#idk I’m just still raw from it I guess

[smolbasilboy]

why does my mental health take such a nose dive every-time I get sick

[kaydenverse]

Needy

pairing: König x gn reader

18+ MINORS DNI

genre: absolute filth

word count: 814

content warnings: size kink, overstimulation, begging, uhh idk

a/n: woaahh using proper punctuation now anyways i’m deeply in love with könig like very deeply

“I’m sorry,” König pants has he desperately ruts his hips against yours. “I’m sorry Mein Liebling, you just feel so good I can’t stop.” he groans against your shoulder.

You whine out, high and loud, when he pins one of your wrists next to your head while his other hand grips your hip. He’s still careful to not lean too much of his weight on you despite his rough handling of you at the moment.

He’d never forgive himself if he ever hurt you more than you can handle even after telling him countless times that you truly don’t mind.

“König-!” Part of you wants to arch into him and beg him for more but another part of you also wants the mattress beneath you to open up and swallow you whole so you could catch a few seconds of peace, a moment to piece your thoughts back together, before König is prying open the jaws of the cushiony monster and diving in after you to jumble your head all over again.

“Shh shh, you can handle it.” König nearly chokes on a moan when you tug at the ginger hair on the back of his neck.

You turn your head to the side and squeeze your eyes shut. There’s too much of that wonderful feeling pulsing through your body and you kick one of your legs out as if that will extend some of the pleasure outside your body but you’re simply stuck with the overwhelming buzz. In fact, your squirming is making him get just the right angle.

you’re going to burst at the seams.

“Baby,” You whimper and yank his head back just enough so he can see your face. “Please I can't.” you whine yet make zero effort to stop him.

König shoves his face back into the crook of your neck. “I’m so close, you feel so good. Been thinking about this all day.” his whiny tone is almost competition with yours.

König had been so needy all day, so much so that Horangi definitely caught the several times the Austrian man had pulled you aside for a not so sneaky kiss or two… or three… Horangi did walk in on the two of you making out on the sparring mat after König had pinned you during a sparring match. The both of you quickly apologized and excused yourselves from the room with Horangi teasing the two of you on your way out.

A short walk to your room on base and an hour later he's made you cum three times already, twice with his mouth because he eats like a starved man and once with his fingers while forcing you to look directly into his chestnut colored eyes. You’re quickly approaching your fourth high as König fucks you as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.

“You’re so small.” König lets out a breathy laugh above you. “Yet here you are taking me so well aren’t you?” he leans his kissed raw lips closed to your ear and what he whispers makes your mind go blank.

“I could break you and you’d love it, meine liebe.”

König, your darling boyfriend who shyly asks to kiss you and gets flustered when you call him pretty. Your König who handcrafts you gifts to leave in your bed whenever you're away on missions. you two are so sweet to one another around others that no one would ever guess that you both shamelessly get off on threatening one another while you fuck.

And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

The moan that escapes you is loud and König has the audacity to laugh at you. “I’m, ooh-“ you’re hurdling over the edge before you can get the words out.

König’s rhythm falters as you completely come apart underneath him. You scratch at his broad shoulders and shake, your high so intense your lips part but no noise falls from them. The Austrian manages to slide out of your despite your legs trying to lock him in place and he spills his release all over your stomach, whimpering and whining. He adores seeing you covered in his mess.

You barely have time to recover before König is frantically kissing down your torso to lick him his mess. You stare at the ceiling and shiver at the sensation of your König lapping up every last drop of his own cum on your stomach. Just when you think he’s done, he’s kissing down farther and that causes you to snap your head up to look at him.

“baby, wait,” You tug at the hair on the top of his head which only earns you a pleased moan as he settles himself between your thighs again. “please I can’t” you whine but he sees right through your fake protest.

“You can,” König hoists your thighs over his shoulders yet again. “and you will.”

[xmalfoyweasleyx]

Retrieving King!Steve

Warnings: dom!steve (but kinda softdom idk), king!steve but also sweetie/cutie boyfriend!steve , fem!reader, unprotected sex, facefucking, praise and humiliation kink, creampie, fingering, fluffy stuff at the ending :)

Summary: You can't help but wonder how it would feel like if your boyfriend returned to his high school glory days for a moment

A/N: Was listening to Djo when I wrote this lol, it's a matching vibe

Words: 1,4k

“What do you mean, you’re curious about King Steve?” Steve chuckled confused. You were laying on his bed, flipping through  some magazine. “Guess he was kinda hot” you smirked.

Steve was baffled. He went to sit down on the bed too, so he could take a closer look at his girlfriend’s face. “A-are you serious, wasn’t I a douche back then?” he stuttered, sounding almost offended by your statement. You only chuckled and shrugged.

“Come on, explain” he whined curiously. “I don’t mean I LIKE King Steve,  I like the new Steve so much more, he’s kind, sweet, loving, funny, but…” you sighed. “But what?!” He exclaimed with wide eyes and interest, crawling closer to you on the bed.

“I heard a lot of stuff in high school, and I heard King Steve was pretty wild and rough in bed, and you acted kind of sexy I must confess” you smirked.

Your boyfriend gasped, “what do you mean, I can STILL be wild in bed!!” he protested. You sighed, not knowing how to explain this new confession. “Our sex is great, I mean, more than great, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to sleep with the King of Hawkins High, the boy who could wrap every girl around his finger” you admitted.

“Would you maybe like me to retrieve that guy from somewhere deep within me?” he smiled, finally getting what you mean. “You want me to treat you like one of my conquests?” he smirked cockily.

That smirk right there was exactly what you meant. It wasn’t necessarily your intention to let this idea get this far. But he suggested it, and how could you say no to the way his eyes darkened already. “Would be interesting” you smirked.

Before you knew it Steve walked out of his room. 1 second later he stood there again, hands in his pockets and a different, but oh so familiar smirk on his face. He closed the door behind him and crawled onto the bed. “Don’t want to wake up ‘your parents’, right honey?” he grinned, dripping with confidence. You bit your lip and shook your head. 

He crawled on top of you and his breath tickled your lips, “don’t worry baby, Harrington’s got you” he whispered. Normally, this sentence would make you laugh but at this moment, you could already feel the wetness in your panties. He started kissing you passionately, his hands slowly stroking your hips, pushing your body impossibly closer to his. Steve’s hands wandered under your skirt, slowly stroking your panties. 

“So wet for me already?” he smirked. A few moments later he was already taking your panties and shirt off. You released a filthy moan when he inserted his finger and started pumping slowly. “S-Steve, more” you gasped. “Shh, easy baby, I’m just getting started” he said, kissing your nipples softly and inserting a second finger.

“But, I can’t wait Stevie” you moaned. “Does King Steve make you this horny? Wanting to get fucked raw?” he teased, moving his finger faster. “Want you to ruin me” you whimpered. That’s when Steve almost lost it, his cocked twitched in his pants. “You little slut” he groaned. The slapping sound of his hand on your ass filled his room. You moaned loudly. “Yea? You like that? You like being called a slut?” he almost moaned, enjoying this new dynamic. 

You whined when he slipped his fingers out of you. The boy grabbed you and turned you around, manhandling you like it's nothing. The sound of a belt buckle filled the room, which meant he was getting undressed. Your whole body  tingled with excitement.

His warm naked chest pressed against your back when he leaned down on you, your boobs now squished between the mattress. You gasp when he grabbed your hair roughly between his fingers, “here’s what’s going to happen,” he whispered in your ear from behind you, “you’re going to suck my cock first and then I will be more than happy to ruin you”.

You stayed in the same position on your stomach when he got up again, not knowing what to do next. That’s when Steve sat in front of you, his legs next to your face. You looked up at the boy with innocent eyes and he could only groan. Carefully, you grabbed his cock, licking a slow stripe until you reached the pretty tip. Steve groaned when you wrapped your sweet lips around him, sucking slowly. But a few moments later you already stopped. “Stevie?” you asked silently. “Yes?” he responded, confused at why you stopped. “Do you want to fuck my face? Please?” You almost begged.

Steve lost it. “Oh yes baby” he groaned. Without hesitation he grabbed your hair and placed your mouth on his cock again. He lifted his hips and you started to moan almost immediately. “Taking that cock so well baby, good girl” he moaned. “So pretty with my cock in your mouth” he babbled. The only thing you had to do was lie down and let him fuck your mouth, but it made you desperate, desperate for more. Steve groaned when he saw you grinding down on the mattress, searching for some friction. 

You whined when he pulled out. “Wanna make you cum in my mouth” you pouted. “I have a better idea” he answered, grabbing you by your hips he pushed you to the side of the bed. Steve stood up next to the bed and grabbed your thighs. You watched him curiously. Your legs hung off the side and Steve wrapped them around his hips, his cock touched your wet folds.

“Gonna fill you up, gonna mark you all over, making sure the whole school knows you got fucked so good by King Steve” he growled and pushed into you without a warning. Steve pounded into you without mercy, the moans and wet slapping sounds filled your ears, it was more than filthy. “S-Steve, harder” you gasped.

His hips moved with big force and he grabbed your left leg, lifting it. This new angle made you let out high-pitched moans. Steve kissed your foot that was next to his face sweetly, “doing so good for me” he hummed. His fingers stroked your propped-up leg gently, making your belly fill up with tingles and butterflies. “Oh Steve, Steve,..” moans of his name fell off your lips repeatedly.

His soft kisses made a pathway from your foot to your thigh while he leaned in lower, not breaking the rhythm of his harsh and fast thrusts. Steve was on top of you now, his weight pressing you on the mattress and his cock even deeper into you.

He looked beautiful above you with his red and sweaty face, his brown locks hanging over his face. Steve's mouth was agape, creating breathy sounds. He looked so hot. You were overwhelmed by the feeling of his thrusts and his hands grabbing the sides of your face harshly. “Gonna cum already Stevie” you moaned. “Yea? Gonna cum f’me? You thought I wasn’t capable of this hm?” he teased, starting to rub your clit with no mercy.

It went black before your eyes for a moment when you came. Screams of his name filled the room. Your pussy clenching hard around him. “That’s my girl, that’s my good pretty girl” he praised, while he kept wrecking your pussy.

His pretty moans became high-pitched, this always meant he was about to come too. “Please steve please, i need you to fill me up.” you begged. Steve made a hoarse, high pitched moan again, “Hmm, you want me to fill you with my seed hm ?” He hummed deeply. “Yes please, wanna feel it” you answered desperately.

Loud grunts came out of Steve’s mouth when he came. He made slow and deep thrusts. Making sure he filled you up deep enough, pushing so far and hard in that he almost breaks you in half. You moaned with him when you felt the warm feeling in you.

Steve fell next to you on the bed with heavy breaths, pushing you closer to him. Your legs wrapped around his and he had to hold in a groan when he felt his cum dripping out of you. He placed multiple sweet kisses on your neck, enjoying the smell of sex and your perfume.

“How was that?” he asked curiously. “Amazing, I think you don’t even realize how crazy hot and handsome you actually are” you breathed out, exhausted. Steve blushed thanks to your compliment and hides his warm face in your neck with embarrassment. “Aw Stevie” you melted by the way he got shy because of your praise, and all that after this amazing show he put on. “I really loved it, but I’m also glad the Steve I love is still here” you smiled, placing a kiss on his head.

“I love you” he murmered in the crook of your neck. “I love you too” you whispered.

[romana-after-dark]

Tell Me (Repost)

Dark!Miguel O'hara x fem!reader

Masterlist : Taglist

I posted this months ago and by the morning it only had like 6 likes by the morning lmfao and this was during the peak of Miguel days and I thought "wow this must be terrible" so I deleted it. However, it did well on AO3 so i decided to just report it.

Miguel tries to extract information from you via any means necessary DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

OH MY GOD DO NOT EAT IF YOU DONT LIKE DEAD DOVES

This is not like The Wrong Way where Joel alternates between horrific and soft. THIS IS JUST PLAIN DDDNE.

WARNINGS!!!!: DDDNE!!! Rape, non con, torture, verbal humiliation, degradation, forced anal, biting (fang baby), literally idk what got into me here, it's literally porn with no plot. I almost always have so much plot. Victim blaming, psychological torture, I want to reiterate its literally rape. I wanted to write for Miguel bc he's a hottie and spiderverse was amazing but lets be honest, its pretty popular on tumblr rn. However, I refuse to write without inspiration, so I won't just write something just bc it's popular. Besides, this may have gotten so far on the dark side it's not even gonna be liked XD anyway, i had genuine inspiration and I went with it. All apoligies.

700 words

*****************************

“Tell me.” Miguel O’hera grabbed your throat as you hung from the ceiling. He had been trying for hours to extract the information he wanted, using multiple forms of torture and you were exhausted, but refused to tell him what he wanted. When his hands began trailing your body, you knew the next method would be psycho-sexual.

“I’m not…” You gasp as a finger grazes over your tit. “I’m not telling you anything…”

“Hm.” was his non committal answer before cutting your ropes, watching you tumble onto the concrete. “I guess we’ll see.”

Only taking a moment to breath, you try to scramble away, but to where you aren’t sure. There’s nowhere to go, and a large man climbs on top of you hold your wrists together in on fist as his other undid his pants. You writhe underneath him, but screaming is useless.

“Get off me!” You kick and twist and scrape up your whole body that's exposed in the bra and underwear you were left hanging in, the cold floor ice against your skin. “GET OFF!”

“Oh, I’ll get off alright…” Miguel mumbles as he rips your bra off. “Tell me what I want to know, and I’ll stop.”

You weren’t sure you believed him, but you didn’t want to give up the information. Even as he strips off his pants, his insanely large frame keeps you pinned to the floor. There is no escape.

Miguel mumbles and scoffed ‘fine’ and two hands rip off your underwear, tossing the scraps aside. You scream as he pushes his fat tip into you, ripping you open slowly, slowly… allowing you to feel every inch, every vain, every hard and warm and pulsing part of him. “You can still stop this, carino.”

“No!” You whimper, deadset and determined to stay strong. You wouldn’t let him break you.

“Have it your way.” Dragging his hips back, Miguel pauses before he thrusted into you band fucks you mercilessly, you can feel the raw pain of him sliding in and out of you as you cry out, initially dry. The most humiliating part, however, came after several minutes of hm trying to coax the information out of you, slapping your face until your mouth bled, when he began laughing. “Oh my god, are you getting wet from this? So fucking pathetic.” 

Miguel looked down on you, your body wracked with pain and jolting with each thrust, he could practically feel your will breaking. “You probably enjoy this, do you play out scenarios like this with some pathetic little dicked man? Does it turn you on, knowing you have no choice? Little whore been fucked so many times she needs to feel like she’s being forced just to get wet?” His chuckle was dark and cruel as he continued to taunt you, your tears falling down your bloodied and bruised face. 

“You’re lucky I’m even touching this used up cunt.” Miguel leans over, licking at the tears and blood and spit on your face. “Tell me, and I’ll stop fucking your pussy. TELL ME!” He screams, painfully loud in your ear.

You break, telling him what he wanted. There wasn’t a part of you that really believed he’d stop, so you were surprised when he pulled out.

When he rolled you over, you began to ask. “What are you-” but are cut off by him ramming his cock up your ass. “FUCK!!!” You scream. He wasn’t lying, he did stop abusing your pussy, only to rip our asshole open.

“God, look at you…” Miquel sat back to admire his work, smirking at the way your ass contracted and spread around his thick cock. “I’d say you were made for me, but…” Chuckling, he slaps your ass. “But I can see how much you’re struggling to make room for me. No ones ever fucked you like this, have they? You should be thanking me.” Fangs dug sharply into your shoulder, drawing out more blood. “SAY THANK YOU!” Your ears rang with his screamed words, before another bite. “SAY IT!” He bit and screamed and bit and screamed until you finally cave.

“Thank you!” You sob, and he cums inside your ass with a loud, strangled groan.

Only when you shudder from the cold do you realize he’s gotten off you, his impossibly wide frame no longer covering you. Miguel tosses you a blanket, muttering something about how he may just have to keep you now.

******************

Eeeeeep well if you like it, please consider rebloging or leaving a comment!

[chanshoesunite]

Making yourself cum on Chan's arm

GENRE: smut, snark, idk arm kink?

WORD COUNT: 2223

Author’s Note (Co-curator Tortoise): This image has been living in my head rent free ever since they posted it. It is my lockscreen for heavens sake!! I have been imagining riding his arm EVERY DAY and it's just not healthy at this point. If you are like me, welcome, please leave a message so we can descend into madness together.

WARNINGS: rated M (minors do not engage!), masturbation, petting

„Oh my fucking GOD!“, you exclaim while staring at your phone. Luckily, no one is around, so you do not have to share the cause for your excitement – and despair. Chan has just posted a selfie with Changbin in the group chat “zoo and keeper 💪🐺🐰” between you three and Changbin’s girlfriend.

“Had a good set today~” was the accompanying text.

“Why would he do this to me”, you are absolutely stunned, while also knowing for sure that he has no idea what such a picture would do to you, seeing as you are simply the boys’ flatmate.

You wish you were more than that, so you could write something like Changbin’s girlfriend: “Tell Changbin I need him at my place urgently – it’s for sex reasons.”

You snort and think: “Same, girl. But we can’t all have fit as fuck boyfriends. Some of us have to suffer as singles while living with a perfectly eligible bachelor.”

However, you write: “EEEEWWWW, did NOT need to know this, will purge this from my memory in 3 – 2 – 1 – hey Changbin I have a weird feeling I won’t be seeing you around tonight so don’t forget to put the bins out tomorrow!!”

The ensuing snark in the chat has you grinning and helps you push The Picture out of your mind. It’s late in the afternoon on a Saturday so you decide to live it up and watch a Netflix documentary about some murder cult to distract yourself further. It works, but not for long, because inevitably Chan comes home, all by his lonesome and handsome self.

“Hey, what are we watching?”, he asks, flopping down on the sofa next to you once he has deposited his gym bag in his room. You risk a quick glance at him. Yep, still slightly wet hair from his shower, arms still pumped, veins still popping. God is testing you today.

“People being murdery”, you gesture vaguely at your glass and Chan helpfully reaches over to hand it to you. “Thanks.”

Your fingers brush his wonderfully warm skin and you take a breath and another peek. You notice something on his left hand and – damn it, damn yourself for not resisting – you grasp it lightly to take a closer look. His large hands are calloused, but surprisingly soft. You already knew that and you shamelessly relish the chance of touching him now under the guise of checking out the raw spot on his palm.

“And how did that happen?”, you wonder, “I thought you had callouses for dayyyys”, you stretch the sound while standing up to get some ointment.

“Ah, yeah”, he says shyly, rubbing his head, shouting after you, “you knaur, I guess I didn’t put my straps on properly.”

“Heh, strap-on”, you tease automatically as you walk back, cream in hand. You open the tube and put a pea-sized portion on his reddened skin. “Would’ve thought that makes you raw in other areas.”

“Oh my gosh, YN”, he laughs, letting his head fall back against the couch, then looking up cheekily, “I guess it depends how you use it?”

You huff a laugh, focusing on gently rubbing in the cream – fuck, you love doing this. You try not to make it last too long or be too sensual, but you cannot help but enjoy the texture of his skin under your fingers. You draw little circles on the redness, then use the cream to slightly push into the surrounding muscles of his hand as well.

“I’m not sure you know how to use a strap-on properly then! Best stick to the straps you know – and come find me if your callouses get defeated by your recklessness again.”

You pretend as if you want to get rid of the last bits of cream and travel your fingers up his sleeveless underarm, cruising his prominent veins for a few seconds. Then you quickly pull back and look at the TV screen again. Your fingers are warm from where you touched Chan’s arm, and you have to clench your hand to get rid of the tingly feeling in them. You brush your lips with the same hand that just touched Chan in a nervous tic, which only serves to make you even more nervous when you notice what you are doing and that Chan is still watching you. You pull your hand away from your mouth immediately.

“What?”, you ask, trying to play it cool, because obviously there is nothing to get all bothered by.

“Thanks”, he says simply, with a wide, happy smile. You feel like you could turn into putty when he smiles this way and you yearn to be moulded into something new by him. How dare his mouth and arms work in tandem like that? You try to save yourself by dialling up the drama in your voice:

“Ugh, it’s alright, I guess, all in a day’s work for a saint like me. I do accept alms in the form of chocolate and cash” – and cock, you add in your head, which makes you roll your eyes at yourself and back at the TV but you do catch a glimpse of Chan licking his lips before replying:

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

And you could bicker further, but his low voice took on a weird tone (playful, but sexy? Suggestive? Oh, lord!) and you have literally no spoons left to contain your horniness, so you try to ignore the gorgeous presence next to you and focus on murder.

***

Four hours later you wake up, with a weight on you in unfamiliar places. You have somehow managed to partly drape yourself over Chan –you are spooning into him, holding his left arm hostage like your favourite plushie. His t-shirt is wet where you drooled on him, his head is resting above you. You are surprised to find him asleep, considering his insomniac tendencies.

Still quite dazed, you relish the feeling of his upper arm and side against your body. You lie there, just existing, enjoying this fleeting moment, listening to Chan’s calm breaths, the beating of his heart that you could swear you can feel from where his muscular arm is pressed against you.

When he moves in his sleep, you unwillingly relent your grip. Better to let him turn freely than wake him up. But he doesn’t move away – at least, not the way you expected. He grumbles, flexing his triceps as he slides his arm down. His arm is now lying between you and him, his hand is resting on your thigh, which you have tucked up against you, turning you into a little croissant.

On instinct, you slightly open your legs to let his hand in. You wonder what the hell you are doing. He hooks his hand between your thighs. You wonder what the hell HE is doing. Chan pulls you closer with an ease that both delights and disgusts you in the best possible way. You don’t breathe. He doesn’t let go. His hand is now nicely sandwiched between your legs. His fingers squeeze the meaty part of your thigh, tantalizingly close to your pussy. You lift your head, trying to look in his face. Is he still asleep? Are you his plushie now? Have you died and gone to heaven?

He seems peacefully asleep and you lie back down carefully. You are now much closer to him. You feel hot and a bit shivery. His fingers continue to flex in obviously involuntary movements, his synapses firing in deep sleep. Your eyes drift shut with pleasure.

It feels good. His touch, his proximity, this entire situation. You are taut as a bowstring from excitement. You experimentally touch Chan’s upper arm again, holding on, gently stroking the exposed skin with your thumb. He is so soft and his muscles so thick you could sink your teeth into them.  

With the smallest gasp, you cannot help but roll your hips into his hand, very carefully, to cause that sweet friction you have been denied so far. Lightning strikes through your clit into your stomach.

“Oh shit”, you think, “oh shit, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Because you cannot stop yourself now. Chan’s heady closeness, his smell, his warmth, his fingers and now your own naughty movement have pushed you over an edge and you have to keep rolling, rocking yourself into him. You try to hold back, to be as soft as you can. You make a keening sound, nearly inaudible. You feel like you are being set on fire.

And then Chan turns over and captures you tightly. He rotates the arm between your legs so his hand is splayed on your arse cheek, holding on. His other arm comes down on your other side. He hovers over you, his elbows propping him up while his free hand snakes under your head to grab you in the nape of your neck. You cannot escape from the tight space he has created.

You suck in a shocked breath, your eyes snap open. His face is so close. Before you can move or say anything, try to explain yourself, he grins down at you.

“I knew you liked my arms, YN”, his voice is hoarse and quiet, laced with satisfaction, “I just didn’t know you liked them that much.”

“I’m so sorry”, you say with a panicked look on your face, trying to squirm out of his grasp, “I didn’t think…I didn’t mean to…”

Chan neither lets you finish your sentence nor continue your futile struggle against the virtual wall he has created with his body. He flexes the arm between your legs up against your crotch, squeezing your bum tightly.

“Fffuuuhhck”, you let out a broken moan from the sudden stimulation and your eyes drift shut again. This is what you needed. All the little movements you dared to make before cannot compare in any way to this. Chan’s large hand on your neck squeezes slightly.

“I like it when you swear”, Chan says, looking down at you, relenting the pressure of his arm and then pushing in again, making you gasp, bucking your hips, “and I like it when you use me. So, go on, YN…use me.”

You decide that this is the most realistic sex dream you ever had and to just fucking go with it. You pull Chan’s head down to cover his plump lips with soft kisses. He opens his mouth for you and it feels like he is ready to devour you. When his tongue touches yours for the first time, you feel like you might cum on the spot. His lips and tongue seem to tease you, promising more pleasure.

Your other hand grabs his arm, feeling his magnificent muscles straining to give you as much friction as you need. You start riding his arm slowly but with strength behind every roll of your hips.

“Come on, YN, I can take it.”

It’s dizzying. You pick up your pace, and soon there is no rhythm to your movements anymore, just plain wanton need to feel more. You are moaning into his mouth as he lets his tongue play with yours.

“That’s right, just like that. You have been holding back for so long, being all proper with me, I am so glad you are finally letting loose, you look fucking beautiful, my little princess.”

His low voice, his self-assured tone is driving you closer to your peak, and Chan can tell by your frantic movements and sounds. He kisses your lips, down your jaw. He squeezes your arse and your nape as he growls into your ear: “Keep going, baby girl. Cum on me.”

Yes, this is what you needed.

With a throaty moan you press your wet pussy against his strong underarm and ride out your orgasm, whimpering nonsense. Chan leans his forehead against yours, whispering how sexy you are while you spasm under him.

After what feels like millenia, you go limp. You are breathing hard, still making little noises as you come down from your high.

“Oh, fuck me, oh, that was so good”, you gasp.

Chan lies down next to you and pulls you in tight. He nuzzles your neck and you can feel his grin.

“Yeah? I think so too. Very hot. I especially liked it when you said I am your own personal Adonis.”

You groan and hide your face in your hands.

“I did say that didn’t I?! This is all the fault of. That. Picture.”

You turn around and accentuate your words with pinches to his shoulder and biceps. Chan laughs and catches your hand before it can pinch any further, kissing your fingers.

“You knaur, I never thought this would happen, but I am very happy it did”, he turns a little serious and looks into your eyes intently. “I think you are really cool and hot. And I would like to do this again. Maybe you will find some other parts of me even more enjoyable.”

You cock an eyebrow, making a show of looking him up and down.

“Hm, you think so, do you? Well, you muscular, arrogant, delectable, little shit, I will be the judge of that!”

And with that you attack his lips and push your hand down his pants to reward him for his existence in general and the orgasm he gifted you in particular.

[amandabbbbb]

omg can you write Sarah best friend!reader, and rafe and reader pretend to hate each other in front of all they’re friends but behind close doors they are like friends with benefits

this is kinda different from what you asked! hope you still like <3 rafe teases reader a ton bc he wants her sooo bad idk i added a little smut so I guess that’s a warning!!!!!

“gimme that back, rafe!” you shouted.

“y/n, if you keep drinking, you will be a fucking mess like you always are,” rafe said in a sarcastic tone, snatching the drink out of your hand.

“sarah, tell him to give it back to me. your brother’s the worst,” you exclaimed.

you never understood why he was always so mean to you but never to your other friends. sarah and all your friends laughed at how much rafe would annoy you. it was like you and rafe’s weird friendship had become a norm that everyone was used to and would laugh at. he never wanted to be mean to you, but he literally couldn’t help it. rafe found you so pretty and cute, just the lovely, kind girl who was attached to sarah’s hip. he never knew how to approach you. his shyness turned into meanness every time he was in your presence.

“don’t you have your own pool, y/n? seriously, all your tanning oil is clogging up our drains!” he actually loved the tanning oil that would make your perfect skin glisten when he would watch you roll around in the sun, trying to hide his hard on.

topper laughed, “why are you always so mean to y/n? she’s literally the nicest out of all of sarah’s friends!”

rafe rolled his eyes, knowing deep down he was only mean to you because he couldn’t have you. you thought he was so dumb and annoying, but cute.

sarah went to bed. you couldn’t sleep, kind of annoyed by the way rafe was treating you. he was always mean to you, but extra mean today. you were mean to him too, but never could keep up with his cruelty. you stayed up watching your favorite show, jersey shore.

“this snooki girl is just as annoying as you, y/n!” he said as he threw himself down on the couch a little too close to you.

“rafe, i think i’m running out of shut ups to throw at you,” you replied.

the silence in the big tannyhill living room became awkward.

“you know i like you, y/n?” he blurted out.

you laughed, “you’re kinda funny sometimes, you know that?”

“no, i’m fucking serious. i want you so bad,” rafe stated with a strict look.

for a moment, you were taken aback. his eyes bore into yours with an intensity you hadn’t seen before. you realized he wasn’t joking. your heart raced, and you could feel the tension building between you two.

“okay, this is… weird. what about sarah?” you whispered, a small smile tugging at your lips.

“i don’t give a fuck about sarah,” rafe said angrily.

before you could say anything else, rafe leaned in and kissed you. it was rough at first, a release of all the pent-up frustration and desire.

his hands roamed over your body, tugging at your clothes impatiently. you helped him, eager to feel his skin against yours. when he finally pushed himself inside you, it was raw and passionate, a collision of need and longing. you gasped at the sensation, your nails digging into his back as he moved inside you.

“rafe,” you whispered, your voice filled with need.

“i’ve wanted this for so long,” he murmured against your skin.

afterward, you lay next to him, both of you breathing heavily.

“you’re not so bad when you’re not being a dick, rafe,” you teased.

he rolled his eyes, pulling you closer, not wanting to let go of you. “yeah, well, maybe this changes a few things.”

[tsukasalvr]

hihi I'm starting to hyperfix on tbhk again and the lack of tbhk writers on here is criminally low :,)

sooo could you do teru minamoto x supernatural!reader but the reader is a type of supernatural that's like a vampire but not really like she needs blood and flesh to survive but she can like be in light. maybe she blends into the school to try to regain any type of humanity and teru notices and thinks shes gonna harm a student but when he confronts her she confesses that she just wants to fit in. So teru kinda just drags her around to make sure she doesn't go bonkers and it turns out she actually is nice and not malicious but still seems extremely weak from the lack of blood to maybe teru offers his arm to drink from and he realizes that not all supernaturals are bad

I'm tried while writing this so sorry if the plot seems to complicated or something

also I dont mind if its headcanons or a one shot whichever fits you're schedule <333

AN: FRRRR like the tbhk writers rn are doing amazingggg!!!!!! But there’s literally so few of them and idk if I would consider myself an active tbhk writer cus I’m so inconsistent with my works LMAO but I do have a lot of tbhk works so I guess I’m pretty good

supernatural!vampire!reader

Anime/fandom: Tbhk

Character: Teru Minamoto

Warnings: I don’t proofread

A/n: I love girls and I love girls girls bless all the girls

Tbhk masterlist | Main masterlist

Teru Minamoto

It’s one thing that you’re a supernatural, but it’s another that you’re also a vampire which makes you an even more danger to other students

He watched you sneakily, hoping to catch you alone, but you’re always hanging around other people smiling and laughing that it makes him curious on what’s your motive. Are you getting close to these people so you can feed on them later? But he hesitates on that thought with how real your smile looks, as if you really do enjoy hanging around others and don’t want to feed on them

It’s hard to catch to you alone and is only able to find you alone when it’s the end of the school day, you looked at him worried and explain your situation on how you don’t want to feed on others and just want to be a normal student and how if he wanted, he can watch until he believes her

Teru doesn’t know why he decides to believe and trust you, he’s never hesitated like this. So the next day he never strays far away from you and it isn’t till a week later where he finally believes you but still wants to watch you just for the safety of others, which you agree with

Teru can’t help but want to smile whenever he sees you and even though he knows it’s wrong, it doesn’t take long until the both of you become a couple and he sees how tired you actually are and how you try to hide it but it only seems to get worse every day

He gets worried and without thinking offers his arm and neck for you bite on so you drink some of his blood. But even after he realizes what he said, he doesn’t go back on what he says and reassures you it’s okay and although your hesitant, you agree and at least once a week, Teru lets you feed on him a little and will ask if raw meat will work the same if he isn’t available

Although Teru thinks it feels weird and can’t help but blush whenever you bite him, it’s all worth it to see you better

[stardusthuntress]

Ancient Remedies

Rex x female!reader (she/her pronouns only, I think) 

Word Count: ~3k, ~ 8 pgs

Inspired by the fanart below (I found it on Pinterest, but idk if that's where it originally came from) with Rex and Kix talking about how Rex’s arm is still numb -- after the Cut and Suu episode -- and Rex is tired of being in the med bay and tells Kix “It’s fine, I have another one”. Though, while writing this fic I pictured with a slightly different injury, since she keeps touching his chest, but you are welcome to imagine whatever version you like! 

TW: Rex is injured, but it is never described beyond basic symptoms of nausea and annoyance. I guess Rex being slightly more than just a little flirty once he realizes the woman he likes likes him back? Not much else to report here, this one is smut free! BUT still NO minors!!! 

dividers by: @/djarrex

Rex is protesting. He does not want to be bedridden any longer. Kix has recruited the help of the ARC troopers and a few of Rex’s longest friends (Jesse and Hardcase) to help persuade him that the 501st is in good hands, until Rex has healed. They are no more successful than Kix… 

She spots the chaos as she enters the officers’ med tent, her shift just starting. 

Kix gives her an exasperated, pleading look from across the tent. She laughs lightly to herself. 

“No. I’m fine, I need to—“ Rex starts. 

“No, Captain, you really need to rest. I will order you to bed if I have to, but I don’t think the men need to see their Captain falling that low, now do they?” Kix counters. 

“Captain,” Fives pipes up, Echo at his side, doing their best to support Kix, “We’ve finished setting up defense stations around the perimeter of the camp!” 

“And you’ll be happy to know they all meet every regulation requirement for camp perimeter safety and scouting party preparedness!” Echo adds, always happy to announce regulation compliance amongst his teams. “So if we need to we ca—“ 

Rex cuts him off, “Great! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish my reports for the war council. Their decision could affect the next—“ but he never gets a chance to finish. 

As the woman enters the officers' med tent, she begins to sing softly. Her melodic voice is just loud enough to be heard faintly over the din of their chaos, but just soft enough to silence them as they redirect their attention to listen intently. 

She approaches the group huddled around the Captain - he’s the only patient in this tent, thankfully - and the men automatically step aside as she nears, still singing. 

In his protest, Rex had managed to plant his feet firmly on the ground, and was starting to try to stand, though his shakey stature and sweaty skin told a different story. 

She reached out and placed a hand on his bare chest, gently urging him back to a seat on his cot. 

Barely a moment ago, Rex’s senses had been filled with the all too familiar chaos of his troops. Now they were filled with only her. His brothers were merely a periphery artifact he barely remembered was there. She stood so close to him, the pressure of her palm on his chest so soft, her voice so melodic. Rex was shocked into silence. He never knew she could sing like this! She’d sung a few old traditional songs from her people around a campfire for him and his men before, but nothing like this. Her voice was beautiful in a raw, natural sort of way! 

She smiled, voice ringing like a bell, as the Captain finally let himself relax onto the edge of the cot. 

Behind her, Fives smirked, and elbowed Echo. Their faint noises reminded the Captain they were there. He gave them an annoyed look over her shoulder.

Echo elbowed Fives back to shut him up. 

Kix sighed, “Good. Here,” he thrust the bottles of the meds he’d been trying to get Rex to take into her hands, “You try.” 

She laughed, and Rex noticed the melodic tune in her laugh. He was once again entranced, barely aware of his men. 

“Hmmmm,” she hummed, looking at the bottles Kix had given her one by one. Then she shook her head and set them aside on the nightstand. 

Kix opened his mouth to protest, but stopped when he noticed she was singing softly again. She had a way of silencing the men with just a few notes, if she wanted to, he noticed. 

A gentle finger found Rex’s chin and tipped it up, turning his face left and right as she examined him with the expression of a lover who knew their partner would inevitably get into trouble and get hurt, but would be okay in the end. Then she rummaged through her pockets and extracted two gauze pouches. One parcel she untied and picked up a piece of what looked like a sugar-encrusted root. 

She tapped the side of Rex’s chin so gently he barely even noticed it. 

“Open.” She commanded, but there was no commanding tone in her voice, only care. 

Rex didn’t know why he automatically complied, opening his mouth for her, all he knew was that he didn’t object to it. 

She placed a small piece of the sugary root on his tongue, and instructed him to chew. He complied. Unable to resist her instruction when the softness of her fingers brushed against his bottom lip as they left his mouth. 

“MMMMMmmm,” Rex chewed, but savored the flavor. It tasted much better than the disgusting, powder-textured meds and the food rations they were used to. 

“What exactly did you just feed the Captain?” Kix asked from beside them, one brow raised and arms crossed, tone somewhere between bemused and annoyed that he wasn’t consulted beforehand. 

“Old remedy from home that my mother used to use on me, and her mother used on her, and so on, for generations. It’s just crystallized ginger root.”

Rex finished chewing and swallowed. He seemed happier. “That was, really good,” he said shyly, still chasing the remnants of the flavor around his mouth. 

“Is that where all my gauze has gone?” Kix asks, gesturing at the two parcels in her hand. 

“Just one roll. We have plenty.” She points out. 

Kix gives her a look, and raises a brow like he’s still expecting more of an explanation for the ginger. 

“Ginger helps with stomach aches,” she tells them. Turning towards Rex she adds, “You looked a bit pale and clammy, which suggested a stomach ache. And one of those,” she gestured over her shoulder to the medicine bottles she’d discarded on the nightstand, “was supposed to help with that too. Thought something like ginger might, at the very least, cheer you up and put a better flavor in your mouth than those bland ration packs, even if it didn’t help with the stomach issues.” 

Kix and Echo exchanged a glance, picking up pieces of the sugared root and sniffing skeptically. 

“You can eat it, it’s also used to flavor food any old time, it just also helps with stomach aches if you have one.” She tells them. To prove it, she grabs a piece and puts it in her mouth. 

The men watch her for a moment before snapping back into gear. 

Kix pops one in his mouth. His eyebrows raised in awe. “MMMMMMMmmmm!” 

Echo looks at it suspiciously. 

“That does taste good,” Kix swallowed, eyeing the rest like he wants to try another one, just for good measure, “but does it really help with a stomach ache?” 

“I think so. Like I said, my family has been using it for generations. We have recipes to dry it and sugar coat it like this so it lasts and is easy to travel with. It’s also a good snack in the field.” 

“Sugar-coated! Can I try one?” Fives asks. 

“I don’t see why not,” she laughs. 

Fives opens his mouth. He wants her to put one on his tongue like she did with the Captain. 

She laughs and feeds him one too, Echo scoffs and shares a glance with Kix when they notice that her finger does not brush Fives’ lip like she did with the Captain. 

She turns to Jesse, who stands behind Rex, on the other side of the bed. “Could you hand me one of the self-warming mugs from that shelf over there, Jesse?” 

Jesse nods and jumps to it, quickly, seemingly thrilled to have been specifically requested, even if it was a menial task. 

Kix still stands with one brow raised and arms crossed. He’s never seen the men comply so readily for anyone, even an angry Captain Rex. And yet apparently a kind, gentle woman, with one hell of a voice, and a pocket full of sweets could get this reaction from them. He sighed and shook his head with a smirk. Well, it wasn’t like they saw a lot of attractive women around a battlefield filled with identical faces and droids. 

“Hardcase, could you fill the mug with water for me?” She asks, handing it to him, back in medic mode. 

Hardcase too, does as ordered quickly and with a big grin on his face. 

“Thank you, boys.” She smiles at them, placing the now-warming mug on the bedside table and turning back to the other cloth bundle in her hand. 

“What’s that?” Fives cranes his neck to see what’s in her hand. Eager to see if she has other treats he could ask her to feed him too. 

She laughs again, allowing them to see. “More ginger root, dried lemon, candied honey, and lavender, this one is for making tea. Another old remedy from my family. Also good for a stomach ache, warming up, and rehydrating with electrolytes, it goes in the warm water to steep. All things that are supposed to relax a tired mind.” She raises a brow at Rex as she finishes. 

Rex shyly stares at the floor, scratching the back of his neck, laughing as a smirk plays at the corner of his mouth. “Hah, sorry. I know I’m supposed to stay in bed. I just get restless.” 

“Oh, she gets an apology? Who’s been putting up with you for the last 3 hours?” Kix protests, though the expression on his face would imply there’s more brotherly comedy in his question than pain. 

“Sorry Kix,” Rex adds, still not looking at anyone from his seat on the edge of the cot. 

“Hmmmm, well I guess that means now he’s your problem,” Kix nudges her as she bobs the tea bag in hot water, and tries not to smile too much at his comment as Kix grabs Jesse and Hardcase by the arm, propelling them backward out of the tent. “I presume you can occupy the ARCs for a bit?” Kix asks over his shoulder as the flap drops behind them. 

That snaps Rex back into Captain mode. “Fives! Echo! You said you set up permitted stations as requested. I presume that means you are the first two on patrol rounds, for the next few hours?” 

”Uhhh,” Fives is confused. They already did their patrol. They were here because they were done with it. 

“Yes, sir!” Echo answers, grabing Fives’ elbow, and steering them both out of the door. 

Once outside, they seem to forget that tents are flimsy compared to starship walls, and burst out in a fit of giggles and nudges. 

“You are ARC troopers!” Rex calls after them, and their shadows on the tent entrance straighten up, as they attempt to hide the laughter, and scuttle away. 

Rex is now alone with the woman he’s been falling hard for. Both his dream and his nightmare all at once. He fidgets, and considering getting up to speak to her eye-to-eye, like a respectful Captain would.

She turns back to him, mug in hand, and once again places her hand on Rex’s chest, urging him to stay seated, seemingly aware of what he was considering. Rex relaxes with a chuckle. He can take a hint. 

She offers him the mug, and he takes a sip. 

This too is very good, and very flavorful. “Wow!” He says, watching the way the water absorbs the contents of the makeshift teabag. “Your mother used to use this on you as a kid, huh?” 

“Yeah. Old Mandalorian family knows a thing or two about comfort foods and quick remedies on the battlefield.” 

Rex huffs a laugh, “And how to tame a room full of rowdy and annoyed soldiers in a medbay, apparently.” He jokes. 

She laughs. “That was just a trick I’ve always wanted to try. Thought it might help relieve some of the tension in the room.” 

“Yeah, waiting to heal has always been stressful for me. I need to be doing something, it’s… just the way I am, I guess.” He tells her, taking another big sip. 

She smiles, and takes the mug from him to set on the bedside table. Her palm still on his chest, he can now feel light pressure as she pushes him back onto the bed. 

He looks up at her with surprise. 

She laughs. “Lay back, you need rest.” 

He swings his feet up onto the bed and starts to settle onto the thin cot. “Well, it worked by the way. The singing trick. Sure had my men wrapped around your finger there. I think Fives, especially, was quite taken with you by the end of all that.” He tries to keep the jealousy from his voice when he says it. 

She smiles shyly, “He’s not the one it was intended for.” 

Rex looks up at her with a mixture of hope and surprise. Of course, now that he thinks about it, it makes sense that she was trying to charm him, the Captain. He was the one she openly chose to sing to, and touch, and feed in front of his troops and best friends. Now propped up on pillows as she tucks him into the scratchy, standard issue, field med kit blanket, he reaches up with one hand and curls a finger under her chin this time to turn her face towards him. 

She looks happily surprised when her eyes meet his. 

He brushes a thumb over her bottom lip as his eyes watch her mouth part for a moment. Then he allows himself to lean up and press a kiss to her lips. 

She presses back. 

After a moment, she can feel him shaking with the effort of holding himself up, and their lips part. 

Rex sighs, tired of needing to heal. She smiles and again presses her palm to his bare chest, making herself comfortable on the edge of the bed where he once sat. This time, he rests a hand atop hers on his chest. Still watching her lips, he licks his lips to chase after the flavors of the tea and sugared root she’d fed him, not to mention the feel of her lips. He could still feel her warmth where her fingers had brushed his lip when she fed him. He smiles. “That ginger stuff was good, but it tastes even better from your lips,” he tells her. ”Can I have one more?” 

She smiles, reaching for the little pile sitting on the nightstand atop the fabric it was once wrapped in. She returns her gaze to his as she brings the candied root to his lips. Rex reaches for her wrist, and guides her hand with soft fingertips. But this time, instead of letting her place it on his tongue, his lips wrap around her fingers and the candied root, and he carefully sucks and licks the sugar off of her, never breaking eye contact. 

He likes watching the way her chest rises and falls as she swallows hard and pants at his ministrations. 

When he’s done, he gently pulls her fingers from his mouth, and rests them on his chest as he finishes eating the sweet treat. He relishes in the feel of her wet fingers on his warm chest, knowing it’s his doing. He’s not sure where the sudden burst of confidence came from, but as she leans forward to press her forehead to his, he’s glad he did. 

“Stay with me, tonight,” he whispers. 

She laughs again, “Well considering that I'm the only medic on duty in here, it would be irresponsible of me to leave you alone tonight,” she winks at him, biting her lip. 

Rex smirks, and wraps an arm around her waist where she sits at his side. “Well, I can think of one thing that’ll keep me in bed this time?” He tries. 

She nods for him to continue. 

“We both need rest,” he pats the cot next to him, “I know it’s not comfortable – at all, really – but… will you join me?” 

She’s smiling at the floor, more brightly than Rex has ever seen her smile before. 

You look up at him out of the corner of your eye, and bite your lip again. 

Rex’s eyes are drawn to your lips. 

You spot the movement, and decide to do something about it. 

So you lean forward and place a kiss on his lips this time. 

Rex spots your movement, leans forward, and meets your lips in the middle. 

His heart monitor beeps at the two of you, a warning to the medic that the patient's heartrate is accelerating, and you separate. 

Outside Kix chuckles. He had a feeling he knew why. One peek inside confirms his theory. 

Well, he supposes he can tell the others she has succeeded where they could not, the Captain is back in bed and staying there, hopefully for a while. 

“WOW, are you two just the quietest—“ Kix opens the tent flap, expecting to find a new couple making out, at the very least, but is pleasantly surprised by what he does find: his commanding officer and assistant medic sleeping soundly. Captain’s arm wrapped around her waist, and she’s tucked into his chest. 

Finally! Now Kix can enjoy some peace and quiet for a little while. Most of the other troopers have gone to bed now that the adrenaline from battle has worn off, and the exhaustion set in. Well, maybe soon he can, he still has one more check-in with Jesse and Hardcase, who appear to be goofing off near the temporary armory. That won’t do. This must be what it feels like to be Rex, and have to round up his mischievous heathens every day, after every battle… Perhaps the least Kix can do is handle it this time around so the Captain can catch up on sleep, heal, and spend some time with his new partner. 

Please don’t steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog (don't just like) to share instead of reposting it! And NO dropping it into an AI! That’s stealing my work and feeding it to an AI without my consent. It is not okay to give an AI something you didn’t write yourself! 

taglist: @cw80831

[jenyifer]

Pit Babe Ep 9 initial reaction

I wish the music was better mixed why is it so loud?!

Also another issue I’m having why is it that EVERYONE with powers is Tony’s kid. I have a new idea have someone a spy go in get the list of adult Tony kids band together and kill or sue the fucker?

Anyways this show isn’t for thinking it’s for fun.

Let’s enjoy it

They are just too cute look at my fave lesbian representation here. They are both lesbian coded in my head don’t say anything diff. Nonbinary rulers they two of them clueless cute and fashionable

Pete is actually trying to do some good here Babe. Idk what Babe was going to do go up there and get kidnapped? He doesn’t have abilities. He would have just put the kids in more danger. Okay but if Pete is an enigma I won’t mind you know 🙌🏻 but he’s Kenta’s man

The actor for babe really pulled at my heart with how he cried felt extremely real and raw it’s hard to do sad angry I felt like I could feel all his regrets for good and bad times.

Ooooo bad buddy apartment is bringing good luck. You tell him Jeff you are Alan’s boy now uwu

Jeff is the sweetest goodest boy we got because Charlie is too chaotic to live. Alan is getting the best of Tony’s kids

I won’t have forgiven Dean this easily. I also don’t see how racing is of the heart. I was a singer long long time ago now that can use heart. You ever listened to a recording of a song then seen it in concert and the meaning feels different? That is emotion. RM from BTS once talked about how it was a weakness Jungkook has. Jungkook is technically amazing every time but he needed emotion for the song. Idk how you do that with a car though.

But North and Sonic’s outfits10/10 no notes please both come on a date with me. I’ll teach them their ABC’s and how to play the quiet game lmao

Charlie is so death focused it’s time for him to finally self sacrifice himself for Babe. I mean they have only been hinting at it forever? I do like this setting for the confession. It’s a skate park so still wheels and stuff idk it feels fitting this is where Charlie makes the decision.

iconic. Perfection. I’d watch their stream.

Okay soo why would Tony trust Jeff. Jeff runs away all the time. Also Jeff must really feel in debted to Charlie to go along with whatever crazy scheme he’s got when have Charlie’s plans gone right? Never. Gahhhhh Charlie whyyyy

Awwww I did like this racing scene even tho Charlie lost I liked that babe believed in him. It was very nice.

I guess we are going to have kidnapped Charlie next ep and way is going to torture him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I missed having my other fave good boy Kim in this episode. Surely he has family or something back in Korea wondering where he is. He’s too good to go missing.

[magicwithineleteo]

Bestie you like Rina right? What's your favorite moment of them from each season? 💖

hi twin!!!

yes i love love love rina i’d say it’s my favorite ship from hsmtmts and honestly maybe top 10 ships in general <3

this is gonna be really hard bc i love their overall journey so much and i can’t name just one moment from every season so i’m gonna name a few per season bc i cannot choose lmao

also there are countless parallels i left out bc i forgot them

season 1:

- character introductions

okay this technically is an honorable mention but i still think it’s important, in the character introductions video, when asked if he’s intimidated by gina, ricky says…

No, actually. Can’t say she does.

i love this line bc everyone was intimidated by gina. she was new, a triple threat, an ultimate bad b who was confident in herself. and that scared the other kids. but ricky was the only one who wasn’t.

when asked about ricky, gina says…

Ricky intrigues me…and I don’t get intrigued.

AHHH??? sorry that just is so AHHHH

- skatepark scene

this scene, i’d say is arguably one of the most important scenes in the whole show. ricky is basically done w the show because he thinks that he’s ruining the show and if he stays in the show, nini will leave and she needs to be the lead, so he unofficially quits. he’s just been scolded(?) or idk nini ranted about how he’s ruining it and how he sinks. he goes to the skatepark and who does he see? gina. now i know her intentions weren’t the best at the time, and she at the time just wanted nini out, but that conversation is what kept ricky in the show, as he confirms a few episodes later. she literally was the only reason he stayed with the show, he was literally about to drop out for nini. she reassured him after him already doubting himself and not knowing what he was doing and nini being rude to him in front of everyone.

That’s why I was stoked when she casted you. Outsiders keep everyone else on their toes. I mean it. You kept us real.

It’s probably better to have someone up there who can actually keep time. That 5 and 6 stuff?

You don’t need Carlos to tell you how to move. He bites other people’s styles. You have your own.

- homecoming car scene

this scene is monumental in the shows history bc this is where rina was officially born i’d say. this scene literally changed the trajectory of the show. firstly, the rina cue was born. he once again says that gina isn’t scary or intimidating.

Let me guess, you pictured a raw iron gate and a bunch of gargoyles?

Kinda. You’re not that scary.

then he confirms that he stayed in the show solely bc of her

I kinda owe you a thank you, actually.

For what?

You’re the reason I stayed with the show. That night at the skatepark? You set me straight, and it’s been a big deal for me, the Troy thing.

Well it suits you.

[…]

You know I…I meant what I said…at the skatepark about you having your own style. I don’t even think I knew how much I meant it when I said it.

and then in the next episode he says that he can’t forget anything that happened at homecoming. WHEN SHE SAID ALL THAT AND THEN KISSED HIS CHEEK

- when there was me and you

gina was the only one who supported his acoustic idea and he played it for her and SERENADED HER. the entire season and show people have been rude to ricky (nini, ej, his parents, miss jenn) and gina is the only one who consistently supports him <3

not only does gina like ricky but he’s also her first friend at east high, the first person she broke her walls around.

at this point, ricky isn’t chasing after nini anymore. and gina isn’t chasing after the lead anymore. they’re both free to just be.

ricky only starts to pursue nini romantically again after gina leaves. because what was he gonna do about his feelings when gina was leaving forever ?? and he was focused on gina too, constantly texting her and trying to talk to her after she stopped showing up to school. he only started liking nini again or focusing on his old feelings because gina was out of the picture and they didn’t think they’d ever meet again. which is why the next section is :O

- stick to the status quo

this was a BIG deal because ricky really thought he’d never see gina again and to see her onstage , performing , was a big shock. she kept re emphasizing how this was her last time seeing them and how it’s one night only.

Don’t blink, you’ll miss me.

The disappearing Gina act.

One night only!

ricky knew she wouldn’t be back so there was no point to do anything with his feelings, because he buried them down after thinking he’d never see her again. what was the point of confessing to her that he likes her if she wasn’t gonna be in his life anymore? she pretty much cut communication with him after she left so there was no point. so he focused on nini and confessed to her.

we later learn there’s more that happened that night.

but now, ricky is with nini and gina gets a surprise offer by ashlyn to stay with her for the next semester.

BOOM SEASON 1 ENDED

season 2:

- valentine’s day conversation

god this scene is so packed .

ricky and gina’s relationship is based on understanding. they say things in this scene like

Valentine’s day is kinda hard for me this year, and I thought of all people, you would understand.

You did?

Yeah well..my mom’s been my valentine every year since I was 4. I guess I thought she would send me a stuffed bear as kind of our tradition. Um, but I just got off the phone with her, and it sounds like she forgot. But she works crazy hard hours. So…

Yeah, I…I get that. Um, missing your mom.

I knew you would. Sorry, there’s just some things I tell you that I don’t really tell anyone else.

Yeah, no, I think we do that for each other.

this conversation reminds me of the one they had in thanksgiving which is also a direct parallel of gina coming to ricky’s home and them understanding each other like no one else where this happened…

Is everything okay?

Yeah, yup…okay, no. I guess my mom has a new boyfriend and it’s just a lot. Sorry, I hate to be a downer.

Look, I…I get it.

No offense, but I’m not sure you do.

Let me guess, you’re mad that everyone and everything because just when you’re getting used to things changing, they change again. Am I close?

A little bit.

[…]

Do what makes you happy.

ricky and gina are incredible because he’s the boy who hates change and she’s the girl whose world is always changing, and they find solace in each other.

- opening night flashback scene

this scene also is so pivotal!! we see gina confess to ricky that she would’ve pursued him had she not moved away. this scene is so beautiful. we also see ricky later regret not stopping her.

You were amazing out there, Ricky. I mean, Breaking Free?

Um, guess so.

Trust me, I’m a theatre person. You guys made some magic.

Yeah, it was actually good to get something right, for once. I guess you have that feeling all the time.

I don’t do anything right the first time, Ricky. My thing is that I just keep pushing. And I never quit.

I know you don’t.

So, I guess I just wanna say that…um…sorry this is so stupid, I don’t know why I’m crying.

Say it.

I wouldn’t quit on us if I wasn’t moving away…So now, I’m gonna give you a really tight hug, and then I’m gonna walk away with my head held high. Okay?

Okay.

AH THIS SCENE IS SO PACKED

firstly, gina supporting ricky again, telling him what a great job he did.

gina says here that she doesn’t do anything right for the first time. this quote itself foreshadows her romantic ending. because in season 3, she has her summers of firsts. first boyfriend, first kiss, etc. this was her first confession too. and it didn’t go the way she wanted it to.

ricky was so gentle w her and is always so gentle when she’s crying :’)

but this scene explains why ricky and gina don’t really speak much. gina confesses to him as the plane was crashing and is staying away from him for herself and out of respect for him and nini’s relationship.

ricky knows that gina likes him, but just got with nini. he doesn’t know what to do, especially since gina is staying now. he pushes down his feelings for her now to focus on nini. he tries to keep their relationship the same by going to her for advice, but she sets the boundary of not confiding in her about nini. he respects her wishes and really doesn’t speak to her for the entire season. and by the time he is single again, even if he wanted to pursue gina, she was already having a thing with ej. there would’ve been no point. he was stuck with his feelings, trying to juggle his dying relationship with nini, repressed feelings for gina, his dad and miss jenn dating and his mom and todd dating.

they both were going through a lot this season. gina literally almost leaves salt lake because she’s so heartbroken.

- second chance

skipping to the end of the season, the entire song of second chance is just so rina coded.

ricky sings

But there is something in this summer wind, a moment to begin again.

and reiterates in this song

Begin again, begin again, begin again.

they all sing

What can make the tide turn? What can make the fire burn? A second chance is all.

they’re saying that the thing that can change the tide and ignite the fire is a second chance.

(also insert the lamp between rina thing here)

ricky also says

Here’s to second chances.

season 3:

- start over

ricky literally says before he goes to camp

This summer is all about second chances.

and then gina says this to him

Can we just start over?

Yes, definitely.

[…]

We’re in a new place, we’re different people now. We can start fresh. No drama, no chocolates. Summer’s supposed to be fun, right?

Yes, totally agree. Summer of fun!

this was so important.

obviously gina is currently happy with ej and even though she has lingering feelings for ricky, she’s excited to have her friend back and is focused on her relationship with ej. ricky is being finally free and is just enjoying himself. no thoughts in his head whatsoever <3

- what do you know about love?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so earlier ricky was appointed to play gina’s jilted ex who still has feelings for her, and he actually does have feelings for her. gina is currently mad at ej and has old feelings for ricky too. when asked to perform this song and “have fun torturing ej”, this masterpiece was born.

the chemistry is insane the tension is there ricky is WHIPPED gina is swinging him around 10/10

then after, val describes ricky as heartsick and gives her psychological analysis on him

and then later ricky confesses that he wasn’t completely acting when pretending to be in love with gina

- color war events

1. firstly they spent the day together and had lots of fun

2. ricky helped gina set up the little promposal for ej and i think this scene really shows how far ricky’s grown.

in season 1, ricky, while i love him infinitely, purposefully sabotaged nini and ej’s relationship because he loved her. he tried to split them apart and then eventually stopped. in season 3, ricky is in love with gina, however he wants to see her happy and recognizes that currently, ej makes her happy. so he helps her set up this canoe thing for her and watches her surprise ej. he just wants to see her happy, whether it’s with him or without.

then he goes to his bunk and cries

I can’t believe I let color war slip out of my fingers.

You mean Gina?

he’s upset that he didn’t pursue her, that he shouldn’t have let her just leave. he regrets what he did.

this also parallels the quinceñero episode when gina cries seeing ricky and nini.

also both of them saying “you’re the best”

honorable mention- the coat check scene being a direct parallel of homecoming and showing ricky being gentle with gina again after she broke up with ej and ricky being gagged when he sees gina

- kristoff lullaby

this song is so them<3 and lucaya

every single word applies to them.

What do I know about love? Everything I thought I did, you’ve gone and changed it kid. You’re what I know about love.

ricky looks at gina as he sings this part.

AHHHH

it’s perfect for them because she did change his idea of love. like i said earlier, she’s helped him grow. he went from loving nini selfishly, holding onto her desperately because she was his only constant and he would do anything to keep her with him, to loving gina selflessly and purely wanting her to be happy and to thrive, with or without him. he learned to be able to let go because of nini. he had to let her go because he loved her. now he loves gina with no pressure or anything.

it’s him finally letting his feelings out, he’s repressed them the entire time, whether it be because he was with nini or because she was with ej. but now, under the character of kristoff, he’s letting his love be.

and i think that’s so beautiful.

- you’re a yes

gina’s whole confession was so so important and everything about it was perfect to me.

a lot of people thought that ricky should’ve been the one to make a speech but gina making it makes sense. she didn’t confess right the last time (because she doesn’t do anything right the first time) as well as the fact that she was the one who was in a relationship and ricky was respectful of it. he didn’t want to say anything to her because he didn’t know if it was too soon for her to move on or not. it had only been a month since she and ej broke up. gina had to make that choice herself. not him.

i’m gonna go into depth about her confession:

He’s wrong.

Sorry? Who?

EJ. He said we all saw this coming. But I didn’t. Not that night in your car after homecoming, or when I made you that hat at Thanksgiving and the floppy little ears looked so dumb, but..it was honestly one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. God, Ricky Bowen, you have been a surprise since the day we met. You weren’t the plan, you were never the plan. Plans change. And, if you want me to shut up, I’ll shut up but, I don’t have maybe feelings for you. You aren’t a maybe. You’re a yes. And I like to know where people stand with me so now you know where you stand with me. And so, I’m going to walk out of here with my head held high, and I’m never gonna look back again. Unless you stop me.

Wait.

[They kiss]

okay so now we’re gonna go line by line bc this is genius lyrics

obviously the parallels in the beginning, gina references season 1

You weren’t the plan, you were never the plan. Plans change.

this references 2 things, #1 being ej and gina’s conversation in season 1

What happened to the plan? I think I’m missing it because I’m still the understudy, and you seem pretty happy, so what changed?

Nothing…everything? I don’t know.

So you care about Ricky?

And what if I do?

and also tim’s feelings about rina

And, if you want me to shut up, I’ll shut up but, I don’t have maybe feelings for you. You aren’t a maybe. You’re a yes.

this directly references gina’s breakup with ej, because she says that maybe isn’t good enough for her right now.

And so, I’m going to walk out of here with my head held high, and I’m never gonna look back again. Unless you stop me.

Wait.

directly references her first confession

So now, I’m gonna give you a really tight hug, and then I’m gonna walk away with my head held high. Okay?

Okay.

last time, ricky let her walk away, but this time he didn’t repeat his mistake. and he stops her and he kisses her <3

the end! that was my very long unnecessary post <3 i love rina thank u for asking twin ilysm

[littlechinesedoll]

🍅🍥

I can’t understand everything so this is the best I can do with this page. my japanese is like, super basic and i struggled. ugh. I’m so tired. but I wanted to do it because it’s SO cute I love the babies the and the domestic SasuNaru. Ugh, Naruto makes such a gorgeous mommy I can’t take it.

This is [SORANO Natsumi] Sunny Family – Naruto dj [JP] doujinshi and I think this is how Naruto should have ended. 😂

here are some things that I couldn’t really understand but gave meaning to anyway. I scoured through the whole doujin with my pathetic japanese and can’t understand or see what the babies’ names are, sorry.

from right to left, my explanation on my incompetent attempt at translating this one page of this doujin:

panel 1, baby naruto: before you give me shit, baby naruto calls naruto kaachan (母ちゃん) which is closer to mommy.

panel 1, baby naruto: he said something about octopus (tako ・タコ), and naruto in the next panel has a sausage with one end cut with a knife to make it look like an octopus

panel 1, baby sasuke: he says something about Kani-san (カニさん), which means crab. so this is me guessing he’s asking for crab in his bento.

panel 4, sasuke: he’s asking naruto if he’ll make it on time because they still have the drop off the kids at the nursery, but i had to shorten/give meaning and keep the words few enough to fit in the bubble

panel 4, naruto: he actually says “no more time?” in the raw, I think, but that doesn’t make sense translated literally.

panel 5, sasuke: the text near his face, i’m not sure what it actually means, but he’s sort of saying that baby sasuke wants to imitate baby naruto and wants the “up.” I think.

edit * panel 5, sasuke’s bubble: he says let’s not get in naruto’s way, but I sort of gave meaning that he’s cooking so the kids shouldn’t bother him.

panel 6, baby sasuke: he literally says, “Daddy! Do that!” idk what the fuck that means but sasuke probably knows what it means. However! The kanji is different. baby sasuke says chichiue (父上) which is a more formal “father.” But I put in daddy because baby naruto calls sasuke in another page touchan (父ちゃん) which means daddy.

panel 6, sasuke: in the raw sasuke says something about having to change clothes, so I think he still has to change the babies’ clothes before they can go out.

panel 7, baby sasuke: the sfx above baby sasuke, is sooo weird idk what it means so i just put swing there.

panel 7, baby naruto: it’s not an sfx but it says “ore mo!” which means “Me too!” but why would a baby use “ore” huhu babies refer to themselves in third person. would’ve loved to see the baby say his own name.

panel 8, babies: it says “kyaaa” which means they’re having fun being swung around by their strong daddy.

panel 8, sasuke: There’s kanji and katakana down in the lower left where Sasuke is getting frustrated with the kids being naughty when they’re running late to the nursery, and cannot for the life of me read it.

anyhoo I hope you enjoy staring at jounin!sasunaru being domestic and raising their babies together. Naruto is gorgeous and I love his long hair. Sasuke is just as handsome and I miss this hair on him so bad. in the doujin they’re very responsible parents, even though they didn’t really plan on the children in the first place, and sasuke sort of didn’t want them. **edit: they do however, raise them into good young boys and capable genin, and they love them very much.

once again I am sorry for my shit japanese and whoever sees this who can actually read this thing: 申し訳ありません。私がでかいなばかです。🙇🏽‍♀️

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

hi cubeguy i sent u an anons a while ago that i dont use tumblr but i periodically check ur blog bcus it specifically rocks & im back. i listened to an album u recommended on here but im curtailed by the character lim to give a review so i typed out a real time extremely long reaction to the songs LOL definitely the logical nextstep. its @ pastebin.com/Ejd8E9VX idk if im allowed to link shit on tumblr?? anyway i hope to get around 2 other musiks u like bcus i lovedd this btw its get to heaven that i listened to THANK U 🎀🙇‍♂️💋💗💗💗

HEY YOU HAVE AN AWESOME WAY OF TALKING ABOUT MUSIC. GRINS SO MUCH. i’m glad you enjoyed gth it’s so so special to me genuinely the album of all time …. my favorite songs off it are s/s/w/d the wheel and blast doors Lways a joy to see someone go crazy about them

^ really fond of this descriptor here also i think it succinctly puts a lot of what i love about ee’s songwriting down into words…. the weird entanglement of love and hate and confusion and clarity it’s a very very special moodset

also YEAH the way you described the vocals…. the early everything everything albums play a lot with like. roughness and scratchiness and the kind of ‘animalistic’ register of the human voice. (honestly everything before raw data feel. this is literally because the singer just decided to learn how to sing in high registers without falsetto for the first time which is like cool but also AUGH i miss that old sound

OK SO the thing about this bit

absolutely YES the thing about get to heaven is that it’s literally just like. a complete album of bangers. going down through their other stuff is gonna be a little more rocky, you might enjoy the like once-per-album weird slow ballads you might not, even though i’m lazy about listening to some of their weaker stuff when i do go through the entire albums i still find a lot of quirks in the instrumentation or lyrics that manage to impress me. i’d recommend delving into either man alive or arc next those are basically on par with gth although a bit more weird and morose? if you’re feeling it id then recommend raw data feel which oscillates more around pop/new wave but still has some really interesting musical constructions, gets extremely electronic and synthy…. a fever dream is like a 50/50 split between really long slow songs which are just Fine and really fast heavy bangers. just go listen to notln, can’t do, desire, good shot, run the numbers and ivory tower LOL. uhhhh reanimator is arguably their weakest album probably the most unremarkable but it’s also like my second favorite right after get to heaven. it’s weird and glowy and flimsier than their other tunes. that enchants me i guess…. they’ve also got an upcoming album that once again seems to be more pop oriented, cold reactor is the best of the singles they’ve released for it yet. what else. there’s like a youtube playlist out there of demo/outtakes/non album stuff that you can find real easy, there’s some really good stuff in there. personal favorites are the come alive diana demo, even the dogs and dna dump

ok so the fucking thing about the “lore” of this album. there technically isn’t any and most of ee’s albums are a per-song thing usually revolving around like. modern social commentary. the genius pages for most of their songs have like. direct songwriting annotations by the band and explain the thought process behind them. however for gth there’s also like a small layer of overarching lore about this one guy called thomas silhouette as a character. he’s not so much the crux of any narrative or presence as much as he’s just like. funny anagram arising from a lyric in fortune 500 that gets alluded to in later albums because he’s loosely representative of a lot of themes that get tackled in ee songs like capitalism and dread and shit like that

[shiapetdiary]

Not tofu

I went and waited a half hour in line at "tofu shoten" because my exact thinking was that other Asians love soft tofu dessert and I should get on board. And the shop ppl were so lovely we had a nice exchange about their relocation and I got three items. Then I sat in the market and ate the tofu and it had peanuts on it that I didn’t want so I kept them in my cheeks like a chipmunk with each bite until the end when I held my breath and chewed them all up and swallowed. I had to fucking snarf that expensive tofu there was so much of it and I wanted to walk. I also had to chug my red sugar soy milk because my hands were busy!!

I walked through the deli. I was here the other day and there was a lady hawking samples but no one wanted them. The guy working at the store told her to hang in there and the lady looked pissed, she said "I know" like she did not want an ounce of pity. I heard it too so I knew that was embarrassing, it's humiliating being overheard for breaking the fourth wall.

Anyways. This time I came across a lady with samples of Brie but I didn't stop because I fully wasn’t going to buy anything. But I was just so peckish for something savory so I came back and feigned disinterest in the Brie and allowed her to suggest it to me. As I chewed the Brie the lady tried to sell me a package and I said "hm not now it’s too heavy for me at the moment" and she lost interest in me FAST. I can’t remember if I heard a hmph or not but probably I did.

But actually when I tasted that fucking Brie, it was so GOOD I was like this just fucking hits that fucking spot. It was so like a bit stinky and creamy and the flavor was so strong and beautiful. I could easily sit on the couch w a triangle of that and a baguette and I would be so so happy. I still might go back to buy it and do that later. It just fucking was so good.

So I’m sorry to the tofu people and also to my culture as well but I fucking was so obsessed w this Brie even though I know my intestinal system will reject it. Is that a sign? My body doesn’t want it because it’s not for my Asian innards? But it does want it. I thought of my friend who is currently discovering new cheeses in Italy and I thought of the joy she gets from cheese…. she would get it.

Idk how to describe good tofu just like… soft? Texture held together? Not like raw tasting? But it didn’t do anything for me. The appeal of a place like "tofu shoten" just like, a lot of ppl get this thing wrong and we’ve got it right. But that Brie was like… showing off. Damn. Just different mediums I guess. And just exactly what I wanted to eat. I’m never really in the mood for a well-made slice of tofu… though it may happen someday I suppose. 

[trashlie]

ILY FP 210, 211, 212

WOOOOOOOF I’ve been holding off on writing this post, because I wanted to wait for this whole “episode” to fully come out. Quimchee revealed they were all meant to happen in one episode, but SO MUCH was happening in the episode that it was too long to do as the one. I... kind of wish I hadn’t waited because now there is SO MUCH for me to cover, so I’m going to do my best to keep this organized and coherent.

No lie, these go up there in my top episodes, especially 212. I have a feeling I might have some different feelings than others on this one...? We’ll see, I’m keen to hear how all of you are thinking and feeling about it. To me, these episodes really encapsulate a good 80% of the plot that we’ve been dealing with, and there’s some good reveals in here that have been a LONG time coming. I think everything is set up now for the time skip to come, and especially after all the events that transpired this arc (remember how this all started out so many moons ago with Nol going to the company Christmas party? That feels like it was years ago to what is happening now!) I am BEYOND excited to see what the time skips have in store for us! 

Anyway, before I start spoiling things, let’s get into it!

Well and truly, I love this arc! It’s really capture so much of the story this bigger story has centered on - the relationship between Nol and Kousuke. This isn’t the root of the story, of course, but it’s a significant portion of what we’ve come to read for, I think, and I cannot tell you how much I love seeing the characters verbally acknowledge things they’ve swept under a rug. 

212 felt especially raw to me - Kousuke’s confessions are tragic in the way of too little too late, and the realization that Nol was never against him, that he was always on the same side, that they could have been an incredible team may come to haunt him. That acknowledgement of his that nobody really liked him - no one else but the one person he had demeaned and devalued until he was truly nobody - really hit me like a sucker punch. I truly thought these were truths Kousuke wouldn’t be able to reach until he lost more, like his job or his sense of self, but I guess we can argue that he’s lost a lot of his sense of self; from the moment he punched Nol, it’s clear that he’s dissociating. That also serves to tell us how important this moment is for Kousuke, what it means to him, what Nol means to him.

Now, I’ll be upright honest with you guys, because I think this is where the difference of opinions will come in. I really enjoy stories with this kind of element of hatred and care so intricately interlaced in family or friends. There’s something about this sense of care being overwritten by jealousy so scathing it mutates into resentment and hatred and loathing. The way these two feelings battle out, the way ugly emotions are so strong they come to eclipse any hope for warmth. Idk it’s intriguing to me, it creates a compelling story. 

And in Kousuke’s case, it is! A running theory has been that Kousuke treats Shinae the way he does because he is, subconsciously, treating her how he wishes he’d treated Nol. As the story went on and Kousuke’s ugliness started to come out more and more and his paranoia began to consume him, I think it was probably difficult for many to find credence in this theory - that there was no way Kousuke could have cared about Nol and transferred it to Shinae when he treated Nol how he did but I’m still here for the theory. It’s just that Kousuke’s ugliness was so strong, overwhelming, it eclipsed anything else. 

Now I’m not saying I think Kousuke loves Nol or thinks of him as a brother, but rather I think deep down, he understood they were connected. As a child, Nol was the only person who didn’t treat Kousuke like an object - like a puppet or rich vending machine or influence to be gained. But how could Kousuke allow himself to think so favorably of Nol when he was so deeply rooted in jealousy? 

This is what I find especially intriguing about their dynamic. Something I talk about a lot is that Nol and Kousuke are both the products of abuse - Kousuke is the way he is due to neglect and manipulation, and in turn he took that out on Nol. I’ve seen people say Kousuke doesn’t make sense to them, but he DOES and this episode really drove that home and confirmed a lot of things I’d felt. 

Kousuke’s treatment of Nol all stems from Rand and his affair. Let’s look at it from Kousuke’s perspective. He has a father who is never around, and when he is he’s busy and always puts his career first. He rarely joins them for family time, there’s a rift between him and his wife. All young Kousuke wants is for his father to spend time with him, to be around, to notice him. His mother tells him things - if he’s a good boy Father will pay attention; if he wants his father’s attention he needs to be just like him; if he wants Father to care to notice he must be exactly like him. But his mother also says other thing - that there’s someone else, money is being wired to someone. At school people murmur similar things. 

All he wants is his father’s approval, his father’s pride, his father’s attention, his father’s time. He must not be good enough, yet. He must not matter, yet. He’ll make sure he does, though. He’ll do exactly what his mother says, he’ll buckle down just like she tells him, he’ll make sure to become the perfect son that his father can be proud of. 

So you can understand, then, why the discovery that the murmurs are true, that there’s another family, would shatter him the way it did, why it remains a point of breaking for him even as an adult, why he never really reconciles his father’s affair. How is it that the man who has no time for him or their family, had enough time to create a second family? Why was he so undeserving of his time? Why was he so undeserving of his attention? 

And it rooted deep inside him, right in the core of his foundation. This other boy who describes his father as someone who couldn’t possibly be the same man as his father - a funny man, a kind man. That is not the father Kousuke knows, so why does this other child know him? (Never mind that this child has also never met that version of his father.) It all stems from that: a craving for something he’s never received. 

Kousuke’s whole speech about how there was only one kind, sweet, generous, funny person in his life was the very person he attacked and tore down hit me HARD. His admission of fear, that he ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO BEING SCARED, that he’ll never be good enough for Rand, that nothing he would ever do would make him worthy of his attention actually hurt. This is the kind of thing I’ve been wanting Kousuke to acknowledge and embrace, because it’s the one thing that has been fueling and propelling him. He doesn’t do this job because he’s passionate about it - he does it because he’s still vying for love and attention. He didn’t forsake his childhood because he was above it - he literally sacrificed it for his father. Regardless of what you think about Kousuke now, it has to be acknowledged that he, too, has suffered. And let’s not pretend that Yui truly believed that Kousuke could win Rand’s affection this way - it still feels like it was a game for her, a manipulation to turn him into someone she could use to get her way, a puppet if you will. It’s fucking sad to think that he gave up everything because he was so determined to earn his father’s love, that his love and attention was believed to be so conditional he had to make himself worthy of it. 

“I hate you for making me aware this person exists. And I hate your face being a constant reminder of it.” 

So many times, Kousuke has berated Nol for his playful, joking behavior, for seeming so lax and carefree. I’d always thought it was jealousy that he didn’t have that kind of life, that he wasn’t allowed it - and that probably is still a part of it - but now we know that when Yeonggi laughed and played around, he was a vision of a version of Rand Kousuke had never known, a spitting image of a man Kousuke didn’t even know could exist. 

And as Nol points out, it was all for naught. All of Kousuke’s jealousy and his fear, tearing down Nol so that he could instead get to know that version of Rand. All of it was for naught, because who knows if that man even exists? It seems like only one person ever knew her, and who’s to know if she didn’t make him up. Kousuke has spent his entire life - sacrificed his childhood, accelerated himself through school, forsook any fun or leisure - on a quest for a man who probably doesn’t exist, for something he’ll never achieve. He spent his whole life tearing down someone innocent trying to get to something he’ll never have. 

I really thought it would take for Kousuke to lose it all, to stumble in his career before he’d realize it, but here he is. 

But on the other side of that, we have Nol. Nol, who also lost - and lost more than Kousuke did. Nol who was isolated and alienated, Nol who tried time and time again to reach out and create a connection, and was refused every time. Nol who suffered under Kousuke and Yui’s watch over and over. Nol, who despite it all, still tried to treat Kousuke well, still tried to give him a chance, still tried to reach out to him at his most desperate. 

I think that really illustrates something important: an understanding that there is a reason for Kousuke’s behavior and his paranoia, where it comes from, but that reason doesn’t justify. I can acknowledge both that Kousuke absolutely is the product of his environment and that he has been an asshole about it lol. Idk I can admit that my intrigue in his has grown a LOT. 

These episodes have just tapped into something so deep that I love about this series - that our experiences heavily color our interpersonal relationships, as well as our relationships with our own selves. Nol notes that he, too, suffered, he, too, lost, he has been alone and alienated and despite it all he still tried, and he still attempted to be a good person, in contrast to Kousuke who let his suffering turn him into an asshole. It was kind of a hard-to-read moment, because Nol spoke the truth, and as much as I feel for Kousuke, Nol is right. Because he never attempted to deal with those ugly feelings, because he never chose to face them, because he instead wore them as armor, it became his identity, he became an asshole through those experiences. Had there ever been a moment that he could have met Nol in the middle, that he could have put aside his jealousy, that he could have turned off his Rand blinders, he could have seen what Nol was able to see earlier and more clearly. And isn’t that sad? They could have been a great team, they could have had each others’ back in a world where no one else did, they could have been there for each other, but Kousuke couldn’t cross that line. 

Again, I fully acknowledge that Kousuke is the way he is because of those experiences. I acknowledge that this is the wake up call he needed, that he was forced to finally reckon with the truth. 

But I also worry what will come of Kousuke as a result of Rand’s arrival. Is he going to backpedal? Is this going to short-circuit something and push him to double down, or is it going to free him? 

Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to earn Rand’s favor, to earn his attention. Everything he has done has been an angle to get closer to his father. Like, when you break it all down, that’s the sad, basic truth. He was a child who so desperately wanted his father’s attention that his life became about that. And here comes Rand, showing up when it looks like Kousuke is running away. Rand who never had time for him, Rand who didn’t shower him with warmth and affection. 

Rand who showed up and wailed “My son” in response to Nol. 

That whole scene honestly hurts me. Nol is hurt, Rand is anguished and horrified, and Kousuke? Kousuke finally witnessing his father show a fatherly side - and it wasn’t for him. And not only that but Rand might not even believe that Kousuke was trying to get help, that he attempted to get Nol up but couldn’t. And does it even matter when the truth is that Kousuke DID cause this? I can’t imagine it was his intention - I don’t think his mind went “punch Nol and he’ll fall over the railing” as much as Nol tried to leave and Kousuke reacted on that. But the point still stands: even if it wasn’t his intention, this is still ultimately his fault. Nol goaded him on and played a part, but Kousuke was the hand that acted. 

I fear that this will ruin what little relationship Kousuke has with Rand - and it’s a fear because it means Kousuke could swing in two wholly opposite directions. Does he double-down and return to the side of his mother, the only family member who has made him feel like someone’s child? I don’t think he’s at the point where he can extricate himself from the family, as good as it would be. And I worry that if that’s the case, will he double back down on his treatment and resentment of Nol? For this one moment, he saw that they were equals, that they both had a broken, shitty relationship with Rand. And then Rand showed up, showing that paternal side Kousuke has longed for. 

As much as I WANT Kousuke to hold on to that moment, I don’t know that he can. I think the cracks have formed and I think his fragile reality is crumbling faster, but I fear he’ll retreat back into the “comfort” of the world he knows. 

Here’s the thing about Kousuke: on some level he knows. He knows that Yui isn’t great, he knows that she has done awful things, he knows that Nol did no wrong, he knows that Rand will probably never change. But these are such uncomfortable truths and he has spent his life propped up by a false reality. This was pointed out by AugmentedElle on reddit, but look at the difference in Kousuke’s flashbacks. Look at the memory in 210 vs 212. The flashback in 210 is the strongest, most vibrant memory we’ve yet seen. Ordinarily they’re in some kind of grey scale, or at least muted colors, sometimes with spot color like in Shinae’s. In Nol and Kousuke’s flashbacks thus far, we’ve seen those muted colors or alterations - Nessa’s face appearing scribbled out in Kousuke’s memories, just as in 212. The use of color suggests that the memory in 210 is, quite possibly, fabricated. It starts out with Kousuke dazed, unable to remember what just happened, and Yui comes in and tells him he won’t have to see that boy for a long time. It feels like something happened - that perhaps Kousuke did something (the huffing that parallels his huffing after he punches Nol in the current story) and blocked it out or whited out and Yui came in and gave him an iteration of the story. It’s the strongest memory because it didn’t come from him - because it was filled in and colored in by someone else. The whole time we’ve thought Nol had perhaps been pushed to the bring, that Kousuke instigated a fight and Nol snapped, but maybe it was never Nol. Maybe the whole time Kousuke has associated Nol with danger and violence - because he was wired to think that way. That whatever happened and lead to that moment was so traumatic he doesn’t have the real memory, and instead carries a fabrication. 

And that is essentially the basis of Kousuke’s entire life. Regardless of intent, Yui does manipulate Kousuke. She says things knowing full-well the effect they’ll have. Consider that moment with Nol and Nessa vs Yui in Kousuke’s flashback in 212. He watches Nessa blow raspberries on Nol’s cheek, a warm and silly exchange full of so much love and care - and then he looks up at Yui, who wears her maternal mask, shadows falling eerie over her face. Doesn’t it feel so much like she set this up? Doesn’t it feel like she knew Nessa and Nol would be around? She fills his head with things like “the only way to get your father’s attention is to be just like him” and “we’re not like other families we’re so special” and “isn’t it just so wonderful that rand at least has enough time to eat with us”? That’s not vouching for Rand - that’s passive aggression towards Rand and creating an idea of who Rand is - that Rand unwittingly lives up to. Despite speaking of the affair in front Kousuke, she turns and tells him that “Your father values us too much, he would never do such a thing” - a blatant lie that only plays into that feeling Kousuke wears that he’s been cheated, that there exists a version of his father that has been denied to him. Nessa tells Nol that Rand was a kind, sweet, generous, funny man. Yui tells Kousuke that Rand is anything but funny and he has no time for jokes. Maybe both are true, but Nol’s unintentionally makes a point about how Yui speaks of Kousuke’s father, vs how Yui spoke of Nol’s father. Why would a parent speak ill of the other parent -- if not to make the child see them that way. 

(She also tells him there’s nothing she hates more than people who don’t take things seriously, and well, look at how Kousuke came out.) 

There’s a fragile cognitive dissonance between what Kousuke knows to be true - that is, the reality that has been shaped by his experiences and Yui’s manipulation - vs actual reality, and we’ve seen this a number of times when various events threaten that tentative balance. Kousuke at the club, angry and paranoid, is aware of what people really think of him. Deep down he knows people don’t see him as great, as an honorable gentleman. Deep down he knows he’s a selfish, judgmental asshole, but it doesn’t fit the fabricated reality he believes in, so it only comes out in his paranoia. He knows that Nol is like him, that he didn’t have the love Kousuke coveted, that he tried to get by quietly, but Kousuke’s fear and paranoia still thought of him as the boy who had earned the love that Kousuke couldn’t, and that made him a threat. He knows what kind of person Yui is and has tried to draw boundaries, but he’s still told her things about Nol that she could act on, because he knows what she is capable of. When people or events fracture that reality, he struggles and lashes out, because he needs that reality to keep it together, but it’s crumbling fast. 

Between the phone call with Rand and the moment that Rand shows up on the scene - what is the state of Kousuke’s reality? Is it crumbling? Is he trying to stuff the crumbling rocks back into the foundation? Will he retreat to his mother, the only one who can keep the tint of his rose colored glasses or will he be forced to face reality for what it really is? I wish it would be the latter, but I just don’t know if he’s ready for it yet. I don’t know if he can face that which he’s run from this whole time just yet. 

As for Nol, woooooooof. What a fucking NIGHT. To think - THIS IS HIS GODDAMN BIRTHDAY. On the one hand, I think, maybe this can give him some kind of peace. He’s finally gotten a piece of Kousuke’s mind, he finally knows how Kousuke sees him, what he thinks of him, and what motivated him all these years. Maybe with this knowledge, Nol will be able to walk away in peace. He doesn’t have to wonder anymore. He knows where he stands - and where he’s always stood - and I think he’s made it clear that he’s drawn his line. He is done, he is finished, with all of them. If Kousuke can find his way to the other side of the line, then good for him, but Nol has no intention of trying to bring him over anymore. 

I do think there’s a lot of room for them to reconcile in the future - when Nol’s raw anger has maybe ebbed, when Kousuke has found himself and learned to stand on his own ground, rather than prop himself up by his fabricated reality. But they are far from there. I’ve said before that I had a feeling maybe we’ll see the three main characters reunite in the time skip as adults after having gone separate ways, and that feeling still lingers. Nol has made it clear that he still wants to get away - and frankly I think he needs to. I wish he’d say so much to his friends, I wish he’d tell them where they stand. I feel so bad for Shinae, who went through so much grief and angst and really put herself out there to bring him back, to get her closure - and then when she had it and was ready to let him go, he insisted on staying. For him to turn around and leave like that again, after everything she told him, after the ways she opened up to herself, god that must hurt a lot. I guess on the one hand, she got the closure she wanted but.... it wasn’t even that long ago that Nol was making jabs at Kousuke for abandoning his friends, and there he goes doing it a SECOND time. 

There’s a piece I’d love to give more time and thought to - that maybe all along, on a deep, subconscious level, Kousuke feared Nol leaving and that’s why he’s always acted when Nol was on the leave. If Nol leaves he’ll be truly alone. If Nol goes, there is truly no one left who ever liked him, who ever saw any value in him. This post is already long enough, so I’ll try to spit that out later this week, if I can. I think it’s not a coincidence that Kousuke punched Nol as he was leaving, that he didn’t bring himself to do it when Nol promised he’d leave, just as he let Yui know Nol was planning to leave. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it yet, but I think Kousuke is terrified of being left alone and Nol escaping without him. 

Like I said, more on that later, but it’s an important point that I think ties in really well with this relationship Kousuke has towards Nol. It’s complicated, fucked up, toxic, and messy, and it needs a LOT of untangling by professional help. But I do think these last episodes really set something up for Nol and Kousuke’s future - as much as there is so much resentment and anger between them, there’s a mutual sense of longing, of needing each other to fill a void: for Nol, he sought out a brother in Kousuke, a companion against the adults in their lives; for Kousuke, that knowledge that Nol, too, had suffered that neglect, and was the only person who had ever truly liked him. I think one day when that anger has died, when they’ve made peace and hopefully worked on themselves, when Kousuke has freed himself, I think there’s a chance they will be able to reconcile. Like I said, maybe they’ll never be family to each other; there’s so much damage there, it’s really possible that can never be undone. But I think at some point, at least, they will see themselves on the same side, rather than each other. 

[segura46]

Trynna find peace w all this damage that’s been done.

It’s chaos inside of me n I can’t skip the healing. I can’t keep damaging what I’m managing. cause now I’m big broken. But I still laugh. I still love. I remain optimistic. I still bleed I still bruise I still fall but I keep climbing . Begging God for forgiveness n peace n happiness consistency n everything I am and want to be.

I’m just happy my light still radiates n I know cause ppl tell me all the time. Strangers at that. Thank you God. I feel it too but it’s hard to feel when it’s more important to fake it but I’m not pretending to wanna be happy. cause look how I can make people smile n laugh n even cry just cause I wanna light the wick that lives inside when u see it spark n u watch that flame dance freely. Spark a light in u from all the many. Sometimes I touch it and it burns. . It’s v spiritual n it’s mine to keep its in my human nature. I’m hella fueled by my traumas im burning inside. Im done adding fuel to my traumas that’s not the fire that lives in me. I’ve had this fire before my mistakes n my traumas . But it’s poetic it’s pretty it’s ugly is funny and sad . I can only translate it to my music n my fashion my drawings.. I guess that’ll just be this faze of my career.

raw . Far from perfect . Intentional. N honest. n idc to portray perfection. I don’t. But I care to be real.

Deal Nokki. Dear Nicole. My dearest burden my dearest lover my dearest enemy my dearest friend.

I wish I was cuddling w Kitaka rn . him töo but it hurts .

I can’t ask more from u .

Feels like I limit my access I limited my access to you n I’m torn I feel like a tiger just clawed through my chest n left my heart hanging by a vein or 2 idk. w.e gn. 2:22 am posted.

[multi-fandom-of-madness]

Hi! I just wanted to tell you that i really really enjoy how you write ur dialogue. Especially when one of the Ghouls gets all mean and snappy but still watch out for their safe words and all idk its nice and raw and hot. When - I think it was - Ifrit opens his mouth for Omega's cock in anticipation and instead gets spat into it.... i audibly gasped and covered my mouth cause i never read something similar to that ever before in a Ghost Story and- WELL... its a weak point of mine. Gimme all the spitting Ghouls. :] So thank you for writing the way you write and i wish you an amazing day/night. whatever it is for you.

I’m so happy you enjoy my writing that really means a lot to me <3 I’m also really sorry that I didn’t respond to this sooner, I didn’t even see a notification for it and I haven’t checked my inbox much recently

Under the cuts are my mini rants (pos) about some of the stuff you commented on

Link to the Omega X Ifrit fic here for those who are curious

Im gonna talk about the spit stuff first cause I went on a little tangent about the other stuff :)

I love spit!! I personally think it’s very hot and it’s so difficult to not just make it my trademark and sneak it into all of my smut

Like idk what it is about spit that gets me, but it is definitely a weakness of mine - I also just think that so many people write about other bodily fluids for ghouls (cum, blood, piss), and there isn’t enough of spit!! You can trust that future fics will definitely involve more spit :)

(That also is probably my favorite fic I’ve written so far idk what it is about it I was just so into it)

I love writing mean and snappy ghouls (because I also view myself in that light and at that point it’s just internal dialogue lmao) - but I always try to make sure that everyone is enjoying everything because I know there can be issues where something isn’t tagged as dubcon, but there’s never explicit consent for a rough scene and it makes me feel a little itchy. I also personally like making things feel real(ish) more than just fantasy where safe words just don’t exist. I think safe words and trust are two of the most important things when it comes to anything involving kink.

I also just like making the ghouls feel more…human I guess (?) - like I know they’re not human, they’re demons from hell. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. Like a lot of writers love putting ghouls in angsty situations or just talk about how in love the ghouls are because they have feelings, yet then will write such feral smut and it’s always a bit iffy when it comes to consent. It feels a little hypocritical to say that they enjoy rough sex 24/7 and don’t have feelings about it, yet have big feelings about everything else.