#id sell all my things to get him back

[cherrychilli]

18+

Eddie Munson x AFAB reader, established relationship, mentions of bodily injury and blood(not reader's), allusions to oral sex (f)

Let's just say that Eddie eats you out a little too well and suffers the consequences.

The bleeding's finally starting to stem you're relieved to notice, pulling back his bloodied bandana to peek at his swollen nose, all flushed red like crushed berries. Streaks of dry blood trail down to his chin in thin ribbons and you look at him sympathetically.

"I'm dellin' you bade, id loobs worse than id is", Eddie tries to assure you once more though you're not convinced because you can make out the beginnings of a black eye on his face too, a purple half moon starting to take shape below his left eye.

You'd apologized profusely when it happened, nearly brought to tears over how guilty you felt about the whole thing but all he did was grin proudly like he couldn't be happier about it, teeth stained pink with fresh blood.

"Bade"

"Yeah?"

"You're nod wearin' a bra"

You look down and realize he's right, your nipples hard and showing through your shirt because hospitals are such cold, sterile places. Now that you're looking at yourself you notice that your shirt's inside out too but of course he doesn't notice that detail because he's too busy staring at your tits.

"Oh. Yeah well, I kinda forgot in the rush to get here", you tell him, uncaring if anyone else notices because your priority right now is your boyfriend's wellbeing.

"No id's good. Helbs take my mind off the paib", he grinned again, raising his eyebrows at you suggestively.

Even with a broken nose and all that blood on his face and clothes he still manages to look handsome, still charming in that loveable dork kind of way that made you fall for him all those years ago, stirring something warm in your belly.

"Just let me do the talking, okay?", you stroke his cheek gently, placing a quick kiss there which makes his face turn pink in a way that's unrelated to his injury. You looked over the forms one of the nurses had handed you when you first came in, filling the blank spaces with Eddie's personal information.

Fell down the stairs. That's pretty believable, right? You continued to jot his details down, hoping the doctors and nurses will buy what you're selling because the last thing you wanted to divulge was that your boyfriend made you cum so hard while going down on you that you kicked him in the face on accident.

"Baaade"

"Eddie, don't talk you might start bleeding again"

"Jud one more ding", he nudges his shoulder against yours.

You look away from the paperwork then, catching a lilt to his tone that sounded serious. "What is it?", a tendril of worry winds up your spine. Had you concussed him? Oh shit, if he's got a concussion too then-

"Did you forbet your panties too?"

The tendril withers away unceremoniously.

"Eddie", you deadpanned. "This is not the damn time."

"Pleab jud answer the quedtion", he gives you the eyes, those wide, bottomless whiskey brown eyes and you crumble.

"Fine. I forgot, okay?", you duck your head and whisper in his ear. "You were bleeding so much- I just threw on whatever was closest."

He then eyes your skirt in that same way that got him in this situation in the first place, tongue swiping over his blood tinged bottom lip.

"Great becob I wad thinkin'. Round two in the van afder they patch me up?"

[scorpiussage]

The Robin to My Batman (Neil Lewis/Fem!OC)

Pairing: Neil Lewis/Fem!OC 

Summary: A comic book store opens up next to Gumshoe Video prompting a hot and heavy feud between the two businesses and their nerdy owners. 

Theme: Romance - Enemies to Lovers 

Warnings: Nerds being nerds, smut 

The early morning walks to open Gumshoe Video are always enjoyable for Neil. He loves getting coffee from that family owned Armenian coffee shop down the street, greeting the old man who owns the hardware store across the street, and contemplating what the day’s theme should be. 

However, his gorgeous, peaceful morning comes to a screeching halt as he spots a large moving truck parked in front of Gumshoe— no, parked in front of the vacant store to the left of his. He quickly darts into the alleyway across the street and watches with mounting horror as some—so far unrecognizable—new business moves in. 

“No no no no no,” Neil mutters to himself, already picturing the worst case scenario. What if it’s a competing video store? Or perhaps on of those Christian shops that sells over priced bible themed tchotchkes? Both are miserable possibilities and he has no idea what he’ll do if either of those ends up being the case. 

When the coast is clear of movers, Neil goes sprinting into his store and making a made dash for the phone to call his friends. 

He has a bad feeling about this. 

…

The first time he sees her is at the grand opening of Golden Age Comics, the new comic book store next door. The first thing he sees when he walks in isn’t the life sized cutouts of various comic book characters placed strategically about nor the wall display of rare figurines. 

No, the first thing he sees is her, Bailey Taylor, the owner of the shop. She’s dressed like Wonder Woman, displaying these long shapely legs that have Neil’s jaw going slack in awe. She flutters about the store, greeting customers and advertising the big grand opening sale she’s running. 

Johnathan and Lucien, who came into the store with him, start needling each other excitedly, muttering about how hot she is and Neil can only feel dread. This can only spell bad news, he just knows it. 

Not at all like a coward, he quickly flees the store before she can approach him. 

…

The first time he actually meets Bailey, she comes into his shop. Today Gumshoe is having a deal on westerns and so Neil is dressed accordingly as a cowboy. When she walks into his store, it creates a rather comical juxtaposition as it appears her own store is having a sale on Japanese manga. 

Sailor Moon Bailey and Cowboy Neil stare each other down. 

“Um, hi,” she greets with an awkward little wave, her smile bright despite the uncomfortable mood, “I own the comic book store next door. My name is Bailey.” 

Neil nods stiffly, doing everything in his power to not stare at how hot she looks in that cosplay. When Neil fails to respond, an irritatingly adorable frown mars her features 

“Okay,” she mutters to herself before saying, “Well, I just wanted to see if you’d be willing to do a team-up and have a collaborative sale.” 

Neil scoffs, “And what? Hock old Adam West Batman tapes?”

She perks up and nods enthusiastically, “Yes! Exactly! I actually have this really great id-.”

Neil shudders at the thought and cuts her off before she can get going, “The old Batman show is absolute garbage in its cinematic delivery— no way would I subject my customers to that.” 

The glare she gives him could cut steel and admittedly makes his happy bits stir in interest. 

“Garbage?” She snarls, “That show was a pioneer for superhero media! Just because some over hyped alcoholic wife beater didn’t direct it, doesn’t mean it’s not good!” 

Neil’s eyes narrow at her and he crosses his arms, trying to appear more authoritative than he usually looks, “Oh believe me, the director has nothing to do with the bad editing and poor visual shots!” 

The woman looks like she’s visibly holding herself back from launching herself over the counter and decking Neil in the face. His cock makes another inappropriate twitch at the thought and he internally scolds himself for these reactions. 

Without another word, Bailey storms out of the store and stomps her way back to her own shop and Neil breathes a sigh of relief. 

God, he really needs to get laid if some uneducated comic dork is getting him riled up. 

…

After that disastrous first encounter, a Cold War of sorts settles over the two businesses. If Neil is having a sale, Bailey will have a better one. If Neil does a midnight showing of a movie, Bailey hosts a free-to-join D&D party. If Neil dressed up, Bailey does too but does it better. 

It’s aggravating. 

Neil doesn’t even know what it is about her that has him going absolutely insane, but it’s beginning to be a problem. For instance, last week she dressed up like Cat Woman and strutted about both in and out of her store, placing herself in full view of Neil boredly manning the register of his own shop. He had to go and jerk off in his office like five times; and he was still horny afterwards!

Like he said— problem. 

And it’s only getting worse. 

“Dude, oh my god! She’s dressed like a school girl today!” Johnathan says while rushing into the shop, a lecherous grin on his face, “Her skirt is so short!” 

Lucien cheers and Neil rams his head onto the surface of the checkout counter repeatedly. 

He’s gonna die horny and infuriated by her subpar taste in cinema, it’s inevitable. 

Lucien just gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and leaves him to his melancholy while he and Johnathan go next door. 

“Ugh what do I do?!” He laments pathetically to himself. 

…

The second interaction that Neil has with Bailey happens on a slow night for both businesses. 

Neil is parked on the shop couch, watching Lady in the Lake and barely staying awake when she comes into his shop. She’s dressed normal today in a worn Captain Marvel t-shirt and denim shorts and he’s a little too tired to properly hide the slow up and down he gives her. 

A little blush settles on her face when she catches him doing that. 

“Slow night?” She asks after clearing her throat awkwardly. 

“Yeah, you?” 

Bailey blows a raspberry and nods, walking over to the couch and throwing herself down onto it next to Neil. He quickly scoots over, giving her room while trying to smooth his shirt and hair down to look less like a mess. 

“What are we watching?” She asks. 

Things sort of devolve from there. Whether it was one innocent comment taken the wrong way, or an intentional dig, it prompts a fresh new screaming match between the two of them over the cinematic quality of the Adam West Batman series. This woman will not let go of that trash TV series, Neil realizes.

Bailey gets up from the couch at some point, Neil hot on her heels as they move their heated argument about the store. It’s when they’re next to the wall that Neil pushes her against the surface and pins her arms high above her. He’s not thinking when he kisses her, pushing his tongue into her mouth to taste her— he’s running purely on adrenaline and instinct. 

That first kiss they share is not a gentle one; it’s rough and filthy and hot. 

“You are such a brat,” Neil bites out scathingly, his hands slipping away from her wrists to start running over her chest, cupping those perky tits of hers in his hands. 

“You are an obnoxious tool!” She sneers in return, her now free hands making quick work of his belt buckle and the button on his jeans. 

“I can’t believe how terrible your taste is in cinema! A rock would have better opinions!” Neil helps her push his pants down and then reaches forward to yank her shirt off. The bra she’s wearing is just a simple navy colored one but it has him physically biting back a moan at the sight. 

She smirks up at him, then pushes him away with a rough shove, sending him into one of the shelves. She gets into his space, wrapping her arms around his neck and initiating another one of those blood racing kisses. 

He reaches down and grabs her under her thighs, hoisting her up to wrap her legs around his waist. He starts walking them back towards his office, fully intent on throwing her down onto his couch in there and getting all this frustration out of his system. 

Sex has always been pretty gentle and by-the-book for Neil, he’s never had a desire to be rough or for a partner to be rough with him, but Bailey makes his head fuzzy. She makes him want to do things he’s never done before. 

“Fuck— Neil!” She gasps when he puts her down and immediately sticks his hand down the front of her shorts and starts rubbing along her slit. It’s so wet and he groans, his cock twitching in anticipation. 

“Can’t wait to shut you up,” he tells her, his long fingers alternating between rubbing vicious circles on her clit and slipping down to enter her with harsh thrusts, “Been thinking about this for weeks.” 

Her fingers scratch lightly across his stomach as she pushes his shirt up, “Well, you’re going to have to do lot better than this to make that happen.” 

His eyes narrow and he pulls his hand out of her shorts, ripping the button open and yanking them down her legs. He grips her around her hips and flips her onto her stomach, climbing onto her legs to keep her from kicking about. 

“I am so sick of that smart mouth,” he tells her before laying a loud slap to her right ass cheek, making her cry out in surprise that dissolves into a moan. He would spank her in earnest, but he’s been so fucking horny for so long that he only gives her a few smacks before slipping his fingers up under the edge of her panties, rubbing the buttery soft skin of her ass. 

Trailing his hands up, he unhooks her bra and climbs off of her so that she can turn over onto her back. She’s quick to shuck off her bra and panties, exposing herself entirely to his hungry gaze. 

“You said you thought about this for weeks,” she remarks while slipping her fingers down to her folds, “How many times did you jerk off to me?”

He groans and goes down to his knees, leaning forward and shouldering his way between her thighs. 

“So many fucking times,” he admits shamelessly before licking into her with enthusiasm.

Her fingers thread through his hair, tugging him forward and using the leverage to grind against his face. He could die here, smothered between those shapely thighs, and it would be in total bliss. Her moans are the sweetest thing he’s ever heard and he endeavors to hear them get louder. 

“Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” He asks, his fingers returning their journey of entering her and his eyes watching with hooded rapture as her cunt sucks them into her. 

“Neil,” she gasps his name, chanting it like a prayer and he picks up the pace with his fingers. He sucks on that hard little bud of hers and feels her cum around his fingers, that soaking cavern gripping him tightly. 

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, “please let me fuck you.” 

Her thighs are shaking as she comes down from her orgasm high, “Yes, fuck yes.” 

He doesn’t need any more encouragement— he’s barely got his underwear down before he’s pushing into her. She’s tighter and wetter than any other pussy he’s been in and he tells her as much, rasping filthy things into her ear as he begins a brutal and unrelenting rhythm. 

“Thought about bending you over the front counter and fucking you stupid so many times.” 

Her nails dig into his back, raking along the surface and certainly leaving their mark. 

The thought alone of her marking him could make him cum. He bites his lip harshly to try and wrestle back some control, unwilling to see it end so soon. 

It barely works as his hips stutter in their thrusting. 

“Can I cum in you?” He asks— no, practically begs her.

Her arms snake around his shoulders, tugging his head forward to rest against hers, their mouths finding each other hungrily. Between filthy, tongue filled kisses, she gasps, “Please!” 

Permission granted, he buries himself as deep as possible inside of her, the head of his cock nudging her cervix, and he cums. He groans loud and long as those warm, wet walls squeeze every last drop from his cock, sucking it better than any blow job could manage. 

He pulls out of her slowly and almost reluctantly, sad to part from that perfect cunt of hers. A flow of white cum follows his departure, dripping from her opening and over her ass in thick globs. 

He’s never seen something so sexy in his life and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he doesn’t get to see it again. 

Stepping back from Bailey, he grabs his shirt off the floor and uses it to wipe her clean, chuckling at the deadpan look she gives him for the effort. Tossing the shirt aside, he climbs onto the couch and lays himself out next to her, pulling her to rest against his chest. 

They lay like that for a long time, catching their breaths and basking in the after glow. 

“You don’t really hate the Adam West Batman series, do you?” Bailey asks, her eyes looking up at Neil imploringly. 

Neil about answers the way he normally would but when he looks down at her and sees the earnest expression she’s wearing, he doesn’t have it in him to be an asshole. 

“No, it’s not that bad,” he lies and feels his heart flutter when she shoots him a beaming smile in return. 

He thinks he can stand mediocre cinema for her sake. 

[teapartyprincess4two]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE SOMETHING FOR MATT BASED ON THE SONG HEARTBREAK GIRL BY 5SOS.

Idc how long it is (the longer the better)

pls pls pls I will sell my left foot to read it 🙏

Heartbreak Girl- M. Sturniolo

pairing: Taken!reader x BestFriend!Matt

classification: angst

warnings: pining, clueless reader, toxic relationship, jealousy, heartbreak, friendzone, slight cursing, use of y/n, unrequited love, mentions of cheating, panic attack, no happy ending (sorry, the song calls for it)

inspiration: request^^, Heartbreak Girl by 5SOS

summary: Matt’s in love with you, but you’re too in love with someone else to realize it.

Heartbreak Girl PT.1, PT.2

—

Matt’s phone rings loudly on his bedside table, waking him from his sleep. His eyes jolt open, the loud ringing scaring him. He knows who’s calling, but hopes it’s someone else this time so he can hang up without being eaten alive by the guilt. A sigh leaves his lips as he checks the caller ID, your name shining brightly on his phone screen. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes as he answers, “y/n?” Your sobs immediately fill the room as they emit from his phone speaker, he grimaces slightly at the loud noise and holds the phone away from his face.

It was always the same thing with you, you’d call him late at night complaining and crying about something your boyfriend, Mike, did. Matt would comfort you time and time again, advising you to just break up with that loser and sometimes you’d listen. You and Mike would break up, sometimes for as long as a week, but you’d always end up welcoming him back into you life at the slightest apology.

“What did he do this time?” Matt asks, another sigh leaving his mouth. He’s propped up on an elbow, his head hanging forward with his eyes shut as he tries fighting sleep. If you were anyone else he would’ve stopped picking up your calls a long time ago, but you’re his best friend and he feels a sense of responsibility for you. “First, he called me annoying and then we got in this big fight and then he left. He said he’s going back to his ex,” you hiccup, barely sounding coherent through your sobs.

Matt wants to scream into his pillow, was this not the same fight you had with Mike last week? “Well-” Matt begins, but is quickly interrupted by you. “He accused me of cheating too! Doesn’t he know I love him? I’d never cheat!” you exclaim through the phone, your words coming out a mile a minute.

Love. Matt cringed at the word, how could you possible love a guy who’s favorite pass time was making you cry.

Matt could tell you were entering a stare of hysteria, your breathing was erratic and you wouldn’t stop crying. “Alright, y/n. Try to calm down,” he whispers sternly, trying to bring you back to reality. With every late night phone call Matt gained more and more reasons to hate your stupid boyfriend. “Okay… I’m calm,” you reply, bringing your voice down and attempting to steady your breathing. He knows you’re faking it, but he appreciates that you’re at least trying.

“Okay, now telling me what happened,” he instructs, a part of him wanting to hear all the details of your argument so his hatred for your boyfriend would be more justified. You retold the events in excruciating detail, mentioning everything that was said and done. So much of it repulsed Matt, how could two people treat each other like that? He felt his heart breaking with each word, but the anger he felt was much stronger, “he really called you that?!”

Matt’s jaw was clenched, his teeth grinding against each other in the process. He heard your sniffles on the other side of the phone, a part of him wished he could just hold you. “Yeah, but he’s not that bad,” your voice was hushed, almost like you were afraid. You sounded scared to admit it, mostly because you knew Matt would get mad. You, of course, guess correctly because Matt replies angrily, “He’s not THAT bad?!?”

If he had any common sense he’d just hang the phone up now because there was obviously no getting through to you. But, a part of him is praying that one day you’ll realize what a loser Mike is and then maybe you’ll realize that he’s been here all along. “Well, I mean, it takes two to fight,” you reply in an attempt to defend your last statement. Matt rubs his temples, trying to massage his growing headache away.

“Y/n, stop being so naive,” he says harshly. At this point his anger has completely consumed him but he bites his tongue to stop the venom from spilling.

“Don’t be mean,” you mumble. There was no excuse for Mike’s behavior, not that you were much better, but you couldn’t let this become your forever. “I’m not being mean. I’m being real,” he replies, his voice softening a bit when he realizes how harsh his words sounded.

A brief silence settles in the conversation, but Matt can hear soft mumbling in the background. Matt assumes you’re talking but somehow the audio got muffled. “I can’t hear you,” he says, turning the volume up on his phone. The mumbling gets a little louder and then suddenly he hears it, it’s Mike. He must’ve come back once he cooled off, he’s sure to reel you back in with broken promises and empty apologies.

“Matt, I have to go. Mike is here,” you whisper into the phone, clearly scared to be caught venting your problems to your best friend. Mike, Mike, Mike. What was so special about Mike anyways? Sometimes, if Matt repeated the name enough it almost sounded like his own name. Matt, Matt, Matt. He wished it was.

He wants to beg you to stay on the phone, but he knows there’s no use. All he can do is advise you to choose better and hope that this time you’ll listen, “y/n, don’t do anything stupid.” There’s a lot of shuffling coming from your end, if Matt closes his eyes he can imagine every single movement. “Okay, bye friend. Love you,” you say quickly.

Friend. That is a word Matt will be reduced to for the rest of his life. He wants to be more than that with you, but a part of him knows that you two will be stuck going in circles again and again. You fight Mike, you break up, you cry to Matt, you make up with Mike, and Matt’s lost his chance with you yet another time.

Before he can reply he hears the phone click, you hung up. He knows that you’re probably already reconciling with Mike and even though it makes him mad, it mostly makes him feel helpless. Matt tosses his phone back onto his bedside table before dramatically falling back onto the bed. He knows that if you just opened your eyes you’d realize that he was here all along, that he’d never hurt you.

But, despite his better judgement, Matt will keep picking up your phone calls because he’s a sucker when it comes to you.

—

The sound of arcade games echo around the building as Matt and his brothers walk around the arcade in an attempt to find the perfect game. They only had a few tokens left, so they had to spend them wisely. You were there too, but you were so immersed in Mike’s presence that it was like you weren’t. Matt had invited you in hopes to finally get you alone, away from Mike. But, that stupid guy followed you like his life depended on it. You were so enthralled by Mike that you hadn’t even played a single game, even Nick and Chris found it annoying.

“What about ski ball?” Chris suggests, the three of them had lapped around the arcade a billion times and still couldn’t find the right game. “No,” Nick says, peering around the arcade for a better game. “Bumper cars?” Chris suggests again, running out of options to say. “We don’t even have enough tokens for that,” Matt scoffs, joining Nick as he looks around the room.

“Fine you pick,” Chris grumbles, leaning against the nearest game as he waits for his brothers to choose. As they’re surveying the room, Nick and Matt see you in the corner talking with your boyfriend. You two seemed to be caught up in an argument like usual, earning an eye roll from Nick. “I don’t know what she sees in that guy,” he comments, trying to read your lips to see what the argument is about. “I hate that guy,” Chris chimes in, joining his brothers in their watch party.

Matt hums in agreement, not wanting to say too much in regard to the situation. He can only assume that you did something Mike didn’t like and now you’re getting in trouble for it. The conversation seems to get heated enough for you to storm off, making your way towards the triplets. “Oh shhh- she’s coming, she’s coming,” Chris warns, trying to act casual.

Nick does the same, leaning against the machine closest to him. Matt’s eyes widen, all he can think to do is turn quickly on his heel to face his brothers. They immediately engage in a fake conversation in attempt to convince you that they weren’t watching. It seems to work.

“Ah yes, McDonalds does have the best chicken nuggets. Good point, Chris,” Nick says as he looks towards his brothers expectantly, but you’re so mad you don’t even notice the ridiculous conversation topic. “Guys you can have my tokens, I’m leaving,” you say, not even introducing yourself with a hello. You pull the tokens out of your pocket, dumping them all in Chris’s hands. He was so excited to have more tokens that he didn’t even care you were leaving.

“Is everything okay?” Matt asks, watching as you hurriedly try to get rid of all your tokens. “No, bro. Stupid Mike, dude. He got mad that I wanted to play so he brought up his ex again, can you believe that?” you scoff, still fishing for more tokens in your pockets. Why was every argument you had with Mike about his ex?

“Gross. Why are you leaving though? You haven’t played a single game,” Nick asks, taking a few tokens from Chris for himself. He and Chris also disliked your boyfriend because you two were always fighting about stupid stuff. But, they weren’t as involved in your love life as Matt was, so they didn’t know how often you two were actually fighting. “Cause he’s my ride and he said he’s leaving,” you grumble, finally looking up from your pockets to look at your friends.

“We can take you home,” Matt suggests, not wanting you to leave just yet. He says it so quickly and eagerly that his brothers give him a weird look, he catches it and coughs awkwardly. “I mean, if you want to stay,” he mumbles in an attempt not to seem so desperate.

You look between your friends and the arcade entrance, trying to decide whether you should stay or go. Matt bites his tongue, trying to prevent himself from saying something he’ll later regret. He wants to grab you by the shoulders and scream that you should just leave that stupid loser.

“I don’t know, it’s getting late,” you attempt to reason as you check your phone for the time. It was only 5pm, but your heart really wanted to follow Mike before he decided he was done with you for real. Upon checking the time, you see a message from Mike that made your stomach turn.

Mike: I left. have fun with your friends. we’re done.

Matt watches as your expression completely drops, you look like you just got the life sucked out of you. “Did he leave?” Matt asks softly, not trying to upset you more than you already were. You shove your phone into you pocket and put on a fake smile, ignoring his question. “It’s only 5, we got time,” you say excitedly, trying to pretend like you didn’t just receive the most heart breaking message ever.

Nick and Chris don’t know any better, so they immediately perk up at this and drag you back into the arcade. Matt, on the other hand, can read you like the back of his hand. He sees how your shoulders slump and how a frown replaces your smile when you think no one’s looking.

Throughout the whole night he wants to scream out, ‘you can be with me now!’ But he knows that you’re not ready, maybe you’ll never be ready. And that, to Matt, is so frustrating.

—

For the rest of the night the boys work towards distracting you from Mike. They use your tokens to win as many games as possible. Matt is focused primarily on convincing you you should leave Mike for good this time. He watches as you attempt to get the basketball into the net as he says, “I’m just saying, you’d be much happier without that guy.”

You fumble with the basketballs in front of you, missing each shot terribly, but welcoming the distraction from the conversation Matt was trying to have. He watches as you roll your eyes and continuing trying to play the game, “tell me one good thing he’s done.” This statement catches you off guard, you’re sure that Mike is a good guy, but for some reason you can’t think of a single good thing he’s done.

You scoff at Matt, throwing the last basketball at the net only for it to hit the rim and fall out. “He does a lot of good things,” you reply annoyed, watching as the machine disperses your tickets. All you earned from this game was 8 tickets considering you missed more than half the shots. “Okay, then name one,” he retorts, ready to challenge you whether you liked it or not. Your mind is racing trying to think of one good thing Mike has done that Matt would find valid, but you still can’t think of one.

Annoyed, you snatch the tickets from the machine, accidentally tearing the last one in half in the process. Matt watches you, noticing how the frustration seems to get the best of you. He knows you won’t be able to think of a single good thing Mike has done, especially not after he ditched you here to fend for yourself. “See, you can’t even think of one. He treats you so bad, y/n. You don’t deserve that, you deserve someone who’ll treat you right,” Matt says, the both of you walking in the direction where you last saw Nick and Chris.

“Oh yeah? Who would that someone be?” you retort, looking around the entire arcade in search of Nick and Chris. You desperately needed to find them so they could serve as a buffer between you and Matt right now. He was asking too many uncomfortable questions and honestly was starting to push your buttons, he doesn’t know Mike like you do. “I mean, I’ve always treated you right,” Matt’s reply is so bold that it even catches him by surprise, what the hell was he even saying right now? He knew he was setting himself up for heartbreak and the friendzone, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying it.

You look at him briefly, a little shocked that he’d even say that. I mean, you two have been best friends for so long that a relationship with Matt would be like dating a brother. The thought is weird, but you don’t want to offend him, “yeah, but you’re my best friend. Friends are supposed to be nice to each other.” Each time you say friend it feels like a stab to the heart. He seemed to be stuck in the friendzone again and again.

“Y/n! Matt!” Nick calls out from the ticket machine, both he and Chris feeding their tickets into it. You perk up at the sight of them and walk over immediately You feel a wave of relief wash over you when you see them, finally you’ll be able to escape this awkward situation Matt put you in. Matt can’t help but feel sad, but he tries not to show it.

“We’re gonna get a remote control car!” Chris says excitedly, referring to the prize they were going to cash in for using all their tickets. Without another word he takes all yours and Matt’s tickets so he can feed them into the machine. You chuckle at this, finding it amusing.

Matt offers a small smile.

—

After redeeming your prizes, the four of you decided it was time to head home. You picked out a giant plushie while the three of them combined their tickets for Chris’s remote control car.

Matt pulled up to you house reluctantly, wishing he could kidnap you and take you to their house once he saw Mike’s car parked outside. “Mike’s home?” Chris asks you casually as soon as Matt places the car in park. “Yeah, guess so,” you reply as you unbuckle yourself, trying not to sound too excited. Deep down you were bubbling with emotions, mostly happiness because if Mike is home that means he’s definitely not done with your relationship.

“Bye guys, I had so much fun!” you dismiss yourself eagerly, all you want to do is go inside and reconcile with your boyfriend. Nick and Chris bid you goodbye but Matt stays silent, he doesn’t want you to leave. You hug Nick in the back seat and pat Chris’s shoulder as you open the car door. You offer Matt a small, awkward smile before grabbing your plushie and hopping out of the car.

Matt feels so defeated, if he weren’t such a pushover when it came to you he’d tell you the truth. The truth is that Mike is leading you on, playing with your feelings, abusing of emotions, and flaunting you around like a trophy when he feels like it. The truth is that Matt is in love with you and has been since the first time he saw you, but he’s too scared to ruin your friendship to admit it.

Matt watches as you walk up to your front door, plushie tucked under your arm. There’s an eager pep in your step that makes Matt want to throw up. Chris is scrolling through his phone, forgetting about you as soon as got off the car. Nick is watching Matt, confused as to why he looks so sad. “Are we gonna move? I’m fucking hungry, dude,” Chris groans from the passenger seat, throwing his head back dramatically against the car seat.

You were inside already, but Matt stayed outside your house and watched as the lights in your house turned on one by one. He knew you were searching the house like a madwoman for Mike. “Can you drive?!” Nick chimes in, grabbing Matt by the shoulder to break him from his daze. Matt’s eyes remain trained on your bedroom window, watching as the light turns on and your shadow comes into view as he responds, “yeah, sorry.”

He puts the car in drive, slowly letting the car roll down the street. Matt’s breath hitches as Mike’s shadow comes into view, he’s praying that you’ll just run out of the house and back into the car. The car is slowly rolling down the street, Matt’s foot hovering over the break in an attempt to slow the car down even more. Your shadow and Mike’s meet for a hug and soon enough you’re kissing. Matt’s foot slams on the break suddenly causing the car to jolt forward, he knew it was coming but it didn’t hurt any less.

“What the fuck Matt?!” Chris exclaims, looking up at Matt in bewilderment. The seatbelt was choking him slightly and his phone flew off his lap. Nick’s head hit the front seat headrest slightly, causing him to gasp in surprise. “Matt what the actual fuck are you doing?!” Nick yelled, meeting Matt’s eyes through the rearview mirror.

There was no way Matt was about to admit that he was watching you through your window. So, he made up the quickest lie he could think of, “Sorry. I got a cramp.” He offered both his brothers a fake smile in hopes that they’d believe his lie. It seemed to satisfy them seeing as they rolled their eyes and returned to their phones. Matt took his foot off the break, looking back at your house one last time.

The lights were off.

—

Matt doesn’t hear from you until two days later. You called him at 12pm, which was completely uncommon for you to do. You were usually calling him at 12am, breaking him from his deep sleep to rant about Mike.

“Hello?” Matt answers the phone immediately, if this is another call about Mike and his stupid actions he’s ready to be honest this time. “You busy?” You ask, propping the phone between your shoulder and your face so you can freely look through the racks of clothing in front of you.

Matt examines his surrounding, trying to decide whether he’s truly busy or not. He’s not. “Mmm not really. Why?” He asks, getting up from his spot on the couch and walking over to his room. He hears the metal hangers scraping against the clothings racks in the background before you reply, “wanted to see if you were down for lunch.”

This was the first time you’d asked him to hang out since dating Mike. He couldn’t fight the smile that grew on his face. “Just you and me or Nick and Chris too,” he needed to sound casual, but he was kicking himself for even mentioning Nick and Chris. What if you said yes to inviting them and his time alone with you turned into a group hangout?

“Up to you, I was hoping for it just to be us,” you reply, picking a shirt off the rack. You examine it carefully as you try imagining yourself in it. You decide you don’t like it and put it back. Matt is doing a silent happy dance on the other side of the phone, he feels like this is his chance to tell you the truth. Plus, you don’t seem to be upset with Mike which means that the conversation probably won’t revolve entirely around that loser.

Matt calms himself down, taking a deep breath before replying, “Cool yeah. Should I meet you somewhere?” He’s trying to act casual, but there is no such thing as casual for Matt when it involves you. “You can. Or I can pick you up?” You reply, walking out of the store and to your car. You walk the street cautiously, thanking the people who let you pass with a small hand wave. For you, this conversation really was normal. Just a friend asking another friend to go out to lunch.

For Matt, this conversation felt like the beginning of something new. A new relationship with you, a new attempt at admitting his feelings, even a new outlook on life. He felt positive. “Yeah that works. Are you close?” He has the biggest smile on his face as he looks through his closet for the perfect outfit.

“I’m like 10 minutes away,” you say mindlessly, pausing as you dig through your purse for your keys. “I’ll let you know when I’m there, okay? Love you, friend,” you finished saying once you found your keys and unlocking your car.

There was that word again. Friend. It made Matt shudder, but he tries ignoring it. He wasn’t going to let that sour his mood. “Alright, bye. Love you too,” he replies, but he means it. He intentionally doesn’t call you friend in hopes that you’ll take the hint.

All you do is hum in response and hang up. It breaks Matt’s heart, but he ignores it.

—

You pick Matt up, arriving to his house exactly 10 minutes later. The two of you decide on a restaurant, engaging in light conversation throughout your meal. Matt couldn’t find the courage to confess to you, especially not with the thought of Mike looming over him.

Matt felt incredibly anxious, his mind racing uncontrollably with all the possible outcomes of tonight. He could confess and it could go one of two ways, you could feel the same or you could reject him for Mike like all the times before. Or he could keep it to himself and remain in the friendzone forever.

The two of you are now walking back to your car, ready to call it a night. “Thanks for coming out with me,” you say with a smile as you hop into the drivers seat. Matt follows suit, getting into the passenger side before replying, “of course, anything for you.” The comment was simple, but it had so many underlying messages that he wished you’d pick up on. ‘Anything for you.’

You seem to pick up some sort of message because you reply with a chuckle, “you’re always saying sappy stuff like that Matt.” He gulps nervously, was this his chance? You start the car, the radio playing dully in the background. The noise replaces the previous silence, only adding to his own frustration, especially because he hated this song. He couldn’t decide whether to do it or not.

“I hate this song,” you mumble, changing the station to another song quickly. He takes this as a sign, a sign to just bite the bullet and spill it all. He needs to start off slow though, if he’s too abrasive it’ll scare you, “so, how are you and Mike doing?”

You two hadn’t spoken about Mike the entire night and for good reason too. The night you got back from the arcade he made a bunch of empty promises, adding in a bunch of fake apologies in between. You, of course, ended up forgiving him only for him to mess up again the next day. So, you decided you were finally done with him and broke up with him for good. Usually when you two would break up you’d allow him back into your life within hours, but this time you blocked him on everything and forced him to move out. Today was your first day as a truly single woman and it felt like a breath of fresh air. You were repulsed by men and decided you were going to be single for a while.

“We broke up actually,” you say calmly, making a long story short. Matt knew all the details of your previous arguments with Mike so there was no point in explaining the obvious. He’s in shock, actually in shock. This is the first time you’ve ‘broken’ up with Mike and weren’t completely hysterical about it.

“When did this happen?!”

You turn the corner onto Matt’s street, nearing his house slowly. “Yesterday morning. I kicked him out and he’s coming for the rest of his stuff tomorrow,” you say like it was the most normal thing ever. How were you so calm? So casual?

Mike moving out was the best news ever, that means that it’s real this time. “Wow. How are you?” he asks. He needs to test the waters before diving head first, especially if he’s going to confess something so important.

“I’m okay. Honestly, I’m not as sad as I thought I’d be. I’m just ready to be single,” you reply, placing the car in park in front of his house. He digests the information, trying to come to terms with the fact that you want to be single. “Right now I’m repulsed at the thought of men. I’m just so done crying over guys, you know? I’m ready to just hang out with my friends and be free.”

“I’m a man. Are you repulsed at the thought of me?” Matt asks in an attempt to make light of the information you just dumped on him. He’s trying not to freak out right now. “No, dude! I mean like men that I’d date. You’re my best friend, it’s different,” you reply, the words cutting into Matt. Everything you just said felt like an insult.

The car is filled with an awkward silence, neither of you know what to say after that. The same song from earlier plays, the song you hate and suddenly it feels more like a bad omen to Matt. You cough in an attempt to break the tension, but Matt remains silent, he feels like he can’t breathe right now.

“Well I had fun today, Matt,” you finally say, unlocking the car so he can use it as an excuse to escape this situation. You don’t know why the conversation suddenly became so awkward, all you know is that this felt weird and you didn’t want to sit in it for longer than you had to.

“Me too,” he replies meekly, struggling to unbuckle himself. “Here let me help,” you offer, reaching towards his seat to help him with the buckle. It all becomes too much as he pushes your hand away, “stop. I got it.” You look at him in shock. What was his problem?

Before you can comment on his behavior, he opens the car door and stumbles out. He can’t seem to leave this situation fast enough. You watch in confusion as he walks into his house without another word. You are worried, but decide he’s just being dramatic and drive off.

Once he’s inside he feels the emotions intensify as he immediately collapses onto the floor. He’s out of breath and his head is ringing with the words you said, ‘No dude! I mean like men that I’d date. You’re my best friend, it’s different.’ He’s hyperventilating at this point, the tears flowing uncontrollably down his face as heaves in an attempt to catch his breath.

Nick and Chris who were in the living room hear this and immediately bolt towards Matt. “Matt? What’s wrong?” Chris asks frantically, getting on his knees to be eye level with his brother. Matt doesn’t respond, instead he grabs onto his Chris and pulls him in for a hug and sobs into his shoulder. He’s desperate for comfort, but nothing seems like enough. Chris understands what his brother needs, holding him tightly in an attempt to console him.

“He’s having a panic attack, let’s take him to his room,” Nick says equally as frantic, squatting in front of his two brothers so he can rub Matt’s back. Chris and Nick attempt to pick Matt up, but he’s glued to the floor, still holding on to Chris for dear life.

“It’s okay buddy, I got you,” Chris says calmly, not wanting to escalate the situation any further. Matt continues to cry, allowing his brothers to comfort him. “Deep breaths, Matt. Deep breaths,” Chris instructs, pulling Matt off of him slightly so he can get it together. Matt nods his head, using all his will power to stop crying and focus on his breathing. Finally, he’s able to calm down and his sobbing is reduced to sniffles.

“Wanna talk about it?” Nick asks lovingly, sitting next to Matt on the floor and rubbing more circles onto his back. “No,” Matt replies, his voice hoarse from all the crying. He looks down at his hands and plays with his rings to occupy his mind. “That’s okay, we’re here for you when you’re ready,” Chris chimes in, taking a seat on the other side of Matt. He rests his head on Matt’s shoulder, patting his thigh to signify that he’s willing to sit here with him for as long as necessary.

“Thanks,” Matt replies sadly, resting his head against the wall behind him. He’s never felt as defeated as he does right now. He’s stuck in the friendzone again and again.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n:

Honestly such a great request, but I had to keep re-listening to the song to write a story as accurate as possible to it. That’s why there’s no happy ending because the song clearly states that he’s stuck in the friendzone again and again, but I’m willing to do a pt.2 with a happy ending or just a diff outcome. Hope you enjoy.

Also, I’ll be expecting the foot

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

[secondbeatsongs]

Hello! I'm Julie from Cariona and I just want to ask if you're interested in doing ads/promotions here on Tumblr? If yes, how much do you charge per reblog?

For proof of legitimate promotions, you can check @catchymemes, @sulfatto, @isnt, and many others.

Website for reference: http://cariona.com Over 200 five star Facebook reviews: https://www.facebook.com/carionaproducts/reviews

Please feel free to respond here or reach out to us on marketing@cariona.com for more details! Thank you once again and have a great week!

absolutely fascinating that you decided to send this as an ask, when you also DM'd me. unfortunately, you may realize that this was a mistake - you see, asks can be responded to publicly.

so, allow me to respond:

hi, Julie! I'd never heard about Cariona before, so I decided to go poking around, and I learned something!

well, I learned a few things, actually. from your site, Cariona seems to be a small business that sells reusable menstrual products. and while I will never advertise a product that I haven't used, there's nothing wrong with wanting people to promote your company.

I have, however, found a few problems.

the first thing I found was this post by @crafiet from May 12th of last year, saying that shortly after making a purchase on your website, her debit card info was leaked, and used to make facebook ad purchases.

it seems that at least back then, your payment system was insecure. I'm really hoping you've fixed that, because. yikes.

and when I messaged crafiet to ask if it was okay if I linked to her post, she also mentioned that even though your website says you ship from Georgia, her package came shipped from China, and took a long time to arrive.

that's pretty sketchy.

the next thing I found was some folks talking about receiving cards with their orders that have a QR code on them with the words "Scan For God's Message To You", and that on the other side, have this bible verse:

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is. Psalm 63:1

fun fact! that's from the King James Version (which I have a lot of thoughts about, but I'm not going to get into that right now).

additional fun fact! that particular psalm is from that time David fled to the wilderness because Jonathan's dad was trying to kill him.

and that's why I have to talk about the verses that follow it:

(ID in alt text; link to the NIV version if you want it)

so...are we like 100% sure it's god that David is thinking about here? because...I mean...that's pretty horny, right? and all of this while on the run from his boyfriend's dad?

I'm not saying anything, but like...¯\_(ツ)_/¯

it's a weird verse to choose for this, that's all.

anyway, back to you, Cariona: after seeing people talking about the bible verse cards, I decided to poke around your website more, and allll the way at the bottom of it, finally found your "About Us" page, which ends with this:

...look. there's nothing inherently wrong with being christian. but to say "we do not wish to impose any beliefs on our customers", and to then put bible verse cards in people's orders? that's sneaky, and I don't like it.

I also think it's a bit sneaky that you've flagged your tumblr account as pro-trans on shinigami eyes. at least, I assume you flagged it yourselves, because I didn't find a single post on your blog that mentions trans issues.

(though you have, entertainingly, reblogged some stranger things fanart, and a castiel cat cosplay)

and while your website uses very gender-neutral language, your "About Us" page doesn't say anything about being inclusive of trans people, just that you don't "discriminate against anyone who has a different belief than ours."

unfortunately, that's not good enough for me. I have this sneaking suspicion that "trans people are the gender they say they are" counts as a "different belief".

lastly, since you say on your website that people can message you asking about your faith, I had a friend do that!

baptists. you're baptists, which is a pretty conservative denomination.

and according to you, part of that 10% you donate goes to your local churches, and some missionaries. who are also probably baptists.

so.

in the end, I just...don't trust you? I don't trust that the 10% you're donating is going to organizations that aren't homophobic or transphobic. I don't believe that you're not trying to impose your beliefs on others, because that's what you're obviously doing. I mean, your "About Me" says that one of the reasons you built this company is to spread the gospel.

and I especially don't like it that you reached out to me (an openly queer person) for promotion without mentioning that you're an evangelical company.

so to answer your question, Julie: no. I am not interested in doing ads or promotions for you on tumblr. and honestly, you probably picked the wrong website for this kind of thing.

[mtfstuff]

The desired role

I never thought my life could change this drastically. Let me tell you that I once was a strong and fair cop but I lost all of that quickly without fully realizing what I did. It all started a few months ago on this fateful afternoon.

On that day I was on my patrol, driving around in my police cruiser looking for potential trouble as usual.

I had gotten a call from a young woman that it seems like a young man is selling himself for sex to other men in a more remote area of the town. I was driving around there to see if I could spit him and I could after a fee minutes of searching. I carefully parked the cruiser and tried to sneak up on them. They were in the back of an alley. I could see the young man wearing skin tight latex from neck to toes. He was getting fucked by an older man with a beer gut while another man demanded the young man to suck his dick. I came closer but one of the older man noticed me and started to run. I quickly started to run towards them, shouting at them to stand still. The second man pushed the young man towards me and started to run away too.

I catched the young man and could only watch as the two old men ran through a backdoor and closed it. I handcuffed the young man and then walked up to the backdoor, trying to pry it open but to no avail. The thick metal door didnt move a bit. I got back to the young man and looked at him thoroughly. His body from neck to toes was covered in latex, even his hands. The only places free of latex was his crotch area and a hole around his butt. His dick was locked away in a chastity cage. He seemed intimidated by me as he didnt even reach my shoulders.

"Are you even old enough to sell yourself in this 'business'?", I asked him starting to walk him towards the cruiser.

"Is this regarding my size? Yeah I know I look young with my 5' but I can assure you that I'm 26 years old.", he answered cowardly.

"Do you have any ID to back up that claim?"

"No. I lost everything around 4 months ago."

I pushed him into the backseat.

I got into the car on the drivers seat.

"Whats your name?", I asked opening the criminal justice information system.

"Jordan Blight.", he said. I could hear him starting to sob.

I entered his name into the computer and found multiple things about him. It started with him disappearing, followed by multiple offensive crimes.

I exhaled deeply. By the looks of it this guy would now go to prison even though I knew that from the way he looked he wouldnt survive a week there.

Jordan must've had a similar thought as he started crying.

"Please... I'll do anything. I just cant go to prison. Please!", he cried.

"Sorry man, but I cant help you.", I answered looking at him through the rearview mirror.

"Please...", he continued crying. "I'll do anything... do you need sexual relief? I'm supposedly good at it. Do you need someone to talk to? I'm a good listener."

I stayed silent. I felt somewhat pitty for him and his situation.

"Do you need someone to get drugs? I know some who have them.", he continued.

I looked at him concerned.

"Or do you want me as an insider? Or should I be your slave?"

I subconsciously moved an eyebrow and unfortunatly Jordan noticed it.

"What was it? The insider or the slave?", he asked with a grin.

I cleared my throat.

"How did you get in your situation? I mean I wouldnt choose to walk around in a latex suit covering everything but my head, dick and ass.", I asked.

"Changing the subject, I see.", he snickered. "I was drugged by some I considered friends. They stripped me, put me in this latex suit and cock cage. They also made sure that I dont get out by welding the zipper fully into the suit. They then brought me here, into a city I dont know to make me a sex slave. And they succeeded. I got addicted to sex and drugs over the last few months. It feels like I know more about the taste of dicks and cum than real food. It feels like I dont even remember how it feels to wear something else than latex."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I - I dont even know what to say.", I said.

"Say if it was the slave or the insider.", he laughed.

"Neither. Just a weird thought I sometimes have."

"Tell me about it."

I felt torn. He had the right appearance for my weird wish but he was just a stranger, even more a stranger I've just arrested. But I still had this feeling that I could tell him.

"Since I was in pre-school I was the tallest guy and even without working out I was pretty muscular.", I said. "And I dont know why as my family isnt tall at all. Since then I started to get this wish, to feel small. Even get somewhat humiliated."

It was a weird silence.

"I didnt see that coming.", Jordan said. "You, this hunk of a good looking man, wants to be humiliated. You want to be in my position?"

"Yeah, I do.", I said. "I just want to know how it feels."

"Well, I'd do anything to not go to prison but I dont know how much I could humiliate you."

He chuckled.

"I mean I'm 5' and you're like 6'3.", he added.

"6'5 to be precise.", I said. "I could have something that would change this situation. Only if you're down for it."

"I'd be doing it if it means that I wont go to prison, so yeah. Tell me, what is it you have."

I moved around in my seat, fearing his reaction to what I would tell him.

"I have a body swap item with me.", I told him.

He bursted out into laughs. It was almost contagious. Almost.

He slowly caught himself again.

"You cant be serious!", he looked at me. "Oh shit, you're serious."

"I dont know if it works but it could be your way out of prison if you do it with me for a short time. Its said to be reversible so we'd swap back after that session of ours.", I said.

He thought about it for a moment.

"Sure, why not. I always wondered how it felt to have a body as incredible as yours."

"Then its a deal.", I started the engine and drove us to an even more remote area of the city.

When we arrived I turned off the cruiser and got out. I opened the trunk of the cruiser and took a strange needle out of it. I closed it and opened Jordan's door. I pulled him out and pushed him into an abandoned alleyway.

I unlocked his handcuffs and he rubbed his wrists.

"So how does this work?", Jordan asked.

"We have to prick a finger each with this.", I held the needle in front of him. "Then the pricked tips have to touch and then we swap or transform into each other. That wasnt fully clear."

"Then lets do it.", he answered.

I took one of his fingers and pricked the tip. He let out a slight gasp. Then I pricked my finger and held it up. He pressed his finger against mine and I immediately felt a weird sensation, as if a force was pulling my whole body from my finger.

Jordan musst have felt it himself as he pulled his hand away. I looked at him and noticed that he started to grow, not just in height but also in terms of muscles. His latex suit got pulled thinner and thinner before it finally ripped in multiple places. The scraps of latex fell to the ground, revealing Jordans new muscular body that was still growing. I could immediately see that his muscles looked like mine. Jordan marveled at his new body, already smelling his armpits or feeling his abs. I looked down at his dick to see if it was growing too and it did. It was already straining against the cage before the cage sprung open and fell to the ground. Jordan's dick was the spitting image of mine and it was rock hard.

Jordan was almost the same height as me now and only his face looked different. A beard stubble was starting to grow on his cheeks as his bone structure started to morph into mine. His hair grew shorter and his eye color changed. It took only a few seconds and it was as if I was looking into a mirror. A naked mirror.

"This is incredible!", Jordan said feeling his biceps. "We could be twins right now! But shouldnt you look like me?"

"Yeah, I thought I would transform too but until now I only have this strange feeling.", right then the feeling changed and I started to shrink. While shrinking my uniform felt heavier and the gun holster looser every second and suddenly my pants, including my boxers, fell to the ground. My jacket and vest were huge on me, my hands didnt even stick out of the sleeve anymore and my dick was hidden behind the vest but I could feel how hard it was. It was almost painful.

I looked at Jordan and he had a huge grin on his face.

"Your manly face on my body wearing a uniform thats to big for you is just a funny sight to behold.", he said not letting go of his new muscles.

I started to feel my face change. The receding beard as well as the quickly growing hair tickled. With a faint plop I could hear my bones change and then the feeling vanished.

"Looks like I'm the officer now.", Jordan said.

He grabbed me by the throat and lifted me up. I could feel my socks and boots slip off my feet before I felt the cold ground beneath my butt. Jordan had dropped me.

"Man this strength is crazy!", he exclaimed.

I coughed a few times, trying to get my throat to feel normal again.

Jordan grabbed my arms and quickly pulled the rest of the uniform off of my body. I was now sitting on the cold floor completely naked.

Jordan dropped the vest, jacket and undershirt. I could hear him breathing heavily.

"I havent worn real clothes for months.", I could hear him say to himself.

He picked up my boxers from my pants and looked at them in his hands. He quickly smelled them and let out a quiet moan before carefully slipping his legs through them. He pulled them up to his hips and took his time to position his new big dick in a comfortable place.

It looked like Jordan quickly forgot about me because of the uniform.

He continued by pulling my socks out of my boots before pulling them over his feet and muscular calves. He wiggled his toes and giggled.

He grabbed the undershirt and pulled it over his broad chest. I marveled at how great it fit him. I now saw that I truly knew how to show off my body.

He removed the gun holster from the belt before stepping into the pants. He closed the belt and added the holster back.

He grabbed the jacket and quickly put it on before adding the vest onto his torso.

The last thing left were the boots. He seemed to almost celebrate this. He grabbed them and slowly unlaced them. He relished stepping into them, I could see it. He tied them again and took a few steps.

"This feels so good. Wearing real clothes, a uniform even. And then wearing shoes again. No more barefoot in latex.", he said.

Standing before me really was the spitting image of me, officer Stephen Benson. An officer with a bright future, thinking about how he could do anything as me now made my dick even harder.

"What are you going to do with me, officer?", I asked trying to get his attention.

He helped me up before pushing me face first against the wall.

"You can be more than lucky I got my uniform back. Impersonating an officer is a serious crime!", he said.

I felt him rubbing his crotch against my back.

"That was all just a big misunderstanding sir!", I answered.

I suddenly felt how he put the handcuffs around my wrists on my back.

"Misunderstanding or not, you're going to jail.", he said.

I got nervous, was he just roleplaying or taking over my life. I wanted to be submissive but I didnt want to go to jail. The thought of him taking over made me even harder. My dick was pressing so hard against the dirty brick wall.

"You're lucky as I'm in need of sexual relief.", he turned me around to face him. "And you may not go to jail if you go down and do a thing for me."

Jordan had a devilish grin on my old face. I went down and he immediately pushed my face into my old crotch. I could smell the fabric as well as the stench of my old sweat. But most of all I could feel the outline of the beast inside the pants that was once mine.

He continued pressing my face into his crotch.

"Worship me. Worship my muscles and uniform!", he said.

I couldnt answer because my face was pushed so hard against his crotch but I managed to move my hands behind my back to get his attention there.

He bent himself over me to unlock one side of the handcuffs again.

I immediately moved my hands to his firm butt and squeezed it. My hands slowly ran down his legs, feeling the muscles beneath the fabric every time he flexed his legs. I knew that it should be wrong, worshipping your real body but it just felt so good.

My hands went down further, now slightly massaging his calves before I ran my hands over my combat boots he now wore. Touching the leather felt surprisingly good so I kept working on his feet. That combined with inhaling the musk of my old crotch and uniform felt intoxicating.

"Take it out and suck it!", I heard Jordan order with my old deep voice.

It sent chills down my spine knowing that I sounded like that before but now I wasnt in control of it or any other part of that body.

I opened the belt and pants and pulled out his dick. It was more than massive from my point of view and it was already throbbing and leaking pre-cum.

I opened my mouth and Jordan saw that as his opportunity to push the full 8 inches down my throat. I thought that I would have to throw up but this body had like no gag reflex anymore. I continued sucking on my old dick while Jordan controlled my speed by having his hands behind my head.

It felt weird and at first I didnt knew what to do but it only took a few seconds before the muscle memory kicked in and I started sucking like a pro. I could feel the veins pulsate in sync with Jordan's heartbeat. I used my tongue to play with it and I heard Jordan moan every now and then.

He suddenly grabbed my head more tightly before I felt his dick erupting in my mouth. I immediately started to swallow and tasted cum for the first time. The salty but still somewhat sweet taste was weird at first but it felt more normal with every string Jordan shot into my mouth.

"Dont spill.", he said panting.

I swallowed everything before he pulled me to my feet again. He turned me around again and I could immediately feel him running his dick along my ass. He pushed it in without warning but it didnt hurt at all.

"Damn, my hole was loose.", Jordan said. "I have more to give to you."

He pounded me hard but it still turned me on more. Knowing that the roles would be reversed in reality. I should be the muscular officer and Jordan should be this twink but right now I was living my phantasy.

His thrusts changed pace and I could feel how he prepared to unleash another load into me. He pushed me tight against the wall, his hands on my hips as I felt him shooting his warm and slimy masculine seed up my ass.

He pulled out and I felt him wiping off his dick on my butt cheeks.

I was covered in sweat but it felt great to have been used like this and I bet Jordan loved being a muscular officer too.

I was awaiting that he would unlock the handcuffs again so that we could swap back but he suddenly grabbed me with full force by my neck and threw me to the ground.

"You let something drip out of your ass!", he said firmly pointing at his feet. "Go on and clean my awesome combat boots."

I got on my knees and licked the cum off of my old boot. It tasted just like before, only that it had now dirt mixed into it. I was almost done licking as I felt a few finger intrude my butt. Jordan pulled them out again and tasted it.

"Damn man, this body tastes good.", he said.

Suddenly we both looked intensely at each other knowing exactly what caused it. It felt like a damn broke in our minds. My mind got flooded with the memories of Jordan and he probably got access to my memories.

"This- this changes everything!", he said.

He pulled me up.

I cleared my throat to sound manlier.

"Are you ready to change back? There are spare clothes in the trunk of the cruiser you can wear after that.", I said.

"No man.", he said.

"What do you mean, no?"

He pushed me against the wall again.

"You wanted to be me. You wanted to be humiliated and I agreed to escape prison.", he flashed me a quick smile. "But I'm the man now. I have the muscles. I wear the uniform. We'll do this my way now."

"But- but you cant just be a cop and do my job. I cant stay like this."

"You enjoyed being like this."

He gestured to my small, hard and slightly leaking dick.

"And I more than enjoyed being you.", he continued. "You have two options now, 'Jordan'. Keep complaining about swapping back and I'll send you to prison. Or get into the car and be me."

I stared at him in shock.

"It's Thursday, right?", he asked.

"Yes."

"Then lets make a deal. We stay like this till Sunday. If you then still want to swap back we'll do it. If you want us to stay like this we'll stay."

"Deal!"

He grabbed my balls tightly and I let out a loud, uncontrolled moan. He laughed.

"Good. I still have to be on my patrol for 2 more hours. So I'll leave you here. You wanted to be humiliated so you have to make a choice. Stay here until I come back to get you or look around searching for clothes. But if you do, time is running. I wont wait here for you when I'm finshed.", he said.

He laughed again and walked to the cruiser. He stepped into the driver seat, started the engine and left.

Only then I noticed that Jordan managed to place his old chastity cage on my dick.

I didnt fully understand how it got this far but I felt good. The humiliation was everything I always wanted but I still felt the urge to get my body back. I was excited to see what the last few days would bring.

[ashboy-3]

The Unspoken Deal

Fandom: Danny Phantom, John Constantine, and DCU Characters: John Constantine, Danny Fenton/Phantom, Batman, Superman, other JL members Words: 3507 Summary:

Danny and John have a deal. It's a simple deal. Every month they have a meet up. Danny keeps as much control over the ghost as he can in return John keeps track of them in the human realm. That's it nothing else should be so simple.

So why do feelings keep getting involved and why does the justice league suddenly seem so interested in the beings of the infinite realms.

John knows one thing for sure: This is all Danny's fault.

“You know these meetings are supposed to be taken seriously? Right mate?” John Constantine asked, only a little annoyed at dealing with the half-ghost.

“Who says? The council, meh I don’t really fully care what they have to say,” the half-ghost laughed, throwing another snowball at the human.

“Why do I put up with you again?” Constantine rubbed his hand over his face.

“You love me,” the ghost teased.

“What makes you so sure,” John hid the small smile that was on his face. He would never admit it, but the half ghost does hold a special place within his heart, a place that very few ever made it to.

“Any big threats I need to know about?” the ghost floated in front of John, ignoring the question that was being asked of him.

“Nothing I’ve heard about oh Danny boy,” John nodded towards him, watching as the Ghost King looked him up and down.

“Sell your soul recently?” Danny eyed him.

“Don’t know what your talkin about mate,” John avoided looking at the ghost, choosing instead to focus on his neglected cigarette.

“Well mate,” Danny easily copied the brit’s accent. “I happen to have a soul piece here.” Danny took the small delicate object out of his pocket, showing it off to John’s widened eyes.

“Be careful with that!” He shouted, seeing Danny just throwing it in the air as if it was a plastic ball.

“I would be if you didn’t treat your soul like a throw away joke,” Danny glared at his old friend, watching him put out the cancer stick as the two walked inside the castle also known as phantom’s keep and talk. “I’m serious John. Every time you sell your soul, I have to find a way to get it. You’ve sold over half of your soul. Soon you won’t have any pieces left,” Danny rolled his eyes, walking into a room where he keeps a singular candy jar, dropping the glowing piece in the jar. It made a small clink as it fell with the other pieces.

“That really is my whole soul isn’t it,” John peaked into the room to look at the jar.

“Farid so. Makes almost a whole soul. Be careful, our time is almost up so I’ll be seeing you next month?” Danny frowned at the idea of John leaving.

“I’ll be sure to give you a call if something comes up mate,” John assured him.

“And the heroes will be kept out of my realm?” They both know Danny’s rules about humans walking around the realms. Even now, years later from his teenage years, the humans he allows in are few and small. Adding heroes to that list just makes it worse.

“No heroes,” John assured him, opening the portal with a simple spell, stepping back into the house of mystery. “I’ll be seeing you ole Danny boy,” John smiled a sad smile at watching the portal close, shutting off his communication with the older ghost.

Recently all of their monthly meetings have the old warlock feeling like this. Feeling like something is missing or wrong. Sometimes he debates saying more, extending their meetings, even offering to meet more than once a month, but it never goes that far, choosing instead to ignore the feeling and continue on his day.

Pouring himself a drink, a favorite activity of his. He couldn’t help the groan that came from his mouth at hearing his phone ring.

Ring Ring Ring

Constantine sighed as the annoying ring hurt his ears. It was worse when he checked the caller ID. “What do ya want bats. Ima little busy?”

“Meeting at the watchtower. Be there,” the rough voice ordered from the phone.

“You could at least butter me up a little,” the thick British accent responded. Batman didn’t dignify him with a response, choosing instead to just hang up the phone.

“Well doll seems I still can’t take a break,” John signed, talking to the house. Downing his drink within one gulp he casted another spell, landing him right in the watchtower.

“Do you have to appear on the table every time?” Superman asked in wonder.

“Just how magic works mate,” John dusted off his tan coat, stepping off the table that was surrounded by multiple leaguers. “Alright what’s this whole shin dig about?”

“We have gotten multiple reports and sightings about strange creatures,” Batman started, clicking buttons on a small remote for all of the leaguers to see. Up on the big screens were creatures, creatures that Constantine was very familiar with. A bad feeling began to weave its way into his liver ruined gut.

“Are they aliens?” one of the leaguers questioned.

“Nothing in any of our databases,” Hal shook his head with crossed arms.

“Nothing from under the sea,” Aquaman agreed.

“So, they’ve come from a strange place that none of us have heard about?” Wonder Woman threw her hands in the air from disbelief.

“I don’t believe they come from the underworld, but John would be a better judge then me,” Zatara looked towards the brit.

“I don’t know nothing bout them mate. Prolly best to leave them be for now,” John shrugged, ignoring the questioning looks he was getting from some his ‘coworkers’ with trust issues.

“I’ll look more into them,” Zatara nodded. “Find out if they become a threat.” He assured the league.

“We’ll be looking into the lantern database and getting contact with others, find out if anyone knows anything,” Jon agreed, nodding towards Hal. All three getting up to leave the table.

“Well, if that’s all I’ll be on my bloody way. Drag me out of my house for notin,” John muttered angrily.

“Actually, John if you wouldn’t mind having a conversation with me?” Zatara asked, waving him over.

“Fine,” the brit groaned, getting a pack of his smokes out, lighting one up within the watchtower, ignoring glares he was getting from the three top dogs.

Zatara had taken John to a lone room, nothing really in it besides a desk, a few chairs, and one small couch, it was clearly only a room used for conversations.

“What’s this bout?” John wondered.

“You know something about those creatures,” Zatara stated firmly.

“I know nothin bout nothin,” John nodded, not agreeing with the magician’s statement.

“Oh please, you’re eyes widened when you saw the pictures. If you know something it should be shared. I will not reveal your secrets, however if you refuse to say anything it will just cause everyone, including me, to dig deeper into them.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise. They could be dangerous.”

John laughed at that statement. “If that’s all I’m leaving.” Zatara was ready to fight back but looking up he discovered to see the brit gone.

***

“Danny mate pick up your damn phone!” John yelled at the blasted thing from his third time calling his old friend, now pacing around the old House of Mystery. Grabbing the full glass of scotch that the house kindly made for him.

“Sorry John. I was in a meeting,” Danny smiled into the phone. He may be a supernatural being, but he still had plenty to use of his fourteen-year-old mind, an age he hasn’t been for many years.

“Danny you bloody idiot! I thought that you were keeping them under control!” John yelled into the phone, surprising Danny.

“Don’t you dare yell at me John Constantine!” Danny yelled back into the phone, stopping him in his place.

“You’re right. I’m sorry Danny boy. The Justice League just got on my bloody ass about your spooks. Bats is ready to go to war with them,” John sat down in his chair.

“Want to summon me? We can talk about it?” Danny asked into the phone, both knew the undertones of the conversation.

“Things never go right when I summon you,” John refused to look towards a picture of him and Danny. The old ghost laughing, his baby face unable to grow much facial hair, as John cheered a beer, a smile on his face as well. It was one of their first nights out together in the human world.

“But it’s fun. No funny business this time?” Danny offered.

“Now you’re just tempting fate love,” John grinned into his scotch.

“You’re easy to tempt,” Danny nodded in agreement, both understanding the silent message.

Grabbing a piece of green glowing chalk John stumbled towards an empty part of his floor, no need to look up the sigils Danny choose for his summoning. He didn’t understand most of them, but the guy laughed every time he appeared in the human realm, a silent joke that only he knows. He remembers one drunken night when Danny tried to explain, he got nowhere with the brit.

“Numquam agnus dabo te

numquam agnus dimittam te

numquam amet discurrere et deseram te

numquam agnus fac te clamare

numquam agnus dicere vale

numquam agnus dic mendacium et nocuerunt tibi”

John, always confused by the spell, spoke it loud and clear, letting the candles and lights around the house dance as the green fire descended from the hells, lighting up the circle, leaving in a swirl with a half ghost king, smiling and evil smile at him.

“You summoned me,” Danny stepped out of the circle, walking closer to John.

“I summoned you,” he agreed, the mood much different from their business meeting they had just yesterday. John’s breathing becoming deeper and heavier the closer Danny stepped towards him. It forever amazed him that the ghost could become bigger or smaller with just a thought.

“I promised no funny business,” Danny noted, his half breaths just as deep.

“Screw that!” John declared, pushing their lips together, creating a fire between the two. A fire that would not let out till the two were done.

This was routine for when John summoned Danny. A routine that neither is sure how it started, but neither regret. They both agree it’s just sex. No feelings need to be mixed in, but John can’t help the flutter in hie heart when he thinks about everything that Danny does for him. Keeping him updated, collecting his soul contracts, giving him this. It was everything that he could dream about.

“Do you want to stop?” Danny asked carefully, his breath on John’s.

“If you stop, I will exorcize you,” John glared at the ghost.

“Fair enough,” Danny laughed, the two stumbling towards John’s room in the old mystery house.

The next day, both barely clothed, wrapped up in blankets and each other, John woke up, staring at Danny, tracing his fingers over the old, faded scars.

“You’re staring again,” Danny’s eyes fluttered open.

“You make it hard not to,” John grinned at him, turning around in the bed to light a cigarette.

“You said my subjects are hurting the humans,” Danny started to sit up in the bed, the ring of rage glowing proudly on his finger.

“I never said hurting. I keep an eye on them for you here. I promised, didn’t I?” John turned towards him, clearly understanding that this is no longer pleasure, only business.

“Then what was the call about?” Danny raised an eyebrow, getting up from the bed in a way only one trained in royalty could. John thought that he was beautiful.

“Bats called in a meeting. Trying to figure out where they came from. I was honest. Told them they ain’t form the underworld. Bloody Zatara caught me. Wanted to know how I recognized them. Refused to tell him that they were looking for limbo. I made a promise to ya Danny boy and I intend to keep it,” John tapped his cigarette on the ashtray he keeps by the bed. Watching as Danny slowly dressed himself in his torn-up jeans and shirt, a jacket going with it. One would never think he was dead, much less royalty.

“Do you want me to talk to them?” Danny asked.

“Do you want to talk to them?” John uno reversed him.

“I’m free in two days. I’ll calm down the Justice League,” Danny snapped his fingers, disappearing in green fire, just the same as he arrived. John knows that when he walks back to his living room all evidence of his summoning will be gone as well.

“Damn. You have it bad,” a voice laughed from the living room.

“Damn it!” John shouted, face turning red from anger as he shut his bedroom door, a door that was not shut last night, as he quickly got dressed, stomping back into the living room. “Chas. What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

“Checking up on you. Someone has to,” he shrugged. “Haven’t seen you be like that with someone in forever. So, when’s the next date?” Chas teased.

“Sod off Chas. We’re not dating,” John waved him away, grabbing a cold beer.

“Sure. You only look the people you shag like that because no feelings are attached,” Chas nodded, clearly sarcastic.

“He doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants to make sure I keep his subjects out of trouble while in the human realm. Nothing more nothing less,” John took a big gulp of beer.

“Have either of you ever actually talked about this?” Chas asked.

“C’mon mate. We’ve never talked about it because there is nothing to talk about,” John yelled. “We meet in his realm at a set time we talk. If something comes up, I can call him,” John shrugged.

“so, nothing ever happened while in his realm?” Chas raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing worth bringing up in conversation,” John argued back, the jar that contains his soul in the back of his mind.

“Sure,” Chas snorted, clearly not believing him. “I’ll leave you. Just. Don’t ruin this for yourself John. You are clearly happy with him and that doesn’t happen often with you,” Chas walked out of the house, leaving John by himself, only the house to keep him company.

“I don’t like him. I can’t like him. Why would I even like him?” John asked himself and the house. “The guy only rescues my soul every chance he can get. He willingly comes to visit the human realm for me. He willingly gave me his summoning. “Fuck!” John shouted, realization hitting him.

Panic still fresh in his brain he called up Batman. “I have news about the creatures. Meeting in two days.” John didn’t give the guy a chance to reply, closing his phone and ending the call. He has two days to get his body ass unsober as possible before he has to see Danny again.

***

“Alright bats. Everyone here?” John asked, appearing once again on the table, the annoyance clear on Superman’s face.

“You have news about the strange creatures?” Batman asked, coming from him however, everyone knew that it was an order.

“Yeah yeah. I’ll get to that. Move out of the way people,” John only got down form the table to put his bag down, grabbing the green glowing chalk, and walking back up on the table, aware that he has other magic user’s eyes on him. Writing the familiar symbols, he knew by heart. He still had the old book on his shelf, but he has no use for it.

“Be prepared mates. He’s a tad dramatic,” John warned, muttering the same summoning from before. His eyes turning white as green flames enveloped the room, clearly it was done in a more dramatic way for the audience the two have present.

“Numquam agnus dabo te

numquam agnus dimittam te

numquam amet discurrere et deseram te

numquam agnus fac te clamare

numquam agnus dicere vale

numquam agnus dic mendacium et nocuerunt tibi”

Unlike yesterday where all Danny was wearing was ripped jeans, a t-shirt full of small holes and a warm jacket, today he was draped in armor of black, white, and ecto green. The crown of fire worn proudly at the top of his head and the ring of rage glowing proudly on his finger. Fire forming under his feet as he took steps down the table. John had to take a smirk at how Danny presented himself. This is the same person who tripped over his feet walking in a straight line the other week, crashing his face right into ghost rocks. It never amazed John that Danny could present himself this way, but no one could deny the affect that it had.

“Who are you?” Batman asked, taking the lead as usual.

“Did you not explain to them?” Danny’s voice now held an echo to it, a few leaguers unsure if they were hearing him correctly.

“Sorry love figured you would love to do the honors,” John waved him off, taking a seat.

“I am Phantom. King of the Infinite Realms. John Constantine is the watcher of the human realm for me. He has informed me that the “Justice League” was getting curious about my subjects,” Danny chooses his words carefully. John snorted at his phrasing of the Justice League. “My subjects are not causing lasting harm to any humans. No humans have been injured from them or have been killed. There should be no reason that this club house is looking into my subjects,” Danny’s eyes glowed a deep green, clearly angry about the accusations he has formed in his mind.

“We never claimed that your subjects have injured anybody. We were just concerned. These are new creatures. No one knew of them, and we wanted to make sure they were not a risk,” Wonder Woman was quick to jump in.

“Hah!” Danny grinned, showing his fangs in full view. “My subjects are not new. Most have been around longer then you have been alive. It is your ignorance that has made you assume such a thing.” John knows that if this was with just the two of them alone Danny would have cracked some stupid joke like, “You know what assuming does right? Make an ass out of you and me! Ha! Come on John! It’s funny!”

“I’m sorry?” Wonder Woman was confused.

“My subjects are mostly ghost. Spirits who have refused to pass on. Spirits who have been formed from human ideals. Death, Nocturne, and Time. These are all spirits that have been formed from the thoughts of humans. They will live as long as their ideas live on. There are ones that form naturally, there are ones who have died and left this world, unable to move on they come to my realm. They come back to finish what they started, their right to, or to just cause petty mischief, something they need to do to survive. I keep an eye on every single one in the human realm. From now on if there is an issue you go straight to John. Do I make myself clear?” There was a fire burning in Danny’s eyes as he turned around, stomping out, not wanting to hear any more questions.

“Guess I have no choice but to follow his highness,” John sounded like he was mocking the king, but he knows that if Chas was here, he would call John out on his bullshit quicker then he could snap.

“Did you see their faces?” Danny smiled, as John grabbed Danny’s arm, easily bringing them back to the house of mystery.

“They believe that you are a ruthless tyrant who cares only for his people,” John agreed, pouring himself a drink.

“Pour me one. I know it’s great isn’t it! I worked all day with Ember to get that speech perfect!” Danny’s grin couldn’t get wider, John handed him the drink, watching as Danny drank it with ease.

“Listen Danny boy,” John started, happy that he had the famous liquid courage to help him In this moment.

“What is it, John?” Danny looked up from his drink. There were no problems. The Justice League was handled. What else could there be.

“Mate- Love. It has come to my attention that we might have to rethink our situation John tried, not fully sure how to get the words out.

“You’re going to have to be clearer with me John,” Danny crossed his legs, floating in midair as if Gravity didn’t exist.

“Love I-“John’s throat stopped, not letting him get the words out. “Damn it!” John chugged the rest of his drink, cursing the heavens at his predicament. “Danny I- “once again he was stopped by himself, his beer not helping him at all.

Tired of trying with words, John did the next best thing, he let his actions speak for him. Grabbing Danny, pulling him close, no lust in the moment, unlike a few days ago, he took a deep hopeful breath and pushed a messy kiss upon the half ghost. “Danny, I like you,” John was finally able to whisper.

“Took you long enough mate,” Danny’s smile was wide and hopeful, grabbing John’s neck to kiss him once again. John knows that he’s in for a lifetime of puns, but he is kissing Danny, kissing the half ghost he doesn’t regret a single thing.

[apollos-olives]

i really liked hearing you talking about the geography of the west bank. id love to hear more about what you love about palestine if you want to talk about it. if not i hope u have a good day! i’m sorry anons are being so weird to you and i hope this ask doesn’t cross any boundaries

i've talked about a lottt of different things i love about palestine, but i can talk a bit more about the old city in nablus if you'd like :)

the old city is where you go if you want to find anything and everything. there are hundreds of shops and vendors and you get to meet so many different people and experience so many different things, it's so cool. over the shops and buildings are decorations and long cloths and banners that are colored in so many different ways, and they provide shade on hot days and sometimes the colors reflect off of the buildings and the ground so everywhere you go you're engulfed in bright and beautiful colors as you walk through the streets.

you can find a lot of different shops there, and they usually have huge portions of their products on display so you can pick and choose personally and serve yourself on what you'd like to buy. people who sell spices or nuts have HUGE bags of them and you get to grab a plastic kilo bag and fill up as much as you'd like. people who sell candy and gummies do the same thing, so you get to choose however much you want to fill up your bag. my family almost never is able to eat gummies where we live because it's not halal, so whenever we're in palestine we fill up kilos upon kilos of gummies in bags so we can take them back home and eat them :)) my uncle says the gummies they sell in palestine aren't halal either but whatever man where is the whimsy 😔😔 let us have this. the last time my dad went, he came back with a kilo bag of gummies after i asked him to bring some when he returned, so for months i kept the bag of gummies and slowly ate them. i finished the bag a while ago but i loveeeee gummies and whenever i find ones i'm allowed to eat, i'm very excited about it. i cannot escape my inner child.

there are many refreshments that you can find too. in the summers lots of vendors sell ice cream and slushies (as most places do, i assume) and different juices, one of them is 'tamar hindi' which is a drink you'll often see around ramadan and eid. there are stores that sell different pickled vegetables in barrels, and they'll even let you take some out directly and eat them so you can taste and choose which ones you prefer. of course there are lots of food places, but ohhhh my god there was one shawarma place in nablus that i went to that had the BEST shawarma i've ever eaten in my life. like by FAR it was one of the most delicious things i've ever eaten in my entire life and i'm not exaggerating. i yearn for a shawarma as good as the one i had in nablus. wallahi it was genuinely mind blowing. yall don't understand how good it was. i cry and sob over it all the time.

you can also find lots of clothes!! from our traditional palestinian abayas to modern t-shirts, you can find tons. a lot of the stuff that is sold in palestinian territories is bootleg, because real brands are hard to find their way in through the occupation. because of that, some of the more "modern" stuff is really low quality. i bought a belt from the old city and only was able to wear it once before it literally crumbled in my hands. it CRUMBLED. for 50 shekel too 😭😭😭 absolute shame. that's why i think it's more reliable to buy the traditional stuff, like tatreez designs, because at least that stuff is actually real.

there are jewlery shops too!! they're full of gorgeous designs and you can often find evil eye jewelry in a lot of places. i absolutely love the evil eye design and i have a lotttt of evil eye jewelry. some muslims disapprove though, but whatever. i just think it looks nice. i like its meaning too. interesting stuff to me.

palestinians use different types of currencies too!! we often use the israeli shekel, but that's slowly becoming out of use 🤷‍♂️ but we also use the jordanian dinar, and we even use american dollars, usd, to buy stuff.

OH LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE KNAFEH SHOP !! nablus is famous for knafeh. we're like. THE knafeh city. there's a very VERY famous old white-bearded man who owns the famous knafeh shop of nablus and you can almost always find him every day making knafeh. his place always has a huge amount of people there, watching him as he makes the knafeh right in front of them and then serves it out to everyone. genuinely THE knafeh of all time. him and his knafeh are a very cherished part of our city.

i'm sure there are MANY more things i can go on about, but i hope this was interesting to you! thank you for asking :)

[beansprean]

My Familiar's Ghost part 13

Follow your dreams Nadja

Masterpost

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Nadja is sitting at a thin wooden desk, hunched over a silver laptop. She is dressed in a dark red bustle skirt and bright red satin shirt with high puffy shoulders and a high folded collar. Her hair is pulled half back with a red ribbon and she has on several rings along with a thin gold chain. Behind her, Ghost Guillermo phases through a wall and shouts, "There's my laptop!" Nadja startles, hands freezing on the keyboard and gaze jerking up over the top of the lid. 1b. Reverse shot over Guillermo's shoulder as Nadja turns her head around, hands in fists on either side of the computer and recovering from the scare. The laptop screen is indistinct but appears to be some kind of login page. She snarls, "Guillermo, don't you have something to clean?! Instead of fucking sneaking up on me like a...sneaky...sneaker!" Guillermo ignores the question and furrows his brow, asking "What are you doing?" 1c. Reverse shot facing Nadja as Guillermo float up beside her. She smiles and gestures to the screen, explaining "I am going on the Only Fans so humans will pay moneys for my boobs and holes. Sweet Jenna told me about it." Behind her, Guillermo's eyes widen at the screen and his shoulders hike up in shock, face turning a spicy Catholic red. 1d. Guillermo throws himself over the table and slams the laptop shut, shouting "No, no, no, no, no, no! Not with my laptop!" Nadja pulls her hand back from the keyboard before it closes on her and hisses at the back of Guillermo's head, complaining "Hey!! You are dead! You don't get to keep your things!"

2a. Guillermo hugs the laptop to his chest protectively, turning his torso away from Nadja and floating up out of her reach. Nadja, as if forgetting she can also fly, swipes at him angrily from the ground, her hand passing through his backside. She yells, "Give it back you nosy little vlákas!" Guillermo yells back over his shoulder, "Use your own computer!! What do you even need money for, the house is fixed!" 2b. Close up on Nadja on an intense red background, arm still raised from her grabbing attempts. Her lip is lifted in a sneer but her eyes are shining vulnerably as she snaps back, "So I can be successful again!" Close up on Guillermo, expression softening in concern as he meets her gaze over his shoulder. 2c. Guillermo floats back down, laptop tucked under one arm. Nadja turns her back on him and crosses her arms to hide her upset expression. Guillermo gently tells her, "Nadja...it wasn't the money that made you feel successful. It was the nightclub. Nadja snaps back, "Who said anything about my stupid dead nightclub? It's gone forever now." 2d. Nadja hunches in on herself further, face crumpling as if she's upset herself at the reminder. Guillermo attempts to place a hand on her shoulder in comfort, but it phases right through. Face full of sympathy, he says, "I know, I'm sorry. Look, you can...sell your boobs and holes all you want if that makes you feel better, okay? On your own computer. Or... I don't know, get a hobby?"

3a. Close up on Nadja in the foreground, expression gone skeptical. She one eyebrow and sneers, "A hobby?" looking unimpressed by the suggestion. Behind her, Guillermo drifts upwards thoughtfully, eyes on the ceiling and laptop hugged to his chest. He replies, "Yeah, like gardening or knitting or-" 3b. Reverse shot from Guillermo's shoulder. Nadja whips around, hands on hips, expression angry and incredulous as she shouts, "Do I look like a bitch who knits?!" Guillermo keeps his eyes on the ceiling, thinking "yes" to himself. Out loud, he replies, "Crochet, then, I don't know! Just make something you can be proud of!" 3c. Waist up shot of Nadja as Guillermo phases out of a wall to the left. His parting words are "Trust me, it can help." Nadja looks away with a frown, holding one arm by the elbow protectively, but she appears to be contemplating something. /end ID

[hangesdarling]

housepet — h.zoë

PAIRING. Hange Zoë x fem!reader (Kakegurui AU)

SYNOPSIS. Being a housepet in Hyakkaou Academy was a hellish life until you met Hange.

CONTENT. 18+, implied abuse (from a side character), make-out session, peeping, mentions of masturbation, fingering

WORD COUNT. 1.8k

A/N. hearing rei batsubami's voice from the anime gave me ideas... lots of them...

The room grew heavy after the loss was announced, the game facilitators just looked upon the man clutching tightly on his last few chips. He had his face buried in his hands before grinning menacingly.

He turned to Hange on the other side of the poker table and said, "I have a proposal.”

Hange was playing on a few chips before gently shoving the poker chips towering in front of them to get a good look at the man. They knew these types of pathetic gamblers. Making a proposal to pay off their debt to avoid being a housepet. Hange glared at him.

"And what is that? Hange asked, still toying with the chips in their hand. The man knew that one wrong word would get him into a worse situation.

He looked over and signaled over to you, your head bowed down as you approached him. He harshly tugged on your housepet ID until you were kneeling where Hange had a good view of you. You winced but knew better so you stayed quiet. For a moment, you looked back at Hange's face. What stood out was their handsome, androgynous features, their eyepatch, and their single eye met yours before you bowed your head lower, missing the concern behind their eye. 

The man petted you in the head as he said, "I'll sell off this pet to you in exchange for my debt. Do whatever you want with her. She's quite smart."

"You know housepets are not to be sold." Hange's glare grew, their disgust at this maltreatment evident. 

The man only laughed before saying, "You're too kind, Hange-san. You know you can do anything to housepets, right?" 

He eyed you over before saying, "And there are much worse things you can do than selling them." 

This caused your insides to crawl, remembering all you had to endure with such an animal– that filthy disgusting monster.

You grimaced before turning your head aside just to get him out of your periphery. As you turned, Hange caught a glimpse of the bruised side of your face. Their hand unconsciously clenched on the table. A few minutes passed and the man endorsed you like a toy, but Hange heard none of it as they were thinking hardly. The man ran out of words but found hope when Hange glared at him for the last time before saying, "Fine. I'll take her." 

The next moment, you found yourself being helped to stand up, a pair of strong arms gently pulling you up. Your knees tingled and grew numb from how long you were kneeling and almost fell over but Hange was quick to grab your waist. 

"Sorry," you muttered in shame as Hange remained holding you in the hallway. 

They only said, "No need to be sorry."

The next minute you found yourself in their bedroom, and were told to sit down. A tear slipped from your eye as this was the queue for someone new to tell you to undress and lie down or do something much worse. 

Your hand reluctantly went for your loose blouse but Hange immediately stopped you before saying, "No need to do that."

You shut your eyes tight, expecting the worst, and gasped when you felt something cold being pressed on your cheek. 

Hange held a cold compress by your bruise, kneeling before you as they asked, "Did he do this to you?" to which you nodded in silence. 

You heard them mutter a tch under their breath before pulling something from the drawer for an ointment they cautiously spread over the bruise. It felt cold and soothing against your cheek.  All their actions made your hand pound, it felt so long ago since you were treated with kindness. You couldn't help but tear up which Hange gently wiped down and reprimanded you because tears might wash off the ointment. 

"Lie down and rest. It looks like you need it," Hange said and was about to leave the room before you tugged their hand back.

"There must be something I can do for you,” you told them.

You saw their lips curl in a small smile and patted your head before saying, "Sleep. Get some rest. That's my command."

They then left the room and shut the door close. 

You crawled onto the warm sheets of their bed, sinking in the softness. A sigh escaped your lips as you cuddled their pillow. Hange had been so kind. A part of you was overjoyed and another part doubted whether they were planning something else twisted. After all, all that you knew about Hange Zoë was they are the smartest gambler at Hyakkaou Academy. You drifted off to sleep with Hange on your mind. 

Later that night, you stirred awake and found yourself in between Hange's arms, their hands wrapped around your stomach as their head rested on the crook of your neck. You stilled, and if you could silence your breathing, you would have. Hange was fast asleep, the quietness of the night allowed you to hear and feel their heartbeats. It must be midnight already. Your body relaxed on their arms as you thumbed over their arms. You were about to close your eyes when Hange sat up and withdrew immediately as they noticed you were awake. 

"Sorry. That was rude of me to hug you like that," they muttered, head turned away. 

You squeezed their hand and pulled them back to bed, "It's alright..."

It must be your welcoming nature or Hange's desire to be close to someone that prompted your relationship to escalate. They did their best to be a gentleman, always looking after your needs and such, even apologizing when they got touchy. However, you knew they couldn't hide their desire much longer when you decided to kiss them that one afternoon after a successful game. They pulled you by the wrist and shoved the both of you into an empty room, probably a storage room being cleared up. Moments later, they have their hands all over you, pinning you against the wall as they pressed deep bruising kisses on your neck. 

"You're not making this easier for me, you know," they managed to mutter, their teeth ripping off the loose buttons of your uniform. "Kissing me like that... you know you'll get in this kind of trouble, right?" 

Their face was dusted pink, their heavy eyes set on having you as sweat rolled off their temples. They buried their face back to your neck, wanting to hide their arousal from you. You held their head in place as they suck on your neck, gently nipping on the skin. Their hand slithered under your shirt, their thumb gently circling on your breasts. 

"I... I couldn't bear seeing you touching yourself when I knew I could be doing that for you..." you muttered in heavy breaths. Despite Hange's efforts to be subtle, they couldn't escape from your observing nature. 

"What else did you see...?"

"I know you're peeking when I'm dressing. Pervert," you chuckled slightly. 

"Sorry..." they muttered shyly on your neck which earned them a chuckle.

They removed the housepet ID from your neck and tossed it across the room, never to be seen again. 

"You won't be a housepet anymore after this," they vowed as their hands unbuttoned the rest of your shirt. Their gaze went back to your eyes. 

"I'll free you. Be a gambler again. Take risks with me," they said intently. Hange saw your hesitation, maybe even the fear to gamble again. But they knew your potential, you listened to their statistical theories and even added effective ideas of your own. It can't be that bad, right? 

"Are you sure...? If I lose and become a housepet again, I can't repay you..." 

"That won't happen again. I'll take care of you from now on, alright?" they reassured you. Their hands toyed around your skirt.  

"Tell me if you want this," Hange looked back at you. "I'll still free you no matter what your answer may be."

"Oh, you silly, you know the answer to that..." you muttered as you kissed them again, sucking on their neck and chest to which they inhaled sharply. Their hands hiked up beneath your skirt, gasping as they felt the lack of underwear beneath. 

"Surprised?" you smirked and kissed their cheek.

"Did you do this on purpose...?" they grinned. 

"I'm not wearing anything under my clothes whenever I'm with you," you whispered teasingly in their ear. "I guess you're not peeping hard enough to know that."

They gulped down their arousal and only responded by kissing you more aggressively. Their fingers teased your inner thighs, before tracing a strip off your slick cunt. They attached their lips to yours, muffling the moans erupting from you as they teased your folds with their digits. After a few seconds, you felt their fingers curling and pumping against you in a way that drove you to the edge.

It was fascinating to know that Hange was such a talker during sex. They would whisper how good and warm you felt, how your kisses and touches felt, or how long they've wanted this from you. Sometimes you kiss them to shut them up as their voice is louder than your moans. But there was one thing Hange said that surprised you.

"Give me all the names of the people who took advantage of your housepet status before, and I'll make sure they'll become housepets themselves for as long as it gets them to follow a cruel life plan."

You sensed the intent of their voice. They are at this point of infatuation where they might even ask you to marry them after this. You only kissed their lips in response and said, "Don't bother with them. It's not worth your energy."

They pumped faster into you, drilling into your insides with their fingers, hitting that spot that drove you crazy. You bit on their shoulder, a hand clawing on their back as they pinned you steadily on the wall.

"As of now, I'm insane enough to do whatever you want," Hange muttered on your neck. "Wouldn't you like that?"

You didn't manage to answer as your abdomen tightened, your hips bucking on their own against their fingers as your release came sharply. You bit down on their shoulder once again as they held your hips and helped you through the last few seconds of your climax. You shivered as they went down to clean up the release off your thighs before kissing you again. Hange lets you lean onto them, arms around your back so you won't fall off.

"I think you can answer now, sweet girl," they said moments later after kissing down your exhaustion and remnants of arousal.

You held them tighter and said, "All I want from you right now is to get me to bed so I can please you in return..."

Hange laughed softly, a thumb swiping on your lower lip.

"I assume you'll get this pretty mouth of yours to use, hm?" Hange smirked to which you nodded.

They quickly fixed you up and carried you outside, promising you a long night before getting you back to their room once more. 

likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated, sweethearts <3

[alittlefanatic]

hello! would it be alright to request something for a reader who really looks up to howdt as a sort of father figure?

idk man, i collect fictional parental figures like pokemon, welcome home happens to be my latest obsession, and YOU happen to be my favorite fan writer for said obsession, so i figured id ask- no pressure though! college is rough, and i want you to take care of yourself!

I'm going to cry qwq THANK YOU SO MUCH! That means the world to me that I'm your favorite! I never thought that I'd be someone's favorite writer awawawaw.

🐛 Howdy Father Figure Headcanons! 🐛

Child Version

🐛 Howdy LOVES to hold you and pick you up! You are just so tiny and small!

🐛 He would love to give you head pats and even ruffle your hair! (If you are ok with it of course)

🐛 Got a boo boo? He will be right there by your side like a frantic parent! "Are you hurt? I have cute little butterfly bandages! Let's get you cleaned up!"

🐛 He will hang all of your crayon drawings throughout his Bugdega! He wants to show off how creative and how proud he is of you!

🐛 If you knock over a stand at his Bugdega: "It's alright bug! Are you hurt? No? Ok good.. mistakes happen, don't be upset! What do we do when we make a mistake? We clean it up! See? It's better! Mistakes make us feel bad but they don't define us!"

Teenage Version

🐛 He would have you work in his store! "It helps build character and understand responsibility better!"

🐛 With that being said though, he also helps you define your boundaries!

🐛 "You don't want to work on Saturdays and Sundays? Do you need the day off to rest and work on things? That's ok! Thank you for telling me! Let's work things out if we need to~"

🐛 If you are wanting to sell anything, he will help you put up a little stand in his store! He's your biggest supporter and will personally send out your work to other neighbors to get them interested to buy!

🐛 This man has absolutely no idea how to drive a car (mainly because he cannot fit in many, nonetheless drive) but he will try and guide you nonetheless! That is until he gets one of the other neighbors to help. He would get you a little 'beetle' car purely for the name.

Adult Version

🐛 He would absolutely cry at the thought of you moving out but he would help you 'spread your wings' if you did want to move, or at least have a place of your own nearby!

🐛 "My little bug is all grown up! I can't believe how fast it flew by...I'm so proud of you! Know you can always come back to your ol' pops ok? I may be getting older but I still have all these arms to hug you!"

🐛 He would let you take over the Bugdega if you wanted it! He would feel like you would do a phenomenal job.

🐛 If you don't though, he will be your number one supporter and will send you baked goods in the morning for your work as a courtesy gift!

🐛 If you move away, he would send you letters every week updating you about what's going on in the neighborhood and how he misses you and loves you, and that he's proud of you every day!

🐛 He is a very sentimental man, keeping every letter you write to him, or anything you've ever given him. Don't you ever think it wasn't appreciated, because he has a little area in his room dedicated to things from you.

I felt so bad that I haven't been able to write, I got a few more personal things to do then I'm completely free so expect more soon I promise! I'm so happy to finally be able to write more content for this fandom soon it brings me joy Be sure to get some water and a snack neighbor! Howdy would like you to take care of yourself 🐛

[five-rivers]

Sleeping Mask

AO3

For @modordracena @artichokebean @ventisettestars

.

The thing about created objects is that they have intentions.  A book is meant to be read.  A bed is meant to be slept in.  A knife is made to cut.  A door is meant to open.  

This, of course, extends even to objects not created by mankind.  A bird's nest.  A fox's den.  These things have meaning, purpose.  

This extends also to ghosts.  Perhaps, with regard to ghosts, it is even accentuated.  Imbued with the unlife of ectoplasm, an object with intention might also find itself with a measure of will.  

Danny knew this both experimentally and instinctively.  It wasn't only dead meat and vegetable matter that rose in the Fenton household, and Danny wasn't half ghost for nothing.  

The mask would have been suspicious even if it didn't remind Danny strongly of one of his enemies.  This mask wasn't exactly the same as Nocturne's, the features were rounder, softer, more delicate and generic, but there was enough similarity there for Danny to be on guard.  The color, the shape, the texture, the dark arcs that lead from the brow to the tip of the nose, the horns that cupped the sides and served as a place to tie on the long, wide, black ribbons…  All of them called back to Nocturne.  

Things like this were made for a reason.  Somehow, Danny doubted that reason was to decorate a pawnshop window.  

He made sure the lid on the thermos was tightly pressed down before going in.  The last thing he needed was for the ghost he had chased here to cause problems on top of everything else.

The pawnshop smelled musty and old.  A thick layer of dust lay on most surfaces, interrupted here and there by finger marks, handprints, and oddly shaped patches that were either clear or at least had a little less dust.  The only fully living creature in the store was the bored-looking college-age man manning the desk.  

There weren’t even any flies, as far as Danny could tell.

Creepy.  

Danny approached the desk.  “Hi,” he said.  

“No, we don’t have public restrooms,” said the man in a practiced tone.  “We’re not discriminating, they don’t meet the city’s requirement for them to be public because they aren’t wheelchair accessible.  File your complaints with the city.”

“Uh,” said Danny, who hadn’t even heard of that ordinance.  “No.  I was wondering where the mask in the window came from?”

“Hm?  I dunno.  Storage?  We hold onto stuff for a while before we sell it.”

Danny kept his comments about how unhelpful that was to himself.  “How much is it?”

“Mm,” said the man.  “Fifty.”

Danny rummaged in his pockets.  “I’ve got thirty and a candy bar.”  He placed the offerings on the counter.  “It’s full size,” he added, temptingly.

“I can see that.  I’m not supposed to barter.”

“If it makes you feel better,” said Danny.  “It’s probably haunted.”

“Wow.  That’s probably the first time I’ve ever heard that.  About anything.  Ever.”

“No, really,” said Danny.  “My parents are Jack and Maddie Fenton.  Here, you see this?”  He flashed the thermos readout at the man, hoping that he’d never seen one before.  “It says that there’s something haunted here.”

The man looked less skeptical.  

“I can show you my school ID if you’d like,” offered Danny.  “But I could call them if you don’t believe me.”

“Ugh.  Fine, whatever.  I’m not paid enough to deal with any of that.”  The man snatched the money and candy off the counter.  "Knock yourself out."

Danny nodded and tried not to feel too bad about the disappearance of his allowance.  He had a nefarious plot to stop.  Or something.  He took the mask from the window display and turned back to the counter.  

"Do you need to scan it or–?"

"Does it look like it has a barcode?  Just get out."

Danny didn't need to be told twice.  Which left him standing in the middle of the street with a cursed (?) mask. 

What the heck was he going to do with this now?  He frowned at the sculpted face, which was looking less and less like Nocturne the longer he looked at it.  It was too… young, he decided.  Sleeping an innocent kind of sleep.  

He could always hide it somewhere at home, but he had a feeling that would come back to bite him.  He could… give it back to Nocturne, maybe.  There was a certain kind of fairy-tale logic there that appealed to him.  On the other hand, Nocturne was a massive jerk with a habit of magically roofie-ing people, so Danny was, understandably, leery of going anywhere near him.  

He tilted the mask from side to side.  He’d thought that the whole closed eyes look was an illusion, like how mascot eyes were actually see-through, but he was beginning to think they weren’t.  Which meant that this mask had to be decorative… or maybe a death mask.  An unsettlingly large number of cultures had those.  Flying through a community in the Zone where those death masks had literally become the ghosts’ faces was always creepy.  

If it wasn’t meant to be worn, why have the ties?  

He flipped it over and looked at the back.  The darkness inside twinkled with stars.  Then it pulsed and lunged towards Danny’s face.  

.

Being an Ancient was wonderful, in many respects.  Power, riches, luxury, admiration.  Worship, even, and a smooth road both ahead and behind.  Oh, there were wrinkles here and there.  Dictators to overthrow, tests to be given, havoc to wreak.  But wasn’t it better that way?  Wasn’t life sweeter with a little salt?

Not that Nocturne would know about life.  

There was, however, one particular difficulty Nocturne could do without.  One problem that all of the Ancients had to deal with separately.  A weakness.  Anything and anyone so powerful had to have one.  For the Ancients, these were objects, tools, that contained enough of themselves and their power that, in the wrong hands, could be used to either siphon away their power or even control them.  

For Clockwork, it was the Key that wound his internal clock, currently and unfortunately in the hands of the Observants.  For Sojourn, it was the Map, kept safe by the ever-steadfast denizens of the Far Frozen.  For Vortex, it was the Barometer, which he had been bound to against his will.  For Undergrowth, it was the elemental Seed from which he had sprouted.  For Pandora, it was the Box around which so much of her legend had been formed, guarded jealously in her Labyrinth.  Nephthys was the only one of the Ancients who seemed to be an exception, but Nocturne suspected that she merely hid hers better.  

Nocturne’s weakness was the Mask.  A portion of his identity was bound up in it, and if worn by someone who knew his name, it would allow the wearer to take on his identity.  Among other, even less desirable effects.  

He didn’t worry about it terribly much.  He’d hidden it away in the human world, far from where anyone knew about him.  And even if someone did find it, the Mask was twistier, slipperier than the Key.  It had its own fully-formed will, and that will was not one that would easily consent to being used.  A wearer would have his own problems with the Mask, sure enough.  

At least, that had been Nocturne’s attitude about the situation until this very second of this very minute of this very day.  

He had been disastrously wrong about the ‘no one will find it’ portion of his assumption.  He had, further, been incorrect in his unspoken assumption that the Mask would not be changed by its long absence from his presence.  

But the unpleasantness of both those realizations paled in comparison to that of finding himself sharing a body with not one but two other consciousnesses, both familiar to him.  

The Mask giggled and, metaphorically speaking, leaned back, taking its hands off the reins now that the damage was done.  Meanwhile the boy, Phantom, whimpered and whined and futilely tried to pull the Mask off.  

Nocturne’s body, or what passed for his body under the circumstances, dripped and slid from the reverse side of the mask, its starstruck and well-sculpted glory reduced to that of thick, viscous, glittery goo, and constrained to remain on the boy’s skin, bound to the physical body of the Mask as much as boy was.  

Nocturne snarled at the Mask, reminding it of its true master.  In reply, the Mask tied its black ribbon in an elaborate bow on the back of Phantom’s head.  Unnecessary, considering its powers, but an obvious message.  It wasn’t going anywhere unless Nocturne made it.  

Very well, then.  He would.  

Somehow.  

Of course, the first order of business was to deal with Phantom.  

Limited or not, Nocturne still had his powers, and he threw some Phantom’s way.  The child hadn’t even noticed that he was no longer alone in his own head, but his panic certainly increased when he started to fall asleep.  Thankfully, that only lasted a minute before Nocturne had him smothered in mostly-pleasant dreams.  

Although, how long that would last was anyone’s guess.  Phantom had proven capable of both lucid dreaming and blindly finding a way past Nocturne’s powers.  

The Mask, meanwhile, radiated obvious disappointment.  Nocturne would have told it to get over itself, but he didn’t currently have a mouth and Phantom’s was well blocked by the combined forces of the Mask and Nocturne’s current form.  The same went for the rest of Phantom’s facial features.  Nocturne was glad, then, that he did not need eyes to see.  

He picked Phantom up off the pavement - only stumbling a little bit when confronted with the unnatural solidity of the body - and looked around, mentally sneering at the overly mundane and shabby street.  Of all the things he found incomprehensible about Phantom, the fact that he chose to defend such a drab and uninteresting place was certainly the most perplexing.  

Now, to business.  To remove the Mask, Nocturne would need access to his tools.  His tools were in the Ghost Zone, in his lair.  Therefore, his first act must be to access the Ghost Zone.  

Walking through a human city like this…  Nocturne raised one of Phantom’s arms and observed the way the inky, starry blackness of his body clung to the pale limb and wrapped around it.  No.  Nocturne did not believe this was a state that would go unremarked on, even if he could somehow disguise the Mask.  

How annoying.  Of course, he could simply become invisible for the duration of his travel.  It wasn’t as if it was hard.  He followed his thoughts with actions, and quieted Phantom again as he stirred.  

Now.  Where did Phantom lair?  Nocturne had visited it before; traveling through the portal made it difficult to avoid Phantom’s home, such as it was.  But he didn’t know where it was from here.  

The Mask continued to snicker.  

Nocturne would simply have to canvass the city until he came across something he recognized.  

He took off, flying slowly.  He didn’t want to miss anything, and he was unclear regarding what speeds Phantom could comfortably survive.  As much as he disliked the current state of affairs, he didn’t want to be stuck puppeting a corpse.  That would be disgusting and terribly gauche.  

But the use of his powers seemed to agitate Phantom, who strained against the dream Nocturne had so generously constructed for him.  The drain on his limited form tired him quickly, and he landed on the roof of a nearby skyscraper.  He still could not see Phantom’s home.  Had the child been visiting another city?  Had the building been changed somehow?  

His thoughts were interrupted by a blue-white portal forming only a few feet away.  

Ah.  Excellent.  The Mask’s escapades must have troubled time itself.  He turned to greet his old frenemy and fellow Ancient, Clockwork.  

But the being that came through the portal wore an expression Nocturne had never seen on Clockwork’s face in all his years of knowing the other ghost.  Rage, pure, simple, righteous, and barely contained.  

“Release him,” ordered Clockwork, raising his staff threateningly.  

In that moment, Nocturne recalled two very important things.  One, Phantom, despite most ghosts agreeing that he was an insufferable, incorrigible brat, was a favorite of Clockwork, Ancient Master of Time.  Two, Nocturne had taken great pains to conceal the nature of his principle weakness from his fellow Ancients, especially Clockwork, who was already compromised by the loss of his.  

As such, Clockwork and Nocturne were seeing two very different situations.  

And Nocturne could not possibly explain what was really going on to Clockwork via mime.  He leapt off the building.

A blue-white portal opened underneath him, and, for a while, he knew no more.  

.

Danny woke to the sensation of someone running their fingers through his hair.  It wasn’t a feeling he usually liked, but for some reason it felt very good today, and he leaned into it.  It was a strange contrast to how awful the rest of his body felt, especially his mouth, which tasted like something had died in it.

“Ah, Daniel,” said Clockwork, “you’re awake.”

That… was not normal.  He tried to open his eyes and sit up, but found himself unable to do either thing.  His eyes were pressed closed and his arms were pinned down.  He whined, deep in his throat, unable to do much else.  

“Shh,” said Clockwork, “shh.”  To Danny’s vague embarrassment, the reassurance did help.  “Daniel, you’re safe.  I’m taking care of you.  Do you remember what happened?”

Danny shook his head minutely, not wanting to dislodge Clockwork’s hands.

“You’ve been possessed,” explained Clockwork.  “I am attempting to remove the problem.  The medium of possession was a mask.  Do you remember the mask?”

This time, Danny nodded.  

“Good,” said Clockwork.  His hands shifted position, and now he rubbed the skin behind Danny’s ears.    “That’s good.  I know this must be stressful for you.  At the moment, I have you restrained because the beings possessing you have been trying to escape.”

Danny shuddered.  Beings?  Trying to escape?  He didn’t want to think about what these beings might want with him and his body.  Thank goodness Clockwork had found him.  

“But it’s alright,” continued Clockwork.  “I believe the measures I have taken will prevent them from exercising control over you, for the time being.  Unfortunately, the mask…”  He trailed off, running his finger around the rim of what had to be the mask.  Danny twitched at the odd sensation.  

“We may need to let them retake control to fully banish them, however,” warned Clockwork.  “But, for now, I thought a rest would be more beneficial.  Would you agree?”

Danny nodded again.  For all that he had been asleep, a break sounded like a good idea.  Especially if moving forward meant letting someone else control his body.

“Very good,” said Clockwork, hands returning to the top of Danny’s head.  

Somehow, it felt even better this time, and his core purred, low, shaky, and not quite catlike.  It was a recent development, his core doing that, and this was the first time it didn’t startle him.  

Overhead, Clockwork chuckled.  “Just relax, Daniel,” he said.  

Daniel did.  

.

Clockwork, Nocturne realized, didn’t just have some loose affection for Phantom.  He adored him.  Perhaps even loved him.  Certainly, he was possessive over him, using Phantom’s indisposition as a bonding opportunity, encouraging and engendering a helpless trust.  

Nocturne could respect that, if grudgingly.

Slowly, Phantom sank back into sleep.  Of course he did.  Immobile, eyes closed, relaxed… It would be more surprising if he didn’t.  

Nocturne’s control was abruptly switched with Phantom’s.  

“If you harm him,” said Clockwork, pleasantly.  “I will destroy you.”

Nocturne had no good way to respond, so he didn’t.  

“I will give you a writing utensil.  You will use it to tell me exactly how to remove Daniel from your influences.  Nod if you understand.”

Nocturne, not seeing what else to do, nodded.  

“Good.”  Clockwork freed one of Phantom’s limbs and put a pencil into it.  “Write.”

Let me return to my lair and I shall remove Phantom myself.

“Unacceptable.”  

Rarely had Nocturne seen Clockwork so blunt.  However.

I see no reason to cooperate with you, then.  Eventually, you must release me, for the sake of the boy if nothing else.  

A nasty, thin smile raised the corners of Clockwork’s mouth.  “Is that so?  Will you still feel that way when I tell you that I can imprison both of you within Daniel’s psyche indefinitely?  Perhaps I would not be able to remove you, but you would have no control.  Daniel would not be pleased with that scenario, but he would adapt.  I myself would not be opposed to Daniel residing in my lair on a semi-permanent basis.  So.  Think carefully.”

If Nocturne had a face at the moment, he would have scowled.  

Very well, he wrote, this is what you will need to do.

.

Danny woke up slowly, his eyes fluttering open but not really registering what they were seeing for several minutes.  Then he realized he was seeing and sat up.  Tried to sit up.  He was being held quite firmly in Clockwork’s arms.  

Clockwork smiled down at him.  “How are you feeling?” Clockwork asked.  

“Better,” croaked Danny.  “You saved me.  I thought you couldn’t do that.”

“Not usually,” said Clockwork.  “But when another Ancient has interfered, I have slightly more wherewithal to act.”  He lifted Danny’s chin with his fingers and tilted his head from side to side.  “I was afraid of that.”

“Afraid of what?”

“That particular variety of control occasionally leaves traces,” said Clockwork.  “Think of it as being somewhat similar to exposure to radiation.  Even when the source of it is gone, the effects linger.”

“What did it change?” asked Danny.  

Clockwork smiled and released Danny’s chin.  “Nothing you need to worry about terribly much.  You may have a bit of glitter in your skin from now on.”

Danny made a face.  “Being possessed by… Nocturne?”

“It was Nocturne, yes.”

“It gave me the glitter plague?”  Danny started rubbing at his face.  

“Hardly a plague,” said Clockwork.  His smile fell away.  “You will let me know if you feel any internal changes, won’t you?”

“Is that something I have to worry about?” asked Danny.

“Hm,” said Clockwork, putting the tips of his fingers on Danny’s chest, right over his core.  It started to purr.  Loudly.  “Perhaps.”

“That doesn’t count.  Does it?”

“Not particularly,” said Clockwork, wrapping his arms around Danny and forcing him to lie back down.  

“I should probably go home… It was getting towards the end of the day.”

“I’ll make sure you get home on time, whenever you want to go.”

Danny sighed.  “Okay,” he said, snuggling closer.  

“You’ll have sweet dreams from now on.”

“Huh?”

“Consider it rent from your erstwhile roommates.”  

[fuck-customers]

I had the absolute FUNNIEST customer interaction my entire career tonight (9/3)

The date is relevant!

So, a guy comes up trying to buy beer. He opens up with a strong: "You are the most annoying dumbfuck that works here." First of all, funniest comment I've ever heard working here. And I've had some funny weirdos come in, like the lady who was convinced I work for Satan himself because I didn't "talk enough".

Anyway so I say to him, literally, "why are you here then." No response. He just stares at me scowling. So I scan his beer and ask for the id and he was born in 2003, in August. He's 20. I look at him and I'm like, I tell him that. He swears that everyone else rings him up and every other store takes his ID. He swears he will call the cops and make them come over here to tell me that it's okay to sell him beer. First of all, no cop would ever waste their time with that shit and second of all, I'm allowed to refuse service to anyone I want to, and third of all, HES NOT OLD ENOUGH!!!

He INSISTS I scan his ID and when I do, it says it's expired. So I look and it expired the beginning of August. I tell him this and hand the thing back over to him because like, seriously, you're not old enough and your ID isn't valid either you're literally not getting the fucking beer. He's shaking and there's TEARS in his eyes and he storms out ranting incoherently.

Dude, the way I was laughing for a long time after that. That's in the hall of fame for me.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[yua-nism]

I saw your tags and I’m now very intrigued like what do you mean yuhan has the SHORTEST TRAGIC BACKSTORY?!?! JUST WHAT IS GOING ON?? like granted I should have known a game about devil cat butlers would have some angst and tragic backstories but god damn 😭😭

there was a miscalculation on my part and yuuhan's is in fact, not the one with the shortest backstory! however that's only because the others have yet to have their backstories be revealed. sorry for the late answer btw, exams have made me pretty tired.

ok so ill briefly explain a bit. this ties in to the requirement to become a devil butler that is, having felt so much despair that one feels like dying. normal people will be swallowed up by the devils they contract with. the despair essentially acts like chains for the devil. so to talk about their pasts in the Briefest Way Possible (lie):

miyaji has beef with lucas on the surface but really it's because he still can't get over the fact that lucas decided to save him from the verge of death instead of someone else he thought was more capable than him while lucas simply chose to save miyaji because he had higher chances of living.

lucas was basically a child prodigy/genius. since young, he's always loved reading books, and even read thick books that even adults struggled to understand. even though he was lonely and had no one to talk to, he still endured it, skipped grades, and became a doctor at the age of 10+. at first he was looked down on for being young, but an older doctor stood up for him. eventually he became the leader of the doctors, but due to his lack of social skills, he struggled to communicate well, which resulted in the doctors hating him. in the end, all the doctors except lucas quit their job. and the group collapsed. (tbf id quit too... imagine being said you didn't work as hard as him and don't have as much brainpower compared to him as well)

ammon has only had his mom since birth and lived with her, selling flowers for a living. ammon would always make sure the flowers would be sold out at the end of the day for his sickly mother, but if he doesn't manage to sell all of them it's heavily implied his mom whips him like he does to himself even now. they were like super poor but ammon still loved his mom because he only had her

berrien has like this super mysterious past but rn it's starting to unravel in chapter 4. he's an orphan and got adopted into a church backed by the grovanas or whatever nobel family to nurture warriors who could fight angels, but surprisingly the church is actually full of love and was ran by someone who fighted angels named Goetia. berrien also met his soon-to-be older brother figure named Beren/Belen. btw all of the kids go by the last name Cliane because goetia wants everyone to become true family.

when berrien was 26 (Beren 29), goetia died from a chronic disease and Beren had to take on goetia's responsibilities. berrien became the one running the church, however shit happened, Beren got demonized, and berrien used his powers to keep Beren alive after forming a contract with his current devil. he's still residing in berrien's basement as of current, but in a coma. berrien still thinks he himself has no rights to be a butler and really does not believe that he's the one keeping the damn thing running

also the church got destroyed like 2400 years ago and yes berrien is 2000+ years old

haures was born into some wack ass family, his dad ran away with some other woman and his mom projected her rage and stuff like that onto haures, and his newborn younger sister Tricia. haures is 10 years older than Tricia. when he was that age, he ran away from home with Tricia (literal baby) because he no longer trusted his mom to take good care of them. after that, when haures was 18, he trained hard to become a soldier under the grovanas nobles so he could afford to let Tricia get treatment for her worsening vision. one heartbreaking scene was when haures showed off his red uniform to Tricia and she said the blue uniform looked good on him... but 5 years later, haures managed to get Tricia's eyes healed!!! surely nothing bad could happen!!!!

sike. haures caught one of the grovanas nobles illegally trafficking humans with some dealer, and arrested him. however that led to the seller getting revenge, and he decided to capture tricia. he stabbed her and threw her into the woods. when haures found her, she only managed to call out to haures before she died after a few breaths. haures was really really really devastated. he sought revenge on the noble, and while the noble didn't die, he was jailed 5 years for harming the noble (not death sentence because he was determined mentally unstable after losing Tricia.). after he got out of jail, he found the noble again and wanted to kill him, but he was reminded of how Tricia admired him for protecting the people and helping those in need, which stopped him. after that, he became a devil butler because of his proficient fighting skills.

lamli was forced to work at a circus by his mom at the age of 10, while starting up with simple duties, he decided to train to become a circus troupe performer so he'd earn more money for his complaining mother. its heavily implied he's abandoned by her and becomes a devil butler because of his nimble body. btw his mom said she never wanted to have lamli right in front of him. jesus.

fennesz was born into a wealthy happy family, and had an older sister. however his war general father lost a war against nobles, and the economy went into shambles. his mom remarried but even though their stepdad was nice, fennesz and his sister ended up strays on the street due to some reasons i forgot of. fennesz would get bullied by kids on the street because of his father's loss in the war, but his sister would always protect him, and they relied on each other for survival. she's very smart, as shown in the story. she also loves history, as she said, it can help people learn from the past. its heavily implied she is dead.

ok flure! flure grew up with his older sister and mother who both did ballet (can one of you have an actual dad for once?), and he also followed in their footsteps. however when he was a child he was bullied for liking stereotypical girly things, like playing with his sister's dolls, doing ballet and having long hair. even though he was laughed at for doing it, he still underwent strict training guided bg his sister and mother. he never found the courage to tell his sister or mom even though his sister could tell something was wrong (heard him crying at night). he still thinks he should be more courageous to this day and thinks he's pathetic. we don't know what happened to his family but they probably died.

i wanted to talk about boschi but i realized idk much about him apart from the fact that he only had his grandmother (who's actually a great caretaker for once!) and he was bullied for being a bookworm/nerd at school and had no friends. though he did actually beat those bullies up later for mocking his grandma when she wanted to take him back home. she didn't want boschi to fight but she said herself she was actually rooting for him when he was fighting LMAOOO love her for that

lono. ok so lono was really poor and had no parents, and he acted as the older brother for the younger kids living on the streets with him. he'd work as someone who'd clean up rubble from battling angels, which was a job that had unstable income since no one knows when angels are gonna appear. they were family basically. lono would rather starve than let his siblings eat less, and his love of cooking originated here because he loved seeing them happy from his cooking. we don't know what happened to them, but they're probably dead

nac was born into a rich family, and has a father, not sure if he has a mother, never mentioned at least. apparently the stein family was great at sales or trading or smth??? they're just some very rich and well-known name. however on his 12th birthday, his butler led him to the forest near the stein mansion, and revealed himself to be someone the stein family harmed. just as he was about to kill lil nac in shock, nac retaliated in defense. and when he realized, he already stabbed the man at his vital point. his dad appears out of nowhere and reveals that he knew this all along, and that the stein family is actually a long line of assassins with sales as their front personas. nac was trained to kill since then, and thought he'd never feel positive emotions again before he became a devil butler. he also has scars all around his body, probably from the assassin work he did.

lato and his non-blood related brother, Aleks I think? were kidnapped by people who wanted to train people to become angel fighters. however unlike berrien, this time it's just pure cruelness and literal torture. they were 8 when this experiment started. not only that, all the children were sold by their caretakers to this place, including lato and aleks' "mother", the head of their orphanage, who they deeply loved and believed in. when lato finally found a way to escape, almost half the children were dead.

and when he told the others, they told lato that they already gave up on escaping, including aleks. from, i suppose, all the suppressed anger and trauma, he burned the experiment facility down, leaving the other kids to die because he hallucinated that they wanted them to be burned so they could be free. after that, lato returned to the orphanage even though he knew the "mother" sold him in the first place. guess what the mother did! that's right she ran back into the orphanage when she saw him, locked the fucking door and told him to get the fuck away from her. and lato burned the orphanage down.

now onto the new butler trio!

teddy is the one with the most details in his backstory so far. when he was young, he Had a twin brother, and teddy was a far cry from who he is now. he was negative and gloomy compared to his brother, who was positive and talented, and people always favored teddy's brother more. but one day, his brother died protecting him from an angel, but since they were so alike people didn't know whether the one that died was teddy or his brother. and after grieving his brother, teddy decided to become him, and used his brother's name to live on as him so people wouldn't be sad, because "teddy" was the one that died. and that led to teddy forming his personality today. teddy is his actual name though, he started using it after he became a knight. he became a knight because he wanted to protect people from angels.

but during an attack by an intelligent angel, namely seraphim, one of the angels that appeared at the end of chapter 1 and also the major antagonist of the story, teddy's entire unit got killed. at the start of chapter 2.5, he recuperated in a hospital, however he kept terrible nightmares (reliving the massacre, and hearing the voices of his comrades asking him why he abandoned them and why he got to survive) and so didn't sleep at all. he eventually snuck out of the hospital to visit their graves, and then started wondering what the point of him still being alive is. he almost threw himself off a cliff before haures and aruji reached him.

hanamaru. ten years before the story, hanamaru was fleeing from something- he walked all the way from the east to the central, and collapsed in a forest. a nun found him and took him back to a church that doubled as an orphanage. however the nun soon fell ill and died, so hanamaru began taking care of the kids in the church after he was saved by her.

but 5 years later, the church was attacked by angels. he was away from the church when the attack happened, and when he came back, all he saw were angels flying away from the ruined church. only 4 kids survived. hanamaru had a breakdown, and kept kneeling and pressing his head against the ground, saying things like "i couldn't protect them", "i swear ill keep them safe next time", implying this is not the first time something like this has happened. he swore vengeance against the angels that day, that he would never forgive them, and himself. so berrien suspects that the 4 kids that survived were the people that kept hanamaru around. who knows what could've happened if they passed as well...

lastly (finally), yuuhan. at the age of 9, he trained to become a soldier of the sardeis family so he could protect his hometown, and made it after 3 years. he quickly rose up in the ranks, being a prodigy. in the main story, he started doubting his loyalty to the family after they attempted an assassination on the devil butlers. and he betrayed the sardeis family and fell into their trap when investigating forbidden records. he got thrown into jail by the head, and the head decided for his punishment, yuuhan's whole village and everyone he knew there will be burned and killed. he could only despair in jail. in the story, after his prison guard left after serving him food, yuuhan started crying. he called out to his father, his mother, everyone from his hometown, apologizing again and again, believing that it's his fault that they died.

after that, the head, fubuki, paid him a visit. fubuki beat yuuhan up, pushed him to the verge of death, but not grave enough injuries to die. yuuhan asked fubuki to kill him, but fubuki refused. he even says he'll force feed yuuhan till the day of his death execution if necessary. however, yuuhan was rescued by the butlers during his execution. (it took place in a forest with tigers. basically the death penalty is getting eaten by tigers) he became a devil butler after that.

holy shit. also im not typing Bastien's since you can read his backstory from the tls available here.

[fablesrose]

Ch 11 - The Ice Man Job

Series Rewrite Masterlist 

Pairing: Eliot Spencer x Ford!Reader

Description: With Sophie gone to find herself, the crew is out a grifter. This leads to Hardison getting a little cocky when clearing their client's name from a diamond theft.

Words: 7077

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room felt a bit empty with Sophie gone; I could tell Parker felt the same as she shifted across the couch, trying to fill the space during the briefing. Hardison stood at the front of the room telling us about Jim Kerrity who was in charge of Kerrity Diamonds. In his four years of being in charge, he’s run the business into the ground by living beyond his means with addictions and party expenditures. 

Eventually Hardison was getting annoyed with Parker’s shifting, “What? Why? What are you doing?” He asked her. 

“What?” She replied. 

“It’s distracting,” Eliot exclaimed. 

“The couch is feeling a little empty,” she explained, her voice a little distressed. 

“Eliot, sit next to Parker,” Nate said. 

“No, I’m sitting here!”

I turned to Parker from my curled up position on the edge, “I can try to spread out a bit, would that help?”

Her face scrunched in a frown, trying to think.

“Guys, guys,” Nate interjected, “We all miss Sophie, I… We just have to adapt.”

“I got this,” Hardison said, walking towards Parker, “Move, go. Bye, go.” He motioned for her to scootch to the center of the couch and sat next to her. “You happy?” He asked, only continuing in the briefing once she nodded. 

“Kerrity’s finances are a mess. Maxed out, maxed out, overdrawn,” Hardison explained. “According to the insurance claim, he stands to gain nine million from the armored car robbery.”

“A guy like this gets in over his head and the insurance policy starts to look attractive,” Nate summed up. 

“Hires a couple of thugs, knocks off his own truck,” Eliot said. 

“It’s a sweet payout, too,” Hardison admitted. “He gets the insurance claim, plus he still has the diamonds.”

“Mmhmm, and honest people like Joey take the heat,” Eliot finished. 

“The thing about this that people don’t understand is insurance fraud, it’s a lot of red tape,” Nate explained, “and with a big claim like this it’ll take a year before Kerrity sees any money. Bill collectors are not gonna wait around.”

“He’s gotta fence the diamonds,” Eliot said. 

“He can’t,” Parker stated. 

“What?” I asked, everything moving a bit fast. 

“His diamonds are GIA certified VVS clarity, all about two carats,” Parker rattles off, stealing the remote from Hardison. 

“That’s my clicker,” Hardison pointed out, annoyed. 

“Who stole the Polar Star?” Parker asked, raising her hand, “Who stole the Gem of Gibraltar? Damiani Raid? Me. I know diamonds, and our bad guy can’t fence those diamonds because stones that size have an ID number laser-inscribed on them.”

The screen zoomed in on a diamond to show this tiny ID number etched into the side, proving her point. 

“Like a stolen car. You’ve gotta clean the VIN before you sell ‘em,” Eliot concluded. 

 “How do you get that ID off?” I asked. 

“With a special laser,” Parker answered, “But only three guys can do it. Antwerp, Dubai, Tel Aviv.” 

“And as of right now, Boston. Right?” Nate said, standing in front of us. “Kerrity has to move his diamonds, so we convince him that we’re the only people who can make them clean enough to move.”

“Get them to bring the diamonds to us,” Hardison said. 

“And when he shows up, uh…” Nate paused, “Oh, Hardison, can you put the crime scene photos…?”

Hardison took the clicker remote back from Parker and put the photos up. The photo showed our client, Joey, sitting in the armored truck with a paramedic tending to his wounded shoulder. There was a man standing to the side talking to him, a notebook in hand.

“State police guy, Lieutenant Bonanno,” Eliot introduced the man.

“Yeah. So we drop Kerrity on his lap with the stolen diamonds,” Nate explained, “Lieutenant Bonanno drops the hammer. Our guy gets cleared, gets his job back.”

“Pardon me, but I don’t mean to stop the fun train,” Eliot interjected. “We’re out a grifter here.”

“I know who we can call,” Parker volunteered. 

“Now, we’re not gonna call Sophie,” Nate disagreed. “No, she has asked for space, and we’re gonna honor that. No. Hardison, Y/n, you are gonna be our grifters.”

Hardison leaned forward with a smile, “I’m listening.”

“What? No.” Eliot shook his head in disbelief. 

“Is it too late for me to pretend like I don’t know about,” I waved my hands around the room, “this whole operation?”

“Yes,” Nate answered me and Eliot at the same time, “Parker, you’ll be the roper.”

“What?” She asked puzzledly.

“Cute dress, heels, you’ll be fine.”

“Sure, I’ll be fine,” Parker whispered to herself. 

I looked at her and could feel the anxiety rolling off of her. I nudged her shoulder to catch her attention. Once she looked at me, I nodded reassuringly at her, “We’ll be okay, we’ll figure it out. You’re not alone, we’ll help each other.”

She nodded a bit more firmly, but I could tell she was still anxious. 

“Eliot, you’ll be the muscle,” Nate continued. 

A little while later, I found Parker hiding under the counter, talking to someone on the phone. I stood in the kitchen, quietly listening. It didn’t take long to figure out that she was talking to Sophie as Parker explained the situation to her. 

“I will not be fine,” she exclaimed, “I stabbed that guy with a fork!”

Well, I didn’t know that little detail. 

“Parker, Parker, relax” Sophie soothed, her voice softly coming through the phone, just loud enough for me to hear. “It’s fine. Listen. Go to Nate’s storage cupboard and you're gonna find a sexy little mini-dress and my emergency Jimmy Choos.”

“Jimmy who? You have a body in Nate’s closet?”

“Shoes, Parker. Didn’t I teach you any...? Alright listen, this is the important bit. Do you still have the Rosalind Diamond you stole in Perth?”

“Yes,” she answered. 

I huffed out a breath, I really shouldn’t be surprised.

“Wear it. The diamond will speak for you. You won’t have to say a word,” Sophie said. “This is the key to the grift. You just trust the character. Say nothing. Trust the diamond.”

“I can do that,” Parker relented. “Don’t tell Nate I called.”

“I won’t,” she reassured. 

Parker caught my eye as she crawled out from under the counter. I motioned that my lips were sealed which helped her relax a little bit. Now to see if Sophie’s advice proved successful.

Parker was able to keep her cool and lead Kerrity to the back of the bar where Hardison, Eliot, and I were waiting, playing pool. 

“No,” Hardison slammed his cue on the table once he saw them turning the corner. “Come here, what have I said? What have I said about new people, huh?”

I raised my eyebrow at Eliot at Hardison’s attitude and accent. He just rolled his eyes in response before he slammed Kerrity into the pool table.

“Hey, it's okay,” Parker said, “This guy works in diamonds. He wants to talk business or something.”

“Alright,” Hardison relented. “Lay the arms down brother. He’s cool.”

Eliot let him up with a shove. 

“You’ll have to excuse my bodyguard. He’s touchy. It’s ‘cuz he’s a mute. Alright?”

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at Eliot’s pissed off expression. 

“Yeah, well, my bodyguards don’t talk much either,” Kerrity responded, as three intimidating looking men entered the area.

“Well, looks like we found our armored car robbers,” Nate said through comms.  

I hummed quietly, noting the conclusion. 

Some dominance had to be established, some control. Hardison and Eliot saw it too, and after a look was shared, Eliot got one of the so-called ‘bodyguards’ into an arm lock behind his back, using him as a shield when another guard had drawn a gun.

“Going to shoot through your own man?” I asked the one with the gun. He had a look in his eye that said he was seriously considering it. 

His eyes flicked to me, a look of recognition noting that I was in play. “To be honest with you, I never liked him,” he said in a noticeable Russian accent. 

“Legit,” Hardison said. “Goon squad and all, isn’t it? Stand down.”

There was a tense beat before the Russian lowered his weapon. I stepped around the pool table and placed a hand on Eliot’s shoulder right as he released the man he was holding. My hand slid off as I stepped past him, perching myself on the table, placing myself more front and center. 

“Jim Kerrity,” he introduced himself. 

“You’re Jim Kerrity? Kerrity Diamonds?” Hardison asked. “Brother, you got it all last week.”

“The heist. Yes, that was me.”

“So, did you use these fellas here, or hire out?” I asked, making a show of examining my nails. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Eliot had closed the gap, ready to step in front of me if necessary. 

“We’re in the business, Jimmy boy. I can smell an inside job,” Hardison explained.

“So what do you do in the business, Mr…?”

 “I’m a thief.They call me… The Ice Man,” Hardison said with a smug smile. 

I rolled my eyes just as Nate repeated the name questioningly. 

“No, Hardison, you have to have a light touch. Undersell,” Nate said. 

“What kind of thief calls themselves a thief?” Kerrity asked. 

“An arrogant one,” I responded. I offered my hand to Kerrity, which he took just the fingers, and turned it with a slight bow of his head.

“Doesn’t matter, I have the reputation to prove it,” Hardison rebutted, annoyedly. “This is my assistant-”

“Annaka,” I cut in, “and I prefer ‘his more subtle associate.’”

Kerrity smiled, looking me up and down, “I don’t suppose you have a boyfriend, do you?”

Eliot took a half step forward, giving Kerrity the hint to back up. I simply gave him a tight smile, not answering his question. I did dress up a little bit, a blouse and nice pants. I wanted to look nice, but professional. The fact that he still felt the need to comment and shoot his shot made my skin crawl a bit.

“I’m sure you’ve seen my work in Perth. The Polar Star? Nicked it.The Gem of Gibraltar? Nicked it,” Hardison bragged, which pulled the attention back to himself. 

I looked to Parker who started to pace behind him as he continued to use her thefts for his reputation. 

“Then I shouldn’t be seen talking to you,” Kerrity concluded. 

“Right, right, right. Cause two criminals can’t talk business while shootin’ pool. Bitch of it is nickin’ ‘em’s butter…” Hardison trailed off. 

“Moving them is the issue,” I finished, “I’m sure you know something about that.”

“Yes, especially with those inscribed ID numbers,” Kerrity agreed. 

“There are ways around that,” I commented. 

“I got this laser, see,” Hardison continued, “Only one in the country, mind you. This thing, I had to bring over piece by soddin’ piece from Turkmenistan. It can scrub and ID clean off any diamond. Re-virginized.”

“And what kind of fee do you charge for such a service?” Kerrity asked. 

“Thirty percent,” Hardison answered. 

“Five percent.”

“Thirty percent,” Hardison reiterated.

“No way in hell.”

“That’s the discounted rate, brother. Cause anything lower than that is an insulted rate, cause it's an insult to me, savvy?”

I jumped in to even out the tension, “You said it yourself, Kerrity, it’s a very specialized service. If you can somehow transport your diamonds elsewhere, get someone else to do it, be our guest.” I slid off the pool table and returned to my spot on the end, grabbing my pool cue, “I will say, good luck executing that, let alone getting a better rate.” I began to rechalk my cue, not trusting myself to take a shot just yet. 

“You, uh, you ring me when you wisen up, hear?” Hardison said, writing his phone number on a napkin. 

Kerrity looked at the napkin for a moment before throwing it on the table, “Thanks, but no thanks, brother.” He swiftly walked away. 

The Russian walked up and grabbed the napkin carefully before walking away, following Kerrity. 

I let out a sigh in relief once they were gone. I finally leaned down and took a shot, hissing when the ball glanced off a corner, just out of the pocket. 

“Close,” Eliot commented before taking his own shot, sinking it easily, and moving on to the next one. 

“Why do I even bother?” I asked myself.

Eliot stepped up next to me, “You’ve gotta start somewhere, we’ll just have to practice more in the pub.”

“Hey,” Hardison cut in, “You can’t talk, remember?”

“Dammit, Hardison!” Eliot exclaimed, continuing to shoot pool, finishing the game quickly. He continued to berate him saying that it was stupid. 

As he shot each ball in, one after the other, I couldn’t help but focus on how he’d said that we should practice. The fact he wanted to do it together warmed my heart a little bit. As I started to imagine it, I couldn’t stop the image of Eliot looking at Mikel from the last job popping into my head. The image of Eliot’s blush when Mikel brought out handcuffs flashed before I fought it down. It shouldn’t have bothered me, it was none of my business. We were coworkers, friends at best. Still, I could enjoy the feelings he gave me and the moments we had together. 

Once Eliot sunk his last shot, he left the bar. I helped clean up before the rest of us followed him.’

“Ice Man?” Eliot asked Hardison once we got back to Nate’s apartment. 

“Hey, I put a lot of work into that character,” Hardison defended. “No, no, no, I bought new clothes, ugly as hell, too.”

“You got that right,” I whispered to Parker and she smiled at me. 

“This always happens when you go on the grift, Hardison,” Eliot said, “you go way too big.”

“You have to have some subtlety,” I commented.

“Yeah, Sophie told me to say as little as possible,” Parker explained, “let the character do the work.”

“When did, uh, Sophie say that?” Nate asked, walking down the stairs into the common area of the apartment. 

“A long time ago,” Parker said quickly, “maybe last Christmas. I don’t even think it was Sophie.”

Nate wasn’t quite convinced, but moved on anyway, straightening his tie, “I’m gonna go put more pressure on Kerrity. I want you guys to be on the clear-out. Ice Man, play it cool. That’s just an awful, awful name.”

“Genius,” Hardison tried to correct in his character’s accent.

“See?” Eliot said. “When you get in too deep on this, I ain’t bailin’ your ass out.”

“I don’t need you to bail me out. I’m the Ice Man.”

“Not. Gonna. Help.” Eliot emphasized again. 

I laughed at their expressions, clearly annoyed at each other. “Well, what’s done is done. Let’s just hope we can still pull this off. Even with Hardison’s accent,” I continued to laugh at myself as I retreated to my apartment.

It didn’t take long after Nate put some pressure on Kerrity as an insurance guy that Kerrity called Hardison to set up a meeting to see the laser at work. Parker, Eliot, and I drove to the lab where we were going to ‘borrow’ a laser.

Once we pulled up, Eliot was on the phone with someone, but Parker and I could only hear his side of the conversation: “I know. He’s driving me crazy. How, huh? I’m back up, they can’t rely on me. Alright, alright. Hey… thanks. Don’t tell Nate I called.”

“Who was that?” Parker asked. 

Eliot hesitated, “Cable company.”

Parker and I shared a look before I handed her the duffle bag from Eliot’s truck bed and sent them into the lab. Parker and Eliot went in and cleared out the lab with a chemical exposure evacuation, leaving it empty for our purposes. They set up a camera so Nate could see what was going on, and got ready for Kerrity’s arrival. 

I stayed in the parking lot waiting for Kerrity to pull in. I timed my approach into the building to run into him and walk him into the lab. 

“Mr. Kerrity, so glad you could make it,” I said, meeting him just before the door.

He opened the door for me, “Pleasure is mine, Ms. Annaka.”

I led him and the Russian he brought with him through the hallways to the lab where Parker and Eliot were waiting. 

“Where is Mr. Ice?” Kerrity asked once we stepped inside. 

“He’s late,” Parker responded, “He’s always late.”

There was a roar of an engine outside. We all glanced out and watched as Hardison pulled up in a red Ferrari.

“Hmm. Subtle,” Kerrity commented. 

“While he walks in,” I said, “May I see the stone?”

Kerrity presented the diamond, “Two carats. Very few flaws, my salesman said.”

I pulled out a jewelry loupe, a type of mini magnifying glass, that I picked up somewhere and examined the stone. I found the ID number, though it was still too small to quite read it. I commented that I found it and examined the body of the stone. I had little to no idea what I was looking for, but I figured he didn’t either. 

I finally looked up at him, “It’s a good stone, Mr. Kerrity. It should do nicely.”

Just as I had said so, Hardison walked into the lab with smug grandeur, “The Ice Man cometh.” He gestured to the machine on the table, “Let me introduce you to my laser, Glinda. You see, I found that laser fluences below the diamond graphitization threshold are most effective. Wouldn’t you say?”

Eliot and I made eye contact and shook our heads when Kerrity and the Russian weren’t looking. He was doing too much.

“Yeah,” Kerrity hesitantly agreed. Clearly not knowing what the heck he said, like the rest of us. 

“The diamond?” Hardison asked.

Kerrity gestured to me as I handed the stone over to Hardison. I was tempted to make an ‘oops, I lost it’ joke, but knew that wasn’t wise, for both the tension and the character. 

Hardison examined it, “She’s a beaut. Sheila, get me a pop.” He didn’t even look at Parker when he asked which I could tell she didn’t appreciate, even through her hard neutral expression. 

“Because this will be classified IF, an internally flawless two-carat round cut diamond, it should be easy to oblate,” Hardison continued, placing the diamond in place for the laser. 

Parker was out grabbing a cubic zirconia from a neighboring lab to replace the diamond while grabbing that pop. 

“How is this gonna fool him?” She asked Nate.

“He’s not looking at the diamond, he’s looking at the ID number,” he responded. 

“ID numbers are etched at a depth between five and seven microns,” Hardison explained while the laser ran around the diamond. “Using nanoblation, the UV laser pulses irradiate the etching.”

Parker walked in then with an open can of pop and handed it to Hardison. 

“Thank you, sweets.”

Kerrity turned to me, “I haven’t seen you contribute much to this partnership.”

I smiled softly, nodding towards Hardison, “He likes to show off in front of new clients, I don’t mind being more behind the scenes.”

He hummed curiously before turning back to Hardison who was taking the diamond out of the machine. I saw Hardison’s switch of the diamond for the cubic zirconia, only because I was looking for it. He handed the fake stone over to Kerrity to examine. Kerrity took it and looked it over with his own loupe. 

There was a tense moment when Kerrity looked at Hardison before he said, “It’s like it was never there.”

“I could do the rest in a day, but I’m only here for another week. I’ve got a thing in Antwerp.” 

“Alright,” Kerrity said, “let’s, uh, let’s do it tomorrow?”

“Done.”

“Excellent. Mr. Ice, Ms. Annaka.” Kerrity then left the lab with his Russian companion close behind. 

“Alright, nice work guys,” Nate said through comms. “Tomorrow, when he shows up with the diamonds, the state police will be there.”

“Why, so they can arrest Hardison’s ego?” Eliot asked as we exited the building. 

“They better bring some extra large handcuffs,” I laughed. 

“Be cool, baby. Ice cool,” Hardison replied. “Hey, who wants to go for a spin?”

“Can’t believe you rented a Ferrari,” Eliot said. 

“Rented?”

“I’ll get a ride home with Eliot,” Parker said. 

“Maybe some other time, Hardison,” I responded, “I’m kinda tired, gonna lay down in Eliot’s back seat.”

Hardison scoffed, “Y’all are just jealous,” but we were already crossing the parking lot. 

I did just what I said I was going to when I crawled in the back seat, leaving Parker and Eliot up front. I had to curl up a bit, but it was decently comfortable on the worn seat, making it soft.

“Hey, you alright?” Eliot asked once he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, I think I was just stressed, and now that this is almost over-” I yawned, “I’m just a bit tired is all.”

Eliot adjusted his rear view mirror a touch so he could make eye contact with me through it, “Well, ya did good. You deserve some rest.” I could feel the sincerity, even through the mirror and sunglasses he was wearing. I smiled and nodded at him, silently thanking him. 

Parker then turned and reached a hand towards me which I took with a squeeze, “Yeah, look at us, being grifters. I didn’t even stab anyone!”

“I’m proud of us, Parker,” I said, squeezing her hand one more time before taking my hand back and curling it next to me. My eyes then closed of their own accord, the steady hum of the engine lulling me, if not asleep, away from active wakefulness. 

Eventually we got back to the pub and Nate and I’s apartments. I slightly stirred when Eliot turned his truck off, but I couldn’t quite wake myself up until he placed a hand on my shoulder, calling my name. His hand was warm, the gentle movement slowly pulled me out of the slumber I had slipped into. I admit I was slow to move, but Eliot and Parker were patient with me until I got to my door. I trudged through my entry way to my couch, my limbs were heavy, as if I had been physically working all day for the past week. I must have been tense, holding all the stress in my body, for the past two days, trying to be natural and convince Kerrity of our legitimateness. 

Oh the irony.

I collapsed on the cushions, letting out a sigh in relief. If all went to plan, tomorrow I wouldn’t even have to play a character. It would all be in the police’s hands then. 

It didn’t seem like I was out for very long when Parker was standing above me, practically dragging me off my couch. 

“Did I forget to lock my door?” I asked, still waking up.

“No,” she responded simply. 

“What’s going on?”

“Hardison got kidnapped by the Russians.”

“Oh.”

We walked through the door to find Eliot angrily shoving an earbud in place, “Tell Hardison if he makes it out alive, I’m gonna snap him in half.”

“Uh, Eliot says hi,” Nate said, apparently into the comms to Hardison. “So what’s the plan there, Ice Man?”

I pulled my own earbud from my pocket and put it in, just in time to hear Hardison explain it, somewhat tactfully in the midst of… company. 

“Just so I’m clear, you want me to help break into Kerrity’s vault and steal his diamonds?”

“Oh, beautiful,” Nate commented. 

“So, what you’re sayin’ is we’re gonna explode through the ceiling of a tunnel, use a det cord and climb into the vault through the floor?”

“Det cord,” Eliot honed in. “That’s how they blew the armored truck.”

“Exploding through the floor will set the sensor off,” Parker said. “Tunnel’s a terrible way in.”

“Hardison, you’re gonna tell ‘em their plan won’t work,” Nate said. 

“Tunnel is a horrible way in,” Parker reemphasized. 

“I heard you Parker.”

We listened as Hardison relayed the news, which didn’t seem to go over well with the Russians to the point where Hardison had to commit to getting them in the vault. 

“Oh, yes. Of course you will,” Nate said, “Now listen. Hardison, you’re gonna have to figure out a way to buy some time so we can get you outta this. Yeah, get busy.” Nate then took his earpiece out with frustration. 

Nate was typing on Hardison’s computer for a little bit before he eventually said, “Guys, guys, I can’t make any sense of Hardison’s files.”

I gestured to it, pulling the computer a bit closer to me, sorting through files to see if there was anything I recognized. 

“Do you think you can…?” Nate asked me. 

I shook my head, “No idea, probably not.” I had helped Hardison out with some of his technical stuff a time or two, but he did most of the heavy lifting.

“You can’t track him,” Eliot pointed out, “he’s the one that does the tracking.”

“Well maybe he left it on,” Nate hoped. 

“Unlikely,” I said, sorting through more files, all of them encrypted. 

“What if we tell him to make a run for it?” Parker suggested. 

“They’ll kill him,” Eliot answered.

“Well, if he goes along with their plan, they’ll get arrested,” Parker pointed out. 

“We gotta find another way for Hardison to break in,” Nate concluded. 

“We need a closer look at the vault,” Parker said. 

“I’m working on it,” Nate said. 

Parker held a small can to us, “Hairspray, you’ll need this.”

“Let me ask you a question, man,” Eliot said. “If Hardison helps these Russians steal the evidence, how are we gonna prove Kerrity set up the robbery?”

“I’m working on it,” Nate stuttered. He gathered his clipboard and papers needed for his insurance agent persona. Parker handed him the can of hairspray; Nate took it and waved at us, “Do not call Sophie.” Nate then dashed out of the apartment, supposedly to Kerrity’s shop. 

I worked for a little bit longer on Hardison’s laptop, trying to find anything that could help, but  every time I thought I was close to cracking into something useful, I hit a dead end. I sighed, I would have to have Hardison teach me some of this stuff with his systems in case something like this happened again. When I was just about to give up, Nate got to Kerrity’s shop, and a notification popped up that a connected camera was in use. I cast the video onto the large screen in the living room so we could see what he was doing. 

Nate had a camera pen directed at Kerrity’s vault to gain more information, mostly for Parker, and for Hardison to relay to the Russians to pretend he knew what he was doing. 

“RGB keypad, let me see,” Parker said, “Move the camera to the left… No, vault left. Alright, then you have to do this my way. Remove the sensor while keeping the magnetic field intact. You are going to need a four inch by four inch aluminum plate, double sided tape, and a phillips head screwdriver.”

I slumped into the couch, watching Parker analyze the vault and listening to Hardison relay the information to the Russians. Eliot stood next to Parker, his focus as sharp as ever. The truth of the matter was, everyone here knew at least something that might help Hardison, but I was still stuck dead in the water. I watched, trying to learn.

Kerrity kept listing more safety features inside the vault: pressure sensitive tiles, two cameras monitored by a twenty four hour guard and Kerrity himself, seismic sensor, heat sensors, and motion sensors. This was becoming more and more difficult by the minute. 

“Hardison’s not gonna be able to do anything if the heat sensors are on,” Eliot said. 

“Nate, use the hairspray,” Parker instructed. “It creates a film that blocks the heat.”

Nate distracted Kerrity long enough to follow through. Then Kerrity told Nate about the security fog that fills the room after the alarm goes off; this fog makes visibility zero. To make matters worse, it would be triggered by any one of the other sensors.

“How bad is it?” Nate asked quietly once Kerrity was out of earshot. 

“There’s no way Hardison’s gonna be able to break into that vault,” Parker said matter-of-factly. 

“What is Hardison going to do?” Hardison asked, without the accent, so he must be away from the Russians. 

“Hardison is going to pretend to break into the vault,” Nate said. 

“Well, hopefully the Russians will only pretend to kill him,” Eliot replied. 

“No one’s getting killed,” Nate assured. “We’re gonna break in for him.”

The three of us just sat staring at each other, lost in our own thoughts, waiting for Nate to get back to explain what he was thinking. I could see the wheels turning in Parker’s head, going through all the steps to break into the vault. Eliot had a tenseness about him, whether that be anger or concern, I couldn’t tell. 

“We’re gonna do this quick and dirty,” Nate said once he got back. “You guys break into the vault before Hardison does, so the Russians think that he’s doing it.”

“Why not?” Parker said. “He’s been taking credit for my work all day anyway.”

“Then Hardison will lead the Russians into the vault a few paces behind him,” Nate concluded. 

“Hey, I got something,” Parker said after messing with Hardison’s clicker. The screen showed the security camera feed to the front of Kerrity’s store. Kerrity was showing a fancily dressed woman around his store along with all of the jewelry in the cases. 

“Hardison must have hacked into the security feed before he left,” Eliot said. 

“Well, well. I’m just gonna have to keep Kerrity out of his own vault,” Nate said, staring at the screen. 

We all then loaded up to go save Hardison. 

Once we arrived, Nate knocked on the door of the shop first. Kerrity quickly dismissed the woman with him, saying that he would meet up with her later, and let Nate in.

“This had better be important,” Kerrity said when he opened the door. 

“Yeah. Can we talk somewhere private?” Nate asked, stepping into the shop.

I then walked in, just catching the door before they went to his back office. 

Kerrity was surprised to see me, “Annaka?”

I smiled, obviously flicking my eyes between him and Nate. “Hello, Mr. Kerrity,” I said cautiously. 

He caught the hint, “This is Mr. Sterling with the insurance company, he came to discuss something with me.”

“I hope I’m not hindering something here,” Nate said as he shook my hand with a sickly sweet salesman voice that he’s been using. 

I shook my head, “Not at all.” I looked to Kerrity, “I don’t mind waiting, finish your business with Mr. Sterling.”

He nodded and brought Nate into his office.

Eliot was at the door just as they turned the corner in an armored truck company uniform with a cart. The guard buzzed him in just as I got to the door to open it for him. The guard came down with some paperwork for Eliot, assuming he was there for delivery. 

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he whispered to me as I held the door open for him to walk through more easily. He then turned to the guard, “Yo, yo. Late night man. Is there a register I’m supposed to look at?” Eliot was there at the dest with the guard by then and quickly knocked him out. “Sorry, buddy,” he said as he walked by.

I walked to Eliot and the guard, helping tuck him out of sight and out of the way for the rest of the night. 

“Okay Parker, you’re clear,” Eliot told her through comms, “come on down.”

She had perched herself on a ledge next to the security camera facing the street, holding a photo of an armored truck on the street for the guard’s benefit. I could almost feel her joy as she came down with her rig. I quickly let her in so she could get to the vault. I then stationed myself in the security room watching the cameras. I was out of sight and out of the way for the essential gears of the operation, but still in the shop if I needed to lend a hand somewhere, namely keeping Kerrity busy.

Nate was talking to Kerrity about his insurance policy and discrepancies that may deny his claim, trying to keep him occupied for as long as he could. So far, he was successful. Hopefully he could keep it up. 

Meanwhile, Parker was working on the vault, getting it cracked and ready for Hardison. 

“This will hold them together,” she said softly as she placed the aluminum plates on the vault. 

“Electric’s faster,” Eliot said as he handed her a screwdriver. 

“Vibrations will set off the seismic sensor,” she replied simply. 

Eliot shook his head and returned to the front of the store. 

Parker continued to work on the vault with quick efficiency. It was interesting to watch through the camera as there was no hesitation in any of her movements. 

It didn’t take as long as I had hoped for movement on the outside camera to catch my attention. A big black van pulled up in front with Hardison and the Russians hopping out of it. 

“Here they come,” I said.

Hardison reiterated it with his own quiet announcement, “Eliot, approaching the building. Approaching the building.” He then switched to his accent for the Russians, “Wait here, right? Gotta handle the initial break-in myself. Too many cooks and all.”

Eliot buzzed Hardison in when he banged on the door. They then proceeded to act out Hardison beating up Eliot. I winced, but was impressed at how realistic it looked when Eliot threw himself to the ground. Hardison continued to ‘punch’ Eliot for an extended amount of time while the two argued. 

“Next time,” Eliot said, “I’m playing the thief!”

“I’d like to hear you do an accent,” Hardison said. 

“I’d like to hear you do an accent,” Eliot replied.

“I went to Second City in Chicago.”

“You find time between that and karate at the Y?”

“You know what? Just shut up. Shut up.”

“Shut up,  guys,” Parker said calmly, trying to concentrate on the vault. 

She was able to get in when Hardison and Eliot finished their act, Eliot acting unconscious and Hardison letting in the Russians. Nate continued to distract Kerrity, shifting to his second point, the bribe. So far, so good. 

Eliot joined me in the security room and watched as Parker hung on the inside of the door and leapt to a bar or pipe on the ceiling, preventing her from touching the floor and triggering the pressure tiles. 

“Stuck it,” Eliot commented in praise. 

“Indeed,” I agreed, impressed. 

Hardison made his way to the vault, making a bit of a show of taking steps to crack the vault. He put a stethoscope to the vault door to ‘pick’ the vault combo.

“Parker wrote the combination in invisible ink on the door next to you,” Eliot told Hardison. “She’s in there, but she hasn’t deactivated the floor yet.”

“So take your time on the tumblers. Take it slow,” I said. 

He was able to delay a bit by talking to the Russians. “Sorry?” He asked when the leader spoke up. 

“I said you’re really everything you claimed,” the Russian repeated. 

Hardison shrugged, “If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.”

“Yes, you are. Yes, you are,” the Russian laughed. “I’m sorry, just a saying. English, very tricky.”

Hardison went back to the tumblers. 

“Hardison, slow down. You’re breezing through that combo, like, way too fast,” Eliot said. “Parker, what’s your ETA?”

“Not ready yet. Floor is still hot,” she replied. 

Eliot and I shared a concerned look. 

“Nate, our timing’s not gonna work out,” Eliot said.

Nate, of course, couldn’t answer as he was still keeping Kerrity busy. That was quickly reaching its end though as Kerrity wasn’t taking the bribing narrative that Nate was selling. 

“Parker, get a move on. Nate and Hardison are way ahead of you,” Eliot said. 

“The floor is clear.”

“Nate, Parker is still in the vault.”

The Russians were pressing Hardison to get in the vault, and he wasn’t doing a very good job of stalling. 

“I need sixty seconds,” Parker said.

“Well, can you turn invisible in sixty seconds? Cause they’re bustin’ in there,” Eliot replied. 

“I’m gonna go slow Hardison down, buy her some time,” I said, walking out of the security room. 

“Y/n-” Eliot tried to say, but I was already gone. 

I walked the hallway towards the vault until the Russians and Hardison came into view. Hardison was just about to open the door when I called, “Ice!”

The four of them turned to me, the Russians clearly not happy. I suddenly took a hard swallow, I might not have thought this through. 

“Annaka? What are you doin’ here?” Hardison asked, looking a bit relieved at the distraction.

“You think I wouldn’t find you? We had a plan when it came to situations such as these, you are undermining your reputation from a business perspective! Who is going to work with us now if you just keep stealing their stuff?” I said it all quickly and with exasperation. I could hear my own nervousness, and I hoped that the distance I kept between myself and the Russians wasn’t too suspicious. 

“I’m sorry, hun,” Hardison said, “But this was an offer I couldn’t refuse, I’m afraid.”

“Yes,” the Russian said, “Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a job to do.”

They turned back towards the door and away from me.

“Parker?” I whispered, not sure how else to hold them. 

“I’m clear,” she said. 

“Fine!” I said to the men in front of me, ready to make my leave, “But I want nothing to do with it!” I then turned on my heel and left the room, hearing the vault open behind me.

I heard Hardison say, “Don’t worry ‘bout her. She won’t do nothin’. Let’s get this done.” 

I went back to the security room where Eliot was watching the security feeds tensely. “How’s it going?” I asked once I stood next to him.

“Fine, thanks to you,” he said, “But that was reckless. Those Russians could have done somethin’ to you, could have killed you.”

I let out a shaky breath, “Yeah, I realized that once I got there.”

Our work here was done, so Eliot and I made our way out of the shop into the tunnel below for the final escape. 

“Guys, uh, Kerrity is on his way down there,” Nate said when he wasn’t able to hold him in his office any longer. 

Hardison was able to distract the Russians with Kerrity’s arrival long enough for Hardison to slip into Parker’s hiding spot, one of the large lock boxes. Parker blew a hole in the floor, dropping the two of them into the tunnel below where Eliot and I were waiting. This, coincidentally, also set off the seismic sensor and the security system. Who knew?

“Det cord,” Eliot explained simply to Hardison as we helped them up from the floor. 

We then made our way out of the tunnel to fresh air and freedom. Nate was waiting for us at the end of it.

“Thought we couldn’t use this tunnel,” Hardison said once we were out.

“Tunnel’s a horrible way in,” Nate replied, “but it’s a great way out.”

Once we were back, we reviewed what happened through the video feed Hardison had hacked. Hardison left the lock box with the diamonds tactfully open for when the police came to respond to the tripped alarm. This helped Lieutenant Bonanno find them; and with Kerrity reporting that his loose diamonds were stolen, this might as well have been an open and shut case. The matching ID numbers would just be the nails in the coffin. 

We were able to clear our client’s name and score him some cash from the swiped diamond we got after lasering off the ID number. As usual, this called for a celebration in the pub while Nate shared the good news with the client. 

Parker, Eliot, Hardison, and I all sat at the corner of the bar, it becoming a usual spot. Hardison turned back to the bar laughing after seeing the happy look on our client’s face.

“What are you smilin’ at?” Eliot asked. “You still screwed it up.”

“I’m smiling cause you said if I got in trouble, you wouldn’t help me,” he responded. 

“Parker made me,” Eliot excused. 

“No, I didn’t,” she denied. 

“Come on, man. Let’s hug it out,” Hardison said.

“I’m not hugging it out, Ice Man.”

“Just hug it… Just a little man love.”

“I’m not hugging it out with you.”

They went back and forth before Hardison forced himself onto Eliot in one of the most awkward hugs I’ve ever seen. Parker looked almost just as uncomfortable, but I just chuckled at them. 

Eliot eventually freed himself from Hardison’s grasp and stepped away from the bar. He stepped over to where I sat and said to me, “I promised you some pool practice, do you wanna go?”

I nodded, smiling at Parker and Hardison before turning fully to Eliot, “Yeah, let’s go.” I slid off the stool, standing next to him for a moment. 

He placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me towards the pool table at the back of the pub. His hand sent warmth through me, even as he was still grumbling about Hardison under his breath. I came to the conclusion that no matter how he looks at other women, Mikel, or anything else that may come up, I can still enjoy these moments with him. The moments where he’s comforting, protective, and now, when he just wants a bit of escape, and he could find that in me and playing pool, no matter my skill level. 

It might mean a little to him, these little moments, but they meant something to me, and that is all that really mattered.

A/n: Reblogs and comments are welcome and encouraged! Thank you for reading!

Tags: @instantdinosaurtidalwave @kniselle @technikerin23 @kiwikitty13 @plasticbottleholder

[sadnessisavegetable]

Spam Call - A Transformers Short

In which Optimus learns about spam callers and decides to try and enter into the chaos ring the humans and Wheeljack have going to answer them. (The characterization may not be completely accurate, but I wanted Chaos Prime himself to activate for everyone to see.)

Jack groaned as his phone started ringing, hoping it wasn't his mother. He took it out, only to see the unknown caller ID on his screen. He snorted, smirking down at it for a moment.

"Miko, you called dibs on this one. Here." Jack tossed his phone to her and they cackled before answering on speaker phone.

"Helllooooo you have reached alien tech support, how can I assist you in deciphering human technology? Is it a language problem? Is the screen too small? Do you need to order a new keyboard?" Miko chirped into the phone.

Optimus watched with veiled curiosity as Miko paused, listening to the phone. The telemarketer sputtered for a bit before managing to speak.

"I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number."

"Oh, that's alright. You will have an agent with you soon to erase your memories of this number since you don't need it! Remain stationary, if at all possible. Thank you, human!" Miko giggled before hanging up. They tossed Jack's phone back.

"What was that?" Optimus found himself asking.

"We have this annoying thing that happens...uh...spam callers or telemarketers. Their thing is either staying silent, being AI, or wanting to sell things. Miko got one that wasn't a dud just now, on Jack's phone. Our challenge is usually to just spout the most unhinged crap at them to get them to leave us alone." Raf explained, a slight smile quirking into place.

"We usually call dibs when we're together." Miko added, her grin holding so much mischief. "Wheeljack has answered one of my spam calls once to mess with them."

"Can confirm. I did a spiel in Kalius at them and then waited. They hung up pretty quickly." Wheeljack chuckled. "Might try Vossian next if I get the chance. Maybe Prax."

"Oh my Primus, Wheeljack! Why did you do that? We're trying to stay secret from as many humans as possible!" Ratchet scolded.

"What? Sometimes Miko answers in Japanese! I had to see how fun it would be with some of our languages." Wheeljack defended himself. "Plus, Tolkien was crazy enough to invent a new language so there."

---

The first spam call that Optimus was allowed to answer was on Agent Fowler's phone. It was a late night, Fowler was napping on the couch as Optimus was working on the last bits of paperwork and grumbled as he opened and held the phone up.

Optimus calmly spoke in the language only Primus' chosen could easily speak. It sounded a bit like music to the ear, except too mechanical. He calmly asked if the spam caller was looking for religious freedom through the Highest.

The telemarketer tried to ask a few questions, but Optimus only spoke in that Primacian language in reply.

Then the caller hung up.

Optimus grinned a little to himself and straightened up as Fowler resumed his nap on the couch, going back to doing paperwork.

Ratchet looked as though he'd gotten whiplash from that and Optimus shrugged a bit at him. Ratchet decided to go lay down for a while after.

---

The next time Optimus took a spam call was when everyone was present.

The children watched with interest as Optimus delicately pressed the button with a thin stylus as he balanced the phone in his massive hand before clearing his throat and going on a wild tangent in the Kaos language.

The language of Kaon was one that he wasn't quite as fluent in, but he got the point across that he was very "irritated" and very "willing to hunt people down". When in reality he was just angrily reciting a recipe for chocolate chip cookies.

Arcee's eyes widened and she started to laugh a little. Bee looked almost bewildered as Optimus shouted.

The caller had hung up midway through and Optimus started to laugh a bit as he realized.

"What was that?" Raf asked with awe.

"The recipe for chocolate chip cookies that Optimus had translated over to use for this. He planned this, kids. I need you to know that." Arcee cackled. "He used the language of Kaon just to yell the recipe for chocolate chip cookies at a spam caller."

Miko started to laugh in disbelief.

"The Prime has a sense of humor, wowww." Wheeljack commented.

"Welllll...let's say I didn't quite grow out of mischief completely." Optimus—or was that Orion just now saying hello?—hummed with ease, passing the phone back to Raf.

Miko giggled a bit and started to think about what pranks they could talk Optimus into. Jack and Raf looked as though they were concerned about her plotting.

"So I wasn't hallucinating from lack of recharge." Ratchet commented grumpily. "Good to know."

Arcee seemed to sober up for a moment, if only to ask the question that everyone had now.

"What do you mean?"

Ratchet sighed heavily, glaring over his shoulder at Optimus, who gestured innocently for Ratchet to speak. The medic shook his head with slight annoyance.

"Optimus answered a spam call last night from Fowler's phone. He used the Prima language—which I don't even understand—to spook a caller into hanging up." Ratchet explained. Optimus grinned.

"I did." Optimus agreed before intentionally starting to speak it again. "It's a fun language to use so that no one can understand what I mean by anything."

Ratchet looked more annoyed. "Shut the actual pit up."

[grumelot123]

"I'm trying so hard to hate you." Good Omens, Crowley x Aziraphale (1/?)

Tw: Angst, foul language

(Angst at first then a happy ending) I am so sorry that this is so long.

This is all set, let's say 3 months after Season 2 Episode 6

Starting out with AZIRAPHALES POV!

Today has been one of the...longest days I've had being Archangel. and that's saying something seeing battling with not picking up that phone to call Crowley is an everyday battle that occurs.

Maybe today is the day I lost that battle.

Even if I wanted to call him, what would I say?

"Hey know I rejected you but want to forget all of that and just come to Heaven with me?" I'm pathetic. Can't even keep my own friend. Not even my friend but my best friend. Someone who I even could have called my boyfriend. Mine. But I threw it all away. To protect him. But he'll never know that. He wouldn't even give me the time of day. Which I'd understand, if I were him I'd do the same.

I just wish there was some way to fix this, to fix us.

CROWLEY POV AHAHAH WAHOO

It's been 3 months since...the thing.

He hasn't even called. Even if he doesn't like me, wouldn't he still want to be friends? Maybe he never wanted to be friends in the first place. He did kind of get stuck with me all these years.

I want to call him. But what would I tell him?

"Hey even though I told you I wanted it to be us and you come with me somewhere to get away from everything, and even though you rejected me, still wanna be best friends?" Maybe he's moved on. Actually made more friends up there. Forgot about me. I miss him so much it hurts.

I wish we could go back to normal. Our normal. Us.

AZIRAPHALE POV

Paperwork is officially the most boring thing to do anywhere and everywhere. I'd rather be fixing Armageddon all over again.

*alarm goes off throughout Heaven*

"What's going on?" I stand up and run out to see what's going on.

"Aziraphale! Something's going on down on Earth with the Antichrist child! He's becoming evil again! You stopped Armageddon once before? Can you go try to fix it again?"

I was J-O-K-I-N-G about the Armageddon thing.

"W-well I mean I'll have to try won't I? How much time do we have till, you know?" I know I'm stuttering and sounding breathless but first of all..the worlds gonna end. Second of all there is a chance that this could be an excuse for me to see Crowley.

"I'd say 5-7 days? We aren't sure what's going on, or what's got him mad this time. But when you go down it would probably be good you had some company with you."

"Thanks for the advice but I think I have someone in mind that'll be of some assistance" I practically ran out because 1. Saving the world. and 2. Crowley is going to need a lot of convincing.

Hope he still has my number?

CROWLEY POV!

I check up on Angels bookshop twice a week, for a few reasons. Hope, that he will return to me and understand. Worry, that something will go wrong and Muriel will sell a book. And Anger, that he left me. He left us.

Unfortunately for me I would go to hell and back for him literally and physically. Because I love him. I love Aziraphale.

*ring CALLER ID Angel*

"Speak of the fucking Angel?"

Uh do I answer? I mean I shouldn't but, I have to. for him. I'd do anything. Even if this is false hope.

"What do ya want? sUprEme aRchAngEl AziRaph-"

He cut me off. "Yea yea I know really funny and all but there's a problem. Like world ending Armageddon 2 problem? I need your help, where are you?" He sounded frantic and almost rushed. He's not lying about something being wrong but why is he asking me for help? Just because he knows I will?

"Oh. So that's the only reason you called me? Just because there's a problem and you know I'll do it? So that's all I am to you? A last resort?" There was a hint of hurt in my voice. Which is good because I was. I knew we ended on bad terms, but i didn't think..

I was interrupted out of my thoughts with an opening of a bookshop door, along with something almost like a strangled sob. It was Aziraphale.

"No..no Crowley I didn't call you because I knew you'd do it. I called you because you are the only one who can do it. Well do it with me. I can't work with anyone the way I work with you. You will never be a last resort to me my dear because you are the first person I'd go to."

He steps closer. My glasses start to fog up and I realize that I must have started crying as soon as he even called.

"You are my first choice Crowley. I've made wrong ones with you the last time we spoke. And even though these last 3 months have felt like indeed literal hell. It was worth it. Not because I didn't want to see you, but because I did it to protect you" He was still crying but he had mostly calmed down, his voiced had pretty much steadied. But as I thought more of myself I was sobbing, uncontrollably.

Protect me? That was the only problem? He was worried about my safety?

"S-so you like me?" Shit. shit. I just fucked it up, of course he doesn't. Why would he? I'm just a fallen ang-

"Crowley you're overthinking. I can tell by the look on your face. Nothing but the worst is going through your head. Look at me" He was worried. But he still hadn't answered my question. But still I looked at him. Looked into those beautiful eyes of his that I've tried so hard to forget. I swear I got lost for a moment.

He reached his hand up. At first it was to wipe off a tear. Then he went for the glasses. At first, as reflex I grabbed his wrist. But softly let go, waiting for his next move. He took my glasses off and slowly set them in his pocket, and he just looked at me, with a crooked like smile.

"How are you Crowley?" It was a simple question really, he said it so soft, so calm it was almost like a whisper.

"W-well you left me Aziraphale. If I'm going to be honest with you I am not okay. I'm tired, sad, and nervous. Tired, of restless nights not once getting a call from you. I'm sad because you have not reached out to me even once. But most of all I'm nervous, nervous that you've found someone else and will soon want nothing to do with me." At this point I was out of breath, I haven't talked to Aziraphale in months but here I was opening up.

"There's another feeling you have. Don't ask me how I know but I can tell, what else are you feeling my dear?"

And that's what did it.

"Hatred. I love you so much Aziraphale it hurts. Hurts so much I hate it. You leave my life so I try to forget you, tell myself it'll be a memory in the past but then you show up, months later, because everything and anything I've ever wanted and it just hurts. I'm trying so hard to hate you. But GOD AZIRAPHALE I just can't!" This time I let my anger be heard and even slammed my hands down on the table at the end for good measure. At first Aziraphale was shocked. But after not even five seconds...

He laughed at me. I had just poured my heart out to this Angel. My Angel. And he had the audacity to laugh at me?!? But what he said next..could have thrown my hatred away never to be felt again.

"Did you know that my favorite color is yellow Crowley?"

What the actual fuck?

"Well, yeah but why the fuck is this relevant to what I was saying?"

I was genuinely confused.

Silence.

Then he came over to me, lips almost touching, and he whispered.

"What color are your eyes Crowley?"

My eyes? Ther- Oh my, I'm a dumb ass hoe.

"Y-yellow?" I said breathing heavily, with Aziraphale being near me it was intoxicating. In the best way possible.

"Yea they are. Do you want to know why, even if you never stop trying to hate me, the reason I could never hate you?" He replied getting a little bit closer..I could feel the heat between our lips, just there..waiting for one of us to close the space.

"Why, no, what is the reason you could never hate me Aziraphale?"

I asked this question with the same amount of uncertainty as there was determination.

"That is because, my dear Crowley. I love you so much, that no matter what you did, said, or felt. I could never hate you."

Thats when he finally closed the gap between our lips.

At first, it was only a small kiss, to test the waters, but as soon as he figured out where I stood in this, he went in for as much as he could, refusing to come up for air. I don't think I have ever been kissed like this before, it was soft but comforting. But also at the same time hard and filled with love. It was like we were 2 teenagers that had no idea when to stop.

After what felt like hours, I was the first one to let up for air.

"We need to talk about this" As soon as I pulled away I already missed his warmth and wanted more but, we may have bigger problems.

"Yes of course, we have all but 5-7 days to talk all we want, but how about we talk just at the hotel?"

Hotel? Since when?

Armageddon. I was so caught with- nevermind that. We have a whole god damn world to save then we can worry about ourselves.

"Yes, yea the hotel. I'll get the car"

There was no way I was letting Aziraphale do this alone is there? Nah.

"Wait you're actually coming with?" Azi replied sounding genuinely confused with the whole situation.

"Well of course. You'd have to kill me to get away from you darling"

We may only have 5-7 days to live. Trying to stop Armageddon is not at all what I'd like to be doing. But if I'm spending it with my Angel?

Last days well spent.

PART 1 IS FINISHED!

Thoughts?