#ill be fine i just needed to vent about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coldresolve · 11 months

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setting up these fucky characters and pouring so much effort and energy into making them unique and complex and human, developping an entire philosophy for each which interacts with and is changed by whats happening, setting up the dynamics between them and then gradually shifting everything in a way that feels like a natural progression towards a set theme, every moment being a culmination of the moments that came before it. spending actual days deliberating over power plays, internal and external conflicts of interest. and then its just 'davin is the nice one and renee is the cruel one' as a regular sidenote on feedback

there's just so much to unpack in little sentences like that, i dont even know where to start sometimes. it happens all the time. you're wrong. you've misread my story. you have zero clue what i'm going for, or how im approaching this. you dont even seem to understand when we're speaking past each other.

am i a bad writer? are you a bad reader? did i make it too subtle? do you not know how to read between the lines? do i expect too much from people? do i need to change? do you? how do i strike a better balance between the extremes of too-vague-to-be-comprehensible and so-obvious-it's-patronizing?

am i too immersed in my own bubble to understand how other people think?

are you?

#not to make an example of u nonny ur comments were just another one for the books lol #ill be fine i just needed to vent about it #its prolly a schizoid thing im aware #other

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bornetoblood · 6 months

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OOOH okay the 'im a talentless hack that no one likes' thoughts are kicking in time to go to bed frfr

#its fine i like know its not true but they show up anyways cus of the #mental illness what can you do #its fine just signal i need to sleep dw about me it happens it does it the brain likes to be mean its cool its chill #the rat speaks #vent #ig

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pzos-amiserableidiot · 2 years

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#am tryin not to cry about this right now. I wonder when it’ll be over #this specifically. the trauma from my parents from being the savior the mediator and I’ve been communicating and trying so hard #and it’s been months and we still need to go to therapy and like everything’s ‘fine’ like I’m gonna be moving to dorms in the fall but #my sis will be stuck here for 4 more years #I don’t wanna start a fight and try and become her legal guardian and like she literally has a plan to run away if stuff gets worse #so like everything’s ‘fine’ a stalemate really and it’s all good if I don’t think about it too hard and it’s whatever sorry #I just want to heal already #(that’s not even touching the trauma having a chronic illness gives and how that’ll never go away lol) and other things #vent sorry #just look at the pic and feel things

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bueris · 4 months

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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post

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paranoidgemsbok · 4 months

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i swear im not mad im not even a little bit mad or annoyed because if im mad and annoyed thats just me being an asshole so im NOT. mad, or annoyed. or at all inconvenienced. in fact its fine and i love it, its great actually. thank you. what else can i do for you for nothing in return ?

#watch your kid for another weekend while you go out and have fun? sure! dont tell me what time youre getting home i like it being a surprise #dont bother thanking me when you get home either really this is for MY benefit i should pay YOU #dont bother telling ME youre dipping out of helping at a vendor show! i like finding out secondhand its like a mystery #i also love how every time you see me youre soooooooo nasty or just vent all your problems!#and if i complain about anything in MY life im being dramatic and annoying and whiny! i need to shut up!#which like i get that. im only a vessel for you to pour your problems into its really annoying if i try to talk about myself. selfish tbh #whatever. the shows only five hours so ill be fine.

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mirpkechi · 19 days

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sgave me shoeagaze. save me shoehaze and self destriction. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#miro's rambles #yeah i havr bpd. beautiful princess disorder #chat inthonk im gonna pass out ????? its fine prolly #no onss online #gonna do unspeakable things to myselfm 🔥🔥#chattttttt please dont go offlineeeeeee pleaseeeeeeee #feed this attention starved mentally ill teenager with a crippling addiction to his phone with the attention it wasnt given !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if i think about it my father actually literally is shido #1. hes a fucking asshole who should kill himself 2. balding 3. looks weirdly like uim 4. need validation fro m him but never gets it #uh #5. evil #6. SA'er #7. weird fucking beard #8. no respect for women #etc etc #uhhhhh nearly made my mother khs #yeah idk a lot more #chay i thinknits getting bad again ngl #anyways im literally goro akechi did you know that #funny because online i act so much more differently #i think i just like portraying myself in a really different happy silly guy way #slang and kaomojis and shi #but irl idek what i am #ok let me cook.#gifted kid‚ highest grades in my whole year group‚ friendly and polite ig. idk i got someoje whondoesjt really know me to describe me #liked by most people ig #so ig being online is easier because i can show all different personalities of mine at once ??#idk man im gonna pass out #save me shoegaze and pacing around the house and nausea and dizziness and iron deficiency and #sorrh for the ramble. reached max tag amount. not rlly a vent js an incoherent lore dump ig ?? listen to loathe theure cool btw

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lucyvaleheart · 11 months

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#man. nights are. Hard huh #Uhhh this is. Another vent post HEAVY trigger warnings for this one #honestly I wouldn't bother reading this nothing'll come of it good or bad so #don't worry about me ill be fine in the morning just need to. Scream into the void again #....again serious serious trigger warnings on this I'm too tired to say specifics but I know it'll be fucked so #Anyway #maybe Jade's right maybe I do need to see a therapist #she talked about some medication for anxiety and it's effects and what is like on and off the stuff #And......#........'waking up and going to bed on the verge of tears' vs 'not doing that'#sounds................#............christ. I...#I'm not suicidal I think I'd never actually follow through nor would I bother to self harm #None of that would solve anything for me and I'm too chicken to do it regardless #But.....#......i sure do think the words 'I wanna throw myself off a cliff' kind of a lot #killing myself is sounding less like a vague weird concept and more grounded in reality #hhhh #do I need to talk to someone about this? maybe #am I going to? probably not #is putting this on my public blog where I know there's a very good chance a bunch of people really close to me will see it a cry for help?#............................................................#i dunno #just know my chest hurts all the time and Im always a few seconds away from breaking down in tears at any given moment #and I just kind of want everything to stop #just stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop #wanna turn my brain off and just leave it like that #everything sucks and is hard and getting harder and despite being absolutely surrounded by love and support #I keep having these horrible low points and the high points feel further and further away #....anyway.....this is the last tag it'll let me do so. um. I'm sorry for whoever does read this... hope you're having a decent night

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arcaneyouth · 2 months

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theyve gotta stop doing this to me

#spider right up next to my bed again :/#vent post #negative #its whatever. it didnt reveal itself to me a terrifying way this time so im not freaked out more just annoyed #and theres no other spiders in our spare room so i can sleep there #its just stupid?? like come on man. stop that #kinda tempted to ask that we get rid of the top bunk of my bed #which would mean i dont.... get my nice comfy lil bed cave anymore #but it would mean i no longer have to be terrified theyll yknow. crawl onto my face again.#i dunno if i could give my bed cave up tho its so nice #ill have dad check out the sealing on my window first before i think about that #cause i knowwww those lil shits are coming in from there #they pretty much always spawn in my room from there #unless its the lil babies in which case they try to fall on my computer from the vent above me #but i can handle the lil babies i can put those ones outside theyre literally tiny #tho it might be fuckin useful to put the damn vent cover back on my vent finally.#gaugh. i hate summer. i hate that my fucking room is a spider magnet. go awayyyy #i think that last spider encounter tho may have been genuinely traumatizing tho #cause i can HANDLE spiders. i cant get rid of them but i can cope with them existing #if theyre out of sight theyre not my problem!#but i like. couldnt handle not knowing where this one was. i needed to be sure or i wasnt gonna rest #and when i did find it it was in kind of a bad spot so the shit im scared will happen again was totally possible #so while normally it wouldve been Fine the moment it went out of sight #this time im sleeping in the spare room. sighs loudly #whatever. the spare beds comfy and i managed to grab all my stuff so im all set up #just annoyed

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doctapuella · 6 months

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i was so proud of myself for not crying at all yesterday (anniversary of my mom dying) but wow today one call from my grandpa is all it takes!!!!!!

#we sent some pictures because thats a nice thing to do #he immediately yells at me and wants to know why theres not any of me #'youre ashamed of yourself'#i mean yeah but thats not his fucking business #and hey im not gonna bother applying to any more jobs because he informed me ill never get one!!!#ill be fine i just needed to vent #i just cried so hard i feel like im gonna be sick so i gotta go do something to get my mind off of it #sigh #im realizing now that the post makes it sound like today im crying about my mom #i am not #im crying because im 37 and my apparently immortal grandfather is always a fucking asshole to me

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gemharvest · 3 months

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#undescribed #ventings #<- im fine i just did this for stress relief eeauuuuhhhh #`karl if you need to clock in at 1 why are you leaving at 12:53` smallass town it only takes me like 5 min to get to work #and i feel awkward as shit hanging around for too long b4 im supposed to clock in #i almost wish i had just agreed to go the whole day but also i remember the one other time so far ive done that and #gehhhhhhhhh but i feel bad for not wanting to go in LOL usually idc this much about going in #but i had a long day yesterday and just wanted to chill until next wednesday :') oops #ill feel better tomorrow i think

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waywardsalt · 4 months

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anyways. holding linebeck gently

#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind #sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex #general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out #so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about #i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me #anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump #smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room #with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms #anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug #linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine #nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest #i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot #and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just #chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries #and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help #like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig #thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want #prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit #uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn #bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link #and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh #ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno #its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later

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lesbeet · 4 months

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i wish i could live outside of my brain sometimes....it is so fucking loud in here!!!

#big girl words would be 'im experiencing a lot of different emotions about a lot of different things rn and it's incredibly overwhelming'#but IT'S SO FUCKING LOUD IN HERE describes it better #something something the universal experience of craving understanding but never being able to achieve by nature of being human etc #plus a lot of other shit ranging from 'i have students im worried will kill themselves this summer' to #'if my cat plays with his litter one more time i might start ripping off my skin'#anyways ill be fine when i have more edibles and am w my gf later i just need to vent bc i think it makes it worse to keep it in my brain #where it's... already very loud #if i haven't made that clear #ANYWAYS ignore this im just externalizing my thoughts so they don't eat me alive im fine

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zoppzoop · 4 months

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GAAHAHHHHH

#venting in the tags #maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much #but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn #im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but #i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me #feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel #like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went #back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening #and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just #crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and #usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better #but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that #plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut #the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad #'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like #shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those #fuck you you bitch #i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep #tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less #ps. note to anyone reading the tags #im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.

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dream-sans-mogai · 5 months

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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

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possiblytracker · 1 year

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feeling normal (birthday in like 3 days that im not ready for) feeling normal (too artblocked and preoccupied to even think about finishing artfight and wrestling with guilt about it) feeling normal (-£600 in bank account) feeling normal (realised breaking my foot last year led to Lasting Consequences but cant see a physio abt my fucked up legs til january) feeling normal (has to learn to drive stick and the instructor is scary) feeling normal (stlil has no idea how to un-fuck social life after the great mental breakdown of april 2023) feeling normal (gross sobbing)

#'hows it going' yeah everything is happening so much its fine tho <2 #like im FINE im just. all over the goddamn place i need things to just settle down #i applied for a job thats like. actually the closest thing i can think of to my dream job. like. rare opportunity where i can suck up to th #employer as much as i want about the place having a huge impact on my life and mean every single word of it for real #(its at the bird park where i used to volunteer but this time doing flight displays animal training and education)#im slightly underqualified for it (no prior hands-on experience and no drivers license yet) so i might not even get the interview #so not getting my hopes up high yet #i can always volunteer there again on weekends while i work whatever retail gig will take me if i dont #but fuuuck it'd be nice. so so cool #'required qualifications: undergrad degree in fields related to animal behaviour' me rolling up with my shiny new Animal Behaviour BSc:#anyway. AUghrh #give things a few more weeks to shake out. ill be okay #having complicated feelings about one chapter of my life being over.. its a fucked up transitory period thats prolly gonna feel worse-#before it feels better #but ill settle into it soon especially once i get a job/my sister goes to college in september #....and i get the goddamn boxes out of my room so it feels more like a place i actually live again jgHJSDN #vent/#its not Really but close enough

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snailfen · 1 year

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BLAAAGGHHH. bleeeeghhh. auogghhhhhh

#I HAVE FINISHED SO LITTLE ART AUGH im getting no closer to finishing peaches pg 3 or the divorce pages #and my power went out due to what i can only call. well. quite the downpour #ugh i feel dumb about everything all of a sudden as well this SUCKS major style #prolly just in a weird out-of-energy funk after being away from home for an entire month tho. hopefully its over soon cus its the worst #i need to think about puppys and kittens hugging each other and then ill be fune probably #*fine #mossball.txt #vent

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