#if you can write two people so intimate trusting and devoted to each other i dont even need to see the intimacy

[like-sands-of-time]

Absolute biggest frustration with House md is how clear it feels the writers just gave up/got bored with houses sobriety journey and not only pulled him back two years in terms of progress, but also twisted his personality too. Like my whole frustration with season seven is literally the fact that nobody in the show focuses on his stress to addiction pipeline anymore. Cuddy sees him slip once at the thought of his girlfriend dying and she's like I should have known he'd never be there for me bitch I love you but that is not the conversation we should be having right now. Break up with him for any of a thousand valid reasons but this human being also needs help getting back on track not being pushed away by the person who just said she wouldn't push him away.

Wilson gets frustrated on his friends behalf, knows he's back on the drugs, and encourages him to seek help, but then just stops after it doesn't fit the plot of the episode anymore. Absolutely insane oversight from his two longest and closest friends but then neither of them seemed to understand the struggle he had at coming back to the hospital after rehab either.

It's like the writers were bored of him going to therapy and trying to find healthy habits and just decided to make him a psychopathic man-child and go "see? He was like this all along it was always gonna happen"

I'm not saying the show had to have an overwhelmingly happy ending, but they could have done his character and cuddy and Wilson at times so much more justice, seriously. It would have been so much more resonant to show this brilliant tortured man's long bumpy journey to mental health when he's surrounded by the very things that both stress and excite him

[kjmcotton]

Commitment issues | Bbh

Byun Baekhyun x fem!reader

Best friends to lovers!AU

Plot:after a stolen kiss from your friend Baekhyun you open your eyes,realising that maybe you need to leave your fears behind

Warnings:mentions of past trauma,cursing

This story is a request

Masterlist

Author’s notes:hello dear readers,I’m back with a new story. I’m sorry if I’m taking too long to write but I’m trying to be as much precise as I can in following your requests! Enjoy this new Baekhyun os!♡

Tumblr works with reposts:if you enjoyed my story please repost and leave a feedback! Help me growing!♡

“I was so scared you would’ve opened that door and left”

Baekhyun laid down on his bed,ruffling his hair. He couldn’t stop thinking about you and the kiss you two had exchanged a few days ago.

It had been almost an accident,you simply bumped into each other while baking a cake in the small kitchen of your apartment,but he had been so in love with you that he couldn’t avoid overthinking it.

And the same happened to you too.

You were sitting on the couch,with your cat,Minnie,on your legs. She was sleeping peacefully. How much you envied her,you thought;living the life of a cat was so easy:no drama,no love problems,just naps. You really wanted to close your eyes that night,you had ran out of sleep because of the thought of that kiss,but you couldn’t forget anything about it.

You couldn’t forget Baekhyun’s soft smile while kneading the dough with you,your hands stroking against each other,the delicate smell of his cologne mixing up with the one of cinnamon and pastry,and then…it happened. He wanted to put the mixture in the oven,which was on the right,next to you,while you wanted to take a mop,which was on the left, next to Baekhyun. You both turned around at the same time and decided to overtake the other by walking on the left. There it happened:your bodies collided. Some mixture fell on the ground,followed by the mop,and your lips got chained together.

You were surprised,same for Baekhyun,but he didn’t seemed bothered at all:in that moment you connected all the dots, and understood his feelings. It made you shiver,but not in pleasure.

Baekhyun had been your best friend since kindergarten:you had started playing together during breaks and since then he had never left your side.

He had seen the best part of you,but also the worst. He was there during your hard times;first when your dad abandoned your mum to get engaged with a younger woman;then when,in high school,you were bullied after a so called friend of yours told everybody that your dad had left to fuck with a twenty five year old woman. You had found yourself alone,surrounded with people laughing at you,but even then Baekhyun took care of you

He would walk you to school,sit with you during lunch,snap when any bully was around and he would even help you study during the days in which all you could do was crying.

On the other hand,you had always been there for him too. You comforted him when he needed it,you listened to him and never left him alone. There was a strong bond tying the two of you together, and you were scared that you could break it by hurting his feelings.

You loved him,indeed,and,after that random kiss,you were sure that love wasn’t the one you could feel towards a friend. It was so much more,it was the one you only see in movies. A deep love,made of devotion and both mental and physical attraction;however you weren’t ready for it. You wanted it,but you weren’t able to hold onto it. Too many fears popped in your heart at the thought of dating Baekhyun,because you knew you would’ve never been able to be intimate with him…or any other person,which was why you had been single your whole life. You were too scared to trust people in most cases,while in others,like it happened for Baekhyun,you were simply scared to not being able to carry on with a relationship and hurt your other half. It couldn’t happen,not with Byun Baekhyun. You would’ve never forgiven yourself for hurting the only person who had always been by your side.

You spent the night turning around in between your sheets:right side,left side,tummy,back…it seemed a loop that stopped only when you saw the dawn. It was the fourth night spent sleepless,you could feel your body missing all its energy,so you knew that a though day was ahead.

You took your car and drove to university:finance was the first class of the morning.

You sighed,sitting at the same spot as always, where Baekhyun found you.

“Good morning!” a beautiful smiled appeared on his pinky lips

“Good morning” you smiled back,but with less excitement than usual. Baekhyun immediately noticed and looked at you with concern

“Are you okay Y/n?” he asked,holding onto your wrist. Panicked,you shrugged his hand off

“I’m fine,just tired”

“Why? You didn’t sleep?”

“I didn’t” you said,standing up as soon as the professor stepped into the class.

Following that morning’s lessons was almost impossible to you:your head ached and keeping your eyes opened was a battle that made it impossibile for you to take notes.

Baekhyun obviously noticed,so he put an unusual effort into writing down every single word he could hear

“Y/n…” he called you with a whisper,touching your shoulder with the cap of the pen

“Mh…” you murmured,about to falling asleep

“Y/n!” he called you again. This time you startled and straightened your back

“What?” you asked,blinking fast

“Go home,I’ll take notes for the both of us” Baekhyun smiled.

You shook your head

“It’s okay,I’ll take mine. I had just a moment,thank you Baek” you said,unintentionally cold

Baekhyun’s sweet smile disappeared as he went back to writing.

At the end of the lessons you left the university. You were heading to the parking when Baekhyun reached you

“Are you sure you can drive? I can give you a lift”

“Don’t worry Baek,I can. See you tomorrow”

You hated yourself that day:you were awfully cold and distant,but,somehow,that was the only behaviour you could have towards the boy,it didn’t matter if you didn’t want it. It was something similar to a copying mechanism:you didn’t want him to be fooled or hurt so you would simply step away. There was nothing you could do to avoid it:your cold voice came out naturally,same with the need to avoid any kind of physical contact. You thought that in a few days things would get better,but it only worsened.

The more you tried to avoid Baekhyun,the more he looked for you.

You were hungry? He would share his snacks

You were thirsty? He would share his drinks

You were sleepy? He would offer you his shoulder as a pillow and would take notes for you.

One day it even happened:after a week of barely sleeping you couldn’t stand it and ended up falling asleep on his shoulder while revising for an exam.

You were sitting on a bench in the garden of the university as both you and Baekhyun were checking the notes taken during one the many classes. You were trying to stay focused on understanding what you were reading,but the more you tried the more your brain wanted to black out…until it actually happened. You yawned and randomly nodded at what Baekhyun was saying,without even understanding what he was talking about,then your lashes shut and your head became heavy,falling on your friend’s shoulder.

Baekhyun,whose heart skipped a beating for a second,didn’t dare to wake you up;otherwise he fixed your jacket,wrapped an arm around your body and went on revising on his own. Happy to have you so close.

When you woke up,embarrassed,you tried to apologies but Baekhyun said only one thing:

“They say that if we fall asleep on someone’s shoulder it’s because we trust them with our life. It’s nothing new,but I’m glad you trust me with yours” he smiled,and you couldn’t take it anymore.

Without saying a word you collected your things and ran away,holding back your tears:what the hell was going on? Why,all of a sudden,weren’t you able to control your emotions?! Why were you feeling so angry and overwhelmed? Why couldn’t Baekhyun stop it there?

You took your car and drove home,slamming the door as soon as you got inside your flat.

Minnie,who was peacefully sleeping,stood up and ran to hide in a corner as soon as she heard the loud noise. You looked at her and pat her head

“I’m sorry baby,I’m not mad at you” you sighed

The little cat waved her tail and licked your hand,watching while you went to your room.

You threw your bag at the end of the bed,took off your jacket and let your body fall on the sheets. How much you wanted to disappear and forget that crappy situation with Baekhyun. You grabbed your pillow and put it under your head,closing your eyes. At the beginning your mind would jump from a thought to another,browsing your imaginary book of memories. Baekhyun was everywhere,which made you tear up,but you were so tired,and the bed was so comfortable,that you had no time to breakdown as you finally fell asleep.

You woke up at 9pm,it was already dark outside and Minnie was hungry. You rubbed your eyes,bringing into clear the imagine of your cat wagging her tail on your bed.

“I’m coming…I’ll cook you dinner” you mumbled. Said so,the animal jumped down from your bed and ran to the kitchen.

You followed her,yawning,while checking the phone:it was pretty late and you had missed four calls from your best friend.

You sighed,deciding to not call back,and filled Minnie’s plat with her favourite dry food.

Then,suddenly,your phone rang. You could imagine who was calling you…and you were right.

“What’s up?” you said

“What’s up?! Really Y/n? I’ve been calling you all evening! Why didn’t you call me back?”

“I was sleeping”

“I should’ve imagined…”

“Yeah,you should have. Give it a break Baekhyun,you’re not my boyfriend,there’s no need to be so mad at me for not answering to your damn calls”

“Why are you so rude now?”

“Because you’re too clingy,I feel like suffocating! Get off of me!” you yelled,hanging up.

It took you a few seconds before realising what you had done.

“Fuck!” you exclaimed,calling your friend a few times. He didn’t answer,instead he rejected all your calls. While trying to not fuck everything up you actually did.

The next day,at university,you looked for Baekhyun, but he kept avoiding you. First,he sat next to Chanyeol in class,then he had lunch with his friends without inviting you and,least but not last,he ignored you when you tried to talk to him in the parking. You wanted to cry,but you knew you had no time;so,that evening,you decided to visit him at home and have a talk.

You took a deep breath and rang his bell:

“What’s up?” his voice was calm and warm as usual

“It’s Y/n…can we talk?”

As soon as you pronounced those words his tone changed,becoming cold and angry

“No,leave”

“Please…”

He didn’t answer. You rang again,but nothing.

“Baekhyun,please it’s important!”

Still nothing. You started knocking at his door.

“I said it’s important!” you exclaimed,louder. The door finally opened,revealing the boy’s disappointed face

“Stop being this loud and get in for fuck sake” he mumbled as you stepped in the house.

“What is it?” Baekhyun asked,pouring himself some orange juice

“I’ve made a mistake:I should’ve never talked to you like that at the phone. I’m sorry” you were about to hold his hand,but the usual feeling of uneasiness rose from the depths of your heart,holding you back.

The boy noticed and shook his head with delusion. You clenched your jaw.

“That’s it?” he asked,giving you his back

“Yeah…” you murmured. No,that wasn’t it,you wanted to say many more things but you had no courage to do so

“Really?” he turned around,crossing his arms while resting against the kitchen counter

“Yeah…” you repeated

“Liar” he spat out. Those words hit you in the stomach,like a fist

“I’m sorry I gotta go…” you said,running towards the door,but Baekhyun held your hand and dragged you back in the kitchen

“You don’t give a shit about my feelings,do you?!” he scoffed. His face was serious,fire was burning in his eyes

“That’s not true!” you bit back

“Then why you keep playing this shitty come and go game? That’s how you repay me for being by your side since we were kids?!” Baekhyun was yelling

“Don’t talk like you don’t know that you’re the most important person in my life!” you yelled back,pushing him

“Then why are you treating me like this? Is it because we kissed? It is,isn’t it? If you have something to tell me about that,just do it! Coward!”

“I said that there’s nothing I have to tell you. I came just to apologise for that phone call”

“Oh,you are? So you’re not apologising for how you treated me in the past days?”

“Baekhyun…” you didn’t know what to say. You were screwing everything more and more up at any spoken word

“Nevermind. Go. Go and never come back”

At those words your heart shattered. You opened your mouth,as if you wanted to tell him the truth,but words wouldn’t come out. With your head down,defeated,you walked out from the kitchen,through the living room,until you reached the entrance. You grabbed the door handle,ready to leave,while Baekhyun was staring at you from far away,with teary eyes…then something inside you clicked.

You were about to lose him:you were about lose Byun Baekhyun,the only person that was irreplaceable for you…and why? Just because you couldn’t find the strength to do something you had been doing your whole life in his presence:open up. That was crazy. You couldn’t end your friendship like that.

You took a deep breath,leaving the door handle to walk towards the boy

“No Baek,I do apologies for how I’ve treated you in the past days. I’m sorry,I’m really sorry-you ran to him and wrapped your arms around his waist-Don’t be mad at me,I didn’t do it on purpose” you murmured,with your face buried in his grey hoodie.

The boy rested his chin on top of your head,a tear rolling down his cheek while he hugged you tightly

“I was so scared you would’ve opened that door and left” his voice was broken

“I would’ve never. I love you so much that I can’t leave you like that. It’s just that…-you looked at him-I don’t even know how to tell you”

“I’ll take anything,what is it?” he demanded. His hand rested on your cheek as his thumb stroked your skin,wiping a tear of yours away

“I love you as much as you love me,but I’m scared to hurt you” you confessed,burying your face in his chest. Your fingers held onto his hoodie while your body was shaking.

Baekhyun shook his head,caressing your back

“Why would you hurt me,Y/n?” he asked,sweetly

“Because…I don’t think I’m able to carry on a relationship. There’s been too much going on in my life”

“And you think that scares me?”

“What?” you asked,confused

“Y/n-Baekhyun smiled-I’ve see everything,there’s nothing I don’t know about you. I’ve carefully chosen who I want to spend this part of my life with…and that’s you. I love you for what you are,with your qualities and flaws. Besides that,the people in a relationship are two,not one:you’ll carry on what you can,I’ll do the rest”

“Baek…” you didn’t know how to answer. No one had ever told you anything so beautiful

“But if you don’t feel like dating someone it’s okay,I’ll wait for you. I’ve been waiting all these years,I can wait a little more”

You shook your head

“I don’t want you to wait anymore” you whispered,kissing the boy.

One of Baekhyun’s hand moved to the back of your head while,with the other,he brought you closer. You lost your balance for a second,holding onto the kitchen counter Baekhyun was laying against. He smiled in the kiss as he supported you with his body

“Be careful,you’re always so clumsy” he laughed. You blushed:what a beautiful vision,you couldn’t believe that the prettiest and kindest boy in the world was all yours.

Without thinking twice,you hugged him again,resting your head on his chest

“I’ll do my best to treat you right” you said

“And I’ll do my best to make your fears disappear” Baekhyun replied,kissing the top of your head.

[tommybaholland]

jjk as types of love

i can’t find it but there’s a post circulating around with a link to a uquiz that tells you what type of love you are but anyway, this is inspired by the terms for love as used by the ancient greeks. it’s a bit different (but also not...?) from what i normally write, a bit of a mix between fluff and character analyses. if you have any prompt lists you think would make a good writing piece, feel free to send it my way! enjoy :)

❥ eros (passionate love); this type of love embodies lust and pleasure and therefore, it’s likely that your relationship started out as pure physical attraction. you were drawn by each other’s beauty, a feature in their appearance that really stood out to you. you develop your relationship rather quickly, admittedly having kissed on the very first date and advancing from there. despite the pace of your relationship, they have no ill intentions and would never hurt you. they are completely devoted to you if you’ll have them. they love attention from you and don’t care one bit if anyone says they’re whipped: itadori, inumaki, todo

❥ philia (deep friendship); whether platonic or romantic, this type of love depicts a bond between two people connected by their souls, or rather, soulmates. your relationship is intimate and authentic as it began from the fundamentals of development back to when you were simply classmates up until you were best friends and then lovers. they want what’s best for you, even if that means disagreeing with you from time to time. they are the most reliable and will never let you down but that does not mean that they are without flaws. they need you for reassurance when their past hardships can cloud their view on the future. probably not the most affectionate but love you to pieces: megumi, choso, maki, junpei

❥ ludus (playful love); this love emphasizes flirtation and infatuation which creates the perfect context for what they intend to be casual. they were most likely the ones to initiate any sort of contact or show liking towards you as they’re the type to go after what they want. whether you resist them at first or not, you end up in a passionate entanglement that may not be publicly known. after a certain period of time, they find themselves wanting to cease their promiscuous ways as their love for you has become deeper than they originally expected. however, they will never get enough of your kisses and physical touch: toji, gojo

❥ agápe (love for everyone); this type of love is not specifically related to romance but rather a universal love for all. they have a lot of empathy inside of them which makes them very altruistic and selfless people. they have certain morals when it comes to jujutsu and their power, trying to find ways to either save everyone or let them pass on peacefully. these qualities that they have are present in your relationship as they would do anything to protect and care for you, making it their number one priority. they may not always know what to do but they try their best to help when you need it: itadori, yuta

❥ pragma (longstanding love); this love has long-term intentions with commitment and understanding included. they are the most likely to want to settle down and/or start a family with you. they’re a tough nut to crack when it comes to trust so once you’ve got that, you’ve basically won them over. they’ve had very little or none at all who are close to them so they need someone who they can depend on. on the contrary, they’re very successful and talented making them sought after by others. however, you are their one and only to whom they would give the world: yuta, noritoshi, geto, nanami

❥ philautia (love of the self); a pretty self-explanatory type of love revolves around reinforcing self-esteem or can result in the early stages of narcissism. realistically, they take very good care of themselves and let that show whenever they can, whether that be verbally or flaunting actions. they know they don’t need someone to complete them but they’re human too and experience attraction to others. they treat you as they would treat themselves, with love and respect. they are your number one hype person and project some of their self-love onto you: nobara, gojo, todo

just in time for jjk night! what shall we write next??

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[windblooms]

liyue boys – how they kiss their s/o

liyue boys × gender-neutral!reader; 1.4k words. sfw headcanons of how baizhu, childe, chongyun, xiao, xingqiu, and zhongli kiss their s/o. 

- ̗̀ baizhu  ̖́-

while baizhu’s reputation as the swindler from bubu pharmacy precedes him, even in normal day-to-day matters, he makes an effort to convey his sincerity to you when the moment is opportune.  typically, this is at the conclusion of the day, when the pharmacy takes its time to rest and the buzz of the moon overtakes liyue.

his touch on your wrist is loose, as if he intends to just feel your presence instead of seize it, to observe but not meddle; just as he does with changsheng, he finds great comfort in keeping you tethered to him through this contact.  

when baizhu romances you, it’s in the privacy of your office, or the stocking room – anywhere besides the service area, so you’re the only one who witnesses his dropped mask. 

his lips glide to your temple, serpentine and brisk, peppering short kisses down to your jaw.  his ministrations are rather sensual for a man so weak in composition, especially considering that he’s rather ruthless with his business dealings and doesn’t even spare a fraction of a discount for the desperate – but this gentler display is nonetheless welcome.

“and how can i help you tonight?  no, this isn’t bartering.  i mean this genuinely, for the one who can tolerate my short-comings as forgivingly as you do.  a new box of qingxin arrived this afternoon, and perhaps you’d like a look at it . . . ”

- ̗̀ childe / tartaglia  ̖́-

childe is excellent at the chase, and each time, his catch is you.  perhaps it’s his constant need for stimulus (he’s never been one for idleness) and the subsequent calling in his blood for a thrill.  his penchant for battle has made him flexible to most tricky scenarios, and thus he’s adept to what makes things tick – 

– including people.  and, of course, you. 

his greetings are customarily followed by doting kisses.  they’re gentle on your skin, like the drifting of snowflakes from the sky, yet there’s a bite to them as well, as if he’s nipping at you even without his teeth.  they’re innocently teasing at best, but at worst, grabbing all of your senses with their bold allure. 

“haha, got your attention now, have i?  no need to make that face!  ah, i promise.  be a bit more patient for me, and i’ll give you what you want.”

he prefers to give the kisses that he knows will consume you whole, cushion you in warmth like beach sand in the summer, but just as swiftly drag you undertow – namely, at the corners of your mouth, the height of your cheekbones, the pulses on your neck, and the rise of your collarbones. 

whether he leaves you with flushed cheeks and a stuttering voice, or absolutely breathless, you stir him all the same.

- ̗̀ chongyun  ̖́-

he’s a very straightforward individual, naively so sometimes – inherently wholesome, and that translates over to his relationship with you.  admittedly, he doesn’t display bold affections towards you all that much because he’s, well, shy.  he’d never thought of romantics before he became involved with you, and even then, all he’s heard about couples and love birds are from xingqiu – not the most trustworthy source.

“ah – i do not . . . i don’t have the words to describe . . . i apologize, but i really don’t know how to explain this light feeling in my chest.  but you seem to be happy!  and that’s really what matters to me.”

chongyun pecks you gently, as if he’s dealing with the finest of jade fragments.  very innocently, as well: just as a bird finds satisfaction in a well-kept nest, so does the young exorcist in the pleased reactions he draws from you.  

the two of you have yet to share a kiss on the lips.  and, honestly, it isn’t something characteristic of chongyun to want to engage with.  he has an ample reserve of boyish youth in him, and even at the thought of partaking in such an intimate act (xingqiu teases him to no end for this, but nonetheless chongyun’s perspective is understood) makes him red in the face. 

instead, he settles for your fingers, the back of your hand, and your cheeks.  light in sentiment, like the mild ice-cream he indulges in.

- ̗̀ xiao  ̖́-

if you’re fire, then xiao is afraid that he’s the water that will extinguish your light.  he’s harmed so many others, even when he never intended to, and doesn’t even want to think about you ending up the same way.  so he abstains, for the longest time, until you reassure him that he’s okay, that he’s suffered enough, and that he needs to live, too. 

xiao kisses you like both of you will break.  his lips barely even touch you, as if his presence is only part of your imagination, a fleeting zephyr in the liyue evening; he even hesitates to use his hands at first because only archons know how he’s razed the land with them.  they hover over your hips, and in moments of indulgence, he imagines how it would feel to hold you, unchained from his past.

“you make it easier for me to tolerate the days.  don’t look so concerned – there’s no need for you to worry about me.  you’re the one in the more precarious situation.  but i guess that’s one more thing that’s admirable about you . . . too trusting for your own good.”

in his mind, he cradles your hands, so much softer than his own, with no reason to raise a weapon.  he wishes to keep you that way, safeguarded from the cruelness of the world, and his lips cherish your knuckles, the backs of your hands, and all the way to your wrists.

- ̗̀ xingqiu  ̖́-

“what a thrilling smile on your face!  definitely one for the books.  yes – i’ve decided that you’ll be the inspiration for this next scene i write.  ah, actually, i need to outline it first . . . you won’t mind, right?  perfect, this is just the circumstance i’ve been looking for.”

like fresh flowers in a spring meadow, he’s as exuberant as he is vibrant with life.  he’ll come to you in the mornings, bid you a good day and plant a light peck on the corner of your mouth, delighted at the sight of you.  or, just when he’s stopping by your place, he’ll also make sure to commemorate your meeting with another smooch.  

xingqiu is, admittedly, easy to please when in a relationship, merely because he’s with who he wants the most: you, and his writing, all that he needs.  while he may joke about intertwining you into his writing, he truly does intend to cherish you. 

he enjoys toying with the sleeves of your top when he’s near, just because he can.  bonus points if you let him tug you along, and he’ll even make a show out of giving a playful kiss on the tip of your nose.  they make you feel all fluttery in your stomach, because it’s only something that he would even think about doing – keeping you light on your toes, just like his flexible poise.

- ̗̀ zhongli  ̖́-

his affections are just as proper as his composure.  zhongli’s actions are soft, reverent, and appreciative of your presence.  never once do you doubt his devotion to you when his hand grazes your arm, a finger catching around your wrist, or when he steadies you with his palm on your shoulder.  it might be subconscious on his behalf, but his gentle measures soothe you immensely.

unsurprisingly, his kisses are chaste, with only fondness and warmth behind them.  he adores you like the sun does an open field, bracing your body to his with the slightest of suggestions from his hands on your waist.  zhongli is exceedingly pleased when you reciprocate his physicality, especially when you wrap your arms around his neck in return – the gleam in his eyes betray just as much.

his lips find themselves tenderly on your own, and your forehead and cheeks.  when in more intimate environments, namely either of your rooms, he’ll worship the pulse on your neck, however not in an erotic fashion.  he only ventures there to treasure the flow of life in your body, to revere the rhythm of you.

“times have come and gone.  consider me obstinate in my beliefs, but the one of the things that have remained apparent to me over millennia are contracts.  contracts of business, of relationships, of morals – everything.  promises, if you prefer to call them.  so i promise you this: there is not a day that will go by when i will not devote myself to you, wholly, and completely.”

[amysteriousmessenger]

Rfa comforting MC who thinks that she's useless, replaceable, boring, and feels so lonely

I’m going to add Saeran and V to this because this request really spoke to me and they would Definitely have something to say about it, I’ve been there too, anon. I guarantee that neither myself nor the RFA think you’re useless or replaceable or boring! I hope I did okay! 

Yoosung Kim with an insecure Reader Headcanons 

Yoosung knows what it’s like to feel lonely, and to feel like everyone just overlooks him. He knows how much it hurts and he just cannot stand the idea of you feeling like that. He also knows all too well what it’s like to feel powerless as the youngest member of the RFA.

He’d send write you little notes in your lunchbox saying how much he loves you, or would try to draw your face in ketchup on his omurice: even though it looks terrible, he put a lot of love into it.

He’s like a little puppy, the second he notices that you’re feeling sad he’s going to come bounding over to cheer you up, whether that’s doing something you like or asking if you want to join in on a LOLOL guild expedition.

He gets easily flustered trying to convey what he wants to tell you, but everything he does comes from the heart and the fact it aches over you feeling the same way he did during his darkest times before he met you.

He specifically wants you to know that you’re not replaceable, there’s only one of you and that means you’re extra special to him.

Zen/Hyun Ryu with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Firstly, Zen absolutely worships the ground that you walk on. He never knew that someone so beautiful and perfect and understanding could just stumble into his life, which is why his heart aches so much at hearing you’re feeling so many negative things.

For a moment, Zen would worry that he had caused this with his own narcissism. He’d worry that his need to big himself up out of anxiety would have caused you to push yourself down in comparison. Which is so, so untrue. He realises that it must be... difficult for you to hear him constantly talk about wonderful and handsome he is when you’re feeling so low about yourself. He wouldn’t necessarily stop because he can’t, but he’d try to be more considerate of your feelings.

Zen would go all out to make you feel special, he’d buy you flowers, tell you how gorgeous you are and how undeserving he is of you. Zen will let you know that no one makes him feel the way that you do, ‘in more ways that one’ he’ll add in a husky whisper before flashing a cheeky smirk.

He can’t always help that you feel lonely without him when he has rehearsals, so he’d try to make the time you have together feel even more special. Whilst he wants your undivided attention and gaze, he knows it’s not healthy for you and will encourage you to reach out to friends and Jaehee specifically when you’re feeling lonely. 

When he’s at work, he can’t usually answer his phone but he’ll always answer if you’re upset or worked up and need to talk to him about it. You’re his angel and he’s not going to let you cry without being there to soothe you.

He’d also make sure you know that regardless of how pretty you think his co-stars or backing dancers are, they don’t hold a candle to how beautiful he thinks you are.

Jaehee Kang with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Jaehee knows all too well what it’s like to feel lonely, replaceable and dull. She’s treated like a tool by Jumin, both in and out of hours since he acts like her work schedule is 24/7. She feels boring regardless, and feels like her only interests are coffee and Zen’s musicals. So, she doesn’t understand how someone as wonderful, creative, and interesting as you could possibly think of yourself as boring!

Jaehee would assure you that you’re anything but boring, and would do so by listing everything she can think of that she finds unique, special or interesting about you.

If anything she’s the one that feels replaceable because of how she’s treated at work and how bland she feels overall, she knows how cold that feels inside, so she would never let you feel the same way and wants you to know that.

She also would insist on you hearing her out when she says that you’re not useless, you’re extremely competent to balance everything that you need to during the day and that she admires you for being able to do that with a smile on your face.

It turns into a little bit of a comfort cuddle and cry on the sofa because you both understand how the other one feels and don’t want to see your partner hurting in such a way.

Jumin Han with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Jumin isn’t particularly good when it comes to comforting someone, especially since he’d never really received any sort of intimate comfort before meeting you. He’d go down what he sees as the best route, which is slightly analytical and factual than you probably wanted your reassurance to be.

He assures you that you’re not useless or boring, as no one with such qualities would ever have been able to catch his attention in the way that you did, let alone catch his heart with it.

He’d feel particularly unhappy with you viewing yourself as replaceable because you certainly are not replaceable to him. You opened up his eyes and heart to so much of the world he didn’t understand or felt closed off to. His father views partners as replaceable, Jumin most definitely does not as he will not have you thinking such a thing for even a moment with him.

He does feel apologetic that he works such long hours, and would try to make some re-adjustments to his schedule (much to Jaehee’s grief) to allow the two of you to spend more time together. If you’re up for it, he would also take you away on weekend vacations to be able to relax and enjoy one another’s company without stress.

Saeyoung Choi with an insecure Reader Headcanons

Seven absolutely does not understand how you could feel that way about yourself. You’re such a wonderful person to him, you cracked through his cold shell and loved him for him, even when he tried to push you away. He feels like the useless one, you could never be so.

He just wants to pull you close, cover every part of your body in a kiss and tell you how loved you are. Seven is absolutely someone that believes he can simply squeeze the sadness out of other people, and will attempt to do that with you whilst blowing raspberries into your shoulder. Don’t trust him, if you’re still sad after you’ve been squeezed, he will move on to tickling.

If you feel boring in comparison to seven’s eccentricity, he’ll assure you that you have to be weird to have been able to put up with him for this long, and weird is never boring! He thinks you’re so interesting and funny, he loves listening to your stories and about the things you like.

Once again, Seven understands loneliness. No one has seen him for who he truly is in a very long time, so he understands how isolating that can feel so he’d make a conscious effort to see you for who you are too. 

He’d try to finish his work quicker in future so that he can spend more time with you doing things that would make you happy, such as going on a date to the cinema or for a drive in one of his cars to a cliff where you can listen to music and stargaze on the hood of his car.

Saeran Choi with an insecure Reader Headcanons 

It would probably take Saeran a little while to figure out exactly what was wrong if you didn’t tell him. He’d understand that you were upset, and would try to distract and cheer you up but he’d struggle with specifics if you didn’t explain it to him. But god, it’s hurting him inside.

He had always been the useless one and so aggressively obsessed over it after having it be driven into him so many times that even hearing you refer to yourself as ‘useless’ is a little overwhelming for him and he has to have a time out to calm down.

You were the one who saved him from such a dark place and assured him that his worth does not come from his usefulness, and that he does not need to be useful to be worthy of love, so he tells your own lesson back to you and wants you to accept the same love you offered him.

When you tell him that you feel lonely, he’d initially get a little worried thinking that he wasn’t enough for you, but once you assured him that that wasn’t what you meant, he’d be more able to help. He’d try to invite you along to more of his favourite activities such as gardening and baking, and also ask if there was anything else that you wanted the two of you to do together.

If you need a cry, Saeran would simply hold you and let you cry out everything that you need to, since he knows the damage that can be caused by bottling everything up. He’ll mutter small reassurances that you’re not boring and that he’s already had too much excitement in his life as it is, he likes you just the way you are and that you could never be replaced to him.

V/Jihyun Kim with an insecure Reader Headcanons 

He cannot believe what you’re saying. He’s always thought you were absolutely, entirely perfect. He understands that you might not feel the same way about yourself but he wants to bathe you with so much love that you forget that you could have ever disliked the person he has so much unmatched devotion for.

V would want to do something special for you, to show you how precious you truly are to him. Whilst you were out one day, he’d have gathered every single picture he had ever taken of you and hung the loose images by threads from the ceiling. 

When you’d come home, he would have come behind you and covered your eyes before guiding you into the room and presenting you with... yourself. V takes you through each picture, and god there are so many, and tells you the date, what was happening at that moment, and how he felt about you when taking that picture. 

There are so many different photographs, with so many different emotions captured; happiness, sadness, pleasure, melancholy, excitement, ecstasy, mystery... But the emotion that V always explained himself with was Love, adoration. These memories could never be replaced, and neither could you.

[butterysalt]

Thanks For Existing | Sherlock x Reader

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x reader (gender neutral)

Summary: In order to make a point to Irene, Sherlock goes out of his way to express his gratitude and make sure that you know what you mean to him.

Word Count: 1,504

Contains: Soft Sherlock

A/N: Haha I guess I much prefer writing Sherlock as “only a little bit of an asshole”. Enjoy!

You and Sherlock were in the records room for a few hours now searching for a very specific piece of information for a case. He stood beside you, watching idly as you flipped through the evidence files in the big metal cabinets. It wasn’t as though you had really noticed that he stopped looking around to be able to jab at him.

When you were concentrating on something and your mind isolated itself — your own “normal people” version of a mind palace, if you will — your eyebrows would furrow or twitch and you would gently grind your molars… Like how Sherlock noted that you were doing now.

“Hah!” Your eyes lit up suddenly and a bright grin flashed on your face. You drew out a single vanilla folder, flipping through the papers to check its contents and nodding triumphantly. A small smile crept onto Sherlock’s face as he watched you claim your success and do a ridiculous victory jig in the records room.

You shuffled over to him, still bouncing, waving the flat file at him in a taunting way and playfully bopping your fists into his shoulder. “I found ittt, I’m so resourceful ooooh,” you sang, mocking him shamelessly. Sherlock rolled his eyes at your nonsense and made a deep groveling chuckle that buzzed within his chest. Then he sucked in a slow breath and pondered silently.

“Y/n,” you rose a brow and urged him expectantly as you slipped the evidence report into your bag. “Are you free to get dinner with me tonight?”

You tensed up, snapping your head towards him incredulously. Sherlock stood, anticipating your response. Even for a mechanical detective like himself, you dared to go out on a limb and say he looked a little nervous.

After a few seconds of tense staring, you sputtered to yourself and saw that he was being completely serious. You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth, readjusting the strap of your bag on your arm and checked the clock.

“Oh… uhm, well, we finally found that bloody file so I suppose I am for the night,” you murmured unsurely, mostly to yourself. Your eyes rose carefully to meet Sherlock’s. It was so  nerve wracking to make eye contact when his icy stare was so trained on you. “Where did you have in mind?”

Sherlock grinned, “Oh, just something in mind.” The careful response surprised you and your eyes squinted at him in suspicion. He only winked at you and turned to leave the room. For now, you dismissed his secrecy and followed the tail of his trench coat, pursuing the mystery.

The supposedly super-secret location that Sherlock was taking you to was his favorite hot chips stand. A part of you was confused due to how grand he was hyping up the destination to be. But it was fitting. You’ve known Sherlock long enough to know that chips were one of the only things out of the very few in this world that could get through to him during some of his darkest times.

Both of you paid for your chips and sat on a cold bench on the bridge. The deep vibrant painted sky that the setting sun had cast over London was dispersing into tufts of a dark red and blue. The view was breathtaking.

You never had as much time as you’d like to admit to stop working and appreciate what life had to give. Your heart swelled greatly at the realization that no day ever changed. The birds danced with the merciful breeze, singing a devoted song for another. The water underneath the bridge slapped against the brick structure, ringing special bells and melodies in your ears.

The last yellow light over the horizon was pacing its way down the tall buildings of the city, decorating the glossy towers with dazzling sparkles. And then, the whole world was enveloped by a dark velvety cloak of stars and constellations. For a moment, time became irrelevant and everyone was forced to revel in it. This is what you’ve been missing out on all this time.

“Sherlock?” The detective hummed as he chewed his fresh chips. His eyes remained in front of him, gazing towards the blobs of light dancing in the city across the ocean.

“Why did you ask me to dinner tonight?” You asked warily. Sherlock stuffed his face with another handful and downed it as quickly as he consumed it. He shrugged stubbornly. “I wanted chips.”

A puff of disbelief slipped out and you allowed the growing smile to spread on your face. You rustled your own chips in your tray and began to clench and unclench your hand subconsciously. “... Was that all?”

Sherlock leaned back into the bench, eating in a much more polite manner this time. “It’s a thank you,” he said simply. You frowned and tilted your head in his direction. “A thank you? For what?”

“... Being here,” he uttered before shoving another chip in his mouth. Your eyes widened and you felt your lips parted in surprise. He wouldn’t look at you but rather just continue distracting himself with food. That’s a first.

A warmth grew in your cheeks and you lingered in contemplation before taking a bite of your own chips. You both looked forward, ignoring the silence among the two of you. But the setting was calm. Now that the sun had already set, so did the city.

You murmured quietly, “Well in that case, thank you as well.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him either as you thanked him. You darted your eyes in any other direction and hastily chewed.

Sherlock glanced at you from the corner of his eyes and his lips formed a smirk. Even when you weren’t directly looking at him, he could see the way your eyes sparkled and lit up when he was around you. You enjoyed each other's company and that was enough proof for Sherlock to believe that you really do mean something to him.

“You don’t want to have dinner with me,” Irene asked, but it came out more as a statement.

“No thanks,” Sherlock responded flatly. The woman rose a brow and a sly expression graced her face. She crossed her legs and leaned forward. “Oh? Now that’s interesting.” Sherlock kept his eyes closed as a way to actively ignore her but he perked a silent brow.

He could easily hear the smirk in the Woman’s voice. “Are they that special to you?” This made his brows twitch. Despite her personal jabs, Sherlock still refused to look in her direction.

A sultry laugh came from her throat. “To prove me wrong, you, Sherlock Holmes of all people, would go out of your way to play with another one of your pets. You really can’t lose at anything, can you?” Irene chuckled to herself and tilted her head, gazing at the slight facial tremors on his features. “Unless, you want my attention that badly?”

“Excuse me?” Irene grinned and bounced her shoulders. “I’m only stating, Mr. Holmes. It is a mystery how you work. You deny it, but you’re very emotional.”

His eyes were wide open now and glaring at her. He dropped his hands on the chair’s armrests. “You don’t know anything about me, Ms. Adler.”

“Is that right?” She hummed. Irene slowly got to her feet and approached the detective until she was standing in front of him. “You’ll do anything to win, Holmes. Trust me, I know. But is it possible for you to win anything and everything? A very specific person of interest by chance?”

“I don’t understand,” Sherlock said carefully. Irene lowered herself onto his lap and rested against his chest. The man did not flinch nor move away. He stared her dead in the eyes.

“You don’t know how to be intimate with someone. How to satisfy a person. At least not properly.” Sherlock rose a brow, questioning that notion.

Irene flirted and adjusted her position, leaning all her weight against him now. “Believe me, I can see the lechery in your eyes. But you won’t be able to keep them, you know. It's all a game to you. Do you really think that these boring people have the will to put up with geniuses such as you and me?”

Sherlock remained stone in his spot, glaring at the woman straddling him. Irene thought she was effectively intimidating him until he leaned forward, close enough to say words only they could hear.

“You’re not special to me.” Her eyes rose to meet his and she felt a chill run through her. “You’re not different. Not unique nor brilliant. You’re the same as any one else I’ve ever perceived. Just way in over your head.”

Sherlock easily pushed her off his lap then stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, turning away from her. The Woman stood back, staring at his back in shock.

Holmes opened the door to his bedroom and hollered behind him, “Lock the door before you leave, thanks!”

[tainted-wine]

I hope you don’t mind this being exclusive for the Pro-Heroes!

(NSFW)

Papers? Check. Writing utensils? Check. Lube? Check.

You were primed and ready to begin this cocktastic journey. Completing this project will be a great benefit to Thirstology. You can’t believe that they put their trust in you to collect such valuable information from several willing participants. There’s no way you’re going to let the people at National Thirst Studies down.

With your lower body completely bare, you and your ambitious pussy set out to begin the cockwarming interviews.

Yagi Toshinori/All Might

Pre-Notes: The Symbol of Peace. It’s still surreal to see him in such a fragile state. Strangely enough, I never once asked myself: Does All Might fuck? “Obviously he was too pure for fucking,” is what I would have said before I devoted my life to Thirst Studies. But I have learned over the years that there is no such thing as purity.

------

After he got over the initial shock of you wearing no pants or underwear, you were finally able to begin your study and ask him the main question.

You barely dodged the spray of blood spewing out of his mouth. “Am I into what?” He sputtered.

“Cockwarming, sir. The act of settling a penis in a nice cozy orifice. There’s no movement, only penetration. Surely you already at least knew the definition when you agreed to this?” You offered him a paper towel, which he accepted with a choked “thank you.”

“Midnight told me this would be about intimate relationships,” he anxiously explained while wiping the red off of his lips. “But I wasn’t expecting to hear something that graphic.”

Ah, so he was talked into this. “Well, with your permission, I can give you a personal demonstration.”

His answer was inaudible the first time; you had to ask him to speak up in order to hear his adorably high “yes.” He was a lot shyer than you imagined. Poor guy was shaking like he was on a verge of a heart attack when you took his cock out and boy, did he put the ‘long’ in ‘schlong.’ But your mission wasn’t to admire the dick’s appearance, it was to learn how their owners used them inside a hot snatch. You climbed onto him and lowered yourself and ooooh shit, both of you were moaning as his inches sank into you. You couldn’t take it all, but it was more than enough to get the job done.

“Mmnngh, yes, very long. Pushing almost painfully,” You said through clenched teeth, scribbling in your notepad as you sat semi-comfortably in his lap. “Can you give me your input, Toshinori? How is this feeling for you?”

“Blrraaaffggg.”

“Toshi?”

“…”

He laid limp in the interview chair as crimson liquid continued to flow from his mouth. Well, this is troublesome. You’ll have to wait for him to regain consciousness to hear his feedback.

------

Conclusion: This was his first time experiencing cockwarming. He described it as ‘intense, but not unpleasant’. Unfortunately, whenever I ask for more details, he would get too embarrassed to share anything. Frankly, this isn’t the most fruitful start to my series of interviews, but it was a great privilege to meet the amazing All Might.

Shouta Aizawa/Eraserhead

Pre-Notes: I honestly don’t even know who the hell this is. An underground hero, apparently. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that he brought a cat with him. I told him that it needs to stay outside during the interview, but the difficult bastard was ready to turn around and leave unless I allowed the furball in. What a hassle. Do I even want to sit on this man?

------

You’re thankful that you did, in fact, sit on this man. His sleek ebony cat was relaxing in your lap while your pink kitty was stuffed with his cock. Despite his indifference to the situation, it was strangely intimate. Taking notes over a cute feline while his length twitched inside you was rather challenging.

“You seem like a rather exhausted fellow. Is it maybe the laid-back nature of the act that you find so alluring?” You asked.

“Mmhmm.” His arms circled around you to stroke his adorable pet.

“Being able to just wind down by giving your hard snake a wet hot crib to rest in?”

“Mmmmm.”

“I would appreciate a more elaborate answer.”

“Mmmmm...”

You shifted just enough to turn your head and see Aizawa’s head lolled back, his breaths getting heavier after each exhale. You can feel him quickly going soft inside you.

Ugh...

------

Conclusion: Given that he fell asleep in the middle of the demonstration, it’s safe to say that he finds the act very relaxing. I can only make guesses because the moment he woke up, he hurried me off his lap, picked up his cat and headed out. I did my best to chase him and ask if I could at least hear his final thoughts, but that bastard leaps on cars and buildings as skillfully as Edgeshot.

Hizashi Yamada/Present Mic

Pre-Notes: I’m not sure what to expect from the Voice Hero. His radio show has hosted some surprisingly insightful interviews. Unlike the last two, he will hopefully have some truly constructive answers to give.

------

“Not gonna lie, I always wanted to try this!”

Both of you were red in the face as you sat on his throbbing cock. Despite the blush and slight shake in his voice, he was as cheerful as ever. “Sometimes I just wonder, it would be pretty cool to just have a hottie warmin’ me up during my show, ya dig? No sex, though. I know I’m not quiet enough to get away with that on the air!” He laughed loudly right into your ear.

Well that kinda hurt, but it’s nice to finally have a fully cooperative interviewee. You were actually able to ask all of your planned questions for once, and Hizashi gave a satisfying answer to each one.

Unfortunately, it just couldn’t go perfectly, and his phone ended up ringing near the end of the interview.

“Hold on, listener. I gotta take this.”

Did he really? You wished he would wait until you were done.

You felt him lean back as you remained on his lap. “Shouta, buddy! What’s goin’ on?”

Shouta? Does he mean...?

“Sorry about that! I’m not home yet, I’m doin’ a...special interview, with a hard-working thirstologist.” You heard the voice on the other end respond, and Hizashi made a noise of confusion. “Eh? What do you mean ‘you too?’”

Oh dear, he does. They actually know each other.

The conversation quickly transformed into an argument, a loud one. The two heroes apparently have some...tension between them.

“Oh, so I throw hints at you for years and you act as innocent as your cats, but you’ll sit down and let a girl hop on your dick during an interview?!”

You had to lift yourself off of his softening member and take shelter from his booming voice. He was tucking himself back into his pants with one hand as he marched out of the room, but his hurt and anger was still loud and clear. “Don’t give me that bull. I bet if I hit you with twenty one questions about cockwarming, you’d just pretend you’re asleep! Oh, you actually did fall asleep? Huh.”

You awkwardly collected your notes as the two gentlemen were seemingly making up.

“Damn right I’ve always felt this way. Oh man, you better get ready tonight because I’ve got over ten years of pent up feelings, and you’re gonna take it all.”

------

Conclusion: It feels good to have a full interview. In summary, Hizashi is intrigued by the combination of closeness and casualness of it all. His interest in cockwarming during his jobs also indicate a possible thrill out of doing it in public. In addition, I’d like to announce with some pride that I may have assisted in taking two friends to the next level of their relationship.

Hawks

Pre-Notes: I’m eager to hear what the handsome winged hero has to say. I wouldn’t mind if we just stare at each other throughout the entire interview. My lust for him is unbearably strong and I’m not sure why. It’s probably just the horny writer’s obvious bias towards this bird. She could use another hobby.

------

Hawks laughed once you gave him the question that officially begins the interview. “Gotta admit, I’ve actually never tried it.”

That’s a surprise that you quickly jot down in your notes. “I see. Is it something you’re interested in trying? I can give you a demonstration right here.”

“Oh? I’d love one.”

You try not to look too excited as you leave your seat and move to undo his pants, but Hawks raises a hand.

“But I want you to do it on your knees.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “My knees? How do I-”

“With your mouth.”

Oh my.

You granted his request and kneeled down to take his half-hard cock into your mouth.

“Ahhh, that’s nice.” He sighed loudly, spreading his legs more as he stared down at you.

You detached your mouth from him to speak. “Can you tell me what it is that you-mmffrrf.”

A hand pushed you back down onto his man meat. “No no no, just...stay right there. I’ll do the talking in a minute.”

You sat there with his cock growing in the heat of your mouth. Hawks’s eyes were closed, a small content smile on his face. Every time you lifted your head just an inch, the hand on your head pressed you back down. Just when this interview was starting to feel more like a hookup, he finally began to talk.

“Oh yeah, I’ve fantasized stuff like this. You got a shitty boss? I do, don’t tell them I said that, though. They’re always finding something to get on my ass about. Working me like a dog everyday, expecting me to pull off these insane missions flawlessly.”

All you could do was look up and listen to his rant. He must have loved the sight of you, going by the strong twitch of his length in your mouth.

“They just keep asking more and more from me. ‘Do this faster next time, Hawks!’ or ‘I know you’ve never done something like this before, but don’t fail us, Hawks!’ Sometimes I just wanna shove something in their mouths...like my dick. Can you relate?”

You shook your head as well as you could in your current position.

He shrugged. “Oh well. As far as I know, I’ll always be the one getting fucked by them. But something like this...” He pat your head. “Ah yeah, it would be so nice to see them like this...”

------

Conclusion: Hawks was sadly short on time and had to leave before I could even get into the questions. Going by the very personal feelings and frustrations he shared, Hawks enjoys the dominance displayed from cockwarming, and prefers it be done orally. I will respect his wishes and not reveal any of the opinions that he shared about the establishment he works for and its executives.

Taishiro Toyomitsu/Fat Gum

Pre-Notes: It’s best that I continue to be honest: I’m anxious. Fat Gum is one of the biggest heroes around, and I just know that there is a deadly pillar of pussy destruction in those pants. I know that I should be more concerned with the questions, but it just won’t leave my mind.

------

“So, what experience do you have with this, Toyomitsu?”

The large man chuckled. He was currently in his skinny form, which you’re pretty thankful for since his fat form would have been beyond awkward to straddle. That would be like trying to hump one of those giant inflatable characters at parades. “A pretty lady I knew was really into it! I tried it for her sake, but I’ll say this with no ego, my sausage ain’t something to be taken lightly! Still, she was determined, and I was really digging just how strong her will was to take me.”

‘She sounds like a very brave soul,‘ you thought as your pen glided across your paper.

“I couldn’t believe it when she managed to get all of me inside. She couldn’t either, because she passed out! At first I just wanted to laugh it off,” he cackled as if to give an example, but his face quickly drooped into a somber expression. “But then I realized she wasn’t breathing...” His eyes shut in pain and sorrow. “And I couldn’t find a pulse...”

You nearly dropped your pen in horror. “My goodness, Toyomitsu. I’m so sor-”

“I’m just messin’ with ya! She’s fine!” His face immediately brightened up again, leaving you shocked and somewhat upset over the scare. “But seriously, if you want a seat on this big boy, I hope you’ve got plenty of lube on hand.”

“Don’t worry, I do. More than enough for the biggest flesh towers.”

But your doubts instantly returned when the bulging monster was freed from his pants. It’s huge. Toshinori may have been long, but this monster was unbelievable in both length and girth.

Your fear must have been evident on your face, because Toyomitsu asked, “You sure you wanna do this? Don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

You whipped out your bottle of lube and drenched your hands. “Thirstology is my passion. My life’s work. I am more than willing to put my life on the line for science.”

The hero raised an eyebrow. “It’s...not that serious, but I really like your guts, missy.” He gave himself a few strokes. “So let me tear them up.”

Even with the coatings of lube inside your pussy and on his massive cock, this was still the most arduous task you have ever performed in your life. You didn’t know it was possible to be stretched this far. The light blonde was mesmerized by your trembles and scrunched expressions and as you tried to take more of him, his mouth slightly open when he noticed the swell in your lower abdomen.

“Oh, that is hot.”

------

Conclusion: I did it. I took the Fat Gun. Fat Gum himself takes a lot of pleasure in watching the strain of someone trying to take him in, and due to his partner often being much smaller than him, the tightness is very pleasurable to him. He was the only interviewee that actually came during the demonstration, so I suppose it’s safe to say that he is the biggest fan of cockwarming out of the five. He was very panicked when he came inside me, but I reassured him that I am on the pill. This is still a hell of a mess to clean up, however.

(I hope the information I have obtained will be useful for the institute. Thank you for giving me this opportunity)

[ducavalentinos]

Hello, What were the opinions of the people who personally knew Cesare ? Thank you !

Hello ;) So, there were a lot of opinions made about Cesare by his contemporaries, but most of the opinions come from people who met him, not knew him intimately. The unfortunate thing here is that Cesare is mostly seen through the lenses of people outside his inner circle: ambassadors, orators, enemies who wrote daily dispatches, reports, letters to their employers and others. Some of this material has weight and it’s helpful, but still they all contain the unavoidable political element and focus towards Cesare as the political figure, not Cesare as a person. There are interesting glimpses of his personality and intimate life here and there, but never enough to make more than a sketch of it, and often much of it is distorted, with incorrect information and/or evaluations which were believed at the time to have been accurate. Cesare through the lenses of people inside his inner circle: people who knew him intimately, people he trusted and loved and vice-versa, are frustratingly limited, there’s almost nothing, which creates a big unbalance about his figure and his life. I believe the opinions of his beloved tutor Giovanni Vera, his most known secretary and adviser Agapito Geraldini di Amelia, or Miguel da Corella, or of his mother, his sister, his wife, would be incredibly valuable in order to have more precise knowledge, and a more rounded assessment about his person, in all of its facets, since we don’t have that, what fills up this gap are the words of one of his first secretaries, the alleged words of his father, Rodrigo, and the words of intellectuals and poets who interacted with him at his father’s court in Rome, some later following him at his own court in the Romagna, beneath the exaggerated flattery common in these writings, these men make some interesting observations, and express a genuine opinion about Cesare, aside from just the political man, which helps to shed a light into his personality, his qualities, and other aspects of his life. With this in mind, I gathered opinions that can be confirmed by Cesare’s own documented actions, and that I find are generally reliable: not entirely dominated by personal/political bias, and absent of the malice and gossip which became more common the more powerful Cesare and his family became. There are mix between the first group (ambassadors, orators, enemies, etc), the second group (people close to him, intellectuals and poets), and maybe there will be one or two which does not belong to either group, so I’ll leave them for last as a type of miscellaneous third group, in chronological order: 1488:

“What thanks can I give you, Cesare Borgia? May this auspicious day be celebrated as a festive day, in which this work comes to light only out of your love, and if our judgment is worth something, it will be most useful for general prosperity. In this book, we teach how to write a poem, exploring and manifesting all the secrets of metric art. Certainly a work that will please you very much. [...]Add to that your great and truly effective love for beautiful letters.You, Cesare, are truly worthy of much commendation, if at such a young age you act with the wisdom of an old man. Forward, then, O hope and ornament of the Borgia family, and accept with a good heart our Syllables, an offering of your devoted friend. So I believe that my name, joined to your eternal name and that of [your house], will have ornament and life."

- Extracts from a dedication written to Cesare by Paolo Pompilio,h in his Syllabica, a literature text-book of verse composition, published in the same year. 1492:

“Cesare Borgia profited so much that, with ardent ingenuity, he discussed the questions posed to him both in Canon law and in Civil law.”

- Paolo Giovio, concerning the Disputation for the laurea at the University of Pisa, where Cesare studied from 1491 to 1492. 1493:

"On the day before yesterday I found Cesare at home in Trastevere. He was on the point of setting out to go hunting, and entirely in secular habit. that is to say, dressed in silk and armed. Riding together, we talked a while, I am among his most intimate acquaintances. He is a man of great talent and of an excellent nature; his manners are those of the son of a great prince; above everything, he is joyous and light-hearted. He is very modest**, much superior to, and of a much finer appearance than his brother the Duke of Gandia, who also is not short of natural gifts."

- Disp. written by Gianandrea Boccaccio to his employer, the Duke of Ferrara, Ercole d'Este. 1497:

"Nature has engendered in you not the seed of virtù, but virtù itself, and in occupying herself to form you, [she] has adorned your body with an excellent form, dignity, and every beauty, and provided the soul with moderation**, decorum, gravity, benevolence, and above all royal liberality**, which nature seemed to have surpassed herself. And this liberality of yours, is shown with writers and artists."

- Extract from a dedication written by one of Cesare's secretaries, Carlo Valgulio, in the first transl. of Cleomedes: De contemplatione orbium excelsorum. 1499:

“By his modesty, his readiness, his prudence, and his other virtues he has known how to earn the affections of every one.”

- Letter written by Giuliano Della Rovere, to pope Alexander VI, concerning Cesare's arrival in France.**

"The Pope's son was very gallant..."

- Baldassare Castiglione, in a letter after seeing the entrance of Cesare and his suite alongside King Louis XII of France in Milan. 1500:

“To-day, about the twenty-second hour (four in the afternoon), after he had dined, he had signor Ramiro fetch me to him; and with great frankness and amiability his Majesty first made his excuses for not granting me an audience the preceding day, owing to his having so much to do in the castle and also on account of the pain caused by his ulcer. Following this, and after I had stated that the sole object of my misson was to wait upon his Majesty to congratulate and thank thim, and to offer your services, he answered me in carefully chosen words, covering each point and very fluently. The gist of it was, that knowing your Excellency’s ability and goodness, he had always loved you and had hoped to enjoy personal relations with you. He had looked forward to this when you were in Milan, but events and circumstances then prevented it. But now that he had come to this country, he --determined to have his wish-- had written the letter announcing his successes, of his own free will and as proof of his love, and feeling certain that you Majesty would be pleased by it. He says he will continue to keep you informed of his doings**, as he desires to establish a firm friendship with your Majesty, and he proffers everything he owns and in his power should you ever have need.[...]When I take both the actual facts and his words into consideration, I see why he wishes to establish some sort of friendly alliance with your Majesty. I believe in his professions, and I can see nothing but good in them.”

Postscript: “The Duke’s daily life is as follows: he goes to bed at eight, nine, or ten o’clock at night (three to five o’clock in the morning). Consequently, the eighteenth hour is his dawn, the nineteenth his sunrise, and the twentieth his time for rising. Immediately on getting up he sits down to the table, and while there and afterwards he attends to his business affairs. He is considered brave, strong, and generous, and it is said he lays great store by straightforward men.[...]He is great of spirit and he seeks eminence and glory.”

- Extracts from a Disp. of Pandolfo Collenuccio to his employer, the Duke of Ferrara, Ercole d’Este, from Pesaro. 1501:

"This lord is very magnificent and splendid, and so spirited in feats of arms that there is nothing so great but that it must seem small to him. In the pursuit of glory and to acquire a State he never rests, and he knows neither danger nor fatigue. He moves so swiftly that he arrives at a place before it is known that he has set out for it. He knows how to make himself beloved of his soldiers, and he has in his service the best men of Italy. These things render him victorious and formidable, and to these is yet to be added his perpetual good fortune."

- Disp. written by Niccolò Machiavelli to the Signory of Florence. 1502:

"He [Cesare] argues with such sound reason that to dispute with him would be a long affair, for his wit and eloquence never fail him (dello ingegno e della lingua si vale quanto vuole...)

-Disp. written by Francesco Soderini, from Urbino, to the Signory of Florence.

"The duke[Cesare] is good-natured, but he cannot tolerate offenses."

- Rodrigo Borgia, to the Ferrarese ambassador B. Constabili.

Miscellaneous: A certain author named Camillo di Leonardo from Pesaro dedicates to Cesare, in the year of 1502, his famous work Speculum Lapidum, in which he 'commends the duke for his great love of letters, his courteous liberality towards the scholarly, the care he used when collecting the beautiful and numerous [works] of the library of Cesena, and even his sweetness and his gentleness.' Gaspare Torella, one of Cesare's personal physician and advisers also dedicated to him his Dialogus de Dolore, in which he says he is "...pleased that [Cesare's] virtù surpassed those of the great ones of Rome, such as the justice of Brutus, the constancy of Decius, the continence of Scipio, the loyalty of Marco Regolo, and the magnanimity of Paolo Emilio.” The French commanders used to say of Cesare: “At war he was a good companion and a brave man." The Spanish historian Zurita, atypically pays a compliment to Cesare when assessing the situation in Italy and of pope Julius' panic when hearing about Cesare's escape from the Spanish prison in 1506, he writes: "The duke was such that his very presence was enough to set all Italy agog; and he was greatly beloved, not only by men of war, but also by many people of Tuscany and of the States of the Church." Lastly, during the winter of 1500-1501, a scholar and poet named Francesco Uberti, native of Cesena, adressed to Cesare a volume of epigrams, all which show the Romagnese opinion about him. According to Uberti, Cesare's Romagnese subjects learned his temper was 'mitissima' (gentle), 'placidissima' (calm) and his 'crueltà' (cruelty) was the severity necessary to repress political disorders. There is also other epigrams where Tiberti praises Cesare's clemency, "pious and kind Cesare..." ** The terms modesty and moderation, according to Gregorovius, can be also taken to 'understand as part and manifestation of a liberal education,...’ and the term liberality means generous, which Cesare was particularly reputed as being, to such a degree his genorosity was called at the time after his own name as “liberalità cesarea”. ** I decided to add Della Rovere’s words about Cesare, because as writer and historian Anthony Everitt said in one of his books: “Praise from one’s worst enemy is the most annoying, but also the most credible, of compliments.” and because even if Della Rovere’s words are insincere, likely, these words can nevertheless be confirmed by the opinions of others about Cesare, esp. in the historical records about his soujour at France. **Cesare had sent long letters to Ercole d'Este while he was at the conquest of Imola and Forlì, telling him the details of the military campaign.

[ddarker-dreams]

Levi Ackerman x Reader hcs. [COMM]

a/n: i haven’t written for levi in many years!! some lock lore is that i used to write for him the most, it’s actually what got me into fanfiction/anime in the first place back in 2012... so it feels very nice to write for him again. i had a lot of fun with this! :’) word count: 2k. warnings: non explicit mentions of death (not involving reader), just canon typical stuff.

Love has been a concept that remains closed off in Levi’s mind. Getting close to others is already a risk too great in the world he’s come to know, a factor that’s proven unfortunately true time and time again. When you’re close to others, it means the possibility of being hurt by them all the same when they inevitably leave. The pain of losing another he’s grown attached to outweighs the possible benefits that could come with a closer connection. This philosophy has ensnared his heart, creating a barrier that no one dared slipping past for many years.

Even though Levi makes the choice to be wary of growing closer than necessary to people, he also understands the importance of trusting in his comrades. He has his own way of mentally assessing new recruits, and didn’t think much of you initially. You were a fresh face, who hoped that your efforts would cultivate humanity’s future. He’d seen many with that spark too many times to count. All of them ending up killed in gruesome ways, or losing the shine in their eyes should they live past another expedition. Though he still has an inherent respect for anyone willing to put their lives on the line for the Survey Corps, this extending to you as well.

His initial assessment of you was proven incorrect. While no longer as naive to the horrors of the outside world, the spark inside of you remains ever bright. There’s determination, that has only grown in strength as time goes on, rather than fading away. It catches his eye, to say the least. He looks after you from afar, without even realizing it. Levi tells himself that it’d just be a shame if something happened to you. He doesn’t think anything beyond that for some time, for his own mental well being.

Your relationship starts off with no romantic intentions. Levi spots you training on your own one day, even after a grueling day of menial work that comes with being a member of the Survey Corps. He’s captivated, unable to look away from your form. It’s sloppy, he thinks, but not hopeless. You’re not hopeless. It doesn’t sound like a high compliment, but coming from him, it’s meaningful.

It’s startling when he approaches you for the first time. He’s pointing out the numerous errors in your stance and what to do to correct them, never mincing his words. Levi’s standing there, arms crossed, willing you to continue with his input. While being under the scrutiny of humanity’s strongest soldier is anxiety inducing, his advice works perfectly. He doesn’t comment further than that, turning on his heels and leaving you to your thoughts and confusion.

Keeping your body in the best possible condition is vital to staying alive. His advice, though delivered in sharp as knives critiques, serves you well. Even just the bare minimum has your technique rapidly improving. This motivation to keep growing and learning is what drives you. Levi continues to watch from a safe distance as you spend hours doing different exercises, developing your abilities. From this point on it becomes something of a tradition, as much as he tries not to think of it that way. There’s a level of subconscious attachment that comes with looking forward to seeing you improve every evening. He’s acknowledged you. 

You start training together. It’s not everyday an opportunity to learn under Levi is offered, so when the hand was extended to you, you accepted it. He’s a tough yet fair teacher, offering praise only when he believes it’s deserved. Unfortunately, he can’t devote that much time to your little evenings due to his other obligations. That makes the time you shared all the more special. Despite himself, he’s looking out for you, and you him. A solid relationship begins to form.

Levi isn’t the easiest person to be around. He’s surprisingly talkative if you get him speaking on subjects that interest him, but his language remains coarse. Once you get used to this side of him, it’s for the better, hours flying by and the night sky appearing before you know it. Unlike others that tend to get offended or avoid alone time with Levi due to his reputation, you remain constant. He never brings it up, though he does wonder why you’re hellbent on seeking him out.

There are still times where Levi holds an internal battle over the unfolding events. He’s starting to like spending time with you, more than just offering wisdom on various subjects he’s knowledge about. He genuinely enjoys listening when you speak, an honor exclusive to you. Through the snark and monotonous comments, there’s clear attachment. 

It gets to the point that his closer comrades even pick up on the unusual behavior, this level of respect typically reserved for no one other than Commander Erwin. Though Hanji is the only one to point this behavior out. Everyone else is too frightened at the prospect of teasing Levi over his not so subtle fondness for you. He really didn’t think he was being so obvious... 

You’re on his mind more than he cares to admits. His mind wonders to you at night, when he’s in town, or even when he sees something silly that reminds him of you. Eventually, Levi’s thoughts almost always connect to you to some degree. He’ll spot something in the windows of a shop and recall how you mentioned wanting something similar, or subconsciously look for your favorite food when walking through market stalls. The thought of giving you gifts is off putting for a while since it’s a clear sign of of tenderness. And dammit, he’s trying so hard not to become attached -- but who is he kidding -- it’s far too late for that.

What Levi is good at is making swift decisions in the heat of the moment, and combat. So he has literally no idea how to approach his developing feelings for you. There are a lot of impulses, such as complimenting you, but it comes out more like an insult than anything. God bless your soul, because you’re going to be putting up with lots of uncomfortable interactions. He’s trying, okay, but he doesn’t know the first thing about romance. 

How he best shows his care for you is helping around in various ways. It isn’t as embarrassing as having to offer compliments, or the other traditional ways of romancing the person you’re interested in. Levi commits to making your life easier in anyway he can. These things range from making sure your horse is in top condition, setting aside rations if he knows you’re too busy to get them yourself, and checking over your equipment personally. He presents all this by saying “You’re prone to making mistakes, so let me do it instead.” In reality he just wants to make life easier for you, don’t be fooled by the prickly comment. 

He isn’t blind to the other elements of his attraction to you. You’re always glowing, an angel incarnate, beauty enough to draw in practically anyone with eyes. It was enough to draw him in after all. The first attempts at physical affection are subtle, yet heartfelt. Sitting closer to you, thighs almost touching. Leaning in closer whenever you speak. Lightly brushing his fingers against his face, claiming he saw a spec of dirt on it. All these things to gauge your reaction and build up his own confidence in pursuing you further.

The first time you kiss would be the night before an expedition. It’s always the most gut wrenching experience, anxiety ailing you so badly that sleep refuses to come. The stars are out, not a cloud in the sky. Levi comes to sit by you, chastising you for not being asleep, and offering no rebuttal when you point out that he’s also awake. It’s a serene moment, neither of you exchanging words for some time, finding comfort in each others presence. You don’t even realize how close he is to you. He speaks, the words insignificant, you’ve already long forgot what they were. 

When your head turns to offer him your full attention, that’s when he leans in. A chaste kiss is pressed against your parted lips. It’s shocking to say the least, adrenaline pumping through your veins at the intimate moment. His lips are softer than you expected. He treats you with unprecedented delicacy, moving back to assess your expression through lidded eyes. When you’re willing to reciprocate he’s more than happy to let you have your way. 

Levi isn’t the best with expressing himself fully through words. His actions more than compensate for this, you’ll never doubt his dedication to you. There’s no need for flowery prose, not when he has proven the lengths he’d go through to keep you safe, bearing all of himself to you. Your relationship isn’t defined by strict terminology, as he admitted to finding stuff like that “a waste of breath”. You both wordlessly acknowledge one another as partners. Any keen onlooker might be able to pick up on this, you don’t hide or put your relationship on display.

It’ll take some time for him to grow more amiable to physically expressing himself. He’s aware of his own strength and intimidating disposition, and doesn’t want to mess what’s possibly the best thing in his life up. So you’ll need to lead in most of those areas. All physical affection is reserved for private moments. Aside from maybe him whispering a sly remark or two in passing. 

The affection he likes receiving from you the most would be: Complimenting his actions, when you lay your head on his shoulder, whenever you do little things to help him out without him mentioning it, and when you hug him. He’s never experienced being held by another human being. So when you do it for the first time, he’s taken aback by how pleasant it is. Your comforting scent, how your warmth envelopes him, and how he can feel your heart beating. It’s one of his favorite things in the world, other than you of course.

The type of affection that he gives you the most would be: Acknowledging your growth in different areas (especially if he knows you’re insecure in one of them), putting his hand over yours, reminding you to take care of yourself, and kissing you on the forehead. Levi is a very proactive lover. He’s got a keen eye, picking up on things about yourself before you even notice them. While he might not always have the most tact, everything he does for you comes from a wholesome place.

Levi remains serious in the public eye. But when it’s just the two of you, or the company is people he’s close with, he loosens up considerably. Most of his jokes go over your head, since he always delivers them with such a deadpan. When he gets you to laugh with his dry wit though, by god does it feel good, he could listen to your laughter forever. It might even make his face heat up. 

You’re capable of making him smile more than anyone else! Though it’s still rare, that just means that when he does, you treasure it all the more. He smiles the most when you lose yourself in conversation. Rambling about your dreams, stories from your childhood, frustrating encounters that you had that day... all of it warms his heart in a way he never thought possible. You’re an addicting ray of sunshine, that he’s hellbent on protecting. 

Levi knows, now more than ever, what he wants from the future. Alongside protecting and expanding humanity’s territory, it’s you that he wants by him, and no cost is too great to achieve it. He won’t lose you -- he’s already lost so much -- so expect him to be protective. There may be limits to what he can do, but they’re all arbitrary to him. Rules and morality mean nothing in the face of ensuring your safety, and he’s vowed this to you. That one day, you’ll have a secure future, forever tied to each other. He might not mention the last part as it’s embarrassing, but the general sentiment is understood. 

[grimmons]

Now that it's said, done, and over, I'm extremely satisfied with the ending that we got for the M9. I know people who are distressed and upset and uncomfortable with the ending that Essek and Caleb got, but to me? It reads like people just. Don't understand how intimate these characters are with each other.

My thoughts will be under the cut and finished off in tags. It's a long one, boys.

cws and tws // critical role spoilers for ep 141, shadowgast mentions, queerbaiting references, mentions of abuse (multiple kinds) and trauma.

The casual intimacy in and out of fights, declarations of devotion, wanting to spend most of Caleb's lifetime with Essek...

Essek willing to drop the idea of his lifelong dream, because he had met Caleb, and Caleb changed him for the better.

Caleb sharing a very, very personal and horrible and traumatizing memory, and a dream that he's wanted for years, to undo his mistakes, to save them. Essek immediately offering his help and willingness for assistance, because even though he refuses the ability to time travel for both consequences unknown, and the ability to be with Caleb in the now, he would drop anything to allow his friend, his student, his partner, to have a happy and fufilling life.

Caleb denying the offer in a silence, and disintegrating everything, the only thing that could have offered him a comfort of the past, to show that he's moved forwards, and Essek acknowledging it quietly.

The big Shadowgast moments? They're THERE. Not everyone is as loud with their intimacy and affection and care and love. Not every couple is for the big kisses, the loud confessions, declarations. Both Caleb and Essek are guarded, careful individuals.

And I know, I know, the friendship word. It's horrible, it's pride month, Liam keeps cutting off mlm representation with his characters, it's baiting, whatever. Say what you will say. But friendship does not, and has never, been an exclusive descriptor.

My wife might be one of the best friends I've ever had. I refer to her as my wife, but also my friend, and we may be life partners, but that doesn't stop me from trusting her with my life as both. And trust me, we ARE the loud romantic types.

Caleb has been through worlds of trauma and hurt, through friends, love, and sex alike. We all know this.

Essek is filled with paranoia and fear, any wrong move and he's on the chopping block where Trent could have been.

Caleb is a teacher at Soltryce Academy, a man offered a spot on the Assembly, a counsellor of a child and a hero as part of the Mighty Nein.

Essek is a war criminal, who is wanted for many crimes, known for betrayal of the Dynasty, and I can only imagine much worse.

Do you think Essek, so willing to sacrifice himself, so willing to drop everything for Caleb, would want to incriminate that name by his presence? Speak up? Say something?

Caleb has been the one to initiate almost every moment between them. The forehead kisses, touches, cheek kiss. All of that was Caleb. Essek never acts upon impulse regarding Caleb unless it is DIRE, and he feels active danger coming to harm Widogast.

Essek would know. Run all of the possible outcomes through his head. That was his entire life's work, remember? The endless possibilities? He would have run every bad ending over and over, Caleb being hurt, being hunted, blamed, defamed, ruined. Because of him. Being near him. Why would he ruin this for Caleb? He has a lifespan far, far shorter than Essek. Maybe 70 or so years left, which feels like but a speck to that of an elf. Why would he want Caleb to suffer MORE, in the short amount of time he has left with him?

He wouldn't!

But I don't think Caleb would agree either. He wouldn't give up, this was discussed too. He doesn't admit defeat easily. He would keep trying, I think. Stay with him. And there would be an unspoken love between them, I think. Knowing, acknowledging, hurting. Knowing that being together means absolute hell for the two of them, with Essek hiding, and Caleb's life expanding. Essek has too many personas at risk, and Caleb has a future ahead of him. Essek has an eternity, to Caleb.

And I know, a spell could have fixed it all. Essek could have changed himself to fit better with Caleb. He would get a free pass. But that's not the point! Essek wants to be able to live with his sins and free himself at his own pace. Caleb would have been willing, but they had a whole discussion about how they wouldn't change anything - past or future. About moving forward. Essek wouldn't just.. take a free pass out. Not after that.

I think it was fitting for them. Life partners, unspoken but known. Friends. Romantically or not, they loved each other in some way, made for each other. Saved each other, literally and metaphorically. Maybe they tried, but it wasn't meant to be.

Romance is... nice. Vagueness is horrid, and has a deep history of discomfort in the LGBT community. Especially when in line with being "friends." But in my opinion, there's no hiding that Essek and Caleb were intimate, and cared deeply for each other. They were by no means just friends. And I think both Liam and Matt know that, and I think they chose the perfect way to end it. I respect them and it.

And hey, even if they never became romantic, platonic relationships are important! Queerplatonic ones, too! It may not be the perfect wizard romance we wanted, or proper representation to those (rightfully, I feel) upset, but it doesn't make that form of love any less real or valid. I say this as an mlm person who desires representation of myself. I know I don't speak for us all, but my personal view is this.

We may be angry, or upset, or confused, or in grief. Representation does matter, and I completely agree! But ultimately, it is not our story to write, our characters to bend, or anything more. We can't will Liam into doing something he thinks does not fit the moment or character. Parasocial relationships need to meet a stopping point, for the player and the character.

And remember, most of Caleb's love life is... actually revealed by Liam out of game! The Jester crush, his attraction to Essek at all, Blumentrio. Caleb is just not open about it.

And to that, I say a final note of thank you, to the Mighty Nein. Long may you all reign. Don't forget to love each other.

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Her Minor Thing (Henry Cavill x Reader)

Summary: things are going so well between you’re and Henry, you just need to confess one tiny little thing: You’re a virgin. At 28 years of age.

Author’s Notes: this was requested by an anon who wanted Henry finding out his girlfriend was a virgin on her late twenties.  I feel like I should say that I truly believe virginity is a social construct that shouldn’t have so much power in the lives of women. With that said, I know it can have heavy weight in several cultures, especially in religious contexts. So I drew this from my own Latin background and I had especifically a latin!reader in mind for this. Feedback is always greatly appreciated.

Wordcount: 3875

Warnings: smut (oral, fingering, unprotected sex)

As much as she hated to use such a cliché turn of phrase, he did stand out like a sore thumb. Not only he was one of the few men in a crowd women, but the way he lingered at the back, tall and broad-shouldered, hoodie pulled over his head and sunglasses covering his eyes while inside the small and cramped bookstore, just managed to pull her focus to him.

He was trying so hard to blend in, but everything he did, undermined his efforts. She wondered why bother to come to a reading of an erotica novel if you were going to be like that as if it was something to be ashamed of. She hated that sort of behavior because she never wanted to feel her books were something to embarrassed about. She was very proud of the moderate success she achieved writing them.

So, she made sure to keep her voice loud and clear as she read through the except chosen. A very steamy sex scene between the two protagonists. And while she did it, she kept her attention squarely on the man in the back, watching as he shifted his stand every so often, the sculped cheekbones taking a bright shade of pink at every word that passed her lips. And even though she couldn’t see his eyes, she knew he was staring right back at her.

The world seemed to fall away and it was like she was reading it just to him, whispering the dirty deeds that populated her mind straight into his ear. She shifted in her own seat and cleared her throat, gaze returning to the page because even though half of his face was hidden by the shade of his hoodie and the dark lenses of his glasses, she knew he was a gorgeous man.

Throughout the Q&A, her eyes kept flitting to him against her will, hoping that he would say something, grace her with the sound of his voice. She bet he had a smooth, velvet-like baritone that would feel like a caress to her ears. However, he stayed disappointingly quiet and by the time of the signing section, he had disappeared from view.

It was a little disheartening since she quite enjoyed watching him the entire afternoon, but there were people waving books in front of her and asking for pictures and the mysterious man quickly slipped from her mind until the very end, when tired and with a sore wrist, another book was pushed in her line of sight, the pages yellowing and cramped from being read way too often.

“Who should I make it to?” she asked, without looking up.

“Henry.” His voice was low and rumbling, sending a thrill to her spine and when her gaze finally met his, a gasp escaped her lips and comprehension downed. The real reason why he was trying to hide. “I love your books.”

“Really?” It was all she managed, her voice squeaky with shock and he chuckled.

“Yes.” His smile was gorgeous, and her heart skipped a beat. She was full of clichés today. “And I would very much like to discuss them with you, but…” he looked around, wetting his lips and her breath caught in her throat. “Maybe in a more intimate setting.”

Before she even considered the implications, she scribbled down her number right bellow the autograph and Henry’s smile widened as he pulled the book back and nodded his goodbye.

She didn’t think she would actually hear from him again. He was, after all, a world-famous actor and she was an author of a mildly popular erotica series. However, that night, Henry did call and they met from dinner and spend the night talking and laughing, and here they were, one month later, an unlikely couple as the pressed liked to say.

She and Henry fit on all the things that mattered. They were both very passionate about their work, but very devoted to each other. He was very insightful about her books and she was very honest about his parts. They were both goofs and geeks and she hadn’t been this happy in a relationship in a very long time.

With the exception of that one minor thing that she had been struggling to come clean about from the moment she noticed this thing with Henry was turning more serious than she thought it could ever be.

“Henry, babe?” she called, voice trembling with hesitation. “We need to talk.”

Those were never good words to hear in a relationship and she definitely didn’t feel good about saying them because she had no idea how Henry would react, but she this thing had been eating away at her each passing day Henry proved to be everything she could ever want in a man. She knew it was time to come clean.

Knowing that didn’t make it any easier and for a moment she considering just not telling him at all. Just let things proceed like they had been doing, but in the back of her mind, she would feel like she was deceiving Henry and she loved him too much to do that. So, it was time to buckle up and tell the truth, no matter how embarrassing it might be.

“Should I be worried?” he asked, blue eyes shining with doubt as Henry looked away from the script he had been studying and met her uncertain gaze.

“No,” you replied, biting your lip and working up the guts to say it.

Who knew confessing to a man she was a virgin would bring her so much trouble? Usually, she didn’t bother to say it. In her past experiences, whenever a guy got a hint of this fact, they suddenly got this predatorial glint in their eyes, like she had suddenly become a territory to lay claim. Either that or they would question how she might have made it to 28 years old without having sex. Regardless of what their approach was, it turned things awkward or right down disgusting and she ditched them as fast as she could.

However, things had been different with Henry. He was patient and gentle and kind, never pushing her farther than she was ready to go and never looking bothered by the wait. In the month they’ve been together, he hadn’t complained once that the farthest he got with her was a messy halfway handjob over his trousers.

“You know I come from a very catholic family, right?” she started, twiddling her thumbs, and Henry nodded.

He had met her grandmother after all. Abuela had loved Henry because he was so polite and a perfect gentleman, but he was terrified of the woman. To be fair, she was terrified of her Abuela too. A woman that raised two children by herself and put them all through college working as a caretaker was a force to be reckoned with.

“Well, I sort of made a promise to her when I was 13,” she said, tasting blood on her tongue. She bit on her lip so hard she just broke through the skin.

“Does that promise has something to do with waiting until marriage to have sex?” Henry asked, one eyebrow cocked, and a tiny smile on his lips as she stared at him in shock. “My Spanish might be a little better than I let on.”

“So, you knew? This whole time?”

“I didn’t want to push you into telling me or doing something you weren’t comfortable with.” He shrugged, before taking her hand and entwining their fingers. “I love you, you know? And I want to be with you for you not because of sex, so I don’t care if we don’t do it.”

“That’s sweet,” she smiled at him and squeezing his hand. “But I want to do it. I… uh… I want to have sex. With you.”

“Love,” Henry started, a hint of hesitation in his voice as he met her eyes. “I think you should keep your promise.”

“Wait, what?” All she could do was stare. All of the possible scenarios she had envisioned this conversation ending, this wasn’t one of them. “You want me to keep my promise… Henry, are you not attracted to me? Don’t you want to…”

He cut her off by catching her lips in a heated kiss. One hand behind her nape, holding her still, the other still holding her hand as he pushed past the seam of her lips, tongue tangling with hers. That was all it took for her to feel her body responding, arousal pooling in the pit of her stomach.

“Trust me, I definitely want you,” he mumbled against her mouth, bringing her hand to the prominent bulge in his pants and sucking on her pouty lower lip. “You have no idea how you drive me crazy with those little dresses and tiny shorts.”

“Oh!” she smiled, rubbing him through his jeans to make Henry grunt. “So, what’s the problem? Let’s just get this over with.”

“I made a promise of my own,” Henry said, pulling away from her. “To your Abuela.”

“What?” she looked at him with wide eyes, wondering exactly when could Henry had made such a promise to her.

“She showed up in the set the day after our dinner together,” he confessed with a grimace. “She loves you very much, you know? And she wanted to make sure I wasn’t just after…”

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, face flaming in shame. She could not believe her grandma would do this. “I’m so sorry, Hen. I can’t believe…”

“It’s ok.” He offered her a reassuring smile, bringing her knuckles to his lips and pressing a soft kiss against them. “I thought it was very sweet of her and yes, I did promise to be respectful of your virtue.”

She let out a snort of laughter, shaking her head. The entire thing was a completely new level of absurd, but what could she do?

“So no sex?” she asked, unable to keep the disappointment off her voice. Henry grinned.

“No sex,” he replied, tugging her closer until she was on his lap. “Doesn’t mean we can’t do other things, though.”

“What other things?” she asked, once again biting her lip, but this time it was with expectation and excitement and Henry’s smile turned absolutely filthy.

“How about I show you?” he pulled her close for a kiss, his hands falling to her ass to grind her against his waking erection.

---

Her chest felt tight, her lungs barely managing to expand enough to gather oxygen under the constriction of her white dress. She was dizzy, half of it was excitement, the other half the effects of all the sparkling wine she consumed that night. One of the happiest of her life.

Henry’s fingers slowly worked the row of buttons on her back, pulling them out of the little cases as he kissed and nipped at her neck, dragging small giggles and shivers out of her, which he replied with throaty chuckles, his thick fingers less than coordinated against the small pearl buttons.

“You look stunning,” he whispered against her temple, making her smile. “But you’ll look even better without this dress. Can I just rip these fucking buttons?”

“No!” she exclaimed, batting his hands away.

He had undone most of the higher ones, which she usually struggled with, so it was just a matter of working the lower buttons, which she could do it without looking. She wanted to keep the dress along with all the memories of this day.

Once the last button was undone, she pushed the straps off her shoulders, letting the dress pool around her ankles in a sea of tulle and silk while she stood in her white lace underwear, garter belt, and stockings.

Henry’s gaze was dark and heavy as it traveled over her curves, the blue of his iris sudden deeper than before, his chest heaving beneath the crisp white shirt of his tuxedo as he finally returned his eyes to hers and smirked.

“I told you, you would look better without it,” he said, coming closer and lifting her from the circle of her skirts and into his arms. “Wife.”

“Husband.” She grinned at him, heart thundering in her chest.

It had been a year since she met Henry. So little time, but she couldn’t picture spending even a second without him. Most of their friends and family thought they were moving too fast, but what was the point in waiting when she knew she found the man she would love for the rest of her life? She was just glad Henry thought the same.

He settled her in the middle of the bed, kneeling between her legs as he contemplated her. There was lust in his eyes, yes. They had been waiting for this moment for too long. There was also that familiar shine that she had grown to associate with love and it never failed to make her breath catch in her throat and warmth spread through her chest, her affections clear in her smile as Henry leaned closer, his lips meeting hers for a sweet kiss.

“If you’re not sure just yet…” he offered, tone careful and she chuckled.

“Honey, I think we’ve waited long enough.” She brushed her fingers over his smooth cheek and jaw, smiling up at him. “I want this. I want you.”

He smiled too, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, before he straightened up again, undoing his bowtie, shirt, the cummerbund, finally his trousers. She had seen Henry in several states of underdressed before, both in person and in movies and tv shows. However, there was something about watching him undressing for her, on their wedding night, that just set her heart racing, made butterflies flutter in her belly, and heat rush through her veins. This was all hers. He was all his.

Other people might admire from afar and wish they could have Henry. They could even play pretend with him for the cameras, but this? That hooded stare and parted lips sucking a desperate breath as he pushed his boxers down, freeing his cock? That was hers and hers alone.

She sat up, letting her hand explore the plains of his chiseled chest; fingers running over the coarse chest hair, moving lower as they followed their path to the bush of nesting around his shaft, still only half-hard, but slowly coming to full erections as she stroked him. Her thumb brushed against the head, gathering the pre-cum and smearing it over his thick and generous length, enjoying the tiny little grunts escaping his lips as Henry threw his head back and thrust against her fist.

“Fuck! That feels good,” he sighed, blinking down at her. “But you know what will feel even better?”

Instead of answering with words, she shifted her position, laying on her stomach, head coming to face his cock, and Henry groaned combing his fingers through her soft curls as she looked up at him through her lashes. They had touched each other and even came to completion rubbing against one another, but she had never done this.

Her tongue snaked out, running up his hot head and he sighed again, gripping tightening only slightly as she tasted him, her nose scrunching up at the flavor. She ran her tongue over the vein on the underside of his cock and Henry groaned.

She might be inexperienced, but she knew what she was doing. She wrote plenty about it and from the dirty things she whispered in his ear while watching him jerk off, she knew what Henry would like.

She wrapped her lips around his head, sucking lightly and Henry sat back on his heels, hand holding onto the duvet to keep himself from thrusting into the delicious heat as she took him inch by inch into her mouth, her nails digging on the muscle of his thigh as she steadied her breathing and paused as his head brushed the back of her throat.

“Fuck!” he hissed, meeting her doe eyes as she stared up at him, mouth stretched wide with his girth, cheeks hollowed as she sucked hard, bobbing her head up and down on his length.

Part of her wanted him to come on her tongue, discover what he would taste like, but they would have time for that. Right now, she wanted to feel him stretching her cunt just as he had done with her mouth.

Just the thought of it was enough to make that ache between her legs increase. She pressed her thighs together against the wetness gathering on her panties. Pulling back from his cock, she gasped for breath and brushed off the saliva dripping off the corner of her lips before she met Henry’s hungry stare.

She had seen that look before, the desperate want in his eyes as they went a little too far and had to stop and regain control of themselves so to keep their promises. Not tonight, though. Tonight, they didn’t need to stop themselves.

Kneeling in front of him, she let Henry pull her forward, claim her lips for a wild kiss that was all teeth and tongue and made that ember in her center burn bright, the flames growing and licking the rest of her nerves-ends as his fingers dipped into her panties, stroking her folds and spreading her juices.

Henry swallowed her keening cries in a kiss as he pushed two fingers, working her loose and driving her to the edge. The heel of his hand pressing down on her mound, rubbing her clit, his other hand playing and teasing her breasts, pinching and pulling at her nipples until she was quaking in desperation and making her see stars as her first orgasm washed through her.

“You’re going to feel so fucking good around my cock,” he said against her lips, as she recovered from the brink of her pleasure, heaving and shaking against his torso, his fingers still buried inside her cunt while her walls pulsed and quivered, squeezing him tight.

“Henry...” she whimpered, meeting his eyes. “Can I be on top?”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” she nodded.

Maybe it was the high of endorphins, but she didn’t feel nervous at all. She had wanted this for so long, pictured it in so many different ways, positions, and results, but in the end, she just wanted to become one with Henry.

Pushing him back until he was lying down, she got to her knees and reached for the clasp holding her stockings, but Henry caught her hand, making her stop.

“Leave them on?” he asked with a smirk. “You look so hot like that. My pretty little virgin, all in white.”

“Ok,” she smirked at him, straddling his stomach, rubbing her covered slit over his erection, making Henry feel the mess of fluids he left behind when he made her cum in her panties. “Is this how you want it, babe?” she asked, pushing the fabric aside so she could bring his cock to her entrance.

“Yes,” he grinned, grip tightening over her thighs as she rubbed his tip over her folds. “Fuck, you already feel so good.”

Oh, so very slowly, she sunk on his cock. Henry was huge, she knew from the very beginning. She knew it might hurt because he was so big, but she didn’t expect it to be like this. The burning discomfort as he stretched her cunt, making tears prick on the corner of her eyes, her fingers digging on his abs.

“Breathe, love,” Henry encouraged, rubbing soothing circles on her thighs, the little frown of worry deepening as he watched her face scrunching up and listened to her low whines. “You’re doing so good, we’re almost there.”

She paused once he was fully sheathed in her heat, her walls tightening around him almost painfully as she rested against his chest, trying to adjust to the intrusion. Cheek pressed against his heartbeat, as Henry ran his fingers up and down her spine, making her shiver and melt against him as she relaxed.

“I think I’m ready,” she spoke after a few moments, the discomfort receding and leaving one the alien feel of being so full. “You can move.”

“You’re sure?” he asked, thumb under her chin, making her look up. “We can wait.”

“I’m sure, Hen,” she smiled at him and he nodded, slowing rolling his hips and she gasped as she could feel his ridges and veins rubbing against her walls, creating delicious friction.

Henry took his time to pick up his pace, listening to her noises to guide him through it, bringing her lips to his to distract her from any leftover discomfort as he started broadening his movements, pulling almost all the way out to push back in, making her mewl against his mouth as she grew so wet again, her hips rocking back against his.

“How does it feel?” he asked with a smirk, the bliss out the expression on her face answer enough, but Henry wanted to hear her.

“So, fucking good,” she gasped, raising her torso and starting to bounce on his cock, meeting his thrusts. “Don’t stop.”

With a grin, Henry increasing his speed, meeting her thrust for thrust until she was panting and moaning, her head throwing back, one hand on his chest for support, the other on her breasts pulling them out of the lace of her bra so she could play with them.

“Harder,” she whimpered, lower lip between her teeth and Henry complied, snapping his hip up in salvage thrusts as she cried out, a wide smile in her lips especially when he brought his thumb between them, working her clit.

She could feel the building pleasure in her center again, all-consuming, pushing all thoughts aside from her mind except the desperate need for release. Her entire body felt taut and tense in expectation as the tendrils of ecstasy started growing and spreading, taking hold of everything until she was pulled too tight and, like an elastic band, it snapped and she came with a shout of Henry’s name.

Blood rushed through her ears, stars busted behind her lids. Her entire body felt surrounded by static and each touch of his skin against hers seemed to drag out her high even longer and she couldn’t focus on anything else. She felt sleepy and boneless as Henry kept fucking her, chasing his own release, his grunts barely registering in her foggy mind.

Not until he stilled again, groaned her name, pulling her tight against him and she could feel his cock pulsing and twitching inside her; the warmth of his cum coating her walls it strange but arousing the thought of having Henry so deep inside her.

They stayed wrapped together, catching the breath and recovering from their highs when Henry spoke:

“Aren’t you glad we waited?”

“Not really,” she giggled, tilting her head to look at him. “We could’ve been doing this for the last 11 months.”

“True,” he chuckled, bending down for a kiss. “Guess we have to make up for the lost time, then.”

“Good thing we have two weeks all to ourselves,” she said. “And we’re not leaving this bedroom.”

“Yes, Mrs. Cavill.”

xxx

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[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

hello~ i saw you’re taking fluff ABC requests! can i get comte with C H J L S Y please? i hope thats not too much (if it is then just the first 3 will be fine), thank you!!! :)

Hiya friend! You absolutely may, not to worry, I love writing about Comte!! You’re very welcome, and I hope you enjoy my rambles :D 💖💖💖 Below a cut for length!

Fluffy ABC headcanons listed here for requests!

C = Cuddling (how does he like to cuddle?)

His favorite way to cuddle tends to be with her in his lap in any permutation of that position. Usually she’s sitting on his thighs with her legs over the arm of a chair/on the other side of the couch, or she’s all curled up between his legs (she feels guilty about being too heavy and making his legs fall asleep, no matter how much Comte protests). She’ll lean against his chest and close her eyes, or hug him around his shoulders and snuggle close to his neck while he wraps his arms around her waist. From time to time his hand might fall to her thigh, stroking gently, or he might drop a kiss to her forehead/shoulder--anywhere he can reach, really. Either way, it’s a very comfortable position for both of them; he’ll always have a blanket ready to drape over her in the winter time since she often falls asleep that way. He loves it because he can watch over her and soak in some quality time at his leisure, no demands being made of him and no chaos to resolve. Just the quiet, the crackle of a hearth/fire perhaps, and the rhythmic sound of her breathing--beating heart steady. She’s safe, she’s warm, she’s cherished, and she’s content; what more could he ask for? (She loves it too because she just loves being wrapped up in the scent of him and in his arms, falls asleep so readily because of how comforted she feels ;-;).

He also loves having her legs around his hips when she’s in his lap--but that usually leads to sexy times, and this is fluff hour, my darlings ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

H = Holding Hands (when/how does he like to hold hands?)

Literally the only time this man would ever say no to hand-holding is when he has to actively use his hands for something else. (Basically sees her empty hand and sees his own empty hand and is just the “Is for me? 👉👈” meme). Otherwise he would die before saying no. That being said, he tends to be pretty practical and chill about it. Out on the town? Likes to hold her hand to keep her close, likes showing off his favorite person in the world, loves the feel of her hand against his own--warm. (From time to time his thumb will drift to her fluttering pulse along her wrist and he’ll sigh blissfully; it reduces his terrifying intrusive worries about losing her suddenly to mere background noise.) 

Usually it’ll just be her hand in his, but when it comes to sexy times he’s more partial to their fingers being intertwined ;)

J = Jokes (does he like to joke around with or prank her? how?)

Okay but this one made me laugh, only because my first thought was “he’s a clown s2g”. What I mean to say is that he’s a huge tease; really enjoys gently flustering his love. He’d never cross boundaries or do anything appalling, but he will ask her to do things that make her bashful because he thinks it’s absolutely adorable/endearing to see her out of sorts. Seduction is the name of his game, and he intends to see both of them have fun along the way (he’s a lovable rascal). Will ask her to undress him after a long day to enjoy the blush on her cheeks in the privacy of their room, or ask her to kiss him goodbye at the door if he has to go into town to run an errand. They will be simple little requests, or even observations sometimes~

One surefire way to surprise him/get him back though is to respond to his teasing with utterly serious love--it makes him freeze in his tracks every single time. If she anticipate his moves, he will be completely baffled for a moment. For example, say it’s his usual tea time and he’s really absorbed in his work (or he’s pretending to be). “MC would you mind--” Be one step ahead of him, hold that macaroon up to his lips like “Don’t worry, sweetheart, leave it to me--say ah~” And he will literally scream internally and die; he won’t ever see it coming. 

Note: this will lead to rigorous love-making in one way or another (either that moment or later that night) so be forewarned if she seeks to thwart him HAHA 

Beyond that, though, I think he and his MC are also a naturally light-hearted couple; they find fun wherever they are and joke around easily. Whether that means teasing each other, or just snickering over puns/nonsense.

L = Love (how does he show her he loves her?) Take two! I did another one with a different spin on it without realizing because I’m literally too in love with him to stop

If I’m honest? I think Comte’s biggest indicator of genuine, abiding love is vulnerability. He is always overcompensating, always acting to make other people comfortable; always a little too giving. If MC can encourage him to be greedy, to let down his guard with her--to be less than polished and perfect and magnanimous to the point of self-silencing--that is the greatest way he can show love. It means he trusts her to see him for all that he is, hiding nothing, and isn’t afraid that doing so will mean losing her forever. People can rely on him too much, ask for too much, and while he does love answering people’s needs and seeing them happy, at the end of the day he can neglect himself sometimes. She coaxes him out of his protective isolation slowly by showing him that he’s safe and loved even when he gets a little needy for affection, a little needy for reassurance. When she shows him that he’s still adorable and sweet and precious when he asks for help, he is like putty in her hands. Fair warning to MC though--if she does this she better be prepared to be spoiled tenfold in return; he can’t help himself!

S = Secrets (how open is he with her?)

Comte is a slow burn through and through my friends; he needs time to really open up. It’s not that he thinks MC will betray his trust or regard him with indifference; rather, he doesn’t have much confidence others will like him in his more vulnerable state. (And honestly, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if people have toyed with his weaknesses in the past. Yes, Vlad, I’m looking at you.) He just assumes he’s a lot of baggage, that the truth of who he is and how he thinks is just too depressing. He tends to hide his more overwhelming feelings and loneliness, tends to hide what he wants; he doesn’t want to impose on others or burden them. That being said, if one pays attention to his tells, if she shatters the illusion of his composure with confident concern, he will begin to share what he’s thinking more and more. He will give up the facade slowly, reach out to her more consistently as she offers him a safe, sensitive place to rest. (I feel like his biggest indicator is sudden silence: if he doesn’t know what to say it’s usually because he’s either caught off guard or overwhelmed by emotion, and he needs a second to conceal it). 

I don’t think he’ll ever be completely open with his feelings like that in any kind of public setting. He needs the comfort of privacy, the truth of who he is hers and hers alone; it is a privilege that belongs to his beloved. He will share bits and pieces of himself outside, snapshots of what he’s truly like, but the entirety of his selfhood will be concealed only between them two. 

Y = Yes (how would he propose to her?)

Haha, this will actually come up in his MS and a future event, so look forward to it! But there are some big points to hit home when it comes to his proposal process. 

First and foremost, he doesn’t give a single fuck what others think. He considers marriage and everything that comes with it secondary to the truth that lies between him and his cherished one. Does she want to stay by his side, and is she ready for that level of commitment? Before he ever goes public with the depth of their ties, he needs to know that they are on the same page without equivocation in private. And more importantly, what her comfort zones are. Does she even want marriage? Does she want it to be a public affair, or would she prefer less fanfare? How does she want to go about this?

He thinks marriage in and of itself is a cheap promise for eternal creatures; it’s too lodged in social convention and cultish religious tradition to mean squat to him. He will take their bond seriously, and he will absolutely respect her feelings about marriage, but he wants something more timeless and equal between them--something not easily severed. He will wait as long as he needs to for her to be ready for that. Marriage to him is more of a universally acknowledged symbol of their union; a way for other people to recognize that they’re devoted to someone else, and a way for him to express deep romantic feeling openly. As long as he knows at the end of the day that they’ll always be together on their own terms, side by side, that’s really all that matters to him.

His proposal will begin in private; it will be an intimate, fairly solemn moment between them. Is she ready to become a vampire’s bride? Can she accept that kind of future, and everything that comes with it? He doesn’t want her to be socially pressured by a crowd or even himself and the other residents of the mansion--he wants this to be her choice and vow, through and through. This isn’t about getting her to agree, this is about gauging where she is emotionally. If she needs more time to be sure, he’s happy to give it (but when he proposes he will have paid very careful attention to her potential receptivity; it is unlikely he would jump the gun and risk frightening her).

He will take her to a little church at midnight, well into the darkest hours of the night. Each breath will hang like a whisper in the air, swallowed by the cool and amplified by the quiet. He will try to provide a dress for her, but if she’s partial to one she already has, he won’t protest (he will just pout because he LIVES to buy her dresses and this is a special occasion, one he intends to remember forever ;-;). He’ll take a moment at the altar where a ceremonial binding would usually happen, and pause. 

He looks more serious than usual, his expression penetrating. He’ll take her hands in his own, squeeze them gently as her gaze finds his. The silence is gentle, but anticipatory--charged with what’s to come. He speaks slowly and softly.

“I’ve asked you before, but I’m going to ask one more time, here and now; a vow between us. Will you stay by my side, a vampire’s bride, for as long as this life gives us? Will you marry me someday?”

They’ve talked about the prospect before, and she’s already proved her mettle--she has expressed no intention of letting him go. Even if that means becoming like him in the future to stay together, even if that means facing the grief of losing human friends and family. She knows what it means to agree to this bond, and she’s thought it through; she knows this is what she wants. She dreads a future devoid of his presence so much more than any necessity to forfeit her mortality.

“Of course I will,” her answer is equally soft but firm, every bit the woman he fell in love with; sensitivity lined with steel. 

The next second she’s leaping into his arms and he laughs, melting into the delight of her certainty, relieved to know he isn’t alone (and won’t be alone ever again), more in love than he ever thought he could be. He holds her tight for a moment before letting go, pressing a kiss to her left ring finger--one he fully intends to adorn with a proper ring of his choosing (he was having it made to suit her so it would take a little longer to be ready, one of a kind).

That being said whenever she’s ready (or wants) to have a public ceremony, he’s ready with bells on! He will listen very, very carefully to the customs she recognizes as binding and the kind of wedding she wishes for, and will essentially ensure that the process reflects a balance of their mutual desires (as always, leaning into what she wants a little more). He’s also a hopeless romantic, so despite his private feelings about marriage, he will enact all the cute little traditions he’s picked up along his long, long life that express earnest wishes/prayers for a bride's happiness. If it makes her smile--and sometimes cry happy tears--then he thinks it simply makes all those years he waited for her to enter his life worth it.

[ifthiswingscouldfly]

Hi sweetie! I saw you were doing matchups and was wondering if you could do one for me? 😊

Appearance: I have long reddish brown hair and green eyes. I am quite tall (177cm or 5 feet 9) and I have an hourglass figure. I also wear glasses.

Mbti/zodiac: ENFJ/ virgo

Things I love: learning new things, traveling and adventures

Things I hate: cold weather, boredom and ignorant people

Hobbies: acting, singing, volunteering (mostly at youth and kids clubs) , reading and working out/ going to the gym

Pet peeves: eating with mouth open and snoring (I'm a very light sleeper 🙈)

Turn offs: arrogance and if they are way too overprotective (I'm quite independent and need my freedom)

Love languages: physical touch and quality time

Thank you in advance and I hope you have a wonderful day! ❤️🌸

Thank you @miraclesilverlining for your request 💕

Enjoy ❤.

"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"

I've decided to match you with....

💚 Issac Newton 💚

☆ How you both attracted to each other?

- Issac was fascinated by your personality since the first day you come to the mansion.

- He was watching you talking about your time and how this affected on you when you travel from your time to another time.

- You were surprised that Issac Newton still alive after all this time so you start to ask him about his life and what is the reason for him to become a vampire.

- You were curious about his life until he told you that he doesn't trust anyone.

- Feeling sad about what just happened you told yourself that you shouldn't interfere of anything about him.

- But you couldn't resist him at all.

- You told yourself to befriend him and you started to discuss physical equation with him and Theories about the universe.

- At this point Issac felt comfortable around you and he started to open up slowly telling you how much he is lonely.

- He was insecure about everything his height، his character and when you know that you start to reassure him that he is the best and you wouldn't leave him alone.

☆ What's your zodiac/mbti say about your relationship?

Virgo×Capricorn

- This couple complete each other.

- They both are practical and smart so it wouldn't be so hard to trust each other.

- Virgo and Capricorn are a sweetly matched pair that can become wholly devoted to one another.

- Neither wants a fly-by-night affair and will instantly pick up on the earthy depth as promising for a long-term relationship.

- Both need the reassurance of respect.

- Both find loyalty and enduring love a big draw.

- Virgos can't resist Capricorn's charm.

- Capricorn find virgo loyal and trustworthy.

☆ MBTI:

ENFJ×INTP

- INTPs and ENFJs may be different, but they work well in balancing each other.

- INTPs are more easygoing and logical.

- while ENFJs are more emotionally connected and organized.

- INTPs can help ENFJs see new possibilities when making decisions.

- ENFJs can help INTPs stay on track and achieve big goals.

- I can see that the only conflict may face you both is boredom.

- While ENFJs need a romantic partner INTPs doesn't really care about this stuff.

- They may work well if INTPs take care of ENFJs in a romantic way this may help them together.

- Also ENFJs need to give INTPs some time alone.

- I can see this two conflict during your relationship with Issac.

- That he should be more romantic and fun and you should give him some time alone.

☆ Dating headcanons:

This one includes NSFW and SFW

1) SFW headcanons:

- Stargazing need I say more.

- He would invent a telescope and take you at night to stargaze together.

- If the weather were cold he will cuddle with you in his room، spreading lots of butterfly kisses on your forehead، nose and your lips.

- Or if he have a work at the university he will take you there with him.

- Once he was at his desk writing essay and you were setting reading and waiting until he finish his work and you couldn't hold yourself feeling the warmth of the fireplace near to you. falling asleep slowly Issac was staring at you.

- After that he talk a blanket that was in his office wrapping it around you kissing your forehead slowly to not waking you up.

- Cooking with Issac are really sweet experiment and you both had fun that night.

- He will take you to a tour around Paris.

- Since he is a professor in his college he would travel to Oxford for his work and you were really excited to see 19th century Oxford.

- It was a long night when you both traveled on a train in one another embrace.

2) NSFW headcanons:

- Where to start M where?! Oh here.

- Probably you both made love in the train.

- Issac didn't have many relationships after turning into a vampire.

- But he isn't clueless about sex or intimate relationships.

- He have his own experiences before turning into a vampire.

- He love 69 position so much since he can hide his face and pleasuring his partner without getting shy or awkward.

- He wouldn't make lots of eye contact with his partner he prefer everything to be slow and sensual.

- While you're lying down on his bed he will spread your legs wide as much as he could.

- After feeling that you're close he will dive into you losing control of himself.

- Literally his moans are loud it is louder than you do.

- Also he is into French kisses. he will pull you to give you the hottest kisses ever.

- Hmm I can see him biting you quite a lot during love making.

- He know how to satisfy you well.

☆ Relationship headcanons:

- Being Issac's girlfriend you should handle Arthur and Dazai's teasing most of the time.

- He wouldn't really like the idea of you volunteering and helping the others because of the fact that he is afraid of you getting hurt or maybe someone wants to kidnap you. Like mc in every single route .

- He would like the idea of you acting in theatres with Shakespeare، also he would encourage you to become the best.

- You don't have to worry anymore when you feel cold because he will stay by your side and make you feel warm and safe in his arms.

- He is so sweet and warm.

- Possessive but not to the point that make him stalk you since he need alone time as I mentioned above.

- I can say that he would feel jealous when you start to help the suitors with their business.

- Will grab your arm taking you into the library then he will corner you between his arms، kissing you hungerly until you feel breathless.

-" Don't smile to another one except me would you?" he said. And here I'm crying in the corner of my room (ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣﹏ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣).

☆ Other possible match:

- Leonardo Da Vinci.

- William Shakespeare.

"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"

☆ Note:

- I'm really sorry for making you wait this long.

- I hope you find it interesting.

- I will start to write a one-shot that was on my old blog so I wouldn't open my ask box for now.

- Also I have some headcanons that I will publish soon.

- My ask box are colse for now.

- Have a nice day/evening💛💙.

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

[welcometomy20s]

January 10th, 2021

Action Button Review

Review

Tim Rogers reminds me of Hank Green. They are about the same age, they look about the same age which is a combination of young and old that feel eternal. They also have the same length of experience in writing in online spaces, interest in Japanese media, and apparently have Crohn’s disease? In summary, he might be the closest equivalent to Dave Green that exists in the real world. Well, I guess Dave Green is not apt, as Dave Green is not special in a way, while Tim Rogers is special, but his speciality comes from his failures rather than his counterparts' success.

Tim Rogers is a hypothetical Green brother who did not decide to publish that book. He’s a hypothetical Green brother who went to Japan instead of Alabama or Florida. Whose project crashed and burned rather than a surprise success. He’s forged in fire while the Green brothers are eroded by water. Both are wonderful people, but with a different ground of intensity and differing wealth of wisdom.

I encountered this series because I found a twitter post about a six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial, and a white middle-aged man talking about a dating sim for six hours with laudatory blurbs would always pique my interest, but since I didn’t know the guy, I went ahead and looked if he made other videos, and found he has four other review that were all about three hours or more. Now I knew that I had to watch all the reviews to prepare myself for this six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial.

Now, I wasn’t a stranger to three hour reviews of video games. I watched Joseph Anderson, Raycevick, Whitelight, matthewmatosis, and Noah Gervais-Caldwell. In fact, in the comments below Action Button Reviews, many people talked about a comparison to Noah Gervais-Caldwell (and Brian David Gilbert) and that was quite funny since I actually watched a recent Noah Gervais-Caldwell video.

His first two reviews were perfunctory, him opening himself up and trying out new things and polishing his review style, as he went through the Final Fantasy VII remake and The Last of Us. While I watched The Last of Us, I distinctly remembered and contrasted Noah’s The Last of Us Part 2 review with Tim Roger’s The Last of Us review. I liked Tim Roger’s defense of interactive movies (although he denies it!) contrasted with more cynical but ultimately positive connotation in Noah’s review. And Noah’s thesis pairs nicely with Tim’s observation that Ellie was the main protagonist all along. That fact makes Part 2 much more understandable, even the bad parts.

When I finished watch his first two reviews, I went ahead and also watched several of Tim’s videos on Kotaku, which were slightly shorter, the longest being just over an hour, which is a review of the best games in 1994, and does contain a short segment about Tokimeki Memorial, which his six hour review was my destination. To put in context, Tokimeki Memorial was #3. #1 was Earthbound, #2 was Final Fantasy VI, and #4 was Super Metroid. And I just watched a playthrough of Super Metroid basically on a whim, because it’s a monumental and a great game to play and watch.

And while the segment of the games that I knew to be great and monumental in my absorption of knowing video games was deeply personal and rightly claimed its stake that it deserved its spot, his segment of Tokimeki Memorial never got there. It was almost as if he was deliberately hiding behind something. In the end of 1994 review, Tim pitched an idea about a three hour Earthbound review, which probably was Tim’s idea of floating a departure from Kotaku, which would happen two months later, and I wonder if he was trying to deliberately throw a curveball by making a video of Tokimeki Memorial instead of the promised Earthbound review. This may be a far leap, I admit.

I went back and watched the video about Doom. It was much better in quality and in darkness. I was reminded of Film Crit Hulk’s writing of The World’s End and James Bond, another very long essay that was deeply personal and chapter for easier consumption. Few commenters noticed that Tim Rogers was just doing a dramatic reading of his written reviews on Kotaku and Action Button dot net, and how they liked that approach, and I found myself liking that approach as well. You might believe a video review needs more than just reading an essay out loud, but just the act of reading an essay out loud in the correct intonation and inflection adds ton to experience. And Tim Rogers sounds like he has decades worth of experience to present a dramatic reading of his essay very effectively, much like Hank Green.

I continued scaling the mountain to my goal. I went through his review of Pac-Man and was delighted by his reading of Namco games, and was impressed by the opening sequence, and just generally enjoyed it. I was getting excited to set a day aside and let the six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial watch over me and reduce me to dust.

And it sure did. That six hours was a harrowing experience. What Tim Rogers is best at is telling a story, and so to go through a let’s play was a wish I never made, fulfilled. In the end, I was left with nothing and everything. It was like finishing a really good book.

I wanted to watch it again, then again I never wanted to watch it again. It was almost a traumatic experience. Tim talked about there being endless variation of love, and the love Tim Rogers went through was not the fluffy yet melancholic one that I craved, but one akin to a devotion of an eldritch god. Love made in justification for one’s efforts in attending and maintaining a relationship. A love stronger than most kinds of love, but most draining and taxing as well. Tim Roger’s synopsis of Tennis Monster reminded me of Asking for It by Louise O’Neill, which is also about empathizing a quite hateable character because we kind of have to. Apparently one person knows the full plot because Tim Rogers rambled on about it as he was couch surfing in his house, and unbelieve as it usually is, I fully trust that the commenter is telling the truth.

I was like a heroin addict, who really wanted a different hit, like talking to friends or hiking, my mother wanted me to go hiking with her, and I didn’t because, after the pandemic started, all I wanted to be was inside. Outside felt diseased. The air outside felt contaminated to me, hard to breathe. I was stuck in this place.

Tim Rogers is an exceptional figure. He seems to be a movie protagonist, he reminds me of The Librarian, played by Noah Wyle. Tim has eidetic memory, as he has access every single autobiographical memory formed, but not other types of memory. We know that those types of memory are different because of people like Tim and people who are opposite of Tim, someone who has no memories of autobiographical memory but otherwise fine. These people tend to have very few emotions and have a hard time deciding things. Lack of emotions is correlated with difficulty in decision making.

So Tim is the opposite of that, Tim is full of emotions, complex emotions and he can make decisions and carry it out in a snap. He would be good at school, and he was, but he would be too focused on his grandeur to be under some authority, which is how he became who he was. His anti-authoritarian nature rings throughout his reviews, highlight the general Generation X vibe that Tim exudes but also the modern socialistic movement of Generation Z, which adds to this odd mix of old and new.

Not only does Tim have eidetic memory and intense work ethic that he never seems to move away from, therefore making a three hour video masterpiece at a clip that seems unbelievable for a seasoned viewer, he also has exceptional skills in fast math and language, he seems to be at least familiar with dozens of languages, and of course Tim’s experience is bounded by his decade of living in Japan.

I think this is why Tim naturally gravitates towards video games. When Tim says ‘welcome to video games’ there’s a natural supposition that Tim Rogers is the protagonist of video games, and I think he is. Tim wants to be in video games, because he needs to be in video games, instead of some almighty god cruelly deciding to plop him into a real life. He should be an video game adaptation of The Librarian and go on world-spanning adventure and romance impossibly beautiful girls instead of toiling the grime of what real life portends to. His life is dramatic, but impossibly mundane as well. It’s a simulacrum of a movie or a video game, which is pretty cool on its own.

But of course Tim Rogers isn’t the only part of Action Button Reviews. In the ensuing five videos, Tim Rogers tries to do something. Video games are a wide net. There is so much to video games, something like Gone Home and Geometry Dash are included alongside Wolfenstein The New Colossus and Farmville. What makes a video game? Actually, the more interesting question is, why do we have the term ‘video games’? Why do we put all of this mess into a single category, as if there is some throughline.

Tim Rogers starts to do that. Tim Rogers boldly states that things like Doom and Tokimeki Memorial are intimately connected to each other. And that all video games are in conversation with each other, through deep and complex meta-narratives. Tim Rogers is a cartographer, trying to map out how video games are made whole.

I’ve always strived to be that kind of a cartographer, to showcase the weave of reality, of connecting two seemingly unconnected parts, and showing to a profound implication both existing, instead of one or the other. If you don’t know, I have been trying to write something out of my current obsession with Virtual YouTubers, and mostly Hololive, and while I think I stumbled upon the six hour video review of Tokimeki Memorial outside of my interest in virtual YouTubers, this video, as I expected in the back of my head, gave me plenty of thoughts about Hololive. Its rumination of cyberpunk and idol culture is so directly connected with the peculiarities of Hololive that I was quite astounded.

From the very beginning, I wonder how Tim Rogers thinks about Hololive, especially after he has done that six hour review. I’m sure he will have a lot of interesting thoughts about the prospect. I want to get in contact with him, maybe work under him. But then I don’t want to hang out with him. I want to be near him as he talks to a crowd at a party, but I don’t feel safe to be near him when there’s less than ten people nearby. I think below ten, I would be swept in some danger that I won’t be prepared for.

Tim Rogers and Action Button Review is a fascinating review series and if you have the time, I suggest you should take the journey. It’s well worth it, just to get a different perspective on video games and the world around it.

[gilesian]

hello! ‘tis i with my unsolicited headcanon of the day: why is rupert giles so skittish about physical contact, whether it’s affectionate or casual? is he a prude? is he just British?

well, to me the answer is simple: trauma.

on screen we’ve seen him get knocked on the head more than what is likely healthy for a human being. played for laughs except for some occasions, but damn if that didn’t make a man go defensive over a looming presence.

then there’s the affectionate type of physical contact. he and jenny was a pair whose will-they-won’t-they could probably fuel a whole different series of its own. why? let me take you back to the roots of ripper giles, a punk who summoned a dream demon known for—get this—getting people high and orgies (even john constantine had never done this my god rupert what were you thinking). in buffyverse magic is often conflated with all sorts of addictions, and sex has a part in it as well (because otherwise why did we get so many, ah, intense willow/tara scenes?). so take that intention and apply a traumatic event on it: death of a good friend directly caused by hubris. what was once pleasure have become terror.

back to jenny, he tried something. they both tried. they started out well, and then fucking eyghon happened again just as they were about to become intimate with each other. i can’t imagine getting a kiss forced on him by the demon wearing your SO’s body is good for one’s psyche. it’s a known demon, too, one who’s killed people he cared about in the past.

onto the next thing is angelus. he killed jenny and put her on giles’s bed, scattered roses and put opera music on. i ain’t even going to dress this one up because fuck that. that is absolutely something designed to break a man. i’m glad giles had the chance to go berserk with a baseball bat. but this brings us to the torture angelus put him through. he could deal with physical pain, he could deal with kicks, cuts, broken bones and all. he was trained for this (and yes, i do believe watchers get trained for this too). so what did angelus do? attack the one thing that he knew would destroy him. with the great drusilla mindfuck he was once again forcefully kissed. these soft touches are not fun anymore!!!

the next we see him getting intimate with someone was with joyce in band candy—this can be argued endlessly but i’m of the camp where ‘everyone retained their identity although regressed into the ‘teen’ persona which might have been what they really were like when they were young or simply what they could have been had they been, you know, less repressed’. the aftermath is awkward for sure, but in the moment we saw how unfettered he really is and how much he enjoyed it. makes you kind of glad he’s grown some sense after, but also sad because it took getting drugged to make him comfortable with someone else touching him constantly.

the last, lamentable, doomed affair was olivia. i love her a lot, okay. she’s rivalling ethan in the minor characters i stan very very aggressively but olivia knew ripper. olivia let herself be picked up by this lily white boy at a dark bar somewhere in the 70s because he said he was a founding member of pink floyd. and they stayed in touch. this is debatable since we’ve never even heard of her before but you know, the show is called Buffy and not Giles for a reason, i’m just very impressed with the maturity of being able to maintain a what i will term fwb for ease for over two decades (ethan, take notes). but then of course she had to think twice about pursuing the relationship when horror came to steal voices. although i do i acknowledge with comfort that mutual respect begets mutual parting. (in restless he had a family with olivia. that imagery is another thing i need to dissect when i have the brains to. and also i dream of writing an olivia & ripper first meeting.)

the end note is this: giles isn’t a prude, he just doesn’t trust easily, especially not about these sort of things. he’s devoted his life for a cause at the cost of i guess pretty much everything. so... handle with care.