#if the thing in MY head that told me to be considerate of the ppl around me got switched off i would act + feel extremely similarly to him

[aq2003]

saw a letterboxd review of 2009 hamlet saying they didn't like how hamlet just seemed to be crazy all of the time and i was reminded of when david tennant said this

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey. I originally sent this ask to virginia bc a lot of what i see usually comes from her asks, but it is also relevant to your s2 rant so wanted to ask you this too. I don’t understand what you mean by the show people are “making up in their heads”. I watched the show and then went online which was a mistake since a lot of book content was being revealed to me, so I read a couple of the books for context. Still I disagree with a lot of the takes I have seen. How is lestat being “big bad patriarchal” something that people are making up in their heads? Why is it that when the vamps are having good moments we can agree “that they are married!” and “that’s their daughter!” but when it’s bad moments all of a sudden it’s “they’re vampires so it’s not domestic abuse and lestat is not big bad patriarchal”? I understand that a lot will be revisited in s2, but s1 is Louis’ account of things and what he is showing us is very much big bad lestat so idk how that can be something people are making up in their heads. I’ve noticed that while a lot of the speculation for s2 draws from the books (obvi), they don’t take into consideration that some things just don’t work anymore because of the change in the level of violence shown, and bc these characters are Black! Like Louis or Claudia lying about their abuse would be incredibly problematic, so would a revisit of Lily showing that she’s shady/a villain. (And i feel like you agree with this so idk why you say you’ll block ppl who say this). I understand where the theories are coming from, but having these things play out would actually be racist and calling it bad writing if it happened would be very valid criticism! It’s very important to be critical of these things even if it comes from an otherwise very good show!

I’ve also seen stuff about making fun of people complaining that Assad and Jacob are not being paired together, when that is also a valid complaint/want (and I’m positive they’ll be paired together more as they keep promoting s2). I’m excited for loumand even after reading some of the books and knowing that Loustat (or just lestat) is the center of the VC, but the second half of book iwtv definitely centers Loumand, and even before reading the books my expectation was still a centering of those two characters. Don’t get me wrong I am a huge jam reiderson fanatic (literally started watching the show bc I saw that trivia with jam reiderson video) but I am also excited to see Jassad!!! Another incredibly important reason that people are excited for this pairing is of course that they are a queer interracial poc couple!! In fantasy no less!! So it’s understandable that people (myself included if you couldn’t tell lol) would be excited to see them together outside the show as well!! And making fun of them looking forward to it is like not great. So far the stuff ive seen ab press pairing is ppl being eager to see Jassad, but over here it reads as “haha no jassad we told you so” which is so incredibly weird. Again, I’m trying not to come off as like aggressive, and I get that being accused of being racist is obviously not a great thing to receive, but I do think that a refusal to examine or question why people think certain decisions would be racist is also not great.

I feel like a lot of the times when fans are pointing out the racism in the fandom and stuff, it gets taken as them being hateful and aggressive etc etc, but like idk it’s hard to be nice when you see things that are clearly so problematic and it gets glossed over in the fandom. Idk if you’ll answer this but I just thought it was important to share.

Okay, you know, I'll bite. Once.

"Making fun of people is not great". "being accused of being racist is obviously not a great thing to receive, but I do think that a refusal to examine or question why people think certain decisions would be racist is also not great"

"I’ve noticed that while a lot of the speculation for s2 draws from the books (obvi), they don’t take into consideration that some things just don’t work anymore because of the change in the level of violence shown, and bc these characters are Black! Like Louis or Claudia lying about their abuse would be incredibly problematic, so would a revisit of Lily showing that she’s shady/a villain."

Let's examine these, shall we.

Just because Louis and Claudia are black now, they are NOT different characters. If you had read my rant, and listened to the sources, read the interviews, then you would KNOW that. You would know that JACOB (and Bailey) have said that. LITERALLY.

A certain part of the fandom keeps saying this, but that is just... not it. And I get where it's coming from! But they already confirmed that the characters are still the book characters. And the people (including you?) who keep worrying that point just don't want to acknowledge their stance being wrong.

But that is not something that >I< am making up.

Which, in turn, negates your argument.

Also, everything shown in s1 will be put into context in s2, as already said - also something I more than laid out in the rant. That includes the "violence". Again, that's been said.

When the racial changes became clear for Louis and Armand (and Claudia) some of the book fans winced, NOT BECAUSE OF THE CHANGE ITSELF, but because you know, we KNOW what's coming.

All the show fans now claiming Lestat was sooo bad for Louis... oh you haven't seen Armand. Armand will literally gaslight Louis, make him do things against his will (things that will have Louis say he lost the last of his humanity!), isolate him by KILLING CLAUDIA and the coven (intentionally! so he can have him to himself!), and spell-bind him, repeatedly. Armand will chop off Claudia's head and sew it onto another's body to see what happens. And then send her into the sun, to burn.

He will also, as has already been made clear now, "tinker" with Louis' memories.

You think that's cute?! Wholesome? Because they're POC now? Oh sweetie. This show will pull the rug out from under you. And that is not meant as belittling. These things will happen. They dialed up the (absolutely existing) themes to 10 in s1, they will do so once more in s2.

And lastly, re the fun, and being accused of things.

Go and read through the comments of "Laden as the sea". Read what I wrote in the notes, and why, and then what people threw at me. Come on, go ahead. It's a ride. I did not delete ONE comment. None. They're all there. Some of the commenters have edited their comments, so the still-up one is not the one they initially wrote, but I get mails for all comments, so... I've read them.

And I'm not even talking about the shit here.

Oh, and I didn't say that the patriarchal and abuse themes were made up. Which you would also know if you had actually read my rant.

And, again, if you had really read what I've written, you would know that I wrote this: if I‘m going to see anyone scream “bad writing“ or “Louis being made a liar or the memories revisited/changed is racism“ when the changes will hit I‘m just gonna block you.

And that... has nothing to do with the problematic things that might arise from the revisits, because of course there are many traps there to consider, because of the racial change. That I agree with.

But it's not bad writing, or racism, if and when these things happen.

It's just not what some people want to happen. And that is what I mean with the "story made up in their heads".

If you really read the books, then you would know what's coming.

Because this show is made by book fans. It might be good to remember that.

[myreygn]

hi hi!! hc anon back with more chaotic hc’s!!

i saw a lot of ppl in the fandom making fun of sanemi for his lack of eyebrows and now have a hc that all the hashira (aside from rengoku) enjoy teasing him and use rengoku as an example of “nice eyebrows”. obanai specifically finds it hilarious to tease sanemi and says that even genya has better eyebrows than him which actually makes sanemi want to punch obanai (he refrains from doing so but he swears one of these days, he will punch obanai for the eyebrow comments) sanemi has secretly had it out for rengoku ever since. however, rengoku is blissfully unaware of the fact everyone’s making fun of sanemi and that sanemi secretly holds a grudge against him all cuz of his eyebrows. he does notice sanemi glaring at him from a distance but doesn’t bother to figure out why 🤣

with the demons however, douma gets teased for his eyebrows by everyone. it all started cuz douma was arguing with enmu about his sense of fashion which enmu called “ugly” and douma asked rui what he thought since all rui did was stare at him. all rui said was “huh? i’m sorry, i wasn’t listening to what was going on between you and enmu. i was too distracted by whatever is going on with your eyebrows. i think you need to ask daki to help with those things.” which sent all the demons into fits of laughter (even kokushibo was laughing) douma was offended cuz he does his eyebrows himself but when gyokko added his opinion, enmu roasted gyokko and said “gyokko, you have no eyebrows to speak of. you shouldn’t be making fun of douma for his.” and rui added “sorry gyokko, douma’s eyebrows may have some issues but it looks better than whatever you have going on” and it left gyokko fuming while the others all were on the floor laughing. rui and enmu stood proud however to have roasted 2 upper rank demons 😭💀

and that’s all for now! have a good day/night!!

IT'S YOU! :D hello good to see you here and sorry for the wait, i had to scrape up the motivation to answer - hope you're doing alright! ^^

ahh yes sanemi and his infamous lack of eyebrows... luckily anime men don't need eyebrows to appease me *gives tengen a kiss on the forehead*

but the hashira making fun of him for it and rengoku being absolutely unaware of the whole thing?? please that's hilarious 😭 he just assumes that it's normal for sanemi to look at people's eyebrows instead of actually making eye contact and he decides not to question it because knowing sanemi, it's probably rooted in something deeply traumatic. he also doesn't think it's weird that sanemi calls him 'eyebrows' because sanemi probably has a nickname for everyone, he's heard him call tomioka 'babe' before after all. he's also working on blinking even less and having his eyes seem even bigger; sanemi told him once "i can't even see your fucking eyes under all of those fucking eyebrows" and he knows that sanemi has some trouble with his vision so making his eyes more visible would be the considerate thing to do (sanemi hasn't commented on it yet tho, maybe he needs to put in more effort)

also may i just add a sentence i immediately thought of from All the splintered light that leaked by quarter_life-crisis, one of my favorite fics where sanemi giyuu tengen and rengoku get super drunk and sanemi does this:

ENMU AND RUI ROASTING THE UPPER MOONS HELP 💀 what are the odds akaza and daki encouraged them to just let it all out and enmu decided to just go for it. rui didnʼt want to immediately jump in too but then he got so distracted by the eyebrows and he just blurted it out, he couldn't help himself.

(the gyokko roast was completely intentional tho, none of them have respect for fucking gyokko 😌)

when douma won't stop whining akaza offers to help and then proceeds to blow douma's head off when he accepts the help ("stop whining i fixed your eyebrows") and then muzan walks in on gyokko akaza douma and kaigaku fighting while roasting each other's appearances (no way there's a fight going on and kaigaku isn't getting involved) and after kokushibo told him what's going on muzan secretly awards enmu and rui bonus points in his mind for insulting douma.

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

update on the date

so apparently.... i am the problem haha.

i told jid that i needed to sit with my feelings after the date and evaluate where this was all going. i was so adamant with that mindset about not pursuing a relationship with him because of those little icks (asshole huwaina) such as him mansplaining (like which guy doesnt? its in their nature) and him dismissing some of my needs (like his persistence of taking me out to the beach, him not believing i cant eat tuna bc of a doc i watched in college) and his stupid lateness and inability to text if hes late (he made me drive all the way to his workplace to only findout he wasnt there yet when i called despite me texting earlier on to say ill make my move early and having to drive to the restaurant alone and him making me wait again for 30 mins at the restaurant) and his fear of being 30 and acting like i have a life a head of me just bc im 3 years younger and his need to shorten my name when i told him i hate when ppl shorten my name.

i had it all in my head that i'll tell him it cant work out bc we are incompatible. wrong. i learnt so much about him today. we have so much in common. he said his mom gifted him a house (hes rich af lol) and i said how would he like to design it and he said minimal. and i was like ohh me too. he said things like i dont have anything to hide from you, you can always check my phone, if we go on a honeymoon then its not about the sex but its more like the latenight deep talks, he says that im free to go wherever i want with whoever i want, as long as i tell him im still alive from time to time. he even gave me gifts which is so heartbreaking.... he gave a cute little heart bracelet which totally fits my vibe and gave me cute little cat badges bc i like cats. he was considerate enough to pour me his bottled water bc i finoshed mine and he prepared my cutleries for me. and hes so gentle with me. he even said he wanted to take photos of me with his digicam and i said i was to shy. so he didnt force it and only took 1 photo of me for the mems. he paid for my food and said i could take away some more. he offered to help me finish my dessert bc the stupid restuarant said for hygiene purposes they couldnt do it. he always called the waiter for me even tho i said i could do it myself. he even always texts me to becareful when im out and its raining. he told me the way to his heart is thru bakes. and i told him i actuallt love baking. we both have a sweet tooth too.

hes always reassuring me and i never did that for him bc i was so terrified to do it bc im scared of beimg in a relationship forever and feel trapped.

so we got home at 6pm HAHA not 7pm. bc i told him i needed to have dinner out w my mom n sis which was true btw.

we were talking about attachment styles and mine is fearful avoidant. and he just foundout his was anxious preoccupied. so he asked me if that will change things and i told him honestly yeah it will. and thats when i realised its not him thats the problem, its me. i cant accept his words and i use it against him all the time, im focused on his flaws to strengthen my need to get out of a relationship. and im bawling as i say this but i always love to sabotage relatiomships and its no womder i like emotionally unavailable men bc thats my perception of how men are. they prove im right?? and im content with having people not appreciate me? im in tears as i say this and i know im probably going to regret saying no to jid when hes the closest guy whos literally to my ideal type and i flat out rejected him bc im unable to meet his emotional needs bc im too fixated on the idea of my independence beimg compromised. thats not fair at all. he doesnt deserve that. i cant and dont even know how to deal with this problem unless i go for therapy. fuck my dad and moms relationship seriously 😂😂😂 if it werent for them i wouldnt be like this ! i wouldnt be so scared of commitment and have deep lingering trust issues. in my head im always thinking im never deserving of being in a relationship and i cant give to people. in this way, i sabotage myself. and it doesnt even feel good anymore. im so sorry jid. i wish i wasnt like this. i feel so horrible.

[frabooks]

Recensioni pazzerelle

Delitto e castigo

Writing this was a crime and reading it was a punishment.

Instead of reading this book, drink vodka in a dark room and think depressing thoughts. That will give you about the same experience and you'll have a better time.

I read the first 100 pages and found myself thinking at several rambling points, "my god I don't give a fuck."

I felt like I should have liked it, but just couldn't.

Life is short, don’t read this lol

Initially I gave this book two stars, but on reflection, I'm deducting one.

Oblomov

Incredibly boring. >100 pages about a man who can't get up >100 pages about his boring dream of happiness where nothing happens >100 pages about him being shaken a little bit by a woman >100 pages about him being afraid of what ppl would say > 100 pages about him falling in love with a nice and considerate housewife who moves her elbows all the time >100 pages about his friend and "ex-gf" being in love and wondering how that old damn Oblomov can be saved

I had to read this in my 19th Century Russian lit course in college. This is another "shoot me now, PLEASE" books.

Very slow and depressing, a good reminder of a lifestyle one should Not lead.

Il Maestro e Margherita

The Chicago Tribune wrote: “The book is by turns hilarious, mysterious, contemplative and poignant, and everywhere full of rich descriptive passages.” Hilarious and contemplative my ass, CT. This book is an interminable slog.

I understand this book is a classic. I guess any leaden, murky, plotless book can be a classic, and this is a great example of that.

I started reading this book when I was in a very bad place. Finishing this made me realise if I can survive this painfully long and tortuous piece of literature, I can do anything.

I would gladly sell my soul to Woland if he promised to erase this book from my memory!

I never review anything. Why should you care about my opinion? However, what was most disappointing to me was that this book kept appearing on multiple lists of things I might enjoy based on things I've enjoyed in the past. I expected the internet to be right, and I'm angry that it failed me.

Whoever told me The Master and Margarita is Russia's greatest literary work should be sent to Siberia.

The author died before he could finish it. I’m sure that’s why it was so…incomprehensible …

Notre Dame de Paris

i would rather have had someone shoot me in the head with a nail gun, repeatedly, than have to read this again

I was not expecting this... I am almost lost for words - unlike HUGO of course who seemed to have words coming out of his ears..boy did this guy ramble on.

What a horror of a novel! A plot that a gargoyle would have trouble swallowing, a lecherous priest, an abysmally stupid young woman, and the hunchback who loves her but but whose misunderstandings lead indirectly to her death, and all written in the sort of dreadful Gothic style I have trouble tolerating for one chapter, much less 560 pages.

Il Signore degli Anelli

Save time... watch the movies.

can be summarised as: walking, walking, walking, bit of fighting with orcs, walking, walking, walking, anguish, walking, walking, walking, bit more fighting with orcs, walking, walking, walking.

i am tempted to go out and buy a wobbly table just so I can put this book to good use.

Based on the hit movies of the same name! The author of these novelizations took way too many liberties with the story line.

The lord of the rings wasn't even really IN this book, it was about short people who could barely manage rings at all. One star.

This book is boring, insufferable from the very first page. Those hobbits took like 100 or 120 pages to go out of their homes, cross the garden and go inside the forest. Leaving a village of 30 people took them like seven human years. Close the book to never open it again. And don't watch the movie either, it's even worst.

Se questo è un uomo

ok mi dispiace della tragedia che c’è dietro a questo libro ma è leggermente ripetitivo

noia

I fratelli Karamazov

Let me save you 900 pages and untold man hours: rich Russian asshole family members drink, yell, whore, steal one another's mates, murder, more screaming, philosophizing, more screaming, no subtlety to anything, all conversation between characters so over-the-top and full of passion as to be unrelatable. This was probably one of the biggest, most drawn-out yawns I have ever committed my time to.

Shame on you Mr Dostoyevsky.

This book was torture from start to finish. I forced myself to finish it only because I very quickly decided I would not be beaten by this pile of crap.

So that was 34 hours of my life that I can’t get back.

literally traumatizing. not a slay. nobody told dostoevsky to shut the fuck up and it shows

Memorie dal sottosuolo

They should’ve left it in Russian only

“So it is hardly literature so much as a corrective punishment” A punishment for us both Dostoyevsky.

An angry book about an angry man written for angry men. Whatever this genre of book is, I hope I never read anything like it again.

If you are suffering from a toothache or just got your wisdom teeth out, read chapter 4 of notes from underground. Or maybe don’t, it will only make you feel worse.

[100hearteyes]

Looked at twitter and immediately regretted it. No one there is even taking Lucy’s feelings into consideration it’s all “oh my poor meow meow Kate” “im so sad about her looking like a kicked puppy” like ya girl FUCKED UP and yes she apologized but that doesn’t immediately fix everything it was merely the first step in the right direction. Lucy obviously needs to give Kate a chance to speak her side but she’s still processing all the hurt she went thru and doesn’t wanna give Kate the opportunity to hurt her again so she cuts her off I can’t believe ppl don’t get that. Anyways I look forward to Kate finally getting her chance in the finale and them promising to give it another try I hope since they’re both very clearly in love with the other! I actually thought this episode was quite good like it was definitely heart vs head on Lucy’s part. She’s trying to hold onto the little control she has by keeping Kate at arms distance but she gives herself away with her knowing exactly where Kate is and panicking at seeing surfer Kate, refusing to leave her side to go after the assassin while Kate’s hurt on the ground, telling her to ice her wounds and repeatedly telling Kate’s boss how lucky he is to have her, going feral on the woman who hurt Kate & even at the end her past tense confession firmly puts the ball in Kate’s court really. It’s time she puts herself out there for Lucy (only time she’s really done it is the apology since they never had their regular public date) and goes all in cause lucy is there she just needs to be shown that Kate’s all in too and that’s when she’ll stop using her head and follow her heart

I told you guys at the time not to go to Twitter 😩 it's a little bit better now but I would wait until next week if I were you, just to be sure.

I love the head vs heart analogy because if you know anything about Clexa that was like, the Main Thing, so it gives me the fondest memories 💕 and it's true. Lucy's love shows in the little things in both big and small moments, when her heart trumps her head.

I think it's interesting, actually, because it's like there's two balls. Lol. Please don't go there, you pervs. Aaaaand you went there. COME BACK. Come back, come on - that's it, that's it. Thaaat's it. Welcome back. Anyway, it's like one ball (hehe) is in Kate's court and the other ball (I'm chuckling like a lunatic while I type this) is in Lucy's. Like... Kate definitely has to do SOMETHING. But it's up to Lucy to decide whether she's ready to listen.

We'll see what happens with them balls 🤭

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[by-kilian]

(if this ask makes u uncomfortable in any way, feel free to ignore it, delete it, whatever u need to do. ur happiness matters more to me than anything else. however, i am specifically sending this not on anon, despite my incessant urge to do so as i barely ever send off anon, to give u the chance to reply to this privately if u want to. but that is if u want to! i don’t need, or want, anything from u. ur comfort outweighs any sort of recognition or interaction. i am also extremely unsure if this is gonna send properly bc i am on the tumblr app n the character limit seems to be nonexistent now? when did this happen HAHA…)

i went looking for u (scrolled thru the keyword of ur old user on tumblr, found an older ask that includes it) bc That App is talking abt That Story again. it always troubled me how things went down - i’ve experienced writers taking down their works before but never like that. orphaning works, sure. deleting ao3s, yep. but NEVER thru what u went thru. i don’t even generally go here (here being x readers), but That Story got pushed my way when the whole situation was in its hayday n i never properly paid attention to things until i caught wind of what u had to do. i had no idea it was that bad until maybe a week after the situation had been over n done with by ur actions. n i don’t blame u in the slighest. fandom culture is both extremely fun n extremely damaging - the fact u got the shortest end of the stick that i’ve ever seen is truly smth awful.

all of that aside, i am so extremely overjoyed to see ur still writing. truth be told, i hadn’t known of u before That Story, since again, my aversion to x readers. but ur writing is clearly smth special - n maybe this is extremely crude to say, i’m extremely sorry if it is - considering the way ppl acted over it. above it all, i am just happy to see that ur ok. everything is fine, as much as it can be. that fact alone leaves me content. i am SO glad u were able to push past it.

tldr, since i know this is a lot. i am so happy to see ur still kicking it, despite it all. content creation in any form is deeply personal if u put ur heart into it, n it seems like u do. i am so sorry for the way ppl treated u over That Story. i am doubly sorry if this made u feel upset in any way, shape, or form. that was not my intent, feel free to do whatever it is u need to do with this silly ask if this is the case. n maybe this is corny, but i hope more things fall in ur favor, instead of otherwise. have a nice day!

This is actually a really kind and considerate ask. I'll answer it under a cut since my response is pretty long though!

Firstly, I just want to say thank you for being thoughtful enough to consider my feelings in all of this. It's really kind of you and I'm not saying that just to say it. ❤️

Secondly, yeah. It all was a bit of a hell fire. While I wish it never happened, it obviously did but I'm happier now than I was then. Even before ThatStory blew up, my old writing blog was getting out of control and people were feeling super entitled to me, my works, what I did, and who/what I wrote about so in a way, I'm not surprised it headed that way although I never expected it to go THAT way lol. And yes, it was pretty bad but luckily it is done and over with. Fandom culture can be super fun and that's initially what it was for me--just fun before it unfortunately tipped over to the other extreme side of fandom which is toxic. It is what it is.

But to touch on your main point, thank you and it's not crude at all. I don't see your comment that way. In a way, I've come to think of it as much as well (that it must have resonated with people in some weird way) but not just with that particular story but other stories, too so it is really sweet that someone who doesn't read these kinds of stories thinks that of them as well. It also means a lot to me that someone cared enough to think about how I was doing after all this because that really hasn't been the case apart from loyal readers. Most ppl never think about me in this situation 😂 which is probably why what happened, happened. So thank you for the kind words. I'm fine. Like I said, happier now than I was in my previous blog. I've come to think that it's all meant to be. I get a lot more freedom here, I have the sweetest, most loyal readers, and no one feels entitled to my works, my time, or what I do.

Also you didn't upset me at all. While it's admittedly irritating to see people still talking about that shit a literal year and three months or so later, that has nothing to do with you so no worries. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to check up on me, and thank you for being so kind. Content creation is super personal and I do put my heart into it, so it means a lot to me that you see that 🥺! Truly.

I'm touched that there are still kind, good, decent people out there because for you to take the time to look for me and send me something lovely truly means a lot, especially considering you weren't necessarily a reader of mine--just clearly a kind, thoughtful human being. I can't express how much I appreciate it. Honestly. Thank you so so much for the lovely sentiments, and I hope all is well for you in the future as well. ❤️❤️❤️

[serowotonin]

˗ˏˋ 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘄 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀 ˎˊ˗

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 ` sakusa kiyoomi ` 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 ` 1.2k ` 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲 ` pure crack ` 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁 ` hcs `

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ` umm idk what this is.. lowkey based off real events? midnight ramblings? yeah that kind of thing i guess... also big thank you to @kaguol​  for giving this a read (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) `

it was sports day at your school and most of the events were over and done with but the teachers didnt allow anyone to leave yet cuz,,,, reasons✨

which is why some of the students kinda just flocked to the gym to chill and maybe play around

that was until somebody suggested they host an unofficial, volleyball game

the net was still up nobody bothered to put it down so yeaahhh

rules of the game were simple: there were none, except keep the ball in the air and get it over the net…however you can

at first only a few ppl played… the “energetic” and “athletic” ones and it still seemed like a typical volleyball game

then more ppl started joining

and it slowly started getting more chaotic

it got to the point where the entire gym was the court

there were ppl running around chasing the ball, others just hitting it as hard as they can in practically any direction, then there were those who just stood there cuz everyone else was standing there so why not ??

now sakusa didn’t want to be there

he was tired because his class had signed him up for ALL the running events

why? well cuz he was tHe OnLy AtHLeCtiC PeRsOn in his class

utter bullshit btw

he plays volleyball hes not a runner

but still ended up winning tons of races just cuz… it was him💅✨ no explanation needed

n e wayss he was tired and wanted nothing more than to go home and take a nice long shower

but ofc the students of itachiyama wouldn’t let him

some of them dragged him into the game early on

again, because he was aThLeTiC ~

but this time they actually got the sport right lolol

honestly he was lowkey annoyed at how un-volleyball the game started to become but continued playing it anyway

it was hilarious how the others tried to receive even his weakest, half-assed spikes

sakusa always made sure to aim his spikes directly at ppl’s arms tho

not out of consideration for their pride or anything no no 

it was cuz whenever the ball touched the ground the ENTIRE gym groaned rlly loud and there’d be ppl going “NOOOOOOOO” 

and that annoyed tf out of him so he was nice with his spikes

then there was you

you were outside with one of your friends when the whole volleyball thing started and only came to the gym cuz the rest of your friends were in there

so you walked in, scanned the crowd, immediately noticed your crush *cough*sakusa*cough* and then found your friends standing in a group on the other side of the gym

now here’s the thing

sakusa has a crush™️ on you too. took him a while to realize and accept it but he did and now he officially has a crush on you

he just hadn’t really gotten around to the idea of asking you out or anything

mainly cuz he just very recently realized his feelings aka last night he was thinking about all the events he had to do for sports day and he groaned cuz ppl made him do it but then he realized ppl wasn’t actually ppl it was just you

you were the one who smiled at him and said “why not sakkun,, it’d be fun” and like that he agreed. then he realized further he actually thought about you a lot. like earlier he was thinking about how’d you look tmr since u weren’t gonna be in normal school uniform and you’d have your hair all done. and then he realized he was looking forward to seeing you which led him to realize you were one of the few ppl he actually enjoyed being around. THEN he fucking finally realized “oh… i have a crush…. on y/n……. oh”

somewhat conflicted abt it for the entirety of the day,,, bois experiencing feels for u ofc its gonna take some time >.<

he didn’t get to talk to you all day though,,,,,, he was busy with his own events and you were elsewhere

either way,, when he saw you walking past in the gym he kind of lost focus

lost focus in that the ball was coming to him and he jumped to spike it but only had his eyes on you causing his aim to mess up and well,,

he hit his target

*your head*

and because he wasn’t focused, it wasn’t a “soft” spike like all the other ones hes been doing 

it was a full-blown sakusa kiyoomi spike

that hit your face

(;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)

sakusa just went: ᶠᵘᶜᵏ

you saw stars,,,,,,,, and fell on ur bum

like a split second later, you heard a calm voice asking if you were ok. you muttered out a yeah and felt arms helping you up

one of them was your friend you were pretty sure, but the other one’s hands were too big to be any of your friends’

“let’s get you to the nurse,” the calm voice said again. 

“mkay,, thats probably.. a smart choice.. yeah….” and, vision still blurry, you were guided to the nurse by your friend and someone whose identity you weren’t sure of yet

sakusa was still standing there

all that, the spike hitting you, you falling, your being escorted to the clinic,,,,, that happened in like 2 seconds

he didn’t even have time to say anything yet

to make matters worse, some random ass guy was the one who came and swept you out of the gym

sure your friend was with you but to sakusa,,, that guy sus af

after they left, the game continued and sakusa rlly didn’t feel like playing anymore

he wanted to make sure you were okay and wanted to apologize 

however,,,, the teachers came in shortly after and told them it was time for the closing ceremony

throughout the entire thing, his eyes flit through the crowds looking for you

he couldn’t find you tho>:((

big sad

after the ceremony was over,, he went to the clinic but you weren’t there

then he just kinda,,, /slump/

figured he’d just pull you aside tmr and apologize then

except,,, tmr came and he still hadnt found a good time to pull you aside for a proper apology?? 

you were just so… busy.?

finally,, at around lunch after you finished eating, you kinda just sat with your friends and were talking and stuff when sakusa decided now would be an appropriate time to apologize

he walked up to you and asked if you two could talk in private for a bit

your friends shot glances at each other. he saw,, but he didnt let it bother him

anyways,, he led you out into the hall and in the softest tone he could manage he says, “about yesterday… i’m really sorry, spiked the ball a bit too hard.. how are you feeling?”

you tell him ur fine,, just that it aches a bit but nothing serious

he nods and mutters another ‘sorry..’

then this happened:

“no it’s ok you don’t have to be so sorry. accidents happen.”

“it wasn’t an accident tho..? so im sorry, it wont happen again.”

“yeah ok,, wAIT WHAT?? wdym not an accident?!?? u spiked the ball into my face on purpose?!?!!?!?”

“WHAT NO- ofc not. i just,,, i kind of lost focus… on other things… at the time… and yeah”

“????”

*sighs* “i was focused on you when you walked past and didn’t consciously control my aim or whatever and ended up spiking it into your face”

“?!?!?!??…. why were you focused on me??”

“cuz i like you dummy” /it slipped he didnt mean to say this/

“oh.... wAIT WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

and that is the story of how sakusa confessed

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ` honestly think it would be better as a fic but uh,,, my lazy ass cant be bothered to write fics rn so uh,, hope this was good for now? lol might mess around and write one later tho.. maybe `

[neon-junkie]

Yes, Mr. Bell - Male Reader

Summary: Your camp member with benefits, Micah, confesses his darker kinks to you, and for some reason, you decide to let him have his way with you.

Pairing: Micah Bell x m!Reader

Word Count: 3835 

Rating: NSFW

Tags: Gunplay, Gun kink, Object insertion, Bondage, BDSM, dom!Micah, sub!Reader, Slapping, Spanking, Slight humiliation, Spit, BJ’s, Creampie, Fingering, Choking, Breath play.

Notes: Finally, the gunkink fic. I’ve always wanted to write this but never had any requests for it. I was gonna do it anyway, but when I re-opened my requests I had like 5 ppl ask for it, so here it is!!!

Female Version is in my masterlist!

How did you end up in this mess? You're not quite sure. Well, you know how you ended up here, but at the same time, you don't. Out of all the camp members that you could have picked out, you'd somehow tripped over and fallen into sleeping with this mess of a man, Micah Bell himself. Just like the rest of the camp, he'd flirted every so often with you and you got a satisfying itch out of flirting back with him, seeing his face turn red as he realized that for once, somebody was actually paying attention to him. Only the more you flirted, the more Micah began to chase after you, his attention fading from the other camp members and turning all his focus onto you. He'd managed to catch a moment alone with you on the outskirts of camp at Sean's return party, leading to you being pinned against a tree as his lips finally met yours, and yes, running your tongue along his chin scar and slipping it into his mouth did spark a fire inside of him, just as you thought it would. 

This man had continued to surprise you as he seemed to actually be more than satisfying in bed, but the more you slept with him, the more his... interesting kinks came out. There was the stuff you viewed as somewhat generic, like being blindfolded or tied down to the bed, but Micah had confessed a handful of darker kinks that he'd always been itching to try one night when he was drunk with you sprawled over his lap. Micah almost picked you up and carried you off to bed when you replied that you'd be down for it, but you hushed him and told him to wait until he's sober, to which he agreed and spent the rest of the night making out with you instead. You weren't surprised when a few days later, Micah had told you to pack your bags and saddle up your horse, taking you away from camp for a few days. He'd lead you to an abandoned cabin that was surprisingly in good shape. Of course, you questioned how Micah had found the cabin, but he assured you that he found it like this and the owner hadn't been seen for quite a while, so you believed him and decided not to question it anymore. So, that was how you ended up in this mess, watching as Micah finishes up tying your other ankle to your thigh, keeping your legs bent whilst bound. He grins at the sight as he finishes the final knot, spreading your legs apart however he pleases, his eyes flicking up to check on the ropes that are securing your wrists to the bedpost. At least he was generous enough to place the pillow beneath your head, keeping you comfortable whilst restrained and helpless. If someone had told you a few months back when Micah first joined the gang that you would eventually allow this man to tie you to the bed whilst licking his lips at you as if you were a piece of meat, then you would have laughed at them. But you're here, your mind coming back to reality as Micah lands a harsh slap to your ass. "If only you could see yourself, sweetheart. All bound up for me. Prettiest thing I've ever seen," Micah tells you as he rubs over your cheeks, calming the sting from his slap. "Now, I've got a few rules for ya', alright?" Micah asks. "Mhmm," you say with a nod, watching as Micah sits back on his knees on the bed. "Firstly, you've gotta refer to me as Mr. Bell. Secondly, you do what I tell you to, whenever I tell you. And thirdly, if you want me to stop then just say it, alright, darlin'?" he questions. "Alright," you say with a nod. "Mr. Bell," you quickly add on. "Good boy. Fast learner, ain'tcha?" Micah grins, spreading your legs far apart as he speaks. He keeps one hand on your leg, the other moving up to press two fingers against your lips. "You know what to do, darlin'," he instructs you. Your mouth falls open and your tongue flattens out, drawing Micahs fingers in and sucking on them. He lets out a pleasing hum as you slick his fingers up, his eyes locked onto yours, his other hand trailing up and down your thigh, often fiddling with the ropes as he admires his handiwork. When he's satisfied with how damp his fingers are, he pulls them from your mouth, moving his hand down and slipping them into your hole. Micah knows you can take it, and although there is a slight squeeze, he pushes both of his fingers in, turning them over and curling them as he looks for that spot inside of you. You let out a moan, your eyes trailing down to watch Micahs fingers disappear inside of you. He's slow at first, clearly teasing you, beginning to test your patience and limits. Micah finally picks up the pace once he does find your prostate. He tuts at the way you move your legs, trying to bridge the gap and squeeze your thighs together, but Micah pushes them apart as she shakes his head disapprovingly. "Be good," is all he tells you, flashing you a disapproving look before moving his attention back to your ass. You can already hear how wet you are as Micah curls his fingers even more and begins to fuck you aggressively with them, knowing exactly how to turn you into a whimpering mess. Another finger is pushed into you, and Micah lets out a "good boy," as he watches his third finger disappear inside of you. Micahs other hand moves off your thigh to begin playing with your balls, massaging them a lot gentler than you imagined. Once he's satisfied with how prepped you are, he pulls his fingers from you, wiping them off on his white jeans. Micah unbuttons his shirt, leaving it to hang open, then undoes his pants. He pulls out his cock, already hard and throbbing, eager to be inside of you. He positions himself comfortably whilst stroking his cock, and finally slides into you, pushing himself all the way in as he lets out a satisfied sigh. "Three fingers inside of you and you're still tight," Micah comments as he draws his cock most of the way out, only to slam it inside of you a few seconds later. Micah quickly tucks his hair behind his ears before moving his hands to settle on your legs, holding them apart as he begins to roll his hips. Within a few minutes, Micahs picked up his pace and is now slamming into you, panting through gritted teeth, his eyes flicking between watching your expressions and watching his cock disappear inside of you. One hand moves off your leg to grip onto the bedpost above your head, his body towering over you. Somehow, the slightly changed position seems to make Micahs cock go even deeper inside of you, the tip hitting your core, making your head spin. You're already a moaning mess and he's barely even started, though you can tell from the way his cock begins to throb inside of you that he's close. His other hand finds its way to your throat and begins to squeeze, but not hard enough to make your head spin heavily. It's almost as if he was teasing you, knowing damn well how much you enjoy a firm hand around your neck. Your eyes flick down to watch Micahs cock disappear inside of you. "Eyes on me, sweetheart," Micah tells you with a sudden slap to your cheek, holding your face afterward, squishing your cheeks together as he tilts your head up to look at him, his hand no longer around your throat. Your eyes meet Micahs, and he grins from ear to ear at the sight of you. "I like this side of you, you know," Micah begins. "So submissive, in the nude and lettin' me do whatever I want to you, whilst I'm still here in my clothes," he says with a chuckle. "Whos this ass belong to, sweetheart?" Micah asks. "You, Mr. Bell," you inform him, your eyes fixated on his. "Go on, say it again, but tell me this time," Micah orders again. "My ass belongs to you, Mr. Bell," you tell him. Micah grins again as he moves his hand from your cheeks back onto your throat, giving you a pleasant squeeze. "Good boy," Micah replies, drawing out his words. "And Micahs gonna use it however he wants, ain't he?" Micah asks. "Yes, Mr. Bell," you say with a nod. "And to think, I thought I was gonna have to train you. Seems you're just the naturally submissive type, ain'tcha?" Micah coos, giving your throat a tighter squeeze. His grip is too tight for a verbal response, so you nod in agreement as your lips part, your head beginning to spin as it rolls back against the pillow. Micah turns his attention back to thrusting into you, and within a few thrusts, his balls begin to feel heavy again. Suddenly, he slips his cock from you and lifts his hand off your throat. Micah shuffles about on the bed so he can bring his cock to your mouth instead, slipping into it despite the slightly awkward position. He places one hand on the back of your head and holds you still, thrusting his hips into you, refusing to stop despite your gagging and the drool running from the corners of your mouth. He lets out a whimper as he cums down your throat, his cock twitching as you choke on him. He's considerate enough to quickly pull out, letting you swallow most of his load and catch your breath, the rest of it trickling down your chin and settling on your chest. Micah shuffles off the bed and admires the state you're already in as he kicks off his pants, leaving them inside out on the floor. Once you've composed yourself, you watch as Micah turns his attention away and picks up his gunbelt, pulling out one of his customized revolvers. You watch as he unloads it, leaving the bullets on the table, and flicks it shut. There's a grin on his face as he turns back to you, and you tilt your head in confusion, though you have a rough idea of what he plans to do with it. Micah shuffles back onto the bed, settling below your legs, his eyes locked onto yours. "You gonna let me do it?" he asks. "Yeah," you say with a nod, making Micah grin even more. "Now, just for your sanity, I'll show you that it's empty," Micah says as he flicks the cylinder open and shows you clearly that there are no bullets inside. Micah shuts it and points it to the roof, pulling the trigger more than a handful of times. Obviously, nothing fires. "I'll even put the safety lock on for you," he says as he does it. You hear a click as he locks it. "How sweet of you," you say with a smirk. Micah shakes his head at you as he says "shame on me for tryna reassure you." "I'm just playin'. I appreciate the reassurance," you reply. "Good," Micah says. "Now, where were we?" Micah places his revolver on your stomach, moving his hand to slip two fingers back into your hole, still dripping wet from moments ago. He lets out an "ooh" as he pumps his fingers into you a few times before pulling them out. He shuffles back a pace or two so he can lie on his side, propping himself up on one elbow, looking rather comfortable whilst you're still bound to the bed. Micah picks up his revolver and holds it by the barrel. He presses the base of the handle against your ass and slowly circles your hole, slicking his gun up with your juices. "Shit," Micah sighs, his cock beginning to get hard again. "I ain't even pushed it into you yet and I'm already losing myself at the sight," Micah compliments as he continues to rut the base against your hole, his cock growing harder by the second. Finally, Micah tilts his gun slightly, making it easier to slip into you. He takes his time, slowly inserting the handle, watching as the grip disappears inside of you. He lets out a sigh as it finally sinks all the way inside, a stranger and foreign feeling, but a welcome one. Micah begins to fuck you with his gun, making you roll your head back against the pillow as a string of moans escape your lips. "So pretty," Micah sighs as he hungrily watches one of the few things he cares about sink inside of you. He continues to fuck you with the handle, loving the way your thigh muscles begin to shake. "Keep them legs spread," Micah orders you and you try your hardest to keep them open, your knees beginning to ache from being bound for so long. You're surprised when Micah tilts his gun slightly to the side, giving him some space to he can dip his head down and pop one of your balls into his mouth. His facial hair brushes nicely against the base of your cock, his tongue lapping over your sack as he moves back and forth between them, his gun still fucking you. The urge to reach down and push Micahs face down onto your cock is strong, though he's bound you far too well and you're unable to break free. So, you watch through half-lidded eyes as he plays with them, neglecting your cock because you don't deserve that pleasure. "Come on, sweetheart. Cum on my gun, won'tcha?" Micah asks, though you know it's an order. "Can't wait to use that thing knowing that you've cum from it," Micah says with a chuckle, his laughter moving to the back of his throat as he moves his mouth back onto your balls. Another few thrusts and flicks of his tongue and you're cumming. You clench tightly around Micahs revolver, soaking the rest of the handle, your legs struggling to stay apart as your body shakes. You're surprised he's managed to make you cum without actually touching your cock, your seed pooling on your stomach and chest. Micah, the asshole that he is, continues to flick his tongue over your overly-stimulated balls, making you whimper and whine as he drags out your orgasm. "Micah," you sigh, though his mouth refuses to move away from you. "Mr. Bell," you correct yourself, and Micahs eyes flick up to yours, though his tongue doesn't stop its attack. "Much better," Micah tells you as he finally lifts his head up, shuffling up onto his knees. He slips his gun from you and gazes over it, admiring how soaked you'd left his firearm. "Open up and hold it," Micah orders you as he brings the gun to your mouth, making you bite down on the handle. The flavour of yourself surrounds your mouth, dancing on your tongue and trailing over your lips. Micah moves his hand away and you have to hold the gun a little firmer, almost accidentally dropping the firearm but managing to keep it firmly in your mouth. Micah can't help but grin at the sight of you, still bound with your ankles against your thighs and your hands to the bedposts. The sight of his gun wedged between your lips makes his cock throb, precum dripping from the tip which he uses to slick himself up before pushing back into you. The sensation of Micah re-entering you when you've barely recovered from your climax is enough to start you up again, whimpering against the handle of his revolver as he begins to thrust into you. "Give," Micah says as he puts his hand out, letting you drop his gun into his palm. He wipes your spit off on his shirt and takes hold of his revolver, his finger ghosting over the trigger but nowhere near it, despite it being empty with the safety lock on. "Open that mouth of yours," Micah orders as he taps the barrel against your cheek. You do so, your tongue sticking out in the process, awaiting another order. He lets out a chuckle as his other hand takes a hold of your cheeks, squishing them ever so slightly but not enough to shut your mouth. Micah leans over you, pushing his cock deep inside of you in the process, and spits into your mouth. Most of his spit hits your tongue, but a small trail runs across your cheek. "Thank you, Mr. Bell," you say as Micah removes his hand, swallowing his spit as you keep eye contact with him. You notice the way Micah shivers at the sight, watching you lick your lips after you swallowed without him ordering you to. He shakes his head a little to help bring his focus back to fucking you, starting up his thrusts again. "You missed a bit," Micah tells you. He uses the end of the gun's barrel to wipe the small trail of spit from your cheek, presenting it over to your mouth. You part your lips and allow Micah to push the gun into your mouth, only an inch deep so you can swirl your tongue around it and lick off Micah's spit. Micah has to stop thrusting again because his mind is so focused on you, almost drooling as he watches you suck the barrel of his revolver, the taste of smoke and gunpowder becoming heavy on your tongue. You open your mouth again, moving your head back so his gun slips from your mouth. "Something a matter, Mr. Bell?" you ask, before sliding your tongue out and letting the tip of the barrel rest against it. Micah snaps out of another gaze, realizing he's been so focused on the sight of your mouth playing with his precious gun that he let his guard down. "Don't get smart with me, boy," Micah replies as he lands a harsh slap on your ass, your cheek stinging a little from the contact. Micah begins to fuck you again, a lot rougher this time, and keeps the barrel of his gun pressed against your tongue. He's rolling his hips perfectly, brushing against that spot inside of you. There's another harsh slap to your ass, making you whimper against the barrel. Micah grins and does it again, over and over until your cheeks begin to sting. "Stop tryna close them legs," he orders you, moving his hand from your ass to push your legs apart. "Sorry, Mr. Bell," you reply, your lips brushing against the barrel. Micah moves his gun from your lips, placing it on the bedside table and using the same hand, he grips hold of your throat, hitting those spots under your jawline oh-so-perfectly. He's squeezing a lot harder than earlier, admitting the way your eyes roll shut and your head thuds against the pillow. Micahs other hand moves to your cock, lazily stroking you, his grip barely tight enough to satisfy you. The sensation of blood rushing around your brain gets heavier and heavier but Micah keeps his grip firm, watching your chest rise and fall as he continues to fuck you. He lets go at just the right time, grinning as you gulp down a load of air, your mind slowly becoming clear as you come back to reality. "That always makes your ass tight," Micah tells you with a laugh. "Come on, boy. Need you that tight around me again so I can finish," he informs you. Micah quickly finds the perfect balance, jerking your cock as he thrusts his cock into you. He knows your orgasm is near from the way your muscles begin to shake, your body trembling beneath him. "Go on, cum for me, sweetheart," Micah coos, watching patiently and finally letting out a satisfied hum as you tighten around his cock, moaning away as your orgasm takes you, more of your own cum spurting over your chest. Micah thrusts into you a few more times, letting out a "shit!" as he empties his balls deep inside of you. His breathing becomes heavy, panting as he tries to catch his breath from however long the two of you had been at it. Once he's caught most of his breath, he dips his head down to steal a quick kiss from you, pulling a face at the taste of gunpowder that his revolver had left on you. You watch as Micah slips out of you, shuffling up to his feet and heading over to his gunbelt on the dining table. He pulls his knife from it and gently cuts away at your binds, finally freeing you from the bed. You let out a satisfied sigh, standing up and stretching, though no matter how much you stretch, you can't quite shake the numbness from your joints. Micah puts his knife away and begins to clean himself up, passing you the rag so you can sort yourself out. He peels off his shirt, leaving him nude, and scurries into bed, fluffing up the pillows and waiting for you to join him. After a much-needed drink, though it doesn't quite remove the taste of his gun from your lips, you join him in bed, still stretching your limbs every so often. "Need a hand?" Micah asks as you fidget again.   "How can you help?" you ask. "Could give you a massage," he replies. You pull an odd face, but Micah assures you that he knows what he's doing, and to your surprise, he does. His hands knead nicely at the parts that ache, and once you're satisfied, he lies back down and pulls you against his chest. "Did you enjoy that?" Micah asks. "I did. I didn't realize you knew how to give massages," you say as you shut your eyes. "I ain't on about that." "I enjoyed fucking your gun, yes," you reply. "If they ever go missing, you'll know who has them," you say with a laugh. "Let me do it for you," he says with a kiss to your forehead. "Oh, I will. I saw the way you were drooling at that sight, Micah," you tease. "Can you blame me? Pretty boy clenching around my revolver, how could I not drool at that?" Micah replies, trying his best not to sound too defensive. "Fair point," you say with a laugh, burying your head into the curve of Micahs neck a little more. Micah pulls the blankets up even more, ensuring you're comfortably tucked under them, before tightening his grip on you. His cheek rests against the top of your head, and within minutes, the two of you are sound asleep, looking a lot more peaceful than you were not too long ago.

[andersfels]

i spent a long time dealing with comphet and the fear of being the stereotype of "a bisexual is actually lesbian and it was just a phase" so i didn't address my sexuality for actual years despite knowing the truth deep, deep in the back of my head.

i told myself that i was polyam (which i am,) but because i wanted a gf AND a bf, because a gf could be there for romantic/sexual reasons, and i would have a bf simply bc i couldn't give up the idea that i should or could have a bf.

lesbians go through *so much* just to get to the point where we feel like we're ALLOWED to be who we are, that we're not losing something or betraying people by accepting that we're lesbians.

there is a different process than for other people, because we have to go through so much more than accepting attraction to women. we have to deal with the fact that we are not attracted to men. we have to accept that we don't have to be, that we don't need to be, and nothing horrible will happen or be lost when we accept that.

and it's HARD, even in lgbt circles. part of my comphet was quite literally reinforced in queer spaces by a combination of other ppl projecting their comphet + misogyny. there are huge sections of the queer community that still treat lesbians and questioning lesbians like we're weird for not liking men, and they centralize everything around men still.

lesbians do not have it easy. the process of accepting ourselves is not fucking easy. spaces are not made welcoming for us, not even within the community half the time; and frankly, people who aren't lesbians are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to that fact.

it's hard to be aware of the difficulties other people face that you don't, and often i think its exacerbated by the fact that a lot of non lesbian sapphics don't like to think there is a difference between us. but there is. lesbians do have experiences and difficulties and face alienation that other people do not face, or do not face in the same way at all.

and when misoginy is piled on top of everything...the simple fact is that the world was designed for men, around men, centralizing men. and people who have men in their lives, in their sexualities (which is not a bad thing at all, I'm not shaming,) literally cannot comprehend how extremely difficult it is to exist in a world where you don't like men. and there are very barely any spaces that make room for people who don't like men, or even take us into consideration.

and I'm not saying this as "ah people who like men are more privileged than us!" because everyone in the community faces their own specific difficulties; but believe me when i say, lesbians are given far less room for exploration, self acceptance, and safety. those are the things we struggle with.

it's even commonly observed that the default assumption for queer people is that all men - even bi men - are assumed gay, and all women are assumed bi (for male attention, by the worst people.) because it's not about a hierarchy of lgbt oppression, it's about addressing the fact that sexism and the patriarchy exists even within the lgbt and it affects lesbians very much in particular.

lesbians need room to talk about this shit without getting shouted out for "competing" with oppression. its not a comparison to point out that our experiences are just different!! and i can't talk about those differences for other communities because I'm not in them. but the fact that i also can't talk about my OWN experience of difference from other queer people without being told to shut up quite literally proves my point.

please take the time to listen to listen to lesbians. i hope all of you have lesbians in your life that you CAN listen to. ask about what they deal with, the difficulties they face, what makes spaces unwelcoming for them. learn what's different, and see if you can make changes in your behavior, consideration, and spaces to help.

change and understanding has to start within the community, among people we consider to be allies first.

[gingus-doon]

Mishima for the character ask!

thank u for asking about one of my faves 😭😭💕

what i like about him

- THERE'S SO MUCH TO LIKE! first of all, he's very caring and that's just so endearing!! stg he would adopt like at least half of the cast unofficially had they not been in a death game / simulation– and his eccentricity makes him so much more interesting, as well! he's such a down to earth guy who's very sociable and nice but he's also pretty weird sjdbsn. the way he stands, his appearance, the way he throws (apparently) to his weird laugh. then there's also that scene where keiji told him he made the air smell like oil paint (WHICH SOUNDED LIKE SOME KIND OF JOKEY INSULT NGL) and mishima is like SO PLEASED about it??? AND IN REKO'S FONDNESS EVENT (1st i think) WHERE SHE JUST BERATES HIM BUT THEN MISHIMA'S LIKE "ACTUALLY THIS MAKES ME WANT TO BEFRIEND YOU MORE" SKFKSDN

i also just love his humility!! it's so funny sometimes, like when nao gives him that godawful bathing suit aND HE JUST AGREES TO WEAR IT FOR THE SAKE OF HER FEELINGS?? his willingness to work with people, as well, like how he didn't suggest gin take his cape off and how he literally took the time to draw on some shoes just for the sake of alice's safety. and then in that same fondness event, HE PROCEEDS TO BE ASSERTIVE IN THE KINDEST POSSIBLE MANNER LMAO. not to mention the selflessness in his sacrifice for nao?? like he's just too good and considerate and odd, we have to stan

—

what i don't like about him

- OOF there's not much for me to say for this part tbh KDKSDN. ignoring no-smoking signs is pretty bad akdjsj. i could say hypocrisy, as mishima also judged alice by his appearance, but i find that a very human flaw so it makes me like him more actually haha.

perhaps one thing that i actually was Spooked by was the existence in tragedy ending of ytts. it's really jarring and a little disturbing to see mishima so caught up in this own survival that his allies drop from his mind entirely (even nao!) but i can't really fault him for that since it is, again, a very human trait and it gives him depth. it's just spooky to see the juxtaposition of him caring so much to not even having them in mind, esp if you get one of the other endings first.

—

favourite scene

- there are sooo many good ones, it's hard to choose, but one of the ones i always think of is that leaf fondness event with gin!! i love mishima's consideration for gin's feelings (as mentioned before) and really, it's just so stupid and wholesome. like you'd think he'd would be smarter than to go back and forth like that but nope, gin's the one who comes in with the common sense akhsjdnns.

—

favourite line

- off the top of my head (as all these answers have been ekfhs) I LOVE HOW HE RESPONDS TO KANNA'S INQUIRY WITH "I'm eternally young, so I wouldn't know." LIKE THAT'S LITERALLY THE SMOOTHEST QUESTION DODGE EVER. WHAT A G LMFAO

—

favourite outfit

- ik he doesn't change outfits in the game but what if his default outfit was a dress shirt and a suit sjfhsjdn. i can't imagine him in casual clothes help 😭 i also considered turtlenecks but actually i think that would be kai's thing

—

otp

- of course keishima 😔😔 i could just go on about how perfect they are for each other for hours lmao. keiji is also the only person i ship with mishima?? like kaishima is ok i guess but it just doesn't hit the serotonin like keishima 👊 shunshima is alright too but i think i'd prefer it platonically

—

brotp

- my bias towards the characters is absolutely being exposed because it's not nao, but instead shin and hinako– reko too!!

though it's less of a brotp and more of me thinking that mishima would be a father figure to them AKDHSDJFJ. for an actual brotp in terms of friendship rather than mentorship, i think kai and q-taro would be really good friends with mishima and would b more like peers than pupils to him sjfhdj

—

headcannon

- i just think it'd be neat if mishima was one of those kinds of teachers who had an array of colourful and playful ties with a wide variety of dress shirt colours :> also maybe fun socks

—

unpopular opinion

- i'm really not exactly sure! the popular opinion on mishima seems to be that he's awesome, which i agree with lolol. and i haven't seen any content for him which i disagree with in particular (i think) so i don't really have any opinions to go against lol.

if i had to say something, though, i guess it'd be that he's not perfect ? as evidenced by the smoking thing (kazumi mishima is now a morally grey character because he ignores no smoking signs lmao) and the existence in tragedy ending, and any other subtle lapses in a flawless image. though, i don't think mishima is trying to keep up a flawless image so much as a moral one around children! he seems okay to discuss or touch on his deeper feelings in conversation in order to connect with people, and i think that's very neat

and i don't blame people for perceiving him as flawless, i often also struggle to grasp at whatever his more serious character flaws would be! especially since i usually write him with keiji, and keiji is... The Most Flawed so mishima comes off as an even better person in comparison.

—

a wish

- i don't think i have any wishes for mishima's character in the main game? like i don't expect him to come back to life or anything ajdhksn. SO, my wish is that nankidai will double up on the fondness events so that we'll see mishima from other people's perspective!! LIKE I AM SERIOUSLY HOPING FOR THIS SO HARD I NEED TO SEE KEIJI AND MISHIMA INTERACT MORE (and other ppl as well SKRHJSNS)

—

an oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

- i know this would like, definitely not happen because there's absolutely no good reason at ALL for this to happen, but it'd break my heart if there was a twist pulled like woaahhh mishima's actually a bad guy wjdhd. that goes against the whole message of "don't judge a book by its cover" that his character conveys 😭😭 honestly i probably wouldn't even think about evil mishima if it wasn't for that ai thing in chap 2. THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP, WHEN I REPLAYED YTTD AFTER PLAYING YTTS I WAS JUST LIKE "HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE THE MEMORY OF KAZUMI MISHIMA LIKE THAT YOU BASTARDS"

—

5 words to describe him

- funky uncle with misleading appearance !

—

my nickname for him

- i don't really have one haha. i just call him mishima– though sometimes i do like to use full names for the characters so i will just be out here typing "kazumi mishima" in its entirety sjdbns.

i have hc nicknames for what other people would call him though! other people being keiji JSFHS. "kazu" or "mishi"

[urlocalbunny]

getting to know aaron.

let's talk about things you could notice in Aaron. That was a request made by a follower and I'm excited to work on it! The things I’m taking in consideration DO NOT come from headcanons of mine. They’re based on my perceptions of the canon content.

First things first, he doesn't do many unnecessary things or things that don't make sense to him. He's very simple to understand in every single action that he takes, and I like to think that because of his upbringing and story, that's what he's known and likes to do. He is kind of a brute to people but to me he’s pretty much soft, people are just too weak or think everyone should be the perfect LI, maybe bc i am kind of rough myself???

Aaron isn't the type of person to want something quiet like Vlad and Raph do, but neither is the life of the party like Bel and Ethan. He said it himself, he likes bars, some beer, something in the chill side, more intimate. Just chilling, ya feel me?

He's not really the type to understand some jokes with a lot of depth or sarcasm bc well, he doesn't really need to use them, he's the bluntest man in the manor and he doesn't need to hide things or say them in different ways to get than the shortest, more effective way.

He's the kind of person to enjoy nature and the natural course of things, the wilderness and life without too much changes from the natural, maybe because of the way he lived for 15 years in the pack. He doesn't need anything too fancy to feel nice.

He enjoys poetry though, as you can check in chapter 7. To me it translated that he can understand certain complexities in feelings very accurately, but doesn't understand why one would try to make the way they act or talk less simple on a day to day basis.

In terms of style he is the simple up to date. Probably changes with time just to make sure it stays easy and comfortable to dress but is always the clothes that people seem as "simple" and "functional, but not classy" bc that's just not him. He likes things simple.

He is very pack-oriented and takes care of the people he knows and lives with. He doesn't think twice about sacrifices and he has some sick hero complex. He didn't hesitate to save Eloise even if his life was on the line in more than one occasion (the two main one are the ones where he dies, Vlad 10 bad ending and Aaron 10 bad ending) and he didn't mind making Constance his chalice when Ivan was dying to have her paying for life, even if he had to feed from her and take her wherever he went.

While he has the best intentions and he's really smart as I let you know before, Aaron is kind of dumb when it comes to keeping his cool and managing his emotions. He's kind of aggressive sometimes, but he can be violent on his actions when it comes to the people he protects and this is a problem, because he can't keep his cool when it counts. That might cause some... Altercations (cough cough he broke Ethan's head on Ivan bad ending and say he should die.) that are very uncalled for.

While he is very old, he's not some problematic bogus like some other people in the series Ethan and he pretty much knows that it's important to praise, teach and try many times with a lover. Even when he fights with Eloise, he never really forgets how important it is to talk things out and come back to her after each and every error in the relationship. Which is something the op likes ;) 

He really think if himself as some sort of crazy freak because damn, he doesn't want to let anybody in is life even when he knows the circumstances made most of the crucial moments on his life be full of violence and he was just a victim of society's evolution and issues for hundreds of years. (Ofc op doesn't think everything he did was right, but it was to survive and they still have stories where they were subjects of their society just like evryone is, as it's said a few times by Eloise and other people that talk about vampirism such as vlad.)

He is very sorrowful and thinks life is as it is, no running, no changing. That's why sometimes he gives some kind of blunt advice to Elo in many routes! (All of them honestly, we stan a good gossip with a trustable, hot and wise friend) and she's like "damn, he didn't have to say it like that but he's right...”

What i actually like about him is that even if he’s mostly serious, he’s very cute and easygoing, he’s sociable too and very chill, he’s not an introvert like vlad or not too much of a social butterfly either. To op that’s super attractive lol

Even if he doesn’t undermine people for any sexist, racist or just dumb reasons, he believes that you need to know how to fight or be strong enough if you want to have your opinions taken into consideration, which is stupid in my opinion. (see his training lessons and the meeting at chapter 6, the option to leave the manor when he says “stay put” makes him say that he understands that Eloise wants to help, but it’s useless bc the murderer is too powerful, yet, she proves him wrong!) Eloise proves to him that she’s strong and reliable, and more brave than himself so.. kissy kissy hehe

is really patient and takes consent seriously from day ONE. he’s also very sincere and appreciates being told the truth just how ppl feel it. Eloise put a finger on his face in vlad’s route and he asked to be informal bc they were friends so... boy likes the truth hehe

pretty much your big gentle-not-so-gentle giant friend that gives u neck breaking hugs and likes to walk in the nature and jog with you.

OP THINKS THAT SOMETIMES PEOPLE IN BEEMOOV PURPOSEFULLY ANTAGONIZE AARON BC THEY REALLY LIKE THE BIG BAD WOLF TROPE AND THAT’S UTTER BULLSHIT. EVERYONE FIGHTS AARON AT SOME POINT AND THAT’S STUPID. GO TO HELL you bunch of #@$#%$# and $#$%$ and &*¨@$%@$! ppl that automatically antagonize or KILL the big mean brown dude for everything thanks.

i might edit this with more info as time goes by.

[magicflowershop]

one day kitty; Kita version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

kita was having a good time by himself in his grandmother’s rice fields, feeling the breeze like the precious farm boi he is,,, when he saw a cat sleeping on a wet patch in the middle of the field

gathering concern for the little cat, he brought him home and decided to clean it up 

then you woke up

you felt something scrubbing your back when you open your eyes you see a guy aiming a hose at you 

you scream bc obv, but that scream translated into a screech leaving your mouth and you see your hand

homie that was a paw

why do u have a paw?????

"stay still, you might hurt yourself”

and why is there a Kita Shinsuke spraying water at you lmao

you see that he’s kinda annoyed that you’re moving so much while he’s trying to clean you up but at the same time you arent sure since he isnt easy to read and that don’t know him too well rip so you let yourself be cleaned for free ig

but yo what the hell??? so you’re a cat now????

you try to remember what happened before all this and how in the world you suddenly turned into a cat and magically wake up in Kita’s place 

you dont know the exact location of his place so you have no idea how to get back home from here

Kita pulled the cat closer to him, and wiping the wet fur with a towel as generously as he could that the cat soon found comfort from his gentle caresses

okay maybe you could stay for a while yk huehue

“you’re having fun”

you hear a familiar voice from a mile away, you look back and see a fat, creepy cat standing on two of its hind feet

o wait

you saw that cat last night when you were watching the shooting star outside,,, you thought it’d be cute if you suddenly wished for something so you did then that thing appeared outta nowhere promising you that he can make your wish come true than compared to a stupid star

so he forced the wish outta you

that you wished to be closer to a guy you admired,, and you had a lot of crushes in your school ykyk,,, just that Kita takes the entire cake

“you have until midnight to remain as a cat. be sure to leisurely fulfill your desires, y/n.”

and so he vanished

while knowing full well you’re basically Cinderella now, you take consideration of your leisure time with Kita-sama

do you stay or do you go home first to check on your household

“oh what do we have here?”

Kita’s grandma entered the scene and you think that okay maybe this development is a little too quick since you weren’t ready to face his relatives yet

“i found this cat in the fields. it looked like it could get sick so i cleaned it”

o yea you were a damn cat

also Kita calls you freakin “it”

:) 

pennywise who

you chose to stay in Kita’s place bc grandma thought it’d be lovely to let you stay there for a while,, and that you looked like you were starving when you saw the food on the table

thank goodness you were a cat bc jesus were you actually drooling

so you spent time in Kita’s place big deal

but his place isn’t what you’re aimed for no?

“i’m leaving”

Kita says putting on his shoes, ready to leave and he’s wearing casual clothes,, you don’t think he’s going to school for volleyball practice

IS HE GOING ON A DATE????????????

lmao

as if thats actually true cmon Kita doesn’t even hang out with girls that much,,, even though he prolly has a bunch of admirers like the other Inarizaki Vball bois

but what if he swang that wae?

??????????

so you followed him right?

you wanted to find out where he’s headed also that he looked good in casual clothes you just want to keep looking at him like this 

Kita went to the grocery store

ah

and apparently he was buying ingredients to make food

ahh

so you begin to think that you were foolish for lowkey gate-keeping him

like sis cmon you’re a cat rn keep your head in the game,, what do you do with those paws of yours that cant even grab his hand and pull him away when he was about to bump into a girl as he was about to grab a bottle of tomato paste

heck you cant even get inside the damn grocery store and walk in between them cause you’re a fcking cat!!!!!!!!

you watch their mouths say sorries to each other

the girl was blushing

hm?

Kita looked worried that he couldve hurt her since the hag was coverin her face

hm

nani k

n̸̢̪̜͚͑́̾́̑̋ á̴̠̜̳͖̼̃͗̚͘͠ͅ n̵̼͙͇̻̹̓͜͜ i̷̥̲̻̪͈̞̙̩͛̾̅̓͝͝͠ ̶̨̡̜̞̟͆̿̈́͜ḵ̶̂̓̀̚ o̶͎͛̋̋̊͋̊̅̈̅ͅ r̶͙̮̱͊̎͠ ę̷̺̪͎͈̗̖̯̣͍͒͊̒͆͂̈́͛́̒̃

you started tapping the glass windows like mad SKSKD

and ofc since you’re a stray animal ppl wont let u get away with absolutely anything so one personnel saw you tapping the windows and shouted at you from inside the store

Kita and the hag saw you and yea that was enough embarrassment for the day, you ran away and let your feet take you wherever 

its a bit boring that since its a weekend there’s nothing to do,, you never expected that Kita’s weekends would be this boring too :(

so the creepy cat appeared

“what’s wrong you dont seem to be enjoying yourself anymore”

“turn me back to human i need to finish my homework”

maybe thats not the most liable excuse you have but it is true that you need to finish an assignment

“but i gave you a chance to be with the person you admire, no? is this not enough?”

“yea well its-”

“here you are”

you feel someone pick you up and you see that it was Kita:0he must’ve looked for you since you dont even know where you are

oh my god Kita Shinsuke looked for you ma’am eye- or mayhaps you took the route back to his house without knowing since you were busy staring at him when you were stalking him earlier ye

you watched how he looked at the creepy cat you were talking to and and judged it from head to hind feet lmao Kita

“do you have the same owner as this cat?”

he asked you and you gave out every ounce of your energy to shake your head as a no as well as to let out the most disgusted and disapproval meow you ever could-

“the hell would i want to be acquainted with that thing!”

a

what

no way did u just speak

so Kita stared at you for the remainder of the time but decided you speaking isnt physically possible and that he could’ve been real tired since he saw the Miya twins along the way

he took you back home since his grandma seemed to be real happy seeing a little animal in the house with them

but you didnt miss to see the little knowing smile from the creepy cat from earlier, you just knew from that alone that he was messing with you since as you said you were bored 

it was wrong of you to talk to that lil disgusting thing

since that moment you refused to speak with your mouth every again, if you were going to speak thought you would probably just purposely say meow only to not make anymore mistakes

also you’re spending a lot of time with Kita’s grandma than Kita himself

“i wonder what your future spouse is doing at this moment, Shin-kun”

Kita looked like he wanted to roll his eyes so bad lmao since he always hears things about his grandma wanting to see his wedding before she dies :c

and yk it makes you sad too just hearing about this

and you want to help 😔

and you would offer help 😌

they heard the cat speak and now you’re running away bc they heard you talk about wanting to marry Shinsuke 🤡

the day ended and you managed to go home before the sun set basically nothing happened and your transformation was all for nuttin, you were bamboozled by a demon cat you randomly saw one night

the next day you were back to your human self and it was a school day so ofc you have to live on normally in school as if nothing happened, as if you didnt just stalk a guy from your school but we’ll get to that

see, you’re friends are friends with a few of the guys from your school’s volleyball team,,, so you’re within vicinity of Kita’s attention 

when you explicitly did not want to see him atm

BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU LIKE KITA

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO NOW

you decided to run away but you realize that’s useless bc you’re all going home together :D

now you weren’t the crowds type of person,, you had no idea how it come to this, you’re used to hanging out with your girlfriends yes but they were having fun altogether like this it was fun just watching them goof off and whatnot

“hey”

when i told you you’re almost dropped the second you hear Kita calling to you, you best believe

you said hey but in a different tone of voice bc it was too early for him to notice you had the same voice as the cat he saw yesterday,,, then you both walked in silence

you couldnt take it anymore and decided to go to the nearest convenience store since you had something you want to buy,, you went and whispered this to your friends but when they were asking you to let your voice out, you were deadass croaking

but then you clown yourself sum more bc Kita was concerned of you acting like this and asked if you were alright

now you’re stuck with him in the convenience store bc your friends and his friends thought it’d be a great idea for him to go with you :D

“you should eat something warm before going to sleep, and take a warm bath too”

:((((((

okay now you feel bad for actually making him worry lol

your alibi of getting sick works really well with not speaking at all around him so you used this till the end thinking you can escape him with this until it rained and you dont have an umbrella with you

aight y/n you’re one hell of a clutz

Kita was enough of a gentleman to buy an umbrella for you until its actually out of stock

you guys stayed in the convenience store for the time being

you were losing your mind

how much longer will you stay with him

you thought of an alibi to save you from the embarrassment so you told him you gotta jet and go back to school bc you forgot to bring your notebook with you 

but now you realize you realize you didnt have to tell him bc he’ll still follow you as if his life depends on taking care of you :(

after you randomly stormed out of the convenience store, he caught up to you and pulled you somewhere where there’s a roof over

“are you usually this reckless? or do you just like getting yourself sick?”

homie does not hold back

he pulled a spare shirt from his back and put it on your head,, proceeding to wipe your wet hair with it until he realized he’s subconsciously invading your personal space

he looked right at you, so you two were standing there,,, staring,, his hands on both sides of your head,,,,, both of y’all are wet hunni

he let go and turned the other way,,, the darkness wasnt dark enough to conceal his red cheeks and hunni you made him blush aight

“you reminded me of a cat i saw yesterday im sorry about that”

“you dont have to apologize”

o sis you did it now

you s p o k e

so Kita was beyond surprised to hear that voice again,,,, and this time from yOU,, ALL NORMAL,, NO FROGS

“i, i can explain”

he looked at you confused, hell was he so confused, that you sounded exactly like the voice he randomly heard yesterday which made him think that came from the cat,, he didnt think that was physically possible bc yk but the embarrassment from your face was enough for him to guess

“did you really say you’re willing to marry me”

gOD

“i mean,,, i don’t mind”

“grandma would be glad”

stay tuned for more!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Thoughts on rizzy 👀

jdndkdndidndidn ok so if u wanted a rizzy-positive answer...... avert ur eyes

the one thing positive (?) i can say about rizzy is that it really brought us some of the softest raphael moments, but i also lowkey hate that cuz wow, we really got him to talk about his sister, his past, see some of his interests, his softness, his pains, his smiles because of rizzy... so it's all related to rizzy 💀 which is why you might see some gifsets from rizzy scenes in my blog, i think this might have been what brought this on. i enjoy those scenes as scenes that establish raphael's character, but not as rizzy

and shoutout to sh as usual for only bothering with giving a coc depth, backstory, desires and etc when they were someone's love interest and then dropping them like a hot potato. like bro imagine if they had at least bothered with keeping raphael's characterisation consistent? id be over the moon already. if they had actually made him a person like when rizzy was a thing for the whole show on top of that?? fuck i think id explode in happiness

other than that..... i hate everything about it. and like, it being based on addiction aside (which is already, like, bad, but i could maybe ship them in an alternate reality where the addiction wasn't a thing and they were fine if it was only that), the whole thing was literally Izzy Treats Raphael Like Shit And Then Raphael Is Villainized For It

im not even gonna get into the whole "raphael is blamed for the yin fen thing for some fucking reason when that was not his fucking fault and no one questions this" thing because ive done it before and i might explode with rage if i do, lol. that fucking plotline would have never been handled like that if raphael wasn't latino and therefore a predator drug dealer stereotype. but ANYWAY

those are the two things that i see anti rizzy shippers talking about the most, but those are actually not what bothers me the most. what really drives me up the wall and is just vomiting emoji is the way izzy treats raphael. that's the dealbreaker for me and something that never gets acknowledged

like, for starters, raphael was once again shown to be one of the most caring and selfless characters in this piece of shit stupid show, when he saved izzy's life when she was stupid enough to actually go to a vampire den. she had done nothing but be shitty to him and the vampires up to that point, mind you (which some ppl in this fandom treat as like #GirlPower or something) but he still saved her life for no reason other than that was the right thing to do

and then she immediately, the same second, tried to trigger him into drinking her blood. and he kept telling her no and pushing her away and she was literally GRABBING him and slitting her wrist and then he caved, at great personal cost, which she didn't care about

fine

then we get her going after him again, and raphael, again, being the caring and selfless bastard that he is, does something so monumentally kind and dangerous that it still blows me away: he tells her about his addiction

and i know that ppl in this fandom love to act as if every single thing raphael did for the sake of other characters, particularly the shadowhunters and simon, is just, like, expected and no big deal. but raphael didn't owe izzy that. he didn't have to tell izzy that. hell, he didn't even have to save izzy's life when she went to the den, for all he knew it was all a trick or something. and telling her, someone he doesn't even know, a shadowhunter, not only one of his greatest secrets, not only one of his greatest vulnerabilities, but the single hardest and most painful moment of his life, a whole can of worms about his past that he just bared to her just like that, was just. so much. it was such a huge thing that he did for her, okay. and let's not forget that raphael is a private person, both for survival and because he just is

he basically opened up his biggest wound and showed it to her only because it could bring her some sort of comfort. it wouldn't even help her greatly. it wouldn't even change anything about her situation. it would bring just maybe a little bit of comfort and advice, at great personal cost, way greater than the good it would bring her. and he still did it, because raphael cares, especially when he sees someone going through something he went through as well. just so he could tell her that it gets better, that she's not alone. that he understands

and she fucking!! immediately!!!! uses that against him!!!!!! and continues to try to trigger his addiction again and again and again and again!!!! may i just say, WHAT THE FUCK

EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to get him to drink her blood, it's not consensual, it's forced. he always hesitates, always tries to push her away, always turns his head. and she just pushes him anyway. even after she knows that he's been through this before. that it almost destroyed him. she knows exactly what she's triggering and bringing on, and she! does! it! anyway!!

watching some of the rizzy scenes, particularly the one where they are cooking together, makes me want to cry for him, because it's so obvious that what he's looking for is a deeper connection, someone to trust, to love, and what she's looking for is someone to satisfy her need. and look, i know addiction is terrible. but he's ALSO addicted. and again, i've met plenty of ppl who struggled with addiction, and they were able of, you know, not treating others like this

it drives me crazy! raphael lets her into his home, teaches her how to cook, opens up about the SINGLE SECRET ABOUT HIM THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT EXCEPT FOR MAGNUS, and generally tries to have a good time with her, and not only does she immediately make his attempt at having a meaningful bonding time about him drinking her blood, but does it RIGHT AFTER HE TELLS HER ABOUT HIS SISTER??? it literally goes "here is my deepest most important secret that pains me greatly and is destroying me inside. oh, i said too much. i should have kept my mouth shut" "i'd rather you didn't *slits own wrist and makes him drink her blood*". like, girl, at least a word of comfort first??? a "you can tell me whatever you like"? an "i'm fucking sorry for your loss" maybe???????????? SHE TREATED HIM LIKE AN OBJECT

and also SHOUT THE FUCK OUT to "i didn't take you for a community service kind of guy", which granted is a minor thing to be upset about in the middle of this shitstorm, but still makes me want to rip my hair off. girl!! he's been doing nothing ever since you first met but helping you selflessly and getting only PAIN in return. like is she for real??? he went out of his way SO many times to help her, when he had NO reason to, not a single one. and she's still like "oh wow raphael cares about others?? im shocked" UDBDIDNDKSMSOSNSOSNSISBSUSBDUDBDIDNDIDNDI ARE YOU SERIOUSSSS

it's really such a revealing moment to me because it really shows that she didn't give any thought about everything he'd done for her. all the endless kindness and care, in the literal sense of TAKING CARE OF, that he offered her without a second thought. she never stopped to think about what it cost him. the fact that he didn't OWE IT TO HER, and thus it says something about his CHARACTER, because he CHOSE to help her. over and over and over again!!! AFTER SHE BETRAYED HIM MORE THAN ONCE. it never even crossed her mind! she just took it for granted, like it's what he was supposed to do, or something

and then!!!!!!! even after they go their separate ways!! and raphael is STILL caring for her and making sure she's okay! she decides to betray him one last time and have simon threaten his sister!!! and ill be honest i dont remember the reason for this, but i do remember that it wasn't fucking life and death, so like!!! it was just unnecessarily cruel and shitty of her and the biggest FUCK YOU to him and his trust. AND IT WASN'T NECESSARY AT ALL. like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and at this point izzy was recovering so it's just like. i get that before that we were literally seeing izzy at her ugliest, she even fought alec and said some shit that she definitely didn't mean at all and that was shitty and hurtful. so like obviously we were seeing izzy in her darkest, worst, most selfish, most hurt. which is why i can maybe cut her some slack for some shit (also i just realized i literally forgot that she straight up THREATENED HIM WITH A KNIFE god there is really So Much To Unpack Here), but at that point? at that point she had no excuse. she was recovering. this didn't even have anything to do with her addiction anyway. she was just proving that raphael's trust, his care, his fucking feelings, they meant nothing to her

like seriously! she could at least have the decency to go, after raphael was very obviously kind and considerate to me, maybe i should not conspire against him and bring forward his most important secret? i don't think i'm asking her for much here

and it also ends a circle of raphael opening up to her and trusting her and she betraying that trust EVERY SINGLE TIME! the literal single only thing he told her that she didn't use against him was his asexuality. which look, thank god, cuz that would have been way too ugly and uncalled for, but the bar is low here

(ok, maybe rizzy gets a shoutout for having raphael's asexuality be treated so naturally. especially coming from such an overtly sexual character like izzy. it was nice to have that. i also think that her whole line about how for the first time sex wasn't a big part of a relationship for her could have been explored in so many interesting ways. like it is obvious that izzy uses her sexuality as a way to gain confidence and prove her value and it would be cool to see that being addressed beyond throwaway lines, maybe talk a bit about hypersexualization of woc. but this is shadowhunters we're talking about so of course nah)

so like okay izzy gets a Not An Aphobe But Still Shitty badge for basically using raphael like he existed to provide her. and in short this is why i can't get into rizzy, not even in a very very alternate reality where it all went different and the way they met had nothing to do with addiction. because she really didn't care enough about him and he deserves so much better than this

and again, i know that izzy was at her damn lowest in that point, but i think that even if she weren't, ultimately their incompatibility still lies there - raphael is too selfless and izzy is not attuned to that. she would take what he offered and not really spare it a thought, even if she didn't mean to like, Use Him (cuz i dont think izzy meant to use him even in canon), like it was just expected. and he wouldn't point that out. and it would be. ugh

and yeah i think that summarizes my thoughts dudndjdn im sorry for the angry very long rant, i just started talking and it all was pouring out suddenly. i promise im not mad, i just...... have strong feelings about this whole thing

[banglatown]

How do I get over a 9 month talking stage that failed? He essentially led me on and blurred the lines pretending to have feelings, we slept together twice. He just now turned around saying he never wanted a relationship. I feel so stupid and used. I still talk to him in my head :(

awe baby :( i’m so sorry, that’s horrible 😞💔

men are so shit ugh 😪 literally all of them suck

but all i can say is that these things take time, i understand tht you feel betrayed as you gave so much of yourself to him only for him to turn out to be a c*nt but … when ppl show you who they are, believe them, don’t try and be understanding of him and his issues now, he’s already shown you what type of a prick he is … for the time being he’s going to steer clear until he wants you again .. and then you fuck him off, actually, block him rn, don’t even give him the facility to try and weasel his way back to you

but, in terms of actively doing things, start trying to learn abt yourself again, give yourself the energy you gave him when trying to learn abt his likes and interests, i feel like so often when we enter a situationship, we spend sm time and energy trying to learn abt tht person, we forget tht we also owe ourselves tht care and consideration, so yh, do that, do the things you couldn’t do bc he was too much of a wet blanket to do them lmao .. go out w your friends, you can either chat shit abt him or tell them abt how hurt you are, either or is a good option lol but yh

but something my therapist told me to do was make a list of everything YOU want in a ideal partner and once you’ve got the bulk of it down, you should notice tht he doesn’t fit any of them SO BOY BYE

do yourself good my darling, you’ll get through this 🧚🏽‍♀️💖💓💕