#if you're reading these i didn't do my due diligence :)

[pancakeke]

you KNOW what I'm bitching about under the cut

today at work my boss emailed our development team with me on CC and asked if they had updated something that altered system lead times for components. our department (procurement) was called out as the source of delays but she believed our scheduling program wasn't factoring in extra time for us to request quotes. this isn't something the scheduler has ever done, I don't know where she got that idea.

I had zero prior knowledge of any issue until reading this email btw.

anyway she cited a component part number in the subject of the email only and said an order using it was slated to ship from our facility before the component was received. she did not bother providing the order number, or any other links. the body of the email ended with a number that didn't resemble the component PN or order number and when I looked it up there weren't any results.

a developer replied saying nothing had been changed and asked her to provide concrete evidence by giving him an order number. he did not bother looking up the component number (though I guess it was in a stupid place, and there wasn't a link to hand hold). if he used that he would have seen that it was only used by one order. it takes 2 clicks to reach an order from a part page.

I checked the order and saw that our sales team (who decides the reasons for order fulfillment delays) edited this order yesterday to remove one component and add the component my boss mentioned. they did not, however, update the order's ship date or notify my team via either email or ticket. the new component had a longer lead time than the original, so this was a problem. this change and the creation of a delay was not my dept's fault though, so blaming us for it is total bullshit.

now if you're keeping track: of the 3 parties involved here, all 3 have failed to do their due diligence, 1 has provided insufficient details, and 1 has entered false information and failed to communicate any details entirely. the developer is not off the hook yet though.

I checked out the math that determines the date this order ships from our facility. all steps from procurement to shipment are laid out with the amount of time each should consume, and then at the bottom the number of days for all steps are added together and stacked on the order entry date to get a ship date.

except there are two of these sections, one that shows everything as it was the moment the order was first entered and one that shows everything for the order's current form. the current form had one accounting processing day included (standard for all orders) but the this was listed as 0 days for the original form section.

this means the order's original form, which sets the ship date for an order, is always 1 day sooner than current (and real) ship date calculation. sales has to manually adjust set ship dates or they will not update. so development did break something after all. the guy in this email thread was either unaware yet confident enough to make a statement claiming otherwise or made a knee jerk response saying they didn't do anything.

no one looks. no one reads. no one communicates. everyone makes judgements despite all those things. I'm going to start throwing bricks.

edit: btw I replied to the email with all the info I found including numbers, links, and screenshots. I am responsible when it matters.

[the-grim-and-sanguine]

Get To Know Me Tag

Thanks for the tag, @buffythevampirelover! Their post is here!

Last Song I Listened To: I'm currently listening to Varied Thrush by Sparkbird!

Last Thing I Watched: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil! I watched it when it first came out, stopped when season 2 ended, and am now trying to finish it though it's taken me a couple years to finish season 3 and I'm almost done with season 4!

Last Book I Read: Does Danny Phantom: A Glitch In Time by Gabriela Epstein count…?

Things I'm Currently Obsessed With: Genshin Impact (as always since I started playing in 2021) but mainly with Albedo since he'll be coming back tomorrow (3/12) and I can finally get him! I can GET HIM!! And Itto's weapon!!! I'll finally have my geo team!!!! Albedo-Itto-Kokomi-Gorou!!!!!

Spicy/Savory/Sweet: Savory! (Really it just depends what the autism gremlin says)

Relationship Status: I'm a fiancé :p

Tagging the one I'm fiancé'd to (@planets-and-prose), and @k-v-briarwood since I harass them, and I'm really out of practice so I'm also tagging anyone who wants to do this lol

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

When they misunderstand and kiss your cheek - svt 95z

💋Who; Seventeen 95 line (individually) x reader. 💋What; lil fluff reactions. 💋Wordcount; around 1k all together 💋Warning; Profanity. Kind of suggestive in places.

Read the other versions here; 96z - 97z - Maknae3

-2024 Masterlist - A/N-I don't even know where this idea came from, it just popped into my head. I got carried away so I had to split it up and shall upload the other members' parts when I finish them. If you have ideas about the other members then feel free to send them in, it could help with any I get stuck on 💖

💋Seungcheol💋 It's a hot day and for some reason, that apparently means Seungcheol wants to go to the store and get ice cream as if he didn't drag you out for the same reason yesterday. "I told you to buy some for your freezer yesterday!" You whine where you're slumped on the couch at his side with no will to move yet knowing you will because you're utterly whipped for Choi Seungcheol. "Shut up and get ready." He pats your knee, exposed due to your shorts, smearing something on you as he does. It grosses you out until you realise it's some of the sunscreen he's diligently applying to his face. So you sit up and rub in the remnants, then the extra he squirts on your skin assuming you had not applied any already. He's right. Seungcheol finishes first and just holds the bottle open ready to give you more as he tries to not stare at the way your hands glide over your legs for the sake of his sanity. He's already hot enough thank you. When you notice him just sitting there, you lift one hand to tap your cheek, implying that you want him to start working on putting the protective liquid on your face. Instead, he dumbly leans over and plants a kiss there, shocking you still. It isn't until he leans back and takes in your bewildered expression darting between his face and the bottle in his hands that he realises his mistake. "Uh, shit, sorry, I didn't think." "Makes it sound like kissing me is your automatic reaction." "Don't be a brat or you can buy your own ice cream." "Ha, yeah right, you always buy me everything." "I spoil you too much, dug my own grave there." He starts to apply the sunscreen to your face to distract you both from his embarrassing mistake. "You know, for the record, I didn't mind it." "You didn't?" He looks at you and you shake your head a little, cheeks slightly pink as you focus on your legs despite the fact all of the liquid was long ago absorbed. "So can I do it again? But maybe somewhere else this time?" "Pervert." "Complete brat, honestly." "You clearly like it, you want to kiss me so bad." "Yeah, I do. So?" "Do it." So he does and you get carried away enough that by the time you make it out of his apartment, the store is already closed.

💋Jeonghan💋 Everyone knows that Jeonghan loves Legos, a fact that means that pretty much every gift he received for his last birthday and Christmas were Lego sets. It's been months yet he still hasn't even managed to open most of them due to his busy schedule so he recruited you to be his assistant. It's mostly just a ploy to spend more time alone with you but he also does know you're probably one of the only people he knows who enjoys the building process as much as he does. "Ooh, making good progress." He comments after glancing over to see that you are pretty much breezing through the castle as he works on the ferris wheel. His words make you look up with a hum to look at his own progress. You give a thumbs up and look up at his face, he's already looking at you in that happy soft way he does when you two are spending quality time together like this. But you barely notice it, eyes instead landing on the smudge of something on his cheek. You lean a little closer and realise it's powder from the snacks he had earlier been eating. You tap your own cheek in the mirror position, silently telling him about the mark which isn't even an unusual action for you two but for some reason, on this day, Jeonghan doesn't take it as a sign to wipe his cheek but instead lean over, placing one hand on the carpet between you to press his lips gently to your skin. He quickly realises his mistake but in true Jeonghan fashion, he plays it off with a smug little smirk as he settles back into his place and gets back to his task. Not willing to let Jeonghan win this, you lean over and grab him by his collar to pull him closer, causing his eyes to blow wide. You wipe at his cheek before kissing it and then all but shoving him back into place. Neither of you says a word as you get back to your builds, both too flustered to remember how to work your mouths in a way that doesn't involve pursing lips.

💋Joshua💋 Lately, Joshua has been really into baking. At any random time, you can get a message from him requesting your help baking a cake or pie or some other kind of sweet treat. And if you don't respond to him fast enough, he takes it upon himself to turn up at your apartment laden with supplies and takes over your kitchen so that you have no choice but to help him bake. The latter is what has happened today; Joshua turned up a few hours ago declaring that you two are going to make "the best fucking chocolate to have existed. Think that Matilda cake but sexier" and who are you to argue with the sweet buff devil of a man. "Okay, I've got to admit, you were weirdly right about it being sexier," You mutter as you carefully pipe chocolate swirls onto the cake. Or attempts at swirls, neither of you is very good at the decor aspect of baking yet. "Told you!" He grins smugly and looks at you before laughing. "What?" "You've got icing on your cheek." "Get it then," He shows you his hands, already smeared with icing. "You've got a mouth, haven't you-" before you can finish and tell him to lick the icing from his hands, his lips are against your skin. "That didn't work." He mutters, leaning back and licking the smear of chocolate from his lips while keeping his gaze on your cheek. He leans in again and again and again, dragging his lips over that same patch of skin enough that he really should've been done long ago. "There." He finally leans back with a satisfied little smirk. "All clean now." And then he lifts his hands to lick the icing from them like you had tried to tell him to in the first place. You can't really focus after that and the smug bastard knows it.

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 31 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley didn't like the fact that you'd soon be leaving him for a work trip to Annapolis. Being apart was hard enough before, but he knew it would be worse now. His thoughts start to manifest, and he wonders if he'll ever be enough of what you and the baby need.

Warnings: Swearing, smut, pregnancy topics, angst, fluff

Length: 4900 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

Bradley sat on the living room couch in his boxer briefs with a plate full of peanut butter crackers and a glass of ice water. He'd been doing his due diligence by making sure you ate several small meals throughout the day and fucking you as soon as your eyes welled with tears when you reached for him. He could tell now when you were about to throw up just as easily as he could tell when you needed to get off. It was amazing how unprepared he was for dealing with all of this, but none of it was putting a damper on the constant excitement he felt. 

"Okay. Next slide," you said as you hit the spacebar on your laptop which was open on the coffee table displaying information he could barely understand. He held up the plate and let you eat a cracker before handing you the glass of water so you could take a sip. Then you handed it back to him and took a deep breath before diving into the information on the new slide.

You'd been at it for hours, trying to get your parts down perfectly so you could spend the upcoming week rehearsing the presentation with Cat before you left for Annapolis. Bradley came back from playing golf on Sunday, and you and he had a quickie in the laundry room literally while you helped him out of his sweaty clothes. Afterwards, when he tried to get in the shower, you guided him to the couch instead as you said, "Don't shower yet. You smell so good, it'll motivate me to practice my slides."

And that's how he ended up where he was. "You're doing great, Baby Girl," he whispered whenever you paused to eat some of your snacks. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

Bradley marveled, not for the first time, over the fact that you married him. You were the smartest and most capable person he'd ever met, explaining things in such detail that only the most intelligent people in the Navy could possibly comprehend you. All while also wearing his rings and carrying his baby.

He sat as patiently as he could while you meticulously finished your presentation, but as soon as you went over the final slide and closed your laptop, he was up off the couch. And this time he was the one ready to start whining for you. "Can we go to the bedroom?" he asked as you looked at the notes in your binder and put them in a different order. 

"Hmm," you hummed, shifting a few more sheets around. "In a minute," you mumbled, but when you bumped into him, you smiled. "You're hard, Bradley."

"Baby Girl," he moaned as you rubbed yourself against him. "Your presentation was way too sexy. Let's go get in bed."

You were laughing. "If you thought it was sexy now, just wait until the admirals get to see me do it in uniform."

"I'm already jealous," he whispered, coaxing you along with his fingers at your back. When he wrapped his hands around to the front of your body, he said, "I can't wait until you have a baby bump."

"I can," you told him softly as you climbed into bed and looked up at him where he stood. "What if I look hideous?"

"You couldn't." His response came quickly, because he didn't have to think about it at all. "You won't. You'll still be perfect."

He ran his fingers along the necklace he'd given you and played with the charms as you asked, "Even when I'm huge and miserable and nine months pregnant? And when I'm all lumpy looking after the baby is born?"

Bradley leaned down and kissed you softly. "You threw up on me yesterday after you burst into tears and yelled at me for leaving Tramp's leash on the porch, and I still wanted to make love to you. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

You groaned and then started laughing and curled up into a ball on your side. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now."

"Don't apologize. I know you didn't mean any of it," he replied with a chuckle as he slid into bed behind you and pulled the covers over both of you. "And I'm ready for you to have a belly, because you'll look adorable. And it also means we'll be closer to meeting the chicken nugget for real. The ultrasound pictures are cute and all, but I can't wait to see the little nugget in March."

"You just like calling it that, because it's a Rooster joke," you said as he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your neck. "I'm surprised you're not trying to design a chicken themed nursery."

"Hey," he grunted next to your ear as he worked your yoga pants and your underwear down over your butt. "You promised me we could do airplanes for the nursery," he reminded you, guiding his fingers over your thigh to your tattoo. He traced it from memory as you sighed softly before he felt you spread your legs wider for him. Bradley smiled as he ran one fingertip down your slit, discovering that you were already wet for him. "Baby number two can have a chicken themed nursery."

You moaned his name as he slipped one finger inside you, but he didn't hear you argue about his fantastic idea.

-------------------------

You were completely scatterbrained at work all week, and you could tell you were making Cat nervous. You'd probably be making Bickel nervous too, but he had so much faith in you, he was completely at ease. The fact that he was sending the two of you to Annapolis for the week on your own was a testament to that fact. 

"You'll do great, Lieutenant Commander," he said when you were in his office to give him a final copy of the powerpoint presentation. "Pretty soon you won't even need me around since you could run the lab yourself. Just bring back all of that funding so we can keep the pilots up in the air for as long as possible."

"Yes, sir," you told him with a smile as he tapped through your slides. He made a few comments, and you took notes, but his trust in you and the Top Gun program always made you feel confident. 

"This looks great. Call me during the week after you give your presentations."

"We will," you promised, and when he dismissed you, Cat was on you as soon as you were back in the lab. 

"What did he think?" she asked, tapping her fingers on the counter. "Did he hate it? Do we have to redo it? You've been so weird all week that it's making me feel weird too!"

You laughed, because for the first time in weeks, you were feeling slightly normal. "He said it's great. We're ready to go."

"Oh," she replied, her fingers relaxing immediately. "I just really want to get a promotion," she whispered. "I really need a pay raise."

"I know," you reassured her. "We'll be fine. I know all of the slides by heart. Bradley has been spending hours practicing them with me."

Cat snorted. "Yeah, something tells me that's a bit of a stretch."

"What do you mean?"

"I've seen you and Bradley in the cafeteria all week," she replied, giving you a knowing look. "Five minutes around him and the two of you go sneaking off. But I guess if I had unlimited access to Jake like that, I would also be 'practicing for hours'."

You knew discretion wasn't your strong suit when it came to your husband, but Cat wasn't going to even humor you trying to deny it. "I've been trying to get as much of him as I can now since I'll have to go days without."

She nodded and said, "We'll have fun though. Maybe we can go out one night for drinks."

The last thing you wanted to do was make her feel like you didn't want to spend time with her in Annapolis. "That would be really fun," you replied with a tight smile. You'd figure it out. Just like you'd figure out how you were going to deal with your parents when you saw them for dinner while you could barely eat. 

When you got home from work on Friday, you parked the red Bronco in the empty driveway and let Tramp outside. You were already packing for the trip when Bradley got home. He came into the bedroom and just looked you up and down with his hands on his hips. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" you asked as you stacked up your underwear and some of his shirts that you'd use as pajamas on top of your uniforms on the bed.

"Well I got used to you practically ripping my clothes off as soon as you see me. I half expected you to be waiting on the porch with your panties in your hand."

You laughed. "I'm sorry. Do you want to go back outside and I'll meet you on the porch?"

"Yeah, kinda," he replied, still staring at you with hands planted on his narrow hips. You could feel your saliva pool on your tongue as he smiled, his mustache twitching to one side. "I was just getting used to your pregnancy hormones." 

You had to swallow hard as he shifted his weight and dropped his arms to his sides, but the flex of his biceps got you, because you could see his tattoo. He was several feet away, but you swore you could smell him. Your body clenched with need as he ran one hand through his hair, and your voice came out as a needy moan when you said, "You look good, Roo."

When he met your eyes, you could see that your words had some color rising in his cheeks. His lips parted softly, but you were in his arms before he even got a word out. "So the hormones are still in full effect?" he grunted.

"Oh yeah," you whispered, threading your fingers through his hair. "Or maybe it's just how I always am with you."

You were kissing along his neck, inhaling his incredible scent as he rasped, "Sweetheart, I'm going to miss you and the nugget so much next week."

After that, your bedroom was a mess of articles of khaki clothing flying in every direction. Bradley barely got your underwear down your thighs before you were begging for him, and he fucked you while he was still in his boots and uniform pants. Bent over the side of the bed with your face pressed to the bedding next to your travel toiletries bag, you'd never felt as adored in your life. His hands were soft on your hips, and his mouth was feather light as he kissed your spine and between your shoulder blades. 

"I love you so much, Sweetheart," he crooned, bringing you closer with each deep thrust. Then his hand was soft on your belly as he whispered, "Love you," over and over again until you came.

You were still bent over the bed a few minutes later with Bradley still inside you while he ran his fingers up and down your arms and kissed your right shoulder. "I think perhaps I should pack a vibrator or two for my trip?"

"I think that would be wise," he replied with a soft chuckle. "Let's get you packed, and then we can take a bath and eat whatever you and the baby want for dinner."

----------------------------

Bradley opened his Amazon package on Sunday morning while you sat on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet. Your flight was in a few hours, and he had no idea how you were going to make it to Maryland in your current state. He was unboxing everything he could find that was supposed to help with morning sickness so you could take it with you. 

"Just go play golf, Roo," you moaned through the open door. "I can get Cam or Maria to take me to the airport after brunch."

He sighed as he dropped a pack of lollipops on the bed. He had already invited himself to brunch with your friends. While he made the occasional cameo, he was by no means a regular when it came to you eating that avocado toast, but he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible today. 

"I'll be the one taking you to the airport, Baby Girl," he replied as he walked into the bathroom and knelt behind you. "I want to be around you this morning."

You looked at him over your shoulder with watery eyes as you wiped your mouth with toilet paper. "You want to be around this?" Your voice was sarcastic and raw, and he smiled immediately. 

"Always." He kissed your forehead and said, "I'm adding the packs of peanut butter crackers to your suitcase along with the candy I bought. And I got you a pregnancy pillow to help you sleep once you have a belly."

You moaned and said, "I was just going to make you be my pregnancy pillow."

He rubbed your back while you threw up and said, "Well now you have two."

After Bradley loaded your suitcase and gigantic plastic tub of stuff for your presentation into the red Bronco, he helped you finish getting dressed. "There's literally nothing in my stomach now," you told him while you sucked on a ginger candy. 

"Yeah, and that's not a good thing. Are you going to try to eat your gross breakfast?"

"I'm so hungry," you whimpered. "If we don't leave soon, Cam will order my meal for me and start eating it if I'm not there."

Bradley snorted as the two of you walked outside when you were done saying goodbye to Tramp. He steered you to the passenger side door and buckled you into the new Bronco. "I haven't driven her since we brought her home," he said wistfully, running his hand along your thigh and enjoying the new car smell. You looked really tired, and the last thing he wanted to do was send you off to Maryland, but you seemed excited about giving the presentation and seeing your parents. "I might drive it while you're gone so she and I can miss you together."

You gave him a watery smile. "I don't even want to leave you."

"You'll be fine," he told you with a kiss. "You've got your vibrators."

The way you rolled your eyes made him laugh as he walked around to the driver's side door. When he cranked the engine to life and backed out of the driveway, you gasped. "Have I been that horrible to you?"

Bradley took your hand when you reached for him as he drove down the block. "What are you talking about?"

You burst into tears. "I haven't been appreciating you enough. You think I'm just going to miss your cock."

He was trying so hard not to laugh as he turned left, really enjoying the feel of the second Bronco. "Sweetheart, I don't think that at all. You're doing all the hard work right now, not me. And my cock is yours for the taking."

But you just cried softly as you said, "I'll be better when I get back. I promise. And I'll miss all of you. Every little bit." 

Bradley was still wiping away your tears as you wrapped your arms around him when you got to the restaurant. Your emotions were absolutely all over the place right now, and he knew better than to take any of it personally at this point. When the hostess told him that the rest of his party was already here, Bradley was surprised to look up and see Bob at the table with Maria and Cam.

"Oh," you gasped as you and he headed in their direction. "Oh my god, I fucking knew it."

Maria hopped out of her seat to give you a hug, and she seemed a little nervous as she said, "I hope you don't mind that I invited Bob to come too since you said Bradley was coming."

"We don't mind," you told her immediately, and Bradley gave Bob a fist bump while the other man blushed. "It's always nice to see Bob," you said as you bent to kiss his cheek, and his blush grew deeper. 

Then you sank down into the seat between Bradley and Bob as Cam said, "I feel like I just crashed a double date. I didn't know it was 'bring your own aviator to brunch day''."

"I'm sorry," Bradley replied as Cam bit into a piece of cinnamon toast a little aggressively. "I only came so I could take this one directly to the airport afterwards."

"I think that's sweet," Maria said with a smile as she so obviously tried not to look at Bob. Bradley also noted that neither of them denied the words double date. "Mimosas for everyone?"

You hummed quietly while Bradley started to panic, but you smoothly said, "None for me," while you looked at the menu as if you were going to order something other than avocado toast. "The time zone switch is already going to mess me up enough later." 

Bradley drank a mimosa with his stack of five pancakes to seem as inconspicuous as possible, and the conversation was pretty good once Cam calmed down about being aviator-less for the day, but soon it was time to get you out of there. And not just because it was getting late.

"You okay?" Bradley asked on the walk back to the Bronco as you grabbed his hand. 

"I don't know," you mumbled, wrapping your free arm around your stomach. "I miss being able to eat. But I don't really have time to get sick again right now."

"Come on," Bradley coaxed, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. "I outfitted the glovebox with some plastic bags just in case, but now I'm fucking worried about you being in Maryland without me."

You cried softly the whole way to the airport, but you tried to tell him you'd be okay. If you felt like this after every meal, you wouldn't be able to function until Friday night without him looking after you. It wasn't fair. He was already feeling pretty useless, but this just made him feel bad. Maybe he could figure out how to use his time wisely this week to help get things ready for the baby. 

As he parked at the curb in front of the airline departures door, Bradley realized Jake's car was in front of him. Cat was hugging Jeremiah while Jake unloaded her luggage, and Bradley leaned down toward your belly without delay. "Gotta make this quick, little nugget," he said, kissing you through your shirt. "Be good for Mommy, okay? I love you, and we'll talk again on Friday when you get home."

You ran your fingers through his hair, and Bradley wanted nothing more than to curl up on your lap with your attention on him for the rest of the afternoon, but that wasn't an option. Instead he kissed your cheek and whispered, "I'll get your stuff from the back."

But even stepping away from you for a minute while you cuddled Jeremiah so Cat and Jake could have a minute to themselves was a lot for him, and seeing you with a child in your arms now was making him feel very protective. Jeremiah smashed his little palms against your face, and you laughed and carried him closer to Bradley. "I think he wants to say hi to you, Roo," you whispered while Bradley ran his thumb along the child's soft cheek.

His body buzzed with excitement as he glanced down at your belly. "This is what I'm really excited for," he told you, and your eyes were so soft as you looked up at him. "The three of us are going to be amazing." He kissed your cheek. "Now hand Jeremiah back over so I can give you a proper goodbye."

Bradley gave Cat a little wave as Jeremiah climbed back into her arms, and he watched as you gave Jake a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. He whispered something in your ear, and you laughed, and Bradley honestly got a little jealous that the seconds were ticking away before you and the baby would be leaving him alone. Jake could just take a backseat right now. 

When you caught his eye, Bradley knew he must have looked annoyed, but it was just like when you and he left for your honeymoon all over again. "Baby Girl." His voice sounded a little stern, and you responded to his call like he was your magnetic north, practically flying back into his arms. 

Face tipped up to look at him, you said, "I'll miss you," but he didn't let you say anything else. His lips collided with yours as he held you close, hands drifting lower on your back until he was stroking the sides of your belly with his thumbs. 

He wanted to keep you at home and give you anything you needed as he tasted your tongue and your teeth. You moaned softly into his mouth and broke the kiss. Bradley cupped your perfect cheek in one hand and let his forehead come to rest against yours. "Promise me you'll try to eat little meals all day."

"I promise," you whispered breathlessly.

He nodded so that his nose bumped the side of yours. "I packed you peanut butter crackers and ginger candies and ginger tea bags and lollipops. Just try to take it easy, okay?"

"I will, Roo."

He closed his eyes and squeezed you a little tighter. "I really don't want the two of you to leave." Tears stung his eyes as he held onto you, and your fingers on his neck and in his hair calmed him down a little bit. 

"I'll text you nonstop, okay?" you whispered. "I'll let you know what's going on and how I'm feeling, and then we can talk each day when you leave work."

He nodded. "Just please, take care of yourself. I love you so much."

"I love you, Daddy."

He grunted but reluctantly released you, and you stroked your fingers along his cheek. Then you turned toward your luggage and the plastic bin while Jake held Jeremiah who was now in tears as Cat started to walk away. And when you reached for that heavy bin, Bradley almost shouted. 

"Sweetheart," he said as calmly as he could, reaching out to cover your hand with his. "It's heavy."

"I'll take one side," Cat said casually, and you looked up at Bradley with a little smile. 

"I can manage it with Cat," you promised, pecking him on the lips one last time before you lifted one end of the bin. Bradley watched nervously as you and she maneuvered through the door, listening to your voice as you told him you loved him and would miss him. 

"Damn it," he grunted, leaning back against the Bronco once you were out of sight.

"Angel will be back on Friday. Chill," Jake drawled next to him. "I've never seen someone so pussy whipped in my life, old man."

Bradley glared in response before he spoke. "You're literally holding your girlfriend's son. You wanna rethink that last part?"

Jake chuckled and kissed Jeremiah's forehead. "I never said I wasn't bad, I'm just saying that you are absolutely the worst. You'll be pouty all week at work while she's gone, and you'll eat cereal for dinner every night."

"No, I won't," Bradley pouted. "Are you taking care of Jeremiah all week?" he asked, trying to change the subject, but Jake's answer surprised him a bit.

"I'm sharing Jer duties with Uncle Hondo," he replied easily. "Gotta make this whole thing work out if I want to take things to the next level."

"Next level?"

Jake smirked and started walking back to his car. "You're not the only one who can mate for life, Rooster."

Bradley stood there for another beat while Jeremiah got buckled into his car seat. That's what he did alright; he mated for life, and now it hurt when you weren't with him. His deployments sucked, and this week was going to suck, too. But he didn't want to eat cereal and pout nonstop if he could help it. 

"You wanna come by one night? We can lift and take turns playing with Jeremiah and get a pizza or something?"

Jake studied his face and nodded. "Yeah. Thursday?"

"Sure," Bradley replied before climbing back into what was really your Bronco and starting the engine. Now he just had to keep himself entertained until Thursday evening. He turned on one of your playlists and drove home to Tramp and an otherwise empty house. 

"Take a walk?" he asked, reaching for the leash, and the dog went ballistic as he jumped up and down in front of the door. "Relax. You can't be like this when the baby gets here. You'll need to be well behaved all the time." Tramp slammed his rear end down on the welcome mat like he knew what he needed to do already. "That's better," Bradley told him as he clipped the leash onto his yellow collar and took him around the block and down to the beach. 

These walks were decidedly a lot more fun when you were here laughing and talking nonstop and dancing ahead of Bradley on the sidewalk. And now he was thinking about you pushing a stroller next to him while he had Tramp on the leash. Bradley stumbled as he imagined a baby with the cutest face looking up at him while you smiled and talked about the future. 

The reality that this exact scenario could be happening come springtime hit him in the chest and took his breath away. "Let's go," he told Tramp as his excitement mixed with the anxiety he felt nearly all the time now. Because one thing was absolutely certain: Bradley didn't know how to be a dad. You told him it would come naturally. You promised him you weren't lying about that. But if he could just remember a little bit about what it felt like to be a kid with two parents, he figured this feeling would go away. All the excitement in the world wasn't going to prepare him for what came next, and he didn't want to disappoint you or himself. 

It wasn't even dark out when he got back, but he did come up with two projects that would hopefully keep him busy for the evening while he tracked your flight to Annapolis. He didn't like thinking about his shortcomings, especially when you weren't home. He changed into some gym shorts and went upstairs into the rarely visited attic space and started looking around. Then he took some photos and some measurements, and then he started to rip up the ugly flooring while imagining how nice it could be as a bedroom for his kid. Or maybe your parents could stay up here when they visited. Maybe it was big enough to be two rooms.

When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he took it out immediately to see that you had texted him. 

Baby Girl Bradshaw: We landed. It's so late here, and I threw up in the bathroom near baggage claim, and I'm starving, and I'm horny, and I miss you.

He was fumbling with his phone, about to call you or text you back and remind you not to try to carry that heavy bin, but then you sent him a photo. He laughed as he looked at the bin stacked up along with your suitcase and Cat's luggage on a trolley. 

"That's my girl," he muttered, leaving the attic partially torn apart and heading downstairs as he wrote back to you. If you would just take care of yourself all week and come back home to him as soon as possible, he was sure he could figure out what he needed to do. Everything was easier and made more sense when you were together.

He made a bowl of cereal, annoyed that Jake had been right about that much, and he told you to call him once you were settled in your hotel room. Then he took out the pink and blue striped notebook that came with the Amazon shipment and flipped through the blank pages. He found one of your fancy markers in your nightstand, underneath some of the handwritten notes he'd given you and the album of wedding photos. 

Bradley sat down on your side of the bed and wrote Baby Bradshaw on the cover of the notebook before tossing the marker back in the drawer. He lounged back on your pillow and thought about what he wanted to write before picking up a pen and getting started. 

I guess I should start at the beginning. Hi, I'm your dad. I only just found out about you pretty recently, but I'm already excited to meet you. And it's kind of weird that right now, I hardly know anything about you, but by the time you're reading this for yourself, I hope I'll know a lot. I already love you.

When his phone rang with your specific ringtone, he answered right away, setting the notebook aside as soon as you said, "Hi, Roo."

"Hey, Sweetheart. Tell me about your flight."

-------------------------

He's going to be the best dad, and their child is going to be so loved. But those doubts are so real and can be scary. I hope BG makes it back unscathed. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 32

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[sinofthesloth]

⨯Smoking Smiles⨯

This was completely self-diligent. I'm allergic to nicotine smoke, but I've always wanted to shotgun with someone, so why not smoke weed with Mammon? (I have also not smoked weed due to asthma, but it seems interesting to try.)

Characters: Obey Me! Mammon, GN! Reader Content/warnings: Shotgunning, smoking, kissing, This should be read as a romantic fic, inexperienced smoking. Word Count:

This has not been edited yet, so heads up! <3 I hope you enjoy

Mammon didn't smoke often, it normally only happened when he was stressed, looking for a way to wind down after an event. Sometimes he would invite you to his room, others he would rather hotbox alone in the car. Never in his Demonio 666 Lexura in fear of the interior being damaged by smoke or ash.

You've never asked for a hit off of him. Not sure how to do the same tricks he's shown you time and time again. Unsure if he is doing it to impress you or himself at times.

He explanations of it didn't make them seem any easier. "It's really not that hard just hold the smoke in your mouth and push it out with your tongue. Then, once you see it, suck it back in. See? Watch." He takes another hit off what seemed to be the equivalent to weed in the human realm. This wasn't the same type he normally smokes alone. Maybe it was because you had shown interest in learning the tricks he shows. Maybe because he knew his normal strains would knock you on your ass?

He held his breath before letting the smoke roll out in a beautiful cloud of white. Watching his lips contort was with the excuse you need to know what it looks like to copy it. He hands you the burning blunt as he leans closer to you to watch you take your first hit. Tears collected in your eyes as you started coughing at the taste. He laughed quickly before starting to comment, "You're probably not going to be able to do anything the first few tries. Go ahead, maybe puff on it like you're drinking from a long straw."

You couldn't tell if he was trying to truly help or if he just wanted to see how far you'd listened to his words. He is the avatar of Greed, and seems to be enjoying the trust you give him all too much.

After a few attempts, you finally get the smoke to somewhat come out collectively in a cloud before chasing after it to try to suck it back into your mouth. Only to end up sucking it straight into your lungs

"You have to do it faster, if you hesitate it ruins it! And don't chase it. Just don't let it get too far." He probes as you try to copy him. He could tell you were getting agitated at the failed attempts. "Here," Mammon started before sitting up and pulling you into his lap, "Don't let the smoke hit my face." His thumbs tracked the outer portion as he keeps you close to him.

The constant huffing of the smoke had clearly started to get to you because you groaned and slid your head against his neck. Your eyes drooped and it seemed to finally be registering to your brain how much you have truly been inhaling. Mammon laughed again as he took the blunt to keep you from burning him or yourself.

He took another drag before lifting your chin and lightly connecting his lips to yours as he blew the smoke into your mouth. He didn't move back as the smoke rolled inside. The smoke left traces of earth on your tongue. He pulled back soon after and inhaled it back into his own. Long, thick clouds pour from his nose as he exhales it.

Laughter erupts out of you seeing the smoke escape. "What has you laughing so hard?"

"It matches your hair color."

"Awe, such a greenie

[prettyboykatsuki]

naku weed | ayato kamisato.

✭ tags ; extremely dark content ahead, mother/son incest, noncon, penetration, oral(f!recieving), age gaps, 18+. pls do not read if u are squicked.

✭ wc ; 2.3k (horrified)

✭ a/n ; i needed to get this out of my system rip. i am choosing to blame @/saintshigaraki. AND CREDIT TO lamb for ayatocest worms in the first place

✭ synopsis ; naku weed. flower. naku. verb. translated to 'to cry'. ayato loves you more than any man ever could.

You never remarried when their father died.

Your marriage within the Kamisato clan had been of convivence. It's an old story. You were young and beautiful and Mr. Kamisato was kind and diligent. Of all the men who tried to court you, he had been the only one polite enough to ask you questions about what you wanted.

The answer wasn't much. Your only dream of course was to get out of that stuffy place you'd been born into. To feel the sun in your face and the wind in your hair. What desires did you have but peace?

Young and impatient - you married within the year. Your marriage to your husband was awkward and clumsy. But you loved each other. Despite all of his responsibilities, you spent more time together than you thought you were worth. He was kind and caring. You were impassive and easily embarrassed.

You were expected to provide an heir. Ayato felt like a blessing from the archons in that way. His father was always strict with him while he was raised.

Despite your grievances with showing your husband affection, showing Ayato that sort of love didn't trouble you. He was a bright boy. Cunning and clever but thoughtful and strong. A perfect heir who depended on you for warmth and comfort and sympathy.

(Looking back, perhaps it was your fault. You had always felt that something in Ayato was...off. He was a good, kind boy - mostly. Maybe denial was only a given. What mother could turn her back on her son?)

Ayato was a good child. He rarely got into physical altercations. Behaved perfectly. Was well-educated and charming and polite. Perhaps the only thing was the way he was fond of you. Even up to his teenage years where that kind of motherly affection was supposed to be embarassing - Ayato had accepted graciously. Hugs and kisses.

(When he was at the age to attend galas overseas, Ayato would often offer you a hand to dance. His usual desires for affection and touch didn't go unnoticed, nor did the way his hand rested too low on your back.)

When Ayaka was born, no longer did he hold the pretense of being a young boy. His love for his younger sister is something you could never admonish him for even now. He adored her so wholly and always made time for her to play.

Ayaka brought more responsibility to you as a mother, but you didn't mind. Such a brilliant little girl she was, eager to learn etiquette and how to brush her hair up into pretty styles like you did.

When Ayato was 18, his father passed in the blink of an eye. A storm had breached their boat. No survivors. It left you alone with two children, a widow amongst it all. After the initial devastation, the loss, the heartache—you were left only with Ayato.

You had never intended for the boy to take on so much responsibility. He was still young, after all. You should be strong. But truthfully, you only had their father. You cut-ties with your family long ago. In your devastation, Ayato comforted you. Told you he'd take care of fathers role in due time and that he'd take care of the family.

("Please rest easy, Mother." He hums, voice courageous and melancholy "I always intended to follow this path.")

The first time you found Ayato's desires out had been only a year later. He was 19 at the time, half your age. He'd requested you to his chambers for comfort. At the start, he was stone cold sober. A bottle of sake sat on yumemiru wood table, Ayato deep in thought by the fire place.

("Come drink with me, mother."

"You're not old enough to drink." You tsk. Ayato gives you a coy smile.

"If I'm old enough to become the commissioner, surely this much is fine."

You're unable to counter his point. He looks pouty. You sigh.

"Just a bit then.")

For the first time in your life, your son opened up to you completely. Though it wasn't the emotional sort of whining. Still ultimately reserved. He'd told you quite a bit. And you were happy that he could depend on you.

When the conversation fell on you, and your life - and your marriage to his father, you had no problem in telling him. Loosened up by the warmth of liquor.

("Your father was a good man," You say, wistful. Ayato's face darkens, if only a little. It's barely noticeable.

"I envy him." He says back. You frown.

"You did? What for?"

Ayato looks up at you.

"He had what I wanted most.")

You had asked about it then. Though deep down you were afraid of the answer, you couldn't stop yourself from wanting to know. It was then that Ayato had cut in. He asked if you were lonely since his father passed.

A fear struck into your heart then. You confessed only a little. How could you be lonely when they ere around, you had said. A half-answer Ayato sees right through.

("You know that's not what I mean," Ayato says, voice so low you hardly catch it "Without a husband, Mother. Has it been lonely?"

Your breath hitches.)

The first time Ayato forces himself on you, it's like this. Your only son. Your clan heir. Your clever, cunning, brilliant boy. You could never turn your back him. Even so, the deliberate way in which he embraces you makes you stumble. How he approaches you that way is too well-practiced and too wanting. You are too afraid to ask when it started.

Ayato tells you, anyways.

("I've coveted you my whole life," Ayato mumbles. You push him away. You try too - but you've forgotten he is no longer a boy. He is a man like this and like many men - he is stronger than you.

You are pinned underneath him in earnest, his tongue licking a stripe up your neck - feather light kisses where your jaw meets your neck.

"Since I was born. Even when I lost my innocence to that girl," He confesses, though you don't think it's meant to be a secret "I was picturing you the whole time."

"Ayato," You whisper. Softly, hoarsely "Please stop this."

"I don't want too," He tells you so blatantly it startles you. He tips your head back, thumb on your chin. The way he kisses you is intimate and devoted and well-practiced. Disgust washes through at how good it feels "I've only every wanted this."

You believe him. It's horrible how much you believe him. Ayato touches you like a man who desires you. Your own son, flesh and blood, has forced your legs apart. It's been a long time since anyone touched you at all. The growing wetness and dull ache of desire in your body fills you with a sense of dread that almost makes you sick.

But, Ayato touches you like a man who loves you. You cannot deny this much no matter how much you'd like too. His tongue trails down your neck from your pulse to the valley of your breasts - his fingers grasping the soft swell of flesh with admiration. A strike of lightning passes you, like the Electro Archon herself permits this.

"I've loved these since I was young," Ayato whispers in some sense of self satisfaction. "Mother, you're truly more beautiful than any one woman I've ever laid eyes on.")

That night, Ayato doesn't do much more than rut himself against you to cum and fall asleep next to you. He kisses your temple and tells you he will move through this gently - so you don't have to worry too much. You want to be assured by his words. But the only thing you hear from it is the promise of next time.

When you say this much, that this cannot happen again, Ayato gives you a look of amusement. Kisses your knuckles and whispers against your skin that no man other than him will ever enter your chambers. He does this because he loves you, more than anyone.

("I resent father for touching you, despite knowing that is why you've given birth to me. I do not know if I was blessed or cursed to be your son."

His expression betrays his words. If his face is anything at all to go by, Ayato does not regret being born your son even a little.)

As time passes, his touching of you grows more persistent. Though, he's never violent nor threatening, he is possessive and shameless. He only reserves himself in front of Ayaka.

But the house maids and the butlers and Thoma all seem to know of Ayato's desires towards you. Some pity you, some seem disgusted. Most seem pleased that the commissioner is in a good mood when you are around and do not bother asking questions.

The first time Ayato takes you is on his 20th birthday. He requested you to his room. He even bought you nightwear to put on for him. By then, you're unable to refuse him. He'll take it out on his sub-ordinates if you do.

You wore it for him, bashful and shameful. He is still your son and he requests little from you other than this. In some twisted way, it often feels like this is all you can do. He's pristine and diligent and kind. In that way he's so much like his father.

("It suits you," He says, like he was predicting it. You swallow a sob as a wave of awareness graces you "Wedding lingerie, custom order. You're beautiful." )

That night he takes his time like he's always wanted you. You lay there so helpless to him. He has smooth hands and moles in all the places you remember. He takes to touching you delicately - too delicately for a woman your age.

He treats you like you are a young girl, a newly-wed couple and the feeling that overwhelms you is not one you can put a name to. He is not unkind. He pulls you apart with frustrating patience, relishing each and every inch of you. You're not sure where he learned this.

The comparison haunts you but even his father did not treat you like that. Maybe that is a given. Ayato is your son after all. A man could not compare to a sons love for his mother. Even if the thought makes your stomach churn, the way he treated you is not something to take lightly.

You felt pleasure from him. He licked and bit and nipped at all parts of you. Kissed down your navel with a thumb brushing over your stretchmarks (each part of you is his) and dug into the plush of your thighs. A womans body, he mumbled, taken by you.

He even licked you. It'd been a first for you. He was delighted to learn this. He tongued at your clit and sucked at you so diligently. He's always made you cum with his fingers and his hands before then. But that night was different, a special and cherished occasion for him.

And despite it all, you are in no place to deny him of joy. He has the world on his shoulders. When Ayato fucked you like two lovers, not mother and son - you only thought to brace yourself.

("Easy," He whispers. His voice is on the precipice of broken. You can feel him entering you, an awful intrusion. A reunion of it's own sort. "That's it. Good girl."

To be called girl, haunts you. But you can feel him. His cock. Hard velvet over steel and burning. He's thick and long, much bigger than anything you've ever taken before. Ayato holds onto your hips, fingers digging carefully into you. Your legs rest on his shoulders, knees pressed into yourself as Ayato folds you in half.

You whimper. It's been two years since you've experienced this, maybe more. When you look up at him, he's the splitting image of his father. He's grown up to be so handsome, it troubles you. He could have anyone if he chose it.

Why you? You want to ask, so much it's impossible to swallow. Ayato must sense your apprehension. Even as his cock penetrates you so deeply and so slowly - a shallow thrust like he's digging your insides out - you cannot bear it. You whimper and Ayato kisses you tenderly. Strong hands go to fiddle with your clit as a wave of desire clings to your ribs. Sticky, sensual arousal makes home in your heart. It feels good.

"Mother," He whispers, so lovingly you cannot turn away "This is the most blessed night of my life.")

It feels like so long ago now. Ten years is but a blip in time, and Ayato is yet to grow out of this. He still seeks you almost nightly. Your little girl is all grown up and clueless - only stopping to comment about how close you two are.

Your excuse is always that you were young when you had him, to which Ayaka doesn't question. By all means and all measures, Ayato has not let go of you. In the ten years that have passed, he has only gotten worse.

He's thirty, now. And you're well-past your prime, yet he cannot stop himself from leering at you. The guilt and shame still live inside of you, but lately you are uncertain there is a point.

You sit with your two children having tear in the mid-day. Sunlight pours through the cracks of the window. Ayaka rests her palm on her cheek.

"Nii-san," Ayaka asks, a curiosity in her voice "Won't you ever get married?"

You still. Ayato glances at you, then laughs.

"I don't have any plans to. Who will take care of our mother?"

You don't say a word. Ayaka hums.

"You've never been interested in anyone?"

Ayato thinks on it.

"Mm. A woman much older than me, once. A widow."

"Really?" Ayaka exclaims. He pauses to glance at you, then laughs over his tea.

"Really."

[brattyprettysub2]

Skin Care Routine

All characters in this piece of fiction are role-playing adults.

*

"I swear they're getting bigger," she says. "Look. Look. You're not looking."

He sighs and finally looks up from his book, peering at her over the top of his reading glasses. "What's getting bigger?" he says.

He never listens. "My breasts," she says. There was a time that if she was topless in bed and rubbing moisturizer into her chest, he would have been all over her -- but now, she can see his gaze already drifting back to the page he has bookmarked with a finger. "Look," she says, twisting to face him. "They're bigger."

"No, they're not," he says, and he doesn't say it like he doesn't believe it. That would be bad enough, but he says it like he's bored. Like he's heard this all before and he's tired of reassuring her. She blinks at him, hurt, and his expression softens just the tiniest bit. "Honey," he says. "Come on. Is it -- I don't know, your period?"

Her breasts often do feel heavier when her period is due, but she shakes her head. "It's not like that," she says. "It's -- they're never like this. I've gone up a cup size, at least."

"No, you haven't." He looks annoyed now, his book fallen shut in his lap. "Do you want attention, is that it? Is this --" His brow creases and he looks almost disgusted. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

"No!" she says. She turns away from him, burning with embarrassment, and grabs her sleep T-shirt and pulls it over her head as quickly as she can. It's one of his old ones and it used to hang off her, a few sizes too big, but now it stretches over her chest -- but she's not going to make him look at that now. She curls up on her side, facing away from him. There's some moisturizer left on her hands and she wipes it on her thighs.

He sighs and shifts in the bed. "I love you," he says. "You look great."

That's not how he used to say it. He used to say it with his hands all over her. They were late to so many dinner reservations because she'd get all dressed up and he wouldn't be able to keep himself from pulling all her clothes off. He used to fuck her in their entrance hall, her back pinned against the wall, her legs wrapped around his hips, his teeth on her throat.

"Thanks," she says. "I'm sure it's nothing."

*

"You didn't tell me it would work so fast," he says on the phone later, standing on the balcony outside their bedroom. The spring air is chilly and he pulls his dressing gown tighter around himself. The embers of his cigarette glow in the dark and he inhales deeply. She doesn't know about these little smoke breaks, thinks that he gave up his midnight cigarette years ago. Sometimes, he thinks about putting it out on her breasts -- only lately, the fantasies have changed from stubbing it out on the tight buds of her small breasts to burning marks on udders that sag under their own weight, drooping down her chest.

His friend on the other end of the call laughs. "Neat, isn't it? I was seeing a girl who was fucking useless at remembering to moisturize. That was a pain, I had to keep reminding her. But Jeanie's pretty diligent, isn't she?"

"She is," he says. "Every night and every morning." He takes another drag. "She's freaking out. It took everything I had not to laugh." He pitches his voice in a falsetto, a mocking imitation of his wife. "They're bigger, aren't they? She was complaining this morning that none of her bras fit right."

"Wait 'til you see how sensitive she gets," his friend says. "In a day or two, give her nipples a tweak, I promise you she'll come on the spot."

He ashes his cigarette in the ashtray he keeps hidden behind their potted plants. "And they'll just keep getting bigger as long as she uses the moisturizer?" he says.

"Until she stops, yeah," his friend says. "Which she won't do on her own, not if she's using it so often. They get addicted to it so easily, it's crazy. The other day, I found Tessa using it as lube while she fingered her asshole, so now I give her an ass and pussy massage with it every night. She keeps asking me to take a look at her clit and tell her if it looks weird." He laughs fondly. "Stupid slut. It only seems to really work on their pussies and tits, though. Which is good, I don't want to worry about, like, huge elbows or something."

He hears a soft noise from inside and immediately stubs out his cigarette. "I've got to go," he says, and hangs up, flapping his dressing gown to try get the smell of smoke out of it. He gives up when he hears another noise from inside -- unmistakably a moan this time -- and he just leaves it hanging over one of the chairs on the balcony.

He slips inside. "You okay, hon?" he says. He can hear the blankets rustling, can see slight movements in the dim room.

"I -- yeah." Her voice is tight with pleasure, but there's an edge to it. Confusion, maybe, or fear. God, he'd love it if it were fear. "What were you doing outside?"

"Couldn't sleep," he says. He slips back into bed and reaches for her. He finds both hands on her breasts, squeezing and pinching at the flesh. "What are you doing?" He makes himself sound disappointed rather than aroused. "Honey, I told you, your tits are fine."

It's a test. She's never liked the word tits, has always snapped at him for using it in reference to her. But now, a little groan bubbles its way out of her mouth and she rolls towards him. She straddles his thigh and her pussy is slick and hot against his skin. "Can you -- can you touch me?" she says.

It takes everything he has not to shove her hands from her breasts and replace them with his mouth, to sink his teeth into her and twist her nipples and make her come solely from him hurting her tits. But instead, he sighs and twists his hips slightly so she can't feel him getting hard. "I'm exhausted, babe," he says. "Can you -- I mean, I can go down on you or something, if you really want, but..." He trails off, reluctance dripping from his every word. "Why are you being so weird tonight?"

She moves away from him like he slapped her. "Sorry," she says. "I know. I don't know. I woke up and just -- anyway. Sorry. I'm sorry, you go to sleep. I'll just -- go make myself some tea or something."

She gets out of bed slowly, like she's hoping he'll call her back. He stays completely silent, other than deepening his breath like he's already fallen asleep. He hears her footsteps shuffle on the carpet, hears the creak of the bedroom door as it swings open and shut.

The moment she's gone, he wraps his hand around his cock and starts tugging at it, hard and fast, dripping enough pre-come that there's no need to reach for lube. He wonders if she's actually making tea or if she couldn't resist fingering herself, if she's bent herself over the kitchen counter so she can rub her breasts on the cool marble while she buries her fingers in her cunt. He hopes that she feels disgusting after she comes, hopes that she's left trembling with shame, hopes that she can't help licking the taste of her leaking cunt from her fingers.

He falls into a deep, peaceful sleep seconds after coming. He doesn't remember his dreams when he wakes up in the morning, but she's back in bed beside him, her forehead creased with a concerned frown even in her sleep.

*

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[the-gateway-to-madness]

ducktales incorrect quotes (im bored)

Dewey: I was arrested for being too cool.

Louie: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

***

Della: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

***

Dewey: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything Huey does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?

Della: If Huey were to jump off a cliff, they would've done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Huey jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Louie: You jump off a cliff!

Della: Gladly, provided Huey did first.

***

Louie: Dewey just insisted Huey and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by their clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real them and which is the imposter.

Louie: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

***

Louie: What happened to your nose?

Dewey: I used it to break some guy's fist.

***

Webby: What's that?

Dewey: Chocolate.

Webby: What's chocolate?

Dewey: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?

Webby: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

Dewey: No wonder you're so bitter.

***

Della: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime.

Mrs. Beakley: I like how this is a "fun" fact.

Webby: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.

***

Dewey: I am an expert at identifying birds.

Huey: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?

Dewey: Yeah, they're all birds.

***

Dewey: Go big or go home!

Louie: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.

Dewey: I'm going big!

***

Louie: Oh gosh, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Dewey. They're mad at you.

Dewey: No, it's Huey. They're just being grammatically correct!

*meanwhile*

Huey: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.

Della: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.

Huey: I stand by my choice.

***

Dewey: Mrs. Beakley, keep an eye on Donald today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Mrs. Beakley: Sure, I'd love to see Donald getting punched.

Huey: Try again.

Mrs. Beakley, sighing: I will try to stop Donald from getting punched.

***

Louie: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Mom’*

Huey: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of Pete, please be good.’*

***

Louie: You’re overthinking this.

Huey: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Louie. What if I’m underthinking?

***

Dewey: ‘Technically legal’, the two best words in the the English language, right before ‘cowboy spectacular.'

[tachiguin]

hi, english is not my native language, so sorry for any mistakes... you know about the songs of bsd characters? I really love your analyzes and theories, it seems like there was nothing about songs among them, maybe there are any thoughts about them?

Hello there, Anon! I'm happy to hear that you like my posts :) And thank you so much for asking; as it happens, I do know about the songs. Though if I'm being honest, the only one I listen to semi-regularly is Tanizaki's "Bewitching Screens" (usually when I'm roleplaying/writing fanfiction with him and need the inspiration).

I do have some thoughts, though I think the reason I never posted anything about the song is because I feel like the lyrics are kind of self-explanatory anyhow, but they do reinforce my interpretation/meta of Tanizaki.

Rambles under the cut :)

His song has a very low key, chill vibe, but only at first. It goes from carefree and casual, to something with a darker, more aggressive undertone, then finally, the ending, (which I will touch on later in this post). It's representative of who Tanizaki is as a character-- the deceptive "softboy" energy he has normally, which belies his proclivity towards violence and darker psyche.

Also, it's worth noting that the lyrics kinda just come out and confirm that Tanizaki has "secrets [he doesn't] want to tell anyone", particularly in regards to "[his] existence". The song is essentially him singing about himself, repeating the usual narrative:

Maybe that’s why miscellaneous odd jobs is sort of my specialty My social status is so-so Even getting carried away is fine,

My redeeming quality is probably my diligence I don’t even want to shed blood As far as myself is concerned

But these verses always end on a darker note:

But there is only one thing I cannot forgive

But don’t cross over the forbidden territory.

Of course, I think the other reason why I never really talked much about the character songs is because I wasn't sure how much of an input Asagiri actually had in their lyrics/composition. Like sure, there's definitely some reading between the lines to be done, but at the end of the day, I felt like it didn't really tell me anything new about Tanizaki, it's just a song about what can already be deduced based on his actions in the series.

BUT! One thing I always found interesting was that his character song ends with "Sayonara" (goodbye), WHICH could be interpreted as just a melodramatic thing thrown in there for the aesthetic, but… I guess it wouldn't be me if I didn't read too deeply into things that probably aren't that deep. I do recall reading a comment once (which I cannot find atm, if you think you're the person who originally made this connection then lmk and I'll mention you if you want) that Dazai and Tanizaki's character songs both end on the "goodbye", though now that I'm actually looking into it, it's completely different, because Dazai says "goodbye" in English (a.k.a. its another "Guddo Bai" reference, which is a completely different meta that I'm certain someone else has already written)

The thing is that there's multiple different ways to say "bye" in Japanese, and "sayonara" has a certain sentimental connotation, therefore, its really awkward and a dead giveaway that you're not a native speaker if you use it in casual conversation. The correct way to say 'goodbye' to a friend would be some variant of "Jaa mata ne" (see you later then), though notably this is pretty informal and should not be used with a coworker or teacher or senior-- but I digress! The point is that "sayonara" has the implication that you may not see the other party for a long time, possibly forever.

Okay the other element here is that, assumably, he's singing to Naomi, due to this verse:

I want to protect you (I want to be here) I want to protect you (I cannot forgive this) I want to protect (the incorruptible) everything “you” are –

Which, combined with the "sayonara", really kinda makes me wonder. I think the easy interpretation to get out of this is further reinforcement of the "Naomi is actually an ability construct and her real self died in Middle School" theory, which is valid, but also, consider that the rest of the song is about who Tanizaki is. In the chorus, he asks the listener:

Slowly…look, at the illusionary screen Tell me, what do you see?

To me, it sounds like Tanizaki is asking "do you see the real me, hidden behind this facade of ordinariness?". And when he wants "to protect the incorruptible"-- he doesn't want "you" (Naomi?) to know about this darker side to him. Again, that's just what I'm getting from the song lyrics, which weren't necessarily written with Asagiri's manga canon in mind (still unsure?). But, this interpretation is supported by the fact that Tanizaki only ever snaps when Naomi is in danger, therefore unconscious, and ignorant to Tanizaki's actions following her being harmed.

Personally, I think it's a disservice to Naomi's character to think she's completely unaware of Tanizaki's darker psyche, the side of him who would literally burn the world down if it meant keeping Naomi safe, but… BSD never claimed to write women with agency :,) On the other hand, as much as Naomi acts airheaded and oblivious, we also frequently see a much more perceptive side of her, usually, when Tanizaki isn't in the picture. It's canonically stated that Naomi is, in fact, smarter and more observant than her brother, but, just like Tanizaki, this "hidden" side of her only emerges when Tanizaki isn't around to witness it.

Anyway, that was kind of off topic from the character song, but what I was getting at was that the "sayonara" means that Tanizaki has revealed his "true self" to "you"/Naomi, therefore, he's saying farewell to the peaceful illusion he had built between them— of himself, as just a "normal guy", and of their relationship, just an innocent sibling pair that used to be high-schoolers.

Hopefully my rambles satisfied your curiosity, Anon! It's a good song, and it's pretty validating for my headcanons/metas.

[anotherkindofmindpod]

Hi AKOM! Feel free to reply to this publicly, personally, or not at all; I'm doing this in a format to give you every option.

But I wanted to thank you profusely for what you've done with your Fine Tuning series. I hope that it engenders further conversation (not cancellation, necessarily) around Tune In and the increasing need Beatles fandom and scholarship have to do their due diligence, not least because of the precedent set by Lewisohn himself (both by his previous work and, frankly, the standard he's stated and not held himself to).

This series came at an oddly opportune time in my own journey; the past several months I'd finished the expanded edition of the book, and gone down not a few rabbit holes seeking confirmation of weird sounding quotes and attributions and become increasingly suspicious, but found not much interest from folks about what I was seeing.

So after finishing the book, and around the time you started airing Fine Tuning, I started The Beatles and the Historians, definitely hoping Torkelson Weber would have taken him at least somewhat to task. She didn't, and then I started Truant Boy, an examination of the way we talk about McCartney and art in general, and I feel like my reading/thinking/listening journey was almost cosmically perfectly timed, through no planning on my part.

I've not always agreed with your conclusions but I very much value your voices in the discussion. I'm specifying the first part of that not as a diss or a backhanded compliment but because I know you'll appreciate that we've all got our own opinions but we, ideally, operate in a space where we can hash those out. That's how we get better opinions, better history, better scholarship and better fandom. So I really, really am grateful for what you've done here and I genuinely hope it fosters better discussion in the future.

Thank you, and congratulations, and I hope you're both treating yourselves!

Thank you so much @mydaroga for your kind words and for listening! ❤️

[spacelazarwolf]

Reading your blog has taught me a lot about Jewish culture I didn't know before and I'm really grateful I've found you! It's gotten me also genuinely interested in writing some Jewish characters into some novels I'm planning. Do you have any recommendations or places to check out for advice on writing Jewish characters?

sorry this took me for absolute ever to get to.

i think my biggest piece of advice is that in order to write a good jewish character, you have to find a good balance between not making them into a caricature or token jew and also still letting their jewishness inform their character.

first you want to decide what kind of jew this character is. are they ashkenazi, sephardi, yemeni, italki, beta israeli, bnei menashe, or one of so many more diaspora groups; where does their family come from? or did they convert? once you've got an idea of that background, think about if you want them to be observant, religious, secular, or some mix of the three. be really intentional when choosing this. think about their family, their background, what they likely grew up with, are they continuing the tradition of their family or are they rebelling? are they choosing a new tradition?

when deciding things about their character, remember that their jewishness will most likely affect every aspect of it. do they have generational trauma that causes mental illness? if they converted, what's their relationship with their family like and how does it affect their jewish identity? how do stereotypes about jews affect their perception of their gender and the world's perception of them? how does their jewishness intersect with their sexuality, their race, their class? (also if you're going to make your jewish character rich, just..... be careful)

and when in doubt, ask a jew! plenty of us are more than happy to answer questions, myself included. there are going to be a lot of things you don't get or don't know because you're not immersed in the culture, and imo i think that's fine as long as you're doing your due diligence and research.

tagging the jumblr tag so other jews can add their thoughts as well.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

my feelings on mdzs cross-medium pollination are so context-specific and driven by what I am trying to achieve in a given moment, but terms like 'frankencanon' and 'medium-bleed' really do help

medium-bleed: a scourge, the stuff of nightmares, a wily bitch to deal with when arguing with anyone who drops their hot take in the tags only to add, either in reblogs or the notes, "admittedly I may be misremembering whether this happened in the novel or in the drama or in the animation" like!!! please god just double-check your work before you submit it to fandom turnitin.com okay. also if I'm reading a fic tagged mdzs rather than cql or the untamed on ao3 and the author starts referencing jgy's time in the cloud recesses babysitting nhs or minshan's demonic flute solos, I'm immediately annoyed no matter how good the rest of the fic is. because that doesn't happen in the novel! and I'm looking for novel fic! (in this example anyway.)

however!!

frankencanon: my beloved!! my self-indulgent brainchild made tenderly from the imperfect component parts of its disparate source media to create, exclusively for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my good pals, a version of the mdzs jianghu where the vibes are just right for whatever specific feeling we're seeking to achieve (e.g., the novel canon beats of jgy's characterization paired with the on-screen emotional intensity and intimacy that zzj and lhk bring to the xiyao dynamic).

frankencanon is that joyous feeling you get when you and your besties all have a grand time at the renaissance festival, because even if some of you are dressed up as elves and your roommate's corset is anachronistic, you all know what you're there for, and besides there's funnel cake.

medium bleed is when you go to your city's new living history museum expecting to see exhibits and buildings that accurately (or as accurately as the profession allows for) recreate the period in time from the past that they are meant to be educating the public about, but the curator didn't do their due diligence with fact checking the exhibit placards, and the actor-educators can't remember whether they're supposed to be talking about the irish catholics or the pennsylvania germans today. in other words you walk away really confused and knowing less than you did before you showed up (and also you're probably chaperoning a bunch of grade school kids so, you know, my sympathies).

I forgot where I was going with this so I guess I'm done writing now!

[plutoasteroids]

Hello, I'm C, she/her, interested in men, he/him. If your free readings are open, may i ask for one please? I'm a bit old and I've been single for over a decade or two due to circumstances. However I do want to have a forever partner and get married to him, and have a life together. I'm also child free i.e. never had any children by choice. And even though I was very broody for just a couple of years, last year I came to the conclusion that I don't want any children and this decision has made me feel very liberated! And I'm glad that i didn't go through any kind of process in the previous years to get a child. I love babies, but that's quite literally the only stage that I love of having a kid, nothing beyond that, lol. So I wanted to know, whether in future will I have a husband for me and will he be happily childfree / childless as well? I don't want to be a step-parent btw, whether of younger or older kids, nor do I want to adopt. I just want me and my husband and a dog or two, and our happy, cozy retired life (maybe babysitting our friends' kids once a while, lol). Thanks a lot for this opportunity!

Assumptions about you - I think you might come across as intimidating at first. I think you like the color black, or else you're into dark aesthetics.

Your assumptions are correct too!

First thing I am seeing is your husband is a little older and he feels like he's too old to start a family from scratch anyways so you don't have to worry about him wanting kids.

He may have a motorcycle. I want to say that your future spouse may have a child most likely a son, but he is older like college first year or second year older and he won't really treat you as a mom more like a friend.

Either you or your future spouse went through a period of being abandoned/ feeling abandoned and disappointed by a past lover, but I see it being mostly you and the tarot card depicts a woman's back turned away from the cups which tells me you had kind of turned your back away from love for some time and it's obviously what you told me but it comes out again in tarot.

Okay there's a small chance you knew your future spouse in childhood, or you'll meet in your hometown but if not, this person will feel like home to you 'I feel like I have known you for lifetimes'. There is also emphasis on healing the inner child together and letting your inner child express themself openly without fear of judgement.

You and your future spouse might be the type to prefer to stay home and relax and be cute and cozy together away from the stress and anxiety of the outside world.

You two may also start a business together or a project. Maybe you'll buy a plot of land and build your dream home from scratch. But on top of that I do see your future spouse being super smart so some of your conversations are going to be very intellectually stimulating. He's a hard worker, dedicated and diligent you won't have o tell him twice to do something. If you tell him the faucet is leaking, he'll have it fixed by the end of the day or before you even notice it was leaking to begin with.

You may be faced with options on who to marry and I want you to know that you shouldn't feel pressured to pick one man over the other. Use your intuition trust yourself and don't make a choice because you feel rushed, or you may just end up making the wrong choice but if you don't know who to pick the cards say pick the man who puts in the most effort to be with you that's your future spouse.

I hope this resonates and any feedback is appreciated!

[explorevenus]

Hiiii! I was out all day so I didn't get to drop in and respond to 🫧, nor did I get the chance to ask my silly littol questions that I'm always stacking up on 💀 (every time I don't have the time to send an ask, I write down my questions in my notes and ask when I can 😭) so I def wanna get to that soon, BUT! Before I do, I wanted to check in on you and make sure you were okay :(

I saw that you and tea made posts explaining yourselves in regards to some angry anons and it made me so upset. Like,, it's literal fiction 😭 it's not that srs. the fact that you two had to even make those posts to break things down for them is insane, like- Yall are taking things way too literal, of COURSE kidnapping is bad. Of COURSE stalking is bad. nobody said it was something that was condoned- it's literally for a fictional story because the plot is based around said dark topics, like?? 😭 kinda the point- idk I just felt the need to jump at your guys' aid bc it just upset me that you guys had to even explain yourselves ☹️ they shouldn't be interacting with things that they aren't comfortable with- the tags are RIGHT there. And also?? Idk like- if yall are mad about these fics, then keep that same energy with literally every dark media ever produced, like???? be so srs rn.

Like it's fine if yall don't wanna read stuff like this, nobody is forcing you- it's not everybody's cup of tea, I get that. but don't spew hate just bc you personally can't bring yourself to read it??

You don't have to post this if you don't want to, honey! Especially if you want some time away from this topic, no worries! I will understand <33 Just wanted to send some love your way because I can understand how frustrating or possibly even scary/discouraging it is to receive stuff like that- but your anons love you and we have your back! So please please continue to do ur thing, bb 🫶🏻🫶🏻 WE LOVE YOUR CONTENT RAAAAHHHHH 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

(This also goes out to dollrxst and nexyswrites if they see this <33 started with venus' yandere fic and expanded to you two HAHA) (+ but again, if you don't wanna post, don't be shy to share my message with them 🫡!!)

bottom line, don't let these bum ass bozos get to yall grrrrrr, your anon bbs got you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

MWAH TAKE IT EASY, MY LOVES!! 🩷🩷

- 🐕

okay first of all dog anon you're the best and i love you ;w; cc'ing @dollrxst and @nexyswrites just in case they need some words of encouragement <3

secondly i am perfectly fine, thank you for checking in <3 people are gonna do what they're gonna do and that includes taking fanfiction way too seriously lmfao. it's unfortunate and a bit annoying but ultimately it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, i've done my due diligence in tagging my shit and putting proper warnings on everything so if people wanna get upset about what i write, that's their prerogative lol

thanks for sticking around and checkin in and being supportive and sweet <3

[thejoysofdessert]

Autism, a history (mine)

I had multiple neuropsychology evaluations growing up. The second grade one told me there was no sign of autism and the other two didn't even mention it. I talked to the neuropsych testers and therefore couldn't be autistic.

I was an "unruly child" at home but perfect in school. Because I was unruly I was taken to a psychiatrist and given high for an adult doses of mood stabilizers to get to me sit down and shut up. I was unruly (read "manic" by my psychiatrist) because when I was stopped from doing favored activities I would rage and flip from happy bubbly kid to force of pure anger in an instant and as soon as I was given space to calm down or given transition time I was right back to happy and bubbly. As such I spent my entire childhood on lithium, Wellbutrin, and carbatrol and labeled bipolar.

After graduating high school and becoming an adult every adult I met who knew what autism was asked me if I was autistic at some point in my knowing them. Being autistic but undiagnosed, I said no.

When I was 23 I went to my therapist and said I think I'm autistic. He laughed uproariously in my face and said with the utmost paternalism "you're not autistic. Why do you think that?" And I went back in the closet once more.

Cut almost ten years and hundreds of "are you autistic?"s later, I realized I may be autistic. I asked my therapist of several years what they thought and they reminded me of my first visit when they asked "have you ever been diagnosed with autism?"

I paid almost three thousand dollars through the nose for a neuropsychologist to say I was very obviously autistic at our first meeting, before any psychometrics were given, and that she would be glad to do the testing to give due diligence. Funny that...

She told me I am autistic and have ADHD (among other things). No kidding. I was shocked! /s

I truly wonder what my life could have been like with early intervention, were it not for both of my parents likely being autistic and otherwise mentally ill themselves.

[eternalowl]

Eternals incorrect quotes part 2

Kingo: That was a joke. Say “ha”

Sprite: Ha.

Kingo: Now say it again.

Sprite: Ha.

Kingo: Congratulations, you’re officially the life of the party.

Kingo: What goes up but doesn’t go down?

Phastos: The amount of stress you bring this family.

Gilgamesh: …Should I ask why you’re covered in blood?

Thena: No, and the better question would be “Who’s blood is this-”

Gilgamesh: What are you in the mood for?

Thena: World domination.

Gilgamesh: That’s a bit ambitious.

Thena: You are my world.

Gilgamesh: Aww…

Thena: …

Gilgamesh: …

Thena: …

Gilgamesh: OH-

Kingo: I have an idea.

Ikaris: A good idea?

Kingo: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Kingo: Thena you can’t move in with Gilgamesh.

Thena: Why not?

Kingo: Well, um, how are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?

Thena: I’m not wearing makeup right now.

Kingo: Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

Everyone: You're alive.

Ikaris: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

Kingo: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Thena does? What if she jumps off a cliff?

Druig: If Thena were to jump off a cliff, she would have done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Thena jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Kingo: You jump off a cliff.

Druig: Gladly, provided Thena did first.

Kingo: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Sprite: Only as their rodeo clown.

Sersi: What makes you all smile?

Gilgamesh: Friends and Family.

Druig: Snacks.

Ikaris: Victory and success.

Thena: Face muscles.

Ajak: Damn, the power went out.

Kingo: Don’t worry, I got this.

Kingo: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Ajak: What-?

Kingo: I swallowed a glow stick!

Ajak, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Phastos, texting: O

Kingo: What?

Phastos: Don’t read into that.

Kingo: But I will read into that.

Phastos: HOW?! IT’S A LETTER!

Kingo: Why is there a space after it, hmmmmm?

Phastos: Dude, really?

Phastos: It’s a fucking letter.

Kingo: It could stand for something!

Phastos: IT DOESN’T, I PROMISE!

Kingo: Like Oppression! Or worse…

Phastos: Dude, I just typed the letter O, that means nothing. :/

Kingo: Optometrist.

Phastos: Oh my God…

Ikaris: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Sersi: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Ikaris: I said within reason, Sersi. How about I murder that guy?

Sersi: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Ikaris: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

*playing twister*

Kingo: Right hand red.

Makkari: *ends up on top of Druig*

Druig: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Kingo: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Sersi: What do you have?

Sprite: A KNIFE!

Sersi: NO!

Kingo: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Makkari: We're chopsticks!

Kingo: Well... that's cute!

Kingo: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Druig: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Sersi: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-

Sersi, to Ajak: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.

Makkari, to Druig: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.

Gilgamesh: There are two types of people.

Sprite: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*

Kingo: You can't just skip to the happy ending!

Sprite: I don't have time for their problems.

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Gilgamesh: Again?

Thena: Did they win?

or

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Makkari: I need to talk to them about that…

Druig: Did they win?

Sersi: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Druig: Being a fish.

Sersi: Well, shit.

Phastos: How long do you think it'll take?

Druig: I don’t know, three or four.

Phastos: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?

Makkari, agreeing with Druig: Yeah, maybe five.

Phastos: Five what?!

Druig: Makkari, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Makkari: Ikaris, Druig wants you to get out of the house.

Thena: Kingo, we tried things your way.

Kingo: No, we didn't.

Thena: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Ajak: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Kingo: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.