#ill try to get on a better schedule | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oh-no-its-bird · 22 days

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I asked for a trim and my hair dresser gave me a FUCKING PIXIE CUT I'm so genuinley distraught I ended up crying on the train home

Canceling all of my plans next month I can't let anyone I care about see me like this

#IMMEDIATLEY scheduling an appointment to get lashes I cant physically handle looking this boyish its giving me hives #im currently desperatley trying to see if my hair still curls but I dont. think its long enough for it.#it just does this stupid fucking flippy thing that makes it stick out more #I look like a lesbian but not the kind of lesbian I WANT to look like #all of my favorite outfits are ruined they would not look the same with this cut #the vibes would be undeniably different #i cant be a cottagecore princess anymore the best I can now do is cottagecore maid my power has been stripped from me #this is devistating I will never be happy again #for a few months at least #fuck this better grow back fast I actually dont know what Ill do if every time I look in a mirror I look like That #birds rambles

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orcelito · 5 months

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Submitting myself to physical therapy for my cringefail shoulders bc I remembered it's a muscle problem, aka something that can possibly be fixed, SO

On the 16th, I am starting physical therapy again 💪

#speculation nation #same place i went to back in 2022. tho a different problem.#my insurance company's gotta be gettin sick of me scheduling so much shit 😂😂😂#but it is the year of Unfuck My Life!!! even if my life continues to try to fuck itself for me!!!!!#so im in therapy again and im getting new glasses and i have a doctor's appointment end of june And new PT #AND i am also still keeping up with my dentist appointments!!!#look at Me the absolute picture of health #i really do hope they can help me with my shoulders bc this has been a problem for most of my adult life #and it kinda really does suck 😅#PT sucks ass but it really did fix my lower back pain problems (Most of the time. sometimes it flares. but it's Mostly gone.)#ill take a Mostly better but sometimes flares with my shoulders. pretty fucking please.#scheduled it for later next week bc im busy this week. but then i will be doing biweekly appointments #i am the pina colada of fucking health. look at me go

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cavity-collector · 27 days

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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honey-skulls · 2 months

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HUGE VENT

I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen

My routine these last two weeeks has been:

-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep

-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw

-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am

I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍

Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore

Silence is actually worse than loud rooms

It's driving me insane

It's so loud

#literaly so mentally exhausted to the point that i forgot to ask a bunch of really important stuff and tests at my last gyneco appointement #i can't remember which med I'm supposed to take at a specific hour and which one is whenever. so i just take them both at the same time #i can't remember if i have still boxes of meds in advance and which one i need to go refill #because they're stuff i need to constantly take and not suddenly stop with #but i keep forgetting to check #and i can't remember where i put the prescriptions anyway #and which one are the right one and which one are old #I'm so tired #and I'm so tired of being tired #and I'm SO so so tired of constantly fighting to have my health and struggles acknowledge #i kinda just gave up and now i'm just mindlessly sitting there at the appointments for only 10 minutes being being told that i can leave #I've just been run in circles for way too long #and i get aggresively criticised every time i use advice and seek for help on the Internet. by the same doctors who don't give me ANY advic #or help #and my head has been pounding for two days #and my verbal ticks have gotten so bad that it genuinely gets hard to breathe sometimes #with a therapist that just made me talk in circles and lowkey criticised me for two hours #(this was our first real therapy meeting and they're supposed to only be 1 hour and are NOT reimbursed because the autism center will NOT #fucking answer to ANYONE. medical professional or not. so i had to go private 😃👍)#and the only thing she gave me at the end of those 2 hours was this schedule that I'm not allowed to bend #I've been trying to daydream about my AUs and develope them as usual to try to feel better #but now that i have time to draw. i just get more and more drawing ideas that keep pilling up and tear me apart from the inside because i #can't draw any of them thanks to this damn fatigue #i literally only did 1 af revenge and still need to do 3 more. and i genuinely don't know if I'll manage to do that #i told two friends that ill draw something for them. but nothing. because too tired and everything keeps slipping from my mind #i will daydream about Dimentio for hours straight. then forget that i did. and panic that the fixation is slipping because i “haven't #thought about him in a while“. ”a while“ was 40 seconds ago. I'm not exaggerating this keeps happening #i also keep spending the night DRENCHED in sweat because i just can't sleep without my blanket on me anymore. so more struggles #vent #negative

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shdwtouch · 2 months

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yeah I feel like I don't need to say this but. if I'm following you it means I like you, I like your muse(s), and I want to interact. I may be slow and awkward and forgetful but I want to be your friend and do my best to be friend shaped, just like I would hope all my mutuals are friendly and try to be friend shaped to me.

I'm sorry that I'm not the fastest roleplayer under the sun, but I feel like I make up for it by engaging on the dash and being supportive. sometimes I don't have the energy to do that, but I never halfass or halfheart what I put out and on this blog. I will always be back eventually to shout positivity, like posts, and do my best to engage when I don't have the muse to interact. I'm doing my best, truly. if that isn't good enough for you... I can't say I won't be disappointed, cuz I will be, but. that's okay. I understand.

and that is the thing, ya know ? I do my best. but sometimes it isn't enough for folks I have genuinely tried to engage with on the dash and support, and me being supportive and friend shaped doesn't entitle me to their time, follow, or anything else. but please do know I am trying my best. and I am disappointed when I don't get to interact with folks, when they don't try to interact with me. it is a two way street after all; I know I can do better, but I also don't think I should be doing all the chasing. we all seem to have anxiety, that's okay, but it also means we could all stand to put ourselves out there a little more and try to be friend shaped / interact.

#《 ° puffin.exe 》 im a puffin ! i dont do much #《 ° important 》 we interrupt your regularly scheduled dash to bring you a thing i would like you to see #feeling kinda down about some partners i lost recently but. im okay. ill get over it. i always do <3 #just. cant get rid of this bad feeling. trying to work past it tho ! promise. im just. idk. its hard.#i know i take things too personally. i know i need to do better. but i also know i shouldnt beat myself up because rp IS a two way street

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mutalune · 3 months

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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

#starlight personal #it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in #my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires #like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful #and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these #I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now #SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME #I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do #if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning #the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH #WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT #AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE #basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics #I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out #2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation #time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh #that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral #to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first #see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP #SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is #all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much #because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions #mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect #and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it #it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter #but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but #mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read #cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about #how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron #separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward #the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not #allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i #talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand #so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday #and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having #a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself #sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like #reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it #doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of #ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put #myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing #unrelated

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six-of-ravens · 5 months

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today has become one of those days where I berate myself for not doing enough of all my hobbies and exercising and cleaning and cooking and watching things and such and ohh man how easy it is to gaslight myself into believing making a "schedule" will fix all my problems.

#the schedule works for like one week when its fun to cosplay as a productive member of society #and then i get tired. or i come home late. or literally any other tiny disruption happens and im like 'well! i give up now!'#also it SNOWED today A LOT MORE THAN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO #so my mood is. low.#also i really do need to do yoga bc 3 weeks in a row of dentist appointments has destroyed my neck and shoulder muscles lol #but i will continue to procrastinate that bc it's haaaaard #anyway im just whining. ill try and finish the gardening when i get home tonight and then ill feel better

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junk-culture · 6 months

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"do i want to do art as a career or a hobby" life's most difficult question that plagues me every second of every day to be Honest

#i feel like part of the reason i went oh ill keep it as a hobby is because i didn't feel like i was Good enough to do it professionally. but #i will only become Good enough if i actually put the time and energy into learning anatomy and everything else and treating it as a full #time programme of study.#which is difficult alongside my accounting degree that i don't fully care about.ohwell #to be honest i will literally have the whole summer to draw so i guess it's fine tbh #i might get really serious and try to follow a vague plan/schedule of devoting x hours a week to anatomy and stuff #i just hate how limited i am right now like i know my art isnt bad but im so lacking in so many areas #well who give a shit...i got plany of time.#i think i will stick out this degree and then consider where to go from there...#i think i do feel too unready for a “career” of any kind so even if i COULD enjoy doing art as a job e.g. comics or children's books i thin #it would probably be better all round to slowly work my way towards it in many years time

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agenderarkham · 1 year

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What if I exploded rn. I think it’d be good for me personally

#I left work earlier than I needed to today (didn’t get overtime that I want and enjoy) bc I had a doctors appointment today but then I show #up to the office and oops !! I guess someone forgot to schedule it tee hee you wanna sit there for an hour so we can squeeze you in no well #you’ll have to reschedule then what’s your availability oh you get off work anywhere from 1230 to 230? how about an appointment at 1 o’clock #LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE YOU THINK THIS IS MY FAULT EHATS THE POINT OF YOU SITTING THERE IF YOU CANT EVEN #SCHEDULE A FUCKING APPOINTMENT ??!!??? AND they’re making ME call my insurance to make sure it covers the orthodics I’m trying to get #so like. if you can schedule an appointment properly. and you’re making me call the insurance company to make sure they’re gonna cover the #shit that your doctor decided was best for me. what the fuck are you doing all day #also I cut my finger on something I literally don’t know what bc I’m so fucking about to explode frustrated and angry I’m having to lay on #my bed with the lights off and my sunglasses on so. fun #ALSO I go to leave after angry crying in my car for a few minutes and my key is stuck and wouldn’t start for a few minutes. what a wonderful #day that I’m having huh. can’t wait for my birthday on Saturday where I’m just gonna be sad because all my friends are moving away and a #bunch of people I know have died. what a week huh !! and here I thought I could start to treat myself a little better and start going to the #gym and get some good news at work but NOPE I GUESS ILL GO FUCK MYSELF #sorry. I’m feeling bad lately 👍#vent #Arkham rambles #arkhamrambles

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g-a-r-f-i-l-e-d · 1 year

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I was thinking since I'm still new to radical feminism, as well as just centering women more actively in my life. That I don't know a whole lot of historical women or women who were significant or even are beyond pop culture. Women who were/are breaking barriers or who have made significant change or discoveries in their fields.

In one of my art history classes, the teacher who kept gloating about being feminist rarely if ever mentioned female artists throughout history, and I remember being really frustrated when she mentioned two female artists who against all odds were allowed into the best school in the world at the time of the neoclassical era, and all she did was show us the paintings these women did AS TEENAGERS! Not even the height of their career, nothing about how women at the time weren't allowed in for excuse that they'd faint if they saw a naked male model since female nude models weren't allowed at the academy due to female models being lesser and the lack of prestige that came with hiring them (many were also prostitutes as well) or how my brother in his history of mathematics class got glossed over the female mathematician Hypatia, who recovered and held onto the last remaining knowledge of the Library of Alexandria, and reformed and improved upon astronomy during her time, and the only thing they discussed of her was how she was ripped apart by a mob of men claiming she was a witch, even then she gave her son that knowledge to bring back to the people. My brother was also frustrated that her life was glossed over to instead quickly say "man men suck, glad to know feminism fixed everything" and just move on.

One of my favourite things that being involved in radical feminism online for me has been getting to actually know these women beyond footnotes in a history overflowing with male accomplishment and biography. That there's a focus on women, and what we can do and have done. And, after seeing a lot of that, I really realised that I haven't done much to actively learn about history or the significant women within it, and being exposed to it made me excited to do so.

So in a mark to improve my knowledge and a step to more actively centering and supporting women which I'm still new to any activism, I'm going to be dedicating every Wednesday to posting about one woman or a group of women in the past or present (but mostly past historical figures, even recent past) who have been historically significant, made change in their community or world at large, and made waves for women to propel forward. I'm calling it Women's Wednesday, and am excited to start learning! If anyone who sees this post has an amazing woman in history, from any country, any history, anywhere they'd like to tell me about I'd love to look them up and dedicate my time to learn about them!

#women's wednesday #radfem #radblr #baby radfem #women #history #women's history #i do struggle with periodic posting #but im going to try my best and make this a goal to help get better with daily or weekly scheduled things as well #if i learn about a woman from another radfem post ill add that in #im thinking i will anyways #i think its important to credit at least where i initially heard it from #i know a lot fo radfems here do already post about historical women on here to raise awareness #i just wanted to have a fun little day dedicated to it #i apppreciate what the community has done for me

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danggirlronpa · 1 year

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Happy Pride! I'm too swamped with work to draw or write anything for it until later in the month but if y'all want to send in characters or ships or prompts I'll make lil headcanon batches for em

#'but peach what about the poll' i am unfortunately simply incapable of keeping to a schedule it seems #no one should expect better from me at this point #mod talks #talk to the mod #ive still got some leftovers from the hot takes ill try to take care of em in the next couple days too #started a game design course and its a BLAST but hoo boy. Its Some Work #trying to ease into doing interactive things on this blog too just because i have a good time w em #low pressure low energy get to hear myself talk which i love

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microfeelings · 1 year

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👁👄👁

#lmao... i dont want to vent especially bc its something super stupid but if i dont get it off my chest ill feel worse 😤#so feel free to ignore ✌😊#that feeling when youre friend got into art and she now has a better style than you :)#i love having poured 15+ years of my life into art and drawing and still not having a discernable art style :))#AND I HATE THAT IM FEELING JEALOUS bc her art is so pretty and shes doing so well with it and im so happy for her #I also know that im actually feeling angry at myself bc the reason im not like her is bc im not trying hard enough #but god just thinking about doing a fraction of the work that she pours into her stuff makes me want to curl into a ball #and sleep until the trees are blooming again #i need to change my sleep schedule... and my diet i know im not eating properly and thats probably not helping in my low energy #or maybe my low energy is just a lie and im lazy... anyways this got too depressing

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diodellet · 13 days

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woi yung bagong bidet card ni jamil ay nako bwiset bWISET TALAGAAA nagtatampo pa si ante (but hes sooo gorj, hes soooo prettyyyy i wanna maul him)