#idk i feel you but also maybe they just shouldn't have chosen to do as much as they did in 8 episodes

[sebbyisland]

i'm gonna be honest I don't care for Lucifer as a Redeemed Father Figure until he explicitly apologizes for being an absent father and also that it's actually acknowledged in the show that this happened and it sucks. He's clearly a man who had mental health challenges that prevented him from being present for his child. He's depressed, he still wears his wedding ring after at least seven years of divorce, he got kicked out of his home and LITERALLY sent to Hell. Even though he never blamed Charlie for any of that, he hurt his daughter. To say that Lilith "separated" him from Charlie takes away his own autonomy and responsibility as a parent. Charlie's mom has been MIA for literally seven years. What was stopping him from reconnecting then? Charlie is in her late 20s at MOST. Who has Charlie had to rely on except Vaggie and some Dinsey princess animal friends for nearly a decade through her young adulthood? Not her father nor her mother.

This isn't all to say Lucifer doesn't love Charlie. Clearly, Charlie reaching to him for help was a needed first step to rekindle a relationship he desperately wanted. However, it's very telling that Charlie waited until she was truly desperate to reach out to Lucifer. She loves her father, but she doesn't trust him, and she shouldn't. It's up to Lucifer from this point on to earn back her trust. Yes, mental health is difficult, and I'm happy that he seems to have realized that his love for Charlie is more important than his destroyed ideals, that there is more in life to appreciate. I'm happy for him and I love how he truly just wants to support Charlie the best he can. But he's still an irresponsible clown, and until that's addressed, I just don't think he gets to have a "Fathering Trying His Best" award. His behavior is realisitc in that most shit parents DO want to just pretend their shit behavior never happened and everything is good now, but it's not fair to their loved ones. It's ESPECIALLY not fair to Charlie.

I know this might not be as important to other fans watching, but I'm just a little dissappointed because I think there was a lot more we can get from the Charlie-Lucifer dynamic that I'm not sure the show will address in the future. Maybe in season 2? Here's to hoping idk.

[thepixelelf]

do u know nct?? if so, jung jaehyun and cupid au?!!! if not then au where wonwoo is a regular dude and also the subject of a Prophecy against his best wishes? idk i hope these are fun!!!

I genuinely don't think I could characterize jung jaehyun if I tried... but I can do reluctant Normal Guy wonwoo!! I hope you like it :]

[mr chosen one] It's been three weeks and six days since Wonwoo met the most annoying person in the world. Three weeks and six days since Wonwoo's been able to relax. Three weeks and six days of your constant pestering.

You call yourself the oracle. Whatever the hell that means.

All Wonwoo knows is that you showed up at his workplace out of nowhere as the "social media manager". Why would a company that sells Tupperware need a social media manager? Wonwoo still doesn't know. He's pretty sure you just wormed your way in to complete your life's mission-- annoying the shit out of him.

The first day, you'd leaned into his cubicle and whispered, "Hey. You're Jeon Wonwoo, right?"

And when he hesitantly nodded, wondering how the hell you already knew his name since he was one hundred percent sure he'd have nothing to do with the company's social media, you beamed.

Smiled so bright he thought he might go blind, and said, "I knew I'd find you."

Ever since that first day, you've been telling him over and over again how he's supposed to save the world.

Step number 1: find the king -- whoever that is -- in the heart of the fire.

You haven't told him who the hell "the king" is because apparently, you don't even know. And the whole "heart of the fire" thing is fuzzy to you as well, even though you're the one who said that out loud in the first place.

Step number 2: behead the king.

Yeah. Sure.

"And where am I supposed to get the sword for that?" he asked you nonchalantly a week into your nonsense, his eyes not leaving the spreadsheet he was working on. "Amazon?"

You just shrugged. "You can get anything on Amazon."

Step number 3: bear the crown under the weight of stars.

Whatever that means.

"You can't just say no," you asserted two weeks in. "This is your fate."

"I'm good, thanks." Wonwoo poured himself a mediocre black coffee in the break room, where he'd gone in the hopes of avoiding you. He didn't offer you any.

You crossed your arms. "The world is at stake."

"If the whole world is about to explode, I'm pretty sure you've got the wrong guy."

Almost four weeks of this weirdness, and maybe Wonwoo should've gone to HR by now, but it sounds a little trivial, even to him.

Hey, HR, my coworker keeps telling me I'm part of a world-saving prophecy and is convinced I need to go on a journey. I want either for them to be fired, or a couple weeks off so I can go save the world. Thanks.

Yeah, no. Instead, Wonwoo just braces himself for another day of your pestering.

...Which doesn't happen.

At the halfway point of the first peaceful lunch break Wonwoo's had in weeks, he realizes he hasn't even caught a glimpse of you all morning. He revels in that feeling for a bit, almost embarrassingly gleeful to sit in silence and eat his cup-a-noodles.

Then the afternoon goes by, and you've still yet to meet your annoyance quota for the day.

Wonwoo is happy. Yes. This is good news.

You've finally gotten over your delusions, and he won't have to deal with you anymore.

He's poking his head in Seungkwan's cubicle before he realizes he's doing it.

"Oh, them?" Seungkwan says when Wonwoo asks about you. "They left. They told big boss man we had no reason to employ a social media manager in the first place and got themselves transferred to a sister company."

Wonwoo blinks. "What?"

"Shouldn't you already know? You guys were hanging out like every day."

After that, Wonwoo walks back to his desk in silence. Awkward silence.

Why doesn't he like the silence?

When he sits down, there's a yellow sticky note on his keyboard, which he swears wasn't there when he left.

He wouldn't recognize your handwriting, but he knows it has to be yours.

Fine. I'll behead the king myself.

Wonwoo pinches the note between his fingers, and he remembers the conversation he had with you just the day before.

"It sounds dangerous," he said, focusing on the photocopier in front of him.

"Oh, it will be." You were leaned against the doorjamb. Always close by. "You'll be dodging death at every curve in the road."

"Delightful. I think I'll sit this one out."

The note gets crumpled in Wonwoo's fist. He grabs his coat and takes swift steps toward the elevators.

"Where are you going?" Seungkwan calls out when he sees Wonwoo practically run past his cubicle.

Wonwoo presses the down button before he rethinks and moves to the doors to the stairwell. He yells back, "I have no idea!"

He really doesn't.

But you said all that stuff about fate-- if it's really meant to be him that saves the world...

His footsteps, in whichever direction, will take him to you. Through fate or whatever.

At least, he really, really hopes so.

[wouriqueen]

IWTV S2 finale - General thoughts

Hmmmmmmm okay so. Top notch episode until the official end of the interview.

Post Daniel ending the session... eeeeeeh. I was disappointed. My fears about how they were going to wrap it all up ended up being founded :/ Maybe this is just because it's a first watch but Idk. The things I enjoyed were:

Jacob Anderson thank you for this 15 episodes of excellent acting, your performance will always be a classic in my house.

watching Louis be happier - I love him enough for that haha

Daniel's ending was satisfactory to me, aside from the fact that I feel we should have seen his turning for his arc to feel complete, again we needed another episode.

Here's what I didn't like or still need to think about under the cut.

No time to see Louis process the reveal + break-up. I didn't hate his reaction, though it only makes sense if he suspected it in the back of his mind, which I maintain he must have a little. The issue? We don't even see him process 77 years of Armand lying about choosing him and being sad about Claudia and/or 77 years of him lying to himself. Not even a montage. Despite the fact that it was 77 YEARS. And that seconds before Daniel threw the bomb Loumand were falling back into fond reminiscing.

Armand taking "going with the flow" to the extreme. This one might be a matter of my own competence but I don't... get it? I understand he's a character who gaslights himself into believing he can't change things. I understand he's someone who derives his own identity from serving a person or a purpose, from playing a role, and clearly is too terrified to step outside of them. But the fact he didn't take ANY independent significant step throughout the Paris era is something I'm going to have to sit with. Did he do all that because he believed Louis couldn't get rid of the coven without his help, aka without him taking action, and since he doesn't do that, everything else was an inevitability? I think what's jarring to me is that this means he never actually chose Louis in any capacity that mattered. I know he loved him but. ??

The whole Lestat thing... absolutely unearned. I just could not care because it wasn't resolved. We don't get answers about his presence at the trial. If he wasn't coerced, I don't get his defending Claudia on stage. Are we supposed to believe he only felt remorse when she looked to him for help? Sounds insane. And if he was coerced, we should have been told here. Because I can't believe Louis just... not asking these questions. Time heals, but I don't see how Louis can skip to forgiveness without any explanations given.

The "equal wrongs" vibe of the Louis and Lestat's convo. Lestat apologized for the drop, but not for everything else. As for Louis' thanks, we have seen nothing to explain this sudden appreciation for the gift. And even of we say it's been a gradual process, at the end of the day, him saying he didn't realize vampirism was a "gift" doesn't make sense because back in 1910s he was a Black man in Jim Crow America! And the gift could certainly not do for him what it's doing now! He was also losing his family in real time, which while perhaps inevitable, wasn't something he could have just chosen to not feel anything about...

Claudia. I also didn't like Louis' speech about Claudia's turning, because while factually true, the way it was written and the emphasis on "saved her from a fire only so she could die in the light" felt like he was falling in line with the whole "she shouldn't have been made "anyway". Turning her was a sin but it wasn't the only one perpetrated against her. And maybe I'm being too hard here because that's a line fandom has used, "it's sad but she shouldn't have been made", as if that diminishes the weight of the wrongs done to her. As if these vampires had any right to decide in advance that she would not make it and then make the time she did have on Earth a living hell. "It's not all on you" Louis you still haven't asked him why he was there????

Louis saying "I own the night" Wouldn't the vampires threatening him be old of part of other covens? Has he gotten strong enough from Armand's blood + Magnus' blood for that? Out of context, that was weird.

We don't see Daniel turning. Again I know we lacked time, but it would have made his arc come full circle. Especially with how present the topic of his death was in the last episode.

[madara-fate]

I haven't been in this fandom for years now, and i wanted to check out this again and wow, is still the same. I feel like, is okay if people don't like sasusaku, i can even see why (everything was wrapped very quickly at the end). But to say that real sasuke fans shouldn't support sasusaku, or that if you really love sasuke you should hate sakura is a reach. I understand if people think he was wronged by the narrative and he deserved better, but this fandom treats sakura worse than the villains. If sakura was really a bad person, sasuke would have just .... choose someone else. She was just in love with a boy who was really traumatized and in pain. She wanted the best for him, is not a big deal. Is sakura a flawed character? Yes, she is. But so is sasuke and i still love him because i can empathize with him and see how much he was suffering. They both have a lot of good and bad things. I also can understand if people don't like sakura, but why is her hate always about sasuke? "she should have moved on", "she abused him", "she doesn't deserve him". Like, why is bad loving someone.. everyone in naruto is allowed to not move on from someone, but she has to. For her character to be better, she needs to stop loving sasuke. The hate that sasuke get is from people who pretend they care/like sakura too. Like, is okay if people don't like the canon couples, that's totally fine. I'm not a fan with a lot of things after 699 either. But, the fact that a lot of people think that you can't be a real fan of a character because he ended up with someone you don't like is ridiculous. SS couldn't have happened and i wouldn't care, sasuke would still be happy with other person and i would be happy for him. That's all I ever wanted for him. Same with sakura. Can they just let it go? More than 10 years and fans have made it all about shipping. that's.... the only thing they care about. There's so much more about sasuke and sakura than them being a couple. I like them both, a lot, they are my favorite characters and I enjoy their dynamic, but seeing how people treats them makes me feel like staying away from this fandom was a good decision... sasuke and sakura relationship is actually wholesome... I don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with making them seem like they are miserable with each other? Is because they think they would have chosen someone better for them? As if sasuke and sakura didn't have other options , they just didn't want to.... idk i feel like people take this shipping stuff too serious. sasuke having a family again is nice :/ even sasuke fans trash him, "bad father", "bad husband", like damn, i thought yall liked him?, is really sad. Also, is like, they hate sakura so much they don't care if they also end up trashing sasuke in the way of it. Just because he is with someone they didn't want to doesn't mean he is unhappy , how miserable are they? The fact that sakura extremists have this same mindset and is because she just... didn't love naruto back? She didn't do what they wanted for her? That Kishimoto didn't make her say: "i'm going to beat sasuke up! i'm not the same anymore!" or some cringe girl boss shit?, as if sakura would ever do something like that to him. Some sakura fans dont even understand her character, they just use her for ships and sadly they don't understand sasuke either. And he is only a prize (this happens with every sasuke ship tbh). But is funny because... sakura also is a prize for a lot of shippers that hate sasuke. SS gets in the way of so many people.... maybe that's why they are so hated. man, sorry for the ranting but since 2014 they are on the same discourse.... like damn, this naruto shit was really serious after all lol ..After seeing all this i still don't think i could ever hate SS anyways... is the antis and their fans that actually suck.

A long rant, but yeah I can certainly see your points.

[herrscherofmagic]

IMO, the current story arc in HI3rd might just be my favorite one so far. i've got a lot of thoughts to share on it, so I present to you this post! But first, a preamble :)

This is a really long post, I think I used the right tags for this? idk

I'm basically just copying over a post that I made for Reddit, so idk if this is way too long for tumblr or what. I've got a habit of writing pointlessly-long things on Reddit and idk if the Tumblr folks appreciate this or not x-x

but without further ado! my thoughts on the whole "city of salt and sand" story we've got going on right now.

P.S., this is mostly spoiler-free; I don't make any specific references to events in the story, except for Susannah's feelings but even that is really vague so it shouldn't reveal any plot twists or anything like that.

I remember how confusing and awkward it was when I first started playing HI3rd.

I didn't have a clue who any of these characters were, some parts of the story seemed weird, or convoluted, or had no explanation. Over time I caught up through reading the manga and catching up with the story; I looked through past events to figure out the story of the Captainverse; and I've been thinking plenty about the story of HI3rd and the other Hoyo games, trying to piece together different ideas and themes.

With all that in mind, I feel like this story arc has been probably one of the strongest pieces of storytelling in all of HI3rd, and maybe even across all the Hoyo games (that I've played, at least).

I'll make the obligatory disclaimer that yes, sometimes the technobabble gets a bit confusing. Thankfully I can understand a fair bit of it because of some exposure I've had to math and science, but I can't pretend to be at Schrodinger's level.

But I think this chapter did a great job at presenting some of these ideas in a way that felt natural to the progression of the story, while also making it understandable. We might get a statement that makes 0 sense, but you can usually figure out what's going on through context clues, as well as the analogies that some characters have been making.

I think the cast chosen for this arc has also been a huge help. This is probably the single most diverse cast we've had, in terms of personality, behavior, and mindset. Whether it's Kira repressing her "dislike" of Misteln, or the banter between Senti and Seele, there's been a lot of fun moments where these characters aren't all thinking on the same wavelength. Instead they need to find ways to understand each other. It really feels like there's an effort being made by these people to understand the situation they're in, and every step forward or misstep backwards feels meaningful. It's that variety in beliefs and personality that really spices things up and makes it feel so much more lively to me!

Building on that, I've also really enjoyed some of the themes being presented here.

Especially Susannah... oh boy do I have a lot to say here!

I think Susannah's development has been phenomenal (though it's absolutely criminal that a lot of it is limited-time events... THREE events now). In fact, while this isn't quite as serious of a situation, I'd go so far as to say that it's vaguely comparable to Kiana's experience in Arc City.

Yes, the severity is different.

But the thing that made me love Honkai was how we saw Kiana grow very slowly. It was an imperfect journey and it took tremendous effort on her part, but she was able to keep moving forward. Sometimes it felt like Kiana made progress (such as her training with Fu Hua), but this progress masked deeper problems that she couldn't run from (her sacrificial nature). This led to that emotional back-and-forth, where Kiana had real victories and real defeats over time. It wasn't just "The power of friendship!" saving the day in one fell swoop, but instead it felt like a much more realistic take on how difficult it can be to recover from trauma.

Susannah doesn't have to deal with the freakin' Herrscher of the Void inside of her, but her own mind puts up a big fight nonetheless. The more I see Susannah move forward and stumble back time and again, the more I feel a stronger connection with her as a character. For crying out loud, just in the last week or two I've lost count of how many times I've felt like I've been making great strides in my art one day while being a complete emotional train-wreck the next day.

Seeing Susannah breaking down but picking herself back up and moving forward nonetheless... That is why I put so much of my energy towards the idea of storytelling. It's why I play games and obsess over stories and analyze characters and dissect settings and come up with theories and headcanons and fanon and more. Being able to see these characters go through these struggles and seeing how that can relate to my own experience in life is something that has genuinely made me a better person over the years, and might have even saved my life in a way. I want nothing more than to be able to tell stories just like this someday, so that perhaps others might be able to learn and grow from my own stories that I conjure up.

While Susannah is the one I personally relate to the most, I've still been able to appreciate the rest of the cast, too. It's enjoyable to see the way they interact with each other, but I also feel invested in every single person here. There's even a particular someone I've especially grown to love here, but there's leaks and spoilers a-plenty out here in the internet right now so I don't really want to push that subject.

For the sake of keeping this spoiler-free I've been avoiding specifics, but honestly there's just too much for me to talk about even if I wanted to dive right into it. From the setting and stage design, to the character interactions, the development of the plot, the conflicts and resolutions we've had so far, it all just feels so satisfying to me.

I guarantee that there are some objective flaws somewhere in this story arc, and I wouldn't be surprised if others were to start pointing out those flaws. But I'm still enjoying the story, so even if I can't say "This is an objectively great story", I can still say "This is a story I love", and that's good enough for me~ ^_^

[eldritch-spouse]

Gonna do a little rant cause i'm listening to this song and. Wow it reminds me so much of Mother Miara, idk if you alr made a voice hc for Miara yet but i like to imagine her voice something like this. (Its the song i was talkin bout)

https://youtu.be/8waJ7W3QcJc

Also its funny cause we met Miara in our dream and the song is Once upon a dream. Anyhow, (btw you dont have to agree ;-; maybe im wrong and you have a different idea in mind which is fine) but i think this kind of voice would fit her since its so soothing, and hypnotic.. and also because it sounds so beautifully sinister and dangerous at the same time. Honestly that's also Mother Miara's whole vibe for me, There's warning signs all around and your mind's just telling you to leave and RUN but you don't. Your walking closer because she feels like home. It feels so wrong and you shouldn't be here but you still stay because why would you leave her? All her gentle hugs and loving whispers and promises is so warming and we should probably run before we're in too deep. But we still stay. We stay as she tugs as close and holds us.

eee i have so much to say about her, because genuinely she's probably one of my favorites so far. Like honestly she could give me a hug and i'd be like fuck it i'm staying with her >:T Sorry for the rant btw this thought just hit me in the head when i listened to the song and i wanted to tell you-

I actually envision her sounding a little bit more like the Khan Maykr from DOOM Eternal.

Miara, regardless of acting in a benevolent manner or not, continues to be a goddess, a siadar, a being who is larger than life in itself. It's only natural that many feel afraid of her at first, meeting her is the same as a parakeet discovering the existence of the common household feline. You're understandably irked, because what are humans to an entity so much more complex and sophisticated? What are we if not grains of sand in a desert?

Mother makes no effort to dull the predatory quality of her eyes, or the sharpness of her teeth, the horns, the claws. Her beauty doesn't adhere to human standards, and why should it? If it's fear that you feel, then fear you have chosen. Her influence will eventually force you into a state of calm.

Let her hold you, why should anything else matter in that moment?

[woaddragoon-nadya]

Predicting the end of 2.55

Just finished up the fight for Ishgard, but I haven't started crystal tower yet so I'll give my thoughts just to see what comes of them. Also just some of my thoughts on stories/characters

Spoilers for 2.0 onwards below!

1. Betrayal of the Braves

I think the leader of the Braves is going to backstab Alphinaud. Obviously he's still alive given the trailers, but I think maybe the leader turns the Braves into an evil organization? I don't see any promo materials after this that include them. Idk he for sure killed that other kid. I just don't see the benefit other than money. Maybe he's a monetarist?

2. Alphinaud is SUPER immature

Alphinaud is pissing me off. Still love him, but he is just so naive. "You guys are the absolute worst for not helping Ishgard!! 😡😡"

The Admiral (being logical) "We have to farm out jobs to WOL because we don't have enough people for our own problems? Also we literally JUST had a war that killed hundreds (if not thousands) of soldiers? That Ishgard didn't help with? WOL also just uncovered a double agent within the Flames even though Ul'dah is already on the edge of collapse? Where are we getting soldiers from??" And Alphinaud, who really shouldn't even be at this meeting, gets mad at her! Buddy this is a stupid hill to die on!!

They always say the Alphinaud is the negotiator but I'd argue like half of the other scions would be better candidates. It always is so weird to me that everyone calls him "Commander Leveilleur." He looks and acts like he's 19 (coming from a 19 year old)! Surely Papalymo, Y'shtola, Thancred, or hell even Urianger would be better? Somebody more mature with fewer anger issues.

3. Losing the Light

Also, maybe its just the RPer in me, but I really wish there was more emphasis on WoL losing the light. Hopefully that'll come after the crystal tower quests? Imagine you're the chosen one. The fabric of the universe decides to make you her sword. And some dead fuckin dragon just takes it away for no reason? The main reason anybody gives a shit about WoL is because they are so powerful and special. So the fact that we can't tell anyone that a part of us got ripped away? Minfilia goes "aw that sucks." And we just don't do anything else? Moonbryda probably would've lived if we still had the light. And we aren't IMMEDIATELY swords/wands blazing killing the thing that did that to us?

Every time my WOL shrugs when asked how she's doing I want to tell at the screen. Like "Babes, you're TRAUMATIZED. Everybody uses you for their personal benefit. You just lost like half your ability to fight the people you are famous for fighting. Say something please!" And she does not.

4. Tarturu future?

My final note: If Tarturu dies I'll riot. Idk I'm terrible with facial expressions so maybe it wasn't meant to be sinister but her send off at the end of her little quest is making me nervous.

5. Final Thoughts

I absolutely adore FFXIV, and I hope this doesn't make anybody think I don't. Most of it is great. I'm super happy to be working with Cid and his crew for the Crystal Tower because they were by far my favorite part of ARR. I've really been enjoying the 8-mans even though I fucked one up earlier by not looking up the mechanics beforehand (what a way to be introduced to tank busters lol). It's just some of the story stuff that can be a little frustrating. I know that shrugging off your trauma is kind of just the way it goes with MMORPGs but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better y'know?

[kakashihasibs]

Hi I am the genq anon, and I’m sorry I offended with my clumsily chosen words. I didn’t mean conversion therapy, I just meant like dbt or cbt, like that is used to treat OCD. I asked because I don’t know about transgender things but I have this disorder and it seemed similar to what you were experiencing. I don’t believe in conversion therapy and would never suggest it to anyone.

This is my last message, I don’t mean to harass you. Just thought maybe if you knew I wasn’t suggesting conversion therapy it might help you feel a little better about the interaction.

Thank you for reaching back out. I really do appreciate it. I know i was kind of short with you bc your question was frankly rude but I'm not inclined to hold grudges. There's no hard feelings on my end. I didn't feel harassed just suspicious of you.

You can ask more questions if you want! You can come off anon as well (tho DM me so there's no chance of me accidentally publishing an ask x_x). i wont doxx you bc that wouldn't be beneficial to either of us.

Just remember when asking these kinds of questions, you're asking someone who has thought about this. It's a little bit like telling someone with chronic pain to try yoga. I have had chronic pain for a long time of course I've tried or thought about yoga. Surgery is a serious thing, of course I've tired and thought about other things.

This got long so I'm putting it under a read more. I just go into the difference between intrusive thoughts and dysphoria. ^_^

I also know you weren't necessarily thinking of conversion therapy bc you did not say conversion therapy. But CBT or DBT being used with the aim of curing/getting rid of bottom dysphoria is going to end up being conversion therapy. It would be an attempt to change the way in which I am trans and at this point i have no interest in doing that.

Therapy can be helpful for learning coping mechanisms to deal with bottom dysphoria (or any dysphoria) until you can find a way to alleviate the root cause! For example I pack.

I actually do have intrusive thoughts as well though. And, the worry about someone clocking me or my bottom dysphoria is very different from intrusive thoughts.

For starters, fear of being clocked is grounded in the very real and reasonable fear of someone harming me for being trans x_x but

Intrusive thoughts, as I'm sure you know, are wholly unwelcomed and distressing. They are founded on our greatest fears or on things that are disgusting to us. My intrusive thoughts about harming someone plague me. Mercifully I'm medicated now and they are few and far between.

My dysphoria isn't so much an unwelcome or distressing thought. The causes of dysphoria and differ from person to person but for me it's a combination of just literally feeling like my body looked wrong and wanting it to look different, and from the expectations put on my body from other people.

Secondary sex traits are gendered. So breast, body hair, voice pitch, and so on are all treated as something that implies a certain gender. A high voice is a woman's voice and a low one is a man's. And while i reject that vehemently there's only so much that rejection can accomplish.

I am a guy full stop. But I'll rarely be acknowledged as a guy if people see traits they gender as woman. So, with this cause CBT would be idk gaslighting myself into thinking this isn't the case. Which would be irrational bc it very much is the case that people gender me based off of my secondary sex traits even if they shouldn't.

As for the wrongness? Well idk my brain just kinda got some sex and gender wires crossed i guess 🤷 there's no amount of therapy that would have "fixed" my chest dysphoria. Just like there's no therapy that can make me not dyslexic. It's just a part of me. I always hating having a chest. Even if i had never learned the word transgender i would have gotten that shit cut off. Didn't want it didn't need it. Therapy telling me otherwise would have been distressing to the point of traumatizing.

And before you're like well what about body dysmorphia, like with people with eating disorders? Regardless of cause this shit can kill you. Dymorphia that causes disorders kills. My dysphoria isn't going to kill me.

Also with dysmorphia, the symptoms dont go away after a surgery. People will still obsess over perceived flaws. After top surgery i was 100% content with my chest. I was elated even. It felt like the best thing i had ever done for myself. 10 out of 10 would recommend 🥰 no regrets.

Hmm i think I'm tapped out for now 🤔 I'm a little tired and have a headache so i hope this makes sense and flows well.

Suffice it to say, if there was a therapy to "cure" bottom dysphoria i wouldn't chose it. I'd still go with bottom surgery bc that's what I want for myself ^_^

[bibookmerm]

Okay yesterday I posted my fears with my parents but not how it went.

Yeah, so. They honestly are just scared. My dad didn't say a word and then left the table as soon as he could make an excuse to, which is pretty typical for him. My mom objected a bit, saying surgery is scary and dangerous and I shouldn't get any "unnecessary" surgeries.

She asked me "Why? Why? I don't understand."

I just said, because I know this is something I want.

Then we all sat in numb silence. She said she needs time to process this. And like. Okay. Sure. I said that's reasonable.

What I'm afraid of is they may not take any time to process this with anyone and keep just shoving their feelings down like they have been for years. I can't hold space for their grief myself in what is a joyful time for me, but I wish they would reach out to a friend, or my aunt, or even a counselor and be honest about how they feel so they could release some of their fear and sadness.

.

Silence is better than yelling. A bit easier. But it isn't acceptance.

My little brother told me he's happy for me which is such a relief. That was what I needed. I needed to know someone who's known me my whole life is happy for me. My other brother wasn't there and said he hopes it goes well + he'll support me no matter what. I am glad they support me. And I'm glad my cousin S was there. She tried to mediate and she wouldn't let my mom use her own mom, auntie L who's had two surgeries for breast cancer, as a scare tactic.

.

"What are we supposed to say?" my mom asked. And, like. Idk. Maybe, "I love you"? "This is hard for me, but I'll always love you." would have felt really good. They did eventually both say they love me and hugged me for a long time. These conversations have honestly never ended in a hug before so that's something, I guess.

I know surgery is a big deal. That's not my issue. My issue is they also got real quiet and uncomfortable and stared at their hands when I mentioned pronouns. When I asked them to please call me my chosen name. I can understand the gravity of a medical procedure, but they acted like this when I asked them to change one little word. I have been out as trans to them for 5 years. And my mom still "doesn't understand" that I am trans. I wish they would have googled trans 101 or attended one PFLAG meeting in all that time. It's not too late for them to do that.

I just felt tired and wanted to sleep after that. I sincerely hope they realize one day that I'm not going to take it all back and they need to try to meet me halfway as I am now. That's all I want.

[jefferythejelly]

hi moss it's tinynap for the wip ask game there's multiple i wanna know about feel free to answer one of them or multiple !

karl gets abducted by aliens yay

punznap pog

karlnap chapstick

@tinynap hi jo you have chosen well 2 of these are karlnap. but fair warning one of them is probably the weirdest one kink-wise out of all of them (its the alien one)

karl gets abducted by aliens yay: fair warning this one is kind of weird and insane and only exists because i wanted to write oviposition with karl so i was like fuck it. aliens. but then i also kind of made it more insane and gave him a pussy for no reason. we'll get there. (also uhhh tws for nonconsensual body modification and sex. because aliens)

i am so bad at summarizing things this is like the third time trying to write this out bc i kept including too much detail retelling it so i'm just gonna try and go quick. karl gets abducted by aliens and afterwards discovers that his balls are gone and been replaced by a vagina. he fingers himself to make sure it's like. real and functional. and then calls sapnap because he wants to talk to someone about it who won't judge him for being crazy. they end up masturbating on call together (they have a sort of flirting situationship that both of them vaguely acknowledge but neither have really acted on). a few days pass and he gets abducted again and an alien with a tentacle dick puts a bunch of eggs in him. he calls sapnap again and they hatch a scheme where sapnap goes to nc and they pretend karl is sick and sapnap is taking care of him, in the hopes that no one will come check on them and see karl's alien pregnancy belly. that's about as far as i've actually written but i am planning on writing karl getting abducted at least one more time to y'know like. lay the eggs/give birth. and then it somehow ends in endgame karlnap👍 sorry for having weird kinks do you still love me (joke. i do not care) also fun fact i started writing this before sapnap said he wanted to fuck an alien so now i'm thinking i have to go back and write him as being more jealous of karl getting abducted lmao

punznap pog: this one's omegaverse yippee. (pre-gnf in florida) sapnap and dream have developed a sort of friends with benefits thing because dream helps sapnap with his heats, but then uh oh, dream goes on a trip to visit family and sapnap goes into heat while he's gone. because he's so used to having an alpha during his heats he's having a hard time dealing with it, so as a last resort desperate attempt kinda thing he texts punz like "hey sorry if this is weird but if i don't get dicked down soon i feel like i'm gonna explode" and to sapnap's surprise he actually agrees to come help him out! idk they fuck a bunch and punz calls him baby a lot it's cute

karlnap chapstick: ok looking back i maybe shouldn't have included this one because i forgot how short it is and i might just rewrite the parts i already have if i ever came back to it but i still think the concept is cute so. sapnap has already thought about kissing karl, but becomes a bit obsessed with it, and tasting karl's chapstick, after he sees him applying it before a stream one day. the one little tidbit of a scene i have written involves sapnap stealing karl's chapstick while he's out of the room so he can taste it on his lips, and that's kinda as far as i got. they do kiss eventually tho (like i said i maybe would've not put this one on the list now that i'm actually looking at it like it's a bit nothingburger. like i'm pretty sure i have bullet points in my big idea document that are longer than this adfjasf whatever still kinda cute i guess)

[smile-files]

okay so i've been thinking about ralsei lately and i have a new theory on what he is and what his role is and his relationship with kris! for all i know somebody has already said this but idk i just wanted to put this out there. thank you if you read through this whole spiel, as it's rather long...!

so what i'm proposing that ralsei is kind of like... a coping mechanism for kris? in that that he's designed to be there for kris and comfort them and make them happy - he's all of the soft, warm, cozy things that can make a bad day better. what's debatable is whether kris wants ralsei as that kind of coping mechanism... maybe they don't want to be told everything will be sunshine and rainbows...

ralsei is very much a people-pleaser; he's unoffensive and soft and trusting. he's always there for you if you want a cake, or a hug, or whatever; he seems to have endless motivation to help and to heal (why, he has healing powers!), especially in terms of kris. in fact, ralsei seems to have a special connection to kris, always wanting to be around them and make them happy. he clearly wants to be there for kris and to comfort them, even if that means ignoring some of the actual terrible stuff happening around them.

this whole notion is bolstered by ralsei's dialogue after the spamton fight in chapter 2, in which he says to kris that it was nothing, and that they shouldn't worry, and that they instead should think of something they like - something warm and soft etc. he's clearly insinuating that he is the thing kris should think of to get their mind off of the spamton fight - which confirms that a) his role is to be a coping mechanism for kris and that b) he wants kris to utilize him as that coping mechanism. he's kind of subtly forcing himself into that position by saying this, by saying that he's something kris likes.

now i should take a step back and talk about kris in relation to ralsei. kris is dealing with the existential horrors of being controlled by some higher being, the soul; to cope with that, they often rip out the soul in their chest and brandish a knife, which they thrust into the ground to make another doorway into the dark world. this is what kris has been using as their coping mechanism. it's violent and seemingly harmful, but it's also incredibly cathartic.

ralsei is the opposite kind of coping mechanism - he doesn't let you hate people or things, he doesn't let you think about the bad stuff that's happened to you (even if it's really horrible messed up bad stuff that needs addressing), and he certainly doesn't let you have anger, nevermind release it. he's the opposite of catharsis; he's pacification.

he wants kris to accept him; he's been waiting in a corner of their mind, ready with cakes and hugs and nostalgic photographs to soothe kris's aching heart. he wants kris to be happy; to him that means kris has to be his friend, kris has to hug him, love him, eat his cakes, be his chosen one and close the fountains caused by their desire for catharsis.

after all, the soul is what's glowing when kris is about to close a fountain; kris only closed it because of us, and we only made them close it because of ralsei. and ralsei told us that hating people and feeling angry is wrong. the fountains represent everything ralsei is against, and so he has us close them.

kris probably doesn't like ralsei as much as we think; i don't think kris hates him, but their reaction to the ralsei tea (as well as their inherent conflicts of interest mentioned above) shows that they certainly have some gripes with the guy.

i think between chapters 1 and 2 things start getting really messy, if they weren't messy already - in chapter 1, as the soul, we couldn't actually make kris kill anyone. in this sense we were narratively doing exactly what ralsei wanted - which in this case is good, as, y'know, that meant we were abstaining from literal murder. in chapter 2, however, we can most certainly kill people, via noelle - notably when ralsei is absent. as the soul we can do whatever we want; ralsei has just been trying to guide us into guiding kris into making the right decision (which ultimately involves closing the fountains - and of course, no matter our opinion in this coping mechanism discourse, we'd want to close the fountains, as then we can progress and play more of the game; we are the player, after all). how much we do follow or diverge from ralsei's advice and how much we should will certainly fluctuate as the chapters progress.

and no, ralsei certainly isn't malicious, and definitely has had a positive impact in many ways; for one thing, he wants the best for kris, and for another, he has actively prevented kris (read: the player) and susie from killing innocent darkners. he's right in thinking that murder is wrong and that you should try to see the best in people; he just overdoes the whole "sunshine and rainbows" spiel because he's naïve. kris and susie are literally the first people he's ever interacted with. ralsei is just naïve. knowing about the player - and by extension knowing any piece of information he really shouldn't - doesn't mean he knows everything or is knowingly witholding information from us/kris. and that certainly doesn't mean he's socially/emotionaly mature.

i don't know if this theory makes complete sense (there are likely certain details i've forgotten or misremembered), but at least to me it explains a lot - for one thing, why ralsei looks so much like asriel, something that has bugged us all since day one: it's because he thinks that's something kris would find comfort in.

okey dokey, so there you go! i hope you like my theory, and thank you for reading! have a lovely day :)

tl;dr - ralsei is a slightly unhealthy coping mechanism <3

[stormblessed95]

What r the jikook moments you think for which there is NO explanation that can fit into Friends category. Like those moments which makes u think Man only couples do this.

Ooo fun question, this will be a long one! Honestly, mostly their grand gestures and some smaller moments. Now I'll put a disclaimer here... These will be moments that I don't think fit into a friends category, no matter how much of a "bestie" you are. It does not confirm anything about Jikook being a couple. People can do whatever the F they want and not necessarily have to label it. You can do these things and NOT be a couple, but it really makes it known that you are probably more than friends at the very least, whatever that may be. In no particular order, here are my "this is not friendship behavior" moments:

1. Rosebowl

ARE WE SURPRISED THAT THIS IS ON MY LIST?? We shouldn't be. I've already done a post on the difference between this and the Tannies love bites/kisses (you can go read it if you want) and if this isn't romantic in nature, idk what it is... cannibalism maybe? This is a very hard to deny moment.

2. Jimin traveling to Korea for JKs birthday

Look. I don't care how much you like someone, unless you are IN love with them and you KNOW how much being there on their birthday would mean to them, you don't practically kill yourself making sure that you are there. If you have ever flown long hours, you know it's killer on your body. Jimin not only made sure that he got on a plane for over 10 hours to be there for JKs birthday, cutting his own free time and chance to rest short during his vacation in Paris, but he did it knowing he would only have a few hours to spend in Korea anyway because of his own schedules. He was there for just enough time to get a cake, surprise Kookie, celebrate with him for a bit and then he had to get back to the airport. He had to get back on a plane for another 10+ hour long journey to make it to Hawaii on time for when he needed to be there. That is brutal. And that is not something you do for someone who you consider a best friend. That is a deeper love type of move. I know that most parents wouldn't even do that for their children, but instead make it up to them later. This is compounded by the fact that I'm pretty sure only Hobi also stopped by for JKs birthday because he was home in Korea. Everyone else was abroad or elsewhere with their own personal travel plans and did not do the same thing JM did here. And of course not, because what Jimin did is MADNESS, it is peak romance book type stuff.

3. GCF in Tokyo and all its following films

Honestly, you shouldn't be surprised to see this here either. Can I also say the amount of cringey y/n comments I see under GCFT saying it feels like they are on a date with Jimin.... hmm I WONDER WHY. Maybe, possibly because the camera man (JK) was on a date with Jimin?Jungkook's GCFs read like love letters to Jimin. All of them make sure to highlight him somehow. I won't talk forever here because everyone knows all this already. But seriously, peak romance stuff here too.

4. Their Red Moon boat date in Malta

Everyone spent a fun day on the boat. Everyone got off the boat and went home. Everyone except Jikook... who took the boat back out alone, waved goodbye to everyone else on the beach and proceed to play soft romantic music, sit at the front with legs intwined and look at the Red Moon and all the pretty City Lights. I mean... Do I REALLY have to say it??? This was a DATE. Not a friend date, this is not friend date sitting positions or music or vibes. This goes hand in hand with all the other times they've chosen to go out together during their time off. Ice skating date, going to see Avengers together, going Bowling together, out to eat together, their solo outings together in Malta to sightsee, going out in London sightseeing just them to meet up with Jimins friends... again... do I really have to say it??

5. MMA 2018

This should again come to no surprise to anyone.... Jungkookie... the stars in your eyes are showing. You don't look at your bestie like he hung the moon and all the stars in your sky. Like you would give anything and do anything to keep them happy, like they are your entire freaking world. I swear they were so caught up in their own little love bubble that they forgot the rest of the world existed right there in the middle of the award show. Not to mention JK singing along to a love song and mouthing the words to Jimin during that same night.

6. Jungkook telling Jimin that he loves him in the middle of a press conference photo op during Boy With Luv era

Look, I don't know what you want me to say here. This is "I am telling you AND I am telling the world, that I love you" type of moment. All the guys were told to make the "I love you" sign to the cameras for photos for the BWL comeback. Jungkook did so and then stepped slightly out of line, turned towards Jimin and basically threw his ILY sign at him and held the exaggerated pose until Jimin noticed him, (looked baffled for a minute) and smiled at him. JK looked so smugly proud of himself there too. And look at NamJin in that photo as well. This was not a moment anyone anticipated but it was a nice statement from JK. This also is not "friendly" behavior.

7. Serenading each other

You do not serenade your best friend with a love song, with so much intent, hand around their waist, pulling them in closer, invading personal space.... they meant that shit. Sure, You can joke around and do it with your friends. But you dont look THAT when you are joking about it. They weren't joking, bro. They were flirting for real for real. Right in front of us all, and Jimin was loving every second of it.

8. The blatant check outs that they do

I don't care what you say, you do NOT drop your eyes down to your friends lips and STARE like you are ready to lick the Pizza Grease off them yourself. You will NOT convince me this is friendly. Not to mention JK sweeping his eyes along his body and ass during this same photoshoot. Or many many many other instances. Like when Jungkook walked past Jimin backstage and in the background you just see Jimin appreciatively sweep his eyes up and down JK before pulling his eyes away. How many times have we caught them staring at asses/abs/backs/lips??? So freaking many. The way Jimin would slowly check out with bedroom eyes his "manager" off cam on live. The way JK whips his head around so fast to stare when JM would show off his abs during No More Dream, or during ISAC when he thought JM lifted his shirt. Why so interested? This is NOT friendly behavior. I could honestly keep going. Why do they keep doing this?! Eyes on the face boys!

9. Footsies

There is literally zero way to twist this. Part of me is shocked ARMY freaking saw this at all. Part of me is also not surprised at all that they saw this and pointed it out for everyone else to see. You cannot make this a friendly/brotherly interaction. Jimin is playing footsie with JKs thigh along the seem of his shorts, and then he moves it to his crotch after JK sits forward more. And in the second clip, they are playing more wholesome footsies, but JK still has a very visible reaction. This is not even close to friendly. Even a tiny little bit. You can see the full videos in Bon Voyage Season 1 and Season 2. I encourage you to check them out if you never watched them. Not just for jikook, but simply for the amazing content that BV is in general.

10. The cultural couple traditions.

Its the matching clothes when its their own choice, not their stylists. Its the seeing the first snow together. The videos or posts on valentines day together. Being together (alone) on Chusok, which is normally something you spend with family only. And if you can't get to your family, you spend it with someone who has deep meaning to you. These are BIG things that are couple things in Korea. Couple traditions, not best friend traditions.

There are more. I could keep going. But I'll stop here at 10. Its a good even number and this post is already so long. There are many consistent and little moments that make me believe they are a couple too, but these are the big moments where I am like, this is NOT friend behavior. And these are not moments you see freely within the rest of the group either, these are mostly exclusive to Jikook only. Does this confirm they are romantically involved? No. Is it enough to convince me they are without them needing to say the words outloud? Yes, absolutely. Thanks for the ask! I enjoyed this one.

[violets-arepurple]

It's atsushi and chuuya characterisation headcanon list that I promised in a fit of sleep deprivation time

Chuuya isn't dazais femboy ex, that's dumb

Whilst I do headcanon that him and dazai had something in the past I would hardly say it was anything to label and it was definitely more complicated than young love/first relationship

Chuuyas real upset was in part dazai leaving him but also that he manipulated him into joining the port mafia, put him in a situation were he couldn't leave, and then left. If chuuya did that he would have been killed, possibly by dazai himself

They were at a point were if dazai was honest about his feelings for once in his life he probably would have gone with him

Chuuya whilst he probably drinks more than he should it definitely isn't as much as some say

He does have his moments though, it isn't brought up as much as it is for other characters but he's been through quite a lot

And whilst i do enjoy dazais character, a lot of chuuyas issues will stem from his actions

What im saying is whilst the angsty lost love angle is fun (not sarcastically I've read some good fics about it) theres a lot more nuance people can look at

Chuuya is bound to have mixed feelings but those feeling don't always have to be immediately romantic

Atsushi time, he's not an uwu soft boy. He's been through some shit and has the nervous tendencies to go but he shouldn't be mistaken for incapable

He looked akutagawa in the eyes and told him this is why dazai left you, thats the ballsiest shit I've ever seen

I'll admit I have less issues with atsushi portrayal by the fandom but there's still bits

And his relationship with akutagawa, don't get me wrong im partial to a bit on shin soukoku but there's more that can be done with it

Wheres the begrudging respect, the parallels of the headmaster and dazai

Or just them being bros they're young adults let them do dumb shit together

Hell maybe akutagawas decided that atsushi must be worthy because he was chosen and is treated well so he must be above him, we need the coming to terms with and sorting of akutagawas self worth being based solely on dazais approval

Once again love dazai but he's a twat, and we need to acknowledge it

Idk I've just had exam so im tired and a bit out of it

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[mittensmorgul]

Hey, so I'm a staunch "the finale was clearly a djinn dream and didn't happen" supporter. But I'm just curious about something that happened in that djinn dream. And that is, when Bobby says "well Cas helped," are we actually supposed to assume that Cas was resurrected? Or were we supposed to assume that, since Jack was only able to become god and fix heaven thru Cas' help, Bobby was just acknowledging the role that Cas played? And Cas is still in the Empty? I know I shouldn't care about the writer's intentions -- and I typically don't. But in this particular instance, I'm just curious. Because I want to know if, after that trainwreck of a finale, if the writers were trying to a) give us one last "fuck you" by not actually bringing Cas back, or were they b) actually trying to give us something in telling us "yes, Cas was resurrected even tho we couldn't/wouldn't show it." Idk if this ask makes sense. I guess I'm just trying to determine how much we were fucked over lol. And I've just been thinking about Cas recently and was wondering about this. Anyway, hope you have a good day 🙃😁

Hello anon friendo! I’ll start by offering the socially distanced high five your stance on the finale merits. :’D

I’m gonna start off by saying that I am also irked that they failed to make even this vague, offscreen potential redemption for Cas clearly and textually canon. LIke, if the intent was for us to understand that Cas was saved from the Empty, they kinda... failed on every level to deliver that. I mean, I personally have chosen to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they intended for it to be proof that Cas was no longer in the Empty, but that’s only because I am so personally horrified by the fact that the way they did address it in canon makes it equally plausible that Cas remained in the Empty forever, and that’s... that’s just too awful to contemplate at all.

Except... I know with my brain that if that was actually their intent, to make it clear to us that Cas was saved from the Empty, it literally would’ve taken one more line to confirm that, and they decided not to do that.

“Cas helped.”

versus

“Cas helped. He’s around here somewhere.”

or

“Cas helped. He’s helping with a lot of stuff up here now.”

or

“Cas helped. He’ll probably drop by to see you soon enough.”

but like... any of that implies that Dean will see Cas again, and I guess they couldn’t even allow the implication that Dean might reciprocate his feelings, even post-canon in Heaven when they’re all dead and there’s no actual consequences.

So like... I both give them the benefit of the doubt, AND simultaneously hold the whole thing in contempt. It was the most infuriating and unsatisfying ending in the history of endings, except for maybe Sam’s wig. Like... if anything confirms that Cas couldn’t even be acknowledged from having been saved from what is canonically the worst possible fate, the eternal torment of suicidal depression incarnate, lest Destiel be undeniably confirmed canon, then like... there you go.

But you’re right. This whole finale was Chuck’s djinn dream. Like maybe as a human he was so desperate for power that he went and sought out a djinn and deliberately sacrificed himself to it in exchange for having this one final pathetic dream of an episode. Because that’s what the entire finale felt like. Chuck’s terrible and disjointed worst case scenario win. Depressing all around.

For my own personal mental health, in order to engage with the episode at all (even just to yell about how bad it was), I have to assume that Cas was saved, because the alternative is just too sickening to contemplate. And makes every other character (and especially Jack) into a villain. If Jack had the power to save Cas, then I don’t think for a second he would’ve been able to let him languish in the Empty forever, since the only reason he was there in the first place was sacrificing himself to save Jack... fair is fair, and I don’t think Jack as a character could’ve left him there. Cas had always been the one who believed in him, sacrificed himself multiple times for Jack. And Jack unwittingly saved Cas once from the Empty. It’s unimaginable to me that he wouldn’t have done it again, on purpose this time.

I also find it equally implausible that if Jack did save Cas from the Empty that Cas wouldn’t have returned to Earth, either. So there’s another plot hole for us to consider. There’s just... when you look at the finale as a whole, none of it actually makes sense. So honestly, for anyone with two brain cells to rub together, the best approach is to not think about it too hard and dismiss it via whatever alternative headcanon suits your personal preferences instead. I guarantee whatever fic version of the finale you can come up with will be better than what actually aired. >.>

[robin-in-a-hoodie]

Hi your dumbass apperantly didn't close the asks I can't find where you do it

Anyway dude if you think i know how the fuck you block an ip i don't think you understand not everyone understands computer shit I'm just here to see some memes man you could just understand that I'm not into getting asks and move on

Like yeah when I'm bombarded with multiple asks that i have to interact with (deleting is interacting, i still have to read them to see if they're bullshit or not) I'm going to get to the "ripping my soul out", i have enough criticism of my own about tbs, the ripping my soul out was about the harassment that people feel is alright to throw at me for no reason because i ??? What, rebloged something without adding to it that i don't like some takes i saw in the tag, geez

Getting those half a snippet of a point that i need to go into fucking media analyst mode to answer in a language i find difficult to speak on a subject i stated many times i don't feel comfortable speaking on is annoying and I'm dramatic, fuck off, i don't know how ro express myself in words when it comes to media analysis and i don't have to, i vent about the shit that bothers me in private where i feel comfortable doing so

Also maybe just don't dm people who said they don't want you to dm them idk my man weather i block your ip or not you should still respect the fact I'd like to not be dragged into this

Every single time i get these asks i get anxious about being the one getting them, because yeah, if you throw shit unfounded claims about media i love i don't want that to go uncorrected, but i get anxious trying to explain myself in a way that doesn't make me sound stupid, because English is difficult, and because i haven't heard the show in a while, and because i don't know how to write a fifteen page assey about why Oliver is nicer than Damian on command, so it leads me to being unable to go either way because if i don't respond then I'm letting people down and letting you "win" and if i do respond then i make a fool of myself because translating my thoughts into actual text is difficult and i hate doing it publicly, that's why i only reblog shit and rarely make original posts, i hate putting myself on the stage in this way even if i do have shit that i want to say. I feel like i did not need to explain any of this. I feel like i shouldn't have woken up to multiple asks challenging me and daring me to reply to them and engage in a conversation i never wanted to engage in. I just want to get on this website, enjoy a few shit posts, maybe boost a friend's post and vibe. I feel put on the spot when I'm personally chosen for these asks, and it's not the first or second time this bs happened, and that feeling that out of everyone i was chosen for this makes my anxiety fucking spiral. It makes me want to never open my mouth again and never speak again so no one can ever notice me again. I try so hard to force myself to be out there because i want friends and mutuals and this is genuinely harassment because i said. Multiple times in the past. That this is not something i want to engage in. That i don't know how to turn these things off. I legit just use my phone for like. Memes and YouTube. I genuinely don't know how to do this stuff and i don't want to learn how to do these fucking complicated things because I've already tried and these asks keep coming still even though i tried blocking it the way i found and it just doesn't work or if it does work then there's multiple people doing this shit when i!!! Clearly!!! Asked!!!! You!!!!! Not!!!! To!!!!!!!

Just. If someone tells you "hi, what you're doing is upsetting, please stop"

Then you can stop

Like idk that sounds like. Something you can do. Ugh. I feel stupid. And tbh i am but like. I hate when it comes to my attention. It's midnight and i just feel like the dumbest person on planet earth and i hate it. I don't understand why out of all the people in the world you chose to talk to me. I didn't want you to. It's distressing that you did and i told you it's distressing and you keep doing it and i don't understand why. You are hurting me. Fuck you. I don't care about this stupid show anymore. Go hate Oliver and think tama is prison apologizism go do that away from me i don't care what do you want from me. What. You want me to agree? Fine i agree now leave me alone for the millionth time you absolute jerk