#if nothing else the fact that i feel SEEN to the point of discomfort by like 4/5 of brian murphy's characters

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

For the ask thing: is there a media (written, film, series...) you're really into right now?

Whelp, I doubt any of my followers managed to avoid noticing the giant Dimension 20-shaped hole I fell into like half a year back, and it's currently airing the third season of the silliest sweetest High School drama and these characters have my entire heart. I've not been that well for a while I think, and watching both people in their thirties just be very close friends and also watching the very thight-knit teenagers they're playing is giving me so much serotonin by proxy. It is addictive and frankly a bit of a problem, but I do really recommend it, everything they do is so fascinating narratively and I think it's taught me a lot about writing.

It's also invigorated a dormant trait of my personality which is that I was apparently abnormally into Grimm's fairy tales even for a German child? This comes up every now and again and then I immediately forget it but I've been really wanting to buy a copy and read some of them again, dark confusing fairy tales are my absolute catnip and maybe I could actually do it on purpose for once.

[fangsandfeels]

I've seen the "Non-ascended Astarion ending is bad for him because you have to persuade him to reject the ritual" opinion...

..implying that he never really wanted not to ascend, it's you the player who selfishly forces him to give up on his goal. To prove their point, they state that you can get a good ending out of all other companion's quests without using Persuasion at all, except for Astarion.

And boy did I want to talk about this...

(In fact, everything I wanted to say has already been told in this amazing meta post, but I still gotta ramble)

First of all, Astarion was going through an intense PTSD. The game gave him a debuff to show how badly going back to the place of his torment was affecting him. Larian couldn't make it more obvious that he wasn't thinking clearly.

Second, there is one thing all abusers have in common: they destroy their victim's feelings of self-worth to the point, the victim no longer wants or knows how to ask for help or have relationships outside their abusive circle.

Who would want you like this? Look at yourself, you think you're better than me? You're nothing. Who would want to waste their time on you? You think somebody else would treat you better?

Since entering the Cazador's palace, Astarion is reliving his worst moments. Initially, he takes it in stride, hiding his discomfort underneath performative and emotional expressiveness. He talks about how he spent time in the bedrooms where he never did any sleeping, about the kennels where he was tortured, about the barracks where he was sent to when he "deserved neither carrot nor stick". Bad memories, but he shares them with Tav because he trusts them with his scars already. They might as well know the rest.

But after descending into the dungeon, Astarion starts spiraling into self-loathing at a break-neck speed. He used to think that all Cazador victims he ever brought to him were long gone, drained, and discarded. A horrible, undeserved death, yet the thought of them not having to suffer for too long was a small consolation, one of the threads holding his sanity together.

But then it turns out that they weren't dead. They were turned. Locked away deep underground, alone with their new selves, with the hunger and isolation. They did suffer. All these years, they suffered, buried in this tomb - because of him. Cazador may have turned them, but it was Astarion who brought them to him. And they remembered it. They recognized him. The monster who stole them from their home. The monster who ruined their life. Monster. Just like Cazador.

So, as if his PTSD wasn't enough, this revelation was another blow to his grip on himself, his perception of himself. His confident facade was shattering - and in his head, he was starting to think that Tav's idea of him, of who he is, was shattering as well. He tried to warn them before. He said he couldn't be what they saw in him. Whatever person they believed him to be had never existed - and Tav was finally coming to realize that as they walked through the gallery of his sins, looking his victims in the eyes and hearing out what they had to say. Of course, Tav hated him now. They had to. How could they not?

So, at the end, he is scared. Terrified. He bit off more than he could chew by walking into the manor and thinking he had only six fellow spawns to deal with. He saw their lives as a small price to pay because Cazador made sure to erase any solidarity between them. He made them torture each other and compete with each other. He twisted the very meaning of family bonds to his perverted liking, and he knew that by doing so, he would make sure every single one of them would get a whiplash from anyone trying to mention family in a positive connotation. Astarion takes no issue with getting rid of his "brothers" and "sisters" because he is fully aware that had the roles been reversed, they would have sacrificed him without a second thought. And he was certain that Tav would change their mind once they learned more about his brethren.

But the spawns in the dungeon...All the faces he remembered. All the lovers he lured. They did nothing wrong. They never hurt him. They never tortured him. Their only mistake was to trust him.

The revelation horrifies him. His first response is to be shocked, overwhelmed with emotion - and then he has to remind himself that sacrifices must be made. He feigns indifference. He tries to cover his internal conflict with gallows humor. But his flippant mask keeps slipping as he lapses from indifference to anger, to guilt, to begging Tav not to hate him as his greatest crimes glare back at him and claw at him, shouting out threats and seething with hatred.

He can't bear the thought of dealing with all the people whose lives he helped to destroy. He can't do anything for them. Just killing Cazador won't undo what he did to them. He will never be anything but a monster in their eyes. And this is what he deserves to be. He will always be reminded of what he is.

He has no choice but to do the Ritual.

He has no idea what will happen to him after he is done - he isn't a planner. He has never been. But at this point, he doesn't see his soul as something worthy of preserving - and by association, he extends that to other spawns. He knows it all too well because he remembers how it felt. He dissociates, projecting everything he hated about himself onto Cazador's victims, trying to rationalize why he should live and why they must die while he actively avoids the truth.

Completing the ritual is no longer about being free. Or protecting himself and his lover. It's about running away. Even when Astarion has Cazador at his mercy, he still thinks of running away. Getting lost forever. So nobody could ever hurt him.

A part of him even realizes that it means running away from Tav too. But Tav can leave, he naively thinks, not knowing the full consequences of the ritual. Tav will leave to find someone else, someone better, and he will start everything anew, a king of his castle.

So, of course, Tav has to reach out to him through that thick haze of fear, anger, and self-hatred. Persuasion isn't about strongarming someone into doing what you want. It's not subjugation or emotional blackmail. It's reasoning with someone. And that is exactly what Tav does - reasons with Astarion after watching him mentally struggle, after seeing his genuine shock and fear, after understanding that he isn't fully on board with the idea.

It's true, vampire spawns tend to gravitate toward power, especially if nothing is pulling them back. A vampire spawn is a feared and scorned creature - it no longer matters whether they were an unwilling victim, forcefully taken and turned. They are seen not as an individual but as the extension of their master - and the only natural transition for them is to get on the top of the food chain. The only way to make a name and become treated as something more.

Astarion saw power as the mean to safety and freedom, first and foremost. Ironically, he never planned beyond securing these two priorities. He never saw himself after accomplishing his goals, and it's kinda amazing how people can make conclusions about his hedonism because he misses petty vanities, wants to drink blood from a goblet, and sleep on silken sheets. The man who was held and tortured in the kennels, fed rats, and had to stitch and fix his only set of clothes over and over to keep it presentable, the man who has never felt happy for most of his conscious non-life is called hedonistic for wanting nice things. For still wanting to take care of himself for once.

He wasn't harboring any grand plans, conquests, or schemes. Even his idea of taking control of the Absolute was abstract and shapeless because he didn't care about getting control over the most influential people as much as he was afraid of breaking whatever protected him from Cazador's domination. He never really knew what to do with power aside from keeping Cazador and the likes of him at bay.

The way Astarion behaves in a relationship also speaks tons of how controlling he really is...or how he isn't controlling at all. When his romance with Tav transforms into something real, and he enters a new territory, Astarion is empowered to make decisions and think about what he wants instead of pleasuring others. It's clear that he and Tav don't have sex after they come clear about their feelings. Tav respects his comfort and boundaries, gives him all the time he needs, and lets him take the lead. Whether they will have sex again or not is entirely up to Astarion. Whatever he decides, it won't change Tav's feelings for him. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

Astarion enjoys this new autonomy. He is playful, affectionate, outspoken...and afraid of messing everything up. If Tav mentions breaking up, Astarion thinks he is the problem. If there is another potential love interest showing they have eyes for Tav, Astarion encourages Tav to be with them because he believes they can give Tav everything he can't. When Tav says "I choose you," Astarion is taken aback, needing a moment to hide his genuine confusion at Tav actually wanting to be with him rather than Gale, Karlach, or Halsin.

For all his talks of control and dominating others, once Astarion finds himself with a lover who values his autonomy more than getting power at the cost of his dignity, who makes it safe for him to be honest, and who listens to him, he almost stops mentioning control. He merely lives in the moment, happy not to know, not to pretend, not to manipulate. Just to be.

What Astarion truly craves - not wants on a superficial level, not conditioned to want - is not to be a vampire lord. He wants the freedom to be anything. Anything he wants. Little does he know that true vampires rarely get to be anything they want, even if they gain the ability to walk in the sun -- we see it in his Ascended path as, instead of acting up on his supposed freedom to be anything, Astarion repeats Cazador's rules step by step. Just like Cazador did. Just like Verlioth did. He isn't anything he wants. He is the replica of his former master.

Astarion never had the luxury to explore who he wanted to be outside what Cazador made him. He only makes his first steps once he is free. We see glimpses of that deep-seated aspiration to be seen as a person. Treated like a person. Loved like a person. To be reflected in someone's eyes. He wants to know if there is someone beneath his usual mask, something his, not tainted by Cazador. Someone real. And at the same time, he dreads to know the answer. Because that part of him knows regret. Knows shame. Knows guilt. Confronting it posed the risk of realizing he didn't deserve love, kindness, or a future. What if real him truly doesn't amount to anything? What else for him to do?

So, he tells himself that he has no choice, and he expects Tav to affirm it -- not because he wants them to, but because he believes that Tav has seen enough to make the same conclusion. However, Tav objects, trying to be louder than all the inner demons hissing into his ears. Tav speaks to the Astarion, who asked them what they saw when they looked at him. The Astarion, who thanked them for standing by his side when he said "No" to Araj. The Astarion one who stood frozen in their hug before returning it tentatively. The Astarion who diligently, dedicatedly, caringly kept pulling himself together instead of letting himself unravel completely.

Tav reminds him that this Astarion, right here, right now, is worth fighting for. That he didn't survive all these years of torture, pain, humiliation, and dehumanization to give himself up now. He already has the power to avenge himself, avenge all Cazador's victims. He can end everything right here, right now - and this is the only power to free him. He has the power (and responsibility) of having a choice.

Tav empathizes with other spawns as victims not because they're more "innocent" than Astarion, but because associating with them doesn't brand Astarion as weak or broken. These spawns aren't horrible wretches, and neither is he. They don't deserve this, and neither did he.

The only one who deserves to die today is Cazador - the vampire, the monster, the pathetic piece of shit.

Astarion Ancunin deserves to live.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/748370073567313920/i-think-for-me-one-of-the-big-stumbling-blocks-i

People in the replies are jumping to a lot of really obnoxious conclusions about anon that really just ultimately illustrate anon’s point.

There’s all this stuff that is *assuming* anon is pro censorship when they never say anything like that (and in fact, i thought they suggested the opposite). They’re talking about how sex positivity and anti-anti attitudes get weaponized or misused in some fandom spaces to make people feel like it’s wrong for them to be squeamish and want to *personally* avoid men who are really vocal about their love of lolicon and slavery isekai, because guys who are that vocal about it have in their experience, tended to have that reflect real world attitudes.

I think it’s good to point out that plenty of people like these things privately and you’ll never know, and it’s the being super vocal about it around uninterested people that’s the red flag here. But people just assuming that anon holds every attitude they associate with some stereotypical anti, and that their message indicates some thinking to BE CAREFUL! about… really just proves their point that a lot of people have a bad tendency to only see this in terms of how things work in their particular corner of fandom, and don’t recognize how what can mean one thing in one, primarily female and queer space, doesn’t necessarily translate well to a space with a lot of entitled cis dudes. Assuming that personal discomfort with certain kinds of fiction automatically translates into being pro censorship (what) when that person said nothing else to indicate that, is one such assumption.

(Also one person was trying to suggest it was racist of anon to “single out hentai”… maybe the reason they mentioned hentai is because they’re *specifically* talking about anime fandom?!?)

Idk, it doesn’t help proshippers if we can’t see anything except via the narrow lens of pro vs anti fights on Tumblr and AO3, be able to advocate our positions. We are aware of how fandom blinders can blinker people in the opposite direction—antis who don’t recognize that rhetoric that they think is just all about shipping is also used by right wing activists to advocate banning books and drag shows—but it’s true in both directions.

Being uncomfortable with a lot of “sex positivity” rhetoric because you’ve mostly seen it used to tell you you’re wrong to be uncomfortable with dudes who are super outspoken and pushy about their porn habits is a really common experience for lefty women IME, both outside of fandom and in fandom spaces with more cis dudes. Most women I’ve met like that are vocally anti censorship, it’s about being able to take charge of their personal boundaries and not have them shamed. Proshippers pushing them away by loading more unhelpful and inaccurate judgments on them aren’t helping them and are just shrinking their movement, making it more likely it’ll be dismissed as just “very online fandom drama” (and if you’re that clueless, are they wrong, really?)

Also it’s just helpful to better understand why some people might find your enemies’ arguments more initially compelling than they should be.

--

"Sexual liberation means sex with me specifically" was a plague in the 70s from what I hear, and I'm sure it has been a thing forever.

[exceptionimagines]

Lying In Wait

(Not my gif)

(Changing the meeting scenario yet again so enjoy this little post that contains the old one: not the one where you have a boyfriend.)

- Have you ever seen a hawk in person? Not in a zoo or an aviary: somewhere where they're caged and confined to one area, stripped of the necessity to act according to nature. No, I mean seeing one completely out in the wild, being in the woods or even your own backyard when it just suddenly ...appears.

- Because that's what they do. They simply appear. If you live in an area where they're common, where they typically frequent, you learn what to look out for, what the tell-tale signs of their presence are. You don't hear them, but you do hear what comes in preparation of them: the utter silence of everything around you. One minute the sparrows are chittering noisily, and the next they're dead silent; like they can feel them in the wind.

- It creates a tangible feeling. A pin prickling sensation that tells you that, regardless of whether or not you are bigger or stronger than them, there is something out there in the wild, watching, and waiting and hunting. If you look hard enough, you might just find them, but it won't be before they've found you: their piercing eyes immediately pinning you down in place. There's something about their gaze that's chilling: beautiful, and wild, and calculated; almost to a point that's beyond your understanding.

- That's what it feels like when you meet Jerry Dandridge for the first time. Like you're locked in the gaze of something predatory: something foreign and dangerous. Something that is simply lying in wait, lingering in plain sight until the perfect moment to strike.

- It's why you're baffled when all of your neighbors are seemingly charmed by him: having nothing to say but good things whenever he comes up in conversation. You're not denying the fact that he's an attractive man, anyone with eyes will quickly realize that he's closer to a model than a regular person, but you're somewhat unnerved by the fact that no one else seems to notice how ...odd he is.

- Admittedly, when you first began avoiding him, it was entirely because he was so attractive. You're a reserved person, someone who typically keeps to themselves and the thought of approaching the statuesque figure of your newest neighbor; of attempting to endure an entire conversation without making a fool of yourself, is daunting, to say the least. Forget about letting him into your home and entertaining him one on one....

- But it was because of your avoidance that Jerry began to take an interest in you. Everyone else in your quiet suburb had welcomed him with open arms, making it all too easy to gain access to them and their homes, but nothing he did seemed to convince you to trust him; to convince you to let him inside. He isn't used to having to try so hard; especially not with someone who fits his main demographic, so he finds himself determined to wear you down; while also trying to figure you out in the process.

- You'll find yourself being pulled into conversations with him, being interrupted with knocks on your door early in the night or with offers of assistance whenever you seemingly need it. You rarely indulge him by accepting but it doesn't deter him from trying again another day, embarrassing you with all of the attention and the special treatment.

- Anyone who witnesses his actions will smile at you "knowingly", tease you about how Jerry's seemingly taken a liking to you and how lucky you are because of it. They look at you with envy; eyes blazing when he excuses himself from them in favor of approaching you, but their envy makes them oblivious, makes them blind to your discomfort.

- You don't understand why he's so intent on getting to know you, why it seems to matter so much to him that he has your approval and that you consider him a friend. There's something so ...artificial about it. About the way that he smiles and tries to connect with you, like his actions are a means to an end rather than a genuine desire for connection. And the longer his attempts to draw you in continue, the stranger he begins to behave....

- As smart as Jerry is, when it comes to you, he sort of creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you refuse his bids for connection; the longer you treat him like the wolf in sheep's clothing that he is, the more frustrated and certain that he becomes: certain that you're onto him and that you've somehow realized that there is something inherently wrong with him.

- It's the frustration that makes him sloppy. The impatience that he feels when continuously being denied access to you. The carefully constructed facade begins to slip, and the atmosphere begins to change. He grows desperate and that desperation is palpable.

- He sorts through every trick in his book, hopping erratically from one thing to another, hoping that something sticks and makes you finally take to him like everyone else. He's scrambling to get you to trust him, to want him, to reach out to him, but nothing seems to be working, not like it usually does. Which only makes him want you even more.

- There's a thrill in the hunt, in being found out and sensing the fear that fills his prey once they finally realize what they're dealing with. It's a game of cat and mouse, one that he always ends up winning, and the anticipation of it is both infuriating and intoxicating. He deems you a worthy opponent and that's part of what keeps you alive. He needs a chance to stake you out, to try and figure out exactly how much you know, and how dangerous a little thing like you can be; not that he genuinely thinks that you could ever beat him.

- A part of him is intrigued by the fact that you've figured him out so quickly: that you sniffed him out from the get-go; never once faltering in your distrust. Your neighbors assure him that you're just shy, but your eyes hold the truth: the shifting discomfort that he's used to seeing when he starts picking off residents one by one.

- At first he finds your avoidance alluring. You're his perfect victim: someone who isolates themselves; unused to attention and affection. He works best with people who are crying out for something more, people who are different and yearning for someone to understand. People who are vulnerable and easy to forget about.

- But then you just don't break. You continue to keep your walls up and remain unobtainable, and it's so ...different. Frustrating, of course, but different, and different is exciting.

- Admittedly, you find him exciting as well. The attention is initially quite flattering, and though you try not to read too far into it, it feels nice to be noticed; especially by an attractive man like himself. Though, the more he notices you, the more you start feeling like he's actually kind of a creep. You're gearing more towards sex offender than creature of the night, of course; maybe a serial killer Ted Bundy style, but it's his unusual strangeness that gives you pause.

- Boundaries aren't usually in the vocabulary of men like him, so it surprises you when he refuses to enter your home, seemingly itching for you to let him in; straining against the door frame, yet never crossing the threshold himself. ...And that's just the start of it....

- It takes you a little while to realize it, to figure out why the hairs on the backs of your arms start to stand up at random, skin crawling with sudden anxiety. When you finally do, it's because you've realized that the animals of your home have become palpably tense, perfectly still and quiet for no reason, like there's something there that bothers them. But there's nothing, nothing at all and you coo at them in confusion, trying to get them to relax ...until the doorbell suddenly rings...

- Jerry materializes out of nowhere, gone one moment and right next to you the next; stepping just that tad bit too close whenever no ones around to see it. He never appears in the daylight, and it's not the whole "I work nights" thing either. He doesn't leave his house during the day, sure, but he does leave it in the evening, yet only when there's cloud cover; when the sun is low enough in the sky that you can't see it over the houses or feel the warmth of it's presence. It all makes you start to wonder....

- You feel ridiculous claiming that your neighbor is a vampire; even when it's only spoken to yourself. You feel ridiculous doing your research, of being afraid of the dark like a little kid, thinking about all of the monsters that go bump in the night. You resent the fact that you're scared of the setting sun, that you're scared of braving just a few steps outside your door, that you've developed a habit of going over all your belongings twice just to ensure that you haven't forgotten anything before going in for the night.

- Oh god, your phone.

- Your phone that's sitting in the center console of your car, plugged in and charging since you drained the battery at work; not sitting nicely in your bag as per usual. It has your work schedule, it has your alarm, it has a handful of other important things that you need before you go to bed, but it's already dark out: dark and quiet and completely abandoned. You contemplate if you really need it, then you curse yourself for being so stupid. The answer is yes, yes you really need it, so you scope out the area and hype yourself up, walking on two nervous legs as you quickly make your way over to your car.

- Your phone is right where you left it and you quickly grab it, moving to shut your car door before you happen a glance up and immediately still in place, noticing a figure standing in the distance. You think to run back to your front door as quickly as possible but you just can't do it. You're not sure which outcome will be better for you. When you're alone in a dark forest, unsure of what is out there and how hostile it might be, do you call out for help or do you remain silent?

- You stay perfectly still, eyes locked on the dripping red that's stained across Jerry's mouth, being hurriedly wiped from his lips as he begins walking away from the car that he just came from. It only takes him a moment to sense your presence and he doesn't even do you the justice of pretending to look around, of pretending he doesn't immediately know exactly where you are, his eyes locking on your figure as he begins to come to a stop.

- He watches you intently, reading your expression as you simply stand and stare, frozen in place as he tilts his head and starts to smirk. The expression makes your stomach drop, the satisfaction in it, the vagueness of it's cause. He begins walking towards you, and the idea of running crosses your mind yet again. Yet your legs no longer listen to the pleas, completely immobile, weak and quivering as he stops a few feet away from you, studying you as you stand there stupidly, clutching your oh so important phone in hand.

"You're not usually out this late," He comments and it takes you a moment to respond, to will your tongue to move and your lips to purse and press and open. "I would know."

"I forgot...I forgot my phone." You finally answer, swallowing thickly as Jerry merely continues to smile. He knows that he has you right where he wants you; even you know that: that you're cornered and helpless, and that nothing you do will change that.

- He closes the distance and you tense even further, close to trembling as he leans in and nearly brushes against you, gently closing your car door and leaning against it as he inhales deeply. He studies your face up close, taking in every nervous tick and twitch and freckle. And then he finally speaks....

"You better get to bed." He tells you, and it takes you a while to process what he's saying. It only makes him smile wider, watching you buffer in response to his comment.

- You know he's telling you to start walking to your door, and all you can think is that this is it: that you'll turn your back and he'll pounce. But it's all you have left to do, to buckle up and endure it, to knowingly take the walk towards nothingness and face it head on. You swallow hard as you turn away from him, screwing your eyes together tightly and willing yourself to accept it.

- Every second ticks by agonizingly slowly once you begin the trek to your door. You wait to feel him grab you, to sink his teeth into your flesh at any minute and tear you from this Earth in one fell swoop. But when you get to your door without an issue, you happen a glance behind you and find him gone. You go inside safe and sound, collapsing to the ground and panting wildly as you try to calm yourself, clutching your phone so tightly that you're surprised it doesn't break.

- It is now, without a fraction of a doubt, that you realize that Jerry is a vampire: the tragedy of this being that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You and Jerry both know that this is the case, that you're powerless to stop him, and that nothing you can do will give you any sort of leverage against him. If you tell anyone, they'll think you're crazy. If you attempt to arm yourself, you risk the chance of endangering yourself even further with faulty stereotypes. You're all alone in this, and you haven't the slightest idea of what to do, if there even is anything for you to do.

- Waiting. That's what you're forced to resort to. Sitting and waiting for the moment to come when Jerry finally decides to deal with you; to resolve the stand still that the two of you have recently come to....

- He seems to find it all very satisfying: watching you try and anticipate his actions; squirming under his gaze with both fear and the urge to act out. He takes pleasure in provoking you, in reminding you of your shared secret and the obliviousness of the people around you: smiling at you mockingly and trying to spur you into doing or saying something in front of your mutual neighbors that will make you seem like the crazy one. A reminder that no matter what you do, no matter what the truth is, you'll never be able to warn or convince anyone, and you'll never be able to save them from him....

- Unluckily for you, or perhaps luckily, Jerry finds your scent intoxicating: it's a big part of what keeps you alive for so long. He wants to play with you, to make the most of your time together and to indulge in the exquisite aroma of your fear. Though it isn't just your fear that attracts him. Soon, everything about you becomes intoxicating, and it leads to a small obsession: one that causes him to grow bolder and more bothersome than ever....

- It's this emboldened behavior that causes you to confront him and subsequently jumpstart your future relationship.

- You've tried keeping your family away from you for as long as possible, not wanting to risk their safety by having them come over to your home and potentially run into your vampiric neighbor. But at some point, your excuses stop working and you find yourself being ambushed with a visit, one you try your hardest to end before the sun begins to set. Unfortunately for you, it doesn't end up happening, and as you gather the last of your mothers things, you hear her begin to converse with someone outside.

- You rush out into your front lawn and feel your anger surge as you catch your mother laughing and talking to the man that you so desperately wanted her to avoid. You usher her to her car as quickly as possible, blood boiling as they continue to call out pleasantries to one another. She teases you about your attractive neighbor as she sits behind the wheel, urging you to shoot your shot before she sends him one last wave and a wink, driving out of your neighborhood as you stand there and seethe.

"What was that?" You growl at him, quickly closing in on the man as he simply smiles at you. You're furious, furious that he spoke to her, that he purposefully left his home to make sure that the two of them met.

"I think that was your mothers attempt at getting us together. I have to admit, I have thought about it myself-" He replies teasingly before you interrupt him.

"What do you want from me?" You growl, pushing at his chest and forcing him backwards. You're so fed up, so caught up in the high wired emotions that have built and built for the past few weeks that you don't even care about the consequences anymore. If you were more relaxed, you probably would have been surprised by how easily he went along with you, how he let you act as you as though you even held a candle to his strength.

"Easy." He breathes at you, chuckling with amusement as he takes in your anger, his teeth glinting in the low light of the evening.

"What do you want from me?" You seethe, hands gripping tightly to his shirt sleeves as you hold him against your garden gate.

"What do you think I want?" He smiles, hands coming up to tease at your flesh, returning your touch as he catches your arms and steadies both of your positions. His eyes twinkle, as if he's enjoying this entire thing.

"I don't care about what your plans for me are. I don't care if you want to sit around like a creep and torment me: ring my doorbell at all hours of the night and stand in my garden like Michael Myers. I mean it, I don't care. Just stay the hell away from my family. They have nothing to do with this." You hiss, disregarding the way he raises his eyebrows at your choices of words and the way that he licks his lips, entertained by your ferocious display.

- You pull away from him, arms jerking angrily from his grasp before you're immediately pulled right back in. It's only then that the severity of your actions begin to dawn on you: the swiftness of his grasp shocking you; the strength of it making it increasingly obvious that he let you move him and not that you managed it on your own.

"You know. I really think we got off on the wrong foot," He says with a smile, almost joking in his delivery of the line. He furrows his brows when he begins speaking again, nodding at you as if to implore you to agree. "I think this has gone on long enough, don't you think?"

- The words send a chill down your spine, and you watch as he breathes in deeply, inhaling the air around you before he shivers, pulling you closer as you struggle against him, trying to squirm away. You tense as he leans in, sniffing along the column of your throat as you remain momentarily paralyzed. He ends it with a flourish, faltering inches from your lips, close enough that you feel as though he's about to kiss you, his breath hitting your face.

- You catch his blackened eyes, catch a glimpse of his growing teeth, and your brain seems to finally catch up with you, realizing what's about to happen just in time for you to do something about it. He opens his mouth in preparation just as you fish the crucifix out of your pocket and shove it against his cheek. He quickly whips his head away, momentarily releasing you as he hisses, the holy metal searing into his skin and giving you enough of a distraction to get away.

- He wants to go after you immediately, but he's quickly drawn to the sound of a neighbor who's leaving their house: one who's just seen what's happened and is standing paralyzed in shock at the sight of "charming" Jerry who's just seemingly assaulted you. He turns to the man as he clutches his cheek, smiling at him as he tries to play it cool.

"Lovers quarrel." He jokes, but he can immediately see that the man doesn't believe him. He quickly heads over to your door, watching as they hurriedly go inside their own home and undoubtedly begin to tell their wife what they've seen. He knows that he can't get away with disposing of Mr. Brenner and his family, that the town will quickly notice and that it will compromise his cover, so the only choice he has left is to use you.

"Y/n, we need to talk," He knocks on your door, speaking quietly through the wood; knowing that you're able to hear him even though you don't respond. "You're a smart girl, y/n, and I'm not just saying that. It isn't easy to get away from me so consider me impressed."

"Since you're a smart girl, I want to make a deal with you. You go over to the Brenner's house, you tell them that we had a little argument and that everything is fine, that it was a misunderstanding between boyfriend and girlfriend, ...and you'll save yours and that entire family's lives. All you have to do is play along. And I think that's better than the alternative, don't you?" Well you don't have much of a choice, now do you?

- You slowly open the door, peering at him warily as you do your best to pull yourself together. He smiles at you, praising you for making the better decision as you step outside and begin walking across the street. You knock on the Brenner's door, forcing a smile onto your face as the older man answers. Once he see's that its you, he asks if you're alright, visibly becoming relieved when you assure him that you are.

- You do your best to act a bit embarrassed as you explain the story that you've been told to give to him: telling him that you and Jerry had a bit of a fight, that you're actually kind of seeing each other, and that things just got a little heated. You apologize for scaring him and the fact that he had to see all of that, sharing a laugh as he insists that it's fine and that he was just worried you were in danger. You both say goodnight and you make your way back to Jerry who's standing on your porch.

"Aren't you gonna invite me in?" He asks, glancing over to Mr. Brenner who's watching you through his window, seemingly still a bit suspicious. You hesitate, not thinking that allowing him access to your safe space would ever be a part of the deal.

"Of course." You insist phonily, smiling at him as though your stomach isn't completely in knots, opening your door and letting him enter your home for the first time since meeting him....

- Now that you're "officially" a couple, you're forced to act along whenever you're in front of your neighbors. You're forced to pretend as though nothing is wrong as Jerry pulls you into him, kissing and cuddling you in order to make this act of yours convincing. You don't think it's as much of a burden to him as it is to you. Frankly, you think he actually enjoys it.

- A lot of the time, he acts as though this arrangement of yours is more than that: that you're genuinely a couple or; at the very least, that he isn't forcing your hand. You find yourself beginning to struggle when trying to differentiate between all of your feelings for Jerry: where your obligation to him ends and your genuine attraction to him begins.

- Jerry is naturally magnetic. His presence is erosive, stripping you down to your weakest state and jumbling your nerves. There's a fine line between hunger and lust, and Jerry's personality embodies this line; creating this palpable desire that burns you up on the inside. You hate that he has an effect on you, but you cannot deny that it is there, and that very fact keeps you up at night.

- One evening, you get a knock on your door and when you open it, you're met with the Brenner's eldest son. He's hushed when he tells you that he knows what's going on with Jerry, that he knows you're not a couple, and that the two of you can work together to stop him. You want so badly to divulge everything, to grasp onto your only current ally and finally admit the truth that you've had to keep secret for so long. But you can't.

- You look at him, look at his baby fat and his nervous eyes, at the promise of a future that's written all over his face. You look at him and you lie. You tell him that you know what things may look like but that it's not really the case. That you believed it for a minute there too, but that Jerry isn't anything and that you're in a happy relationship with him.

- He tries to insist that he knows the truth, to tell you that you don't have to be afraid, but you simply shake your head; giving him a reassuring smile as you tell him to believe you: hoping that you're either convincing him or that your behavior is enough to make him comprehend the danger that's at hand. You see the look in his eyes before you feel Jerry behind you.

"Talking about me?" He asks, voice lighthearted and teasing but you're smart enough to sense the edge.

"Just clearing things up." You tell him, smiling back at him and towards the boy standing on your front step.

"Good, good. ...Have a goodnight Daniel." He tells him before closing the door around you, caging you with his body.

"You've really gotten good at all of this, y/n. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked having me around." He tells you, cupping the back of your neck as you turn towards him, smiling down at you reassuringly, almost affectionately. "Why don't we go watch something, hmm?"

- You're beginning to come to terms with the fact that this is your fate. That in the process of saving your life, you've subsequently surrendered ownership of it, and that this ownership was handed over to him. That there is no getting rid of Jerry Dandridge and that you'll be forced to stay by his side until he decides otherwise.

- The thing is, you're also beginning to find yourself concerningly okay with that....

[loveackermannn]

ALWAYS. –.ೃ࿐ 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧.

(*IMPORTANT:* brief mentions of harassment and anxiety!)

roommate!levi swears by the fact that he doesn't get jealous easily for your sake but when it comes to the persistence that some men have to be crossing a line – that's a whole different story for him

hell it's not even jealousy as anyone would call it, but more of an instinct he can never seem to shake whenever the two of you go out to a club with your friends or even as simple as walking down a street to the convenience store.

he very much so has his arm wrapped around you as much as he can help it and sometimes if he has to from a distance, he'll always have his eyes glued onto you and your surroundings.

if ever another man even for a second breathes in your direction, levi has all his sights on him. he won't interfere right away, but if the situation ever calls for his presence by your side, there's absolutely no hesitation.

his eyes are trained on the two of you as he sees the man pathetically 'attempt' to swoon your heart onto the dance floor with him. it was clear from the start that you weren't in the least interested at his obvious intentions, so when you politely declined, it seemed as though he couldn't get the memo..

"cmonnn, i can be lots of fun!! just one dance, whatdaya say?" the man inches closer with each step he took and the moment you showed the slightest bit of discomfort, you immediately felt arms encircle your waist as you came into contact with a hard, yet familiar chest meeting your back.

"i believe she already said 'no' didn't she?" levi's eyes narrowed at the man in front of you, completely unwavered in his tone of voice and his arms securing tighter around you.

"what the hell do you know? what are you her boyfriend or something? didn't see you with her at all since i came in here."

"that doesn't fucking concern you does it? she clearly doesn't want anything to do with you. get that through your thick skull, before i make it clear for you." levi's voice sounded to have dropped an octave lower and from that point, it took no more than a few seconds for the man to practically scurry off into the crowd and disappearing out of view.

the strobing lights and blaring music of the club continued on, but was entirely disorienting especially after what had just occurred. while you could still make out levi's figure behind you, it was as though everything else felt a blur. the uncertainty of what could've happened had levi not accompanied you spiked your anxiety even more – you wanted to feel safe again.

it was at that point when levi picked up on how frozen you stood in his hold and he softly bent down to your ear and spoke with such gentleness to not startle you further.

"let's take a breather outside doll, i'm right here don't worry. i won't let anything happen to you."

you were finally brought out of your thoughts and nodded wordlessly, taking his hand in yours as he led you through the clusters of people. occasionally, his hand would squeeze yours out of reassurance and it was his own way of keeping you grounded until you were out of the door.

as soon as the cool air came to your senses, it felt like you could breathe again – but, it wasn't private enough to where you could freely express your emotions without the pressure of the public's eye watching you fall apart. so, levi continued to lead you further down the sidewalk until a secluded alleyway appeared within feet. he turned the corner with your hand still interlocked with his until neither of you could be seen for a good while.

swiftly, he pulled you back into the comfort of his chest, keeping one hand on your back and the other pressed against your head. your quiet sobs filled the enclosed space but hearing levi's voice delicately command you to take deep breaths was more than enough to soothe your nerves.

the two of you stayed intertwined in each other's embrace for minutes that felt like an eternity. nothing was said nor did anything need to be said. the familiar silence was like a conversation between you on its own – a simple moment that says so much, without even words exchanged.

as if for levi to say 'i'll always protect you no matter what.'

☆ — 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @luvjiro , @youre-ackermine , @lovolee3 , @notgoodforlife , @averysmolbear , @bejewelledd , @leviismybby , @evas-leslas , @roseofdarknessblog @cometlevi , @21aurora (! ! 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝💌)

[the-garbanzo-annex-jr]

by Phyllis Chesler

The young women who demonstrate for Hamas are surprisingly vulgar, physically aggressive and self-satisfied. Their body language is, dare I say it, rather male. They curse. They enjoy the discomfort they cause in Jewish onlookers. Some wear hijab and niqab (face masks). Others wear Queers for Palestine t-shirts or sport black-and-white checked keffiyehs as scarves.

These girls and women are super-sonic “mean girls.” They smirk as they triumphantly tear down posters that feature the faces of kidnapped Israeli civilians. They look quite happy with themselves when a Jewish student appears visibly distressed.

Leftist women of all ages, many of whom are Jews, and some of whom are rabbis, lead chants against Israel. They wield megaphones, blow whistles and bang drums. They are seasoned, “in your face” performers and feel utterly righteous about drowning out everything and everyone else.

Of course, the young pro-Hamas men are even louder and more menacing. They are taller and wider. They scream, mullah-style, in hoarse voices of rage and are sometimes armed with knives, sticks and guns. They use their feet and their fists to kick, hit, beat or sucker-punch anyone who dares to carry an Israeli flag, wears a Jewish star or is in any way visibly Jewish. I’ve seen this in videos and heard about it from people who were there.

This hot Jew-hatred has been brewing for a long, long time. Yet it is being experienced as sudden and unexpected. The sight of Jewish blood on Oct. 7 has activated what we may metaphorically think of as “sleeper cells” that have been well-trained in mob violence against the Jews. These mobs are now on the move around the world and on American campuses.

Young American Jewish students, both women and men, are shocked, reeling, in free fall. They are traumatized. Frightened. Students did not suspect that such Jew-hatred existed so close to home. Like Anne Frank, they truly believed that all people were basically good. (Frank never exactly believed that, however.)

Such Jewish students are not prepared for a pogrom; or for the fact that Israel is now fighting an existential battle for its survival.

From a psychological and practical point of view, here’s what the students must learn. I am now addressing them directly:

First, you must understand that you have suddenly been drafted into a war. You must think like soldiers. In particular, you must accept that it does not matter if your enemies do not like or love you. A soldier’s only duty is to fight to win.

Second, you have to learn not to take anything personally. If you are cursed as “colonialists, racists, Islamophobes, capitalists,” it has nothing to do with you, who you are or anything that you’ve done. Jew hatred/antisemitism/anti-Zionism is a sickness, a virus, a plague that has afflicted Jew-haters. The shame is theirs, not yours.

Third, you must accept the fact that, despite exceptions, most people, both young and old, tend to be cowards and conformists. If you stand up to evil, if you stand up for Israel, you will lose friends, teachers, employers, even family members who may strongly disagree with you. This is the price that telling this particular truth exacts.

Fourth, you—or your parents or Jewish and Christian organizations—must fund armed guards to keep each one of you safe, just as synagogues and Jewish centers require armed guards. More importantly, you must spend at least a year or more learning Krav Maga or some other form of self-defense.

Believe it or not, if civilian haters, even in mobs, know they you know how to fight, they may decide to leave you alone. It’s happened many times before in Jewish history.

Fifth, it is important that you find like-minded students and meet regularly both in person and on the internet.

You have no choice. Please realize that the sight of Jewish blood excites and thrills the Jew-haters. The sight of Jews fighting back brilliantly and methodically, as the IDF is currently doing, enrages the Jew-haters.

We are not going to win any popularity contests no matter what we do. Like Golda Mair, I say: Let’s survive. Let’s win. We are in that kind of battle.

I must thank trauma psychiatrist Dr. Larry Amsel, with whom I discussed these ideas. You will hear more from both of us soon.

[aroaceconfessions]

There was one post here not understanding why people don’t just block all ship tags and users who ship so as a repulsed aroace who doesn’t ship and is quite resentful towards shipping I thought I’d clarify why we can’t do that. Absolutely no malice to the original post or anyone who agreed with it, I just want to share why that’s not an option for me and many others personally.

The problem isn’t shipping itself. It’s how fandom is essentially ONLY about shipping. If I blocked all shipping related content and users that shipped in the fandoms I’m in, I’d have literally no content. At all. I’m the only one I’ve met so far in any of them that doesn’t ship. If there was actually non ship content, THEN we could just block all shippers and ship tags. But if we do that, our dash will get maybe 1-2 new posts a week if we’re lucky. Believe me, I’ve tried. There’s nothing there, no art no fics, only the occasional meme. It’s lonely and leaves us with nobody to talk to about the media the fandom is for, which is the entire point of looking for fandom in the first place.

Again, the problem isn’t the fact that people ship. The concept of shipping is harmless. The problem is shipping is so prevalent that there’s nothing else, and we HAVE to consume ship content if we want to be part of the fandom. We HAVE to create ship content if we want to be seen by others in the fandom. And when you’re romance repulsed, that makes you resentful after awhile. Eventually we all go ‘well why is it like this? Why is all the content about this thing I love centered around a huge discomfort of mine?’. And we try and try to change that with our own ship free content, but it never gets an audience and never even manages to reach others like us, isolating all in our own little corners bc without ships to draw in the masses and get them sharing it our work never reaches far enough to find like minded people. It gets maybe as far as our virtual backyard. Maybe others are out there, but the internet is vast and if our efforts aren’t circulated we’ll never make contact. We can’t meet new people if none of us can reach beyond our own yards.

It’s really not shipping we hate. It’s the unwritten REQUIREMENT for it if you want to be part of a fandom. It’s how we’re effectively silenced in fandom if we don’t ship. Bc we want so desperately to share our love of this thing with people, but they’ll never hear us unless it’s about ships. Unless it’s about the one thing that makes us uncomfortable, the one feeling they have that we don’t share.

If you’re able to ship while being aro and/or ace, I’m happy for you. You can still enjoy fandom. But I can’t, and it’s a very lonely existence. And it hurts.

[selfship-vent-confessions]

I wanna preface this ask by saying that I generally have nothing against non-sharing selfshippers. It’s a perfectly valid stance to have, I understand why people have it (I’m not fully ok with sharing myself), and I think that it’s not exactly harmful to block somebody or politely ask someone to tag a certain ship for personal comfort. However, I DO feel like there are people who take the ‘no sharing’ thing way too far, to the point that it becomes something that other people cannot possibly accommodate for.

I don’t just mean simply having a lot of F/Os that you don’t want to share when I say this, but I’ve seen examples of people who had hundreds of romantic F/Os, many of which that they rarely or never talked about, randomly come out of the blue to tell people to not talk about their selfships with that character (on Discord for context). And it’s not just the act of having a large F/O list either, people like this would stumble across characters that they had never seen before, or F/O characters that their friends had introduced them to, and then proceed to no-doubles a character they had literally just discovered, barely or never talk about that character again, while attempting to make people who had known those characters for YEARS censor their posts about that F/O or not talk about them at all. The people who were doing this have kinda been naturally filtered out of the spaces they were doing it in (they also would openly make jealous vents about people who shared kins or F/Os with them, one person threatened somebody else over this in fact), but it still left a lasting effect on some people.

Like….again, I respect people who don’t want to share for their own comfort, but at that point somebody’s discomfort with sharing is an issue they themselves need to work on. It truly was unfair to see people who had liked certain characters for years introduce characters they liked to their friends, only for that same friend to essentially tell them to shut the fuck up about their F/O. Discomfort with sharing isn’t an excuse to be that inconsiderate.

-

[igotanidea]

Pep talk : Aaron Hotchner x reader (platonic)

„Whoa! What’s with the long face, sunshine?”

“Go away, Morgan.”

“Well I can only go as far in this plane….”

“Just leave me be, all right?!”

“Hey, easy there. Someone’s in the mood today. We’ve just cracked a case that should make you feel good.”

“Just drop it, all right!?”

“All right, fine” Derek raised his hands in surrender and walked away from Y/N who was acting erratic. “Don’t bite. But you know…. if something’s bothering you……”

“Ah!” she groaned in frustration and threw her pillow at him. Grave mistake since he swiftly caught It and took it with him. On top of all her feelings and discomfort now she was also forced to lean on the cold window without it. “Freaking profilers!”

“Last time I checked you were one of us!”

The BAU team was flying back to Quantico. Another day, another mystery solved, another lives saved. Yay, hurray.

Yay hurray, right?

So how come Y/n was feeling so under the weather and was stuck inside her own head, consumed by all the bad thoughts? Her mind was going hazy and she was on the highway to a panic attack.

“Hey.” a deep calming voice reverberated from somewhere above her and she raised her head to properly asses who was bold enough to approach her in such mood “May I?” the person pointed towards the seat opposite of her.

“Sure, Hotch.” She muttered, turning her gaze away, watching the clouds outside the plane. If he was here to interrogate her, she was not going to make it easy on him. What she forgot about was that Hotch was far too experienced and patient to get intimidated by her poor technique. Instead of asking her any questions, he was just sitting beside her in complete silence, testing her temper and restraints. And damn it, he was good at pushing the limits.

“All right, fine! I surrender.”

“Really?” Hotch raised an eyebrow

“Who told you? I swear I’m gonna kill Morgan.”

“He did not tell me anything. In fact, he did not tell anyone anything. You seem to be the only person who can actually make him self-conscious.”

“Self-conscious? Morgan? And people say you have no sense of humor, Hotch.” She scoffed, looking anywhere but on his face.

“Y/N.”

“What?’

“Tell me what is going on?”

“Nothing.”

“You do realize you can’t fool me, right? So stop wasting time and just talk.”

“But…..”

“Talk to me.”

“What is wrong with me, Hotch? Why can’t I be like anyone else on the team?” her saddened eyes finally focused on his face. At first glance he showed no emotions, but if someone was looking close enough it was easy to notice so many of them reflecting in his orbs. “I’ve spent half of my life trying to prove that I’m good enough and qualified for the job. And yet, so many people still takes me for granted thinking I just got lucky. I worked my ass off during studying, finishing all those extracurricular, seminars, lectures and yet, I’m still being seen as a little girl who would not last long. Why? Why Hotch?”

“People talk.” He stated simply “And I don’t really know why you care about it so much.”

“You don’t understand it, do you?” she shook her head angrily “You are the Aaron Hotchner, FBI’s very best and on top of that, a lawyer.”

“And you are in my team. You are in my team, because I wanted you to be here. Because I chose you.”

“And I still feel like I’m not enough.  Look at all the girls in the department. Former and present. Elle, Emily, Jennifer. God! I wish had their power and energy. Real girbosses.”

“Now you’re giving away your comparison skills. So sad you’re using it in the wrong purpose.”

“What?”

“Ever since you joined us, you were a mystery. Still are. I cannot fully figure you out, you’re so full of contradictions and inconsistencies.  And believe me, it’s not easy for me to admit it.”

“Oh, I believe that.” She smirked

“Why do you focus on the gossip’s about you?”

“Ugh! Hotch, are we talking about feelings now?”

“Understanding your own emotions is a valid part of this job. You cannot do it well if you cannot contain what’s inside you. You need to be in control of your own mind to try getting into unsub head. So again, why do you care?”

“Cause it hurts.”

“And why is that?”

“Stop being my psychologist here!”

“We’re getting to the bottom of the problem, I’m not letting go. Why?”

“Cause I worry it’s true, all right!”

“Is it?” he eyed her carefully

“I don’t know. You’re the boss here, you assess me so why don’t give away your opinion?”

“Nice try. But you did this again, the same mistake over and over.”

“What mistake?”

“Searching for an external validation. Why?”

“Ok, I’ve had enough of this” she stood up from her seat ready to find more peaceful place, but he grabbed her arm and made her sit back down. “Please, don’t make me say it.”

“I’m not making you do anything, do I?” his calmness was infuriating.

“Not with words.” She squirmed, her seat getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.

“Just say it.”

“I worry that no one needs me here. That I’m no help. But an obstacle. I worry that I’m stupid and useless.”

“We do need you.”

“Right. As if. You know what Morgan told me earlier? He said that we cracked the case, you know. We. Then why the hell do I feel like I was of no help?”

“Are you even hearing yourself?”

“Pretty good.”

“Focus on facts, Y/n. What are the facts? Cause from my point of view, because of your fast thinking, ability to keep cold blood and insight we were able to save two woman from certain death.”

“No. No. No.” she shook her head “that was Reid.”

“Reid connected the dots, but you were the one to find them in the first place.”

“But…..” she tried to oppose

“Yes?” he leaned forward slightly. Damn he was good at what he was doing.

“I rest my case, your honor.” she sighed “I give up.”

“No. We’re not done until we get your self-confidence straight.”

“I’m tired Hotch.” she tried to plead with him but it was futile.  

“As you should be. Now, you claim to be weak, but when I look at you I see the person who’s capable of moving mountains when someone’s in danger.  You say you feel stupid, but from my point of view your knowledge is more than the one coming from a textbook. You believe people who say you will not last long, but I’ve seen young agents quit after two or three bloody cases they could not handle. You are nothing of it. And those are the facts.”

“Is it your official opinion as my supervisor?“ she mumbled

“This is my opinion as your mentor. As someone who cares about you and who can see all the potential you are holding back and need to learn how to unlock.”

“Really? You mean it?”

“Like you said, I’m not known for my sense of humor.”

“Maybe we can work on that?” she joked looking at him, but that stone cold expression made her back out immediately “No? all right, let’s leave it here just like that.”

“Get some rest” he stood up and handed her the pillow she lost to Morgan before.

“How did you….?”

“Artifice is something to learn as well. Sleep kid, you’ll have a day full of work tomorrow.”

“You’ll be tormenting me now, won’t you?”

“Obviously. ”

“Hey, Hotch?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for the pep talk, boss.” she smiled and much to her surprise he reciprocared by lifting corners of his mouth in the slightest, almost invicible curve.

@somest1

[cupcakemolotov]

Feel Like Home: Chapter Three

When your date night goes weird, sometimes you gotta SOS call your BFF. Particularly when you wake up with a slight case of amnesia and no idea where you are or who you where with. (Even if the bed is super comfy and the sheets smell nice. It’s still an emergency.)

Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Alternate Universe - Fantasy; Dragon!Klaus; Human!Caroline; Temporary Amnesia; Witchcraft; Canon-Typical Violence; Magical Shenanagins; Bonnie is the best; Caroline's Date Goes Sideways

Apologies for those not on A03, I have recently had to lock my account due to AI Scrapping. For everyone else, you will need to be signed in to see my stories.

-

“Well,” Caroline said carefully, her mouth dry as the desert. “That is… definitely a dragon.”

Next to her, Bonnie made a slightly choked noise, but Caroline couldn’t look away from the creature that lay draped along the tunnel in front of her. She’d never thought of a subway tunnel as small, even these old, abandoned ones that were no longer in use, but she had no idea how he fit.

How had they gotten him in? More importantly, how was he going to get out? Swallowing, she took in what she could see in the low light: the long, sharply wedged shape of his face, a sinuous neck that smoothed into shoulders that were almost too large for the walls to contain. His scales were dark in the dim light, the rasp of his lungs heavy and deep over the pounding of her heart. He was gorgeous and terrifying, and she didn’t know if her fingers were trembling from adrenaline or fear. Enzo had said Klaus was sixty feet in length from nose to tail, and right then, Caroline believed it.

“Teleportation,” Enzo said.

Finally breaking her gaze away, Caroline glanced at him. “What?”

A quick grimace. “They teleported him here. It must be one of the reasons they needed the unicorn, they’d never have managed it otherwise.” His jaw clenched for a moment, a sharp shift of muscle that spoke of a deep anger. Caroline couldn’t tell if the flush was from that anger, or the steadily increasing heat they’d been wading through for the past forty-five minutes. Dragons, even dragons who were being used like batteries, produced a lot of heat.

As soon as they’d snuck into the tunnels, the temperature had gone from frigid to the hot, balmy humidity of the tropics. The closer they’d gotten to where Klaus was trapped, the hotter it had become, to the point that even concrete beneath their feet had become uncomfortably warm though the soles of their shoes. They’d been forced to risk Bonnie magicking them some heat resistance before their shoes started melting.

Bonnie made a low noise. “I hope he eats them.”

Caroline almost choked on her gasp. “Bonnie Bennett!”

Her jaw jutted out. “You’ve never seen an unicorn. It didn’t deserve this.”

“Nothing deserves this,” Enzo said. “What our Dragon Overlord will do to the witches for this?” He paused and shook his head. “His cities have always been safe for unicorns.”

Caroline thought about that as she shoved at the sleeves that were slipping down her forearms, the lightweight material too warm. She’s already lost her jacket somewhere in the tunnel, the material too heavy to knot around her waist, and she was trying very hard not to think about the dull ache that has started in the arch of her feet. No matter how comfortable originally, no high heeled shoe was meant for this kind of adventure.

But not even the physical discomfort could distract her from the fact that she’d tossed a drink into the face of the human form of the dragon in front of her face. Past her had had some balls, and she was going to have to find them again, because Enzo said she had to touch him to activate whatever he’d left on her skin.

Touch the sixty foot, massive dragon that left her hind brain screaming in terror. Who protected unicorns and had apparently spent weeks charming her into forgiving him well enough that she’d spent the night. Planned to spend more than one, based on her bag. When this was over, someone was going to owe her a drink.

“How do we get to him?”

There was a pause, and Enzo glanced over his shoulder and gave a little shrug. “We run.”

Caroline’s eyes darted around the tunnel. It was wide open and the perfect place for an ambush. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Invisibility isn’t a spell I have in my toolkit, and unless my favorite good witch has been tinkering with new magic, it’s not in hers either.” Enzo spread his hands and ignored the glare that Bonnie shot in his direction. “There is what, two, three hundred meters between us?”

“Have you looked at the floor?” Caroline hissed. “Old tunnels are not made for sprinting, much less in heels.” She jabbed a finger towards the area around the dragon, which was shimmering like the desert sky in the hot noon sunshine. “Let’s not forget Mt. Doom over there. How is he not melting the walls?”

“Magic,” Enzo said with a shrug. “Another couple of hours and it’ll be colder than Hades down here.”

The heavy implication that it would then be too late hung between them and Caroline grimaced. “Bonnie?”

“I can’t see any magical traps, but that doesn’t mean much,” she rubbed her forehead. “There is too much magic to see anything clearly.”

Blowing out a breath, Caroline wiped at the sweat on her face. “So, to recap: we have to clear whatever the hell distance three hundred meters is so I can hypothetically break the spell on the giant sleeping dragon by touching him, without tripping on any of the grates or the uneven floor, and we have to do all this while hoping it’s not booby trapped or someone who can go invisible isn’t going to kill us?”

Bonnie and Enzo exchanged glances.

“Yes.”

“Unfortunately.”

The rest can be found here on AO3.

[roguetelepaths]

It's not often I dip my toes into shipcourse, as an adult who does not like minor/adult ships or harassment and would rather curate my environment in a way that allows me to pretend the former doesn't exist than go out of my way to engage with it for cheap internet outrage points, but one place where the proship ideology loses me is in this idea of having to go along to get along. You can dislike things, sure, but you'd better not talk about the fact that you dislike things or why, because that's Yucking Someone's Yum, and don't you know YKINMKATO? If you complain, you're being a killjoy at best, and at worst, you're actively contributing to harassment.

I want to be able to talk about common ships and tropes in my fandom that I dislike, things that make me uncomfortable or that I think are deserving of criticism, without making it seem like I'm trying to control the things other people write. I'm not. I'm trying to express myself, same as everyone else.

Anti ideology often goes after people for nothing (a height difference between two adults, an interabled relationship between an Autistic and allistic person of the same age, and the childhood friends to lovers trope are all things I've seen branded as "pedophilia", please stop, you do not know what that word means) but proship ideology at this point feels like toxic positivity. Fiction is meant to elicit emotions, and criticism, discomfort, and dislike are all valid emotions that a work of fiction can elicit. Fandom spaces are not truly free unless they provide room to experience and process all emotions that a person can experience as a result of engaging with fandom, not just the happy ones.

[ones-g]

𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕒 𝕎𝕖𝕕𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕕𝕒𝕪 [Wenclair Version]

—The wednesday girl

Pilot🔙❗️

Chapter One 🔙❗️

Enid was trying to stay relaxed, but looking at her so curiously made her steps heavy and unsteady; She didn't like having the attention so firmly, much less because surely now everyone would point at her, because of course, who would accuse the team captain? He just washed his hands of her, leaving her with all the trouble.

And she was also surprised at how Wednesday managed to ignore them or at least pretend that she did. The fact was nice to a certain point, to the point where she began to worry about what others would say.

Hey Addams! Wednesday turned her head to make sure she was being called, and sure enough, one of the basketball team, tall and handsome, was calling from afar. Wednesday recognized him at once, he was Ajax's older brother -Lucas wants to see you...-the boy gave Enid a furtive glance, inspecting all of her.

"Okay, tell Lucas to wait." Wednesday shrugged, sensing Enid's discomfort as she felt a little intimidated by the situation. The tall boy's look was contemptuous, but that had no effect on Wednesday, and he had to leave a soft caress with his thumb on the younger girl's hand, just so he knew that he didn't have to worry about her. being next to her.

-He is the captain and he can be something important. Stop consoling girls in love and attend to your obligations as a member of the group-the boy looked at Enid when referring to her with her definition, and the youngest was afraid that Wednesday would agree to her words before her.

Enid felt her stomach clench in discomfort. She took a few steps back, away from the situation, loosening Wednesday's grip on her hands, only because she felt judged again and she didn't want to go back to it. Wednesday looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and I don't hesitate to yank her back to her side.

"Certainly, it's not something you should care about. I'll do what I want, and if I want to comfort girls in love, don't be surprised, I also want to hit idiots like Lucas" Wednesday declared dismissively, a little annoyed that Lucas was looking for her. Rumors spread fast, it was a fact. Enid's eyes widened in surprise, but she kept quiet, her eyes lowered in shock. "You can tell her, thank you."

Wednesday gave up and ended the conversation. She looked at Enid and with a slight nod suggested that they continue her walk, Enid nodded without much thought, her heart beating with a traveling adrenaline that didn't allow her to refuse something Wednesday ordered. When they got to the lockers, away from the crowd of people moving toward the newsboys, Enid couldn't help but feel bad.

"Sorry," she apologized, looking down. Wednesday stopped trying to open her locker door and looked at Enid a little curiously. She felt strange, why was she the one apologizing if it was everyone else who had to do it?

"What are you apologizing for?" She asked, looking at her simply, abandoning her attention to her lock to look for the younger girl's gaze.

"You'll have problems because of me in the group" Enid answered sincerely, and she looked at her seriously too. If that happened, she would only feel worse.

"Oh, that? ..."Wednesday gave her a beautiful smile, one in which her dimples stood out sympathetically and her eyes lit up with a light of compression, "have you not seen them before?" They showed that they are nothing more than a group of rowdy idiots incapable of having their own ideals separated from those of a self-centered and disloyal guy who calls himself team captain, cowardly captain suits him better, don't you think?... " Enid had to giggling out of the blue, just because that was what Wednesday was looking for and he didn't want to say no "don't worry about it, okay? It is no longer important to me"

The youngest felt incredibly surprised, incredibly lucky, and incredibly grateful. Suddenly someone had appeared who had decided to support her and abandon everything for no reason, who smiled kindly and invited her to eat, who defended her and listened to her without judging, who had a beautiful smile and her bouquet of trampled flowers in her hands, taking care of them as if it were his own heart.

"Thank you very much..." Enid this time allowed herself to smile broadly at him. All the idleness that she had felt before, yes, it was there, but now, she felt that she could bear it if Wednesday helped her like that, being nice to her while everyone made fun of her. She took the bouquet of flowers that Wednesday was still holding -I'm going to get rid of this...

And she pushed him away, determined not to feel sad for someone who only felt indifference to her. It was fine, she no longer needed those flowers. She didn't want to be the flower girl any longer, which everyone made fun of for being sincere and looking for something that she believed, she deserved.

She looked up and smiled sincerely when she met the older one's kind eyes. She was sure things would be better now that she had Wednesday.

Enid instinctively closed her eyes as she felt Wednesday's hands take her from her hips, to prevent her from fleeing once more, and hold him against her body in a firm embrace. She just wanted to go water the flowers, and Wednesday looked very busy interfering with her plans.

"Addams, wait until I water the flowers..." she excused herself, opening her eyes a little just to delight in the cute sly smile that Wednesday had on her lips.

"No, first you have to kiss me..." Wednesday held her waist with a hug that made her feel good, simply protected from her. He leaned on her forehead and looked at her as if he were the most beautiful thing in the world, she smiled at him and then kissed him as if he wanted her by her side for the rest of his life. With Wednesday she was happy.

It had been two years since Enid had gone from flower girl to Wednesday girl. And there was not a day that she did not feel grateful for everything that had happened between them since then.

She now had a garden with flowers that Wednesday and she had planted and cared for, they grew beautiful and healthy like her love, they were not trampled on and they witnessed what they felt for each other.

-I love you, Cara Mia...- she whispered to her partner.

End.

[silvysartfulness]

I posted 7,130 times in 2022

That's 205 more posts than 2021!

149 posts created (2%)

6,981 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ebonykain

@chigrima

@cryptidsamoyed

@nientedal

@veliseraptor

I tagged 2,361 of my posts in 2022

#the untamed - 516 posts

#smile with tear emoji - 120 posts

#asksilvy - 105 posts

#refs - 99 posts

#i laughed - 89 posts

#note to self - 69 posts

#the happy songxuexiao roadtrip story - 68 posts

#blorbo from my shows - 52 posts

#beautiful - 45 posts

#oh tumblr... - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 104 characters

#you are in fact autistic please try to get help so just trying to live won't leave you disabled for life

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapter 48 - As The Waters Flow of Heaven Has A Road But No One Walks It is up! :D

The rains caught up with them at last, and any hope that it might ease the sweltering heat was thoroughly dashed – the air was so thick with humidity, it was worse than the mists back in Yi City, thick and heavy and hot.

And yet, despite the discomfort of damp, clinging robes and the relentless heat... there was a comfortable familiarity, a sense of peace to simply walking.

“I have been thinking, lately, about the flow of water,” Xiao Xingchen mused out loud, unthinkingly letting a nudge from Xue Yang's elbow steer him around yet some other puddle or muddy patch. “And I've realized that by setting my heart so firmly on what we hoped to achieve in Jinlintai, making it the one goal above all others... I blinded myself to the greater truth of what it is I – we - actually hope to do.”

“Of course,” Xue Yang amiably agreed, and he really should have seen the bad joke coming, he should have, “you are blind, Daozhang.”

—————————

Things are heating up, and it's not just the weather. 💚

I'm having a rough time with my creativity lately - please know that your comments and asks and fun tags are literally what keeps me going. If you enjoy this story and want more of it, please tell me so..? 🥺

Maybe even come hang out in my discord server? 💚

113 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

#4

See the full post

134 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#3

Can't help but oblige and ask about your hc for the origins of Song Lan's mysophobia👀

I know I outright encouraged the question, but wow. 😂

So this was a headcanon I picked up for Heaven Has A Road after actually writing the events that partially gave rise to it.

When I was on vacation a couple of months back, I found myself without hand sanitizer after visiting a store, and after the last two years of pandemic and the super-strict regulations at that particular location, being unable to sanitize my hands for those few minutes before I got back to the hotel really made my skin crawl. Like there were potential pathogens all over them, to the point I could almost feel it.

And so logically, I thought to myself "Wow, this must be how Song Lan feels at all times."

And then my next thought was "Huh, and he was the one who immediately picked up on the abandoned zombie village having been devastated by a plague..."

So, a Song Lan who knows to spot the aftermath of a plague, a Song Lan obsessed with staying clean, avoiding closeness and touch... A Song Lan raised by a temple, because he had no family of his own...

Maybe the first plague he saw was his home village. Maybe toddler Song Lan was told by terrified relatives not to approach strangers, not to touch, wash your hands, keep clean - or the sickness will get you, will get us all...

And then it did.

Maybe Song Lan was taken in by Baixue because everyone else was gone. Dead. Their bodies twisted and swollen and festering, ruined and tainted by sickness. Uncleanness. And if you touch, if you get dirty, if you don't stay clean... It will get you too. Get you, and all those you care about.

He was too young to consciously remember any of it. In his mind, there's nothing before Baixue.

But after that, he never stopped compulsively washing his hands.

And he still can't make himself touch.

230 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#2

Happy birthday, Xue Yang!

There will be happy endings in your future yet! ♥♥♥

253 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Just your casual reminder that when faced with an enemy knocked flat on his back, Xiao Xingchen’s reaction was to go straight for the heart.

No demanding he surrender. No using the spirit-trapping rope he carries in his sleeve to restrain him. No hesitation, no quarter.

In that moment, beautiful Bright Moon Xiao Xingchen was 100% down for ice cold murder, and you can’t tell me Xue Yang didn’t fall in love then and there. ♥

512 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[messymindofmine]

I love that we're getting to see Carlos's flaws explored more this season. I love that we've gotten to learn so much more about him and that we've seen him confronting his issues. Carlos is not really a *main* character in the way the 126 members are so he naturally doesn't get as much screen time but this season we are getting the growth that his character really needed. We saw such wonderful growth this episode in particular. While Carlos may have attempted to avoid and deflect at the start, the fact that he sought Andrea out and talked to her is in itself a far cry from the person who couldn't even tell his parents that he had a boyfriend. And even though he tried to deny that he avoids things when Andrea points it out, he does realize that this is exactly what he's doing and he needs to be honest with TK about his feelings. And then he goes to TK and is honest. And you can see the relief when he realizes that TK loves him just the way he is and that nothing else is more important to either of them than having each other.

That being said, I'm uncomfortable with the way some people have reacted to seeing his flaws explored. The more I think about it, the more I get the feeling that the people who got so mad at Carlos earlier this season and then again with the promo for 4x12 are people that are uncomfortable with the idea of Carlos no longer belonging on the pedestal they'd always put him on. Because the thing is, Carlos has always been this way right from the moment we see him from the first time in the pilot. You can see that passive-aggression and deflection right from the start. But bc he didn't have as much screentime at the start, it was easy for people to ignore those flaws and pin the blame onto TK for whatever conflict they had. This continued over the past 3 seasons. Even with the breakup where it's stated that Carlos bought a house without talking to TK about it, people focused on TK's role and absolutely blasted him. The thing is, while there probably are people who've been upset with Carlos for TK's sake this season bc we never get to see TK express his hurt over Carlos keeping his marriage a secret or his behavior towards him in 4x03, I don't think we can just say that TK stans are the only ones upset this season bc they don't like that Carlos isn't perfect for TK anymore. Because if that's the case, then what about all the people who say that TK isn't good enough for Carlos? What about the people who wanted Carlos to make TK work for his forgiveness after the breakup? What about the people who've been complaining about how unequal their relationship is from s1? Or that they want to see TK prove his love for Carlos in a more obvious way? Presumably it's not TK stans doing that. And this mentality is still their in s4. Even after the whole secret marriage and kidnapping arc, I can still see people say that TK isn't good enough. Seriously, all you have to do is look through comments on any site and you'll see it. Even people who express their (valid) discomfort at seeing Carlos with a gun or seeing him in cop mode have gotten attacked. The feeling I get is that at least some of the anger is coming from people who are now scrambling bc we are being made to confront Carlos's flaws head-on and there is no one to pin the blame on this time. TK can't be blamed for Carlos keeping his marriage a secret especially since he reacted so well. And I know there were people who tried to blame Iris for it then even though Carlos hadn't even gone to see Iris since she returned. And it seems like the lack of having someone else to put the blame on made people even more upset at Carlos. But then the anger at Carlos having kept his marriage a secret went away after 4x02 when we see that Tarlos is as committed as ever. And then it came back in 4x03 only to disappear again after 4x04 when we have Carlos telling TK that Carlos's life is his. And then with Carlos not wanting kids, that can't be blamed on TK either and I think yet again that frustration of not having anyone else to put the blame on anyone else contributed to the anger towards Carlos. Although I will say that not wanting kids is a completely valid choice regardless of your reasoning and really not something that we should be assigning blame to. Being upset at seeing a character you have put on a pedestal exhibit flaws is understandable but this is all the more reason why you shouldn't put characters on pedestals. Just like in real life, if you put someone on a pedestal they will eventually fall off of it and it will hurt worse. Besides, it's the characters that are flawed that are the most interesting precisely bc those are the realistic ones. Carlos has always been flawed and his flaws are what make him realistic and interesting.

I also want to say that people are allowed to be frustrated at Carlos's actions. We should be able to be understanding while still acknowledging a character's flaws and mistakes. I know people were upset that Carlos kept his marriage a secret from TK for their entire relationship and that's valid. Just like it was valid that they were upset by his behavior towards TK in 4x03. I think the frustration was made worse bc people who did express their upset over Carlos's behavior were made to feel that they weren't allowed to be. And I know that there are a lot of people who felt that it was unfair that after 3 seasons of watching TK be blamed for every conflict, they were made to feel like they weren't allowed to be upset on TK's behalf. I suspect that the reaction to Carlos saying he doesn't want children was affected by the latent frustration from earlier this season. And I also know that some people were upset bc it felt like their fantasy of dad!Tarlos had been taken away. As I've pointed out before though, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy fanfic anymore. The beauty of fanfic is that it can give us things canon doesn't. There's plenty of great dad!Tarlos fics out there already. And remember that the conversation on the show has been left open-ended. They may well decide to have kids later on but for now nothing is stopping you from enjoying plenty of dad!Tarlos fics.

I do understand that knee jerk responses are a natural thing when we see dramatic scenes with conflict like we did with 4x12 but I don't like how these knee jerk responses can snowball and then others see those responses and then respond themselves until before you know it people on all sides are getting hurt. Remember that the whole point of these promos is to illicit a strong reaction and that promos don't tell the whole story. The one for this episode certainly didn't. I am glad to see that now that we've seen the episode and we've seen the growth for Tarlos as both individuals and a couple, the anger has faded again. The next time we are shown a dramatic clip where it seems like they are in conflict, remember that just bc they're shown to be having a conflict doesn't mean that the conflict is as big as the one clip makes it seem. Remember that we know no matter what happens, Tarlos will always come out of their conflict better and stronger. We've seen that enough times now that we know that's one thing that will always be true

[anndramarama]

I was taking a break from all things Ted Lasso but someone who hadn't seen the finale wanted to watch it with me, so I watched it again and I think I've executed an almost 180° turn with my feelings since the first time I watched that scene in Rebecca's kitchen.

I'm still relieved that nobody in that kitchen actually slept with anybody else,* and on the surface I do still find the scene funny but I have to say that some things I've seen posted including this recent post by @cherish--these--times made me unpack my discomfort, and it wasn't what I thought it was at first. I do remember thinking how nasty when that initial scene did turn out to be a fake-out, because of course they had to know that so many fans were rooting for Ted and Rebecca to get together in the end rom-com style, but I put those feelings away and just glided through the rest of the episode. And I do think that their relationship subverted a lot of tropes in a positive and very refreshing way because we do expect a female and male lead to get together, and those expectations are often very problematic. I would also still argue that Ted and Rebecca are platonic soulmates who will always be there for each other regardless of distance and I am more than content with that outcome. However.

The second time I watched the kitchen scene I couldn't help but think that it was a cruel, cruel thing to do to the TedBeccas, and nothing more than that.

I know others have said this but I think it could stand to be repeated: that scene was unnecessary, there was no narrative reason for it to be there and it's never mentioned again. Ever. Ted, Beard, and Jane were there because of a gas leak? Hmm. Help me out here, in the larger world of TV and fandom isn't "gas leak" code for narrative mistakes, sloppy or uncharacteristic writing, or just plain batshit insanity?

Community used this literally as an ongoing joke to explain away a season when a new team of writers took the show/characters in a strange narrative direction, and I think Sherlock used this as well at some point. And speaking of Sherlock, which was a show where some of the more adamant shippers made me decidedly uncomfortable, I can't help but recall how that show did occasionally engage with its fans through the narrative in a way that was, again, unnecessarily cruel and on the nose. ("You. Repel. Me." Oof.) I don't think I've seen a show go to great lengths to flick a group of its fans on the nose so pointedly since Sherlock, but this certainly happened in the opening scene of the Ted Lasso finale.

All this to say: just like in Sherlock back in the day, some of the hardcore shipping forTed Lasso did give me an ick, but that's fandom. And I would never see the fact that I don't get or even oppose a ship as a reason to be vicious, cruel or, if I was a writer or producer with the power to make narrative decisions, decide to serve up a shit sandwich followed by a shiv to the heart to some of my creation's most passionate and vocal fans. I know that some fans take it too far and I'm sure there were a great many assholes on Twitter last week, but even if they had decided not to have Ted and Rebecca get together as a means of defying fans' expectations the figurative violence was unnecessary.

* not counting Jane and Beard of course. But do we think they actually slept together?

[aces-to-apples]

Damn I’m disappointed you’re falling in the camp of going from threatening an abuse victim with a lawyer and telling them to shut up, I had hoped with stance on other fandom harassment you would empathize.

............hey remember when I first got into Star Wars fandom and ended up following and being pseudo-friends with goddamn clonehub of all the fucking people and participated in a fucking smear campaign against several other artists for such "crimes" as "drawing icky art that made me, personally, uncomfortable"? Can you even imagine how fucking embarrassing that is to recall as a actual adult rn?? I literally want to tear my skin off sometimes remembering that I was absolutely certain that my personal discomfort and fucking ignorance was more important than other peoples' right to just fucking exist and vibe in their corner of fandom and I think we should all take a minute to contemplate how much more of a goddamn nightmare my loud obnoxious ass would be if I'd actually ended up full-on puriteen..... Fucking harrowing, isn't it?

And you know what? Maybe I'll end up having backed the wrong metaphorical horse this time as well and find out that I once again am running in the same circles and happily interacting with yet another goddamn bully. Shit's fucking embarrassing, if nothing else, lemme tell you. (God remember that bitchy little "ah shucks weren't you and clonehub friends once?? What happened???" anon ask a while back? Talk about harrowing lmao.)

But I've been running in the same circles as Jer for years, I'm friends with several people who've been Friends-friends with her for years and even decades who vouch for her, and I've witnessed several hate and harassment campaigns run against her already. And I don't know any of these people crawling out of the woodwork to start shit so idk. I'm going with my gut here. Maybe it'll work out like shit again. Or maybe I'll dodge the bullet this time and not participate in a vindictive smear campaign against people who make the "wrong art" or whatever the fuck.

And like.

Hey, Anonymous Goddamn Citizen, you ever considered that I'm fucking tired? That I'm tired to my goddamn bones of how every reactionary bitch on this planet with an internet connection can and will just make heinous shit up about random fucking people that they don't like and convince enough people to jump on the dogpile to the point where the truth doesn't even matter anymore?? Do you how many times I've witnessed this in the last three years alone??? I'm fucking tired man! I'm tired!!

So like. Idk. Maybe fuck your snotty ham-fisted attempt at a guilt-trip? And fuck your manipulative, performative bullshit "disappointment" with Internet Rando #7014?? Maybe even fuck you personally???

I mean, I don't know you, because if I did then you wouldn't be on anon, you'd be in my DMs actually trying to talk to me instead of, in all likelihood, hunting through Flamethrower's posts and copy-pasting this shit into the inbox of everyone who reblogs her posts or whatever. Like that's usually how I see this shit go. And believe me, I have seen this shit go. If we were friends, and therefore someone whose opinion I care about, you wouldn't be hiding behind an anonymous function, taking advantage of the observable fact that I am fundamentally incapable of not having both an opinion and the last word.

Yet here you are.

And here I am, answering the bait, as is my custom. But hey, I extra super deluxe mega promise that if I end up on the wrong side of history here, I'll do the whole YouTuber Apology song and dance and you'll get to smugly say I fuckin told you so. I'm sure that'll make you very happy.

'Til then, just as an unnecessary bit of extra snotty pedantry to sign off: I'm actually hypoempathetic, so feel free to hold your breath waiting for me to empathize with literally anything. Funnily enough, I'm actually trying not to let my personal knee-jerk reactions dictate my sense of morality and ethics these days. Just as a fun change from Anti-Lite Apples of 2017-2019ish??