#if u read the whole thing pls like the post cuz it helps me feel less alone

[fukozawa]

venting just ignore me // tw: weight, sui, sh

i really wish i had a therapist

I havent had a therapist since i was 15 over a decade ago. And even then i didn’t want to be there and didn’t take advantage of how much of a privilege it was

I don’t think ill ever be able to be vulnerable with anyone in my life. I don’t think ill ever not feel like a burden. And if that ever goes away it’ll surely be after years of therapy which i don’t and won’t have access to for the foreseeable future

Anytime I’m faced with the opportunity to open up or ask for a listening ear, I’m fully paralyzed from seeking that out. Its like right before i take that step, right as my foot is about to touch the shaky ground of opening up to someone that wants to be there for me, its like my own subconscious flings me backwards through midair and everything i wanted to say is blank and i physically cant utter the words. Its like all the feelings that made me want to seek out help in the first place suddenly disappear and I’m miraculously totally fine and not sure why I needed to reach out in the first place and waste anyones time or emotional energy.

Theres always this underlying feeling that i don’t matter and i can easily disappear from peoples lives and they wouldn’t notice, so why make them become further invested in my issues when I’m basically nonexistent as it is. Obviously its the avoidant attachment style but to an extreme. I don’t have to avoid people when i constantly feel like others are avoiding me. And especially avoiding my feelings, which have oftentimes been too heavy for others to carry.

Ive never had a irl friend who would just listen to me and be emotionally intelligent enough to not project their own ideas onto me, but who knew how to allow their presence be the comfort that i needed.

I cant stop myself from diverting the attention away from myself and focusing on other peoples problems or worries in order to avoid having to talk about my own.

In reality i could literally talk about myself and my constant self analysis for hours, theres so much that ive reflected on and so much i could use external insight on, but by the time i scratch the tip of the iceberg, the intrusive thought of being a burden/waste of time/emotional drain on those around me is too powerful to ever scratch the surface of what really goes on with me. Even on tumblr i try not to vent here as often as id like bc its literally so embarrassing being a human and having to have human emotions like literally so annoying i hate having to subject anyone to this.

Tho if im honest I’m lonelier than ive ever been and nothing is more affirming of my trauma and need for community than how expertly I’m able to isolate myself so diligently. Thats just one of the ways I’m able to self harm without anyone noticing. Another big way lately has been depriving myself of sleep, i cant stop myself. The feeling of being so ridiculously tired that i cant help but pass out is the best feeling ever cuz it means not a moment is spent with my own thoughts. I know its hurting me so much, bc my head screams at me with some of the worst headaches (which i realized recently are likely migraines) but its part of the sh i guess. When it gets too unbearable i just take some pain medicine and i can go about my day. Burning eye sockets are a lot easier to ignore than a radiating pounding skull.

Ive become so unhealthy but i don’t care. Sadly I’m skinny so no one questions it. I’m severely underweight but restricting food intake is another way i subtly self harm. I think its obvious but my parents are too self centered to notice and if they do notice they clearly don’t think its enough of a concern to mention to me. Its not actually on purpose tho, i have arfid due to being autistic and making myself a meal thats not instant ramen is literal fucking hell on earth and feels like I’m trying to run through waste deep water. I never have an appetite and the act of even having to eat at all is exhausting/draining. I hate food and if i could survive on vibes & Dr Pepper alone without having to eat food id be more than happy. I constantly have anxiety that there’s something seriously wrong with my body but id never know because my body is constantly being put through the wringer, experiencing such regular levels of discomfort/pain its impossible for me to acknowledge which of my bodies signals are truly dire.

Living with my mother is slowly killing me but i have no way out due to crippling levels of anxiety and absolutely zero energy to care for myself enough to be able to take action on things that would benefit my future self. It doesnt help that it feels like the world is ending and feeling like i may not have a lot of time left anyways so might as well spend my life in bed miserable under the covers starving and malnourished, cuz its the only thing I’m good at.

I feel like I’m always in some sort of dissociative state that i don’t know how to turn off. I try to ground myself and it just comes right back. When it comes to my emotional state i have absolutely zero support system and its hard to not feel like everyone is better off not having to deal with my bullshit drama. Its hard not to feel like I’m making all this up and just being dramatic, like I’m faking all of this and i bet if i wasnt such a coward I wouldn’t have all these issues.

A part of me is jealous of the people who took their lives already. They were powerful people. I wish i could be like them. And not have to deal with the pain of existing as an autistic gay person who never felt truly seen. As terrifying as that is thats all ive ever wanted, for someone to genuinely want to See me and Understand me. Cuz up to this point in my life ive gone out of my way for others to make sure they feel understood, but not once has anyone put that same energy towards me. Which is why I’m hesitant to continue trying to form new close relationships, whats the point when all my prior experiences have shown how little most people give a shit about forming lasting strong connections that stand the test of time. Even the bare minimum of asking someone to educate themselves on the autistic experience so they can begin to try understand my experience, is somehow too much to ask and too high of an expectation.

Anyways I’m done venting for now and its finally time for me to sleep after being awake for 24+ hrs lmao k bye

[qiqiqiqiqiqiqiqiq]

I FEEL SO MEAN FOR SAYING THIS BUT PLEASE IF U COME ACROSS THIS FIC IDEA PLEASE DONT USE IT ITS ORIGINAL 😭 AND POSSIBLY BASED OFF SOME LIVED EXPERIENCES SO PLS AND TY

SO jetlag made me spontaneously start a fic today but i cannot for the life of me figure out what ship to make it

the basic rundown is:

high school au character A is popular at their school and character B is not so much. character A is doing normal popular semi mean person things when bored during lunch with their friends, which means scrolling through instagram and judging peoples posts. and then they see character B (generally shy, never posts) who is this awkward new member on their varsity sports team who has tried? to speak to them before?? post for the first time and its just sports stuff probably to look good for recruits if they look into digital footprint. and then char A has an aneurysm. cuz they think B is tryna look all cool and one up A even tho B is new, but secretly mostly because B is so goddamn fine. but A obviously is not going to openly admit this at their lunch table with all their friends so it comes out as "what the fuck. is that post." obv everyone starts making fun of it and B finds out and obviously gets mad and they share some very passionate rivalry on their team. but it's a big fat misunderstanding and A js wants to make out with B. which B maybe has wanted the whole time

AND LIKE. WHO?? i started this out writing clorivia because. it makes sense ok. but honestly it could fit klance or itafushi equally well??? even satosugu?? but im not tooo sure abt that one. and like would people even read it if it were an older ship someone pls help

[yuanvei]

Long message 💌 Hello Yuan! This is 🍋 anon! I woke up this morning and saw that you finally posted xo lvl 2 right when I fell asleep lol seeing the 23k wc, I knew I was in for a long ride so I rushed to do my chores in order to read it right away!

Damn, this fic was darker than I thought it was gonna be. The intro got me so hooked, it was so so good. I can’t help but feel pity for the protagonist :( I’m so invested in this story and I really felt like crying whenever she struggled.

Minji is so kind, I’m worried what will happen to her. I have a theory about Minji but I could be wrong and just overthinking it. Also, I love Hee’s character! His conversation with the protagonist was kinda funny to me. When he stayed behind after Minji and Jungwon left, I already guessed what the poll was going to be about and DREADED it. This is so hard! What if we choose the wrong thing?? Also, I loved the song references you sneaked in there 👀

Iirc, you said back then you wouldn’t write for Enha anymore (maybe excluding Jungwon), but seeing your recent posts, I guess you changed your mind. You’re my fave writer fr. I love Jungwon so much and I’m thankful he’s your muse (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) Have you seen En-Drama? It’s how I imagined the members throughout the whole time reading. XO (and your works in general) would be a huge hit if it was a drama, you’re THAT good.

I also wanna say that your layout is immaculate. And please don’t ever doubt or downplay your writing because it’s beyond just amazing. Trust me. It’s so immersive and really draws you in. Magnetic, if I may say. I aspire and strive to be a writer as good as you are. You’re definitely gonna be a successful mangaka someday.

I’m already excited (and nervous!) for the upcoming levels even though we have to wait for a while. I know this fic took a long time to create and you said you’ll do your other film projects so I hope you get some good rest and good luck with your studies as well! Keep safe always, and we love you 💓

🍋 nonnie !! :(( i cried lol- u have no idea how my heart dropped when i saw this ask from my notifs cuz like i was rlly sad bc there's barely any anon ask beside yours, so i thought ys;xo flops bc no one is interested enough to talk about it.. but your ask RLLY MADE MY DAYY THANK YOUUU SM FOR THIS SWEET MESSAGE<33 im vv grateful for u for taking your time to write this 🫶🫶

i'm so glad you love the intro as much as i do!! and the fact that u feel sm for the protagonist too, she is prob one of my complex protagonists as of now. and it's only going to get rlly rlly dark w the upcoming levels.

you can tell me more bout your theories hehe but i won't be able to tell more bc no spoilers 🤫🤫 im glad hee's character was lovable bc i keep giggling as well while writing his scene w mc >< ALSO IM HAPPY U NOTICE THE SONG REFERENCES

oh about enha, yep tbh I've kind of lose interest in them n and jungwon was the only reason why im still around but i have to say this comeback w xo and brought the heat back is def my fav !! not to mention that jake is looking too good recently—very much influenced by a cantonese film i've watched recently. 🤭

and about en-drama — i don't rlly catch up w enha's updates apart from their mvs & comebacks, I've seen en-drama many times on my yt but it doesn't rlly catch my interest, however i might watch it one of these days to get an inspo for ys;xo :D BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME THANK YOUU ,, i'm very happy that u think so :((

i'm glad u like my layout btw !! 😭 and once again thank you thank you VERY MUCHHH for all these encouraging words, i appreciate it from the bottom of my heart 🫠🫶 it's so sweet of u to spend sm of your time writing this and it's making me emotional lol ,, and yes you're going to become an amazing writer too, maybe even more better than me ! >:)) it's going to be a journey, but fighting and ik u can do it !! 🫶 and the mangaka part PLS ill keep these words forever in my heart I WILL ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS THANK UUU

you're very kind 😭😭 im so happy you're around 🍋 anonnie,, i'll make to sure deliver a more better story thru xo level 3 !! have a good rest too !! stay safe, and take care 🥹🫶

[spitdrunken]

boy does Creepy 50 year old Tio Bruno makes my pussy THROB. Especially if he knows that what he's feeling/doing is wrong and feels disgusted with himself for even having such thoughts.

SO HEAR ME OUT, what if after he's come back, the niece he's been stalking all those years is finally part of his world and despite his attraction and needs he tries SO hard to be a good uncle and act appropriately, the fact that you do innocently appreciate his company and show him a lot of affection while being completely unaware of his putrid thoughts doesn't help either. Until you two somehow end up in a compromising/suggestive position and he can't help but take advantage of the situation (did you get accidentally thrown into his lap, confined in a cramped place together, stuck inside something your ass on display, is he helping you undress out of a particularly confining dress, did you somehow end up tangled up together after a fall , did the rats fucking eat your clothes idk god i could go on for days)

Things start innocently and you're completely oblivious to everything until my man can't take it anymore , and you're completely helpless against the older man's stronger grip on your withering body. There's so much potential.. chikan/cnc/grinding/groping/face sitting/dirtytalk/ accidental stimulation/thigh riding 🤧❤️👌!

Sorry for the super long ask but I feel like you're one of the few who could get me lol

ANONNNN omg don't apologise cuz I read your ask like 5 times LMAOOO,, i really do get you man <333 creep bruno makes my brain leak out of my ears honestly. i want him to be like,, a messed up father figure and fuck me at the same time yknow.

this post got kindaaaa way too long. i’m  going to keep this out of the main tags, so very few people will end up seeing this i think cuz of how explicit it is :’),, if u enjoy it pls lemme know and feel free to reblog!

cw: incest (uncle/niece), noncon, agegap

it's such a challenge to keep his hands to himself when you're so close, all of a sudden. not even in a disgusting way immediately, no, no- just tapping your shoulder to get your attention, patting your head, or holding a loose grip around your wrist when he wants to show you something. every little touch sends sparks through him. he tries to keep his distance, but he just can't.

bruno used to think interacting with other people again would make his feelings fade. all that's happened is that he realised how perfect you are compared to everyone else. no one can make his heart stir like his cute niece does. (oh, and he does try. even if he's awkward and disshelved, it's not hard for a madrigal to get a date. the whole time he kept imagining it was with you, though. the only way he could seem interested in them if he was thinking of you instead.)

if anything, interacting with you on a personal basis has made it all worse. you're so sweet to him when you reunite, proclaiming how much you missed him all these years and hugging him without warning. it's a good thing he's only fully hard after you let him go, but he's still making an excuse to slip off and get himself under control in the bathroom soon after. thinking about the situation too hard makes him want to sob.

even after, you're the one who tries to help him ease back into society the most. you introduce him to people you know, take him with you on shopping trips and indulge him by letting him share the stories he's written over the years. maybe you just pity him. maybe you see a lonely, weird old man as your tío. but if that's the case... you'd be right. but you're still spending time with him, aren't you? so he can let it go.

one day, the subject shifts to his stay in the walls. you want to see where he stayed for so long. bruno can't come up with an excuse, but his entire room in there is covered with notes about you, so he can't take you there! instead, he takes you a much different route than he usually does. there’s a wrong turn somewhere. but he does recognise where has ended up. he should’ve turned back, he knows he won’t be able to stop.

You cough as you inhale the dusty air. It’s near impossible to believe he spent so many years here, all on his own. You’re sure you would’ve lost it within a couple of weeks. While you’re shuffling your way through the passage, your tío a little bit behind you, the walls start growing narrower and narrower around you. 

“Um...” You say, slowing your step. “Are you sure this is the right way...? It looks like a dead end.”

“Yes- Yes, it’s fine. Don’t worry.” The responses comes out breathier than you’d expect. “Just keep going. We’ll be there soon.”

But the wood only keeps closing further and further around you, so narrow you eventually can’t move forward anymore. When you take a step back, you bump right into your tío. “Oh! Sorry. But this really won’t work. We need to go back.” There’s no sound of footsteps though, and he remains quiet. You’re... Getting nervous. You try to crane your neck over your shoulder to see his expression, but you can’t make it out. Without there really being room for it, you shuffle back. Your back ends up pressed against his chest. His breathing is so loud. 

“T-tío Bruno? What’s wrong? You’re being weird.” Is this some kind of prank? Are you going to end up with Camilo teasing you for falling for one of his transformations again? Somehow, you doubt it. A buried part of you is screaming at you to get out of there, your legs tingling with a desire to run. But there’s nowhere to go. Why are you scared? He’s- He’s your family. Awkward, funny tío Bruno. He wouldn’t harm a fly. Your laugh is strained. “...Let’s just go back. Please?” 

His arm wraps around your waist, and pulls you flush against him, making you jump a little. “I- I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.” The hand pressed on your stomach is shaking, stroking the skin. He moves his hips against your ass in a rolling motion. The choked noise he lets out shatters all of the excuses your mind had made up for him. His face disappears into your hair, and you can feel him inhale. “You... You smell so good, and you’re, uh, so s-soft and warm...” You’re not sure if you can hear a smile in his voice or not.

Your heart is racing in your ears, eyes wide as you stare into nothing. Never in your life would you have expected this. The world swirls around you. But even if you can’t believe it, you have to get out of there. You twist and turn, your shoulder banging into the inside of the wall. The pain barely registers. You actually manage to wriggle loose from his grip and stumble forward, but now you’re really stuck. Pinned between the wood on two sides, Bruno right behind you. He immediately clamps a hand over your mouth.

“Y-you- You, uh, already know. You’ll- You’ll really hate me, and I get that, I’m disgusting- So let me do this one time. That’s enough. Once, and I’ll stay away after that. I n-need to... It’s been...” His words are desperate and hurried, spoken in a single breath. They bump into one another. Bruno pulls you close again, and his hips stutter against yours. He whimpers. “Oh. I’m so, so sorry.” He’s sniffling, and your gut twists. Shouldn’t you be crying? Shouldn’t you be the only one who’s allowed to be upset here? You try to bite his hand, but it’s pressed against your mouth in such a way it’s hard to catch it in between your teeth.

Your tío is grinding against you in full force now. Short, quick movements that are purely for his own pleasure. All of your yells and curses are muffled against his hand. A neverending string of apologies slips from his lips, the moans and whimpers it’s broken up with making you sick to your stomach. 

(You’re not here. No, you aren’t. The edges of your vision blur as you think of anything but here, dig through your memories for a suitable replacement. A happy one. Your body isn’t rocking back and forth with your tío’s thrusts, no, no, you’re a child again, in a little boat drifting upon the water, and it’s waves that are jostling you around. You’re laughing, and the sun’s hot on your skin, and all’s good and happy and fun and nice-)

He squeezes at your skin without warning, and you gasp shakily. This gets the loudest noise out of him yet, a moan of your name. “Can- Can you do that again? I’m almost done, I s-swear, you’re just so- You’re so cute. S-so good, and sweet. You’re... You’re the only one who’s ever been this nice to me.” He breathes out. And he’s made sure you regret it. 

His hand is wandering over your skin. It never dips underneath your clothes, but he’s groping at your chest and your crotch. (You hate the warmth that settles underneath your skin. How your head is starting to get fuzzy. It’s just... It’s just your body responding in a natural way, it says nothing about your actual feelings.) You do... You do love him. Just not in a twisted way. Your heart feels like it’s being torn out of your chest with every movement of betrayal. Why did it turns out like this? You whimper his name, not out of pleasure, but because you’re seconds away from bursting into sobs. Tears spill onto his hands.

Your tío groans right into your ear as he cums, slumping against you. “...I love you.” It’s so soft, and he slurs it a little. 

They were right about him after all.

also thinking abt :’) Some members of the family being aware that bruno’s behaviour towards you is,, weird. before anything bad happens. telling you at first just to ‘not wear certain clothes when your tío is around’ and stuff like that, before actively trying to keep you two apart. but you don’t see anything wrong with him. just going to him anyway and confiding in him how weird your parents have been lately and that you still care about him <3 makes him all messed up in the brain LMAOO

also consensual uncle/niece is also yknow. yknow. top tier.

[basilly]

tumblr tips & things!

after growing rlly fast, i just wanted to provide some maybe helpful tips + things you could do if you’re a smaller blog! i am in no means an expert, I am still learning but this is what i’ve learned, specifically abt the mcyt tumblr community

disclaimer you DO NOT have to follow these, these are what ive learned and my opinion, but i think most writers can agree on this

its a lot of info im sorry ajdba but feel free to reblog and add ur own info!

1. tags!

theyre superrr important if you want exposure for your works + writing pieces, just make sure to tag accordingly

meaning: do not cross tag, or main tag, (ex do not tag just dream alone) keep ‘x reader’ content under the ‘x reader tags’

^people get uncomfortable with x readers and sometimes they slip through the filtered tags

my go-tos for tags are mcyt or cc name then the following prefixes- x reader, x y/n, x you, fanfic, fanfiction

if you have a fic for dream, DO NOT TAG george, it makes it confusing

also tags for ur random posts r super helpful because if someone doesnt want to see it, they can filter it out (my talking tag is basilly blabs)

adding a tag for the ppl you interact for! i like doing this cuz i can easily search a tag on my blog to see my prev interactions w/ them (ex. if i interact w/ userA then i tag userA’s username)

2. create some sort of brand

of course u can switch it up, but using ur own theme makes ur work recognizable to others

like mine is my banner- i use it on every of my works + important posts, so ppl can recognize me

banners can be found on the internet or twitter (but pls credit the artist w/ permission) i found mine on google

for super thin page dividers, i use ibis paint (mobile app) and made a super thin canvas (3405x57) and filled it w/ my theme color

3. plspls dont beat yourself up for rejecting requests or feeling uncomfortable

you are not forced to write requests, if they make you feel uncomfortable you can decline

also if you’re not happy with the work, you can spend the time to revise + edit, we will wait for work you are happy with!

+ if you are stuck with some details on writing smth, ask a mutual or others! more brains and more ideas!

4. same goes for writers block & health issues

we all get it sometimes, no one is pressuring you and if they are, its your blog, you decide. and your health matters more

5. the mcyt tumblr community is SUPER NICE

if u wanna be moots aka mutuals (follow each other) literally shoot them any message and they’ll respond so kindly

ive talked to so many incredible moots who I absolutely adore theyre so kind

also interacting w/ moots: they can reblog your work, creating exposure but do not expect reblogs, and same to you we are not expected to reblog

6. please check a cc’s boundaries before writing

@/smp-boundaries has a majority listed, and if not, ask!

7. if u have any questions, just ask!

lots of ppl will not even mind that much, like i said theyre super kind

8. navigation + masterlists!!

super important for everyone to see your rules, works, all put into one spot, it makes it 10x easier

9. backup ur works + asks

tumblr can be glitchy so its always helpful to back up works on google docs or smth similar

having ur whole fic deleted is not fun and demotivating

asks can be backed up by sending them to ur linked email- this has helped loads for me

10. dont worry too much abt likes + follows

all blogs start out small and as you go and keep persisting, ppl will start noticing + following, its all abt perseverance + trust the process

even when fics r rllllyy good, tumblr has its own bad days and u get low notes- dont let this discourage you

11. anonymous asks!

some ppl get nervous and request on anon! personally think theres more requests that way

12. small text or read mores!

internet is a great help w/ this and itll give you guides and step by step instructions

mobile also is a lot harder to make an aesthetic blog, so a laptop or pc or chromebook is super helpful

13. for max notes, post at ‘prime times’

i think the queue tells u when the prime time is to post for ur time zone, but also a google search is super helpful

or, guess and check! trial and error- i did this and found the best time to post for me

once you find it, you can schedule or queue your work so it posts for you!

14. if there’s sensitive topics pls add TW and CW

as writers yes we try to cover some topics that ppl request but we dont want to trigger others, so at the top include TW// (trigger warning) or CW// (content warning) and add a cut or read more

do not put CW or TW on content creators- no matter how bad they are, its rude and dehumanizing

15. Formatting is SUPER important!

if you do not separate your lines of dialogue or paragraphs, chances are people WILL skip over it. it makes it hard to read and sometimes it is’t worth people’s time

rule of thumb is make a new paragraph every time someone speaks and indicate who is talking or make is distinguishable!

if your fic is over 500 words, id add a cut as well! if you dont know how:

on mobile: type :readmore: in a new paragraph and hit enter w/out a space after the readmore

pc/laptop: new paragraph, three dots far right

Smut also def has its own set of rules but i am not a nsfw blog- main things i can say is please add cuts and check for cc’s boundaries

thats all i have for now,,, i might add in the future!

not everyone’s experiences are the same but this is whats worked and happened for me and what i found to be useful, i hope this helps you as well, if it doesnt, thats fine too!

[blacktofade]

pls oh god of fics pls grant thee touch starved Shane and oblivious Ryan in shyan ship *bows down* (i sent one before and donno if u actually got it cuz it showed error so im sending in another try)

I didn’t get your other ask unfortunately, but this is an idea I’ve been wanting to write like 10k for, but I know I’ll never have the energy. So it’s a little ficlet instead.

CW: Includes post-kidnapping, malnutrition, and an embarrassing lack of touching for a touch-starved prompt.

*

Shane disappears on September 17th. Ryan only remembers because they’d been scheduled to shoot an episode of Weird and/or Wonderful World and he’d had to eventually make the uncomfortable call to the Los Angeles County Arboretum and Botanic Garden to cancel their tour and interview.

It had been funny at first with Shane’s habitual lateness. They’d all assumed he’d slept late, forgot what day it was, and completely blanked on the filming schedule.

It’s less funny a week later when a missing person’s report is filed and Shane’s parents fly out to stay with Scott while they wait for any kind of news.

Detective Flores finds him two states over, a month and a half later. There are six hostages in total, as part of some elaborate heist that’s foiled before it comes to fruition. Shane’s kept in hospital for almost a full week, treated for malnutrition and a few general injuries, the news passed to Ryan through Scott via a DM on Instagram.

For the first time since Shane’s disappearance, Ryan sleeps through the whole night.

On the Saturday following Shane’s return, Ryan wakes to a phone call at eight in the morning.

“Hello?” he answers, voice rough from sleep, brain barely online.

“I’m sorry,” Shane apologizes, but his voice alone is enough to wake up Ryan the rest of the way. It’s the first he’s heard from him. He’d been trying to give the family space and knew Shane would find him once he was ready. Apparently, now is that time. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Sure,” Ryan agrees instantly, shoving back the covers and getting out of bed. “Where are you?”

“My apartment,” Shane admits and Ryan pauses from where he’s trying to dig out a pair of clean pants. “I just need a break.”

“Sure,” Ryan repeats. “I’ll be there in twenty.”

It’s quiet on the other end of the line before, quietly, Shane says, “Thanks, Ryan.”

*

Shane’s waiting at the curb when Ryan pulls up.

Ryan unlocks the door and watches Shane fold himself into his seat, waiting a moment for Shane to settle before reaching over to set a hand on his knee, squeezing gently.

“Hey man,” he says gently. “Long time no see.”

Shane startles at the touch, but glances over, offering a small smile in return.

He looks different. His face is thinner, his cheekbones a little more prominent, and there’s a new scar on the right side of his forehead that disappears into his hairline.

“Hey,” Shane replies, buckling his seatbelt and giving Ryan a view of his right hand, which has two fingers splinted together. “Thanks for coming.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

Ryan stares at him incredulously and eventually Shane looks away, out the passenger side window.

“It’s just hard being surrounded by everyone right now,” he says, clearly talking about his family. “I need a break.”

Ryan checks over his shoulder and pulls back onto the road.

“Is my apartment okay? Or did you want to go somewhere else?”

“Your place is fine,” Shane tells him, and from the corner of his eye, Ryan sees him turn his head, staring as though Ryan won’t notice.

At the next red light, Ryan glances over. “How are you doing?”

Shane looks away, clearly caught. “Getting tired of people asking me that. It’s all anyone asks these days.”

“Guess they just want to know you’re okay.”

Shane glances back towards him. “Could be better,” he says bluntly and Ryan can’t help but let out a quiet huff of laughter.

“Yeah, no shit. But the hospital cleared you?”

“Yeah,” Shane sighs. “Apart from a few broken fingers and some weight loss, I’m okay.”

“I missed you,” Ryan admits. “It’s probably the longest I’ve gone without seeing you since we started at BuzzFeed.”

Shane frowns like he’s thinking and then the frown deepens. “Jesus, you might be right.”

Ryan laughs again. “Horrifying thought, huh?”

“Puts things in perspective.”

“Didn’t you miss me?” Ryan asks jokingly, but Shane doesn’t answer, just laughs quietly.

“It’s weird,” Shane says. “I was never alone, but it feels like I have to relearn how to be around people now.”

Ryan had read the news after Shane’s rescue. There had been five others saved alongside Shane, so he suspects they might be the reason Shane wasn’t alone.

Ryan shrugs gently. “Adjusting is hard, and I’m sure it’s even harder with your family refusing to let you out of their sights.”

Shane shakes his head. “You have no idea. I was in the shower for twenty minutes this morning and they started knocking on the door to see if I was still alive.”

“Rough,” Ryan laments. “Well, you’re welcome to chill at my place for as long as you need.”

“Can I move in?” Shane jokes, but Ryan just shrugs.

“If that’s what you want.”

It’s silent for a moment before Shane says, “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Ryan offers him a smile. “Of course, dude. It’s what I’m here for.”

It’s quiet for the rest of the drive until Ryan pulls into his usual parking spot and glances over. “You good?

Shane nods and carefully unbuckles his seatbelt. “Yeah, I’ve got it.”

Ryan’s chest tightens watching Shane limp his way towards the front door, but he knows the last thing Shane needs is more helicoptering.

“Can I get you anything?” Ryan asks as he shuts the door behind them, watching Shane glance around as though he expects Ryan to have redecorated during his disappearance, but ultimately Shane shakes his head. “Okay, well, make yourself at home. You know the drill. I’m gonna go grab a drink.”

He knows Shane can find his own way to the living room, so he moves around him, heading in the direction of the kitchen instead.

“Ryan?” Shane questions and Ryan pauses, turning back.

“Yeah?”

Shane hesitates like he doesn’t know how to get the words out, but after a moment, he takes two steps closer and draws Ryan into a hug instead.

Ryan isn’t entirely expecting it. Shane’s not a touchy-feely guy, which means Ryan can probably count on one hand the amount of times they’ve hugged. But Shane folds around him so tightly that it startles the breath right out of him.

“I did miss you,” Shane mutters and Ryan lifts his hands to reciprocate, holding Shane as hard as he dares when everything feels so fragile.

“I was really worried,” Ryan admits. “I thought you’d been killed.”

He finds himself rubbing one hand along Shane’s spine, trying to soothe him as Shane tucks his face against his shoulder.

“You were gone for a long time,” Ryan continues.

He can feel the warmth of Shane’s breath through his shirt as he exhales shakily. “They broke my fingers when I tried to escape.”

Ryan holds him tighter, needing them both to understand that Shane’s safe again. Having the weight of Shane leaning against him is grounding in a way he never knew it could be. About a month into Shane’s disappearance, Ryan had gone through a mourning period, assuming he’d never see Shane again. He finds tears prickling his eyes as the relief hits him solidly in the chest.

“God, Shane,” he murmurs and he’s not sure who’s comforting who.

The warmth of Shane spreads through him, all the way down to his toes, like a cup of hot soup on a cold day. Except that Ryan never realized he was too cold until this moment. He feels alive and whole again, and he knows he can’t even begin to understand what Shane experienced. The fact that he can feel every ridge of Shane’s spine as his hand passes along it says enough.

When he finally starts feeling like Shane’s probably ready to let go, he loosens his arms and shifts, one foot lifting to take a step backwards.

“Just a little longer,” Shane requests and Ryan’s more than happy to comply, a noise of agreement escaping as he nods.

“I’ll stay here as long as you need,” Ryan tells him. “It’s just good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back,” Shane replies and tightens his grip again like he might never let go.

To be honest, Ryan’s okay with that. He holds on just as tightly and settles against Shane, finally feeling happy again for the first time in months.

[mdverse]

so i get if u don’t wanna answer this cuz questions like this can be hard but!! i’ve been trying to learn to draw for the last month or two, and since ur one of my favorite artists on here i was wondering what made you want to start drawing? was it something u always liked or did u get into a little later on? when u first started how did u pick up skills, and did u have any specific things that helped you develop ur style over time? again pls don’t feel like u have to answer any of this or anything, im just curious!!

Oh!! Anon I am absolutely honoured to be one of your fav artists here that's such high praise! Gonna be all giddy and smiley when I think about this aksdjfks

To be completely honest with you, I think my artist origin story is embarrassing but I'm happy to share :) I'm pretty sure there are photos of like... toddler me drawing on those magnetic drawing board things so art has probably always been something I enjoy haha. But I actually got invested in art when I was 8 and my brother started reading manga, which prompted me to do that too. I fell in love with the art style I saw in fairy tail and for years I was really inspired by it. I'm not sure if the fairy tail influence still shows in my art but my guess is that there's still an anime-sque aspect to the way I draw? But more on that later.

I don't know what your opinion is on tracing - some people say it's cheating, others don't, whatever - but that's how I started. I wasn't really putting much thought into it, because I was 8, but the thing with tracing is that it's a good way to get used to drawing certain proportions. I don't have any photos of the stuff I did when tracing, but if you look up fairy tail panels you'll get an idea of the style I was trying to learn at the time. Then my family found out I was just tracing stuff and made fun of me for it (I'm still salty about that over a decade later lmao) so I graduated to copying :)

I never enjoyed the concept of properly measuring things out to get exact proportions when I was copying panels, which was inconvenient in some ways but was actually a great way to train my eyes for observational drawing! The trick here is to start small and simple before you move on to more complex images. Did I do that? Probably not, but I'm too ambitious for my own good when it comes to art. Here's some stuff I accomplished during that stage! If you scroll all the down to the first posts I made on my instagram account you can find more that are similar to the one on the right

I did try exploring a style of my own, one based on my imagination rather than simply copying images, but ho boy that was a struggle. It also happened around the time I was starting to get interested in digital art (I must've been around 15yo?) so it was just a whole mess. I don't particularly feel like going into the details of everything I was trying at the time because I really don't remember much of it but my best baby steps were the ones where I observed the styles of artists I really liked. Luckily for me, a couple of my faves posted speedpaints and stuff on youtube, some of which I watched religiously, and it pushed me to experiment with some of the techniques they used. It helped me a lot when trying to find brushes and colouring techniques I liked.

In all honesty though, I think the most progress I've made has been in the past year? This feels embarrassing to say but glee gave me a massive rush of inspiration and I started churning out art like the unhinged sleep-deprived gremlin I am and I allowed myself to experiment with a lot of different things. Figuring out what brushes I like to use, a colouring system that works for me (it still changes regularly ngl), pushing myself with more complex backgrounds and dynamic poses, things like that. I'm still always inspired by other artists, some whom I have admired ever since I started drawing and posting fanart (my main inspiration these days is kkumri!! I've been a fan of her art since my fairy tail days lmao and since her art style is heavily influenced by anime, mine still is too). I guess what I'm saying is that experimentation and practice are key, but it also helps to find things you like about other artists' styles and implement them into your own.

You'll notice I haven't talked about anatomy yet. I wanted to write that in a separate section because anatomy has been its own separate, annoying monster for me. Which is entirely my fault, because I didn't really try learning anatomy until I left my copying stage, and by then a lot of habits had already formed. What helped me the most here was observational drawing! Human anatomy is wildly confusing for me, and trying to learn how to draw the entire body was too stressful, so I like identifying something I struggle with and focusing on it for a while. For example, a while back, I started the 100 heads challenge because I was struggling with faces. My goal was to draw 10 faces a day, for 10 days, and even though I gave up halfway through at only 50 heads, it helped a lot. Last summer, I got really frustrated with hands because I was drawing them more often but they never looked right, so for a few days I would just. sit down. and take the time to sketch out some hands based on a wide variety of references. just hand in different positions, from different perspectives. same with feet. When I started drawing more dynamic poses for the sports aus, I practiced figure drawing and just... Focused on the flow of a pose rather than letting myself get bogged down by details. Sometimes I like drawing in monochromatic to focus on where the lighting is coming from and how it affects the positioning and shape of shadows (that's actually how I started the furtana hiking drawing! coloured in greyscale first!).

I still struggle with things like muscles and clothing folds, both of which are things I know I need to practice and haven't gotten around to doing anytime recently, but to practice those I would take the same approach that I did for anatomy stuff. References are so so important and helpful!! They're actually life-savers for me!

This is getting long so I'll just leave it off here with some final thoughts. This is all stuff that has (kinda) worked for me, and it might not work for you. Everyone has different methods of approaching art and it takes a while to figure out what works best for you. That said, I'm always happy to talk more about art if you have more questions! I'm not sure if you're interested in seeing my usual art process and stuff like that but if you are, ask away! Also, last thought - be nice to yourself! I tend to get really impatient and frustrated if things aren't turning out the way I want them to, but art is just one of those things that takes time and practice. Realistically, your art isn't going to look exactly like you want it to, but that doesn't mean you're not making progress <3

[ninacarstairss]

Hello bestieeee :D How are u today? I hope u are living ur best life and are well<3

GUESS WHAT?

Yesterday,I finished RWRB!!! How can I even start to describe my love for this book? Hmmm I don’t think that I can put it in words but I’ll say whatI loved about it and by that,well,It’s pretty much everything. All the characters(except Philip the homophobic bitch,Richards the coward and um the Queen) were just so amazing and it was refreshing(yeah refreshing,don’t criticize me for choosing this word) to read about them and I learned so much from each one and there’s no doubt that they inspired in many ways.Tho I love all of them immensely,Henry and Alex hold a special place in my heart.The way Henry and Alex grew up through the book and let themselves to truly be the people they are at the end even after all the consequences they were ready to live with left me happy and hopeful.But I think that Alex and Henry couldn’t have been themselves one day in front of the whole world if they did not choosed to know each other and fall in love through this journey.Its beautiful to see how Alex who never expected to bond with Henry,was so grateful that he had the chance to do so.And there’s Henry who for so long,he had to pretend that he was someone else and live a life that was painfully untrue and unfair to his own feelings but he still managed to be the kindest and generous person that he could be and that,made my heart break but proud.I love them and lemme tell u,they are one of the most power couple and even THE power couple that u could possibly hope for. I love this two and If I want to find comfort,I’ll always look up to re-read some scenes with them(😏😎💕).What else?Ohh it was gracefully written and the way the characters expressed themselves was really relatable and I could see myself in them.There’s the plot who was entertaining and I just adored the aesthetic of this book(I mean the places that we saw etc).The whole story captivated me.RWRB is without a doubt one of my favourite books that I’ll eternally recommend(maybe not to my parents hehe cuz of the um spicy scenes👉🏼👈🏼,u know?).That’s pretty much that,I could talk about RWRB more but I know it will end up be a novel just about how much I LOVED IT. I can’t wait to read One last stop by the same author who made me feel countless of emotions in just one book.

P-S: Expect to see me posting(poems and the wonderful Chia already helped me giving me some ideas,aesthetics,drawings etc and maybe even a fic? Or a few?I’ll see). Alsooo,I’ll start SOA so lemme tell u if someone doesn’t mind to share my thoughts about this one and wish me luck for all the pain that I’ll be going through this one too).Why do I like pain so much?

Tagging some RWRB simps who I want to thank for bearing my thoughts and making me so excited for this book and hopefully I did not annoyed anybody: @shadowhunting-hooligans @carstairgray @gabtapia @niastormsanctuary-bolastairkanej @queen-born-out-of-fire @clarys-heosphoros

EVERYTHING YOU SAID. EVERYTHING.

ok let’s do this right i’m gonna try with a coherent answer—

hii bestie!! i’m fine and honestly now i’m even better because this ask just made my day and i read it twice because how could i not?? it’s literally exactly all i thought when i finished the book and i still think about all this 24/7, even after a month. this book is literally everything and it just stays in your veins.

and, honestly, you chose the perfect word. refreshing it’s exactly what this book is. except for those three horrible unnameable characters, all the characters were really refreshing and the relationships between them were so good and healthy that it was really refreshing. i loved alex and henry’s relationship, how it was developed and how it was built, it was so wholesome and it was definitely refreshing (yes now i clearly can’t stop using this word) to see so much communication and all this getting to really know each other inside out. and i totally agree, without knowing each other so well their story wouldn’t have been the same, they wouldn’t be so aware and so sure about going public and taking all the risks and consequences of that.

and their growth, both as individuals and as a couple, is amazing. the way alex is grateful to have met henry and how he learns to know himself better thanks to henry and how he learns to steady himself and slow down and the way henry learns to accept himself and learns that he deserves happiness, all of that without ever losing his kindness and his ability to love beyond measure even after years of being forced in the dark, always makes me emotional. they truly have some of the best character development i’ve ever seen, and it’s subtle and not rushed, and at the same time it’s so visible and tangible.

they’re definitely THE power couple and also THE comfort couple. seriously half of their scenes are the softest thing ever and they’re perfect for every mood. like, want to feel happy and laugh? reread the great turkey calamity or the karaoke scene. want to feel that sort of calm and soothing happiness? reread the scene at the beekman or alex’s speech at the end. want to get some serotonin? reread all their phone calls, email and texts. there are literally so many scenes i reread almost on a daily basis.

and i totally agree, the book was amazingly written, i loved the sceneries and even tho all these characters are probably the least relatable characters ever —considering one is a prince, one is the son of a president and the others are also involved in these spaces — they all end up being incredibly relatable, so much more than a lot of other characters i’ve read about. june and nora are also characters i loved so much because they were so relatable and so real.

rwrb is definitely one of my favorite books ever too and i can’t wait to read one last stop, from what i’ve heard so far it’s just as amazing!!

and i assure you bestie, you didn’t annoy anyone!! i loved reading all your thoughts and this last ask gave me life so pls do share your thoughts with the song of achilles too!! you’re gonna have to suffer and cry a lot there but it’s worth it, it’s really an amazing book. i’ll be here for moral support love 🧁🧁♥️♥️

anyway i hope you’re well too and having an amazing day, aside from the constantly missing rwrb part, because that’s gonna last a lot of time. ily and i’ll be waiting for more comments to cry and rant with you <33

[kaebedom-me]

alright this isn't a poly post but being Childe's best friend while he's pining for Kaeya??? like he's being all dramatic saying the beauty of the universe can't compare to Kaeya and you're all like 'have you even talked to him???' and he's like 'nooo but he's my soulmateeee' and just dealing with the chaos known as Chaeya (+bonus if you're Diluc's s/o and both of them just DONE with their pining and lock them into a closet to 'CONFESS FOR FUCKS SAKE')

consider this my offering to diluc to come home to me on feb 3rd on xiao’s banner on my first 10 pulls PLEASE IM BEG 

also nonnie you’re so big brained- i can’t get over this request like- chaeya pining??? diluc?????? ??????????????? i love it so much thank you for this request

being childe’s best friend is chaos enoUgH

he’s always getting into trouble, and you always have to help him??

but it’s also him telling you about his problems and him being there for yours? 

you two being plenty affectionate as friends too because you’re like best buds

childe’s always buying you shit and you always have to beat the shit out of him for buying you shit because wtf dude

little do you know he wants to fight you is why he’s finding ways to riles you up

pls you’re like one of his true friends because yeah he has cliques, the harbingers (whatever they are in this AU), and they hang occasionally, but they’re not like friends friends- 

so he really appreciates you as a person??? also zhongli!! they’d be buds too

y’all could be a little trio!

now you kinda know kaeya? from diluc-

wait idk how to do this- there’s so many possibilities??? pre-established diluc x you? or???? you pining for diluc??? or you being buds also w kaeya and know diluc??????

ah but for here i’ll do you and childe were both single at first? then you meet the loves of your lives-

i like to think you kinda know kaeya or know of him? and childe’s like kinda know him too but not really maybe acquaintances? they talked like once and my boy fell in love so hard (what au is this helP?? uNI?????? THE POSSIBILTIES i’ll leave it vague)

you know kaeya better after like meeting diluc? and you know oh they have some sort of relationship but diluc Does Not Want to talk about it

so one day childe’s acting all strange moping around and you’re like bro wtf?? and he confesses he’s into this guy

you being the good friend you are is super supportive and wants the hot deets

and you find out how fucking stupid your bff5ever is??? HAHHAHA he’s made eye contact w his crush once (1) and he’s thinking about marriage???

you do try to help him too and it’s a lot of childe talking about this mystery man for a long time HAHAHHA

zhongli comes by now and then and is like ah yes that man you will marry

zhongli is a little stupid too, thinks he’s already dating Kaeya but he doesn't know- because childe speaks as if they’re already dating so imagine zhongli’s surprise when you tell them they barely know each other HAHAHHAHAHHA

you get to know Kaeya better first, because he approaches you! mostly cuz he noticed how diluc’s around you a lot? so he approaches you out of curiosity

you don’t know this is childe’s man yet, so you’re all like whomst???? stop talking to me, you’re making diluc not look at me???

oh my god it’s a whole mess

you start hanging out with kaeya unwillingly but Diluc comes hang out with you twice the amount too

he’s lowkey jealous about kaeya hogging you he needs to be with you to cleanse you of kaeya lmAO

one fine day zhongli was shopping with childe and he sees you, he fucking sees you with kaeya and his heart sTops pulls zhongli aside into a bush to stalk you and zhongli’s all like “Childe, what are we doing in this bush” 

HAHAH childe telling him that’s the guy his soulmate, his one and only

zhongli like i feel he knows Kaeya too? kaeya gets around a lot so he moves over so he can join you and Kaeya-

childe’s in whole ass panic mode wtf zhongli what are you doing you’re gonna blow our cover!!! but follows also because what if zhonglie tELLS

you’re approached by two more men and really, you just want to vibe and get like matcha bubble tea or smth maybe visit diluc but Kaeya suddenly appeared and now zhongli is on his way and why does childe look so flustered??

y’all go thru the whole “oh you know them too!” bs 

zhongli’s glad to catch up with his friends, childe trying to get you to help and trying to tell you it’s hiM but also trying to play it cool (he’s doing a good job tho), you just want to vibe man, and kaeya’s like

kaeya’s reaching over to childe, eyes focused on childe’s neck, fingers light brushing against it and everyone’s attention is suddenly on them

Kaeya laughs, lightly patting on childe’s clothes, he asks if childe just walked into a tree or something and childe is  f l u s t e r e d  blushing, stuttering all that mess

you’ve connected the two dots, you didn’t connect shit, pining childe’s just easy to read when he’s panicking, but you connected them

zhongli opens his mouth to say the two of them were just hiding in a bush, but you manage to elbow him in the stomach so chaeya can have their little moment

KAEYA THE LITTLE SHIT, knowing full well now that childe’s got a crusH, plays it off and leans over, and tries to flirt w you????? he’s reaching over to you

but you’re suddenly yanked into someone’s chest

it’s diluc, glaring at Kaeya, doesn’t acknowledge anyone else just drags you away “we’re going on a date”

mmmm it’s your turn to get flustered now

leaves the other three stunned 

zhongli is the first one to recover tho, having seen a cake he wants to try, all but drags childe away

Childe’s too shooketh to do anything so he just gapes at Kaeya and Zhongli as he’s being dragged away while Kaeya waves cutely at him

i want to say kaeya slips his phone number into childe’s pocket but i kind of want childe to pine more and make it even more of a mesS-

but you- after being dragged away and once diluc deems it’s a safe distance away from Kaeya he’s suddenly flustered about holding onto your hands so tightly 

he’s all like “he’s trouble don’t hang w him” not looking at you, there’s tension but you don’t want to push so 

you tease him ofc tf “so a date huh”

and he fucking blushes 

he tries to leave because he just embarrASsed himself but you’re like nooo come back and say you’re gonna go do a thing and would love company?

so diluc agrees to take you, since he doesn't have much else to do- it’s totes not a date tho

plS HAHAHHA you can try to ask him about why he was around but he won’t tell you 

but you’re happy about how things are playing out right now? you’re content to walk beside diluc, a dumb smile plastered on your face

[katara0524]

Impromptu Ramblings about the NEO:TWEWY Demo

In case y'all weren't aware, I've been a pretty big fan of TWEWY for a couple years now, and with the sequel coming out next month, the excitement I feel for this game is greater than ever :) I played the Demo for the first time yesterday, and following a couple views of some livestreams of others playing it, I felt like sharing my (very ramble-y) thoughts prior to the release of the full game. This post WILL contain spoilers for both TWEWY and NEO:TWEWY, so if you want to avoid those from now on, please block the tags: #twewy spoilers, #ntwewy spoilers, #neo twewy spoilers, #ntwewy, and #neo twewy ^_^ Oh, and if you wanna keep up with any other posts I make about my experience with this game, please refer to the tag "kat plays neo twewy" :)

-First things first: I have not watched the Final Trailer and I don't plan on doing so to avoid spoilers, especially after the pre-release era of KH3 where a lot of the later trailers spoiled a lot of the endgame content. That being said, I've seen some minor screenshots from the final trailer including what many believe to be characters from the original TWEWY, namely Shiki and Joshua. That is all I know about the Final Trailer and I would very much like to remain as blind as possible going into NEO :)

-The very first cutscene was quite ominous in the sense that this game is likely going to be about "changing fate" (a recently common theme in Squeenix games, which I do appreciate), perhaps leading off from the end of A New Day in the OG and trying to stop an Inversion of Shibuya. Also worth noting that A New Day had similar aspects in which the main character experienced "future visions" of tragic events, although in A New Day these events were not able to be changed, while in NEO it seems like one of the main "powers" our protagonist has is specifically to rewrite these events and avoid a "bad ending." Very interesting indeed!

-I really like the revamped comic book style dialogue scenes, it's much more fluid and modern, which is an excellent direction for the series to take!

-I would love to have an actual PokemonGO knockoff of Final Fantasy creatures, please Squeenix that would be incredibleeeeee

-Also the LINE stickers??? Are so cute???

-I would just like to point out that Fret is an absolute treasure throughout this entire demo, he's hilarious and I will protect him with my life

-UHHHH don't like that Fret picked up some Reaper Pins just out of nowhere.....or the fact that they're apparently popular all over Shibuya.............did y'all not learn anything from the OG game or what lmao

-Okay so when I first got the "curry or ramen" scene and heard NPCs talking about the new curry place replacing the old ramen place I became IMMENSELY distressed that Ramen Don was totally cut from the game because....well, Ramen Don is a King okay?? But I'm glad to learn that no, he didn't fall off the face of the earth, he's still in business and he's the one opening the curry restaurant lolol. PHEW, crisis averted!

-.....I don't like the sudden appearance of a Wall Reaper and being able to read NPC thoughts. Wtf happened when they left the ramen place??? Are they playing the Game alive somehow?

-Okay so I have my own theories about this "Swallow" character and what they're up to but considering this is only the Demo and I still Have No Idea What's Happening, I'm just gonna say that I think Swallow intentionally led Rindo and Fret to the Crossing so they could join the Game. I mean, add in the fact that Swallow still communicates with Rindo during the Game and you've got yourself a suspicious character right there lol

-"Hey they're shooting off fireworks!" Fret honey that's not fireworks oof (see also: "*laughs* I'm in danger")

-WOOOOOO way to traumatize Rindo right off the bat like that LMAOO

-The visuals for the intro are VERY GOOD, the song is pretty decent until it gets all "screamo" (which I absolutely cannot stand sorry lol)

-Shoka is every Customer Service employee ever and I respect that

-Susukichi went from being "meh" to "WOW THIS GUY IS FUN" in the span of 10 seconds and I also respect that (he is also built like an Absolute Unit which is hilarious)

-The Wall Reapers (and just Reapers in general) seem.....way nicer and more helpful this time around?? Like in the OG the Wall Reapers were SO RUDE gfhjgjdfkhn and yeah I'm sure we'll get some like that but the juxtaposition of the first Wall Reaper in the OG compared to the first one in NEO is insane.

-The puzzles are quite a bit more entertaining this time around even if it's generally the same "fetch quest" formula lol

-"Rindo's Group" way to go Fret HFKJDGHSDFKJ mans really left the default name in there lmao

-OKAYOKAYOKAY so to those who aren't aware I am a MASSIVE SIMP for Sho Minamimoto, he's my absolute favorite and I think about him daily. HIS INTRODUCTION IS. INCREDIBLE. I LOVE IT SM.

-GOD hearing him actually SPEAK FULL SENTENCES is just SO SURREAL I love this sm

-Also the remix of his theme???? NEO TRANSFORMATION????? IT'S SO GOOD????????? It's like gone from a Boss Theme to a more triumphant sounding theme and I am HERE for it (every version of Transformation is just INCREDIBLE and getting a new one is even better)

-I Love Him, Your Honor

-Also idk how exactly but it's kinda weird seeing Sho in the OG vs NEO, cuz while he's mostly the same Insane Math-Obsessed Catboy, he's.....calmed down quite a bit?? Like OG made a whole point of how poorly he cooperates with others (not to mention just being completely unhinged and trying to kill everyone), whereas here in NEO he's......actually kinda working with others??? HELLO???? Sir what happened to you and Neku during those 3 years I would love to know all about it

-I guarantee you Sho is still probably scheming shite and will likely pull some total insane BS later down the road, and I am very much looking forward to that. Also, is he looking for a certain Pin or something??? Cuz he keeps talking about different Pins and even mentions "this is just another Psych Pin" like he's actively looking for a Pin to do something with. Maybe it also has to do with the "latent powers of Players" thing he mentioned as well??? What is this dude UP TO oml (also is he in contact with Neku at all?? they're both technically fugitives at this point right?? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER A NEW DAY I AM BEGGING YOU)

-I seems like Sho ALSO has an idea of what's going on in this specific game (even if he won't admit it straightforward). Per his quote "The game's 142,857. Factor it out," he's essentially saying, "This game is a neverending cyle, figure out how to get out of it" (or at least that's what I got from his "cyclic number" nonsense lolol)

-I do like how Sho mostly stays out of sight until he's needed for a battle or assisting with a mission, that's kind of on par with his whole "uncooperative" quirk from the OG, plus he might literally have to stay out of sight of other Reapers and Players considering he's likely breaking the rules of the Game (not surprising considering him and Neku broke practically every rule in the book during OG)

-The nicknames for Sho- I can't- They're so FUNNYYYY GFHJSDFKJ

-He goes from being called "Pi-Face" and "Tabooty" in OG to "Mr. Minami" and "M-Teezy" in NEO LMAOO

-(Wowee I just realized I've been mostly talking about Sho oopsies sorry y'all, this is what I meant by thinking about him almost daily he is THAT much of a fav of mine ghfkjsd)

-Okay RIP Fret and Rindo for not getting literally ANY explanation as to how the Game works OOF, that is kinda cringe that whoever gets the Pin earns points, not whoever erases the Noise (which like I understand but also URRRGGHHH I WANNA SEE THE SQUAD SUCCEED)

-"I should be going home now it's getting late" Oh you sweet summer child-

-Also love the mention of parents in this game???? KH you could learn a thing or two from TWEWY (poor Rindo's mom fhgjkdh)

-KUBO IS HILARIOUS I SUPPORT HIM AND HIS GROSS FACE (also thank you Final Trailer thumbnail for spoiling my suspicions about him very cool smh)

-Kaie is a LAD I also support him, go King type those funky texts I believe in you

-FRET PLS STOP SCANNING FHGJKSDHKJFGHFKJ he's like me when I scan in OG during Weeks 2 and 3 and see Taboo Noise coming after me ghfjdshfj

-Also Rindo can you stay off your phone for TWO SECONDS ik you're trying to figure things out but Fret is a jelly boi and I don't want him to be upset with you my guy

-Sho being an actual sorta mentor to the kiddos?? Who are you sir this is so unlike you ghfgskj what happened to the guy who tried shooting children in the face 8 times over LMAO (granted he's probably just using them but it's still nice to see him actually cooperating and sharing knowledge with the kiddos aaaaa)

-EYO EIJI OJI THE TIKTOK INFLUENCER IS BACK LMAO

-hgjkfshgkjf "we aren't glorifying capitalism on my watch" THATS SO FUNNY TO ME GFHJFSDGHJKS (also an all-orange ensemble is disgusting you deserve jail for one thousand years fkn Cheddar Goldfish Cheezit ass woman)

-WICKED TWISTERS NAME DROP EYOOO we love to see it

-gfhsgjf Poor Rindo embarassing himself for the sake of the Game that's incredible

-R e t u r n t o M O N K E. That is all.

-Dialogue during boss battles is HELLA cool i love that

-HHHHH THE KANON SCENE MADE ME A N G E R Y FRET STOP SIMPING MY GUY says the girl with a Literal Simp Encyclopedia and simps for pixels on a screen daily

-Can't wait to see the other Reapers :eyes emoji:

-CAN'T WAIT TO SEE NAGI MY BELOVED YEAHHHH WOOOOOO AAAAND that's about it for the demo lolol, I absolutely CANNOT wait for next month, this game is gonna be INCREDIBLE holy hell Prepare for more simping, more screaming, and more vibing from Yours Truly :) I fully intend on sharing more general thoughts like this on both Tumblr and Twitter so it's not just reblog-retweet-reblog-retweet with the occasional comment fhgskjd

If you wanna witness my insanity up close and personal I have a Square Enix Discord server called Sea Side Dreamers! You can look it up on Disboard, or you can add me on Discord @Katara0524#9244 for a direct link :) We have topics about Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, NieR, and ofc TWEWY (as well as other topics!), so if you want some good ol' chaos and chitchat, you're more than welcome to join!

[indimlights]

✨Merry christmas Cille✨

To: @birthdaysentiment 💛

-> From: @indimlights (Rodrigo)

Hi Cille! I guess it's up to me to kick off this "little" surprise but I don't even know where to start...

I remember really well the first time I saw a post of yours, I was still lurking back then and the moment I read it I felt so many things, things I don't know how to describe and that I never thought words could make me feel and I knew, I just knew that I had to see more. Fast-forward a couple of hours I knew your blog by heart, I had looked at so many of your posts and every single one was as amazing as the first one, as touching as the first one and as deep as the first one.

The meaning you put on words still gets to me every single day, you have such a way into them and don't even get me started on your music analysis. The moment I read the first one I was mind-blown! The things you catch, the connections you make between the music and the scene, the way you describe the scenes, it makes me go back, relive the moment and feel everything I felt the first time I watched it and all this just by... reading your words! If that doesn't tell me how amazing you are with them I don't know what will.

From that day I always wished I could talk to you, get to know the person behind the words, behind the masterpieces, behind the blog because you seemed like such a sweet person and now... After some time, I got that chance and I'm so happy I got it. You are everything I thought you would be and 1000x more, you are sweet, caring, smart, loving, wise, joyful and so supportive to me and to everyone in this community! You always spread love and that's so important and so nice of you to do, the way you write essays in the tags for everyone's posts just shows that! It's such a simple thing but means so much.

And I'm not even mentioning how talented you are with non-written posts because those are on another level aswell, I mean you always surprise me with your ideas and creativity and just knowing that whenever I come here I will have some sort of attack waiting for me just keeps me going and I love everything you do so much.

I'll never be able to thank you enough for being so welcoming when I barely knew anyone and for making me feel so much more comfortable here! Getting to know you better and to share this experience with someone like you has been a blessing and I wouldn't change any second of it, thank you for everything you have done and for always being so sweet to me. I don't understand what I did to deserve all that but that just shows again how wonderful you are.

I'm wishing you a merry christmas! Surrounded by everyone you love and that makes you happy because you deserve that and so much more, please never change, never stop being like this, a special and wonderful person. I hope you enjoy this surprise :) Have a wonderful day Cille 💛

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-> From: @remy3010 (Remy)

Hihi Cille❤ I love your blog so much especially music analysis! I just fall in love with your music analysis since your first posts.

For me whose mother tongue is not English, it takes a while to read but I'd love to. Because these articles deserve more people to see (including me)！

I have read every article of yours, the content touches me all the time. (Sometimes I have a lot of words want to tell you, But I don’t know how to speak in English..sorry🥺so I give❤ and reblog)

Anyway, thank you for writing beautiful words and sharing with us! I hope you can keep this passion forever, and everything go well. May you have wonderful days my friend ❤

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-> From: @franboos (Francine)

hi bb cille,

wanted to tell u that i love u blog and the time u put into analyzing stuff is shhshdhdhdhd. queen shit. u seen so genuine to talk to idk, i get those nice, non judgmental, relaxed and cool vibes from u. lmao. pls stay on tumblr for as long as u can cuz i love ur posts. u notice such little things in clips from wtfock, like u have a very detailed eye miss hehe. i really want to get to know u more cuz i really think we could vibe v well together, and that’s on perioood 😌. i hope u have a great great day while reading this queen. never stop what you’re doing cuz ur great at it. i love you !!

many kusjes and knuffels*,

fran

(*knuffels means hugs but also stuffed animal in dutch, did u know that? otherwise now u do, nice isn’t it)

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-> From: @dagcutie (Pauline)

hey hey cille!!

I must admit i’m very much a fan of you and your blog

first of all, your posts? chefs kiss!! i mean your music analysis are amazing and so on point, your photo edits are always perfect and the colorings are so beautiful, your long text posts 'drabble/headcanon style' are so cute and always makes me so soft and emotional...

your love for black and white? that’s a big yes!! anyways everything you do is perfect!!

also can we take a moment to appreciate your person? i think we can and we must do it..

you’re always so supportive and kind, all the nice tags you let under peoples creations are so sweet!! I also could cry about how cute you are always leaving lovely messages to people inbox or coming randomly to them to say something nice.. you’re the most beautiful soul and a blessing for this fandom!! please never stop being you!! ily a lot, sending you all my love and i wish you an amazing day<3

knus og kys til dig💛✨

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-> From: @allee-sander (Tanya)

Cille, you are an amazing person. you are so kind and loving. every time i see you on my dash, my face lights up. you are a literal angel. you are loved and appreciated, never forget that.

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-> From: @tsjernobyl (Emma)

Cille, you are a genuinely kind and loving soul who's just on this site to talk about the things you love and spread a little joy and everyone can tell that the moment they go onto your blog. i've seen you be nothing but lovely to everyone you interact with and it's a real honor to be mutuals with you and interact from time to time. You are always one of the sweetest and most supportive people here, and i hope you feel that love flowing back to you at all times because you always have my warmest wishes and love!!!!!

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-> From: @dreamaur (Ann)

How does it feel to be so cool and sweet and supportive??? I love you and your mind and how you see so many details and capture them so well with words,,,queen keep going with your top tier analysis and text posts that make me emotional everything single time

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-> From: @annonymannonym (Alice)

Where do I even begin ummm ... well words may not be enough to describe such angelic human being that Cille is but today is about her *about you Cille* !♡! Honestly I’m so so happy and honoured and so grateful to have meet and know you and come along your blog and your amazing posts and edits , let’s s not forget about the masterpiece that your analysis is cuz I live for every single one of them ! Always so on point and touchy and so so emotionally, they give you a whole new perspective and point of view and helps you connect with the person that goes throught those feelings , helping you understand so much deeper the feelings and the emotions he experience in that right moment( so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time and writing these it really shows how much passion and love you put on making these! they absolute helped me to understand and feel much more the meaning behind all these little moments you captured so so well and wonderful ! ) You’re always such a blessing here so lovely friendly so goodhearted and sooo on ... < insert here all the good compliments in the world > cuz they all applies to you ! Know that you’re so special and such a light a sunshine wherever you are and go , you always spread so much positivity and good energy and love and compassion and you support every single people your way comes along with and you shown so much respect and love and understanding ! Always with a wise and thoughtful mind and with the right words at you using them with so much care and mining fullness ! And your blog i love love love it the b&w aesthetic and your love for it owns my heart !! I adore your posts so much ( or ramblings or thoughts as you may call them but know they are so so much more than that its a way of yours to express yourself and open up and pour every feeling you experience and many people found themselves and feel with you , I find myself in them and resonate with them every time ! ahh and your tags that you write in every post are sooo sweet and cute i could read them all day long just coming on your blog and read them makes my day so much better ) they are such a good way to brighten your day and they put a smile on my face whenever i see you on my dash truly a blessing to have you here! Never forget how unique and special human being you are and every one who has you in their lives are very blessed to have you ! Never change being this beautiful inside and out but most importantly inside ! literally a tresure your soul is and must be protected at all cost so take very good care of it ! Don’t forget to always do what makes you happy and gives joy and peace and just you know that good feeling you have in your chest and heart whenever you do something you love and like with passion and joy. I could say so much more but maybe I’ll repeat myself cuz there are never enough compliments to say about how wonderful person you are! you deserve every single one of them ! I really meant every word i said from the bottom of my heart and know that i really apreciate and love all you do and I’ll be here to support you anytime! You deserve the absolute world and more!! love you Cille! ♡ Okey bye✿

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-> From: @robbesdriesen (Bianca)

Cille ~ such a lovely presence to see on my dash always!! Your support towards everyone in the fandom is more than appreciated and so is your love that you continuously aim to spread <3

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-> From: @happilyinsane (Dharaa)

Hey Cille 💕

Just wanted to say that I think you are really sweet and lovely. I see you everywhere on the tumblr. Wanna thank you for keeping this fandom alive during the drought and keep us entertained. I see your tags on people's posts and I always feel like you are so kind and sweet to spend your time appreciating people's work. Doesn't matter if its a photo or an edit or whatever. You are so nice to pay attention to everyone individually. You are such a good friend/mutual, always appreciating and sliding into their asks and just making their day a lil bit better. You definitely bring so many smiles on our faces. I am sure everyone is very thankful to have you in this fandom, I know I am.

I know we haven't interacted that much but thank you for sliding into my asks and giving me an opportunity to interact with you. You are the sweetest, baby. And I hope you like this whole thing that Rodrigo is doing, because you definitely deserve it. Keep lighting up our dashes with your posts, pls. Ilysm 💕

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-> From: @alwaysaneverland (Sarah)

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-> From: @theflowerisblue (Lola)

Cille! You’re such a present part of the tag! You’re always interacting and posting and I love reading what you have to say. Your music analysis are so interesting and I also think you’re really funny! I love your black and white aesthetic and most of all I love how supportive and positive you’re towards everyone!

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-> From: @fvae (Fae)

hi cille!! I'm really glad to have met you through this fandom and I hope you like the surprise!! I loved to read your song analysis because they're always on point and well thought of👌 💯  and your edits!! *chef's kiss*

sending you lots of love and hugs 💕💖💫

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-> From: @embeddedinmybrain (Tasfia)

Hi Cille! You are just a ray of sunshine!! And you are the sweetest and kindest person here. I loved following through with your wtfock music analysis posts bc everything you felt is exactly what I felt. They made me really emotional!! And of course I (and Sarah and Fae) appreciate your tags for moyo season so much. We wait for them and we read them to each other and we just love seeing your reactions to it. Your edits are incredibly amazing too and I love the colouring in them. You are just an amazing sweetheart and I’m so glad to know you 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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-> From: @veerledejaegers (Soph)

Cille, you are very friendly and sweet, always insightful and seem like an incredibly lovely person that i hope i can get to know better ❤️(also love the black and white aesthetic)

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-> From: @sanderxrobbee (Semri)

Cilleeeeeeeeeeee loml!!!! Merry Christmas to you! I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope you get to spend all the holidays in the best way possible! You’re such a blessing to this fandom because you’re talented in every single way, whether it’s your writing or your godly Photoshop skills, oh and let’s not forget your dedication because you’re there all the time to brighten our days and make us smile. I haven’t known you for long, but I truly love and appreciate all you do and I’m grateful that you always take the time to compliment everything and everyone. You have no idea how much it makes me smile when you say my gifs are good because I’ve yet to learn a lot, but you are seriously one of the biggest reasons I haven’t given up the second something got too complicated. Where am I going with this? No idea. Anyway, I adore the fuck out of you and I’m happy to take part in this “project” because you really deserve all the love in the world. Once again, happy holidays!

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-> From: @hopelessromanticvirgo (Elene)

Talking about you Cille is making me always so emotional but I will try my best not to burst out from love and emotions. You’re one of the sweetest person here and I will never get tired of saying that.

We haven’t talked that much directly but I don’t need that to know you’re one of the greatest person here, I just know that for sure. I’m also sure about it because I can see the way you treat people? Even speaking about your tags? Like you take the time out of your day to make sure everybody gets love and everybody gets attention. You make all of us smile and I adore your tags on my stories. You can’t even imagine how many times I have reread your posts about it, like I crave it, I’m in love with it, it makes me feel so happy and so loved and I’m certain that everybody else feels the same way too. You always know how to make everybody’s day better and how to make them feel special.

And please, don’t even get me started on your posts! Your song analysis. Like I know I’ve told you this thousands of times before but I don’t care, I’m saying it again! The way you pictured and described all those songs and scenes!!! Like wow! I’d always reread your posts about that one specific scene after rewatching the season countless of times. (And you also did so many scenes!! I’m in awe and I’m emo from just thinking about it)

Watching clips were different but reading them with lyrics were a whole other thing. I just felt so connected with the whole story and scenes when I’d ready your posts. And connect scenes with the music and it was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still go back and reread some of my favorite posts of yours. I never get tired of it.

And you’re so kind and so sweet that I could write essays about it! Such a blessing to this world! I just love you a lot okay? Everybody needs somebody like you, somebody who shines from kindness and love and people around you must be so lucky who get to meet you everyday and talk to you!

Thank you so much for everything you do, for being you and for making my day better and making me smile every time you reblog my posts or every time I just see your username on my dashboard! It’s such a small gesture but means so much!

Thank you for existing, babe! I hope you’re gonna have a wonderful day! And I’m sending you the biggest hug and my positive vibes! I hope a smile never leaves your face! And I only wish the best things up onto you! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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-> From: @itubainaretro (Esther)

Cille, my queen!!! Hi, sweetheart! Just dropping by to say that I hope you’re having a good day, despite the situation that the world is in, and that you’re feeling happy, loved, cherished and warm today, because you’re you and you deserve to feel all the best feelings in the world! I wish you all the happiness in the world and that all your wishes come true too, because you sure deserve it! Thank you for being this amazing, inspiring, talented and sweet person that you are and that I’ve come to know a little bit in the past few months! I know we don’t exactly talk that much, but I want you to know that I love seeing you, your beautiful edits and your extremely heart warming “moments that live in my head rent free” posts on my dash daily! They all really make my days! Thank you for sharing your posts with us and making this fandom (and the world, honestly) a better place! You’re amazing and I’m really glad I pressed the follow button the day I did when I started following you! I hope this little message makes you smile today, babe! Best wishes and lots and lots of love,

Esther (itubainaretro) ♥️

PS: don’t forget to hydrate yourself, wear a mask and stay safe haha xxxx.

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-> From: @driesendotkom (Marie)

Dear cille,

the reason i‘m writing this is to simply say thank you. thank you for being such a stable part of the fandom. every time i go into the tag i know i will see you there and it makes me smile every time. i can’t tell you how many hours i spent reading every one of your song analysis. even now a year after season 3 ended i find myself going back to them now and then to reminisce and relive those moments all over again.

i also want to say thank you for being such a kind and welcoming person. you care so much about the people you are close to. you are so easy to talk to and you make the people around you feel comfortable instantly. you brought a little bit of hygge into my life and one more time i want to say thank you 💛

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-> From: @driesenrobbe (Becca)

my dear, sweet, cille! you never fail to make me smile and im beyond happy that we became mutuals! im sure i’ve already said this a million times before but you really do have the biggest heart and i couldn’t thank you enough for all the love and support you constantly share to everybody in the wtfock fandom. plus the talent you possess... girllllll i love seeing your edits and reading your posts (honestly your mind is just wowowowow, it’s on a whole other level of incredible and i hope you know just how wonderful you are). also the way you always write entire essays in the tags of other posts... like you really do take the time to make everyone feel so welcomed and loved, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of love and appreciation in return! you really are the sweetest, most caring person who deserves all the happiness in the world, an actual ray of sunshine! i hope you know how loved and cherished you are, and that good vibes are always being sent your way. Many hugs and kusjes, ilysm!!!! <3

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-> From: @mijnlief (Eline)

Dear Cille,

This year has been a weird one, but I do know that it has also been one of the best because of meeting you. In such a short time we became so close, and I am so grateful to have met you during these weird times. We are so alike in many ways and I love that so much. Our Skype conversations are my favorite and the essays you send me about my writing and just about me being me always make me feel happy and loved. You are the kindest and most generous person ever. I hope you know how special you are. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved this year and for choosing yourself in situations where it got hard to make a choice in the first place. I know I tell you that everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again right here. I hope this post makes you smile, because you deserve that so much for just being who you are. You bring happiness to all of my days and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon when everything in the world calms down again. I love you lots! 🧡 Eline

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-> From: @onzeziggy (Laurien)

My sweetest Cille, where do I even begin? I suggest we should just begin from the very beginning and I’m sorry in advance if this is going to be a long, sappy text! But now that I have the chance (shout out to Rodrigo) for saying everything I want, I’m not able to tell you how long this will take.

So Cille, I still remember very clearly the first time I saw your account appearing on my dash. It was a music analysis from one of the songs from season 3. I was so amazed by it, because I could imagine how much time it takes to make it and observe every little detail in a single clip. I immediately fell in love with the concept of it and one week later, when you posted another one, my mouth dropped to the floor. Another music analysis? From the same person? Who is she and how do I become her friend? After that second post, I immediately started following you and became your little fangirl. I don’t lie when I say I was waiting every week for a new update of your incredible music analysis nor when I say I loved every single one of them (and still do). I know I already said this a million times, but your words of telling what was going on in every clip, about the emotions present in them, and how the music blended all of it together… No one, and I mean no one could have done it any better! I will forever be grateful for those posts and I want to thank you once again for wanting to share them and your talent with us!

After the music analysis adventure, your picture edits catched my eye. I love them so so much and I also took some creation of it for making some myself. Still, I was this little fangirl, knowing your name is Cille, but also wanting to know so much more about the person behind one of my favorite blogs. And now, during this hiatus, I can say I’ve got to know you and I couldn’t be any happier about it! Starting with little comments in each other’s tags, having little chats in the comment sections to screaming about a possible drawing of Robbe from Sander on their one year anniversary. And look at us now, reblogging almost every post and writing essays in each other’s tags hahah! Honestly, it keeps me alive during these times and I’m so glad I can do this together with you! I live for your attacks! Aaaah now that I’m talking about an attack, the fact that you have a dimples post ready is making me so excited and I think about it every day! We both know what’s important in love and life and that’s Robbe’s dimples! But this right here shows once again what an amazing sweet person you are! No one on here has ever done anything like this for me before, so I can’t thank you enough for this and all the other things you did and still do for me! And the privilege I have to be able to call you my friend warms my heart <33

I’m going to end this with a little quote Robbe wrote in one of his Instagram posts. When I read it again a couple of days ago, I immediately thought of you and what we’ve been through together the last few weeks :’)) Once again, thank you so much for everything you do for me and for everyone here in this fandom and being the amazing person you are! You deserve the whole world for it!

“Sometimes it’s like we just met yesterday, but other days it seems like I already know you my whole life, I love you Cille!” <33

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I hope you enjoyed this💛 If you didn't know this community loved you yet (and I don't think that was possible), now you definetly do.

Extra: I'd like to thank once again everyone that took part it this surprise, you are all the sweetest for taking some time to write this and to help me with it! Thank you so so much✨

[ayeshintheclouds]

I watched Never Have I Ever!! And I have many many thoughts. Just about on every aspect of it so oops this might be kinda long. But I like having somewhere public to post it cuz I don’t have to be apologetic and guilty about making it long, cuz if I was texting someone id feel as if I’m making them obligated to read so much.

Anyways!

Overall, I quite enjoyed the show! There’s a lot of controversy around it, i keep saying a lot of indian girls complaining about being misrepresented. Which I agree that they have a right to, because it’s the first time we’ve ever gotten a main character representing us, and we can’t help but hold her to a higher standard. But I’m trying to look past that a little, past the stereotypes and see it more by itself in terms of a plot and character development rather than just the cultural standpoint.

In no particular order, here are some opinions about the show and characters:

I loved the realistic arguments they show the night of her dad’s death. Honestly, they were a bit jarring how similar they are to our family, and how sometimes under pressure everyone kinda turns on each other and doesn’t get along. I thought that was a really realistic scene how a little thing like losing a music sheet ends up turning into a lot of unnecessary drama.

I love Paxton! I still absolutely can’t decide who I ship more with Devi but I do love his character. He genuinely does care for his sister, and he’s so quick to sacrifice his pride and call Devi when his sister needs help, even though he’s really mad at Devi rn. I think it’s adorable that his sister even gives him relationship advice. And Paxton is genuinely such a good friend, although he’s tryna be all cool and stuff, he encouraged her to be herself in her indian dress and I hate how Devi disregards his whole personality and only wants him physically. It upset me that she only saw him as some status symbol to obtain, never really an actual human with feelings. He deserved better, so although I love him, I’m not sure I ship him with her after she kinda used him the whole show.

The car ride scene!!! With Paxton and Devi! Ok I watched this scene approximately a bajillion times! I think it might be my favorite moment in the whole show. I love everything about it, the subtle glances they cast each other the entire time, the neon lights as they drive through the city, the way for once in the show she seems somewhat like emotionally vulnerable and nervous rather than brash and hot headed. The music was beautiful too.

I love Fab and Eleanor!!! I love their stories and I’m so so glad they got the attention from the show at least since they didn’t get it from Devi. Fab is literally so adorable and I just wanted to hug her🥺 Eleanor’s mom made me so frikin mad and I’m truly really glad Eleanor learned to live without her and how Fab helps her deal with it. I know it’s pretty dramatic how she stays dressing all different and changing her personality, but I related to that so much:(when someone hurts me or walks out on me, it makes me feel not like myself anymore, and I often visibly and noticeably change my attitude and behavior for a while before springing back.

The Kamala plotline!!! Uhhhhh ok very mixed feelings. I thought Steve was adorable. They just discarded him when he was an absolute sweetheart and it made me so sad for him🥺poor Steve. I do like that they’re actually showing arranged marriage for what it is though. In my opinion it is a very traditional and flawed procedure, as we see when Devi’s mom has kamala wear a certain outfit and has her hide the career part of her personality, to try to be a certain way she’s not. BUT I think i am glad that they didn’t show it as something forced upon her, like she’s being married off against her will to some creep she’s never ever met. It’s more like a blind date but arranged by parents. And although she is pretty pressured into it, she has the power to back out any time (even if it’ll somewhat outcast her). And I like that they decide to continue their relationship but on their own terms and he likes her for who she is. I think overall it’s a pretty solid and realistic representation of arranged marriage: a very traditional way of doing things with many flaws, but not forced or oppressive or morally wrong in any way, and can usually work out quite nicely many times. Except why’d they break poor Steve’s heart like that:(((

Ben. Ok Ben grew on me a lot through the show. He was such a complex and interesting character and I thought his development was so amazingly done. I thought he was truly such a sweet soul for doing all that he did for her, letting her stay over, convincing her to spread the ashes, driving her there so fast. I almost feel like he doesn’t deserve her either😂. And hhfjdndndnd I really don’t know how to feel about that end scene that was wild omg. But romance aside. Ben is such a well written character and I think he really was neglected by his family and I really hope that changes or he finds a family in Devi’s.

I know her parents and the therapist were side characters. But I think they’re pretty cool. I like the really sweet relationship her parents had. It was so typical indian parents yet adorable. The motorcycle ride and the comforting scene🥺 I love them a lot they remind me of my own parents. And I think her mom is infinitely strong for dealing with the death of her soulmate and Devi being so absolutely difficult. I think the therapist was extremely patient and the scenes with her were hilarious. I loved most about her how genuine she was. No therapist irl would care enough for the patients health that they would so blatantly disagree with them and even suggest they find someone else if it’ll help them. They would never risk losing the money and offending the client. I once heard someone say that they’d love to be a child therapist cuz all they have to do is agree with everything the kids say, be like “aw yeah the world hates u ur parents hate u, ur right” like feed into their teen angst, and the kid convinces their parents to keep paying for your services. But Dr Ryan is like a mother. She just wants what’s best for Devi, and she’s willing to sacrifice her own profit for it.

Ok I guess I should probably talk about my biggest issue with the show which is Devi. I kinda hate her😭I tried so hard I really did but I genuinely cannot bring myself to like her character. I don’t agree with almost any of her actions and her behavior upset me a lot. And pls you don’t understand she nearly killed me with second hand embarrassment the first episode in approaching Paxton like that aaAAAA Like I was basically watching through my hands at that point. I know she’s going through so much, she really has a lot of trauma and grief. But I can’t help but feel like the way she handles it is not very realistic at all, cuz I know people with trauma and they would never use it to justify the awful things she does. I know that everyone grieves differently and everyone has different coping mechanisms, but I just cannot bring myself to like her. Coping mechanisms that hurt others immensely are so unhealthy and I feel like she should’ve at least redeemed herself somehow. Maybe I sympathized with her at some points. But never liked her. I think she was disgusting to her friends, she always assumed her problems mattered more than theirs despite Fab and Eleanor having such heavy stuff happening. She didn’t even bother caring, and I’m convinced the only reason she even came back and tried to make it up was because of her own selfish reasons: she didn’t want to be lonely and friendless (she literally admits that!) and she’s jealous of that new kid they’re friends with. She does not seem at any point to actually care for their feelings as humans, and treats them like status symbols, two objects she owns to show people she has a social life. She reminds me of Greg from Diary of a Wimpy Kid and not in a good way; he was so awful to Rowley and obsessed with popularity and narcissistic Blegh. Also with Paxton like I mentioned before, she only cares about his body and popularity and literally does not care for his friendship and personality the slightest bit. I think it was disgusting that she lied about sleeping with him like that, cuz it may have been manageable to him, but for a lot of people, that’s like a pretty messed up thing and I don’t think they’d want to be friends with someone who was that creepy and a blatant liar. The stuff she said to her mom about wishing she was dead, that absolutely broke my heart. I can’t imagine being her mother in that moment and hearing your daughter say something like that after losing the love of your life. I think that would be like the worst thing to say to someone grieving, and might potentially endanger their mental health. I was truly worried for her mom, even though I know it wouldn’t be that type of show. Honestly. The only reason I don’t like full on despise her and think she’s irredeemable is because I pity her so much. She lost her dad and wasn’t able to walk for a year. That’s a lot of pain. But truly, like Fab said, it’s not a free pass to be a jerk. And a character shouldn’t be written in a way that their only redeemable quality is that u pity them to hold them less accountable for their actions.

Overall I enjoyed the show!! Minus devi😭but besides that, I’m so glad we’re getting some representation and there’s a new really cute and fresh show to watch during quarantine. I NEED A SEASON TWO SO BAD PLS and I really really hope Devi grows up a bit more in it and maybe I’ll start to like her:)

[pinkykitten]

The best date ever

DC

Arthur Curry x female! reader

Warning: curse words

Specifics: fluff, romance, comedy, one-shot, pictures, gifs, race-neutral reader

People: arthur curry, you, diana prince 

Words: 2,620

Requested: By @divaanya Hi!!! So about that sequel to The Old Man's Tale.. 😍😂 I'm not sure if you wanted specifics here or in submissions, so I'll put them here... I was thinking simply about them having that dinner, maybe Arthur picking her up in the morning, showing her around the town, then them eating and talking about her drawings and just fluff...😍😍😍 And I'd love to read anyting you feel like writing about them... And any other aquaman fics you come up with!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Authors Note: srry fam for not posting in a while, ive just been rlly stressed out lately with some personal things like my plate is so full. so pls fam be patient i am still writing just at a slow pace, i need to find a good time to write so im still working that out rn. i hope u guys like this, again srry my peeps! <3<3<3

“Oh my god,” you shouted as you quickly rose up from your slumber, remembering today was the day. “Crap! I have that date with,” you sigh. “My sexy hunk of a hero.”

At the speed of light you got ready, making sure you looked beautiful and glamorous for this date. 

“Perfect,” you chuckled as you looked at yourself in the mirror, posing and modeling to yourself. 

All of a sudden you heard a car’s horn beep from outside. You grabbed your things such as your sketchbook, your phone, the same things Arthur had saved. You open the door and there is standing Arthur with a bouquet of flowers. 

“I found these and thought ‘hey they are beautiful’, and then I thought for a while ‘who could I give this to,’ and then I thought of you.” Arthur grinned from ear to ear, his personality seemed to beam and make the world a better place. 

“Awww these are for me? Arthur they are extremely beautiful,” you stand on your tippy toes and give him a peck on his cheek. “Thank you! Let me find a vase for these.”

While you are putting the flowers away, Arthur stares at you from afar. You are truly a beauty. He can’t help but linger longer in looking at your curves, your body. The way the dress hugged you tightly, the curve of your butt. Your legs that to him looked better than even Diana Prince. The way you moved yourself about made Arthur like you more, made him want to understand you and get to know you more. 

“You look really, really, really, pretty today y/n.” 

You turn around, bashful and place the vase on a nearby table, “oh stop you! But thank you, you always look handsome yourself Curry. Whelp are you ready to go?”

“Ready as ready can get sweetheart,” Arthur opened the door for you. “But before we eat, how about I show you the best places around town?”

“I would really like that,” you smile as you take Arthur’s hand that he offered you and go to his car.

As Arthur’s driving a sweet melody of a tune is playing on the radio, making the morning relaxing. 

“I can’t wait to see where you live! All the stuff you do daily, things that make you happy, stuff like that,” you smile as you wrap your tiny arm around his strong, muscled one. Arthur grins seeing how adorable you are and how interested you look at knowing about his home. 

(ok but i love this gif because his smile is the bomb and the scrunchie is my life; sometimes i ask myself, how r we the same species?)

He gently holds your small hand and laces his thick fingers with yours. You peer up at him and see he is speaking about something the opposite way. Your heart beats vigorously, you are bashful and try to hear what he is talking about but you just stare at your two hands together, his and yours. They looked perfect as one, this meant something right?

“So what do you think, onto another sight?” Arthur asked, now his focus was on you. You fanned yourself and breathed harshly, “ooh is it me or is it extremely hot in here? Wooo, woah, ok, wow.”

“Y/n, its colder than an igloo in here, how in god’s name are you hot?”

“...menopause?”

Arthur chuckled, knowing exactly why you were like this. He knew it was about him holding your hand. He felt the way you tensed up when he did that, it made him for some reason happy. Happy to know that you were nervous around him because then you care about how he sees you, you care about his feelings. 

“You look beautiful by the way sweetheart. You know what I don’t think there has ever been a day for you when you didn’t look beautiful.”

You swatted his way as you chuckled while rolling your eyes, “you’re too much Arthur Curry. Do you flirt with all your girls like this?”

“No...just you.”

Your eyes bugged wide open and you tried to change the subject. “What’s that place over there?”

“Oh that, that’s the ice skating rink. Its been there for like forever, its really fun. It may not look much but that’s where people just enjoy each others company, love birds, kids, teenagers, you name it, they go there.”

“That sounds so nice. Lovebirds you say though?” You raise your brow as your arm rests on the center console of the car. Arthur turns his head from the window to you and his head moves closer to yours. In a sultry, raspy, deep voice he says, “yeah many, many lovebirds go there. They dance around each other and sometimes get to touch.” Arthur comes closer and his lips almost go to yours, but then he stops. He smiles, “that means then we should go!” He gets out of the car so quickly you didn’t have a chance to think about what just happened. 

“What!?!”

One minute you thought you were going to kiss this hunk of a merman and now he’s wanting to go ice skating, and you don’t even know how to ice skate! Then you realized, he was trying to play hard to get. He flirts and tries to kiss you and then he doesn’t! “Well, two can play it that game!” You thought in your head. 

“Okay I should of told you this but Arthur...I can’t skate!” Your holding onto Arthur for dear life as you stand on the ice with the skates on.

“Well lets just practice a little, I’m gonna let go-

“No Arthur don’t you let go I swear if you let go I’m gonna punch you in the balls so hard that you’re gonna wish you were a woman, don’t you let go!”

“And when I let go y/n, lets see if you can skate on your own. Okay 1, 2, 3.” Arthur lets you go and pushes you forward to bring speed to you. You slide forward with a shriek as you can’t stop. As you’re about to fall to your death Arthur comes to the rescue and picks you up with ease. “Man, sweetheart I’ve already saved your life twice. I should get a reward.”

Arthur holds your hand as he practically guides you through on the ice. “Yeah you want to see your reward?” You smack his torso and shoulders but unfortunately with your size compared to his you didn’t really do much damage.

“Ouch what was that for?”

“What was that for? Arthur I nearly almost died...again! You pushed me you hot, idiot, jerk, stupid, guy!” You look straight up into his eyes with an angry face. 

“So you think I’m hot?” Arthur comes closer to you. 

You try to slide back but you trip and that makes Arthur strong hands go to your back, near your butt and bring you closer to his body. “I never said a thing like that.”

Arthur’s handsome face gets closer with yours and his body is touching your body, tightly pressed together. “I think you did, I know you did.”

You look away as you put your hands up. His lips go to your ear, “don’t worry y/n, I think I’m hot as well.”

Your face becomes annoyed as you shove his face away from you and roll your eyes. “Haha, good one.” You say sarcastically as his laughter booms loudly. He laughed so hard he had to wipe a tear. “Was it really that funny Arthur?”

Arthur nods, “oh yeah definitely. You should of seen your face!”

“HAHAHAHAHA WELL YOU SHOULD OF FELT YOUR JUNK, CUZ IT WAS GIVING A STANDING OVATION!” You then laugh really hard at your joke and pretend to wipe a tear. You see Arthur’s face as he gives you a death glare. You chuckle some more as he skates towards you. He wraps his hand in yours and you two skate like normal people do, or how the lovebirds do. 

It was actually really romantic. 

“There you go sweetheart, just like that.” You actually were skating correctly, of course holding for dear life onto Arthur, but still you did it. You were skating smoothly, almost perfectly. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing it!” You smiled up at Arthur, your smile beaming. This made Arthur happy and his heart pound. He couldn’t focus on anything except you, the way you looked up at him. You looked like a goddess, like his whole life revolved around you. Like you were meant to be his, and he was meant to be yours. 

“Arthur, Arthur, Arthur! We’re gonna crash!”

As soon as you said that you and him crashed into the wall. Before your body could hit the cold, harsh ice, Arthur fell on his back but caught you just in time. 

“Oh my! Arthur are you okay?” You felt yourself being carried and laid, on your stomach, on his chest. His eyes were shut, so you shook him and tried to get him to wake up. “Arthur please wake up! Are you okay?”

You were starting to get worried that he hurt himself badly until he woke up. “Did I scare you?”

You smacked his face a couple of times, “Are you serious? Yes you scared me Arthur! I thought you were hurt. C’mon lets go somewhere to eat because I am starving.”

Arthur got up with your help and placed his hand on your hip as you two walked to the car. “Hey, thanks for worrying about me.” Arthur bent down and kissed your cheek, then he walked to his car leaving you all bashful. 

“I swear this boy,” you muttered.

You two ended up deciding to go to a pizza restaurant. (if u dont like pizza then u r cursed and have sinned because pizza is a gift from god) 

As you walked in the smell was good! It smelled delicious! Your stomach growled at the thought of fresh, hot pizza. 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting. We could of gotten food sooner.” Arthur looked at the menu by the cashier. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder. If no one knew it, it looked as if you two were a couple.

Suddenly Arthur stomach growls. “Well if you were hungry Arthur, we could of gotten some food.”

Arthur puts his hair in a man bun with his light pink scrunchie, you could tell he was embarrassed. “I didn’t want to interrupt you having fun on the ice.”

You stood on your tippy toes and kissed Arthur’s cheek, “thank you, that was really sweet of you.”

After you two bought the pizza, you guys sat at the booth by the window. 

“This looks so good! I’m starving!”

“Well y/n, bon appetit!”

You ate like you haven’t eaten in years, the pizza was so perfect and so delicious in your mouth. The atmosphere was perfect. Jazz music was playing in the background, there were not too many people there but enough to hear talking. It was gloomy looking outside since it was so cold. You took your coat off and placed it next to you. 

“So I saw your sketchbook, what do you draw?” Arthur asked, taking a gigantic bite out of his Hawaiian pizza. 

“Oh pretty much everything. Yeah, I like to draw animals, settings, but mostly people. I mean I love art but sketching and drawing is my passion, it lets me vent as much as possible. I just think about life when I draw. Think about how I want to better my life, how to better me.” You find yourself getting off the discussion. “Sorry, I’m talking too much aren’t I?”

Arthur placed his hand on yours and smiled, “not at all. Please continue.”

“I wanted to get away from my day to day life. Sometimes doing the same thing over and over, day by day can be such a bore and honestly tiresome. That’s why I needed to come here. I wanted to experience a place like never before, and also encourage myself to draw more.”

“Well I’m glad you made that decision to come here, if you hand’t then I would not have met you.”

“Thank you Arthur.”

“Can I see your drawings?”

You started choking on your piece of pizza, “what? You mean like mine, my drawing as in my own, like mine?”

“I’m pretty sure mine means that.”

You chuckled and scratched the back of your head, “I don’t know Arthur, they’re not that good.”

Arthur gave you a wink, “c’mon y/n, I know they’ll look amazing.”

You pull out your sketchbook from your bag and hand it to him. 

“Wow y/n,” was all he said as he was mesmerized, captivated by your art. “You are incredible y/n, just incredible! I’m speechless with how you draw.”

“Thanks, it feels good to have someone important say such great things about them.”

Arthur almost turns to the page you don’t want him to see. “Um don’t see that drawing.”

Arthur raises his brow, “why not?”

“Because it has something personal on there.” You try to grab it but Arthur is too quick and moves it away from you. “Give it back Arthur!”

“Wait! I want to see what it is.” As he says this he turns the page to show a drawing of him. 

You feel hot and so embarrassed. Your hands become so sweaty and your heart pounds. Will he think your drawing is weird or stupid? 

“Y/n, this is so beautiful. I can’t believe you drew me.” Arthur was baffled at your gift. Just from seeing him in a short time you sketched him out like you knew him for many years. You got each curve and each detail of his face and body. 

“I studied your face long and hard when you picked me up. I had to draw out my hero.” 

Arthur’s smile made you fall more in love with him. “I’m sorry if me drawing you was weird. I can just get rid of it when I go back to my cabin.”

“No! Please y/n, don’t. Please don’t get rid of this amazing drawing. Hel* I wish I could draw you, but not even a dam* drawing would show and describe how beautiful you are, not words not art, nothing. You are so frickin gorgeous and sweet y/n, you really are.” Next thing you knew Arthur got up and sat next to you in the booth. Feeling shy you backed away in the booth but this just made Arthur get extremely closer to you. His wild blue eyes were half lidded as he was overpowered with love and lust for you, and to be honest so were you. Arthur came closer and closer to you until his huge body trapped your tiny, fragile one against the wall. “I so wanna kiss you right now,” breathed out Arthur, rubbing delicately your cheek. 

“I wanna kiss you so bad too,” you said in a whisper, looking directly at Arthur’s plump lips. Without no hesitation Arthur’s lips crashed on yours. You two didn’t care who was watching or who was there. This kiss was needed. Arthur’s tongue slipped in your mouth in one swift movement, but just as quick as it went in it went out. He was teasing you! He was showing you what was to come if you two spent the night in a sexual escapade. You two made out a few more seconds until you and him separated to catch your breaths. He leaned his forehead against yours, “boy am I glad you decided to come here for your vacation.”

You chuckled and touched Arthur’s facial hair, “me too Arthur. Me too.”

Tag List: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @dreamsofwhiteandblack, @hyehoney, @wtfisalltherandoms, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag) , @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @polyglot-t, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @collectiveyou, @divaanya

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[pooklet]

unaesthetic asks (anon edition)

i usually use a psd for asks to make them look nice and transparent and number them but tbh it’s just keeping me from answering asks quickly, having to shift layers around and stuff. so this is me literally cutting and pasting the text of some asks into a text post instead, sry.

if i did not answer yr thing here i lost/never got the ask, need a separate post to answer it (community lot anon), or worked myself into an anxious lather when i did not have an immediate response at the ready and fled into the woods to hide inside an old damp log and mutate slowly into a creature composed entirely of moss.

1) hey friend i think i can actually help with this one! slig did my poor lover for momma lisa, and has a few of my other skins linked to different body meshes in this tag here. @asimplevampire​ also did rehash for androgyny. those are the two i know off the top of my head but if anyone else knows any others pls reply to this post!

i don’t personally make showerproof skintones for body meshes because i a) am lazy and b) don’t usually take pics of my sims in the shower or naked in general so the occasional floating head just gives me a lil chortle when it does happen.

2) yis, it is the second to last one in this post by @magpieplayssims​ with a bunch of face masks piled on.

3) i use a personal edit of gunmod’s 3.1 A camera which alters the, like, central pivot axis so i can swing the camera underground into any basements i might be using. as a result, whenever i load the lot, it starts me off zoomed inside the floor, you just gotta zoom out with the scroll wheel to get above ground and it works normally from there. i haven’t figured out how to mitigate this while still being able to access underground rooms. which is why my edit never got its own post, but i did share it here.

4) nah, not really. i mean i have an outdated one at the back of my catalogue but my face is boring to me cuz i see it every day n stuff & i’m less and less interested in making human features now that custom sliders have let me go absolutely mad with power.

5) ye sorry i put that on my to-do list and promptly forgot about it cuz my brain seems to think that putting something on a list means it’s done forever now!!!! but now it’s actually done and i’m fixing the other links too.

6) yr phone is a craven liar and i will not stand for this libel. earlier today i was genuinely bewildered by a discussion about channing tatum cuz i thought his name was tatum channing. i sat there for minutes, convinced that there were two guys in hollywood one named channing tatum and the other named tatum channing and wondering if that ever got confusing for them.

7) u would be surprised, friend! my memory is a lawless wasteland but i do not end up chatting back and forth w/ many ppl b/c i am a seething pit of social anxiety. if we talked, like, more than twice, i probs remember u!

8) omg i was about to be like “nah i never made nosemasks for those” but that is a fucking lie of the highest caliber, i totally did make one (1) set and then forgot entirely about it. i will post them with the next batch of bodyshop content which should be Shortly (and if i don’t just yell @ me and i’ll just lazily put them on sfs and link them in a reply).

also thank u anon i am glad u like my content! :D

9) omg thank u so much anon that is so sweet of u to say!! truly i don’t feel like i have accomplished a whole lot beyond managing to snag @resurrection-failed​ but that is definitely the Best thing i could accomplish so i am 100% fine w/ that

10) oh ts4. i want to play it real bad but i have discovered that playing games that are still being updated and could break at any moment due to a new patch or ep gives me hives. esp when it’s sims games b/c those are held together exclusively w/ wishes and prayers as it is. they’re like the bottom panel of an expanding brain meme on spaghetti coding. at least when the game is Done there nothing else for EA to break (... right?). plus i only have base+pets and no money to throw at the other expansions so i could maybe download 1/10th of the cc available out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but i am excited to be late af to the party. lemme tell u. thank u for saying such nice things, anon!! i hope u have a good day also. like, lots of ‘em.

11) hey anon! it’s built into tumblr’s text editor. u type the text first, highlight it, and click on the fourth button that looks like a slouchy figure 8 to insert yr link. i’m not sure if it’s the same on mobile, tho, cuz the tumblr mobile app is self-elected torture.

12) i do not right now but i can make one. idk if it would interest you but i am also doing a big ol’ blend of the hq eyes and wifezaya’s favorite ephemera mist eyes and will make a default version of those too when they are done.

13) nah i am still using my v3 texture for straight hairs and for waves or natural hair i just use nouk’s originals. i’m old-fashioned and boring. if u need help w/ making yr own, tho, i would suggest checking out @furbyq​’s tutorial here!

14) hey friend! i did have plans to do that, in that vague way where i have plans to do many things but most of the time end up taking a five-hour nap under a cat instead or watchin game grumps. luckily, @digitalangels​ is a doll and did it for me so consider this my official endorsement. i am pooklet and i approve this action.

15) hey anon. when did i call it that?? i think usually i just call it marriage or equal marriage if i need to specify (or gay marriage if i’m feelin Spicy cuz nonbinary-for-nonbinary is pretty gay). if i did say same-sex it was probs w/ implied air-quotes since that was the term du jour when we got married, which was 3+ years before the supreme court mandate, when it was only legal in some places and everyone was still ‘‘‘‘debating’’’’ the ‘‘‘‘issue’’’’ of queers gettin all married.

16) i been gatherin’ links for u anon but lemme look around a lil more. i will either give this its own post or add it as its own section in the resource post that is like .... five years overdue. meanwhile if anyone reading this has anything they either know is made for dark skin or works well universally or knows of a list like this that already exists, i would appreciate links!

17) I KNOW THAT’S YOU, AZAYA

[ua-monoma]

[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like 

 1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever 

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me 

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

H

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg 

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly 

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his  sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD????  WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed

[hyunnows]

To the anon who was venting to me, I misclicked and accidentally deleted your ask but I read the whole thing first. I'm so sorry that you were rejected by those companies because I'm sure you're very talented <3 even though the kpop industry has been allowing more mixed race and trainees/stars in the spotlight, it is still considerably racist and colorist so I'm so sorry that's why they probably rejected your audition.

i copy and pasted the ask before accidentally deleting it so here were the contents: "Tee i just need someone to talk too u can ignore this if u want to cuz its a damn boring mssg about my life but i just need to let it out so pls forgive me :( I rlly love music everything about it and i like wanna make that my career! so i auditioned a lot! every audition i did made me feel more insecure i always got rejected so i thought it was cuz of my looks i am dark skinned and ugly were the only things that came to my mind but i kept trying btw their kpop companies so i, idk what to do 😭"

As someone who also has dark brown skin, I've thought about auditioning for things as well, but since I don't commonly see people who look like me succeeding in those departments, I get really discouraged too. Especially when other auditionees are lighter, or even when they fit a criteria more because they're a single race while I'm mixed. It's even worse to see them pick others over you because of that racist bias.

I really hope you keep pursuing music and keep auditioning because someone is going to see the talent that exudes from your being. Someone will see the unique, unfiltered, and utterly gorgeous visual you bring to the table. Someone is going to notice how you've poured your heart into your passion. Don't give up because I know there's a spot for you in the music industry, whether it's kpop or not, I believe in you <3

But I will say, just because your skin is dark, that doesn't make you ugly. You are beautiful, georgeous even, and I hope that the rest of the world will get to see that someday.

Please feel free to send me another ask and vent in my inbox or even my dms because they are always open! I really hope you see this and I'm so sorry about deleting your ask.

I link this usually on my works but I want anyone feeling down to check it out. It's just a small post with a few positive affirmations and quotes. I hope it helps.

With much love, tee <3