#if movie entertaining - then movie good. yes i am an expert

[physalian]

What No One Tells You About Writing 8— “Anyone can write a book”

Yes. But actually no. I say “writing is easy” in that it doesn’t take a degree and textbook learning to understand. You can get an English or lit degree if you want, but writing is incredibly subjective. It’s not even like an art degree that has you study different mediums and historical styles. “Writing is easy” in that it’s about feeling, and instinct, and a little bit of common sense. Anyone can do it in that it doesn’t take financial investment to start. Steal a tchotchke pen and paper from a hotel room—you’ve got all the tools you need. I have a communications degree and 9 years of experience, and I'm about to publish my first supernatural fantasy novel.

Writing is not easy, however, if any of the following applies to you:

You want to make enough money to do this full time

You want to appeal to mass audiences

You want to be a NYT bestseller**** or get an adaptation

You want to be regarded as the best of your generation and fill bookstore shelves

1. It takes a healthy dose of self-awareness and a reality check

 I beta’d for an author who thought that he was comparable to GRRM, the author of A Song of Ice and Fire, because both have adult themes in their book and if GRRM can do it, why can’t he? The sheer vastness of the divide between ASOIAF and this awful, awful manuscript wasn’t worth putting into words for the amount I was being paid, though I tried.

Yes, you can write whatever you want. Yes, you can write to please yourself and stroke your ego. You can write the hammiest wish-fulfillment author insert that you desire. But you can’t expect anyone else to want to read or pay money for it. It’s great to have confidence as an author and envision your success, but starting right off the bat with “everyone will love this book because I’m really smart and I love this book” is only going to leave you bitter and penniless.

2. You might be an expert in your given field, doesn’t automatically make you an expert at storycrafting

I really, truly want the above godawful toe wart of a human (who tried to justify pedophilia in his book with the Israel-Palestine conflict) to stop featuring in my writing advice, but I know he’s not the only person out there who thinks like this. You might have a doctorate in engineering, medicine, political science, chemistry, physics, history, paleontology—any field you want. That does not mean you can successfully translate your expertise into a well-crafted and compelling narrative. It means you can write a college textbook lecturing your readers for 300 pages. Heck, if you can't explain what you do like I'm 5 years old, then you're not an expert in your field.

Elements of good storytelling include well-rounded characters, solid pacing, compelling themes and motifs, an engaging main conflict and character arcs and edge-of-your-seat action, romance, debates, and arguments. It’s so much more than “I’m going to write a textbook, but have my character tell it to you, and everyone will love it”.

They won’t.

3. “I’m gonna be a millionaire like JKR”

The frustrating thing about making money writing is that at the end of the day, you are still selling a product. Which means that it doesn’t matter how amazing you think it is, if it’s not what sells. The Fifty Shades series is hardly a poetic epic with deep, meaningful characters and themes, but it sold. It got adaptations. Why? Because it was a product people wanted and its writing style appeals to mass audiences who aren’t entertained by fluffy, antiquated prose. I hated the Divergent books. They soullessly and shamelessly fed off the success of Hunger Games. But they sold because “teen dystopia HP houses” was what audiences craved and what Hollywood was pushing to make movies out of.

Personally I don’t have any nostalgia for Harry Potter and I both wish I did so I could have one more beloved series and fandom to participate in, but also am glad I don’t because of JKR. HP is chock full of plot holes and “fuck it we’ll do it live” worldbuilding and so many concepts that look cool on paper until you really start thinking about it.

JKR didn’t make a million dollars because she wrote the greatest fantasy series. JKR made a million dollars because she wrote a book that sells every goddamn piece of lore for $15.99 or more and collects on all those sweet, sweet royalties. She understood that she’s selling a product, not just a story, selling everything from Slytherin ties and wizarding robes to golden snitches, sorting hats, wands, chocolate frogs, and every other prop seen in the movies.

You sure can chase trends and I’m sure Divergent is somebody’s favorite book and you can hock chocolate frogs. Everyone’s writing goals are different.

4. “But GRRM did it” (or, adhering to genre expectations)

Circling back to this one. Once again, you can write whatever you want, no one is stopping you. However, books are products and if what’s in the summary and on the cover isn’t what’s on the pages, you’re going to upset and annoy your readers. For example, if I slap a chiseled six-pack of man meat on my book cover with flowy calligraphy for the title that reads something like Sex and Pink Champagne and my summary is all about how protagonist girl gets the adonis of her dreams, you’re not going to be happy if, 200 pages in, the plot detours and Mr. Sexy fucks off to sell NFTs.

It doesn’t meet genre expectations.

GoT kicks off with incest and child defenestration. It tells you *exactly* what you’re getting into immediately. You can subvert plot expectations all you want. You can subvert tropes and archetypes and throw in all kinds of twists and turns. But if you’re writing a YA novel and 100 pages in after campfire songs and the power of friendship, Protagonist gets assaulted in a 7-11 parking lot because you wanted to be ~edgy~ you’re going to piss off your readers.

Take Mulan for example. It has a dramatic tonal shift so powerful, the musical stops being a musical because it’s traumatized. Mulan doesn’t drop in the grizzled and horrifying wasteland of a battlefield with thousands of dead soldiers in an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It’s already a war movie, the possibility is already there.

If you want to write adult content, then write a book for audiences who are prepared for and want to read adult content. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure.

5. “Okay but it’s not entertaining”

Your first job as an author is to entertain (your second is to do it responsibly imo). There’s millions of books out there—why should someone read yours? Whether that’s entertainment through a feel-good romance or a gut-wrenching tragedy, you need to keep convincing your readers to stay invested in the story, otherwise they can and will put it down to read something else. No one is obligated to read your book to the end.

So, yeah your protagonist might have all the elements of your own personal tragedies and it sure is meaningful to you, but the way you wrote it is incredibly boring and no one will care. It might be the most brilliant heist plot ever conceived, but you focused on all the wrong elements, the pacing is whack, and your protagonist is annoying, so no one will read it.

Very few individual elements can be good enough to carry the entire manuscript and the likelihood of an author being really good at one thing and awful at the rest is slim. Readers can quit a book over the most arbitrary reasons. Do you want to die on a hill of “I’m not changing my annoying protagonist, I’m right and they will see”? They won’t. The arguments authors get into with me over how I hated their protagonist or I told them which parts were boring and dragged because I “didn’t understand the story” are pointless. If it’s boring or confusing or annoying, no one will read it.

6. First Drafts are drafts for a reason

Actually writing is less than half the time and effort spent on getting a book to publication. Probably less than a quarter. The rest of that time is spent editing and rewriting. Some first drafts will be better than others, not arguing that, but your first run through your story has a non-zero chance of needing revisions, even for something as small as typos and punctuation.

You have to edit for pacing and tonal shifts, erroneous details and entire scenes, character inconsistencies and goals. You have to make sure your conversations flow believably, that you hit every talking point that scene requires. You have to make sure your character’s motivations don’t create plot holes and that they’re always on track like a real person and not a creation of your imagination. You have to make sure your action scenes and sex scenes are legible and as thrilling for a reader as they are for you. You have to make sure your worldbuilding is consistent and logical and easy to understand.

Some people outline heavily before starting page one. Some people have a sticky note of “beginning middle end” and run off that. Some have whole folders of different documents to keep track of all their elements. Everyone’s writing process is different, but it is a process, not a one-and-done. It requires revisions, seeking feedback, implementing that feedback, and more revisions until it’s as good as it can be.

Yes, you need to edit. No, you’re not the writing god who penned perfection on your first try. Maybe a piece of your story is perfect on the first draft, but not the whole thing from start to finish. It’s okay that your story isn’t what you thought it would be when you started, and it’s no failing of you as a writer to need edits or even massive changes. It happens to everyone.

7. “Writing is easy, thus it’s not a real job”

Really the notion that creatives are lesser than corporate business people solving problems that their business created. But specifically for writing, the idea that it’s just putting words on a page, thus it’s easy and anyone can do it, so it’s not impressive or deserving of praise and you really need a real job (you probably will because writing doesn’t make much money for most people, but that’s just how it shakes out).

I know ENNS won’t appeal to everyone. I know there will be people who hate my characters, who don’t understand them or don’t agree with their philosophies or find my writing trite and too lean and not ~immersive~. I know there’ll be homophobes out there who won’t even read it but hear about it and make assumptions and will leave me crap reviews. I know it’s not the greatest supernatural fantasy novel ever written.

I’m not in it to make money or get a movie deal and see my merch all over the shelves and get my own theme park. I write so that even one reader might see themselves in my characters and know they’re not alone. So that even one reader has one of my characters as their favorite and that character motivates them to do the Thing or keep moving forward or be brave enough to finally do whatever they’ve been too afraid to attempt before. I want to help people, even if at the end of the day, my writing only helps myself.

Yes I need supplemental income (who doesn’t these days). It’s the way of the world. But I’m doing what I love in my free time and it is a real job because it takes work, and it might not have monetary value but its value to me is priceless.

[micc3ehyy]

Content +18, I am not trying to damage the image of the idol, it is simply entertainment for the reading fans.

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Jungwon has been your boyfriend since you were 11 years old. You are currently 20 and as you know everything changes because we grow from children to adults and we have different thoughts.

Today Jungwon is at home with me watching a movie, the two of us hugging under a thin sheet.

Obviously he was so cute that I wouldn't think he was having perverted thoughts at this moment.

You felt a big hand caressing your leg gently, you turned to look at Jungwon.

-Jungwon, is something wrong?

I didn't receive a response but I felt Jungwon's gaze at me at all times.

-Today you look very pretty

He said as he kissed me on the neck.

Something wasn't right, why did Jungwon's voice sound so excited?

Jungwon gently took me by the waist and then sat on his lap looking at him face to face.

And there I understood when I felt a big lump growing in Jungwon's Pans

-J-jungwon? That's what I think right?

-I can't help it, you're beautiful

Take a break from those words, Jungwon got closer to my face. And there I felt his lips press against mine in an exciting and passionate kiss.

The kiss was so intense, Jungwon caressed my hips up and down.

Jungwon separated his lips from mine, catching his breath along with me, after a few seconds I felt his breath on my neck, his breathing was heavy And I felt his lips kiss and suck

-ah~ wonie~

-What's up princess? Do you want me to take you now?

He let out a little giggle.

I didn't say anything but my excitement was so obvious right now.

I only saw Jungwon's small smile looking at me with his eyes full of passion.

-but I don't want you to say later that your legs hurt

-Just continue with your thing, I'll take care of that later wonie

Without further ado, Jungwon lifted my skirt and then laid me on my back while he was on top.Jungwon lowered his hand to my unclothed crotch.

-Oh, you're so wet, I'm making you drip

He removed his hand from there so he could take off his truck, revealing his worked abdomen and his big shoulders.And then remove my shirt and skirt leaving me only in my underwear

This was exasperating

Wonie caressed every part of my body

This was still frustrating

Jungwon smiled before that because he noticed it

And that's where Jungwon took off his clothes along with me, leaving us completely exposed to ourselves.

-You are beautifull and perfect

He said that and then kissed my neck and then kissed lower and lower, I could feel his breathing on my shaved intimacy. He kissed my thighs softly as he got closer and closer to my intimacy.

And suddenly I felt his tongue lick my vaginal lips and then put his tongue into my tight and warm hole with expert movements.

-ahh~Yes~ it feels too good~

Jungwon increased his movements, I felt that at any moment I would cum and Jung noticed that.

-Oh darling not so soon

He moved away from my privacy, licking his lips

-ahh?That?

He gave me a mischievous smile While he positioned himself between my legs

-Oh, I'll love this too much

And I felt how he slowly entered my tight walls and quality enveloping him and feeling his thrusts gently began to become stronger and stronger making me moan very loudly.

-ahh!~

-You are enjoying...I want to hear you scream my name and for all the neighbors to know how good I make you feel.

His thrusts increased more

-ahh! jungwon!~

-It excites me so much to see you

My face frowned at the great pleasure that jungwon made me feel,And I also loved hearing Jungwon's deep, low moans.

-Oh, baby, I can't take it anymore, I'm so close~

-Hold on a little and let's do it together, let's reach ecstasy together ~

Jungwon began his gentlest thrusts and soon he spilled his warm, thick liquid inside me.

Just like I arrived with Jungwon

-wow~It was really pleasant I loved

Jungwon pulled out of me to lie next to me.

And I felt a little kiss on my lips

And I caress my hair gently

-I love you so much princess

How could he be so cute after what we just did?

-I love you too wonie and too much

I snuggled into his chest while he continued to gently caress my horse. After a few minutes I fell fast asleep next to him.

-Rest Darling...

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[maguro13-2]

The Dark Picture ~ Origins of the Ink Demon : Operation Drawcia Pt. 23 ~

[Mamimi Daily Residence - Atlanta, Georgia]

(News Anchor talking on radio)

(Cat meowing)

Mamimi : Talk about a big retcon. So there were any news update back in my homeland of Japan, it's no biggie. Well, you could say that I'm on a tight busy schedule. So yeah, I get that feeling right now, some crappy idea about monsters, myths, and legends. I always think about myself between this and that, and the others. Do I feel really that bad? (drinks a can of root beer) I regret nothing. Can't believe it's been five years since that weird incident, but it was no incident that I found out that I discovered some witch floating in the sky. The mess on the American public and Tokyo's attacks from the ravenous Ink Demon was that kind of incident, I know. (Looks at her cat) Don't believe in anything? Heh, it's your call. Anyway, what movie do you wanna watch? I got some old school romance, action, thriller, and even horror stuff, It's my favorite. Wanna watch the comedy ones? (her cat points to the Ron Burgundy movie) Good choice.

*door knocking*

Mamimi : Who could that be?

*open door*

Mamimi : Hello, sorry to bother you, Takkun. But I'm living in a lifestyle of my own and...Oh, I didn't see you there.

Marie Mjolnir : Are you, Mamimi Samejima?

Mamimi : Yeah, that's me. You must be that eye-patch lady who usually work for some kind of institution in Nevada or what state do you come from anyway?

Marie Mjolnir : I'm Marie Mjolnir, the same woman from around 12 years ago. Yes, I'm from a state called Minnesota.

Mamimi : Minnesota, that state in the Midwest, home to a bunch of Swedish people? Yeah, I may not know about Minnesota, but that is a great place to live. Retcon script is kicking up a notch and, uhh--Oh wait, I've known about Minnesota. Clearly, I just hope it's about the gophers, Ice Hockey, and Vikings, are there really any real vikings in Minnesota? No? I guess I take that advantage. Anyways, come in, come in. (Marie enters) Feel free to welcome yourself.

Marie Mjolnir : So, this is where you work here? You opened a media company of your own, Mamimi Daily Newsletter, right?

Mamimi : Yes, I am, I'm a photographer. But I was also an enthusiast it's just my kind of thing. I heard I went to a Dave and Busters in Marietta, to get food and play a lot of games cause I'm an expert.

Marie Mjolnir : Well, gee. It's quite a thanks that you love entertaining while people gain your skills of an enthusiasm. So, you live in Atlanta?

Mamimi : Yeah, this is where I reside here, and what place do you reside in, miss?

Marie Mjolnir : I reside in a place called the Twin Cities, Azusa Yumi resides and works at the State Capital St. Paul, while I reside in the city of Minneapolis, the home of my favorite football team, the Vikings. Plus, I was once the cheerleader of a football team back in high school.

Mamimi : That's fond memories of you, I can't break it to win it, you gotta have some kind of opportunity if you're feeling down on your oppression and neither them expectations that will get you all woozy.

Marie Mjolnir : Of course, I did see the fact that I have some minor details on whether we stay put or nevertheless, I guarantee it is my duty to think about the days of early skills. Didn't you hear?

Mamimi : Hmm?

Marie Mjolnir : I used to be cheerleading coach for Cheerleader, I was so excellent, I was perfect! But when I decided to quit the cheerleading team, I felt something in my life that I needed the most. I was wondering to make a retcon about Franken Stein's death.

Mamimi : What?

[Echo Night Beyond/Nebula : Track 3]

Marie Mjolnir : It's true. I heard that he was killed in Tokyo and I had realized that he was going to kill an innocent witch.

Mamimi : ?...

Marie Mjolnir : I can't believe that how could he do such a stupid thing!? It's all my fault that I wasn't able to save him in time, I failed to realize that. I never got the chance to reunite with him, everything went dark and I went downhill.

Mamimi : That's kind sad for you isn't it? I guess your love for Franken Stein is broken and cannot be fixed, I deeply recommend you that you would be astonishing for one's death and one's love filled with that courage crap. It's not about heroes nor villains fighting against each other for the struggles of this here planet, it's about conquering this world with love and purity. You gotta cherish those feelings for someone who you really loved in your life. You wanna know something why?

Marie Mjolnir : (nods)

Mamimi : I used to have someone to love with. I have my cat, my friends and teachers too, but the only question is, I have a boyfriend.

[Distant Temperature - SEGA Sound Team]

Marie Mjolnir : You do?

Mamimi : True, it's an example about being a young girl from Japan of what's like living in the real world, hear me this once. Back about over year ago when I was in school.

" I was once the school's greatest photographer that wanted to bring out the latest scoops to the presses back in my days, my mother and father have acknowledged the greatest catch I ever did once in my life and I even had to make out with boyfriend, I was so happy that I finally even met Takkun and the others. But the during the time when Haruko arrived, My boyfriend said that mom and dad were obnoxious because they found out that Haruko Haruhara was a girl from the stars and from space who was searching for the weird-space guy named Atomsk, the pirate king himself."

"Around the same time, My boyfriend and classmate were fighting over to prove who will love him back for me and that was the only person that I ever had felt. But the problem is, it wasn't an argument and we weren't fighting over to get him, they both wanted to get rid of me to think that I was such a loser and my parents had to abandoned me in the United States where I can work alone as a photographer and a news editor to start my own company and do all my daily deeds. My friends and teachers are still back in Japan and everyone in Atlanta too."

"It's nonetheless that it's always like that, I was the person no one wanted in my life. With my mother and father gone, who's going to look after me when I'm not upset? And when they do, nobody would mourn their loss and I would've had the chance to see them again."

Mamimi : So now I've begun to change a lot, I even had Takkun and everyone else on my side, but now that Takkun moved on, I finally get a chance to see that he's married with one of the girls he kissed. Isn't that a pleasant story to feel like that he loved someone dearly in his life?

Marie Mjolnir : Well, I guess that it's true even though, I still may not what to think about anything in life and I mean that even If I feel alone when I was already in love, but not anymore, but I believe that I even begun to change when I am already moving forward, even though we make the past mistakes with our lives at best, still...I even had Azusa Yumi on my side and she is a great friend to me. So with that Epiphany, I decided that I would step away from Nevada and moved back to my hometown of Minneapolis, where Azusa Yumi was coming from the state capital St. Paul. But do you have someone loving you in your life?

Mamimi : Yes, I do. And at least don't forget, when I arrived for my departure from Japan, I landed at San Francisco to catch that scoop two years ago. That scoop when I discovered that a 13-year old minor and former sixth grader, Maka Albarn, was mistaken for a crime that she did not commit, there was someone else that did the job to frame her. I discovered that it was not the queen of the Ink Demons nor her son. It was that girl named Patricia Thompson that wanted to make her the fool. It's always a fool's rule, whoever is the fool always the fool, that's the real reason Maka Albarn has always been a fool to think she wouldn't make believes about being a hero.

Marie Mjolnir : Say what?

Mamimi : It's true, she got angry or frustrated that she was never a hero to Soul World, she's only a girl living in the real world who was outcasted by others and had no one to play with. She could've been friends with anyone until she met the masked boy who changed her life. His name was Makoto Asagiri, the son of the legendary Phantom. He is an edgy guy who proclaims that Maka was called the Shattered Meister, a warrior that is driven with the power of Shattered Resonance. It is a power system that is a deadly force and it has the ability to target not the souls of people, but the heart of others.

Marie Mjolnir : Well, yeah, I once heard about that kind of power. It kills people, when it target people's hearts and utterly destroys it from it's powers. When Maka was only a little girl, she became frustrated over the course that she had Sympathy from ever being loneliness, but that all changed, when the powers of Shattered Resonance unleashed a massive explosion, wiping out four-fifths of the country's populace. But after Makoto saved her life, Maka has begun to change, thus creating the event known as the Shattering and Maka Albarn has become the only person that we have ever known about. Darkside Death was keeping truth out of it to lend it all a secret to us long as we could, but as in terms of what we went wrong. But she's highly dangerous and could kill people, but that doesn't make her the hero of Soul World! That's Darkside Death's doing and he wanted to keep truth out of the public eye and it was going to win it all! But it reminded one thing about! It reminded me of the day of what we remembered of what he did to Ohkubo's last hero Shotaro! The one who he really created us!

[Echo Night Beyond BGM : Track 4]

Darkside Death : (laughing evilly)

Shotaro the Dokeshi: (screams)

Marie Mjolnir : I never fought that a heartless being was created by the hero of the Ohkuboverse, Shinra Kusakabe! The mangakas of the industry like him we're all not too arrogant because of economics! They all wanted the stakes to raise for their own and me, I'm just a woman from the Midwestern States of America, what I'm going to do? I'm only human and I didn't wanted to be a tool working for a stupid heartless! But how can I not know that Darkside Death was behind everything, the evil forces, the school, the real reason why he made us kill innocent witches and not just the evil forces because he was making us protecting a family tree which was kept secret for years!? I should never trusted that stupid devil, even if it means to one's life before. And that's why I made my decision.

Azusa Yumi : Hey, Marie. I finally know where Maka Albarn is located! Excuse miss, sorry for the delay. But do you know where Maka Albarn is located at?

Mamimi Samejima : Sure, she's at one of them mysterious castles that is straightly coming out of a video game's world. Here! It's that picture Haruko gave it to me. (gives photo to Marie Mjlonir)

Marie Mjolnir : This is...(looks at the photo that appears to be Hang Castle Zone) The Reaper's Castle. So that's where you at, Maka Albarn.

"You and Inky Albarn are alike, Maka."

"The difference between you and her, are so similar and identical to each other."

"What can I do with this priceless life of ours into one's journey."

"I hope that you have our wishes granted dearly."

"This is what it means to be that kind of hero."

~ Mission 22 : Motivation of Love ~

[word-scribbless]

Smile Again Part 10

It’s a long one but one of my favorites!

Masterlist | Smile Again Masterlist

Things get a little angsts! But lots of cute too

——————————

About 2 weeks after Y/N and Aaron’s first date the team caught a local case that baffled them all. The Unsub was killing women and leaving notes on their bodies. He was also sending threats to their families. The interesting thing was he was using several languages at once to create a whole new language to write them in. Some of the languages, not even Reid knew and reworking the whole thing would take a very long time.

“Reid can you make any of this out?” Emily said looking at a letter the unsub left at the scene.

“I’m good but I’m not that good, I could work on decoding it but it’ll take me a hours to even figure out the languages used.” He replied.

“We need you in the field, and we don’t have hours.” Hotch said. He knew Reid could do it, but they couldn’t be a man down.

“It’s local, there are tons of colleges around maybe we can find an expert to assist Reid and figure this out.” Morgan added.

“Reid do you know anyone?” Rossi asked, Reid began to think before JJ cut in.

“Uh Hotch I know someone... but you’re not going to like it”

“Who?” Hotch asked. He suddenly had a gut feeling he really wasn’t going to like her suggestion, but he wasn’t sure why.

“Y/N” JJ said, nervously looking at her boss.

“Y/N? Like my-our-your Y/N?” He stumbled out.

“Yeah, our Y/N.” JJ chuckled at how flustered her cousin made her boss. “She’s spent her whole life since age 13 studying languages and what makes them up.” She continued.

“13? Is she a kid genius like pretty boy over here?” Morgan asked, patting Reid on the back.

“I mean she didn’t graduate early, she’s just always been interested in languages.” JJ answered, still keeping an eye on Hotch’s reaction.

He clearly wasn’t excited about the idea of her being involved, but was trying to hid his emotions. He knew she was brilliant and had heard her speak several languages, most of the time just to entertain Jack. He also liked to watch her work when she would bring the books she was translating to movie nights if she was near a deadline. He couldn’t deny working with her would be interesting to say the least, but he really didn’t want her near the types of people they saw. Like usual, JJ saw straight through him and gave him an apologetic, but pleading look.

“You think she could work this language out?” Rossi asked interrupting the two agent’s eye contact.

“I mean she once wrote half a thesis in a made up language to prove her theory on how our brains intupret and learn languages.” Jj shared with a proud smile.

“That’s genius” Reid said.

“Plus, I happen to know she passed a field agent test not that long ago to help out a local department in PA that sex crimes was helping with.” She added quietly.

“Really?” Morgan asked.

Hotch froze and JJ began to explain how even though she didn’t go in the field again after swat, she has volunteered to assist on a few cases with local PDs and the FBI office, but to do that she still had to test and prove she was capable for anything. Hotch knew she was capable of anything at all, but he didn’t want her to have to be in any situation to use those skills.

“I don’t want her in the field.” Hotch said with a strict tone, cutting off the other agents chatter. ‘Hell I don’t want her involved at all’, he thought, but he knew he couldn’t make that decision for her.

“So is that a yes?” Emily asked.

“It’s an I will ask her” Hotch grumbled

Rossi follows behind him as he stomps up to his office to reluctantly call his girlfriend. He loved how brilliant and kind she was. However right now he was cursing that two of his favorite things about her were what made him have to call and ask her to put herself in danger.

“Why doesn’t JJ ask?” Rossi asked with a smirk,following him up the stairs.

“Cause Y/N’ll feel inclined to say yes.” Hotch grumbled.

“And she won’t with you?” The older agent wondered.

“I’m hoping she’ll be inclined to say no to me”

“Have you seen the way she looks at you, I don’t think she ever wants to say no.” Rossi smiled.

“Dave” Aaron warned

“You know I’m right... because you’re even worse.” Dave said causing Hotch to roll his eyes and walk into his office.

Hotch picked up his cell phone to call Y/N, really wishing he didn’t have to, but their case really needed it.

“Y/L/N” she answered. He smiled, she must have been in the middle of work. Answering that way when busy was a side effect of her years in law enforcement.

“You sound so official, should I call back later Ms Y/L/N?” He chuckled. Hearing her voice made his nerves vanish,until he remembered why he was calling.

“Hey you!” She said, voice perking up. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah everything is fine.” He answered but she could tell he wasn’t being entirely truthful by the tone of his voice.

“What’s wrong Aaron?” She asked, fully stopping her work to listen.

“Before I ask this promise me you’ll think about it and not automatically say yes.” He prefaced.

“Oookay” she said skeptically, urging him to continue.

She heard him take a deep breath and sigh.

He dove in to explaining the case and the reason they needed help. He again explaining that she could say no, or even suggest someone else that could help. She listened intently and thought about it even though she knew her answer.

“Of course I’ll help” she said when he finally stopped his explanation.

“Y/N you do not have to do this.” He explained again.

“You want me to say no.” It was a statement not a question and her tone made him wince. He didn’t want her to think that he didn’t think she was right for the job or that she couldn’t take care of herself. He just really didn’t want her near danger.

“I just don’t want you to feel obligated” he sighed.

“I don’t Aaron, I want to help! But just linguistics no tech stuff.” She tried to joke but he knew the seriousness of that statement.

“Deal, you won’t be anywhere near the field if I have anything to do with it.” He chuckled lightly but just like him, she knew how serious he was.

“Did JJ make that rule?” She tried to joke but became more worried when instead of his usual chuckle he just huffed.

“I think your cousin would have you leading the team of I let her.” He said and she caught his irritated tone.

“Aaron what’s wrong?” She asked, not wanting to end the call and agree if he was going to be upset.

“I didn’t want you wrapped up in this.” He practically whispered and it made her heart hurt.

“If you don’t want me to help-“ she began before he cut her off.

“That’s not it Y/N, I’m sort of excited to work with you.” He admitted, making her smile before he sighed, “I just don’t want you hurt.”

“I’ve got you and Jayje and the team to protect me, baby. Plus I’m a badass remember?” She assured him and he couldn’t deny how much he loved the way the pet name sounded from her lips.

“Promise you’ll be safe for me?” He asked

“Yes, do you promise?”

“Always am, for you and jack”

“I know,” she said softly, before continuing with a smirk “So you’re excited to work with me?”

“Mmm it’s really sexy to see you in action.” He admitted in a low husky voice she loved.

There was no shortage of making out and boarder line groaping during their last couple movie nights after jack went to bed but they hadn’t gone past that since the first time. She absolutely loved hearing him talk like this.

“Oh yeah?” She asked and heard him grunt. “The language or the ass kicking?”

“Mmm both, but hearing you speak in other languages, god I don’t know what you’re saying but i love it.”

“ mm buono a sapersi bello” she hummed and heard his breath hitch.

“Be careful with that baby, I’m at work.” He purred

“Mm well after the case I’ll have to explore your love of my work some more.”

“Please do” he cleared his throat then and she laughed

“Oh buniness Hotch is back! Should I head in to the BAU now?”

“Yeah I can send someone to get you.”

“Unless it’s you I can handle getting there.” She laughed as she heard him cough again.

“I’ll see you soon, have Garcia email me all the evidence that’s in his ‘language’ so I can start working on it on the train?”

“Will do, I’ll also remind her not to get to used to you working with her.”

“I’d be too much of a distraction for you boss man.

“Bye y/n”

“See you soon Aaron.”

“So she’s in?” JJ smiled and asked when Hotch renterd the bullpen.

“Yeah” he grumbled “We keep her safe and out of the field.”

The team all nodded and JJ cheered quietly about getting to work with her cousin. Hotch chuckled at JJ’s antics and hid his own excitement about working with Y/N.

Hotch gave instructions of where to got, y/n would meet them at the BAU where read was doing the geo-profile and after JJ and Hotch met with local pd they’d come back and brief her.

In the car JJ could feel Hotch’s anxiety. She knew it wasn’t about the case, rather the idea of Y/N helping with the case.she felt guilty for suggesting something that caused him so much stress, but she knew her cousin could handle it.

“Hotch I’m sorry if I put you in a shitty situation suggesting Y/N.” She watched him tense even lore at her words. “But my cousin is a super hero, she can do anything and I trust her with my life, and our teams lives. Trust me when I say I’d never have suggested her if I thought she couldn’t handle it.”

“I know that, and I trust her too but Jack and I can’t lose her.” He admitted, surprising himself and JJ. Truth was, he couldn’t keep much of anything from the blonde agent even if he tried.

“Are we okay?”

“Yeah Jennifer, we’re okay. I can’t very well stay mad at the person who introduced Y/N Y/L/N into my life can I?

They both chuckled and felt the tension ease just a bit.

Y/N set up a little space for her to work in the conference room and set to work. She knew she shouldn’t be having fun during a murder investigation, but she couldn’t deny she loved this kind of work.

Derek has nicknamed her and Reid the nerd squad, after he walked in on them spewing theories and slaw itching between languages in a way no ‘normal human’ would comprehend. Hotch couldn’t help but stop and watch Y/N work for a moment when he and JJ got back with the lead detective.

He was snapped out of his trance by Rossi making a vaguely inappropriate comment about the ‘true reason’ he didn’t want y/m on the case. The sputtering cough he did in response to that comment caused his girlfriend’s beautiful eyes to snap up and lock with his.

She smiled widely at him and began to explain the progress they had made to him and the detective. He couldn’t help but love her even more for the way she was so professional, yet still somehow made him feel noticed by her.

Aaron thanked her and explained to all in the room their next steps. He left Y/N to it and called Reid to follow them to go check out a lead. Y/N suddenly felt a flash of anxiety listening to Aaron talk about breaching the house if they had to. He didn’t miss the look on her face and told the team he’d meet them at the SUVs.

“Hey, I’ll be fine” he whispered moving closer to her. He knew it was risky but pulled her into his arms anyway. Kissing her head and then quickly pulling back.

“I did t think it’d scare me this much, I mean I know what you do but being here and hearing it all... what if you don’t come back? What if I have to watch-“ she started to break and he took her hand.

“Y/N I won’t let that happen! I WILL come back to you”

She nodded and squeezed his hand

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry sweetheart, JJ had to talk me off the same ledge in the suv.” This caused her to giggle and calm down a bit.

“Get going boss man, be safe.”

“Anything for you” he smiled and headed off.

Y/N moved her operation down to be with Garcia I case they needed help with the language, but mostly because she didn’t want to be alone. The lead was a dead end so the team headed back and were working on the profile again when Y/N decoded a journal entry that talked about an abandoned warehouse that he used to frequent when he was homeless.

“Let’s go, Garcia stay online, Reid-“

“Hotch Y/N should probably ride along.” Rossi just got out before Aaron boomed “NO”.

Y/N looked just as startled by the idea as Aaron.

“Hotch she needs to be with us decoding the journal in case there is a new location, or he starts talking in his language.”

“I told you, she doesn’t go in the field” y/N could feel the anger radiating off of him, she saw JJ thinking about how to calm him down.

“Hey”, she whispered to Aaron, pulling him to the side, she locked eyes with Rossi who immediately understood and began to lead the team to the cars.

“Don’t worry you d-“ he started before she cut him off.

“I’m going to come with you.” She said and braced herself for his reaction.

“NO Y/N.” He said steadily but still gentle as he always was with her.

“I will be so careful, I won’t go anywhere near the scene. You need me Aaron”

“Yeah I do need you, alive.”

She felt her heart clench at his words and stroked his cheek, “I will be safe, please trust me.”

“I do!”

“I know, so remember that, you’ll be right there, so will JJ.”

“What if I can’t protect you?”

“Sweetheart, I just want to catch this guy, so I can spend time with my favorite boys! I’ll be okay.”

“Promise?”

She nodded and pulled him along to the cats.

“Dave was right...” he huffed

She looked at him to explain and he continued.

“I can’t say no to you”

She smirked and responded “I’ll have to remember that.

When they pulled up to the scene y/n pushed down the fear and memories of the case that changed her whole life and took her husband. If she was going to do this. She locked eyes with Aaron in the rear view mirror and smiled when he sent her a sweet wink.

That was the last moment of calm before all hell broke loose. The unsub was in the warehouse holding a woman hostage. Hotch broke all his rules and kissed Y/N lightly before putting on his vest to assure her he’d be okay. He left her in the safety of the SUV as he went to the staging area.

After about 15 minutes the unsub began to lose it even more.

“Hotch he’s speaking the language we have to send Y/N in.” Reid said, earning him a nasty glare from his boss.

“Not a chance. We’ll just wire someone.” Hotch responded.

“He’ll know” JJ said with a defeated tone herself. He knew she didn’t want her cousin to go in either but they had no choice.

“Fine” he sighed “but I go with her.”

“You’re too intimidating I’ll go.” Jj countered

“Jj you keep her safe.” He sternly whispered as they ent to brief Y/N.

“Hotch I know you love her but so do I, I’d do anything to protect her.” She said quickly before they reached you

“Jj I-“

“Don’t try to deny it Hotch, I know you haven’t told her yet but I know it’s true.” Hotch flushes a bit.

“I know you’d do anything to protect her JJ, I just, I can’t lose her and I hate putting her in this position even though I know she can handle it.” He admitted and knew JJ understood.

They briefed Y/N and after a brief moment of panic Y/N assured them both she could to it. She put on a vest and they entered the building.

Everything was going well, Y/N was speaking to him in his language, she was doing everything by right. That was until the hostage began to yell and insult him. He shoved the victim towards Y/N sending them both fattening down a flight of steps.

Jj secured the unsubscribe and cleared the team to come in. She hadn’t looked over towards her cousin yet but could tell the victim was fine.

She rushed down the stairs to see her cousin laying unconscious with a gash to the head.

“No no no” Jj said taking her hand as

took team came in and Rossi began to move the unsub to the SUVs

“Y/n!” Hotch wailed. Running to Y/N’s limo figure.

“Hotch I’m sorry Jj said, but Hotch couldn’t hear anything as he rushed to Y/N’s side, grasping her hand in his.

“Y/N please”

“Hm hi handsome” she said opening her eyes and groaning as she held her head. It took her a bit to realize what was happening, but the smell of the old warehouse brought most of the recent events back. “Don’t look so worried you two, I’m alive.” She said with a weak smile

“I’m going to get the medic” JJ said before kissing her cousins head and running off.

“Aaron I kn-“ she began

“I love you” he cut her off

“What?” Yn breathes

“I’m in love with you, I know it’s crap timing and you probably have a concussion but god I don’t want to waste anymore time with out you knowing I love you.”

“I love you too Aaron.”

He held her face and kissed her soundly. Pulling away when he heard Rossi wolf whistle behind them.

“I guess they all know now, sorry I know you like to be secretive.”

“they’ve known how I’ve felt longer than I did. Plus I don’t plan on keeping you a secret y/n ever.

He was insanely happy he finally told her how he felt and got to hear that she loved him too. Now he had to face JJ knowing he let her cousin get hurt.

Outside with the medics JJ was terrified to face her boss knowing she let Y/N get hurt. She was holding back tears that she could have lost her best friend.

Y/N was just happy to be loved by Aaron and JJ, and to be alive she was happy about that too. And dizzy she was also dizzy.

Smile again tag list:

@thebadassbitchqueen @violetclifford @kyleetheeditor @thelostallycat @mac99martin @stop-drop-and-drumroll

Tag list:

@diesinspanishbcimhispanic @averyhotchner

[ihearthes]

Farmers’ Market

Author: @ihearthes Pairing: Harry x y/n Rating: Fluff Word Count: 2.8k

Summer Feeling Challenge sponsored by @helladirections

Vibrant yellows, pinks, greens, and red catch my eye as I take in the variety of fruits and veg in front of me. Wow. How is it possible to have this much beautiful fresh produce in one spot? Placing the essential ingredients for my favorite salad in a basket, I approach the counter. Having ridden a bicycle to the market, I’m fairly confident it will all fit in my knapsack for the return to my flat. 

Hearing his voice causes my entire body to freeze. Well, not completely because my heart is like a wild animal trying to break free from captivity. Regular beats, steady, but louder than my friend Steph had been at his concert in Philly. 

“Hi, I’m looking for some kale, and you don’t seem to have any,” His voice is as deep as the grooves in one of the gravel roads back home in Springfield, and the shiver that travels up my spine is a violent and silent storm. 

Shit. Had I taken the last of the kale? Maybe I can surreptitiously put it back so he doesn’t notice? Wait just a doggone minute! Why the fuck should I give up my kale? Just because he’s my favorite musician in the whole world and he’s somehow standing at the very same green-grocer’s as I am? That makes zero sense. 

A statue, I debate my options. 

Buy my produce and leave before he notices me. But then he might realize that I’ve taken the last of the kale. 

Put the kale back and choose spinach instead? My strawberry salad will taste lovely with spinach. But it truly is best with kale. 

Wait until he leaves and hope he doesn’t spy the kale in my basket? Suddenly, I’ve got the urge to pee. What if he’s here for a long time? 

Put on my sexy voice and offer to share my kale salad with him? This option causes me to smirk while my tummy resembles a popcorn popper with kernels scattering in every direction. Stepping to the counter, I quickly throw my items at the woman while he’s engaged in conversation with a different clerk. 

“That’ll be £14.35,” the woman says, and I withdraw a £20 note, quickly passing it to her, holding my breath that I can escape before he approaches. Not daring to look backwards, I squeeze my change in my fist as I rush to fit in with the crowd strolling the Parliament Hill Farmers’ Market. It’s not until I’m at the end of the stalls and near my chained bicycle that I slow down, breathe, and risk a glance behind me. 

“What did you think? He was going to chase you down and tackle you for the kale?” Steph screams at me through the phone. Naturally she had been my first call as soon as I arrived back at the flat my company had rented for the duration of this London business trip. 

“I didn’t know, Steph! It’s like sixty degrees out there, and I’m sweating like I’ve just run a marathon in ninety-degree heat.” Removing the items from my knapsack, I wash them, laying them out to dry on a towel. Using my fingers, I pull my shirt away from my chest and shake it to allow air to flow better. 

“You’re the only person I know who can meet Harry fucking Styles on her first trip to the farmers’ market! And you’re deffo the only one who would turn and run away! How did he look? What was he wearing?” Her words are BB pellets like my brothers used to shoot at cans back home. 

My words are quiet and stutter as they emerge like a new butterfly from a cocoon. “I didn’t look.”

“WAIT JUST ONE GODDAMNED MINUTE! What do you mean? How could you not look?” Her volume has increased to the level that I might need to remove my Airpods so as to not damage my ears. Then her voice lowers. “What if it wasn’t him?”

Shit. I hadn’t considered that. “No. It was definitely him. Come on. How many times have I listened to his voice?”

“Maybe it was just the British accent.”

“Steph, I’m in London. Everyone has a British accent. I’m telling you. It was him.”

My best friend sighs. “Okay. I believe you. The fact that he was right there, though, and you didn’t say or do anything…” 

“I got the hell out of there. What do you mean I didn’t do anything?”

“Maybe you’ll see him next week. Will you talk to him?”

A soft smile crosses my lips. “Nope. Come on, Steph. You and I have always had a pact that we wouldn’t bother him if we saw him in the wild, and I’m sticking with that.”

----------

“My boss and his wife are coming by tonight, so I want to put together a fruit and cheese plate.” I tell the vendor at Bath Soft Cheese. “Can you give me some suggestions?”

“Oh. I can!” A voice next to me says, and I’m a rigid piece of lumber. What are the fucking odds? Shit. 

“Thanks, Harry,” the gentleman at the table says. “I’m going to help this couple.” With that, I’m left alone. 

Carefully, I swivel my neck to make sure I’ve not lost my mind -- or the plot as my colleagues might say. But no. It’s him. Definitely him. 

I drink him in. Wearing a hoodie with his own name over the heart and a pair of shorts that are more for walking than jogging, Harry (fucking Styles!) points towards one of the cheeses sitting on the bed of ice. 

“This one is a vegetarian cheese, and it’s my sister’s favorite. Best paired with thin apple slices because they make the cheese with apple cider. So delicious.” He glances at me, and I feel faint from the deep green of his eyes. Fuck. Up close and in person, they’re brilliant. They shine (Shine! Step into the light! Shine! So bright sometimes!), and I have to blink so that I can nod. 

“Awesome. Thanks,” I move to take the cheese. 

“Oh, but this one,” he points to the next one over, “is their Bath Soft, and it’s best served with grapes.” Harry Styles, explaining cheeses like he’s an expert cheesemonger, makes me smile. “Personally, I wouldn’t serve a blue cheese to guests unless you know they like it. So many people take offense to blue cheese.”

“Right? I love blue cheese. Especially in a salad. It’s got that bite to it,” I blurt out, and then clamp my mouth shut as I realize I’ve started to relax in his presence. Which is downright stupid as I might inadvertantly disclose something incriminating. Like how many of his concerts I’ve witnessed live.

“Yes! I’ve got this great kale salad recipe with blue cheese and walnuts!” His excitement is the same as that of a puppy spotting a treat; tail practically wagging the whole backside. 

From deep in my belly I feel the giggle build up, and I fasten both hands solidly over my mouth in a pathetic (and useless) attempt to contain it. 

His joy is contagious, though, and I can’t help myself. “Does it have a balsamic vinegarette? Because I have one that’s so good I can eat it every night for a week. Oh. Never mind. That’s the recipe I have with candied pecans. Not walnuts.”

Holy shit. I’m actually standing in a farmers’ market in London discussing recipes with Harry Styles. Perhaps I’m going to pass out? Or maybe I’m hallucinating? Or dreaming? 

“Candied pecans? Sounds yummy. There’s my friend. Gotta go! You can’t go wrong with those two cheeses I mentioned! And maybe treat yourself to some blue cheese too. Just for you.” He winks with his right eye and flashes the dimple my way before he disappears.

----------

My third week in London, and I climb onto my bicycle a full two hours before the usual time I had traveled to the farmers’ market the last two weeks. My license plate should read “Determined to Dodge” because it’s freaking me out a bit that I’ve seen Harry twice in the same place. And they say lightning doesn’t strike twice. Ha! I’m making sure it doesn’t strike thrice. 

“I’ll take the plain goat’s cheese,” I instruct the vendor, and after money is exchanged, she hands it to me and I move to place it directly into my backpack. After nearly a month, I’ve got the hang of this farmers’ market shopping, it seems, and I’m pleased to have arrived with a set shopping list for the first time. 

“Yum.” Harry’s voice comes over my shoulder, and I’m startled enough to nearly drop the damn cheese. HOW IS HE HERE? “What’s your plan for that?”

“Um,” I bite my lip. “Goat cheese, honey, and fruit crostini.” Feeling emboldened, my lips continue speaking as though this superstar and I are friends, “I’ve been debating the two beekeepers, but I don’t know which has the better honey.”

Today he’s wearing a pair of blue jeans that fit wide on his hips along with a peach button-down shirt and a newsboy cap. “Oh, then I think we should definitely go have a taste at each. My lady?” He holds out his crooked arm, ready for me to take it like we’re in a 1940’s movie. 

What’s even crazier is that I follow his lead and add, “Lead the way, sir.” It’s ridiculously silly. And so much fun. His playful side makes me feel charmed, less like a fan and more like an acquaintance. At the first beekeeper, we each taste the regular blossom honey. 

“Oh, that’s fantastic,” I whisper as I slide the wooden stick across my tongue. 

“Hey, you can’t give in yet. We’ve not tried the other one. We’ll be back,” he says over his shoulder to the vendor as he escorts me away. “Maybe,” he adds once we’re out of hearing, drawing a giggle from me. 

Holy shit. I’m relaxed around Harry Styles. What is happening to me? Boundaries! I need boundaries. 

“Oh, my!” I breathe as we arrive at the Local Honey Man’s booth. “There’s too many options.”

Knowingly, Harry nods. “Indeed there are. So maybe we need to back up. You’re doing plain goat cheese on what kind of crostini?”

“You mean what bread am I using? Oh, I was thinking either a thinly sliced sourdough or a baguette.”

“Mmmm...excellent choice. I can recommend some bread next. What fruit are you planning to use?”

His question makes me laugh involuntarily. The great performer and entertainer Harry Styles is asking me what fruit I want on my crostini? Why?

“Well, I’m thinking it’s that time of year for peaches or nectarines. Either of which would be amazing.” Placing a finger to my chin, I survey him. Fuck. He looks so wonderful. Fresh. Friendly. Not at all like a celebrity. Just a normal Joe -- or Harry -- that one might meet at a farmers’ market on a Saturday morning. As I observe him, I feel myself starting to shed some of the barriers between us. He’s just like me, I think. A food connoisseur. Someone who enjoys the local atmosphere. 

“Oh yes,” he pauses, smacking his lips. “I can taste that now. Okay, so with that combination, I would recommend either the lemon zest infused honey or the British Borage Honey. Personally, I think the cinnamon honey might overpower the flavor of the goat cheese.”

“You know what? I think you’re right. My goal is for all of the local flavors to come through, so perhaps going with a non-flavored honey is the best decision. Thanks, Harry.” And then I freeze again because I know I’ve let my tongue get away with a horrible slip by saying his name. Wanting to cry, I bite my lip and turn to the vendor. With tears in my throat, I ask, “I’ll take a jar of the British Borage please.” 

The merchant wraps it quickly, handing it over in exchange for my money, and I nervously twist towards Harry, expecting his glare over my rudeness. It’s almost like he’s oblivious. As I place the jar of honey in my bag, he grabs my hand. 

“Let’s check out breads!” 

Running behind him, I’m puzzled by what had just occurred. Shouldn’t he be upset? Freaking out? Wondering if I’m a stalker?

“Here’s my recommendation,” he says as we stop at a stall with a sign reading ‘The Flour Station’. They’ve got a wonderfully tangy sourdough baguette. If you slice it thin, then layer on the goat cheese, honey, and finally the peaches, it will be a perfect meal.”

When I request the baguette, the owner nods and wraps it for me. As he hands it over, I turn to Harry and extend my hand. “Thank you for your help, kind sir. I’m confident this will be the most amazing meal.”

Staring at my hand suspiciously, he ignores it. “Nearly lunchtime,” he announces. “Any chance you’ll join me for some Indian food?” With his head, Harry gestures towards the Mumbai Mix stand. 

As I consider the implications, my head starts to move from side to side. Never meet your idols. That’s what the voice in my head whispers. 

“Please?” His eyes take on a look that is as close to begging as I’ve ever seen in any human. “Look. I’ll be honest. These days I don’t meet many fans who would go out of their way to avoid me like you do. Most want to move into my house immediately. It would be nice to extend our time a bit. After all, it’s just a meal in the middle of a crowded London farmers’ market. How scary can it be?”

Blinking, I carefully think about my response, but instead the words that escape are “You knew I was a fan? For how long? And how did you know I was avoiding you?”

“Fair questions. Place your order, and we can talk about the answers over lunch.”

Now my curiosity has been peaked. At the vendor, Harry requests the Dosa Wrap while I order the samosas, and we step to the side while they’re being prepared. 

“That first time.”

“Last week you mean?”

“No, the first time. You remember. At the green-grocer’s.”

My face likely flames red. “You saw me? You noticed me? I didn’t even so much as look at you.”

His hearty laugh makes me tingle. “Noticed you? Of course. You’re gorgeous and golden and stunning. And your American accent grabbed my attention. Why did you run?”

The giggle starts at my toes and bursts forth like a bird flying from a cage. “Um...because I’d taken the last of the kale.”

Resting his hands on his knees, Harry chuckles loudly, drawing the attention of other patrons. As the restauranteur hands over our plates, Harry carries both to a nearby table. 

“And last time? You jumped a mile when I suggested helping you with the cheeses.”

Burying my face in my hands, I groan. “Harrrrrrrryyyyy. Before I came to London for work, I made a promise to my best friend that if I saw you in the wild, I’d leave you alone. So it was quite awkward that you were the one who approached me. And holy hell! How did you know I would be here today at this time? I came early so I could shop before you arrived!”

He picks up his wrap and takes a bite, chewing carefully. Taking guidance from him, I gingerly grasp a samosa and tear into the dough, immediately savoring the potatoes and spices inside. 

“Mmmmm,” I murmur, and my tongue flicks out to rescue a bit of flavor still on my lips. 

“‘In the wild’?” he inquires, and I’m confident the blush now covers my entire body. 

“You know. Like if I saw you at a show or a public event, it would be different. Then I could fangirl and ask for an autograph or a photo or whatever. But at the market, you’re not working. You’re just like everyone else -- shopping.” 

Knowingly, he nods. “I appreciate that. Truly. Not everyone respects my private time. So thank you. But the truth is…” There’s a pause, and I nervously nibble at the samosa in my hand, worried about what he will say next. “...once I noticed you, I couldn’t ignore you.” Clearing his throat, he smiles in a friendly manner. “How did your boss enjoy the cheese and fruit plate?”

“Wonderfully,” I respond, “But not as much as I enjoyed my kale salad with blue cheese, blueberries, strawberries, and candied pecans.” A smile tilts my lips upwards, possibly exposing my own dimple. 

“I’m sure,” he murmurs, “I’d love to taste it sometime. Care to make it for me?”

“Hmmm,” I playfully consider his request. “Are you confident you’d prefer that to goat cheese, honey, and fruit crostini on sourdough baguette? It’s all local.”

A/N:  Thanks for reading. Please consider a reblog if you enjoyed this. 

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here are my personal top five pat gill videos | a 2.1k word long post where i rank and review pat gill’s videos for just way too long.

Right around the tail end of April, 2020, I fell into the rabbit hole of my current obsession; Polygon Dot Com Video Content. As a consequence of this was being introduced to the phenomenon of Pat Gill. A dire consequence of that consequence was me slowly, deeply, irrevocably, finding myself attracted to this marionette of a man. So, I enjoy his content and I think he’s hot and that combined with the fact that some of my friends bully me over that latter fact has inspired me to do this: rank my personal favorite Pat Gill videos in a post that’s entirely too long.

Before I get straight into the rankings, I need to explain my process. 

First, I needed to narrow my scope. Polygon has a lot of videos. Polygon has a lot of videos with Pat Gill in them. If I didn’t narrow my scope, I would either go bonkers yonkers or have a list that would be kilometric in length and thus miss the entire point of ranking altogether. So, for my sanity, I am excluding any videos that are a part of a Polygon video series. This means no Overboard, no Gill and Gilbert, no Video Game Theatre, etc. If I included these, I would cry. I do not want to cry over Polygon Dot Com Video Producer Pat Gill.

Second, I need a criteria. If I just ranked videos with no system, I would find myself endlessly rearranging my list based on whatever thought comes out on top in my mind at the given moment. I am a disorganized person, so I need rules. I have decided that I will rank Pat Gill videos using the EEEH criteria. 

Entertainment. Do I smile, watching the video? Do I chortle? Am I filled with the embarrassing urge to show this video to my sister and derive glee from her laughing at the exact same moment I laughed? Entertainment is key.

Education. Did I come out of this video knowing something I originally did not know? More importantly, was I engaged in the learning process? I come from a family of teachers, so I have high standards when it comes to education. If I am to learn, I must learn well.

Exaltation. This is a bit of an oddball criteria, but it is important to me. The word “exalted” is defined as “elevated in rank, character, or status.” This criteria refers to how good it is at exalting, elevating, pulling me out of a depressive episode. That is to say I’ve been in a depressive episode for the past month and whether or not the video made me stop crying and brush my teeth is essential. Polygon video content has been integral to my serotonin production lately, and thus the video’s ability of acting as an audiovisual antidepressant for me factors into the rankings.

[BONUS POINTS] Hotness. How Hot Is Pat Gill In It? I felt bad, morally, ranking videos based on how good looking I thought Pat Gill was in it---because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that, and people don’t exist to be beautiful, they just are, and I agree---so I’m relegating this criteria as a bonus point. Standard is 0, because he’s always hot in my mind, but he gets plus points if he is exemplary in the hotness department.

The maximum score for each of these criteria is 5 points, making the perfect score a 15, but because of the bonus points, a 20 is, hypothetically, possible. 

With that out of the way, let me dive right into it. 

5. The fastest interview ever with Ben Schwartz from Sonic the Hedgehog

Entertainment: 5 Education: 2 Exaltation: 2 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 11

Pat Gill is a good interviewer, he’s engaging and fun and keeps the interview interesting, but this interview is particularly special because it seems that, and let me quote Youtube user AudreyN who left a comment on this video stating “ben schwartz consumed all seven chaos emeralds prior to this interview.” Pat Gill and Ben Schwartz’s dynamic is amazing, and by “dynamic” I do mean “Ben Schwartz absolutely just fucking dunking on Pat Gill for 14 entire minutes.” and it is glorious.

For Entertainment this scores a solid 5. Quite honestly the funniest interview I’ve ever watched in my entire life. Just the sheer beauty in the exchange [Pat] “You would use Sonic’s power to gaslight me?” [Ben] “Just you.” In terms of Education, I guess I did learn a bunch of things about the Sonic movie that I didn’t know before, but the avenue by which it was portrayed in was not exactly the most engaging, more like I was absorbing it via watching two experts discuss on a webinar. I would have given just 1 point to Education but I made it 2 because of the wonderful knowledge that Pat Gill can draw a pretty good Sonic in a few seconds. When it comes to Exaltation, I must admit that while this video got quite a few laughs out of me, it didn’t make me want to get out of bed and take a shower. 

BONUS: Pat is +2 hot in it. His short hair makes him look very handsome. He’s a spiffy boy, in this video. Very, very good.  

4. Pat Will Not Tweet at Nintendo This Week Because He is Resting at Home — PLEASE RETWEET, Episode 12 

Entertainment: 5 Education: 0 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +1 Total Score: 11

I know I’m breaking a rule I set for myself a few paragraphs earlier by including an episode of Please Retweet, which counts as a video series, but this is my post and I can do whatever I want. More importantly, this video is so fucking funny to me, it feels like it would be a crime not to put it in this list. 

Solid 5 out of 5 for entertainment. Pat Gill, alone in his apartment, drinking six cans of what I think is beer silently while the intro music plays. That scene in itself should win an Oscar. Sadly, a solid 0 for Education, because I learn nothing in this video except for the fact that Pat Gill is the type of person to put out a coaster and then just completely not use it. I quantify things as educational if I can maybe answer a trivia question with them, and unfortunately, this fact does not pass that test. In terms of Exaltation, seeing Pat Gill lie down on the floor next to his cat made me get out of bed to do the same with my dog, and with myself thusly out of my bed cocoon of sadness, I was able to actually complete tasks on the day I watched this video. Perfect 5.

BONUS: Pat is +1 hot in this because there’s something very beautiful about him being a little bit miserable. However, I do miss his beard when I watch this video. It is one of my favorite things about him, and it is not present here.

3. Pat and Simone Play Human: Fall Flat

Entertainment: 5 Education: 1 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: 0 Total Score: 11

I very much enjoy Polygon’s gameplay streams. I often play them in the background while I’m doing other stuff like doodling or origami, but this stream is special. It is special because of the moment at 24:00 when Pat Gill, in game, swings a stereo into a glass window, shattering it, while saying, “Actually, y’know what? Let’s talk about trauma.” and then proceeds to tell a horrible and embarrassing story from his childhood where he had to do a rap about Ancient Egypt. 

5 points for Entertainment. This is partly because of Pat’s tragic childhood story about the Egypt Rap (and, segue just to point out 33:22 the incredible moment where you can hear Pat’s feral panic when Simone finds the lyrics to the Egypt Rap) but also because Pat and Simone just talking to each other is so deeply entertaining to me in a very comfy way. I’m starved for human interaction, in this quarantime, okay. Let me enjoy listening to other people have conversations while playing video games. Education scores a 1 because, again, nothing in this video will let me answer a trivia question, however it does get 1 point and not a 0 because the Egypt Rap’s lyrics are in the comments and I did end up learning stuff about Ancient Egypt that I didn’t know. A perfect 5 for Exaltation because this video showed me that talking about trauma can actually be cathartic, given that you’re trashing a video game living room at the same time, and I think that message of not bottling up your experiences really helped me, in these trying times.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for the entirety of this episode, so he scores the standard 0. I’m sure he was hot. We just couldn’t see him.  

2. Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the same thing

Entertainment: 4 Education: 4 Exaltation: 3 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 12

Ah yes, one of Pat’s “x is y because of z” videos. He’s made a number of these and they’re all very good but this one is my favorite among them and earns a spot on this list because 1) I think puppets are cool and 2) I fucking love monsters. 

This video scores a 4 on Entertainment, just shy of perfect, because as funny as it is, it also gives me the vibe like I am being lectured by a professor who’s just a little bit off the shits. And we all know that lectures are supposed to be taken seriously. Which brings us to Education, which also scores a 4. I learned a lot in this video! Watching Pat Gill explain to me that children’s puppets and these horrifying viddy game monsters use the same character principles in different ways is not only very educational but is also explained in a streamline and easy to understand manner that I WISH some of the shitty professors at my old university could emulate. As for Exaltation, while this video did give me enough energy to have a meal, I did eventually end up back in bed for the night at 8pm crying myself to sleep, thinking “I’m like the slime scholar. Used to be a scholar. Now they’re slime.” 

BONUS: Pat Gill is +2 hot here. He’s rockin that basic ass monochromatic aesthetic and I love his look dearly. 

1. Preparing for Big Boy Season in Red Dead Redemption 2 

Entertainment: 5 Education: 3 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +3 Total Score: 16

Here we are. My favorite non video series Pat Gill video. The video where Pat Gill tries to make Red Dead Redemption 2 protagonist, Arthur Morgan, large. 

Perfect fucking 5 for Entertainment, which I’m sure many may find odd. Afterall, this video is told in a serious investigative tone reminiscent of Vox’s videos on current issues. But that’s the glory of it. The complete and utter ‘playing it straight and serious’ for a ridiculous issue in a video game. It is high tier comedy in a subtle, understated way that sings to my comedy loving heart in a melody so lovely, so wonderful, that it urged me to give this video 5 points for Entertainment. It scores 3 on Education, because I have never played Red Dead Redemption 2, nor will I ever, but now I know things about it. The information was also relayed to me in a very interesting style, via something like a crime procedural, and thus it was engaging for me to absorb all this new knowledge. Exaltation scores a perfect 5 because of this video’s beautiful end about existential smallness. No joke, but hearing Pat Gill say “Our bigness isn’t measured in pounds, but in the impact we have on the people with whom we shared the world.” deadass made me want to talk to my friends again after conversationally isolating myself for 3 days. Preparing for Big Boy Season has a special place in my heart. And there it will stay.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for most of the video but he does appear for like 15 seconds in the middle of it, and guess what. He’s hot. +3 hotness. Good beardage, good hair, all in all, good Pat Gill. 

So there you have it. My five favorite Pat Gill videos. If you read this whole thing, holy shit. You’re welcome, I guess.

[demwhore]

Rocketeer (N.YT)

Pairing: Jaeger Pilot! Yuta & Female Reader

featuring some nct and wayv members

Jaeger! au | Pacific Rim! au

Description:  It takes high courage to ride a Jaeger and to kill a Kaiju.

Or: Yuta deadpanned, “I’m a fucking Jaeger pilot. That is something I should boast about.”

words ➙ 15k

genre ➙ sci-fi, angst, romance, action, fantasy, smut

warnings ➙ major character death, graphic description of monsters, physical violence, language, scenes of making out, smut 

A/N ➙ I am deeply inspired by the movie, Pacific Rim. However, i made some changes in the plot. This was rushed, im sorry. This wasn’t proofread, I apologize for some grammatical errors. This took me a while to write but it was worth it. Happy Reading! Kindly reblog and like! <3

P.S ➙  I edited the fic poster using photoshop cs4 and polarr. All credits (pictures used) belong to the perspective owners (sm entertainment & the creators of Pacific Rim) that edit took me ages (please credit me if you wanted to repost the edit, don’t let my efforts go to waste D:) I also created the moodboard (in the teaser), all pictures used are from pinterest. I had to cry blood while editing oml lol, however it was enjoyable and im drooling for yuta pls claim me

Playlist ➙ rocketeer by far east movement, surrender by cash cash, i’m feeling good by michael bublé, pacific rim by ramin djawadi & tom morello

Tags ➙ @shinseobs​ [hi tiff, ily so much!], @insomni-writing​ [hi somni, thank you for proofreading the draft, ur the best!], @jaehyunspaghetti​ [hi bby, i hope u are doing well!], @neocultvretechs​ [hi my lovely kai, i hope u enjoy my little yuta fic offering to u], @milkinqjungs​ [love u], @jaextapose​ [ruth ur the best ;)], and all the yuta stans out there!

Kaiju ( 怪獣, かいじゅう, kaijū) Strange, Giant Beast.

Jaeger (yāɡər, German) Hunter.

“Is this a gift for winning against the Kaijus?”

Yuta murmured, “Ask me to fuck you, and I’ll glady do it.”

You whispered back, “Then do it.”

He responded well; responded to a need he could no longer control. He was driven by lust, passion and determination. Yuta crashed his lips onto yours. Your lips parted on a quiet moan; your hands busy hovering over your boyfriend's body. Instantly, you cling onto him, having his body as your support. Both of your mouths; busy, wild, willing, driven with so much anticipation. Breaths ragged. Darkened eyes. Yuta pressed his body onto you more, you felt giddy; his erection throbbing against your core. Your body vibrated against his; similar with a string plucked with so much force; like a plucked harp. His heart pounded  hard against his chest, his hands exploring your body; every curve of you that drives him insane in his room at the Underbase.  Your hollows that tormented him. You alone, made him drive to insanity, and he’s living for it. Every cell in your body screamed for only Nakamoto Yuta, your core ached for him, and him alone. Every need Yuta felt was only for you. Only you.

“I missed you.” You whispered the moment he left your mouth to dive into your exposed shoulders. Kissing your clavicles, leaving purple marks every suck he took. Yuta didn’t stop as he marked every exposed column of your throat. You tugged at his dirty blonde locks. Your breast rose and fell against his needy touches. “I missed you so much.”

Being a Jaeger pilot means sacrifice. Being deployed to far bases, away from each other. Fighting off Kaijus as if it’s the end of the fucking world. And the constant feel of fear never leaving both of your systems. Questions running through both of your minds, will you still see Yuta after a mission? Will he still see you? Will both of you survive? The world you both live in is so complicated to the extent; complex. Both of you always believed that the world is as alive as the inhabitants were. There is life everytime you look up at the skies. The celestial body is as alive as humans are. It was really fascinating. That is what both you and Yuta thought when you were both highschoolers; turns out the world has made a whole one-hundred and eighty turn; both of you were looking in the wrong direction. There was no life above but beneath. When alien life dominated the Earth it originated deep down the waters of the Pacific Ocean. Their entryway came from the fissure of the two tectonic plates; Pacific and Southern Plate. A made portal from hell to Earth. The Breach. 

Yuta breathed and looked at your eyes. Those tantalizing eyes that never failed to make Yuta in awe. He had seen how those eyes morphed into different emotions. Lust, fear, love, sadness and Yuta loved it, so much. Yuta could still remember the first landing of the Kaiju at his hometown, Osaka. He held your hands, and ran as far as he could bringing you out of the chaos you were in. 

He was vulnerable that time, young, not older than fifteen. He heard how loud the roars resonated from the giant beast. He saw how every infrastructure, made meticulously by humans, crumpled under one swing of the Kaiju. Yuta heard every alarm wail around his neighborhood, every shattered glass, every startled cry, including yours. That is the time Yuta swore, to fight off to the last of his breath, to protect you because he loved you so much. You don’t deserve any of this fucking mess. 

Your skin was flushed, your eyes slumberous, as you slid down your hands to cup his face.  “When I was there, fighting, all I could think was you. And all I know is, I love you so much.” Your words touched him, he had his hands framing your cheeks. He smiled, “I will kill every Kaiju so they won’t block my way into you. I’ll fight for you, my love, for us.” You raised a trembling finger, “I want to be alone with you. I will be deployed again tomorrow in Hong Kong. Make me yours tonight, Yuta.”

“That’s far, I’ll be staying here. But your plan is what I can’t argue with.” Your head was spinning, vision blurred into daze. Yuta looked at you as if you were a shimmering glass of cool water and he cannot control himself but to indulge you, as he was a man with a desperate thirst. You approached his face again but you dodged his lip, he grew impatient at your actions. You nibbled his right lobe and his familiar musky scent filled your senses. That scent that you always miss to smell every time you are on a mission. It made your heart thud. Nakamoto Yuta could drive you mad. “We are in the corridor of our base. I don’t want the marshal seeing us fuck here. Which room is closest?”

Yuta breathed out, “Mine.”

“Do you perhaps know an elevator that is barely used? I can’t let people see me in this kind of state.”

Yuta kissed you again, nibbling your lips. You elicited a quiet moan. “Trust me, people are almost asleep at this hour.” He linked his fingers onto yours and dragged you towards the elevator. The lift gave a sudden jolt. You turned around to capture Yuta’s swollen lips. Murmuring, “I want to feel you.” You scrambled and yanked away his tie, undo-ing his shirt, the buttons shoved aside the stanched material. A hum of pleasure surged on Yuta’s throat while you explored his chest; savoring the power of sinew and muscle underneath. You used a fingertip to trace his nipple, then your mouth replaced your fingertips in an instant. Yuta gasped and whispered incoherent cusses. His body lurched, beneath your plump lips you could feel his heart jolt at your sudden actions. Yuta groaned, he looked at you with half-hooded eyes, “You’ll be the death of me, (Y/N).”

You didn’t answer him, instead you tugged into his nipple using your teeth. “Fuck, (Y/N).”

The elevator halted. Yuta immediately scooped you around his torso. He squeezed your ass, making you yelp in surprise. His mouth took yours, initiated a dazzling, dizzying kiss. Your blood heated against his touch, it was hot like a burning flash against your skin, roaring through your core. One moment you felt a wall behind you, and Yuta trapped you and captured your lips once again. He sighed, then growled, “I want you naked.”

“Open your room, mister.” He assisted you down and approached his doors. He held the keys with a shaky hand. With a lot of effort he shoved the door wide and yanked your arm. The door shut with a loud thud. Yuta pushed your figure towards the door. He shoved your shirt out from your shoulders, down your arms. For thrilling moments, Yuta’s dark look made your core throb  with so much anticipation. The need raged, clawed inside her systems like a resident virus as his teeth seared off your exposed chest. Yuta wrapped your ponytail into his hands, then arched it towards the left to devour onto your exposed, now marked throat. You were a moaning mess, eyes shut at the delicious feeling Yuta is making you feel. He then neglected your throat, then claimed your lips once again. The vague sense of warmth enclosing both of your bodies. Your top is completely removed leaving you in your tank top and bra. Yuta was still completely dressed. Both of you staggered as you tried to push him away to undress him. He shoved you again to the nearest wall, his pounding erection making you cry out, you want him, badly. You thrusted against his bulge. Yuta’s breath hitched, following a harsh rasp through his lips. He caught your face, eyes dark as midnight, he stared down at you, “You want this?”

“Yes. Fuck me all you want, Yuta.”

On a vicious oath, he yanked your tank top. With an expert flick of his fingers, he unhooked you bra and yanked it off. Yuta’s hand is now at your waist, tight, he lifted you off your feet to take your breast into his mouth. The air around you thickened. Your breath snagged, in both of your lungs, as you arched back giving him more access, your fingers gliding down his shoulder blades. Yuta’s mouth fed sucked, his teeth scraping erotically on your tensed, aching, budded nipple, You whimpered against the wall, the mixture of pain and pleasure taking a toll on you, you were desperately calling out for his name, your pussy pounding, panties soaked. 

“Oh, god, Yuta. I can’t.”

“You can.” He lowered downwards. Your stomach, then your navel. He let go of your waist then he kneeled. Unbuckling your jeans and sliding it down in a tormenting manner. He then, twirled the lace of your panties, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “That’s it, be wet for me.” He pulled down the fabric down to your ankles, your eyes shutting at his touches. He parted your legs, then slid a slim finger onto your folds. You gasped. “Oh fuck.”

“Can you lie down?”

“On the floor?”

“I’m impatient.”

Yuta is shining, with sweat with the lamp light above both of you. You immediately lay down, the floor was cold. The sudden cold contact making you hiss, but you couldn’t care less. Yuta teasingly rubbed your labia, in a tortuous slow pace. Yuta gave a triumphant smile. He felt a sense of pride making you mewl onto the floor because of his touches. You shutted your eyes, moaning at the contact. His slim fingers going in slow directions; up and down. It was smooth with your juices oozing out. You couldn't bear with his teaching, you grabbed his wrist to push it into your core further. “Woah, woah, excited?”

“I hate you.”

He rubbed your clitoris; in a slow, sensual, circular manner and it made you gasp for air. You were now a moaning mess. Your eyes screw shut, your mind went haywire; black; full of desire and all you could think was Yuta’s fingers; torturing you erotically. It felt heavenly. After your clit, he dragged his fingers downwards, his other hand spreading your legs more apart. He slides in two fingers with ease, dragging your walls. Your hands clenched. Yuta dragged your arousal into his fingers. Then left you there, hanging, waiting for more. You peeked up, brows furrowed, but the sight in front of you was a masterpiece. Yuta looked like someone who was crafted by Michael Angelo; he knelt there, he looked ethereal; golden, in the yellow hue of his lamp, his slim fingers glistening with your juices, eyes locked into yours; dark as the midnight, full of lust. He licked his fingers and slid it all into his mouth. The flash of passion, the fury of need that darkened his eyes, filled with a sense of decadent power, as you laid there, all ready for him. Time and place was a virtue, but all you wanted was to spend your nights with him, only him.

“You really want to fuck me here? You’ve got a damn bed, Yuta.”

“Later.” The sight before him was something so lovely and intricate. The need you felt for him was primitive, overwhelming. You scrambled out from your position and one moment Yuta felt your greedy hands unbuckling his belt and unhooking his pants. He watched you in amusement, he didn’t complain, more; let you do your own will. You never moved so fast in your life, you undressed him so fast, it even surprised you. Yuta dragged you down onto the floor again, the coolness of the tiles against her back made her register to her dazed mind. Yuta leaned over. His mouth feasting over your flesh, greedy hands roaming and racing around your quivering body in a ruthless manner. Heat pumped into both of your systems. You felt yourself going warm, soft, melting into his touch. Becoming one. Your mouths connected once again. Hot and greedy. Salivas connecting. You nipped onto his lips, chest. Fingers grazing and digging into the hard ridge of his shoulders. Both of you couldn’t get enough of each other; savouring pore by pore. He palmed you, again. You gasped at the sudden touch, it sent shivers to your spine. His fingers went down to your core, moving against your heat, relentlessly building you up, the drive, the need for release clawing viciously. 

“Look at me, (Y/N).” His hair is mopped overhead. Damped, but still beautiful as it is. “I love you.” The shadows around you seemed to shift while your fingers stroked. His fingers are still busy devouring your core.  Sensation slid after sensation, building inside you, in trembling, shuddering layers, then exploded. Your vision blurred; a half sob tore from your lips. Strength gone, you lay there motionless, air around is thick with ragged breaths and sex. Your heartbeat stumbled. Yuta caressed his shaft, then the head; red, oozing with pre-cum. 

“You’ll hate me more.” Yuta grinned as he slammed his throbbing cock onto you. A sob of pure, overwhelming pleasure eased up your throat. You heard both of your flesh clicking with every move Yuta made. The air smelt of sex. Dark. Your body opened and joined with his. Arching, you meet his heavy thrusts lifting your hips after his attacks, moving in a desperate manner, urging him on “Shit, you feel so good.” In that fleeting moment, in the deep night. You understood, there will be no other man in your mind, only the man in front of you, deep, thrusting, Yuta was only the one. The one.

Underbase. South Korea

Yuta sat alone. He stared at your sleeping figure on his bed. The marks lingered on your neck like wild berries. He felt his arms shake uncontrollably. He stood up in his black boxers; and approached the medication box just inside his drawers. He searched for the familiar capsule. Chloroquine. His breathing steadied, and found the strength to look at your figure again. His subconscious is having an internal battle with his heart. He drank his medication and went to the bed with you. Your skin glowed like warm honey. Yuta whispered in, “I will stop loving you until the last rose dies.”

Yuta and you have been in ups and downs. Of which included; surviving the Kaiju attacks. 

Yuta could still remember that devastating day. Indistinct radio chatters. Government jets. Explosions. Roars. Chaos. By the time the Kaiju was taken down by tanks and jets, exactly seven days and 40 miles later, three cities were already destroyed. Tokyo, Kyoto, and his hometown, Osaka. Thousands of lives were lost, including those of his beloved parents. The city mourned for the lost souls, memorialized the ones who died because of the giant beast, and the people slowly moved on. Three months later, there was another attack. Taiwan. The beast shattered Taipei. People clamoring, people killed, the toxic blood of the beast painting the streets a vibrant blue. Then, another attack hit Los Angeles, the same destruction happening, the same trauma. Again, it was stopped. Then and there, the people learned and realized. The attacks wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. Everything that happened was just the beginning. The calm before the storm. There was something waiting out there, something more grotesque, more destructive. 

There both of you entered the dangerous world of being a Jaeger pilot. 

The nation had been reborn, and set an alliance in order to be better prepared in case of another upcoming Kaiju attack. Resources were clamped together to build an indestructible weapon against the Kaijus. For the sake of the innocent lives, for the sake of their own sanity and peace. The people created their own version of the Kaiju. The Jaeger program was created. At first, there were a series of malfunctions and setbacks. A single pilot couldn’t withstand the neural load to catch up and interface with a Jaeger, the strain so powerful that it could cause intracranial nerve damage. And so, the two-pilot system was proposed. The left pilot for the left hemisphere and the right pilot for the right hemisphere. 

With the Jaeger, the people started winning, soon being able to stop attacks of the Kaijus everywhere. Then came the propaganda. Kaiju and Jaeger toys. The Jaeger pilots became celebrities. Everything was going smoothly, all success falling into the people’s palm.

Then, it all changed.

“Alert Gipsy Danger. Kaiju movement spotted at Bay 10. Code name. Kaiju Sharp Snout. Category 3. 9,000 metric tons.”

Yuta scrambled immediately out of his bunk bed. He whispered and shook your figure lightly, “I need to go, I love you.” You groaned in response. He made a sudden jump and knocked at the door of his younger co-pilot, Mark, aggressively. 

Mark’s door is slightly ajar. Yuta made himself in, further waking up the younger boy. “Wake up, Canada Boy. There’s Kaiju movement at the breach,” He slapped the bed of Mark’s lightly, “We are deployed to baby Mark-03.” He said in reference to the nuclear powered Jaeger.  The machine they were piloting, Gipsy Danger, was Yuta and Mark's pride and joy. Mark opened the door to his room and Yuta moved in his room, and approached his cabinet and put on a grey t-shirt.

Mark groaned, “Not a good morning to you.”

Yuta smirked, “It’s a good morning to kick some Kaiju ass. Road to seven wins.”

Mark wiped his eyes, “What time is it?”

“Two.”

Mark made a face, “In the morning?”

Yuta grinned while fixing his cross necklace, “Yep.”

“Why are you so pumped up all of a sudden?”

Mark glanced behind Yuta’s shoulder and saw your sleeping figure on his bed. Their rooms were just interconnected with a single door as a barrier. He gave the older pilot a smirk. Mark’s unanswered questions are answered; Yuta was the sole reason of the sudden moaning at twelve fucking midnight.

“What category is it?”

“Three, the biggest one, yet.”

Mark narrowed his eyes, “Code name?”

“Sharp Snout.”

Yuta approached the younger boy and made a playful fist bump with him. “It’s superhero time.”

Mark gave him a toothy grin. A knock disrupted the two from the main door of their rooms. A male voice grunted from the other side of the steel door. 

“Hey, Handsomes, time for the drop.”

Mark made his way to the bathroom, “Who gave them that code name?”

“Me.”

Mark gave Yuta a questionable look, “Handsome? Really?” then grinned afterwards. “Don’t get a big head, hyung. Also, tell (Y/N) I said hi after our mission.”

By the time Yuta and Mark were preparing for their mission, you were still asleep. The boots of the two young bachelors clinked towards the steel platform. Yuta and Mark met when there was a Jaeger Pilot sign up in Japan. Yuta and Mark had a similar childhood experience, having lost their families because of the Kaiju Attack. They weren’t the stars among their classes, never have been selected for an urgent attack. However, there was one thing that made the two exceptional among all the Jaeger pilots; they were drift compatible. They had a strong bond which made their fights more successful. The drift compatibility was, in essence, two completely different systems conjoined together to create an enormous battle defense against an intruder. Finding a drifting partner was like searching for your other half, your other soul. Yuta didn’t want to have you as his co-pilot; he gets distracted by your beauty easily.

Yuta and Mark arrived at the drop facility. The workers assisted the two in wearing their titanium metal suit, tools whirring, a metal spinal cord attached to their back. The two pilots gave each other playful glances. They wore matching white helmets, a yellow liquid dispersing downwards.

“Data on Helmet. Data relay gel dispersing on circuit plots.”

The machine gave a low hum. The lights flicked on, the others following. The heavy secured door opened with a loud hiss. Yuta and Mark entered, each stride followed by a clank. The attachment metal descended, a loud swish coming from its origin. It looked like a harness, but there was no attachment on the pilot’s torso; the metal straps are only connected to the arms and foot. Yuta and Mark placed both of their feet on the pedal platform, then the equipment wrapped around their soles and ankles, securing both of them tightly. It gave an impression as if they are flying mid-air, the security straps hidden behind their lavish suits. The staff whirred the screw onto their backs, the driller machine turning the screw aggressively. Another metal, similar to a handcuff automatically attached on the boy’s wrists, clicking after each wrist. Then a circular device was connected to their palms, a light emitting from its center. A circular plot on Mark’s right palm and another on Yuta’s left palm. 

A voice came out from the p.a system. 

“Good morning, handsome boys.”

Yuta grinned and pressed the overhead controller, “Taeil, what’s up, my man?”

Taeil chuckled, “Mightier than ever. Won an algebra quiz.”

Yuta pressed the button again, “Having a sexy brain makes you so attractive, brother.”

Mark pressed in his buttons calling out to Taeil, “How was the date? Did you score?” Then the two laughed boisterously. 

Taeil smirked from his station and levelled the mic onto his plump lips, “She loved me, that’s a giveaway, however, someone was barking. I will leave it to you guys to imagine what exactly that was.” Taeil went on a blind date, however, it didn’t go as well as he’d planned. The girl’s father didn’t fancy him at all. 

Yuta groaned, “That must’ve hurt your ego, man.”

Taeil clicked his tongue, “Have established my ego and pride for several years. That one was chicken.”

Marshal Lau entered in his navy suit, “Engage the drop, Mr. Moon.”

Taeil’s body jerked up in surprise and he cleared his throat, “Engaging drop, Sir.” The hologram flashed in front of Taeil's face as he typed down the keyboard, vigorously. A bracelet lingered on his wrist. He spoke towards his mic again, “Marshal Lau on deck.” He pushed the button on his console, then jutted the controller similar to a joystick in an upward direction, “Securing conn pad, then, we are ready to drop.”

The staff from the conn pad attached the steel with the shape of a bowtie. The steel conjoined with a loud hiss.

“Conn pad attached, Sir Taeil. Back door secured.”

Yuta and Mark pressed the p.a button, “Ready for the drop.”

Yuta voiced out, “Gipsy Danger ready for the big drop.”

From a distance, the place Yuta and Mark are in, is actually a robot head. It was gigantic, it had a black exterior, the eyes that looked similar to a windshield, are colored a bright yellow. The air around it swooshed, steam coming out of the pipes. Then, the robot head dropped in an instant. The two pilot’s stomach churned as the head plunged from a high altitude. 

Yuta hissed, “Here comes the roller coaster ride.”

Mark answered back, “Never was my favorite.”

Gipsy Danger’s head attached on its enormous torso. The two groaned at the impact of the drop, but recollected immediately. The head descended and locked onto its open neck. The head tilted towards the right, and a series of chains connected to each other. 

“Connection complete, Sir.”

“Engage the pilot-to-pilot protocol now.”

Taeil typed in again, “Engaging pilot-to-pilot program in three, two, one,” he clicked a button, “Now.”

An AI voice sounded from the speakers, “Pilot-to-pilot sequence, protocol engaging.”

Gipsy Danger’s neck continued to move, securing all the heavy duty alloy into their places. The gaps from the neck closed in an instant. The enormous robot’s center core illuminated a high glow of red, the internal part turning in a fast, clockwise direction. The tower cranes moved away. The platform beneath the Jaeger’s feet moved slowly. The marshallers waved their luminous sticks guiding the moving vehicle with care. The doors of the base opened; violent waves flashed the bottom and strong winds blew into the base. 

“Gipsy Launch. Bay nine.”

Mighty gales. Rain. Thunder Strikes. Gipsy stood out despite the storm eating in. Several lights luminated from the robot; the topmost head, chest, legs, the forearms. There were indistinct radio chatters heard, and the helicopters flew against the tempest. The moving platform dropped slowly into the water, creating a huge wave from the impact. 

Taeil pressed several other buttons from the overhead console. “Gipsy Danger, ready and aligned, Sir.”

Marshal law leaned onto the microphone, “Rangers, this is Marshal Lau. Prepare for the neural handshake.”

Taeil moved again. His fingers grazing the buttons, the hologram screen illuminated robot parts and the brain; both left and right hemisphere shown. “Initiating neural handshake in fifteen seconds.” Taeil started counting downwards while typing vigorously, making sure the programs are set well. An image of the brain turned against the screen, “Ten.”

Marshal Lau observed the holographic screen, then took a peek at his watch. It was past three already. 

“Eight.”

From the Gipsy, Mark pressed some buttons, then looked at Yuta. “I really can’t hide my secrets from you.”

Yuta tsk-ed, shaking his head, “Do the honor of stepping into my brain first.” 

“Pilot-to-pilot sequence, protocol engaging. Neural handshake initiated.”

Mark and Yuta stood there, and closed both of their eyes. Both of the pilot’s visions looked like a big whirlpool; making them remember the significant memories of their past, then a blackout, then another memory. Each could read and see the latter’s memory. This was called the Drift. Jaeger Technology. Based on the fighter program neural systems. The two pilots mind-meld each other’s memories with the body of the giant machine. The deeper the bond shared between the two pilots, the stronger they fight. 

A gigantic loading screen flashed on Taeil’s screen. “Neural handshake complete. Strong and deep.” 

Marshal Lau stood behind him, staring deeply.

Yuta raised his left palm, the circular device illuminated. “Left hemisphere calibrating.”

Mark did the same, raising his right, the device glowed after his movements, “Right hemisphere calibrating.”

Both of the pilots moved simultaneously, raising one arm after another and throwing a punch. The gigantic machine followed the action of the two; lifting its gigantic arms then flexing them afterwards. The control and movement originated from its main base, the head from the two pilots engaged. 

The female AI voiced out, “Calibration completed.”

Marshal Lau breathed then spoke, “Gentlemen, your orders are to hold and block Kaiju from entering Manila's waters. Copy?”

Yuta answered, “Copy, Marshal.”

Mark spoke, pressing the button from his overhead controller, “Sir, there is movement on the west coast. A fishing vessel--”

“Rangers, we are not risking millions of lives for a vessel that contains twenty. Orders are orders, understood?”

The two rangers answered at once, “Yes, Sir.”

Yuta pressed the button to cancel the message transmitting from the base. He gave Mark a stern gaze. 

Mark gulped, “Is he serious?”

Yuta gave him a determined look, “Mark, you know what I have in mind?”

Mark’s lips pressed into a thin line, “Our minds are connected, I’m basically in there.”

Yuta grinned, “I know. Let’s go for some fish.”

Mark gave a lopsided smile, “Then, here we go!”

The two pilots made a step. The left then lifted their rights. It took great effort to take a stride with the machine. The two pilots were suspended mid-air; starting from their feet, there was an enormous chain turning into a clockwise direction from every movement made by the rangers. The Jaeger took big strides along the waters. The machine stood about two-hundred fifty feet; complex, weaponry used as defense for the alien life domination. Gipsy Danger walked in the waters as if not fazed by the violent thunders and winds blowing its enormous metal body. There are phenomena that are impossible to fight with; hurricanes, rain, thunderstorms— all acts of God. However, when you are in a Jaeger, everything impossible could be made possible. Being in a Jaeger meant, winning, defending everything coming at your way.

Shores of Manila

From the mile anchorage. The fishing vessel was wiped by the aggressive waters of the peninsula. The boat swayed carelessly along the violent waves, heavy currents hit the hull of the water vessel, splashing water everywhere its bow. The fishermen yelled instinctively while chaining their equipment to the post. Slipping on the deck, panicking and helpless. They were soaked while they ran around the open cabin to secure every paraphernalia in place; their yellow raincoat stood out in the dark storm, the wind tackling them out of their posture. A man in his mid-forties; with an Indian descent, trotted inside the cockpit. Another man, an African-American, controlled the helm, whirring it towards the right. The radar beeped loudly. The windshield wipers were busy; vigorously wiping the windows, left and right.

The man in his forties yelled out of his lungs, “How long is the port from Manila?!”

The man behind the wheel answered, speaking on top of his lungs, “Ten miles, Sir!”

An old man, from the right of the driver; wearing a beanie, roared while staring at the radar, “We’ll be dead by the time we reach Manila!”

The storm makes it hard for them to communicate; the only thing that is effective is through shouting on top of their lungs in attempts to hear each other, while the wind is aggressively slapping the vessel from left to right. The Indian shouted back, pointing at the radar. A green light blinked after his taps, “What about that island by the east? Two miles?!”

The American answered him, “It’s a mile, Sir!” He yanked the wheel again, stirring towards the East direction, “The island is getting closer!”

The old man in a beanie cried out, “How the hell is the island getting closer?! We ain’t even accelerating forward!”

The Indian caught his tongue, and stared intently ahead. The radar was beeping rapidly. The waves splashed and an enormous black rock came into a view. The island. The American shouted, his tone hinting victory “The island!”

The Indian shook his head, “It’s no island. Kaiju.”

The enormous monster swam across the waters. Its back was hunched, rising up and down from the waters.The Kaiju gave a low growl, its feet dragging heavily along the floors of the ocean. It was massive and its scales luminated a cerulean blue. This beast was neither lithe, nor blessed with grace. Its beady eyes glinted a deep black; upright soulless and evil. Underneath the drone of the rain there came another sound. At first it was quite indistinct, but as it drew closer to the vessel where the fishermen huddled, it became louder. A deafening growl that was bone-shrieking. The Kaiju swam fast, approaching the vessel in an instant. 

The man in his forties cried, panic surging up his systems. “Fucking hell! Turn the vessel around!”

The Kaiju stood up. Standing about hundreds of feet. Yellow lines lingered around its back. A blue illuminating its sharp nose. Its giant claws raised, about to ponder the vessel to pieces. Luckily, the vessel had swerved to the right, missing the blow of the monster. The Kaiju roared loud as the thunder struck from the skies. Its gigantic mouth had illuminated a warm blue glow; its tongue raveling out. A string of curses unraveled from the fishermen’s tongue, like yarn unfurling, as the Kaiju advanced. It's golden and blue scales shimmered with hot anger along with it's dark, cold, greyish eyes. Every step it took rattled their bones, struck their hearts, and shook the waters. The Kaiju stared down at the vessel, its beady eyes hungry, angry, dangerous. The men from the deck cried in agony and panic, “Oh God!”

Another one yelled, “What the hell?” As several splashes of water sprayed them from the deck. Gipsy Danger rose up from the waters, its light blinding the people from the vessel with an electronic buzzing. The center core of the enormous machine glowed a fiery red, turning in a steady, fast, circular direction. The Jaeger’s large right hand grabbed the vessel from its bottom. The fishermen ducked their heads; figures crouched on the deck, trembling in terror. The vessel rose up in the air, in the palm of the gigantic robot. The fishermen yelled. 

A female robotic voice boomed from the pilot’s control center. “Fishing vessel secured.”

From Mark’s circular plot; a holographic image of the vessel was shown. “Adjust the torque!”

Yuta nodded and pressed the buttons from the overhead consoles, “Alright!”

“Torque secured.”

The Jaeger kneeled on its one foot and pivoted its body towards left, the right arms extended forward, releasing the vessel on the other part of the ocean; away from the roaring Kaiju. The Jaeger turned around and the two pilots quickly threw a right punch aiming towards its jaw. The Kaiju had a loud howl as it staggered backward, falling into the waters. The Kaiju quickly stood up in an attempt to attack the Jaeger, however, the machine had already mustered another blow, coming from the left arm. Smashing the creature's chest, Yuta and Mark both groaned while they raised both of their arms up in the air; fist closed to pound on the flat part of its sharp snout. The Kaiju’s head dropped into the waters; its mouth lighted up a sharp color of blue as it exhaled underneath the surface of the sea. It rose up again, and let out an angry shriek, advancing towards the Jaeger and smashing itself towards its torso. Yuta raised his left arm in defense, but the Kaiju was too fast, ripping some of the parts of the Jaegers arm. The pilots staggered on their places; the system beeping rapidly, they both shouted.

“Hyung! I’ll aim the missile! Hold the demon to its place!”

Yuta held its body; holding the sharp snout in place; the Kaiju protested against the stronghold of the machine. Gipsy Danger’s right arm transformed into a missile launcher; a circular beam ready to be launched. “Get it!”

The missile was launched. Three shots. They smashed right against the chest of the Kaiju. The monster gave a loud screech and fell from its back. The waters gave a loud splash after the downfall of the Kaiju. 

From the base, Taeil read the beeping lights from his holographic scene. “Discharge reading, Sir. Plasma cannon released in the peninsula ten miles of Manila.”

Marshal Lau pressed in the p.a system, “Rangers, what the fuck just happened?”

Yuta smirked and pressed onto the p.a button from the overhead console to answer back, “Kaiju down, Sir. That makes that our seven.”

Marshal law yelled through the microphone, “You disobeyed a direct order! The plan is to avoid the Kaiju from entering the waters of Manila!”

 Mark answered back, “We did, Sir! We released a launch and saved the vessel from being crumpled!”

Marshal Lau’s nostrils flared up, “Go back to the base, Now!”

The rangers grinned at each other. They had made the Marshal annoyed, again. Yuta pressed the button, “Okie dokie, Sir.” He pressed the button again, to cancel the p.a message transmitting to the base. 

Taeil cried out loud, “Kaiju signature sending. I repeat, the Kaiju is still alive!”

Marshal Lau pressed the microphone again, yelling, “Rangers! The thing survived! Grab the vessel and return to your post now!”

Gipsy stood there in the waters, the two pilots frantically searching for the Kaiju. The waters glowed with the Kaiju’s blood; the ocean colored a fascinating shade of cerulean blue; despite its aesthetic appearance, it was highly toxic. The Marshal’s voice boomed into their p.a systems, “Gipsy, get out of there now!”

Gipsy lingered right, then left. It was still and quiet. Only the violent blowing of the winds were heard. Then, suddenly the creature attacked, taking the pilots in surprise. The Kaiju roared angrily and clawed at the machine. Gipsy held in the Kaiju’s mouth, controlling its attempt to eat out the machinery. Mark and Yuta grunted, as they swayed back and forth from the Kaiju’s impact. 

Yuta yelled, “I got this!” He swung his arm, the machine’s fist shifting into a missile launcher. He then made an attack, taking a movement from below. The Kaiju swatted the arm then lashed with its sharp snout onto its shoulders, clawing the arm away from the source. Yuta screamed loud in pain as he held his left arm. The radar from Gipsy’s head beeped rapidly, the screen blinking a bold text of ‘Alert’.

Mark yelled through the mic, “Taeil hyung, we’ve been attacked!”

Taeil from the base, typed in. Gipsy’s figure flashing on his screen. He turned towards the Marshal, “Left arm, gone, Sir.”

Gipsy’s arm was clawed out by the Kaiju. With another attempt, the monster chomped on the arm, ripped it away and threw it towards the ocean. The Kaiju went mad; berserk; screeching as it violently attacked the Jaeger. Its right claw lashed onto the Jaeger’s head; where both pilots were stationed. The glass shattered as the Kaiju roared. Mark and Yuta swayed, ragged breath leaving their lips. The Kaiju have gone through the hull. It clawed up and managed to destroy the right side of the Jaeger’s head. Opening from Mark’s side.

Mark threw a panicked look towards Yuta, “Hyung, listen! You have to--”

Mark shouted loudly. Desperate, full of panic. He was so helpless. Mark wasn’t even able to finish his sentences as the Kaiju snatched his figure apart from the metal supporting him, his body flying away. Yuta cried out loud, “NO!”

From the hull, Mark’s spot was now empty, replaced with electricity and fires. Yuta screamed in agony, “NO!” He grunted as he was electrified. The computers were beeping rapidly. Red Alert. Alarms wailing. Yuta bit down his lips as he tried to raise his injured arm, transferring the circular plot on his right palm. The Kaiju gave a loud roar, advancing towards Gipsy, again. Pushing the machinery with brutal force. Yuta grunted as he staggered from his post. The monster growled and placed its sharp snout on the Jaeger’s chest. Yuta screamed, as jolts of pain shooted out his body. Yuta aimed the missile launcher. The creature was dominating, clawing and smashing against the Jaeger’s body. It roared after a huge attack. Then, again and again. 

“Missile Loading”

The Kaiju chewed on the Jaeger as if it was a feast. Yuta yelled again. Then, he aimed directly at the gigantic monster’s chest. Three shots. There was a massive, blinding light. Darkness. Its body parts littered everywhere. 

From Taeil’s screen, the red dot has disappeared in a blink of the eye. “Second missile, launched, Sir. No Kaiju signature noted.” He typed in again, “I’m not getting any signals.”

“I cannot reach Yuta, Sir.”

The Marshal walked away from the base. A sullen look painted his face. It was not a time to celebrate; they did ward off the Kaiju. However, they had lost another brave soul. Mark Lee fought until his very last breath.

Bali, Indonesia

“Grandma! Look what I found on the shores!”

The little girl showed her grandmother an old, rusty, robot toy; a Jaeger to be precise. Her grandmother gave her a pleasant smile, standing up from picking up shells. “That is absolutely beautiful my dear.”

“It is mama! I wanted to see one Jaeger someday!” She beamed at her grandmother, clapping her hands excitingly. Then the elderly shushed her, “Okay, you will! Now let us pick some shells, shall we?”

The younger girl nodded and crouched down and helped her grandmother to pick up several shells. All were pearly white, some with a tint of orange and pink, some long, others short. Loud footsteps were heard from the distance. The young girl peeked up, her eyes widening at the sight. She cried out loud, “MAMA!” The younger had wished for a Jaeger, and a Jaeger appeared. Mark 03, Gipsy Danger. Clattered and destroyed. 

The grandmother raised a hand on her mouth. Surprised. “Oh my heavens.”

Gipsy staggered with every step it took. The machine creaking. Then suddenly, it fell on its knees and made a drop towards the ground. The machine powered down after the fall. The two ran towards the machine quickly. The elderly woman flailed her left arm, “Stay here!”

The grandmother approached the hull cautiously. Then she saw a figure crawling from the machine’s gigantic head. Yuta panted as he struggled to get out of the Jaeger. He quickly stood up. He looked like he was run down several times. His left arm suit was already busted, burned to the extent; pools of blood dripping down his forearm. From his left bicep were several vertical wounds. It was red and bloody. His helmet was cracked and staggered, almost collapsing. Everything was circulating, he couldn’t think straight, couldn’t clearly hear the words from the elderly woman. He felt as if he was drowning. Muffled voices. All he could think of was his younger brother, Mark Lee.

Yuta whispered while he turned around, “Mark... Mark? (Y/N)?” His legs couldn’t carry his weight anymore and he collapsed on the ground. 

“Darling, quick! Call for help!”

The elderly woman held his face, “It’s gonna be okay. Hold on for a little longer.”

Could he hold on a little longer?

“Where the hell is Yuta?” You shook Taeil’s shoulder, tears welling in your eyes. The news of their expedition has made it through the Underbase. It was already four in the morning, yet, no signs of Yuta. No signs of Gipsy. This is what you feared. You did spend a lovely and memorable night with the love of your life but, is this the price you have to pay? Your fingers trembled, as you observed Taeil type in his keyboard. “Taeil, please find him.”

“I’m trying my best (Y/N). For now, calm down.”

“How can I calm down Taeil?”

“(Y/N), you know exactly how dangerous our job entails. Death chases after us, I hope you are aware of that.” You are. You’re not just ready to let go of him yet. Not now, never. You stood up again, this time, you roamed around the base. Looking at every monitor in sight; just to divert your attention. You told the marshal that you won’t be deploying bases not until they give out any information about Yuta. Hong Kong could wait. You would be needed if there is a brought mutilated Jaeger. After all, you have already settled with the restoration team and upgrades of the Jaegers. You were once a pilot, too, but Yuta was concerned about your health. The Jaeger tech is too much for your health; it almost had your ECG line flat that one moment you had a mission in China. You were also responsible with the cadet selection and combat training. 

You blinked hard. Throat tightening. You gave an abstracted look then, took a deep breath and slowly initiated expiration. You felt the relaxation of your diaphragm and your lungs pushed out air. You licked your lips; it was already dry. The holographic screen of Taeil showed the maps of Manila, he zoomed in to the nearby countries surrounding the country. Tracing any signs of the Jaeger or Yuta. A staff from the other side of the room suddenly alerted the people inside the vicinity. 

“A report came from Indonesia, Sir Moon.”

Taeil gave you a quick glance. “That guy has nine lives. Don’t worry, we’ll find him, (Y/N).” 

Taeil’s voice boomed inside the control base, “Coordinates?”

“8.3405° S, 115.0920° E”

“Where is the call coming from?”

“Seminyak, Sir.”

“Prepare the chopper now!”

You approached Taeil’s figure, “I’ll come with your team!”

“(Y/N), no.”

“Why not?”

“Orders are orders, (Y/N).” You whipped your head towards the direction of the voice. Marshal Lau. You reacted, “Yuta is my boyfriend, I need to see him!”

The marshal nodded, “I know. But It could crowd the chopper. It’s much better if you’ll wait here.”

You tried to argue back but the marshal held up a hand, silencing you. He gave you a curt nod, “Orders, (Y/N).”

You stormed out in frustration. Fuck orders.

Yuta narrowed his eyes. He felt really exhausted. The elderly assisted him and managed to remove the suit from him; to let his body to breathe. The nasty wounds clinging onto his skin. Yuta tried to move his body, but he cannot move his distal muscles. And his fingers are shaking uncontrollably. He tried to remember when was the last time he had taken in his medication; one a.m, and he drank it while looking at your peaceful sleeping figure on his bed. The medication he had taken has already subsided. Now, he is suffering with uncontrollable muscle shaking, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He felt helpless, adding the fact that Mark was already gone. He wanted to diminish out. After all, his time was already set in a time bomb; time for Yuta was expensive, and there is no such thing as bargaining. The medics around the island checked upon him, and he didn’t sustain a concussion; but the mission surely left him an ugly scar. Thoughts swirling around his mind; was it really worth it to be a Jaeger pilot? Is it time to diminish the Jaeger tech of his system? The fire, determination, urge to kill and to protect the world from the enormous beast has threatened to fall down the day he piloted Gipsy Danger alone, and collapsed at the beach somewhere in Indonesia. Mark’s death is still taking a toll on him. 

A large helicopter. Boeing CH-47 Chinook. Hovering in the air above the clinic he is currently housing at. It was painted a deep green and yellow, a heavy, military aircraft with a figure in dark glasses and helmet hunched over the controls. It swung around over the site, it's blades beating the air. Then settled on the ground. Yuta narrowed his eyes at the aircraft before him. The familiar emblem caught his eyes; a large sword that struck a Kaiju’s chest. He walked out of the site and approached the man that had jumped out of the vehicle.

“Nakamoto Yuta.”

Yuta called upon the name of the higher up before him, “Marshal.”

The Marshal nodded, “Now's not the time to mourn. My number one priority is your health.”

Yuta nibbled on his lips, “It’s always been our oath marshal. Mourn later, Kill Kaijus.”

“I also lost a brave soul. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Yuta furrowed his brows, then looked towards the Marshal intently, “Marshal, I have something to tell you concerning my health.”

The helicopter they rode flew high in the air. Passing through the familiar cities of Taiwan, China, Singapore, then they finally arrived in South Korea. Military time, 1800 hrs. Jaeger Station, South Korea. 

It was raining hard. Busy. The people at the bay were occupied. Some are pushing the Kaiju specimen drenched in formuline in a large glass dome towards the southwest direction in the laboratory. The marshallers were waving their glow sticks guiding the arriving helicopter towards the helipad. Military men in raincoats walked back and forth. Trucks and machineries are busy. Cargo ships at the nearest dock. You stalked out of the base, a large black umbrella covering you from the rain. You were still frustrated that Marshal Lau hasn’t let you go on their search rescue. The anxiety is slowly killing you. You have heard rumors about solo piloting, and it has a backlash. All you know, it could affect Yuta’s health. A whistle caught your attention.

“Looking good, Miss (Y/N). Can I have a taste?” 

“Fuck off.”

You didn’t know the guy and so, you ignored and paid no attention to him. Your world wasn't just experiencing the attacks of Kaijus, there are creatures that are jerks, scattered around the world, Misogynists. They are of a different breed, but they don't differ as they share the same attitude. You clutched your work laptop tightly against your chest. Your long black coat swaying against the violent winds and followed your figure from behind. Your black combat boots made a loud splash every stride you took. You looked up and saw the Boeing CH-47 Chinook ready to take off. Your hair was swept away due to the winds coming from the blades of the aircraft. You stood there and waited expectantly. You felt queasy and uneasy. The staircase descended down the floor and Marshal Lau approached you. You handed him the extra umbrella you took with you, with shaky hands. He gave you a curt nod and opened the other umbrella for the person following him from behind.

“Oh my God.”

The mashal spoke, “(Y/N), Yuta needs to be sent to the infirmary--”

You saw how Yuta limped. His injuries are seen from afar. Your eyes welled up as you approached his figure cautiously. You cupped his face, his deep, sad eyes staring back into yours. That wasn’t the same eyes you were used to seeing; his eyes were your favorite; it felt so alive, charismatic, full of determination, but those staring back at you are just as black as midnight. Empty. You took a sharp intake of breath. You leaned in, temples touching, you closed your eyes and whispered. “I thought I lost you. Hell, I was so afraid I wasn’t gonna see you again.” The tears finally fell down. It was so melancholic. With the rain, your pounding heart, the man you loved the most stood there looking as lost and hurt. This wasn’t the life you wanted. 

Yuta stared at you intently. Never have he seen someone as ethereal, standing confidently despite the storm paving its way on the base. He observed you, you had blue highlights on your hair, pinkish lips that are kissable, deep eyes—unreadable. It hurt him to see you hurting too. He tried to force a smile, showing a perfect set of pearly white teeth. You sobbed into his chest, “I don’t know what I will do without you.”

Yuta whispered, “You should start standing on your toes. It’ll hurt you more if you rely on me a lot.”

A fortnight. Underbase.

“It's a surprise that there isn’t a Kaiju attack these fortnight. Are they on hibernating mode or something?”

“Trust me marshal, they are preparing for a bigger attack. This isn’t the time we should be letting our guards down.”

Taeyong dissected the heart specimen that lay on the table. Scalpel and tweezers. It was still fresh, its arteries a glowing color of cerulean, the veins are colored a deep crimson. However, it stinks of toxicity and ammonia. Taeyong’s arms are drenched with Kaiju blood and it covered most of the tattoos that lingered on both of his forearms. Sicheng, on the other hand, is writing vigorously on the blackboard. Chalks and dust. Formulas. Numerous data. 

Sicheng voiced out. He pushed the glasses falling from the bridge of his nose, “The Kaiju attacks from the last months as by my calculations were about two and that is the maximum. However, as I’ve outlooked the data given by the other labs, the attacks could multiply and the frequency of Kaiju ambushes could rise for about three or worse four. From Sydney it was two weeks, then a week, then days. No time from preparations, I say. Ergo, your rangers should always prepare for a Kaiju attack from the coast. A category four.”

“Doctor Sicheng, I am about to plan on to group a 2,400 pound of nuclear bomb in the Breach to stop the attacks. Please give me more precise data, not just a prediction.”

Sicheng cleared his throat, “Numbers never lie marshal. They are the most accurate thing and never close to a prediction. The frequency of attacks will increase to the point we couldn’t stand their domination anymore, and--”

Johnny finished the sentence for the doctor, “We’re dead. Alas.”

Sicheng lifted his chin, “Exactly, Lieutenant Johnny.”

Taeyong smirked. Kaiju mucus drenching his surgical gloves, “You speak like a mighty doctor.”

Sicheng gave him a quizzical look, “I speak the truth. Continue on examining Dr. TY.” He clasped his fingers and headed towards his digital monitor, “Here comes the good news.”

The marshal spoke, “We are listening, doctor.”

“You see, the Breach is the gateway. And it is quite confusing as to how the hell is the Kaiju going to different countries like Australia, Alaska, Manila, Japan this comes up to the conclusion that there might be a new portal or much more, several gateways for these monsters. However,” He paused and clicked the enter key, a deep portal showed at the screen, “They only came from one source. Here, deep and close to the Marianas Trench lying underneath the oceans of the Pacific. We disrupt the throat for it to widen, don’t worry, that is its natural structure. It is beyond flexible for the monsters to go through. So, If we disrupt the gateway, that is where we drop the bomb and boom.”

Taeyong butted in, “But we could rely on much, limited data. Hear me out marshal.”

Johnny and Marshal Lau turned towards the other pink-haired doctor, “Do you see how unique these creatures are?”

“They’re not--”

“Some would look like a lizard, next would look like a deadass fish. But despite their appearance, they do share one commonality, they have the same exact DNA.”

Johnny narrowed his eyes, “What are you implying now, doctor?”

“Cloning.”

Yuta entered the laboratory after listening to their complicated discussions. His voice startling the men inside. “I will be piloting Echo Panther, Marshal. That is where you will attach the bombs right?”

“Yuta, Why all of a sudden?”

Yuta gave a half shrug. “This is the best thing I could do, marshal.”

“You’ll die, idiot!”

Yuta deadpanned, “I’m a fucking Jaeger pilot and I’ll die as one. That is something I should boast about.”

The marshal tried to calm his nerves. “This isn’t the right time to boast!”

Yuta gave a solemn look. After the incident, he contemplated that participating in this mission is something that could cut his time-bomb. He made sure to spend his remaining days making himself busy, pushing you aside from his systems, even if it's painful for his part. It was a dick and dumb move, but he knew spending his limited days with you would cause damage to you and to him as well. He made sure to avoid you. “Marshal, I told you that I loved my mother right?”

Marshal Lau crossed his brows, “Yes.”

“And do you know what she did to prove her love to me? She sacrificed herself, for my own fucking sake.” He paused, fist clenching. The tremors are back, again. The marshal gave him  a concerned look. Yuta continued on, “Even if I choose not to participate in the mission, I would still die, it's all useless, marshal. Living is something out of my vocabulary.”

“This suggestion of yours will lead you to your death. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I know, but if it means keeping everyone safe, keeping my (Y/N) safe, it’s worth everything even if it costs me.”

“What about (Y/N)?” Yuta didn’t answer him. Instead, he gave a rose drenched in resin and a flash drive.

Yuta breathed, “Give that to her after this mission.”

The three of you entered the facility. Then the marshal took a left turn, towards the base’s large elevator. Marshal Lau spoke up, “We will take a look at the facility first, then (Y/N) will take you to Echo Panther. Copy that Yuta?”

“Yes Sir.”

You snapped back, turning your head towards the marshal and your boyfriend. “What Echo Panther? Is there something I missed out marshal?”

The door was about to close when a frantic screaming interrupted you from pushing the buttons of the lift closed. 

“Coming through!” Two pinked haired doctors scrambled inside the enormous lift. They pushed a Kaiju specimen through, crowding the space. The marshal pushed the button this time, giving you a meaningful look. Yuta felt the glass behind his back. The doe-eyed doctor wailed, “You are still injured, Yuta!” The elevator gave a sudden jolt, and descended downwards.

Yuta cajoled. Smiling wide. You were stunned at Yuta’s behavior. The time you saw him get down at the chopper since his last mission there was only one word that could describe him; lost. But the guy in front of you is really different, let alone he is acting as if nothing happened. “It's been a fortnight, doctor. I’m perfectly fine.”

You eyed Yuta. He’s been acting distant around you, and he seemed to be keeping things to himself. He was also acting differently around you; he never allowed you to nurse his injuries, or he never initiated intimate contacts with you unlike before. He acts completely different as if you weren’t molded as one. Dr. Taeyong spoke, “Just call me TY.” Yuta eyed the Kaiju tattoo lingering on Taeyong’s arm. 

Yuta continued to eye the tattoo and spoke towards the doctor, “Is that Tailjaw?”

Dr. Taeyong smirked, “A good eyesight you have. Yes it is. Truly one of the fascinating things I have ever seen.”

“Mark and I have taken them down in 2018. A category 3 as I could recall.” You blinked hard. Yuta made sure to not waste some dead air to let you interrupt. You tried to initiate a conversation but you were cut mid-way. You gritted your teeth

Dr. Sicheng interjected, “The only thing that fascinated you TY is that it’s heart still pounds even after its three long hour death.”

Taeyong spatted back, “And that was really fascinating, tell me otherwise or I’ll fight you Dong Sicheng!”

The elevator’s door with a loud hiss. You and Marshal Lau have stepped out. Yuta gave Dr. Ty a pat on the shoulders, “Kaijus were never fascinating, doctor. They are killers, ruthless blue-blooded creatures.” And he stepped out. 

He followed the two figures ahead of him, “Your research team is quite peculiar.”

Marshal spoke, “The two of them can outnumber a whole squad of researchers. They are pretty talented and brainy.”

The marshal gave Yuta a look, “Knowledge is always the outermost defense, Yuta.”

Pissed is an understatement, you couldn’t describe the anger boiling inside your gut. You pressed a series of codes on the biometric attached to the wall. The electronic beeps after your taps. The heavy secured door opened. Marshal Lau raised his right arm, “Welcome to the Underbase, again.”

People from the Underbase clamored around. Gulf carts beeping. Machineries wailing. Three tall Jaegers stood on each of the base’s corners. There are lights everywhere. Indistinctive radio sounds and chatters.Yuta turned around the base, his face awe-stricken. Above the large doors was a large digital clock.

The marshal’s voice boomed, “War clock. I hope we could reset it after your mission.”

Yuta narrowed his eyes, “I guarantee that.”

“We are lucky that they aren’t attacking, it surely gave us time to prepare.”

You interjected, “Excuse me marshal. But Yuta couldn’t participate in a mission. Can’t you see? He is still injured for heaven’s sake!”

The marshal looked at you, “He reported to me and said that he was perfectly fine.”

You stopped in your tracks and yanked Yuta’s arm, he voiced out, “Why?”

“What the fuck is running inside your mind Yuta?”

He looked straight into your eyes. No signs of love nor light. He glanced at you as if you were just an ordinary colleague, “Nothing. We should be going.” He left you there astounded. 

“It is. That is Tanker Shoalin. Assembled in Hong Kong, one of the greatest. Large titanium core, powered digitally. That machine eats up a lot of diesel. That will run up for your defense.” The marshal trailed. Yuta glanced up to see Tangker Shoalin. It was standing a hundred foot tall. It colored a deep color of indigo. Shimmering due to metal. “She’s piloted by the Wong brothers. Lucas, Kun and Hendery. Don’t be deceived by their soft looks, they are precise fighters, deadly. Defended the borders of China, nine times. They used their signature move, the triple tiger claw.”

“I knew of that technique. That was powerful.” He glanced at the brothers on the bench. Pretty busy with their own businesses. They wore a leather jacket, and their hair was colored a vibrant color of violet, pink and green. From Yuta’s left, a heavy duty grey Jaeger stood. 

The marshal pointed at it. “That one was the last of the first generation Mark 01 models, Hunger Mercenary. It may look as if it could be slammed down easily. But don’t be fooled, Yuta. That one is a bloodlust killing machine.” He paused, “Those two,” he pointed at the two men in a deep army green suit, “Doyoung and Jaehyun piloted the Hunger Mercenary.”

He stared at the figure of Kim Doyoung and Jung Jaehyun, “Yes, I have heard of them. New York based. Deadly killers.”

“Exactly. Gates under their watch remain unbreachable.”

You stared at Yuta. Eyes narrowing. He was observing the first generation Mark model. Then a booming voice caught all of your attention. Lieutenant Johnny approached the marshal, “Marshal. A pleasant morning.”

The marshal nodded, “To you too, Johnny.”

The lieutenant blinked. He stood tall, he had a new cut; an undercut. “Hey, Yuta. Oh, hey (Y/N)” Yuta nodded. You gave the lieutenant a faint smile. Johnny raised a brow; he is quite surprised at both of your behaviiors. You were both inseperable; clingy and full of love. The couple before him acted as if they despised each other. Johnny cleared his throat and gave Yuta a sullen look, “I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.”

Yuta only nodded. The marshal spoke again, “His cousin, Haechan will be your co-pilot in Echo Panther towards the Breach. That machine is as mighty as flash, quite fast and the last generation of the Mark 06.”

Yuta narrowed his eyes, “We’d be compatible. I’ve ran combat against Haechan before.”

“That’s a good thing. In that way we could stop the monsters from going in and out of our world as if they own the place. The Russians have given us enough resources such as nuclear missiles to be attached to Jaeger’s back.”

You clicked your tongue, “So you have a plan? What is my purpose then? To be an ornament?”

The marshal smiled, “An ornament is a fancy word, (Y/N). You are a warrior and so you will be backing the machine up to successfully enter the Breach.”

You snapped, “How could I back the Jaeger marshal? When you keep your plans to yourselves? My boyfriend doesn’t even talk to me as if I’ve got his fucking tongue.”

Marshall Lau blinked. This was the reason why he is opposed to Yuta’s request; you will be enraged once you find out. The Marshal called for Johnny’s attention, “Let us go to the control base.”

You raised your voice in annoyance, “Fucking hell, marshal. I feel like a fucking joke!”

Yuta cleared his throat, “Let’s go.”

“I won’t. Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Johnny fidgeted and bowed his head awkwardly towards Yuta, “The mission’s tomorrow. Let me know if you need something.”

Yuta answered back, “Thank you, sir.”

You cleared your throat, “Well? If you won’t talk, then I’m out.”

This is what they feared. What Yuta feared.

Your boots clanked every step you took. Yuta followed you from behind. There are electric sparks everywhere. The people were busy. Welding. Yuta heaved a sigh. Echo Panther stood there; tall, mighty and beautiful as ever. Beside it was Gipsy Danger, its familiar yellow windshield is noticeable from a distance. Memories came flooding his mind again, where he used to pilot the machine back in their glory days, with his best friend, his brother, Mark Lee. “She’s beautiful as ever.”

You tried to conceal your annoyance. “The last among the Mark 03. I made some major improvements on her model. Her nuclear core is powered tremendously, more stronger than before. There are weapons added, missile launches, laser ammos, et cetera.”

“She looked so new.”

“Better than new.” Yuta gave you a look. A look that you wish to see everyday. It is a glance that a man ever gave to a woman he truly admires, he truly loved.

“How do you like your new toy now, handsome boy?” Taeil walked on the metal platform. Yuta grinned widely and tackled the operator. 

“Good to see you, my man, Taeil.”

Taeil chucked, “Good old times. Where the hell have you been?”

“The infirmary,” Yuta inquired, “Ready for tomorrow?”

“I’m always ready.”

You stalked away; annoyance taking a toll on you. You glanced behind your shoulder and made sure to raise your voice for him to hear, “We better talk Nakamoto Yuta. I’m tired of guessing what the hell in running inside that pretty head of yours.”

Yuta entered his room, it looked similar, untouched, unfolded. It was a fortnight since he’d last slept in his room. Last night he was here; he was making love to you. Holding you close to him. Kissing passionately as if there is no tomorrow. But things have changed. Yuta cozened himself  with vain hopes and fake smiles, acting as if everything’s fine. The room looked lonely, empty, rusty. He turned to look at you. His eyes unfathomable, “What is it that you want to know?”

You let out an exasperated smile, “Stop acting so inconspicuous. I know something’s going on.”

“There is. Kaiju everywhere. I’m sure you know of these, (Y/N)”

You yelled, “I’m not fucking stupid, Yuta! Do you really enjoy doing this? Acting as if I’m not existing? This is bullshit, Yuta! Stop acting like a dick!”

There was a long silence. It was deafening.  

Yuta raised his brows, “I don’t understand why you are acting like this, (Y/N)”

“I’m acting like this because of you! You’re acting like a jerk!” You called out. Your fists balled up to fists; shaking uncontrollably. Your eyes glistened with tears.

Yuta chuckled bitterly, “Oh. I had no choice.”

Tears started to fall from your eyes.“Were you trying to destroy us?” You wiped your tears aggressively, inhaling rapid breaths,  “How do you sleep at night?”

Yuta let out a long, slow, exhale and ran a finger on his dirty blonde locks, “What I’m doing is for us, (Y/N). You’ll understand.”

“Did you expect this to turn out better? Yuta, what you are doing is bullshit!”

“I never meant to hurt you, you know?”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you did. For the weeks that passed, I was longing for you! I wanted to take care of you, but all you did was to push me away!” You sobbed, vision blurring with tears, “Tell me where did I go wrong, huh? Yuta, tell me!”

Yuta exhaled, giving you a cold stare, “Aren't you tired? Can we just stop this and give our hearts rest?”

You choked back your tears. The universe you are both in—is indeed in chaos. However, that chaos didn’t stop both of your feelings for each other. It was a feeling so rare, raw, full of love. This universe both you are in, gave a lesson to make introductions for lovers that are destined to do great things together, to seize the limited moment the universe has to give to the both of you. Yet the introductions can take time, can be staggered over weeks, months or years. In those times, you and Yuta have sorted out things; to not further complicate everything and stress each other out. This is what you’ve feared, when the time comes, the time of separation, the downfall of the love you both have established for so long. The pain ransacked your systems. It acts like a focusing lens; memories have flooded your mind, flashing towards the next. You saw that one time; the purity of his love, his words echoing in your ears; that you were the only one lover for his lifetime. Then all of a sudden, the jittery feeling collapsed. 

Your vision is blurred; you tried to hold anything to prevent you from collapsing. This wasn’t the ending you wished. Never in your life wished to have this dreadful moment; you slapped your cheeks. In attempt to slap out of the paranoia your mind is molding in; but failed. What you are seeing, hearing, feeling—they are all fucking true. The piercing pain, it is present. He approached your figure, you took a step backwards. His breath fanned your face, “I’m already tired, (Y/N). Let go of me, remove me from your system as if I never occupied it in the first place. I don’t deserve you nor you deserved me.”

You shook your head. “No. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I am not, (Y/N). I need air, having you with me, suffocates me.”

You exhaled and looked intently at his eyes. You sounded wounded and incredulous. Your voice is cracking, your heart pounding hard. You tried to reach out for him but he took a step back, “Please, please just give me another chance.”

Yuta stood there with an unreadable expression plastered on his face. He whispered,“Leave me alone, (Y/N).”

You blinked. Your chest is heaving up and down. You couldn't help but compare the night with his own state of mind. Just like those clouds, your insides were in chaos. A mess. “Why? Yuta, why?” You tried to reason out this unbearable burning but your mind is in an endless swirl of darkness. Everything felt so confusing, a joke; just like a jumbled set of a puzzle.

“The one you love most isn't always the one you spend your life with. I’m not the guy for you.”

You blinked. His expression darkened. You tried to convince him, it might just be Mark’s death as to why he is acting this way.“You were always the one, Yuta. Where did I go wrong? I will try to change, please.. Just don’t.. I love you so much.” Your emotions turn jagged, insides tight.

His tone was cold. “I know you love me, but I'm sick of lying when I say it back.”

You gasped and clutched your chest. Yuta did everything. Almost everything. Disobeyed a direct order, fucked his subjects, fucked you, loved you, killed, lost someone, everything. But, making you cry wasn’t part of his agenda. He had his reasons, he loved you so much. But for him, this is the thing he should be doing. He had already made a mistake, and he surely doesn’t want to commit it again. He disobeyed the orders of the marshal just to save the people from the vessel. If he just listened, Mark could've been breathing up to this day, fighting with him. But, what he did was for the greater good, and choosing has always come with a price and a consequence. 

What he did will surely give you a scar. But he would rather choose to be hated by his love rather than having you suffer forever. Waves of melancholy pooling over you. You bit down your lip, and dropped your gaze. “How could you do this to me? After everything we’ve been through?

You raised your head and saw Yuta. His figure is far from you; away from your reach. He graciously stalked around his room; topless. Several vertical scars lingered on his shoulder blades, his biceps, on his latissimus dorsi. That was the scars from his battle. The scar that reminded him of his loss. You stared at his figure intently. He had defined muscles; his abs are sticking out, his overall physique is a viewpoint and enough evidence of how well-trained and strong his body is. A body of a true ranger. A Jaeger Pilot. Both of your eyes locked. 

"People change, and people grow. And I think we just grew apart."

“That is stupid, Yuta!”

“Once, a long time ago, I thought I loved you. I do, but everything has its ends."

You were a big fan of literature. Yuta knew that. And one poem struck to your mind, 

"Of all nights, today's the one that had to break my heart fully and irreversibly."--A. M. Wolowicz

Yuta had molded your heart, took care of it, guarded it. But he was also the one who crushed it to pieces to the point, you were so lost, you can’t think of how to mend it back in one.

Military Time: 2100 hours.

“Marshal, the nuclear has been attached to Echo Panther’s back.”

“That’s good.”

“There’s one thing.”

The marshal stopped on his tracks, “What is it?”

“About Yuta.”

The marshal gave the staff a meaningful stare, “Is anything wrong?”

The staff shook his head, no. “The ranger wants to tell you that he’ll be stopping taking in his medication. And he also said to not engage his pod.”

The marshal narrowed his eyes. “Why so?”

“He didn’t disclose anymore, sir.”

The marshal exhaled, “Understood. Is the Jaeger ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Where are the movements?”

“Along Hong Kong, sir. Then, deep in the breach.”

“How many signatures are noted?”

“Three, sir. Category five.”

“Gather all the Jaegers.”

“Marshal.”

The marshal turned around and saw your figure. You look dishevelled, ruined, broken.

“How can I help you, (Y/N).”

“Place me in the control base.”

“Will do.”

“Movement in the Breach. Double event.”

The alarm wailed inside the control lab. There was a movement, after two weeks of calm, the demons are now starting to strike. Category four.  Taeil looked at his flashing monitor, a doughnut in hand. He called in all the staff. The pilots of Hunger Mercenary; Jung Jaehyun and Kim Doyoung are in the base; in their deep green metal suits. Jaehyun and Doyoung stood tall and glorious. The Wong brothers; Lucas, Kun and Hendery, pilots of Taker Shaolin, has worn their glossy red suits. Hairs are noticeable from afar. Your figure is standing near the consoles. You searched for the familiar figure of Yuta. And there he stood, beside Haechan both in you midnight black metal suits. 

Taeil walks in the base, back and forth. “Double signatures. Code name Tailcleaver and Thornbreaker and one, unidentified. They’ll reach Hong Kong in an hour.”

Marshal Lau’s voice boomed, alerting all the staff, “Evacuate the city, shut down the bridges. All people should be in refuge. Hunger Mercenary,” he looked at Jaehyun and Doyoung, “Tanker Shaolin,” then towards the Wong brothers, “I want you guard the harbor. Echo,” Then he gave a glance towards Yuta and Haechan, “Stay back at the miracle mile. You are the final option, we cannot afford to lose you.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let’s go.”

The metals are thudding as the choppers are set to fly out the three Jaegers to the coast lines. There are indistinct radio chatters heard. The pilots are alert, adrenaline pumping in. The orders of the marshal booming in their p.a systems, “Guys be alert. These are category 4s, large in both size and weight.

Jaehyun spoke, “We are near the coast line. Disengaging transport.” The choppers rope disengaged from their Jaeger, and the machine descended downwards. The Wong brother’s have already disengaged their transport as well; their Jaeger dropping onto the oceans. The Jaegers walked along the oceans; creating massive waves after their strides. The night was calm; eerie. Lucas sensed a movement from his right; three o’ clock. The Kaiju was swimming silently, moving fast. The Kaiju looked similar to a large lizard. Its feet were a bed of gloopy pustules; grotesque. Its legs are as thick as tree trunks. The Kaiju’s skin is so thick; leathery; with occasional blue scales lingering on its back. They also do have ginormous torsos, body covered in scales. Each step it took, made the ground shake. A roar. Height tall as a skyscraper. Teeth like rows of ebony daggers. Small beady, ruthless eyes searching for its enemy. The doctor wasn’t wrong when he said the Kaijus were adapting; they were surprisingly fast, agile, strong. The stench of raw flesh on it's humid breath, a glowing blue light illuminated its throat. Flaring nostrils. It was thrashing its tail as it took a fast movement, taking the pilots by surprise. It stood up tall. An ear-splitting roar like thunder booming.

From the right; three o’ clock of the Wong brother’s Jaeger. The Kaiju appeared; its tail sweeping from left to right. Its roar resonated along the coastline. Then, it took a sudden turn, it’s tail aimed for the Jaeger’s torso. The pilots grunted; the hull they were shook at the attack. They recovered from its attack. Kun instructed to engage the nuclear missiles and aimed fully at its throat. There was a loud splash, followed by a spine-chilling shriek. 

From the base, Taeil noted the missile launch. His fingers typing vigorously. “One down. The other one is attacking Jaehyun and Doyoung.”

The marshal squinted his eyes, “The unidentified?”

“It’s staying on the portal. Stationary.”

“And what are they up to?”

Taeil shrugged, “Echo Panther will find out about it soon,” he pressed a red button, “Dyoung, Jaehyun, what’s the situation?”

A string of curses unraveled from Jaehyun’s tongue, like a yarn unfurling. The Kaiju advanced. It's golden scales shimmered with hot anger along with it's dark, cold, beady eyes. Doyoung hissed as they staggered from its attack, their metal harness shaking at the aftermath. “This is one son of a bitch.” The Kaiju roared. Jaehyun and Doyoung took a swift punch. But the Kaiju struck up its sharp claw onto Hunger Mercenary’s torso; holding it to its place. The pilot grunted and shouted in pain. The Kaiju roared loudly; as its throat expanded; a glowing cerulean blue liquid spewed out from its mouth. Doyoung yelled, “Marshal, it purged out some type of acid. It is slowly penetrating through the hull.”

“Engage the nuclear bomb and attach to the pod. Now!”

From the base. You watched the electrocardiogram on the digital screens. The electrical signals of the pilots moving in a normal manner. The electrodes are placed on their chest to record the heart's electrical signals, of which causes the heart to beat. The signals are shown as waves. The Wong’s waves were moving fast a while ago; it signified stress. Jaehyun and Doyoung’s waves were also moving at a fast pace. Haechan and Yuta’s waves are moving calmly. Normal. You sighed as you fidgeted on your seat. 

“Missile Launching. Alarm Code Red.”

Doyoung and Jaehyun were now heading for their security pod. The AI is counting to five and for five seconds, they have to get the hell out of the JAeger. Otherwise, they will be fried to death. There was a loud blast. The people from the city wailed. Panic. Chaos. Then, loud roar followed by a blinding light. 

The marshal grumbled, “What is the health rate of the pilots of Hunger Mercenary?”

“Jaehyun passed out, he got delayed and thus, hit his head inside the pod.”

“Assessment?”

“Dyoung’s vital signs are normal. Jaehyun is unresponsive, I cannot read his pulse.”

“Engage the transport immediately. Lucas, Kun, Hendery, go back to the base. Now! Yuta, Haechan,”

The voice of the two pilots boomed onto the base’ speakers. Yuta’s voice sent a chill towards your spine. “Yes, sir.”

“Transport. Bring Echo Panther to the Breach.”

It's now or never. Yuta held only two choices; to die or to fucking die. And he wishes to die on a Jaeger rather than to die in a hospital 

“All ports sealed, ready to submerge.”

“Roger that.”

“400 miles.”

Doctor TY held the microphone, “Remember, Yuta, Haechan. Attach a Kaiju onto your body for the Breach to open through. This is our only way to get through their den. Take the monsters as a bar code, kaching.”

The ocean was fascinating, deep, eerie, lonely. Such thrills as the ocean could only give. Only the deep sea could bring. Yuta and Haechan walked, their strides heavy, the fall was close. It was like a changing panorama if only the Kaiju’s were not present. A rocky wall, not twenty feet away from them, stood up like a sky-scraper, straight and tall. Here and there it was broken by fissures and caves. Everywhere it was festooned with sea vegetation--seaweed, kelp, anemones. All these, with coral that rose like Gothic architecture, were entrancing. Like a dream come true. Suddenly a Kaiju attacked them from behind.

Yuta groaned, as their metal harness shook from the attack. The alarms are wailing. Then, there was another swing penetrating through Yuta’s side. It shoots a piercing pain onto his legs. You gulped nervously, Yuta’s vital signs and rhythms are going berserk. Wild. Even though he had ended everything, the love you have for the man is still present, even if the pain is taking a toll, corrupting you to blindness. 

Haechan furrowed his brows, “I cannot see anything. It's moving too fast!”

Yuta pushed the p.a button, “Taeil hyung, we can’t see anything!”

“To your left; one o’ clock!”

So far down in the ocean the sunlight is a soft diffuse glow. But for the most part, the ocean is dim, majority; dark. There were once golden rays from above; and it gave a warm blue hue of the waters; and the deeper the Jaeger went through; the darker the blue color they saw. 

The rocks are now silhouettes in the dim. The headlight from the Jaager lit up like the glow of the heat from a winter campfire. There was a lone fish, invisible until it entered the feeble beam. 

With the increasing pressure, Yuta and Haechan begin to feel like the water is becoming thicker, like soup. They glanced upward to the surface and their heart rate rose. It was so deep. The voice of caution whispered softly onto them; not to rise so fast, but it can't break through the scream for unfiltered rays and fresh air. Not, until, a Kaiju roared again and penetrated through their nuclear core.

“Let’s get this son of a bitch!” Yuta engaged the sword and struck it towards the head of the Kaiju. It screamed so loud. Its toxic cerulean blood is gushing onto its penetrated head. Echo Panter took a step while dragging the sword that struck the creatures head near the opening of the Breach. Where the lava spews. The Kaiju gave a loud screech. Its tail swooped from behind taking Yuta and Haechan by surprise. 

“Echo, be alert of a sudden attack!”

The Kaiju swam far away from them. Then, attacked directly at the Jaeger, coming over at full speed. Yuta kneeled, then Haechan raised his arm; sword glistening. The Kaiju’s mouth was wide open; screams and shriek coming out of its throat. But one thing, a Kaiju does not have is a sense of control. If it strikes, they will, and no one’s gonna tell them to maneuver their ways. Haechan grinned as he ripped the Kaiju apart. Yuta grunted as he controlled his body; the aftershock of the attack was heavy for him. Yuta needs to be stable for the Jaeger not to fly out from the assault. Its cerulean blood clinging onto the body of the Jaeger.  Haechan grunted, and folded his arms; finally striking and ripping the creature in half. The sword clamored. The people from the base felt glory. 

“Echo, attach the Kaiju onto your body!”

Echo Panther moved and gripped the Kaiju’s head. The people from the base where expectant; glory is coming their way. Not until, Taeil sensed another. “Fuck.”

Yuta screamed into the p.a. The alarms were not wailing, “The hull is compromised! We can’t shoulder another attack!”

“Jump onto the Breach now!”

“Copy sir!”

All the systems are critical. There is a lot of fluid loss. Code Red. Yuta’s leg was crippled. They held the Kaiju carcass limping, towards the opening. The Breach is a meter away, then the category five Kaiju suddenly appeared in front of them. Haechan gulped. Yuta gritted his teeth in anger. Yuta looked at the younger pilot, “Let’s do this.” Haechan gave him a strong nod. Then, they jumped ahead, with the help of the rear jets. Tackling the Kaiju onto the portal. Then, Haechan lifted his arm and sliced thoroughly onto the Kaiju’s back. The Kaiju screeched. Haechan grunted. Yuta yelled, “Hold on!”

The Kaiju screeched out loud in pain. Its tail swinged upward, attacking the rear part of the Kaiju. Haechan and Yuta were already exhausted. Taeil saw how Haechan’s oxygen levels dropped down fast. His monitor beeping wildly. Half capacity. Haechan felt like drowning. Taeil moved to another monitor, typing as fast; to reroute everything. Yuta yelled, “Hold on! I will burn this motherfucker down!”

Yuta activated the heat purge. The nuclear core flashed; burning the chest of the Kaiju. The creature groaned, and wiggled against the Jaeger’s hold. But their tackles and grip was strong. The fire penetrated through the creature's chest reaching its back. It screeched again, then its eyes turned grey. It fell onto the Jaeger’s chest, limp, unalive. They have reached the opening, electricity around them were whirring.Taeyong was right; the only way to enter the portal is you fool the Breach into believing you are of its people. From Taeel’s screen, Echo Panther’s signature suddenly disappeared. They have now successfully entered the portal, The lair of the demons. 

Oxygen from Haechan’s side was in a critical state. If he continues on, he will die there. And Yuta won’t allow that to happen; he pulled in his oxygen tube and attached it onto the younger’s suit. Haechan gasped for air. His helmet was fogging. He gave a faint smile, “You’ve done a good job, buddy. You know I was a jerk to (Y/N), but please guard her for me. I will finish this alone.” He pressed a series of buttons. Then, the metal harness whirred, sending Haechan’s figure inside the evacuation pod. Haechan’s eyes were heavy. He cannot decipher his surroundings. He gave Yuta a faint smile. He pushed a button then the pod was released ascending towards the surface.

Taeil voiced, “Yuta is giving Haechan his oxygen. He has already ejected the pod.”

You stood up quick. “What happened? What is happening?”

The marshal breathed, “It was his last will, (Y/N).”

You shook your head, “I don’t understand you marshal.” You pushed aside the marshal and spoke onto the microphone, “Yuta! Yuta!”

Yuta smiled, he heard your lovely voice, again. He blinked slowly; his oxygen levels were already low. He activated the nuclear core. There was a countdown. Five. Five seconds to live his life. He smiled, “I love you so much (Y.N). I’ll love you till the last rose dies.” Yuta initiated the reactor override. You blast the Jaeger to pieces; self destructing. The breach was like a large intestine. Pink and full of life. Electricity everywhere. The baby Kaiju chattered. Their beady eyes staring at the Jaeger. Then there was a loud blast. You were startled at the sound. The ECG line of Yuta was beeping, flat. You burst into tears, calling out his name on the microphone, “Yuta! No!”

It was Yuta’s last will. To save the world, to die in a Jaeger and to tell you how much he loved you. He did it. And he was content.

Five years.

It was five years of play-pretend. Finding ways to numb the pain. It was the start of the dark force. Tearing out the sewn paranoia you had. And replaying the pains of your past. You couldn’t forget about Yuta, he was your first love. Yet, after his death, all you could feel was the terrible pain; because of his disappearance. You would wake up in dawn just to cry till you could no longer lash out your tears. It was clarity that brought each of you, molded you to one, then had become one unit of two souls. But right now, your other half is gone, and you were left alone, numb, in pain. You decided to go to the bar. You felt high, in a daze, this was the thing you could do to forget that you are missing Yuta terribly. A guy pushed you in the bathroom, a tequila in your other hand. He began undressing you. You wanted this, to remove the pain. But was it worth doing? He kissed you. The scene was intimate; two people osculated. But in your mind; you wished it was only him, Nakamoto Yuta. He unbuckled his belt and sat on the toilet bowl. He pumped his member, it’s tip oozing. You immediately removed your pants, and panties and climbed onto his lap. You drank the last shots of your alcohol drink and began to thrust. The guy held your waist hard, guiding you up and down. He gave a moan of pleasure. You tilted your head back, tears flooding out of your eyes. You gripped on the metal pole overhead. You sobbed while thrusting deep. It wasn’t pleasure that you were feeling, it was fucking pain. Grief. It was five years of restlessness. If you could just pay to have him back, you would, but you couldn’t. He was now gone, permanently. You felt the pain glowing into your chest. You stopped thrusting and buried your head onto your fuck buddy’s shoulder. 

He hugged you, “Are you good?”

You breathed. You felt bitter, “It’s been so long since I last hugged someone…I had forgotten how it feels like to be held.”

You grabbed the rose from Yuta. His words are still clear in your mind; he won’t stop loving you till the last rose dies. And so, he gave you an undying rose. You felt your vision blurred. You grabbed the flash drive and plugged it into your laptop. Yuta’s gorgeous face came to view and it made you wail. All you did was to cry. 

[1] Formylove.mp4

“Hey love. This took me thirteen fucking tries, and I want to make sure this comes out perfect. Handsome I am right? Hehe.. First of all, I want to apologize for being a jerk to you; it was all an act... I don’t want to make you suffer anymore. You see? I was diagnosed with Helmer’s Myopathy and even if I won’t go on a mission, I will still die.. and so I did what my guts wanted me to do… spend my remaining days in a Jaeger fighting off till my last breath... This two weeks I’m away from you, it felt like hell, fucking hell… I wanted to touch you, hug you, but I did this, I distanced myself from you.. to hate me, because this is the only thing I could do to ease your pain. To replace it with anger. But please.. I love you with all my heart.. I won’t get tired of being with you.. To say that I love you.. I fucking love you so much.. I devote myself to telling you that.. I will always be in your heart, my love. I will never disappear.. If you ever miss me, just close your eyes, and I will appear.. That is how much I love you… What I did was for the greater good.. You deserve a peaceful world, (Y/N), my love. And I am willing to sacrifice myself to offer a serene world, for you. I know how much you love literature, hold on.. I have a quote for you, “I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up.” I will give everything up, just for you, (Y/N). I love you so much.”

im nervous about this but since i didn’t proofread this sike. anyways <3

[disgruntledkittenface]

Peanut butter filling!

hiii thank you!!

Peanut Butter Filling: share a snippet that really shows a character’s personality. (or: talk about an upcoming scene where their personality will shine!)

Okay, so what came to mind is super long, so it's below a cut! This is from when Louis comes to meet Harry's family for the first time and the gist is that he tries to take care of Harry, who's nervous, when actually he's nervous too and needs some taking care of!

chocolate themed wip ask game questions

send me one!

“So,” Louis says, as Harry exits the highway. “Are you nervous?”

“Yeah,” Harry admits, turning to look at Louis once he stops at a red light. “My parents can be a little… they have high standards, and they can be kind of blunt about it? My dad especially. And I want them to like you, and to be kind to you.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Louis says, reaching over to pet the curls at the nape of Harry’s neck peeking out of his knitted hat. “You know, it’s funny. I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what?”

“Meeting the parents,” Louis explains, looking out the car windows as they drive through Harry’s hometown. “I’ve never been this serious about someone I’ve dated.”

“Are you kidding? You’ve never done this before?” Harry glances sideways to see Louis shake his head. “Well, you know how I’ve always rushed things, I’ve done this way more times than I should have.”

“Any tips before we get there?”

“Um, yeah,” Harry says, chewing his lower lip as he thinks. “Okay. With Gemma, when she makes fun of you–”

“Don’t you mean if?”

“No, when,” Harry says, turning left when they reach an intersection. “When she makes fun of you, don’t just take it; you have to joke back. She’ll respect you for it.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“My mom is more of a softie than my dad, she just wants me to settle down, I think. She’s been studying up on Monaco, so expect a lot of questions about it, the history. She’ll probably ask about the university there.”

“Well, I happen to be an expert on Monaco, so that’s fine.”

“And my dad… he’s really big on propriety, like manners. He and my mom both taught at the same liberal arts college when I was growing up, and he’s been president there for ten years now, so he’s used to being in charge, not having people talk back. So even if he’s being rude, he’ll get really upset if he thinks someone is being rude back to him. It sucks trying to have, like, an actual dialogue with him.”

“That sounds hard,” Louis says softly, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s neck. “Luckily I have some experience working with difficult personalities like that. I’m not worried, darling, I’m really not.”

Harry pulls into the driveway and shuts off the ignition, turning to Louis. “Famous last words.”

The wind picks up as they get out of the car, shuffling the red and yellow leaves that have fallen to the ground, and they hurry as they grab Louis’ suitcase from the trunk and walk up to the house, which is owned by the college where Harry’s parents work. It’s larger than they need as a family, but one of the requirements of the job of college president is to entertain, and his parents make use of the space more frequently than Harry had expected when they moved in.

“Hello?” Harry calls out as he closes the door behind them. “We’re here!”

Harry’s mom rushes into the front hallway from the kitchen, trailed by Gemma, whose features are schooled in a disinterested expression. She can't hide the gleam in her eyes, though, and Harry can tell that she’s just as eager to meet Louis as their mom is.

“Mom, this is–”

“Oh, no, no,” she interrupts, waving her hands at Harry. “I’ve been reading about protocol; you’re supposed to present us to the prince, not the other way around.”

“Please, Mrs. Styles,” Louis starts, reaching out a hand. “That’s very thoughtful of you, but I’m not concerned with protocol while I’m a guest in your home. Well, that’s not strictly true, I am concerned with your house rules. Should I take my shoes off?”

“Oh, call me Anne,” she exclaims, her face lighting up as she shakes Louis’ hand. “I am delighted to meet you, Harry speaks so highly of you.” She seems to forget to let go of Louis’ hand, and he smiles patiently, raising his eyebrows. “Oh! Oh, I’m sorry, no, don’t worry about shoes or anything like that. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Gemma makes a scoffing sound behind her. “But you always yell at us–”

“And this is my daughter Gemma,” Anne says loudly, finally releasing Louis’ hand to gesture behind her. “Say hello, Gemma.”

The predictable monotone “Hello, Gemma,” is followed by her stepping forward to offer her hand to Louis, which he accepts, laughing.

“Harry, do you think you could offer to take his coat?” Anne looks meaningfully from Harry to Louis and back again. “Honestly, Your Highness, you’d think they were raised by wolves. We did our best with them, I swear.”

“Please, call me Louis,” Louis says, shrugging off his coat and handing it to Harry. “There’s no need for titles. I’m afraid I’ve already inconvenienced you enough, what with the security requirements.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” Anne says, her tone sugar sweet in the way it only is when she’s lying through her teeth. It had been obvious that she’d been more than a little freaked out when two guards had done a sweep of the house and grounds earlier that day, something the head of palace security had called to arrange in advance. “We’re just so happy to have you here. Harry’s been on pins and needles all day, waiting to go pick you up.”

“Mom, quit it,” Harry groans in his best impression of a moody teenager. “You’re embarrassing me.”

“Oh, this is nothing,” Gemma remarks. “Wait ’til she gets out the photo albums.”

“I’m afraid that will have to wait,” Anne says, looking genuinely regretful. “Harry, why don’t you show Louis to his room? Your father will be home with pizza soon.” She smiles apologetically at Louis. “Family tradition. We put all of our energy into cooking Thanksgiving dinner, so we always get takeout the night before.”

“Oh, it will be a treat for me,” Louis assures her. “I rarely get to eat pizza, and I love it.”

Gemma snorts. “Harry, you didn��t tell us your boyfriend was such a suckup.”

“Gemma Anne Styles,” Anne hisses, swatting her with a dish cloth. “Kitchen. Now.”

“Alright, alright,” Gemma says, holding her hands up in surrender as Anne herds her back down the hallway to the kitchen, leaving Harry and Louis alone.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, now was it?” Louis whispers, stepping into Harry’s space and resting his hands lightly on Harry’s hips. “Come here, give us a kiss.”

“Us?” Harry raises his eyebrows.

“Sure you’ve heard of the royal we, darling,” Louis murmurs, leaning in and kissing Harry softly. Harry forgets to banter back as he melts into the kiss, their first since Louis arrived since neither of them wanted it to be in front of the crowd at the train station. It’s the little bit of tenderness that he needs to get through the family dinner ahead, and he only pulls away because he doesn’t want his dad to walk in on them. Louis smiles like he knows exactly what Harry is thinking. “Well, Harold? Lead the way.”

The guest room in the basement is more like a suite; the bedroom has a queen-size bed, and there’s a full bathroom as well as a tiny kitchenette. It only takes a minute or so to show Louis around and point out the best feature, in his opinion: the coffeemaker. Harry drapes himself on the bed as Louis unpacks, actually putting stacks of clothes into the small dresser as opposed to living out of his suitcase for the duration of his stay like Harry usually does when he comes home.

“We should get back upstairs,” Louis says as he slides his empty suitcase under the bed. “I want to make a good impression on your father when he gets home.”

“Well, you definitely chose the right outfit,” Harry replies, standing up and running his palms over Louis’ chest. “It’s like you used a stylist, or a costume designer picked out the perfect sweater for a coming home to meet the parents scene in a movie.”

For the first time since he’s known him, Louis actually blushes.

“I, ah… may have had some help,” Louis admits. “From a stylist.”

“Wait, what?” Harry asks, unable to stop the grin forming on his face. “You have a stylist? You’ve never mentioned a stylist before.”

“Well, it’s not like he dresses me every day,” Louis says, smoothing a hand over his sweater. “But yes, I have a stylist. Zayn. We meet every few months and go through my closet, and he shops for me and makes recommendations for special occasions.”

“Special occasions like going to Buckingham Palace…” Harry can’t help smirking. “Or special occasions like meeting my parents?”

“Special occasions like both,” Louis says, burying his face in his hands. He mumbles something that Harry can’t quite make out, so he gently pries Louis’ hands away, lifting his eyebrows. Louis shrugs. “I wanted this weekend to go well.”

“I love you.” Harry kisses Louis before pulling him into a hug. “I’m sorry for teasing, you’re just so cute, Lou.”

“Lots of people have stylists,” Louis mutters, grasping Harry’s sweatshirt in his hands as he hugs him back. “You have a stylist.”

“I know, honey, I know,” Harry says, holding Louis tight and swaying slightly. “You know, knowing that you’re nervous too actually makes me feel better.”

“Really?”

“Really. You don’t always have to be the strong one, you know. We can lean on each other.”

“Well, that’s… that’s very nice of you to say,” Louis mumbles, pulling back. “Can we go upstairs now? I don’t know why but it feels like bad form to be down here when your father gets home.”

“Of course, Lou, let’s go up.”

[blacktrekkie]

1/12 Days of Spones: Snow

here’s my day one fic!

tos spones, rated T, 1.2k, read it on ao3

“Kisses in the snow seem to be a common theme for the end of all these films,” Spock observed, looking skeptically at the projected couple quite literally smashing their mouths together while snow fell into their hair. It looked painful.

“I — yeah, I guess,” Leonard said sheepishly, already reaching for the remote. “We don’t have to watch these, you know, it’s just… Joanna and I like to watch them, this time of year. Hate-watch them.”

“No, we can continue,” Spock interjected before he could pause it. “They’re… intriguing.”

Leonard huffed out a laugh. “More illogical human behavior?”

“Perhaps.” And then, after a sidelong glance: “Though if you find it illogical, Leonard, I may have to reevaluate that conclusion.”

“Hey!” he protested without heat. “You’re supposed to be hate-watching the movie, Spock. Not me.”

Spock almost smiled. “Apologies,” he said. And then he said it again, by laying his hand on the ankle that had stretched closer to him on the couch as Leonard got more comfortable. He turned back to the projection and his eyebrow raised at the sight in front of him. “I did not know this was a musical.”

“It’s not, it’s the last five minutes of a shitty Christmas rom-com. Hence, the shitty musical end scene.”

Spock didn’t particularly understand that, but he nodded. They finished the movie silently with horrified fascination — the horrible autotune filling the quarters until it finally faded to the instrumental credits.

“Phew,” Leonard finally said. “That was… really fuckin’ horrible, huh?”

“And yet you enjoyed watching it?”

He grinned, a little embarrassed at explaining the ritual. “Just a little bit. It’s entertaining to watch bad content! You’ve just got to tear it to shreds verbally while doing it. Keeps you sane.”

He popped off of the couch, going to find a new movie.

“Are you implying that watching too many of these movies can make one mentally unstable?”

Leonard didn’t look back at him, but he snorted. “Spock, in my very expert medical opinion… yes.”

He finished queuing the movie up and settled back onto the couch. This time, his feet found themselves in Spock’s lap. Spock, for his part, simply wrapped his fingers loosely around his ankles, barely paying him any mind.

“Leonard, I have one other question.”

“Hm?”

The film was starting with a slow pan over a small town.

“Kisses in the snow… they’re seen as romantic?”

“I guess. In the most cliche way. It’s just a common trope in Christmas movies.”

“Hm,” Spock mused. He left it at that.

“What?”

“I was contemplating when we would next see snow.”

Leonard attempted to hide his blush, by arguing gruffly, “Even if we weren’t on the ship, I live in Georgia and you live in a desert. Not much of a chance of us finding snow any time soon.”

Spock tilted his head, conceding the point. “I assume you have not been kissed in the snow?”

“Not that I remember, but maybe. They’re not as firework-y as the movies paint them as.”

Almost on cue, the movie set off fireworks as it began a montage of the main character’s — miserable, by the looks of it — past year.

“Anyway, we don’t need snow to kiss, you know.”

“Of that,” Spock responded, “I am keenly aware.”

Leonard couldn’t even pretend to hide his blush this time so he just turned back to the projected film. “Watch the damn movie.”

He did. “I believe he is about to spill his coffee on her,” he said a second later.

And, lo and behold, the guy tripped over nothing and dropped his giant coffee down her shirt.

Spock blinked. “He was — no one was around them, he could have easily avoided her.”

“Shitty romcom, Spock,” Leonard reminded him.

“But it was completely unnecessary. There was no crowd around them. Why did he spill all of it? He could have righted himself in time to avoid that.”

He wanted to laugh at the outburst, but he just recited: “Shitty romcom.”

Spock opened his mouth to continue his criticisms, but his mouth firmly shut as the woman was revealed to be in the restroom as she washed her shirt in the sink. With only a bra on.

“Spock?”

He averted his eyes from the projection. “Leonard, you did not tell me that this movie was explicit.”

Leonard laughed so hard — at the guy “accidentally” walking in on the shirtless woman, Spock’s mortified expression, the implication that bras should be rated R — that he fell off the couch.

***

“Shore leave, Bones,” Jim said excitedly. “Come on, you need to take a break.”

“I’ll take a break after I administer all of these vaccines for shore leave.”

At that, he pressed his hypospray into Jim’s neck.

“Now, get out of here — the faster I get through this, the faster shore leave comes.”

Jim chuckled, but obligingly slid off the biobed. “There’s a pool!”

“The faster shore leave comes, the faster swimming comes,” Leonard added pointedly.

Jim held his hands up in surrender, beginning to walk backwards. “Alright, alright, I’m leaving! Just don’t forget a swimsuit.”

“I won’t, Captain,” Leonard said, somehow making the respectful term downright mocking.

***

And he didn’t forget swim trunks. But, as it turned out, there was no need to worry about them anyway.

“Snow,” Spock confirmed as the planet got closer on the view-screen.

“Snow,” Chekov agreed forlornly.

Jim sighed — they’d all been expecting the stereotypical pool day vacation. “Guess we’re going sledding instead of swimming.”

Leonard looked at the planet next to his spot behind Jim and then to Spock and then back to the planet. “Guess so,” he drawled.

Spock stayed turned away from them.

But it didn��t matter.

Leonard could see how flushed the back of his ears were.

***

“I have been waiting six months and eleven days to do this,” Spock murmured, cupping Leonard’s face in his hand.

They’d managed to escape the rest of the crew when a snowball fight had broken out.

“Those Christmas movies really stuck with you that hard?”

“Indeed, they did.”

Leonard laughed before rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Alright, let’s get to this snow kissing.”

He leaned forward, but —

“Leonard, wait.”

Leonard waited.

“Is it possible that we could break up for a moment?”

He raised his eyebrow.

“To make the kiss more authentic,” Spock supplied helpfully.

Leonard stared at him for a moment, an incredulous grin sliding onto his face. “Spock?” he asked in a voice that was too sweet to actually be sweet.

“Yes?”

“Take what you can get.” And he grabbed Spock by his scarf, dragging him down into a dip before kissing him for a good and long moment.

When he pulled back, Spock actually looked dazed. He straightened out of Leonard’s hold. He wiped the snow off of his face for it to only be replaced a few seconds later.

Leonard was smirking at him.

Spock cleared his throat, fixed the position of his coat. “That was acceptable.”

“Hm… I don’t know, in the movies, they probably shoot a ton of takes,” Leonard mused playfully.

Spock considered this. His cheeks were flushed, but Leonard didn’t know if it was from the cold or the kiss. Probably both. “You’re most likely correct,” he agreed after a moment.

Leonard couldn’t help it when he laughed into the kiss.

Kissing in the snow really was romantic.

[lady-divine-writes]

Good Omens - Dodge and Parry (Rated NC17)

Summary: Crowley discovers that he is rather enamored of his angel's bruises ... especially the ones that go farther than skin deep. (2006 words)

Notes: I wrote this for Kinktober 2020, the prompt 'bruises'. So I was going to write a piece about bruise worship, which this sort of is, but it went much deeper. I will try to come up with something kinkier and more fun another time XD

Read on AO3.

“How does that feel, angel?” Crowley asks, soaking his washcloth completely, then wringing it out over Aziraphale’s scalp. “Too hot? Too cold?”

“Neither.” Aziraphale hums happily with eyes shut. “It’s perfect. Sublime, I should say. Like soaking in a nice, warm cup of tea.”

“We’ve added enough dried flowers and wot not that you could just be,” Crowley comments, swiping a hand through the water, swatting at a cluster of rose petals, lavender, sweet jasmine, and chamomile.

“Hmm. Then you could drink me,” Aziraphale says, sinking deeper into the steaming water.

“Ngk … I … I could …” Crowley stumbles, but he recovers, a triumph since that remark from his angel almost had him choking on his tongue. “But let’s save the sweet stuff for later, eh? We’ve gotta get you fixed up.”

“Yes … let’s. Then … I can do you …” Aziraphale mumbles, drifting off, his cheeks rosy from the warmth and the company. Crowley soaps up his cloth and runs it over Aziraphale’s arm, sliding past a mark that has blossomed considerably since he last saw it. He runs the cloth over it again and it seems to darken, the cream-colored suds rinsing into cloudy water and revealing a plethora of purples swirled together, related to one another by hues, tiny freckles sprouting along the fringe like shy violets.

A galaxy of them really.

Crowley isn’t normally fond of scars and bruises, especially on his angel. Aziraphale bears many types of blacks and blues, with varied stories behind them. Older scars on Aziraphale’s corporation - ones following mortal paths and having faded to silver - come by way of other angels who delight in his suffering. Crowley has seen every one of those, categorized their existence, set their placements to memory. A touch of his fingertips tells him when they were created … and by whom.

Crowley has gathered a list of enemies on his angel’s behalf, and that list is long.

Very long.

Not all of angel’s bruises are visible to the naked, mortal eye, but they’ve dimmed his aura considerably.

Crowley never thought the humans’ quarantine would get to Aziraphale. Being locked inside, forbidden to go out and socialize, leaving him heaps of time to read his books, seemed like a dream come true. With no one coming into his shop to browse, there was nothing keeping him from doing his crossword puzzles till his heart’s content. And it seemed that way for the first few months.

But it didn’t stay that way.

More and more, Crowley would catch his angel sitting in a chair by the window, staring up at the sky, sighing deeply as if for a long lost love, which seemed utterly preposterous to Crowley since every book Aziraphale could ever want lay in a stack beside him. Aside from that, he had his music. And cake! Why, they’d been baking cake every single day! So much cake, in fact, that any poor soul who so much as poked their head out of their door received a cardboard baker’s box packed to bursting with confections, passed along at a socially safe distance courtesy of a long, wooden shepherd’s crook.

And thanks to a wonderful service with a mildly vulgar name, whenever Aziraphale so desired, a delivery person dropped by with a box of his favorite sushi, which Crowley generously tipped for.

But Aziraphale still wasn’t happy. And he was becoming less happy by the day.

Something had changed.

He mentioned several times to Crowley that he felt hemmed in; that lately, being locked inside made it difficult for him to breathe. He longed to walk through the park, soak in the sunshine (when it made itself available), and feed the ducks again.

Crowley didn’t understand it. Aziraphale despised exercise to such a degree that if he sat at Crowley’s kitchen table, preparing to sup, and discovered that he’d left the butter in the fridge, he’d rather do without then to get up and fetch it.

It wasn’t until days later, when Crowley found a stack of newspaper clippings hiding underneath Aziraphale’s ledger, that he began to catch on:

Covid cases increase rapidly as next steps planned

'Tier Three' Covid restrictions in announcement on Monday

More than 80% of positive UK cases in study had no core symptoms

It wasn’t the toll quarantine was taking on Aziraphale. It was the toll this disease that caused the need for a quarantine was taking on the humans he was so fond of. That time spent staring at the sky, Aziraphale spent praying, wondering why the Almighty would let this continue, let so many of Her beloveds die and for what?

From the expression on his angel’s face after, Crowley assumed he got no answers.

It was like the Ark all over again, only without the refreshing rain, and with no rainbow in sight.

Determined to take his mind off of it, Crowley arranged a private movie marathon for his angel at his flat. They sat on his sofa with homemade snacks and watched some old Errol Flynn movies. And it worked! After a while, Crowley started watching Aziraphale more than the film, his angel that much more entertaining. Aziraphale had started the way he watched every movie - sitting primly upright, hands folded in his lap, eyes glued to the screen. But over time, he’d started to inch forward, lean in, muscles twitching to recreate the fight scenes - the swipes of a sword, the parries, his feet shuffling enthusiastically in place to mimic the steps of the actors’ retreats like they were performing a gavotte.

Encouraged that this was a way to break through Aziraphale’s melancholy, Crowley recommended they dig out the old fencing foils and have at it, sans protective gear in honor of old Errol. Besides, they didn’t need it.

“Oh! No, no, no!” Aziraphale argued at first, even with a smile on his lips. “I couldn’t! It’s been so long!”

“Nonsense!” Crowley retorted, heading for his closet. “You were an expert swordsman centuries ago. I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully now. It’s like riding a bicycle.”

“And how’s that, dear?”

“Once you fall off, you get right back on.” Crowley tossed Aziraphale a foil, which he caught without looking, and Crowley smirked knowingly.

Crowley didn’t give Aziraphale a chance to back out, didn’t salute him like at the beginning of an official duel. Crowley came at him like a buccaneer, crowing and catching Aziraphale off-guard. But Aziraphale fought back. He wasn’t upset by Crowley’s abrupt start. On the contrary. He laughed at Crowley’s antics, especially when he tried to evade by climbing over the sofa, and then onto an end table. His joy was infectious. It rang through Crowley’s flat, made the plants (which had initially recoiled at the sound of clashing metal) stand straighter, wave their leaves and cheer. It rose up inside Crowley as if the joy were his own, making him laugh, too.

Laugh till he snorted, which he hadn’t done in a long time.

But it didn’t last as long as Crowley had hoped.

Aziraphale got lost somewhere in the fight, lost in thinking, his mind drifting in all directions while he dodged and parried by rote. His face grew tense, his expression morphing from concentration to anger … to vengeance. He went after Crowley with clouded eyes, as if everything pent up inside him - the sadness and the anxiety - had found a weak spot in Aziraphale’s armor.

And now, it was starting to break through.

Crowley didn’t know who Aziraphale saw when he looked at him. Those world leaders who didn’t take this pandemic seriously, who didn’t act quick enough, who were greedy.

Beelzebub and the Dukes of Hell, whom Aziraphale credited for the speed in which this disease took hold, and the blind, stubborn stupidity of those who refused to do their part to stop it.

Gabriel, who has long since laughed off any correspondence Aziraphale has sent him regarding the matter, rejecting the last dozen with a very snarky ‘Return to sender!’ emblazoned in gold across the envelope.

Or the Almighty, who has the power to stop this but who has refused, and doesn’t have the decency to tell him why.

Or maybe he simply saw Crowley, who treated the whole thing like a joke, not only taking a nap for the first few months but then extending it, leaving Aziraphale alone when he might have needed him most.

Aziraphale attacked, closing in on Crowley fast, fighting with more fist than blade, and Crowley defended.

They struck one another at the same time - Aziraphale bringing his wrist down on the bridge of Crowley’s nose, Crowley’s guard-covered fist coming up to block and accidentally clocking Aziraphale on the jaw.

Both stumbled back, seeing stars.

Had they been human, Crowley’s nose would have broken, and Aziraphale’s jaw would have shattered. As was, Crowley’s nose ended up a bit crooked till a minute ago when Aziraphale snapped his fingers and set it straight. Aziraphale’s jaw still sported an indigo bruise reminiscent of a mum.

“Oh … oh my dear boy! I am so sorry!” Aziraphale apologized profusely when he saw Crowley’s nose, blood pooling underneath.

“Wot?” Crowley sniffed, wiping his Cupid’s bow with the back of his hand, examining the stain left behind with swimming eyes. “Oh, this? It’s nothing. Barely a scratch. Think nothing of it.”

“But … but …” Aziraphale stuttered, on the verge of tears. He dropped his sword, almost dropped to his knees, too, but Crowley hurried forward and gathered him up, wrapped him in his arms and held him.

“It’s all right,” he whispered, hugging Aziraphale tight. “It’s going to be all right, angel.”

“Do you … do you really think so?”

“Yes,” Crowley said with a sigh. Whether he did or not didn’t actually matter. But no one, angel or human, was going to get through today and on to the next if they didn’t believe it was at least possible. Crowley had to hold Aziraphale together, even if he did it with lies. He had to keep the one angel left on earth who still cared going. “I do.”

That’s when Aziraphale’s tears began to fall.

Crowley held him.

An hour went by, and Crowley held him.

Crowley declared Aziraphale the winner, and as a reward, offered to give him a bath and miracle him healed.

But when he got his angel naked and saw the bruises glowing on his skin, he hesitated. He shouldn’t be attracted to them. He shouldn’t find them appealing. On top of being physical damage to Aziraphale’s skin, some of them were bred out of despair. They should have repulsed Crowley, but they were actually glorious, like a small corner of impressionist art brought to life and tattooed on his skin.

Because not all of these new bruises, exploding with vibrant color and depth, were bad. They happened when Aziraphale was still smiling, still laughing. When his leg banged the corner of a table during a particularly rowdy retreat. When he tried to follow Crowley vaulting over the back of the sofa, misstepped, and landed on his knee. When their foils tangled together and Crowley accidentally kicked Aziraphale in the thigh in his effort to separate them. Aziraphale had watched Crowley fly backward, land on his heel, and spin three times like a ballerina, stopping in a perfect arabesque, just to then trip over air and land in a chair. Aziraphale threw his head back and laughed so hard, he walked right into Crowley’s (blunted) sword, the flat tip leaving its circular shadow behind.

Those bruises …

Those are bruises of pleasure.

They run deeper than skin.

And Crowley is quite satisfied by that.

Crowley almost regrets his promise to rid Aziraphale of them.

But being the one who gets to heal Aziraphale is an honor all its own.

However, he realizes with a grin, there is a way to get them back.

He’ll memorize these, too. Their exact locations.

And freshen them up later with his mouth.

[misc-headcanons]

Oooh I saw your ask box is open and also finished bleach recently so how about date headcanons (maybe like what kind of dates they like/what they like to do for dates and how they act?) for ichigo, byakuya, and renji? Thank you so much, I love your writing and am happy I caught the ask box open!

(Aaaa tysm! 🥰)

Ichigo

He likes chill ones at home, ideally at your place. Yuzu and his dad would be eavesdropping the whole time if you were in his bedroom, and they'd be constantly keeping an eye on you two and butting in if you were anywhere else in the house. If this is his first date with you, he may want to just hang out after school or somewhere in town (like a cafe or something), and then walk you home. He's a little too nervous about going to your house on the first date--and your room? He's fought all kinds of godly threats, and he's still flustered about entering his s/o's room for the first time. 

On the second or third date, he'd be able to say yes if you asked him if he'd like to come to your place as a date, or maybe chill there after you guys go somewhere else (like to a movie). He's so stiff though when he's in your room. Should he touch anything? Is it OK if he sits on your bed? After a while, he'll chill out though and relax with you on the couch or your bed while you guys hang out and just talk.

He'd also want to do "normal teenager things" (and yes, he'd actually say that shit out loud when asked what you two should do on a date. Ichigo's kind of an awkward dork sometimes, imo 😅) like go see a movie, check out an arcade, stuff like that. He hasn't had the chance to be a normal teen in a while, and he wants to enjoy the calm moments when he can. 

Byakuya

Byakuya...he doesn't "date", per se. "Courting" is a more accurate way to describe it. There are a lot of festivals that occur throughout the year in the Soul Society (like in Japan, since that's the culture it's heavily based off of. Obon is definitely one of THE big events every year, as well as other ceremonies and holidays centered around the spirits.) He'd use these festivals as an opportunity to take you out on a "date".

The most he'd do when he's out with you is maybe hold your hand. He does care for you, but...public affection is "unseemly" if you're from the aristocratic families. It'd kinda feel like you're dating a love interest from a Jane Austen novel sometimes, lol. Yeah...he's very similar to Mr. Darcy, if you've read Pride and Prejudice. Though if he's feeling especially "brazen", he might let his hand linger on yours for a bit before brushing a strand of hair behind your ear (oooh, how scandalous~)

After a few of these outings, he'd invite you to tea at the family estate and would give you a tour of the grounds. If he shows you any portraits or pictures of Rukia, you can definitely hear a hint of pride in his voice when he shows them to you. Things might get a bit awkward if you find one of Hisana, but...Byakuya would be honest and up front with you. A part of him will always care for Hisana, but he loves you. Never doubt that.

When you two are enjoying the view of the grounds, he may try his hardest to actually flirt with you since you two are alone. He'd try to casually mention how beautiful it is to see the pond filled with cherry blossoms in the spring...and then not-so-casually add that when you're there though, it could only ever be the second most-beautiful sight he could lay eyes on.

Renji

Renji could go a few ways when it comes to dates. If you're into combat and whatnot, he'd definitely love to train with you! Normally he's got laser focus when he's working on his combat skills, buuut...if you wanted to play dirty, you could flirt with him a bit while you sparred. He's not used to that on the battlefield, and he'd lose his concentration a bit. Plus, you can see his face turn as red as his hair!

He'd also be cool with getting a Gigai and going somewhere in the Human World. He's still a bit of a "tourist" when it comes to aspects of human life and culture (despite his claims of being an expert after his many visits there), so if you're a human or you're a more knowledgeable Shinigami/Arrancar/Quincy, you might need to show him how to be a bit more subtle. He'd be fascinated by just how many ways humans entertain themselves; if you want a fun time, just take him to an arcade, a movie theater, an amusement park, etc.

He's trying to act more confident than he really is, since on the inside he's super concerned about not screwing things up. He's also a bit protective, so he's ready to whip out Zabimaru at a moment's notice in case of danger. Like Ichigo, he's also a bit nervous at first, but hides it fairly well--unless you initiate any PDA or flirt with him, or you point out how he seems a bit nervous. Then he stammers a bit while asking what you mean, h-he's not nervous! Well, maybe a little. I mean, c'mon, he's just on a date with a gorgeous, funny, smart as hell s/o, why would he be nervous. He's pretty good at channeling that nervousness into some real sweetness.

[avwrites4ever]

Fantasy Setting Idea - Classic Japan (Heian Period)

It’s a New Year! And what better way to start it off than gush about something I love! I hope you will enjoy it too, and get excited, because I’m bursting with ideas!

I’ve even gushed about this to people at my work, the poor things. That’s how excited I am.

I just love discovering new writing ideas and hoping someone will do something wonderful with them. It doesn’t have to be me. Just someone.

So.

The Heian Period.

Also known as the Golden Age of Japan.

I think it’d make a fascinating base for a fantasy setting. So would ancient Korea, if the movie Ramage taught me anything.

*NOTE: This isn’t a history lesson. I’m just examining broad strokes of certain elements of culture & setting which I think would lend themselves to a fascinating fantasy story.

(Although there is a History of Japan in 5 minutes video at the end.)

Fun Fact:

The Tale of Genji, written during this time period, is probably

the world’s 1st novel.

The 1st novel. Ever.

Written by a court lady in Heian Japan, no less. She is known as Murasaki Shikibu, but that’s a nickname (her real name is unknown.)

Chiefly, I’ll quote from Royall Tyler’s intro to his translation of The Tale of Genji.

And if I can find my copy of The Pillow Book, written by Sei Shonagon, I’ll include that too. (Please don’t confuse with the film of the same name, which is not the same AT ALL.)

Here’s a summary of The Pillow Book:

http://cup.columbia.edu/book/the-pillow-book-of-sei-shnagon/9780231073370

*Not sure if this is the best translation, I just like the summary.

*Note: Translations are tricky, & often if you don’t like a translated text, it might be because the translation is bad, and not actually the fault of the original work! Please keep that in mind while reading.

The Tale of Genji & The Pillow Book are both primary sources, by the way, meaning they were written by people who were actually living in the Heian Period!

(And both ladies were rivals of each other, which I find hilarious, considering I like both of their works.)

They’re not dry & boring either. Far from it. (I mean obviously, or I wouldn’t recommend them.)

I recommend The Pillow Book first. If you have a good translation, while reading, you’ll learn about how life was during the time, which will make reading The Tale of Genji easier since, being a novel, Genji assumes you live in the Heian Period and so know all about it (the inside jokes, the word play, the burns, everything.)

I also find Sei Shonagon a fascinating person. Very funny & clever. She journals like I do, only less randomly. She’s very interested in the world around her & all its funny, heartwarming, or baffling moments.

If not for the barriers of time & language which, funny enough, translation has more or less broken, I feel as we’d have some great conversations.

I love how real people in history are both very relatable & very different from us.

I mention these 2 because it was chiefly while reading the intro to Royall’s translation of Genji that I got the idea for this post. Though I was already fascinated by Heian Japan while reading The Pillow Book.

Though, if anyone is interested, I first became intrigued by Japan’s history while reading Rurouni Kenshin. Considering it’s a manga, consisting of pictures & text, you might start there.

(Though Rurouni Kenshin is set shortly after the Meji Restoration, which I believe is something like the start of Japan’s modern period, since samurai are in decline. But don’t quote me, I could be wrong.)

Anyway.

Also, Tumblr apparently doesn’t know what the Heian Period is, so few pictures here will be actually of the Heian Period, and doubtful if they’re accurate.

Actually, I’m using this as an excuse to put in pictures of Toshiro Mifune & old Japanese black & white films & pretty landscapes & cats & anime, because I can.

So! What about Heian Japan so intrigues my writerly brain?

Lots of things, naturally,

Certainly a fantasy world based around the Heian Period will be different from your typical western Medieval-esque fantasy settings which are so popular.

Yes, I’m brilliant, no one would ever have guessed that.

(Though speaking of Medieval-esque fantasy research has taught me those, such as Game of Thrones, to give a popular example, are actually closer to reflecting the Early Modern Period.)

See this link for better argument by someone more researched than me:

https://acoup.blog/2019/05/28/new-acquisitions-not-how-it-was-game-of-thrones-and-the-middle-ages-part-i/

https://acoup.blog/2020/12/04/collections-that-dothraki-horde-part-i-barbarian-couture/

I mean yes, I was surprised too that a person who claims to do their research apparently hasn’t, but here we are.

Speaking of which, take everything I say with a grain of salt, because I know nothing. Nothing!

By which I mean, I am not an expert about the Heian Period, or even Japanese history. For example, a lot of what I’m talking about will involve the perspective of court nobles & rich people, since those were both the characters in the primary sources & were what the authors were themselves.

I’d love to read a story where the main characters & people involved are peasants in the Heian Period. (And who stay peasants, & aren’t secretly royal or noble.)

I’m only suggesting this as a way to expand your mind beyond fantasy settings which have been done before.

I hope too that I’m not advocating cultural appropriation either (an easy trap to fall into.) If you think I am, let me know!

Now that’s all out of the way, here’s some specifics about what I love about the Heian Period:

It’s a Hidden & Secret World Insubstantial as a Dream, Structured by Social Manners & Rank

What struck me right away while reading The Pillow Book & The Tale of Genji is how closed their worlds are. Noble women especially lived in a world of curtains, panels, blinds, and  paper, silk, or bamboo screens, and walled gardens. People speak to each other not only through these divides, but also through messengers / servants.

What connects all these things are how fragile they are.

As Royall writes in his introduction to The Tale of Genji, even in courtship, (pg. xix):

“He cannot see her, and he may have no idea what she looks like. He will not normally see her even if she speaks to him in her own voice, since she will still be in another room, behind a blind and a curtain, and the curtain will remain even if she allows him into the room where she is.”

Seeing another person is very intimate. This makes it very easy to build up mystery and intrigue of a person before you actually meet them. Catching a glimpse of them or a snatch of their voice, or the hem of a sleeve from under a screen can be electrifying. Especially of a gentleman to a lady, or vice versa, because of all those blinds and screens and so forth. Royall mentions this in the introduction to his translation of The Tale of Genji. 

“If he then takes it upon himself to brush her curtain aside and go straight to her, he will by that gesture alone have claimed something close to the final intimacy.” (Introduction, pg. xix.)

What prevents him, of course, is a combination of good manners & reputation. Royall writes, “Good manners maintained a proper distance, which amounted to unholding the accepted social order.” Loss of reputation could mean loss of friends and entertainment and wealth, even exile. Having other people to talk to or play games or music with was essential.

Introducing ghosts, shape-shifters, and uncertain magic to such a setting is only to be expected. (There is a ghost in The Tale of Genji.) 

Also note that then & now personal names were seldom used, & especially not in public unless by someone intimate with you (such as a family member or old friend) or the person was extremely rude. Instead, people were referred to by their rank and title or last name, or even the place where they came from. Some were even referred to by a number, for example, First Princess (Onna Ichi no Miya.)

Notes or letters were vital within such a formal social structure. Even more vital than text messages are today. For in notes, especially poetry, someone could speak from the heart. So much that even the type of paper used was important. For example, most romantic notes were written on thin, colored paper, often kept in the front fold of a robe. They could also be scented and contain a branch from a tree or flowers.

And of course, clever word play and innuendos were all the rage. People were also expected to memorize poetry, and judged if their poetry or writing wasn’t up to standard.

Anyone who loves words would excel here. Think of all the possibilities! Secret lover’s notes, inside jokes between friends, sick burns between enemies or rivals. Plots to overthrow the Emperor could happen in plain sight. Throw some curses and magic to the mix and see what happens. Having some sort of mystery would also work well.

Hope you enjoyed this & makes you excited about creating a unique, rich, fascinating fantasy world.

Or really any part of Japan’s history, which roughly goes like this:

Obviously, if any of this intrigues you, & you want to use Classic Japan as a setting, you’ll need to do research. And I mean it. Or I will hunt down some rusty spoons.

I’m serious though. The reason why I’m writing this post is, hopefully, other people can also learn about Heian Japan, or more of Japan’s rich, beautiful, bloody history. Share the wonder with others, so the wonder won’t be lost or forgotten.

And in doing so, discover the wonder at being able to laugh at jokes made by someone who doesn’t even speak the same language as you, doesn’t even live in the same time or place . . .

It’s truly amazing. People are more alike than we know. And amazingly different. Reading manga & learning about Japan (and other countries) has been & is such a glorious experience. I understand myself & other people better.

It’s opened up the world.

[aion-rsa]

Streaming on Plex: Best Movies and TV Shows You Can Watch for FREE in September

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This article is sponsored by Plex. You can download the Free Plex App now by clicking here!

There’s an overwhelming amount of new movies and TV shows hitting streaming services this fall. If you’re starving for new content, it’s set to be a fantastic time, but if your wallet is starving for funds, it can be pretty stressful. With studios and content providers spreading their libraries out across so many different streaming services, keeping up with all of your favorites can get expensive. Thankfully, Plex TV is here to keep you entertained without breaking the bank.

Plex is a globally available one-stop-shop streaming media service offering thousands of free movies and TV shows and hundreds of free-to-stream live TV channels, from the biggest names in entertainment, including Metro Goldwyn Mayer (MGM), Warner Bros. Domestic Television Distribution, Lionsgate, Legendary, AMC, A+E, Crackle, and Reuters. Plex is the only streaming service that lets users manage their personal media alongside a continuously growing library of free third-party entertainment spanning all genres, interests, and mediums including podcasts, music, and more. With a highly customizable interface and smart recommendations based on the media you enjoy, Plex brings its users the best media experience on the planet from any device, anywhere.

Plex releases brand new and beloved titles to its platform monthly and we’ll be here to help you identify the cream of the crop. View Plex TV now for the best free entertainment streaming and check back each month for Den of Geek Critics’ picks!

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DEN OF GEEK CRITICS’ PICKS

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

They’re the world’s most fearsome fightin’ team. They’re heroes in a half-shell and they’re green. I mean, what more do we need to say? 2014’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is no Citizen Kane, but comic book movie fans flock to it like the four titular turtles to pizza. The film knows exactly what it is, providing cheesy one-liners, silly action, and unpretentious fun. Throwing in Will Arnett as a sidekick for April O’Neil was an inspired choice that paid dividends in laughs and whoever tapped Tony Shaloub to voice Splinter should get a pay raise. Produced by Nickelodeon Pictures, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wasn’t only the highest grossing film in the series, but also the highest grossing Nickelodeon film of all-time. This reboot of the classic ninja team helped spawn further films, new TV series, and a renewed interest in one of the most beloved comic book properties ever. Cowabunga, dude!

Noah

This isn’t your Sunday School’s Noah. Darren Aronofsky’s adaptation of the story of the biblical figure Noah is an awe-inspiring epic that takes the bones of the famous story and infuses themes about environmentalism, self-doubt, and yes, faith. Pulling liberally from texts like the Book of Enoch, the film has far more action than just leading animals onto a boat and a storm. Shot by Matthew Libatique, the movie looks absolutely gorgeous and at times can be genuinely breath-taking, but it’s not just about the visuals. Russell Crowe stuns in the title role, but the entire ensemble is great, including a post-Potter Emma Watson and a ferocious Ray Winstone. No one expected Noah to be more akin to a thought-provoking art house film than a straight-forward epic, but that’s the sort of genius you get from Aronofsky, one of the most exciting and inventive filmmakers working today. 

Shine a Light

Even if we hadn’t just lost the immortal, suave Charlie Watts, the heartbeat of rock and roll’s longest institution, The Rolling Stones, we’d still be recommending Martin Scorsese’s Shine a Light. Capturing the legendary band during their A Bigger Bang Tour in 2006, Scorsese spends a lot of the time rightfully focusing on Watts. With the camera fixated on Watts, you witness his unflappability; the way that he can make such raucous playing look so effortless. You also catch the man’s unique, jazz-influenced technique, like how he rarely hits the center of his snare, or how he changes his grip whenever he hits a cymbal. Even in their old age, the Stones are still one of the tightest, most electrifying live acts, and Shine a Light puts you right on stage with them as they barrel through one of the deepest catalogs in recorded music. It’s simply a masterful concert film.

The Virgin Suicides

Sofia Coppola likely has to deal with accusations about nepotism to this day, but anyone who saw her directorial debut The Virgin Suicides knows that Francis’ daughter would have made it as a filmmaker even without her famous last name. This haunting adaptation of Jeffrey Eugenides’ novel of the same name taps into the melancholy of childhood, the dreamlike haze of memory, and the mystery that lurks inside suburban homes. Coppola expertly captures the pull that an ethereal group of sisters have on the imaginative group of boys that pine for them in a way that is relatable for anyone that had an unrequited crush in high school. As a coming-of-age movie, it is one of a kind. As an exploration of trauma and grief, it is crushingly effective. The original score by the band Air only adds to its hypnagogic vibe. 

Rock ‘n’ Roll High School

Punk rock music and Roger Corman pictures are some of the core tenants that Den of Geek was founded on, so of course we’re going to recommend 1979’s Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, which features possibly the coolest band of all-time, The Ramones. Let our resident punk rock movie expert Jim Knipfel break it down for you:

“After producing so many dozens of teen rebellion films over the years, Corman finally hit the pinnacle, the ultimate teen rebellion picture, with the cartoon antics ratcheted up more than a few notches. There are so many bad jokes flying around, so many visual gags and film references packed into every scene, so many overwrought teen film clichés pushed way past absurd, it’s a film that demands multiple viewings. Even if “Riff Randall, rock ’n’ roller” (P.J. Soles) doesn’t look much like any punk chick I ever knew, I’m perfectly willing to accept it. And in historical terms, it really was this film more than the 4 albums they had out at the time that spread the word about The Ramones to mainstream America, and that’s worth something. Old as I am I still get a thrill every time the students and the Ramones blow up Vince Lombardi High, and anyone who doesn’t must be wrong in the head somehow.”

New on Plex in September:  

1000 Times Good Night 

13 

13 Assassins 

The Accidental Husband 

All Good Things 

Assassination of a High School President 

Awake 

Bent 

Bordertown 

Brain Dead 

Cold Mountain  

The Descent 

The Descent Part 2  

Even Money 

Fear City 

First Snow 

Freedom Writers  

Gray Matters  

The Jesus Rolls 

Johnny Was  

Keys to Tulsa  

The Legend of Bagger Vance  

Mad Money 

Marrowbone 

Murder on the Orient Express 

The Ninth Gate 

Nothing but the Truth  

Ordinary People 

Rememory  

Rock ‘n’ Roll High School  

Sanctuary  

Shine a Light  

Soul Survivors  

Taboo  

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  

The TV Set  

The Virgin Suicides  

What Doesn’t Kill You  

Winter Passing  

World Trade Center  

Catch before it leaves in September: 

31 

Absolution  

Accident Man  

Aeon Flux 

After.Life 

Angel of Death 

Answer Man 

The Bang Bang Club 

Battle Royale 

Blood and Bone 

The Broken 

Cashmere Mafia  

Child 44 

Cleaner 

Cold Comes the Night 

Coming Soon 

The Connection 

Conspiracy  

The Cookout  

Critical Condition  

Dark Crimes  

The Death and Life of Bobby Z 

Death Proof 

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star 

Downhill Racer 

Dragged Across Concrete  

The Dresser  

The Duel 

Dummy 

Flight of Fury 

Flirting with Disaster  

The Foreigner  

Goat  

Gutshot Straight  

Halloween III: Season of the Witch  

The Hard Corps  

Hesher  

High Right 

Honeymoon  

The Hunt 

I Saw the Devil 

In the Mix 

Jason and the Argonauts 

Jeff, Who Lives at Home 

Jiri Dreams of Sushi  

Joe 

Journey to the West  

Kill ‘Em All 

A Kind of Murder 

The Kite Runner 

Lake Placid 2 

Lake Placid 3 

Last Resort 

The Lazarus Project 

Misconduct 

Mr. Church 

Mutant Chronicles 

Mythica: The Godslayer 

Mythica: The Iron Clown  

Never Back Down: No Surrender 

News Radio  

Noah 

Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior  

Ong Bak: The Beginning  

The Order 

Out for a Kill 

The Outcasts  

Phantoms 

Pistol Whipped 

The Protector 

Pulse (2001) 

Reprisal  

Return to the Blue Lagoon 

The River Murders  

The Romantics 

Second in Command 

Shadow Man 

Shattered  

The Shepherd 

Southside with You 

Space Station 76 

Square Pegs 

Standoff 

Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation  

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder 

Steel Dawn 

Substitute  

The Super  

SWAT: Under Siege 

The Terminal  

The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada  

Touchy Feely  

Trollhunter 

UFO 

Universal Solider: Day of Reckoning  

Vamps  

Vicky Cristina Barcelona  

Walking Tall: Lone Justice 

Warlock 

What Planet are You From?  

World’s Fastest Indian 

World’s Greatest Dad  

The Yellow Handkerchief  

Still streaming on Plex: 

2:22 

2 Days in New York 

21 Jump Street  

22 Bullets  

24 Hours to Live  

3rd Rock from the Sun 

6 Bullets  

99 Homes 

A Little Bit of Heaven 

A Walk in the Woods 

The Air I Breathe  

Alan Partridge 

ALF  

Alone in the Dark 

Amelie 

American Pastoral  

And Soon the Darkness 

Andromeda  

Are You Here 

Arthur and the Invisibles  

Awake 

Battle in Seattle 

Bernie 

Better Watch Out 

Black Death  

Blade of the Immortal 

Blitz 

The Brass Teapot 

Bronson 

The Brothers Bloom 

The Burning Plain 

But I’m a Cheerleader 

Cake  

Candy  

Catch .44 

Cell  

The Choice 

Clerks II 

Coherence  

The Collector  

Colonia  

Congo  

Cooties 

The Core 

The Cotton Club 

Crossing Lines  

Croupier  

Cube  

Cube 2 

Cube Zero 

Cyrano de Bergerac  

Death and the Maiden 

The Deep Blue Sea 

Deep Red 

Derailed 

Detachment 

The Devil’s Rejects  

Diary of the Dead 

District B13 

DOA: Dead or Alive 

Dr. T and the Women  

Eden Lake 

The Edge of Love  

The post Streaming on Plex: Best Movies and TV Shows You Can Watch for FREE in September appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[luzdelmundo]

2020 in review

I was tagged to do this by the loveliest @unefleurofferte, thank you for letting me reflect on my life and for sharing your thoughts, stories and insights to your life, it was such a worthwhile read! <3 

I am tagging @maailmaonsun, @dunedjarin & @vinylchemist, feel free to do it if you feel like it! Sending you hugs and lots of warmth, I hope your 2021 will be a great year to you 🥰

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 favourite films you watched in 2020:

This is a compilation has no particular order, but I did love them all. 

The Theory of Everything - I was a bit late to the party, but this movie was something special 

The Gentlemen - this movie has it all, a great piece of entertainment 

What Happened, Miss Simone? - such a powerful piece

Age of Adaline - I adore everything about this movie, even with many medical inaccuracies 

Happiest Season - because who doesn’t love a lesbian Christmas movie after the hardest year to date

5 favourite tv shows you watched in 2020:

This year tv shows were the main coping mechanism and I’m not even sorry about it. 

Killing Eve - do I need to say more? 

Haunting of Bly Manor -  Dani and Jamie are the blueprint, I love them with my whole heart 

Dead to me - this was my comfort show for the majority of 2020 

The Playbook: Coach’s rules for life - related to the subject of my studies, really helped me to come up with my own coaching philosophy 

Grey’s Anatomy - yes, really, I rewatched the whole thing 2 times this year 

5 favourite songs you listened to in 2020:

Spotlight by Jessie Ware - this songs takes me to another dimension, I love the ambience, it was also a song my friends called the ultimate aesthetic of mine

III by Foster The People - it’s one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard in my life, my heart belongs to that song

Sao Paolo by Lapti - the ultimate song for chilling, road trips, cooking and everything in between

Dog Years by Maggie Rogers - personal favourite for the 2nd year in a row, if I would ever describe my attachment style or love languages I would use this song 

seven by Taylor Swift - it was a song that made me realise certain childhood behaviours, it always makes me tear up and it is special, will always be 

Top 5 albums of 2020:

What’s your pleasure? by Jessie Ware - she has always been my favourite, and this album is truly something else. Best record of 2020, no doubt��about it 

- Ugh, those feels again by Snoh Alegra - she’s been my biggest discovery of 2020 and I’m so happy I found her 

Fine Line by Harry Styles - he is my sweetheart, this album was definitely one of my most listened 

The S(EX) Tapes by FLETCHER - a queer breakup album? It’s everything I never knew I needed 

Iridescent by Ayoni - such a wonderful vibe, 10/10 

Top 5 books you read in 2020:

2020 was definitely not a reading year for me and I can openly admit it, although there were some pieces I will treasure for a long time 

The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus - I love this man’s writing, it has been a favourite for a long time, but I kept coming back to this one to find the meaning for all that has happened 

The Rebel by Albert Camus - yes. another one from him. just because. 

Becoming by Michelle Obama - this is a Michelle Obama stan Tumblr 

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth - being gay and coming from a Catholic background made this read a hard one, but worth it 

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt - Donna Tartt, that is all. 

How did you spend your birthday this year?

I spent it with my best friend, we went hiking, we had tacos & margaritas. It was a nice relief and an escape from the pandemic reality. It felt great. I also had a small family celebration later that weekend. 

What was your most memorable day this year?

Getting into the sports coaching school. I came home from the office I had an internship, I was tired, I was in a crisis//survival mode, I was tired of business, of who I was. My life had little to no meaning anymore. I was a robot, I thought the world has very little to offer. Then I suddenly got an e-mail I got in. The entire world turned upside down. I am happier, I glow here, I belong here. It makes me cry having to think about it. It was the biggest blessing of 2020, hands down. 

What was your most memorable meal you had this year?

There were many, but I think the most memorable and meaningful one was when my best friend baked a Ukrainian cheesecake and embraced her heritage. Also, making hummus with my new flatmates after moving to the dorm was a big one. Also, shakshuka became my comfort meal of the year. 

Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine?

Quite some, yes! I started paining again, I became a plant mom and a gardening expert, I grew my own cucumbers and tomatoes. I started baking again and make aesthetic moodboards on Pinterest getting pretty big following!  It’s one of my favourite spare time activities now!

What was the last big event/thing you remember doing BC (before covid)?

Going clubbing with my friends, I miss going out and dancing my heart out. 

5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020:

Getting into my dream school!!!! I will be a sports performance coach, it still feels like an actual dream 

Going to therapy and dealing with personal problems, it was one of the best decision of my life 

Coming out to myself and living my truth

Losing the feeling of having to prove things to people

Learning that I can’t control everything and that it is okay. Life goes on. And it gets better.

Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year?

Life can change within seconds, everything flows and goes, it in constant movements. Your inner critic lies, it will be okay and you will find yourself, find your heart. Love is loud. Love is beautiful, love makes the world go round. Growth is hard, overwhelmingly hard, but it is so so so so worth it. Magic happens everyday. Your gut knows, trust it. Protecting your peace is crucial for your sanity. 

And what are you most looking forward to in 2021?

Living, simple as that. For me 2021 will be the year of presence - wherever I’ll be, I will be fully there. 

[tpwktaron]

My Quarantine Watchlist

hello! i hope this post finds you in good health. today i decided to go a little out of my category of what i usually post and make a movie watchlist. if you haven’t seen what i usually repost, i’m a huge movie buff, and are always adding new films to my watchlist. (you should add me on letterboxd! same username.) so, i compiled a list of my top 10 movies. some of them aren’t considered to be critically acclaimed, but they are still comforting and happy, especially during this rough time we are having. i hope you give these a try, and let me know what you think! disclaimer: i am not a movie expert! some terminology i use is definitely not correct lol. 

1. rocketman - dir. dexter fletcher, 89%

this movie really means so much to me, it’s definitely one of my absolute favorites. taron egerton does an absolutely amazing job as elton john, not just through his performance but his through his singing. yes, he sings the music as well! the music is also perfectly placed throughout the movie to tell the story of elton john’s life. 

synopsis: pretty self explanatory; a musical fantasy about the life of elton john.

2. onward - dir. dan scanlon - 87%

really awesome pixar movie! definitely a great movie for anyone who is a fan of animation, some of the most beautifully animated scenes i have ever seen! i guess that’s just pixar for you. 

synopsis: a teenage elf ian lightfoot and his brother barley are given a spell to bring their late father back to life, but when they mess up the first time, they have to go on a quest to find a phoenix gem to bring him back.

3. eddie the eagle - dir. dexter fletcher - 82%

another masterpiece by the dexter fletcher and taron egerton! this is my favorite movie of all time. it’s so heartwarming and motivating, it’s a great pick-me-up film for when i’m feeling down. taron egerton is definitely a chameleon actor, and can slip into any role with ease! him and hugh jackman have such great chemistry, and this movie easily displays that.

synopsis: based on a true story, olympics-bound eddie edwards trains for the winter olympics as a ski jumper, one of the most dangerous sports in the world, with help from his drunken “coach,” bronson peary.

4. lady bird - dir. greta gerwig - 99%

ugh. this movie. i can’t! when i first watched it it left me speechless. it’s an outstanding coming-of-age film, and a great mother-daughter film as well. christine and her mom’s relationship is hilariously heartwarming. another touch i love is the grainy filter throughout the movie. it was a great touch to add an early 2000′s feel! saoirse ronan’s performance was extraordinary. everything about this movie is 10/10, and i cannot recommend this movie enough, especially to teenagers heading off the college.

synopsis: marion mcpherson, a nurse, works tirelessly to keep her family afloat after her husband loses his job. she also maintains a turbulent bond with a teenage daughter who is just like her: loving, strong-willed and deeply opinionated.

5. love, simon - greg berlanti - 92%

love, simon is a perfectly made film to demonstrate the experience of coming out as a gay teen. it’s funny and witty, with some heart-warming yet heart-wrenching drama. i can’t explain it, but this movie makes me feel things i didn’t think i could feel. nick robinson is a great actor, and this movie got paid dust!! by everyone!!

synopsis: everyone deserves a great love story, but for 17-year-old simon spier, it’s a little more complicated. he hasn’t told his family or friends he’s gay, and he doesn’t know the identity of the anonymous classmate that he’s fallen for online. resolving both issues proves hilarious, terrifying, and life-changing.

6. jojo rabbit - dir. taika watiti - 80%

when i first saw this movie in the theater, i wasn’t sure if i was going to like it. i’m not a fan of war movies and violence, so i was a little uneasy. turns out this could possibly be one of the best movies of 2019! roman griffin davis is the best child actor i’ve ever seen. this movie is a wonderful depiction of anti-hate, and of what life was like for germany during world war II. it shows in a funny way how silly nazi views are. it creates humor over such a sensitive subject, yet you don’t feel bad for laughing!

synopsis: a world war II satire that follows a lonely german boy whose world view is turned upside down when he discovers his single mother is hiding a young jewish girl in their attic. aided only by his idiotic imaginary friend, adolf hitler, jojo must confront his blind nationalism.

7. little women - dir. greta gerwig - 95%

greta gerwig strikes again! she literally has never made a bad movie. this movie is based off of the famous novel little women. it has a star studded cast of timothee chalament, saoirse ronan, florence pugh, emma watson, and laura dern. the power of women!!

synopsis: in the years after the civil war, jo march lives in new york and makes her living as a writer, while her sister amy studies painting in paris. amy has a chance encounter with theodore, a childhood crush who proposed to jo but was ultimately rejected. their oldest sibling, meg, is married to a schoolteacher, while shy sister beth develops a devastating illness that brings the family back together.

8. the greatest showman - dir. michael gracey - 56%

my favorite original musical movie. hugh jackman is such an amazing singer and actor! this movie was one of the first movies that really turned me into a true film admirer. the music has some of the most beautifully written lyrics i know, and it’s a great family movie! it’s intense, yet happy, yet sad, yet exciting, yet every single emotion one person could feel. 

synopsis: growing up in the early 1800s, p.t. barnum displays a natural talent for publicly and promotion, selling lottery tickets by age 12. after trying his hands at various jobs, p.t. turns to show business to indulge his limitless imagination, rising form nothing to create the barnum & bailey circus. 

9. bohemian rhapsody - dir. bryan singer - 60%

although it may have it’s inaccuracies here and there, this movie is still heartwarming and conveys a heartwarming message and moral. rami malek performs as freddie mercury wonderfully, and the chemistry between the cast is indescribable. and what takes the cake? the live-aid re-enactment at the end of the movie, with the band’s mannerisms and everything recreated to the t. 

synopsis: freddie mercury - lead singer of queen - defies stereotypes and convention to become one of history’s most beloved entertainers. the band’s revolutionary sound and popular songs lead to queen’s meteoric rise in the 1970s. after leaving the group to pursue a solo career, mercury reunites with queen for the benefit concert live aid - resulting in one of the greatest performances in rock ‘n’ roll history.

10. anchorman - dir. adam mckay - 66%

my favorite comedy of all time. will ferrell, steve carrell, and paul rudd are all my favorite comedians, so this movie speaks to me. it’s hilariously stupid, but i still love it and recommend it to everyone i know.

synopsis: hotshot television anchorman ron burgandy welcomes upstart reporter veronica corningstone into the male-dominated world of 1970s broadcast news - that is, until the talented female journalist begins to outshine burgandy on air.

[languagebraindump]

Why am I even learning?

I keep asking myself that question all the time. Sometimes I just forget why I put so much effort and time to learn something that doesn’t show any immediate and tangible results. If you google “why learn foreign languages,” you’ll get tons of headlines advocating learning a foreign language. But the reality is slightly different. Why bother then?

Once you learn a language you can get any job you want (my ass!)

When I started undergrad language school I was passionate; I had an aim; I knew why I was going there. While the first year was really exciting, later on, I started having some doubts. The one question that I heard almost all the time was: “what are you going to do when you graduate?” Well, I can do a lot of things, right? People say that languages are extremely important all the time and once you know a language you can conquer the world. But, why couldn’t I really say anything so pompous? The two options I had were: teaching or translating. That’s it. So… where are the other benefits? Universities around the world (most of them) have nothing more to offer. Only these two career paths require exquisite language proficiency. If you want to show off your superb language skills somewhere else you need to pair a language major with another, more practical major and that leads us to the next downside.

New language = new abilities?

That’s what people have in mind. Whenever they ask me “How do I say X in English/Japanese” and I say: “Well, I don’t know,” they are extremely shocked. Why? How is that even possible? I studied for so long I should know EVERY SINGLE word in my second/third language. But wait a second! Does this mean you (the inquirer) know EVERY SINGLE word (+ what they represent in real life) in your native language? I don’t think it works that way. People very often think language learners suddenly become experts in fields they’re not familiar with in their native languages. That’s extremely frustrating. I can’t handle a professional conversation with my physician in my native language; why should I be able to do that in my second language? Knowing a foreign language doesn’t make you an expert in any field of study.

Where are the benefits then?

There are! Trust me! They are not tangible, you can’t show them, you can only talk about them and your listeners just need to believe you’re saying the truth.

Benefit #1

The process of learning a foreign language makes you reflect on your own culture and forces you to learn your native language anew. Culture, huh? Yes! Culture is reflected in words, sentences, phrases, and clauses (even morphemes). The way we speak, the words we use show a lot about your homeland. Learning my native language? What’s that about? Well, it’s always better to understand the grammar of your native language before learning a foreign grammar. The end results? You brush up on your own culture and language; you learn a new culture and language. Along the way you are constantly comparing the two so, it is inevitable to reflect on our own surroundings, acting, and way of thinking.

Benefit #2

Meeting new people! Kind of cliched, I know. But it is a benefit. New people mean knowledge and new inspirations. New inspirations mean new passions. New passions mean a reason to live! Some of you might think it’s a bit exaggerated, but it is not. You just need to find the right people and you’ll see yourselves.

Benefit #3

Resources and entertainment. You gain access to resources that haven’t been translated to your native language. So much knowledge! Books, novels, movies, TV shows, research papers, tutorials, you name it! Access to foreign resources speeds up your learning process, can help you work faster, looking for problem solutions is easier,  movies are more enjoyable because you can actually hear the original emotions and admire the actors’ real craft (+ the action scenes with no subtitles are much better).

Keep learning! There are more benefits! If you ever start doubting the usefulness of learning a foreign language, remember that effects don’t have to be visible and tangible. The change that happens in you is good enough a reward to continue studying!