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#idk I know super vague post
rosicheeks · 1 month
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🤦🏽‍♀️🙃
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Promises Made on October 30th
title is the concept and summary bc i thought of the title before the concept of the fic. whoops.
warnings: implied abuse, alcohol is referenced and consumed but not in like a bad way (most of the time), no smut but there's one scene where they kiss and i describe it in a gross way for some reason and sex is talked about once or twice
word count: 3.6k
 Jake spent most nights alone. He had friends, sure, and plans most evenings. Dates with girls, parties to attend, and though he’d like to spend the rest of his life swimming in a fuzzy unconsciousness where he was only just aware of his existence, half passed out on someone else’s couch, dawn always sunk her rosy fingers into the horizon and one hostess or another was forced to give Jake a pitying look as they showed him to the door.
 My parents will be home soon, some would say, and Jake would leave with a bitter laugh. If he was lucky, he’d get to stay and help clean up. On the best days, he could sometimes sneak in a quick fuck with whatever girl was still around. 
 Most nights, though, he left before anyone had the chance to kick him out. He spent hours sitting on the floor of his living room, staring at the front door and waiting for them to come home. If he pretended hard enough, the pictures on the walls weren’t the most terrifying thing he had ever faced. Photographs from family weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, and award ceremonies all taunted him. His parents’ faces stared at him, scrutinizing every move as he trembled, cried, and broke down. Every sob echoed back like a bullet ricocheted off metal. He was sitting expressionless in the middle of a war zone watching soldiers (read: dreams) and civilians (read: his future) bleed out and die on the floor around him. 
 Despite holding onto the childish hope that things would get better, that the future held something more than loneliness for Jake Dillinger, there was still the undeniable truth that it wouldn’t. Jake was doomed. Life wasn’t going to be anything special for him—he was going to suffer and he was going to have to get used to it young. He hated his parents, himself, his girlfriend, his life, and his house. He wasn’t going to kill himself, he wasn’t a coward, but he wasn’t going to wake up every morning and fight to be okay. He was resigned to his sadness.
 Until Rich Goranski knocked on his door at 10 pm on September 17th and showed Jake that silence wasn’t the only thing that could exist in his house. 
 He didn’t wait for an invitation inside. The second Jake had opened the door, Rich pushed past him and into the kitchen. He wasn’t quite fast enough for Jake to miss the bruises on his cheekbones or the way he favored his right leg over his left. Jake cataloged the injuries and promised himself he’d ask about them later. 
 “The hell are you doing here?” Jake called after him, his tone tipping over the border between annoyed and concerned.
 Rich shrugged and settled on the kitchen counter. He seemed to only be slightly aware of Jake’s presence, more focused on the empty floor in front of him. His eyes were glassy in a way that suggested he’d already been crying and was done with it. Jake studied him, searching for his next move in Rich’s body language. If Rich looked like he was going to cry again, Jake could probably swoop in for a hug without being called gay. If he didn’t, Jake would probably offer a drink. Or a movie?
 “Stop looking at me like that,” Rich snapped. He was looking up at Jake, his eyes narrowed and lips pressed together, almost like he was challenging him. Jake flinched back, unsure of what he’d done to deserve such treatment. 
 “Like what?”
 “Like I’m a fucking math problem or some shit. I’m not. Just fucking talk to me.”
 Jake considered him. Though it was invisible to Rich, Jake could still see bullets and spears flying through the air as people screamed out war cries and fought with everything in them for land or oil or their families. Metaphorical war didn’t end just because a friend had shown up. Jake was always surrounded by imagined violence; always on the verge of fleeing. 
 “I don’t know what you want from me,” Jake answered. His voice was barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of a bomb going off in the distance.
 Rich forced out a bitter laugh and hid his face behind his hands. 
 “God, fuck, me either. I don’t know why I’m here. Just fucking distract me. Do whatever the hell you want.”
 Jake found his parents’ record player in the living room and hit play. It was the only thing he could think to do—why, he wasn’t sure. But Rich had said anything, so Jake did anything. Some song by The Police (god, the irony) drifted through the room, a byproduct of his parents’ last anniversary together in the house. Jake had long since stopped caring—it didn’t even hurt to know they’d danced in this room, laughed in this room, raised him in this room. 
 He turned back to Rich and was met with a small, borderline amused, “What the hell, Jake?”
 “You said I could do whatever I wanted.”
 “This is what you want?”
 “I dunno.”
 Rich laughed as he hopped off the counter. The sound was so pure Jake watched the blood-soaked carpets go from crimson to pink as the rain washed away the worst of it. A white flag waved in the distance. Rich swayed to the music mindlessly, still favoring his right leg. 
 “Dancing?” Jake asked, the single word enough to get across his message. Rich nodded as he took Jake’s hand in his own and pulled him in close. 
 “Why not? We’ve got nothing better to do.”
 So Jake learned about music and dancing and how small Rich could feel when Jake had his hands on his hips, fingers digging into his skin just to convince himself Rich was real instead of some fantasy made up as a coping mechanism for his parents’ leering memory. Silence wasn’t the worst thing to exist. Jake knew how to make it go away.
 Still, that did nothing to dispel the obvious and ever-painful emptiness. Jake could play record after record as loud as he wanted until he had every song memorized and could sing it from any room in the house, but it was still empty.
He stumbled into the kitchen, drunk and disoriented, his feet dragging across the tile floor. Each step was like wading through the ocean, sea monsters grabbing at his ankles and trying to drag him under. He gripped counters and walls to keep himself afloat just long enough for Rich to knock on his door and saunter in, his presence a song in and of itself. 
 Jake followed his every movement with every sense: his ears, listening to the sound of Rich’s footsteps. Taste: kissing the corner of Rich’s mouth—never his lips, Jake wasn’t gay, but close enough that he could convince himself there was something like love brewing between them. Touch: holding onto Rich’s hand, his clothes, his hair, latching onto the warmth of him to convince himself the air conditioner wasn’t too cold or the empty spaces too vacant. 
 Sight: looking at Rich and only Rich. If he only looked at his hazel eyes and dyed-red hair and, on the days when Jake was weak and scared, his lips, then the shadows in the corners of the room lightened into something manageable and the photos on the walls that functioned as the closest thing Jake had to family faded into… well, photos. Just photos. 
 Rich helped, but he wasn’t enough to make the emptiness go away until October 15th.
 He showed up in the same way he had before. Glassy-eyed, hurt, and willing to do whatever Jake wanted to make everything slightly okay for a little while. 
 Tonight, Jake chose balloons. 
 “You can’t be serious,” Rich groaned. He was on Jake’s couch, a glass of white wine in hand. Something imported from Italy, or maybe France? All Jake knew was that it cost four hundred dollars.
 Jake shrugged. “Isn’t Brooke’s birthday coming up? It could be for her party.”
 “This is literally just a fucked up coping mechanism, don’t pretend it’s anything else.”
 Jake sighed disappointedly and leaned back against the couch. He was on the floor in front of it, a pack of two hundred balloons in his hand. They were all different colors—some neon, some pastel, some black, and others white. He’d bought them on a whim at a Walgreens for twenty bucks with no particular plan. Faced with his barren living room, the only signs of human existence the expensive vases on the end tables and the overstuffed throw pillows, he’d decided he’d blow them up and throw them around just to add a splash of color. 
 Jake looked up at Rich. He was half asleep but tense, his face scrunched up and hands clenched. It’d been bad this time around. It hadn’t just been Rich’s existence that pissed his dad off—he’d done something. Probably something minuscule, like broken a glass or clogged the toilet, but it was enough that what was usually a couple of light bruises and a limp had turned to black and blue blemishes over his right eye and up his chest. His lip was busted and every breath seemed labored and painful. Jake, unsure of what else to do, ran his thumb over Rich’s pulse and whispered, “Please?”
 Rich opened one eye to look down at Jake. Amongst the annoyance and pain, Jake saw a flash of pity. Rich shifted uncomfortably. 
 “Fine, but I have at least two broken ribs so you’re going to have to accept the fact I’m only blowing up one or two of these.”
 “Of course,” Jake rushed out, his hands already fumbling with the packaging of the balloons. “I wouldn’t—if it hurts, you don’t have to. Obviously. Just—”
 Rich thoughtlessly threaded his fingers through Jake’s hair. Jake’s voice gave out. 
 “I don’t understand you,” Rich whispered, not even bothering to look at Jake. “You’re confident all day, and then the second it gets dark you freak out. I’m the same person I am all the time. I know you don’t want to hurt me. Calm down.”
 It was, of course, a trend Jake had noticed as well. At school, he could control his tone and inflections to the point he sometimes wondered if he was accidentally manipulating the people around him into loving him. Then at night, when his defenses were already broken down by hours of facing the empty, stormy seas that were his house, he could barely find it in himself to get out a sentence without stuttering. 
 He blamed it on the one lie Rich had told in his claim: that he was the same person. He wasn’t. There was something different about nighttime Rich that had Jake’s face feeling too hot and the silence turning into the sound of his heart beating circles in his chest. 
 “Sorry,” Jake replied softly, “I dunno why it happens. You make me nervous.”
 Rich raised an eyebrow. Jake shoved a purple balloon in his face and hoped that would be enough for the topic to be dropped. It was still too sensitive, still too in the early stages of development, for Jake to be prepared enough to vocalize the worst of it. Someday, maybe. Probably. Once he didn’t have Christine to distract him or Jeremy’s constant insults to scare him into suppressing every urge that didn’t perfectly line up with the picture everyone else had of him in their minds. 
 Rich took the balloon and started to blow it up. For Jake, the process was effortless. Rich struggled through it tediously, taking small breaths and wincing after almost every one. Jake hated to say that he’d originally interpreted Rich’s complaints as a joke, but his worry hadn’t really spiked until Rich choked out an awkward, muffled cough and pained groan. 
 “Do you need—”
 “No,” Rich breathed, “No, I’m fine. Shut up, Jake.”
 Jake turned back to his neon green balloon without a word. He’d blown up almost twenty by now, enough to coat half the living room in a thin layer of color. He thoughtlessly kicked one with his foot and smiled as he watched it hit a picture of his mother and uselessly bounce off. Smiling, he kicked another one. It hit a picture of himself as a child. 
 He turned to Rich to tell him—about what, he wasn’t sure. Kicking balloons? Hitting pictures of himself and his family? His coping mechanisms were getting more fucked up by the second—and was almost immediately paralyzed by… fuck, by Rich. Just Rich. 
 He was sitting crisscross on the couch, a balloon in his lap. He’d spent the last four and a half minutes blowing it up to just a little bigger than Jake’s head. It was still smaller than it was supposed to be but Jake wasn’t going to complain. It was physically impossible when he could barely get enough oxygen in his lungs to speak. It wasn’t that there was a crushing panic on his chest stopping him from breathing, it was something much brighter. There were so many butterflies in his stomach they were flying into his chest and choking off every inhale. 
 Rich’s lips were wet. That was really what doomed Jake. He’d previously been unaware that every time Rich removed the balloon from his mouth he felt the need to lick his lips, but now that Rich was focused purely on tying the balloon off and was giving Jake ample time to stare, Jake was forced to acknowledge the way his vision tunneled at the sight. The way his whole body seemed to go warm. 
 Jake turned fully to face Rich, the balloon in his hand completely abandoned in lieu of watching Rich stick his tongue out in frustration as he struggled to keep the balloon inflated while tying the knot. When he finally succeeded, he burst into a smile louder than any record Jake had played over the past month.
 Rich looked up, eyes bright, and faltered when he found Jake already staring at him. He cleared his throat as his face flushed red. 
 “Uh, hi,” he squeaked out. Jake wanted to scream. This was one of the differences that left him speechless. Daytime Rich would smirk and call him gay. This Rich just looked flustered. 
 “Hi,” Jake whispered back. 
 “Whatcha doin’?”
 Jake considered his response carefully. One song or another was playing softly in the background, the balloons were filling up the emptiness. Everything was kind of okay. Jake had nothing left to cope with. He just… 
 “I really want to kiss you right now,” he answered. Rich froze. 
 “What?”
 Jake got up just enough so he was kneeling, purple and green and red balloons gathered around his knees and feet and the coffee table his back was pressed up against. He leaned up so he was close enough to run his pointer finger down Rich’s jawline and nudge his nose against Rich’s.
 “You heard me. You can tell me to stop.”
 Rich remained silent. Jake thought he felt ocean waters rising around his waist, drowning his balloons and pictures in stormy salt water. So he did the only thing he could think of.
He kissed Rich like his life depended on it, because it did, and felt his heart start beating again for the first time in months when Rich kissed him back just as desperate and soft and messily. 
 Hands tangled in Rich’s hair, mouth open and his tongue practically shoved in Rich’s mouth, licking at teeth like they were nectar or ambrosia, he scrambled onto the couch, limbs slow and unsteady as he climbed over Rich and forced him back against the couch. He tried to get himself closer to his paradise, his respite, his island in the middle of the ocean, but all he got was a wretched screeching sound and the feeling of air-filled plastic against his chest. 
 He pulled away just enough for Rich to let out a small whine as they lost contact with each other.
 “Rich.”
 “Yeah?” Rich asked breathlessly, already trying to lean up and kiss him again. 
 “Get rid of the fucking balloon.”
 Rich’s eyes widened, almost comically so. Jake wanted to cry at the way that sent his heart into overdrive.
 “Yeah, yeah, right, hold on—”
 He threw it across the room. Jake found the balloons kind of useless now. He was so filled with giddiness and hope that he couldn’t even comprehend how anything could ever be empty. 
 Until October 30th. 
 Rich didn’t need to knock on Jake’s door or let himself in. Jake was at Rich’s house, banging on the door repeatedly, each knock echoing and panicked. He didn’t stop until Rich swung the door open, rumpled and half asleep. 
 “What the fuck?” 
 “I need to talk to you.”
 Rich glanced back inside—presumably at his dad—before nodding. 
 “Yeah, okay, lemme get changed and put on my shoes, then we can go.”
 Jake nodded rapidly. His mind was racing beyond what he could understand, landing on panicked responses before he even knew what had triggered his fight or flight. He didn’t stop moving even as Rich disappeared back into his house. His foot tapped against the concrete. His fingers picked at his nails and the fabric of his shirt and his hair. Curses ran through his mind like a broken record, repeated until the sound was imprinted on Jake’s brain. 
 Rich appeared and suddenly everything in Jake’s mind went silent. 
 “So… are we doing this here or…?”
 “My house. Not uh—” Jake glanced back behind Rich. Not near your father was the implied statement. Rich sagged with relief.
 “Okay, yeah. Let’s go.”
 Jake could feel Rich’s concern in his gaze. He was watching Jake’s every move as if preparing for something, like Jake was going to swerve the car off the road and into a ditch or shoot himself. It made Jake want to laugh. Or scream. Or cry. He was going to die. 
 He didn’t even make it back to his own house. It was only a six-minute drive and he only made it four minutes in before he pulled over on the side of the road and stormed out of the car, his whole body trembling. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed an escape from the cramped driver’s seat of his car. He needed the autumn air to stop him from overheating and the wide expanse of stars to talk him down from an anxiety attack. 
 Rich fumbled after him, too confused to be panicked and too disoriented to be calm. 
 “What the hell?! Slow down—”
 Jake halted and spun on his heel, eyes wide. They were by a pond with benches and a dock and a parking lot only twenty feet away. There were grills along the beach and a football in the grass. Jake almost screamed. Every sign of humanity felt like too much. If he was going to do this, he needed it to be in the middle of the desert or the empty expanse of space with no one but Rich around to hear his confession.
 No. Fuck it. He needed to do this now. 
 “I’m gay.”
 Rich seized up. He was only a foot away from Jake, close enough so when he finally regained control of his muscles, he was able to reach out and take Jake’s hands. 
 “Really?” he whispered, looking up at Jake with eyes that literally shone like gold or diamonds. Jake wanted to drown in it.
 He swallowed his shame, not caring that it burned at his throat, and said, “Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Not all the way. I like girls. But I like kissing you and I like boys and I… I just like you. All of you. All the way. I like you. I’m really sorry.”
 Rich broke out into a grin. 
 “Yeah?” he asked just for confirmation. Jake nodded again. 
 Rich jumped up into Jake’s arms, fully committed to getting as physically close as he could. He wrapped his legs around Jake’s waist and his arms around his neck and fingers in his hair and kissed him hard on the lips. Jake felt like he was at home for the first time in years.
 “Me too,” Rich said between kisses, “Me too. So much. So fucking much.”
 Jake smiled into every kiss, so ecstatic he could barely keep himself standing. He fell back into the grass whispering, “Run away with me. Forever. It’s terrible here. It’s so terrible.”
 Rich nodded in agreement and pressed a gentle kiss on Jake’s neck. 
 “They hate us and we’re gonna find someplace better. I have enough money. Just run away with me, please. We can go anywhere you want.”
 “Anywhere?” Rich asked. He sounded pained, like the word burned as it came out. Jake nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. 
 “Anywhere. Just promise me you won’t leave.”
 Rich smiled and kissed him again. 
 “I promise,” he murmured, “I promise you’re beautiful, I promise I’ll run away with you, I promise I won’t leave, I—”
 He paused. Dread burrowed itself like a bullet in Jake’s chest. He searched Rich’s expression for answers before Rich had the chance to start speaking again. 
 “Not… not tonight, though, okay? There’s something I gotta do first.”
 “Is it—?”
 “Don’t worry about it, Jake. It’s nothing. How about Sunday? Give me tomorrow to take care of things, then we��re gone.”
 November first. The day after tomorrow. 
 Jake could handle it. He’d host his Halloween party, break up with Christine, and tie up any loose ends he had left. He’d be gone before he ever had to clean up the hell of a mess his friends were sure to leave behind in his parents' house.
 “Promise?” he whispered.
 Rich nodded. 
 “Promise. I just need tomorrow.”
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robyn-goodfellowe · 1 year
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also sorry i know ive been incredibly autistic about twtt lately and like. im going to continue to be this is my blog i dont care LOL. but also im a little embarrassed. anyways i know theres a few people that have been reading since the original one in 2019 (or even the people that have been reading since the rewrite started!!) or OR honestly literally anyone who got to go into it blind. i really just want to sit them down and be like hey. what did you think was going to happen going into this. did you expect literally any of this
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dandyshucks-moving · 5 months
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woah rare other system part sighting lmao, here's a Guz drawn by not-Juno
#I was working with the base they laid out so I had to fudge some shit because they'd laid out the neck and shoulder weirdly RIP#like the head is too far over to the right lmao but I didn't feel like erasing a bunch of it to fix that#the hand behind the wrestling box corner thing is also goofed lmao#turning rbs off but Juno (Dandy is vaguely a cross-system name so it feels weird calling them that) might post the art later better#I don't know how they edit their photos but I think I maybe got close lol#this guys fun to draw tbh love a rough n tumble boy lol he's got the same body type as one of my OCs except Stasis is mostly a robot LMAO#dandyshucks#dandy doodlebugs#<- I'll add these just in case ig ?? idk Juno do what u want with this even if it means deleting it lol hope this is fine for me to post#ALSO THIS WONT BE A REGULAR OCCURRENCE LMAO I was just super bored tonight and happened to switch in during Juno drawing this guy#probably won't ever happen again lol#our drawing styles arent super different I think but also this is using a base they laid out so I would've done it differently lmao#maybe it is different though - apparently I'm not a good judge of shit like this bc they say I write and play accordion differently somehow#but I thought I was doing a pretty good job the other day of doing it like they do lmaooo but nah they said it was all noticeably different#I'm chatty tonight sorry lol been a hot minute since I've had any time in front but I'll scoot off now#💜so good at being in trouble
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latinokaeya-moving · 2 years
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i don’t actually know anything lore wise abt sara genshin impact bc the game clearly isn’t interested in doing her well either but is the fact that she’s like literally a full blooded tengu trying to navigate a mortal human society that is shown to have prejudices/biases abt youkai brought up like ever
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just-someone-online · 11 months
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ngl, the minute I'm up to date on G1 and G2, I'm probably gonna obsess over writing a crossover between all three gens
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whomturgled · 11 months
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yrkeby4ur8
#hi its personal post as tho tumblr is my diary in the tags while still being vague time bc my coping strats are failing me a little and#ig being able to essentially shout into the void is kinda nice like i cld physically write things down but i did a lot of that#already today w sssitnments and my fjfknging joints hurt so here we are!#ig theres also comfort in knowing someone somewhere probably read it. regardless of what they think/feel/the impression it gives them bc.#like. i exist! i guess? idk.#anyway that being said tw for talk of sh and upsettio spaghettio n stuff.#but yeah im like 🤏 close to relapsing with cutting or some sort of. idek.#and the only reasons im resisting are like. its been so long and itd be a shame to break that streak#which funnily enohgh mskes another part of me wana do it MoRE to like. idk. remember. and. punish ?? idk.#but we're ignoring him rn hes being a little too edgy.#and then bc it would feel like im being manipulative and ik if ppl find out they would probably be very . distressed.#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just#would not help the situation ykwim itd probably make things worse#also kinda too tired physically emotionally etc rn to do it and go thru it and the aftermath and having to clean up and take care and#trust myself to be. safe. enough. abt it.#but. now hear me out. IF i do it somewhere that isnt super obv or visible. i doubt theyll know anytime soon.#and if things go. in a way thats.. i dont think i can cope with then well ill prob end up right back in this feeling without the like#withstraint of someone who cares and wants to care abt themselves and others and want to control themself and behaviours and health#but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.#i just. am struggling to cope. i feel things. so much. and. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think if i have made it this far for this long i will be able to keep going without resorting to that?#but i really do hate that its like. wld be. yeah like turbo bad.#a very small and fucked up part of me feels like if things do go bad then what does it even matter and even better if whoever were to know#that i HAD relapsed bc ig at that point its like. idc who is upset or disappointed or uncomf or scared of/for me and thinks im terrible bc#at that point like. things are all. tumbling (lol) snd messed up so if i am messed up then whatever! ig. ????#but umm. yeah. idk i guess im just frustrated with my own . caring abt being responsible and stuff#there was a time when i was not as likely to be able to resist consequences be damned#im like over here going thru the stages of grief on god fr fr no cap on the stack or whatever ppl say#in other brighter news i managed to get a bit of work done on one of my assignments and some needed friend time but wasnt actually able to
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oscalesoffeeling · 2 years
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ya know what. sometimes i feel guilty for needing my f/os to feel at all safe and secure and happy and loved and good enough and content etc etc in my life :(
#like i'm Not a big tough guy.#i'm just not. i'm a sickly little guy. like literally i'm super fucking sick all the time...#and i like rely on them so much mentally. ya know. i can't sleep without them bc i'm so scared of sleep and sleeping and the dark and#being alone. i hate being alone so much. it makes having alters of at least one (don't ask unless we're Actually friends)#of my f/os. bc he's usually fucking around towards the front taking care of me all day. but that has its trials and tribulations too. guy#in my head is always there (/pos and /neg. we have multitudes.)#and idk. i feel. invalidated in my masculinity *balloon deflating soundbite* bc of it ngl. that i'm the weak feminine one in every#relationship i'm in. that's some shit i gotta sort through myself. internalized toxic masculinity and transphobia.#bc it indicates nothing of who i actually am and how my relationships actually work. i'm just a feminine guy ya know.#and i see things all the time that are like (not vague bc i couldn't name names if i tried) 'all these femme shippers are detracting from#the masc shippers by being all frail and petite and feminine and reliant on their f/os!!!' as if being frail and petite and feminine and#reliant is the problem and not the sheer amount of attention more femme aligned shippers get over masc shippers in the community.#like men can be frail and petite and reliant and cry cry cry and yell and gush 24/7 about their f/os and still be masc.#the problem is when we discuss self shippers at large we usually picture a much more cishet white female crowd than what actually exists#bc those kinds of people tend to get more attention.#i'm sure there's a lot to unpack there about what makes them popular but i would prefer not to see posts that shit on#people for being frail and emotional and dependent. bc i am those things and i'm a man who is those things g-ddamnit.#i've only seen like maybe three or four posts like that but c'mon....#ellie rambles about stuff#/vent
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chisatowo · 2 years
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Uh oh *starts getting attached to Mocha's bio mom*
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raskies456 · 2 years
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I’m terrible at remembering who I follow and bc I tend to worry I bother people I actively make myself act like if people were bothered they would tell me so yeah in summary if you want to softblock me please just hardblock me or send me a message saying you don’t want me to interact so I can filter your un, no explanation needed
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rrover · 2 years
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some day i'll ramble abt. minerva so y'all can know what her deal is but she is so. aaugh abbbghggbh augh
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desceros · 3 months
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me: [looks at calendar, gets a wicked idea, looks into the camera] happy springtime, turtle fam! who's ready to celebrate the season?
...mating season, that is. hehe. [dodges the tomatoes]
so! i had the idea that it would be super fun to have a community-wide event where we all have a prompt and then everyone fills it in their own way.
...i then decided all the prompts i came up with were too good not to use, but also none of them were Good Enough to use exclusively, so i changed my mind and the prompt is now just MATING SEASON. with a few suggestions at the bottom of this post if you're looking for some.
since spring is coming upon us, i hereby invite everyone to join in the vernal festivities... which in turtle parlance, of course, means only one thing: write, draw, whatever your version of "mating season", then join me on march 1 to post it with the tag #TMNTSpringShellebration. we then shall browse the fine selection of our mutual artistic efforts, and basically just have a good time as a community.
here are the prompts i came up with as starters-slash-things-to-include if you're looking for a place to get started. feel free to use these at will, or use them to come up with something of your own:
“Please don’t make me explain this. It’s humiliating as is.”
Oops, Looks Like Mating Season Came A Week Early This Year
“…In all of my mating seasons, this has never happened before.”
“I told you not to come by! It’s mating season!”
Probably should have expected it to be different now that he’s not going through it alone.
Because of Shenanigans, you have to wait. Wait… Wait… ok now.
They’re not the right person for mating season… but they’re the one who’s here, so…
“Show me where it hurts."
so yeah! see you all on march 1 for the, uh, spring shellebration. party popper emoji
questions i imagine will be popping up and i hope will clear up here before my askbox swells beyond capacity under the cut to keep this post from being Way Too Long. also it's really not that serious it's just an excuse to write slash draw for everyone Please Don't Take This Thing Too Seriously It's Not That Serious:
"can i participate?" yes! it's literally just an invitation to do something. nothing fancier than that. no need to be following me or in my friend group or whatever.
"can i write (insert fic idea here)?" yep! so long as it's related to the idea of mating seasons, it flies. reader insert? hell yea. oc? hell yeah. solo turtle and his favorite pillow? go for it.
"can i draw (insert art idea here)?" yep! uh. i know tumblr has the cops watching for sin bin material, but you art people know how to deal with that. and if you don't, uh, ask the other art people. im just a feral cat in a trench coat
"how do i participate?" write/draw/collect songs for/whatever. then, on march 1, post it and tag it #TMNTSpringShellebration. also, for funsies, keep it hush hush what you're working on so we can all be super shocked when the day comes! except, y'know, that you're planning on joining in. totally do that.
"when do i post it?" march 1. whenever on that day. waves hands around in a vague gesture at time zones not mattering. seriously don't take this so seriously it's just me wanting to create cool shit with my friends with a little more structure to it
"does it have to be horny?" i mean. it's an event about mating season. so by definition it's going to be at least a little horny. but however you interpret it is cool. even if it's just. idk. leo sitting sweatily in a chair looking longingly at a glass of water bc he's thirstier than usual. be smart about things, people. i'm not your dad.
"which tmnt verse is this for?" whichever one you want it to be for!! rise! bayverse! 2007! your fan iteration! your friend's fan iteration! your mortal enemy's fan iteration! yes!
"will you be reblogging everything?" absolutely not, but this isn't an event About Me. i am incidental to the thing. it's about Us. coming together as a community. for horny turtles. puts my hands on your shoulders. do it for you. for your friends. for the community.
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mumms-the-word · 1 month
Text
Shadow Curse Events Pt. 1
Ketheric, Selûne, Shar, and Aylin
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I’ve played through the game a few times at this point and I always find myself struggling to understand the timeline or at least order of events that occurred with the Shadow Curse. I know some things conflict because there was one version of the story in Early Access (the version where Halsin accidentally killed Isobel) and it was heavily altered for the final version of the game, and some things just got *gestures vaguely* waved away, but I keep wanting to make sense of it anyway.
So that’s what this post (edit: I mean series) is going to do. After the cut, obviously. Long deep dive post ahead! Picture of a tired Ketheric for attention and because same bro c':
TLDR: These events happen either in the 1370s or the 1390s. Ketheric loses Melodia (his wife) and Isobel (his daughter) and turns to Shar. He captures Aylin, then builds a Big Dark Justiciar Army, training them and forcing them to kill Aylin over and over. Meanwhile, a Selûnite resistance is brewing in the town, and it's kind of making everything worse. One Selûnite rebel even goes so far as to make a deal with a devil. And all of that is BEFORE the Harpers and druids arrive as an army.
We don’t have dates, unfortunately, aside from knowing that the shadow curse itself was unleashed about a century ago, so “timeline” would be a loose term to use if/when I use it. But I have two theories about when it happened.
One theory is that because the Spellplague was happening between 1385-1395 DR (during which there was neither a true Weave nor a Shadow Weave, which is what the shadow curse is made of), the shadow curse likely started around 1396-1399, just shy of a full 100 years before the game’s events in 1492. But that’s just me conjecturing based on the idea that if the Shadow Weave is gone…how does the shadow curse stick around? 
The other theory is that the shadow curse was unleashed sometime between 1371 and 1374. This is because a) Dark Justiciars were still being sent by Ketheric Thorm to destroy Moonhaven (the Blighted Village) in 1371 (Ketheric writes a letter about attacking Moonhave and a journal dated 1371 boasts that Ilyn Toth, the basement apothecary-necromancer dude, got killed by Dark Justiciars) and b) because Khelben Arunsun himself, the literal Blackstaff (super powerful and very old wizard), wrote a letter negotiating surrender on behalf of the Harpers.
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We cannot be party to the suffering of the people of Reithwin, and indeed, of the great loss of life that this war will visit upon the Sword Coast - and, perhaps, beyond it. So it is written, and so let it be done, Khelben Arunsun, on behalf of the High Harper Council and its allies.
Wiki says Khelben broke his alliance with the Harpers in 1370 due to some disagreements, but it’s possible his splinter faction was at the battlefield with the other Harpers. I doubt he was there personally, but who knows. I wouldn’t go any earlier than 1371, though, because Baldur’s Gate II happens in 1369, and Jaheira would have been too busy dealing with those events to deal with Ketheric too. But it can’t be later than 1374,  because Khelben Arunsun dies in 1374.
(I have questions about how the shadow curse survived the Spellplague and the loss of the Shadow Weave, but the answer to that could simply be All Magic Was Weird and Unstable at the time…plus Thaniel was already in the Shadowfell by this time, so the land couldn't heal.)
So it’s either 1371-1374 (because of the Khelben timeline, and I guess the Spellplague didn’t affect it) or it’s 1396-1399 (because of the Spellplague, but the writers just forgot Khelben was dead by that point, or maybe his ghost wrote the surrender notice idk). Both are good enough for Halsin and Jaheira to talk about things happening “a century ago,” but you can see why I’m avoiding dates.
But let’s push it back a few more decades. Back when Ketheric was a Selûnite and Isobel a very small child.
As we’re probably all well aware, during this time, Ketheric worships Selûne along with his wife, Melodia. At some point, he even commissions the local Mason’s Guild to build Moonrise as a testament to Selûne herself, according to Morfred the mason (who you can talk to in House of Hope, it’s pretty cool). Ketheric and Melodia have Isobel, but then Melodia dies while Isobel is still pretty young. Ketheric remains a Selûnite, mostly for Isobel’s sake, until she dies too.
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Ketheric: I’ll tell you a story, True Soul. About a man who sold himself piece by piece. He had…everything. A wonderful wife. A brilliant daughter. They lived not far from here. His wife died too young. Grief tore through their home like a thief, snatching away the scent of her hair, the rustle of her skirts. But the man did not break. He could not break. His daughter needed him whole, after all. She grew up—grew strong. Challenged him. Filled his heart with such joy it supplanted all sorrow. When she was killed, the man…he tried to remain whole, but it wasn’t possible. Do you understand? Player: So the man fell to pieces. Ketheric: The pain was unbearable. All-consuming. He decided he’d do anything for reprieve. First, he sold himself to the goddess of loss. But the pain did not subside, no matter his obscene feats of devotion. Then a new god came—a god who promised the man something wonderful: his daughter. Her life returned. Imagine it. He would have to give everything: his body and soul entire. He did not hesitate. Not for a moment.
We know this story. Ketheric turns to Shar and everything goes Very, Very Badly. But the exact details/order of Ketheric's Sharran days are a little hazy. So here's what I've been able to piece together to sate my own curiosity.
While Ketheric is still a faithful (but waning) Selûnite, Dame Aylin visits as an emissary of Selûne. Moonrise/Reithwin is a Selûnite refuge and the Thorms are allegedly devout favorites of the moon goddess, so it's a big deal. While she's there, she and Isobel fall in love. Ketheric disapproves, in part because Aylin is immortal and Isobel is not (Isobel and Aylin both say this in dialogue).
Plus, and this is a personal opinion, I think Ketheric might have seen Aylin's interest in Isobel as another thing Selûne was trying to take from him. It isn't enough that Selûne let Melodia die, now her daughter is trying to woo his daughter and take her too.
But then Isobel dies. Somehow. The launch version of the game isn’t clear how. Aylin mourns but Ketheric spirals. He turns to Shar, hoping she will force him to forget about Isobel, but he doesn't. Nevertheless, he becomes a zealous Sharran.
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[A journal spanning years, beginning with the birth of a child and ending with what appears to be a series of dateless tragedies.] How can she be gone? Where did she go? The Moonmaiden cannot be so unfeeling - so cruel. Not toward her most devoted servant. Not after Melodia. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. I won't survive it. That much I know. Forgetting is the only possibility. The embrace of oblivion. The reprieve of nothingness. It would not be possible for a man to survive knowing what he knows. Knowing what can be lost. Shar understands that. Hers is the only mercy I can comprehend. My mind is full of holes - yet not enough. The emptiness. The time. The nothingness. And still I remember. Still I remember it all. There is no mercy in this beating heart. There is no mercy in life at all.
He builds the Gauntlet of Shar (or maybe renovates and Shar-ifies it, maybe it was already there) beneath the Thorm mausoleum, connecting it to the much more ancient Grymforge area. Grymforge becomes a kind of base or stronghold for the Justiciar army while the Gauntlet is designed to test their mettle and prepare them for the task that will make them official Dark Justiciars—killing Aylin, though it's not clear when Ketheric and Balthazar lure her into the Shadowfell.
I'll get back to that later.
We know that Grymforge was used as a Dark Justiciar stronghold and possible training ground because of all the Sharran stuff we find there. It's like super obvious. The feasthall room, the dormitories, the weapons that lay everywhere. There's basically a whole Sharran city in the Underdark beneath and near Reithwin, some of which we can see from various points in Grymforge. In fact, if you go through the poisoned room where Nere is, you can see the Gauntlet down below.
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(It's a little hard to see here 'cause I play on console but there's a glimpse of the giant Shar statue that takes up a ton of space in the Gauntlet. Somehow, the two places used to connect.)
Ketheric's new Sharran teachings are ruthless and vicious. He encourages his Dark Justiciars to kill a Selûnite once a tenday or more as part of their training and service to the Lady of Loss.
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The Law of Nightfall: From the moon falls the foulest of lights. iIt peeks through cracks and fissures, illuminating the most remote recesses of the Underdark. Light bestows hope, a pernicious notion which must be extinguished. At the darkest hour, pray to your Lady and feast in Her honour. The second day after, slay a disciple of Selûne. If none may be found, a Lathanderian or Mystran are an acceptable offering. Do this once a tenday, and the Lady of Loss shall know you.
Reithwin and the surrounding village soon become a hunting ground. Most people convert. Those who don't get hung in the square as examples (according to a shadow memory). All faithful Selûnites are forced to practice their devotion to the Moonmaiden in secret, led by Morfred the mason and his brother Halfred the innkeeper of Last Light Inn. Halfred hides Selûnite relics beneath Last Light (you can still find them) while Morfred plots a true resistance.
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[Hidden amidst columns detailing the income and expenditure of a tavern is an aside, written in tiny, urgent handwriting.] I have concealed the sacred relics of our revered goddess in the darkest corner of this place. Morfred, my loyal brother, seeks to forge a network of allies to stand against the oppressive reign of Ketheric Thorm. Sadly, fear has gripped the hearts of many, turning them away from our cause. I cannot truly blame them, for trepidation fills my soul as well - but I must put aside my own fears and reunite with Morfred in the bowels of the Mason's Guild. Together, we shall preserve what we can of the Moonmaiden's light, and hope that the banners of the faithful soon rise against that treacherous dog, Thorm.
But as time goes on, Morfred grows increasingly distressed with the events happening in Reithwin and the ease with which people are eager to switch faiths.
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- How quickly things change. The Thorms are Selûnite through and through - or so I believed. Perhaps Ketheric only converted for Melodia, and with her death - and then his daughter's - his faith died too. But to turn to Shar? It beggars belief. - Ketheric's Justiciars are growing greater in number, and more determined to rout out any traces of Selûne in Reithwin. Why do they think this town was built? One cannot rip out the foundations of a building and expect it to remain standing. - Brother and I remain the last two bastions of Our Lady of Silver in the town. A few - the trusting few - come to worship in secret by moonlit nights. Others - converts, all. Whether they truly believe, I cannot say. Impossible, isn't it?
(Don't worry, the second page is further down lol spoilers!)
Life is not going well in Reithwin, even if you're not a Selûnite. Ketheric is determined to destroy all traces of Selûne and treason of any kind. His Dark Justiciars begin tormenting citizens to reveal pockets of Selûnite resistance. He also suffers no treasonous word against him, even if the citizens in question aren't Selûnite. We see a glimpse of this and of the Justiciars' cruel influence during the questline with He Who Was and Madeline, who ratted out her friends' innocent(?) complaints about Ketheric to some Justiciars, resulting in their brutal deaths.
Eventually Morfred realizes that the Dark Justiciars are too powerful to resist and turns to Raphael, offering his soul in exchange for something to destroy the Dark Justiciar army.
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- Sick of standing idle while Justiciars gain power in our humble town. What will become of us if we allow it? I met a man who was no man. Touched by a devil. Or maybe worse. But he offered me something I couldn't refuse - help. - The time is now. Ketheric's Justiciars, their stronghold in the temple below - they will be wiped out. All of them. I didn't ask how. I just want them gone. Let the Harpers have at Ketheric now. They'll make short work of him.
You can ask Morfred about this in the House of Hope, actually, where he confirms the details. I mean, he's in Raphael's house, so it's pretty obvious the he did, in fact, make a deal with him.
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Infernal Mason: When tragedy came, my master fell into darkness and despair. He marshalled a great army to ruin the world and bring all into shadow. I could not let it happen. I sought out the devil Raphael and signed an infernal pact with him. He promised to destroy my master’s army, and I promised him my soul in return. The devil was true to his word. Fiends slaughtered my master’s forces, but he endured somehow, and blighted the land.
The Fiend in question here is Yurgir, who ends up crashing through Grymforge and the Gauntlet to kill all Dark Justiciars in his path. (He misses one, because Raphael is a sneaky bastard who let one get away by turning him into a swarm of rats, but I digress.) We know Yurgir caused the destruction in Grymforge, too, because of the Merregon masks and hellbeasts we find around the area, and the fact that if you pass all the checks with the Duergar mason examining the stone, he helps you piece together this narrative:
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Stonemason Kith: An ancient city, hewn from the stone by the disciples of Shar, later abandoned. Untold centuries later, a new tribe revives it. Fresh walls, fresh sculptures...until a great hellbeast charges through, toppling the walls and crushing the people! Heh - that explains the infernal plate I found. Perhaps you might have use of it.
Further proof that Grymforge and the Gauntlet were once connected...somehow.
Anyway, by the time Yurgir is called in, Morfred's already been found out. Thisobald overhears him drunkenly complaining about Ketheric in the Waning Moon and informs Ketheric of his treachery. Ketheric orders a raid on the mason's guild, leaving Halfred the lone source of Selûnite resistance. It's unknown what becomes of Halfred, but considering the fact that the inn was still taking guests (like Art Cullagh) and housing the Harpers right before the shadow curse descended (there's a shadow memory of a Harper toasting his comrades in Last Light right before the battle with Ketheric long ago), it's likely he's a victim of the curse and not Justiciar brutality.
I’m not sure which is worse, honestly.
It's unclear when Morfred dies, though he admits to witnessing the first part of the shadow curse (i.e., "...but he endured somehow, and blighted the land"). But Morfred's deal coincides in some ways with the arrival of the Harpers and druids. I think he probably makes the deal with Raphael before the Harpers officially march against Ketheric and then gets caught after he hears rumors of the Harpers.
Raphael makes good on his deal around the same the Harpers arrive, perhaps a little afterward. This means Yurgir's slaughter of Justiciars in the Underdark must happen concurrently with the battle happening topside between Ketheric's army and the Harpers/druids, meaning Ketheric is losing his army on two fronts at the same time. Victory seems assured for the Harpers and druids, but of course we know now that Ketheric had a way of cheating death already in place.
He had already imprisoned the Nightsong in a Shadowfell soul cage.
Again, we’re not sure exactly when this happens, but it’s after Isobel dies and before the shadow curse, which unleashes with Ketheric’s supposed death in the battle against the Harpers and druids. However, Aylin herself says that Ketheric and Balthazar lured her into the Shadowfell under the pretense of saving an innocent.
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Dame Aylin: He and his loathsome advisor Balthazar lured me into the Shadowfell, claimed they'd found someone in need of my aid. There they trapped me in their infernal cage. I was killed, murdered, made dead, over and over and over by Justiciars of every make and kind. I was reborn, for it is my nature. And Ketheric fed upon my immortality all the while.
This makes me think that Aylin wasn’t aware of Ketheric’s conversion yet, so it must have been very soon after, because otherwise, why would she trust a known Sharran telling her to enter the Shadowfell, the realm that is entirely under Shar’s control? I also suspect Ketheric built (or renovated) the Gauntlet around Aylin after her capture, perhaps at the behest of Shar due to their collaboration in making up new Justiciar teachings, or perhaps out of a sick, vengeful desire to see Aylin tormented for daring to love his daughter.
If this is true, then there’s a very real chance that Ketheric was unkillable before he truly started to torment Reithwin town, and well before the Harpers stepped in to take him down.
Anyway we at least know that Ketheric trapped Aylin in the Shadowfell before the big battle against the Harpers because a) both Isobel and Aylin talk about her being there for a century and b) because Ketheric is already using her invulnerability to survive assassination attempts on his life prior to or during the actual battle against him and his army:
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23 Elient The Harpers came too close - they poisoned Father Ketheric himself, yet he professes no ill effects. Malus insists it a fluke. Doctor he may be, but he is no less a fool for it: Father has achieved that of which I can only dream: immortality. I have long suspected. I can guess Father's purpose, but I cannot fathom the means.
This brings us to the eve of the battle itself. But this post is already hella long, so keep an eye out for part 2, all about the Harper and druid battle against Ketheric!
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Note
Idk if this is Hunger AU canon or my own personal fanon but
one of the "calling cards" that the Watchers used in Evo was bedrock
bedrock is unbreakable by a player
perfect for trapping the player you're using as a Watcher incubator
and the texture looks rough af
when you get desperate you often try to do stuff to escape even if it's impossible, right
so what I'm saying is
probably one of the last things player!Grian did was tearing his hands to shreds trying to break bedrock out of sheer desperation
which makes all the passages in your fic where he's staring at his hands even more *gestures vaguely*
(idk why I typed this out in this format but it felt right so I'm going with it)
MAN OKAY THIS IS SUPER COOL i especially adore how youve connected it with the way i keep having Grian stare at his own hands???? which ftr is smth ive only just now realized i do all the time AKDBWKDJKSSJ this is JUST like the scarian jaw kisses thing HELPPPP 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but thats such a cool thought!!! And utterly angsty i love it >:]
Its also made me realize i dont think ive ever actually told yall what did happen during that interim where Grian was captive as a Player before he died and became a Watcher, so buckle in i guess as i try to explain this one to yall (obligatory cws for captivity, parasitism, violated autonomy, body horror, and major character death discussion)
Yknow the world borders the life series has?? It was like that, but tiny. Maybe a couple chunks' worth of space to move around in. He spawned into a savannah biome and the Watchers specifically in charge of keeping an eye on him (pun intended) penned him in with the borders, implanted the specially-coded larva, and then retreated back just outside the server's barrier code to, well. To Watch.
So post Evo dragon fight the Watchers convinced Grian to join them without telling him what that entailed. They then proceeded to whisk him away to the server cluster's dev crystal, which is where the remnants of this Watcher colony made their semi-permanent home. There, held together basically only by the Watchers' ability to manipulate code, they had Grian make a brand new server.... and immediately trapped him in it.
He spent a year there slowly dying, eaten from the inside out by a parasite that was collecting his memories, copying over his stats and personality, with very limited space and resources to get by with. I know he built a tiny house out of acacia, but it never got any bigger than a starter base. He lived off of mostly bread and the meat from a few animals that spawned in with him; he primarily used stone tools, because those were what was most readily available. It was a very terrifying and lonely year, where all access to the outside world was cut off, and he was meticulously watched over to keep from dying while the larva inside him continued to grow and destroy him.
The Watchers were mostly hands-off in terms of interaction, but they did do regular check-ins to ensure the larva was alive and that there was no danger present to its host. Hostile mobs were carefully warded off, and Grian spent most of his time alternating between begging them to let him go (they never responded), trying to figure out ways to escape (it never worked), and tending to baseless chores just to keep from going out of his mind as his body grew weaker and weaker and more unstable around him.
I have a lot of feelings about this tbh, bc its just such a bleak scenario to think about-- trapped in a tiny cage with something killing you from the inside out, and your captors wont even talk to you about it properly. Being left otherwise to your own devices, with the terrible, lingering knowledge that, even if it was under duress, you still agreed to this. The fact that, after a certain point, after your questions and pleas are summarily ignored and brushed aside, you finally realize: you aren't meant to survive this. You are going to die.
A juvenile Watcher's first meal are the emotions during their host's last few moments. Grian was no exception; he cracked his way out of his own ribcage, and, without meaning to, amplified and feasted on Player!Grian's agony and terror as he died. With their memory codes finally disconnected, Grian had to watch himself through the eyes of a stranger as his terrified consciousness dissolved and his body fell apart into nothing more than loose strings of code.
Only then, still weak and flailing and helpless, was he was brought into the colony proper, in order to teach him how to be a Watcher. It wouldnt be for another few years before Grian gained the strength, control, and insight required to make his desperate escape. In total, i wanna say he spent somewhere between.... 4-6 years??? with the colony against his will. It would take another 4 for him to finally scrape together the courage to contact Mumbo and finally ask him for an invite into the Hermitcraft proper
One of these days i do plan to write that reunion, actually, which i'll add to the series as another prequel just like all the words that i forgot to say, which takes place roughly 6-8 months after Grian finally joins Hermitcraft. And if yall want to read an absolutely fantastic fic that deals with the moment Watcher!Grian was born and Player!Grian died, you should absolutely check out my friend @raichett 's fic Divergency, which ive pretty much canonized bc it REALLY hits the nail on the head for that situation.
Okay this got a lot longer than i meant it to sidhskdjej also those timeframes are a little squiggly bc i havent fully settled on where they fall on the general timeline. I wanna say Grian had been a Watcher for abt a decade by the time Mumbo got him onto Hermitcraft, though, so thats the loose timeline im working off of when i talk abt this :] anyway thanks for giving me an excuse to write this all out!!! while your idea about the bedrock isnt necessarily canon, i absolutely ADORE it and can totally see Grian just tearing up his hands while scrabbling against the world border.... utterly heartbreaking we fucking LOVE to see it. Thanks for sending in your ask!!! I always love seeing what you have to say about hunger au!!! :DDD
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sky-fire-forever · 6 months
Note
Responding to your line that you put in the water for izzyxreader asks —
Maybe reader is super tough all the time, and so they and Izzy bond over repressing feelings and everything, and then Izzy goes through his transformation and healing era and the reader feels abandoned because everyone on this crew is touchy-feely and now they’re all alone in putting mind over emotion
But then they find out some really bad news (maybe they lost a loved one or something) and fall apart at the seams, and Izzy is there to pick up the pieces
Idk
[AN: I try to leave it vague as to what the bad news actually is, so I'll leave it to your imagination! This is my first time writing X Reader fic, so I hope it's any good! Also, I am posting this on mobile, so I apologize for any formatting errors]
FALLING APART [IZZY HANDS X GENDER NEUTRAL READER]
Izzy Hands is the only one on the ship who understands you. Or so you thought.
These days, it doesn't seem like anyone understands you at all. Izzy included.
It used to be you and Izzy against the world. The two of you understood what it means to be pirates: It means bottling up the fear and the sadness and the… all of it. It means facing the world with a brave face despite how you might feel inside.
You both understood that. Once.
Izzy seems to have forgotten. He wears his emotions on his face now. He talks about them. He wears the title of Unicorn with pride. Things that Izzy wouldn't have been caught dead doing once upon a time.
It seems so easy for him now. He sits with the crew, smiles with them, congratulates them on a job well done. He belongs with them.
And all you can do is watch.
You're almost envious of his ability to change, to grow. It was less lonely being an outsider when Izzy was on the outside with you. Now, you just have to look in and watch as he builds this fantasy family. You wonder how much it will hurt him when it comes tumbling down.
"You could join us, you know," Izzy tells you one night as the crew huddles together by the light and you stand on your own. "No point in you drinking all alone."
You scoff and wave him off. "I don't do well with people." It's an old excuse, one you've used for years.
Just as he always has, Izzy sees through it. "You don't need to push them away. They're... not what we thought they were."
You narrow your eyes at him. "Just because you've gone soft doesn't mean we all will."
Izzy looks at you with something like sadness in his eyes. "The invitation's open."
But it wasn't an invitation you could accept.
Not until later, when a letter comes for you.
As you read it, your hands begin to shake. Your vision gets blurry as your eyes fill with tears. Before you know it, your entire body is trembling.
"Fuck," you whisper. "Fuck!" You shout it at the sea, crumpling the letter in your fist and hurling it at the ocean.
You can never catch a break, can you? The world loves punishing you no matter what you do. People like you don't get a happy ending.
That's something you've always known. You're a pirate and pirates' lives are full of bloodshed and misery and death. A happy ending has never been in the cards for you. Hell, you never even expected a happy middle.
You've never seen the point in crying over the shitty hand you've been dealt. Expressing emotions changes nothing, fixes nothing. So what's the point?
But in this moment, you can't hold it all in. You fall to your knees as tears hit your cheeks. You sob so hard you can hardly breathe. The world around you becomes a blur as you begin to cry.
Strong hands come to wrap around you. Your first instinct is to fight, to shove away whoever is offering you comfort. But you're just too tired and weak to bother.
"I've got ya. I've got you, love." Izzy's soothing voice washes over you as he pulls you into his lap. "I'm here."
Not long ago, the idea of Izzy Hands gently holding you as you fall apart would have been laughable. But here you sit, curled up against his chest as he rubs circles into your back.
You hiccup, trying desperately to regain some control over your breathing. "H-Hurts," you whimper through the tears. "Fuck, it hurts."
"I know," Izzy says softly. "I know, love. I know it hurts. Just let it all out, yeah?"
He presses a kiss to your temple and you squeeze your eyes shut. Sob after sob wrecks through you and you're powerless to stop it.
There's a reason you keep your emotions to yourself. Crying is painful and it's weakness and it fucking sucks. Why would you choose it if you could lock it all away instead?
But somehow crying in Izzy's arms doesn't feel quite as bad as you feared. It still fucking hurts, but he holds you through it, whispering gentle assurances all the while.
And when you've finally cried yourself out, a part of you feels… lighter. Like a great burden has been lifted from your shoulders and all it took was falling apart.
"Shit. I'm sorry," you mutter as you wipe your eyes on the back of your sleeve.
"Nothing to apologize for," Izzy says. "How are you feelin'?"
You hesitate before answering. "Better," you admit somewhat grumpily.
He smiles like he knows how much it pains you to admit that crying helped. "It's easier to fall apart when someone will help pick up the pieces." He reaches up to cup your cheek, brushing away a few stray tears with his thumb.
You swallow and if you had any tears left to shed, you're certain you'd start crying all over again.
Instead, you just wrap your arms around Izzy and hold him close, burying your face in his neck.
"Thank you," you whisper.
He holds you close like it's easy to do it. Like being there for you isn't the burden you know it must be. "Always, love."
And you believe him.
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bonefall · 6 months
Note
This is a bit of a vague, broad request (so sorry about that!) but do you have any more info on the Dappletail extended family that hasn’t made it to our ears yet? Any masterposts about them or about individual cats like Darkstripe? I loved the Cricketclaw post a lot and I’d love to see more of these complicated goobers!
Sure! But it won't be comprehensive-- I need to make them a whole post like I did for the Dragonkin family over in RiverClan.
I've been calling them Dapplekin lately, but if we zoom out a little further, I've been calling the whole family the "Tawnyrain" line. I think we could call them Rainkin for the example here.
The Rainkin family descends from Rainfur and Tawnyspots. Tawnyspots is now the FATHER of Dappletail and Thrushpelt, bringing him in line with the statement that he was an old deputy when he retired.
Tawnyspots was an old friend of Sunstar. I imagine he also had a ton of apprentices, he was a responsible and nurturing kind of guy.
Rainfur was gorgeous. She was light golden with those lighter "dapple" stripes you see in Dappletail and her kits.
She is also where the humor came from. She loved the CORNIEST jokes. For some reason I just find it very funny that every cat in BB whose prefix is "Rain" gets a sense of humor.
Tawnyspots: "Hey Rainfur!! What did the tired honeysuckle say to the oak? Leaf me alone I'm bushed!"
Rainfur: (WHEEEEEZE)
The family gets the mane from Tawnyspots.
They were just NICE people, y'know? I think Bluestar looks back at them fondly, they were like the super sweet neighbors in the apartment next to you who would bring over extra food in old, stained tupperware.
And that extended to their kids. Dappletail and Thrushpelt are extremely meaningful to Bluestar, the both of them are sweet as overripe blackberries.
Dappletail has a really BAD case of resting bitchface. I channel a bond villain when I draw her or think of her voice.
She loves telling stories and explaining things, because she is good at it.
When Ravenkit and Dustkit's mother died and their uncle was extremely sick, and she'd just lost Featherkit and Darkstripe skeddadled with Graykit, she looked after them.
I think Ravenpaw's love of storytelling comes from her. Unfortunately though, she gave him a great power, as a kid he had a bad habit of Making Shit Up.
It definitely comes from Dappletail, who never says "I don't know." She will hypothesize, speculate, and seek answers, but doesn't use idk.
"Dappletail, where is the tunnelbun?"
"I saw it last shift, Graystripe had it. He probably took it."
Her kits all actually have the same biofather. I don't know who it is though, I imagine she met him after Rosetail told her a secret story about her honor sire in Chelford, but it might be a Clan cat. But he's monochrome gray; all of her kits are the same color as him.
THRUSHPELT meanwhile, ALSO a ball of sunshine,
I wrote a joke about him saying howdy ONCE and it became a core memory. Guy who says howdy.
Thistleclaw: "THIS IS ENGLAND WHY ARE YOU SAYING HOWDYYYY"
"Well howdy doody thistleclaw"
"AUUUGH"
He definitely says Hello in some weird way. Guy who answers the phone with Yellow. Man who says shucks unironically
And then surprises you by being one of ThunderClan's strongest fighters. If you swear in his good Christian Minecraft server he'll fucking gut you
Dappletail is not the stronger twin. Thushpelt is as thick as a twig but you get in a fight with him and you hear Dark Souls
That's part of why Bluestar could never allow ThunderClan to get taken over by Thistleclaw. The strongest fighter... goes on the front lines.
Moonflower was the strongest fighter too, once.
Unlike Dappletail, Thrushpelt also never needed to know the full story. Bluemoon ADORED him. If she was ever about to overshare for his sake, with the thought that he deserved to know, he would stop her.
"If I should know it, I will learn it in StarClan."
When Bluestar picked her first deputy, she knew it had to be him.
And he was a fantastic deputy, and a great uncle. Super supportive guy, calls you Sport and ruffles your mullet.
He got taken out a few weeks after Featherkit, which was devastating to Dappletail. She is comforted, however, by the idea that Thrushpelt can look after her.
I got into Cricketclaw and Darkstripe recently so I'll try not to repeat too much
Cricket and Dapple were actually extremely upset that Graystripe halted the fight over his kits.
Cricketclaw especially, she doesn't give a shit about Crookedstar and his sadness, she would have invited him to Cry About It, "MY nespring"
Dapple is 50% more diplomatic; "Silverstream is gone. Stormkit and Featherkit's family is here."
Feathertail's name makes them both Emotional, she actually has a tail pattern a lot like Dappletail's
On that note, yeah. They both did not want Featherpaw and Stormpaw to go back. They were both actually pretty upset about it
Cricketclaw got in a FIGHT with Mistyfoot for saying they could go home
How dare you even SUGGEST that actually, go back to the Clan that WANTED TO EXECUTE THEM???
I don't think Cricket could compose herself enough to say goodbye, and she was FURIOUS at Featherpaw for taking the offer. Her final words to them was probably just at Stormpaw alone;
"Don't let your sister decide your whole life for you. You'll always be OUR family."
I don't think Stormpaw actually appreciated it much. Stop making this harder! I know this is a bad idea! I have to be there for Featherpaw when this shit all goes south, god damn it!!
Dappletail and Graystripe are sad but supportive of the twins' choice. Cricketclaw is maaaad
And Stormfur and Feathertail... man
Feathertail sees the good in everything, to a fault. She believes it will all work out if we stick together, and that everything that happens is meant to be.
Stormfur does not agree
He watched his whole ass mentor get wasted, PARTIALLY by his uncle.
He saw people he thought where his friends watch his execution, some curious, some cheerful. All of them just watching.
People don't die clean. His blood didn't anoint the earth, it just gushed and choked. There's no such thing as a noble murder
Everyone rejects the Dishonor Title they gave Stonefur, saying that Tigerstar was not ordained by StarClan.
Stormfur doesn't see how that matters. The stars watched, too.
It was Deerfoot, Swansong, Jaggedtooth, Wetfoot, Mosspelt, and others who saved him... and it was normal cats, just like them, who built the Bonehill
So again; what does it matter that Tigerstar wasn't given the authority by StarClan to change his name?
His mentor was named Heartworm. And that is the only angel he prays to.
If they hadn't gone back to RiverClan, Feathertail never would have been chosen for the journey. Never would have died.
And the destruction of the Forest killed his family in ThunderClan. Devastated them. Even Graystripe was taken.
So when Leopardstar nodded at the "sign" Mothwing claimed she saw, when RiverClan hardened in TNP, and when it kicked out the pawful of Tribe cats who had come to help these ingrates get set up in a new territory...
He was done with Clan Culture. There was nothing left here, for him.
I don't even plan for him to be in love with Brook yet, going to the Tribe was about getting the fuck away from all this.
Yes Feathertail's grave is there too, but I think his feelings are super complicated.
Cricketclaw was right, he let her decide his life, and because of her he didn't get to say goodbye to his family. He would have been in ThunderClan, maybe even been able to save some of them.
At the Tribe, he lives in the Cave Ward. The least populated ward, and practically a temple-town.
At first he thought he would be more of a hunter, but he quickly learned he really doesn't like how you hunt in the highlands. It's a VERY leggy activity, lots of hiking, running, coordination. It was different than he expected.
Anyway I'll stop there because I could write an SE on how Stormfur adjusts after his immigration and I would actually be interested in doing it. Like, really take the chance to show how the BB!Tribe works and explore the feelings of moving to a new place.
It's a theme that's personal to me as a writer tbh.
Graystripe meanwhile... he never gets over Silverstream. Not even with Millie. I don't think he realizes it, but he really is always looking for the glimpse of himself in a happier timeline
And boy oh boy does it fuck up his next litter.
I've spoken about them all before and I plan to collect it all in one place at some point, but briefly,
Graystripe can't ever take a side when Millie treats Briarlight poorly, and just ends up enabling Millie's ableism
Millie is frantic over Briarpaw's injury, and says some AWFUL things right to her face, making the entire situation about herself
But Graystripe will be like, "your mother says things she doesn't mean :( she loves you, you know"
He can't deal with the possibility of losing Millie, too. Or any of his kids. It's something that Briarlight and Blossomfall come to realize, with time and wisdom.
Bumblestripe meanwhile... he's not really smart enough to ever realize that. He just keeps breaking himself on trying to get Graystripe to see him
But Gray is ALWAYS seeing his first litter, and comparing them. No milestone goes by where he's not cheerfully bringing up some story of how their older siblings were, how he wishes they could see them.
That's where he goes, in the end. After extreme carnage from the Impostor, Graystripe decided that he wanted to spend the last of his life with Stormfur in the mountain.
(Graystripe's Vow is now Ferncloud's Parting, FERNCLOUD is gonna go confront her brother)
Thankfully, Briarlight had her mentor Honeysnake to help her realize her worth... but Blossomfall and Bumblestripe meander for meaning into really toxic, dangerous places for their whole lives.
Blossomfall trains in the Dark Forest because she feels so alienated and disconnected from the Clan at large, only stopping in the BOTTE in the last wave when she faces up against Briarlight
She confronts Briar, and she just... cocks her eyebrow. "ILL END YOU" "no you won't."
Squirrelflight actually tried to tell Bramblestar to make an exception with his Dishonor Titles for the DF trainees, realizing that that Blossomfall's problem was alienation.
She wanted Blossomfall to be put into a Secondary Apprenticeship, specifically for the Construction Patrol since Dustpelt was killed. Something where she'd see her work pay off, and she'd be helping to take care of the Clan.
But Bramblestar rejected it, because it would be unfair. If everyone else is getting Dishonor Titles she will get one too; she shouldn't be REWARDED for what she did. It's a punishment.
So she was Shredbloom for a while. None of her problems were addressed and she ended up joining The Kin later, eventually being rescued by Heathertail and her plan.
Returning to ThunderClan was on her family's vouch, bringing the kits she'd given birth to in The Kin with her, and she was on THIN ICE
She mouthed off at the Impostor in typical Blossomfall fashion once, early in his reign, and she got hit with a DEVASTATING second Dishonor Title; Clearface.
"Because it would be better off if we could see right through her."
Bumblestripe became one of the Impostor's favorite lackeys, exploiting his failed relationship and resentment of Dovewing
Briarlight was murdered in the dog attack that Sparkpelt barely survived, and Stemleaf is killed in the assassination attempt on the Impostor.
Bumblestripe accompanies the old people, Ferncloud, Cloudtail, and Graystripe, during Ferncloud's Parting. He says goodbye to his dad in the mountain, and finally meets the Famous Stormfur...
And learns that he's just some fucking guy.
You live your whole life trying to hold up to this standard of a distant, unknown brother in the mountains, and then you learn he was Just A Dude all along.
He went further south with Cloudtail and Ferncloud too, to make sure they were safe. They are old and it is a long journey.
And that's where they all are to the current point of BB! In ThunderClan, the active Rainkin Family is Bumblestripe, Blossomfall, Plumstone, and Shellfur, and all of them want to support Spotfur as she raises Stemleaf's children.
They refer to themselves as "Graykin" currently; their last relevant ancestor. In Clan Culture, families tend to split at a grandparent or great-grandparent.
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