#if you want to hang out wearing comfy pants at midnight I’m all in

[fruitgoat]

Trying something new. Going to bed at 11:30pm.

Especially since the alarm will off at an ungodly hour so I can attempt to book my holiday cabin.

[lene-loki]

Never Too Close

Summary: After the events of Avengers: Endgame, (Y/N) Romanoff is mourning the death of her sister Natasha. She is unexpectedly finding comfort in the presence of someone who shares the pain of losing the people he loved.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff!Sister Reader

Warnings: Character Death, Spoiler for Avengers: Endgame, Angst, Grief, Suicidal Thoughts

Word Count: 2264 Words

A/N: I hope ya’ll liked this Imagine. Please let me know if you want to get tagged on future Imagines or Series that I want to write. This isn’t proofread and please excuse grammaticaly and verbal mistakes since English isn’t my mother tongue. And now please enjoy!! With Love, Léne xx

(Y/N) = Your Name

The pouring of the rain sounds like a faint whisper in the distance. When I close my eyes and listen precisely to the rustle I can almost hear the voice I long to hear. I open my eyes when the wind starts to blow into my ear, making my whole body shiver. A raindrop lands directly on top of my cheekbone and gets mixed up with a teardrop that escapes my eye. The wet droplet almost feels like a passing kiss. As if she is standing right beside me and kisses my tears away or maybe she cries from heaven herself and her tears end up on my face. I like to think that she watches me from above. Seeing my every move. Despite the rain a familiar warmth is spreading through my heart, making me feel safe and not alone anymore. My eyes blink the tears away, trying to focus on the words that are written on the wooden cross in front of me. The fact that her death is still so recent that she has to wait for a stone to mark her grave, makes me sob. I have looked so many times at that wooden cross that I started to hate it. She deserves a beautiful, carved stone. Not a dirty, broken cross where her name already starts to fade. But she has to wait. Her coffin isn’t set enough to put a heavy stone on top of the earth. I wipe the back of my hand over my tearstained cheeks before I kneel down in front of the grave. Everyday I bring a new kind of flowers by. Making the earth dissapear in a vibrant, little garden. It helps my own mental health to transform the place of grief into a little paradise for her. And I hope this is exactly where she’s at now. In a paradise. My eyes tear away from the flowers before I start counting them again like I always do. Because the number of the flowers is the number of the days since she passed away. My chest hurts, my heart starts to crumble inside when I once again think about the empty coffin under the ground. My sisters body dissapeard when she sacrificed herself to get the Soul Stone. Now all that remained of her is the memory.

Although it’s past midnight when I leave the graveyard I can’t help but to ring Clint out of his sleep - as well as his wife and his children probably. He picks up the phone with a yawn, his voice raspy from his deep sleep. He is the closest I have to family now and he knows. He always cared for me and Natasha and now that she’s gone he’s supporting me more than ever. Giving me a shoulder to cry on no matter how late it is. That is exactly whe he’s never annoyed when I call him at times like this. My loneliness leads the conversation as I tell him that I don’t know where to go. “Where are you right now, (Y/N)?” I shrug my shoulders even though he can’t see. “I think I’m near the Avengers compound.” My voice is barely louder than a whisper. My throats stil sore from my hour long crying at Natashas grave. “I can pick you up. You can stay at mines if you want.” He suggests and I can hear him fumbling with the bedsheets in the background. Ever since Natashas passing, I stayed at the Avengers compound in her former room. But sometimes it gets too much being surrounded by her memories and her whole life in just that little space. Everything in her room reminds me of her scent, her smile, her voice, the look in her eyes - especially that tiny twinkle in her iris that always appeared when she felt extremely proud of me. I have to pull myself together to not sob again and alarm Clint even more. As much as I want to escape from the compound for a little while, I don’t want to wear out Clints care for me. I feel like I already asked too much of him. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry that I woke you.” I swallow the lump down in my throat in hopes he doesn’t hear how near I am to losing it all again. He sighs at the other end. “You’re sure?” “Yes.”   “Okay, love. Don’t apologize for calling me.” His voice sounds so soft I could fall asleep immediately on the side of the road. He just has this soothing affect on me. I hang up after telling him that I love him and walk in the dim lights of the streetlamps to the compound.

Inside the building everything is pitch dark. The only light comes from Wandas room. It’s red and spreads in chaotic rays around the space of her own four walls. She surely is training her magic since she still hasn’t full control over her powers what burdened her more than usually the last couple of days. I decide not to disturb the Scarlet Witch and seek refuge in Natashas room. I really try to sleep but since Thanos happened my nights are as restless as my hurting heart. I’m still wide awake physically but dangerously exhausted mentally when I hear voices in the early morning hours in the kitchen. Wandas voice makes me wonder if she’s been awake the whole night as well. I leave the room in my short pyjama shorts and my plain white T-Shirt. I wouldn’t fall asleep anyway so I might as well just get up and start another day of inner misery. I round the corner to the kitchen island where Pepper placed a large bowl of exotic fruits on top. The blonde showed me a sad smile since she’s lost in her own grief. Pepper disappears out of the kitchen - leaving me alone with Wanda and a familiar brunette man which I recognize from Tony’s funeral. I can’t remeber his name but I recall the pained expression on his face and the devastated haze over his pupils. He seems like he always looks like pure misery. “Good morning.” I greet them both shyly since they haven’t notice me yet. Wanda immediately sends a heartful smile in my direction while the stranger’s corners of his mouth just twitch the slightest bit upward - almost to tiny to notice. I also perceive his new hairstyle. The last time I saw him he had messy, long waves. Longer than shoulder length and a full beard. Now he has his hair cut short and looking neat with his jawline covered in dark stubbles instead of the fullgrown beard. “Bucky, this is (Y/N). She is Natashas’ sister.” Wanda explains him in her thick, sokovian accent since he developed the same look of recognition on his face as me. Now the puzzle pieces click together. That is Bucky Barnes. Steves’ best friend and the other Super Soldier. His facial features unravel in realization. “Oh, right. Hello, (Y/N). Nice to meet you again and I’m... Sorry about your loss.” He frowns at the last part. “Thank you, it’s nice to see you again in less sorrowful circumstances.” I try to lighten up the mood a bit because I don’t want to start my day already with a bad encounter that reminds me once again how miserable I am inside. Unsure if we should shake hands, Bucky’s metal arm jerks briefly in my direction but he instantly lets it sink again - wrapping the room in an uncomfortable silence. “Well it was nice to see you again. I got to go now.” I excuse myself from the weird situation and leave without breakfast to go to my Natasha’s room. I still feel uncomfortable calling it my room since it was Natsha’s place to live for so many years. I didn’t completely lie to Bucky and Wanda since it’s a new day and time to pick up new flowers for my sisters grave. I change into comfy short, cotton pants and an old, blue pullover from Natashas wardrobe before I leave the compound.

I take a cab to the same  flower shop I visit everyday. Where even the owner knows me by name already. Today marks exactly thirty days since Natasha died. A whole month without my older sister by my side. I ordered a special type of flower for this occasion. A bouqet of beautiful Royal Azaleas - the most precious flowers of our native country Russia. As beautiful as Natasha and I like how it brings a bit of our home to her - making her little paradise even more exotic. At the graveyard I am so consumed in my own thoughts to where I’m going to place the Royal Azaleas on the ground in front of the wooden cross, that I don’t notice right away the broad figure a few feet away from me. He’s standing upset in his posture  and bent a little forward above a grave. It’s the back of his head - his freshly done hair and the colour of his shirt that gives him away and I realise that it’s Bucky. I decide against it to walk up to him since he’s mourning in his own world as well and obviously needs his space. My eyes tear away from the picture of the broken man in front of me and I finally walk straight up to Natashas grave. I crouch slightly to put my bag on the ground. I brought a little shovel to set the new flowers into the earth directly in front of the cross - making the Azaleas stand out from the rest. It is when I walk over to the well a few feet away from me to pick up the watering can, that Bucky notices he’s not alone. The can is filled to the brink and quite heavy in my hand as I carry it to Natashas grave, losing waterdrops on my way there. I silently water the flowers - careful not to drown them in the lack of strength I have in my hand that is holding the water can. The whole time I can feel his stare on me and I can almost feel his inner battle if he should come up to me or not. A few moments later he starts nervously walking up to me while I clean the little shovel to stow it away in my bag. “Do you still the need the watering can?” He asks hoarsely as he comes to a halt beside my bend over figure - blocking the sun out of my view which throws a few rays on the water droplets. Making them sparkle inbetween the flowers of Natashas floral paradise. “No.” I smile softly at him and stand up again. He returns my friendly grin and takes the water can but doesn’t leave straight away. He hesitates a second unsure of if he should leave me alone again, but somehow I long for company - not wanting to speak with the wind again and hallucinate about Natashas voice. “I lost everyone. Natasha was the only one left of my family. Although Clint supports the weight of my grief to make me feel like I’m not alone I still feel like it. I always felt like I’m alone in this world and deep down I don’t feel like I belong to the Avengers either. It was Natashas community. Not mine.” My eyes start to sting with upcoming tears while I open up to Bucky. I don’t really know why I do this. I guess I never felt so out of place and so lonely like I did in the past days and it scares me. Bucky clears his throat, his glance burning holes into my soul as he watches every slightest movement of my facial expressions. “I went through losing the people I love so many times that I lost count of it.” He blinks the tears away which threatens to fall from his eyes. “After Steve left to live the life with Peggy he always dramed to have, I officially got left alone. Steve was so much more than my friend. He was my brother.” He sniffs. “And now I’m searching for a sign - just something that keeps me in this life.” I let my tears run freely as I identify his words as my own feelings. And I realise that we are two souls hurting from the same experiences building a connection to one another through the desperation of having lost any strength to keep living. “Without wanting to get too close to you, I think you just as broken inside as me.” He speaks up. His eyes are swollen and red, still glossy from fresh tears which haven’t stopped being reproduced and leaking out of the corner of his eyes. I strangely feel comfort in the detail that his blue pullover matches mine. My heart starts to pick up a pace as I cross a vulnerable line between us and say: “I think you can never be too close to someone. I’m sure closeness is what we both need the most now.” I gift him a teary smile which he returns with a faint tint of red across his cheeks. Our encounter feels like a big step for the both of us - coming out of our shells we’ve been hiding in like anxious snails and I could feel it in the beating behind my ripcage that it was towards the right direction.

[beerecordings]

Marvin’s Cage - Part Five

One l Two l Three l Four

“Hey. Marv. Hey, wake up.”

He's dreaming about his cats and his bed. He's warm. It's nice. Hands shake him gently and someone's laughing.

“Marv. Dumbass. Get up, come on.”

“What?” he crabs, his eyes slitting open. “Go 'way.”

Wait, why are they all here? Are you kidding?

“Hey!” he snaps at all three of his brothers, shoving Chase's shoulders. “You dicks, get out of my room! Fuck, it's midnight!”

But they don't stop laughing and smiling at him. “Come on!” calls Jackie, grabbing his hands and yanking him forcefully out of bed. “It is now officially your birthday.”

“You're three!” teases Henrik. “Congrats!”

“Oh, so you're torturing me by waking me up? That's my present? We – ”

“We're taking you stargazing,” says Chase, stealing one of his hands from Jackie. “Get dressed and we'll go. I borrowed Stace's car. We can go to that clearing you like.”

Marvin stares, mouth parted. Jackie steps forward and closes it gently.

“What – all three of you?”

“Yeah, pal,” says Jackie, clapping his shoulder. “It's your special day.”

“Henrik, don't you have work?”

“Took the day off,” he answers, and, true to his word, he's wearing comfy sweatpants and a hoodie instead of scrubs. Marvin's not sure he's ever seen Henrik in a hoodie and sweatpants. “Or, well, the night, you know.”

“And Chase is awake?”

“And sober,” answers Chase mildly, hearing the rest of the question in the air around them. “We're all wanting to go, Marv. Look, I even packed nighttime dinner. Your favorite roast beef sandwich and raspberries and cocoa cookies and sodas.”

“Health disaster,” says Henrik, turning to leave his room. “You're going to love it. Let's go.”

Marvin scrambles to get his coat and pants on. He can't believe the way his heart is racing.

For the first time in a while, he thinks he might be excited for something.

They go to the park at one in the morning and eat and talk and watch the stars, just the four of them. Marvin shows off his magic without fear of anyone seeing or making fun and his brothers are enchanted, encouraging, laughing, awed, attentive. Chase made them food just like he always used to when he had any energy and he's clinging to Marvin's every word just like the old days, the two of them often resting side-by-side or their hands joined together. Marvin calls him his favorite star in the sky. He and Henrik talk for thirty minutes straight about physics and magic without once snapping at each other and things feel good and easy between them. Henrik kisses his cheek just for his birthday and tells him he loves him.

And Jackie is looking at him like –

Oh, wait.

For a second, all Marvin could see was that great glowing love in his eyes. This relieved adoration, this pride of his at seeing them all well and happy and in love with each other. This pride for his family.

But for a second, when Marvin turns away from the spinning, dancing night sky and meets Jackie's soft eyes fixed on him, he sees...

Fear.

Part of him is reaching out to his older brother the moment he sees it. Jackie is never afraid of anything, so what would make him scared about the four of them watching the stars together? About his family being together?

He realizes he doesn't want to know.

So his hand falls. He doesn't touch Jackie. Jackie blinks, realizing he's looking back at him, and returns to himself, smiling blankly. He turns quickly back to the sky.

Marvin looks away too. He won't let that unnerve him. He's got Chase and Henrik leaning against him and it's his birthday and everything's okay.

“Jackie,” he says, getting to his feet. He grabs his brother's hand. “Come on.”

“What?”

“Race you to the bottom?”

There's a hill in the park almost as tall as the trees. A straight path of grass leads to the bottom. Jackie laughs aloud.

“You are on, you little witch.”

He throws himself off the side of the hill like Buttercup after her pirate and Marvin follows after. They go tumbling down the hill like kids and he can hear Jackie howling with laughter, with the levity of it, with the stupidity and the unimportance and the relief. Their sleep pants are stained green with the grass and they wind up crashing together at the bottom, in the leaves and twigs of the trees, laughing on their backs and looking up at the stars. Jackie grabs Marvin's hand and then, a moment later, all but throws himself on top of his body and squeezes him so close that Marvin fears for his ribs. But it only lasts a moment.

Jackie draws away again. Neither of them say anything. Marvin takes his hand in return and they lie there.

They get milkshakes afterwards from a twenty-four hour diner, just to hear Henrik give them all a lecture about sugar. Jackie orders him a Snickers mix milkshake anyway and after a moment of regarding the cup warily, Henrik eats the whole thing with a sort of satisfaction Marvin knows he rarely gives himself.

“I have the day off tomorrow, too,” he tells Marvin as he finishes, looking over at him with those crystal blue eyes. Marvin is warm and full and drowsy and lost in his love for all of them, admiring them all. His little brothers grew up so lovely and clever. Three years, wow. He's lucky he's had them for most of that. “So we can hang out. Watch a movie, maybe.”

“Yeah, we could rent that new Wes Anderson one you wanted to see,” suggests Chase. “And we'll open your presents.”

Marvin sits up a little. “What – you're serious? We can hang out all day tomorrow, too?”

“Yeah,” agree both of his little brothers immediately.

“For your birthday,” adds Jackie gently, and Marvin looks over just in time to catch the perfect smile on the face of his tough, steady, wonderful older brother.

Shit, he really is sappy tonight. He laughs and leans his head on Chase's shoulder, sticking another spoonful of mint chocolate milkshake in his mouth.

“I'd really like that,” he says softly, letting his eyes close. “I really would.”

He's missed this.

.

Things were really, really hard there for a while.

When JJ was sick and he felt like he couldn't confide at all in the others, he was falling apart. There were a couple times he was even thinking about... well, it's not worth dwelling on. He didn't do anything rash and he's grateful now. He's finding his health and his joy again after months of guilty nausea and repeated panic attacks. No more sleeping whole days away or breaking down every time he looked at his brothers. He's coming to terms with his life, and not only that – he made change for the better.

After what felt like hundreds of agonizing decisions, he made one that has just about saved his life: he started to love Jameson Jackson.

His baby brother.

He started to take care of him.

And so it is that, returning from that trip to the park at three in the morning, Marvin finds himself pressing through that mirror in his bedroom – “I'm not so faraway,” he whispers as password, disappearing into the dimension beyond the glass – and going to see his JJ.

“Hey, penguin,” he says, smiling as he comes towards the box. “Hey, I know it's late, but we went to a diner and I got – James! Hey!”

He's crumpled on the floor of the box, white as bleach. Blood runs from his nose, enough to puddle on the floor beside him. Marvin's first instinct is to rush in there with him, but he knows better by now. He grips the bars of his cage and leans forward, panting.

“Petit-o,” he calls, voice shaking. “You gotta show me it's you and not Anti. Is he still in there with you?”

Jamie shifts slightly, fingers clutching at the wood of the floor, but his eyes don't open. Marvin swears and readies his magic, letting it burn against his fingers as he unlocks the side door and pushes inside.

“Penguin, hey.” He falls to his knees beside him and hauls him into his arms, stroking at his bloodied face. “I'm here, sugar. Fuck, I swear you're more sick every time he comes...”

He rocks JJ for long minutes, sitting back against the wall of the box and singing to him, stroking his hair. He swears at himself, breathing out deep. What's the point of keeping him here if he can't even keep Anti out?

(To keep JJ in. He knows. But the more attached he gets to him, the less that feels like enough.)

JJ stirs weakly and Marvin is shushing him before he's even fully conscious, rocking again. He knows Jamie wakes up scared every time Anti comes to “visit.” How he shakes and cries and tells Marvin the worst fucking stories about the things he did to him while he was Anti's prisoner instead of Marvin's. Marvin cups JJ's head to his chest.

“Brother,” JJ signs, clinging to his shirt a moment later. 'Brother,' simple as it is, is the closest thing Marvin has to a sign name. Sometimes he'll be M-Brother, but other than that, JJ only calls him that – 'brother.'

“I'm here, I promise,” says Marvin. “Is it just you? Is he gone?”

Jameson's head flops back like he'll pass out again. Marvin gasps and grabs his skull, holding him up. “James? Shit, you're hot. Oh, no, oh, no...”

Please don't be sick again. Please, please, please. When he had that cough that went so deep in his lungs and his fever spiked... Marvin almost brought him to Henrik. He was terrified for weeks.

“I've got you, I've got you.”

“Brother,” repeats JJ wearily. “No, it's just me. Just me.”

Marvin kisses his face, breathing out harshly. “That's good. How do you feel?”

“Just need to rest a little while, I think.”

He carries him over to his mattress and they lie down together. This more than anything else always soothes Jamie. Just being able to be beside him. The second they're done, weak as he is, JJ is wrapping himself around Marvin tight, tight, tight, arms and legs.

“Okay, octopus,” laughs Marvin, hugging him back. “I'm here. It's okay.”

“Sorry he came on your birthday,” signs JJ morosely.

Marvin draws back in surprise. “Hey. How'd you know about that?”

“He told me,” answers JJ, like it's obvious. Marvin feels his stomach twist a little.

“Why?”

JJ shrugs, shaking his head at him with those big, pretty-boy eyes. Marvin smiles, scratching at his beard.

“He's a creep,” he says.

JJ doesn't laugh, face reddening slightly. This is something they're working on – JJ's lasting fear of Anti. He doesn't make fun of him or criticize him, not even when he tells Marvin stories of torture. The worst part is when he says things like “but he did it because I was being bad.”

Marvin sighs and hugs him again. “I'm working on a way to keep him away from you.”

JJ looks up at him. He doesn't say anything or make a face, but Marvin sees the doubt in his eyes.

“I mean it, penguin. For the longest time, all the spells I was looking at required two people, and I didn't have anyone I could trust. But my friend Quinton, well, his cousin Therese is in town for a couple weeks, and they're both magicians. Turns out she's very well-versed in possession magic and mental shit like that. I think she might be able to help me get something done.”

“I'm just glad you're here,” says JJ. “Happy birthday. Got you something.”

“What? Did you? In here?”

What could he have got him in here?

“Well, it's a little silly,” says JJ, beginning to sit up a little. “You don't have to... listen.”

“No, no, sugar, I'm sure it's great,” says Marvin, sitting up with him. “I just wasn't expecting it.”

Jamie smiles at him uncertainly and points beside Marvin, where a worn violin rests on the wall beside them, opening and closing his hand to say “give.”

Marvin blinks.

“You wrote something for me,” he says.

JJ smiles at him.

That... that’s too much.

Marvin draws slightly back, unsettled. Jameson's face falls, his eyes widening. He clutches his hands against his stomach, immediately beginning to shake.

“No, it's – don't, okay? Don't do that. You freak out real easy sometimes and it's not – JJ, no.”

That was the wrong thing to say. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” JJ signs rapidly, eyes slightly blown. “I'm not freaking out. I won't. I'm good, I promise promise promise promise promise – ”

“Babe.” Marvin grips his fingers. “Stop. Breathe.”

JJ tries. There's this horrible, too-wide smile on his face that Marvin recognizes all too well – his “please don't leave me, I can be good” smile. No matter how much time he spends with him, it's always there the moment JJ thinks he's done anything wrong.

“Just calm down. It's okay.”

JJ nods immediately, giving Marvin his best puppy-dog eyes, just like Anti taught him. Marvin's gut rolls.

Things have come so far between them, but... shit, this kid wrote him a song. It's... too much. Overwhelming and intimate. He wanted to make things better between them, but he's just getting so, so attached. He doesn't think he can take it.

“I brought you pie,” he says gently. He hands it to him and some of the panic melts off JJ's shoulders as he takes it. He doesn't get presents when he's bad. “You’re a darling, but it's real late. I think I better get to bed, okay? And you too. You're not feeling good.”

“Couldn't you... no.”

He saw it in JJ's face that he was about to ask him to stay with him for the night. It's something he's done only a couple times, but Marvin knows he's wanted it for the longest time. Wanted it desperately.

“My brothers and I are going to hang out tomorrow, so they'll look for me in the morning,” explains Marvin. “Maybe another night, though.”

He's said this every time JJ's asked. They've never done it, though.

It's too much.

“Good night, penguin. I'll come see you again tomorrow.”

“Okay, Brother.”

Marvin kisses his forehead and draws away, leaving him with a smile.

“I love you,” signs JJ.

“Sleep tight, starlight,” answers Marvin softly, stepping out of the cage.

He heads back towards the mirror. He thinks that JJ thinks he's gone even before he goes through – that's probably why he hears his little brother throw his violin at the wall of his prison before he's even made it back in his room.

And Marvin's stomach rolls, but he doesn't go back.

He wants to be his friend – wants to be his brother, even – but he's not ready to love him the way he loves the others. He couldn't do this to them. He has to do it to JJ. He can't love him like that. Can't.

JJ knows that.

He's known it for every single day of his life.

Not worth loving.

He stares out at his reflection in the endless mirrors on his every side, seeing his caged face in the glass, and cries his despair at the stupid, broken, useless person who looks back at him.

.

“You sure about this, Jackie?”

“I just want to get a quick look around. Make sure there's nothing in there that shouldn't be. He got so sick. And so...”

“I know the secrets are what kill you. But it's his private place. He doesn't like people in there even when he's there too.”

“Schneep, he makes it clearer and clearer every day that he has no plans to tell us anything about what's going on, and he's only barely starting to get any color back. He could relapse on whatever this is – drugs, purging, some guy treating him like shit. I can't watch another brother get addicted to something and fall apart without even trying to stop it. I just – I just can't.”

“Jackie...”

“You get that. I know you get that. Schneep. Hey. Look at me.”

“Fine, yes... okay, I get that. I think you should check his room.”

“I'll be fast. Just keep him watching the movie and I'll slip in. Five minutes to look around and I'm out again.”

“And if you find something?”

“Then we'll figure it out from there. Together.”

“That was cheesy.”

“You're cheesy.”

“Good one.”

“Go watch your movie, you little ass. I'll see you in a little while. Hey – hey. I love you.”

“I love you too, cheeseball. Hey, just be quick in there. We don't want to risk seeing Marvin upset on his birthday of all days. Okay?”

“Got it.”

In the living room, he can hear Chase and Marvin chatting while their movie plays. He watches Henrik head towards them, pushing his glasses up on his face.

Then he turns to Marvin's room, and he slips inside.

.

Marvin and Chase and Henrik watch a movie about dogs.

It's not really about the movie. It's about the time. They're one of those families that always talks through movies, and Jackie can hear them from the other room, chattering and laughing and sharing – okay, stealing – popcorn. They haven't had enough time for each other lately. Once this is over, he'll go out and sit with them too. See if they can't squish all four of them together on the couch and just spend time together again. At ease. Friends.

That's all he wants. Anyway, everything looks normal in Marvin's room. There's nothing more concerning than a pen knife, Melatonin, and several terrifying-looking magical books scattered around the room, but that's all par-for-the-course with his little brother. Jackie runs his fingers over a picture of the pair of them and Jack together, smiling down at him. He acts so tough, but his witch is a cheeseball too. They're two pieces of the same heart, if you want to know Jackie's opinion. When he was young and all but alone, Marvin was what made the world worth living in.

He sets the picture down on the dresser and takes one more look around the room. He looked under and inside the mattress, checked the drawers, looked for hiding places in the walls and floors. He smiles at himself in the mirror, letting out a breath of relief. He lets his fingers ghost across its surface too. He's tactile, Jackie. Needs to touch everything. There's a familiarity to this mirror.

They used to use it together, you know. Marvin and Jackie. After Jack moved to England, they stayed in Ireland for a few months. They would go see him through the glass. It was easy. Marvin set up the magic and he gave Jackie the password. After they moved to Brighton, they stopped using it.

There's nothing back there now.

Right?

Still, he's feeling nostalgic. He wonders if maybe it would still take him to Jack's house. Or if that long hallway of mirrors is still the same. They used to race through it together, chattering about seeing their friend again. Back when he was awake... back when Marvin was just his little brother in a cheap cape, trusting him with everything... back when things were easy.

He pushes his hands against the mirror.

Marvin laughs in the other room and the others join in. Jackie smiles. He loves them. He'll just take a quick look, and then he'll go sit with them, and steal all their popcorn, and laugh when they laugh.

“I'm not so faraway,” he whispers.

His hand passes through the mirror.

And oh.

Oh.

There is something back there.

There is someone back there.

They are playing a melody on a violin, a song as warm and as sweet as tea in the winter. There is a bitterness underneath. Lemon tea. A love song. A song of despair.

A birthday song.

This is the moment Jackie's world dies.

[ko-fanatic]

Blood, Guts and Chocolate Cake (Part 2)

Rating: Mature

Fandom: Danganronpa

Pairings: IshiMondo

Summary:

It seemed after the night before, Ishimaru was back to routine. The issue? Mondo wasn't previously aware of said routine.

TW: Alcohol, and eating disorders (both restrictive behaviours and B/P), mentions of disability, underage sex/sexualisation, drugs

Other parts: Part one

A/N: So, I reference a small headcanon of mine that Mondo has asthma. So fed up of it being seen as a "nerd" condition, so... The boi now has it. Not severe, but still.

Mondo made the executive decision to stay sleeping on the couch that night. Not that he was that bad off - the suite was VIP, after all, and the couch was comfy. he was a just bit miffed that, firstly, he had to do that in the first place because Mr Pretty Boy wanted to go clubbing, and secondly, there was a plush, California king sized bed in his room which was being tragically wasted. He hadn’t exactly had many chances to experience that sort of luxury, and he’d slept like the dead the past few nights. 

Maybe that was a problem. Had he just not realised? Some “Ultimate Bodyguard”, if that was the case. Shit… Little asshole, making him question things and get all shaky and crap. It might’ve had very little to do with Ishimaru, in full honesty, but he was too tired to think it through clearly. 

At least he did manage to get some sleep, despite being slightly cramped. He was over six feet tall, after all; not exactly made for sleeping on the couch. He’d even managed a rare, pleasant dream; dogs and cotton candy, Daiya’s obnoxious laugh and hanging with their friends in one of the many abandoned buildings they used as hangouts. They were such edgy little shits, but it wasn’t like anyone cared about the disused factories and crap. 

He’d been reliving the time Takemichi got his tongue piercing stuck in his jumper (somehow, Mondo still didn’t know how the hell someone did that), when he awoke. It wasn’t some crash or anything, just the usual sounds of someone pottering around, getting ready for the day. 

He groaned as he sat up, head pounding. He still felt exhausted, and he’d definitely drooled in his sleep. He turned to the window, and realised… It was still dark. Fucking really? After Mondo told him he wasn’t going out?

“Hold it right there,” He began, hoisting himself to his feet, doing his best not to fall straight over again, “I thought I said -”

Oh. He wasn’t wearing the tight jeans and such he was the night before. 

Ishimaru raised an immaculate eyebrow at him from where he was tying his trainers. “Relax, I’m going for a run,” He huffed, “I might as well get on with my regular routine, since someone -”

“I’m gonna cut you off right there, kid,” He grumbled, stretching out his back and arms, “What time is it? Sun’s not even out yet…”

“Owada-san, it’s winter,” The kid sighed, a deadpan look on his face, “It’s about 5:15AM.”

It was a damn good job he wasn’t drinking anything - he would have choked on it. Who the fuck even wakes up at five in the fucking morning, let alone after being awake at midnight? Not to mention the clothes. Mondo was praying, if the kid really was going to work out in some way, it’d be in a gym. Heating, shelter from the elements, a bench he could probably catch some z’s on because it’s not like anywhere’s going to be busy at five in the morning -

“Now, if you excuse me, I’m late for my run,” Ishimaru waved off, going to open the door before Mondo reached above him, slamming it closed once more. For a guy who worked out pretty constantly, it was pretty effortless to overpower his grip. Eh, guess that what comes from having lithe muscle for aesthetics, rather than the bulky stuff for actual strength. Not to mention the lack of warning  -

No, that shit could wait until later. Fucking focus, Mondo!

“You said routine… Have ya really been sneaking out every day?!” He demanded. He could’ve been a little softer about it, sure, but you have to understand; this wasn’t a good start to the job, especially if shit got out. Was he being overly paranoid? Yes. Did he not have a reason to be? He abso-fucking-lutely did! 

“It’s not sneaking anywhere,” The idol groaned, sounding very much like the stereotypical teenager in that moment, “I’m an idol. As such, I have an intensive exercise routine to stay trim, not to mention fit enough to perform my high-energy choreography. I just don’t see the need to wake you and have an irritable tough guy around me, when I can easily complete my run without dragging you the whole five miles.”

Five fucking miles?!

Oh, today was going to suck. Today was going to kick his ass and run him over with a truck. All because an idol needed to “stay trim”. Fuck, if the kid was any trimmer, he doubted he’d have any skin left. 

“Were the idols you guarded before babysat so extensively?” He kid questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

“In all fairness, you’re the youngest client I’ve had,” He grumbled, scrubbing his hand over his tired eyes, “But kid, you’ve got to tell me when you run off. Don’t care what for. You being famous, and pretty, and so skinny… I wasn’t kidding about my worry last night. Celebrities get murdered… Or worse.”

“You think… I’m…” The kid shook his head, cheeks red, gaze staring holes into his trainers, “I understand. I don’t like it - it’s suffocating! But… I see the logic.”

Mondo smiled, turning back to his room. He had to find some clothes that passed as exercise gear… 

---

Mondo knew someone had it out for him. 

He was wheezing as he jogged, trying to keep pace with Mr Trim in front of him, but lagging behind somewhat pitifully. He had his inhaler in his bag - he wasn’t that much of a dumbass - but holy fuck if this wasn’t torture. He didn’t do track in middle school. He was more than content to work on his strength and brawling skill. 

Speaking about things he was more than willing to do; laying down in the road, waiting for the next car to come along and end his misery, was getting far too attractive. 

Conversely, Ishimaru was just about breaking a sweat, panting. His insides weren’t threatening to become his outsides like Mondo’s were. Kid either had a stomach of steel, or he was just a lot more used to this shit than Mondo was - namely, the extensive train travel and exercise. 

Actually, considering the whole “Ultimate Idol” thing, it was most likely the latter. 

That was when his legs noped out of the situation, sending him stumbling and falling. He didn’t cry out, per se, so much as let out a manly grunt of surprise. 

Who was he fucking kidding? Ishimaru heard him through his headphones and blaring music. 

“Owada -san!” He called, rushing to his side in an instant, “Are you hurt?! Can you speak?! What’s wrong?!”

Ugh, so loud. 

“What’s wrong,” He grunted, “Is that someone is punishing me!” 

Maybe a tad dramatic, but holy hell! Fuck five miles, it felt like he’d run a marathon. 

“I don’t know if I royally pissed off someone up there -!”

He pointed an accusatory finger at the idol.

“Or someone down here! Like, sorry kid, but I give! Just doing my fucking job!”

Mondo watched the idol’s carefully cute and prim expression crack apart, his dignified (if far too loud) concern quickly falling into laughter and snorts. He had half a mind to be rather offended, but the carefully crafted exterior melting into those cute as hell snorts and chortling… That wasn’t even mentioning the look on the idol’s face. Pure fucking sunshine. 

Could he not be a queer disaster for five fucking minutes?!

“You’re rather funny, Owada-san,” Ishimaru chuckled. 

“Mondo.”

“Huh?” The idol barely breathed - lord above, give him strength - staring at him wide-eyed. Of course, that tends to be what happened when he let his tongue go before his brain.

“Ya can call me Mondo, none of that ‘Owada-san’ crap,” He grumbled, and he will eternally blame the heat in his cheeks on the marathon he was sure the other dragged him through.

“Oh! Well, in that case… You can call me Taka!” The kid - Taka, Goddamnit that’s cute - grinned. He was going to have to invest in those cheesy, stereotypical sunglasses if the kid was just going to unleash that megawatt smile on him without a shred of warning. Then, the kick to the crotch he really needed in that moment - 

“Now, as you’ve caught your breath, we should keep going! Obviously such a long break isn’t ideal for cardio, but we can still -”

He just flopped down once more, groaning like a man dying.

“I said sorry, didn’t I?! Ya don’t need to keep punishing me! I fucking give!” 

“Mondo,” Kiyotaka sighed, standing once more and looking at his FitBit, “Do you want to know how many miles of my morning run we’ve completed?” 

“I don’t know, ten, you animal!”

He was sent a rather disapproving, levelling look. “Two,” Taka deadpanned, “We’ve got three miles to go.”

That truck Mondo mentioned? The one the day was going to run him over with?

Yeah, it reversed for another hit.

[baekhypnotized]

hit the lotto [M]

casino every Friday night with Baekhyun, he is really confident to win on every game and yes, he does. since you’re getting bored while watching him winning, you try to tease him but he ignores you. by being a bad girl, you silently angry with him and leave to the washroom. never thought Baekhyun would hit the lotto as he explodes in you. 

GENRE: smut, romance, oneshot, lotto!baekhyun

PAIRING: byun baekhyun x you/fem reader

WARNING(S): fingering, blowjob, sex, dom!baekhyun, sub!reader

WORDS: 2.1k+

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This oneshot fic is inspired by my mutuals’ tweet so I tried to challenge myself to write another smut short fic. Hope you guys like it and please don’t mind the errors and enjoy :)

Friday night finally comes when Baekhyun brings you out to the same place, the casino. despite he owns tons of cash but making everyone lose right in his hands makes him satisfied while you are just simply sitting comfortably on his lap as your back rest on top of his chest. 

Watching them trying to win every match, you find it’s getting boring but you never have the guts to actually say no to his invitation. Because this activity has become a regular one in our lives. You always wanted to have a midnight drive with him around the city or even binge Netflix while cuddling on the big, comfy bed. But instead, you’re here. Witnessing Baekhyun tries to win even though the title has become his for a long time now. 

“Blow it,” Baekhyun says huskily. You were surprised when he suddenly knocks you off from your thoughts. Also, when he demands you to do something, our heart skips a beat. You are pretty shocked by his words, biting your lower lip hesitating by his instructions. 

He suddenly brings the dice closer to your face as you can see his rings shining brightly as the light hits them. “Blow the dice, baby. Let’s see how’s your luck for tonight.”

You obey, blowing softly on the dices at his hand and once you’re done, you display your puppy eyes at him. Baekhyun gives you a peck on your lips before throwing the dices on the gaming table. 

Baekhyun would willingly spend his hours for continuous rounds but up until one point, you tend to feel bored. You prop your right arm to support your cheek, you blankly stare at the playing cards and the chips on the table.

Trying to persuade him to do something else, you slowly move your hips and eventually rub yourself onto his clothed crotch. You can hear his breath hitch for a few seconds before he bends closer to me, moving his lips closer to my ear. “Stop moving, baby. I need to focus on the game.” Then, he nips softly on my nape before focusing back on the game. 

“But, Baekhyun,” You mutter his name but it’s audible enough for him to listen as you grab his hand and bring it over to your panties. Since he always likes me wearing spaghetti strap dresses, the lengths are perfect enough to cover your thighs. “I’m already wet,” You confess, hoping he gives the reaction that you are waiting for. 

You slowly guide his hand to palm your crotch, causing you to mewl softly. He quickly pulls away from his hand and when you turn around to look at his expression, Baekhyun simply ignores you and focuses back in the game.

Sighing frustratedly, you hop off from his lap. “I’m going to the washroom.” You inform him and turn to face his bodyguards. “You guys just stay here and I’ll be back.” You instruct and before leaving the game table, you roll your eyes at Baekhyun even though he still ignores you. 

Passing through the big hall where there are plenty more game tables, you find your way to the restroom feeling annoyed. Why? Because Byun fucking Baekhyun ignores the hell out of you and second, people keep on messing your way when they bumped you by the shoulders. 

The restroom is pretty dim. The light makes the big restroom look scary in red colour. But, the vibes in here it’s kinda hot. Since there’s no one here, you're pretty sure you’re probably staying here for a couple of minutes. Well, probably handle your drenched pussy and release it. 

Taking out your phone from the purse, deciding to snap some photos by the reflection on the mirror as you pose. Suddenly, the door opens slowly which makes you jolt in surprise. You thought it’s just another guest going to use the restroom but instead, it’s him.

Baekhyun, the one that makes you frustrated tonight. 

He was literally wearing a black with red stripes pattern on it, a belt strapping around his waist. Tonight, he lets his glistening chest expose a bit, a silver necklace hanging right on it. Baekhyun’s red hair looks messy yet he still looks good. Black tight pants that he always wears displaying his thick thighs. 

“Why are you here?” You scoff softly, but for sure he still can listen to it. “I thought you’re busy with the game,” Rolling your eyes again as you mock him. You can hear Baekhyun chuckles, walking slowly towards you and eventually, you feel your heart quickening every time he steps one by one closer to you. 

He pushes your body by the sink, cupping your cheeks with his hand as he forces you to look at the mirror. You can see the two of you guys reflecting where Baekhyun is watching you intensely. He bends closer to tease your nape with wet kisses while his other hand caresses your thigh, trailing upwards until he meets your clothed crotch.

“You tell me that you’re wet, huh?” He asks you with a low tone. You simply nod your head but instead, you receive a smack on your buttcheek. You gasp loudly, gripping your knuckles together to suppress the pain. “Use your words, kitten.” 

“Y-yes…” 

You can see that Baekhyun gives you a lopsided smile as he lifts your dress up to reveal your buttcheeks. He caresses the same spot in the circle to soothe the pain and when you thought he would stop, you’re completely wrong. Baekhyun continues to spank you with his palm as you hide your face on the countertop. 

“I. ask. you. to. behave. and. be. a. good. girl.” Baekhyun spanks you with every syllable word but you keep your mouth shut while whimpering through the pain. The spanks are strong enough to make you tear up and apart from that, you find your walls clenching with the thoughts of the spankings. 

“So kitten, are you going to disobey me again?” He stops spanking you as he caresses your sting buttcheek and for sure, it will leave marks after this.

“N-no…” You reply, sobbing a bit as you wipe your tears away. Baekhyun’s chuckles can be heard clearly. He brings his hand back to my crotch, palming your south and he teases by poking a finger at your clothed pussy. 

Baekhyun uses his foot to spread your legs apart and while he sneaks in his hand into your panties to trail his fingers on your sensitive folds. You can hear the sound of metal clinking as he unbuckles his belt.

For sure, your heart already beating so fast, thinking that Baekhyun’s going to fuck you here in the washroom. As you know, he would already ask his bodyguards to guard the washroom, blocking people from entering and that would leave the two of you alone.

He finds your clit, playing it with his thumb that makes you start moaning. Baekhyun still trails his fingers along your folds, teasingly poking your entrance that eventually makes your walls clench, as your liquid starts flowing out and pooling the panties and his fingers.

You can hear him humming in appreciation. Pulling the panties away as it pools on the floor, he inserts two fingers without any warning. You arch your back in surprise. Your inner walls are clenching around his digits as he tries to get them to find your sensitive spot. Moving your hips closer to him, you hope that Baekhyun will speed up. 

“S-shit, Baekhyun…” You gasp softly as when you almost reach the peak, Baekhyun pulls out his fingers and quickly replaces it with his thick cock into your cunt from behind without any warning. You grip your knuckles until they turn white, begin to moan when the feeling of his member filling you inside. 

Baekhyun thrusts his big girth hard in your pussy, grunting when he tries to push through your inner walls. He leans over to trail kisses along your jawline and down to your nape as he sucks onto your sensitive spot that makes you gasp softly. You bend over the counter, trying to suppress the pleasure that he gives when Baekhyun doesn’t stop ramming his entire length in you from behind. 

He gives powerful thrusts relentlessly, your muscles clench around his thick dick involuntarily. Baekhyun gathers your hair to your right side and when he comes closer to your ear as he grunts. His hand flies and swat your buttcheek with his palm. Unconsciously, you wince in pain but at the same time, it gives you another wave of pleasure. 

“I-I’m alm—” You try to confess but Baekhyun wraps his calloused hand around your neck as he starts to put pressure. Then, he slips his index finger in your mouth to keep it shut, at the same time, you can finally taste his silver ring with your tongue. 

Grunting again, he commands. “Don’t dare to cum without my permission, baby.” Baekhyun pushes his tip deeper to hit your weak spot while he couldn’t stop plunging his cock in your tight pussy. You can feel every edge of his member as you try your best to hold yourself from releasing it. Suddenly, he slips out his girth from your cunt. 

Your breathing becomes uneven and you’re about to throw a riot because he stops. Swiftly, Baekhyun turns you over to face him as he forces you to kneel right in front of him. “Stuck your tongue out, kitten.” You do as he tells you. He grips your hair with his hand, shoving his dick into your mouth. 

“I want you to take it all,” Baekhyun tells you, thrusting his dick deeper into your wet cavern and when his tip hits the back of your throat, you almost gag on it. Tears start to form at the edges of your eyes but you continue to lick his dick with all your might, feeling his protruding veins. His breathing is loud and rough but as he’s still unsatisfied, he pushes your head closer to his groin. 

You choke in the breath as Baekhyun moves his hips in a quick pace. When he looks down at you, seeing you suffer, a smirking plaster on his face. Bringing your hand slowly, you cup his balls that make him moan louder. Baekhyun caresses your cheeks with his hand, feeling the cold sensation of his Rolex. As you detect that his almost near his climax as his cock twitches, he pulls it out from your mouth. Some of your salivae dripping out and you can taste his salty precum. 

Baekhyun lifts you up and places you on the counter, pushes his tip between my folds and into my pussy in one quick move. A wanton mewl escape from your mouth, your eyes roll to the back of your head when he starts shoving his entire length into your tight cunt. 

“You’re so…” He breathlessly confesses, “tight.”

Your mouth parts as the same arousal rush in you again. Baekhyun thrusts relentlessly through your walls and when your knot tightens more in your stomach, he again wraps your neck with his hand. He chokes you, tries to block your airway when you finally reach your climax. 

“C-Can I c-cum?...” You stutter as you ask him. He doesn’t utter any words but instead, he nods his head. Another powerful single thrust, you explode around his cock and at the same time, he shoots his warm cum, feeling your womb. You gasp softly as your walls keep on clenching around his member and for sure, the mixed cums must be leaking out from your pussy. 

Baekhyun leans over to devour your lips for a sloppy kiss, sliding his tongue into your wet cavern as he explores you. Unconsciously, he pushes his dick deeper inside you that causes you to moan. He cups your cheek to indulge you deeper and when the two of you short in breathing, he breaks the kiss. 

Both of you panting heavily from the aftermath of sex in the restroom and when Baekhyun pulls out slowly his cock from your pussy, you gasp as you feel the emptiness. His eyes dilate because he sees the glistening liquid dripping out from your pussy that makes him lick his bottom lip lusciously. 

He takes the toilet paper towel to wipe you off before he helps you to stand on the floor. You wear your panties back and try to look good but instead, your face glowing brightly because Baekhyun just gives you the best fuck even though it was short. 

“So tell me,” You take one step closer to him, playing with his loose tie around his neck as you pull it lightly. “Did you win the game?” You ask him. 

Baekhyun chuckles huskily with a smug smile spreads across his dashing face. “I hit the lottos tonight because I won of course and also,” He pauses for a few seconds, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as he continues, “I got to fuck you for being such a bad kitten tonight.” 

[void-tiger]

Tagged by @curiosity-killed (thanks for the tag!!)

roses or daisies:

DAISIES!!! They’re so simple and cheery have just as many colors and look delicate but are actually really tenacious? Also, how charming is Day’s Eye (and asters in general having the habit of facing eachother if they’re not turned towards the light--I think I have a picture of dahlias doing this from last autumn--and like. Star Flower. Okay, I’ll shut up now xD )

classical or lofi:

...okay so I admit I had to look this one up. But easily some of my favorite tracks are those Hidden Ones that bands plop onto their albums to fill up leftover space, but are often basically just scrapped recording or practice sessions? The bloopers and their creative process, basically. Cut to me googling and youtubing it and finding hiphop lofi and...yeah! Definitely Lofi.

(Classical vs OST and Modern Classical (that’s composed to be a lot more cinematic) just...really puts me on edge. It’s too mathematical...to put it nicely.)

So...yeah. Slow beats and something that sounds experimental or like a jamming session? It’s soothing and kinda ideal for background noise.

sunrises or sunsets:

Sunset. One, never ever gonna be a “morning person”. Forget it. Two, sunsets often have more dramatic colors and still make the landscape glow and you get to see stars peeping out vs fading. Also, y’know. I’m actually awake to appreciate it vs groggy and legit physically ill.

honey or lemon:

Honey as a condiment. Lemon for sweets flavor. (Baklava’s probably the exception...then again I haven’t had that many honey-flavored sweets, I guess? But Lemon-Poppyseed?? Definitely one of my favorites,)

coffee or tea:

Coffee. I adore tea service aesthetics and will someday probably collect them (especially the really quirky or earthen or blownglass ones vs the froufrou european ones)...buuuut, I just haven’t really had A Good Cuppa Tea much at all. There was this spiced tea I’ve had in Jordan that was AMAZING and I do like greentea (with...A LOT of sugar or honey...) but. I’ve just never really had tea. My family’s coffee drinkers, so the smell of coffee is nostalgic. (And yes, I’m basic enough that I prefer flavored, sweetened creamers; and my coffee brewed or spiced with, like, cinnamon and nutmeg, too. Or as a mocha.)

...I also have a Bad Habit of abandoning my Herbal “Teas” with the bags either left steeping too long (I have gotten better at using a timer) or while waiting for them to cool. And while I’d just really love it for Uncle Iroh to make me tea (provided he doesn’t get on my case about wanting sugar and maybe cream), the Times and Temperatures are just so dang fussy!! I...don’t think I have the patience for that.

enemies to lovers or friends to lovers:

Friends to Lovers. I just...don’t Get It with the sexual tension~ that seems to be the driving force behind enemies to lovers...I guess?? (That, and unless it’s literally on a battlefield, HARD PASS. I’ve had people try to blow off my complaints about getting repeatedly tormented as “he liiiiiikes you~” bullshit to ever be comfortable with it as anything but Legit Two Sides Of A Battle/Political Conflict. Sorry.)

But, Friends to Lovers? That Bond. And then the ...Oh. The domesticity and trust and safety. Also it is RIPE for Idiots to Lovers mutual pining xD

(bonus points if both parties decide ahead of time, “hey. even if dating doesn’t work out I still value your friendship in my life, so no pressure about ‘ruining things,’“ And then, of course, it does work out and there was nothing to be anxious about, after all.)

rainy days or sunny days:

...cop out but, overcast days with Soft Sunlight and Cloudbreaks?? I do like a clear skies sunny day, but, my eyes are also so sensitive to light that it can be painful. Rainy days can be soothing...but the rain has to be A Certain Way. Too heavy and with too much wind behind it and it can get me anxious. (My childhood home had Every Rain is Severe Weather...with no place to shelter. It’s gonna take awhile before i can appreciate it like i’d want.)

jupiter or mars:

Jupiter. GIANT. DEADLY. MARBLE (that wants to eeeaaat meeeee...) Also Pluto, and the jovian moons.

aphrodite or athena:

Athena!! She’s an ace icon, aight?? And also strikes me as...very, very Tired with everyone’s bullshit. Also...all the greek gods are kinda assholes. So. Yeah. She ain’t perfect and her characterization’s at the mercy of whatever myth in question, but generally she strikes me as practical and sensible and having Mercy...sometimes. As much as that group is capable of it, anyway...

rome or greece:

...probably Ancient Rome as a “ancient culture to explore but a YIKES (but. so is ancient greece.)” But visiting IRL in the present? Greece.

sun or moon:

Moon. I appreciate what the sun does and I do like feeling sunlight and all that...but, I’m also a night person. And I can look at the moon without risk of blindness and admire its corona and that rainbow corona you can see just a bit further out if you know where and how to look. BUT. The moon easily loses out to a starfield, especially if the light pollution and humidity are both low enough that ya get to actually see the milky way’s galaxy arm. (The irony that the sun IS our local star does not elude me.)

1920s or 1990s:

...neither?? 90s only slightly win out ‘cause I’m a ‘93 Kid and the 90s and 00s had some incredible toys and cartoons. And, idk. I still like overall pants and shorts. Always have. While a flapper dress would be “oooh pretty! starlight beading! Now OFF. Back to regular clothes for ‘Sporing or Comfy Lounging.”

blizzard or thunderstorm:

Blizzard. Also. Have you considered...thundersnow??

(Admittedly? I’ve also never been through a snowstorm that threatened by health&safety. The same cannot be said about thunderstorms when nearly every one could or would spawn tornados and severe straightline winds that could knock down trees and powerlines and sometimes even damage homes. While living in a home with NO safe place to shelter. Not even an interior closet or bathroom. NOT. FUN.)

midnight memories or made in the am:

...what?? [googles] ...OH...they’re...albums. UH. Neither?? (I don’t listen to them...?)

sage green or vanilla white:

Sage green. It’s kinda a nostalgic color somehow? Also. Just not a fan of monochrome...at all. I see it? I instantly want it to be a backdrop. Negative space. For COLOR. (jewel tones for whites/light neutrals and browns; NEONS for blacks and dark greys. Preference for Jewel Tones over Neons...wait. What was the question again??? OH YEAH..uh... I do like vanilla icecream? With rainbow sprinkles. Or...paired with hot fruit pie or cobbler. Or cookies. Um...yeah I should prolly shutup now. xD )

folklore or lover:

...I don’t...understand??? But...I like Folkslore as in...folklore??? Fairytales, Legends, Myths... (also, so frikkin ace I’m just. not ever gonna pick “lover”)

croissant or macaroon:

...why would you do this to me. I make a beeline for croissants because...Soft Flaky Buttery Bread. And they are So Good as a savory sandwich sorta thing. Easily better than english muffins or crumpets, tho biscuits have a fighting chance. But LIKE. Soft breads. My weakness as a kid.

...but a good macaroon?? It is so light and crisp and TINY and like?? how does it taste like coffee??? and berries????? (Too bad they are So EXPENSIVE. While even cheap croissants are almost always Good.)

ballgowns or pantsuits:

I like the aesthetics of a ballgown. But never the pricetag, I wouldn’t wanna live in that thing for more than an hour, tops (and. so much damn work!!) and I’m stuck looking at them Defying (boob) Physics and just...dying a little inside. With my rare It Pretty Want Pretty wilting with it. But...it’s rare that pantsuits really...look like anything. (They also look uncomfortable and yet another Wardrobe Disaster and Do I HAVE To??? if I think about...actually wearing them. But, Legs Free No Tripping...I guess??)

hades or zeus:

I only wanna EVER meet Zeus if I get to castrate the bastard and lock ‘im up where he’ll NEVER get back out. Hades, tho...I’m WATCHING you, Bub. (Why yes, I agree with Demeter on this one.)

platonic love or sensual love:

Platonic. Cuddling and Kissing are technically Sensual but, y’know what? They ain’t exclusive to sexual or romantic loves (and I just. really do not want kissing at all. MAYBE a quick kiss on the forehead or fingertips but LIKE. That’s it. And it’s cute af for...literally ANY Love Type.)

light academia or cottagecore:

Honestly? A mix between the two. Cottagecore with my charming little home with its overgrown flowerbed of wildflowers (and asters! All the asters) and produce grown in large pots or hanging baskets...and inside the walls are covered with overflowing shelves of books and knicknacks and other Neat Things. Oh, and naturally a tea service (might not actually have tea in it...) and tons of pillows and blankets, and lamps and lanterns Everywhere for warm and soft (and colorful) light to read by while music plays softly in the background. And the home smells like something I just made for Supper or Snacks, or like a food-scented candle.

-

Aaaaaand tagging @mckinlily @headspacedad @aairachnid @synergetic-prose and whoever else wants to play! No obligation to play if tagged.

[this-solaris-life]

In Your Arms

So, I wanted something soft but also kind of sad. So here’s to the moment in Walking Into Your Love au, where Jin Ling goes to Paris after Jingyi’s parents abandon him. @ruensroad - Thanks for listening to my idea! :D 

He’s stupid. He’s so freaking stupid. He should have known this would happen. Yesterday was too good to be true. How could he have missed the signs? Wasn’t being twenty three too old to be falling for the same tricks?

Jingyi took a deep breath trying to dampen down the wave of anger but also stave off the rising panic. His hands already slightly shaking. He was in a whole different country. Thirteen hours by flight away from home. He closed his eyes leaning back to let his head hit the hotel room headboard. His parents were supposed to fly him back home and now...

“Sir?” The reception desk man’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

“That’ll be all thank you.” Jingyi replied with a crack in his voice, before ending the call. He tossed the cordless phone onto the bed beside him. He pulled his legs up to his chest while his hands moved to cradle his face. He let out a shuddering breath before dropping his hands. He started breathing in and out just like Dr. Ziyi had taught him during their sessions. This was not the place to have a panic attack. 

After what felt like an hour of just breathing and meditating, Jingyi opened his eyes and started thinking. He needed to get back home but how? He didn’t bring the funds with him to be able to fly home because he thought they were taking him home. His next option was the most obvious. Suzhui. He knew that his best friend and many ways brother, would be more than happy to buy a ticket home. But that also meant Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji finding out. He loved them both and knew they loved him, but Wei Wuxian would be on an overprotective warpath. 

He bit his lip as he thought of Jin Ling. He let himself flop onto his side with an exasperated sigh. It would be embarrassing but how could this situation not be? They were supposed to be friends and for everything that's happened between him. The man has never judged him. But this was weak. A weakness that only his adoptive family knew about. Jingyi drew his knees in. Letting him know about this was truly opening his heart to the man he’d come to adore and desire. 

“I shou-” Jingyi started rationalizing out loud till his phone started ringing. He reached over seeing that it was in fact Jin Ling. 

“Hey-“

“You missed our video chat this morning. Fairy and I got worried.” 

“No, I was just..” he paused wondering how to word what had happened. 

Oh, I’m sorry I worried you both, but here I am just freaking out because I let my parents fool me again. I let them talk me into a family vacation only to leave me in a different country. When I could have stayed home and spent the week with you and Fairy. 

“Jingyi?”  Jin Ling called to him stirring him from his internal tirade. 

“Yes…”

“Have you eaten yet?” Jin Ling asked, his tone soft. 

“No…” Jingyi answered honestly. 

“Then I want you to get up and take a shower. There’s this cafe that has the best chausson aux pommes and they’ll have the tea that you like.” Jin Ling stated. Jingyi could feel the other smiling as he spoke. 

“Is that some kind of snail? Wait... you’ve been here?” Jingyi tried to joke but found himself wincing. Of course the man would have been to Paris. He’s the CEO of Koi Tower Industries. They have a branch here. 

“Yes, when I was in high school. I spent a year there.  My jiujiu thought it would be a good experience for me since I wanted to run the company.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, hold on a second,” Jin Ling said before the line went silent that made Jingyi check to see if the other had hung up for how long he waited. “Sorry about that. Now, get up and go take a shower.”

“How do you know that I’ve not already done that?”

“Because you would have called us afterwards. Remember?” 

Jingyi pouted but also blushed. He couldn’t believe that he’d gotten so predictable that Jin Ling noticed. Well of course he would notice. Jin Ling was more perceptive than he was normally given credit for. 

“Jingyi get into the shower.” Jin Ling pushed again. 

“What’s the rush it’s not like your…” he paused as it dawned on him why he kept pushing for him to get dressed. He quickly sat up. “...are you here?  Oh my god, please tell me you’re not here because of me?”

“I was craving chausson aux pommes.” Jing Ling chuckled.

“You’re not serious.” Jingyi asked, his tone incredulous. 

“I’ve gone to Japan for less.”

“For what?” 

“You’ll have to be dressed and ready to have breakfast with me to find out.” Jin Ling answered before hanging up. Jingyi sat there on his bed staring at his phone with his mouth gaping like a fish. He was like that for a few minutes before he got another text reminding him to shower. 

Jin Ling grinned as he laid the phone down on his desk in his office. He turned to look out at the view from his window. The view being one of the reasons he loved being at this branch. Memories of the past coming to him. He’d had a good time here and would be forever grateful to his jiujiu letting him come to this country. 

His phone gave off a bird’s tweeting sound. He reached for his phone seeing that it was an alert from Jingyi’s mother’s account. She was tweeting about some church in Germany. He rolled his eyes unfollowing her. Since he no longer needed to follow her account to see when they’d abandon Jingyi again. This would be the last time he’d let this happen.

He was glad that he’d heard Sizhui’s dad ranting to his husband about Jingyi’s parent’s habit of abandoning him. No matter the place. When he’d joined them for dinner the night before Jingyi’s flight. Wei Wuxian had vented that he was worried about the trip. That maybe they should go with him just in case. 

That’s when he made the decision to use his own jet to fly ahead to Paris after he’d taken Jingyi home. He wasn’t going to let him be stranded. Plus he knew that Jingyi’s parents had told Jingyi they’d use their private plan to bring him back to visit Lan Qiren from Sizhui. So, that night he told Jingyi that he’d be wrapped up in back to back meetings while he was gone. He’d felt guilty for lying at first but now he knew what he did was right. He looked up as Rayne stepped into his office breaking him from his thoughts. A folder in her hand. 

“Is everything ready?” He asked hand extending to take the folder. 

“Yes, sir.” She answered. 

“Good.” 

The two of them had a good breakfast together at the cafe. Jin Ling had looked really good when he’d arrived. His hair down and in a braid over his shoulder. The brown leather jacket over his white t-shirt and dark wash jeans with converses. The most dressed down he’d seen him in a while. He realized that he mostly seen the man in suits or gym clothes from going to the gym with his jiujiu or evening runs.

After breakfast, Jin Ling had taken him all over Paris sightseeing. It’d been fun but he knew it would have been even better if Fairy could have been with them. Which made him message Sizhui, who said he was the one watching the beautiful puppy while they were gone. 

“I’m so tired.” Jingyi yawned hours later, standing in front of his hotel room with Jin Ling. He’d honestly had a great day despite how it started. Jin Ling had given him the perfect distraction and treated him to great food all day.

“Well then go inside and get some sleep. I have some more places to show you tomorrow.” Jin Ling smiled tiredly at him. 

“Where are you staying?” Jingyi asked as it suddenly dawned on him Jin Ling had mentioned earlier. 

“I’m staying in the suite at the-“

“Don’t you dare say branch office. That’s just sad, A-Ling” Jingyi frowned with a sigh. 

“It’s just—“ Jin Ling stuttered at the nickname. 

“Across town and it’s almost midnight. You’re not going to drive across town to sleep at your work place. Just stay here with me. The bed is big enough for the both of us.“ Jingyi offered giving him, his best version of puppy eyes as he opened the door. A look he’d noticed worked on Jin Ling from him sometimes. He gripped Jin Ling’s wrist pulling him into the room before the other could turn for the elevators. 

“I’ll take the couch.” 

“Bed.” Jingyi countered pointing to the king sized bed that looked like it could sleep four people. “We are adults not animals.” 

“So what’s your excuse for sleeping on mine in my office at home?” Jin Ling asked, eyebrows raised playful in curiosity. 

“Oh you mean the cloud like crafted lounging place?” Jingyi asked, grinning because they both know the answer. 

“Yes.” 

“Simple. Because it actually comfortable. That thing is not comfy. Speaking from someone who knows.” Jingyi answered giving the couch a disgusted look. 

“Whatever, I think you need some sleep.” Jin Ling chuckled “Don’t you normally go to sleep around nine?” 

“Oh shush.” Jingyi playfully snapped as he went to the drawers of the dresser pulling out a pair of extra pajama pants and soft t-shirt to sleep in. He handed them to Jin Ling to be able to change into. So he wouldn’t have to sleep in his clothes he’d worn today. “Here, if you want to take a shower.” 

“Thanks”. Jin Ling said taking off his jacket, tossing over the arm of the couch before taking the clothes. 

He was perched on the edge of the bed flipping through the channels when Jin Ling stepped out of the bathroom. His felt his mouth run dry. Jin Ling had his hands up in his hair with the towel drying it. He was shirtless wearing the navy drawstring cotton pajama pants. Though, his golden eyes focused on purple the blooming lotus on his left sun kissed pec.  

“Uh the shirt didn’t fit.” Jin Ling said bringing his attention back to Jin Ling’s face,”So I left it in there for you.” 

“T-thanks.” Jingyi said snapping his mouth shut before tossing the remote on the bed. 

“Enjoy your bath.” Jin Ling called after him as he headed into the bathroom to shower. If he took a little longer than necessary he wasn’t going to explain himself.

When he finally emerged from the shower. Jin Ling had the television turned off, the curtains drawn, and laying on the side of the bed not directly underneath the vent. Jingyi watched the slow rise and fall of his chest. So, he assumed the other was asleep. 

He was wrong. 

“Are just going to stand there or are you going to come to bed?” Jin Ling asked, tone sluggish like he was about to actually fall asleep. 

“Uh...Yeah.” Jingyi said,  stumbling over his words as he headed to his side of the bed. He laid down on his side with his back facing Jin Ling. Just as he got comfortable and about to fall asleep when his phone vibrated. He opened his eyes to see the phone screen was lit up. Jingyi reached out grabbing his phone to check out who it was.  

The joy of the day slipping away like sand in an hourglass. The notification was from his mother’s instagram account. She was updating her account with pictures of her’s and his father’s vacation spots. And she posted a photo that she tagged him in. However, he wasn’t in the photo. He’d been cropped out and a filter with a frame added to hide it. Jingyi’s throat tightened as his heart ached with an all too familiar pain. He tossed his phone back onto his nightstand. Not caring when it slid off falling to the plush carpet floor. He rolled onto his back letting out a shuddering sigh as he stared up at the ceiling. Jingyi shut his eyes when he felt the familiar burn of tears threatening to form. 

“What’s wrong?” Jin Ling asked making Jingyi jump. Jingyi didn’t realize how close that the other man was. He opened his eyes, turning his head to find out that Jin Ling was an arms length away.

“N-nothing.” He replied,trying to keep the cracking out his voice, but he knew that he’d failed when he heard Jin Ling huff in disbelief. 

“What can I do?” Jin Ling asked sounding more awake than before. 

“Can I have a hug?” Jingyi asked after a few minutes of internal debate. 

Instead of answering him, Jin Ling moved closer before moving an arm over Jingyi’s stomach. Jin Ling gripped his side rolling him towards him. Jingyi allowed himself to the movement so that he was facing the other man. That same arm wrapping around him. He didn’t want to look the other in the eye. So he leaned down tucking his face into the crook of Jin Ling’s neck and shoulder as he wrapped an arm around Jin ling’s waist. Jin Ling pulled him closer leaving no space between. 

The scent of his soap on Jin Ling’s warm skin and Jin Ling’s hand gently rubbing his back lulling him to sleep before he can even thank him. Jin Ling smiled feeling the other fall asleep in his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Jingyi’s head before adjusting his arm to keep him close as he too let himself go to sleep. 

[soaringsearingphoenix]

Valentine's Day Asks: The Prime Numbers

Wow! I dont know why i didnt see the notification for this one but ok, alright ah

1. do you have a crush on anyone?

I guess so? There are people who Stand Out to me and i call them crushes in my head sometimes but mostly I just want to be friends with them. Like I dont usually get dizzying sweeps of emotion for someone, physical or romantic, but I do get an urgent and baseless desire to hang out with them... maybe take a walk or invite them to get ice cream. So like if we’re on the same page about what I call a Crush on my emotional scale then yes. Theres a couple people.

2. what’s your favorite candy?

I like lemonheads and i will eat them until im sick of them if given half a chance. I also like snickers now because theres peanuts in it so i get to pretend im making a healthy choice

3. favorite love song?

Slow Boat To China, any version but specifically sung by Bette Midler and Barry Manilow. You know, like, just the corniest possible version? Partly for nostalgia, because it was one of like three CDs i remember my mom playing all the time when we were just kind of around the house when I was little. It also has the distinction of being the first duet I learned the words to (though as far as im aware none of my friends know the lyrics... i dont think ive ever actually sung it with someone) and it’s probably gotta be the one that gets stuck in my head the most. Right down to the dumb banter in the middle (“Bette, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.” “I don’t. I need a piano player.”)

I also like “Somewhere Beyond The Sea.” I think, as a general rule, that if there are boats in the words to a love song I will probably like it.

5. what was your last kiss like?

Meaningful

7. do you prefer poems or love letters?

Ahhhhhhhhhh to read or to write? I like writing poems because I think they’re... easier honestly? Writing is so hard, identifying your feelings is hard. Having some constraints makes writing easier, and a rhyme and cadence makes it flow. Besides, it’s more musical that way so I think for me it feels like a more natural expression of love. I do well with more structured expression, and not so much with making just raw, unrefined feelings known.

Not to say writing poetry is easy. It’s less difficult than a love letter, sure, but there are still potential pitfalls. If i make a metaphor that makes me think of science, the rest of the poem WILL be just an extension of the metaphor that gets more and more didactic until I’m just telling you science facts.

11. dinner dates or brunch dates?

Dinner dates. I decided that before i came up with a reason why. I think the reason is that an evening engagement means I have something to look forward to, or be nervous about but then i have time to mentally prepare myself. Whereas morning, even if it’s not “early” morning, I feel more stressed about getting there on time and then afterwards theres a whole rest of the day where i either have to get somewhere after, or its just this unstructured uncertainty. Dinner, youve already done the rest of the day, so you can be present without worrying about what you gotta get to after.

13. favorite perfume/cologne?

I... dont know that ive ever noticed a perfume or cologne and felt it was applied tastefully, because i think if it is insubtle it defeats the point. That said, if it’s actually well applied so that it’s less an overwhelming cloud that trails comically behind people you pass in the quad and more like when someone sits down right next to you om the couch and you get just a hint of their shampoo or conditioner, to the point where maybe you didnt even consciously notice it before but now you say “oh, you’re the reason ive been craving ice cream, you smell minty” if it was only that subtle then i think im generally fond of more smoky incense-y smells like sandalwood, or roses but i am picky about rose fragrances, so it has to actually smell just like fresh roses or i wont be able to overlook that the smell is not roses. I have this friend who went to my middle school, and we were very into scents and making potpourri and things. At the time, his grandma had a hand soap that smelled exactly like roses, it was delightful and he said as much and I said that it sounded amazing but I’d have to take his word for it, but then the next time he visited her he came back with a little jar of it for me just so i could smell it, and he was right, it smelled just like roses. Actually forget the roses, it will make me think of the hand soap and as lovely as that is I dont want to give anyone vying for my affection any reason to feel like they’re in competition with someone, or something. It’s not a competition. Learn to coexist with my memories, because you’re not going to fight my nostalgia and win.

17. what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear?

If you’re wearing something knit or embroidered that you made yourself Im definitely gonna want to talk to you. Also if you’re wearing really comfy looking cargo pants but thats probably because i want to know where you got them so i can get some for me.

19. snow, rain, or sun?

Sun because people will take a walk with me

23. what’s your dream wedding like?

Dont have one but if i did its in a forest or at least a grove of trees. Mostly small gathering, family and close friends. I have a dress for the vows i guess, just because ive seen a lot of Say Yes to the Dress so thats how ive generally pictured it, (which i only really do when im watching Say Yes to the Dress), but ive got comfortable shoes, and im gonna change into pants asap after. We probably do some corny thing thats kind of an inside joke. Each of us has a Best Man or equivalent, who carries a sword — we joke that this makes it a “traditional” wedding, though beyond that it’s really not meant to be. It’s mostly simple, though maybe have a little extravagance or two, like a chocolate fountain, because how often do you have an excuse to have a chocolate fountain. I tend to wander off from other peoples weddings somewhere in the middle, at some point i just get a little overstimulated, and the amount of people that will likely be invited makes this probable. At the reception, when the families and friends are singing and dancing, i probably quietly excuse myself to my spouse and drift away, finding a spot in a tree where i can still hear the music and the laughter from a distance. I am joined not long after by my spouse (and the thought is strange, and even then i cant quite wrap my mind around that word yet, the commitment it implies) who knows where to look for me, and who perhaps pulls a leaf or two from my hair as they join me on an adjacent branch. We sit quietly together for some time until it seems appropriate to rejoin the festivities, as it is our wedding after all, and the slow dance is coming up, and we will spend some quiet time later when everyone has gone home. It is nice, the dancing, and as tired as we are we still drift around the dance floor among loved ones long into the night.

I dont know if this is like... how i intend my wedding to be. Like i said i didnt have an answer going in. But now that im trying to imagine it, this feels realistic.

29. are you single?

Yup!

31. guitar or piano?

Piano. First of all because i am better at piano than guitar and second because you can do duets on one piano

37. do you like to dance?

Aw hell yeah!! I would call myself an... Inexperienced dancer, but if a song has a good rhythm or even if it doesnt and i am full of energy i WILL be moving and twisting and you ARE welcome to join me

41. favorite soda?

I usually go for lighter ones like orange or sprite. I found Lime fanta at a gas station once that tasted like green jello and it was good but ive only seen it maybe twice ever.

43. favorite ABBA song?

Gimme Gimme Gimme always gets me on my feet, and ive listened to it probably the most because it’s on my “Dates and Times Playlist” (the first line says ‘half past 12’ and then the chorus says ‘after midnight’ so its in with a collection of other midnight songs. Any time i hear any of the others i get this one in my head as well. Thatd just how it is.)

47. do you think about love a lot?

No

[theladyofdeath]

A Vintage Christmas

12 Days of Christmas in July {day 1}

Morrigan + Andromache.

Written alongside the love of my life, @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty.

I hope you enjoy. :)

The snowstorm had lightened to a soft snowfall as Mor walked down the streets of Velaris. Christmas was definitely in the air. Everyone seemed happier, the streetlights even seemed to be shining brighter.

Mor was the only one who seemed to be in a slight panic.

She pulled her red, fluffy scarf higher up around her mouth as she hurried down the sidewalk. She had five hours until midnight, five hours until Christmas. Most of the shops had already been closed for the holiday, and Mor had yet to find the perfect gift.

Her family had been taken care of and their presents were wrapped and waiting under the Christmas tree.

Everyone except Andie’s.

As Mor passed the shops in town, getting ready to close up for the holiday, she sighed. She hadn’t wanted to get Andie jewelry. That didn’t fit the woman who Mor had begun to fall for. She knew she would love something homemade, but Mor wasn’t the most craft savvy.

She had thought of and talked herself out of nearly everything. No, Andie was too good for everything Mor had thought of.

Mor’s phone chimed and she ducked into a shop to take off her gloves and dig her phone out of her bag.

You okay? It’s getting late. 

Andie.

Mor said she’d be over to spend the night with her, to wake up with her Christmas morning. She had told her that she would be there around dinner time, and although vague, it was growing past the window.

Yep :) Mor texted back. Just finishing up with the boys.

It wasn’t a complete lie. She had spent the afternoon with Azriel, Cassian, and Rhys, Amren having been off with Varian and Feyre off celebrating Christmas with her sisters and father.

She would see them all tomorrow afternoon with Andie. If Mor ever found the perfect gift, of course.

“Can I help you find something?”

Mor jumped, remembering she had entered a shop and she dropped her phone back into her bag.

She looked around the shop and then to the elderly woman in front of her. She had entered an antique shop and hadn’t realized it.

“Oh, I’m-.” She hesitated, not sure what she wanted to tell the sweet looking woman. Velaris was an accepting city, but there were still those who sneered as she and Andie walked down the street hand in hand. She steeled her nerve and said, “I’m looking for a gift for my girlfriend.”

The woman smiled, genuine and warm. “Well I’m sure we can find her something. How long have you been together?”

Mor let out a relieved breath and said, “Just under four months.”

“Still a new romance,” the woman winked. “Follow me, dear.”

She turned on her heels, Mor quickly following. She had never entered the little antique shop before, and that alone was a surprise. Her family liked to joke with her about her shopping habits. 

It was beautiful, though.

“Have you collected all of these things?” Mor asked.

“Ah, yes,” the woman said, taking Mor through the store, by shelf after shelf.

“It was always a hobby of mine and about ten years ago my husband began complaining that I had collected too much.” She looked over her shoulder at Mor and rolled her eyes, making Mor let out a soft laugh. “That’s when I got the idea to open this store. I could still collect lovely things and my husband couldn’t get mad about it.”

“You certainly have done just that,” Mor said, stopping to stare at a wall of old necklaces. “Collected lovely things.”

“How would she feel about one of these?”

Mor ran a finger over a large opal and shrugged lightly. “Not a jewelry person, but that doesn’t mean she’s not feminine, I just…” She trailed off. “If it’s jewelry, there has to be meaning behind it. I just don’t know what to get her.”

She glanced over her shoulder and held up a finger. “I think I know just the thing. Hold on a minute.”

She left and made her way back into the back through a curtained doorway.

Mor made her way through the store, looking at all the furniture that had been painstakingly refurbished. There were knick-knacks and dishes and jewelry and more.

“Here you go, dear.” She came up and sat down a small silver box.

Mor looked at the box, at the detailing and the filigree. “It’s gorgeous, but…” She paused. “What is it?”

The elderly woman smiled and, with gentle hands, opened the lid.

A soft melody began to play, a small silver snowflake spinning in slow circles along with it.

Mor smiled, running her fingertips gently over the edge of the lid. “It’s beautiful. But, I don’t think I could afford something this grand.”

The woman softly shut the lid. “Is this girl of yours special?”

Mor blinked, surprised by the question. “Yes, of course.”

“Do you love her?”

Mor’s smile softened. “Yes, I think I might.”

“Then consider it a gift,” the woman said, handing Mor the box. “From me, to you, to her.”

Mor shook her head. “No, I couldn’t possibly-“

“This is why I do what I do,” she said, placing the box into Mor’s hands. “Not for the money, but for the love of it.”

“Thank you,” Mor breathed. “Truly, thank you so much.”

She smiled. “Merry Christmas, dear.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Mor came rushed out to the car and realized she had no way to wrap it. With a sigh, she decided to run by her own apartment, wrap the present and then head over to Andie’s. She shot her a quick text and was on her way. Her phone rang as soon as she got in the car.

“Hey, what took so long?”

Mor stumbled for a second, but said, “Oh, Cassian hadn’t found a gift for Nesta yet. Had to help him out.”

Andie laughed. “They’ve been dating for what...three years? You would think he’d have that down by now.”

Mor chuckled, nervously. “You would think. But, it’s Cassian.” As if that was reason enough in itself.

“I miss you,” Andie said, laughter fading. “I can’t wait to see you, can’t wait to wake up next to you.”

Mor had to agree. Waking up next to Andie was perfection in itself.

“Me either,” Mor promised, starting her car. The snow had held its steady pace and Mor hoped the roads weren’t too slick. “You didn’t start watching Christmas movies without me, did you?”

“Nope. But It’s A Wonderful Life is queued up and ready. Hot chocolate is ready and waiting.”

“I’ll be there in about 15 minutes,” Mor said, smiling.

She could hear Andie’s smile as she spoke. “I’ll see you then. Bye.”

“Bye.” She hung up the phone and carefully drove through the snow. When she pulled up at Andie’s house, she grabbed her bag from the back and the present. Before she even made it up the steps, Andie had the door open and had a mug of cocoa waiting for her.

“Hey, you.” She smiled and pressed a kiss to her lips. She handed her the mug. “I missed you.”

Mor smiled and pressed her lips to her cheek. “I missed you, too.”

“Now, come in, warm up, get your comfy clothes on, and let’s watch this bitch.”

Mor laughed, striding past Andie and into her apartment. The Christmas tree was lit up in the corner of the living room looking just as it did the afternoon before, after they’d decorated it. It smelled like cocoa and peppermint, Mor’s favorite combination. 

Andie was leaning against the wall, watching her girlfriend fondly.

“How was your afternoon with the boys?” She asked.

Mor chuckled, removing her scarf and hat. “They were as annoying as they usually are. So, good.”

Andie’s smile widened. She already had on her pajamas - an oversized tee shirt that was hanging off one of her shoulders and a pair of plaid boxers that matched her glittery red socks. She glanced down to the red package in Mor’s hands. “Whatcha got there?”

Mor smirked and walked across the room, setting the present under the tree. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I would actually,” she said, following her across the room and picking it up. She shook it lightly.

“Don’t!” Mor voice was a bit sharper than she meant for it to be. “Sorry,” she breathed when she saw the shocked look on Andie’s face. “It’s just...very fragile.”

Andie glanced down at the present. “Now I really want to know.”

Mor made her way towards the bedroom to go change, backing up as she went. “If you can make it through the first movie, we’ll see. Maybe I’ll let you open it tonight.”

Andie’s smile turned into a sensuous grin. “Such the bargainer, Morrigan.”

Morrigan scowled at the use of her full name as she shut herself in Andie’s bedroom.

The second she was alone, Andie hurried to the kitchen and pulled a little box out of the cabinet above the fridge. She smiled at the box, knowing full well how much Mor was going to love it, thanks to the advice of her brothers.

Andie placed it lovingly next to Mor’s beneath the tree.

Perfect.

She placed herself on the couch, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, draping a blanket across her lap and picking up her mug of hot chocolate.

She heard the door open and Mor walked back into the living room, in fleece pajama pants and white camisole. When she sat down next to her, Andie glanced at the pants. “Aren’t you festive?”

Mor ran a loving hand over her own thigh and glanced down at the reindeer patterned pants. “These are my Christmas pajamas,” she defended. “I wear them every year.”

“I think they’re cute,” Andie said, scooting closet and tossing the blanket across Mor.

She couldn’t stop herself as she wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You’re cute.”

Andie blushed as she started the movie.

It wasn’t halfway through before they both began to doze. Although the movie was a classic, and a tradition, there was only so much Andie could handle before sleep begged to consume her.

When she looked down at Mor, who was lying on her lap, her eyes had already fluttered shut.

With a small smile, Andie brushed the golden strands off her face with gentle fingers. “Let’s get to bed, babe.”

Mor didn’t open her eyes as she mumbled, “What about presents?”

Andie chuckled. “What about them?”

Mor cracked a lid open and looked at the clock over the mantle. “It’s after midnight.”

Andie followed her gaze. “I guess it is.”

“Merry Christmas,” Mor said, smiling, leaning up to press a kiss to her lips. “Now let’s open presents.”

Andie was chuckling as her lips brushed against her own. “It’s not Christmas morning, silly.”

“But it’s Christmas,” Mor said, perking up with a wink in Andie’s direction. “Come on, or I’m opening mine without you.”

“How do you know you have one?” Andie crooned, following Mor to where the tree was lit in the corner. 

“I saw it the moment I came in,” Mor laughed, grabbing her box from under the branches. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“I would never,” Andie grinned, sitting down on the floor. “Go on, then. Open it, my love.” 

The wrapping paper was in shreds on the carpet before Andie could finish her sentence. Mor cradled the small black box in her hand. She flipped the lid open and covered her mouth at the sight before her.

Nestled in the black velvet was a simple golden chain, with a diamond encrusted heart. Mor ran her finger over the heart, the small engraved A staring back at her.

“Andie…” she breathed. “It’s gorgeous.”

“I know. Just like you. I saw it and knew it was perfect for someone as beautiful as you.”

Mor couldn’t help but bite her lip to keep from tearing up. The years building up to this relationship had been a long, shitty road. She never thought she would have this. This kind of hope, of happiness. She never thought she would have Andie, never thought she would have someone who thought so much of her to give her such a wonderful gift.

“Thank you,” she said, pressing her lips to Andie’s cheek. “Help me put it on?”

“You want to wear it to bed?” Andie asked, eyes lit with pleasure.

“I want to wear it always,” Mor promised. She lifted her hair as Andie took the necklace and hooked it around Mor’s neck.

“There,” Andie whispered. “Beautiful.”

Mor’s smile was bright and unmoving. “Now,” she began, grabbing for the box she had brought. “Open yours.”

Andie took it from her hands, delicately opening the paper. Mor couldn’t help but laugh lightly at the different...methods the two of them used to open their gifts. She pulled back the last piece of festive paper and gasped as she ran her fingers over the shining metal of the box.

“Mor, oh my god.” She was speechless. “This is beautiful.”

Before Mor could say anything, Andie had flipped the lid and the softest, most sweet lullaby began to fill the living room.

And, inside the box, was a ring.

Mor’s eyes flared as she beheld the ring she hadn’t seen before. She hadn’t even thought to open the box once she had left the shop.

But then the sweet woman’s words came back to her.

From me, to you, to her.

“Mor,” Andie breathed.

Mor blinked, once then twice before searching for something to say.

Anything to say. 

“I love you,” she said, at last, the words rushing out so quickly that they sounded a bit like gibberish.

Andie just stared back at her, unable to speak, the small jeweled ring still in her fingers.

“I love you,” Mor repeated. “I love you and I’ve wanted to tell you from the moment I met you.” She leaned forward and framed Andie’s face with her hands. She lightly pressed her lips to Andie’s and breathed one more time, “I love you,” and waited for her response.

“I love you, too,” Andie smiled, placing her hands over Mor’s that were still against her cheeks. “You’re everything I ever wanted, and more than I deserve. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to call you mine.”

Mor’s vision blurred as her eyes lined with silver. She had dreamt of moments like this, of loving someone like this and not having to hide it.

Mor smiled, kissing Andie’s lips softly, quickly. She took the ring and slid the small, emerald stone onto Andie’s slim, tanned finger.

“I love it,” Andie promised. “Thank you.”

Mor rested her forehead gently against Andie’s as she said, “Now, weren’t we headed to bed?”

Andie’s brown eyes sparkled as she raised a brow. “Do I get a second gift this Christmas?”

“Christmas has only just begun,” Mor winked, rising to her feet and holding out her hands, which Andie gladly accepted. “You have many gifts coming your way.”

Mor led Andie to her bedroom, feeling like a goddess even in her fleece reindeer pajama pants, and spent the rest of Christmas morning making love to her girlfriend, to the woman she loved.

[buckyspetpsychopath]

Back to sleep

0David Dobrik x reader Vlog squad

I'm startled awake by the sound of my phone ringing. I panic slightly and sit up from my bed and reach over on my nightstand for my phone. I click the answer button after seeing Davids picture pop up.

"Hello?" I answer groggily. "Fuck, did I wake you?" he sighs. "Yeah, it's fine. I'm up now, what's wrong?" I ask wiping the sleep from my eyes. "nono go back to sleep," he says. "David seriously. Its like 3am, you called for a reason spit it out." I huff. "I mean, I just. Could I come over?" he asks and I go silent for a moment so he starts explaining. "I don't have to. but I'm trying to edit and I can't focus and I need something to take my mind off it, but I wouldn't be able to sleep and I need to post tomorrow," he explains. "You want to come over now?" I whisper, biting my lip. "Yeah" he mumbles. "Fine" I grin. "I'll be around by 3.30" he chirps and I laugh slightly. "I'll be waiting," I say and hang the phone up. 

I look at the time and its 3.04. I look down at my sweatpants and oversized shirt for bed and shake my head, heading to my dresser. I pick out a cute lingerie set and quickly change into it.

I spray some deodorant and perfume before going into my bathroom and brushing my teeth. I quickly curl the ends of my hair so its messy and then fluff my hair. Before I know it the front door of my apartment is opening. I hurry to throw on a pair of heels before strutting out of my bedroom. David looks up when he hears my heels clicking. I smirk as I see him gulp. He quickly sets his backpack down, taking his shoes and jacket off. I walk closer towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands fly to my waist.

"I'm sorry, I know its late and you have class in the morning but I'll do all the work, you can just lie there. I'll take real good care of you" He smiles. I bite my lip and unravel my hands from his neck and push his hands down off my waist onto my butt. He bites his lip and squeezes, pulling me closer to him. "What are you doing to me" He gulps backing me up against my kitchen counter. He lifts me up effortlessly and sets me on the edge leaning in to kiss me. His lips attack mine and I feel sparks flying. This happened all the time, David would call me up at random awkward times of the day, fuck me then leave. I understand that when we first met he was going through a break-up. But its been over a year since that, and he still hasn't asked me on a proper date. Nobody knows about our midnight get togethers.

He pulls away from my lips and moves down my jaw and down my neck to my collarbone. He leaves a couple marks and I roll my eyes. He's always been really territorial, but I don't mind- it wasn't like I was dating anyone else, or even trying to. I push his head away from me and his eyebrows furrow.

"Bedroom" I breathe out and his eyes light up. He picks me up again carrying me to my bedroom. He gently drops me on the bed and I pull his shirt off when he goes to stand up. He smirks and steps back, unbuckling his jeans slowly while he watches me panting on the bed, his eyes hooded from lust. And let me tell you, it was a sight to see. He pushes his jeans and underwear down. Then he reaches into my bedside table to retrieve a condom, I take it as a sign to unlatch my bra so I reach behind me and pull it off throwing it on the floor. He smiles at me and pulls my underwear down my legs before crashing down on top of me, his hands holding him up slightly so he's not completely crushing me. He seems to fit perfectly in between my legs.

"You're so beautiful" he whispers leaning in to kiss me as he nudges himself into my entrance. He keeps pushing until he's all the way in and we both let out a euphoric sigh. He starts moving making me instantly let out little gasps. He hooks one of my legs around his hip, holding it there. My other leg intertwining with his legs. He moves faster and faster, our moans getting louder as the feeling keeps getting better. He connects our lips and they move together feverishly. One of my hands connects to his cheek and the other tangles in his fluffy hair holding him close to me. He's holding onto my hip and keeping himself up as he rocks against me. "Fuck Dave, I'm so close" I whine and he shushes me. "Its ok baby, me too. You can cum" he mumbles putting his lips to mine once again. The hand holding his cheek falls back to grip the bedsheets and he speeds up his movements bringing a hand to hold mine. He's practically ramming into me when I starting gasping his name as I unravel beneath him. "Fuck David" I moan wrapping my leg tighter around him and squeezing his hand. He stills for a second while he cums then move slowly again trying to milk our orgasms. He pulls out of me slowly and leans up to discard the condom in the bin next to my bed before dropping beside me, his head in my neck. Our sweaty bodies suction together but neither of us mind. I stroke my hand through his sweaty hair. Somehow, eventually I fall asleep.

When I wake up in the morning I grin seeing a mop of dark fluffy, almost curls beside me. I snuggle closer to David, pushing some of the hair off his face. I admire his sleeping figure, still naked from the night before which excites me, but most of all he's calm. Which is a rare sight. "Stalker" he mumbles, his eyes fluttering open. I blush. "I was just admiring." I defend myself and he laughs. "Stalking" he argues jokingly wrapping an arm underneath my body and yanking me into his side. "Admiring" I giggle leaning down to press my lips to his. "You always look so pretty in the morning, especially after sex" he grins, his voice groggy from just waking up. "hmm, someones a sweet talker today" I joke to put off the fact that what he said gave me butterflies. "Just admiring" he smirks and i roll my eyes. I look at the time and gasp, shooting up out of his arms. "Whats wrong?" he asks. "I need to be in class in half an hour, i need to take a shower and its a twenty-minute drive from here" I yell behind me as I rush to the bathroom. I step in the shower, clipping my hair up so it doesn't get wet, not having enough time to wash it. I start rinsing my body when I feel hands at my waist. "Oh no, not today mister. I'm gonna be late" I say pushing his hands off me. "Baby please, just skip it. You've only got like one exam left then you're finished, you can afford to miss this lesson" he compromises. My eyes widen, he actually listens to me. I sigh and don't have time to respond before he steps forward, pushing me against the wall and kissing me passionately. I melt into his touch wrapping my arms around his neck hands falling into his now wet hair. We make out for a while until we need air. "Thought you were gonna be late" he breathes out. "Fuck it" I shrug. "Fuck me, dont you mean" he smirks picking me up and holding me against the wall as he pushes into me.

We spend the morning in the shower and when we're done we go out for breakfast. It's nice, we just sit and chat. Our hairs both wet and wearing comfy clothes, since that's all he had left in my house from previous times he'd been over. I'd started a little collection for him, cleaning out an entire drawer just for his clothes. I'd even gone as far as buying him some deodorant, a couple shirts and pairs of jeans and sweatpants. We'd never discussed it, it just happened. Before I knew it, David had done the same at his house. Nobody really questioned the woman's razor, deodorant, bits of makeup, clothes or womanly products in his room and bathroom.Everyone decided to congregate at Davids house so we drove in his Tesla back to his, seeing our friends cars on our arrival. As we walk in the living room it goes kind of quiet.

“Uh hey guys?” I laugh. “Hey, where have you two been huh?” Zane sassily crosses his arms. “We went out for breakfast” David shrugs sitting next to Jason on the couch. “That’s not what our sources say” Todd teases and we furrow our eyebrows looking at each other. “Ok guys what’s going on?” David asks. “We just think it’s funny how you say you went out for breakfast, but natalie over here woke up at 6am to come on a hike with us and when we came in to see you, you weren’t there. Bed wasn’t even slept in” Todd says. “And then all the women’s clothes and stuff in your room” zane nods. “And don’t forget them huge ass hickeys on her neck” Jeff cuts in pulling the hemline of my shirt down a little. I swat his hand away and roll my eyes. “Grow up you guys” I sigh going to get a bottle of water. I throw one to David and everyone seems to move on in the conversation. 

Later on in the day I’m really tired from our activities. David is finishing to edit some of his video he wasn’t able to last night. We’re laying on the love sac cuddling. My hood is pulled up and I’m snuggled into him whilst his laptop is between us so he can edit. Nobody seems to bat an eye at our position. I start drifting asleep when David whispers in my ear. “You asleep baby?” He asks and I don’t have the energy to respond so I stay silent. “Is she asleep?” I hear someone ask and my ears perk up. “Yeah, she’s napping” David chuckles. He moves his laptop off my back so I assume he’s finished, and his hand drops to my butt resting there. I internally roll my eyes. “So, what’s going on with you two?” Jeff asks. “Nothing” David laughs. “Oh yeah we’ll pretend like we’ll believe that” Jason snorts. “Seriously, you two are attached at the hip. Look how you are right now, friends don’t do that shit” zane says. “And friends don’t leave hickeys on other friends necks” Todd interjects. “Fine, we’ve been sleeping together for a couple months” David admits and they all let out cheers making David shush them. “And all this time we though you weren’t getting any” Todd chortles. “So are you dating?” Zane asks. “No” David says all quickly and I frown. “We could never be together” “What do you mean?” Jason asks. “She’s really good in bed, and I care for her. But I don’t have time or the energy for a girlfriend. I’ve been talking to Liza a lot more and I wanna see how that turns out” David explains and I feel a pit in my stomach. “Dude, you can’t string her along like that” Jeff tuts. “I’m not stringing her along” David sighs rubbing my back. “She’s great. I just can’t be with her, she has a lot of history with her ex and stuff. I just don’t wanna get into anything serious with her, I think I’d end up getting bored with her. She’s kind of a know it all, throws her intelligence in your face.” David shrugs. The guys continue to berate me for a moment before I feel david shaking me.“I gotta go the toilet baby, wake up” he whispers. I pretend to wake up and move off of him. I grab my phone and pretend to check the time.

“I should probably go home” I say stretching. “If you wait 5 minutes I’ll drive you home” David says and I shake my head. “I’ll get an Uber it’s ok” I shrug. David goes to disagree before Jason steps in. “Come on I’ll take you, I gotta go check in on my mum” Jason says. I smile at David and wave at the others. As soon as we’re out the door my smile drops. I sigh as I sit down into Jason’s car. “I thought your mum wasn’t coming until tomorrow morning?” I ask as he pulls out of Davids driveway. “She’s not. It was a lie” Jason says and I furrow my eyebrows. “I know you were awake. I know you heard all that, I’m sorry about them. And I’m sorry I didn’t say anything” he apologises and I sigh. “It’s fine Jason it’s whatever. Crazy of me to even believe any of them liked me, or for even thinking I could be with David.” “You have feelings for him?” He asks. “I think I’m in love with him” I breathe out, my voice shaky from being about to cry. “Doesn’t matter though does it. I’m boring and a know it all, nothing compared to Liza right?” I chuckle.Jason sighs and pulls over, turning in his seat to look at me. “We both know you’re nothing like what they were describing you like. I don’t know what got into them, they always talk about how much they like you and want you to be with David” Jason reveals and the tears are falling rapidly now. “It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks now. David doesn’t want me and I can’t keep putting myself through this emotional trauma, now I 100% know he doesn’t want me I can try and move on” I mutter. Jason starts driving again and soon we’re pulling into my apartment complex. 

I go to leave the car but Jason puts a hand on my knee. “Don’t do anything stupid. You have the same look in your eye the night my wife left me” He sighs. “I told you, I can’t do this anymore” I sob and he pulls me into him. Hugging me and stroking my hair. Throughout the time I’ve been around everyone, I always felt really close to Jason. He’s got that paternal outlook on things. “What are you gonna do?” He asks. “I think I might go stay at my grandparents house for a while, get away from here for a while.” “You want me to take you there?” He offers. I go to protest and he shakes his head. “I don’t mind. Come on I’ll help you pack a bag” He sighs and we walk up to my apartment. He just watches me as I pack a bag.

“Why are you doing this? You’re friends with David” “Because how he treated you back there was trash, and I can see when someone’s falling apart. At this current moment you need to be thinking about finishing your last exam and graduating college. I think some time away will do you and David some good.” He explains and I nod. “I don’t wanna drag you into this Jase, but could you take a bag back to Davids for me? Please don’t tell him where I am, as far as you’re aware you left after I gave you this bag.” I say picking up another random bag and filling it with Davids stuff he left here. Jason nods and I can see the empathy he’s holding for me. We get back into his car and he takes me to my grandparents house. He gives me a hug before driving off. I sigh and go into the house, straight up to the guest bedroom. I had called my grandma in the car and she had informed me they weren’t home currently, they had taken a spontaneous trip to Hawaii but I was welcome to stay there.I send out a tweet then turned my phone off.

Davids POV*

I had let all my worries and thoughts escape me as I was talking to the guys. Feeling guilty about even thinking that way about y/n. When she left, it was about an hour later that Jason returned. He comes in solemnly and hands me a bag. I furrow my eyebrows at the guys and heath, Mariah, Natalie, Kristen, Scott And Matt who had joined us.

“What’s this?” I ask confused, with a laugh. I stop laughing when I open the bag. My face drains of colour as I look up to Jason. He bites his lip and looks away from me. “What is it?” Todd asks quizzically thinking it’s a bit. “My stuff from y/n’s house” I mumble furrowing my eyebrows. I look to Jason for answers and he sighs. “She was awake, she heard every last bit of it” he admits and I jump up. “Where is she?” I panic. The others who weren’t here before are confused. “She doesn’t want me to tell you. She needs space David, she doesn’t wanna speak to you. She never wanted to see to you again before I convinced her to leave it a week” Jason seethes. “And I’m supposed to thank you? Tell me where she is right now, I have to go explain to her” i grit. “explain what? That you’re a dick? That you’ve been stringing her along just so you’ll get laid? That you made her fall in love with you and you had no intention of being with her” Jason spits. I step back slightly. “In love with me? Did she tell you that?” I ask, tears spilling out my eyes. “Yeah. How do you feel now? You’ve absolutely broken her heart. So no, I’m not telling you where she is” he huffs and I sigh wiping my eyes.

“What the fuck just happened?” Heath interrupts. I go to my bedroom and let Jason and the guys explain it to everyone. Tears spill over my eyes as I pick up the first thing I see in my room and throw it. It becomes a habit and soon enough natalie runs into my room holding me back. We collapse on the floor, with me sobbing in her arms. “I fucked up nat” I sob. “Yeah I know you did. You just gotta give her some space. Hurting yourself or your things won’t make you or her feel any better.” She soothes. We stand up and I go back out to the living room to apologise to Jason. He shakes his head and pulls me into a hug.

“The fact is though, I didn’t even mean it, any of it. I’m just scared. I think I might love her” I admit and everyone stays silent.

Normal POV* 6 days later and I had just finished my last exam. Without jinxing myself- it went pretty well. I mean, I had studied hard the past week to take my mind off of my crumbling relationship, or lack thereof. A couple of friends and some of the guys in college were going out drinking. Normally I decline and go chill with David and them, but tonight I think I deserve it. I had bought a new outfit, something usually out of my comfort zone. I had retreated back to my apartment to get ready with my best friends joining me. They help me look extra good and then take a cute picture on my small balcony.

I watch the likes and comments roll in, the vlog squad all immediately liking it. Whilst we’re waiting for the others to get her so we can uber to the bar I start answering a couple comments. I make a couple stories of the girls getting ready, dancing, pouring drinks and a couple boomerangs.When we finally make it to the bar we were going to start our night as we walk in and find a large table in the middle. One of the guys, Dylan, one of my close friends in college has me over his shoulder. I’m giggling but smacking his back to let me down and trying to make sure my skirt is not revealing anything. He lets me down when we reach the table. Stumbling a bit he catches me by my waist making us both laugh. I sit on his knee as we all talk about our futures.

“So. When are you going to man up and ask y/bf/n on a date?” I whisper into Dylan’s ear. He shrugs. “I don’t think she’d say yes” “Are you kidding? I’m going behind her back saying this but as both of your friend, I feel obligated to step in. She’s crazy about you.” I smile. He looks up at me with his eyes wide. “Really?” He asks and I nod. A song comes on and we both gasp. I pull him and y/bf/n up with me. We start dancing and laughing. They eventually gravitate towards each other so I go back to the table with a smile on my face.

My smile fades when I get back to the table and look up. David and mostly everyone from the vlog squad are at the table opposite ours. My eyes widen when Zane notices me staring. He hits David in his arm which everyone notices. They all look over to me but I’m solely focused on David. His face lights up and he goes to stand up. I panic and run to the bathroom. I try and calm my breathing and fix myself in the mirror slightly. I take a deep breath and walk out. I bump into someone as I walk out and immediately apologise. My eyes widen.

“Hey Ilya i didn’t know you were here?” I awkwardly say wrapping my arms around him. “Yeah. I’ve been here a couple days. Uhm, Todd called me. David’s been a mess so they brought out the big guns” he laughs but I stay silent looking down. “Look I know what got said and what happened. But he’s in absolute bits about it, I think you should let him explain. You might be surprised with his response” he says rubbing my arm before walking away. I furrow my eyebrow. “Ilya?” I call out and he turns around. “Were you waiting for me outside the bathroom?” I ask and he just laughs sending me a wink before continuing back into the club. I roll my eyes and make my way back in myself. I look between the dance floor where my friends are and to the table where David was sitting pretty much alone, most of them all on the dance floor themselves.I internally smack myself as my feet drag me in his direction. He looks up shocked as I stand in front of him. I cross my arms.

“You have 5 minutes” I state and he nods. “That’s all I need” He starts so I sit opposite him, having to lean a bit closer to hear him over the music. “Look, it’s gonna sound like a shitty excuse but I didn’t mean it, any of it. I’m just really scared of being in another serious relationship and that’s what I want with you. I don’t just want the sex, however amazing it is with you. I wanna know how your day is and I wanna meet your parents. I want to take you on dates and late night drives. I want to cuddle with you and kiss you whenever I want. I want everyone to know that I love you” he pauses taking my hands in his. “And that you love me. Hopefully still, despite me being an ass” He asks hopefully. I take a moment to think. “If you didn’t mean it then why did you say it? It really hurt my feelings dave” I whimper. “I was trying to pick out things, excuses not to be with you. I don’t believe any of it, I promise. I’m not just saying it, I really don’t” he says and I bite my lip. “Please. Say you’ll be my girlfriend and I cross my heart I’ll never hurt you again. Ever. Please.” He pleads. My heart hammers in my chest at our close proximity. I do the thing that feels most natural and lean forward connecting our lips. He desperately pulls me into his lap holding my cheek. “I love you” He whispers as we pull away. “I love you too David. I swear, if you pull any of that shit again I’m out of your life faster than you can blink” I frown. He nods and leans up to kiss me again. “That’s never gonna happen cause I’m gonna make you feel the most love you’ve ever felt. I’m gonna love you right” “As much as I hated you. I really missed you” I mumble running my hand through his hair. “I missed you too baby” he smiles nudging his nose against mine.

“Ooooh baby are we back on schedule?” Zane screams in front of us so we pull away from each other to see everyone standing there eagerly. I turn back to David with a smile and he beams up at me. “Yeah we’re dating” David announces and they all go crazy. I roll my eyes and snuggle myself into Davids neck. “Congratulations by the way” he comments in my ear and I smile pecking his throat.​

[retrauxpunk]

Rain, I ask you: ALL the quarantine asks!

Animated character that was your gay awakening? not really an ‘awakening’ so much as a ‘hint’, but Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender ... yep

Grilled cheese or PB&J? GRILLED CHEESE

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? I don’t really experience this mood, but my go-to watch is the vlogbrothers YouTube channel

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? if it’s a low-key/work outing, lager or cider (esp the ones with non-apple fruits too); if it’s getting more serious (lol) or with closer friends or a more celebratory mood: vodka with sparkling apple juice

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? these Doc Martens that are white with red hearts got ’em with my first ever full time design job paycheck. i did not take care of them well so they’re super scuffed/beat-up and very much not Perfectly White ... but they’re still comfy as heck, i still love the design, and they’ve lasted 3 years so far, let’s see how much longer we can make it ... also i think they’re a limited edition so i likely won’t get my hands on any replacements...

Top three cuisines? my cheap-ass answer would be, like: East Asian, South-East Asian, Western European ... but my non-shit answer is... Japanese, Chinese, Italian (ftr i’m not a seafood fan ... i just love the ramen and non-seafood stuff that japan makes hehe)

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? i have no clue

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? cold-calling strangers to ask them to do market research phone surveys (y)

Look up. What’s directly across from you? the kitchen

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a messenger bag that i got signed by Jeph Jacques of the Questionable Content webcomic that i once adored ... and I think my boyfriend has gifted me a signed Matthew Reilly hardcover.

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? curled up indoors wearing something cosy, reading and eating something delicious. playing animal crossing lol. aaaaand listening to music, a good podcast, watching stand-up comedy, drawing, getting intoxicated...

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? occasionally the standard smoked salmon and cream cheese, but i slightly prefer the meat to be, like, prosciutto

Brunch or midnight snacks? ehh fuck it, both???? both!!

Favorite mug you own easter limited edition waitrose mug, squat and round and yellow, painted/shaped like a very round chick. a Borb,,,,

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? i actually thought about this and, uh, peppermint mocha. not for everyone, slightly weird, never fitting in with the regulars/being a default, but???? obviously awesome?? also: about 65% on the mainstream/hipster scale

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) The Wombats is the artist. lyrics are either “Let's dance to Joy Division / and celebrate the irony / Everything is going wrong, / but we're so happy” from Let’s Dance to Joy Division or “the edge of nowhere’s such a beautiful place” from Emoticons

Fruity or herbal teas? herbal but i agree with @queenofslime, black tea is the best

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? ...do i experience embarrassment about what i like to watch on TV? i don’t know if i do, because i watch relatively few shows ... and have relatively little shame? maybe???

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? ftr i wasn’t bitter about this before reading, i had no preconceived biases against, and i was pretty open to liking it -- The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

Do you match your socks? if they’re of a really nice design then yes always, if they’re of a more standard/generic design then ... not necessarily

Have you ever been horseback riding? yes a few times ... on the last time which was like five years ago ... the lady said i was a natural and asked if i’d ridden much before, which was. flattering. and yes this is a Brag.

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) didn’t have much of a hardcore phase but i was pretty much always into fantasy ... oh wait yeah i did! i had a spy phase :)

Have you ever been to jail? to closed-down ones, yep

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? pretty great idea unequivocably, right?

Puzzles? i tend to enjoy riddles/lateral thinking puzzles, i am impartial about jigsaw puzzles. i enjoy escape rooms.

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? apple ... but elderflower if i’m feeling reckless (y)

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? young adult ... or stationery

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? Russian language :( it’s going не так хорошо

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? not sure if i have a go-to artist so much as go-to playlists i’ve made but some good ones are The Wombats and Bastille 

Where could someone find you in a museum? mammals/birds in natural history

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? i swear i was talking about this recently but i clean the fuck forgot what it was ... oh yeah, i have this short-sleeved black minidress festooned with silver buckles/buttons and also featuring decorative suspenders ... which, yes, does make me look like a sexy military officer,,, anyway it’s pretty badass and somehow it hasn’t occurred to me till now that i can just wear that every day now if i want? ftw i do get the chance to wear it, it’s just a little bit Extra so i get self-conscious. i’ve worn it a few times though. including to work. because fuck it, right? i didn’t become a graphic designer to be shy about sometimes looking like a prototypical emo/scene kid-turned-adult??? (ftr i was never an actual emo/scene kid. i lacked the requisite guts, commitment of feeling, and permissive parents.)

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? sunset-coloured clouds :)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? how about a shapeshifting feathered dragon that could range from, like, two thirds of a foot long (20cm) to sit on your shoulder, to ... the size of a massive draft horse? (but longer and thinner)

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? photos, though if i didn’t live with a partner, it might be art

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i’ve already got a meme tattooed on my body ... a private meme i have with my boyfriend, one on each leg (left: outer side, just above knee; right: outside, a few inches above the ankle)

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with ?????? is this a sidekick to a known superhero, or a superhero to act as your sidekick? also i don’t know? who are the standard heroes? i’m not up to date on this.

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? rivers or oceans

Favorite mid-2000s song i can’t decide a favourite, it’s too stressful, but one that i like is Rob Thomas’s Little Wonders

How do you dress when you’re home alone? either a t-shirt and PJ pants, or a dress (usually short-sleeved/sleeveless minidress)

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? on either side of the couch haha

Knives or swords? BOTH but ok swords.

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving hmmmmm like all of Linkin Park’s first three albums with some exceptions? hahahah

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie i don’t think i.....know any????

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? explanation, though on instagram quite often the photo and caption are unrelated

Name a classic Vine there’s only one thing worse than a rapist...

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? dumplings! as in the gyoza type.

How do you top your ice cream? that ‘magic’ chocolate sauce that hardens into chocolate. that stuff. i watched those ads all childhood long but my parents were immigrants and therefore very thrifty so we NEVER bought it iirc and then in my adulthood i got it a bunch of times. but now i live in the uk and can’t find it. and forgot it existed. and have never seen it anywhere.

Do you like Jello? the kind that’s served on a plate as a dessert? meh. the kind that are found in asian grocery stores as individual fruit-flavoured serves in little plastic cups? YES 

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? future stock prices? LOL ... or i’m gonna go with @queenofslime‘s answer again -- how others see me. it’s a great answer.

How are you at climbing trees? not............ good. i mean, i like climbing, but i have absolutely terrible upper body strength. i did bouldering for a couple months but only stuck to the first like... three out of nine difficulty levels.

[whatimpunsexual]

Animated character that was your gay awakening? - I’d have to say both Danny Phantom, and also Sam Manson. 

Grilled cheese or PB&J? - PB&J but only with strawberry jelly

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? - I usually let one of my various “Music Mix” playlists 

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? - I am 20, I cannot legally drink or go into bars, but a rum and coke or a fireball is nice occasionally

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? - The 5 inch heels i use to intimidate @paxonia

Top three cuisines? - Japanese, Mexican, Italian

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? - No idea, but i know that my first sentence was me quoting Shrek. Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t remember the sentence, but I’ve always felt a connection to “That is a nice boulder.”

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? - I worked as a Manager at Mcdonalds for 3 and a half years, but that’s also like the only job I’ve had besides my current one

Look up. What’s directly across from you? - My fish tank with my Betta fish (Karma) in it

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? - I have the Limited Edition Journal 3 signed and numbered by Alex Hirsch

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? - In bed, preferably watching movies

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? - Butter on an everything bagel. If I had access to everything, I think I’d still go simple lmao

Brunch or midnight snacks? - Midnight snacks

Favorite mug you own - One that I got for Christmas a couple years back. It’s just a nice maroon color and it tapers out to be a bit wider at the top, and I Just Think It’s Neat

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? - One of those Starbucks caramel iced coffees that you can get at gas stations

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) -  “ the world might do me in / It's all right cause I'm with friends / Cause I'm giving up again / It doesn't matter” - Ghost / Mystery Skulls

Fruity or herbal teas? - Herbal

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? - Big Mouth 

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? - Oedipus was actually really good, and like all of the Shakespeare things we read in AP Lit

Do you match your socks? - Almost never

Have you ever been horseback riding? - Not by myself, but at September Fest one year, they had a person guiding kids around on horseback and that was fun

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) - Mythology..

Have you ever been to jail? - Nope

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? - They’re convenient

Puzzles? - Yes

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? - Orange juice

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? - Manga/Graphic Novels

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? - Drawing hands and proper anatomy lmao

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? - Recently, Mariana’s Trench

Where could someone find you in a museum? - Greek and Roman Mythology, or the classical art 

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? - I keep wanting to wear my overall shorts but it’s too cold

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? - The clouds are always so fun to look at

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? - A little baby red fox

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? - Art/posters

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? - the Lenny Face, and on my ankle

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with - Dick Grayson

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? - Rivers

Favorite mid-2000s song - Dear Maria, Count Me In

How do you dress when you’re home alone? - Pajama pants and a sports bra

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? - The right side of our couch, curled up in a comfy lean 

Knives or swords? - Swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving - Bang! by AJR, Idk why, I just didn’t expect it to hit as hard as it did lmao

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie - High School Musical 2

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? - It depends on the picture

Name a classic Vine - ROAD WORK AHEAD?? UH YEAH! I SURE HOPE IT DOES!

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? - Pizza Rolls

How do you top your ice cream? - Whipped cream 

Do you like Jello? - Yes, but only certain flavors

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? - When Pax and I got pretend married at our first Sadie Hawkins Dance

How are you at climbing trees? - Depends on the tree. Outside of my gma’s old house there was a Japanese Magnolia tree that was perfect for climbing, but I can’t climb straight up 

You happy, @soliduslion ?

[joyxsoul]

han jisung as ur boyfriend

-lmao there’s so many of these, but here’s another !! (highschool au rlly lol)

-okay, so u two met at school in ur senior year. he was a class clown type, always making jokes, being loud with his friends annoying every one of his teachers along the way.

-bUt, you made him soft !! like the instant he saw you, a little smile was on his face, making his friends (especially his best friend Felix) tease lil jisung, wondering who, or what could have made him this flustered

-i mean, he stopped talking for a full two hours after he saw you, your power

-anyways !!

-you had a couple of classes together, being history and english, and jisung just loved to watch you whenever there was free time between lectures

-it sounds hella creepy (it kinda was), but the way you scrunched your nose when you were concentrated, or your smirk when you finally figured something out or finished a project made his heart jump in his chest

-you were making THE han jisung shut up

-(like i said, your power :3)

-eventually, he grew the courage to talk to you (which included a pep talk from all of his closest friends, making him stand in front of the mirror and scream, “YOU ARE THE SHIT !!”)

-his tactic was to start with a pick-up line, a very classy, “on a scale of one to america, how free are you tonight ?” 

-hyunjin cringed listening to that one, seungmin was sure jisung had blew it and was gonna beat his ass after

-you were a bit surprised; you two weren’t in the same friend group and you hadn’t been seated together at any point

-but you DEFINITELY knew who he was bc who in this school didn’t know his group (a weird combination of crackheads, intellects, and stoners)

-i’ll let you decide who the stoners are in skz ;)

-being as easygoing as you were, you just laughed, responding with “are you from tennessee ? because you’re the only ten i see”

-jisung thought he was going to piss his pants he was so nervous 

-glad that he hadn’t completely ruined his image in front of you, he pulled out the empty chair beside you and struck up a conversation, most likely something related to the substitute asleep at the teacher’s desk

- you guys began to talk more often, working together on various projects, “studying” in the library (all it was was him pointing out random people in a textbook and saying, ‘that’s you’), and sitting together at lunch

-one night, he was facetiming you about homework for your history class. it was probably around 10 pm, and he spent most of the call complaining about how the pizza place messed up his order and gave him pepperoni instead of cheese 

-he had this gray hoodie on; he looked so tired and you constantly fussed over how he should get some more sleep, but he looked so cute in-

-wait did you just call him cute

-you couldn’t lie, jisung was attractive; his almond shaped eyes, his heart shaped mouth, his fluffy long hair, how his nickname was ‘quokka’ due to his face and his personality, how he texted you every morning and night, the way he said your name-

- “y/n ? is something wrong ? stop staring at my face.”

-oh shit you have a crush on han jisung

- “i told you to stop staring !! what, you have a crush on me or something ?” you shook yourself out of it, staring at him through the screen with wide eyes

-he was playing with the strings of his hoodie, his hair being messy with all the times he ran his hand through it. it was a habit you always rolled your eyes at; he’d obviously spend time in the mornings to make it look nice, only for him to ruin in ten minutes into talking about the cold war

-your other friends (wendy and lucas in particular) always teased you about your relationship with jisung

-”DO YOU SEE THOSE PUPPY EYES ?? LOOK AT HIM STARING AT YOU! !”

-”lucas please shut up.”

-but when you did look, jisung was staring at you, his smoothie straw hanging out of his mouth

-you couldn’t help but laugh at how dumb he looked

-and wow, you almost thought you saw his cheeks turn pink when you giggled 

“i know i wasn’t the only one who saw that.” lucas was looking like he was going to cry, wendy just looked fed up

-you didn’t know when your crush on him started. in those seconds of silence where you and jisung were just ogling at each other through the phone camera, you reflected on where it could’ve all gone wrong

-was it the time he held your hand when he was walking you home when an older man got too close for your liking ? or was it the time you were hanging out at his house and he fell asleep on your lap, only to smile in his sleep when you began running your fingers through his hair ? or was it the time when you two went out for boba tea when the waitress said you were a cute couple, only for him to smile and say, “thank you.”

“..y/n ?”

-”jisung, i have a crush on you.”

-silence

-pure silence

-oh my god, you messed everything up. the screen had gone black, you didn’t hear anything. building up your courage, you actually saw that he had hung up the phone, the numbers taunting you. 

-call ended  2:29

-you didn’t know what to do. your body felt numb, all sounds muted. you could only focus on a car passing by, a bird flying against the wind, the soft raindrops against the window.

-what are you supposed to do ? you had just lost the one person who you cared about the most. you two had known each other for a little over two months, but you'd already grown extremely close. you told him everything, he trusted you.

-and you fucked up a perfect, amazing friendship.

-the rain was getting heavier now, but you didn’t mind. it was always comforting to listen to, especially when you felt upset. your parents weren’t home until sunday, and as it was a saturday night, you had plenty of time to cry it out.

-”Y/N !!”

-god, you were going crazy, you swore you just heard jisung’s voice

-”Y/N !! PLEASE LET ME IN ITS RAINING AND I’M TIRED”

-dumbfounded, you looked out your bedroom window to find jisung, still wearing his gray hoodie, a little drenched, with pebbles in his hand

-oh wow he rlly went full rom com with this one

-rushing downstairs, you pulled open the front door, only to be attacked by a hug from jisung, giggling to himself in glee

- “i got here as fast as i could, i need you.” with that, he pressed his lips against yours, still wet from the rain. he smiled into it, letting out a chuckle when you kissed him back. you pulled away quickly though, the blush on your cheeks turning into a full on tomato. jisung pouted, you poking his face as he flushed pink

- “in case you couldn't tell, i like you too. thought it was obvious.” he elbowed you, leading you up to your room while muttering “this isn’t real, this isn’t real”

-”you sleepy ?” you asked, making room for him on the bed. he just nodded, saying the homework could wait

-it was a little past midnight, and all you wanted to do was sleep. you climbed in, turning off all the lights, feeling jisung’s arms snake around your waist. he put his head into your neck, humming a song that wasn't familiar. just feeling his breath on your neck was making you drift off

- “goodnight sunshine, i’ll see you in the morning.” he placed a lazy kiss on your cheek, and drifted off.

-when it came to you two actually dating, no one was surprised (except mark, but he was oblivious at the best of times). the rest of skz couldn’t care less about what you looked like; they all knew how happy you made jisung and really, that’s all that matters

-jisung was always clingy, but dating him made it worse. he was always nearby, wanting to hold your hand, wanting to play with your fingers; basically any excuse to touch you. if you don’t like pda, he would definitely respect that, it made all those moments you shared with him that much more special

-he always had a nickname for you, but ever since you had first met, ‘sunshine’ had stuck. you never knew why, but jisung just thought you glowed, even at 3 pm on a school day or 7 am on a weekend because wow he loves you

-more than anything, he loved when you played with his hair, whether you were just touching it, or running your hands through it

-he might have liked it a bit too much, but uh you were not ready to venture down that path

-jisung would also spray his cologne on all of the hoodies he gave you because he knows how much you love it

-you have SO MANY OF HIS HOODIES IN YOUR HOME

-it’s not funny

-you keep telling him to take them back, but he doesn’t want them ?? “cooties bro. can’t.”

-you aren’t complaining, they’re comfy >:((

-jisung teases the ShiT oUt OF yOU

-like one day you came into class with your friend acting cute in an attempt to steal some of her hot cheetos

-only to have HEADASS just stare at you blankly, exclaiming “you look mentally unstable” while he laughed at you

-this along with doing middle school boy shit

-i’m talking taking your notebook and hiding it in another spot of the classroom, scaring you in the hallway, making you pull worksheets out of his hands while he passed them out

-think of ANYTHING that gives off middle school boy energy, he’s done it

-as annoying as he is

-he loves you. a lot. like, his main goal in your relationship is to make sure you’re happy with him, that you aren’t going to leave him because he isn’t putting the effort in

-you keep assuring him you love him, that you’d never do that to him. but no matter how many times he nods, or smiles

-there’s uncertainty in his eyes. because of that, he always assures you how beautiful you are, stays up all night if he has to when you pull an all nighter to study, gives you all the hoodies he can provide

-not only because he feels like he has to, but he’d do anything to see you happy; no matter how tired he feels 

-it breaks his heart to see you upset

-one day, you had gotten a test back while hanging out at jisung’s house, trying to help him study. you opened your score and your heart dropped. a 59%. that’s the worst you’d ever done. you had stayed up multiple nights to study, putting off your own personal needs in order to success

-it wasn’t enough. and that hurt

-jisung saw you start to cry and he  f r e a k e d

-oh god, his precious sunshine was crying and he didn’t know what to do

-he fumbled for a bit, saying, “it’s going to be okay !! it’s just one grade !!” only for you to cry harder and him to freak out even more

-eventually, he just hugged you from behind, laying you down on the couch. you were shaking so bad and it was making jisung tear up; he really hated seeing you like this 

-he knew talking wouldn't help, so he let you cry, wiping away your tears and rubbing small circles into your back. 

-”you’re okay sunshine, just hold onto me.” you always thought you didn’t deserve someone like him. someone so loving, so supportive. 

-but you love him. you’ve never loved someone like him; how dumb he sounded but always gave the best advice, always teasing you at any time during the day but shows up in front of your door with flowers just because

-and so when he sings “i smile” while caressing your cheek, you know there’s no place you’d rather be. in his arms, the vibration of his voice lulling you to sleep and just how warm he was

-and when you got to see him perform with the rest of his rapping group, your eyes just couldn’t leave him. his charisma, his confidence, how he’d always wink at you when he spotted you in the crowd. he was truly ethereal there, almost angelic in whatever he wore, because look at him

-almost nothing was better than seeing him backstage after a show to see him; him smirking when he’d pull you into his arms still sweaty when he’d whisper “missed you babydoll”

-no matter how much he’d nag you for staying up too late and not putting enough time into yourself, and no matter how much you’d nag him for not eating enough, you wouldn’t trade each other for the moon and all of her stars

-if soulmates existed, you were lucky enough to find yours in a shitty high school at 9:40 a.m. with a cheesy pick-up line

-but you wouldn’t have it any other way

AGHHHHH i really hope everyone liked this ?? ugh, it feels so rushed, but it’s really late here, so i hope i did sungie justice :((

[allthephils]

Wax on, Wax off

Rated: E word count: 1282

Read on ao3

Happy birthday @doineedtohaveawordwithyou ! This was supposed to be a little desert introspection but I haven’t been writing much and I’m a little rusty, so it turned into solo Phil smut. Oops. Happy birthday, here’s some porn! Thank you for being such a delightful and positive presence in this fandom.

Phil thought there would be howling coyotes, screeching owls, and chirping crickets. He’d prepared himself for the frightening skitter of tiny lizard feet. He had not prepared himself for this kind of quiet, a silence that screams it’s stillness all around him, unavoidable. It’s beautiful here but so expansive, never ending, and so hot that the air presses in from all sides. VidCon exhausted his social reserves. Las Vegas will be yet another onslaught. The ghost towns and quirky truck stops were his favorite part so far but this part, just relaxing in nature, that doesn’t come so easy. He’s meant to be resetting, renewing, taking time alone out here. Dan went off to strip out of his poor clothing choices and shower. Martyn and Cornelia have long since disappeared but he can hear their chatter and Corn’s musical laughter every so often. 

  The ground is hard under Phil’s back but his feet hang over the edge of the pool, slowly kicking back and forth through the too blue water, still visible in the bright moonlight. That’s one thing, the moon. It’s full and bright, illuminating in ways it just doesn’t in London. The stars are dull, hidden behind the veil of light. He counts as many as he can, tracing shapes with his finger tip stretched out in front of him. He thinks he spots a planet or two. 

  Somewhere behind him, he hears the shower turn on. Phil had rushed through his, feeling oddly exposed in the bright morning but showering under the stars doesn’t sound too bad. Dan must be loving it, surrounded by the night sky, under a spray of cool water. What a perfectly pretentious end to a day spent wearing £300 joggers in 40 degree heat. He’ll be lathering up by now. Rubbing that cruelty free, organic jasmine body wash over his sweat soaked skin. An absent minded hand finds it way to Phil’s open collar, scratching gently through the soft hair there. With an image of a soapy Dan in mind, he fingers a button open, then another and another until he’s wriggling his shirt down his shoulders and tossing it aside. 

  As oppressive as the heat is, it does bring some gifts. Dan’s pretty legs, shaved smooth, pale but somehow still golden made an appearance yesterday. Phil remembers running his hand up a slim calf, he can practically feel Dan’s warm skin as he drags his fingers down over his own belly, teasing past his waist band slightly before flattening his hand and feeling the skin, muscles rippling as he lifts his head to watch. 

  Dan’s probably got his head thrown back, watching the stars as he washes. He probably has a hand on his inner thigh, idly reaching fingers to stroke the skin behind his balls. Phil’s hand has made it’s way over his rib cage to his chest now. The swirling heat just under the surface has nothing to do with the desert, prickling up his thighs and behind his nipples. He grazes over a one sensitive nub, gasps just a bit and moves straight to pinching and rolling, his other hand shooting down to unbutton his shorts. Sweat and heat are irrelevent to Phil if it means he can press his body to Dan’s but Dan won’t want to fuck in this heat. Sex tends to override discomfort for Phil. It also overrides propriety, good judgement, and modesty but that’s neither here nor there. There doesn’t seem any good reason to deny himself this. Everyone else is occupied and he is meant to be relaxing. 

  For a brief moment, he reconsiders calling out for Dan, or getting up to go join him in the shower. He’s so good to himself though, no one is better at touching Phil than Phil, not even Dan. And he’s rather settled here, just warm enough with his feet in the pool, perfectly acclimated. His body says stay a while, get comfy, keep going, and Phil is never one to deny his body a craving. Lifting his hips, he shoves his shorts and pants down in one motion before wrapping a hand around himself. He’s half hard but the idea of open air around his cock has it filling his grip completely. 

  His hands are lazy. A low electric current runs through his fingertips, leaving his skin dewy and buzzing with every touch. Yeah. Touch my cock. Fuck. Words whispered to himself through crooked, quirked up, self aware lips. Words that push the hum of arousal until his slow tease becomes a torture and he gives in. Thoughts roll through his mind, half formed and disjointed, moving from fantasy to memory and finally to simple here and now reality. There is no one for miles and Phil’s cock is beautiful moving in and out of his fist. Nothing wrong with finding your own cock beautiful. He can’t deny what so many have told him. It’s long and perfectly straight, deep pink and shining at the tip where it slips past his foreskin. 

  His breath catches and his thumb finds a rhythm, flicking over a nipple in time with his stroking hand. His eyes slip shut but he forces them open. Seeing actual stars when he cums is too good an opportunity to pass up. He giggles a bit at the thought. Tension builds in his gut and his strokes speed up, losing coordination in a deliciously desperate surge toward release. There are splashes from the shower and Phil’s imagination runs wild. Maybe in the morning, he’ll push his nipples against the smooth wet wood, arching his back so Dan can fuck him silly before breakfast. 

  He gives his nipple a break to free up a hand, running through his hair with a tug before moving his hand down to cup and massage his balls while he jacks himself fast and hard. He sees naked Dan on an ass shaped rock, he sees Chris Hemsworth on his knees, he sees himself, half naked on the ground, feet in the pool, cock in his hand. That’s the image that does it. Narcissism is underrated. He tries to be quiet but a groan escapes, eyes squeezed shut, as he makes a terrible mess of his own belly. 

  He’s alone and sticky and smiling in the dark. It’s nearly midnight and the shower is still running. Maybe Dan had the same idea. Now they can climb in to bed and just cuddle. That sounds too good to resist so he stands, stepping out of his shorts and shoes and walking naked into the sliding door that goes straight to their room. When he opens the shower door Dan looks dreamy and tired, spent and happy. He looks Phil up and down and lets out a raucous laugh. 

  “I see you’ve been taking your self care seriously,” He says, smirking. “I was afraid you were coming in here to get frisky.”

  “Frisky?” Phil cocks his brow, “Ok grandpa, I figured you’d be too tired after today anyway.”

  “Not tired at all.” Dan answers, “but you’re clearly all used up.”

  “Is that a challenge?”

  A high pitched ha! echos in the night. “You’re filthy. Covered in cum and already asking for more.” He’s attempting derision but only achieving a kind of fond reprimand. “You aren’t a teenager anymore Phil, I don’t think you have it in you.”

  Phil steps into the shower and kisses Dan, soft enough to make him shudder, hard enough to make his knees weak. Spinning Dan around quickly, he pushes him into the wall and lays his body over him, Dan’s giggles bouncing off the shower walls. Phil kisses behind his ear and whispers there. “Let’s test that theory, yeah?”

[truthfulrebellion-blog]

Hysterectomy

Let’s call it what it is. No pussy footing around it. A necessary evil on the way to the end game: phalloplasty. I had been waiting almost six months to hear back about my approval for phalloplasty. I currently have health insurance through Kaiser Permanente, and they had a laundry list of things for me to do in order to present my file to the medical board. I had to transfer my files over from the organization I was seeking healthcare through, as it was cheaper than paying out of pocket for an endocrinologist, to Kaiser. I also had to obtain letters from two medical professionals confirming my need for bottom surgery. The whole process took nearly a year and several trips to medical facilities nearly thirty miles away from my home. My case manager finally called and said in order for the final review to occur, I had to get a hysterectomy.

At the time, I thought that was done by the surgeon performing the phalloplasty at the time of the phalloplasty. With Kaiser, that is not the case. They want anything and everything they have the capability of doing done within their facility. Likely to keep costs down. I didn’t mind. My hysterectomy was scheduled for December 15th, 2018. I had to get blood tests done and watch several videos that didn’t pertain to my situation regarding the procedure. The videos are, obviously, geared towards women. I did what I needed to do and prepared myself for the surgery date. I got a call to move my surgery up about 10 days, even better. Then not 24 hours before the surgery, I received a call stating that it was being delayed for a week. My new date was the 11th. This was terribly inconvenient as my care giver for after my surgery had already taken off work for the original surgery date.

I walked into the facility to check in about an hour early. I had yet another interesting surprise. The surgery was going to cost me money. $475, or close to it. Luckily, I had the money. I was very upset that I wasn’t told about this ahead of time, however. I am paying for the most expensive coverage this company offers so I had as little to pay out of pocket as possible. In the grand scheme of things, $475 is better than $10k. It still would have been nice to know before I showed up. If you have Kaiser, please make sure you know exactly what the costs are before you walk in the door.

I got checked in. I had to remove all of my clothing, put on a hospital gown & surgery cap, and take one final per break. I also forgot to mention I had to stop eating at midnight the day of and wipe my body down with these pre-surgery wipes. I was hungry and my skin smelled weird. They hooked up my IV, fed me my “lunch”, and several doctors came in to ask me questions and verify information. My surgery was supposed to occur at 3pm, but was delayed until closer to 5/530. My surgeon came in to make sure I knew what was about to take place. He also talked to me about a surgeon for bottom surgery in Arizona or New Mexico he was going to refer me to. He had given me the name in our prior consultation. When I looked that surgeon up, I was horrified. The man was fired from the California region Kaiser Permanente for botching transwomens vaginoplasties. The guy didn’t even specialize in phalloplasty. I expressed these concerns to him and told him it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to partner with him for any trans surgeries. Hopefully he heeds my advice. He confirmed that after the surgery, he would stick to the decision to refer me to Dr. Jens Berli of Portland, OR.

I knew nothing of Dr. Berli. There are no results to been seen online, barely anyone who has undergone his procedure even talks about their results, and I couldn’t find any other information besides his starting point in Maryland. I found his Facebook page and did some pretty intense research on him. He seems to genuinely care about his patients and has a passion for what he does. His only negative review is from someone who never had surgery with him because of a communication issue with his staff. Everyone else gave him five stars. So, I figured why the hell not. Hopefully my progress will help others who may be going to Dr. Berli for their phalloplasty be more comfortable with moving forward with him or the surgery itself. I am flying as blind in this moment as some of those who might read this in the future might feel. Trust me. I feel your pain.

I finally went in for my surgery. This time I wasn’t put under until I was on the surgery table. For my top surgery, I was out before I turned the corner on the way to the operating room. The next thing I remember is waking up several hours later and in pain. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was very disoriented. I’m not surprised considering I was on anesthesia. Apparently I wasn’t breathing enough either since my O2 alarm kept going off. I had to stay for an extra hour until I could get my breathing going regularly. Which is hard because I believe I have sleep apnea, and when I sleep I breathe much slower than I do when I’m awake. So I would fall back asleep, stop breathing, and be woken up by the nurses to get me to breathe. I didn’t feel any different than I usually do. I was actually quite comfy. But I’m sure it was uncomfortable for others around me to see me breathe 1-2 times a minute while asleep.

I was in so much pain. The pain meds hadn’t kicked in yet. I had had a total hysterectomy, oophorectomy, and partial vaginectomy. Let me tell you. When your genitals are covered in stitches, sitting fucking hurts. I couldn’t get comfortable. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Lord, that was an adventure in of itself. Once I was done, I had to have the nurse help me pull my maternity disposable underwear and extra absorbent pad on. And to help me get dressed. The was a humbling experience. But those disposable underwear are comfortable AF. I wish I had had more of them. I was only sent home with the 1 extra pair. After I got dressed, they sent my care giver to get the car. They sat me in a wheel chair and wheeled me to the pick up area. Wheel chairs are super uncomfortable. I begged the nurse to let me sit on the plushy waiting area seat, but she told me no. I couldn’t wait to get out of that chair. It hurt so bad.

I’ll spare additional details about the trip home. I was basically in pain in the seat, it took over an hour to get home, and I got right in the couch seat I’d be in for the next week and fell asleep. I had to wake up every 1-2 hours to pee and every 4 hours to take my pain meds. Compared to my chest surgery, the pain of the hysterectomy actually wasn’t too bad. I barely needed any medicine. The worst pain came when I peed. It burned like the surface of the sun, and I could barely get the urine out. This lasted for about 2-3 days. I was bleeding pretty regularly for 1-2 weeks and spotting until the 6th week. I had horrible colored discharge the entire recovery. I actually had to go get adult diapers when my last pair of those comfy underwear got worn out. I couldn’t find any of those huge puffy pads or anything without adhesive.

I think the worst part was not being able to poop. I could feel the poop in my back. I really could. But I could not get my bowels to work. Apparently, this is normal. I ended up pooping on day 5. Best advice? Take stool softeners religiously. I would go so far as to say take a laxative on day 3 or 4 because that poop is going to be quite solid. TMI alert, my first poop after surgery tore a little bit of the inside. Like a hemorrhoid. I’m getting into these details because I wish I had had them. It’s not rainbows and butterflies. It’s bleeding and inability to poop. I also could barely sleep as I had to sleep on my back, and I can’t sleep on my back. I get so unfortable. By day 3 I was sleeping on my side on the other couch. I’m also a bigger guy, so I had to hold my stomach when I got up since there was a lot of pain from my belly hanging. I’m not 300+ pounds or anything, but I do have a beer belly. If you are the same, just be prepared for tummy pain when getting up.

I slept on the couch for 3 weeks. It was so much more comfortable than my bed. And it was easy access to everything. I am almost 8 weeks post op and still get tummy pain. But for the most part, pain and blood free. I do still have discharge coming out. I’ll probably continue to wear the diapers until I run out just in case. I had already ruined a pair of pants when I thought the discharge was done. But after about 7-10 days, I was walking around and driving and doing what I needed to do. It was uncomfortable to sit and bend over, so my roommate had to help with a lot of things. My final observation is to leave the scabs alone. I accidentally picked at my belly scab and one of the dissolvable stitches came loose from my incision. I had that stitch hanging out for at least 2 weeks until it finally dissolved at the base and popped off. My scars look great and my hair has finally grown back on my stomach.

I’m doing all of this well after my surgery, so I am sure I have missed a thing or two. If you have any questions, please give me a comment or a message. I will answer anything.

[iadorayou-blog]

Hide - Chapter 8

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After our kiss, I laid my head on Lance's chest like a pillow and we continued to watch the movie. I paid more attention to Lance’s steady breathing than the dialogue of the movie. It was soft and calm. He sounded completely at ease. I felt that way too. Lance just did that to me he just made me feel happy and comforted. I wish I could feel this way all the time.

“Hey, Keith do you hear that?” Lance ripped me out of my trance focused on the subtle rise and fall of his chest.

“No, hear what?” I asked trying to listen to whatever he was hearing.

“It’s like a phone buzzing but mines right here not buzzing.” He said showing me his phone with one notification from Pidge that read ‘you’re a loZer ;-P.’

I looked around for my phone not finding it, “shoot I think I set it down on your bed while we were building the fort.” Lance paused the movie to let me crawl out and get it, “oh I forgot to tell Allura that I left with you she’s been texting and calling. I should call her back give me a second.”

“Feel free. If you wanna step out into the hall you can too.” Lance replied. I opted to stay in his room pacing around the fort.

“Hey, Allura,”

“Keith are you okay? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for so long!” She yelled.

“I know I’m sorry I forgot to tell you I went home with Lance,” I explained

“Oh? I didn’t think you were that type of person Keith.”

“Not like that Allura. We’re just watching a movie. You do owe me brownies though.” She shrieked of excitement I’m sure Lance was able to hear because it practically burst my eardrum.

“Tell me all about it what happened? Did y’all kiss? Did y’all confess? Is that why you didn’t answer the phone because you were kissing?”

“Allura I already said not like that but I am staying the night and I’ll tell you when I get home tomorrow, we’re kinda hanging out right now I just wanted you to know I was okay and safe.”

“Fine just” She paused as if she was searching for the right words, “use a condom.” She finished before abruptly hanging up. I grunted really hoping Lance did not hear any of what Allura said.

I crawled back in the fort to join Lance, “sorry about that,” I started before being cut off.

“Allura is funny.” He teased.

“You heard all that?” I asked timidly.

“Mmmhhhmmmm,” he hummed in response.

“Well pretend you didn’t.” I Burris’s my face in his chest to hide my embarrassment. He soothingly petted my hair.

“Don’t worry I didn’t hear a thing I don’t even know what thing we could be talking about.” He said jokingly. “Now let’s get back to the movie,” he gently shook me to signal I souls turn around and watch.

“But I’m comfy right here,” I groaned my words being muffled by his chest.

“I call bs I am like mostly ribs I doubt you're comfortable.”

“Physically I’ve been better but emotionally I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever been.”

“Well you can still snuggle up to my chest just turn around so you can watch one of my favorite movies with me,” his tone almost a whine, “pretty please?”

“Fine, but you gotta give me a kiss.” I turned over to face him.

He leaned in, “Glad to know I’m not the only one able to be bribed with kisses.” Our lips met again for another soft and sensual kiss. When we pulled back we lingered just inches apart starring into each other’s eyes. “You’re cute,” he started, “I can’t wait until we’re sober and we can make out.”

“Did you already forget about the movie?” I giggled at him.

“Yes. You’re very distracting,” He grinned, “but for real let’s get back to this movie.”

We continued to watch the movie snuggled together. Lance was such a romantic, he loved sweet kisses, snuggles, and quiet intimacy in general. He simply enjoyed just being with someone he likes. I could tell because the smile hardly left his face. He would kiss the top of my head from time to time as if to remind me he was there.

We continued on like this for a while, I could tell why Lance wanted to watch this movie so bad. It’s probably some of the best representation the gays have. To be fair we don’t have a lot but even if we did this would still be some of the best. It kept us engaged and invested. The movie ended with the main character and his love interest kissing on the Ferris Wheel.

“Keith we should go to the state fair when it comes around,” Lance said excitedly.

“Why do you wanna kiss on top of the Ferris wheel just like they did?” I joked.

“I mean it would be cute but I mostly go through the mirror maze with you and play all those games that you have to shoot like a bottle or something because I have incredible aim.” He bragged, “I’m gonna win you a prize.”

“Well, what if I wanna win you a prize?” I turned to face him when the credits started to roll.

“I mean it’s not like I can stop you.” He said, “I do need to stop the feeling if chlorine on my skin though,” he started to pull away, “so I’m going to need you to let go of me so I can go shower.”

But I just clung to him tighter, “Um no we’re not allowed to stop cuddling that’s illegal.”

“I mean, you could always join me,” he smirked playfully at me.

“Lance,” they “I know I know we agreed but you didn’t want to let go so I had to offer. Besides it was a joke,” he paused before he quietly continued, “mostly.”

“Fine, I will release you from my grasp to go shower.” I let go of him but he didn’t move.

“You have to shower after me though, I don’t want my bed to smell like chlorine.” He kissed my forehead and got up to shower. I rolled to the center of the fort and shrouded myself in the blankets and my eyes were difficult to keep open. I dug around for my phone to look for the time. It was only midnight but it felt more like three in the morning. I skimmed my notifications seeing mostly ones from Instagram stating Allura was going live. There was a text from Shiro, “so I hear you have a boyfriend now ;)” followed by, “if he breaks your heart I will break him in half, but in other news, I too have a boyfriend now!”

I quickly typed out a reply, “actually Lance isn’t my boyfriend we just kissed and now I’m at his house but with the way, he’s talking I bet we’ll be boyfriends soon.”

“Wait it’s Lance? All Allura said was that you had a boyfriend. Did my flirting tips work?” He replied so fast it seemed like he was waiting.

“Yeah it’s Lance and no your flirting tips didn’t work I didn’t even try them. Adam’s flirting tips worked.”

“Speaking of Adam”

“I knew he liked you!” I replied before he was done typing.

“He’s my boyfriend. Wait how did you know I just found out????”

“Shiro he was flirting with you in front of me during our weekly Skype call. You’re just dumb.”

“Okay yeah, but you don’t have to say it.”

“ANYWAYS I’m happy for you but if he hurts you I will destroy his entire bloodline.”

“Thank you and I’ll let him know LOL!!!!”

“Please never type that again.”

“Don’t tell me what to do u r a minor go to bed.”

“Lance is in the shower and he won’t let us get into his bed until we shower so I’m waiting on the floor in our fort.”

“Well, nap on the floor you should rest u need beauty sleep you look like an ogre in the morning.”

“Thanks, I hate u goodnight”

“I’m joking but you never get enough sleep anyways”

With that, I put my phone back at my side and settled into the blankets again and shut my eyes. I was out like a light. I’ve always been a light sleeper but that night for some reason I fell asleep hard and fast. I didn’t even hear Lance get out of the shower. It didn’t feel like much time had passed before Lance was by my side trying to wake me up.

“Keith… wake up… Keith…” He was gently nudging me waiting for me to open my eyes.

“Mmmmmmmmm, don't wanna…” I groaned.

“Keith if you don’t shower tonight you’ll feel gross in the morning. Also, you need to finish your drink and take some vitamins or you’ll wake up with a hangover,” I groaned at him again, “I promise you you’ll feel better in the morning I put a towel and pajamas on the counter for you and started up the shower so it’s warm.”

“Fine.” I reached out for him to help me up.

“I’ll clean up out here, pull out the vitamins you need, and be in bed ready to cuddle you until you fall asleep again, okay?” I nodded and went to the bathroom. Discarded my clothes onto the floor and hopped into the shower, he was right it was warm and it felt nice to clean off.

I completed my regular shower routine and got out I dried off and put on the clothes Lance left out for me. One of his t-shirts and a plush pair of fleece pajama pants. It was so much more comfortable than what I had been wearing. Also, the added comfort that they were Lance’s.

I went back into his room and just as he said the fort was completely cleaned up and he was in his bed playing some game on his phone.

“There’s the beautiful boy!” I blushed, “your drink and some vitamins are on my desk: a low dose of over the counter iron supplements, calcium chews, vitamin D, and some melatonin.” He pointed to the corner of his desk where my drink and the vitamins he listed sat out ready for me. I chewed up the calcium gummy and then took the pills with my drink finishing it off. Lance lifted the cover and patted the space in the bed next to him. I crawled under the covers and snuggled up to him nuzzling my head into his chest. Lance hit a button on his phone that turned off the lights and combed his fingers through my hair and once again that night I was out like a light.