#im actually really emotionally exhausted

[thisdreamplace]

i keep having these glimpses, of purity, of truth and also cloudedness easily provided by the ego.

i know its a moment of transformation, of rebirth. for a moment all is clear, and i get it. peace flows to me in abundance, love is a thing i am and not a thing i seek. all is well and there's nothing to ask for anymore, nothing to want.

but other times, its a downward spiral and crash landing into every painful story i ever called mine. any hurtful belief i easily accepted back then, when i simply didnt know what i know now. and sometimes its so heavy, i can hardly make the seperation between a story and my true self.

i've learned so much on this journey, experienced such beautiful things. but the truth is, things havent been easy for me lately and i want to be transparent about that. more than anything, i'd like to allow safety and knowledge of the process. knowing these things, doesn't make it an overnight process. and that's okay. i'm saying this for myself, but for everyone else too who feels like they're doing something wrong because they read the posts and they get it, and yet that hasn't stopped the fears or doubts or ego from taking over time to time. let's never pretend the process doesn't exist, because then we'd be denying this life we chose to come here and live and explore, and that just makes everything more painful than ever necessary. it's deattachment from what the ego says things are supposed to be, and just allowing what truly is, beyond all that.

the post i wrote about indifference, i understand it more than ever. that being said, it doesn't mean i am always successful. but even so, i know that's where i want to go back to each time. it makes so much sense, there's nothing to fight, and even more, there's nothing to liberate myself from. i've been sitting with myself, sometimes with binural beats on (i just really like them, no need for them tho) and just sit with everything. not in a fight, not to say "i dont believe in you, go away"... but to simply say "welcome in, your presence literally changes nothing." and sit with that uncomfortable feeling if it arises.

i'm leaving this blog indefinitely, once again. i love reading all of your lovely words, and finding small pockets of inspirations from some of you other lovely bloggers out there. but it's also time for me to turn away again, to find peace in my own life, and come closer to the god within and the love that is infinitely mine, if only i'll allow myself to acknowledge it.

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm so emotionally exhausted

[bqstqnbruin]

Like I'm reading a report from the Economic Policy Institute and it says that in 2022, teacher pay is 26.4% less than that of someone working in a different profession with the same or similar education and experience, and it looks like it's only considering a bachelors degree, when most places require a masters or more for teachers to keep teaching, so who knows what that difference is when that is factored in. And that's for public school teachers; private school teachers are paid even less. Teachers make $.74 for every dollar that other professionals make, you really think that we want to be policing when a child can go to the bathroom when we already aren't paid for this?

[bl00dw1tch]

*Person who's never heard of motifs or establishing themes*: idk i just feel like they keep reusing the same tropes, its kind of predictable :/

[manifestmerlin]

Anyways I had to rush a semi major assignment done in like. An Hour before it was due after trying and failing to work on it allll night and getting no sleep at all. Why? Because i was busy reading Alternate Universe by Unda and going insane thoughts in the tags.

[seeyalaterinnovator]

Personal in the tags ig ?

[waywardsalt]

oh right i fucking hate my job

[thistlekiss]

.

[pyrriax]

mayhaps coming up with a fic idea :3

[urbanfiltered]

still about being in ur 20s

[s-4pphics]

A/N: me vs writing what i’m supposed to aka moth aka vampire possession aka anyway here’s post santa barbara angst don’t ask questions im not really sure LOL

“You’re back.” 

Determined hands freeze in the dirt, the freshly watered daisies glistening under the beaming sun rays. Your soiled fingers halt all movement at the soft acknowledgment from behind. A sigh leaves your lips. 

“… I am.” 

An exhausted one, and it’s not from your strenuous labor in the garden. Your body refuses to turn, but holes burn in your spine, leaving behind lasered streaks of green. 

“Can you look at me?” Ellie pleads gently. The softest you’ve heard her be in months. 

What she doesn’t know is that you’ve been back. For a week actually, hiding out in other people’s homes throughout Jackson, assisting in places where Ellie’s least likely to go. The garden in particular; Pollen makes her sneeze. 

Time is vital and interesting; Dina left her and Ellie’s farmhouse with her son when you fled Jackson. She sought you out, but you weren’t there. You spent most of your time alone, walking, running, killing what you had to. Searched for peace, internal and external. The sight of the waterfall was worth the months-long trip. Your home is different now. Eerily quiet. The kids you helped teached to read don't play outside or laugh as often anymore. You hardly see Tommy or Maria around. Jesse is dead. Joel is dead. Dina isolates with JJ. Hugs him like she’ll die if she lets go. 

Ellie’s forever changed. The town’s forever changed, and you’ve finally accepted that it’s for the worse. 

“Is listening not enough?” 

Cordiality is beyond you. Spite is evident. Even the flowers can feel it. 

You tried to be patient, to coddle, to mourn and aid and tend. Sacrifice your own wellbeing for the sake of hers. You tried, Dina tried, Tommy didn’t but he did at the same time. Oddly, destructively, but in his own way. You blame him and don’t. Hate him and don’t. He’s violently and permanently scorned, but so are you. So is Ellie. She says nothing from behind you. You rise with a pop in your knees and an upturned lip. 

When you face Ellie, your knees wobble. Scarred: emotionally, physically, mentally. Permanently. Her eyes are more breakable than glass, the shattered hand that displays defeat hid shamefully behind her back. But her cheeks are fuller, no longer the hollow vacancies they were before she left. Maria was always on her back about finishing her meals. 

Grief is complicated. Hurt. Anger. The flowers wilt. Listening isn’t enough, and neither is sacrifice.

Ellie’s nose always twitches when she thinks. Your heart gives a sporadic pulse, but not enough to revive the shell you're trapped in. 

“I don’t want an apology from you.” 

She shakes her head, “I know.” 

“Then why are we talking?” 

Another twitch of her nose. She searches for something. “I—“

But then she flinches away from you, a bent arm coming up to cover her nose and mouth when she sneezes. A painful jerk thrums through your chest, but still not enough. 

“Bless you.” 

One more sneeze, but softer. A bit squeaky. Remnant of when you first met her at 13 and she followed you out to the greenhouse to watch you water the orange trees. 

“Thanks.” 

You nod stiffly. When she doesn’t say anything, you move to leave. Your work is done and she knows you’re back; There’s no point in being alone with her. 

Ellie doesn’t follow, but she does speak. 

“I’m trying.” 

You pause, one foot in front of the other. A doe learning how to walk for the first time. 

“I’m trying to be normal. I’m trying to be okay but it’s not working.” Her voice trembles.

You weren’t expecting a confession. Normal. An interesting use of the word. No one feels that anymore. 

“It probably won’t for a long time.” You state, just as quietly as she, “But if you stop trying, you’ll rot from the inside. If that’s what you want, then fine. But if not… That's all you can do now.” 

“Will we ever be okay?” 

‘We’ means many. ‘We’ means two. Your back’s to Ellie, but you can see her. Unmoving, but frantic. Her mind cranks at a million miles a minute. You feel her eyes on you. Too familiar. 

You’re not sure how to answer, so you don’t. You take one last look at her before you walk away. 

Flowers never look the same the next day. 

[signanothername]

Ough, I'm wondering I know I know we should try and figure out ourselves BUT im wondering. Are you soul colors you use for color's flame in your comic hold any significance? I'm not sure if I'm just... overanalyzing things. Especially since there's a shift to a rainbow to more solid soul color switches from the first few panels to the other ones. Thanks!

Nah I’m actually glad you asked cause I actually love when people analyze the shit outta my comics, it makes me so happy cause i actually love to put all sorts of details in them gdgdgdgdh

I was even planning on replying to your tags cause they were so good dhdhhdh but i might as well use your ask to do so

And in fact, Color’s soul colors do hold a very big significance! I specifically chose the color depending on how Color is feeling or depending on the situation that’s happening ( this is far from what’s actually canon for Color, as the shape of the flame is actually what gives hints about his emotions in canon, so take the colors changing as simply a headcanon i love jdhdhdhhd)

Color starts with a rainbow cause he’s on a hike, he’s feeling all sorts of emotions (I headcanon that Color loves hiking) but it also represents that Color isn’t feeling one emotion strongly over others

Then when he sees Nightmare, the colors turn to a solid color one at a time, but if you look closely you realize the colors i chose are specific to the situation

Here’s an example

When color talks about whether Killer wanted “payback” I specifically chose yellow cause it’s the justice soul in Color, then it changes to blue when Color tells Killer that he loves him more, and blue is for integrity, then it turns to orange when he tells Nightmare about Killer’s message to him cause it requires bravery to say such things to the likes of Nightmare, and so on the colors keep changing to suit the situation throughout the comic >:)

And allow me to reply to your tags here (they’re so good i love them sm dhhdhdhhd)

And thank you for liking his design shdhhzh i just really wanted to draw him with a different outfit, especially since he’s on a hike, a lil adventure if you will, so i wanted to have him be pretty <33333

And as for the clasp it was honestly unintentional hdhzhsh but now that you mention it I definitely need to have Color wear all sorta things that point to his besties, idk i feel like Color would be the type to do that a lot dhhxhxhxh

And i’m glad you called Nightmare pathetic actually cause that’s what i was aiming for, Nightmare is feeling like a lil frightened kid again >:)

AND YESSSSSS like when i was making the comic, Color calling Killer to ask if it’s ok was so damn important to me, like Color is that kinda person y’know? He tries to take into consideration so many things before he acts, he thinks about things and keeps thinking and thinking, Color is emotionally intelligent and his consideration of everything is why i love to think Color gets burned out sometimes, that being said, Color would absolutely think about Killer first before he acts, and while he obviously wants to help Nightmare where he can (despite disliking Nightmare cause he’s selfless like that <333) his bestie comes first <3333333

AND THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THESE DETAILS EEEEEEEEEE

As for the big hand, YAS!!! It’s Canon! Color has 2 other weapons besides his blaster! It’s mentioned in Color’s official ref sheet! (Warning for flashing colors!) But the fandom doesn’t portray it often unfortunately (including me I’m guilty of that) that’s why I really wanted to include it in the comic! :D

And yessssss!! I aimed for Nightmare to look extremely exhausted by the end, I really wanted to show how enduring 500 years of cruelty did to him hdhdhhdhd

And yessss Color is that kinda person, he wants to help where he can, and I mentioned it in a convo with a friend here hdhdhdh

And actually thank you for connecting Color’s design to carebears i love them dhhdhzhhz (the design wasn’t inspired by them i just did it on a whim but i’m so glad it reminded you of carebears actually hdhshs)

[intheholler]

Do you have any tips for being more comfortable using your natural accent in front of people? I was bullied for it as a kid and scrubbed my accent away through teenhood. As an adult, I feel like I still have to put on a neutral accent so people at work won't judge me. I told one of my old bosses that I was from Appalachia and he went on about how he'd seen do many documentaries on Appalachia and what good people we were, but also added that "Wow! I never would have known. You don't have an accent at all. You're so well-spoken!" and it felt bad. I think he had good intentions, but it made me feel like a zoo animal. I always see comments on other Appalachian folks' posts about their accents too, and there's always a handful of jerks who have to say something about their intelligence or make an incest or drug addict "joke".

It all hurts a lot and makes me self-conscious, but I don't want to be this way around my friends. Do you know how I can stop letting peoples' ignorance and classism get to me? Worrying about how I pronounce words or if I'm using region-specific slang all the time is so exhausting.

hi there <3 this is a topic near n dear to my heart because i spent so much of my life trying to avoid sounding appalachian, and the last few years of it desperate to sound so aggressively appalachian that yankees can't understand me, lmao.

that is all to say: this is gonna be long as usual.

first: class solidarity, family <3 this stuff really sucks.

what inspired me to push past the discomfort of using my natural accent after a lifetime of getting rid of it was actually along the lines of what you mentioned: people being shocked that i could be from appalachia, and be articulate at the same time. there are so many nasty, hurtful implications there.

i hate to say it, but there's no easy answer to this.

something in me just… snapped one day about ten years back. i started to look inward, and i discovered this overwhelming pride and passion and love for my home that i had denied myself my whole life, out of fear over how it made me look.

i started doing the self-work and digging deeper into that. it wasn't comfortable, but once i embraced appalachia, i wanted to defend her. the best way to do that for me was to be loud. my pride in where im from outweighed the rest.

maybe you should start there, too. look inward, break down your own subconscious biases about yourself and about our home. find out why you have been made to think this way.

work on loving the appalachian parts of yourself. GET. FUCKING. ANGRY. at those who poisoned your mind with this shit, and use that fury to work on dismantling the beliefs they imposed upon you.

because why shouldn't we talk like our mamas just because some asshole thinks its funny? why should we give up ties to our community and culture, just to be respected? why should every blessed conversation be emotionally and physically taxing just to make a classist more comfortable?

it isn't my shame to carry, and it isn't yours. it is their shame, and their self-work to do. it is not our responsibility to coddle their ignorance. that is on them.

now, when someone hears me talk, it causes a sort of dissonance that they then have to wrestle with. it shifts the discomfort and emotional labor away from me, and puts it on to them instead.

every time i speak proudly, they have to confront themselves and their biases, and how it harms someone that they respect--you.

and if they aren't the kind of person empathetic enough to do that, literally who gives a shit what someone like that thinks about you.

turn those 'jokes' they make about it right back on them:

why is drug addiction funny? why is incest and sexual assault of children funny? why are underfunded schools and a failure to give children across the nation a fair and equal education something to laugh about?

framing it in my mind that i was taking back control in conversations this way helped me speak more comfortably. it made me feel empowered.

i think of it like this: by speaking in my dialect and embodying positive and "unexpected" traits from the region (leftist politics, anti-racism, things like that), i reclaim my power. i use that power to slowly shift the opinions of appalachia with the people i interact with.

it was scary, and it's still scary. but by making a conscious decision every day to speak in our dialect and be courageous even when it's hard, we are reclaiming the parts of ourselves that they took from us. we are bettering the image of the region we love so dearly.

it is INCREDIBLY empowering now to settle into my accent. but it took a LOT of self-work, courage and self-respect to be able to do it.

it ain't easy. i do still struggle with it; i catch myself code switching all the time. i don't think you or me or any of us trying to reclaim our accents will ever fully escape the weight of the classism that dictated our manner of speaking for a huge chunk of our lives, unfortunately.

but if you do that difficult work, it is so, so liberating, family.

you can do it. talk to yourself when you're home alone. let the accent get comfortable again on your tongue. start there, then let that beautiful dialect out for the world to hear <3

[tisaolin]

How would Erron, Liu Kang, Scorpion and Mileena apology and make it up to reader when they had a big argument and accidentally hurt reader's feelings?

And how would reader apology and make it up to Erron, Liu Kang, Scorpion and Mileena when they had a big argument and accidentally hurt their feelings?

I am sorry this took years to make, I’ve been mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically exhausted. Lifes hard yknow? If you need a break then take one but im so so sorry it took me years to complete this

Kombatants and their s/o apologizing after a fight

Genre: Angst(?), fluff, comfort

Characters: Erron Black, Liu Kang, Mileena

Erron Black

Erron is one stubborn S.O.B so bring him to apologize is like getting a child to eat vegetables.

He doesn’t see how he was in the wrong so when you demanded an apology, he just looked at you like “🤨” and walked off.

Erron doesnt really apologize but he’ll let you know he isnt mad by attempting small talk, pampering you, and flirting obviously.

How do you apologize after hurting their feelings?

Just like Erron, you’re stubborn and dont want to apologize. But you come around to it. Eventually.

“I guess, what I said was wrong. BUT YOU WERE ALSO WRONG”

Pretty much neither of you want to take accountability (😭 sorry but I was thinking of my dad n his gf)

When he doesnt speak to you, you feel bad, n a lil depressed so you actually sit down infront of him and ranting about how stupid you were and how you were sorry

Either he doesn’t want to admit he forgives you it is just annoyed by your talking but he ends up telling you to stop ranting and pulls you in for a kiss.

Liu Kang

He didnt mean to hurt you. He really didnt.

He BEGS you to forgive him. I mean all on his knees.

Crying in your chest, bowing and kissing your feet, just about anything to get you to forgive him.

Please forgive him.

How do you apologize for hurting their feelings?

First of all..HOW DARE YOU HURT HIM????!!! Second, WHY WOULD YOU HURT HIM?!!??

He isnt one to hold a grudge or anything but he definitely will avoid speaking to you for a while thinking you need some space.

He wants to ask you what he did wrong but he doesnt want to anger you any more.

He eventually gets tired of it so he gets up to confronts you, only to find you standing at the door.

“Im..sorry” he’s so relieved, he picks you up and spins you. “Are you sure?” “Yes” my god he is happy.

Mileena

How does Mileena apologize for hurting your feelings?

She doesnt…not necessarily, she teases you.

“Aww, are you gonna cry?” Just mean

Doesnt understand apologies or WHY she has to apologize.

How do YOU apologize after hurting her feelings?

You BETTER apologize before she eats you.

Thats all :)

(Sorry this took a long time, I was having a hard time. Alot was going on in my life and had to take a break, I apologize for making you all wait)

[matan4il]

Thank you for your daily posts. And for keeping up the updates. I'm exhausted by the war and the hatred and the gaslighting and I appreciate you so much.

מקווה להיפגש על אמת יום אחד, בזמנים טובים יותר. יישר כוח. שולחת המון אהבה.

(I hope it's okay, because of my health, I've been falling behind on replying to asks, so I wanna respond to a bunch of lovely ones here...)

Awwww, hi lovely! :D It's so wonderful to get this message from you! Thank you SO MUCH! I appreciate you as well, and I am sending you the biggest of hugs!

I think we're all emotionally drained by what has been going on, not just Hamas' brutal massacre, or the war it forced us into and the pain and loss it is causing us continuously, or the terrorist attacks that keep on killing us and hurt even more after the massacre, or having to deal with the impossible choices Hamas has forced on us, but also the wave of hatred towards us that started on Oct 7, while our people were still being massacred.

It's even worse when we remember that this wave was enabled by antisemitic propaganda, which has been spread for so much longer, way before they could have used the current war as justification. But it really shows how Jews are treated worse doesn't it? All land back movements should be supported, but Jews returning to their native land is evil and racist, all violence and killing is bad, but killing Jews for living in their native land is "resistance," rape is bad and victims should always be listened to, but Jewish victims of rape are to be doubted and ignored if they're living in the Jewish ancestral land, colonialism is horrible and practically any act is justified in resisting it, but Arab colonialism can be easily ignored and even denied, at the same time as Jewish people being native to Israel will be erased, so that the anti-colonial narrative can be comfortably misapplied to Israel and justify the crimes perpetrated against Jews in and outside our homeland, genocide is the worst of crimes, making it incredibly serious, but when it can be used against Jews, suddenly every keyboard warrior is an expert on it and does not hesitate to falsely apply it to Israel in a manner that minimizes and disrespects actual genocides and their victims (including Jewish ones), intentionally targeting civilians is a war crime, but it's fine if Hamas declares its intent to kill every Jew in the world, most of whom are civilians, because *throws out another false slogan, but hey, it rhymes*...

אני גם מקוה להיפגש יום אחד, כך שאם את מתישהו בירושלים אנא אל תהססי ליצור איתי קשר, ואני שולחת מלא אהבה בחזרה!

Hey, I want to thank you for everything you've been doing. I'm not Jewish, but I have been trying to be as supportive as I currently can be, and I feel it helps me do that to actually know what's happening. I hope you haven't been being sent a bunch of horrible things because of the war, even though I know you probably have. Thank you again.

Thank YOU so much for this kindness, both your message and your support for Jewish people! I know it's probably the worst time to be an ally to Jews, which is why I appreciate each and every single one of you even more than I usually already do. I'll do my best to keep updating, and I also now have, in addition to my general Israel tag, a resources tag which I tried to fill with some of the more important subjects I've covered, and for which I provided links to reliable sources. I hope this is also something that's useful to you! As for hate, I've gotten a lot of it. But if those people think they're doing anything other than exposing themselves as cruel, and not caring about humaneness at all, and if they think I'm more scared of their nasty messages than I care about the well being of my own people, they obviously have no idea about who I am as a human being (which I guess is not surprising, if they don't really acknowledge me as one).

Thank you again, I'm sending you love and nothing but the best wishes, always!

next time Im at Yad Vashem Im gonna ask every staff member if they are you it would be an honor to meet you in person

That's so very kind, Nonnie! But I'm honestly nothing special. Yad Vashem itself is an incredibly powerful place to visit, anyone who would guide you through it will give you a prfound experience, I have no doubt of it. But if you ever are there, and you tell the guards you're looking for me (the head of security is actually one of my best friends, so I know he always keeps an eye on me and my whereabouts), it would be nice to say hi! :D

thank you for all your daily updates

No, Nonnie, thank YOU! I seriously appreciate the kindness of your message and encouragement!

From @blu-eyed-demon -

Thank you so much, my lovely Jace! This is so kind and sweet, and you have been an amazing, continued source of comfort. You have so much kindness at a time when that's so scarcely found, I just with you that will always be met and wrapped with just as much kindness in return, everywhere you turn! *sends so much love*

From @yelenasbuddie -

Hey.. I'm just passing by to give you 💐💐💐 so you can have a much more wonderful day. Even if we don't talk much, I'd like to say that you are loved and mattered. I believe in you and you got this 🩷🩷🩷

and also -

Hope you are loved 🩷🩷🩷🧡💜🥰

Sweet Yelena! Thank you so much for all of your messages, I can't tell you how much I treasure them. I'm sure you feel like you're caught up in the middle of a storm, and I know it's not easy remaining strong in the middle of that, but you have, and I hope you give yourself a lot of credit for that, I def do. I'm also hopeful that you always see the measure of your own kindness reflected back to you! Sending lots of hugs and kisses and all the cutesy emojis in the world, to make you feel loved! (sorry, as a Jew I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, but I hope you had a lovely one...)

Been following you since the Robron days. Proud to still be following you now 🦾

Nonnie, this is so lovely! I can't believe you're still here since then! I'm the one who's proud to have such a wonderful follower. IDK if we've ever talked, but I hope I always made you feel appreciated if we did, and welcome and enriched even if we didn't. Thank you for sticking it out with me through the best and worst of times, it means so much! Sending you love!

From @dominikadecember -

sending you lots and lots and lots of love

Thank you so much, my lovely Dom! I hope you know you've been a real help throughout all of this, and that I manage to show you how much I appreciate you. I'm sending you tons of love back!

here to put some jewish love and kindness in ur inbox 💗✡️🇮🇱

Thank you so much, Nonnie! This is so gorgeous, I love it, and I appreciate you for the beautiful human you are. I'm assuming you're Jewish as well, so I hope it's okay if I send Jewish love, pride in the way we're standing up to all this hatred, and kindness right back to you, and I hope you're doing well throughout all this!

hey just wanted to say i really appreciate you and your blog.

Thank you wholeheartedly, Nonnie! I really appreciate this kindness, and I hope you know that you put a smile on my face, and that you really help and make a difference! Sending hugs and hope you're well!

To the Nonnie who doesn't know or follow me, but still had a look at my blog instead of just blindly accpeting the notion that I'm a bad person, and then added -

You're not a terrible person. My sympathy and support. It's awful how tumblr is suddenly full of antisemitic sheep.

Thank you so very much! I seriously don't know how to express to you how much it means to me, to know that there are people out there, who don't automatically participate in judging and silencing others, when it has become the more popular thing to do. IDK if you'll see this, since you're not following me, but I hope you do, because to me, you're the person who refuses to do the antisemitic salute just because everyone else is, and knowing that people can still have that strength, integrity and kindness really matters to me, and to other Jews who watch with horror the ease with which we're being vilified and de-humanized. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for that, I seriously can't wish you enough good things...

Thank you to everyone who says, does, supports Jewish people, no matter how much you think it might be a small gesture. It all matters, you make the world a better place, and you give Jews hope! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

(tw for discussion of pedophilia / an adult dating a teenager)

id like to preface saying that the relationship im discussing in this story is long ended and my sister is now an adult herself, with the previous boyfriend being completely out of the picture now. this story isnt a current event, im more just trying to get a grip on whether or not i was justified at the time.

aita for trying to go to the police about my sister's relationship?

as i said, this happened a while back around when i was a preteen/young teenager. my older sister (14 at the time) met a friend of a friend (18m at the time), they started dating when she was 16 and he was 20, and i was the only one in my family who found it weird. which was odd considering her track record of dating older teen & adult men as a preteen/young teen. (i think her biggest problematic age gap was online dating an 18 yr old as a 12 yr old, i dont know if she was honest about her age or not) either way, it was undignified to me that my parents (aka her step mom and bio dad) and her parents (aka her bio mom and step dad) were both perfectly okay with it, and my sister insisted she was old enough to make her own decisions. i argued with her plenty about it, to which i forged a plan in my 13 year old brain to gather information about this relationship and tell the police. i pretty much acted buddy buddy enough to where she would tell me everything about their sexual activity together. id rather not disclose all the details, but if it eases anyone's mind, they specifically never went "all the way". i will say that according to my sister, her boyfriend masturbated to a picture of her when she was 14 which is still so gross to me. i discreetly wrote down everything she said as she was telling me and planned to take it to the authorities. however, before i actually did, i had gotten into another argument with my sister about the relationship and we were so loud my mom came in the room to break it up and talk to me. my mom found the paper i wrote everything on and she threw it away, saying i would "ruin his life" with this information when hes so young. out of spite at this point, i ran out of the house and walked all the way to the police department in the middle of the night. they brought me in but i pretty much was emotionally exhausted and worn out and decided i just wanted to go home so i said nothing about the situation. the cops called my parents and my mom came to pick me up. knowing why i was there, my mom asked the cops if a 16 yr old dating a 20 was illegal, to which they said no. (although this could be because of state specific laws rather than u.s. federal laws, im not sure either way) i tried to tell them everything i knew but they weren't having it and thats where it ends. ever since then ive been so confused on what to believe because the age gap and sexual activity still doesnt sit right with me at all. and i still dont even know the full story of their relationship, they couldve been dating privately before she turned 16. either way my family treated me like i was overreacting big time and my sister was angry at me for not being supportive of her. after a while i hesitantly assumed i was in the wrong because everyone else seemed to think so, but thinking over this drama again makes me think i mightve not been. so, was i the asshole? was it really not a big deal that i was overreacting about?

What are these acronyms?