#if i continue to push myself mentally and physically like this i will be very worried about the state of my health and mind

[kyunsies]

night shift 2/3 and guys i am not a quitter and i’ve never been one but i need to put myself first and i think i’m going to quit this job

[shitpostdevil]

watching this blog come together is kind of wild

like I would actually perish at this point if it disappeared bc I've put so much work into it

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Parallels in Unknown Episode 9

God I love the physicality in this show.

I will preface by saying once more that Kurt is doing a great job in his role as Yuan, especially lately with all the pushing and prodding Yuan has been doing to Qian, but I once again find myself having to highlight the masterful performance of Chris Chiu.

Wei Qian is a very tense and quiet character in a show that uses voice overs sparingly. This means that Chris has a very difficult job in conveying Qian’s inner monologue through body language alone. Without uttering a word we know what Qian is thinking; what he’s feeling; we understand the depth, the weight of his care for the people he loves.

For Episode 9, I want to talk about parallels. Parallels and how effectively Unknown is able to use them to bring maximum emotional devastation:

gif by @ueasking

We open with a flashback to Lili and Yuan as kids, to Lili trying to get out of going to school because she is worried the world is going to end. We open with a line from Qian:

“Even if the world comes down, I’ll hold it up.” 

Y’all. That line hit me like a 16 wheeler, holy fuck. This is the summary of Qian’s life, of his goals, of his struggle. Qian’s never had the luxury to live in a world that wasn’t falling apart. But he’s spared Yuan and Lili (especially Lili) from the trauma and the abuse and the pain he has suffered. He is already holding everyone’s worlds together, and that line struck me as the deepest and most beautiful profession of love. And of course, because he is acting as a parent to these kids he has to follow it with an empty threat.

The kids head off to school, but before the door closes behind Yuan he turns around, he looks Qian right in the eye and he says

“Ge, if the world comes down, we’ll hold it up together.”

gif by @ueasking

Double homicide. A perfect expression of Yuan’s devotion to Qian, Qian who very rarely experiences reciprocity. Qian spent a large portion of his life being uplifted and supported by the people around him: Le-ge, San Pang and his family, Xiong this is true, but for Qian most of those feel like or literally are debts to be repaid. He said it to Le-ge in this episode “I will pay you back everything I owe”, in Episode 1, Qian tells San Pang he’ll pay him back when San Pang covers his bills, Xiong helped kick start Qian’s career, but he’s in business with Xiong now so Qian’s success is Xiong’s success. Yuan is the only person to whom Qian owes nothing, and Yuan is the only person who is trying to care for him back without being owed.

Because this show has been looping in my head, I’ve been thinking a lot about trauma. The first scene we see of Qian and Yuan together, Yuan holds out a metal pipe in defense and Qian has an immediate flashback to his own childhood and the abuse he had suffered. Qian immediately establishes a connection to Yuan that he never will with Lili because Qian was incredibly successful in shielding Lili from the harshness of the world. We don’t see the trauma Yuan must have experienced as a kid, but we get the snippets, the ties in to Qian’s experiences, the illness, the hunger. Yuan has suffered, and Qian has saved him, and Yuan understands the burden that comes with care. Yuan is devoted to Qian, Yuan does not want Qian to hold everything he’s carrying all by himself.

Yuan has always been like this, and will always be like this for Qian.

Despite the overarching structural problems I had with this episode, I do think there was a strong thematic thread in paralleling space and physical touch all the way through.

The Letter

Qian discovers this letter in a box under Yuan’s bed. 

“In my life, I’ve been driven by a deviant and sharp obsession” 

Qian tenses up, taking in a deep breath, his eyes wandering away from the page. He literally has to mentally prepare himself to continue reading Yuan’s words 

“Looking back, there’s nothing else. But if my life were to cease all of a sudden-” Qian barely moves his head to finish reading, instead just casts his eyes downward.

“-not seeing you one last time would be my greatest regret” 

Qian moves the paper downward, and he looks away. Legitimately, Qian looks at that letter for as short a time as he physically possibly can. 

I’m mentioning the letter because the face that Qian makes when he is reading it is a recurring character throughout this entire episode. Because we see that face again almost immediately when Qian is at H.O.T.. That man is fully dissociating in his meeting, his mind is not at work at all. He is a statue sitting there with exactly the same face he was making when he read the first few words of Yuan’s letter. And it is not until everyone else but San Pang has walked away that he breaks from that thought paralysis and turns to get San Pang’s opinion. Dissatisfied with San Pang’s response and knowing that Yuan was hiding something from him and has not responded to his phone calls, Qian seeks additional answers. 

Rescuing Yuan

In Episode 1, Qian figures out Yuan is in trouble because he gets a phone call from Yuan’s teacher saying that Yuan applied for a leave of absence, he freaks out and goes straight to the pool hall where he barges in yelling and fighting his way to Le’s door. The second he gets in the room, he barrels straight towards Hu and grabs him by the collar. Qian has to be held back by multiple people in order to stop him from laying waste to everyone there, and the second Le-ge tells his people to let Qian go, Qian starts running straight to Le to fight him and has to be held back once more. 

While Qian is being detained, he is looking around wildly, face a perfect picture of rage and desperation. When Yuan is brought out and Qian is released, he runs straight to Yuan and pulls him in to a hug and they start to walk away, arms linked to each other’s backs in support and connection. 

And it sticks as such a vivid memory in my head that I had a visceral reaction to seeing how Qian has changed over time. Because in Episode 9 he knows something is wrong, you can see the worry behind his eyes when he tells San Pang that Yuan hasn’t answered his phone. And San Pang leaves him sitting there, still mulling over everything. When Qian enters the restaurant to talk to Le he appears calm (though there is very clearly a storm brewing inside him), he enters slowly. He is tense, and frustrated, and trying to contain it all. He is trying to keep himself calm. This is a very political conversation. He pours beer for Le-ge, he drinks with him, but you can feel it in the way that Qian sits that his every thought is like a clock just ticking away until something bad happens to Yuan. 

“Le-ge can I ask a favor of you?” 

“What favor?”

“Help me find Yuan,”

“Are you asking me to help you find him or hand him back?” Le asks bemused and we get a jaw twitch from Wei Qian. Qian is seething, but he knows how Le operates and he’s older and wiser now so he can’t just enter the scene beelining towards Le with his fist ready for a face. As a child he was willing to fight Le, as an adult he has recognized Le more as an unfortunate ally who has all the power. Le and Qian roll up to the scene and we get a far more familiar Qian the second he exits the car and starts sprinting towards Yuan and immediately decks Hu right in the face to get him away from Yuan.

Again he tries to fight everyone that comes between them, again he is detained, being held back by multiple people, again Le and Hu fight while Qian is waiting to be released so he can run to Yuan. Again Le puts an ultimatum on their freedom, before it was a boxing match, now it is Russian Roulette.

When they are set free, Qian immediately runs to Yuan and grabs him like he did when they were running away. The way he looks at everyone when he has Yuan in his arms is exactly the same way he looked at everyone when he was reunited with Yuan the first time Yuan was taken from him by the gang. 

It’s all the same, the way they walk out together, the way they are made to pause, the way Qian’s face is snarling when he’s trapped. It’s all there.   

Russian Roulette

Now, we are all about reciprocity here so we get another really tragic parallel between the boxing scene in Episode 1 and the Russian Roulette scene in Episode 9. 

In Episode 1, it is Qian that is made to play Le’s game alone: win three boxing matches, he and Yuan get to leave the gang. But Le doesn’t let Yuan off scot-free here either, forcing him to stand there and watch Qian get beat to shit over and over and over again for Yuan’s sake. And we get Yuan being the one to call out to Qian. 

“Ge, stop fighting, let’s go home!” Yuan yells, and when Qian wins we see Yuan wiping tears away, and then screaming after Qian when his opponent sneaks up behind him. When Qian and Yuan are alone together after the fight, Yuan is crying and when Qian tells him not to cry he says: 

“Sorry. You wouldn’t have been in this fight if it hadn’t been for me,” which in this case is true for reasons outside of Yuan’s control. The things Qian has done for Le are informed by the care he has for Lili and Yuan, but Yuan is not himself the cause of the problem. 

In Episode 9 however….he walks right into the gang as if that is going to do anything, and has to be rescued by Qian. This time, though Yuan does not (or at least has yet to) say it, Qian would not have been in this fight with Hu and the rest of the gangsters if it wasn’t for Yuan. 

Similarly to Episode 1, Le-ge gives an ultimatum to their release, Russian Roulette. Where before we had three boxing matches, now we have three bullet chambers. And Yuan is old enough to protect Qian now, so Yuan volunteers to go first, and we get a role reversal. Before, Yuan had to watch, crying, as Qian fought and bled. Now, Qian is the one sobbing, having to watch Yuan get a gun to the head. Yuan looks at him and mouths “wo ai ni” and Qian immediately closes his eyes because cannot look at Yuan when the trigger is pulled, just as Yuan tried to look away when Qian was getting his skull bashed in in the boxing ring. 

Yuan gets tortured right back though when it is Qian’s turn to have the trigger pulled, all we hear over the background music is this desperate and broken pleading scream from Yuan to let Qian go. When the game is over and Qian is released he runs straight to Yuan and pulls him up stating “Let’s go home, we’re going home,” another direct parallel to Episode 1. 

THE HUG

Alright, my favorite devastating blow of the evening, the hug in Episode 9 and how it parallels the hug in Episode 1. Because there are two levels to this: 

photo of the photobook that @thisonelikesaliens was kind enough to send me. gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

The hug that Episode 9 more explicitly parallels, in my mind, is the hug that Qian gives Yuan right when they are reunited. He has that boy tucked in his arms, and is holding the back of Yuan’s head with his hand. It’s a very quick moment, but the intensity of Qian’s motion, the strength of his hug, the emotional core of that hug is evident in just the briefest of seconds and matches the intensity, the strength, and the emotional core of the hug in Episode 9. 

gif by @ueasking

Then you get a secondary parallel with the hug between Qian and Yuan after the boxing match, though it’s not as much of a 1:1 visual as the brief hug above. This is mostly in the changing heights, Yuan and Qian are on relatively the same level here. And you get the hand to the back of the head as a comforting thing which Qian is also doing to Yuan in today’s hug. 

In Episode 9, they are walking back home, it is dark, it is quiet. Qian stops dead in his tracks, the same look on his face as when he read the letter. He turns to face Yuan and clenches his fist because he needs that extra strength, it is taking everything in him to follow through on what comes next and then he just grabs Yuan and pulls him into a hug that parallels the hug they shared when Yuan was younger. Qian hugs Yuan like he is that small, scared boy even though Qian is now so much shorter than Yuan and Yuan is so much braver than he used to be.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

But unlike the hugs in Episode 1, I don’t think this one is intended to comfort Yuan. I think this time, it is Qian reaching out to Yuan for his own comfort. Because in Episode 1 it is Yuan who cries in to the forehead touch, in Episode 9 it is Qian who burrows his face into Yuan’s neck as hard as he can while his face contorts in sobs. This is not necessarily a parallel, but it is the moment of the episode that ruined my life so I needed to make sure that I took you all down with me with a reminder of this scene and a gif. Oh also, they hug in front of a giant pile of wood like they do with the forehead touch in Episode 1 because they HATE US. 

Fishing Conversation v. Letter Conversation

The two big conversations that Qian and Yuan have this episode are really interesting to me because of how they play with space. When Yuan and Qian are out fishing together, Yuan places himself directly in front of, directly next to Qian for the whole length of the conversation where he asks Qian his feelings. Here they are with allllll this space around them, the water, the earth, the air they can sit wherever, they can stand wherever, they can exist wherever they want and they sit half a breadth apart. 

“Four years ago you turned and left, four years later we’re back here. This is enough.” Yuan states

“Can you stop staring at me then?” Qian asks.

gifs by @ueasking

And that in itself is a parallel to Episode 6 and Yuan begging, pleading, clutching at Qian’s knee for him to look at him. Qian could not look Yuan in the eye from the second Yuan told him he was suffering until the moment he returned home, and now Yuan refuses to break eye contact. (And as an aside, it is a very good indication that Qian is warming up to Yuan’s feelings because he says this in a very light, almost joking way. And he follows it with an empty threat, like the empty threat he gave to Lili when she said she didn’t want to go to school, one that Yuan calls him on immediately.) Yuan moves back to his seat, but even then he does not keep any physical distance from Qian, immediately reaching over to grab Qian’s rod ;-)

At the end of the episode, we get a very differently blocked conversation. It starts with the camera focused on Qian as he ices the back of his head, a place we know has caused him continual problems since the boxing match. Yuan knocks before he enters (which he did for the first time last episode), gives Qian a glass of milk (which they’ve definitely done in this show before), and in response Qian (rightfully imo) yells at Wei Zhiyuan for being dumb, then confronts him with the letter. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Qian asks, and it’s the first time he looks at Yuan in the exchange and Yuan takes it, turns around, and walks away without a word. Yuan puts the letter away and goes to sit on a chair in his room, looking across the hallway at Qian. And this is one of my favorite parallels in the episode, because of what it is doing with distance. 

gif by @ueasking

Earlier in the episode Yuan and Qian were fishing together and engaging in very intense conversation about their feelings and their relationship to one another (or rather, Qian was undergoing an interrogation about his feelings and hearing once more Yuan’s feelings for him). With all that wide open space at the river they were essentially joined at the hip the entire time. But here, when there is another very intense conversation about to happen- one where Yuan is breaking some news to Qian that is almost guaranteed to make him feel all the more guilty for sending Yuan away and going no-contact -there is as much space between them as possible.

So despite the fact that they are in their house, in a much smaller space than the river, despite the fact that they started the conversation in Wei Qian’s room, one of the few places Qian has been vulnerable in front of his family (especially when intoxicated, triggered, or experiencing symptoms of his chronic health condition), one of the few places that Qian has allowed Yuan to be completely carefree, cuddly, and affectionate with him (even sharing a bed), this space Qian has fought tooth and nail to make safe for his family, Yuan does not tarnish it by being in the room with him for the conversation. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

No, instead Qian will get this information with as much physical and emotional distance between them as Yuan can muster. 

“...some people started writing their last words” causes Qian to break eye contact with Yuan, but his posture, his breathing, all the rest of his physicality remains the same. Until…

“Everything I own is yours, whether you want it or not,”

That is what breaks Qian. Throughout the conversation as he is hearing about Yuan getting trapped, as he is hearing about Yuan thinking he was going to die, he is stoic, he is stone faced, the most movement you see from him is his eyes looking Yuan up and down in concern and his breath getting slightly quicker with each word, the turn of his head. But here he closes his eyes, he looks down at the ground, he releases his breath. It hits him so hard, the knowledge that he could have sent Yuan away and never seen him again, he sent Yuan away and Yuan could have died, where Qian was not around to protect him. 

It is just such a good mirror to the fishing scene, I love it so much. 

[hyukaslvr]

strong enough | J. Jungkook (3)

<series masterlist

pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

genre/tags: idol! Jungkook, idol! reader, idiot exes to lovers, slow burn ; k-drama feels (our beloved summer but not at the same time), angst, drama, fluff, smut

warnings: foul/explicit language, alcohol consumption, unhealthy coping mechanisms, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters, panic attacks, reader is harsh towards Jungkook, Jungkook is a meanie!, mentions of old abuse (major trigger warning!!), talk about blood and wounds

w.c: TBD

series summary: you and Jungkook have too many personal problems, during and after your relationship and it keeps getting brought up. you both had tried multiple times to ignore the fact you were both struggling mentally and physically due to your workplace, but you always run back to each other. maybe one day, one day you'll get back to each other, with all your problems handled, maybe not. all you want is for him to shine like he always does, all he wants is you.

a/n at very bottom!

To my love, my forever. You will soon find out the reason why I am the way am I. Give me some time, my love, I will express everything and more to you. Soon, you’ll have everything once I am able to love and care for myself the way I want to do to you. You deserve everything and more than what I could ever give you, and I will be there for you always. I may never give you this, I may never allow you to read this. But just know, you mean so much to me. Even if I’m a pain in the ass, or if I piss you off, you will always be the person who helped me want to change for the better. I know it may seem like i’m leaving you behind, but pushing you away is the best way for me and you to be able to find ourselves. Once we are settled and ready, I will never let you go, ever again. Mark my words, use them against me, but I know that once you let me in, I’ll never leave your side ever again. You’re my one and only, forever. You are my future, my light, the person who drags me to be right. You mean so much to me and more. But for now, let me go to become the one that deserves your love and wellbeing. Take care of yourself, Jungkook, you will do many good things in life, with or without me.

“i think you should give it to him,” one of your members slur out, making your already wobbly head tilt up to her as she hiccups for the 5th time that same hour, you sighed and your head pounded as your squinted tightly to look at her, “seriously! i think he would want closure that way,”

Jungkook definitely did. he knew that when you wrote letters, you meant every little thing. he knew something happened between you and your ex, his name is like a slap in the face to you, and he could always notice.

his hands started to shake as he continued to read your note, he didn’t know how you came all the way to his house just to ring the door bell and drop it off. he was even shocked to notice his name in your handwriting on the top of the note. he wasn’t mad about it, he was just so, so sad. his eyes burned as another drop fell onto his lap. Jungkook knew it was for the best, but why does it hurt so bad and why does he feel like he’ll never get better while you do?

Jungkook didn’t want to think that way, but he did. he always did, he hurts to see you go but hurts even more to see you shine without him. he kept all your little notes in a box, he was really considering giving it back to you since it was at some of your most vulnerable times. he wouldn’t want to keep these just in case he snoops through them, like he’s doing right now as he was putting the other note in there along with the tons of others.

one of them wrote a song that you made about him, him never leaving you and the way you love him. it breaks his heart more, knowing that you’re no longer around, and that he just keeps fucking up.

when you wake up the next morning, your hungover member told you about a box she found outside the door step with your name on it, your ears ring as you stand in front of the box sitting on your bed, biting the inside of your cheek because this was Jungkook’s box. it had a polaroid of the two of you with shots in your hands on his balcony last summer. it was his favorite picture of you both and wanted to keep it with all the letters you even written him.

you pace around your room for like and hour, biting your lip and running your hand through your hair to calm yourself down. it finally felt like you guys were officially over, no matter how many times you’ve broken up. when you opened it finally, there was a new one, one you definitely didn’t write. you don’t even remember going to his house and giving him the one you were gonna keep for your sake.

it was Jungkook’s hand writing, you knew it from the back of your palm, literally as you have a tattoo that he gave you himself. it read,

forever

and looking at it makes you sick. you felt like crap anytime you thought of him, what you had put him through, all the stuff he doesn’t know about you. you knew him so well, but did he actually even know you, truly? it made you want to cry, the tears lining your waterline and you fight the urge.

you give yourself time before opening up his letter, preparing yourself for the worst or to cry. when you start reading it, you felt like he was there with you. it felt as if he was pacing around your room, looking you dead in the eyes and telling you everything you’ve been wanting to hear, but at the wrong time.

I miss you a lot, I know I say that a lot, but it’s true. I’m glad you wrote me this, I’m glad you’re trying to find ways to open up to me, I’m glad you love me. You are my everything, I want what’s best for you, and if it’s not me then so be it. You deserve the whole fucking world, and I hope you know I tried so hard to give it to you. Maybe, in the long run, we can be happy together. Maybe we can be able to know each other truly, I always wanted to. I believe in right person, wrong time, because you’ll forever be my person, even if i’m not in the picture. I love you, ______, I always will.

you wanted to sob, you didn’t even know what to do. you had dropped the note off not expecting anything back, but getting everything back? even a letter from him, confessing how much he loves and cares for you. you didn’t know how to feel, if it was closure or not. to you, yours was supposed to be. his, his was a love letter, you’ll never let go of it.

you had one more promotion for you group, and you had to prepare in so many ways. you had to practice tons, and practing handling your emotions until you’re a zombie to what you truly feel, you couldn’t handle being around Jungkook for long. it’s crazy, how much you used to look at him thinking you’d never do anything to hurt him, yet you’re over here making him suffer because you are in your head. it tears at the deepest parts of you, and it makes you feel so much at once.

so when it came to the event, you felt your knees lock when you saw him sitting with his team. he looked breathtaking, and it sucks that you can’t look at him for long before you cry because he looks too good. Jungkook always looked good, but whenever you wanted to ignore him, it’s like he knows and wants to look that fine. you gulp hard because walking to over your assigned seats, a couple seats back behind them but at an angle to a way that you can see every part of Jungkook, his hands and thighs especially.

ones that put you through hell, sent you to another universe is what he would of said and has said before, smoking off your balcony as you sat on his lap with your legs shaking trying to not fall off. he laughed as he smacked your thighs, watching them shake more as you practically whine in soreness.

he took another puff off his cig before putting it down on his designated ash tray, but even knowing you didn’t smoke, he kissed you hard, forcing the hot smoke into your mouth and through your pipes, allowing him to do anything to you because you were obsessed with everything he did.

“fucked you out, huh, princess?” he said against your ear as he gave you a second to breathe, making you almost choke as his hand started to move down and between your thighs, giving them a squeeze before going deep between them to touch you where you shook the most.

let’s just say, the memory had your legs close tightly together. the thought of how much have gave you that night, it made you miss him even more for just taking care of you like he said he would. you could feel it starting to stick against your skin, immediately wanting to go to the bathroom.

you thought you were stable enough to walk down the stairs in front of all the idols and fans including, instead you almost dropped face first into the steps instead someone’s hand wrapped around your waist and around the inside of your thigh, gripping it hard as they held you from falling to your death infront of thousands of people.

“your shoes too big for you, baby?”

you really thought you were going crazy, that his presence was just teasing you. but as your eyes dragged themselves down to the hand around the inside of your thigh, you weren’t going crazy. the tattoos proving who the man really was and how his thumb was very close to your throbbing clit. you shivered before quicking bowing at him once you leave his grip and speed walking towards the exit.

the moment you got alone in a hallway, you looked around before pulling out your phone to text your leader where you were going to be, the bathroom, before you hear a door open behind you. you go to put your phone away, but a tight grip around your waist turns you towards the person, your phone falling on to the floor and your mouth to open up, perfect for the attacker to kiss you hard.

another hand grabs your hair and you immediately knew who it was based on the way he was holding you. he knew, and knew it was because of him. that’s all your thought about when his lips were softly against yours, until you felt his hands creeping up. he just knew how to distract you from the facts and knows how to get you to enjoy his attack.

“can we talk soon, princess?” he whispers lowly in your ear once he pulls away from your now desperate lips trying to reach his. you whimper at the nickname, one that just rolls off his tongue in such a degrading way, he grabs your chin softly, turning your face to face him. his eyes invited yours, and the longer you looked into them, the more you felt entranced by him.

“talk about what?” you sighed into his hold, which he notices and gives you your favorite smile in the whole world. it hard to ignore his hands gripping your waist, your hands clinging onto his dress shirt as he holds you, you didn’t expect to be in this position.

“we will talk later tonight, i’ll pick you up?”

“how, with what car-”

“i’ll figure it out, anything for you,” he presses his forehead against yours, making your eyes squeeze shut as he lets out a little chuckle because of your reaction to his proximity being so close to you, you could almost feel his breath against your lips. “you know i’ll do whatever i need to do to see you, i will figure out a way to see you later tonight, bunny, i promise,” he kisses your nose softly before letting you go without your even realizing he picked up your phone for you, a smile across his face as you nodded your head for him.

Jungkook didn’t give you a time, or a place to when he was going to pick you up. before you left the event, you had asked him what he was planning on doing with you and he just told you that you’ll have to wait and find out. Jungkook knew how to make you worry about what could happen. what should you even wear? is he taking me somewhere to eat? it’s kinda late for that-

doink

something just hit your window as you were pulling your pants up, you almost tripped in shock but managed to pull them up and fix yourself before going to your window. there he was, the man of your dreams, the love of your life, standing down there searching for more rocks to toss at your window.

you cracked your dorm room window open, not even wanting to question how he managed to get over the brick wall to get into the dorms, and he smiles when he sees your head peaking from the bottom of the window. he pats his hands on his thighs while you watch him with curiosity.

“get down here bunny, we have a lot to do tonight,” he stood up straight, hands put in his pockets as he stared off at you. you would of jumped right there into his arms after that nickname, you almost whined before nodding your head like an idiot and shutting your window.

you managed to sneak out, grabbed your shoes at the front and headed out from the back blind spot and running to where Jungkook stood, his hands tucked in his pockets to stay warm. his left arm raised so you could wrap your arm around it, a habit of the both of you. you just ignored the bad feelings and wrapped your arm around his, feeling his arm tighten around yours as you both started to walk to the car.

“you gonna tell me where we’re going, Jeon?” you tilt your head, your left knee against his center console as your left side rested on his passenger seat. his hand slid up to your knee, leaving you in shock as he gripped it in warning.

“stop asking questions, baby,” he tapped his finger on your knee, not even bothering to look your way. you huffed as you closed your eyes, trying to ignore his thumb moving against your thigh now, his hand resting against it too.

“Jungkook, you know we can be doing this again. i know you remember what happened last time,” you warned, your head felt like it was spinning, none of this felt real. Jungkook bit his lip ring in thought, he just wanted to talk to you and apologize. he always wants to talk to you even if he’s been rude.

“______, what do you think i’m going to do to you tonight?” he spoke deeply, it sent waves through your spine, and down to your poor kitty. it’s crazy, what this big eyed man can do to you with only his hand on your thigh while he speaks to you like your his.

“i- i don’t know, what are you asking me? i’m just confused why you’re doing this-”

“what do you want me to do to you tonight, baby? is there something else bothering you that only i can fix?” his hand rubs your inner thigh, occasionally softly squeezing the skin closest to where you needed help the most. “i’ll do whatever you want me to do to you, you just have to speak up, darling. is that okay? can you do that for me, princess?”

you almost moaned, gasping at his eagerness to help you with whatever you want, and you knew he meant that. “Jungkook, we can’t be doing thing again, as much as we want to-”

“fuck that and fuck no contact, we were doing good as fuck the last time we were friends. can we not be friends, baby?”

“that’s why! you keep calling me my favorites, you can’t do that to me..” you whined, you wanted to hide away as he giggled at how you whined. when the car slowly starts to come to a stop, you got reminded that the whole time you were talking to him, getting teased by him, he was driving. “Jungkook… where are we?”

“let me help you out and show you,” he smiled, and you just knew that you had to trust him, why? because he’s Jeon Jungkook, why wouldn’t you trust the love of your life?

when he open your door, hand already reaching for his as he helped you out of the car, the smell of salt hit your face in a whiff, making you smile at the moment you had at this beach with Jungkook. but why here? why did he want to talk here?

you didn’t trust your voice, watching his open his back door to grab a blanket and cigs, which you thought he quit, with a lighter and a flashlight. you didn’t say a word as you hugged onto his arm as he walked to a specific place, your guys place. the place where he gave you head for the very first time, you found sand up there for at least a day after that.

“do you trust me, sugar?” Jungkook asked you, tugging you to sit next to him on the blanket over the cold sand at the dark lonely beach. it’s like he knew what you were worried about, could you trust him again? it’s not like he broke your trust, it’s about you trusting yourself around him. if anything besides talking happens tonight, and you guys become exactly what you were afraid of becoming, you won’t know what to do with yourself.

it’s a bit selfish you thought, as his hand rested against your shoulder as you snuggled against his neck, breathing in only Jungkook and a little bit of salt. you loved this, but it couldn’t get any farther than this. just small, and slight, touches and sometimes kisses, only at certain times. the sound of the waves crashing tingled your ears, debating if you should listen to his heartbeat or not.

“do you know why i want you out here with me tonight, baby?” his voice vibrated your cheek as he spoke, his fingers gliding against the thin fabric of your long sleeved shirt. you hummed, you felt him swallow before you moved your head to face him.

“i wouldn’t have asked you that a million times in the car, Jungkook,” he smiles when your eyes finally reach his. he used to ask you, what did you see when you looked into his eyes? you usually just laughed it off or ignored the question, but now you think you know the questions answer. Home. in other words, Jungkook was your confort, the one you would go to, the one who makes you feel the safest, the one who keeps you feeling warm. Jungkook was your favorite.

Jungkook leans in, you can almost feel his breath against the wind, you almost forget where you are when you look deeply into his eyes. he leans so close to you that you could almost kiss him. you feel his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you closer- and closer to him, until your hovering above him.

you looked down at him, his hand sliding down your waist and on to your thigh to swing your leg over his body. he’s got you now, almost spread wide for him as his eyes glazed your entire body, making your shiver.

“let’s that about why you were so wet when i caught you from eating shit in front of everyone today, huh? or maybe… why you’re so wet right now, was it from the car ride? you just couldn’t wait, hm? baby?” he smacked your thigh, and you almost whimper at his words, “sit down on me, love. you know you want to. i’ll do anything you want me to, just let me in this one or more times and you won’t regret it this time,”

oh boy, you were in for a ride. baby, princess, sugar, darling, bunny, love. hearing that one burned, deeply in two places. your poor heart as you feel his hands grip your sides, and your poor throbbing cunt that it about to get slammed onto his hard on resting below you. either or, you know you’re safe and whatever happens can be dealt with. why? because you’re with Jeon Jungkook, why wouldn’t it be fine?

a/n: holy shit, this took forever and i sincerely apologize!! i love how this episode turned out and i will give you guys a slight warning! spicy scenes are coming up and I’m not backing down from this. it will be the dirtiest, most greatest- yeah! anyways, thank you for your patience, i love you all🥹

taglist: @loumin908 @heartjiminie @cuntessaiii @parkinglot-nights @minsoa97kor @jkgirlfr @lavendersugarplum @gaebestie @whoa-jo @kp0pficdump @yunholuv @skzthinker @shwkoqp18 @veemegatron @kaiparkerwifes @alextgef @nerdycheol @nightappple @nlr1606 @chl0buggy

if your tag isn’t gray, please fix your settings so i can tag you next time love!

[iridessence]

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

[scmg11]

KATE BISHOP x READER

TUTORING

A/N: HELLO HELLO HELLO! I know, I disappeared for a long time after promising I had one new chapter ready, but college is really testing my patience and strength, but here I am! How are you guys?

I hope you enjoy this new concept that came into my mind and let me know if I should continue this.

Sending you love ❤️

-

Summary: Kate is failing two classes and to avoid getting kicked out of the school's team, one of her professors asked Y/N to help her.

Warnings: none.

Word count: 18382 words.

-

The bell rang loudly throughout the hallways and the classroom signaling the end of the current class and the beginning of the next one, all the students gathering their belongings and saying goodbye to their teacher as they walked out of the classroom and sauntered into the hallways.

"Ugh I hate Mr. Thompson. He likes to make my life a living hell."

"Well Cass, if it makes you feel any better he hates me too." Y/N joked with a small snort as she placed her Calculus book back into her locker and grabbed her literature one, snickering a bit when she head the blonde groan beside her before slamming her head on her her still closed locker door.

"I don’t know why he pushes me to know how to throw a punch. I’m gonna be an engineer. We use math and physics to create things, not punches."

"Well you could, when something doesn’t works you could always use a bit of violence." Y/N kept joking with a wide smirk that only broadened when Cassie slapped her shoulder gently as she opened her locker to grab her literature book too, happy that she was going to share a class with her best friend.

"Ha-ha. Very funny." Cassie faked laughing, closing her locker and leaning her back on it as she watched students walk up and down the hallway, "it’s not like you’re any better at physical stuff. You suck at any sport."

"That’s not true." Y/N snorted as she also closed her locker and leaned on her right shoulder to stared at Cassie, who was sporting an unamused expression. "I like all kind of sports, I just don’t like being part of them."

"Ha! That’s just a nice way to say you suck at sports."

"Whatever." Y/N rolled her eyes with a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips as she gently pushed on Cassie’s shoulder to urge her to walk towards their class. "C’mon or we will be late."

"Make me." Cassie stayed frozen in her spot and snickered loudly when Y/N struggled to push her and make her start walking, causing her to loose her balance for a second and collide harshly with another student’s body.

"Oh no, I’m so so sorry!" Y/N looked up from her gaze on the floor after she regained her balance from the harsh collision and almost fainted when she was met with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes she had ever seen, "I-I’m- sorry."

"It’s okay, don’t worry. I was actually in a hurry and I wasn’t watching where I was going." Y/N smiled politely at the black haired girl and watched from the corner of her eyes Cassie sporting a small, cheeky smirk as she watched her best friend interact with the blue eyed girl, and made a mental note to hit her hard as soon as she was finished talking to the blue eyed girl. She watched as she black haired girl nodded softly at her before walking away, Y/N watching her go for a few moments before turning around and hitting Cassie hard with her book.

"Ow!"

"That’s what you deserve for being an ass. You made me embarrass myself and crash into one of the most popular girls in school."

"Oh honey, you do all the job of embarrassing yourself. I didn’t do anything at all." Cassie teased Y/N as they started their journey to their literature class, snorting loudly when Y/N merely grunted at her.

"I hate you."

"No you don’t." Cassie sing-sang as she entered the classroom and took her usual seat, watching Y/N take her place in front of her before turning slightly around to face her and keep their conversation, that shifted to another topic, going since their teacher hasn’t arrived yet.

"I’m telling you the truth!"

"There’s no way. My dad would never."

"I swear, I saw him eat at least 3 cookies around 3 a.m. when we had our sleepover."

"Fuck! He promised me he wouldn’t eat them! Those were for his clients!"

"Well 3 clients didn’t have their cookie." Y/N joked with a small chuckle as she watched their teacher enter the classroom before turning herself back around and waited for the class to start.

"Oh Miss Bishop! How nice of you to join us!"

"I’m sorry!" About 5 minutes later, the blue eyed girl entered the classroom out of breath and a bit disheveled after running towards her class, taking the last seat in the room, right beside Y/N, smiling politely at her and nodding in her way, doing the same with Cassie, then focusing her attention to the teacher as she kept on with her class.

"Okay class, do not forget to read to page 328 to page 341. We will discuss everything in class next week." Miss Peyton finished speaking just in time, because as soon as she was done, the bell rang and all the students gathered all their things to go to the cafeteria to have their lunch, "oh Miss Bishop, Miss Y/L/N can I please have a word with you?"

Cassie stared at Y/N with furrowed eyebrows as they both stopped their walk towards the door, but Y/N merely shrugged, clueless about why their teacher wanted to talk to her and to Kate after class. "I’ll see you in a bit, can you grab lunch for me too?"

"Yes of course, I’ll see you later."

As soon as all the students left the classroom, Miss Payton saying goodbye to the last teenager with a big smile, she turned her gaze towards Y/N and Kate still waiting in their seats and slightly confused. The teacher’s face the turned serious as she dropped her smile and assessed her students, "okay girls, I wanted you to wait for everyone else to walk out because I need to talk about something really important. I will be quick you can have your lunch."

"Okay, what is it, Miss Peyton?" Y/N asked politely with a calm voice. She wasn’t nervous, she was the top of the class, she was polite to everyone, she was always on time to class, she stayed out of trouble, she was just confused as to why Miss Payton wanted to talk to her with Kate.

"I- Kate that you are failing my class and Mr. Craig’s class." Miss Peyton announced to the black haired girl quickly, sighing out sadly, making Kate stare at her in concern, "you need to improve your grades or, as your coach informed me, you will be out of the team."

"What?! No! Why? I’m trying to study as much as I can to get better!"

"I know, I can see it. But it’s not enough for Coach Miller. I want to help you. That’s why Y/N is here." Y/N perked up at that as she stayed silent to listen to what Miss Payton was telling Kate. "She will tutor you in literature and math. You will have all the semester to improve your grades. I talked to Coach Miller and he will not kick you out of the team if you will pass your final tests."

"Great!" Kate huffed out in frustration as she collapsed ungracefully on the chair, slammed her hands on the desk before starting playing with her fingers angrily.

"It would be a pleasure to help you." Y/N spoke up with a polite smile and tone, hoping to help Kate to calm her nerves down. To be honest she didn’t want to deal with Kate Bishop at all. She was the most popular girl in school, the star of the school’s soccer team, a great archer that collected trophies after trophies, medals after medals and also one of the most wanted girl in school. She had never interacted with her before today. She was the nerd of the school, she was closed-off, she avoided all kind of school gatherings unless they were mandatory. But she needed to please every teacher’s request to reach her goal and enter Harvard with Cassie like they had always dreamed. So she was willing to make an effort for the sake of her future.

"I don’t have a say in this, do I?" Kate completely ignored Y/N’s sentence and stared at Miss Payton in annoyance. Y/N scoffed under her breath at Kate’s rudeness, before focusing on their teacher’s answer to Kate’s rhetorical question.

"I’m afraid you don’t. It will help you, trust me. Y/N one of the school’s best students. I know you two will get along pretty well and you will improve your grades quickly!" They both nodded as they said goodbye to their teacher after discussing a few things about Y/N tutoring Kate before the two girls walked out of the classroom and took different paths without saying a word to the other.

"What the hell did Miss Payton want from you?"

"She just asked me-." Y/N trailed off for good measure, smirking inwardly when Cassie was literally hanging from her chair impatiently, but Y/N took her time to place her bag beside her feet before pulling the chair back and sitting down slowly, but Cassie grabbed her shoulders and slammed her onto the chair to urge her on, causing a small laugh to leave the Y/E/C girl’s lips, "eager to know, are we?"

"Yes. Now keep going."

"She asked me to tutor Kate." Y/N told her best friend nonchalantly before grabbing her salad, taking a forkful and eating it.

"What?!" Cassie screamed incredulous, her small shriek caused a few heads to turn towards them, but she paid them no mind, "why are you saying this like it’s no big deal?!"

"Because it’s not?!" Y/N said rhetorically using the same tone Cassie used to ask her question, causing a small scoff to leave the blonde’s lips as she rolled her eyes at her best friend.

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Yes! I’ve tutored plenty of our classmates and a lot of other students here. It’s really no big deal."

"But we’re talking about Kate Bishop now!" Cassie stressed her words out with a look between desperation and frustration at her best friend nonchalance. She was smart, but she could be truly dense sometimes.

"She is just another student Cass, relax."

"No, she is THE student. The star of the school’s soccer team, the most wanted girl in our school, the heartbreaker, the world’s greatest archer as anyone puts it, not to mention really fucking hot." Cassie finished her speech pointing her fork full of pasta towards Y/N before eating her bite and chewing on it happily. She then rolled her eyes when Y/N rolled her own with a loud sigh.

"I’m not interested in her Cass. We’ve never talked before and after our tutoring sessions it will be back like that with us ignoring each other. Hell I don’t even know if she will show up at our tutoring sessions. We didn’t exactly speak, like at all, after talking with Miss Payton. We just walked away, without even saying goodbye."

"Well maybe she needed a moment to think about it. I don’t think she won’t show up. I mean, these tutoring sessions has to be mandatory for her, am I right?"

"Yeah, apparently if she doesn’t improve her grades in Miss Payton’s and Mr. Craig’s classes, Coach Miller will kick her out of the team." Y/N finished off as she took the last bite of her salad and drank a sip of water from her water bottle.

"Oh shit, that’s bad. She’s definitely showing up to your tutoring session, I’m 100% sure."

The two best friends changed topic and started talking about Cassie’s father, Scott, and his girlfriend Hope, taking Cassie to an amusement park the prior weekend, "no way! Shit Hope is strong."

"Yeah! She formed a crowd all around the punching bag machine and-." Cassie stopped her retelling abruptly when she recognized the approaching figure walking towards their table and swallowed loudly when she met their eyes with her slightly widened ones and smiled awkwardly up at them.

"What?" Y/N turned herself around to look herself at what Cassie was staring at behind her back and almost fainted and fell off the chair when, for the second time that day, she was met with the most intense ocean blue eyes she had ever had the pleasure to meet with her own Y/E/C eyes.

"Hi." Kate said in a small tone and a tiny smile, before staring at Cassie and grinned at her too, "hi." She repeated to the blonde before moving her eyes back onto Y/N.

"Hello." Y/N didn’t exactly intended to answer that coldly, it was just that Kate’s eyes were really distracting.

"Hi." Cassie replied to Kate’s greeting ten times more politely than Y/N, with a bright grin on her lips and a small wave, something that made Kate smile gently.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Y/N had a small problem formulating words as she tried to kickstart her brain, to no avail of course, but Cassie came to her rescue and kicked her shin hard under the table, trying to conceal her gesture as much as she could, and almost laughed when Y/N squealed quietly under her breath and jumped a bit on her chair. Cassie smiled in apology at Y/N when she stared at her with a mix of anger, wrath and pain before regarding Kate with the softest expression she could muster despite the excruciating pain in her leg, "sure."

"Thank you." Kate smiled gently at Y/N before regarding Cassie with an apologizing grin, "sorry, it won’t take long, I promise."

"Don’t worry, you can even get rid of her for me. She is annoying." Cassie cracked a joke with a wave of her hand, triggering a soft chuckle from Kate while Y/N flipped her off with her middle finger, but Cassie merely smiled sweetly at her.

Y/N sat up, wincing a bit from her still a bit aching and painful leg, and walked towards the exit of the cafeteria, stopping a few feet out of the door, that effectively muffled the student’s loud chatter, "so, what do you need?"

"First thing first, I’m Kate."

Y/N stared at the hand stretched over in front of her for a few moments, before grabbing it and shaking it gently, "I know. I think pretty much the whole school knows who you are. I’m Y/N."

Kate chuckled gently under her breath and shook her head at Y/N’s joke, "I won’t take too much of your time of your lunch, I just needed to ask you if we can start as soon as we can with our tutoring sessions. I really need to not be kicked out of the team."

"Sure, we can start this afternoon after our classes." Y/N conceded with a small shrug, not failing to notice how beautiful Kate’s wide grin she had just triggered with her words was. But she discarded those thoughts immediately.

"Great! How about around 3 p.m. in the school’s library?"

"Hm, I’m afraid it’s closed." Kate stared at Y/N in confusion and the Y/H/C girl had to discard again thoughts about how cute Kate looked with her confused frown to instead Y/N was clarify to Kate’s silent question, "it’s Friday. Library always closes after classes."

"Oh right. Sorry, I usually study at home."

"It’s okay."

"Okay, so, we can study at my house. My mom is working late and my dad is on a business trip. We won’t be disturbed."

"Okay, yeah." Y/N nodded politely as she smiled gently at the black haired girl, noticing how happy she looked after she agreed to start their tutoring sessions right away.

"Okay, I’ll meet you at your locker at 3 p.m. okay?"

"Yeah. I’ll see you later."

"See you later." Kate winked towards her as she started her walk opposite the cafeteria and Y/N had to admit she swooned a little at the charming gesture as she turned around and opened the cafeteria’s door and walked back towards Cassie, before stopping in her tracks as a thought made its way to the forefront of her mind.

"Wait, how does she know which one is my locker?"

-

"And she looked so good! You should’ve seen her!"

"I did Cass, I was right beside you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you were too busy drooling for her to notice my presence." Y/N snickered when Cassie pushed on her shoulder hard, making her loose her balance for just a second as she grabbed her things from her locker, "I still don’t get why you don’t ask her out."

"Are you out of your mind?! I will never ask her out!" Cassie spoke to Y/N with her eyes widened in shock as if Y/N told her the most unbelievable thing in history. "She doesn’t like me. She doesn’t even know who I am."

"She likes you Cass, she looks at you like a lovesick puppy!"

"You’re just speaking nonsense now. She doesn’t like me and I’m pretty sure she is dating that jackass. What’s his name? Carl?"

"Cory. And I don’t think they’re dating." Y/N laughed when her best friend got their classmate’s name wrong, bumping their shoulders together amusedly, "I will prove to you she likes you. You just need a great wingwoman to help you out." Y/N puffed her chest out proudly and lifted her chin in an authoritative way, all the while Cassie stared at her blankly before turning her expression into a surprised but curious one.

"Oh do you I know her? Can you please introduce her to me?" Y/N deflated at that with a roll of her eyes and punched Cassie’s shoulder gently as she laughed her ass off at her own joke, "okay, on a serious note, I don’t think I will ever find the courage to ask her out. I’m way too out of her league."

"Are you being serious right now? Cass, she is the one out of your league. You are smart, beautiful, funny. She would be a fool to reject you. And if she will ever reject you, it’s her loss." Y/N placed her left hand on Cassie’s right shoulder before squeezing it in a comforting manner and smiled softly at her, the blonde mirroring her right away with a bright, thankful grin.

Just as when Cassie was about to open her mouth to reply to Y/N’s encouraging words and to thank her for boosting her mood up, Kate approached them shyly and smiled at the two best friends cordially with a small wave, "hey guys."

"Hi." Y/N said quickly as she pulled her hand away from Cassie’s shoulder, turned around and finished retrieving her things from her locker, while Cassie, who already finished pushing everything in her backpack, smiled brightly at Kate and waved back at her.

"Hi Kate. Just a little warning, she can be a lot sometimes when she talks about literature, so if she ever starts talking too much, the button to shut her up is right here." Cassie pointed to the back of Y/N’s head, getting Kate’s complete attention, who watched her with a small smile adorning her lips, "you just push this button here and she will shut up automatically. Like this- look." And then Cassie slapped the back of Y/N’s head, right on her nape not hard to hurt Y/N, but not exactly gently, making Y/N almost drop her backpack on the ground.

"Cassie Lang!" Y/N turned her head towards Cassie with a withering look as she massaged the back of her head with her right hand while her left one gripped her backpack hard.

"What?! I was just helping Kate by giving her tips about surviving studying with you."

Y/N turned to look at the black haired girl, who was trying to prevent her laugh to come out of her mouth by biting on her bottom lip hard, but it was becoming a really difficult task with the bickering still going on in front of her, before regarding Cassie with an unamused expression, "I hate you."

"No you don’t! I’ll see you tomorrow." Cassie quickly kissed Y/N’s right cheek, before waving at Kate happily, "bye Kate, good luck with her."

"Thank you. Bye!" Kate waved enthusiastically at Cassie and watched her run towards the school’s exit before focusing her attention back on the Y/H/C girl when she heard a locker close beside her. "Ready to go?"

"Yes! Let’s go."

"How were classes?" Kate asked to fill in the silence wrapping around them as they walked towards the exit, the school’e hallways already empty since it was Friday.

"Good. Yours?"

"Pretty good."

"Great." Y/N sighed as she felt as awkward as ever with Kate. She didn’t know her and she wasn’t exactly good with people she didn’t know, especially when she met them for the first time a few hours prior. "Did you have soccer practice today?"

"Yeah, this morning." Kate answered earnestly as she opened the school’s exit door and held it open for Y/N to walk out first, the Y/H/C girl thanking the blue eyed athlete with a polite smile, "I came here around 7 a.m."

"Thank you." Y/N’s grin fell off her face when she heard what Kate said and widened her Y/E/C eyes in shock, "wait- what?! Why so early?"

"We have a game this Wednesday. It became a daily routine coming to school earlier than everyone else a week prior our game to train alone. I like practicing on my own sometimes."

"Wow, you have a lot of pressure on you." Y/N pointed out as she noticed a stressed frown form on Kate’s forehead and felt bad for her, she knew how it feels to have a lot on your shoulders.

"Yeah, when you are the, and I quote, ‘the most promising striker of the league’, you tend to have a lot of pressure and attention on you. I try my best to give what everyone wants." Kate shrugged as they walked into the school’s parking lot, Y/N pretty much following Kate since she didn’t know where they were going, but as she listened to Kate’s words, Y/N couldn’t help but hear a bit of tiredness and sadness in her tone, making it look like Kate resigned herself to do what everyone wanted from her and wasn’t happy to do just that. She felt bad for her, so bad that she couldn’t control the words that left her mouth in form of a question.

"And what do you want?" Y/N noticed Kate trying to mask the shock and bewilderment, clearly not expecting Y/N to ask that question, but Y/N pretended she didn’t notice and gave her time to answer her.

"Hm- I like doing sports. I do that since I was little. I won a lot of medals and trophies for them but- I feel like soccer will be nothing but another sport I’m good at."

"Hm- you didn’t answer my question completely though." Y/N teased Kate to lift up the heavy air suddenly surrounding them and felt relieved when the black haired girl snorted under her breath with a small, amused smile and a soft shake of her head.

"I will. One day."

"Hm, cryptic and mysterious. I like it." Y/N nodded and fell silent, letting her mind dwell on how easily they were getting along and how comforting Kate’s presence was for a few seconds, a shocking realization to Y/N since they literally met properly that morning, a few hours prior, but it was short lived when Kate’s voice pulled her out of her head.

"Okay, that is our lift home." Kate pointed to a grey Mercedes C Class parked in the school’s parking lot as they approached the expensive vehicle. Y/N was surprised, to say the least, when the blue eyed girl opened the left rear door and signaled her to slip in, "I haven’t got my driver’s license yet. Nick is driving me around wherever I want, whenever I want until I do, so I try to take advantage of that." Kate explained, winking at Y/N jokingly at the last part, making Y/N nod in understanding.

"Oh wow, cool." Y/N looked around the car curiously as soon as she got in and waved awkwardly at Nick when he waved at her from the rearview mirror before focusing on Kate entering the car and closing the door.

"Yeah." Kate sighed contentedly as she sat comfortably on the comfy seats and closed her eyes for just a moment to relax her whole body and mind, she was still a bit exhausted from her practice that morning, and Y/N let her be since she didn’t know what else to say to Kate.

They didn’t talk a lot during their car ride towards Kate’s house as Kate took a moment to rest a bit before studying with Y/N for their tutoring sessions while Y/N took advantage of the silence and the moment to herself to look outside her window and admire the view running fast out of the car. "We’re here Miss Bishop."

"Thank you Nick."

"Thank you. Have a nice day Nick."

"You too Miss-." The driver stopped mid-sentence since he didn’t know Y/N’s name, making the Y/H/C girl smile at him shyly as she watched Kate open the car door to exit the vehicle.

"Y/L/N. Y/N Y/L/N."

"Right, have a nice day Miss Y/L/N."

"Goodbye Nick!" Kate smiled warmly at Nick and waved at him before closing the door after Y/N walked out of the car and guided her into her parents’ building, "c’mon, this way."

"Wow, this building is huge and so classy." Y/N exclaimed as she stared all around herself in awe, trying to look at all the details the front of the amazingly looking building had to offer to her eyes, "oh wow, that’s great!"

Kate laughed softly under her breath when Y/N looked at John, her building’s doorman, opening the door for them, "hi John, I missed you." Kate chuckled some more as she tried to make Y/N move from her frozen spot beside John on the door’s threshold, as she stared at the tall, old man in complete awe. "C’mon Y/N, you’re scaring him."

"Hello Miss Bishop, I missed you too. It’s been far too long since we’ve seen each other." Kate laughed heartily at their usual internal joke as they joked about them missing each other and saying it passed a lot of time since they’ve last seen each other every afternoon after school when in fact they had seen each other that same morning. "I see you have company today."

"Yeah, she is Y/N, she is my classmate."

"Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Y/N." The Y/H/C girl shook the doorman’s hand gently after she finally pulled herself out of her stupid awed daze by softly shaking her head.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Y/N. I’m John." The two girls said goodbye to John and took the elevator to go up to the penthouse, Kate laughing in anticipation as she tried to imagine Y/N’s expression when she will see her house.

"What?" Y/N heard Kate stifle a small snort and looked at her in amusement with a small smile tugging the corners of her lips as her eyes shined happily under the elevator’s lights.

"Nothing." Kate snorted loudly this time as she collected her thoughts and tried to explain them to her friend? Classmate? "I was just thinking about your reactions on seeing my parents’ building’s front and having a doorman."

"Well I couldn’t help it, this building is beautiful and a doorman? Really? That’s so cool!"

"Well that’s not why I was laughing."

"Then why?" Y/N asked confused as she watched Kate snort again after her words, not clearly following her train of thoughts.

"Because I can’t wait to see your reaction when you will see my house."

"What? What possibly- oh my god!"

Kate chuckled under her breath when Y/N stopped herself mid-sentence as soon as the elevator’s doors opened and revealed Kate’s elegant and huge penthouse. "See? I told you. That’s why I was laughing, I imagined that would be your reaction." Kate pointed to Y/N shocked face and giggled some more, not understanding how she could be so comfortable with someone she only started talking to that morning.

"Well excuse me, but this house is huge and so beautiful, and- I- I’m speechless."

"I’m glad you like it." Kate smiled warmly at the still stunned Y/H/C girl as she took her coat off and hung it on the coat rack, "can I take your coat?"

"What? Oh yeah sure." Y/N had to blink a few times to get herself back on earth as her mind wrapped itself around Kate’s question, before taking off her coat and handing it to Kate with a grateful smile, "thank you." Y/N sent Kate another small, grateful grin but her Y/E/C eyes couldn’t help but sweep some more around to take the black haired girl’s beautiful house in.

"You’re welcome. Do you want something to drink before we start studying?"

"Just water please."

-

"So? How was it?!" Cassie appeared right beside Y/N as she placed her books for her school day in her locker, making the Y/H/C girl roll her eyes fondly at the girl’s eagerness.

"Hello to you too Cassie. Oh I’m good thanks! I spent a great weekend, how was yours?"

Cassie rolled her eyes at her best friend’s antics but before playing along, she decided to tease her some more, knowing Y/N was stalling to answer her question, "drama queen." Y/N stared at Cassie unamused and the girl finally relented, "okay, fine. Hi Y/N/N, how are you? Great! Okay now, how was it?" Cassie talked quickly to try to get Y/N to talk about her tutoring session with Kate on Friday, since she had been in San Francisco with her dad for a small vacation and she hadn’t time to call her.

"Eager are we?" Y/N teased Cassie some more to take some more time to answer to her question just for a bit of personal entertainment, she loved watching Cassie getting impatient on things she wanted to know, "how was your trip with your dad?"

"Yeah, yeah, it was cool. Now answer me!" Cassie urged Y/N on with slapping her repeatedly on her left shoulder, making her best friend laugh heartily at her for her need to know how was her tutoring session with Kate, something that amused the Y/E/C girl to no end.

"Okay fine, I don’t know why you want to know how it went. It was a normal tutoring session. We studied a few things from our literature class. Nothing much."

"That’s it? Ugh you are so boring Y/N/N." Cassie exclaimed, a bit disappointed in her best friend at knowing nothing much happened during her tutoring session with Kate Bishop.

"What? Why are you saying that?"

"Because you two just studied! That’s boring!"

"What were we supposed? Save the world?" Y/N asked sarcastically, snorting at her own joke and shook her head.

"Things."

"Wait- what do you think would’ve happened?!" Y/N asked with widened eyes as she looked at her best friend like she was crazy, not exactly understanding why Cassie was behaving like that, especially with that dangerous grin on her face and with her eyebrows wiggling mischievously.

"I don’t know! Maybe you two getting along, trying to get to know each other, becoming besties, stuff like that." Cassie listed with an exasperated tone, feeling the need to slap Y/N at how dense she was being in that moment.

"Cass, I love you but you watch too many movies. She is trying to not get kicked out of the team she clearly cares about. I’m just doing my job in helping her by tutoring her."

"Yeah, but you are tutoring one of the most popular girl in our school. Everyone talks about watching you two get into a car together." Cassie explained excitedly as she tried to make Y/N understand why she was so excited and eager to know about her tutoring session with Kate, she was starting to get popular by just being seen with the most popular girl in school.

"Like I said, you watch too many movies Cass." Y/N chuckled as she closed her locker and leaned on it with her right shoulder, Cassie mirroring her by laying on the locker next to Y/N’s one with her left shoulder and facing her best friend, "I am a nobody here. No one acknowledges us except when they ask us to help them with homework or during tests or when that douchebag pick on us. I am not getting popular like you're thinking. I’m just Kate’s tutor. That’s it."

"We don’t need any of them Y/N/N. We are going to Harvard while all these idiots are probably gonna stay here regretting being assholes that bullied us instead of studying and getting a life." Cassie spoke as she moved away from her locker, puffing out her chest and lifting her chin up in pride, before making Y/N move away from her locked too by pushing on her right shoulder leaned on the locker before circling her shoulders with her right arm and pulled her closer to side hug her.

"That’s why I love you, you know exactly what to say to calm my nerves down." Y/N smiled appreciatively at the blonde, who merely waved her off with a scoff, before widening her eyes in fake shock as she realized what Y/N just told her.

"Did I hear you right? Did you just say you love me?" Cassie had a million dollar smile on her face as she looked at Y/N with mirth swimming into her blue eyes, something that made Y/N roll her eyes feigning annoyance.

"Nope, I didn’t. You must’ve made that up." Cassie laughed heartily when Y/N tried to escape her best friend’s embrace but Cassie used her other arm to lock Y/N into her arms, her left side flushed on Cassie’s front, making the Y/H/C girl groan in frustration, "this is kidnapping. Please someone help-." Y/N pretended to ask for help from Cassie’s attack, closing her eyes as she pretended to suffer from the embrace Cassie trapped her in and making the blond laugh heartily at her in the process, but in their giddy state neither of them noticed the approaching figure until they came into their line of sight and made Y/N stop mid-sentence.

"Hm, hi?"

The two best friends stopped their childish banter right away at the small, shy voice coming from their left, Cassie releasing Y/N from her strong lock and let her go before both turned fully towards Kate, grinning softly at them, "hi Kate." Cassie was the one to speak first, sending the soccer player a genuine smile before side-eyeing Y/N that stayed quiet beside her and smirking inwardly when she found her staring at Kate with an awestruck glint in her Y/E/C irises as she tried to keep a poker face on. But Cassie had known her since they were little and she knew exactly when Y/N was trying to not gay panic in front of a pretty girl. Hm, this is very, very interesting. The blonde thought as she deftly hit Y/N’s left ribs without being seen or being too obvious she was trying to get her best friend back on earth from ‘Gay Planet’ and broadened her inward smirk when Y/N blinked a few times before finally finding her voice.

"Hi." Y/N tried and hoped the grin she sent to Kate wasn’t an awkward grimace, but a genuine smile as she felt an odd happiness swirl around her stomach at her presence, "how are you?"

"I’m good, thanks. How are you guys?" Kate asked with her smile widening a bit as she felt more and more comfortable with the two best friends each passing second, "I saw you two bicker from afar, is that what you two always do? Because I seem to always find you two doing that." Kate chuckled under her breath and as Y/N was still patting herself on her right shoulder for acting cool in front of Kate and asking a question to make casual conversation with her instead of just lamely saying ‘hi’ to her and keeping staring at her like an idiot - Cassie would have added ‘in love’ or would have used ‘like a lovesick puppy’ to express and describe how Y/N was staring up at Kate - her mood quickly crumbled into embarrassed shame as she cursed under her breath for looking like an idiot in front of Kate. She totally discarded the question ‘why are you concerned about Kate discovering your childish behavior with your best friend?’ her mind came up with, crumbled it and pushed it to the farthest end of her brain to not think about it anymore, hopefully.

"Oh we are good. And yeah, we do that all the time. It’s always the same script. Y/N feigning having a cold heart that isn’t capable of loving, while I try to make her admit she loves me. I always win."

"No you don’t."

"See? She’s heartless." Kate chuckled amusedly as she eyed the two best friends for a few seconds with mirth and some kind of nostalgic feeling swirling into the pit of her stomach before focusing on why she approached the two girls.

"I won’t take up any more of your bickering, even though I would love to witness you two do that all day, Y/N, I just needed to know if we can study today. I need to get as much studying done as I can before our match that will be in two weeks. Coach Miller just told me this morning that if I pass at least one of the two exams he asked Miss Payton and Mr Craig to let me take to start improving my grades, he will let me play."

"Yeah, of course. I would love to help you."

"Great! Thank you!" Kate thanked Y/N with a million dollar smile and restrained herself from hugging the girl since they had known each other for just a couple of days and weren’t exactly friends, "we can meet here at 3 p.m. and go to my house."

"Sounds good."

"Okay I need to go now or I’ll be late, I’ll see you in class later! Bye!"

"Bye Kate." Cassie yelled when the black haired girl waved at them hastily and run away to go to her first class, Y/N doing the same with a big smile on her lips.

"Bye Kate." Y/N watched the black haired girl turn the corner and sighed wistfully before adjusting her backpack on her shoulder, "what?" Y/N asked when turned her head around and found Cassie staring at her with a smug, knowing grin and her right eyebrow lifted up teasingly.

"Oh nothing, I was just watching you two interact."

"So what?"

Cassie smiled with mischief swirling into her blue eyes at Y/N urging her on with annoyance written all over her face at her beating around the bush to tease her, "what did you say right here on Friday? Oh yeah, now I remember, ‘I’m not interested in her’." Cassie did her best at imitating Y/N’s voice with a serious face before erupting in a loud laugh when the girl rolled her eyes at her annoying best friend.

"Very funny." Y/N pushed on Cassie’s shoulder when she kept laughing and urged them to walk towards their first class, "why don’t you become a comedian instead of an engineer?"

"Because then you would make my life a living hell for having you as the center of all my shows. No thank you." Cassie kept making fun of Y/N as she delighted on Y/N’s annoyed and unamused expression on her face, before schooling her expression and giving Y/N some mercy, "but anyway, on a serious note, I saw how you look at her."

"No don’t start."

"Why? Y/N/N you literally froze when she came up to us. If I didn’t hit you, you would still be there staring at her like a lovesick puppy."

"Okay, I like her eyes. It’s not a crime admiring someone’s eyes."

"How cute." Cassie commented sweetly, before focusing back on her thoughts, "but I would like to say you not only looked at her eyes, but I interrupted you before you could eye fuck her-OHW!"

Cassie caressed her sore shoulder right where Y/N had hit it and massaged it gently to try to subdue the pain, "remind me why I still hang out with you?"

"Because you love me and because I’m fucking awesome."

"Hm, these are really debatable statements." Y/N countered back nonchalantly as she shrugged her shoulders, making Cassie gasp in fake shock as she laid an hand on her chest.

"You bitch!" Cassie exclaimed with a fake shocked face, a small smile cracking her façade when she noticed the tiny grin adorning Y/N’s lips and hit her gently on her shoulder before smacking her bicep again when Y/N started chuckling under her breath. "Deny it all you want, I know you love me!" Cassie exclaimed as she entered the classroom and sat right behind Y/N before slapping the back of her shoulder again.

"Ohw! Stop hitting me!"

"Not until you admit you love me." Then Cassie pointed her statement by slapping repeatedly Y/N’s left shoulder with her hand and laughed heartedly when the girl shrieked cutely as she tried to shield herself away from Cassie’s attack, but to no avail due to the proximity of their chairs, "admit it."

"Okay fine, I love you."

"That’s better."

-

"No wait, you have to put 5 there."

"Ugh, I knew I got it wrong!" Kate exclaimed exasperated, leaning her head between her hands to calm down herself down.

"Hey no, you are doing great. Don’t put yourself down." Y/N lifted her hand up to try to comfort the black haired girl that slammed her head on the table and groaned in frustration but in the end retracted it and placed it back on her lap, deciding to try to comfort the girl with only her words since they had met just a week prior and they couldn’t even consider themselves friends. "You just need some practice like with sports and I can assure you, you will do great in the test. Trust me."

"But I can’t understand it."

"You are very close to understand it. I had troubles with this too." Y/N admitted, making Kate lift her head up to stare at her curiously.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was angry at myself for not understanding some things, but then I just closed my books and opened them after taking a break. I almost slapped myself when I noticed it was very much simple." Y/N shrugged with a small smile on her lips as she recognized a lot of her emotions when she dealt with this math problem when she studied it in Kate’s frustration and anger as she now studied it.

"So you’re just suggesting to take a break?"

"Yeah, close that book and don’t think about it for a bit. Just relax and release all the stress. I can go if you want. We can continue this tomorrow." Y/N spoke with an insecure and shy tone as she bounced her eyes on and off everything around her in Kate’s fancy looking living room to avoid at all costs Kate’s mesmerizing blue irises staring at her gratefully, fearing she would make a fool out of herself if she got lost in them like she does every time she looked into those eyes.

"Are you kidding? Now it’s like a personal challenge! We can chill for a bit and then continue studying, if you don’t have to go home yet." Kate proposed as she closed her book and notebook.

"No, I can stay a bit more, it’s okay."

Kate smiled at Y/N’s words and nodded resolutely, happy she could spend some more time with the Y/H/C girl, "okay, then. Now tell me about yourself."

"What?" Y/N asked in mere panic as she widened her eyes and looked at Kate like she was crazy, she wasn’t prepared for that question asked out of nowhere.

"We know very few things about the other- well technically you know a lot more about me compared to me that I only know you are one of the best students in school. So since we have a bit of spare time, why don’t we use it with getting to know each other?"

"Oh, uhm, okay." Y/N nodded gingerly with a shy tone, feeling her stomach flipping over itself at the thought of the black haired girl wanting to get to know her.

"Only if it’s okay with you." Kate said with uncertainty and shyness swirling in her ocean blue eyes as she stared at Y/N softly, something that warmed Y/N’s heart to no end and instantly eased up her nerves.

"Yeah, of course. I’m just not really used to- y’know interact with people other than Cassie."

"Why? I mean you seem like a really cool person, you are one of the best students in our school, you are a great tutor and you are funny. I don’t get why you only hang out with Cassie." Kate delivered all those compliments to Y/N and meant them with all her heart, something that made Y/N almost pass out as she tried to calm herself down, and asked that question just out of pure curiosity since she couldn’t understand why Y/N was so socially awkward.

"Thank you. I just- I don’t know. People think that just because you have good grades and don’t do any sport you are automatically considered a geek that you have to avoid at all costs. Plus not being attractive like the head cheerleader and her minions makes you more avoidable." Y/N shrugged nonchalantly, speaking up her mind about something she had always discussed with Cassie but she shockingly wasn’t uncomfortable doing with Kate too. It was surprisingly comforting talking to the athlete about a few of her insecurities.

Meanwhile Kate couldn’t believe what was coming out of Y/N’s mouth. She knew Y/N and Cassie were, among a few other students in their high school, harassed by a few jocks and popular douchebags but she never had the occasion to witness those moments to stop them from happening and she sometimes hated herself for that. She hated when things like that happened. "What? Are you serious right now?" When Y/N stared at Kate like a deer in headlights, not knowing what she referred to, Kate sighed out dejectedly. She couldn’t believe Y/N was so used on bringing herself down and belittling herself so much and so easily, she needed to make her believe it was exactly the opposite of what she thought of herself, "okay, I don’t know if you need to hear it or not, but Y/N stop treating yourself like that. You are beautiful, inside and out. I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. No one should. Everyone needs to experience high school like a normal teenager and not avoiding making new friends because they pretend you don’t exist just because you are smarter than them or fearing crossing paths with jocks that are complete assholes because they would make fun of you. It’s bullshit."

"I wish that was all."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked alarmed as she sat straighter on her chair while looking at Y/N nervously, fearing her answer and hoping Y/N wasn’t going to confirm what she was thinking.

"We get slammed into lockers or pushed in the hallways all the time. We get called like ‘nerds’ or ‘teacher’s pet’."

"What?"

"It’s not that bad, we try to find entertainment in it. Like- last week Trevor called Cassie ‘dyke’ and when she told him to be more creative he slammed her again into the locker and stammered ‘pussy licker’. We gave him a 7 for trying."

When Kate noticed Y/N using a solemn tone and shrugged at the end of her sentence, her heart fell right into her stomach, "why are you saying this like you are okay with that?"

"Because I have to be. I can’t change things. It is what it is since our freshman year. I didn’t change their mind then, I can’t do that now in my sophomore year and I will not do that in my senior year. I- we just accepted it and we try to take the fun out of it."

"Y/N." Kate started with a worried tone, feeling bad for how poorly the two best friends had been treated since their freshman year. She met them just a week prior and know nearly nothing about them, but they seem really cool people to hang out with and these hierarchical positions and social constructs about jocks bullying people that has good grades and does not enjoy sports like they do really makes her blood boil.

"It’s okay Kate. You don’t have to feel bad. I try- we try to not to get it to our heads and we try to stay focused to get out of that hellhole of place." Y/N reassured Kate with a smile that Kate immediately saw through and noticed it didn’t reach her eyes, but she decided to not comment on it and moved their conversation onto something else, putting aside this topic for now.

"Shall we start again?" About 15 minutes later Kate jumped up from her chair and exulted loudly with a fist up in the air when she finally got the math problem she couldn’t understand not too long prior, before engulfing Y/N in an awkward hug since the Y/H/C girl was still seated in her chair but Y/N tried to reciprocate the gesture as she tried to will her body to stop melting from just an hug with the black haired girl.

"See? I told you you could do it!"

-

"I’m so fucking worried Y/N."

"Relax Kate, you are gonna do amazing. We studied a lot and you are now doing better in math. Take a deep breath, it will help you calm down." Y/N reassured the black haired girl as she grabbed her book for her third period from her locker before sending a reassuring and calming smile towards the worried, black haired girl that was wringing her hands nervously while staring into space into the hallway full of students.

"I am afraid that if I do that I will faint."

Y/N chuckled at Kate’s statement as she closed her locker with a shake of her head, before looking at Kate fully, "okay, let’s not do that. Hey." Y/N tried to get the black haired girl’s attention and the Y/H/C girl almost fainted when Kate’s ocean blue eyes met her Y/E/C irises right away, but the Y/H/C girl got a grip on herself and tried to reassure the athlete. "You are gonna do great. Trust me."

"Hm." Kate emitted in a strangled, not so convinced whimper while keeping wringing her fingers some more but never taking her eyes off Y/N’s ones.

"Okay, let’s think about a deal, so you will be more encouraged to pass your exam. Think about anything you want." Y/N suggested, hoping this would help the girl relax her nerves down and she succeeded when she noticed Kate’s eyes losing their worried glint as they filled with resolution. Kate thought about something for a few moments before grinning widely, a sign that told Y/N, the black haired girl found something for their deal.

"Okay, if I pass my math exam you will come to the game tomorrow night. If I don’t pass my exam you are authorized to hit me with your math book. Repeatedly."

"Hm, a very interesting offer." Y/N hummed in thought, speaking up right away, "deal." Y/N immediately accepted, making Kate believe she was doing so just because she wanted to hit Kate with her math book, when in fact she was sure she was gonna pass her math exam. Although she wasn’t completely sure about going to Kate’s game, it was the least she could do for her to make her feel better. "I can’t wait to create a Kate head-shaped dent on my math book, my Cassie one is feeling lonely. It will be amazing to show around."

"Shut up." Kate pushed on Y/N’s shoulder gently with a small smile adorning her lips as she watched - with butterflies flying around her stomach that she totally ignored - Y/N laugh heartily at her expression, before shaking her hand to seal their deal - and ignoring again her butterflies in her stomach at the softness of Y/N’s hand and at the spark that their touch created-.

-

"Ugh, I’m starving. Y/N hurry up or I will bite your leg to dwell my hunger."

"Let’s not re-enact our fight in fourth grade. I got stitches for two weeks. C’mon, let’s go before you eat my books." Y/N had the time to close her locker before she got slammed into it when a body collided on her back a second later, "what the-."

"I PASSED IT!" A familiar voice yelled in her right ear, making her almost going deaf, but as soon as she registered those words she couldn’t care less about anything else in the world as a shit eating grin appeared on her features and reciprocated Kate’s hug as she could, "I PASSED IT!"

"Kate! Oh my god! I’m so happy for you but please I’m becoming one with my locker." Y/N said in a muffled murmur due to her squished face on the uncertainly cleaned and extremely cold surface of her locker, making Kate realize she was almost hurting Y/N and released her a second later.

"Oh sorry." Kate admitted with a grimace and got off of Y/N right away, helping her pull away from her locker and smiling at her sheepishly before her grin broadened widely as she thought again about why she jumped on Y/N, "I passed my math exam."

"Yeah I heard you the first time you yelled it in my ear." Y/N admitted sarcastically as she waved at her right ear to mock Kate some more before smiling at her softly, "see? I told you!"

"Thank you. So so much." Kate looked at Y/N with gratitude, her chest filling up with happiness.

"Congratulations Kate and welcome back in our school’s team, they would have sucked tomorrow without you." Cassie spoke up to break the sudden tension that rose when the two girls grew quiet as they looked into each other’s eyes like the other put stars in the sky, inwardly freaking out for Y/N for maybe finding someone that really liked her for who she was, and smiled at the black haired girl softly.

"Thanks! You are coming tomorrow night too, right?"

"What?" Cassie asked confused as she looked at Kate quizzically, not understanding what she was asking.

"We had a deal this morning. If I pass my math exam, she will come to the game tomorrow night. And I did, so she has to come now. And you are coming too, right?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely!" Cassie nodded enthusiastically as she already planned a few questions to ask to Y/N about this interesting deal she made with Kate. "I can’t wait."

"Me too! I need to go, Coach Miller wants to see me. I’ll see you guys tomorrow."

"Bye Kate!" Cassie waved enthusiastically at the blue eyed girl before focusing quickly her attention as Y/N did the same.

"Bye Kate, I’ll see you tomorrow." Cassie swallowed the snort that was ready to come out when she watched Y/N staring lovingly at Kate as she walked away, the blonde ready to play Cupid if Y/N wasn’t going to make a move tomorrow night.

"Wow, it took you only one week to be completely whipped." Cassie mocked Y/N as she made whipping sounds, reveling in Y/N’s blush that immediately fell on her cheeks as she tried to cover it up with a roll of her eyes and pushing her towards the cafeteria.

"Let’s go jerk. No more talking or I’m making you starve to death today."

-

"Close your mouth, idiot. You’re drooling." Cassie taunted Y/N in a casual tone, never taking her eyes off their classmates running around the field to warm up before the game and smirked mischievously when Y/N choked on the small sip of water she was drinking from her bottle, before closing it and hitting Cassie with it. "Hey!"

"That’s what you deserve for being an ass! Stop making fun of me!"

"I’m sorry! But it’s just so funny, but also cute. You have a crush on Kate."

"I don’t have a crush on her." Y/N murmured while crossing her arms stubbornly, deep inside already knowing Cassie was right.

"If it makes you sleep at night." Cassie spoke with a knowing tone as she bumped her right shoulder on Y/N’s left one and smiled softly at her, "but seriously, you don’t need to deny it with me Y/N/N. It’s cute and honestly I’m happy she likes you too."

"Woah, woah, slow down. No one said anything about Kate liking me back."

Cassie smiled at Y/N unconsciously admitting she liked Kate, watching as she noticed it too and sighed out loud, not saying anything since it was pointless denying it now that she inadvertently admitted it to Cassie, "I can see it in the way she watches you, or from the smiles she reserves just for you. And let’s admit it, she invited you to watch her game. She only needs to dedicate a goal to you and she is literally pushing her vagina in your face."

"Cass!" Y/N chastised Cassie as she turned around to make sure no one was listening to them, sighing out in relief when everybody around them was fully focused on the field.

"What?!" Y/N blushed furiously under Cassie’s knowing look but shook her head at her best friend’s antics a few moments later as she pondered on what she just said. Does Kate really likes her back?

"Hey! You came!" In her pensive state she didn’t notice Kate approaching them from the field and shook her head to get rid of her troubled thoughts as she focused on the blue eyed girl now in her soccer uniform with her hair high up in a ponytail. Y/N thought about how she had never seen someone being that effortlessly beautiful in every way and almost slapped herself when she realized she was staring without saying something for a moment.

"Yeah, well, we couldn’t miss our Captain bringing our team to the win." Y/N admitted casually as she tried not to focus on Kate’s biceps standing out from under her uniform’s t-shirt’s sleeves as she leaned her forearms on the railing in front of her, focusing instead on the beautiful smile Kate sent her way at her words.

"I hope so. Just so y’know, if I score tonight it will be all for you. Because if I am here tonight it’s just thanks to you." Kate smiled softly at Y/N and the Y/H/C girl pretty much imploded right then and there, thanking God Kate got called by her teammate since the game was about to start, leaving her to combusting in her spot with a small blush adorning her cheeks. "I’ll see you guys later!"

Cassie waited a few seconds as she watched Kate running towards the field before commenting on what she just witnessed, "like I said, she is smashing her pussy in your face." Y/N’s blush deepened as she tried to calm her own core down and making it stop from pulsating at Cassie’s words, the blond having the decency to whisper it in her ear this time instead of yelling it, "I find it so cute."

-

Like promised Kate scored 3 goals that night and every time she pulled away from her teammates’ hug she met Y/N’s eyes and smiled widely at her before winking at her every single time, something that warmed Y/N’s heart among some other parts. "Congrats for the win Cap!"

"Thanks Cassie!" Kate thanked the blonde before focusing on Y/N, eager to hear what the girl had to say as she tried to calm her heart down from beating so fast - she knew it wasn’t from the exertion but from Y/N’s extreme beauty and her dangerous close proximity - hoping she was doing a good job in looking cool.

"I don’t know Cass, she is pretty bad at soccer. I mean she never scored and never even touched the ball at all tonight!" Y/N taunted Kate with a serious, disapproving tone, looking at Kate like she was scrutinizing her before a smile rolled on her lips when Kate laughed heartily at her joke.

"Yeah, I ask myself why ever playing soccer when I am always on the sidelines." Kate continued on with Y/N’s joke before shaking her head as they shared a laugh, "hey, hm- Kelly is throwing a party for our win at her house, are you guys in?"

Cassie smiled widely at Kate’s words and was ready to answer when Y/N spoke up with an uncertain tone before she could talk, "hm- I don’t-."

"We’re in!" Y/N turned to look at Cassie for just a moment before reveling in the small squeal Kate emitted at Cassie’s answer for their assured attendance at the party.

"Great! I need to shower first, then I’ll go there. Do you guys know how to go to Kelly’s house?"

"Hm, actually no. My dad drove us here." Cassie replied shyly as both girls scratched the back of their heads in embarrassment as they blushed furiously. They both didn’t know why they were acting so embarrassed all of a sudden, they were only 15 years old after all and since they had yet to be 16 years old they both haven’t yet had the chance to get their driver’s license. "I was just about to text him to come and get us. Okay nevermind, he is here!" Cassie placed her hand on her forehead when she noticed her father Scott waving at her from not too far from them with a baseball hat before watching him approach them with a bright smile on his lips.

"Hey girls! What a nice game! Oh hey, you are the Captain of the team! Hi big fan!" Kate chuckled in amusement at the man word vomiting his excitement on her, noticing how similar Cassie was to her father and her heart swelled at the cute duo hugging as Scott circled his arm around Cassie’s shoulders and side-hugged her.

"Always nice to meet a fan!" Kate nodded at the man with a wide smile and watched him do the same, looking like a kid in a candy store at her gesture.

"Dad can you take us to a party?"

"Oh yeah sure! But I’m afraid I can’t come get you back girls, I have an important meeting with the boys for an important possible investor and I won’t be available for a while."

"It’s no problem sir, I can take them back home. Actually you don’t have to drive them either, they can come with me."

"There’s no need Kate, we don’t want to bother you too much." Y/N tried to reason with Kate as she tried to calm her own heart down from beating so loudly, fearing Kate could hear it. To be honest she didn’t know when her crush for Kate started, but in hindsight she knew it would’ve been inevitable. The black haired beauty was funny and witty, but also a little bit goofy and clumsy, and let’s not forget smart. Even if she needed to tutor her for math and literature, Kate was extremely good in other scientific subjects, like biology and physics. She had really good grades except for literature and math but during their tutoring in this last month she proved to be an extremely fast learner. She was also so pure of heart and very kind, something that astonished Y/N just a bit, since she had always pictured Kate to be like every other athlete in their high school or to be like the athlete stereotype that you always watch in movies or tv shows. Dumb, full of herself, an heartbreaker and a total asshole. Kate was far from being that and as soon as Y/N realized it, she started crushing on her. She hated when Cassie was right.

"It’s no problem, truly!"

"Okay then, it’s my clue to leave- oh can we take a selfie? You are a great!" Cassie slapped her forehead with her hand at her father’s antics while Y/N and Kate chuckled heartily at his excitement and for being a total goofy in front of her daughter and not caring about that one bit. Y/N, Kate and Cassie, despite her embarrassment, could say he was truly excited about wanting to take a selfie with Kate.

"Sure! But on one condition." Kate smiled brightly before putting a serious face on, watching as Scott, after retrieving his phone from his pocket and opening the camera app, stopped in his tracks as he made his way towards Kate with his phone in his hands, looking a bit concerned, "you have to send it to Cassie so she can send it to me."

This put a million dollar smile on Scott’s face as he resumed its small walk towards Kate and took a few selfies with her. Meanwhile Y/N was dealing with trying to calm her heart down after bursting out at Kate’s eager and truthful words, fearing the black haired beauty could hear it from where she was standing a few feet from her, "she is a good catch. Don’t let her go away Y/N/N."

Cassie’s words whispered in her left ear struck Y/N hard, making her head spiral out of control as she kept watching Kate and Scott hug briefly after taking those selfies. She didn’t know why Cassie’s words hit her that hard, but they did. She already admitted to herself she was crushing on Kate, but actually acting on that said crush? It never even occurred to her Kate could ever like her back. She was way out of her league. But with Cassie’s comments pointing out a few actions Kate did that same night and her genuine behavior was instilling a small seed in her mind that was sprouting fast and she felt she couldn’t control it. The question that she couldn’t seem to answer was: was she really ready to make the first move? And as that question echoed around her head, another one made its presence know in her mind: if Kate liked her back, would she ever make a move or just ignore it since they were worlds apart?

"Y/N?"

"Hm?" Y/N got pulled out of her mind by the center of her thoughts, making her blink a few times and shake her head to come back on earth.

"I said, is it okay if you wait for just 15 minutes? I need to shower then we’re ready to go."

"Of course, go on. We’ll wait on the bleachers."

The three girls got their separate ways after saying goodbye to Scott, the two best friends walking towards the bleachers while Kate run towards the locker room to go have a shower and change as quickly as she can to go to the party with Y/N and Cassie. "So? Are you gonna do your move tonight?"

"I don’t know Cass. I’m too awkward with these things. And we still don’t know if she likes me back. No-." Y/N lifted a hand up to stop Cassie from talking when she opened her mouth to interject, "we can’t be sure with just a few things like ‘she dedicated each goals to me’ or like ‘she looks at you like you put the stars in the sky’. Remember that I still have to tutor her for the rest of the semester and I can’t ruin things by making them awkward with me declaring my crush for her, especially if I don’t know if she feels the same. I don’t want to be rejected."

"I know Y/N/N, I would never allow anyone to hurt you. You know that. But I wouldn’t push you to make a move if I wasn’t sure she liked you back. I would also never push you to do anything, I am just suggesting it."

"Why are you so sure, though? Did you hear Kate talk about me or something?" Y/N asked with a sarcastic scoff as she rolled her eyes good-naturedly, before moving them towards her best friend when she didn’t answer to her question right away and found her avoiding her gaze at all costs by flipping her blue irises from one place to another while she biting on her bottom lip nervously and wringing her fingers slightly in embarrassment. "Cass? You didn’t hear Kate talk about me, did you?"

"No! Of course not!" Y/N sighed out loud at Cassie’s quick answer, but she instantly chocked on her saliva on what Cassie added right after, "I just heard about a few girls gossiping in the bathroom about Kate rejecting a girl at a party a week ago."

"What? Really?" Y/N asked flabbergasted as she widened her eyes comically. It wasn’t a secret that Kate liked to have some fun with their school’s girl and with girl’s not from their school. She had dated a few of them but she mostly liked to hook up with them or just have some fun with kissing them at parties. So it was really uncommon hearing about Kate turning a girl down. It only happened when she was in a relationship and since everyone knew about her being in a relationship, the girls would stop throwing themselves at her to respect her relationship - even if they did throw themselves at her, Kate would’ve have never cheated on her girlfriend, she wasn’t like that. She, in fact, hated people like that. She turned down a lot of girls that were in a relationship and tried to hook up with her. It wasn’t a good behavior. - . "Wait, are you sure she isn’t dating someone and she just said no to that girl?" Y/N reasoned with Cassie, as much as this new piece of information made her heart beat fast in her ribcage, almost as if it was ready to come out of her chest, she needed to be realistic and not let herself hope for Kate to like her back when there wasn’t hope for Kate to like her back at all.

"Yup. When that girl laughed at her, stating, and I quote-." Cassie lifted her arms up to make quotation marks with her pointer and middle fingers of both hands, curling and uncurling them repeatedly in the air, "‘stop being so funny. You are not really rejecting me.’" Y/N snorted at Cassie using an high-pitched voice to imitate the girl’s voice, but let her continue, "Kate stated that she was in fact serious and when the girl tried to reason with her, she asked if she was in a relationship and she said no before leaving her there." Y/N sighed out loudly at her best friend’s story, not wanting to get her hopes up again, she didn’t want her heart to break if Kate didn’t like her back.

"It doesn’t mean anything Cass. Especially it doesn’t mean she likes me."

"Well okay, it may not mean she likes you, but it could." Cassie reasoned with Y/N as she caressed her shoulder softly, watching the troubled expression on Y/N’s face. She knew it was starting to become difficult for Y/N to be around Kate, especially because she didn’t want to make a move to avoid ruining their friendship. She was going through the same thing with her own crush and Y/N was doing the exact same thing Cassie was doing with Y/N right now, pushing her to make a move but she was too much of a coward to do just that. So they were both suffering in silence as they stared longingly from a distance theirs crushes. Two idiots in love.

Y/N was ready to open her mouth and counter back when Kate got into vision right as she sauntered towards them, making Y/N’s mouth instantly dry up as she took in Kate dressed in tight, black, ripped jeans, an old, white Rolling Stones t-shirt, a black leather jacket, her hair flowing down her shoulder in perfect waves and light makeup to highlight enough her ocean blue eyes. "Oh shit."

"Close your mouth Y/N/N or you will catch flies." Cassie mocked Y/N in a sing-song tone, taking a look at Kate herself and she had to admit the black haired girl was looking really good, before watching Y/N stare and ogle at Kate in awe with her mouth slightly parted. Y/N instantly shook her head to look at least slightly smart instead of an idiot and tried to look cool, disinterested and uncaring as Kate walked the last few steps towards them.

"Hey girls, ready to go?"

-

The party was already going when they arrived after about an hour, teenagers dancing all over the living room, an improvised and really heated beer pong match going in the kitchen, loud music blasting from every speaker present in Kelly’s house and just everyone having a good time drinking with friends. Kate, as Y/N expected, got pulled away from the two best friends almost immediately, her teammates making a toast to their win in the living room as everyone else circled around them and cheered them on. What surprised Y/N was that Cassie got pulled away from her not too much later from none other than her crush Ava, that asked if she wanted to be her partner for a new beer pong match. Cassie immediately looked at Y/N for help with widened eyes and was ready to decline Ava’s request, but Y/N immediately pushed her towards her with a smile, "go have fun and please do not come back here if you lose. I don’t wanna be friends with a loser." Y/N joked, eliciting a fond roll of her eyes from Cassie, before smirking when a second later a fire got ignited into Cassie’s blue eyes. Cassie, ever the competitive, nodded and walked away and that was how Y/N found herself leaning on a wall in a far end of the living room observing her ‘friends’ drinking, dancing and having an overall good time. Y/N’s Y/E/C irises fell on Kate’s happy face as she danced care-freely with her friends and instantly mirrored her million dollar smile as she laughed at something her friend must have told her and couldn’t stop the butterflies in her stomach to fly around like crazy at the view. She lost sight of Kate after a few minutes when a new EDM song made the whole crowd erupt in loud whistles before everyone joined the dance floor to dance to the EDM song, so she sighed loudly and grabbed her phone to scroll mindlessly on her Instagram feed to kill time now that she couldn’t ogle Kate from afar. After about 3 minutes she almost threw her iPhone up in the air when she jumped up in fright at the voice that whispered into her ear.

"Not a party fan, hm?"

"Holy sh- Kate! You scared me!"

"Sorry!" Kate chuckled under her breath at the girl’s reaction before smiling softly down at her, "so, not a party fan?"

"Not really. To be completely honest it’s my first time being here. I’ve never been invited to these parties. Not that I would’ve showed up if they really and actually invited me."

"But you came here tonight after I invited you." Kate pointed out with the cutest furrow of eyebrows Y/N had ever seen and for a moment she contemplated her answer. She could find a witty remark or a joke to pull but as she got lost into those ocean blue eyes for a few seconds, she made up her mind and in the end decided to be honest with the black haired beauty. She had been a bit straight forward tonight, if she was really trying to show Y/N she actually was into her. So as soon as Cassie’s words echoed around her mind, she decided to answer to the blue eyed girl as earnestly as she ever was.

"Because you asked me to come Kate."

"Really?" Kate asked like she couldn’t believe what she just heard and widened her eyes just bit as she leaned her head back a slight bit, as if she wanted to take a better look at Y/N to be sure she heard her right.

"Yeah, to be honest I would be in my room watching a movie or a tv show right now if it wasn’t for you." Y/N answered honestly, shrugging her shoulders softly with a small smile on her lips, something that Kate found extremely cute to witness as a small smile appearing on her lips.

"Well-." Kate started to say but got stopped right after by someone yelling right beside her and making both girls jump up in fright. "Do you wanna go to a quieter place upstairs?"

"Hm-." Y/N hesitated a few moments and swept her eyes all over the living room from her position at the far end on the left side of the room, leaned on her side with her left shoulder, before focusing her eyes back on Kate as she leaned on the door’s frame, situated on Y/N’s left, with her right shoulder, making them almost face each other, and almost forgot how to talk when she met her ocean blue eyes with their dangerous proximity.

Watching Y/N’s hesitation at her question, Kate was quick to add something that she was sure would ease the Y/E/C girl’s nerves, "I swear if someone else will scream in my ear, I will punch them as a reflex."

Kate’s joke immediately put a smile on Y/N’s lips before a small laugh left her mouth, immediately calming her nerves down. "We definitely don’t need that to happen." Y/N giggled some more and she swiftly lifted one hand up to cover up her mouth embarrassed at the sound, overwhelming Kate with urge to grasp the girl’s wrist and push her hand down to admire Y/N’s smile, but she stayed frozen in her spot as her mind turned into mush at the muffled but adorable sounds coming out of Y/N’s mouth.

"Why not? It could be fun."

"It would be, yeah. But then it would most likely transform in a fight and I don’t want to patch you up after." Y/N joked giddily before chocking on her snort when Kate rolled her eyes at her and grabbed her hand right after - a bold move that was totally impulsive but Kate patted herself on the shoulder for that -, pulling her up the stairs to one of the guest rooms, knowing this house like the back of her hand.

"Just so y’know I’m a black belt. I would knock anyone out twice my weight and height in probably 5 second- nope wrong room." Kate grimaced when she opened one of the guest room’s door and found a couple making out without shirts on the bed, the Y/H/C girl wearing the same grimace as Kate at the sight they stumbled into, slammed the door shut quickly and pulled Y/N towards the next one. Both sighed out of relief when they found it empty. Kate walked over the bed and sat down gently before patting the mattress softly to signal Y/N to do the same. Y/N stared at Kate’s hand on the comforter for a few seconds before switching her eyes on the couch not too far from her, debating in her mind if she should sit as far away as she could from Kate so she could act like a normal human being, or if she could just listen to her heart and sit beside Kate even if it meant probably acting like a fool in front of her crush. In the end, after staring into the black haired girl’s intoxicating ocean blue eyes and finding hope and anticipation in them, she decided she could not face the disappointment and hurt she would put into those amazing blue irises if she decided to sit far away from Kate on the couch and walked towards her to sit beside her. The smile Kate gave and the happiness clear in her eyes made her brain short-circuit immediately.

"So you’re a black belt, hm?"

"Yes, I earned my black belt when I was 12."

"Wait, are you serious?" Y/N asked incredulous at Kate’s answer, a mix of pride and shock filling her chest, "you were 12 years old when you got your black belt?"

"Yup! And I’m proud of it!"

"I’m sure of it. I mean, you were only 12! Jeez, remind me to not get in an argument that leads into a fight with you." Y/N stated with widened eyes, eliciting an adorable laugh from the girl as she shook her head amusedly.

"You better!" Kate joked with a warning tone, pointing a finger towards Y/N with serious eyes, before letting her façade down and giggling softly when the girl lifted her arms up and put a frightened look on her features. "No but seriously, I would never hit you even if we were in a fight. Not only because you can use those skills only when it’s strictly necessary, but also because it’s you. I would never hit you, not even unconsciously."

The butterflies in Y/N’s stomach exploded at that admission and the girl had to stop herself from kissing Kate right then and there as a sudden urge overtook her. She just lifted her eyebrow up menacingly and pointed at Kate in warning, "hm, you better Bishop. I will fight back, just so you know."

Kate giggled gently under her breath and shook her head softly at the girl’s goofiness before changing topic of their conversation and starting talking about her game as Y/N was genuinely interested in her thoughts about it. They then moved on light topics, talking about everything and anything at the same time, hobbies, favorite tv show, favorite book, and before they realized it 2 hours passed by with them talking. Y/N noticed it was nearing midnight only when a yawn made herself stop talking mid-sentence and forced herself to move her eyes away from Kate’s ocean blue ones to grab her iPhone from her pocket and look at the time, widening her eyes comically when she read it was 12:07 A.M. and it made Kate chuckle softly under her breath, "what?"

"Holy shit, it’s 12:07 A.M.!"

"Wow, time flies by when I’m with you. It’s amazing." Kate stated and let her million dollar smile unfold on her lips like she just didn’t drop a bomb on Y/N that made her heart beat so fast she was sure the black haired girl could hear it from beside her, staring intently into Y/N’s eyes and making Y/N literally melt under her gaze as she got lost into those big ocean blue eyes she had loved since the first time she looked into them.

"Yeah." Y/N nodded in agreement as she smiled back at Kate, "luckily I told my parents I am going to spend the night at Cassie’s after the party or they would’ve grounded me for a month for being this late."

"My mom and my dad are out of town, so I’m covered. Besides, they know about these parties and they let me crush at my teammates’ house when it gets too late." Kate admitted with a shrug and shivered wildly when she turned her head towards Y/N and noticed how close their faces were, her body getting invaded by the urge to kiss her by the second.

"That’s so cool. My parents are not that strict but they would get worried. Well now that I think about it, they would probably throw a party to celebrate me acting like a real teen and going to parties and staying there late for once." Y/N joked but Kate could see behind her eyes a melancholic glint that made Kate’s heart clench, filling her up with the urge to hug her as hard as she could, not to mention making the need to kiss her grow copiously.

"Is it really your first party?" When Y/N nodded Kate sighed out loudly, "oh Y/N/N, I’m sorry. I should’ve invited you sooner."

"Kate it’s not your fault. I’m used to being the lone kid. The looser that no one wants around. The annoying student that everyone avoids and consider ugly. It had been like this since middle school and it never changed. Honestly it got worse. At least I wasn’t bullied then like I am now." Y/N discarded the butterflies that erupted in her stomach at Kate calling her with her nickname and smiled sadly up at her instead when a frown settled on Kate’s - in Y/N’s opinion - flawless features.

Kate felt sadness invade her whole body as she heard Y/N belittle herself that much as anger boiled under her skin and run fast in her blood, invading her whole body in a second, as she heard again about Y/N being bullied in their school. "Stop Y/N/N please. I can’t let you talk about yourself like that. You’re not a lone kid, or annoying or ugly. You are so beautiful, smart and funny. Anyone would be lucky to call you their friend, their girlfriend. I would feel the luckiest girl on earth to call you mine. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Don’t ever believe otherwise." Kate decided to wear the heart on her sleeve and offer it to Y/N in hope she would at least feel the same about her and she almost fainted when she noticed Y/N’s eyes fall on her lips, both feeling their heads gravitate towards one another, so close their breaths mingled together and their noses almost brushed together, all the while never breaking their staring on each other’s lips. Kate was sure a small whine left her throat at the hungry look Y/N had in her eyes when she licked her own lips greedily, making Y/N mirror her while they both moved closer slowly.

"Kate I-."

"Shh, don’t talk." Kate interrupted Y/N as she got closer and closer, happy to know Y/N did the same, both their hearts beating fast into their ribcages while their stomaches flipped over themselves. Kate’s eyes fell on Y/N’s lips for one last time before she closed that small gap that was between them, butterflies erupting in both their stomaches in anticipation but before they could feel the other’s lips on their own, they jumped apart in fright when the door opened quickly and a couple of drunk teens entered the room.

"Oh sorry!" The girl apologized before giggling when the boy behind her kissed her neck hungrily and hugged her from behind to pull her into his body.

"No don’t worry, we were leaving anyway." Y/N stated as she sat up quickly and pretty much run out of the room while Kate found herself sat still with her eyes open wide and her heart beating fast in her chest before sitting up fast and running after Y/N a few seconds later when she realized the girl wasn’t sitting beside her anymore.

"Y/N wait!" But it was too late. Y/N as soon as she run down the stairs and found herself in the living room, found Cassie, apologized to Ava and pulled her out of the house, making them walk a few blocks away to prevent Kate to find them as they waited for Cassie’s father to pick them up. Kate sighed out loud sadly when she exited the house and the girls were nowhere to be found, then returned to her teammate’s house, grabbed her things and left the party dejected.

-

"Y/N, you had been avoiding this conversation since Friday night. Can you tell me what the hell happened between you and Kate? We run so fast out of that house. I thought you were having a good time spending time with Kate."

"I’m sorry for pulling you away from the party but I had to get away."

"You had been saying this since Friday night. You didn’t make me kiss Ava goodbye. You owe me an explanation." Cassie countered back with an hard expression on her face as her eyebrows furrowed together and her lips curled in annoyance at Y/N’s elusive behavior, but her features instantly softened when she watched Y/N sigh out loudly.

"I’m sorry for ruining your night with Ava. Congratulations for finally asking her out by the way. I just-." Y/N got interrupted when Trevor bumped her shoulder hard with his own purposefully and made her slam her back on the lockers behind them while his friend Brad laughed his ass off.

"Look where you are going idiot." Trevor yelled at her before resuming his walk, but Y/N wasn’t having it that day, she was still mad at herself for running away from Kate and ignoring her texts and calls and having to deal with Trevor wasn’t in her plans that day, not like finding Kate and apologize to her and hopefully kissing her this time was.

"I wasn’t walking, you jerk. You should use that last brain cell that you have left to at least try to walk straight and not bump into things or people, but I know it may be a very difficult task." Y/N bit back with anger as she eyed Trevor with fury burning behind her Y/E/C eyes, noticing as a small crowd already formed around them and it made her roll her eyes at this childish behavior. Meanwhile Cassie stared at Y/N with wide eyes like she just went mad, but didn’t open her mouth, too much shocked to talk.

"What did you just call me?"

"Oh I’m sorry, you are too stupid to know that word? Do you want me to spell it?" The few people around them laughed at her joke and she did it too inwardly as Trevor looked at her dumbfounded, Cassie still starting at her in shock. She never went against Trevor that way, she just leaned her head down and walked away. But not that day.

"Okay, that’s it. I’m gonna fucking beat you up Y/L/N." He stated as he charged towards Y/N but she wasn’t scared at all, she deserved a good beating up for her shitty behavior with Kate Friday night.

"Oh, wow! You know how to put more than 3 words in a phrase. I’m impressed!" Y/N got slammed on the lockers as Trevor finally got to her and was now towering over her with his fist lifted up, ready to hit her face, when he got suddenly hit in his side and fell down on the floor.

"Don’t fucking touch her, Trevor." Y/N lifted her eyes from the boy on the floor when she heard a familiar voice and her heartbeat instantly increased.

"Bishop, stay out of this."

"I don’t think so. Hitting girls? Really Trevor?"

"Okay, since you so adamantly want to protect her, I’ll beat you up t-." But Trevor didn’t finish his sentence, he got stopped mid-way while he lifted his fist again to hit Kate this time by Kate grabbing his wrist, pushing his body forward and punched him right on his nose.

"I hope this will be enough to teach you to stay away Y/N and Cassie. You and those idiots you call friends."

"WHAT IS HAPPENING THERE?!" All the students started to clear their way as a teacher’s voice sounded throughout the other end of the hallway, but Y/N stood still as she watched Kate stare at Trevor, now laying again on the floor with blood running down his nose, with an angry - and completely hot, in Y/N’s opinion - look in her beautiful ocean blue irises and her face scrunched up in wrath.

"Kate- fuck! Let’s go or Coach Miller will kick us out of the team." Kelly pulled Kate towards her and rushed them away from Trevor, but Y/N couldn’t find herself the force to move as she stood frozen beside Trevor.

"Y/N/N let’s go!" Cassie screamed as she run away from the teacher approaching but it was too late. She was glad that Cassie got away before the teacher could reach them so she couldn’t get in trouble, but she felt anger at herself for not doing the same as soon as the teacher took herself and Trevor to the principal’s office.

-

"Hey, I had been looking for you for the entire day. Are you okay?" Kate tried to regain her normal breath after running around the entire school to find Y/N, finally finding her in Miss Locke’s office in the school gym as she cleaned her trophies during lunch break. She furrowed her eyebrows together when Y/N didn’t even move her eyes from the trophy she was cleaning and ignored her. "Y/N/N, what’s wrong?"

Kate watched as Y/N sighed out loudly and slammed a little bit forcefully on the shelf the trophy before turning to look at Kate with slightly puffy eyes and anger burning behind them, "what’s wrong?! I got fucking detention for two months! Yeah I told Trevor he was an idiot and a jerk but I never hit him and I got punished for it."

"It’s okay, I will go to the principal and I will tell h-."

"You don’t understand Kate! I’m not rich like you! I can’t afford going to a good college without a fucking scholarship. Do you know if any student ever got a scholarship after getting detention for hitting someone? I’ll answer for you, no! Do you know how much it costed me to be the teachers’ pet for 3 years and getting hated or laughed at from my classmates for it? Or how much it costed me to never miss school even when I was feeling shitty? Just to keep that fucking scholarship? It costed me a lot. It costed me everything, Kate. And now it’s all ruined. I doubt Harvard will accept me after this. So if you will excuse me, I need to clean all of this as a part of my detention. I probably will practice for a future job. Now, leave me alone. As soon as I am finished here I will tell Miss Peyton to ask for someone else to tutor you. We’re done."

Kate wanted to counter back and tell Y/N she will fix this but a small look into Y/N’s hurt eyes and she slammed her mouth shut. She screw up big time. She needed to fix this. Y/N and her were not done. She was going to be pretty fucking sure of that.

-

"I’ll call you later Cass. I need to go to the library to sort out and put away books for my detention."

"I can’t believe Kate tried to kiss you Friday night and then does this to you. Yeah okay, she saved you from that punch, but she got away while you got detention. It’s not fair." Cassie grunted in anger as she stopped at the school’s exit and turned around to look at Y/N angrily.

"It’s okay. It is what it is." Y/N shrugged and hugged Cassie hard, "now go have your date. I want to know everything when you get home." Y/N winked at Cassie, who blushed hard at her best friend’s words before she nodded gently, then walking towards Ava waiting outside, in the school’s parking lot. Ava waved at Y/N, who waved back before the two of them walked hand in hand towards the street and out of the school’s parking lot. Y/N turned around and sighed contentedly that the school was completely empty so she could finish her detention for the day without being disturbed from others.

"You should be home by now."

Y/N jumped up in fright when after 10 minutes of sorting books out, a familiar voice echoed around the room, very close to her.

"Kate shit! You scared me!" Y/N turned to her left and found Kate leaning with her arms crossed on a bookshelf not too far from her, who chuckled under her breath for Y/N jumping up adorably in fright.

"Sorry."

"What are you doing here? If I remember correctly, I told you to leave me alone this morning."

"Right, but I didn’t listen to you." Kate lifted herself off from the wooden bookshelf and walked towards Y/N, stopping very closer to her, hoping to grab her attention, but the girl didn’t look up at her as still sorted books out to put away on their shelves, "can you please stop?" Kate asked quietly as she grabbed the book Y/N had in her hands, this time succeeding on grabbing Y/N’s attention.

"No, I still need to sort all these books out and I want to be home around 6 p.m. to do my homework." Y/N snatched the book from Kate’s hand and put it on the table beside her on its stack she created before sighing out in frustration when Kate stopped her from grabbing another book by leaning her hand over hers. She chastised herself for feeling her stomach do somersaults at the touch for leaning into the touch for a few seconds but then she regained her resolution and pulled her hand away from under Kate’s one letting out another breath of frustration.

"You don’t have to do it."

"Yeah, I’m sure I will totally get away if I don’t do my detention duties." Y/N scoffed in a sarcastic tone before walking away from Kate to try to finish her work without Kate disturbing her, but the black haired girl stopped her by grabbing her arm and pulling her back in front of her.

"You don’t have to do it because you don’t have detention anymore. I do."

"What?"

"I tried to talk to the principal to tell him it was me that hit Trevor but he didn’t believe me. I honestly don’t know why since you never did something like that. So that made me think and I realized that that ass dragged you down with him, so I went searching for Trevor, took him to the principal with me and got him to confess everything. You don’t have detention anymore and since you didn’t anything wrong. This won’t compromise your scholarship to Harvard."

"I-I." Y/N was astounded to say the least as she wrapped her head around what Kate just did for her, staring at her dumbfounded as Kate stared at Y/N with a sweet smile, "wow. Thank you."

"Don’t mention it." Kate winked at her and looked down at her wringing hands, her nerves getting the best of her after everything that happened between them.

"Wait, you didn’t get kicked out of the team, did you?"

"I almost got kicked out for good but after I explained why I did what I did, Coach Miller understood, he is a romantic after all. One week out of the team. I will workout alone again in the meantime." Kate explained as she looked back up at Y/N and smiled at her sweetly, shrugging her shoulders like it was no big deal for her.

"What does it mean he is a romantic?" Y/N asked in a strained voice, not thinking clearly as she tried to understand everything what Kate was telling her, her heartbeat increasing wildly and the butterflies going crazy in her stomach. She can’t possibly mean what she is implying, right? Y/N asked herself as she watched Kate take a step forward towards her, her eyes wide and her body stiff.

"Because I couldn’t let Trevor hit the girl I like."

"Yea-wait, what?" Y/N asked when she realized what Kate actually said and turned her head around, pulling her eyes away from the books in front of her to stare into those intoxicating ocean blue eyes that held so much affection and tenderness that she almost felt overwhelmed by them. "Y-you l-like m-me?"

"Yeah Y/N/N. I thought trying to kiss you Friday night was pretty obvious. And I almost lost all my hopes when you run away."

"I’m sorry." Y/N looked down at her feet when she couldn’t look into Kate’s ocean blue eyes anymore, too much guilt and anger at herself rising in the pitch of her stomach to keep looking into Kate’s eyes without starting crying and apologizing to Kate over and over again and falling on her knees to ask her- to beg her to forgive her and her shitty behavior towards her.

"Don’t apologize Y/N/N. I admit I was a little bit sad and heartbroken when you run away, but then I thought about that moment over and over the entire weekend. I watched you lean over to me too and I’m pretty sure that if we hadn’t been interrupted by that drunk couple, we would’ve kissed. I’m sure of that."

"I- I was scared." Y/N admitted in a stutter, her eyes dancing between the books, her pointer finger skidding over a book cover and Kate’s eyes, still not finding enough courage to stare into them for longer than a few seconds, not after Kate’s admission that almost melted her onto the ground.

"Why were you scared Y/N/N?" Kate asked as she walked even more closer to Y/N by taking a step forward and closing some more the small gap between them, making Y/N’s body set aflame in anticipation as it buzzed from the close proximity with Kate’s body.

"I was scared that you weren’t really into me like I am into you. I like you a lot and since I’ve only had one small and really brief relationship, I’m not good at reading signs. Cassie assured me that you were trying to show me you liked me, like inviting me at your game and dedicating your goals to me. She even said something inappropriate that I will not repeat- actually I don’t even know why I told you that. It was better if you didn’t know what she said. Maybe I should stop talking, yeah-."

"Y/N/N." Kate chuckled cutely at Y/N’s adorable ramblings and placed her hands on her shoulders and shook her gently to try to ground her and help her get back to earth, to regain some needed breath from talking too fast. "Fuck, I would’ve loved to stop your cute ramblings with a kiss like you see in movies, but I want your consent on me kissing you first." Kate admitted as she chewed on her bottom lip softly, staring intently onto Y/N’s lips a few seconds before focusing her gaze back on Y/N’s Y/E/C irises and speaking up again, "we will discuss about Cassie’s inappropriate comment later, because now I definitely want to know. But- just clarify any misunderstanding, I like you. A lot. And I’ve been crushing on you for a week now. I pretty much started crushing on you when I bumped into you the first day about over two weeks ago. You are so amazingly perfect Y/N/N. How could I not like you? I admit at first I didn’t know if it was better asking you out right away or sending you a few signs that I liked you, but I was scared too, about maybe sounding too forward and scaring you off, so I decided to send you a few signs. I wasn’t exactly planning on kissing you that night but there was a magnetic pull, an electric force that pulled us closer and closer. And I know you felt that force too. Just like right now. I feel like we are two magnets that attract each other."

"I feel this magnetic pull too." Y/N admitted shyly as she smiled gently at Kate, who brushed a strand of hair that fell in front of her left eye behind her ear before settling the palm of her right hand on Y/N’s left cheek and started caressing her skin softly, making Y/N melt under her gesture and lean into her hand, "hm, this is nice."

"Yeah. But do you know what would be nicer?"

"W-what?" Y/N asked in an embarrassing stutter, chastising herself for being so awkward in this moment when Kate is clearly asking something both had been dreaming about a lot during this past week.

"Us kissing."

"Oh." Y/N let out in a whisper, her head spinning out of control but she tried to look cool on the outside. Is she going to make the first move? I hope so because I’m totally freaking out right now. Say something that will make her believe you want this too, you idiot! "Cool."

As Y/N slapped her forehead inwardly at her awkwardness, Kate chuckled cutely at her and took one last step forward, their bodies almost flushed as she brushed their noses sweetly together while her left hand joined the right one and settled on Y/N’s right cheek, now both caressing Y/N’s face softly. "Can I kiss you?"

Y/N simply nodded at Kate’s question, not trusting herself on forming coherent words, not with the black haired girl standing so close to her, so with a small chuckle Kate leaned closer and closed the very small gap between them to join their lips together in a slow, delicate and sweet kiss. Their lips danced together in a beautiful dance, savoring the other’s taste and getting immediately addicted to it, their stomaches flipping over themselves as goosebumps formed on their skin at the meaningful and earth-shattering kiss and their bodies burning from all the passion the stacked inside this past week. "Wow."

"I couldn’t have said it better." Kate admitted with a sweet, but brighter-than-the-sun smile, as she caressed their noses together some more while breathing Y/N’s jasmine and lavender perfume in for a few moments before laying a soft peck on her plump and soft lips, whose were quickly becoming addicting to Kate.

"It wasn’t bad, was it? It has been a while since I kissed someone." Y/N admitted with insecurity clear in her eyes, but Kate didn’t answer her, she just kept staring at her with a dumb grin on her kiss-swollen lips, "it was probably bad. You don’t need to lie to me saying it was good, don-."

Kate shut Y/N up with a languid kiss, keeping it chaste but hard enough to make their heads spin out of control, pushing more and more into Y/N’s mouth as need to be as close as possible to Y/N invaded her body, "I didn’t know how to shut you up and make you believe you are a good kisser, so I kissed you again."

"O-okay." Y/N smiled shyly at the black haired girl and closed her eyes when Kate leaned over and pecked her lips once again, "and for the record, you are an amazing kisser."

"Thank you." Kate replied with a wide grin and skidded her hands down Y/N’s body gently, before settling on her waist and sneaking her arms on her back to hugged her closer, causing their noses to brush together as their lips hovered over teasingly, while Y/N’s arms linked behind her neck, "can I kiss you again?"

Y/N smiled at Kate’s charming side and bit down on her bottom lip in thought, deciding to tease Kate a little bit now that she gained some of her brain functions back, "don’t you have detention today? You shouldn’t waste too much time, I head that detention duties are tough."

Kate chuckled at Y/N’s joke, liking Y/N’s funny and witty teasing side, "you’re right. I shouldn’t waste too much time. But one more kiss one hurt."

"I guess it will give you the motivation to finish as soon as you can, so maybe we can kiss again." Y/N murmured on Kate’s lips, humming right after finishing speaking as she felt Kate’s soft lips pushing more on her own and then did the first move and pecked her lips sweetly, pulling away a few seconds later with a loud, playful smack.

"Hm, I guess one more it will help." Kate hummed and leaned their lips back together, hugging Y/N impossibly closer as she flushed their bodies together, and setting them aflame with a powerful kiss that made them both dizzy and reduced them into a puddle of mushy feelings into the other’s hands.

"Did it help?" Y/N murmured on Kate’s plump, kiss-swollen, red lips and felt the butterflies in her stomach going crazy when Kate hugged her and nuzzled her nose in her neck, breathing her perfume in.

"A lot. But I don’t want you to go."

"Well, I don’t need to." Y/N was trying to calm her butterflies down but after Kate’s admission and Kate still hugging her it was almost impossible to tame them.

"So, are you staying?"

"Yes, I can help you so you will be done sooner."

"Great! I just need to ask you something before we start."

"Shoot. I’m all ears." Y/N replied to Kate’s words with a big grin adorning her features, her cheeks still a bit red from their kisses and the blue eyed girl’s close proximity and her mind still swirling in a daze as it tried to wrap itself over everything that happened in this short amount of time.

"After finishing my detention, do you want to go on a date with me?"

"I-I- m-me?" Y/N stammered her words as her stupid mind couldn’t find a reason behind Kate asking her out, not really believing yet Kate truly liked her back, not even after them sharing a few kisses.

"Yes, Y/N/N. You." Kate smiled sweetly at her as she caressed her back gently, "I want to take you out on a date. I want to do things properly."

Y/N blushed furiously as she smiled widely at the black haired beauty, "yes." This put a big grin on Kate’s lips as they both leaned over to kiss softly once again, before starting back up on organizing books for detention as soon as they could so that as soon as they finish, they will get out of the school to start on their date.

[scarybabe]

After 300, what’s your next goal?

no more goals 🥳🥳🥳

I’m a very goal oriented person so it made the most sense at the time to make big goals for my weight gain, but after having weight gain/loss goals díctate my whole life for literally over 7 years, I can’t wait to just exist without weighing myself and hoping for a certain number.

First time I gained weight, by the time I hit 185 I was SO burnt out (it took a lot of effort and I did not have a feeder) I went straight to weight loss, and even though my goals started pretty modest they spiraled out and became a source of constant strife for me. even though I was able to maintain a low weight for ~3 years, it was never enough.

Truthfully I DO feel “enough” at my current size. If I could snap my fingers and gain 50-100 lbs I would in a heartbeat but I’m exhausted of weighing myself, being frustrated at my body for resisting change, and punishing myself for not being able to make my body bend to my will. In that aspect, goal-oriented weight gain occupies a similar mental space as when I struggled with a restrictive ED despite being totally happy with my current body shape and size.

I’m SO close to 300 lbs and I love my body, I’m happy with my appearance but I want to improve my physical strength and focus on my happiness/sustainability of this lifestyle versus pushing myself (often to the point of feeling physically sick) to see a number on the scale that is honestly arbitrary because at my weight, big fluctuations are normal (hello 💩??).

7 YEARS IS A LONG TIME to constantly be trying to change my size/shape and not be able to just exist without affirming myself on a scale. Can’t wait to just be chill and happy with my body the way it is for the first time in what feels like forever and continue to enjoy my kink. I can’t help but envy other popular feedees who don’t have weight gain goals and are just along for the ride - while I don’t have any regrets I feel like if I had gone that route I would be way happier and less stressed.

[gamergirl-niffler]

Very very urgent emergency request! Just stumbled upon your blog after that fluffy Howl fic of yours; couldn't resist sticking around for more of your fantastic headcanons.

I recently experienced something truly awful a few days ago.. While enjoying a party with my friends, the atmosphere suddenly shifted, and I began feeling unwell. Since then, there's been a blank space in my memory. The following day, upon waking up in our shared apartment, I discovered that I must have experienced a sex*** abuse. I'm currently terrified, in pain, and enduring ongoing bleeding from my private area. Trust has become a challenge, and I'm overwhelmed, wishing I could just disappear. Unsure of what steps to take, I find myself reaching out for comfort of any, any kind.. May I humbly request comfort from Dabi, Bakugo, Enji, Todoroki, and Kaminari, along with their girlfriends, who have navigated similar challenges?

If this plea is too much, please feel free to disregard it. I deeply appreciate your writings, as they bring immense comfort to many.

Oh, my dear Anon...

I am so sorry to hear that something like this happened to you. I can only imagine what you feel right now.

Please, if you feel like you need to talk to someone, feel free to drop into my messages and let's chat a little!

I hope those headcanon will bring you at least a little bit of comfort.

Mha men & sexually abused s/o

Dabi

- Dabi is burning with anger. Of course he isn't mad at you, he is mad at the person who even dared to violate you this way.

- He should stay with you but he leaves. Of course he couldn't stay. Touya doesn't leave you because of the disgust or hate. No. He is going for a hunt! It doesn't matter if it's one or a few people... All police could find were few bodies burned beyond recognition.

- Touya returns to your shared apartment, sheds his coat and is all yours from now on. He doesn't speak a word about what happened unless you feel the need to talk about it. He won't press but will listen when you need to throw it all out. 

- He knows some doctors that aren't sketchy but at the same time they won't call the police or anything like this. 

- Even if you are scared, Touya pushes you to get checked. He of course stays with you to provide comfort and show you that you are safe with him. Touya knows you are suffering mentally but he doesn't want the physical suffering to continue if there is a way to stop/heal it.

- Back at home Touya stays near you. He wishes he could be glued to you but he understands you need some space.

- When you tell him you need any kind of closeness - he is there immediately, wrapping you in his embrace, holding you as close as possible.

- It takes you a bit of a time to open up to him. You tell him everything; and he listens to it without a word. 

When you start to cry he just squeezes you harder until you calm down. Once this happens, Touya starts to tell you, "I'm sorry, doll. I am sorry I wasn't there to protect you but from now on... I will always be near. No one will ever hurt you again. I love you and I'll make sure to help you however I can."

- And he really does it. Since that unfortunate day, Touya does everything to make you feel safe and to help you heal; both mentally and physically. 

He doesn't push your boundaries but helps you carefully move them as you heal and again open yourself up to him.

Touya never healed himself from his past so seeing you getting better even after such a scary situation makes this villain smile.

Bakugo 

- He is pissed but he won't show it openly. You went through enough stress already and his anger wouldn't help someone in your position so he stops himself from yelling.

- Bakugo doesn't immediately push you to talk. He is more concerned about your health so his first step is to convince you to visit a proper specialist. He doesn't want you to be in pain or to suffer.

When you finally agree to visit the doctor, you are going there with your blond guard dog because Katsuki isn't leaving your side. He will even fight the doctor if it means staying by your side through the visit.

- Back at home, Bakugo is completely different than normal. He is calm and quiet around you. 

- If he decides to give you a kiss, hug or simply get close to you he'll ask for your permission beforehand. Just to be sure you are comfortable with him and his touch.

- If you are on any medications he makes sure you take them, it's for your own good afterall. 

- Katsuki makes sure to provide comfort in every way possible. He cooks or orders your favorite comfort food so the two of you can enjoy some tasty food together. 

- When you feel comfortable enough to open up about what happened, Katsuki just pulls you into a tight hug. "It's okay now. You're safe and I'll make sure to get the bastard that hurt you. I'll make him pay."

- And he really does. Whenever you are asleep or busy with something, Bakugo is on his phone or computer, working his ass off to find the person that did it. He is going to make sure whoever did this will pay the appropriate price for hurting you.

- Whenever you need it, he is ready to hold you close while gently caressing your hair and back. He will talk even about the most silly thing just to see you smile just a little bit. Staying quiet is also something he is ready to do, spending time in silence isn't a problem for him.

Enji

- Enji isn't home very often so it's easy for you to hide it all and just choke yourself with this traumatizing experience.

- When he is actually back, he quickly notices the changes in your behavior. You were like a candle light; warm and happy and now? You resembled an extinguished candle... Cold and sad looking.

- It annoys him because he is really trying for you but suddenly you are all distanced for no reason! Not only in everyday life but also in bed.

- Enji finally confronts you, demanding answers from you! He is your lover, so how dare you ignore him?! Of course he is not gentle about it.

- As you reach your breaking point and admit to what happened at the party you went to, he is shocked that something like this happened to you. 

- He is not a master of comfort so at the beginning he isn't sure what to do but in the end Enji pulls you into a tight hug. "Forgive me for being so harsh on you. I'll do better."

- This is a promise he actually keeps up with! Enji is trying his best to understand your needs and boundaries now.

- He pays more attention to you, building up the trust again to show you that you can still trust him and nothing has changed between the two of you.

- Enji loves to hold you close and just comfort you when you feel bad. He enjoys cuddling your smaller frame, making sure that you feel protected.

- If you think he will leave it just like that and do nothing about it you are really wrong. He is a Number One hero and whoever dares to hurt you, now has to deal with him. Enji uses all of his contacts and influence to find that bastard. 

- He makes sure you are feeling safe and loved again.

Shoto

- Poor guy is deeply confused when one day you go completely quiet. He is worried if you made it home after the party.

-  After receiving no information from you, Shoto goes to your place to check on you. Just to be sure you are okay.

- The state he found you in was heartbreaking. His beautiful girlfriend, his little ray of sunshine suddenly being in distress and bad mental shape.

- He approaches you carefully, asking questions to find out what happened.

- When you reveal what happened the night before, he is shocked. How could someone even do this to another person?

- Of course Shoto doesn't judge you. It was beyond your control and he understands but he slowly talks you into going to the right authorities.

- Shoto goes with you everywhere to make you feel good and safe. He won't allow anyone to get too close to you.

- Back at home he is mostly quiet, letting you decide if you feel like talking or doing anything together.

- When you tell him yes, Shoto is all over you. He wants you close to show you all the love he has for you. 

- His favorite thing to do is to simply hold your hand. It gives him this feeling of intimacy and shows him you still trust him.

- Shoto's second favorite thing is holding you right before falling asleep. You look so cute and despite what happened, he is happy you are with him. "My love. I am so lucky to have you and I promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

- Like every hero he won't let it slide. Shoto will make sure that whoever did this pays for your pain.

Kaminari

- When he finds out, he is terrified and blames himself for this. He had to go with you but a sudden shift in schedulge made him go to work while you went to the party.

- He really doesn't know what to do BUT he quickly gathers himself. You need him and he is there to serve. 

- Just like others he accompanies you at the doctor and during the talk with authorities.

- Back at home Denki is really careful around you. Always asking if you need anything, making sure you are okay with stuff he does. He never leaves you alone unless you request him to do so.

- He buys your favorite snack and even tries to bake something you like. Even if he isn't the best at it, he'll try his best for you!

- You feel like watching some silly movie or show? He is there with you! 

- Or maybe you feel like just laying down and listening to some music? This dude made a playlist from all your favorite songs!

- Denki is ready to do everything to make you comfortable. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world and he is going to work hard for it to appear again upon your pretty lips.

- Even if he blames himself for your harm, he'll never tell you about this but instead he will do EVERYTHING he can to make you feel good again. "We'll make it work, yeah? I won't leave your side and we are going to work through it together." He always assures you with a big bright smile.

- Whoever dared to put hands on you can't sleep peacefully. Kaminari, with the help of his friends, will hunt this bastard down and bring him to justice.

[adore-laur]

THE FIRST DAY HOME

— an addition to milestones (part of the dadrry universe) 🌅

——

A revitalizing gust of autumn air graced Harry's lungs when he nudged his hip against the handicap button near the hospital door. His hands were too occupied to manually push it open himself since one acted as a crutch of balance for you, and the other gripped the car seat that held his two-day-old daughter.

During the journey out, finally leaving behind drab hallways and stuffy rides in the elevator, Harry refilled his disposable coffee cup and drowsily glanced between the Keurig and his sleeping baby girl. He noticed she was no bigger than the burbling machine in front of him. Just shy of eighteen inches tall, she could have practically been mistaken for a doll with her pouted pink lips and silken eyelashes that melted the hearts of everyone who passed by. The nurses Harry had made friends with over the past couple of days fawned over her, and it had taken a good ten minutes to leave the waiting room because of all the attention.

She belonged at home, though, which is why he politely excused himself and ushered you and his baby out of the hospital like he was relocating valuable artwork. On second thought, the analogy didn't sound too far from reality.

Scanning the congested parking lot, Harry tried to remember where he parked the damn car; those three cups of black coffee he had downed in the last hour weren't working in his favor. He shivered and tucked you closer into his warmth. It was November, so a chill hung in the crisp morning air and required sweatshirts. His daughter had a crocheted blanket from the nursery resting over her body and a pink beanie snug on her head. The temperature change didn't seem to bother her, nor did the movement when he eventually steered the two of you in the direction of the car.

He unlocked the doors while mentally reviewing the safety procedures for securing a fragile baby into a big, scary vehicle. So many things could go wrong, but he brushed aside those troubling thoughts and carefully installed the car seat to face the rear.

"You got everything?" you asked faintly, lingering behind him like a gentle spirit guide.

Harry turned his head and took in your physical state of weariness. "Yeah, love. Did you want to do it? Sorry, I got ahead of myself." Your detached gaze looked right through him as you shook your head.

"No, I'm too tired and sore," you whispered, sniffling a little. He sincerely hoped it was from the weather and not from forthcoming emotions.

Lovingly cradling your head, he said, "I hear you, honey. How about you go sit down and rest for a bit? I'm in dad mode right now. You need to be in sleep mode."

You slumped your forehead against his chest, an adorable way of nonverbally saying thank you, then retreated to the other side of the car to get in the back. Harry reached over to buckle your seatbelt before continuing his task.

After pushing his unwashed hair out of his eyes, he clicked the car seat into position and tightened the straps securing his daughter just to be safe. Her blanket was tucked behind her neck, and he inhaled the skin there, her addictive baby smell easing his cluttered mind almost instantly. With a featherlight kiss to her cheek, he softly shut the door and slid into the driver's seat with aching joints and a foreign feeling coursing through his veins. He adjusted the rear-view mirror to better see both of you and grinned when he saw you dozing off already. He couldn't help himself when he reached back to loosely grab your fingers and plant a kiss on your wedding ring.

"What's wrong?" you slurred, weakly squeezing his thumb. The way you stared at him, so very tired yet so very beautiful, reminded him of memories gone by.

"Nothing," Harry said with a choked laugh. Why was he tearing up? When had that happened? "You… you're a mom. We're parents. It hit me just now."

He always knew you were never meant to be a stranger in his life.

"Well, Mom needs Dad to start driving so I can sleep in my own bed again—and on my stomach." You smiled lazily. "Oh, I can't wait for that."

With that, he reversed out of the parking space and headed home. It was a tranquil drive along the coast, soft breathing and sips of coffee being the only sounds until he eventually pulled into the driveway, the slowest he'd ever done.

The next few minutes were a blur. Harry unpacked the trunk stuffed with supply bags he had brought to the hospital, which were full of necessary and unnecessary items. Once inside the comfort of the house, he watched you immediately sprawl out onto the couch and drown in the comforter that had been left there from your five-in-the-morning contractions.

Harry filled a glass of ice water for you and set it on the coffee table before kneeling, his knees cracking due to minimum use in the last forty-eight hours. "I'm going to show her around the house," he murmured, playing with your hair.

"You sound like a real estate agent."

He hummed a dry laugh. "Am I delirious, or has motherhood made your jokes worse?"

You kicked your foot out to hit him; however, you accidentally nailed him right in his groin region. Harry grunted and pinched his eyes shut, suffering through the momentary pain. Your gasp quickly turned into a giggle, and he tickled your neck as revenge.

"I'd like to have more kids with you, thanks," he said, standing with a groan and subtly adjusting himself. "Call me if you need anything, yeah? And drink some water, please."

He stepped away and lifted his daughter from the car seat, his heart expanding at the way her body remained scrunched. He then wrapped her blanket around himself, the material stretching enough to cover her.

He should show her the nursery first, where he would spend a lot of bonding time in the upcoming weeks, or even the kitchen, where she'd be his enthralled audience member as he cooked meals. Instead, he slid off his shoes and opened the patio door before slowly trekking down the wooden stairs leading to the house's private beach area. The California sunrise was a boundless blend of blues and oranges, and the water along the horizon sparkled.

"What do you think?" he asked the sleeping bundle in his arms. With bare feet, he found a place on the sand where the waves barely reached his toes. The sound of them crashing on the shore solidified the feeling of home in his chest. "Pretty breathtaking, huh?"

He would never get sick of the view since it was the backdrop of his most treasured moments with you. Drinking coffee together and watching the sunrise as birds chirped their morning songs. Spending golden hour evenings kissing in the ocean while lust flourished like a summer zinnia. Moonlit nights sitting by a campfire, prattling on about the future while tipsy on wine.

Everything circled back to you, like he was in a whirlpool of your sheer, shimmering existence.

"Your mom," Harry mused, "she's amazing, isn't she? Sometimes, I wonder how she does it. How she makes everything look so effortless." He bent his knees and laid his daughter on his thighs, as if speaking to her directly would ingrain the sentiment into her head. "I want you to know she will give you the world, okay? She's going to make you feel so loved, and I'll do my absolute best to match her affection, but know that you won't meet anyone who loves more selflessly than her."

The breeze agreed as it picked up and swirled around him. Glancing down, he studied the creation in his arms. Her features were the perfect fusion of him and you, with the shape of her eyes matching yours and the shape of her lips matching his.

"I hope you look more like her than me when you get older," he said, drawing shapes in the sand with his fingers. "But the selfish side of me hopes you have my smile. Don't tell her that, though. Let's wait until she sees it, because then she'll never be able to say no to you. I figured out that secret ages ago."

He couldn't wait until her personality started to shine through. Would she try to get her way by being clingy like he does? Or would she give him puppy-dog eyes like you do? If it was a mixture of both, he would have a troublemaker on his hands.

"Anyway," Harry said with an exhale, "I brought you out here because this beach is where we'll spend lots of time together. Dad has special memories here. My favorite is when I proposed to your mother. After she said yes, we ran into the ocean without knowing where life would take us." His eyes became glossy, a film of tears threatening to escape his waterline. "I'm so glad it brought us you. I'm so, so glad."

As morning eased its way into full effect, he looked back at the house where years of love resided. Why not add some more?

——

[undershyperfixate]

VERY LONG RANT ABOUT AIDEN.

I apologize for any mistakes, my french ass type fast without paying attention to my grammar because I'm not a native speaker ( writer in that case)

Okay guys I need to know, did I interpret Aiden wrong in this scene?

So I've been reading a LOT of sbg fanfics, (because it's my hyperfixation and it's actually incredibly hard for me to detach or distance myself from it ( my fellow autistic people, y'all get what I mean) )

And I've noticed that in a lot of fics, they make Aiden a bit more clueless(?) like in some fics, he's written as if he actually thought Ashlyn was shy, or that he didn't understand that she didn't like social interaction

But from what I've read in the webtoon, he seems to know? Since the start

Like he always knew she was like that, he just pushed her limits because he wanted to know more about her

After Ashlyn says that, Aiden has this physical response :

This snarky smile guys, he understood that she just didn't want to talk, but knowing that; he purposefully acted as if he just thought she was shy, to trigger a response from her and be able to continue the convo without her being able to counter argue, after all Ashlyn try to keep being polite in refusing to interact with him.

The "you're just shy right?" Sounds sarcastic, and the voice actor in the dub ver encapsulated this exact tone from what I remember.

When he laughs because she runs away, he's not frustrated or shocked, he knew she wanted to leave and thought it was funny how fast she was able to escape the situation

In the canva, he acts like this because he's portrayed as a psychopathic character

But in the webtoon, he's definitely not written like this, BUT and I don't see enough people talk about this, he definitely has some psychotic reactions, his rush for adrenaline feels more than fueled by masked depression( not sure if it's 100% depression, he could have had another disorder in the flashback given), it feels manic, it feels psychotic. And by psychotic I don't mean psychopathic, I mean by the def of psychosis "a severe mental condition in which thoughts and emotions are so affected that contact is lost with external reality." He's not completely psychotic and I don't think Red wrote him with the exact disorder, but I do think he has some symptoms. Multiple of his actions, reactions and behavior feels very out of touch, as if reality didn't exist the same way in his mind, OR I'm confusing that with a cluster B disorder, it feels so familiar as someone with one. But it might just be me projecting or analyzing too hard.

But also, he's still very in touch with reality based on his relationship with the main 6, especially when his actions have consequences on the things he cherishes. it definitely reminds me of the entire thread @stillfrownyclownlol made about him being obsessive with Ashlyn and how it was shown through his way of behaving, fixating ect. Anyway I love ranting and I loved the aiden obsessive rant so It made me realize I had a lot to say about him too.

Sorry again for ranting so much 💕 ( and I hope I tagged the right person because it would be embarrassing if I didn't remember who wrote the Aiden obsessive rant and just tagged someone else).

[thedroneranger]

The Last Unicorn

Natasha "Phoenix" Trace, Javy "Coyote" Machado

Synopsis: Getting caught between Natasha and Javy leads to a unique experience.

Note: A horribly late entry for @sushiwriterhere's Top Gun Threesomeissance 2023 event—thank you for inviting me to participate! I have a bad bout of writer's block, but forced myself to push through and write this. Took longer than expected, but I wanted to finish it. It's also my first threesome, so I welcome feedback but be kind!

Warnings: 18+ only, smut, ffm, threesome.

Word count: 5.3k

Javy hated when Natasha flirted with other people. Every phone number, every touch pissed him off. 

“Hold that glass any tighter, and you’re gonna be wearing your beer.” Jake said as he sat down next to Javy and tracked his best friend’s gaze to Natasha. 

She was on the other side of the bar, hand wrapped around a beer pint while a fresh-off-the-carrier ensign made her laugh. Jake never could figure out Javy’s infatuation with Natasha, and he also couldn’t figure out Javy’s refusal to admit he had feelings for her. 

Jake had lost count of the number of times Javy had drunkenly told him he and Natasha were purely physical. Every time Jake just nodded his head and drank his beer. Mentally, he would run through the rolodex of moments that said otherwise. 

But now Javy and Natasha were in some sort of argument, and not speaking to each other. Not unusual. They would kiss and make up eventually.

Both Jake and Javy were deep in separate thoughts when you approached. “Are you ready for another round?” You asked with a smile. The two men nodded as you walked away to get them fresh beers. 

You’d been working at The Hard Deck long enough to recognize Jake and Javy. You knew they were friends with the bar owner, Penny. You also knew Jake could go home with anyone in this bar. Javy, too. While Jake usually took advantage, Javy always left with the same brunette. 

Jake and Javy also recognized you. They made half-hearted passes at you only when Penny wasn’t around, and then made sure to make up for it in tips. 

You were convinced Penny had threatened them about fraternizing with her staff. It made you chuckle to think that Penny would shake down her customers before her own staff. It also sounded very much like Penny. 

Natasha, the brunette Javy usually went home with, either was exempt or just didn’t care. She shamelessly flirted with the bartenders. 

You found her attention flattering. 

Any man with functioning eyes thought you were attractive. Of course, this meant you put up with a gamut of flirting, catcalls and comments. It was the most exhausting part of your shifts.

However, Natasha’s flirting felt less burdensome. Probably because she was a woman and knew more about how you ticked. Or maybe Natasha wasn’t even flirting with you? How did you know?! Were you being presumptuous? Confusing friendliness for more? After all, other women didn’t flirt with you. Or maybe they did? Maybe they did but were more subtle, and you just didn’t have a clue? You were used to subtle-as-a-neon-sign men.

Sometimes you caught yourself daydreaming. Are women better kissers? Are women truly better lovers? You had had your fair share of subpar romps with men. Are women actually better at li—

Shoot! Javy’s beer overflowed. Focus! You needed to focus. You wiped your hand, snagged a clean glass and poured another beer. Smile back on, you took the fresh pints to Jake and Javy. They thanked you, and you turned to find the next patron in need.

Natasha was staring straight at you. You bit your lip, clenched your fist and headed in her direction. “Hey!” She greeted you while leaning across the bar top. 

“Hey!” You echoed, also leaning across the counter so you could hear better.

Jake and Javy watched your exchange. “Goddammit, she gets off on breaking the rules.” Javy grunted. 

Jake sniggered as he took a sip of his beer. “I think she’s genuinely into her. She doesn’t hit on any of the other bartenders.” They continued to watch you and Natasha while sipping their beers. You laughed at something Natasha said, and she gently touched your arm. Then you took her empty glass to replenish her drink. 

An idea struck Javy. He gulped his beer and pushed the empty glass toward your side of the counter. Always attentive, you noticed and noted to visit him after giving Natasha her pint.

Natasha kept her eye on you as you floated over to Jake and Javy. Both men were so focused on you, they didn’t even notice Natasha glaring at them. She watched as Javy said something that made you laugh. 

Then, of course, Jake chimed in. Heaven forbid he not be in the center of attention. She scoffed as she sat her beer on the counter.

Javy was flirting with you, and Jake was wingmanning for him! Natasha couldn’t believe her eyes. Penny was nowhere to be found when Natasha needed her the most. It was calculated. Normally, Natasha was the flirt. She sought out people to piss off Javy. 

“What are you up to?” Natasha said under her breath. She practically chugged her beer and flagged you down for another. 

All night, you volleyed between Javy and Natasha, refilling their drinks and politely engaging with them. You were completely oblivious to the silent war raging between the pair. 

As the night went on, the bar grew busier and Javy and Natasha couldn’t have all your attention. While you were serving some other patrons, Jake sidled up to Natasha and leaned on the bar beside her. 

“Bagman.” She spat without looking at him, sticking her face in her pint. 

“Bird brain.” He turned and waited for her to react. 

She glared at him as she set her drink down. “What’s Javy think he’s doing?”

“Getting under your skin, and I’d say it’s working.” His gaze went from Natasha to you. You were busy pouring a line of shots. “Just remember she’s not a piece of meat.”

Natasha was stunned. “There’s rich coming from you!” She told Jake. 

Jake gave her his million-dollar smile and leaned in. “Leave the usin’ and abusin’ to me.” He grabbed his beer, ready to return to his perch on the other side of the bar. “Stop playing with Javy, too.”

“Why don’t you impart that wisdom on your best friend? It takes two!” Natasha shouted as Jake disappeared into the crowd.

By the time Jake settled into his seat beside Javy, Natasha was chatting you up. He knew exactly what you two were chatting about. Based on your body language you hadn’t committed yet. 

Both forearms on the counter Natasha leaned toward you. You mirrored her stance so she could speak closer to your ear in the loud bar. 

“What time do you get off work?” she asked. 

“Bar closes at two, but since I have seniority I can leave first if the crowd dies down,” you explained.

“How about a nightcap at my place?” Natasha followed up.

You were taken aback. You weren’t ready for this moment. “I’ve never been with a woman,” you blurted.

“Same rules apply.” Natasha playfully winked. “No pressure. However, I’d love to have a drink with you, at the very least,” she said in earnest. “And I’d be happy to be your first.” Natasha paused. “Whenever you’re ready.” You both smiled. 

“I’ll keep you posted.” You confirmed before parting to serve another patron. 

Javy and Jake watched the exchange from their seats. “Looks like you won’t be in her bed tonight.” Jake referred to you.

Without skipping a beat, Javy said, “Nah, all three of us will be in Nat’s bed, instead.”

Jake nearly spit out his beer. He had never heard his best friend be so bold. They looked at each other. “You’re serious aren’t you?” 

“As a heart attack.” Javy confirmed. The jukebox queue mellowed and the crowd thinned as Jake probed Javy about his plan. Once he was informed, Jake disappeared to take his pick of the Hard Deck smorgasbord and go home. 

Meanwhile, Javy continued to watch you as you ended your shift and accompanied Natasha to the parking lot. He figured he had time for one more beer before joining you.

Until then, Natasha was focused solely on you. The drive to her place was short, but the playful roast over your music choices helped you unwind.

Once parked, Natasha led you by the hand into her apartment. She kept up the banter as she let you choose the wine. Everything felt easy as you nestled together on the couch. 

Warm from the wine, you pliantly slipped onto Natasha’s lap. Her hands ran from your knees to your thighs and then rested on your hips as your hands explored her arms and neck.

Finally, you leaned in and pressed your lips to hers. Your hips rolled forward a little, which enticed Natasha to bring her thumbs to the creases of your thighs. Your lips fit perfectly against hers, and you smiled into the kiss when she did. 

Your tongue swiped along her bottom lip, and she gladly premised you to deepen the kiss. Natasha met you by curling her fingers to your hair at the base of your skull. 

The tension had you moaning into her mouth. You broke the kiss to allow her to press wet kisses down your neck. Eyes shut, you bit your lip as she continued to pepper you with affection. 

Preoccupied, you barely noticed as her hands slipped under your shirt and massaged you through your bra. It wasn’t until her fingers dipped past the lined lace and pinched your nipples you acknowledged her. She smirked and repeated her motions to pull more noises from you.

You were a moaning mess, leaning into her touch and rocking your pelvis against hers. Natasha encouraged you with every touch of her lips and caress of her fingers.

Natasha managed to get you out of your shirt and had your jeans unbuttoned, when a sharp knock on the door nearly sent you rocketing through the roof. She tried to keep you going but you were distracted.

As you and Natasha attempted to untangle yourselves so she could answer the door, the knocking grew more rapid. You shooed her away with one final kiss. She kept a smile on her face until she turned to face the door. 

Fortunately, you weren’t within sight or earshot. Before answering, Nataha took a deep breath and put on her signature smirk. 

“What do you want, Machado?” She leaned on the doorframe as Javy stared at her. He looked casual with his hands in his pockets and the top few undone buttons of his shirt exposing his chest. 

“Are you looking for a third?” He asked coolly. 

Natasha had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud as she stood straight up. “You can’t be serious?”

He shrugged. “Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” He stood square to Natasha. “I know you’re game.” Javy reached out and dipped two fingers into Natasha’s front pocket, pulling her toward him. 

She stared at him as she took a step closer. “Why were we mad at each other?” she inquired. Her gaze dipped from his eyes to his lips momentarily. 

Javy shrugged again. “Can’t say I recall.” He was slowly closing the gap between them.  

“Me either,” Natasha said. She could feel Javy’s hot breath in her face.  “Apologize, and I’ll let you in.”

He smirked. “Apologize for what? I thought we forgot what we were fighting about?” He stopped moving, awaiting a response. 

“I’m convinced you were at fault.” She closed the gap, pushing her lips against his. Natasha cradled Javy’s face as his arms wrapped around her waist. 

After a few seconds she pulled away. “It’s her first time with a woman. I don’t want you to ruin it.” She gave him a dangerous look. 

Javy couldn’t help but smile. Natasha’s concern for others was one of the endearing things about her. “It might be helpful to have some familiar energy in the mix.”

“Everything is her choice,” Natasha told him. 

“Absolutely.” Javy agreed. 

“Even you joining.”

“Even me joining.” He agreed. 

Unsure of what was taking so long, you’d put your shirt on and buttoned your pants. The wine was too enticing to pass up, so you poured yourself another glass and paged through an old aviation magazine Natasha had laying on the coffee table. 

Finally, she reappeared with Javy. “Hi!” You hoped you managed to somewhat mask the surprise in your voice. 

“Hey,” Javy replied casually with a bright smile.

“Wine?” You offered as though it were your home. Javy looked at Natasha who gave a slight nod. The three of you sat down, drank wine and bantered. You were tucked between the pair on the couch. Javy’s arm laid along the sofa behind your head, while Natsha’s hand rested on your thigh.

When your glass was empty, you stood up. “What are you doing?” Natasha asked. 

“I was thinking I should get going. I don’t want to impose on your evening.”

Natasha passively waved her hand. “If anything, Javy imposed.” She threw him a look. He nervously scratched the back of his head and flashed a cheeky smile in your direction. 

“I’d love for you to stay and finish what we started,” Natasha said. “I’d love for both of you to stay, if you’re comfortable with that.” 

Your gaze floated to Javy. “It’s your choice,” he said. “I don’t want to impose but I’d love to stay. Participate, even. If you’ll have me.”

“He’s very enthusiastic.” Natasha added as she glanced at him and pat his knee. He grinned. 

In your wildest dreams you’d never imagined you’d be propositioned for a threesome. Let alone by a couple. Actually, were they a couple? Before your thoughts could swirl too much, Natasha slid her fingers into your hand and pulled you back onto the couch between them. 

She looked at you as she let her knuckles skim up your arms. “What do you say?” 

You were looking at her lips. “Do you do this often?” Your gaze came back to meet hers. 

She shook head. “This would be the first time.” Her knuckle traced your jaw. “Javy and I only sleep with each other.” Natasha was looking at your lips, leaning closer.

“I haven’t been with anyone recently and am on birth control,” you replied.

Your tongue darted across your lower lip and Natasha’s pulled into a sweet smile. “Perfect.” Your lips finally met.

Her hand found the back of your head and guided you as she deepened the kiss. Soon you were kneeling on the couch cushions with your knees slotted. Natasha rocked herself against your kneecap for some friction, and you mirrored her actions. 

A small moan escaped your lips as you caught her knee just right. “Holy, shit,” Natasha mumbled as you continued to make out. She pulled you further up her thigh, so you were closer. Your chests touching and her hand wrapped around your hips. Your hands were loosely splayed over her shoulders. 

“Let me take you to bed.” She huffed as she pulled away. Her pupils were dilated with desire. You felt so powerful as you stared at her. Her chest heaved, waiting for your reply. 

A groan had her looking past you. You turned to find Javy at the other end of the couch. He had given in and was palming his hard-on. “Do you want some help with that?” you asked. Both he and Natasha looked at you. 

Natasha combed her fingers through your hair. “Only if you want to,” she said softly. You looked between her and Javy. He continued to massage his bulge. Silently, you slid from Natasha’s lap, and slipped onto the floor in front of Javy. 

While you moved his hand and began to unfasten his pants, he scooted to the edge of the sofa. Together, you slipped his jeans down his legs and tossed them aside. Your palms ran up his thighs as you leaned forward into his lap. 

A smile graced your lips as you thought about how Javy’s face wasn’t the only pretty thing about him. Then, you gingerly took his length in one hand, letting your thumb swipe over the tip. Precum slicked the pad. Javy watched as you brought your thumb to your mouth and sucked his essence from it. 

His lips quirked at the soft pop! your lips made. A hum rose from your throat as you leaned forward to kiss his abs. Javy’s breath hitched, which made you smile.

You sprinkled kisses across Javy’s abdominals and thighs. Finally, your lips touched his cock. He twitched so hard when you finally kissed his tip, you thought he might instantly cum. Palms planted on the floor, you slipped the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it. A light groan escaped Javy.

It was intense, but you held his gaze and you continued to swallow him inch by inch. Your tongue laved along the underside of his cock. You enjoyed the thick pulsing vein, which you softly prodded now and then. The first time, his hips bucked. The second time, you felt his length twitch.

Javy was first to break eye contact. Once he was completely down your throat, he couldn’t help but loll his head against the back of the couch and moan. A smile crept across your features the best it could for having a thick cock stuffed in your mouth. 

A hand grazed across your shoulders as Natasha knelt beside you. “Can I touch you?” she asked. You nodded the best you could. Natasha’s hand was in your hair, combing it out of your face. She placed soft kisses on the back of your neck and along your shoulders as she situated herself behind you. 

Lips still on your neck, Natasha’s hands reached around to unbutton your pants. Then she dipped a hand in, following the plane of your belly. She smiled against your neck. “No panties. You little minx!” She kissed you more. 

“You’re so wet,” she cooed. Her fingers easily slipped through your slick and tugged your clit. You moaned around Javy from her touch. “That’s it.” Natasha’ voice was sultry in your ear. Almost involuntary, your hips began to match her rhythm as she sandwiched your clit between her fingers and slid them back and forth.

You moaned around Javy’s cock again. This time, you gagged a little. “Holy, shit.” Javy’s breath hitched again. “Nat, tell her how good she is.” His voice was strained.

“But baby, do you want her to take you to completion? So soon?” Natasha asked.

“You decide,” he responded in a single breath.

Natasha’s hand disappeared from between your legs. You were disappointed at the loss of stimulation. But her hand soon was tugging your roots, easing you away from Javy. Her other hand replaced your mouth, sliding up and down Javy’s length. 

“I didn’t think you could look prettier, but you're gorgeous after sucking his cock.” You felt yourself clench around nothing at her compliment. She also swallowed your whimpers as she covered your mouth with hers.

Once again, you were in Natasha’s lap, grinding against her thigh as she licked into your mouth. She had one hand down the back of your pants, palming your ass while the other was still pumping Javy. You’d managed to get your hands up her shirt and were massaging her through her bra.

“Fuck!” You broke apart as Javy sprung off the couch. He hauled you up by the elbow, and Natasha quickly followed. You stumbled and Natasha helped steady you with a hand on your hip as Javy led the three of you to what you assumed was Natasha’s bedroom. 

He let his hand slide down your arm until your hand was in his. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, pulling you until you were tucked to his chest. You’d been looking at his lips the whole time and met his gaze, giving him a small nod. His kiss was softer than Nat’s. Javy’s palm came to rest on your cheek. When you parted, he let his thumb glide across your bottom lip.

Natasha stepped behind you and slid a hand back into your unfastened pants. Her chin rested on your shoulder. You looked back at her and turned to face her. She smiled and kissed you before walking you backward toward the bed. You let yourself fall onto the mattress when your knees hit the edge. Natasha helped you shimmy out of your pants. 

Before you could move, she was on her knees between yours, placing kisses on your inner thighs. She held your gaze as she slipped one of your legs over her shoulder, and pushed the other back for better access. “Relax,” she said between kisses. You watched her. Your heart seemed like it might pound right out of your chest onto the floor. 

She held your gaze as she placed the lightest kiss on your cleft. Then, her tongue dipped between your folds. You exhaled with pleasure as her broad tongue glided the length of your clit and then narrowed into your hole. Her free hand found yours and entwined your fingers as she tongued you. 

You couldn’t help the moans escaping you. You also couldn’t keep your back on the bed. Only Natasha’s hand was keeping you grounded as you writhed above her.

Unnoticed, Javy made his way over to the bed. He shed his clothing and slid beside you. You turned to look at him. He placed a sweet kiss on your forehead, then your nose and finally pressed his lips to yours. Again, his hand found yours. He and Natasha both supported you as you moaned and arched your back off the bed. That delicious tension was building low in your stomach. You wanted Natasha to get you there so bad. 

“Javy,” Your breathing was ragged. “Put your cock in my mouth.” There was a pause. “Please.” He let out a light laugh as he maneuvered to cradle your head and slip himself into your mouth. You moaned as his tip stretched your cheek. Languidly, he continued to thrust into your mouth sometimes hitting your cheek and sometimes the back of your throat.

Javy and Natasha fell into complementary rhythms. “C’mon, come for me,” she coaxed you. She switched to two fingers pumping in and out of you, making sure to hit that spongy spot each time. You felt your vision fading as your orgasm grew nearer. 

Finally, you tumbled over the edge with Javy’s cock filling your mouth, Natsha’s fingers stuffed in your pussy and her mouth sucking your clit. It felt like your whole body came off the bed as you writhed and moaned. Javy and Natasha held your hands through it all.

As you came back to your senses, you heard them praising you. You were laying between the pair as their fingers softly skimmed your curves. You felt flush as you looked at Natasha. “That was amazing.” She smiled in response. “Maybe the best orgasm I’ve ever had.” 

“Nat definitely knows a thing or two,” Javy added. You turned to look at him. He had the proudest grin. 

Natasha’s soft laugh drew your attention back to her. “Javy’s no slouch.” It was cute to hear them talk up each other.

“Can I try to repay the favor?” you asked.

“Gladly.” Natasha smirked and leaned in to kiss you. Before it got too heated, she broke it to ditch her clothing. Quickly, she returned to you, palming your breasts and rolling your nipples until they hardened. 

Curious, you dropped your mouth to her nipple and swirled your tongue around it until it peaked. You showed the other the same attention and then alternated between sucking on each. Natasha arched into your affection. Her hand tangled in your hair as you pleasured her.

Javy watched you two before slipping off the bed. He reached for you and dipped his hands into the hinges of your thighs to position you on your knees at the end of the bed. You moaned and released Natasha with a smack. Before Javy pulled you away, you placed a kiss on each pert nipple. Natasha followed you, nestling her hips into your arms, so you could wrap your arms around her legs and easily bury your face in her pussy.

Javy lined himself up behind you, sliding him length between your cheeks, and then he slid his tip through your puffy, soaked folds. He grunted, letting his pelvis hit your ass. 

You canted forward slightly, bumping your nose into Natasha. She softly chuckled as you gasped. The tip of your nose was now wet. She looked at you and then dropped her gaze to herself. Your eyes followed to see her middle and index fingers spreading her lips. “Oh!” You watched as her fingers slid down her clit and disappeared inside her.

She and Javy exchanged looks above you as he pushed himself into you. A gasp escaped you as Javy slowly sank into you. You spread your knees wider enjoying his thickness. He kneaded your ass as he let you adjust to him. 

“Doesn’t he feel amazing?” Nat asked as she continued to pump her fingers in and out of herself. “Javy, is her pussy amazing?”

“Yeah, baby. So tight. So warm.” As he found a pace he liked, one hand moved to your clit. The other found purchase on the bed as he leaned over you to kiss Natasha. She happily sat forward to press her mouth to his.

“Oh. My. God.” You said with each thrust. Javy continued to draw tight circles on your clit. Fists filled with bedding, you braced yourself the best you could. You were still bumping into Natasha occasionally.  

Finally she pulled away from Javy and got back in her initial position. “I can’t wait any longer, can you please put your pretty mouth on my pussy?”

“Will you tell me what to do?” you asked innocently. She moaned, turned on by your naivety. 

“Of course.” She winked at you. 

As you lowered your head, Javy thrust just right to hit your G spot. Your breath hitched and a curt moan left you. Attentive, he repeated his actions and you rewarded him with more moans. 

Natasha couldn’t stand it anymore, she laced her fingers in your trusses and guided your lips to her heat. “Stick your tongue out. Flat.” You did as you were told and Natasha ground her slit against it. 

She sighed and continued stimulating herself on you. Enjoying the sensations at both ends, you felt the tension in your belly building again. 

“Suck me.” Natasha let go of your hair and guided you until your mouth was on her. Without hesitation, you pressed your lips flush to her clit and sucked. She tossed her head back as you applied more suction.

Instinctually, you slid two fingers into her hole. She gasped and began to roll her hips in tandem with your fingers pumping in and out. You loved the silky feeling of her on your fingers. 

Resting your mouth, you pressed the pad of your thumb to Natasha’s clit. You never had your fingers in a pussy other than your own. Wanting to please Natasha, and curious, you changed your angle with each probe. Finally, you found that rubbery patch on her upper wall. 

Her breath hitched and she squeezed around your fingers. You zeroed in, come-hithering your digits against that spot and putting your mouth on her. 

“You’re a natural.” She moaned as she put her hand on the back of your head and pressed herself against your face. You hummed against her pussy, and she clenched her thighs around your head. 

Javy helped hold Natasha’s thighs wide. Still buried between your legs, Javy leaned over top of you and placed a hand on each of her kneecaps. You alternated between sucking on her clit and dipping your tongue into her while he held her open.

“Keep doing it,” Natasha whined, closing her eyes and biting her lip. Suddenly, her eyes shot open. “I want to ride your face. Javy, flip her over,” she commanded. 

No time to react, you yelped as Javy easily rolled you on your back. He slipped back into your pussy and moved at a listless pace. His hands traversed your hips and belly. 

Meanwhile, Natasha demanded you stick out your tongue as she straddled your head while facing Javy. Immediately, she began to slide back and forth against your broad tongue. “Yes! Yes!” she chanted. You could tell she was close to her peak. To help push her closer, Javy put his month over one of her nipples and palmed the other. Your hands moved to grope her ass and spread her wider.

Nat stopped moving, and you and Javy took over. You laved your tongue all over her, sucking her lips, nipping her clit and planting kisses here and there. Natasha gasped when you began to tongue fuck her. She moaned and bounced a little against your face, which was the final piece to her twitching against your mouth.

You continued spreading Natasha and plunging your tongue into her heat. The task proved difficult when Javy guided Natasha’s head between the two of you. She stroked your clit with her tongue and fingers. Meanwhile, Javy began to pick his pace back up, thrusting into you.

The tension in your stomach tightened, and you were on the verge of overstimulated. Your head lolled back on the bed and your back arched as your second orgasm washed over you. Natasha and Javy worked you through it.

About to cum himself, Javy said, “Look at me,” to Natasha. She stared at him with doe eyes as he pulled out of you. A few pumps of his fist, and warm viscous ropes glazed Nat’s face. She gasped as the last drops hit her skin. Javy helped her climb off you, and he encouraged you to clean her up.

She knelt beside you on the bed, palms planted. You swiped two fingers across her bottom lip, before pushing them into her mouth. She licked them cleaned, and then sucked them before giving you your hand back. You then cleaned the rest of her face with your tongue.

Natasha pulled you on top of her and lured you into a makeout session. While the two of you kissed until your lips were numb, Javy snuck away. 

He returned just as you separated. He cleaned you up with warm damp washcloths and planted a kiss on each of you when he was done. He also brought you water with electrolytes. Then, he tossed two of his t-shirts at you while he pulled on boxers. 

The three of you climbed into bed, he and Natasha on either side of you. Natasha rested her head on your chest and lazily drew circles on your thigh under the sheets while you were tucked into Javy’s side. He pressed kisses to your temple every now and then, and his fingers played with Natasha’s hair.

You were nearly asleep when Natasha pressed a couple kisses to your jaw. You moaned. “I don’t think I can do another round tonight.”

“But you want another round? Or two?” Natasha’s tone was hopeful. Your heart fluttered at the thought. Tonight was easily the best sex you had ever had. Why wouldn’t you want to do it again?

Javy’s hand rubbed your shoulder and bicep. “I can speak for both of us when I say we’d love another round. Many rounds.” He kissed your forehead. 

“Let’s sleep on it and discuss over breakfast,” Natasha suggested as she settled back into her spot with her head on your chest. “Javy’s a unicorn in the kitchen.” The three of you giggled before exchanging goodnight kisses and nodding off to sleep.

Visit my masterlist for more | Sign up for my tag list!

A kind reminder: Likes work hard, but reblogs and comments work harder 😈

Tag list and friends that may be interested: @cherrycola27 @taytaylala12 @galaxy-of-stories @awildewit @potato-girl99981 @shanimallina87 @malindacath @violyn20 @djs8891 @linkpk88 @furiousladyking @daggerspare-standingby @princess76179 @jstarr86 @blue-aconite @hecate-steps-on-me @chicomonks @darkheartcherry @soulmates8 @roosters-girl @dempy @mayhemmanaged @desert-fern @roosterisdaddy36 @hangmanscoming @mavrellover91 @s-u-t @averyhotchner @penguin876 @kmc1989 @xoxabs88xox @mak-32 @seitmai @abaker74 @callsignharpe @cassiemitchell @startrekfangirl2233 @dakotakazansky @beyondthesefourwalls @bradshawsprincess @sylviebell @laracrofted

[bunnakit]

my stand in ep 4 thoughts, feelings, etc

WOW WA WE WAA THAT SURE WAS AN EPISODE HUH - happy to report i went back through the episode slowly this week and took notes and really tried to gather everything i wanted to say (but i will inevitably forget something)

🌸 ok disclaimers because i have a lot of them for this particular episode 🌸

i'm just a silly guy on the internet, i'm not an expert in mental health, psychology, body language, whatever. most days i can't even take care of myself. i'm just saying things recreationally.

PLEASE do not put novel spoilers in my replies, reblogs, or tags without a warning notice. i've got an itchy blocking finger for it these days.

i am treating ming and joe and everyone involved in this show as if they were real life human beings. ming was not born some mustache twirling villain sent from hell to make joe miserable. joe is not some pure angel descended from the clouds to do no wrong. everyone in this show exhibits very human behavior and that can be distressing under certain circumstances. i'm just going to comment on them as humans. i'm not interested in a round table discussion on why a character is irredeemable, the scum of the earth, etc. i'm just putting my thoughts out there and you can take them or leave them.

🌸 alright yucky disclaimer time over 🌸

the episode really just picks us back up where everything left off - and yet joe still made ming breakfast, and ming isn't stupid (well right now at least,) he knows something is off.

i am confused why tong needs to get married on this specific day. and like bro how fast are you getting married? relax. the whole thing is just unstoppable force (trajectory of this producers career) meets immovable object (tong's fuckass stubbornness) and the collateral damage is massive.

and then there's the question of did joe ever want to play a lead? or did he let his impulsiveness and hurt put a target on his back? (only emphasized by the fact that everyone assumed joe would turn down the role)

i DO apologize for all my doubt surrounding wut. he, ja, and may are the only people in this show with any god damn sense. maybe jojo and yim. we'll see.

getting into the confrontation at joe's work, i really don't think it's that surprising when we keep in mind ming genuinely has no fucking clue what is going on. all he knows is joe woke up, was acting weird, didn't come home, and then told him to pack up his shit and leave with ZERO explanation. like, joe's completely in the right, but i'd also be confused as fuck. (i wouldn't go to someone's work about it but, y'know, we know ming acts in extremes.)

and to me this is where it really became obvious that joe has always been able to overpower ming, to get away from him, as we have seen joe's physical prowess, we've seen what he's capable of, but he never uses his body to move ming away from him - that's not who joe is, he's not someone that would put his hands on another person like that. it's just another way ming and joe are the direct antithesis of each other.

it's my thought that the argument escalates because ming is used to getting everything he wants - except for tong, and now joe. when joe begins to push him away and deny him his substitution for tong i think ming lashes out in his hurt with a thought of "it's happening again, why doesn't anyone want me?"

i will say while i do believe sol has good intentions for the most part his white knighting is getting a little irksome. while convenient, it just shows how much he's still hovering and laying in wait for a chance with joe - he, too, is not respecting joe's wishes. no is a complete sentence, sol.

and then things continue back at home and joe finally, finally throws ming's words back at him: if i'm so terrible to be with, if you're so great, why are you wasting your time with me?

and ming doesn't have an answer. what ming DOES have is another back embrace, arms wrapped around joe as he asks "don't you love me anymore?" but is he asking joe or tong?

"although i'm not as good as tong" even now joe's rampant self worth issues are still at play but at least he finally knows he's worth more than whatever this is.

then the phone rings and to me, ming looks skittish. he looks shaken. he's never seen joe so angry and he's scared and as the call progresses that fear morphs into rage when sol calls joe. and the thing is, regardless of who played the main role, ming was never going to be happy. it was either going to be joe or tong playing opposite sol and neither of those things would have been acceptable.

and then i said, out loud, in my quiet office: OH! and promptly lost my shit in the group chat.

ming doesn't look wholly present after his act of violence. his face is vacant, like he isn't completely seeing or grasping what he's just done. i get the impression that ming isn't mentally well; stress and fear and anger have a way of making people do really fucking stupid things and as these things happen you risk falling into the sunk cost fallacy - you've already gone this far, you can't stop now - which all aligns with the obsessive behavior we've seen from ming in the past.

as joe wakes up and they talk once again joe doesn't blame ming, he blames himself for not seeing the writing on the walls even though it was written in invisible ink.

"all these times we were together did you ever love me?"

"you can't tell?"

again, so much of the blame and emotional responsibility of their situationship is put on joe and ming refuses to communicate any of his feelings, perhaps because he doesn't know how to after repressing everything for so long.

WE DIDN'T GET HOT KINKY CHAINED UP SEX THOUGH, WHY DOES GOD HATE ME SPECIFICALLY

but the way joe looks at ming as they linger there in the wake of joe's request looks like a goodbye, the way his eyes soak in every detail of ming's face. despite all of this and the nightmare it has turned into he did love ming, perhaps still does, and he does have some of those good memories he was so desperate to keep.

though like.. joe.... maybe we could consider a different career path??? instead of just jumping to risking our lives? like sure food service sucks, cashiering sucks, etc. but you aren't in danger of falling off any cliffs, you know? and let's be real, he could just go into modeling with those looks.

it's my impression that when ming calls joe he looks haggard, like he's lost numerous nights of sleep (and we really don't know how much time has passed) but either way it does seem like he's at least done some amount of reflecting. his voice comes across soft, subdued, and sincere.

and after everything, back in the present, we see ming. he's still in the apartment, desperately calling joe's name all these years later, still unable to sleep and waiting for joe to come home just like he asked him to years ago.

maybe ming never wanted to enter the entertainment industry before, but he has now. perhaps it was never for the attention or the money, maybe he chose to promote those watches because it was a reminder of the gift from joe. and maybe this job, in this specific industry, is the closest he can feel to joe now. and maybe with new influence and connections ming can find out why he was never able to tell joe he loved him before he lost him.

WHO KNOWS, NOT ME, CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT THO

[danikamariewrites]

Hi , love I absolutely love all your writing

I dont know if your requests are still open if they are could you write a azriel comfort fic if you're comfortable writing where his gf shows him her sh scars and they both cry in eachothers arms and hug eachother and az now has a shadow attached to her by her side when he's away to protect her ?

Brave

Azriel x reader

A/n: hi anon, thank you so much. I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while now. I used to struggle with sh as a teenager. I won’t go into my whole story but if you struggle with sh please know you’re not alone and I implore you talk to someone whether it’s a therapist, your best friend, sibling, parent etc. There are people in your life who love you very much and want to help you.

Warnings: mentions of self harm, mental health struggles, angst. Please don’t read if these topics trigger you!

As you were doing the dishes last night your sleeve slid up higher than you intended it to go. You knew Azriel saw your scars from the look on his face but he didn’t say anything about it. You knew he wouldn’t but it was time to come clean about your past.

Centuries ago, your mental health took a turn for the worst and you hit a low point. You were so depressed and convinced no one in your life cared about you. You felt so alone and isolated you just wanted to feel something other than that emptiness in your chest.

So you took out on yourself in the worst way. It went on for years without anyone in your life noticing. Or so you thought. Your mother found out and was distraught. She held you crying, telling you she was going to do everything to get you the help you needed.

You healed mentally and physically, but you were still self conscious about the scars you left behind. You had yet to tell Azriel about your past. Both of you took your time opening up in your relationship not wanting to rush anything. He only recently told you about what his stepbrothers did to his hands.

Tonight, you decided it was your turn to open up. Entering the sitting room you cleared your throat. Azriel looked up from his book at you. He gave you a small smile as you fidgeted under his gaze. Padding over to the couch you sat next to him.

“So…I know you saw the scar on my arm last night. And I want to tell you what happened.” Putting his book down Azriel held your hands, rubbing the rough pads of his thumbs across your knuckles. “You don’t have to if you feel like you’re not ready. I don’t want to push you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.”

The corner of your mouth twitched up as you looked down at your joined hands. “You’re not forcing me to do anything Az. I promise.” He dips his head motioning for you to continue. Slipping your hands out of his you move to roll up your sleeve to show your boyfriend the grouping of thin scars on your forearm.

Azriel’s eyes widened. He looked up at you, face scrunched in pain and confusion. “Centuries ago I-I hit a rough patch. Mentally. I thought I was useless and no one wanted me. I was lonely, I had no friends, and my family was preoccupied with my brother’s achievements.”

You started getting choked up. Your eyes watering with each word. It had been a long, long time since you had told anyone close to you what happened. But you were glad you were telling Azriel. He cares about you so much you’re sure that you’re in love with each other. You think he might be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

Clearing your throat you continue, “So I started hurting myself. It went on for a long time before my mother intervened. But I’m ok now. I saw a therapist and I’ve worked through it all.” Azriel reached out slowly, cradling your arm in his hands gently.

You feel tears fall down your face quickly. Blinking them away you weakly smile at Az. When he looks at you, you’re shocked to see tears of his own wetting his cheeks. It was rare Azriel cried in front of anyone. “Thank you for trusting me. I’m so sorry you went through that y/n.”

The softness of his voice broke you. It wasn’t like his usual quiet manner. This was pure hurt for someone he loves. Azriel pulls you into his lap, pressing his lips to the crown of your head as he rocked you lightly. You felt his tears in your hair as yours soaked his shirt.

You had never felt so cared for and accepted by anyone in your life. Azriel always knows how to comfort you, making you feel safe. “I love you, y/n. And I’m always here for you if those thoughts ever come back. Please, please know that you are wanted, and perfect, and you bring me so much joy.”

Leaning away from Az a little you cup his face, wiping away his tears with your thumbs and smile at him. “I love you too Azriel. Thank you, for always knowing what to say. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He leaves a slow kiss on your forehead before standing with you in his arms.

“Let’s get some rest, yeah?” “Yeah” you whisper, pressing your face into Azriel’s neck.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "not making time" for my ex

So I (21F) met my ex (24M) at an internship I held last summer. We started seeing each other and things quickly developed into a full relationship. We spent a lot of time together as we worked 10hr days together 4 days a week and he always wanted to meet up on weekends. For a while every date was an overnight and our physical relationship began very quickly.

Fast forward a couple months and I moved back to college as I am finishing up my BA atm. He knew this going into the relationship and I made it explicitly clear that if he wanted things to continue, it was going to be long distance (its about 2-2 1/2 hours away). Shortly before this time he became extra clingy and angsty about me moving saying things like I never made time for him (our dates even prior to were never less than 10 hours) and when we weren't able to see each other for a couple days he would want to call and would want to talk for hours because he missed me even if I was busy or expressed that I didn't want to be on the phone as it is a very mentally draining task for me.

After 1-2 months of long distance, these problems got worse. Every time I saw him he would complain about not having enough time to do stuff with me and would often stay most of the weekend even if I would politely ask to have some time to do homework or just be by myself. He would say that he could help with my chores, homework or mental health time and didn't seem to understand my desire to do things independently. He kept saying that I wasn't letting him into my life enough and said that he hated the distance between us and wished he didn't have to drive so far. There were other issues that also kept piling on and eventually after much back and forth we broke up him citing that "he wasn't good for me" and things weren't working out.

During the month after our breakup I felt many things both guilty and sad but also a bit relieved as the fighting in our relationship had caused a lot of built up stress and anxiety that had pushed me to a very low place. In this time we had called a few times to discuss things and some calls went okay but others took turns and would leave me feeling hurt and confused. We had a meetup to talk in person about getting back together and I said for the time being I think we're better off as friends. He is someone I care a lot about and I do think that he has some dark shit to deal with and probably needs to seek counseling. I feel as if I have been very forgiving and kind but also acknowledge that I likely have some fault in the demise of our relationship as there are things I need to work on such as boundary setting and people pleasing.

Since this conversation many things have happened that complicate matters and I honestly feel a bit lost. There are times it feels like we could have a new beginning and others where all the old issues come screaming back into my face. I've said I don't want to be in a relationship with him right now and need time to work through things and he wants to keep up the physical part of our relationship as he sees that as something that didn't need fixing.

Recently we met up and I had set plans with my friends before and after we saw each other. He showed up mad that I had set plans with other people on the day that we had time together since it made things feel rushed and he wanted to actually be able to spend time with me. This ended up blowing up into an argument and he told me to "grow the hell up" and also said that I "needed to learn how to be in a real relationship". These things were incredibly triggering to me as I am both younger than him and this is also the first relationship and everything that I have ever been in. He told me that he didn't appreciate the fact that I never wanted to make time for him and said that this was true during our relationship as well. He said that if I couldn't do it he had other friends that cared about him enough and that he shouldn't have even come to see me since it was clear that I didn't give a shit.

Now I feel so lost since I have even after our relationship never flaked on him and have been overly honest about my insecurities and everything even outside of the relationship. He is someone I still really care about but every time something like this happens I feel that he is not good for me even if he does really care about me in all the ways he says. It hurts so bad even because amongst all these things we still have really nice times together where we can just be around each other and enjoy each others company. I know that I cannot separate these experiences as they happen with the same man and all my friends tell me this is manipulative behavior but I also worry that I'm overreacting.

So AITA? (sorry for the long post)

What are these acronyms?

[xxladyballadxx]

Open Your Heart

Joshua Rosfield x Reader

Summary: Your lover Joshua Rosfield, the dominant of Phoenix, urges you to open up to him instead of always pushing him away. 

(Note: This is quite similar to the one I wrote ages ago)

~ dividers by @/cafekitsune ~

You were never the type to talk about your feelings to anyone, even Joshua. He has been very concerned about your wellbeing. So is everyone at the hideaway. The other day, Jill knew something was wrong with you and she wanted to comfort you. You pushed her away and gave her the cold shoulder. Which made her upset and more worried. 

Next was Clive coming to try and talk to you, he even summoned you to his chambers wishing to speak to you in private. He said to you once that if you ever feel sad or angry, you can always talk to him or Jill. You did none of that. None. You continued to behave like this and not to talk to anyone about how you’re feeling. 

Clive didn’t have the urge to stop you from leaving his chambers so he just sat there, not knowing what to do. When Joshua came back from his journey, Clive had a word with him talking about you. 

Joshua told his older brother that you have been avoiding him quite a lot these past few days, he wondered why and Clive wasn’t really happy about it. He didn’t appreciate your behavior towards his own younger brother, even to Jill. Joshua promised Clive that he will talk to you. He rushed to your room and beat your door with a knock, “(Y/n)? Are you in there?” 

“Please go away…” You mumbled, urging him to leave you alone. You know Joshua, he’s not going to leave until you tell him what’s wrong. Joshua sighed, having no choice but to open the door and slammed it in anger behind him, “Do you truly mean to hurt me this way, (Y/n)? By pushing me away and not talking to me about the things that are bothering you? ” 

“Joshua, I-” Your words were cut off when Joshua marched closer to you, dropping on one knee and holding your hand, “Please do not continue to hurt me like this, (Y/n). I don’t want you to keep pushing me away…” his gaze was too sad to look at. Even though you couldn’t look away from him. By the tone of his voice, you could tell that he was hurting. Hurting for you. He sat by you on your bed, still holding your hand, “Open your heart to me, (Y/n), don’t keep it shut forever…” 

You heaved a long-short sigh of defeat, finally making eye contact with Joshua by your side. Perhaps you were too aloof towards him, to Clive and everyone. This helped you to realize that you’ve been shutting yourself away from people that care about you, even Joshua….

You buried your face sorrowfully into your hands, breaking down in tears as Joshua held you in his arms, “I’m so sorry…” you mumbled a apology in a low voice, “I’m just so fucking tired…” You looked up to Joshua in the eye with that crying face, “All this bloodshed, the war, everything. I don’t even know where to start. Ever since my family abandoned me of what I’ve become so long ago, I’ve been feeling so isolated and lost. Every night, I get nightmares of everyone I know leaving me… ”

Joshua felt a sting of pain deep in his heart, he hates to see you like this so much that it saddens him whenever you feel like the whole world is falling all around you. Tearing you apart piece by piece, bone by bone. “I wonder if I deserve to live or not. I asked myself that every day. I even wonder if people will care if I’m gone…” your words were deeper than a sword, it became a poison to Joshua. It wounded him mentally and physically, his heart shattered when you said those things. You were being very hard on yourself and Joshua is hurting because of those words that upset up entirely. 

“(Y/n), please don’t say those things like that. You know how much it hurts me!” Joshua cried with his voice breaking, his eyes were becoming watery but you couldn’t tell if he wanted to cry or not, “I would never truly be myself if you were gone.” He tightened the hold on your hand, his gaze locked on you, “I will never forgive myself if anything happens to you. Without you, (Y/n), I am empty. My life won’t be the same without you.” 

Does he actually mean that? 

Of course he does…

Your heart cried out after hearing those words from him, the little cracks on your heart were slowly beginning to fade. Your eyes created a stream of tears, sliding down to your pale-salted cheeks. 

Joshua snooped you into his arms, your head attached to his chest as he embraced you tenderly. “You are my greatest gift to me, (Y/n) and I am truly blessed to have you in my life. Never forget you will always have me…and the others too.” 

“I’m so sorry, Joshua…” you whimpered, your crying face still buried on his chest. 

“It’s alright, my love.” 

“I need to go and apologize to Clive and Jill for my unacceptable behavior….” 

“I will come with you, love.” 

~~~~~~~~

You gave a few knocks on Clive’s door, you have this feeling that he’s going to open with that scowling look on his face. Once the door was opened by him, no sense of anger came from him “(Y/n)..” Clive looked at you with worry, he didn’t seem angry. 

“Clive I’m-” you were interrupted when Jill rushed past Clive to hug you in comfort, “(Y/n)! We were so worried about you!” you returned the hug as you apologized, “I’m sorry for the other day, I didn’t mean to upset you both. Same with Joshua and everyone else here. It was never intentional…”

Clive smiled serenely, “What matters now is that you're feeling better, (Y/n). Remember that you are never alone.” 

“All is forgiven, (Y/n).” Says Jill with a reassuring soft smile, “We will always look out for you. Just know that we support you all the way. If you ever need someone to talk to, me and Clive will be here to listen.” 

You hugged Jill once again and then next was Clive, “Thank you…I can’t tell how much this means to me..” 

All was sorted out to the end, you thought Clive would be mad for you hurting Jill’s feelings. He wasn’t at all. He accepted your apology as he and Jill comforted you. It seemed that Clive didn’t want to upset you more by being angry with you, that could be the reason why. 

Joshua dragged you to the balcony to watch the horizon with him. You motioned your body to cuddle up next to his, holding his arm with such tenderness. He smiled gracefully down to you, pecking a kiss on your forehead and looked back to the scenery with the sun’s bliss of radiant glow flowing across the horizon. 

“It’s beautiful…” 

“Yes but…” Joshua turned to you as he pressed down his hands softly onto your shoulders, leaning to collide his lips towards yours, “Not as beautiful as you are, my love.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

a/n - Is it just me or are there not enough fanfics of Joshua Rosfield fanfics on here? (ㅠ﹏ㅠ)

Anyways, hope you all liked this!

UNTIL NEXT TIME 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

[hoe4rairai]

❌️ RAIAN FEVER TODAY ❌️

My Answers ❣️ :

1- If you were in Raian's universe, will you accept him as he is ? The murdere , the Assassin ...

Hard at the beginning, but I will grow a thicker skin if he only assassins bad people. Otherwise, it's a huge pill I might not even be able to swallow. Also, if he likes animals, it might be a bit easier to accept his job.

2- Continue dating him after what he's done to Alan ?

YES ... but it will take me a while to accept what I saw him doing, and i might not be relaxed for a while when he's around me. If I distant myself from him, he will go and never come back because he'll think I don't support him. However, I DOOOo support him, especially with these worms. But the mere fact that he torn a full-grown human ass apart will not settle well with me at the beginning . Speaking about it might be a good idea, but I can't show Raian my discomfort, as to him, it means weakness, and he hates mentally or physically weak people. My my discomfort might have, however, show unintentionally when he touches me or makes a sudden move on me. I can't help it, I am not a kure , my brain functions differently.

3- Will you support his mission to destroy the Worm and accept that he might never come back ?

I support his mission 💯... If He might never come back, I will probably disappear as well. In the alternate universe, Raian will be the air I breathe, so him not around ever again means no point for me to live , so i will go search for him in hell and live with my king for eternity .( too dramatic, I know 🤣 )

4- Will you be able to handle his rough handling and obsession over his power ?

Me personally, i am obsessed over his power and i brag about it whenever i get a chance, but with me, I might have to keep reminding him gently every now and then that I am breakable and I would need little TLC every now and then, specially that time of the month, he however, will do whatever he pleases until i show some physical discomfort, then he snuggles with me like a kitty, I SWEAR HE PURRRSSSSS.

5- If you were transported to Kengan universe, how would you seek his attention ?

Looooool .. I have no Fuckin idea .... he likes strong women physically and mentally. I will surely be a mantal challenge for him. It's not hard to be chased by men if you play the right cards, but with the Kure Devil, I better be quick-witted and challangbleonce once the bait gets hooked he will claim me. AND I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. Am just worried about the aftermath ☠️☠️

6- In Kengan univers, how would you want to look like ? Describe yourself ( looks, figure, hair, strength, height, weight , foreign or Japanese , job.. what will your unique feature be ? SET YOUR IMAGINATION FREE

It's not so much different from how I look in reality. I am 162cm and 50kgs . umm, maybe longer hair , like a long breeded dark black hair. I would probably want to look like a human cute but sexy cat 😄😁😁 Meow. Though, I know he would be attracted to a unique beauty with a twisted yet mysterious personality that I can be, but Raian , likes his woman big and strong, so I might not stand a chance if ever ...

8- How you met ?

7- Imagine your first kiss / Sex .. ! It's NOT traditional ...!!!

First Kiss : forced, pushed, and messy but will deepen when I gradually lose my grip.

Sex : he won't be an asshole but he will manhandle me , and I think I will get attached after that. It won't be easy at first to adjust to his black sharp eyes paralyzing my body and soul or the positions he will force my body into that would make me very vulnerable and hopeless and SCARED but I will get attentive when he slows down a bit and relaxes.

I WANT TO READ ALL YOUR WILD IMAGINATION YOU HAVE ABOUT THIS MAN ...

At Fusui's apartment. Visiting, I saw a huge body laying on the couch semi naked face down . I mean, I could surf full board on that broad back ... Fusui gestured not to make a sound, but his presence tickled me so I purposely spoke loud, he Turned and his eyes looking at was enough to sent me into her room in a blink of an eye shutting close and wasn't sure if my mind captured the picture of his angry face correctly or I literally saw a real devil in my bestie's living room ..?!!!!!!

Disclaimer: My blog is a safe place for your imaginative mind. We all are wild for this man, and it's perfectly fine to have a comfort character. Don't be shy to go absolutely wild ... 😜 🎶 😉 🤪