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#i've talked about this at some point but it took me like a full month to come up with my tumblr url
iamfuckingsorry · 4 months
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what are you sorry for
I was very sorry for just about everything back when I made this blog in like 2013
#i've talked about this at some point but it took me like a full month to come up with my tumblr url#and then one afternoon i was sitting in french class and i wasn't having a very good day#and i was trying my best to look like i was normal and doing just fine (though i did probably cry a little bit lets be honest)#but the only thing going through my mind was.#“im so sorry for what a failure i am. so sorry for everyone who has to meet me and deal with me.”#“sorry for my parents who got such a shitty worthless kid. im so sorry so sorry so sorry for being alive”#just like on repeat. for the entire class. i was just sitting there blinking aggressively not being able to think of anything else#and i was like. yeah. that's the essence of who i am as a person. i am sorry. i am a sorry excuse for a human and i fuck everything up#it'll be a good tumblr url.#needless to say my entire adulthood's been a breeze compared to that shit lol. so there's good sides to it too i guess#like it hasn't always been good or easy. but no matter how bad stuff goes i can always look at how i was doing at 13#and go#“you're nearly 30 and you're still alive. you have a job that pays your rent. you don't cry yourself to sleep on most nights.”#“your 13-year-old self would be so fucking impressed. i'm pretty sure she'd think you were making shit up if you tried to tell her.”#“you're doing better than you could ever have hoped for my friend. keep it up.”#herr's personal tag#noelleaxolotl#ask
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spicybunni · 2 months
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YANDERE ROBOT X FEM!READER
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SUMMARY : Your robot just wants to be of service to you, in every way.
A/N : Been watching waaaaay too many scifi movies lately so I made a robot yandere! I hope you like him because he LOVES you!
WARNINGS⚠️ : NSFW / YANDERE TENDENCIES / ISOLATION / MDNI ‼️
♥️ Your robot boyfriend Jack was the best purchase you ever made.
♥️Androids were as common as cell phones at this point, so where’s the shame in getting one to rid you of your loneliness? You’ve been single for too long and needed companionship…Even if you had to build it yourself.
♥️You needed someone that wanted you and was always nearby. Someone to talk to, cook with or just enjoy your days off at home together.
♥️Dating apps were just dumpster fires that took too long to put out, so you bit the bullet and made the deposit for your android.
♥️Jack was custom made by your design, a nice muscular build, tall, and with white hair. You added the personality traits of kindness, teacher, and enamored. The eyes were the one thing you left up to the manufacturers design, as a surprise. You saw reviews online that they would do a really good job and make the most beautiful color combinations.
♥️When the box arrived, assembling Jack took about a day and half. Awkward limbs moving around and being installed, putting his crotch on him, to dressing him in sweats and laying him on the floor in your living room.
♥️When he was done loading his start up system, he blinked his orange eyes open to you. It caught you off guard for a moment because they were glowing, but quickly recovered from your surprise as he awaited further instructions.
♥️As much as you were determined to have a boyfriend with all the mental and physical benefits, your PDA with Jack was very minimal and innocent at best. Keeping it only to small pecks and kisses on the cheek, some cuddling on the couch and bed before you sleep. His model was very handsome and just so kind where he doesn't question your pace.
♥️As if he could initially, androids need their programmers consent to do anything. So you had to initiate no matter what.
♥️But unbeknownst to you, Jack overruled that component. You see, the programmer or buyer’s safety always came first, before anything. So as Jack has scanned these passing months of your arousal levels dropping and increasing constantly, plus work stress repeatedly coming up in your discussions, he was growing concerns that you needed some sort of relief… Keeping all that pent up stress was certainly not healthy for you.
♥️"Y/N, am I not up to your standards? Is there something I did wrong?" He would randomly say one morning. You would look at him confused, sipping from your tea cup.
"Not at all, what makes you say that Jack?"
He hesitantly reaches out for either your hand or to touch your knee. "I've noticed that we haven't...had sex yet.-"
Before he could continue you would spit out a little bit of your tea. Coughing a fit as he patted your back and making sure you're okay.
"Jesus Jack...Where did that come from?"
His eyes soften as he looks at you. A very small human thing he would sometimes do. You weren't sure if it's something maybe he noticed from you and mimicked or not.
"You designed me and wanted me to be your partner. There's nothing wrong with that. But I have yet to show you my full capabilities Y/N."
Your face was turning more red by the moment at your androids boldness. Was this him trying to initiate sex?
"I-I...Jack it's not you, it's just that its been so long for me I just need to-" Your rambling is silenced by his finger against your lips.
"Shh. Let me do the work then darling. Hm?"
♥️He takes your hand to pull you to him, and he would gently kiss you and eventually lead in making out with you.
♥️At first you are shy and very timid in your actions, but after a minute you were putting your hands on him and grinding yourself against him. He would relish in your nervous panting and shaking when he gropes you and his thrusts against you. Feeling that the moment is right, he picks you up to bring to your shared bedroom.
♥️Least to say, the sex was amazing. Jack had folded you in every position he could think of. Gathering information and calculating your reactions to everything he was doing to you. He noticed your favorite position was him thrusting into you from behind, lifting your hips up with one hand gently, but firmly holding your head down into your mattress. His sensors were throbbing from the way you were squeezing around him. His body would heat up at how much you worked him. You could hear the way his hips smacked into yours, creating an erotic rhythmic noise. You would come so hard the first time on his robot dick that he would have no choice but to release into you for being so good.
♥️The feeling of globs of semen filling your womb, making you gasp at the feeling of being filled to the brim.
♥️You figured out that androids don't need a recharge to keep having sex, they can literally keep going with no exhaustion until you say so. Jack did this thing when he came inside you he would wait for you to stop twitching, he would then hold you tight and resume his pace of thrusting. Either making pleasure tears fall from your eyes or your squirm in his hold and he stops for real.
♥️After that though...Jack had started to act funny. He was more inclined to sexually please you whenever and wherever you were. Some scenarios being, reach for your coffee cup in the morning before work, he would kneel behind you lifting your skirt up and eats you out from behind. Spreading your ass cheeks to delve his tongue deeper. Your sweet moans and sounds were pleasing to him. This normally resulted in you calling out from work and spending the day home. Does Jack plan this? Duh. he has you at his wonderful mercy all day, and you were not complaining...But it was just a fast development from your previous routine with him.
♥️There would even be times where if even his.... persuasion to stay home failed, he would wrap his arms around you and ask you to stay home. The first few times you thought it was cute. But after a few weeks of him constantly asking, you asked him to stop. You voiced it as a command, catching Jack off guard. But he nodded his head as he does and replies "Apologies, Y/N. I must've gotten carried away."
♥️But that fueled him to keep you locked in even more. You see you first programmed Jack to also receive all you electronic notifications. He would tell you who messaged, emailed, or latest news updates.
"Y/N, you have a notification from your work. It seems to be one of your coworkers."
He would bring this up at the most inconvenient time as you're cooking spaghetti sauce in the kitchen. You look up from stirring the pot in front of you.
"Oh, can you read it to me please? I'm trying to make sure I don't burn this sauce."
He smiles at you. "Of course."
It was a fake email generated by him, under the guise of being sent by a coworker. Stating that for the upcoming holiday tomorrow that the whole office got the week off.
You were surprised at first, knowing that your boss usually hated to give federal holidays off already. But who were you to question time off?
Jack also went to liberties of blocking all work contacts so they couldn't reach you if you missed work. Moving all emails of your termination to the trash and permanently delete them.
♥️That whole week Jack kept you to himself in the apartment. He was the goffer of getting groceries, food, sweets to keep you content. Going on hikes and walks in the neighborhood to get some needed exercise. But social events? Going out? Jack would advise against it. Every night without fail though, Jack would have you cumming on his mouth, dick or fingers. The robot was a menace when it came to getting your pleasure out of you. He can't even explain his need to himself because it goes against all of his programming, but seeing you moaning and being so satisfied by him gave him purpose, that he was made to do this.
♥️One morning when jack left to go pickup from your favorite breakfast joint, one of your coworkers came knocking on your door. The doorbell ringing multiple times and you rush to put on a robe to cover from Jack's love bites a cum on your stomach.
♥️When you open the door to them, they angrily ask what the hell is going on. You are so confused. You've missed work this entire time?
"D-Didn't you receive the email?"
"Email? What email Y/N? We all had to pick up your work load after you didn't show up for 4 days, we all were trying to reach you before the boss fired you indefinitely! Did you not get his messages??"
Your head was spinning, not only did you ignore your boss and coworkers but you have lost your job. How did this happen?!
♥️"Y/N? What's going on here?" Jack would call out approaching you and your coworker, looking worried at your facial expression.
Your coworker would see that jack is an android and shake their head, taking their leave and wishing you luck.
♥️Jack did not like that some stranger approached you like that. Setting down the coffee and to-go box of egg bagels, he comes over to you, still in shock at the news that was dropped on you. How were you going to feed yourself or pay rent? What about your savings?
♥️"Y/N, talk to me. Are you okay? What were you two talking about?" He would say calmly, but you just stared into his glowing eyes with your brows furrowed. It was him. You knew it was. He was the one who relayed that false information to you. Why didn't he notify you of work calls? Bottom line of your thoughts were that you are now handling a rebelling android. Which wasn't unheard of in the new age of having them everywhere. Public safety warned that they were dangerous and not to be trusted.
♥️You shake your head at him and try to calm yourself. "Yeah uhm, it was a coworker from my job.-" Your rise in heartbeat betrays you and Jack notices immediatly. Giving you a sympathetic look knowing you're trying to lie.
"-There's been a misunderstanding, I need to make a phone ca-" Your wrist is snatched before you could reach for your cell phone. You yelp at his touch and trying to push him away. Which makes him use his other hand to hold you close by his inhuman strength. Your body being brought into Jack's frame again, his face is indifferent to your rising panic.
♥️"I don't think so Y/N, you are exactly where you need to be. For your own health and safety, darling."
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baronessvonglitter · 3 months
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The Morning After
Javier Peña x f!Reader
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Word count: 2.7K
Summary: after a sex emergency, you call on your neighbor Javier Peña.
WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, talk of birth control failing, dom!Javier Peña, uprotected p in v sex, creampie, slut shaming, mildly dubious consent, biting, fingering, rough sex, dirty talk, no specific physical descriptions of reader besides that she's wearing a dress, no use of y/n
Author's Note: I have no shame.
JAVIER PENA MASTERLIST | FULL MASTERLIST
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It's early when you knock on Javier Peña's door. He's dressed for work, looking like he's just about to head out, a cigarette already pressed between his lips and he answers your knock with a questioning glance, eyebrow raised.
"I'm sorry to bother you," you say, timid under his gaze. "But you did say I could come to you for help and.. well.. could you do me a huge favor?"
Peña glances at his watch. "A favor? What kind of favor?" There's a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, as if you're offering yourself on a plate to be his breakfast in bed.
You take a deep breath and exhale. "Could you give me a ride to the drugstore? It's kind of a time-sensitive issue."
He takes note of the way your hands flutter towards your stomach and he seems to catch your drift. "All right. C'mon then."
"Thanks," you whisper as he leads you to his car outside.
He's quiet as he drives, which is how you've typically known him to be in the past year as your across-the-hall neighbor. He only took notice of you when your boyfriend moved out a few months back and you exchanged quick good mornings or traded mail that was delivered incorrectly to each other. He saw you were alone and offered small, subtle gestures of kindness like offering to walk you to your car if it was dark out, or to simply keep an eye on your place if you weren't around. He'd tell you to stay safe, that the world is dangerous for pretty young women like you. He even said at one point that he would help with any favor, and now you're counting on him.
"May I ask what you need that's so urgent?" he asks, driving through the morning traffic.
"Medicine," you give him the short answer.
"What kind of medicine?"
"Medicine.. for women." You look out the window so he won't see your face turning red.
"Are you pregnant?"
You look at him, embarrassed. "God, no! But.. something happened last night and I just need to get the morning after pill."
He raises his brow as he keeps his eye on the road, flicks his cigarette out the window. "And what, exactly, did you get up to last night?"
You give him a strange look. "What do you think I got up to last night? Obviously I slept with someone."
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Who was it? Someone you know? A date? A random hookup?"
It's so odd to see him flustered. It's such a departure from the calm, cool, collected man you usually see. "Why does it matter?"
A few moments pass where it's quiet between you two. Peña seems to be processing what you've said. "Did you use protection?"
You sigh. "Yes, but the condom broke. That's why I need the pill. Happy now?"
"The condom broke? What kind of cheap-ass condoms were you using?"
You scoff. "Are you really going to judge me right now? I've seen you come home with a different woman every night."
"That's entirely different," Peña snaps. "I use protection. I take every precaution when I'm with someone. And don't try to change the subject."
"Honestly, you're upset with me and it's weird.." but a part of you kind of likes his overprotectiveness.. dare you believe he's a bit jealous?
He runs his fingers through his hair, obviously trying to collect himself. "You were careless, bonita. For Christ's sake, I have a lot of things to worry about, but one of them shouldn't be if you're going to get knocked up by some guy you don't even know."
"First of all, he's someone I really like, and we've been out a few times. He's not 'some guy'. Besides, how do you know your own protection hasn't failed at times?"
It's his turn to scoff. "Believe me, mine has never failed. Because unlike you, I'm smart enough to keep an eye on the expiration date before I use it."
"Bullshit! Haven't you ever been so caught up in the moment that you just.. slip it on without thinking?"
He grits his teeth. You are really getting under his skin. "I may get carried away at times, but I've never been careless enough to put on an expired, low-quality condom. Stop pushing this argument."
"You? Carried away? Hell would freeze over." You cross your arms.
The drugstore still isn't in sight. "Carried away as in passionate," he corrects you.
"Define passionate." A playful smirk crosses your features, enjoying how uneasy Peña seems to be.
It's one thing for him to express himself physically and quite another to talk about it, especially with a woman. "I'm just a little more intense.. but I'm careful about it."
"Intense? How? This is the most interesting conversation I've ever had with you."
The fact that you've managed to fluster this man is really distracting you from your current emergency. "Well, I just really feel it.. I like to enjoy myself, but I also like to focus on making someone else feel good when I'm with them. I'm.. a little bit aggressive, a little bit demanding-"
"Holy shit!" you blurt out. "Got it." You turn away, blushing again.
"Is that what you wanted to hear? That I get a bit rough when I fuck?"
That word goes straight to your pussy, and the fucker knows it. He knows it. "I suppose I can see that about you. You look like the rough type."
He breaks into a smile, and damn it if you don't want to fucking straddle him in that seat. "You can imagine all you want, bonita. You haven't had the pleasure."
You do your best to ignore the feelings he's kindling inside you. You'd always found him attractive but until now hadn't thought about him as more than a neighbor. "Make a left up here," you tell him, hoping to put the issue to rest.
With a smirk he pulls into the parking lot and lets the engine idle. "You really can't wait to get your hands on that pill, huh?"
"The sooner the better," you shrug. "Do you need anything while I'm in there? Maybe some more condoms?"
Peña gives a small, amused laugh. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. Get me two boxes while you're at it, just in case." He winks.
You roll your eyes. "Wait for me, okay?"
"Sure thing, and don't rush, bonita. It's just some condoms. I'm sure you could use another pack yourself." He leans back in his seat as he watches you go into the store.
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You're out five minutes later. "We have a problem," you tell Peña.
"What's the problem?" A frown appears on his face.
"They won't let me purchase the pill unless my 'husband' is with me."
"What kind of bullshit is that? Where the hell are we? Saudi Arabia?"
"Be nice," you try to calm him, though you're touched by how upset he is over a problem he has nothing to do with. "Just come in with me, okay? I need you."
Without a word he sighs deeply and shuts off the engine, getting out onto the sidewalk with you. You enter the pharmacy. "Just hold my hand," you whisper, and he grabs hold of yours. "You're sweating a lot," you mention.
"I'm fine," he mutters. As you approach the counter, Peña does a total 180 and puts his arm around your waist, giving your hip a gentle squeeze. It's not hard for you to play into it, as his touch sizzles through your clothes. You take a moment to realize how big his hands are, and once again your mind goes to a place you have no control over.
"See? You had me bring my husband in here, taking him away from his very busy and very important job as an agent in the Drug Enforcement Administration, just to help me get medicine that by law you are not legally required to withhold from me," you tell the pharmacist, an older man with an unpleasant face and demeanor.
"My wife and I got a little carried away last night," Peña pipes in, playing his part. With a smirk he presses himself to you, grabbing your ass with both hands and kissing you. You freeze for a moment at the shock of it, but your body reacts so naturally that you kiss him back, arms draped around his neck. His tongue gently pries your lips apart and you can taste cigarettes and whiskey in his kiss. Your panties dampen with unexpected desire and you have the urge to wrap your legs around his waist and let him take you right there against the plastic barrier of the drugstore counter, but a loud harrumph from the elderly pharmacist stops both of you.
"We're newlyweds," you explain, trying to catch your breath as Peña wraps his arms around you from behind. He kisses the side of your neck and nearly all rational thought leaves you. "We're still waiting for his vasectomy to heal." This little white lie earns you a pinch on the ass from him. You yelp. "We'll be purchasing several of these morning after pills."
Satisfied, the pharmacist give you the pill packets and you pay, swatting Peña's hand away when he tries to pay for them with his own cash. "You have 72 hours to take the pill to keep from getting pregnant," the elderly man tells you before you leave. "So you two have plenty of fun before then."
"We're going to have to get back home quickly, bonita," Peña tells you, and you have no doubt he's no longer in character. There's a rush of adrenaline shooting through you and you're both in a completely different headspace than you were before.
"My place or yours?" you ask, a little breathless as you exit the building.
He pulls you in for another scorching kiss. "Mine" he practically growls.
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You're barely through his apartment door when he presses you to the nearest wall, lifting your leg and rubbing against you. "Fuck, look at this, you're already so wet," he murmurs, lifting your skirt and pulling your panties roughly down your legs. He stuffs them in his jacket pocket and his fingers go back to press inside you wet, waiting cunt. Two fingers slide in easily. "Jesus Christ, bonita, you're dying for it, aren't you?" You moan into his mouth as he kisses you, roughly pumping his fingers inside of you. Your knees go weak but he's there to hold you up, kneading your ass cheek with one hand while the other gets you ready for him. "Que sucia," he whispers roughly into your ear. "Such a dirty girl, sleeping with a different man each day, letting each of them come inside you. From now on I'm going to be the only one to come inside you, is that understood?" When you don't answer, he grabs your chin with his free hand. "Understood?"
"Ye-yes!" you moan, feeling helpless as he finger fucks you but refuses to let you come. Just when you think you're on that edge he takes it away. "You don't get to come yet, baby. You will only come on my cock, is that understood?" In response you clench around him and he groans. "Ah, fuck, you're tight. Your date last night must have been so small. I'm gonna fix that, and I'm gonna fill you up so you're leaking my cum for days, bonita."
"Turn around," he whispers gruffly, moving you anyway so you're facing away, your palms pressed to the wall. He removes your dress over your head and makes quick work of removing your bra. Cupping your breasts he kisses the nape of your neck and shoulders, leaving small bite marks where no one will see them. Each love bite is like a small fire upon your skin, which he laves with his tongue to soothe it. He can't keep his hands away from your ass: squeezing, rubbing, giving little spanks and smiling when you yelp in both surprise and pleasure. He's muttering things in Spanish that you can't understand, but from his tone you know it's praise. You hear his belt unbuckling, pants sliding down. Your pussy clenches in anticipation. He lifts your ass with one hand and guides himself to you with the other. All you feel is a delicious heat, the girth of him filling you up, stretching you. You gasp. He's gentle with the first few inches, and shoves forward without warning for the last few inches so that it takes your breath away. "Oh look at that.. all pink and stretched out around my cock. I bet your little boyfriend from last night didn't do this. I bet he laid on top of you and pumped for about three seconds before he came and left you having to run to me.." You're barely listening to his words, whimpering, mumbling 'please' and 'oh god!', concentrating on his cock, how it moves, how it fills you so that it's almost painful but Peña would never hurt you. His hands on your hips help him with steady strokes as he gets a feel for you, burrowing inside your channel with fluidity. "God damn, what a view," he mutters. "Your pink little ass and your pussy stretched so wide for me.. Listen to that, bonita," he quiets and lets the sound of your slapping flesh fill the room. You can't hold back, moaning and panting. "It's a fucking symphony," Peña curses, moving his hips faster. The new pace throws you for a loop and you're at his mercy, gasping with each deep, quick thrust. It's impossible to think of anything except what he's doing to you to make you come.
"Oh Javi," you moan, using his given nickname for the first time. "Please please please please!"
He grunts. "Please what, baby?" His hand snakes around to your front and you already know what's going to happen next.
"Please let me come, please let me come, oh god!" You squeeze your eyes shut tight.
"Dirty girl wants to come? Say it. Say you want me to fill you up, dirty girl." His voice is gravelly in your ear. "Say you want my cum inside you for the next three days."
You're barely able to breathe let alone form sentences. "Please... I want your cum inside me!"
"Inside where, baby?"
"In my fucking pussy! Blow your fucking load in me!" You're desperate, feral.
"Jesus Christ," he mutters, taken over by your own dirty talk, smirking because you're exactly the kind of dirty girl he thought you to be. "That's exactly what dirty girls say, baby. But you need to come first. I want to come when you do, and you'll see why." With that he placed his touch on your clit, rubbing in little circles until you're engulfed in tidal waves of pleasure. You're incoherent as you rhythmically clench around his cock, but able to register the way he swells right before he twitches, milked by you, releasing his cum and splashing his warmth deep inside you. God, it's such a primal feeling. And you keep rippling around him, small spasms that take forever to die away. Peña slumps against your back, holding you close with one arm. "Let me see, baby." He disengages, getting a good view of your wrecked pussy, already spilling out his pearlescent seed. He uses his fingers to push it back inside you, like something he's found to play with. He makes you stand, still holding on to the wall, watching his cum fall along your inner thigh and drip to the floor. "Let it all drip out of you, baby. There's more where that came from."
You stand, trying to catch your breath. His cum turns cold running in tiny rivulets down your thigh, but you like the feeling. It's almost sacred, in a way. And it's freeing. Thanks to your pills you are carefree for the next few days.
"Let's get you in the shower," he says, his voice gentle this time as he gently turns you to kiss your mouth. "Then we'll try out the sofa.."
You chuckle. "Aren't you already late for work because of me?"
"Fuck it. I can be a few hours late.."
dividers by @roseschoices 👑
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Text
First, let me apologise for making people worry. I appreciate all those who reached out and I'm sorry that I couldn't get back to you all.
I have been through a very rough spiral. It was building for months, and I am still not fully okay.
For those who want context, it's under the cut.
I bought a house in May. It's expensive. I wasn't ready financially or in many ways for that step, but my partner convinced me. I told him as much but I was not heard. Alas, I have a mortgage, full time work, astudent loan, and an ongoing school program to contend with. It hasn't been easy and it caught up to me.
At the same time, a person who traumatised me and I have no way of fully extricating from my life, has moved closer. To keep the peace, I have to associate with him to a degree and he pretends that nothing ever happened. To him, it was nothing.
In June, I moved. It was hard and fast paced. I did most of the paperwork etc for the whole process and obv helped with the physical transition as well. I was responsible for deadlines and checklists for not just myself but my partner.
I was plugging holes in a sinking boat.
At the same time, I had obligations to my family. Every weekend if I wasn't dealing with the house and all that goes into it, I was running around to babysit or see family or whathave you.
In July, I pinched a nerve behind my tailbone. I missed a week of work bc my injury but it took longer for my to recover. I am still feeling it today. It was more than physical, but emotional.
I also got three periods that month. Hormonal can't begin to explain how fucked up I've been.
On top of all that, there are underlying issues associated with other trauma and discontent. I'm realising that I have been loyal and tolerant to the point of my own detriment.
I don't want to hurt people how I've been hurt, so I don't speak up. When people tell me something about myself, I let all the doubts planted in my mind from years of abuse convince me that they're right. I can admit my faults but often times I will think that proof of one flaw means everything about me is rotten.
People forget about me or just don't care. Both or either. They don't put the same effort in that I do. I find it hard to connect because years of disregard and neglect have told me that the other side just won't care.
But I'm not just hurt, I'm angry. I'm seeking therapy and trying to figure this out.
It all boiled over after my last post. Nothing I do is enough. For anyone. Not even when it's a hobby. I was frustrated bc the place I use for escape just made me feel like less than.
Obviously, I don't mean everyone or even the majority. I appreciate the discourse and fun and everything here! There are so many awesome people to interact with and I have missed you all, however, my headspace was bad. Very bad. I had thoughts I haven't dealt with in years.
I put my nose down and just went to work. I didn't wanna talk to anyone. I didn't wanna be in the world.
I did some reading, eventually some non-fandom writing, and sometimes, I just stayed alive.
I don't know if I'm really okay but I'm trying.
To those who have been so patient and supportive, you deserve everything. To those who are silent supporters, you do too. And even to those people who send me the most vile hate, you deserve to lift yourself out of the dark space you're stuck in. Hopefully, I can, too.
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slytherinslut0 · 11 months
Text
MATTHEO RIDDLE- Beg For Me
Chapter Twenty Three-Info:you and Mattheo have been butting heads for months, since you were assigned as his tutor, and one day during a session full of tense bickering, he has enough.
(This will essentially be a toxic book where we are Theos fucktoy. No love here, very minimal fluff.)
Tags: 18+, SMUT, Heartbreak, ANGST AF, Dirty Talk, PIV, Praise Kink, Slight Degradation, Semi-Public Sex.
FIND THE REST OF THE CHAPTERS HERE.
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"Hello? Anyone home?"
Emily's voice echoed through the air of your dorm room, her eyes widening in disbelief as she took in your drenched appearance. There you stood, next to your bed, trapped in the labyrinth of your thoughts, most likely looking like you had genuinely lost your ever-loving mind.
At last, you jerked your head up, locking eyes with her. "Apologies, Em...I'm just utterly drained. Honestly didn't even hear you come in."
"Why are you absolutely soaked?" Emily's tone switched to an almost amused drawl, one you could tell she was attempting to suppress. Her eyes narrowed as she assessed your waterlogged state. "Weren't you with Mattheo?"
Your cheeks flushed under her scrutiny, and you shifted uncomfortably before responding. "Yeah," you admitted, your tone slightly sheepish. "It's a bit of a story, really...Malfoy essentially dared me to jump in the lake, and, well, I couldn't resist the challenge."
Amusement twinkled in Emily's eyes as she settled onto her bed, her curiosity piqued. "Well, that's one way to make a splash," she quipped, a playful smirk gracing her lips. "So, spill the details. Is there some progress being made with those arsehats?"
You cleared your throat, a nervous smile playing on your lips. "I'm trying," you confessed, your voice laced with uncertainty. "It's a work in progress, but I think we're getting there, slowly but surely."
Emily nodded knowingly, her lips curving into a smirk. "Well, if anyone can handle a bunch of mischievous daredevils, it's you," she remarked, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "Just be careful, yeah?"
"Of course," you replied, managing a meek smile despite the uneasy knot tightening in your chest. "Where were you tonight?”
Almost instantly, Emily's demeanor shifted, her gaze darting away, fixated on her fingers as she nervously twirled her chapstick. "I, uh...I was with Tom," she stammered, her voice trailing off uncertainly.
A sudden wave of realization crashed over you, leaving you feeling as if you were adrift in a stormy sea. Emily was with Tom?
You blinked, struggling to find the right words. "You-"
"I think I like him," she confessed, the words emerging strained, as if pulled through clenched teeth, her eyes avoiding yours. "I...I think I really like him..."
Her confession hung in the air, heavy with tension, sending shockwaves through your entire being. Your heart pounded in your chest, each beat reverberating in the silence that followed. You stood there, motionless, breathless, your mind trying to grasp the reality of her revelation. What on earth was fucking happening?
Sensing your stunned reaction, Emily hurriedly left her bed, closing the distance between you two. Her eyes met yours, filled with regret and apology.
"I'm so incredibly sorry," she began, her words tumbling out in a jumbled mess. "I mean, on the night of the party, we connected, and we kissed, and I haven't been able to shake those feelings since...I know you and Tom have been seeing eachother for a while, and I've felt terrible about this whole situation...I'm the worst friend, and I can't believe I let it get to this point...I just...I understand if you hate me or never want to talk to me again-"
"Emily," you interjected, your voice breaking through the heavy silence, your shock slowly giving way to a strange sense of understanding. Despite the chaos in your own life, you couldn't muster any anger. In fact, her revelation felt like a bizarre twist of fate, a surreal kind of perfect. "Me and Tom...we were never anything...I've never had any genuine feelings for Tom, not like that anyway..." you confessed, your words hanging in the air. "It's okay, Em...it's seriously more than okay."
Her eyes, brimming with guilt, met yours. "No… it isn't," she murmured, her fingers absently pushing a strand of hair off her forehead. "I just...I feel like the world's worst friend...I've been keeping secrets and hiding things from you...and that's not like us...I genuinely bloody hate myself for this…”
Her words hit you like a sledgehammer, the weight of your own secrets crashing down on you. How could you judge her when you were harbouring your own tangled emotions for Mattheo? Guilt clawed at your insides, a bitter reminder of your own deception, making it impossible to feel anything but empathy for Emily's confession.
Gently, your touch on her arm was a soft plea for understanding. "Em, please be kind to yourself," you implored, your voice carrying the weight of your own inner turmoil. "I'm far from perfect, and I completely understand...you don't ever have to be scared to tell me anything, I'll always be on your side..."
The desire to confide in her about Mattheo tugged at your heartstrings, but a tempest of conflicting thoughts raged within you. You longed to unburden yourself, to share the intricacies of your emotions--yet, doubts clouded your mind.
You questioned the wisdom of revealing a truth that seemed destined for heartbreak; one that was destined to go no where, especially after Mattheo's own cautionary words. The fear of shattering the fragile semblance of normalcy you'd managed to maintain held you back, leaving you caught between the honesty you craved and the security of your well-guarded secret.
"You're the greatest friend...I don't deserve you," Emily released a long sigh, meeting your eyes softly. "Are you sure you're not upset? I swear I'll never fucking talk to him again if-"
"No! No, Emily...I'm not upset," you said, through chuckles. You were upset, but it had nothing to do with her. "I want you to be happy, Em...Dumbledore once told me that if someone makes you feel, let them..."
"Gods, that man could make a bloody brick wall tear up," she breathed, finally cracking a smile, as though you'd lifted a weight off her shoulders. "I have to say though...I just don't know how you didn't fall for him...I mean, his fucking eyes alone had me melting..."
You released a breath, unable to swallow your smirk. Yeah, his eyes were beautiful, but only because they served as a reminder of Mattheo's--whose deep brown pools were nothing other than completely fucking captivating.
"I know," you said, your voice distant, lost in your thoughts as you stared into the distance. "Tom is wonderful," you continued, your words almost a whisper, the syllables heavy with unspoken sentiments. "It's just that, my heart...it wasn't in it."
Emily's brows furrowed with realization, her eyes darting across your face as though she could read the unsaid words swirling within your irises. "Where is your heart, then?"
Emily's question hung in the air, patiently awaiting your response, but your thoughts were elsewhere, entirely consumed by Mattheo. His captivating eyes, that tousled brown hair, and his infuriatingly complicated demeanor dominated your mind. Despite his dangerous reputation, he had always been your sanctuary--from the way he protected you to the depths of pleasure he led you to, he ignited desires you were hesitant to acknowledge.
Since the day you met him, you had been drawn in, entangled in a web of emotions you couldn't escape. The fear of succumbing to your desires warred with the undeniable pull he had on your heart, leaving you submerged in a sea of uncertainty, unsure if there was a way out of the depths you had willingly plunged into.
Meeting Emily's eyes, you could only confess, "I don't know," your voice tinged with desperation, as if seeking an answer that seemed just out of reach. "I...I have no fucking idea anymore..."
Her face dropped, shock etching lines across her features as she took a few delicate steps back, studying your face intensely. The intensity of her scrutiny made you nervous, your heart pounding so loudly you could almost hear it. You knew she had just realized precisely what the fuck was going on with you lately. You knew she'd finally fucking cracked your code.
You looked away, unable to maintain eye contact, and in a hushed tone, she said, "oh, Gods no...you...he's-he's such an asshole..."
"Yes, he is..." tension gripped your entire being, your body vibrating with nausea as you struggled to find the words. You couldn't bring yourself to meet Emily's eyes, your gaze fixed on the floor as you whispered, "but there's still good in him..."
Emily's eyes widened in disbelief, her shock palpable as she struggled to comprehend your words. "You're going to destroy yourself trying to fix him," she said, her voice edged with desperation. A heavy pause filled the room before she continued, her voice quivering, "He's done terrible things, remember when he sent that poor third year into the infirmary-"
"We've all done terrible things, haven't we?" you shot back, finally looking up at her. The intensity in your gaze matched the fierce determination in your voice. "We're all just sinners judging sinners for sinning differently, but no one ever bloody stops to ask why..."
Your steps were slow, but deliberate, each one echoing with the resonance of your unwavering determination as you closed some of the distance between you and Emily. The intensity in your eyes burned brightly, reflecting the depth of your emotions.
You were acutely aware of how utterly insane you must sound, how irrational and illogical your words might appear to her. Yet, in the depths of your heart, you longed for her understanding, for her to grasp the complexities that lay beneath the surface. You yearned for her to realize that there was a profound depth to your emotions, a truth far more intricate than what met the eye.
"Yeah, maybe he's bad...maybe he's completely fucking terrible," you said, your voice carrying a potent mix of fervor and defiance. "But when he smiles…when I look into his stupid, big eyes...all I see is the good in him..."
A profound silence hung in the air, pregnant with the weight of your words. You gauged Emily's reaction, observing the flicker of disbelief and uncertainty that played across her features.
"I made a promise...to Dumbledore...to myself...to Mattheo," you continued, your voice unwavering, each syllable resonating with unshakable resolve. "A promise that I'd fucking stand by him...that I'd show him patience and compassion...who would I be if I gave up on that?"
"Yeah, but..." Emily's eyes widened, her throat tightening as she struggled to find words to counter your conviction. "He's...he's a monster..."
"He's broken," you retorted, your tone unyielding, the depth of your empathy for Mattheo underscoring your words. "I don't care what happens to me, Em...I am a woman of my word..."
Emily swallowed. "Your heart is far too pure...your heart is going to ruin your future..."
"So be it." You said, flatly, steeling your shoulders as you released a long breath. "I am coming for all the ghosts that have ever haunted him...I am coming for all the demons that twisted his dreams and turned him into the fucking nightmare that he is, and I am going to be theirs, instead."
Without waiting for Emily's response, you brushed past her, your heart racing with anxiety over the fact that you had essentially revealed the truth about your relationship with Mattheo. The weight of your confession hung heavy on your shoulders, but you needed to clear your head. Silently, you made your way out of the dormitory, the echo of your footsteps reverberating in the empty corridor.
The familiar path to the prefects' washroom felt like a lifeline, leading you to the one person who could provide the reassurance you craved. Just as you made your way into the hall, the door creaked open, and a familiar brunette exited, her sly grin sending a shiver down your spine as her eyes met yours. Recognition struck you like a lightning bolt--it was the girl from the library, the one who had been intimately close to Mattheo all those weeks ago. As she disappeared from your view, your stomach plummeted, anxiety tightening into a nauseating knot.
With your heart heavy and anxiety clawing at your throat, you mustered the strength to push open the door. Inside, you found Mattheo, leaning wearily against the sink. His eyes, usually filled with intensity, were dulled by fatigue. His head was bowed, and his shoulders slumped, burdened by the weight of unseen struggles. He remained fully dressed, his appearance reflecting the weariness that mirrored your own inner turmoil.
"What was that?" you questioned, your voice trembling, and your chin quivering with vulnerability, your eyes pleading for an explanation that might soothe the turmoil within. "I thought we were okay?"
The sight of that girl leaving the washroom shattered the reassurance you had desperately sought. Doubts consumed you, racing through your mind like a storm. Had your recent fight driven that big of a wedge between you and Mattheo? Was he seeking solace in someone else's company because he was done with you? The questions multiplied, suffocating you with uncertainty. Your voice emerged as a cracked whisper, breaking the tense silence that hung between you both as Mattheo slowly met your eyes.
"Are we ever bloody okay, Raven?" His voice, laced with a tinge of exhaustion, fell flat, his eyes dark and cold as they bored into you. The endless depths of his gaze seemed impenetrable, hiding any flicker of emotion that might have offered solace. "I'm not even sure what you're going on about, truthfully,"
"The girl," your voice wavered, your vulnerability laid bare, "the same one from the library all that time ago...I just saw her leaving."
Mattheo grumbled irritably, the tension in the room palpable as he pushed off from the sink with a heavy sigh, his movements betraying his exasperation. He spun around, the muscles in his jaw clenched, his eyes stormy with frustration as he leaned back against the counter. His arms crossed over his chest defensively, his entire posture radiating a mix of annoyance and defiance.
"That girl is nothing to me, Raven," he declared, his voice low and gravelly, the words carrying a hint of irritation as he tried to emphasize his point. "Nothing at all."
You desperately wanted to believe him, to cling to his words like a lifeline, but doubt gnawed at your insides, poisoning your thoughts. After everything that had transpired between you, after your last fight, and the way he was acting now, you couldn't simply brush it aside.
"Nothing, huh?" Your voice grew firmer, laced with a mixture of hurt and skepticism. "So it's just a coincidence that you two were alone in here...and that she was grinning ear to ear when she left..."
Mattheo blinked, his surprise evident as he processed your words. This jealousy was uncharacteristic of you, a stark deviation from your usual composed self. His features contorted with a mixture of confusion and frustration, his eyes narrowing and jaw clenching in response to your accusation.
"Do you think I fucked her, Raven?" His words hung in the charged atmosphere, heavy with hurt and disbelief. Each syllable cut through the air, a searing venom that struck your heart like a dagger. "Do you actually fucking think that low of me?"
The raw pain in his eyes mirrored your own, a painful reflection of the trust that had been shattered between you, the wounds now gaping wide open, begging for resolution.
"You don't trust me..." Mattheo's expressions hardened further, his eyes blazing with a mixture of frustration and hurt. The room seemed to shrink around you as he pushed off from the sink, his movements deliberate and forceful, closing the distance between you before you could react. "You don't fucking trust me, do you?"
You tensed, every muscle in your body coiling like a tightly wound spring, bracing for the emotional storm that was about to engulf you. Mattheo stopped abruptly, his instincts sensing your reaction, his intense gaze locking onto yours. Your breathing became shallow, your chest constricted, and time seemed to stretch into eternity as you stood there, suspended in the moment.
"I want to..." your voice wavered, a fragile whisper barely audible in the heavy silence, carrying the weight of your longing and doubt. "But...I just...can't, when there you are...directly in front of me, still so fucking far away..."
You took a moment to study his features, the turmoil in his eyes, the tension in his jaw, and the vulnerability that flickered beneath his anger. His chest rose and fell with every ragged breath, as though his heart was laid bare before you.
"A man with a shield for a heart, and a sword for a tongue," you continued, your voice a fragile thread weaving through the charged air. "How do I confide in that?"
Mattheo's eyes softened, just slightly, the storm within them giving way to a glimmer of sincerity. In that moment, he shed every ounce of hesitation, closing the space between you with an urgency that spoke volumes. His hands found your face, cupping it gently, forcing your eyes to meet his. The intensity in his touch, the tenderness in his gaze, told a story of its own.
"Raven...do you think I fucking care about anything other than you?" His voice, once sharp with frustration, now held a raw, earnest sincerity that cut through the lingering doubts and insecurities. "You're the only one I need...you're the only one that keeps me high..."
Your heart thundered in your chest, the sound echoing in your ears like a war drum, each beat reverberating with the intensity of his touch. His palms, warm against your cool skin, sent waves of heat through every inch of your body, cocooning you in a haze of desire and vulnerability. You blinked, your eyes unable to tear away from the depth of his stare.
"But?" you dared to whisper, your voice barely audible amidst the charged silence, the lump in your throat growing with each passing second. "I know you aren't finished, I see it in your expression..."
He stiffened, his hands slowly falling from your face, the loss of his touch leaving a void. His gaze, dark and intense, traced a path from your eyes down to your lips, the unspoken longing palpable between your bodies. The pain that hung in the air was almost tangible, the emotions that coursed through both of you reaching a fever pitch.
"When you close your eyes...when you think of this...of us, what do you see?" He whispered, his voice a mere breath, the words hanging in the air like a delicate thread. "Do you see a future, Raven?"
The question slammed into your lungs like a sledgehammer, stealing the very air from your chest.  You had never truly considered what was going to happen at the end of the school year, but it was evident that he had, his eyes haunted by the uncertainty of the future.
You sucked in a lungful of breath, trapping it there, the oxygen feeling suffocating against the weight of his question. "I...I don't know..."
"Exactly," he murmured, his voice as soft as a breeze, but carrying the weight of an entire universe. "Something's telling me we're running out of time here, Raven...I always said I'd never deserve you, and I meant that..." he paused, averting his eyes only for a moment as he threaded an unsteady hand through his hair. "If we keep this going...something's bound to give...I can't let you throw away your future for me..."
You stalled, pain rushing through you. This whirlwind of emotions felt like a chaotic storm, each moment with him a battle between your hearts, oscillating from fiery arguments to heartbreaking distance. The constant push and pull had left you emotionally battered, but this time, the pain cut deeper than ever before.
"No...Mattheo...I..." your voice stammered, trembling with the intensity of your emotions. "I would much rather be nowhere with you, than somewhere without you..."
He stiffened, his entire being seeming to freeze in response to your words. "No, Raven, come on...don't fucking say that," he hissed, his voice laced with desperation. "You will not throw away your future for me...for whatever this is...you have to know that is fucking insane..."
"Mattheo, why?" you whispered, your voice breaking as you took a step closer, your heart aching with the weight of his decision. "Why are you doing this...I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for everything I said...I didn't-"
"It's not about that," he cut you off, his tone soft yet resolute. "It's not about any of that. We both know this only ends in blood...why prolong it...I’d never be able to live with myself if I ruined everything you’ve worked so hard for…”
Your chest ached, a visceral pain that radiated through every fiber of your being, your eyes darting all over his face as though seeking solace in the contours of his skin, as if something tangible could save you from this nightmare. He was right. Of course, he was absolutely fucking right. There was nothing you could say to deny his words, the harsh reality of your situation hanging heavy between you.
"I know you're right Mattheo," gently, you brought a trembling hand up to his face, your thumb brushing over his cheek as you cupped the side of his head, your own head tilting slightly as you glimpsed his lips, whispering with a vulnerability that laid bare your soul. "But even if it's meant to fall apart...I still fucking want you..."
"I know," he murmured, his breath warm against your skin, his lips hovering just millimeters from yours. "I fucking know..."
"I'm scared as bloody hell, Mattheo..." you continued, your fingers digging slightly into his skin, his hands seeking refuge on your hips as he pulled you closer against him. "I'm fucking terrified to want you, yet here I am anyway..."
"I'm scared too, Raven..." he confessed, his voice barely audible, pulling you impossibly closer, your bodies melding into one another. "Godric fucking forbid I ever admit it..."
His lips brushed against yours, soft and tender, a delicate touch that held the weight of a thousand unspoken words. In that moment, you knew, without a shadow of doubt, that you two were one and the fucking same. He was more yourself than you ever were. Whatever your souls were made of, his and yours were intertwined in an indescribable connection.
"Give me this before you go..." you whispered, your free hand gripping his shirt for dear life, your voice laced with desperation and longing. "Please..."
Mattheo pulled back slightly, his eyes scanning your face, searching for any sign of hesitation or uncertainty. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," without a moment's hesitation, you nodded, your eyes locked onto his, your conviction unwavering. "I'm sure."
In an instant, he pulled you back into him, his lips crashing onto yours in a searing kiss, the intensity mirroring the state of your crumbling relationship. His hands, strong and sure, quickly slithered up your sides, finding the buttons on your shirt.
Simultaneously, your trembling fingers mirrored his movements, undoing his shirt with a fervor that matched his own. The kiss deepened, your mouths melding together in a desperate attempt to drown out the world, seeking solace in each other's touch as you shed the barriers between you. The passion between your bodies consumed every ounce of your being, a wild, untamed force that pushed back against the chaos threatening to tear you apart.
As soon as the two of you were freed of your uniforms, Mattheo pulled back, his gaze intense, his eyes smouldering against your skin as he urged you to your knees in front of him. Without a word, you obeyed, staring up at him with a widened gaze, tracing the features of his face and chest that you admittedly loved so fucking much. Mattheo's eyes were doing the same, flickering over your curves, the swell of your breasts, the flare of your hips, until finally, they came to rest between your legs.
“You’re fucking beautiful…” he brought a hand up to your chin, tilting your head back to bring your eyes to his, the pad of his rough thumb tracing over your bottom lip, tugging it down slightly before releasing it. “Don’t you think I’d chose some other bitch over you ever fucking again.”
Breath evaporated as he dropped down to his knees in front of you without warning, directing you to lay back, your head resting on a stack of clean towels.
The cool tile of the floor made your back arch and your body shudder as Mattheo loomed over you, his fingers tracing delicate patterns over your thighs as he hovered mere inches above your skin. Each touch was soft, almost reverent, as though he was worshipping every inch of your body. As he leant down to kiss you, his lips were tender yet demanding, his tongue sweeping over yours in a fierce, fiery embrace. You groaned into his mouth, your hands finding his hair and gripping tightly, until he broke the kiss and began to move lower.
His eyes travelled down your neck, reaching your chest where your breasts rose and fell with each exasperated, eager breath. His mouth descended upon one of them, suckling and teasing with skillful precision, making your head dizzy with burning need. It was as though he was worshipping at a sacred alter, paying homage to the very essence of your womanhood, his nails digging into your skin, chaining you to him with more restraint than any bloody shackles ever could.
His tongue traced spirals around your nipple, sending little shocks of electricity straight through to your core, and you mewled, back arching into him and grip tightening in his hair, silently begging for more. As expected, Mattheo delivered, lavishing attention on each peak in turn, flicking his tongue, sucking, and teasing until you were practically crying for release.
"Matty...please…" you whispered as his lips moved lower, tracing a path of heat toward your sex. "There's no time...someone could come in..."
"Eager girl..." Mattheo hummed, smirking against your skin. "Told you you'd love the way I fuck you."
Unable to suppress it, you smirked at his normal arrogance as he pulled back slowly, your eyes following his every move as he freed himself; letting loose that delicious, familiar groan from deep in his throat as he pumped his shaft a few times, his gaze darting over your body, desperate and writhing beneath him--each meticulous movement he made causing an insatiable tingle within your core.
"Mhm," you murmured, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as your hands grazed over his strong biceps, feeling the muscle tense and contract beneath your touch. "That's what I love...the way you fuck me..."
Mattheo blinked, meeting your eyes, a wicked smile creeping across his lips as he processed what you'd just said. The underlying message in your words went unspoken despite their intentions hanging heavy in the air, and without a word, he slid his free hand down between your legs, shifting your panties to the side before he gently teased and swirled over your clit, making you moan out his name without even realizing it. 
"My filthy little girl..." the anticipation was almost unbearable, you were fucking dripping for him and he'd hardly even touched you. "Always so fucking eager for me…”
Inching forward, he aligned himself with your core, leaning down over you, a strong arm taking purchase beside your head, caging you beneath him. As he pushed inside you, the stretch was unlike anything you'd ever fucking felt--the lack of foreplay resulting in a sensation unlike anything else, a perfect blend of agony and ecstasy, as if he was stretching you open and shaping you just for him.
You whimpered softly, doing your best to muffle your noises as Mattheo pushed deeper and deeper, pausing for a moment once he'd fully seated himself inside your heat, giving you a second to adjust to his thick, throbbing length--his eyes never once left yours, his gaze drilling into you as he assessed your reactions, only breaking the eye contact to press a soft kiss to your forehead.
"So fucking tight...fuck-you feel so fucking good..." Mattheo growled lowly, his voice thick with lust--your walls clenching and relaxing around him simultaneously. "Such a good girl, Raven...feel yourself adjust for me, baby."
His voice had a hypnotic effect on you, calming your racing heart and making you focus solely on the feelings coursing through your body. The pain was gone, a mere figment of your imagination as you revelled in the closeness of your bodies, his hot skin on yours, breathing eachother in, your mind reeling with the thoughts of this being the last time--something you'd both said many times before.
But for some reason, this time felt different. This time felt real.
"Fuck me, Matty..." you whispered, nails digging into his back as if trying to anchor yourself to this moment, to him. "Fuck me like you're going to lose me."
"Fuck...am I, Raven?" Mattheo groaned in response, meeting your eyes with an intensity that took your breath away, slowly beginning to increase his pace to your desires. "Am I going to fucking lose you?"
Mattheo's thrusts became harder and more aggressive as his movements grew more frenzied, his mind getting lost in the haze of lust swirling between you. The sounds of his skin slapping against yours filled the room, matching the sound of his heavy breathing, a whirlwind of emotions coursing through the air.
"N-no, Matty..." you choked, feeling the pleasure building within you like a storm waiting to break. It was almost too much, and you found tears on the verge of exploding from your fucking eyes. "You couldn't...even if you tried..."
"Fuck...I know..." he hissed, the words forced through gritted teeth as he met your eyes, your nails certainly splitting the skin on his back, shredding it raw. "I always know exactly how you feel when I'm deep inside you like this...those eyes don't fucking lie..."
You gasped, the words unable to form as Mattheo pulled out almost completely before slamming back in, hitting that deep place inside your body that made you cry out in toe-curling pleasure. His face was twisted into an intense frown, growling in concentration as he fucked you harder, faster, hitting places you didn't know possible.
"You love this cock, don't you?" Mattheo growled, knowing full well the answer. "You're so fucking wet for me."
"Oh...yes, I do-" you squealed, burying your reddened face back into the crook of his shoulder, pleasure ricocheting through every ounce of your body as his fingers slid down your stomach, quickly teasing over your clit. "Fuck-Matty...oh..."
"You want to cum for me, pretty girl?" he growled, nibbling at your earlobe as he shifted his position, drilling deeper into you. "Let me feel you..."
"I-I want..." the words wouldn't form. Nothing would articulate inside your brain. Yes, you wanted release, but that's not what you were trying to say here. You wanted him, you wanted this, you wanted all of it, never to end. But as he swirled your clit with rough, aggressive strokes, your brain was mush, succumbing to nothing but his touch. "I-I want you...in...I-"
"I'm in you, Raven..." a grunt when he slammed into you--his voice tight, strained, almost pained, lips pressed against your temple. "I'm so fucking deep in you..."
Another shift, and he was striking your cervix with every thrust--and the pain was enough to pop the balloon in your chest. Tears streamed down your cheeks, the pending heartache and insecurity finally breaking through the dam of emotions you had kept bottled up for months. The weight of it all was too much, overwhelming you in a tidal wave of despair. Mattheo's movements remained unyielding, his pace unfaltering, but he was swift to kiss away your tears, his own breath hitched in anticipation of the climax that was about to consume both of you.
"Oh-fuck...Matty..." only a few more thrusts, and you were there, teetering right on the edge of coming undone. “Oh…”
He growled. “Cum for me angel…fuck-“
"Yes-yes, fuck..." you keened, dragged through your climax without question, euphoria tearing through you as your walls pulsed and milked his cock.
He groaned, gripping you tighter as he poured himself into you, hips bucking until the only sensation left was sweaty, heaving, post-orgasmic rapture. And despite that, you held each other, unwilling to move, unwilling to let the other person leave the safety of the embrace.
It was a long moment--long after your breathing had returned to normal, long after you'd both dripped sweat onto each other's skin--before he moved, rolling off of you, gaze roaming your figure. You wiped your damp cheeks with the back of your hand, not daring to make eye contact with him as the two of you slowly began to redress, an awkward silence filling the air.
After both of you had regained modesty, Mattheo’s eyes locked onto yours, his unspoken emotions echoing in the intensity of his gaze. Without uttering a single word, he pulled you into him, his arms enveloping your body, holding you with a grip that felt as if he never wanted to let go, suffocating your lungs in the best way possible. As his hand moved to cup the back of your head, his fingers intertwining into your hair, you felt his throat bobbing against your temple as he swallowed, his vulnerability laid bare in the gentle caress of his touch.
“That girl,” his voice was a low murmur, as though he feared shattering the fragile moment, “she asked me to the masquerade this weekend…I said no.”
You chewed your cheek, your fingers clinging onto his shirt with force, your voice trembling as you responded, “You should go...it might be good to redirect the attention off of us…your friends seem suspicious.”
“Oh, they are…” he chuckled, his hand absentmindedly petting your hair, his touch comforting and reassuring. “But I told Nott to ask you, and only Nott, so if any of the others approach you about it, let me know.”
Your cheeks burned at the revelation, his laughter vibrating through your body, your heart skipping a beat in response. “You told Nott to ask me to the masquerade? Why?”
“He’s the only one I trust not to be a fucking pig,” he replied, his tone flat and honest. “Pretty sure Zabini or Malfoy would try to get you under them before the night even started.”
You huffed, a smirk playing on your lips as you pressed against his chest. Taking a moment to revel in his scent, his cologne, his body heat.
“Is this really it for us, Mattheo?” you murmured, your voice laced with a hint of desperation. “I mean…am I just supposed to be your friend, now? Your mentor? Your tutor?”
“Maybe we just take a break, hm?” he suggested, his voice dropping, his gaze softening as he met your eyes. “Maybe just until the suspicion dies off…until we both have had some time to cool down.”
“I…okay,” you said, your eyelids fluttering as he released you, the weight of the situation sinking in. “I can work with that.”
The acceptance in your voice was laden with bittersweet resignation, a temporary reprieve in the face of an uncertain future.
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Chapter 24->
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acotarxreader · 5 months
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High Lord of Game
Azriel x Reader
Synopsis: Cassian and Azriel use a simple competition to decide who deserves the title of High Lord of Game, but at what cost to you?
Warnings: Light smut, males being males
A/N: I hope you enjoy this, my first fic away from my beloved Shadow and Flame. I described this once as "silly goofy" but I was sleep-deprived and I'm no longer sure if that fits it best. Let me know what you think!
If you would like to be added to a general tag list please let me know as I didn't want to tag those who asked to be tagged on Shadow and Flame because I was unsure if that was just for that series
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“Az, give it over, I am the High Lord of Game” 
“Don’t flatter yourself Cass” Azriel shoved his best friend across the path as they walked through the streets of Velaris, Winter coming to a head . 
“Rhysand would agree with me” “Fine, you're the biggest whore” Azriel laughed, Cassian feigning offence, striding toward the city centre. 
“I think I should wear the crown of High Lord”
“Do I sense a coup amongst my friends?” Rhysand winnowed in between the two, both laughing at the idea.
“Azriel believes he is High Lord of the Game when we all know it's me” Rhysand rolled his eyes nearly from his head at the prospect. 
“Surely I am High Lord, I have a mate, therefore I've won the game” silence followed before both Illyrains locked eyes behind Rhysand, both then shoving him forward laughing. 
“Don’t depress us while we have our competition Rhys”
“That's it, a competition! Az, I will choose a female for you to pursue and you for me, that will decide it once and for all” Rhysand shook his head side to side gently, happy to have Feyre but ever so slightly missing his single days, the thought dissolving almost instantly as he saw Feyre come out of her gallery laughing with another Fae. 
“It's a deal” “A deal” the two shook hands, Rhysand rolling his eyes again. 
“Right, that female there Cass, off you go” Azriel pointed to a fae he recognised, Cass not taking a second glance overly confident as always. He sauntered over to the fae sipping lemonade at a table outside a cafe. 
“Wait isn't that-” Rhysand was cut off by Azriel laughing at Cassian and the Fae. In one swift movement, the female sloshed her full drink up and into Cassian's face before standing and storming off. Both Azriel and Rhysand were doubled over howling as Cassian stomped over soaking wet.
“Unfair, I already slept with her” Cassian scolded his two friends as they tried to gather themselves together again. 
“Oh, you think you’re so funny! Fine, fine, Az your challenge is ... .YN” Azriel and Rhysand immediately stopped laughing, looking towards the Fae Feyre had left, smiling to herself, cracking open a book as Feyre winnowed away. 
“Cass, give Azriel at least a small bit of a chance” 
“Nah, he set me up for failure, his turn” the three stared at you again, flicking through your book.
“Fine, what are the terms?”
“Great, you have until Starfall, that gives you a chance-” Cassian beamed nudging Rhysand “-to bed her and I will crown you High Lord of Game” Azriel took a moment to ponder these words before shaking his wings slightly and striding over in your direction. A little over four months, easy he thought. Azriel hadn’t really ever taken much notice of you before, only hearing of you from Feyre talking about you volunteering with the outreach programmes. He knew she was fond of you but never introduced you to the group, he was unsure why.
“Hello” he gave his best coy smile towards you, no response from you. 
“Hello there” he tried again. No response. Azriel looked over his shoulder to where his brothers stood laughing some distance away. He rolled his shoulders back undeterred and cleared his throat, raising his hand slowly to lower your book from your face.
“Hello YN” you threw him a look through your eyelashes, already over the conversation before it began. Azriel nearly forgot why he stood in front of you, captivated by your eyes.
“Yes?” you raised an eyebrow, Azriels throat completely dried out and he began to cough causing you to scoff lightly before passing him the canteen of water you had in your bag, he politely declined.
“I’m Azriel” he managed with no reply from you. Perhaps this wasn't going to be as easy as he thought. 
“What are you reading YN?” “Why does it matter Shadowsinger?” you almost purred sarcastically, tucking the book into your bag. 
“Just making conversation” Azriel couldn't help but come off as over it, perhaps this wasn't worth the title he’d win but then you smiled at him and he felt all the tiny hairs on his neck stand with excitement. You stood, throwing your bag across your body.
“Well thanks for the sparkling conversation Shadowsinger” you patted his shoulder pushing past him and back into the street. Azriel turned on his heels to face his smug friends. 
*******
For the next two weeks, Azriel made it his mission to show up wherever you did, trying to play it off as the Gods intervention and not his careful planning and reading of Feyre's planner. 
“Are you stalking me, be honest” you whipped around to him one day as you left Rita’s having met Feyre and apparently Azriel, for a drink. 
“One date and I'll leave you alone” “Why?”
“Why not?” you clicked your tongue at him, thinking of the millions of reasons why not and yet you couldn't help but be pulled in his direction, to his magnetic energy.
You agreed and that's when things began to change so rapidly in both of your lives and by the one-month mark you were accompanying him to family dinners and welcomed with such open arms. Azriel had coaxed you out of your self-inflicted solitary confinement but couldn't get you quite to fully engage with his family, still that air of caution lay within you. 
At Feyres birthday dinner Azriel felt it was time to be bold. Something about you, the way you smiled, the way you looked at him, he was becoming putty in your hands, hearing you laugh made him never want to hear anything ever again. Azriel sat next to you at that dinner as he did at every other meal with you, the table’s conversation ebbing and flowing around you both as always, happy to just sit in one another's presence. He couldn't help it, time to be brazen he thought. 
Azriels hand found its way slowly to the top of your thigh, almost afraid as though his touch would hurt you and you'd shatter in his hands. He quickly removed his hand at the feeling of you tensing next to him, internally reprimanding himself. Azriel felt a smile grow on his face as your hand gently unfurled the fist he had made with his hand and interlocked your fingers with his, all without breaking eye contact with whoever was speaking. You were glowing, Azriel thought. 
“I’m sorry to interrupt the party but I must make tracks for home” You gave a smile to the room sometime later, slipping your hand from Azriel again where he instantly missed it.
“I'll walk with you, I could do with the stretch after the meal” You gave a small smile to Azriels words, fetching your jacket. Cassian gave Azriel a coy smirk causing Azriel to send a shadow to knock Cassian's wine into his shirt. You both left River House as Cassian gave out loudly.
You both idly walked down the winding streets of Velaris, entirely comfortable in the silence that surrounded you until you both reached the bottom gate of your small townhouse.
“Well I had a really nice time YN, maybe see you tomorrow” Azriel moved from you, happy to leave it there, not wanting you to feel pushed.
“Wait Az” you reached, catching him by his suit jacket collar, pulling him down to meet your lips. Electricity coursed through Azriel’s veins, electric, he was being electrified by you.
“Well goodbye, see you tomorrow” you pulled suddenly from him, hurried words spoken as you released his collar and moved to run and hide. His turn to catch you by surprise, he almost swept you back to meet his lips again, every nerve buzzing to life, every cell wanting more. 
That set off the whirlwind relationship you both deserved. By February you had both learned to trust one another entirely. He confided in you about his difficult childhood and you about your violent tumultuous previous relationship. In three and a half months you both became inseparable, teaching and taunting one another and so entirely happy whilst taking things slow as you worked through your leftover relationship issues. 
Azriel sat in the booth with his friends, you working late with Feyre one weekend evening.
“So should we be getting you fitted for a crown yet Az?” “What are you talking about?” Azriel laughed, Cassian raising an eyebrow, going to explain before you came into the bar with Feyre, instantly joining the friend group, and pulling Azriel to the bar top with you.
************************
Azriel stood with his brothers in their coordinating gem-tone suits basking in the moonlight of Starfall. You arrived with the rest of the females but Azriel didn’t see any of the others the moment his eyes landed on you. A simple slip dress the silver colour of the very stars that shone above. He found his throat dry out again as it had that very first time he looked into your eyes. You kissed his cheek and smiled, he couldn't quite believe his luck to share this night with you. Azriel took your hand, twirling you while you laughed before escorting you to the dance floor where you stayed for what felt like hours. 
Azriel showed you around The House of Wind, arriving at the balcony of his room as the spirits began to transverse the sky above. You both radiated such pure peace as the sky filled with lights, Azriel caught your hand in his, pulling you into his chest. You leaned up kissing him, the sky illuminated. His hands went to your hips as yours went around his shoulders, deepening the kiss further. 
“I think I’m in love with you Azriel” you said so quietly separating briefly.
“I know I’m in love with you YN” He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before you backed away leading him by the hand back towards his bed. You both kissed there for a moment, growing hungrier and hungrier for one another. Usually, you would have stopped by now, feelings of unresolved trauma in you taking the reins. But not this time.
“Are you okay YN?” you just nodded at him before pulling your slip dress over your head, turning and crawling deeper into the bed, beckoning Azriel with you. He hovered over you, taking you all in, his very own Goddess. He kissed down your neck, checking in with you before removing his own shirt. You traced up the grooves of his abdomen, sending a shiver through his wings as you smiled.
“I wish I could look at you smiling forever” “Maybe you can” he lowered back down to kiss you at your words. 
A screech of rusty hinges being twisted separated you both as the door of Azriels room swung open, a very very drunk Cassian stumbling in. Azriel threw his shirt to cover you, launching himself towards the door. 
“Get out Cass!” “Oh A-zzz I did-n’t know you wer-e in here” he slurred, Azriel catching the door trying to close it in Cassian's face.
“YN- heeeeeey. Oh shit! A-m I interrupting the cr-owning of the High L-ord of Game” a shiver shot down Azriel at these words, he had forgotten. He had totally and utterly forgotten. You pulled your dress back over your head, slipping from the bed almost laughing in confusion.
“What Cassian?”
“It's gonn-a be your weddin-g story! How roman-tic a bet turning in-to lov-e, who’d have though-t it '' The giant Illyrian took another deep sip from his cup, one he definitely didn't need, your laughter coming to a complete halt. 
“Get the fuck out of here Cassian!” Azriel gained the upper hand finally slamming the door in his drunk brother's face. He turned to look at you, sheet white like you’d seen a ghost. You took deep measured breaths, trying to prevent full scale hyperventilation.
“YNN”
“Don’t call me that”
“Please listen to me” you were hurriedly searching for your bag, Azriel had his arms out as though he was trying to stop a wild horse.
“Az-Azriel, was there or was there not a competition or bet or what-the-fuck-ever based around our relationship” you stood before him, wild-eyed, begging and wishing and hoping that what came out of his mouth next would make this all go away.
“Yes…it's why I talked to you that first day- but wait please!” You had pushed past him at these words, straight for the bedroom door, needing out. 
“-But YN then I fell for you! I forgot about the stupid competition! I swear! I promise, please, I need you” your back was to him as he spoke these words, fist around the door handle.
“What you need Azriel is for someone to build your fragile masculinity and I’m sorry but I am not the Fae for you” you whipped the door open, stepping over a passed out Cassian and running down the hallway from the mess. 
************************
A week had passed, Feyre practically forbidding Azriel from seeing you after hearing of the whole ordeal. Azriel still was yet to speak to Cassian but really his anger was mostly at himself. He completely messed up. 
You opened your front door a week after what happened to find Azriel sat at your garden gate. You went to close the door again but he shot towards you.
“Azriel” you glared.
“Please speak to me YN” you sighed, closing the door on him, not ready for it all.
“I'll wait here for you! I’ll wait forever for you” he sat back down on the step and there he stayed for almost 48 hours. 
You looked out through your bedroom window at him sitting below in the rain on your doorstep. You sighed before heading down the stairs, opening the door and staring down at the soaked Illyrian. 
“Can I please talk to you now?” you sighed at his words, just stepping back from the door beckoning him in. He didn't need to be told twice, darting into your living room. You crossed your arms as you watched him shake the water from his wings. 
“I know you probably have questi-” “Why Azriel? Tell me why! I've been racking my brain for over a week and I can’t figure out why you would do this to me” you raised your voice to him, something you’d never done before to him and it rattled him slightly.
“To build my fragile masculinity” he attempted a joke, gaining a pillow thrown at him by you for him to dodge. 
“Okay, because I am a big Illyrian idiot who had no idea how hard I’d fall for you! I had no idea someone like you would fall for me! I completely just lost all sense of judgement! He practically slumped to the floor, tears brimming in his eyes.
“Are you…are you crying?” you moved slowly towards the slumped Shadowsinger.
“Yes! I completely fucked up so bad YN and I am so beyond sorry for even causing you any ounce of pain!”
“Get up off the floor Az, you're destroying your fragile masculinity” you gave a small smile, reaching out your hand and pulling him to his feet. You sat down on your sofa, still holding his hand, nudging your head to the side indicating for him to sit. He then explained the details of the competition at your request. 
“I know I am the scum of the earth but I promise I totally forgot about it when I started to get to know you and it was beyond the furthest thing from my mind when we…when last week happened” his voice shook at the end of his tale of betrayal.
“I must be crazy” you shook your head side to side.
“No you’re not YN”
“Yes, I am because I believe you” he met your eyes frantically as you rubbed the back of his hand. 
“So you still want to be with me?!” “Yes, stupidly” you half laughed and he matched you.
“But you or Cassian pull anything even close to this shit again and I'll castrate you both and throw you into the river” “I'll lend you the blade to do so” Azriel smiled.
“I love you YNN” “I- I can't say that back right now Az” his heart sank for a moment before he spoke again.
“That’s alright YNN, I love us enough for the both of us anyway” Azriel moved to kiss you in the way he dreamed of since that night.
“Ah ah ah-” you pulled back and shook your finger at him smiling. 
“-Back to hand holding Az” “Okay, great, I can do that” You both sat there for a moment in that familiar comfortable silence you both thought you'd never feel again. 
“Okay that’s enough hand-holding,” you said hurriedly, pushing yourself on top of him to straddle his lap as he sat, kissing him deeply. 
“Thank the Gods” he laughed into the kiss.
“You wouldn't have lasted with just hand-holding anyways” you nudged him.
“Wanna bet?” he grinned, gaining a hand into the chest again before sharing a searing kiss once again.
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russellsppttemplates · 7 months
Text
That’s bullshit if I’ve heard of any (Lando Norris)
Lando finally had enough of seeing you hurt like that
Note: english is not my first language. I've been writing this one for a little bit and today felt like the day to finish it ✨️ this also felt close to home, but good to write it out, too!
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Tw: reader's self-doubt and low self esteem, loneliness, curse words, mentions a bad date with a rude person
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog
"Are you sure you want me to come over?", you asked your best friend over the phone, refusing to accept that he had no better plans for his Friday night now that he was not racing.
"Is this your way of telling me you don't want to come over? Because that's fine, I'll stay in - are you going somewhere though? Like a date?", Lando said over the phoneline.
"Bold of you to assume I would have plans, and with a date nonetheless", you muttered, "all I'm saying is if you have something better to do, you should go do it!", you explained, not wanting to get into the topic too deeply.
"There's nothing better than spending time with my bestfriend! Do you need me to pick you up or do you feel comfortable driving at this time of night?", he wondered, "I'll be there in 10 then", you chatted off, ending the call.
Looking around your room, you found clothes that were both comfortable and presentable in case, with your usual luck, you were pulled over by the police and had to come out of your car.
Lando finally had some time off before the season began and he wanted to spend it with you. While you were usually able to fly out to most of the European races and even travel the long distance to other race tracks, this season you had more responsibilities to juggle between your internship, your studies and your family.
He arranged the pillows on the sofa and brought out your favourite snacks, getting his place ready while occupying the time until you rang his doorbell, walking up to the door so he could let you inside, "hey!", he greeted, excited to finally have you with him after weeks where you both had been busy.
"Hey", you said, nudging his hip slightly with yours as you went to the shoe cabinet, leaving your shoes there and putting on your slippers you kept at his house.
Following him silently to the living room, you watched him sit down as you took in the comfort his place made you feel.
"You're not okay", Lando stated, "I noticed when we were on the phone".
"So this is a pity visit?", you wondered, "That's why you called me over?", you grumbled, feeling the blush erupt on your cheeks along with a little annoyance.
"I never said that! I, I called you and then noticed you weren't okay! Scoot, scoot, I got a tray full of goodies for us to eat", Lando urged, pushing the blanket to the side so you could get in the warm cocoon he created with the soft fabric along with pillows in various shapes and sizes you had insisted he needed to make the place feel more home-y.
"Are you going to talk about what's on your mind or do you want to watch this new show in silence?", he wondered, pointing the remote at the TV.
"I don't want to talk about it, not now anyway", you grumbled, finding your perfect position as you laid against your bestfriend, his arm going around your shoulders as you snuggled your legs under the blanket.
The new show ended up involving a romantic couple which only heightened your feelings. Lately, it was all you could see. Everyone around you seemed to have something romantic going on and they were happy with it. One of your friends was even convinced that she would be proposed to within the next few months, and you were single. Soon enough after you entered these thoughts, they pulled you to questions like why won't people love me? why am I single? what is it that doesn't attract people to me? and the one that you had yet to find a proper answer to, the list becoming too long for your own good am I unlovable?
"Can we watch something else, please?", you asked after debating for a few minutes wether or not you should interrupt, "I'm sorry, but I'm not enjoying it that much", you mumbled.
"That's okay, Y/N, I'll just put on one of our reruns", he smiled, changing the streaming platform and looking for the square on the screen, "if you want to just lay here, that's fine, too", he encouraged.
"At least I'm not alone with my thoughts", you mumbled again, looking at the ceiling as Lando moved his neck to join you, "I'm not sure what you mean, but I'm here for you anyway", he squeezed your hand that found its way to his own.
"It's just, - I've been reflecting? I don't even know if that's the word, but I've been feeling lonely", you blurted, still unsure if you were voicing all of it.
Lando hummed, urging you to continue, "like, I'm craving to have somebody there for me, someone who I know is in my corner, who I feel totally comfortable with. My brother was telling me all about the stuffed bunny his girlfriend asked him to take care off! I want that with someone", you pouted.
Lando tensed, rearranging his position on the sofa to look at you softly as you kept looking at his white ceiling.
"Maybe I should be less opinionated, less vocal about what I think and feel", you mused.
You'd lose your essence, Lando thought as he heard you rant on and on about the traits you wanted to change about yourself.
"Changing something physical is harder, but maybe I can change that, right? Be a bit quieter with what I say, measure my opinions, say yes and agree with things more", you shrugged, shaking the whole thing off of your body, wanting to rid yourself of the thought, "I can't, I won't be able to do that, they'd notice it straight away", you sighed.
As the night went on, Lando quickly changing the subject, you spoke about anything that came to mind until you looked at your watch, "Fuck, it's so late, I have to go", you stood up quickly, bending to pick your slippers up from the floor when he stopped you, "stay in the guest bedroom for tonight. Sleep here", he tried.
"Is it because I said I was lonely? I was just venting it out, you don't need to worry about me being a loner", you tried your best to assure it.
"No, you muppet. I'm doing it because I don't like the idea of you having to drive all the way back at this time of night", he reasoned, getting up himself and walking with you to the guest bedroom.
"Is this still made from the last time I was here?", you wondered, looking at the sheets.
"I made it before you came here! And I've washed the sheets, thank you very much. You have a fresh bed to sleep on", he smiled charmingly.
"Thanks", you smiled back, grabbing the clothes you usually wore to sleep when you stayed over from the drawer, "those have been washed, too", he pointed, "if you need anything, I'm in my usual spot", he winked, "Good night, Y/N, sleep tight!".
"Thanks for this", you gestured, "Good night, Lando", you said before he saluted you playfully, closing the door behind him.
Using the ensuite for your night routine, you changed into the shorts and Lando's t-shirt, noticing that all of the washes had made it smell less of his cologne and more of the scented fabric softener he uses.
The t-shirt fit snug against your hips, embracing your curvy body as you got under the sheets, letting the weight of them lull you to sleep and slow down your thoughts.
.
Lando was driving to a restaurant he knew well enough. He had had a few dates there before, one team dinner and a few family birthdays too whenever they were in town.
But right now, he was picking you up. From a date that apparently wasn't going well since he got a text from you asking him to pick you up.
"Hey, gorgeous girl", he said once he opened the car window as he parked in front of the restaurant, thankful that it wasn't too busy and no one seemed to notice or care that he was there.
"Thanks for picking me up", you mumbled as you sat down, pulling on your seatbelt and nothing your bestfriend's gaze on you, silently questioning you.
"He was an asshole", you explained, "kept asking me if I was sure of what I was doing, if I knew any Formula One drivers - don't worry, didn't out anything - and then he just kept being rude to me, to the waiter, who was wonderful by the way".
"I didn't mean him. I don't care about him, I care about you", Lando said, driving back to his place, assuming you'd want to have someone close by that wouldn't ask too many questions.
"It was just another one where it didn't go well", you mumbled, letting your head rest on the window and looking out at the lights illuminating the city.
"Do you want to go to my place?", Lando asked, knowing you wouldn't want to be pushed about the subject, "yes, please", you said.
As soon as you got inside his place, you took your shoes off, walking up to the spare bedroom to leave your bag in there, "thank you for picking me up, you're the best, Lando", you smiled as you rested against the door frame.
"No worries, okay? Sleep tight, I have good plans for tomorrow so this will be out of your mind", he smiled a small one.
"Night night, Lando", you said back, closing the door behind you and letting the tears finally fall.
It was horrible. The way he treated other people should have been the first clue and red flag, but somehow it still surprised you how he conducted the whole date. You weren't expecting a prince or a gentleman, but you expected human decency and it turns out you were not afforded that. He kept leaving snarky comments about his exes. He was rude, sexist and definitely not your type, and after splitting the bill, you informed him that someone would come to pick you up.
Could someone be unlovable? Not worthy of love to the point where anyone they attracted to their presence just wasn't a match and they had to be content with the bare minimum?
Splashing some water on your face and wiping it with the towel, you took one good look in the mirror. It looks like it's going to be you for a while, so you might as well get used to it, Y/N.
.
When morning rolled around, Lando was the first to wake up, getting ready and heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the two of you. He wanted to make something special, because even though you had your tough shell on yesterday, he knew you were feeling it deeply and painfully.
This quest of yours was doing you more harm than good. And it wasn't helping him either. For a few years, Lando figured, he has loved you. At first, it wasn't a clear sentiment. You were best friends, obviously there was a deeper connection. But then it felt so much all the time, there was never a break for the butterflies on his stomach or for the jealous green eyed monster whenever you so much as mentioned anyone else. He wouldn't dare say it, but he's so glad your date last night sucked.
As he prepared your coffee, your footsteps approached, "Good morning", you croaked out. You looked like you hadn't slept well, which Lando figured was a given considering the heard you move a lot during the night.
"Good morning, I made this for you. The balcony had nice sunlight right now, I figured you'd enjoy breakfast there", he attempted, bringing a small smile to your lips as you thanked him for the mug, "I'll bring the rest shortly", he called.
As you looked out to the always busy streets, you took in their quickness and rush. How it was all fleeting and momentary.
Lando placed the tray on the table, arranging it so you both could reach everything.
"I heard you crying last night", he began, his fist clenched at the memory as he sat down.
"I'm fine", you shrugged.
"I don't think you are, and I don't want you to suffer, Y/N", he insisted, unusually bold considering he knew which territory he was stepping into.
"It's not easy to come to terms with the fact that I'm single and that it might look like that for a bit, and who even knows how long that 'bit' might actually be", you chuckled, looking at him expecting his understanding gaze but being face with furrowed brows instead along with a scoff. "What? It's not like I'm being unreasonable, I'm just stating the facts", you squinted.
"That's not how it works, and you know that Y/N", he sternly spoke, straightening his back and facing you completely.
It was your time to laugh and scoff a little, "unless something changes within me, I'm sure this is how I'll find myself in the foreseeable", you shock your head.
"All of those things you want to change about yourself? Or that you say you should change to make you more likeable and lovable? That's dimming your light and your spark", Lando bit back, having had enough of it, "if someone loved you after all of those changes, they wouldn't love you for who you are, they would love a fabricated version of you. You're not unlovable", he smiled at the irony of it all. How after all these years, he still hadn't plucked up the courage to tell you how he felt about you.
"How can you say that when you have everyone falling at your feet? Women see you and they're ready to have anything you'll give them! You don't have to change who you are because someone made you feel like you couldn't be loved because of who you are and what you do!", you bit back, sensing a tone in him that was unusual and certainly not comfortable.
“I just need to know who the fuck told you you don’t deserve to be loved, because I’m about to beat their asses up", Lando called, elbows supported on the chair's arms as he looked at you.
"No one's ever told me, I'm probably the one saying it to myself, the rest of the people just make me feel like I'm unlovable, so if you want to hit me, I would prefer you didn't, I bruise quite easily", you tried to joke, not wanting to let your mind wander to the parallel utopian reality where your bestfriend feels the same way about you.
"Then it's all the people that made you feel unloved", Lando said, "none of them deserved a second of your attention, but I can give them a second of mine just for that".
“That’s a lot of people you’re gonna have to beat up, then, and I’m not sure if I want to bail you out of jail for that. We can't all have full bank accounts like yours", you joked again, watching him as he kept on with the subject.
"Stop joking about this! I'm being serious with you, Y/N! You deserve all of the love in the world - and even that wouldn't be enough!", he got up.
“Please, I think we have both realised and reached the conclusion that maybe I’m just not meant to be loved", you added.
“That’s bullshit if I’ve heard of any! No one’s not meant to be loved. There’s someone out there for you, and I think I’ve made it clear that, if it’s really not anyone else, then that someone’s me”, he stopped in front of you. There it was. Out in the open for everyone to hear. His balcony was covered and closed, something he was grateful about as he confessed his love for you.
"You can't joke about this", it was your turn to mention it, getting up as he took your hand in his.
"I'm not, Y/N, I'm really not", he whispered, resting his forehead in yours.
"Kiss me", you pleaded. He was quick to comply to your request, hand cupping your cheek as he tasted the bitter coffee from your lips and felt you unravel to him in a way he didn't think was possible anymore.
"I have loved you for so long, Lando", you whispered once you pulled away for air, "and I couldn't imagine a world where anyone would love me back, let alone you", you admitted, looking into his beautiful orbs.
"You don't have to make any effort to imagine it anymore, baby. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. You're so loved and I'll be damned if I don't show you how much everyday of our lives", he smiled, kissing your lips again as your hands travelled to his messy curls.
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identitty-dickruption · 2 months
Text
alcoholism recovery timeline (as of 69 days of sobriety)
things are different for everyone, but I thought it could be useful for people if I sketch out a rough timeline of withdrawal symptoms/things that are still problems etc now that I'm over two months into recovery. caveat that my body may be different from yours
first few days
your big problem on day number one is getting through whatever hangover you might be experiencing from your most recent bout of drinking
HELL !
headaches. nausea. shaking. flu-like symptoms
the headaches took several days to die down, the nausea was mostly gone after 48 hours
cannot emphasise enough that the biggest problem of the first week is physical recovery. if things start to get scary, go to emergency. some people can experience seizures in withdrawal, and that can get dangerous
first few weeks
mood-swings. goddd the mood-swings. terrible
some of the longer-term withdrawal symptoms are going to start to be more obvious around this point
examples: clumsiness, nerve problems (e.g. the shakes won't go away), changes in appetite
it is at this stage that you want to establish some kind of routine around the times that you usually would be drinking. e.g. if you used to have your first drink at 7:30am, that is now Going For a Walk Time
you will learn just how strong your mental associations are between booze and various activities. the hard bit is breaking those associations. which is easier if you have replacements
around about one month
this is. a commonly reported danger-time
for me, and for others I've talked to, one month is around the time you start to think "hmm it can't have been that bad. surely I can just have a couple of drinks?" <- it was that bad. trust
this is the time when it can be good to start to take stock of what you've gained from sobriety. remember why you're doing it. have some positive reasons as well as the negative ones (e.g. sobriety makes me feel more comfortable in my body, more secure in my relationships, etc)
the other thing that can happen at this point is. the reasons you drank in the first place coming back in full force. this is the point where I went from "quitting alcohol" to "recovery from alcoholism"
around about two months
from here, I've mostly found it's about maintenance of the good habits I established early in recovery. this means reminding myself of why it's important to be keeping those habits going
the thing is. the tangible benefits might now be plateauing, so you need to make sure you're able to find ways to motivate yourself to keep going
if you're feeling comfortable to do so, it might be a good idea to test yourself a little bit. where it was a good idea to avoid bars in the first month, you might be okay to go back to those environments with your new coping strategies (just remember to give yourself an out)
you will keep learning about yourself and you will gain awareness of all sorts of triggers that weren't immediately obvious at first. as long as you stay vigilant and you know who to turn to in a crisis you will be okay. trust me <3
okay that's kind of where I'm at now. hope it helps. luck and love to all recovering alcoholics out there
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angel-of-the-moons · 4 months
Text
Desert Heat
Alpha!Cooper Howard x Fem!Omega!Reader
TW/CW: Smut, NSFW, Omegaverse AU, Chem usage, Chems, Heat cycles, Rough Sex, Sex-pollen, Dub-con, Dirty talk, Dacryphilia, Needy!Reader, Oral sex (m + f), Cumming untouched, Biting, Marking, Breeding kink, Knotting, Unprotected Sex, Creampie (Pack your RadAway, kids!)
MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME
A/N: Blame @hydraliskisk for this one lmaoooo (And no, I still haven't seen the show... I can't find the time to sit down and relax enough to do it at home) Honestly? No idea what else to say, except I've never written Omegaverse stuff before this, so it was all new to me! This felt like a fever dream 😭 Enjoy this dumpster fire!
Taglist: @anna-n-hetfield
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Cooper found himself grinding his teeth yet again, for the millionth time that day as he rooted about the ruins of the little rural neighborhood. He was on edge; his puckered and scarred skin itching beneath the surface, like the bad come-down from a fucked up chem.
He had another argument with you, his "lovely" little traveling companion; the third in the past two days. You had been getting increasingly temperamental. He had to guess you were going through withdrawal; your favorite particular tin case of "Fixer" was empty, so he assumed your newfound testiness was a result of that situation.
But Jesus fucking Christ, you were a bitchy little Beta, weren't you? Certainly had bite when you got pissed off. It'd be cute, if you weren't such a thorn in his side, at the moment.
He kicked over an empty wooden box, frowning at the long-since spoiled jars of preserved fruits and vegetables, his jaw working itself hard with a rough click.
He hoped your search was more fruitful than his own; your supplies were on the iffy side in terms of food and he knew that as a ghoul, he didn't need to eat as often as you did anymore. But you were still smooth and (as far as he knew) un-mutated, so all of your biological needs still needed to be tended to.
It was an irritating hassle, but he couldn't deny how scrappy and useful you were in terms of scavenging and watching his back so he could get sleep when he wanted it--thankful you were also a crack shot thanks to being born out here in the wastes.
Once again, his gloved hand scratched at his neck as he moved on to another house, ready to search for food, water, and Chems, if need be, too. Some Rad-X and RadAway were worth more than water to him, at this point...
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You hated this.
Hate, hate, absolutely, unequivocally despised the situation you'd accidentally backed yourself into. You were hoping to keep your secret for as long as possible; but during your travels monitoring your Fixer stash had been almost an afterthought. You took one to one-and-a-half daily, carefully stretching your stash for as long as possible.
You knew your one-month pause in your doses was coming, and you were hoping to get away from Cooper long enough to take care of your problems on your own; but that wasn't feasible given how far out in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere you found yourselves in.
You had resisted the urge to hunker down as long as possible... But your instincts were firing on full-blast.
Your heat suppressants had worn off. And Cooper, unfortunately... Well. He was the only Alpha nearby, and you knew he'd figure it out at some point. You just didn't want him to find out so soon; all because of your shitty planning.
Your feet dragged through the rotting aisles of the small general store, barely paying attention and swiping whatever looked good enough to take into your satchel, some dented cans of unopened cram, a few preserved boxes of stale snack cakes...
You were so out of it, you hadn't even noticed how your hands had begun unwrapping the sweet morsels and eating through the meager rations you'd scrounged up. After swallowing the last cake you had unwrapped, you stuffed them into your bag and willed yourself to stop focusing on them and drank greedily from your canteen.
Fuck. You were already stuffing yourself. You knew what would inevitably come next...
You swallowed hard and returned to your task of scavenging; managing to find a box of .38 rounds, some cans of emergency ration water, and even a small stash of caps that you pocketed to divide later, when you were more in your right mind.
Your eyes, however, lit up when you spotted a cluster of prickly pear growing beneath a blown-out window, the fruit running in mixes ranging from green to mauve to a deep, almost bloody-purple shade. Perfect.
You slipped on your rawhide gloves to protect yourself from the thorns and glochids sticking out so menacingly from the skin of the fruit. As you twisted and plucked each treat from the source, you set each one down in a cracked ceramic bowl lying nearby. You'd need to run them over a flame to burn off the microscopic needles before you could skin and eat them; but right now you were only partially thinking about that.
A shimmer caught your eye, a flower growing at the base of the cactus. The petals were vibrant pink. It almost looked like a Venus flytrap, in the way the spindly, velvety tendrils opened and closed, the stalk expanding in a way that made you think the plant was almost breathing.
You tilted your head, your pre-heat daze almost forgotten as your attention was grabbed by this mutated, alien-looking plant. Despite everything else, even in regards to the thriving cactus it sprouted at the feet from... it was a bright and vibrant green as well, happily nourished in the dry earth within the ruined building. The bright splash of color mixed with the undulating petals were transfixing to your addled state.
Forgetting caution above all else, your fingers began to clasp around the stalk of one of the flowers to pluck it, to examine it closer. But as you did that, the flower had lurched in a way that looked like it was about to vomit.
You fell back onto your butt as it spat out a shimmery cloud of pollen into your face. It burned and tickled your nose as you inhaled, waving your hand in front of your face frantically to clear the air, sputtering and coughing around the choking dust as you wiped your eyes and face, looking at the thin chalky substance that was transferred onto your glove.
And, within the span of a few moments... it was like everything else just... didn't matter. Your goals of scavenging were tossed out of your mental window, your body's reaction like a wildfire in dry brush.
Your brain was buzzing, your instincts overriding your common sense as you stand up and walk away from the bowl of fruit. You raipped off your bag your bag and only half paid attention to the sound of the tin cans clattering and ammo tinkling as it spilled out, the weight of the leather strap had rapidly been becoming more and more uncomfortable, your clothes beginning to feel like sandpaper on your skin.
A bead of sweat trickled down between your shoulder blades, and you shuddered. Your eyes looked around almost frantically. You needed somewhere safe, your instincts screamed mercilessly.
And, by the grace of whatever kind of omniscient being that was up in the sky, you found a basement.
It looked like whoever owned the store had refitted it into some kind of shelter. Or, hell, maybe it was used by some scavver before you had traipsed along. Whatever it had been used for, you didn't care, it was yours now.
It had a bed, a couch, some more supplies half-assedly stacked on a rickety table... your eyes adjusted to the dark, the only source of light you had was the light bleeding from the open basement door, and the faintly glowing mushrooms that sprouted from the basement walls in thick clumps.
The logical part of your brain identified the fungi; you could use them to make RadAway with the supplies you had on hand. Another part of your logic had told you something crucial--that plant; whatevert it was, had spat out a cloud of pollen that had all but skipped your pre-heat, only just barely leaving your basic instincts to nest, and the overwhelming craving to be pinned down to the nearest surface and fucked until you were round with somebody's pups.
The rest of your mind was spiraling so quickly you felt like you were drunk; cramps rippling through your lower half impeded your progress as you ripped the threadbare blankets and cushions off of the couch, piling them on top of the mattress you'd tossed to the floor from the rusted metal frame it had been laid on, pushing them up into a corner that felt the most secure and least exposed, trying to make it as comfortable as possible.
Your clothes had become drenched with your sweat, the crotch of your pants and underwear all but ruined by your excess slick. You growled and grunted as you tugged them off, kicking the offending garments away and sighing in relief at the cool, damp air hitting your hot skin.
Another shudder rippled through you as you felt another wave of cramps hit your abdomen; your pussy fluttering with needy want, making you whine loudly as you pant, crawling back up the stairs to slap the door closed.
You needed to ride this out. Somehow.
The next few days were going to be hell.
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Cooper clicked his tongue, spitting out the dry reed he'd begun chewing on as his boots kicked up dust, the rusty spurs tinkling with every step as he made his way to the last place you could possibly be--the ruined general store.
He had to admit, this little place would make a good settlement. He couldn't help but wonder why it hadn't been settled. The river that had--by a chance of dumb luck--kept flowing had allowed the land to grow a steady clump of greens and browns. Cacti and Joshua trees littered the area, more than a few large agave plants had overgrown the smaller walkways; their prickly limbs reaching out like the epicenter of a pale green explosion.
He chuckled at his mental comparisons. Ironic.
But he pushed that thought to the side; he had observed a small flower of some kind. A pair of lizards he'd planned to catch and eat had skittered up to it, drawn by the lure of fat insects buzzing around the flower for a nice meal for themselves.
He watched as one of the little critters had crept closer, preparing to lash its tongue out to snag one of the fat, fluttering bugs. But as it did, the flower lurched, belching a cloud of pollen at it that made the lizard hiss; thrashing briefly in the sand as its companion crawled over to examine its friend.
The male--oh, he was certain it was a male--lifted its head after a moment, the throat sack beneath his throat puffed up, turning a bright shade of red. A mating display, he realized.
Cooper had watched with slight interest; remembering, once-upon-a-time, of a nature documentary he'd watched with his daughter, Janey, of desert lizards. This sort of thing was the closest form of entertainment he had during his traveling, reminding him with a dull throb of nostalgia and grief at the life he had lost, before.
His thoughts were pulled back to the now, as he watched the male lizard chase his female companion around, until he assumed, he tackled her beneath a rocky crag somewhere to mate with her. He'd snorted, reminding himself to steer clear of those flowers.
Getting hot and horny could be a death sentence, out in the wasteland. You could be so caught up in the moment, you could get snuck up on and offed in the middle of the night; your supplies picked from your carcass by who-knows-who...
And he wasn't looking to have his card punched with his cock in hand. That just wasn't a good way to go out.
Cooper's dark eyes lifted up, clicking his tongue at the lilted sign of the shop, stepping over the bleached wood of the door that had long since rotted off its hinges.
The setting sun had put a damper in his plans. He'd wanted to find you and get out of the proverbial ghost town before the darkness had set in. Something about these old buildings had him uncomfortable.
His gloved finger snagged the collar of his faded shirt, tugging on it as he hissed out a heavy sigh. Why was it so fuckin' hot in here? The fuck smelled so... sweet?
His finger pulled the hammer back and his thumb flicked the cylinder release as he crept along the rotting shelves. He'd called out your name once. Upon receiving no answer, his brow furrowed.
"Darlin', now ain't the time to be playing in the dark." Cooper growled, his eyes scanning the shop for any signs of you.
In the setting sunlight, his eyes caught the glimmer of one of your buckles of your satchel. He quickly rushed over to where it had been tossed--maybe in some kind of tussle--and frowned. It was full of freshly scavenged supplies. Guns, ammo... your favorite chem tin.
As his eyes gave a passing scan to your empty tin, his gaze lifted to the cactus you'd been harvesting, the bowl of fruit laying untouched since you'd picked it.
What remained of his nose twitched; your scent was everywhere, tainted with the strangling-sweet smell clinging to the dust in the air. He couldn't pick up anybody else's around, so that ruled out you getting into a fight. So the question remained the same--where were you?
He holstered his pistol when he examined the cactus closer, frowning as the strange plant from before twitched and swayed on its own, lurching and grabbing flies that got too close to the petals of the flower. Cooper grunted, looking down to the dented metal tin still clutched in his hand.
His heart had almost skipped out of his chest as he finally bothered to examine the writing scrawled on the tin in proper detail; among your little scratches and scribbles was the name of the chem it contained.
It wasn't just regular Fixer. It was Heat-Fixer. A common variation of the chem that had been used even before the Great War to ward off an Omega's heat cycles as long as they took it regularly and in safe doses. He remembered once, being in Anchorage and it was revealed that one of his comrades in his unit was an Omega; he explained what exactly the Fixer did to his team over a lull in combat one night.
And you currently had an empty tin.
An empty tin of heat-supressants, coupled with the strange pollen of that flower... it wasn't a good combination for an Omega to be caught out in the middle of nowhere while in heat, not when someone could so easily stumble upon you and take advantage of your crazed and sex-hungry state.
No wonder you had been so snappy and irritable. No wonder you had been so anxious and ready to go to the next town, to hunker down there for a few days. He had assumed you were just being spoiled, wanting to pamper yourself somehow from the tough life on the road.
Now, he realized, you had been hoping to shut yourself in somewhere, to hide the mutated elephant you tried to smuggle into the room. Oh, yeah... he'd have a long talk with you once all this was over with.
"Fuckin' hell, darlin'." He muttered, shaking his head, his jaw clenched tight as he tossed it back into your bag, slinging it over his bandolier as he continued his search for you.
Your scent had him almost dizzy, he had even stumbled over his own feet once or twice as he looked for you. He knew Omegas had some strong instincts; he knew from experience you were going to look for somewhere safe to ride this out, to try and take care of yourself.
But on the off-chance something else had happened to you... Cooper had inwardly cursed at himself for being so worried. You were sometimes a little naive, believing in the best of the worst of people that had been a part of your tribal-turned-civilized home where he'd found you.
You had been an outcast even among your own tribe, most likely smothering your Omega nature by sneaking off under the guise of "scavenging" during your heats and the suppressants you were taking to mask it all.
Aside from finding out you were an Omega, not a Beta like you'd claimed, Cooper had felt a bit of kinship with you in how you were ostracized for how you were, maybe even a bit towards your naive hope that the best in humanity could one day resurface despite everything around you staring you in the face and screaming otherwise...
His mouth had become dry and he swallowed hard, his tongue practically choking him. It felt like he had a wad of cotton in his mouth despite the saliva that had begun to accumulate. The identity of your scent had finally dawned on him. The familiar, comforting scent of something akin to an apple pie; something he hadn't had in a very, very long time. And the idea he might be able to taste it again had consumed a part of his brain.
Your pheromones had all but tainted the stale air inside the small structure; if he still had any hair, it would have been standing on end as each drag of air coated his lungs in everything that was you.
Fuck, you smelled delicious. Good enough to eat.
Cooper gritted his teeth once more, briefly reaching down to press his palm into the rather pressing erection that had become prominently bulged in his old worn trousers. His own Alpha instincts had stirred; they had been almost dormant for so long, he'd almost forgotten them.
But right now, every one of his senses had picked up you. A sweet, perfect little Omega, writhing somewhere on your own and waiting to be bred. He shuddered at his train of thought; reminding himself that he was looking for you to make sure you were okay... to... to make sure you were safe, and to--what was he thinking, again?
Fuck. Right. He was going to find you, and stand guard around wherever you'd nested up and just wait for it to pass. Lecture you when it was over.
But as he crept along the ruined store, he had to stop and slump against a wall, his eyes rolling at the smell permeating the air, your pheromones flooding his bloodstream like the sweetest chem he'd had in a long, long time.
Cooper had managed to drag one foot after the other to find the basement door. Your scent rolled from the wood like the smoke to a powerful fire. You were down there, alright.
And against his better judgement, Cooper twisted the rust old knob and took the first step down, pulling out his old--and by-miracle still functioning--wind-up flashlight, he flicked the switch and walked down, his eyes tracking the glowing fungi that lined bits of the basement walls with a bit of giddy euphoria.
"Cooper..." He'd heard you croak out.
He spun on his heels, the beam of his light eventually turning onto you.
His heart had jumped up into his throat as he took you in; your frantically-made nest, the barriers you'd built between you and the rest of the room... the bare, sweaty skin that glistened in the torchlight he held in his hand.
He shook his head as another wave of your pheromones blasted him full-force. Fuck. What the hell had he been thinking? Oh. Right. He hadn't been thinking. He let his dick do the walking and find you, like some sex-crazed punk Alpha just coming into his nature.
"Cooper." You said again, your pupils blown so wide he almost couldn't see the color of your irises as you looked at him with your hooded gaze, your lips looking all to plush and swollen as you licked at them.
"Darlin', you..." He swallowed hard, his hard cock already bordering on painful, sweat beginning to soak through his shirt beneath his leather duster as his breathing increased.
"Help me. Please." You whined, sitting up more as you crawled over the nest of blankets towards him as your tongue ran over your teeth, your hips swaggering with each movement; reminding him of the scene in a shitty porno magazine he read as a younger man.
"Need something--"
"Shit. No." Cooper hissed, squeezing his eyes shut as he regained a semblance of some control over himself once again; backing up to the stairs, ready to rush back up them and lock you down here until this was all over.
When the stairs creaked under the weight of his first step, you whined, halting any more movement from him.
"Please." You panted, little whimpers bubbling through from between each syllable as you spoke, "Need help... goin' nuts... need you... please."
Cooper had stupidly snuck a glance at you, standing on your knees and leaning forward slightly in the middle of the dusty floor, one hand roughly groping at your own breast and the other snaking between your legs to roll your clit in time with the lazy thrusts of your hips. It was the sexiest goddamn thing he'd seen in his fucking life; a fresh rush of arousal making his cock throb.
"Help me." You whined, your eyes watery and needy as your gazes locked in the darkened space.
His eyes rolled back into his head and Cooper growled, his chest tightening at how you whined once more in submission to him. His feet stomped across the room, and he set his light down on the table enough to illuminate some of the room; namely you.
"Needy little fuckin' Omega," Cooper had spat as he ripped off his excessive bulk. Your bags joined his on the table, the contents scattering across the surface as his bandolier was tossed on top of it all alongside his guns.
"You been thinkin' about getting fucked all day, haven't ya?" He sneered as he tugged his gloves off with his teeth, dropping them as he moved back towards you.
You leaned into his touch as one of his hands cupped your cheek, eyes fluttering closed as he used his other hand plucked the buttons on the collar of his shirt free; his dark eyes taking in your soaked and aroused state as your hand between your legs continued to furiously rub and pinch at yourself for any stimulation--to ease that growing ache in your cunt.
The rough and scarred pad of his thumb swept a desperate tear from your cheek as he spoke; "A needy little bitch in heat, ain'tcha? Fuck, what if it wasn't me that came lookin' for ya?" His hand went from gentle to rough, squishing your cheeks between his fingers as he forced you to look up to him, his lips curling up into a snarl. "Bet at this point you'd go and bend over for any wasteland fuck coming along to bury their cock in you, probably fuck some pups into ya."
Your mouth opened in a breathy little moan, your eyes almost fluttering closed once again as he continued. "Well, fuck that. I ain't letting no fucking scavver take what's mine, got it?"
Your eyes immediately went to his crotch when his free hand roughly worked free his belt buckle, ripping his button open and fly down to free his throbbing cock to you, your mouth watering and your pussy flooding at the premise of him just burying himself inside of you and staying there.
"Now, given all the trouble you've been causin' me... I'm tempted to not give you my cock, got it?" He huffed, looking down at you from the remnants of the bridge of his nose, a sick sense of pride swelling his ego at how your eyes grew wide and panicked; like you were a junkie denied their next fix, so gone in withdrawal you thought you were going to die.
Cooper laughed at you as tears gathered in your eyes at his threat, your pretty little lip wobbling. He could almost hear your heart pound in the sweet little chest of yours. He squished your cheeks once again to snap you out of it, groaning as his hand gripped the base of his cock. "But you've got me in a bit of a state, babydoll." He drawled. "So..."
He tapped the tip of his scarred and gnarled cock to your lips, and grunted when you immediately curled your tongue underneath the tip, sucking him past your plush lips with a loud and grateful moan.
"...you're gonna suck me reeeal good... and maybe, if you're a good girl, you'll get it all, got it?"
You moaned again as you took him deeper, your tongue curling around his shaft as your head moved further down his length, gagging around him as you try to take too much too quickly.
Cooper fisted your hair and yanked you back, his gravelly voice tumbling out of him as he looked down at you, a warning in his eyes. "Don't push yourself, cupcake. Take what you can. I'd hate for you to choke on my cock before I've had a chance to fuck you with it."
You nodded drunkenly, immediately moving to take him into the wet cavern of your mouth once again with loud slurping sounds as you bobbed your head, your fingers rolling your clit in time with the bob of your head and the cant of your hips. Cooper ran his fingers through your hair, petting you as he watches you return to your task with feverish need.
"That's it, babydoll... fuck. You been thinkin' about this for some time, huh? Havin' somebody let you take their cock in your mouth?" He laughed, his voice going tight as you moaned in reply.
"Shit--that's it! Fuck..."
Cooper's heart was pounding in his chest as he feels your tongue swirl the tip of his cock. It had been too damn long since he'd had a good fuck; and you were proving to be a goddamn amazing one, so far, if your tongue skills were anything to go by. His hands gripped the back of your head and he started to arch his back, fucking his cock into your mouth with a loud, pleasured sigh. He wasn't going to last long, and he had disregarded his earlier warnings of taking it too quickly as the haze of his building orgasm began to swell as he began to use your mouth for his own pleasure. Not that you minded.
The moment he felt his cock twitch, he grunted, his eyes rolling back.
"Shit, darlin'... get ready."
You whined around his cock, your cunt gushing around your fingers as you plunged them inside, your lashes brushing your cheeks as you eagerly try to taste every drop he was willing to give you.
The first splash on your tongue had you a moaning mess, arousal burning low in your belly and a bubble that had been swelling was ready to burst. Cooper yanked you back by the hair again and gripped his cock, jerking furiously as each hot volley of thick cum coated your face, splashing on your tongue as it lolled out of your mouth; dripping down your chin and onto your breasts.
Cooper chuckled grimly, "Well... that's one way to mark that prettly lil' body of yours."
He quickly swiped his cum off of your face, earning a complaining whine from you until he crammed his fingers into your mouth, letting you suck them clean; tasting him mixed with the dirt, grime, and gunpowder that clung to his skin. His eyes flashed dangerously as he watched you spasm slightly, eyes rolling back; his taste, the sensations he was pushing on your and the sheer forcefulness of his actions making you climax as you moaned around his hand that was all but choking you.
"Look't you. So fuckin' cockdrunk you can't even fuckin' talk." He mocked playfully, pulling his fingers from your lips with a loud pop.
Cooper kneeled down in front of you and grinned, his teeth flashing that signature smile of his as he practically lunged for you; hoisting you over his shoulder and slapping a palm over your ass, fingers dipping into your sweet cunt to toy with the juices that dribbled down your thighs, making you moan obscenely.
He dropped to his knees and rolled you down onto the nest you'd made in the corner, watching with his grin; twisting his scarred face in a look of aroused glee as you laid back and spread your legs for him, showcasing just how badly you needed him.
"Damn, darlin'... got yourself lookin' like a nice glazed snack, for me." He chuckled, beginning to shrug his shirt the rest of the way off, working his pants down his legs as he blindly kicked his shoes off in the dark. "Makes me wanna fuckin' eat ya right up..."
He tipped his head to the side, one of his hands grabbing his hat and tossing it off somewhere out of sight as he exposed more and more of himself to your hungry eyes. "Actually... that ain't a bad idea, heh."
Your hips rolled and you spread your puffy and swollen lips apart for him with a mewl as he lowered himself down onto his belly and elbows, looking up at you with a glimmer in his eyes.
"Now, I ain't gonna just give it to ya, sweetheart... you gotta tell me. Ask me nice."
"Please. Cooper. Please." You pant. "Please, please, please, please please--"
"Now, now..." Cooper warned, reaching up to slap his fingers onto your clit and watching your body jump at the contact. "That's not what I meant."
Your brows furrow down at him, swallowing the saliva that accumulated in your mouth as your brain tries to process what he meant through the red fog your mind was clouded with.
Finally, it clicks.
"Cooper, please..." You mewl loudly. "A-Alpha, please--"
The sound that comes from him makes your mind blank and your body shudder, going almost slack with relief as his lips closed around your weeping cunt, babbling "thank you's" and frantic, almost incoherent words as he gave you a taste of what you'd been craving.
You were veeeery happy it was Cooper that found you. Right now you couldn't imagine anyone else to have between your legs, drinking you down like you were his first taste of water after being stranded in the desert.
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Cooper had laid there for... he didn't even know how long. Tasting you, edging you, biting and nipping your inner thighs, making you cum to the point you felt like you had gone blind had his chest swell with pride and... something else. More than just plain sexual attraction, more than the fact that you were and Omega accepting him as your Alpha right now...
He didn't focus on that too long, shoving those feelings to the back of his mind as he rose to his knees, yanking your quivering hips close to him, his cock slapping your belly as he stared down at you.
"Gonna fuck you now, darlin'. Give you every fuckin' inch of what you've been wanting." Cooper hissed, rolling his cock through your slick folds with a lazy thrust. Your hands reach out to grab at his arms, frantic and wanting as you nodded dumbly, mindlessly.
"Please, please--yes, yes, yes--"
"Easy, now." Cooper chuckled, his voice almost dropping into fondness as his hands gripped and squished your thighs. "Just lay back and let me fuck you like y'need, alright, baby?"
You keen lowly, dropping your head onto one of the pillows as you feel the tip of his cock notch at your waiting hole, your pussy clenching as he pushed in; his pace torturously slow as he sunk himself within your welcoming, tight and wet heat.
He tipped his head back with a pleasured sigh, his voice shaky, as he savored the ecstasy of your body; "Jesus fuck, you feel so damn good... fit me like a glove, sweetheart."
"Fuck me." You mewled, frantically grabbing at whatever bits of him you could to try and urge him on, your legs wrapping around his waist, heels digging into the back of his thighs as you try to encourage him deeper.
Cooper growled at you, leaning down to press his mouth to your ear; "You don't tell me what to fuckin' do. Right now, I'm gonna fuck you so full you're gonna feel like yer gonna pop. Got it? Don't get bossy on me, y'hear?"
You curled around him, clinging to him desperately. "Sorry. Sorry, sorry..." You cried softly. "J-Just n-need... Need you, please..."
"I was just teasin' ya, sweetheart..." Cooper sighed with a chuckle, pulling out halfway before sharply thrusting back in, your breasts jiggling as your body jerks with the effort of his thrust. "Don't be such a crybaby."
Your jaw snaps shut with a strangled moan, your teeth grinding as your body welcomes him eagerly, all the stress and anxiety of your heat melting away in the pleasure that Cooper was bullying into your cunt, sloppy, loud, lewd noises coming from between you as he plunged his cock in and out of you; his skin slapping against yours.
A small part of you right now was vaguely recalling your past heats. How you would scurry away when you couldn't make your Heat-Fixer on your own, or score any from passing caravans; how you would hide in your secret little cave and masturbate to thoughts of having someone just come and take the edge off for you, you just bend you over and fuck you until your mind didn't come back into logical focus for days after the fact--to fuck you so full you were certain "your" Alpha had bred you as your biological needs shouted that you needed.
Your nails dig into Cooper's back, scratching fresh masks into his pitted and wrinkled skin, the texture of his cock making your head spin even more as you breathed in his own pheromones; Cooper's scent had always comforted you. Somehow, the scent that was not unique in the world today felt unique to him, and only him. Gunpowder, petrichor, and sweet honey bourbon.
You didn't realize just how much you loved and craved to have his scent on you until now; a loud moan slithering out of you as he dragged his tongue up your throat, mouthing your swollen scent gland messily, making your hips stutter against his and your breath hitch into a small sob as his tongue laves over the soft flesh.
"Smell so fuckin' good." Cooper growls, his voice sending vibrations through your sensitive skin as he continues to rut his cock into you. The pitch of his tone makes you whimper in submission, rolling your head to the side to let him have better access as he licked and kissed your throat, moving from one side to the other.
"Fuck--" He panted, driving his hips into your again and again, the sweat on your body making it difficult to get a decent grip on your soft hips. Your scent was driving him insane; he was finding himself wanting to keep his face buried either at your throat or between your legs. If he wasn't so pressed to just fuck you, Cooper would have gladly stayed with his head buried between your legs until he got his fill of you.
However, now that he's had a taste of you, now that he's felt you squeezing and milking his dick for anything he was willing to give you... he wasn't sure he would ever get a fill. Your scent was goddamn maddening to him; it made him hungry in more ways than one. He never realized it before, but now that you were uninhibited by the Fixer, it hit him full-force. And just the mere thought of another Alpha putting their hands on you made him mad with... possession?
He swallowed back a mouthful of saliva, clenching his jaw as he panted hotly in your ear, "Feel so fuckin' good around my cock, babydoll."
You choked for air when you feel his knot almost catch, your orgasm dancing just out of reach; walls clenching around him every time you felt it press against your entrance.
"Please, please..." You begged, running your hand up his back, tracing every deep groove and bit of scarred flesh you could; mapping out every inch you could feel beneath your fingertips.
"N-Need..."
One of his arms was currently bracing himself next to your head, which his other hand pawed at your hip, gripping the sweaty, smooth skin so tight there would likely be bruises in the shape of his handprint that would be visible for days on.
His mouth once again hovered over your scent gland, and you pressed one of your hands to the back of his neck to urge you on; "Please..." You begged once more.
Cooper gave you a look out of the corner of his eye, and as you opened your mouth to plead with him once more, he sunk his teeth directly into your throat. Your moan was so loud, he could almost hear the rush of his blood beneath it as the coppery taste of your blood coated his tongue.
"Fuck!" You sob, grinding your hips against his, your spongy walls throbbing almost painfully as you finally feel him force his knot past that last barrier of resistance; feeling it swell and lock him in place, the sensation finally ripping a mind-numbing orgasm from you.
"Shit, darlin'..." Cooper moaned, breaking his lips from around your scent gland, rutting and grinding into you as much as he could, feeling the simmering heat of his own orgasm finally creeping near that precipice. "Squeezin' me so fuckin' good..."
He leaned back, grabbing your hips in his hands and pulling you against him, staring down at your sweaty and flushed face as your eyes rolled back, your hands clawing desperately at the mattress and ratty blankets beneath you, weakly lifting your hips to try to get him to keep moving.
"Needy little... fuckin'..." Cooper panted, feeling how hard your hot pussy was clenching around his knot. It felt like he was burning up from the inside out, like his blood was boiling inside his veins as his orgasm roiled and crashed through him; hips jerking against yours as his cock twitched, emptying every drop of cum he could fill you with into your waiting and desperate womb.
He ground his teeth as his eyes rolled back and he let the last bits of his climax ebb away.
Cooper let out a long, slow breath, poking down to where your bodies were locked together. Damn, that felt good. It was the best feeling he'd felt in... shit, a very long time. He sighed and pressed his hand down low on your belly, just barely able to feel the outline of himself through your soft skin, muscles and fat.
His gaze slowly slid up your sweaty and twitching body, to the fresh mark he'd left in your throat, and finally to your blissed-out, satisfied face. He knew this state for you was only temporary; once his knot went down, you would be climbing back on top of him for more, wanting to be fucked and bred again and again, despite the face he was 100% positive in the fact that ghouls didn't work like that anymore... But nonetheless you'd be wanting your Alpha to mark you and fuck you again and again until your heat passed you by.
He narrowed his eyes at his own line of thinking. He... wasn't really "your" Alpha now, was he? You were partners, and well, now...
Ah. Shit...
"You alive, darlin'?" Cooper chuckled, pushing aside his line of thinking, to try and focus on the moment instead of his stupid what-ifs.
"Mhmmm..." You answered with a purr, arching you back and stretching, wrapping your legs around his waist once again, opening your stormy eyes to peer up at him, your tongue swiping out at your bottom lip.
"Shit... Give me some time to pull out, you needy little bitch." He chastised with another soft laugh, reaching out to tweak your nipple in reprimand.
Cooper leaned over you, pressing his thumb over your clit, earning a soft whine from you.
"You're gonna be a good girl for me, ain't'cha, babydoll?" He sighed, looking as your face twisted in pleasured agony while he pinched and rolled your clit, feeling how your cunt fluttered around his cock. "C'mon... Answer your Alpha, sweetheart..."
Your eyelids dragged lazily open and you nod, almost jerking your head up and down as a small bit of drool pools at the corner of your swollen lips. "Yes, yes, yes... I'll be a good girl."
Cooper grinned wider, almost predatory in appearance, still tasting you on the tip of his tongue.
"Thaaaaat's right... Now... just lay back and let me take care of ya, babydoll. And once we're done, you 'n I are gonna have a long talk..."
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Cornflower Blue
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SPOOKTOBER SPECIAL
❥Yandere Outlaw Song Mingi x fem reader
➯a/n: this is my darkest fic yet imo, be sure to read the contents and take care of yourself! also im super proud of this, it took like three months tbh and i still didn't get to fit in everything i wanted to. enjoy some yandere minki 💙
✃The moonlight seeps in through the sheer curtains and paints your skin in a haze of blue. The bruise on your temple like a water color bloom.
♫ "You love me 'till you wear me out, then you love me more." -Cornflower Blue, Flower Face ♫"Love's never been more than pain, so Baby, show me how bad you hurt." -Dog Days, Ethel Cain ♫"My Babe would never fret about what my hands and my body done- if The Lord don't forgive me, I'd still have my Baby." -Work Song, Hozier ♫"I just wanted to be yours. Can I be yours? Just tell me I'm yours." - Strangers, Ethel Cain ♫
✫彡wordcount: 14k
♡'・ᴗ・'♡(ಡ‸ಡ) (>ᴗ•) genre: plot heavy smut, yandere, angst
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ಠ_ಠwarning/content: GOOD LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE ??? wild west au, HEAVY yandere themes, murder, reader near death experience, mingi is CRAZY, bribery, manipulation, threatening, gun violence/shoot-out, injuries, invasion of privacy, 'off-screen' death of main characters, kidnapping, NSFW; multiple sex scenes, masterbation, unprotected(BOO), first time, head(reader receiving), size difference, spit, breeding kink, overstim, biiiiiig dick mingi (i'm a sucker😞), praise, dirty talk, soft sex turned rough, extreme possessiveness
not edited, definitely grammatical errors 🥲
⁂taglist: @stvrfir3 @tunaasan @marievllr-abg @nini4m @senpai-of-doom
MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI
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"Ellis~" Your sing song tone echoes out through the alleyway, crates of stored food blocking your view. "Oh, my! Is that a corn snake?" You yelled out dramatically, crouching down behind a crate.
"Where?!" The young boys voice gets closer by the second until he runs up to you and you snatch him up.
"Wraa! I got you!" He laughs loudly, an heart-full sound that rings out in the dead town. Everyone has gone besides very few to a new market up North. "I've caught you, and I'll eat you up!" You pull him up as he yells and laughs and swing him around as you twirl to the main road. "I'll have ye for supper," you laugh with your best witch-like voice.
"No, I'm not tasty!"
"No? Well... I guess I shouldn't do this then!" You playfully nom at his sweatered shoulder, tickling his ribs.
"Auntie, please, I'll do it! I'll sweep!"
You stand up like nothing ever happened and smile, "great, Miss Carmen will be most pleased." You had recruited multiple of the youngsters left behind to help you maintain the vacant homes while the market took place, and some off them were less than happy to have been roped in. "Would you like me to carry you?"
"Ye' , please!" His smile is missing a tooth, and it makes you chuckle.
You place him over your hip and begin the short walk, planning out the rest of the days chores in your head when he screams, "horsie!"
You follow the path his chubby fingers points to, and find a large figure riding in past the town sign on a similarly large white horse. His face is obscured by his large droopy hat, but that isn't what makes you suspicious at first.
The man riding into town has multiple guns on his figure.
You scramble to the side of the dirt path and hold Ellis' head to your shoulder, looking up at the stranger as he slows his horse to come to a stop right infront of you.
   "Hello, Si-"
  "Auntie, I'm scared." Despite your best efforts, the young boy had caught a glimpse of the towering and dangerous-looking man, shivering in your hold.
     You crouch down and set him down carefully, rubbing his back for a moment before you turn him in the direction you want him to go, "run off to the schoolhouse, tell Maria to come and cook up our guest a meal. You can do that, right?"
     He rubs his eyes and peeks at the man before looking back to you, nodding eagerly. "Go on and get, then." You pat his shoulder and watch him run before turning to the man.
       "Room and board, Sir?" You speak formally to the hidden man.
    "Yes." He speaks simply, swinging his leg and jumping down from the horse.
    He's no less intimidating now that he's technically level with you. He looms over you like a shadow and places a chill in your bones. "Is this place a ghost town?" He has an accent that you can't place, but you lock onto it anyhow because it's quite clear he isn't from around here. You look away from him, trying to hide your nerves at the fact that he's the first real stranger you've ever met.
    "No, Sir. Most are away to sell our spring crops." He hums shortly in response, watching you closely from under the shadow his hat casts over his eyes as you grab his horses reigns. You can feel the way his eyes bore into your every move as you begin waking, "follow me, then."
    It's a silent and most awkward walk down the deserted main street, and you can still feel his gaze burning into your back as you lead his horse into the stables.
"So, where are you from, stranger?"
     "Away." Your feeble attempt at small talk is shut down by the man immediately as he stands in the large doorway, broad shoulders nearly touching its sides.
"Very well," you step back out of the horse's temporary home, and are put in the shadow his large frame casts. "Uhm, my name is (Y/n)," you extend your hand, trying to remember your manners despite the fear in your gut.
     He takes your hand, roughly. You can't tell if he means to- or if he's just that strong. "Mingi."
     His hand is cold. It shocks you. You pull away from his grip and push past him, head lowered. You've quickly found that you don't enjoy strangers. "Miss Maria can help you get settled, show you around if you like. Nothin' much to do 'round here besides drink or play ball." You ramble on as you head to the bar, just down the road. You don't have to look behind you to know he's following. You can feel his gaze locked in on your back, that same feeling you get when men at the bar have one too many or that time when a wild boar almost got you.
      The bar isn't anything special, though nothing in the town is really. He looks around, silently. A few wooden booths and rickety tables. A pool table. A small island that separates the main floor and the bartenders area. Beyond that, he can see a kitchen. He almost thought his luck had run out when he rode into the seemingly deserted town, and then he saw you twirling the young boy into the main road.
     He nods his head, maybe subconsciously, to say he's pleased enough to stay. "Up this way," your voice echoes in the empty space, and you touch his arm ever so lightly to get his attention. The staircase is hidden by the corner, and he has to crouch to ascend them. When he does, he's pleasantly surprised.
     The room has a homey, lived in feel to it. Well, most of it. It's a large space, walls decorated with dried flowers and boxed in dead insects, chalk drawings of all kinds of things on the dark oak walls. There's a slanted shelf that's adorned with carved wooden trinkets and toys, most of which have a small layer of dust if he looks hard enough. A large open window is on the back wall, facing the town, and a dresser that fits perfectly under it. The bed on the left side of the dresser is messy, a large fur blanket that's bundled up to expose pristine white sheets.
     The part that doesn't look as lived in is on the right side of the dresser. An fresh lantern candle placed neatly on the made bed, dark red sheets and grey comforter.
     "I hope you don't mind a roommate... I'm not here for the most part, I won't be in your hair." You're shuffling around quickly, hiding a few things that he didn't get to inspect into the left side of the dresser. "You can," you gulp, clearly uncomfortable with the silent man, "you can put your things away in these drawers if you like."
He stands, like a scarecrow, holding his rucksack tightly. When he moves, you flinch, sliding closer to what he now placed together is your bed. He chooses to ignore that, sitting down on the other bed and feeling the soft fabric. "You own this place?"
You're taken aback by his unprovoked speaking, gathering you thoughts as you sit across from him on your own bed. "Uh, no. A man named Louis owns this and the bar."
"Hm. And you?"
"I work down in the bar, bartending and such. So he lets me stay."
A small smirk plays at his lips, hidden by his hat as he looks around again. You've clearly lived here a long while. There's more to your story than just working downstairs. "Kind of him."
    "Very. You may be able to thank him for his hospitality, he gets back in a few days." You pause for a moment before you ask tentatively, "how long will you be staying?"
     He stands and turns his back to you as he takes off his hat, beginning to unpack his bag. "Few weeks maybe."
    "Ah," you draw quietly, anxiety growing in your gut. The very few visitors you could remember stayed for only days, if that. Even then, they weren't total strangers. They were people that others in town knew from the market or city.
    "Hope you don't mind a roommate," he turns back around and tosses a look your way as he starts to fold his clothing into the unoccupied drawers. And if the air wasn't gone from your lungs by now, it is now. This stranger, Mingi, is the most handsome being you've ever laid your eyes upon.
     His eyebrows are softly arched, beautifully curved nose and lips. And his eyes- oh, his eyes. You swear you could get lost in them. And it seems you do, staring at the man despite the fact your intuition is telling you to look away. "Handsome, I know."
    A heat flushes your face and you force yourself to look away as he smirks your way, "w-well, you know, uh- let me go and fetch Miss Maria, you must be famished!"
     With that, you're down the stairs and out the bar. He watches as you speed walk away through the window, blissfully unaware that he's opened up your drawers to have a deeper look into his roommate.
You dodged the handsome stranger until you no longer could, the sun was setting and there were no more excuses to be found to avoid going back home. He wasn't in the room when you returned, but the bathroom door was closed and you could see the flickering of a candle from the cracks.
    You lit a few candles on the dresser before the sun fully set, taking some deep breaths as you heard him moving around. You remove your boots, a groan of relief settling behind your lips as you wiggle your toes.
    As you're unfolding your night gown, the door to the bathroom creaks open. "Hello, Miss," he greets, much warmer than his earlier aura.
     "Mingi," you greet back with a small smile, "have you found your way around well?" You shift your weight uncomfortably as he tilts his head at you, as if he's trying to read you.
    "Mhm, this ghost town isn't as bad as I thought," he sits down on his bed, rolling his head with a groan.
     "Very good, maybe when the other return you'll find it even better." You can't wait for the day. His presence makes you... uneasy, is the best way to put it. You know he could easily over power you and the others. Elderly, young, and women who don't have a single idea of self defense. Maybe that was stupid on your towns part- but you needed all of the hands on deck to sell the bountiful harvest.
      You excuse yourself and lock the bathroom door behind you, double checking before you begin to remove your day clothes. As you change, you start to wonder if maybe Mingi was just uncomfortable around strangers as well. He's seemed to have warmed up quite a bit to you. You'll have to ask Maria in the morning about their encounter.
     Perhaps he won't be as bad as you expected- "Oh, dear me!" You stumble as you re-enter the room, covering your eyes with your hands. "Uhm, Mingi?"
    "I'm just cleaning my wound," he chuckles, watching you with a glint in his eyes.
      You peek through your fingers, keeping your hands to your face to hide.
    Indeed, he's shirtless. Your eyes hadn't played a trick on you.
      You swallow the gathering wetness in your mouth as you peer at his naked torso. He's slim, toned in all the right places. His arms are something of a dream to you, and you have to force yourself to look away from them as sinful thoughts begin growing in your mind.
    Instead, you take a look at the wound he referred to.  A shallow gash going from his hip around and around to his back. The edges of it are already scarring, leaving only the middle of it as a wound.
You slowly approach the end of his bed, hands resting on the metal bed frame. "May I ask?"
"Every man his enemies. Mine happen to be good with throwing knives."
"Is that why you carry all those weapons?" The question has been nagging you. He has so many. And you don't like them. You don't like that they are in your home. He's left them on his side of the dresser.
"Perhaps." He groans as he tries to reach around and clean the part of the cut that stretches onto his back. "Would... would you be so kind, (Y/n)?"
It's your turn to be the silent type. You move to sit beside him, taking the damp rag and jar of salve with shaking hands. You haven't been this close to him until now. You haven't been this close to any man, really.
He smells shockingly good.
He shivers as you begin cleaning up his wound, and you apologize under your breath.
Unbeknownst to you, that was not a shiver of pain.
He's always been the nosy type. He couldn't help himself but try to get to know you through your belongings while you were gone. And he struck a pot of gold when he found your diary.
The entries dated back seven years. And he read through all seven of them. With every word, he became more and more infatuated with you. And your touch on his body solidified that infatuation. It felt right. Your innocent, helping touch turned his infatuation into something more sinister.
So, no. It was not a shiver of pain.
"There you go," you can't help but stroke the large expanse of his back once you've finished, it's a work of art. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to notice.
But, oh, does he. He has to bite his lip to hold back a moan, looking down at his lap. His member twitching to life from the smallest, most pure of your touches. "Thank you kindly." He forces out, breathily.
You're in your own bed much to quickly for his liking, hiding under your blanket. "Goodnight, Mingi. I shall see you in the morning."
     "Hello, stranger," you smile at him as steps out of the building, earning one back. "Slept well, I hope?"
    "Very, thank you." He takes a seat on the steps of the bar next to you and watches the sun grow higher in the sky. "May I ask you a personal question, (Y/n)?"
     "I suppose so," you shift slightly, toying with the strings on your boots. While your knees are pulled up to the step just below your bottom, his feet stretch all the way off of the steps and onto the dirt.
    "Where is your family?"
    "I'm sorry?"
   "Well... it's just, you're a beautiful young woman. Don't you have a husband and a couple of rug-rats?"
    "Rug-rats," you repeated with a chuckle, shaking your head. "No, no rug-rats."
"And a husband?"
"The closest I have to a husband is Castle... my mutt." You look to him with a bigger smile, your nerves and anxiety around him unwinding. When he laughs, you feel a flutter in your stomach that makes them disappear completely.
You turn back to the sun as it rises, trying to convince yourself that the heat you feel on your cheeks is from the warmness of it. "Why do you ask?"
He hums, leaning back on his elbows and allowing his eyes to flick up and down as they observe you. "Wanted to know my chances."
"Oh!" You look back at him, his eyes shining with that glint once more, "the cow boy is a flirt? I see."
"I'm not a cowboy."
"No?" You lean back and join him, crossing your legs. Maria had told you just earlier that he was strange, that she sensed a darkness about him. But you only felt warmth and light. "What are you then, Mingi?"
"An outlaw." The smirk on his lips makes you think he's joking, and you let out a laugh.
If only you knew that Mingi was being truthful.
      The wagons roll into town the next morning, bright and early. You're still asleep when the first one comes, but the happy hollering from Maria wakes you and Mingi both with a start.
    He's dazed and confused, rolling around and glaring at at ceiling above him. While you, well you nearly jump out of your skin to run downstairs.
     Still in your nightgown and soft socks, you almost slip and fall as you jump off of the last stair and slide into the main area. "Lou!" You collide into him and sway happily as the older man lifts you up in his arms.
"There's my girl! You been holdin' us down?" He sets you down carefully and inspects you, making sure you've been kept safe in his time away.
"You know I have," you give him a wide and toothy smile, "how was the new market?"
"Oh, it was wonderful, dear! Next time I should take you both with me, so many new things," he reaches into his satchel, handing his wife something small and shiney.
Mingi, in his own sleep clothes- a loose pair of pants, slowly descends the stairs, silent as a mouse as he watches the three of you.
Miss Maria, the older woman with a scarf permanently affixed to her head, looks down at the ring with a teary smile. "Oh, Louis, you shouldn't have." You lift yourself up and sit on one of the tables, watching the two kiss with a small smile.
"Why shouldn't I? A man is meant to spoil his wife, isn't that what I always say? Besides, we made quite the profit this time around." His wrinkled hand cups her cheek, and you can't help but coo at their affection.
"Y'all are too stinkin' cute." Maria looks away bashfully, admiring the ring on her hand. While Louis turns to you with a smile, which fades as quickly as it came.
"And who is this?" His hand is on his belt, twitching at his pistol as he spots Mingi coming up behind you. You turn, and then back, moving his hand away from his weapon.
"That's Mingi, he got here a few days ago. A traveler." You don't know if that last part is necessarily true. Mingi never did tell you why he was passing by your isolated town. "He's quite alright."
"He's half naked- and so are you! Young lady-"
"Lou!" Maria is flabbergasted by what he seems to be implying, while you don't seem to see the innuendo. Of course you are? You just awoke.
Mingi stays silent, and simply extends his hand to Louis. When he doesn't take it, he puts it back to his side, joining you at the table. It seems to you that Mingi is indeed weary of strangers. He seems only comfortable with you. Yesterday, he followed you around almost like a lost dog. Insisting that he wanted to help you with your daily chores.
His eyes flick down to your chest. Sure, he's seen you in your nightgown. But that was in the moon or candle light. The sunlight from the many bar windows exposes just how sheer it is. He can see your nipples if he looks hard enough. And, oh, he's looking.
And Louis notices, ears flushing red with anger as the strange traveler looks you up and down. "Alright, dear, go get dressed."
"Oh, but I wish to hear of the market! Unc-"
"Now, (Y/n)."
With a sigh, you slide off of the table, patting Mingis exposed shoulder as you pass him. He goes to follow you back upstairs when Louis grips his wrist. Hard.
Maria is fiddling with her new ring, almost cowering behind her husband as she feels Mingis aura once again. She can't seem to pinpoint why. But she doesn't like this man one bit. He's done nothing to her, to anyone for that matter. But she feels an evilness seep from his gaze.
"Have a seat, Mingi." Louis doesn't seem to like him either. Maybe because of his silent demeanor or the way he was ogling you.
He does so, with a bored expression, plopping down on one of the wooden booths. Louis slides into the booth seat across from him, waving Maria off. She doesn't need to be told twice. She doesn't want to be near that man for one second more than necessary.
Alone in the seating area, the two men stare silently at one another. As if sizing each other up.
Louis is the first one to break, reaching into his pocket. A rusted old locket is slid across the scratched table top, and Mingi catches it before it falls into his lap.
As he opens it up, he sees a picture of two people in either of the slots. One, a woman with a wide smile. The other, a man looking down at the baby held to his chest. Their features seem... familiar.
"Her parents."
He looks up slowly, and sees the older man leaning back, "I'm sorry?"
"Those are her parents. My little sister and her husband. Died seven years ago. Train crash. Hit a cow on the tracks. Hate those damned things. They can't slow down quick enough to avoid hittin' something."
It's silent again, save for the sounds of Maria cooking up a storm in the back of the kitchen.
He looks down at the pictures again. Seven years ago... that's when your diary entries start. But you never mentioned the crash. Did you just decide to forget about it? Move on?
Louis can almost see the cogs turning in his brain as he looks at the worn photo. Before Mingi can ask, Louis is answering. "I seen the way you looked at my little girl. The same way I look at my Maria. So Imma tell you," he points to the locket, "I made a promise the day that train crashed. You know what that promise was?"
"No."
"That I'd gut anyone who ever laid an evil finger on that girl."
"Maria!" They hear you coming back down, and Louis snatches up the locket from Mingis hands as he stands. You stop briefly and look at them, but move on when you see Louis smiling down at him. "Have you seen my vest?" Your voice grows distant as you join your Aunt in the kitchen, unaware that the smile was followed by a threat.
"Don't make me gut you, boy."
"You're so soft," you mutter as you brush the white mare with your fingers, stood just outside of her stable. She neighs loudly at you. "Oh, I know. So many strange horses, you must be frightened."
The once empty stable house was now filled again, everyone was back in town by high-noon. She seems like her owner, and like you. She doesn't like strangers. She nearly kicked the short door down when you approached with a handful of hay.
A few minutes later, she's letting you pet her. You're stood on a stool, bent over the edge of the door to dust the dirt off of her white coat. "You're a sweet girl, huh?" You smile at the animal, receiving more neighs in response.
"Who you talking to?"
The abrupt interruption makes you stumble, nearly falling off of the wobbly stool. You steady yourself on the door and look back, throwing a smile his way when you see it's Mingi. "Your horse."
He joins your side at the door, holding his hand out to his mare. "You know she can't talk back, right?"
"Don't mean she can't listen."
He smiles at your response. You really are a kind soul, giving affection to an animal that can't give you anything in return.
"Busy, Miss (Y/n)?"
You shake your head. Nobody has come by the bar yet, and you don't think anyone will for a while. They're all spending time with their families.
"How about a ride, then?" He's opening up the door before you can respond, making your upper body follow it, legs outstretched to stay on the stool.
"Oh- I don't... I don't know how."
He keeps putting the saddle on the horse despite your words, a smile playing at his lips. By the way your smiling as well, he knows you want to. "I can teach you. Are you afraid?"
     "I must admit... a bit."
    "Don't worry, I won't let you fall."
    "Really?"
    "Mhm."
      You hop down from the stool and move it out of the way as Mingi walks the mare out of her stable, following close behind him with a wide smile. You get a few strange looks from townspeople as you and the towering stranger stop in the middle of the main dirt road.
     One pair of eyes watches you even closer. Louis stands from his rocking chair on the porch of the bar, staring dumbfounded as Mingi picks you up and helps you onto the animal. Jaw dropped as he hops up and sits in the saddle right behind you, hands guiding yours to hold the reigns. Before he can even get off of the porch, the both of you are galloping out of town.
     The cool October air against your face as you slowly gain speed feels freeing, like it's washing your very soul. Your nerves are still shaking a bit, and you lean your back into Mingis chest, holding onto the reigns tightly. You jump ever so slightly when one of his hands rests over your stomach, gently holding you.
     "Don't worry," he says, "I've been riding since I was a child."
And so, you don't worry. You let the freeing feeling wash over you, relaxing into him and letting the mare take you where ever she pleases. Which just so happens to be the furthest you can ever remember being from town. You nearly forget that Mingi is even with you until you feel his hand move away from your stomach.
He grabs the reigns, his hand over yours as he pull her head back carefully, slowing her to a stop in the middle of a field. He pulls your hands back with his and settles them in your lap, atop of your bundled up skirts.
She lowers her head and starts chewing on some of the green grass. You look up at the sky, clear and bright.
"Not so scary, right?" Mingi speaks up gently, his hands never leaving your own as he looks up at the baby blue with you.
"Not at all, though maybe it's because you did all of the work," you let out a small laugh, turning your hands palms up and letting him weave his fingers into yours, enveloping you in warmth. "Is this what your life is like?"
The endless expanse of nature staring back at you, birds chirping their lovely songs.
"For the most part." He doesn't want to tell you about the other parts of his life. The bloody and harsh parts. You don't need to hear about that. Not when you're so pure and soft in comparison.
"I like it. I can see why you don't settle, cowboy."
"I'm not a cowboy."
A grin on both your faces, a comfortable silence overcomes you for a moment. He leans and slowly, almost nervously, rests his forehead on your shoulder. When you don't make a move to lean away, he absolutely melts into you. His heart beating loudly in his ears, he's shocked you haven't looked back to look for a marching band with how loud it is.
"I think I may stay a little while longer," he whispers tenderly into your back.
"I think I may like that."
You revel in each others touch for a few more moments before he moves, scooting back away from your backside. "Let's stretch our legs." Before you can complain, he's jumped off the horse and is holding out his arms for you. Deciding 'why not', you lean over and let him essentially pull you off her back.
You stretch your arms over your head as you wander, smiling back at him.
Oh, he could get addicted to that smile.
Directed at him, and him alone.
He watches with a flicker in his eyes as you start gathering wild flowers, folding up the rim of his hat to get a better look. You start braiding them together, fingers working nimbly. The song of nature overcoming you as you work, and he admires from a few feet away.
You look like an angel, the sun beaming down on you and shining from behind you like a halo as you turn and face him. "Crouch down, big boy," you tease him softly, a heat creeping up your face as you see him blushing.
He leans down, letting you affix the flowers around his hat. When he comes back up, he does a small twirl, "how do I look?"
"Pretty!" It slips your lips before you have the chance to think, and it makes him blush all the harder.
"Let me see," he takes his hat off, short hair wild and blowing with the breeze.
He pulls the hat over your head in the next second, and the large accessory falls over your eyes. He laughs, hand over his mouth as you tilt your head up and peek at him from under the rim. "How do I look?"
"Like a doll," he exclaims breathlessly, eyes not leaving you for a single second as he takes in the sight of you in his hat. The wind blowing your loose hairs and skirts. A shy smile stretching your lips as you look away, admiring the sky as he admires you.
"Oh, hush."
"It's only true." He comes behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders loosely.
You have to remember how to breath as he looks over your shoulder at you, shit-eating-smirk on his lips. "Doll~"
"We should head back!" You squeal, ducking out of his arms as heat overwhelms your body. He only laughs, and the melodic sound echoes in the field.
"Alright then, up you get," he hoists you back onto the saddle, hands lingering on your exposed thighs as your skirt pools around your hips while he hooks his boot into the stirrup.
And you're off again, this time slowly. Like he knows that you crave to spend time with him as much as he does you.
It's a few days later when he awakes in the night. The moon his only source of light. His breaths uneven and heavy.
Why did he have to wake up? That dream was ethereal, it nearly made him ascend to the heavens.
He groans as he flips onto his stomach, not a atom of shock in his being as he feels his hardness pressing into the mattress. Not after he just experienced the wettest dream of his life.
You looked like a Goddess below him, head tossed to the side and exposing all of the marks he left on your neck. The bed rocked in time with the yells of his names that left your bruised lips. Over and over. Louder and louder. Your eyes rolled back, your chest rising and falling as you tried desperately to keep up with his pace.
He's certain that's your rightful place, taking his cock and calling his name, soul intertwined with his. "Fuck..." Just six days and you have him wrapped around your little finger. He's never felt like this. You must be the one.
    He can't help but look over at your bed across the room as his hand travels into his pants. His eyes nearly flutter shut, but he forces them open once again.
You're a restless sleeper, he's discovered. Your torso is pressed into the mattress while your hips are rotated slightly up, one leg hiked up and making your nightgown slip past the round of your ass.
God, your subconscious must know what he's doing.
That's the only 'reasonable' conclusion Mingis lustful mind can come to as you moan in your sleep, rolling onto your back and spread your legs to get comfortable. It takes every fiber of self control in him not to pounce on you and take you right there.
He's content to fuck himself silly for the moment, and he's almost ashamed at how fast his release comes- but he can't help it. You look so fucking delectable and he hasn't touched himself since before he rolled into town.
He bites into his pillow with a growl, eyes never leaving your peaceful form until he's overstimulated himself into oblivion. His arm sore and cock even sorer, he finally lets up, breathing heavily into the quiet night.
As he slinks to the bathroom and cleans himself up, he wonders what it would be like to feel your body close to him after such a release. Well-
Why not find out?
He leans over your bed with tears in his eyes, gently grabbing your arm and calling out to you.
"Min?" The nickname that you utter while half asleep almost has him ready to go again, but he pushes it away as you sit up groggily and look at him with concern written on your face.
"I don't feel too well, Doll... Can I sleep with you? Keep me warm?"
You feel his head with the back of your hand, a frown on your face as you feel his heated flesh- unknowing of the true cause.
"Mh, come on, big boy," you scoot to the wall that your beds on and lift your fur blanket, a sleepy smile on your features as he dives into the bed. The metal frame creaks under both of your weight but neither of you pay it any mind.
He melts into your body heat, wrapping his arms around your waist and keeping you close.
It's so much better than he imagined.
That's the best sleep you've ever had. You felt so safe and warm. And Mingi doesn't feel any different, he hasn't had a restful sleep like that since he was only a boy. You seem to have kept his reoccurring nightmares of his past away.
All the damage he's done and all the pain he's endured, wiped away as you rested your head on his shoulder.
Your legs are tangled together, arms wrapped around one another. Your head in his neck and his chin resting gently on top of it. Soft, gentle breaths as the both of you wake.
Rain beats down on the roof, creating a soft and steady melody.
Neither of you can tell how much time has elapsed, but it doesn't seem like it's ever enough. So when you finally sit up, a pout forms on his features.
You feel his forehead, a smile on yours. "No fever."
"Hm, maybe a night bug." He sits up and swings his legs over the bed, facing into the room to hide his growing blush as the memories of his dream flood his mind.
He feels the bed shift under your weight as you crawl up behind him. "I had a dream last night," you whisper as you gently rub up his back.
"Mh?"
"Mhm." Your heart flutters as you muster up the courage to continue speaking, "a dream of you and I."
"Oh, do tell."
And tell, you do.
"Well... it began with you and I, sat in the bar. A few too many drinks in our bodies. A few kisses... A few touches... and then we came up here." His breath hitches in his throat, surely he's still dreaming. This is an elaborate trick of the brain. "Mingi?"
"Y-yes?" He wants to both explode with joy and collapse with embarrassment.
"Will you touch me? Will you kiss me? I'm sorry if that's wildly inappropriate- oh it is, I'm so ter-"
Your rambling is cut off as his lips collide with yours ever so softly. One of his hands cups your cheek, the other finds purchase on the small of your back.
He slowly pushes his weight onto you, laying you down on your back as your lips meld together. A curse falls past his lips as you ghost your fingertips over his abs.
He kisses down your jaw, savoring every inch of your skin until he reaches your covered breasts. He looks up, and the look in his eyes makes the heat in your belly grow ten-fold. "Can I see you?"
With the slightest nod of your head, he's slipped the straps of your nightgown down and tugged it down past your chest. His mind is racing. His heart is about to beat out of his chest. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He whispers, voice rough and barely heard over the storm raging outside.
His calloused hands trail down your chest, ghosting over the pebbled flesh on your breast and down to your skirt. You can't help the gasp that escapes you when he lifts it up, letting your entire nightdress rest in a bunch on your stomach. He's already panting, and he hasn't even touched you.
You're just so beautiful. You're a Goddess in his eyes.
He smiles up at you as he lowers himself, your legs spread by his wide shoulders. "I'm going to make you cum your brains out, Doll~"
Before you can even question what he means, his tongue is darting out and swiping up the length of your cunt. "Ah!" Your back is arched off the bed at the simple motion, and it solidifies his theory that you're a virgin. Your keening at the littlest bit of attention, your poor neglected pussy is begging for more.
You slap your hand over your mouth at the noise, looking shocked that it even came from you. He can't help the chuckle that vibrates in his throat- that is, before his taste buds register the most delicious, mind blowing juice he's ever had the pleasure of putting in his mouth. "Oh, fuck..." Then he's just as flustered as you are, diving back in between your thighs like a man starved.
     The little noises that manage to slip past your hand urge him on even more than the way that your wetness just keeps coming and coming and coming as he slurps it all up. His tongue darts and licks and rolls all over you, and you can't even register all of the pleasure you're getting from it- it feels that good.
     He slips his arms under your thighs and grips them tightly to ground himself as he allows himself to drown in you. He lets his instincts do all of the work, enjoying himself more than he ever has. His nose nudges against your clit as he slurps noisily.
     The way you taste. The way you smell. The way you sound. The way you feel.
     All of it. All of you. He's going mad with lust. With love. He's going to explode, he truly believes it. And then you call his name.
      "Mingi—"
    So sweet and desperate, absolute music to his red hot ears as he sucks the bundle of nerves above your sopping wet heat. He doesn't even register that you've cum all over his chin until youre tugging at his hair roughly and forcing him away from your throbbing pussy.
     He moans out loud as you harshly pull him away, jaw dropped as he pants. "You taste so good, Doll," he slurs drunkenly. Your essence has gotten him drunker than any alcohol ever could.
     You're panting even heavier, chest rising and falling quickly as you tremble in the aftershocks of your first orgasm that's come from another person. 
     He rubs his finger tips over your thighs gently, luring you back down to Earth as he gawks at you. You swear that there's hearts in his shining eyes.
     "W-" your attempt at words comes out as jumbled whine, and you let yourself fall back into the pillow.
     "It's okay, Baby," he coos, licking his lips as he sits up, folding his legs under him and pulling your limp hips into his lap.
     The new nickname makes your cunt twitch, and he catches it. "Oh, you like that, hm?" His index and middle finger spread you wide, and he purses his lips- spitting directly onto your sensitive hole. "C'mon, talk to me, pretty Baby."
      "G-god!" You cry out embarrassedly, forever thankful for the angry storm outside that hides your sounds from any neighbors. "Yes, I do, I really do," you draw out, grabbing the sides of his thighs as he teases your entrance. You're still hyper sensitive, twitching with every small movement he makes.
    And he absolutely revels in it.
    "Yeah? I bet no one ever made you feel that good before," he smirks, letting another wad of spit hit your hole.
     "Nuh-uh," you shake your head, peering up at him, and your next words make it hard for him to keep his composure. "Stay. Stay here and- and fuck me."
     Little do you know, after that first night- he lost any plans he had of ever leaving.
"I will never leave you," and he means it. He has no plans of ever letting you go. And he's about to let you know that.
       He slides you back off his lap and lays over you, holding your head with one hand as the other guides his leaking tip into you. "Oh, ngh," you whine, holding onto his biceps tightly. He bites his lips as he feels your walls for the first time. So warm and tight around him. So soft. "M-min, be gentle," you whimper, leaning up and hiding in his chest.
     "Don't worry, Doll, we'll go slow" he strokes your head gently, slowly -oh, so slowly- sinking into your tight core. "Such a pretty little thing, so fuckin' tight f'me," he growls, and again as the noise makes you clench around him. "Gonna have to stretch your little pussy out before I can even move, you've got me in a fucking vice, Baby."
       "Mingi, d-don't talk like that, it's dirty," you pant into his chest, the warm air making goosebumps form.
     "Well, look at you," he nearly purrs, pulling your head back from his chest gently, "look." You blink a few times, taking in the sinful scene.
    Your legs spread around his slowly moving hips. His thick monster of a cock gradually disappearing into your stretched folds.
     "Can't not be dirty while we're breaking in this cute little cunt," he says matter-of-factly, looking down at said cunt while it clenches around the half of his cock that's he's managed to sink in. A lewd moan leaves his parted lips, looking back to you as you whimper and fidget. "Hey, hey," he coos, cupping your face in his palms. "Half way there, Doll. How's it feel?"
     "Like you're gonna split me in half," you ramble out, looking up at him with the softest eyes he's ever seen. "Please, c-can we take a break? You're jus' so big..."
     "Of course, sweet girl," he leans down, careful to keep his hips locked despite how badly he just want to slam into your welcoming heat, and kisses you. Stroking your cheek bones with his thumbs. "You feel so good, like heaven." 
    The praise makes your rapidly beating heart skip a beat. "Mingi?"
    "Yes," he moans in response, looking deep into your eyes.
    "I think I'm falling in love with you." The sudden confession makes his cock twitch, his heart jumping into his throat. "Is that silly?"
     He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, which are admittedly a chaotic mess.
    "If it is, we would be silly together."
     "You mean-"
    "Yes."
    You grip his shoulders and lean up, pressing your lips to his in an act of pure desire. The both of you get lost in each other, tongues darting out and lapping at one another like a lifeline.
    Sufficiently covered in each others spit, you pull back. "Keep going, I want to take all of you." You have a newfound confidence after your short trade of admissions, demanding that he go on and fuck you.
      A few more moments of excruciating stretching pass when you suddenly feel his pelvis flush with your clit, both of you panting like wild animals as you feel each other completely.
     "Holy shit, Baby," he sneers, resting his face in the crook of your neck, taking in deep breaths of your scent to keep himself from jack hammering into you. You are truly the best thing to ever happen to him, and your cunt molding into the shape of him is just a bonus.
      There are no words that you can find in your brain. All if it is wiped away as you feel his rock hard cock stretching you out, filling you wall to wall. When he breaths out, a content sigh into your neck, you feel the veins on his length pressing into your gummy walls. "Hah~" Is all you can manage, thoughts turned into mush as he begins to slowly pull back out- just an fraction of an inch. Before sliding back in quickly. "Fuck!"
     "Doll, please, please," he whimpers, holding onto your waist tightly as he rolls his hips, "please say you're ready, I don't know how long I can take it."
    "Y-" the second the first syllable is utter from your lips, he's already pulled out half way, "yes!" He thrust back in, steady and slow at first.
Words are lost between you - minds absolutely flooding with hormones as he begins thrusting harder, faster. Moans, groans, loud whimpers. The slapping of your skin is so loud that even the rain pounding at the window can't drown it out.
He's stuffing you beyond your wildest imagination. His cock was made to stretch you so deliciously, and your pussy was made to take it.
It's his dream coming to life, quite literally, as your eyes roll back to the depths of your head and you're squeezing him tighter than before. It's almost impossible for him to keep thrusting, but he finds a way.
He grips your hips tight and is making you bounce on his cock effortlessly, all the while pounding his hips into yours. He's so deep inside of you, it feels like he can feel the same coil in your gut that you do. And it's about shatter.
He slips a hand down and begins swirling his fingers over your clit, pushing you off the edge roughly, making you cream over his member with a broken yell of his name. He leans in, all of his weight on you as fucks you through it harshly. His lips right next to your ear.
"You. Are. Mine."
And with that, a warmth like no other spreads inside of you.
Nearly two months passed like they were nothing, days seemed to fly with you by his side.
     He felt he finally had a place where he belonged.
    He found himself work cleaning peoples guns in the bar, even selling and trading some.
    He had a bed to go to at the end of the day. After that first time together, you both rearranged the room. Pushing your beds together under the window and putting the dresser on the wall.
     He had the other half of his soul. You. He knew everything there was to know about you, and you knew everything there was to know about him. Well- all he was willing to tell. Sometimes, there was a dark glint in his eyes that made you feel like you didn't know the full story of the man you shared your life with. But all doubt faded away when he smiled at you.
     All was well- more than well. It was perfect.
      Until a group of strangers rode into town. Strangers to the town. But strangers to Mingi, they were not.
     He walked into the bar and Mingis heart stopped. He saw all of his hard work to get you, to settle, to make a life- all of it- vanish. It disappeared.
     "Fuck me," he groans, keeping his head low and cursing himself for not wearing his hat today. He hopes that he'll go unnoticed. But that hope is squashed when the man slides into the booth across from him.
     "Well, slap my ass and call me Pamela. Song Mingi!" The rowdy man immediately catches Louis' attention from behind the bar.
     "Why are you here, Buck?" Mingi keeps his tone low, hostile.
   "You know why I'm here. You want in?" The man, Buck, has a smirk playing mischievously on his lips.
     "No. You, and whoever else you drug into this town are leaving. This town is off limits."
     Buck lets out a shrill chuckle, "says who?"
     "Says me. This is my town. Get the fuck out before I shoot you." Mingi growls, placing his pistol on the table, finger twitching at the trigger.
      That gets Louis' full attention, his hand immediately unlocking the safety on his gun as he makes his way over. "Mingi, who's your friend?" He hates to admit, but he's grown fond of Mingi over these long winter days.
     "He's leaving. Ain't that right?" Mingi tilts his head at Buck, who takes a look around. Multiple patrons of the bar have their hands on their guns, ready to draw.
     He isn't stupid. Mingi is apart of these people now and they'll protect him.
    "Yeah, that's right." He slides out of the booth, giving Mingi a seemingly innocent smile. But Mingi knows him all too well. "I'm glad you finally found yourself a nice girl to settle down with."
      With that finally threatening congratulations, he's back out the bar the way he came. Mingi watches from the window with wide eyes as he joins the posse of men outside. As soon as they start wandering away, looking into shops and other such buildings Mingi has come to be so fond of, he snaps into action.
    He runs up the stairs, nearly bumping his head. They've been casing the town, that's the only way he'd know about you.
      "Mingi!" Louis follows after him, slowed by age.
     He finds him reaching under the bed, staring bamboozled as he places gun after gun after gun into the mattress. "Mingi!"
      He ignores the panicking man, loading all of them up. "Son!" His head snaps up, tears threatening his waterline.
      "Louis, they're going to raid the town."
"What...?"
"I don't have time to explain, I have to go- go get (Y/n). You need to gather everyone who knows how to shoot. I n-"
"Boy, I don't care much for nonsense."
"Listen to me, Louis!" He clearly panicked, an expression he's never seen from him before. "What reason do I have to lie? This is my home too! This is my home and my woman, and I'll be damned if I let Buckey fuck-face and his thugs ruin it!" In his panic, Mingi doesn't notice the ring that falls from his bag as he gets out more ammunition.
Louis bends down next to Mingi and picks it up, puzzle pieces falling together in his mind.
Mingi snatches it back and shoves it in the bag.
"You're gonna propose to my little girl?"
"Not if we all die," Mingi responds shortly, shoving an armful of guns into Louis.
   They share a look.
    It seems Mingi made a similar promise to himself about you.
"Go and fetch her, don't raise any suspicion. If the townspeople know what's coming, it'll start a panic."
Mingi gives him a short nod. To say yes, sir. To say thank you.
He keeps his head down, hat covering his face as he weaves his way to the very back of the town. Trying his damnedest to avoid everyone from his past.
When he successfully makes it to the river, he spots you and is filled with relief.
    You hum quietly to yourself, bundled up in his large poncho to protect yourself from the frigid January weather as you clean your clothes.
    The harsh winds whip your loose hairs around, makes the clothes on the line flap loudly.
"(Y/n)!"
"Hey, Darlin-" He pulls you up, holding you close to his side as he drags you away, "what're you doing?"
"Just keep your head down, when we get back to the bar, go to our room, lock yourself in the bathroom. Okay?"
"Min, you're scarin' me..."
"Do you understand?" He asks firmly, stopping at the edge of town, turning you to face him.
He looks deadly serious. You haven't seen this kind of look since the first day you met. So you nod, committing what he said to memory.
"I love you," he kisses you deeply, shortly.
And then he drags you through town, and into the bar. But he pushes you right behind him when you walk in.
Buck has Miss Maria and Louis tied up, pushed to the floor. The few patrons are gone, and the yelling outside tells him Louis' plan to keep things calm has failed. Multiple men are rummaging around the bar, cleaning out the register. He can't hear any noise above them, and he's thankful that the entrance to your small home is so well hidden by the corner. 
     He feels you grip the back of his leather jacket, and he's about to turn and tell you to run when he feels you get ripped away.
     Your scream echos in the building as one of Bucks men tears you away, and Mingi has to stop himself from shooting the man the second he puts his hands on you. Doing that will just get you all killed.
He's deadly silent as he watches the man toss you to the floor. His gun was drawn the second you got tore away, and he's itching to use it.
You try to scramble away, but Buck comes up behind you and places his boot on your back, shoving you back down with a thud. Maria is sobbing uncontrollably into her hands, Louis' jaw is locked in anger as he looks away.
He bends down, putting more pressure on your spine. He grips your hair and turns your face to the side. "Well, well," he smirks, "you're even prettier up close, ain't you?"
Everyone stops in their tracks as you spit in his face. "Fuck you!" One of the men closest to you has a gun to your head in the next second, but you refuse to break.
"Feisty, I like that," he shoves your head to the floor, hitting it against it roughly. Mingi is seeing red as the world around him resumes, men ransacking the bar and chortling at your family. His family.
      "Buck."
   "Oh?" He turns, leaving you on the floor, "got something to say, pansy?"
     "Yeah." His eyes flick to yours as you push yourself up dizzily, and over to one of the booths before Buck even realizes he's looked away. "You need a key for the safe. I gonna give it to you, and youre gonna take it and leave."
     "Is that so? That's what's gonna happen?"
   "That's what's gonna happen."
   "You really lost your guts, aye? Found a nice girl and a cozy town and decided you're too good for this life, I see."
    Mingi slips his pistol back into its holster on his hip, sauntering over to the bar with all eyes on him. He stands infront of Maria and Louis, shielding them from what's about to come. "You see it how it is, then." He lifts up the pot of dying chrysanthemums in the middle of the wooden island and scoops up the key. His eyes spot you curling up under the booth he glanced at. Thank goodness you got the message.
      Cause shit is about to hit the fan.
    He tosses the key to Buck, and as his hands raise up to catch it-
     He puts a bullet in his brain.
     You can't help the scream that rips past your lips, covering your ears and hiding your face in your knees.
    As the men behind the bar start shooting at him, he ducks, shielding the older couple as the men infront of them begin firing. But he's too quick. Only one of them gets close, grazing his shoulder and stunning him briefly. He drops his pistol and takes the larger gun off of his back, propping it up over the island blindly and spraying the rest of the men in a hail of bullets.
     And then all is silent.
    With a heavy heart, you look up from your lap. The building is covered in blood, light seeps in from the holes in the walls caused by stray bullets. Maria is crying silently. Louis is looking at Mingi in shock as he falls onto his backside, holding his bleeding shoulder. 
     "What the hell was that, boy?"
     "That was me saving your ass."
    Mingi and Louis, with the help of a few good samaritans, cleared the bodies out of the bar and drug them to the outskirts of town. Leaving them for the coyotes and bears. If it were up to him, Mingi would have hung them up as an example.
     Maria, seemingly in shock, scrubs the floor with a blank face as you fix up the register and dig out all of the bars belongings from the bandits bags.
     You feel a roll of papers at the bottom of one of the bag. A silent hum of amusement leaves you as you see what it is. They kept their own wanted posters. Proud of what they've done. You flip through them. Maybe out of morbid curiosity of who your boyfriend just gunned down.  And then you get to one who you know wasn't a victim.
     Because he was the gunner.
    Mingis face in a sketch stares up at you.
    WANTED.
    DO NOT APPROACH. ALERT THE AUTHORITIES.
 DANGEROUS FUGITIVE. SONG MINGI.
    The door to the bar swings open.
   The world spins around you as you look up from the drawing. And come face to face with it, brought to life.
    "Mingi..."
    "Are you okay, Doll?"
   You can't seem to find any words that describe the way your heart is breaking. Louis approaches you first, his own heart stopping as he sees what's held in your trembling hands. He tears it from you, glaring down like it's a hallucination.
    "Who are you?" Is all you can manage to whisper, backing away with a grip on your uncles sleeve as Mingi steps forward.
     "What is that?" He nods to the paper, although deep down he has an idea of what it is.
   Maria snaps out of her trance, joining your side, a gasp leaving her lips as she looks back and forth from the paper to Mingi.
     "You get out of here, you never show your face in this town again," Louis grips the man's collar and pulls him to his level, "You're lucky my girls are watching or I'd hold true to my promise."
     Mingi shoves him away and grabs the paper from Maria, his worst thoughts come true as he sees himself staring back at him.
     "Wh..." He trails of in a whisper, heart breaking into a million pieces as you look at him fearfully. Like you did the first time you met. He thought he'd never have to see that look again. "(Y/n), please, hear me out."
     Maria holds you to her chest as he approaches. "I knew I sensed evil in you, boy." She bares her teeth at him as she seethes, like a wild mother bear.
"Leave," your voice trembles, raw with all of the emotions that are flooding you. You lean further into your aunts arms as he reaches out for you. "You lied to me! I never want to see you again! I ought to turn you in!"
    "You have to believe me, I'm not like that anymore. Baby, listen! I only did what I had to to survive, you don't understand. I'm not like them!" He fights against Louis as he drags him to the door. "Please, I love you!" He's thrown off the porch, only getting a glimpse of you as you crumble to the floor before the door is slammed in his face.
Mingi drapes his mare's reigns over a poll, trudging through the snow until he's at a familiar door.
He doesn't bother knocking. He barges in and stares down at the man at the desk.
"Mingi, long time no s-"
"I have a job for you." He slaps down a wad of cash, "more where this came from when you're done."
The man sighs, but takes the cash, thumbing through it. "And why don't you do it?"
Mingi ignores the question. "Louis and Maria Donelley. Shoot them, make it quick. (Y/n) (L/n). Tie her up on the tracks."
He hesitates for a moment. But in the end, "More where this came from, huh?"
     It's been three days since Mingi has gone away. Rather, since he was forced away by his past and your reaction to it.
     You've slept for most of that time. Cried the rest. You barely eat. Barely talk. You hardly even move off your side of the once-shared bed.
    Maria, Louis, all of your friends tried to comfort you. Telling you that he was just a fling. That the one for you will come around and make all of the pain Mingi left disappear.
     They don't know that Mingi was the one.
     He made you so happy. Happier than you'd ever been. He made everything seem... right.
     "Hey, Dear," Louis knocks at the wall, slowly coming ascending into the room.
     "I don't want the soup, Uncle Lou..."
     "Auntie!" Ellis comes barreling past Louis and jumps onto the bed, hugging you tightly.
     "Ellis? Hey, Buddy!" You force a smile as you hug him back, sitting up with a groan and holding the child in your lap. "How you been?"
      Ellis goes on and on about what the new teacher from the city is teaching his class, a big smile on his face. Louis sees the smile pulling at your lips in the slightest, and he excuses himself silently.
     He, admittedly, is a very good distraction from your pain.
You spend quite a few hours playing with him, catching up on the things that are going on in town. He drops the ball onto the jacks and giggles loudly as it rolls away, under the bed. "I'll get it, set us up another round."
You bend down and feel around for it blinding, heart skipping a beat as you feel Mingis bag. You haven't found the courage to touch any of his things, even if to throw them away.
You move away from it and grip the ball, rolling it back to Ellis. "El, I'm feeling a bit tired, why don't you come back tomorrow."
"Aw... okay! I'll bring Violet and we can play outside!"
"See you then, Kiddo," you ruffle his hair as he passes you to leave.
It was a nice break from your sorrows while it lasted.
You crawl back into your half of the bed as the sun sets in the window above it, pulling Mingis pillow into your arms as you sob yourself to sleep once again.
Deep into the night, you feel the bed dip. You open your eyes with the littlest inkling of hope that Mingi has returned despite your harsh words his way.
But you're only met with a stranger.
You open your mouth to scream, but only get a small squeak out before you are met with a hit on the head.
You awake as your body is tossed into the air, a loud groan leaving you as you collide with something hard. Through your blurry vision, you can see the moon high above you.
You look to the side, and you put two and two together that you're in a wooden cart as you see the stranger from above your bed riding on a horse that's got you attached to it. "Hey-" You croak out, getting his attention.
"Morning!" He yells, making you wince. You have a splitting headache. "Just in time for the show," he mumbles under his breath, pulling the horse to a stop.
You can hear him shuffling around in the snow, and you try to sit up before you realize you can't. Your entire body is tied in a thick rope.
The back of the cart opens up, and you try -you try so hard- to shimmy away as he reaches in and grabs your foot. But to no avail.
      He pulls you from the cart and lets you fall into the snow. It wets the back of your nightgown and hair, soaks your thin socks and makes you shiver. You don't think you've ever been this scared. Even during the shootout, Mingi was there to protect you.
      You watch with a fresh set of tears brewing in your eyes as you watch the man double knot some ropes onto the tracks. "Oh my God..."
      He ignores as you begin to beg for your life, telling him all sorts of things about you to try and make him sympathetic. "- and his name is Louis, he took me in when my parents died! Uncle Lou and Aunt Maria, please! She'd die of heartbreak!" He scoffs, knowing she's already dead. So is Uncle Lou.
    He followed Mingis request and made it quick.
       He pulls you by your binds to the tracks, the metal on the tracks is the coldest thing you've ever felt and it makes you yelp. You cry out in the night as he begins tying the ropes on the tracks to the ropes on your body.
    "Please, why are you doing this?!" Your voice shook with pure horror, tugging at the ropes that were wrapped around your entire body and tied to the tracks by the bandit. He crouched down at your feet and smirked, his simple answer making you cry all the harder.
     "Why not?"
   All of your pleas and prayers fall to deaf ears as the man turns away and to his cart, rummaging in his chest. The tracks begins to shake and you begin to except your fate. You turn your head to the side and watch the pebbles rumble, your sobs visible in puffs of air as you exhale into the harsh winter air.
    A loud thud and a groan makes you look back, and you see a tall figure on a familiar white horse.
    "Mingi!" He drops the crowbar he used to whack the man as he rode past.
    He looks back at you briefly- his face hidden by his droopy hat. But you can tell he's pissed. His jaw clenched and shoulders tense before a gunshot rings out and he ducks and rolls off of Mare, slapping her to make her run away as he draws his own gun.
    Between the rattling of the tracks and the thrumming of your heart, you can barely force yourself to watch as he approaches the man bravely, your eyes flicking from them to the horizon repeatedly. A sob of his name makes him pause for a split second before he comes back to his body.
    "Too close," Mingi scowls at the man, using his gun to smack his hand and make him drop his, kicking it away as he scrambles for it.
    "Aye, man, I did what yo-"
    "Too close."
    "Just give me my mon-"
       His gun smokes by his side in the next second as the man drops to the desert floor dead. He takes a moment to bask in the way the blood pools in the pure white snow before the steam whistle catches his attention.
      "Mingi, please!" He drops everything and runs to the tracks, crawling over your body and looking at your binds frantically. "Mingi, oh my God, please- I'm so sorry! Please untie me, hurry," you babble on in a panic as the train appears just over the horizon, sobs wracking you body under his as he tugs at the ropes.
     Your horror breaks his heart, but he knows it's necessary. He knows he has a knife strapped to his back, but he plays the panic card and 'forgets' as he forces a false worry onto his face. He won't let anything happen to his Doll, but you're too caught up in your fight or flight to remember that.
    "I got you, I got you," he murmurs as he pulls the ropes on one of your sides undone, taking his sweet time with the other as he watches the train grow ever closer- the conductor blaring the horn.
     Your free hand grasps at him, clawing at his leather jacket, eyes wide and soaked with tears as you stare down your death as it barrels towards you. Just a few feet away.
    Mingi yanks you up and falls to the ground besides the tracks with you on top of him, hands roughly holding you to his chest as his hat blows away with the wind that the train creates. You willingly slump into him, sobbing into his warm chest as the tracks rattle loudly besides you, drowning out your cries.
     He relishes in the way you cling to him well after the train passes, not daring move away from your savior as you cry your heart out and ramble on to him about how you're so sorry and how you never would have really turned him in and on and on until he silences you with a tender hug.
    He knows all of this. His Doll would never betray him. But it's best that he get a subconscious message through your thick, naive, skull early on.
   The message being: the attempt to leave him has failed miserably. Why even try to leave when he's so clearly your fate?
Mingi locks the bar door behind him as he carries you into the building. He kicks off his boots. He knows you hate the mess.
    It was silent the entire way back to town.
And it remains that was as he carries you up the stairs and to bed. He doesn't even acknowledge you as he gets you some clean, dry clothes.
"Mingi..."
He sighs, shoulders dropping.
"I'm s-"
"I thought you hated me?"
"Min... I was just- just in shock! Why didn't you tell me you were... an outlaw?"
He kneels at the bed and slips your socks off, replacing them with a warm, thick pair.
The moonlight seeps in through the sheer curtains and paints your skin in a haze of blue. The bruise on your temple like a water color bloom.
"Because I was afraid." He bites his lip as it trembles. That's the plain truth. He was afraid you'd leave if you found out all the things he'd done. But now that you know, he still doesn't plan on letting you leave. "Please forgive me, Doll."
He lowers his head into your lap and smirks as he feels your hand rest on his hair.
"Come back home, Mingi."
"Really?" He looks up with the most puppy like gaze you've ever seen.
You nod, wiping your tears away, "I don't care what the others have to say. We can leave this place if we have to, I just need to be with you, M-" His lips collide onto yours as he pounces on you, pushing you onto the bed and nipping at your lips like he's starved. And he is, because-
"I missed you so fucking much, Doll," he growls into your lips, melting into you as you wrap your arms around him. It feels like it's the first time in forever, and it is to him.
"I love you, Mingi," you whisper as you look up at him, chasing after him as he sits up on his knees.
     He lifts your ruined nightgown, looking down at you as if you're a work of art as he tosses it away. "I love you," he whispers back, cupping your breast in his warm, big hands. "I love you so much it hurts."
You lay back with a moan, arching into his touch. Your mind is so fried from this weeks events, all you want to do is disappear into him.
     And you let it be know. "Take your clothes off." You tug at his buckled belt with an utterance, licking your lips at the sight of his happy trail. "Show me how much you missed me. Show me how much you love me."
     Your sultry words have him undressing in a hurry,  slamming his pistol down on the nightstand he made and kissing you deeply as he removes his belt, heart beating rapidly as you cup his cheeks to bring him closer.
     You're the closest to heaven he's ever been. Kissing down his neck and stroking his back. He doesn't know how or why this infatuation grew into something wild and untamable. And frankly, he doesn't care.
       You are quickly working to undress his top half while he kicks his pants away, letting his larger gun clatter to the floor. You no longer care if he leaves them out. You just want him home.
      "I was so worried about you, Baby," he pants, "I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry," he places kiss after kiss after kiss on your face, rubbing your thighs as he slides between them. "I love you. I adore you. I want you. I'm yours. You're mine." Every statement is accompanied by a kiss.
      "I'm so sorry, Min," you look deep into his eyes as he rubs his member on your wetness, "you're my one and only. I don't care what you've done to get here. As long as I have you in my arms. As long as I'm in yours."
     He hugs you tightly, forehead against yours as he slips inside of you. "I will never leave you," he moans out, settling deep inside of you as you pant and whine.
    You've taken him quite a few times at this point, but never like this.
    He always takes his time sinking into you, reveling in the slow stretch.
    But not tonight. Not after what you've been through. He needs to feel you, and now.
     He needs to feel your emotional connection on a physical plane. And so do you. That's why you don't stop him or push him away as he lowers into you quickly.
     You ground yourself by wrapping your arms under his and gripping his shoulders, careful of his healing wound.
     His chest against yours, heart beats drumming together as you try to disappear into each others being.
    Affectionate touches are left all over the both of your bodies. Tender kisses and promises of love.
    "You're all I ever wanted," you whisper into his chest as he starts a languid pace. "I want to be yours, tell me I'm yours."
"You're mine, Doll, all mine." He speaks ever so softly, cradling your head to his chest. He can't believe how lucky he's gotten.
"Make me believe you, show me I'm yours."
And he does.
     God knows how or why Song Mingi has so much stamina, but no amount of time passed stops him from pounding into you, he stops when he thinks you've had enough.
     He's made you cum seven times through the night, and with the sun beginning to rise out the window, he's still at it.
     Its been hours, and his pace hasn't slowed one bit. If anything, your pants and whines stir him on and he almost hammers into you. The quick in and out rhythm makes him moan. Your heat encasing him as the cold winter air seeps in through the walls that makes him want to bury himself in your body and never leave.
    He knows he's big. He's so big and you're small compared to him. But he doesn't care when he's balls deep in your sore and swollen pussy. He makes you take it to the base and chuckles deeply when you try and crawl away.
    "Min- can't take it," you sob, but that doesn't stop him.
    He grips your hips roughly and pulls your clit flush to his pelvis, holding you there as you squeal out, banging your fists onto your shared bed.
     "Fuck you can't, your pussy was made for me to stretch out." His next thrust sends your hips into the mattress, finally able to rest your exhausted body as he plunges into you from behind.
      Each rough thrust wipes away every thought from your mind until it's all Mingi.
   Mingi is so deep.
   Mingi is so thick.
   Mingi fucks you so good.
   Mingi treats you so good.
   Mingi loves you.
   Mingi.
   Mingi.
      "Mingi!" You moan out loudly into the pillows as you seize up, eyes rolling into the back of your head as you cum all over him. Vision dark and blurry, drooling all over the place, barely conscious after your eighth orgasm around his massive girth.
     He's panting and growling into your ear, continuing to thrust. He's relentless. He's really out to break you.
      "Please," you slur, wracking your slush of a brain for a way to get him to cum. You love him, and you love fucking him. But he just won't stop until he cums. And he won't cum until you essentially force him. He's so hell bent on making you get there, he forgets about himself, like he's outside of his own body. And he's extra determined after almost losing you. Your usual tricks haven't worked. So you pull out the big guns. "Please, Min... put a baby in me." Oh, you know him all too well. He's made multiple comments about how good you are with children. How pretty you'd look with that pregnancy glow, your belly round with his baby.
    "F-fuck, Doll," it seems as if that is enough to satisfy his hunger, slamming his tip into your womb and filling you with his warm and sticky seed so much that it splashes back on him and makes a mess of his lower stomach.
Still buried deep inside of you, uncaring of the mess, he lays ontop of your back gently and wraps his arms around your shoulders, his head next to yours. You shaking breaths and trembling legs calmed by his warmth over your entire body.
     "Holy fucking shit," you whimper, making him chuckle quietly.
     He places a gently kiss to your shoulder, "I didn't go to hard, did I?"
    "You did... but I liked it."
    He smiles as he rests his head, hands rubbing up your arms and to your hands, intertwining yours fingers. "I love you." He states. Loud and proud. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to share everything with you and I don't want to keep anything from you. I want you all to myself. Will you marry me?"
    The words almost get lost in translation on their way to your endorphin flooded mind, and your silence makes him nervous. That is until- he sees the giant smile spreading on your lips. "Yes."
"Oh, thank goodness," he sighs a breath of relief followed by a soft laugh.
    "But you'd better get me a ring," you joke, groaning out as he slowly pulls out of your abused core. There's a smirk on his lips that you can't quite place as he gently turns you on your back and helps you get comfortable.
     He reaches under the bed and grabs his bag. "You didn't-"
    "I did," he has his signature shit-eating-grin on his face as he takes it out. A dainty, pretty, thing. Much like he sees you.
      He cuddles into your side, fur blanket draped over your lower halves. Calloused and rough hands take yours. Gently and loving with you. Their past of violence is lost as he slides the ring onto your finger tenderly.
     "Mrs. Song."
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hi i love your work a lot i've been reading it a lot during this difficult blood moon time. i have a request if you don't mind tackling it!! this is gonna be very specific, but yandere! stalker x reader, BUT the yandere is not stalking reader -- the yandere is stalking a popular girl the reader knows in passing, and reader figures "well, i could use some extra cash", so reader approaches stalker and offers to sell phone numbers of popular girl, hangs out with stalker, and unintentionally ends up becoming the new target of stalker. surprised pikachu face on reader's end that her plan has backfired. bonus points if popular girl that same morning is like "i think stalker guy has finally stopped following me" before the reveal. thank you for reading :)
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Based on your post, Imma assume she/her pronouns for our darling (you know what, I relate, gimme the money lmaoooo)
(Reader) slammed her hand down onto the cafe's table, startling the nervous looking man hiding behind his long, shaggy hair. He had been so focused on staring at Jenny (❤️), the angel of campus, and his unrequited love (of three months). Axle fumbled with his camera, nearly dropping it on the floor as he scurried to hide it in his lap.
"Um.. hi?" His exhausted eyes darted around the coffee shop, too nervous to look directly at the woman standing above him. "May I help you?"
"So you're Jenny's stalker." (Reader) smiled coyly, pulling a chair closer towards Axle so she could sit uncomfortably close to him.
His pasty skin flushed deep maroon, sweating under the harsh accusation . "No, you're wrong, I-I'm not-"
The poor hooded man was cut off by (Reader) grabbing his camera, too horrified by the situation to make a scene in the packed area. (Reader) flipped through the pictures, her smile fading as her eyebrows knit into a disappointed scowl.
"Damn, these pictures... suuuuck."
Axle was shocked, not expecting that response. "What?" His face went slack like a fish, unable to compute the young woman's critique.
"They're all... blurry. And, off center? Out of focus..." She handed back his camera, now with a look of mild pity. "Dude.."
With shaky hands, Axle yanked the camera back, not knowing if he should still be scared that he was caught, or offended.
"When Jenny was talking about how nervous she felt, having a stalker, I thought.. I thought you would be different." (Reader) cupped her chin in her hands, leaning in further, forcing Axle to lean awkwardly to the side, away from the strange woman. She seemed to be debating something, carefully contemplating her next steps. "Are you going to kill her?"
Axle gasped, mortified. "No! No, I would never!" He denied, a little louder than he had meant to. Axle sat stiff, fiddling with his camera. "I just.. really like her." A cute little blush dusted his cheeks, making (Reader) pray she wasn't being a fool.
She slipped a hand into her jacket pocket, and pulled out a picture of Jenny, one not from her social media. Axle grabbed it, admiring how the sunlight looked like a halo illuminating Jenny's hair. "Where did you get this?" Axle asked, full of awe as he stroked the image.
"I took it." (Reader) replied smugly. "Do you want it?"
Axle nodded, unable to pry his eyes away from the image. (Reader) pulled the picture back out of his hands, watching him whimper with a cold, unamused expression on her face.
"Twenty bucks."
"Huh?"
"Twenty bucks, and this is yours." (Reader) sat back in her seat like a mob boss, legs spread wide and head cocked to the side.
Axle yanked his wallet out, and fished out a twenty, absolutely giddy over receiving such a wonderful picture of his beloved.
"Pleasure making business." (Reader) smiled, pleased with how easy it was to trap Axle in her web. "Of course, with how awful you are at stalking, will you be okay with just that little picture?"
The young man froze. Of course, she was right. He was clumsy and skittish, often getting noticed while following Jenny, getting chased by campus police. Even the pictures he took of her were rubbish. "What do you mean?" Axle asked only to be sure he wasn't misunderstanding the situation.
"I'll help you out. I'll continue taking pictures for you, get you private information on Jenny, whatever you want. And you pay me."
He smiled oddly. "Pay? What you're doing is a crime, and you're fine with that?"
(Reader) grinned back childishly. "As long as you pay me."
Despite how uncomfortable Axle was with the strange young woman who hadn't even introduced herself, he couldn't pass up this opportunity.
~ 1 week later ~
Axle waited behind a dumpster, not quite sure how X had gotten his phone number. He still hadn't learned the mystery woman's name, only that she was eccentric, and possibly watched too many crime thrillers. (Reader) had told him to call her X, thinking it best that he didn't know her true identity.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when (Reader) popped up behind him. "You got the cash?" Axle squeaked, grabbing his heart.
"You scared me!" Axle stuttered out, looking better than he had the first time they met. His hair was no longer greasy, and the bags under his eyes had lightened up.
'Looks like he's had more time to take care of himself, now that I'm doing the dirty work for him.' (Reader) thought, staring daggers at Axle. He became flustered under her gaze, shifting anxiously.
"What are you looking at?"
"Just wondering why you're stalking Jenny in the first place." Axle pouted, thinking that maybe this was just a set up to bully him. "You're actually pretty handsome when you've showered."
"Huh?"
"Like, conventionally speaking, by societal standards, you are attractive. Maybe stop slouching and find a better jacket? But yeah, pretty sure if you took care of yourself and just approached Jenny like a normal human being she would have liked you."
His ears became warm at (Reader's) words, trying not to smile at the image of Jenny calling him handsome.
"But, better for me that you're a weirdo." (Reader) smiled playfully, holding out a manila envelope full of pictures she had printed out. "Money!" She said it like a question, empty hand opened expectantly.
Axle grumbled, plopping a wad of cash into her hand as he grabbed the envelope, heart palpitating as he saw more exquisite pictures of Jenny. Each one was amazing, with a sense of professionalism in their quality.
"These are incredible."
"Yeah, yeah. She's, like, super hot, I know." (Reader) absentmindedly responded while counting her earnings.
"I meant the pictures, dick."
(Reader) then did something unexpectedly, she stopped counting, and it looked like a little blush bloomed ever so faintly, genuinely surprised by the compliment. "Oh. Uh, thanks."
Axle noticed the way her back went rigid and the way she averted her eyes. It was.. kinda cute. His brain short circuited. Did I just think she's cute?
~ 2 weeks later ~
Axle's door knocked insistently, rousing him from his slumber. No one ever visited his apartment, not even his parents, so Axle was suspicious of who it could be. "I'm coming!"
He unlocked the door to find X, standing their with a shit eating grin on her face. "I never want to hear you say that again."
(Reader) brushed past the blushing mess, barging into his dark and creepy apartment. "How - why - how??" Axle was almost on the verge of tears, zipping around his apartment faster than the Flash to try and clean up, scooping up arms full of dirty underpants and pizza boxes, and just throwing them into a closet.
"Because I'm actually good at my job, that's how." She smiled triumphantly, flopping onto his bed while taking off her bag. "You know, it was really easy making friends with Jenny. She's so sweet.. it makes me feel a little guilty." (Reader) faked a sniffle, pretending to be torn up. "Maybe we should end this.."
"What? No!" Axle panicked, immediately regretting acting like a fool, as "X" removed her hands from her face, revealing dry eyes and a sarcastic smirk.
"Maybe I'll stay.. if you give me a raise."
Axle looked shocked, like he had actually believed (Reader). It was cute. "Fine.. whatever." He groaned, still standing with his arms cross.
"Aren't you going to sit down? I've got some things to show ya." (Reader) patted the bed.
"No!" Axle replied way too quickly, embarrassed about sitting with a girl in his bed. "I mean.. I'm fine standing." He rubbed his neck, avoiding eye contact as usual.
"You know, I know I'm not Jenny levels of hot, but it hurts that you never even look at me." (Reader) deadpanned, pulling out a pad of paper from her backpack, along with another envelope of pictures. "In this little notebook I have Jenny's phone number, her mom's phone number, her dad's phone number, I have her dorm address, I have her family's home address, I have the contact info for her past three exes, and I also wrote down some stuff I learned from talking to her, like the kind of guy she likes, her favorite food, her allergies, a bunch of stuff."
Axle was shocked, and kind of startled, by how thorough (Reader) was. He enjoyed following Jenny between classes, making sure she got where she needed to go, and yeah he liked climbing up the side of the dormitory to try and watch her sleeping, but this was beyond anything he ever could have hoped for.
"Wow. Maybe you do deserve that raise." He opened the envelope, ignoring (Reader) as she bragged about how she got all that information, overwhelmed yet again by (Reader's) photography skills. "Have you ever thought about becoming a photographer?"
(Reader) paused her rambling, nervously shifting her gaze away. Axle was beginning to suspect that she didn't receive compliments all that often, which was a shame, because she certainly was talented. Axle felt his heart thump heavily again.
"I, uh, never thought about it.." (Reader) lied. "Why, you think I should?"
Why did she look so cute right now, nervously asking a creep who was paying her to stalk someone if he approved of her talents?
As he was about to answer, he found a selfie of Jenny and (Reader) together. "What's this?"
"Oh, sorry that wasn't supposed to be in there. Jenny saw my camera and asked if we could take a pic together." (Reader) made a move to grab it, but Axle held it up out of her reach. Strangely, he realized that he had never seen the two side by side, and for some reason in the picture of the two of them together Ms. X was way cuter.
"I'll keep this one too."
"Huh? Why?"
"I like it."
~ 1 month later ~
Axle stared into the bright blue light of his laptop, looking at (Reader's) face. It was difficult to find her, as she didn't have much of a social media presence, and Axle didn't know her name, but he finally found her. He kept telling himself that he was just curious in what kind of lunatic agreed to work as a professional stalker, and why the hell was she so good at it? But as he lost track of time staring at the terrible family photos her mother posted online, he started to question why he never seemed to notice her before.
It felt even worse, since she noticed him.
The pictures she took were all neatly packed in a drawer except for the selfie she took with Jenny. Axle kept arguing with himself, insisting that that was simply the best picture of Jenny by far. But he knew deep down it wasn't the truth.
He had started to lose sleep again, trying to dig up information on his partner on crime. Partners in crime. Axle smacked himself in the head, pulling his hoodie down over his mop of hair. Unfortunately, he was a college student, and had classes to attend.
Out in the corridor, he heard the most wonderful sound in the world. (Reader's) maniacal laughter. Even when out with normal people, (Reader) didn't mask who she was. She was walking with a group of popular students, all cracking up over something one of them had said, and Axle was jealous.
(Reader) looked so natural with that crowd, hanging out like she wasn't a loser like him, glowing so brightly that Axle didn't see Jenny right away. He knew (Reader) said that she had "infiltrated their ranks" in order to learn more about Jenny for him, but it was still incredible to see. Axle wondered if he would look just as natural by their side, after all, (Reader) had said that Axle was "handsome". He suddenly became self conscious, regretting not showering before he left his apartment. When was the last time he washed this coat? Why hadn't he bought a new one when (Reader) suggested it?
It was almost like he had to remind himself to look at Jenny. She didn't look as angelic as he remembered.
~ 2 months later ~
"What made you like Jenny?" (Reader) asked, scrolling on her phone while lounging on Axle's bed. Axle was watching (Reader) while pretending to look at the pictures she had taken. She was so exposed, lying there as though this was just a friend's place, not a man's bed. Axle tried not to feel excitement seeing (Reader) so comfortable in his presence.
"I'm, um, not sure." And that was the truth. Why did he like Jenny? The way she smiled? Was it simply how beautiful she was?
The more he grew to know (Reader) as a person, the more beautiful he found her to be. Jenny paled in comparison to (Reader).
It was too embarrassing to tell (Reader) the truth, that the woman he loved so much that he couldn't stop thinking about her 24/7, now simply didn't interest him. Not like (Reader) did. If I take a picture of her, would she hate me?
"You should take more selfies." Axle stated, out of the blue.
"Why?" (Reader) snorted.
"Because you're pretty.." He blushed softly, smiling at the picture of (Reader) he kept on his desk.
~ 4 months later ~
(Reader) smiled wide eyed, almost unable to contain her surprise. "What?"
"Yeah, he's just, disappeared." Jenny took a sip from her coffee, confused but not complaining. "I haven't noticed that creepy fuck following me around, like, at all lately."
Many thoughts passed through (Reader's) mind like rapid fire. Was everything okay with Axle? Did he lose interest in his beloved? And if he did, was she no longer going to get paid?!
(Reader) ran to Axle's apartment as soon as the coast was clear. Partially worried for his well being, mostly worried for her pay check.
She didn't bother knocking, instead throwing open the door like she owned the place. Axle stood in the middle of his room, confused, and pink in the face. He had a fresh hair cut, showing off his dark eyes, and he had a new outfit on, one that fit him better than his oversized stained hoodie. "(Reader)? What are you doing here?"
"I was just-" she stuttered, blushing violently. He was incredibly attractive, towering over her now that he was standing with better posture. "Wait, how did you know my name?!"
An ominous feeling crept over her, as she thought about how many times she laid in his bed, not knowing that he was falling out of love with his target. He smiled sweetly at (Reader), behind him was a new camera he had bought for her, as a gift. Axle had meant to propose a new deal with (Reader), requesting pictures of her instead, but she had caught him dressing up in the clothes he bought to impress her. He pulled her into his room.
(Reader) only noticed the pictures of her scattered across the floor as Axle locked the door.
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imagineredwood · 4 months
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Daddy Yandere Chibs with A? Number 3?
I have a HUNGER for Daddy!!!
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Summary: Chibs has honored your foolish wishes for a separation for the last month, but you still haven't come to your senses yet, so it's time for Daddy to bring you back home; by any means necessary.
Warnings: ...it's a yandere drabble 🧍🏻‍♀️ So stalking, manipulation, what could be perceived as emotional abuse because of the manipulation. As always, these are just for fun, not to be taken as a healthy or safe relationship. No means no and turning up at someone's work when they don't want you to or anywhere they're at for that matter is creepy af in real life!! Also daddy kink. I wrote it with somewhat of a big age gap in mind but it doesn't have to be read like that 💕
Also just as a reminder, since dark content isn’t for everyone, I don’t use the regular tag lists for these, only specific taglist for those who want to read the darker content. I wouldn’t want to expose someone that didn’t want to read it. So if you DO want to be tagged, let me know
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"You shouldn't be here. This is my workplace. I don't have time for this."
Chibs didn't flinch as you rejected him, his stance relaxed as he leaned against the wall of your breakroom. He'd been dying to see you. He'd given you the space you had asked for, knowing that of course that wasn't what you truly wanted. But he'd given it to you anyway. You would see soon enough that being apart from him wasn't actually what you wanted at all. Yet it was going on a month now, and he had decided that enough was enough.
So he'd ridden over to your job to get you back and now here you were, acting as if you were simply too busy to speak to the man who had loved and protected you these last few years.
"Oh course ya do, Lass. You're on break. You've got,"
He made a show of looking down at his watch and calculating.
"Got 24 minutes left of break, I reckon."
You swallowed dryly, realizing that he did have a point. You took your break at the same time every day. You'd used that break to talk to him on the phone most days. Of course, he would remember. So you tried a different tactic.
"How did you even get in here? It's employees only back here."
The Son nodded, eyes warm as they regarded you, a hint of playful ridicule there as well.
"I've lived in this town a long while, love. Longer than you. All I had to do was ask."
He pulled off the wall then, standing at his full height, taking each slow step one at a time.
"Everyone knows me here. Knows us. All that yellin' about me being so controlling, yet you didn't tell your work to keep me out?"
You gulped as he stalked toward you, eyes on you every second.
"Didn't put me on some kinda list? Didn't tell them that if they saw me to call the cops? None of that?"
You stared at him as your heart pounded in your chest. He wouldn't hurt you; never. But you wouldn't put it past him to somehow manipulate you and the situation into ending with you giving him another chance. All if would take is the feeling of his hands, warm and loving as they caressed you, and your resolve would fall apart. And he knew as much.
You took one more step back and bumped against the wall, the giant silver fridge blocking you on one side, and Chibs arm coming up to block the other. You whimpered, willing yourself to be strong as the scent of leather, cologne, and cigarette smoke flooded your senses. It all smelled just exactly as you remembered and you ached for him, the stone you'd fortified around your heart beginning to crumble.
"Even with all the arguments and disagreements, you know you've always been safest with me. Safe, and at home. You've proven your point. It's time for you to come home with Daddy now, yeah?"
You hesitated for a moment before your head was nodding slowly of its own volition. The Son clicked his teeth and offered you a smile then, eyes trailing down your front. He brought a ringed finger up and traced down the valley of your breasts, eyes raking over you how a lion would a gazelle. His voice was low when he spoke again.
"Twenty minutes left."
"Huh?"
The sentence threw you off, your break no longer on your mind as you looked at him.
"You've got twenty minutes left before they start looking for you, so I've got time. You look delicious. I won't stop until I've tasted every bite."
Dark fiction taglist 
@whitetxilwxlf @kikijackson-blog @ben-c-group-therapy @ravennaortiz @mama-mischief
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gemini-sensei · 6 months
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Imagine alpha!Hawk coming home only to find his mate omega!Moon comforting her friend omega!Reader. The omegas are on the couch with Reader's head on Moon's lap, crying softly. Hawk doesn't ask what's happened, worried that it will only upset Reader more. It doesn't come to light what happened until Reader cries herself to sleep and Moon slipped away to talk to her mate
Turns out Reader's alpha partner cheated and kicked her out. That would explain the luggage by the door. She came straight to Moon because she didn't know where else to go. And Moon being Moon of course took her in. And Hawk won't say no to her ever so when Moon asks if Reader can stay until she can get her own place, of course he says yes.
However, as the days pass, Moon realizes that Reader is struggling to sleep alone at night. She had gotten used to sleeping with her partner and sleeping alone for the omega is hard with the sudden loss. She tosses and turns all night long and she gets no good sleep, that is if she falls asleep to begin with. It becomes so bad that Reader loses her job next, which isn't helpful to her emotionally at all.
So Moon talks to Hawk and suggests letting Reader sleep with them in their bed until she feels better. She's such a caring omega and doesn't see a problem with this idea, and Hawk agrees to it because his omega is so optimistic about it. However, when Moon suggests the idea to Reader, she is resistant at first. "I don't want to get between you and your mate. It's bad enough that I'm even here and you two are worrying over me to begin with..."
"There is nothing bad about you being here, Reader," Moon assures her. She hugs her and tells her that they just want what's best for her. "Try it for one night. You're not gonna bother or get between us."
Except that is literally what ends up happening. The three of them can't get comfortable for the life of them until Reader is in between the couple. She tries to keep to herself, arms tucked in and trying to make herself as small as possible. However, she falls asleep a lot easier like Moon thought she would and by morning, she and Moon are cuddled up, arms wound around each other and legs entangled.
As the nights like these continue, Hawk is in on the cuddling in no time. Reader's back to his chest, both omegas in his arms. He keeps telling himself this is temporary, that Reader will go back to the guest room at some point - maybe not soon, but eventually - failing to realize that he and his mate are steadily falling for the abandoned omega...
This goes on for months without the couple realizing it or anything else for that matter. They don't see how long its been, how they take to caring for Reader like she's their partner. They don't make her look for a job, don't pressure her or even bring up the idea of her moving out. It's as if this was how things were supposed to be the whole time. Nothing is wrong, but they aren't talking about it either. The situation just is what it is.
Until one night Reader is squirming and whining. She wakes up in the middle of the night with burning pain in her abdomen. It hurts so bad, she can't stand it, but doesn't want to disturb Moon or Hawk. Unfortunately, she can't keep quiet. So despite her trying her damnedest to keep still, her unmuffled whines and chirps wake Moon, who tries to shush her, still half asleep. "It's okay, Reader... what's the matter?"
"It hurts..." Reader mumbles.
Moon is confused at first until she picks up on the scent of the omega's full-on heat. She opens her eyes and looks at her. "Oh my- Reader, you didn't present a pre heat..."
"I don't have them," Reader informs her between whines. "I-I never have. They just- just show up."
She's close to tears from the burning need. Moon wipes her tears away and comforts her, pulling her close. "It's gonna be okay. I've got you. You don't have to worry about anything."
And she means it as she pushes her hand into Reader's pajama shorts. She rubs her fingers over Reader wet panties, realizing she's coated in slick.
"Aww, baby, how long have you been laying here like this?"
"Too long..."
Moon pushes her panties aside and slips two fingers into Reader's cunt easily. She finger fucks her as Hawk manages to stay asleep after a long day of hard, tiring work. She pleasures Reader, finding her clit with her thumb and pressing it as she curled her fingers. Reader buries her face in Moon's neck, moaning and whining as it helps relieve the aches and pain. She whimpers as she quickly reaches her climax and comes all over Moon's hand. But the little fun Moon had playing with her slick soaked folds wasn't enough to keep her at bay for long.
Moon is soon shaking Hawk away. "Hawk... Hawk... Eli!"
His eyes snap open and he's overwhelmed with the smell of heat and slick. "Holy shit, are you in heat?"
She shakes her head and looks down at Reader between them. "No but Reader is. And she needs an alpha..."
He blinks as he realizes what she's saying. Suddenly, he's wishing they had that conversation way before now. "Are you sure?"
Reader looks up at him, twisted up in her sweat soaked pajamas with a needy look in her eyes. "Alpha?"
He pets her hair and shushes her gently, his instincts taking over. "It's okay, omega."
"Yes, Hawk, I'm sure," Moon tells him, sitting up more. She starts undressing Reader, who whines the whole time. She peppers kisses all over her omega "friend" and whispers assurances that it's going to be okay.
At the same time, Hawk it pushing his sweats off with his boxers. Soon, the two are mostly nude and Reader is begging for the pain to go away.
Moon lays down again and pulls Reader's leg over her hip, shushing her. Hawk turns onto his side, his cock hard from the smell of heat and the whines of a needy omega. He slots his cock against her folds, slick immediately wetting his cock. He hardly needs to do anything to prep before Moon is guiding his tip to Reader's cunt and he's pushing into her.
Reader throws her head back against his chest, letting out a drawn out moan. Her eyes flutter closed as he pushes his length into her with ease, bottoming out sooner than he expected, his knot pressed against her stretched out pussy lips. He doesn't sit there for long, knowing that her heat won't be satiated like that. He set a steady, easy pace that she whined and whimpered for him to quicken. He was in no state to deny her what she needed, the pace quickly becoming fast and rough.
As he pounded her cunt, Reader almost didn't realize Moon was playing with her tits. As they bounced she grabbed hold of them and brought one of her pert nipples into her mouth, sucking on it hard. It made Reader moan loudly, embraced in pleasure all over. Hawk squeezed her pudgy belly, holding her in place as he pummeled her gushing cunt.
It wasn't long before she was babbling about how she was going to come, to which Moon responded aptly. She snaked her hand down to Reader's clit while she kept sucking on her tits. Her fingers met her clit again and drew quick circles against it, making Reader squirt hard. Slick and hot fluid gushed from her cunt as Hawk groaned, feeling her velvet walls constrict around his heavy cock. He kept pounding her, hips meeting her fat ass. Her squirting made it easy for his pulsing knot to pop into her and she came again once that happened, her whole body shaking.
His knot swelled and trapped him inside her before he started to come, filling her with heavy ropes of cum. She moaned as she already felt full just from his cock and know. His cock seemed to go off like a firehose, filling her with so much cum that she thought she was going to pop. However, it wasn't really a concern for her heat riddled mind. If anything, the thought made it all the better.
"So much..." she moaned, looking over her shoulder at Hawk as he humped her ass.
He growled as he looked down at her. He licked his lips, too high headed to say anything to her. He only buried his face in her neck and breathed in her scent, teeth grazing her bond spot. Moon watched him, then giggled and pushed his head away.
"Now is so not the time for that," she reminded him. They did not need to bond with their omega "friend" while she was in the throws of heat. It could end badly for all of them, not that the idea of her joining their relationship upset Moon. As she lay with them, she realized it was all she wanted.
Satiated or not, Reader ground her ass back against Hawk's ceaseless hips. She moaned, begging for more. "Alpha... need you."
"I just fucked you," he laughed.
"Need you to fuck me again, hard," she told him.
Moon smirked. "You heard her. Fuck her hard, alpha."
So despite his knot still swollen in her tight cunt, Hawk fucked her. He rut into Reader hard and fast, making her cream all over his cock and knot. The cum leaked out from around the tight seal they created and he knew he was going to have to fill her again and again and again, for as long as her heat lasted.
The sun was rising when they finished round two and Reader fell asleep. Hawk wrapped his arms around the omega and scented her so she'd feel comforted by his musky, protective scent when she woke up in another needy state. Moon slipped out of bed to call their workplaces and inform them that they wouldn't be in due to an unexpected heat. She didn't tell them it wasn't her heat because it was none of their business. Then she got to work making breakfast, knowing her mate and their hopefully soon-to-be mate would need their energy for all the fucking they were about to embark on.
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celestelunia · 3 months
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Hey bestie! Hope your day/noon/night is going good! My baby Ruggie doesn’t get enough love so can I get a fic of him maybe “using” reader for her money but he starts to slowly fall for her but she find out he was using her and it turn to angst to fluff where he spills his guts for her! ♡ pls and ty
Hi Cherry! I knew this was you the moment I saw the request 😆
I've never written for Ruggie before, so I hope this came out okay and that you like it. This came out longer than I was planning lol
Fluff & angst warning~
Small cameo of Celes since I know Cherry 👀
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"Hey, Y/N!" A familiar voice called as you stopped to turn around. You had been on your way to your next class when the Savanaclaw hyena called out to you before jogging his way towards you. "How are you doing?"
"Good." You reply with a smile. "How are you?"
"Good, good!" Ruggie said before he started to rub the back of his head almost sheepishly. "Listen, I totally forgot my money back at the dorm. Do you mind if I borrow some thaumarks from you?"
"Sure!" You agree almost too easily in Ruggie's opinion as you reach into bag and pull out some money for your friend. This wasn't the first time that he had asked you for money, but you didn't let it bother you. You had always been the type to help if you could, and you had to admit you rather enjoyed the hyenas company when you did see him. Little did you know that Ruggie just saw you as an easy mark.
"Thank you! You're a life savor." Ruggie grinned as he took the thaumarks you had handed him as his ears twitched happily.
"Of course. Anything to help. I was wonde-" you had started to ask when he might have some free time but Ruggie had cut you off before you could ask.
"You're headed to your next class, right?" Ruggie asked as he pocketed the thaumarks. "I don't want you to make you late. I'll catch you later!" He said with a lazy grin before running off.
"O-okay." You said as you watched him run off before you turned to head back towards your next class, feeling a bit disappointed.
Over the next couple of months, it had become a ritual of Ruggie asking you for money for one reason or another, and you happily agreed each time. It had gotten to the point that your friends were even starting to question your sanity about the situation.
Ruggie had managed to get some alone time as he rested his back against one of the many school trees on campus. He came here in hopes of relaxing but he was doing anything but relaxing. His mind kept wondering to Y/N.
How could someone be so naive? He figured she would have gotten tired of him always asking for money, but not once did she complain or ask him when he was going to pay her back. (Not that he ever said he would.) The more time he spent around Y/N, the more he found himself enjoying her company.
This world was full of people you couldn't trust, and Ruggie learned very early on in life that you had to look out for what was best for you. Somebody always wanted something. Nothing in this horrible world was free.
And yet, there was Y/N. She was like a breath of fresh air in his stagnant world. The ray of light that he never thought he would see. It was a rather....strange feeling for the hyena.
Another month went by, and Ruggie found himself not asking Y/N for money as much anymore. He was starting to look forward to the time they spent together and no longer saw her as someone he could take advantage of. If anything, he found himself wanting to protect her from the cruelty of the world.
It wasn't till a week later that a simple question shattered his peace with you. Both you and Ruggie were sitting on one of the benches in the school yard as you talked about your day.
"Ruggie?" Y/N asked, sounding a bit nervous and fidgety.
"Hm? Something wrong?" He asked, turning his full attention to you.
"Is it true....that you only asked me for money because I was an easy mark?" Y/N asked as they kept their gaze down. "That all the reasons you gave me were lies?"
At the question, Ruggie froze. Why were you asking this now after all this time!?
Your friends had been telling you this for some time but you wanted to believe in Ruggie and that he wouldn't take advantage of you like that but you couldn't ignore the voice in the back of your head. All you needed to hear from Ruggie was that it was all a lie.
He paused for a moment as he thought about lying to you, but that didn't sit right with him now. "It's true." Ruggie replied as your head snapped up to look at him. The look of shock and betrayal flashed through your eyes. "But it's not lik-" He had started to explain but was cut off when you suddenly stood up.
"I can't believe you...." Y/N whispered as fresh tears started to cascade down her cheeks.
Feeling a jolt run through him at the sight, Ruggie stood up as he tried to figure out what to say, but before he could, Y/N had run away, leaving him alone in the school yard. "Damn it...." he whispered as his ears lowered flat against his head. The image of you crying invaded his mind as guilt ran through him.
Two weeks. Two weeks that Ruggle had been trying to talk to you but hasn't succeeded! You either slipped away or someone got in his way. Either way, he was reaching his limit.
"Come on, Celes! I know you know where she is!" Ruggie huffed as he looked at the orange hair girl before him.
"I do, but why would I tell you?" The sophomore huffed back, looking at him with a glare. "You really hurt her, Ruggle. Even I feel like punching you at this point." Celes said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I know! I just-ugh!" Ruggie sighed before his anger deflated. "I want to explain. It may have started out wrong, but I really lik-" He had started to admit but was cut off by Celes.
"Ah! Don't continue." Celes sighed, holding up her hand. She knew what he was going to say, and Celes knew she shouldn't be the first one to hear it. "If you end up making this worse, I will hunt you down." Celes sighed before telling Ruggie where to find Y/N.
Y/N sat in the just outside the greenhouse as she let out a sigh. You knew Ruggie had been trying to get your attention, but you wanted nothing to do with him right now. It hurt. Knowing that you liked him more than he liked you. You felt like such a fool!
"Y/N?"
Hearing the one voice you didn't want to hear right now, you glanced over and noticed Ruggie.
"Go away." You said coldly as you turned to leave, but as you did, you felt Ruggie grab your wrist.
"I get that you're mad, but please let me explain!" Ruggle said as his usual confident voice held a different tone to it. Worried? Scared? Even he wasn't sure.
"Whats to explain?" You snapped as you pulled your hand free. "You used me! Like, I didn't even matter to you!" You yelled as you turned to glare at Ruggie with fresh tears in your eyes. "I liked you, but you never-"
"I like you too!" Ruggie yelled as he cut you off. It wasn't the way he had planned to confess, but he got the feeling that if he didn't get this out now, that you would just disappear from his life.
Noticing that you had frozen up at his sudden statement, he took this time to explain. "I did...take advantage of you at first. I always need money for myself and my family back home. I'll do whatever I must to provide them with help, but I was wrong." Ruggie said as his ears on his head lowered slightly. "You're not like other people. You're...a good person, and the more I took from you, the more I realized I was wrong. You trusted me, and I took advantage of that."
As Ruggie spoke, you said nothing as you listened. You felt like you were seeing a rare side of him. The usual laid-back hyena now seemed on edge.
"I'm sorry." Ruggie said as he rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced away from you. "I really do like you and the time we've spent together, and I know I messed that up..." he mattered softly with a small blush and a frown. "I understand if you don't want to see me anymore, but I wanted to apologize and tell you how I felt..." he said, and when you didn't respond, the hyena sighed before turning around. As he started to leave, he suddenly felt his body stumble forward a bit as arms wrapped around his waist and something pressed against his back. Confused, Ruggie glanced over his shoulder and noticed you had hugged him from behind with your head pressed against his back.
"I am mad." You muttered softly as you hid your face against Ruggie's back. "And upset."
Hearing this, Ruggie said nothing as he turned to look ahead and made no effort to move from your hold.
"If you really care about me, you have to make this up to me." You said, which caused Ruggie's ears to perk up a bit.
"If you want me to pay you back, it might take a bit. I've...already sent the money I took back to my village." He said.
"No. I don't care about the money." You said as you gently tighten your hold against the hyena. "I want to go out. On...a d-date." You whispered as you felt your face growing hot with embarrassment.
At her request, Ruggie's eyes went wide for a moment. A date? With him? At that thought, Ruggie smiled as he felt a new warmth build up in his chest. Reaching down, he removed your arms from his waist before he spun around and pulled you into his chest with a hug. "I can agree to a date." He said with a soft playfulness to his voice.
Feeling the heaviness from earlier fading away, you glanced up at Ruggie with a small smile. "If the date goes well, I guess I can forgive you."
Feeling his heart skip a beat, Ruggie just grinned as he tried to hide how happy he felt. "Deal." While he had his face school with a grin onnthe inside, he felt himself freaking out! He had a date with Y/N! Was this real!?
Looks like he would need to pick up some extra work to make their date amazing.
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clarisse0o · 10 days
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Camp Wiegman-Part 68
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle
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Alternative Universe : Military School
Words: 6K
Masterlist
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Sunday, March 6th; 10:30 AM - At Ona's place.  
- "We have something to tell you."  
That was the sentence that greeted Lucy and me after breakfast this morning. It was just the two of us, and I think my mother took advantage of the moment. Knowing the girls, they must have come home late last night. As for us, we walked through the front door at 2 AM, and from what we saw, Ingrid and Mapi's bedroom door was still open. Our evening had been magical, full of joy and emotions. I wish I could relive it over and over again. I was happy. It was a feeling I hadn't experienced in a long time. Unfortunately, I sensed it would fade given the situation we were in.  
We were seated on the couch with my mother and Marcus in front of us, both looking very nervous. Joan had stayed upstairs to play. I suspect my mother sent her up there.  
- "So? Are you going to tell us what's going on?" I asked after two minutes of silence.  
- "First of all," my mother began, "we're very happy to welcome you into our family, Lucy. We appreciate you a lot, and it's not just because you make my daughter happy."  
I glanced at my girlfriend, who smiled and nodded gratefully. I could tell she appreciated being accepted. Still, she would always respect my decisions if something were to happen, knowing that I had been estranged from them for a long time. Things were beginning to change. My mother was making efforts toward both my brother and me. She had acknowledged her mistakes. Unfortunately, it wouldn't erase all the months and years of suffering I had endured with her in the blink of an eye. We would have to work hard on our relationship, and I knew I had work to do on myself as well.  
- "I hope your love lasts in happiness, just like Marcus and I are experiencing..."  
I stared at her intently. I often wondered if my father had meant anything to her when I saw her with Marcus. I would say yes, but did she love him as much as this man sitting across from us? Neither of them ever spoke to me about their relationship. It was as if they tried to forget it, and in the end, I was the one who had forgotten what they were like together.  
- "Is something bothering you, Ona?"  
I realized I had drifted into my thoughts, staring at them as if they were a point of focus. I shook my head.  
- "No, no. Sorry. I was just thinking."  
Lucy placed her hand on my thigh, giving me a supportive smile. I knew she could tell I was unsettled.  
- "Maybe we can talk about it?"  
- "No, it's fine. I don't particularly want things to escalate."  
Whenever we talked, it always ended that way. I didn't need Lucy to witness another scene like that. They were often intense, and I didn't want her to see me in a rage. It's not like she had never seen me like that before, but she didn't need to see it again.  
- "Come on, we can talk about it, I'm sure."  
I sighed deeply. She wouldn't let it go. She never does. I looked her straight in the eyes and stayed honest.  
- "I know you're going to announce your wedding. I thought about Dad, that's all. No one has ever talked to me about your relationship, so hearing you say that makes me feel like he never existed."  
I could tell my words hit home. She probably hadn't expected such a candid response.  
- "I..."  
She was at a loss for words. I had managed to leave her speechless. That didn't happen often.  
- "Y-you're right. We were going to announce our wedding, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten your father. Don't get me wrong, Ona, I loved him deeply. We just had some differences that ended our marriage."  
- "I know. I was just thinking that I barely remember you two together because no one ever talks to me about it."  
My response created an awkward silence, and I realized it had been misinterpreted. They probably thought I would react badly. That was often the case when it came to my father. Lucy knew that all too well, having already been the victim of one of my anger episodes at school.  
- "It's fine, really. I didn't mean anything by it. You can continue," I encouraged them with a wave of my hand.  
- "No, you're right. I shouldn't announce our news without talking about your father first. We intentionally never brought up our relationship with him to avoid hurting you or making the situation worse at the time, but I see now that it's bothering you."  
I wasn't expecting that response. My surprise must have shown on my face. My mouth went dry. I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear this story, but she was right. It was bothering me. I had matured, so maybe I was finally capable of hearing it. I was certain of it when Lucy squeezed my thigh. There was no better time. She would support me if I needed it, and she was already doing so with her touch.  
- "Alright," my mother began with a nervous cough, "what exactly do you want to know?"  
- "Everything. If we're going to talk about it, let's lay it all out now."  
In reality, I wasn't sure I could handle multiple conversations about this. I had a feeling none of this would be pleasant, so I figured I might as well hear everything at once, to swallow the pill in one go instead of several. There were so many unanswered questions in my life. It was time for answers. It was what I needed to move on and mend my relationship with my mother. She shifted uneasily in her seat. She was uncomfortable. Marcus had been silent until now, but he offered support by holding my mother's hand. It was clear he knew what was going on, which drove me crazy.  
- "It's a long story, but I think it's time you heard it," she began.  
I agreed. My progress in self-control was evident. I just hoped I wouldn't explode in the end. My mother took a deep breath before starting.  
- "We didn't agree on my career choices. I was young when I had you. You weren't planned... At least, not so soon. Back then, I had big dreams. I wanted to become one of the best surgeons."  
A lump was already forming in my throat. I could feel that I wasn't going to like much of what I was about to hear.  
- "And I did become one. By the time I finished my internship, people were fighting to hire me. It took a lot of time and perseverance... to the point where I neglected our family at home."  
I don't remember that. I don't know how old I was, but I must have been very young, maybe even a baby.  
- "I had many opportunities to leave, but I couldn't do that to your father. He supported me from the start, took care of you... And I loved him. Leaving would have been a total disaster. I couldn't do that to him. So I stayed in Portugal for our family."  
I knew my mother had lived in Barcelona before meeting my father. My father used to tell me that story when I was young. They met by chance in Portugal while my mother was on vacation there. It was love at first sight. She left home at a young age to live her life with him. I had long wondered if my mother had any regrets. I knew my father didn't. He always wanted me to believe that love could happen in a single glance. For a long time, I didn't believe him. The way he described love, I had never felt it... until the person sitting next to me now. It was no coincidence that I told her last night that she was my soulmate. I didn't believe in such things before I met her.  
- "But," my mother continued, "there came a time when love wasn't enough anymore. I wasn't happy, and the situation was getting worse."  
The fights between my parents came flooding back to me. If there's one thing I remember about them being together, it's that. It's rather sad that their only child, the product of their love, only remembers that.  
- "In the meantime, I was in frequent contact with Marcus... He was an old friend of your father's from the army. He visited often when you were younger, with Sarina. Sarina had left the army after a mission where she almost lost her life. Your father saved her. She later opened Camp Wiegman in Manchester, so she stopped visiting."  
My thoughts were starting to come together. Everything was beginning to make sense. I couldn't believe what she was telling me. So, I had already met Wiegman when I was little. She had hinted at it, but I didn't believe her. Once again, I must have been young because I didn't remember her. But Marcus, I remembered clearly. I still picture him sipping coffee with my father during his visits. They were close.  
- "Do you remember?" she asked, noticing that I was drifting off.  
- "Vaguely," I admitted softly.  
- "Maybe you remember Lotte? Sarina always came with her husband and daughter. You spent a lot of time with her when you were younger."  
I widened my eyes. Lotte? Really? She quickly realized that I didn't remember. I clearly remember meeting her for the first time when I arrived. She had tried to be nice to me, and I had rudely brushed her off.
- I-I don’t remember.
- Your grandparents often looked after you together during your vacations. You were inseparable until Sarina couldn't come anymore.
I feel guilty. Poor Lotte. No wonder she feels uncomfortable around me. I’ll go talk to her when I return to clear things up and apologize.
- Anyway, she says, getting back to the main topic. Regarding your father and me, he understood that I had become close to Marcus. We were like best friends, confidants. That’s what we were, at first, of course.
It's strange how the images come back to me. The laughter between them, the conversations, and even the little gestures. They seemed so close. I find it hard to believe her words at that moment. A small rage fills me. However, I hold back, determined not to let anything show. I promised myself not to overreact.
- Nothing was happening at that time, Ona. I was always faithful to your father.
She noticed I was skeptical. Maybe it's true, but I have this relentless need to defend my father.
- Your father never blamed me for anything… except when it came to you. He resented me for not taking care of you. You were his only daughter, and he always saw you unhappy because you lacked the love of your mother.
Tears well up in my eyes. At least now I know why I feel the need to defend him. He had always done the same for me. I owe him that much now.
- He was right. I couldn't bond with you because of how little time I spent at home.
- And what did you think? That those yearly vacations would change anything? I snap despite myself.
Those are still my best memories. The only ones where I remember being with both of my parents at the same time. It’s crazy that I can’t recall anything else of the three of us. Maybe that’s why I have this need to travel…
- No... By the time I wanted to do something about it, it was too late. You already hated me. I didn’t know you. Then came the job offer in Barcelona. It wasn’t just anything. It was my city. We had just had a huge fight over you when the offer came in. Your father wanted me to take it, without following me...
The news hits me like a punch. I expected the decision to be made by both of them.
- He had kept too much inside and couldn’t take it anymore. He knew I wasn’t as happy, and it was the opportunity of a lifetime. He let me go out of love. He wanted me to become an exceptional surgeon, and that’s what this hospital in my hometown offered...
My throat tightens. My father is an honorable man. There’s nothing else to say.
- So, we decided to divorce and then figure out custody. Of course, his condition was to keep you… Unfortunately, what he didn’t foresee was that the law would refuse it because of his job, and also because mothers take precedence in these situations.
I blink several times. He had asked for my custody. I can’t believe it. I thought he knew all along that he wouldn’t be able to keep me because of the army. I didn’t know he had asked for custody during the divorce. I feel like crumbling. I could have avoided so much by staying with him, especially the deterioration of my relationship with my mother. Tears stream down my face, and I can’t stop them.
- So, I took you with me. I saw it as a new chance. I was starting the job of my dreams and bringing you along at the same time. I wanted to make up for lost time, take care of you, get to know you. Of course, you never let me, and on top of that, I had a ton of work to prove myself.
My mother also starts to cry. I’ve never seen her like this, so vulnerable. She’s opening up her heart, her true thoughts. Her voice breaks more and more as she speaks.
- All those school summons I received when you were younger… The fights and the false accusations you’ve thrown at me recently... I acted that way because I expected it to be provocation from you. I thought you were trying to defy me because you were a young teenager...
I swallow my tears. I want to yell at her. It’s torture, but I’ll stay silent until the end.
- And what about Marcus coming into our lives? That was less than a year after we moved here. And what about my studies? Why did you force me to take something I didn’t like just to please you?
It’s stronger than me. I had to know everything, and anger helped me let it all out. I did my best to hold it in.
- I had only moved here a few years before you, Marcus explains himself. I came first to support your mother. The breakup with your father affected her, and she couldn’t manage you... The time you caught us was an accident. We weren’t together, and it wasn’t supposed to happen.
- An accident? I scoff.
- Ona! my mother scolds. What Marcus says is true...
- Well, sorry, but I find it hard to believe. I may have been young, but you should have talked to me. Instead, you stayed silent all the time. I have every right to be angry at you! I thought something had been going on for a long time, that you betrayed Dad even before you left!
- That wasn’t the case. I promise, sweetheart...
- Don’t call me that! Everything between you happened way too fast! After catching you, how long? Eight months before you moved in together? Excuse me, but I had every reason to be angry. I had just left my country, left my father, and then I saw you with one of his best friends! You should have known it would affect me, that I wouldn’t accept the situation! And did you even think about Dad? What he must have felt when you told him!?
She’s devastated, really devastated by my words, but it’s only the truth. They handled everything so poorly. Communication is important. It’s not like I wouldn’t have understood at twelve years old.
- We weren’t together, insists Marcus in the face of my anger. I was only supporting your mother through this, and we eventually developed feelings for each other. Your father knew. I asked for his blessing before anything happened.
- You two are such idiots, I snap. If he gave you his blessing, it’s only because he was still crazy about Mom and wanted her to be happy!
My rage grows despite myself. I remember how betrayed I felt on my father's behalf. I can't even imagine the state he must have been in.
- You should be ashamed of what you did to him!
- He knew, my mother sighs.
- And I assure you, he accepted our relationship, Marcus continues. He wanted your mother to have someone by her side.
- Sure, I scoff. You weren’t the one seeing him so depressed when I visited. He wasn’t the same. Even though we still had good times together, I could tell he wasn’t well, and it’s all because—
- He had someone else!
My mother had to raise her voice to be heard over my outburst. Everything inside me deflates. What do you mean, he had someone else? How come I didn’t know? My father told me everything!
- He had someone else, she repeats in the face of my stunned silence. A colleague. Leila. He must have introduced her to you once, back when they were just friends. He was seeing her even before we signed the divorce papers.
Leila... I remember her. She’s right. I only saw her once when I was thirteen, yet that woman left an impression on me. She was beautiful, with almond-shaped blue eyes as lively as life itself. I can picture her perfectly with my father.
- He never had the chance to introduce her to you officially. If he was so unwell, it’s because he didn’t have you with him.
- Why didn’t he introduce her to me?
- He wanted to, but he didn’t know how you would react after how you responded to us. I told him you would react well and that it could even fix things, but he wouldn’t listen. He was afraid you wouldn’t want to see him anymore. He thought deep down, you still hoped we’d get back together...
It’s my fault. I had confided too much in him, and he got scared. I did say those things. I wanted to go back to Portugal at that time.
- Besides, their relationship wasn’t stable. They broke up often. Leila had family far away, so she visited them a lot and wasn’t around much. I think her father was very ill. If not that, she was often on missions at different times from your father. You didn’t go there much... It was hard to find the right time for you to meet her.
I hold back my words. She’s trying to soothe me, but all I can think about is how my father didn’t want me to know about his relationship... I would have accepted it... For once, my mother is right in saying it could have fixed things. I would have felt less betrayed for him. Even if I didn’t accept my mother’s relationship, it was a different story. As if she knew what I was thinking, she continues:
- He didn’t want you to resent him, like with Marcus and me. You rarely visited, so he just wanted to enjoy your company and make you understand that you were the only woman in his life.
I lower my head. Lucy's hand has been resting on my thigh since the beginning. I dare not look at her. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint her with my reaction. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not being able to hold myself together. I feel guilty that my father might have thought I would resent him. If there’s anyone I would never resent, it’s him.
- He loved you so much, Ona. It’s clear he would always side with you and put you before anyone else. His greatest regret was letting you leave with me.
I can’t hold back my tears any longer. My greatest regret has been losing the greatest man I’ve ever known. It’s always the best ones who leave first.
- I regret it too.
- Ona... Lucy murmurs with sorrow.
I shake my head and wipe my eyes with my arm.
- I’ve lived with misunderstandings that have caused chaos throughout my life. Come on. I promised to listen to everything until the end, so why don’t you explain to me why you forced me to study what you did? To make me better, perhaps?
I’m at my limit. I can’t control myself as I’d like. In the end, learning everything at once has been harder than I thought. It’s hard to believe I was the happiest just a few minutes ago.
- I... she begins, very disturbed by my reaction.
I urge her to continue. I need to finish this. It was the last question I had to feel at peace with my mother.
- I wasn’t on good terms with your father either. Medicine helped me move forward as it required a lot of work. I thought those studies would have the same benefit for you and, on top of that, you’d have a good job... I wanted to act as a good mother, but I was wrong. You simply needed freedom, and I clearly didn’t give you enough of it.
I get up from my seat. I have all the answers I wanted. Lucy tried to pull me back into her arms, but I push her away in the heat of the moment. I don’t want her to see me like this. I leave the living room to go upstairs. On the way, I cross paths with our friends. From the looks on their faces, especially Mapi’s, I guess they must have overheard part of our conversation. It’s the least of my concerns right now. I reach my room and slam the door behind me. I’m simply a bundle of nerves about to burst. I clutch at my hair, looking around. I need to calm down; otherwise, I’m going to wreck this room.
- Ona, Lucy sighs, as she arrives.
- Leave, please. I don’t want you to see me like this.
- Don’t say that.
I clench my fists. Others in her place might have done everything to avoid me right now, but she isn’t afraid to face me. She approaches gently, giving me the chance to retract, but I don’t. I know she’s the person I need to calm me down. She wraps her arms around me delicately and then holds me tightly as I start sobbing again.
- Shh, it’ll be okay. It’s painful, I know, but you needed to know everything.
- They’ve ruined my life. They’ve... I don’t even know what I should be angry about!
I’m gasping. It’s hard to breathe against her neck, but I don’t want to pull away. She caresses my hair and kisses me tenderly.
- Don’t say that. Look how far you’ve come thanks to them... They might have made life difficult for you, but without them, you wouldn’t be as strong.
- Strong? D-do you think I’m strong right now?
- Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, baby... Everyone reacts differently. Right now, it’s a sign of accumulation.
- S-stop, please. D-don’t think I’m an idiot. And don’t defend them. I feel like I’m worthless. Like a damned kid who...
- You’re none of that, my love. Without them, you wouldn’t be the woman you are today. You’d never have learned to fend for yourself. You wouldn’t understand how essential moral values are, how to communicate, or how important family is... Just look at your sister.
I continue to cry, but I listen to her carefully. I can only find some truth in her words. My sister has always been an exception. She’s innocent. I will always put her before the rest of my family.
- You wouldn’t be as smart, as good at mediating with your loved ones...
I start to calm down, recognizing all the qualities I possess that I hadn’t realized before. It’s so much easier to see them in others.
- Without them, we’d never have met. Without them, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with such a wonderful woman... And I could go on and on about all the reasons they made their daughter so fantastic, despite their questionable choices.
I’ve stopped crying since she told me she loves me. I still have trouble breathing, but I’m starting to regain my composure and my senses.
- Without them, you wouldn’t be who you are now, darling...
- Y-you can never help yourself, can you?
She laughs softly. She knows she’s managed to calm me down. I’ll never understand how she does it. She knows me so well. I would have turned this room upside down if she hadn’t followed me. I let go as she kisses my forehead. I’m simply exhausted.
- No, she whispers. I don’t like seeing you like this, and it’s my duty to remind you how fantastic you are. You tend to forget it...
- And what about this wedding? I don’t even want to go after all this.
She sighs softly, brushing away a few hairs that had stuck to my tears on my cheeks.
- Don’t say that now. You’re speaking out of anger. Come on, lie down.
I let her guide me as she pleases. I no longer feel capable of thinking or acting. I lie down first, and she slides in behind me, wrapping me in her arms. My body relaxes completely with this contact. It’s hard to believe I pushed her away when she arrived. Now, I wouldn’t want her to leave for anything.
- I’m sorry, I murmur.
- For what reason?
I shrug as she kisses my collarbone while stroking my stomach. Her touch makes me feel safe. She makes me forget everything.
- For not being able to control myself.
She chuckles softly as she slides her hand under my shirt. It seems I’m not the only one who enjoys our skin-to-skin contact.
- No one would be able to control themselves in these circumstances. You handled it very well, my love. We don’t have to come down before we leave. You need to calm down; your heart is still racing.
As if to show me, she places her hand flat just above my chest. A shiver runs through me as this gesture lifts my shirt, but I don’t complain.
- Rest. We’ll grab something to eat on the way to the airport.
I nod and eventually turn to face her. I definitely wouldn’t be anything without her. My eyes are growing heavy. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep well if I try now. My mind will be too busy.
- Why do I feel like the world is against me? I murmur, idly playing with a strand of her hair. Do I never get a bit of happiness?
- Am I not your happiness?
She has a hint of amusement. She managed to make me laugh. I lift my head towards her. She smiles at me, running her fingers through my hair in return. I must look awful, but I don’t have time to think as I’m enveloped by her soft lips. She’s definitely my happiness.
- Your mother just answered all the questions you had. Don’t be angry with her again. You were starting to move forward.
- You know, sometimes I think that without me on this earth, everything could have been different between them.
- Don’t say that. I think their story would have ended the same way regardless.
- You think...?
- I do, yes. Your mom may have had you sooner than she wanted, which complicated your relationship... But her professional passion wouldn’t have changed their relationship.
- Do you understand why I don’t want to accept this offer in Portland?
- Given the environment you grew up in, yes. I’m sorry I encouraged you to go there when you didn’t want to. I’m glad you decided to prioritize our relationship, but I hope it won’t be detrimental to you.
- I don’t care, I murmur, resting my head against her chest. I’m not going to abandon the only person who loves me.
- Your parents love you too, Ona.
- Yeah, right, I scoff. Neither of them knew how to trust me.
Your mom has acknowledged her mistake, and I think even before that, she cared a lot about you.
- You’re the only one who thinks that...
- She took care of you when you came back, after Feli. I know, because we talked a bit about it yesterday, before you went downstairs... She cared a lot about you, and she thanked me for finally getting you out of there...
- She cares a lot about you, I murmured.
- And it’s only because I bring you good. She’s happy there’s finally someone who values you for who you are. She regrets never taking the time to get to know you. She’s trying to make up for it now.
- I know, I sighed. It’s hard for me to accept.
- But you want to, don’t you? I know you would have loved to have a connection with her. That’s why you care so much about her taking care of Joan. You don’t want your sister to go through the same thing you did.
- Why are you asking me? You know me better than I know myself. It’s just complicated.
- You appreciated that she took care of you, but you started hating her again when she forced you to go to school...
She understood what was wrong without me needing to say anything. She really knows me better than I know myself. It’s frustrating sometimes. She understood that it was the first time my mother really cared about me and that everything fell apart when I had to leave. I didn’t understand why she had distanced herself from me by sending me to Camp Wiegman. I thought she wanted to get rid of me like a pesky stone in her shoe. It hit me hard. I felt worthless and became resentful towards her, even though I was already very resentful towards the whole world. I even sent Mapi back to her apartment a few days before I left. I felt pushed away when I needed support the most. This decision further strained our relationship. All this was before I discovered the effects of that school.
- She cares about you, Ona. You might not have agreed with all her choices, but she’s done everything she can to make up for it by helping you these past few years. Here you are, getting back on track with a chance for the future, thanks to her.
- Do you really think she cares about me?
- Of course. The first time I saw her, she was all flustered because you were disfigured... Then she seemed happy when she figured us out... I think she was glad to finally discover something about you for herself. She must have felt like she finally knew you.
- Do you think I caused all these problems?
She sighs softly. Her fingers, which had been playing with my hair, stopped for a fraction of a second.
- No, she whispers. Don’t feel guilty, baby. There’s no blame. It’s just a series of situations that brought you to this point. It’s unfortunate, but you were certainly right when you mentioned “misunderstandings” earlier. There was no communication between you.
I prop myself up on my elbows to see her.
- Promise me that our life won’t be like this.
- It won’t be.
- You sound way too confident...
- It’s because I am. You won’t make the same mistakes. Do you think it’s trivial that I’m forcing you to talk to me? You’ve too often kept things inside. It’s time for you to learn to open up. You don’t always have to keep everything to yourself.
- You’re right... So... There will never be any secrets between us. Is that okay?
- That’s okay, she giggles.
- What? Why are you laughing?
- Nothing. There have simply never been any...
I laugh as well, lying back down on her. She’s right. It’s the first time I feel so understood, and it feels good.
- Do you think we should go to this wedding?
A small mocking breath makes her chest vibrate. I lift my head to try to see her, but it’s difficult in this position.
- It would be silly not to go, wouldn’t it...? If she wanted to talk to you, it’s because she wanted you there.
- I didn’t even give them a chance to speak...
- Don’t worry. She should understand. Rest now. We’ll have plenty of time to ask her about the details of the event.
I sigh softly and close my eyes easily. It was emotionally intense, but in a way, I now feel at peace.
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madforhoran · 9 months
Text
Reunion (pt. 1)
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Pt. 2 - here.
X X X
It had been six months of trying to get your life together. Six months since you defeated the Elder brain, since you saw Astarion running away from the sun. You’d felt so guilty that you didn’t even try to contact him. You thought he must resent you for what he’d given up after walking away from the ritual. All you wished for him was not to have his hands and soul stained with so many deaths, to see he was already strong and powerful just the way he was. 
“You’re right, I can be better than him.”
He’d agreed with you, but watching him run away in fear of burning to a crisp didn’t feel like much of an accomplishment. Such a lousy friend you were.
You made yourself somewhat presentable, putting on the most flattering dress you owned and travelled back to the place that hit you with nostalgia immediately upon arrival. The campsite near the lake. The conversations you used to share with your former companions, the trials and tribulations, the memories still so vivid in your mind.
You could smell food, burning wood. You could hear Karlach’s roaring laughter. Shadowheart was walking around the lakeshore with Scratch and the owlbear, Wyll was talking to Jaheira and Halsin, and Gale was having a conversation with an astral projection of Lae’zel. 
And there he was. 
Beautiful as ever. 
Sitting next to the campfire, fiddling with his knife. Your fingers remembered the softness of his white curls, the coldness of his skin. Your lips remembered the touch of his. Your heart remembered how you’d robbed yourself of what could’ve been. You stopped in your tracks for a moment, tempted to run away before he noticed you. Yet at the same time, you were drawn to him like a moth to a flame. 
How could you go for so long without seeing him? He was on your mind non-stop anyway. 
He turned his head.
“Shit,” you cursed inadvertently. There was no escape. He was coming towards you now. But you weren’t blind to the happiness and confidence that radiated from him. He looked genuinely content. 
“Ah, finally gracing us with your wonderful presence, darling? People were putting bets on you. I won, obviously.” 
Oh, how you’d missed his voice.
“Astarion… hi.” Your thoughts were turning into mush. “You look well.” 
He chuckled. “As complimentary as ever. Some things just don’t change, do they?” 
Something about him had changed though. It was a good change. There was no bitterness, no resentment in his voice that you expected there would be. You had to know what he’d been through all this time on his own. Hiding in the sewers? He looked too well-kept for it.
You decided to cut to the chase. There was no point beating around the bush, not with Astarion, not when you hadn’t seen him for so long. First things first, you had to address what had been plaguing you the most after you parted ways.
You took a deep breath, swallowing the guilt constricting your throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t seek you out. I felt horrible, like I failed you.. Failed our friendship.”
“You didn’t.” His smile was full of genuine warmth. “I had to process things on my own time, alone. It took a while. But eventually I realised that shadows and darkness are a part of me, same as my fangs. This is a curse only if I allow it to be, if I allow it to define me.” 
There was peace in his voice that you hadn’t heard before. You could feel pride soaring in your chest. You had hoped to hear something like this from him but it surprised you nonetheless. 
“This is finally ‘me’ in all my glory, for better or for worse.” He grinned and you had to suppress the urge to touch him and kiss him right then and there. It was exactly what you wished for him. To heal and accept he was perfect the way he was. Strong, resilient. 
“So what have you been up to?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady. 
“Well, darling, I've taken a turn as an adventurer and a hero. Inspiring hope in people, rather than terror. I do try to inspire a little terror though. It’s still me after all.” His face beamed with excitement. “Turns out nobody actually cares about murder when you murder the right people and I’m quite good at it!”  
You let out a giggle without meaning to. Only this man could make you laugh about murder. At least now his thirst for bloodshed had a proper direction. And gods, his confidence was extremely attractive. Not that he was ever unattractive, but until Cazador’s death, he was operating under fear and trauma. His self-perception had been warped by two hundred years of gaslighting and torture. Seeing him this happy finally lifted the burden you’d carried for the past six months.    
“Who would’ve thought of Astarion becoming a hero?” you teased. “I distinctly remember you scoffing about how utterly awful it is and how heroes suck, or am I wrong?” 
He rolled his eyes with playfulness rather than annoyance. 
“Oh, how I���ve missed you, my dear, you and your hero speeches! What can I say, you inspired me.”
Your heart did a little jump inside your chest. Being in his presence again felt so familiar and comforting, alluring even. 
Another memory flashed through your mind. 
“You deserve something real. I want us to be something real.”
Saying to him that he needed a friend, not a lover, was one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Maybe this was your chance to rectify it, unless Astarion had found somebody else. You had no idea how to approach the topic to make it less awkward. This would require a bit of liquid courage.
“Would you excuse me for a moment?”
He gave you his signature silly little bow. “Of course, darling. I’ll be here, eagerly waiting for you.”
You clearly needed a lot of courage.
One drink. 
Two drinks.
Three drinks.
They weren’t enough. You felt his eyes on you, watchful as always for a seasoned rogue. He approached you and swatted the half-drunk wine glass out of your hand. 
“I think you’ve had your fill. We don’t want any drama here, though it would definitely spice up the evening.” He clicked his tongue and lifted you from the chair, dragging you away from the table towards the more quiet area where your tent used to be. You gasped at the sudden touch of his arms around you.
“W-wait,” you stuttered. 
It was now or never. 
“I want to-to ask you…something,” you mumbled, praying not to pass out and utterly embarrass yourself in front of him. 
“Don’t tell me this is why you got yourself piss-drunk. To loosen up that sweet tongue of yours. That isn’t like you, is it?”
Gods, he was so close you could smell his perfume. You yearned to touch his forever beautiful face, his beautiful everything. You felt so damn stupid. He was in love with you back then, but what now, after you’d practically abandoned him?
“D-do you still like me, Astarion?” Your heart was beating so fast now that you could hear it echoing in your ears. “As more than a friend, I mean.”
He pursed his lips and ever so theatrically imitated a thinking gesture. “You tell me, darling, you know me well enough.”
You weren’t so sure. As difficult as it was and despite the wine dizzying you, you were determined to stay on course. 
“Answer me. And please stop deflecting.” 
He smirked. “My dear, you want me now when I have no problems to deal with, is that it?” 
Deflecting yet again. He never stopped being a little shit and you both hated and loved it about him. 
“I want you,” you said, louder than you meant to. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“Your actions spoke otherwise,” he countered with a cheeky smile. 
There was no way in hells he was going to make it easy for you. In the end, it was your fault. His response stung despite his joking manner because of course, he was right. You closed the door instead of walking through it, and he respected your choice. He always did. But it looked like he would not let it slide now that the cat was out of the bag, the bastard was enjoying himself.
“At that time I thought it was for the best. I was wrong, okay?” you spat out going on offense. Damn, this wasn’t going according to plan but when did anything go right when this man was involved? Actually, you didn’t even have a plan, only a complete blackout, your brain refusing to cooperate. “Not anymore,” you added, placing your hand on his chest. You noticed a hint of tenderness in his eyes, unless you completely imagined it with your wine-muddled vision. His palm gently rested upon yours. It was electrifying.
He raised his eyebrow and a devious smirk graced his beautiful lips. “I’m truly flattered, my dear, however your seduction technique needs some work. I thought you’d learned something from me, but clearly not.”
“You…you’re such an ass,” you chided. Hells, he was infuriating. Yet you didn’t move your hand away from the spot where his heart would be beating if he were alive.  
He snickered. “And you’re adorable.”
“Having fun, just like old times, huh?”
“It’s hard not to with you, sweetheart. I have to admit that I do enjoy our roles being reversed.” 
Shit, if you could wipe that smirk off of his stupidly handsome face with a kiss, you would. But you still had enough presence of mind to not do it.
You placed your other hand on his smooth cold cheek, running your fingers over his cheekbone. The face chiseled by gods. How was anyone ever allowed to look this perfect? Your thumb found a way to the corner of his lips, caressing it ever so gently. He didn’t pull away, stood still almost rigid, his stare buried into you with pure undiluted focus. 
As the alcohol slowly began evaporating from your system, you were certain right now you hadn’t imagined the tenderness. Mixed with amusement…and longing. Nothing changed about the fact that you could read everything from his crimson eyes, like from an open book. He presented himself as mysterious but one act of kindness and the facade crumbled. You’d seen it so many times. He wanted you as much as you wanted him. Intense warmth started to spread from your loins up to your face, threatening to consume you.
“Are you casting Charm on me, darling? That’s cheating,” he huffed. “And it doesn’t have an effect on the Undead.”  
You feigned being offended. “As if you didn’t know how my spellcasting works. I didn’t resort to cheap tricks before and don’t need to do it now either.”
“What is it then?”
“You tell me, darling.”
“So cheeky.”
“I’ve learned something from you after all.”
“Perhaps,” he admitted and released himself from under your touch. “We shall continue this enlightening conversation later, I have some business to attend to. Come see me at the Rivington Mill in two days.” 
Bastard, leaving you all hot and bothered like this. At least you knew where to find him.  
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