He checks in with you, and you smile as you roll onto your side and settle deeper into the bed, suddenly very tired. 
“I’m great. Are you?” You yawn. 
“Yes. Get some sleep, sweetheart.” 
“Come home soon.” 
“I’m coming home to you as soon as I possibly can. I can’t be apart from you like this.” 
“Neither can I. Talk to me until I fall asleep?” 
“Of course. Anything for you.”
tag list: @spenciesprincess @catalinasroom @tylevx
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dragonmama76 · 9 months
Text
Working on part 2 of Beginnings, but until then here’s a small interlude. You can read the first bit here Part One
“Are you excited to start high school?” Steve feels like every lame adult he’s ever known, but he’s been wanting to have this conversation for a while now, preferably before his gang of nerds walk unprepared into his alma mater.
“I mean, sure.” Dustin says. “They have an amazing media lab and the AP science teachers are supposed to be really good. It’s never too early to think about college! Uh, sorry Steve.”
“Alright, shut it. If I had a brain like yours maybe I’d be in college now.” Steve rolls his eyes affectionately.
“And I heard Nancy say there’s an after-school club for D&D, so that might be okay. I mean, it won’t be as good without Will there but…” Mike trails off, a frown settling on his face.
“Yeah, okay I guess your demons and dingbats thing could be good.” Steve feels vaguely uneasy. Something to do with that club...it probably doesn't matter.
“Well, I’m also trying out for the basketball team.” Lucas adds softly.
“My man!!” Steve grins and holds his hand up for a high five. “I’m around if you want to get some practice in before tryouts. And I've got an in with the coach if you want me to put in a good word for you.”
“Nice! I'm always up for more practice!" Lucas grins back matching Steve's enthusiasm.
"And nepotism," retorts Dustin.
"Okay, brain boy. I don't know what that is, but it sounds gross and we don't have it." Steve smirks and cocks his head before remembering this was supposed to be a serious conversation.
"Anyway...I just wanted to talk to you guys about sticking together and always having each-other's backs." Steve starts and Dustin, of course interrupts, "Obviously, Steve. Who do you think we are?"
"No, man, I know. It's just that it can be pretty intimidating and the bullying can be...more intense than what you're used to in Middle School." Steve conceeds.
"Like you'd know anything about being bullied!" snorts Mike, "You were the bully."
"Uh...well." Steve doesn't want to scare the kids, but he does want them to be prepared. "I was kind of an asshole for a while..."
"Ya think?" Dustin chimes in.
"Shut up and let me talk!" Steve says in his best mom voice. "I had to learn to be harder in school. My freshman year this older kid made me his target and it was pretty awful. It got so bad I didn't even want to go to school half the time."
"That really sucks, man." Lucas gives Steve a supportive look.
"Aw, what, did he call you names? Make fun of your hair?" Mike sneers. He can't help but run his mouth sometimes. He likes Steve well enough, but not like Dustin and Lucas do and he can't stand how they worship him sometimes. Steve isn't that great.
"Dude. He pulled a knife on me for like, no reason. I was fourteen."
"Woah" Dustin just exhales. "So like, is high school....dangerous?" All three boys are seriously paying attention now, eyes wide.
"Nah, not normally. Anyway, it got better once I was deep in with the guys on the basketball team. So I'm just saying. Find a group that has your back. And you guys look out for other kids too, all right? And tell ME if anyone bothers you. I've got a bat that can sort them out."
"Dude....you can't just nailbat a teenager." Dustin snorts.
"I dunno, squirt," Steve ruffles Dustin's hair and he yelps ducking away, "If I find out anyone is messing with you guys....well, maybe not the nail bat, but just...promise to tell me okay? I don't want anyone of you going through what I did."
"We promise." They all chime dutifully.
"Hellfire!" Mike shouts as they all turn to look at him like he's got three heads. "What?" he says, "That's the name of the club."
"Hellfire." Steve mutters. Why does that name make his stomach hurt? He'll probably remember later. Meanwhile he's glad his twerps are going to have a good support system when they start school.
Read Part One, Part Two, Part Three
Tag list (ask if you want to be tagged for the full part 2) @swimmingbirdrunningrock @phirex22 @lilpomelito @thaliaisalesbian
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thatfreshi · 9 months
Text
I Want to Mean It - Astarion x Reader
Your wedding is fast approaching, and you have one last preparation to make.
Recommended Song: Sick of Losing Soulmates - Dodie
You and Astarion are set to get married tomorrow evening. After nautiloid crashes and illithid parasites, you never really thought you'd get to do some romantic ritual like this. After all, both of you should have been long gone by now, yet Lady Luck stuck around.
Despite how soon the ceremony is, you've been quite busy working with Gale, who just so happens to be your best man. A powerful wizard like that is good to have on your side, especially when marrying a vampire. After yet another long day of perfecting spells and testing magical methods, you return home to your lover, who is making last-minute stitches into his wedding outfit.
"If it isn't my soon-to-be spouse, come here my love."
Despite his cold skin, it's a warm embrace. You're tense though, and he can sense it.
"What's the matter darling?"
You try to swallow the nervousness, but it sticks in your throat.
"I'm sorry I've been so busy this week. I just wanted to make sure everything was perfect for us."
"Why of course. It has to be a night to remember after all. Wouldn't be our wedding if it wasn't."
You go to grab something out of your pocket, wrapping your hand around a small vial, almost shattering the glass with your grasp.
"What have we here?"
He slips his hand past yours, easily removing the vial from your hand. To his surprise, it's empty. There is a slight coating of what used to be a liquid inside.
"Astarion, I love you so, so much."
He investigates the vial further, almost ignoring your sentence.
"Well of course my love, I know that."
He uncorks the vial, and is immediately hit with a sickeningly sweet smell, a scent he can't quite place.
"My god, what is this. Or better yet, what was this?"
You're shaking, unsure of what he'll say if you tell him. Instead, you move to your other pocket and grab a rolled-up piece of paper from Gale's journal. Putting it in his pale hand, you go to sit on the bed, head in your hands. He begins reading.
"On the sixth day of attempting to perfect my spell, I have confirmed the following:
It was successful
The research I found was accurate and correctly documented
The subject has gained immortality."
There is more listed below, but he doesn't read it.
"Tav, you idiot. You absolute fool I-"
Astarion is unable to speak, both dumbfounded and emotional.
"Ambrosia, you're playing dangerous games. Games you don't know the rules to."
He's angry, you expected him to be. As someone who has lived for centuries, he knows what you've asked for, what you've done. Ambrosia, a liquid of pure joy, one of the only things that can grant immortality. You spoke to Gale for weeks on end, trying to figure out the safest way to live forever. Turns out, there are very few, and this one was quite difficult to perform.
"Astarion I-"
"No, we have to reverse it, we have to go to him right now and figure out how to stop this."
"Aster, my love, you know as well as I do that's not possible."
"Well damn it he'll make it possible!"
You shudder a little. He doesn't raise his voice often, usually only ever out of fear. Then the tears roll.
"Why would you do this to yourself."
You get up from the bed and wrap your arms around his shoulders. He turns away, almost as if he's ashamed of your choice.
"Because when we say our vows tomorrow, and I tell you I want to be yours forever, I want to mean it."
You begin to sob too, not out of fear, but out of how much you love this man. Years ago you never would've drunk something like Ambrosia, you never would've asked to live forever.
"But you'll be stuck with me forever. Hells, I'm stuck with me forever and sometimes I wish I wasn't."
You don't know what to say, how to tell him you knew this was right, how you and Gale fought about what you were asking for, how he said that Astarion would react this way. While you try to gather the words, he turns to look at you again, still overwhelmed by this information.
"What if... what if you get sick of me?"
You wipe a tear away from his eye, and give him a bittersweet smile.
"You know damn well we're already sick of each other."
You chuckle, he does too.
"You should've told me."
"Well, I wanted my wedding gift to be a surprise."
While the mood lightens, he loses some of the tension, all of the anger dissipates. He realizes he's not alone anymore, that he won't have to watch you pass on into the afterlife without him.
"Well, it's a phenomenal gift my sweet."
You both become enraptured in a deep kiss, something ravenous behind his lips, something relieved in his heart. That kiss multiplies, until you're both out of breath.
"Save some of that for after the ceremony dear."
You wink at him, and you both burst out laughing. The hysteria in the air, it's something you've never quite felt before, and you'd get every chance to feel it again, alongside with Astarion, and you realize you've never felt more sure about anything in your life. This is one decision you'll never question, as long as he's yours, and you are his.
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septembercfawkes · 11 months
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7 (More) Things I Wish I'd Known as a Beginning Writer
Last time I shared seven things I wish I'd known as a beginning writer. Unsurprisingly, that wasn't an exhaustive list, and I've been thinking about it some more. So, I present to you, seven more things I wish I'd known as a beginning writer. . . .
1. The Central Relationship Needs an Arc and an Actual Plot
Many of us have been told we need a relationship plotline in our stories, but few of us have received any guidance on how to actually do that (unless, of course, you are writing romance).
And in my first novel attempt, back in the day, the central relationship was not romantic. I had an idea for what the relationship was like, but partway through the story, it wasn't working. And it was becoming super annoying.
What I didn't realize was that it was annoying because it was mostly static. Nothing was changing. The characters weren't growing closer together or further apart. Instead of the relationship plotline having "peaks" and "valleys," it was mostly just a straight line.
Of course, I knew it was going to change at the end.
But what I didn't understand was that it still needed a plot through the middle. 🤦‍♀️ Which means it still needed the basics of plot: goal, antagonist, conflict, consequences.
Not just interesting interactions and conversations. Not just banter and pastimes.
In my last post, I mentioned the three basic types of goals: obtain, avoid, maintain.
Well, in relationship plots, this translates into these three basic goals: grow closer to the person (obtain), push further away from the person (avoid), maintain the relationship as is (maintain).
The antagonistic force is whatever gets in the way of that. If your protagonist wants to draw closer to this person, then an antagonistic force should be pushing him away. If he wants to be apart from this person, then the antagonistic force should be pushing him closer. If he wants to maintain the relationship as is, then the antagonistic force is what disrupts that. This creates conflicts and should lead to consequences. 
If you have a relationship plotline, it needs an actual plot.
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2. Choose a Tentative Theme Early, to Better Shape and Evaluate Your Story
If you've been following me for a while, you probably know I consider these three things to be the triarchy (formerly known as "trinity") of storytelling: character, plot, and theme. 
Each of these elements comes out of and influences the others.
This also means you can use each of these to help shape and evaluate the quality of the others.
It's much easier to write a solid story when you understand all three.
If you have only one or two pieces, it's harder to discern which ideas are just okay and which ideas are great. It's harder to discern what does or does not belong in your story.
The best ideas for your story are going to come from and touch each of those three things.
Most beginners are familiar with concepts of characters and plot.
Few know anything about theme.
And fewer still have the desire to learn anything about theme. It's often seen as unimportant or something that "just happens." Okay, sure, it could just happen. Maybe. 
But writing your story will (in the long run) be much easier if you at least understand some basics about theme.
I have so much to say on theme, it could probably fill up a book (and maybe someday it will), but for now, if you want more information on it . . . I'd recommend starting with this article: The Secret Ingredients for Writing Theme. It breaks down the key elements of theme, which can give you a good foundation.
Even if your theme ends up changing a bit, starting with an idea in mind will help keep your story on track.
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3. Your Story Needs a Counterargument
Remember when I was talking about theme, and implied I wasn't going to go into it that much more? Well . . . I guess I'm going to go into it a little more.
The thematic statement is the argument the story is making about life.
But it's not really an argument if no one is disagreeing.
This means your story needs a counterargument (I call this the "anti-theme").
This counterargument will often manifest within the protagonist (as a "flaw" or misbelief or something the character needs to cast off or overcome) and/or within the main antagonistic force. 
It can technically show up in other places and in other ways, but let's keep this basic.
So if your story ultimately shows the audience that it's best to be merciful, then a counterargument for that could be that it's best to enforce justice (Les Mis).
If your story ultimately shows the audience that it's best to ask for, give, and receive help, then a counterargument for that could be that it's best to avoid, withhold, and refuse help and do everything yourself (A Man Called Otto).
If your story ultimately shows the audience that it's best to rely on faith, then a counterargument for that could be that it's best to rely on technology (Star Wars IV: A New Hope).
The two arguments are locked in a "battle" of sorts, similar to how the protagonist and antagonist are, because they are in opposition to one another (see #5 in previous article).
The arguments need to be "shown" more than "told." And the counterargument should be given fair weight, because doing so will actually make the whole theme (and plot and characters) stronger.
Here are some examples to think about:
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4. Writing More isn't Enough to Take Your Work to a Professional Level
We are often told that if we want to be great writers, we need to write more. And this is true. To an extent. 
I've worked with writers who had been writing for decades, but were still at a beginner level.
I have known writers who bent over backward to meet word count goals, only to end up with a pile of slush they couldn't see their way out of.
I myself have spent enormous amounts of time and words trying to write something brilliant.
But for the vast majority of people, putting in the time and word count isn't enough.
What is the point of clocking in more and more hours and typing more and more words if you don't know how professional-level stories actually work?
Don't get me wrong--you absolutely need to put in time and words, and they absolutely will help you improve! And yes, quantity can improve quality.
But also remember this: You don't know what you don't know.
And if you are practicing imperfectly, that doesn't guarantee that one day it's going to be perfect.
If I have lousy technique every time I go bowling (and frankly, I do), that doesn't guarantee I'm going to get any better if I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to improve or what good technique looks like--no matter how much time I put in.
This is sadly usually true for writing.
I'm not saying that no one gets to the professional level by only clocking in writing hours, but just that . . . I don't think most of us do. And I think some of us could spend decades clocking in the hours, and really, just be spinning our hamster wheels because we don't know what we don't know--we don't know why professional stories are professional level, so we don't know how to improve.
Hands-on practice is vital.
But so is education.
Sometimes it's actually more beneficial to learn about the craft from someone than to complete your Xth writing sprint to meet your word count goal.
If I could speak to my past self, I would tell beginner me to spend more time studying the craft. In the long run, it would have actually helped me get better easier and much faster than clocking in another hour of writing (that would have ended up in the garbage bin anyway). I've put in a lot of hours that didn't get me very far because I didn't fully understand where I was trying to get, or how.
There is always more you can learn. And especially in the writing world, there is always another perspective to learn what you think you already know. Many writers talk about the same subjects, but come at them from different angles, and learning even those different angles can help you refine your understanding of that subject.
I'm not going to say that tomorrow you have to sign up to take a bunch of courses (though you can if you want), but make time to learn about the craft regularly. You may want to ask yourself: Is it better for me right now to write for an hour or to learn for an hour?
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5. Conflict for the Sake of Conflict is Actually Filler--You Need Consequences!
There is an adage in the writing community, which is that story = conflict.
And once again, it's true. To an extent.
But adding a bunch of conflict isn't enough to make a story good.
If the conflict doesn't change anything--if it doesn't have at least the power to change any outcomes, then what is the point? It's just stuff happening.
Who cares if a bomb is going to go off, if no one or nothing significant is in danger of being blown up?
Conflicts need consequences to be meaningful.
It's really the consequences that hook and draw readers into the story. Or at least, the potential consequences. It's potential consequences that make up the stakes in the story.
And they draw the audience in because the audience wants to see if what could happen actually does happen. 
Once the audience understands the potential consequences (the stakes), they care about the conflict, because how the conflict is resolved will affect what happens next. The conflict now has significance because it changes the direction of the story, it changes the future.
Consequences also improve the story by strengthening a sense of cause and effect.
As I touched on in my previous post (see #4), random bad things happening is actually less effective (and makes characters less sympathetic). And random good things happening is also less effective (and makes characters less admirable). Instead, it's better if the bad and good things that happen come as a consequence to how a conflict was resolved.
This often happens even at a scene level. Just as nearly every scene should have a goal and antagonist, nearly every scene should have conflict. How that conflict is resolved in that scene should also carry consequences and affect what's going to be happening in the near future of the story (generally speaking).
Consequences also allow the audience to experience tension, which, as counterintuitive as it sounds, can be more effective than outright conflict. Tension is the potential for problems to happen. Conflict is actual problems happening. Tension makes the audience feel suspense. But suspense often only exists because the audience understands the potential consequences (the stakes) in play.
If there are no known consequences, then the conflict often doesn't really matter to the audience, because they can't see how it will change anything significantly.
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6. Starting in Medias Res is Actually Harder, not Easier
A lot of beginning writers struggle with beginnings--which makes sense, because they can be very difficult to write.
And so a lot of beginning writers are told to open their stories in medias res, which translates to "in the midst of things." This basically means you open the story up with some form of rising action (conflict)--usually it's that scene's rising action (see #2 in my previous post).
In other words, you are essentially cutting off the scene's setup.
While this can be effective, and while I may be unpopular in my opinion, I don't feel that it makes things easier. In fact, more often than not, I think it's actually harder to start in medias res.
This relates to what we just talked about above in #5.
When we start a scene in medias res, we are starting with conflict, but if the audience doesn't know why the conflict matters, then it won't hold them for very long.
When you cut off the setup of a scene, you now have to find a way to convey who is there, where is "there," what is there, when, and why we care (the why is the stakes).
--all without slowing the pacing.
This is why I think it's often (though not always) more difficult.
Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying you can't start in medias res, or that you shouldn't start in medias res.
I'm just saying it's tricky.
Instead, I would personally recommend starting just before the scene's conflict. Start early enough to give the audience context to understand what is about to go down: where and when the scene takes place, who is there, what the goal is, and what the potential consequences are. Make the setup long enough to convey the important stuff, but short enough to stay interesting.
Then get to the scene's conflict, the rising action.
You can read more than you probably want to know about in medias res here.
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7. Yes, You Really Need to Do That If You Want to Write at a Professional Level
This last thing is pretty nonspecific, as it's not about one particular piece of writing advice. When I started taking writing seriously and going to conferences and listening to podcasts and what have you, I often felt skeptical of what I heard. Now, sometimes that skepticism served me well (and has led to many of my blog posts), but other times that skepticism held me back. What's the difference?
Being skeptical of "writing rules" has, in the long (long) run, served me well, because it has actually led me to better understand the rules, why they are rules, how they work, and how and when to break them.
But sometimes it wasn't that I was skeptical of the rule itself. It was that I was skeptical that I needed to do X at all. I was skeptical that professionals actually did X.
For example, I would hear about Swain's scene structureand think, Yeah, there is no way most people actually do all this and put all this thought into their scenes. 
Or I would run into a breakdown of character arcs and think, Yeah, there is no way most people actually do all these things to write a great character arc.
And in the community, I have brushed up against this same mentality from others. Viewpoint is a popular subject. "Do I really need to be in one character's viewpoint at a time?" or "Is it really that big of a deal that I described the viewpoint character's face?"
And I'm like . . . on the one hand, no, and on the other hand, well yes--if you want to write at a professional level and be competing professionally.
Not that no professional ever varies from that, but just that those are exceptions that prove the point.
And it's not even that every professional is consciously doing X thing. They may be doing it subconsciously. But X thing usually still needs to be there, for the story to sound professional.
So yes, you really do need to do X thing if you want to be writing at a professional level.
If you don't care about writing at a professional level, then obviously you don't have to. It's totally valid to write for a hobby or just for fun.
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Now I will echo what I said last time. If I had waited until I understood all these things to start writing, I would have been waiting forever. And some things I would have never properly understood without the actual writing process. Yes, we need to be educated on how stories work, but it's also important to sit down and write.
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nicoline1998enilocin · 6 months
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Naughty fantasies | 500 follower special 🖤
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Pairing | Boyfriend!Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Avenger!Fem!Reader
Word count | 2.5K
Summary | Bucky recently discovered a specific fantasy he's been wanting to fulfill. Even though you two have never experimented with roleplaying before, you're instantly on board when he brings up the idea of a Student/Teacher roleplay. It's just not the way you had initially thought...
Warnings | Established relationship ~ boyfriend/girlfriend, use of nickames ~ Doll, Baby Boy, Baby
Smut | Porn with some plot, Bucky watching porn, implied male masturbation, oral ~ M&F receiving, deepthroating, student/teacher roleplay, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), Sub!Bucky Barnes at first, but later he takes back control.
A/n | Firstly, I want to apologize that this has taken so long to be posted, life got in the way and with Fluffcember going on too it was hard for me to find the time to write this. But it's here now, and I hope you will all enjoy it! This is written as a thank you and celebration for reaching 500 followers; this one has been chosen by all of you! 🩵
A/n 2.0 | This is proofread by the amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917, for which I am truly grateful! I also believe this was based on a post from @notafunkiller a while back (please correct me if I'm wrong and it wasn't you!) about wanting to see a student/teacher fic with student Bucky, so I hope this will fulfill at least a little bit of that craving 👀🩵
Events Masterlist | 2. ''Don't tell anyone'' | @the-slumberparty
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Banners: @vase-of-lilies | Divider: @firefly-graphics | GIF: Owner
Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist
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You've been away on a solo mission for the last three weeks, meaning your boyfriend, Bucky, has been looking for a different way to meet his needs. Not in the form of another woman, but in the form of his fist while watching porn.
The idea of porn was very foreign to Bucky at first, but he has always been curious about it. When he truly couldn't take it anymore, he decided to ask you since there's no one else he trusts more with such a sensitive topic than you.
''Doll? Could you come here for a moment?'' Bucky asks as he's seated on his bed, and you're getting ready for a girls' night out with Nat and Wanda.
You just put on your outfit for the night, and once your heels are on, you're ready to go. During this entire time, Bucky had watched you like a hawk, enjoying every curve of your body when you changed and pouting when you told him you couldn't stay.
If it were up to him, he would have you under him the entire night, making each other cum so many times you don't remember your name, let alone where one person begins and the other ends. But no, you couldn't cancel girls' night again.
''Is everything okay?'' you ask as you walk over to him, putting your hand on his thigh as you look at him with a curious gaze.
''Everything's perfect, but I've been... wondering about something,'' he starts, his voice trailing near the end and a blush creeping onto his cheeks. 
Your eyebrows are slightly raised out of curiosity, and your mind is going a mile a minute as you're trying to think of what could be swirling around in his brain. The following sentence is most definitely not on the list of things to even cross your mind, let alone his.
''Where can I watch porn?'' he said it like it was the most casual thing in the world, like someone asking what's for dinner that night. You nearly choked on your saliva, and after your coughing fit, you looked at him to make sure you heard him correctly.
It turns out that you did.
''Are you okay, Doll? I can ask someone else-'' ''No! I can show you!''
It was unexpected, yes, but you didn't want to give Bucky the feeling that you'd think he was weird or that you weren't okay with explaining these things, too. They're only natural, after all.
And that's how you found yourself explaining to Bucky where he can find free porn, and he has been exploring the wonderful world of online porn.
Ever since that night, he has watched porn a couple of times, usually only when you're away on long missions like you are now. He's been watching one of his usual videos when he stumbles upon something he's never seen before that instantly piques his interest.
Student/Teacher roleplay. After that first video, he has been going down an entire rabbit hole of roleplay porn, but he noticed he gets the most satisfaction from the student/teacher dynamic.
Somewhere along the way, he found out about the dynamics being reversed. It was usually a male being the teachers and a female being the students; in this one, a female teacher was punishing her badly behaving student.
Now, he's trying to find a good way to bring up the fact that he's interested in trying out a little roleplay of his own. It's not something you two have ever tried before, but it's not something you have discussed.
So here he finds himself watching the same video over and over again, his sweatpants on his knees together with his underwear and his fist wrapped around his cock, stroking himself at a leisurely pace.
Despite seeing the video countless times at this point, it never fails to get him off, and this time is no exception if it weren't for the fact that you swung open the bedroom door, just as he was about to reach his climax.
His super soldier hearing had not notified him of your arrival because he screamed when you caught him, his phone flying across the room as he tried to cover himself up.
''D-doll! Fuck! I didn't know you'd be home so soon...'' he mumbles, his face bright red while you walk over to where his phone landed to see if it's okay.
''Please, don't tell anyone!'' Bucky pleads, not wanting everyone to know about the kind of porn he watches. It's nothing illegal or anything, but that doesn't mean he's not embarrassed by it.
''I won't, Bucky; this will stay between us,'' you reassure him as you take off your boots before making your way over to the bed, where he's still waiting for what you're going to do next.
''So, you've wanted to try a little roleplay, huh? Well, you could have just asked me, and I would have happily said yes, silly boy,'' you tell him with a sensual voice.
You take slow steps towards the bed as you pull down the zipper on the front of your Tac suit, exposing your bra underneath.
''But first, do you want me to help with your not-so-little problem?'' you ask him, crawling on the bed and in between his legs before pulling the pillow away, revealing how he's still hard as a rock.
''Y-yes, please,'' he whispers, and without any hesitation, you bend down to give a few licks across his red, weeping tip to lick off the few drops of pre-cum that have gathered.
Your fist wraps loosely around the base, closing your mouth around his tip, sucking softly, and earning yourself a loud moan from your boyfriend that has your pussy clenching around nothing.
Slowly, you work more of him into your mouth and throat until your nose makes contact with his pubic bone, and you're gagging around his length. This turns out the be his undoing, and without so much as a warning, he shoots every last drop of cum into your mouth, letting you swallow every last drop.
''Fucking hell, Doll, you always know how to give a warm welcome-'' he tells you as he's softening and coming down from his high, ''- but now it's my time to give you the same.''
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The next day, you and Bucky discussed roleplay and your interest in trying it out. However, this is also when Bucky confessed he would like to be the one receiving the punishment and taking the sub role in this scenario.
Your discussion has led to you searching for an office you could use, which may have resulted in a somewhat awkward situation with Steve. See, you've been trying to figure out if any offices are available with a lock on the door, but you didn't want him to know what you would be doing there.
"So, about the office… Is there one available?" you ask Steve again. It's been about a week since you last discussed it with him.
"Well, there are plenty available, but I can't exactly assign an office to you without knowing what you're going to do there," he tells you, focusing intently on your face. You know he means well, but that doesn't make it any less embarrassing.
"I have some- uhm- personal business? With… Well, with Bucky…" you say, your voice trailing off to a whisper, and that's when Steve finally puts two and two together. It's not about exactly what you would be doing, but it did click why you need an office with a lock.
"Oh! Well, uhm… Yeah! We have- I'll put you on the list; I'll let you know!" he says as his cheeks turn bright red, and with that, he storms off to try and not make the situation any more awkward. You quickly retreat to your bedroom to tell Bucky the excellent news, but you decide not to mention that Steve has an idea about what you will do.
A week later, you find yourself in the office Steve assigned you and Bucky. The door is locked so you two can avoid getting interrupted.
''Are you sure you want to do this? Because you know I'm okay with this, of course, but I care about your wellbeing too, Bucky,'' you tell him before you start.
''I'm sure, Doll. And I have my safeword if anything happens that I'm uncomfortable with,'' he reassures you. This does make you feel a little more at ease, and you need to get a few more things ready before your scene.
You've already changed into your outfit of a tight skirt that barely covers your ass, a white blouse that is about two sizes too small, your boobs and bra on full display, a pair of high stockings, and high heels. The entire look is finished with a high ponytail and your glasses.
''Ready, Baby boy?'' you ask Bucky when everything is ready, and when he notifies you that he's ready, you instantly switch into teacher mode. Suddenly, you're glad you've been a high school teacher for a few years before joining the Avengers.
''Somebody-'' you start with a raised voice ''- has gotten an F on last week's test. And because of that, they will receive a fitting punishment.''
Bucky's eyes instantly go wide at how you naturally slipped into your role. Between your authoritative tone and the way you look, he can already feel himself growing hard in his pants, and he has to adjust himself already.
This doesn't go unnoticed by you, and you walk over to Bucky, your heels clicking loudly on the wooden floor. You lean forward when you're at Bucky's table, and this only makes your boobs stand out more, making Bucky unable to look away from them.
You clear your throat loudly, and his eyes instantly snap up to yours, and he knows he's been caught. A deep red color appears on his cheeks and down his neck, and you can't help but grin at the sight.
''What's the problem, Baby Boy? Am I making you nervous by standing so close?'' you whisper in his ear after leaning in, and you are so close to him that he can smell the perfume you're wearing.
He bought it for you last Christmas, and you only wear it for special occasions. This occasion is very special, and his head reels from the thought.
You get back up, and he instantly misses you being so close, but that feeling is quickly gone when he watches you walk, the fabric of the skirt stretching slightly across your butt.
The sway of your hips has his mouth slightly agape and his hand reaching down to his crotch, palming himself over his jeans to give him the slightest bit of relief.
''Barnes!'' you say, and he quickly pulls his hand above the table. His eyebrows go into his hairline as he looks at you, and you turn around, sitting on your desk with your legs crossed.
''Come over here, Baby Boy, and I will give you your punishment now, so you won't have to go to detention later,'' you tell him, your glasses sliding down your nose as you playfully look over them.
He slides his chair back without hesitation, and before you know it, he's in front of you, the bulge in his pants very noticeable. He's enjoying this even more than you thought he would, and it makes you smile.
''For the first part of your punishment, I want you to sit on your knees, and eat this pussy until I tell you to stop, is that clear?'' you ask him, and he nods.
''Words, Baby Boy,'' you order, and he follows with a soft 'yes.'
''Good boy,'' you tell him as you spread your legs for him, and he sinks to his knees, his hands hooking behind your knees to pull you towards the edge of the desk. A soft gasp leaves your lips, and Bucky spreads your legs wider with his shoulders, opening you up for him.
The skirt you're wearing rides up to your hips, and when Bucky finds out you didn't wear panties for this, he lets out a deep groan. At this point, he's straining almost painfully against the confines of his pants, but since you didn't tell him he could touch himself, he hooks both arms around your thighs as he starts to eat you out like a starved man.
''Oh, fuck! Doing so well for me, Baby Boy,'' you praise him, and with that, he increases his pace even more, alternating between licking your clit and fucking your entrance with his tongue to get every last drop of your arousal.
He groans against your pussy with the praise, and you can never get enough of him eating you out like that. Your fingers are threading into his long locks before pulling him even closer, making your moans only louder.
''Use your fingers, Baby, use your fingers to make me cum-''
He doesn't have to be told twice because as soon as he hears the words 'fingers,' he is suckling on your clit, his fingers crooked inside your pussy.
Within no time, you're trembling as your legs are over his shoulders, your hand in his hair pulling him away as you're overstimulated and unable to keep yourself up at this point.
''F-fuck me, Bucky, fuck me until I can't fucking walk straight anymore,'' you tell him as he's worked you through your orgasm, and he's glad he can finally free himself from his pants.
After a few quick strokes, he's pushing himself into you, and you instantly clench down on him from the stimulation he's giving you. Once you've finally relaxed enough to let him in further, he slides in, bottoming out in one thrust.
The moan leaving your body is nearly pornographic, and it has Bucky going crazy, too. After getting adjusted to you and how tight you are around him, he leans forward and captures your lips in a soft, sweet kiss that is the complete opposite of the pace he's fucking you with.
With his metal arm, he rips your bra and shirt into pieces in a single motion, freeing your breasts from their confines and ready for him to play with. At this point, you know he's taken back all control, but you don't care; all you can think about is his cock deep inside you, hitting precisely the right spot.
''Need your fingers, please!'' you tell him, and his metal arm slides between your bodies, finding your clit without a single problem, while his flesh hand plays with your nipples, tugging and squeezing both in an alternating rhythm that only increases your pleasure.
Before you know it, you're falling over the edge of your second orgasm, and Bucky is following closely after, shooting his cum inside your pussy as he bends over and captures your lips in a passionate kiss.
Your arms are wrapped around his neck, and your legs are wrapped around his waist to keep him as close as possible. The two of you stay like that for a little while until Bucky goes soft, and he pulls out, ready to clean you up.
''So, how about that grade?'' he asks you.
''You deserve an A+ after that performance,'' you tell him, and after he's cleaned you up, you try to stand, but to no avail. Your legs give out immediately, and Bucky has done precisely what you asked.
''Here, take my shirt,'' he tells you as he pulls off his Henley before taking off the remaining pieces of your bra and blouse and throwing them in the trash for you. The soft material of the shirt feels warm against your skin, and Bucky lifts your bridal style, ready to take you to your bedroom.
You lay your head against his shoulder with your eyes closed, letting out a content sigh as you let Bucky take care of you. He makes sure all private parts are covered, and despite a few people giving him odd looks, Bucky keeps walking and giving you soft kisses on the crown of your head occasionally.
''I love you, Doll, and thank you for making my fantasy come true. Next time, I'll help you fulfill one of yours,'' he whispers to you before stepping into the elevator, and you fall asleep, getting a much-needed nap.
The elevator arrives at the floor of your bedroom quickly, and when the doors open, Bucky walks past Steve, who instantly turns bright red at the sight of his best friend holding you as you're wearing his shirt.
Steve turns around and quickly rushes into his bedroom to save himself from more embarrassment, though it is unspoken between all three of you that this will never be mentioned to anyone.
It's a good thing you left your bedroom door unlocked - your valuable stuff is always put away safely - and Bucky steps into the large room to put you on your bed without disturbing you.
When he pulls the comforter over you, he is just about to walk away to meet Steve, but you've woken up from the transfer, and you're not engulfed in his warmth anymore.
"Stay?" you ask him in a rough, sleepy voice, and he agrees. Right now, all he cares about is you, and Steve isn't capable of looking either of you in the eye after knowing what you did in that office.
For Bucky, though, this is truly a win-win situation. More time with you and the rest of the day to do whatever he pleases? It's like his dream come true.
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copperbadge · 6 months
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Hello, Mr. Badge, I seem to remember that you once posted about your processes and systems for staying organized in life with Excel spreadsheets etc. I’ve been struggling a lot with depression and executive dysfunction issues and don’t want it to impact my work.
Do you use the same processes at work? I get overwhelmed with the amount of documentation we have and the exceptions to the rules in our processes.
I'm so sorry you're struggling! It's really rough, and the more complicated the task feels, the more fraught it seems, the harder it is to even get a start. I feel that hard.
As for organizing work like my home life....well, it's sort of the same. I don't make a strong distinction between life and work simply because a lot of what needs organizing in my life IS my work, so it's tough to talk about them separately.
For example, I use Google Tasks to build a to-do list each day, but that to-do list starts with "stuff I'll do before work" then "shower" then all my work stuff, then "evening" and then all the stuff to do after work, ending with "7pm chores" (because I have a lot of stuff to do right around 7pm, which I need to post about elsewhere). Then the stuff I've pushed off to next day is below that, and that just bumps up the next morning. What's important isn't really how I keep the list, but that I keep it in a way that is constantly accessible, and I've trained myself to 1. put everything on it, even stuff like "grocery shop" and 2. check it whenever I feel lost. I don't find google calendars very helpful, however, so while work makes me use one for meetings, everything else goes on a calendar I made in Google Sheets that I'm just super used to by now.
It sounds like you're having a fairly specific issue, which may not even be related to your mental health (though assuredly the mental health issues aren't helping). If you have a lot of confusing documentation and exceptions in the stuff you do at work, that can be legit stressful even for someone who isn't dealing with other stuff, so I just want you to know that this may not only be a You Problem. My problem is usually the opposite, in that I'm often the first person doing something, or the only person who's done it in a while, so there's no documentation at all. But when I do have documentation I often will simply rewrite it.
After all, just because you have a handbook doesn't mean you have to use it. You can copy it over into another document and make yourself a step-by-step guide and/or a checklist. Like, I do our holiday cards every year, and my "HOLIDAY CARDS" document says "Here's the first thing you do, here's the second, do this before going past that, check this before asking for that". Literally at one point the document says "Stop. Before you go any further, do this step. Even if you don't understand why, do this step" because in the past I've disregarded that instruction ("Why on earth would I do it this way?") and lived to regret it.
Making the guide really, really sucks. Often it will take me four or five passes at a project before my guide is comprehensive (this is my fifth year doing the holiday card project and the document still has some steps missing at the end). But once you have it, it's invaluable, and often in the past I've found other people want my guides because they're fairly clear and precise about what needs doing when. For example, you might say, "Open the file and move column B to in front of column A. NOTE: THERE IS ONE EXCEPTION, THIS IS THE EXCEPTION." Or "Once you've saved the file, save a second copy to your backup folder so you can go back to it if you delete something you shouldn't. Stop and check: is this file from before or after October? If after, remember, you have to also rename it." If you find that there's a mistake you make frequently, figure out what would stop you from making it and add that in.
(We had a guy at work whose last name was VERY long and Italian, and so when I was working phones he got a special entry in the directory document I made -- the first line was all his directory info and the second line was just the phonetic pronunciation of his last name. He found out, which I had never intended him to do, and lost his shit laughing. "No wonder you're the only one who gets it right!")
So my recommendation to you is to create your own handbook, your own templates, and your own way of doing things and just slip that back into the system you have at work. Draw a diagram by hand if you need a flow chart. My approach to all my organizational issues has always been "What would make me do this correctly / prevent me from doing that thing wrong / remind me what to do / make it easier for me to start".
I think of this nowadays as the "Take the cupboard doors off" school of organizing, because to really make full use of my kitchen in a way that I liked, I had to take some of the cupboard doors off. It looks messier and kind of cheap, but it's actually a much more organized system now, and who's in my kitchen other than me?
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burning-omen · 7 months
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Kinktober Day 9: Detective x Criminal + Spider-Noir
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Spider-Noir x male reader
Kinktober 2023 List | Day 1 | Day 10
Summary: He’s playing mind games with you, you know he is.
Warning: reader is the Black Cat of the universe, getting tied up, lowkey cringe villian reader but it’s like the 1940’s so they get a pass cuz it’s a little camp, breaking and entering, stalking, reader being naked, no smut (during kinktober? shocking I know)
You didn't like being tied up. Well, maybe. Just not in this context. You prided yourself on having never been caught, but as you are now, your arms bound to your sides, hanging upside down from a lamp post, you could feel that pride going down the drain. Glancing over you could see a few of the guys that were helping you rob some high-end jewelry store.
You usually worked alone, but the owner of the store was friendly with the police and if anyone was going down for this one, it'd be them. That's what you had planned at least, before being captured by a familiar spider themed vigilante.
You could see his figure, shrouded in black, crouching down next to them, they were all tied together, back to back to back on the floor. You almost began to wonder why you were getting special treatment, then you remembered your claws and the chase that lead to you being in this position in the first place. He considered you a threat. Which made sense, considering what you'd done to the front of his little suit. You had just barely missed him, only able to swipe at the vest he wore beneath his coat before the chase began. Still, it cut through as though you were swiping at air, you figured that he would rather not find out what they felt like cutting through flesh.
It was a while before he came to you, crouching down so that he could meet your eyes. Despite being upside down and having his face covered by a mask.
“Cat,” he said sternly.
“Mr. Spider-Man.” you returned with a grin, “you caught me.”
“So I did, ‘ that mean you're gonna comply?”
“Not a chance.”
A careful, slow breath left the man. Coming in closer, he spoke again.
“Those guys already gave you up, Cat, you really think you can get out of this one?”
You thought for a moment, or at least pretended to before another large grin broke out on your face.
“I can get out of anything. So what if these low lives try to pin this whole thing on me, I've got a few things they don't that absolve me of any blame,” you said confidently.
He let out a low laugh, just for a second before asking,
“And what's that?”
“Well I've got a secret identity, I've got an alibi-” you paused for a moment, flexing your clawed fingers before continuing, “and, unlike those guys, I got away.”
Without sparring a moment you shredded the binds, effectively freeing yourself, twisting onto your back to keep yourself from banging your head on the concrete below. You were on the ground for less than a second before you were on your feet again and breaking into a sprint, you didn't check to see if he followed you, scaling up the side of a brick building and running along its roof before jumping to the next one, then the next, then the next until you felt tired, sliding to a stop.
~~~~~~
As you landed on the window sill of your apartment, you decided definitively that you needed a long, long bath, despite the fact that you got away, you were still trapped by the Spider-Man. That was a step closer to prison than you'd ever like to be.
Sliding the window open you were greeted by your pitch black apartment, just how you left it. Despite the dark, you navigated flawlessly, making your way to the living room, walking towards your front door, and collecting the newspaper and mail off the floor, the mail slot in your door shining a small beam of light from the hallway.
Finally flicking on the light as you flipped through your mail, heading towards the kitchen. Leaning up against the counter as you muttered to yourself.
“Bills, bills, trash, rent-” you stopped on an invitation to an art exhibit, specifically a jewelry art exhibit, ‘displaying pieces new and old’, how wonderful. What was even better was the price of the tickets, nearly 300 each, you couldn't afford to go, not legally, but you’re sure that plenty of wealthy people with deep pockets and easily accessible wallets would be there, along with the jewelry itself. With a small smile, you set the invitation down on the counter, you could look at it again later.
Before you could even register what was written on the next envelope, a voice spoke from behind you- in a moment you would never admit to, you jumped, a small yelp emitting from you, your heart pounding heavily.
Turning quickly, you were face to face with Spider-man, leaning on the other side of the counter, the invitation you just set down in his hands.
“‘We humbly invite you, Shara Jamison, to the Exhibition of Art Through Jewelry on-’”
You quickly snatched the invitation from his hand, slamming it on the counter.
“Breaking into people's houses is illegal.” you said, glaring at the man.
“You left your window open”
Setting your mail down, you could feel the familiar feeling of irritation growing.
“Caught twice in one night, Cat, I think you're losing your touch.”
Walking past him and back into the living room, you tried to think of a plan, but as Spider-Man followed you- so close behind, your mind seemingly stopped working.
“I'm not losing anything, you're just stalking me, how would you feel if I followed you home, hmm, Mr. Spider-Man?”
He didn’t respond, turning, you saw him- once again, going through your mail.
“Will you stop that?” You snatched the stack from him and threw it on the couch.
Breathing out a frustrated sigh, you said,
“What do you want?”
“Y/n L/n.”
You paused, taking in a breath you said, “what?”
“That’s your name right? It's on all your- well, most of your mail.”
Resisting the deep urge to roll your eyes into oblivion you said,
“So what if it is?”
“So..” he started, “you've got no secret identity, no alibi, and no, you didn't get away.”
You tried not to react, in over 5 years of masked theft you've never been caught, not once, you've never even been a suspect, but here you were, quite literally out a places to hide, he knew where you lived, you didn't have friends so you had no where to lay low, he knew who you were, and he's even got you cornered in your own home.
“Good job, detective, you gonna take me to jail?” despite the playful tone you'd taken up, you were nervous, the police didn't like Spider-Man, but you’re sure they'd appreciate him bringing in a criminal like you.
“No.”
You didn't mean to sigh. You really wanted to remain unfazed, but god, you couldn't. You felt like a massive weight had been lifted off your shoulders by the same person who had put it there.
“Why not?”
He chuckled, “I like this, I like you, gives me something to do.”
You laughed, “This is why the cops don't like you.”
After a short pause he said, “Stay safe out there, Cat.”
“I’ll think about it.”
He left after that, through the same window he’d come through. Leaning against the window sill you watch him swing away. Your heart pounding in your ears as he disalearedcinyo the night.
You didn't sleep much that night, his words replaying in your mind over and over again.
‘I like this, I like you..’
You rolled over, pulling the cover up over your shoulders. You weren’t some toy made for his entertainment, you were a thief and a really fucking good one. His words shouldn’t be effecting you the way they were, you were enemies. You fought, hell you nearly slashed his chest open tonight. But he ‘likes you’, sure…
This was some elaborate ploy to get you to turn yourself in, you knew it was.
He was trying to play mind games with you, but you were better at them than he was.
~~~~~~
It’s been two weeks since you’ve been out, a new personal record on your part. Not stealing for two whole weeks! You patted yourself on the back, even through you skin itches and your fingers twitched every time you saw something valuable. But you couldn’t, you were playing the long game with the Spider-Man, you weren’t going to break character now.
You took the bus home from work, getting dropped off a few blocks from your apartment, it started pouring rain about halfway through your walk, soaking your clothes. You hated the rain. You knew it was going to rain, you could smell it in the air, and you could have stolen an umbrella from the rack in the break room, but that’s not what a good upstanding citizen does, so you suffered through the rain, dragging yourself to your apartment, up several flights hold stairs before finally reaching your apartment.
The pitch black scene was comforting, dropping your suitcase on the floor, hearing it thumb loudly. Peeling back layer of soaked clothes and dropping them into a pile.
You felt a million times lighter.
Heading to you bedroom, only flicking the light on when you were inside to find a change of clothes. Bundling them in your arms then flicking the light back off. Heading back to the living room you remembered the pile of wet clothes on the floor, flipping the light switch on, the living room illuminated quickly, everything was exactly as you left it. Well, except for the imposing black figure sitting on your couch. Spider-man. He was deadly silent, seemingly frozen. You stared at him, confused, before remembering the state you were in. Naked.
You weren’t shy, not even a little bit, but you definitely weren’t expecting to be nude in front of people, especially Spider-Man, who was seemingly shocked into silence.
“Breaking and entering is a crime, Spider-Man.”
Nothing.
“Really? You break into my house and you have nothing to say to me?”
Nothing again.
You sighed, walking over to the man, dropping your clothes next to him on the couch before plopping down yourself.
“Earth to Spider-Man? Can you hear me?”
He turned to face you.
“Y/n…” he muttered.
“Yes?”
He cleared his throat, “you're, um.. I just. I was-”
You nodded along to his blabbering, a teasing smile on your face. It took him a moment to figure his words out, but he got it eventually.
“I was...checking on you. You've been missing for a while now, I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt.”
“Well,” you gestured to your naked body, “as you can see, there's not a scratch nor bruise on me.”
He shifted in his seat, staring for a long moment before looking away.
You grinned, “what's wrong, detective, never seen a man naked before?”
He took a deep breath, then said, “I'm sorry, you should get dressed.”
You hummed, “No, it's fine, I'm comfortable.”
“Cat..” he practically whined.
“Fine, fine, I'll go. You stay here, don't move.”
You were going to use the clothes you gathered after taking a shower, but Spider-Man’s delicate sensibilities called for your immediate coverage.
So you went to your room, peeking out at him through the door, only to see him sitting there, stiff as a board, dressed quickly, and sat back down on the couch next to him as though you hadn't been naked minutes before.
“You going straight, Cat?”
You hummed, “Why would you think that?”
“You got a 9-5, you haven't been out at night, and your gang says you haven't returned their calls.”
“So what, you're stalking me now?”
He didn't respond.
It was kinda cute, he's been following you around, harassing your gang, and he broke into your house again, but seeing you naked is too personal. Poor thing’s got his morals in a twist.Maybe these weren't mind games, or some elaborate scheme, maybe he really did just like you, he wouldn't be the first to obsess over you and he probably wouldn't be the last.
Sighing, you said, “You don't have to worry, I'm quitting tomorrow.”
He turned to you quickly, “Really?”
“Yes, really, besides, I know a better way of making money.”
He paused for a moment, “You're coming back?”
“I was just taking a little break, you know I can't go straight forever. As soon as this rain stops I'm back to my old ways.”
He laughed, then relaxed back against the couch.
“You really missed me that much?”
“Like you wouldn't believe.”
You laughed, scooting a bit closer to the man.
“I missed you too, turns out regular people don't get to copulate with Spider-Man on a nightly basis.”
“That does not mean what you think it does..”
“What?” you grinned, “copulate? Would you rather me say fornicate? Conjugate? Philander? Closest?-”
“Do you just have a dictionary of words that mean sex?”
You shrugged, “Maybe.”
“You are…awful.” despite the insult, you could hear the smile on his voice.
“You still like me though.”
He shifted, “I never said that.”
“Sure you did, right after you told me that you would never let those disgusting cops sully my perfect body with their cop hands.”
“I don't recall that one.”
“I do.” you smirked
It was a little odd, talking with Spider-Man in your own home, usually all of your teasings happened out on the streets. Not tonight though, as the rain poured down, you and the detective enjoyed a nice night in.
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simp999 · 6 months
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Medic x Reader - The Red Means I Love You
Wc: 2.7k
Themes: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort(reader was feeling down beforehand)
A/N: I really haven't been writing huh,, sorry about that, guys!! I've been real busy with work n' other stuff- but I promise I still love seeing your ideas! I can't promise I'll get to them, but I still enjoy seeing them :3
Taglist: @electro-omen @skeleton-stomper-xoxo @moopy-milk @pillow-14 @emotionallyunwellmedic
Masterlist
Optional Playlist!!:
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Not again.
It's always that damned static that manages to hum itself back into your ears; almost romantically. The idea sounds so beautifully comforting; lovingly pulling you away from reality, holding you in a close embrace.
It sounds so much nicer in thought than in practice.
But as much as you can't help but zone in and out, every sound around you feels so loud yet hushed at the same time. The buzzing of the lights, the crickets outside, at one point you think you may have heard someone walk past your room to go to the kitchen, but it was just one sound among many.
You sat alone in your bed, staring blankly ahead. You couldn't make out what you were staring at, nor did you care. - It was all just a blurry mess.
But you needed a distraction. You knew that if you were to be left alone it would only get worse.
And suddenly, you were standing in front of Medic's lab. You didn't remember the slow journey there. Maybe you've walked the path so many times that you went on autopilot? That doesn't matter right now.
You can hear footsteps from inside, and a soft, muffled voice. You can't quite make out the words, but with his tone, you can assume that he's talking with his birds.
You reach out for the door handle, hesitating. Did you really need to go bug him? You'll get over it, you're sure.
What exactly is it that your body needed? You shuffled through a short list of things. You ate earlier, drank water, you got an... okay amount of sleep. Well, more than usual- which is a start.
You just needed to be in someone's presence, you think.
But not just anyone, you're sure that someone like Scout would be too energetic, and Soldier would be too loud.
You always end up right back here, don't you? Maybe it's because you feel comfortable around him? You couldn't be too sure.
You lightly shake your head, your vision continuing to stay just a bit more blurry than usual. With the blurred shapes that you know spell "laboratory" in front of you, you finally crack the door open a smidge. Then some more.
Medic was standing in front of his doves, holding his bloody finger up to Archimedes. You're assuming he'd just given him a piece of meat or maybe he was petting him. In the middle of the action, Medic tilts his head your way, opening his mouth for a greeting-but deciding against it when he does a quick once-over of your tired form. Though, a gentle smile does make its way on his face.
You slowly hobble over to an empty counter, ignoring the chair stacked with a lab coat and papers, hopping up on said countertop. You stare ahead at the body on Medic's operating table. You haphazardly analysed it. It sat lifeless, it seems it'd been that way for a while now. Well, at least you knew you and him were truly alone.
You leaned back, letting your arms hold you up. Medic silently went back to his spot beside the corpse, picking up a scalpel with a soft smile. He began to hum. You'd be lying if you said you didn't find it comforting. The buzzing of the lights surely didn't leave, but they felt less overbearing. It was also late, and Medic rarely had all of the lights on at this time, only keeping the one main one he needed for seeing the corpse with.
He could tell something was up, but he didn't want to pry- though it was nagging at him. Perhaps Archimedes could tell, or maybe it was pure luck- or maybe Archimedes saw you as someone to care for too. Soon enough he was carefully flying towards you, gently landing on your shoulder and rubbing his head up against your cheek. It became tough to hold back a small smile, and you relaxed your shoulders. You gently brought up a knuckle to very carefully pet him with. Along with whispering little nothings- most of which Medic couldn't make out, only sometimes hearing his own name.
He couldn't help but admire the sight before him. It's a good thing that the corpse in front of him was indeed just that- a corpse- or else dropping the scalpel in it probably wouldn't have been too good.
"..Hey,"
He snaps back to reality, his face warming up just a bit at how you caught him dazed- one could even say with a somewhat lovestruck expression. You weren't about to point that out though, were you?
"Why'd you stop humming?"
He.. he was humming? No- well, yes he does tend to do that a lot while working to busy himself, but you noticed? His eyes widened a bit. It's not exactly a conscious thing he does- and it doesn't help that now that he's put on the spot he can't quite come up with anything to hum.
So, he carefully sets down whatever tool he was holding and quietly makes his way over to the music player. You recognized the first song as "Bust Your Kneecaps". You giggled at how fitting it seemed to suit him. The song was so calming but morbid at the same time. He carefully adjusts the volume and begins to sway his hips as he once again as he works on the corpse in front of him. The music player sounds a bit staticky, but the music was still enjoyable.
And now it was your turn to admire him.
He sure was skilled at what he did. Even with music playing and him obviously focused on the sounds surrounding him, he nonchalantly makes such precise and careful incisions. The soft smile on his face, and the way his hair was a bit messier than usual- a given after a long day of battles. You caught the way he'd absentmindedly twirl the scalpel between his fingers before deciding where to place his next incision. The blood coating his gloves glistened,- hey, that's odd, he very rarely wore his gloves while working. May he knew you'd-? No, no, you doubted it.
You noticed the way he had a small pep in his step whenever he had to walk around- it seems his boots may be newly polished, too. His voice when he hummed or softly sang any lyrics was always so comforting too. So much so that you'd absentmindedly join in on the humming at times if you knew the song.
Which is what happened. You only noticed that your soft hums could be heard as well when you caught the way his smile grew and he glanced over at you with hope in his eyes. It was always reassuring to him when you'd slowly warm back up in the subtlest of ways. Of course he knew when you weren't doing too well, and he was always glad to help you out. Honoured, even. It made his heart warm knowing that he was your go-to person to feel comfortable and safe again, even if it just meant being in the same room as him.
It means you willingly trust him. Yes of course, people trust him with their wounds in life or death situations- but they have no choice. Yet you come to him for the most mundane of things.
He must admit, he might be catching feelings.
And there wasn't any major event that caused him to realise this- no. Actually, it was something quite small that you'd done many times before.
This must've been roughly a month ago now; he was sat at his desk, his pencil going back and forth over some paperwork at ungodly hours of the morning. Everyone at the base should have been asleep, but he should have known better as mercenaries. None of you were normal- but you all still needed rest.
Which is why he was surprised when he heard soft footsteps slowly approach him. He recognized them, of course- had he not, he would have been reaching for his bonesaw.
Your presence alone relaxed him. But then he remembered how late it was, and was about the question you on why you might be up at this hour- damn hypocrite.
But before he could, there was a small plate with snacks being placed beside his paperwork, and a hand giving his closest shoulder a small, absentminded massage.
Then, you stood behind him, slowly snaked your arms around his shoulders and slowly leaned against him- almost all of your weight. You rested your chin on top of his head and you hadn't said a word.
This meant two things: one, that you had finally accepted that you simply couldn't tell him to get to bed because it would never work, to which you had adapted. Second, you were up at this ungodly time, and the first thing on your mind was taking care of him.
The thought of asking you why you were up at this hour left his mind, instead opting to let you watch whatever he was working on. Well, as much as you could with your eyes half-lidded, sometimes closing on you.
Every so often, he'd grab a piece of the snack you had brought him. One time, he brought a piece to your lips, and you lazily ate it with a hum. From that point on, he'd eat a piece, then offer you one. Then, because he was so entranced in his work, he had forgotten about the snack. Until you gently brought a piece in front of his mouth, still wanting to take care of him.
"...You don't have to do this, you know."
You gently shook your head, leaning a bit more on him and giving him a gentle squeeze, which was enough of an answer.
And yes, he did notice the way you'd begin to lose your balance due to how tired you were. He himself would lean just enough to keep you upright when he could tell you were beginning to doze off.
That was the first night you managed to get him to go to sleep early- and that was without a single word spoken by you.
That was the night he learned he may have feelings for you. He felt a growing urge to care for you; in subtle and non-subtle ways. Of course- the mercs could tell that he'd slowly become more of a pocket Medic, that much was obvious. But he'd also watch out for you in ways he knew how to. He'd make sure to give you a proper dose of anaesthesia, always be gentle when he did anything involving you, clean his lab and equipment thoroughly before even thinking about using any on you. He never thought too much of it, either.
You began living in his presence more often too, and he appreciated it so very much- he'd never brought it up, but he did care. There were a few times where you'd swing by and he'd offered you a snack; or if you were cold, he'd offer you his labcoat.
Then he realised that he became happy when you were happy.
He never thought of himself as an empath- far from it, really. But suddenly when your mood was down, he'd find himself alone in his lab, doing what he always does. It felt like he was on autopilot, and he felt dull. But when your mood was better and you were more excitable- or even simply happier overall, he'd hum more often, and he wouldn't notice the smile that seemed to constantly spread across his lips, nor the pep in his step.
Which brings us to the present moment. You two humming along to the song. It slowly drowned out, and a new song came on, You recognized it as: "The Red Means I Love you."
Medic's lips curled up a bit, and you gently kicked your feet, his seemingly happy mood becoming contagious. You were still somewhat zoned out, now accidentally staring off into space, which just so happened to be his boots this time. And suddenly, they were right in front of you, along with an open hand blocking the view- hey, when did he remove his glove? It just have been just now, as it wasn't bloody.
You looked up to him and recognized the expectant gaze he sent your way. That warm smile on his face was what convinced you to take his hand, and he carefully guided you around with small steps.
He hummed as he gently placed a hand on the small of your back, and held your hand in his as if it were made of glass.
Once you two began moving a little quicker, he began to sing. He started out in a very quiet tone as to not startle you;
"'Cause my insides are red,
And yours are too.
And the red on my face
Is matching you~"
The two of you continued to sway along to the music, slowly becoming more comfortable, but keeping the volume low. The two of you were tired but content. Then, the reoccurring line in the song came up, and the two of you sang it together in hushed voices;
"The red means I love you~"
You couldn't help the small smile that slowly played on your lips, his was contagious. He offered you a wide grin when he noticed you looking up at him, but it quickly went back to a small, calm, and reassuring one once your eyes were elsewhere. One could even say lovestruck. Paired with a gaze that was admiring every part of you, simply glad to be right there, right now, with you. He'd take lives to be able to do this at any given time- there was nothing more perfect to him than this.
You looked so perfect to him in this very moment. Even the dishevelled hair, darkened eye bags, and slumped shoulders were to be admired. Any imperfections of your skin he found absolutely stunning- they made you unique. But with his background, he's pretty sure that telling you you had fascinating skin wouldn't come off the way he'd hoped- so he'd keep that to himself.
He longed to gently card his fingers through your messy hair, run his finger from your hair to behind your ear, along your jaw and finally tilt your chin up and admire your eyes with the warmest, most loving smile he's ever worn. To pull you a bit closer with the hand that was still resting against the small of your back, with barely any force to be noticeable.
And then he'd lean down, analyse your face for whatever emotions you may be feeling and go from there.
Now, he wasn't a shy man.
So that's what he did.
And that's where the two of you now stand.
After analysing your emotions, checking for any sort of discomfort- he tilted your chin up just enough for you and him to meet halfway.
It was a small kiss- short, sweet and loving. It could even be considered a small peck. There was nothing more to be added, enough was said- even if the only words spoken aloud tonight were mostly just lyrics.
You stood a little stunned, but that was only because you weren't quite ready to fully comprehend what had just happened.
Medic on the other hand was already pulling you into a gentle hug that had the both of you calmly swaying back and forth as he played with your hair. He gave you a small kiss on the crown of your head as you finally relaxed into him, and allowed your hands to rest on his back. Barely audible, he muttered;
"I love you, liebchen."
A gentle squeeze was offered that reassured him that you felt the same way, and you could feel his smile widen before opting to rest his chin on your head, and gently rest his hand on the back of your neck, caressing the base of it with his thumb as the two of you continued to sway together.
He looked forward to more nights like this. Nothing extravagant, just you and him, comfortable in eachother's loving presence.
.
.
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Nov.10.23
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ruh--roh-raggy · 5 months
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Home Sweet Home (William Afton x Wife! Reader) - Part 5
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Hello hello! After a bit of a delay I am very happy to present you with part 5 of Home Sweet Home! This chapter we get to see William and Reader's first date, super cute, super fluffy, I've been dealing with a lot of emotions so a lot of gentle reassuring William about readers self doubts. I hope you guys enjoy, if you would like to be added to the tag list please let me know!
WARNINGS: None
You can find my Masterlist here!
Word Count: 4,913
Part 4 - Part 6
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You stretched with a soft sigh, your feet sliding against the cool, soft sheets. A smile spreads across your face at the feeling of William’s arm slung over your waist. Your eyes fluttered open, a thin slit of light through your heavy curtains the only indicator that it was morning. You roll over, your hand trailing over his stomach as you cuddle into his chest. He lets out a soft hum as he wakes up, “good morning beautiful.” His voice raspy and thick with sleep.
“Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up.” You whisper, placing a soft kiss to his chest.
“Why are you apologizing? I get woken up to the most beautiful sight in the world.” He tilts your chin up, his lips capturing yours in a slow, needy kiss. His hand kneads at your waist, you smile as his mustache tickles your nose.
“What's the plan for today?” He rolls into his back with a groan, pulling you on top of him in the process. You lay your chin on his chest, bright, sparkling eyes staring up at him. He smiles softly, tucking some loose hair behind your ear.
“Well,” he starts, “we need to go to the store, we’ll try to make it quick but we have nothing.” You both share a chuckle. “And then we come back here and work our butts off until dinner.”
“And see you be all sexy and strong lifting those heavy boxes again? Yes please.” You grin at him, yelping as he lightly pinches your butt.
“You always have your mind in the gutter, don't you?” He teases back. “I'm surprised you can still even consider me sexy.”
“Now what is that supposed to mean?” You reach up to gently caress his cheek, he lets out a soft sigh as he leans into your touch. “You're not allowed to be mean to my husband, I'll have to beat you up.” He chuckles at your serious expression.
“I'm an old man now, rabbit.” He responds wistfully, combing his fingers through your hair as he studies your face. “I'm definitely not the rugged, muscular little punk I used to be.” He chuckles and you can't help but breathe out a laugh in response. Remembering all the photos of a much skinnier more awkward reflection of your husband that Henry had shown you. ‘The pride and joy of our robotics team.’ he would always muse, struggling not to get emotional over the loving expression you had while looking at them. “I've got all these wrinkles now, my hair’s going gray-”
“William,” he snaps his mouth shut at the sound of your voice. Your age difference was something that had eaten at him since the two of you had first started dating. Always worried he was going to move too fast or make you feel tied down. He never could quite wrap his head around how a pretty young thing like you could stand being around a miserable old fart like him. “It wouldn't matter if you were 20 years younger and were built like some sort of Greek God.” You shuffle around under the blankets, allowing you to push yourself up enough to be face to face with him, the tip of your nose brushing his as you talk. “I wouldn't give up any of the time you and I have spent together for anything. Will, I love you. A few wrinkles and a change in your hair color isn't going to change any of that.”
“So, you don't mind that I don't have shredded abs?” He jokes, making you laugh in response. Despite the sudden loss of seriousness you could tell your words helped.
“Abs are overrated,” you shoo off the thought with your hand. “I happen to love your soft tummy.” You state matter-of-factly.
“Well I'm glad.” He pulls you in for a soft kiss. “You’re perfect, you know that?” He mumbles against your lips.
“You're one to talk.” You quip back. He smiles before pulling you back to him. You hum as you feel his arm tighten around your waist, wanting to feel every curve of your body pressed firmly to his. The way William’s lips moved against yours was slow and methodical, he always knew how to kiss you in a way that left you feeling utterly breathless and dizzy by the end of it. You rest your forehead against his when you separate. Both of you shared soft, tired smiles as you enjoyed being in each other's company. He reaches over to his nightstand with a groan, wiping his hand down his face before putting on his glasses.
“What do you say sweetheart? Ready to start the day?” You nod, both of you reluctantly leaving the warmth of your bed and each other's arms as you got ready to tackle whatever obstacles you would face.
You stood at William’s side, trying to manage your wild bed head as he brushed his teeth. “What do you want for dinner?” He asks with a mouthful of toothpaste.
“I don't know, something easy.” You wince slightly as your brush gets caught on a particularly nasty snarl. “We could always get something frozen to throw in the oven I guess.”
“Absolutely not, I won't let my wife eat that filth if I can help it.” He places a kiss on your head as he heads out of the bathroom. You chuckle, shaking your head in response. “Think about it, I'm gonna go start the car.” He disappears around the door with a wink. You groaned at his request, you hated making food decisions. You threw on some clothes, deeming your appearance good enough for the grocery store, before heading downstairs. William stood at your kitchen counter, holding an old recipe book that looked almost comically small in his massive hands.
“Whatcha got there?” He wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side.
“I saw this in your box of memories yesterday.” He smiles down at you, lowering the book in order to make it easier for you to read it. You looked at the worn, yellowing pages with a special fondness. This was the one cookbook William owned, a collection of recipes put together by a group of little old ladies around Hurricane. One of them managed to pass it off to him at their grandson’s birthday years ago, saying how a hard working man like him deserved some good home cooked meals every now and then. You ran your fingers over your husband’s handwriting in the margins next to one recipe ‘add garlic’. On the next page there was a recipe for chocolate cake, next to it in your own neat script it read ‘Will’s favorite' punctuated with a heart.
“Is this the one that has-”
“The recipe from our first date.” You finish in unison.
“Yes it is.” He chuckles. You remembered it like it was yesterday. The whole morning went horribly before you were supposed to spend the day with Will, you were about ready to call him to reschedule. “I think we both could use some comfort food tonight, what do you think?”
“I think that sounds wonderful.” You jump slightly as he snaps the cookbook shut in front of your face, you push him playfully before the two of you head out.
Will’s hand was warm as he held your own, his thumb languidly rubbing over your knuckles as he drove. Your eyes trailed over the treeline as it whipped past your window, smiling softly to yourself as you reminisced about how something as small and silly as beef stew could hold such a powerful memory.
You tried your best to quiet your sniffling as you listened to the phone ring, your heart jumping into your throat when you heard the click of the receiver being picked up. “Hello?” You felt yourself begin to well up all over again at the sound of his voice.
“Hey William, it’s-uh, it’s me.” You hoped he would be able to recognize your voice despite it cracking. “I think I'm going to need to reschedule-”
“Honey what's wrong?” The genuine concern in his voice opened the floodgates. A sob cracked free from your throat as you tried to explain the situation. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”
“No.” You manage to croak out.
“Can I come see you?” You froze for a moment. He wasn't mad about you canceling at the last minute, he just wanted to make sure you were okay.
“Yeah, that's fine.” You stutter.
“I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, okay?” You nod before remembering he couldn't see you. You rolled your eyes over how ridiculous you were being.
“Okay, I'll be here.” You sniffle before hanging up. You jumped as your buzzer rang, picking yourself up to the couch and slowly shuffling over to unlock the door. You undid the chain latch, meeting William in the hallway.
“Rabbit,” he starts softly. Seeing your cheeks still red and streaked with tears from another wave of crying that had hit you when he was on his way over. “Come here beautiful.” You hurried forward, melting into his embrace as he wrapped his strong arms around you. His fingers gently slide into your hair, cradling your head against his chest. You felt stupid for crying, you were supposed to be going out on this big, fancy date William had set up and now you've ruined it.
“I'm sorry.” You manage to get out after you have calmed yourself down somewhat. “You went through all the trouble of getting us that reservation-” he cuts you off, quietly shushing you as he continues to hold you, slightly rocking side to side.
“It’s okay bunny. It's not like we’re going to get banned from the restaurant for canceling our table.” He chuckles, managing to elicit a soft laugh from you as well. “But, I would like to know what's making my girl so upset.” He nods in the direction of your apartment. “Would it be alright if I came in for a minute?” You nod, his hand instantly taking yours as you separated from his embrace.
“I'm sorry about the mess, this morning definitely didn't go as planned.” He looked around the cramped space. The flowers William had sent you lay on the kitchen counter, the stems still glistening with water. A half cleaned up pile of broken glass lay on the floor next to the counter. He noticed a white dress that appeared to be covered in some type of tomato sauce laying in a heap on the dining room table. You started to explain before he even had a chance to question it. “My roommate got into a big fight with her boyfriend this morning.” William sat next to you where you had positioned yourself on the couch, elbows resting on his knees and his hands folded neatly in front of him as he listened attentively to what you had to say. “I was woken up by them yelling at each other, I heard some glass smash so I came out here to try and diffuse the situation. It turns out he had smashed the vace I had put your flowers in onto the floor.” You let out a weak chuckle as you felt a tear slip down your cheek. William reaches over, intertwining his fingers with yours in an attempt to offer some form of comfort without risking overwhelming you further. “And my-uh, my dress…” you looked over at the table, your throat growing tight at the sight. “He also ruined my dress in the process of us throwing him out. So now I have nothing to wear, and the flowers you got me are starting to wilt, and I ruined our date-”
“Woah, sweetheart, slow down. You didn't ruin anything.” He moves closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you into his chest. “There’s going to be plenty of other fancy dinners. Baby, I'm not upset over you not wanting to go out after the morning you've had.” He places a kiss on the top of your head, his thumb soothingly rubbing your shoulder. “Would you like to come spend the day at my place?” He asks in an almost timid manner. You look up at him, eyes still wet with tears. It made his chest tighten, you looked so small against his much larger form.
“I'd like that.” You smile.
“You go get ready, I'll clean up in here.” He offers with a small nod.
“Oh, I can't ask you to do that.” Your breath catches in your throat as he gently tilts your chin up with his fingers.
“Don't worry about it bunny.” He tucks some hair behind your ear. He nods for you to go get ready. You scurry off to your room, William cleaning up the glass on the floor. He searched through your cupboards, finding a suitable enough vessel to hold the flowers you seemed to love. He smiles at how adorable you were, getting upset over something so simple, it was sweet. His attention turned to the dress on the table, making an irritated sound as he picked it up. It wasn't a guarantee he would be able to get the sauce out, but hand washing it in the sink couldn't hurt. He thought about how pretty you would've looked all dressed up. Though somehow he thinks your new plan would end up being more fun.
You hurriedly looked through your closet for something to wear, not wanting to appear like you were trying too hard to impress him. You decided on a cute pair of jeans and your favorite T-shirt. You passed back out into the kitchen, smiling as you saw the large man hunched over your sink, trying to get the stain out of your dress. “Will?” He paused, a smile creeping across his features. This was the first time you had called him Will.
“I got it mostly out, we can throw it in the wash at my place if you want.” You nod, smiling at him adoringly.
“I wouldn't want to trouble you.” You start.
“It's no problem.” He rushes to reassure you. He slowly steps closer to you, almost as if he was worried he was going to scare you off. “You, uh, look like you’re going to cry again.”
“You’re just really nice, that’s all.” You crack out a laugh, William chuckling alongside you.
“Well, I’d like to be able to take care of my girl when she needs me.” He winks, making your cheeks flush. He holds out his arm for you to take, you smile softly as he pulls you into his side.
William opened the door, letting you step inside before him. You neatly tucked your shoes beside the door before padding across the soft gray carpet. Looking around you would definitely define William as a minimalist. You didn’t see any pictures or trinkets, everything was very neat and orderly. “Make yourself comfortable, I’m going to go start something for dinner.” You ended up trailing after him into the kitchen, wanting to spend as much time with him as you could. He unzips his hoodie, tossing it at you with a flirtatious smile. “You look cold.” You slip your arms into the too long sleeves, blushing slightly as you wrap yourself up in the warm fabric. William’s sweatshirt smelled like machine oil, cheap cigarettes, and musky, warm cologne. He pulled out a large wooden cutting board from one of the drawers, brandishing a pristinely sharp knife not long after. He hums softly to himself as he wanders around his kitchen, pulling ingredients from cupboards and setting them all out in a row on the counter top. He pulls out a large stew pot from a small closet, setting it on the stove as he sets in motion preparing the meal he had decided on.
“Do you want any help?” You offer with a smile.
“You just sit back and relax, bunny. Throwing this together shouldn’t take me too long.” The two of you chatted idly as he cooked. You had always enjoyed William’s dry humor, but this was the first time you had seen his full genuine personality outside of Freddy’s.
“You’re a gossip!” You exclaim your accusation through a fit of laughter. He gives you an offended look, his hand clapping against his chest.
“Me? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You couldn’t miss the smirk that passed across his lips as he turned his attention back to the cutting board. “You’re acting like I don’t know about your and Ashley’s little gossip sessions at the prize counter.” He rebuttals in a teasing tone. He straightens up, striding over to you. He puts a hand on either side of your thighs, caging you on the counter, “I bet you talk about me, don’t you?” He gives you a wink and a lopsided smile. Your cheeks immediately heated up as you thought about how much his name actually came up between the two of you. He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your forehead before moving away. He glances up at you as he slides a cutting board of carrots into the large pot at his side. “I’m glad you’re finally starting to relax.” He remarks happily.
“You promise you’re not mad about having to cancel the reservation?” You ask nervously, balling up the sleeves of his sweatshirt in your hands.
“I’m happy just spending time with you.” A small smile creeps across your lips at the sincerity in his voice. “You had a bad morning, I wouldn’t want to go out either.” He reaches out for your hand, you accept his request with a flustered grin. “Plan’s can change, okay? I won’t be upset.” He tries his best to reassure you.
It was a rainy day outside, the stew was left to cook on the stove. Will held your hand loosely in his, giving it a gentle squeeze whenever he reached a point of interest when he was talking about one of his newest projects. He leads you into his workshop, keeping you close to him as he guides you around various piles of mechanical parts. His hands find their way to your waist, easily lifting you from the floor to set you on a clear space of workbench. He bumps a button with his elbow, the garage opening to let in some of the warm, damp air from outside. “Mr. Emily was right about you being a workaholic.” You tease.
“It’s not my fault there's always work to be done.” He bites the tip of his tongue as he concentrates on what he had pulled in front of him, you noticed the glint of something silver catching on his front teeth.
“Will… is that a piercing?” You ask with genuine curiosity. His eyes widened slightly for a second before he cursed under his breath.
“I forgot I had that in.” He admits bashfully. “I got it in college, I just got so used to wearing it I never let it close.” You hop down from your position perched on the workbench, placing yourself directly in front of him.
“Show me.” You nod up at him. He raises an eyebrow and smirks slightly at your demanding town. He stoops lower, bringing himself face to face with you.
“I don’t know,” he purrs, “you didn’t ask very nicely.” You swallow thickly at his gravelly tone.
“Show me, please?” You try again. He chuckles at your flustered appearance before sticking out his long tongue, showing off the silver barbell. “Wow.” You found yourself nearly drooling at the sight of it, something about the small piercing made your heart race in your chest. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that William was a very attractive man, with his sharp features and broad, strong body he's drawn the attention of many wandering eyes. But, this new found detail about him only seemed to highlight the tough yet playful attitude you had grown enamored by.
“Maybe if you're good I'll show you how talented I am at putting it to good use.” He winks with a smirk. “Come on, this stuff can wait.” He places a kiss to the top of your head, wrapping an arm around your waist as you're escorted back inside of the house. It hadn't occurred to you just how much of Will’s day you had disrupted up until now. He was supposed to come pick you up at six o'clock sharp, glancing at a clock that ticked quietly on the wall you had realized it wasn’t even eleven.
“Will, I don't want to get in your way if you're busy.” You speak up, both of you pausing in unison.
“Bunny, let me tell you something.” He fully turns to face you, his hands resting comfortably on your waist. His dark silver eyes held a particular softness as they scanned over your features, his hands sliding around your back to pull you closer to him. He speaks in a low tone, giving the conversation a new found sense of intimacy. “I'm in no rush to get that work done, and if I'm being entirely honest if you left right now I wouldn't be able to get the image of how cute you look in my sweatshirt out of my head all day.” He breathes out a laugh. “I know you're worried about being a disruption but honey I promise you you're not. I want to spend time with you, I want to be there to make you feel better. If that means pushing off a couple projects to cook a homemade meal and to spend the day with you… we'll, I don't know about you but that sounds pretty alright to me.” He smiles softly at you, giving you time to allow his words to sink in.
You couldn't get over just how different he was than anyone you had been with in the past. There was no yelling because of the wasted effort, no being left alone to wallow in how awful you felt about messing everything up. Right now there was only you and William; how warm his large hands felt as he soothingly rubs his thumbs over your waist, how the smell of dinner cooking in the kitchen drifted through the hall, how he looked at you with so much kindness and understanding, and that was plenty. You pushed into him, burying your face against his chest as you welled up with emotion. William held you tightly against him, determined to brush away any negative thoughts that tried to creep their way in from the back of your mind. He had a pretty good idea of the guys you had experienced before him, the shithead he had met before he confessed to you said enough. You were used to being pushed around and treated like you were never enough, leaving you to feel like you were always taking up too much space and anything that went wrong immediately fell into your lap. William hoped that, given enough time, he would be able to help you remedy that way of thinking. “How about we throw on a movie? It's Saturday, there's bound to be something on.” He offers in a patient tone.
“I'd like that.” You sniffle in response. You slip your hand into his, allowing him to guide you to the living room. He pulled you into his side as he clicks on the TV, absentmindedly flicking through the station past re-runs of whatever shitty sitcom happened to be on and action movies that would definitely ruin the quiet intimacy the two of you had fallen into. He paused on a romantic comedy, looking down to gauge your reaction. You adjusted yourself in order to be more comfortable, your arm resting across Will’s stomach as your head fell against his shoulder. He was praying you wouldn't ask him anything about the movie he had thrown on, he wouldn't have been able to focus on it right now if he tried. Your small form was so warm against his side, the sweet scent of your shampoo was nearly intoxicating as he waited for you to get comfortable. He pulls the blanket off of the back of the couch, laying it over both of your laps.
“Will?” You call for him softly.
“Yes, rabbit?” His eyes drift down to you and the sight alone was enough to nearly break him. You looked so incredibly tiny curled up against him, your big doe eyes holding so much adoration as you gazed up at him. William froze, feeling as if he even breathed in this moment it would be over.
“Thank you for taking care of me today.” His heart nearly jumped out of his chest at the sight of your sweet smile. You slowly and carefully pushed yourself upwards, your lips pressing against his scruffy cheek.
“Of course, bunny.” He smiles, eyes dropping to your lips for a brief moment before he shook the thought from his mind. Today was about making sure you were alright, kissing you should be the furthest thing from his mind right now. Unfortunately for him, it was all he was able to think about since the two of you had started seeing each other. He hadn't kissed you since the night of his confession, worried that he would take things too quickly without realizing it. He jumped slightly as the timer on the stove started to beep. “I'll be right back.” He places a kiss to your forehead before getting up. Once he enters the kitchen, out of your line of sight, he drags a hand down his face with a soft groan. “Get a hold of yourself.” He chastises himself quietly.
You remained curled up on the sofa, smiling to yourself as you ran your fingers over the soft material of the blanket William had draped over your legs. You glanced back at the kitchen before turning back to the TV with a soft sigh. There was something about being with William that was so undeniably effortless; the way he pulled you into his arms, your body molding to his like you were always made to be pressed against one another, the softness in his voice that was reserved just for you, how the smell of his cologne calmed your ever racing mind. Your fingers drifted to your bottom lip, breathing out a laugh as you thought about your first kiss. It felt like a lifetime since then, your mind often wandering to the memory, leaving your heart racing and your cheeks flushed. You knew William wanted to take things slow, he was very concerned about you feeling pressured to do things you weren't comfortable with just because he was older. Even though you constantly reassured him that wasn't the case he still seemed to treat you as if you were made of glass. You heard the soft clinking of him grabbing soup mugs from a cabinet, your feet thudding softly against the hardwood floor as you stood from the couch. You sucked in a deep breath as you nervously made your way towards the kitchen, thumb running over the worn fabric of your boyfriend’s sweatshirt. William stood at the stove, humming softly to himself as he added the finishing touches on the dinner he prepared. You swallowed thickly as you watched his muscles shift underneath his fitted black T-shirt. “Will?” You continued to walk forward as you called his name, knowing if you stopped now you would lose your nerve. He turns to face you, his silver eyes catching yours. His arms opened to greet you the moment he realized how close you already were, your hands slid over his shoulders as his landed on your waist. You pushed yourself up on your toes, guiding his lips down to meet yours. He lets out a surprised yet pleased sound, melting into you as he kisses you back. You both pulled back, breathless and wide eyed. He swore every time he looked at you he found something new to fall in love with. The blush that dominated your cheeks from doing something so bold, how small you looked wrapped up in his sweatshirt, he hoped he would be able to keep the memory of you looking like this forever.
“Will?” He’s jolted back to the present by you nudging his shoulder. “Everything alright, baby? You spaced out.” He looked down at you now by his side. Your soft smile and twinkling eyes are still as captivating as they always have been.
“Yeah bunny, I'm alright. Just thinking about our first date.” He smiles. The two of you stood in your kitchen preparing the ingredients for the stew, the sound of you singing along to the radio a learned comfort to William’s ears. He still couldn't wrap his head around why you chose him of all people, his gruff and dry demeanor was a sharp contrast to your bubbly personality. Yet, despite how difficult he knew he could be sometimes, your love for one another never waivered. It took him a long time to be able to provide for you the way he felt you deserved, lots of late nights at the pizzeria and sacrifice were needed to get to where the two of you are now. But, through every rough patch, every struggle that would have seemed insurmountable on his own, it only solidified one thing.
You loved each other.
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Tag List: @yellowbunnydreams @zoey5252 @redflowery @loudchaosking @weirdoartist21 @residentevilbeast @lokanda (if you would like to be added to the tag list please let me know!)
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As It Was
A/N: Hello! I know I've been MIA for a long time. Life has been crazy and going back to college while having a full time job has taken a lot of my time. But I'm hoping to get back to writing on this blog. I've missed it and I have missed everyone so much. I make no promises but I'm going to try.
Summary: Arthur and Y/n have always been super close; but when the boys get back from the war, things have change.
Characters: Arthur Shelby, Tommy Shelby, Sister!Reader
Warnings: language, mentions Arthur's attempt at suicide
Word Count: 2,698
*gif is not mine*
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The rumor about the men who came back from the war are not the same men that left; It’s true. No one came back the same after the war. Not a single soul.
But it wasn’t just the soldiers who changed. Those who were stuck at home, waiting for their loved ones to return. They changed too.
Y/n couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she changed. She just remembers one day realizing she’s not the little girl who loved to draw rainbows, horses, and flowers anymore. Or the little girl who taught Finn how to aim at a moving rat, even though their Aunt Polly despised them touching guns. Not even the little girl who would take walks with her favorite brother, Arthur.
Y/n would never say she has a favorite brother aloud, but she knows her family sees how close the oldest brother and youngest sister are. There may be eighteen years difference between them, but they would sometimes act like twins.
Y/n enjoys John’s company and loves his jokes. Finn, she will always protect and care for. Ada, well they clash on fashion and boys, but they would kill for one another. And Tommy, well, the two siblings have never been able to get along. Tommy had big dreams that didn’t include his baby sister. Greta wanted to change the world and wanted Tommy to help her. Y/n wanted Tommy to help take care of the family instead of spending all his time at the docks waiting for the young woman to show up.
Even at a young age, Y/n knew it would always be Tommy who would provide for the family; be their leader. She loves Arthur, but he’s more of a follower than a leader. Tommy has always had ideas and Y/n knew those ideas would help them rise in Small Heath.
So with the boys off fighting in the war, Y/n made sure to follow her brother’s orders on how to run the shop.
Polly was the only one Y/n would let stray from Tommy’s list.
“You’re ten years old, Y/n. You are not the boss and know nothing about bets.” Her aunt admonishes.
“I know enough, Polly. I have Tommy’s list and Arthur’s notes.”
“So now you’re an expert at running betting shops?”
“I wasn’t saying that.” The ten year mumbles.
“Then you’ll do your best to remember who is in charge of the business.”
Y/n knows when to stop when it comes to her aunt. “Yes, ma’am.”
Y/n will admit, she learnt a lot from her aunt; not just business, but women’s business.
But now that the war is over, Y/n’s noticed how more involved Tommy is; how he keeps adding to the business.
Arthur is less present when it comes to his baby sister. They don’t go on walks anymore.
The fourteen year old moved into Arthur’s home when they came back. She wanted away from her very controlling brother and closer to the brother she knows best.
Except now, it seems that she understands Tommy more than she does Arthur.
The war may have changed all of her brothers, but something broke in Arthur. His nightmares keep her up at night and the one time she tried to wake him up, he almost choked her to death.
After that, she would either lay in her bed, listening to his screams or she would get John if the screams lasted longer than ten minutes.
“You shouldn’t be at Arthur’s alone.” Tommy tells his sister as he lit a cigarette.
“I’m not alone. Arthur is there.”
“You know what I mean, Y/n. Arthur is struggling and you being around isn’t helping.”
Y/n scoffs. “Actually, I think I help Arthur more than you can ever imagine trying to help him. You just hate that I’m not under your roof and you can’t boss me around.”
Tommy points his lit cigarette at her, his eyebrows raised in warning. “You will do as you're told or I will turn you over my knee.”
Y/n once again scoffs. Tommy has never disciplined her, he wasn’t ever around to take her in hand. That dirty task was left to their aunt. “Not only am I fourteen years old, but you have never raised a hand to me. Why start now?”
“Don’t push me, Y/n.”
Yeah, he’s bluffing, Y/n thinks. She stands to her feet. “Yes sir, Sergeant Major. If that’s all, Sergeant, I would like to finish my studies. Wouldn’t want to show up to school without my work now would we?”
Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to keep arguing with his sister. He, instead, waves his hand in a dismissive gesture without even glancing up.
The day Y/n dreaded came. Arthur had tried to commit suicide by hanging himself after he fell for their father’s con. She had found him at their home, raging and destroying the room. She skillfully dodged his swings and shouted at him.
“Arthur! It’s me! It’s Y/n!” She ducks when he throws an ashtray at her head. “It’s Y/n, brother!”
“Y/n?”
The broken voice has Y/n on the verge of tears. “Yes.” She nods her head. “It’s Y/n. I’m here.” She makes her way to her brother as his knees buckle and he lands on the floor. She holds him close, his chin digging into her shoulder as he sobs.
Y/n doesn’t know how long they stay in this position but she loses feeling in her left shoulder and feet.
When Arthur finally is able to compose himself, he stands to his feet, rubbing a shaking hand through his hair.
“Arthur, what happened to your neck?”
The older man covers the deep bruise around his neck. “Nothing.”
Y/n starts to shake her head, the pieces falling together. “No, no. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t leave me here.” She stops talking but her head is still moving side to side; not wanting to accept that her brother, her hero, tried to kill himself.
“Y/n, I’m sorry, I-”
“No!” She sharply cuts him off. “Don’t apologize. I just need a moment to process.” She sits in a chair that he hadn’t flipped yet. “I need to figure out what to do. I need- no you need some of Polly’s ointment, and a drink… yeah, yeah.” She stands to her feet, ignoring the concerned look coming from her brother. “Sit down, Arthur. I’ll pour you some whiskey and get some ointment to help with the bruising.
“Y/n, I don’t- fuck.” Arthur curses when she completely ignores him and heads for the kitchen.
Only a few minutes pass until Y/n comes back. She hands the glass of whiskey to him and starts applying the ointment.
Y/n stayed with her brother until he decided to go to bed. She heads up to her room. In the morning, she’ll tell Polly. Fuck knows what Tommy will say if he hears about this. She never knows if he will help Arthur or make it worse.
In the morning. Y/n told her aunt and she should have known her aunt would tell their fearless leader. So she wasn’t surprised to see him walk in as she hands Arthur a cup of tea.
The look Tommy sends her is clear.
She smiles softly at her eldest brother. “I will be up in my room if you need me.” She tells him, her invitation not extending to the other brother.
She heads upstairs but does not go into her room. She sits on the top step, listening as Tommy belittles their brother. She rolls her eyes. She should’ve known Tommy would never express real feelings.
“Just use a fucking gun, man.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Y/n shouts as she storms down the stairs. “That’s all you have? Next time, use a gun?”
“Leave it be, Y/n.”
Y/n glares at Arthur. “No, Arthur, I can’t just leave it be.” She turns her glare back at the brother she is upset with. “I know it’s hard for you to express feelings now, but I would rather you not say anything at all than talk to our brother that way. He deserves better.”
“Y/n, that’s enough.”
“Fuck off, Thomas!” She shouts as she steps in his space. “You only care about having Arthur around so he can beat and kill people who piss you off. That’s all that matters to the all powerful Tommy Shelby.”
The slap echoes throughout the whole house, each sibling frozen in their place.
Y/n holds a hand over her now stinging cheek, staring at the man who has never raised a hand to her. Her and Tommy may not get along but she never thought he would physically harm her. Never.
She turns to Arthur, wondering how he will react. To her surprise he’s staring at her in disappointment.
“You shouldn’t have spoken to Tommy like that, Y/n. You were out of line.”
“I was out of line?” She snaps. “What am I supposed to do, Arthur, eh? Am I supposed to stand at attention and wait for the sergeant to bark orders? Huh?”
“Enough.” He doesn’t shout, but his voice still booms, causing his baby sister to flinch, preparing for another blow.
The guilt had already come, but seeing her flinch made Tommy feel sick to his stomach. “Y/n, I-” He reaches out to comfort her but stops when she steps back.
“Don’t you fucking touch me. I hate you.” She looks at Arthur. “I hate you both.”
“Let her go, Arthur.” Tommy orders when the eldest Shelby stands to follow Y/n who ran out of the house.
***
For a month, Y/n stays with John and his kids; but as much as she loves her nieces and nephews, she refuses to stay there another night.
Lizzie Stark, who’s been helping her brother with the kids, tells her to go back home, to work it out with Arthur.
“And Tommy?” The fourteen year old asks the older woman.
Lizzie smirks. “Tell him to fuck off.”
Y/n smiles at that. She hopes her brother doesn’t wait too long to give Lizzie the ring he’s been hiding.
Knowing exactly where her brother will be, Y/n heads to the Garrison. Taking a deep breath, she knocks on the locked door.
“We’re closed.” Is the muffled response from the barmaid.
“It’s Y/n Shelby.” She knows that’s all she has to say for the doors to open. Grace has been kind to her since she’s started working at the pub, and Y/n appreciates that, but she doesn’t trust the barmaid. She’s not sure why, but she has a hard time believing this Irish woman just decided to move to Birmingham without a real reason.
When the door opens, she smiles politely at Grace before squeezing past her. She heads straight to the back room, knowing her eldest brother will be attempting to balance the books.
She comes to halt mere centimeters from the entrance, her heart racing. What if he really is on Tommy’s side? What if he thinks she really did deserve to be slapped? What if she’s completely lost the only person to ever love her for her?
“Gracie, is that you? You ready to help me with these numbers yet?”
Y/n laughs quietly through the breath she was holding. Who is she kidding? Arthur is one of the kindest, loving people she knows. How could he hate her… right?
“It’s me, Arthur.” She barely gets that short sentence out above a whisper.
“Y/n?”
She steps fully into the room, her arms behind her back. “Hi.”
Arthur just stares at his baby sister, the anger, the pain of not seeing her for days, and the guilt… the guilt that has literally eaten him alive, rises to the surface. His loyalty to his brother clouded his love for his sister and he will hate himself for the rest of his life.
Being a Shelby makes it hard for them to express their emotions through words. No matter the emotion, the words usually fail to spit out, but actions, they’ve never been a problem for a Shelby.
So instead of saying the words, “I’m sorry” Arthur jumps to his feet and pulls the young girl into his arms, holding as tight as he can.
And since Y/n is not only a Shelby but also able to read her brother like a book, Y/n returns the hug and her anger disappears.
“You’re coming back home, ain’t ya?”
Y/n smiles, glad she was right. “My bag is already back in my room.”
Arthur squeezes her one more time, dropping a wet kiss on top of her head before releasing her. “Good.”
Y/n goes to ask him about how he’s been but a familiar voice stops her.
“Arthur, Tommy told me to get you. Family meeting in ten.” Finn turns to his sister, hope in his eyes. “Are you back?”
Y/n had kept in touch with Finn, having him fill her in on everything that was happening while she was gone. Finn didn’t know much, but she was able to fill in the gaps on most of what he told her.
“Yes, I’m back.”
Finn smiles. “Good. Arthur’s been too emotional and Tommy’s about to shoot him if he hears him complain one more time about you not being at the family meetings.”
Y/n laughs at Finn’s blunt statement; laughing harder when Arthur spouts profanities as he takes off after the youngest Shelby. She follows the duo, figuring it’s time for her to show her faceto the rest of the family.
Her smile stays in place as they make their way to Watery Lane, listening to her brother banter back and forth about what to tell and what to keep to yourself. So far, Finn’s winning the argument.
She can feel her smile start to get smaller the closer they get to her old home; and the smile completely disappears when Arthur opens the door for her. She comes to a halt at the threshold of the betting shop, her eyes immediately on the Peaky Blinders leader.
She’s thankful he hasn’t noticed her yet, but that little comfort quickly disappears when her aunt tells him to shut up as she makes her way to her niece.
Y/n easily accepts the hug from her aunt, the woman who practically raised her, but winces when she gets a clip to her ear.
“A month is too damn long, girl.”
“I’m sorry.” She whispers as Polly releases her; a small smile appears when her aunt gently caresses her cheek.
Knowing she needs to face the elephant in the room, or more commonly known as Thomas Shelby, Y/n peels her eyes off her aunt and stares straight into her brother’s eyes, hoping he can’t see the fear in them.
Compared to the other family members, Tommy is a mute when it comes to emotions. The only time words and emotions are mixed together is when he’s angry. He doesn’t say “I love you”, “I need you”, or anything that is remotely tied to emotions.
That said, the man is a master at showing his emotions through actions. One look can tell you so much about the gang leader. You just have to know how to read them; and Y/n is a master at this skill. She’s almost as good as their aunt.
So when she sees the barely noticeable nod of approval, and watches as Tommy pulls out a chair; she knows she has been welcomed back by their fearless leader.
And after she sits, he gently kisses her cheek, the same cheek he hurt a month ago, and she knows he’s asking for forgiveness.
She grasps his hand before he can pull away, giving it one good squeeze, so he knows he’s been forgiven.
They will never have a relationship like her and Arthur, or like him and Ada; but they can coexist together in their family; and that’s enough for them both.
Peaky Blinders: @psychkunox @theshelbyclan @lilymurphy03 @findinghisredrighthand
Forevers: @desiredposion @theseakrakence @simonsbluee
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fandomsandfeminism · 2 years
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So, this is going to be a little meandering and all over the place. But I'm trying to express this...web of thoughts I've been having lately around this issue of queer, and labels, and the way we talk about our history and the way the community conceptualized itself in this very digital age. And it's still kind of half formed, so...let's see.
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So. OK.
One thing I see a lot online, especially with people who are just now coming out, is a sort of...overfixation on increasingly niche labels. Im not saying that having a very specific or newer label is bad, to be clear. Labels are rhetorical tools, use what is useful. They help with visibility and discussing specific issues. No issues there.
But watching people quibble over bi vs pan vs omni vs abro or non-binary vs genderqueer vs demigender vs genderfluid vs agender vs xenogender vs bigender vs gnc. Asexual or gray ace or demisexual or queerplatonic. And whether they are a biromantic lesbian demigirl or bisexual greyaromantic genderuid. And it's always just a little exhausting, ya know? Again, if those labels are meaningful and useful, that's great, but I see people *agonizing* over which they "really" are. Like if they pick the wrong word to describe themselves, they are coming out the wrong way, like they are wrong about themselves if they can't find the exact correct word on an FAQ list of lgbt vocabulary.
And how I think that relates to the way people talk about our CURRENT labels as though these labels have always been there and like the people described by these labels now have no common experiences with other labels. Like lesbians and bisexual women have absolutely nothing in common. Like butches and trans men have no shared history. As though trans women and drag queens have always been completely separate and unconnected groups. As though ace folks and nonbinary folks are somehow new to the scene, and not community members who were always here and just didn't have a separate label until more recently.
I *remember* watching the community make the switch from transvestite and transsexual, to differentiating between transsexuals and transgender, to basically just using transgender/trans. Those labels are not stagnant. None of our labels are some ingrained biological unchanging objective truth. Labels are rhetorical shortcuts to summarize this facet of our identity and lives and experiences- but they are just words.
And maybe this connects to the way people get really...weird about historical figures too. Like whether Sappho was a lesbian or bisexual, as though either of those words would have had any meaning to her. About whether Shakespeare was gay or bi, like he would have conceptualized his own identity that way. About what modern label Dr. James Barry would have used for himself if anyone could travel back in time and ask him.
And then I think about why queer feels so much more affirming, so much more a place of strength, than LGBT+. Not that LGBT as a label is bad, and I honestly probably prefer it for allies and outsiders to use. But as a community label- Queer, to me, says that all our experiences are queer experiences. Queer can be many things, but they are all queer. Regardless of how many genders or which specific genders you like, whether you have a romantic and or sexual attraction to whatever collection of genders, whatever thing your gender is doing today- all of it, ALL of it, once you step outside that cis, straight mainstream sexuality and gender norm- is queer. Equally queer.
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Lgbt+ feels like we are still keeping all those labels separate, little boxes all lined up next to each other- different but a coalition. And while that isn't bad, I also think it isn't totally true.
[A caveat here, that there are times when more specific labels are very helpful. We don't want any specific kind of queer experience to be overshadowed or erased, and having more specific labels facilitates those discussions. Again, I'm not saying that we should eliminate or erase our more specific labels.]
But I think imagining our community as a collection of wholly separate groups that are just allied together, instead of one group that we are all equally in, can make it far too easy for exclusionists to sneak up and say "well ___ isn't REALLY lgbt. THEY aren't REALLY one of us. ___ dont belong."
If we take all the labels off all the crayons- red and pink and purple and blue and teal and green are not hard and fast divisions. They are artificial distinctions we have made- all of them are light, all of them the rainbow.
Anyway. I just think that, while everyone should use whatever labels bring them joy and are useful for them, we might be better off if more folks were ok with ALSO accepting the vast ambiguity of being queer.
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