#idk if i’m being really insecure or this might be another case of my being oblivious to having more than just friendly feelings towards her

[goldennika]

met up with an internet friend for the first time last week and i couldn’t help but feel that maybe i was “too much” in some aspect and might have turned her off from wanting to keep in touch with me after our first live encounter

i was replaying our meeting in my head and started thinking “maybe i was too loud” “was i speaking too much?” “was i being self-centered and talked about my own experiences too much?” “did i monopolize the conversation?”

but i tried to remind myself that she said this won’t be the last time we’ll meet, asked to take photos of us together, and posted it online that same night saying she was really happy we finally got to meet (you can’t always trust social media since people mostly treat it as a highlight reel but i’ll take it as a win all the same)

we’ve also since continued to send each other memes and txt/kpop updates since we met up last weekend so i guess it’s still all good?

and she also shared some photos of her growing txt pin collection (i gifted her an a:sm pin) without me prompting her so i guess that’s also still really good?

[anderscim]

bagel’s drdt death predictions but they’re all based on character relationships and assumptions (lots of assumptions)

//spoilers for drdt ch1 + ch2 pt. 1

//long, long wall of text warning (nearly 4k words am i right 😭)

i mean, the title explains it all.

there’s really nothing else other than my unhinged predictions which will likely be wildly incorrect compared to the actual outcome in DRDT

so, as always, take this with a grain of salt

alright, let’s get straight into it.

arturo and j:

obviously these two have a… very interesting dynamic. they’re constantly at odds with each other, and this worsened especially after arturo found out about j’s family through her secret.

arturo is following j around and she hates it. arturo constantly crosses j’s boundaries, idolizes her, places her in his own “perfect image” that she doesn’t want to be a part of, and she (justifiably) hates it.

meanwhile, arturo sees j as one of the “beautiful people” that he idolizes and tries to get close to in order to improve his self value, possibly in an attempt to resolve his own insecurities. (okay i don’t think i’m gonna talk about this later so i’m gonna say it now. but based on the fact that arturo seems very attached to “societally valuable” things and people (major brands, celebrities, etc.) and the fact that he instantly pushes away things he sees as “ugly,” arturo may actually be trying to preserve a certain image of himself and/or his ego by surrounding himself with valuable things—which could be due to holding some sort of insecurity that he can’t be as “valuable” as others without those factors surrounding him constantly. maybe because he sees himself as “ugly.” just a thought. not justifying his actions though. idk)

but though i love j with all my heart… i’m very, very scared that she’s going to be the culprit for this chapter.

except for the possible motive, there’s actually a suspicious amount of logical conclusions and reasonings one can make that point to j being the culprit.

this isn’t my post, but i’m going to put this here because u/Difficult-Parfait627 on reddit explained the logic significantly better than i could have:

i also saw some theories on j’s secret weapon (the remote) possibly opening trapdoors that only she could access, so that’s definitely another possible advantage.

aside from that, i find it intriguing that MonoTV makes specific mention of this detail regarding the playground:

it would be very, very interesting if this proved to be foreshadowing of some sort regarding arei’s murder. whether it would just be the height of the room that plays into a factor of the case, or the fact that the movie screening room and the playground are only separable by a single wall, or both—that, i don’t know. but seeing multiple prevailing theories it could be possible that this is more important than we think.

not only this, but during the trial j constantly pointed fingers at many people and jumped from suspect to suspect—which is exactly what min did as well, and might be an indication that j is desperate to pin the crime on someone else.

though i’m probably wrong

revision: the following is… likely incorrect (_ _;) i’ll keep what i originally said here for the sake of it, but just know that arturo is more likely to double down and shun himself even further from any guilt if this theory proves to be true. here’s a reblog chain ft. @/aquariiium that explains it really well!

but if j is the culprit for this case, it could actually lead to character development for arturo. after all, if j gets caught, he would probably blame himself—if he didn’t get so worked up over eden and the reveal of his secret, if he didn’t let j overhear the conversation—she might’ve not committed a murder. i think he might feel intense guilt that he let j die—especially since he’s so (unhealthily) attached to her.

don’t know man. just trying to give him redeeming qualities here lmao

essentially, i think j might die this chapter as the culprit for arei’s murder, and arturo will survive for at least the next few chapters. whether he’ll be a victim/killer in the last few chapters i’m unsure about at this current moment, but bear with me

side note: it would be absolutely cruel if whoever the killer is, they get a quiet execution in a way that reflects arei’s body discovery ;-; also tbh i’m probably wildly wrong about all of this. for you guys who say the true culprit is someone else (especially people who think it’s levi, eden, or whit), i see you and i do see why that’s definitely a possibility. take all of my theorizing with a grain of salt lmao

whit and charles:

(sorry i couldn’t find a proper CG for them haha)

ah, one of my favorite dynamics. i love these two so much

it’s cool to see how they’re actually quite open with each other now, compared to the beginning where they were established as near-total opposites of each other (mainly looks at the free time event)

but as it goes with many ships in danganronpa…they’ll probably end in tragedy. unfortunately

i believe i made a really brief analysis earlier on how whit deals with grief by completely deflecting his true sentiments through the use of humor, and i think as of now this still holds true. whit’s bottling up his grief, and sooner or later he’ll have to come to terms with it.

whit has developed an understanding for charles, though, and seems to be genuinely considerate towards him. plus, he’s willing to admit to any mistakes he makes and is very open about it to charles, which indicates how close they actually are

charles struggles with not only his hemophobia + necrophobia (fear of blood and fear of corpses/things associated with death), but with the pity from others that result from it.

he really, really hates being pitied. we actually saw this earlier in the FTE between charles and whit as well—he seemed very worked up with how whit was “belittling” charles to make teruko laugh. obviously whit figured this out, admitted what he did, and eventually became more considerate of charles’ feelings. charles notices this and decides to open up to him.

👆 this line is so cute btw

i think though, especially because they’re so close to each other it’ll really impact their characters when tragedy strikes. personally i’m more scared that charles is going to die (as a victim) because plot-wise it would force whit to come to terms with his grief—the grief over not just his mother but the participants of the killing game—that he has pushed into the back of his mind for a long time.

but at the same time charles surviving is also definitely a possibility given his importance in the plot right now—and not only that, if whit dies, i think he would have a clear moment of feeling ashamed of himself for not even being able to look at his partner’s body and being unable to come to terms with whit’s death until later.

either way, one of them is definitely doomed to die, and the other is probably going to be a survivor.

for me, regardless of who bites the dust, they’re going to be a chapter 3 death. i personally believe this because it would give both of them time to cope and face their grief in their respective character arcs over the next few chapters—but also because i think chapter 4 is going to be surrounding a separate character dynamic.

nico, ace, and hu:

yes, it’s the “two people who absolutely hate each other and the one person that stands in between” trio.

as already established within the series, nico and ace hate each other. i don’t even need to put screenshots as proof—plus nico literally attempted to murder ace.

and by the way, for those of you who said other people manipulated nico into doing it, i think that would be very contradictory with what the series is trying to get at. nico is their own independent person—and they’ve tried to solidify that fact. this specific murder attempt was to probably establish that nico has their own limits, despite how much they are infantilized by others. if it’s true that someone manipulated nico, i feel like it would… just take away from nico’s individuality and turn them into someone to be pitied upon.

not only that, even nico established themselves that they have a tendency to be agressive.

there’s not much to analyze here, but it definitely is a strong indication that nico does have their own limits and will not act all innocent-like if those boundraries are crossed. it’s interesting though, because this kinda makes nico a foil to ace. while ace is “all bark and no bite,” and/or accusing and insulting everyone 24/7 but never acting upon it, nico is the opposite: not the type for words but will genuinely act if they are pushed hard enough.

i genuinely think nico attempted to murder ace on their own accord. plus, it would fit perfectly with one of the themes from this chapter

anyways—though i’m not going to condone her for infantilizing nico—there’s one person who’s kinda been keeping both of them in check. (or moreso, keeping ace in check) quite literally, hu defending nico, despite the fact that her way of doing so was really flawed, temporarily stopped their conflicts with ace from escalating in a short amount of time. at least until ace almost got murdered though.

the thing is, hu sees things in black and white. she trusts a little too much into nico and she thinks they desperately need to be protected. meanwhile, she essentially antagonizes ace, and didn’t seem to attempt to sympathize with the fact he almost got murdered. she didn’t make many attempts (especially during the second chapter) to genuinely understand their “grey areas,” instead jumping to what she knows. and… it’s understandable why she does this, but regardless, it’s one of her greatest flaws. however, that flaw is exactly what humanizes hu. she cares immensely about others, even if that means trusting them too much. she puts it on herself to help anyone she can. she wants others to rely on her, even if that means she inadvertently forces the role of “the damsel in distress” onto them as a result. though it doesn’t exactly justify her actions, i felt it was still important to bring up. (by the way i actually like hu, plus i love the concept of a really flawed but sincere mother figure. i don’t hate hu at all lmao i think she’s a really good character)

especially as of ch2 ep11, hu seems to show possible signs of change after getting called out by david. his so-called “betrayal” (by throwing hu’s personal impression and expectations of himself out the window) might begin a development arc allowing hu to see past her… i guess… her biases.

but, i’m scared that hu’s character arc would end (whether abruptly or gradually) in the middle of the series, rather than continuing to the very last episode of DRDT—and that she’ll get killed/executed before she can truly develop and leave the killing game with a new perspective.

additionally, as far as i can tell i don’t expect nico and ace to ever make up during the killing game—because in traditional danganronpa, that never seems to be an actual occurrence. not only that, but the whole tension surrounding their situation has already gone too far—neither of them will probably ever forgive each other after how far this conflict went (especially ace, who almost got killed by nico). i personally think hu, though the way she went about this was not exactly the best, acted as a “mediator” of sorts between ace and nico by throwing herself in and breaking up each conflict. if hu dies, their relationship will completely fall apart and their arguments will likely escalate past the point of no return—which seems to be a perfect setup for a murder case. personally i’d put hu as a chapter three death (regardless of victim or culprit), nico and ace’s dynamic escalating to a breaking point during chapter four, and either nico or ace dying in chapter four (with the other one surviving the killing game). my personal opinion as for who dies is nico, but mainly because i think ace might actually be a survivor.

ace and levi:

oh no i wasn’t done talking about ace yet, did you seriously think i would stop talking about him after all of that? plus i. didn’t give ace a proper character analysis in that previous section

ace and levi’s relationship is very unique as well. at first, ace and levi felt at least relatively comfortable around each other—which was really rare for someone like ace, who’s essentially scared of everything and holds many insecurities that prevent him from easily trusting people/processes/objects.

over time during chapter 1, ace and levi get closer to each other. ace develops a feeling of safety when around levi, since to him, he seems like one of the only few people who don’t just see him as a coward.

and that was true for a while, at least, until this happened.

this blog post by @thefandomenchantress explains the effects of levi’s dialogue here better than i ever could. go read this. please but essentially—the death threat is really important because it essentially shattered ace’s sense of security around levi, but the fact that levi out of all people called ace a coward really seals the deal for him. this is my interpretation, but ace probably felt that levi was more non-judgmental than the others and was also one of the few people that saw past his insecurities. so levi specifically targeting one of his largest weaknesses, probably hurts a lot.

not only that, but ace genuinely seems to believe that this is what levi actually thinks about him. though he focuses on the death threat here, i think it still holds true that he’s really paranoid of levi and thinks he actually hates ace, despite their dynamic in the first chapter.

on the other hand, levi regrets threatening and insulting ace in the first trial, and makes attempts to apologize and make up with him. he even asks teruko for advice here.

since ace is really insecure, it’s really difficult to make him actually forgive levi. ace’s paranoia makes him believe that others are out to “get him” and cause him harm, especially when it comes to people who bluntly pointed out his insecurities in the past. and as a person who genuinely hates those parts of himself and wants to get rid of his paranoia, it makes ace act really aggressive when people begin pointing out those issues again. after all, they’re reminders of what he thinks he is.

👆this quote is actually from an earlier point, and is ace talking about why he still races despite being scared of horses. but it’s representative of how he hates his own reputation and his insecurities that are connected with it—which he desperately doesn’t want people to see. that’s why ace is so aggressive. it’s because he feels he needs to bluff and act all “strong” to prevent people from targeting his insecurities.

the reason why i actually believe ace would be a survivor is because of some personal unhinged interpretations i have for chapter four. like i mentioned earlier, i personally believe that the current conflict between nico and ace will reach its climax during chapter four, which will likely also be a major part of the murder case during that chapter. and uh. if we go by traditional danganronpa patterns we know which character is probably doomed during that chapter (that is, assuming DRDT still follows a similar equation). though i admit the stereotype of “buff character dies during fourth chapter” is a bit overused—the thing is, if the conflict between nico and ace does actually reach its climax during that chapter, it actually makes sense relationship-wise for levi to play a major part of it. getting into major “this is probably wrong” territory here despite the fact that ace is currently distrusting towards levi right now, i think there’s still some part of him that harbors more personal feelings towards levi (whether that’s positive or negative)—i don’t think ace would be attacking levi so much otherwise. he probably feels like he was betrayed by levi, likely due to their changes in character dynamic during the first chapter. i also find it interesting how ace has always harbored a feeling of resentment towards nico—and i personally feel that this is because nico also reminds ace of one of his insecurities. they represent something that ace hates about himself, or they represent the antithesis of this insecurity—as for what specifically, i’m not sure, but it likely has something to do with ace’s paranoia. that’s probably why he attacks nico so much—because they remind him of something he hates about himself.

if both of them die, in the same chapter, i think ace would start doubting himself. all that would be left are people who have already seen how insecure he is. i think he’d lose his “purpose” and “relationships” in some ways, in that case—which would actually be a great setup to his secret quote: “i don’t know what to do with myself anymore.” ace markey existential crisis at 3 anyone /j

okay but. like. idk what i was even trying to say there. just take all of that with a grain of salt

okay, finally:

david:

(okay he’s literally just his own category at this point.) (i like to psychoanalyze him independently because i uh. have so much to say about him)

if you couldn’t already tell from my multiple theory posts about david, i have a considerable amount of interpretations regarding his character:

his current demeanor doesn’t reflect his true personality, but it’s not exactly like he’s a constantly optimistic person either

he’s not actually manipulating everyone into making the worst decisions. even his plan, though it wasn’t foolproof, was probably better than any of the options the cast had. however he did try to preserve his own image a little while presenting the plan since he’s trying to hide his depression

(both of those bullets are linked to other theory posts i made that elaborate more on these points)

either way, david is currently established as the “antagonist” character for this series, which was especially solidified after his breakdown in ch2 ep11. i think we all know what usually happens to the antagonist character in chapter 5.

however—david, unlike other canon danganronpa antagonists (especially nagito and kokichi from goodbye despair and killing harmony), has different motivations. rather than acting fully evil and/or cynical in an effort for the “greater good,” to me, he just… seems like he’s acting cynical and manipulative because that’s who he thinks he actually is. he’s playing a glorified version of his self-doubts and insecurities. so, to be completely honest, i think rather than him acting in a way to throw everyone off and ultimately end the killing game, i think david’s just in the middle of a breakdown and is acting suicidal. he’s actually pretty smart, so unless he was really emotional/desperate, i don’t think his lying would be as obvious as it is now. i think he honestly would’ve thought about it more (/lh) if he was genuinely attempting to end the killing game through lying and making everyone vote wrong. plus, we have already seen in chapter one that david doesn’t really… think straight when he’s emotional. we saw this during xander’s trial with the way he kept accusing teruko and thought she was the culprit despite the gradual accumulation of evidence that proved her innocence. (i think it’s general consensus that david actually did care about xander—and arei actually—and was therefore pretty emotional regarding their deaths, but i will make a post on that later if necessary.)

if david really is breaking down and acting suicidal in the second trial, i think it would fit if the plot decided to pull some irony and… y’know, have the one person who wants to die the most actually be a survivor. i really have no backing to this (and tbh i think i’m saying this because i want david to live LMAO), and i don’t exactly have any concrete evidence that establishes david as an antagonist character that doesn’t follow canon danganronpa antagonist traditions, but even then i still think it would be pretty cool if that happened.

god. this was. unhinged.

okay but watch me be entirely wrong on this lmao

i hope you guys could actually understand that entire wall of text because i don’t even know what i was writing halfway through also i didn’t put chapter 5/6 here because i literally have no idea what’s going to happen. it’s just going to be full of plot twists and i know it

i also didn’t exactly put a clear amount of killers/survivors so they don’t exactly. match up. plus i didn’t actually do a thorough analysis on veronika, rose, eden, teruko, etc so i’m probably going to have to go through those if i genuinely feel like doing a proper death order. (something is telling me rose and veronika are both going to get significant character development though, especially in the later chapters. we don’t have too much information on either of them yet (moreso veronika than rose) so i’m kinda waiting until we get more scenes to make assumptions about those two in particular)

but in summary:

j might die this chapter, arturo’s going to get significant character development as a result

no matter what, charwhit is absolutely doomed and one of them is going to die in the third chapter while the other is a survivor

hu will probably die in the third chapter, leading the conflict between nico and ace to escalate and reach a climax during the fourth chapter

(of course, this is assuming drdt follows traditional danganronpa and has a double murder during the third chapter. i’m not too much of a fan of the trope myself, but for the sake of organization)

nico and levi, who ace has the most personal (mostly negative) emotions towards at the current moment, will probably die during the fourth chapter leading ace to have an existential crisis and get character development (and will have to navigate his way to the end)

david is a non-traditional antag so he might die during chapter 5, but i personally see it more ironic and fitting to see him survive until the end seeing his current emotions and character

anyways.

i know there’s a lot of you who are significantly better at analyzing certain characters than i ever could so please please don’t hesitate to correct me if there’s an assumption i made that’s incorrect, and/or if you have anything i said that you could refute

plus i didn’t like. rewatch the entire series to make this i just had a long train of thought and searched for certain scenes that fit the most to what i was saying even if my assumptions weren’t correct

and as always. take this all with a grain of salt

(no but seriously, feel free to voice your opinions on this as well! i’ll definitely listen to them)

[spookyrobbins]

Can I just say that people calling Arizona biphobic sets my teeth on edge. First of all, she clearly mostly had problems with Mark and 99% of her "biphobic" comments come from Callie having no boudaries with her best friend and the father of her child. But also, can we be honest and admit that her fear about Callie going back to men in general was completely understandable and normal. She was a lesbian who was dating a "newborn" bisexual and was her first serious girlfriend. Can we stop pretending like Arizona's insecurity about Callie and fearing she might go back to men is biphobia?

beyond the mark stuff, idk if arizona ever really shows that she has a problem with callie being with men? like she mentions george in the shooting ep along with erica and mark and it’s more about how callie’s kinda always in relationships and her insecurity about just being temporary to callie. it’s always really about mark. and admittedly we never see callie in another serious relationship with a man so it’s hard to gauge arizonas reaction.

the only other moments where there’s discussion of biphobia (at least off the top of my head) are when callie’s talking about arizonas lesbian friends who are disapproving and when callie’s talking with mer and that again sounds more like it’s about arizonas insecurity with mark and how callie interprets it. in the first case at least, we literally never hear about arizonas friends again so presumably arizona wasn’t all that close with them after they met callie.

that said, i’m not bi and it’s not my place to tell anyone what is or isn’t biphobia. personally, i think it’s arizonas markphobia, but clearly there are lots of people who think differently.

[troglobite]

augh

watched a really cool thing on tv

really my only thoughts are these

i keep running from heritage--not like, actively. but i avoid it in weird ways.

i’m so twitchy abt learning spanish properly. i had to at least learn to read it better for my MA--and i did! but i didn’t keep up practicing it. i bought novels in spanish specifically for that purpose and then i just. didn’t read them.

and like yeah part of it is Extreme Burnout and Depression bc [gestures at the world]

but i’ve always been like this

i refused to take spanish in a classroom past middle school

i took online courses

and i never knew much or did well

and it’s annoying bc that’s a point of insecurity, so you think i’d do it more, right?

and yet.

so i’m just.

idk was watching a thing. abt indigenous ppls in the region my family’s from. &they sound like my family & after watching it for an hr i was talking--and i sounded like them? not even consciously? which i don’t do w most ppl. like if i watch iwtv i don’t suddenly have a lousiana deep south twang. like. idk.

&i noticed it & i just kept thinking, watching it, bc they were talking food in that episode.

like. i wish i had that. i wish i had community & family. 

&at the same time i know how hard it would’ve been for me to come out if i’d had that--specifically w my own family. i might’ve never come out. i might be truly the most miserable bastard. i mean i’m miserable rn, but i mean miserable in a different way. lol

&also my mom even recorded this show for me & said “this is what i keep trying to get you to watch”

bc she knows it’s important to me

and yet i avoid it

i’m afraid. i’m white, technically. i’m so far from my heritage & my family. i feel like i’m not allowed.

there are so many discussions happening in the demographics & ppl that i’m technically a part of. but i don’t think i’m qualified at all. and they scare me. bc they’re high stakes to me.

“is latine/latinx a white colonial construct?” i mean provably no, but it’s hard to have to argue that. bc then you have--is that what we should even call ourselves? how do we discuss indigeneity in our groups and demographics? it feels messier and more complicated somehow? bc things are always different in different places.

but then there’s also like--do i need to know spanish? or should it be eschewed as a colonizer’s language, like english? but then functionally most ppl still speak it, just like english. so what do you do w that?

and then if not spanish, then an indigenous language, right? but who is allowed to learn those languages? 

and there was that post abt welsh, right, &i was like. yeah. i feel like. ppl should be allowed to learn languages.

but then that also feels like a fraught discussion that i don’t know what to do with.

i feel so afraid to participate bc i don’t want to do it wrong, &unlike just learning & making mistakes & that being okay, this is who i am and if i get it wrong i’m just a fucking outsider colonizer

this is just my perennial issue

i want to learn nahuatl. it’s the only language i know that is from the region that i know my family is from. my family is majority not spaniard, if dna is to be believed (which is another fraught topic!!!). 

and it’s just hard. idk what to do w all this.

&so i just. avoid it.

truly the only poem i’ve ever had published was abt pulse. &part of it was abt me struggling to reconcile all the pieces of me.

i had to ask for help w the spanish in it bc i didn’t know. which was sort of case in point i guess.

but it hurts. it still hurts.

&yet i also feel like i’m not allowed to be hurt abt this. for all intents & purposes, to most ppl, i am simply white. that’s it. 

i changed my whole name but i kept my last name spanish. but i’m basically white. 

i feel like i don’t belong. like i’m intruding. &while i’m friends w plenty of white ppl it’s not like. i fit w them much better. i do just bc of exposure, y’know, &the presumption of my own whiteness. but personally? white ppl are still like. Not Entirely Me. 

my mom is white, yes, VERY white. but she’s also not a fucking idiot. she tries. she’s dated and been friends w a lot of other ppl. the way she grew up, she wasn’t sheltered or clueless abt racism or other cultures. (which is why it’s so fucking annoying that her brothers are hardcore basically-just-about-nazis and her only remaining blood sister is so fucking christian)

so my mom’s the outlier, &while we like, do white things bc yes, whiteness.

idk.

i just feel like every part of me & my whole life is just floating in a vat of ???? wtf even am i. 

&i was just reminded of it, watching the show, &reminded of why i avoid it. bc there’s just so much conflict inside of me abt it. &idk how to resolve it. or what to do abt it.

&it’s not like i can just walk up to another mexican america/tejane & like. demand comfort & help. i can’t ask that of someone.

&what’s more i’m in fucking WA where like there’s basically none of us except in the east of the state where we’re/they’re all farm workers and fruit pickers, bc that’s just. fucking life. my dad & his family picked strawberries in michigan when he was younger. that’s just. what we’re relegated to. that’s where you find us/them now.

but there’s like no one here to even talk to abt it. i feel so removed and i hate it, but i feel like i have no recourse or path forward. idk.

&of course it sucks bc my dad was emotionally abusive & i don’t talk to ANY of my/his family anymore at all. 

the only good gifts he’s given me were in the last two years. he took to quilting apparently, &he sent me one w family pictures & names on it, &one he gave to his mother that she used all the time before she passed. like he finally understood what might matter to me.

but i can’t reach out. bc i can’t come out to these ppl. i know i can’t, bc a lot of my hangups abt being gay & trans/genderqueer come from my dad. he might not technically be a catholic anymore (bc he divorced twice), but he’s still. like that.

i hate feeling so alone. it feels like every facet of my life was made to be just [something] enough so that i can’t ever feel comfortable in different situations w ppl i want so desperately to be with and belong to.

idk. anyway. this was longer than i intended. lol

&also it feels weird to claim generational trauma even though i absolutely am like. always feeling it.

my dad wasn’t taught spanish properly bc they wanted to spare him. he went by his english sounding name instead of his given one, but his teachers mocked him. ppl he knew of in town were like fucking lynched. he was assaulted many a time. even when i was a kid i saw ppl be racist to him, w me standing right there, too. &while i’m white, ppl were still racist to or around me when i was a kid. &as much as i don’t want a relationship w him again i hold so much pain and compassion in my heart for him. &it feels like there’s nothing i can do abt it.

[humanoidtyphoons]

okay, i’ve mulled about my knb nitpicks, how to word them. think i’ve got it.

-i prolly rated s3 lower in part bc i initially found it underwhelming with how the show resolve kagakuro’s childhood friends that helped them with basketball?

for kagami, in general, i’m sorry i just didn’t find himuro all that likeable until the kuroko birthday episode tbh, and i wished you could have had glimpses of that sooner — in part, you can’t bc himuro has his inferiority complex with kagami, but. that leads to another issue.

i kinda wanted more with ogiwara originally? bc he turns up, and they have a phone conversation about him getting back into basketball so they’ll hopefully play against each other sincerely the next year (in a way that a was flat out impossible when it was with teikou). but i thought about while it rewatching and… ogiwara never really had the fallout like kagahimu did? his issues wasn’t with kuroko, exactly, but he wanted to play against a kuroko who enjoyed basketball—something that kuroko himself was trying to find, and would probably only get after he had succeeded in finding a way for the gom to enjoy playing basketball again too, which is something ogiwara also wanted! bc kuroko had confided in him and kept in touch with him during the teikou days, ogiwara knew how important his team meant to him. so for him to sit out the current&next year… it was fine. bc he was trying to motivate kuroko, somewhat, and kuroko found a way to succeed. and with that achieved, ogiwara can now look forward to playing against kuroko. so the conflict between them was different, and while i would have liked a smidge more of ogiwara, i don’t know if much more was actually needed?

-this is me being petty but i think i may have docked s3 for the eyecatches/team line up. i actually liked them at the midway point of the episode, but i was annoyed that it was only in s3 and not in s1&2. the fact it only happened in s3 made them grate a little even if they’re a cute idea but like… either have them in all seasons or not at all??? don’t introduce them in the last season!!!

-kagami’s side of the story is really weak. idk if it’s an adaptation choice or if it’s the case of the manga but… not an awful lot of time is spent that much with alex or himuro, so i care much less about them. but. alex, generally pretty gross, as a fan service object. i don’t know how old she is either but it doesn’t help. also himuro’s team only get one match so it’s harder to gauge growth tbh? but i enjoyed his interactions with takao, and i liked seeing kagami get on with himuro, so maybe had the flashback dragged their friendship out more, before himuro’s insecurity and bullshit promise happen, i could have rooted for it more. or shown more angst and conflict on kagami’s side, idk. but it was kinda glossed over for me.

-so yeah for me, s2 is both best (hanamiya & murasakibara) and worst (alex & himuro) season out of the three (momoi being used for fan service also not great btw)

-i think the anime would have benefited from spending a little more time not playing basketball and seeing them off court shenanigans tbh. i might have cared more for various characters (seirin & himuro) if that had been the case. you do get snippets often, but… it wasn’t enough beyond barely being serviceable. they’re cute and funny, but my investment levels are neutral tbh. like the moe couplets don’t mean much to me, bc it’s sometimes just feels as if the gom need a minder, and supposing that something similar to kurokaga is happening to the gom in their separate teams. imahana are my special guys, tho, since i got a penchant for nasty personalities and creeping people out, and the fact that these two have history, commenting on each other’s matches.

despite that. yeah, this show is a 10/10. why? bc kuroko succeeds in his goals. from the start to finish, it’s about kuroko trying to enjoy basketball again, and help his teikou teammates to enjoy basketball again. and he succeeds. and i fucking care about the gom!!! while i am ambivalent to seirin (sans kagami), i absolutely see how seirin is the team kuroko needed, so it works for kuroko, which in turn works for me. this whole thing was started by kuroko and ogiwara, even tho it’s peripheral, but it ended with them hoping to play next year, so it does feel full circle to me.

i love the gom & kagami friendships. i love the superhero sport matches. the soundtrack is awesome. i am consistently entertained.

so yeah, it was really worthwhile to rewatch and see how my feelings had changed or stayed the same.

[emblemxeno]

Sped through the rest of XC2 for the game again and watched the rest of the cutscenes for the story again, now I’m all cried out 😭

I love the plot and characters more as a whole, the music is beautiful, the gameplay systems are intricate and satisfying, just extremely newbie unfriendly given the bad tutorials. The navigation and world experience being chained to field skills-therefore being chained to gacha-does knock it down a peg, but on the whole I still think it’s tied together with XC1 as my favorite games.

Spoilers for XC2′s plot under cut

-Rex is a fantastic protagonist and I will fight anyone on this. I think the dichotomy between his naive yet genuine compassion and love for people opposes Jin and Malos’ worldly experiences, hatred for humanity, and wanton destruction very well. Some might say his role as main character is undeserved, that he’s too OP for who he is, but idk, you gotta suspend a little disbelief for the sake of enjoying a story.

-Likewise, Pyra and Mythra’s wish to die parallels Jin’s self same desire, especially since the former case is fear of their own power bringing pain and misery to the world, whereas the latter wants to die because of the pain and misery the world inflicted on him. The end result for both of them is extremely bittersweet considering they were so similar in the end.

-Nia is such a breakout character and such a personal favorite. While maybe not intended, she very much resonates with me as a queer person, with the whole “what’s the point of living if I have to hide” and fearing persecution from a world that has already shown its ugly side to your true self. Having her be unabashedly true to who she is was such an amazing arc, especially with her having a found family and the repeated message of “this is where I belong”. I wager the message Nia’s arc in this game resonates even stronger with trans people given the circumstances around her true self being related to the happiness in regards to her Blade form, too.

-Hot Take, but Tora’s neat! He’s just a kid with dreams beyond himself and is really insecure, but meeting Rex and the others really did wonders for his self worth and his connection with Poppi only furthers that. Speaking of which, Poppi is also such a fucking great character. So endearing, so entertaining, and damn did she make me cry during the last chapter.

-Morag and Zeke are both great members of the party for the role they play as experienced adults who help guide and-sometimes unknowingly-encourage the kids to follow the right direction. Unlike Jin or Amalthus, who saw the worst in humanity and chose destruction and nihilism, Zeke and Morag have seen their fair share of hardships yet pressed on being good people regardless. Special note to Morag for noting that she herself feels like she hasn’t found the meaning to her life, and the story itself giving validity to the fact that sometimes adults don’t have it all figured out, but even with that, their life still has value.

-It’s par for the course for Xeno games, but the methods of storytelling in XC2 is top notch. Even shit like the damn chapter titles do so much in hindsight, my favorite example being Chapter 7, “The Fear She Carries.” It’s attributed mostly to Pyra and Mythra, given the chapter name itself is said in reference to how they fear their power, but what’s great is that it also applies to Nia (fear of persecution due to her being a Flesh Eater) and Pandoria (fear of losing the Driver she has known and loved for a decade). This game is chock full of stuff like that, and replaying it knowing what happens gives you lots of insight and “Ohhhhh” moments when you connect the dots again.

-Also, another thing I really like is how the game started out explaining its backstory/history with a not at all subtle adaptation of Abrahamic myth and creationism, but the big reveal is that god was a scientist who went too far, and began reconstructing the world with an evolutionary process. A great way to incorporate both opposing beliefs of how life started within the plot.

-I greatly like how this game connects to XC1. Personally idk why some people felt it was handled poorly, given it was forshadowed back in like... chapter 8? And the connection between the two has been in the works from the start, given what we now know of XC3′s development and how the basis for that game’s plot started before XC2 even began conceptually. Regardless, I like the parallel dimension twist, and I greatly await to see how XC3 connected the two worlds.

-Shoutout to Jin and Malos for a relationship that is so homoerotic without the story saying outright that you’re lovers. I love destructive boyfriends.

[serowotonin]

JEALOUSY HCS _

ft. todoroki shouto, shinsou hitoshi, shigaraki tomura, todoroki touya

n. this was a request from my sideblog that i posted b4 but idk the tags weren’t working back then so im reposting it here,,,,,

todoroki shouto _

if we’re being totally honest here, todoroki most likely won’t even realize he has a crush on you

like poor bby he’s just so oblivious when it comes to these things

all he knows is he gets rlly nervous around you but.. it’s a good kind of nervous? it’s weird

what’s even weirder is how he feels whenever he sees you talking to one of your friends…

there’s this tight feeling in his chest and his mind gets kinda foggy

and this happens every. single. time. he sees you with that person

which is a lot

at first it wasn’t that bad

he could kinda ignore how he felt and just suppress that icky jealousy

later on though,,, welp

the moment he realizes he has a crush on you is the moment his jealousy takes a dark turn

i’m getting yandere vibes writing this akdjf

he wont do anything or try to interfere with you and your friend’s relationship

he’ll just grow distant and most likely act pretty hostile around your friend

don’t worry tho,,, with the help of some of his friends, he realizes he should just tell you how he feels

and he does and you accept and reciprocate his confession and you two live happily ever after uwu

shinsou hitoshi _

this dude broods when he’s jealous

but i don’t think a lot of people would notice it anyway

if you aren’t close to him it’d probably be hard to tell the difference between him normally and him “brooding” 

anyway it just frustrates him so much that you spend so much time with that one friend of yours

if you guys were already friends, this would just make him insecure and cause him to kind of withdraw from you

mainly because his jealousy and all that makes him remember that he’s “not here to make friends”

even tho he tries to convince himself of that,, he can’t deny that he does have feelings for you

feelings that go beyond friendship

and it just frustrates him even more

all he wants to do is tell that friend of yours to stay the hell away but.. he can’t exactly do that

i mean he probably could with his quirk but there’s no way he’d actually use it

he doesn’t want people to seeing him as more villain-y than he already is

besides, he can’t just tell others to stay away from you cuz like….he’s not exactly your boyfriend or anything…

he’s not your boyfriend

and the moment he realizes he really wants to be., that’ll be changed immediately

shigaraki tomura _

once he notices how much time you spend with someone else,,,,

*murderous intent*

ngl he might even just ask kurogiri to kidnap you or smth

of course, kurogiri will probably stop him before he yk... does anything too bad

then he’ll try to reason with shigaraki:

“killing y/n’s friend will only make them hate you”

he actually sees the logic there and just turns into a pouty bb

he’ll still go complain about it to kurogiri

a LOT

which means kurogiri sorta turns into some relationship guru for shiggy

his advice would differ depending on whether you’re a pro-hero, fellow villain, or just a civilian

if you’re a pro-hero,, kurogiri will most likely try to convince shigaraki to just give up on you

hero/villain relationships are extremely complicated and a lot of hurt is definitely going to be involved

he doesn’t want shigaraki getting hurt and neither does he want him getting captured

if you’re a fellow villain, odds are he tries to get shigaraki to accept his feelings and confess to you

having someone important to him close in his life might help him

and if you’re just a civilian,, he’ll try to convince shigaraki to stay away

for your own good

he doesn’t wanna involve innocent people if it’s not necessary anyway

whatever the case tho, kurogiri would try to help shigaraki get over his jealousy, whether it means getting together with you or not

dabi / todoroki touya _

depending on your relationship with dabi, he might just end up teasing you about it

“OoOooO going on another date with [friend’s name]”

“it’s not a date..”

he’ll probably also try to just spend as much time with you as possible

if he sees you and your friend together, he’ll be quick to swoop in and come up with some excuse to drag you away

or if you made plans with your friend to hang out and dabi find out, he’ll be sure to be there acting as if he totally hadn’t crashed in on your plans

ofc the longer this continues on for, the more hostile dabi becomes to your friend

as if he wasn’t hostile enough already

truth is he hated greatly disliked your friend since the moment he met them

he always suspected they saw you as something more than just friends

it pissed him off but.. there’s not much he could do about it

if there ever are any signs of them making a move on you tho,, dabi plans to just pull them aside for “a nice chat”

and you can all probably guess how that would go

in any case, your friend gives dabi slight insecurity issues and most likely,, he’ll end up confessing to you one way or the other

altho lets be real,, this “confession” would be more like:

pulls you to his chest “hands off my s/o”

“s/o? since when?”

“since now”

t. @lilikags

[yackers]

okay so I've been rewatching some of s3 and I'm unsure how to feel. Like in many cases Patricia's jealousy is way overdramatic but in some cases (esp when eddie was checking out the same woman that his dad was 🤢) its kinda justified?? ugh idk these two really needed to work on their communication

see what I’ve said before that’s always made sense to me is that patricia’s over the top jealousy towards kt and eddie is, at first especially, a result of eddie using mara to make her jealous when he was mad at her the previous year. like you said about their frankly insane problems with communication, they tend to convey how they’re feeling towards each other exclusively through actions like just being randomly rude to each other or ignoring each other or using someone else to make the other jealous. so like in s3 when kt first arrives, patricia is unaware of eddie’s visions about her and knows that he’s mad at her about what happened over the summer so she assumes that lines like “you’re the girl from my dream” are like bad attempts at flirting with another girl in front of her to piss her off. he then proceeds to literally follow kt around everywhere and stuff and without context it just looks like he’s coming on way too strong. especially considering the fact she still liked him and could’ve wanted to make up with him when they got back to school. like she’s wayyy too mean to kt and I’m not saying that she was right for that but it’s not uncharacteristic of patricia because she’s always been mean to and wary of new people due to her trust issues and fear of like change within her home. and I’m not saying her reactions to everything aren’t rooted in jealousy because like they are but she also got mad at how much time nina and fabian spent together in s1 because she didn’t trust her and was mad that fabian did like she’s just overly protective of the house I think. she’s also just scared of losing him to girl that you can tell she secretly thinks is pretty cool.

and then her jealousy within her relationship with eddie once they’re back together is like you said a result of them being really shit at communicating. they never really have conversations about their relationship and tell each other when they’re mad so like when she sees him hug kt around a time when things had been a little rocky between them she retaliates by spending time with ben because they’re still barely able to be vulnerable enough with each other (especially her) to be able to say when things bother them. the whole talk they finally have where they actually say to each other that they only have feelings for each other only actually happens once patricia’s soul is gone ffs. (which is part of why a lot of her sinner behaviour feels so off because she’s never usually that open with her feelings).

and yea like that yucky yuck yuck scene you mentioned (that was sooo unnecessary bc yea 🤮) like I don’t even necessarily think that’s jealousy because to have the audacity to check out a random woman in front of your girlfriend does just mean you should get whacked. I think that’s just the show setting her up for the tricks denby plays on her later on. it builds a foundation for her distrust of eddie’s fidelity which is then built upon by denby mentioning his wandering eyes (I think that might have been right before this scene actually), the love letter and then eventually the messages.

so I don’t even think she’s necessarily ever crazily jealous for like just the sake of drama like a lot of people suggest about s3. her insecurity and trust issues become her arc that leads to her downfall and sinner capture because for three seasons she’s barely been able to trust anyone to consistently care about her and look out for her and I actually think that in a show that relies so much on teamwork and camaraderie it’s pretty cool for that to be a fatal flaw.

I will say that in tor it’s just kinda weird like you could argue that it’s because she’s upset about them taking her place in the house and stuff but like the show was just weird for implying that there could ever have been any romance between supposedly 14 year old sophia and 18 year old eddie and it wasted the last time the audience had with the show’s fan favourite couple for the sake of like the pink dress gag. tor was just written really badly in general though like I love it but I never take it too seriously.

[vrisrezis]

My mcu favs w/ crush and relationship hcs (pt 2) (not proof read)

- gonna be honest she’s not familiar with romantic feelings, takes her awhile to even realize what she feels for you

- you make her heart all melty and soft, you make her face heat up, you make her question everything she does

- you make her feel even giddy and overly happy and it kinda annoys her tbh

- she thinks you’re out to get her or something and have casted some spell but when she asks thor he has no idea what she’s talking about until she describes what she’s feeling and he just laughs and thinks she’s joking

- she’s like no. I’m serious ?

- to which thor would tell her what it is, he has a bit of an idea because of Jane

- tbh loving somebody romantically, caring about somebody to this extent scares her

- she’s lost so many people and because of it became a raging alcoholic

- if she lost you she doesn’t know what could happen

- she tries to push you away but quickly realizes she doesn’t like doing that to herself or you

- asks you to go out drinking with her often if you’re up for that

- she’d find it funny how easily you get drunk but has no problem taking care of you, in fact she would probably drink with you more often so she can take care of you because it’s the closest to intimacy she feels she can have with you (no she is not taking advantage of you or anything, it’s more just the thought of taking care of you feels intimate to her)

- also you’re cute while you’re drunk

- trans with you so you can be tougher if you’re not that tough already

- tbh asks thor to do the same with you, whether it be cuz she’s not around or because you need the extra training

- eventually Thor’s at the point where he’s like you gotta tell em and she’s like no 🖕

- but she does eventually

- she’s kinda awkward about it but she tries to sound confident with it ^^

- dating you is very different than just being her friend tbh

- like you might’ve been surprised at her asking you out, even if it’s kinda obvious to anybody that knows her well

- to any stranger you just seemed like friends with a strange rivalry relationship but that’s really not the case

- she’s much more flirty in a relationship, since she’s confident you’re with her for a reason.. she’s not the type to doubt your relationship, you’re with her for a reason

- much more protective in battle though

- she doesn’t say she loves you enough, but she shows it through her actions

- asks thor about the romantic stuff but he has no idea really so she goes to Bruce who kinda has more of a grasp on it

- tries to take you to like normal restaurant dates... kinda awkward since she had no midgardian clothes at that point

- lotsa quick kisses on the cheek or forehead

- likes cuddling as she finds it just.. kinda intimate ?

- still likes to take care of a drunk you

- quick pecks on your lips are very often

- doesn’t like the idea of going on a lot of Thor’s saving the world shits unless you’re on board with it

- thor jokes about how she’s all badass and “I don’t give a fuck about saving the world or anyone else” until it comes to you

- she kicks his ass

- but he’s not wrong

- when she likes you she’s a bit like wtf

- like she doesn’t realize it for a moment until jane explains it

- before she was her usual talkative self but there was a lot of nervousness and stuttering at times, just unusual awkwardness that made Jane raise a brow

- it makes more sense now

- since she’s aware she likes you now she often asks you to hang out, to help her out, whatever it is

- the gal is clingy af what can she say

- lotsa hugs she loves giving you hugs often does them for a greeting

- just an excuse to hold you though tbh

- at times will get tongue tied

- she tries to flirt but it just makes you confused she’s not good at it you’re not even gonna know she’s flirting

- eventually grows impatient about it and is just like “I LIKE U DUMMY! DATE ME!”

- and now you date

- she gets into things a bit quickly so if it’s too fast tell her, hopefully not a dealbreaker

- dates are often because she’s got a lot of creative ideas for dates ^^

- still hugs you as a greeting but a lot longer and intimate and a kiss follows after

- speaking of kisses she LOVES to kiss you and she does so very often

- very needy

- big cuddler

- just like “CUDDLE ME”

- so demanding

- often talks about you and how much she loves you she can’t help it

- but if anybody did the same she like “shut up nobody cares”

- even with you though she’s blunt, but much nicer about it

- likes going on just good dates, restaurants , picnic, whatever

- she eats all the food

- tries to impress you so she might say she was best friends with thor at a point

- and that she’s helped him out before and .. yeah etc

- she likes buying you clothes tbh

- especially if you don’t dress good let her dress you up pls

- would be sad if you didn’t get along with Jane

- it would be a dealbreaker actually

- she knows she’s a bit much so she feels happy you love her anyways

- vision of course will not understand his feelings

- he understands you definitely make him feel something, that something being good

- for a moment he might think he feels like this is how best friends feel towards another, or even thinking he sees you in a familial light

- tony quickly tells him that is not the case

- once vision understands what he really feels he’s not sure how to go about it, he can be quite oblivious

- he’s aware of this but still .. what does he do?

- asks tony for advice, he tells him to flirt and see how it goes

- but tbh that doesn’t work, you don’t even realize he’s flirting gonna be honest

- he’s just bad at it

- so he tries to just simply state his affection, that doesn’t work because he doesn’t know how to word it without it sounding platonic, or getting too nervous about going too far

- he doesn’t wanna overstep boundaries

- tony is in pain watching this btw

- tony eventually is just like “he wants to know if you would like to go on a date” “w- I.. yes?”

- in a relationship he is very sweet

- kinda cliche though, since he doesn’t have a concept of romance at all

- looks up a lot of the things he should know about romance he doesn’t want to ask you that

- while he has no problem protecting you, he doesn’t feel the need to be overly protective unless needed

- he’s logical, reasonable, he only gets protective if he has to, even with how he feels towards you

- but do you distract him? Yes absolutely

- he’s okay with living comfortably and normally for once with you, unless it’s something you don’t want or are not ready for

- once you’re conditioned to a certain lifestyle, even if it isn’t a good one it can be uncomfortable to get out of and he understands that

- he loves to kiss you, often initiates kisses or forms of affection

- you were the first to kiss him, it made him so flustered but so happy and now he’s addicted to kissing you

- loves kissing your hands

- if you have any insecurity he will do anything in his power to prove you wrong and that he doesn’t see you in that light

- he understands he has responsibilities but other than that, loves spending his time with you

- he understands you’re a distraction so he tries not to fight with you, he wants to prioritize the people when it comes to this kinda thing

- which you of course understand

- once you teach him what dancing is, his love language is dancing with you

- you two just stay up talking about nothing and everything

- having kids with him isn’t an option, but he isn’t opposed to adopting children

- after all, all he’s ever wanted was to be a normal significant other to you

- do not have a huge concept on her character so forgive me 🙏

- she can be a bit flirty, not that you mind though right ?

- she just loves spending all her time with you

- probably met you before wandavision

- so you’re probably already together

- even then in wandavision you two were “roommates”

- doesn’t explain all the flirting girl .

- agathas fall would be letting Wanda find out she had a soft spot for you my god

- while she’s all confidence and flirty in general, she’s a bit softer with you

- like she genuinely means the things she says when it comes to you

- eventually asks you to date her, you don’t have much room for dates outside of wandavision

- you two are always together btw

- loves dancing with you

- she has a good grasp on romance so she has no issue with it

- she is full of confidence when it comes down to it tbh

- holds your hand often

- your relationship ain’t official till like the 70s probably

- might joke after wanda has kids that you both should have kids too

- while she’s causing her mischief you back her up to make her look less suspicious

- seriously in the mist of all this she’s grateful for you

- especially when you get her out of the hell that Wanda puts her in once again

- to which she will actually confess she loves you, and cares for you

- you aren’t just like.. some person to date

- she’s not the most vulnerable obviously

- so the fact she finally is.. it’s just a lot

- “idk I just love u a lot hun . Cant I show I love u 😊”

- she’s just so overly sweet with you

- she’s so awful to everyone else at times that she just likes being .. with you and being a softie

- likes you playing with her hair

- she loves a good cuddle

- cute nicknames like hon, or hun, or just teddy bear

- with a crush quill might try to act overly friendly

- and probably flirts a lot

- he’s very like obvious with the flirting so you’d have to be oblivious not to notice it

- he can be quite protective as well

- like not just in fighting but even with just others like even before dating he’s very jealous

- if he makes a joke you’re always in on it somehow

- he tries for form a close bond with you just cuz he likes you so much

- it’s likely he likes somebody that can easily protect themselves doe

- probably has some dumb handshake with you

- honestly he acts like a close friend to you

- people might mistake you for a sibling like relationship if it weren’t for his flirting and him staring at you like you’re his entire universe

- seriously Sam says Bucky has a staring problem, quill is fucking awful

- it’s constant and rocket is always like “you’re staring”

- and he’s like “nO” and then continues to stare

- has you listen to his favorite music of course

- especially the love songs ;D

- will just dance with you to the music he puts on

- one time you guys are dancing to the music he put on like normal but it’s a slow love song, so hes like let’s so dance bae

- and then he tells you how he feels for u

- now u date <3

- lots of forehead kisses

- cuddle bug absolutely

- still a jealous boyfriend though tbh he will try to seem all tough in front of any man he thinks might be better or something he will do anything to show off

- your relationship doesn’t change just lots of kisses and hugs now and I love yous

- you’re totally the relationship that’s like “I love you more” “nooo I love you more” and the guardians hate y’all so much

- he uses nicknames like hun, honey, love, sweetheart

- let’s just say you slow dance more often, and kiss while doing so ^^

- he flirts with you still but it’s a lot more sweet rather than before where he might’ve just flirted with you in terms of like it being kinda like calling you sexy and shit like that, now it’s more like wow u look beautiful I luv u 😊🙏

- would do anything for you, even if he wouldn’t like it

- doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hesitate tho

- going on separate dates isn’t really an option since you guys fight left and right and are always with the guardians, but he decided every once a couple months you guys go on a date together and have some fun

- Loki doesn’t get crushes, so this is a new thing for him

- and tbh he doesn’t know how to take it either, especially when he realizes how strong those feelings actually are

- he hates the idea of being vulnerable in general, especially when it comes to you

- over time it just... happens

- but if there’s any indication he likes spending time with you he will try to lie his way through it, he’s a good liar of course so it probably works

- however he shows he at the very least cares about you, he shows a sign of protectiveness when it comes to potential enemies.. enemies that happen to be dangerous for you

- plus he’s around you like constantly and claims he has nobody else to harass

- he claims he doesn’t care about you at all, but even thor can tell through this lie

- the way he looks at you makes it obvious

- the way he doesn’t try to get you involved in his more dangerous schemes

- and if you do, and you get hurt he feels guilty and tries to help you feel better

- he claims he just owes you one for getting you hurt though

- eventually thor bothers him enough to get him to confess feelings, which takes a lot for Loki to even go through with

- he acts confident, even moreso after you say yes, but deep down was extremely nervous

- the male is good at making you feel important, after trying so hard to hide his feelings he is tired of it and just wants to be more honest about how he feels about you

- no issue being vulnerable, he trusts you but sometimes it can be hard

- he goes to you for a lot of his problems, even if you cannot help, just venting and you listening helps

- he was already with you a lot but now there’s no excuses and it’s even moreso

- “what? I just wanted to visit my beautiful s/o” “we literally just saw eachother 5 minutes ago can I please go to bed”

- likes pressing your foreheads together, he finds it sweet

- jealous of thor? Absolutely. Pls comfort him and tell him you’d never leave him for thor

- he’s so used to just not being as good as him, he wants to be good enough for you

- deep down there’s just so many insecurities he has

- so it causes him to worry like all the time

- having a reassuring and patient s/o is so good for him ^^

- flirting becomes a thing in your relationship

- it makes him feel more confident pls give him this

- protective, he feels like he has to be tbh because he never gets anything good in his life and if he does he loses it, he’s scared to lose you too

- if for some reason he can’t see you he makes an illusion of you to talk to

- when he fake dies you’re the first he goes to see so you don’t think he’s dead, he loves you he wouldn’t want to do that to you =(

- finally

- gonna be honest bucky with a crush is cute

- first of all he smiles at you a lot, Steve is the first to notice how much he smiles around you, it’s the most he smiles like ever

- just has a lot of nice conversations with you about anything and everything

- also whenever you’re around even if other people are around you he’s just like “hey y/n :)”

- heart eyes for you, just can’t help but stare all the time

- he has a staring problem but with you? Yeah 10x over

- Sam always has something to say abt it also

- his idea of flirting with you is really just saying hi to you, just being overly friendly which is noticeable for a guy like Bucky

- eventually would ask you out, he tries to ease into it but he gets a bit impatient

- he was also nervous asking you out but yk

- when dating him he becomes very protective

- one of the most protective bitches on the list tbh

- he gets nightmares about you dying like all the time it breaks him everytime though

- lots of cuddles, whether it be from a rough day, he’s just tired, or had a nightmare

- he likes his hair being brushed by you and played with, even when he cuts it

- he’s scared of killing you and turning into the winter soldier again

- has dreams about when he’s hurt and fought you as the winter soldier, he keeps thinking about if Steve wasn’t there to help, he really could’ve killed you and that terrifies him

- even when you tell him it wasn’t him, he appreciates it but still feels horrible about it

- touch that metal arm, but like gently Yknow . Nobody’s ever touched that arm with such kindness and it makes him soft and feel lucky

- speaking of soft Bucky is very soft, there’s many soft moments with Bucky and vulnerability

- it’s easy to be vulnerable with you but not others

- lots of handholding

- he loves hugging you for long periods of time

- still has a staring problem but now Sam openly makes fun of him

- just big dumb smile on his face as he looks at you

- especially when you’re dealing with kids, seeing you be around them makes his heart warm

- maybe he does wanna be normal, settle down and have kids

- though the thought scares him it is something he desires

- we all know he calls you doll

[momota-kaiharem]

maybe this is just my kinnie speaking but i think a lot about the way that shuichi and maki interact with kaito. let me take an interaction from the talent development plan as an example.

just rewatching this interaction made me pretty mad again FLKJDSLKFJ i love training trio and i freaking love their relationship, but god, the way that maki and shuichi treat kaito here just drives me absolutely crazy, so let’s break it down.

i think maki is the more egregious offender here (because shuichi is a simp with manners) but throughout the interaction she’s very dismissive towards kaito, asking why he brought them out there (when shuichi says it’s something they do a lot) and then saying he was useless when he went with them to the novoselic, and saying he didn’t need to go along at all. but up until here shuichi does defend kaito a bit, even if it’s in a bit of a patronisng way (remarking that kaito “does this a lot” but “isn’t it fun” and remarking that kaito’s use on the novoselic mission was to invite maki).

and then kaito says that when he goes to space, he wants to see if he can see shuichi and maki from up there, which is a really sweet sentiment, albeit unrealistic. maki shuts him down pretty fast saying he couldn’t see them from that far, and shuichi says that he might be able to see the general region, and then kaito says that he’d like to take them up to space, and THIS is the thing that really frustrates me.

kaito loves shuichi and maki. romantically, platonically, however you’d like to describe it, it’s obvious that he cares about them a LOT. i mean, he tries to convince kaede to become an astronaut too in his ftes with her, but you could argue that kaito was trying to convince her to go to space because he really respects her (as indicated by the way kaito was the only one to consistently stand up for kaede through chapter one, and the way he was willing to fight the exisals to keep monokuma from executing her, and the way he was crying after she got executed... also he asks her for hugs a lot and it’s really cute kaito you simp ilu) so again, it shows, kaito says he wants to take people to space because he loves them. space is what kaito has always been most passionate about. it’s his longest standing goal and something he wants to share with the most important people in his life.

obviously he’s being unrealistic here!! but maki and shuichi have been friends with kaito for three years by now, and they should be used to it-- they are used to it, actually, as shown by maki’s response-- but maki’s response is mean!!! it’s mean. kaito shared a sweet sentiment about wanting to share his most treasured thing with them and maki responded by calling him stupid-- which, if you remember, kaito really doesn’t like being called!!! i’d go grab screenshots, but i don’t want to go sit and watch trials until i can find it, but often when kaito is called an idiot he responds by yelling that he’s not, and that he doesn’t like being called that. i know with maki a lot of it is just banter, but still, the utter disregard for kaito’s feelings just because he’s a hahaha positive himbo man hee hee hoo hoo is... ugh. it happens a LOT throughout the game and it’s really upsetting to me.

and then shuichi’s response is what really upsets me. i know it’s just meant as a tease, but let’s think about everything that kaito has done for shuichi and maki for a moment, here. sure, his practical abilities might not be on par with theirs. he’s not a detective and he’s not an assassin, so he can’t solve murders or fight off danger, but his EQ is INCREDIBLY high. he saw maki and shuichi, and he saw that they were struggling, and he decided to take them under his wing and help them to grow. he didn’t have to do that!!! he didn’t owe them anything. maki and shuichi could’ve grown at their own paces, of course, i believe in them, but a large part of their becoming more comfortable with who they are was owed to kaito’s help and love and guidance that he showed them over the years.

so the implication that kaito, an ASTRONAUT, would need them to go to space to save him, is utterly ridiculous. and mean!! it’s really mean. it implies that kaito is useless without them, that he needs them to go up there to save him (like they’re always saving him or whatever, which i find really stupid because there are absolutely no tdp events where they help him even SLIGHTLY) when he’s literally been training to be an astronaut and go to space for the last three years!!! it’s his special interest, and it’s so invalidating, to take kaito wanting to share that with them and imply that he’s useless at it, and that he needs assistance that they’ve never offered him because of it.

and maki’s response is really gross to me too, like kaito doesn’t have any other friends, which is totally stupid. i’m sure kaede would jump to his aid if he needed her, and gonta, and any other members of their class-- i mean, kaito is a nice guy!!! he helps people!!! it was easy to rally everyone in chapter five to save kaito because he was inspiring them!!! kokichi took him because if he didn’t, kaito would be there making everyone want to keep going. maki saying that implies that kaito is so annoying that they’re the only ones who would put up with him, that they’re these two skilled people who are just there because they pity him-- which isn’t true at all, i mean they’re totally talented but ALSO i know for a FACT that maki and shuichi really appreciate kaito, so why don’t they just act like it??

actually, i have thoughts on the reason why they behave that way. it’s something that happens a lot when you get comfortable with people. kaito projects confidence, this really strong, self-satisfied demeanour. it’s clear (or at least it seems to be clear) that he has a lot of self respect. so the teasing, to maki and shuichi, feels harmless, because kaito has high self esteem, he can take it. besides, he clearly has an inflated ego, right? so he needs them to take him down a peg.

except that’s not true, and you can tell that kaito has low self esteem because of what happens in chapter four. all throughout that chapter people rag on kaito, calling him an idiot, saying he’s useless during trials, saying shuichi is the only smart one. kokichi calls him an idiot and antagonises him over and over and over and shuichi NEVER sticks up for him, never once sticks his neck out and says “hey, i really appreciate kaito, and i need you to stop talking bad about him”. instead he just lets kaito fend everyone off alone, and of course maki doesn’t stick up for him either. that’s part of what fuels kaito’s turn on shuichi in chapter five. sure, you could argue that it was about gonta-- but shuichi also turned the tables on kaede, who kaito showed more consistent affection/respect towards, and he didn’t hate shuichi for that. no, the problem was that shuichi was getting all the credit and appreciation from everybody (which was fine!!! he led the trials) and kaito was getting dumped on over and over and over and shuichi was just letting it happen, soaking in all the admiration and letting kaito be called useless.

and i mean, that’d be hard for anyone, being called stupid over and over, getting forcefully logged out of the simulation twice, once by your own sidekick who didn’t even bother asking you permission first, but it’s clear to me that kaito feels inadequate, especially as compared to shuichi, who is so intelligent and composed. kaito projects outwards, he puts on this big grin and calls himself a hero, and that must stem from a place of insecurity. there’s no way that someone who gave himself a dorky title like luminary of the stars is super secure in himself and his relationships. 

there’s another reason why maki and shuichi probably treat kaito that way, and that’s because when you respect and appreciate someone that much, and you struggle expressing it, struggle with vulnerability, it becomes... hard to express. maki hasn’t been close to someone like she’s close to kaito for as long as she remembers. she’s never had a freaking nickname before, i mean, her life is really sad. clearly some of the teasing comes from a place of love, of “i respect and admire you so much, you helped me come out of my shell, idk what i would’ve done without you” and not knowing how to express it. i’ve been there. we’ve all been there. when you love a person but don’t know how to say it, sometimes you just end up playfully ragging on them.

and that’s fine, if it’s two-sided. banter has to be mutual, it has to be something that everyone is enjoying and is comfortable with. you choose things that they’re not sensitive about, that they’re fine with you taking the piss out of them over-- that they take the piss out of themself over. but let’s think about kaito for a minute here, and whether this is really banter.

1. does kaito ever jokingly call himself an idiot? does he ever say he’s useless, or he needs people to save him, or he’s dumb? how does he react when other people do it to him? even when maki calls him a dumbass ingame he gets upset about it, but then he brushes it off, because genuinely being hurt over something like that requires vulnerability and kaito doesn’t really DO vulnerability lmao

2. how does kaito respond? does he tease them back? i think if this was a case of healthy banter, kaito would’ve gone with a jab of his own, like, “haha, you two are hilarious, you know you love me” sorta thing, and then moved on to talk about the moon like he does in his next line. he doesn’t, though, and you never really see kaito making fun of those two. he calls maki a coward in chapter three, but he’s just being honest with her, being blunt about her weaknesses to help her grow. kaito doesn’t sugar coat things, doesn’t hold your hand and walk you through your problems. he’s a tough love sort of guy and that doesn’t work for everyone but it does really work for shuichi and maki, to the point where both of them become pretty confident in themselves, owed at least in part to the way that kaito guided them through becoming the people they wanted to be. but he doesn’t really tease them, never calls shuichi out on wearing his hat (he doesn’t even notice it) and never makes fun of maki for being an assassin/having a kill count/whatever stuff they’re insecure about. of course he doesn’t! kaito is a good friend.

i think it’s important to mention here that kaito does respond with lighthearted indignation before he brushes it off, but i just don’t feel like this is healthy, two-sided banter. you see maki and shuichi acting dismissive of kaito a lot, despite everything that he does for them. he puts up with it, but if anything that just shows to me more how everything in the relationship flows one way. all the care, love, and respect goes from kaito to shuichi and maki. he takes care of them, he helps them, he doesn’t mock them. in return they tease him (even if their intentions are good!!!) and don’t ever really push him to open up, nor do they stand up for him when people put him down, nor do they particularly try and get him to be honest with his emotions. take chapter four, for example, after kokichi punches kaito and he doubles over, coughing up blood. maki and shuichi just buy that it’s a cold when kaito says that, they don’t push, even though they’re both clearly skeptical. respecting boundaries is important, but you NEED to push sometimes, you need to make people open up, because in that case kaito was literally dying, and he had to spend the rest of his life putting up a front.

i mean, even when he was dying he was holding back the urge to cough, acting brave and strong, putting on a hero face so that the two of them could go on to defeat the mastermind and focus on things that mattered. not on him.

i love training trio, i think these three work so well together and they can bring out each other’s strengths and weaknesses, but i just think that shuichi and maki do NOT treat kaito well, and unless he opens up and communicates about it, it’s going to lead to building resentments and an increased lowering of kaito’s self esteem. maybe this wasn’t intentional on the part of the game, but if it wasn’t, clearly it just shows that dr is incapable of writing healthy friendships. i’d love to write a character study someday about these guys, where kaito talks about his feelings and maki and shuichi realise they treat him like crap, but until then i guess i’ll just sit here and scream about it.

[alengmae]

Every Story Is Us (CH 5)

(AN: I was convinced by Jess to post this here. IDK why Jess but you work in mysterious ways. To read this in AO3 and my other drabbles, visit here.)

“What you seek is seeking you.”

~Rumi

Penelope choked on her the tiny sip of wine she took. She started coughing but her date carried on like nothing was amiss.

“Yeah, you remind me so much of her. You should meet Mother. I just know she will love you,” he gushed further. He gave her an expectant grin.

She gaped at him in astonishment. They literally just sat down not fifteen minutes ago, yet he was already talking about her meeting his mother on their first date. She knew it was a bad idea to trust Eloise and Fran’s idea. Tinder dates were really not her style. And, based on her first date, she felt vindicated.

She was about to set the record straight when the server came to their table and took their order. She opened her mouth to speak but her date was a lot faster.

“She’ll have the Steak Diane. You don’t mind me ordering for you, right?” he asked as he turned to her.

Penelope was too dumbfounded to respond. He was hitting all her red flags and he was completely oblivious to her irritation, which was awfully apparent since the server’s professional smile turned into a wince. She only raised her glass of wine to the server, who understood immediately her need for more booze. If the server were considerate, she would bring an entire bottle for her.

“Oh and separate bill,” he added before explaining to her with a hint of condescension, “I like to go Dutch on the first date. You don’t mind, do you? Of course you don’t!”

Honestly, she didn’t mind at all. If anything, she would have insisted on it. She felt that he was the type to lord it over after dinner, expecting for something in return. But the way he went on another tangent about his mother, she just knew she was not going to last the appetizer course.

She cursed Eloise and Fran heavily in her head. They insisted she try out the app and look where it got her. She should have followed Daphne’s instructions, to never get caught up in her younger sisters’ shenanigans. As she listened to her date drone on and on, one thing became clear in her mind. She needed new friends.

Nay, better friends.

She just moved from Ireland to London for work. And she met Eloise, a fellow teacher, not too long ago and they clicked immediately. Soon, she was invited to all their brunches and dinners. She fell in love with her family instantly, all eight of them. Although, there was a Bridgerton brother she has not met yet. Seemingly, that Bridgerton was off traveling the world and was on a lengthy tour this time around. And, if he was anything like his siblings, she knew she would come to love him too. But, right now, that love she felt for all things Bridgerton started to wane. She said she didn’t want a date but no, Eloise and Fran had to drag her kicking and screaming into one.

She was pulled out of her reverie when her date grasped her hand. He gently caressed her with his clammy hand and she nearly shivered from disgust because why was his hand so wet?

“I just knew as soon as I saw your picture you’d be the one. Even mother said you’d be a good wife with your wide-set hips,” he beamed at her.

“Oh my god,” she gasped out loud. She tugged her hand back and excused herself to the restroom. She needed to get out of this date. Never in her life had she felt so uncomfortable. She frantically dialed Eloise to come save her but there was no reception at all. Her annoyance reached an all-time high. Was there a fucking signal blocker installed in this facility? She lingered outside the restroom, hidden by the stately plants decorating the restaurant, and repeatedly scrolled through her phone for a miracle. She was close to screaming in frustration.

It was then she felt a finger lightly poke her back. She swiveled around and saw the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. He was exactly her type: tall, dark and handsome. He was incredibly fit, and wearing clothes that highlighted his muscular body. He had on a sympathetic smile and lips that were begging to be kissed. Well, hello there. Maybe his attractiveness short-circuited her brain because she just stood there gaping at him like an idiot.

“Sorry,” he modestly started, “I couldn’t help but notice. Are you alright?”

Penelope nodded, heat spreading on her cheeks. She must have looked like a mad woman, pacing to and fro in front of the restroom. She smiled weakly at him.

“Are you sure?” He glanced in the direction of her date and she grimaced. Her date was openly picking his nose in public at the moment. Penelope had to close her eyes in an effort not to shudder in repugnance. “Anne told me you might need saving.”

She perked up at the name of her server. She might have found her salvation after all. “I…actually, I might,” she bashfully admitted. “I need rescuing from my date. It’s a Tinder date.” She felt the need to explain why. Obviously, this handsome man in front of her probably think she was crazy for going on this date in the first place. And, just in case he might be interested, she wanted to make herself appear saner.

“No worries. I’m your guy,” he reassured her. When he grinned at her, she swore it went straight between her legs. The pull of her attraction to him was insanely intense. She had never felt anything like this before with other men.

“Colin, by the way,” he held out his hand, which she met coyly. “Penelope.”

She marveled at how long his fingers were compared to hers, how rough his skin was against hers and how dry his hands was compared to her date. Her mind started to wander to more wanton thoughts as he shook her hand. His fingers should be illegal, she mused. When he let go, she already mourned the loss of contact.

“Alright, Penelope. I’ll be your knight in shining armor tonight,” he stated excitedly.

Ugh, and he’s charming too? How the hell was he real?

He urged her back to her date without a game plan, only a wink. She got too pre-occupied with said wink to even ask about how he planned on rescuing her. She reluctantly sat down across her date again.

“You sure took your time there,” her date stated said evenly. “I hate waiting. Be more prudent next time.”

She almost threw the basket of breadsticks to his face. Colin better come right away or else, she will stab the man in front of her in the eye with a breadstick. Before she could openly berate him, Colin marched to their table purposefully. He stopped with a loud dramatic gasp.

“Penelope, how could you?” he bellowed scandalously. “After ten years of marriage, this is what you’re doing?”

“What the fuck…” she mumbled in shock at his theatrical display. Her date appeared to be equally confused at the scene in front of them.

“And you left Colin Jr at home by himself to meet up with this man?” Colin continued his melodrama without pausing. “What does he have that I don’t?”

“Wait, you have a kid?” her date’s furious question jerked her from her bewilderment.

“I-“

“I thought you were a virgin!” he cut her off, for the nth time this night.

“That’s where you draw the line? Me not being a virgin?” her incredulous voice was shrill in affront.

Even Colin stopped with his dramatics with a revolted, “Dude.”

Thankfully, this was the moment her date decided to storm out. “Mother was right, after all. Never trust anyone from the internet,” he spat at her before he left.

Penelope hissed back, “It goes both ways!” She clutched her wine glass and chugged the contents in one go.

Colin took her date’s seat and stared at her, eyes twinkling in amusement.

She glared at him. “And you, Colin Jr really?” she asked with a huff.

“I got carried away. You should have seen your face!” He laughed out loud. But she had a sneaking suspicion that he planned it all from the start. She supposed, once that her outrage had passed, it was hilarious. She started giggling with him.

He was about to stand when the food came out, along with a bottle of wine. Penelope stopped him from leaving. “It’s a shame to waste all these food I’d end up paying for. And really want to thank you for saving me from that horrible date.”

He appeared hesitate so she added further, “After ten years of marriage, this is the least I could do.”

He laughed out loud again. It definitely was her libido acting up because she felt herself swoon slightly to his baritone laughter. She found herself wondering if he had a Tinder account. He gestured for her to pick which plate was hers. She gratefully took her previous date’s salmon dish and pushed the steak towards him. They ate, happily chatting about everything under the sun. He regaled her with stories of his vast travels, one story similarly exciting as the next. She offered her childhood tales from her Irish motherland. He started talking about his work, and how he just came back from Morocco after missing his boisterous family. And she started opening up about her insecurity of being in an unfamiliar country all by herself. He held her hand in consolation as she admitted succumbing to homesickness sometimes. He comforted her by recounting comical anecdotes from his travels.

If she was awestruck by his good-looks, she was even more enamored by his wit and sense of humor. He made her laugh so hard but he also made her think. There was nothing sexier than a sharp intellect. He was becoming more dangerous to her as more times passed.

They stayed together until it was closing time. And she barely noticed the passage of time. It wasn’t until Anne cleared her throat in front of them that they noted that they were the only patrons in the restaurant left. She awkwardly asked for the cheque but Colin stopped her.

“This one’s on me, Anne.”

Their server nodded and bid them a good night before leaving.

“What? Wait, Anne!” She tried stopping her but her pleas fell on deaf ears. “I was supposed to treat you,” she grumbled lightly to Colin.

He shrugged. “How can I ask the mother of my child, Colin Jr, to pay for our date?”

She paused, blushing profusely. “Even if she dared to date someone else tonight?” she teased playfully.

He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, “Even when she tried to date someone else tonight. And might I add, she looks absolutely lovely tonight.”

Smooth like fucking butter. Her face must be red as a tomato right now, she reckoned. “Well, Colin Jr’s dad is not bad looking either.”

He beamed at her. She wanted to look away because he was too beautiful, it’s just not right. But he gently grasped her hand and asked softly, “Can I have your number? I really liked our time together and I really like you.”

“I like you too,” she replied, breathless.

He started leaning towards her, eyes locked on her lips. She did the same, magnetically slanting her body closer to his. Just when they were a fraction of an inch away, the kitchen door busted open with Anne bustling out.

“Boss, do you want-oops! My bad!” She retreated as fast as she came.

Damn it, Anne! Her scowl must have been a sight since he started chortling. He kissed the back of her hand reverently after to assuage her.

“Wait, she said boss?”

It was his turn to be sheepish. “I own this place.”

She blinked. That explained his intervention. “I clearly chose the wrong place to cheat on Colin Jr’s father.”

“I don’t know. I thought you were at the perfect place and time. I think I’m plenty lucky tonight,” he said sincerely.

She didn’t think she should voice out that if he kept on being sweet like that, he will get even luckier tonight. She only replied, “I’m glad.”

She exchanged numbers with him eagerly before bidding him a good night. But before she could step out from the restaurant, he gathered her in his arms and crashed his lips against hers. And it was magic and satisfaction and bliss and release all rolled into one. She clung to him, desperate against the tide of overwhelming emotions. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, she was completely swept away. It felt as if she would come undone with just a flick of his tongue. When they broke apart, they were gasping for air and sporting giddy grins.

“Good night, Colin,” she called out sweetly.

“Good night, Penelope.”

She didn’t sleep at all that night. The butterflies in her stomach were too flighty. And her excitement could not be abated, even as she knew she was attending a Bridgerton brunch the next day. She was groggy when she came in but a smile could not seem to leave her face.

Eloise pulled her aside to interrogate her about her Tinder date last night but the flurry of excitement filled the room. Everyone was enthusiastic for some reason. “The long lost Bridgerton is finally coming home. The prodigal son has returned,” Eloise said wryly. But Penelope detected her friend’s delight beneath all the sarcasm.

“Oh, that’s good,” she could not help but mirror her friend’s pleasant demeanor. She was already riding the high from last night. Another cause for celebration was just the cherry on top.

“Yeah, apparently he came back yesterday from Morocco in secret so he could surprise us. But Hyacinth still can’t keep her trap shut, ruining the surprise.”

“Morocco?”

It was then that she heard a familiar voice bellow out his greetings. She whipped her head fast and her eyes met his across the room. It was cliché but she would swear to anyone who would listen that at that moment, time slowed down. When their eyes met, it felt like nothing else mattered. And her heart leapt in anticipation as he crossed the sea of people to meet her.

“Penelope?”

“Colin.”

“You two know each other?” Eloise asked, awed.

She smiled brightly, eyes locked onto Colin. “Of course! We’ve been married, what…ten years now?”

He snickered harder upon seeing everyone’s bewildered faces. “Colin Jr missed you last night.”

Eloise interrupted again, “Is he talking about his dick?”

Penelope chose to ignore her friend now that Colin intertwined his hand with hers. “Did he now? I should go visit him some time.”

“I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic with your visit.”

“So how does tonight sound?” she asked, playful in her inquiry but nervous with his answer.

He kissed the back of her hand sweetly. “Perfect. I know a place. They serve the best Steak Diane.”

She laughed.

[parkers-gal]

i was watching justice league yesterday and just thought how amazing it would be to see ww! reader... maybe she helping the avengers in a scene like the one in london or save some of them with the shield or the lasso of truth or something like that, they are soooo impressed and peter falls in love instantly, but is insecure because doesn’t feel enough for a goddess (idk if you write for DC characters, but I would love to see you write something like this)

how did i not realize this was in my inbox??? hello this is so cute pls. 

okay major fun fact about me, tho: i used to be a REALLY big DC fan before i got into marvel… my flash obsession bye (but i got into marvel bc of DC so ty<3)

let’s pretend all the avengers were in this first movie <3 also forgive me bc i haven’t seen WW84 (also didnt watch the link until after i wrote this so sorry :( but it still works i hope??)

wc | 1.4k (sorry)

—

When you first came to London, it was just for a small case regarding spilled secrets between private spies and assassins. Now, though, you’re quite aware of the fact that the Avengers have another fight to finish.

You get the notification that something is going wrong at the art museum a few blocks away. Suiting up, you make your way over to the scene, but soon discover that the man from the news headlines — Loki, god of mischief — is currently fighting Captain American and IronMan.

You curse under your breath but try to find a way to enter the situation without making your arrival too public. You circle around a few times, observing the way Loki works and fights. You realize he’s duplicating just to try and keep a few hostages for publicity.

Spider-man and Black Widow are both helping citizens escape, allowing the other two Avengers to do all the heavy work. Tony uses some blasters from the suit to momentarily slow Loki, but he ends up getting angrier and throwing in a couple hits and blasts. Tony is thrown back, giving Cap the opportunity to throw in his own punches.

From your peripheral vision, you can see Clint, who’s flying the quinjet, telling Vision and Wanda to step out and help Spider-man.

Your attention is drawn back to Loki when Captain America throws the shield at him. Tony is on the floor, and Loki easily bounces the shield in another direction, unattainable to Cap.

Without hesitation, you catch the shield, the noise announcing your arrival. All eyes turn to you, powerful and ready to fight.

With all your might, you throw the vibranium weapon back to Captain America, who catches it in shock. You’re running towards Loki while doing this all, throwing in a couple punches before you're thrown backward. You flip, landing in an impressive position.

Weighing the possibilities, you decide to whip out the lasso. Nobody seems to be assisting you, so you decide to do your worst. Loki is taken by surprise; you’re slinging your rope until the lasso curls around his body and traps him against himself, forcing him to drop the scepter and answer any question thrown at him. The rope glows a golden hue, attracting the eyes of several other superheroes. They’re curious, and as you speak to them, they begin to understand.

You see movement stop as the scepter hits the floor with a clink. Loki struggles, rasping out a few staggered breaths and grunts. You need to gain leverage, so you wrap it around him once more before tightening your drip on the rope.

“Did she just-” “Kid, go get the scepter,” Stark shuts up Spider-man, giving orders. Hesitantly, he makes his way over to Loki, who’s surrounded by the golden glow of your lasso. He snatches the scepter, and Loki grunts, straining against the rope while Spider-man brings the weapon over to Tony.

“Do you know who that is?” Steve whispers to Tony and he shakes his head.

“I thought she was yours,” he whispers back. “Didn’t she fight in the war with you?”

“Not with me, but she fought… I think?”

“Who sent you?” You tighten the rope against him when he attempts to smile coily.

“Who wants to know?”

“Stand down,” Tony tells him, hand still pointed out.

“I have,” he smirks.

“Then why’re you still fighting my lasso?” You hold back a chuckle at his response, knowing he’s going to blurt some form of the truth.

“Because I need more time for a diversion.”

“Diversion? Tony, what’s he talking about?” Cap walks forward nervously.

Your grip on the rope tightens again and Loki’s face grows increasingly frustrated.

“New York,” he spits out. “What are you doing to me?!” He yells at you, and all at once, he yanks on the rope, pulling your forward and forcing you on to the floor. You’ve lost grip on the rope, and as you stand up, Loki is marching towards you with ready fists.

You bring your wrists together, in a haste to stop him. It’s so fast that nobody reacts, just merely watching you in your nature. The power from your wrists blasts Loki backwards, sending him flying towards the cement and eventually knocking him out.

You exhale, walking over to your rope, picking it up and reattaching it back to your waist. Wanda and Vision work on handcuffing the unconscious god, carrying him to the quinjet. The rest of the Avengers make their way over to you.

“Who are you?” Cap speaks first.

“Wonder Woman,” You state plainly, glancing from him to Tony to the boy in red spandex and then to Wanda, who’s approaching with Vision.

“Woah, so that’s the lasso…”

“Of truth,” you finish, smiling at the boy who knows of you. “Yeah.”

“Spider-man,” he introduces with a timid wave. “You were really great tonight.”

“Yeah, you were,” Tony agrees. “Would you mind coming with us to New York?”

“Is this about the PI assassin in east London?” You ask, uncuffing the metal from your wrists while stepping into the jet.

“You can just take that off?” Peter gasps.

“No, but you can tell me about that mission later,” Tony agrees. He unsuits, as do the rest of them. Cap removes his mask and places his shield in its rightful place. Tony loses the metal armor, and you watch as Spider-man removes the spandex mask (with Tony’s permission), revealing a messy mop of brown curls and a shy, boyish smile.

“I’m Peter,” he offers a handshake this time.

“Y/N,” you reply, shaking his hand. “Are you new here?”

He ponders the question, “Mr. Stark recruited me six months ago. I’m still in high school.”

You nod, “Me too.”

His eyes go wide, “You’re still in high school? And you get to do all this superhero work?”

“I have enhanced abilities so learning is kinda… easy?”

He nods in understanding. “I’m sure Mr. Stark will love that.”

“Kid, leave the girl alone.”

“Actually, i’m not a girl,” you assure him. “I’m from Themyscira, an island of the Amazon, home to the goddess warriors. I’m a descendent of the royal and the gods.” You pause to chuckle at the bewildered faces of the Avengers. “I’m a demigod, and a princess.”

Clint laughs, smacking Peter’s back shoulder. “Good luck getting that one, kid.”

Peter rolls his eyes but takes a seat as the quinjet takes off. He receives a few more teasing remarks, but you try to pay no mind to them. You notice, though, he’s chosen the seat that offers no opening for you, so you take a seat in the corner beside Wanda, striking up a conversation with the telekinesis.

You land in New York in less than an hour, and as you follow the group into the building, you run up to Peter.

“Hey, y’know, just because I’m a demigod doesn’t mean I’m not normal.”

“Yeah, but you’re…” There’s a hopeful glint in his eyes despite his tone being a little disappointed. “A princess.”

“And you’re Spider-man.”

“And you’re Wonder Woman, who’s a princess and a demigod.”

You chuckle, “Yeah, but you’re pretty cute.”

He goes beat red at the compliment, and the two of you continue the conversation into the facility.

Tony calls for you, and you realize you’ll have to leave Peter for a little while. Before you run off, though, you whisper something only he can hear.

“You’d be a prince, y’know.”

He goes red again, scratching his neck while he watches you run off in Tony’s direction.

[folkloreguk]

Daylight (m)

A/N: SOFTNESS WARNING!!! Also idk if anyone does this but in case you want to listen to music whilst reading, I named this after Taylor Swift’s Daylight because it’s one of my favorite songs in the whole world!

words: ~ 3.1 k 

genre: smut, optional bias (male) x reader (female), just some wholesome love-making

[H/N means ‘his name’]

You had always liked driving at nighttime. Especially, when you weren’t the one behind the steering wheel. You could look out the window, watching the lit houses, admiring the decorations and searching for the moon in the sky. That night, though, heavy clouds were hovering above the whole city, so you diverted your attention to the young man driving the car, sitting next to you.

The two of you had been together for long enough, so even sitting and driving in silence had become completely comfortable to you. Soft music was playing from the speakers as you wondered how you had gotten so lucky.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked, smirking, but keeping his eyes on the road.

“Just because I can,” you said, lost in thoughts. His smile was so handsome as he chuckled at your answer.

“If you keep being this cute, I might have to take the long way home,” he said. “Because I don’t want to let you go yet.”

“We can go on another date tomorrow. I wouldn’t mind,” you spoke. He grinned.

“I’d make fun of you for being obsessed with me,” he said, “But then I’d have to make fun of myself too.”

When you looked at him it really hit you. You were completely and utterly in love with him. His eyes sparkled in the dark as if they held the entire galaxy in them. Countless times you felt yourself getting lost in them while you watched him speak. His entire being had become a second home to you, and whenever you saw his arms and shoulders you wanted nothing more than to be close to him and have him hold you. You adored listening to him talk. He often argued as though his stories weren’t that exciting, but you would always fight that. The sound of his voice when he told you about his day had easily become your favorite song in the world. Everything he did only made you more attracted to him, so much it sometimes overwhelmed you. It made your chest feel so full and warm, knocked the breath out of your lungs and made you smile until your cheeks hurt. And even now, you were grinning to yourself.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you realized the raindrops on the car’s window. It might have been winter, but there was no snow in sight. Instead, with time the rain only seemed to become heavier. Within the next minute even the windscreen wipers were struggling to get rid of all the water.

As you were caught up in watching the raindrops run down the window glass, you barely noticed him pulling up in the street in front of your home. You gazed at him after he had turned off the engine.

“Don’t even think about going out in the rain now,” he warned you. “You’ll be drenched within seconds and I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“Yes sir,” you joked. “What if it doesn’t stop for an hour?”

“I guess our date will be an hour longer then. Have you never had a date in a car?”

“I guess it’s kinda romantic,” you said. “With the rain.”

He smiled at your words and your heart fluttered because he was finally looking you in the eyes after driving for so long. First, you stared into his dark eyes, then your attention slowly diverted to his lips. His perfect lips. He must had noticed, because he leaned across to your seat a little. You met him halfway there, closing your eyes.

You had kissed before, of course. But he never failed to make your head spin with a few simple touches. His tongue, that softly swiped over your bottom lip and his hands, only luring you closer by touching your neck and cheeks, were your absolute weakness.

Not one cell in your body wanted him to leave yet. You suddenly felt very thankful towards the dark clouds that had covered the moon. Instead, they had brought you more time with your lover. The kiss had started out innocently, but soon both of you were breathing heavily against each other’s lips, and your hands became touchier with every moment. Strong rain was still falling, knocking onto the roof of the car in the darkness.

“Sit in my lap,” he suddenly said. As much as you had wanted to do just that, you pulled away and looked at him.

“H/N, there’s houses all around us,” you said, worried some of your neighbors would see. “But…we could run into my house.”

He seemed to rethink his previous words, when he had told you that you would catch a cold if you ran inside.

“We could do that,” he smirked. You returned his smile, gripping the door handle from inside. Slowly, you counted from one to three as he did the same as you. Then, you opened the door.

The suddenly loud noise of the downpour startled you, but you only grabbed your bag and then quickly started running. Behind you, he was laughing, catching up to you when you had reached your front door. He was hugging you from behind, trying to shelter your head from the rain by holding up a side of his jacket.

But it was no use. Both of you were soaked when you finally had opened the door. Hastily, you shed off your shoes and ran to get towels from the bathroom.

“I might as well take off all my clothes now,” he said, walking after you into the living room. You turned your head, rising your eyebrows at him. By his expression, you could tell he had waited for your reaction already. Although the short break from kissing had distracted you, the moment you thought about his lips on yours, your hunger had returned.

Without a word, you took his hand and dragged him after you. He was grinning sheepishly when you entered your bedroom but gained his confidence back quickly.

“How would you feel if I took off your clothes instead?” you asked, your lips inches from his. There were raindrops on the tip of his nose and on his cheeks.

“It would be an honor,” he joked, touching your sides. His lips were still cold from the rain when you kissed him, and his hair was drenched when you ran your hands through it. He pulled you closer, your bodies touching, making you feel as though he might have been able to feel your heart beat as fast as it did. When you touched his hips, lifting the material of his shirt, he let out a small groan. For a moment he pulled away and let you pull it over his head.

You had seen him shirtless before, but never in this kind of situation. The farthest you had gone was making out. Neither of you was new to sex, but still, you had never gone there with him. And knowing you were probably about to, made your stomach flip in excitement.

“How did I get this lucky?” you asked, not thinking about your words. You knew you could be honest and yourself with him.

“I should be the one asking this question,” he asked, before kissing you passionately. The butterflies in your belly mixed with neediness when he slipped his hands under your shirt. You let him take it off. His hands were all over you as he reconnected your lips, the kiss now messier. He was holding your sides as he softly nudged you towards your bed. You took a few steps and he followed you, his body pressed against yours.

“Let’s get rid of these first,” you said, your hands going to the front of your pants and unzipping them. “I don’t want to get the rainwater all over my bed.”

He chuckled and followed your example. When you sat down on the edge of your bed, you felt weirdly insecure being in your underwear in front of him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, as if he could read your mind. Then he bent down to your level, kissing you deeply. At the same time, you leaned back, so he hovered over you and you lay down against your pillows. His lips brushed over your jaw, before gently kissing your neck. A small moan slipped over your lips at the sensation. He was touching your hips so delicately, as if he was handling the most precious thing in the world.

Then, his hands wandered higher, making you lift your upper body, so he could open the back of your bra and take it off. His lips, which had been kissing past your collar bones, now went lower, while his hands toyed with your breasts, thumbs running over your nipples. You whimpered, your hands grabbing his hair. 

“I love the way you sound,” he spoke, his breath hot against your skin, only adding to the pleasure you were feeling. At that, you only let out a dragged-out moan, because one of his hands had slipped between your legs. You spread them further, while his finger ghosted over your underwear, barely touching you. He seemed to like seeing your reaction, even to his small actions. His lips felt like flower petals touching you on your belly, down to your hips. When they were hovering just above where your underwear started, your hips bucked up slightly.

Softly, he chuckled and pushed your hips down with his hands. Slowly, his fingers ran down your sides and linked into the material of your underwear. But just as you thought he was going to pull it down he took some more time to kiss the insides of your thighs.

“How can you be so perfect?” he asked. You were about to answer, but he softly placed a kiss on your center. Your underwear separated his lips from your skin, and yet you sucked in a breath.

“I’m not perfect,” you said. He pulled aside your underwear.

“I think you are. So, so perfect,” he said, and then his tongue licked a thin stripe up your folds. He hummed at the taste and you pushed your head back into the sheets, moaning in pleasure. He teased your entrance with his digits, but then he had other plans. As he detached his face from your center you lifted your hips, helping him to take off your underwear completely.

With almost pleading eyes you looked at him so he would keep doing what he was doing. His expression told you, there was no reason for you to beg for anything. He would do whatever you needed him to do. Just for another few seconds he kissed the insides of your thighs, making you squeal a little whenever he came close to your center. He chuckled lightly, probably finding your reaction adorable. But he preferred your moans over your squeals.

So, he finally reconnected his lips with your center. This time, he didn’t take his time as much as before. His tongue pressed against your clit before sucking gently. Right away, he drew out another moan from you.

“Right there,” you let him know, sighing.

Sure, one-night stands were fun. But in that moment, you realized they were nothing in comparison to this. Having the person you loved most in the world laying between your legs, butterflies raging in your belly while your eyes rolled to the back of your head from how good he made you feel – nothing would ever get close to this sort of serenity. You softly ran your hand through his hair, before letting them rest on your sides.

He intertwined one of his hands with yours, the gesture only making you feel luckier. In that moment, time could have stopped – or maybe it did – you only had attention for him either way. It was just the two of you in your bedroom, no sign of anyone else or any other places you ever wanted to go.

You had never been able to let go of everything else on your mind like you were able to in that moment. Slowly, your hips moved against his mouth, while your eyes shut to focus even more. His tongue hit just the right spots after you had let him know what you liked through your moans.

But you wanted even more of him. You wanted to feel his skin against yours and his heartbeat right above your heart. You wanted to kiss him again and again and have him inside of you.

“H/N”, you said. “Come here, I want you.”

You beckoned him with your eyes and he smiled, his lips glossy and dark pink. He kissed his way up your stomach and chest, and when you felt as if you should have become impatient, you experienced the complete opposite. You loved how he took his time. If it had been up to you, this moment would have lasted for an eternity longer.

His nose touched yours just for a second, before he kissed your lips again. His tongue touched yours, not eagerly and yet leaving you breathless and hungry for more.

“In the bedside table,” you whispered against his lips and they curled into a smile. You waited patiently as he retrieved the condom and shed off his underwear to roll it on. His member stood against his abs and your stomach twisted in excitement and anticipation. When he bent down to your level again, you spread your legs so he could lay between them.

“Are you okay?” he asked, making sure you were comfortable. The question left your chest feeling warm and your head feeling fuzzy. You nodded, reaching down between the two of you and wrapping your hand around his shaft. He hissed when you moved your hand up and down a few times. Gently, you guided him to your core. He was holding himself up on his elbows on each side of your head when he pushed his hips into yours. You whimpered at how good he felt inside of you. Although your body wanted nothing more than for him to pick up the pace, push your body into the pillows and make you see stars, in that moment your pleasure didn’t even feel so important.

As he slowly thrusted into you, his brows furrowed in concentration. Delicately, you touched the side of his face, watching the stars in his eyes sparkle just for you. He looked at you like he could barely believe that you were his.

“I love you,” he said. It took a few seconds for your reaction to set in, because your mouth opened while you blinked at him without words. Of course, you were utterly in love with him, but you had never said it to each other up to this point.

“I love you too,” you said. Your smile lasted a second before he kissed you again. A small moan slipped past your lips when he hit the sweet spot inside of you, but it was muffled against his mouth. He tasted like home to you. Neither of you fought for dominance, your tongues dancing around each other. You loved the way your moans sounded when they mixed with his, and the way his hot breath fanned against your skin.

“You feel so good,” you said, to which he only deepened the kiss. Lazily, you closed your legs around his waist, wanting him as close as you possibly could, even though there was no way he could have been any closer than he was at that moment. The skin of his chest was hot on yours and you noticed every time he breathed in and out.

Instinctively, he was moving a little faster now, hands softly stroking your breasts and sides. With his forehead leaned against yours, you gazed into his eyes, barely able to keep them open for longer than a few seconds.

“Are you close?” he asked. You hummed and nodded, which was all you could do due to the way you were biting your lip. You whimpered when you felt his fingers on your clit. He rubbed quick circles onto the sensitive nub, causing your mouth to fall open, your head pushed into the pillow.

He sucked on the sensitive spot on your neck, only adding to how amazing you felt. Usually, you weren’t one to show off your hickeys, but with him you didn’t mind at all. You used to think love was a secret between two people. Now, all you wanted to do was to show the whole world how lucky you had become. You tugged on his hair softly, knowing from previous make-out-sessions how much he liked it. In response, he moaned your name quietly, and you felt the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening at the simple sound of his voice.

His thrusts were becoming sloppier and his hand drawing figure eights on your center was now making you breathless. As much as you wanted him to see in your eyes how you felt – how good he was making you feel – there was no way you could force your eyelids to stay open anymore.

“I’m gonna cum,” he moaned. You nodded, silently telling him ‘me too’.

His last thrusts were quick and messy, but they pushed you over the edge too. He reached his high a little before you did, but he never stopped moving his fingers, even when his sensitivity set in and his hips slowed down. He had almost stopped thrusting when you clenched your legs around him. A high whimper fell off your lips and your back arched off the mattress, pressing your chest against his even tighter. After another few seconds, you grabbed his wrist, signaling him he could slow down now. After he had pulled out, he hovered above you for a while, catching his breath. You grabbed the back of his neck to pull him down, his lips soft on yours. Where before there had been fiery passion, a composed tranquility came over you.

Probably physically tired, he rolled over to lay next to you and you turned to him. When you rested your head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, he moved your hair out of your eyes. There were a million things you could tell him, and simultaneously nothing you needed to say in that moment. Gently, you turned your head to place a kiss on his skin. Before you would have to go back to reality, you felt it was best to simply lay in comfortable silence. With every rise and fall of his chest your eyelids grew heavier. Eventually, you gave in to the urge, drifting off to a peaceful slumber.

[adviceformefromme]

So this guy and I flirted back and forth and exchanged numbers a few months ago. He’s currently in another state working. 3 hour time difference behind mine. We hit each other up like once a week at least but lately convos been short and I’m over texting so I told him hey been thinking of you call me later and HE NEVER DID!! smh. We talked about meeting up and going out with each other (he still hasn’t come yet) mind you i’ve been in a situation like this before (years ago) flirting with a guy and then he just pops up with a gf after leading me on for months. So with this new guy told me he liked me like twice now and the first time I was just like I like you too , but the second time I’m like ok.. whatever you say and idk if that like.. scared him off but he’s been distanced since that and now my mind is racing to the worst case scenario. Plus before I deleted my instagram to focus on school I saw him comment “❤️” under two different womens pics 🙂 and I never brought that up to him but that’s the main reason why I responded that way when he told me he liked me like the second time. Granted he’s single and can do what he wants so hey what can I say right? One of the women doesn’t follow him (insta model or something) but one does (some random woman from another state too) 👀 We aren’t exclusive, and I’m not sure it’s headed in that direction but you know most men would distance themselves if they knew I was still going on dates and talking to them which is lame cause they do what they want in the beginning. I’m cool with it because we are both single I just don’t like to feel .. lead on. Def don’t like to be treated a way off of his assumptions of what he thinks I do when he’s not around. He brought up “not being able to trust anyone” and I’m like alright…This situation is triggering me to thinking about my last that went sour and I’m def not bringing up the comment he made under those pictures we never discussed exclusitivity and hardly know each other well enough to even take it there. My heart isn’t crushed but I’m not into casual dating at this point in my life. Should I friendzone him for good or just until he shows himself to be serious/a man of his word? Or do you feel like he’s already displaying untrustworthy behavior? Not sure if my anxiety is making me overthink or if it’s really him 😭😭. He’s three years older than me btw. (27/28) like dude should know what to do and how to behave when approaching a women by now.

Hey sweetie, it sounds like a lot of overthinking and energy surrounding a man who is not your man. Let him go! When a man wants you, the signs are clear, there is no second guessing. This is not to say this man does not like you, but he's not giving you that energy that we want, the energy that doesn't leave us second guessing, the energy that distracts us from our growth and progression in life. We can't be out in these streets wasting our PRECIOUS energy questioning why a man isn't messaging back, why he is liking other gals pics. No sweetie, we have no time to be feeling insecure about a man's actions. My DMs are open if you want more support/ coaching but my advice is simply let this man go and bring the energy back to you. Focusing on showing up everyday as your very best self, healing any wounds that are allowing you to attract unavailable men, working on that little voice in your head that might be putting you down instead of empowering you. 💕

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 1 (Nessian)

Nesta’s part of the Damnation Series.

OOF this took so long sorry. I rewrote it, changed it, then deleted it entirely about 9 times. I literally started writing the version before you, from scratch, on Sunday. All parts are linked below, so I’m only tagging people on this version! To go to the next chapter, there is also a link at the bottom <3

ALSO, an important caviat: Nesta is an only child in this one! I originally wrote it for her to be adopted and not know it, but it wasn’t really relevant to the story, so... idk. Just ignore that plot hole I guess.

Parts 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 -- pls like each part I’m insecure

______________________________________________

~Cassian~

“You’re getting married.”

The glass of bourbon halfway to my mouth pauses, because despite being known for being rash and unpredictable, even I’m surprised by the sudden change in conversation.

My eyebrows raise as I look over at Rhysand, my best friend and Capo, trying to figure out if this bastard is serious. His tone says he is, but that doesn’t make sense, because before a few seconds ago, the word “marriage” was in neither of our vocabularies.

He’s been single for as long as I have, although I’m starting to suspect he’s got a bird in the city. He’s too damn happy these days, and the other day I saw him laugh at something on his phone.

Which is weird, because we both know long-term commitments don’t really do well with our lifestyle.

We were raised to not give a shit about anything except the job. We kill without remorse, live in the shadows, and whatever other shitty euphemism you want to use. Settling down in some suburban, picket-fence prison has absolutely no appeal to Made Men.

Don’t get me wrong, most of us get married at some point. But never for love.

Some men choose a bride that’s pretty and sweet. Someone who will donate to charity and help clean up their image. Governors’ daughters, women from old-money families, and social princesses make up this category.

Some men marry to advance their station in the Family. Second sons who will never inherit the business marry daughters of Underbosses to get a nice boost to their status.

And then there’s the ones who are forced to marry by their capo--ie. me-- so they choose whatever attractive woman that’s in the Family and available. Those are always the happiest.

But regardless of the reasoning, marriage in the mafia is heartless, political, and for me, unnecessary.

I know I’ll have to pick someone eventually, but there aren’t a whole lot of desirable options at the moment. Not many of the other Underbosses have daughters that are over the age of fifteen right now, and I have no interest in doing the child-bride thing.

Plus, there’s no way I’d marry someone outside of the family. At my rank, it isn’t an option.

That leaves... a widow?

The only one I know is Ianthe, and considering I highly suspect she killed her last husband and the fact that she’s crazy, there’s no way in hell I’d legally bind myself to her for life.

So he must be joking.

I take a pull from my cigar and look over at Rhys with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Sure. To who, exactly?”

“Volchonok.”

The Wolf Cub.

The cigar snaps in my fingers.

“You’re fucking kidding,” I say, honestly hoping that’s the case. He’s either that or insane, and I’d hate to lock someone who’s like a brother to me in a padded room.

Rhysand’s unflinching gaze doesn’t change, but his tone morphs from that of my friend to my boss. “You will marry her, Cassian.”

“She’s a fucking Russian,” I spit, not understanding. That should be reason enough for him to be joking.

In our world, being Russian is a crime similar to stabbing the Pope.

We’ve been at war over New York with them ever since they decided to try and get a stronghold on the east coast, and I’ve killed more of them than I can fucking count. Now I’m marrying one?

“Yes, she is, and so is her father, Alexei Olov.” Aka the Bratva Boss responsible for blowing up half of St. Petersburg last year when the local police refused to buy his weapons. “You will marry her, move to New York full time, and run the city with her by your side.”

“Why? Two or three more years, and we’ll have the city anyway.” Every day the Russians get weaker, and I’ve been responsible for pushing them out of my city block by block.

So there has to be a reason we’re suddenly okay with the enemy.

Rhysand sighs. “It was his idea, not mine. Orlov has agreed to sell our coke in Moscow and Seattle instead of his usual dealer and will supply us all the weapons we need for five years. There will also be no more midnight raids, bullshit arrests on bullshit charges, or missing shipments. He’s offering you a dowry, too.”

I don’t need his money, but the old fashioned term makes me laugh.

“Yeah? And how much does he think his wolf cub is worth?”

His lips twitch. “Ten million.”

“She must be a real pain in the ass, then, if he’s going to pay me that much to take her,” I chuckle.

Not that ten million dollars is anything but pocket change for the man. Orlov may be losing the fight in New York, but the bastard is richer than sin. 

Selling arms to half of the entire world will do that to a person.

“I hear she’s beautiful,” he says, trying to tempt me to not fight him.

“Then you marry her,” I shoot back, not ready to give up the argument.

“I don’t feel like it.” Fucking typical. Rhysand sighs. “You and I both know we can work this deal to our advantage, so what will make you say yes?”

He could order to me to say yes and I’d have to, but he hates enforcing that kind of authority with me.

So I think it over, make a show of lighting a new cigar. “I want Sera.”

It’s a burlesque club in New York I’ve always been a little envious of, owned by Orlov and operated by his men. I’d tried to buy it a few years back but hadn’t had enough leverage on the Russian to strongarm him into selling.

Now I do.

Rhysand--the only one who knows about my failed attempt to buy the place--nods and tells me he’ll make it happen.

“When’s all this happening, anyway?”

He looks like he might laugh. “Wedding is in a month, but she’s flying in tomorrow night.”

A quick laugh forces its way out of me. Also typical of him to give me absolutely no time to change my mind.

Well, I have a month. That’s already longer than any relationship I’ve ever had. 

Sighing, I stand and shake his hand, cementing the deal before I can even lament the loss of my bachelorhood.

~Nesta~

“Chto sluchilos?”

I slide my gaze to my father, because seriously, that’s the stupidest fucking question I’ve ever heard. 

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Everything.

“Nichego,” I lie, assuring him for what feels like the tenth time as I look out the window. The plane picks up speed and lifts off, taking me towards an uncertain future, an uncertain place.

I might have told him nothing’s wrong, but inside, I’m screaming.

Three days ago, I woke up to find a marriage contract on the pillow beside me. There was a blank space where my name had been typed and a pen waiting for me to remedy that.

I still haven’t.

I’m not signing anything until I meet this... Cassian. 

God, what an Italian name.

An image springs to mind, one of a slumped-over, hairy-chest beast with slicked back hair and a gold chain. 

I know it’s stereotypical and hopefully incorrect, but I’ve never been to Italy and Alexei strictly forbids me watching movies that portray Italians as anything except revolting. 

But looks aside, there’s one thing I don’t need to guess to know. 

My future husband will be like all the other men in my life: controlling.

Men in the world I live in take what they want, don’t ask for permission, and feel like they’re entitled to anything and everything. I’ve dealt with it my entire life, so it’s more amusing than anything at this point.

I guess I’m a bit non-traditional in that sense, considering most of the women around me have no problems taking orders from their fathers or husbands. But Alexei and I figured out pretty early in life that wasn’t going to work for me.

As he frequently likes to tell me, I started telling him to fuck off when I was five.

What did he expect? All the kids I hung out with were the opposite sex and at least five years older than me, so my vocabulary and mannerisms became pretty... colorful early on.

Regardless, I’m just not looking forward to having to deal with yet another man who thinks he can control me.

“Ty vresh',” Alexei accuses, lips twitching. You’re lying. 

“Konechno.” Of course. 

Of course I’m upset, but I understand what’s happening. I might have found out about it three days ago, but I’ve known it was coming for far longer.

As the only child of the great Alexei Orlov, Wolf of Moscow and Pakhan of the Russian Bratva, I’ve been told my entire life that I will one day be used as a pawn to gain more power.

It would--should--piss me off, but I’ve also been told I’m to one day take my father’s place and run his company.

So by gaining more power for him, I’m also doing the same for myself.

Not that I really give a shit about that kind of thing. I started officially working for Alexei years ago, and I already have enough money saved to never have to work again. 

But in the Bratva, there’s no getting out. I was put in this world by birth, and the only thing that will take me out is death. 

In case it isn’t obvious, I’m not a typical business woman. 

My father is an arms-dealer. 

A less than legal one, if you believe the heinous lies the media spreads about him.

He sells weapons to governments, private armies, and whoever the fuck else has the money to buy. 

He’s also built himself a shipping empire to haul said weapons around the globe, runs the drugs and prostitute rings in Moscow, and has enough real estate to rival most small countries.

It probably sounds like I don’t care, and that’s because I don’t. 

I like what I do in the sense that I have a mind for business. I went to business school and graduated at the top of my class, and I enjoy running the clubs and hotels I have. Trained by Alexei himself, I’m ruthless in negotiations, enough so that people started calling me the Wolf Cub by the time I was twenty. 

But despite being good at it, I’m not particularly fond of the aspect most people think of when they picture my career in the Bratva. I detest drugs, have never hired a prostitute, and don’t really enjoy selling arms to bad people. 

The alleyway meetups, the broken bones and bullet holes, and the blown up houses are all a little tiring to me.

Sure, it sounds exciting. And for a while, it was. I used to lose myself in the chaos, used to enjoy coming home with busted knuckles. But I honestly just got tired of it.

Right now, I don’t have to deal with it as much because Alexei’s still alive. But when he dies and I officially take over the family business, I’ll have to be more involved. Even if the thought makes me want to sigh.

I pull out my laptop and look over the financial report for Sera, my newest club in New York. As predicted, everything’s running smoothly. 

I turn the laptop around to show my father, grinning when he pulls out his reading glasses and leans closer. 

“Starik,” I tease. Old man. 

He flicks my forehead, then reads the report and nods. Then he turns to his phone, probably playing Angry Birds or some shit, and leaves me to work.

The plane ride goes by quickly, and by the time we’ve landed in Chicago, I’ve gotten ahead on my schedule for next week, slept, and changed into what I’ve chosen as the “meeting my future husband” dress.

It’s simple and sleek, the black material clinging to my curves without being obscene. It’s long enough to hide the holster on my thigh, not that I feel in any danger with four personal guards stationed near me at all times.

My heels click as I make my way down the plane stairs and across the tarmac to the waiting sedan, and once my luggage and belongings are unloaded, we head to the Italian Capo’s house.

We’re meeting here, finalizing the contract, and then Cassian and I are flying to New York. 

My new home.

“Try to look happy,” Alexei tells me, his heavily accented English almost ridiculous to hear. He speaks English only when he’s in the states, and considering he hasn’t come here since I graduated B school two years ago, he’s a little out of practice.

“I’m ecstatic,” I say, intentionally using a word I know he doesn’t understand.

His eyes narrow, because it isn’t the first time I’ve used this trick, but he doesn’t call me out on it. We continue to ride in ecstatic silence, eventually pulling up in front of the Capo’s... house.

It’s almost obscene to call it that, considering it’s fucking huge. Like obnoxiously huge.

I heave a sigh, step out of the car, and take in my surroundings. The neighborhood’s quiet, likely filled with friends of the Cosa Nostra too scared to make any noise. 

A butler--seriously, a butler--opens the door and welcomes us inside, and as soon as I step in, I have to repress the urge to roll my eyes.

The amount of dirty money in the air is suffocating. It drips off the vaulted ceilings, down the artwork on the walls, across the marble floors. It’s in the little details of the crystal chandeliers and the mahogany staircase. 

Ridiculous.

One look at Alexei’s disgusted face says he’s thinking the same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re rich. Grossly so. Alexei could have ten houses just like this, if he wanted them.

But he doesn’t. He owns property all over the world, but most of it is commercial or apartment complexes--property that makes him money, in other words. This, however, is a massive waste of capital. 

The butler leads us further through the house and into an office where four men wait. 

One is immediately identifiable as their lawyer, his over-priced cologne making me have to resist the urge to sneeze. The humongous man in the corner is hired muscle, if the boxy shape of the guns under his jacket is any indication.

The man behind the desk is obviously in charge, so I’m guessing he’s the Capo. Rhysand or Rhyland or something weird like that. He takes me in silently, bright eyes not seeming to miss any details. 

That leaves the man leaning against the desk to be Cassian Azara.

My fiancé. 

Our eyes meet, his golden gaze beautiful and wild, and I have to remember to keep my expression bored. 

Because the stereotype, the horrible image I’d conjured up in my mind, couldn’t be further from the truth.

For one, he isn’t hunched-over. He stands tall, leaning a hip against his Capo’s desk with obvious confidence. But I see more than just self-assuredness in his eyes. He seems a little too rough around the edges, wild gaze almost like he’s daring someone to swing at him. 

If the confidence didn’t already make him attractive, his looks sure as hell get the job done.

His hairs long and dark and curly, half of it pulled up in a rouge manner that clashes with the suit he’s filling. He has a few days’ stubble, too, like standing still long enough to shave just isn’t an option. 

His shoulders are impossibly wide, narrowing down to trim hips and legs long enough to make him tower over everyone in the room. 

His knuckles are tattooed and split open, and there’s a cut above his eyebrow that tells me I was correct to assume he’s a fighter by nature. 

Usually, that would be a deterrent for me, but there’s something about the way he’s dressed in a dark suit jacket and crisp white shirt while also looking so untamed that has me cocking my head to study him some more. 

He studies me, too, beautiful eyes taking in the long blonde hair and bright blue eyes offset by pale skin. He looks at the dress like he can see everything underneath, and I have the strangest urge to blush. Jesus, he’s toxic.

He’s attractive, is what I’m getting at.

Which is not what I had planned on, considering I’d been trying to think of a plan on how to not sleep with him, but suddenly that’s all my mind can focus on.

His lips twitch like he knows what I’m thinking, and I realize we’ve just been standing here staring at each other for a bit too long.

So I turn back to Alexei and shrug like I’ve seen what my future husband has to offer and aren’t impressed in the slightest. 

I toss the marriage contract on the desk, grab the Capo’s fancy little fountain pen out of his hand, and sign my name on the blank above my name. 

Cassian watches, but I ignore him entirely until the ink has dried. Then I look up at him through my lashes and wink, turn on my heel, and leave the room.

~Cassian~

I think I’m in love.

Fuck.

She hasn’t said a single goddamn word, but the way she looked at me has me feeling itchy all over, anticipation and nerves rolling through me. I feel like I feel before I fight or something exciting happens.

Like I’m primed and ready and need it to happen now. 

Nesta Orlov, my bride to be, is nothing like I expected. 

I was fully braced for some meek little woman, similar to most of my friends’ wives, to come in and smile and say hello. 

But nope. Nesta didn’t smile; she came in like she was walking onto a battlefield. 

And she didn’t smile. She looked me over, clinical blue gaze noticing too much, and left me feeling winded. God, she’s beautiful. Just looking at her made me hot.

She also didn’t say hello. 

Just signed the contract and left, like this was nothing more to her than a boring business deal. I mean, that’s what it is, but... I don’t know, I expected more of a reaction. 

I’ve heard from some Underbosses that their wives cried or raged when they were forced to sign, but shit if that were the case with Nesta. She honest to God looked like she didn’t care.

Alexei, on the other hand, does look a little pissed about the situation, but I couldn’t care less of the old man’s opinion. He’s signed the contract, so to me, he’s irrelevant. Regardless, he and Rhys proceed to iron out some of the details about the wedding and other shit I’m not paying attention to.

Then they shake hands, and the Russian warlord turns to leave. 

He reaches the door and looks over his shoulder at me, and there’s amusement in his cold gaze as he mutters, “Udachi.” Good luck. 

As soon as he’s gone, Roman and the lawyer follow, leaving me alone with Rhys. 

He slides the contract to me, and I sign my name next to hers, making this shit official. 

“This should be interesting,” he comments, vague as usual. 

I sigh, because I have a feeling interesting isn’t going to cover it. 

_____________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

Tags: @elorcan-trash @januarystears @emikadreams @sjm-things @santas-dwynwen @thebitchupstairs @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @masstrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

[rainbowsky]

Another delicate thing about fake ships. (I'm not talking about our YiZhan. They are real. For better or worse certain (dangerous) evidence have reached public eyes. We all know it, many have seen it). But certain ppl new to c dramas might not know that actor CP is just part of the show. I didn't know when I started. Then those people invest a lot of time $ and emotion into that CP believing it's real. And get the rug pulled from under. It's unfair to those naive ppl and it harms certain ppl. Like it or not some get really invested. To hurt them is cruel and triggering. It can feel like rejection and I really wish actors wouldn't partake in this. To profit off ppl's beliefs is cruel. Again. NOT yizhan, two men in a very real situation.

These are in reference to a previous post. More under cut.

Discussion of fake ships, fandom rivalries and insecurities around whether BJYXSZD.

Anonymous asked:

Semi agree that I don't follow other CP. but when others do fake cp and claim "evidence" even when it is flimsy. It makes me question myself and I hate that. There's so much hard evidence for xz and web. When others have "evidence" too and it seems so forced and fake, not to mention copied from yizhan, idk it makes me feel bad. Like maybe we're all crazy. I wish other dramas didn't do that. Be real. Don't fake it. The other men have gf's. It's just derivative and I think that's why ppl get offended. Web and xz seem serious about their life together and for others to profit of their realness... It just makes me question it. If we have evidence and those fans truly believe they do too... Either we are all right, or maybe we are all wrong. And I hate to deny web and xz. So it's hurtful. I hope someone can understand my feelings.

Sorry for the grouping of messages but I don't want to give this too much airtime because it can lead to hurt feelings from people who support other ships, and because this isn't what my blog is about. It's about GG and DD.

I try not to judge anyone harshly when it comes to fan service and CP marketing. It's a cutthroat industry and I think we can all see that. But I feel that making a CP seem real just to profit off of people for a while and then breaking their hearts... it's not something I personally feel comfortable with. It strikes me as unnecessarily cruel.

However, we don't know what's in people's contracts so we should be careful about judging anyone or being nasty. In the end people are just doing their jobs, whether we like it or not. And some fans enjoy it. Live and let live.

As for other actors being 'derivative' of GGDD, I completely disagree. It's not like GG and DD invented the CP. The whole concept was there long before them, and will likely be there long after. Even in cases where there were similarities to what GG and DD did, I don't think it's something to get worked up about. We don't own GG and DD's interactions as some sort of IP we need to protect.

I said this back when people were fan fighting over the BL CPs, that it's ridiculous and awful to fight over something like this. We should all be on the same side. BL stories are not easy to create or air in China - we all know that more now than we did back then - and the more BL stories that get aired, the better for everyone. The better for the market, the better for fans, the better for queer people too.

History has shown that cultural shifts can lead to legislative shifts. As queer stories become more mainstream, the demand for rights - and the public's appetite for seeing those rights observed - becomes stronger, and positive change happens. It is, in fact, likely a big part of why these types of stories are being cracked down on. Some people don't want that change.

If we care about these issues we would do well to support all BL projects and everyone who is willing to stick their neck out and make those projects happen, not just our particular biases.

Not only that, but fan wars are harmful to GG and DD, harmful to any celebrity whose fans are 'out of control'. I have been preaching this for a couple of years now, but here we are in 2021 and what have we seen? Artists being cracked down on for the behavior of their fans. Rules coming out to clearly state this, hinting at harsh penalties.

So please, people - take it to heart. There is no war that you don't CHOOSE to create. This isn't a competition. There is room for everyone to have fun, be happy and enjoy their fandoms in whatever way they choose.

Everyone has the right to their perspective. I said this the other day. No one is obligated to believe BJYXSZD, and similarly, no one is obligated to disagree or debunk. If people are enjoying their CP, that's their right. Let's not get smug and dickish about things. We aren't in competition.

One other thing I want to add: We should be willing to question ourselves, question our evidence and re-evaluate things from time to time. It's just part of being a rational human. Insecurity about what is 'real' and what isn't - all of this is pointless and IMNSHO, unhealthy.

Bad feelings should never make us into bad people. Bad feelings should never make us do or say bad things.

Insecurity is understandable at times. We're all human. But I urge fans to try not to take everything so personally, and to not get our identities as human beings wrapped up in whether BJYXSZD.

Whether GG or DD are real or not - this doesn't make me crazy or stupid or naive. I believe based on the evidence I have. If I turn out to be wrong about it - ME, who has this blog and spends an enormous amount of time on GGDD - if it turns out to all be wrong, my life won't shatter. I won't curl up in an embarrassed ball and die.

I get a hell of a lot of enjoyment out of this fandom. That enjoyment is real. My love for GGDD is real. I am a person in the world. I don't live and die over whether BJYXSZD. Neither should any of you.

My love for GGDD doesn't come from them, it comes from me. It's not about them, it's about me. It's about my heart and my appetite for sweetness and connection. It's about my politics and what I stand for and support. It's about everything inside me.

If their relationship was proved to be fake, or if it was to end, that wouldn't change a thing for me. I would still be the same person with the same heart. I would still have the same values and drives. I might be sad, of course, or even hurt a bit depending on the circumstances, but it wouldn't change who I am or what I'm about.

I will never be ashamed of loving someone. I will never be ashamed of sharing my heart or letting something touch my heart.

I won't be taking any more asks on this subject unless they bring a substantially fresh perspective that hasn't already been expressed. I apologize in advance if you send me something that I don't reply to/post. This is just a boundary I have with asks like this.