#ik i said i was going cold turkey but....

[rashfordian]

what if i bought some more fifa cards guys.

[godbirdart]

; w; Sorry saw you reblogged that post about neopets making the rounds and as a long time Neopets player I'm trying my best to combat the spreading of misinfo. Feel free to ignore this!

we did NOT ditch the NFT bros on neopets, the head of the NFT project bought the site from Jumpstart and while the neopets metaverse project has been cancelled they only said there's "No Current Plans" when asked if they were still going to make NFTs/Crypto. The team behind the metaverse project also had huge issues with bigotry.

While the neopets team did state they would have more freedom and control they've made plenty of false promises and themselves spread misinformation about the NFT project in the past. We're not out of the woods yet I'm afraid.

oh sure they're still offering support for the digital collectibles that are already out there. they won't shut down any of their NFT projects abruptly cold-turkey. i don't think anyone really expected them to, either.

still though, according to the email update they are transitioning away from metaverse at the very least;

sure they don't expressly state there won't be any NFTs at all but i think it's still a W that they're moving away from metaverse and crypto bs. ik we've been burned by TNT before but any step away from crypto/NFTs/meta should still be encouraged and met with loud, positive reception. they're goin through a major transitional phase and this is a pivotal opportunity to say: [this] is what we, the userbase / fans, want.

not waving off the bigotry issue either i just haven't kept up with TNT / neo and don't know much of what's been going on so i really can't say much on it.

[abbyromanoff]

Hey, just wondering, you've said a few times that Tumblr fucks with your mental health but you still post a lot rn, mostly answering questions, (I know you're leaving soon) but I'm just curious why you're not slowly leaving the app instead of going cold turkey. I love your work and respect your decisions, so I was just curious.

Well I don’t really post at all actually so I’m currently easing out of it so I’m not going cold turkey over the past few months I’ve been easing myself away from tumblr and now I go on it like 5 mins a day max really and ik I don’t need to be on it all the time yk?

[carryingthebanner]

Newsies as Things My Family and I Have Said

Crutchie: I’m cold.

Kid Blink: Go sit in the dryer and put it on gentle cycle.

*Finishes cleaning the couch*

Race: Ok I’m done, so this couch should be nice and lickable.

Albert: *Bursts into Pulitzer’s office*

Hello, old people! I hope your bones still work today.

Elmer: Is that eggnog?

Crutchie: No, that’s gravy.

Romeo: *starts crying because of gift*

Specs: And the Emmy for best actor goes to…*passes sparkling cider as if it were an award*

*another dramatic gift reaction, this time from Tommy Boy*

Albert: And the Emmy for best supporting actor goes to…

*Watching a movie*

Katherine: Oh look, it’s my favorite himbo!

Jack: …

*family member walks in that Henry somewhat recognizes and someone says her name*

Henry: Wait is that Hannah who makes the cakes?

Darcy: Yes, Henry.

Henry: Les, that’s Hannah who makes the cakes.

Les: What cakes?!

Henry: The fancy ones!

Les: *panicking* What fancy cakes?!

Race: *sighs.* When in doubt, just call her a cousin.

Henry: Fair enough.

Les: Ask Medda who her dad is.

*Hannah standing directly across from Medda talking to someone else*

Henry: Hey Medda, who’s-

Les: Shhh!

Henry: *lipsyncs* Who’s her dad?

*finds out she’s their second cousin*

Race: WHAT DID I SAY-

Katherine: Jack, say something to the baby!

Jack: What am I supposed to say?!

Katherine: You could recite the entire plot of an anime and he literally wouldn’t care.

Spot: *wakes up and comes to the kitchen at 5:50 PM* Can I have breakfast?

*Finch has been pacing around the kitchen and finally sits down*

Smalls: Enjoyed your walk?

Mike: How big is this baby, 25 pounds?

Ike: You, who lifts weights, think that this 5 month old is anywhere near 25 pounds?

Mike: …

Ike: This baby is literally only one pound less than the turkey.

Romeo: *Wearing a birthday button with his name on it*

Katherine: Happy birthday, Romeo!

Romeo *freaking out*: Jack, how’d she know my name?

Race: I am crying, shaking, throwing up over the lack of deep conditioner.

Elmer: Wait, really?

Race: No, but I feel like it.

Davey: Say goodbye to the baby!

Les: Um… bye little dude.

Davey: No, walk over to him and say it.

Les: No.

Davey: *calls baby’s mother* Make him say bye to the baby!

Bowery Beauty: LES, YOU BETTER SAY GOODBYE TO MY BABY!

Katherine: I’m going to rip my uterus out with my bare hands.

Sarah: *blinks*

Race: *talking to baby’s father* Goodnight, *baby’s name*.

Race: Wait no - my bad.

Mush: Yeah because when I had a conversation with Spot…

*silence with also a lot of confusion and awkwardness*

Hot Shot: It seems like there were some things that weren’t supposed to be said.

Spot: Yeah, that conversation was private.

Davey: I’m so confused - nothing has been said???

Race: THE TEA IS HOT.

JoJo: *grateful sniffles* I was going to go to Walmart and buy me this gift-

Crutchie: Then buy it and reimburse us then.

*gets the same exact gift when they also have a lot of the same stuff*

Buttons: Ahh! We get to be Bobbsey twins again!

Sniper: Please stop.

Medda: You were valedictorian in college.

Davey: Wow.

Katherine: Wait - what? You’ve never told me that.

Jack: I was valedictorian in junior high school, Medda.

Buttons: *cracks egg* It’s a boy!

[iknowplaces-tv]

ok this is a really weird question but should i feel bad for liking taylor swift? it’s something that’s coming up in another fandom of mine. i listen to her music and stuff and i like her personality, but the thing ppl bring up is her dating matty healy (aka an asshole) im not a poc but i rly do hate him and it was not cool for taylor to date him and i don’t respect her for that, but some people feel that we should just cut her off cold turkey if we want to support pocs bc she did that. like i don’t agree with her on that part obviously and i won’t respect her or idolize her for doing that but should i honestly stop supporting her? i feel like her MUSIC especially i love and i rly relate to and it’s become like a core part of me (ik it’s bad 😭) but i won’t respect her for dating him (also, was it even confirmed she was?) i rly just want to get an outside opinion and i feel like you would know how to approach this (i also wanted to go anon bc i don’t want to like be found out by anyone lol) thanks girly :))

oh not a weird question at all anon i totally get what u mean, same like ive been a swiftie for years but when the m*tty news came up i kinda stopped being one (stopped posting abt her so much, changed my url etc) yk my obsession kind of died cause i was so upset about it and while im still upset and haven't forgiven her, her music still means so much to me and i still love it that hasn't changed. so it's def complicated but i think it's perfectly fine if you like and support her music, separating it from her actions

-and yeah it was pretty much confirmed, they were seen holding hands and kissing in public and there were articles where taylor's team said it too

[nuthin-up-my-sleeve]

My wife is a little pissed at me. Shes amazed how I can go from smoking a pack a day to not smoking at all cold turkey. Jokingly I said “I just do it ike our sex life”. I did manage to dodge the flip flop she threw at me 🤣

[menalez]

Ok so I'm messaging to try and help the porn addiction lady. I am in a similar spot as you, just as some background I viewed porn for the first time when I was like 9 (weirdly it was in a magazine, it was my mom's bfs) also if it matters I'm 23. Personally, I don't think most people can just go cold turkey from something like porn if you were really an addict (watching it everyday, multiple times a day, unable to get off without it, watching it even when you're not horny, etc.) I've been like that since middle school. I think tapering off helps. Like if you watched it multiple times a day everyday, try it once a day everyday, then a few times a week, and then a few times a month, etc. This is just like that infographic that's like "reduce frequency, reduce intensity" that I saw on radblr once or twice. But that applied to heels and makeup not porn. I don't think radblr would support that idea for porn (because if you're watching it in any capacity you're supporting the trafficking of women and children) but idk. I feel like that's what works because as I said I used to watch everyday multiple times a day, but now I'm down to a few times every few months. I did once go completely without for 8 months straight at one point but I can't seem to do that somehow?? Idk I do try though. Also, sometimes it helps if you sprinkle some imagination-led masturbation in there.

i mean honestly i cant judge someone for trying to stop porn by tapering off of it rather than going cold turkey bc at least they’re doing this with the intention & goal of stopping. so if that’s what works then i say go for stopping using this means. but perhaps if you’ve already stopped for several months then it would be a good time to make it difficult for yourself to even access porn. i had a self-harm problem which ik is not the same but the compulsive behaviour can be similar regardless, and one of the things that helped me stop is not having an easy accessible bag with all the stuff i need to be able to self-harm. so i would assume less accessibility to porn = less ability to impulsively &/or compulsively consume it out of habit or in times of stress

[kaidabakugou]

Hello!! This isn’t anything fandom related I just thought I’d ask you cuz I adopted a new pet but he has allergies and ik your pup has allegues as well from one of your posts a while back so I thought I’d ask if you have any recommendations of things he can eat or do to prevent heat stroke this summer, all the vids if seen says to freeze some of his kibble with water but he doesn’t eat kibble, tysm and if you feel uncomfortable talking about it feel free to ignore!💗

hihiii! i’m totally okay with it don’t worry!

you said pet so idk if you’re asking for a dog or a cat, or any other pet but i’m gonna go off on the assumption that it’s for a dog since you mentioned mine (if it’s for a cat pls lmk bc they can’t eat the same things as dogs bc it can be harmful for them🥺)

you didn’t mention a specific allergy so i’m going to tell you what i do for mine based on his, hope that’s okay

also this is just what i do, but pls if you’re uncertain of your pet’s condition and what he can/can’t eat consult your vet ☺️

my little dachshund has sensitive skin and he’s on a limited diet plan, specifically grain free and low amounts of chicken

i live in a very hot area so to always keep him refreshed i make sure that he has cold water in his bowls and i make him some frozen pies that could maybe help yours

i mix some unsweetened apple sauce, greek yogurt, little bit of pumpkin (i add just one tbsp bc he gets another tbsp in his dinner and too much pumpkin can cause digestive issues based on his weight, mine is 13lb so 2 tbsp a day is enough for him but if yours is larger he might need a higher amount) and some bone broth (i prefer turkey bone broth to limit his chicken intake, it’s a little pricier tho)

i pour that in mini pie molds and put them in the freezer overnight and serve it around noon as a little midday snack when the temp outside its highest to help him cool down

my dog also has his own pool so maybe that could help you keep him refreshed, i got him an XL on amazon that are meant for grate danes or boxers so he has space to swim plus i can get in with him and cool off myself lmao

he also has a cooling collar that has mini ice packs inside that you can pop in the freezer and put around his neck later

and lastly he has a little cooling mattress to lay down on if it gets too warm inside

if it were for a cat, i’m a new cat mom so i can’t give you too much tips sorry, but for my kitten i have catnip tea fresh in the refrigerator for her to give her around noon as well when she wants to cool down before a nap

and she also has a cooling mat to lay on when she doesn’t want to be in her bed :)

[funkymbtifiction]

I feel like I’m always in this wave of self doubt when it comes to my type. Because usually when I’m overthinking, I’m overthinking my type. Like ever since I was an early teen, I’ve been doubting it because I wanted to figure out who I authentically am. And I still want to know. Like I’ve read this blog before and I feel like I use the functions in these ways. Fe: I feel like I can have the tendency to push my values onto others at times when I disagree with them, and try and change their mind. It’s mainly because I don’t want them doing this thing/saying this thing because it’s wrong and I think it’s wrong. I also feel like I have the tendency to have an us mindset. Like I’ll be like, “we should do this” or “we should all this together” or “what do y’all wanna do next?” Like I feel like I think in terms of more “we” than “me”. Fi: I feel like I have values when they’re stepped on, which is weird because I don’t know who I am. Like for example, my friend and I are vastly different when it comes to values. I ask her an opinion on something, which is something I’ll feel strongly on, but her response is usually “idk” or it’s whatever. Like to me, I don’t understand, because I’m never really like that unless I’m with family(bc I’m usually not myself around them). But with everyone else, I’m usually expressing my opinions, maybe to the point of pushing them onto others. Se: I feel like for Se, I want to do things, you know, but I mean, I don’t actually do them. Sometimes, it depends. Like I want to go out and experience things, but I usually don’t initiate. Or I’ll fantasize things, but won’t act. Usually cuz I’m lazy or don’t feel like it. But the Se in me is also when I don’t get things quickly, like taekwondo for example, if I mess something up, I feel like a failure and want to quit immediately. Or I remember when I was younger, I couldn’t get the hang of sewing quickly like the other kids and some were younger than me. I felt devastated and I didn’t join back until a month later because I felt embarrassed and didn’t want to go back because that’s how bad I felt. I feel like positively tho, my Se manifests in me doing stuff on a spur. I have a tendency to not think things through, but it also isn’t terrible, like I wanted to go vegetarian one day and the the next day, I dropped meat cold turkey for a whole year. I hate when people say they wanna do something but then they don’t. And that’s kinda contradictory with what I wrote earlier but like bear with me. Si: I don’t know much about this function. Being honest here, I don’t know much to write. If anything. Te: I don’t feel like I have much Te. Because I’m not the queen of productivity. I can get into bursts at times, but I’m not really productive. Ti: Again, I can’t relate much to this function. Not sure what to put here either. Ni: I feel like I can relate with the meaning aspect, because I do wonder about meaning of things at times. But that’s really it; I don’t really like to overthink the future. I don’t mind thinking about it and fantasizing and stuff, but yeah. Ne: This function is like very weird to me. Cuz I’ll type myself as a sensor but sometimes idk. Like cuz I’ll be out and having a good time, but my mind is also wandering, like I’m not 100% in the moment; I’m thinking of other things too. I feel like it comes into play when I can compare random things together (like a chef messing up in a cooking show to me making a mistake in class) or I can have a barrage of ideas (cuz usually people compliment on my creativity; also ik Se can be creative too) I also remember reading about how you said Ne fantasizes but then is let down by reality, which I could imagine for me. Because I’ve always imagined though in the future, I’d be out exploring and stuff, feeling the air, being happy, etc. but I feel like it’s just also not so easy like that.

There's SO MUCH 6w7 in what you wrote, it's drowning out all else. Self-doubt, second-guessing, wanting to change people's minds and have them agree with you, focusing on right/wrong and wanting others to go along with it, assertive opinions but also polling people to see what they want to do, constantly thinking / thinking about what is coming next, imagining exploring but not getting around to it, having 7 wing frustration with reality vs. imagination.

I would assume, beyond that, ISFP. You don't seem to be an intuitive, although you haven't studied the functions enough yet to really know what they are / what they do, so you should keep reading. You seem more Fi than Fe (Fe is about more than agreement or persuading others to go along with you; it's a state of mind that prioritizes other people's emotions in decision making, and you said nothing about that which means it's not your natural focus), and said you prefer not to over-analyze the future, which rules out high Ne.

[myfearless-love]

Can't decide between 73, 75 and 99! 😂😂😂 Although ik whatever you choose to write, I'm sure it will be awesome!

I tried to smash all three together, I really did, but sadly, inspiration didn’t find me. So I chose 75. Hope it’s okay :)

75. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

.

It was an unusually slow day at the precinct on a sunny Tuesday. The July Heat struck L.A. like a furnace, probably anyone with an ounce of self-preservation is hunting for air-conditioned places, or just simply stays at home to avoid getting heatstroke. Today, so far, had only a few hit and run, but it’s nothing that patrol can’t handle, and it’s practically the only time Chloe feels lucky that she doesn’t have another case. She’s quite frankly more than happy to stay behind her desk and sip her cold brew, than be a detective outside and likely obtain third-degree burns.

Which means she can catch up on the giant stack of paperwork on her desk. 

Which means,Lucifer is bored out of his mind, because God forbid that he actually do something productive and be a valuable member of society.

But on the other hand, she probably wouldn’t trust him to correctly fill out the reports - under cause of death he would no doubt list something along the lines of‘fatal humiliation by lack of fashion sense’. 

She doesn’t really know why he stays still, he’s always more than eager to slip out of her sight and out of the precinct when the forensic part of the investigation begins. And it’s not like he doesn’t have the latest and probably most expensive AC system at his penthouse. 

But when the fifth paperclip flies by her right shoulder and lands right next to her currently empty pen holder, she’s about ready to flip over her desk in frustration. Because it’s not enough that he is the Master of Evasion when it comes to paperwork, he has to be a big ass distraction too. It’s kind of his childish way of telling her “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention”.

Her partner is a child. A child-Devil. Satan has a mental capacity of a five-year-old.

Sometimes she really wonders why she puts up with him.

And how the hell did she fall in love with him?

Those are the big questions of the universe, philosophers like Aristotle or Plato can kiss her ass with their ‘meaning of life’ crap.

But it’s probably because of his big heart and his unmatched ability to make her ridiculously happy (when he’s not acting like a child).

“We don’t have a case, you know. And probably won’t have one for the rest of the day. You can really just go home if you like,” she tries to inform him as calmly as she can over her shoulder, hiding her annoyance behind a smile she’s sure he can tell is fake. Her acting days are way behind her, so sue her.

“And why would I do that, Detective?” he raises one dark eyebrow in question, his forehead crinkles into that familiar frown that means he thinks she’s speaking nonsense.

“Because you are obviously bored?” she gestures to him and then to her desk, where his impromptu fun-fair is taking place.

“Well, I’m here to help you. That’s what partners do, are they not?” he asks innocently, as he raises his arm to aim another paperclip towards her desk.

“You don’t actually help, Lucifer,” she replies, her voice takes on a biting tone. “You are just distracting me.”

“Umm, I care to disagree, Detective,“ he shoots her a mildly offended look. “Was that iced latte I bought you earlier not helpful? I know how sulky you get without your shot of caffeine in the morning.”

“I meant actual work, Lucifer,” she rolls her eyes. But that cold drink really helped her, though.

“I also tidied up your desk. After all, you can’t work in chaos properly,” he gives her a smug expression she would really like to wipe from his stupid, handsome face.

And by “tidied up” he really means he removed all the office tools from her desk, so he could play with them later. 

“You have an explanation for everything, haven’t you?” she shakes her head with a fond smile she tries very hard to suppress because she’s supposed to be annoyed with him.

“I’m the Devil, darling, of course, I have.”

He rises from his seat and walks in front of her desk, placing the paperclip in the pen holder and gives her a contemplative look.

“Detective?”

“Hmm?” she replies as she glances back down at her unfinished report, and starts filling out the details about a victim in a robbery gone wrong. Only 25, poor guy.

“Have you seen the new vending machine in the break room?”

Frowning and slightly taken aback, she lifts her eyes at him again. She really did not expect that question. “Yeah, I just bought a turkey sandwich from it yesterday, remember?”

“Yes, but have you really seen it? It has the newest flavors of Pringles and they added your favorite jalapeño chips as well. And the design is just..phew,” he makes a small whistling noise and Chloe thinks her frown is becoming a permanent feature on her forehead. “I think you should check it out again, Detective,” he suggests as he gestures behind his back to the break room.

Now, it’s hardly the first time Lucifer is being odd and babbling nonsense - and even after learning that his metaphors aren’t actually metaphors, he can still surprise her from time to time with his weirdness.

“I have to work, Lucifer,” she states matter-of-factly, and returns to her still unfinished police report.

“But, Detective, I really think you should look over the selection again. Maybe you find something that would really...excite you,” he insists, and she looks up at the tone of his voice.

He has that expression on his face, the one that tells her he’s up to no good, a playful smile at the corner of his lips that makes the crow’s feet she adores around his eyes appear.

She sighs, exasperated. “Ok, fine,” she gives in as she stands from her chair. 

Will there be a time when she’s able to tell him no? Probably not, and she’s learned a long time ago to just roll with it and humor him. Besides, she really needs to stretch her limbs a bit; she’s been sitting in that chair for hours.

“Excellent!” he exclaims and turns his back to her, an eagerness in his steps as he strolls to the aforementioned room, not waiting if she follows him or not.

Of course, she does.

And when she steps into the dimly lit room to ask him what the hell she’s doing here, her back is suddenly pressed against to the closed door, soft and greedy lips finding hers as she lets out a surprised yelp. 

“Lucifer, wha-”

“As I’ve said before,” he interrupts her, placing a kiss on her neck before whispering close to her ear, leaving goosebumps all over her body. “...partners help each other, and now I’m helping you relieve some stress.” 

Stress that he’s half responsible for, but she’s not about to complain when his mouth is doing these glorious things to her body and he proves his point with a gentle nip at her earlobe that turns her legs into goo and her brain into mush.

But still, she supposed to be professional and not have sex at her workplace with her ridiculously hot boyfriend and Devil, and is about to open her mouth to tell him that, but when his lips find that sensitive spot on the side of her neck and his other hand finds its way into her jeans to cup her through her already soaked panties, all thoughts of professionalism flies out the window.

She lets out a moan, and he gives her a proud grin, shedding his suit jacket in the process. Her fingers start playing with the hem of his white shirt before ripping it to the sides, exposing his muscular chest as the buttons scatter away on the floor. 

She’s not afraid to ruin his expensive clothing ever since he told her he doesn’t mind replacing them as long as she’s the one responsible for their untimely deaths.

He lifts her up by her waist, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist, and carries her to the other end of the room as she gets rid of her shirt. His mouth explores her collarbone while she’s busy making a mess of his always perfectly coiffed hair. He gently places her on the only available surface; the blue couch.

And even though the ancient thing is lumpy as hell and probably the most uncomfortable couch she’s ever had the chance to sit on, he makes her forget all that with his expert fingers and other body parts as he takes her to the edge and back, lighting up stars behind her eyelids as they ride out their orgasms.

He’s good. Too good. The best, really.

“Now, isn’t that better, than all those boring paperwork?” he asks when he tucks her gloriously naked and satisfied body on top of his, placing a kiss on her hair.

She lets out a snort, that kind of laugh he once called a “demented witch on crack” but secretly loves and answers “Yes, it is.”

They dress is comfortable silence, and as he buttons up his suit jacket over his buttonless shirt to cover the damage she’d done, she places a quick kiss on his lips before slipping out the door.

She returns to her desk with a smile.

.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206229/chapters/47565649

[shesadramaqueen]

My Curly Haired; Roger Taylor x N!Reader

Requested by: anonymous

Your bio reminded me of a thought I had, being whenever we think of curly hair, Brian comes to mind,so I wanted to know if you could do something where the reader, who also has curly hair, asks Brian his hair routine and they start talking about hair all the time and even end bonding because of it. The rest of the band obviously gets annoyed and roger, who’s the reader with, jealous over the sudden approximation between them. Ik this might sound silly, but it’s just something fun I thought of

Summary: Roger knew you would get along with his bandmates perfectly fine when he brought you in to meet each other. Perhaps, you got along a bit more than fine with a specific curly haired boy. A bit too much for his liking.

Context: based in the early/mid-70’s.

Word Count: 4.9 K

Warnings: bit of angst, alcohol, swearing, a bit of sexual tension if you squint, the L bomb

A/N: I did this a bit more Roger centred than you requested for plot purposes, hope that is alright! I also used neutral pronouns as gender wasn’t specified! I actually used parts of my hair routine for this lmfao so here you go. And yes I used a gif of Ben!Roger and Gwilym!Brian but it reflected the angst I was looking for

Permanent taglist: @turkey-bacon-for-queen, @haikyuumanga

You didn’t really expect all of that to happen when Roger brought you in to meet his band.

You and Roger had been dating for a while now but had never met his mates until one night, when he dragged you to one of their gigs. Maybe not drag, but certainly you felt a bit out of place as that wasn’t your usual scenario.

And that’s how ended up standing in the front row, almost blind in alcohol and screaming senseless lyrics that definitely weren’t the ones from the songs. Still, you were having the time of your life and never wanted it to end.

Roger was looking like a five course meal behind the drum set, of course. The sweat suited him. Yet you couldn’t help your eyes drifting to the guitarist from time to time.

It wasn’t him as a whole what kept your eyes glued to him (he was cute but, having Roger Taylor as your boyfriend, what else could you ask for?), but his perfect curls that fell on his shoulders. You were so jealous that your hair didn’t look like that. 

When he appeared on stage you gasped so hard you saw one of the body guards glance at you curiously, despite him being next to an amp.

What kind of sorcery was that? Never in your life had you seen such perfect hair. It was just breathtaking. At one point you really did wonder: ‘Is this guy real or did someone put LSD in my drink?’.

When the concert eventually came to an end, you were both sad and excited. You didn’t want it to end, as you were having the time of your life, but you also knew that then you’d head backstage and properly meet Roger’s friends. Which meant showering the curly haired boy with questions about his gorgeous mane, as the alcohol didn’t let you feel the shame you generally felt on your every day life.

It wasn’t until you started walking that you noticed how intoxicated you were, and your attempts to look more sober were in vain, so when you reached the door that connected to where the band was, the bodyguards stopped you from going through.

“This is backstage, miss. Staff only” one of them seriously said, while also trying to be comprehensive with your situation.

“But my boyfriend is there!” you managed to slurr out. The two guards looked at each other, amused. “I’m serious! Go ask him, the drummer! Roger Taylor, that is.” You really had to bang your brain for a second to get his name out, and if you were able to in that moment, you’d feel so embarrased for it.

One of them shrugged and went in search for the blond one, knowing you wouldn’t leave.

Some mintutes later, your lover’s head perked up from the door with furrowed brows and you squealed.

“Roger!!” You blurted out with a big grin and he went to hug you. “You guys were amazing up there! You were all like boom and I was all like woooow, you know?”

When he pulled back, he had a smirk painted on his face. “Are you drunk, Y/N?”

“I’m not” you snorted, and booped his nose before continuing. “Haven’t touched a single drop of alcohol in all night.” You smiled innocently and he laughed.

“Not true! You can barely keep your eyes open!” And that was a fact. You could feel the heaviness in not only your eyelids but also your whole body.

“’t’s alright! Now let’s go backstage, I want to meet-” you tried to walk towards the door, but stumbled with your own feet. You were glad Roger was there to catch you, because you would have fallen otherwise.

“The only place you’re going, lovepie,” he said while helping you get on your feet “is home.”

You pouted. “But I want to meet them! I have lots of questions.” You crossed your arms, ready to throw a tantarum.

“You can meet them another day, sweetheart” he said and held your cheek. “But you probably would end up puking all over them right now.”

You threw your head back and groaned. “Fine!” at which he smiled and kissed your cheek.

“Let’s go then” he said and wrapped an arm around your waist to help you stabilize while walking.

“Wait, aren’t you staying?” the confused puppy look you wore made the man beside you laugh lightly.

“And let you go home alone? Not a chance”.

“But this place is so cool!” you exclaimed. “Would you really miss a party for me?” tears started welling up in your eyes.

“You know I’d do anything for you, asshat.” That’s what it took for you to start to messily cry with loud sobs, much to his amusement. “Alright let’s get you home”.

You got outside and the cold air that hit your face made you sober up just enough to calm your weepings down. 

You both waited by the road, Roger trying to get a cab’s attention while you clinged onto him, snuffling your nose and wiping the tears off your face.

When one finally pulled over, you were already half asleep, so you clumsily got inside the car, gave the adress of your apartment and then snuzzled up next to Rog, your eyelids falling shut. 

“Who was the guy with the guitar?” you asked after some minutes of silence, barely conscious.

“That’s Brian, why?” he answered softly. You shrugged.

“Do you think he’s wearing a wig?” Roger scoffed, thinking you were joking. Only after not seeing you laugh he noticed you were dead serious, and he scrunched his face.

“Do I thin- what?” you could feel the confusion in his voice and you furrowed your eyebrows, but didn’t bother to open your eyes to look at him.

“Do you think Brian wears a wig? Or maybe it’s a perm.” Roger couldn’t believe the nonsense you were mumbling.

“Y/N, babe, that’s his real hair” you suddenly sat up straight, startling Roger, and looked at him with excitedness.

“It is? So if I tug his hair, it will hurt him?” you could see a big ‘what the actual fuck’ written on Roger’s face, but didn’t understand why he was so confused.

“…It’s attached to his scalp?”

“Huh. Too bad it’s not a wig” you said leaning back on him again and closing your eyes.

“Why?” he asked, and hesitantely wrapped an arm around you, scared you would shot up again.

“Well because then I could put it on. Obviously” you mumbled as if it was the most evident thing in the world.

That was the last thing you remembered from the night.

A killer headache is what woke you up the morning after.

“Shit” you groaned with your eyes still closed, massaging the bridge of your nose to try and alleviate the pressure that hugged your head tightly. You rolled in the bed and thanked the heavens when you saw a painkiller and a glass of water in the nightstand.

After taking it, you got up with difficulties and headed to kitchen, from where you could smell fresh coffee. Standing there was Roger giving you a great view, as he was only in boxers, eating a toast with some marmalade on it. You wrapped your arms around him from behind.

“Good morning, sleepbug” he said softly and you could feel your headache ease with the mere sound of his voice.

“Good morning” you mumbled and kissed his shoulderblade before pulling away and serving yourself a cup of coffee.

You leaned against the counter and stared off into the distance, frowning and trying to remember what happened the night before. “Rog, could you give me a slight sum up of what happened yesterday?”

It’s not that you didn’t remember it; you did know what happened, or at least the outline of it, but you wanted to make sure nothing escaped your memory.

“Alright so, long story short, you went to our gig, got dead drunk and started crying when I said I’d accompany you home because you were too shit faced to meet the boys, asked weird stuff in the car and then passed out. I had to carry you all the way up here and let me tell you, my arms were tired from drumming.” He raised an eyebrow at you and you bit your lip, trying your best not to laugh.

“Sorry about that.” You smiled apologetically but it faded away when you went over his words in your mind. “Wait, asked weird stuff?”

Your night was all pretty clear until the cab part. You knew you talked, but in that moment your mind lingered between the unconsciousness of sleep and the drunk consciousness, so you couldn’t make out the exact conversation that happened.

“Yeah. You asked if Brian’s hair was his real hair? For some reason, you firmly believed it was a perm or even a bloody wig” he mocked you jokingly but you swallowed hard. For a moment, you actually believed the guitarist had been product of your imagination.

“You are not telling him that” you said wearily.

“Oh, you bet I am, love. It’s the first thing I’m going to tell him when I see him” he had a shit eating smirk on his face that you wanted to rip off with all your heart.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” He stuck his tongue out at you. “I swear, Taylor”.

He giggled and held you by the waist. “Why do you care so much? You were drunk, it’s not relevant”.

“That’s literally the most embarrassing thing I’ve said in my entire life” you smiled pressing your lips together. “Please keep that pretty mouth of yours shut” you murmured and kissed the base of his jaw, one of his weak spots, and he shivered.

“Alright”.

“Good boy.” You winked at him before pulling away. You drank the rest of your coffee and stretched your back, putting your arms up. “I’m going to shower, I feel disgusting. You coming?”

“Would love to, but can’t. Gotta go to the studio today. In fact,” he glanced at the kitchen clock “I should start getting ready and get going if I don’t want to arrive later than Freddie”.

You both headed into your bedroom: you to get rid of your clothes and get a towel and him to put some on.

When he was done, he kissed your cheek. “Want to grab lunch later? We could go to that pub near the studio”.

“Sure! Be there at… 12:30?”

“Perfect. See you later, love” he said before pecking your lips.

“Later, baby” he gave your ass a smack before heading out with a final wink.

When you heard the main door close behind him, you sighed and headed into the bathroom.

You turned on the shower to let the water heat up and stared at yourself in the mirror. Your hair, as always, was absolute chaos, and you frowned in frustration.

Because you were the only one in your family with curly hair, no one had taught you how to take care of it, and you didn’t know how. It drove you crazy: if you didn’t brush it, the curls and knots would cramp over each other. If you did, it became a frizzy mess. And even if you didn’t brush it, it was frizzy.

That was the natural state of your hair and despite seeing people with perfect curls, you had learned to deal with it. That was until you saw his hair, now you felt ashamed of the thing on top of your head.

This was a good thing, you tried to convince yourself. You would be able to ask him about his secrets to keep it so beautiful, as he was someone you’d come to know eventually, but you were too ashamed and you knew you’d feel intimidated around him.

“Whatever. I guess I’ll have to drink again to be able to ask him and get great hair” you sighed before grabbing the brush and detangling your hair, shedding a couple tears in the process, so it could be easily manageable to wash in the shower.

“Fucking hell” you sneered when you got out of the taxi due to the temperature change. “I wish I would have dried my hair” you scolded yourself before rushing towards the cozy pub that you and Roger frequented to.

You peaked inside when you reached the glass door. On one of the tables near the entrance, you could see Roger talking and next to him… a mass of perfect curls.

“Shit” you whispered as you retreated quickly and hid yourself behind one of the walls that were next to the door. You felt like your heart could jump out of your chest. “My hair is a fucking mess” you screamed-whispered and bit your lip in nervousness.

You couldn’t make a fool of yourself in front of him, you had to play it cool. And so you covered yourself with the hood of Roger’s sweater, took a few breaths and headed inside.

As soon as your boyfriend saw you, he grinned brightly and raised his arm so you could spot him, despite being one of the few people inside the local.

“Hi!” you said when you reached them. You gave the blond one a peck on the lips before smiling at the man next to him. “Brian, right? I’m Y/N, nice to meet you. I didn’t know you would be joining us today” you said and flinched a little.

‘Did that sound uninviting?’

“Oh, I won’t. I came because Roger kept insisting how good the beers are here and I didn’t believe him.” He raised his almost empty mug at you before looking at his friend. “I guess I was wrong” he chuckled before drinking again, and you laughed nervously.

Roger frowned and gave you a quizzical look before signalling you to sit down. Not until then you had realized you were awkwardly standing there, so you rushed to sit down while you felt a faint blush creeping up your face. 

There was silence for a moment until Brian set his glass down and got up. “Well, I guess I’ll get going. You’re paying.” Roger switched his curious gaze on you to him with an offended expression.

“No I’m not! You pay your shit!” he said dramatically and you snorted.

“Nope” he emphasised the p, making the boy in front of you groan. He wrapped his colourful scarf around his neck before turning at you with a kind smile. “Bye, Y/N” he then turned to Roger. “Finish that damn song already, drummer” at which Roger flipped him off as a goodbye.

Brian chuckled and started walking away, your gaze not leaving him as he became smaller the furhter away he was, his hair bouncing with grace over his shoulders.

When he was out the door, you closed your eyes and sighed before looking at Roger, who was staring at you intently. “What?” you asked.

“What was that?” he questioned back.

“What was what?” you picked up the menu and started eyeing it to avert his gaze, even if you always ordered the same thing when you came here.

You could feel Roger’s eyes on you while silence settled tensly for some seconds before he shrugged. “Nothing” he said before looking at his own menu.

That’s how you found yourself staring at Brian more than you should have. More than you’d like to. The sight of him made the self hatred towards your hair increase, but it also struck you every time.

‘Fucking ridiculous’ you thought, mouth hanging open when you saw him enter the studio in a particularly humid and rainy day without a single strand of hair out of place. ‘He doesn’t have a single bad hair day’.

The past few days you had gone in the studio with Roger, as you were on a break from university and only worked in the afternoons. You would rather spend time with the band, who you had already met, than hang around in your apartment doing nothing.

The thought of being made fun of terrified you so bad you started wearing the most unbelievable accessories and hairstyles so your hair would stay hidden, which Freddie would giggle at every time he saw you.

Roger, on the other hand, seemed a little off. A bit too weary, too tense, too cranky and you didn’t know why. Specially he was like that around Brian.

You were sitting on the sofa of the recording room next to Roger one morning, watching Brian record his part. You had to say, that was also something breathtaking. His technique and way of playing was something from another world, and you found yourself staring in awe once again.

When you turned to Roger to comment how good the new song sounded so far after Brian did a particularly good riff, you saw him roll his eyes while staring at the booth with the most annoyed expression. You furrowed your brows, confused.

You were about to ask what was wrong when the door swinged open.

“Your turn, mate” a sweaty Brian commented with a smirk. Roger glared at him for a second before huffing and getting up to go to the booth, stomping his feet on his way.

“Oookay” Brian said, not knowing what was going on with him either, before plopping down in the couch next to you.

“You were killer in there! I can’t wait to hear how the song turns out” you exclaimed excitedly. The fact that you were awkward around him didn’t stop you both from getting along perfectly fine.

“Thanks! I worked pretty hard on that one and I really like how it turned out” you smiled at him before turning your attention to the booth, where you could see Roger angrily yell at Freddie through the glass, the last one wearing a smug smile as he had mutted the sound so not a single complaint from the drummmer could be heard.

You scoffed and shook your head at your boyfriend’s attitude.

“Unbelievable, isn’t he?” You turned your head only to see Brian already staring intently at you. “What? Is there something on my face?”

He smiled and looked down. “No, sorry for staring.” He looked at you again and slightly frowned before speaking up. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you”.

You unconsciously fixed your slouched posture and bit the inside of your cheek, feeling a bit anxious. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“Well, uh,” he started and looked to his side “I don’t mean to be rude but, I’ve noticed you’ve er… been staring at me?” Your eyes opened up dramatically. “At first I thought it was my imagination but I don’t think it is. Again, I’m not trying to put you on the spot but I’d really like to know why that is.” He sheepishly scratched the back of his head with a nervous smile.

You could feel your cheeks burn as you looked down and played with the trim of your hoodie. Had you really been that obvious?

“I’m sorry” you started and chuckled slightly. “I really didn’t mean to do it, sorry. I don’t want this to sound weird but, I really like your hair”.

He blinked rapidly and blushed slightly. “My hair?”

“Yeah! I’ve honestly never seen anyone with a hair like yours. I’m pretty much obsessed with it and that is why my eyes drift to it much more than I’d like to… Mainly because I have curly hair myself, kinda”.

“Well, thank you so much, really…” He softly said. “I’m flattered. And what do you mean kinda?”

“I do have curly hair but as I don’t know how to take care of it, it looks horrible and anything but curly. That’s why I always wear something on my head, so it can’t be seen. I feel intimidated around you because of that.” You said the last part so quietly you doubted he heard you.

“Well, why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I didn’t want to come off as a weirdo”.

“You literally stare at me” he pointed out jokingly.

“Fair point” you laughed and noticed that you didn’t feel embarrassed anymore. Now that you had broken the barrier between the two of you, you felt relaxed and confident enough to talk to him about this topic, something you should have done long ago. “So, will you help me?”

“'Course!” You smiled at him, thankful. “You could take your hood off, though?”

“Shit. Yeah, sure” you mumbled rushedly and bit your lip before you pulled the fabric off your head, unleashing your damaged hair that went all over the place. You silently prayed the others were too distracted so they wouldn’t notice it.

He inhaled sharply. “Oh, wow”.

“I know” you said while getting some of it out of your face. “It’s messy and damaged and horrible. I used to straighten it but it got really bad so I stopped and started wearing stuff that would cover it or different hairstyles that would ‘control’ it.” You picked a lock and started inspecting it. “I just don’t know what to do so I really could use your help.”

“First of all, don’t brush your hair when it’s dry” he said cringing a bit at the thought of it. “It’s very damaging and causes breakage. Instead detangle it in the shower when it’s literally soaked in conditioner. And talking about that don’t wash it too often… leave around 4 or 5 days in between wash day” you furrowed your brows at this.

“What do you mean? Won’t it get like, dirty and dry?” He chuckled slightly.

“That’s why you refresh your hair every day in order for your curls to always look good. I personally shake my hair up with my hands, wet it and apply some curl definer cream and some conditioner before scrunching. Then I just let the air do its job and hope for the best.” He shrugged and paused for a second before continuing. “A big lifehack is sleeping with a pineapple ponytail which basically means a loose ponytail on top of your head, but if you find it uncomfortable you could also carefully wrap your hair with a silk scarf.”

You held your hand up to make him stop talking, as the information was overflowing your head. “How come you know all of this?” You asked, feeling a bit dizzy.

“I’ve talked to a lot of people and tried a lot of stuff. It’s basically trial and error” he smiled at you sympathetically. “We’ll get your curls looking amazing, I promise”.

“Thank you so much, Brian” you kissed his cheek and just in that moment Roger came into the room and you put your hood on once again.

You saw him shoot a deadly look at the man next to you and decided to intervene.

“Hey love, how was the recording?” You asked completely oblivious to why your boyfriend seemed so annoyed.

“Fine” he growled.

You tilted your head slightly. 'Huh? What did I even do?’

Freddie sensed the tension and spoke up. “How about we take a break?” He said clasping his hands together.

You felt everything had been good since that day: your friendship with Brian was flourishing beautifully, as you both talked all day long about every topic that came to mind. Your hair also looked better than it ever had, and this boosted your confidence into another level, which had Freddie extra happy and excited.

The only thing that still seemed off was Roger, but you figured that it was because of the pressure from the album, as he sometimes got extra snappy when he felt stressed, so you decided to give him space and not overwhelm him.

At first, John and Fred were quite happy to see the guitarist and you getting along so well, but as the deadline of the album drew near, the warm feeling was replaced with an exasperating one.

One morning you were happily chatting with Brian while Freddie was scribbling down some lyrics, John was playing on his bass and Roger was sitting on his stool, twirling his drumsticks, when the bassist finally fed up.

“Look, Y/N, we get it. You and Brian have a lot in common and whatever but we’re supposed to be working so please can you leave it for later?” He snapped and stopped playing.

“I agree, darling. We’re not here to hang out” Freddie said calmly but you could sense the slight irritation in his tone.

“Sorry guys” you said and couldn’t help but giggle, so you leaned into Brian’s neck to hide it, while he also tried not to laugh at their annoyance.

You snapped out of your happy state when you heard a loud noise, which made you shot your head up.

Roger had stood up so abruptly he had knocked down his stool, and you were only able to catch a glimpse of him before he stormed out of the room. You immediately got up to go after him, feeling very worried.

Following the trail of cold air, you walked through the hallway until you saw the fire emergency door open. You approached it and peeked through the glass.

Roger was sitting on the floor, with his chin resting on his arms that were leaning on one of the railings and with his legs hanging out the platform, cigarrete in his mouth.

“Hey” you said softly. He didn’t answer, but just glanced at you for a second before returning his gaze to the passing cars below.

You sighed and sat next to him while he took a drag. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

He snorted, clearly upset. “What’s wrong? Obviously nothing. I’m fucking great, can’t you see?”

You crossed your arms, feeling slightly annoyed. “Look, if you’re pissed I’m sorry, but you have no right to snap at me like that, I’m just trying to help you.” You were about to get up when Roger put a hand over your arm to stop you from leaving.

A couple of seconds passed by until he spoke up. “I’m jealous” he mumbled and dropped his hand off you.

“What?” You asked, not sure if you heard right.

“I’m jealous, okay?” He exclaimed and looked at you in the eye.

“Jealous?” You said, not believing what you just heard. “What eve- wait is this because of Brian?” Roger looked away, ashamed. “I can’t believe this. You’re jealous of one of your best mates?”

He shrugged. “It’s fucking stupid and I hate feeling like this, but I see you both getting along so good and being with each other so much I can’t help but wonder… What if you’ve finally realised that I’m not good enough for you? What if you finally got tired of me?” His voice grew weaker with every word he said and he hid his profile with his hair to not give away the tears that welled up in his eyes.

That’s when you became aware of what was happening. He wasn’t being possessive over you or angry at you. He was insecure over himself and scared Brian might be able to steal you away, as he felt his friend was much better than he was.

“Roger, we literally talk about hair.” You held his hand and squeezed it.

“I know and it’s so stupid but… I don’t know.” He took one last drag and threw the cigarette’s butt down, watching it fall to avoid your avid gaze. You grabbed his face and made him look into your eyes.

“Roger, that won’t happen. I’m not going to leave you for Brian or for anyone. I don’t deserve better because you’re already the best thing that has happened to me.” He was moved by your words, but still they didn’t convince him completely.

“And how do you know that won’t happen?” Your heart clenched at the sight of him being so vulnerable.

“Baby, I don’t know if any of that will happen in the future, but I’m sure it won’t happen now. It won’t because I love you, Roger”.

“You what?” His eyes widened in shock. Not until a second later you realized it had been the first time you had said it and you were surprised that those words left your mouth. Still, it felt right.

“I love you and I’m not going to leave you” you repeated, smiling brightly, and you could feel Roger melt into your hands.

“I love you too, Y/N” Your heart raced at his words, feeling so happy you could combust.

You leaned in to kiss him, but a cough beside you made you jump instead.

“Can we please get back to work?” Deaky was leaning in the door frame with crossed arms and quirked brows.

“Are you joking?” Roger groaned. “We’ve literally been here for 5 minutes.” John rolled his eyes.

“I want you on the recording room in a minute” he said looking at you both carefully before walking away.

“Now, where were we?” Your boyfriend said with a dorky smile before kissing you.

His soft and warm lips on yours made butterflies fly in your stomach and you smiled against him, which made him do it as well.

You broke the kiss and he pouted. “'C'mon!” You giggled. “Let’s go back, you have to record your solo now.” His frown changed into a big smile.

“Yes, let’s go!” He excitedly exclaimed and rushed to go back to the booth, not even waiting for you.

“Darn it, I love him” you muttered to yourself while going after him. “I really do.”

[fluffyballme]

Christmas w/ marauders

This Christmas was at Remus and Sirius’s place

Harry was born already so James and Lily needed to bring him with them

Remus planed everything; like what they are gonna do, what they are gonna eat and what they are gonna drink

While Sirius was more of one who would rather do it in last second cuz ‘‘C’mon love.. its 9 in morning.. u dont need to go shopping now..’‘

They eventually both ended in shopping; Remus picking stuff while Sirius was strolling the cart tiredly

Its Christmas eve and they (mostly Remus) did everything for dinner and decorated the house

Peter, James, with Lily and Harry came in same time, and they were greeted with Sirius wrapped in decorating paper

James and Peter laughed while Lily and laughing Remus tried to help him

After the little incident they all sat down in dinning room talking; Peter was talking with James and Remus about latest thing what was going on in Wizarding World (after all their profesion was gossiping) while Sirius was playing with little baby Harry who was sitting in Lily’s lap

It was time for turkey which Remus prepared 

And hella turkey was amazing and of course other stuff Remus prepared

They had little bit of wine after dinner, lets say they were just sitting at table and talking about old school days (but they were mostly embarrassing James with his old plans witch were how to make Evans fall in love him or just talk)

After they mostly just talked and enjoyed little bit of them time

Then it was gifting time

Lily got from Remus and Sirius got blanket (some their joke idk), from Peter Lily got newest cooking book and from James she got necklace

On other hand Peter got from Lily and rest of marauders book with their pictures inside (he might cry at that)

Remus got from Lily and James sweater and Peter got him some books and James got him what Lily too cuz he swears he didnt forgot to buy gifts

James got from all of them sweater with Prongs, Wormtail, Moony and Padfoot on it (again he maybe isnt only one who cried because next to him was female deer as Lily and small deer as Harry)

And Harry was of course spoiled because he got from his uncles Moony and Padfoot broom for babies; ‘‘Sirius! Remus! Now he is gonna break everything we have in house!’‘, Peter got him small blanket cuz ‘‘Its cold outside and he is gonna be cute in this!’‘ and James and Lily gave him presents at home

It was already late in night and Harry already fall asleep so it was time for everybody to go home

It was amazing night with best friends and just as Remus thought it was over, it wasn’t

As he said goodbye to everyone and closed doors he turned around and saw Sirius on one knee with small ring in box

Remus was in filled with emotions ‘‘Sirius..love..what is this?’‘ Remus could only ask that and Sirius only said few words ‘‘Marry me’‘

So Remus got on his knees too and kissed Sirius hard ‘‘U are out of your mind’‘ ‘‘So thats no??’’ Sirius asked worried

‘‘No morron that’s yes’‘

And that’s how marauders spend their last Christmas together

Also that’s how wolfstar got engaged

Ik i am late and i am so sorry for what i wrote :)

[notyobabygirl]

hey liz 💙 my boyfriend a week ago told me he was going to quit smoking weed. i was honestly really proud of him and i think it’d be for the better. it seems like he kinda relies on weed, he spends so much money on it, and idk i think he’s just grown as a person so much lately that he should kick the habit while he can. he’s been smoking weed since he was like 14 and he’s 18 now. he didn’t smoke for 4 days but then he bought more on the 4th day and has been smoking ever since. at first he told me he got the weed just to smoke before bed to help him sleep. but he’s back to smoking multiple times a day. as his girlfriend idk what i should do about it… i don’t want to overbear and tell him he needs to quit but i don’t think i should just let him give up. he quit vaping last summer and he went back to it a couple times before actually quitting. so hopefully this is the same deal where it’s just gonna take a few tries for him to really be able to just stop. i kinda talked to him about it last night i was like “ok you told me you were quitting and you asked me to get on you about it if you smoke. should i still get on you or do you not want to quit anymore?” and he said “ik i need to quit or at least smoke a lot less than i do now” but like it didn’t help me understand much. i’m not sure how to go about this because weed is honestly a part of who he is as sad as that sounds. but i can see how much it affects him in his every day life. like his memory is the absolute worst i’ve ever seen, he’s so slow in general, and he gets sooo moody when he hasn’t smoked in more than a few hours. which is a big reason i think he went back to smoking after only 4 days is because he kept getting mood swings and would lash out over minor things. whereas weed keeps him chill and happier. idk i really don’t. what would you do if you were me? try to push him to attempt quitting again or let him figure this out by himself?

I know that it can be really difficult just quitting cold turkey and odds are, you will relapse if you just decide to quit after smoking all the time for over four years. I think you should suggest only smoking before bed and the slowly when he doesn't feel so dependent on that then lessen it. if his memory is bad and you just think weed is really affecting him in a negative way, then I think you should push for him to quit and help him through it!

[fatass-verified]

A lil update, mostly what I've been up to and future plans and whatnot

Oh well, how the turntables. Looks like I'm back, my phone is gone now, it turned off and won't turn on anymore so I'm using my old ass laptop again, I can't make any kind of posts or stories on instagram so I guess I'm gonna get back on here, I wanted to delete this one and make a new blog cuz I don't feel like going through the people I follow and weeding out people so my dash is good again but I also want my name so idk, maybe I'll start anew with a new identity and not even tell people this is my old blog lol idk we'll see, anyway idk if I can call this recovery, but basically I've stopped starving myself, and I'm trying my best not to binge eat anymore (and failing miserably, but at least my binges aren't that big so meh), but I've been wanting to get back on track and lose some weight since I'm literally almost back at my hw but I had very important exams these passed couple weeks so I've been eating enough to be studying aka too much cuz I can't get shit done unless I do it with a million other shit so I just blast music and text my friends and eat and keep drinking stuff the whole time whatever lol I'm rambling again, SO, I still got exams but I'm positive I can pull off the rest while starving I already finished the important ones so idrc about the rest, and I wanna start changing my relationship with food.

Me and food... It's a long story. Growing up not knowing whether this will be the last time you can afford this food you really like or food in general really while also not "owning" anything around you really fucks you up. I took my merry time trying to figure out why I'm like that with food and... I think that's why, I don't know if this will be the last apple I'm gonna eat, I didn't know that was the last bar of chocolate I was ever gonna have when I ate it and look, I haven't had another since ages cuz it's too expensive and rare to find in stores now, same goes for a lot of other stuff, not to mention that at home, nothing's really mine, I don't work cuz I just turned 18 five days ago so I couldn't work before and now we're in the middle of a pandemic AND an economic crisis so no way in hell I can find a job and I'm not even done with highschool let alone have any kind of degree or work experience... shit rambling again okay so what I was saying is that I don't make money, and my parents don't believe that I need allowance because they're buying me food so what do I need money for, which would be right if they saw that food as "mine", which they don't, I'm always getting shamed for eating the food even when they buy it for me, and when they do buy my favorite food I don't know if there'll be any left the next day cuz the could and probably will eat it, and then we don't have any more money left to buy more so I don't get any more... And yeah my logical brain tells me this is stupid, but that really IS the problem now that I've been thinking about it and working hard at noticing queues, when I know they don't like the food I have and want, I don't feel the urge to binge on it as much, and when I know I'll be able to buy more once I run out I also don't do it as much, add up to it that I'm expected to make sure I leave a bit for each one of them even if that means I can barely eat from the food they allegedly bought for ME and no one even considers me, and it's not just food it's everything but I'm not getting into this right now, like they'd buy food and make food for themselves and not give me any even when I'm around, and like deadass I'd wait for them for dinner multiple times so we eat together and they end up eating out together not only without me and without bringing me any, but also without telling me they're not gonna eat home when they know i'm waiting for them, so yes this has made me lose sense of safety around food I guess, and moving out to my grandma really helped with that actually, I'm glad I did that even tho my grandma is literally two steps away and I see them everyday and stuff it's still better than living there, it is a challenge to fast and exercise here but I'll make it work I'll figure it out.

Soo yeah now that I figured it out I feel it's easier for me to help myself, and I wanna relapse in starvation really really bad like y'all got no idea, and to be completely honest, I've only ever cut out one thing and it's sugary drinks, and I've done an amazing job at it I almost never have it anymore, and I really wanna add some stuff to the list, and I wanna start with my favorite, bread, which I've said is impossible my whole life cuz like 90% of my daily intake is bread, so it's gonna be tricky, but I really wanna cut it cold turkey like I did with liquid calories and animal products (okay the animal products one I can't take credit for it since it literally disgusts me now that I've done my research on the animal industry and veganism and whatnot) but I think this one is gonna be a bit more gradual, mainly cuz I don't want my grandma to notice much and I might slip up a couple times but I really wanna be able to say "oh I don't eat bread" one day, like not because of carbs and that bullshit but because I like it so much, and like liquid calories and bread... they're like essential to most people, so I guess people would be impressed knowing that I don't eat bread as much as it impresses them when I say "oh I don't drink x" or "oh yeah I never put sugar in my tea" or "oh yeah the only coffee I drink is black coffee"... weird ik lol, and I also wanna cut of fried food at some point, like I technically only eat fries when it comes to "fried food" but I wanna be able to cut it off as well, that would make me happy, a food that once used to have control over me doesn't even tempt me anymore... that's... that would be a dream come true. Hmmm what else, that's mainly it, I barely ever have chocolate or sweets anymore cuz of money so that's not a problem anymore so I'mma work on those first then I'll see what's next, maybe pasta? But then again I don't wanna be cutting out just carbs lol it's not intentional I just wanna cut off my favorite foods, okay maybe chips next, definitely chips next, even before the fries, I think I'mma do that starting now, we barely have chips but I really like it and have never had it without binging, sooo yeah I guess that's it. Anyway, this has been a long one, I'll definitely be posting more unless I decide to change my blog, soo yeah see y'all later

[violenceeisgolden]

Tmi/tw/an update

Had such strong cravings for alcohol/such strong urges to say "fuck my health, I'm already fucked, lets fucking lose all this weight you gained in recovery, buy some adderall and vodka and allllll the opiates in the world and at least enjoy however many shitty yrs you have left" except like ???? Okay, so my private insta kept !! Getting !! Fucking deleted !! Idk why, like yeahh i bitch about my drug problems and my mental illness but i have never shared a triggering picture? Meanwhile all these accts with people fkn shooting up are still up? Huh what a concept So anyway, i was thinking of making a side blog. Or i could just vent on here i guess but posting on my side blogs sounds safer. Damn. Been out of the Tumblr world for a while now. Anyway, since it's quite clear that I don't care about a fkn thing anymore... lemme give you all a lil update on the joke that is my life. This one's gonna be EPIC. So. Uh. First things first... I made it five days without any form of any opiate in my system. I did not eat anything in those 5 days. (Wanna lose weight?! Just get addicted to painkillers and develop crohns, then quit your painkillers cold turkey!!! You'll drop 10 lbs in a week!) I did not keep many fluids down, aside from the days when i was in the hospital. I was shitting and puking blood by the fourth day, because my body had nothing left in it to get out. I still smell like the stench of withdrawal - aka, overpowering body odor, desperation, sadness, guilt... etc. On the fourth day, my "stool" was nothing but black and blood.. I knew my potassium was low, not including sodium, etc. Was starting to get chest pains. Blah blah blah. IST was acting up. Whatever. I knew I had no choice but to go to my shitty hometown clinic (and... yeah i hate NOTHING more than that fucking place). Luckily, I got this cool 1st shift dr who appreciated my extensive knowledge of my esophageal and colonic conditions. She also gave me morphine. But I mean, 4mg through an IV is like... nothing. But.. that fucking rush. Whenever I get IV narcotics in hospitals, it's a nice reminder for me to forever stay tf away from needles. Anywhoooo Moving along. So i got some fluids/potassium, two of my veins are dead now (not even bc of drug use, as i stated above.. legitimately because I've had one too many IVs placed or wtf ever) so they had to stick me a million and one times and i was like :))))) yeahhhh keep causing more pain guys because ya know. I can just fucking take it obviously!!! And then.. this bitch drops the bomb that i realllyyyyy have been hoping was NOT true for like... ya know... a fucking year... that... okay fuck it, you guys all know i am a shit person anyway, lets add onto it.. anyway yeah. I have herpes. And my HPV is progressing. Still dunno about those cancerous cells bc no one tells ME ANYTHING but she said i have a severe pelvic infection that is travelling towards my liver. So they're like "lets do a REALLY intense course of antibiotics" and im like ??? Fucking a man im getting mad just writing this all out. Anyway i was like uhm. How tf am i supposed to keep down antibiotics when i CAN'T EVEN KEEP DOWN WATER THAT IS WHY I'M FUCKING HERE JFCCCC. And they were like "yeah we're aware but you legit do not have a choice" bc yeah, don't want my liver to go downhill (I've been such a lil fuck to my drs lately.... could not care less tho bc they deserve my bluntness) so i called my new case worker (she is super chill, super gay, lets me swear and call my drs fuckers as much as i want, which is dope) and basically explained, she said she's gonna try and get me back on subs legally so i can at least nourish myself and keep my health up (ill still be in pain but I'm learning that id rather have my body not slowly dying and be in pain... what a cool sacrifice. I also was like... "Hey yeah no hospital is gonna admit me rn... and my health is worse now than it was in '14 when i weighed 60 lbs less so like... I'm going to use street subs. Or opiates in general. For a few days. So i can get my electrolytes back somehow... also did i mention i have herpes? *bawling ensues* anywhooo... Just thought I'd let you know." And she was like "Fair enough. You need to eat." And i was like okay cool tell my dr and his bitchy nurse that usually replies to my messages bc i do not need anymore fucking stigma rn .. okay? Tyvm" so that was.. that i guess. So yeah. I used. On day 5. And... i didn't even truly fucking want to. That's the worst fucking part of this whole fucked up bullshit... I WANT TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG AND SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO THIS. And i could have. If it wasn't for my poor health... i fucking could have. And I'm gonna tell that to my pdoc when I see him. But you know what? I fucking ate. I kept down a loooottttt of liquids. Opiate wds technically cannot kill you. And the thing is... I've been through the "near fatal" ones (booze and benzos)... but I always caught my alcohol dts super fast, got treated and then away i went. But no. Opiate withdrawals will not be dangerous~~~..... to a person who is in decent health. I say decent bc lbs if you're using them either legally or illegally, something is already prob wrong lol. I remember a story that my ex sponsor who is now a good but distant friend (who relapsed, and when she relapsed, we became close lol shes sober now tho dw) told me once about opiate dts... she said one of her friends was so dehydrated, malnourished, etc... that he almost did die. And it took him almost dying for anyone to take him seriously. And, as I was laying in that miserable hospital bed... I remembered that. Opiate wds cannot kill you, but you're gonna wanna a) kill yourself, because it's honestly fucking easier that way (or so your mind will tell you) and b) if you're in poor health... try and find a detox center/hospital that will take you. ASAP. On tuesday... fuck i lost my train of thought... (in other news, i now have a promethazine script and... boy oh boy lol probably the best non naroticc/not scjeduled drug I've ever gotten my grubby lil hands on)... yeah idk that's all I publicly got rn. If you actually read all this... 👀 @ you, Ashley, bc ik you're the only one who reads my shit on here anymore (love you for that, btw 💜)... but yeah if you read this all, you guys are the real MVPs... I'm gonna start using one of my private blogs on here. Mainly because..welll...its fucking private and also really enjoy the fact that i saved the URL "clonqz3pain" so... yeah that's all I got. Hope you all are doing better than me.

[toadcircus]

@bidennis tagged me in an 11 facts about urself thing thank u !!! honestly like i share so much about myself on here this cud b repetitive 4 shit ive already said and also im super forgetful. this is gonna b rambly brace urselves

the only bone i have ever broken was my thumb when i was 11 or 12 i think? i was in year 7 MAYBE 8. and i was at the pier and my dogem stopped working so i dove into my friends one and my thumb like... juddered along the seat. my mum didnt think it was broken so she didnt take me to the hospital for like a week LMAO. now that thumb is dead straight

these 2 boys in my class in primary school asked me if i was a virgin in like year 5 (7 or 8 y/o) and i didnt know what it mean but i knew it was something sex related so i took a 5050 chance and said “ew no...” and they were like shouting about it 2 the whole class and laughing so i drew a picture of them getting boiled in a cauldron and got a super stern talking to by like 3 teachers. 

i HATE traveling it makes me very nervous because of how confined it is and you have to be at certain places by certain times (airports, campsites). i travelled A LOT as a kid bc my dad has a camper van and we went around most of europe in 2 weeks which means that i dont remember most of it because we were there for like an hour driving through it “do you remember turkey” nO DAD

i also really dislike when things are concretely planned. like there doesnt have to be like alotted time slots or anything but if the plan is to go to like idk H&M then Primark then mcdonalds and we go to H&M and then a charity shop and then the newsagents i dont like it at all because that wasnt the plan! we’re never going to get to primark or mcdonalds and we wont be able to eat bc everywhere will b closed !!! just makes me massively overthink shit basically.

i had one pupil a bit bigger than than the other but thats settled down now which is annoying bc that was COOL

i wear a lot of layers to sleep because i am quite a cold person. i tend to wear a top and a jumper and jogging bottoms and socks or sometimes two jumpers. with a duvet as well. idk im just cold man

Im pretty excitable with things and i dont tend 2 realise when im being TOO into something. like if its a project in class or something and i only realise when im like shouting all the answers to something or being really loud and i see people like.. exchanging looks and then i want 2 die a bit lol

my webcam is covered with a bit of masking tape that i put there while watchng that super freaky episode of black mirror where the guys being watched through his webcam and then i thought like thats probably something the goverment do in real life or something so i covered it incase bc the idea of someone watching u while ur just sitting there like... staring @ ur screen fucks me up man thats booky 

i love the “my brother my brother and me” podcast and you should 100% listen to it 

jumpscares fucking terrify me like ik theyre meant to be scary but they like really fuck me up for a while like ugh no no no

im terrified of the sea/swimming pools! im okay being near the sea but the smell of chlorine makes me like really nervous and jumpy

this was fun! dont think anyones gonna read it all those which is fair bc its long 

i tag:

@ickyyy @goldendreambarbie @sardinesss @babysham @adrianicsea

@psychoticriminal and @beastiebros!!!