hegrowth · 11 months ago
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coming out here to talk about something really quick. if someone disregards a part of your rules, it's most likely not personal. this includes DNIs !
I had a panic this past week where I was going through my mutuals rules looking at DNIs because I had followed someone whose name was familiar, and I didn't know if it was because it was in a DNI or someone had mentioned them or I followed them before or something else. I didn't find their name, but I just realized... I follow over a 100 blogs. I spent 30-40 minutes trying to figure out if this person was in any DNIs. that's kind of crazy, right ? and kinda... unreasonable ?
similarly, if you have a DNI that says you don't interact with characters / fcs from a certain thing... I most likely don't know what that thing is. I don't know what my fcs are in, swear to god. if I really like an fc I may watch something they're in, but otherwise I have no idea and I don't remember what shows / movies I get icons from.
in general, my memory is shit. in general, I'm not busy but I get distracted really easily. and, in general, I'm pretty sure most if not all of the rpc is in the same boat. that being said... guys, I have a color coded list I refer to regarding my mutuals, just so I can keep track of folks. why ? because I'm forgetful. and I've been embarrassed to talk about it because I was like... this is kinda weird. but it's also like, now, I realize it's super extra ?? so like, do I need to start doing that with folks and their DNIs and rules so I make sure I don't break them ? that's crazy, right ?
I'm just saying. please don't take it personally if I break a rule or disregard a DNI. it was not intentional, it was not done with the express intent of making you uncomfortable. I'm doing my best, everyone is. please let me know. but also recognize that some information just naturally isn't going to be retained in an environment where we are interacting with dozens of blogs a day.
on one hand, I want to be like, yeah we should definitely keep track of our mutuals and their rules, that's the decent thing to do. on the other, it's like, I'm living my life and then come here and have 50+ blogs on my dash and it just doesn't seem feasible to do that for everyone I follow ? idk, what are your thoughts ?
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love2poetry · 4 months ago
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loml
⤷ mcu!peter parker x artsy!reader
𝜗𝜚. . . synopsis. you are both peter's love and loss of his life
𝜗𝜚. . . general tag. mostly fluff & some angst
.ᐟ. . . content warnings. if you see any grammar mistakes, keep them to yourself pls thx<3 might be cringe tbh
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♫⋆。 our field of dreams, engulfed in fire your arson's match your somber eyes and i'll still see it until i die, you're the loss of my life
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ sophia's letter ! i wrote this as it's raining and can you guess what scented candle i have lighting? 😝 anyway i went through a depressive episode for no reason so i took a hiatus, but i might be back for the summer. i often go through another one when school starts so im gonna do the most now. i was thinking of making a part two for this using 'peter' but idk. anyway, HIIII NEW GRACIE ALBUM THIS WEEK RAGHH
prequel
wc. 1,926
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spring had just began, more warm days after months of freezing cold weather. today, however, seemed to be one of the few cold, rainy days february had left. you had finished homework earlier today, always wanting to have your weekends free as much as you can, so you decided to occupy your mind with something else more calming. 
after finishing the last of your ap psychology assignment, you walked to your kitchen and made yourself a quick matcha. as you measured the green powder into your cat mug - a lovely gift peter got you because one of the cats in the bug is a calico, like your own cat - a thud was heard from your room. it was followed by an 'ow' quickly after, causing a small smile to form on your lips.
peter.
at the sudden noice, autumn, your calico cat, run cautiously out of your room. after finishing your matcha with some creamer, you also walked to your room. 
peter looked towards the door upon sensing you. his spidey sense usually only triggered when danger was near, however, when it came to you, peter was able to feel you. he couldn't describe it, but there was something in you that made him feel safe. it was a warm feeling that ran down his spine, and maybe it was because he was in your room, but he could also smell the vanilla lotion you love to use. everything about you made him feel like he was engulfed by a soft blanket.
so it was no surprise that the first thing peter did was offer you a smile. you automatically smile back of course. how could you not when he looks at you like that, like he was going to somehow bring you the moon he often photographed because it made him think of you. 
'it's raining,' peter pointed with a boyish grin. the obvious pitter patter coming from your windows made you tilt your head playfully. 'you don't say.'
peter patrolled the streets of new york everyday as his alter ego, spider-man. but on days like this, he likes to use the weather as an excuse to come see you earlier instead. he has a build in heater in his suit of course, but in his opinion it doesn't work as well as a good cuddling season with you.
peter sets his masks down on your night stand. 'cuddles?'
you took a sip of your matcha as you walked to your desk. 'i have to work on my portfolio.' you heard him walk to your dresser that sat on the corner of your room where you had a drawer with his clothes to change to after patrol. 'i thought you were done with it?' 
'yea, it's just,' your fingers glossed over your sketches. junior year was ending and soon college applications will start. it had been your dream to attend the art school of chicago, and now that applications are around the corner, you want to make sure everything is perfect. 'it doesn't feel complete.'
once peter was out of his wet suit and into his favorite pair of bright pink hello kitty pants matched with a plain white tee, he sneaked his arms around you, taking your comforting scent in. you felt him place a kiss in your hair, 'i think it's perfect.'
you turn to look at him with an unimpressed expression. his smile widens and he can't fight the urge to kiss you any longer. peter gently presses his lips into yours. he's always been delicate with his kisses, especially after being spider-man. you knew it was his way to ground himself after a day of fighting criminals, so you let him be as soft as he needed. 
you loved it that way. you loved him that way.
peter pulls away first. 'i have some photos i took last week. you could draw some if you need.' 
peter's hobby went hand in hand with your art. thanks to being spider-man, he was able to take some shots of new york no one else would be able to obtain, and he often let you sketch them, so often that half of his storage is pictures he takes for you to draw. the other half is probably of you.
you hum in agreement, still looking into peter's eyes. you have never loved brown as much as you do now. 
'tomorrow.' peter took your mug in one hand, then used the other to hold your hand while he drag you over to bed. 'today, we cuddle.' he set your bug on the night stand. 
you smile. 'okay.'
you two settled under your warm covers with you closest to your mug incase you want a sip, but before you could find a comfortable position, peter stood up, muttering a quick 'wait!'. 
you frown, but understood what he was doing when he pulled a lighter from your drawer in the night stand. he lit up the candle that rested on top. apple pumpkin. you bought a few pumpkin scented candles last fall, and peter grew to love this specific one. he wasn't a fan of scented candles because of his enhanced smell, but this one was subtle enough for him to enjoy without getting a headache.
once peter returned to bed, he wrapped his arms around your waist with his head on your chest. he slightly tilted his head to plant a kiss into your skin. 'i love you.'
his whispered confession filled you with butterflies. you don't know what you did to be lucky enough to love this boy in your arms, let alone be loved back by him. one of your hands wrapped around his back, while the other caressed his check, slightly squishing his face. his chuckles echoed in the room along the rain when you started kissing his face. 
two kisses on his right check, two more on the left, three on his forehead, and one on the bridge of his nose. 
'i love you more.'
a bright smile stayed on peter's face as he shook his head. 'that's not possible.' your smile matched his, 'i think it is. no, i know it is.' 
'i love you most.' before you could disagree, you felt his hands sneak under your shirt, cutting you off by tickling your sides. you squeak in surprise and try to squirm away. your laughter fills peter's ears, 'okay! i can't breathe!'
peter paused his movements and you inhale to suggest, 'we both love each other equally.'
peter makes a thinking face. 'i'll let you have this win,' he rolled his eyes playfully before settling in your arms again. 
the two of you stayed intertwined in bed until you felt peter's breathing slow down, indicating he had fallen asleep. his weight was on your side now, but looking down at him you decided you wanted to engrave this moment forever. 
swiftly, you reached for the small sketchbook you keep on your night stand. thankfully, you had left a pencil there too. you sat up slightly, making sure not to disturb peter's slumber. his arms tighten around you making you freeze, but the light snores coming from peter tell you he is still deep in his sleep.
you find a clean page and begin drawing shapes until you like how they all sit together. you move to the face proportions, not focusing on shading yet. your hand makes the hair part look effortless, and it may be from the many times you've drawn these curls. moving back to the face, you use your finger to blend the lines better.
finishing the rough draft, your focus goes to the nose, moving to the freckles you have memorized. 
'stalker.'
peter's deep voice caused a blush to creep into your cheeks. it wasn't the first time peter caught you drawing him, he has seen the many sketches and paintings you've done of him, but you still shy way when his eyes follow every detail of him you've embedded into your mind. 
if only you knew peter feels the same. to know the person he loves more than anything has memorized him, his body and soul, fills him with an indescribable feeling. he does the same with his camera. most of his photos are moments you've shared together that he wants to remember forever. 
peter not having storage on his phone from all the candid pictures he has of you is his version of when you learned to draw the lines that form around his eyes when he smiles.
'shut up,' you nudge your leg against his. there's smiles on both of your faces as peter snuggles closer to you. 
the room is rather dark by now, only the candle peter had previously lit and another lamp you always have create a cozy atmosphere. the warm glow of the lamp reaches your features enough for peter to see and he takes his time to draw his own painting of you in his mind. 
the flickering flame of the candle mixing with the apple pumpkin scent ignite a perfect portrait of peter you ache to fabricate, you take a mental picture for later.
you could be here with peter for all time. 
neither of you knew that it was only momentary. 
peter climbed through the window, a plastic bag in hand. he pulled his mask off, wet hair falling over his eyes. 
the loud thunder from outside shook his apartment. it started raining earlier that day, so peter decided to cut his patrolling short. he hadn't done it in a while.
his body was freezing from the harsh wind that he old suit would have kept him warm from. he walked towards a basket full of his clothes that sat in a corner, that was his dresser for the time being, and grabbed a gray shirt. 
when peter picked up the shirt, he caught a glimpse of what once were a bright magenta hello kitty bottoms, is now a dull shade of pink. with a sinking feeling, peter decided to put them on as well.
he made it to his twin size bed where he left the bag and took out the single purchase he made. 
a small scented candle. apple pumpkin.
once lit, he set it on the small dining table his studio apartment came with. he stared at it until the soft scent filled his nose. his throat closes when memories of you that are still imprinted in his mind come back. peter feels his left eye twitch as tears threaten to spill, but he refuses to cry. 
he can't afford a breakdown. he has no one to turn to anymore. peter doesn't know if he can pick himself back up if he breaks. it was easier with tony because he had may and friends who cared about him. but especially because he had you. 
now may is gone, he's a stranger to his friends, and every detail of peter you had memorized has been erased. 
peter turns back to his bed and pulls the covers to get in. he continues to stare at the flame emotionless, slowly dissociating from his lonesome. 
even after everything, peter can't comprehend how you could go from perfectly drawing the creases on his lips without a reference to not even remembering his name. 
do you still have those pieces of him? 
do you still draw him even now like it is muscle memory?
is he in your dreams like you are in his?
you will continue to occupy peter's mind until the day being spider-man finally kills him. you were his deepest love, and now his greatest loss. 
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oldfashioned-lovergirl · 7 months ago
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omg hihihi!!! im obsessed with the fic you wrote for niki and james and i was wondering if you could write one for ayrton senna? maybe with the reader being his teammate and its their first season and just him falling in love with her? idk tbh. its criminal that theres so little fics of him im obsessed with him currently xx
☆ OLD MONEY — ayrton senna x reader
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tags: car crash
note: fr there are no fics about him. also i love old f1 vibes
masterlist
・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・
When you first met him, you immediately noticed how oddly he was looking at you. You couldn’t get whatever he was thinking, so you just assumed he didn’t like you. For a time. Then one day something changed.
You crashed in Imola. You got out of the car without even a scratch, but the faces of the people when you returned to the paddock with the ambulance made you guess it mustn’t have looked good from the screens.
And there he was. Despite the very few words you exchanged since you knew each other, rushing towards you, none other than the best driver on the grid, your rival and teammate Ayrton Senna.
Brown eyes filled with worry and hair still soaked in sweat, he called your name and took your arms in his hands. “Tell me you’re okay.”
“I– I think I’m okay. I just got scared.” You didn’t know why you were telling your feelings to him, you just didn’t think much about it.
“Me too.” For a moment you thought he was gonna pull you in a hug, but he didn’t. He just softly put a hand on you cheek and then let go of you. “Glad to know you’re well, pequena.”
You found Ayrton standing in front of his Porsche Cabriolet at the end of the day. It was getting dark, few people were still in the paddock to celebrate his victory.
You hurried to reach him before he left. “Ayrton.” He turned around, but you know he was already looking at you from afar. He clearly had a shower because he smelled fresh and the red overalls had given way to a white elegant shirt. “I wanted to congratulate. Also, thank you for worrying about me earlier, you kind of reassured me.”
“No need to thank me.” He made a pause. You wondered if it was time for you to go. “You know, I was going to dinner with a friend but he won’t be able to come. Would you like to join? I have a reservation for two.”
You stared at him, surprised by the invitation, then looked down at your own jeans and blouse outfit. “I don’t know if I’m suited for the situation.”
“You are.” He opened the front seat door for you. “Let’s go.”
The restaurant was a villa in the Emilian countryside. You had never seen such a beautiful place in your entire life.
The dinner went very well. You ate pasta on a table in the garden. There were warm lights that made the location very cozy. Ayrton was so sweet, very different from the fierce man everybody saw on track. You talked about the race, but not only. You learned more about his personal life and viceversa. He asked if you were seeing someone, you shook your head. “And you?”
“Not at the moment, no.”
You thought of the gorgeous girls he was often photographed with. You didn’t believe yourself to be that pretty.
“I’m sorry if I’m not very talkative between one race and the other, I’m just trying to stay professional.” His freckles were as glaring as ever in that light. After his words, you realized you may have misinterpreted his detachment. “But when you crashed today… I don’t know, it seemed dangerous from my point of view. The thought of not seeing you next to me anymore scared me a lot.”
Spelling those words, Ayrton was playing with the glass of water in his hand, his eyes shyly looking downwards. “So I wondered if you’d like to hang out. Outside of work, I mean.”
In his own words, that was a declaration.
“I–“ That was what you wanted since you saw him introducing himself in that conference room, however you knew how risky the situation you were putting yourself into was. But right there, looking up at you with those eyes full of hope, surrounded by that magical place, he was so handsome. “I’d love to.”
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yourlocalartsonist · 1 month ago
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MONTHLY MFIP UPDATE✨✨
9/24 | Month 2 | Next Month | Month 1
Hey folks 🦐 I finally got the chance to make this month’s MFIP Update cuz god damn life was kicking my ass. College is fine for the most part tbh, just a lot of reading and writing cuz of the specific classes I chose. HOWEVER I have 💥FUCKING PMDD💥 so um skill issue on my part but it’s why I’ve been kinda exhausted as shit this week and was late with the update so my bad folks! (Also for more info on PMDD, click here! I don’t wanna spend this post yapping about it but wanted to leave a resource to spread awareness just in case :3). Also, Imma be tagging some of y'all who have been reading/supporting MFIP consistently just for this post, so yk you guys actually know these updates exist. I was gonna do that for the first ever update but as with many things, I forgor, so I'm doing it now! They’re supposed to come out on the 18th of every month, but yk sometimes life happens and I’m a lil late. It won’t be any earlier than the 18th tho so look out for these once it hits that date! Anywho, cheers to this month’s update!
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Alrighty folks we be starting with the Art~!
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Alrighty so obvious new thing, WE GOT RAPH’S REF SHEEEEEEEET TEEHEEEEEEE
BRO IM SO HYPE ABOUT IT! It turned out so genuinely amazing and I’m ridiculously proud of it! Especially cuz I honestly thought Raph was gonna be a harder design to figure out yk? I’m not used to drawing his body type, I wasn’t as familiar with his outfit, and even tho I’ve sketched him a few times before, I was just a bit nervous with Raph. Funfact, he’s also been the hardest to figure out how to write back when I was first starting MFIP. I genuinely don’t know why, but I got there eventually (I actually really love writing him now—) and same thing happened with his design!
Since MFIP’s taking place a few months after the Krang invasion, i’m able to take creative liberties and update the boys’ designs more! For some clarification btw, in my story’s lore, the invasion took place in September 2020, and MFIP starts on March 2021. Anywhizzle, my ideas for the boys’ designs is to combine their movie look with their show look, cuz while I do LOVE the black on them, it doesn’t feel right to me to not make them still unique in their own ways. These guys are all about authenticity, so why make their gear exactly the same, ya get me? I basically recolored his show gear to be black and red (and added a lil asymmetry on his legs) cuz I think it makes Raph feel older and more sure about himself, just feels right for him! I also just think the red fade on the black is hella cool! Fun lil color theory i think application, the black is more of a really dark, inky blue, so it makes the red pop out even more! I decided to make a bow out of his mask tails, too! I don’t wanna spoil the entire lore reasoning for it yet (it’ll pop up in the story), but I can indeed say it’s intentional that it looks a little like a lunamoth with damaged tails :3 I also took a BUNCH of creative liberties with his sais’ handles, since we haven’t really seen it much so like idk gaslight yourselves into thinking it’s always been this epic✨✨
Also I gave him his shorts back because FUCK YOU I LIKED THE RED TRIMMMM—
OH I ALMOST FORGOT yes he has longer eyelashes! I saw he grows to have really pretty eyelashes in the future cuz of his turtle species, and I wanted to lean into that by showing they’re starting to grow now :3
Bullshit Gag Because Yes‼️‼️
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There ain’t shit to say about this, I just pulled a silly. I saw the fact Donnie was supposed to have a “Doctor Donatello” persona in the deleted episode where Dale turns into a werewolf. I’m really heavily on the train of Leo being the team medic and into medicine in general. I don’t think it makes sense for Donnie to be the medic judging by his sensory issues and this mf being as much of a germaphobe as my mom, and in my opinion it felt too stereotypical anyway to have Donnie be the medic. Ofc, to each their own, and this is just my interpretation of it, but I thought it’d be funny if Donnie still had this persona and was passionate about it, but was like horrifically bad at being a doctor. I made this dumbass sketch that I’ll finish sometime in the future (it’s gonna be a chapter in Arc 3 probably) and I just wanted to share it with yall~
THEY’RE HUMAN NOW⁉️
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My ass wanted to show off cuz I’m sketching out some ideas of what my human designs for the boys culd be. I already did Leo’s like ages ago so he’s not on here but I’m realizing as I’m typing this my dumbass forgor to post it so um my bad I will do that in a few days—
But I wanted to design (or more accurately, redesign cuz I did draw em once a while back but I’m not satisfied with them) and I think I ate so far so uh yea. There isn’t any logic to sharing this, I just thought it was cool😭
And actually, imma share them here too just so y’all can see my boy ;w;
(A lil outdated cuz I didn’t give him lips at the time)
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Okay there we go~
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As you can see, I want all the boys to look kinda etherial and like they'd turn heads, and I think I am SUCCEEDING SO HARD SO FAR CUZ DAMNNNN THEY'RE ALL PRETTY AS SHIIIIIIIT TEEHEE✨ Also am tryna make sure they actually look Blasian since that's what the canon of my story says they are. I'll talk about them more another time when I have all of them on here~
But yea that's all for art this time folks :> ONTO THE NEXT THINGGG
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Chapter Progress Time Whoop Whoooop‼️‼️
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I didn’t make much progress on anything this month due to college—again, it’s fine, but there’s a shit ton of time management going on in my part to just manage everything and make sure I’m on track—BUT I am indeed still working on chapter 10. We’re up to 20 pages now which is only two more pages written from last month, but it’s kinda cool writing Donnie and I feel like I’m getting a better understanding of him! One thing I’ve been tryna do is understand autism better as a condition cuz I do wanna acknowledge and show bro’s autism instead of just ignoring it due to a lack of understanding. Donnie ain’t Donnie without it, ya know? I don’t know everything and tbh I would say I still have A LOT to learn on the subject matter, but I’m tryna expand my knowledge every opportunity I get and experimenting with how to better show it! This is to say tho, I’M NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, NOR AN EXPERT ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM. This is what I’m finding and comprehending via my own research, and can tbh end up being wrong so please don’t quote me as a reliable source, I’m still learning ;v;
I remember one of the things I kept hearing about was autism leading people to struggle with empathy. The best way I heard it being described was someone bringing the example of when their friend was upset. That person can’t truly feel their friend’s emotions because they’re not the one experiencing it, so can’t properly understand how it’s making their friend feel. But they can see that their friend is communicating their sadness, and they still try to comfort them and make sure their friend knows they’re there for support. I understood it as bringing logic to emotions in a sense; collecting data and figuring out how to handle the situation based on the data rather than using intuition alone.
I’ve been using that to figure out how Donnie might handle more emotionally subtle situations, where he might try to rationally work through what’s happening and kinda substitute it in place of natural empathy. Like the little tidbit I gave above! Instead of just automatically being able to get vibes that the other person is upset, I felt maybe Donnie would instead notice the fact their tone is kinda different from before; it’s basically a data point. With that data point in mind, he could connect it to past experiences where a tone change could indicate a mood change, and as a result he might conclude that Salena’s tone change means she’s upset. I comprehend it as manually working through empathy rather than it being second nature, if that makes sense. Obviously and thankfully Donnie isn’t gonna spend the entire chapter playing a guessing game or anything with Salena’s emotions, it’s just one lil moment that I thought was cool challenge to myself with when writing him! I really love putting myself in the characters’ shoes when I’m writing them or their dialogue. I highly recommend it as a tool too, since it's helped me a lot with staying in character!
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Last Lil Segment Y'all
Aight so, I wanted to try doing something cool if y'all are up for it. I really love rambling about my story and lore and characters blah blah blah, but I don't really know how to do so tbh. I'm not that familiar with how social medias work cuz I just never took it seriously, and I don't wanna just keep being like HEYYYYY ASK BOX IS OPENNNNN like I'm screaming from the top of the hill either. Sooooo insteaddddd
I think it'd be fun to do Q&As here! Or at least something similar. I'll open my ask box again and feel free to send any questions you want; it can be about the story, past lore, design questions, getting to know the characters, absolutely anything! Then when I'm gonna do my update for the month, I'll compile all y'all's asks, (prolly will have to tag to make sure you guys know I answered it, or if you ask anon then uh idk look out for the monthly update) and then answer them during the monthly update as the last section! I think it'll be a cool way to make this feel more interactive, and gives me an excuse to ramble. Don't be afraid to ask potentially spoilery questions either! If it's something I can't spoil yet or even give hints or vague answers about, I'll just say so in the update!
Anywhizzle, That's All Folks~!
I'm glad there was so much to talk about this month! I actually deadass thought it would be short but I should know better with my yapping' ass💀✨ But yeah, thanks for reading everyone! I hope y'all enjoy the rest of your days, and I shall see you next month~ Bye :D
Tageroonies:
@yosajaeofficial @chaoticspeedrun @ramblehour @randomcerealbrand @goldanrabbit @m1sf0rtun3 @foundthethief @ackalice @jellyfishheartsss @dollyrin @harukonene @iieieiw @mwantstossleep @zipzaizen @hypocriticaltypwriter @lordfreg @rainbowpr1sm @idioticsky @oleander-nin @cheeselord-official @skittlesqueen101
By the way, if you guys think you’d like to be tagged whenever an MFIP chapter is posted, lmk in a reblog or comment (no asks or dms plz, too inconvenient) and I’ll be sure to tag so it’s more reliable than tumblr notifs :3🫶
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ROTTMNT: Moths Fly In Packs
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r1poutmygvtz · 14 days ago
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longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon
also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason
(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)
my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed
it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything
anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)
i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now
also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account
anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything
tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again
it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day
i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff
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chocotonez · 2 years ago
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skz: you get them a christmas gift they wanted
a/n: took so long to get this out because I was wrapping Christmas gifts </3 enjoy and stay warm!!
genre/warnings: fluff w angst maybe?? if you squint really hard?? christmas mentions but no religious connotations, tell me if there’s anything else that should be tagged
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chan
-he'll never outright ask for something from you
-but he's very obvious about wanting smth even if he tries to hide it its kinda cute honestly
-so when you get him a new keypad he's been eyeing he is OVERJOYED
-kinda dumb and is like "wait how did u know" even tho earlier he was crying while looking at a photo of it
-over the moon,,,he just loves u so much and it's not even the gift its just the fact you listen to him and pay attention to his wants that make him so happy :>
-gets a little insecure over his gift tho but you reassure him u love it (you better)
-gives u a big kiss, the best gift he could've asked for was really just being with you
lee know
-tries to play it off, idk i feel like he’s the type to feel awkward when people show appreciation/gratitude towards him
-or like when people sing happy birthday he has a slight mental breakdown
-anyways anyways, he’s just bad at outwardly expressing how thankful he is, so he just squeezes your hand n gives you a really big smile
-”thank you, i love you”
-honestly if you didn’t know him that well you might confuse his reaction with being v neutral but that’s just him shutting down because he’s literally running laps for you in his head
-tries to outdo you though w gifts tho LMAO, but this ain’t about u rn this about him
-he wishes he could better voice how he grateful he is not only for the gift, but for you as well. In the meantime, he’ll stick to showing it :>
changbin
-screams or smth like that probably
-i think binnie’s generosity is very underappreciated, so even a sweet note that explains how grateful u are for him makes his heart burst w love
-he puts a lot of care and thought into christmas gifts, and knowing you either acknowledged that or reciprocated that means the world to him
-peppers kisses all over ur face while repeating how thankful he is and how important you are to him, he just thinks ur so precious!!
-sigh. If only he knew how cute he was.
-honestly i think he’ll get really excited no matter the gift, because you going out of your way to show you care for him makes him bawl his eyes out tbh
hyunjin
-probably gets u the gift you’ve been eyeing first teehee
-very emotionally intelligent, so he immediately noticed the way your eyes lit up when you saw something you liked at the store
-but he didn’t really expect you to reciprocate it in a way?? like obviously he knew you were gonna get him a gift but to get him something so special,,,
-even without material possessions he loves u more than anything but just knowing that you know him so intimately that you can recognize what gift he wants!! he goes insane
-gets kinda shy tbh like he genuinely didn’t expect this from you,,,it’s not that he doesn’t appreciate it but it’s just he feels so overwhelmed to know that the effort he puts into caring and looking out for you is the same amount of effort you put in as well (did that make sense??)
han
-cries probably
-I know I tend to exaggerate his emotions but he cries when he unwraps the gift
-he loves so playfully, but he gets nervous that you interpret this as him not taking your relationship seriously
-so seeing you put effort into getting him new producing equipment reassures him that you really do care!
-gets a little insecure over his gift but makes up for it by being really cute </3
-kisses u all over and is just jumping with joy!!
-like lee know he doesn’t really know how to express his gratitude, but for him it’s just because he doesn’t do so traditionally
-rather than the usual thank you cards, han goes the extra mile to show how much he appreciated it, whether it be producing you a whole album or buying you the latest *insert thing you wanted*
felix
-very taken aback
-rather than just one gift you made him a little gift box of things he likes!! and to him, seeing how you managed to gather all of his interests just means you really do listen and notice what he likes
-he really loves feeling cared for like that :,) there’s something so special in feeling heard in relationships, and you are always listening to him!!
-once over the initial shock he’s all cuddly and squeezing you and giggly
-“eeeee thank you!! you’re so cute!! are you blushing?? cute!!!”
-he is also blushing and giggling you guys r just two little cuties </3 cute
seungmin
-teases you and says “you’re obsessed with me”
-he’s madly obsessed with you too dw dw
-like lee know and han he doesn’t traditionally express his gratitude, but that’s just because the dynamic of your relationship is like that :> he feels comfortable enough to be himself and express himself in the way he wants to
-he’s admiring the gift and you’re snickering because u know he likes it and he’s just like “shut up I’m wondering if this is recycling or trash”
-he proudly displays it in his room or keeps it in mint condition LMAO, what a tease
-honestly he’s more grateful for how you manage to love him relentlessly, even if he can be a little bit mean teehee
-of course he loves the gift! but knowing that you can reciprocate his gratitude in your guys’ weird lil way makes him even more blushy
jeongin
-probably makes it a competition or smth lmao
-gets upset because how can he out-do you now!! but then he stops being a baby and he’s like omg wait you got this for me
-has to process the fact you got him something that’s been on his amazon wishlist for a solid three months
-“wait, really? for me?”
-he knows obviously you guys were getting gifts for each other, but it’s just the fact you evidently put so much love and you knew him well enough to get him this gift…That’s what’s so touching
-probably gives u a gummy smile and calls you a dumb dumb for spending that much money on some independent designer’s clothes that he’s been following
-weird sentence sorry sorry
-but!! his heart is so warm n fuzzy when he thinks about the fact that you really did something like that for him :> feels so appreciated
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claudiajcregg · 4 months ago
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Tagged by @mihrsuri. Thanks, Lil! I feel like I've answered these in the not-so-distant past, and might have accidentally ignored one or more tags. Oops. I need to check the Mentions tab and check it out!
(I also started writing this… earlier this week, and forgot about the tab. Sorry this is so so long.)
01. how many works do you have on ao3? 24 fics, though one of them has eight ficlets… So some would count it as 31. (It's still 24.)
02. what's your total ao3 word count? 167,815 words
03. what fandoms do you write for? TWW.
04. top five fics by kudos?
maybe everything's just turning out how it should be
(big gulf here)
say it's here where our pieces fall in place
just your smile lit a sixty-watt bulb in my house that was darkened for days
nobody knows how to get back home
we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it 
05. do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to get to all of them, and feel bad when I hoard them (because they're lovely) or they slip through the cracks. (I tend to wait some time before replying to the comments on my most recent fic, so if anything comes in later, it might be immediate or two months late.)
06. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I feel like I always struggle with this answer because they're mostly hopeful endings! Which is just my perception and now how it is. Tempted to go check what I've answered in the past.
Most recently, I think what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy has that 'right person, wrong time', on borrowed time vibes. But maybe not! My go-to answer always feels like my post-Portland Trip fic, don't want you to go but I'll be okay, because it feels so final and bittersweet then.
07. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Oh, which one should I pick? I think the Cali/Jan 22nd fic from earlier this year (oh, and I will be with you to feel the California sun) is just pure happiness, tbh. Memoir fic (still you never took your hand from mine) also feels like a saccharine, sweet ending! (Could've also picked the literal wedding reception-set fic, lol.)
08. do you get hate on fic? No! Luckily. If I have, I don't remember. I've gotten a weird comment or two, but those weren't about the fics. So no!
09. do you write smut? Nooooo, of course not. (This is the last time I'll beg you to read on main and that's under a cut lol.) Up till now I could say it was mild scenes in yet-to-be-posted fics, which remains true, but I posted a literal smutty fic last Friday, lol. I'm proud of it and myself, for getting out of my comfort zone, and while it's flopping I'm glad those who've read it liked it!
10. craziest cross over? This is the question that undoubtedly makes me go “lol I've definitely done this before.” Because I always joke that I've already seen the craziest canon crossovers on screen. That said, I haven't personally written one, and don't have ideas.
11. have you ever had a fic stolen? No? Sometimes I wonder if some ideas have been borrowed but wouldn't say stolen.
12. have you ever had a fic translated? No! Maybe one day I'll do it myself. (I don't think there's demand for it/Spanish-written fics in this fandom.) (Once again, I'm sure that this answer matches the previous ones.)
13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Sounds fun! No. But anyone interested? hmu.
14. all-time favorite ship? In what sense? I cannot choose, but at the same time… We all know.
15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't like putting this energy out in the universe. It's one thing to post (that's probably a long list) but actual WIPs that are worth it? I want to believe I'll get to them eventually. (But. Unfortunately, the answer is many of them.)
16. what are your writing strengths? Internal world? As in, I am “good” at describing the internal world of a character. idk.
17. what are your writing weaknesses? I write in my second language. I feel like everything's a weakness. (World building, descriptions, dialogue.)
18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? As long as it doesn't take the reader out (and makes sense in the story), 👍 I might have peppered in some Spanish in some of my writing but it feels wrong somehow.
19. first fandom you wrote in? Bones.
20. favorite fic you've written? I cannot pick a favorite child. I can affectionately call them flops because they mostly are, stats-wise, but there's something about them that I love. And I feel like some of my favorite stuff is what's not yet posted! Because it stops feeling “mine” once it's out there.
don't want you to go but I'll be okay · Portland fic · my automatic answer because I felt it was special the second I finished it. So many things came together (that quote, particularly).
we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it · St Augustine, a precanon campaign fic ·(Any of the first four (posted in 2021) is super special to me. This one was another one I knew would be special. And it has big “there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you” energy.
your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep · (3+1 fic set in the last third of S7, ft the press corps) · Taylor sang KOMH on N2 because she loved this. I just know it. (I just really love secret relationships/working around that S7 period so much.)
nobody knows how to get back home · itsotg missing scen) · I just like it a lot, and it's also a good candidate for angsty ending. When did it get so many kudos?!
maybe everything's just turning out how it should be · big block of cheese 2008 · felt disingenuous not to include the fic I always knew I wanted to post, even if it's another early one. It's my most popular by a huge margin, and I'm glad.
I so wanted to add fics like the Cali one but this always depends on my mood! So this is the answer that might always change haha.
Shoutout to some unposted ones that I love but won't get published. Or others perpetually in limbo, like the two big multichapters (IM and S5 pregnancy). I feel like some of my best stuff is in What Once Was Ours (the IM AU fic I wrote in 2021), or the S5 Pregnancy AU (which I hope to finish this summer! And I want to start posting once I feel like I'll make that deadline)… And I'm currently really fond of one I've started to call “demons that you know raise hell worse than a stranger.” Coming to you soon, if I get my crap together!
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6okuto · 2 years ago
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Another one because i love this boy and i don't know if it's clear or not but what about MC being terrified of water ( for idk what reason ) but who tries to beat it so they can go play in the water with cove too so the it's the first time they actually go swimming together.
╭( ๐_๐)╮ i have no idea if this sentence is correct
Anyway have fun regardless if you do or do not do it !
COVE WITH AN MC SCARED OF WATER
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gn!reader | ppl not good w water representation !!! (me) (it's me.) i think this can work for any cove past the step 1 memories because you know,,, the cast. i was picturing step 3 cove mostly though 🥹
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there's a few ways to go about this off the top of my head: mc tries to get over their fear by themself, mc lying and cove finding out in the middle of it (higher probability with younger cove who doesn't know the mc as well), or mc telling him and them working together to overcome the fear. tbh scenario 1 leads to 2 anyways LOL
woah. just thought of another option where mc tries to get over their fear by themself first. to be quite honest i'm not sure how effective that'd be, and also if it'd be a good idea at all so i'd hope it also leads to scenario 2
if mc does manage to make a dent in their fear with their own research and taking a lot of time, cove might catch on just because they're spending a lot of time at the beach. whether he asks to tag along, or he actually finds them himself, it feels a bit inevitable LOL
scenario 1 (caught in a lie) — mc is standing on/near the shore while cove's already wading into the water, probably up to his hips by now. he turns to find them staring and is just,, so confused
he asks what they're doing, and if they actually wanted to stay on the shore, but mc's hesitation tips him off that something's up
when mc finally tells him they're actually scared of water young cove might ask why they wanted to come with him then. cue mc saying they wanted to spend time with him or something of that sort and cove being flustered immediately 🥹🥹
either way he's honestly so so shocked how he didn't know about this earlier considering his own affinity for water and where they live . ultimately he's understanding and tries to find a compromise; he doesn't want to make them do something they don't want to!!
if mc tells him that they want to go in the water he's a little hesitant, but their obvious dedication gets his compliance
scenario 2 (teamwork) — he's taking this seriously! cove asks beforehand what they want to do, if there's anything he shouldn't bring up, etc because he really really wants them to be comfortable.
he tells them about all the nice things about swimming and some of his favourite memories to try easing into it. cove talking about mermaids and different stories he's picked up...🥹🥹
won't go far into the water unless mc really wants to; he's happy to sit in the water where it isn't too high and just talk ! and if they want to hold onto him, he's right there
if mc can't swim and they ask cove to teach them ?? he'll definitely try his best. might run to get some kind of floaties or something, and also stay near the shore since he's never had to teach someone how to swim but you know
cove offers to get his surfboard so they could at least rest on it while he takes them around. he promises he's strong and will move slowly so it's no problem for him
if mc apologizes for taking their time, or they're scared that they've ruined his plans, etc. etc. cove reminds them that he wants to help, and that he's touched that they want to go into the water. getting over huge fears isn't easy and it's really admirable that mc wants to put in the time
oh brother. one of the things i despise is dunking my head under the water. i simply won't. i can imagine cove comforting mc by holding their hands/arms, telling them they only have to do it for a second, etc. it's about baby steps, baby!
they go further and further whenever mc is ready, and cove gets so so proud/happy each time. Dating cove with High Initiative? little kiss for every accomplishment. sorry i make the rules and i'm right.
cove won't ask While they're swimming or anything, but he does wonder if there's a story behind their fear. he asks tentatively, giving them time to think of a response and is of course not hurt if they wouldn't like to share then and there. he does reassure them that if they do want to talk about it later, he'll be there
even if it actually takes multiple 'sessions,' at the end of it all they both get to enjoy swimming together so it was really worth it ^___^ they can now both swim far out, or surprise the other from below, idk play marco polo?, etc etc
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@dreamtydraw @lordbugs @xfangirl-trashx @fifteenshadesofpinkk @lotus-sukimono @bakugosgrenade @vhenis @anime-ships-gay
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inevitablestars · 5 months ago
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HEY LINDS this is my Official Attempt to sway you towards perciver i hope you like it and that it doesnt turn you off them forever, now first off!
general relationship potential:
percy and oliver are in the same year and as far as we know they are the only boys in gryffindor in their year which makes them not only roommates but also the only boys in their room. for seven years.
percy is incredibly misunderstood by his whole family pretty much always, they all avoid him or are rude to him or just misunderstand him completely. with oliver's proximity its very likely hes the first person ever in percys life to properly observe him and understand him!!!
percy is the most career driven singleminded ambitious motherfucker in gryffindor.... second only to oliver!!! who is the most quidditch obsessed bitch on this planet and arguably has more solid career goals of anyone in that entire series. they are hyperfocused! they are girlbossing! they are not getting a wink of sleep bc they both get so lost in their work they forget what time is!
classic jock/nerd combo except oliver is a jock who is secretly a nerd (think of all the quidditch stats!!) and percy is a nerd who is secretly a jock (percy is a master spellcaster and nobody can convince me otherwise, that man fought multiple death eaters on his own at the battle of hogwarts and you do not get that kind of skill from just sitting behind a desk)
idk theres honestly a lot of directions one could take them but theyve just got so much chemistry and so much in common but also different and theyve got so much potential
(in my head they are the definition of autism/adhd solidarity but i know that not everyone hcs them that way which is cool too)
now for fic recs!!!
Twenty-nine - 85k - Endrina
percy weasley-centric fic that is honestly one of the most creative interpretations of him ive ever read, it goes deep into his past and his canonic decisions and stuff but theres a twist to it that is just gold, also its a whodunit where oliver's been framed for murder and only percy knows hes innocent its very very good and definitely played a huge part in me falling in love w percy's character
A New Life - 89k - AnotherAuthor, myroaringtwenties
percy and oliver meet post-war and help each other get their lives moving forward again, its very well written and very sweet but mind the tags its kinda heavy at points, it doesnt shy away from how hard the war was on everyone but the community that the weasleys and the quiddich players have is very warm and i love it
At least he has great abs - 12k - Irisen
this one is a cute shorter nonmagic soulmate au where oliver is a famous footballer and percy is a politician and they end up being soulmates, its very funny and light and i just enjoy it
(also i am technically writing a perciver fic rn its called Rely On Me and the first two chapters are up on ao3 but its my first fic attempt and i havent updated it all summer bc Life so pls dont feel obligated to read it i just felt like it would be weird if i didnt mention it)
anyway! i hope you enjoyed this if nothing else and if you read these or find other perciver fics or just wanna talk about em lmk bc i am always down to talk perciver i love them with my whole heart and soul <3
josephine hello. is this from literally ten months ago? perhaps it is. but i'm here now.... you mentioned perciver earlier and it reminded me that this has been sitting in my inbox for SO LONG
alright let's get into this
• iconic of them to be alone in a dorm for seven years together that already screams soulmates
• you're so right these two get their minds set on something and they're going to get it they're going to achieve whatever they want (tbh i already think they should put that energy toward like Getting Together but i distress)
• nerd jocks! a slay tbh
• i see the autism adhd thing i get it
• i also think like yeah i agree they have a lot in common when you dig into them but from one glance it's like ? these two? really? but then you see who they are at their core and it's like oh of course how could you think anything else (i have a lot of characters and dynamics that this sorta concept applies to i get it)
also love the inclusion of fic recs which i will check out when i am back to reading <3 consider myself convinced (it did not take much you already convinced me by just sending this ask)
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zmediaoutlet · 1 year ago
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Hello friend! Question for you (because I believe you have top tier taste). Do you have any fave late season or established relationship Sam/Dean fics? I notice that sooo many fics are centered around them getting together and "weecest", but sometimes I'm in the mood for a nice cut to the chase/"we both know whats goin on here" kind of story! Thank you :)
hello, grey circley friend! I am pleased that you like my taste, we're definitely in agreement there, and also OH MY GOD I love later-seasons and established relationship SO MUCH, they are my FAVORITE and it makes me turn into a very sad little emoji face whenever those polls go by and everyone's always like, oh, s1-3 first time is the best. And I'm just like oh :( not for me :( why can't people like the things i like :(
But that's why we just gotta be out here writing for ourselves, allegedly, although tbh it would be nice if other people liked it too, lol. (Seriously was considering a poll of like 'hey, which wip would you guys actually want to read'.)
If this isn't too terribly forward, I'm gonna do this -- because apparently I've written... 72 established relationship wincest fics, and like. idk, I think they're okay. At least some of those are later seasons.
But now not being super tacky, let me see if I can give you... three by other people that I really like --
Got No Direction by mistyzeo -- I crabsolutely ADORE this one, which is truly a quick cut-to-the-chase with no messing around and no angst, just two people who like each other and like fucking each other having a good ol' time. It isn't really set in a particular era but for some reason it reads very s7ish to me? Maybe because of when I first read it, even though it was clearly published earlier. Love it, adore it, you read it and adore it too.
what lies underneath by @rivkat -- sorta schmoopy shaving/praise kink but really it's about how Sam loves Dean So Much and I'm always here for that as a plot. Also a sink nearly gets fucked off the wall, which can only be a good thing. Good comfort food on a bad day.
Loser by @winchestersinthedrift -- Becky's the all time champ of writing bodies as bodies and getting in and out with a minimum of fuss and a maximum of oomph. Her Sam is probably the sexiest Sam who's ever been written and he just thinks that Dean's delightful, and you know what, same. This is Bunker era in a vague and happy space.
-- and the reason it's only three, I'm sorry, is that the server troubles are making this Difficult, lol. But surely that's enough to be going on with. To other people: heyyyy, isn't it so funnnn when you've got people who've gotten past all the kissy worry and now the worry is about other stuffffff, heyyyyyyyyy
(that's my attempt at getting people to tag more stuff Established, anon. let's see if it works.)
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sotvtaughtmehowtofeel · 4 months ago
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20 Questions for Writers
Thanks for the tag @autumnwoodsdreamer 💜
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
47
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
118,647
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Prospect. I used to write for The Last of Us but alas, the rot has shifted
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Uncle Joel
Safe
Home
Tell Her
Tacos
These are all short little one shots for tlou
5. Do you respond to comments?
I really try to but I think the honest answer is no 😭 every once in a while I go on a bender and respond to like 50 comments but I get so anxious responding because I'm like hiii thank you 🧍‍♀️ the best way to talk to me is on here tbh but please please don't stop leaving me comments I love them with my entire soul
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Probably Joel. It's a death fic, but honestly it's not very good lol I have a death fic for Prospect that is mostly written that's gonna be wayy angstier, I just have to finish it
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
To see myself reflected in your eyes 💜 Cee and Ezra deserve to live a happy life thanks
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I haven't, I've been lucky. People have been super supportive and so so nice on my fics (I love you all).
tbh I don't think my writing is popular enough to get hate lol.
9. Do you write smut?
No
10. Do you write crossovers?
I have written so many crossover fics that will never ever see the light of day lol I do not have any on ao3
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that I know of (again I don't think my writing is popular enough for either of these things to happen haha)
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Tumblr user tlouobsessed and I cowrote a fic (sobbed in our dms together). I took all the ideas we had talked about and wrote a little ficlet from them and I consider that cowriting
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
Oh, how to answer that. Willow and Tara (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) were my original OTP, I shipped them before I knew what shipping was. Nomi and Amanita (Sense8), couple of all time. There are more but I think those are my top two.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
No Light 😭 I have ideas but no rot left. Maybe season 2 will reignite it, but I just don't know. Also, Stolen Future, the Prospect death fic I mentioned earlier. Idk why but I'm having so much trouble just finishing it. I do hope to actually finish that one day.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I think I can write some good dialogue and fight scenes sometimes
I think I do a good job with storytelling sometimes? Combining different threads across a story to bring it all together. I'm thinking of how the present and flashbacks interact in By Midnight Time and something from Stolen Future
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I cannot describe things to save my life. All of my fics happen in empty white rooms good luck I hope your imagination fills everything in. It's such a fundamental aspect of writing that I am so so bad at lol I'm trying to learn from my friends and reading published books but it's hard!
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Prev also said this but I agree, italicize other languages. Otherwise, go for it, but do your research if you don't speak the language
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer back when I was a teenager. Didn't know what fanfic was, but my sister and I had a LOT of feelings about Buffy and we had to express them somewhere so we wrote our stories.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
By Midnight Time. Now I just need to freaking finish it 😉
Although I'm also very very fond of Blood of the Covenant and Water of the Womb, a one-shot told from both Ezra's and Cee's pov
Absolutely no pressure tags: @orangechickenpillow @blooming-gwens @dilf-din @ellies-little-gun @ellies-enrichment @outer-edges @steeb-stn @wicked--loving--lies
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faeriekit · 2 years ago
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Hey gang. So:
1) If I ask a yes or no question about something I’m posting, a. I don’t need two paragraphs about your reasoning as to why you have this opinion, especially if the update it’s about is already posted and isn’t going to change. A “yes, cool” or “nah, not really” will suffice. b. I don’t need four different responses about how much you dislike the direction I’ve taken, and neither do I need to see attempts to rope in other users to have you...actually change their mind? It’s perfectly fine to dislike my writing or one of my writing products. But make your own post about it, please, so I don’t get blasted with six different critiques simultaneously in my notes. This is a boundary I am about to enforce via blocking, because:
2) Writing fanfic is a personal hobby and mode of de-stressing of mine. I’m not a professional writer. I am using tumblr as a mode of publishing, so clearly this isn’t that deep. I have to keep it not-that-deep for personal reasons, because the literal instant that this becomes work, or worse, an actual stressor, my brain shuts down any creative interest and I go back into anhedonia mode. If anhedonia has never been on your symptoms sheet before...it sucks. It really does.
3) I work eleven hour days. I am in my final semester of grad school. I have homework to do nightly. The finals due this month will determine the course of my career. This fic has largely turned my eleven hour days to thirteen-to-fifteen hour days when I include meals. The turnaround on Blister Pack has been incredibly short, considering the daily update pattern. It’s okay to not like raspberry scones or whatever you want this metaphor to be, but if I offer you raspberry scones after spending my only free time baking them and your response is to tell me the mistakes I’ve made in the process, then. Well. I’m certainly not going to consider baking my fun hobby I do with friends anymore.
I’m not going to blame anyone for this. This is not anyone’s fault. Since BP has largely gotten ten times more popular than I ever imagined it would be, I’m ngl, I was largely expecting something to go wrong way earlier than this. This is about how I will proceed in the future and how I hope we can get along in the future. Feel free to read. Feel free to dislike. Feel free to-- idk, make your own post where you get vocal about where my writing goes and why you personally don’t like it. Sure. Just don’t make me see it and...what, expect me to uproot the story? Rewrite it to match your personal view of the media and of the fic? I don’t always know what people’s intention are when they comment this tbh; if I dislike a fic, I just stop reading. 
Anyway, the block button is on the table as far as options go, but I trust the vast majority of you and we clearly haven’t had problems about this previously. Blister Pack is finished in its word doc. I just have to trick my brain into thinking that posting the ending isn’t a threat to my internal wellbeing.
Thank you for reading the little I write, thank you for the well-intentioned comments, even if I couldn’t receive them in the manner you intended; and thank you for sharing your thoughts and interests when you have the energy. I often feel as though writing is very isolating, and though I often get too overwhelmed to respond, I have read every single individual comment that has been sent to me. Comments. Tags. Replies. Everything. You’re the glue that’s been holding my motivation together to finish this for once.
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Once Blister Pack is posted, this will be the first fic I have finished since...since I wrote my first fic a decade ago. Fucking Hells. 🥂
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pumpkinstrawbrew · 2 months ago
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I desperately want to draw Batcrow, but I’m unfortunately going through an art block right now. If you don’t mind, I hope I can ask you for a prompt, since I do believe you are THE Batcrow shipper. Besides, I think it’s a win win, considering that there is little content of this pair, this would be a free treat, as I haven’t made any contribution in the tag yet. Any will do by the way, be it sensual; romantic; I’m down for it! And once I’m done, I’ll leave it in your mail teehee~
blocks are honestly a rather annoying thing. esp if you have free time an’ motivation, but no ability to do anything with it. that’s just evil of our brains. either way, i’ll be glad to help, if i can! an’ oh, that’s a real bandage of honor right here! hehe. [blushes] i’m happy to be your local batcrow preacher! i know there should be more of us scarebat believers out there. even if not all are vocal.
but alright, so prompt. i’m not sure what exact version you gravitate towards more or which one you like the most, i’ll do my best to try an’ give you fairly ‘loose’ concepts, that can be calibrated / tweaked into what you might be possibly aiming for. an’ ah, mailed in my in-box? i’m very honored! what a thing to log in to, it would be! 
so um, first on the menu is what bats can do with all those ropes / belts, that many jonathan’s have as part of their costume. i always feel like they are perfect for gripping an’ tugging an’ also if we take into account jon’s noose, it’s like bruce can press his fingers under the rope around his leg / waist / wrist an’ keep him in place by the noose or collar piece. jonathan doesn’t have a lot of things he can grab in return. bruce’s cape, his belt, the sharper ends of his gloves *if he have those pieces in his design* but that's like a stalemate. also touching that can be used in different manner, rougher or gentlier one. as a way to press foward or to confuse. i also always thought, that it's funny that in some comic versions, jonathan have so many ropes around him, that bruce can literally use these to tie him up, if he wanted to lol. costumes are really such a big part of superhero media, that it kinda upsets me a tad, when people keep complitly disregarding those in stories *less so in arts tbh* that's like hating extra toping to your ice cream. so many sexy an' intimate things can be done with it, esp bc in most other media, there isn't an actually reasonable way *besides idk, a halloween party* to make someone wear latex or specific piece of clothes, like mask or gloves.
marks. another bluntly intimate / sexy aspect about the whole superhero thing is how usually there is always a fight / a scuffle, a way to touch, that doesn't even always have to be fist to the face. personally, when i think about them actually leaving marks on each other *purposely or not*, i think that crane scratches a lot? the sheer fact that BTAS an’ earlier comic designs depict the ends of his gloves as lil claws can be such a good tool. or even jon’s exposed fingers in arkhamverse, where he has needles on the other hand. in turn, bruce can squeeze him pretty strongly, the sort of gesture, that makes skin burn, bones ache, but if they do it during intimacy, be it a kiss or smth more heated, that’s like a try to attempt an’ communicate things. funny enough, i don't think that any of them are esp bitey *besides vampire AU* but then again, bit lip or tongue? or just generally small bite. maybe, jon can bite bruce's hand lol. he's not above it, i imagine. as well, as bruce won't be above to pettily shove his fingers deeper into his mouth or bite him in return lol. just pure shock of them being childish toward one another, but also like....lol, he's biting me. what. no one does that.
them reacting to each other’s compliments. while crane’s way of complimenting bruce is always hilariously abrasive an’ not self-aware at all, i wonder what it might have been if jon was more focused on a certain aspect of him. like his arm muscles. or his face *what he can see of it if the mask is on* an’ actually be accidentally poetic about it. jon read a ton of books, he actually might have a way with words, usually he just doesn’t operate in that way. but scarecrow waxing poetry about bat an’ making bruce feel squirmy under compliments is a good thing to imagine. naturally, he gets a lot of praise as batman an’ bruce, but those are usually just super surface level vs someone, who stares at him an’ thinks that he’s the most attractive an’ alluring man, who ever lived lol. an’ in return, bruce showering jon in praise can make different versions of him take it differently, but all be blushy an’ confused to certain extend. batman finding a new method to ‘torture’ him like that be smth else. just compliment him till he makes a noise, like he’s dying, bc he can’t handle it. like closed off body language, lower heads, or general perplexed expression on either of them. heh. 
an’ this one for funzies, like how would jon carry bruce? bruce can do it with ease. jon is light an’ thin. but if it’s the other way around, could at least some versions of crane pull it off? not to drag the bat by the legs, but actually try an' hold his weight.
i hope, some of it might be helpful / inspirational enough. i’ve tried to keep fairly detailed, but also with a leeway for you to imagine, add smth of your own.
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adhd-merlin · 8 months ago
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2023 WRITING REVIEW
I really don't write much but it's the second time @eeverlark tags me in a writing meme (I think) soooo alright lys I'll do it. for you 🫶🏻
1. number of stories posted to ao3: 4, and yes I'm counting the fic I updated in early January because 7 out of 8 chapters were written in 2023
2. number of words posted last year: 49k
3. fandoms i wrote for: only Merlin I'm monogamous 💛
4. pairings: Merwenthur; Merwaine; background Arwen in an Arthur & Merlin fic if that counts
5. stories with the most:
KUDOS || BOOKMARKS: Call It Anything We Want (281 | 48)
COMMENT THREADS: my merwenthur vignettes have 31 threads (excluding the chapter posted in January 2024). makes sense given every chapter is basically a self-contained ficlet
6. work i'm most proud of (and why): every fic I write is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever written and it remains so until I post a new one.
Honestly though every fic(let) has some things I like and some I think I could've done better.
Having said that, Call It Anything We Want is the first fic I posted on ao3 after a long writing hiatus so. I'm proud of that and of the amount of time I've put into this story as a whole.
7. work i'm least proud of (and why): hmmm see previous answer.
there's a ficlet called The Hunting Trip that I think I could have done better – mainly the conversation Arthur and Merlin have about Uther – but I just wanted to get it done tbh. I do like how it starts though. And Cavall the dog :)
8. share or describe a favorite review you received: I absolutely love any time someone says they liked my characterisation. for example:
your characterization is insane i am so obsessed. its so so good. like. idk how to describe it you just write relationships meshing so well together and not in like. an unrealistically flawless way but in a warm and familiar way. im in awe.
or
I love this story, your writing, this relationship, this dynamic, your details, your characterization, your everything and I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time. I’m sorry for not expressing this earlier. Your continuation of the original story was incredibly, believably, wondrously fantastic.
Comments like these give me life 🥺
9. a time when writing was really, really hard: 99% of the time if I'm being honest
10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wrote a ficlet that was supposed to be magically genderbent!Merlin x Arthur smut but it ended up being fem!Merlin x Gwen instead because Arthur wasn't cooperating
11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:
“Ah, the court sorcerer himself!” Gwaine exclaims, spreading his arms wide, and some wine sloshes out of his goblet and spills on the floor. He claps one hand on Merlin's shoulder. “Congratulations, Master Merlin.” “I told you to stop calling me that.” Gwaine just looks at him. Head to toe, with a grin that does nothing to hide what he's thinking, and must therefore come across as incredibly lewd. “You look good in green,” is all he says. Merlin raises an eyebrow. “You think I look good in anything.” Gwaine leans closer; close enough to purr in Merlin’s ear: “And even better in nothing at all.” Mainly for the pleasure of watching the tips of Merlin’s ears flush pink. — UNWAVERING
12. how did you grow as a writer last year: well I actually wrote something which is a good starting point
13. how do you hope to grow this year: I'd love to write a multi-chapter fic with an actual plot someday. also get better at titling things
14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): I think all the lovely people that left me some feedback made me push myself a tiny bit harder to keep writing and posting. a special shout-out to @castelled-away for writing whole essays about my merwenthur ficlets, I've loved every single comment 💛
15. anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: nothing apart from my desire to kiss Colin Morgan on the mouth
16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers: sometimes done is better than perfect. just get it done and move on it's fine if it's not a masterpiece. at least that's what I often have to tell myself but also I suspect I have adhd
17. any projects you're looking to starting (or finishing) this year: I would like to finish my Sefa-centric WIP, I wrote like 8k words but I'm not sure where it's going
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leclerced · 3 months ago
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I found the bracelet! I’m so relieved I didnt actually loose it just put it in a different drawer😮‍💨
Also I’ve listened to news from F1. I swear if they put Ric in Red Bull imma combust on the place. This guy needs to retire sorry not sorry. Give Liam a seat or I’ll fucking show up on your doorstep red bull. Newey’s possible contract talks with Ferrari are in kind of a dead end. The wind whispers he considers McLaren or Aaston. Rolex’ contract comes to an end. It was for 50 million. Now the company that owns the big things like LV and this shit I believe will be the sponsor. I mean in Poland we have a saying “z deszczu pod rynnę” and…yeah… Toyota wants some kind of deal with Haas but rather small one (the wind/aerodynamic tunnel? Is that what it’s called?). Possibly Ocon to Haas. What’s Ollie done in his short 19 years of life to deserve this? Hopes and prayers if it’s true
im so glad you found it !! i knew it would turn up. this post takes up my whole screen on my pc so im adding a read more for everyone's sake.
i think they should knock out two birds with one stone and retire checo and daniel, then put yuki in the rb because he's been in the vcarb since 2021, and put liam and a new driver in the vcarb seats. and if yuki doesn't do well in the rb, they can swap him and liam around so yuki can mentor the new rookie on the vcarb team or somethinggg idk.
i saw that ferrari apparently doesn't want to pay newey as much as he wants (they spent all their money on lewis?) but mclaren and aston will, so we will see how that turns out. i personally think it'd be fun to have lewis in a car designed by newey, so i still would like to see him go to ferrari but it doesn't look like it'll happen.
the lvmh group or whateverrr owns tag heuer, who currently sponsors redbull and used to be their official time keeper and had their engine branded with tag heuer until their partnership with toyota began! so likely, tag heuer will be the new time keepers instead of rolex. wonder what will happen with the redbull sponsorship, are they going to keep supporting the bulls or will they solely be sponsoring f1 as a whole?? i looked up that saying and it seems we have it here too! out of the frying pan and into the fire. it's a good one and very fitting for a lot of things currently
the article i skimmed earlier was talking about haas using toyota's technical facility in germany because they have better/more specialized equipment including two wind tunnels, (it mentioned other things too that i don't recall) and more employees, so it would all around be better for the research and development of future cars!
im so confused about ocon at haas tbh i don't know what to think about that. i genuinely forget he exists sometimes. oopsies. im rooting for ollie, i hope he does well when he gets a seat. i'd hate to see another rookie be bumped up too early ):
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molloytheboy · 4 months ago
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tagged by @dead-ghost-walking to answer these fun fic writing questions!
How many works do you have on AO3? 42
What’s your total AO3 word count? 138,556
What fandoms do you write for? currently just the Vampire Chronicles but when I first got back into fic writing in 2020 it was Dragon Age
What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Does it feel like a dream, Mr. Molloy? | Next to Never | The Fight | Come As You Are | If This Be Nothing
5. Do you respond to comments? Usually yes! I love receiving them so I try to encourage it as much as I can by interacting <3
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably gotta be the fic where I killed Louis (which I do still plan on finishing btw)
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Holy Ground :)) this one is sickeningly sweet tbh i was in serious need of some fluff when I wrote it
8. Do you get hate on fics? only very rarely. basically never happens now that I only allow comments from people with accounts
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. all kinds. all of the kinds. VC Kink Week 2023
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? not currently but crossover crackfic was how i started my fic writing career back in high school. craziest was a roleplay with my bestie that involved characters from Naruto, Samurai Champloo, DNAngel, Fruits Basket, Gravitation, and Fullmetal Alchemist
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge. nice thing about writing for such a small fandom someone would probably notice and notify me pretty quick
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes
14. What’s your all time favorite ship? idk if i can pick one definitively but its a VC ship for sure. its kind of all of them tbh all the main canon ones. i cycle thru obsessing over each of them depending on the fic im working on. if i was forced to choose at gunpoint i would go with Nickistat
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? hate the phrasing of this how dare u make me face my demons. I will finish all of my wips i will break the cycle and then i will be free and never again be plagued by thoughts about the Characters in Situations. i know this sounds like a cop out answer but i genuinely with all my heart believe that i will eventually get to all 17 of my wips this is simply the extent of my hubris
16. What are your writing strengths? dialogue i think. and smut idk can smut be a strength. tbh i haven't received a lot of constructive feedback on my writing outside of fan spaces so i dont feel qualified to answer this
17. What are your writing weaknesses? over-explaining/over-describing characters actions and motives and emotions in a scene. i feel like this is smth that doesnt come across in my final drafts as much anymore bc ive been actively working on it but this is the thing i consistently struggle with during the process. also i tend to be kind of lazy with research which isnt the best quality to have when you write mostly in historical settings. but with fanfic i feel justifed in only spending one hour instead of three reading up on life in 18th century Paris since i do have a life to get back to at some point. if i was writing for publication i would try harder
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I do it, poorly. almost exclusively French in this fandom, and a little Italian. I do my best to check multiple translation sources (from real speakers if possible) and find example sentences to base my grammar on. but again, this is a hobby so I don't hold myself to the same standard I would if I was doing it professionally
19. First fandom you wrote for? pretty sure my first fanfic was that crossover i mentioned earlier so. all of those
20. Favorite fic you’ve written? oh boy. hold on gimme a sec. ok i think its Against All Odds rn. i was at the top of my game when it comes to Loustat banter (had recently reread the first 3 books) and its very tight and compact and cinematic im still really pleased with it 2 years (??!?!?!?) later
tagging @nightcolorz @butchybats and anyone else who wants to! u can say I tagged u <3
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