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spencers-renaissance · 3 years

Text

storm-darkened or starry bright

Summary: Spencer contracts HIV. It all falls apart after that.

Tags: angst, illness, hurt!spencer, hurt/comfort, worried derek, depression, mutual pining, getting together, angst w a happy ending

TW: vomit, implied/referenced sex and addiction, disordered thinking, depression as a result of medical diagnosis

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 6.5k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

(I've tagged my usual moreid taglist in this fic, but I won't be offended at all if this is too heavy for you!)

Title from "Where All My Books Go" - W.B. Yeats.

Originally inspired by J_Ballinger's Swift, Fierce & Obscene which is just a brilliant piece of art.

you said I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn’t say it out loud — richard siken, litany in which certain things are crossed out

It starts with the flu.

He calls into work sick and he makes himself comfortable in bed, preparing to ride it out. It is the middle of January after all, and their last case saw them in Ann Arbor, shivering their way through each crime scene and a police station with abysmal heating.

His lymph nodes are swollen, and he’s running a moderate fever — 102 the last time he checked — and the cough he’s had for a couple of days is definitely getting nastier, but he uses the time to catch up on the documentaries he’s had stored on his DVR for the past couple of months. He tries to see it as a positive: he never gets time to rest like this. Warm soup, chamomile tea, and some Nyquil should be the end of it.

He makes the most of it. He gets better. He goes back to work, and life goes on.

“It’s not like you to get sick, Reid.”

Emily doesn’t mean anything by it, it’s about as innocuous as a comment can possibly be, but something about it makes his heart stop for a second. Because the thing is, she’s right. The last time he was actually sick was the anthrax poisoning three years ago, which can hardly be blamed on his body itself. He hasn’t been sick with a virus since he was a child — certainly not anything more than a mild winter cold.

His world turns upside down in the middle of a Tuesday, a couple of them gathered around Derek’s desk laughing about nothing in particular, the easy camaraderie of a close-knit team without a time-sensitive case on their minds.

Three and a half weeks ago: a night heady with alcohol in a gay bar in downtown DC, a charged encounter with a man just Spencer’s type, a whispered invitation back to his place, not making it past the bathroom…

He pales, suddenly feeling violently ill at the prospect of what’s happened, how badly he’s fucked up this time.

“Spencer, are you okay?” Emily asks, suddenly noticing his appearance. “You look really pale… maybe you’re not ready to be back at work yet.”

Forcing himself out of his stupor, he manages to open his mouth without vomiting. “I don’t feel so good,” he says, and even to him his voice sounds weak and distant. Blood roars in his ears, and all he can think is what that blood could very well be tainted with.

Far away voices discuss something he doesn’t pay attention to before Derek’s placing his hand on his shoulder, drawing him back into the discussion. “I’m gonna drive you home, okay?” Emily isn’t standing at the desk anymore, but he doesn’t think to look around for her, just locks eyes with Derek: noticing his brows knit deeply in concern, worry clouding his dark, striking eyes.

He lets himself be led down to the garage. Later, he won’t remember any of the winding car journey home, Derek’s worried sideways glances, his attempts at making conversation, tucking him into bed, his hesitancy to leave and go back to work. He’ll just remember the weight of his realisation, the sinking acknowledgement of what this means.

What it makes him.

⭐️

The next day, he wakes up ravenously hungry. He doesn’t remember anything after the dreaded realisation, but he remembers that he came to it only minutes after eating lunch: meaning he’s gone over eighteen hours without food. Somehow, he manages to pick himself out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. He finishes it all and doesn’t taste a single bite.

He texts the group chat Penelope had made for the whole team last year, ignoring the dozens of anxious messages from his team already filling his phone. Won’t be in.

Almost on auto-pilot, he gets dressed, picks up his phone, wallet, and keys, and walks to his nearest metro station. He counts four stops, gets out of the carriage and walks up the stairs onto the street, weaving through exactly three streets until he finds himself staring at the sign for his Urgent Care clinic.

Words — not ashes, as some small part of him anticipates — manage to spill from his lips as he tells the doctor everything from the unprotected sex he vaguely recalls having on the night of Saturday the 12th of March to his brief flu-like symptoms to his sickly realisation yesterday. Vaguely, he thinks there’s some sort of sick humour in being able to recall exactly what day he had sex, but not the details of the sex itself. Alcohol and dilaudid are the only things that have ever been able to interfere with his memory.

He obediently opens his mouth for a saliva swab, lets the nurse prick his finger and collect a drop of his blood. He wonders if she knows what they’re testing him for. He wonders if she thinks he’s as dirty as he feels, if she’ll violently scrub her hands after smiling politely at him, if she’ll roll her eyes when she talks to the other nurses, lamenting his stupidity.

The sounds of the waiting room melt into the background as he waits for the test to be conducted, and judging by the tone of the nurse who gets his attention when it’s time to return to the doctor’s office, it’s not her first attempt.

He mutters a distracted apology as he gets up from his seat, but she just smiles sympathetically. It shouldn’t get his back up in the way it does.

“I’m afraid you have tested positive for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, Dr Reid,” she tells him, her voice gentle but straight-forward. He’s at least glad she doesn’t try and soften the blow. It’s not a blow that deserves to be softened. “I know this is a shock, but—”

“It’s not a shock.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s not a shock,” he repeats insistently; impatiently. “I knew it was coming. It’s my own fault.”

“Playing blame games isn’t going to help anybody here, Dr Reid,” she says firmly, meeting his eye. “Whether you were expecting it or not, this would knock anyone off-kilter, and I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that.”

She waits for his reluctant nod before continuing. “The good news is that we’ve caught it early enough to contain the infection. Your CD4 levels are very good, and you do not meet AIDS criteria. I’ve referred you to Dr Frederiks at George Washington University Hospital. He’s an expert in Infectious Disease and specialises in HIV/AIDS treatment. He can see you tomorrow at ten o’clock.”

He arrives back at his apartment almost $300 out of pocket, having gained nothing but a positive HIV diagnosis. The FBI has brilliant healthcare insurance but Spencer ticked the ‘no’ box on the insurance form. He can’t risk anybody knowing about this.

He texts Hotch and tells him he has a doctor’s appointment in the morning and will let him know whether he’ll make it in for the afternoon. Then he lays on the sofa, and cries.

⭐️

“HIV is a chronic illness,” the doctor explains at four minutes past ten the next morning, “a latent infection. Not a death sentence. Medications have come leaps and bounds in the last ten years, and the regimes aren’t anywhere near as rigorous as they used to be. With your CD4 levels this good, your life really won’t be much different than it was a few weeks ago.”

Spencer’s never had much interest in medicine — after all, there’s a reason he’s not that kind of doctor — but he knows this much. He doesn’t tell the doctor that he’s wasting his time explaining the basics of the disease, just stares blankly at the point in between his eyes, staring at the small crease in his skin, the way it moves as he speaks.

“It’s likely that you’ll die of something else, Dr Reid, decades in the future. When managed correctly, HIV is rarely deadly.”

This seems irrelevant: it doesn’t matter to Spencer what he dies of. Whether his immune system gives in or he’s shot in the line of duty or drops dead in the street from an aneurysm he doesn’t see coming, he’ll be dead.

He still doesn’t say anything.

“For the first six months of infection, the risk of transmission to sexual partners is high,” he continues, unfazed by Spencer’s lack of response. “Are you in a relationship?”

“No.” It’s the first word he’s spoken since he entered this office. His voice breaks. He can’t have the person he wants: this feels like the nail in the coffin of a relationship dead on arrival.

A look of sympathy crosses Dr Frederik’s face. “In any casual encounters you may engage in, you’ll need to be extra careful. Do you have the contact details of the person you contracted this from?”

His voice is steadier this time. “No.”

“Do you have any suspicion that you were deliberately infected by them?”

“No,” he answers, because he doesn’t, but it occurs to him that he’ll never actually know. He doesn’t remember if they used a condom; if he even wanted to use one. (All he remembers is his muscles and the way he pretended he was Derek, the amused look on the other man’s face when he whispered his name like a prayer.)

“That’s fine,” the doctor smiles encouragingly. It feels patronising. “We’re going to start with a triple combination of medications: tenofovir and emtricitabine combined with dolutegravir. HIV is an adaptable virus and easily becomes resistant, so it’s best to attack it hard and fast as early as possible to give you your best chances at an undetectable viral load in the next year. Which, I might add, Dr Reid, is a completely reasonable goal. At that stage, you will not be all that infectious. You’ll have bloods drawn before you leave to estimate your baseline kidney and liver function as well as overall health. In three months, you’ll have another test, and in six months, we’ll assess how well the drugs are working for you.”

Spencer nods, his eyes not leaving the crease between Dr Frederik’s eyebrows.

“Make those appointments with my secretary on your way out, and contact me if you have any concerns.” He pushes a brown paper envelope across the desk. “Inside you’ll find a copy of your positive test result, your prescriptions, and a number of leaflets on the condition as a whole.”

He squashes the urge to push the envelope back across the desk and nods again.

“Pick up the medication before the end of today and start them either tonight or in the morning,” he advises, before standing up from behind the desk and walking towards the door.

Spencer follows obediently, nodding once more and forcing a grimace onto his face, before walking down the hallway towards the secretary, another stranger he has to share his secret with. Swallowing down the urge to either scream or vomit, he fiddles with the envelope in his hands and bites the bullet.

⭐️

He tells Hotch that he won’t be in that day, and he goes home and forces himself to get it together. He showers first, the hot water washing the grime of the last few days down the drain, but he can’t do anything about the lingering layer of shame clinging to his skin. For the first time since the realisation, he forces himself to look in the mirror. A thin, pallid man with bags under his eyes and the look of someone harbouring a secret looks back at him.

His hair has grown out a little in the last few months, actual curls visible around his face (memories flash across his mind of breathy gasps; a hand buried in his hair, pulling ever-so-gently but they’re gone before they’re even remotely tangible), and he lost a little bit of weight he couldn’t afford to lose during his symptomatic period.

But, as frustrating as it is, it’s not what he sees. Not really. He sees Spencer Reid, possessor of five degrees, soon to become six, expert analyst in the FBI, the man who listens to jazz when he studies and watches documentaries for fun and solves crossword puzzles on the metro.

Something inside him shifts as he’s reminded of his humanity in that moment. It’s the most okay he’s felt in the last forty-eight hours.

He’ll take it.

He goes back to work the next day with little fanfare, getting warm smiles and ‘glad you’re feeling better’s from the team before they’re plunged headfirst into a new case, as it so often goes. They fly to Vermont, and part of him is glad for the distraction: no more talking about his illness, no more self-pity — he’s forced to try and bridge the gap between Dr Spencer Reid, Before and Dr Spencer Reid, HIV Positive as quickly and seamlessly as possible.

He does what he’s good at: offers relevant, detailed facts, profiles the victims and the unsub, cites studies that help them get to the bottom of the case, and for a moment he allows himself to forget about the virus coursing through his blood and the feeling of shame he can’t quite shake no matter how clean he scrubs his skin.

They get to the hotel late that evening and Spencer takes his second dose of medication, individually popping each tablet from it’s sheet into his hand. The pharmacist he spoke to yesterday told him that from his next medication order they can put all three tablets into a blister packet for him, but for now he’s stuck punching through three different plastic packets every night. Derek asks him to join them at the bar for a drink, but Spencer turns him down. He’s barely been able to look him in the eye.

If, in some rare and far flung universe, Derek did want to date Spencer, he wouldn’t want to date HIV positive, ex-addict, reckless and unsafe Spencer.

He wouldn’t want to date a man so heartbroken and lovesick that he got black-out drunk and slept with someone — most likely without a condom — just because he bared a passing resemblance to Derek. Contracting the Human Immunodeficiency Virus in the process.

No.

Spencer spends the evening staring into the mirror instead, desperately trying to find the man he was four days ago under the burden of broken suffering he seems to have picked up along with the diagnosis, the positive test, the sympathetic doctors.

When he hears the others come up past midnight and pile into their hotel rooms, laughing and chattering among themselves, Spencer still hasn’t looked away.

The use of the case as a distraction only works until 11am the next day. He’d had trouble falling asleep, and he’s powering through the day fuelled by black coffee and raw determination alone, but those motivators — as effective as they can be — can’t stop his legs from shaking as he stares at the geo-profile, searching for what they’re missing.

It sucks, but he’s glad for the warning the shaking gives him. He finds a chair and sits down, which is likely the only thing that stops him from collapsing when black dots swim in his vision and he’s suddenly vomiting down his front.

“Reid!” Hotch cries, running from the other end of the police station to where he’s sitting, panic clear on his face. They’re the only two from their unit currently in the station, but Hotch quickly locates an officer and turns to him. “Call an ambulance.”

“No,” Spencer manages to protest, although it only makes him want to be sick again, “‘m fine, promise.”

“What’s going on? I thought the flu had passed? Healthy people don’t spontaneously vomit and almost pass out, Reid.”

Somehow, his addled brain manages to concoct a decent enough lie. “Keep thinking I’m better,” he mumbles, leaning forward to put his head between his legs as Hotch places a hand on his back, “and then I’m not.”

“You’re sure this is just the flu?” Hotch asks, concerned but at least appearing to believe him.

“Certain,” Spencer lies.

Hotch nods once before shaking his head at the officer on standby with a phone to call an ambulance. “Well, you can’t work the case like this,” he sighs. “We need to get you back to the hotel, okay? You can rest there. God, Reid, what did the doctor say?”

“Bad case of the flu. Gave me some strong Tamiflu and told me I’d be fine in a couple days.” He gasps the words out in between intense waves of nausea, clasping his hands together in an iron grip.

He absolutely can’t let Hotch catch on. In the nine years he’s worked at the FBI, he’s managed to conceal his sexuality below layers upon layers of closeting, and he’s not about to be forced out now. It started as a purely protectionist strategy — law enforcement in the early 2000s didn’t exactly have a stellar reputation when it came to tolerance — but then he just felt forced too deep, felt the web of lies spun too tightly around him to even begin to unpick them.

Terror seizes his heart at the idea of his team knowing who he really is: not because he expects homophobia or backlash, but because he’s not sure he’s ready to live that openly yet. He’s never been good with change, and this is no exception.

It doesn’t help that the whole team is all too aware of his past addiction. He dreads the thought of them thinking he’s using again and, worse, so irresponsibly that he managed to contract HIV.

Hotch gets a rookie officer to drive him back to the hotel, and she keeps sending him nervous glances, most likely worried he’ll stink up her immaculately kept squad car with his spontaneous vomiting. Both he and the car make the journey unscathed, although he knows he probably looks as green as he feels as he drags himself up the stairs — could there possibly be a worse time for an out of order elevator? — and somehow manages to make it to the bed before he collapses.

Unfortunately, his restful slumber doesn’t last long. He’s woken up not half an hour later with the intense need to be sick again, and he races to the toilet, where he spends the next two hours: intermittently slumped over it, being sick into it, and lying on the cold tiles next to it.

It feels like a punishment. If Spencer was a religious man he’d be certain God was smiting him for his sins, but instead he’s left instead pondering karma or fate or some other theory he doesn’t really buy into either. Logically, he knows it’s just a combination of guilt and regret — he made a mistake, he’s suffering the consequences; there’s no fate or religion or karma involved — but his delirious, out of sorts mind struggles to hold on to that.

Reason doesn’t make the nausea any less crippling, after all.

Eventually, he must manage to pass out on the bathroom floor, because he’s being shaken awake by a pair of gentle hands, and when he finally opens his eyes, it’s dark outside.

“Spence?”

Shit. Derek.

His eyes fly open and he fights to sit up, to make himself more presentable. The smell of vomit lingers in the air and he remembers that he didn’t even put the toilet seat down, let alone flush it. (At least he thought to change out of his vomit-covered shirt. Thank God for small mercies.) He blushes, and thinks he must look a pretty picture of red and green as he finally meets Derek’s eyes.

“God, Spence, how bad is this flu?” he asks worriedly, smoothing his hair with the palm of his hand. Despite himself, Spencer finds himself pressing back into the touch, relishing any contact he can get.

Then it hits him: he’s dirty. He can’t contaminate Derek like this.

“You should leave,” he asserts hurriedly as he pulls away, hating that desperation is so obvious in his voice. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve cleaned everything up, and I used gloves. I’ve been in contact with you the last couple of days, so if you were going to get me sick you would’ve already. I just want to be here for you.”

Spencer squeezes his eyes closed so tightly they hurt. He wants nothing more than to fold himself into Derek’s arms, let himself be comforted by the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with. But he can’t. There are so many reasons that he can’t.

“No,” he says, not opening his eyes, resenting the tear that slips out and spills down his cheek. “You can’t. I’m… I’m not safe to be around.”

He doesn’t really mean to say it, but it escapes anyway, and he opens his eyes just in time to see the confusion cross Derek’s face. “Not safe to…? Spencer, what—”

“I just… I need to be alone.”

“No, you don’t,” Derek says softly, bringing a hand to his hair again, and he knows that HIV isn’t transmitted through sweat or vomit but he’s dirty, and Derek is so so good, he can’t be responsible for tainting him. Derek doesn’t relent, though, not even when Spencer pulls away from his touch and shrinks in on himself, leaning against the toilet. “You need to allow yourself to be comforted. You need to let me help, Spencer.”

Suddenly, he feels incredibly tired: the energy seeping out of his body, and he’s boneless against the toilet, absent even of the effort to hold himself upright.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” He puts his arms around Spencer’s rolled up body and lifts him, holding him close to his chest as he carries him from the bathroom to the bed.

Spencer doesn’t just let him, he curls into his embrace, clinging to the material of his t-shirt like it’s his only grip on reality.

(Later, he’ll blame the fever, but deep down he knows that just once, he wanted to play pretend, and just once, he didn’t have the energy to stop himself.)

⭐️

The side effects take weeks to finally leave, his body having a hard time adjusting to not only a deadly virus in his bloodstream, but some of the strongest drugs on the market inhibiting his natural enzyme production. Eventually, though, he’s back at work properly, selling a story about a simultaneous gastro-intestinal virus making the flu exponentially worse.

He’s not really sure everyone believes him, but nobody questions it out loud, so he avoids everyone’s eyes and takes it as a win.

Nobody gets close enough to try, anyway. He pushes everyone away, holds them at arm's length no matter how much they kick and scream and claw their way closer to him. It surprises him how persistent Derek is, and for a moment he feels a sad flutter of hope in his stomach and he’s forced to stamp it down: Derek sees him as a brother, a friend, a colleague, not a potential romantic partner.

And it would be irrelevant, even if he did. Derek wouldn’t want him as any of those things if he knew what he was hiding. Ever since his lapse in judgement on the case in Vermont, he’s refused to spend any time alone with Derek, and he hates the hurt he sees in his eyes, hates that he can’t scream at him that this is for his own good. But he can’t know. Because Spencer is still ruled by his relentless selfish desires, and he can’t let Derek go, no matter how hard he tries to.

Kept at arm’s length at least means he’s still touching his shoulders.

He muddles through the next few months on his own, returning to his quiet apartment every night and eating a sad, lonely dinner on his sad, lonely sofa before punching his way through a blister pack, taking his tablets, and going to sleep. He turns down drinks invitations, declines phone calls, ignores text messages. He pretends he isn’t home when there are knocks at his door.

He takes showers that are too hot and cries on the metro, scrubs his fingernails and his face, and when he got a shallow knife wound on a case last month, wouldn’t let a single member of the team near him. Whispering his status, shame-faced, to the attending EMT.

This is it, he thinks one night, as he opens the microwave and takes out the mac-and-cheese ready meal he’d bought on the way home that night. He doesn’t even like mac-and-cheese. It was just the only thing left in the store at 8.30pm. This is my life now. Standing in my kitchen at 9.15pm, not being able to remember the last time I was actually happy.

(He does remember, really. It was Sunday the 13th of March, 9.37am: Derek had ruffled his hair and joked with him as they waited alone in the conference room to find out what was so urgent they were being called into work on the weekend for. Spencer could still feel the aftermath of his Saturday night tryst, and pretended for a brief few minutes that that encounter was with Derek, and those jokes were actually flirting. But then the case took over, then the flu symptoms, and then. Well.)

Before he can carry the mac-and-cheese into the living room, though, there’s a knock at the door. Everyone had mostly given up on turning up unannounced, so it catches him off-guard, and something in him, some vain flicker of hope, or maybe a masochistic desire to hurt even more, propels him forward until he’s opening it and coming face to face with Derek Morgan.

“Spencer,” he says urgently, and panic immediately grips Spencer as he wonders what could be so wrong that he’d need to show up out of the blue, but Derek must see it on his face. “Nothing’s happened, don’t worry, I just… I need to speak to you.”

A knot of something that Spencer can’t quite place tightens in his stomach as he stares at the myriad of emotions playing across Derek’s face, but he steps aside to let him in anyway. He closes the door behind them and feels a flash of embarrassment at the state of his apartment. It’s completely clean — his already rigorous attitude towards germ and cleanliness have only intensified in the last few months as paranoia plagued his mind relentlessly — but it’s barren of any joy, and it couldn’t be more obvious.

The furniture is drab and Spencer’s packed away all the photos and trinkets that used to litter the entire place because they just made him too sad to look at. The only life that remains is his books, and the sheet he’d hung to cover them up in a fit of rage a couple of weeks ago still hangs there limply. He hadn’t wanted to see his books: didn’t want the temptation of touching them and tainting them. What if he got a papercut on one of the pages and his virus-ridden blood spilled across the words he treasures so dearly?

He watches as Derek surveys the place with a sad expression on his face, before recollecting himself and turning back to Spencer.

“I know you’ve been pulling away from us, Spence,” he says, almost breathless as he takes a seat on the sofa. Spencer doesn’t know what to do with his body, so he settles on remaining where he is: stock still facing the couch, his hands buried deep in his trouser pockets. “We’ve watched you become a shell of who you used to be, and we’re all worried about you—”

“I don’t—”

“No, just let me speak. Everyone is worried, and I am too, but… I’m also… I’m hurt, Spencer. You’re pushing me away, turning me down every time I try to get close to you, and it’s painful because you’re my friend. You’re my best friend, and you mean the world to me.”

I wouldn’t if you knew my secret, he thinks miserably, but he doesn’t say anything.

“More than anything, though, it hurts… because I’m in love with you.”

Spencer stares. He’s hallucinating, he has to be.

“And I know — well, I don’t know because we’ve never talked about it — but I know you’re probably straight and even if you were interested in guys, too, who’s to say you’d be in love with me back? But I had to tell you because our relationship is heading south anyway, plummeting straight for the ground, and I figured it couldn’t hurt, I just… say something? Please?”

He doesn’t mean to say it.

“I’m HIV positive.”

It’s Derek’s turn to stare. Spencer can’t meet his eyes, and suddenly feeling like he needs to Get Out, he rushes to the kitchen and picks up his rapidly cooling mac-and-cheese. He gets a fork out and faces the countertop, away from Derek, as he starts to shovel unsatisfying bites into his not-hungry stomach.

It can’t even be a full minute later that he hears footsteps behind him. “You have AIDS?”

He sets the mac-and-cheese back on the counter. “No,” he answers, not turning around. “I tested positive for HIV; I don’t meet AIDS criteria. My CD4 levels are apparently very good, and the medication I’m taking is proving effective in controlling and managing the virus. I don’t have side effects anymore, and I don’t feel any different than I did before I contracted it.”

There’s a beat of silence. “And this is why you’ve been pulling away from us?”

Spencer hesitates before nodding shamefully, his eyes burning a hole in his dinner. “I didn’t know how to tell anyone, and I—” He’s cut off by a heaving sob. It catches him by surprise, but suddenly he’s choking on emotion: everything he’s been through, everything he’s been dealing with alone for so long a burden he no longer knows how to carry.

“Oh, baby,” Derek breathes, rushing forward and turning Spencer until his face is pressed into his neck and their arms are wrapped around one another. The nickname only furthers his emotion, falling apart completely in such a way that makes him unsure he’ll ever be put back together again. “I’m so sorry.”

He lets Spencer cry it out until his sobs recede and his tears slow, and he feels confident enough to pull away and meet Derek’s eye properly again. It feels like a reconnection; a reconciliation of sorts, and his breath catches at the emotion on his face. He’d expected a meddle of sympathy and disgust, but all he finds is compassion and love, tinged by a sadness Spencer supposes probably comes from watching the man you’ve just professed to love fall apart like that.

Oh wait. Derek just told him—

“You love me?” His voice comes out quieter and shyer than he’d hoped, and not nearly as incredulous as he’d intended, but Derek softens anyway.

“Yes,” he says emphatically. “So much. And if you think you telling me this is going to change how I feel even a bit, then you’re dead wrong, Spencer.”

It’s suddenly too much to think that everything he’d feared happening for the last few months was wrong, and he’s gasping for breath again, sinking to the ground to bury his face in his hands.

“Spence?” Derek asks worriedly, following him to the floor. “Oh, God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No… please, you’ve done nothing wrong.” He takes a deep breath, trying to recenter himself, ground himself in the reality that’s unfolding before him, no matter how different it might look than that of his anticipation. “You know, the man. Um, the man I… contracted this from. I slept with him because he looked like you.”

He looks up and meets Derek’s eyes again, searching for anything in them to confirm that he was thinking all the thoughts Spencer feared and coming up empty. “I was so heartsick that I got blind-drunk and slept with a complete stranger because it was the closest to you I ever thought I’d get and then I was just so scared of what everyone would say when I found out. I know logically that HIV doesn’t make someone dangerous or unclean, but I just couldn’t shake this feeling of shame, you know? I was constantly panicked that I’d pass it to one of you. Besides, I’m not even out to the team, and I know the implications of a disease like this: gay or an IV drugs user — I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I was both. I’m clean, and I’ve stayed clean, I just…”

“Hey, I get it,” Derek says gently, reaching out a hand and cupping Spencer’s cheek gently. “I think if I was in the same boat I probably would’ve reacted in exactly the same way. You can’t be blamed for bowing to a social stigma this heavy, Spence. I’m just sorry I didn’t realise what was going on sooner. And even sorrier, for that matter, that I didn’t tell you I was in love with you before this even had a chance to happen.”

Spencer smiles a little at that. “Hey, I didn’t tell you either. I don’t blame you at all. Neither of us were out and confessing something like that is no small feat.”

“I suppose so.”

Spencer shifts a little in his position on the floor, the raging storm of emotion that he’s been drowning under for the past four and a half months quieting for the very first time. He breathes deeply for a few seconds before working up the courage to ask the question he really wants the answer to. “I know you said that this doesn’t change the way you feel—”

“And it doesn’t.”

“Yeah,” Spencer nods, because suddenly he gets that. He isn’t sure what took so long. “But does it make you not want to be in a relationship with me?”

“Spencer, no.” Derek’s voice is urgent as he makes intense eye contact with him, raising a gentle finger to his chin. “It doesn’t change a single. thing. I don’t know much about HIV, I’ll admit, but I do know that these days you can get to a point where it doesn’t transmit to partners. And we can be really safe about it. I’ll do all the research to make you comfortable, but Spencer, even if it did mean that we could never have sex, I’d still want you. I want you so badly, pretty boy.”

He can hardly believe his ears. “Really?”

“Really.” He swipes his thumb across his cheek, catching a falling tear. “I’m hopelessly, desperately in love with you, Spencer. I have been for years. You can ask, Penelope: she’s been putting up with my pining like a saint, but I’m not sure she could’ve taken it much longer.”

“I’ve been in love with you for years, too.” Another tear falls as the prospect of what’s about to happen really sinks in.

“Can I?” Derek murmurs, as he inches closer ever so slowly.

“Please,” Spencer whispers, barely finishing the word before their lips are colliding and a flurry of butterflies break out in his stomach as his chest glows with the warmth of a kiss he’s long been aching for. Derek’s hands find his waist, his jaw, his cheek, his hair, exploring his body ever so softly as he kisses him with the same inquisitive gentleness, managing to take him apart with just his lips and his hands.

“God,” he whispers as he finally pulls away, pressing his forehead to Spencer’s as he struggles to hide his wide grin. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve dreamed of that. I’m gonna be like a teenage girl tonight, running my fingers across my lips as I remember every minute of it.”

Spencer giggles at that. “Well you can rest easy in the knowledge that I’ll be doing the same.” He pulls away slightly and looks down for a second before looking back up into Derek’s earnest gaze. “I’ve never been kissed like that before.”

“I’ll kiss you like that every day for as long as you’ll have me.” He doesn’t hesitate to lean back in, connecting their lips again as they melt into one another’s touches, and it makes Spencer laugh later that the most intimate and passionate encounter of his life so far happened on the kitchen floor.

They pull apart as soon as it heats up a little bit, and pain flashes across both of their expressions at the thought of why.

“There’s this thing called PrEP,” Spencer says, still a little ashamed of his situation, that Derek has to be protected against him before they can take this any further. “It’s medication that you take before and after sex with a HIV positive person that blocks the virus from entering your bloodstream if you were to somehow contract it. And we can wear condoms. And once I reach an undetectable viral load, it means the virus is untransmittable, and you won’t contract it even if we’re unprotected.”

Derek blinks. “Wow, that’s… that’s better than I thought.”

“Really? You’re still okay with all this?”

He softens. “Pretty boy, I am so okay with all this, and I’m sorry that you spent so long thinking otherwise. We have time to figure all this out, but what matters is that right now, I have you next to me, and we love each other. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” He smiles, and leans forward to kiss Derek chastely. “I do.”

“Now, how about we bin that disgusting mac-and-cheese and order some Chinese?” he suggests, matching Spencer’s smile. “We could eat it in bed and watch one of those documentaries you’re always talking about.”

Spencer laughs fondly. “You want our first date to be eating takeaway and watching a science documentary in bed?”

“Well it sounds perfect to me.”

“Yeah, it sounds pretty perfect to me, too,” Spencer whispers, the happiness in his chest feeling warm and inviting, begging him to bask in the moment for as long as he can.

They’ll work out the specifics later — they’ll get Derek started on PrEP and attend Spencer’s appointments to measure his viral load, they’ll have important and serious conversations about the risks to both of them, they’ll work out what their relationship means for work, how they’ll begin to repair the damage the last few months have done to Spencer’s mental health — but right now, none of that matters.

All that does is: the buffet of Chinese food Derek lays out on a blanket on Spencer’s bed, the documentary about bees playing on the TV, and the thrilled little glances thrown each other’s way, the stolen kisses and casual touches, the love palpable in the air around them. And later, when the food is eaten, and the documentary is playing the credits: Spencer’s tired head resting on Derek’s loving chest, and the syncing of their heartbeats as they fall asleep to the sound of each other.

This shouldn't have to be said but please do not use fanfiction as sex education and PLEASE practice safe sex. As far as I know, all the information included in this fic is correct, but I have no personal experience with HIV/AIDS, and this is very much written from an outsider's perspective - albeit a thoroughly researched one.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @jellejareau @reidology @i-like-buttons @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @im-autistic-not-stupid (taglist form)

#cm #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds writing #derek morgan #spencer reid #moreid #moreid fic #moreid angst #hurt spencer reid #derek morgan/spencer reid #derek morgan x spencer reid #spencer reid/derek morgan #spencer reid x derek morgan #my writing

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anxietysroomsupport · 3 years

Note

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order. And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in. I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it. Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.

You are dealing with So. Much. Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation. It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions. It’s just reality.

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later. Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with. It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle. Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep. Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you. The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit. It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake. That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties. That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much. Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist. You might research online for any used ones as well. A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation. You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future. It’s a lot to process. But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general. Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending your physical therapy sessions. We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy. You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain. Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body. Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

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hekate1308 · 5 years

Text

Stay, Fictober #8

Prompt number: 8, “Can you stay?”

Fandom (AU if applicable): Endeavour, Morse/Joan

Rating: G

Warnings/Tags: No warnings apply

She’s turning to leave, and so should he. She just told him to save the world for her, and it’s all he can do, apparently.

Instead, the words come out of his mouth. “Can you stay?”

She stops. “Morse, I just told you –“

“Yes, you said he gave you a few weeks. Don’t run out into the night. Not now. Stay. Get some rest. And if you want, we can get your stiff together. Tomorrow.” He speaks fast, unsure. Has no idea how to talk to someone who just refused his marriage proposal.

She contemplates his words, then quietly says, “I will.”

He’s more relieved than he can say.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he returns to his flat, it’s much later, there’s another bump on his head, and his ears are still ringing.

He expected her to leave, but here she still is, currently making dinner.

“What –“ he begins.

“I figured you’d have nothing at your place, so I went out and got something to eat. And I suppose I should too, for the… you know…” she trails off, then turns around, her eyes widening. “Morse! What happened?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s classified. Really” he adds when he sees her sceptical look. “If I could tell you, I would.”

Her eyes soften. “Sit down. You need to rest.”

“So do you” he reminds her.

“Morse, I’m pregnant, not ill.”

It’s the first time she’s spoken the word out loud.

They fall silent.

She’s a good cook he supposes she learned it from her mother. “We can get your things tomorrow” he finally suggests.

“Oh Morse, you would really –“

“Yes I would.”

She smiles and reaches out to squeeze his hand. “Thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

He wonders if she really things all of this is just pity. If she’s been hurt so badly she can’t tell anymore when people love her.

He’s starting to think he knows the feeling.

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Ray doesn’t show up as they pack, for which Morse is grateful. He’s taken a few personal days which Superintendent Bright was only too happy to grant; Joan (“Stop it with Miss Thursday, it’s too late for that”) has called home but so far managed to avoid going there, if only so her mother won’t see the bruise. A few more days and she’ll able to cover it up with makeup, she says.

Meanwhile, she’s staying with Morse, in a parody of what could have been if he was worth it and she’d said yes.

He tells himself not to drown in self-pity. There’s someone he has to take care of.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days pass quickly. On his insistence, Joan does rest a little, and on hers, Morse eats more and drinks less than he usually would. They take turns choosing the music during the evenings.

She says she might go see her family at the end of the week but probably (with a laugh) considering what her father did to Ray, won’t tell them where she’s been staying.

He’s glad to hear her laugh again.

He doesn’t mind her staying for as long as she wants, and she falls strangely silent when he tells her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She does go to seer her parents, but comes back to him – one final time, as he tells himself. It doesn’t matter. They’re glad she’ll be moving back in, although they don’t know about the baby yet. He supposes they will, in time; there are some things you can’t hide.

“I – I’ve been thinking” she finally says at the end of her telling Morse about the successful visit (apart from everything else, he’ll be glad to see Mrs. Thursday smile again in the mornings).

“That’s new?” he asks, since he’s learned that she liked him to be wilfully obtuse now and then. He’s learned a lot in the past week.

And especially how much he will miss her when she moves out.

As it turns out, he was wrong about that last bit.

Because she gently takes his hand. “You’ve done an awful lot for me, Endeavour.” For once, he doesn’t correct someone when they use their first name. “And it’s getting harder to think you’re doing all of this out of pity.”

Because he’s not.

“And so I thought – I mean I know I said no but perhaps – no, I definitely should have said yes. And maybe if we – if we see more of each other, you would be – I mean you could perhaps ask again one day –“

There is only one thing he can answer and he hastens to interrupt her. “Joan, will you marry me?”

This time, the answer is different.

This time, he doesn’t have to ask her to stay.

When she draws back from their first kiss, she smiles. “I can’t wait to hear what Mum and Dad have to say.”

#my writings #fictober19 #endeavour #british detectives #endeavour morse #joan thursday #happily ignoring inspector morse canon once more

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kitty-bandit · 5 years

Text

Just Friends

Rating: E Fandom: Original Setting Pairing: Orha x Akihiko (OCs owned by @kandasboi) Tags: Drama™; Romance; Dealing with an Ex; A/B/O Dynamics(ish); Heat Sex; Sex; Oral Sex; Anal Sex; Anal Fingering; Multiple Orgasms; Barebacking

I’m back again, and this time with a commission for @kandasboi! The request was for his OCs. If you want to read the other two fics I’ve written for him involving these OCs, you can find them here and here.

If you’d like to commission me, check out my commission info!

Keep walking. Don’t turn around—

Orha kept his gaze forward, looking straight ahead as he quickened his pace in the hope that Malakai would give up pursuit. He hunched his shoulders, holding his books tight to his chest and clenching his jaw as he speed-walked through campus. But that subtle hint, and his not-so-subtle body language, didn’t dissuade his ex from taking chase. Hurried footsteps echoed behind him and he heard Malakai call his name—louder this time—as he closed the distance between them. Finally, a strong hand gripped his shoulder and yanked him to a stop before he could cross the street.

“Didn’t you hear me? I was calling you for half a block.”

Out of breath, Orha turned and looked up at Malakai’s handsome face. He hated that he still thought of him as handsome, even after all the shit he had put him through. But it was hard not to see his beauty—that strong, muscled body and pretty face framed with the softest brown and gray ombre hair. He wished Malakai looked as ugly on the outside as he did inside, that the world would work like that sometimes. It would make it easier to see people for who they really were—before you gave them the chance to hurt you.

“What do you want?” Orha refused to meet his brown eyes, instead staring at the courtyard and watching a squirrel forage under a tree. His heart refused to calm itself, beating a mile a minute as he waited for Malakai to speak his peace.

Malakai rummaged through his messenger bag and pulled out a thickly bound book. “Here, I found this and I thought you’d like it.”

He shoved the book into Orha’s arms, leaving Orha scrambling to keep from dropping his other books in the process. Orha bit his lip to keep from snapping, but couldn’t stifle an exasperated sigh. After rearranging the books in his arms, he looked down at the one Malakai had given him. It was a history book, and one he’d wanted for a while. He hadn’t purchased it because of the price, though. And Malakai just...

Orha shook his head and met Malakai’s gaze. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence. He had to be faking it—Malakai wasn’t that dumb. Orha had learned how manipulative he could be, and had paid the price for it. “I saw it in the bookstore yesterday. Are you saying you don’t want it?”

“No, I—” Orha sighed and looked back down at the book. “It’s expensive.”

“You know I can afford it.”

“That doesn’t matter—we’re not together. You shouldn’t buy me things anymore.”

Malakai shrugged, looking more at ease than he had the right to be—especially with Orha’s nerves knotted up like rope. “Consider it a gift from a friend, then.”

Orha let out a stunted laugh as he stared down at the book cover. Friends. Friends didn’t harass you or spread rumors about you or destroy your property just for fun. They weren’t friends and, as far as Orha was concerned, they never would be.

He still didn’t understand what Malakai was up to. Not even a month ago he was bullying Orha every time they encountered each other—on campus and off. But this change, the complete turn around, struck him as more than a little off. Malakai had been following Orha around, finding excuses to show up at places he knew he would be. He’d given Orha gifts. They were small at first, but the price and sizes grew exponentially. This book was the most expensive yet. Last time he’d priced it, it’d been almost $200. Way over his budget. And Malakai simply threw his money away to buy it for Orha? Something didn’t add up.

What the hell was Malakai planning? What angle was he working? What purpose did being nice to him serve? The more he approached him, the less Orha trusted him, but he was too scared to outright reject his advances. The last thing he wanted was for Malakai to bully him again. He’d already suffered enough from that.

“Fine,” Orha replied, tucking the book to his chest with the others. “Thanks, I guess.”

“So,” Malakai began, taking a step closer and pinching a lock of Orha’s hair between his fingers. “There’s a party tonight at my place. You should come.”

Too close. Orha flinched and pulled away—out of reach from Malakai’s greedy grasp. His stomach twisted in a sick knot. “Sorry, I’m busy tonight.” No way in hell would he be caught dead at Malakai’s house. He turned and headed back down the sidewalk.

His heart dropped in his stomach as heard footsteps behind him.

“Are you busy with something? Or should I say someone?” Malakai asked as he matched Orha’s pace.

“What are you talking about?” he asked back, jaw set tight as he clutched his books to his chest.

“You’ve been hanging around that guy a lot. Akihiko.”

Orha’s back stiffened and his pointed ears flicked backwards, flattening against his head. He shot a glare Malakai’s direction, bristling. “What’s it to you?” The words were harsher than he’d wanted, but he couldn’t help it. Akihiko was a sensitive subject, and Orha didn’t like hearing his name on Malakai’s tongue.

“Just curious.” Malakai watched Orha, unabashedly staring, while Orha quickened his pace. “Haven’t seen you with anyone else lately.”

It was too much—too much to handle all at once. “I gotta go.” He cut across the street, a few cars slamming their breaks and cursing him out as he dashed in front of them. But the shortcut worked and Malakai didn’t bother crossing traffic to follow after him. He sighed in relief, but the anxious energy still hummed along his skin like electricity. He wanted to go home and relax.

As he left campus and crossed into the residential area on the outskirts of the university, a buzzing in his pocket distracted him from his thoughts. Pulling out his phone, his dark blue eyes widened at the name on the screen—Akihiko.

His pace slowed as he unlocked the screen and read over the text.

Aki—Dinner tonight?

It was so casual, the way he asked; subtly comfortable in a way that Orha wished he could say was mutual. The realization struck him, that he had been spending more time with Akihiko than he’d thought, if he could message Orha so easily. It meant that Malakai had been right in his observations, as much as he despised that knowledge.

Still. Still. It didn’t mean anything. In spite of Orha’s original concerns, Akihiko was kind to him. Too kind, really. More kind that he deserved. Like a real boyfriend.

But they weren’t boyfriends. Not really. Or at least, they’d never labeled it. They simply spent time together—some of it platonic, some of it intimate. Whatever they had, it worked, and Orha didn’t dare disturb the balance they’d found in each other. If it was one thing he knew for sure, asking too much in a relationship doomed it to fail. For once, he’d like it to work out, if only for a little longer.

Orha typed back, fingers quick on the screen.

Orha—Pass tonight. Not feeling well.

Little dots popped up on the screen, and Orha waited for Akihiko’s message as he walked.

Aki—Okay. Let me know if you change your mind.

As much as dinner with Akihiko sounded great, Orha didn’t think he could handle it. Not tonight, at least. He’d been feeling strange all day and the run-in with Malakai knocked him off his feet. What he needed was a nap—a nice long nap so he could forget Malakai and Akihiko and his stupid, turbulent emotions. Besides, he needed rest. The last thing he wanted was to catch a cold because he was stressed.

Orha shoved the phone back into his pants and sighed. Tomorrow. He would worry about it all tomorrow. He just needed to get home tonight and rest.

As that thought entered his mind, he felt the plink of a raindrop on his cheek. Looking up, he watched the sky turn dark, clouds churning in the sky with ill intent. Another drop hit his face—and another and another.

“Shit,” he grumbled, picking up the pace. Only a few blocks remained until he was home, but before he could curse himself out for forgetting an umbrella, the sky opened up and the deluge hit.

Tucking his books close to his chest to protect them from the rain, Orha broke out into a sprint. As he ran, water collected into puddles on the sidewalk and splashed against his legs with each step. He couldn’t escape the rain—it permeated everything as it poured from the sky in violent sheets. With his heart pounding in his chest, he hurried down the street in hopes of keeping his books dry in the downpour. As he neared the end of the block, he spotted his house and darted to the door, fumbling with his keys to get indoors.

After bolting inside and slamming the door shut behind him, Orha sighed in relief. Water dripped down his face, soaking his dark hair and leaving drenched clothes stuck to wet skin. He set his books down on the coffee table in the living room. They weren’t as waterlogged as he’d feared—just a bit of wetness along the top edges. They would dry easy enough.

As he spread them out on the table, his eyes landed on the history book Malakai had given him and his stomach clenched unpleasantly. He might have wanted the book, but he didn’t want it if it came from his ex. Maybe he could sell it online or something. It would be better than keeping it around and reminding him of what had been.

Unable to bear looking at the book any longer, Orha trudged to his bedroom, water dripping everywhere. He would clean up later, but for now, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep. Stripping out of his sopping wet clothes, Orha dropped each item to the floor without care. Once he was down to his boxers, he slipped into bed and covered himself with the blankets. His skin was clammy and cold from the sudden shower, but the softness of his sheets and pillows drained the tension from his body. Even with wet hair, he felt better.

Before he could muse any longer on why he was so tired and drained, he drifted off to blissful unconsciousness.

xXxXxXx

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Orha’s nose twitched. He groaned pulling the blankets over his head to block the noise. He didn’t want to get up—not yet. His body ached and burned, as if he’d ran a marathon and all he wanted to do was keep sleeping.

Bam! Bam!

“Ugh.” Orha rolled to his back, eyes cracking open to stare up at the ceiling. He had no idea how long he’d been asleep, but the rain hadn’t stopped and it was dark.

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

A frown spread over his lips, tugging at the corners, and this time, he let out an angry snarl. Who the hell was banging on his door? “Just go away,” he growled, too weak for whoever was at the door to hear. He still felt off—not quite right inside—and the constant pounding was giving him a headache. The noise continued, and Orha huffed. “Fine, asshole! I’m coming!” Throwing back the blankets, he ambled to his feet—and fell to the floor.

With a moan more wanton than pained, he squeezed his eyes shut and caught his breath. He was hard—so painfully hard. The damned knocking had been so annoying he’d completely missed it. But after failing to stand and nearly falling flat on his face, he realized what had been off all day.

Orha had started his heat.

“Shit. Fucking—ugh.” Cursing to himself as he crawled on the floor, he grabbed a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on in the hopes of hiding his massive erection. However, the fabric tented over the bulge, leaving his state even more obvious than before. He couldn’t hide it, or his other symptoms. With his fevered skin, blown pupils, and short breath, anyone would be able to see his state. Not to mention the smell…

The sudden and gnawing urge to jerk off over took him, but he shook his head and tried to focus. He had to get rid of whoever was on his porch first, then he could take to his...needs.

Stumbling through the house and growling under his breath, he stomped towards the front door in nothing but a flimsy pair of sweatpants. The knocking persisted. Orha yanked the door open and took a breath to shout at the person who had rudely jolted him out of his peaceful sleep—

Only to deflate completely as he recognized the handsome countenance staring wide-eyed at him. “Aki?” he asked, confusion heavy in his voice.

Akihiko looked like the proverbial deer in headlights. He stood there, one hand still raised to knock on the door and the other cupping a small plastic container to his side. “Oh—Sorry. Were you sleeping? I was starting to get worried because you didn’t answer your phone.”

“I—uh—” Orha felt his mouth go dry as he looked at Akihiko, his hair and clothes wet from the pouring rain. “I didn’t hear it.” His stomach clenched, a twang of hunger humming through his veins. He knew it was the heat talking, his brain addled with hormones, but in that moment, he’d never wanted Akihiko more.

Akihiko tensed as Orha watched him, and handed him the container. “You said you weren’t feeling well, so I brought you some soup.” He took a long breath, and Orha knew he could smell the pheromones he gave off. There was no way to hide the scent, not now. “But I guess you’re not that kind of sick.”

“Yeah...” Orha swallowed thickly, heart hammering in his chest like a drum. He barely made out Akihiko’s words, as if cotton were shoved in his ears. His boxers were too tight, and he felt hot and sticky all over. He wanted them off. He wanted everything off of him right then, but he couldn’t stop staring at Akihiko.

Weakly, he grabbed the container, the warm plastic pleasant against his palms. He leaned in closer to Akihiko, swaying on his feet as he breathed in his scent. He smelled like the fresh rain that hadn’t stopped for hours and sandalwood. Heady, earthy. Masculine and strong. Just what Orha was craving. Just what he needed. “Thanks,” he said as an afterthought, moving closer still. Reaching out, he touched Akihiko’s hip, fingers tucking into the waistband of his pants.

Realizing the situation they were in, Akihiko took a step back, but didn’t push Orha away. “Uh, maybe I should go? You seem a bit out of it and—”

“No—” Orha tightened his grip and pulled Akihiko back towards him, practically dragging him into the house. “Stay, please? I want you to stay.”

A torn look crossed Akihiko’s face as he hesitated. Resting his hand against over Orha’s as it clung to his hip, he let out a shuddered breath. Orha’s scent had to have been strong by then, and the longer Akihiko lingered, the harder it would be to leave. Even in his heat haze, Orha could see the thoughts and emotions passing over his face, struggling to decide on the best course of action.

But Orha saw him crumble, and his heart skipped a beat as their eyes met. Akihiko raised his free hand to cup the side of his face. His palm felt so cool in comparison to his heated, flushed skin. “…Are you sure? You’re not just saying this because you’re in heat and—”

“I’m sure,” Orha interrupted, pulling him closer. “I don’t want to be alone tonight—I can’t.” Without further elaborations, he leaned in and captured Akihiko’s lips in an excited kiss, devouring his mouth with vigor.

Moaning into the kiss, Akihiko wrapped his arms around his waist and held him close. He tightened his grip on Orha as his tongue slipped into his mouth. It only lasted a few seconds, that hungry, mutual desire, before he released Orha’s lips. “Okay. Okay, I’ll stay,” he whispered back, his lips brushing against Orha’s as he spoke.

Orha whined, a noise he loathed to make at any other time. But it was his heat—he allowed himself to indulge in the… neediness of it all. Besides, he doubted Akihiko minded. If the stiffness pressing into Orha’s hip was any indication, Akihiko liked it a little too much.

Akihiko kicked the door shut behind him and kissed Orha again, one hand pressed against his jaw to tip his chin back, as if he were drinking down his kisses like a fine wine. Orha’s grip on the container of soup fumbled, but he curled it closer to his body to steady it. A sweet, desperate moan rumbled in his chest and he went limp in Akihiko��s arms.

“Aki, please,” Orha mumbled against his lips. He dug his fingers harder into the hem of Akihiko’s pants and rutted sloppily against his hip.

“Yes, yes—of course.” He grabbed the soup from Orha’s hand and set it on the coffee table, nearly knocking it over in the process. But it didn’t matter—not to either of them. All that mattered was getting to the bedroom as fast as possible. Everything else could wait.

They stumbled their way to the bedroom, tripping over each other’s feet while kissing and groping. Orha panted into Akihiko’s neck, his breath hot against his skin as he dug his nails into his back. As they reached the threshold, Akihiko lost his patience with their slow pace and picked Orha up—holding his thighs as he lifted him. Orha’s legs wrapped around his waist, ankles crossing at the small of his back. His head spun as Akihiko carried him and he buried his nose in his soft, white hair. Heats made him do strange things, but even with a clear head, he couldn’t get enough of Akihiko’s scent. He took a deep breath to pull the smell into his lungs, and tightened his grip.

His scent was divine, but before Orha could muse on that indulgence any longer, his back hit the mattress and forced him to expel the sweet smell. He didn’t have time to complain before Akihiko’s lips were on his once more, devouring his mouth like it was his last meal. Akihiko’s legs pressed between Orha’s, forcing them open to rut against his stiff erection.

“Nnnn...” Orha’s hips rocked up against Akihiko’s, adding to the delightful friction and pressure between them as he sucked on his lover’s lower lip. It was too hot, hotter than only a few minutes ago, and sweat beaded along his neck and back, perspiration dotting his skin in between the raised hairs. He shivered, not from the temperature, but from the friction between them. His cock was so hard now, he felt like he might burst from the pressure.

It was stupid to forget about his heat—Orha knew it. But he had little time to berate himself when Akihiko’s tongue was down his throat and his cock was nestled firmly against Orha’s own. He squirmed under the attention, desperate and hungry for more.

A rough thrust knocked Orha back, their lips parting with a gasp. Moaning, he tugged at Akihiko’s shirt, weakly grasping at the fabric as he attempted to pull it off. “Too hot, Aki,” he mumbled, squirming under Akihiko’s heavier body.

Sitting up, Akihiko raked a hand through his white hair, the messy strands tangling in his fingers. He gazed down at Orha with lust in his blue eyes, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. Their eyes met for only a second, fire burning bright in them. Before Orha could speak again in the hope of hurrying him along, Akihiko grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it off. Orha watched in awe as he revealed his chest, sweat already glistening against his skin in the dim light of the bedroom. It was a sight he’d seen numerous times before, but it never failed to send a jolt of desire deep in the pit of his stomach.

Akihiko’s fingers curled into the flimsy fabric of Orha’s sweatpants, tugging them and his underwear down his thighs in one quick motion. His stiff prick bounced against his stomach in anticipation and Orha moaned as Akihiko stripped him. Tossing his head back and forth against the pillows, he grabbed the loose sheets under him. The slightest contact against his cock was torture. The reddened head leaked precum like a faucet, dribbling over his stomach and smearing across his skin. He watched impatiently as his clothes were tossed to the floor and Akihiko rid himself of his own jeans.

He needed Akihiko. He needed him bad.

As if hearing the silent plea, Akihiko leaned in and kissed Orha again, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Without the frustrating barrier of clothing between them, Orha felt everything. Akihiko’s muscles flexing, the sweat sticking to his skin, the heavy heat between his legs as it dug into Orha’s stomach. Now that—that was what he wanted most, what his body craved.

Sliding a hand between them, Orha grabbed Akihiko’s cock. He growled low in the back of his throat, starving for the contact, and stroked him with greedy fingers as he rutted against his hip. The touch left Akihiko moaning in his mouth, hips arching into the contact, and Orha’s heart leapt in his throat. Akihiko was so sensitive to his touch... It made him want to please him more, to see what sweet noises he could pull from his rumbling chest. But before he put his plan to action, Akihiko broke their kiss.

“Nnnn, Aki...?” he groaned out, dizzy from the heated kisses and his body’s soaring temperature.

Akihiko didn’t answer. Instead, he kissed his way down Orha’s neck, each press of his lips leaving a heated trail on his skin. Orha panted as he stared up at the ceiling, squirming under the too-soft touch. “Aki—Aki, more… Please, more…” he begged, ears flattening against his head and tail flicking behind him as he struggled to find more friction between them.

Each nip and caress of his tongue on Orha’s skin left him writhing under Akihiko’s touch. He continued down his chest, stopping at Orha’s nipples and lovingly teasing them both with his lips and teeth. The gentle brush of his tongue over the hardened nubs sent shivers of desire up and down Orha’s spine. He couldn’t take much more of Akihiko’s teasing, not when he was this worked up.

Orha’s cock dripped precum between them, balls heavy and tight with need. As Akihiko ceased his torturous admiration of Orha’s nipples, he moved lower, kissing over his taut stomach. With one hand on his hip to keep Orha steady and the other planted on the mattress to keep himself upright, Akihiko settled between his legs, breath blowing across the red and sensitive skin of Orha’s dick.

“Aaa,” Orha whined, hips arching up in a desperate bid for contact. “Aki, please.”

“Hush,” Akihiko whispered, his voice hoarse and deep. But even as he chastised Orha’s enthusiasm, he smoothed his hand up his shaft, thumbing over the slit and smearing precum over his fingers. The touch did nothing to satiate the lust building in Orha’s guts, and he moaned like a wanton whore.

More. He wanted more.

Akihiko watched as Orha writhed under him, hands balled into fists and nails digging into the sheets underneath. He continued to rub at his stiff length, fingers slowly moving along the shaft and spreading precum across hardened flesh, all while ignoring his own growing arousal between his legs. Orha panted and whined, staring back at him with half-lidded eyes.

Smirking, Akihiko pressed his thumb over Orha’s leaking slit. “Be a good Kitten and I promise I’ll make you cum.”

Orha could do nothing but moan and tremble under the teasing touch.

Taking the lack of answer as submission, he leaned down and wrapped his lips around Orha’s cock. The wet heat of his mouth had Orha crying out, and he ripped a hand from the bedsheets, stuffing it in his mouth to keep the worst of his desperate noises from crawling out of his throat. Akihiko’s lips and tongue were talented things, as he’d learned in their dalliances over the past month or so.

Akihiko smoothed his lips over the shaft, dipping down until he buried his nose in the coarse hair at the base. Flattening his tongue along the underside, he hummed against the stiff flesh, gently sucking and bobbing his head. With his lips stretched around Orha’s needy girth, he grabbed his hips, keeping him pinned to the bed and unable to thrust up for more deliciously hot friction.

“Aki...Aki, please...” he begged, head tossing against the pillows. The heat grew low in his belly, like the tightening of a rubber band. Further and further it stretched, taut and tense. Orha’s breath came in hitched gasps as the feeling grew in his guts. He wouldn’t make it much longer, not with Akihiko working him over with his perfect tongue and perfect lips. Sweat prickled along his neck and forehead, and the sounds of his own stilted breaths were muffled as the tension in his body grew, blood pounding in his ears.

With a heady sigh, Akihiko pulled back, mouth sliding over Orha’s cock until only the tip remained snug between his lips. He flicked his tongue back and forth against the dripping slit, sucking the head like the sweetest lollipop.

Orha groaned, eyes rolling back in his head as his hips bucked—struggling for more contact, more heat. But Akihiko’s grip stayed strong, and he kept Orha pinned to the mattress.

“I’m gonna—Aki, I’m gonna—” Orha rambled, back arching off the bed as that tension in his belly pulled tighter, tighter, tighter—and snapped.

Orha came with a moan, fast and hard. It was almost painful as his body seized up in pleasure, tight and taut as he spilled himself down Akihiko’s willing throat. Cum and spit collected at the corners of his mouth as he eased Orha though his orgasm, cheeks flushed and lips nearly bruised for the effort. When Orha finished, spent dick twitching pathetically against his tongue, Akihiko finally let him free.

Orha panted, blue eyes transfixed on the ceiling as he struggled to breathe, to feel anything but the numbing pleasure tingling along every inch of skin. His head spun from the endorphins swimming in his veins, leaving him drowsy. But as the effects of his orgasm faded, his skin refused to cool down. He felt hotter than before and just as hungry—ready to swap skin once again. His cock twitched excitedly against his stomach, slowly growing hard. He hated his heat, hated how desperate and pathetic it made him. But, if nothing else, it was nice to share it with someone he could trust.

“That was good, Kitten.” Akihiko ran his hand along Orha’s jaw, fingertips brushing sweaty skin. He moved slowly, reaching for the nightstand where he knew Orha kept his more...intimate items. “Now, stay put and I’ll make you feel even better.”

“Yes,” Orha whispered, voice hoarse from moaning and panting. He struggled to swallow, throat parched and mouth dry, but did as Akihiko asked. Turning his head to the side, Orha watched him pull open the nightstand drawer and rifle through the contents.

Orha kept a few little playthings in that drawer, as well as necessities. Condoms and lubricant were a must, but he also needed things to keep him occupied when no one else was around to help him through his heats. Dildos and vibrators of various sizes were tucked away for when he needed something to scratch that itch deep inside him. It was never as nice as the warmth of another person, but it would do in a pinch.

He wondered for a long moment if Akihiko would grab one to use on him—just to torture him a little longer. There were even a few cock rings and other devices they could use to drive each other mad with want before coming down from this heat addled state. But before he could voice his question, Akihiko closed the drawer, only taking a small bottle of lubricant.

Orha’s excitement doubled as he watched Akihiko drizzle the lubricant over his fingers, the large digits glistening in the dim light of his bedroom. His breath caught in his throat, eyes following Akihiko’s movements as his fingers slipped down between his legs to open him with slow, purposeful prodding. He felt the pressure against his hole, slick and tight, then spread his legs wider with a low moan.

Grinning, Akihiko leaned down closer. He continued to work into Orha’s ass, the ring of muscle flexing around his finger as he slipped in deeper. As he reached knuckle-deep, he licked along the underside of Orha’s stirring cock, the sensitive flesh twitching with excitement.

One finger wasn’t enough to satiate Orha, but it was enough to remind him of what he really wanted—what he craved. “Please…” he begged, hips rocking under Akihiko. “More, please…”

“You’re needy tonight, Kitten,” Akihiko replied, licking at the head of his cock again. Orha might have already cum once, but his body was ready again—prick stiff and leaking precum without shame.

“Yes,” Orha whined, unable to deny it with how soft and pliant his body became under Akihiko’s touch. The heat had drawn out his needy side, the side of him that craved attention and soft touches and intimacy. He might have tried to deny it on any other day, but it was still a part of him, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

Akihiko hummed, breath blowing against Orha’s slick flesh. “I like it,” he mumbled, slipping a second finger into Orha’s ass.

“Aaa…” Orha’s back arched, toes curling as he was stretched wider. It still wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, but he would take what he could get.

A laugh bubbled up in Akihiko’s throat. Without a word, he slipped Orha’s cock back into his mouth and sucked him down to the hilt. The wet heat of his lips and tongue combined with the pressure of his fingers up Orha’s ass was almost enough to have him cumming a second time. Luckily, his first orgasm had dulled his need just enough to keep him riding the pleasure longer.

Two fingers slid in and out of Orha’s body, dragging along his flesh and pulling hungry noises from his lips. Akihiko scissored his fingers in Orha, moving them back and forth and in and out with slow, methodical movements. He stretched and worked his way deeper, all while lavishing Orha’s cock with attention. It was almost too much for Orha to bear. Almost.

Just as he was on the cusp of cumming a second time, Akihiko pulled his fingers out. The empty feeling dragged a whine from Orha’s throat, quiet and desperate. He closed his eyes and twisted against the bedsheets, still hard and hungry for attention. Akihiko lavished Orha’s needy prick with one last teasing suck before letting it drop from between his lips.

Chest heaving, Orha forced his eyes open and watched Akihiko as he smoothed lubricant over his stiff cock. It was then that he remembered Akihiko hadn’t touched himself in the whole time they’d been in bed—not once. His cock was red and hard, more than Orha’s own. The thought sent a shot of guilt through his chest, guilt and desire to even things out between them.

Akihiko lined himself up against Orha’s puckered and slick entrance, grabbing his hips and pulling their bodies closer together. But before he could breach the ring of muscle, Orha sprang into action.

He grabbed Akihiko’s shoulders pushing him to the side and straddling his hips as he pinned him to the bed. Akihiko grunted in surprise, eyes wide as he stared up at Orha. He’d been so pliant and submissive earlier that Akihiko hadn’t expected the sudden change in energy between them.

“Orha?” he asked, one hand sliding up his bare stomach, tentative and gentle in its touch.

“Let me,” Orha mumbled, still dizzy and disoriented from his heat. Sweat dribbled down his neck as he shifted his position, grabbing Akihiko’s dick in one hand and steadying himself on the bed with the other. “I want to—” As he spoke, he sank down onto Akihiko’s slick cock, breath catching in his throat and a moan spilling past his lips. He sat down slowly, taking him all in until he bottomed out, ass flush against Akihiko’s hips.

The pressure and the heat—it was all so much. Too much. Orha felt the delicious tightness building in his abdomen as Akihiko’s cock stretched him wide. He wanted to ride him until he couldn’t feel his legs anymore, until he was numb from the pleasure. But before he could move or voice his desires, Akihiko moaned and squeezed Orha’s hips, rutting up into him with a shallow thrust. Orha’s back stiffened as Akihiko’s cock brushed that sweet spot deep inside him. That tiny motion pushed him off the edge a second time. With a weak moan, he came again, painting his stomach white with hot seed. His hips rocked against Akihiko’s, riding out the pleasure until he finished. Panting and flushed, he looked down at Akihiko’s hungry eyes.

“God, that was so hot,” Akihiko mumbled, fingers squeezing Orha’s sides with a bruising insistence. He took a long, shuddering breath, eyes half-lidded, and smoothed his thumbs over Orha’s hips, as if to apologize for grabbing him too roughly. He slipped one hand across Orha’s stomach, humming to himself as he slid it through the mess he’d made. “Kitten, do you wanna rest? I can take over again if you—”

Orha didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence. Gathering what strength he had left in his limp limbs, he forced himself upright. Without hesitation, he pulled his hips up and thrust himself back down, impaling himself on Akihiko’s cock. The rough thrust left them both groaning in pleasure, backs arched and muscles tight. But Orha didn’t stop with just one thrust. He went again and again and again, bouncing up and down on Akihiko’s hips with abandon.

“Aki. Aki. Aki.” He repeated his name like a mantra, body oversensitive and yet still wanting more. His cock was half-hard already, a third orgasm quickly budding in his abdomen. Orha had never had a heat this intense before—never. Every brush of Akihiko against him, inside and out, turned his guts to goo.

Growling in excitement, Akihiko rocked his hips upward, timing it with Orha’s own thrusts to dive deep inside him with each pass. They worked in tandem, quickly building up the friction between them. Orha whimpered with each thrust, his body sore and sensitive from the torturous teasing Akihiko had already put him through. Having his prostate slammed into over and over again only left him hungrier for another orgasm.

Leaning forward, Orha planted his hands on Akihiko’s shoulders, fingers digging into his flesh as he rocked himself harder onto his cock. The slight change of angle made it so each thrust hit Orha’s sweet spot head on. He gasped with each intrusion, but only rutted faster and faster against Akihiko. His spent and sore dick strained against their stomachs, rubbing raw between them.

Akihiko moaned, nails leaving half-circle marks on Orha’s thighs. “Shit, I’m—I’m close. Orha, I’m so close—” His eyes screwed shut, head tipped back in pleasure as he pumped his hips faster, filling Orha deeper and deeper with each pass.

“Yes, Aki, yes—” Orha’s thrusts grew frantic, grinding himself onto Akihiko’s stiff rod with fervor. Hearing his partner’s excited cries pushed him to continue, past the point of caring how sore his body was or how much it would hurt tomorrow. He wanted this—he needed it. The feeling of Akihiko deep inside him, the pressure of his body opening up to accommodate another, the tension in his muscles, the furious beating of his heart, the violent tremors running along his limbs. He needed all of it.

Then, as Orha worked himself harder than before, he felt Akihiko stiffen under his body and a rush of heat fill his backside. Akihiko groaned and came into Orha’s ass without warning. The heat and the wet squelching sound as cum slipped down to mess the backs of Orha’s thighs was enough to send him into his third completion of the night. As he rocked down one last time, he came again—a weak stream of white spurting across his abdomen and mingling with the crusted cum already painting his skin. When the tremors subsided, he collapsed against Akihiko’s chest and began purring.

Akihiko wrapped his arms around Orha, holding him close as their bodies slowly cooled in the damp air of the bedroom. “You okay?” he asked, voice low and winded.

“Mm,” Orha hummed, unable to keep his eyes open. Contented purrs rumbled in his chest as he snuggled up to Akihiko. Cum messed his stomach and inner thighs, but he was too tired to do anything about it. He couldn’t even be bothered to uncouple himself from Akihiko, his lover’s slowly softening cock still deep inside him.

Akihiko continued to rub his back, fingers lazily drawing circles along sweaty skin. When his breaths evened out, he shifted to the side and rolled Orha onto the bed. Orha groaned in protest, grabbing his arm before he could completely part from him.

“Don’t go,” Orha whispered, clinging to him as best he could for how exhausted he was.

Hesitating, Akihiko brushed a hand over Orha’s flushed forehead. “I just thought you’d be more comfortable on the bed than on me.”

Orha couldn’t argue the point, but his heat-addled mind still demanded the closeness. He relaxed against the bedding, but didn’t let go of Akihiko’s arm. “Don’t go,” he repeated, softer this time.

Akihiko smiled and stretched out next to Orha. He pulled the dirty blankets over their sweaty bodies and wrapped an arm around Orha once more. “Okay. I won’t. I promise.”

The warmth and closeness drew Orha in like a moth to a flame. Resting his head against Akihiko’s chest, he continued to purr like contented kitten. As he slowly succumbed to sleep, heat satiated for the moment, he hoped Akihiko would keep his promise.

END

#personal #kandasboi #kitty bandit writes fanfiction #/#//#lemon #commissions

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sky-writes-daydreams · 5 years

Text

Fictober Day 19

Yes I know! I’m late again. Family came in and gave me no time to write. So We’ve got a treat today! Two fics for the price of Three prompts!

Prompt number: 19

Fandom (AU if applicable): Uta No Prince Sama

Rating: G

Warnings/Tags: Mild cussing, A lot of fluff, Camus, Oc/ Reader

I had to help. I couldn't stand to see her like this. A normally clean room was now trashed. Fabric covered every surface and needles were in the wall. Sky was kneeling focused before kicking the stand away growling.

"Fuck this!!!" I sighed then before stepping in and getting her shoulders. God she was tense. Barely even eight am and she's already a mess.

"Come on."

"No. This is due tomorrow!"

"Tell them there's no way."

"Camus I can't!!! I've already had an extension!!"

"And you'll get another."

"Says who?"

"The one who will be wearing it." She rolled her eyes then and got free from my hands. She rose quickly taking off her needle holder and the measuring tape.

"Cam… this and three other pieces are due in the next week. I don't have time to take a break! I need to focus!"

"And yet you've pricked yourself how many times? And isn't your machine jammed?"

"Hence why I'm sewing it by hand." I pulled out my phone then.

"Then I'll make this easier on you."

"Who the hell are you calling?" I smiled then as I hit the number. She came over but I held out a hand.

"Camus. What's going on?"

"Your fashion designer. Her machine jammed and won't be fixed for another two days. She's been hand sewing for twelve hours."

"What!? SKY ARE YOU THERE!? ITS DAVID!" I put it on speaker then.

"He's holding me back so yes!"

"Why didn't you call sooner!?"

"Because I had it! He's been overprotective!"

"For a reason. No. Nat can do the cape. You've got to machine dew that material. It'll slide too much in a hand!"

"Yeah I noticed…. Fine. But the others…"

"Got pushed back. Take a damn break. I see you in the office tomorrow I will send you straight home."

"David!"

"You heard me. Now I've got to go." He hung up and I saw the shock in her eyes.

"You did not just do that."

"I believe I just did. Now do me a favor. Get dressed. I need help out in town today."

"Yeah ok…. Fine." She huffed a bit then brushing back her hair.

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's eight am, you're bleeding and screaming curses. Yes I did." I kissed her head then.

"My shower. Then we leave and get breakfast. I know a spot."

"Oh? And what about this favor?"

"After breakfast." She just laughed then and got some clothes before following me back to my room. I'd make sure her room got cleaned before she came back. I didn't want her to think about work at all today.

God what game did he think he was playing? That was a mean trick. Needed… but still mean. At least I got to see him. That's the important part. Going on two weeks without us spending any time together. I had honestly missed him. I walked out of his bathroom to find him on the phone.

"He does? Oh dear…. Yes I had planned on it anyway. Yes that's perfect. I'll be there around noon? Excellent. See you then." He hung up then and smiled.

"What's that smile about?"

"Hm? Just checking in on something. You'll find out soon. You ready?" I nodded sitting down in his favorite chair to pull my boots on.

"Yeah. Whats on the agenda?"

"Brunch. Then I've got a fitting for a new suit. It's casual wear so don't." I went to pout at him but he had that look. I huffed a bit then and nodded.

"Fair. Then?"

"Walk in the park. Why not? It's a gorgeous day. Plus I need to get my boy out." I stopped then.

"Your boy…?"

"Yes?" I glanced to his desk then. I had a feeling who he was talking about. In the photo he always kept there of his queen, there was a gorgeous puppy on her knee. He had once told me his name was Alexander.

"Alex?"

"Alexander yes. Why?"

"... you're going to let me meet your puppy?" I looked up at him then. Camus was confused.

"Why not? I meant to have done it sooner but he fell ill. He's much better now…. You do like dogs right?"

"Like dogs?" I got up then and just beamed.

"I LOVE PUPPIES!" Camus laughed then and got my hand.

"Come then. Maybe meeting mine will help you relax." I nodded then wrapping my arm around his. He let me willingly as we headed out.

Brunch was honestly a lot of fun. I had never been to this cafe but the staff was kind and easily helped us find something to fit our cravings. He even got me a mimosa which was amazing. I could feel the knot in my chest relaxing the longer we sat there laughing and talking. He was perfectly relaxed and even gave a few young girls smiles as they glances over. He never did hide his appearance when out in town so everyone knew he was a member of Quartet Night. We kept it calm but he didn't hide us holding hands or him opening doors for me or pulling out my chair.

The fitting afterwards was at a small store. One you'd have to have a reservation to get into. They welcomed camus like an old friend and ushered us in. He was completely relaxed just talking with them all. I was gazing around seeing how many beautiful outfits were around. One caught my eye. Black skinny jeans, with a tight shirt with ripped shoulders with an ice blue heart in the middle. A leather jacket covered it all with a matching purse.

"You see something you like?" I jumped and looked up. Camus was giving me a questioning look but soon saw it.

"Oh… it's your style."

"Yes it kind of is." I smiled then.

"But we're here for you. Not me."

"On the contrary." I don't even get to give him an odd look before a lady is ushering me into a separate room. I can hear Camus chuckling before the door closed.

I wanted to surprise her. I could tell by looking at all of her closet, she had never had a tailored outfit to her body type. Well I wanted to fix that. She had done so much for me when it came to making me stage outfits and such. I let them do what they needed with me. I didn't fuss or argue, only offered suggestions on where a bit more space would be nice. They listened and soon had my order in. I went and sat by the window humming just watching and waiting.

Thirty minutes later, she came out. Hair tousled gently with light lip gloss as well, she was wearing the outfit we saw. Her boots matched perfectly and had even been shined. She leaned on the doorframe watching me smirking.

"So did you do this on purpose or spur of the moment?"

"On purpose. How does it feel?" She walked forward then and took a deep breath.

"It's weird… it fits. Like it's not too tight but it fits." She went in front of a mirror and checked out the side profile. Every curve she hid was there and I had to avert my eyes. I couldn't let her see me blush like that.

"I might need some more jeans like this… she gave me real pockets! Like my phone fits in these cam!" She turned then and showed me. I laughed a bit as she kept sliding it in and out.

"Damn… ya know I might need to do this to all my jeans."

"Wouldn't be a bad idea. You carry a lot of things after all." She shrugged then as I shook my head. She was a wonder, that was for sure. The owner came out then with a smile and my new coat. Only a minor altercation was needed.

"Try this on sir…. Oh my… is this your beauty?"

"Yes. Care to add hers on mine?" Sky stopped then.

"What?" I smiled then as he walked away to do so as I slid on my new coat. I went up to her and gave her a gentle kiss.

"You look this good and you think I'd let you leave here without it?" She made a small sound then before kissing me back. I just smiled and let her. They had my information on file after all.

He was such a wonder. A tailored outfit. Just for me. I couldn't believe it. Yet here I was, wearing such a thing. She had even offered to change the heart color but I wouldn't let her. The blue matched camus's colors perfectly. Even now sitting down, it wasn't too tight or anything. Wrinkles didn't stay and the pants didn't ride up. I didn't even need a belt anymore. It was on more for style than purpose. Soon tho, we were at his apartment. I had been here before to drop something off but I never went in. I had just met him at the door before leaving. This time I got to come in.

"Don't worry about shoes, we'll be leaving soon." I nodded as I came in. It was all simple decoration but what I did see spoke of softness. A lot of icy blues and silvers on a dark grey couch. Colors of home I guess. Then I heard the claws on the floor.

"Alexander stop!" A white blur came out of a back room and tackled camus making him laugh. A young man stumbled out of the hall panting.

"Sorry sir!"

"Nonsense. He knew I was home. Didn't you boy?" This dog was big. On his back legs, he reached all the way to camus's chest! He was smiling like a goofball tho before sitting down. Camus knelt and rubbed his chin.

"You have been a good boy Alexander? Hm?" He whined then and almost seemed to nod. Camus nodded then and looked back.

"Come say hi." I stepped forward then and knelt next to camus offering my hand.

"Hi alexander…" He gave me a curious look before coming up and kissing my cheek. I yelped then before giggling and petting him.

"Oh god you're soft…. Such a soft baby…" Alex whined then and sat down nudging me for scratches on his head. I scratched him gently smiling.

"Such a baby…. Oh cam…" I moved closer then as he laid over so I can rub his belly. I laughed and did so happily.

"Dear lord, he likes you."

"Yeah. That's a big deal?" The young man standing in the hall chuckled then.

"Took me three weeks before he would let me rub his belly. He lets some of the band members pet him but nothing like this." I looked down at the dog and he just gave me a look of pure love. I sighed then.

"Maybe he just knows who to trust… dogs judge people on who treats their owner well as well." Camus chuckled then and kisses my head.

"Sounds like he knows how much I love you then. So… shall we go for a walk? That way you can see how he really is." Alex perked up then and soon ran to the door and nosed his leash. I laughed then getting up and got it free for him and locked it on his collar. He was wagging like mad with such a big smile. Camus was a bit behind us but soon we were on our way to the park.

Alex was a dream. He was so well behaved. Even when a squirrel ran across the path, he just sniffed at it and kept walking. Sunset was slowing coming but we hardly noticed. We were just enjoying hanging out. Alex joined in sometimes with a bark or a small woof making us laugh before I leaned down to pet him. I could hardly remember why my shoulders and my chest had been hurting before today. The pricks on my fingers didn't even hurt anymore.

We stopped for ice cream right as the sun hit the horizon and got a few more laughs in as he tried to give me a spoonful or two. Alex had a pup cup and soon was dozing at our feet once his was gone. Sitting on a bench just watching the leaves dance in the wind, I couldn't help but hold Camus's hand and relax.

"Alright… I'll admit it…. You were right."

"Huh?" I smiled then.

"I did need this day off." He chuckled then.

"I know. Plus… I know dogs help at any point. I wish he could stay with us at the dorm.. but Shining said no." I pouted a bit then.

"Damn…. That would be awesome. I love dogs… and he's so well behaved!"

"I made sure he would be…. I love him so much… he's so smart as well."

"I've noticed. He listens very well." Alex looked up a bit then and I smiled at him.

"Yes you, you big pretty baby." He whined then moving closer before laying his head on my foot. I leaned down to pet him happily. Camus chuckled and did the same.

"We wore him out… better head home." I pouted then and Camus shook his head.

"I never said we were going back to shining. We have a weekend off for a reason." I perked up then and smiled.

"Does he cuddle?"

"As much as I do." I beamed then getting up. Alex followed and we headed home. I couldn't wait to be in the middle of that.

We had barely been home an hour. Sitting on the couch in pajamas, Her on my side and Alexander curled up by her feet. Her arm wrapped around mine with her eyes closed. An old show played on the tv giving a small amount of background noise as I got my phone out and got a quick photo. It was so rare to see her looking this peaceful. Alex looked up after the photo and I smiled.

"I'm glad you like her too boy." He whined then and nuzzled in. I just chuckled before sending it to the boys. I'd see their reactions in the morning. For now, I was just glad to stay here with my own little family.

#fictober19 #camus (utapri)#utapri #sky writes

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valhallamercury · 6 years

Text

bassist | boh rhap!john deacon x female!reader

Summary: Ever since you’ve met John, you’ve happily thrown yourself down the rabbit hole of falling in love with him. And honestly, how could you resist? He was kind, sweet, and not to mention handsome. Now the only problem: getting to go on a date with A/N: The requested part two of secretary, so make sure you read that before reading this! This was so much fun to write, tell me if you’d guys would like a part three! :) Warnings: none, except that this is unedited. Tag list: @lizgarxo @josephhmazzello @tv-saved-the-teenage-girl Word count: 1,994

After your first encounter with the dark-haired man, you had practically thrown yourself into a pit labeled “in love with John Richard Deacon.” Could anyone blame you though? Every time John came in with his friends to record their album, he always made sure to stop by and talk to you. He would tell you about the album and the boys, and you would tell him about how work was going and your pride and joy, which was your cat named Fleur. On bad days, he would make you smile. On some days, he brought you flowers, on others he brought you tea with compliments written on the cup. You dreamed of the day John would ask you out, and each day you would be let down when he didn’t. But you wouldn’t give up.

You sat at the front desk, organizing papers for Mr. Foster that needed to be done before noon. You checked the clock again. 10:34. You’ve got this, Y/N, why are you even worrying about it? You know you’ll have these done in 10 minutes, You thought to yourself. You knew the real reason behind your stress, though you wouldn’t admit it. You hadn’t seen John’s sunshine face in three days, making you worry that you had said something to upset him. A tap tap tap against your desk made your thoughts end.

You looked up, seeing a familiar smiling face. You’re little sunshine was back.

“John!” You exclaimed happily, his fond smile becoming contagious against your lips. “I haven’t seen you in a while, I was starting to worry something had happened.” You admitted, resting your head against the palm of your hand. Y/N, your papers, a voice in the back of your head nagged. You decided to ignore it.

“No, no, I’m perfectly fine. Really. We’ve just been so busy with the album, haven’t had much time to chat.” He explained shyly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“Well, I’m glad to see your pretty face again. I’ve missed our little talks.” You smiled fondly at John, seeing his face light up to a bright pink color. It was a fun little game you liked to play: see how many times you could get John to blush. It definitely wasn’t one-sided though, for there were many occasions where Mr. Deacon had made your face go hot.

“I’ve missed them too.” John returned your smile, leaning his elbows against your desk as he conversed with you. You could tell something was off though; he looked as though he was trying to tell you something, but just couldn’t find the words. Finally, he spoke again.

“Hey, Y/N, I was wondering, what time do you get off?”

Your heart skipped a beat. Was this finally your moment?

“I’m actually off tomorrow.” You replied, trying to remain ‘nonchalant sounding’ but you could tell that it hadn’t been too convincing.

“Well, what a coincidence! The boys and I have a day off tomorrow as well from pumping out songs for the album,” His signature dorky smile and pink cheeks returned, “I was wondering... well, I was wondering since we’re both conveniently off, if maybe you’d like to hang out tomorrow. Like, well, a date.”

It took all the strength in you not to jump up and down in excitement in that very moment. But, you controlled yourself. That didn’t stop the big smile stretching across your face though.

“I would love to go on a date with you tomorrow, Deaky.” You cooed. He grinned, a soft chuckle escaping through his lips.

“Great! Great.” He coughed, trying to calm his enthusiasm. “There’s this great tea shop I know that we can meet at,” He began, pulling a sticky note from your desk and writing down the address of the shop. He handed it to you, a bright smile across his features. You happily took the sticky note, folding it up and putting it in your jacket pocket.

“I’ll meet you there around 10-ish?” You asked, practically bubbling over with excitement. He nodded quickly, checking the time on his watch.

“I must be going, but I guess, I guess I’ll see you around?” He guessed giddily, slowly backing up as he walked backwards down the hall. You nodded, giving him a small wave.

“See you tomorrow, Deaks.”

He grinned, turning around completely as he ran down the hall. You watched him run, seeing him pump his fist up in delight. You saw his three friends come out from behind some furniture of the main lobby, congratulating him. You giggled behind your hand before looking back down at your paperwork once more.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

Tap, tap, tap, tap

You blended your base in with your fingers, making sure everything was smooth and even across your face. Even in the most stressful of times, doing makeup had always calmed your nerves. However, you couldn’t stop the butterflies fluttering across your stomach or the way your face would heat up at the thought of John and the date that was in less than an hour.

You tapped a soft powder across your face, setting the base. You smudged a shimmery eyeshadow across the lids of your eyes, brushed mascara through your top and bottom lashes, and ran a clear mascara through your brows to hold them down. You applied a thick clear gloss across your lips, swiping some off your skin when you went a bit over the lines.

Now the only problem you were faced with: what to wear. Everything you tried on just seemed to either be too much or not enough. You finally decided on denim overalls that were embroidered with elegant pink flowers, a long-sleeved pink and red striped shirt, and red Chuck Taylor All Stars.

“How do I look?” You turned, looking at your cat Fleur, who laid sprawled out across the bed. She lifted her head up, letting out a soft meow, before laying back down. You took that as a sign of approval.

You only had fifteen minutes or so to get to the tea shop, so you decided to head out early.

You made your way through the bustling streets of Britain, before finally stopping in front of the quaint little shop. With five minutes to spare, might you add.

You looked around before spotting John’s familiar long locks. The man had his head in a book, tapping his finger along to the beat of some song as he read. You smiled a bit to yourself, shaking his head. You walked over, standing in front of his booth.

“Is this seat taken?” You asked playfully. John looked up at you, a fond look appearing across his face.

“It’s all yours.” He joked back, making you giggle. You sat down across from him, crossing your ankles out of habit. Your Gran had made sure that you always remembered to cross your ankles, not your legs. That was the proper way to do it, you could practically hear her remark.

“This place is lovely, the scenery is so quaint and cute.” You remarked, smiling as you looked around. The shop was decorated like some sort of Woodstock-esque design. There were posters of the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and many more artists. It had flowers of all sorts of varieties hanging from pots and vases across the store, giving it a lovely dash of color in all the right places. The room smelled of different variations of tea, all of which smelled exceptional.

“Well, I remembered you telling me so much about how much you loved tea and flowers, so I thought this might be a good place to go.” He said softly, looking back at you shyly through his lashes. You felt your face heat up. No one you had ever been with had been this considerate.

“You’re sweet, Johnny.” You smiled, resting your hand on your chin as you looked at the flower vase in front of you. “They really should switch the dandelions with those pink asters. The pink would compliment the goldenrods better.” You said, looking at the flowers in front of you. John raised his brows, but his smile never leaving.

“You really know your stuff, huh?”

You looked down at your feet for a moment, letting out a chuckle. “I guess you could say that. I’ve been wanting to be a florist since I was young because my Gran was a florist. She taught me all about different flowers and the way things would compliment each other and all sorts of things. My parents didn’t really think I should become a florist, they said there was no money in it and that people don’t buy flowers anymore.” You shrugged, looking back up at the dark-haired man who had been listening intently. “Besides, if I had been a florist, I would’ve never met you.”

He smiled at you warmly, glancing at the vase. “Well, I think you should go for it. There’s no shame in trying.” He appealed, looking at you with his soft brown eyes that made you melt. “You’d be perfect at it. You have a cat named Fleur, for God’s sake.” He teased, a playful grin tugging at his lips. You giggled, rolling your eyes playfully and gently tapping his foot with your own.

“Do not make fun of my cat, Deacon.” You scolded jokingly, a laugh escaping from the two of you. Once the laughter settled down, it was your turn to listen intently. “Well, since you know everything about me, why don’t you tell me things about you?” You asked, arching one of your brows.

He raised a brow in return, his chin resting on the palm of his hand. “Well, what would you like to know?”

You tapped your chin, thinking for a moment. “Favorite color? Favorite music artist? Hell, you haven’t even told me what instrument you play in your band.”

“Well, my favorite color is black. Favorite musical artist? Probably Hendrix or the Beatles. And I play bass.” He spoke softly, looking into your eyes as he spoke.

“That’s all?” You said as you looked at him, gently tapping his foot with your own. “C’mon, Deaks, there’s gotta be more to you than long hair and a pretty face.”

His cheeks turned pink, tapping your foot with his in return. “Pretty face, huh?” He blushed, your feet now in an all right war with each other. “I was born August 19th, 1951. I have a band with my best mates, Freddie, Brian, and Roger. I like electronics. I love soul and funk music. I love to tinker. Doesn’t really matter with what, but I’m always fiddling with something around the studio. I also know that I’m on a date with the girl of my dreams and talking to her makes me nervous and giddy at the same time.”

You felt your face heat up, you knew immediately you were giving the man heart-eyes. “You truly are wonderful, Deaky.” You smiled, reaching over and timidly placing your hand over his. He smiled, interlocking your fingers as he returned your fond gaze.

You turned to face the window, seeing the rain pour down against the window. You took a deep breath, turning back to John with a sad gaze. “I should be going soon, before the rain gets any worse.”

John frowned, glancing outside. “I’m not letting you walk home in the storm. It’s too awful.” He began, glancing down at your interlocked hands, before looking at you once more. His cheeks had turned an even deeper shade of pink. “My place isn’t far, if you’d like to stay there for the night. Only if you’d like though. Otherwise I could surely walk you home.” He added quickly, looking down at your hands.

You smiled a bit at him, reaching over with your free hand and grabbing his other. He looked up at you, and you gave him a loving look. “What are we waiting for, Deaks? Let’s go.”

#john deacon x reader #John Deacon #john deacon imagine #boh rhap!john deacon #joe mazzello #joe mazzello x reader #Queen #queen band #queen imagines #queen band imagine #bohemian rhapsody #boh rhap #roger taylor x reader #brian may x reader #freddie mercury x reader

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loxxxlay · 6 years

Text

Whumptober ~ October 7th ~ Kidnapped

Summary: After a series of ill decisions, Thor gets himself into a dangerous and humiliating situation. One from which there seems to be no escape. [Part 3/4]

Tags/Warnings: (for this part) Thor&Loki, Thor/Amora, Amora is a Bad Person in this, nonconsensual love spell, mind control, referenced noncon, brotherly feels, Loki is the only decent person here lmao, pre Thor

Author’s Note: THIS CHAPTER ENDS ON A GOOD NOTE Also, no noncon happens in detail. Only referenced/mentioned. Enjoyyyyy

(For mobile users, there is a read more cut.)

Parts: [1] [2] 3 [4]

[Read on Ao3]

In the morning, sunlight streams through the bedroom painting their bare bodies in gold. Amora opened the window before they went to sleep, and it’s late enough into summer that Thor appreciates the morning breeze that stirs him awake. Birds sing to other birds, and the chirping of crickets hasn’t quite abated—peaceful and loving sounds, but they are of little interest to him. Rather, Thor spends the allotted time staring at Amora.

She washed her face of any powder or paint before bed, but even bare of embellishment, she is beautiful. Her natural eyebrows are a thin blonde, her eyelashes long but light. Freckles rest like trickled dust over her nose and cheeks, and Thor thinks that to count them would be the same as counting the stars.

He loves her.

He loves her so much he can barely stand it.

And yet, she sleeps, leaving Thor without purpose, without task. He can only lie there and stare at her until she gives a command, which could be minutes or hours or fortnights from now. The helplessness is powerful enough to drive a man mad, but he resists the tug of insanity—because she is his focal point. She is the light at the end of his tunnel. It will be over just as soon as she wakes up, as soon as she wakes up.

A knock on the door breaks the static.

Amora’s eyes blink open, and her eyelashes flash rainbows as they flutter in sunlight. She looks at him, and Thor feels trapped in her gaze—this moment, this contact, is all he needs, all he wants, all that exists. He loves her. He loves her. He loves her.

“Who do you think that is?” she asks with a yawn.

Relief floods him. Answering her question becomes his sole purpose, driving the madness away. Desperate to please her, Thor thinks through all possible answers—not a servant, a servant wouldn’t knock; a guard perhaps, sent with his father’s or mother’s summons, but it would be unlikely so early in the morning; his friends don’t visit—his head silences itself when the person knocks again. This time, Thor needs to know who it is, so he listens carefully.

The familiarity strikes him immediately. “It’s Loki,” he says.

Amora groans with displeasure, and Thor’s heart is crushed. Right then, he hates his brother for giving this woman, this perfect, beautiful woman, anything less than pure joy.

“Alright, go answer it. Don’t let him know I’m here, and tell him to go away.”

Thor is up on his feet in an instant. He’s ready to cross into his guest area and answer the door in the nude, cock hanging between his legs, until Amora adds, “get dressed first.” Then Thor is thrustings on his pants and manhandling a shirt over his head. All the while, the knocking on the door repeats, more and more urgently.

Thor hurries over and swings the door open. It turns clockwise, he knows, so Amora will be hidden.

Sure enough, Loki stands on the other side, looking very much relieved to see him.

The second Thor’s eyes land upon him, he’s struck with something. An aura radiates from Loki’s presence that he has never noticed before. He only recognizes it now because Amora has one, too. But this is more powerful than Amora. It cloaks the air with a smothering cold, and standing, here, in Loki’s presence, Thor suddenly isn’t sure what to do.

He opens his mouth to tell Loki to go away , but the words won’t come. He tries again, but no. No. He doesn’t want to say it. He wants to tell Loki to come in.

(He wants to say Amora is here on his bed—)

No no no no.

“Are you alright?” Loki asks quietly.

Panicked, Thor lets the thoughts of Amora drift away. Instead, he focuses on his brother and notices Loki’s red-rimmed and tired eyes. But Thor can’t ask Loki why he’s been crying or even answer the question Loki asked. He wasn’t commanded to. He stands there silently as the conflict undoes his mind.

Loki’s head ducks and he shuffles his feet. “Never mind,” he says. A deep breath. “I came to apologize. It wasn’t my place to interfere with your business yesterday. Especially not when the last time we talked was . . .” Loki sighs raggedly, and his lips thin, as if he’s holding something in. It takes a long moment for him to continue. “You were right. I don’t have many friends, and I do miss you. I wish we could spend time together again. Like we used to.”

That’s when Thor remembers. Before Amora, before the dancing, he used his words to slice Loki’s heart into ribbons. More than anything, Thor wants to drop to his knees and say no, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any of it . He can’t. He’s locked in place. The icy aura surrounding Loki’s presence isn’t enough to let him speak.

Loki looks up at him, and his eyes are naked with vulnerability. “So?” he asks quietly. “What do you think?”

Thor thinks he’s sorry. He thinks he is the cruelest brother, the cruelest of friends, in the entire nine realms. He thinks he deserves everything that is happening to him.

Loki’s eyebrows raise, urging Thor to speak. “Well? Will you not answer?”

Thor opens his mouth because he can’t leave his brother with this silence. He can’t. But the help me, please help me becomes an uncaring monotonous, “go away.”

Hurt flashes across Loki’s face. His fists clench, his eyes shine, and his lips tremble with a hysterical rage. “You know,” Loki says, voice wavering, “if you died tomorrow, I wouldn’t care. I’d be glad even.”

I'm sorry , Thor wants to say, but he isn't allowed.

“Rot in Hel, Thor,” Loki hisses before storming away.

Thor is left alone in his silence.

Once Loki is long out of sight, Amora joins his side. One arm loops around his waist, raising chills of both lust and fear, and her other arm nudges the door out of his grip until it’s closed. Her presence ensnares his attention, but it’s not reigning him in, not quite yet. There’s nothing to reign in. He’s too numb.

“Hey,” Amora says, “look at me.”

Her finger traces the line of Thor’s jaw and draws his chin in her direction.

Meeting her eyes, Thor loses himself in them. He loves her. Loki doesn’t matter. He loves her. Loki . . .

“What happened?” she asks. “Why did it take you so long?”

“He—he felt different than you,” Thor says without thinking. “Standing next to him, I . . . It was different.” He frowns at himself. “I don’t—I don’t understand it.”

Amora’s eyes light with comprehension. “Oh, dear. That’s just the presence of his magic trying to make a fool of you.” She pauses and lets her finger on his chin brush over his lips. He sings with a needy heat. “If you ignore it, or better, stay away from him entirely, then it won't trouble you anymore. And I’ll be so happy. You do want to make me happy, don’t you?”

Thor nods. “Of course. I love you. With all my heart.”

“Good,” she says and plants a kiss to his cheek.

Thor’s heart sours at the touch, and everything becomes clear again.

Time passes in a blur. It’s a never-ending cycle of a lust carved into his veins. The pursuit of her commands, the absolute craving to please her with his utter obedience. Then, the reward, the climax of her attention in a kiss, a smile, or even a nod. And last, the emptiness of waiting, waiting, waiting for the cycle to rinse itself of dust and repeat.

She visits him every night, but he can only make love with her once a fortnight. Those are the nights he longs for the most. She looks so beautiful with her face screwed tight in pained pleasure. Arms tangled in sheets, and limbs soaked in each other’s sweat. She’s most gentle afterward. Most happy.

Thor loves seeing her happy.

She only really asks that he live his life as normal and that he meet his father’s expectations. He does both with an eagerness unmatched by anything he’s felt before. His parents compliment him on his choice of woman—a good influence, they call her, whenever she dines with them (Loki, always notably absent). He excels in his training and his studies, and his father includes him in more of his council meetings, both public and private.

The more he thrives, the happier Amora seems with him, and Thor would do anything to give her happiness.

The only trouble is when he’s spent too long away from her.

After a day alone, he starts to have . . . thoughts. They aren’t his thoughts, he is sure, but they feel inherent and real and alarming at the time of them. They drive him to do ridiculous things. Once he dropped a glass and let it shatter on the floor just to get a passing servant to stop and sweep the pieces with barely veiled resentment. Another time, he drew an ink cross across all of his assignments (and the pages of library books). To his tutor’s great chagrin, he was unable to explain why.

Worst of all, on his way back to his room at night, he’ll often pause at Loki’s door until the drowning of his heart becomes too much to bear. (Luckily Loki never catches him.)

He mentions it to Amora, and she tells him it isn’t fault. Everyone has thoughts like that, she says. Everyone does things like that every once in a while.

But Thor can tell it upsets her, so he doesn’t mention it again.

Weeks into his newfound happiness, Thor is on the training grounds, and he has spent too long away from her.

She failed to visit him the night before (leaving a message that something had come up), and now the bad thoughts are growing restless and demanding and starting to persuade him of their truth. He hacks away at the straw man in front of him, practicing a rhythm of strikes, but the thoughts are asking him to turn around and attack his instructor.

No, Thor thinks and takes his fear out on the straw.

( You don’t love her , the bad thoughts say.)

Thor strikes harder.

( She raped you. You told her no, and she raped you , they say, louder.)

Thor hurls the sword into the ground and smashes his ears with his hand, wishing he could drown out the noise.

( You need to find a way to get away from her. )

“No,” Thor chokes to himself.

Someone touches his shoulder. It’s Fandral. At the attention, the bad thoughts lessen, and Thor cautiously lowers his hands from his ears.

“You alright, friend?” Fandral asks.

“Yes,” Thor says to appease Amora’s command (even as the voice in his head whispers, say no, say no, say no). “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Fandral frowns. “You dropped your sword.”

Thor looks at the blade at his feet and is struck with an urge to stick it in Fandral’s chest. He shudders. Rips his gaze away. “I’m fine,” Thor says. “Just whacked my head with the flat edge.”

Fandral’s frown deepens, but he must be somewhat satisfied with the response, for he nods. “Alright then. Take it easy there.”

Thor picks up the sword and leaves Fandral behind in fear that he’ll do something bad. He approaches one of the unused wooden dummies, abandoned for its crooked, mangled stand. It’s one hard strike away from breaking.

Amora’s command asks that he practice his strikes as instructed while the bad thoughts scream for attention.

Thor does both at the same time. With a careful precise set of strikes, Thor carves the word help into the wooden dummy. The marks are barely legible—easy to see as mere mindless scratches on a wooden canvas—but if someone is looking hard enough, they’ll see it.

( Oh please let them see it. )

Thor whirls to return to an empty straw target when he catches Loki climbing down the stairs to the training ground. Their eyes meet.

Thor is not supposed to look at him. Or talk to him. Or be near to him.

Of all of Amora’s commands, that is the one she pressed upon him most. The command drowns the bad thoughts away, and Thor is relieved at the loss of tension. Eager to keep his mind silent, Thor obeys the command.

With Loki watching, he all but runs from the training grounds, desperate to return to his room and await Amora’s visit tonight. It’s too early a departure, but not so early to cause him trouble, he hopes.

The next day, Thor is armed with new commands. He is still to avoid Loki’s presence, but now acting as normal as possible takes precedence. If Loki is near but otherwise ignoring him, then Thor may remain where he is and continue his other tasks. If Loki speaks to him, Thor may answer, but only for as long as it takes him to courteously slip away.

By the time evening draws close and the bad thoughts begin to resurface, Thor can easily appease their urgency by practicing on the dummy closest to the broken one—the one still inscribed with the word help .

It’s going well, much better than yesterday—at least, until he is ambushed by the cold, smothering aura of his brother.

Thor stops what he’s doing and turns to find Loki staring at him. Thor doesn’t move.

“Thor?” Loki asks quietly.

“Yes?” Thor says, monotone.

Loki swallows. “Did you train with that one yesterday?” He gestures at the broken wooden dummy.

The bad thoughts screech with glee. Thor wants to cover his ears in terror. “Yes,” he says, because Amora never told him to lie.

Loki is frowning now. His eyes dart between Thor and the message, and half of Thor prays for him to give it up and the other half prays that Loki pursue the question. Please , he thinks, not knowing which part of him is begging. Please please please please please—

“Are you in trouble?” Loki asks.

And maybe Thor wants to, but he can’t answer that.

At the silence, Loki’s frown deepens. “Do you need help?”

Thor clenches his jaw shut.

“Blink if it’s yes,” Loki says.

Thor’s eyes go wide because he can’t say yes, he can’t, he’s not allowed. He stands there straining to keep them open until he has no choice but to break the normalcy and shield his eyes from view with his hand. He blinks, long and hard, letting his eyes settle with moisture again.

When he lowers his hand, Loki doesn’t look worried nor confused anymore. He’s fuming. “Where are you supposed to meet her?”

“What?” Thor says, confused.

“Amora,” Loki says. “Where are you to see her next?”

The bad thoughts are starting to win. Thor thinks he’s glad that Loki’s asking. He’s glad he’s allowed to answer this question in truth. “My chambers.”

Loki nods. “And when will she be there?”

“She should be there now.”

Without speaking, Loki takes Thor’s hand and drags him across the yard toward the stairs. Thor starts to tear away, but—but Loki’s touch is grounding. It’s the same way that Amora is his focal point, the light at the end of his tunnel, but this time, it's Loki, not her. Thor finds himself going numb in his brother's presence, and it scares him. Amora will be so angry when the anchor of Loki’s contact is gone—and Thor will want to die for displeasing her.

“It’s alright,” Loki says, and Thor realizes that he’s hyperventilating. “It’s alright, I’m just taking you to her. She’ll be fine with that, won’t she? She’ll want you to meet her?”

Yes, Thor thinks. Yes. She wants him to meet her in his room, after all. She wants him to go there. And she can be the one to tell Loki to go away.

They reach his room, and Loki lets Thor open the door and go in.

Amora is inside, toying with his belongings (his favorite quill—the bad thoughts say, encouraged by Loki’s presence—and she’s sitting in his desk).

She looks up as Thor enters. “Aren’t you a little early, love?”

“A little,” he answers.

Rising, Amora goes to embrace him ( she’s turning her back to the door , he thinks), and that’s when Loki shoots into the room and rips her away from Thor. His arm loops around her neck, and a blade in his hand presses against her throat—sharp enough for a drop of blood to spill down her collarbone.

Enraged, Thor starts forward.

“I’ll kill her,” Loki says. “If you take one step forward, I’ll do it. She’ll be dead.”

Thor stops. His lungs throb, his hands clench, and his eyes glare at Loki’s hand. If Loki loses his guard for one instant, Thor will pummel him into the ground.

“He wouldn’t kill me,” Amora says to Thor.

Thor takes half a step forward.

Loki’s knuckles whiten, and a second drop of blood spills from her neck. “I would.”

Thor pauses.

“There’s no evidence,” Amora snaps. “Love spells have been banished for centuries. Do you know how long it took me to find any whiff of this one?” She shakes her head in minute, barely noticeable jerks. “And once I learned the spell, I burned any trace of the book. It’s gone. You can’t prove it. Even if you’re his son, the All-Father will have no choice but to imprison you for murder.”

“You think I care?” Loki growls. “You think I’d sacrifice my own brother just to avoid imprisonment?” His hand not holding the knife tangles into Amora’s hair and yanks her head backward so that he can whisper in her ear. “I would rather spend a thousand centuries burning in the depths of Hel before allowing you to touch him again.”

Amora’s face is white as bone, and Thor’s heart pounds. He doesn’t know what to do. “Stop,” Thor says to Loki. “Let go. You’re hurting her”

“Shut up,” Loki says.

Thor goes quiet.

“Are you pregnant?” Loki asks Amora.

Amora scowls. “Not yet.”

“Swear it. On Yggdrasil. On your life.”

She doesn’t speak, but when Loki presses the knife harder to her throat and and a stream of blood stains her pale skin, she opens her mouth. “I swear it.”

“The whole thing,” Loki says. “Say it back to me.”

Amora rolls her eyes. “I swear it on Yggdrasil and my life.”

“Good. Now release the spell.” With the blade, Loki gestures to Thor. “Do it now.”

Amora’s eyes are lit with wrath, but her hands twist at her side and illuminate with a brilliant green.

Thor shudders. The layers of his thoughts crack open like masks, over and over, until he can hear the truth within. Bad thoughts, he thinks by habit, and then blinks, horrified at himself. Reality evaporates. The beautiful, perfect, loving woman in front of him becomes something repulsive and terrifying—a sight of nightmares. Likewise, his brother becomes something to cherish, something to love, and Thor is disgusted with himself. A mere moment ago, he wanted to choke Loki to death.

He drops to his knees and stares at his hands. They’re shaking. His vision is going white.

There’s the sound of a scuffle—someone stumbling to across the floor.

“Get out,” Loki hisses.

A moment later, the door slams shut.

“What,” Thor gasps at the floor. “What is happening.”

“It’s okay, Thor.” Loki is kneeling beside him, and his arm settles over Thor’s shoulders. “You’re alright now. You’re alright.”

Thor shakes his head. His eyes are wide as he remembers everything. The night Amora raped him, and the nights they made love. They’ve fucked each other seven times now. Seven. Times.

Thor chokes on a sob.

“Shhh,” Loki says, “shhh, it’s okay.”

His brother pulls Thor into his arms, and Thor lets his face smash against Loki’s chest. He wails and wails and wails, and Loki holds him through all of it. Whispered words fall like rain over Thor’s head, cleansing him of fear—she won’t touch you anymore. I’ll make sure of it, I promise. I promise. You’re safe now. You’re safe. You’re alright. I have you .

The last one is murmured when Thor’s sobs are dying into whimpered breaths.

“I’m sorry, Thor.” Loki’s voice is clogged with tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

Why are you sorry? Thor wants to ask. No one in all of Asgard noticed that anything was wrong. No one except you. You saved me. You freed me.

But he’s too drained to say it. Too numb. Too broken.

Instead, he circles his arms around his brother’s waist and clings with all his might to thank him.

Even then, it’s not enough.

#thor #thor fic #thor centric #thorloki #brodinsons #thor whump #marvel #whumptober #lox writes #tw noncon #noncon recovery #loki

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bidennisreynolds-archive · 8 years

Text

Title: Lionheart (Part 3 )

Pairing: Elena Cobblepot x Victor Zsasz but attempts are made at Elena Cobblepot x Ed Nygma

Summary: Elena knows what Ed is trying to do to her brother. Ed knows that Elena knows what he’s trying to do. He reevaluates and figures the best way to break Oswald Cobblepot, the man in love with him, is to seduce and destroy the Penguin’s twin sister.

Warnings: None

Tags: @socktrollqueen @elliotsbutt @high-functioning-fangirl473

“I’ll go if you want me to. I’ll go if you don’t want me to. I’ll just go.”

“No, you won’t.”

I push Victor back down on the couch, giving him a quick kiss. He watched me get ready in silence earlier. Now he’s vocal about his displeasure.

“He threatened you.”

“That wasn’t a threat. Ed just wanted to get under my skin.”

“Well he’s under mine instead.”

“Isn’t there someone Falcone wants you to kill tonight?”

“Took care of it earlier.” Victor stands back up. “Tell the mayor I’ve volunteered to work security.”

“You aren’t coming.” I finish putting my earrings in and grab a pair of heels I left sitting beside the coffee table. “Stay here. Write a book.”

“Assassination for Dummies.”

“Sounds enthralling.”

“It would be better if my wife helped me.” Victor grabs my hand and passes a thumb over the diamond ring on my finger. “Assassins protect people… mostly. Is it wrong to want to protect my family?”

He’s usually the one with a quick pun or off color joke. I don’t really know what to do with an emotionally honest Victor. He picks up on this and drops my hand, his head falling forward to lay against my stomach.

“I saw the test, Ellie. When were you going to tell me?”

“Tomorrow. I have a doctor’s appointment this weekend to confirm. Victor,” I take his face in my hands and kiss him softly. “I’ll be safe.”

He squeezes my wrists before saying, “If you’re not call me immediately. Don’t hesitate, don’t play the hero. Call. Me.”

“I love you, Victor.”

Victor chuckles. “I know.”

“You’re supposed to say it back, jerk.”

He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Fine. I love you too… even when you’re being stupid. Hopefully the baby ends up with my brains. Not to mention my charm and good looks and uncanny ability to keep you out of trouble.”

With that insult I decide to finally head for the mansion. The drive from our apartment to my father’s home isn’t excessively long, but the later it gets in Gotham the more people decide to go out. With my luck I end up getting stuck in the middle of it. When I’m finally able to make it Oswald and Ed are seated, Olga pouring wine in their glasses. I put a hand over the rim of my own glass when she goes to fill it.

“No thank you, Olga.”

Oswald clears his throat, placing a napkin in his lap with a flourish. “I’ve never known you to turn down wine.”

“I have a long drive.”

“Not that long if I remember correctly.” Ed butts in.

I smile as politely as I can. “You’ve been out of commission for a week at most, Ed. Did Isabelle-”

“Isabella.”

“Scramble your brain that badly? Or maybe it’s the excessive time you’ve been spending with the three stooges?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His teeth are gritted and there’s venom in his stare.

“Oh? I could’ve swore I saw you with Barbara, Tabitha, and Butch. Oh! And someone that looked remarkably like-”

Ed’s foot shoots out and kicks me under the table. “What gets a shower but doesn’t get wet?”

Oswald looks between the two of us and stutters out, “A- a baby?” He turns to me, a large smile spreading across his face. “Elena, are you pregnant?”

“I- maybe? I’ve taken a couple tests and Victor and I have a doctor’s appointment this weekend to confirm.” I kick Ed back. He flinches with a low grunt. “I was trying to wait until we were certain. There’s so much room for something awful to happen.”

“But surely if you’re aware of the baby things should be safe?”

“I don’t know Ozzie! I’ve never been pregnant before! It isn’t exactly like Mother prepared us for sex!”

Oswald blushes. His hands do an awkward wave towards Ed. “We- we don’t need to talk about that in front of friends.”

“Why not? It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It’s a private matter.”

“You sound like Mother. No wonder you were always her favorite. You’re such a prude, Oswald!”

Ed sits there silently, listening to us bicker back and forth. He looks smug. My blood boils. Olga brings out the food. I eat quietly while Ed and Oswald play catch up. The sight is damn near nauseating and I know I need to get Ed out of the way. Quickly. It’ll break Oswald’s heart but… I’d rather have a briefly sad brother than a permanently dead brother.

“As lovely as this dinner has been,” I say once I’ve had enough. “I think I should head home now.” The two of them act like they don’t hear me, so I raise my voice. “It’s late. I’m leaving.”

This time they hear me and Oswald’s smile falls. “It’s only nine thirty.”

“I’m tired.”

Oswald pouts but doesn’t push me. He never does when I say I’m tired. Too afraid I’ll snap his head off I think. “Fine. Let Gabe walk you to your car though. The estate is well protected, but I don’t want to chance anything happening.”

I sigh. “I’m possibly pregnant. Not an invalid.”

“Don’t care. Gabe!”

“No, no!” Ed jumps from his chair, tossing his napkin on his empty plate. “Please, Oswald, allow me. I’d like to catch up a bit with Elena before she leaves us for the night.”

I don’t miss the implication behind his words. I’m not leaving. I can stay as long as I like. I can kill your brother if I like. I also don’t miss how tight his grip on my elbow is as he walks me out of the mansion.

“How did you know?” I ask when we reach my car. “Not even Oswald could tell.”

“Oswald can be blind when it comes to the people he loves.”

“Obviously.”

Ed continues like he hadn’t heard me. “He mentioned you feeling ill the past month or so. I myself had already picked up on that before taking my leave of absence. Then when you refused a glass of your favorite wine it was easy enough to figure out.”

“You shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Nor should you.” Ed adjusts his glasses. “Tell me, Elena, what do you think you stand to gain from exposing me? Especially with no hard evidence.” When I don’t answer he continues. “You have nothing to worry about anymore. My dealings with the three stooges as you so lovingly called them are over.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“So no more revenge plot? Just like that?” I don’t believe it. Ed Nygma is not the type of man to just give up when he feels wronged. He’s a lot like Oswald that way.

Ed sighs and reaches toward me, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. “I understand you don’t believe me right now, but you will.”

“You’ve literally already told me I can’t stop you from hurting my brother. Now you expect me to believe you’ve just magically seen sense overnight. Life doesn’t work like that. I know you’re still planning something.” I knock his hand away and move to get in my car, but he grabs my wrist.

“Elena, you can’t live life skeptical of everyone. I’ll prove myself. To you and to Oswald.”

I yank my wrist back, feeling his nails scratch against my skin. “Doubtful. Oh, by the way,” I add as I slip inside my car. “I’m seeing Captain Bullock-”

“Acting Captain.”

“Tomorrow. As you know, it’s my job to help bridge the gap between the Mayor’s office and the GCPD. I have to update Harvey on Oswald’s plan to keep crime under control. I’ll let him know you’re ready to help since, you know, you’re so eager to prove yourself.”

To Ed’s credit he simply smiles and nods. The smile is stuck in my brain for the rest of the night.

#oswald cobblepot #oswald cobblepot imagine #ed nygma #ed nygma imagine #victor zsasz #victor zsasz imagine #gotham #gotham imagine

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myinnerletters · 5 years

Text

Dear Tal,

Tomorrows the last day of your internship. I thought i may have wanted to try think about getting back with you when you returned but i dont think so anymore. So much of your “Humour” seems more like ways to put me down. You said i didnt know when you were joking - perhaps you just straight up weren’t funny? Or what i think now is that you just slapped a big ol I WAS JOKIN YA DUMB DUMB when you said something that may have gotten you in trouble. Cause i was the one that “shot from the hip”, after one incident. In which i profusely apologised. Get over yourself, seriously.

I feel like i wasted time. I feel like you’re good with words. To convince people to bend at your will to what you want. You sugar coat, and you say just the right thing. You come on strong and you treated me from the beginning like we were building a relationship. DIdn’t want to sleep wtih me early on because “you respected me too much” but then a week later you had done your due diligence. Calm down. Just fuck me and get on with it and stop pretending like you respect me or care.

Cause you dont. You stopped trying. You made it all on me. You kept trying to get me to open up, to fall for you, i was there for you. Through and through and you turned around and made it out like i was the one head over heals for you. Like you were doing me a service.

You know, i liked you best when you werent putting on such a bravado? When I could see that there was a person in there who could care, who didnt want to have a different opinion just for the sake of it. The one who wasn’t trynna flex the law career, or being a doctor (WHICh doing a biomed degree does not make you a doctor), or flexing how much money, or what drugs you did, or acting that lifestyle that you SO desperately crave to be in. I liked you best when all the guards were down, when i could see a glimpse of a boy who didn’t care about all these things.

You made me think you were different from the pact. The way you acted at times, like things i had done were shameful. I dont regret not being in a relationship for the last 5 years. I’ve had shit ive been doing, i’m not gonna settle for someone whos not right for me. I felt judged when you asked if i slept with sam on the first date, does it matteR? When i decided to spend time with you instead of my dad? and yet you still joked about how i almost didnt chose you. You and your weird mind games.

I did like you. I did see a future. I also guess i was just enjoying the fact that i had feelings and that you treated me right (although again, i guess this is just what you do. You’re a business man through and through) I don’t agree with your politics. You dont agree with mine and thats fine. But we pretty much didn’t see eye to eye on anything, and i think in my heart of hearts my fear about your politics, and the fact that i couldnt let it go has all to do with a gut instinct that i knew deep down that it was wrong. That my fear that you would somehow be against my lgbtqia+ friends, that you felt weirdly uncomfortable.

Or the fact that you feigned support for me, but then said my show was weird? that you didnt understand why period equality was important or why it should be discussed. You thought so much of what i said was weird, was strange, i was nuts, whatever. I do say silly things, i said it to you then and ill say it to you now, no one things what im saying is nuts. You were the only one who made it out like i was speakinga nother language.

My show is not weird. I mean it is. But it helps change peoples lives. WHich is more than I can say about keeping up appearances so that you too can live in the cum dream that is the suit lifestyle. Men saw the show and thought it was great. they engaged with me after. they spoke about my fucking cycle with me. And about my period. and my endo. They didnt get weird like you.

I wish i could look back on our time now and enjoy it. i enjoyed having someone. I enjoyed speaking to you on the phone and dreaming of a future, that involved getaways and maybe i got a bit carried away. I liked that you made an effort. or that you bought flowers. I liked so much of it. But the way it deescalated, it feels like a farce. it feels like a prank. it feels like you did exactly what every other guy did and i feel silly for listening to you and believing you over everyone else.

why? i still see stuff that i want to tag you, but because i sent a video its all broken. And as i said, i liked what you offer but as people despite having that intense connection, we arent particularly compatible. I lost myself in you. I started to ignore what mattered to me and thats not cool either. Sitting in Women of the White house i thought if you were here youd get up, youd leave, youd tell me afterwards how unfunny it was. Youd probably call my friends nuts. And that was when i knew it wasnt gonna happen.

I felt like you knew too. You didnt want to try anymore. I was somehow in your way, and i wasnt even asking all that much of you. i just needed to know that you were still thinking of me. that you still cared. I saw you on that last date and it was not good. I felt disconnected from you. you wanted me to finish my drink. You wanted to go home. but you didnt make me feel like you cared, and then we continued not to talk to each other. You didnt care. Its like you wanted me to break things off with you, but you were too chicken shit to do it before my show cause you didnt want me to fall apart. But i wasnt. you were nice when it lasted. thats it. youre not my everything, i wont fall apart without you. You didnt really add much to my life, just some affection and someone to share some stuff with who stopped caring.

I feel done. the idea of dating. of letting another person in right now, i dont want it. I dont want to get my hopes up anymore just to have them dashed. I built an idea of you and thats on me. But you strung me along, and you lied, and you said vaccuous things that meant nothing to get me on side. I dont want to date anymore. I dont think im supposed to. i dont know wha tthe rest of this year holds for me, but the idea of meeting someone, of putting myself out there. i just cant do it. you were good for my acting. you made me open up a bit and for that i thank you.

Im sure ill never hear from you again. i dont fit into your world, and you most definitely dont fit into mine. It is fucked that you just starting kind of ghosting me. literally cooked.

also i can do without expensive things. they dont mean shit. human connection. decent human beings. thats what i value. not expensive meals or the fact that you dogged a trippy taco. like so what if you didnt like the food. this is becoming silly now.

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blogdangerousobjectcollecto-blog · 6 years

Text

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What do you think the average price of insurance would be for a 2002 V6 Mustang? I am 16, female, and this will be my first car. I'm also a full time high school student with excellent grades if that has an effect on the price.""

""You must have car insurance, question about that?""

Here in Utah, it is law that you must have car insurance. I'm wondering though, what if I borrow my father's car, and it is insured, but I am not an insured driver, how does this work? Is it fine as long as the car is insured? I might not be an insured driver but does that still fulfill the law? If not, why do people borrow cars all the time?""

Can my daughter be put on my insurance?

My daughter is 21 and she has no insurance. She is a full time college student and does not work. Can I put her on my insurance through my work? And what are the requirements?

Cheap Motor insurance HELP PLEASE!?

I am 19yrs old and i need a renewel for my car insurance, any suggestions? i have tried... money supermarket confused aa any more? thanks""

How much would car insurance be for a 16 year old to drive a 2005 Ford F-150?

I live in Arizona, I want a red or black 2005 Ford F-150 crew cab. Im not rich, my dads just got a **** ton of money cause he never buys anything. Im trying to get him to pay for the whole insurance but i really doubt hes going to. So please help me out, tell me how much me or him is going to have to pay.""

How can a 21 year old male get lower insurance on a sports car?

Currently, My Insurance is 98$ a month and I am insured on my Dad's 2012 BMW 328i and as a secondary driver on my 2012 Camaro RS, my lease is up and I am hoping to lease the new Corvette and go on my own insurance plan when I move away for work. However, my quotes so far are really high, like $200 a month high. I was wondering if there was any way that I could bring my insurance rates lower. Thanks! Additional Details- I got a speeding ticket when I was 16 but does not reflect my payments No Wrecks or claims I usually drive over 15k miles a year I Live in Tennessee""

How much are you spending on insurance for a 600cc sportbike?

I've heard that the rates are ridiculous. Yet expensive bikes like Harleys have really cheap insurance.

Can i have two car insurance one with no car on it?

i bought a car and my old insurance wouldnt let me add because i dont live with my parents anymore. now i live with my husband's family and they added my car and me to their insurance. now i have two insurance. one with no car and the other with the car.

""If someone else drives my car while I'm in the car, but they're not listed on my insurance, is this legal?""

My boyfriend and I are over the age of 25 and live together. We are not listed as drivers on each other's car insurance policies, so I was wondering if it's legal for my boyfriend to drive my car while I'm in it or for me to drive his car while he's in it. If we get pulled over or get into an accident, are we covered by the other person's insurance? Will we get in trouble for not being listed on the insurance of the vehicle we're driving?""

How much will insurance on a 2006 Mitsubishi Ecplise be?

Im looking into buying one but was just curious on the price of insurance!

Which is the best health care insurance plan & which is the best Indian company to get it?

I'm very particular about Hospital cash insurance.

Do you need medical on your auto insurance?

Yesterday I purchased a new auto insurance policy. I was convinced by the rep that I needed an optional medical provision for $5,000 dollars worth of coverage in case of an accident. She said that if I didn't get the medical coverage, I would have to inform my health insurance provider that they held the primary responsibility in case of an accident and that many health insurance plans will not accept this. My family has really good health insurance--do we really need medical coverage on our auto insurance, too?""

WHere casn i get cheap insurance in toronto canada?

Hi guys i need help, where can iu get real cheap insurance for my car thanks""

Affordable dental insurance for my two year old?

I am trying to find a good dental insurance online for my son. I have came across a company called careington, but heard their discounts are never to be seen after you get things done. Does Metlife cover children? Anything helps! I'm trying to find something that isn't tricare related, he has regular tricare insurance, but takes forever for paperwork to go through, needing somethign fast and cheap...thanks.""

Buying SR22 Insurance Online?

I need to know the cheapest site or agency to buy sr22 insurance. Any ideas? Thanks!!

How much can I expect to pay for a dented car door?

Actually, an off-duty police office hit my 2000 Dodge Stratus with his 2002 GMC Sierra while turning into a parking spot. The rear passenger door has a fairly large (about one foot in length and about a half inch at its deepest point) dent. The paint (I'm assuming) has a large crack running under the dent. The scratch from the impact starts at the bottom left of my rear bumper, and continues on the bottom left side of my car before the door starts, and continues to halfway through to the other side. The paint isn't scratched too deeply, and could probably be fixed up without too much work. His insurance is paying for it all; but they're going to give me a check based on an estimate - I'm just trying to figure out, going into it, what kind of estimate I can expect so I don't get taken advantage of. Thanks! (Fast response of the Best Answer!)""

Why make a deduction for medical insurance?

I just started a new job, my first full-time job. I guess first thing first: is medical insurance the same thing as health insurance? And my employer handed me a form for payroll deductions. medical insurance is an option. Why would I have money deducted from my paycheck to go to medical insurance? And when the money leaves my paycheck where does it go? I know I could ask someone but weirdly no one else is in the office this week, but I need to fill it out before the new year. Thanks for any and all information!! Happy new year!""

Incorrect no claims bonus quoted on my renewal for car insurance?

I have recently had my renewal quote through from my current car insurer and have noticed it states more years for my no claims bonus then I've actually got. I've looked back at my previous paperwork and it looks like I made a massive error. I really wanted to stay with the same insurer but know I will need to inform them of the error. Has anyone been in this situation before? Not sure what happens! :0

Does anyone have HealthNet insurance?

I'm wondering if anyone else has HealthNet insurance and what it covers as far as diagnostic and fertility treatments? I'm considering switching from my Blue Cross&Blue Shield...just to something that will cover at LEAST diagnostic and maybe an RE I'm in Southern California

Scooter insurance for 16 year olds?

I turn 16 this year and wanna start riding a 50cc scooter. I found the one i want, i was wondering the rough cost of insurance on a 50cc moped for a 16 year old on a provisional license in the UK. Thanks Jamie Deeks""

Can I have two health insurances?

I am pregnant, and my work covers me but i already have insurance. But only for myself my not baby so I was curious how it all works? I will be getting kicked off my current insurance soon so would my work insurance just take the place of it when that happens? thanks for any help :)""

What is a good car insurance for someone that is 21?

im 21 my car is insured by my moms insurance but she wants to take me off. What are some good options??i live in california and im a full time student.

Car bump and getting insurance.?

I had a bump around a year and a half ago and there was very minimal damage and no injuries, the woman gave a different name to me than to the insurance and I think maybe she wasn't insured? If the case was closed and went nowhere but the insurance company knew would this be recorded on their system.""

HELP! With Car insurance??????

OK so I lost my license because I got caught driving without insurance in September 2010. I just passed my test today. When I'm checking the quotes, the cheapest I have managed to find was 7400 for 1 year. That is for a 1.1L Peugeot 206 Insurance group 3. They can't expect me to pay that much for insurance for 1 year, I will need a mortgage for that. Does anyone know how much insurance will increase by after getting 6 points? I'm 20 BTW!""

Does AAA offer short term car insurance?

I just got my license but will be moving down to San Diego in a week to start college. My parents don't want to start me on a long term insurance plan as I won't be using their cars much so it's a waste of money. I was wondering if there is a short term insurance plan that is cheaper as it would be very convenient to drive this week instead of taking busses.

I just found out i'm pregnant with no insurance?

I just found out I'm pregnant and don't have insurance. I live in California near the Los Angeles/ Orange County line. I am trying to find out if there are any free/low cost clinics I can go to to get checked out? Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Classic car insurance with Geico?

I have a 1967 Chevrolet Impala SS. It has 118k. It's all factory except for a cd player, two 6x9 speakers and window tint. I don't have any insurance on it at the moment and I want to get classic auto insurance. How exactly does that work and what would it cost me. Thanks.""

Do I need car insurance once I get my driver's license?

Can I just get my driver's license and not drive the vehicle? Because I know if you drive a car you need insurance, but what if I just have my license and am not driving anything? Also, I heard about this family policy that if I'm driving a parent's car with my driver's license I'm covered under THEIR insurance? I am not talking about a learner's permit, I'm talking about an actual driver's license. I can get my license on December 4th. Thanks for your answers!""

How much insurance is it for a 16 year old boy in alberta?

just planning to buy a 1996 car any ideas?

How much will my insurance go up for my first DWI-drugs conviction (read for more info/details)?

I am wondering how much my insurance will go up by a percent amount? I am a 25 year old guy with a dwi conviction on the way. I didn't hurt or kill the other driver. I did have to repair the other car, but my rates didn't go up for that. I don't have any other points against me. My lawyer just keeps saying substantially, but that is it.""

""Just got my M1 , wondering what kind of motorcycle I should look at? ( price/Insurance wise )?""

I have my eye on the Suzuki 500 gs , Since its considered a Touring sport, I will have cheaper insurance... Any suggestions on some motorcycles, I live in Ontario Canada. Thanks""

Is there any insurance company in california that will accept to give me coverage if i have PCOS?

I also need an insurance coverage for pregnancy as I am trying to conceive

How much are you spending on insurance for a 600cc sportbike?

I've heard that the rates are ridiculous. Yet expensive bikes like Harleys have really cheap insurance.

What insurance companies allows under 25's to drive any car on fully-comprehensive insurance?

Hi there, I'm 18 and have insurance with Tesco young drivers however that does not cover me to drive every car as under 25's aren't covered. I need to drive my mums car soon and she is abroad on business for 6months so cannot add me on to her insurance either, which leaves me with a problem. I can't find a company anywhere that allows under 25's to drive any car on fully-comprehensive insurance so was wondering if anybody out there did? Thank you""

""My car was a total loss, my insurance wants to go for a settlement? ?""

My car was a total loss, my insurance wants to go for a settlement? how do i know that they are giving me a fair settlement? do i check the blue book value for my car when it was brand new, or as a used car(coz i bought my car as a used car with 23,000 mileage), or would they pay it as used plus the current mileage when my car was declared a total loss (it has 30,000 mileage). I bought my car, a 2005 honda accord coupe with 23,000 mileage <--- how much do they normally settle with this car?""

What is car insurance like for a 16 year old?

I've had no suspensions or tickets, and im wondering what yearly insurance would be for a 2005 4 dr chevy cobalt, or a 2005 dodge sx 2.0. Please don't give me links to websites, because I want to hear first hand opinions! Thanks!""

Do auto insurance companies actually confirm the info you provide for the quote?

After requesting a quote online, you anto insurance companies actually confirm that all the info u gave are true? For example; moving violations, actual address? Does the DMV verify this info?""

How Much Would My Car Insurance Be?

I'm a 20 year old female who just got her license, so I have no driving record to speak of. I want to buy a cheap used car (somewhere south of 2 or 3 thousand dollars.) What I would really like would be an old Ford Ranger (a small pick-up truck) or a Jeep Cherokee. I know insurance definitely increases for a truck, and unfortunately, Jeeps are considered recreational vehicles (because their original use was for off-roading and such) so it would also increase my insurance. However, since I'm planning on buying an older car (like late 90s or early 2000s) I wouldn't have a car payment, only an insurance payment (and gas, of course.) So does anybody have any vague ideas of how much my insurance payment would be?? If it helps any, I'm going to be put on my parent's insurance, and my brother (who currently IS on their insurance) drives a PT Cruiser and his payment is $150 a month. I'm guessing mine would be north of $200, but not above $250? Is that close? Any ideas? Thanks! -Ashley""

Does anyone else have USAA insurance?

When do I get my insurance card

Ive been looking into pet insurance and Im a bit confused.?

Ive been looking into pet insurance and Im a bit confused. When it says: wellness exam (split between two visits per year) $40 vaccinations $30 heartworm test $25 fecal test $15 deworming $20 microchip $20 flea and/or heartworm preventive $50 blood screen or x-ray or EKG $50 Is the dollar amount the price the insurance pays all year or per visit?

What are the best car insurance company's?

In California it is Wawanesa low insurance rates for good drives only

Minor accident no insurance ?

I got in a minor accident I'm 17 my dad has insurance but I'm not under that insurance the cop showed up and just told me I had court there was no injuries what am I facing ? My car got chipped the other car was only paint scratches

Premium return life insurance?

What is the big bennefit of premium return life insurance policies?

Can someone help me with car insurance?

i am 16 years old. live in louisiana. birthday march 20th. completed drivers ed. probably going to drive a 2006 nissan sentra. and i was wondering how much my monthly insurance rate would be? if i would get it in my name? i am expecting it to be pretty expensive.

What are car insurance bonds?

Which company is best for insurance?

I am 17 and have just passed my test I have a 1.4 litre hatchback and need to get my insurance. Where is best? Thanks

California Insurance Code 187.14?

Do people on medicare have to apply for affordable care?

According to the affordable care act people have to register for insurance in October .

""Best insurance company? People with actual experience, having made a claim please.?""

Hi, I am wondering what you consider to be the best insurance company -- mainly for auto, but also maybe for combination auto and home. Please, I need people who have had more experience with the company than just buying their insurance there. I need people who have actually had to make a claim and to tell me how good the company was about it and if they were quick to respond and take care of the situation. Also, did your rates go up as a result? Also, good prices are very important to me. Where did you get reasonable rates with great service? These could be traditional or online insurance providers. I am looking into all options, so I appreciate any input, although like I said before, I need to know from people who have made a claim -- or done more than just pay for insurance. Thank you for all your help.""

Car Insurance. 50/50?

I was in a minor car accident like a month ago. and they've finally almost resolved the claim. It's probably going to be 50/50, now how will that work out in terms of money?? As in, I had an estimate of the cost it would have took to fix my damage, am I gonna get half of that?""

What company offers the cheapest auto insurace?

Help!!!I My car insurance is $432.00 a month! My husband has gotten 3 speeding tickets within the past year and our car insurance has sky rocketed. We currently have Geico Insurance and I have gotten a few more qoutes from different companies but nothing has been cheaper. Besides the obvious advise (SLOW DOWN), does anyone know what we can do to lower our monthly premium?""

How much would taxi insurance cost?

How much would it cost to insure a car essentially as a taxi? Also how much would it cost for a person to be insured in a customers car (any car they drive)?

What car has the cheapest insurance for a first time driver?

i have looked at a few cars and atm i think a corsa 1.0 is one of the cheapest i know that i will need to get a 1.0 but does any1 know any other 1.0 litre cars that are decent so i can compare??

Car Insurance in Connecticut?

I just got my license back after my first DUI arrest over a year ago. I want to get a car but insurance would be around $5,000 a year for a car that only costs $1,500. Does anyone know what the laws are in CT about car insurance and if I need it to drive my own car. Does the car need to be insured to be on the road?""

How much would it cost if i put full coverage on a 2007 Nissan Altima?

I want to buy a 2007 Nissan Altima 2.5s and want to put full coverage on it. I want to know how much or approx how much would it be? and whats the best insurance out there that wont cost too much each month. geico? the general? farmers? progressive? Please respond back!

Whats the best car insurance website to compare?

looking for cheap car insurance, plz :)""

What does auto insurance deductible mean?

I just bought a new car but the bank that financed the loan is asking for proof of auto insurance on the car with a comprehensive and collision deductible of $1000 maximum. I put AAA insurance on the vehicle and they gave me a $500 deductible on both comprehensive and collision. Do i need the $1000 deductible or am i good with the $500 deductible?

I want to save money and am looking for cheapest car insurance in uk?

can any one tell me where to get an insurance say third party only or fire and theft at the most for less than 500 pounds a year online

How much are you spending on insurance for a 600cc sportbike?

I've heard that the rates are ridiculous. Yet expensive bikes like Harleys have really cheap insurance.

How much does insurance cost for a teenager?

I'm seventeen years old and I'm going to have to pay for it on my own, and I'm just curious what I might be paying? I live in California and I'll be driving a 99 jeep Cherokee.""

How much do you think my car insurance will go up???

I got caught speeding in a school zone. The speed limit was 20mph and i was going 37 mph. that is 17mph over the speed limit. i already have one speeding ticket on my record and have doubled one to get it taken off. i talked to a lawyer and to get it dropped down the prosecuter wants me to tripple the fine, take a driving class, and go on diversion for a year. That would cost me at least $800. so i am thinking about risking just paying it and seeing how mush my car insurance will actually go up. the fine on the ticket is $165 and i am a 18 year old male. SHOULD I RISK IT or not???""

Does geico insurance policy with full coverage cover a stolen car that was left unlocked?

How should I go about getting car insurance? (20 years old)?

I have enough money to buy my first car, I'm going for a car with a small engine around 1.2-1.6. when getting insurance quotes however, the cheapest quote i've found is around 1700 quid. help?? surely i can get insured on my own car for less than this?""

How much would the Insurance go up for a sports exhaust. 10 POINTS?

Hi at the moment my boss pays my insurance on his business fleet as I work in his office in the week, therefore I have a business car (ford feista) I asked him as he's my uncle can I get sports exhaust for it if I pay for it and the additional cost Of the insurance every year IF it goes up. I'm 18 he pays 1200 for the year and I think that goes to about 600 this year.. As he's got 5 business cars on the same fleet. How much extra will it cost me?""

Off roading 4wd insurance question?

Hi all Just wanting to know if when you are 4wding if you have an accident eg :rool the 4wd or flood it or break stuff on it are we covered by insurance and are there any 4wding insurance companies for 4wders only?

What are the pros and cons of national health insurance?

It's going to be a hot topic in the next Presidential election. What do you think?

Good military discounts for car insurance?

My husband is a Marine, we recently bought a new car and we're looking for good car insurance, preferably with a military discount! Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks!""

Should i have my g2 licence for sure to get my auto insurance?

I've my international driving permit and g1 license.... but when i try to get auto insurance quote in the internet... The results are not given,if i mention i have my international driving licence or G1 licence.... So this is making me wonder, only if i have g2 licence... its possible to get my car insurance in canada? ... Please help.""

Sportbike insurance for 16 year old?

I was curious about getting a 2008 HONDA CBR 600RR any idea how much the insurance would be??

How much will my insurance go up?

I got a ticket today for reckless driving (drifted coming out of school.) I'm only 16 and I'm a male, so how much will my insurance go up?""

How much will my auto insurance cost?

I just turned 16 a couple months ago and i already have my license, and i live in Colorado. My parents have State Farm auto insurance and they want me to pay for my own insurance when i get a car. I already know that you can get a bunch of discounts for things like getting good grades and attendence and safe driving and not driving your car to school, but anyways i was wondering how much it would cost me without any discounts? Like how much would it be every month or so? I do have a job but i dont know if i would have enough to pay for car insurance. Any help is needed! thank you!!!""

Bussiness liability Insurance state of ga?

Looking to purchase INS. For a company that goes to car dealerships and performs work on the cars on the dealers lot . If a car has cloth they would switch it out for leather (pre made kit). No emp. Only owner. How much do we need ? Where do you buy it ? THANKS

Car insurance advice?

I am 20 years old just got my license in February my car insurance is currently 217 with abc I can't afford it so where can I get a cheaper insurance I know because my age cheap isn't a option but 200 is insane.. or would it be cheaper for somebody to put me on their insurance with my car!! HEEEELLLLPPP btw I have a 06 mazda 6

Why is michigan car insurance so high?

I am a 21 year old female with no little credit but I have no bad credit. I rent an apartment and pay all my bills on time. I have a 2004 monte carlo ss that I paid 3500 for. This is my first car. The cheapest quote I got was 350 a month and that's only for the state minimum. I already have health insurance. They want me to pay more for car insurance than my car is worth and if I get in an accident they wont even cover it.

If you are on someone else's car insurance?

I was put onto a friends car insurance policy for 6 months... Is that the standard policy time frame or could you make it longer or shorter etc. based on your situation?

How to find stolen life insurance benefits?

If someone were to submit a benefit disclaimer letter to a life insurance company with a forged signature (the beneficiary was never told of the policy). What would be the best advice (other than seeking an attorney) to find any and all life insurance company names at the time of the insureds death? Can I report a fraud claim with my state (Ohio) if I have physical proof? I can file a missing life insurance/annuity search request, but dont know if this will help me find any disclaimed benefits already stolen. I have a feeling life insurance companys would keep this quiet. I suppose I could cold call the life insurance companys that operate in my state and ask if they have my name on file.""

How reliable is erie auto insurance?

What country has the best and most affordable health care system in the world?

it cannot possibly be the united states. in the united states the only ones that can afford healthcare probably cannot actually afford it, their insurance covers it. take away ...show more""

Car insurance confusingggg?

Hey I'm looking to get a new car I'm 22 been driving 3 years and have been driving a boring 1.2 since I started so i finally ready for a new car. I got some quotes I originally jus wanted a 1.6 pertol or something but I got a few quotes on more powerful cars just for a laugh. To my suprise I can actually get insured on cars like 2.5 litre turbo ford focus st and golf gti etc. so now obvioulsy i want one of them but concerned about fuel consumption might cost alot I was also thinking about a audi a3 2.0 tdi which is a diesal. heres where i get confused the focus and golf are a fair bit cheaper to insure than the less powerful diesal a3 I really crnt get my head around this, I have got my quotes from confused.com and had one directly from a insurance website it seems strange and too good to be true. Any know why this is and also anyone got any suggestion on fuel consumption in big engine pertol cars""

17 year old male car insurance!?

I am 16 (soon to turn 17) and I already have my lessons and car sorted out. If I passed my theory and practical test first time I am looking at getting a 1.0L Toyota Yaris in mid-September. I live in Blackpool (UK). I have been looking at quotes and insurance companies for ages but I can't find a consistent price. I was wondering (roughly) how much my insurance would be with and with-out a black box and any ideas for which insurance company to go for?

What is the best affordable Health Insurance in Las Vegas I'm 24 and don't have any medical conditions ?

What are the steps needed to sell health insurance and/or become a broker/agent in Minnesota?

Is there a significant difference in auto insurance rates when males turn 25 years old?

I had a friend who worked in auto insurance for a few months, he said that it is all a myth, which is hard to believe. I live in California, and I wanted to get a nicer car when I'm older but insuance is going to be a killer.""

Is There Any One-Day Car Insurance?

I have a car that is unplated and I don't drive it for more than one year but I am going for my G license test which can be done in one day. So, I wonder if there is any car insurance for one day in Ontario Canada?""

How much are you spending on insurance for a 600cc sportbike?

I've heard that the rates are ridiculous. Yet expensive bikes like Harleys have really cheap insurance.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/buy-cheap-car-insurance-online-insurancezip-justin-gonzalez/"

0 notes

spnrelatedurl · 7 years

Text

Updates and stuff...

Hi there! Don’t hold me to it (if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know why...) but I’m hoping a little later on today or tomorrow I’ll upload a chapter of something. Perhaps Con-Blue’s? Under the cut is what’s happening in my life if you’re interested! :)

So, if you’re reading this now, you probably have some sort of interest in my life - and for that, I sincerely thank you. I don’t even know where to begin to be honest. I know Chuck/God said that any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but this is kind of a tricky story.

I guess it started last year when I got a placement at this house that we THOUGHT was for women like me with High-Functioning Autism... it wasn’t. Instead it was a place for people with really complex mental health issues. Like, one was pretty delusional, another screamed way into the night, etc. Not that I can blame them for what they did, because they were very ill.

But there was one woman who came after me that made life there a living hell, and she did it - to the best of my knowledge - on purpose. I have no clue what her issues were, that wasn’t my business, but what she did to me was horrible. At this point, I’m gonna put a trigger warning in the tags, and if you see them, just know that what I write my trigger you, so please be aware.

Okay, what this person would do was pretty much beyond my understanding. She would lie constantly about things that were really gut-wrenchingly unimaginable (e.g. all her friends killed themselves or left her, being sexually abused, etc, bearing in mind someone in that house previously was literally so so messed up because she was raped by her dad, lost a baby in a mental hospital, things like that.) and it just wasn’t true. I was told by the workers it wasn’t true - but she was getting way into my head. She would always cling to me and hug me (which I didn’t like because she never cleaned herself and her hair was so wiry and it would poke into my skin.) and I would always try and wriggle my way out of her grasp but she just kept clawing back into whatever I was doing.

Anyway, before I knew what she was like I asked her if she liked this show Impractical Jokers (the boys were performing live near us and I wanted to go with someone cause I had a spare ticket.) and she agreed. Big mistake to invite her, I know, but I couldn’t help myself. I was a people pleaser. I still am to some degree, but I’ve learned my lesson. See, I wanted to have a nice night, see a funny show, and maybe have a night off from all the lying and stuff. Did I? Did I bollocks! I was as separated from her as I could be seating wise, and she was so angry that we didn’t spend the whole night together, that she would constantly make digs at me throughout that night, and when we finally got home, she cried on my bed and said I was being horrible to her. Like??? REALLY?!? I did absolutely nothing. We went with two workers who wanted us to be apart because they knew how much I couldn’t stand her, and then she starts acting as though it was my fault.

I should also add that she lied about really trivial stuff too, that night she said she didn’t even get one drink and she starved herself because of how upset she was. Found out later that she was in a five guys sipping on a beer she didn’t even want to finish. I literally did not and still don’t understand her. Anyway, I was trying for MONTHS to get out of that place, and thank god for my mum because honestly she was working as quick as she could to get me out. But anyway...

ALSO, this woman would cut herself superficially so she appeared to have scratches so she could claim she cut herself, and she would claim to be anorexic, yet she would steal my food and eat it. In fact I saw her eating constantly, so she was lying about so much. I say woman too... she was eighteen. She’s just a bratty self entitled teenager who bullies people. And I’m sure she did tonnes more, but I can’t even think of it. I’m just glad to get it off my chest.

Meanwhile... there’s also good news. I’m out of that place thank goodness. I’m living with my mum until after Easter where I’m moving to this AMAZING place. It’s not strictly for people with HFA, but it’s not for people with complex mental health needs either. It’s a place for five individuals, two upstairs for me and someone of my choosing (out of people who want to live there and fit criteria) and three people downstairs with physical impairments, and honestly? They’re so lovely. The staff are amazing, and the house... YOU GUYS!!! THE HOUSE!!! It’s spectacular. I won’t tell you anymore about the house or location or cost or whatever in a paranoid fear that someone may get that information and find me or something, but you guys!! It has electronic gates, a huge garden. I’ll have regular access to animals and I might possibly be going to a college for people like me. As well as that, I have an awesome keyworker already who I’ve met and I just love her. She’s hilarious.

But it’s been a bit of a roller coaster recently, as you can tell.

But I’ve also turned twenty-one recently, so if anyone can fund it, who wants to take be to FBBC? ;) It looks so cool. I hope you guys are good too. I don’t even know what to say now. I feel like the adrenaline from this writing has dwindled, but I’m gonna try and rekindle it with a chapter of Con-Blue’s? Love you guys. Honest to god. Please message me if you wanna chat or anything really. :D

#tw #self harm #mental illness #psychological abuse #suicide #suicide mention #manipulation #rape #anorexia #liar

0 notes

johnnyfizz89 · 8 years

Text

Project Gooey Bear

By: Johnny

August 11, 2012 11:46PM First Edition Typed

Started writing again-1/21/2017 1:35pm

Hey this is Johnny Fizz. I contacted you about the Gooey Bear Project 6 months ago and haven’t heard back from you guys. Yes sir we did a background check and couldn’t find any information on any Johnny Fizz. The CDC can’t be contacted by people that haven’t had a full background check and since Johnny Fizz doesn’t exist. Ok so hold on, if I give you my true name you’ll contact me? That is correct sir. I won’t do it I’ll just come to you. Ok sir, have a nice day. Ok screw you and thanks for wasting my time.

Yes can I speak with Sargent 32789045? Can you please hold sir, yah I’ll hold? Hello who’s calling? J, how’s it going man, long time no speak. Johnny, what is it this time my friend? Straight to the point, that’s why we’re still friends. So what’s up, what laws have you broken and need me to fix? Oh it’s nothing like that. Look your branch of the Military works with the CDC right? Frequently, but I can’t tell even you what we’re working on my friend. No I was just wondering if you could perhaps set up a meeting for me with the head of the CDC. What are you going to do interview them? Can you do it for me or not, PLEASE? Wow, please even, you must really want this. I’ve never heard please come out of your mouth before. Ok Johnny I’ll set it up for you but you’re going to owe me big. How about tickets to the US Open, you like tennis right? I do love tennis, you got yourself a deal. Thanks J I’ll talk with you later man.

Knock Knock, doors open. Johnny, where are you at? I’m in the Kitchen. Colt, what the hell are you doing here? Um, have you had a bad day or something? No I’m just a little surprised to see you here. I always come here on Free Movie Fridays to pick you up. Shit that’s tonight isn’t it? Are you sure you’re alright? Yah I’m fine just a little nervous about meeting with the head of the CDC. You actually got ahold of the HOT and they actually want to see you? You call the CDC the HOT? Yeah it stands for head of the CDC. Whatever I did have a little help from my Military friend, but yes I’m meeting with them sometime. Well you can worry about that later because we got a free movie to get to my friend. You’re right let’s get out of here. Hold on I better lock the place up before we go. Ok but hurry man we’re already late.

Hey guy where you two headed? Its Free Movie Fridays at the mall. I thought you worked on Fridays Andrea. I just got a call from my boss, I get a 3 day weekend starting today. Listen guys do you mind if I tag along, I don’t have any plans for tonight. You’ll have to ask Colt he’s driving. What do you say Colt? Hop in the back seat. Cool, so do you guys know what we’re going to see? Nope, we decide when we get there. It makes it more fun.

Really guys a zombie movie? Oh come on what’s better than watching stupid people get eaten by zombies. Well I'm not a fan of zombie movies that’s all. Well than you sure picked the wrong guys to tag along with because we happen to love zombie movies. Your right, so how long is it? Let’s see, it says 130 minutes so just over 2 hours. Oh I am so picking where we eat after this. Fair enough just try not to scream throughout the whole move, we’d like to enjoy it. You are an ass. Hey I'm just trying to warn you. Zombie movie fans can be dangerous when chickens come to watch their movies. It ruins it for everybody else when they scream the whole time. Just pick a seat and shut up, I promise I won’t scream.

You know what guy’s I have to admit that was a pretty good movie. Yah Milla never disappoints in a movie. So where are we going for food, I'm starving. I'm hungry too, we could go for Mexican. How about the Food Court at the mall, that way we each can get exactly what we want. Great idea, we’ll head there. RING RING, RING RING, Johnny answer your phone. No I don’t answer that thing at all when I'm driving. You can go ahead and answer it for me. Hello who’s calling? This is Dr. Tom Frieden I'm the Director for the CDC. Is there a Johnny Fizz there? Oh he can’t talk right now he’s driving can I take a message. Yes tell him that I want to speak with him as soon as he’s not busy. We need to discuss his project and since you’re not him I can’t tell you anymore about it so I’ll say goodbye. He has my number so please have him call me.

Well by to you to. Who was it Andrea? Some jerk dude from the CDC asking for you about some project. I was waiting for that call did he say anything else? No he said since I wasn’t you that he couldn’t discuss anything more and hung up on me. He said you have his number and to call him as soon as you can to talk about your project, that’s all he said. I’ll have to call him back at the food court. What in the hell kind of project could you and the CDC have going on? None of your business, I can’t go telling everybody in the world friends or not.

You guys go get your food and I’ll call the Jerk guy. You want me to get you anything? A Subway foot long, jalapenos, pickles, green and black olives, mustard, pepperoni, cheddar cheeses lettuce and no mayo, thanks Colt. Yeah there’s no way I’ll remember all of that.

Ring…Ring… hello. Yes is this Dr. Tom Frieden at the CDC? Yes who am I speaking to? This is Johnny Fizz you called me about 20 minutes ago while I was driving. Oh yes I'm glad you called back I need to talk with you. Are you free now? I'm free what do you need to talk to me about? Can we meet now or would that be difficult? No not all I'm at the Southern Hills Mall Food Court. Good I'm driving through Iowa and I can be there in 10 minutes. I think you’re going to like what we have to talk about. I’ll be right here waiting.

So did you call the jerk at the CDC? He’s not a jerk and yes I called him. He’s on his way here right now to talk to me in person. You mean we have to wait here until he gets here. Guys come on this is important to me, he said he’d be here in about 10 minutes. Ok I can eat slowly, here’s your foot long dude. Wow, you did remember everything. How can you eat that combination? It’s like a pizza and nachos and pickle goodness. MMM this is so good I love jalapenos and pepperoni on my sandwiches. If only they could add French fries and chips on it. Yah I don’t think Subway would be down for that, its Subway eat fresh not Subway eat saturated fat. Oh hahaha I suppose I’ll have to open my own Subway and make it my way. So it’ll be the Burger King of Subways? Of course it will be.

I think your CDC friend is here. Where, I think behind you in a Lab Coat. What, why is he wearing that in public? You must be Johnny Fizz, a pleasure to finally meet you. Who are your friends? I'm Colt and this is Andrea. Hi, you spoke on the phone with me not to long ago. I remember, hope your all having a good night. Can we get to the point you said you needed to talk to me about something. Yes well I can’t discuss anything around them. Well then excuse us, they’re both my friends and I’ll just tell them anyways about what we talk about so sit or leave. Alright it’s your project after all. I am pleased to tell you that you were absolutely correct about the gooey bear. It has officially survived the atmosphere of outer space and we will be sending a sample specifically with the gooey bear as the host and seeing if we can finally develop a strong enough cure for illnesses here on earth. That’s great when do we start, when does it launch for space? As soon as you give the ok, we are paying for it and I am in charge of the CDC but it’s still your project. Well you have my full approval Dr. Send it as soon as you want. I’d like to be there to watch it being launched if you don’t mind. That can be arranged, your friends can accompany you if they like. Sweet, I'm down. You know you’re not a jerk after all Dr. Tom Frieden. Thanks Andrea, wait how did you know my full name? I googled it on my phone before you came here. Well I must leave you now I have an important meeting at headquarters to discuss a recent outbreak at Yosemite National park.

Well this has been a great night guys I thank you both for allowing me to come with you. Good night Andrea, see you guys later. Hey Johnny do you think she’d go out with me? Dude your married already. I mean if I wasn’t married do you think she’d date me? I don’t see why not, try asking her that sometime. Listen Colt I have a new project I'm working on and I was wondering if you could help me with it. How can I help? I need to run a test on myself but I need somebody to record the data while I'm doing the testing on myself. I’m confused but I’ll help you man. Good can you be here tomorrow at the crack of dawn. You got it man noon tomorrow I’ll be here. Ok noon tomorrow but just be sure you get here by then or we won’t have enough time to do the experiment.

Ok so where do we begin. First I need you to promise not to tell anyone about anything that we do. I promise not to tell anybody what we are about to do. Good now I'm going to take this Zinc Sulfide and I need you to write down every reaction I have to it ok. What the heck is Zinc Sulfide and why are you injecting yourself with it? Its white pigment and it already exists in the human body anyways, I'm just injecting a little more is all. Oh ok that sounds safe. I hate needles and that stung a little, write that down. How should I title this stuff? Just Day 1- He has injected himself with Zinc Sulfide and it stung a little.

Ok it’s been 6 hours how long is this going to take man? I should be feeling something or seeing something by now. Wait I feel light headed and my throat feels sore. Go lay down and I’ll write the symptoms down for you. It’s been 6 hours since he injected himself with the Zinc Sulfide and finally he appears to be showing symptoms. He has a sore throat, he’s light headed and he says his eyes are itchy and he has a runny nose. Colt I have to tell you what else I injected myself with. You remember the guy from the food court? The CDC Doctor dude, sure what about him? He handed me a sample of my project under the table before he left. It’s called tardigrades, it’s a water bear practically microscopic. So that’s why you called it project gooey bear, well are you going to die or something? I don’t know, I'm the first human test subject. I'm growing weaker by the minute but if I survive I’ll know the gooey bear is compatible with a human host. If I die then the gooey bear could turn me into something bad. Should you have done this in your home Johnny? Johnny you need to answer me you’re freaking me out. Whoa Johnny, you alright man? He passes out and Colt runs over to Andreas. He bangs on her door and she answers. Colt, what the hell are you doing here and why are you banging on my door? You need to come with me I think there’s something wrong with Johnny.

A few hours pass and Johnny starts to open his eyes. Andrea what are you doing here? Colt you were supposed to keep this a secret, I trusted you man. Hey don’t blame me man you were about to die and shit and I freaked out I had to tell somebody. So how do you feel now? I have to go throw up. Colt I don’t think you should have called me, he seems pretty pissed off. Hey write this down, after symptoms started 6 hours in, subject passed out for, what time is it? Just after 9 p.m. Subject passed out for 3 hours and upon waking up had to vomit. Anything else? No actually I feel really great. Turn the lights on would you. Yikes, look at your arm. Give me the pen. There is an increased white pigmentation at the injection site and no signs of itchiness or burning or any discomfort.

So what’s next Johnny? Well now that I know it doesn’t kill humans I can do more tests to control the pigmentation. Well as long as you’re done doing these tests on yourself I don’t see any reason why you can’t. Listen guys I'm really glad I have you two as friends. I need to ask you both a favor. That all depends on what it involves I'm not going to be your guinea pig. No, I want you two to help me with another experiment called project bacon. You want us to cook bacon? No that’s the name of the experiment I want the three of us to work on together. Does it involve pork at all? No Andrea it doesn’t involve pork, bacon is just an anagram. For what exactly breakfast? Ba is Barium, C is Carbon, O is Oxygen and N is Nitrogen on the periodic table of elements. When placed together they spell bacon but it’s nothing more than a happy mistake.

So what’s this bacon experiment all about and why do you need 3 people to do it? This experiment is part of the Gooey Bear project I'm doing with the CDC only they don’t know about it. What so you’re doing this behind the CDC’s back. That’s right, which is why I need my 2 best friends to help me with it. Listen man I trust you so, I'm in. Thanks Colt, what about you Andrea? I suppose as long as no animals get hurt or me then, I’m in also. Thanks guy. Ok I have almost everything we’re going to need for this experiment but 2 things are still needed. I'm going to need an Oxygen tank and more Barium. Don’t mean to sound uneducated but what the heck is barium anyways? It’s used for medical diagnostic testing. English Johnny, it’s a type of dye used for medical things. Things, now there’s dumbing it down for you. Just worry about the Oxygen tank and Ill head to the Hospital for the Barium and we can meet back at my place this afternoon. Alright man sound good just don’t get arrested. Please I get Barium from the Hospital all the time. My mom used to work there and I became friends with all the doctors and nurses so I can get things most people cant.

Hey Johnny how’s your day going? It’s going great but I need some more Barium for an experiment I'm doing, do you think you could help me out? I’ll need to call a doctor to help you I'm kind of busy at the moment my friend. Please take your time I don’t want to rush you.

Daylight is gone. There is only darkness now. Soon it will consume all light on Earth. Johnny wake up, hey wake up my friend. Sorry guess I dozed off for a few minutes. That’s quite alright just be careful where you fall asleep in here man, it is a Hospital. Don’t want one of my nurses carrying you off to some operating room by mistake. You must be the doctor my friend sent for. Yes she said you needed to get some barium. Yes I need some for an experiment I’m doing and I was wondering if you could help me out. I'm not sure if I can give it to you without asking what the experiment is first, standard procedure of course. Oh yes of course I would ask for it without telling you what I'm using it for. You see I'm working on a project for the CDC and I need Barium to test a microorganism sample they sent me. Interesting, well as long as you know what you’re doing. I'm going to need you to sign a release form so that if anything does go wrong or I find out you’re misusing it, proper action can be taken. Thanks so much for this doctor, this is a big help. Don’t mention it just use it carefully my friend. So did you get the barium? I got it, drive to my house.

Colt what the hell took you so long to get here? It’s not my fault man there was some kind of solar thing. It wiped out all electronics and vehicles and everything else for a while. You didn’t notice anything at all? No, guess I must have dozed off again and missed it. What do you mean again you’ve dozed off already today? Yah at the hospital but that’s only because hospitals are cold and cold make me sleepy. You know that about me. No Johnny this is serious you need to log this dozing off stuff. It could be a delayed side effect to your injection of Zinc Sulfide stuff. Maybe your right but that was days ago. Still I want you to record every time you doze off. Write down what time you think you dozed off and the time you wake up from it so we know if it’s getting better or worse.

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