#if you read all of this you are a trooper

[necrotic-nephilim]

@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.

so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.

a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.

and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.

so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.

beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.

because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.

and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.

and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.

and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.

people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.

it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.

[aheathen-conceivably]

Because I’ve been cooking on the backstory between Antoine and the woman he was having an affair with (who I’ve named Suzanne), let’s talk about….

What do we already know and what do we think happened?

Well the very first time we saw her (and the other women behind her in this scene) is here…

In particular, she’s the one looking down at Antoine, singling him out with her gaze while the others dance around him. As they do so Antoine hears their voices in his head, most likely coming from his own memories:

Such a pretty boy, Delphine. I mean really, must he hide behind that screen? Oh look at him. Even more beautiful than his sister, if you ask me. Come on, Antoine, just play us one more song. One song and then we’ll let you dance with us. We’ll even go upstairs with you Antoine, come on. Just play for us.

Only even their voices and sensory memories grow more specific as his hallucinations go on, signifying that there’s something else at play too.

Their jasmine perfume permeated the club, cutting through the cigarette smoke. The tinkling of the beadwork on their dresses mingled with their laughs, overtaking the sound of lace gloves as they brushed against skin or the heavy silk of a dress as it fell to the floor. Still they came closer and closer, pulling him in deeper, taunting him. One more drink, Antoine. One more song. Then you can come upstairs with us, come on, just play for us.

This tells us that at the very least, Antoine had a flirtatious relationship with these women who he shared a home and a life with, women who worked for his mother and who his mother disapproved of flirting with him:

Each of them the shadow of a woman who once roamed these halls, now nothing but phantoms around him. He brushed them away angrily, their disappointed sighs dissipating into the silence. Then he heard a nearly silent tsk, the one that his mother made when someone had offended her.

Well what we now know is that in addition to whatever teasing flirtation was going on between Antoine and the four women he saw, he was also certainly having an affair with one of them. A woman named Suzanne…

Now, judging from their body language this was certainly a mutual love affair, and not one that Antoine was dragged into. But bearing in mind how he’s described it (“it’s been the ruin of me a poor boy”) and his own ideas surrounding sex, marriage, and women, we can at the very least assume that he doesn’t view it fondly. Rather, he sees it quite guilty, as something he shouldn’t have done, and even goes so far as to compare himself to the man who bought his sister’s virginity (however misguided and guilt driven such a feeling may be).

There’s certainly a few factors at play here, and I think some of the biggest can be seen in extras we’ve been given in ask games:

1. Antoine never met or spoke to his father and was raised almost exclusively by woman. This was primarily his mother Delphine and his aunt Marguerite (who we have seen a few times in the story) but also various women in Storyville who knew his mother and his family. This led to a sort of warped, old-fashioned view of masculinity that primarily centers around projecting a hardened exterior and protecting women, often to a volatile extent.

Likewise...

2. Antoine definitely sees sex as something of great emotional weight. I think this is partially due to his loyal trait (one of his 4 in-game traits) and his upbringing. Sex incurs a certain type of loyalty and connection for Antoine...Antoine and Josephine spent much of their time growing up in New Orleans Storyville District, where sex would have constantly been on display and treated very casually. This influenced both Jo and Antoine’s approaches to the subject, but in opposite ways. For Antoine, this made him view casual sex as a lonely and empty experience, and thus he tends to seek it out only when he feels emotionally connected someone.

So let’s look at these in light of what we know. He was not only sleeping with a woman he feels like he shouldn’t have been (because of her profession, connection to his mother, and the casual nature of their relationship), he was most likely doing so with some kind of idea of emotional intimacy and “protection” toward her. Meaning, the sex itself would have made going about his daily life and job even harder. Every night he worked in the brothel with her, playing piano from behind a screen where he couldn’t see but could imagine what was happening.

This also in turn explains some of his intense reaction to when his sister went to work there and some of the ways in which he treated Zelda when she arrived. Like walking away from her, insisting on her full knowledge and loyalty before they slept together, his ongoing guilt over not being able to marry her, etc etc.

Which all begs the question….

How did Antoine’s affair with Suzanne end?

Well what we do know is that it ended badly enough to at least contribute to him enlisting in World War I and kickstart much of his anger/drinking issues that he struggles with in the 1920s.

In addition, we have two small lines of text from miscellaneous posts, which are:

“Word to the wise my dear, never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends…badly”

and

“Just so long as no one knows…we’ll be fine.”

Now who could these both be coming from? Or, potentially, who could they be talking about? Well I think we can see our answer in these two shots…

What this tells me is at that some point, Antoine’s mother became aware of what was going on between him and Suzanne. This explains the line be “just so long as no one knows…we’ll be fine” which could have been said by either Antoine or Suzanne about Delphine; and “Word to the wise my dear, never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends…badly” which would have been said by Delphine to Antoine when she finally confronted him about it, further entrenching those feelings of guilt and regret that he already had.

Now how do I think the end actually played out? Well, like Delphine promised…badly. Badly enough that when Antoine returns from the war he reacts to his mother like this…

Of course, on the surface, Antoine is angry because he finds out what she’s done to Josephine. But is there something else going on? Something more personal? A reason why Suzanne isn’t in the club in the scene when Jo turns 17?

I would say yes. My guess? Delphine fired Suzanne. On the surface, she did it to protect her “baby boy” but more ostentatiously, because both of them had betrayed her, and as her employee, Delphine viewed the entire affair as a breach of the professional trust/protection established between them.

You already know that Antoine wouldn’t have taken this lying down, only he wouldn’t have stood up to his mother just yet either (which is what makes his eventual confrontation over Josephine so much more charged) and the guilt that his lust caused a woman to lose not only her job but also her home would have been enough to break him. So what do I think Antoine did? I think he offered to marry her, not out of love or even practicality, but out of some sense of guilt and duty that we ALSO see dominate his early attitudes surrounding marriage with Zelda.

Of course, we know that didn’t happen. So I think Suzanne turned him down, whether because she sensed that he was only doing it out of guilt or because she knew that marrying the disowned son of a brother owner in segregated New Orleans was not a viable option. Or maybe she cared for him. Maybe Delphine even threatened her to stay away from Antoine, so she spurned him in the harshest way possible to ensure that their affair ended for good, and she would have no trouble with one of the most powerful madams in the city. But one thing is for sure, it ended the way Delphine promised…badly, and Antoine enlisted in war shortly after only to come home to mother ill, his home on the verge of bankruptcy, and his sister fresh from trauma inflicted on her by that very mother.

This is the Antoine we walk in on in 1920. Guarded, guilt ridden, reclusive, and protective of his home, his sister, and his heart. Recently returned home from war, only for all of his mother’s pain and corruption to surface. Then in a torrent of emotions, to realize she had been sick all along, and therefore to lose her before he could process whether, knowing that she was dying, she had indeed done it all for them and their home after all.

Thus leaving this enormous burden that it was now up to him to look after his sister and make sure the house she had fought so hard for stayed standing. Because to make his guilt even worse, when he came home from war, he had no idea where Suzanne had gone. He could only hope he didn’t make her life worse, and try to make sure he never made the same mistakes again. But somewhere, deep down when he found someone he loved, was grateful that he avoided a marriage based on guilt and duty and rather, eventually, found one built on love.

[omaano]

Ragor and Claw for @experimentalbun

I cannot express what a joy it had been to work on this piece from concept to finishing touches, and I'm so grateful that I didn't only get to draw these guys again for you, but that I got to paint them like this in such an amazing setting too ❤️

[short-wooloo]

The way people hype up pre-inhibitor chips order 66 is ridiculous, especially when they deem it better and more realistic and "nuanced"

Buuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllshiiiiiiiiiiiit

You mean to tell me that in 3 years of fighting alongside each other, none of the MILLIONS of Clones told the Jedi about the entire series of contingency orders? Especially the "kill Jedi" one? That's silly

"Well the Jedi did know never thought it would be used against them-"

Shut up

That's still stupid

A "kill Jedi on sight" command would be a red flag on principle, but beyond that, it makes no sense for the Jedi to know of it (and it's pretty much impossible for all the MILLIONS of clones to know of it and the Jedi not to know) and not be against it, the Jedi always try to avoid killing as much as they can preferring to take people alive and such, they would definitely be horrified at the idea of an execution in the spot of one of their own, even if a Jedi did betray them

Oh, and the reason people give for why all of the clones comply with the order is silly too

It's always some variation of "they were trained to follow orders"

....

And how is that different from mind control/brainwashing/conditioning?

And lastly, I'll say this

Just because there was mind control doesn't mean there's no nuance

Aside from the trauma the clones may experience from having their minds hijacked, there's all manner of responses they may have

Some might try to cope by ignoring it

Some might not even realize something happened, genuinely believing order 66 was their own choice

And maybe the chips don't actually cause true mind control per say, maybe they just make sure the clones can't disobey, compelling those who resist to follow orders, with those who chose to follow orders being unaffected

[nelly289]

close friend of mine is trying to tell me that helldivers isn't a political game. Same breath he's insisting that adding a trans pride cape would be political. he agrees that the game is satire, but when I push him to explain what it is satirizing, he says it's just a game about shooting bugs and bots. bugs who are made of oil, and bots who are socialists.

[engagemythrusters]

ALSO to further prove my point about CTs not knowing much Mando’a—literally the book series where it’s made canon that any of them know Mando’a at all states that CTs don’t have access to the culture. The ARC Nulls/Alphas and the RC clones do, but not the rest.

AAAND later on there’s this:

THEY ONLY KNOW A FEW WORDS Y’ALL. And they respond to most of it in Basic (aka Sicko earlier in Triple Zero responding to “Vor’e” (thank you) with a simple “you’re welcome” instead of “ba’gedet’ye”)

They pass down a few things, but NOT THE WHOLE CULTURE AND NOT THE WHOLE LANGUAGE

PLEASE allow clone troopers’ own culture to develop! This is so so important! Don’t just rely on Mandalorian culture—they were raised so differently! Let! Them! Have! Their! Own! Culture!

[fitgothgirl]

I've been scheduling more sporadically with my therapist since she changed practices and the new place doesn't take my insurance - I'd been seeing her since February 2023 so a few months ago when this happened she offered to keep seeing me on the side wherever she could fit me in, and was having me Venmo her just whatever my copay was ($40). I haven't seen her in over two months now and a couple weeks ago we had scheduled for 7/17, but the time came and went and she didn't text me the zoom link. I'm thinking I just slipped off the radar since I'm not *official* haha. My feelings would be hurt a small amount (and only that much because I know she doesn't mean anything by it and she seems to actually enjoy our time together - don't think she'd see me on the side if not lol), but I was meaning to get more prepared for the appointment and hadn't done so yet, so it kind of worked out for the best. We have better sessions when I'm ready like that (not surprising of course). So I'm going to organize some thoughts here!...

Things are not bad but not good. I'm in an odd happy-sad place lately. On the one hand, everyday, multiple times a day, I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude for how my life is right now. I have to remind myself that nothing is permanent because I do so badly wish things could be like this forever. I love my partner, I love our home, I love our families, I love our amazing circle of super supportive friends, I love our cat, I love the lake house, I love the weather of the Bay Area, I love the stuff to do/cool places in the Bay & California, I love the relative wealth of human rights in my country, I love my health and my mundane physical abilities, etc... I don't have kids and I work from home for a unstressful job and so I have an amazing work-life-balance; literally everyday I get to be like "hmmm what do I wanna to do today?" I've also witnessed very little death & illness in terms of important people in my life. I'm so privileged in so many ways and I'm constantly cognizant of all these things and overflowing with gratitude and reveling in the moment as much as I can.

On the other hand... I just feel like since Costa Rica in late January/early February, I've been faltering in all the progress I've made over the last 2 years. I haven't been able to get my weed smoking back under control. It's been a while since I've been able to make more fitness progress despite trying a few times to reset (I will give it up for myself that working out is just part of my identity now and I still go to the gym, which is a huge win overall, but I'm struggling to do the minimum maintain right now). I'm back to spending way too much money (outside of the tattoo that was saved for) and putting things on my credit card that's creeping towards its limit. I haven't been able to get myself to keep up with my bujo anymore (which has its own repercussions) despite trying to go back to super simple/basic spreads of just black ink and no designs. Reading has stopped again. I feel like my executive function has deteriorated. I'm eating too much and feeling less in control in that area. I'm also drinking too much and it's becoming problematic; I don't get drunk all the time, but having at least a couple drinks each night is becoming a difficult thing to talk myself out of once evening hits. And I do get drunk sometimes - maybe twice a week. Not like I'm hammered, but nonetheless. Alcohol is quite a different beast from weed so I'm uneasy and need to deal with it.

There was a big build up to Costa Rica because it was a deadline I was being held to, where if I was unsuccessful in tapering down my smoking, I was going to be extremely uncomfortable both physically and mentally for the entirely of the trip (a trip of a lifetime no less); the alternative being not going on the trip, which would be ridiculous to do over weed lol. Withdrawal fucking sucks for me since I'm such a heavy user so I knew it was crucial to cut back. And around this time I was also at the peak of my consistency with the gym/fitness progress - not only because it felt great but knowing that getting as fit as (healthfully) possible by CR would only help me during travel and the activities there, as well as helping my confidence while in swimsuits & in many pictures. But in retrospect, tapering down my weed was a bigger mental boost than I really realized, and was helping out every area of my life in indirect ways. Even before starting to incorporate weedless days, when I was just relegating daily smoking to nighttime, I was in a much stronger place mentally. It's not like I didn't know it was going to be beneficial to cut back, but it was so gradual I didn't really fully grasp the progress until looking at things in hindsight.

But then after the big build up to CR and coming home, things fell apart in the decompression... I didn't have that assured, impending deadline where I'd be suffering if I failed my goal (I feel like the positive punishment aspect was a big factor). Without that fire under my ass, I just haven't been able to stay consistent with sticking to a schedule and using my kSafe to lock up my weed. And I feel like knowing I need to restart the tapering process (i.e. locking it up for just 2 hours a day for a couple weeks and then progressing to 4 hours, 8 hours, etc., as well eliminating smoking in the AM), is actually a bit of a detriment, because it's easy to think it's not a big deal to miss a day since it's "just 2 hours" and I can even inadvertently do that just by being busy. And knowing I had done so much more in the past makes just a couple hours seem so trivial. But the main point of starting off like that was to just get in the habit of using the kSafe in the first place, and to turn up the hours like boiling a frog. I know I can't just jump to "no smoking until 9pm" or something, even though at first I felt like I could just since I had the confidence from it doing before, but my therapist says trying to cut to that is not a good idea (which I did try to do unbeknownst to her but she was proven right lol).

So yeah I'm basically blaming the multiple aspects of this rut/depression on the excessive smoking its ripple effects... Not a surprise though lol. Local Girl Realizes Being Huge Stoner Not Healthy.... (I'd known this long ago lol just joshin)

I miss me. Before, my progress was me getting to physical and mental states I had never been at before. Now that I know what I'm capable of, there's a me to "get back to." In a way it's comforting to know from experience that I can successfully work on myself and I can just follow my own example again. But in another way it makes me sad any backtracking was done. I actually kinda thought I had passed some threshold of mental progress or something (silly in hindsight ig), and am so frustrated with how easily things fell apart just by removing the CR deadline; it made me feel really weak. But my therapist would tell me to not focus on mistakes or setbacks and to not feel guilty, so I'm trying to keep that in mind as I write this. I know I'm looking through the rose-colored glasses of memory too; I know I had struggles in November/basically when DST ended and through the winter until CR, plus other little setbacks. And the fact that I was indeed successful in cutting back smoking enough to not feel like shit on the trip is something to be proud of.

"This thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down" (Mary Pickford)

(Again another good quote that I learned from Parks and Rec lol)

[ah0yh0y]

honestly i wish i had the gall like shannonn messenger to make every helpful sidecharacter to the main character BLOODY MR FORKLE

[dylanconrique]

actual visual representation of me decaying in bed all day due to those bts pics of lucy in the hospital.

[1800duckhotline]

salice glance, stillness, canvas, outerwear, roots, wardrobe, hair, favorite, change

oc asks: character design edition

SO MUCH SALICE.. this is definitely gonna get long but salice fans rejoice.

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC’s appearance? What’s their distinguishing feature?

The real question probably is what doesn't stand out about her to most people? ASDFHGFDKS. At least to me. I think Salice purposefully presents herself to the world in a way that wants to leave an impact in other's mind and (not to toot my own horn) but I think she's able to do this (I mean, not like on the internet, but in the world she lives in at least). But I think what really makes her stand out somewhat is mostly like, at face-value, her stature?

Because picture this, if you didn't know and I didn't say it all the time, one could guess Salice is at least over 170cm tall. But she isn't, and I think that can leave someone at least amused/surprised not because being short is inherently comedic, but because she (purposefully) is really really masculine, and gives the air of an imposing masculine figure. Coupled with how people tend to assume all women who are gender non-conforming must be tall, I think it was a fun choice to make her not even that short, but just kind of average height. I think her eyebrows are also pretty striking, because they're permanently stuck in that "frown" which can be turned up in whatever expression depending on everything else going on in the face.

stillness: How does your OC act while still? Are they fidgety? Do they have any common gestures or tics? Does their clothing affect how they hold themselves while at rest?

Salice is the kind of person who can't really stay still but she tries for the sake of appearances. At most she will look at her wristwatch, or tap her foot if she's getting impatient. Alternatively she will cross her arms to amp up the "my patience is thinning" aura. This tends to be more or less the same regardless of how she dresses but she is definitely more "composed" when she's dressed up formally for work, while she's looser in her free time. But she always looks pissed off and like you are wasting her time by making her wait like that.

canvas: Does your OC have any scars, piercings, tattoos, or other markings? Do they display or cover them up at all?

Oooh she has a good quantity of both scars and tattoos! Scars come from all sorts of things. She has scars from magic rituals she committed to when she was a teenager on her forearms (part of her initiation and 'graudation' in the witch coven she was part of at the time) as well as scars from bar fights, scuffles, and street fights gone wrong all over her body. I'm not sure if it counts as a scar but she has a chipped right incisor from a bar fight she got into when she was in her 20s. Most other scars are from knives and scratches around her arms and torso area.

As for tattoos Salice has had traditional Croatian tattoos on her arms and forearms since she was 12, done on her by her grandmother Dragica at the time. The tattoos were usually done by the elder women of previous generations on the younger prepubescent children, and they were used to express identity as well warding off evils - they can also represent things like familial bonds and love. Salice is extremely proud of these tattoos even as an adult. She has a larger tattoo on her nape-upper back area she got in her early 30s as a way to feel "reconnected" to her culture. As you might expect, Salice has little to no care about what people think of her appearance, so she doesn't bother trying to cover up her scars nor her tattoos.

Salice as of current doesn't have any other piercings beside usual earring holes. She used to have more piercings when she was in university and going through her punk phase.

outerwear: What’s your OC’s outerwear situation? Jacket, sweater, cloak? What sort of weather do they deal with most and how do they protect themselves?

Since Salice is located in Brighton, UK, the weather she usually deals with is... meh-ish. It is definitely no mediterranean summer over there, even if there's still sea. But typically she will have layered fits, she never goes out without a jacket, even during summer. She likes having pockets where to put her things in (purses? what purses? bags? phssst!).

It always depends on the context. During workdays she dresses up to a T with her perfectly-ironed suit and tie looks, while during her free days she leans on "casual chic", with a bit of a wannabe-rebel streak to her, since she wants to separate her work and free time drastically. She'll even go as far as doing her hair differently for said different occasions - slicked back if formal, messy and rough if casual.

roots: Is your OC’s look inspired by any specific style of clothing or fashion trend? What are the roots and/or inspiration for their look?

Salice's looks have evolved a lot during the years, it's hard to pinpoint her specific inspirations because through her life she goes through many as well... in her adult self she mostly follow a yuppie aesthetic by trying to look as flawlessly expensive as possible since she's trying to uphold a (toxic) standard of masculinity she feels is fit for her job as a lawyer. This bleeds into how she ends up trying to look completely different in her free time as mentioned above, because she misses how free it felt to be punk and young (despite being pretty fake about it, she used to be genuinely more punk in uni).

However she also takes a lot of inspiration (and so do I) from LGBT Leather culture because she canonically worked in a BDSM dungeon to make some money on the side while she was still in university - she wasn't a sex worker but she came in contact with many such mistresses and doms whose style really influenced her own, especially the leather gay scene always hit close to home for her, but in her adult years she never found the time to actually put that influence somewhere because she represses that kind of side of herself a lot.

Uh, since I'm bad with words, the pinterest board might help a little but also not probably. There is 100% suggestive/sexual stuff in it so be warned lmao

wardrobe: How big is your character’s wardrobe? Do they wear things threadbare, or can they afford new clothes often? Are they any good at mending and repairing their own clothing?

Salice is kind of stinky rich with her occupation being as fruituous as it is, but at the same time she was raised by poor common people in the 60s and 70s. She grew up very frugal and by that logic, she's extremely greedy and tends not to spend more money than she has to, especially on outfits - she was taught by her mom and dad how to mend & repair her clothing when necessary and still does it to this day unless it's necessary that a tailor gets their hands on it.

That said when she does buy, she buys luxury because she knows she can affort it and how the more expensive something is the more it will last (not true for all things nowadays but keep in mind she lives in 1993 as an adult). She also did make-do with a lot of outfits during uni though, frequently buying second hand due to not having a lot of money for herself, as well as having hand-me-downs from her dad. So I guess her wardrobe isn't extravagantly big but what she does have is very expensive save from a few things or two.

hair: How does your OC wear their hair? Does it have some kind of meaning?

In coherence with her masculine style she also tends to keep her hair short as an adult but she used to have it much longer just until she was 25. Growing up conflicted about what was feminine and what wasn't, Salice let her hair grow because her mom expected it of her (and eventually Ceciljia gave up on this when Salice became independent), until she had her punk phase where she shaved her head entirely after trying to rock a mohawk for a few years.

She usually has it slicked back in professional environments, shiny with gel, while letting it loose and wild in casual settings. Her hair is also kind of wavy but it's hard to see when her hair is that short. Also, I usually draw her with near-black roots and body hair for no particular realistic reason other than I like the contrast with her hair color.

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What’s the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

I would probably say a sweater she got as a hand-me-down from her dad. Her dad used to be a sailor so it wasn't unusual for them to wear sweaters when approaching waters in the winter. This sweater was made by her grandmother on her father's side who she never met, as she died before she was born, but her dad let Salice have it before she expatriated to the UK for university. Salice rarely wears it and only does so at home, during winter.

change: Has your OC ever drastically changed their appearance? Significant haircuts, big tattoos, complete wardrobe swap, etc? Why? How do they feel about the change?

As I've mentioned plenty times by now, Salice used to have a "punk" phase in university (which admittedly was kind of poser of her, since she was still a law student and was too 'scared' to really sync with the punk subculture's ideologies) so she used to look much more alternative including with DIY piercings and a modest mohawk as well as scrappy clothes she put together herself, since she had to work simultaneously 2 jobs to keep herself afloat. Once it was time to graduate, Salice thought it was stupid to try and keep sticking around a subculture she kept feeling uneasy in - realizing she wasn't faithful enough to the ideals to be punk. In a sense she regrets it as an adult, but at the time, she's so capitalism-brained that she feels ultimately it was the only good choice she could make at the time.

What she owned of that time in terms of clothes she still mostly owns, but never wears it unless she wants to go out... that said, if it fits, because at the time she used to be a real lanky kid. Salice got buff later on after she landed her first few successful cases as an official lawyer (so like, 29-30 ish?), and with how buff she got, a lot of things she used to wear don't fit anymore...

[commanderfoxdeservesbetter]

Mando spoilers for S3E7 (you’ve been warned)

First it was Hevy

I literally cried because that was my first favorite clone and then he died

Then it was Hardcase

I straight up struggle watching the Umbara Arc because of his death

Then it was Thorn

And I’ll be honest with you: I will rewatch his last episode several times 1) because I love him and 2) I’m a masochist and 3) FOR THE REPUBLIC is the best last words a clone could have

And now

NOW

It’s PAZ

Paz Visla whom was one of my favorites since S1 and he goes out the same way my favorite clones go out

The same way the Hevy clones go out

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Either way, I want Hevy, Hardcase, and Thorn to take Paz in as they all March on because fuck you and fuck this show and I’m crying and he deserved to live and godDAMN IT I’m so pissed off I love the Mandalorian show

Either way, raise your hand if you get traumatized when a Hevy trooper decides to sacrifice his life and go out in a badass way, taking down several enemies with them

Hevy 🤝 Hardcase 🤝 Thorn 🤝 Paz Visla

It’s the fact that it’s happened 4 times within Star Wars and I STILL didn’t see it coming

[michaelnotwheeler]

i bite

hello goobers my name is james, preferably jams.

i am a transmasc minor and my preferred pronouns are he/it/they. i am a coyote, wolverine, and polar bear alterhuman. please dont use feminine terms for me, even terms for example, "queen" or "girl" used sarcastically can cause gender dysphoria for me and i would appreciate if you didnt, thank you.

i really like the classic thomas the tank engine show (britt allcroft) how to train your dragon, dhmis (dont hug me im scared) young royals, stranger things, animal crossing, back to the future, the outsiders, sesame street, anything muppet related (except for things recently produced by disney) fraggle rock, our flag means death, red white and royal blue, drew gooden, danny gonzalez.

i like to listen to the aubreys, marina, glass animals, odetari, cavetown, the cure, the hitcher soundtrack, tv girl, tame impala, carseat headrest, mitski, alex g, yaelokre, the smiths, stranger things soundtrack, current joys, tears for fears, weezer.

i am slowly becoming more and more of a theatre kid, i like to draw, either characters from a show i am hyper fixating on at that moment in time, or just gayness. i also like to write. and swim. and work in my dads shop. and bake. i also like to consume rubber bands. and earthworms.

please just dont interact if youre weird (in a creepy gross way) its not that difficult. im not uncomfortable if youre over 18 and interact, im just not comfortable if you ask personal questions, or are generally creepy and weird.

anyway enjoy this gif of grover being the most something youve ever seen

[m0e-ru]

fan reading the official trivia book voice "bro you're just making shit up"

[tiredassmage]

game must've heard me loudly thinking about the old gods zakuul lore fame this morning bc it decided i should definitely do the intro for gods from the machine (swtor bestie i cannot raid in college on what spoons and hours xD) but sfdknsfdlksf he's so pretty >.>

[cabozers]

If you follow us for rvb fanart I'm so sorry to tell you we pretty much never interact with the fandom because we're all from there as a source and everyone interprets everything differently than we do. We just do Not feel comfortable interacting with rvb fandom stuff most of the time since we feel like the show got a lot of shit wrong. Complicated relationship with source 💪

[frauleiiin]

Made my meow meow family in the sims 4! The two first girls are Juhann and Kyahni, my bounty hunter and trooper in swtor. The rest were only made in the character creation menu just to imagine their appearance.

So here some backstory of this family (disclaimer only two of them have names  💀). The cathar lady with white fur was a soldier of high rank and probably got promoted to general at some point, she has a lot of experience in the field but she is more of a diplomat. The cathar man with long hair is specialized in the field, been in countless battles, really a true soldier. As these stories go, these two met, worked together and fell in love (aww). Eventually they had a litter of three little cathars, two girls, one boy. Kyahni is the youngest, Juhann the middle child and then we got the big brother. While Juhann and the big bro are very similar to their father, Kyahni’s got more from her mother (the big heart). Kyahni is pretty much the people pleaser in this family, she gets along very well with everyone. But Juhann always had a difficult relationship with her brother. They all grew up in a Republic military base and were all meant to become soldiers. While they all were trained, one of them didn’t want to join the Republic forces.. Juhann. She always found Mandalorian History fascinating and thought they were as good warriors as Republic soldiers. She was tired of the Cathar specie being constantly associated with the Republic, she wanted to live her own life and be the only reason to her own success. Not her parents, not her specie, not the Republic. Her father and brother really didn’t take the news well from the decision of becoming a bounty hunter. They’ve had a really cold relationship since. Kyahni understood that decision but was sceptical, mom too but she was a bit less understanding. Considering that Mandalorians destroyed the Cathar homeplanet, it was a new hard to assimilate. Meanwhile, Kyahni and her brother both joined the Republic military. After a few years, I like to imagine they started to talk to each other again. Like the sisters attending to each other’s weddings<3 This backstory make the Kyahni and Aric relationship really important because it reminds her of her very own parents.