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royallyprincesslilly · 1 year

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Title: If This Is Love, It's Forever {5}

Title: If This Is Love, It’s Forever {5}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Angst, Cursing, Heartache, Time Jump, Fluff, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of death, TW: Death Penalty, TW: Execution, PLENTY OF WORDS

Words: 13.4k {Sorry. I refused to split this up again}

Summary: When the dust settles you have to decide where that leaves you and Lewis. Is it love? If so, could it be forever?

Note: Our finale is here! The end of the road folks! I hate to end on an odd number (if you’ve been here long you’ll know why) but I think it’s time we stopped torturing them now. LOL. Thank you all for sticking through all 42k of this. 42k y’all. WOW. Y’all are amazing to me.

Note II: Look out for the one-shot titled “Smell The Roses” about this garden picnic and rose maze sometime in the future. It was too good to pass up.

As always, thank you for reading.

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!

****NOT Edited/Proofread****

Previous: If This Is Love, I Don't Want It {1} | If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It {2} | If This Is Love, You Need To Mean It {3} | If This Is Love, You Gotta Ride For Me {4}

-Lewis-

He hadn’t felt like this since he’d been a young boy sitting in the headmaster’s office after he’d gotten into trouble for causing some sort of ruckus and was waiting to hear if he would be sent home for a spell of completely expelled. He’d always been lucky and had just gotten a few days home for his antics but right now he feared his luck had run out. He’d after all done more than caused a bit of ruckus. He’d knowingly slept with his boss’s daughter though the interaction or any similar to it had been explicitly forbidden in his contract. He’d then gone on to break said boss’s daughter’s heart. Oh, he’d caused more than a wee bit of ruckus. He may have blown up his entire career.

When things had begun he’d told himself to stay away from you because anything but professionalism was begging for trouble but the more he heard of you, the more he learned he liked. It didn’t take him long to develop an intrigue that turned to fondness then desire. The rest as they say was history. Now he might be history. He thought back over his long career in F1 and with Mercedes and all he’d accomplished thus far. Then he thought about all he still wanted to accomplish but for the first time, he didn’t feel an all-encompassing pressure to get it done. He felt calm as if he was satisfied with what he had done.

It was a strange feeling, a feeling he hadn’t quite experienced before, a feeling he only remembered when he’d made up his mind to genuinely pursue you then wholeheartedly commit to being with you despite the trouble it could and would bring him. He’d deemed you worth it and now, in the face of the end of his career, he still deemed you worth it.

“So. Let me get this crystal. Knowing your contract and how strictly forbidden any non-professional interactions are within the organization you purposely pursued the one person you absolutely knew you should stay away from. Is that correct?”

He clasped his hands tighter then nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Hm. For how long?”

“I’m sorry?”

“How long did you pursue my daughter?”

Keeping eye contact with him, he answered, “A year, sir.”

Jordan looked shocked and impressed. “A whole year you deliberately broke the stipulations in your contract.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then you went even further and deflowered my daughter, my one and only child, probably the future of this organization. You went and just—slept with her bringing her into your little—harem!”

“No sir.”

“No? So you did not deflower her?”

Sighing, he lowered his head for the first time, but then immediately looked back to your father.

“I did—deflower her, but I did not bring her into my harem. I do not have a harem sir and I did not know beforehand that your daughter was a virgin. I didn’t know until--.”

“If you had known would you have stayed away from her? If you had known the consequences of your decisions would you have allowed things to go this far?!”

Jordan’s voice boomed around the office. He understood that your father was furious about the situation and angry with him. He’d crossed a line he should not have but in reality, he’d come to realize that it was a line he was meant to cross because he was convinced you were the one.

Mr. Y/L/N, sir. I understand I crossed a line, I understand that to you I’ve committed a capital offense and I understand you are angry with me for my actions and what you may see as a blatant disregard for structure, rules, and authority, and I accept the consequences of my decisions, I accept whatever you decide you want to do with me because of it and I also sincerely apologize to you for how things have turned out. I am very, very sorry,” he calmly and clearly stated before taking a breath to continue. “However, I see now that there was no way that I would have been able to stay away from your daughter. It wasn’t possible from the beginning because what’s meant to be cannot be avoided and I believe that we were meant for one another.”

Your father stood behind his desk his eyes boring into his sifting through everything he was searching for the truth of not only his words, but his character as well. He was trying to figure out what kind of man he was and if he liked that man. Long minutes stretched with silence and with each minute his anxieties increased.

Jordan sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose then turned to the expansive windows behind him that looked out over London.

“I am utterly exhausted. It has been the longest weekend and I fear there are many more to come.”

He felt bad for the man. His world had crashed on him those years ago when your mother passed but had utterly caved in now with his realization he’d been shacking up with his 1st wife’s killer and had been played all these years. He could imagine how much he was struggling—how much you both were suffering.

“Y/N is all I’ve ever had, and I was supposed to protect her. I couldn’t but I refuse to fail her again,” he said.

“With all due respect sir, you don’t have to protect her from me. I have no intention of hurting her.”

Jordan spun around eyes red, “Yet you already have.”

He pulled out his chair, sat then sighed again.

“I didn’t mean to I was trying to protect her,” he rushed out.

Jordan scoffed. “Funny that seemed to be the running theme here. We were both trying to protect her but caused her harm.”

Jordan sighed long and loud then closed his eyes.

“What is it that you want Lewis? Why risk everything? Why risk your career?”

“I love her.”

Jordan studied him for a long moment.

“Why? So you can be one step closer to having Mercedes in your hands through her and making a real change in the sport?”

He scoffed. “I don’t want Mercedes. The reasons I love her have nothing to do with this organization or this sport. I love her because she’s seen everything, my worst and unfavorable, and still took a chance on me, she still fell in love with me while expecting me to break her heart. I love her because she’s the sun and the moon to me, the rise and set of every day. She makes me feel things I was always scared to, things I’d convinced myself I didn’t need in my life because they were risky and distracting. She’s shown me that truly loving is braver than driving a tiny car that goes upwards of 200 miles per hour. I love her because she never tried to make me love her and simply let me be who I am.”

Jordan scoffed again.

“I just want her, sir.”

“What if the only way for you to have her is by me ending your contract with Mercedes? What if to have her you have to end your career?”

Hearing those words he thought he would have felt panic, regret, or fear but he felt none of those things. Besides the tiny pangs of disappointment, he felt calm.

“So be it. I’m almost 40 many I started with have already retired. If it’s my time to go I’m all right with it. I’m not all right with not having her in my life.”

Jordan was expressionless as he took him in. “Okay.”

He reached into his desk and took out a single piece of paper and placed it atop the desk.

“Sign this. It’s your release from your contract and the organization effective within 1 month’s time at the close of the season. Once it’s signed I will approve of your relationship.”

He stared at the paper on the desk while he listened to Jordan explain what he would be entitled to and would have to agree to. All in all, he would be on the losing end as his contract wasn’t set to be up for another 4 years and he’d have to pay back most of the signed-upon salary, plus the perks and preplanned events and ops. It would be a nightmare to maneuver. It would really be like starting over, a life without F1.

Jordan placed a fancy quill-tipped fountain pen on the desk and waited for him. He didn’t hesitate, he stood and closed the space between the chair and the desk then signed his name on the stipulated line then took his seat again. Jordan looked impressed.

“Just like that? You didn’t even read it.”

“I trust you, sir. I always have. Plus it doesn’t bother me in the least to sign this. She’s worth so much more.”

Jordan slowly smiled then hung his head back. He took the paper off the table looked it over then stared at him as he ripped it in half, then ripped the halves into halves, and so on until the paper was nothing more than pieces of trash.

“Wha—.”

“Any man who would end his stellar career with little to no hesitation just might be worthy enough for my daughter.”

He was afraid to hope but the tendrils had begun to take root.

“Sir--.”

“This was a test Lewis, a test you passed. While I am angry with you for hurting my daughter I find myself sympathizing with you on just wanting to protect her. I don’t see your actions as vicious or that you wanted to hurt her. I think you made the wrong decisions with good intentions. I can understand a man of that caliber. You get to keep your career, however, that is all I can assure you that you will keep. Y/N is—her own woman and it is up to her what she chooses to do. I won’t stand in your way and give my approval should she decide to openly date you.”

His smile stretched but it only lasted a few seconds before his brain registered Jordan’s words on if you chose to be with him. He had no idea if that was something you’d choose. He knew how hurt you were, and he knew that hurt wouldn’t disappear over a weekend.

“Go on—get out of here. I presume you have plenty of groveling to do and her flight takes off from Heathrow in just under an hour.”

His eyes widened. “Flight?”

“You know Y/N, when the tough gets going so does she.”

Leaping to his feet he hurried to the door but stopped.

“Thank you sir.”

“Don’t make this another regret of mine Lewis. She is the only good thing left in my life.”

“I understand, sir.”

With that, he ran out of the office and through the building trying to get to his car. He’d had the foresight to drive rather than being driven today and now he was glad for it. Need for speed was more than a game for him, it was his life. Pressing the start button, he buckled up before revving his engine and swerved out of his parking spot in one move. Knowing the streets well he found his way to the motorway.

Once he saw open asphalt, he kicked the gear up and accelerated well over the speed limit. On average it would take almost an hour to get to the airport from where he was and he needed to get there in 30 minutes. He had no time to waste so he applied his F1 driving. He was risking a ticket, but it was another thing you were well worth.

~~~~~~~~~~~

-Y/N-

You glanced at your watch again and flinched at the pain that met you. You’d promptly checked yourself out of the hospital against the doctor’s advice even though you had 3 incomplete fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and low levels of so many vitamins that they were surprised you hadn’t crashed sooner. You insisted you’d be fine and would recuperate better away from a hospital. It took one hour at home for you to realize that you’d recuperate better anywhere but where you were.

4 hours later you were here waiting for the family jet to be fueled and serviced so you could take off. It couldn’t happen soon enough for you. It had been a hectic weekend with being hospitalized and having numerous detectives in and out of your room for statements, updates, and follow-ups. You’d told the story until you were purple in the face and hoarse. It hadn’t taken long for charges to be brought up not only for Aleeza but her stupid brother as well.

They were looking at several counts of attempted murder, bodily harm, kidnapping, murder itself, and more that stemmed from their whole life of crime pertaining to your family. The estimated punishment the detectives mentioned was 45 to life but depending on family feedback and feelings the death penalty could be possible for the vicious and egregious way they carried out their sinister murder plan for your mother. The one thing you knew was though you murdering Aleeza may not be what your mother wanted for you, death is what she deserved, and you would petition the judges to deliver that verdict. She had no right to continue to take any breath when she’d been the sole reason your mother had taken her last. You’d see to it that you watched it happen.

Keeping everything out of the press was a task and a half for your father and one that had practically greyed him within days. Every time you looked at him you could tell how guilty he felt. Everything from him oozed turmoil. You could tell he was broken but he couldn’t fall apart because he was trying to keep himself together for you. It was too heartbreaking for you to watch.

You bit your bottom lip, closed your eyes, then took several slow calming breaths. While the rage had passed you were now stuck with overwhelming sadness and pain and through all that your broken heart made it even harder to breathe. You knew leaving was probably not the best idea, you know it was your built-in defense mechanism rearing its head trying to get you to safety.

Since your mother passed you’ve been running and using travel as an excuse when really it was your need to distance yourself from whatever the source of the stressor was. Yes, you were leaving England to try to finish healing from the trauma of all that had happened but deep down you knew you were also leaving to put some space between you and Lewis.

While in the hospital you’d found a strange peace over your family drama. Yes, you were angry that your mother was deliberately taken from you but nailing the culprit to the wall had felt sort of cathartic like you’d personally gotten the justice your mother required. It made it easier to come to terms with your new reality. Since you didn’t have to work through that you found yourself thinking about your situation with Lewis.

Right now as it was, everything was still very much in the air. You’d come to terms with the reasons he’d done what he did, but you were still grappling with the fact he’d chosen to play Mr. Fix it all by himself rather than cluing you in so you could tackle it together like a real couple and real partners would. When you went down that path of thinking you began to doubt he was ever really committed or on the same page as you wanting to be your partner, and in something more than a hidden sordid affair.

Those thoughts led you to the large purple elephant in your head, the one that you’d ignored from the beginning. The elephant that was Lewis’ track record and all the rumors and whispers that followed him about his inability to commit and settle down, his penchant for no strings attached. After you’d told him you loved him and him not saying it back you worried that for him all you were was an illicit affair with the boss’ daughter, another attempt on his part for excitement.

His words that day at his Monaco house still echoed in your head.

“You knew what it was and what it wasn’t. You knew I didn’t do monogamy. You knew that wasn’t who I was. You saw the signs and the proof. Hell, you even mocked it right in my face. Yet you thought you could change me. You thought you were going to be different, thought you were not like other girls. Get the fuck out of here!”

His eyes had been so cold, so emotionless as if he were looking right through you without actually seeing you, without recognizing who you thought you meant to him.

“Yeah right! Let’s be real with each other right now Y/N. You knew what I wanted from the very beginning. You knew what it was I could and couldn’t offer. You entertained it. It’s your fault for thinking this was any different than what it was!”

He spoke his words so clearly, so precisely without one stutter or fumble. He spoke them like they were his truth, a truth you hadn’t wanted to face but feared in the deep recesses of your heart.

“Damn, that was a good line. Right? For fuck’s sake Y/N, I’d just cum harder than I’d ever cum before because of how amazing you felt. I was seeing stars. You can’t hold me accountable for any of that shit I said.”

Was it a line? Was it truth? What was real from fake? What was a show? What was reality? When lies become truths how do you tell what’s the truth from a lie?

“We’re here now right. The facts are simple, this is the life I want to lead now. I drive fast cars and like everything else just as fast.”

It was who everyone made him out to be. A playboy, a fuckboi, a down for a good time not for a heart. For so long so many women used him as a good time. They tried to see who would be able to get a piece of him or even make him commit and none of them were ever successful. They’d crashed and burned and been left with an incredible story to tell no one because of the NDAs but nothing more.

“It was a lie,” you whispered to yourself. “You were just another conquest. It wasn’t real.”

It was something you’d worried about for a while, then when he’d proved and confirmed it in Monaco it tore you apart. However, when he confessed his so-called love for you, it left you feeling nothing but turmoil. What was real and what was a lie? How could you trust him? Had you really even known him in the first place?

Your phone rang, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Hello? Okay, thank you. I’ll be there.”

You ended the call, stood then took up your purse. “In 12 hours you’ll be on a beach far away from this—far away from him,” you assured yourself before you began walking to the door of the private waiting area where you were waiting for the jet to be ready.

This part of the airport was only for private jet access for landings and takeoffs and in order to get access to it you had to be on the list of frequent users. You bought the first row of magazines you saw then took the escalator down to the tarmac. Before you walked out the door you slipped your sunglasses on and took a deep breath.

The pilot, co-pilot, and the two attendants for the jet stood outside with pleasant and welcoming smiles on their faces. You were almost there, you said to yourself. Suddenly when you were mere steps from the lowered steps of the jet the loud rev of a motor drew your attention to your left. You watched as a low-sitting cherry red Lambo Sport quickly sped toward you. It swerved to the right in a messy and hurried parking job and just from the effortless move your subconscious knew who it was.

The door swung up and out stepped Lewis. He wore his dark sunglasses as he looked around. When he looked in your direction your belly did backflips.

“Shit,” you rushed out.

Your head told you to keep moving and get to the jet but you stood there motionless. Lewis took quick steps to you closing your window for escape within 6 or 7 strides. You hardly registered him standing there before you with his sunglasses off and lips moving with no sound. It wasn’t until you realized he was holding your hands did you snap out of your stupor.

“Y/N.”

You looked down at your joined hands then pulled yours back while widening the space between you.

“Em, uh—what’re you doing here?”

You saw the disappointment in his eyes from your actions, but you ignored it.

“Um—your father told me where you were.”

You scoffed then shook your head. “Ha, I see the great Lewis Hamilton is above consequences for his actions. Of course.”

You began walking again but Lewis slid in front of you blocking your path.

“No. I actually got a text from your dad about the long list of consequences for my actions. Consequences that I’ll be going through for so many months.”

You nodded. “Ah, there it is, regret.”

You stepped around him and continued walking. However, again, Lewis crept in front of you stopping you.

“The only thing I regret is hurting you.”

You studied him for a moment and in that moment your heart softened. Fighting it, you stepped around him and continued, “One regret in life, most would be jealous.”

“I didn’t say I have only one regret in life. I have a few but the only two pertaining to you were hurting you and not telling you how much I loved you sooner.”

That had you stopping in your tracks. You fought with everything in you to not look back at him and it was one of the hardest fights of your life.

“I’m sorry angel eyes. I’m so, so sorry. I should have told you the minute I knew I was in love with you. I should have told you that night in New York when we were at the Empire State Building. I should have said it after I told you that you make me want forever. I should have never chickened out and told you that night we made love, I should have told you freely often, so you knew just what you meant to me.”

You felt his heat behind you telling you he’d crept closer to you. When he stepped in front of you, you didn’t move this time. The war within you had picked up and it only increased your pain. Your tears suddenly rolled down your cheeks pooling around the rim of the sunglasses you wore. Your glasses were so dark you knew he couldn’t tell you were bawling and you wanted to keep it that way. If only your bottom lip would listen. You felt its slight tremble increase to full-on quivering.

“I know you’re angry with me. I know with everything that has happened and my mistakes you—you may even hate me and that breaks me in ways you wouldn’t even understand. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away and work through it together, I’m sorry I went ahead and made the wrong choices. I’m sorry for the things I said, I’m sorry for how it looked. I’m sorry for all of it.”

Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you tried to steady it, but it was useless. It was like the harder you tried to keep the tears at bay and your features neutral the more your body rebelled.

“I love you and I don’t want to lose you. This whole time I realized I’m terrified of losing you. Terrified you’ll walk away and decide that I’m more trouble than I’m worth. I’m terrified you are going to decide we shouldn’t be together and the thought of that is just—painful. I don’t want a reality we’re not together in.”

Lewis stood there searching the lens of your sunglasses as if he could really see your eyes. You could see the desperation in his and it made him look frazzled. You could tell he hadn’t planned any of this. He was spitballing and hoping something hit home. This was so out of character for him. This was a man who planned everything, he had the foresight of a wizard and saw an exorbitant amount of possible futures that he seemed prepared for all of them. This couldn’t have been the one situation he never saw coming. Could he really mean what he was saying? Part of you didn’t believe it and the other part was too afraid to believe it.

“I don’t want to waste any more time Y/N. I love you, I want you and I need you in my life and I will do anything to make that happen.”

“There’s nothing you can do,” you managed to get out.

Lewis’ brow crinkled as his confusion set in.

“I don’t believe that Y/N. You don’t even sound like you believe it.”

You dug your nails into your palm and the pain from it allowed you to regain control of your legs. However, before you could step around him, Lewis was reaching for your glasses. He lowered them down your nose bridge revealing your flooded eyes then slid them off completely showcasing to everyone around that you were bawling worse than a toddler.

Lewis took a step closer as he called your nickname in the softest voice, a voice you nearly buckled to. Nearly. Taking a few steps back, you avoided his eyes and wiped your face.

“You don’t mean that,” Lewis said his voice low.

“What don’t like that answer? I don’t know why. You were the one who said that you didn’t do monogamy and that I knew what you wanted from the very beginning. That I knew what it was you could and couldn’t offer. That I entertained it and you taking what you gave no complaints and that it’s my fault for thinking this was any different than what it was. That was you.”

Lewis took another step to you trying to touch your hand. “Angel eyes.”

“No, you said this was the life you wanted to lead. You drive fast cars and like everything else just as fast. I heard you.”

You stepped around him, but Lewis held your hand lacing his fingers between yours. They were clammy and it registered that it was probably from his nerves.

“Please don’t walk away from me. Please.”

You scrunched your face as fresh tears welled your eyes. “I don’t know what you want from me, Lewis.

“I want you.”

“I don’t know if I can trust that—trust you.”

“Because of her.”

“No. Look I understand what happened. I understand you were stuck between two impossible decisions, two decisions a normal person wouldn’t have to ever make. I get it. I’m not upset with you because you made the choice you did.”

“Then what?”

You spun to him ignoring the way he looked like a kicked puppy.

“It was easy for you. So fucking easy. You didn’t stutter, struggle, or hesitate. Everything was so effortless. The words you spoke, the way you allowed those women to touch you, the coldness in your eyes, the way you said the things you knew only I would get.”

Your emotions betrayed you and hot tears rolled down your cheeks. angrily you wiped them away hating how weak you felt right now. All the feelings of betrayal swamped you yet again and it felt like you hadn’t moved past it at all.

“It wasn’t. Fucking—it was the hardest thing I’ve done. It broke me.”

“No it broke me!”

Your shout bellowed over the open asphalt of the tarmac and it dawned on you that you were laying out your private matters where anyone could be watching or recording. Gathering your senses and emotions, you dried your tears and slipped your sunglasses back on.

“Ehm, I get why you did what you did. I even get why you chose that situation as the only one that I would believe, I get it. I just—,” you sighed then hesitated for a few moments. “I don’t know who you are anymore.”

Lewis sighed heavily then dropped his head back. When he took a step toward you as if he were ready to continue the debate you stopped him.

“I don’t know if I can trust the things you say or you, I don’t know what’s real or fake anymore and if I can’t know any of that I don’t think—there is no way that we can be anything to one another.”

“Y/N, don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry. I just—I need to get out of here. I need to get away from--.”

“Me?”

“Everything.”

“Doesn’t it matter that I’m telling you I love you? Doesn’t it matter that I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Doesn’t it matter that I need you?”

Somehow his hand had found its way back to yours and unconsciously you’d laced your fingers as tightly as he’d laced his.

“I need time Lewis. I need space.”

It took a minute but slowly and reluctantly he unthreaded his fingers from yours until the only thing he was holding on to were your pinky fingers. It hit you then the last time he’d held you like this and that was when your tears really began. Your emotional state seemed to escalate his and he closed the space between you while gripping the life out of your fingers. It felt like he was trying with everything to hold on to you.

“I promise to respect you. I promise not to have you looking wild in these streets. I promise to value your thoughts and opinions. I promise to value you and your place in my life. I promise to have your back. I promise to be there for you when you need me. I promise to keep the past in the past. I promise to protect you. I promise to keep you in my heart. I promise it’s just you and me.”

Before you could begin wailing, you pulled your fingers away and hurried to the waiting jet so you could fall apart. Once on the jet, you hightailed it to the bathroom then let everything out that you couldn’t in front of him. Everything that you fought so hard to hold in, every fear, regret, hurt, and doubt rolled down your cheek and heaved off of your chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

-9 Months Later-

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

The long tone of the heart monitors stuck with you. It was hours ago that you’d sat in the front seat of the viewing room as the final lethal cocktail was administered to the woman who’d ruthlessly and gleefully murdered your mother. It had been hours since you stared into her cold eyes with your calm ones as she took her last breath. It had been hours since you’d uttered the last words she’d ever hear.

“May you burn in hell for eternity with no chance of absolution.”

You took a deep breath as the sunshine warmed your skin. All around you, the chirps of birds and flapping of fish, ducks, and birds in the lake before you filled your ears. The peace you felt within you now was resounding. You’d used the months you were away for some deep soul-searching and deep cleaning of your mind and heart. You’d put in the work to center yourself and resolve the anger and hatred in your heart. It had taken months, but you’d accomplished it and were certain of it when you sat in front of Aleeza who didn’t look like she repented at all and didn’t feel anything but pity.

You took another deep breath and smiled as the scent of daffodils and ranunculus filled your nostrils. It felt like this was the first time you could take a real deep breath without feeling pain. Angling your head back, you opened your eyes and gazed into the sky from behind your dark sunglasses.

“Thanks for the beautiful day mom.”

Your phone rang but you ignored it as a rainbow stretched across the sky. Over the last 9 months, you’d taken the time to find joy in simple things like these. You’d found a newfound love for nature and the beauty and wonder of a new day. Whereas you’d hated sunrises before and only cherished sunsets, you found a new respect for them. You’d turned into an early riser while remaining a night owl. Your entire outlook on life had changed and it felt like a true new beginning.

“The sun loves you.”

You turned to find your father’s smiling face. You leaned in close looping your arm through his.

“The sun loves us. Look this is the sunniest spot in the park.”

He glanced around and nodded.

“1 to 10.”

You watched two swans on the lake gracefully cruising by in complete peace.

“9,” your replied.

Your father nodded.

“You?”

“9.”

You stared at each other then smiled. Two weeks after you’d left he’d followed you and had remained traveling with you for the last 9 months. It was time you were so grateful to have had with him. You both needed the change of pace and time to heal and perhaps your healing was easier with each other. From the very beginning, he’d taken a liking to asking you to gauge how you were on a 1 to 10 scale and gradually it had gone from 1 to a 9. Neither of you ever went past a 9 because nothing would ever be perfect without your mother but 9 was good enough.

“You’re right this is the sunniest spot.”

“It’s mom. She’s at peace,” you replied.

You both stared at the sky in silence.

“Maybe she’s letting you know it’s time for you to find peace.”

“You too dad.”

Your eyes met as both of you thought over your words. He nodded then wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

“You are my peace. I love you sweetheart.”

“I love you too dad.”

Again, your phone rang and again you ignored it. Nothing was more important than this moment.

The next morning while you were sitting with a tall mug of caffeine, your iPad, and the sunshine bathing you, you found yourself scrolling through Harrods and filling your cart with the newest and best trends over the last 2 months and racking up a hefty grand total. You were so lost in your happy place that you almost tuned out the sound of your ringing phone. By the time you reached it, you didn’t bother checking the ID.

“Hello?”

“Y/N? Hello?”

“Uh, hi. It’s me. Who’s this?”

When you heard the name of Lewis’ sister you froze.

“Uh. Say again.”

There was no mistaking it was her. You’d spoken to her several times and even spent a lot of time with her and the rest of his family. The first time you’d vacationed with them you asked if she was sure she was all right with you being around her children and she said Lewis would never have brought you around them if he hadn’t trusted you to be 1, a good person, and 2, someone important.

“Hello?”

“I—I’m here.”

“I thought the line got disconnected. I’m sorry to just call you out of the blue but I was hoping that we could grab coffee and scones.”

“Uh. With me?”

“Of course silly. Are you busy? I’ve heard you’ve been traveling for a bit, so I don’t know if you’re back in England.”

“Um, I just got back in town actually.”

“That’s great. Can you squeeze me in?”

You didn’t want to be impolite and ask her why she’d chosen you to want this coffee and scone with, but you were very curious.

“Well—uh--.”

“No pressure. I promise.”

You sighed then resolved to your fate. “Sure. Let’s do it.”

“Great! How about later at Minnow? Maybe noon?”

“Today? Oh um, sure. I’ll see you there.”

You ended the call but still stood there confused as to why she wanted to have coffee with you at all. Surely she knew what had happened between you and her brother. Surely she knew that the two of you didn’t have anything to talk about. Then it dawned on you the possibility of her not knowing what had happened. It would be a Lewis move to keep everything away from them after all. It didn’t take you long to abandon thinking about it and go back to shopping. However, as you shopped your mind did wander to her potential reasons for wanting to see you.

By the time noon rolled around you stepped into Minnow and looked around the small but charming coffee shop. Toward the back where the flowers hung down overhead, you spotted her waving you over with a bright smile. You made your way through the shop politely smiling at those you passed until you stopped in front of her.

“Hi,” she said before she threw her arms around you with so much enthusiasm it took you completely off guard.

“Um, hi. How are you?”

“I’m well. My goodness you look gorgeous.”

You removed your sunglasses and fanned her off. “I’m not all of that. Now you, stunning.”

She giggled and then sat. You took off your light trench, draped it on the back of the seat then sat in front of her.

“This is beautiful,” you said trying to ease the awkwardness.

“It is. One of my favorite stops.”

A waitress came by to take your order and she ordered a platter of scones and croissants in 3 different flavors for the table with her coffee. You recited your semi-specific order while thanking her. When it was just the two of you again she smiled at you.

“How were your travels?”

“Good. I love to travel, and this round really served its purpose.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.”

You nodded, then asked about her family and the kids.

“They’re wonderful. The kids are doing amazing, growing so fast I can’t stand it. Mum is healthy and enjoying every bit of her life. Everyone is great. Well, almost everyone but that’s neither here nor there.”

When she said it she looked away which made it pretty easy to know who she was referring to. At the mention of him probably not being all right, you felt your heart rate increase. You wanted to ask how he was but you also knew it was probably not a good idea. Then you doubled back and questioned yourself why it wasn’t a good idea. There was no way he was doing bad because of you, right? That possibility swirled around your head until you realized you’d stayed so quiet you hadn’t been listening to what she was saying.

“So that’s what brings me here today.”

You did your best to keep your face neutral while somewhat engaged to hide the fact that you hadn’t heard a word of what she’d said.

“Do you agree to it? Will you?”

You sat there completely lost as to what she’d asked you.

“Um.”

Just then, the waitress returned with your items. She carefully placed them on the table then walked off to where she’d come from. Buying yourself more time, you took a timid sip of your beverage and took the extended time to swallow it.

“Y/N?”

“Hm? Oh uh—yeah.”

“Yeah? You will?”

You nodded and hoped you hadn’t agreed to something torturous. She lit up and clapped her hands together. “Yay, that’s wonderful. I know she’s going to love having you there. Since meeting you last Thanksgiving she really took a liking to you. She talks about you all the time and when she watches the women’s F1 she is glued to the screen for all of your interviews. She is going to be overjoyed to have you at her birthday party. The big 8!”

That’s when you got it. You’d just agreed to go to her daughter’s 8th birthday party. Oh shit, you thought while trying to not appear as panicked outside as you currently felt.

“I was so worried about asking you. I for sure thought you would say no or make an excuse as to why you couldn’t come. I’m relieved.”

“I’m flattered by the invite. I had no idea she liked me.”

She snorted, “Liked you? Since the last time she saw you, she’s been asking Lewis about you. Where is Y/N? When will she come by? Will she be here for Easter? Can we go get ice cream with Y/N? Can we go with you to the track maybe Y/N will be there? On and on and on, she and her brother. You’ve made an impact.”

You smiled as warmth filled you. You’d had no idea.

“Kids are pretty straightforward. They run off of vibes and are usually great judges of character. From first meeting you that was it.”

Your smile widened, “Your kids are above average human beings, so I’m flattered.”

She smiled clearly eating the praise up. For the next several minutes, you both drank your drinks and sampled the scones and croissants while making small talk. Slowly your nerves died down and you began to relax. This wasn’t nearly as bad or awkward as you’d expected, you said to yourself as you finished all the croissants almost an hour into the coffee meet.

She gave you all the details for the party and even some insight into her latest obsessions so you didn’t have too hard a time finding a gift. Once you’d finished your drinks and ordered another to go, you settled the bill and prepared yourselves to leave. Before either of you stood from the table, she placed a gentle hand atop yours.

“I wasn’t going to do this because I don’t want to be that sister who meddles in their siblings' affairs. I was just going to bring up the party and catch up then be on my way but sitting here with you I picked up on a few things and want to get one thing said if I may.”

Every single one of your nerves came back then. You sipped from your to-go cup preparing yourself, then nodded.

“By all means, unburden yourself.”

She nodded then took a few moments before she continued. “I love my brother. For a long time he was the baby in the family and in some ways still is the baby even though he’s a grown man. I’m sure you understand why.”

You smiled softly and nodded.

“I want him to be happy. We all do. He deserves it more than anyone I know because what the public, press, and fans get wrong about him is what we know about him. He’s a kind, sweet, giving, and a gentle soul who wants the best for even the smallest ant.”

You could see her getting emotional and tried to remain indifferent. “He is so deserving of love and I want him to have what I’ve been blessed with. I’m not saying this to guilt you into being with him again. He told us what he did and took the blame for the way things are between you. I hold no grudges or ill will toward you for it. Sometimes he can be a daft—bugger and do the stupidest things all with good intention.”

You scoffed and took another sip from your cup.

“I also know that you were the second woman I’d ever seen him fall in love with. Like actually. We all knew it before he said a word. In his nearly 40 years, you’re just the second but you are the first who truly saw all of him and accepted it. With the first he didn’t have this reputation this larger-than-life persona there was nothing to overlook. Now there is a lot more and you saw it going in, played with caution, accepted him, and had the genuineness to love him back.”

You looked away from her then, but you still listened.

“I’ve been alive long enough to know a thing or twenty about love. I know running from it never works because you’ll run your marathon only to end up in a different place with the same thing you’d run from staring you in the face. I know pretending there isn’t love where it resides is also a fool’s errand. Pretending will only bring pain, stress, and unhappiness. I know that letting something go only to have it wait for you and remain yours means it is and has always been yours. And last, I know that one should never just throw love away, not the love plenty spend a lifetime trying to find.”

You smirked and nodded. She stared at you as if to really drive home her point. You smiled. “I understand.”

She nodded again, “I understand if you change your mind by the day of the party. I get it and I won’t hold it against you. I won’t tell her and leave this completely in your field.”

You reached across and squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”

She smiled and stood. You followed suit then walked out of the shop. The two of you hugged and said your goodbyes before going your separate ways. Once in your car you sat there for a few minutes and allowed yourself to settle. It was something you’d learned over the last several months. Giving yourself the time to be was important. Once you’d come to terms with it, you made your way back to your condo. You were in need of a long soak in a rose milk bubble bath.

~~~~~~~~~

-Four Days Later-

You inspected your outfit in the mirror from every angle. This was your 4th possible look and like the others before it, you found fault with it. This one didn’t make your thighs look good enough. You groaned, then began stripping as you approached the next possible outfit. Your walk-in closet looked like a tornado had hit it and there were no survivors. You took another sip of your Mai Tai and moaned.

Once you were in the dress, you used your gadget to zip the back of it then took another sip from your glass. The white looked good against your skin and the fit showed off your curves. The only thing you worried about was the eyelet cutouts scattered across the dress and the low plunging neck.

“Is this appropriate?”

It made your breasts look incredible, but it didn’t feel like the right choice for a child’s birthday party. Groaning, you kicked off the heels you’d been wearing and dropped into the pouf that was beside your jewelry display.

“Am I over thinking this? I am aren’t I?”

You dropped your head into your hands and took a few minutes to pull yourself together. You recited your daily mantra that you’d been saying for the last 9 months and centered yourself.

“It’s just a party, Y/N. You are tripping for no reason. It’s not a big deal.”

On the one hand, you knew what you said was true but on the other hand, you knew you had reason to freak out. 9 months was a long time. You’d purposefully stayed away from any news, gossip, and or coverage related to him. His name was a tag you put on every social media outlet and any notification setting so that you didn’t mistakenly get any sort of update relating to him. By the 3rd week, you’d put his number on the block list just to be safe. It wasn’t that you thought he’d call you didn’t want to risk calling or texting him during a moment of weakness and confusion.

Even since being back in town, you hadn’t taken the restrictions off. You’d mainly remained inside your condo so bumping into him wouldn’t be possible. Your social media settings were the same, so the only worry was hearing something on Sky Sports or some other sports channel. You’d been lucky so far. However, out of sight did not equate to out of mind. If he were paid for how often you found him on your mind, he could have become a millionaire off of those thoughts alone.

From the corner of your eye, you saw a bubble gum pink fabric sticking out of its row of similar colored items. Once standing before the row you took the item down and smiled. It was perfect. With a smile, you stripped off the look you wore and put on the long pink maxi dress that screamed effortless, comfortable, chic, fun, and just a hint of sexy. When you spun and checked your reflection from all the necessary angles you nodded. It was perfect.

Almost an hour later you rolled through the heavy security check at the venue. You’d been here once before with Lewis and as you waited in the line of cars the memories from that day played in your head. The surprise picnic had been a sweet date but the fact that he’d shut the entire garden down for the day made you melt further. You gave your name to the guard and watched as he checked his device. He smiled then nodded as he pointed you to the way to go.

You sat in the car as you waited for a valet to come and get your car and the whole time you looked around for a possible exit. Before you could pull out of the line a valet approached your car. With a final breath, you gathered your clutch and the stack of gifts you’d brought with you. You thanked him then followed the laid-out path for guests.

Every few steps you stopped and allowed those behind you to continue because the memories were only bombarding you more and more. You were a tad bit more than fashionably late by now and you weighed your options of discreetly dropping off the gifts and going home rather than staying. You knew the longer you stayed the more the memories would demand attention.

“Ma’am? Are you lost? Can I help?”

The woman who approached you looked very friendly which made you bite your tongue in an effort to not snap at her.

“Um, I’m all right. Thank you.”

“Are you here for the Hamilton event?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Great. You’re on the right path. Follow the flower road and you can’t miss it.”

You smiled and thanked her. Following her instructions, you slowly followed the gorgeous path of flowers using the time to remind yourself of just who the fuck you were. All this excessive thinking was so unnecessary. With your head high, and shoulders back you approached the massive flower gate. Once you stepped through, your jaw dropped. She was right, there was no way you could miss this. Stretched out before you on the great lawn was a child’s dream. Inflatables, party games, food, and everything imaginable all complimented by massive flower designs. It looked incredible and perfect for a little princess.

Kids were scattered about socializing, playing games, and or losing their ever-loving minds probably hopped up on an excessive amount of sugar. Just looking at everything you could tell this cost a small fortune but it was so beautiful that you imagined nobody cared and agreed it was worth it. You wandered around the lawn taking it all in when to your right in the distance you caught sight of the massive flower maze where Lewis had once pulled you into. You’d played hide and seek and every time he found you his reward was a piece of your clothing. When he’d gotten you to your lace bra, you upped the stakes and turned the tables on him for the same reward.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to be left in your underwear. That was when the chase really began. When he caught you, he perched you against the edge of the fountain that was in the middle and had his 2nd dessert of the day which led to an adventurous and risky fuck right against one of the flowered hedges. You both came out smelling heavily of roses with leaves stuck to you.

The memory took you by surprise and nearly brought you to your knees. You didn’t know how it felt so fresh all this time later. You could still feel his lips against your pulse point and smell the roses that kissed his skin with every thrust into your core.

“For fuck’s sake!”

“Oooh, you said a bad word,” a childlike voice accused.

Your eyes flew open and to your shock, there was a little girl with sandy brown ringlet hair staring at you with a large lollipop in hand. She said it again and this time she said it very loudly. Looking around, you found everyone in the vicinity looking at you.

A high-pitched squeal sounded then you heard a miniature voice excitedly scream your name. Your head snapped in the direction and saw the birthday girl running to you like you were her most favorite person in the world. In a matter of seconds, she’d crossed the expanse of the great lawn and threw herself into you nearly taking you off your feet in the process.

“You’re here, you’re here, you’re here!”

Her excitement was so contagious that you giggled along with her.

“Hi!”

“Hi, hi, hi, hi!”

You snorted as you realized she was just as hopped up on sugar as everyone else. You stooped down, placed the stack of gifts under your right arm on the grass then hugged her properly.

“You’re here! I missed you. I knew you’d come. I knew it, I knew it!”

You laughed at how quickly she spoke but it wasn’t a good enough distraction because you felt the prick of tears at her excitement to see you. It was something you hadn’t expected. You didn’t think you mattered at all to her since it had only been less than two years you’d been in her life. You didn’t think you’d made any impact but seeing the joy in her eyes and feeling the tightness of her grip on you, your heart melted.

“I would never miss your birthday. Oooh look at you, you’re gorgeous. Are you a fairy?”

She nodded, smiled widely then spun around so you got the full effect of her fairy gown.

“Wow, you are the most graceful fairy I have ever seen. The Pixie Hallow girls better look out!”

She giggled some more and any nerves you’d felt disappeared. Just as you opened your mouth to say something else a blur of blue collided into your right side tackling you to the grass.

“Y/N!”

Wasting no time, the birthday girl jumped on you until the three of you were a bundle of arms, legs, and material. You laughed so loudly that you were sure you’d drawn the attention of everyone from the actual entertainment. They both chattered happily firing question after question at you, not giving you any time whatsoever to answer them. When Lewis’ nephew began making fun of the bright girly colors he was surrounded by you tickled him making him squeal and wiggle.

“Y/N! You made it.”

You looked up into a grown pair of eyes similar to the minis currently sprawled across you.

“Hi. I did.”

“Oh my goodness, guys get off of her. She’s wearing such a beautiful dress.”

You fanned her off telling her you didn’t care about the dress. That was all the two of them needed to hear because they happily sat on you. Willow played with your hair while Kaiden poked at his sister doing what big brothers did well. Lewis’ mom approached with a bright smile.

“Y/N.”

“Mrs--,” you began before she cut you off and gave you a stern eye. “Em, Ms. Carmen.”

She held her arms out for a hug and that was when the kids got off of you. You looked around for your clutch as you reached a hand out. It rested in a warm one and instantly electricity shot through you. You snapped your head in the direction of the surge and came face to face with Lewis. That surge of electricity turned to a blaze as if a thunderbolt had released its wrath upon you. A wrath that had been charging for 9 long months.

You stumbled back down and his arm came around you steadying you and holding you against him. Your eyes remained locked on one another, and you didn’t know how much time passed as such. The heat from his hands seared your skin branding you, marking you as if to finally show anyone who looked just who you belonged to. Who you’d always belong to, a tiny voice in the back of your head muttered. A voice that had been getting louder and louder as the date of your return to England approached. This voice was not fucking around anymore.

The fluttering in your belly increased so rapidly that you felt like you were currently going down a massive decline on a rollercoaster. As your heart thumped louder than you could conceal you found yourself pressing closer to him. The shock in his eyes spoke volumes. He didn’t know you were coming but the tightness of his grip said it was a welcomed surprise.

“Look Uncle Lewis, it’s Y/N! She came for my birthday. I told you she liked me.”

Just like that the spell had been broken, but it was Lewis who pulled away from you quicker than you’d expected. As if he wasn’t far enough, he took several steps back.

“Of course she likes you. There is no one in this world who would not like Princess Willow,” Lewis said before he lifted her into his arms.

You turned your attention back to his mother and hugged her. She rocked you from side to side as if she’d longed for the hug for months.

“You’ve been missed.”

“You’re sweet.”

She pulled back, cupped your cheeks, and stared into your eyes.

“The same sad eyes I look into daily.”

Your smile slipped as you gathered her meaning.

“Ehm. Thank you for coming, Y/N.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it.”

You turned for the gifts but found they had already been gathered for you. Two arms hooked yours and led you across the lawn. You smiled and said hello to those you passed as they led you wherever they wanted.

“I see someone got the invitation.”

You turned to see your father’s smiling face.

“Dad? What are you doing here?”

“Of course coming to celebrate this little fairy’s birthday,” he replied.

“You didn’t tell me.”

“No. I decided to let the chips fall where they would and I see they fell just where I expected.”

You swatted at his forearm hoping to get him to change the subject. Flawlessly he did just that.

“Everything is beautiful.”

“Honestly, Willow told Lewis a theme and this came from his imagination.”

You smiled to yourself believing it. The man had a flair for extravagance but also an eye for things like this.

“I love it Uncle Lewis!”

“I’m happy to hear it. I’m going to keep making the rounds,” he said placing Willow on her feet.

Without another word, he disappeared into the crowd. You realized then that you could take a deep breath again. A snort escaped you because you were beginning to realize that fate was anything but subtle. As everyone scattered to mingle you stuck to your father’s side and walked around the gardens. You took glass after glass of rosé drinking them all down as you came face to face with memories that played so vividly before you like whisps of your former selves were acting out every event.

After an hour or so you found yourself awestruck with the interior that looked like an enchanted forest. He’d really dug into the depths of his imagination for this. Suddenly a thought hit you about how great of a dad he’d be. It was a thought you’d had plenty of times before and each time you’d found yourself picturing a little boy with his eyes and gap-tooth who loved go-carting and racing as much as he did.

“Honey, did you hear me?”

“Hm?”

“I asked if you’ve seen the flower maze.”

Several pairs of eyes drifted to you but one pair remained turned down glued to his plate.

“Um, yes I saw it.”

“It’s breathtaking, Ms. Carmen chimed in.

“You should go through it. Roses everywhere,” she added.

Lewis kept his head down while you struggled to string two words together.

“Should we go take a look?”

“No!”

Everyone looked at you strangely.

“I mean--.”

Lewis looked at you then and you knew he was thinking of the same thing you were.

“Em, I wore the wrong shoes today my heels will only dig into the grass more.”

“Plenty of people are barefoot, there’s nothing wrong if you do it too.”

“I’m no good at mazes, I’ll only get lost,” you attempted.

“Then take Lewis with you. He’s good at things like that,” Ms. Carmen added.

“I’m going to make sure everything is ready," Lewis said before he stood from the table and once again disappeared.

For some reason, you glanced at your father beside you but he was already watching you with a soft smile on his lips. He nodded his head almost in a reassuring way then went back to his meal.

After, you watched Willow and her friends dance around as the smoke machine went off and balloons fell from the ceiling. She was having the time of her life. Every so often your eyes kept drifting to Lewis who stood to the side also watching her. He hadn’t returned to the table and had kept his distance. Matter of fact he’d been doing it all day as if he didn’t want to crowd you. It made you feel strange, and you didn’t know why. You looked over him taking your time to trail over his outfit that you knew he’d put plenty of thought and effort into. It was a good choice, the simple white t-shirt paired well with his pale pink pastel patterned pants while the pastel yellow and blue patterned denim material jacket he wore pulled it all together.

When your eyes slowly raked back up his body you found him looking in your direction. You should have instantly looked away, but you didn’t. You kept eye contact and fully sank into the lightheaded feeling his eyes always brought. He slowly licked his lips and it felt as if you’d momentarily gone through menopause as a sweltering hot flash rushed through you. That was when you looked away and excused yourself from the table. With hurried steps, you walked back out onto the great lawn and then stopped. You bent, unbuckled your heels, and peeled them off then quickly walked in the opposite direction from the maze.

Ten or so minutes later you found yourself nearing the maze entrance though you’d tried to stay clear of it. Aggravated you about faced and hurried away. Lost in thought you wandered around the gardens with no clear direction in mind. However, a while later you found yourself right back in front of the maze.

“For fuck’s sake.”

You rolled your eyes then walked inside. If the universe wanted you to go in you’d ace the shit out of this maze. Slowly you made your way through the winding paths while trailing your fingertips along the roses. The deeper you went the stronger the scent of roses surrounded you. The headier the scent the more real the memories felt. By the time you made it to the fountain in the center, you knew this was your mother’s work with the universe.

When at the opposite side of the fountain you hopped up on the ledge and stared at the large hedge in front of you. There was nowhere to go in that direction, and it felt very symbolistic. You also had nowhere to go. It was as simple as that. You recalled the looks, the smiles, and the touches between you that day and everything else faded away. You smiled. The sound of your notifications had you digging into your clutch to see a message from your father.

MSG Dad: I meddled once and told myself not to do it again and I was going to end it there but then I saw your reactions to one another today and I think it would make me a bad parent if I didn’t meddle once more and show you this. Do with it as you will. I love you, sweetheart. Remember a man’s mistakes do not define him. What defines him is his character when no one is looking and when there is nothing to gain. And your fear should not define you. The depth of your heart and willingness to let love in could.

You sniffled then an airdropped file appeared. You attempted to tap it a few times but with each attempt, you chickened out. Your finger hovered over it for several minutes before you took a few deep breaths and tapped it. The file opened to show a video. You recognized your father’s office and as the audio began you realized it was your father and Lewis talking.

You watched the events of his meeting with Lewis the same day you’d left. With every word Lewis spoke, he did not sound like a worried or fearful man who’d fucked up and slept with his boss’ daughter. He sounded resolved as if he accepted his wrongdoings and was not interested in downplaying it or escaping ownership. For some reason not hearing him apologize for it made your chest swell. As the video played out and you listened to Lewis tell him with conviction how he felt for you the knot in your throat turned into a rock.

You watched as your father placed the documents on his desk and held your breath as you waited to see what Lewis’ move would be. You didn’t have to wait long before you watched him stand and cross the office to sign his name on the papers all without reading a single word. Instantly, you thought that was stupid of him. Everyone knew to always read things before you sign them especially when you were someone who had so much to lose. The video played out with your father ripping the papers and telling him where you were.

You’d always suspected it was your father who’d given him your location because he was the only one who knew it. Now you had confirmation. Your laugh began as a snort but soon turned to a full-on hearty cackle. You closed your eyes and allowed Lewis’s words to echo back in your head.

“There was no way that I would have been able to stay away from your daughter. It wasn’t possible from the beginning because what’s meant to be cannot be avoided and I believe that we were meant for one another.”

Your throat tightened with emotion.

“I love her because she’s the sun and the moon to me, the rise and set of every day. She makes me feel things I was always scared to, things I’d convinced myself I didn’t need in my life because they were risky and distracting. She’s shown me that truly loving is braver than driving a tiny car that goes upwards of 200 miles per hour.”

Your eyes pricked and stung.

“I’m not all right with not having her in my life.”

Your heart sped, thumping so loudly it filled your ears blocking out all other sounds.

"It doesn’t bother me in the least to sign this. She’s worth so much more.”

Your tears spilled over the rims of your eyes, rolling down your cheeks. However, before the tears you’d cried were sorrow filled, painful, and heartbreaking. These were different. They didn’t carry the weight of the entire world in them. They were lite and comforting.

“I love her. I only want her.”

The butterflies in your belly took flight sending your entire being into a state of gleefulness.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes snapped open and like you’d wished him there, Lewis stood before you with a timid look on his face. When he registered your tears he took another step to you as his brows crinkled with worry.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen?”

He grabbed your hand and your eyes dropped to it. Almost instantly he released you and stepped back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I—I just—you’re crying. I thought something was wrong.”

You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand then took a deep breath.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” you said.

Lewis didn’t look as if he believed one word out of your mouth. He assessed you, searching for the hidden meaning behind your words but when you didn’t move to say anything further he nodded.

“Okay. Um, I’m sorry to—I didn’t mean to crowd you or bother you. I came for a walk, and you were here. I’m gonna go and you can go back to having your space.”

He turned and walked back around the fountain to the walkway. You watched him clench and unclench his fist and smiled. You knew the tick; he had plenty more to say and was trying to restrain himself.

“The funny thing about space is you want it so bad you can taste it and then you get it—a lot of it but suddenly and all at once that space becomes suffocating, uncomfortable, and even painful. Before you know it, you wake up one day and in the span of hours or minutes the space that you wanted becomes the last thing you need.”

Lewis had stopped but his back was turned to you. You waited for him to engage and prayed he would. You knew the ball was in your court with this but you also knew 9 months was a long time. You’d been apart and had no communication. You were practically strangers now. You had no idea where his life was let alone his head. What if he was over you? What if he’d decided by month 3 that he’d had enough?

“And what is it that you need now?”

Relief filled you. “A few things really. First I need to apologize to you.”

“For what?”

“I asked for space and time, and I left and didn’t look back. I selfishly left you in this state of suspended animation without thought or care and I am sorry for that. It was inconsiderate and selfish of me. I see that now and I’m sorry for it.”

“Ok, you’ve apologized.”

The reply wasn’t what you’d expected or wanted but his standoffishness was a result of your own. You understood.

“Is that all?”

His voice was cold, almost angry.

“Why would you sign away your career just for my dad’s approval of you?”

Lewis turned and looked at you. “What?”

“My dad showed me the video of your meeting.”

He scoffed. “I’m not doing this Y/N. I’ve said everything I could possibly say to you for you to understand why I would—how I feel about--.”

Lewis sighed then shook his head. “Let’s not.”

He turned again to leave, and panic filled you. Hopping off the edge of the fountain, you fully turned to him.

“Second, I need you,” you rushed out.

Your words stopped him, but they didn’t make him turn around.

“I want you and I need you. I’m sorry I had to leave to figure that out, I’m sorry I had to stay away so long to understand. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see it before or trust in you and what we had—could have. I’m sorry Lewis. If I’m honest with myself I’d figured it out after six months but that fear held me longer. The fear that you couldn’t be trusted, the fear that you were lying to me for some ulterior motive, the fear that I was being stupid and gullible and refusing to see the writings on the wall. I was so scared to risk getting my heart destroyed by you again and that fear kept me away, that fear kept me running from you but I’m tired of running and so done with it. There have been so many signs directing me to the truth, so many signs pointing me to you and everything we started. It came to the point where it was stupid for me to try to ignore them anymore. It was impossible.”

Still Lewis kept his back to you and the longer he did the more fear filled you, the same fear you’d been determined to let go.

“I know it’s been a long time and I know that I’ve hurt you probably almost as bad as you hurt me and I know that people change and things change. I have no idea where you are in your life now or who—you have in your life,” you said ending in a whisper.

Lewis spun around then. “Are you being serious right now? Who I have in my life?”

He looked at his wit’s end like he was seconds away from blowing up at you.

“What part of no matter what, from this day on there will be no one else. Just you. Even if you decide that you want nothing else to do with me, I will love you from afar, but it will still forever and always till my last breath, just be you, do you not understand?”

You stood there speechless and even that set him off.

“Like I don’t understand why it’s hard for you to fathom or why it hasn’t sunk in yet. I—love—you. I am in love with you. I want you!”

His voice boomed in the maze as he spelled it out for you. Your tears rolled again.

“I love you too. I’m in love with you too and I want you too,” you whined through your tears.

Lewis took you in for a few moments then he walked around to you.

“Say that again.”

You scrunched your face and allowed your tears to free fall. You didn’t care if he saw them or knew your weakness and vulnerability at this moment.

“I am head over heels in love with you Lewis Hamilton. I love all of you without reservation and without shame. I love you because you love me through my fear of you. I love you because since your cocky ass waltzed into my life trying to prove you weren’t like your old self I’ve never loved like this. I love you because you’d risk it all for me. I love you because through loving you I’ve realized that everything I doubted and didn’t believe in that was written in Corinthians is true. I love you and I want you, all of you completely, from this day for all the days.”

You knew you were full-on ugly crying in front of him with snot possibly dripping down your nose, but you didn’t care. Lewis’ glistening eyes overflowed.

“Fuck I should make you work for this but I’m such a fucking simp for you.”

Lewis rushed you then crashed his lips against yours setting off the fireworks behind your eyes and in your head. In the distance, a chorus began while instruments blared all to the rapid beating of your heart, a heart that matched the one that was behind the chest pressed to yours. Your lips urgently claimed his not being able to get enough of him.

When Lewis pulled away you stared at one another all the hurry melting from you. It was at this moment the two of you truly saw one another. There was nothing between you, no walls, barriers, fears, or hesitations. You were both all in. He kissed you once on your lips, then both your cheeks then your forehead before ending on the tip of your nose. His eyes then locked on yours.

His thumbs swiped away the rivers rolling down your cheeks before he kissed them. You felt tear drops softly land on your collar. When Lewis pulled back you saw they were his. You hooked your pinky fingers with his.

He smiled kissed you again then pressed his forehead to yours. You both stood there taking in the moment and the weight of the promises you’d just exchanged for the second time. They meant so much more now than they had two years ago.

“Your father gave me permission to date you in the open, you think he’d give me his permission to marry you?”

Your eyes snapped open, and you gazed deeply into his to see if he was serious. You found no humor in his deep mahogany orbs.

“I’m serious. I want to make you my wife, not my girlfriend. I want to refer to you as my wife, not my girlfriend, Mrs. Hamilton, and Y/F/N Hamilton, not Y/F/N & Y/L/N. I want to live with you under one roof, I want to make plans year after year. I want to start family traditions with you. I want to have a little girl with your eyes and smile who has me wrapped around her finger from her first breath. I want a son with your drive and forehead who knows from the first breath he takes he’s a king. I want a lifetime of loving you, supporting you, and being your biggest fan. I want a wife for life.”

“Are you—did you just—what’re--.”

Lewis dropped to one knee before you stunning you silent.

“Y/F/N & Y/L/N, do you love me?”

“Yes," you whispered.

“Do you love me enough to spend the rest of our lives together?”

You nodded, unable to find the words.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

His smile was the widest and brightest you’d seen in a long time. He stood and lifted you into his arms swinging you around as the both of you laughed.

“You mean it?”

“With everything in me.”

He kissed you again and again all over your face. When he wrapped his arms around you again, he whispered in your ear his lips skimming the shell.

“You make me want forever.”

You stayed there hidden as the sunset bathed you in its beautiful amber glow keeping you encapsulated in your bubble of joy and hope for new beginnings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fanfiction #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton imagine #if this is love it's forever #if this is love series #black fanfiction

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tonixe · 10 months

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im currently kicking, screaming, crying, and begging for a part two of your elf king Kyle fic 🦭

'I only have eyes for the King' + II

a/n: IM BACK!! The answer is yes, im sorry I kinda of baiting y'all all but I wrote it but I wanted to fix it because it wasn't giving, so this is me rewriting it I hope yall enjoy, and I hope you, lovies are having a wonderful day. P.S. This will also be posted on my ao3 as well!! I'm still in my royal era, and, I love kyle sm. ✩ KYLE IS AGED UP

warnings: nsfw, penetrating, yes there will be sex, p in the v, technically adultery, creampie, fluff, mature kyle. There getting physical and its detail.

pairing: Kyle Broflovski x Queen!reader ✩

word count: 2.7k

part one: I

tags: @peachykeen3502, @cafezingoxtoso..

"Yes, we shall" You made eye contact with the king.

You fixed your posture on the chairs, placing your gloved hands on your dress, looking forward at the redhead king. "So, what brought you to the Kupa Kingdom," you said, before taking ahold of the freshly poured tea in front of you and taking a sip of the hot liquid.

"The faction is breaking apart" He calmly spoke out, before drinking the poured liquid into the cup. "Faction?" You repeated the words of the man.

"Yes, seemed like some political parties have formed their unit and causing some problems" He began to sip his tea, your pupils were dilated, as you studied his features. His conquest did bring some good things, his face is a little longer than his normal style, still curly. It gave him a feminine appearance but you looked your gaze at his hands and forearm, it also got him stronger.

"Are they my dear husband's group that is causing that?" I cocked my eyebrows, "Probability is most likely, knowing Cartman.." He finishes, placing his cup down and waving the maid away from refilling it. "So, what did you come here for.." you opened your eyes, looking at him directly.

"To make peace with you" You swore you saw a little smug grin on his face, "For what?" I questioned, "Against your husband, so we can stop this nonsense, you're only lucky that we're on good terms.." his words dripped with venom after he finished, "Alright" You placed the cup down, "Then it's settled" You placed your hands on your lap,

"Do you need a room to have some rest from your long voyage?"

The king of the elves is already being directed to his room, by one of the delegates. "Butters," You said, before hearing his footsteps, as you turned to him, he was already bowing. "Please, call Sir Craig, and Tweek Tweek, to the crowning room.." You tuck your hands to your side, "in a fast fashion, please" You finished, turning your body to open the window, his elf scent still lingering. 'God their scent is strong' you groaned, feeling your cheeks getting hot.

"Yes Your Majesty," He said, before his footsteps backed away from you, maybe he was running, it made you laugh a bit. "Scott, I turned and flickered my eyes to the doorway

"Yes, your grace?" He bows at a 90-degree angle, "Tell the chefs to get dinner ready, and make sure for it to be extravagant, I want him to know how long I have been waiting for him.." You smiled to yourself, whispering the last part to yourself, "Yes my queen". As he left the room, you started walking to the crowning room, picking up your dress as you went to the room. Sitting down on the throne, smoothing out your dress.

As you heard footsteps in the throne room, "My grace" You heard in sync, I picked up my head and looked at the two men in front of me. "I have a position for you two men" You cleared my throat, "I need you to clear out a group of people causing trouble in one of the villages, I have heard that it was made by Eric" You finished. "Even if you have to kill them, just clear them off..and if they're not dead yet. Bring them to the dungeon and let the executor take care of them" You finished, fluffing up your hair.

"Is that all my queen?" Craig said, "Yes, you are welcome to go" You finished, before hearing the metal hunk of junk walking out of the crown room. Getting up from the throne, you walked to your chambers to get ready for dinner. Your handmaids accompanied you, as they walked with you to your room.

Feeling their hands zip down your dress, untying the string as it fell down. Your kirtle being revealed, as they took it off as well, to your Farmingdale then to your chemise and garter. "You guys can leave. I want to rest please" You said, turning to them as they bowed and left your room. The door closed slowly, and you walked to the bathing chamber, remembering the sounds of the water being run, crossing your eyes to see him. You wanted to visit him but were worried about being caught. Biting your lip, walking to your bed, laying down. Looking at your open window, the velvet curtains adorning the window.

[ A few hours ]

There was knocking at your door, as you woke up grogily. Your maids ran in, "My grace" a red-headed girl said, it was a girl named Red. As you propped yourself up, looking at her. "We have to get you dressed quickly, the dinner in an hour" She exclaimed, walking closer to you. Getting up from your bed, stretching your arms. Walking to her, as she dressed you back in the layer, Farmingdale, kirtle, layers and layers, with petticoats. "What color do you want to wear?" She asked, "Something that—" You cut myself short before I accidentally said something else. "Blue, a blue velvet dress, and some pearl accessories too" You finished. As she stepped out outside, she found the dress.

'Kyle.." You thought in my head, your eyes flickering to your hands. Before Red came back quickly, she held the blue velvet dress with pearls delicately.

"Do you want me to help you put it on?"

"Yes please" I smiled, as she helped you into the dress. Stepping into the blue dress, as she pulled the dress up. You fixed the corset of your chest. Your eyes looked into the mirror, the dress did look good on you, but your chest was being dramatically pushed up.

"You looked beautiful madam," Red said, "I'll do the rest, please go," You said, as you sat at your vanity, doing your hair and putting on a matching French hood. Light makeup and painting your lips a light crimson red. As you got up, walking with you out of your chamber, went to the banquet hall, and sat down at the front of the table.

"Apolgies I was late" You spoke out, your eyes looking around. There were some people around the large dinner room table, Princess Kenny at your right, King Kyle sitting on the opposite side of you, with some at his left, It was a man with a harsh stare and black messy hair. You believed it was Sir Stan, and the bard, Jimmy Valmer. There were more people as well, nobles, and lords including Lord Tolkien around the table. You bit your lip, only wanting to enjoy dinner with him. Looking at your front at Kyle, he stared at you as well. "So, how was it in the Kupa Keeps" You sipped some wine from my golden cup, looking at the several maids and butler serving food on the large table. Soon being filled with a bunch of food,

A butler serves your food, putting it on the delicate white china. "It was well" He looked at his plate soon being filled of his plate, "I'm glad", "You brought Sir Stan as well," You said, flickering my eyes at him. "How did you like it so far, stan?" You cocked my head slightly. He didn't say anything yet, "It was good," He said, taking a sip of the golden cup, "That's nice" You smiled, You took another sip, and You glanced at Kenny as she looked at you.

Before I cleared my throat, "Let's raise our glasses to..the king of the elven kingdom having a safe voyage" You raised my glass as they all did as well, "Cheers" You exclaimed, "cheers" You heard his deep chilling voice to my ears.

You pulled open the window, and your whole room felt hot, letting the cold air enter your room. But it was not enough at all, you were sweating from your frilly nightgown, your hair down as well. You wanted to blame it on Kyle, everything he did was annoying you, especially his appearance.

'How wouldn't drive somebody crazy, and his scent", gripping your nightgown, before changing into a fancy robe covering your body. You knew what room he was staying in, and he wasn't going to asleep at this time, opening the door of your room quietly.

Stepping your feet on the cold tile floor, walking as you cover yourself in the robe, feeling nervous about what to come with the elf king. Finding making it to his room, debating on knocking but you place your hands on the golden, cold knob before opening it.

He was lying down, not ready for bed but reading something with fancy carved glasses, his hair was messy but it was perfect, his skin still pale as snow and his freckles making a perfect contrast. You stepped fully into the room before closing the door behind you and locking making sure nobody came in.

You felt his eyes on you in the beginning, as his head turned to you. "–And what do I own the queen?" he said, with an interesting voice, and you felt your lower abdomen tingling. "Everything Kyle.." You said before you could process, walking to his bed. He watched every step you made, before you dropped the robe.

His eyes widen at your naked display, your curves that are hidden in the petticoats and layers of the dress being revealed and your breasts perked up. You didn't cover your body at all, you walked toward the side of the bed he was at, "you owe me everything" you whispered, looking at him in the eyes. "Is the queen seducing me?" he teasingly responded, before he got out of bed.

He pushed the strands of your hair from your face, before his eyes looking at every part, every piece of skin he could see. "How long did I seen you like this..?" he questioned, "3 years ago" I answers back

"You changed," he said quietly, feeling his face roaming against your body, his fingers grazing your nipples, "Haah~" you moaned, "Still the same, Y/N" he chuckled. To your surprise, he carried you, you quickly wrapped your around his neck and hips. Feeling blooming kisses on your neck, your moans flew in a rhythmic motion, before he kisses you.

Your and his lips touched, you both fighting for dominance, but you ultimately failed.

He explored your mouth, abusing your lower lip, before withdrawing. Your chest heaving, eyes are heavy and droopy. "K–Kyle" you moaned, as he laid you down on his bed. Your body shifted as you tried to cover your breast, "Don't look at me it's..... embarrassing" you whimpered.

"Too late" he ripped your hands away, your breast bouncing with the motion. Hunger was in his eyes, as he pried your legs apart. You were already wet, leaking out some clear liquids, feeling his head in-between your legs. Feeling his nose colliding with your clit and his tongue fucking your pussy. Moans ripped out of your throats, clenching your feet and throwing your head back.

Placing your hand on the back of his head, pushing him in, "More..more.." you whined. His tongue felt like heaven, pleasure all over your body. His hands propping your kegs up, his grip never leaving them.

It was embarrassing doing this again, you were addicted to him. He satisfied you in ways he couldn't, feeling your orgasm coming through as you a wave of hot, pleasure came down on you. Feeling his tongue taking care of the mess between your thighs, his sticky saliva on you.

Your eye hesitantly made eye contact with you, his face had wet marks. It made you feel hot, as he licked his lips. "I didn't get to enjoy it meal yet" he pouted, "well I guess dessert is next" he started taking off his loose pants, revealing his cock. It was bigger than before. You remember the first time you guys fooled around, but now everything felt so real.

He wasn't clean-shaven. The carpet matched the drapes, a deep orange as his happy trail. As he lined up with your wet cunt, "Kyle..wait–" he looked at you, his cock dripping precum and an angry red tip. Your breathing got heavier.

"Should we think about this?" I looked away, mumbling, "Why?" he groaned.

"You got bigger" I felt my cheek heating up, "Bigger?" he had a smile on his face, "this?" he pointed at it. He took my hand, putting it on his dick, as he guide me through stroking his cock, it was big like the cucumbers the kitchen ladies pick from the garden.

"Fuck~" he groaned, closing his eyes. "I should cum on your little face right now" he taunted, more dribbles of cum coming out. He was like a leaky faucet. "Alright, you ready" he lined with me, leaning to my ear and whispering. I felt his fingers spreading my pussy lips apart, "Yes, please..kyle make me yours" I moaned before putting my arms around his back and pushing him closer to me. Feeling his dick into you, as you moaned in impact.

His hips collided with yours, putting your back on the bed. Taking my hands off of him, before holding your legs close to your chest. Feeling him shifting closer to me, his hips with mine. "Fuck" A wonton of moans coming out of your lips. "Fuck, your tight" he groaned, "How can a king have such a dirty mouth" You teased, before pushing your back to the soft mattress. Your lips, and his crashing together. His hips stop stopping, feeling his dick touching your cervix. As his hands touched your clit, making you feel hot. His hands touched you in places he shouldn't as he touched your breast, rolling his hands on your nipples, making you moan out.

His touch made you flustered, feeling a warm sensation in your stomach. A wave hit you again, liquid coming out of you. His dick abused your pussy as you gripped the sheets underneath you, turning your head to the side. The curtains weren't closed, making your heart beat more. You couldn't focus on Kyle's moans being heard. Feeling his hands on your waist, flipping you over, "Ass up" He growled.

You obeyed, putting your head down and your ass up in the air, as you felt his hand on it. Before going back thrusting his dick into you.

Your legs getting tired, as you dipped your body down. His hands gripping your hips keeping them up, "HAah~" You moaned. "Kyle.." You whined, "Be a good girl for me" he whispered into my ear, feeling his balls on my ass. He took your arm, as you held his. As he thrusts up into you, you moaned out. More waves of pleasure coming through you.

"I'm going to cum" He groans, "Hold on, Kyle..wait" He stopped, as took his dick out of you, "Lemme satisfy you, please" Pushing him onto the mattress, lifting yourself onto his dick, you bit your lips, before rolling your hips. You looked down at him, his face red. He was stimulated a lot. Moving your hips quickly, his hands on your hips. Helping speed up his orgasm, "Fuck" He groaned.

Before you felt hot loads coming into you. Your body shaking as he filled you up. His hands gripping harsher to you, you knew it was going to leave marks. Feeling tired, as shook before him, "God" he groaned, you almost fell to the side, before he held you still. Falling down on his chest, his hands still on your hips.

"Kyle.." You breathed out, "I—I love you" You traced his chest, his body was like some Greek statue, muscular and lean but just right. His hands rubbed your back, "I love you too, Y/N" He said, "Wait, you cummed in me" A panic set in you, as you looked at him, "Maybe you can bare me a son" He chuckled, "Kyle!" You exclaimed, laying back down on his chest.

"Marriage first, my king" You flickered my eyes down, feeling shy around despite doing the birds and bees. He picked up my hand and put it with his, as he measured hand sizes, rubbing my fingers.

"A perfect ring for a beautiful queen," he said, You giggled, smiling at his words.

Your heart really did belong to him, your body, soul, and heart to him, and you didn't think of any other candidate to allow to pregnant you, just him.

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bluelikebruises · 1 year

Text

blue bird cries pt.2 || aegon ii targaryen

Aegon II Targaryen/TargaryenF!Reader summary: months after aegon's drunken outburt, rhaenyra comes with a question that is bound to change your life. <the hearing and dinner scene> wc: 8.7k tw: aegon targaryen, incest (cause yknow targaryen's) reader is aegon's half sister, unhealthy relationship, angst, bittersweet ending, implied smut, a bit unrealistic because i’m delusional, canon divergence, slight ooc helaena, idk how land inheritance works. part one here!

a/n: there was supposed to be two versions of this but i kept re-writing & re-writing, i wrote about four different versions & hated all of them. except this one of course :) isn't proofread because if i stared at my laptop screen any longer my eyes would melt . enjoy. also! finishing some oneshots for tlous & hotd, so stick around for that taglist: @bibli0thecary

☆━━━━☆━━━━☆

Two seasons had nearly passed, and though you and Aegon disappeared from each other's lives, Aemond and Helaena had become ever more present in yours. A kinship which you hadn’t accounted for, never imagining you would become close to Helaena. Not after all those years of almost ignoring one another—of feeling guilty for being in love with her husband.

But when one day you were studying in the gardens and she asked to join you, how could you say no? It became a ritual after that, moving from the gardens, to your chambers, to hers, and eventually Aemond’s. You all huddled over your laps, tables, chairs—there was never a surface you found difficult to balance your books upon.

There were times when you would convince both of them to stop studying, Aemond would always argue but Helaena would eagerly agree to whatever you proposed. Aemond outnumbered could do nothing but adhere to you both. Nights were spent eating chocolates, dancing, and gossiping about the Lords and Ladies at court. Helaena at first did not see the fun in gossip but after Aemond let out a curse word her eyes widened and she giggled and joined in. Her gossip included the horrible embroidery and fashion she saw that day, which you could talk about for hours. While Aemonds was a bit more on the politics of those in court, one subject he hated the most was the Lanisters.

“Ser Tyland seems to have taken a liking to you”

You scrunch your face in disgust, “Does he not have a lady wife in Casterly Rock?” you asked already knowing the answer.

Helaena let out a fake gasp, “Oh the treachery”

You laughed, “No Ser Tyland please do not cast your lady wife aside for little me” dramatically you placed your hand on your head for a pleading effect. Helaena laughed, Aemond smiled and let out a chuckle.

Other nights you would practice braiding each other's hair, while Aemond sat in the corner of whatever room you were in reading. Once you had convinced him to let you braid his hair without arguing he agreed, sharpening a dagger as you and Helaena braided away.

You grew to love spending time with Helaena, she always found the most simple things intricate and fascinating. Always timid when someone new arrived at court, always in her own world which now you consider yourself lucky to be able to be a part of. Sometimes you would even look after Helaena’s twins—your nephew and niece, Jaehaerys and Jaehaera. Though it troubled you to watch them alone, they resembled Aegon more when Helaena wasn’t present. They were living breathing proof of Aegon’s commitment, of his marriage to Helaena. A cruel joke by life, if you were not to love Aegon you would love the pieces of him.

━━☆━━

The night before Rhaenyra’s arrival the three—five counting the twins—of you were in your chambers. You had pushed all the furniture towards the walls and adorned the floor with pillows, furs, and quilts.

Aemond sat upon your fur covered floor with his back pressed against the couch you had not moved. Helaena leaned against him as she embroidered, occasionally glancing up to see the twins. Your head lay leisurely on her lap enjoying the quiet fuss of the children.

Months ago the mere thought of Helaena and everything she stood for was enough to bring you to tears but as you laid your head on her lap none of that seemed to matter. The afflictions of a young girl in love shattered to pieces when presented with sisterhood.

Your bubble of peace burst when your chamber doors opened, Ser Criston stepped in announcing the presence of the Queen and none other than Prince Aegon.

At the mention of his name you freeze, with a heavy heart you refuse to look at him. Your heart filled with regret and guilt at the words you had spat at him. Instead you focus solely on the Queen whose presence still after many years caused you to stiffen. You stood and bowed as your siblings didn’t even blink.

“Mother,” Aemond greeted her.

“Your highness” you politely greeted as she smiled at you. Regardless of how many times she tried to convince you to plainly call her step-mother or simply mother, you always insisted she was Queen before she could ever be your mother. But of course to your siblings she was their mother first, any royal title always came second or even last.

“Good, you're all here,” she spoke. From behind her two servants emerged taking the children with them.

You rose from the floor to sit on the couch, refusing to acknowledge the Prince.

“There will be a hearing on the morrow, Vaemond Velaryon has called into question the validity of Lucerys Velaryon position as heir to Driftmark”

Puzzled, you almost asked what exactly there was to question. But Helaena rested her head on your lap and Aemond placed a hand on your knee which shook you from your thoughts. A move they had done many times before when they did not want you to be upset.

You think of asking regardless of your siblings' strategic move but your eyes betray you, shifting to steal a glance at Aegon. Your thoughts stop as your eyes meet his, heat rises in your throat and for a brief moment you longed for the feel of his hands around you again.

Following his line of sight you find him staring at both Helaena’s head and Aemond’s hand. Touches so insignificant yet they were a display of affection you would never be able to share with him.

The Queen spoke, “I expect you all present,” she directed towards her children, “As always Princess you are more than welcomed to join us” she said to you.

Respectfully you nod, thinking about your sister's homecoming. Her return after six years and she was returning under the most distressing circumstances.

“Good, good” she comments looking over at the three of you. She smiled, and took her leave. As she left the room you assumed Aegon would follow but he stood still as the doors closed. You looked towards Aemond who seemed unfazed by his brother’s presence.

For a moment you allow yourself to set your eyes on Aegon again, a smirk lined his lips. And though you knew he hated you, you couldn’t help but admire him. Taken by his eyes a sorrow hid beneath them, his lips that were always tainted by the wine he sipped, his perfectly disheveled hair that framed his face. In a blink you look away trying your best to portray your annoyance with his presence, because though you regretted your words nothing good would come from looking the least bit remorseful.

You tried to occupy yourself by running your fingers through Helaena’s hair, every strand you stroked felt softer than the last. Feeling Aemond lean towards you, your petting stops looking to see him raising his book to you. He had done this many times, indicating he wanted to share something he read with you. Sometimes they were poems, philosophical passages, or historical facts regardless you always happily read them.

The chance to read the passage was stolen by Aegon’s words, “Perhaps you three should try to not so accusingly look like a harem”

All the beauty that you admired moments earlier had dissipated as you rolled your eyes.

Aemond placed the book down and looked at his brother, “Perhaps you should try to not so accusingly look like you're in need of a bath. Or do you not know how to bathe? In that case simply ask the servants for help”

Helaena giggled as she buried her head into your lap trying her best to stifle her laugh. It was a childish jab and yet you laughed silently covering your mouth with your hand. You could see Aegon’s eyes drop unamused, leaving your chambers without a fuss.

“Do you suppose he’ll go bathe?” you jokingly ask.

━━☆━━

The day of Rhaenyra’s arrival you had tried to round the royal family to meet her, but your search was to no avail; none of them appeared to be on the grounds of the castle. Though truthfully you hadn’t looked for Aegon.

As you waited for Rhaenyra your annoyance with the Hightowers grew. Your siblings, following suit of their mother, did not care for the arrival of their eldest sister. How could the Queen so deliberately ignore your sister's arrival? It was an act of irreverence towards the future Queen that neither you or Rhaenyra would soon forget.

Your annoyance was interrupted by the sound of hooves and the entrance gate rising. Her arrival was met with you standing by the entrance gate alone; your only companions were the King’s Guard stationed outside.

Watching the carriage stop before you caused excitement to bubbled in your stomach, Rhaenyra was finally here. As she stepped out of the carriage, you shared hugs and kisses.

More were shared with her small clan, filled with nephews, niece, and your uncle.

After greetings you tried explaining the lackluster arrival party, but she simply grabbed your hands reassuringly. Your nephews and niece departed to explore the Red Keep and you led Rhaenyra and Daemon to your fathers room.

“‘Tis only been some years and you have grown so beautifully” Rhaenyra said.

“You flatter me sister,” you smile, “But if you think I’ve grown, you should see my dragon” you smile thinking fondly of the winged creature.

Your uncle laughs, “And what is the formidable beast’s name again?”

“Red Wing” you smiled, “But the Dragon Keepers sometimes refer to him as—”

“The Crimson Terror” he finishes. Truthfully your dragon was no terror, he was simply spoiled and moody. But you would never admit that preferring to have everyone believe he was frightening monstrosity.

Still you nodded and there was a pause in the conversation as the three of you turned the hallway. You suppose neither of them knew how to speak to you—or you to them—years of separation had left you feeling like strangers. Perhaps under better circumstances you could have grown to know them once again. You had very few memories with your uncle, but you remember fondly all the times spent with Rhaenyra before she married and had children.

“Have they been kind to you?” she asked.

They in question being the Hightowers, the Queen and the Hand

You nodded, “Her highness has always been gracious towards me, the Hand pays me no mind”

“That cunt” Daemon says. You try your best to hide the laugh that threatened to spill out.

“He’s occupied with the good of the realm” you say sneeringly.

Daemon catches on, “Always so courteous, even when mocking someone” he smiles at you.

“Father says discretion is key”

“Does he?” Rhaenyra asked.

“He used to, after you left”. You had never once brought up her departure even in the short time you corresponded through ravens. Up until your twelve name day it was a sore subject. You had been inconsolable the first year, always being on the verge of tears whenever someone brought up Rhaenyra. Begging your father to allow you to visit her and yet he never did. It wasn’t until years later that you learned why, you suppose it was the milk of the poppy that got it out of him. But regardless he confessed that he feared you would go mad with grief upon your return. A part of you sympathized with his decision, another was filled with anger. Years of separation from your sister simply because of the fears of madness.

“Ah” she acknowledges her departure, “It was with a heavy heart that I left” a frown is on her face.

“I know. I hold no resentment towards you” you smile.

At your words she returns your smile, reaching to grab your hand, “Your presence is longed for in Dragonstone,” she squeezes, “You do remember that it is to be yours once I am Queen. It would do you good for you to familiarize yourself with it”

The thought of visiting Dragonstone sounded exciting, considering how you used to sob for it. And the only time you had left King’s Landing was for Laena Velaryon’s funeral, which wasn’t the fondest memory.

“Are you suggesting a visit?” you ask excitedly.

She smiled—a full smile, “More of a permanent residency”

Oh, her words caught you by surprise, you never imagined or thought of leaving the Red Keep. You knew Dragonstone was to be yours one day, but never gave a second thought to the reality that you would in fact one day reside there. You assumed Rhaenyra would become Queen and you would simply stay in the Red Keep, for what business did you have in Dragonstone? A whole sea away from your father and siblings.

“A generous offer but—”

She interrupted, “Give it some thought”

On the arrival to the King’s quarters you excused yourself, kissing them both goodbye. Retreating to your chambers you thought of perhaps looking for your siblings but you knew you would not find them, Aemond and Helaena resembled ghosts in that way. Moving through walls without a sound and only showing themselves when they wanted to be seen.

In your chambers you thought of your Rhaenyra’s offer, of how drastically your life would change if you accepted. Of the distance that would keep you from your siblings, you had just grown close to Helaena how would you be able to leave her? Or Aemond who you had a soft spot ever since you were children.

You wish you could say Aegon was not a part of your decision making, but thoughts of him crept into your head—for a brief moment you wished to stay solely to be able to lay your eyes on him. Even if his eyes stared back filled with hate and disdain.

Thoughts of your father began to flood your mind. How devastating it would be were he to die and neither of his eldest daughters were by his side.

His voice rang in your head, remembering one of his many lectures. Where he would boast of the Targaryen legacy and the weight of the crown.

“You have a duty to the Realm, a duty to your house”

What is duty if not serving the ones you love? And your love for family cut deeply, a love so sharp no sword in the Seven Kingdom could compare. You knew regardless of your decision you were going to bleed.

“A Targaryen must always reside in Dragonstone”

━━☆━━

The night was spent thinking, you had all but made up your mind as you entered the Great Hall.

The hearing was to start in a matter of moments, you walked greeting the Lord’s and Ladies of court. Who were here for no other reason than for a show, to watch your family momentarily stumble or if they got lucky, fall and become ordinary like the rest of them.

In a matter of moments you stood at the front of the hall next to your sister and uncle, your nephews and niece standing behind you.

“Let us get this over with” Daemon huffed in annoyance.

Standing next to Rhaenyra you spoke in hushed voices, she was insistent this was a ruse. By stripping Lucerys’ claim as heir to Driftmark they were questioning the legitimacy of her own claim. She was sure Vaemond and the Hand had aligned themselves and created this plan. And though you tried hard to pay attention to her words, the only thing you could think about was whether you had made the right choice or not. Selfish thoughts on a day that was detrimental to your sister and your house.

Though you were deep into the conversation with Rhaenyra the arrival of your siblings had not gone unnoticed by you. Thoughts of uncertainness were briefly paused as the same annoyance from yesterday crawled up your skin. You spotted Aegon trailing behind Aemond and Helaena.

You wanted to walk over and question why they had not been present upon Rhaenyra’s arrival.

But couldn’t talk to them in good conscience knowing you were teetering with the possibility of leaving. And a hearing that called into question the legitimacy of your nephew was no place to inform them.

Besides there was a part of you that knew why none of the Hightowers had shown up. The rivalry between Alicent and Rhaenyra was one that had grown roots and solidified itself over the years. A rivalry you knew was encouraged by Otto and had been passed down to their children and because you were neither of their children you did not participate in their hostility and aversion.

When a silence washed over the throne room you braced yourself for what was to come. The thick doors of the hall opened revealing Vaemond and his banner men. Vaemond walked into the Great Hall with an aura of unbotheredness and ease, almost as if he knew he would come out victorious.

When he began his petition you watched your sister and uncle, both of their brows pressed tightly on their faces. Jace and Lucerys stood behind them, little Lucerys doing his best to keep his head held high. The longer you looked at them, the easier the decision seemed.

You wish you could say you were attentively listening to the concession before you but you would be lying. Your attention was stolen by Aegon, who did nothing but stand besides Aemond looking bored, tired, and unimpressed. You stared at the intricacies that were the features on his face wondering what he was thinking, if he was thinking at all.

As your eyes raked over him his eyes stared back, in a blink your eyes were at the front of the room. Refusing to meet his gaze pretending you were not just gawking at him during one of the most important meetings of your sister's life.

To make sure neither your gaze or thoughts slipped towards Aegon you slid next to Lucerys. Who you were sure was nervous about the current proceeding, alleviating some of his nervousness would do you both some good.

Just as Rhaenyra began her petition the doors of the throne room opened, guards announced the arrival of your father.

Any thoughts you had before were pushed to the side as your benevolent father who by some miracle or sheer will made his way into the room. In slow strides he approached the Iron Throne.His arrival had taken the room by surprise but no one looked more surprised than Vaemond, who looked between Otto and the approaching King.

The King had some trouble walking up to the throne, dismissing the guards who tried to help him and as your uncle helped him up the petition continued. At the wishes of Rhaenys the King reaffirmed Lucerys claim as heir to Driftmark. You smiled at your nephew reaching for his hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

Vaemond of course was displeased and didn’t bother hiding it, his words were filled with venom and hatred. Daemon was staring daggers at the man, fire burned in his veins, you were sure of it. Then you caught his eyes landing on Rhaenyra, they glanced at one another in a blink she gave him a small nod. If you did not know her as well as you do, you would have thought nothing of it. Was it a nod of approval? of permission? Of agreement? There was no time to wonder as Vaemond angrily spun and pointed at Lucerys.

”That is no true Velaryon”

You moved in front of Luce, shielding him from Vaemond.

“And certainly no nephew of mine”

Rhaenyra ordered the boys return to their chambers but neither of them moved.

“You have said enough” she directed at Vaemond.

“Lucerys is my true born grandson, and you no more then the second son of Driftmark”

“You may run your house as you see fit but you will not decide the future of mine. My house survived the Doom and a thousand tribulations besides” he turned towards Lucerys but when his eyes did not land on him he looked at you. His eyes bore into yours as you refused to stand down, refused to give him access to view your nephew.

“And gods be damned I will not see it ended on the account of this—“

There was a pause in not just his words but the room as well. Then the words boomed out of Vaemond’s mouth. Bastards, a whore. Your eyes widened, the room was stunned. Lucerys hand became an anchor, for if not you would have pounced on Vaemond and tore him to bits.

“I will have your tongue”

Then in one swift movement Daemon was behind Vaemond, his sword in his hand. In a blink you saw red and half of the man's head on the floor.

Finally able to pull your eyes away from the corpse you made sure your nephews and niece were okay. They looked shocked, a bit shaken but good nonetheless. Your eyes made their way to the other side of the room where your siblings stood. Helaena looked frightened, Aemond intrigued his eye following Daemon, Aegon looked shocked, his eyes on the body then for a second time during the hearing caught yours.

“He can keep his tongue” Daemon wiped the blood off Dark Sister, quickly guards surrounded him.

“No need” he nonchalantly wiped the blood of Dark Sister returning to Rhaenyra’s side.

You had heard stories of your uncle’s rash behavior from your father before, but hearing about it and witnessing were different things.

━━☆━━

Dinner came in the short hours after the sun had set. Candles and torches lit the dining room, light chatter was being swapped by all as everyone anticipated the arrival of the King.

You stood with your nephews and their soon to be brides, chatting about how their travels had fared them, how life was in Dragonstone and King’s Landing, and how they wished they could see you more.

Though you had enjoyed your life in the Red Keep you missed your nephews. Their little faces and big eyes, all but nearly convinced you to take permanent residency in Dragonstone.

Looking forward you spot Rhaenyra in her seat, she looked rigid and uncomfortable looking straight ahead. Coincidentally the Queen was seated in the same manner, they both looked awkward and stiff. You knew words went unsaid between them, how could they not since the last time they saw one another was the night Aemond lost his eye and the Queen cut Rhaenyra.

The doors of the hall opened, guards stepped in carrying your father on top of his chair. Everyone stood with their hands clasped in respect for the King.

As everyone sat the tension in the hall could be cut with a butcher's knife. You wished to sit beside Rhaenyra but knew you couldn’t due to her husband. It seemed every couple in the room was sitting side by side. The only exception to this couplet seating arrangement were you and Aemond. You had assumed you would be sitting next to one another since neither of you were wed, but there was no chair beside Aemond. The last empty chair sat right in front of your father, of all seats in between Jace and Aegon.

Rasp coated your fathers voice as he spoke, “How good it is,” he inhaled, “to see you all tonight, together” he looked at everyone around the table. You smiled as his eye landed on yours. His sight of the table ended as he longfully stared at Rhaenyra. Who held his gaze until the Queen looked at her, her eyes shifted to the intricate spread that was on the table before her.

“Prayer before we begin?” asked the Queen. Leaning into her your father agreed

You had grown accustomed to the overcompensation of the Queen ever since the night of the incident. To lessen the rumors that she was mad she began to worship The Seven, heavily. Their symbols began to become increasingly prevalent all throughout the Red Keep. You simply went along with it considering your father did not care, perhaps due to his old age. But if it didn’t bother him, it didn’t bother you.

“This is an occasion for celebration, it seems. My grandsons Jace and Luke, will marry their cousins, Baela and Rhaena,” your nephews and their bride smiled gleefully, “Further strengthening the bond between our houses. A toast to the young Princes . . . and their betrothed”

You lifted your cup smiling at the couples.

“Hear, Hear!” your uncle Daemon says.

Placing your cup on the table Aegon leaned towards you, your body tensed at his closeness. Unsure of what to expect, you didn’t move. So when he acted as if you weren’t there and pestered Jace you nearly pushed him away.

Nearly, pushing Aegon would require your hand to touch his chest. An act so miniscule, that wouldn’t mean anything to most, a shove, a push, it was an ordinary action. Yet touching him felt like an illicit affair.

“Well done, Jace. You’ll finally get to lie with a woman”

You roll your eyes at his words thinking about how unbelievable he was. Baela looked at Aegon disapprovingly, as if to ask him what his nerve was. Quite aggressively Jace set his wine cup down, ready to retaliate but your father spoke.

A toast was called in honor of Lucerys, forgetting about Aegon’s crude words you picked your cup enthusiastically towards Luce.

Watching your nephew you thought if he could accept his role as heir to Driftmark at his young age, surely you could accept your own fate.

Your thoughts of your fate were cut short as again Aegon leaned over, you swallowed every fiber in your body telling you to push him away. Inciting violence was not what you wanted to do on this night. You looked around the table to see if anyone noticed, no one batted an eye except Aemond.

“You do know how the act is done, I assume? At least in principle? Where to put your cock and all that”

Aegon never did know when his jokes were in bad taste. Always poking and prodding until he got an explosive reaction from the other person.

“Let it be cousin”

“You can play the jester if you wish, but hold your tongue before my betrothed and my aunt”

You smiled at Jace’s act of protection, the gentleman that he was.

“Hm. Your aunt” Aegon said as if contemplating the concept of the word.

You shot him a glare annoyed at his stupidity and his little verbal stunt, “Perhaps it would be best if you returned to your dinner little brother”, you forced a polite smile. His eyes looked up at yours before he turned his attention to his cup of wine.

Your father’s cane hit the floor, and you saw him struggling to stand, his breaths heavy and strained.

“It both gladdens my heart and fills me with sorrow to see these faces around the table, the faces most dear to me in all the world . . . yet grown so distant from each other in years past” he looked down trying to remove his mask, struggling. A look of unease painted the Queen’s face as if bugs were crawling up her skin. The mask dropped onto the table with a ‘clunk’.

You had only once seen him without the mask once, the night you had sat at his bedside reading. You thought he could not hear you, but as you mispronounced a word he laughed. Asking if you had always pronounced it that way, sheepishly you admit you had. He laughed in a way you hadn’t heard in years. In all his movement the mask slid down his face onto the bed, barely holding onto his face. He asked you to not be frightened by his appearance, you told him you never would.

Free of the mask he turned to look towards Rhaenyra’s side of the room; they all started silently. If they were alarmed or frightened they didn’t show. Turning to your step mother’s side you saw Aegon’s head dip, not daring to look at your father, you almost laughed. Helaena kept her eyes on her fingers, Aemond stared eagerly; he always was captivated by the macabre.

“My own face . . . is no longer a handsome one . . . if indeed it ever was. But tonight I wish you to see me as I am. Not just a king but your father, your brother” he turned towards Daemon, “Your husband . . . and your grandsire. Who may not it seems walk for much longer among you. Let us no longer hold ill feelings in our hearts. The crown cannot stand strong if the House of the Dragon remains divided. But set aside your grievances. If not for the sake of the crown then for the sake of this old man, who loves you all, so dearly”, he sat back down practically falling onto his seat.

The room stilled until Rhaenyra stood with her cup raised.

“I wish to raise my cup to Her Grace, the Queen” she looked towards her, “I love my father. But I must admit that no one has stood more loyally by his side than his good wife” she paused, “She has tended to him with unfailing devotion, love, and honor. And for that she has my gratitude and my apology”

Her words took you by surprise, it had been years since the Queen and Princess spoke to one another, least of all kindly.

“Your graciousness moves me deeply, Princess. We are both mothers and we love our children. We have more in common than we sometimes allow” she stood, “I raise my cup to you and to your house” and as if the words were hard to say she paused, “You will make a fine Queen”

Happily surprised you smiled at Rhaenyra, you hoped their cups were a step in the right direction, perhaps a hopeful future lay in front of them.

“To the Queen and the Princess” you raised your cup drinking from it as did everyone. Aegon practically downed his cup, then he glanced over to you, you pretended not to notice. Even when he stood and walked in between Jace and Baela, Aemond’s eye followed him.

With every brief look at Aemond or Helaena, you wondered when it was best to tell them about the decision that laid at your feet. To involve them in your decision would alleviate your guilt, but it would also mean they would try to convince you to stay.

Your thought came to a sudden stop as Jace stood slamming his fist against the table. You hadn’t heard what Aegon had said but you knew it was unrefined. When Jace cleared his throat Aemond stood, the table quieted, all eyes looking at them both.

Inhaling Jace grabbed his cup, “To Prince Aegon and Prince Aemond. We have not seen eachother in years, but I have fond memories of our shared youth. And as men, I hope we may yet be friends and allies. To you and your family’s good health, dear uncles”

“To you as well,” Aegon said annoyed, sinking back into his seat.

Turning to Jace you laugh, “Nicely done” you made sure to say it loud enough that Aegon would hear you.

Then Helaena stood, it seemed everyone was raising their cups tonight. Aegon sat forward with his hands clasped as his head rested on them, clearly embarrassed by Helaena. Gods if you could strangle him you would.

“I would like to toast to Baela and Rhaena. They’ll be married soon. It isn’t so bad. Mostly he just ignores you” Aegon vexed, didn’t bothering to look at her, “except sometimes when he’s drunk”

You heard the laugh of your uncle clear as day, which caused you to laugh.

“Let us have some music”

Jace stood asking Helaena to dance, she looked up to Jace who had his hand out then to you almost as if asking if she should. You smiled in response then she smiled and took Jace’s hand.

As Helaena stood you caught Aegon rolling his eyes, his jaw tightening as if upset.

His own upsetness almost made you roll your eyes. The hypocrisy of Aegon to claim all Helaena was good for was bearing his children and yet be upset by a simple dance.

Feeling brave and in the mood to serve Aegon a taste of his own medicine you tease him, “Come now little brother cheer up, ‘tis not like you would ever dance with your lady-wife”

He didn’t look at you, his eyes looked everywhere but you.

“Yes but she is mine. Perhaps you’ve forgotten with the whispering you three get up too” he sipped from his cup as he looked at Aemond.

“Jealous little brother? That we have stolen our sister from you” he didn’t respond. You smiled leaning back into the wooden chair.

His lack of response solidified that you had gotten under his skin.

Your fathers painful moans echoed through the hall, guards quickly came and took him away, Out of respect for the King you stood along with Rhaenyra and Daemon.

“Please, sit” the Queen begged.

You didn’t listen as you saw Lucerys from the corner of your eye snickering. Following his eyesight you saw Aemond with a roasted pig in front of him, immediately you understood.

Aemond slammed his fist against the table as he stood, Jace and Helaena stopped their dance.

“Aemond”, you shook your head. He looked at you but his stubbornness never allowed him to listen.

“Final tribute” his cup raised everyone's eyes on him, “To the health of my nephews: Jace, Luke, and Joffrey. Each of them handsome, wise,” he paused and you could feel it, his next words would be no good, “Strong”

“Aemond,” the Queen pleaded.

The room had gone momentarily still.

“Come, let us drain our cups to these three . . .” enthusiastically Aegon raised his cup in the air, “Strong boys”

“I dare you to say that again,” Jace threatened.

“Why? ‘Twas only a compliment”

Angrily they both approached each other. You almost laughed thinking about how you did not want to cause a scene during dinner and there Aemond was; causing a scene. In a blink Jace hit Aemond square in the jaw, beside you Lucerys rose, Aegon followed towards him they were both out for blood. Immediately you follow Aegon, seeing him grab Lucerys and throw him against the table towering over him.

“Aegon that is enough!” you heard the Queen say.

You grabbed Aegon pulling him off your nephew, digging your nails into his skin.

“Don’t touch him,” you snapped. You stood in front of Lucery's protectively as Aegon retreated with a smirk and his hands held up.

“Looks like the princess has come to your rescue. Again, first Vaemond and now I” he snickered, “Is the princess going to hold your hand again? Can’t fight your own battles, nephew?”

“Pay him no mind Lucerys, he’s a drunk and now it appears also a coward”

His hands came first and you almost think there will be a repetition of what occurred in his chambers. But instead his hand grabs your face, his index and thumb squishing your lips together as his fingers pressed against your cheek. His hands were made of an iron grip, you could feel his middle finger under your chin.

“Watch your tongue, sister,” he warned. His eyes filled with a different rage than you remember, grief was woven into his anger. His lips stained red from the wine, gods did you want to taste it.

“Perhaps you should release the princess, lest you do not care to keep your hands”, Daemon said, looming behind you. Aegon kept his eyes on you, they quickly trailed to your lips as his hand dropped. With a final look he turned and retreated to the opposite side of the room.

Baela and Rhaena stood ready to lunge at Aegon, luckily for him two guards held them back. Lucerys moved towards his brother both ready to fight their uncle’s, guards also restrained them

Checking on both your nieces you hadn’t heard what Aemond had begun to say.

“Though it seems my nephews aren’t quite as proud of theirs” he stalked towards Jace who had freed himself from the guards' grasp and stalked towards Aemond.

“Wait, wait!” called Daemon, stepping in front of a charging Jace. With no other option Jace retreated back.

“Go to your quarters. All of you, now”, Rhaenyra commanded before looking at you, “Pack your belongings we leave at sunrise” It wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order. The decision had been made for you and you understood why, there was too much animosity between your opposing families. Rhaenyra would no longer allow you to be caught in the center, you had been in the Red Keep without her for far too long.

You nodded and with a heavy heart retreated to your chambers, unable to meet anyone's gaze. The walk to your chambers was sullen and with your head hung low you pushed open your doors.

Afraid of the sadness that would engulf you at the thoughts of leaving both Aemond and Helaena you began to pack quickly. Tossing clothing onto your bed, emptying drawers by shaking them, piling your favorite books by your feet.

The hour was quite late when you had finally gotten about half of your items packed. A sigh left your lips looking at the pile you still needed to sort through.

But before you could even begin the doors to your chambers burst open. Rushing in was Aemond and Helaena both looking angry and distraught.

“You’re leaving?” Helaena spoke first looking at the mess of dresses, riding outfits, books and trinkets that laid on your bed.

“What is the meaning of this?” he looked at you, “You planned to leave? And with no intention of telling us?”

“I was—I was. But then dinner turned into—I wasn’t even sure whether my departure was permanent or not” you alluded and his eye momentarily looked to the floor, “I just forgot”

“How long have you known?” Aemond asked.

You take a breath, “Rhaenyra proposed the thought on the morning of her arrival” you say twiddling with your fingers

He scoffs, his mouth agape in disbelief, “Since when has she cared about your position as heir? When was the last time you received ravens from her? Or gifts for your name day? She abandoned and forgot all about you”

“Aemond,’tis my duty as heir of Dragonstone” you try to reason, not wanting them to be upset with you.

He shakes his head, “No, I will not stand for this”

Helaena neared, your name gently falling from her mouth as she took your hands. She smiled at you, “If you want Aegon, have him. Please just stay”

Your once beating heart stopped, your blood ran cold, shocked, your eyes widened at her words. Never once did you dare think anyone least of all Helaena knew of your transgressions with Aegon. How foolish of you to think Helaena was blind to it all. To your sudden cold shoulder and avoidance of Aegon. Of course she knew, still you wonder if she knew of the kiss—of the love confession—of Aegon’s hands wrapped around your throat.

“You think I have not noticed the longing looks that wash over your faces. He's my oldest brother I will always love him, but as a husband I hold no love for him”

There was no time to process her words because as if on cue the doors to your chambers opened, revealing Aegon. A laugh almost escaped your lips, surely the gods were playing a gag on you.

His eyes raked through your chambers searching for answers, “So it is true then, you are to leave?” he asked

“Yes” you simply say

“So our eldest sister can just show up and pluck you from us”

Us. Since when was there an us?

“She is not plucking me” you retorted defensively.

He narrows his eyes and tilts his head, “She has convinced you to leave under the guise of heritage”

“A heritage that is also yours”

“Hardly”

Your eyes shifted but their’s never did, all eyes were on you and it made you want to crawl into a hole and never return. Desperation, hurt, and betrayal painted their faces.Unable to handle it you plead, “This is my duty. Why can’t any of you see that, we all have a duty, this is mine”

“You think your duty is to live in that desolate hellscape?” Aegon snapped.

“That desolate hellscape is our ancestral home and I have been chosen to maintain the tradition, it was bound to be one of us”

He scoffs, “She’s using you and you are too blind to see it. You’re nothing but a pawn in her game. A means to an end”

Your eyes narrow ready to unleash another berate of words at him, but Aemond cuts in.

“He’s right”

For a third time in the night your eyes widen. Disbelief at the word that came from Aemond’s mouth. Aemond who would roll his eyes whenever Aegon entered a room, who never took anything he said seriously and who certainly never agreed with him.

“Rhaenyra only beacons you to Dragonstone to show strength in her claim as heir”

“There is strength in the claim it is the King’s proclamation”

Aegon rolled his eyes and Aemond huffed turning away from you. Your eyes caught Helaena’s, she looked worriedly at you.

“Do you believe I am a means to an end?”

“There is a reason for everything” she plainly stated

You were not blind to politics, you knew how her invitation would look to all those who whispered about Rhaenyra in the halls. It would appear to be a strategic ploy since having you by her side showed that you supported her right to rule. You didn’t ponder if there was any truth in the thought. You had thought about it all night before the hearing but a part of you desperately wanted to believe the invitation was genuine, that Rhaenyra had your best interest in mind. That she was not just beckoning you because it would benefit her.

To hear your siblings so openly agreeing that they thought you were being used both angered and saddened you. They had never been kind to Rhaenyra, never gave her a second thought yet they stood in your chambers declaring she was using you for her own means.

“Out. All of you” they didn’t move, “Get out!”

Helaena was the first to react, she visibly recoiled at your shout, her eyebrows raised as she looked at Aemond who looked at you once more before leading Helaena out.

Aegon followed but instead of exiting he closed the doors, turning towards you, “I have left you alone to gallivant with our brother and my wife and yet you still punish me”

“My departure is not your punishment, there is no punishment”

“And still you injure me” he enunciates every word, his hands pointing inward at himself.

You sigh, like his drunken stupor Aegon was no better sober–no more understanding or thoughtful.

“Injure you?” you laugh, “You wrapped your hands around my throat, you cut off my breathing and yet you speak of injury”

Guilt washed over you knowing you were in no position to chastise him, but his belief that his hurt out weighed yours angered you.

His eyes shifted to the rings on his fingers twiddling them,“T’was a regretful incident”, his eyes slowly came back to yours. There was glint in them, regret perhaps the facing of a truth he was denying.

You don’t respond, continuing to sort through your items. A moment passed before either of you spoke.

“Are you to leave and never return? Is this the last night I will lay my eyes on you?”

“Of course not, I’ll return for Rhaenyra’s coronation, for name day celebrations, festivities, hearings”

His eyes harden, “And who’s to live with you in Dragonstone after our sister and her clan return to King's Landing?”

You freeze, his question had caught you by surprise, you hadn’t even thought that far ahead.

“Will you reside alone with nothing but servants to keep you company?” He takes a step towards you standing on the opposite side of your bed.

“Alone or not I will be fulfilling my duty”

He laughs, “You speak of duty yet if you truly cared about your self-proclaimed duty you would be wed by now”

Your patience was running thin and emotions high, “And who am I supposed to wed Aegon? Some Lord who sees me as an opportunity to be close to the crown. Marriage may mean nothing to you but I will wed someone I love”

His head drops towards the floor before it raises again, “Did you not confess to me in my chambers?”

You scoff, “I confessed because your hands were around my throat, because I could not breathe”

“You have never been a good liar”

Of course you knew that, but to stand before Aegon and confess your love again would add to your betrayal and how could you do that to Helaena again when she knew. Your treachery would stop at allowing Aegon’s lips to fall on yours, you would not make the same mistake twice.

“If you are to continue pestering me–I ask that you leave”

He didn’t respond and you didn’t bother looking up, continuing packing your trinkets.

“Did you mean it?”

You look up, taken aback unsure if you had correctly heard him. His eyes stared back at yours searching for answers, they looked almost pleading, pathetic in a divine way.

Opening your mouth to speak felt near impossible while he looked at you, “Aegon . . . “ you pleaded rather roughly.

“I want to hear it from you,” he paused.

“Was once not enough? Must I rip my heart out and show it to you? We are not children anymore this game you are playing has to stop”

“This is not a game to me”

“You treat it as such”, he walks around the bed stepping towards you. His messy hair framed his face like it always did, loose strands falling over his left eye.

When he was close enough that you could reach towards him you thought he would stop but he did not. He kept walking in slow strides, you nearly trip over your own books stepping backwards.

You should have ran, placed some distance between Aegon but you couldn’t move, stuck in a trance that was Aegon’s eyes. A trance that was momentarily broken as your back hit the cold stone wall.

“Don’t go”, his eyes are imploring, so close you could feel his breath on your lips when he spoke. You wanted nothing more than for him to leave, to make your departure easy because the longer he stood before you the faster the self restraint you had held for months began to slip.

His hand came to your face, a finger gently traced your cheek. You turn from him defensively refusing to let him win, to let him see how desperately you longed for his touch.

“Look at me” his fingers came under your chin attempting to move your head. But you protested lifting your head away from his grasp. Again he repeated his action and again you moved pushing his fingers away, moving frantically trying to get away from his touch.

“Look at me,” there’s a sternness in his voice you had never heard before. His eyes were filled with fire, his grip like steel and you are left with no choice but to face him.

With his free hand he brushed hair that had fallen on your face during your struggle. Your eyes locked with his, looking at him felt like being lit by a thousand suns–by the fire that lived within the dragons. With every passing second your resolve was deteriorating, and you did not want to know what would happen when it did.

“Do not leave” he gently brought his second hand to hold your face only this time you didn’t fight him.

The Aegon before you was vastly different then the one you had seen the past couple months. There were no snarky remarks or annoyed looks, there were only distressed words and pleading touches.

“I must”, it was a sullen response.

He shakes his head, “No you do not. Stay”, he's begging.

In return you shake your head.

His hands squeezed your face, “I’ll stay true to Helaena, I will not disturb you” there was a frantic urgency in his voice.

You laugh, “We both know that’s not true”

Perhaps under different circumstances Aegon could change, perhaps if he respected his marriage things would have been different. But there was no changing the man he had grown into.

You place your hands on his in an effort to pull them off but he did not yield. A part of you was glad his touch did not leave, basking in the warmth you would not feel again. There was a pull in your chest the same one you had felt the night of his drunken stupor. You tried to push it down, to swallow it whole but it was far too overwhelming.

He said your name softly, thumbs gently brushing your cheeks. And as his body pressed against yours–you were again teetering dangerously close to falling under his trance. Time seemed to stop as both of you inhaled each other's breaths. Aegon’s head slowly comes closer to yours, his lips a word away.

He paused and all you could think about was how close he was. How far apart the two of you had been up until this moment.

There's a hot slash in your chest and you know immediately what it meant, your string of self restraint was cut. And there was no point in trying to regain hold of it, for it would slip right through your fingers. Any trace of respect and honor for the sanctities of marriage or yourself were gone. You could feel the vines of guilt beginning to climb your body but before they could wrap themselves around, you acted. If you were to scarcely see Aegon for the rest of your life you would take advantage of your last night in the Red Keep.

Pushing every thought and feeling down you press your lips to Aegon’s. He’s taken aback you know because he does not react right away. But quickly he returns your actions without hesitation or pause. His lips moved with yours they tasted of; fruits, meats, and of your failure to stay away.

You should not want this–want him. Not after his actions in the dining hall, not after he so easily strangled you. But as his hands left your face and began to roam over your body you did not care about his previous arrogant behavior.

When your lips parted Aegon wasted no time in tangling his hands in the lace of your dress, his fingers working expertly. His eyes bore down on you, the sadness behind them was gone, replaced with a hunger you had never seen. It should have made you feel small or weak, like a sheep who has been caught in the mouth of a wolf.

But you felt neither small nor weak, not as your fingers found themselves under his shirt. Your cold limbs pressed against his hot skin. You were two hungry dragons waiting to draw blood to sink their teeth into flesh and fill the hungering ache in the pit of your stomachs.

As your lips met again desperately your teeth and tongues clashed. A battle of hands and lips took place, a tugging of lace, cotton, and skin.

While Aegon’s fingers traced down your back and his lips nipped at your skin you paid no mind to the regret that would eat you alive tomorrow. The shame that would haunt you every time you close your eyes as the image of Helaena was conjured up by your mind. Your little sisters pleading eyes as she handed her husband over to you on a silver platter all so you would stay.

Tomorrow you will not be able to face Helaena, tomorrow you will sneak off before she’s able to say goodbye.

#targaryen reader #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii targaryen/reader #aegon ii fic #helaena targaryen #aemond targaryen #hotd fic #aegon ii targaryen x reader fic

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viking-raider · 2 years

Text

ALWAYS US - PART FIVE

Summary: You're triggered into remembering your early days of the end, before you and Henry met.

Pairing: Henry Cavill/Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Parts: I II III IV

Warnings: M - Post Apocalyptic!AU, Fluff, DDLG, Daddy!Henry, Little!Reader, Daddy Kink, Stuffie, Bonding, Kal Love, Semi-Non-Verbal Communication, Language, Blood, Shotty Medical Care, Memories, Flashbacks, Triggers, Fear, Separation Anxiety, Angst, Abandonment, Abandonment Issues, Assault, Theft, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Doubt, Self-Blame

Inspiration: Not sure what sparked Muse for this. But it’s interesting!

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy it! Line divider by @FIREFLY-GRAPHICS!

If you would like to get notifications for my writing! Just follow my Tag List blog, @VIKING-RAIDER-TAGLIST as well as my @viking-raider-library and turn on the notifications for it! It’s that easy!’

You watched the gradual tension and distress build in Henry’s body as he searched the shelf along the wall. His shoulders stiffening with each useless item he pushed aside, before he gave up and gripped the shelf divider. His head hung for a moment, a stillness falling over the room that only increased your fear, before you saw Henry push off and storm for the door.

“Daddy.” You croaked out, voice still raw from all your tears and half afraid to make a sound after the incident with the looter.

But Henry didn’t acknowledge you. He didn’t look back at you or even twitch in your direction. He unlocked and yanked the door open, then disappeared into the hallway. Taking the only light source you had, plunging you into darkness. You mewled at the door, your breathing picking up as panic slid in beside your fear; fresh tears, like lava, streamed down your face.

He had left you. He had promised not to, but he had done it anyway.

Not again. You thought with agony.

*Two months after the end*

“Come on, Kitten! You gotta keep up!”

You gasped at the voice of your Daddy and boyfriend of four years. Standing back up from where you were squatting down, picking a pair of dandelions that were growing between the cracks in the sidewalk, you ran back to him, holding the two yellow flowers up to him.

“Looky what I found, Daddy!” You said excitedly, beaming at him.

He looked at the flowers and gave you a soft smile. “They’re cute, Kitten.” He told you, gently patting you on the head.

“Where are we going, Daddy?” You asked, twirling the flowers between your fingers.

“Somewhere farther out of the city, Kitten.” He answered, pulling a map out of his back pocket. “It’s less safe every day in London.”

“Even with the virus all gone?” You inquired, lifting a brow at him.

“It’s not all gone, Princess.” He replied, studying the map. “It’s just having a harder time spreading, with so few people left to infect, is all. But, that’s not what I meant.” He frowned, trying to pinpoint exactly where you were. “I meant, that the people that survived-”

“Like us!” You grinned, giggling.

“Yes.” He sighed, trying to focus. “The people that survived, like us, are becoming very dangerous. So, we need to leave and find somewhere safer, so we don’t get hurt by them and we have a higher chance of survival.”

“Where are we going to be safer?” You asked, a knot of fear and worry in your stomach, even though you knew he would find somewhere.

You trusted your Daddy after all, he would take care of you, like he always did.

“I heard about a colony in Bath that's taking people in. So long as they’re not infected or planning on causing any trouble.” He said, chewing on his lip.

“Is Bath-”

“Kitten, please just let Daddy figure this out first, then I’ll answer all your questions.” He snapped, giving you a stern look.

You gulped and nodded at him, pressing your lips together and turned your attention back to your flowers. Taking a deep breath, he went back to the map, studying it and the area you both were in currently, having traveled half a day from your flat in Central London already. The two of you stood there for ten more minutes before he felt like he knew where he was going.

“All right, Kitten, this way.” He said, taking your hand and hurrying across the street.

“Is it far?” You mumbled, returning to your interrupted question.

“Yes, Kitten. It’s very far.” He answered, biting the corner of his lip. “It’ll take almost two days to walk there.” He explained to you, scanning the street you were going down, making sure no one was lurking about.

“If we don’t get lost.” He added under his breath.

You did indeed get lost, which had only sent your Daddy into a rage. You watched him scream and kick things about, curse everything he could and that came to mind, for nearly twenty minutes before he finally calmed down again. He pulled the map out for the four hundredth time, trying to figure out where he led you both wrong to end up in Farnham, instead of Reading.

While he did that, you had found more dandelions growing around the car he spread the map over the hood of. So, you moved around, picking them, thinking of making a cute flower necklace to cheer him up. Once he was done figuring out the map stuff. You had just squatted down behind the back bumper, to grab one growing between the curb and asphalt, when movement up ahead caught your attention.

“Daddy.” You called out to him, feeling uneasy as three figures appeared at the corner.

“In a minute, Kitten!” He barked back, leaning closer to the map, tracing the route from Farnham to Bath with a sharpie he had nicked from a store.

“Daddy!!” You whined urgently, jumping up as the group turned in your direction.

“Kitten, I said, give me a minute!” He yelled, ensuring the group of three noticed the two of you.

“But Daddy!” You snapped back, sprinting over to him. “People!”

His head shot up and he leaned sideways, looking along the car and down the sidewalk to see them advancing. “Oh fuck!” He gasped, quickly gathering up the map and grabbed your hand, swinging you around and took off in the other direction, pulling you along with him.

“Run, Kitten.” He encouraged you, starting to pant with exertion of the heavy pack on his back.

You pushed yourself to run as fast as you could, not wanting them to catch up with you anymore than your Daddy did.

“Don’t look behind you!” He scolded, catching you turning your head to look back at the three pursuing you. “Just keep running!” He hissed, his face pouring with sweat and breath wheezing in his lungs.

You stumbled over your feet and the uneven pavement, using your grasp on his hand to stay up the best you could, not wanting to fall and halt your progress. The group let out loud whistles, calling out profanities and other things, giving away their unfriendly intent. But you were starting to lag, unable to keep up.

“I can't.” You mewled up at him, sweaty brow pinched.

“Yes, you can.” He said, shifting his grasp to your elbow, pulling you to stand up straight. “Just a little bit more.” He huffed, lungs and throat burning. “Come on, y/n. Please, just try a little harder for me.” He begged, casting a look at you, that begged you to drop out of Little Space and pick it up.

“I'm trying, Beau.” You whimpered back, calling him by his given name, trying to be as Big as you could.

He stared at you for a moment longer, before pulling you around the street corner. His eyes were frantic over all the building fronts and practically dragging you across the road, shoving you into a smashed up barbershop.

“Get down and hide!” He snapped, shoving you behind the register counter, before joining you.

“Beau-” You whispered, curled up on the floor behind him, as he glanced around the side of the counter.

“Hush.” He reprimanded you under his breath, then ducking back as the group ran by.

Beau sat back, turning to rest against the counter and wiped at the sweat still dripping from his face, while working on getting his breath back under control. His head thumped the counter and he cast his eyes to the ceiling, his breathing calmed down and a look of exhaustion washed over his face. You reached out and rested your hand on his shoulder, sliding closer to him, to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“They're gone.” You told him, softly.

“They could have caught us.” He snapped, his eyes jerking to you. “They almost would have, if I hadn't pushed you on.” He rebuked you, harshly.

“You wouldn't have even known they were there, until it was too late.” You answered, your brow knitting together. “If I hadn't said something.”

Your voice has a bite to it.

Beau floundered for a moment, before his face hardened and he stood up, turning on his heels and stormed for the door, growling under his breath as he stepped out onto the sidewalk. You watched him for a second and sighed, knowing he was doing his best to take care of both of you and get you to somewhere safe.

“Beau!” You yelled out to him, as he disappeared towards the next store front, and made to follow after him, before you heard the commotion.

The three men that had chased you down the street had doubled back to look for you, catching Beau as he came out of the shop and were only aided in finding him with you yelling out his name. Frightened, you dropped to the floor and hid underneath the counter again, trembling in the fetal position as you listened to them assault and rob him, before running off again.

Thankfully paying no interest in you.

You slowly crawled from underneath the counter to the door of the shop, and pulled yourself up to go outside, finding Beau laying on the sidewalk. They had taken his backpack, which held all of the possessions the two of you had taken from home and acquired from some looting you had done. The only things you had left were the clothes you both had on your back and the few items you had in the Superman backpack you'd taken from a shop just before leaving London, to carry the few Little Space items you decided to take with you and the couple of items Beau had or let you carry.

“Daddy?”

You whimpered at Beau, dropping back into Little Space without meaning to. “Daddy?” You whined, your bottom lip trembling as you inched closer, finding him bloodied and unconscious, but alive.

“Daddy.” You cried, shaking him to try and stir him. “Daddy wake up.”

“All right, Peanut.” Henry sighed looking you in the eyes, and reaching out to cup your cheek. “I need you to be a really brave girl for me.” He said, licking his lips and giving you his bravest expression.

“Can you do that for Daddy?” He asked, caressing your skin with his thumb.

You nodded at him, biting your lip and feeling sick to your stomach over what you knew was going to happen. Henry smiled at you, leaning in to kiss you on the lips for a long moment, before pulling away.

Henry set everything on the cleaned metal tray table, the closed packet containing the purple sutures and needle, and the flush and gel lidocaine syringes, with three bottles of sterile saline and gauze. He broke open a bottle of saline and pulled out the surgical scissors from his pocket, cleaning them, before carefully cutting off the leg of your leggings, giving himself access to your wound without having to pull them completely off, leaving you exposed in your pull up.

Which he was sure he needed to change.

Taking a deep breath in and out, Henry set the scissors down, cleaned his hands, then ripped open the box of gloves, pulling on the black latex with a snap that made you start. He gently touched your wound. It was still bleeding, but thankfully not as badly as it had been when he first found you on the playground. Some of it had congealed and crusted over inside and around the edge. It would have to be cleaned out first, he knew that much.

So, Henry grabbed one of the saline flushes and uncapped it.

Using one hand, he gently spread your wound, giving you a soft and sympathetic look as he did, knowing it hurt, then pushed down the plunger, squirting the clear solution into your gash. You hissed and tensed up, your hand shooting out to grip Henry's arm.

“I know, baby girl.” He cooed, dropping the empty syringe at his feet and grabbed a wad of gauze to dab at your wound, clearing away the blood.

Dropping more gauze to the floor, having dried up your wound the best he could, Henry grabbed the lidocaine next. Pulling out the plug and screwing in the tip, he looked up at you, his brows deeply creased knowing this was going to hurt like hell, when he started pumping it into your wound.

“Where's your nee-nee?” He asked, clicking his tongue at you, referencing your soother.

You reached into your jacket, pulled it out and popped it into your mouth, getting his point for mentioning it. You also grasped Sparkles tighter, readying yourself as best you could for the initial pain of the gel. But you looked forward to the relief it was going to give you. You nodded at Henry, letting him know you were ready, as you could be, and he nodded back at you. He squeezed the gel along your wound, filling it with half the gel in the syringe, before spreading some on his gloved finger and rubbing it around the outside as well, trying to numb as much of the area as possible.

“I'm going to let that sit for a few minutes.” He said, dropping the empty syringe and pulling off his gloves. “Let it soak in as much as possible, before flushing it all out with more saline.” He explained to you.

You nodded at him, suckling your soother and twisting Sparkle's mane around your fingers. Henry looked at your bloody hands and the blood that had been smeared all over your unicorn from your clutching at it and felt his stomach twist. He felt like he failed to protect you, that he allowed himself to get too distracted with what he was doing.

If he hadn't, he would have caught you sneaking off, and prevented the whole matter.

“Here.” He sighed, picking up some gauze and soaking it in saline from the bottle. “Let me see your hands, so I can clean the blood off of them. You've gotten enough of it on Sparkles.” He commented, holding his hands and the soaking gauze out to you.

You glanced down at Sparkles, seeing the brown stains on its white body, before slowly letting it go to rest in your lap. You held out your hands to Henry, allowing him to dab at them, cleaning the blood off.

“I'll wash Sparkles when we get home.” Henry said softly, seeing your eyes go back to the beloved unicorn. “I have some spray that washes blood stains out.” He explained, tossing the filthy gauze aside. “She'll be good as new, before you know it, Peanut.”

“Promise.”

You smiled reluctantly at him, though you believed Henry when he said it, but it quickly vanished. “I'm sorry.” You mumbled around your soother.

Henry drew a deep breath, his shoulders moving with it, before he released it and glanced around, spotting a stool with a couple of the wheels busted off. “I know you're sorry, Peanut.” He answered, pulling the stool over beside you and carefully perched himself on the dusty and split seat.

“I'm sure you're especially sorry now that it's gotten you into this mess.” He said, folding his arms over his chest tightly and motioning to your wound with his head.

You nodded, looking away from him. You were incredibly sorry about how it had turned out.

Beau grunted as he lowered himself to the floor, his broken ribs screaming with every breath and movement he made. You sat down across from him, toying with the excess strap from your backpack. Neither of you had spoken since Beau came back around after getting jumped. You had expected him to lose his temper upon finding out all your stuff had been taken by the three assailants, but he had instead dragged himself up, looked you over, nodded, and started limping up the street.

You looked around the small convenience store he had decided to stop the two of you in for the night, several of its shelves had been knocked over and its merchandise taken or strewn about the floor. The air was growing colder as the sun went down and night closed in. So, you pulled your arms inside of your jacket and huddled up on yourself, to keep warm. The loud growl of your stomach filled the silence, but neither of you moved to find any food that hadn't spoiled to turn it into your pitiful dinner.

“Da-”

“It's late.” He cut you off. “You should go to bed, it's been a long day and tomorrow will only be longer.” He said, casting his eyes around and spotted a utility closet.

Getting to his feet with a loud groan, Beau shuffled over to the closet and yanked open the door, finding it contained a mop bucket and a cart with some cleaning supplies. Pushing them out of the closet, he turned to you and jerked his head inside, confusing you.

“Come on, Kitten. It's safe inside.” He told you, softly. “Trust Daddy.”

Biting your lip, you turned onto your hands and knees and crawled into the closet. Beau moved away for a moment, coming back with two bags of mixed trail mix and sat down, pulling the door closed as he did.

He ripped open one of the bags and handed it over to you. “When you finish it, I want you to lay down and go to sleep.”

“All right.” You mumbled, taking the mix from him, picking around the raisins as you ate it.

When you finally finished eating, you pulled your back pack off and turned onto your side, using it as a pillow, your eyes on Beau, watching him barely eat as he stared at the wall in front of him, barely acknowledging your presence.

“I love you, Daddy.” You whispered, drifting off to sleep.

“Mmhm.” Beau hummed back as your eyes closed.

When you woke the next morning, you found yourself alone in the utility closet, with the door closed. Frowning, you sat up and pulled your backpack on, figuring Beau had just woken up early and hadn't wanted to disturb you yet.

So, you got up and stepped out of the closet, going in search of him.

“Daddy?” You called, weaving through the store, looking around every corner as you made your way to the front. “Daddy!” You yelled out, the crease between your brow deepening, when you didn't receive an answer from him.

You stepped outside, looking up and down the street, a sick feeling in your stomach. “Beau!” You barked, your voice echoing back was your only answer.

He just went looking for supplies. You thought to yourself, going back inside the store, picking through the stock on the floor, finding a candy bar still in its wrapper and reasonable condition, before going towards the drinks at the back, eyeing what was left before chancing a can of Lemon Drop flavored Bang.

“Breakfast of champions.” You quipped to yourself, carrying your meal back outside to sit on the curb and wait for Beau to come back for you.

But, after three days of you staying at the convenience store and sleeping inside the closet, because it was safe, you were forced to acknowledge the fully formed feeling in your stomach.

Beau wasn't coming back.

He had abandoned you at some point that first night or early morning, while you slept. Not even bothering to leave you a note for why or apology. The man that had vowed to take care of you four years before, who doubled up on his vow when the virus hit the city and he decided you both needed to leave, had left you to fend for yourself.

In all reality, you were capable of fending for yourself, you were an adult after all. But that's when you were in an adult mind set. Your issue was you had the horrible issue of regressing far too often. Everyone around you knew it. Whether or not they knew you were a Little or not, they commented on how sometimes you just seemed too distant to care for yourself.

What hurt you the most, was thinking he had left because of what happened to him.

You blame yourself for it.

If you had just shut up and not said a word. If you hadn't called out his name and just followed him quietly out of the barbershop, then those people wouldn't have harmed him, then Daddy wouldn't have left you.

I can do this. You thought to yourself the morning of the fourth day. I can do this. You kept repeating to yourself, while trying to prevent yourself from regressing in your depression of being left high and dry. I have to do this. You sighed, going around the convenience store, grabbing the best food you could carry with you; trail mix, several cans of roasted peanuts, candy bars, a few more cans of Bang and bottles of water, stuffing them into your backpack.

You walked out of the convenience store and took a deep breath. He said, there was a safe place in Bath, you had remembered. Then, that was where you were going to go too, you resolved yourself, setting out. Even though you honestly had no idea where Bath was or if you were going the right way.

But it turned out, it didn't matter, you had found safety elsewhere.

In someone else.

“But, it turned out how it turned out, little one.” Henry told you, pressing his lips together and resting his chin against his chest. “You decided to be naughty and sneak off away from Daddy, to do something I warned you was bad, and it got you hurt.” He stated the facts of the situation.

“And so, we are now here.” He said, motioning to your wound.

“Time out?” You asked, lifting a brow at him.

“I haven't decided if I'm going to punish you.” He confessed, shaking his head and pushing his jaw forward. “Part of me thinks this is more than enough punishment for what you did. You're going to have a pretty little scar from it, that's for sure.”

You let your soother drop out of your mouth, its clip catching it from falling into your lap. “Leave?”

Henry's head went up and his eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, leave?”

Shifting and hissing as you did, you bit your lip and glanced in Henry's direction. “Will you leave me?” You asked, sounding more Big than he had ever heard you.

“Why are you so suddenly afraid I'm going to leave you?” Henry asked, standing back up and moving to your side, his hand resting on your arm, his eyes searching yours, seeing the fear and apprehension in them. “I was only gone for a few minutes, sweetheart.” He cooed at you, cocking his head, in his heartbreak.

You took a deep breath, you had never told Henry about Beau, especially about him abandoning you. “He did.” You muttered, staring down at Sparkles.

Henry narrowed his eyes at you for a moment, before he understood. “That's how you survived.” He said, licking his lips. “You had someone.”

“Mmhm.” You hummed, nodding. “But we got into some trouble, and he left.”

“Was that why you didn't talk for such a long time?” He asked, rubbing your arm and brushing his fingers against your cheek, a little happy that you were finally opening up that little bit of you.

“It was my fault.” You sighed, blinking rapidly. “If I hadn't said anything, they wouldn't have hurt him, and he wouldn't have left.”

Henry got a lump in his throat, before he hugged his arms around you. “Whatever happened, it was his choice to leave. That is no fault of yours, baby.” He purred at you, kissing the top of your head. “He could have stayed afterwards, but for whatever reason he decided not to. You wouldn't have been able to change that.” He sighed, resting his head against yours. “But, as for me,” He pulled away and held your face in his hands, making sure you looked him in the eyes.

“There is absolutely nothing you can do that would make me leave or abandon you. I love you and I'm going to take care of you, forever.” He chuckled softly, smirking. “Even when you've been naughty.”

“You promise?” You whimpered at him, closing your hands around his wrists.

“With everything in my heart and soul, Peanut.” Henry replied, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs. “If I didn't mean to take care of you, I never would have taken you home that day Kal and I found you.” He said, glancing down at the Bear, who dozed on the floor, at the foot of the table.

#Henry Cavill #Viking-Raider Fics #daddy!henry cavill x little!reader #Always Us #Always Us *fic*#Henry Cavill RPF #Henry Cavill Fanfiction #Henry Cavill Fanfic #HenryCavill #Henry Cavill Fandom #Viking-Raider-TagList #Viking-Raider-Library #Fluff #Angst #Hurt/Comfort #Daddy!Henry #Little!Reader

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jamiedc-they-them · 1 year

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Being Joel's Surviving Child and an Older Sibling to Ellie Part II

Link to Part I

CW: Normal last of us violence, swearing. Mentions of suicidal thoughts. Bunch of angst. Also, a long one!

So, five years. A lot of can happen in five years.

You’ve almost, almost, gone back to how you used to be. Normal. A citizen rather than a survivor.

You’re more relaxed.

It’s not constant, twenty years of surviving isn’t something you just forget and move on from in an instant.

Your family understands that.

Tommy takes you out on hunts sometimes. It’s a good bonding experience with your uncle.

He has your help with organising patrols. These are the main times you see Ellie. Other than teaching her how to shoot.

It’s nice seeing your sister, though she is more distant.

You just put it up to age. She’s growing and changing, becoming more independent, so she distances herself more because of that.

You and Sarah had sort of done that before…everything.

In a way, you’re envious.

Still though, you just keep going on.

You help out with the town.

Joel checks in every so often. But after a certain period, you can’t quite remember how long into those five years it is, he does it almost all the time.

He acts differently. Softer.

“Something wrong?” you ask.

“I’m alright, kiddo. Just…feeling my age is all. Do you, uh, do you wanna come over later? Found that sequel. Curtis and Viper 2. ”

“No way?! Hell yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Alright, kiddo. Sounds like a plan.”

You notice Ellie’s absence. You don’t question it, though. Her and Dina have been talking lately. From the brief interaction you had with the girl, she was sweet. She was kind to Ellie, as was Jessie. You liked that they had a little group.

When you next see Ellie before a patrol, you talk to her.

“Didn’t see you at Dad’s last night.”

She turns to you, but you can tell she’s more tense now, “Oh, shit. Yeah, sorry. I was out with Dina and Jessie,” she does sound genuinely apologetic. You miss the mistrust in her eyes. It flickers only for as second, but you still miss it.

“It’s cool,” you say, waving it off, “just be careful, yeah?”

“Always am,” she assures, putting her pack on her horse and mounting up, letting you take them outside the stables, “besides, with your training, how could I go wrong?”

“Exactly,” she chuckles at your response, “Just…talk to each other, yeah? Whatever it is.”

She sighs. She wishes it was that simple, but she tells you she will.

She loves you, but doesn’t like you meddling sometimes. Joel too.

Sometimes, you’ll take her on a run. Or one of her friends.

It’s through this, you get the idea that someone has a crush. Dina asks you things about Ellie; favourite food and what not.

You don’t always have the answers, but you do have an idea of what is going on.

You don’t pressure Dina or her on it. Though you do ask one about the other every now and then to try to gauge it and push them to admit their feelings.

You were never into the whole love thing, so this is not your field. But they are adorable, the pair. Jessie is a good friend. Loyal. He opens up a bit more to you. He’s funny, too. Casual. Good person.

Brings out your lighter side.

Seth isn’t an awful guy, but is a homophobe.

Ellie seems to have a six sense with you, despite the distance she’s caused, and always finds you before anything bad happens.

Her own blood boils when he calls you a “queer” in an insulting way. But she always drags you back, keeping herself between you and him. Her eyes on you as she forces you not to make a scene.

This happens with a few other troubling people in the town.

She also gives you a place to crash when you want to, or are drunk. You do that a bit. Trying to tame the loudness in your head.

It worries her, but she’s gentle. If you ever wake up from a nightmare and are around her’s, she wakes you up.

“It’s ok, Y/N. It’s ok. It was just a dream. I’m here. I’m here,” she puts a hand to your cheek, “I’ve got you.”

Sometimes she’ll stay with you. Sometimes you both stay up together. Sometimes she sits with you until you drift off, looking at your gentle form, before going to bed, wishing she could stop whatever is plaguing you.

You’re her sibling, older sure, but she loves you.

Sadly, she never gets a chance to ask you, as she soon is plagued by similar nightmares.

A golf club kills your father, and she had no choice but to watch.

Dina arrives before you, Jessie being the one who fetched you when Joel didn’t come back.

Dina gets Ellie up and out, but Jessie sees you frozen, just staring at your father. Or what’s left of him.

He sees your fist start leaking blood. You don’t notice. Your eyes are glassy, but no tears fall.

You’ve shut down.

You don’t even register him leading you away. Mentally, you’re still there.

Maria visits you.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, sitting next to you on your bed, “C’mere.”

She tries to hug you, but you lean away.

You stand up, arms crossed, facing away from her.

“What’s that?” she prompts, not hearing what you said just then.

“It should’ve been me,” you say, a bit louder.

“Y/N. No. No, it, no it shouldn’t of been.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know…”

“He’s dead…”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

She goes to hug you, or try and help, but you scream, back away, and then run from your room and out of your house, tears be damned.

Dina hears you sprinting, just seeing you as you trip over trying to get into the cemetery.

“Shit,” she says, going to help you up, “hey, Y/N. Hey!” she’s gentle, but you flinch at her loudness, “Look at me,” you do, eyes frantic. She hates her friend in pain like this, “I have you. I -”

“I need him,” her heart breaks. You sound like a scared child - she doesn’t blame you, this is a horrible situation - and not the late thirties person that you are.

You sob, putting your head in your hands as you just break completely.

You then fall back in the snow.

“Sarah would’ve been able to control herself. She would’ve stopped this.”

“Y/N,” Dina crouches near you, ignoring the cold, “you aren’t expected to just control this. There’s no precedent for this.”

“Sarah was. Henry and Sam were. Tess was.”

“They weren’t your fault.”

“Then whose were they?”

She doesn’t have time to answer you, as Ellie clears her throat.

Ellie moves to you, her too crouching down, “I’m so sorry,” she says, voice raw, “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Despite what Dina just tried to get you to understand for yourself, you impart it to Ellie, “It’s not your fault, El. It’s not your fault.”

Dina hates what this has done to you both. Broken you both. Her girlfriend and friend who looked out for her.

You both go to Joel’s house, and she waits outside for you both.

“Can…can you…” Ellie can’t finish her words.

Wordlessly, you nod, opening the door and going inside.

You’re both slow, looking around.

You even find the copy of Curtis and Viper 2, you let out a choked laugh at it.

Ellie takes the revolver, but hands you the watch.

“I think…I think he’d want you to have this.”

You take it, and put it on your arm. It fits you just as well as it fit him.

You look at your little sister. He’s gone, so you have to step up.

You go where she goes. That’s your job: you protect, you guide, you support.

Maria isn’t happy with Tommy going, and tells you guys to go get him.

Before you leave, Maria stops you.

“Please make sure you come back too, Y/N, ok?”

You nod, “you can count on it.”

She doesn’t think she’s ever been more scared of you. The flicker in your eye. The crazed look of someone on the edge of breaking completely, and with one more promise on the line.

It’s the look of someone who will do all they can for that promise. No matter the cost.

As said before, she’d heard the stories of what you and Joel did to survive, how you were so young and lost your soul in the name of survival and control.

The last five years had seen you return to normal.

That had now been taken.

So, off you go to Seattle.

You tell them all the memories of this place you can remember. From small trips and what not. Dina paints a picture of Sarah in her mind as you describe your actions with your twin.

Randomly, small facts come back to you about the place. They’re always impressed by your vast knowledge (you doubt a lot of it is true, but there are one or two you know are facts).

Then you’re brought back to how the world is with them asking you how old you were in your first kill.

The age gap between you and them is shown, as you try to water it down. You tell yourself it’s to protect them, but really it’s just to protect yourself.

“We’re old enough to know, Y/N,” your sister says, “or are you forgetting about David?”

The words sting. Ellie regrets them. You just ride on ahead.

“Who’s David?” Dina asks.

“An arsehole. He’s dead now.”

“Did he do something to you?”

“Tried to. But he also made he break a promise I made to Y/N.”

“And what’s that?”

“Doesn’t matter now.”

Dina nods, respecting the boundary. It makes her miss her sister more, having inside secrets that friends wouldn’t know.

When it comes to climbing, Ellie goes, joking about your age and your back. It brings her back to simpler times.

“Did I do something to make her upset?” you ask Dina as you wait for Ellie to open the gate.

“Oh. No, I don’t think so. She didn’t say anything to me about something like that. Why?”

“Just…I don’t know.”

“You’re not gonna lose her, Y/N,” she assures.

“I thought I wouldn’t lose my dad, either,” it’s a cheap shot, and she knows it’s not being fired at her, but she still flinches at it, “sorry,” you say.

She nods, “it’s ok,” though there is hurt in her voice.

Ellie shows you the map, handing it to you every now and then to double check where you’ve been and haven’t been. Sure, things are marked on and off, but she doubts herself a bit.

Dina moves past the awkwardness between you both, listening as you and Ellie swap stories about Joel.

Dina is happy to hear them, at least you both aren’t completely drowning, you’re keeping each other afloat, and she’s glad to be of assistance in that.

Dina opens up to you both about being Jewish. You always liked the idea of a god, but never believed yourself. Especially not after the apocalypse, but the hope it gave her was something you understood.

Ellie was that hope for you. If she was alive, and happy, you were happy.

If what was left of your family was ok, you were ok.

That was why you had to make this right. Make it mean something.

When it comes to combat, you take the lead. Giving them orders. It makes it seem more controllable that way.

Most times, it goes wrong, with you having to adapt, but the feeling it gives you before that keeps you going.

Ellie and you are a deadly duo, Dina notes. Able to read each other’s minds and actions. You seem to forget Dina is there for a moment, your soul focus being on your sister.

One time, with you all being pinned down, you shot someone who was going to sneak up on Ellie, only for Dina to take a hit.

You helped patch up her wound, but avoided her eyes.

She doesn’t want to hold it against you. You’re her friend, and Ellie’s sibling. You’ve been good to her on runs. You were honest with her about things. While she knows she’d be like this had her sister still be alive, but it does scare her what it can do.

Yes, she’s following you because she cares about you both, but she’s also scared for you both. What you’ll do. How you’ll do it. What you’ll lose in the process.

Ellie is taken, and you don’t talk the entire way to rescue her. Dina follows, and sees how good at tracking you actually are.

Dina is shot through the roof, and one bullet catches you. You lay on the roof.

Ellie shouts up to you, telling you to “find another way to get this fuckers!”

You hesitate, and she seems to tell, “Go!” She yells, “trust me!”

You do, but you can’t find another way in. Your heart hammers, hearing only the chaos inside.

They’re out of your sight. What if they get hurt? What if they die? You lose more of your family?

You reunite outside, and you check them numerous times for injuries.

“We’re fine. We’re fine, Y/N. Look, look! No wounds,” she shows you. You just pull them both in for a hug.

Ellie remembers Joel doing that at the hospital…though she doesn’t push away this time, not wanting to raise suspicion or confront you on it just yet. She doesn’t want to lose you too.

You find more images, and one of the people from the photos is dead.

Dina looks to you, “What the fuck have we gotten involved in?”

“I don’t know,” you say, honestly, “but we just need Abby.”

“Y/N, this is insane. What if they already got her?”

“They wouldn’t have,” Ellie says.

“How do you know?” Dina challenges.

“Gut feeling.”

Dina looks to you.

“Let’s go,” is all you say.

Ellie’s secret comes out about the immunity, and you all barely escape with your lives intact and make it to the theatre.

Dina reveals she may be pregnant and Ellie snaps. You don’t follow her, instead, you sit with Dina.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she says.

“I get it,” you say, “it’s scary. Especially in a world like this.”

“Do you think it would be ok? Even after all this?”

“It will.”

“You can’t promise that Y/N,” she hopes you’re right, but is being more real about it.

“I can. I can,” you say, nodding, but you look away right after.

She nods once, before laying down.

You find yourself falling asleep on the floor. You dream about Sarah.

Ellie remembers the birthday gift you and Joel gave her. That was a good day. A day of your bonds being the strongest.

You have a memory of a time when she fixed something, some dickhead bully. He never bothered you again.

You wish that either she was here instead of you, or you could do what she could.

Ellie wakes you up, nervously asking if you can come with her.

“We’ll make sure Dina is safe. I just…can we go together, Y/N? Please?”

You nod, leaving with her. Dina just asks you both to be careful.

It’s quiet, at the start as you both set off on your journey to find Tommy.

“Did I do something?” You ask as you search a store.

“What?”

“Did I do something?”

“No,” she says, not completely lying.

“Is there a reason you and dad weren’t talking as much? Was it the party?”

“Mostly.”

“‘Mostly’?”

“It’s complicated,” it both is and isn’t true.

“You can talk to me, you know?”

She wants to more than anything, but that would be - potentially - driving away the one piece of this family she has left that has been with her through so much.

“I will, ok? Just, give me time?”

You want to press her on it, it sounds bad. Especially if it drove your sister and father apart. But, to keep her happy enough, you find yourself saying the one thing that can do that:

“Ok.”

Ellie and you find the archery statue. She holds it up and turns to you.

“People cared about this stuff?”

“Sure, sometimes.”

“You think this thing was worth a lot?”

You chuckle, “not money-wise, no. Thing was probably cheap as anything. But, sentimentally? Yeah, definitely.”

“Why’s that?”

“Made people feel valued. Wanted. Like they actually accomplished something.”

“This little thing did that?”

“A lot of things can do that.”

She nods, but can understand what you really mean. It’s why you’re here after all.

It makes her feel valued. Less alone.

She does have to admit, seeing you not drowning or shutting down in your grief as you had before was a genuine relief to her.

But, she does know you. She’s known you for like six years at this point.

She can see it’s getting to you.

You look at the blood on your knuckles more. You check in with her more. Making sure she is ok.

She tries to with you, but you just turn it around on her.

With Jessie, you drive. She rides shotgun, and Jessie sits in the middle. You almost die, but you’re just thankful Ellie learnt how to swim.

Dina and Jessie reunite. You see Ellie walk off, you watch the friends and exes reunite.

“Look, Jessie, I -“

“It’s cool, Y/N. Really. I’m not angry.”

“You’re not?” You did sort of go into this whole thing thinking he would. Though, maybe that was just because of the shows Sarah made you watch when younger.

He chuckles, “Yeah, all good. I mean, it’s a lot. But, Dina and Ellie are my friends. I want them to be happy. Their problems, are my problems.”

“That’s a sweet way to live, kid.”

“You’re my friend too, you know.”

“I’m older.”

“So?”

“I take on more problems for everyone. It’s my job.”

“That’s not healthy,” where’d he read that?

“We ain’t in a healthy world.”

Ellie has a mostly good memory of you, the strings incident. Well, good with you anyway, though at that point you had started to catch onto something being wrong. Still, you like that your dad is trying now with the comics. He and you had even had some discussions.

With the Bloater, you just held Ellie in your arms as Joel took it down.

With the couple and the lie you’ve both spun to her, you’re silent while Joel doubles down on it. She’s catching on, and you don’t like that.

Reminders of the lie you told her about being there.

Whenever you remember a birthday, you ignore that bit. You just remember the dinosaur.

With the strings, you focus on the bloater part and the comics.

With the sewers, it’s you who goes out the window. She doesn’t even think before jumping in to try to find you.

You drag her out of the water.

“What were you thinking?!”

“Me?! What the fuck were you thinking?!”

“I had to protect you, El!”

“You scared me! I thought you were dead, you arsehole!”

She hits you in the shoulder, and then you both take pause.

You’re both disturbed by the Seraphites.

“You think we should have a code like that?” She asks you as you make your way through a building.

“Would be useful,” you admit, “maybe you learning to whistle weren’t for nothing.”

She gives a humoured scoff. But she’s glad you can still have these moments.

She’s glad she hasn’t lost you. She just hates that internally she adds a ‘yet’ to that.

Before the camp, however, she turns to you, “I need to do this on my own.”

“What?”

“Look, there could to spores in there. And I don’t want you getting infected.”

“The fuck are you talking about, Ellie? We stick together.”

“Do you trust me?”

It seems like you hesitate, but really she sees you weighing up the options in your head.

You nod.

“Hey,” she grabs your hand with hers, “I’m coming back, ok? With that bitches head. I promise,” she squeezes your hand.

You look one more time to the camp, then back to your sister.

“I don’t like this.”

“I’ve got this,” she says. Your eyes soften at her echoing words.

You nod a tiny bit. You know she does.

You make your way back to the theatre.

“Y/N…” Dina says when she sees you, “Oh. Oh, god, is Ellie…”

“No,” you say, instantly, “No. She’s fine. Just thought she should go alone. Spores and whatnot. Don’t exactly have my mask.”

“You sure it’s a good idea to leave her on her own?” Jessie asks. He means well, but he is also their age.

“She’s got this,” you assure her friends, “she’s tougher than you think.”

“I know that,” he says, “it’s just…with her state of mind.”

“I’m worried about her too. But, I’d be no use to her dead.”

“To any of us, Y/N,” you smile a little at Dina’s words.

“So, what do we do?” Jessie asks.

“We wait for her to come back. I’ll, uh, give you two some space to talk about the whole…kid, thing.” You clear your throat, doing that.

Ellie returns when you’re asleep. Jessie wakes you up.

“Where is she?”

“With Dina,” you get up, and Jessie knows what your plan is, “I think we should just leave them for tonight. Dina’s got her.”

“I could help.”

“I’m not saying you can’t,” despite the almost twenty year gap between you both, he seems to be the more mature one at times, “but you don’t need to smother her.”

Your eyes look dangerous when you look at him, “I ain’t.”

“I’d follow you, Joel, Ellie, or Dina anywhere, Y/N. But, Y/N, there’s gotta be a line where you walk away.”

“Not with her. Not with this.”

“I know Joel was a good man; he was a good father to you both. But, look, Dina’s pregnant. We aren’t exactly going to find her help out here, are we? And I know, you wanna help Ellie; but…she’ll listen to you.”

You go to check on your sister, she shivers, her wounds making you sick.

You sit next to her, and move the cover she has over her a bit more. She flinches a bit. You mule over Jessie’s words.

You go with them, giving Dina a bottle of water, and leaving too.

However, you then see how high the water is out there. And you see Ellie’s plan to steal the boat.

Jessie starts to back away. Ellie then looks to you

“Not you too,” she says. Damn it, she knows you too well.

“El -”

“Don’t do that. Please don’t fucking do that.”

“I just think –”

“I didn’t think you’d leave me too.

“I’m not –”

Guys,” Jessie tries to interject, noticing your voices going up a notch in volume. You hold your hand up to silence him, then gesture with your hand to lower the volume. Even in her pissed off state, she agrees to that.

“I thought you’d have my back on this,” she says, quieter.

“I have your back. Really, I do. But I’m gonna have to pull rank on this and –”

“‘Rank’?”

“I’m the older sibling. I have to look out for you.”

“Then do that by coming with me on that fucking boat. If we fall in, we can both make it back to the boat. I need you to trust me.”

“And I need you to listen to me.”

“They killed, Joel. What if it was me?”

“That’s not fair.”

“If it was you, you would want us to try, at least.”

“I wouldn’t know, would I?” you take a breath, “we should just go home. Ok?”

“You go, then. I’ll see you there later,” you open your mouth to argue, but she beats you to it, “fuck off then, coward.”

The words sting. You want to say more, to try and get her to see the way things are going. But you realise, maybe too late, that you can’t stop her. You can’t control her.

Jessie says what is on your mind:

“I really hope you make it.”

He respects your silence on the way back to the theatre.

You don’t explain to Dina, you just go to your own little space.

“Are they ok?” Dina asks Jessie.

“Ellie and them had a fight.”

“Oh…” she says, looking to the stairs, “should we go check on them?”

“No. No, I think they need some time alone, you know? I don’t think they’ve really had time to unpack everything.”

“None of us have,” it had only been a few days after all.

“That’s true. But, he was Y/N’s dad.”

“You know, at first, I thought Y/N was Ellie’s dad.”

“Yeah?” Dina chuckles a bit.

“Yeah. I mean, you seen how protective they both are…were, over her?”

“Y/N still is.”

“Yeah…” Jessie looks to the stairs too, “that’s what scares me.”

Jessie leaves on a quick patrol of the area and finds Tommy. He brings him back.

You come down and see your Uncle in the first time in what seems like forever.

“Hey, kid,” he says to you.

He doesn’t get a warm welcome, instead, he gets shoved. Then slapped.

“You left, your goddamn wife! She’s worried sick about you, Tommy!”

“I know, I know,” he says, but you don’t stop there.

“You could’ve died, and we wouldn’t of known. You fucking idiot!”

The younger two have never heard you so loud. Not even when fighting Seth.

“I KNOW!” Tommy roars, “They killed my brother! I had to try, Y/N! I had to do something.”

“And how’d that fucking go?” you sneer.

“I saw her,” he says, “I saw the bitch that killed her.”

“Yeah? Where’s her head?”

Tommy looks almost ashamed, looking at the ground as he answers you, “she had a kid with her. They beat me. Almost drowned.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t. I’m glad you didn’t, Uncle Tommy.”

He nods, “Me too, kid.”

It’s then, you hug him.

Time goes on a bit longer before Tommy and him decide to leave to find Ellie. They hear on the radio about the Aquarium.

Dina is the one who asks you to stay, “please. I don’t want to be alone. I’m scared.”

You tell the other two to go and stay with Dina.

You keep her drinking water. Try and keep her as well as you can.

She falls asleep, and you try your best to get her to bed ok, though she does stir awake at one point. But, only slightly, she falls back to sleep pretty easily. You get her in bed, trying to get her comfortable.

You don’t exactly envy her situation, especially given how hard it would’ve been in the old world. This new one just added more challenges.

Still, you wanted to help. Just how was the question?

You hear the door close and cautiously see who it is.

It’s your friends.

You see Ellie, eyes distant and scared.

“Hey. Hey, what happened?” you ask, moving on from the words exchanged earlier.

You look to Tommy, he shakes his head: not now.

“Do you wanna go see Dina?” she nods, “Ok, kiddo. Ok. I’ll take you to her.”

You’re slow with your movements, moving at her pace.

When she sees Dina, she is less tense. You let her go, and she goes to Dina, laying down next to her and moving some hair back.

You close the door gently, before going downstairs.

“So, you wanna tell me what happened?”

“One of the girls she killed,” Tommy pauses, puts his head in his hands, and pushes his hair back, “she was pregnant, Y/N.”

“Jesus,” is all you can say as you sit on the stage.

“Yeah,” is all Tommy can say as he sits next to you. He then looks around the theatre.

“You remember when you and Sarah came here?”

You smile a bit, “yeah. Or, well, somewhere like here.”

“Nope. Pretty sure it was here,” you have no idea if he’s fucking with you or not.

You narrow your eyes at him a bit.

“I’m serious,” he says, “can’t remember what we saw, mind. But, it was right here we saw it.”

“Hm. Quite the legacy,” you admire.

“Ain’t it just.”

A quiet few moments go by.

“I think we should go home,” you say.

Tommy nods, “Yeah. Though, not exactly looking forward to Maria kicking my arse.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t gonna be able to help with that.”

“Maybe I’ll use you as a shield.”

“As if she’d let you,” you say, “She loves me.”

“I’d like to think she loves me more.”

“Uh-uh, told me herself.”

“Did she now?”

“Oh yeah.”

It’s nice, this moment of normalcy.

“Go get some rest kid, we got a long trip tomorrow.”

“Guess you’re right,” you say, standing up and stretching, “night, Uncle Tommy.”

“Night, kid.”

You don’t sleep too long. Your instincts tell you something is going on.

You go to the main lobby and see Tommy on the floor, an arrow in his leg.

“Hands up,” you say, pointing your pistol at…shit, it’s Abby. And the kid Tommy mentioned.

“Y/N, run!” Tommy calls out.

“I ain’t leaving you,” you say to him, keeping your eyes on your father’s murderer.

“It’s you,” Abby says in realisation, “you’re the one who Marlene took as bait for…for him.”

“You took him from me,” you spit.

“And yours took mine. Now you know how it feels.”

“We just gonna stare at each other?”

“Not if you move. You’re not on my list. The girl is who I want.”

“So you can run more tests? There ain’t no cure.”

“No. No, the cure is long dead. On that, we can agree.”

“I’m not letting you get my sister.”

She steps a bit closer, gun aimed up a bit, “Then I’ll take you both. I don’t care.”

You look to the boy, “You found the one good Seraphite?”

“Just as quick as the rest.”

“Ok then,” you say, putting your gun down, hands raised, “then take me.”

“NO!” Tommy shouts, getting a kick in the gut.

“Maybe I would’ve,” she admits, “but not anymore. You’ve both taken too much from me. All you had to do, was stop. To get her to stop.”

You go to say something, but the door bursts open.

A few gunshots go off. You ignore the burning sensation on your body, and instead, try and deal with the one at your throat, the arm Abby has around it crushing your available air.

“Come on out! Or this one’s next!” Abby calls out.

“Ok. Fuck!” Ellie throws her gun away, standing up, hands raised, “you did this because of me, right? Because they both saved me? It’s me, I’m the one you want. Just let them go, ok?”

Abby presses the gun into your head, “we let you live,” she says to Ellie.

“I’ll let you live,” Abby says to you, “but I swear, if I see you again, I will kill you.”

Your world then goes dark. But you hear your sister yell out your name.

You wake up to silence.

Your vision goes double. You vomit on the floor.

Once on your feet, you slowly make your way down the theatre. You wished for music. You wished for something. Some sound to signal life.

You get backstage, and see a hole in the floor. You don’t even think before dropping down it. It doesn’t help your vision or unsteady legs. Shaking your head and getting to your feet once again, you’re greeted with your sister, coughing blood on the floor, and Dina bleeding from her head, unconscious.

You go to your younger sister, fall down and hover over her. She just coughs more.

You don’t know what to do. You just put her head in your lap, running your hand through her hair.

If this is it, then so be it.

You go to sleep, not expecting to wake up again.

You do, and Ellie is quietly saying your name.

You look down, an unknown amount of time having passed.

“Are….are you…?”

“Here. Present. Alive.” you say.

“Dina…” You look to your friend. Gently putting Ellie back down, you turn Dina over. The baby bump looks ok. You get some cloth and put it on her head.

“I think the baby’s ok.”

Ellie lets out another cough, this seems to be her attempt at a sigh of relief.

How you get out, you can’t remember. But you do.

Ellie leaves Jackson. But you’ve already gone before then.

You can’t deal with all the looks from everyone. And what you gather to be a disappointed look from Maria when you bring Tommy in.

You aren’t far from it, instead just living in the woods.

You go to the same part of the water you went to clean yourself in after Henry and Sam died. You don’t really care you’re stealing the Jackson community water technically, you just use it.

You figure this will all help clear your head. It’s neutral.

Maria comes to visit you, bringing some extra supplies. You just thank her.

She updates you on Tommy. Even tells you they split.

You just give her your condolences and go back to your little hobbit existence. Just you and a tent.

The final time Maria visits you, it’s to ask for you to go with Tommy. He wants to visit Ellie.

“I think she could use your company, too.”

Maria is still family; as is Tommy; as is Ellie.

You have to pick up the load now that Maria shares.

“Ok,” you say, voice croaky from a few months of disuse.

“Thank you,” she says. You nod.

She smiles a bit, happy that you’re somewhat in good standing with each other.

Tommy tries to make conversation with you, but you ignore him the whole ride down.

You help him off his horse and send him up the stairs first to the door.

You take in the place. It’s got a nice view. They’ve done well for themselves.

Dina greets you warmly.

“Hey, Y/N,” she says, giving you a hug.

“Hey, hon,” you say, hugging her back.

She takes a look at you, looking at your face and moving it around with her hands, “you had it rough, huh?” her voice is soft, unjudging.

“Sort of?” you say, unsure of how else to answer.

“Well, sit down. We’ll get you cleaned up.”

Then Ellie comes in, with a baby.

She pauses at seeing you both, but a whole flood of emotions comes to her when she locks eyes with you.

“Hey,” is all she can get out.

“Hey,” you say.

It’s all going ok. Then Abby is mentioned again, and the mood turns sour.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” you say, hand going down your face.

“Now, don’t you fucking start –” Tommy starts to say.

“We ain’t doing this, Tom. You said you wanted to talk to her.”

“I am,” he protests, though does note your lack of ‘Uncle’ being used, “that’s all we doing.”

“Is it hell,” you say, trying to not teach the kid bad words this early. Like your dad did with you and Sarah.

“Oh, so now you wanna talk, huh?” Tommy challenges.

“We ain’t doing this here. Especially not in front of the kid,” you say, pointing to JJ. He grabs you finger, cooing as he moves it around. You move a bit closer, hand going through his hair, as your eyes stay on Tommy.

“Can you hold him?” Dina asks. You do. He complains at first, being away from his mother, but settles into you in the next moment. Dina takes Tommy outside.

“You’re a natural,” Ellie says, somewhat brightly. You start to rock from side to side gently as JJ settles even more, head on your shoulder.

“Yeah. Somehow,” you joke. Ellie scoffs humorously.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” she means it.

“Ditto,” as do you.

The silence is awkward, and you see her eyes go to the map.

“Don’t,” you say, “don’t mess this up.” At ‘this’ you swirl your finger around the area.

“Ok,” she says. You look into her eyes that flicker down to the map every so often. You’re looking for signs of bullshit. You find some. You just don’t say anything.

“Ok,” you say.

Tommy leaves, but you stay the night. You get to know your nephew a bit more. He’s lively.

Dina and Ellie both show you around the farm. The sheep are nice. They help calm you down. Even JJ loves petting them.

Dinner is nice. They can both cook. You both even dance a bit. Just minus bigots being there, even better!

Then comes to bed. They show you your bedroom. You thank them and head in.

Early in the morning, you head downstairs, taking the map and putting it in your bag.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks, coming downstairs, Joel's jacket over her shoulders.

“Trying, one last time.”

“To do what?”

“To stop you from this spiral being complete.”

“I’m not spiralling, Y/N. I’m hurting, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

You sigh, sitting down, “You know, back in the old world, they had things called therapists. You ever heard of them?” she shakes her head, “they’d talk to you, try to help you find a way through. I’m sure there are some who would fit that role your age without knowing the turn, or just people my age who became them, but the talking bit I can do.”

“I don’t want to talk. Give me the map.”

“So you can run off and get killed?”

“I won’t get killed.”

“How’s that?”

“You and Joel showed me how to survive.”

“And anyone can get a lucky shot in. I mean, Christ, look at Tommy, a bullet through the head should’ve killed him.”

“But he’s still alive. And so are you. I don’t want anyone else to almost die because of me.” you can hear the slight crack in her voice.

You know you could keep doing this with her. Going in circles. Your own spiral.

But, you’ve drained yourself.

So, you stand up, and take the map out of the bag.

You see Dina peak from around the corner, but you’re quick in your eyes going back to Ellie, who is watching you, eyes glassy, and tense.

You approach her, and put the map into her hand, “I love you, Ellie. Far as I’m concerned, you’re my blood,” you grab her face in your hands, “You always will be, ok? But, if you do this, I won’t be here when you get back.”

Either timeline her brain cooks up as to that meaning scares her.

“Ok,” she says, even as her voice wobbles and tears threaten to fall. She takes the map and goes to her bag. You hear her sniffle from the kitchen.

You turn to Dina, and knock your head to the kitchen. She goes down. You sit on the chair in the living room as they share a goodbye.

Dina then comes back, you hug her. You hear the back door close. Ellie seemingly didn’t want to confront you again.

“What…what happens now?” Dina asks you in hiccups.

You kiss her head, “well, I’m gonna get some supplies from Jackson, and go back to my little home.”

“Can you…can you help me move some things back there, please?”

You hug her a bit tighter, “course, kiddo.”

“Thank you,” she says as you pull apart.

You smile down at her, “you’re family,” is all you say.

The three of you head to Jackson, you help Dina set up in her room.

“Thank you. I mean it. Please visit, that’s all I ask. Don’t do that other way out. Please.”

You sadly smile at her, “I’ll do my best on the last part. I’ll swing by, though. Promise.”

“Ok…ok,” she hugs you again.

“I think you would’ve liked my sister,” she says, voice muffled by her shirt.

“Bet I would’ve,” you agree.

You go back to your tent; luckily, nothing has happened to it.

You go on a hunt and start skinning your deer. You hear a twig snap, and a quiet “shit” from the person you know who broke it.

You continue skinning, then start cooking. Ellie takes a seat on the log.

You look at her, seeing her casual clothing, and that she’s missing two fingers.

You don’t say anything. She watches you, eyes going to the fire every so often, fingers playing with themselves.

Wordlessly, you hold out a small cup of water. She takes it, and drinks from it, before handing it back to you.

It is then replaced with some meat.

She eats, then looks back to the water.

She feels something hit her feet. Looking down, she sees a sleeping back. Looking back up, she sees you trying to do another tent.

She finishes her food, and approaches you, “I’ve got it,” her voice quiet, drained, hurt.

You don’t look at her as you go with your own food.

“Can you help me, please?” she asks. You pause, putting your food back into the bowl, before getting up and helping to finish her tent.

“Thank you,” she says. You nod, before finishing your meal.

You then set up your sound traps.

“Is that like Bill’s?” she asks.

“Yup,” you answer.

“Cool,” she says.

You just nod.

Once they’re done, you retire to bed yourself.

Ellie stays up, just looking at the fire, then down at her fingers that can no longer play the guitar.

She goes into her tent. The bed isn’t too uncomfortable. Yet she’s still restless.

She hears you snore a bit from the tent diagonal from her.

She shuts her eyes. In her mind’s eye is one of you, her, and Joel having a snowball fight. It’s nice. Warm. Fuzzy. Happy.

You have a dream of Sarah. Of one time of you both comforting each other after a sad film, just holding each other and crying. It’s sad but comforting.

The dream changes, Ellie comes and sits next to you, and a new movie starts: Curtis and Viper 2.

You all pull up the shared blanket.

It’s a dream, you know that.

Yet you find comfort in it.

It drowns out what’s actually happened. What’s actually been lost.

The illusion will shatter as soon as you wake, as it always does.

But you hope you can dream a bit longer.

Escape the broken bonds you have to go back to at some point.

The sad existence you live.

The emptiness you feel.

The one your sister has too.

Maybe you can overcome it, one day.

But you both know that day is far away.

And it terrifies you both…

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x platonic!reader #ellie williams x you #last of us imagine #last of us x reader #ellie williams imagine #platonic!reader #platonic reader

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gabriellerudessa · 9 days

Text

Compass (Norm Maclean x OC) - Part XXXIII

"He let out a breath and swallowed. More than when in the old LA region, he had seen the signs of people, civilization, as they walked through the road, had seen Filly, and Norm had thought he had an idea of what he was about to see in The Hub.

He had been so wrong.

Filly and his imagination didn’t even scratch the surface of what he was seeing. He had known for weeks already that Reclamation Day and everything associated was lie, but the sight in front of him just solidified it in a way that was hard to overcome.

How exactly Vault-Tec intended to deal with those, bring civilization? It wasn’t something in short supply. It wasn’t exactly peaceful or easy, he admitted, but it was civilization."

PLAYLIST ON YOUTUBE

Word Count: 4.379

Warning: None I think

XXXIII

The next few days were more of a blur, filled with walking along the Long 15, crossing ruins and settlements and speeding past caravans and merchants going back and forth, with radstorm clouds moving in the horizon, generally above the road and seeming to move towards the Mojave or generally north.

There were enough settlements that they managed to spend all nights in closed doors. First they lurked and asked well-aimed questions, enough to confirm that Lucy and The Ghoul had passed through, the dog following them. They would also get news about the radstorms, which had plagued the Long 15 in the previous weeks, and it all was enough to conclude that they were being delayed by those, the answers putting them passing through “a week and a half ago”, instead of two weeks.

Marigold wondered if Andrea had made some special petition to Atom too, so the radstorms would cause enough trouble that Lucy’s travel would be delayed.

And then, after all that, they would pay for a room for the night – and Norm would trade for some flora-based ingredients. None of the rooms were as well cared as the one in the crossroads, but it was enough that they had a night of safe privacy.

It was almost weird, because while Marigold was totally down to have sex with Norm again, and those nights would be ideal for it… The reassurance that they loved each other and weren’t on a countdown anymore made her lazy in her affections, more focused on just cuddling with him and talking, discovering more about each other – she was still a little shocked that he was five years younger than her –, hearing him read for her. Some moments she messed up his hair or left small hickeys in the strip of skin not covered by his suit’s collar. Others, Norm would sink his hands under her clothes and pull her close by her waist and hips, the warmth against naked skin more comforting then arousing.

And, usually when she was almost asleep, he whispered “I love you” against her ear. It made her smile so big her cheeks hurt, kissing him and whispering the same against his lips.

---------

The third night after the crossroads they noticed their supplies of healing powder were getting low as they went to verify Norm’s leg. They both sighed, all thoughts of a lazy night away as Norm started piling up Broc flowers and Xander roots, collected and traded alike, and she took her bowls.

Norm started on the Broc flowers in one bowl, while she minced the Xander roots in the other, humming, missing the radio from the crossroads. Their thighs kept in contact as they worked, but it was overall silent and comfortable.

“Hey, love, can you get my canteen, please?” Norm’s hand was extended, the other still using the fork’s handle to macerate the flowers.

Marigold automatically stretched to reach his sidebag, and just as she caught the canteen her brain processed the “love”, and she stopped, blinking, warmth rising along her neck, heart stuttering for one moment.

Love. Sure, he had been saying he did love her, but that absentminded reminder was sweet.

Norm’s head was turning to her when Marigold unfroze, kissing his lips firmly, her smile so big she felt ridiculous, carefully landing the canteen in his hand.

“Here it is, my beloved.” She whispered against him.

Norm blinked at her, cheeks suddenly so red she got worried for one moment.

“Another pet name?”

“Fair trade, you just called me ‘love’.” She grinned and somehow he got redder. Cute.

“Really?”

She nodded, pecking his lips.

“Oh.” His mouth opened and closed and opened again. “Why ‘my’? Not complaining, but I thought I was the jealous one.” Norm managed a grin, some playful sarcasm in his voice.

Marigold’s grin melted into a smaller smile, free hand cupping his cheek. It wasn’t something she really thought through, but after some seconds she had some answer..

“Can’t say with certainty. I guess it’s because you’re mine to protect, keep alive, love.” She shrugged slowly.

He smiled back, gentle, and kissed her, long, firm and sweet, before returning to making the healing powder. She would never tire of those.

---------

During the afternoon of the fifth day after leaving the crossroads, they saw the first signs of the city: farms that started dotting the sides of the road with armed guards, the Long 15 slowly becoming more crowded, the merchants and caravans unable to walk as fast as before. And then they reached The Hub proper, and Norm blinked, eyes going back and forth on the old pre-war buildings and newer ones, made of metal and concrete and wood and looking beat up by the weather. Ratty flags flew in the wind and the entrance was bustling with activity, people, ghouls and Brahmins walking around, trying to get into the city.

He let out a breath and swallowed. More than when in the old LA region, he had seen the signs of people, civilization, as they walked through the road, had seen Filly, and Norm had thought he had an idea of what he was about to see in The Hub.

He had been so wrong.

How exactly Vault-Tec intended to deal with those, bring civilization? It wasn’t something in short supply. It wasn’t exactly peaceful or easy, he admitted, but it was civilization.

“That’s how Shady Sands was?”

“I… I really don’t know, Norm-boy. Never visited it before it was blown out.” Marigold answered quietly, and he squeezed her hand.

“When Andrea described… I didn’t imagine it like this.”

“Yeah… She definitely fails in making it sound as busy. Did she tell anything more specific about here, beyond ‘busy and don’t get lost’?”

“Actually, yes. A place called Salty Men, where we can pass the night.” He squeezed her hand again and looked up at Marigold. There was faint recognition in her face, but nothing deep. “It’s also on the Long 15, on the other side of the city from what Andrea said, so maybe it’s a good bet to ask about Lucy there too.”

“Then let’s go.”

---------

Their progress through the road was slow, the sun dipping in the sky, but they managed to keep to the Long 15, her size and posture making common people open the path, the armed guards ambling about nodding at her with something akin to respect, even if they kept a wary eye on them. Even in such a busy place few people were as tall or muscled, at least from what they saw.

Norm pulled on her hand and pointed to a concrete and wood building to the side, tall and well-put together, a well-made metal plaque above the door with something written that she didn’t bother with trying to read. People went in and left the place, most looking like traders of some type.

“There, Salty Men.” They started towards the building, steps fast. “The owners are Gustav and Nicholas. Andrea said they’re trustful.”

“Oh, those names I remember. Ed always complains that playing caravan against either of them is a nightmare.”

“Caravan?”

“A card game. Ed tried to teach me a bunch of times but I never really got it.” She shrugged and then Norm was pushing the door open.

The saloon was big and open, tables with chairs spread around the sides and leaving the middle free, a long bar counter in the back with stairs leading up beside it. To the left wall, a wooden target that a group of people took turns throwing darts and shooting with a BB-Gun and a cross-bow. Against the right wall, a small platform. A small three-people band was above it, a woman singing and playing a guitar, another sitting at an old piano, and a man on a small set of drums, their music jaunty, lively, even if a bit out of tune.

The place was bustling with people, sitting down at the tables and counter with bottles and glasses, playing cards, dancing in the middle of the floor. She also noticed that some of the men and women were probably the local whores, prowling amidst the dancing people.

Marigold felt a bittersweet pang. The bar in Filly usually had someone singing and playing the guitar – it was the easiest instrument to fabricate and learn in the Wasteland, followed by flutes –, it could get just as busy, and it was where the whores most liked to prowl. She wondered if the Brotherhood intended to end with it. She hoped not.

A look at Norm showed he was grinning and shaking his head slightly.

“What?”

“The parties in the Vault were never this lively.”

Marigold laughed and squeezed his hand, guiding their path towards the counter without getting into the middle of dancing people – even if her feet itched to get into it, the rhythm easy to follow –, sidestepping the group around the target.

“And this isn’t even a party, Norm-boy.” She managed, even as an idea popped on her mind as they passed the group arguing results and the target full of holes.

He laughed too, and then they were leaning against the counter, Norm pulling himself on one of the benches. She threw a last look at the target.

A man with a stained apron and an easy, gap-toothed smile, immediately approached.

“What you’ll have?”

“Clean water, two bottles.” She immediately said; she still regretted the time she had lost that night in the crossroads because she wasn’t twenty anymore and alcohol made her sleepy fast.

Besides, she wanted to be in total control of herself if her idea worked.

“On it. Anything else? My dad makes some mean molerat meatballs with tato sauce.”

Ooooh, that sounded good.

“That too, for two.” Norm answered for them, squeezing her hand. He clearly had gotten good at reading her face. “And talk with Nicholas and Gustav, if possible?”

“I’m Nicholas, Gustav’s my father. Who’s asking?”

“Marigold Bear and Norm Maclean.”

Nicholas snapped his fingers and pointed at her before Norm said anything else.

“One of Ed’s sisters. The frightening one. You fit the description.” Frightening? What Ed had been telling his friends? “One second. Daniel!” He called into the floor, and one of the waiters approached. “Ed’s usual room is free?”

“The Ed husband to Andrea and Willow, that Ed?” Nicholas nodded and Daniel looked at her and Norm. “Yes. I’ll get it ready.”

“Thanks.” Nicholas smiled at them, rubbing his hands. “Anyway, what do you need to talk about?”

Norm sighed and set his shoulders.

“We’re following my sister’s trail. Just need to confirm she passed through here and continued along the Long 15. Andrea said you’re trustful.”

“Andrea has the sweetest tongue. That’s easy enough. What’s your sister’s name, appearance…?”

“Lucy Maclean, long dark hair, around this height. Last we know she was travelling with The Ghoul and-”

“- and a dog called Dogmeat.” That was new information, everyone else had only said “dog”. “They slept here, just a week ago. Had to leave later in the day because of a radstorm, the two of you are lucky they’re moving away. Your sister seemed very taken and surprised with the city and was very nice to the whores.”

Norm sighed and Marigold recognized it as relief. She squeezed his hand and kissed his hair.

“Many thanks, Nicholas.”

Daniel approached and handed her a key before Nicholas could say anything, a wooden keychain with the number.

“The room is ready.”

“Thanks. Hey, Norm-boy, why don’t you settle our tab while I take our things upstairs?” He nodded and she took his bags, a kiss on his temple. He whispered the number on the key for her before she walked away.

---------

Nicholas used the moment to scream in the kitchen about their food and get two bottles of water before returning.

“I was pretty sure Ed said that Marigold was one of the single sisters.” He commented as Norm counted the caps for everything – water, food, room.

“It’s very recent.” He answered, dropping the amount in Nicholas extended hand.

The money disappeared and then Nicholas was grinning and waggling his eyebrows suggestively; it was enough for Norm to feel warmth rising through his neck. For God’s sake.

“Atta boy. Your game must be strong, Ed always made her sound fucking terrifying, carrying radstag carcasses as if they weight nothing, skinning things in half the usual time, strangling raiders…” Nicholas shivered. “Actually I think he downplayed her size.”

Norm blinked and grinned, a weird sense of proudness at the way he had described Marigold, and leaned towards Nicholas, elbows on the counter.

“Wait… Are you afraid of her?”

Nicholas spluttered and grinned.

“I call it healthy respect. Fear I have of Willow’s Root-Curses.”

“Wait until Marigold sneaks on you without a sound.” Norm raised a proud eyebrow and Nicholas blinked at him.

“She can do that? With how big she is?!” Norm shrugged, still grinning. “Fuck. You have steel balls and your woman if even more of a badass than I had thought.”

Norm dry-swallowed, his heart hammering as his brain tried to process the fact that Nicholas had called Marigold his woman. Sure, they hadn’t put any label on it yet, but damn, why his brain and his body had to act like that at simple words?

Nicholas’ eyes moved to the side and he grinned, reaching out to tap his shoulder.

“You’re in trouble. Good luck.” And then he was leaving, just the bottles of water behind.

Norm blinked at his retreating back, more confused yet. He started to look back, wondering what had attracted the man’s attention…

His eyes immediately landed on Marigold, walking towards his place, and his brain fizzled like TV static. The red skirt swished around her legs, a glimpse of her knees between the hem and her boots, and sure, he would’ve preferred pants showing her thighs and butt, but it was the upper torso that stole his attention: a formal shirt, deep crimson with silver buttons, form fitting, her waist and hips so visible his fingers itched to hold. The main attraction were the sleeves, long, billowy, sheer enough that he could see the outline of her thick arms.

Marigold got one of the water bottles, opened it and leaned her back against the counter, the elbow of the arm closest to him on it, giving him a perfect view of how her muscles flexed, scars and all, and how her torso arched slightly, the outline of her nipples becoming visible – fuck. His mouth watered and he swallowed, arousal a forest fire down his body, and Norm was sure that, if Marigold hadn’t gotten before how much he enjoyed her strength, she had gotten it at that moment.

Norm forced himself to look back at her face, noticing the remade braid neatly over her shoulder, and Marigold gave him the extra trouble cheeky grin, lipstick freshly reapplied, before taking a sip of the water.

Nicholas words bubbled to the surface. His woman. Damn it, but he was tempted to use those words aloud.

“I-” His voice failed and he cleaned his throat, hearing a snicker somewhere behind him. He bet it was Nicholas nosing around. “I don’t remember this shirt from what Willow separated for you.”

“Birthday gift from Ed.”

“Oh.” There was no way Ed knew how he would react. Probably had just decided on something that would look amazing on his sister. “I thought there were still some months.” He managed belatedly.

“He decided on anticipating, with me travelling with you and so on.” She capped back the bottle. “I’ll dance a little, while the food doesn’t arrive. Unless you really want my company righty now…?”

A natural smile appeared on his face and he caught her hand, squeezing it.

“I think I can deal with some time alone. Go have some fun.”

Marigold’s grin became a genuine smile and she leaned in, pecking his lips and sauntering away.

Norm followed her with his eyes, the arousal along his body cooling some; she easily towered over most people in the room, attracting looks a bunch of people around. His stomach churned, the feeling heavy, and his hand itched to reach for the knife in his boot. Damned jealousy. Damn reaction to Nicholas’ words.

Then she started dancing, in a place not as full, easy for him to see her. She twirled and tapped her feet and moved alongside the rhythm with an ease that filled the eyes and made him sigh and forget the others looking. He got more comfortable in the bench and leaned his back against the counter, holding the bottles, small smile on his face.

Dancing Marigold got, and damn well indeed. He was happy to watch her, drink in her energy, noticing all the moments she looked at him, grinning and winking and blowing kisses. Happy to have him watch, not trying to talk him into dancing with her.

Norm was happy that she remembered he disliked dancing. Besides, he didn’t have the barest idea of how to dance like that. It was enough to watch her.

Someone crossed in front of him, a large hat hanging around their back and sat on the bench beside him with a heavy sight. Norm threw a look without turning his head, enough to recognize a ghoul, no nose, skin heavily scarred and missing from some places… With the signs of a thin moustache above the lips. They had passed some on the road, but the words had remained just the common cordial ones when necessary, some distance between them. It was still weird to see one so close and not feral, so unlike the day Nip-Nip had captured them.

“Any problem, chico?” A grave masculine voice, not raspy as the others he had briefly met.

“No, sorry.” He looked back towards Marigold, resisting the will of shrinking his shoulders as he felt the man watch him.

“Ah, a Vaultie.” Norm looked down at his Pip-Boy, sighed and nodded, turning slightly his head. The ghoul still watched him, the cataract covered eyes neutral. “Never saw a ghoul before?”

“Not many. Sorry again.”

“Nah, it’s fine. You’re just curious, I get.” The man turned on the bench, watching the room, and Norm caught Marigold’s eyes.

She still danced, but raised an eyebrow at him. He shook his head – everything’s fine, allow me to keep drinking in your happiness – and she threw herself back into it all.

“The one in red with a skirt, that’s your woman?”

That again.

“We… We haven’t, like…” his heart was hammering again and he felt like a fool for stuttering and for the warmth along his neck and cheeks, as if they hadn’t had sex and admitted they loved each other and called each other “love” and “my beloved” when they least expected. Damn it, Norm. The ghoul chuckled lowly.

“Not official yet?” Norm shook his head and the ghoul chuckled again.

There was a moment of silence between them and Marigold captured his eyes, winked and blew him a kiss; the warmth in his cheeks worsened, now that he knew the ghoul was watching it all.

“This old pre-war ghoul has a council, chico.”

“Pre-war? You don’t look a day over hundred.” Norm tested the waters, head turning slightly, and the man laughed.

“Good, chico, good.” He fixed himself, back against the counter, eyes on the throng of people dancing with a slight smile in his thin, burned out and scarred lips. Norm did the same, eyes on Marigold, arms locked with a redheaded woman as the two twirled fast along the song. “Don’t take too long to make it official if you really like each other, even if only between yourselves. And with the way she’s looking at you, she’s head over heels. And you-”

“Swept off my feet. That’s what she said she was trying to do.” He gave a small smile and the ghoul laughed once more.

In the floor, Marigold and the redhead did a complicated choreography of claps and throwing legs and twists and other movements he didn’t know how to describe that fit perfectly with the rhythm of the music.

Where she had learned to dance like that?

“It seems she was successful.”

“Absolutely.”

The ghoul laughed some more, then it died into a sigh.

“Grab what you love and keep it close, chico. This Wasteland’s too fond of taking things away.”

Norm blinked at Marigold, the song changing and her and the redheaded changing paths. She smiled at him and blew a kiss before starting moving again.

“Thank you.”

“Happy to help.” The ghoul got up. “Now I better-”

“It’s your turn.” A woman appeared out of nowhere, in a pretty flowing dress, big smile deepening some of the wrinkles starting to appear in her face, locking her arm with the ghoul’s.

“Oh, c’mon, the sun is setting-” She started dragging the ghoul and Norm watched. The ghoul didn’t resist too much.

“Everyone participates, you know Anya.”

“The Boss always forgets my knees hurt after sunset.” The ghoul complained, a grin on his face. He noticed Norm watching and winked. So fake complaining.

They ended amidst the group using the target, and it was clear the camaraderie between them. Old friends, something family-like in how they pushed and pulled each other.

He looked back at Marigold, still spinning, not seeming half as tired as he would imagine. That wasn’t “liking a bit”, that was loving it, and he smiled, shoulders relaxing.

“Grab what you love and keep it close”, it repeated in his mind, and he let out a trembling breath. It put into perspective their discussion about “people just decide they’re married and that’s it”.

His woman. Two strangers had said it. He wondered if people talking with Marigold would call him “her man”, and his heart hammered inside his chest.

Not a chore. Not for the Vault, for a community in which he never quite fit…

For them, for how she had feared she was dreaming when he first said “I love you” back, for how damn happy he had been at hearing it, for how they kept each other alive and for their sheer, mutual fear of losing each other. For how “love” and “my beloved” had slipped so easily in their day-to-day.

It was obvious, put it like that.

He was an idiot for not getting it earlier.

“Here’s your food… Norm, right?” Nicholas called and Norm looked above his shoulder, two plates of food on the counter.

“Right. Thank you, Nicholas.”

Marigold touched his shoulder, and Norm saw the beads of sweat on her temples and dripping down her neck, breasts briefly stretching the fabric as she panted. Her smile remained and Norm resisted the temptation of leaning in and kissing her neck, tasting the salt on her skin.

“The bottle, please?” He gave her the one she had already opened, and she sat down, draining it. “Thanks. Thanks too, Nicholas.”

---------

They ate sitting by the counter, her leg touching his under it, talking with Nicholas – he was both curious and worried about Willow’s pregnancy, wanting to verify she had arrived well in the Boneyard. Half of Norm’s mind was on the half formed decision, still unsure of how to broach the subject.

Norm was finishing his plate when Marigold leaned a bit more over the counter.

“Hey, Nicholas, what’s the rules about the target?”

Target…?

Oh, where the ghoul and his friends were shooting with darts, cross-bow and BB-gun.

“Eh, not much. You just pay the ammo.”

She couldn’t mean to…

“Good. Twenty BB-pellets.”

He heard caps hitting the counter and started to turn his head… Then she was holding his chin, keeping his head in place, and Norm felt her lips graze his ear.

“Not exactly the private show I was hoping for, but I hope you’ll still enjoy it, my dearest.” A shiver along his back with her whisper, and a persistent kiss against his cheek. The earlier arousal returned with a vengeance, burning a path down his stomach, his neck and cheeks hot.

Marigold started to retreat and he grabbed at her hand and braid, searching her eyes.

“Marigold…” He didn’t know what to say, what to think, his brain swerving violently from his previous thoughts.

She met his eyes, the grin and flirting melting into worry.

“Norm-boy? I’m sorry, this… You’re uncomfortable with it? Then forget-”

“Wait.” He cut her, fingers flexing in her hair, and she just watched him.

Was he uncomfortable, with seeing her shooting in a room full of people, knowing how it affected him? No. Not exactly, at least. Was he terrified of something embarrassing happening before they could reach their room? Absolutely. Was he confused because he had been trying to think of how to ask her that he wanted them to be something official? So damn much.

He blinked, eyes again on her shirt. Norm could picture in his mind, how she would look shooting with it, the flexing muscles of her arms visible, together with her focus and ability… The pang of arousal down his body was almost painful and he was glad by the coat, otherwise his half-erection would be noticeable.

Marigold had thought that through. She wanted to do that, knew it was something he liked. “Grab what you love and keep it close”, that was definitely one way of her doing it.

Yeah, it wasn’t private, but they were in a safe-ish, controlled place, where she wasn’t shooting at things that could kill them. He absolutely understood her reasoning.

Norm swallowed, pulling her for a fast, hard kiss.

“Go there and show them how it’s done, Beautiful.” He mumbled against Marigold’s lips and she grinned, teasing him with a nip before retreating.

His hands let her go and she walked towards the group using the target, a small box of ammo on one hand, steps firms, sure, and he swallowed.

#norm maclean #norm maclean x oc #fallout #fallout series #fallout prime

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votestaynight · 2 years

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8th day "Sword and Magic II"/9th day "NEO" (scene 1)

"Fuji-Nee. It's fine that you eat apples, but eat your requirements. Those oranges you bought… there's still a boxful of them."

"Aw, I remember that now…. Uhh, I'm tired of eating oranges." Fuji-Nee says this, digging her fangs… I mean, her teeth into the apples.

"What do you mean, you're tired of eating them? Remember I was against it? Even though there's only me, Sakura, and you, you bought nearly 10 mochi and 3 boxes of oranges. You buy too much just because it's New Years. There's still a box left even though it's February. If you let it rot, I'll make you pay for all of it.

"Ugh. …I'm just asking, but, how long does it take for oranges to rot?" "Oh, about 2 weeks to a month in normal temperatures. They're almost out." Well, I kept them in the ice room, so they should be good for a bit longer.

"Gah, so now's the time to eat and time to rot?" "…Fuji-Nee. Never live by yourself. Food poisoning is scary nowadays. Check the expiration date on your food and watch out for fish in the summer."

"It's fine, I'll just come to your place when that happens. You can just give me the leftovers." "…I won't give you leftovers, you idiot. You eat a lot. If you're going to come and eat, I'll prepare some for you too." I avert my gaze and start preparing dinner again.

"Hm. Then I'll make lots of money and give you money for food. You're good-for-nothing like Kiritsugu-san, so I expect you'll be always in trouble for money."

"Keep talking. …Anyways, why did you get so many oranges? You should know Sakura doesn't like those kinds of fruit, and I don't eat much either." It's a good opportunity, so I ask her a question I've been wondering since the New Year.

"Hmm, I don't know. Oh, but Orange-peko sounds good, right?" "―――――" …Well. I guess it was stupid of me to hope for a logical answer from Fuji-Nee.

Preparation for dinner ends, and the time is past seven. Fuji-Nee and Saber are in the living room, and only Tohsaka is absent.

"…I wonder if something happened to her outside." I don't think Tohsaka is the type to make that kind of mistake, but I think she does make big mistakes sometimes. "――I guess I'll go take a look." I should be fine by myself if I'm just going to go search around the house.

I exit into the hallway. The instant I try to leave, the door opens and Tohsaka in her coat arrives home.

"Tohsaka." "I'm home. What, are you greeting me in an apron? You look pretty good in it."

Tohsaka makes that humorous comment without even twitching her brow. …She's scary. People who can put on a serious face while joking are the scariest.

"Tohsaka, what were you――" As I try to ask her what happened, I notice the blood on her hand. …A small stain of blood and a swollen index finger. Could that be…?

"Tohsaka. I'm going to guess about something bad." "What? I won't listen if it's anything stupid." "It's not. Have you punched someone?"

"Correct. I gave that annoying Shinji some knuckles." Tohsaka snorts and passes by me.

"……" I see, some knuckles for Shinji. Now I understand the blood on her hand and the swelling on her finger――hang on!!!

"Hold on, hold on, hold on! What do you mean, you punched Shinji!?" "You're being loud. He was being annoying, so I beat him up."

"Beat him up… you mean, with bare knuckles?" "Bare as it can be. A grizzly bear, too." Tohsaka snorts again.

"……" "……" A brief silence. I don't know what to say, so I just shut my mouth and cause an awkward silence.

"…Let's get back to the main subject. You said you punched Shinji, but why?"

"It's only natural I punched him. He was talking about things like me joining him, and you being useless so I should give up on you. He said stupid things after calling for me, so I punched him to make him shut up."

"……" No, isn't that a little too short-tempered, Tohsaka? …Or could it be? Did Shinji say something stupid enough to even piss off the ever-calm Tohsaka?

"…Why are you looking at me like that? I'll say this, but I'm the victim here." "No, both sides are equally responsible, right? …But still, why would Shinji say something like that to you? He said he wanted me to cooperate with him."

"Who knows? Maybe he thinks of you as a rival or something. He was acting weird ever since I told him I was living with you."

"What!? Tohsaka, you told him about us!?"

"Yeah, I did. I think it was yesterday morning. Shinji called me and said proudly that he became a Master like me now. He pissed me off, so I told him that you were the same too. I thought he learned his lesson, but he was waiting outside my house for me a while ago."

"So, I told him I'm living at your house now and I didn't have any intention of cooperating with a half-assed Master like him… what, was that bad?"

"――――" That's generally bad. Shinji is very conscious of Tohsaka under normal circumstances, so this is like pouring oil onto a fire.

…Well, but still… I see, I get it now. I understand why Shinji only saw Tohsaka as the enemy, and why he kept asking her to cooperate with him. In a word, he――

"But it's strange, isn't it? I wonder why he's so fussed up about me. Judging from his personality, I wouldn't expect him to want to cooperate with anyone." ――No. It's because Tohsaka Rin is important to Matou Shinji.

"It's not strange at all. I think you're a special person for Shinji. His was a family of magi originally, right? Then――I think he admired you since you were of the lineage of a magus family like him, and you still retain the blood of it."

That's why he's persistent about Tohsaka. I think Tohsaka Rin has been a target of his affections from even before this Holy Grail War started.

"WHAT!? …Well, I am a bit happy about being liked, but still――" It must have been a real surprise, as Tohsaka stands pondering.

"…Oh, I remember. Come to think of it, Shinji asked me out when I was a first year." She makes a terrible "gah, I forgot about it" reaction. …I'll sympathize with Shinji, just for now.

"Whoa, no wonder he never gets enough of talking to me. I understand now." "…That's fine. So, how did you reply?"

"Oh, I think I rejected him. I can't stand it if I'm not the first to make a move in a contest. It's like I can't get in the mood unless I'm setting the mood, or like I don't feel like it if someone else starts a match."

Tohsaka ponders, as if she really doesn't remember. ――I'm shocked. She must really live following only her feelings.

"Tohsaka. You suck at rock, paper, scissors, right?" "Huh!? Wait, how do you know that!?" …As I thought. Of course, if she likes to make the first move, she would be weak against a later move.

"Use the soy sauce for that, Saber. Don't put mayonnaise on it, even by mistake." "――I see. Well, I saw Taiga do so, so I thought I should as well."

"……"

"Fuji-Nee is just playing around. She's not much of a reference, so be careful from now on."

"…I see. I was referencing Sakura before, so you never warned me, but…" "No, I'm not angry. I worked hard to make it, so I just want you to have it at its best. So, getting back to the original conversation…"

"……"

"Shirou, I'll take seconds. Give me lots of stuff in my miso soup." "All right. How about you, Saber? I bet you're hungry since we worked harder today."

"Not really. But I will take another just in case." "Yeah, go ahead. If you also started recklessly raiding the fridge at night because you were too hungry to sleep, I'd die of shock."

"……"

"Hey, that's terrible. I told you that wasn't me. It was some burglar that raided the fridge."

"Then could you tell that robber that she shouldn't just eat meat, but that she should eat vegetables as well? And tell her not to finish off all the desserts in the fridge as if that's what she was after. Geez, she's like a hungry animal or something." "What!? Don't call me a tiger!" "Whoa, I didn't call you that! Ow, hot! Don't throw the hot white radish, you idiot!"

"……"

"Shirou. It seems the pot in the kitchen is boiling." "Huh? Oh, hold on Fuji-Nee, I need to turn the fire off." "All right. Bring me some chicken and boiled egg in soy sauce quickly." "Roger. Then keep Fuji-nee company, Saber." "Yes. Please do not rush your cooking, Shirou."

"……"

I get up. …Oh yeah. Why has Tohsaka been quiet all this time?

"Tohsaka? Does dinner taste bad?" "No. It's nothing, so don't talk to me." She looks away sullenly. …Hmm. She's not the kind to drag that thing about Shinji out this long, so maybe something has irritated her.

Dinner ends as usual and Fuji-Nee goes home satisfied. Saber and Tohsaka are in the living room. It was an awkward mood before, but since I've trained with Saber for the past two days, it doesn't feel awkward anymore.

"Saber, you can go to bed. I'll do the rest." "No, I will stay awake until you go to sleep. I would also like to learn from Rin how skilled you are in magic."

"I see. Then let's go to Tohsaka's room a bit earlier than usual. You don't mind, Tohsaka?"

"No, I don't mind. But you are getting along much better with Saber." …? For some reason, Tohsaka says this with the same displeasure she had when we were eating dinner.

"I'll be waiting in my room, so come when you're done cleaning up. …And I'll also be skipping school from tomorrow on. So come to my place in the afternoon." Tohsaka leaves the living room, still in a bad mood.

"Shirou, did you do something to Rin? She seems angry." "Did it seem that way to you too? …I don't know. I didn't do anything to anger her."

We both look at each other and tilt our heads. We have no idea why Tohsaka's angry.

"Then to start with, go ahead and 'strengthen' this lamp. You just have to strengthen the glass on the outside." She hands me an antique lamp.

"―――――" I sit down. I take a deep breath, holding the lamp in both hands. Tohsaka speaks so easily, but I'm rigid all over with tension.

Even though I do it every night, the reality is that the success rate is below 0.1 percent. Tohsaka says she'll study the extent of my strengthening to determine the level I'm at, but she won't be able to do even that if I fail at the strengthening.

"―――――" That's no good. I shake off my idle thoughts. I concentrate my mind on the lamp.

The blueprint of the lamp emerges. I could draw a diagram of the glass's material, shape, and even the flow of strength that would correspond to blood vessels in humans. So all I have to do now is to put my magical energy into those blood vessels.

…I just have to do as I always do. The feeling of driving a burning metal rod into my backbone. All I have to do is stick that incompatible burning nerve into my body and familiarize myself with it. Once that succeeds, all I have to do is pour in the correct amount of magical energy for the glass and―――

"――Oh" I broke it. I must not have been able to control it, as I put more than the proper quantity of magical energy into it, and as a result, the glass breaks easily.

"……" I look up at Tohsaka timidly. "…As I thought. I thought this might be the case, but it really was." Tohsaka's shoulders slump.

"Hm? What do you mean you thought so?" "Isn't it obvious? I'm just dumbfounded by your lack of talent…! First of all, you don't have the basics down. Geez, I'm impressed you can produce magical energy with such a ridiculous method!"

"…Tohsaka. Are you angry?"

"Of course! I'm amazed you've kept training with such basic problems, and I even want to kill your teacher for not correcting you. Why are you taking such a long route…!?".

"…Hm. I don't get what you're saying, but don't insult my father. It's my fault that I don't have any talent, so my father has nothing to do with it."

"Of course he has something to do with this. If you take an apprentice, it's the role of the teacher to correct the student. …Well, you're right that it does no good to take it out on someone who's already gone, but still, your teacher got the first step wrong."

Still angry, Tohsaka takes out some kind of a can from her bag. It looks like a can filled with candy drops, something foreign children treasure. I've seen a lot of imitations in Japan as well. That thing that has several varieties of candy, and the white one being the mint.

"Hold out your hand, Shirou." "…?" I put out my hand. Tohsaka shakes the can and takes out a reddish candy drop.

"All right, swallow that." "…?" I put it in my mouth as instructed.

"…It's not sweet. No, it has no taste actually. And this feeling… it feels more like rock than candy.

"…Hmmm…" I forcibly swallow it down. "Oh, ouch. My throat hurts. What was that, Tohsaka?"

"It's a jewel, of course. Couldn't you tell by looking at it?" Straightforwardly. Tohsaka says something outrageous.

"A jewel, why…!?" "I can't help it. I prepared some medicine too, but that sort of thing won't work if I want to fix you. So I decided I'd just have to open the switch with the strongest one I have."

"No, that's not the point…! Why are you making me swallow a jewel!? I can't digest something like that!"

"…Hey, now. If you're going to worry about things, you should be worrying about something else. It's not a normal jewel, you know? What I gave you just now is an enforcement tool that will let you find out about what you didn't know up until now. It should start melting right about now, so be prepared, or you'll faint."

"Why are you telling me I'm gonna faint with――" Just as I say that… The abnormality hits me.

"―――――!?" My body is burning. The feeling in my limbs goes numb. A lump of heat that can only be described as pain enters my back. I have to concentrate my mind at my forehead and squeeze it, or I won't be able to stay standing.

"――What… is… this?" I know it. I know this feeling. This is a failure. This is the reaction that happens in my body when I fail to construct a Magic Circuit inside me――!

"It's all right. It must be painful, but it should gradually get better if you can maintain that condition. Well, the burning feeling will continue for about two or three weeks though." …I want to answer her back, but I don't have the energy to do so. All I can to is try with all my might to stay standing.

"Okay. The difference between a magus and a human is whether they have a switch or not. You should know that this switch is the toggle for the Magic Circuit. See, there's an electrical pot that can boil water. A magus is just like that. And a normal person is a pot that can keep the water warm, but can't boil it.

"We are similar, but different. The question of whether one has the switch or not is beyond the grasp of an individual. When we are born――no, when we are made, we are separated into insulators and kettles. A person without the switch will never be able to experience magic.

"All right? You're an amateur, but you definitely have a Magic Circuit. So that means you have the talent. So if you make the Magic Circuit within your body even once, all you have to do after that is to toggle the switch. You just have to press the switch and switch between on and off to produce magical energy."

…I calm my breathing. As Tohsaka says, it seems the situation won't get any worse if I calm myself down.

"You only have to make the Magic Circuit once. But you're trying to make the Magic Circuit from scratch and build it into you every time.

"That's just a waste. If you establish it in your body even once, all you have to do is to switch to it. …Usually, a magus who establishes a Magic Circuit next receives training to switch to it. But your teacher didn't do that. That's why you're building a Magic Circuit and risking death every time. …No, maybe your father made the same mistake as well."

I breathe out. The feelings in my limbs slowly return.

"As you've trained the wrong way for a long time, your switch is closed. If that's the case, all we can do is to open it by force and let your body know that there is a switch."

"See, the jewel just now is something that forces the switch to turn on. So you'll be like that forever. If you want to return to your original state, you'll have to turn it off with your own power. If you can do that, you won't need the jewel's help anymore. After that, you should be able to handle the Magic Circuit with a simple mental operation."

"…I get… that… but…" Can't I do anything about the heat in my body? And she talks about this switch, but what am I supposed to do?

"What, you can speak already!? …Hmm, you're good at controlling yourself. Then maybe you can return to your normal state rather quickly. The switch will automatically turn off as your body tries to calm down and tries to get comfortable again. All you have to do is hasten that process with your will. See, it's easy, right?"

"…No… like I said, I don't understand at all. You say a switch, but I don't feel anything like that."

"It'll be like that now, but you should be able to get a clear image eventually. It'll be like a button in your head. So all you have to do is switch it on, and you'll be able to open the Magic Circuit easily."

"…I hope so. I just feel really sick right now…"

"I assume so. You always shut your Magic Circuit after you used your strengthening magic, right? It's the opposite right now and your Magic Circuit is open the whole time. It's like running full speed all the time, so it's naturally painful. But that's an essential requirement to be able to call yourself a magus. If you're going to fight as a Master, toggling the switch will surely help you out."

"…I know. It was a surprise, but I'm thanking you. You're right. If I can feel this switch thing, it will certainly be a bonus."

"…You understand pretty well. But there's no need to thank me. I'm just helping you because I'm in trouble if the person I'm cooperating with is weak." Tohsaka looks away. It must be because my body is burning. Blankly, I think that the embarrassed Tohsaka is cute.

"…What? What are you staring at my face for?" "Nothing. I just thought you're not honest."

"…I see. You must have excess energy if you're able to say such things. I can continue teaching if you have that much energy, right?" Tohsaka approaches me, smiling.

"…Uh." Hold… on. Hey, I can barely move my body right now.

"So, try your 'strengthening' again. You shouldn't be able to control your magical energy right now, but you'll be of no use if you don't get used to that condition. "It's all right. I brought lots of lamps. I don't know how many times you'll screw up, but I won't let you rest until you succeed in strengthening."

Smiling, she hands the lamp to me, still barely able to move. "…Uh." Whoa… this is like telling someone with a 40 degree fever to walk on a long tightrope…

"…Geez. I didn't think I'd give up before you did." Tohsaka blames me with her glare.

"…I'm sorry." "My predictions were too optimistic. I never thought you would break all thirty. …Sorry, but that's it for today's training. There's nothing to use to measure your strengthening any more."

"…Ugh." But I did try. I tried hard with a body that's burning like I'm in a boiling kettle. I tried hard, but it's just that the "strengthening" failed in spite of that.

"…Um. If it's just the glass breaking, you can fix it, right? You fixed the broken glass window before." "It's impossible. That was something that broke normally. This broke because it couldn't endure your magical energy. Remember that it's hard to affect something that carries the magical energy of another."

"――Hm, I see." "Yeah. …Don't worry and go rest. I'll call it enough to have turned your switch on today. I'll teach you the rest when you're able to control it."

"…Phew. I'm glad I can rest, but what will you teach me after this?"

"You can only use strengthening, right? You said that's all you can use, so then, you might be able to take it up to the next level and use 'transformation'. Have you ever been taught about strengthening, transformation, and projection magic?"

"―――――Hm." …A little. Strengthening is used to strengthen something, as the word suggests. People tend to think of strengthening as hardening something, but it actually strengthens the object's effect. For example, swords will become sharper and lamps will become brighter.

I don't think I need to explain too much for transformation, either. For example, you can't create a fire with an edged weapon. That which attaches abilities beyond the normal effects is called transformation. And projection I think was―――

"…? What was projection, Tohsaka? I remember my father talking about it often."

"You know about strengthening and transformation, right? Then I would think you'd naturally know what projection is. Well, in short, it's magic that reproduces something. It's not magic that elaborates on something that's already there. Basically, it's magic that constructs something from nothing, so it's the hardest."

"Oh… but magical energy is used only once, right? So something made with 'projection' disappears quickly. Comparing a 'projected' sword made with ten magical energy and a 'strengthened' sword with one magical energy, the 'strengthened' one is stronger. You only need to work on something that's already there, so strengthening is more efficient. In that light, projection uses too much magical energy, so it's not a magic that's widely used."

"…Oh, I remember. I think my father was saying something like that. He said something about not doing it because it wasn't worth it."

"That's it. All right, let's finish up if you're done asking questions. …You seem rather unsteady, so I'll at least take you to your room."

I let her accompany me back to my room. And Saber is waiting for me at the doorway.

"Well done, both of you." "……" I don't even have the energy to respond. I answer with just a nod and enter my room.

"How is Shirou, Rin?" "Bad. He's really bad. He doesn't have the talent." It's a merciless statement, just like Tohsaka.

…And then, when I notice, I'm looking up at the night sky. Tonight, I didn't run away because I felt uneasy about Saber. I'm just feeling the night wind, finding my burning body and the things Tohsaka taught me impossible to manage.

"…But once I'm really able to use this switch thing, then the problem is only the procedure. I'm worried about the future if I'm failing so much at the easiest magic of strengthening…"

I murmur and start to put my magical energy into the plank I brought out from the shed. ――A cracking sound. The strengthening failed as I expected, and the wood has a crack in it.

"…I can even see the structure inside of it, so why can't I control my magical energy?" Tohsaka said I'm straining too much. She also said it's fine with just a small amount of magical energy, so I should just think about enforcing the weak spots in the object. …In short, does she mean I should ease up a bit?

"…I already know that without having to have her tell me." The problem is, I don't have any way to ease up. It would be great if there was some good way to relax and―― "……" Footsteps that seem to seep into the night. This presence rudely approaches me for the second time.

"…What? I don't have any business with you." "I feel the same way. But it seems Rin is worried about you, so I could not overlook it."

"……" I throw the plank away, glaring at Archer. And then, Archer picks up the plank as if he's interested in it.

"Strengthening magic, huh? But it sure is badly done." "…! Huh, I know I'm just an amateur. I feel bad for putting extra work on your Master." "No, that is not it. Even Rin is mistaken on this matter." "Huh…? What do you mean by――"

"Huh, work on something that is already there? That's aiming too high. You are not skilled enough to do such a thing." "Wha…!"

He's saying what he likes when I'm letting him…! …But he is so correct, I can't answer. It's true that I'm unskilled, and it's my fault that I cannot succeed at the magic. It's no good taking it out on this guy.

"――What? You don't have the energy you did last night?" "Shut up. I just stopped talking because you were right. It's all my fault for not being skilled enough."

I look away. I don't know how he took it. "…Hm. Maybe you are unlucky with your teachers in a way." Archer says so as if he's amazed.

"Huh…? That can't be true. My father and Tohsaka are good at teaching, so it must be me that's a bad student."

"――That is why. For you, a magus that doesn't know anything would suit you better. A genius cannot understand the agony of an ordinary person. Rin is too good a student to realize the mistake of a dropout."

"…?" I don't get what Archer wants to say. I don't get it, but to guess from his words…

"I don't get it, but I think you're looking for a fight." I'll take it right now, free of charge. "That is a mistake as well. Emiya Shirou is not fit for fighting. Because your fight is supposed to be a mental fight, a fight with your own self."

"Hm… you're saying that a fight between magi is a mental fight, right? I already know that. But still, a fight has to be exchange of blows."

"Geez. Saber will be in trouble if you are like that." Archer looks down at me seriously. In his eyes are things I haven't seen before… real dejection and anger.

"Listen carefully because I will only say this once. Look. Emiya Shirou has no chance of winning if it comes down to fighting. None of your skills will be any use against a Servant."

"…!" That's something Saber said to me. She said that no matter what kind of clever scheme I use, Emiya Shirou has no chance of victory in battle.

"In that case, at least imagine it. If it is an opponent you cannot match in real life, beat it in your imagination. If you cannot beat it yourself, imagine something that you could beat it with. ――After all, that is the only thing you can do."

"Wha―――" I don't know why. But it feels like Archer's words naturally pass into me.

I should not forget those words. I think that what this man is saying is something that should never be forgotten――

"…There is something wrong with me advising someone I need to kill. I guess the kindness of Rin has transferred to me." Archer disappears suddenly. Archer was just supposed to keep watch. I bet he jumped back onto the roof where it's fit for keeping watch.

"…What's with him?" I complain at the guy that disappeared. There's no reply. Ruminating on the words that linger horribly in my head, I feel the cold winter air on my burning body.

…I'm dreaming. It must be because my blood is hot and my body is pulsing. I am reliving the scene I don't need to remember.

It's my oldest memory. At the same time, it is a memory that can't be separated from me. A scene from ten years ago that never goes away, even though I usually never recall it. It's not that I forgot it. It's not that I want to forget it. For me, it is just something that has already happened.

So it's not something I feel pain over. It's not something I feel particularly angry about.

What's past is past. I cannot redo it, nor go back to it. I have escaped from that scene and still continue to live. All I can do is look forward.

…No one told me to. I just vaguely thought like this ever since I was a child. Not forgetting or denying the past. The only way to make use of what has gone away is to acknowledge it―――

"Ah――uh." I wake up because of the burning heat in my body. …How long was I asleep? I guess I fell asleep while feeling the night wind, without returning to my room.

In the dim shed, there's me and―――

"…! Saber…!?" "You have awakened, Shirou. I do not mind you escaping out of your room, but it is slovenly for you to sleep here." ――There is Saber's figure, looking like she wants to complain to me.

"Oh, morning. Well, I was hot last night and went outside, so I guess I fell asleep then."

"I can tell. Please do not worry about excuses, but take more care next time. My position will be in question if my Master sleeps in a place like this."

"Ugh… sorry, I'll try to sleep in my room as much as possible from now on." "If you understand, I am glad. By the way, Shirou. Taiga has been calling for you."

"Fuji-Nee is? What would she want me for?" "It must be about breakfast. It is already past time for breakfast." "Eh――whoa, it's already past seven…!? Damn, I overslept…!"

"It seems so. It is unusual for you to wake up last. Rin's training last night must have tired you quite a lot." Saber analyzes the situation calmly. But I don't have that much composure.

"Sorry for making you wake me up, but could you go back first? I'll change and head to the kitchen too." "Yes. Then I shall try to calm Taiga down as much as possible."

Saber leaves with calm footsteps. But, calm down Fuji-Nee…? Saber has already adapted quite well to the mornings at our house.

I run into the kitchen. Ignoring Fuji-Nee's vilification, I prepare breakfast in about five minutes.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. There isn't much time till school starts, so eat quickly." I put the breakfast onto the table. "Wha――" And then.

"What is this!!?" Fuji-Nee explodes.

"What is this!? There's only toast! Shirou, why is this the only thing for breakfast…!?"

"…Hey now, I slept in, so it can't be helped. There's no time to make anything else. Anyways, a meal with bread is basically just this. We're just missing salad and egg, so there's not much difference."

"Of course there's a difference! Don't the rest of you think so too!?" Fuji-Nee asks Tohsaka and Saber, who are eating silently. But she shouldn't be so optimistic. Those two aren't as greedy as Fuji-Nee is. They won't agree with her.

"…You're right. I'm not Fujimura-Sensei, but I cannot forgive such laziness. I can only consider this an insult to the bread." …Hey, hold on. I thought you don't usually eat breakfast!

"………Sigh." Whoa, what was that sigh that sounded like obvious disappointment!? Did your character change, Saber!?

"See, everyone agrees Shirou is the one at fault. It's decided by majority rule, so go and make a proper breakfast when you've repented your actions." "I can't follow such an unfair match! First of all, you'll be late if I make something now. It's already seven thirty. You won't make it in time unless you run while eating, so I suggest you give up on that idea!"

"It's fine. If I have to choose between being late and being hungry, I'll choose breakfast." "Don't do that! What teacher in the world would do that…!? It's fine, so eat and go to school quickly. I'll tell you this, but I won't be cooking any breakfast other than this."

"Hmmm. Geez, you're diligent in the weirdest places. If you keep talking like an old man, you'll become really old quickly."

"You don't need to tell me. I already have the tastes of an old man because of you, Fuji-Nee." So saying, I start eating my toast. …Well, it's true. There is something desolate about having only toast for breakfast when there's this many people.

The sounds of the shinais echo. The substance of the fight is the same as always.

I attack desperately, while Saber blocks my blows easily and counters with an attack twice as sharp as mine. I manage to block it, attack even stronger, and lose――we are repeating the same match over and over.

"Ha――Haa, haa, hah." I stand still and breathe deeply. Wiping the sweat off my forehead with my arm, I calm my breathing.

"What are you resting for? You would not have given up at this point yesterday. Here, come attack me."

"No――hold on. I need to catch my breath. Let's rest a bit."

"What are you saying? If you will not attack, I will just attack. You do not mind that?" Saber stares at her bad student. But I cannot move my body to my satisfaction, even if she looks at me that way.

"…Sigh. What has gotten into you, Shirou? You are like a different person from yesterday. Your blows that came straight for me were the only thing that amazed me, but I do not feel any power from you this morning."

"…I know that myself, but… I just can't do too well." Well, uh, the situation is too different from yesterday.

"Is the heat in your body still present? But it is no good if your performance decreases just because of that. Please cool down a bit and calm your mind."

"――No. Before that, do something about that thing." I point to the observer by the wall.

"What? Don't mind me and just continue your training."

"……" Tohsaka doesn't understand at all. When she's staring at me like that, I can't concentrate on fighting with Saber.

"You are worried about Rin? That proves even more of your lack of training. "…I understand. In that case, I will make it so that you will not worry about observers." Saber grips her shinai hard.

"Whoa, hold on Saber, my breath isn't――" "There is no problem. You should fix such a problem during battle." Saber disappears from my view.

"――!" The instant I realize this is bad and block my face, Saber's shinai hits me right on my head.

…And so, the training this morning was severe. I wasn't worried about Tohsaka watching after I got knocked out once. As I devoted myself to blocking Saber's blows, it was lunchtime before I knew it.

"But man, Saber really is calm. You didn't even twitch your brow during the whole three hours you fought with Shirou. You don't talk much normally, but it's even more true when you're in a battle. It feels like you're a machine or something."

Tohsaka is in a good mood, I think because she saw me getting beat around a lot. The two are in the living room, resting. As for me, I'm preparing lunch by myself as a punishment for not being serious this morning. …Geez. I want to cut corners and finish quickly by making something like white noodles.

"Machine-like…? I see, I have never been conscious of it, but I may be turning off my emotions while I wield the sword. It must be the same even in training."

"Hmm. Could that be in preparation for holding a sword even though you're a girl? Like, not losing in spirit because you're inferior in physique?"

"That is incorrect, Rin. Being calm is part of readiness for battle, but that should be no different for a man or a woman. Even you should shut down your emotions during battle. You are the kind who is able to."

"Hm… you're pretty direct. Well, it's true, though. But yours is definitely different from mine. I only shut out my generosity. I can't be as objective as you are."

"It seems so. That must be why you are so gorgeous. You keep the elegance of a woman even during battle."

"What, is that sarcasm? I can't beat you in gorgeousness. …I'll admit it since Shirou is way over there, but I was fascinated by your beauty when I first saw you." …No, I can hear you, Tohsaka.

"――You must have been misunderstanding. If my figure looked gorgeous, it must be that my class of Saber looked gorgeous."

"That's not it. I just felt like I've lost as a woman. …I wouldn't have been so shocked otherwise."

"…I am saying that you are mistaken. I have never thought of myself as a woman, and I have never been treated as one. It cannot be true that I am gorgeous."

Saber's comment stops the conversation. "―――――" As I use the kitchen knife, I feel irritated by Saber's comment.

"…I've been wondering for a while, but just what does she think she is?" I take a big swing at the chicken meat. For some reason, I'm getting annoyed.

――I have never thought of myself as a woman

"――Heh. It's none of my business…!" I strike hard at the cutting board with my knife. But doing so doesn't make me feel even one bit better.

"These are today's task. We've got more than yesterday and you seem calmer today, so you should succeed."

I don't know how she brought them here, but Tohsaka brings out about forty lamps.

"I'm going outside. I'll be back in a while, so finish up by then." Saying goodbye, Tohsaka leaves the room.

"――Sigh." Well. Yesterday night was bad, so I should at least succeed at one or two tonight.

"…Phew. Half done, for now." It took me one hour to try "strengthening" on about twenty lamps. Half of them broke, and the other half showed no change. But out of the ones that didn't break, five of them had magical energy successfully channeled into them. All I have to do now is to challenge the twenty that are left, but――

"…… Hold on. Maybe five is enough as a test?" It seems like all the lamps are antiques. I feel bad about breaking any more of them.

"…Hmm." Yeah, I should――

#votestaynight #fate #fate stay/night #fate route

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oliviasecrets · 1 year

Text

This is life

Oh no

Those where my first words once I saw the headlines

“The new it girl taken?! “

“Kentucky Rapper and Y/N Y/L/N take on the red carpet”

“Your favorite model is now taken sorry guys better luck next time”

———————————————-

It’s the day after your new Calvin Klein line red carpet and oh boy what a hell of a day was coming for you

“Please Liv pick up please please”

The number you are calling is now available

Oh fuck me, okay I have to do something about this but first let me take a cold shower to really wake up from this nightmare

Sweet Disposition by the temper trap playing on the background while you were doing your post shower face routine, as you looked at yourself in the mirror you saw your younger self smiling at you a very important and vulnerable moment you had to snap out from thanks to the listing stoping cause someone was calling you

Incoming call from Jackman Harlow

Oh please not right now ughh!

You answered the call and you could hear a bit of a hectic noise coming from the other end

“Um hey y/n good morning” wow his morning raspy voice did something on you

“Good morning to you too Jack, how are you doing “

“Haha well I think I’m doing a bit better than you, you won’t guess who showed up to my room and pretty much tried to kill me”

“Oh no please don’t tell me it was Liv”

“Yeah, she’s still here just wanted to call you first make sure you’re okay”

“I appreciate it Jack but I’m not doing great I haven’t been feeling like myself lately and now all this mess it’s just too much to take in”

“Mess huh and I was waiting for a please Jack come and safe take me away from all of this please help me”

This boy will be the death of me “please do come and safe me”

“To be honest if it wasn’t for this crazy manager of yours I would be at your apartment right now it’s a bag of delicious bagels so we could talk about all this mess as you said”

“Why don’t you come then, I bet I’m worth getting in a little trouble”

“God y/n you really know to turn a guy on huh”

“Yeah it’s one of my many virtues plus you know what they say about models, we really know how to work our way into what we want”

“Send me your address I’ll be on my way in 5”

“See you soon jackman”

End of call

God I’m really good at faking shit, you thought while you did your famous fake smile while looking at the mirror, small tears coming down your left eye.

What did I get myself into

—————————————————

Hiii i hope you’re liking my fic, I have so many ideas feel free to text me any ideas you have. It’s a small fic today but im just getting started

#jack harlow #jackhorlowxyn #fics #jack harlow x reader

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obsessivepaladin · 2 years

Text

Wooooo! I finally got around to writing again! I’ve missed it!

Anyhoo, I’ve started writing a fanfic for Dragon Age, and the first chapter’s out on all the websites I post on. I’m leaving a link for the Ao3 version here, and I’m also posting it here, under the cut.

Here's a little description:

Up to this point in her life, things have not exactly been going her way. The girl couldn't catch a break in Ferelden, and there's no way she'll catch a break in Kirkwall. She knows better than to hope for too much, because her sister is Marian Hawke, and Marian always manages to attract trouble. Nevertheless, this young woman plans to live her life the way she wants. She doesn't care if the Maker put her there for a reason, and the Maker can suck it. She'll smile, she'll wave a dagger around, and she'll put one foot in front of the other until she can breathe without causing some war or another. Elizabeth "Eliza" Hawke's first goal is to survive the Templars, and then she'll move on to do what she can: her fucking best, damn it.

This fic will follow the storylines of Dragon Age II and Dragon Age: Inquisition with mention of events that took place in Dragon Age: Origins. There may be DLC content as well, and I'll try to mark it as I realize I'm using it. Also, as this fic is written, I'll post pictures of the Dragon Age Keep tapestry for the world state. I'm writing as I go and kind of planning as I go, so I might be making changes and editing as I go, too. Hopefully, it won't be anything too big, but I'll let you guys know if I make any major changes! I have a broad plan in place right now, and I'm hoping it turns out as well as it's going in my head… 😂

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

9:40 Dragon || Kirkwall || Family Residence

Getting dragged through the halls of your own home is not an overly entertaining activity. It certainly doesn’t help when those dragging you are not family or friends, but unknown, armed soldiers. Each one had the image of a sun on their armor, and Elizabeth was more than aware of what this meant for her and her family. So, if she wasn’t being a total smartass, she kept her mouth shut. Whatever these people wanted to know, she wasn’t going to tell them. Someone’s happiness, freedom, and possibly life hung in the balance; she was willing to deal with a little late-night interrogation to make sure they left her big sister alone.

“Could I at least have the chance to change?” She asked with a sigh. “It’s the ass-crack of dawn, and I’m not exactly dressed to see the Seeker, you know?”

The men gripping her arms had been listening to similar comments for a while already, and they knew nothing they said would get her to stop, so they didn’t answer.

“Personally,” The woman continued, scrambling to keep up with the men’s long strides. “I’d rather not be stuck in an interrogation without my smallclothes.”

One of the men stumbled, causing the shorter woman to laugh.

“You really didn’t notice?” She asked. “How did you not notice? I mean, I know I’m a founding member of the Itty-bitty Titty Commity, but are they really that small? Ouch, way to hurt a woman’s pride, boys…”

The other man groaned, gripping her arm a bit tighter. “Maker’s breath, woman! Would you please —”

“Shut up?” she finished. “Hell no! You, again, forcefully dragged me out of my bed at the ass-crack of dawn! I don’t know you, I’m being interrogated without being told what for, I’m being forced into this without my undergarments — kind of embarassing, by the way — and I’m fucking tired. I’ll talk as much as I damn well please! Besides, I’m hilarious.”

Conversation between the three took a break as they approached the next room. There was light in there, and Elizabeth, for one, wanted to see the Seeker that had the audacity to break into her house like this. Then, to her surprise, she heard a grunt downstairs. She clenched her jaw, and she listened.

“I’ve had gentler invitations…”

Elizabeth turned to look at the men next to her, her eyebrows furrowed. “That better not be who I think it is.”

Then, they walked through the door. As the three approached the stairs, she could see that a stone chair had been moved to the center of the foyer. A certain blonde dwarf was sitting there, gently rubbing his nose. She wasn’t sure whether she should be a smartass and smirk at the lone dwarf, or glare at the men who had started to drag her down the steps. Clinging to the familiar, she chose the first.

“Varric Tethras!” She paused for a moment, making sure her feet landed flat on the ground as they reached the ground floor.

Then, her baby blues met a set of hazel eyes. “It’s about time you showed up!”

She watched the flurry of emotions and thoughts flash in his eyes. Then, as quickly as it started, it ended.

He smirked right back at her. “What can I say? I had to make a good entrance.”

The two men pulled her to a stop, but they didn’t let her go. The three stood just to the left of Varric, next to the wall, and the men continued to keep their strong grips on Elizabeth’s arms. She tried not to give away how nervous she was.

She tilted her head to the side, raising an eyebrow. “Fashionably late? I’d say that trope is a bit cliche, wouldn’t you?”

The man on her left gave her arm a firm squeeze, and she winced. Varric’s smile fell.

Elizabeth glared up at the man, giving him a well-earned raspberry. Needless to say, he was not amused. He snarled as she continued to stick her tongue out at him, and he used his other hand to wipe the spit from his face.

Varric, meanwhile, glanced around the room. Nothing had been touched. Well, except for Elizabeth and himself.

“So,” He turned to look in front of him at the sound of footsteps. “Who do we have to thank for the housecall?”

When a dark-haired woman walked through the nearest door, Elizabeth stuck her tongue back where it belonged. She gave the stranger her full attention.

“I am Cassandra Pentaghast, Seeker of the Chantry.”

The woman, Cassandra, glanced at the men holding Elizabeth back. She nodded her head to the door behind her, and they let go. She didn’t even wait for the men to make it out of the room; Elizabeth instantly moved to Varric’s side, rubbing her upper arms softly.

“And, just…” Varric chuckled, never taking his eyes off Cassandra. “… what are you seeking?”

He tapped the side of Elizabeth’s knee. She sat on the arm of his chair. Cassandra rose an eyebrow at the action, but she had more important things to discuss.

“The Champion.” Cassandra answered.

Varric examined his fingernails with a hum. Elizabeth took one of his hands in her own and took a calming breath.

She met Cassandra’s hard gaze with ease as Varric asked, “Which one?”

She nodded in agreement. “Sorry, Cass, you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific than that.”

When the Seeker snarled and started stomping towards the two, Varric instinctually scooted farther back in his seat, and Elizabeth did the same, gripping his hand tighter.

“You know exactly why I’m here!” Cassandra shouted.

She grabbed a book from a nearby table as she walked, and she threw it at them. It had already been open and, after smacking Varric in the face, it fell onto his lap with the same pages pointing upwards.

The instant that Cassandra reached for her dagger, Elizabeth’s hand slipped into her opposite sleeve. Cassandra pointed her blade at Varric’s neck. Elizabeth stood up, and she held a small, smooth, polished stick at Cassandra’s face. Elizabeth’s face had dropped into a glare, and the stick she held began to spark with strands of electricity.

“You touch him, and you’re leaving this house in an urn.” Elizabeth’s knuckles began to turn white. “Or maybe a bucket. I’m not picky, Seeker.”

The women stared each other down for a moment. Then, Cassandra growled. She flipped her blade away from Varric’s throat and stabbed it through the book in his lap.

“Time to start talking, dwarf…”

She glanced at Elizabeth. “… Miss Hawke.”

She took a few steps back, crossing her arms. “They tell me the two of you are good at it.”

Elizabeth kept her glare, watching as Cassandra leaned back against the far wall. Only when Varric gave her hand a gentle squeeze did she lower her weapon. She slowly lowered herself back onto the arm of Varric’s chair, and she turned to the book in his lap.

“Well…”

She pulled the dagger from the book as Varric chuckled awkwardly.

“What do you want to know?” He asked.

“Everything.” Cassandra demanded. “Start at the beginning.”

Then, after heaving a sigh, Varric started narrating.

Elizabeth knew the story by heart; she’d been told the story, she’d read the story, and she’d heard it at the Hanged Man so many times before.

Lothering was overrun with darkspawn, it was burning, and you could smell the smoke from miles away. The eldest Hawke was battle-ready, staff in hand. The younger Hawkes, the triplets, were the same, one with a sword, one with a staff, one with a pair of daggers and a little stick that she called a “wand.” They fought hard, slaying every monster in sight. “We can’t keep this up forever.” One of the triplets, Bethany, said. “Neither can they.” The eldest sister, Marian, replied. “Then we fight.” The eldest triplet, Carver, declared. “Maybe we’ll get lucky,” The youngest triplet, little Eliza, chuckled. “and they’ll run out of darkspawn!” Fire and ice flew from the tips of staffs. Darkspawn blood coated Carver’s blade. Elizabeth used her wand to disappear from view, slashing at her enemies from behind. Then, the ogre came. In almost no time at all, the triplets brought it to its knees. Then, Marian used her mage abilities to rip the foul creature in half. But their troubles weren’t over. Carver sagged a bit, short on breath. “There’s no end to them…” Then, the dragon appeared.

Just as the tale of the Hawkes’ escape from Lothering was reaching its climax, Cassandra interrupted it with a wave of her hand.

“Bullshit!” She declared. “That’s not what really happened.”

Elizabeth just hummed, and Varric shook his head.

“Does that not match the story you’ve heard, Seeker?” He asked.

The woman shook her head and began to pace. “I am not interested in stories. I came to hear the truth.”

Varric snorted, sitting up from his slouched position. “What makes you think I know the truth?”

“Don’t lie to me!” She shouted, pointing a finger at the duo. “You knew her even before she became the Champion!”

Then, Cassandra jabbed a finger into Elizabeth’s chest. “And you, you’re her baby sister!”

“Even if I did…” Varric slowly, softly, pushed the Seeker’s arm away from Elizabeth. “… and even if she is, we don’t know where she is now.”

Cassandra shook her head, turning around and pressing her fingers to her forehead.

“Do you have any idea what’s at stake here?” Her voice sounded almost tired.

“Let me guess.” Varric began. “Your precious Chantry’s fallen to pieces and put the entire world on the brink of war?”

She turned back to look at the dwarf, her face hard.

“And you need the one person who could help you put it back together.” He finished.

Cassandra began pacing again, her eyes never wandering. “The Champion was at the heart of it when it all began. If you can’t point me to her, tell me everything you know.”

Varric leaned forward, resting one arm on a knee and absentmindedly rubbing Elizabeth’s knuckles with his other hand. “You aren’t worried I’ll just make it up as I go?”

“Not at all.” Cassandra’s reply was instant.

Cassandra’s gaze flicked between the eyes of the two in the chair. Elizabeth’s and Varric’s were glued to the Seeker’s. After a few moments, Elizabeth sighed and looked down at Varric. The dwarf nodded, and the two leaned onto the back of the chair.

“You’ll need to hear the whole story.”

#writers #writers on tumblr #writeblr #fanfic #fanfiction #dragon age #dragon age ii #dragon age inquisition #mage hawke #mage inquisitor #varric tethras #original character #oc #varric x Oc #varric x inquisitor

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manwalksintobar · 2 years

Text

Clip-On Tie: The Diary of a New York Art Museum Security Guard // David Berman

Relentlessly the minutes, some of them golden, touched. —John Ashbery

I had a real problem with time during my first few weeks of guarding. I sought a way to compress it, to make the six hour shift go faster. I tried meditation but I’ve never been quite sure if I’m doing it right. It always feels like I’m just being quiet.

Now I try not to do any waiting while on post. I use the time to build the useless or impossible things that populate the only intellectual frontier that interests me anymore. Today I started working on an opera about the Ohio state legislature, to be sung in German. After six hours on post it’s starting to come together.

Where the guards lean against the walls, the blue polyester jackets leave stains. Every few months the curators notice these blurry marks and for a few days we are warned not to lean. The older guards get together and moan about their feet. “In Philadelphia,” one always says, “the guards sit in chairs.”

I’m surprised at how many of the museum’s visitors are upset by the distortion of the human form in modern art. Is it the violence? It’s classical structure that always gives me the creeps. The blank eyes, whether stone or metal, always look murdered.

Mr. Demario is the most romantic of the guards. In the middle of a discussion about hat sizes he turns to me and says “I have a very big head … it’s so full of dreams.”

“I want to write unfinished christmas plays” because everyone’s present happiness depends on their image and predictions of the future. “I want to write obscure Danish plays” because everyone’s present happiness depends on the idea that there is a lot out there that we haven’t seen yet.

All the guards know the lady with Tourette’s syndrome. She comes to every new show and, despite her shaking and strange cussing, never gets near the painting or causes any trouble. Its the other museumgoers that look over at us as if to say “why don’t you do something?” when she stands before the priceless Pollock, grunting “nigger … nigger … nigger.”

I painted the back of a nickel and quietly placed it of the gallery’s stone floor. A blue sky and clouds over Monticello. An hour has gone by without anyone noticing it. Finally a little girl picks it up and puts it in her pocket.

I asked Ondre, a Mormon guard, if he looks forward to the Judgement Day. He said, “sometimes, when the city and the job get to be too much. That’s when I say, ‘I don’t care if the Lord comes today,’ even if I’m not ready.”

Over the course of a play, the audience fades and fades until the moment of applause when they take the room back, feeling their presence and power. “We have not been erased.” Clap, clap, clap.

Octavio Torres is the oldest guard of all. He is in his seventies and his body is completely rigid from arthritis. An ex-boxer with a thick Puerto Rican accent, he is barely five feet tall. On his days off he watches Popeye in his South Bronx Apartment. “I like him. He takes punishment. He remind me of Jake LaMotta.”

Torres loves to joke around. In the locker room after work he tells everyone that Mohammed lived in a tree and ate bananas back home in Africa. Mohammed laughs and calls Torres “little Spanish faggot.” Everyone is so happy, so glad to be going home or out into the city. Torres and I look at each other, smiling, and he says “we are men. we must joke.”

A portrait is a painting with something wrong with the mouth. —John Singer Sargent

I was operating the elevator when the repairman came aboard. After a lot of small talk he let me in on an industry secret: the “door close” button is not wired to anything. “It’s just a pacifier,” he said.

On a normal day I think in questions: “Should I quit my job? Why can’t I relate to people? Where am I going?” I can never answer them conclusively and only wear myself out. When I’m high in the back of a club listening to Son Seals play I only think in answers: “I’ll move to El Paso this fall. These solos are wandering into every unused space. My girlfriend is pretty good looking after all. I should see about buying a mausoleum.”

A municipal concession to human psychology: The insides of buses are lit at night because people will not sit in dark rooms with strangers.

I bought some greeting cards in a Nungessers junk shop last night. They’re not much more than twenty years old but the sentiments are already foreign. Fluff from other eras always turns my stomach. What if no one feels these feelings anymore. Do they go down in history like famous clothes?

I wonder if Jackson Pollock unconsciously designed so many of these canvases to have the same dimensions as U.S. paper currency, accidentally imbuing them with some concrete power.

Working at the museum is changing the way I look at everyday objects. Eating at an Italian restaurant, I look at the red and white gridded tablecloth and wonder that all the dishes have their owned unnamed coordinates.

All the guards are freaks. That is a fact. Wouldn’t standing alone in a corner six hours a day over many years change you?

After work I head back home to Brooklyn, where the nights smell like burnt hair. I see a mother yelling at her kid for working the candy machine wrong. She takes all the fun out of candy.

Susan’s blind date was a real mess. At the end of the night he walked her home. She was locked out of her own apartment. Frustrated, she asked him to break the door in. He grunted and bucked against it until she was completely repulsed. The sight of him brutally breaking into her apartment frightened her. She screamed for him to get out.

I overhear two tourists walking by my post in the museum: “The Orientals have to invade Paris by 1998.”

Barnet Newman on an Arizona road painting crew. Richard Serra paperweights for sale in the museum gift shop. Did the first impressionists have glaucoma?

Older lady and friend in museum today: “This is my first chinese companion. I am going through a nervous period right now. Thank you … This is my chinese companion.”

I walked into the locker room and catch Tony Pasciucco cleaning earwax off his hearing aid, “Christmas carolers shot dead in Brooklyn last night.”

“What’s that?”

III

I guess you’re a bore, but in that you’re not charmless, because a bore is a straight line that finds a wealth in division. —Lou Reed

An autograph hound: “I get them and lose them or throw them away. I only enjoy the asking. Or I concentrate on one star and get hundreds from him.”

The tired Indian counterman at the coffeeshop saddens me like the Bhopal accident never could. It’s the nearness, of course. As I’m leaving I call out to the manager, “you have shit coffee. Fuck you.”

A woman walks onto the gallery floor. All the guards look over. She appears to be a star, a celebrity of some sort. Finally the word comes around: she’s just rich.

New York is never more beautiful than it is right after work.

Waiting for the subway, I noticed a bit of neatly written graffiti on a movie poster. “Keep a clear head” printed on Rocky’s forehead. Free advice to the city. I’m positive that it’s the same hand that wrote “concentrate” above that urinal in Hoboken.

Burgoyne Diller’s paintings reflect nicely on the glossy floors. These reflections should be the actual works, the paintings could function as the projection devices.

I wonder if Donald Judd got his idea for the wall boxes from the rows of air conditioning units jutting out of apartment building windows.

The Queen of Sweden came into the museum with her entourage today. Across the gallery Mr. Demario’s elaborate hand gestures told me that a “knockout” was at large. She stood in front of the Jeff Koons sculpture as the guide intoned “these two vacuum cleaners, which are hermaphrodites …”

One of the worst things about guarding is having to stand next to tourists that have doused themselves in perfume. Shouldn’t they be subject to ticketing by the police? How is this different from walking around with a loud radio on your shoulder, or reaching out and touching a stranger’s face?

The sense of humor of other ages has always seemed bad.

I kill time on post by studying coins. The detail on the back of the penny is incredible (you can see tourists walking up the memorial steps, and the statue through the columns) but it’s a shame that Lincoln has to be on the front. Why not Franklin Pierce of New Hampshire?

Mohammed has threatened to use African magic to get our supervisor fired. I spend all day encouraging him to go ahead with his plan.

“If I have sex with Kelly while she’s under the impression that I’m rich, it will certainly teach her a lesson, but am I right in teaching it?”

The ceilings of the museum are packed with asbestos that occasionally drops to the gallery floor in small clumps. Museum policy states that the entire building must be shut down and the workers be sent home with pay when this happens. The fact that the asbestos had been regularly falling next to Eric’s guard post has the administration suspicious. Rumor has it that he brings samples to work in a jar.

In the 1940s men often traced the shape of a curvy woman in the air with their hands. Women were known to throw their drinks into men’s faces when angry.

I stepped outside the museum on my lunch break and smelled burning leaves. “Ah fall,” I thought for a second, and then realized my mistake: a building was burning down the block. I wonder how long the mind can be suspended between these two answers, the wrong cause and the right cause, because I like hanging in that split second.

I was surprised to find out that Wittgenstein was gay.

Move a fin and the world turns

—Throbbing Gristle

There is a beggar across the street from the museum. Every time he is given change he looks away and says “thank you, God” just above a whisper. People walk away slightly hurt and angry. Steve hates him.

When I was six, I saw my father nonchalantly rip a dollar bill in half. I could not believe my eyes.

Three people walked into the museum restaurant today. All three wore white turbans. At first I thought they had head wounds, then realized they were members of an eastern religion that I could not quite place. They stood and gazed over the salad bar, considering their strict dietary laws.

Lou giving advice on how to dress: “Now you go get yourself a pair of black shoes and a pair of brown shoes … ”

Kenneth Noland and Brice Marden’s color field paintings are intended to be non-referential but they cause me to imagine strange high school football team uniforms anyway.

Sometimes, out of the blue, I’ll speak in a rigid monotone: “Hello Joan” that really unnerves Joan, whoever the hell she is.

Waiting for a friend at the 33rd street subway station, we look at the map, covered in stops. Steve looks at me angrily and says “what makes you think she’ll be here and not here, or here, or at any of these?”

Two men on TV point guns at each other: “Drop it.” “No, you drop it.” “No, you drop it.” I’m interested in how the director will resolve this loop.

His paintings were like speculations on the future published in the full knowledge that they would one day become obsolete collector’s items.

Mr. Demario has a real talent for writing jokes about great opening lines: “I was at this parade in India … ” or “I was at a roller rink when it began to storm and I missed the last bus home … ” When he finishes he laughs nervously, his lips rolling back like carpets to reveal how wrecked his teeth are.

When looking at Donald Judd’s sculpture, it helps to keep in mind that the polio virus is a perfectly symmetrical twenty-sided solid.

The restaurant next to the museum stopped putting toothpicks out for the customers. One month later they closed down. I had warned them to put the toothpicks back out.

I spend a lot of my day in front of Rockwell Kent’s “The Trapper.” The painting always engages me because I’m torn on whether it depicts a sunrise or a sunset. They seem equally possible and there are no clues in the shape of the snowbanks or in the position of the sun to let me know. The docent tries to convince me that it doesn’t matter, that there can be two paintings. But that kind of lazy permissiveness obscures the third “true” painting.

Lawren shows me her distorted “wanted poster” woodcuts. “But you could never catch anybody with these things.” “That’s the point,” she says. “Your point is that people shouldn’t get caught?”

These pictures were titled “Jackson’s Body” or “Jackson’s Head” but never “Jackson.”

Mr. Demario is having more problems. His wife, a nun who left the convent at age 34 to marry him, has developed a spastic colon. He has invited me out to dinner so that we can discuss his problems in greater detail than we can on the gallery floors. He knows a place where they make a great “sweet and pungent pork.”

With Frederic Church’s paintings, looking one hundred miles into the distance, over mountain ranges and beyond, it’s always difficult to remember that the paint is only a millimeter thick.

Why did jazz turn up its nose at the tuba?

Last night at the Biennial opening, I overheard Frank Stella whispering some wisecracks about the new Rauschenberg piece to his wife. She gently punched him in the ribs as if to say “behave!” and they walked on. After seeing Rauschenberg through the eyes of a peer, I feel more confident about calling his late work “flimsy.”

If there’s ever a problem, I film it and it’s no longer a problem. It’s a film. —Andy Warhol

It would be a tragedy to spend your whole life desperately wanting to be something that you already were, all along.

On Fridays the guards are given ten minutes to take their paychecks to the bank. The beautiful tellers have become arrogant from handling money all day. If they have time, they flirt with the big accounts.

European tourists move about the museum half-interested, exactly fifty percent interested. Do they ever spill a drink or piss on their shoes?

Sometimes, when a beautiful Italian girl wanders into an empty gallery I fantasize about walking over and kissing her on the neck. When she turned around and saw that I was a guard, I would straighten up and whisper “no kissing allowed.”

The classicist’s theme is the recovery of the subjective mind, the healing of the subjective mind. Well, our courts are clogged with these minds.

The nineteen year old Cusies are the only twins on the guard force. The girls insist that their spooked grandmother tried to murder them twice during their infancy. First, she gave them diet gum in an attempt to dehydrate them. Second, she sent them new blankets in the mail—the blankets had been soaked in insecticide.

Christ’s message twisted: Only love your enemies.

If the fable of “The grasshopper and the ants” was amended so that the world ended before the turn of winter, then the grasshopper would have been wiser and the moral would have vindicated him. In a story, the location of the ending is very deliberate.

I’ve been photographing the imprints that deck chairs leave on the back of people’s legs.

A lady comes into the museum: “I am a woman on TV. You have never had a TV … now get off my show!” It only took a few minutes of this kind of talk to make me feel like the intruder.

“He” was a sensitive reader, almost too delicate to withstand the commands and admonitions of punctuation.

Two drunks outside the Greenpoint subway: “You better leave an hour early to get there on time.” They are lying, they never go anywhere, I thought to myself. For whose benefit would they be acting? Why am I so suspicious?

John Baldessari burned all his pre-1967 paintings. “I think that’s odd behaviour but I would like to get in touch with him anyway, to see about using the ashes as makeup for this play I’m writing about British coal miners.”

After guarding masterpieces for weeks, it feels good to stand in my dentist’s office before this cheap painting of a ship.

If the world was a bit smaller, just three neighborhoods smaller, maybe things would work out. I’ve heard that there’s a scarcity of luxury. In the movie theatres each person has to share an armrest with a stranger.

What Duchamp did with the urinal no longer surprises me, what surprises me is the idea that they had urinals back then.

I am waiting for the bus when I smell something burning. I turn to the man standing next to me and ask if he smells it too. In preparing to speak he lets a cloud of condensed breath out into the freezing air. For a half second my mind plays a trick on me. “Oh no, he’s burning,” I think.

No one gets hungry at the sight of a lush cornfield or a herd of cattle. It’s enough to tell you that we’re full of education, not awareness.

The painter eyes his subject. It’s a single piece of fruit, yellow and shaped like a lightbulb, split open to show the cavity where the pit would normally be, if the pit were not swirling around inside the painter’s mouth.

#poetry #David Berman #New York City #art museum #New York art museum #security guard #John Singer Sargent #Marcel Duchamp #modern art #John Baldessari #Rockwell Kent #Donald Judd #Kenneth Nolan #Brice Marden #color field painting #Jeff Koons #American racism #funny

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star-mum · 4 months

Text

Live Star Reaction - Saw II

im eating popcorn (hooray) so I'm writing this one handed, I apologize for any typos

OH MY GOD !!!! I WAS GONNA SAY THE KEY WAS IN HIS EYE BUT I WASNT FAST ENOUGH

damn I guess I'd just die on this one, let's make a list at the end of this of which Saw Traps I could REALISTICALLY survive and which ones I'd give up on

Venus Fly Trap: absolutely dying, at least it'd be quick

awn man I hope our friend from the last movie survived (I don't remember his name, the journalist)

"i haven't heard from you" yeah I fucking wonder why

(hope he didn't get Saw Trapped)

Are rhey gonna have a weird forced romance? i hope not :/

WHAT ? DONT APOLOGIZE TO HIM !!! HE'S AN ASSHOLE !!!

THEY'RE JUST GONNA GET HIM ????? cute ceramics bowl by way

CREEEEPY DOLL SHIT !!! Aaaand now they're dead, sucks to suck i guess

"get on your knees" *is on a wheelchair* "I don't think so 😌"

"the problem in that room" oh his son got saw trapped daaaaaammnnn

is it all their families ???

"tell me where he is" YES OF COURSE, HE DID ALL OF THIS ONLY TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER RIGHT AWAY

hey guy ik you're spiraling but this 9 year bullshit isn't helping anybody

AMANDA ?????? DAAAAMMNN TWICE IN A ROW GIRLIE ?????

the FIRST thing she did when she woke up was check the back of her head, thats a fucked up attention to detail

did he tattoo the numbers on the back of their heads ? and do theu have to go in order of the rainbow? they're all swearing different colors

or maybe in order of the names (like the initials that match the colors)

hello door, what is this about?

IS IT OUR BUDDY FROM THE LAST MOVIE ????

or is this part of the game?

"while your coming up with a game plan, im getting out of here" if by here you mean the living plain then yeah, I'd have to agree

WHAT DID HE DO 5 YEARS AGO ????? OOOOHHHH GET HIS ASS BRO

"could you get me a glass of water" ... i didn't know you got water... in this creepy lil hideout

this is driving me insane: is that Penelope Cruz ? (i have actor face blindness so I have truly have No Idea if they're even similar)

that's a fun little scavenger hunt we're going on 😊

WHO IS THAT ????? oh ;-; ew ;-;

have they all had issues with the law ? cause those 3 have been arrested and the kid just got got at the beginning of the movie, besides all the investigation stuff Im sure she got in trouble for the drug abuse

"he kidnapped me in the middle of the night" YEAH YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SPECIAL BLONDIE, SHUT THE FUCK UP (ik she's dying but she's annoying also, im sure there's a fucked reason why she's here)

who would've thunk that going into a furnace would've been a bad idea

gotta be one of the top 3 worst ways to go honestly

KSKSKSKS John Kramer is a fucking yapper, love that

get your hand away from the teenage boy, Laura

"started in jail" I TOLD YOU !!!!!!

DID HIS FATHER ARREST EVERYONE HERE ????? that'd be crazy actually

THAT IS SO FUCKED KKSKSKSS "it'll be like finding a needle in a haystack haha" HE'S SO CUNTY ABOUT IT

MOTHERFUCKER !!! HE JUST CHUCKED HER IN HERE !!! OH I HOPE HE DIES NEXT

I say we kill this guy, i mean who's gonna check if one more person dies in this place

"no more talking" we haven't done ANY TALKING cause of your INSUFFERABLE ASS

"i know how this guy works, he's playing a game" oh what privileged information that he aLREADY GAVE US DIRECTLY, YOU USELESS FUCKING BITCH

"you may not remember them but they definitely remember you" DO I JUST HAVE A HUGE BRAIN ?????

HE DID TATTOO IT ON PEOPLE !!!! IM SO SMART !!! I'D SURVIVE THIS TRAP !!!!

is the big guy gonna go around killing folks to check the numbers, cause that's stupid

LEEEEEESSSS GOOOOOOOO !!! KICK HIS ASS BRO

oh please dont die ;-; awn man ;-; i hate this guy

"you two are on your own" no... You're on your own, they're together (for now at least)

he's not focusing on the colors, how is he gonna remember the right order

if detective lady was serious about stopping bad cop n1, she would've shot him

"I'll take you to the house" bby girl do you REALLY THINK he's taking you there

IS JOHN GONNA MAKE HIM CRASH THE CAR ???? He survived once, he could do it again (i really hope he does honestly)

IS A FAKE FLOOR ?????

IS THE BIG TWIST THAT AMANDA WAS HELPING KRAMER THIS WHOLE TIME ????? That'd be fucking lit actually

oh shit he did take him to the house, alright damn maybe force does work

... why is Penelope Cruz not screaming anymore?? THAT'S NOT THE HOUSE !!!! IT'S A FAKE ?????

OH HEY FIRST MOVIE BBY LES GO

awn he dead ;-;

KILL HIM WITH THE SAW !!!!!

"how are you gonna know your number if i dint tell you?" *doesn't fucking hesitate* THAT IS DERANGED !!!!! WOOOOOWWWW

IT WAS A FAAAAAAAAKEEEEEE !!!!!!! THAT'S CRAZY

IS IT A FAKE HOUSE OR RECORDED FEED ?????

IT'S RECORDED !!! OF FUCKING COURSE THAT'S WHY IT WAS SI DARK AND THE BODIES LOOKED LIKE THAT!! THATS WHY PENELOPE WASN'T FUCKING SCREAMING ANYMORE !!!!!

hey guys, ik it's the point but I can't see shit !!!

WHAT THE FUCK ???? (pig mask is so fucking creepy)

where they here the entire time ? THAT'S CRAZY !!!!!!

IS THE ENDING THE SETUP FOR THE THIRD MOVIE ????

WAS THIS A REVENGE PLOY FOR AMANDA ????? YEEEAAAAHHHHHH !!!!! LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOOOO

are you like so proud of me? except for parts I spewed insane garbage that had nothing to do with the plot : DD

is Kramer dead ??????

#live star reaction #saw ii

0 notes

qissu · 2 years

Text

The yakuza's wife part II ➢ Toji x pregnant chubby f! reader

wc: 2k/15 minute read

cw: Smut, Somnophilia, Pregnancy sex, Slight Praise

part I

It didn’t take long for toji to impregnate you, helping you along every step of the way. Once it became your 2nd trimester you went for your check up, sadden that toji wasn’t able to attend, but you snagged another ultrasound photo to show him the progress.

He was there to pick you up, pulling up in a all black tinted car, stepping out to open the door for you.

“How’s the baby, is everything alright?”

You pull out the ultrasound, swaying the photo back and forth in your hands.

“Everything’s good! I just can’t wait to find out what we’re having when it’s time.”

Toji pulls you into his arms, gripping you by the ass as he pulls you in, kissing your forehead.

“I already know.”

He ushers for you to get into the passenger seat, closing the door behind you as he walks over to the drivers side.

“How do you know?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He smiles at you before turning away, paying attention to the road as you nag him the whole way home, trying to figure out his answer.

There was still sun out when you made it safely back home, rubbing your belly as toji opens the car door for you.

“I’ll meet you inside in a few, I just have to take care of something.”

Toji kisses you on the lips before walking off, letting the maids help you back in your room.

You haven’t had a nice relaxing bath in a while. You sat on the side of the tub running the water, when it’s warm you come out of your clothes, resting back as you place your hands over your stomach.

You could feel the baby kicking. “Seems like you’re going to be causing trouble everywhere you go.”

Smiling to yourself at the thought of you raising a child, it still shocks you how far you’ve come, and how toji is protective of you even more.

After lathering your skin in soap and washing it off you sit up to drain the water out, breathing heavily as it takes a lot out of you.

“Can I come in?”

You hear toji knocking at the door.

“Please.”

He walks in with a razor in one hand and his phone in the other. “It almost slipped my mind that I’d be helping you shave, are you ready?”

He walks in front of you as you wrap one leg around the bathtub. You felt a little self-conscious, but didn’t want to have a full bush when pushing out a baby, having toji to assist you every time your bush grows out.

It’s really nothing to worry about but you just can’t stop thinking about how doctors and nurses will be all inside of you, looking at it.

He sits his phone down on the side of you, focusing his attention on your vagina. “I could do a little cute heart, or two balloons.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. “Okay I’ll just trim it down.”

You watch as his movements become gentle, slowly lifting your belly up as he focused on trimming it down.

"I know I said I'll be around more often, I don't want you to feel as if your all alone in this, but my decisions are to protect you and our unborn child."

You have notice how consumed he's been in work and the argument you got in with him about a week ago. He hasn't been sleeping much and when he does he'll always tend to your needs. You seemed like a burden to him.

"Moments like this, no arguing, just us talking always put me at ease. Seeing you after a long day helps more then you think."

He looked up at you smiling before looking back down. It takes a few minutes, when he’s done he helps you out the tub, letting you head to the room before him so he can clean up.

When in the room you take off your bath grown and put on your silk robe, wrapping the front of it as you plop down on the bed.

“Ahh…I should take baths more often.”

You couldn’t wait up for toji, when he’s in the room your fast asleep, he kisses you on the forehead before following your lead.

Throughout the night you tossed and turn, moaning in your sleep as you feel yourself becoming aroused, not being able to sleep you woke up.

Rubbing your eyes before looking over at toji, he was knocked out. You laid against his chest, tapping him on the arm, but he doesn't wake up, he was deep in sleep.

"Toji⎯I'm horny, please wake up."

You felt tears swelling in your eyes, the same as when you get hungry during the night, but he didn't wake. You lift up, pulling the covers back as you reach for his pants.

You laid against his lower torso, using the street lights creeping in from the curtains, pulling his pants down until his dick was visible.

His dick was soft as you grabbed ahold of it, greedily slapping the tip against your lips. "Wake up toji, it's no fun when your asleep."

You sucked on his foreskin, rubbing it against your bottom lip until you expose his tip, placing the tip in your mouth. You run your left hand up and down his torso, using your right hand to hold his dick still.

Twirling your tongue around the tip before using your tongue to lick in between the slit of his dick.

"Mmm."

He moaned out in his sleep, moving his hips upward before letting it rest once again. It doesn't take much to get him hard.

You could only watch as his dick harden in your hand, growing a few more inches. You look up as his dick towered over your face, only the outline of it's shadow reveals along your face.

You hold and squeeze at the base of his dick, only using your lips to tug at the skin as your lips move towards his tip once again. Over the slit of his dick you drool as much as possible, using your saliva to lubricate it before swallowing it whole.

Feeling his dick in the back of your throat as he slowly awakens. His cheeks a light visible pink/reddish color. You eye ball him as he tries to sit up, but you push him back down.

"Don't be shy toji, let me see that pretty face." You smirk as you continued to give head.

Toji won't admit it but he loves when you say such words as your going down, enjoying every second of it, Knowing that'll lead to a better orgasm if you take control every few times. You were a completely different person when horny.

Saliva and precum foamed at the sides of your mouth. Each time his dick hits the back of your throat you curl your tongue around it, squeezing onto as he struggles to slam his hips into your face. He wants to be gentle, but you make it hard for him.

Using both his hands he clamps them over his mouth, trying not to moan, your mouth leaves from his dick, reaching over and grabbing one of his hands before going back down on him.

"It's okay to cum quick, I promise I won't be mad." You said while smirking.

"W⎯Hanh⎯what kind of man would I be if I did?"

"Just give in, I'll make you feel good."

His fingers tighten around yours in agreeance, the sounds of you deep throating his dick turns him on. The veins in his hands were more visible as he orgasmed, letting out deep groans of pleasure.

"Now was that so hard you big baby?"

You lift up, sticking your tongue out and letting his cum drip down his tip all down to the base before going back down and swallowing it all. Loads of cum was seeping down his tip, too much to even swallow.

He felt shameful to have cum so easy. His first nut in a while and he was a mess, his dick twitching as cum gushed out, overflowing down the tip. He was holding back a lot, enough to get you pregnant, again if it was possible.

You sit up, mounting him as you pull him into a hug, comforting him. "You know one round isn't enough to satisfy me."

Your lips hover over his forehead, he could feel the warmth from your lips nearing as you press your lips against his temple. Leaving a warm spot against his skin.

Using your leg strength you squat over him, angling yourself over his dick. You miss a few times which causes him to laugh.

"Seems like you need it more then me." He helps you, grabbing ahold of his dick, guiding you over it until the tip was rubbing back and forth against the opening of your pussy.

You begin to do deep strokes against his tip, letting your pussy juices marinate on his tip as the opening of your pussy was pulsating, ready for his swollen dick to penetrate.

Just pressing a little bit of the tip inside he could feel how desperate you were, almost swallowing the rest of him. "Ohh⎯you need it that bad baby?"

"Show me how much you missed me."

You wasted no time. The sound of your ass slamming down on his thighs was loud as you took all 7inches of his dick, balls deep. The tightness of your insides squeeze violently against his dick, making him feel as if he could cum again, but he kept his composure.

“Pregnant pussy feels different, you’re sucking me in so good."

You wince from the sudden movement you did, one eye closed and the other open as you try your best to grind on his dick, seeing you struggle at first toji helps you.

Letting your hands run down his back, scratching him and biting down on his neck as he does slow deep strokes, taking his time to allow your insides to open up.

With each slow thrust he could feel your stomach rub against his shirt. His right hand goes to wrap around your neck as his left is guiding your body. His right hand tightens softly around your neck as you do deep strokes on his dick.

You remove your lips from his neck, leaving a bite mark, you moan out his name softly.

"T- toji…toji."

"I can't hear you. louder." He smirked, coercing you into saying his name repeatedly.

You could feel the cold warmth of his wedding ring against the nap of your neck as he forces you too look at him. As you continued to moan he goes for your lips with his.

Opening your mouth with his as his tongue slides inside, letting the kiss get sloppy by the second. He could feel your moans vibrate against his lips and with each kiss he'll suppress them.

He move down to your bottom lips, sucking on it before tugging gently with his bare teeth.

"Mmm…Hah..just like that, I needed this." In a hushed tone he whispered out.

"You're so cute when you're pregnant and horny, it's a beautiful sight."

You started to blush from his words, looking away as he continued to let you ride him. Both his hands move towards your ass, groping your ass cheeks.

"Your pussy's getting wet just from slow strokes, it's hard to not fall in love all over again with all the lewd sounds it's making."

"I--I'm gonna cum, t--toji."

"Then let it out baby, be a good girl and cum on my dick."

You pull him into a hug as you orgasmed, you let your head rest against his shoulder when you did. It felt as if your energy was slowly draining out of you.

You let out one last delayed moan as he rubbed your back. You could go on but you felt so much more weak all over.

Toji helps you lay back, gripping your thighs until they bruised slightly. He lets his hand hover over the outside of your pussy. Twirling your trimmed pussy hair, you winced in response to it.

"I can't help but admire the work I've done down here."

Your stomach was in the way, making it hard for you to see what he was doing.

"Oh don't worry, I'll treat her good."

He gets comfortable on the bed, when he does he's face to face with your pussy. Using his thumb to rub against it, outlining it as he continued to admire it.

He spreads your pussy open, watching as it pulsates in front of him, begging to be eaten out.

"Is something wrong?"

He doesn't respond with his words, only his mouth. Using his right hand to keep your pussy open as he used his tongue on your folds, outlining your folds with his tongue.

"Mmm…I missed you so much."

He started to jokingly have a conversation with your pussy, but soon after he was demolishing it. Spitting on your pussy lips before sucking on both of your folds.

Since they were more loose due to your pregnancy and the hormonal changes in your body you felt self conscious about it. Toji loved how loose your pussy lips were. He made sure to take extra care of them.

He move his hand from your pussy, letting his tongue slip between your folds to suck near your clit, not wanting to make you cum easily.

To the sounds your pussy was making against his tongue, he starts to jerk off. Although it was difficult because your legs kept wrapping around his head, he didn't mind the tight squeeze.

Toji was getting off to the sounds of your moans as he ate you out, using your voice as he squeezes his tip with his thumb.

"Mmm..just like that baby girl, just like that."

Your insides started to swallow his tongue forcing his head to deepen in your pussy, your clit was rubbing against his forehead, making you desperate to grind against it to cum, and you did.

Your cum attached to his forehead leaving thin strains as you continued to grind against him to orgasm. You were getting wetter by the second, hearing the sound of your pussy squelching as you felt sensation from both your clit and his tongue.

Your hips raised forward as you orgasmed, toji quickly latched his lips onto your clit, you were sensitive at this point, but he didn't care. Your clit jolted in his mouth as he moaned while sucking and slurping on it.

It was hard to reach over and move his head but he didn't stop every time you tried to force his head away , toji was eating pussy for his own pleasure.

He continued until you oragasmed again, this time he was quick, pressing his dick inside as you tighten around his tip, he already had prepared himself by jerking off.

"Hanh⎯fuck, I love you."

Being a dad must have been catching up with him, he was getting tired faster then usual. He let you ride him once more, not wanting to do missionary because he was concerned for the baby.

As your on top you couldn't help but share a laugh together. He pushes the wet hair away from his face, getting a better view of you.

"I won't lie, I was doubting this would work because of the baby."

He caressed your stomach as he spoke.

"It's okay, you don't have to be scared to fuck me…I can take it."

"You can, but will the baby be able to?"

You grab his hand, intertwining your pinkie with his. "I promise, so get rough if you want me knocked out for hours."

How could he resist? He was madly in love with you and your unborn child.

Toji had you in missionary, holding both of your hands over your head as he forced his dick inside, you missed this toji, the rough one.

He was balls deep, with hunger in his eyes. He was milking the hell out of your pussy with his dick, it became too slippery that he would have to go down from time to time and slurp it out before continuing.

As you both orgasmed he filled you up with so much cum that it forced his dick out.

Your legs were left open and shaken as your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

He laid back out of breathe, he would normally clean up but he felt exhausted and so did you. He takes his drenched shirt off before pulling you into his arms.

You didn't care at this point you were still in shock from your orgasm.

"Mmm…I promise I'll be on 10 next time…just let me close my eyes for a few minutes."

After those words left his mouth he was knocked out, snuggling against you. You soon followed his lead.

Through the rest of the night you would be sleeping in different positions, on top of him, on his side and once you pushed him off the bed, surprisingly he slept through it all.

The next day he awoke to an empty room, everything was cleaned. He walks out the room into the kitchen when a whiff of eggs and bacon hit his nose.

"You could have gotten the maids to cook."

"I gave them the next two days off, I wanted to do something special for you, now come sit."

He follows your orders. The rest of the morning was filled with laughter. Toji watched as you smile while eating. It never occurred to him that he'll be sharing his future with someone he loves dearly.

I'm the luckiest man in the world.

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