#if I was going to go farther it Would be that I need to have Thoughts on the interconnection of dragons and religion

[yuukiiqwq]

Part 1

Suguru couldn't believe the words that came out of his best friend's mouth. What the hell did he just say? He was in love... with his sister??? Who, what, when, where, how, and why? Suguru mouth was open in shock as he stared at his best friend. Water dripping down his hand from the water bottle, he crushed.

"You're in love with my sister." Suguru started slowly. "And you decide to tell me right before our game?" He may sound calm to anyone else, but Satoru knows that tone. A tone of an underlying threat. Deadly.

"Would you look at the time our game is starting!" Satoru quickly finished changing and burst out the door before Suguru could chase him. Satoru did not need a beating right before the game. Then again, it was his fault (not that he would admit it) for suddenly blurting out his love confession to your brother.

Throughout the whole game, Suguru was glaring daggers at him. Even when they won the game, the atmosphere filled with cheers and joy, Satoru could feel the cold air radiating off his best friend. He wonders if he could successfully sneak away from his prying eyes to go hang out with you like he promised. First, he needs to find you, push these reporters away, and sneak away with you without Suguru interfering.

Satoru looked around the stadium for you until he finally caught sight of you. He then looked back at Suguru, who was also crowded by reporters. Perfect. The kind, caring gentleman he is won't push these reporters aside! Unlike Satoru, who's always rude, this won't affect his image. It's as if Suguru knew exactly what Satoru was thinking because Suguru immediately pulled out his charming smile to the reporters and said–

"I would love to continue talking to you all, but my sister is here today, and she's waiting for me to go celebrate together. I don't want to keep her waiting." His eyebrows furrows slightly, and his voice trembling. His eyes were glassy like just the thought of not spending time with his sister would make him cry. Being the stupid reporter they are, they believed him. Cooing at him, saying it's alright and how loving he was to want to spend time with his sister. They were charmed by his act. That cunning bastard.

"Since I can't talk to you all, Satoru would love to give an exclusive interview to you all!" This immediately caused all the reporters at him to suddenly rush Satoru, doubling the reporters surrounding him. Suguru smugly smiled at Satoru and mouth–"I'm not stupid Satoru."

He then sees you coming up to your brother, giving him a hug, and a congratulations. How he would kill for you to be next to him right now. For you to say his name and congratulate him. Satoru was going to push away all these reporters at all cost to get to hang out with you, but he there was too many. He was getting pushed farther away from you. He could barely manage to hear the conversation the two of you were having.

"Your friend looks like he's suffocating from the reporters Suguru. Don't you think you should do something?" Your eyebrows furrowed in concern for him. "He said he wanted to hang out after the game, too."

"My dear lovely sister, let's go out for some nice fancy dinner tonight to celebrate." Suguru completely ignored your question, put his hand behind your back, and started to push you toward the exit.

Satoru couldn't do anything but watch Suguru push you away from him. This was torture. He finally managed to talk to you. You were so close yet so far away. Shoko did mention how overprotective Suguru was, but c'mon! He is his best friend! Surely he can trust him with his sister! Like what happened to trust!! Where was the trust in this friendship!!! Satoru can feel how happy Suguru was keeping you away from him. His best friend is the incarnation of the devil. He swears it. And on cue, Suguru turned his head around, looked Satoru dead in the eyes, and smiled smugly before exiting with you. Fuck incarnation of the devil. He was the devil.

Taglist:

@captainchrisstan @iheartlinds @allofffmypeaches @tojisworm-5 @quinnyundertow

[bomberqueen17]

quick turnaround

The first chicken processing day is this coming tuesday. so we got back into town around 7pm last night, and I immediately put a load of laundry in.

This is mostly me wittering about chores and medical stuff, so, cut for boring, LOL.

it's cold and rainy here so I hung last night's laundry up on drying racks in the guest room, so mostly it is dry this morning-- delicates, so they didn't need to dry in the sun really-- and now this morning i've put in a second load and it's already on drying racks and some is on the line, it's not raining but it's cloudy so it'll dry slow, but like, trousers and t-shirts do better on the line than on racks. Yes I do own a dryer-- a gas dryer actually-- but it beats the fuck out of my clothes and I don't like to use it if I can in any way avoid it. (Mostly I use it to tumble towels and dress shirts for fifteen minutes, and then I hang them out once they're steaming and hot, and they dry without wrinkles that way. Yes I'm on the OCD spectrum, yes it mostly manifests about laundry. Hilariously, my farm BIL is also on the OCD spectrum, farther along it toward where it's actually a problem [mine is SO mild I don't claim it as a disorder at all, i just have things i Care About for Reasons], and has done tons of work on himself and tries to mask it, but once I understood that about him I understood that most of our lil workplace quarrels were our compulsions clashing, so I started making more concerted efforts to decide when to bow to his compulsions and when to advocate for mine, which in many cases are informed by superior knowledge as I've worked in food service more than him. I bow to him more on cleaning now because he does have prior janitorial experience. Unless I can prove he's wrong, LOL.)

I went off Ritalin mostly while on vacation-- I took it the morning I went fabric shopping because I thought it might help me actually make decisions, and that went well so maybe it worked. But that means I have extra pills, so I'm going to try to today take a morning and midday dose, while I have So Much To Do to prepare for the coming couple of weeks, and see if that plus the structure of this massive to-do list help me get anywhere. I just feel like if I can have this data before my next $300 3-minute psych consult I'll make more progress. Ritalin is better than Adderall (less brutal comedown, less getting "stuck")-- I *think*, but it's hard to tell. Vyvanse was also very hard to evaluate, is the problem, because that one I never did have any spare pills so I could never try an effective dose.

I do get it, i do get not giving me high doses when I'm so unsupervised, but-- for all of the medications, the first couple of days were weird and I had trouble hydrating and I was jittery and stuff, but it went away so quickly, I would have been fine with "take half dose two days, then ramp up to effective dose and see how it works" type directions, instead of "take what we know absolutely will be too little for you for two weeks and then come back and try to guess whether it helped", which has just meant I don't really have much data to on on here.

But. I've spent almost forty years needing this kind of medication and not able to access it at all, so I'm reminding myself that this is very rapid progress really.

So I figure I'll do a double dose today, a single tomorrow while I'm driving (maybe I will take that sole dose at midday, since driving is easy and boring but then I have work I need to get done all afternoon), and then I'll try either single or double dosing for the week of farm work until I can get my next appointment, depending how many pills I have. I want to be consistent but lol. It's not in my nature and it's not in my circumstances, so it can be a goal.

I also should write down what I realized about my sciatic nerve. I was joking that my knee caught a haunting in New Orleans somehow. Because it went from being a classic sciatic nerve pain situation-- starting in hip, through back of leg, ending at back of knee-- and wound up just being this horrible pinching pain right inside my knee, like not in the joint but somehow manifesting in a dimension extending from the back of my patella into Hell somehow-- and it was keeping me awake both when trying to nap during the day and also at night when trying to sleep. So I gave up on sleeping and sat on the couch to bitch about it in the complaints channel on the Discord where I'm mostly at home (it was a witcher server and over the last two or three years has mutated into just this ragtag group of us bitching about unrelated things and occasionally dumping fanworks on each other, sometimes about unrelated media)--

but here I'm gonna let you in on a secret, which is that complaining works sometimes. What? Yes. So in order to elicit maximal sympathy from my pocket friends by describing the problem really well (they're very good pocket friends, and many of them know things so describing stuff well sometimes means they have good advice, but even if not, I take satisfaction in communicating well, so I at least feel better about having done that), I really started paying attention to the pain, and I realized that what was happening was that it was sort of slowly throbbing on a cycle. I always knew where it was, but then it would get painful enough that I felt I had to move and change position, and it would stay at that level of pain for three or four seconds, and then taper off until I only just was aware of it, and then it would repeat-- and it was on a thirteen-to-fifteen-second cycle, and this is the crucial thing, it was unaffected by movement. I had been tossing and turning because what would happen was that it hurt badly enough that I felt I had to move it, and I would move and the pain would ease, and I would try to settle into a position, and then the pain would come back, and my half-asleep exhausted self thought that it was something I was doing. So it meant I was constantly moving, which meant I could not sleep. I had finally gotten out of bed and was alternating stretching and pacing, which seemed to be helping but then it was coming back, and the pacing sure as fuck wasn't helping me sleep, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, until finally I stood still and timed it, and then moved and timed it, and realized it was the same.

Realizing that it was happening regardless of movement made me able to hold still while it hurt most acutely, and then sure enough it faded away. And once I knew that moving wouldn't help, I could ride out the urge to move. And once I wasn't constantly trying to find a comfortable position, I could rest. And once I was resting, I could fall asleep. Because this is the annoying thing-- the pain wasn't that bad, even. It's not the agony it has been in the past. I could move through it, easily. It was just too much to hold still through, until I realized that was what I needed to be doing.

So anyway-- traveling home it was mostly fine, it does not like standing in lines, and mostly i sat as much as possible, which isn't good for me long-term but i know over the next couple of weeks i will be doing a shitton of walking and standing so. we'll figure out tactics then.

so along with the ritalin i will be working out my ideal regimens of ibuprofen, aleve, and weed, LOL. Routine! I can make a routine. I can hinge my routine off other people's, which is what works well for me at the farm, and i can see if i can master the art of the amphetamines and maybe get some of my shit done.

Unfortunately all I want to do this week is sew, I watched all of the tourists and locals in NOLA and looked at what they were wearing and now know exactly what I want to make.

and i don't have time to do any of it. but. if i think about it and make concrete plans, i already own much of the fabric and most of the patterns i need. so i can do this. But I'll post separately about the Fashion Lewks I want to do, LOL.

I won't see my physical therapist again until like maybe early June. I counted it out and I've been doing physical therapy for about sixteen weeks at this point. My sister graduated from her physical therapy program and is out on her own now, having hugely improved. I can tell the bad hip is much improved but not healed-- sitting on the plane yesterday someone walked by and bumped my knee and it absolutely did make the cartilage flap go "pop" so that's not healed, but it hurt a lot less than that sort of thing used to. At the last appointment I had, the PT said I should just keep doing the exercises as my circumstances allow, and if they're too easy just increase reps etc., and we'd re-evaluate when I finally saw her again, because obviously I've had all these underlying cascading problems that can only be slowly solved by getting slowly stronger, so who knows.

I don't have concrete goals for that but I would really just. Like to be not-disabled, mostly. Every person has limits, every person is going to have to sit down sometimes, every person is going to have to think hard and make choices about what they do with their bodies-- it's just part of getting into your mid-forties, really-- so I can't just set my goal as being able to do whatever whenever. But I would like to be able to walk for longer distances, I would like to be able to wait in a line without paying for it for days, I would like to just generally be in better shape. So I guess I'll try to work toward that.

idk. and sometime in july my doctor wants me to re-test my fasting blood glucose because the only thing she cares about of my health is that i'm fat and she thinks putting me on metformin will make me not-fat. you'd think she'd have had some interest in diagnosing the pain that was making me unable to exercise but that was not on her radar i guess.

anyway. that's what i'm going to do to get me to june. it's all farm time for the rest of the month and i'm going to do physical therapy and take meth. we'll see how that goes.

[chiropteracupola]

once again focusing in on dragon-surgeons with laserlike aim. we have several thoughts on this passage, which are as follows:

one: how does one dissect a dragon. what are they doing it with. are there attendants here with those massive two-person saws for this purpose, with the doctors spectating and directing? are the surgeons the guys with the massive saws? the dragons are So big compared to the people, are they crawling around in there? do they have students in attendance as they might at a human dissection?

two: 'dissection' is such a particular choice of word here. if you are taking apart your Coworker after their death that is an Autopsy. if you are taking apart an animal for food after their death that is Butchering, and if you are taking it apart for science that is a Necropsy. it is, what, 1806? dissection is scientific and not really for people you are regarding as People right about now. this is such a Way of pointing out the Strange Social Position of dragons in temeraireverse.

three: again I ask. how does one Become a dragon-surgeon. keynes seems to be equally adept at human medicine, and on his various adventures up to this point laurence hasn't been provided with an additional surgeon for his crew as well as for his dragon. what kind of medical school operations are going on in england and scotland to allow this guy Training. are medical students from edinburgh being funneled out to the covert at (iirc fictional) loch laggan to study dragons? what is the Draconic opinion on post-mortem disassembly for scientific purposes?

[spaciebabie]

tbh, at one point in the process it was worse

hhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh boy

[bitchthefuck1]

one thing about me is that I'm never not gonna be obsessed with soulmates as a horror concept

[proserpine-in-phases]

I hate how every job says they're looking for a person like this because I am none of those things? Where are the jobs willing to pay top dollar for an unmotivated unprofessional cold unpersonable non starter who is disorganized and pays very little attention to detail?

[sqlmn]

The fact the bartender is just absolutely mocked by his own coworkers is really funny to me. They all just are like... betting on how long it will take for one of the guys to make a move (though like. very openly in front of him so he KNOWS)...

He was going to work five nights a week and then cover another night if someone needed it and it's fine, he's single and this is his social life. But when he gets a call one night like "oh hey wanna help us out? blonde guy just got here" and he's like "I will be there in ten minutes" ... until the bar owner is like "dude you have to stop working so much" and then he gets his coworkers texting him "if only you were here :c blonde guy is so sad :c" and he's miserable on his couch and reading updates in the work group chat.

[bunnyb34r]

There better not be a fucking tornado while I'm sleeping, or I'll be so pissed

[girlscience]

trying to get to better as a person is so nauseating. was lonely yesterday so i messaged friends to try and plan hang outs. forced myself to ask about reference letters today even though i turned bright red and felt like crying. messaged friends tonight to ask if they could help keep me accountable so i don't feel like i'm doing everything alone. barf. i hate this. i want to hide in a hole

[binch-i-might-be]

right now I'm considering going on with my 21 hour work week for another couple months and saving up some more extra money and then switching to a minijob which is about eight to ten hours a week. would leave me with 520€ a month but I have a huge chunk of savings and I also would love to experience an emotion besides dread and horror and suffering. so. yeehaw

[scientologyblows]

after watching ryans apology, all i can say is i really wish ryan had a exit strategy. i wish he would’ve actually started streaming or something so he doesn’t feel like he has to leave the internet or anything and leave his online presence. i think if anyone could get better in this situation, its him, but he would need guidance outside of matt to do so.

[sibillascribbles08]

Post in a fandom tag: Fic Recs!!

Me: O:

>The same gd 10 fics that everyone in this fandom is recommending

Me: *keeps scrolling* :T

[pepprs]

expanded list of things that are annoying me

my leg hurts

my dyshydr*sis is flaring up and it’s so uncomfortable putting my hand underwater lol

my hair is too long and heavy and i need to cut it

we’re about to drive around and look at holiday lights and i just want to stay in bed but i also don’t want to miss seeing the lights but i hate being in the backseat of the car bc it reminds me of my grandparents bc it used to be their car. and i don’t have a row all to myself anymore so it’s super cramped and claustrophobic

terraforming in acnh is so exhausting

im insecure / overthinking abt my new room lol. should i let myself be excited about this when im about to turn 24 and i really should be focusing on trying to move out? i know i can move through life at my own pace but i don’t want to be like. That person who still lives at home. which is mean to people who do that bc it’s nothing to be ashamed of and becoming more common i think. but i just am insecure about it and feel hesitant to let myself really get excited bc i shouldn’t set my sights on living there for more than a few months at the most. but also… i really want this to be my next step i think. but it is it just bc im scared to be an independent adult. lol

[purewater100]

i like to think my mental health isn't that bad, and that my disorders haven't impacted me that hard, but then i'll have nights like this where i'll realize just how badly i've fucked myself and it really, really sucks lol.

these past 4 years, can i even call it living? though, i think the worst part is i know it's not gonna stop at 4. i know once this year ends, the next will be just as bad if not worse, and i will have to live through not just that year, but every year after it knowing the only person i can blame for my misery is myself.

[boomingsmile]

who gave sharp the audacity to be so kind, loving, sweetest person. D:< no amount of words i can put up will ever be able to contain the vibe he has; i desperately need a drink with him and i dont even drink and he doesn't even exist!

[hollowslantern]

I think i do want to go on t but i don't want to bring it up now because everything keeps fucking happening and also im scared LOL just an update on my psyche