#anyway that’s all for today in confused queer news

[goldennika]

met up with an internet friend for the first time last week and i couldn’t help but feel that maybe i was “too much” in some aspect and might have turned her off from wanting to keep in touch with me after our first live encounter

i was replaying our meeting in my head and started thinking “maybe i was too loud” “was i speaking too much?” “was i being self-centered and talked about my own experiences too much?” “did i monopolize the conversation?”

but i tried to remind myself that she said this won’t be the last time we’ll meet, asked to take photos of us together, and posted it online that same night saying she was really happy we finally got to meet (you can’t always trust social media since people mostly treat it as a highlight reel but i’ll take it as a win all the same)

we’ve also since continued to send each other memes and txt/kpop updates since we met up last weekend so i guess it’s still all good?

and she also shared some photos of her growing txt pin collection (i gifted her an a:sm pin) without me prompting her so i guess that’s also still really good?

[larkral]

Blargh! I need a new header, except that my most recent OS update on my computer has end-of-life'd my long-term relationship with a once-purchased full Adobe suite, so I both have to find a new photo editing program AND learn to use it? Travail upon travail.

ANYWAY thanks for the tags today to @kiwiana-writes @run-for-chamo-miles @monbons @you-remind-me-of-the-babe and @shrekgogurt (squeaking just at the arbitrary tumbr per-paragraph tag limit. PHEW) I am continually delighted by all the snippets people are sharing. Why oh why are there things I have to do with my time that aren't "write and read fanfiction"?

Anyway! One of those things this week was to trace a mural on my daughter's wall. I was...perhaps too ambitious with the design, but we'll get there eventually. This is the traced mural!

I've also been writing a bit!

Eight (sorry not sorry) sentences from Finally (already, always):

"It's fine," he says, "I get it." Then he sits on my bed next to me and tugs my wand from my hand to set it on the nightstand. He presses his thigh to mine to nudge me over. "You know I don't think I've ever heard my dad say the word vampire? Before this summer, I mean. I don't know why. It's not like we haven't always known. Even Mordelia knows, and she's four."

And Six sentences of FirstPrince Soulmate BS, because if you read my last line this week you deserve to know a bit more context. :D

"Oh," Beatrice says on seeing Alex. "My apologies. We were planning on joining you for supper." She turns to Henry, "Did you not tell him?"  "No," Henry says with a quizzical expression, "I did." "Thought you were just being polite," Alex responds as he closes his laptop and stands.

Tagging everyone below the cut even though it's late, because I want to start your Mondays off right, and I'm claiming the ability to brighten your day. Humor me. :D

@stitchyqueer @confused-bi-queer @raenestee @facewithoutheart @whogaveyoupermission

@cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @sillyunicorn @wellbelesbian @basiltonbutliketheherb

@ileadacharmedlife @asocialpessimist @bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @captain-aralias

@petedavidsonscock @artsyunderstudy @carryonvisinata @takenabackbytuesdays @martsonmars

@nausikaaa @nightimedreamersghost @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @ionlydrinkhotwater @that-disabled-princess

@palimpsessed @fatalfangirl​ @blackberrysummerblog​ @valeffelees @mooncello

@j-nipper-95 @youarenevertooold @emeryhall @talentpiper11 @roomwithanopenfire

@imagineacoolusername @orange-peony @thewholelemon

<3 <3 <3

[deep-space-lines]

I tend to say my mom is a little confused but has the spirit about LGBTQ stuff. She only makes the occasional unintentionally wildly homophobic/transphobic remark and as far as she's concerned I am a perfectly reasonable allosexual 100%-binary-cis lesbian because I do not think she could comprehend anything else, but like, she's trying. She could be trying harder! But she's trying.

Anyway, she went to buy some fabric today and came with with a "surprise" for me. Despite having 2, possibly 3 queer children, two of whom are adults who have been out for Years, and living in a very gay part of the country, she somehow only found out the rainbow flag was a Gay Thing like, last month, and in an attempt to be supportive, today she told me she bought me something rainbow as a treat, what with me being gay and all. And then she paused and corrected herself: "well, it's... kind of rainbow"

.............this is what she gave me.

so anyway new pride flag just dropped specifically for the queers whose identity would be difficult to explain to their clueless parents but at least the parents are... kind of trying? I guess??? lmfao

(don't get me wrong I am delighted, it was very sweet of her. I just think it's really funny. an attempt was made. at least she's in the ballpark)

[nightimedreamersworld]

THE END IS NEAR-SUNDAY

Thank you for tagging me today, friends @hushed-chorus @blackberrysummerblog @forabeatofadrum @ivelovedhimthroughworse @you-remind-me-of-the-babe ❤️

Ok rambling time: Recently I was really craving some Snowbaz kissing, and guess what - there's a fic that's like 90% JUST kissing. So the good news was, I could have all the kissing I wanted! So many kisses! Too bad it's unfinished.

And then I had a moment like that meme: "man this fic is really great! I wish I could find out how it ends!" *realizes you're the author*

ANYWAY rambling over. That's all just to say: I'm going to finish every little helps. Like I'm this close 🤏 to being done after over a YEAR writing this thing. I just need to wrap up the last chapter and write a neat little bow of an epilogue and then boom, done.

Here's a bit from chapter 8 (coming to an ao3 near you as soon as I'm done beating it out of my head):

He snorts against my skin, a little laugh among the breathy kisses. “Think I'm a bit like a vampire, now."  I just hum. I really hoped he wouldn't try to open that can of worms right now. It's bad enough that I had to take him down to the Catacombs with me. At least he stopped kissing me long enough so I could drink blood.  (He did help me catch a few rats—stepped on one, then offered it up to me like a single-stemmed rose. Absolutely ridiculous.) (I was swooning.) “How so?" I ask. “I mean, like, the hunger."  “Your hunger makes you long to drink the blood of small mammals?" I frown. “Wait. Do you want to drink my blood?"  "You smell so good," he whispers against my jaw. "Wanna eat you."  "I've already said I don't eat the rats."  "Said I wanna eat you."  I tsk at him. “Cannibalism isn't sexy, Snow."

Alright, this post is long enough. Idk if anyone even remembers this fic, but in case you still care, the end is near, friends.

Tagging: @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy @facewithoutheart @captain-aralias @martsonmars @aristocratic-otter @fatalfangirl @confused-bi-queer @stitchyqueer @letraspal @prettygoododds @valeffelees @larkral @palimpsessed @whogaveyoupermission @ionlydrinkhotwater and anyone who'd like to share!

[sailormoonsailorstars]

sailor moon s4 if they had tumblr

—————

💭 @local-juban-drama-n-news follow

I swear to god some weird ass scenario is always happening around here. First it was the sky randomly opening every now and then- and then Mugen academy suspiciously shut down- AND NOW THERE’S A CIRCUS LOOMING ABOVE US?? I can’t be the only one that thinks this is weird. Also some queer looking guys keep asking me if I’m holding a horse in my dreams?!

🌙 @usagitsukinoz follow

Now I’m really confused. I thought my future-daughter was gay with her friend from Mugen Academy but now that the girl isn’t here for now she’s in love with a horse boy

🗯️ @sailor-moon-updates follow

SAILOR MOON has been accused of being homophobic after shocking discussion between Uranus and Neptune surfaced from their most recent teamwork oriented battle.

“She’s boy crazy now so the gay stuff was totally a phase! Everyone’s a little bit queer.” -Sailor Moon

We have asked Uranus and Neptune for their stances on these accusations and received no comment.

Personally, I think this is Sailor Moon’s internalized homophobia. Read up on my closeted Sailor Moon thread 🧵 for more! Linked in my pinned post <3

🌹 @butyoudidntdoanything follow

Once again I’m begging you all to be understanding of Usagi. She’s not homophobic I promise. She’s just a very confused bisexual woman.

🔑 @pink-rabbit follow

Fellas is it gay to fall in love with a beautiful goth girl and then rebound to a prince who lives in your dreams when she can no longer reach you? Or is that just life

📄 @mizunomadness follow

I’m probably queer but I have to study for my high-school entrance exams so I don’t care about that right now.

🌙 @usagitsukinoz follow

I talked to Mamo about the lgbt stuff and I think I get the love part of it because I love all my friends and kiss them a lot so I guess I am bicurious but he told me people can use whatever pronouns they want

and I was a little lost because i thought i had to use the girl ones but he said I can use any SO you can use she/they for me :D ty for being so patient

👑 @princeofdreamlands follow

wait until this wonderful girl realizes that I’m just a gay guy hiding in her dreams from people that want to keep me in a cage. is it really gaslighting if she’s lying about her sexuality too? No straight girl keeps yuri in her room.

🗯️ @sailor-moon-updates follow

BREAKING NEWS!

SAILOR MOON has been spotted kissing her fellow inner-guardian friends cheeks after each battle.

I think all my threads were worth it, she really is a queer.

Anyways for the Gaylor Moonies: Why Sailor Moon is secretly in love with Mercury and how this will lead to Tuxedo Mask’s downfall. A thread! 🧵 (1/92)

🔑 @pink-rabbit follow

Someone at school today asked me if I listen to Girl In Red and it felt like an insult but i actually really liked some of her songs when I looked her up

One day the planets will align for me to find her again. For now my prince sings me a melody of peaceful love 🫶🌸

[hushed-chorus]

Hi folks! And thank you for the tags @youarenevertooold, @shrekgogurt @theearlgreymage @artsyunderstudy @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @nightimedreamersworld, @wellbelesbian, and everyone who tagged me during my fandom hibernation.

It’s been a while! Lots of real life stuff going on, but it should be calmer now. Despite being busy, I've been plotting and scheming for my next long fic, a Watford canon divergence. Emphasis on *long*. I’ve filled one and a half A5 notebooks capturing and organising my ideas. I don't know why I do this to myself. It's a compulsion.

Originally I’d planned to do NaNoWriMo for both FAIAP (it’s not been abandoned, folks!) and the new Watford fic. Then I fell sick on Halloween and only started feeling better a couple of days ago. I may go for it anyway, but start (let’s say) 13th Nov and extend NaNo to 13th Dec. I reckon it’ll help kickstart the writing engine. 

Today I posted the last two chapters of Blood, Salt and Hummingbirds. Here’s a little peek.

“I know that ship,” I say. “It’s the Alban! Baz, it’s a British ship!” Baz blinks uncertainly. “A British ship?” “Yeah!” I laugh. “Baz, this is perfect! She left Portsmouth just before the Magpie! Searching for Terra Australis, she was! I’d tried to join the crew, but she had a full complement of men.” Concern pulls on Baz’s lips. Desperation lurches in my chest and I grab his arm. “Baz, she’s not been to England in all that time. They won’t have heard anything about you. Besides, we’ll give them a fake name. And we don’t have to go back to England. We could go to the Americas, or Africa, or even France!” “We?” Baz looks bewildered. “Yeah! You speak French, right?” He swallows. “Yes.” “And your grandmother was Egyptian. Maybe we could go there!”

Baz lowers his head. I shake his arm. “Baz! You aren’t staying here alone. I won’t leave you. I can’t. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

Hello tags below the cut!

@facewithoutheart @captain-aralias @raenestee @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @larkral @stitchyqueer @ileadacharmedlife @confused-bi-queer @aristocratic-otter @whogaveyoupermission @fatalfangirl @thewholelemon @onepintobean @martsonmars @blackberrysummerblog @orange-peony @palimpsessed @valeffelees @j-nipper-95 @rimeswithpurple @imagineacoolusername @iamamythologicalcreature @supercutedinosaurs @alexalexinii @bookish-bogwitch @cosmicalart @bazzybelle

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

RPWP let's go! To be honest, I didn't know the album dropped today. I thought Lost was another pre-release and that the album would drop in June, but I think that's NJs new album?

Anyway, I watched the Lost MV after waking up and was kind of disappointed. Namjoon's always a mixed bag (except in collabs). I don't understand his way of writing and expressing himself, and find it quite indigestible and dense; his English rap is very slurred most of the time too. Yes, he's incredibly intelligent, can write amazing lyrics, and his Korean rap can be insane, but a lot of the times I can't enjoy his songs. I tend to like his features more (he has some amazing ones, like Change, Sexy Nukim and Don't).

Hours later, I'm back from work and have listened to his album:

Right People, Wrong Place: Nice intro, but immediately his English accent and the way he sings in English is off-putting. The track is also very alternative and indie, which are genres I don't vibe with.

Nuts: Very interesting song... The way he's rapping in the beginning is a bit... it doesn't work super well. I loved the outro though - that part was cool. Overall, it's a good song. People went fucking crazy over the "she's a pro-rider", and also "he's a pro-rider", but I'm not sure this is Namjoon being a "bisexual king"; it's like the relationship from the guy's pov, which is why he says "no woman could stop him" and not "no man [RM] could stop him". But it's still a possible interpretation. I just see too many Armys taking everything he said literally and filling in the blanks with assumptions, creating their own narrative which is quickly being spread as the truth. People are saying RM cut his hair, started working out and deleted his IG pics because of a breakup and that he then got into situationships. I mean, this would be a normal thing to do but those could all be isolated events. You don't know if he cut his hair over a breakup?... Like, Army wants BTS relationship drama so much they act like they know everything. I admit I'm not a normal 20 year old, so who knows? I also wasn't keeping up with his Weverse lives.

out of love: Well, this whole album is very Sundance coming of age movie about a "cool yet lost guy in his 20s who goes to bars, drinks, smokes with this friends while contemplating his existence" which couldn't be further from my vibe. I hate indie music because it's slow, lethargic, whimsical, loose, and I'm neurotic, high-strung, literal, and uptight. I can't vibe with indie; I can't relate to normal 20 years old who smoke weed at parties. That's really nothing special, but to me it's a whole different universe. I have no friends or a life. I can't relate to Namjoon at all... Anyway, him saying "bitches" is not cool. I see Army praising him for hitting back at those who criticize idols for smoking, but, no man - unless he's explicitly queer and saying it and a fun manner, maybe, can use the word "bitch" imo. I fucking hate that word. I also felt like Namjoon was trying to copy black rappers in this song, but I'm probably too white to comment. Can't say I enjoyed the track. I feel really basic, but I'm too straight-laced, boring white girl to appreciate this album, sorry.

Domodachi: Eh... I was expecting the woman to be an amazing rapper, since I saw Army hype her up, but she's... alright? Lyrically, she's pretty basic - in this track at least. Also, it's so weird listening to Brits rap lmao. There's no translation of this track yet, so I don't really know the lyrics.

? (Interlude): I like classical music (won't include XXI classical music in this statement, which I know nothing about and is a lot different from what we traditionally think of as classical music), but I don't like jazz that much in general... Both are considered "intelectual music", but jazz isn't for me... I like structure and a certain repetitiveness in music. Improvisation is just confusing to me and, like, I'm so type A, I just can't vibe with it.

Groin: Joon's cursing is a bit too much in this album. The way he curses is a bit... aggressive?, yet at the same time giving Jungkook in Seven vibes. I guess that's the point. We have "bitch" here again. It's pretty disappointing... I thought he'd learned better. I read the lyrics translation from an account on X and on Genius, and they were quite different... The first was very anti establishment, the second less so. "Not a fucking diplomat" is great though. But I hate the chorus... "Get your ass out the trunk?"...

Heaven: Didn't particularly stand out. This song also doesn't have a translation yet (or I couldn't find one. It's been hours though. If this was an ot7, maknae line, or Yoongi track, 100% sure there would be multiple translations already).

LOST!: The woman singing in the beginning sounds so familiar... The song has a fun rhythm, and of all the RPWP tracks (aside from Come Back to Me), it's the easiest listening song. It actually represents the album very well, unlike Come Back to Me which is a clear outlier (feel kind of deceived, really) and easily the most GP friendly track (hence it being the pre-release). The song is fun but the English lyrics are just bad. The album's full of poorly written English lyrics. I guess it's on purpose? Don't like it, don't get it.

Around the world in a day: Another count for "bitch". The song's okay, butthe lyrics are... Honestly, it feels like the whole album is just vibes. What is he even saying? Heartbreak, anger, etc., but in terms of message, it's very repetitive. It's all so vague too? Don't know what he means because I like things spelled out to me - maybe that's my bad.

Credit Roll: Well, no use commenting haha.

Come Back to Me is the only relatable and truly enjoyable track to me. Sorry, I don't know how to appreciate this album and can't stand a lot of the English. I feel like RPWP highlights everything I like least about RM as an artist... While, I didn't enjoy the album on my first listen, it's cool how experimental it is and that it sounds nothing like idol music. BTS are so diverse musically. If you play this album to anyone and tell them it's BTS, they'll be in absolute disbelief lmao.

Second listen through and review here!

[cutestkilla]

Fic Rec Wednesday

Hey hey! So while I actually am hard at work on CO content for the Picture Book Project (several illustrations of the gang in third year for @captain-aralias’ amazing take on Simon Snow and the Third Gate), I have nothing that’s really ready for main in terms of sharing. Thanks to everyone who continues to tag me over these past weeks (I tag you all back under the cut for today, or Sunday or to share your own fic recs)! I do love to see what you all are working on even when I have nothing shareable.

I thought I might do a little fic rec post today instead, dedicated to one-shots that were posted in the mad rush of December that I love and think are a little underappreciated. There’s such a flood of amazing content during COC that it’s hard to keep up, and then once we move on to January, there’s still new amazing content coming out. As a result there are some real gems that folks may have missed out on. And so, here is a short (no doubt incomplete because I myself am still catching up) list of my fave hidden gems from December 2022.

And We Still Do by @facewithoutheart (T, 8K)

This is the fic that inspired me to write this post, actually, because I was discussing it with @facewithoutheart earlier and saying I can’t believe more folks haven’t read it. Anyway, it’s so great! The story includes a bunch of AU meet-cutes/meet-uglys framed by post-SFC Simon and Baz being fluffy and cute, with a bonus ACTUAL first time they met via the crucible. Each AU is a great little one-shot in itself and to quote the comment I left on AO3, “I loved them all, I would read a full fic of literally ANY of these”. (That is not actually a direct quote because I appear to have misspelled the word “would” somehow, but I digress.) You get post-canon fluff, a Boy Band AU, a Royalty AU, a couple of really neat canon-divergence AUs, and a combo Coffee Shop/Sci Fi AU all rolled into one, with amazing results. I think it’s brilliant like everything that comes from Christina’s mind and everyone should check it out.

Baby It’s Cold by @larkral (T, 2.6K)

This is a post-canon story told through a series of vignettes with Simon helping Baz accept something (something cold, maybe?) about himself in a really cute and creative way. It’s just really sweet, the prose is lovely as one knows to expect from this author, it gave me the warm fuzzies in a major way and guess what else? IT COMES WITH 3D LEGO ART. It’s short and sweet so you have no excuse not to check this one out folks.

Nice Spread by @messofthejess (T, 1.2K)

Post-canon Brobelove! The age old mystery of whether tea actually can be served on Niamh’s thighs is solved! And just generally this is packed with excellent banter, excellent novelty mugs and excellent tea puns. Very fun!

Another Way We Match by @thewholelemon (M, 1.7K)

Gotta include some spice, amirite? This one is post-canon and packed with great dialogue and banter that pays homage to some of my favourite fanworks (This Will All Go Down in Flames by @facewithoutheart, Monsterfucker, Baby by @sillyunicorn and Property of Tyrannus by @starwarned and @seducing-a-vampire, to be specific) in the funnest way. Simon and Baz are doing sexy roleplay! Only all of Simon’s suggestions are causing Baz eye-rolling injuries. Really hilarious, sexy and also with the perfect amount of domestic fluff mixed in. I love me a sex scene full of funny dialogue and awkward moments, and this sure fits the bill.

I could go on and on with this list, only I’m supposed to be working instead of writing this post, so I’ll stop here for now. Hope you all check these out!

Tags: @alleycat0306 @aristocratic-otter @artsyunderstudy @basiltonbutliketheherb @blackberrysummerblog @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @confused-bi-queer @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @forabeatofadrum @frjsti @hushed-chorus @ileadacharmedlife @ivelovedhimthroughworse @j-nipper-95 @johnwgrey @larkral  @martsonmars @nightimedreamersworld @onepintobean @palimpsessed @shrekgogurt @stitchyqueer @takitalks @tea-brigade @technetiumai @theearlgreymage @thewholelemon @whatevertheweather @you-remind-me-of-the-babe                             

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

do you have advice on how to stop being bitter over not having a gf? I’ve tried dating apps but they’re really bad. Especially with the queer shit lately, it’s all been a mess. I’ve become very frustrated and bitter over being single. I had a “situationship” fail, she didn’t want to do online dating and frankly she ended up being borderline toxic anyway but I still wish things could’ve worked out for us. Especially since finding a gf has been really difficult for me. Ppl my age mid 20s are super immature and nonbinary or yk other stuff. I know I’m going to be single for a while (realistically speaking, none of this “you could meet your soulmate tomorrow” b.s.) I come from a homophobic af family so I had a lot of internalized homophobia I’ve struggled w and honestly staying single w no other gay ppl in general to talk this out with has been making me go back into those dark days.

Hi anon :D

I've been single for a long time as well, so we're in the same boat! I feel like finding a woman to date in your early 20s was also difficult before all the queer/nb nonsense, for most of college my only prospects were bicurious women who wanted to hookup with me to experiment. I was happy to finally enter my 30s so most of these women would be married and stop annoying me, but with the return of political lesbianism they're in all age groups now 🙃 Then in your 40s, 50s and beyond, you have to avoid the "late bloomer lesbians" (= confused bi women with a midlife crisis)! Is there even a time when it's fun for us to date?? I'm not sure.

It's important to remember that being single for a long time doesn't say anything about us, that doesn't mean that we're unlovable or failures. Plenty of good people (even among straight people!) struggle to date and hate dating apps. It's normal to be bitter about all the things you're missing because you're single (hanging out with another lesbian everyday, sharing good moments, support, physical affection, sex) but instead you could try gratitude exercises like listing advantages of being single (more free time, more time for friends and hobbies, you can decorate and organize your place the way you want it...) Beyond internalized lesbophobia, you can use that time to solve any insecurities, emotional baggage or trauma you might have that could cause problems in a future relationship.

Also I've said this already but I really want to insist: when society (and now the lgbtqiabcxyz+++) wants us to be miserable, lonely, and ashamed, we need to go out of our way to be self-indulgent and spend our time doing things that make us happy and fulfilled. You have a lot of free time, so instead of wallowing and doomscrolling, ask yourself: what can I do to make today a great day? Is it working out, calling/meeting with a friend, doing something creative, learning a new skill, finally finishing a video game, cooking a recipe you've always wanted to try? Even relaxing at the park for an hour or two without your phone so you're not sollicited at all can make you feel better! Don't wait until you have a girlfriend to live a happy life! :)

(... Also, if that's not done already, buy yourself a vibrator. You'll feel less miserable about being single if you can give yourself really good orgasms whenever you want haha)

[imagineacoolusername]

hello :)

it's been ages since i last wipped a wednesday, so i come today with a new wip. sorta.

so basically i was inspired yesterday and i came up with a fic idea, but i still haven't written anything yet, just the plot main idea and kind of an outline, so i can't really share anything

but! i do need help with something. so in this fic baz is a model, like worldwide famous, and i don't know what his stage name (is that a thing for models?) should be. so please, vote on this poll

(baz is not an option bc it's already reserved) (hehehe)

anyway, that's all for today. i hope everyone has a wonderful day, sending y'all hugs and good writing vibes!! @valeffelees @ileadacharmedlife @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists @orange-peony @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @larkral @blackberrysummerblog @artsyunderstudy @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @wellbelesbian @ionlydrinkhotwater @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @letraspal @prettygoododds @onepintobean @raenestee @ic3-que3n @ebbpettier @captain-aralias @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @confused-bi-queer @shrekgogurt @mysterioussheep and thank you for tagging me this morning @hushed-chorus <33

[the-trans-advice-blog]

hello, I am anon due to reasons lol. . I think I may have stopped at a good spot for advice? I don't like the idea of fully being a girl anymore. I forced myself to be today and projected myself as that, but I don't feel it resonates with me anymore. I could move to a different country, be a new person, and nobody could know I was born a female at all with my haircut! But I just don't know. Everyone knows me as a female, but what if I'm not? You have 3 kids, all female at birth. What changes if I am transgender anyway?!? My family is supportive of the lgbtq but I'm not sure I am able to come out yet. I'm so lost, I force myself to dress "womanly" sometimes, and before it'd be fine, but now I just can't do it. I seriously can't. Sorry if this is really long. I really need advice. I want to do a job as a boy. I want to look like and sound like a boy. I want to be born a boy. I want to be with a boy. Doing all that as a girl doesn't seem like me anymore. Do you believe I am transgender? I'm so lost and confused. I see no fun as a girl, but what even am I? I want to be a boy so badly, but I'm a girl.

I'm not going to tell you what you are, but to me whatever you decide you identify with, it sounds like you aren't a girl. That can mean so many things, trans being at least one of those but there's so many labels that might fit you. I think you should try presenting in the ways you want online. Go by a different name and pronouns and see how it makes you feel!

if your family is supportive of queer people there's no reason they wouldn't support you in my eyes. I know change can be scary but it's important that you stay true to who you are otherwise your life is going to be miserable.

[zorotitties]

I hate dudebro OP fans

I shudder saying this, but sometimes I visit the one piece subreddit *groans* I know. But sometimes really good cosplayers and theories pop up there! But I'm not here to talk about the good, unfortunately. I see it on reddit, on tiktok, on Instagram, and even Facebook. Cishet male one piece fans. Who take everything so fucking seriously, who think every character is straight, who criticize the manga to hell and back for all the wrong reasons. SPOILERS FOR MOST RECENT CHAPTER START HERE, THEY WILL BE BETWEEN TWO CAUTION EMOTES

⚠️ I saw one today that said that luffy using gear 5 on Lucci was stupid and that it made his fight with kaido look pointless and made kaido look weak because "obviously Lucci is weaker than kaido so why would Luffy have to use gear 5?" MF the boy isn't logical, he's not using gear 5 because he thinks he can't beat Lucci without it. He's using it because A) it's a new form he likes it, he wants to show off his new powers because Lucci is doing the SAME DAMN THING and B) he wants to show Lucci he's not messing around and that he recognizes how strong Lucci is. It's to show that he was a formidable foe ⚠️

So there's that bullshit lmfao. And then you have the people who insit Zoro will end up with Hiyori, those who ship Luffy and Hancock (no shade I guess but wtf), think of Sanji at surface level face value shit and see him as uber straight, completely ignoring kamabaka kingdom and his very obvious struggle with gender and sexuality. Dudebro OP fans love to point out shit and then ignore things that contradict their points entirely. They love to ignore the queer characters in OP. They love to ignore that Kiku and Yamato are trans. They love to ignore that Luffy has not once ever shown interest in a woman INCLUDING Hancock, but has blushed around zoro. They love to ignore Zosan's dynamic. Zolu's dynamic. Vivi and Nami's dynamic. They straight up refuse to acknowledge that Bon Clay is queer. They borderline suck the fun out of the anime. I can't imagine like genuinely rating all the arcs, overly criticizing them and calling some of them straight up bad. And maybe that's just because One Piece is my special interest, but holy fuck man how can you genuinely hate any arc. There are so many fans out there that just hate Wano and Skypiea and it's so CONFUSING bro. Idk I'm literally just talking out of my ass and going on my autistic little rant but damn!! Try enjoying the show !!! Try analyzing the characters beyond their fights. Try acknowledging some of your faves are queer. Oh and God help anyone that try to label any of the characters as neurodivergent. "Luffy is just an idiot" no you're a fucking idiot. He's obviously autistic.

Anyway I dont expect anybody to read this but if you do and you disagree with me uhmmmmm kys idk? /j

[larkral]

Hello!! Thanks for tagging me in @forabeatofadrum and @orange-peony! Love seeing what you're working on.

My wife and I are !surprise! buying a new house in three weeks (we've been trying to buy a new house for over three years, but the market is wild and we've been in various kinds of limbo for various lengths of time, and this one wasn't supposed to end this quickly or at this time, but here we are.) Anyway, uh, who knows if I'll be able to fulfill all my October fandom goals with an early-November closing on the horizon, but maybe!

Snippet from Feet Buried in the Sand (formerly Beach Boys), ie my @leithillustration @carryon-reverse-bang fic, redacted for spoilerization. Longer than six sentences because limits are arbitrary.

"Can you swim?" Snow asks, flopping wetly down next to me. **Redacted**. He's been splashing about for a while, and his skin is pebbled with goose-pimples. He drapes himself against my side and presses an open-mouthed kiss to my chest over my heart.  "Get off, you heathen!" I laugh, shoving at him. He's soaking my shirt, an aqua linen tee studded with rosebuds.  He rolls entirely on top of me instead and shakes his head so that his hair rains salty droplets onto my sunglasses and over my face. My tongue dips out to slate my thirst on the water. I know that salt water won't help, but it's crisp and cool against my lips and when Snow pulls back, he looks down at my panting mouth and dives in.  His lips are cool, but his tongue is warm. I can't get enough of his mouth, his bacon-cookie smell, the way he's licking into me. I strain up into him **redacted**.

Progress on my podfics is going well, except... see below. I'm at the white-gray vertical line in editing this fic for content. The bottom THREE TRACKS are all cut sections. It's at minimum 80% of the audio I recorded. All the yellow in the first section is bringing the levels of my breaths down. Cue manic face.

An outtake, you'll see why I called it this.

I will continue to keep the fics a secret today except to say that they're by the inimitable @mostlymaudlin and that I've been contemplating whether I should use the "telephone vocal" setting in garageband. ;-) Feel free to make a guess.

Tagging in @stitchyqueer @thewholelemon @confused-bi-queer @raenestee @facewithoutheart @cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @sillyunicorn @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @basiltonbutliketheherb @ileadacharmedlife @asocialpessimist @bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @captain-aralias @petedavidsonscock @takitalks @artsyunderstudy @yeonjunenby @carryonvisinata @takenabackbytuesdays @martsonmars @nausikaaa @nightimedreamersghost @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @ionlydrinkhotwater @aroace-genderfluid-sheep​ @shrekgogurt  @palimpsessed @fatalfangirl​ @blackberrysummerblog​ @valeffelees @imagineacoolusername @j-nipper-95 @whogaveyoupermission @wellbelesbian @rimeswithpurple @youarenevertooold

[raayllum]

not really appreciating or understanding still the whole purity culture accusation for pointing out that people are well in their right to find a unhealthy power dynamic ship between Aaravos and a 19 yr old more uncomfortable than Aaravos and a middle aged guy well into adulthood - this isn't purity culture, this is, like, a really normal perspective and perfectly fine for the fanbase of primarily young people (if not children) to have, I don't understand what's worth getting upset about, is this just rehashed proship discourse or what

and I don't think you're really in the mindset to be having this discussion, considering I've said your main point of contention - that it is understandable and ofc absolutely allowed for the age gap to be what people find off putting about Claudia and Aaravos - over and over again:

like to be clear whatever makes you uncomfortable makes you uncomfortable, nothing wrong with that, block tags/people and curate your experience all you want

and I'm gonna be honest with you, on tumblr? TDP is an extremely adult heavy fandom. To the point that when I first joined the fandom back in 2018, I was one of the youngest, and still am, even in my early 20s now. And tumblr is a 17+ age site anyway, so young children shouldn't even be on here (and if they are, they had to sign a button saying they were older, and it's on them and their parents to figure out how to curate their online experience, soo).

So let me reiterate:

People are allowed to be squicked out by Claudia and Aaravos' age gap. But to act like there's a moral slant to it - Viren/Aaravos being better/fine/less morally problematic - is a facet of purity culture and culturally Christian attitudes towards sex. The issue isn't the discomfort, that's something that's often very personal and subjective, the issue is the moralization of that discomfort. Which, as a queer person, is very very similar to how discomfort and morality are utilized and weaponized against queer people and 'taboo' literature in general. Which again, as someone with a degree in English who also teaches the humanities for a living, is something I'm acutely familiar with.

"We have to be careful about what we portray in art because impressionable people may get confused between art and reality" is not a new take. It's the backbone of Plato's The Republic. It's what essays were written in opposition of in the 1600s. It's what 19th century British grammarians were concerned with when codifying 'proper' English down into the first real dictionaries. It's the same mindset curbing portrayals of LGBTQ+ people in media today, because when you moralize certain things, you put up emotional barriers than get in the way of actually dismantling the thing you're talking about in the first place. It's all the same shit. It's all the same moralized thought crime. And to say you should never question WHY something is uncomfortable is a surefire way to never question any bias you may or may not have - because biases aren't always bad, but they should absolutely always be examined so you can see where it's coming from. Yours and others personal discomfort is not a Standard, the same way what I'm personally comfortable with or discomforted by is not a Standard, but I'm not acting like mine is, and you are

'Rehashed proship discourse' is what helped cultivate the environment that led to a massive wave of harassment of the aro and ace communities online from 2013ish to 2017ish (which I saw first hand). It's also what led to me, a 16 year old, being harassed by grown adults and called a pedophile somewhat regularly for what cartoon characters I wanted to kiss, because I had the same opinions on not moralizing what people do in fandom as I did at thirteen, and as I do now.

If you look at any ship or dynamic with a large age gap and write it off solely because of the age gap, you're not engaging in critical thinking. It's a "you don't need to know why this thing is bad, you just need to know it has a label of Bad". It's as simple as that, and that's precisely the problem.

If you want to do more reading and to expand your horizons on the subjects I'm talking about (literary analysis, societal purity culture, upacking biases, etc.) I suggest this tag on my main blog, and feel free to come back and discuss. If not, have a good day, but I don't feel like continuing this conversation any further, simply because unsurprisingly, it seems that critical thinking is something you are struggling to apply, and I don't think we're going to get very far without it.

[nightimedreamersworld]

Six Sentence Sunday

Thanks for the tags today, friends @letraspal @artsyunderstudy @j-nipper-95 @hushed-chorus @iamamythologicalcreature @larkral @forabeatofadrum @confused-bi-queer love to see what you guys are working on!

So, the good news is: my vacation is finally here!! Which means lots of free time to write and read and relax. Whoo!

The even better news is: I've fully shifted into CORB mode. You guys, I lucked out. I get to work with not one but two absolutely amazing artists for this fest, and it's been so fun to come up with ideas with them both.

I've got a general outline + some words for both of these wips and I'm so excited. Have a snippet for each:

#Wip 1, Baz pov: a list.

1. The Mage is my captor. He sent numpties, of all creatures, and told them to lock me up in a coffin.

2. He doesn't want me dead, just locked up. There must be a reason, and I'm going to find out what it is. Soon.

3. Simon Snow isn't coming to my rescue—hell, he might as well be in on this, following orders from his mentor. He's probably guarding the damn bridge, waiting with his sword at the ready in case I try to escape.

4. (I know it probably isn't true—I'd be able to smell him a mile away—but still, the thought sticks, rotting in my mind.)

5. No one is coming to my aid—I've heard the numpties talking about a ramson. If my family pays, that would be like admitting defeat. Maybe it's what the Mage really wants: to wring out as much money and resources as he can using me.

6. Despite knowing all those facts, I won't stay here. I'm tired of the dark.

7. I don't need to be saved. I'll take matters into my own hands.

And #Wip 2 (also Baz):

I grew up underneath the Cirque's lights.

My first memories belong to the stage, watching my mother dance with flames like they were part of her. Like she was made of fire.

She was the star of the circus. Natasha the Great, they called her. They might as well have named an entire show after her.

I'd like to say I learned everything I know from her. I would have, if I'd had the chance.

But I learned it, anyway. Fiona likes to tell everyone that I used to do handstands before I even learned how to walk. Which is a gross exaggeration, but not far from the truth.

I suppose I do fare better upside down.

“It's the blood rushing to your head," Snow poked me once. “Makes you even more of a prick."

So there you have it. These both feel very tentative and drafty, but it's a start. I can't wait to tell you more about them!

Tagging a few friends for Wednesday: @cutestkilla @bookish-bogwitch @captain-aralias @rimeswithpurple @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @ivelovedhimthroughworse @whatevertheweather @fatalfangirl @aristocratic-otter @blackberrysummerblog @prettygoododds @palimpsessed @valeffelees @facewithoutheart and anyone who'd like to share!

[castlebyersafterdark]

i think youre right about the bi/gay debate (sorry to bring it to you... im not bringing it in a Im New Here way, but rather an I've been here a while and youre someone i feel safe asking about this, sort of like sitting down at a kindly hot gay wizard's knee and asking for wisdom way hehe.)

HOLY HECK i did not even see the slideshow length, 300?! i know we celebrate the boys here, but when youre compiling like that it starts to feel like compensating for something. and you're right - so far (im about halfway through) ive been asking myself things like 'but why does that make mike bi?' on every other slide. theyre detailing the plot of s4 from mike's pov; things that all bylers agree on, gay and bi truther alike. none of it so far is evidence for bi mike. at one point they say 'theyre not compatible in a romantic relationship, but mike likes kissing her as we can see here...' and this is what has me respectfully yelling HOW CAN WE SEE THIS PLEASE because so much of these discourses is about opinion and subjective interpretation. im about to sound like a nerd: it really makes me miss school. and uni. and debate club. and seminars. with actual discussion and evidence. hell, i even miss english class and writing essays. make a point. provide evidence. follow up with explanation. the teachers actually called it P.E.E.

PEE. amazing.

but youre right, because its ok for everyone to have their interpretations, especially as the show is unfinished! maybe im just endlessly confused by people's need to justify and be right. what is gained? i think i expected too much from the fandom lol, i expected academia. i feel like i get that open-mindedness from some places though, and from you (plus many other treats heh heh). i think i would love to have had you in my uni classes, vinny! youre so interesting and kind.

and im endlessly interested in the sexual attraction vs. love thing, because ive definitely seen people say that sexual attraction isnt needed. aromantic gay folk, etc... i must be honest and say it gets beyond my understanding and i cant form an opinion on that

footnote 1: im gonna finish the slideshow because today i was reading about the Sunk Cost Fallacy and want to be masochistic (only 150 slides left! its ok though, the vast majority are screenshots of the show itself that illustrate... nothing lol)

Hope you two anons don't mind a little three-way action combining this conversation 🤭 just so my blog isn't dominated by this topic with redundant points! I totally don't mind the topic if it's open and friendly and analytical rather than fighty. All good here. Under a cut since this is long and if people want to skip this topic:

"sitting down at a kindly hot gay wizard's knee and asking for wisdom" - Firstly, love that, obsessed with you. And YEAH the number of slides made me irl do that slow blink meme gif, we know the one. I wasn't very compelled. Am I too staunch and biased? It's not that "oh this character must be gay because I'm gay and like Byler" - no? A lot of people like Byler and aren't gay at all. I've been in fandom culture a long time and don't need to project. I just see what I see. I've shipped many things where I knew the characters weren't queer but I liked the idea. This is the first time in a long time that I feel the shipping and analysis collide and can actually be one in the same, a fandom rarity in my opinion and taste in media.

Anyway. A lot of the points for bi Mike overall from many sources of discussion never strike me as evidence he's bi. They could so often go both ways (HA SORRY) to bi vs gay points. And then the gay points tip the scales. So much of the argument is subjective, for sure. But there is coding and hints and arcs that lend solid evidence. His LACK of attraction to women just feels so clear to me when we have soooo much of that with the other male characters? He just acts differently, abrasive to certain concepts. And his relationship with El is a mess. I will feel so odd if we've all analyzed that wrong. All the points about Mike's weird expressions, his awkward physicality with her as opposed to Will, never really seeming all too enthused. It's almost looks like panic sometimes. A lot of what he says that's read as romantic feels like a performance for other people around - MIKE is the one overcompensating here, truly. His defeated facial expression before he says he loved El in the monologue is such a giveaway to me. He's about to lie for his life and hers.

This is what I mean by life and death. Guilt over his new friend dying for them season 1. Anger at Hopper hiding her while he missed her and felt guilt over what happened. Season three conformity and puberty confusion arc, getting mixed up from growing up and trying to be normal. The excitement that yes, I can be normal, this girl likes me. Changing his personality to fit, and overcompensating for not knowing the difference between platonic and romantic feelings for this girl - he struggled with the platonic because he feels he can't have that so his relationship is messy and too physical, not emotional. His mind and body and heart are all at odds. He and El aren't really friends because they haven't had the time or allowed their relationship to be anything but this need to have it be romantic - El's issue, too, with not really engaging with society in a meaningful way. Rambling now. But it's not hard to see if we're paying attention. Haven't even touched on anything to do with his behavior in regards to men or Will - this is already too long.

I think a lot of people will continue to ship what they want regardless of the outcome and honestly - that's fine? What if the worst happens and Mike ends up with El? I will still be a hardcore Byler fanboy until Stranger Things is not a fandom I'm interested in engaging with. I don't really care. I'll forge my own reality through fanfic. I believe those who still want to engage with Mlvn will do so. I can understand why people choose to see Mike as bi. His sexuality isn't canon yet (as opposed to Robin and Will). It's what they're into and HC since we do not know 100%. I'm not so blinded and delusional to not admit that.

Creativity and analysis overall - to anon #1's point. Yes!!! Glad to be enrolled with you at Stranger Things university. I got my little notebook out, overly caffeinated but I'm there for class. I'm the annoying guy interjecting. But I feel like you'd be sitting next to me in lecture backing me up.

and im endlessly interested in the sexual attraction vs. love thing, because ive definitely seen people say that sexual attraction isnt needed. aromantic gay folk, etc… i must be honest and say it gets beyond my understanding and i cant form an opinion on that

I find it fascinating, too! Which is why I try to learn more and more and always try to consider different viewpoints. It's a broken record, but these orientations are totally valid and props to anyone finding what works, figuring themselves out. I don't think everyone is ever going to completely understand every aspect of human sexuality. I don't. I'm always learning. I'm gay and both a hopeless romantic and a guy with a high sex drive so maybe certain realities and lifestyles I don't fully understand the intricacies of - but that's ok. We don't have to walk an authentic mile in each other's shoes, but we do need to respect each other and leave room on the path!! 😁

And a secret 3rd anon appears!! You said please don't post so I won't. But thank you for filling me in on fandom lore. I didn't know all that!!! Yikes babes. I don't like those vibes!!! 🙃 But, that is not my energy, we're all chill and into fun and discussion here. We don't personally have to give weight to every character interpretation but we also don't have to get at each other and blatantly fight. I'm just vibing 😌❤️