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#if you cant support me then fine i dont care
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Hi, Chekhov, I have a question for you. For artists like you, is patrons sharing your Patreon work ever a problem?
Yes.
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yelloworangesoda · 7 months
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gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this
#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me#‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds#im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing#life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something#i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore#i finished. and i hate it#i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here#i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant#it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them#i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just#didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore#ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better#idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu#but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years#and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!!#i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad#i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped#like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this#drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me#not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess#yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well.#i dont like to say the words#simons spouting#vent :(
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navramanan · 11 months
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Aquiring knowledge -> getting filled with frustration and anger and dread -> wanting to stay informed regardless -> aquiring knowledge -> getting filled with frustration etc etc
#i am fucking talking to the void and vallahi i WIIIIISSSHHHH i had a proper oulet to let out my frustration#but FFFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKK#nothing scarred me and showed me how fucking alone we were in our struggle and grief than the muslim world's reaction to rojava's invasion#in 2019. you know ok i know kurdistan gets little media coverage usually bc it's not relevant to american interest#but the invasion 2019 was HEAVILY covered by western media as it was the direct result of trump withdrawing the troops#and having a phone call with kerrrrrrrdogan saying hey you can invade now#so there was ZERO reason or possibility the muslim world wouldnt see what was happening#it was EVERYWHERE it got great western media coverage#but when i saw big muslim news accounts staying either silent OR siding with turkey i felt so fucking enraged and disturbed#and rejected. in turn there also werent individual muslims showing support as big crowds#like obv there were some here and there but not as a collective. they either sided with turkey or simply didnt care#you have to clock that. i cant say how many died but hundreds of thousands were displaced#turkey USED FUCKING WHITE PHOSPHORUS. WHICH IS A WAR CRIME. IT'S A CHEMICAL WEAPON#they literally said theyd create a strip of land to move syrian refugees there. arab refugees on kurdish land to change the demographic#and every fucking one went yeah that's fine nothing wrong with it. vallahi those people's plights are on you#and allah will ask. dont think he wont. while we were screaming for the muslim world to see us#they in turn pointed there fingers at us. said turkey was fighting terror. said they wouldnt hurt civilians#but what ever do you guys know what it's like to scream and scream but have no one bet an eye?#that's how i feel. that's how we kurds feel#man fuck off whatever i want to strangle someone#nesi rants
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mental illness is a rollercoaster and i want OFF
#shut up hanna#im like. im fine i actually am not mentally ill#i definitely dont have an eating disorder. i can have this *food i deem unsafe when deep in my ed*#and i eat it and im like see. i was faking#and then im panicking abt the fact that i can feel it in my body and i cant undo eating it#the fucking mental gymnastics im playing every god damn day#can it just be QUIET#and it sucks bc like. mental illness is becoming less stigmatized like depression/anxiety are taken very seriously as illnesses now#and its clear how prevalent they are in our generation#but no one relates to my degree of mental illness in my social circle.#like in my circle of supportive friends i have in person here. theres no one whos had an ed. theres no one with a mood disorder#theres no one with ptsd or cptsd. bpd. bipolar. none of it. and they care and theyre supportive. more than i deserve but#they dont Get It. like#dgmw theyve never been like. just eat its not hard. like they KNOW. but they dont understand why its as hard as it is for me#and like. this is a side thing but its kind of frustrating that every girl in the department (LITERALLY. all of them)#will say they have an ed like. im not gatekeeping or diagnosing its just. that's just not statistically possible yk#like. you can have severe body image issues. AND disordered eating. both of which are harmful and deserving of help#like when i told my roommate abt mine she was like. maybe i do too. and we talked for a looooong time abt it#and i knew she didnt but ill never invalidate someone. its just. its sometimes hard when ppl think they understand and they dont#(she also came to the conclusion she doesnt after talking w me abt mine and knowing im not even bad enough to be inpatient)#like i guess im glad in a way that what i deal with isnt the norm ? in the population yk. like#its good to know that what i deal with. bipolar and bpd and ptsd and my ed being the hardest to deal with. that they also#are like. not super duper common? like its kind of isolating but it is comforting to know that not everyone feels this shitty#all the time so stuff is way harder for me than other ppl lmao#anyway. i lost my train of thought
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hearties-circus · 2 years
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Most uncomfortable extra maths support period of my life g-ddammit
#gamer txt.#at max 5 of us show up right#3 of us showed up this time#and those other 2 were called down for the rest of the period#so it was just me and the teacher#being alone with just the teacher doing work as normal is fine being alone with just the teacher who Knows you need help isnt#it doesnt matter if i care or if i know or not. someone telling me im wrong and need help always always makes me tear up#and she decided to fucking sit next to me#listen im fine going to maths support classes#i draw the line at a tutor. i will cry and theres little to nothing i can do about that#and then she started asking me about how i usually did in maths. what did i get on my last test? 8/100?#do i know how id go about getting a better score?#can you fuck off please i dont want to talk about this anymore#do i study at home? NO i dont ok! i hate maths! i dont wanna do it in the comfort of my own home!#and its so embarrassing! doing sometjing im bad at it in school is ok bc we have to. everyone else is doing it too#doing it at home in my free time? to try to get better? and still struggling still failing ? just hit me itd hurt less#and plus my main issue is my memory#i cant even study at home bc i forget everything to do with school the second i leave#it doesn't return to me until sunday night if it even returns me#and if i do remember and go through past paper questions or fucking homeworks i dont understand them#and i dont remember where the lesson for them is#but the lessons dont make sense to me either so finding them wouldnt help me#but no one takes i forgot as a valid answer even if i explain so what does it fucking matter#why dont i ask for help? thats my business! thats personal! im not going to explain my fucking trauma to you#whether or not asking for help makes me feel like im going to be screamed at and cursed out doesnt matter. i cant do it#stop telling me to just do it! thats not possible!#just let me fail it doesnt matter i dont want to be doing maths anyways i dont care and i dont want to be here just let me fail#or kick me out the class! move me down a class! those are options i know they are my friends do nat 4 maths you can move me down#just. stop talking to me about it. i dont want to do maths anymore#it has single handedly gotten me to start making suicide jokes again
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snekdood · 3 months
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my problem with utilitarianism is clearly displayed in "the ones who walk away from omelas", because I think when people are like "yeah that one kid deserves to suffer for the greater good"-- they're really showing their ass for not having a whole lotta empathy and also that they are unphased by the behavior of the average citizens AND that they don't truly value equality. and yeah, its the same as the trolley problem, but imagine with me- you have the choice to save one jewish person or 5 neo nazis. I kinda think there are lots of times where the benefit of the many isn't as important as it is for the few. just like with taxes. sure it's annoying for some people, but people who rely on government assistance also deserve to live and thrive. i'd much prefer a world where everyone equally shares somewhat in suffering rather than one singular person-- how can you not see how fucked up that is?
#how are you not horrified by the citizens who continue to live there#i really dont give af if they wanna pretend they live in heaven or eden or whatever the fuck. i think they'll be fine if they dont eat#bountiful amounts of grapes daily like a fat greek king passively watching gladiators kill eachother#if you're fine with this situation I have to assume you also hate taxes and dont care who it helps (the most vulnerable in our communities)#and that you see it as somehow better to save the 5 neo nazis vs the one jewish person which. I cant fathom.#you gotta be hugely lacking in empathy if thats the case. and also maybe dumb.#bc the neo nazis will likely just turn around and kill you#but oh at least 5 of the worst people lived vs someone who is at worst neutral#its why that one post someone made about omelas on here didn't sit right with me.#you really truly actually think that one kid suffering is somehow better for humanity?#personally I think it reveals a dark sickness hidden deep within humanity.#and you supporting it... makes me questionable of you...... and also makes me think you should never hold substantial power#if you think your happiness and well being is more important than someone else's you've lost the plot- esp to THAT degree.#its nice i ... guess that you tell the kid that he deserves to be angry about it. but. you're really gonna stand by that it was for the#greater good? really? truly?#the kid can barely function or interact with people and doesnt know how to take care of himself but its fine bc at least these other#shitty people get to pretend they live in heaven#yeah I really dont think I care if their quality of life slightly decreases if it means this kids life gets to be better.
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t4tdanvis · 11 months
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when you go from having a nice little found family to one parent being emotionally abusive and the other not fully rejecting that behavior.
dante goes from "yay! yippee!" to "ok i think im gonna kill myself now"
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cinnamon girl // theodore nott x fem reader
"violet blue green red to keep me at arms length dont work"
playlist : cinnamon girl - lana del rey
summary : everyone knows you have a crush on theo , even he knows! so when you randomly start avoiding him one day , theodore cant help but go crazy.
sunshine reader , y/n used , hufflepuff reader
masterlist
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"theo!" you called out happily , running to the boys side and catching his wrist to stop his strides down the corridor, "hi, ive been meaning to talk to you!".
he looked at you , seeming displeased and just grunted in response , turning away and not even looking at your smiling face that admired him so softly.
"so you have a match on saturday and i was just wondering wether i should support you or hufflepuff? i always try and do my best in encouraging you but when youre against my house it becomes difficult-"
"i dont care do whatever." he said simply , finally turning to look back at you with an annoyed face.
your expression dropped for a split second , a moment so small it was hardly detectable but for that single second your smile dropped completely. and theo noticed. he thought that was probably the first time in your whole life youve stopped smiling. and the first time youve dropped your delicate hold on his wrist.
but you quickly regained composure , smiling up at him although not as sweetly as before , it almost seemed strained this time , "right , thats fine. ill just see what i can do closer to the time. bye theodore"
theodore. ouch. theo watched as you walked away silently , not turning back at all. he tried not to read too much into you , he didnt want to think he cared enough to, but hearing you call him by his full name and not theo? he hated to admit it stung a little more than he thought it would.
----
"hey!" you said enthusiatically as you sat down besides your close friend hannah , she looked up from the desk and greeted you back.
usually in charms you found yourself sat besides her , talking all lesson or admiring theodore , but you could help but avoid his side of the room like its the plague.
the plague being the pretty ravenclaw girl that for some reason was sat next to him as they discussed something civilly. usually theo sat with mattheo or alone since mattheo wasnt regularly spotted in charms , so to see him sat next to a girl youve never seen him with? you felt your heart shatter right onto the ground around you.
"y/n? are you listening?" hannah tried to ask you until she followed where you stared and saw theodore with the ravenclaw , "oh".
you nodded besides her , forcing a tight smile onto your lips and finally dragging your eyes from them , "its fine , everyone knows he doesnt like me back, i guess i was just in denial about it."
hannah saddened at the forced laugh that you let out , pulling you into a hug and rubbing your back , "he was never good enough for you anyways. youre a whole galaxy and theodore nott is the moon , nothing compared to you."
"i love the moon," you said softly as your eyes began to well up with tears.
hannah pulled back and scanned the room before grabbing your hand , "professor flitwick isnt here yet , leave now and if he asks ill say you were sick. go to our dorms and ill get snacks from the kitchen and we can stay in tonight , sound good?"
you smiled happily at her , "thank you hannah"
she returned the smile with a light nod before handing you your bag and shooing you away , watching as you left the classroom hastily.
failing to feel theos eyes that burned into your fleeting figure.
---
the next few days were odd for theodore nott. something felt missing but he couldnt quite place his finger on it...
that was until he made eye contact with you in the hall and watched in suprise as you looked away and practically sprinted down the corridor , rather than coming up to him with a bright small and a new topic to rant about.
and he didnt like it. not one bit.
for the rest of the week he picked up on the things that you did - or didnt do.
how your smile would drop when you made eye contact with theodore. how youd talk happily to lorenzo and then make an excuse to leave as soon as theo tried to join the coversation. how you stopped sitting next to him in potions and instead sat with hermione , chatting away to her and not noticing the glare theodore sent towards the both of you.
but the one thing that pushed him over the edge was when he flew out onto the quidditch pitch and immediately searched for you in the stands , only to spot you waving at diggory , wearing his jersey?!
theodore had never felt jealous before -lies- but in that moment he held onto his broom a lot harder than before , his whole body felt hotter and his eyes glared holes into cedric diggorys back.
lets just say that throughout the match he made sure to shove diggory with every chance he got , eventhough none of it was necessary as they had completely different roles in the game.
"nott get off diggorys fucking broom and do your job!" adrian shouted at him from across the pitch , making theodore roll his eyes before giving cedric a last shove and flying away.
from the stands you watched theodore in confusion ,along with the rest of the audience , staring as he yet again flew in the path of cedric and shoved him to the side before contiuing to chase the hufflepuff chaser.
"it seems like nott is more concered in giving the golden boy diggory a good push rather than actually fulfilling his job , typical slytherins playing dirty in my opinion-" lees comentating was cut off by professor mcgonagall clearing her throat , "sorry professor."
----
the match had ended and purely because of the rest of the slytherin team , they won , however the poor performance of theodore threw the whole teams goal points off.
"what the fuck is wrong with you theodore!?" draco shouted as the team entered the changing tents , "if i hadnt gotten that golden snitch we wouldve lost AND been the comedic relief of all the other houses!"
theodore let out a heavy sigh before sitting down on one of the benches with his head in his hands , pulling his hair aggresively, "shove off malfoy im not in the mood".
"all this because of some hufflepuff mudblood wearing diggorys jersey-" draco started again , before being pushing harshly by a now infuriated theodore.
"the FUCK did you say malfoy?!" theo screamed in his face , being pulled away by lorenzo who tried to calm the situation.
"guys we won and thats all that matters!" enzo tried to reason with the furious boys.
"barley , berkshire! theo over here nearly fucked everything up because of childish jealousy!" draco shouted back , venom dripping off his words.
"who said i was fucking jealous?" theo shouted back as majority of the team turned to him with disbelief.
"you nearly dropped the quaffle twice because you were too busy figuring out how you could shove cedric on the way to the goalhoops-" mattheo started before being cut off by the curtain of the tent being pulled back.
revealing a girl covered in bright yellow , covering her eyes and trying to walk into the tent without falling, "c-can i look?".
the whole tent gaped in shock before lorenzo finally spoke up , "yeah..yeah you can look y/n dont worry."
you quickly uncovered your eyes and blinked as they adjusted to the light , looking at the scene before you which showed theodore being held back from draco by lorenzo and a disapproving mattheo stood in front of the lockers.
"theodore what are you-" you started before being cut off by the boy shaking his head rapidly.
"stop - stop calling me theodore i cant stand when you call me that."
you stared in suprise as theodore shrugged off lorenzos hands and walked over to you, this was possibly the most emotion the boy had shown to you.
"oh uh right sorry , i just wanted to say well done for the match. i was rooting for hufflepuff but there isnt any other team that deserve it more than you guys!" you smiled awkwardly as the team thanked you a short silence following , "anyways , theres a certain hufflepuff thats a bit gutted about his loss so im gonna-"
"diggory?" theo asked with a sour tone as he stepped closer to you , not breaking eye contact.
"yeah , hes upset but i said if he lost id make him a crochet blanket to make him feel better so-"
"but you only make me crochet things." theodore said coldly as you stuttered again , unfamiliar with this behaviour from theo.
"ha , yeah i do but um , i didnt think you liked them so i thought id just put my efforts elsewhere!" you laughed awkwardly.
"the blanket you made him's on his bed , he takes it home aswell because he cant sleep without it-" mattheos teasing was cut off by a sharp glare from theo.
"shut up riddle!" theo seethed before turning back to you.
"no dont be embarassed theo - its nice to know you love it!" you said , finally regaining a comfort in theos presence at this news.
"i love you." he stated simply as the whole room fell into a dead silence.
your mouth hung wide open , as did his teamates before they were ushered out of the room by enzo , your moment with theo requiring the upmost privacy.
"you- you what?!" you asked in pure shock as the final player exited the tent.
"i love you," theo stated again as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"but- but you like hate me , you dont even reply when i talk or smile at me-" you ranted.
"youre right, i hate you. i hate how you love me more than anyone else has before you... i hate your hair and your perfect smile.... and i despise how you make me feel," he stepped so close that your bodies touched and his hand rested on your cheek firmly , "but theres a very thin line between love and hate."
you gaped up at him in suprise , "theo-"
he quickly took a step back and walked to his locker , pulling out a top, more specifically his jersey that he now handed to you.
"take that god awful jersey off i dont think i can handle looking at it for one more second" he said bitterly , staring down at the yellow top you wore with distaste.
"i love you too." you said , still frozen in place and staring up at him.
"i think everyone knows that princess." he said with a laugh , the first laugh youd heard from him in a long time.
a blush spread to your cheeks , both at his words and the addictive sound of his soft chuckle.
"why have you always ignored me if you love me?" you asked still being slightly unpleased with his random confession.
his smile dropped as he frowned and looked at you sympathetically , "i just thought you were doing it all for fun , maybe to mock me or something. i tried to shut out the fact i like you and it clearly didnt work , i was just ...scared." he confessed in a moment of complete vunerability.
you admired him with care and empathy as he spoke from his heart so purely , before your face cracked into a teasing smile , "you know i wasnt actually rooting for hufflepuff?"
he smirked wrapping arms around your waist and pulling you in closer ,"oh really?"
you nodded and pulled the braid in your hair over your shoulder , to reveal the dark green bow that wrapped around the end of it.
theodore grinned upon seeing this as you both giggled , a sweet first kiss following the heart to heart.
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mrfoox · 2 years
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Fucking ridiculous. I'll literally spent months without seeing friends or talking to them and I still won't feel this level of absolute loneliness and despair :')
#miranda talking shit#I feel like I'd be able to spend time at this place fine if the people who have damaged me isnt here#But they are and ugh... No.#I think i feel ... Extra bad bc dad has started to act... Friendly towards me and i hate it#You were never there when i grew up you never helped me supported me or raised me you do not have the right to act like we are on good term#Its a recent year sort of thing to like... Oh it took 20+ years for you to realize you have another daughter ? That's a bit fucking late#He sends me messages and shit online too and i hate it. I usually dont open them like... Hes the one person i basically cant see myself#Fully forgive. Technically his 'crime' was the least bad/minor but considering he was an grown adult lol no#My brothers have abused me for years and given me bad trauma and trust issues but dad was just not there#No he didnt have that excuse he was there. He lived here. He was married to mom. But he never spent any time with any of us#He never took care of us or did anything with us unless mom forced him to go with her. If he wasnt around at all id be more forgiving#Its that he was but couldn't fucking bother to care for.. Know or love his children that i cant forgive#And how he treated mom. Mom deserves better . The amount of times she have cried bc of him through my years growing up#I hate it. I wanted to spend the last possibly 5-10 years of keeping away from him and ignore him as much as im able til he dies then cry#On his funeral then just support my mom. No instead he does this shit. I cant handle it how he acts like all is fine#You dont have the right to start acting like you care after 25 years. You had so much time to do so earlier#You dont actually care you just want to make mom happy#Negative
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nhularin · 1 year
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1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK
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PAIRING bf! jay x reader GENRE toxic! relationship, angst no comfort WARNINGS insecurities,there might be some grammar mistakes WC 0.9k series masterlist
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December 12, 2001
"so, how was your day?"
you looked at him, your voice soft as you asked. you and your boyfriend sat in his car, the air thick with tension. but jays response was anything but kind. his eyes narrowed as he looked straight ahead of the road, his voice filled with bitterness. "fine" he spit out and silence fell upon you once again
no, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?
the tone of his voice made you recoil, your heart sinking. it was a typical thursday night and you haven't seen each other outside of school in what felt like forever. you had only wanted to check up on him, to show him that you cared about his well being. but his words sliced through you like a dagger, leaving you feeling small and insignificant.
"thats great!" you tried to sound cheerful, but your voice betrayed you when those words came out quieter and wobblier than expected. you looked outside of the passenger seat's window, attempting to ignore the unbearable silence in the car. you could hear the joy and euphoria from passing cars and you couldn't help but feel jealousy radiating through you
All I did was speak normally, somehow I still struck a nerve
"why are you always so sensitive?" jay continued, his voice dripping with disdain. "you make everything about yourself. cant you see that I have my own problems to deal with?"
jay could feel your discomfort, he had to. hell, the passing cars could probably feel it "dont be like this" he said, sighing heavily "why do you always ask me that? you saw me at school. did you see me crying? no. so dont ask obvious shit when you already know the answer."
your eyes welled up with tears, voice trembling. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just-" you paused, feeling your throat close up "we haven't hung out in a while and i just wanted to make sure that you were fine"
jay scoffed, his anger intensifying. "you think you can solve all my problems with a simple question? youre so naive. you don't understand anything. fine, coach Madson was a fucking asshole today but i knew you wouldn't understand. isnt a simple 'fine' enough? all you know is how to break out in song and dance with your theater friends"
im the love of your life until I make you mad
your heart shattered as his words echoed in your mind. you had hoped for a moment of connection, a chance to offer support. but instead, you found yourself facing his anger, his frustration, and his complete lack of empathy.
you longed for affection, for those sweet words of love to fall from his lips. but instead, you were met with a wall of unpredictability. one moment, he would hold your hand and make you feel like the most special person in the world. the next, he would push you away, leaving you wondering where you went wrong.
every little thing you did seemed to set him off, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. his anger was swift and cutting, leaving you feeling small and insignificant. it was a rollercoaster of emotions, and you couldn't help but question if he truly loved you.
jays grip on the wheel tightened even further as you reached a familiar intersection. the red light seemed to mock your mess of a relationship, the halted traffic mirroring your damaged connection.
as the light turned green, he pressed down on the gas pedal, your heart pounding heavily in your chest. the car lurched forward, the engine roaring, but the noise was nothing compared to the deafening silence between you two. the streets blurred as you sped through the night.
in that moment, you realized that jay wasn't capable of providing the love and understanding you have craved. he was a storm of emotions and absolutely unpredictable, lashing out at anyone who dared to get close.
on your late night drives, you would often find yourself bracing for impact. would jay walk you home, or would he send you home crying again? it was a cruel game of chance, and you were trapped in its endless cycle.
"look" he sighed "im sorry for lashing out, im just stressed with-" he paused longer than expected "practice, AP calc, everything, okay? its nothing personal"
his apology didnt change the storm of emotions forming inside you but you tried to tame it as best as possible, trying to look unbothered by his constant outbursts of hatred.
when did it all go wrong? you have known him since forever, his toothy grin and messed up bangs permanently engraved in your head. you managed to form an awkward smile "its okay" its always okay, as long as you were with him
do you love me, want me, hate me?
finally, you arrived at your house, and jay pulled over. the quiet and calm suburb contrasting the chaos in your head. the car idled, the engine still rumbling.
there was a moment of silence, a moment where the weight of your emotions hung in the air. and then, without another word, jay reached over and opened the car door. his gesture made you feel giddy and hope filled your heart. as you stepped out, you gave him your biggest smile
"ill see you tomorrow, text me, okay? i love you"
he didnt say it back nor did he message you that night
no, I don't understand
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PERM TAGLIST @misokei @avocarua @sngvhs @essmarye @haechansbbg
SERIES' MASTERLIST @flwerfield @hyhees @mrchweeee @j1nniee @mikaluvsyouu @delulu4-life @mora134340 @beomsbeanie @leep0ems @cIphantom-hive @yla-aira @filmofhybe @nishik1
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v-arbellanaris · 3 months
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i feel like some of you are really shooting yourselves in the foot. i get it! trust me, i get it! i, well known dai hater, also have my anxieties abt da4 - and yes, even expectations abt things like where the plot is going to etc - but the teaser is TWO MINUTES LONG and i've been ripping it to shreds to get SOMETHING out of it, but the truth is that it's just not going to be indicative of the full game
the teaser trailers for dao imply that the sacred ashes quest is gonna be the huge memorable quest - and for me, they simply weren't? and how different did the actual game look to the teasers like let's be sooo real. da2 teasers hinged on the qunari invasion which was like... just one of many, many events in da2. and hawke and isabela didnt even look like that. i cant even remember seeing solas in the inquisition trailers?
the teasers aren't even for the plot, is the thing. these teasers are literally companion reveals, of course it's aimed to make the characters look cool and interesting, rather than really foreshadowing anything deep about the storylines - that's for things like tevinter nights, and the comics, and even absolution. it just feels really weird to use the thing they're using to advertise the companions for this game as a metric for the entire game plot and vibes. dao and da2 trailers were SO FUCKING INTENSE and then you get iconic lines like swooping is bad and hawke stepped in the poopy like...............
like da4 is not going to be dao. it's not going to be da2. it's not going to be dai either. all three of these games were tonally totally different from each other, and idk where the expectation is coming from that da4 will be like the other games. especially when the writing direction, as i've talked abt on this blog a few times already, is definitely changing and evolving. whether or not i personally like that direction is irrelevant to the fact it's happening.
i support the haterisms - god knows ive got my issues with it - but sometimes i just think you guys are unnecessarily hostile for weird reasons and i dont get it. "people who hate dragon age the most are people who love it" i dont think you guys like dragon age anymore, is the thing. which is fine, but i'm not obliged to tolerate it, or you. like you can just say: you liked dragon age origins. you liked dragon age 2. you maybe even like dai. and you're not interested in da4. that's fine. because da4 is not those games. i dont really care to hear abt the whinging abt how da's ruined or whatever - da hasn't been the same literally since da2, which was already a tonal shift from dao. da has been changing, and i have opinions abt the changes, but fundamentally, i am - cautiously, warily, anxiously - excited about a new game. new content. new companions. new maps. new knowledge. new narratives to chew on. aren't you?
if you're not, have you considered that you just don't like dragon age anymore? and that's fine? and you can just move on?
and idk why are you acting like a 2 min teaser is gospel for how the entire game is going to anyway? we know practically nothing, and at least try to keep that in mind when you're drawing firm conclusions abt the wholeass game based on the trailers because you literally WILL NOT KNOW. the teaser literally means nothing except: here are your companions. this is what they look like and where they're from. everything else based off the trailers is wild conjecture
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damagedcoda6669 · 4 months
Note
hope you dont mind the ask, was just kinda curious ^^
what was your mindset in coming back to the internet and did you expect the kind of reaction that you got?
i wasnt expecting the positive response AT ALL. coming back my mindset was something liek "im only doing this so i can post my art again, im only doing this becuz im passionate abt my artwork. nobodys gonna believe me and im sure only a handful of ppl r gonna be rational abt this whole thing, and im gonna have 2 deal with a mob of ppl out 2 get me and another mob who wants 2 sexualize me and stalk me, but if i can post my artwork and just ignore it itll be fine."
and then i posted my vid and every1 was so sympathetic and understanding and pleasant 2 me. ive nevr experienced that kind of basic humanity b4 on the internet, and it was shocking. every1 was so nice abt my struggles with abuse and homelessness inparticular, which was honestly an afterthought in my comeback vid becuz i didnt think any1 would care. i didnt expect anything close 2 the reaction i got, and it gave me a lot of hope and peace. i felt safe posting online 4 the first time.
i cant say that i still feel the same, after the borderline 12 situation happening only 6 days after my vid ive basically been retraumatized and have severe anxiety surrounding the internet again. it was my fault and was incredibly disrespectful, hurtful, and wrong, i will never deny that i was wrong in the first place and did something horrible. but the sheer harassment and dogpiling wasnt warranted and was arguably worse than what i did 2 begin with. it was blown out of proportion and it only took 6 days 4 every1 2 stop liking me and treating me like a person. that situation made me realize that despite the overwhelming positivity that i received, there will always be so many ppl who want 2 take it away from me, who want 2 make the internet unsafe 4 me again, who want 2 see my downfall. i wont let them win, i will ALWAYS strive 2 want 2 be the best person i can be and better myself everyday, i will ALWAYS want 2 learn from my mistakes and improve. but knowing this, posting again feels liek walking on eggshells.
2 summarize.. i have vry mixed feelings abt the internet as of rn. im so so so so so so so grateful 4 the support and i love all of u, but i know that it could be taken away from me at any minute due 2 something that i will nevr foresee. i nevr come online with the intention 2 be problematic or controversial or hateful, i just liek posting art!!! i would nevr do something offensive or hurtful on purpose, but im scared of doing it by accident again.
didnt think thisd be so long!!! or venty!!! i need 2 talk less mayb.. lol ^^;
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stgosupremacy · 2 months
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Hi today im ranting about ash scenes where he's concerned for goh cos coming from ash especially it's so cute
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the way ash has to just look at goh that far away tho
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"Poor Goh.."
ok obviously you would hope your friend would be sad for you too if you lost 😂 but the way ash leans forward and his eyes start quivering a bit shows how much he cares already like it's been 7 episdoes at this stage??
...yehhh maybe that was a bit too much analysing but ah you guys know me 🥰💖
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*puts cup down omggitsgettingserious* "Whats wrong? Dont you feel like you wanna eat?"
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"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine."
"You dont have a stomach ache, do you?"
🥺
can i say just how sweet this is....this is ash we are talking ab and when there's food it's all he can think of but LOOK AT HIM SO CONCERNED AND GOH IS JUST STUTTERY AND A BLINKING MESS BLESS HIM WJFADLS pls i still think ab this all the time
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"Grookeys doing fine, I know it!"
THE WAY HE NOTICES IMMEDIATELYYYYY THAT GOH IS UPSET AND GOES TO COMFORT HIM stoppp my heart!!! I just find it so sweet how much he's in time wth Gohs emotions like- the second he looks sad ash wants to make sure goh's okay <33
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"Come on."
ok imsorry but he said "come on" so fondly 🥰 and it looked to me after i replayed it like 9times (💀) that he takes goh by the hand or the arm and pulls him away (? you guys should have a look for yourselves im not totally sureee) LIKE BROO STOPP 😭😭 THEYRE TOO CUTE??
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so we have to start in a sing-song voice:
"GOhHhHH, i heard your next trial mission is coming in!!" 🎵 hes so excited lmao brother it's been 1min since the last one 😂
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goh cant say the same
"you could be happier?"
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*doesnt give him time to answer*
"What's the matter, Goh?"
the way he says this is not even a question at that point it's just a statment 😂 he looks like he's ready to fight someone if somebody did something bad to him bless him we love you ash <33
goh is unphased atm lmfao
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THEN WHEN GOH BOWS HIS HEAD AND SOUNDS ALL SAD ASH JUST CHANGES HIS POSTURE AND LOOKS SO SAD FOR HIM TOO UGHHHH
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sorry i keep getting distracted bc ash without a cap is even more adorable ;-;
he looks so concerned its acc too much for me to take
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"I'll be there, you'll be fine!"
i love how it's out of the question at this point that Ash is coming along and no one is going to stop him 😂 the way ash always supports him and doesn't want to leave his side sometimes melts me it's too much!!!!!!!!!!!!111
..also goh looks like he's in love again i dont blame him
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ending screenshot of a renewed goh and determined ash bc they are so adorable 🥰🥺💖💖
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Family in hell | Dad!Chishiya x Mom!Reader + Platonic!Son
Warnings: AU - Dad!Chishiya - Mom!Reader - Mentions of pregnancy - Canon typical violence - MDI - +18
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Chishiya would blame god if he ever believed in one to start with. He really saw no reason for his family to be in a place like this.
He on other hand...well he knew he was not perfect and had lots of problems when it came down to emotions and being social with others, not caring for the rest was his way of living.
"Dad?"
Till his son came to the world.
Truly, he was an accident. Chishiya never planned to get you pregnant and your relationship had started as only a sexual one. But later he found himself falling harder for you.
And since he sucked at showing feelings his way was to have even more sex with you. So maybe that did the trick and ended with you pregnant of him.
In that moment he was happy, for the first time in years he was so happy to have a family, even if it came at some of the worse times possible with him still in college.
Oh, If only he had know these were not going to be the worse times.
This place, whatever it was, this was the worse.
It was hell.
Chishiya had decided he would use anyone and everything to keep both of you safe.
"Sasaki, he is sleeping love, the day was long, why dont we go get him some food?" You gentle voice could be hear in the dak room.
It had been a hard day indeed. Chishiya almost lost his son because of a stupid player and then you got a nasty burn protecting him.
He had took you back to the beach and making sure your wound was not severe. He had to calm his crying son, Sasaki was young and intelligent but he was still a kid who loved his parents, crying was not something he would not do.
Completly different from Chishiya.
When the hard truth of this place has hit him, Chishiya explained to his young kid how the "games" needed to be winned no matter what.
"But cant we all win?"
These were his words at first, he had got your kind nature.
"Not here. Do you remember Hajime?" His kid nodded at the mention of his school bully "He was always mean right? And wanted to win everytime, well now I need you to do the same"
"You only have to do this for a short time, your dad and I will be taking care of the rest" You added ruffling his hair.
The memory faded away as he hear the door Open and only one pair of steps.
"Where is he?" Chishiya asked turning around to see you with some fruits.
"He is fine and safe, Kuina took him to the small pool and she will make sure no one comes close to him"
Chishiya nodded, taking the appel you had brought back.
"We need to leave this place, I dont trust it will support itself much longer"
"Chishiya, Hatter knows what he is doing" You said taking a seat besides him.
"Does he? Do I need to remind you we had to specially ask that he would let the three of us go together? He is giving this people fake hope, and thats dangerous"
His words were true, part of you did not want to believe it. The beach was a safe heaven at first, having a bed to come after the games, food...but it was too good to be true. The place has its dark side and you knew they could use your son to get Chishiya.
"I know, but we need to be carefull. You need to tell me your plan"
"No. You and Sasaki Will have to act as if you two never had any type of information. If someone goes down it wont you or him, and trust me it wont be me either" Chishiya assured you kissing the top of your head. "Today I almost lost him and you, I wont let that happen again, I promise"
The door opened again a nervous Kuina appearing and your son running into the room with the biggest smile.
"Mom! Dad! Look" Sasaki said pointing at one animal made by balloons "A guy made me this!! And he asked if you two would go to the bar but I dont know what that is, oh!! And then I-"
"Sorry" Kuina whispers to you "the guy was Tatta, he is good. But I tought it would be better if he is with his parents"
"Thank you Kuina" you responded smiling then looking at how Chishiya was nodding as your kid told him about this animal and its name. It was the most sincere smile he has ever made.
"I will go now, if you two want some...alone time let me know, I love taking care of him" Kuina said giving you a wink then leaving.
"Dad, will we go back to the Real world?" Sasaki asked making Chishiya freez.
"I dont know Son, but what I do know its that your mom and you are the most important things to me and nothing Will change it"
"And I love you and mom too!! I Will fight for you Dad, mom will be safe"
You had to turn your face to not let him see your tears. He was so inoccent and sweet, truly not made for here.
Chishiya pulled you and your kid for a family hug, with how things had been and how things could get he had learn this was the best moment he could have.
And he swears, more times like this one will come. Because no one matters besides his family.
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noellefan101 · 4 days
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Adopting Child!Reader
Characters: Wriothesley, Nilou, Childe, Candace, Itto x Gn Child!reader(meaning this is all purely platonic)
Summary: They adopt you and you're now their child, what do they learn you to do and what do they like doing with you
Warnings: platonic, modern au for the most part, implied char x char in some(you can ignore it if you dont like the ship, or see them as friends), sigewinne is your sibling in wrios, arataki gang being the arataki gang
Note: this is one of those fics that i keep looking for but cant find, so i wrote it myself. i really like reading from a child's perspective but whenever i see a fic were a char has a child and its x reader, its always the reader being the mother which i hate. anyway, have fun reading, luv you.
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Wriothesley
Sigewinne is his child, sorry, you cant tell me otherwise(especially when its modern au), so you and her would definitely play together. have a tea party, dress Wrio up in cute ribbons and stuff, kill all your dolls together after one cheated on the other. yk, normal kid things.
Wriothesley caries your bags whenever you need to get home from school, he hangs them over his shoulder while you both walk beside him.
If Sigewinne is a little older than you, instead of being the same age, she would try her best to help you learn stuff you maybe dont even have in school yet, but she just needed to help you with it anyway. she just wants you to be ready for it, and learns it better in the process as well.
He would invite his Boyfriend over for dinner once, and you thought Neuvillette's hair was pretty, though you were a little scared of the man. it turned out to be fine after a few other times of meeting him, and you warmed up to him quite quickly.
I dont imagine he's the best cook, but would definitely learn how to make something if you were sad and really wanted a specific dish. Will also make tea for you both a lot, making sure its just how you like it.
Nilou
I love the idea of Nilou, the sweetheart of sumeru, adopting a child and taking care of it. like yeah, she totally would.
And if you showed any interest in dancing whatsoever, she would teach you some small easy steps. and show you a few of her dances made for shows, if you thought it was too hard. she has her own dancing room(?) at home, and she would happily practice a little with you in the room so you can watch.
She's very supportive of whatever you're interested in, but you will learn to respect everyone no matter what, she cant have you becoming like one of those scholars who want all the creative arts gone. But she would still support you in becoming a scholar if that is what you wanted to do anyway, just making sure you're a nice one instead of those other beings.
Loves to bake with you, and really wants to show you all the best recipes so you can make them on your own once your old enough. but of course she bakes the best cakes on your birthday, and it's decorated with something you like or her and you dancing via a messy drawing using buttercream.
Would make jewelry with you, and then wear some at one of her shows. So the people would see all her professionally made bracelets, and then this very vibrant and childish one shining trough.
She loves matching outfits with you, so she will try her very best to find a shirt in your size that matches one of her dresses, it would be very cute but she respects it if you dont really like it at times.
Childe
He seriously just wants to protect you, and probably ended up saving you before taking you in and caring for you when he learned of your reason for being out there all alone. (picture dark alleyway with cold snow and a few adults with weapons trying to get money out of you or smt)
Doesnt really like the idea of you knowing about his job, but he can't hide it from you the same way he hides it from his siblings, so you ended up knowing pretty quickly. But he assures you he won't let anything hurt you, not even himself.
He would have his parents take care of you when he had to go out for a mission, but you would have to promise to not mention what he was doing or he would just have to hire a caretaker next time.
But it was fun playing with his siblings, and the food was great. Plus it was way nicer to be able to play with other children at home, and not have to go out for it. Teucer also had really cool toys, so you and him play together a lot when you come over.
Doesn't let you near any of his weapons, and doesn't wan tyou near any weapon until your at least 13. He can't have you experience the same things as him, no matter how much he likes fighting, he doesnt want you to grow up like he did. So he won't teach you anything of that sorts, only when he thinks it a reasonable time for someone to learn that.
Cooks all your meals for the most part, and learns you how to cook as well, he can also have you help him cut the easy things like a cucumber. Plus you've been sent to school with what to a child looks like a three-course meal from a five-star restaurant. is also really good at getting you to eat your vegetables.
Candace
She's very good with children, but never expected to take in a child herself. She has both no idea what she's doing and knows everything about what she should do, so its a process for the both of you.
She is very loving and knows to let you warm up to her first, but she gets carried away at times and can end up hugging you a little to much for your comfort. But she makes sure to give you lots of your favorite sweets in return.
Loves dressing you up, and would pick your outfits for your when you had school, but of course you picked an item first and then she jsut picked out the rest. For example; you would pick out a cute shirt with a little red car on it, and she would find some matching socks and nice pair of pants or smt, give you a nice red hat if it was needed.
Goes shopping with Dehya often, so she would sometimes take you with her and will explain everything she's getting, and how to use this makeup and what not.
Dehya also comes over quite a lot, and they both do your makeup if you wanted, or let you decorate them in glitters and stickers if you pleased. You now have a special bag with all your little brushes, eyeshadows and all that stuff at home, just so you dont accidentally ruin theirs. (she would not let you put makeup on too much, only once or twice a week. but then there is also something to look forward too)
Itto
Is very chaotic and should not be taking care of a child, also because he gets in trouble so much. But he can't just leave you out there all alone, no one else wanted you clearly, but they are the perfect solution to that. (they are all basically unwanted as well, so you were just like them in a sense)
But Kuki is more of the parent than he is at times, but thats ok, she's basically the parent to all of them at this point.
Anyway, he loves beetle-fighting, so of course you are gonna learn too. He has spent hours with you outside, finding beetles and teaching you the perfect ways to win over anyone. it's only when Shinobu comes and tells you that its bed time for you that you stop for the day, but you have tomorrow to have fun as well.
It's hard to adapt to being with the Arataki gang, but it is better than being alone, so you can have your own little place to be alone in for a little bit, in a corner of whatever they're staying in(an old house that is really cheap i presume, or a really cheap apartment. maybe granny's place or smt).
Taking care of you honestly got the whole gang to stop their antics just a little, and they don't end up in prison for stupid things as much. Kuki is especially thankful for that, but is still concerned for the gang. They teached you how to depend on others, while you essentially teach them to be more careful of what they do, win-win.
You might have cried the first time they ended up in prison while you were there, Shinobu has now taught you how to bail someone out of jail. You will need this in the future.
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im thinking of making a taglist but im not sure, so tell me if you want to be tagged in smt
Thx for reading my lovelies, have a nice day, luv ya-Masterlist
You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts
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leavingsunsets · 4 months
Note
hello!
I would like to request hcs (if that's fine with you, because I saw you're more on the fics side :3) for Kinro (bro deserves more love), Sai and Ryusui with a very emotional and empathetic reader, who tries to mask it by acting all cool and unbothered, but it doesn't always work well. I prefer it to be on the more romantic side, but I don't mind the platonic one! It can be either female or gender neutral reader. I will rely on your intuition and creativity.
I hope I explained everything quite sensibly and understandably. ._.
Have a wonderful day!
Ohh my gosh hello hello! I don't mind hcs as well, since i lovw these characters so much like mwah mwah mwah (AHEM AHEM magic man COUGHCOUCGHFOUCGH) but anyways im doing gn reader so lots more ppl can enjoy tehee. here it is !!
"𝙋𝙤𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣."
[gn!reader]
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𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙧𝙤
Tbh i feel like Kinro is KINDAAA similar in the same sense?? like, all cool n stuff but hes actlly a real sweetie sometimes mwah mwah mwah. also ur right he deserves more love hes literally just a loveable guy
At first i think hed be surprised, like, all, "woah, uh, you good"
but then, i think among the three, isnt that fazed. hes around ginro almost 24/7 cmon.
but once he gets used to you he just stares when you get all cool and so indifferent then he goes "its okay to be sad about it" then you just start beating his chest bawling and he pats your back
platonically, thats what hed do. Like, hed just silently offer support while you tell him your troubles or thoughts. like nod along or put a hand on your shoulder in silent encouragement or just seem so cool while spouting out some wise words. (he puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at him, the wind blows his hair slightly, the light capturing him in a perfect angle. "i understand that feeling. i felt hurt when ginro laughed at the rip in my pants too" he whispers so coolly and you bust out laughing)
romantically, hed be more initiative in this type of stuff i think. like, if he saw you going away on your own hed follow after to talk. or be more nervous cuz this time hes ACTIVELY trying to cheer you up, like tryna be comforting even if his words come out awkward or something like that. "uhmm, thats bad.. uh.. do you wanna. do you wanna hug?"
either way, 10/10 this man will never disappoint, he doesnt, and he didnt. he is underrated and we should talk about him more def
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𝙍𝙮𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞
Ohoooo. this maaan is likeeee. i dunno man i feel like he literally has the same reaction to every single type of person.
encouraging, supportive, and just a big big ball of sun
hed just pin you down as an interesting person and spout some compliments
even when you first meet and he sees how you work hes like "👍!!"
So lets say close friends now. he sees you go 'its okay. I dont care' and he sees you be all 'im going to dramatically sit on a rock and have a glistening tear down my face lit by the sun' and he'll like, smack your back 4 times going 'ITS OKAY MY FRIEND ITS OKAY'
Platonic?? just like that. how he treats everyone which is of course very special. goes 'hey, its alright. like really. im here to be a bud and give u some encouragement' and be all like 'DW MY FRIEND' and just even gives u nice talks
ROMANTICALLY?? kind of the same, but but but but. he litrlly goes and does smthng to cheer u up. like litrlly does the same as platonically, but later even when ur all cheered up, brings u to a nice place like a nice view. Doesnt SAY anything cheesy but ltrlly aheaeha RAWR ryusui nanami i cant believe you just took me to a nice dinner date
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𝙎𝙖𝙞 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞
okay hmmm. idk depends on the intensity of it he MIGHT be averse?? Not entirely but as long as youre not bawling and sniffling i think ur good 👍
ok so u first meet right? and then he meets u 'oh cool person ok. rlly chill' then after awhile he sees you start sniffling over someones sob story and hes all like 'aweee'
NOT IN A 'thats cute' WAY LIKE. HES JUS LIKE THINKING 'OH THIS PERSON RLLY CARES ALOT THATS SWEET A LITTLE'
maybe that might be a bonding factor. Like, the fact that ur empathetic and soooo YKNOW, YOU
so like when u werent close he was all like 'ohh. ahhh wow. i see.' now hes all like 'haha theres my little gober gomble with the gummy goo' but he will never say that ofc grrr
PLATONICALLY. hes as goober as can be. literally being all friends friends with you and loving your company. like, actively approaches you and goes 'hey!!!! :3!!'. literally a sweetie yall talk about stuff and the whole time hes like :3 and all supportive and encouraging throughout whatever ur feeling, blue or yello, red or green.
fixes my bowtie. Now. ROMANTICALLY?? so this is only it does blossom after the platonic stage. he does the same things, except all 'hmgngmg omg.. its them...' inside now. More active tending to you in your moments, happy or blue. like cheering if ur cheering, fretting over u if youre sad over smthng, stuff like that. or angry, like going 'PLS PLS PLS PLS' holding you back from hitting someone on the head. literally just the same in platonic but hes so so so sooo in love with you and loves you, for being you, more than anything
_____________
WHEW and thats. yeah. thats it. Again i am so sorry for the disproportionate pics n headers EVERYTIME i literally crop them on my own sometimes n i dont know where else to get them. but yah i hope u enjoyed and sorry it took soo long :333 !! Hcs are easier for me 2 do than fics because they take less time and like, hmm, its not that hard since theres no plot planning or proofreading or anything like that. but yes WOOO ENJOY I HOPE YALL KEEP ENJOYIG THE RARE FICS IS PUT OUT IM SO SORRY FOR THAT TOO 😭😭
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