#idk I’m just ramblin

[squigglywindy]

Good night everyone! This is becoming part of my night time routine don’t mind me…

You are all amazing and talking with y’all and/or just seeing your posts makes my day a lil bit brighter <3

Everyone remember to eat sleep and drink, and take some time to do something you enjoy if you can <333

[peoplevsbirds]

i think life is actually about finding beauty and meaning and art and joy in the mundane because sometimes you can walk past the same scene a hundred times and not appreciate it, but when you do finally notice it, you realize you were missing an unassuming masterpiece in the middle of your town

[soullessjack]

so before I conk out for the night I wanna try and explain all the more complicated stuff with baby!jack and like, how exactly it is more complicated, because not only do I think my own temper tends to make me address it very accusingly and in bad-faith, but also it’s just important to know in the long run. I really hope this is actually worth it because I am sadly very used to wasting my words on people who do not want to listen and also because I’m sleepy and delaying it to make this.

•••

first and foremost, jack being autistic was not something anybody in the show was planning or intending for his character. it wasn’t something alcal had in his head to portray jack and it wasn’t something he was directed to portray. jack is very much a case of what I call accidental autism, or having autism coding; all of the traits that were meant to indicate that he’s a supernatural being wound up aligning very well with autistic traits (as is the case with many nonhuman characters like robots or aliens). then, autistic people in the fandom pointed it out and made it a popular headcanon, which was then brought up to alcal at a convention and basically confirmed/canonized from there.

i wasn’t on tumblr in 2017 (unless you count opening link tabs from other websites) so I wasn’t “there” for babyjack, but you don’t really have to be there to get it. guy is chronologically three years old but an adult in every other way because supernatural creature logic, people wonder “hey what if he was his actual age.” and it’s cute for a little bit, it’s a chance for the poor heavily traumatized guy to catch a break. you see the appeal of that sort of content. nobody’s doing it with bad intentions or even the remotest idea of jack being autistic.

but even though I wasn’t on tumblr for jacks appearance on the show, again I did have minor access to tumblr posts via Pinterest and links, so I could see the “discussions” and whatever. and let me tell you. I was thirteen years old. in eighth grade. when he showed up. and even then I noticed this .. pattern? in the fanart and the talk and all and I remember specifically thinking “yeah I get it he’s baby, but can we actually talk about him” because literally nobody as far as I could see was doing it.

that was six-almost-seven years ago. I am now 19 years old, almost two years graduated from high school, and save for a few blogs (bless u for your work folks), there is still a shocking amount of ppl who just Do Not think about jack with any sort of nuance or complexity. who don’t even engage w his character unless he’s a babyI also didn’t keep up with babyjack cuz it never appealed to me in the first place, But as i got more engrossed in the fandom i saw that it pretty much became the only content being made for jacks character. no in depth discussion or actual canon fanart or anything like that for jack unless u go to a very tiny cobwebby corner of the fandom basically.

•••

if you’re wondering how this comes back to jack being autistic, don’t worry. this is the introduction to that topic. so reiterating the first two things:

in 2017 jack is immediately clocked as precious baby smol bean must protecc material and his whole age situation + all the trauma he basically speedruns leads to au’s where he matches his chronological age. poor boy never stood a chance at being examined critically as a complex person.

(also this is not a time-lined post but it’s very important to add 2017 to gauge the span of this content and also the internet fandom culture of that era).

somewhere down the line autistic fans pick up on Jack’s traits and connect it to our own traits. hashtag autistic jack kline is real and eventually it reaches the silly actor man alcal and the long short of his answer is “representation and having that kind of connection is important so if you think he’s autistic then he’s autistic.” canon by destiel rules basically

However, the entire time that jack is being recognized as autistic and praised/appreciated as representation, people are still going strong with baby!jack content, so strong in fact that it’s insisted as actual canon by some. and I kind of get it. they’re two lil headcanon niches and aren’t gonna cross paths a whole lot. but they still do because it’s the same character and people are sort of starting to connect the dots that Hey This Is Kind Of Weird. autism gang notices that baby gang’s reasoning for Jack being a baby (besides the age) is just his autistic traits. not great! not fun! people start making tiny criticisms of it here and there.

and of course there’s people in the fandom who want to Fuck The Guy and that totally does not pour gasoline on the fire when the discourse is about whether or not the Guy In Question is a mentally stunted large child or just a really autistic teenager.

.

I can’t finish this post I’m sorry I am Not going to bed at 3am again. TLDR every criticism is ignored and the babyjack people keep doing their thang and the really really annoying ones insist it’s canon and call u a pedophile if u want to fuck the guy and just refuse to really acknowledge that they are being ableist at the point in time after he is established to be autistic and also there’s multiple points in the show that literally make it so obvious he’s an adult but no. Ignore whatever u want to pretend he’s a baby.

TLDR again accidentally autistic character creates accidental ableism that people keep double downing on and NOW the general problem is that they are doubling down.

lastly. a LOT of you really and truly need to reconsider why the only way you are willing or able to engage with an autistic teenager character is if they are an infant with absolutely no semblance of personality or development from the actual show AND being specifically depicted this way in order to create the idea of your ship or found family being domestic AND you continuously ignore criticisms of it by autistic people who are telling you it is harmful and rooted in some bad shit. you really really truly genuinely no exaggeration really need to do some thinking about why the fuck you’re doing all that. Goodnight everybody

[spoofyleaf]

MK doesn’t want to be a hero to save the world, he just want to have fun and keep his friends safe. In this essay I will-

[hershelwidget]

i think it would be funny if for the theatre reveal it’s just an ABSURDLY long bit where a small rock containing theatre’s “true name” is rolling around on the ship and everyone is failing miserably to catch it. nobody ever fucking grabs the rock but to save them some time i do allow for the players to See what is written on it but as soon as its said whats written on it i disband the party and this all happens on april fools so nobody believes me

[sunlightfeeling]

does anyone like the process of creating posts? I don't mean the actual media you're showing off with gifs, artwork, scanning, etc.

I mean, actually drafting up the post to share it?

..Because I'm kind of starting to not like it much

And I lowkey could use help? Its getting more difficult to draft things up and it’s zapping some of my motivation knowing when everything’s ready, I need to now go and queue it up

*Not everything is ready because they're dupes I need to compare or still need editing/deleting, but a good number are “ready”

I've started getting a nice flow with scanning, which is great! But then the idea of making the post pops in my head and I freeze and go "ugh…😞”

Again, its not that I don't want to post. Actually I want to post more (at least for now since I'm at a good scan-pace), but I think I'm annoying enough posting about 4 times a day across two blogs 😂

I just...can't get motivated to upload/manage the pictures, write a caption, write tags...

Usually (practically always, unless it's a clip tbh) I'm not even considering metrics or trying to skew a post a certain way. Some posts are legit just dropping the shoot and captioning with the magazine name but that's still like...too much? right now. I don't want to give you guys crap-effort posts but I also can barely get myself to just add a magazine title and some tags sigh

Basically, I still want the posts going to these blogs, but I'd provide the scans to have the posts queued up? Idk maybe I could open another side-blog (or just use the one I have already?) That's would maybe be easier since it's collaborative......right? lol

Anyway, half rant half actually could use some help? If you want? Idk I really want to share more and I really love scanning and making gifs but…

....also, I kind of would like time to watch things and play Gaiden, while also still rolling out posts

[the-trans-dragon]

As a person who can hear and speak, the amount of times I wish people knew ASL is astronomical. I could ask customers if they need anything, from across the store, or tell them we are out of stock, or direct them to whatever they’re looking for. I could tell my manager I’m heading home without walking across the entire sales floor and getting caught helping a customer for another ten minutes.

People in public could chat quietly in the waiting room at my doctor’s office, to help the environment be quieter and less overwhelming for me as an autistic person.

[thwackk]

my greatest accomplishment is getting my best friend (who hated hal jordan) to think hal jordan is hot

[eptck]

Neil Gaiman

[dearest-meat-mutt]

Holding myself back from flying off the handle at a friend bc they said wearing white to a wedding would be a very me thing to do, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN-

[bemejaybee]

I dissociate like. A lot

I think more than normal? I wish I knew what a normal brain feels like, or the average brain, or whatever. Maybe I have adhd and just have trouble keeping my attention on things? Maybe I’ve got did and I’m dissociating all the time? Maybe I’m just paranoid and want something to be wrong with me so I’ll have a reason to feel bad?

Maybe it’s just late at night and I need to sleep

[intheshadowsbehindyou]

Hello! I love your writing style!! It's just so on spot, and I wanted to request some headcanons for the mercs with a gn! reader who doesn't really speak but they can communicate through sign language or paper for whatever reason, the thing is, the Merc and the reader find themselves in a really critical situation or just an incredibly intimate and comforting moment, blurting out for the first time something serious or stupid like "y'know when I first met you I thought you're really stupid...(affectionate)" IDK OF THIS MAKES SENSE OR IT'S WEIRD SORRY LMAOOA

(if you don't wanna do all of them you could do your faves & I hope there's a chance to add miss Pauling if possible😔) but anyway, too much to read,, sorry again!! Take care♡♡

Y/N with communication anxiety admits their feelings to the Mercs

Scout:

- He’s very chill and nonchalant about it. Although have fun hearing him talk his mouth off all the time and rant about random things. He takes a liking to you pretty quickly when you join his team and leans on the wall next to you tossing his ball from hand to hand and blowing bubbles with his bubblegum. “Heeey there slugger. What‘s your name? You look like a total nightmare today.” He says. When you don’t answer him and nervously gesture to your throat that you’d prefer staying quiet he pauses for a moment. “Not a talker, eh?”

- Literally will not shut the fuck up. Will talk to you for hours on end. Venting or just saying plain stupid shit to impress you. You find his personality rather charming and in exchange he seems to appreciate your content silence and preference to listen to him. Something that the other Mercs don’t really do.

- “Y’know, Y/N. I know this sounds fuckin’ weird but like— Thank you I guess? For listening to my nonstop ramblin. I mean.. Not many people stop to consider what I have to say.” He says this to you while you sit in Tuefort’s gazebo with him on a cold desert morning. “They just think i’m annoying I guess..”

- “Annoying yet charming and handsome nonetheless, Scout.” You finally work up the courage to mutter to him. Your voice is rasp and you smile.

- Scout pauses, then looks at you in complete disbelief. Did Y/N just speak? Atop of that it seemed to have been a flirtatious compliment. He takes a moment to process the situation and then sort of chortles. He runs his hand through his own hair and acts chill about it but on the inside he’s absolutely mad with feelings. “Wow.. That’s.. Yeah, OK.” he says, failing to find words. Face flushed with heat.

——————————————————————

Soldier:

- He was the first person to approach you in the base. Like ever. When he found out there was a new mercenary he needed to lay the ground rules to them as soon as possible. Instead of giving him a “Yes sir!” like he had hoped, you stared at him blankly. (I’d probably be rethinking this job offer.) Wondering why you hadn’t spoken up to him, he got close to your face and looked up and down you. “I’D LIKE TO HEAR A YES SIR PRIVATE!” Still nothing. You were too busy admiring his muscles. You’ve just met this man but you’d let him throw you off a bridge in an instant.

- When he still doesn’t get a response, he backs up and angrily fixes his helmet “Insubordination I see.. Heh. Okay.” He mutters and prepares to plan a punishment later. You are oddly charmed by his stupid greeting and you head to the nearest chalkboard and explain in writing why you can’t respond back. He lifts his helmet up to read it and then looks back at you. (The other Mercs are kind of stunned that Soldier even knows how to read in the first place.)

- “Ah, I see.. Strange tactical decision but not unheard of.” He responds, then straightens his posture apologetically. You two become close friends from then on. Medic has to explain to him later that you just have “mild” communication issues. For the first few months of your guys’ friendship the dumbass thought you were doing this to gain an upper hand.

- After a match one day you catch him smoking a cigar on a huge pile of bodies in the pouring rain. You step up the horrific mess of blood and guts to meet him. He doesn’t look too happy. Although Soldier never really opens up about anything to anyone. He’s way too deep in his little military fantasy. You sit next to him and put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Whatever the hell he was upset about you knew it wasn’t good. After a bout of silence you whisper “You’re a wonderful strategist, Soldier.”

- You can’t see his expression underneath his helmet but you can certainly hear his heartbeat quicken because of how close you are. His mouth nearly twitches up into a grin. He doesn’t respond to your compliment but he’s relieved to hear one nonetheless after all this time.

————————————————————————-

Demoman:

- You find him making bombs in his quarters when you meet him for the first time. He doesn’t look too friendly but as you decide to walk by he immediately calls out to you. “Ayeee! New blood. Get ova’ here a second. Wee lil monster.” He beckons his hand aggressively.

- You walk over to him and he puts an arm around your shoulder. Patting you reassuringly. “Aye.. So It’s not gonna be easy livin’ here just so you know. We’re all a wee bit mad. Don’t take the others’ too seriously when dey bother ye.” He takes the responsibility upon himself to let you know as an older Merc it’ll be okay. He slaps you friendlily on the back after his conversation and sends you off. He doesn’t really question the fact you aren’t speaking.

- You immediately take a liking to him though. Mainly due to his explosive personality on the battlefield (pun intended.) He gets horribly drunk before doing any Mercenary work and acts goofy the entire time. His charisma pulls you in like a magnet. You want to speak to him but it’s so hard…

- After months of simping for this guy from afar, you slip a note under his doorframe professing your feelings to him. You hear him pick it up. The next thing you know, he barges into your quarters the next day after a match and grabs you by the shoulders. Asking you in complete disbelief if you actually meant everything you said.

- “Yes, I just think you’re really attractive!” you blurt out instinctively. Alarmed by his behavior. He lets you go; having heard your voice for the first time. The shock of the revelation and the sound of your voice, atop of the alcohol seemed to have done it for him. He immediately kissed you on the lips without warning. You’re the first person in years to say this to him.

- “I… Er.. “ He walks away after that. You have no fucking idea what the hell even happened.

——————————————————————-

Engineer:

- You hear the sweet melody of a guitar echoing off the intel room. Despite its clearly southern origins you are drawn to it. As if it was some sort of hypnosis. You’d recognize that melody anywhere. The year was 1967 and you were no stranger to your own childhood. That was clearly “El Paso.” You’ve heard that song on the radio a million times already. But somehow this was different. The soothing voice it came from was singing it as if it were his own lullaby to the multiple sentries around him. The ones of his own creation of course.

- Next thing you know, you’re sitting next to him on the intel desk, sleepy as all shit from the melody and the white noise from the patrolling sentries. You wake up an hour later to embarrassingly finding yourself on this stranger’s lap. You want to profusely apologize to your colleague but nothing comes out.

- He doesn’t even seem phased. For some reason he was stroking your hair as he gazed off into the distance.

- Ever since that day you became close to Engineer. He was completely unbothered by your communication issues and actually kind of appreciates the silent times he has with you. He rarely speaks to you while hanging out either, out of respect for your boundaries. Only the occasional conversation here and there. You are both existing together.

- “I love you, Dell.” You finally say, after a night of drinking in his workshop with him. You are perched up on his lap as always and he’s petting you. At first he misunderstands this as platonic. “Aww..” He cooes. “No, I mean it. I’ve always found you so —“ You bury your face into his chest. Muffling the last part of your sentence “Safe to be around.”

- He’s unbelievably boiling with hormones on the inside. He tips his hardhat forward to hide his flustered face. Holding his own chin. “Dammit..” He mutters in an incredibly positive way. You’ve successfully won this man over.

—————————————————————-

Heavy:

- He’s already met you before the job. Accidentally caught you in a coffee shop in Tuefort being yelled at by an ableist Karen and he took it upon himself to nearly strangle her for you. Heavy doesn’t tolerate behavior like that. You need to insult people with style or nothing at all. Don’t pick on their disabilities. Aim for the most stereotypical high school bully route possible. Come on, you gotta be an asshole skillfully.

- He could tell you were different the moment you joined the team. But that’s fine. He was quite misunderstood too. Heavy wasn’t a dumb himbo. He was a GIANT man with a lust for blood. Although he enjoyed chaos as much as any Merc, Heavy also valued silence. Something that you provided him with your presence. You catch him deliberately body shielding you on the battlefield because he knows this communication issue didn’t come out of nowhere. You’re distressed. This was his subtle attempt to let you know he cared.

- He catches you unable to sleep one night. He opens your door and notes the fact your light was still visible through the cracks. You’re sitting on the bed in an uncomfortable fetal position.

- “Little thing will not sleep?” He asks you. Although he has his typical hardened expression the question suggested he cared. “Hm. Stay here. Heavy will grab bedtime story.”

- He reads you an old Russian classic. Although depending on who you are you might not understand it. Regardless the soft sounds are alluring sleep. It’s clear he’s read people stories many times before because his whispers hit all the right places.

- You mumble to him a thank you. Which makes him pause mid sentence. He doesn’t know how the ever living fuck to process what he’s feeling right now. It’s a mixture of affection and the pang of what is typically the start of romantic attraction. Ew gross he’s feeling soft and fuzzy emotions.

- You pull him under the covers with you eagerly. He grumpily obeys but he doesn’t know why. He nearly destroys your bed with his weight and has to put you on his chest to cuddle. You can hear the sound of the ubercharged baboon heart inside him. Still pumping away and working to keep him going. You slip into slumber easily.

————————————————————————

Pyro:

- Talking is overrated anyway. Nobody really understands Pyro when they speak under the mask. Trying to say something simple like “There’s a spy behind you.” is often met with a confused expression. When Pyro meets you, it’s when he’s allured by your skills on the battlefield. In their point of view you are a glorious unicorn prancing around a field of pollen. (More like debris from the enemy soldiers’ rockets but that’s besides the point.)

- There are rare moments where Pyro is completely lucid and self aware of the fact they’re a mercenary for hire though. They compliment you on your abilities after a match and it takes you a while to understand but you nod.

- They won’t. stop. complimenting. you. You are dragged to his tea parties and childish shenanigans and you find over time it’s surprisingly pleasant to escape from the bloodshed once and a while. Cuddling sessions ensue as time goes on.

- You catch their face without their suit while they’re getting changed. That is vulnerability that Pyro wasn’t ready for yet. They break down sobbing and self depreciating and you feel heartbroken. Who the hell taught them to hate themselves so fucking much? You’re having a bit of empathy overload right now as they squeal and choke up. Finding no other alternative but to speak blissful things about their appearance and personality. Hearing you speak for the first time makes them cry more. (In an incredibly positive way luckily.)

———————————————————————

Sniper:

- Oh shit. Another person whose super quiet for some reason?! Except your situation is different. You’d like to socialize but it’s difficult. Sniper doesn’t want to socialize and he hates basically everybody. But he has that “grumpy older brother who teases you” energy. He’s well aware you’re younger than the other Mercs and therefore a tad easier on you.

- He’s scoping out a crack in the window when he feels your presence behind him. His shoulders stiffen and that’s how you know he senses you. “Blimey. You’d make a terrible Spy.” he mutters. Bringing his gun away from the hole to put it down and face you. His hypersensitivity to noise is no doubt from being stabbed a million times.

- You wonder how he’s able to tell it’s even you in the first place. He’s possibly grown accustomed to how each Mercenary sounds when they approach his nest. You can smell the scent of strong cologne mixed in with bond fire lingering off him. Couple that with the fact that he’s so unbelievably hot? You came to bring him some morning coffee but you end up setting it down to spontaneously hug him.

- “Wh— fuck.” He growls. Both caught off guard and swaying a bit. Trying to adjust to extra weight. He hesitantly hugs you back. Wondering if you were sick or something and needed soothing. He doesn’t understand why anybody would want this from him. It takes him a minute to put his arms around you and pat you.

- “What’s wrong mate?” he says, in your ear. This man might be giving you a voice kink if you don’t already have one. Holy shit. You don’t want to be humiliated by your own voice in front of him and your lips quiver. Incapable of finding the words you’re thinking of. “You’re cute.” you finally say. In a last ditch effort when no other words came to mind. To say you desperately wanted this man was an understatement.

- You hear him take a sharp breath in. He stifles a groan from the amount of energy you just shot into his godamn stomach. Not only was it a pleasure to hear your voice for the first time but it felt intimate. He was very sensitive to things like this. You swore you could hear this man purring in your ear like a cat. He was evidentially as touch starved as you were.

—————————————————————

Medic:

- No speaking?! Oh! this man has to study you like right fucking now. What a curiosity. He’s never met somebody who had issues speaking like this before. He hates to admit —and won’t admit for that matter — that he might be doing this out of emotion as well. Believe it or not Medic can be an incredibly emotion driven person. Not just for the pleasures of harming people but the unwanted sympathy that comes with being human. He hates the idea he might care for you. Why does he even feel that way? It’s not like you’re different from any other Merc..

- Except you are. You’re you. That’s the problem. You’re lovable in every way and no amount of rumination will ever explain why.

- His first instinct upon discovering this about you is to ask you questions about how bad it is. Obviously quickly realizing how stupid that is — he hands you his clipboard and a fresh piece of paper to communicate. “Do you speak if at all?” “Do you experience this in the presence of certain stressors?” “Did you have traumatic experiences that led to this?” “Is this perhaps a case of selective mutism?”

- You scramble to write down incredibly passive aggressive and sarcastic answers but they are answers nonetheless. He seems pleased with the results. Under normal circumstances you’d hate being treated like a guinea pig but his excited smile was charming. The fact that somebody wanted to understand your situation so badly was a bit riveting. He was hungry for information about the human existence. “Danke!”

- You catch something you’d never suspect in a mad scientist such as himself. While he’s drawing mathematical equations on his chalkboard one night he periodically looks over his shoulder to frown at you while he thinks you’re not paying attention.

- He’s doing a terrible job at hiding his human nature. There was a bout of emotion in his eyes about your health. As much as the doctor tried to remove this from his work, it kept rearing its ugly head in certain situations. “I love you, Doctor.” You tell him.

- SNAP. His fingers break the chalk in half. Just like his crumbling facade. You could see his eye twitch as he accesses ten thousand possible answers he could give you in his mind. “Aheh, could you give me a moment, bitte?” He tells you. Waltzing into the other room. You could hear muffled screaming coming from his bedroom. He regrets taking this job and wished he died in police custody.

———————————————————————-

Spy:

- YES! FINALLY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T MAKE HIM WANT TO PULL HIS HAIR OUT AND BACKFLIP OFF A CLIFF

- Spy elegantly invites you to his quarters one night after weeks of avoiding you the first time you come here. He pours you some wine and hands you a glass. (adjusting your hand in the process because you’re holding the glass wrong.)

- “Do you know why I brought you here?” He asks. Pacing around the room and lighting himself a cigarette from his disguise kit. In all honesty you have no idea why but the sight of such a handsome older man doing this for you was distracting. “It is your performance as of late. You are throughly calculated I must say.” You couldn’t agree with this, but you wondered if he had some sort of thing for competent people. (Your assumptions are correct.)

- …. “Not to mention quieter than me when I scope out prey.” He mentions. Waving the cigarette between two fingers. He was a Spy and you had no doubt he was trying to read you like a book but having difficulties. He was especially accustomed to having small talk with the other Mercs to better fake their counterparts when disguised as them. You couldn’t help but feel a little flattered over the fact that not even a Spy could properly look through you.

- He looked at you rather frustratingly once he realizes you’re still not speaking. “Not even the slightest bit of speaking. Do you realize how much harder you make my job?” He complains sarcastically. You can’t help but crack a humored grin at this. He isn’t being ableist in this situation, rather he’s angry he can’t psychoanalyze somebody. You knew it was within’ a Spy’s nature to instinctively do this.

- He responded positively to your grin. Moving away and dragging his cigarette. Trying to hide a bit of his own amusement. “Yes, yes. You find my suffering to be equivalent to the entire circus.” He says. “But in in all honesty your silence is preferred.” Spy moves in and lifts your chin up with his pointer finger.

- “Tu es agréable à côtoyer..” He hisses. His voice sounding like a hungry cat as he draws closer to you. Spy has a very distinct look in his eye. One that basically screams thoughtful and mysterious. You nearly passed out at the unintentionally romantic gesture.

- “Please throw me off a fucking building.” You say.

- “What?”

[romana-after-dark]

Hi! I’m loving rooms on fire so far, and I noticed you had one more dark Triple Frontier story. do you happen to know any other dark Triple Frontier stories? I can’t seem to find many.

Hello!!!! Thanks for the love on Rooms on Fire!!! It's a fav series of mine!

And yes, I do have recs for dark TF boys!!!!

This Charming Man- Having lost so much, Frankie feels lost himself. Until he meets someone new, and he'll do anything to have her. dark!Frankie: This is by my friend @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin who writes a wiiiide veriety of Pedro

For a bit of something different, there The Worst by the amazing @toxicanonymity ! It's is Tom fic BUT HERE ME OUT bc t's so good! It's dark and perfect Just trust me.

Deep Seeded Issues by @djarinmuse: Summary: At an N.A (narcotics anonymous) meeting you recall a dark and embarrassing memory, not knowing the connection in the room.

My Blood Would Teach Me How to Love by @winniethewife : Santi finds you self harming, blood kink ensues.

Goodnight, Princess by @melodygatesauthor : Your dad's best friend accidentally discovers that you're a sex worker. He tries to let it go, but it eats away at him until things go way too far.

I'm trying to remeber a really good one with frankie, santi, taking reader in an ally and they only speak spanish to her????? Idk who wrote it now and I feel bad but I have horrible memory online. If its yours or you know whose it is, let me know!!!

[thatlovinfeelin]

Flightless Bird | eleven | Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Synopsis: Josephine Wilson Miller is alone for the first time in her life. She got married after her first year of college and became a housewife, but that life is gone now. So she runs to San Diego, to her childhood best friend Jake, where she meets the man who could very well be her salvation.

series warnings: unplanned pregnancy, just pregnancy in general, talks of infertility. past mental and emotional abuse. anxiety. talks of women's reproductive systems (idk)

“Kiss me back,” She whispered, pulling him closer to her.

“Jose,” He whispered, hands gently pushing her hips away, “Stop for a second.”

Jose felt like she’d been zapped, suddenly her brain didn’t feel foggy anymore. There was more than just the two of them. The little kick from inside her reminded her of that fact. She sucked in a deep breath before stepping away. She needed distance.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking,” She rushed to say, “I misread this.”

She backed away some more. Bradley knew that brave girl was gone again. She was scaring herself away this time. He could practically see as she talked herself out of whatever this was. He reached for her, trying to keep her from running.

“Hey, no,” He said so softly it almost hurt her, “That’s not what this is, okay? I just…I know you need someone, and I don’t want to be the person you cling to because of that. I don’t want you to think that-” “If things had been different, like if I hadn’t been married and if I wasn’t pregnant, I would’ve stayed that night at the bar,” She told him, “We would’ve had drinks and I would’ve gotten to know everyone, but I’d still want to leave with you at the end of the night.”

His forehead dropped to hers. He made a noise, somewhere between a sigh and a groan.

“You aren’t here because I feel like I need someone,” She continued softly, “You’re here because I want you, Bradley. God, even Jake and Nat know it.”

He shook his head slowly, “You aren’t mine to want.”

“Bradley, Michael signed the papers,” Jose repeated again, “I’m not married anymore. I’m free to want whoever I want. For once, I’d like to think about what I want, not what anyone else wants for me.”

He brought a hand up to gently stroke her cheek, “And what about what you and your daughter need?”

It was her turn to sigh. Her daughter moved again, as if knowing they were talking about her. The movements were still at the stage that they almost tickled. However, she knew soon enough they would have a lot more power behind them.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked him.

“Seems we’re already being extremely truthful already.”

“She moves more when I’m around certain people. I’m not sure if she can really hear everything going on outside here yet, but she seems to like some voices more than others. She likes Jake’s, but only when he’s using his actual accent, she kicks more at that…and yours. Little Munchkin seems to really like it when you’re around.”

“I-”

Jose stopped, realizing how much she just said, “Shit, I’m sorry. I finally have some energy again, and the hormones are literally about to make me crazy. I used to have a habit of just ramblin on when I was younger, used to drive Jake insane. It’s like I’m a runaway train sometimes and I just can’t stop. I’m scarin you aren’t I? I’m sorry, I really just need to-”

“Stop talking,” He whispered, stepping towards her again, closing whatever distance was left, “I didn’t think I ever wanted a family, or that I could even really have one. After seeing what my mom went through…I never wanted to subject anyone to that. But then you and your sweet little smile and addictive accent showed up. I’ve fucked up a lot, you know that, but I don’t want to fuck around anymore. Not with you.”

She smiled so big it almost hurt her cheeks, “Then don’t anymore.”

He pulled her as close to him as he could manage without squishing her or her stomach. She shivered, despite the fact that it was still warm enough outside. Bradley only smiled. He didn’t realize how much he could actually care for a woman until Jose showed up. For the first time in his life, he finally understood the love that his father must’ve felt. He gave up trying to chase that feeling years ago, but now it was all he wanted.

“Well, Miss Wilson,” He dropped a gentle kiss to her forehead, “I think I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

A sound caught in Jose’s throat as she hugged him tightly. This felt like a new beginning to her, for so many reasons. Jose felt nothing but peace as he held her. She hadn't felt peace like this in years. Not since she was a child. Certainly not since she married Michael.

Behind them, Jake cleared his throat, “Are you just going to stand there with the door open? Or is Bradshaw going to come in for dinner?”

Jose’s cheeks turned pink as she buried her face in Bradley’s chest, “Jake.”

“I’ll start flicking the porch light on and off,” Jake warned, a hint of a laugh in his voice.

“C’mon, let’s get you off your feet,” Bradley said softly, giving her a gentle push towards the door, “Hangman, you want help cooking?”

“Do you even know your way around a kitchen?”

“Do you know your way around a jet?”

Jose only smiled as the two men bickered in a way that friends would. She didn’t know the whole truth behind their relationship, what happened before she came along. But knowing that they seemed to get along now was enough for her.

“They’ll be like this for the rest of the night,” Natasha told Jose once they both sat in the living room, “I swear they fight like brothers these days.”

Jose pulled a blanket around her, “As long as punches aren’t being thrown.”

Nat shook her head, “Not in a long time, actually. They’ve been on their best behavior for a while.”

“You talking about us, Sweetheart?” Jake called from the kitchen.

“All bad things, Bagman,” Nat called back, winking at Jose. “So, are we having a baby shower for you?” Natasha asked a little while later.

“Why? I only know the three of you,” Jose shrugged, “And besides, I got most of what I need second hand. I mean, obviously there are a few things I need to buy new, like a car seat. But I don’t-”

“Oh hon, you’re a part of our family, you know that right? The whole squadron knows about you, and have been dying to meet you. Plus, there’s Maverick, and Penny.”

“I’m not asking a bunch of strangers to show up at a baby shower with gifts for someone they don’t even know,” Jose argued.

“Strangers to you, but family to Jake and Bradley,” Nat shrugged, “Which in a way already makes them your family too.”

“No. I don’t want anythin like that,” She said again, “I don’t need it. I don’t- if you haven’t noticed I don’t do well with a lot of people.”

Natasha was quiet for a while. She knew Jose was shy and that she had her reasons. She liked to keep her circle small. So Nat never tried to push the other woman when it came to other people. She would tease her about Bradley because she knew she could. But she knew there were lines she couldn’t cross.

“Alright, but at least tell me what I can get you,” Nat sighed, “Because you and that baby are getting something from Aunt Nat.”

Jose shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m kind of figuring all of this out as I go.”

“Well, I’ll call my mom, or one of my siblings,” Nat replied, “We have so many kids in the family, I’m sure one of them will have some idea.”

Jose sunk into the couch a little more. She was an only child, and more likely than not, her daughter would be too. The fact that she was even able to have one baby was a miracle in itself. Jose doubted she would ever get the chance again, even if she might want it one day.

“It must’ve been nice growing up with siblings,” She said almost sadly.

“Oh, Jo, I’m sorry.”

Jose waved her hand, “Don’t worry about it. She’ll have her aunt and uncle to look after her. Maybe cousins one day too?”

“Maybe, if he gets off his ass and starts asking the right questions,” Nat joked, “But you know, I’ll always look after both of you, right?” “I know, you’re like the sister I never had,” Jose replied, “I never got along well with Jake’s sisters. Well, not his older sisters at least, his younger sister was a little too young to be friends with.”

Nat nodded, “They aren’t fans of me either, don’t worry.”

“That’s because they hate everyone,” Jake added, leaning over the back of Nat’s chair so he could kiss her, “They’re awful judges of character.”

“You should bring your mama out here,” Jose suggested, “Her, I actually miss.”

“Bringing her means bringing him too.”

“Am I allowed to say I hate him?” Nat questioned.

“Yes,” Jake and Jose replied.

The sound of pots and pans clanging drifted from the kitchen. Jose eyed Jake, silently asking what was happening. Jake just shrugged and sat on the arm of Nat’s chair.

“He kicked me out of my own kitchen.”

“You stopped listening!” Bradley called.

“Big surprise,” Jose laughed, throwing a pillow at Jake, “I’m a better cook anyway.”

“Bradshaw!” Jake called out as Jose got up, “Keep your damn hands to yourself while you’re in my kitchen. You hear me?”

“Jake, follow your own advice,” Jose said over her shoulder, “Then maybe we’ll talk.”

[regardingjenmish]

Just a tiny “review” of the new album

Okay so these are just some first thoughts I had while listening to the album. No, fr i just wrote it down on post it notes while listening so half of it probably makes zero sense

First thought: Jensen absolutely KILLED it on this album. Second thought: oh this is why it took so long because Jensen was busy working and this is a lot of Jensen. Lowkey his album ngl Right Kind of trouble: A little more vibey and chill than it was at the concert. Jensen obviously sounds amazing and the song is for sure still a favorite. I love the piano solo towards the end and when the song speeds up it becomes even better just like at the concert if that makes sense(?)

Forever ain’t long: Jensen, sir?!?!?!?! his voice is insane and I’m obsessed. I love this song and once again the piano/guitar solo makes the whole thing even better. The song is beautiful, it is a little slow but it’s amazing. And again HIS VOICE

Every Light: that’s Dean’s song idc I didn’t make the rules. I am still obsessed with the ‘booze and cheap tattoos’ lyric, especially because of how Jackles sings it. (also the violin in the back is perfect)

Ain’t no tellin: JENSEN??? The voice!!!! It has a really familiar vibe and i love it. His voice sounds fucking amazing (i swear this is a remark on every song and no one is surprised)

You made me blue: It’s a nice song, obviously a little sad and Steve is the one singing it..

Keep on ramblin’: Jensen bby.. at this point just give me a solo album please. I like the lyrics. It makes me think of something/a feeling that I can’t put a finger on right now. It kind of makes me think of just playing this song while you’re driving in the middle of the night with the windows down even tho it’s not that type of song im sorry idk how to explain it, i did say it won’t make sense

Sweet Escape: hey steve

Return to me: it’s a lovely song that’s more calm and it’s both of them so the vibe is pretty good. it does make me think of like a movie scene where people are slow dancing and someone is just about to leave in the middle of the night idk how to explain otherwise fjdhjfksjs

Restless man: Jensen???? sir, your voice is making me emotional!! I can’t handle this shit! the lyrics are also a little sad. I don’t know how else to explain except that it reminds me of a goodbye from a certain type of life? Nothing bad or sad, just that feeling when you realize a certain moment is ending or beginning idk leave me alone its 1 am however that could be me projecting bc im going through it jshdkjskd. When he sings ‘I found out long ago’ i fucking love the way he sings it, his voice sounds absolutely amazing are we really surprised. And I love the song, especially when it picks up a little bit.

Velvet sky: It’s a nice calm down to end the album especially after Jensen absolutely killed it. Steve is the one singing (Jensen joins in a little bit) and it’s pretty good song. good way to end it.

[misty-moth]

Imma ramble uhoh look out ramblin time!

Ahem. Anywho~

I’m so conflicted on posting the Arthur comfort fic that’s been sitting in my docs. Part of me is like “every time I reread it I just… really like it” but the other part thinks “there is a weird plot-a/plot-b thing where I have no idea if it will make sense to others”

And I also think readers might just straight up dislike plot-b ngl 😅

So I’m conflicted if I should make a second version that would only focus on plot-a… or just post it and let the readers figure out if they like it 😮‍💨

Idk, man, idk.

But I also think it’s a niche fic to begin with, so maybe I could just ~f it we ball~ since it may only mesh with like… 2 people max.

Gah. GAH.