#idk it just never felt right without all my mods </3

[wildmelon]

vel, dark urge lolth-sworn drow gloomstalker

[antiendovents]

[ Vent Below ]

TWS: Cultural Appropriation, very very brief gun mention

I'm confessing my sins to you, and I pray this never gets traced back to my actual account. I just have never, EVER been able to share this with anyone. Ever. I don't think you will necessarily be a "safe place" either, but this is a vent/rant space with an anon option. I feel very slightly safe. No one in the system community would accept me if they knew what I did, so I'm like "anon vent mode".

When I was thirteen, I ''''''created'''''' [heavy quotes because it isn't an actual thing] an alter who we will call A, since he'll be a reoccurring part of this all. I did not call him an alter at the time. To be honest with you, mod of this account and I guess anyone who reads this, [my first sin] back when I ''''''created''''' him, I called him a tulpa.

We found out later that the professional who diagnosed us with DID [because, yes, we are a medically recognized system] had done so without bringing it up being a possibility up a second time. I mention second time because the first time she had brought it up, she commented that the specialists she talked to said that they would be hesitant to diagnose me [rightfully so]. She, in hindsight, probably didn't mention any of our trauma to them because of HIPPA. i [alter front] personally believe she diagnosed us around this time.

The second time it was brought up, it was actually an entirely separate alter than the one she told about the hesitance to diagnose. The alter at that time was like "I think we may have to consider DID.. It sounds like what I experience...." and she was like "I already diagnosed you months ago, I talked to 3 other alters".

Talk about a surprise pikachu moment for that alter.

When I first joined the system space, I was a semi-newly discovered system. I had already known about several alters-- A and his creation was what made us be able to communicate with as a system, but all communication was slashed when we had a new host front for three years , which was the host who got us diagnosed. So when we were joining tumblr, we were just establishing good contact again, and when I made my blog I was diagnosed for, like, idk a year before [social media scares us, community spaces scare us, and this is our first time using tumblr again since 2013].

We forgot about the whole term of ''tulpas'' because of amnesia, straight up had a different alter eat those memories to keep the system functioning [in hindsight, its beneficial to know about, but also not]. I had ENTIRELY forgotten the actual term for "tulpas" [in quotes bc its not the actual Buddhist practice]. I just remembered it as "oh i made this dude, he was a ball of light and then suddenly he was having full conversations and chose his own appearance and personality, and why did he choose to be a dickhead [a joke at him /lh]".

Up until making my blog, I didn't engage in plural communities. Not even the tulpa community when I engaged with the content. I was a traumatized kid terrified of everyone, i simply learned how to 'create' a 'tulpa', did it and it worked better than I thought it would, and then fucked off. It was the most traumatic period of our life [when I made A], all I wanted to do was have someone to be with me so I wasn't alone with it all. He very much took on a protector role from the beginning, fronting once for 3 days in a blackout amnesia episode because another alter felt silly [he was an anger holder and was very angry, to sum it up].

Then I joined Tumblr. Because of joining system spaces, I have since re-found the term Tulpa, and ffs?? The absolute guilt and shame we feel is so immense. Not only because I appropriated a cultural practice I have no fucking right to be in, but also because I'm also someone made a mockery of the very disorder I have. It feels like I don't even deserve to be diagnosed.

That's why I don't fit completely into anti-endo spaces, but I don't fit endo spaces either.

We were posting to a small audience of 0 notes in system spaces, which felt safer for us. So we were going ham on our blog, enjoying our time, but we got our first ask.

"You guys seem so nice,,, why are you anti-endo?"

I'm like??? anti-endo?? wtf is that??? what's an endo?? oh foolish, sweet summer child,,, I had not put it in anywhere that I was anti-endo, which makes it so much worse to me. I guess this was probably someone testing the waters or something. So we go look it up, look up endos and we get reintroduced to the culturally appropriated term. And it's like fuck. It was a moment where I realized I had gone against my own morals in a way I was extremely disgusted with. I ended up dipping for a whole month because of it, which caused a system uproar and a shit ton a bad stuff happening while we were also going through new tons of new trauma at that time [thanks to our ex-bestfriend, a silent fuck you to nem. already so stressed, tell that to her, and then it flies over nirs fucking head so she beats a dead horse but ANYWAYS].

While I'm gone, an alter takes my place. I'll call him P. and P? Well,,,, P takes my spot as host [im now one of 4 cohosts, P is not one of them]. P sees tulpa, P sees other spiritual stuff in the endo spaces, and P goes, well, gee,,,, spirits and talking to them exists [a belief we do hold, but i would have to explain eons of shit to explain why we do], I can almost see how it would work. P responds with 'we're not anti-endo' [my second sin].

And then I'm back. It's been a month, things have carried on without me and we are an 'endo neutral' blog with more than two followers, and posts that hit more than 10 notes [which,,, I hate public attention. The thought of more than a few people engaging with the stuff I post is terrifying to the point I might puke if I think too hard about it /gen. 3-10 notes is the ideal. Maybe like 5 followers? i didn't think about that, dont want to].

I relearn about endos, I go 'fuck no??? are you fucking kidding me???' but then I remember A. That? Well, That ruined EVERYTHING for me. Suddenly I'm having to figure out how to manage having people perceiving me in a scale that terrifies me, but I also have a fucking turkeyball mix of followers. Endos, Anti endos, Endo Neutral, Endo Apathetic. All while truly standing as an anti-endo behind those good ol' closed doors. Then I have to look down the barrel of the gun and accept i did something that goes wildly against my own fucking morals. I didn't remember A, I didn't remember Tulpas, and now I wished I had never joined any system space. I wish I had never tried to find community. I don't even know how to right what has been wrong, I don't have anyone to tell me how to fix this.

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. There is no space for me with anti-endos because of what I have done, and there is no space for me with endos because of my anti-endo beliefs.

When I made my blog I wanted a space to be me, to be us, but now I don't even want to be me. A's presence was needed to keep me alive, I love him, but I can't even be cocon with him or I end up having a breakdown. Whether it be from the guilt of the shitty thing I did that I can't make up for because he's literally forever going to be there, or the fact that because I can't be around him, and considering I'm a host, he's secluded to his own section in the innerworld. Alone. Literally like how we were when we made him. It's wicked fucked up to me, but i guess it probably shouldn't be, considering his 'origins'. What once saved my life has become something I can't even face.

I feel like shit. I feel like this is a lose-lose situation. The one time I tried to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I think will be beneficial for us, it ends up being the worst thing to do. All I wanted was friends like me, only to find out, no... I'm not like them and I probably don't even deserve the diagnosis I have. On top of that, I engaged in harmful behavior, cultural appropriation. Furthermore, the people I could've engaged with would've been people I entirely disagreed with.

I feel like i should self undiagnose, if that makes sense. Like I do not care whatever professionals said I am, I'm just,, IDK a shitty person?? A cultural appropriator?? I've been diagnosed more than once, but I feel like I still shouldn't even claim being a system. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel ashamed. Cultural appropriation has a permanent scratch in my brain, a permanent mark. I feel like this is something I can never fix.

I'm confused on what to do. How do I fix the wrong of being a cultural appropriator in such a vile way? Even if I actually am a system, which I don't even know anymore, what the fuck would I call A? What do I even do about getting over the guilt? My therapist isn't equipped to deal with this, I have no friends, and the only people I talk to are my abusers. I'm to scared to talk to people online, and considering my circumstances, who would I even talk to about any of this? Am I even an anti-endo if I practiced what the endos preach? I'm just,,, ugh, It's been a lot, but thank fuck for the anon ask on a blog amirite?

Sorry to dump all this on you, and feel free to ignore it/not upload. I've just needed to talk about this for a while, and this felt like a safe space for a lil bit.

this is complicated but i'm going to try give the best advice i can here. cultural appropriation is bad yes, but you were a child. you didn't know what else to call A at the time, it seems. you admit you have done wrong and you seem guilty over it and really i think thats all you need to improve. you are a system, you are diagnosed as one, yes you made a mistake but so have many others. ex-pro endos are welcome in this community and always will be. as long as you have learned from your mistake i do not think you are a bad person. as i said, people make mistakes all the time, it doesn't mean they're bad, they just need to learn better, and by the sounds of things you have. i really hope you find your place in this community or even a different community. if you need help leaving pro-endo and pro-tupla communities i would recommend slowly distancing yourself, unfollowing or blocking some accounts that may interact with you and maybe even announcing you're anti endo if you feel safe (this isn't required, but it does help avoiding them). if necessary i would also suggest maybe making a new blog / account if you feel like you can't fix the current one (even a side-blog might work). good luck anon and i while i don't speak for the whole anti endo community i am sure you will at the least be accepted by most of us.

[figmentof]

I swear to god there needs to be some sort of support group for people who escaped our flag means brainrot. I joined when it was small and I had never been in a fandom discord server before, so I had no reference point for what was "normal" after it got big. Thank you for sharing your experience, it makes me feel less insane for thinking a lot of what I saw was not okay when everyone around me was saying otherwise. I'm very sorry for what you went through.

it's actually astonishing the number of people that were there who witnessed it all happen and just stayed... silent. 1.6k people at the time and only three new friends i made who are now good friends of mine spoke up and left/abandoned the server in an act of defiance. i didn't talk about it in may right after getting removed as mod because tumblr can have a very... dismissive(?) attitude about discord servers since they're notorious for being hectic and the messiest source of drama (which is true to an extent ig but idk i like discord because of how much more connected we can be as a group of fans in a properly run server and it's an experience you can't ever get on tumblr or twitter). i felt like back then without anyone actually harassing me here on tumblr, it was my word against, well, the rest of this racist fandom. i felt incredibly helpless and isolated. but now that there's more people that joined the fandom after may and are actively talking about racism and constantly bringing it up (though still very few notes on those posts :|), i felt like my story being shared now will at least be taken seriously, and i'm glad it seems to be the case with the overwhelming number of ppl who sent me kind asks with words of encouragement <3

i actually made an anti-racist ofmd server a while back but it never picked up. i’m assuming now that s2 is a reality and actually finished maybe people would be interested again. of course it’s purposely selective so fans of color can feel safe. if you or anyone else is interested in joining lmk!

[vulpesvalentine]

how has each of your crushes positively affected you and how have you positively affected them

Acinonyx: He appeared and just… showed me how much he could love me, right off the bat, no questions asked. He had no reason NOT to love me and it's… really helping my self-esteem, ngl. As for me, uhhh… I guess just loving him back? Or maybe it was me helping him figure out he Existed? Cause at first it was thought he was a kintype for Cyanocitta actually! But he's his own person ^w^

Bovine: He introduced me to SO many fandoms and just things we're into, and he's shown me how I should be treated, while being beside me through so much. For me, I think I just positively affect him in little ways? Like I make most of his meals, I drive us to go shopping, stuff like that!

Canine: They were my first real love, and we're still going nearly 13 years later. Need I say more? We grew TOGETHER. Because trust me, all you minors who are looking here, you DO in fact change after high school. I'm a much different person than I was at 16, when we started dating. He accepted me before anyone else did, my own mother couldn't accept who I was, but he never had a bad reaction. I found out I was autistic, found out I was poly, he knew I was bi/pan before we started dating lmao, all this! He just accepted me without question.. I love him so much On the flip side, I think I've done the same for him? When they said they felt more nonbinary, I accepted it! When they fell in love with their friend, I did my damnest to make it work out for us. Now he's dating me and her ^w^

Chrysocyon: Blae was the first one from the Helianthus system to reach out to me! We started talking like, by accident LMAO I was playing on the server I mod for Helianthus, and they hopped on on their account and was like "uh oh. I'm in front!" and we never looked back. On my side, I… don't know? I think I might be the first they were talking to outside of the system, or outside of blades other partners? (I'm not sure who if anyone else blae's dating LMAO)

Corvidae: Oh my god what HASNT she done for me??? So tiny trauma dump, I had a huge falling out when I broke up with my abusive ex, and two of my closest friends at the time blocked me and I haven't heard from them in two years now. WELL a few months after that happened, I met Corvidae and Cricetidae! …. And another person who also became a very close friend! Well, when that other friend had a huge breakdown and tried to break up the friend group, I lost Cricetidae (she was HEAVILY MANIPULATED by this ex friend), and Corvidae just.. stayed by my side. And god I love her so dearly for that. I was in a very bad place reliving what my ex did to me, and she was just… There. I think on my side, the most I did was like… Bring her to my chat? We were mutuals on tumblr and would send asks back and forth, and finally when I broke the silence and DMed her, I invited her to my chat. If she hadn't joined, who knows what would have happened??? But she did! And she's become such an important member alongside Cricetidae and I (they're both my mods who I bully nonstop <3) and it means the world to me to have her by my side!

Cricetidae: Okay god SHE INTRODUCED ME TO DREAMCATCHER and no I don't think I'll ever match her passion for those ladies (nor do I want to, it's cute seeing her all excited over her favorite groups hehe,,), I still listen to the songs and get all blushy and happy-kicky and excited, and I try to tell her when I'm thinking of her while listening to them because I can't NOT think of her (Also happens with a Very Specific Song, which I will only tell her if she asks <3) For me affecting her positively, I'm.. not exactly sure I'm in good standing to answer that? Like she means a LOT to me and I'm so happy to have her but lately I've done more hurting than helping. I wanna change that!!!

Cyanocitta: So Chrysocyon was like "Oh no. HES trying to front and idk how he's gonna feel about you." about Cyanocitta the first time we met! And it went wonderfully, he was saying he's my boyfriend and he loves me (this was BEFORE I WAS DATING HELIANTHUS BTW) and ^///^ aaa it was just… nice to be wanted….. My positive thing is… I kind of feed into his yandere thoughts and feelings! For the record, we're not REALLY yanderes, we're not trying to kill people and we're not actually possessive or anything about our partners, but <3 we talk about it like we ARE and we EXPLORE those feelings and talk about them!!!! and it's just nice to have a nice little outlet, and I give that to him!!

Helianthus: He's given me so much.. Like just KNOWING him and when we were first talking about dating, he introduced me to his polycule and I've made such GOOD friends there ^////^ they mean a lot to me! (Lookin' at you, panda) It was the ONLY reason I ever met these people too!!! I think the most I do for him though is like, okay I'm a moderator for a server he runs, and he calls me "my moderator" >///< and it makes me so happy to be helpful and active and all that!!! I play on the server a LOT and I handle issues here and there and I do a lot for him there!!

Tigris: He stood up for me when I needed it most. I had someone making VERY HORRIBLE accusations against me, and he defended me tooth and nail and that's how we became friends!!! In his words, I was a ray of light in his dark life! I kept giving him a reason to keep going, and he could go missing and come back and know I've been thinking of him and worrying about him, I love him so much and I miss him </3 I haven't heard from him in a while..

Ursa: She was there for me during my breakup with my ex. She defended me and talked to me through it, and I did the same for her when her ex broke up with her and was having a bunch of fucking issues. They've been there through SO MUCH we've been friends for such a long time. SHE EVEN MADE A WHOLE BLOG JUST FOR LOVING ME <3 ITS SO SWEET she made it when I was getting a bunch of hate asks after my ex dumped me (one guess who was sending them lmao)

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!! THIS ONE WAS NICE it actually helps my self-esteem to see myself as.. a positive influence??? lmao???

[writingwithcolor]

What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines. 

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.” 

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.” 

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time. 

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse,  WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

[multiplefandomsblog]

Can i request how different idv characters would act as roommates? Eli, Helena, Luca, Edgar, Vera, Norton and Fiona if thats alright with you :DDD

warnings? kinda suggestive, crack fic, cussing

mod toby and mod bread helped me do this fic, its a bit all over the place but it was fun so no regrets

Eli Clark

I feel like being roommates with eli would be pretty pleasant

everything would be clean all the time

he’s the type of kid that everyone wants on their team because of how good he is at everything

so if you scored a roomie like him, you got super lucky

if you left a mess he wouldn’t get mad, he would probably just clean it up himself and leave a sticky note that said to clean up ur mess next time(but not like, passive aggressively)

ofc you would clean up after the cute sticky note, bc who can say no to this bb? 

If you don’t clean up tho, brooke rose will probably shit on your hair when u sleep

tbh you’ve always wondered what eli looked like without his eye mask

so one time when Eli was sleeping, you went next to his bed to try and take his eye mask off and see what he looks like.

You took off the mask and found out it was a dummy 

a few seconds later you heard footsteps and you turned around

Eli came up behind you and knocked you out with a bat

you two don’t speak of that day.

Brooke kept screeching last night, and you got no sleep at all, so I guess we’re having chicken for dinner 

Unless you had a good reason, then eli and brooke prob won’t mind cleaning up after u

I can imagine you going back to your shared room in the manor after a rough match and seeing eli just sweeping the room in an apron and a cloth covering his hair looking like cinderella

“Honey, I’m home!”

basically if you lived with eli, you basically had a husband/mom/wife???

If you came back to the manor, beaten up and bruised from the last match he would prob pester you and nag you

while cleaning up you wounds he would prob say, “You have to be more careful, im always worrying. You’re gonna give your mom a heart attack!”

seriously tho, don’t worry this bb, he would actually have a heart attack

Helena Adams

i think living with helena would probably feel like some sort of kdrama

she might be a bit clumsy and trip over a few things, falling into your arms bc of her blindness

though she might be doing it on purpose

If you moved things in the room without telling her, she would probably get mad

for example, you move the sofa chair a little bit to the right bc you thought it looked better

helena walks in the room, sits down on the sofa chair and ends up accidentally sitting on the sofa chair arm rest instead

resulting in her bottom hurting and a very long talk with you

she got her revenge weeks later

she had asked you to check under her bed for monsters because she couldn’t do it herself

you were teasing her for still being afraid of monsters but looked underneath anyways

low and behold, 

she put a mirror there.

will even wack you with her cane if you’re being annoying

Her cane is pretty affective in shutting you up lol only sometimes

“Hey Helena, are you braille? ‘cause i can read you like a book when i touch yo-” *wack* *moans*

helena: ...

you: ...

helena: ...im leaving

you: heleNA WAIT-

One time everyone at the manor was celebrating Helena’s birthday with a piñata, 2 seconds later she was beating the shit out of Luca with her cane

even after everyone’s been yelling that he wasn’t the piñata

One time you and Helena had a staring contest because you were both bored.

She won.

sometimes to get her close to you, you would sit on the sofa chair super quietly and still

And then you’d wait for her to come and sit on your lap thinking it was the chair

and it would work 

she would probably sit on your lap for a few minutes, confused as to why the chair felt elevated

and then she would feel your arms snake around her waist

and she would- “whAT THE FUCK- SCREEEEEEE”

she would probably make a cute bird noise and then just sit there, not knowing if she should leave or not

in her head, “THEIR LAP IS SO WARM OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T THIS HAPPEN SOONER”

in real life, “let go of me you pathetic mortal”

you’d beg her to stay on ur lap longer and she would cave in

but she didn’t stay because she liked you! baka

Luca Balsa

living with luca will probably be the opposite of eli’s

messes, everywhere

inventions, everywhere

at one point though you had a sneaking suspicion he might be a bunch of rats.

 you saw him outside crouching beside you guys’ room with a bunch of rats coming out his sleeve and running into a crack in the building

“its for science!”

he’s also super scared of helena

Luca doesn’t like to admit it, but he got his purple eye from Helena after he made a bad pick-up line for the blind. 

She’s been chanting “one of us” and threatening to “finish the job” ever since.

he’s basically a big baby that needs to be taken care of

i feel like he might break down sometimes from not doing his invention right, or feeling insecure

but i guess his rats are there to help

but since he had a roomie, he wouldn’t be able to cry on his own

and its a good thing because he doesnt have to do everything by himself anymore

he learns to ask for help when living with you

you’d help him through his episodes and he would slowly start to become more reliant on you

if he was feeling a bit moody, he would unconsciously try to find you to cuddle with

if you lived with him, you’d probably have to be very responsible

luca would have his own bed that he would never sleep in because he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you in his arms

everytime he shifts in bed, you’d feel a tiny shock

it kinda bothered you so

you pranked Luca by touching him with those zappy ring things you’d get from a dollar store.

You just wanted that mother fucker to get a taste of his own medicine

he would basically be a puppy that follow you around, he would constantly old your head

probably refers to you as his

like if you downed a shot that barmaid made for you, he would be like, “EYYYY THATS MY BABy-heurghrhgh”

now you have a drunk baby that you have to take care of

You tried giving luca a shower afterwards, now you know how it feels getting electrocuted.

And trust me, Luca and water do not mix.

good luck have fun

Edgar Valden

living with edgar would consist of 

1. edgar being super specific of what was his and what you can’t touch

2. big tsundere baby

3. sketches of you hiding in his sketch book

if you lived with edgar, you’d have to be super patient with his nagging or else you’d have to find a new roomie

he’s constantly nagging you

but if you are tired of it and give him the silent treatment, he’d probably just nag you even more for attention

you need to give this man attention or else

you ignored him for a whole day once because he said something mean

he decided to give you some milk and cookies as an apology

the ‘milk’ was his muddy paint water and the cookies were expired

i feel like one day you two would be arguing about who moved his stuff, your argument being he unconsciously moved his stuff, his argument being you moved his stuff

you guys were so heated up you didn’t notice how close you two were getting

edgar ended up pouncing on you like a feral dog

though when you woke up, you both agreed that you ended up winning the argument

when you’re reading or just doing nothing, he’d ask to sketch you or paint you

i-its not because he thinks you’re beautiful or anything

its just because he thinks that your whole self is aesthetically pleasing and pleasing to the eye- but not because he thinks you’re pretty!

sometimes when he was super focused on his art, he wouldn’t notice your figure slowly approach him

you’d boop his nose and watch as he froze

wh- hoW DARE YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON A VALDEN

secretly tho, he really loves it when you do that.

like

do it more

please or not whatever

Vera Nair

Vera would probably be a bit anxious when she heard she was gonna get a roomie

but she would do her best to be at her best behaviour

she’s very well mannered and is very polite

she’d kinda be the type to silently care for you

like, she’d notice the little things that bothered you and made sure they wouldn’t bother you ever again

like, if you stubbed your toe alot, she would give everything that you could stub your toe with, rubber covers or socks

but she wouldn’t tell you it was her even though it was obviously her

if you fell asleep on your desk instead of your bed, she would probably but a blanket on ur shoulders and a pillow underneath where you left your head

she’s the thoughtful type

before you went for matches, she’d give you a cheek kiss for good luck

and if you did the same, she would probably play it cool but then panic a second later.

theykissedmetheykissedmetheykissedme-

im sorry this is short idk what to do for her-

Norton Campbell

oh BOY

once norton starts to warm up to you, you guys are basically married

like there was no proposal, just “do you take this man to be your husband- you can’t say no”

he would probably take care of you alot

even when you didn’t need it

i can do it mysel- no

but actually, before he warmed up to you he was pretty cold, 

he felt himself growing feelings for you

and he didn’t want to because he was afraid he would lose you and he would have to go through the heartbreak of losing someone all over again

he would leave the room to go hang out somewhere else

he would keep his distance and not talk with you much

but there was this one time where you woke up with him around you, you just pretended you didn’t wake up and relished in the feeling

it took some time, but eventually he warmed up to you

though he still constantly worries about you, he doesn’t want you to get hurt

during matches he would always take hits for you, and just stay closer to you in general

he wanted to make sure you got back to the manor safely, it didn’t matter if he was sent back via rocket chair

he always put you as his #1 priority

he also gets jealous super easily, he’s scared someone will swoop you away from him

so to make sure everyone knows that you belong to him, he’d give you his clothes to wear

not only do his clothes look adorable on you, everyone will know that you’re his

probably pester you a lot if you tripped or got a paper cut

“yoU COULD HAVE DIED” “IT WAS A PAPER CUT”

Once, Norton got stuck to the fridge like a magnet for 5 hours

He’s been using that as an excuse to force you to bring him his snacks every since.

pick up lines are a definite yes

sometimes you’d be shitting and you’d hear outside the bathroom door a faint,

“My love for you is like Diarrhea.” “norton what the fuck im shitting-” “i just can’t hold it in” cue camera zooming in on his face and him smirking into the camera “OH MY GOD WHY”

like Luca, his bed is useless. he always needs you in his arms when sleeping, he wants to protect you and just feel you closer to him

puts him at ease

kisses? hell yes.

if you had to go to a match without him he would send you off with a ton of gross wet kisses on your face ew

He might even try to seduce you into staying

“norton I’m gonna lose morality points!” “fuck your morality points, i wanna smash”

Fiona Gilman

I feel like fiona would probably super psyched when she heard about sharing rooms with you

I headcanon her to be super bubbly and social but when she is alone with her thoughts she’d probably regret everything 

“why did i say that why did i say that why did i say that-”

probably prays to god, “please kill me”

she tries her best to make sure you’re comfortable

she doesnt make a big mess and she makes sure she cleans up after herself, overall a pretty cool roommate

except for those times for when she tries to babtize you while you’re showering-

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING” “THE LORD SHALL CLEANSE YOUR SOUL WITH HOLY WATER-” “what the f- iS THIS ALCOHOL???”

this has happened too many times^^^

one time she accidentally created an ultra portal in the toilet. 

Y’all still have no idea where it leads, and no intent of finding out. 

Although, Kreacher has been complaining of some nasty stuff appearing in his room

i feel like during matches she would always call you with her portals to say hi or just give you a small kiss

it stopped being cute when she went through the portal and ended up seeing the hunter instead of you

mentally scarred from that

sometimes things would disappear in your shared room too, not only the toilet

you’re convinced she has a bunch of hidden portals in the room

like, one time you dropped a pencil and it went through the ground.

you never saw it again

Or you know that missing sock?

Portaled.

i dont know what this turned into

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

hi, idk if this is okay but here goes... this blog's really helped me a lot in recovery from AN. i've been doing well lately. since diagnosis, i've been on my own with this bc the mental health system in my country is broken. i guess my question is, do you have any tips for continuing recovery during grief? a really close friend has just passed and i can't get myself to stomach even a bite. i just don't know what to do, i'm lost. thanks in advance, it's okay if you don't reply to this, really.

Hey! I am so glad this blog could help you, it’s truly an honor! Also I live in America, my healthcare system also sucks ass. Recently had symptoms of kidney infection- couldn’t go to an in person doctor because the only place that took my insurance was closed in my city and they wouldn’t set me an appointment in person, though I tried to get one. Basically just had to tough it out- it sucked. Basically trying to validate you- having shitty healthcare is basically the worst.

As for grief, I am really sorry to hear that your friend passed away. It’s an absolutely horrible thing to go through, for every good memory you had with them you have to remember time and time again that they aren’t here anymore, and that’s a feeling that takes a really long time to become more okay with. Not that it’s the same thing, as everyone’s relationship with grief is different, but I lost a close grandmother on January 30th, 2020. I mourn her everyday, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. Still is. I miss her every day, and think about her all the time.

So some words on grief.

1. Cheesy, but it does get better with time.

I read an allegory for grief, and I have found it to be true. Grief is like a big ball inside of a tiny box (which represents you). Every time the ball touches the side of the box- it hurts really bad. You cry, you stare at the wall for hours, you lose your appetite, a lot of things. At first- your ball of grief is huge- and it’s constantly and randomly hitting the sides of the box. For me- the time around my grandmother’s death and funeral, I was completely out of commission. I couldn’t stop crying, and when I did I couldn’t focus on anything. I was completely incompacitated for weeks. But then- over time, the ball of grief gets smaller and smaller, and touches the side of the box less and less. Now, I can think about her without bursting into tears, I look back on my time with her with a sense of nostalgia rather than sharp pain most of the time. Now while my ball of grief is smaller- sometimes it still randomly touches the sides of my box, and I break down crying (hell- I am tearing up now lol). That’s okay. It’s all apart of the process. The grief never fully goes away- but it becomes less and less consuming. This does not mean you love your loved one any less, it just means your body gets better at metabolizing their absence so it hurts less. Also not you can’t force the ball to get smaller before it’s ready to (believe me- I tried). Just let it happen.

2. Express your emotions healthily

Want to know what not to do? Keep your emotions locked into your chest. Especially if you have an ED, it’s important to let yourself cry as hard and as often as you need to. What you don’t get out now will bite you in the ass later. It’s so, so painful. I have never cried so hard in my entire life than I did at my grandmother’s funeral, I couldn’t even get a word of apology out. It felt awful, and vulnerable, and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Crying is not fun, but it was necessary. Afterwards, I felt soooo much better. This is because crying chemically is like letting the extra air out of a balloon about to pop. There is no shame in it. Do it, and do it often. As often as you need, don’t hold it in. Let the pain come, and then when it is ready it will pass. Remember what you don’t process now you most certainly will be forced to process later in the form of chronic pain, worse depression, worse ED symptoms, and worse health. Let it out.

3. There is no wrong way to grieve

So I just spent all that time talking about crying- but it’s also possible that your grief will express itself in other ways, such as feeling numb, or even feeling fine. The key thing is to not judge how your body metabolizes this. Let it do what it needs to do, and do not judge it. To it body will do what it needs to do, fighting it is a pointless uphill battle. Accept it with self compassion, console yourself like a friend would. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel numb, or to cry, or to be okay, etc. let it happen.

4. Reach out for support

Be it from a friend, a family member, or a therapist (or best- all three!) if you feel like it would help you, reach out and talk about how you are feeling, or do something distracting. Mod Lia and I called the night I saw my grandmother for the last time, and we didn’t talk about it much at all. We watched She-ra. That helped a lot. Later I called another friend and talked about how I was feeling. Later I talked about it with Mod Lia, too. And of course my therapist- who helped me process it in a healthy way. On that note, especially with an Ed, if you can, get a therapist. Do it. Better than anybody they will be able to help you find the healthiest way to grieve, and help provide tips and accountability for preventing the worsening of an ED.

5. Tips on not drop kicking your ED behaviors further into hell

Having a schedule for eating (and other necessary activities) really helped me. At certain times, regardless of wether or not I was hungry, I forced myself to eat just because it was food time. Doing this prevents you from slipping into ED behaviors, especially when it is easy to do. Having a therapist or a willing friend to hold you accountable can also help. Express your emotions healthily. Talk to your loved one still, on walks or however. Talk about them in conversation. Do things that remind you of them. Make a memorial for them- whatever that means to you. Allow them to still occupy space in your life, if that feels right. If not, that’s fine. Taking care of yourself is hard, but if you don’t you are going to make it worse for yourself. It’s like puting an ankleweight in when you are already drowning. Take intentional steps (such as setting reminders and alarms) to ensure you take care of yourself, and even see if there are people who would do it with you. Like if you are having a hard time eating, see if a friend will have lunch with you every day at a certain time, or a couple different people (over the phone if need be). Plans, for me, really help me keep it together.

To sum it up, the biggest thing is to not fight the grieving process, set specific schedules for different aspects of self care (with alarms), reach out when you need help, and be patient because it takes time.

There is nothing I can say to make your loss feel better, but it is so hard to lose someone, and I’m sorry you have to go through that. Be patient, don’t expect a ton of productivity out of yourself, and just wait out these unpleasant storms. Thing are never going to feel the same ever again, but eventually you will get used to a new normal, and that doesn’t mean you are doing them an injustice. Keep remembering them, and be patient with yourself.

Best of wishes,

Mod Cass

[marshmallowprotection]

Oh, those were some premium quality goods there, good stuff™*nods with gratitude I've recently read this really angsty Saeran fic that broke my heart, your stuff managed to mend it

I can’t relate.  But I can fulfill your wishes. If I could eat any type of solid food anymore it would be straight-up sweets… just cake. A lot of cake. I must be a masochist because Idk how I would manage with Saeran knowing he can bake the good stuff. 

Saeran w/ an MC who doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth. 

“Y/N!” Saeran said, looking at you with those eyes of his. “I made these just for you. I know how much you love them.” 

There’s nothing you can say, except, “O-Oh. Um, you didn’t have to do that, Saeran!” 

You’re staring at him with a reluctant smile on your face. He’s holding out a tray of sweets in front of you. There are all kinds of great looking things that would make any kid lose their mind from the sheer sugar high they might have if they ate one too many. 

“I just wanted to. I know I don’t have to do anything but I love seeing the smile on your face.” He hums, nodding his head.

“Thanks, Saeran. I- I really appreciate it.” 

Oh, God. You really don’t like sweets. But you can’t just tell him that right now. You’ve already told him that you love his sweets. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, you took something from him and swallowed it. You are a filthy liar and you hate yourself for lying. 

Okay. Look. Here’s the deal. 

You really don’t want to destroy the look on Saeran’s face when he gives you something that he’s baked. You know the way he looks whenever he thinks he’s done something good for you. He literally does it almost every day… because he really likes to be the one that cooks, not that he doesn’t let you do it. Often times you’ll join him when he’s making a meal, he likes to spend that time with you. He’s really good at what he does. It’s a gift. 

But, he actually bakes a lot of sweets. 

Like, a lot. 

It’s almost therapeutic for him. He can get into a groove and wind up making a lot more then he intended to do because he gets in a good place with his head. It’s just one of the little habits that help him routinely feel more like a normal person. And often times, you’re the one that gets to have the first taste. He wants your opinion. 

Also, Saeran really wants to see you look pleased with something that he’s done. 

That’s really just it. 

You’ve often eaten his cupcakes and lied straight through your teeth to him with a smile on your face. It wasn’t that they tasted awful, or that they were bad. No, they were probably one of the nicest sweet things that you’ve eaten in your life! You just didn’t really have a sweet tooth and usually went out of your way to not eat sweets. There’s nothing wrong with them. It just doesn’t fit your taste pallet. You just don’t really like sweets. 

But you know that he does, and it’s something that he loves. By God, the man hums in the kitchen when he’s working with a pastry bag for Pete’s sake. Hw could you ever break his spirit by telling him that you just don’t like them?

 How can you imagine how defeated he would look? 

You can’t! 

You knew that you should have just been honest with him the first time he asked you to try something, and just told him that you didn’t really like sweets but no, you panicked at the crucial moment and you commit to your lies… even if that’s a terrible thing to do and you know it is. 

You just eat what you can when he’s in the room and then you get rid of it when he’s gone. It’s okay. You can live like this for the rest of your life if it means you won’t destroy your precious Saeran.

However, this ignorance is bliss state can’t last forever.

You wind up getting caught when you’re trying to get rid of the evidence by tossing out the other half of the pastry you had bitten into when he was still into the room because he walks back in to ask you something and catches like a kid with their hand stuck in the cookie jar. 

You just stare at him and blurt, “Uh. Hey.” 

“Hey,” Saeran repeats as he stares at you back. 

“It’s not what it looks like?” You offer weakly in rebuff but that isn’t going to cut it. So you wind up having to come clean about the whole situation and you literally dug your own grave by lying to him about this whole thing. Frankly, it’s kind of silly that you would do this but- you can’t help yourself in this mess. 

You’re really expecting him to be a little upset about everything but he doesn’t seem too upset. He just takes in this information without saying anything until you finish explaining yourself. 

Rather than scold you, or get mad, he just sighs. 

“Y/N, why did you just tell me you didn’t like sweets in the first place instead of doing that?” Saeran is exasperated as he runs his hands through his hair, “It wouldn’t have bothered me if you just told me that. I would have been making things you actually like if that was the case this whole time!” 

You just bow your head in shame. “I know, I know. I should have just been honest with you from the start. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings, you always seemed so happy when you were baking things. I just didn’t want to let you down by saying I didn’t like it. Because you really are great at baking I just… don’t like sweets.”  

Saeran sighs once again and approaches you before you can dart off out of the room before he can speak again. He cups your cheeks in his heads so that you can’t look away from him. “You would never hurt my feelings, Y/N, not when you’re being honest with me. I can handle it. I hate that you felt like you had to pretend.” 

“I really like how happy you look when you do something for me. I didn’t want to ruin that for you,” you murmured. “I just didn’t want to break your heart by admitting I don’t like something you like.” 

“You could never hurt me like that!” Saeran insisted. “I’m not upset. I feel a little awful that I let you make yourself assume it would be awful if you didn’t like my sweets. Now that I know what it is that you prefer, I can make things for you that I know you’ll actually like this time and you won’t feel so guilty about anything.” 

“…You aren’t angry?” 

“Never… not with you.”

“Oh. I guess I was just being irrational about this whole thing… then. I’m sorry, Saeran.”

“It’s alright, Y/N. I can look on the bright side. It means that there are more sweets for me.” 

What a relief and a huge weight off your chest he gives you by saying those words. Saeran is so understanding and loving towards you. You should have realized he would be okay with that. You had been worried for nothing, after all. 

💜 Mod Kait 💜

[thecrazyanimegirl]

Fall Anime ‘18

We ended up watching a little less this season, we had to drop some because we just had no time, but it was a good season ^^ finally the golden kamuy second season and even space battleship tiramisu! 

Since we often have similar opinions about the anime we watch, so we will make our review this time a little bit different, we’ll just put our general opinion on it, something all three mods agree on.

{ Winter ‘17/’18 }  { Spring ‘18 } { Summer ‘18 }

Akanesasu Shoujo 

It got a little better as episodes when on and it was interesting in some ways when you power through all those cliche scenes of getting power by accepting yourself stuff.

Armor Shop For Ladies And Gentleman 

Short and funny, if you can handle the boob jokes xD It would be more entertaining if the story progressed a little bit faster rather than showing how the three coworkers live together. Also had some much too much prolonged meaningless scenes that ate away the already short duration of the 4 minute episodes.

Ass Miss Beelzebub Likes 

Hell as you’ve never seen it before, all cute and fluffy, with fallen angels and demons being normal desk workers and falling in love ^^ A really cute romance story, the characters are adorable and lovable! It was amazing if you like the genre!

Bakumatsu

Not sure why this is getting a second season, I was really tempted to drop it, it just didn’t keep me interested in the story and had too many characters that are just there and idk what they all wanted. (Only neko finished the season, the rest dropped it lol)

Bloom Into You 

A really sweet yuri anime ^^ It really focuses on their relationship, on the deepening of their feelings for each other and their problems and growth as individuals. It’s soft, easygoing and filled with happy feelings, but at the same time tackles some harder themes, like the feeling of inability too love, unrequited love, losing a loved one and learning to live without them, the different “faces” people have etc.

Dakaretai Otoko 1-i ni Odosarete Imasu

Our dream has come true! A classical BL manga turned anime with no shame with showing the juicy stuff and centered on the relationship of these two hot guys. The angst is mostly unnecessary, but we’ll take what we can get!  

Double Decker! Doug and Kirill

A detective story with a lot of action, humor and lovable characters! Yes, it’s not plot heavy and isn’t an anime that will swipe you off your feet, but it’s different, completely acceptant of diversity, has great humor and, overall, loved it! It has some charm to it that is undeniable!

Gakuen Basara 

Funny AU adaptation of the original series, Sengoku Basara. For those who are thirsty for more content and want to see their favorite characters in a new art style, this is definitely a must watch.

Goblin Slayer

Amazing! Loved loved it! Although, it has violence and rape, so it isn’t for everyone, but it has depth and it’s really interesting. The action is cool and Goblin Slayer-san is even cooler! Loved the other characters too. Totally looked forward to each episode each week, it was definite that the next episode will be great too ^^

Hey, your cat ears are showing!

A really cute shounen ai story (which I didn’t even know, so I was quite surprised when some feelings started to show up xD) about a guy who finds a stray cat who turns out to be a boy! Pure and short.

I’m glad I could keep running

A four-episode story about a guy who tries to become a voice actor. A great story, it’s well paced and worth the watch! And the actual voice actors are also popular and great too!

Jingai-san no Yome

Changing between creepy and cute, it’s a short anime about teenagers being married off to supernatural creatures. Since it’s only 3 minutes per ep, we finished watching it, and it had its cute and funny moments

Karakuri Circus

It’s a bit different, has a unique art style and story, but it’s really good! Kinda expected more of the circus part and less puppets haha, but nevertheless, the main characters are interesting, there are great battle scenes and the story is intriguing. It sometimes had unnecessary angsty scenes with no actual plot, but other than that, a really underrated anime this season that deserves more attention! ~

Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet

It’s a typical romeo and juliet story. Didn’t hate it, but didn’t love it either. 

Merc Storia: Mukiryoku no Shounen to Bin no Naka no Shoujo  

It’s cute and soft and the fact it has many stories makes it less boring, but it’s still a childish anime so you’ll only like it if you are a child like me (in heart).

Radiant

Yes, another overly ecstatic kid who wants to save the world and has mysterious powers, but! It kinda works with this one, it’s actually really good ^^ The characters are cute and funny, it’s easy to watch and if you’re still not on board, there is Dragunov, a really hot guy with amazing hair and cooking skills ;) 

RErideD: Derrida, who leaps through time

The first five episodes are extremely promising, but the rest is not so fulfilling. It’s interesting enough to keep watching, the whole idea is pretty good, but somehow it’s lacking in depth and explanations. Much better binge watched then watched one ep a week.

Run with the Wind

If you ever tried running in your life, you will sympathize with the characters BECAUSE. IT. IS. REALLY. HARD. This anime will warm up your heart seeing how each of the boys try to do fight for their life goals and at the same time, the running helps each of them them in a unique way.

Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai 

Even if the title screams ecchi, it really is not. And it’s really good! The plot is interesting, unique and compelling to watch, loved the characters and their interactions. 

Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san

Since this anime depicts how japanese bookstores work, there are quite some interesting things few would think of. It’s comedic way of showing the everyday life of a bookseller and short episodes is perfect if you are interested in knowing more about the japanese culture. 

So Many Colors in the Future What a Wonderful World

A really beautiful, magical and aesthetic anime! The animation is wonderful and the story is sweet and interesting. It’s a warm story about a girl that is unable to see color and is sent back to the past by her grandma. It’s mostly about friendship and bonds that you make with people that will never disappear. 

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

Didn’t really expect much from the title, it sounded like there will be a lot of clothes melting and girls screaming haha But it ended up amazing! Love the plot, the characters, the battle scenes and it’s really a sure thing that each episode is going to be great ^^ It’s easygoing yet interesting. An isekai anime done right!

Tsurune: Kazemai Koukou Kyuudoubu

Love it! The characters have really touched our hearts! It is not as good as novel, but the anime is still beautiful so we can forget that (not forgive though). The novel has a completely different feel to it. (Not saying the anime is bad, it’s actually really good and the characters and plot are still amazing, but it’s just different)

Voice of Fox

I liked the anime, but the ending didn’t really solve anything. It felt like like they were just glossing over the bad stuff with singing? It is mostly angst in the later episodes and after the so promising first couple of eps it’s kinda disappointing, but overall, it still keeps the viewer interested and has a lot of potential if they fill the plot holes.

Zombieland Saga

Miyano Mamoru having a blast being a manager for seven zombie girls who he trains to be idols. Extremely hilarious, good music and actually has some real feels! Loved it! ^^

Hero Mask

Doesn’t really fit in the season time frames, but Netflix released another anime! (and I think that it needs a bigger fandom so I’m putting it here hehe) It is a bit more slow-paced than most anime, but if you like a good crime story, you’ll probably like this ^^ Great animation, loved the fight scenes, the story is also really good and has some powerful girl characters! 

Dropped:��Ms. vampire who lives in my neighborhood., Release the Spyce, Ulysses: Jeanne d'Arc to Renkin no Kishi

[cooper-draws]

I had this idea to draw Cooper in a different outfit for the Spring/Summer so i made a Sun Bun! :3

This outfit (in this case a white tank top w/ a loose blue shirt w/ black capris pants) was heavily inspired by an outfit worn by Anna in “When Marine Was There”, I’m sure if you’ve seen that movie you can see the resemblance.

I thought he would look cute in an outfit like that so I drew him in it & decided this is his outfit for when a long-sleeved shirt under a short-sleeved shirt with long black jeans isn’t weather appropriate.

ANYWAY this drawing took forever but thanks for your patience! This will probably be the last drawing I do just digitally, I find if I sketch out my drawings on paper first things go a lot quicker so I’ll probably be doing that from now on until I get a new tablet.

Mod Commentary under the break!

for the record i’ve never actually seen “When Marine Was There” BUT I PLAN TO but anyway the straps may have been a bra in that movie? here they’re from a tanktop, i just couldn’t find a way to comfortably show it other than the straps without it looking weird (i tried to have the bottom of it sticking out from under the shirt but it just didn’t look right so i just stuck with the straps). i don’t particularly care if it looks like a bra i just thought the outfit in general was cute and the straps were a part of that but for the record cooper doesn’t have boobs so it’s a tanktop and not a bra js (in retrospect i probably should’ve added more to the upper exposed chest area but i think that would’ve just made it look more like a bra so it’s whatever, the important part was the straps).

THIS TOOK AN ETERNITY cuz yea this was another one i drew 100% digitally while the last thing i drew (cooper saying good morning to cristabelle) was a drawing that i drew in my sketchbook first and i finished it that night (although it didn’t have color that was a stylistic choice because the art it was in response to wasn’t colored either) but i definitely could’ve colored it if i’d felt like it, that’s usually the easiest part

there were definitely some issues regarding cooper’s white fur parts, especially on his hands ;w; but i never like to get stuck on those things, all i really want to do/tell myself is to do better next time.

i did make an effort to make his paw beans more 3d this time around instead of just circles and i think they’re good for the most part! i changed the shape of his palm bean to something more like i’ve been meaning to draw instead of what i’ve been drawing which was more of a compromise since i didn’t actually know how to draw the palm bean that well yet

it only occurred to me in this drawing that i can move his whiskers wherever so while the whisker on your left isn’t perfectly aligned with the whiskers on the right, i feel like that’s okay because whiskers are things that you can move so he has his right (your left) ones up a little bit because before the top whisker lined up right with the tips of his fingers and it looked really weird, and the 2nd one intersected the lines of a bean (the thumb bean i think?) so moving them also fixed that

i also had the idea to make his shirt a little more loose at the bottom, like have it flowing in the wind or something but i decided against it because i wanted this to be more of a static pose and also because it looks more like his shirt actually fits him, if i wanted to i probably could’ve made it hang a little bit but ultimately i think it just would’ve looked strange so i didn’t do it at all

WHILE THESE DO HAVE AN UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO MY AVATARS I PROMISE I DIDN’T TRACE ANYTHING I’VE JUST GOT THIS SHIT DOWN TO A SCIENCE AT THIS POINT or just muscle memory i guess, i just draw & put things where i feel they fit correctly and it all ends up looking the same so i guess that’s just how it is, i’ll try to experiment with more varied head shapes and stuff in my sketchbook probably

there was also a point where his left shoulder looked too skinny and that’s because i had no sense of how shirts worked (how the fabric hangs when you have your arm out like that) so i did actually end up fixing that and it looks a lot better now so that’s cool

i like this one mainly because i got to draw cooper without so much stuff covering his arms & legs, and i got to show off a little bit of his chest which has a white pattern that goes all the way down to the bottom of his tummy (we don’t see that here but i’m js that’s what it looks like)

i like this pose too much lol even tho i’ve only drawn it twice (once with sofia & once right here) but idk just every time i think about drawing a character i imagine them in this pose, especially his left hand, i keep doing that cuz idk i think it’s cute and i’m tryna keep my characters’ hands out from behind their back so that’s just kinda what i default to (also so it doesn’t cover any of their clothing which i like to show off)

i made the sunglasses version last-minute because i got the idea for it when i drew the “sun bun” with sunglasses i was like hm... we can’t NOT have cooper also wearing sunglasses just like the bun on his shirt so i did a quick one of that too, please ignore how the sunglasses have no temples just assume they fit on his face perfectly, no more questions, i’m really bad at perspective atm so i think they’d look really weird also his ears aren’t down there so what would they even be holding on to there’s no point

ALSO HAVING THIS SHIRT SAY “SUN BUN” INSTEAD OF “FUN BUN” BECAUSE IT’S HIS SPRING/SUMMER SHIRT WAS LITERALLY LIKE THE ONLY THING I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE WHOLE TIME I WAS DRAWING THIS BESIDES THE BUN ALSO WEARING SUNGLASSES ASLDKFJLASJOISEJKL

at some point i was debating on whether or not to make the tank top gray like the cuffs of his pants in this case, but it felt like not only was he wearing overalls or something but also that there was too much of that one color on him so i decided to keep it white just to mix things up and not have it blend in so much with the rest of his colors, especially since with color it looked like something i didn’t want it to (overalls)

i think this took so long because i hadn’t drawn a full-body of cooper with the new method i use to draw legs yet so i kept trying to get his butt to form into his legs correctly without making him look too skinny and eventually i got it right (this is why i want to sketch things out before i digitize them so i have more control over my lines, it took so long because it had to be one perfect stroke otherwise it would look bad, drawing that out on paper first would fix that because on paper i have 100% control over where my lines go unlike in SAI where they often like to flip all over the fuckken place)

but yea i definitely don’t have drawing paws down, especially not at angles, but y’know small steps, like i said i try not to get stuck on stuff like that, if it looks good enough i just move on and do better next time

TO THAT END I SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE MY CHARACTERS KNEES/KNEECAPS AT SOME POINT I JUST GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT NOT LOOK WEIRD SLADKJFLSDJFOISDJFLKSEJFOISJEKL

i drew his other foot behind the foreground foot because i didn’t know what else to do with it, but i didn’t want it in the exact same pose so i made it look like he has a little kick in his step which i thought was cute c:

I HAD TO LOOK UP CAPRIS BECAUSE IDK THE MEASUREMENTS THEY’RE LIKE ALL OVER THE FUCKKEN PLACE so basically the length i went for was “not quite shorts, not quite pants” and it looks like capris so they’re good enough lol, at some point they basically looked like rolled up jeans which isn’t what capris are so i made the ends look more like cuffs instead of rolled-up pant legs

ALSO at some point i had his shirt fold over his shoulders a lot like moria’s shirt, and while it looked okay i didn’t want to do that twice and i also wanted it to look more like Anna’s outfit from the movie so i looked back at the gif i had saved and redrew that to look closer to Anna’s outfit like i wanted

the background used to be a blue gradient and i was going to put the sun there but all-in-all it just looked bad so i kept the blue gradient and shoved the “hue” slider all the way to the right and it gave me this cool like sunset/summer tea color so i added some translucent circles to that and i thought it looked like a summer drink in the background so i liked that and kept it

his sleeves look kinda uneven but i assume it’s just the different angles they’re at so i didn’t really bother trying to fix those, also i didn’t know any way to draw the paw beans on his left hand without them looking weird so i didn’t draw them there either, just assume they’re too flat & don’t stick out that much so that you’d be able to see them from that perspective, same with his feet kinda except they’re facing more away so it makes a little more sense for them

anyway i think that’s it for now, i hope you enjoyed this drawing and hopefully the next one will be quicker! thanks for reading & see y’all next time!<3

[hpconsentfest]

Weekly Roundup 1

Hey All! Here’s our first HD Consent Fest Weekly Roundup! If you’ve missed some of the works as they’ve been released, here’s the list of what was posted this week. 

Thanks to all the creators, (cheer)readers, and commenters for getting the fest of to a cracking start! <3

ART:

Title: Suits and Serenity Artist: Anonymous Prompt: 3: One works as a public defender, the other works for the prosecutor’s office. The sparks fly both in and out of the courtroom. # 3 Rating: PG Warnings/Content Notes: Established married relationship Summary: “You looked hot out there today.” “Don’t I always?” “Mhm, can I kiss you now?” "I thought you’d never ask” Medium: Digital Art Artist’s Notes: So, I decided not to go with explicitly showing what they do after Harry attains Draco’s consent, because I felt it would take away from the essence of the art. My vision is to show that even after years of their marriage, Harry and Draco still ask for each other’s consent. They look comfortable in the drawing due to an established relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it would stop them from asking each other’s permission before just kissing. Thank you to the mods for arranging such a wonderful fest! It truly has been a pleasure!

Suits and Serenity

FIC:

Title: Start a Revolution (From My Bed) Author: Anonymous Prompt: # 54 Rating: T Warnings/Content Notes: Eighth Year, Coming of Age, Pining, Humour, Persons of Colour Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, Supportive Ron Weasley, Friendship, Open/Hopeful Ending, Sexism, Racism, Very Brief Mention of Past Abortion, Gender Studies, Party, Alcohol, Breakfast, Jam, Footnotes, Crafts Summary: Harry’s coming of age starts at breakfast. A peek into the lives of the Eighth Years as they become bona fide feminists over jam and croquet. Featuring the fear of growing apart, Blur and a pink cravat. Word Count: 29755 Author’s Notes: The title is taken from ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ by Oasis. Many thanks to the mods, my alpha and my betas. This couldn’t have happened without you.

Start a Revolution (From My Bed)

Title: Cold Like Fire Author: Anonymous Prompt: Draco giving a “Consent is Sexy” training at the Ministry after there had been problems with witches and wizards being harassed. Draco using Harry to demonstrate ways to ask for consent? Rating: Mature Warnings/Content Notes: Discussions of consent theory, reference to rape in theory only Summary: Head Auror, Harry Potter, had no problem with mandatory consent training for his team. He’d actually been looking forward to it, that is until he discovered who the teacher was. Now, he had no idea how he was going to get through the training without throwing a hex at Draco Malfoy. Or a punch. Word Count: 12k Author’s Notes: Love to my beta BB.

Cold Like Fire

Title: A Gift for Draco Author: Anonymous Prompt: #66 - When Harry can’t think of a Valentines present for Draco, he teams up with budding photographer Pansy Parkinson to take nudes (the photos can only be seen by the person who gave them and the person they’re given to) all over Hogwarts to surprise his boyfriend. # 66 Rating: Explicit Warnings/Content Notes: No Warnings Apply Summary:Though their new relationship is going well, both Harry and Draco have trouble communicating and are holding back from taking things to the next level–both emotionally and sexually. When Harry decides he is ready for more, he stumbles over how to start the conversation, but figures out a plan with the help of his friends. He comes up with the perfect Valentine’s Day gift to show Draco trust, commitment, and desire: sexy pictures of his naked arse. Thankfully, Pansy Parkinson has a camera and is willing to help… Word Count: 33,492 Author’s Notes: Huge thank you to the Mods for this awesome, positive sexy Consent Fest! It was a lot of fun to explore themes of consent, changing boundaries, and finding creative ways to communicate consent in a relationship. Many thanks to my beta, D, who fixed typos, workshopped dialogue, and squished a bunch of ramblings into a story with a theme. Disclaimer - I don’t own them.

A Gift for Draco

Title: When Nightmares Lead to Day Dreams Author: Anonymous Prompt: #22 Rating: Explicit Warning/Content Notes: No archive warnings apply Summary: Harry Potter didn’t want to return to Hogwarts for 8th year, concerned that the castle held too many terrible memories. Lacking any other plan, though, he agreed. He soon discovered how right AND how wrong he was. Word Count: 9,231 Author’s Notes: First, I want to thank the ConsentFest Mods for pulling this incredibly timely and important fest together. I also want to applaud their patience with a newbie like me who doesn’t know time management if it blocked my schedule itself. The prompts for this fest were beyond amazing and I had such a hard time narrowing down the selection. I only hope I have been able to please my prompter and help explore ideas of consent. Secondly, I literally would not be half the writer I am without my amazing, selfless Betas that came together and spent their weekend working with me. To C and G - you are my literal baby angels and I am so happy we have been able to connect over this crazy, intoxicating world of Harry Potter Fanfic!

When Nightmares Lead to Day Dreams

Title: I Don’t Want This to Be a Mistake Author: Anonymous Prompt: # 49 Rating: Explicit Warnings/Content Notes: Lots of sexual tension, professor!Harry, Father!Draco Summary: Consent can be tricky when Harry is Scorpius’ professor. Word Count: 5500 Author’s Notes: A big thanks to my beta, L!

I Don’t Want This to Be a Mistake

Title: Treat Your Body Like A Temple Author: Anonymous Prompt: Whether it be for kissing, touching, or sucking, Harry’s gotten into the habit of breathing, “May I?” against Draco’s skin. #20 Rating: mature Warnings/Content Notes: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary: It hadn’t been easy, and it hadn’t been fast, but after many years Harry had finally gained Draco’s trust. Now he woke up next to him every day, and he knew just the way to show the Slytherin how grateful he was for that. Word Count: 1707 Author’s Notes: Beta-read by the wonderful MM (thank you love<3). This was my first attempt at smut, so I do hope it was somewhat decent. It was great fun to write this, especially for this amazing fest. Consent is such an important subject, and it should get more attention. I hope I did that in this ficlet. Great thank you to the mods of the fest why reminded my dumb ass to submit this after I sort-of completly forgot, whoops.

Treat Your Body Like A Temple

Title: Bloody Tease Author: Anonymous Prompt: # 50 - Harry gives consent loudly and with delicious details, but somehow Draco just isn’t convinced. (Or basically Draco teases Harry mercilessly). Rating: E Warnings/Content Notes: Explicit sexual content Summary: Draco wants to be sure that Harry is willing. Very, very sure. Word Count: 1433 Author’s Notes: Thank you to s for the beta on this fic.

Bloody Tease

Title: Have Me Then Author: Anonymous Prompt: OWN Rating: NC-17 Warnings/Content Notes: unenthusiastic consensual sex between Draco and another character (detailed in the notes before the fic on AO3, explaining this tag better), infidelity, Female Draco, Canon What Canon, Alive Sirius, Cousin Incest (heavily implied, not visual), Misogyny, Slut Shaming By Another Character Summary: In Draco’s world, women are expected to be demure, non-lusting creatures. They are expected to be devoted while their husbands cater to base desires with women of the evening. All passions they are permitted lie between dusty, well-worn pages of romance novels. Draco doesn’t want to be that woman, but as she spends her days—unfulfilled—in the arms of a boring lover she dreams of more. Potter is so much more than she could imagine. Word Count: 3,632 Author’s Notes: Decided to do before for a brief warning. Draco consents to sleep with Theo, but when they are together she clearly is unenthusiastic and fulfilling a duty. This might be traumatic for some. I did not write it with the intention of dubious consent and K my beta, and one of the mods of the fest, assured me it was within the bounds of the fest. It was written to showcase how she wants better than what she is getting with him. The idea of consent that I tried to work with was that Draco has been raised in shame and Harry is patient with her, asking her to voice what she wants from/with him—as explicitly as she can. It is supposed to be a woman finding her own agency in sex, and knowing that it is okay to want more and not settling for anything less. IDK if it came across like that, I kinda wrote it in two days since I had a lot going on and forgot I had a deadline. It was definitely intended to be longer.

Tagged “Always A Girl” because I kept getting traffic on a thing and some DM’s asking for a continuation. This ISN’T a continuation but *jazz hands* more Female Draco.

Have Me Then

Title: A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption Author: Anonymous Prompt: # 58 Rating: E Warnings/Content Notes: Fuck or die, hags, curses, wandcraft, wandmaker Harry Potter, Muggle life, clubbing, tattoos, mild recreational drug use, angst, falling in love, getting together, kiss consent, safe sex, anal sex, oral sex, non-penetrative sex, switching, minor Ron/Hermione Summary: A fuck-or-die fairytale in which Draco Malfoy lives a despicable and unapologetic life — that is, until he’s cursed to die unless he can fall in love with and fuck Harry Potter. Word Count: 43,345 Author’s Notes: Huge thanks to the crew—you know who you are.

A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption

[betweenpartandmeet]

it took me longer to finagle copy-pasting this all on mobile than it did for me to actually answer the questions

tagged by @catholic-aviator

Rules: gotta tag ten (10) people to do this too

1. What are the pettiest things you do on the internet?

uhh probably trying to track this tag thing to see if these questions were part of one those "make new ones up" ones that got lost along the way... no luck tho, i didn't make it very far... that, & i guess sometimes looking at tags for things that get reblogged from me, even reblogs, lol

2. Do you watch reality tv?

no, never really found it entertaining

3. Do you think it’s fair to not hire people with tattoos or body mods or who dress differently?

as long as it's for relevant business reasons and not just like a personal vendetta of the hiring manager then i think it's ok

4. Would you ever tell stories about famous people you know to the tabloids for money?

no way. honestly go get real news.

5. Do you think modern-day royal families that have a limited or nonexistent role in actual government should keep existing?

?? yeah i don't see the harm. but also mega-confused by this question, like. a family can't just stop existing lmao.

6. Do you think music keeps getting worse as years go by?

nah i think every year that's ever passed has had it's good and bad music

7. What caused the worst physical pain you’ve ever felt?

i've nearly thrown up & passed out from my fibro pain and my period pain amplifying each other, so, that

8. Do you give money or food to homeless people?

i always try to help out if i see them, yeah. i could do more to help in general tbh.

9. Who do you think should run against Trump in 2020?

there was a teeny frog in our pool filter last night & i trust him for 2020

10. Do you think humanity will survive to explore the universe?

yeah that'd be cool, i mean we kind of already are if you think about it, right? there's always more to be discovered but there's so much we've learned.

11. What do you think of society’s attitude towards animals?

i'm not sure what the majority consensus is so idrk how to answer this one... we should be gentle with and understanding of animals as animals

12. Do you think a person can truly be happy without close relationships?

i don't think so. in my personal experience all my patronus-worthy memories involved closeness with other people.

13. What do you think are the ideal times to go to sleep and to wake up?

go to sleep at 11pm-12am & wake up around 8am

14. Top three worst “classic” or very popular songs?

idk about top three WORST, but three songs that come to mind that everyone but me seemed to like are "can't feel my face", "use somebody", & "up all night to get lucky"

15. Do you think “follow your dreams” is good advice?

sure. i mean, i think there are ways to go about them without being reckless. but overall, yeah.

I tag @lifeissewwhat @spacehobo281 @fitegirl @animeandcatholicism @xbrockie @blackerinapendleton @buonipomodori @therainonthepavement @becauseyouretall @thatgirlvicmarie

[allthepandasintheworld]

Quincy Li, the Transformer

Name: Quincy “Qinlin” (aka verdant forest) Li I named him Quincy bc of the visual of Q and bc of the ‘in’ part, not bc Qin sounds anything like Quin lmao

Occupation: mercenary employed by RED (sort of, more in his backstory)

Age: 26 (in 1970 so he’s like... the same age as scout...?)

Height: 5′8″ (standing)

Build: Average. His upper body and core strength is far better than his lower body strength. He is currently still undergoing physical therapy, so he’s working on it. His arms probably get buffer as time goes on simply because of the nature of his disability (paralysis below the knee if thats even a thing lmao either way it has to do with his legs and basically the whole point of his class).

Description: He has fairly standard Chinese features, and his skin is on the tanner side (bc seriously, don’t believe those commercials, far more Asians have darker skin than those vampires you see on TV--his skin tone is actually fairly close to my own). His hair is short, and he generally wears a beanie and fingerless gloves. He usually is found wearing a modified dress shirt with a maroon vest emblazoned with his class logo. He wears a small, stud earring on his left ear. 

Likes: Machines, programming, computers, technology, exploring, cars, motorcycles, listening to folktales

Dislikes: exercise, his physical therapy training, his crutches (even though he understands their necessity), his leg braces, his modified shoes, gender dysphoria

Alignment: True Neutral (gives zero fucks tbh)

Zodiac: Aquarius

DOB: February 2, 1944

Gender: Male

Orientation: I haven’t really thought about it yet tbh although I don’t think it will ever come into play should I ever end up rping as him at any point? but I have a feeling he’d end up bi/pan like most of my muses lmao

Voice: The sound of a 12 year old boy like the kind you meet in tf2 servers tbh His voice sounds gender neutral. Even if you listened very carefully, it is hard to discern whether his voice is that of a mature woman or a boy in his teens.

Languages: English, Mandarin Chinese

Education: He’s fresh outta college dude. Went to a 4 year for a bachelor’s in mechanical engineering, then took a few years of grad school until he was taken to Mann Co, where he finished his education under Engie.

Nationality: Chinese American (he has an American passport bc he was born in the US, specifically, San Francisco)

Disorders: Mild PTSD

Habits: Tinkering with things that don’t belong to him. Prone to experimentation with machines, specifically cars and motorcycles. He loves motorcycles bc he can use them to great effect if he mods them a bit to accommodate for his legs. Plus, gotta go fast my dude, and motorcycles are the easiest way for him, a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie, to get his fill of adrenaline (plus he’s a speed demon i mean what do you expect, being stuck to a wheelchair all day?). Likes trying to “sneak” around as best he can: it’s a habit he developed since childhood, and is especially a challenge bc of his disability.

Positive traits: Intelligent, confident (in some ways, at least), gives good advice despite not following it on his own

Neutral traits: Passive, impartial, talkative

Negative traits: Impulsive, immature/petty, uncaring, selfish, prideful

And, of course, an obligatory explanation of what the fuck this lil kid is doing with these hardened mercenaries:

His family was poor, having immigrated legally to the US after the repeal of the Chinese Exclusion Act in 1943 (see I do my history) before having him. His older brother, Chiyang Li (aka “scarlet sun” aka Charlie), worked in a factory to help support Quincy and his mother. His mother is a badass bitch okay, she came to the US by herself, while pregnant and caring for a preschooler (she came literally right before having the baby that is fucking insane she... is a fucking... badass, and remember, she came while she had to take care of Charlie, who was no more than 3-4 years old at the time). His father still lives in China, although he is working on securing a way into the US. Of his family, Quincy is the only one so far with an American passport. 

Quincy’s childhood was difficult, to say the least. His mother worked a laundry business, almost as soon as she was strong enough again to wash clothing. Quincy grew up being cared for primarily by his older brother, who also assisted in his mother’s laundry business. As they got older, Charlie quit high school to work in a local factory (I’m thinking San Leandro--they have all these big-ass warehouses, but idk either way they’re in the Bay Area) to get more money for the family and to put Quincy through college. Throughout grade school, Quincy also faced discrimination from his classmates for being the “weird Asian kid”. Although he was never severely bullied for a long span of time, the other children at the school did not like him very much since he was different. When he first entered school, he did not know a single word of English, and had to learn on the fly (since his mother and brother spoke Mandarin Chinese at home).

obligatory content warning for potentially triggering content including mentions of bullying, physical violence, racism, transphobia (mostly a combo of microaggressions and institutionalized misogyny), and body mutilation past this point. You have been warned.

During elementary school, a group of children decided one day to act on the racist stereotypes that many of them had grown up with. Along with the end of WWII, there was plenty of resentment towards those with Asian features. They were nasty, and all around horrible, but never threatened Quincy’s safety until they one day tried to break his legs and feet after teasing, mostly about women breaking and binding their feet, went too far (keep in mind, this was before Quincy realized he was trans, so his mother was dressing him in feminine clothing and hairstyles). They were successful, needless to say, and Quincy ended up with broken feet and lower legs that never healed correctly because his family could not afford to take him to a hospital. He still had to attend school the next day, with Charlie helping him to and from class. Eventually, Charlie and his mother managed to put together enough funds to find a wheelchair for Quincy before the end of that schoolyear. Since then, Quincy has been unable to walk without assistance, especially since that, without proper medical attention, his feet were permanently damaged (he does, however, eventually begin physical therapy, but that’s only after he earned money bc he joined RED).

At first, he was ashamed of himself. He felt odd and out of place, for more reasons than one. His body felt like more of an impairment than anything, especially with growing issues like... literally growing up with a body that didn’t match how he felt. Things like cars fascinated him, even though girls his age were encouraged to play with dolls and tea sets. He just wasn’t interested, and was more interested in playing cars with the other boys his age. In middle school, he began learning about cars and engines, and became fascinated by the idea of mechanical engineering, including space travel, having heard of the launch of Sputnik when he was 13. In high school, he began to study mechanical engineering in earnest, and started to see his wheelchair as more of an opportunity than an impairment. He began experimenting on it, adding things like controls and improving the efficiency of the wheels. Charlie supported him by taking him to the junkyard to try and find scrap materials.

In terms of being trans, he came out to his family at the beginning of high school after he refused to wear the female school uniform (bc I guess he attended one of those schools TM). His brother supported him, even though he didn’t really get it. His mother took a little longer to come around, and still has yet to fully accept/understand Quincy’s identity in the present time (1970). At the end of the day, it was Charlie who prepared Quincy the best and supported him in nearly everything, and that’s Quincy’s motive in joining Mann Co. They paid well, they asked no questions, and they promised him a job for a long time.

Alright, warning is over, feel free to continue reading now.

By the time Quincy graduated college, he had heavily customized the wheelchair (although not to the extent of his time at Mann Co, not yet). He had increased the efficiency of the wheels, created a custom steering system, as well as a get-out-of-jail-free engine thing, although at this point he still needed to manually wheel himself forward most of the time. It was because of this innovation, coupled with his impressive understanding of mechanical engineering demonstrated in college, that Redmond approached him halfway through his time at grad school and offered him a position at RED as the Transformer. He saw Quincy’s potential, and wanted to get a leg up on his brother, Blutarch (of course), and wanted to try investing in college students so he could guarantee a future for when the previous mercenaries retire (or some bs like that tbh i haven’t really thought this through...). He also thought that college students were easier to find and hire, and could therefore learn from the existing classes (or something of the sort). Since Engineer was the closest in profession to Quincy, Engie was sent to teach him (for now, it’ll just be a generic RED Engie that I’ll write on my own although other engies feel free to adopt my small nerdy boy), so Quincy finished his degree while working under RED. He also worked together with Engie to build his current wheelchair, which can transform into 3 forms (similar to how vaccinator can defend against 3 types of damage). The three forms are “Carp”, “Hare”,  and “Bull” (support, offense, and defense in order). They change his ability set (Carp gives him movement speed, hare gives him a charge, and bull gives him hp). It takes 5 seconds to go between forms bc the wheelchair needs to transform itself. He spawns in Carp form. He also has various weapons given to him by Mann Co to compliment his forms, although his loadout is meant to buff certain forms and nerf others (yadda yadda i’ll talk more about his mechanics later).

He is, however, horrified by the everyday violence, and its... Probably factored a lot into his preexisting PTSD stemming from what happened in his childhood. (After being separated from his wheelchair once and being unable to do anything for the rest of the battle until he went through respawn again, Quincy asked Engie to connect his life in Respawn to his wheelchair, so he would never feel the fear of being stranded with no mobility again... It was a bad time :( very angst. He’d rather go through respawn with his wheelchair than feel vulnerable like that again).

And that brings us to present day! Wooo!! backstoryyyyy!!!

[biigbcssa2]

Quick PSA;;

Ok so as always, this isn't against anyone and doesn't mean I'm upset about these topics being brought up but they have been mentioned for more than one person in the past days and I felt the need to make this post before putting it on a link in my blog.

1.-

If your plot idea for our muses to interact is your muse 'complaining' to Adonai about how he doesn't do anything to 'help' humans and how horrible the world is, please don't. Why? Adonai does not control humans in any way, he created them and put them on earth the same way you buy a hamster and put it in it's cage. You look at it because it's interesting/amusing to watch what it gonna do but you can't actually dictate how it moves or where it goes. Adonai gave humans FREE WILL something that celestial beings don't have, so he can't be blamed for what humans do because he's not the one giving them the ideas the same way Lucifer isn't a little devil on their shoulders whispering them to cheat on a test. The idea of God 'having a plan' doesn't mean he has everyone's life written on sticky notes around his house and that your fate is sealed and you don't have an option. It means his story has a beggining and an end which involves the end of the world but what happens in the middle isn't really his business. If your muse comes here whining about how unfair life is and about how God should go down to earth and fix things, I'm going to ignore the thread/ask or whatever thing because it's pointless. Now looking at it as the mun, I can't find a way that makes sense on how God would react. If someone is complaining about him doing things WRONG or not doing ANYTHING of course he would do something just to prove them wrong and to prove he can do whatever he wants. But I can't just write how the world where your muse lives is now perfect and everyone loves everyone and all the horrible in life disappeared because it just...it's not realistic fam, it would be boring in the end; and I can't write Adonai not caring beause of course he cares! So that plot is off the table because it would practically force me to god mod and I don't want that.

2.-

Adonai is aware of what his angels and other celestial beings do with other beings, call it humans, demons, sins, other angels, other gods, witches, werewolves, vampires or whatever but he is not going to stop them from doing whatever thing they're doing with them, NOT without me and the other mun(s) talking about it first. Why? Because IC Adonai would never allow it, he would destroy them both or just take his angel back to heaven but OOC I CAN'T DO THAT, because it's not my place, it's not my thread, not my relationship, not my verse and sometimes not even my partner. The only reason why Adonai isn't acting about it is because me, the mun, can't go around throwing my muse at others just because he "wouldn't allow it" so he ignores those situations. That's not him being soft, that's not Adonai not caring about the situation or possible consequences. That's ME not wanting to be a dick and force shit on other roleplayers because that's just a shitty thing to do. Neverthless, if the mun or muns involved in the "forbidden relationship"  ( i don't love the term but idk what else to call it ) or whatever other thing their muse is doing that would involve a punishmend from God approaches me to plot or involves Adonai in their verse/plot then I have no problem with unleashing him. If someone is like ' hey Adrian, I'd love to know what Adonai thinks about this or that or my muse doing it ' then I would gladly tell them and if everyone is comfortable and chill with it, we can maybe put in on a thread or something but with EVERYONE being ok and accepting that there's a 98% chance that Adonai won't be happy, won't allow it or will act against it.

3.-

Adonai has no gender, no race, no settled sexuality and no face. Adonai is a very powerful being, creator and destroyer. He is a whole, doesn't need and doesn't have a counterpart. He is alpha and omega, he is his own dark and his own light. The fact that he prefers male pronouns and has choosen the face he has right now has nothing to do with anything but again an OOC choice and the fact that I find difficult to write more stereotipical female muses.

[oc-review-shop]

Puella Magi Madoka Magic OC Review: Selena Grace Rose

Reviewed by: Mod Charle

Name: Selena Rose Age: 15 Weapon: AK-47 Wish: To be able to protect her friends

She’s 15 and her uniform is for Mitakihara Middle School, so I assume she is in the same grade as Mami Tomoe (9th). I feel like an AK-47 as a weapon doesn’t suit her wish or appearance. Selena Rose’s outfit is very girly. If her wish was to protect her friends, a weapon that would match would most likely be a shield, like Homura. When you bring up protection, a shield usually comes to mind rather than an AK-47. I imagine a very large shield (about the size of Selena) as her weapon. But that’s just my opinion.

Before Contract Selena Grace lived alone in an apartment (that her father bought her) and attended Mitakihara Middle School as a foreign exchange student from Australia. She was quite the troublemaker, she spent her days skipping class, getting in trouble, and once she got suspended for 3 weeks. But, she was a loyal friend who always had her friends’ back.

Her appearance doesn’t quite match her personality. At first glance, she seems like a quiet, shy, and sweet girl. This bothered me a bit because I got the wrong impression of the character at first. However, this could be a good quality. Selena may seem like a good girl at glance, but she’s actually rebellious. A lot of anime characters live alone, and Selena just displays that again. It’s not a problem, but a reason for Selena to live separately from her parents would be nice. Also 3 weeks of suspension is long. That isn’t even suspension anymore. She would have gotten expelled.

Contract One day, on the news, Selena heard that her 3 best friends were missing. She tried searching for them but with no luck. But then, a weird creature appeared and offered her one wish in exchange for a contract with him. 

Idk about you but the fact that her friends ran off without Selena makes me think they’re SNAKES. I do have to give credit to Selena though for actually trying to help her friends. Good loyalty.

She was very desperate at this time, “I wish I could’ve protected my closest friends form whatever took them away, erase their memories of it!” Selena cried.

Selena found herself in a witch’s labyrinth and saw her friends stuck in it as well. She quickly transformed herself and protected them from the witch. None of them remembered what happened and Selena worked as a magical girl for a long time, not realizing her fate.

This is a decent way to introduce her magical girl form. Her friends don’t know about it and that’s how it should be. This really does back up the fact the author added loyalty to one of her personality traits.

Despair Four years later in Mitakihara High school, her and her friends were planning on being together forever, but all of a sudden they started turning on each other, leaving Selena alone by herself. Tears streamed down her face and she didn’t know what to do. Her Soul Gem turned into the darkest color it could be.

I kinda assume Selena was more of a follower and relied on her friends for support. It might be why she tried so hard to protect them. I’m actually really surprised that she was able to survive this long as a magical girl. Magical girls are made to become witches quickly (Kyoko is an exception because her personality type enabled her to ignore other people and live for herself... until she met Sayaka lmao).

Also... I knew her friends were snakes

“What’s wrong? You got your wish, you protected your friends. It’s not my fault that happened. They’re all safe, they’re gonna have a happy life without you.” The incubator stated.

This is a damn good interpretation of Kyubey. He would definitely say something like this due to the lack of emotion incubators have. 

“N-no... This wasn’t my wish! I never wanted this!” Selena sobbed loudly. “I should’ve let them get killed by that witch! I should fucking die!”

During the transition period of magical girl to witch, magical girls usually feel these negative emotions. They usually regret their wishes and feel hatred towards themselves for it. I think this is a good turning point for Selena, but I’m a little confused in how this plays a part in her personality. She is said to be rebellious and rude, yet loyal. However, it’s shown that she is also heavily reliant on her friends. Her personality may have to be changed in order to have the events flow.

Madoka’s Reset Selena became less rebellious and a lot nicer. Selena’s despair never happened, thanks to Madoka. When her time came she was taken away so she never felt the pain of betrayal. 

I wish Selena’s witch form was also included. The witch of betrayal and loyalty would be a pretty good witch to have, not gonna lie. However, Madoka’s reset wouldn’t necessarily change Selena’s personality unless she was using the “rebellious facade” in order to fit in with her friends. It’s just something to think about with her personality.

Homura’s Reset Selena changed in Homura’s reset. She went from rebellious and rude to shy and kind. She didn’t meet her old friends again, in fact, her whole family moved to Japan because her father got a promotion. She arrived in Mitakihara City two months after the reset. She wore a light blue ribbon instead of a dark red one, and light blue thigh highs instead of purple. She had two best friends Aki and Aiko. She lived happily. She always felt a bit different though.

Homura’s reset changes a lot of things, including timeline events and memories. However, personalities don’t change. I’m very curious as to what Selena’s personality really is due to her reliability on friends. I also wish there was a little more background information on Selena’s relationships. Homura wouldn’t change anything with the universe unless it affected Madoka in some way. If Selena doesn’t interact with Homura or any of the main cast, she wouldn’t change Selena’s life at all.

Facts and Stuff

If Selena had wished for something else, her despair would’ve destroyed her a lot sooner.

She’s not a bad person, her friends talked her into making bad decisions.

She had a habit of picking fights with other magical girls and obtaining grief seeds that way as well.

She once fought Homura and lost miserably.

Selena is actually a lot older than the main cast because she becomes a magical girl at age 15 (2010).

She’s secretly in love with her friend Aki.

I feel like the second bullet point clears up her personality a little bit. I think the best personality for Selena would be kind, loyal, and uncertain. She would feel anxious about fitting in, causing her to put on a facade in order to make friends. Her 3 (snake) friends influence her to make bad decisions, but Selena goes along with it because she wants friends (reminds me of Futaba from Ao Haru Ride). The third bullet point totally messes up my edited version of Selena’s personality. If you (author) would like to keep her personality the way it was before, fine. But if you’d like to take my criticism, I suggest taking away the third bullet point.

Homura doesn’t fight others for no reason at all. Her focus is all on Madoka and protecting her. Relationships between characters would need to be developed in order to allow Selena to cut into the Madoka Magica timeline.

Also, Selena is a lot older than the regular cast. I don’t know how she would be able to interact with them if she was so much older.

Aki and Aiko are two random characters thrown in when Homura resets the universe. Like I said, Homura wouldn’t change anything unless it affects the main cast. Unless background information is provided, Aki and Aiko aren’t important, nor is Selena.

Selena could become a great Madoka Magica oc, but right now, she needs a lot of fixes and changes, the main ones being her personality, relationships with main cast, and appearance. I suggest making her put on a facade in order to make friends, but her magical girl outfit and appearance and general should display her real personality. Adding in relationships would also give an understanding of her place in the Madoka Magica universe.

Thanks for reading and I hope this helps! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

~ Mod Charle

[lesbian-ed]

-1 of 4- I'm afraid what if the only reason I don't like men is because of trauma and radical feminism? It makes me feel like a fake. But I don't want to try dating or having sex with a man just to ~know for sure~. I read through your comp het tag and questioning tag and other people's take on comp het and lesbianism and bisexuality and I still feel unsure. I really resonated with you asking which sex makes you feel safe because I have never felt safe or even at ease around males.

-2 of 4- People, even my therapist, say it’s just cus of my trauma. Idk about all that but even if it were true that’s not my fault and it’s not something I can do anything about. And people always say that nervous feeling is supposed to be a good thing anyway so idek if my male crushes were genuine but I know they felt different than my female crushes. But the only time I fantasize about men is if I’m in a self-destructive mood and the fantasies are always abusive and gen have fictional men.

-3 of 4- I know why I have these fantasies and I’m no expert but I don’t think trauma actually changes your orientation? But I also can’t remove trauma unfortunately so idk how I would feel about males without it. I have no desire to actually have sex with them so the most I could do would be platonic dating and isn’t that just friendship? But I’ve also heard of straight or bi women who choose not to have sex with their boyfriends or don’t enjoy PIV or sex at all? Idk.

-4 of 4- I think about in high school wishing boys asked me out yet when they did or even showed the smallest interest I practically ran even when I “liked” them. And everybody would ask what was wrong with me, I thought you liked him, etc and I had no answer and I still have no answer. I’m sorry this was so long and rambly I just have no one to turn to on this.

Hello honey! I’m glad you came to us.

All those things you mention sounds like perfectly normal feelings for a lesbian who’s gone through trauma relating to men, and who is suffering from compulsory heterosexuality or internalized lesbophobia. You’re not alone in this I promise.

It’s normal as a woman not to feel safe around males, hell, even if you were attracted to them (which it really sounds like you’re not) especially if you’ve suffered violence at their hands. Even for straight women, being distrustful of men as a result of reading about radical feminism is a good thing! Men as a whole are violent against women in so many different ways, and it’s healthy for women to recognise that and act consequently to keep ourselves safe. 

You don’t owe them anything, much less your company or your love. I know society makes us feel as if we must be available to men, but we really don’t have to, we don’t have to subject ourselves to danger just to inflate their egos, especially if it’s men we feel nothing for. Believe me, what you’ve told me about feeling nervous around men is not a sign of a crush, it’s a sign of being scared of them. People aren’t usually scared of their crushes. Your therapist sounds like a tool tbh, they shouldn’t encourage you to try to be with men if it’s something that scares you.

You’re allowed not to want men, you don’t have to try to be with them to know “just for sure” believe me YOU DON’T, you don’t have to engage in relationships that scare you and that you feel you’d get nothing but maybe friendship of, you’re allowed to have desires and to act on them, you’re allowed to have boundaries, if you only fantasize about men when you’re in a self-destructive mood, really what does that say? To me it says that it’s something you do to yourself out of self-hate, fantasies should be about imagining something that makes you feel good, never bad! 

Men don’t have to matter in your life, you don’t have to be “open” to them in any way, it’s your right not to be. And this is true regardless of a woman’s sexual orientation.

Mod M :D