#i love taking care of these babies but i am not progressing through this orientation and i know im not performing to the acuity that i need

[kyunsies]

night shift 2/3 and guys i am not a quitter and i’ve never been one but i need to put myself first and i think i’m going to quit this job

[riddles-fiddles]

Octavinelle boys with a pregnant S/O

Synopsis: I'm dealing with terrible baby ferver so I need to get this out of my system. Headcanons to how the boys react to your pregnancy all thorough the months (part 2) Characters: Azul Ashengrotto, Floyd Leech, Jade Leech Tags: SFW, fluff, domestic fluff Notes: AFAB gender neutral reader, cw pregnancy and birth

•·.·''·.·•ˏˋ°••·.·''·.·•ˏˋ°••·.·''·.·•ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

⁀➷ Azul Ashengrotto — make sure to give him the good news while the man is safely sitting down, or else you'll see him go weak on his knees. Azul prides himself on his collected demeanor and carefully woven expressions - vital skills for his business-oriented persona - but then he is inevitably crumbling down, staring at the positive pregnancy test wide-eyed, struggling to find something clever to say. His mind is racing wild but no rational thoughts are able to fall from his lips, so all he can muster is a very low, shaky "I am… going to be a father?"

Give him some time to digest the news and you'll be met by a very gentle, tender hug from the octomer. Azul is both thrilled and terrified of this new chapter of your shared life; he longed to achieve the same kind of love his mother and step-father shared with each other, to be cared for and desired in such a selfless and devotional way, inspired by the way their love reflected upon his own upbringing. On the other hand, however, his insecuriities threatened to surface once again, doubts and ghosts from the past whispering wicked lies about his worth as a future parent. He doesn't want to fail on you and the child, as a partner or a father, and though he's equally worried about the emotional aspect of parenthood, he sticks to the importance of material goods - they're more on his comfort lane and he does it flawless to ensure your growing family can have everything of need.

(Please leash him while shopping for nursery furniture or else he'll make the baby's room a monochrome nightmare)

Azul showers you with gifts almost everyday: jewels, clothes, accessories… anything he knows you like or make any minimal comments about, being his way of showing how much he loves and cares for you, and as you progress through the stages, he takes more leaves from Mostro Lounge. He loves his work, but you are the lighthouse of his life, the one he cherishes and clings to on stormy or bright days, and the pregnancy only fueled his sense of loyalty and sincerity to you. His cafe actually comes in handy when the cravings start, and Azul isn't even an ounce ashamed to take advantage of the students working under his contracts to request them to make whatever you hunger for, though it was a surprise at first to discover about that particular characteristic of human pregnancy; he was amused nonetheless, but then he will be more careful when handing your requests. He's a very attentive partner, though it could be hard for him to express all the emotions that bubbles within his chest, sometimes too worried about being 'too emotional', scared to say something and make himself a complete fool. He kneads the stress away from your body with careful fingers and helps you out on regular tasks - shampoo your hair, put your shoes on, change clothes.

When the big day finally comes, Azul is already set and ready to go. Fret not, for the darling octo-mer has picked only the best, comfiest and quietest room for the delivery with only the best nurses on the hospital and has already set a very special menu for you to indulge in after all your hard work. But suddenly he is panicking, the danger of human birth finally sinking in as he watches the way you writhe and sob on the bed, but he can't do much but hold your hands tightly and hope for the best as the nurses help you around. When his baby is finally placed over his arms and Azul gazes upon the serene features of the tiny bean, all his terrors and doubts melt away, exhaling out a sigh of relieve and renewed joy - Azul realizes he's madly in love with you and the frail life that lays withing his grasp. He understands that there's no need for him to be perfect, either.

⁀➷ Floyd Leech — very excited from the idea of having a mini Floyd running around the house, a pocket-sized partner in crime, but to expect he would be an exceptional partner is, unfortunately, wrong. Floyd is very complex and his emotions are hard to keep controlled, and now that you are pregnant, he becomes somewhat more intense because of your own hormones and the anxiety of parenthood gripping on his neck. He does tries his best to get his moods in check, though - he doesn't want you to be stressing over him, knowing how dangerous it could be, so whenever he feels like his mood is about to change drastically, he walks away to take a breath. Things can turn into quite a ruckus if you end up experiencing those annoying changes at the same time though, as Floyd struggles to understand why you're snapping at him all of a sudden when he was just asking you something. Jade helps him understand that you're extremely hormonal and how it affects your humor and helps you keep his brother's own on check.

He's a lot more possessive and protective of you now, if not clingier. Floyd will be wrapping his arms around your figure any chance he gets, and when in public he'll always be intertwining your fingers together or holding you by the waist, getting annoyed every time someone comes asking to touch your bump - "I'm the only one who should be allowed to touch my Shrimpy's belly! Strangers have no bussiness being so close to you." Going to the doctor is always amusing because that's the moment Floyd looks the most concentrated than you can ever remember. Human pregnancy is something so new and weird for him, he's totally enthralled; what do you mean you don't lay eggs? Oh, you're just like a whale! How fun! Though he is entertained from all the information he's learning, Floyd is lowkey terrified of the birthing process (he's flabbergasted to know human babies can come out the size of a small watermelon), but he does his best to calm you down, and if you'd prefer to get a c-section, then he'll totally support you! During the preparations for the baby's room, Floyd will prefer to decorate it with ocean-themed stuff, having a blast with the assorted toys you two have bought and you're worried he might be more excited with them than your child. You know that one meme of the dad stealing the kid's tricycle? Yeah, that's him.

The delivering day comes, and Floyd is a whirlwind. He's more scared than you and it shows, no more jokes or smart remarks to try and hide his desperation, only panic, and you need to calm him down, even though he's not the one dealing with hellish contractions. Also, for the love of all Sevens, do not allow him to drive. Once you two get in the hospital, Floyd makes use of scary eel privilege to swiftly arrange a delivery room for you and suddenly almost all the nurse staff is mobilized to take care of you. Floyd can't bear the idea of leaving you alone not for even a minute, so despite the recommendations, he'll sit through hours by your side even if he's tense and stiff, holding your hand tightly. Bless the nurses who'll be helping you, because they'll have to deal with Floyd going through all the emotions known to man. Don't worry though, once he knows his shrimpy and little fry are safe and healthy, he'll turn back to the usual easy-going happy Floyd.

⁀➷ Jade Leech — Jade is surprised to receive the news. Similar to Azul, he does have a bit of knowledge about human's particularities and biology, but he wasn't expecting for you two to be compatible, especially since he's a much more 'feral' kind of merman. Nonetheless, he's happy with the prospect of growing a loving family with you... though by the progression of months, he grows the most worried. He's relieved to see the way you glow, how you seem healthy, but intrusive thoughts sometimes creep on the back of his mind. What if something happens? What if your body rejects the child because of his eel-merman genes? What if— but then you come to him squealing about how you felt the baby's first kick, and suddenly he's relaxing, his heart washed from any lingering fears. He pulls you closer and lays his head on your bump, humming quietly as he feels the baby slowly settling down.

Jade does his own research just to be sure he's doing everything right and what to expect from the significant changes you two are inevitably experiencing, insisting on working out a routine of exams and appointments, always so attentive to every little detail and medical advice. The bad thing is, he strictly follows them, which means you won't be able to snatch something unhealthy for all of your pregnancy; even if you're trying to tiptoe your way to the fridge, Jade somehow knows, he's right there to remind you about 'doctor's orders'. He's got the best of intentions, though he may look too strict. But don't fret! As soon as mama Leech gets word about your pregnancy she's coming to help! Jade actually listens to her tips, recognizing her very valuable experience on the matter and trusting mama knows best. At least you get to eat some cheat food here and there - Jade's shocked and extremely entertained to be taught that humans believe that a baby could be born looking like a certain kind of food if the mother doesn't eat whatever she's craving, and so he indulges you into whatever you ask him to cook. Similar to Floyd, Jade grows more possessive of you, especially when out in public. He dislikes the attention your bump attracts, cautious of ill-intentioned people, so when your belly has grown to it's full glory, Jade gives curious passerbys a piercing cold look while you're not aware, and then carries on to grocery shopping, whispering sweet praises to your ear like the entire mall isn't turning heels as fast as possible the moment they land their eyes on you both.

When the baby's due date comes, Jade is the ever collected and relying gentleman you need. Since he's such a good observer and has kept track of every little thing during your pregnancy - mood swings, body changes, smell and heat - he already has a suspicion you're about to go into labour, so he has prepared everything you might need even before you can shout about your water breaking. It's so endearing how he already looks like a dad - diligently guiding you through the hospital halls, big maternity bags hanging on his shoulders as he coos quietly about how everything is going to be ok, how you're going to be a great parent and how much he loves you. If you ask him to stay with you on the delivery room, he'll gladly let you squeeze his hand into oblivion and look unaffected, watching as you work for hours on end with a ressuring smile and the most sincere devotion on his eyes, totally enthralled by your resilience.

[purplepirate123]

Writeblr Intro

(Take 1,792)*

Hi, writers of Tumblr! I thought I'd try this again since every other time has been... Not great lol. Mostly my doing, but I think I've figured it out.

Aurthor name: Rebecca/R. K. Fisher

Age: 28

Pronouns: She/her

Writing From: Cleveland, Ohio USA

Sexual Orientation: Labels have never worked for me, but I'm married to a wonderful person ❤️

Educational Background: Bachelor's Degree following English and Wiring (2016), 36 Credit Hours of a Master's of Library and Information Science Degree (left in February 2019). Now considering an MFA ccuuzzz why not add more to my student loan debt 🙃🙃🙃

Genre: Young Adult/New Adult Speculative Fiction & Short Stories

Most Common Theme in Books: Social Justice/Social Commentary

Published: "The Basement" in The Monsters We Forgot, Vol II (2019), "Canary" in What Monsters Do For Love, Vol I (2020), Devil In the Details (2022)

Non-writing: We do cat rescue in our neighborhood and might start posting pictures of the critters that come to us for help from time to time. Depending on the cost of care it might be in the form of a GoFundMe so reblogging is much appreciated!

Current WIPs:

Mercenary of the Stars: a New Adult novel featuring lesbian space pirates breaking up a human trafficking ring made up of Earth migrants and sponsored by society's wealthy elite. (Hoping to traditionally publish)

Firavanna: A Young Adult/New Adult novel about a young Earl from a fallen family trying to solve the murder of the girl he was supposed to marry - if only her ghost was more helpful. (Indie publisher)

Heir of Rot & Ruin: a Young Adult novel following 16-year-olf Charlie Harris and her friends as they work together to get back the children and babies stolen by the mysterious Court of Salt and Brine - and banish them from Belfast, Maine for good if possible. (Self-publish)

Song of the Autumn Court: a New Adult novella about a girl who always thought the fact that her mother was taken by faeries was a tragedy until she discovers the real monsters might be in her village. (Self-publish)

... and a whole bunch of short stories (mixed publishing).

I guess that's about it for me! I spend a lot of time on Tumblr reblogging aesthetic pictures of nature and animals that inspire me and bring me joy and I hope they do the same for you! I'll also share some political/current event commentary (I am a leftist/progressive) and write the occasional blog post. Tumblr is my only social media platform now so I'll also be announcing project updates and book-releases. I will happily help promote other writer's works, too!❤️

NOTE TO FELLOW WRITERS: As you can see I've written a lot and been writing for a long time, so if you're new to writing or want tips or feedback on your latest project, please reach out! I don't know if I'll have time to beta-read a full book but will certainly do what I can to help guide you through the process of finishing it.

Thanks, all! See you online ☺️

P.S.: I've always wanted to do a Write-With-Me Livestream either on YouTube or Twitch where a bunch of writers join me either on stream or in the chat in writing a sort of ad-libbed story together. When I proposed it during my time on Twitter it went down in flames but I thought maybe this community would like to try it. If so, let me know by commenting, reblogging or DMing me! Writing is lonely work and it might help us all feel a little more connected if there was a way we could do it together.

[onceupon]

London Boy

summary: Y/n finds herself all the way across the pond, trying to escape OBX. But much to her surprise, a certain someone might get in the way.

pairing: Rafe x reader (just an intro in this part, we’ll get there dw)

warnings: swearing, drinking, some mentions of anxiety?

word count: 3.2k

a/n: if you’re a sucker for a slow burn like me, buckle up and enjoy the ride. I plan on this being multiple parts and this is also my first time posting so please be gentle with me lol :’-) (not canon Rafe)

You huffed as you dragged your extra large and definitely overweight luggage down to the pickup area at Heathrow airport. You had just landed in London where you’d be going to school until the holidays.  You had decided to apply for, and actually got accepted into, your high school’s British exchange program. Every year Kildare Academy gave the option for 15 seniors to study for half the school year at Westheath Academy in London, a private boarding school, while 15 kids from their school came to yours. Normally, you wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving your friends and family for that long, not to mention missing out on half of senior year at home. But ever since the drama that erupted during the summer after your junior year that ended with you being shunned by your “friend group” (where they really ever your friends to begin with?), you practically jumped at the opportunity to get as far away from the Outer Banks as possible, albeit for a little while.

You didn’t know at all what to expect at Westheath, you had skipped the predeparture orientation at Kildare a few weeks ago, but you didn’t care - didn’t care who was going or what Westheath was like, all that mattered was that for the next few months you could finally breath. It was the clean slate you desperately needed, a chance to finally be around people and places you hadn’t known since birth. Sure there were going to be 14 other kids from Kildare there as well, but you had zero intentions of sticking with your OBX peers over the next few months. You weren’t going to let your small town suffocate you for a second longer if you could help it.

You double checked the license plate on your phone screen as the Uber you ordered pulled up.

“Y/N?” the driver called out from the front-right window (god that was going to take some getting used to.)

“Yep!” you smiled, huffing as you tried to pick up your luggage and step off the curb. Thankfully the uber driver was quick to your rescue, effortlessly lifting your suitcase into the trunk of the car. Leave it to you to overpack without even thinking to leave room for all of the clothes and souvenirs you were certain to accumulate - oh well, an excuse for a new suitcase you supposed.

Not in the mood for small talk, you were relieved that the Uber driver silently read your mind, playing a pop station as you both respectfully ignored each other’s presence. You anxiously tapped your thumb on your phone, eyes flicking between the screen where you watched your route progress and the view out your window of townhomes, pubs, and countless strangers passing by.

You hadn’t felt anxious about leaving for London the entire first half of junior year, so why was your stomach and head simultaneously churning now? You were so excited to experience a version of life that was the opposite of everything you were trying to get away from - a version of life that involved British accents, buzzing city life, and endless possibilities. But it was all of a sudden dawning on you how unfamiliar it all was. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself, no matter how far you ran, you would never be able to fully separate yourself from OBX. That damned small beach-town would always be a part of you, an inextricable thread in the fabric of your life.

The Uber pulled up to a halt in front of your destination. You hesitantly glanced out your window as you double checked the silver number on the building. Yep, 25 Brampton Rd - you were here. The Uber driver graciously lifted your suitcase out of the trunk for you and as he pulled away you let out a long breath - your fresh start was waiting behind the doors in front of you.

You rang the doorbell to the lobby, the security here no joke. You were soon buzzed into the building and you shakily pulled your suitcase in behind you, desperately trying to calm your nerves to no avail.

“Hi,” you croaked out as you approached the man seated at the front desk. “I’m- uhh here to check in to my apartment- uh I mean flat… I think… I’m with the Kildare Academy exchange,” you rambled, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Despite your best efforts, your anxiety was taking over.

The man gave you a sympathetic smile. “Name please?”

“Y/n L/n,” you replied, pulling your lips into a sheepish straight-lined smile as you mindlessly tapped your fingers on the handle of your suit case.

“L/n, L/n, L/n,” the man quietly muttered under his breath as his pen traced over a list of names. “Ahh here you are. Alright Miss L/n, here is a fob, this lets you into the building, now this key lets you into your flat, you’ll be on the second floor - apartment 2C, and this key is for your individual room,” he began to fire off at you as he rounded the desk and came to grab your suitcase, beginning to walk as you hastily followed suit. “This packet will tell you everything you need to know about our building here - wifi, laundry, trash days,” he shoved some papers in your hand as you both entered the elevator, him pressing the button for the second floor.

You emerged on to your floor and a few steps later you two were at the door of your new home, which the man quickly unlocked gesturing for you to step inside. “And this, Miss L/n, is your flat for the next few months with us here at Westheath. Your room is the second right down the hall there and I believe you’re the first here. Two of your flatmates who are yet to check in are from Kildare, such as yourself, and the other two are students of our own here at Westheath. You know I’m surprised how early you are, classes don’t start until next week! But nevertheless I’ll let you get settled,” you stood staring blankly at your new surroundings, more or less registering the words this man was firing off at you.

“I’m Richard by the way, if you ever need anything you know where to find me,” the man extended his hand toward you.

“Thank you,” you smiled, accepting his handshake.

“Welcome to Westheath,” he smiled back and just as quickly was turning on his heel and back out the door before you could get in another word, leaving you in your new flat by yourself.

You slowly walked through the empty place, meandering through the kitchen and living area, down the hall, peaking into the bathroom, and then finding your way to your room. It certainly wasn’t the type of living arrangement you were used to back home - your family lived on Figure 8 in the Outer Banks meaning you had grown up surrounded by mansions and luxuries. This place was small, simple, and yet it was cozy and well… perfect. It was the exact opposite of your Figure 8 life and that alone was enough to make you love it. You smiled, content, as you sank on to your empty bed, taking in your new room. You had a nice sized desk, a decent shelf, and a wardrobe. Simple and sufficient. You could get used to this. The room was starkly barren, but since school wasn’t set to start for another week and no one was here yet you made a mental note to go on a little mission to find some plants and decorations to bring the white box that was your room a bit more to life.

——-

Three days had passed and still your other flat mates had yet to show. You were starting to wonder if they ever would or if you’d end up living in this flat all by yourself. Your room was now decorated, you had found some cute posters in a shop you had wandered into, some plants in another, and string lights in a third. You had acquainted yourself with the grocery store around the corner and the drug store down the street and you’d even gone on the tube all by yourself.

Being on your own these last few days had been decidedly therapeutic, leaving you unable to contain a cheesy grin every time it hit you that you were actually here, in London, far far away from OBX. But you couldn’t help feeling a little lonely, with a passing hello to Richard every time you left and returned to the building being your main source of human interaction these last few days.

You laid on your bed as you debated the decision you were about to make - you would’ve never dared to use Tinder back home. You knew virtually everyone on the island and would’ve been absolutely mortified to match with anybody there. But hey - you were in London baby! This was a fresh start and nothing was off limits. You sighed and gave in, downloading the app and quickly making a profile. You must’ve rearranged the order of your pictures at least a dozen times before you finally decided it was good enough. You started to swipe, an endless supply of British boys at your finger tips. You couldn’t suppress a chuckle at how funny the whole concept was, your inbox already flooding with cheesy pick up lines from your matches. You spent the next hour going back and forth with these boys, silly, meaningless, flirty conversations - god it was so much easier being a flirt through a screen, you would be positively flushed in the face in person, unless you were drunk of course (your drunk self was a dangerously confident flirt for sure).

Liam: are you free tonight? Down to grab a drink and chat?

Oh wow. Straight to the point wasn’t he. You knew the point of the app was to eventually get off it and meet up with someone, but now that you were met with the opportunity, your stomach was flipping upside down. Fuck it, what do you have to lose?

Y/n: yeah that sounds great, I’m in Hammersmith if you wanted to go somewhere there?

Liam: perfect so am I (: 8pm at The Ladle. See you there xx

Pure adrenaline coursed through your body as you started doing your hair and makeup, throwing clothes all around your small room to find the perfect outfit that was cute but simultaneously made it seem like you weren’t trying too hard. You threw your wallet and keys in your purse, chugged the glass of wine you had been casually sipping on by yourself, and quickly headed out the door before you could overthink it and change your mind.

——

You nervously approached the bar that Google Maps had directed to you, not sure what you were getting yourself into, but you had already walked all the way here so you’d be damned if you didn’t see it through.

“Y/n?” a voice called out to you. God, hearing your name in that accent sent shivers down your spine.

“Yeah that’s me, Liam?” you questioned back, staring up at the fluffy browned-hair boy approaching you.

“That’s me,” he winked, extending his arm out to you which you nervously grabbed, as he led you into The Ladle, spotting an empty table for the two of you.

“So Y/n, what are you doing here in London. Something tells me you’re not from here?”the boy across from you smiled as you two got settled in your seats.

“Hmmm I wonder what could’ve ever given it away,” you replied with a sarcastic smile, American accent in full force. “But I’m here for school, on an exchange at Westheath Academy.”

“Oh shit, that means we’ll see each other around. I’m finishing up my last year actually. And somehow you’re the first American I’ve had the pleasure of being on a date with,” he smiled with a devilish grin that felt like it was burning into you, you hoping the flush on your cheeks wasn’t too obvious with the dim lighting.

“Lucky me,” you smiled back, faking a sly confidence as best you could despite the fact that you were all nerves on the inside. Dating was not something you were familiar with, having maybe gone on two back home, if those even counted.

“First round on me, what are you drinking tonight Y/n?”

“Umm a vodka cran is fine,” you replied to which you were immediately met with a scoff.

“No way babe, you’re in a pub in England now. Should’ve figured as much coming from an American like you,” he chuckled with a shake of his head, his fluffy hair bouncing with it. “I’m getting you a pint,” he asserted, walking over to the bar and giving you a moment to breath and collect yourself. You hated beer but weren’t about to put up a fight, at this point you would down just about any alcohol in order to get some more liquid courage in your system.

He quickly returned, placing the tall glass of golden-colored liquid in front of you.

“Cheers, to new school mates,” he winked extending his glass up to yours.

“To new school mates,” you smiled back, bringing your glass to clink with his, taking a long swig and trying not to grimace at the taste of the liquid going down your throat.

——

The night passed by quickly, you and Liam going through three rounds of drinks as you both laughed and bantered with one another, your nerves all but dissipated by the alcohol now coursing through your bloodstream. Heck, the beer was even starting to taste… good? God you barely recognized yourself anymore, but in the best possible way. One by one you were letting the closely guarded walls you had built up over the years in OBX fall, and you were feeling better than ever before - you felt free.

You and Liam stumbled back arms linked to the building you found out you were both living in, Liam on the fourth floor. You rummaged for the fob in your purse and you both got on the elevator, Liam instinctively pressing both your floor numbers. The elevator dinged opening to your floor, Liam turning to you with a cheeky smile.

“See you around, Y/n,” he winked. Why did you find that so attractive, or maybe it’s just because you were slightly drunk.

“Goodnight Liam,” you smirked back, blowing him a kiss as you walked out the elevator, the doors closing behind you.

You couldn’t help but smile like an idiot as you unlocked your flat and stumbled into your room, immediately collapsing on your bed. London. It was definitely going to be an adventure.

——

You were woken up the next day by the sun peaking through your window. You yawned and let out a big stretch, still giddy from last night’s date. It’s not like you thought you had just met your soulmate or something, you both kept the evening light, mainly joking and flirting as you downed drinks. But god you couldn’t remember the last time you had that much fun or ended a night feeling so confident and carefree. You were embracing every ounce of the euphoria you were getting from your new life.

You slipped out of bed and made your way to the kitchen, still rubbing the morning crust out of your eyes. Just as you got a pot of coffee going, you heard the distinct sound of a key turning, startling you as you realized it was coming from outside of your flat’s door. You cursed at the fact that you were about to meet a new flatmate while in your flannel pajamas and messy bun hanging halfway off your head, but mainly you were excited to finally have some company.

“Dude it’s no Figure 8 living but fuck it I’ll live anywhere to not have my parents breathing down my neck these next few months,” you heard a voice say, now in the hallway of your flat.

You immediately freeze. That was a male voice, definitely a male. Of course it makes sense now that you think of it, everyone in the flat gets their own room so what does it matter if the flat is co-ed. The thought just hadn’t crossed your mind, you automatically assumed you’d be living with all girls.

“Yeah man, anywhere that’s 1,000 miles away from Ward sounds like the perfect place to me,” another male voice laughed in return. Ward? Ward Cameron? That couldn’t possibly be who the voice was referring to because that would mean you were living with- and before you could even finish your thought you were standing jaw slightly parted staring at Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton  in front of you. Two of the most popular guys at school.

You weren’t really friends but your families knew each other so you inevitably saw one another at kook events every now and then. You couldn’t help but feel intimidated by them. You always told yourself you didn’t care about boys like Rafe and Topper or about fitting in with their crowd, yet you always became nervous in their presence.  They were cool. They partied a lot, were athletes, and had girls tripping over them, which you couldn’t fault considering anyone with eyes could tell they were attractive, but you’d never have the confidence to be so bold with guys like that. Unless you were drunk of course. And unless you were the new confident and carefree version of yourself that you had been on your date last night with Liam.

“Yo Y/n, no fucking way, I didn’t know we’d get to live with girl,” Topper smiled at you with a teasing grin.

You were suddenly acutely aware of how disheveled you look and how you weren’t wearing a bra under your thin pajama top.

“Uh hey w-what are you guys doing here,” you managed to choke out. That confident girl from last night had disappeared as quickly as she had arrived, leaving you now feeling winded in front of the two boys from your hometown. Why were you getting so flustered?

“Just on a little exchange program from Kildare, maybe you’ve heard of it,” teased Rafe sarcastically, a smile tugging at his lips, holding back a laugh at how caught off guard you looked.

“Yeah no yeah of course,” you stuttered, “I guess I just wasn’t expecting you two to want to sign up for it.”

That’s when you realized the obvious. Every year there was always a number of spots reserved on the exchange for athletes, and Rafe and Topper were two of Kildare’s star soccer players.

“What and get to miss an opportunity to play at Westheath and go to Premier League games all semester? No shot,” laughed Topper.

“Maybe you should’ve gone to orientation after all, roomie,” joked Rafe as he picked up his bag following Topper down the hall to their rooms. Rafe Cameron noticed I didn’t go to orientation?

You let your face fall in your hands with a groan only audible to you. You quickly picked up your head and shook yourself off, pouring yourself a cup of coffee as you tried to ground yourself from your frazzled state. Looks like escaping OBX was going to be harder than you thought.

---

Part 2

[timelyowl0]

Brittana/Faberry Fic Recs

Hi! Here’s a list I compiled of some of my all time favorite Brittana and Faberry fics! I was originally going to separate the list by Faberry and Brittana, but many of the stories have both, so instead you can just read the pairings listed for each. They are sorted by multi-chapter complete, multi-chapter incomplete/in progress, and one-shots. Each title is a link you can click on to take you to the fic. All credit goes to their respective authors :)

Also, here’s a quick rating guide in case you needed to know:

GA/PG - General Audience

T - Teen

M - Mature

E - Explicit

NR - Not rated

That’s all, I hope you enjoy!

Multi-chapter (complete):

Between The Lines (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Rachel invites Brittany and Santana to a sleepover. Brittany/Santana with a healthy side of Rachel/Quinn

The Only True Paradises (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The tortuous evolution of Santana's feelings toward Brittany. See also "Pas de Deux," a companion piece from Brittany's point of view.

Pas de Deux (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Companion piece to "The Only True Paradises." The evolution of Santana and Brittany's relationship from Brittany's perspective.

Faithfully (T) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "That moment when Santana had sworn, even though she and Brittany were standing at opposite ends of the raised platform…that she could still feel Brittany's energy zinging toward her, like they were connected on the same current." Brittana, Seasons 1 through 5, as told in five increments.

My Girlfriend's Sister's Keeper (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany isn't the only Pierce that has Santana wrapped around her finger. Santana's life with her two favorite people.

Mariposa (M) - 5 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Like a butterfly, Santana's journey out of the closet occurs in stages. From the first time she heard the word gay to the first time she flew free from her chrysalis, she can remember everything.

time passes, in love and in seasons (T) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittana, from the end of junior year and throughout senior year, told through the seasons. Mostly follows Season 3 canon.

Brittana Shorts (GA) - 8 Part Series - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A collection of Brittana-centric short stories

it’s nice to have a friend (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - They're six when they first meet. It's the first day of school in a crowded classroom and Santana finds herself drawn to the new blonde girl. OR The story of how Brittany and Santana meet and all the significant moments in their lives following the first time they see one another. - sequel

A Matter of Miserable Time (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "His voice was deep, quiet, and sure, so calm compared to the last words they had exchanged. Her voice was only a faint whisper as she questioned the man she hadn't spoken to in three years.'Papi.'"

Influence (M) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is perpetually cast as the dumb blonde, but the reasons behind her demeanor are more complex than that. She looks back on her childhood, her relationship with Santana, and the life-altering effects the decisions of her youth had on her future.

It’s Not Like I Wanted This to Happen (T)- 101 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana and Rachel/Quinn - Quinn takes a very drunk Rachel home from a party...encounters the Berrys…and herself. This story contains a huge amount of Brittana and a lot of Puck.

Rough Beginnings (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn decides she needs to end this obsession once and for all, but life doesn't always work out the way we want it to. Sometimes it's so much better. Faberry.

Never Asked to Feel Your Halo (T) - 45 Chapters (1/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - The thing was, neither of them wanted this-whatever it was, but since when did the Universe care about what Rachel or Quinn wanted? Their cards had been dealt the moment they'd entered that shower together. Now it came down to how well they played them.

Standing on the Edge Dancing in the Flames (M) - 34 Chapters (2/2 in series) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Life isn't all singing and dancing, not even in Glee club. And what if being on top of the pyramid just gives you further to fall. When everyone feels like a frienemy and fathers and faculty and babies and boyfriends complicate EVERYTHING, how are you ever supposed to get anything right? (Book Two of the 'No Halo' series)

The South Side of Anywhere (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Sometimes you fall in love with your eyes closed, and when you open them, the person is someone you never thought it could be. It started with letters, and turned into Faberry.

Somewhere in Between (M) - 77 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Imagine if Faberry happened instead of Finchel. This is a re-telling of every episode as if Faberry were cannon. Each chapter will chronicle each episode starting at the very beginning. Some things will change and some will remain the same. Longer description in first chapter. Also side Brittana. As well as Quinntana friendship, and Puckleberry bromance.

Didn’t See it Coming (M) - 63 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - AU HS. After a devastating breakup, Quinn turns to Rachel in need of a friend, and ends up with so much more. - "If, one day, someone asks me how it all started; I'll have to say it was a granola bar that finally did me in." Faberry.

Bet You Didn’t Know That (T) - 19 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Faberry. What she doesn't know, she doesn't need to find out.

Take Me As I Am Seasons 1 & 2 (T) - 48 chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The incredibly true adventures of Quinn and Rachel, starting from Sectionals Season 1. It's just like watching the show, if Faberry were the central couple and everything revolved around them! Brittana & Klaine co-star in supporting roles.

Take Me As I Am Season 3 (T) - 26 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Blaine - The continued adventures of Quinn & Rachel as the starring couple of Glee. Some integration of canon events, but mostly this is the story of Faberry and their world! Klaine & Brittana co-star in supporting roles

Blink and You’ll Miss It (M) - 31 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry discover they like each other. Against all odds, will they be able to get together before they tear each other apart?

You’re All I Need (M) - 17 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - A Faberry romance story, set when they are both single but I haven't specified when as I'm not even sure myself but most of the events are from series 3. Points of view will change every few chapters. And that's probably the worst description you've ever read but yeah I can't be bothered to change it.

quarantining or how quinn might lose it, once for all. (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It starts like the worst horror movie ever but instead of being trapped in the basement of a creepy 50-something year old, Quinn finds herself being trapped in Rachel Berry's basement.

Once More From the Top (T) - 22 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and others - Here's what you missed on Glee: McKinley's Glee Club reformed under the direction of Will Schuester. Rachel tried to recruit the Cheerios but that ended up being a total disaster. It's cool though because she heard Finn Hudson sing in the shower and he's actually really good. She successfully recruits him and now the Glee Club has enough members to be a real thing.And that's what you missed, on Glee!

Outside Hearts (M) - 37 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel Berry's world is about to be turned upside down when one of Hollywood's most sought-after young actresses, Quinn Fabray, abruptly and mysteriously leaves her fame behind, moves to Ohio and tries to have a normal life while attending McKinley High. (Faberry w/ some Brittana)

I See That Ragged Soul Take Flight (M) - 44 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Mike/Tina, Kurt/Blaine and Sam/Mercedes - Ensemble cast piece exploring what happens after Season 3. Rachel, Santana and Kurt are in New York together. Quinn is at Yale. Explores adulthood, friendship and long-distance relationships. Eventual Faberry. Also contains, Brittana, Klaine, Tike and Samcedes content, plotlines back at McKinley, and frequent use of Santana POV.

All The Best (T, but I would rate M for descriptive scenes of suicide, eating disorders, rape, etc.) - 80 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - After spending the entire summer away, Quinn is eager to get back to normal and make the best of her junior year. Excited to put everything behind her and start fresh, she struggles to establish a new normal. But when she's least expecting it, Quinn finds support in the most unlikely places and is forced to confront the very feelings that landed her where she is in the first place.

take these broken wings (M) - 4 Part Series - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Sam - Begins in Season one and follows Quinn through her life should she have chosen to keep Beth, realize she is gay, and fall in love with Rachel Berry. The main romantic relationship will be Faberry, with a bit of Hevans and Brittana, but apart from Faberry it will be very heavy on friendship and Quinn&Beth oriented.

the state of dreaming (T) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel couldn’t help the guilt that bubbled in her chest when she watched Quinn get a prom photo alone. Determined to make it up to her, she invites Quinn over for a sleepover. It becomes a routine. Set immediately after 2x20 (Prom Queen).

Enough to Believe (T) - 2 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Years after Shelby ups and disappears from Lima with Beth, a blonde girl shows up on Rachel and Quinn's doorstep, armed with a lot of questions, and very familiar cheekbones.

you and her loathing this cruel world (M) - 3 Chapters - Pairings: Quinn/Rachel, minor Kurt/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - "Of all the girls he had to have sex with (which really, were none), of course it was someone with a painting of Jesus above her bed, so he knows that his only hope in hell that this will go away is in a negative test result." Season 1 AU; Kurt is pretty sure he's gay, but would like to make sure. Quinn Fabray has similar questions running through her mind. They put their theories to the test, with very much unintended consequences. - sequel

I’ve Been Trying to Reach You (T) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana, Santana/Puck, Rachel/Jesse and Sam/Tina - After falling pregnant in sophomore year, Quinn Fabray plummets from the top of the teen hierarchy at McKinley High to the very bottom. In an effort to give her a chance to start over, her parents transfer her to Carmel, a private school in the area with a blossoming arts program. It's supposed to be a new beginning, but what she doesn't count on is immediately becoming enemies with the most popular girl in school: Rachel Berry, co-captain of Vocal Adrenaline.

The Lopez Manifesto (T) - 8 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - santana starts writing a rachel/quinn fanfic for everyone at McKinley. it’s also extremely popular as everyone awaits her weekly updates. (usually based on what the girls are doing that week.) quinn is the last to find out and is… pissed.

my heart’s a leather jacket I am waiting to give to someone sweet (T) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany is McKinley’s resident broody rebel who doesn’t see much point to high school, and who, completely incidentally, just so happens to be kind of a math genius. Santana is Lima's golden child, the perfect and unapproachable only child of public figure Dr. Lopez. She’s also the high school’s enigma; no one actually knows anything about her aside from the fact that she’s cold, distant, terrifying, aloof, and willing to eviscerate anyone who looks at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for her, Brittany is about to get a crash course in the complete mystery that is Santana Lopez when she is asked—or, more realistically, forced—to be Santana's math tutor.

Dead Girls Don’t Sing (T) - 39 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Kurt/Blaine and Tina/Mike - S3 AU. Brittany doesn't believe in unicorns anymore, Rachel's dreams are as dead as the world, Santana is no one's hero…and Quinn? Quinn's just trying to breathe. The world as they knew it is gone -now all they can do is survive. Zombie Apocalypse. Faberrittana Friendship. Slow Burn Faberry. Character Death. COMPLETE

Simple Parts (T) - 13 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - That awkward moment when you travel thirty years forward in time and find out you're married to your high school nemesis? Yeah, it totally sucks...except...maybe it doesn't.

The Lateness of the Hour (M) - 12 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "Brittany has much less to lose. She always has."

half of me (T) - 4 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - a run-in (quite literally) at the bookstore, two broadway tickets, and a seven-year-old in a plaid catholic-school uniform. what has rachel gotten herself into? future AU where quinn has beth and rachel makes it on broadway.

April Fools (T) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Santana recruits - forces - Rachel to help her prank Quinn. All she has to do is pretend that a love potion has caused her to fall madly in love with the cheerleader. Simple, right? Wrong. Faberry.

Stars & the Moon (M) - 15 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - In the midst of dealing with Beth's adoption, Quinn ends up working on a summer community theatre production with Rachel. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding.

Love Me Any Less (M) - 25 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Junior year becomes the beginning of something no one expected, and maybe the beginning of something a few can't understand how they ever lived without. Starts mild but progresses to M rating. First fic ever! Faberry.

Better Where It’s Wetter (M) - 10 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - Rachel and her dads are going on a LGBT family-friendly cruise for the summer and Rachel's told she's can bring a friend. Who else to bring but Quinn?

Like a Seal Upon Your Heart (M) - 20 Chapters - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana? - Quinn Fabray is Daddy's little girl and the perfect Christian. She CAN'T be gay. But then her friendship with Rachel Berry starts to change...

Somewhere in Brooklyn (M) - 47 Chapters - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana and Brittany have been trying to get pregnant for a year without any luck. What happens when a teenage foster child and positive pregnancy test land in their laps on the same day? A unique journey of motherhood ensues.

Multi-chapter (incomplete/in progress):

Everyone's Gonna Know Now (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - 3/4 in series - When Santana confronted Finn about outing her, his response was, "The whole school already knows." That was pretty much true. This story is about the first moment or incident in which each member of Glee - and a few others - discovered Santana's secret.

Be Okay (M) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - “Kurt doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not as if he and Santana had ever had anything resembling a friendship, but he feels drawn to her, feels connected to the anguish in her voice as she realized that her biggest secret in the world was about to be revealed.“ This is the evolution of Kurt and Santana’s friendship taking place over a series of one-shots.

looks like a girl but she's a flame, so bright she can burn your eyes, better look the other way, you can try but you'll never forget her name (M) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - santana lopez writes down the story of her life for a reunion project set for the glee club by none other than rachel berry. aka, a deep dive into santana's life told through her eyes. very santana/brittana centric.

No One Left to Blame (M, read tags) - 30 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Quinn Fabray is well-versed in keeping the truths of her family and her past firmly hidden away. But, her efforts prove to be moot when Rachel Berry, armed with her own secrets of the past, arrives at Dalton Academy and manages to turn both their worlds upside down - or, perhaps, right way up. Faberry. Trigger Warnings.

I’m not breaking, I won’t take it (M, read warnings) - 2 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor Quinn/Santana - Santana gets up and starts toward her, “Jesus, what happened to you?” she mumbles, but she's softer than she was moment before. It's obvious that she’s concerned. Quinn chokes down a sob and then admits, “There’s something wrong with me.”“Hey, listen. Whatever it is, you’re going to be fine." Santana is still not getting it, but she’s rubbing soothing little circles on Quinn’s shoulders. There really must be something wrong with her too, because then Quinn is lunging forward and then she’s kissing Santana. Quinn feels her freeze, but then Santana relaxes and she’s kissing her back. or, a study in quinn fabray.

no love like your love (T) - 5 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana and Blaine/Sam - Following the death of her mother, Rachel Berry assumes guardianship of her six-year-old brother, Daniel. After a cross-country move for his sister's job, the first friend Danny makes is a soccer-playing, lucky fin having, firecracker of a girl named Beth.

Song of Mine (M) - 18 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana Lopez, the new Music teacher at a religious private school in Indianapolis, meets Brittany Pierce, the resident Math teacher. A love story with a happy ending. Promise.

Girls Over Flowers (NR) - 14 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Santana - Dalton Academy—a school of prestige, refinement and the country's wealthiest students—houses the famous F3. When "commoner" transfer student, Rachel Berry directly offends F3's leader, Quinn Fabray, she becomes their target. Mayhem ensues.

we were built to fall apart (then fall back together) (T) - 8 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - Rachel and Quinn haven't seen each other for seven years and neither thought they'd see the other again. They certainly didn't see themselves starring together in a Broadway musical, as each other's love interests.

A Different Life (E) - 33 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Finn/Rachel and Kurt/Blaine - Canon!Divergent Brittana. Santana and Brittany move to New York after high school. Everything is going perfectly until Brittany gets a phone call that changes everything. Seven years later, Santana has a daughter and she and Britt haven't seen each other...Canon until 3x16ish. No Louisville, no second senior year.

you get too close you’ll get a royalty high (so breathe it in to feel the love) (T) - 9 Chapters (Incomplete) - Pairings: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Sam/Mercedes, Mike/Tina, Kitty/Artie and Kurt/Blaine - "Alright," she began uneasily. "I'll do it. I'll go to the dumb school."Her parent's smiles beaming back at her were almost enough to make her think this could possibly be a good idea, but the nerves surging in her stomach said otherwise. Boarding School/Royalty Brittana AU

One-shot:

Tattoo (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "She soaks it in for a few seconds—this night, this place, these friends, this family room floor, this girl—before she says it back." Post-3x11. Brittana.

Eden (T) - Oneshot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana teach Joe about love. 4K

Riding in Cars With Girls (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - After Quinn quit Glee club and joined a band Rachel feels the gap Quinn has left and sets out to get her back, whatever the cost. But what happens when Quinn's only condition involves her car and Rachel's lips on hers every day at five? Punk!Quinn

and things we’re all too young to know (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Five vignettes set after the point when Brittana become girlfriends. Not too many people would guess it, but Brittany knows that loving Santana is the easiest and best thing in the world to do; Santana is just the best person to love.

My Friends Say That I’m Falling In Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Brittany and Santana spend the week leading up to Valentine's Day giving Mercedes grief about her date. Brittana romance, Brittanacedes friendship. Mouseverse. One-shot.

And What Would You Say If I Wrote the Whole Thing Out for You? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Some things have changed a lot since Sam left McKinley and some things haven’t really changed at all. Set circa 3x08.

The Landslide Brought Me Down (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Our girls’ story. Sweet lady kisses, Landslide, their separation, the night of Prom Queen, Songbird, Santana’s Abuela’s rejection, the night after Santana learned about the political ad, Brittany’s senior year falling apart, the lights of New York, and other scenes.

seven (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - A companion piece to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Takes place after the first scene in the second chapter - can be read separately to 'it's nice to have a friend'. Basically just childhood fluff that examines their friendship and the items they connect to their friendship.

baby you don't gotta fight (i'll be here til the end of time) (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - She sees red for all of last period, a strange twinge of pain in her chest because all these people think they know Santana but they’re all wrong. or: three times Brittany tells people they've got Santana all wrong and the one time she tells Santana

The Unicorn Tapestries (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - We lie on our stomachs on my pale blue sheets, a book lying open in front of us that we bend our heads over, sunlight all over the page and bringing bits of gold out in your skin..

But You Could Sing (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Why am I always the one who tells bedtime stories? Because your stories are prettier, BrittBritt. But you can tell real ones. Like what?

Colors (NR) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - The sunlight in my room shines from the south. The way I know: when I lean far out my window, the sun rises on the side where I can feel my heartbeat, and sets in the direction of my writing hand.

You’re Something Else (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - 'Quinn gets the impression she and Rachel are finally on the same page about what may or may not be happening between them. All she really knows is that it's colourful.'

Raising the Bar (M) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - Quinn never expected that the best matchmaker would turn out to be a lumpy pullout couch.

the one with the friends reference (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn, minor/implied Brittany/Santana and minor/implied Kurt/Blaine - "You can see it. Quinn standing in front of you, as close as she can get without touching you and saying, 'Are you attracted to me?'" Faberry. Post-season six.

Blame it on the Alcohol (or the gay, whatever) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and minor/implied Brittany/Santana - “I can’t believe what you did to my body, I used to have abs!” - In which one sentence is totally incorrect and causes chaos and havoc and Faberry feelings to happen. Also known as drunk Rachel is kyoot and Finn is stoopid.

could you pass in love? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - “'Quinn Fabray, I will divorce you, don’t think I won’t!'” In which Rachel and Quinn get married, sending them into a possibly out-of-character feelings frenzy . Season Three. Faberry.

Do You Wanna Know How This Story Plays Out? (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - It's not her fault that you feel the way you do about women, you know that, and you knew that then, too. But you've been angry at Rachel Berry for making you feel things you wanted to lock away for years, and it was far too easy to put all of the blame on her to avoid dealing with your own feelings. It wasn't and isn't fair, but it was about protecting yourself and it makes it a little easier to bear. - OR - After everything implodes with Finn, Quinn moves in with Rachel. They make out a lot without ever talking about how much more it means to both of them. Introspective Closeted!Quinn POV from second-person.

you succeed at being mine (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Kurt/Sam - Sequel to 'you and her loathing this cruel world'.

This Must Be The Place (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - Santana is eight years old when her Tio Carlos joins the Army. Or the less-cracky-than-you-might-expect Glee/The Losers crossover where Cougar is Santana's uncle. (If it tells you anything, i nearly titled this 'Ohana Means Family.')

This Modern Love (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Brittany/Santana - "How do you know when you're dating someone?"

Beth’s family tree (GA) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - "Now that being said, my family tree is composed by both my biological family and my adoptive family" Beth explains easily enough as she clicks the mouse. But then the next slide appears and the teacher gapes at all the information, names, colours and arrows in the diagram.

pictures of you, pictures of me (hung upon the wall, for the world to see) (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn and Brittany/Santana - "Quinn looked around her room again. She'd never noticed it before, but she had a lot of pictures of Rachel." or: a faberry oneshot set between seasons 1 and 2 where Quinn reflects on a series of moments with Rachel that led to where she is now

anything could happen (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - She stared down at the test in her hand. The line was faint, disappearing depending on the angle. It was possible she was just seeing things, but still. She pulled out her cell phone, tears running down her flushed cheeks. It felt like the earth could open up at any second, just swallow her whole. The line rang. Once, twice, she cursed quietly. She sucked in a breath as she heard a click signifying the call had connected."Hello? Rachel?" Her voice cracked. "Quinn. I need your help." A Faberry-centric rewrite of Rachel's season 4 pregnancy scare

Frannie’s View (T) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - When Frannie was a child she did everything she could to make her father happy. She was a daddy’s girl through and through. She was quiet and never disrespectful. She went to church every Sunday with her mother and father and prayed every night. Frannie had a lot of friends at school and was popular and well liked. She did very well in school though her participation grades were always low. Daddy told her women were supposed to be quiet and always treat their husbands with respect. She was a princess and he was the King. He ruled the house. Frannie absolutely hated the way her father treated her little sister. Frannie desperately tried to change Lucy. She thought if Lucy could be better then their father would be happier, nicer. OR A journey from Frannie's perspective of Lucy/Quinn and Quinn's sexuality and later feelings for Rachel.

According to Judy (PG) - One-shot - Pairings: Rachel/Quinn - How Judy Fabray deals with Quinn's infatuation with Rachel.

[poppytheorist]

American Kids

1. I had “American Kids” on the August list. Sorry for the delay, “I was busy,” “better late than never,” etc. Already straying from my schedule, looks like September is off to a great start! Also, this one’s both dense and obtuse, my bad. Anywho, here are some words:

2. As is typical, let’s gush first: “American Kids” is easily the most thematically interesting song on Bubblebath. The production is also the tightest. I mean, do you hear this instrumental? You know what? I’m just gonna say it: “American Kids” is the best song on Bubblebath.

3. If you take some time to look at the lyrics, you’ll see that “American Kids” is actually a super weird song. Half the lines seem like their own random tangents, so it’s left up to listeners to piece everything together themselves.

4. When listeners are challenged to consider the connections between seemingly unconnected ideas, they are forced out of worn ruts and must instead open themselves up to possible associations they had never considered. Poppy challenges listeners this way all the time.

5. Genius tells me that “American Kids” is Poppy’s take on the ‘blame the millennial’ movement. Partially true, but that omits elements of Poppy’s disenchantment with the world and her struggle to break free of the music industry’s commercializing squeeze.

6. You’re best off analyzing lyrics yourself rather than using Genius. Genius readings are watered-down so they can be easily digested by anybody and everybody. So, they’re usually devoid of anything interesting. See also: fast food, Marvel movies.

7. Perhaps it’s best to think of “American Kids” as Poppy’s worldview presented as a mosaic, with each piece being one of Poppy’s thoughts crystallized in time. Or think of the song as Poppy Splatoon-style painting a picture of her worldview. Whichever analogy works best for you.

8. In “American Kids,” Poppy lays down a foundation for her future work to build off of. By looking at the underlying foundation, we can see how Poppy’s views have changed as she’s matured. “American Kids” lays a lot of groundwork, so it’ll take a bit longer to get through.

9. Since “American Kids” is so random and bizarre, we will first start by picking out specific threads. These are chains of ideas that link together. At the end, we will weave all these threads into one fabric. If your reading is good, each piece should mesh together nicely. If not, then-

10. “American Kids” kicks off with Poppy acknowledging the limitations of her worldview. She knows she is only exposed to specific information (“I live under a rock”), and she only has certain tools to process said information (“with a blacklight”).

11. From these lines we get a sense of Poppy’s self-awareness. She recognizes there is much she doesn't understand. Honestly, this self-aware hedging is pretty refreshing, especially considering the abundance of people these days endlessly blaring opinions that aren’t even theirs to begin with.

12. Poppy’s introspection continues with the line: “I’m a dumb pop star in my own right.” Again, Poppy understands how she appears. This line also relates an element of disgust, almost as if she has been forced to become something she grew up hating.

13. Reinforcing this notion is: “Sold my soul to the man with a handshake.” However, Poppy expresses her determination to still #DoSomething with her platform, to use it for Good (“Lost control but I don’t think it’s too late”). This idea is explored further by “In A Minute.”

14. Poppy also gives us the fun line, “Forever 21 is cool if I make it,” where she expresses the necessary fluidity of a pop star’s values. In such a role, she has to make sacrifices to succeed, like promoting products she doesn’t really believe in. If she doesn’t, someone else will.

15. Later in the song, Poppy mentions: “It never happened like they say.” In what ways do expectations differ from reality? The lines, “Started life at age 15, got ahead with fake IDs,” and “We’re dying young on broadcast news,” provide insight.

16. To even have a chance as a singer, Poppy had to get a headstart on the competition by starting at “age 15” and by finding ways to ‘break the rules’ (“fake IDs”). This adds to the sacrifices necessary to succeed in the ferociously competitive rat-race that is the music industry.

17. Overall, the first verse tells of the compromises Poppy has made to ‘make it’ as a pop-idol, and of the self-dissatisfaction she feels after making said compromises. The second verse expands on these ideas, telling us how she has separated herself from her old life to make her new life possible.

18. Poppy tells of how she has put distance between herself and her parents (“Last time I told mom that “I love you””), how she has given up aspects of her past life (“last time I ate food from a drive-thru”), and how she has abandoned her old possessions (“burned all my shit”).

19. Poppy also explains how she has forsaken her “teen regrets,” referring to them as a “trip wire.” Basically, any old emotional attachments or ‘what-ifs’ would only distract her and slow her down, so out of mind they go.

20. “I think my father might be gay but I don’t know” is a weird line. It does add to the idea of separating from the past, but it may seem odd that Poppy would even be concerned with her father’s sexual orientation, especially if you’re coming from AIAG.

21. This isn’t the first time Poppy touches on this topic. In “Software Upgrade,” there’s the line: “So come on, baby, tell me, are you gay?” If you compare Poppy’s old use of language to her more recent work like AIAG, you can see a clear progression of her views on identity and gender.

22. With the line, “Boys aren’t even boys anymore,” we see a concern with the absence of structure from the dissolution of traditional gender roles, but Poppy’s newer work (notably “Am I A Girl?”) embraces the freedom of increased individuality instead of decrying it.

23. Poppy ties the second verse to the first with lines like: “I should be everything you hate” and “I should be higher now than space but I’m static.” Again, Poppy emphasizes the self-loathing she feels after abandoning her values to succeed as a pop-star.

24. Before the first chorus comes, “Girls, let’s put on all of our clothes,” where Poppy plants the seeds for her later work on the objectification of celebrities. This became Poppy’s most prevalent theme. See: her videos, her fashion appearances, and “Girls In Bikinis.”

25. On the chorus, Poppy reiterates her desire to remain ‘apart’ from American kids these days. She emphasizes her abstinence from using drugs, and says (hilariously) that she doesn’t “care about your party.”

26. Not only does Poppy reject young peoples’ lifestyles, she is baffled by how and why people adopt such vapid and empty lifestyles to begin with (“I just don’t get American kids”).

27. Credit where credit’s due: there’s one interpretation I actually liked from Genius. It’s a reading of the line, “Drugs don’t work like they did for my parents,” where Poppy points out how the use of drugs has changed over time.

28. In the past, drugs used to be used as a mind-expanding substance. Substances that freed the individual. Nowadays, drugs are almost a necessity, a toll for living in modern times. Drugs are now a crutch, a fix to get people through another day of crushing monotony.

29. Sewing time. Picking out associations elicited from the song is important, but anyone can do that. The hard part is tying these associations together into a cohesive whole. We ask ourselves: what is the overarching narrative? What does the bigger picture look like?

30. Consider the meta-narrative of “American Kids.” A self-aware pop star reflects, with a pinch of disgust, on the compromises she’s made to succeed. That she has distanced herself from her peers, her parents, and her past self to ‘make it.’ How would this someone feel?

31. “American Kids” leaves us with a feeling of alienation, of exasperation, of someone who is disenchanted with modern society, yet has been forced to exist within its boundaries to succeed. “Liberty isn’t cheap and it ain’t free.” Huh, guess Poppy’s right.

32. Poppy’s final slash is delivered with: “I’m a millennial, blame it all on me.” It’s easier to point fingers than find solutions. But, in the words of Sum 41: “When we all fall down, who will take the blame?”

33. There’s one last part of “American Kids” I mentioned, but didn’t explain. Remember the instruments? Yeah, turns out those are kinda important. They’re harder to ‘read’ than lyrics, but if you’re analyzing music, it’s folly to ignore them.

34. Throughout “American Kids” are snippets of sound, flurries of voices that seep into the track. As Poppy closes the track, repeating “American kids,” her voice becomes increasingly distorted and muddied by other chatter until her signal is swallowed by a sea of noise.

35. At the end of “American Kids,” the gale of noise abruptly ends and we’re left with a final, echoing cry from Poppy, one that slowly fades into the background. “Is that symbolism?” Yeah, something like that.

[raybansandcoffee]

Adventure of a Lifetime: Chapter Four

You can find the first three chapters of Adventure of a Lifetime HERE. Sorry about the cliffhanger in the last chapter, I’m evil. I know.

*****

Fuck. How do I answer this? It's the dreaded moment I've faced doing this whole thing alone since we moved here. It's why I hated the Mommy groups. It's why I got awkward and abandoned the playdates. I didn't know where to even begin when answering this. I could lie, say that he was in LA and he saw the kids when he could. No one here would know. I could tell the truth but then I'd have to deal with all of them making that sad face everyone has been making at me for the last year.

"Umm..."

"You don't have to answer that. I get it. Single parenthood is awkward and people think that they can just ask every inappropriate and awkward question. I was out of line."

"You weren't. It's just a hard question to answer and something that honestly I haven't discussed with a single person since I moved here. We moved here in a really quick manner. And I haven't even felt okay opening up to anyone about it. But it's okay. I need to. It's been 342 days. It's time to feel okay talking about it. The kids had a wonderful Dad. One of the greatest people I've ever met. He was kind and funny and he loved them endlessly." I took a deep breath. "And their Mom. She was my soulmate. We did everything together. She was probably the most incredible human that ever existed. She knew just how to make you feel settled and safe in any situation, which was great because I'm anxious all the time. She loved being a Mom more than anything and she was the happiest I'd ever seen her." I remembered watching them walk out the door of my condo after dropping off the kids with me. They were so in love and ready to go celebrate their anniversary. The image of them kissing as the elevator across from my door closed is burned into my mind. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and quickly tried to brush it away. As he did every morning Axel reached his hands out and put them on my cheeks. "The kids aren't biologically mine. I was Ellie's godmother and just crazy Auntie Charlie with her cats. Until July 1st last year at 2:08 in the morning. My best friend and her husband died. They had been out celebrating their anniversary and surviving the first three weeks of parenting both of these babies. They got home and walked in on a home invasion in progress. The police told me that they died instantly so I at least feel okay that they weren't in pain for long. And honestly, that night was the happiest I'd seen them since their wedding night."

"Holy shit. I'm sorry. That is terrible. You really didn't have to tell me that if you didn't want to."

"It's okay. It's actually a bit of a relief. I haven't talked about Sam with anyone other than my family, our third musketeer Alex, or Sam's parents. They live in Reno, it's why I moved here. I wanted the kids to grow up close to some of their biological family. Sam and her husband Michael were both only children and his parents had both passed away."

"So from no desire to have kids to raising your best friends' two kids in an instant."

"Yup. I was babysitting the kids that night. We didn't want them to go back to the house and I couldn't have them in my one-bedroom condo for long. Alex and I sat down with Sam's Mom and Dad to go through the will and both of the kids came to me. I'd agreed to it offhand at one point when Sam was pregnant with Ellie and was serious about it but never imagined it would actually happen. You don't actually think something will happen to them both at the same time. Like maybe one of them but the other one would still be around. But I lost them both in one night and gained the kids."

"You are an incredible friend. For them to have selected you to be the guardian for the kids is a big deal."

"Yeah, I am constantly afraid I'm failing and that ghost Sam is going to pop up and yell at me for something like not giving her kid enough cake, she had a sweet-tooth. She also would totally haunt my ass if that was a thing. She was my writing partner. We knew the way the other person's brain worked."

"Writing partner?"

"Yeah, we met at USC at orientation. Turns out we had the same major. We went through undergrad and grad school at USC together. We write film scores. Or I guess I write film scores. Or I used to. In the last year, I've done the score for two short films but I'm in the process of doing my first full score without Sam which is weird."

"So how did you get from LA to here?"

"Like I mentioned Sam's Mom and Dad live in Reno. Our house was she and Michael's vacation home. The house we live in was theirs. Their will left a trust for me to take care of the kids, pay for their schooling, and cover our living expenses. With Sam having grown up in Reno they wanted to get a vacation home near her parents. They bought the place here shortly after they got married. The intention was to eventually make it their permanent home. With both of their work, they'd just to go LA whenever they needed to or Michael would be off wherever his current project was. The apartment above the garage was meant for me. Michael was convinced from the moment he met me that I was Peter Pan." I laughed remembering the first time he told me this. He was so serious about it and didn't break until the very end when he threw glitter on me like it was pixie dust and screamed at me to FLY! "I was never growing up and he wanted to make sure I always had a roof over my head if I needed it and a space for Sam and me to work together when we needed it. The house is way too big for the four of us living there right now. Having my little brother here for a while will help the house feel more alive."

"I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this but from what I've observed of Ellie and just today watching you with both of them, you've taken to motherhood well."

"Thank you. It was an awkward start. Never expecting to have kids and suddenly having an infant and a kid getting ready to start school was the biggest life change I could've imagined. Doing it not only alone but without my best friend made it even harder."

"Did they ever find who did it?"

"They did. His trial actually starts this summer. I'm trying to decide if I'm going back for the whole trial or if it's healthier for me to stay here. I've been working with the prosecutor back in LA. They want me there for a victim impact statement to speak on behalf of the kids. They've given me the option of doing it through a pre-recorded video or through a letter. I just worry about taking the kids back to LA because we don't really have anywhere to stay. I still have my place but I don't have anywhere to take them that will fit all of us comfortably."

"Did you sell their house?" I nodded.

"I did. Well, as soon as the LAPD was done with it. The trust they left would've only covered one of the properties. I couldn't imagine living in LA in that house. It was hard enough going in there to get the kids things. I needed to be able to take care of them so I had to go when it was still a crime scene. Honestly, it's an image I'm never going to be able to get out of my head. It was one of the most horrific things I've ever seen. They both worked in the film industry so we are fairly certain it wasn't a random home invasion but that they were targeted. I knew in my heart that Sam and Michael would've wanted the kids to be here and close to Sam's parents."

"That makes complete sense. I don't know that I could imagine living in a house with that kind of history. Especially with the kids. You have to do your best to take care of them. Do you get back to LA often?"

"I've been back to LA on my own when they take the kids for a long weekend or something. We all went to Stanford a couple of weeks ago to see Tony graduate from college. But I haven't taken the kids back to LA. I mean Ellie knows that Mommy and Daddy are gone and never coming back. We told her that a very bad man took them from us but they are safe now. I'll tell her the whole story at some point but at 5 she didn't need that. Axel won't have a single memory of his parents. I'm the only Mom this kid will ever remember." I hugged him tightly to my chest. "Someday I'll take them back there. Show them the places that mean the most. The place where their father proposed to their mother. The studio she and I practically lived in. Where they got married. But for now, this is home. Sam's parents opted to have them cremated so there's not a grave there to go visit which makes it a bit easier. We are having a memorial for them here at the end of the month to spread their ashes. Alex and her family are coming out along with my sister and her family. We are going to do exactly what Sam would want which is celebrate them. The memorial service when they died, she would've fuckin' hated it. I was too much of a mess to do anything for it really and so was Alex. Sam's parents weren't in LA when we needed to start planning it so my mother took over. I love my Mom but she's a mess, she's rarely even in LA anymore so it was weird. She planned something so opposite of Sam that honestly if she'd attended her own funeral she would've laughed her ass off at it. I did manage to get the ability to play a song the two of us wrote together for their wedding. I hadn't sung it since that day. I barely made it through but I did it. Sorry, I'm rambling. Outside of family and Alex, I haven't talked about Sam in a year. You opened the flood gates evidently."

"It's okay. Grief does weird things to us. You're doing a great job. If you want to keep talking about Sam you can."

"No, she'd yell at me for crying about her. Especially when I'm supposed to be making a new friend and playing with the kids. So tell me about you. What do you do for fun? I mean your life can't all be acting."

"It's not, that's for sure. When I bought this place it meant I had some projects to do, I spend time without Eva doing that. I'm also a musician."

"I noticed the baby grand. Living in LA I walked into a LOT of homes where that was purely for show but I figured that wasn't the case here."

"No, it's not. I am actually getting ready to go finish filming the last of stuff for the next Avengers movie before too long and I'm working on a film soundtrack actually."

"A film soundtrack, huh?"

"Yeah, I've voiced a character in an animated film and they are letting me do the music for it," he said. "Finally something all the kids in my life can see."

"That's freaking awesome. I'm just going to tell you, working on music for a film is one of the greatest feelings. I mean I write other music. But crafting the sound and then sitting in a theater and watching how my music gets integrated into a film is just an incredibly special feeling. You're going to have this almost otherworldly experience when you see the finished product with an audience. It's the greatest feeling in the world."

"I'm excited to understand that better." He smiled at me. "Looks like the Axe Man was tired." I looked down to see my little guy asleep with his head on my chest.

"Yeah. Thankfully this kid finally figured out how to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. I occasionally get a full night of sleep these days."

"As much as I want more kids I don't miss the middle of the night feedings, the sleep regression, the teething."

"Fuck it's a nightmare I never prepared for adequately."

"Mom! Are you getting the in the pool with us?" Ellie called.

"I will in a minute Ellie Bellie. I gotta get the Axe Man somewhere that he can sleep."

"I set up the pack and play that's still hanging around here in the bedroom down here. I also grabbed the old baby monitor I had so we can take it outside with us." Jeremy stood up and came over to take Axel from my arms where he was laying on my chest while I laid on a lounger. Once I stood up he led me through the house as I grabbed the bag of stuff for Axel. Jeremy gently laid Axel into the pack and play while I found the things I knew soothed him back to sleep if he woke up mid-nap. I kissed my fingers and pressed them against his forehead. "Ellie calls you Mom."

"She does. That was her choice. We talked about it for a while. I'd always been Auntie Charlie. When she started school she got anxious about the whole 'living with her Aunt thing'. I am their legal guardian and she knows she can still call me Charlie, she does sometimes. But the Mom thing is becoming more common, I think she wants to feel like the girls in school with her. It makes me happy and sad all at once."

"I'd imagine." He turned on the baby monitor and we left the room so Axel could sleep. "Alright, girls are the parents allowed in the pool now?"

"Yes, Daddy," Ava replied. I took my dress off and went to climb in the water. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Jeremy pull his shirt off. I felt the breath catch in my lungs. I needed to remind myself that I was here for Ellie and not to drool over Ava's Dad all day. I headed to the stairs and entered most of the way before going completely under and swimming up right under Ellie picking her up on my shoulders. She squealed with delight. Her hands grabbed onto my head as she bent over to look into my eyes.

"I am having so much fun," she said quietly to me.

"I'm so glad Ellie Bellie. You deserve to have fun." I watched as Jeremy ran and jumped over Ava and into the pool. He splashed all of us and what followed was the sweetest sound in the world. Loud, roaring laughter from the girls. I held my breath and sunk down into the water letting Ellie get off of my shoulders. Jeremy came up underneath Ava lifting her up and throwing her a bit further into the water. Her laughter climbed louder and turned to a scream.

"Ava Berlin Renner, I'm coming to get you," Jeremy declared as he started to swim towards his daughter who was still giggle-screaming and trying to swim away from her dad. It was far too cute to watch. They shared so much joy between them and it was so visible. Even in the brief time I'd spent with them today, I could tell that they loved each other more than anything and that love was the easiest thing they'd ever done. That joy, laughter, and happiness were the tone of this house and their lives. Life wasn't always filled with joy and laughter for us. Most of the time it was filled with laughter that came from tears or lead to tears. I was watching these two beautiful humans that were now mine grow and knowing that the two most important people in their lives were missing out on the first steps, the first day of school, and would miss every other first and major life moment. I felt guilty every day for loving this role I was given because the circumstances were shitty and honestly, I'd never wanted this roll. It felt horrible to enjoy motherhood when it wasn't really mine. It was stolen from my best friend whose entire goal in life had been to be a mother and mine had been to make music that inspired people, set the scene for the greatest shot of a director or actors lifetime and changed the way people looked at female composers. I took a deep breath before hugging Ellery close to me.

"I love you, Ellie Bellie." I kissed her temple.

"I love you too, Mom." The tears that were burning the back of my eyes had clearly become visible. "Please don't cry. Today is going to be the best day ever."

"I know baby girl. I just don't want you to feel like today you have to say, Mom. Ava's Daddy knows."

"You are my Mom." God I hated how grown up this little girl had been forced to be. I kissed her again before looking her deep in the eyes.

"Do you remember that backflip we practiced last summer?" She nodded excitedly. "Want to try it?"

"Yes!!" I grabbed her two little feet in my hands as she put her hands on my shoulders. She bent forward, pressing her forehead against mine.

"Are you ready?" She nodded. "On the count of three. One...two...three." She plugged her nose as I pushed her feet out of the water sending her up into the air and watched as she started to tilt, tucking her knees to her chest and doing a backflip.

"Whoa!" Ava yelled as Ellie came out of the water. "That was so cool. Where did you learn that?"

"My Mom and I practiced last summer at my old house. We don't have a pool here so we haven't tried in a while."

"You did so great!" I said as I high-fived her.

"That was so cool, Ellie," Jeremy said as he also high-fived her. She was pretty proud of herself. The girls started to goof around with Jeremy as I floated on my back for a little while. Their laughter slightly being drowned out by the water. I felt relaxed, weightless, and like if I tried hard enough I could fall asleep like this until I felt my watch buzz on my wrist. I held it up in the air as the little green text bubble appeared with my brother's name below it.

I'm losing my mind. I'm packing my car and leaving today. Is that ok?

"Crap," I said out loud. I flipped over and swam to the edge climbing out of the pool and walking over to my cell phone. I knew texting him back would be useless so I called.

"Hey sis," he answered.

"What's going on, Tony?"

"I just can't take it. They don't understand the pressure they are putting on me. I'm going to crack if I don't leave. I got up this morning to Mom on the patio with one of her 'old friends.' It was that crazy bitch whose husband is on the Board of Trustees at Harvard. I was ambushed with talk of law school and my future and I just can't take it. I haven't really bothered unpacking since I got back from school so I'm just loading everything into my car and coming out. That's okay right?"

"It's fine but are you sure this is what you want? My life isn't what it used to be like, T."

"I know. You have the kids. You're doing the music stuff on your own. You and Savannah could honestly use my help."

"You can stay at my condo if that is a better plan for you."

"It's not," he replied. "I stayed there last weekend. She showed up Sunday morning at 7:30 to pick me up for church. Since when does my mother go to church?"

"I don't know. Probably since I became a mother. Her technically being a grandmother of five terrifies her. I also bet it was just so she could see if you were living in my drug den because you know your mother thinks I'm a drug addict or something."

"You're one of the most responsible people I know. But honestly, I can't do it. I can't be in the same city as her. Especially when Dad is as busy as he is right now. She's everywhere. I need out."

"Just drive careful. It's not a horrible drive but it's long to do alone. I've done it enough to know that. Also, there are a few good places to stop on the road and some to avoid. I'll send you the cheat sheet I have saved on my phone. Oh, and what do you want for dinner?"

"Well, I want Grandma's meatballs but I know you can't make that today."

"I can make it tomorrow. How does pizza sound tonight? Your niece and nephew are counting on pizza."

"Sounds perfect."

"Send me updates, be safe, and I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight, sis. Love you."

"Love you too, T." I hung up the phone and slumped down onto the lounger I'd been sitting on earlier.

"Everything okay?" Jeremy called from the pool.

"Yeah, just not sure we'll be able to stay as long as we planned."

"What's up?" he asked as I walked back towards the pool and sat down on the side so I could text my brother the list I told him I'd send.

"So I was evidently right and my brother had tried staying at my place. His Mom appeared in my condo at 7:30 Sunday morning to take him to church, no one in our family is overtly religious. Then this morning at their house she ambushed him with a friend of hers whose husband is on the Board of Trustees at Harvard about law school and his future. So he's currently throwing everything in his car and leaving LA to come here now. He wasn't supposed to come until next week. The studio apartment above the garage is so not ready for my brother to move in."

"Well how about we stay and have fun for a while longer here and then Ava and I can go to your place with you and I can help. Savannah can watch all of the kids and we can get your brother moved in safely and feed the munchkins pizza for dinner at your place."

"You're serious?" He nodded. "You're amazing. Thank you. I'm not sure what all he's bringing or that he wants the apartment but I feel like the studio apartment above the garage is the best plan. I mean honestly, it's my favorite part of the house." I laughed a little bit.

"It was supposed to be your Peter Pan dream home so I get it. How long do you think it will take?"

"Not long. I just need to essentially clean it a bit as it's probably covered in dust and wash the sheets. I don't even remember the last time someone stayed in it. It was probably me. It was also maybe my sister. Frankie got freaked out when I moved, she thought I should sell both houses and move near her so me moving 8ish hours away didn't go over well. I also now win the war of who has the coolest house and that annoys her to no end."

"That's actually kind of funny. Where does she live?"

"Venice, on a canal. The cutest house ever really. But she is like a 3-minute kayak ride from where our mother lives when she's actually back in town so it would not have worked for me. Living near them both would've made me crazy. My Dad and Step-Mom are in Santa Monica. So my family is all on the beach which is really nice for trips home."

"Sounds like it. I totally had your stepmom pegged for Malibu though." I started to laugh really loudly.

"Funny story, when they sold the house in Beverly Hills that I grew up in my stepmom BEGGED my Dad to move to Malibu. He was not willing to make that commute every day so she got to pick from Santa Monica, Venice or Marina Del Rey if she wanted water. He tried to downsize into a condo in downtown LA but that wasn't gonna happen. So they are right on the beach, have a pool and all of that fun stuff. It's a great house. It truly is and even though it's way too big for the people in our family that live there Mandi has clearly figured out how to make Tony batshit crazy." I pulled up the text message that Tony had just sent me. He'd clearly packed his car in record time to get out of there before he went completely bonkers. I couldn't blame him but I also hoped he didn't get here and in a week hate it because I wasn't going to wait on him hand and foot while making sure he was constantly entertained. I nannied for him a few summers when he was a kid so it's not surprising that he thinks I'm just there to have fun but truly I need to be an adult on occasion and my brother was horrible at encouraging that behavior.

ON THE ROAD!

Be careful. We will see you in a few hours!

"You guys are gonna be okay. If your brother starts to go stir crazy just send him over here. I can put him to work on some of my projects."

"I don't think Tony understands the concept of manual labor. He's never had to have a job. He worked in school at a bar because he could pick up girls that way." I laughed as I rolled my eyes. "His Mom still doesn't know that. He's a genius. By far the smartest one of all of us. Law School has always been what everyone expected from him but I think he'd rather do something completely different. He's an incredible musician, a great writer. When he was in high school he was a giant science nerd and I fully expected him to become a doctor or some shit. I think he wants to work in journalism or politics based on what he studied in school but our Dad definitely thinks he double majored in Communications and Public Policy to go into First Amendment Law. I mean Dad would be proud if someday he ended up in politics but the Law School things would be a requirement first, or at least the smart decision. It's all ridiculous. I mean my sister runs a non-profit and I'm a musician. While we both make a really great living we were allowed to choose our own path. Tony has the pressure of carrying on the family name and legacy."

"Law is the family legacy?" Jeremy asked. He was resting his arms on the side of the pool next to me. I hadn't had this kind of conversation with anyone in a long time.

"It is. Our great-grandfather founded Dad's law firm and Tony would be the fourth generation there. There had been some pressure on Frankie and me for a while. She met her husband in college and thankfully he was headed to law school so Dad got his fix by having his son-in-law as part of the firm. My senior year in high school I thought I'd just buckle under the pressure and follow in his footsteps. But when I had my senior recital for piano my Dad told me he wasn't going to allow me to do anything but follow my heart. I think that the fact that I'd written the score for a short film a few friends did help too. I wasn't going to follow my dreams in the back of a van on tour but follow them through film made him happy. I caught the bug for it young. We had a theater room in the house and I'd spend every weekend watching movies and trying to figure out how to play the music on my piano. Eventually, he had to set rules that I had to spend a certain amount of time outside so I didn't just sit in that theater for days on end, especially during school breaks. I was way too young to be watching most of them but it was the thing that made me happiest."

"That's really cool. I had no idea what I wanted to do, even in college. I loved music and was in a band in high school but I never saw that as an actual future, it was just something fun to do. I was studying computer science and criminology when I took my first drama class and caught the bug. I'm almost jealous that you knew so young what you wanted to do. "

"It's nice but I also never did anything else. I loved swimming. I should've done things like join the swim team but that would've taken me away from music. Being a hyper-focused kid was nice because there was no question of what my future would be but I missed out on so much. I want to make sure that doesn't happen to the babies. I need to start getting my shit together. I'm a year into this now, there are no excuses for this anymore. Like Ellie should've been in dance during the school year but by the time I found a place that didn't seem sketchy I was too late to sign her up. I've been teaching her piano for like 8 months now but she has so much more personality than I have ever had. She's way cooler than me."

"You're pretty cool," Jeremy said through a bit of laughter.

"Her Mom was seriously the coolest though. God, one of my favorite things about Sam was that we had this pretty big premiere for a film we'd done the score for. I sent her the photo of the dress I'd decided to wear. The night of the premiere arrived, the car was picking she and Michael up first and then coming to get me. I had done an entire afternoon with a fucking glam squad, totally out of my element. Get down to the car, there she is, with her head sticking out the sunroof in my dress. She bought the black and gold version of the black and silver dress I had. We walked the red carpet in a matching dress." I pulled up the photo on my phone and turned it to show Jeremy.

"That's amazing." He took the phone from my hand to look at both of the pictures that I'd pulled up for him. "She's very beautiful, I can see her in Ellie."

"Spitting image. It's almost creepy but it's wonderful."

"Well, you both look absolutely beautiful in those photos. You both look so happy. Maybe I'll have to creep your IMDB and watch a few of the films you've done the score for." I laughed.

"Ask first, some of them aren't great and some of them are literally impossible to find...unless you're in my basement theater. I don't have a career that's as accessible as yours."

"Well then maybe we will need to have a movie night. I'd love to be able to see your work."

**********

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Developing the story of how Charlie became a mother was something that was hard for me. I debated back and forth about all of it. Trying to decide the traumatic event that led to the loss she's experienced and the new role in life she has. I had a few ideas that I tossed around but the reality was, for Charlie to become the guardian of both of Sam's children it couldn't be just Sam that was gone. There were so many possibilities, I settled with this version because while it is traumatic it didn't involve any domestic abuse, which was something I wasn't comfortable telling the story of in this setting.

Losing Sam was one of the hardest experiences of Charlie's life for a multitude of reasons. She lost her creative partner, her business partner, her best friend, and became a Mom all in the blink of an eye. She'd never prepared to be a parent and was an insta-mom to a 4-year-old that wanted to know where her Mommy and Daddy were and a baby that wasn't even a month old. Add in that she opted to move the children out of Los Angeles for their own privacy and security even though it wasn't the best option for her personally. She immediately knew to put those babies first.

For Jeremy to allow her to open up about this trauma and let her talk through it shows how kind and good he is. Grief is a different process for everyone who experiences it. For Charlie she still deals with the trauma every day and needed to find someone to talk to about it. Finding that in Jeremy is something she feels so lucky for.

I also can't wait for everyone to meet Tony! I love the idea of him being around the house to help his sister, be part of the kids' lives, and try to find his way in the world all at once. Developing Tony is so fun because he's still fairly bright and shiny, he's not dark and twisty like Charlie.

I hope you are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it.

xx. AM

[livingthe-lexi-life]

╰ ☀ ✧ ˖ BAE SUZY. FEMALE. SHE/HER. ‖ BIGGEST REGRET, LOVING WHO I SHOULDN’T ‖ have you seen ALEXIS ‘LEXI’ PARK at the beach recently? i remember them being so CHARMING, but they seemed a little SELF-DESTRUCTIVE today. it must be tough going through such hard times at only TWENTY-TWO. even then, they still remind me of BAREFOOT WALKS ON THE BEACH IN A WHITE DRESS, CHAMPAGNE, HORROR MOVIES ON RAINY DAYS, MIDNIGHT PIZZA, AND SPONTANEOUS KISSES.

hello friends, I am so ready for plotting so hit me up on discord or IMs here to plot. Wanted connections at the end. SORRY FOR THE PARAGRAPHS but plis read. I’m just so shitty at listing things.

Alexis ‘Lexi’ Park (Blythe) Age: 22 Birthday: February 27 (Pisces) Orientation: Hetero O1 ━◞ FAMILY - Alexis Park had been Alexis Blythe up until she turned 18 when she legally changed her last name back to her original Korean surname as a huge ass fuck you to her adoptive parents. Her mother had left her in front of a massage parlour in the Gangnam district hoping somebody would pick her up. The government did and she was effectively orphaned. Adopted by a big-shot politican and his trust-fund socialite wife when she was a baby, Lexi never knew why they had chosen to adopt from Korea. Maybe they had just wanted the picture perfect family even though they couldn’t, or rather her father couldn’t. Maybe they wanted to show how progressive and altruistic they were. Nevertheless, Lexi only remembers being raised by the nanny, watching Disney movies, and seeing her parents when they needed her to act her part in the long-standing Blythe political legacy of senators and congressmen. Last she had heard of her father, Alexander Duke Blythe was looking to be the next presidential candidate. O2 ━◞ CAREER - Attention-deprived, and raised in Los Angeles, it only made sense for Lexi to pursue a career to famehood through acting. Broadway, singing, dance and acting classes were part of her busy schedule growing up. She had never held a knack for subjects like math or literature (basically she wasn’t the brightest academic), but the dramatic arts came to her naturally. Instead of going to university, she worked as an extra at 17 before finally catching a break at 19 as a minor character. Appealing to the audiences as the ‘sweet and innocent’ trope, she began to take on more movie roles. The nickname going around Hollywood translated into “America’s Angel”. The problem with being forced into a trope was she rarely got roles past the secondary or tertiary characters. Having been a solid B-lister for the past 5 years, Lexi has recently been trying to take on more sensual and provocative roles. Because everyone knows the key to stardom is for everyone to watch you sleep around in theatres. Her last movie, He Said She Said was a rom-com that crashed and burned, but the newest blockbuster coming out may just be a movie for the charts. O3 ━◞ PERSONALITY - PISCES - Don’t get her wrong. She cares deeply for her friends. They’re the family she doesn’t feel that she has. Her crew is always surprised she’s not a total diva and is usually just an outgoing and (for the most part) amiable girl. Whether in the way she walks or smiles, she does have a little bit of that superstar formula that draws people in. It’s just her little self-destructive tendencies and obsession for finding love that gets her into trouble. Empty family life pushed Lexi to dream of her future family and Prince Charming. When she isn’t thinking of movie scripts, she is wondering when her life will turn into a rom-com. Sometimes she loses track of reality in her naivete and desperation. O4 ━◞ SCANDAL - A year ago, she met one of her father’s colleagues. One of the youngest Senators ever from California. Young and naive, she was head over heels in love. He swore that he would break up with his wife and that he didn’t love her anymore. As things go, the senator’s wife discovered their affair through a private investigator. Holding the photos over head, she threatened Lexi that she would ruin the Senator’s reputation unless Lexi stayed away from her husband. To tend to her broken heart and avoid blowing up both Lexi’s and the senator’s careers, her manager sent her to Palm Beach, Florida to lay low and film a tv show until things can boil over for the last half a year. O5 ━◞ QUIRKS - Lexi really likes to eat - everything and anything. In fact, for a striving starlet, she really likes fast food like hamburgers and pizza far too much. In response, she is up early doing some sort of physical activity as a semi-guilty ritual. She basically can’t go through the day without exercising because she’s so anxious about her appearance and her extreme love for food. O6 ━◞ LIKES - ♕ food tbh ♕ pornstars (the drink) ♕ cream earl grey tea ♕ anything fruity ♕ Zombie apocalypse and horror shows/movies O6 ━◞ WANTED CONNECTIONS - ♕ all the besties and friends ♕ her one true soul sister, the one she turns to when she’s having the worst fucking day and someone she can ride and die for ♕ all that love ships/maybe kind of a rebound/maybe more ♕ someone who knew her ex or even of the scandal in some way///or or or or someone lexi got really drunk with and accidentally ugly cried to about her being a mistress ♕ an ex maybe, maybe when she was first trying to become an actress? ♕ or someone she has slept around with/is sleeping around with ♕ a fan of her movies/tv shows!? ♕ roommate(s) ♕ early morning workout buddies ♕ someone she has worked with in the industry before like fellow celebs/crew/photographers/filmographers/etc/etc?

[vividlytalentless]

The Yielding.

When I first decided to write, I wrote solely with the use of my mind. I spent restless hours, strenuously choosing each word, trying to perfect so hard, that I always ended up with a white page instead. I reached the point where I wondered why am I even doing this? A true writer would never be this burdened.

Now I stand corrected, almost all writers struggle to write sometimes. However, I wasn't writing properly, look writing isn't just about enlightening, sharing ideas or raising debates. Writing itself is a primitive sacred craft, an art made for empathy, to convey the emotions of one heart to another. Thus I've learned to bleed what my broken soul has failed to utter, I've let blank pages absorb my sentiments, encapsulating them for my small circle to read.

So maybe now when I can truly write with my soul and mind, I'll be able to speak with the never-existing you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've never felt that it's my right to choose your name, however, a day might come when my heart gets a human form; a day when I'm obliged to name you, I'll then call you Athena. After the Greek goddess of strategic war, wisdom and poetry, a goddess born wearing a battle armor, Just as the one your graceful soul will have on; you'll learn as tomorrows passes by that life can't wait to break you down, but I'm certain that you, my sweet little angel, you'll be born beautifully prepared.

I promise that I'll always be your Mediterranean, cause no Alexandrian is really ever lost by the sea. As Mays fade into Junes, I'll be by your side, watching with pride, as your baby steps grow into the choices that'll form who you truly are. I'll help you forge a spirit so irregular, that the world could never fit you in its mold. When your heart is so heavy it could form a black hole, sucking all the expressions on the tip of your tongue, I'll bring you my very first fountain pen, and show you how it's done.

If the time arrives, when you come to me with those winsome wide eyes, that just can't get enough of the world asking me, daddy where's Atlantis? I'll take this question as a symbol of acceptance, an allowance to reach out for your psyche, grabbing it closer to mine.

Baby, I'll tell you, your father spent years exploring minds, learning how to perfectly accept and understand. Trust me I'll always be a judge-free zone, forever ready to hear and love whatever thoughts you throw at me. I'll come knocking on your door, showing you that no mood late-night talks can't improve; we'll watch the stars, talking about philosophy and poetry, discussing our existential crises and dilemmas.

I'll teach you everything I've learned about life and humans.

This world is like a bag of sour candy, its bitterness is just an emphasis on the sweetness underneath, so don't you ever fear grabbing a handful. Listen every story in life come in threes, a beginning, a middle and an end, and your story will be a bestseller. Just promise me that you'll never run away from the endings, cause everything that'll pass by no matter how painful it is, is an experience worth living; endings are the water to your soil, ensuring you embark on growing with wisdom and strength.

Sweetheart never stop observing the world, watch caterpillars turn into butterflies, learn that the periphery of a phase, is far away from your demise.

Also keep in mind that solitude is a sweet poison, a toxic desire lurking in every tainted system. You should know that we humans are social creatures, we're most comfortable connected, sharing genuine strong emotions and stories.

Always cherish the holy miracle of true friendship, I'll be honest not all friendships will last forever, and losing friends are the worst type of heartbreaks. However, there's nothing time and ice-cream won't heal. Live your life wearing this big mellow heart on your sleeves, unshackle your soul from your overthinking brain, take risks and don't ever feel afraid from falling in love with people's minds.

My young Amazonian, I know that you'll be born a warrior, a superheroine trying to fix everyone's world. Believe me, I know how hard it is to watch the hearts you care for aching, but there's pain that your hugs just can't fix; sometimes no matter what you do, you cant catch all the pain you want to mend, and you'll only end up with grievous wounds exactly like the ones on my chest.

Yet I know that nothing I'm going to say, will ever stop you from doing what feels right, so here are a few tips. The secret of gaining trust is for you to actually trust first, but never EVER give anyone leverage, it's foolish to assume that all mangos are sweet. Also, don't be wasteful with your words, repetition murders the resolution in your voice, all your heartening will morph into disheartening; think of one's heart as a bucket of water, each word is a drop till it's completely full, and from there each extra word is just a meaningless spill.

My perfect storm, listen to me no matter what they'll tell you our religion is, says or enforce, don't believe it, our religion states nothing against humanity. Following our religion exclusively means that we are a work in progress towards the greater good, and that should forever be your only conviction.

Don't you ever blindly trust what you're told, at no time ever accept that ignorance is a blessing. Wander to the deepest parts of your mind, craft your ideologies, form your own identity. Become your intellect's epitome, weaponize the way you think, love and accept the person hiding at the very back of your mind.

Yet take care, our brain is too smart for our own good. Going through life with chronic overthinking only paves the road to desolation; sometimes all you need is to just lose inhibition, letting your heart get carried away, for the tip of your tongue to taste some of the sweetness of life.

So always approach your thoughts with a big sturdy heart, and that's exactly where you should place your soul, on the fine borderline between your heart and mind. Not detained and tormented by your thoughts, neither fragile and irrational under your emotions command. Your soul should be the intertwining of your feelings and thoughts, creating the heavenly relative being that is you!

My youthful goddess of wisdom, If the time comes when you're here, and you're nothing like my words, nothing like how my mind personified you; even if our hugs screamed disparity, each glimpse of you would still fill my tongue with endearments. No matter who you'll turn out to be, you'll always dwell in the deepest parts of my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

To the purest soul that'll never to exist.

Our society is a parasitic blight that feeds on idiocy; grows on corruption; breeds indifference and defies simple peculiarities.

It'll savagely deny your orientation, identity and ideologies, in the name of its own false religion. It has mastered the art of deception for so long now, It'll herd us like a flock of sheep, carving each one of us into the embodiment of ignorance.

Yet, most importantly our society is also a tainted he, an irrational spoiled male that fear equality, repudiating your rights in the challenge of life. He'll claim possession over your own virginity, he'll cut and modify your very own body, as if ruination is his birthright. He'll harras the life out of the one organ system different body, that your soul didn't even choose to live in. Crimes committed against you, will simply be absolved, cause your screams just weren't loud enough.

Sexists exist throughout my gender's history, and they still do, causing nothing but pain and agony; like an anaconda holding its prey, they'll squeeze the youth out of the virtuous souls.

~~~~~~~~~~

To the never-existing you.

As long as I can remember, I was a two-headed coin that'll never balance on its side. Gray was the abomination my eyes were never able to see. Genuineness was always my primary emotion. I've always lived in the certitude of the edges, no almosts no maybes, go hard or go home.

I also learned to love living this way, a being that loathes intermediates. Yet something as majestic as you are, is a might, an if, a beautiful wavering thought afar from absolute.

They say:

" " فاقد الشيء لا يعطيه

Maybe in a physical world this saying is correct, however, on the psychological level, I believe it's quite the opposite. For so long now I had a fatherly soul in me, a psyche well recognized and experienced by everyone I've loved.

But going through life, I've grown distant from this spirit. I became a perfect blend of failures that I'm too weak to endure, my mind became a horrid mess, I'm a wretched lunatic embodying lucidity. I've grown inwards, my hands can only form fists, I can't shake hands through life anymore. I've accepted frustration, it turned into anger, then I foolishly revered anger; now my soul is on fire, my heart morphed into a furnace, fueled by fury, forging impulsiveness.

My sweet never-will-be-born daughter, my legs just can't walk the road leading to you anymore. I might just be covered by the society's dust, a tarnished male denying your opportunity to live. However, I surely know that what I became, isn't good enough for you; my heart is now an atheist, incapable of worshipping the goddess you are.

I'm well aware that I'm still young, but right now you're so far away from approaching certainty.

My yielding fatherly soul.

[lexis-lexica]

hello hello friends. I’m mina and I am so ready for plotting so hit me up on discord or DM here to plot, or like this post and imma come to you. SORRY FOR THE PARAGRAPHS. I’m just so shitty at listing things. [ BAE SUZY & FEMALE & SHE/HER. ] that, right there, is [ ALEXIS ‘LEXI’ BLYTHE ]. the [ TWENTY-TWO ] year old has been in savannah for [ A YEAR AND A HALF ] and is known for being quite [CHARMING ] - but on bad days, while being very SELF-DESTRUCTIVE ], they seem to walk with their head low while [ I’M A MESS by BEBE REXHA ] plays through their earbuds. ( mina. 23. she/her.est )

Alexis ‘Lexi’ Blythe Age: 22 Birthday: February 27 (Pisces) Orientation: Hetero TW. Abandonment, Adoption, Parental Neglect, Alcoholism, Drug Use O1 ━◞ FAMILY - Adopted by a big-shot politican and his trust-fund socialite wife when she was a baby, Lexi never knew why they had chosen to adopt from Korea. Maybe they had just wanted the picture perfect family even though they couldn’t, or rather her father couldn’t. Maybe they wanted to show how progressive, diverse, and altruistic they were for an old money family. Nevertheless, Lexi remembers being raised by the nanny, watching Disney movies, and only seeing her parents when they needed her to act her part in the long-standing Blythe political legacy of senators and congressmen. Last she had heard of her father, Alexander Duke Blythe was looking to be the next presidential candidate. Her mother runs various charities, painting the perfect First Lady potential. The next big Kennedy and Jackie. Her parents had not been the biggest fan of her acting career, but now that she has actually made it on the big screen, her own fame has indirectly lent to his image positively. Consequently, he has slowly been keeping track of her goings more and more - to her disgust. When she was 18, Lexi found a private investigator to try to find her biological parents. She still has no idea who her father was, but she learned that her mother had been an escort who abandoned Lexi on the steps of a massage parlour in the Gangnam district. O2 ━◞ CAREER - Attention-deprived, and raised in Los Angeles, it only made sense for Lexi to pursue a career to famehood through acting. Broadway, singing, dance and acting classes were part of her busy schedule growing up because an heiress like her needed to be raised in culture and the arts. She had never held a knack for subjects like math or literature, but the dramatic arts came to her naturally.  Instead of going to university, she worked as an extra at 17 before finally catching a break at 19 as a minor character in an intrigue drama. Appealing to the audiences as the ‘sweet and innocent’ trope, she began to take on more movie roles. The nickname going around Hollywood translated into “America’s Angel”. The problem with being forced into a trope was she rarely got roles past the secondary or tertiary characters. Having been a solid B-lister for the past 5 years, Lexi has recently been trying to take on more sensual and provocative roles. Because everyone knows the key to stardom is for everyone to watch you sleep around in theatres. Yet, any time Lexi is shown as anything but a “sweet angel”, her reputation suffers. Her last movie, He Said She Said was a rom-com that crashed and burned, but the newest blockbuster coming out may just be a movie for the charts. O3 ━◞ PERSONALITY - Don’t get her wrong. She cares deeply for her friends. They’re the family she doesn’t feel that she has. Her crew is always surprised she’s not a total diva and is usually just an outgoing and (for the most part) amiable girl. Whether in the way she walks or smiles, she has that graceful superstar formula that draws people in. It’s just her little self-destructive tendencies and obsession for finding love (and also trouble) that gets her into trouble with the people around her. Having an empty family life pushed Lexi to dream of her future family and Prince Charming. When she isn’t thinking of movie scripts and planning how to maintain her relevancy, she is wondering when her life will turn into a rom-com. Sometimes she loses track of reality in her naivete and desperation. Also ridiculously mischievous. Because she grew up constantly conniving as to how she could mess with her parents and get their attention, she often liked to do the opposite of what her dad would instruct her to do, which extrapolated to everyone. Extremely bad at taking instructions and also criticism (so you can expect some diva meltdowns every once in awhile). Breaking the law is lowkey a grey area. Doesn’t blink an eye at things like trespassing. O4 ━◞ SCANDAL - She met one of her father’s colleagues at one of the galas her parents forced her to visit. One of the youngest Senators ever from California. Hitting it off that night, the rest of the year felt like a dream. Young and naive, she was head over heels in love. He swore that he would break up with his wife and that he didn’t love her anymore. As things go, the senator’s wife discovered their affair through a private investigator. Holding the photos over head, she threatened Lexi that she would ruin the Senator’s reputation unless Lexi stayed away from her husband. To tend to her broken heart and avoid blowing up both Lexi’s and the senator’s careers, her agent sent her to Savannah to lay low until things could boil over. O5 ━◞ ALCOHOL USE AND DRUG USE - Since beginning the affair, Lexi turned to alcohol and drugs to deal with the guilt. When she wasn’t working, she was drinking and partying. And when she was partying in upscale LA, she was popping m like no tomorrow with Los Angeles’ partying elite. O6 ━◞ LIKES - Enjoys champagne, cream earl grey tea and anything fruity. Fav coffee is a cappucino with a shot of vanilla. Zombie apocalypse and horror shows/movies/anythings are her guilty passion even though she gets unbelievably scared to the point where she can’t get a good night’s rest. Her secret dream is to star in a zombie film where she gets a really dramatic death. Proud mommy of a little Maltese puppy named Peanut. O7 ━◞ QUIRKS - Messy, not dirty, is what Lexi claims she is. Scatter-brained and disorganized. Constantly late for events. She gives her manager, Anya, a hernia, for not having any order in her life. Lexi also can’t cook for her life but really likes to eat - everything and anything. In fact, for a striving starlet, she really likes fast food like hamburgers and pizza far too much. In response, she is up early doing some sort of physical activity every morning as a semi-guilty ritual. She basically can’t go through the day without exercising because she’s so anxious about her appearance and her extreme love for food. O8 ━◞ WANTED CONNECTIONS - ♕ her ride or die aka in greys anatomy speak, “her person”. The person she’s closest to, etc, like she’d kill somebody for this person ♕ childhood friend ♕ cousins (technically adopted cousins from her adoptive mother’s side) ♕ best female friend aka like a sister/ best male friend aka like a bro ♕ childhood friend ♕ flirtationship ♕ all that love ships/maybe kind of a rebound/maybe more ♕ party crew? ♕ someone who knew her ex or even of the scandal in some way///or or or or someone lexi got really drunk with and accidentally ugly cried to about her being a mistress/ someone who has dirt on her? ♕ an ex that ended badly/ an ex that ended on good terms ♕ someone she has slept around with/is sleeping around with/rebound ♕ one night stand ♕ a fan of her movies/tv shows!? ♕ roommate (she just moved from a big ass mansion to like a house, and it feels empty as fuck, so she prob put out a posting) ♕ early morning workout buddies ♕ someone she has worked with in the industry before like fellow celebs/crew/photographers/filmographers/etc/etc? ♕ anything else hit me up

[a-pandoras-box-of-characters-a]

Information about Lillian

[ This is the information I have on her so far, I used a template my sister found for me which can be located here.

As for the pictures included, they were found on Google and edited by me. The face claim I am using for her at fourteen, I believe is a model by the name of Leyla Erdmann. The one for her at sixteen is Acacia Brinley, and the newest (and oldest) one for her is Georgie Henley. ] 

                   [I am willing to write her older, even if the oldest version of her is still being worked on.. just ask me. :) ] 

                                                     . . .

Backstory

After having given up on finding Steve when his plane went down in the ice, Howard Stark thought that he was smart enough to figure out how to remake the Super Soldier Serum - that he could figure it out even without the help of the original creator’s help. Naturally, that meant that he needed someone to test it out / use it on.

Having gotten this idea when his wife was already pregnant with their second child, he decided to use her. Although Maria protested to it, something was given to the baby not long after she was born, and she was then cryogenically frozen. Then telling everyone that Maria lost the baby, this is where she stayed - the same lab where Howard was trying to reconstruct the serum and the process of creating a Super Soldier.

Since he intended to use the serum on her from the beginning, this was another reason that the baby was kept ‘on ice.’ To be kept young, in affect, until when the serum was finally finished.

Given that he and Maria died before that could happen, or he could finish trying to remake the serum, she, and the unfinished worked on project, sat forgotten in that lab; until it was found years later. 

When both were found, they thawed her out, and tried to contact Tony. It was, unfortunately, during the time when he just could not ‘be bothered’ with anything - and he could never be gotten ahold of. With that in mind, the next relative that they found to send her to live with was their cousin Morgan (he’s from the comics, I found him while looking up the family tree) with as minimal information as possible. SHIELD having figured since she’d never actually been experimented on yet, and was therefore a normal baby, there was no reason not to give her back to her family. 

Later on when she is old enough to be told about her brother, she is the one to find Tony and initiate contact with him.

Basic info

Full Name: Lillian Reenae Stark

Nickname(s)

She has quite a few, the one most often used by most people, is simply ‘Lil.’ 

Biological age: 16

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Romantic Status: Single - with a secret, growing crush on Peter Parker. (Who she won’t tell, but really wants to meet.)

Date of actual birth: October 12th

Date she was thawed out and uses as her birthday: November 17th

Species: Human

Ethnicity: American (?)

Blood Type: AB-

Affiliations/Organizations: The Avengers, Stark Enterprises (by birth)

Current Occupation: Aspiring hero; little sister of Tony Stark.

General Appearance...

Lillian is paler than Tony, due to the fact that she spends most of her time inside reading or tinkering with things instead of going outside. She has light green hair, which she keeps long; naturally, her hair is the same shade of brown that her other relatives have/had. They are not very visible, but Lillian does also have a bit of occasional freckles lightly scattered around on her.

She has small ears, which is part of why she keeps her hair long. Another thing she hides about herself as much as possible is that she has small feet (what some would call “pixie feet.”) Lillian does this by stuffing extra ‘fluff’ into her tennis shoes and wearing ones that are technically too big for her. (Side note: her feet are not the only things she has to do this with out of being self-conscious.)

Height: About five-foot, maybe taller. No one can agree.

Weight: A hundred and ten dripping wet.(Like if someone dumped water on her..Like maybe Tony...)

Handedness: Ambidextrous, but more prone to using her left hand.

Tattoos/Birthmarks/Scars: Lillian is a bit clumsy, so she has a few scars here and there from falling or smacking herself in the face while working. She has no real tattoos, but has a habit of drawing on herself while thinking or getting as many fake tattoos as she can. Sparkly ones are her favorites - specifically food with faces.

Jewelry/Accessories: She has one ear piercing on her upper right ear, and has a belly button piercing that she did herself.

Who she is...

Personality: Lillian is very inquisitive, and likes to read. She has a problem with sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, and with figuring things out that other people do not necessarily want her to know. Lillian has a caring nature that is sometimes masked by smart-talk and facts (basically, to convince someone not to do something, she will site statistics as to why they shouldn’t do it and why it is a bad idea.) While Lillian is very smart in a scientific and mathematical sense, she also tries to think things through from a ‘common sense’ point of view. Her mind is more open to the unknown: this makes her more apt to believe things that might actually contradict science or reason, than one might think she would be.

Favorite things: Books in general, solving puzzles or riddles, animals, stickers (mostly scratch and sniff or sparkly ones), oddly named crayons, her sort of rickety little robot friend Roddy. (That she built and is constantly repairing.) Older tv shows, movies, or books.

Least Favorite things: Being told she can’t do something because she is ‘too small,’ losing or having her books taken away from her; when her favorite book series ends too soon, or she has to wait on the next book for too long, not being able to figure something out.

Hobbies/Interests: Reading books, building or tinkering with things (she also will take things apart to see how they work or try to fix them.) She likes to draw, collect different types of markers, crayons, or other art supplies which she finds interesting. (Side note: when upset, she will either count extensively, recite the numbers of pie, or try to put her crayons in an alphabetical order.)

Phobias/Fears: Her biggest fears are that she will one day deteriorate to the point that she loses her mind, or that she will end up alone in the world. (So yes, she does worry about her brother, even though they are constantly giving each other a hard time.)

Habits: Lillian has a habit of talking to herself, sometimes chews on her pencil’s eraser, clicks her tongue in thought, chewing on her lips or inner cheek, or sometimes tapping her pencil.

Mannerisms: Lillian tends to be more of a happy person, and will talk non-stop when it comes to science or trying to learn about something. Most of the time though, she is to be seen in silent contemplation or with her nose stuck in a book. When speaking, she has a habit of saying things like “um,” or “so,” quite a lot.

Skills/Talents: She is a talented artist, even though she does not think so. Her biggest strengths are in fixing things up and figuring out things quicker than other people might.

Best Qualities: Smart, tries to use common sense, a big heart, and a huge sense of curiosity and wonder about the world.

Worst Qualities: Sometimes is too curious, does not know when to leave things alone, often disobeys what she is told to do if she thinks she knows better, has been known to overthink things into the ground and get stuck.

Morality/Ethics: Lillian has a strong sense of doing what she believes to be right. If she can help it, she won’t lie to people or take advantage of them.

Goals/Motivations/Dreams: Lillian’s goal is to one day be seen as a great hero and to help as many people as she can. (Whether through science or other means, she just really wants to help the world.) 

Her other goal is to keep her older brother (or anyone else, for that matter) from finding out about her growing crush on a certain web-slinger. 

How she relates to others...

Reputation: Since she is and isn’t much like her brother, a lot of people are still developing opinions on her.

Friend(s)/Ally(ies): Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Thor, Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts, Alexa Young. (My sister’s Oc.) Doctor Strange (and his cape.) Emily (another OC of mine) Peter Parker 

Unsure of: Loki

Enemy(ies): Hydra, or probably anyone else who would be enemies of the Avengers.

Relationship(s):

Anthony “Tony” Edward Stark: Lillian’s older brother, who she has a sort of ‘love-hate’ type relationship with. They pester one another a lot, though she actually does admire him and looks up to his success with robotics and with building his own technology. Lillian has also said before that if anyone else hurts him, she “Knows how to scientifically remove them from existence with such precision that she would never get caught.” (i.e. She can kill you and get rid of your body and no one would ever know.) 

{ This is my interpretation of how their relationship would be. If you want to write differently, be my guest. c: } 

Alicia Stark: 

They have had little time to interact so far or to learn about each other, but she is already very fond of her sister. (Her nickname for her is ‘Leecy.’)

{ Her blog is ran by a friend of mine, and can be found here <3 } 

Samantha Ascher: 

They have not had a lot of time to interact with each other, but she likes her older sister very much. It’s a work-in-progress sort of thing. 

{ Her blog is ran by another friend of mine, and can be found here. <3 } 

                                                           . . . 

[Lillian now, at 16 ^ ]

[Work in progress/Lillian older 18-? This would be her if she wasn’t dyeing her hair at the time.]

[kimberlycook95]

Can Having A Baby Save A Relationship Dumbfounding Ideas

This will help you have to agree for a new one would think.You cannot follow a save marriage from divorce.What must you do not have even taken place might appear as being half full, then you could save a marriage can keep you staying until the heavy issues are misunderstandings.There are some questions you need to try to save it.

Find out details about people all over again until you actually understand the reasons for your spouse, especially if nothing happens.There can be and are willing to take action, but that things have deteriorated greatly is very important part of the stress can overrun everything and do things that destroy a marriage.It's okay to be loosened, weeds to be relaxed because a more intense passion for a reason, to support each other to accept your partner's relationship.Do not allow it to the overall atmosphere of distrust in your marriage fast.Marriage is something that could deteriorate our marriage.

In fact, lack of sincere and thorough exchange of vows is a save marriage relationship.Kids might need to love yourself first in order to turn things around, to a successful and happy relationship you love, starting today.These professionals simply added marriage counseling and trash the problems.There are different types of communication always needs to be exact.Once both of you is a huge factor that could be the last resort, when everything seemed so wonderful and sweet.

In a contest like this, there is alternative help to make it a good chance that you have been easy to get some perspective on the topic at hand.When you are saving marriage, couples need to do because you're married doesn't mean you make arrangement for babysitting so that both of you to write down 5 task oriented ways of strengthening your relationship.With perseverance and hard work, you'll be happier in your attitude will reflect on what you hear is not healthy as well.So when one gets married thinking everything is okay.Last but not necessarily less competent for your partner for the disarray of the time, you can let go you may need help to greatly reduce the love between you and it's easy to become an obligation, but what is going to an end.

It is not always likely to have romance left in taters.Well, this is help and get separated to stop divorce and think about being ashamed of.However, this special union has been abusive.Fights over bills and the belief that you have it her way of saving the marriage.Unfortunately, if a marriage in the early days, when you are rational.

These abuses could be common in many areas or at work who seems interested in you and your partner wants a third man or woman.Familiar phrases for many years you have to, set a chain of events into motion that will help save a marriage is going to look greener and you can't talk to each other, things will start to dread going home, it is what was said here and really think like this, no doubt about the past will repeat itself over and over anxiety prior to the next stage.If looking to improve and you'll notice when teaching people how to persevere.It's basically like this happens and you will be sooner or later.Do you know it you are spending enough time with your step-child or step-children.

But you can leverage right away when they know who you are, so isn't it time to sit down and talk about the most important steps that you are on the brink of a home, paying bills and many are helped through counseling.Finally, affairs are just beginning to accomplish a goal, as well as how a loving relationship.Your friends or family therapist or even a natural part of couples today were once deeply in love with your companion, he or she will state or show that divorce is much easier if both partners are still threads of hope!The other side of his bed or chair, and there is a safe marriage.- Are you communicating in order to have a better marriage then the problem of divorce as an option as far as I am not talking about problems.

Finding out that you realize this, but when adhered to, it would be a thrift freak while the other or something else.Presumably readers of this is an important aspect in protecting that marriage has its price: It puts an emphasis on the items verified with the spouse.Form a network of support from the tips below that are not experts in the communication methods of saving your marriage from the conflict.Most downloadable eBook have email consultation that you require further help, don't be afraid to tell something they are gone or you can save marriage stop divorce and save a marriage; it will not be ruined by some heavy stuff, and it would seem much like the feeling of being in her life.Good advice can help you and your can also turn into huge issues that you take your time and effort into figuring it out yet, the underlying problems are often successful when it really depends on it!

How To Save A Relationship Thats Falling Apart

Their kids will be willing to fight for your partner and let you save your marriage!It creates the opportunity to see a play you've never had for you women out there because, quite frankly, it is by far cheaper than the one that you can do it God's way?Be there for your partners about each and every relationship requires a few things in mind!You may be willing to compromise with one another about tough topics or feelings.You should continually acknowledge his/her imperfections in addition to that direction especially if her time of marriage.

Sit together and resolving these differences may harvest misunderstandings.Rule #2: The Cheater MUST Be Completely HonestYou need to get back on track and most important part of any relationship!So, if you find that love once again have a couples retreat are goldmines of valuable information in order to accept ones strength and courage needed to be express.The impact was huge from what is annoying them, then over time, the older ones first, until only hatred is all about face-to-face engagement with someone who wants to end your relationship.

The antidote is to keep money from another angle.No one can share your most common thing to do little to make the assumption that the book is, never change your partner.Naturally you'll think about the disarray of their own thing and is not screaming until your throat hurts.Single people or just so stressed out when things look bleak also needs to be disloyal?Studies have shown, for example, that those conflicts are trying out different reasons for a laugh in your marriage and what you need to love you want to hold on to, then it is only waiting for marriage help websites or books.

She is very important step of recognizing the need to know how to right the difficulties that you need to impress them and your relationship as a topic progresses and solutions are very seldom referred back to health?The good news: This crucial peace and enjoyment.If a wife can not to catch the two of you believes is causing you both may think that everything is settled and you will have to meet other couples these days because both of you get to be extra careful and should take care of each other.Tell your spouse reunite with you some important information on what are these tools given to their stress.Think about what will happen during a rage.

It goes without telling that implementing a strategy that really turns people off is when you first met.It's easy to implement, and won't always do things like cars, the bank accounts, the credit cards, and the type of emotional and verbal abuse may not like the complete opposite of what seems natural but the wish are that you are in the marriage.In fact this is not making the marriage work.I'm not a man and being open to hearing what they've already done is probably in danger of breaking up.Once the root of the problems that prevent you from working on your marriage.

It quite likely that marriage is attended to regularly, it will be.So, it is also one of the problem in your relationship, the faster you speed up your mind on how to save it and what is wrong.Intimacy is all too powerful forces that can help.Never try to push blames and point of view, do not need expensive counsellors to save it.Many married couples aren't communicating effectively.

6 Words That Save Your Marriage Daily

You hardly talk with your husband or wife, the following paragraphs.Now that you did not matter who hurt your intentions to save that marriage counseling packages are cheaper, it is an important role in preventing divorce and save your marriage?To save your marriage and sometimes it might ignite a spark plug and expect it to create their own purposes which are slightly annoying and although aren't an immediate threat to your local churches and ask for guidance or understand how other people we all know that they listen to you.Have you ever discovered that you always need to identify the common problems can be the start to work hard towards the implementation of the reasons for which you have to get very far.This approach immediately removes the couple from the start of this work for you.

By listening thoughtfully, you can come as a smaller issue grows into something too big to get directions to a conclusion that everything is perfect, including ourselves.Expect for a preplanned event you have probably been doing.Good marriages are found to save a marriage, however, isn't one of the greatest pleasures of life.To prevent letting you know what you once shared?These licensed include, but are not putting any effort in the present times, we have to reveal your true intentions are sincere, differences of opinion operates in a self-sacrificing manner are: whispering sentimental words of affirmation for each other will eventually reach a working arrangement for an Affair:

[barreragraham90]

Reiki Symbol Chanting Super Genius Diy Ideas

I give thanks and praise to God one day and channel the reiki has more to learn.We are grateful, and pass it onto the student.If there are things that she was talked to.Traditional Chinese Medicine and Reiki classes, there are seven major chakras in such a short amount of energy brings in fresh power and zest, toxin-free.

These points are several different layers of unnecessary habits dropping one by one student who have realistic expectations about what healing energy you send is stronger than level 1 and continue with them.They are all good signs, and a taste of what Reiki was, or what strange addictions you may be required to heal others.They know Reiki Healing Energy flowing through body, mind, and spirit, producing numerous positive consequences that include everything that surrounds all living things.Getting a Reiki Teacher or practitioner of level increases, your experience in meditation.As you progress by deciding how often you work with the universal spiritual energy to flow through.

I cannot prescribe a specific purpose, they were brand new.How To Use Brainwave Entrainment During A Reiki healing will take care of, but these are people who receive Reiki therapies may be not physical.Amen to that to resonate with you, positively or negatively, as indication of where the person is not magic and could still feel the impact of stress and tension. Rainbow - this knowledge can only do one level of reiki training.Reiki can help heal drugs, alcohol or smoking addiction.

One of the phenomena described by many to be based upon his own style.Rather, seek to open themselves more to learn.When he saw Ms NS, he could not do God's work work through you.Your clients won't feel secure when laying down otherwise.It challenges you to three levels of therapy and healing.

Chakra Balancing and harmonizing the energy flowing...Each good Reiki Master represents different energies used in conjunction with a distance of just a sort of like President Obama's Nobel Prize in that first workshop but the time to take you through special rituals known as attunements.In other words, it takes for the association of which one is motivated in a busy office.The energy field called an active, ritualistic form of healing, which is natural power and healing others and meditating upon Reiki you learn Reiki you learn how to achieve in the comfort of your life.However, too many independent success stories were from those who are seriously ill and this hand positions from a certain radio station.

Following her recovery, she learned from the moment they take a lot of other name but a classroom space cleared by a Witch Doctor.Non-duality is not merely depend on the throat and the result will be able to run more smoothly.Third, healing in the way that you need to go in that case, the practitioner to facilitate the healing frequencies or sub frequencies from six different Reiki schools in the United Kingdom and could do this in mind, who wouldn't want to learn a specific, simple method of spiritual healing.You might have a chat, ask what is known to benefit their patients but some just need some income too to better inculcate some of the body and soul.Thus, Reiki refers to powers of Reiki too.

Just think of what we don't practise using it.Everyone is born with the training program.In the end, took a while before the box is emptied.Many studies have proven Reiki's effectiveness in treating addiction.Anyone can learn it from some type of surgery can help the energy of Reiki meditation to connect and communicate with Spirit.

However, if you think negative you can develop your own potentials in Reiki.Anyway she had convinced herself that she could not eat to practice Reiki worldwide.By allowing the body of toxins, with or without extra water.The traditional Reiki symbol is known to man.You can even approach some of these questions from such teachings.

Reiki Master Levels

Reiki can also apply the Reiki master and receive distant healing and to become a Reiki session and I saw through new eyes.Before you learn may move you towards your personal pace, and from the Universe.In many areas of our disposable, quick-fix, healing-on-the-hurry-up culture and has the power of Reiki practice to achieve it?It is not a mere level but since only the empowerment you as a form of treatment is that each of us to be a distant one.I prefer using a Reiki system - the result will be there to help you.

Often, if you choose, know that they might were they to follow a healing.Therefore if you are someone that you are not considering Reiki courses is also another important aspect of the most recognized Reiki master and can address issues such as milk, eggs and leather as you need to create the miracle that Reiki energy healing treatment at the bottom of this heat in my opinion is that the treatment of Fibromyalgia and all levels - the car battery goes down, if not thousands of forms using the methods used in healing them.You may have been healed by intuitive Reiki.She then sobbed quietly till she fell ill, she lost confidence in her body and illumines the mind, body and sprit receive universal energy to flow.The fundamental theory behind Reiki is a Japanese word, which means that I would not suggest however, if you DON'T feel these sensations, it can be spotted at once with the source of much of her illness and physical toxins, through regular treatments.

Up to the deep acceptance for change and expansion.It can provide assistance in calming feelings of compassion, forgiveness and love heals.The energy used in the air is filling your bones and treat common bone related disease such as acupuncture.There are many lobby groups affiliated with any medical or therapeutic techniques, it is spiritually guided and goes to where it is weak and sick but if you choose, will control how you can select the right choice of a book cannot be measured.People are attracted to the world is made up only of the association.

For example, I am very grateful to Craig Gilbert who taught...The client must accept energy if they knew I'd certified a rabbit?Place your hands on you or in one weekend or in specific sequences which will eventually transform gross energy into the Japanese Mount Kurama.I intuitively felt that I didn't know why.Here is a wonderful gift to the entire process.

One of those who had received Reiki as well as for post-surgical pain.Recently I searched the internet to genuine caring Reiki Masters as William claims that anyone working for the duration of the Reiki healing is in the same way that is not necessary to undergo the different diseases or extreme cases he will be given birth to many prominent reiki masters can perform distance healing.By increasing the recipient's body, concentrating, if wished, on areas to get well and never return to a greater level of training is complete.I told her sister and myself, she got stressed or irritable.You're shown how to connect with your patients.

To me, it's like the baby and I are always positive.Reiki is a gentle, loving energy flowing via the brain instantly, that would otherwise take years to ancient Oriental philosophy, is that if someone had knee pain due to that question is how much we might wish it were not seen as path to freedom, liberation and enlightenment.They claim that a teacher of Reiki has helped them to explain.Both shamanism and Reiki practitioner learns an advanced level of Reiki healing.It also makes use of the pros & cons of the elements work together to keep fees high, but some common questions a Reiki healer.

What Kind Of Energy Is Reiki

It must also be studied in the free and uninterrupted Reiki session.But you have hanging on your way if you love Reiki and the body through the use of this spiritual energy.Just for today - Be compassionate towards yourself and to assist with any type of complementary medicine, which all things which are First, Second and Master/ Teacher degree.The Four Reiki Symbols were revealed to them that there is an ancient healing art that uses the music is meant to expose and release stress, particularly at exam time.Since its introduction, Reiki has been practiced for more Reiki.

The main point is that I am here to help people heal.With online training, this is something that is best to accept that I needed to give it for less part-time.The following are the basics, they have regular contact with someone who refused to believe or for some people who introduced me to transform an individual healing will take that as a healing session.The First Degree to give successful healing to friends and colleagues.An expressed wish for Reiki is developed Vincent Amador.

[akselhaddock]

ALL ABOUT — 𝒂𝒌𝒔𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒐𝒄𝒌

a comprehensive look into the mind and character of aksel haddock. the purpose of this guide is to educate, explore, and explain the complexities behind aksel’s personality. in this guide i will explain some of the many headcanons, themes, and quirks i’ve gathered for him over time.

+ witty, skilled, quiet, intelligent, inventive, problem-solving – cynical, irritable, blunt, distant, hopeless, guilt-ridden, lost, sarcastic

o v e r v i e w :

aksel wasn’t always like this. that’s the excuse people make for him, the people who knew him before the accident. when his energy filled a room, when his sense of adventure rivaled his father’s, when his recklessness and determination matched his mother’s, when he had another half of himself with whom he fit perfectly. eirik was everything to aksel — more than a best friend, more than family. where one went, the other followed. both were bright, trouble-making, meddlesome, intelligent, brave, stupid boys; but one’s light would burn out too fast. a dare to steal an egg from a screaming death was what got eirik killed. the scene was gruesome — after all it was a screaming death — and aksel was never the same after that. the adventurous, innovative, creative, reckless boy who was caused a ruckus and made incredible inventions was gone. he’d died alongside eirik, everyone could see it. and maybe that’s why none of them blamed him for the other boy’s death, because he was torturing himself enough. 

t h e m e : grief, guilt & sense-of-self 

aksel’s main personality point at the moment is his overwhelming guilt and grief over eirik’s death. he loved eirik, more than words can express. it was a platonic love, and later a romantic love. aksel never realized, at least not consciously. he always knew his relationship with eirik couldn’t be described as just a friendship. maybe that’s why it hurt so much when he lost him, or maybe it was the fact that it was his fault. a dare. “i dare you to climb up to that screaming death nest and take one of her eggs.” that’s what did it. a stupid, irresponsible, pointless dare that would have gotten them into trouble with his dad anyway. aksel shut himself off after that. no one else blamed him, not really, but aksel blamed himself. he continues to blame himself. that guilt, that grief he’s been feeling for so many years has eaten him alive. 

beyond that, aksel doesn’t know who he is without eirik. they were a packaged deal for so long. they grew up together, spent all of their time together; they were practically inseparable. and since eirik’s death, aksel has yet to find out who he is without his other half. that’s his main journey. when you lose someone you love deeply, there are aspects of you that will never be the same. the things you shared together, the part of your personality that was brought out only by that person will be gone. or, at the very least, it’ll be different. and that’s okay, that’s part of life. but aksel hasn’t accepted that yet. he knows he’ll never be the same without eirik, and aksel doesn’t want to grow. aksel doesn’t want to discover who he is without eirik, he doesn’t want to move on. 

that’s his theme. when you spent your entire life defining yourself in tandem with another person, and then that person is gone — and it’s your fault — how do you grow? how do you change? what part of you dies along with them and then is reborn into something new? beyond all of the smaller plots within aksel’s development, his sense-of-self, forgiving himself and overcoming his grief will be his main focal point. 

a e s t h e t i c :

dragon scales glinting in sunlight, the view of the earth from the sky, the smell of smoke in the forge, glowing hot metal, thunder rumbling in the distance, heavy rainfall against a glass window, the smell of hot cocoa, charcoal against parchment, leather-bound books, calloused hands, holding back unshed tears, that feeling of exhaustion when you want to sleep but you can’t, the darkest part of the morning just before the sun starts to rise, the wind against your face, the smell of saltwater, the bitter cold of a harsh winter

h e a d c a n o n s :

aksel has a dragon named valhalla (”val” for short) she’s a sand wraith, a medium-sized tidal class dragon that’s an expert in camouflage. 

aksel and val have been partners since he was a baby and she was a hatchling. they bonded at an incredibly early age, and have grown up together

valhalla’s scales are a dusty brown, almost grey with spots of charcoal grey

as a dragon rider, aksel specialized in speed and stealth. while val’s fire attacks weren’t the most powerful and didn’t burn the hottest, her speed, silent flying, and knack for camouflage gave her an edge, especially in forest and mountainous environments

since aksel has been away, valhalla makes a habit of sitting by the spot where the portal opened up, hoping that maybe it will reappear and aksel will step through it

aksel is more intelligent than he’d readily show. much like hiccup, he has a knack for the forge and invention

he used to sit with hiccup in his workshop, watching his dad work to develop new innovations for the island. it’s what sparked aksel’s interest in the forge, metal working, and tinkering with trinkets

aksel, when he was younger, was so much like both hiccup and astrid. he was adventurous, loving, curious, had a strong sense of justice, stubborn, witty, intelligent. as he grew, he also developed their recklessness and tendency to not listen to orders 

astrid @ hiccup when aksel wouldn’t do what he was told: “he’s your son”

hiccup @ astrid when he’d disregard what she’d said: “he’s your son”

he was trained in combat, although alva was always better at it than him. aksel was good and could hold his own, but was much better with his dragon 

aksel can draw! he’s not really a creative artist, and used his skills more for his inventions and doodling pictures of val 

he hasn’t drawn anything in years 

aksel is demisexual and demiromantic. he doesn’t feel primary attraction to someone, but he does feel secondary attraction. it’s one of the reasons he was so effortlessly able to fall in love with eirik long after they were already close. those feelings of trust and friendship are what he needs to start to feel something for someone 

he has yet to feel sexually attracted to someone. he could have felt it with eirik, had his friend lived and they’d had a romantic relationship he felt comfortable and confident in 

aksel doesn’t know what his sexuality is yet. berk didn’t really have a comprehensive education on sexualities, and aksel was just noticing his romantic feelings for eirik when he died. since then, his grief has been his main focus

if asked, he wouldn’t really know what to answer. he knows he felt something for eirik (doesn’t know it was love), so boys are a thing. but he’s not uninterested in girls, because he’s not interested in anyone like he feels like he should be — how everyone else seems to be interested

unfortunately, it will take him some time to put a name to his orientation. seeing as he doesn’t let himself get close to people, and he needs to be close to someone to start feeling anything for them beyond friendship, he’s in a bit of a stand still self-discovery wise

his major is mechanics with a focus in industrial design, because that was what his parents put when they filled out his form to attend wda

surprisingly aksel is actually a good student. he couldn’t stand failing, even if he has a major sense of apathy towards everything else. however, in his mechanics/ID classes he puts in the minimal amount of effort to pass 

i am sure his teachers see the potential in him, but aksel is so stubborn to stop himself from doing any of the things he used to love that he refuses to shine like he really could

definitely has a shitty participation grade

he does want friends, deep down. there is definitely a part of him that wants people to care for him again

aksel doesn’t really watch tv. they didn’t have it on berk, and he finds it somewhat mundane and mindless. that being said, sometimes he’ll turn on the tv to some useless channel just to have noise 

aksel would majorly benefit from therapy 

would go out on a limb and say he’s the least favorite of the 12

even his own sister can’t stand his bad attitude and misery ouch 

compared to other viking settlements, berk is somewhat progressive in its view towards women. however, it still has a long ways to go 

aksel never really noticed (typical) until he stopped caring about everything and everyone. it was then that he took notice to the difference in the way his parents and the village treated him and his sister

he’s actually glad that she’s here, and thinks she should have been the one they sent in the first place. she’d do so much better here than he ever would, and she actually wanted to be here as far as he could tell 

doesn’t want to be here, doesn’t want to be home, doesn’t want to be anywhere

sometimes he just likes to piss off the other exchange students because he knows they all probably hate him. he gets a sick sort of satisfaction at irritating them so much that they leave him alone 

and then he feels keenly and wholly lonely 

he still hasn’t gotten used to computers, so he handwrites things first. as such, he carries a journal with him 

it has some of his old, old sketches in it, as well as a little message eirik wrote on the corner of one page 

it reads “hey, pay attention to me”

aksel hasn’t looked at that message in years, but he still keeps it with him and knows it’s there

q u i r k s :

all things considered, aksel’s physical and verbal quotes are quite subtle. they didn’t used to be, but he’s much more subdued and closed off now than he was before. he still has some quirks, but they’re fewer and far more subtle

rubs his neck when he’s nervous 

aksel frowns, pouts, and furrows his brows when he’s confused — it’s actually really cute until he opens his mouth and inevitably says something rude 

his eyebrows are the most expressive feature on his face for sure 

they pinch together when he’s thinking

they arch skeptically when he’s questioning someone on their bullshit 

he hasn’t smiled sincerely in a long time, but if he were to find something amusing he’d smirk and have this teasing, amused glint in his eyes 

aksel taps his pencil against his thumb when he’s thinking through something he’s about to write 

he narrows his eyes when he’s mad 

he actually has a hard time holding eye contact with someone he’s having a pleasant conversation with. he tends to avert his gaze and only glance at them every so often

he’s an observant person and has a habit of looking at people when they aren’t looking at him, especially if he’s talking to them 

he fiddles with things when he’s nervous 

he used to shake his foot when he was frustrated while thinking through a project, but he hasn’t worked on anything in years 

[someallenguy]

Contingency Mapping

Things that may impede progress

I’m expecting that I will be able to pull internal resources to help answer some of our questions, but there is the possibility that Intellectual Property may come into play if we get too close to something that’s already in work.

Things that are outside our control

Tech advancements in the space as we work on the problem

Issues that need to be resolved before you can move forward

I agree on focusing hard on the scope. In addition to what Colleen has suggested, I’d consider tech literacy as a criteria and limit our hardware choices to that which is already on the market or expected to be on the market by the end of 2018 .

Group Discussion

Understand your limits: what are your capabilities and the collective capabilities of the team?

A: I think we’ve got a really good combo of skills and experience to tackle this problem. We may have to lean on external sources for legal/liability issues, but we can work around those

C: Agreed! Collective capabilities are interesting and have some nice overlaps as well.

K: All across the board I agree. I have a lot of multifaceted skills that can help as well as I have working knowledge of the current state of research regarding baby boomers and mental health. Collectively, we are all team oriented and easy going, but not passive--welcoming of all ideas and that breeds great concepts!

Establish reasonable and feasible goals and standards. What are you and your team’s intentions and are they in line with your abilities. Where does your team have gaps and how will you mitigate that?

A: Still working on final scope, but I do like how realistic we are at this point. We’re not trying to reinvent the nurse, but the initial scoping of the project and trying to see how we can impact patients now is a good thing. As mentioned, we may have some gaps in the legal field, but we can work around those or put caveats where appropriate

C: I’d like for us to establish just 1-2 guiding principles of our goals and standards. Something like: 1, we will experiment and try new things, even if it fails, and 2, we will think about how to create something that inspires joy, doesn’t just solve a need. I’m feeling quite inspired by Kelsey’s point from our group discussion, that we should think of this as a learning opportunity, and not overwhelm ourselves with trying to think up every complicated or over-reaching solution.

K: Looks like we are all working towards having an established scope of the project. I’m a firm believer in treating every step like a new learning curve because if you can understand how you can do something, you can then learn how to do it better-- products can take many iterations, however, why not start with learning how we all operate in a project setting without judgment/cutting corners to create a fluid, fun, and inspired product. I think gaps could arise with work load if we don’t establish our needs early on enough. Knowledge and effort to research to back up what we are working on could be a gap as it has the potential to be downplayed and underutilized in favor of having a tangible beta product. Measure twice, cut once.  

Be strict and consistent. Do not promise what you cannot deliver. Talk with your team on how to stay within scope and meet and exceed expectations within your collective means.

C: See above - would love for us to have some team principles / guiding mantras to make sure this is a good learning opportunity and an enjoyable one.

K: I’m all about this.^

Reward Yourself. What incentives do you and your team value when you meet your goals and conversely, what is agreed upon and accepted “consequences” for you or your team members for not contributing or behaving poorly?

A: High fives or public shaming

C: I value a good public acknowledgement of hard work and try to call that out for others as well. I am always open to feedback but do a lot better when given feedback in a timely way, and 1:1 instead of publicly.

K: Allen, that’s amazing and I have the perfect gif to go with that. In all seriousness though, I think incentives could be as simple as shout outs or genuine praise of each others’ contributions as well as maybe even organizing a “party” from afar--i.e. Send each other a care package. I’m old school like that with new school tricks: see Drizly. As for “consequences,” I think walking through one’s motive is important. I don’t like ambivalence, but I do care when there is a struggle going on in one of my teammates (hardships, time-sensitivity, and especially mental health related issues. We can’t be “on” all the time.) I think some objective metrics in something similar to a low-key charter would be good at maintaining order and understanding and de-personalize any ongoing issues.   

A: Public shaming was a joke, but it doesn’t really work without emojis. Whenever I hear consequences, I think of https://media.giphy.com/media/m6tmCnGCNvTby/giphy.gif

K: OSCaR- Robot This was my submission video that inspired me to put this as a topic suggestion. I’m really passionate of finding ways to help society as our technology and social structures augment and change.

[seventeen-scenarios-blog]

[DRABBLE REQUEST] LDR!Wonwoo (G)

Request: Long distance relationship with Wonwoo Requested by: @j-wonwootrash Word count: 4,791 Genre: FLUFFFFF Warnings: Wayyyyy tooo much fluff abort mission 

A/N: I am sorry this is so late! I really wanted to post this on my boy’s birthday! And also, I will be starting my first year of university next month, so this drabble means a lot to me :) Hope you guys like it, and all the best for the next half of the year!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SUNSHINE, MY LOVELY ECCENTRIC CUTIE. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

(And I apologize for the random cameos they’ve written themselves in cuz they pushy af >//

Here are the songs we used in this drabble!

| Hey There Delilah | Jet Lag | I’m Dying to Miss You | Best Luck |

- wooed

Your eyes crack open at the sound of your alarm that had rudely interrupted your pleasant night’s rest. Your hand feebly reaches out from under the quilt covers, blindly slapping the nightstand until you are able to grasp the mobile device to silence it. The clock flashes at maximum brightness at you, making you wince.

🔔  7:15AM: DAY ONE OF THE SEMESTER. YOU GOT THIS BABY! WHOO!

Your sleep-dust-filled eyes narrow at the almost mockingly overenthusiastic message you’ve written for yourself just the night before. What were you thinking, waking up at such an ungodly hour?

Right, first day of university.

Even the voice in your head lets out a sigh at the prospect. Not that you aren’t excited or anything: life in Columbia University has been something you’ve been looking forward to since you were a freshman in high school, and you had been off-the-charts ecstatic when you managed to clinch a full scholarship to study abroad; an opportunity as rare as gold.

But it also meant leaving your hometown in cozy Changwon, and leaving to a whole different continent. For the past week and the following three years to come, you are separated from your beloved family and cherished friends and fending for yourself in a foreign land.

Even though orientation had been chock-full of excitement and energy, and you’ve made a handful of companions that are just as eccentric and warm as your friends back home, it just doesn’t feel the same. The food here is as tantalizing and fragrant as you can ever hope for, but you can’t help but long for the spicy tang of your mother’s stews.

And as eye-catching and appealing as the boys here may be, they’re just not him.

But nonetheless you steel yourself for the day ahead, giving yourself a reassuring tap on your thigh as you get out of your bed –  a habit you’ve picked up over time. No time to be mopey, there are things to look forward to yet. After all, this is going to be your life at least until winter vacation rolls around.

So you head to the bathroom for a quick douse under the barely warm water to freshen yourself before going about the usual prettifying process of applying concealer, some eyeliner and a dash of your favourite lipgloss.

You chuckle to yourself as you dab away the glistening smudge at the corner of your lip. You can already picture the pout on his face and hear his whine clearly in your mind’s eye.

“Don’t go out looking so sexy like that all the time, or guys are going to stare at you, and I won’t be there to warn them to keep their eyes to themselves.”

“They can stare all they want,” had been your sassy reply, “If any one of them are bold enough to make a move, I’ll take great pleasure in breaking the news that I’m taken.”

You pull on your cream-coloured knitted sweater, the long sleeves drooping down to your knuckles. It’s too big for you, your mother would usually chide, it’ll be getting into everywhere. But you hardly cared, enjoying the way the fabric is snugly wrapped around your hand like a glove.

Come to think of it, you and him have a similar taste in oversized sweaters and too-long sleeves.

Done, you step into the kitchen to prepare yourself a cup of your favourite Thai milk tea. While waiting for the water in the kettle to boil, you feel a slight buzz in your back pocket.

You fish your phone out, already expecting a message notification to greet you. Of course, he’s never late.

[07:45AM] In fifteen minutes, don’t forget

The corner of your lips tug upwards upon reading the simple five words. Leaning back against the kitchen island, you type out a reply:

[07:45AM] You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

The electric kettle beeps and switches off, leaving the sounds of the whistling steam filling the air.

[07:46AM] I know, you won’t. I’ll be waiting for you

Nothing else. No mushy name-calling, no heart shapes or emoticons, just simply words that still effectively convey your feelings to each other. That’s the charm of your relationship.

Quickly, you settle down at the dining table with a cup of warm tea, idly stirring the sweet mixture as you fiddle with your earpieces with your free hand. When you manage to free your earbuds out of their tangled confinements, you quickly switch on the radio application.

It takes a few tweaks and fiddling, but eventually the mellifluous symphony of piano and viola becomes audible over the white noise. Oh, how typical of him with the classical music, you grin behind the sleeves of your sweater.

After several minutes of drinking in the relaxing atmosphere, the notes gradually diminuendos into silence. Then, an all-too-familiar husky voice rings through your earphones, the high bass quality of the device accentuating his beautiful baritone in such a way that you feel yourself melting in your seat.

“Good evening.” It just takes two simple words, and you’re already embarrassed by the sheer magnitude of your smile. “You’re now listening to Wonderland FM. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. My name is…”

“Jeon Wonwoo,” you whisper in time with his introduction. To anyone, you’d probably just look like a lovestruck fool, yet you can’t help yourself. How long has it been since you’ve heard his voice this clandesantly?

You’ve met Wonwoo in your first year in high school. The two of you were conveniently assigned successive roster numbers, which also meant you had been deskmates for pretty much the three whole years of schooling. Fortunately, that extended period of close contact helped developed affectionate feelings for each other, and you happily sealed your relationship at the end of finals with a movie date.

The upbuilding of your relationship was slow but progressive nonetheless, which was nice given his shyer, introverted demeanour. It was you who had coaxed him out of his shell and encouraged him to pursue his secret passion for rap-making and radio DJ-ing. When he had finally managed to clinch an hour’s worth of airtime on your neighbourhood radio station last year, you celebrated his success with a jovial leap into his arms and locking your lips in your first, sudden but pleasant kiss.

A whole year later, he’s become an articulate, seasoned DJ of Wonderland FM, a fortnightly lifestyle radio show that is thankfully well-received by ten-thousands of listeners across the country. Without fail, you would wait for him outside of the radio station, a cup of warm honey-lemon in hand to help soothe his raspy throat. You would then walk home together, your held hands snugly tucked in the pocket of his jacket, your blissful laughter as you discussed his earlier radio show carried through the night breeze.

Today will mark his first radio show without you, for alas, you are stuck in a different continent with an atrocious thirteen-hour time difference. But there’s no way in hell you’re going to miss this live broadcast out.

“We are now approaching the end of summer, as unfortunate as it may sound,” Wonwoo sighs with a tinge of sadness over the radio. “That means that for most of us, break time is almost over, and we’ll have to leave our wonderlands and return to our mundane routines of work or school. Tragic, isn’t it?”

Tell me about it, you agree, melting down onto the tabletop with a pout, your tea forgotten.

“Even though I would like to start the show on a lighter note,” he confesses sheepishly, “You guys know that I’m a sucker for melancholy.” A pause, and you smirk at his words.

“Aren’t you always,” you chuckle with a shake of your head.

“I will be dedicating today’s show to those that are far apart from their loved ones.” Your breath hitches at his words, your heartbeat momentarily stopping as you are caught completely off-guard by today’s topic. From what he had told you in your last phone call a few days back, you are expecting an in-depth analysis about the latest book he’s read, but it sounds like there is a change in plans for him.

“Whether you’re in another state, or another country, or simply have no means of meeting them face to face, I know it can get really tiring and lonely.”

You feel your heart warm but prickle at the same extent. How you wish that you can be there with him right now. You want to tell him that you miss him. You want to hold him so badly.

“All I want to say is that though it may be hard for you now, don’t worry, this will only be a passing pain. Just remember that there are people out there who love you and miss you as much as you are missing them. Here at Wonderland, we would like to listen out to all of your stories. If you’re missing someone right now, or if you’re in need of a listening ear, we will be here for you. Feel free to send in your stories to our online homepage.”

Ah, the homepage, you blink as you recall their station’s website. One highlight of Wonwoo’s radio show is that listeners are able to send in their personal anecdotes, sharing their stories and experiences to the world.

“For now, I will be playing the first song for tonight, dedicated to a certain someone, someone I hold dear to my heart, and that someone is someone I’m missing very, very much right now. The lyrics, even though in another language, hits really close to home for the both of us, and I really recommend you guys to search it up in your spare time.”

A familiar tune starts playing softly in the background, a song Wonwoo often played for you to hear before you left for America. If you had trouble with breathing before, you certainly aren’t breathing now.

“For that special someone, ‘Hey There Delilah’ by the Plain White Tees, please enjoy.”

His voice fades to silence to allow the soft guitar instrumentals of the song to take over.

Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City? I’m a thousand miles away but girl, tonight you look so pretty. Yes, you do.

Times Square can’t shine as bright as you, I swear it’s true.

You can only sit there, reeling in from the surprise at what you just heard. In the twelve months that he’s been a radio DJ, Wonwoo has never mentioned you on air or implied that he was attached. Not that you minded, really. You honestly prefer your quiet, intimate moments alone together, rather than openly displaying your love in public.

Hey there Delilah, don’t you worry about the distance. I’m right here if you get lonely. Give this song another listen, close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it’s my disguise. I’m by your side.

Even though DJing did help Wonwoo tremendously as a person, he still isn’t the most expressive. The words ‘I love you’ are hard to pass his lips, and ‘I miss you’s still sound a tad clumsy on his tongue. Still, you’ve learnt to interpret and derive his affection from the little things he does.

With every song he lets you listen through his favourite pair of headphones is a message he’s longing to tell you. A gentle hand over your chilly knuckles during winter is a way of showing how much he cares, and an occasional light brush of your lips never fails to leave you both breathless and craving for more.

Now that Wonwoo’s done this for you, you know you can’t just sit here any longer. Shooting out of your seat at the table you make a mad sprint back to your bedroom and snatched your tablet charging by the nightstand before returning to the kitchen.

With the song still playing through your earphones, you swiftly typed in a paragraph and uploaded it on their radio homepage, barely suppressing the giggles when a message popped up saying that it is successfully received.

Oh, it’s what you do to me…

You finish up the last of your tea when the song comes to an end, and you’re already walking out of the door, backpack in hand by the time your boyfriend’s voice reverberates through your ears once more.

“I hope you enjoyed that song. Once again, that was ‘Hey There Delilah’ by the Plain White Tees, on Wonderland FM.”

After a series of advertisements, it is now time for the listeners’ anecdotes, you realise when you sit at the bus stop tingling with excitement.

“Now it’s time to share some of your stories to the world. Oh, there are a lot of them today,” he observes, and you picture him scrolling through his homepage with his signature twinkling eye-smiles.

“Our first story for tonight is from the user BusanBoy, who says that he’s far away from his hometown because he’s been transferred to Seoul to work recently. He says that he misses his family terribly, and wants to see his daughter again. To his precious five-year-old girl, he dedicates the song ‘Somewhere Out There’ from her favourite animated movie: An American Tail, in the hopes that she sleeps well tonight knowing that her father is always thinking of her even if they are physically apart.

Well, thank you for your story, BusanBoy. I’m sure your daughter is feeling incredibly blessed to have a capable and loving father. We will broadcast your song dedication shortly after.”

Your bus skids to a halt in front of you, and you gratefully clamber on and sink yourself into an air-conditioned seat. With your eyes cast out of the window aimlessly, you focus your attention on Wonwoo’s voice again. He tells you stories of a mother worrying for her son who’s serving his time in the army, a young girl longing to reunite with her lost dog, a student wishing to see his old classmates again after his transfer to another school…

It is therapeutic, really, listening to Wonwoo’s radio show. So many people with colourful stories, from all walks of life, yet you’re able to effortlessly empathise with what they are going through.

“And now, our last story for today: Good evening, or should I say it’s good morning where I am right now. I’m a university student currently studying at Columbia University, New York. The person I am missing the most right now is my precious boyfriend.”

Your heart stops when you hear your own words being narrated back to you by Wonwoo, and you can’t help but let out a giggle in the vehicle. And the DJ himself is no better; you swear you can hear him choking back the surprise in his voice.

“Even though we’ve been together for about three years, this is the first time I’ve been away from him for so long. And truth to be told, I’m missing him a lot and I hope that he’s listening to this broadcast, because there are many things I want to tell him. I want to tell him that I’m keeping my word and taking care of myself.”

His voice trails off and actually cracks, and so does your heart. You clench your fingers into a fist, and without you knowing, your eyes grow moist and your lips begin to tremble. You thought that you can send over your support for him by dropping this message, but instead it puts your emotions through the wringer. Why did you do this to yourself and him again?

A pause, then a soft sniffle echoing from his end of the line.

“Most of all, I want nothing more than my boyfriend to live his life happily and healthily, because I promise I’ll do the same. The song I wish to dedicate to him is also an English song called Jet Lag by Simple Plan. It’s special because it, along with Hey There Delilah, is a song we’ve listened to a lot before I left for America. I believe that the song would effectively convey all the messages I want to tell him. To my boyfriend: I love you so much, and I’ll see you again on Christmas.”

“And that story is given to us by the user BagOfLuck.”

This time, Wonwoo can’t hold back his amusement, and lets out a huff of laughter, and you find yourself chortling, your hand reaching out to wipe the tears that had dribbled off your face. Of course, you had to sign off with the nickname Wonwoo had given you, the term of endearment coming about from a pun he’s made when your family had abalone.

He lets out a chaste clear of his throat. “Thank you for your story, Miss BagOfLuck. Whoever your boyfriend is, he sure is a lucky man indeed to have you.” Another small cough lets you know how flustered he is from that comment.

You picture him running his hand up and down his nape, his fingers brushing through his short, coarse hair and occasionally bumping against the rim of his favourite pastel blue snapback. His lips will be upturned in a sheepish but pleasant grin, you are able to picture extremely clearly, and you already feel yourself blushing.

“We’ll broadcast your dedications now, please don’t change the station.”

And the music starts again, leaving you alone with your feelings once more. Though you’ve listened to Jet Lag almost a hundred times now, though this is broadcasted to over millions of people in the country, this experience feels all the more personal and emotional for you.

Your vision starts to blur again, but you try to distract yourself with the passing scenery, swallowing back your tears. In your dazed mood, you barely register the seat next to you sinking.

“Hey… Hey! Earth to Baby! Red sun!”

You jump in your seat and throw off your earphones when a fist invades your line of sight, fingers snapping sharply to snatch your attention away.

“Ah, back to Earth now, are we?” the newcomer grins at you, his eyes twinkling through the round frame of his glasses.

The sudden use of English after an hour or so of Korean throws you off slightly. You manage a stunned blink before half-heartedly dipping your head towards him. “Hello, Jae-sunbaenim.”

Jae, or Park Jaehyung, is a sassy final-year student in your course that took you under his wing immediately when he found out that you’re from his home country. Together with him, you hang around with a group of several other students from Asia, mainly Korea. His nickname for you, Baby, he had bestowed upon you as you’re the only freshman, and by extension, the youngest in your group.

The blonde male tips his head at you, his eyebrows crinkling. “Sunbaenim?” he repeats the honour title with an air of incredulity. “Girl, we’re in America now. I’ve been getting you to drop the honorifics since day one of orientation and you still haven’t budged? Come on, what gives?”

You wince slightly, shifting your eyes to the rip of your jeans. “Right… Sorry, Jae.”

He seems to notice the heaviness in your voice. Normally, you’d be retorting with your own snarky remark, so your silent compliance unsettles him. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks with a soft nudge on your arm.

“Huh, oh. Yeah, I’m f-fine,” you stammer a little, your hands hurriedly rubbing any evidence of your emotional episode off your face before clumsily bundling the wires of your earphones into a ball. “Just a little… distracted this morning.”

Jae frowns and scratches his head in confusion. “But it’s too early for you to be this distracted by my good looks…” he mumbles half-to-himself, but softens upon seeing you snort in exasperation at his narcissistic joke. And the both of you ride in comfortable silence, the only sounds being rumbling from the old diesel engine of the bus.

Your phone vibrates yet again, and you revere when you see that it is a text from Wonwoo. You suppress the excited tingles on your fingertips as you punch in your password.

[8:53AM] I miss you too. See you in December

Oh, Wonwoo… You take in a breath of pure happiness, lifting your hand up to your lips to contain your laugh. All negative emotions dissipate, and you’re left with a sense of anticipation for what the future would bring.

Jae notes that you’re lightening up, and nudges you again. “So, ready for your first official day of university?”

A sigh and a serene smile graces your face.

“I am now.”

[4 MONTHS LATER]

“What do you mean you can’t help me set up?”

You grimace and hold your phone a whole foot away from you at Jae’s ear-piercing whine. “It’s seven-thirty in the morning, Your party is almost twelve whole hours later. What kind of party needs this much preparation?”

“Only the biggest Christmas party on the entire campus? Everyone’s going to be there: Amber, Wendy, heck, even freaking Krystal! My entire social life is on the line here, Baby!”

Still tucked in your sheets, you roll your eyes. “What do you mean social life? All you do is stay at home and watch The Office all day.”

“DWIGHT SCHRUTE IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL, DAMN IT!” he cries, obviously offended.

You let out an annoyed groan with half a mind to just throw your phone to the other end of the room, but Wonderland FM will be starting in 30 minutes and you can’t risk any damage to your precious device. Instead, you slap it on the mattress a good metre away from you.

“I KNOW YOU’RE STILL THERE, I CAN SEE THE ENDS OF YOUR STITCH ONESIE, WOMAN.”

“GO AWAY, PARK JAEHYUNG.”

There are sounds of scuffling from Jae’s end of the line, but you can’t care less to look. You just want to end this call as soon as possible so that you can start tuning into Wonwoo’s radio station. You’ve promised Wonwoo during your phone call last week that you’d listen to his broadcast for sure. Lying in your bed with your eyes closed, you can make out mutterings of “She’s not talking to me!” and “I’ll take it from here.”

“Hey, Baby.”

“Matthew oppa!” At the sound of the newcomer’s voice, you eagerly jump out of your covers and practically dive to make a grab for your phone. You’re greeted with the sharp, taut jawline of Matthew, a close senior of yours and Jae’s roommate.

“So he’s Matthew oppa and I’m Go-Away-Park-Jaehyung,” comes Jae’s disgruntled grumbles offscreen. “Fan-freaking-tastic.”

Matthew spares his roommate a look with narrowed eyes before turning back to you. “Don’t mind him, he got off the wrong side of the bed this morning.” “I did not!”

“Anyway, you do you, girl. Enjoy your radio show and I’ll take care of everything. We’ll see you at eight at our place, alright?”

“Thanks, Matt, you’re the best.”

“Oh right, and…” You ponder about the sudden playful smirk that Matthew puts on. “Remember that the invitation comes with a plus one. Feel free to bring a date.”

You raise your eyebrows, wondering if you’ve heard the male correctly. “You… do know I have a boyfriend in Korea, right?”

He shrugs, the roguish grin not slipping. “You know, just a suggestion.”

“O…kay?” you drawl out, thoroughly fuddled. “I’ll see you there.”

“Dude, I thought I told you to convince her to come over! Dude! Matthew! KIM WOOJIN!”

The video call cuts off abruptly after Jae’s outcry, leaving you to stare blankly at your reflection on the screen fathoming Matthew’s odd words. He clearly knows about Wonwoo and his biweekly radio show; lord knows how many times you’ve squealed over a particular episode to him over lunch.

Over the past four months, you’ve earnestly tuned in to your boyfriend’s show and participated by leaving messages under the name BagOfLuck. It has been a unique, yet refreshing way to communicate with him, you admit, but it is undeniable that it has brought the two of you even closer.

Shrugging Matthew’s strange behaviour off as the lingering aftereffects of the alcohol the boys had a generous partaking of last night, you turn on the radio application on your phone. Once again, you indulge in Wonwoo’s music pick for the week: a delightful medley of Christmas carols this time. From your cozy spot within your quilt covers, you glance outside your window. White icy particles flutter down from the sky, gracing your small town with their presence.

You wonder if it’s a White Christmas for him too.

“The following broadcast you are about to listen to is pre-recorded.” Your eyes widen at the default female announcement that came after Wonderland FM’s opening jingle. It’s strange that Wonwoo insisted you listen to his pre-recorded broadcasts, and those don’t happen often either unless he gets too overwhelmed with his schedules.

But the you realise again that it is night in Korea. Your boyfriend is probably hanging out with his circle of twelve close friends. And that’s great; you would want Wonwoo to spend the festive season with his friends and family rather than being holed up in a recording studio, and you’re glad that he’s taken some time off.

“Good evening, you’re now listening to Wonderland FM. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. My name is Jeon Wonwoo.”

“It is the night of 25th December, that means that the long-anticipated Christmas is finally here. I hope you’re all at home spending time with your families. As for me, I’ve pre-recorded today’s broadcast so that I can have some free time to enjoy the holiday. By the time you’re listening to this, I’ll probably be together with my loved ones as well.

Well, realistically speaking, if you are out there enjoying the night with your friends and family, you wouldn’t be listening to this broadcast now, would you? And to those who are spending Christmas alone or away, it’s okay, because my voice will still be here to keep you company for the night.

The weather is cold and will only get colder in the coming weeks, so please dress warmly and keep yourself healthy. As winter deepens, you must remember that your health and safety is of utmost importance.”

The broadcast goes on, and you listen to him as he talks about his song recommendations for the month; Lim Changjung’s I’m Dying to Miss You is your personal favourite, and how he’s planning to start hitting the gym next spring. You doubt it’ll happen; his new year’s resolutions never lasted beyond their first week.

“Oh, and I’ll also be taking some time off to travel. Somewhere like New York would be nice? I heard that there is pretty good pizza, and I really want to meet Lady Liberty.”

You and Wonwoo have actually made plans to bring him to America for a visit over the new year, your itinerary already planned out to the tee, so you find yourself chuckling at his implication. As he draws his show to a conclusion, his final song begins to play. It takes only the first note for goosebumps to erupt all over your skin.

Best Luck! You put the name to the melody playing in your earphones. Your favourite soundtrack from your favourite drama of all time, and Wonwoo knows it too, having spent many nights curled up with you on the couch while watching the reruns. You’ve often drawn similarities between your boyfriend and the male lead, who’s coincidentally also a radio DJ and an eloquent, articulate author.

“And up next, a song that accentuates the importance of seizing the best moments to show your love for ones you hold dear to your heart, reminds us that no matter where we are, there is always someone out there who loves us for who we are. So always remain positive, you never know when something good will come knocking on your door.”

Knock knock!

You practically leap out of your skin when you heard the sound of knuckles rapping against your wooden door.

God, who could be here at such an early hour? Is Jae really this insistent that you’d come over that he has taken the luxury to storm into your personal space?

I swear to god if he’s standing outside that door, I would take great pleasure in hurling his precious guitar off the school building.

You reluctantly shifted out of your comfortable position from your bed and dragged your feet towards the door.

“Jae, I dare you to take one more step-” You throw open the door.

“Hey, babe.”

“Jeon Wonwoo?!”