#if this fails ig people just dont like them lol

[weirdcat1213]

I'm gonna try something

hey people of trigun tumblr, if you like cool both long and short edits, feel free to go to my page and look up "trigun edit" to watch some cool stuff :3

[ilynpilled]

i truly do find it kinda silly when ppl dont grasp that u cannot act like the narcissistic and self-absorbed behavior thats present in lannisters contradicts deeply rooted and intense self-hatred or low self-esteem. like the former doesnt at all dispute the latter lol it showcases it more than anything honestly

[killjpeg-reblogs]

I'm kinda freaking out that im a failing adult just from social standpoint. Im so fucking unpleasant to have around

[dappersautismcreature]

i mean, bad did kill and try to kill red a lot on the first day, along with blue team and green team lol. lore-wise, red team don’t like either teams tbh because of that. they hold a grudge lol

yesterday, bad and tubbo came to red’s spawn and tried to kill foolish and baghera (tbh i didn’t watch the full vod so i don’t even know if there was a reason?), and failed. bad begging to spawnkill foolish probs didn’t make him look good either lmaoo

the only reason red is having this temporary alliance with green is to let them have a win which they def deserve. also it makes sense for them to balance the scores since we still don’t know who the cursed team is!

this is just my opinion ^ i mostly main red so hopefully i was able to shine a light as to their motives and why they do see bad the way they do. they very much are roleplaying most of this event, so a majority of the actions taken against them are going to be considered lore n stuff and treated as such

i see the points of lore and roleplay but ok, if you dont know landduo's dynamic (foolish n bad) i think bad would spawnkill him outside of this death game, just for fun, like theyre tom n jerry but they both think its absolutely hilarious. foolish was even like "go ahead dude"

and day two, green found blue's base and plundered it,, blue doesnt have a vendetta against green, not really. red also killed missa yesterday, and almost found their base, they had to hide in a cave.

bad is playing somewhat dirty tactics because honestly his team doesnt have good pvp-ers. like, red has manpower and numbers, plus philza and carre are like, near etoiles level of pvp. lets say if pvp is 1-100, etoiles is 90, and philza is like 80, idk carre very well but hes like 85ish i think. Bad is one of blue's best pvp-ers (i think pac is technically the best on blue, and then tubbo probs) bad is like a 70ish, not as good as people make him out to be, he's better on a team.

because of etoiles, people think that bad is a pvp machine, but like, he's better at the long game. he's better when he can work on a team and figure out long term strategies

so of course him and blue are gonna use 'dirtier' strats because due to numbers and pvp skills they cant take either of the other teams in head on combat. they cant, theyd get blasted.

TLDR: all of this means, basically, i get its rp, but it feels misplaced and unfair. maybe i need to blame the characters ig, i think the hanging onto revenge is one of their worst traits. revenge makes for good rp, i get that, but its not useful for the long term goals of the islanders, imo. plus it makes it hard for bad to go "hey can we hang out?" because he isnt gonna apologize for doing what he did because its wasnt unfairly cruel, esp compared to what red's done. like,, its frustrating.

in rp they can go "you're a monster!" but when qbad just, isnt,, idk how bad's supposed to respond to that, ya know?

[pangyham]

sorry to anyone who has to see this HAHAHA i think it's a little fun to ramble to.. a void i guess. i'm typing this under the assumption no one's gonna read it, let alone find it, so, sure, i'll talk!

on pangytine, my current and only instagram account, i sometimes get these spontaneous urges to post a huge a long overdue thank-you paragraph to my followers on my story. gratitude for indulging my artistic endeavors when i still had tangypine. i just never did it because.. well it's kinda.. cheesy... i had no idea how to deliver it in a way that didn't seem dramatic or "humble" because cmon, i'm not that relevant. It felt a bit weird addressing it because it just made it seem like i was this huge influencer who suddenly disappeared (and yes i know i was technically considered a big artist on both ig and twitter but.. it's not like i was unique; i think.. the state of Fandom and the art community these past few years makes accumulating thousands of followers a little less unattainable, and i was one of those artists. and my work is not phenomenal- i did not leave an impact on the art community. but these nuances will just have to be generalized for now because i think you all know what i mean) and so i couldn't help but laugh and cringe and think, "i am not this relevant-" because i really wasn't. why make a big deal out of it?

but i can't help it being a little dramatic though, because i still get emails from my followers asking where i am, and i get comments and messages on pangytine ("i finally found you!"), and i even get messages from my shop's contact form! a shop that i've abandoned for months! and my heart swells. I don't want to dismiss that; i think i will always be a sensitive, emotional person and so stuff like this just makes me overwhelmed. it's sweet, and it will never fail to make me a little bit nostalgic and thankful. I will always have a soft spot for tangypine and my time spent in the anime + genshin communities… i dunno.. people are just so kind and i'm thankful i've encountered a lot of them

i've been a lot less.. chronically online (LOL) that the thought of having 200k followers is completely foreign to me. i forget that i had a huge following, that people actually looked at my stuff. I dont mean for this to come across as modesty though because i'm just being honest, truly. but this just makes the occasional "where are you? i miss your art" hit a little harder 🥲 i mean, i was able to somehow sell my art through tangypine. i was able to do commissions.. had so many say they loved my art- of course a part of me misses that. i don't think i yearn for it, and knowing that makes me a little sad.

i genuinely am thankful for every kind comment people have left me, and every kind message. I think i'm just ultimately thankful i had a kind following. people are so nice! and that's what i wanted to say, that's all ive always wanted to say before i deleted my accounts. here it is

aha and again i dont really expect anyone to see this (except maybe a few handful just because my very first post here has a whopping 4 notes, me included, and that genuinely shocked me HAHAHA). perhaps i just find closure in publishing these particular thoughts somewhere, and here they are sorry this is cringe to the people who read it. my friend once told me i'm notorious for overexplaining. This is will be the only time i get to say this, so gah whatever. i don't think i can bring myself to post this lengthy ramble on my more public account on instagram

[dogwittaablog]

not him replying to that onlyfans girl saying “ya” he would date her. Bruh what… do u think he would have seriously dated Paige Lorenze if she remained interested? I mean he still liked her thirst traps for awhile even after their mutual follow so I’m assuming she was the one to cut off their talking stage. I don’t remember who followed who first so pls remind me. Give me your thoughts on Paige Lorenze!! And her friend Emma macdonald ik they were hardcore trying to get with hockey guys before they switched to other sports. Crazy how some girls only want to be wags no matter the sport like what is this obsession with being a wag I don’t get it

I am not too sure if they even followed one another? I don't recall I wasn't around to witness it but by the seams of it through online sleuthing, it doesn't seem like they followed one another or if they didn't think it lasted long. I don't think anything went down between them, maybe some DM's exchanged but that's about it, I'm pre sure she got back with her ex or moved on right after to another guy when this was all going down, so NP was clearly not her only option.

Thoughts on Paige Lorenze and Emma Macdonald... yeah I definetly am not a fan of those kind of white girls that are clearly look obsessed, dont have much substance and are overall fake, that whole mean girl vibes radiate in both of them pretty clear. Paige Lorenze comes off intolerable but Emma is 10x worse. They're probably only "friends" with one another because they know collectively a lot of people don't like them and run back to being "besties" every 6 months when their other friendships fail.

I've always found it amusing how Emma was obsessed and hung up on Trevor Zegras for the longest time and was always trying to allude to the fact they were talking/hooking up. TZ I understand has a charming persona to him... but really babe? LOL. Her voice and the way she speaks genuinely makes me want to shoot myself in the head in all honesty. Her accepting the fact that she was never going to be cuffed by him to then start a relationship months later with an NBA player to then get engaged very shortly after is something I wouldn't say super surprising but just crazy. Those girls would do anything for any sort of WAG title and lifestyle.

This is the comment referencing NP and her were hooking up lol. As mentioned before I don't think it happened.

Eh if I recall properly Paige was actually the one to initiate first by liking one of his ig pics. NP has liked some of her pics over the years but I dont think he was running up her profile like crazy with liking and wanting her attention at the time, his ego definitely went up to the moon knowing someone like her was interested in him. Unsure if they were mutual at a point, but wouldn’t be surprised if they just followed one another for a couple hours lmao.

I remember watching someone do a video analysis of there body language and it was actually funny af and seems pretty accurate to her character… she evidently cares more about how she looks and getting a good ig pic more than her man winning a title. She’s like an overly calculated content robot 💀

*found it*

Edit: I think he would've been down to date her for sure but at the same time I cannot see him actually manage and be able to maintain a girl like that, and I don't really feel like he's the kind of person who'd be able to handle someone trying to film and make content all the time, especially when it involves him lol.

[candy8448]

Playing Twilight Princess for the first time

Lakebed Temple and the Master Sword

---------

This was over two sessions a while apart but ill just put it in one post

Got in, nothing much to say, spent a while at the very start figuring out i had to use a bomb arrow to make those steps.

But went thru, not much to say,

But it is kind of a challenge keeping track of where you went and what doors you saw and how to get back to them so you can explore them later once you did this thing,

Its actually kind of fun

Im liking this dungeon

But its a zelda water dungeon (not botw and totk flavour) so idk

Maybe it will get hard

I was also seeing the clawshot holds everywhere and from the begining of entering, i guessed that this would be the dungen item, and i was right >:)

Anyways, what am i supposed to do with this information?

Got up there by accident but okay

Im so used to the sksw double clawshots so it felt weird to not be able to aim and grab onto the next bit while already hanging

(One more point towards sksw)

Anyways i got stuck in that room with the cogs and the abbys down below, so next time i decide to play ig i will use a tutorial for just that room

...

Forever later i came back and i finished the temple quickly, didnt end up using a video, safe to say i hate underwater fighting

Anyways, the midna's lamnent (which i thought would be later in the game) was kinda less impactful cuz it kept getting interupted by the battle music which i HATE normally but it was made worse by ruining the sequence. Also it didnt really make sense where to go at first. I did not think of going to telma so i used a tutorial video which told me that.

But midna's ragged, pained breaths and i think her thinking she is going to die, only to tell zelda to help us in order to help our own world instead of the twili realm, the way the music stops... dang, that was good

Anyways i did that and now im writing as i go along

Photobomb XD

Im in the sacred grove and the sequence to follow skull kid is annoying. Those wooden puppet things dont give ytou a chance to use the [B] attack so i ignored them and just went for the kid. I do like how its like oot where when you face the correct direction, the lost woods theme plays. When i heard it kick in i got so happy, i love that tune.

Anyways im now at the guardian puzzle game and its so annoying >:(

After many times of restarting and failing and figuring how they work andgetting them in this position

I realised i had to get them both on opposite sides so that took me another ages

Then i realised i had to get them in the rows of three at the top. I got them there but on the same line and then realised i had to be very careful and then i got them into this position

Then two moves later and i did it!!

I was so tempted to give up and use a video but then my stuborness got me there in my own and now i feel good.

Anyways time to grab the master sword

Heh i kinda wanna draw this

I can transform when i want! Im so efficient now in both fights and travelling! :D it was so annoying to get somewhere before!

Anyways, ive seen people shipping link with shad so ive been preparing to meet him to see if the ship works. I feel lile an older sivliing trying to make sure that the guy their youbger brother is dating is good for them lol

DUDE! >:(

You can RIDE THEM?!?!?!?!? The BOARS?!?!?

Anyways i left it there. This post way way longer since it happened over two play sessions

[orviposition]

what do you think would be the pros and cons of an orv anime

hmm im kinda of the unpopular opinion crowd here bcs i genuinely think that orv would translate well over the anime medium (if the animation is not bad and they don't screw up the plot and the pacing). as far as im aware, orv rights for an anime adaptation of a few hundred episodes (as well as 5 movies/5 drama seasons) have been sold to realize pictures (dont ask me anything else about this cuz i have no idea who or what they are) and while i Would prefer them being sold to a well-known jpn studio instead, maybe, hopefully, fingers crossed, not all hope is lost

now as for pros, i honestly don't have many to add. if it's successful, ig this means rise in fame, more viewers and readers, more fan content, more money to singshong etc etc!! the usual package that comes with popularity

and as for cons, my biggest issue would be with the way orv gets marketed. i do Not want to see it be sold to people as a companion/rival series to solo leveling and the like. orv is not like solo leveling at all. this is just personal opinion here but sl is fantasy/action and thats about it. it only excells in those fields and fails at everything else. the characters with the exception of sjw are non memorable. it's a series with a dudebro audience in mind and thats exactly what it attracted. orv on the other hand, while also fantasy/action as one of the genres, is much more deeper than that. in fact, i could go so far and say that most of the dudebros that have read it came across orv bcs a sl fan has recommended it to them. and why would they downgrade sl in their eyes is smth for them to find out but anyway. if i one day come across a 2hr long video on yt being some heated debate between two guys over whether yjh can beat kdj in a fight I'll riot actually. ive had enough with naruto thank you very much

another "con" I'd say would be the fan content, resulting directly in a lot of discourse, hence orv fandom being yet another toxic fanbase on the internet. (god knows some guys on reddit already associate jd shippers with mha fandom for some reason lol like sure bestie just say u read the book with your eyes closed and move on jfc)

[artemis-moon101]

9 and/or 11 for overly personal asks? No pressure if it's too personal lol

yes finally!!! Also i know i have unhealthy coping mechanisms no i cant stop and no im not going to.

9 - do you cry? why or why not?

Yeah. Uncontrollably. Kidding- well most of the time. Ive learned to hold my breath until i stop but sometimes (like that one time in math class. ugh) once i start breathing again i cry again. I try not to cry infront of other people though because its awkward for them and shows weakness, and i need to be scary (they wont hurt me if theyre scared of me. this does not work i will not stop)

11 - tell me about your last failed friendship.

I dont have that many so im just going to list them. 1, Childhood friends, grew up together, moved away, i made a mistake and we havent talked since. 2, we werent friends yet, she died before we couldve been, we were in 3rd grade. 3, it was my fault. I was young and stupid but the mistakes i made were nessacary. I try not to think about this one- but i cant help it. It seeps through the cracks of my life. The people involved are still my some of my classes. Long story short, i hate pick-mes, people hate drama, i cause drama. I dont even know if they think about me at all. Probably not. The pick me? We were never friends. Fucking hate that girl. Its unfair. I took her friends away from her. She deserved it. She was a child. So was i. So are we. ANYWAYS--- thanks for letting me vent ig. you dont have to read all that if you dont want to. The tldr is bolded if you want to skip my ramblings

[butchmartyr]

Hi! I'm getting married (soonish, we haven't set a date yet) to a transfemme who is early in their transition. I met them when they were 18 and j a depressed anxious socially awkward nerd and over the past like ~year I've watched them blossom into themself (it's magical). But as a tme person sometimes i feel like I'm not fit to be the main person supporting them during this journey, bc they don't have any irl tgirl/transfem friends.

Do you have any suggestions? I'm always trying to learn more about transmisogyny. I took them to get an affirming haircut by a woman I met on Lex, I help with makeup. I've been trying to help them make friends bc they still do have like, a diagnosed social phobia lol. I think it'd be good if I WASNT the main support for this stuff in many ways. And they are like 10x as confident now that they present more authentically, but it's a process. And idk. I know them rly well and love them a lot but I worry sometimes that I'm somehow hurting them or doing the wrong thing.

I know I can't do everything for them (codependency lol) but I want to be the best partner I can be. I'm always asking what they want but sometimes it's like, j figuring out as we go bc it's all new. So what would YOU want from a tme partner ig? How do you assume I could be helpful, better, etc?

Feel free not to respond if this is too much. I don't mean to be putting too much on you. I'm just trying to treat my fiance better and better each day (failing sometimes).

hello and congrats!!! first off this is so touching and aaaa. my god. anyway.

it sounds like you’re really on the right track for sure :) friends are extremely important especially for ppl in minority groups that make socializing harder, so trying to help to her get out of her shell and get to know other people is certainly a great idea; both because she deserves having something of a social group, and because like you say, trans friends can be really critical. i can’t speak with authority since I don’t know you & your situation, but it could definitely help with supporting her and whatnot; i value my transfem friends irl a lot and they’re wonderful with buoying my transition. im not sure id say you’re ‘not fit’ for it unless you dont want to be, since there’s a lot of ways to support and be there for someone’s transition. my femme is tme and she has been wonderful with my transition and helping me explore different gender stuff by helping me with womens clothes, sometimes a little makeup, and her support when im mixing things up with my presentation. she’s happy to change and play with her vocab too; when i realized i like being called pretty from time to time now she works it into when she’s teasing me or being sweet, things like that.

as far as other things id want to see in a tme partner, the willingness to look at transmisogyny and learn about it and work it over is pretty important to me; but it sounds like you’re already working on this, so just keep your mind open with a clear heart. if you make a mistake, trust that you can learn from it and move on. id also say to let her be the one to define and speak about her transition and her past as well, and not to get tripped up on gender too much; i had an ex who was a lesbian and hated hearing me talk about my past as a boy. was very unfortunate. so keep an open mind and if you don’t understand something or you’d like to understand more, try not to be too afraid to ask; I can’t speak for her exactly, but I can say i really don’t mind getting asked about gender stuff or transmisogyny since it shows that someone cares and also gives me a chance to make sure we’re on the same page. and also, while this may be a little risqué, so long as she’s not ace or something id think about making sure you touch and love on her body holistically. a lot of trans women don’t get touched like how cis and other women do, so don’t be afraid to get a little handsy if she doesn’t mind it. having our bodies be actively wanted (touching sides, thighs, etc) can be really very wonderful when we’re taught that we’re repulsive in every way that matters.

so tl;dr: getting her more friends is a great idea for a milieu of reasons! don’t walk on eggshells with transmisogyny too much, just keep an open mind and maybe think about biases sometimes but don’t let it get to your beat and beat you up over it. but I think your concern sounds like it might be a sign that you care and are gonna try, and if that’s the case then approach any issues that come up from an angle of love and i think it should buff out. anyone wanna chime in in the replies?

[froggowivdagudvibes]

Vent under cut, tw suicide

For at least a year now i have found it really hard to draw anything besides small doodles if one very specific oc (who actually came about because of the fact i couldnt draw).

I dont have the best mental health, and it goes especially downhill in the winter (like everyone ig), and in the past drawing has been a way for me to escape from everything.

As of about a year ago i have found it both emotionally and physically really hard to even just put a pencil to paper (when i say physically i mean i cant bring myself to move my hand). It now takes a few hours of mental preparation to draw anything, even the smallest things, besides pidge (the oc i mentioned i can draw).

This winter i think has been the hardest, loneliest few months of my life - at points ive felt suicidal, which is nothing new really but its been a lot more common than usual.

My 3 best friends are all incredibke artists and i feel like crying sometimes when we hang out cuz they just create these masterpieces, drawings i would spend weeks on and then never stop showing everyone i meet because im so proud that i actually drew something, and they woukd do all this in a matter of minutes.

And it feels so lonely cuz i cant tell them how i feel cuz it would just sound like im asking for attention and just now i did actually say something and i was shut down 3 times by people just saying "lol same".

No it is not "lol same". It is not lol, and it is not two fucking words, it is the reason i have nearly ended my fucking life and i cant say anything and im alone and all i really want is for someone to ask if im ok because then i can tell them, because if theyve asked then surely its ok to answer.

And i mentioned pidge, who is my only safe place. I draw pidge every chance i get because i can and i can escape into them and im always drawing dark things with them in and i guess my friends have just chalked it up to me acting really "edgy and emo" but what they fail to understand is that when i draw pidge smashing and tearing and breaking things, thats me. And when i draw pidge crying silently in the corner of a room, thats me. And when j draw pidge asking for death. Thats me.

What they fail to realise is thatthis is not an edgy act im putting on. Im tired and alone and i cant draw and everything is too much and the only way i can express myself is through my poetry but poetry isnt art and its different and its not what i need to do, what i need to do is draw, and even if i write my pain into my poems, which i do, no one ever gave a fuck about poetry in the first place and im still alone.

Im a lonely person with silent words and all i can do is sit quietly and weep.

[foursdarkdays]

About me?

Honestly idk why i suddenly thought about writing all this here but ig maybe??? i could find the root causes of my mental health? idk

Sooo umm It all started when i was 11, back in 2011 when my Mom's father kicked us out basically. I dont really have a father, i mean i do but hes not really there. My mother married him out of family pressure and that didnt end well. He had severe anger issues and was always jealous that my mom earned more than him. male ego ew. He wanted mom to leave her job and be a houswife with a lot of restrictions but thankfully my mom stood up for herself and they were living seperately. They never lived together tbh. my father was from another city and my mom didnt move there due to obvious reasons. so anyway yeah back to the story. So when we were basically homeless, we rented a house . glad my house had a good gov job so we could afford it. It was during summer holidays right after my 6th grade when everything started affecting me mentally. I would stay home alone all day, no tv , no phone , no colony friends it was very lonely. Weird thoughts kept coming in my mind it was a devils house lmaoo. Plus the family fights and stuff were taking a huge toll on me. I didnt share this with my school friends back then prolly because i was embarrassed or because i didn't find the need to? I did'nt know how to behave with people. i started getting aggressive about a lot of things and my friends left me for that. Later i realised and apologized for my behavior and got them back.

anyway so back when i was in my grandfathers house, we were a joint family0. my grandmother, granfather, mother and her brother and sister and i. There were fights almost everyday but later when my aunt and mama got married the fights got more intense. i used to run up to the terrace to avoid all the shouting. I think thats one of the reaons why i get so worked up when i hear people yelling. trauma?.

anywayyyy so everything started effecting my studies and my acadmeics went to hell. i love my mom but back then she'd say all these mean things to me like "Why were you even born" "you're so useless" honestly i dont remember now but yeah that also affected me a lot mentally that i started self harming. It was out of curiosity at first but then i got addicted. The physical pain made the mental pain feel less. I self harmed almost everyday. it was like a drug to me. When my friends found out about it because i used to cut my hand like the whole hand, i started cutting my leg, It hurt a lot, sometimes i couldnt even walk. i just wish id bleed to death or something. Family and bad academics made everything worse. and as a cherry on top, something happened in school. Everyone thought i was a liar and it was like everywhere i went, people spoke bad about me that i dreaded going to school. Anyway this self harming continued till 2016 November ig? (i started in 2013) i self harmed in the hostel as well lol until.. until my ex best friend cum my roommate tried to end her life. It was scary. She left school but i kept thinking about it. Somehow that made me stop trying to kill myself for a while and completely stop self harming. I used to have a lot of anxiety attacks without knowing they were anxiety attacks.

anyway this even worsened during my bachelors. My depression and anxiety got very severe. Not just mentally but also physically. The chest pains, the body pains, the nausea and fatigue, the constant tiredness and fear. I completely failed academics which in return increased my anxiety. I felt so hopeless and useless beacuse i was good at nothing. It took me 5 years to graduate a 4-year bachelors degree with 34 backlogs and numerous failed suicide attempts. i wasnt even that brave to hang myself or jump off but but it was mostly over doing my anti-depressants. oh yeah i went tp therapy, that guy saw my self hard scars and told my mom. fuck. anyway mom was worried. also i'm glad she never told me anything about my academics she never made me feel like a failure im very glad. Shes always encouraging. I feel selfish that i tried to end myself when im the only one left for mom but i couldnt and cant help it. Im sorry mom you obviously deserve a better kid. A much better kid. So ummm yeah after graduating and leaving therapy because the meds werent working i started feeling a bit better? the anxiety and depression went down or maybe i just learned how to live with it. it was already 2022 which means 11 years of depression. i think anxiety came along in 2016? honestly idk but ik i started treating it as a part of me, i accepted it and it did help me. It doesnt effect my daily routine because ive learnt to live with it.

anyway so about my father, he kept visiting from time to time. at first it was every month, then it became once in 2 , 3 ,4 ,5 . Its not like he cared. He never helped us emotionally or financially, Even when my mom was hospitalised and had a surgery in 2013, he didnt come to see. He only visited when he wanted to. My mom went througha lot because society talks yk? she basically a single mom and its hard to live in this stupid country like that. People talk shit about you. Anyway it took me 16 years to realise that my "father" never really cared. I started despising him and even his presence (once in a year) gave me the icks. His family also always spoke bad about my mother including himself ig. I didnt know how to asnwer people when they asked about him. okay so anyway he came home last year (2022) and i had to kick him out because it was becoming suffocating for me and mom. mostly mom so i did it for her. I said some rude things to him so that he wont come again and trust me i feel shit but yeah he deserved. And he came home on my bday early this year (jan). I still remember the way my heart dropped seeing him.I hate birthdsys because of this. I had to kick him out again. Again people talk. No one sees his mistakes , how he never called or gave a fuck about us. they only see how we kicked him out. I hate him . and then later i got to know that he also tried to ummm hchoke my mom back in 2003? when we went to visit him. I was there. i have a vivid image in my head that i can never forget. Theres also some secret that my mom and grandfather are keeping from me. idk if ill ever know about it . He prolly has another family maybe? idk p maybe its something worse. anyway thanks to him i cant look at any other man without thinking of him now.

yeah so now back to me. I ruined my life. idk if it can repaired. I'm trying to do my masters. I have applied to some collges in australia and one of them rejected me. my cgpa is 6.2 and i have 34 backlogs with no work exp so its hard, All i want to do is die because i cannot take this anymore. I dont try to kill myself anymore but i wish i could.

All of my friends have jobs or are doing their masters. what am i doing? i know i ahouldnt compare myself but do you think its easy? Everyone out there is indepedant already and im nothing? Its very embarassing and hard. The time is ticking like a time bomb and im terrified.

i need to get away from this place. I need to heal and i just need anothee chance from life where i could repair myself and move forward. I will never be able to move on if im here. There's a lot of pain and trauma here. ISTG if it doesnt work out, i might really do something to myself, i will shut myslef comepletely and just wait till i die.

ill add more things if i remember, now i have cramps on my fingers bye

[hypnosiacon-archived]

can u tell them maybe ur not just "melancholic" or "just need friends" if ur symptoms effect ur day to day life, interfere w ur life / ability to get friends ( in the first place ) / school / whatever else it may impact / etc ( autism has a criteria where it needs to effect ur life in some way ) ? and emphasize the impact it has on ur life ? cuz doctors should care abt that. idek if psychologists are considered doctors but. if that doesnt work idk. cringe fail psychologist. your situation makes me want to bite someone and i dont even experience empathy so thats a First

I did! I told them my symptoms and how they interfere with my daily life. But also in my country people almost reject PDs for some reason, so I can't be diagnosed with them if they are not "bad enough" and ADHD and Autism doesn't even get diagnosed in adults! If you have autism and you are an adult then you would be diagnosed as shizospec, wtf

And I literally don't have things that are more "common" and "popular" for them. Depression, anxiety, bipolar what else lol. It feels like they just don't care. If I told them that symptoms similar to NPD and BPD (I didn't told them about disorders, just symptoms) are fucking up with my daily life really hard, and literally they just told me that I'm just "Egocentric", I don't think there's a chance they would understand whatever the fuck is happening to me lol

I mean I learned too much for these 4 years of researching, that it seems like I know more about mental health then fvcking mental health professionals. Keep in mind that my partner knows my symptoms and when he went to university (he was going to be defectologist or how is it called, he worked with autistic children there) even he just told me like several questions and agreed that I indeed Autistic. He made more research on ADHD then I am and he answered me some questions based on this and agreed again.

Its just the country we live in ig

[dyketubbo]

Hiii this is the anon from earlier. Still at work, but do you mind doing a quick recap of lore whenever it ends? I wanna know if it's worth watching LOL no worries if not!

good news anon it just ended and it was ghe most heart exploding shit ever both positive and negative. basically:

-tubbo starts out mourning snowchester, mentioning how it used to be a safe haven but he hasnt seen his citizens in so long and now everyone seems to know about it and has taken everything from him

-technoblade comes along and they see erets sign, assuming he has michael. they talk along the way and talk about revenge, tubbo mentions how people hate revenge until they need to enact it. techno agrees

-they find eret and try to threaten her, and then eret explains that she saved michael and wrongly put his trust in sam. this pisses techno and tubbo off but they agree to let eret join in on the revenge

-tubbo realizes both eret and techno have caused his deaths, and demands an apology from both of them, and they do. erets was mlre genuine and technos was backhanded and throwing wilbur n tommy under the bus again BUT WHAT EVER .

-they adventure to find where sam lives, and talk to him. he tries to defend himself and sucks at it, and he gives all his stuff to tubbo and shows them michael. they give him the option of going to prison or dying, and he chooses the prison

-they gloss completely over tommys grave and the fact that dream was released outside of sam trying to hold techno accountable and failing because tubbo and eret just dont give a shit i guess.

-they take sam to prison and have difficulties but ultimately put him in and get techno and ranboos shit back, tubbo also takes the waivers. sam acts weird and passive aggressive throughout, seemingly scheming. the keycard runs out (they reset at midnight) but they just. blow out of there w tnt ig

-they go back to get michael and techno offers for tubbo to just move in with techno and phil in ranboos old house. tubbo just. agrees.

-they find ghostboo, who focuses mostly on michael, gets the book back, and gives a pink tulip to tubbo

-tubbo moves in i guess. nothing else happens thats like it and he forgives techno completely like for everything and says he was wrong about techno but eret apparently got it easy n tubbo is still suspicious of him. even though erets done so much less than techno but. again. whatever i guess. michaels home and nothing else is solved. dream is still on the loose, techno is still not held accountable and he n tubbo are just besties now i guess, ghostboo is happy michaels back and seems to still care about tubbo but they still just didnt talk, sam was fine and eret was fine (other than her waving off dream getting broken out but whatever i guess). sam and michael were the highlights and i liked the start of the stream and seeing ghostboo again but otherwise it was a pretty frustrating stream and i think there was quite a bit of bad writing and poor character choices overall

[bestiesenpai]

OH REQUESTS ARE OPEN .......literally anything with nanami in it omg i can see him as like a professor or like an architect ig i dont really mind as long as its from u i'd read it ♡♡♡

Professor Nanami...professor Nanami...sorry this turned into word vomit headcanons lol

I think he would teach one of the following subjects: classical linguistics, cinema and media studies, chemical engineering or maybe educational psychology(I googled my local universities course descriptions for these lol)

He has all the qualifications, all the degrees lol

Sometimes has joint classes with Gojo and you can see him pouring antifreeze into both of their drinks as class goes on

He’s a fair grader, a little strict but he also has little tutoring sessions and don’t tell anyone but he’ll bring coffee for anyone that asks😚

Tries not to have favorite students but by the end of the term he can’t hide it anymore lol and will bump their grade up a few extra points if they need it

Speaking of students he is a pervert but he’s such a stone faced killer you’d never know it

Definitely looks down the shirts of students he has a bit of a crush on, but since he wears glasses he can deflect it and not make it super obvious unlike some people aka gojo

Sometimes his hand lingers a little too long on your back, or he’ll brush his hand on your ass when walking past you in the hall - but his face never changes so you can’t really call him out on it

He’s not like slimy professor Geto who purposely fails students just to get them desperate

No, Nanami singles out the students that look up to him, that emulate him and want to be like him, the ones who would do anything he asked of them with no hesitation

It’s easy, assigning you as a T.A. for his other classes for some extra credit

It’s cute to watch you sit at the little desk next to his and grade papers or scribble on your own work for a different class

Gojo asks if he can have you and Nanami is quick to reject the offer

He butters you up by getting you coffee and giving you a few sparse compliments here and there, looking at you over the bridge of his glasses and saying you have potential to really succeed in life :)

He wants what’s best for you! That much is true lol

And what’s best for you is to help ease your teachers workload, he’s been so stressed recently! :( what with having to plan finals and dealing with some rowdy classmates you have

:( what a shame, you always see him rubbing at his neck and shoulders, his muscles are so tense! And he sometimes (fake) falls asleep at his desk with his glasses on so you take them off for him

Tell him he needs a massage and he’s quick to tell you he doesn’t have the time...but he bets you give good massages! Not that he’s asking...but if you’re offering...

It’s simple really, just rub your professors shoulders a little bit, feel the hard muscle underneath the crisp button ups he always wears, smell the bit of cologne he puts on in the morning

It’s only natural to let your hands wander, and who is Nanami to stop you? He wants to encourage your curiosity, you are in a place of learning after all!

Lets you go at your own pace just exploring his body with light, hesitant touches, slowly pushing his shirt off and feeling his warm skin underneath your fingertips

Really, it’s natural, the progression from standing behind him to being laid out naked on his desk, legs spread wide as he’s on his knees before you, eating you out and teaching you that no one else but professor Nanami could ever make you feel this good

Cum in his mouth and he’ll be in heaven

Also has great self control, he’ll deny himself the pleasure of properly fucking you and just make you jerk him off

Ya know it’s all about the yearning! He eats you out plenty of times until you’re ravenous and begging him to fuck you

And he does, and has Gojo film the whole thing from behind a whiteboard or smth

And then during the next time you T.A., he’ll finger you under the table :) and whisper about all the fun he’s going to have with you :)

[fellixue]

A Kiss

felix x femreader

word count: 1.7k

fluff☁️ kinda angst ig T-T

warnings: none lol xp

note: this is my first time making a fanfic so im sorry if this isnt that good T-T but im also using my laptop and im in school iss so yeah:') anyways hope you enjoy this 👁️👁️

why were you here again? oh yeah i remember! you have to be here if you wanna pass this dumb project.

little back story:

"so, y/n recently you've been failing..." "i'm what? but i've been paying attention, working, doing credits. what do you mean i'm failing?" you were angry, upset. why were you failing? "listen, it isn't that, there is this really big project you need to do..." "okay, i'll do it. give me instructions." you say crossing your arms."but, in order to get full grade, you will have to work with a group." great, a group project. you are so bad with people it isn't even funny.

"um okay, but i don't have anyone to work with so, how is that gonna work? you know i'm bad with people." "i know, but you have to... i want you to start socializing more. it might be good for you!" "yeah i think so too! but once again, unfortunately i do not have anyone" you said in a proud cocky tone. "yeah thats why i picked one out for you." your smile has never faded away that quickly before. he got you a group? "oh? well... who are they?" you questioned. " do you know those boys over there?" he asked while pointing to a group of, what? around 8 guys? "umm i dont think so, no." "well you will be working with them." the teacher says with a smile on his face while yours is in complete dread.

"yeah no, not gonna happen. there is over five guys over there. i will not put myself in such a situation." you said with arms crossed and looking at him with a glare. you were not going to work with them. they seemed ignorant and annoying, and there was so many of them, over five in fact. "you either work with them or you get a 50 or a 0." this is so unfair! "wha- fine, but if something happens to me, its your fault." you say walking away. were you being dramatic... yes maybe, but men scared you, they are not people you like to really hang around, but you need to pass in order to graduate. plus, you didnt really like them either... they were always loud and just stupid pretty boys who had girls all over them.

"uhh, hey..." you say to the boys. "hey! we heard you were going to be working with us! we are glad to have you join our group, we will introduce ourselves!" he was... really nice actually. "my names chris but you can call me chan! nice to meet you!" he said sticking out his hand waiting for you to shake it, which you did. "hi! my names jisung!" he also seemed very nice... hm. "hi, im minho" he said with a smile, "names seungmin! glad to have you:)" "hi! my names hyunjin!" he stuck his hand out as well, and once again you smile and shook it. "changbin! nice to meet you!" he smiled like most of them did. "hi! i am jeongin, nice to meet you, whats your name?" he smiled so sweetly, you really liked his smile! "uh my names y/n" you just smiled and looked at the blonde haired boy who still havent introduced himself. "hello, my names felix! nice to meet you, you have a very pretty name!" he says while smiling. huh, for some reason you really vibed with him.

okay story times over~

"okay so who has an idea? we need to work together for this to work" you liked chan, he was responsible, he would make a great leader some day. "uh yeah i agree, so far we've only talked and it wasnt about the project..." you say, this might sound selfish of you but you just wanna pass, you need to, even if its just you doing this project you wouldnt care, all you need is a good grade. "thank you y/n, at least someones trying." chan said looking around at the boys.

everyone just kinda sat in silence for a little bit. "uh, oh okay how about this!" you say standing up. "we can write about how it effected people, on their daily lives and how it could have hurt them etc." "wait... thats actually not bad! good work y/n" chris says writing it down for the title. you were lowkey happy... i mean at least someone is trying. "oh! how about i bake us something, yeah!?" the aussie boy says, everyone was agreeing. "wait wait wait..." everyone paused. "you know how to bake? what are the things you can bake?" you were curious. "yeah i can bake, but the only things i've really baked so far have been cookies and brownies. a few cakes here and there, some cupcakes too" felix laughed nervously scratching the back of his head. "wow thats actually pretty cool!" you said, and you meant it. its not common seeing a guy knowing how to bake!

"you... you really think so?" felix says in shock. "yeah! i can bake too ya know" you smirked, you are actually really confident about your baking skills! you werent terrible at the hobby. "what are the things you've baked?" the blonde boy asked, the guys were just silently watching and whispering here and there. "brownies, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, chocolate moose, many things!" you said confidently. "ouuuu! bake with me would you!?" you felt so flattered so of course you said yes! plus you need a break from working.

"how long have you been baking for?" you ask the blonde haired boy. "not long, only for about two to three years maybe?" "hey thats not bad for you! for someone that havent baked for that long you are hella skilled!" you said while kneading the doe. "what about you?" felix asked, "huh?" "what about you? how long have you been baking for?" "oh! um since i was about 11? yeah thats about right!" felix looked at you shocked, "really? how?" the freckled boy asked, "my step-mom taught me, i learned most things from her" you smiled while looking at the doe.

"hm... i can tell you liked your step-mom. she still around?" felix asked, he felt a little nervous asking cause of how deep and personal the question was but, he just couldnt help himself. "uh yeah no..." you laughed nervously itching your nose, or trying to at least. "oh, im sorr-" you cut felix off realizing that hes gonna pity you, one of the main things you hate. "please.. dont apologize. it was a long time ago, when i was 14, its already over and done with. plus! im over it, and its not like she died or anything." you ended up ranting a little bit to felix more about how your dad and your step-mom broke up. this wasnt tough subject to talk about but still, the memories and flashbacks just always make you sad and emotional.

"and then i never talked to her again." "like... never ever? not even a little meet up or anything?" he asked, "nope... i wasnt allowed by my mom nor dad. they hated her and i do too but, i dont believe she was a terrible person like they do." you ended up snapping back into reality and realizing what you just said. you just met the guy and you are totally trauma dumping on him. "i am so sorry- i- i didnt mean to tell you all of that, just dumping all of my trauma onto you isnt okay and-" you were interrupted mid sentence by felix hugging you. he was, hugging you... but why? "wha-what are you doing? please i said i dont like pity" "its not pity." he says. 'then... what is it?" "i could tell you wanted a hug, it was in your eyes as they started to tear up." he said looking at you and resting his hands on the side of your arms.

a tear drop fell down your cheek. you didnt expect these guys to be so nice, when you first saw them or just saw them around, you thought they were annoying boys who were ignorant. but you were wrong. they were nice, and caring, you were glad to be paired up with them.

"im glad i got paired up with you guys" you say with a smile. "me too... wait ah i mean im glad that you got paired up with us too not that im glad i also got paired- what am i even saying ha" felix laughs nervously itching the back of his head. you smile and without even thinking. boom. next thing you know your lips are connected to the blonde boys lips.

felix pulls away and immediately you regretted kissing him. "oh my god i am so sorry felix, i did not know what i was thinking-" felix interrupted with another kiss. you were just as shocked as he was when you kissed him. both of his hands are laying on both of your cheeks.

"hey guys the cookies don-" jisung said but then soon stopped when seeing the image before his eyes. you and felix stopped kissing immediately. there was very loud awkward silence for awhile (pun intended) "ima just goooooo" jisung said while slowly exiting the kitchen.

you and felix just looked at each other for a moment and started laughing, tears were running and you guys just could not stop laughing at the fact, han jisung saw you two kiss. "god that was so funny for no reason" you said calming down a bit. "hey, uh i have a question.." "yeah what is it?" you look at felix confused. "do you maybe wanna be my girlfriend..." felix asked looking down at his swaying feet. "what?" you say in disbelief. "you can say no! theres no pressure! you dont even have to say it now!" felix saying while waving his hands around in front of his face.

"felix, hey felix" you shook him. "yeah?" he looked at you confused. "yes... i say yes to the offer" you said smiling. "y-yes... you said yes!" felix said while grabbing you for another kiss. "ima take you on a date!" felix said sternly "oh you dont have to-" "no! i want to, how about tomorrow i pick you up at 6:30pm and take you somewhere that will be a surprise?" felix said excited. "okay okay, but you have to pay i have no money"