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moodr1ng · 4 months

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one weird and annoying effect of me spending so much time on mainly american social media and watching all these american shows and movies and reading books by american authors and having all these online friends from america etc etc is that like.. when i write i no longer feel like i can set my stories in france? like, bc i write in english it feels like i need to set my stories in an english-speaking country, and the us is the easiest one to set up (i think in a way it kinda feels like the "default setting" of western media?). i feel like if i wrote a book set in france itd be weird or confusing to people, and also im always bugged bc like.. the stuff i write in english cannot be directly translated into french, like it doesnt correspond 1:1 to french sentences, and so if i set a story in france im always bugged bc i think "but that cant be what the characters are actually saying, because theres no equivalent to this in french". so i end up setting a lot of my stuff in the us, except ive only been to the us once and not long enough to get a good impression of what living there is like (not to mention ive only been to nyc), so i also feel like when americans read my stuff theyre gonna immediately go "huh? thats not how things are here. this author is a hack who cant do research." .. so then sometimes i set my stuff in fictional countries or in an ambiguous impossible setting which mixes stuff from various english-speaking countries + france, but then that makes my story immediately less grounded. this is such a big issue that it blocks me from writing entire stories i wanna write bc i just cant even begin to put them somewhere 😔

#97 #ig the two options are like..#either suck it up and write shit set in france even if ik the language thing bugs me #or set it in the us and have someone from the area im writing about read through it and correct everything i got wrong #both of which are a bit daunting.#'sunny' is my one story thats explicitly set in france #and the language thing bugs me SO SO SO much.#even the tiniest bit like..#omars nickname for sunny is 'bunny'#which works double as a cute nickname + as a play on her name right #but in french itd be like.. 'lapin' which could be a nickname ig but #it has a totally diff vibe. its not as cute. it comes off more weird or forced as a nickname.#and it has nothing to do w sunnys name.#stuff like that is always annoying me.#oh yeah 'brotherhood' is also set in france i forgot lol and i had the same issue there!#the librarian in brotherhood makes a pun on the phrase 'early bird gets the worm'#but thats not a phrase in french and neither is 'bookworm' with which she makes the pun #so its like. no she didnt say that. she cant have bc theyre supposed to be speaking french.#actually sometimes i even feel like im not knowledgeable to write france either!!#like i wanna set something in paris but while im in paris often im always a passerby #and i feel like i cant write paris in an authentic and genuine way #so what am i just supposed to set all my stories in my city and nowhere else??#i probably overthink this stuff.

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badlydrawndedkidz · 22 days

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hello there! it's me, Tortilla, known mostly as Mod by the people who have been following this blog for a While!

if you've ever scrolled for a bit here, you've probably Seen that I've tried a few times to get back into posting more often and failed comically as i grappled with the dreaded Mental Eel Nesses and Executive Dysfunction, among other things. especially since ask blogs aren't as popular as they were back in the day when i made this blog (2015! turned 9 years last aug 15th! that's an entire child. jin owes me a lot of child support,)

(before anyone gets scared, no I'm not deleting anything lol gimme a sec to word this thought)

okay so like. cutting straight to the point not gonna get sentimental right now I'll save that for later: i want to keep this blog active REALLY bad, but as much as I'd like to, for multiple reasons i cannot draw as much as i did back in the day, which is like... the main thing i usually post here. so I've been pondering for the past year or so What to Do about it

my one idea is to turn this into a general kgpr blog and reblog other people's art and official stuff and the alike here, instead of keeping it Just My Stuff

but the thing is, if i DO that i would want to change my url, because reblogging art to a place that's named "badly drawn--" whatever is. i Don't Want That y'know? it's disrespectful lol

the thing is that that's soooo many links that would Break. among other things. (+ i have nooo clue what id change the name to but that's a different issue)

so like, my question here is,

#...ngl i could swear i had more to say in this post but i forgot so uh. jazz hands #mod post #ive been going back and forth on this for a While lol..drafting posts and deleting them and rewording #life's been rough but kp's been there for me always and recently ive been back in the pit again #(managed to drag some of my friends in! they're having fun)#and ive been doing a doodle or two here and there but they're not in the badly drawn™ style #and after nearly a decade i STILL dont know if im allowed to post my normal style art here #(yes i know it's my blog i can do whatever. my brain works in mysterious ways. not even my therapist knows how it works)#if i do repurpose this id definitely go back and make the organization system better too lol which may take a bit #since there's like. over 2k posts or smth here? last i checked anyway #maybe more #might be over 3k but id rather lowball it #anyways im rambling uhhhhh #feel free to give more options/ideas if what i said doesnt feel Quite like the solution ig?#i just know ive been getting new followers still even when i havent been posting and it makes me feel bad like OH NO.... I HAVENT POSTED....

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pwurrz · 2 months

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i… wh…. HUH?????

#THEY WERE SICK AND TIRED OF US GUESSING THE SILHOUETTE CORRECTLY IG #but. if this IS blade like the blurb suggests..#does. does that mean this is going to be another double top event??#which. the fucking audacity to have a double top event with yakumo and NOT have it be with quincy #OR #are they seriously not having a yakumo ssr this time around #and having like. a blade edmond event #because both of those options are fucked up tbh #i KNOW they aren’t doing two triple banners in a row #so it’s gotta be one of those two #and honestly i don’t know what would be worse for me #nu carnival

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just-aro · 2 years

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tbh with the "what is your orientation" types of polls i'm seeing around the a-spec communitites, I haven't decided if I feel less included by ones that don't even offer non-sam aro (or "other") OR the ones that lump non-sam aro and non-sam ace into one option.

like, thanks for nothing king!

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #non sam aro #even then i feel more represented by oriented aro but like. ugh #generally speaking if ur demographic related poll has a limited number of possible responses #at least include an 'other'#i saw a specific poll earlier that specified orientations like bi alloaro but didn't include non sam at all #and like. bro. please. u could make two surveys #one for alloaros specifically if that's a target demographic #and have an other option #also i have polls so ig that's a thing i could theoretically do #but honestly mental and physical health are fucking hard and running polls doesn't give me energy #so i probably won't unless i'm asked to run one for some reason #and think it's worth it

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dont-offend-the-bees · 11 months

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Shit bro first hormone appointment in two days hold my hand

#am excited and scared #idk how honest i should be really #and idk what the guy's like #and I'm excited from a personal standpoint (holy shit yes hormones finally)#but scared/worried from a yknow. societal standpoint.#doing this in 2023 on terf island probably isn't the best move #and idk it's kinda daunting when i could write a laundry list of cons #and the pros list basically just amounts to 'makes me happy c:'#but like. i guess that's transition in a nutshell right?#we don't do this shit bc it's easy #if i could be content with the easy option (i.e. present as cis)#i would do that #bc i fucking hate expending any effort for anything abjsjdjfjdjjsd #aaaaaaa. two days to go.#might all be moot ig. they might reject me out of hand #and if they don't there's a good chance they'll reject me at the second appointment bc of my health #but yeah excited and scared is how I'd put it #but i simply don't think I'll ever know for certain that this is what i need until i try it #because i can second guess/talk myself out of ANYTHING. no joke.#and I'm soooo fucking. tired of being that bitch who's always waiting for shit to happen.#or waiting for the perfect time or whatever #waiting and thinking and waiting and thinking it's all i dooooooo #i need to get out of my fucking head #and i need to do fucking Something that deters perfect strangers from clocking me as female within seconds of knowing me #despite how fucking bewildering that feels to me as like. a soft masc presenting individual. who really doesn't get where they got that from #anyway its not with the gic but it is on the nhs #it's an appt with a local endocrinologist #so if anyone else has been prescribed hormones that way and has any advice/insight on how this appointment might play out dm me lmao #mr. bees speaks

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fix-me-sixteen · 14 days

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why does everyone hate vegetables so much. they genuinely taste good. i prefer them to so many other "good-tasting" foods. like genuinely. give me your vegetables i will eat them for you give them to me now. seriously where do they get their icky reputation from. why do children hate them. i’m confused

#stria speaks #i was going to say this is because i'm indian and we have FANTASTIC vegetable dishes and then i realized. i like white-people salads too #ate a salad almost everyday for two weeks straight because of a program i was doing once #because i wanted to not because it was one of the only vegetarian options available #i also ate pasta. this is irrelevant i feel #it was genuinely good??? like i liked it??? it was yummy #i don't understand why people act like eating salads is a chore. i love salads #people were (light-heartedly) making fun of me for it like “oh are you on a diet? i could never. salad only for five days straight???”#ig i’m on a diet if you count being vegetarian as being on a diet #but i’m not on a diet in the traditional sense #VEGETABLES STAY ON TOP #nobody understands the joy of eating a perfect combination of vegetables with different tastes . . . they all compliment each other so well #vegetables #vegetarian #vegetarian food #food

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saddlepunk · 2 months

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🍽 I don’t know your ocs by name! Your choice

🍽 - A special treat of their choice

For Aliss it'd probably be flapjacks + molasses! he's not much of a cook and he doesn't spend a lot of time around people if he can avoid it, so he doesn't get to eat them often-

#brother rabbit #it also happens 2 be two foods u can reasonably describe with just 'pale' and 'dark'#it occurred to me too late that special treat also doesnt necessarily mean sweet #but by that point i'd already started coloring so #had a serious debate abt whether or not i was obligated to draw him eating a lil cake or something but #i dont think he actually likes sweets that much nor would he ever like...#be presented with the option to pick any special treat for himself and go 'i NEED a little tea cake'#so while thematically appropriate it would be ooc #pancakes feel like a good middle ground ig-#anyways thats why bunny is there

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show-us-kaidenshenandoah · 2 months

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most of the time, when i make tiktok comments (or comments on youtube or insta or, i guess, social media in general) my brain has me just Fucking Forget that im not in a one-on-one conversation with OP and other people can read what i say. thankfully: this comment is now deleted after i foolishly left it up on tiktok for five months

i dont mind leaving i leaving it up here though because this is tumblr. it fits the vibe. i can mute the post if worst comes to worst, whatever. i think its funny that my friends were more worried about Chris than a literal cockroach lol im just glad the og tiktok comment didnt break containment before i deleted it from there lol but here? this whole site is "containment", itll be fiiiiinnne ...probaabblllyyyy

bc, yeah, luckily, this comment got only 2 likes. it was from a tiktok made by @/nerdymixedpan about: monster fuckery "hear me out"s? golden, great choices, will be allowed to speak even if no one agrees, no one is worried about Tat at all for any of their picks. human "hear me out"s? Tat's wife worries "you just like freaky lil white boys" as Tat is fussed over

but yeah!! Tat's sentiment reminded me of "my childhood (with some lifelong, but not all) 'hear me out's, but it gets worse as we go along" powerpoint i made and showed my friends for powerpoint night. and so i made an admittance in the above comment that, AS A KID (NOT NOW), i had crushes on Chris Mclean from "Total Drama Island" and the Headless Roach Man (is apparently his official wiki name) from "Growing Up Creepie"

and i think, for me, part of it is "monster fuckery? Kaiden-Shenandoah, youve been rarely NOT rigidly asexual your whole life. nobody is going to worry about you loving monster-romances and scream at 'but what about their genitalia?! you cannot possibly want to fucking bed that Lovecraftian horror!!' or some shit, bc you dont have any interest in that, so it's kinda like 'eh... our friends have had worse significant others we have had to tolerate'. at least we dont have to picture how the fuck sex would work" (bc apparently allosexuals, i guess, picture how the hell the sex could work when sizing up a loved one's partner? and they have the audacity to call ME their "favorite lil freaky weirdo". im as "freaky" as freshly cleaned Barnes & Noble, fam, idk what the fuck youre on) and all of that somehow nullifies all possible grotesqueness or horror of my monster picks. like "i kicked my feet and giggled as a lil kid over a nonspeaking, headless, giant cockroach", y'know?? nothing. they give me fucking nothing lmao rip

put an irl cockroach, head or no head (nonspeaking regardless) that is normal-cockroach-size, in front of my friends? there'd be so much screaming. but i get it, sure, the cockroach character in the ppt is 2D animated and will never be real. an actual cockroach is, y'know, obviously real. i get the dissonance there. i do. i get it. im befuddled... but i do get it, yes

and yet somehow the same logic does not impact my human "hear me out"s as my friends went "WTF KAIDEN-SHENANDOAH, YOU CANT GET WITH THIS MAN, HE'S THE DEVIL". like?? okay. but the headless extremely tall cockroach with no speaking-lines who lives in a sewer is fine?? both of these guys are 2D animated. neither are real. still. one of these png files got me a "lmao you cannot be serious... i mean, i GUESS, sure? carry on" and the other png file got me a "KAIDEN-SHENANDOAH, ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOURE DONE, NO, NOBODY'S HEARING YOU OUT, NO, NOPE, NO, SIT THE FUCK DOWN, LIKE HONESTLY, WTF". and, shockingly, it was the human man who got my friends kicking and screaming

granted, Chris absolutely is a stellar example of "if Satan was a mortal man" but also? s1 and s2 Chris was not so bad, he just did his job. he got unhinged as he stayed at that job. and im ngl im intrigued at the idea of how the fuck would this man function with something as benign yet allowing for obsession like a crush or being in love. but also? yeah, no, the straight-jacket and pillow-walled room i got put in for this one was warranted, yep, i get how i got here

#i said it in the Read More and ill say it again here: I DONT STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON THESE TWO. THEYRE FROM MY CHILDHOOD. ITS FINE lol #me #total drama island #chris mclean #growing up creepie #i contain multitudes #monster fucker #asexual #there will be no actual monster fuckery from this ace but wowza am a sucker for monster romance stories and thats Basically The Same ig #i digress lol #my powerpoint theme was Childhood (+lifelong ones that started from childhood) Hear Me Outs But They Get Worse As We Keep Going #but neither Chris McLean or this headless dancing cockroach are amongst my lifelong ones lol theyre JUST childhood ones i pinkie-swear #(still fucking weird ones to have at all?? much less from me during my childhood? correct. but if yall are gonna ever roast me #on this matter then i at lwast want it to be ACCURATE as theyre not CURRENT interests of mine. roast me for my PAST taste lol)#((i say like my current taste is much better. ehh. i try. its easier to do better than these two tho. they put the bar on the floor lol))#(''kaiden-shenandoah why the fuck did you even post this? a comment you deleted??'' bc i know comedy gold when i see it)#(i just also know tiktok doesnt give me a Mute Comment option if people see me make a Tumblr Quality Joke and decide to be ANNOYING)

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dandunn · 2 months

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Bleh.

#I'm at a crisis point in my life where I know I'm unhappy and want to make serious changes to counter it #But it all feels so fucking deadended and lined with logistical nightmares #Like it's obvious what I want friends/new experiences/travel but what's not obvious is how to get the money to do any of it #Absolutely no one wants to hire me I've been sending out applications nonstop for years #And I just get ignored!#And I don't know how much of that is my fault!#It's not like I can just stroll up and say yes 1 well paying job pls #The other option is to liquidate all my assets and live hard for a year or two #But that would also mean being homeless ig #Trying to live via my creative outlets doesn't seem like an option either no one wants anything I make #And I'm so fucking dead inside I can't create much anyway #You gotta live by the grind!!! What grind #There is no grind I am lying on the floor

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akkivee · 1 year

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but it looks like they moved stuff they took out from ichiro’s old profile to this page lol

#this is vee speaking #absolutely fuming kr posted this before i could mention changes in ichiro’s profile lol #the kanji gets crunchy so i can’t read it lol but i hope it says under samatoki’s and kuukou’s that they made up lol #but omg it’s kuukou………….. kuukou is a bb person of interest…………..#obviously lol it’s just the nagosaka shafted for tdd dynamics trauma speaking lol #this makes me excited to see who will be on everyone’s pages tho lol!!!!!#mtc maybe nemu ichiro and sasara???? but i don’t like that’s just mainly samatoki’s people of interest when rio has far more going on rn lol #fp???? otome ichijiku and jakurai maybe????? or replace ichijiku with a third gentaro related option????#mtr would have ramuda yotsutsuji and honobono probably 🤔#dh lol so ig samatoki and ichiro but the third is the question 🤔🤔🤔 i could see it being kuukou but this is another 3gumi has more going on #like ramuda or otome would be better suited for dh than kuukou tbh #and then lmao bat ichiro and jakurai but again who is the third????#whose to say three is a requirement lol maybe bat will just get two #or they’ll be a little strange and put shakku or amanda there LOL #it’d suck tbh but it’d be funnyyyyyyyy sooooooooooooo—

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lesenbyan · 7 months

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me, when i first got my tax return: hmmmm. sex toy maybe c: me, a few days later: WAIT I can afford commissions c: me, now: I can afford to finally replace my switch I killed, actually :|

#personal;#I finally did surgery on it and like. I did less damage than I thought #but the charging port is still unusable.#so like. I have backup parts ig #just an OLED isn't /bad/#but I was looking forward to one of the first two options :c #(really what I should do is save it but it's been SO LONG since I've gotten to buy happy things)

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righteousliar · 9 months

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not to be sad on main but I miss my mom