#i've worked so hard on this and it's literally the dumbest thing i've ever made????????? why

[cryptomiracle]

more creepypasta headcanons

(+ marble hornets)

WARNINGS:

Ooc? Idk

I started this at 2 am and you can tell

Cursing

I write on my phone so the format may be a little weird

Any brands, games, or characters mentioned in this do NOT belong to me, nor am I sponsored by them in any way.

This is very unserious, I've noticed that a lot of my other hcs usually take a "dark" turn and so I decided to make some that didn't.

You could even say they're a bit... silly.

You should totally check out my masterlist for more hcs (it's pinned)

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Characters: masky, hoodie, ticci toby, jeff the killer, and BEN DROWNED.

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Jeff:

he's extremely hard headed, he WILL argue/fight with someone over the dumbest things and he'll never stop arguing, even if he knows the other person is right.

He has an "emo accent"

He likes to start drama between people, and then leave the crime scene.

He is so ashy you could strike a match off of his elbow

He's been wearing the same beat up converse since 2012, them things are being held together by duct tape and a prayer.

His favorite animal is a raccoon, he says they're sneaky and nocturnal like him.

He refuses to get a new phone, he won't even steal one.

He curses all the time just cause he can, sometimes he'll even jumble random curse words together.

BEN:

He listens to vocaloid and he doesn't play about miku

He runs one of those "rage bait" accounts that are painfully obviously bait

Still quotes old memes and refuses to let them die

Example: yeet, t-posing, and "sanic the hedgehog"

He scams old people on Facebook and e-daters, he doesn't feel bad about it either.

He uses the money he gets from scamming to buy v-bucks and overwatch coins

He once doxxed someone for dissing miku

slender had to take away his mic privileges because he was keeping everyone up at night by yelling bloody murder at people on fortnite/overwatch

once showed up at someones house because they emoted on him after killing him in game

Toby:

He vapes, and thinks he's so cool cause he can do "vape tricks" and he makes people watch him while he does them

Someone once gave him apple cider, told him it was alcohol, and he pretended to be drunk.

His phone gallery is filled with random photos, like there'll be a low quality picture of a tree and then right beside it a picture of a ceiling. Just random stuff

Mint chocolate chip ice cream enjoyer

He's really flexible, although he has bad posture he can do back bends, the splits, etc

more on his terrible posture; when he sits he literally looks like this: ) )

When he first started working for slenderman, he REFUSED to live in the manor and lived outside. While he lived outside he became friends with a lot of the wildlife, slender eventually made him move into the manor because there was a rumor that toby was going to make a "possum army" and try to overthrow slender

He will fight anyone and anything he really doesn't care about his, or their well-being.

Had a "weeb" phase when he was in middle school and he still has nightmares about "naruto running" away from his bullies.

Hoodie:

He can make a killer sandwich (lol) he's not the best at cooking other things, but if you get him to make you a sandwich, he'll bless your taste buds.

He loves karaoke, he can't sing for shit but he still does it anyway

He acts like a millennial (I'm sorry) not to the point where it's completely unbearable, but he will send people "relatable memes" every now and then

He enjoys online arguments, he'll never participate but he will scroll through different threads of people arguing for hours on end

He likes for people to say stuff like "GO WHITE BOY GO" to him

He blushes when he lies, he's a scarily good liar but if you ever want to catch him in a lie, point out the fact that his cheeks are red.

Whenever he has a drink with a straw, he holds the straw in-between his tooth gap.

he sends streaks.

Masky:

He has a NASTYYY side eye, and sometimes he'll scrunch up his nose while side eyeing someone just to make it sting even more

Contemplated getting a mullet once, he never went through with it though.

He coughs like someone's grandfather who smoked three packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years

If someone says a word that reminds him lf a song he likes, it'll automatically get stuck in his head and he'll hum it all day after that.

he isn't weak when it comes to stinky smells, but if it's stinky enough to make him gag he's extremely overdramatic.

he learned how to sew because of how much he ripped his jeans, shirts, etc.

Sleeps so hard sometimes people think he's dead, he'll just be laying there looking casket ready but everyone is too scared to check on him cause he gets super grumpy when woken up.

he always keeps a little money hidden somewhere, even if it's just a 5 dollar bill.

he's superstitious, if he sees you attempt to walk under a ladder he will physically drag you back and make you walk around it.

he has a pair of brass knuckles which he only saves for "special occasions" they're his favorite things ever, he even named them.

he only uses his phone to call, text, or search something up, and that's it.

he doesn't even have YouTube installed.

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I will be reading over this to check for any errors, ty for reading - M

[avelera]

I am never going to be over what the movies did with Steve and Tony's dynamic, because- listen, listen. The reason Civil War was (supposed to, it was kind of a hot mess) hit so hard in the comics was that these two were *best friends* and had been for decades of comic time. In the movies, they never are friends, so Civil War is just two colleagues who never really got on, and not the devastating tearing apart of a long-established friendship group.

Dude I literally burst out into like... outraged, furious laughter in the theater when Tony said, "I thought I was your friend?" because, umm, footage not fucking found?

I completely get and respect the comic readers here for whom Steve & Tony and Steve/Tony were, in fact, the best of friends! But the MCU never ever actually showed it.

To cram that line, which felt lifted from the comics, into the MCU was genuinely laughable. How could Tony possibly think he compares to what we've seen of Steve and Bucky's relationship, since childhood even if you don't ship them, as the only person Steve has left from his entire life pre-WWII? How could Tony possibly think he compares except through the lens of a galaxy sized ego and being totally self-involved to the exclusion of all else? How could any work colleague, since that's what they are at best when not outright antagonists to each other in the MCU, think they'd compare to a childhood friend in danger, that Tony is actively putting in danger? Who Tony is blaming for the death of his father despite the fact they've got piles of evidence that Bucky was a mind-controlled prisoner of war being actively tortured at the time?

It's literally staggering, it beggars belief that this line was uttered. And wildly enough, it's not even my least favorite line in Civil War. (That one goes to Vision's stupid fucking comment about how strength invites challenge, basically victim-blaming the superheroes for having villains, which only possibly makes any sense if you ignore Thor, the greater galaxy, all of the infinity stones, and basically every other part of the MCU timeline before Steve Rogers got the serum, Christ that line makes me mad.

Oh, and the line about Tony just handwaving signing the accords because their lawyers can fix it later as the most boneheaded line of insane privilege I've ever heard. Kids, never fucking sign something just because you can supposedly fix it later, christ it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.)

ANYWAY, I have major beef with Civil War's logic. It never should have happened where it did in the MCU. Cap 3 should have been dedicated to its original plot before they found out RDJ was staying on in the MCU and they had the pieces to make Civil War (the original was the hunt for Bucky and an examination of Captain America's legacy through the lens of Bucky killing off the pretenders the US government set up to be him over the years, and I still weep that we never got it) But I do honestly, deeply, have sympathy for comic fans and why they're mad about the Steve and Tony friendship never actually appearing on screen in any meaningful way.

Civil War shouldn't have happened then. Civil War is a plot you run now, when you've got the rights to the X-Men and too many damn characters running amok. Civil War would be perfect now for pairing down some of the ballooning MCU nonsense. The cast was literally not big enough circa Cap 3 to make Civil War. And I'm eternally bitter that they pivoted away from the smaller-scale Cap-centric movie we should have had and instead made another Avengers movie in its name.

[maulthots]

Rots novelization LAST ONE!!! I have a lot to say.

Cunty.

Obi wan and Yoda are sneaking into coruscant and they get stopped, at which point obi wan is like, please look at my Jedi baby and the guard says, that's the ugliest fucking baby I've ever seen, and then yoda (the baby) kills him. Like alright.

I cannot stress enough how much sheev just utters the phrase "we are one nation, indivisible" right before he creates the empire.

Padme is the one who gets bail organa and Mon mothma to vote for the emperor so they don't get arrested and executed. Crazy. And then she's like, I don't think I'm going to live that long.

Girl.

Edgy king

He's hunting the separatist leaders and they're like, sheev promised us we'd be left in peace and Vader is like, no haha he said you'd be left in pieces lol XD he is soooooo funny

Sheev was at the order 66 Jedi temple thing. I mean I guess obviously he was but I just never thought about it. I wonder, sorry, if he was like sexually gratified by watching his attack dog get to work, sorry. "He purred like a contented rancor" so I guess maybe yes.

Obi wan said he should have let the zabrak kill him on naboo SO TRUE KING

The baby really does kill all those separatists and then immediately begins to plot killing sidious. The rule of two is not even like a doctrine. It's just inevitable.

He has to reassemble himself into Anakin Skywalker before he meets padme again. Love that. Obsessed. Put on that mask baby boy

"lord Vader gets such a thrill from killing people who care for him" 😵‍💫

Anakin is like, let palpatine do the dirty work. Girl, you got a big storm coming.

Me when I see my fatherbrothermentorlover

He gave obi wan a chance to walk away. Feeling some kind of way about it.

Dumbest series of lines cut from the novel. Obi wan says that only the sith deal in absolutes and then mercifully does NOT follow up with the chancellor is evil.

Omgggg r2 is trying to rescue padme wah he's literally her droid!

The sith spent the last thousand years evolving while the Jedi spent the last thousand years sitting pretty in their temple, and that's why Yoda lost. He lost like a hundred years before he was born.

The sound I made out loud....

Oh shit obi wan used the force to fuck with Anakin's hand, got his lightsaber, and got bodied anyway.

Sheev has called Yoda, and I quote, a little green freak twice in a quarter of a page.

Anakin is holding both of obi wans wrists so hard they're going to break I repeat Anakin is holding both of obi wans wrists I repeat Anakin is hol

Kermit.

I am going to hurl

Anakin Designed His Lightsaber Based On Obi Wan's.

It would be a mercy to kill him and he was not feeling merciful????

Sidious picked him right up off the sand. Yoked.

Obi wan is like let's put luke on tatooine. Anakin survived it. Girl and we all know how that turned out.

Hurg

Gorl.

Gorlllll.

Anyway, bail organa is a prince consort. Important.

[hymemena]

100 Gecs (2023 Album) 10,000 Gecs Sentence Starters

Feel free to change pronouns as necessary, and remember to specify muse for multimuse blogs.

CW: Drug use, drugs, death, religious themes, smoking, mental health, food, sensory problems, guns, weapons, threats, death threats, stalking, murder, abuse, injury, violence, insomnia, cursing

—

Dumbest Girl Alive

"If you think I'm stupid now, you should see me when I'm high."

"I'm smarter than I look."

"I'm the dumbest girl alive."

"Never ask me what I think."

"Money coming from my eyes."

"I'm so happy I could die!"

"Put emojis on my grave."

"Yeah, I'll fuckin' text you back."

757

"Yeah, I'll never go to Heaven."

"I've been smokin' since eleven."

"I got problems with my spending."

"Doing eight in a thirty."

"I'm never in a hurry."

"Everybody wanna party!"

"Wish that I was more discerning."

"Where's the water?"

"Today I'm feeling pitiful."

"I'm taking things too literal when it was hypothetical."

"Now, I'm whining over nothing."

Hollywood Baby

"What you crying about, Baby?"

"Did you get the payment?"

"We had an arrangement."

"Do you wanna party?"

"So go pitch your fit, no one gives a shit."

"I'm going crazy."

"Do you buckle under pressure?"

"You'll never make it in Hollywood, Baby."

Frog On The Floor

"Where'd he come from?"

"Nobody knows."

"He's been chillin' in the basement for a minute."

"It's time we move into the kitchen."

"Make him feel safe."

"Frog on the floor."

"Hey, yeah, I heard you met my friend the other weekend."

"He got on his front legs and did a keg stand."

"The party got real."

"He was chasing flies around."

"Give him some space, he's still workin' it out."

"He doesn't know what people think about."

"He gets the party jumping."

Doritos & Fritos

"Okay, I went to France."

"I went to Greece to get something to eat."

"I'm hard to please."

"Okay, I saw the beach."

"It's one hundred degrees."

"I'll swim in the ocean."

"The TV's tuned to cable."

"I'm sleeping when I'm able."

"The TV's on so loud it hurts my brain."

"I'm eating burritos."

"Jeez Louise, I'm weak in the knees."

"I'm joining the circus."

"I'm lying to strangers."

"I'm looking for danger!"

Billy Knows Jamie

"-Muse- got a gun."

"-Muse-'s gonna kill me, think I need to run."

"-Muse- is kinda scary when he's lookin' at you."

"Run!"

"I've heard it all before."

"He's like a movie star."

"They say he's so deranged."

"Bought mace to keep me safe."

"It's not enough to stay away."

"He knows my house and he knows my name."

"I'm in the closet scared."

"He's kicking down the door."

One Million Dollars

"One million dollars."

"I'm a marijuana addict."

"Fuck you!"

The Most Wanted Person In The United States

"I turned on the news."

"I turned on the news and it said that I was the number one most wanted person in the United States."

"Yeah, I'm a real killer."

"I just killed -muse- and then I ate his dinner."

"I took his car."

"I took his car and I crashed it in the river."

"I was born in the winter."

"Hot like the summer."

"Don't cry to me."

"Don't cry to me, I'm not your mother."

"Everybody shuts the fuck up when I'm passing."

"I'm laughing 'cause shit's so funny."

"Oh, is it hot like that?"

"Yeah, it's hot like that."

"Don't need to ask me."

I Got My Tooth Removed

"You were tough."

"You were unforgiving."

"Made me cry all the time."

"You were mean, such an asshole."

"I had to say goodbye."

"I don't wanna talk about it ever again."

"My head's like a ton of bricks."

"This dumb bitch still learns new tricks."

"I woke up and was down horrendous."

"I think I need to see a dentist."

"Praying to a fuckin' God I'll never be."

"If it's gonna fix itself, I guess it's just as well."

"It doesn't hurt me every day so I just let it get away."

"I'll deal with it another day."

"I guess that day just never came."

"I don't know what to do."

"My cheek swelled up twice its size."

"Playing Operation with a safety pin."

"Looking up home remedies."

"I'm staring at the ceiling, counting seconds 'til I get to sleep."

"That shit didn't work."

"I promised you, honest, tried my hardest."

mememe

"Back once again."

"You'll never really know."

"You'll never really know anything about me."

"No, you'll never really know anything."

"When we were together I tried to tell you."

"I used to tap dance when I was in choir."

"I broke my arm when my -parent- crashed a go-kart."

"I tried on your lipstick, I thought I looked pretty."

"You're always so busy."

"You're always so busy so you never hear me."

"Do I sound like a joke when I'm talking to you?"

"I take it back."

"You say so many things."

"I'll laugh too fucking hard."

"You probably think I'm so mean."

"I don't even know you."

"I guess it's such an easy game."

"Could you explain it all away?"

"OK, bet, I forget."

"I don't think I'll pretend it's cool."

[thedastrash]

OC Tag Game!

Ooo thanks for tagging me @kittynomsdeplume & @cleverblackcat!! This took a while to get to but it was very fun!

Favorite OC: Evil question to start. I can't possibly choose unless I set some limits for myself so I'm going to cheat and say my most popular OC. I have the most art of her by no fault of my own. Velaneth Surana is my canon HoF and Warden Commander. Vela is a very open person: never lies, has no body shame, and loves to learn about other people and where they’ve come from. She walks into every hostile situation with her best foot forward trying to make friends and allies.

Newest OC: I’m slowly congealing my ideas about Orlagh Trevelyan because I’ve been imagining what the different cultures of the Freemarches look like - especially on the coast where trade is frequent. She’s from Ostwick of course and trained as a Templar as a youth but spent summers at a monastery with her aunt in Wycome which I imagine a bit like Morocco. I’ve been staring at my Pinterest boards imagining her lonely days growing up and what it means for her to leave her walls behind and be thrust into this new organization with all these people and their differing ideals. I'm particularly interested in exploring her being a templar but having some latent magic that has been tied up in her templar abilities so long she didn't realize it was ever there.

Oldest OC: In DA my oldest OC is Topaz Brosca from my original run of origins. The one where my save got deleted right before the Landsmeet lol rip. I've recently revisited her and I'm falling in love with her again. She's a hot trans girl and stabby rogue and she falls in love with the surface world immediately. My oldest OC ever though... might be a self insert hobbit character I made for myself as a child before I knew what fandom or fanfiction was lol! I think her name was Charlie? my memory is BAD but I know that's a name I loved as a kid.

Meanest OC: Szadrine Aeducan is my final origin from DAO to get an OC and I'm slowly growing deeply obsessed. She’s involved in (literal) cutthroat Orzammar politics and ends up skipping the warden bit after the whole betrayal and exile thing. She simply deserts at Ostagar. I think she should end up kicking ass in Orlais because she would be so good at the Game.

Softest OC: Bearnard Cousland is a soft, sweet, bookish baby-gay who would rather bury himself in his research in a library than seek glory or fight battles or do politics. Bearn is the second son so he’s gotten away with avoiding some of that but of course he has to attend his lessons and participate in the tourneys. His scholarly work lends him some political savvy since he’s intimately familiar with Ferelden’s history, but he’s most interested in lost texts and translating ancient works. He never had good gay role models growing up and thinks of himself as homely and forgettable, so he never felt like that was an option for him, but Maker does he ever pine lol!

Most Aloof/Standoffish OC: Gotta be Irene Amell. She's a real bitch with resting murder face. Incredibly unapproachable, intimidating Domme energy. Tends to default dislike people and keep to herself, prefering to slink around and eavesdrop than talk to people for info. She’s very protective and loving toward her close friends and lovers, but it’s hard to get close in the first place.

Dumbest OC: Myrna Hawke is a smart woman, she's an accomplished mage, enjoys reading, quick witted, but she has zero self-awareness and has a very hard time even understanding how she feels, much less how other people feel about her. She’s absolutely clueless and fully blindsided by anyone’s interest & gets tongue tied and stupid when she’s horny. She’s also very impulsive and acts before she thinks things through which leads to getting into a lot of dumb shit.

Smartest OC: There are excellent contenders here: Bearn with his book smarts and Topaz with her street smarts, but I want to say Ithadhea Mahariel because even though they are incredibly dense when it comes to interpersonal relations, their wealth of traditional knowledge from their clan is incredible. They are not really a people person, usually quiet and solitary, but they took to hunting like they were born for it and eagerly learned everything in the realm of woodcraft and survival. They know all their clan's stories by heart and and know resources by seasons in a way that is part of their internal clock. I think this kind of generational knowledge probably outstrips the scope of any of my other OC's knowledge.

OC I’d Be Friends With: Edric Cadash is so laid back and friendly I think he’d be one of the easiest to make friends with. I want to have tea and gossip with him and have that turn into late night drinking and telling stories by the fire. Vela would be an instant friend as well; she wants to befriend everyone and she'd have an easy time with me!

no pressure tagging some of my DA OC enjoying friends: @sinquisition, @highwayphantoms, @lets-get-brave, @sandalinbohemia, @dismalzelenka and anyone else who wants to share! Feel free to @ me so I can see your post! <3

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 2x04 review

Honestly, for someone who is meant to push people away and not tell anyone what he's dealing with, Conrad is pretty open about the stuff he's going through. He straight up tells Belly's brother he's having a panic attack and what he can do to help instead of just yelling at him to go the fuck away or something. Idk man.

"Talk about anything" launches into a speech about the beach and how Conrad is the coolest person in the world. The funniest thing about things like this is dialogue about "inconsequential" things would make their bond seem more realistic instead of pointed talks about memories and how cool the other person is. One of the reasons why the gang in T70s works is because they just talk about dumb shit together

"He's grown into quite the asshole" I mean has he, Skye? Your mother is being unnecessarily hostile about the whole thing, it seems like he's just matching her energy idk.

Like this isn't even me being team Conrad or anything because I don't care about him but he hasn't DONE anything for the way everyone talks about him.

Like he's isn't warm when she talks to him in his room but his energy is different because Julia's energy is different.

Jfc they're really trying to make me believe that Taylor and brother dude like each other with how they antagonize each other but this is as performative as Belly trying to be twirly and giddy around Conrad.

Steven. I'm not going to remember that.

"Let's do some drills down by the beach, volleyball camp is in five days." "I haven't touched a ball in months" isn't that why you do the drills, Belly?

"It was hard enough for me to get this one" *laughs* Why is that funny?

Belly actress does the Katie Holmes shrug. It was annoying then, it's annoying now.

"Well we're your family too" even though I kissed you then your brother then made the wake about me because Conrad lay his head on his ex-girlfriend's lap and I admittedly forgot to check up on you when Susannah died because I was too busy focusing on Conrad which consisted of me telling him to stop being sad at prom and then breaking up with him.

The only time Conrad's lack of a facial expression has worked is him looking at Belly when she's all "the magical sea breeze will cool you down"and his face is like that the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Did Belly tell Conrad her plan of schmoozing Skye and I just forgot it because it's very possible, I'm barely paying attention but if she hadn't, maybe she could. Or is this supposed to show how Belly and Jere are best friends now.

Skye doesn't come across as an introvert, they just come across as kind of an ass. "I don't smile, I don't high five, the corners of my mouth might turn up but I WILL NOT SMILE" we get it, you're cool.

No one on this show is likeable.

Them getting ready to play laser tag is literally the ONLY TIME they seem like friends.

I mean, we had pizza for *Christmas* dinner. OH THE HORROR.

Are whaling boats fancy?

I don't need to see this rock climbing scene. Next.

How many Taylor Swift songs do we NEED in a show. I understand I'm the only one who thinks this.

"It was supremely satisfying watching you wipe the floor with Conrad after everything he put you through" YOU MEAN BEING SAD??

"You used to cry every time you looked at the Tower of Terror" yeah but he's, like, seventeen now, Belly.

"He made it so hard not to love him." I MEAN HOW? BECAUSE HE SPOKE? Jesus Christ.

"Used to love him, I mean" JERE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT. I would appreciate this more if it was fun messy.

LMAO so when Jere is like "And what's the key to making me happy, Belly?" I was like oh OK because there was like a hint of innuendo in his voice, completely unintentional I think, but it was a bit like ooh, I hear that and then it was ENTIRELY ruined when she's like "correcting people who say bru-chetta" and he laughs and goes "Because it's bru-sketta!" and it was SUCH a corny delivery.

Skipping everything with the mom because I do not care.

So who's going to have a breakdown at the end of this episode?

"You're one of the most interesting people I've ever met" I'm laughing because the delivery came across as unintentionally sarcastic.

"Jeremiah is always there when I need him" it's a RIDE. I also love when she flashes back to him always being there for her the first instance is his mother telling him to stay inside with her because she's got a summer cold and him being like "MOM" and her being like "PLEASE" and him being like fine. Like that's not what you think that is. He should hang out with her and then be asked to go to the boardwalk and being like nah I think I'll just stay in with Belly. HOW IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS?

"And when he got sick two days later, I stayed home with him" so then wouldn't you two just be passing the cold back and forth to each other?

Ohhhhh they're looking at each other on this ride and she's feeling how much she likes him! and needs him! and they have NO chemistry!

"It feels weird having fun, like part of me feels guilty" if you were a good actress we would see that conflict in you the entire day but whatever, the show is really bad with showcasing how much Susannah's death is supposed to affect her.

Oh no breakdowns because that would require drama. Just the empty beach house which I know is meant to be a MOMENT but it isn't.

[angelofthepage]

12 and 13 for Audrey or Joey?

Crack headcanon and dumbest thing they’ve ever done for Audrey and Joey? Oh that's so hard for Joey, he's done a lot of really foolish things. X'''D

Okay, we're gonna start with the second one. I mean in canon, Audrey going down for coffee is probably the worst decision she could've made, not that she would've known that. And trusting Wilson even though he's the biggest liar ever, dare I say even worse than Joey. Joey, by contrast, has so many blunders that it's really hard to keep track of which one is the most ridiculous. I think, currently I'm in the camp of him making a fake Allison to help fake Henry and then calling it a day on the cycle being the dumbest thing he's ever done. Dude, no, you don't just leave fake versions of people and real transformed people who USED TO WORK FOR YOU in a cycle of perpetual cartoon HELL! You giving Henry a friend does not make up for literally every other horrible thing you have done, at least TRY to fix your mistakes, make the story nicer, just SOMETHING, ANYTHING to ease up on some of the horrors you've put them through! For the love of Bendy!

Crack headcanons? I don't usually have a lot of these, I've been trying to think of one for the past hour but have come up empty. Sorry about that. ^^"''' Thank you for asking! Care for more? Ask game is still going!

[ghostfvcker]

oc tag game!

I was tagged by @shellibisshe to do this!! I'm tagging @lesbian-croft @fizziefizzco (i think everyone else has been tagged?)

thank you for tagging me!!

favorite oc:

zirse of loudwater

as much as I wanted to put any other brain baby, Zirse is top of the chain. She's so interesting and multifaceted while maintaining that up-and-coming folk hero vibe. She's so genuine, and so kind, she's everything I've ever wanted to exemplify. Her struggles are so tangible. Everything hinges on her giving everything she has.

newest oc:

technically, quinn isn't even my newest oc. she's the one who is a) newest b) has a faceclaim c) has a name. in the time between when I made quinn in late april and now i have been working on a brand new silent hill oc, but still don't know what to do with her yet. so! quinn goes here lol

quinn crawford

oldest oc:

okay. story time. Cali has yet to have a spot on my oc page. I haven't mentioned her. AT ALL.

no header here

cali scott

Cali is my FIRST creepypasta oc. She was created in... literally i think it was like fall of 2012, when i was in the seventh grade and first got into creepypasta. I have tried many times to retire her, simply because very few things that are created by eleven year olds stand up to the test of time.... but she remains. She was created as a self-insert who was just a rough around the edges tomboy turned into a vigilante, preying on predators, who just... developed an addiction to human blood. She was a very chill, balanced character in the creepypasta mansion where everyone was off-the-walls high-octane insane but still able to keep up with them, that she is just a requirement to that setting. she evens everything out.

meanest oc:

kseniya ignatyeva

so it dawned on me that I don't make mean ocs without reason-- many of my ocs are nice, even if they're sociopathic, or are cruel but choose to be kind. Kseniya is a sharp edge in contrast to all of that. She can choose to be kind, she will sometimes try, but she is super untrusting and ruthless when she has to be. As a bioweapon, she's literally a killing machine.

softest oc:

nickey d'angelo

this poor bby. she just wants to hang out and protect her friends. :,)

most standoffish oc:

caeneth clay

she is. so hard to get close to. She keeps people at arms length always.

dumbest oc:

quinn crawford

look. she is a himbo. that's her thing. she's not exactly the smartest in regards to her powers and is constantly like. getting herself in trouble for being beast'd out for days afterwards. she's foolish

smartest oc:

tasya van olso

tasya is very sharp. she's quick-witted and learns things easily, especially through lectures. she's literally exploring and expanding her understanding of reality through her pact. intelligence is like, her second or third highest stat for a reason.

oc you'd be friends with irl:

willow weyland

willow is so human to me. many of my ocs are just, self inserts or facets of myself but willow's experiences are so real, and human. as im writing her story again, for the third time, this time in her own world in a space where she can breathe, she's just. ugh. my brain baby loml

[monaluisa]

14. Dumbest reason for fandom drama

19. Has anyone ever gotten mad over how you've portrayed an character or over a headcanon or something?

20. In what ways do you think this fandom should step outside it's comfort zone

4. Best historical Hetalia takes

6. Shout out to someone on Tumblr who has the best takes for your favorite character

12. What makes this Fandom different in a positive way compared to other fandoms

14. Probably the USUK/FrUK shipping wars in the days of yore. This is my second stint in the hetalia fandom; the first one was circa 2015-2017 when it was starting to die down, and I was pretty young and inexperienced, so I heard more about the drama then I really saw, but I think any shipping war is pretty stupid. I was into ATLA early in the pandemic and somehow I got caught up in the Zutara vs. Kataang wars even though I don't really ship either of them, so I've seen how irrational shipping wars make people.

19. Not yet, because I haven't made much, but I'm always terrified of it happening lol. A central plot point in the fic I'm working on now is that Greece is trying to kill Turkey to avenge Byzantium's death, and I preemptively put a disclaimer on the fic that it wasn't a commentary on Greco-Turkish relations just in case someone got mad.

20. I know that Hetalia isn't meant to be taken seriously at all, but I love to see when people do. I'd love to see more people explore the worldbuilding of it, like their immortality; I take it that they can die (ex: falling in the ocean and drowning or something) and then come back, but we know they can also die for real because it happened to Rome and Holy Rome, and I want to know at what point they die for real. What does death mean for them when it works like that? Also, what are the implications of the nation's existence? How much do they identify with humans and human culture, and how much are they seperate from it by virtue of immortality and literally being a political entity? Are they more in charge of their nations, or are they just immortal puppets to their boss of the day? What does family mean to people who cannot die and who are rarely (if ever) biologically connected to each other in the way that humans are? And how have all these things shaped them each individually as characters? Now I'm just listing stuff I like to write about lol.

4. The HRE, Austria, and Prussia were all children together; Austria and Prussia grew up, but Holy Rome, being pretty weak, never did, and so Austria essentially became his caretaker, and watched him wither away from the 30 Years War until finally succumbing to the clusterfuck that is Napoleonic Europe. Austria was so torn up that he ordered the creation of Germany (or the German Confederation) primarily for political reasons, but also maybe as a way to replace Holy Rome as a person. Germany then spent like 1815-1866 torn between what Austria wanted him to be and what Prussia wanted him to be, all while Prussia is slowly taking the reigns from Austria and essentially forcing Germany to grow up too fast into war and conquest, ultimately pitting him against Austria in the Austro-Prussian War. Taking all of my own headcanons into consideration, I just think that Prussia, Austria, and Germany are really interesting characters to examine.

6. It's hard for me to pick a favorite character (Probably Prussia or Romano) but @sailorgreywolf-german has some of the best takes on the HRE I've seen.

12. First of all, there's the fact that you can never leave it, so like the theoretically-immortal characters, it's hard for the fandom to truly be dead. Second of all, the only thing really uniting the fandom is the concept of the show and the loosely-agreed upon characters in it, and you have all of history to work them into, so for a history nut like myself, that mean ideas come fairly easily. I wrote a fic about HRE dying where I briefly mentioned Byzantium throwing Greece off of the wall of Constantinople, so then I wrote a fic about that, and now I'm writing a fic where that wall-yeeting (and the subsequent fall of Constantinople and death of Byzantium) is a big sticking point of Greece's character. Hetalia is the gift that keeps giving lol.

[wack-ashimself]

Microsoft 'logic'.

I have been banned on any video game device only ONE time in my life. Probably close to over 1/2 a decade ago at least. It was for only 2 days. And it was ONLY for online communication; I could still play any games I wanted.

And I am quite proud of it. I worked HARD to figure out the best way to tell someone to fuck off.

"I am going to fuck your dad in the ass."

<and coming from a straight white guy, that pisses them off even more!>

It's short, sweet, but offends ANYONE I've ever said it to (which has been...1 technically. Everyone else I have said it to was me telling THIS story of getting banned and why. But they admitted-that's a pretty fucked up thing to say to someone.) Try it out on someone who pisses you off. It's fun! Calls their dad gay, a submissive bottom bitch (I will never imply force, only choice), and 3x worse than a your mama burn.

BUT, I was caught cuz I wrote them a message. So I knew, no matter how mad, never send a message to anyone. If anything, say it in game. Don't even send them an audio message. Don't need to give them bullets to fire, ya know? And I only would say that in EXTREME circumstances.

Flashforward to sunday afternoon. Wake up and SOMETHING I did saturday night got me reported TWICE, back to to back. Which makes absolutely NO sense. Because, again, both reports came in at the exact same time, I can safely assume that it was for the same offense. And maybe 2 different people reported me? But you get...marks, I guess? 8 marks in one year and YOU ARE BANNED FROM ONLINE GAMING FOR A YEAR!? I got THREE in ONE NIGHT?! (I had ZERO before this.) And it must be from the same person: literally, to the second, they were reported in. One was 1 second after the next. Literally. But here's where it gets weirder. 1-the first report was 1 mark. The second report was TWO marks. WHY was the second report worth more? If they came in the SAME time, it's the SAME offense, but one is worth more? WTF logic is that? 2-when I complained, they said I was being 'sexually aggressive' in nature. Did NOT say what I did, when, or to who. WTF? I never said I would rape or murder. I didn't send a dick pic. I didn't do anything! I talked a LOT of shit cuz I was playing comp with the dumbest mother fucking teams ever. But nothing sexual. That's...boring. And distracting. Like that insult above is the MEANEST thing I have said online in years. And I said it once. 3-again, I have been told to KILL MYSELF by assholes online. I made a promise DECADES ago never to say that to a stranger. Cuz they may just do it. And I don't need that on my head. But those evil fuckers talking rape and murder get to stay online?

So not only am I banned till WEDNESDAY night (4 days. 2 days longer than the last ban) but I am not allowed to play ANY multiplayer games. Tho I OWN them and have online gold. Evil fuckers.

What's even stranger? RIGHT after this happened, I had a FUCK TON of friends on twitter AND facebook saying how they were being shadow banned, censored, and straight up banned off social media, In HUGE numbers, unprovoked. My newsfeed was drenched in claims.

This isn't a coincidence. I have been doing/saying the same borderline rated R but NOT rated x in online gaming. NOW they start mass editing what we can say/do? I think this is one of those times of they wonder 'just how much shit can we get away with?'

<Side note. This was overwatch. Which I have 5 star level endorsement. The HIGHEST endorsement you can get. YOU ONLY GET THOSE IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO ENDORSE YOU! So are they endorsing me then doxxing me? WTF?>

Also I know I won't look like the best guy here. I am just throwing it all out there: I am not always the easiest gamer to game with, however, I don't tell people I'm going to rape or murder them. So maybe handle the PSYCHOS first? I've been told to go die! Holy shit man. That's not as evil as anything I ever said to a stranger. They're usually stupid fucking kids being cruel too. So even if they did convince a kid to kill themselves, they'd probably get away with it....that's fucked up. Here's a fun story. 7th grade. Bully. SMART bully. Literally, TO MY FACE, said 'I could kill you, declare insanity, and be out in a few years.' SEVENTH FUCKING GRADE!

[thediaryofs0nic]

I'd like to write some of my thoughts from today. Why do my parents care so much about what happens between me and my boyfriend. They act like im dating as a 13 year old, im fucking 18. Let me and my own partner sleep in the same bed, stop being fucking weird about me having sex. Yall make me listen to it every other week and it's fucking weird. On top of that bs they also like to be randomly transphobic and homophobic out of the blue but no theyre not absolutely not. I wish my father wasn't so fucking weird about every fucking thing. Literally every day hes coming up to me and reading some shit thats either racist, homophobic, sexist, or just straight insensitive, whys he gotta be such an asshole. I just want to live and I dont want to talk about him because he doesn't respect me, he's always making me feel like the dumbest person in the fucking world with his man-splainy smart-ass attitude. I try to be considerate, I try to be generous, I try to stay out of his way but noooooo he wants to try and start shit every fucking day even with I haven't entertained it forever. I seriously don't have a single redeemable feature in my mind when describing him, I mean maybe MAYBE his knowledge of cars if he wasn't super fucking lazy. If im ever compared to him I will kill myself, ok a little far but serious he is the worst person ive met.

On another note, I just want to see my boyfriend and be our of this bullshit school. I might actually like school if I could focus but I'm always do 3 fucking things at once and can't give 100% of my attention at anything. I've been super fucking lazy when it comes to doing school work and I can't handle it. It's causing so much stress but I can't do it. I sit down and open an assignment and doing it is like torture, I literally keep getting distracted and I have to find ways to stimulate/quiet my brain enough to focus. I get the most work done when I'm sleep deprived or listening to ambience for fuck sake. I need to be diagnosed and medicated for depression and adhd but I cant handle my own problems, which, by the way, are all made up. I have to surround myself with things that give me a little bit of dopamine just to get by, masturbating every day multiple times, playing mindless video games, and spending hours on the internet because life is too hard to live. I can't handle this. I'm genuinely through with life because I don't quite see a point unless it's to have my one with my partner but that doesn't seem possible either. Fuck politicians, fuck religion, fuck my jackass father, fuck these homophobic nazi cunts, fuck the world. I want to live and express myself without having to worry about being ATTACKED AND KILLED IN THE STREET. The worst part is that I cant even trust the fucking POLICE to protect me. I feel more fear from looking at a police officer than I do looking at any suspicious looking criminal because at least its a 50% chance a suspicious person will have a gun but a 100% chance a police officer will and a 50% chance they'll try to kill me with or without it if they try to talk to me. I hate the world, I hate the government, I hate my father, i hate this cursed hell scape we live on. I am plagued by fear by simply existing. I can't see a shiny easy future for me. It won't be like that. I'll be stuck in this forever. I won't get out of this bullshit. We'll curse the world to melt into the sun without a piece of the human race having survived because of our own bullshit. I hate myself and I hate that I was ever born. Why did I have to ripe everyone into this shit.

[moonyixdraws]

me: i have work to do. real life work. and as well as that, i have an ongoing art project that i need to finish and i've got to update my fic today because i'm already really late updating and i've got to write. i need to focus.

my brain: okay but what if...you spent 4 hours painting levihan as a stock image?

me: that sounds unproductive and dumb

me: let's do it

[linawritesocs]

𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐧'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝐬𝐫 𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞

looks like this beach trip isn't gonna be so peaceful after all.. featuring @scarabiaa's dragon son and healer daughter!!

also, similar to my ghost marriage vignettes, these beach episode stories are all connected, excluding riley's one. so yeah, be prepared for allen's vignette <3

roland: "looks like everyone is having fun despite us being from rival schools."

roland: "i'm so glad that this beach trip is going well. i hope i made the right decision to bring everyone here."

roland: "this guy though.."

roland: "what was his name? ignite? ignite colet- no, that isn't right."

roland: "why should i care about his name anyway?"

roland: "he's having way too much fun. and also-"

meditrina: we're dating, we have an unfair advantage together.

roland: ".. he's dating meditrina-san."

roland: "why? why did she choose him?"

roland: "after all i did for her, after all we did together, she chose him instead."

roland: "why is she being so cruel? does she hate me?"

roland: "is it because of that one time i used my unique magic on her?"

roland: "i know that what i did was wrong and i don't deserve forgiveness, but.."

roland: "i love meditrina-san. she's everything to me. she reminds me so much of her.."

roland: "and i'm willing to do anything to make her love me. and i'm okay with using my unique magic, even though i hate it."

roland: "but it didn't work. so what should i do? what will make her fall in love with me? how can i make her break up with that guy?"

*flashback*

???: "don't you think she deserves better than ignis? you should make her believe that you're perfect for her! prove that you're smarter, stronger and simply better than ignis!"

???: "or you can just get rid of the competition.. if you know what i mean."

*flashback ends*

roland: ...

roland: "i can't believe that i have to take his advice."

---------------------------------------------

roland: "oh, looks like they're taking a break from their game."

roland: "ignite boy is all alone! now's a perfect chance for me to talk to him!"

roland: hey, ignite!~ it was so fun to watch you all play together!

ignis: ...

roland: oh, come on, don't be shy! yes, i'm from rsa, but we can still be friends!

ignis: .. i don't have anything against rsa students.

ignis: also, my name is ignis.

roland: i don't ca- ahem, sorry about that. it's a bit hard for me to remember nrc students' names.

roland: anyway, wanna get ice cream together? oh, i wonder what your favorite flavor could be!

ignis: i-i'm good. you can go without me.

roland: what did i tell you? don't be shy! i want to be friends with you, ignis!

ignis: .. i doubt it.

roland: huh? what did you just say?

ignis: *sighs* roland, i'm gonna be honest here. we both know that you don't want to be friends with me.

ignis: you look at me like i'm your arch-nemesis or something.

ignis: and yes, i can tell that even if you have only one eye visible!

roland: .. oh. well, i tried to be nice, but it looks like i don't have a choice.

roland: ignis, i have only one question to ask.

roland: why did meditrina-san choose you instead of me?

roland: i tried to act like a good person around her, i was nice to her, i was polite, i listened to her talk, i encouraged her to stop bottling up her feelings..

roland: SO WHY DID SHE CHOOSE YOU?

roland: you're literally the dumbest person i've ever met. and trust me, i've met a lot of dumb people, rsa is full of them.

roland: i wish i could say that your appearance is the only good thing about you, but we're basically twins. you're not that special.

roland: wait a minute, WE EVEN LOOK ALMOST THE SAME, BUT WHY DID SHE STILL CHOOSE YOU?

roland: is it because i have to wear an eyepatch? is it because of my horns?

roland: so why the-

*SLAP*

roland: ...

ignis: "why did she choose me?" honestly, sometimes i also ask myself the same question.

ignis: meditrina is amazing. she's smart, she's talented, she's capable of so many things..

ignis: but instead of asking that question, i decided to be grateful. i'm grateful for being chosen by her.

ignis: i don't know what i did, but i'm so happy to be her boyfriend and i love her with all my heart!..

ignis: but i know what i did NOT do. and i think that already makes me a better boyfriend than you.

ignis: at least i didn't make meditrina invisible to everyone for days, just to be able to do anything to her while people have no idea about what happened to her!

roland: ...

ignis: seriously, roland, what was going on in your head when you did that? did you really think meditrina would fall in love with you after that?

ignis: you made her invisible to all of us. we couldn't hear her voice. we couldn't even touch her. it was like she stopped existing for everyone but you.

ignis: how can you wonder why she didn't choose you after that??

roland: .. but that's how i express my love-

ignis: IT WASN'T LOVE, ROLAND! YOU JUST GOT OBSESSED WITH HER AND YOU ISOLATED HER FROM EVERYONE!

ignis: roland, i don't mind spending time with rsa students. i'm all for it, i think this school rivalry is stupid.

ignis: but please, i beg you, leave meditrina alone.

ignis: or i'll make you regret everything you did to her.

roland: .. okay, i promise i won't use my magic on her ever again.

ignis: i find it hard to believe-

roland: but what if i use my unique magic on you instead?

roland: what if i make everyone forget about you? what if i make you invisible to all of them, they won't be able to hear your screams, they won't be able to touch you too, so no matter how hard you try to hold meditrina-san's hand, she won't feel it.

meditrina: oh really? i can hold his hand easily right now.

roland and ignis: HUH?

ignis: you- you've been watching us the whole time?

meditrina: not just me. everyone saw you two and they heard every word you said.

meditrina: it looks like you should've used your unique magic earlier, roland.

roland: ...

rsa student a: is that the gardening club leader?

rsa student b: i knew that he was creepy, but that's a whole new level..

rsa student c: WHAT IF HE BROUGHT US ALL HERE TO KILL US??

roland: i- i can explain-

meditrina: let's go, ignis. i think it's better to leave him for now.

ignis: o-okay.

meditrina: it's good that he didn't hurt you. i don't think i brought any healing items with me.

ignis: i'm fine, don't worry about me, haha..

roland: listen, you all weren't supposed to hear this! can't we get at least some privacy?

rsa student a: i doubt that you'll be able to get any privacy after this.

*rsa students start to talk to each other*

roland: please, stop..

roland: CAN YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP FOR A SECOND?

rsa students: ...

roland: seriously, why all of you are so annoying.. i was right, rsa is full of dumb people.

roland: *goes away*

fake!jay: .. was that roland-senpai?

fake!jay: i can't believe it. is this really his true self?

fake!jay: what do you think, allen-senpai?

allen: *breathes heavily*

fake!jay: um, are you okay?

allen: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

allen: did you see that, jay-kun? did you see roland-senpai's true self? his horrible, selfish, beautiful self?

allen: i have to go and talk to him! i have so much i want to say!

allen: looks like i found myself an idol! i want to be like roland-senpai!

[tundrainafrica]

Thank you for translating and correcting the most dumbest mistranslations (in history) in the manga (you're a real blessing to this fandom, thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏻).

I bet there are even far more (maybe even worse) translation mistakes. I really hate the english version of snk (anime and manga), that's why I've decided not to waste my money on this shit show! What a farce!

Why are we LHs constantly being robbed of canon material, which was written and drawn by Isayama himself? I feel like no one is on our side. Not Kodansha, definitely not Wit and I'm afraid Mappa won't do us justice either and they will just continue cutting off scenes, mistranslating and misinterpreting every important LH scene. And all of that just for the sake of getting money out of the fujoshis (just look at that sickening guidebook), it's freaking disgusting.

I really thought I'll be buying everything from the snk merch including the manga, the anime, those guidebooks, spin-offs and everything else. But hell NO!

I really feel robbed and let down and I've completely lost hope we'll ever get ANY sort of recognition.

Tbh, the only one I was angry about was the 'Omaera' and 'you' issue because I honestly think most translators in the right headspace wouldn't have made that mistake and literally they're being paid to do that.

And the English translation was the only one that messed it up. correct me if I'm wrong but is it just me or is English the only language without a plural you? I was double checking all the translations, the chinese, the spanish, the japanese and they all used a plural you, the English was the only one that messed up and they had an alternative, they could have fixed the translations with 'you all' but yeah, because of that issue, there were arguments over who Levi was referring to.

Translation is a complex thing though and my translations aren't perfect. I change a lot of sentences and word usage to get an emotion or a context across. I don't translate literally usually and I go through the dojins really fast when I read them so I know I may have overlooked stuff.

And I don't think anyone's translations are perfect. I have been obsessed with books and I've read multiple translations. I even watched Trese in Tagalog, English and Japanese just to see what people were changing and what words they were using to keep context. A lot of stuff get lost in translation because sometimes the right words just don't exist in the language or the literal translations are extremely awkward. In English, there are no different you's depedning on how intimate we are with a person. We don't have strict rules of speech that would vary depending on who we're talking to.

So it's inevitable that translations will be a shit show at times, I hope they don't affect anyone's interests in the show though. Translators work really hard to churn out subs on time.

I've worked with subs before, they're a pain in the ass lmao.

[sor-vette]

four, circus!! (index/description)

☜ three, an all-out fight club!!

☞ five, dots!!

t/w: dead bodies, mention of overdose

"This has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen," Yoongi thinks to himself as he blankly stares at Jimin, transferring the PPT file to the projector.

123 slides in "Reasonable arguments as to why we should date, _̵͚̾͌_̶̢̛̘̅͛̕_̶̡̧̝͗̒̋̌̚_̴̮̒̍̿̃͠ .

"Wrong PowerPoint bro," Jungkook grunts with closed eyes. No doubt the idiot had tried to stalk you throughout the night. It's been three days since Erik had officially enrolled.

Namjoon also has his eyes fixed on the projector, his expression giving nothing away.

"Resigned to death, poor bastard, as you should."

Jimin momentarily looks behind him to see why Jin had started to snort in laughter before scrambling to choose another file.

56 slides in "What do we know about Erik and what to do about it?"

"The title could be less verbose," Jin remarks, spinning his chair around the room.

"You're one to talk, literally," Jimin sneers but, there is very little malice in his voice if any. Besides Namjoon, V and Hope, who actually stuck to his word of minding his business, Yoongi didn't know anyone personally in the room. Though he sure has heard of the connections they had with you. Each weirder than the other.

Namjoon, the CEO, the one who went overboard in commitment and scared you off. Rumour was he offered marriage before the first "I like you." But that as well could be bullshit.

Hope, with the most cordial contact out of all. And also the most distant. You two had fundamentally different perceptions of how the world worked. Incompatible match, as the saying goes.

Jin. Despite the grandeur of his character, Yoongi knew very little of him. Even less as to why you left. He presumed the lack of commitment on both sides.

Jimin, the almost. For five months Yoongi had to hear nothing but coy whispers of just what good friends you two were. What good time you both had jumping back and forth from Paris and home. And then with zero explanation, you weren't. Every once in a while, he'd see the two of you in the hallway. Working hard to suffer through an exchange of pleasantries between long awkward pauses. The whispers had been effectively stomped to death, with no one the wiser as to what the hell had happened.

V, the one you hated and the one who hated you. How the two of you even met was beyond anyone's understanding. How you didn't rip each other's throat out even more so. Why he was here? God only knew.

And the last one, JK. Your trainee before Erik. The one who'd shamelessly bounced, leaving you in the dust when the enrollment came with a nary of thank you. After that, you officially joined the cleaner department and largely went missing from the public eye.

And, of course, Yoongi himself. The only official boyfriend. The one who officially broke both of your hearts.

"If all of you could please focus!" Jimin snapped, standing with a wad of paper in hand, waving it like a teacher in front of particularly annoying group of students.

"He even made notes," Namjoon whispered faintly.

"More like a manifesto," Yoongi snickered, letting his eyes wander over the sheer thickness of the file.

"Silence!" For a split second, Yoongi wanted to make a jab about a chihuahua being able to bark, but having considered his own height, he chose to be silent.

"So, let's start with basics. Erik Genyer. Joined two and a half years ago through a recruitment agent. He's 24, lived in Seattle before moving here. No known parents or siblings." Jimin recounted with ease.

"I hope you didn't look through his records," Namjoon frowned at the screen. "Because I did not authorize that."

"Does it count as looking if it's a brief glance?"

"Yes."

"And yet here you are benefitting from it." Namjoon could only breathe through his nose a tad harder.

"Why are you telling us this?" Jin interjected. "Mr CEO here could just give us his file - we'd read for ourselves."

"I will not. That's against company policy."

"And what you're doing here is completely legal and non - invasive." Jin raised his eyebrows, not phased even in the slightest that he was much below Namjoon's position.

"Silence!" Jimin yelped again at the front. "Has anyone here worked with Erik?"

"Hope definitely has," V piped up from his seat, looking as uninterested as one could. Yoongi narrowed his eyes at him. V took the piercing glare in stride, haughtily turning away.

"Well, yes but..." Jimin shuffled on the stage almost awkwardly. "He has strictly declined the invitation to our little... boy band."

"Wait does that mean he could tell _̸̢͉̦͔̣͈̱̅́́̓͊̇̂̓́̕͝ͅ_̸̨̙͚̻̬͖͉̻͔̑̓͐͜ - I mean R.D.?" Jungkook suddenly asks, eyes wide. Even Yoongi blanched at the thought. Everyone straightened in their seats. This was all fun and games until the moment you knew. Oh, you'd rip each and every one of them a new asshole. All of them could kiss goodbye to any attempt of trying to mend bridges. By that point, there wouldn't even be a river stretching underneath.

"I sincerely hope not." Jimin whispers and they sit in a moment of silence, weighing the risks.

"Heh, hope not." Jin suddenly gives a breathy laugh solely to be met by a general aura of disapproval.

"It's not funny." Namjoon scolds slightly but, Jin being Jin, openly looks him into eyes and goes -

"I know."

Amidst the banter, JK raises his hand shyly.

"I trained with him for a short while."

"And what is he like?" Jimin's eyes almost sparkled at anyone giving an actual insight.

"He must be wearing contacts or something," Yoongi mused, pushing the cap of his water bottle around the table. He knew Jimin to be attractive. No one in the entire company would shut up about it, nevertheless, something about him seemed almost supernatural.

JK shrugged in response.

"A bit rude and careless but talented. He finished training early."

"Did it seem like he was particularly going after her?" Namjoon interrogated further. There was a deep scowl of resentment on his face.

"Uhh, no. I think he was interested in the cleaner department in general. Apparently, he spent most of his orientation there."

"He also spent a month in surveillance. Did you speak with him...V?" If V was surprised by Jimin addressing him personally, he didn't show it as he continued to inspect his nails.

"Didn't even know he was there."

"Why did he stay so long in the cleaner department?" Yoongi asked as he ran over the information on the screen. Besides the already mentioned month in surveillance and a week in networking and relations, this Erik hadn't even tried to apply anywhere else.

"Poor communication skills. I had to throw him out. That's why he was only there a week." Jin explained.

"So you spoke to him?"

"Well, no, Irina," he was interrupted by a hollow thud. Without prompt V had dropped his steel thermos onto the desk, tea splattering everywhere and staining JK's jacket in the process. Both of them fumbled to clean it up with anything they could. V dabbed the desk harshly, the wood creeking at every aggressive wipe. Yoongi saw Jin looking sideways, the same confused expression echoed on his face.

"Well, as I was saying, Irina, R.D.'s friend, I'm sure you're familiar, came to me, said he was causing trouble and asked to refer him."

"And you sent him to R.D.?"

Jin gave a deeply suffering sigh.

"No, I did not send him. I referred him to general management and they gave him to the cleaners ."

"Ok, I get all of this. But what are we supposed to do about him?" Namjoon interrupted, jaw set in a tight grip.

Jimin fell silent at the front of the room.

"Yeah, this was the main question." Yoongi thought bitterly.

It was all a question of ethics, wasn't it? JK could pretend all he wanted to be above it all, to be respectful but then he trailed secret circles around you. Whether from guilt or perhaps a sense of entitlement. Yoongi didn't know or really care. Nevertheless the kid clearly had a hard time differentiating between what he said and what he did. Yoongi was however surprised to see Namjoon be so eager. He quite fancied making himself bald from worrying about the nature of evil. Just how easy it was to hide it behind big aspirations of providing aid. But it seemed as of late all of that was tossed aside.

Jimin was the one who orchestrated this in the first place, and so naturally, everyone looked at him for guidance. He was still shuffling around, nervously fiddling the blue pen.

"Well, first of all, I think we should talk more to R.D." A huff passed around the room.

"Talk to her?" V asked sceptically, mouth set in a straight line and heavy wrinkles carved between brows.

"Do you have any idea how difficult that would be?"

"Certainly it would be for you," Yoongi snarled, earning a harsh glare.

"Listen, at the end of the day, it's not really about us trying to force her into something. It's just to make sure... she's living a safe life. Well, the safest that's possible." Jimin said with enough sincerity to trigger certain insecurities within Yoongi and by the look of it also Namjoon.

It was no secret that between the seven, they were the most possessive over you. Both having the wrong idea that you were theirs. Which is why you left and why you probably were so caught up in Jimin. The purity and sheer selflessness of his sentiments acted like a punch to the gut. The genuine care that he reflected like a sun made the raw wound in Yoongi's chest seep even more. To be loved like that would be a dream come true. Yoongi shifted his attention to the laminated floor.

"We talk to her, find out what her life is like, keep a close eye on what Erik does. Talk to other cleaners about him, and once we find out, she's happy. That's. The. End. Of. That." There was no uncertainty. Jimin was dead serious.

The meeting was adjourned, quite amicably actually, but Yoongi knew that the rest of them had ulterior motives and plans. He had them too.

Jin and JK were no threat. Both were too uncertain of what to do with you.

Jimin had some deep-seated self esteem issues. Despite his 123 slide presentation, the way he spoke made it clear. That's probably why the abrupt parting, Yoongi mused. Both of you most likely shared the same anxiety about not being good enough for the other.

V was just V.

Namjoon was the only one Yoongi was truly worried about. Even from looking at his back, walking headstrong up the stairs, Yoongi could see how stubborn Namjoon was. In a way, it was like looking in a mirror. The possessiveness, the mulish mindset. They'd saw you, all of you and had decided that this was it. Yes, Namjoon would certainly be the toughest rival. However, Yoongi was very good at playing the long game. Especially if he wanted something so bad it felt like his thorax slowly being ripped out.

All that was left was Hope. But he wasn't even a viable player. After all, he hadn't even shown up.

***

"Why the fuck is he so heavy?" Erik grunted, swaying left and right and holding onto his dear life to the bagged pair of legs.

"Rigor mortis...set in," you huffed in answer, from the upfront of the body. "At least he wasn't rotting already. That's just nasty. 1, 2, 3."

Both of you lift the body into the van and let the poor bastard drop with a soft thud. Sweat pooled underneath your white hazmat suit with plastic glasses digging straight into your brain. You banged hard against the "EMT" van, and it drove away, carrying Dr. Martin Leyster to the morgue.

Should the neighbours see anything, it was a sad story of a depressed psychiatrist accidentally overdosing on his own meds. The evidence of him manipulating his most vulnerable patients into bankruptcy erased in you any stray feelings of sympathy though.

"You have the peroxide?" You rifled through the cleanup bag, but instead of answering, Erik began to actively point somewhere behind your back. A cold chill ran up your spine as you realize someone has been watching you stuff the body in the trunk. It quickly dissipates when you see a familiar smile.

"Hard at work, I see," Hope whistled, bounding towards you more like a kid on a school trip, rather than what the reality was.

"May I borrow your mentor for a bit?" He asked politely, still smiling up at Erik. There was no warmth in his expression.

"You are after all now an official member of the cleaner crew. Surely you can handle this on your own."

Erik looks at you for a moment before giving a loud sigh and trudging back to Leyster's office, the white toolbox angrily swishing back and forth in his hand.

Without hesitation, you remove the glasses from your head, revelling in the ease of pressure. Hope had stopped smiling altogether, looking quite pensive.

"What brings you here?" You ask lightly. To see him here is not worrying per se, but certainly interesting. He gives a quick shrug.

"Nothing much. Wanted to see how you were doing after that runt's little stunt." You only laugh at the shallow animosity. Erik's talent to drive people out of their patience was truly remarkable.

"I'm doing fine. You know... working. What about you?"

"I've been working as well."

You both fall silent.

"You ever thought about leaving the BH?" He suddenly asked, and you quirk a brow at the question.

"Not particularly. Have you?" Hope focuses a blank gaze at the grey walls of the multi-story apartment complex.

"A little bit. Last few days especially." You stand in muted shock. Hope was the last person you thought would quit. He was, without doubt, the most devoted, the most passionate out of all the hundreds of employees. He lived for the cause, he himself said so. And yet now he stood uncertain in front of you. Not really the bright and friendly Hope everyone knew, not really the strict and somewhat terrifying training teacher. He was just...quiet. It was an upsetting scene.

"Do you want to go for a drink or a lunch, maybe?" You offer, reaching for the zipper of the white suit. Yes, Erik could handle this on his own. He was a big boy. Hope hastily placed his hand atop of yours, pausing the movement. Even through the fabric, it radiated warmth. No wonder people called him sun. He frowned at the conjoined hands, lightly stroking his thumb over your knuckles before lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"No, no. I don't want to burden you with my problems." You didn't believe his smile for a second.

"Well, I won't steal you away for much longer, the pup might get anxious." He turned around, by the looks of ready to sprint off.

"Hey, wait!" He paused, not looking back.

"Do you why JK has been stalking me?"

"He has?"

He had. The first time you noticed a shifting figure in the background, you wrote it off to the combination of hangover and exhaustion. The second time he'd run off into the night faster than you could catch up. The third time you nearly flung yourself off the roof when seeing a pair of doe eyes staring back at you from an empty apartment building.

"There isn't like an alliance going around between some of my... acquaintances?" Truth be told, you found the very idea ridiculous, but it had wormed its ugly way into your brain and was now near impossible to get out. JK, Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon wouldn't even get along with each other. Even though those four were most likely to meddle in your business. However, if looking realistically, it was probably just your paranoia taking an intensive round. Seeing suspicious cars, watchful eyes and snooping noses where there were none. Hope threw you a sardonic smile.

"That would just be stupid."

(a/n)

In this story people have their names and codenames and will be often used interchangeably. It all depends whether in the story the POV character knows the names of others or not.

[buckybeardreams]

The snowman they tried to steal and the angel that was not impressed

Can also be read here

It must have been the booze that made them think it was a good idea, because when they stumbled down the street and Bucky pointed to a blow up snowman on someone's lawn and said they should take it home, Steve thought it was a great idea. What they didn't expect was for the most gorgeous man to step out onto his porch, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Oh fuck, Stevie, look at that guy," Bucky whispered not so quietly.

"Woah, I think he's an angel, Buck."

Tony just scoffed and walked down his front steps.

"You know, I really don't give a shit about this snowman, but my kid adores the damn thing and he's gonna cry if you steal it, so I'm gonna have to insist that you put the snowman down."

Bucky huffed.

"Yeah, well, he didn't want to come with us anyway," Bucky said, as though the snowman was resisting capture and he found it highly offensive.

"Yeah, that's cos there's an electrical cord attached to it, genius."

Tony pointed down at the cord that was preventing Bucky from walking away with the inflatable prop.

"Huh, who would have thought?" Bucky blinked at the cord like it was a mild inconvenience that he wasn't sure how to overcome.

Steve's jaw dropped and he laughed.

"Woah, man, that's crazy! You see that, Buck? There's a cord!"

Yeah, these guys were wasted.

"Okay, come on, put the snowman down and go home before you pass out in the street."

Tony took the snowman and repositioned it on the lawn.

"Dude, you're like a genius," Steve said in awe.

"Yeah, so smart, man, and so pretty. Not even fair," Bucky agreed.

Tony rubbed his temples and shook his head.

"If I go back inside are you gonna try and take off with my snowman again?"

They both shook their heads and Bucky raised his hands in defense.

"Woah, no, man, we would never take your snowman," Bucky said, like he hadn't literally just been trying to take the snowman.

"Yeah, you worked hard for that snowman. You earned that snowman," Steve agreed.

"It's seriously like a twenty dollar inflatable, it's not even-- what the fuck am I doing? Why am I trying to reason with you two?"

"You're like so smart, man. Smartest angel I've ever met," Steve said and Bucky nodded in agreement, slinging an arm over Steve's shoulders.

"Is it a sin to want to fuck an angel, Stevie?" Bucky whisper-yelled in his best friend's ear.

Steve looked stumped by the question and Tony started to back away, because the last thing he needed was two much larger men, drunk off their ass, trying to hit on him.

"Oh fuck, that's, like, so deep, Buck."

They didn't seem to notice Tony retreating until he got to his door and paused, turning back around to face them.

"I'm serious about the snowman, don't take it."

They both acted like they would never ever take his snowman, reassuring him that nah, man, that's your snowman. Tony just shook his head in exasperation and headed back inside, shutting and locking the door behind him.

Tony opened the door a few days later and raised his brow at the two men that had tried to steal his inflatable snowman.

"Can I help you?"

Steve was holding a platter of cookies in his hands and held them out to Tony.

"These are snowmen cookies, to apologize for, you know, um, trying to steal your snowman." Steve stumbled over the words and blushed bright red.

Tony just sighed and took the cookies.

"Honestly, I'm surprised you guys even remember that with how fucked up you were."

Steve scratched the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly, and Bucky just shrugged.

"It was a Friday night," Bucky offered up as an excuse.

"Right… okay, I'm just gonna shut the door now."

"Wait! We were hoping to get your name. We haven't stopped thinking about you and I gotta say you're just as pretty now as you were when we were drunk enough to see double."

Tony narrowed his eyes at the dumbest shit he'd ever heard come out of someone's mouth, and he had just seen these guys spewing absolute bullshit three days earlier. He opened his mouth to say something snarky, then decided it wasn't even worth his time. These guys were like twenty something college kids that got drunk and did stupid shit that they laughed about later. Tony was a dad in his mid-thirties who wanted nothing to do with these two unfairly gorgeous men.

"Yeah, no."

Tony shut the door and Bucky cursed.

"Why the fuck did I say that? I swear this guy brings out the stupid in us."

Steve was shaking his head and giving Bucky an unimpressed look.

"What the fuck was that, Buck?"

Bucky pouted when Steve smacked him upside the head.

"Hey! At least I managed to get through a sentence without stuttering!"

"And yet we both sounded like complete morons. This guy really does bring out the stupid in us."

Bucky nudged Steve's shoulder with his own and nodded towards a kid that looked like he was on the verge of tears. He couldn't have been older than five and he was looking around like he was lost.

"I think that kid's lost, Stevie."

Steve frowned and his frown only deepened when he spotted the kid in the crowd of people pushing past. He passed the bag he was holding off to Bucky and made his way through the sea of people until he reached the little boy, crouching down to his level.

"Hey, are you okay, bud? Where's your mommy?"

The boy's lip just trembled and he started to cry.

"Hey, hey, don't cry, it's okay," Steve soothed. "C'mere, little man."

Steve grabbed the boy's hand and led him out of the direct path of people who didn't even blink an eye at the kid, sitting him down on a bench and crouching down again. Bucky followed after them, standing off to the side so he wouldn't overwhelm the kid anymore than he already was.

"My name's Steve. What's yours?"

"P--Peter," The boy said, rubbing at his watery eyes. "I just want my daddy."

"Aw, it's okay. We're gonna help you find your daddy. Do you remember what he was doing when you last saw him?"

"He was just shopping. I saw the pretzels and I wanted to get one, but then when I went to find my daddy again, I couldn't find him."

"Okay, that's okay. Do you still want a pretzel? My friend could go get you one and we could look around for your daddy."

"I already got one." Peter pulled a wallet out of his backpack and opened it up, revealing multiple cards. He pulled out a receipt, neatly folded up and tucked into a fold. "See? I got a receipt. Daddy says it's important to always get a receipt, for tax exemptions."

Steve blinked, not quite sure what to say about that.

"Okay… um, let's just tuck that away, yeah?"

Steve slipped the receipt back in Peter's wallet and tucked it back into his bag.

"Do you remember what your daddy was shopping for?"

Peter shrugged.

"Just boring stuff."

"Yeah? Boring stuff like clothes?"

Peter shook his head.

"Nah, it was like shampoo and bath stuff."

"Yeah? Okay, well, I think I know where we can start looking."

Before Steve could suggest they head over to Bed Bath and Beyond, a phone started to ring. Peter unzipped the front pocket of his backpack and answered the call.

"Daddy?"

"Peter? Baby, where are you?"

The voice over the line didn't sound panicked, which confused Steve.

"I don't know, Daddy. I went to get a pretzel and then I couldn't find you."

There was a sigh and Peter pouted.

"Okay, just stay where you are. Daddy will come get you."

"Okay, Daddy."

Then Peter hung up and tucked his phone away.

"My daddy's gonna come find me," Peter told Steve.

Steve shared a perplexed look with Bucky, but within minutes Tony showed up and he looked just as surprised to see Steve and Bucky as they were to see him.

"Daddy!" Peter cheered, running into his arms.

Tony tucked away his phone that he was using to track Peter's and scooped his little boy up.

"Hey, baby, you okay?"

Peter nodded and pointed at Steve.

"Was just with the nice man."

"Oh yeah?"

Tony raised a brow, clearly amused which just made Steve more confused. His obvious lack of concern over losing his kid was more than a little unnerving.

"Yeah, his name is Steve."

Tony chuckled.

"Okay, well, Steve, thanks for sitting with him."

Steve frowned.

"You don't seem very worried."

Tony smirked.

"I'm not, Peter's auntie and uncle are mercenaries and have been teaching him to fight since before he could even really walk. Trust me when I say my kid's more of a threat to others than they are to him."

Steve wasn't sure what to say to that, but Bucky stepped forward.

"Peter was really upset. Fighter or not, he's just a kid. He shouldn't have to defend himself."

Tony's eyes narrowed and then he sighed.

"You've got a point. You two looking for a job?"

"Excuse me?" Bucky asked.

"Because if you want to be his personal bodyguards, I won't object. Hell, I'll pay you good money just to babysit."

That's how it started and next thing Steve and Bucky knew they were being vetted and offered an insane amount of money to follow Peter around all day.

"Come on, kid. Your daddy's expecting us back in an hour so hurry up."

Peter had his face scrunched up in concentration as he studied two different ties, trying to figure out which one his daddy would like best. In the end Peter bought them both and charged them to his card that he was far too young to have. Peter slipped his hand into Bucky's obediently and let him pull him out of the store and into the car waiting for them. The kid had his own personal driver which was insane to Bucky, but then again, as he had learned, Tony was the son of Howard Stark and had inherited billions of dollars when his father passed away.

Despite that they lived in a small two bedroom house that was warm and cozy inside and Peter didn't have an abundance of things like one might expect. The kid spent money like crazy, but it was mostly on other people and the occasional treat. In a lot of ways their little family was remarkably normal. In other ways they weren't, like how Tony had asked if they could come with them to Switzerland for two weeks and offered to pay their way so casually that you would think he was offering to buy them a pizza.

Apparently, that's where Peter's mom lived and they would be visiting her over the holidays. Steve and Bucky, who had never had enough money to even fly on an airplane and hadn't left the state since the road trip they took to Indiana to see Bucky's sister two years ago, were quick to jump on the offer. The thought of spending Christmas in some fancy hotel in Switzerland was definitely appealing and made even more so by the fact that Tony would be there.

While Tony initially wanted nothing to do with the two men who drunkenly tried to steal his inflatable snowman, after seeing them sitting with Peter and worrying about him Tony thought that maybe they deserved a second chance. So far they had proven to be excellent babysitters and while technically their title was bodyguard, they really were more like glorified nannies. Not that either of them had made any complaints about it.

It was late at night on Christmas Eve, Peter safely tucked into bed dreaming about the presents he would surely receive in the morning, that Tony found himself sipping on spiked cider and thinking not-so-appropriate thoughts about his employees. Steve and Bucky were bickering over which movie to watch, but honestly, Tony couldn't care less about that.

He knew they were both interested in him, they flirted with him all of the time and weren't exactly subtle about it. Tony kept telling himself that it was a bad idea and he needed to just focus on Peter and work and forget about taking them to bed even though they were unfairly gorgeous. His talks with himself clearly weren't sticking, because he found himself getting up and nudging at them.

"Move."

Bucky raised a brow at him.

"You need something, sugar?"

"Yes, I need you to scooch over."

Steve glanced over at Bucky and then they both moved just enough for Tony to squeeze in between them.

"Okay, what are we watching?" Tony asked nonchalantly, like he hadn't just wedged himself in between them while wearing nothing but an oversized band tee from his college days and a pair of skin tight boxer briefs.

Steve cleared his throat, his cheeks tinted red as his eyes trailed down Tony's thighs.

"Um…"

"What do you wanna watch, Tony?" Bucky asked, saving Steve from whatever awkward thing he was undoubtedly about to say.

Tony just shrugged.

"Something stupid and Christmas-y."

"Die Hard it is then.'

Tony made a face.

"No, something like--" Tony snagged the remote and scrolled through Netflix until he found The Princess Switch. "This."

Bucky groaned and Steve frowned, but it was hard for them to be too upset about it when Tony laughed over all of the stupid, cheesy lines and snuggled up close. By the end of the movie Tony's legs were hooked over Steve's thighs and he was leaned up against Bucky's shoulder.

"Cuddle me," Tony demanded as the credits rolled.

Bucky complied, shifting to wrap his arms around Tony's smaller frame and nose at his hair.

"You smell Christmas-y," Bucky murmured.

Tony hummed.

"It's pumpkin spice. My favorite brand only sells it during the holiday season."

"It smells good, makes me want to eat you all up."

Tony giggled and lifted a foot, wiggling his toes.

"Rub my feet."

The order was unnecessary because the moment Tony lifted his foot in invitation Steve was reaching for it. Tony melted under all the attention, moaning as Steve massaged his feet and whimpering when Bucky's hands slipped under his shirt.

"You want us to take you to bed, sweetheart?" Steve asked.

Tony nodded.

"Fuck yeah, but quick question? Are you two dating?"

They both chuckled and Tony just raised his brow.

"Nah, baby, we're not. Stevie and I are just best friends. We're more than happy to share you though."

"Good, because I want a threesome for Christmas."

"Gladly."