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inkdemonapologist · 4 years

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Some of my doodles for Session Six of our Call of Cthulhu game!! We finally got back up with that potion-maker from Last Loop and tried to explain EVERYTHING to her, since she’s the one who seemed the most ready to believe us last time (Also, we saw her voluntarily possessed by a spirit at one point, so it seemed like it would be a good starting point to explain some of our problems).

This went.... chaotically, as there are 0 tells for who’s talking and everyone was very insistent on contributing to the conversation. The alive versions of Sammy and Joey mostly stayed out of this mess.

ALSO!! WE’VE PICKED UP SOME NEW INSANITIES! Henry has a mania that compels him to draw/document everything he learns (in case we lose memories or loop again), Sammy still has the mask thing, Joey’s picked up an obsession with symmetry after witnessing his body horrifically transformed by a corruption across half of it, and Sammy, after seeing the Star Pool lurker’s indescribably horrible non-ink-demon form, is filled with a terrified respect for it and has become strangely deferential. I DID NOT EXPECT SAMMY’S SANITY DROPS TO LINE UP SO PERFECTLY FOR CANON PROBLEMS,

Anyway, have some more out-of-context quotes!! Some of these are just conversation because imagining people trying to hold a conversation with three different voices coming out of “Henry” is my favourite thing now.

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Sammy] *summarising* (So we're gonna run by Josephine and see if she has anything that maybe we should know, uh, based on our current predicament, which has gotten even more complicated than the previous time we talked to her, which hasn't happened yet!)

[Alive!Sammy] Is something wrong? [Henry] No! No, everything's fine. Let's go. [Alive!Joey] ...I don't think anything's been RIGHT for a while...

[Sammy] (Are we, as a, uh, unit -- do we have the mask on?)

[Ghost!Joey] There's... three of us in here? [Ghost!Sammy] Sure, that's a normal thing to say!

[GM] Josephine looks like she is trying to figure out what to say, but she is having... trouble. [Ghost!Joey] Have you ever had someone... hang out with you... during the festival? Like, kind of, possession? [GM] She raises an eyebrow, but nods, and says "Yes, that's part of my duty, as a leader of this religion." [Ghost!Sammy] Fantastic. That seems to be happening to us. [Ghost!Joey] We're not, exactly sure how we managed to get... in the past again... but we're -- *points with Henry's non-sketching hand over at the live ones* [Joey] Live!Joey just confusedly shrugs and sips his coffee. [GM] "...Uh, go back a minute."

[GM] "And you don't know how this happened?" [ghost!Joey] Not exactly? I -- [Henry] Sammy fell into a Star Pool, and Joey got killed, or, was a host for the cultists. [ghost!Joey] I don't know if I got killed, but, [Henry] Well, you looked goopy. [ghost!Sammy] I don't know what was going on with me, either; I still seemed to be running around. [Henry] Also very goopy.

[ghost!Joey] So, that's a confusing answer! Um. Let's pretend *points at alive!Joey* that he didn't listen to you, and he went up to the Star Pools anyway, without the potion, and then something happened up there that resulted in whatever is happening to us now, which included us losing our memories and waking up later as the same... entity, but we didn't know for a while, and.... uh... it looks like the last time we saw our bodies that weren't alive and human still, they looked... corrupted by the Star Pools. [ghost!Joey] Do you know what might've happened to cause all that? [GM] "...I think there's a lot to unpack there," she says.

[GM] And, indeed, one of them has turned up a pair of gloves! It's somewhat worn, but they don't have holes or anything. Though they might not match your ensemble. [Joey] As long as they match each other, that's fine! [GM] They do that. [Sammy] (I mean, Henry has-- not to rag on Henry's fashion sense, as a man who's worn nothing but the same shirt and suspenders for twenty years, but Henry doesn't have much of an ensemble going on, really.)

[chatting while Joey's player steps away for a moment] [Sammy] Sorry for making you guys deal with Alive!Sammy; Ghost!Sammy genuinely doesn't know how to argue for this. [Sammy] It's like, yeah I dunno! Sounds like a raw deal! [Henry] Henry also doesn't know how to argue for this, it's like, Hey! Do you want a whole bunch of awful, horrible, terrible memories? ....No? Oh. [Sammy] CANT IMAGINE WHY!! [Sammy] Like, please? I'd like my body back? ...it's your body, we'd be sharing it-- but not like this situation, uh, [Henry] Just please, take... I have... take Sammy back. [Sammy] Could you take this off of my hands, I'm really tired of dealing with it, [Henry] I love 'im. But I need a break. Please come take your lost.... self. [GM] Your wayward self. [Henry] Who's this sassy lost child. [Joey] *re-entering chat* Ah, we're talking about Sammy. [Sammy] OH MY GOSH.

[Henry] I ROLLED A ONE HUNDRED! [Sammy] Henry is VERY tired and distracted. [GM] Henry's sketching again. He was left unattended for a bit and he's sketching again. [Henry] Yup, [Sammy] *sputters* HE CAN'T BE LEFT UNATTENDED, WE'RE BOTH HERE [Joey] HE LITERALLY CAN'T!! [Sammy] THAT'S THE WHOLE PROBLEM!! SAMMY WOULD LOVE TO LEAVE HENRY UNATTENDED!!!

[Sammy] Is the voice familiar? [Joey] Is it the Lurker's? [GM] A bit...? [Henry] A bit familiar or a bit like the Lurker's? [GM] ...Yes.

[ghost!Sammy] Joey, what do you think it was? [ghost!Joey] I think it has something to do with our situation, and perhaps the fact that-- [ghost!Sammy] "OUR SITUATION" doesn't really clear anything up, that could be a LOT of things right now!

[Sammy] Sammy doesn't want to be back in the actual time we belong in! He's dead in that one!

[Sammy] I guess it's also Alive!Sammy's turn. I don't, uh, [Sammy] ...there's too many Sammys, [Joey] (Alive!Sammy just goes WHAT THE FUCK) [Sammy] Yeah, I don't think he's prepared, when he turns the corner, to find cultists with swords, and Henry immediately drawing a gun and screaming at them; I don't think he's prepared for any of this, or has a game plan for what to do in case this happens, other than just, yelling, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” [GM] at Henry, or the cultists? [Sammy] ....BOTH????

[Joey] Does Joey know of any way to interrupt magic? [GM] Injuring someone is a good, classic way to do that.

[GM] So, you can do an attack, whether it's with the gun or with your fists! [Sammy] *flipping through character sheet* I mean, I feel like I'm probably not just shooting him, I-- wHEN DID YOU ADD "DUSTPAN" TO MY WEAPONS???

[Sammy] The idea of Joey just continuously accidentally killing people is REALLY funny to me.

[Sammy] This is going MUCH better than the last time that we fought anybody! [Joey] Apparently Joey just needs to be really angry, and then my dice are like, “yeah, you can kill people.”

[GM] *flipping through the rules* Here we go, "Disrupted spellcasting, for example, if they are shot!" Well, okay then-- [GM] ......ohhh. [Sammy] Uh, [Henry] "Oh?" [GM] HM! ........ let me get a d8. [Henry] Concern...???? [Sammy] It's probably fine. It's... it's probably fine. [GM] ........ [GM] Uh..... huh. Well. That's an 8. [Sammy] On the d8. [GM] Yyyeah,..... you disrupted his, casting,,, it's not a serious spell so most of this stuff is not extreme, but I rolled an 8, and that says, [GM] "A mythos monster is accidentally summoned." [Sammy] WHAT?? [Henry] WHAT??? [Sammy] WHAT???? [Joey] *dying of laughter in the background* [Sammy] I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS AN OPTION??? OKAY!!! [GM] I didn't think it was, at this level of spell!! [Sammy] Remember when I said that this was going well? I NEED TO STOP SAYING THINGS.

[Joey] How is Sammy putting on the mask? [Sammy] With his.... hands...? [Joey] No, like, how is it laying on his head, [Sammy] OH.

[Joey] Ghost!Joey would like to turn it so it's like, in the middle of his head. But like, on forehead, so that they can still see. [Henry] (A fancy visor!) [Sammy] (...you can still see if it’s on the side...) [Joey] (Joey would really like it if we, put it in the middle.) [Sammy] (...I FORGOT YOU HAVE A SYMMETRY THING)

[GM] You felt, when Sammy and the cult leader were both giving the Lurker commands, that there was a kind of tug-of-war going on there, and it seems like the cult leader won that round. [Henry] Wait, we can give the Lurker commands? [Joey] We're allies. [Sammy] Yeah, we're the host. [Henry] Oh, um, [Sammy] Sammy asked it for help! It didn't, uh... this is how things always go for Sammy, so, I feel like this is correct.

[Sammy] (...Henry pulls out a gun, someone tries to grab him and he just bashes that person over the head, Joey tries to help by shooting this cult leader to stop him from casting a spell, and this horrible weird bendy monster is unleashed, Henry IMMEDIATELY kneels to this creature, and it starts listening to him, and he grabs the amulet and starts directing it to murder people after pulling the mask down over his face, so, yeah!! I can see that being pRETTY UNSETTLING actually!!)

[Joey] And I've already accidentally summoned a demon, somehow! [GM] This is just how Joey rolls, he just aCCIDENTALLY SUMMONS DEMONS, apparently! Even when OTHER PEOPLE are casting spells, Joey finds a way to accidentally summon a demon!

[Sammy] We do need those; those ARE our bodies running away,

[Lurker, when asked if he can shapeshift] It depends on the host! I didn't do this. It's pretty awesome, though! I feel like this is actually something that was designed to be this way, for the first time I can remember! Deliberate, you know what I mean? [Henry] “Yeah!” Henry says, not knowing what he means.

[Sammy] We're very focused on getting out of here. [Henry] We're channeling Wally Franks! [Sammy] NO! Don't channel Wally Franks! He didn't get outta there he just YELLED ABOUT IT, which is what WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW!! LET'S ACTUALLY GET OUTTA HERE!

[GM] You guys go around a corner that at least obscures you from immediate sight, though it's good the Lurker is as, uh...... [GM] ........ [GM] ........ [GM] ...uh, for lack of a better word, bendy as he is, [players explode with laughter] [GM] I TRIED, I couldn't think of anything else! [Sammy] NO I SAW THE GEARS TURNING IN YOUR HEAD

[GM] You have a small Bendy. [GM] He's blinking. [Henry] Henry is.... is having, a moment,

[Sammy] We're honoured you're joining us, but we really should get moving?

[Henry] Just let him ride on his shoulders like a kid, that'd be adorable! [Henry] Henry's having SO many emotions right now. He wants to be respectful, but also, oh my god, that's so cute?? and also my OC???? Oh my god??????

[GM] I don't think the Lurker is familiar with the concept of piggyback rides. I mean if he's asked I'm sure he's down for whatever, but, [Henry] Henry's gonna ask the Lurker if he wants to climb on his shoulders and ride. [GM] The Lurker thinks this is a FANTASTIC idea, because nobody has ever carried the Lurker around before!

[Alive!Sammy] Sammy's very pale. [Alive!Joey] You have a... Bendy now, Henry...? [Henry] Uh, kinda! This is the Lurker. [Alive!Joey] “The Lurker”? [Henry] The giant monster? He's... small now, so he's not a giant monster.

[Alive!Sammy] Henry WHAT is going on? Or, whoever you are right now, [Henry] It is me; look, I've been letting the others talk because I have no idea what's going on. I don't know... I just want to get everyone out of here alive. [GM] (What a Henry thing to say) [Alive!Sammy] *snarking* Well, we're alive SO far! Maybe don't run at people with swords, in the future? Might help with that. [Henry] That was Sammy. That wasn't me. [Joey] (*laughing* "By the way, that thing you were lecturing me about? That wasn't me, THAT WAS YOU!")

[GM] The Lurker settles down when it is clear that the hug is not a threat.

[Henry] (I AM LOSING IT! I hope you know what you've done to me!) [GM] (I was not expecting this either but here we are!!) [Henry] (Maybe it was my idea. I can't believe I've done this.)

[Joey] Alive!Joey at some point shows Bendy how to hold the pencil. [GM] He says "Oh, hey, neat!" and has an easier time. [Henry] Oh my god, cute? [Sammy] (*losing it in the background*) [Joey] I was just thinking that if he's sitting next to Henry, and he watches the Lurker fumble with the pencil enough, he's going to just, reach up and-- [Sammy] (I LOST NINE SANITY TO THIS ASSHOLE!!!) [Henry] (But he's so cute!) [Joey] (Well now he's cute, maybe you get some sanity back!) [Henry] (Like petting a cat! You get sanity back from petting the Bendy.) [Sammy] (Yes, he is adorable, I will serve him faithfully.)

[GM] Make a navigate check. [Joey] *rolls terribly* Joey doesn't know where the fuck we're going. [Henry] I missed the navigate check too. [Sammy] Ohhhh boy, we better not get lost... [Joey] Sammy, do you remember where we're going? [Sammy] Oh, don't ask Sammy. Don't ask either Sammy. [Sammy] Alive!Sammy will eventually ask "You DO know where we're going, right?" [GM] You guys..... uh, get lost! Well, let me check one thing. [GM] *rolls* [GM] ... THE LURKER, APPARENTLY, CAN GET YOU BACK TO WHERE HE APPEARED,

[GM] What a useful pocket demon. [Henry] I love our pocket demon. [Joey] I love our son... [Sammy] Joey, [Joey] Firstborn... [Henry] Adopted from a cult! [Joey] We went to Haiti and adopted a son. [Sammy] Sammy's role as third wheel here is getting weirder and weirder.

[Sammy] I can't believe Binoculars is a Bendy fan.

[Joey] (Meanwhile, Ghost!Joey remembers something? There is an inscription on the floor between the laundry room, and Josephine's room, that does not allow the passage of evil spirits. I... don't think the Lurker is going to make it past that.) [Henry] (Ohhhhhhhhh) [Sammy] (Hmm. Also... BRINGING THE LURKER in to see Josephine feels, hostile???) [Henry] (OH... I didn't think about that; he's just my kid now!)

[Joey] (I have literally no idea for Joey.) [Sammy] (Gosh, what a thing to ask... I just have to appreciate, what a thing to ask a Type Three -- "Okay, what's YOU?") [Joey] (Joey looks down at the mask, feeling all of his inner masks,,,) [Sammy] ("I'M COMPOSED OF THINGS THAT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE THINK IM SUCCESSFUL,,,")

[Ghost!Sammy] After you. [Ghost!Joey] Actually, I would feel more comfortable if you went first, [Ghost!Sammy] ...Fine. Fantastic. [Joey] (This is-- I don't know if Sammy can feel it, but this is definitely out of, still thinking about the slight guilt that ran through him when Sammy was blaming EVERYTHING on him, and telling him to keep them out of this,) [Sammy] (I mean, Sammy just thinks this is risky and wanted Joey to be the guinea pig, so, that's nice that you were thinking of him!)

[Sammy] A quick kiss won't be enough time for Sammy to like, stop bluescreening in time to react to this? So, um, uh, he- he just, uh, needs, uh, a- a minute, but he, will be, blushing furiously. I think that's the only reaction! [Joey] Perfect~ [GM] The spirit lady probably flashes him a thumbs up. [Joey] *laughing* Sammy DIES. We did all of this to get him alive again, and he just DIES. [Sammy] SLAIN INSTANTLY.

#call of cthulu: haunted hijinx #when in doubt just keep drawing #sammy lawrence #joey drew #Henry Stein #I get way too much of a kick out of non-henry Henrys #i wanna draw so many of these convos but like ITS ALL JUST ONE GUY #TALKING TO HIMSELF

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lanseax · 4 years

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okay so give me your opinion on all the girls, who is your fave what are your thoughts

HELL YES, thank you for giving me permission to spill my soul (obviously gonna contain spoilers)

dot: Love her, her story breaks my heart, her story hit me really hard on the aspect of doing things for yourself, being your own support system because your parents are sick or not around, and that made me instantly feel for her. i also loved how she was written, she wasn’t volatile, she didn’t explode because thats not who she was, she was tired of living through hell day after day and finally gwtting this one chance to go to hawaii and do something fun and it fucked her over. her scene of giving the lighter to rachel made so much sense like she has done EVERYTHING she can and the world keeps shitting on her. (would have liked to see a bit more of her and shelby)

fatin: so when i saw the trailer i was instantly like “who dis” and wow did they fucking serve up a god damn six course meal with her. she just wants to be a kid, she wants to have fun and party and get a B on a test without thinking how her parents are going to react. she’s every student who was told they were gifted and then their parents hounded them to keep up with their gift even if they didn’t want to. i did want to strangle her dad tho like he turned it on his daughter instead of taking responsibility fuck that. her and leah’s relationship was something i wasn’t expecting but really fell in love with. her being an anchor while leah was suffering from so much. (looking forward to more of her mom-ing the group)

leah: i’ll be honest i thought she was a whiny bitch at first, i didnt like her, her story was meh, a usual girl falls in love with boy, boy breaks her heart, girl cant cope. i wasn’t super interested in her until that turning point with fatin going missing and the deep realization that her heart is gonna be broken but she cant let that be a block for the rest of her life. she’s gonna need more help to get through it but she’s taking baby steps and we love to see that. (more of her and fatin please!!)

martha: IF ANYONE TOUCHES HER ILL FUCKING KILL THEM, i’m very worried because like she wasn’t in the “present” timeline (im assuming the interviews are present) and they were talking about her parents possibly suing. please dont hurt my baby. Her entire arc was baffling, i said it in the tags of one post that the comparison of sexual assault to hunter vs prey was a beautiful comparison i just think the ending was a bit too much. but i could write an essay on that alone. her and shelby being friends was so heart warming like they were making plans to hang out omg. PLEASE DONT HURT MY BABY. (im serious please dont hurt her)

nora: DIDNT TRUST HER FROM THE START, it was her initial line when leah asked if anyone remembered how they got there that pulled me in. she was conscious for the whole thing, no one remembered going to shore they just were there but suddenly nora was conscious and she pulled rachel to the shore??? mmmm dont buy it. her story with rachel was so deep and compelling that i was expecting more of that not her falling for a guy and the breakup. that shit made her betrayal hit different it didnt make me pissed at her it made me sad for her, gretchen completely manipulated nora’s grief into a tool to get her to agree to this. that shit hurted.

rachel: man that entire story of an athelete peaking was so well done, because its not a story often told with athletes its usually they broke something and it made them no longer able to compete or something or they get a big comeback but rarely is it, “hey you’ve done the best you can”. and i’ve seen what that can do to people, young girls especially. it hurts and its painful and you would do everything to hold onto that. it made me wanna wrap rachel in a warm hug and give her a cookie. (would like to see her get more friendly with the others, am very interested in finding out if in “present” time she knows nora was in on it and if she’ll choose her sister vs her friends)

shelby: i was honestly expecting a more violently homophobic back story. her story floored me though, im so upset at how she lashed out at becca but i know it must eat at her every day, how could it not? i really do hope she becomes more confident in who she is and who she wants to be with, i really dont wanna see her regress but i know it might happen. i know for a fact if i was in the situation and someone was as optimistic as she was i would knock em out so props to the other girls (THE SCENE where she keeps asking to “see her” i was so hoping she meant toni and they were gonna get this reunion kiss but when she said leah that made it even more intriguing)

toni: i cannot state how much i love toni and how much i related to her in the sense of just wanting to yell and scream and break shit when you’re angry, i’ve gotten to a much better place but man i knew that energy so well once upon a time. her story with regan kinda fucked me up, that type of heartbreak hurts. but seeing that and then seeing toni be so calm with shelby because they’re already in such a shit scenario and toni knows shelby has to go at her own pace FUCK THAT MADE MY HEART MELT (i need the entire piss throwing story because like... how? just how?)

my favs are toni, shelby, fatin and martha. i love all of the girls but they’re the ones im deeply invested in. i noticed a bit ago that this is shockingly one of the only shows where i love every single character. like all of them are so interesting snd complex and that just speaks to the team behind the show, like fucking kudos to them they deserve some awards.

#nox answers #anon #ASK ME MORE BOUT THE WILDS PLS #tv: the wilds #tv #the wilds spoilers

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philtstone · 4 years

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Fanfic ask: 2, 14, 18? :)

2. What’s next on your ‘to-read’ list? (Fan fiction or otherwise)

no fanfic bc i cant “to read” fic i either impulsively open a 20 chapter in the moment or i dont log onto ao3 at all anyway books on my to-read list:

When the Light of the World Was Subdued, Our Songs Came Through

Plato’s Republic (i started it last summer bc a friend of mine was giving away his books and it slapped but alas ... the elusive thing called Time To Read Books ...)

The Thing Around Your Neck by chimamanda ngozi adichie

14. (For authors) Post a line of dialogue from one of your WIPs without context.

im going to cheat and post two lines! one from an original work and one from a fic, bc i love them both

“A mythical poetic hero of Sufi mysticism,” says Asheri, voice strained with the effort, “and you’re concerned about his skills in the bedroom.”

and

“My doctoral dissertation, ye ken,” he is explaining to her, something pleading wrapped within the sincere but resigned solemnity of an army general in a historical drama one sees at the cinema, who must perhaps sacrifice himself for the good of Rome.

18. Do you have a fic reading/writing routine?

LMAO. i believe @birdhapley just recently expressed surprise that i unsolicitedly declared i was writing something for her and then within half a day declared it finished. my process is. that i dont really have a process. i am either struck with a fully formed (or almost entirely formed) idea in full technicolour, which i must then proceed to get down into text as fast as humanly possibly lest i lose momentum, or, an idea percolates inside my head for literal months without being written until i am struck by one of those glitch moments where i am compelled to sit down and write out all my feelings, and the likelihood that it comes out perfectly or turns into a tangled mess that is far too complicated is like. pretty much fifty-fifty. i end up having to repeatedly stop and check with another person re: the coherency of the writing (shoutout to my homies u know who u are and i love you). ive come to slowly make my peace with both sorts. and also am here to tell you to never get into this habit as it has absolutely no rhyme or reason and can be a bit problematic re: managing the impulse to be creative

#my writing #ask meme

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yeoldontknow · 4 years

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🖊️writers tag game🖊️

tagged by *deep breath* @ditzymax @red-exo @kyungseokie @j-pping @blackberrykai and...someone else im pretty sure for this sweet little tag game. thank you so much angels!

1. what is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

this confused me for a moment...because shouldn’t it be where? im so sorry. ok honestly...my ideal setting is in my bathroom in the tub with no water. this is ideal but i rarely do it. primarily this is because i do my best thinking by water - lakes, oceans, nature - which has resulted in tubs and sinks. i once wrote a midterm paper in my dorm bathroom in the nook under the tall sink. but because its uncomfortable and impractical, and i am not pressured to finish a paper under a time crunch, im kind of...all over the place? sometimes i write in bed with a few candles lit. other times im on the couch in my living room. i have a desk and i did all of chanvember last year at this desk, but since ive been working from home the writing space has become the work space and im still struggling to get the balance right. in all scenarios, i need a good snack (usually hummus + chips/veggies), water, and music playing is an absolute must. if the music is wrong, i simply cant write. thats how its always been.

2. what is your favorite genre to write?

angst, horror, mafia, historical, science fiction. i love love love writing these genres. romance falls thematically into these, but writing strictly a romantic drama is incredibly difficult for me.

3. do you prefer to write on paper, or digitally?

these days im all digital but when i was working in the office i was a mix of both. id scribble ideas on a piece of paper and rip it out to take it home; if i was on the train, id write ideas quickly into my notes app. several paragraphs of hero, replay, currents, and bloodletting exist on paper which i eventually transcribed into docs. but if im sitting down to write a fic, its generally digital.

4. it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. what do you do?

i have to flesh out the idea before i transcribe it. it depends on its its a plot idea or a line. if its a line that hits me or feels important, it immediately goes into the planning doc for whatever fic it relates to or suits best. i will then think about this line over and over until it becomes nonsensical an, hopefully though it is highly unlikely, fall back asleep and dream up something inspired by this line.

if its a story idea, i generally dont forget those so i dont need to immediately write them. those kinds of ideas arise out of dreams (assuming it woke me up, in this scenario) and i rarely forget what i dream. in that situation, i will not be able to fall back asleep. anyone who knows me knows that i struggle getting sleep. at best i will average 3-4 hours a night, simply because im thinking too much. so if this woke me up, ill spend the rest of the night thinking about how i want it to go, who it will suit, making a playlist or thinking about songs, gathering inspiration from my fiction fodder blogs, and only when the sun comes up will i consider perhaps its time for sleep. once i officially begin the day, ill review the vague planning doc ill likely have formed in my brain and actually compile it into a tangible document.

5. who is your favorite person to write about?

i mean....hello lmaooo park chanyeol. hes my muse. i do all my best writing for him, even if its unintentional. in other groups, i adore writing for taehyung and namjoon. their minds compel me. ive recently been thinking about writing some pieces for got7 and i do have an unfinished WIP for @red-exo and in all instances writing for JB excites me.

6. do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

i mean...its RPS fic on this blog, so its real people but its a face claim. theyre kind of like my barbie dolls i insert into worlds in my head. so in a sense...theyre my own characters but they happen to look like idols lmao conversely, writing original characters (as in wyrm tamer, asas, theoretically TQIS) scares me. ive written rps fanfic for so long its as though ive lost confidence in writing my own characters. this is why many of my stories have started to see the introduction of other characters to practice it.

7. have you ever written a book, or a story with more than 15 chapters (or 100k words)?

ok the answer is yes but its not published. its 30 chapters, 200k words. it was originally a fanfic and ive toyed with editing it over the years in the advent that maybe one day i would publish it if i liked it enough.

fun fact: hero is about 15K away from 100K words. i will be celebrating when it gets there.

8. how often do you get ideas?

like...constantly. all the time. every time i hear music, or watch a film, or read something in a book, my mind commences the ‘would you like to go to another dimension’ quest and i always, without fail, hit the yes button.

9. do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?

*glances sidelong at my masterlist and my 17 unpublished wips* you must be new here

10. what is your least favorite plot?

like...genre? as i said before, idol!verse is something i refrain from reading. i struggle profoundly writing fluff/romantic fluff which is why i try to practice it. plots, in general, in which someone has to go through a makeover of some kind (appearance wise) to suddenly be categorically enough (this isnt just fic...its how i feel in any media). rape/dub-con is a hard pass. otherwise, im down for pretty much anything.

11. tag 5 or more people

@dark-muse-iris @yehet-me-up @jiminiethot @iq-biased @yoonia @jamaisjoons @jenmyeons @fairyyeols @readyplayerhobi @johobi @yixingminseokjongdae @imdifferentshadesofpurple yall i think everyone and their brother has done this tag. if ive tagged you and youve already done it im real sorry :( as always please only do this if you wish

#about me #writers tag game #its absolutely comical how far behind on little tags i am #heavens to betsy

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bel0vedmendes · 6 years

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What Keeps You Up

Shawn X Reader

Warnings: Kinda spicy at some points (nothing crazy) Super Fluffy. Language.

Description: Written from Shawn & Y/N’s perspective. Inspired by the song What Keeps You Up at Night by Dan + Shay. Shawn and Y/N meet briefly at a party, and from that point forward their drawn to each other. Constantly wondering if its too good to be true, can they make it work?

A/N: I wrote this awhile ago on my previous account, originally I had it separated into 5 parts, I decided to merge them and give it a different ending. I love this, but I've lost all motivation for this story so I made it into one long imagine. Enjoy!

NOT MY GIF

SHAWNS POV

Whenever I came home I tried my hardest to be as normal as possible. I tried to say yes to as many invites as I could. So when I found myself at this random party with a few of my friends, I could only really be mad at myself. I really just wanted to go home. There were a lot of girl trying to get my attention, which normally I would love if I was in the mood. They were all trying to talk to me and I really only came to the party to hang out with my friends, but again, my fault.

I saw her sitting in the corner of the room, her friends were including her in a conversation that she was definitely not interested in. She was really pretty, but she wasn’t trying. I immediately noticed her sweatshirt, It had the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital Logo screen printed on the front. She wore it with ripped skinny jeans and converse. Her face matched mine, she looked like she was regretting her decision to come too. I thought about going and talking to her, but I didn’t really know what to say. Before I could come up with anything I was cornered by a group of girls. I started to talk to them, but they were so ordinary. They all wanted pictures, so I obliged. Then they would try saying things to impress me. which really just annoyed me more. I found myself nodding and half listening to what they were saying and half trying to figure out how the hell to get out of it.

As I was plotting my escape, I felt a soft tug at my hoodie. I turned around, and it was the girl with the Greys sweatshirt.

“Hey, can I borrow you for a second?” She pushes herself in front of the group of girls, she turns to them scrunching her face as she apologizes. “Sorry girls, I really need to talk to him about something important.”

They looked super confused, but they all backed away. I just went with it, “Sorry, guys.” I said as I followed the mystery girl.

She walked out the front door and kept walking, and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to follow her.

She finally stopped and turned around when she reached the street. She smiled at me and then looked behind me, and nodded. Silently telling me no one had followed.

“What… uh… what did you need to tell me?” I scrunched my eyebrows together and pushed my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie.

“Oh…nothing.” She giggled “You just really looked like you needed a breather, and your buddies were not about to leave that beer pong table.” She rambles “ I was on my way out so I thought I could help.” She nodded smiling at me.

I smiled back.

“Uhm, Im Shawn.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“I… know that.” She tilted her head, I assume it was her way of calling me an idiot without have to really say it.

“I’m Y/N” she walked towards me and went to shake my hand.

I took it and I think I held onto it a little longer than I should have.

“Well Shawn, it was lovely to meet you, but I have a hot date with my bed.” She giggled as she started to dig for her car keys in her purse. She started to blush, she didn’t seem nervous but maybe she was struggling with what to say too.

“Hmm, you sure you don’t want to stay and talk for a little bit?” I muttered, I wish it sounded as confident as it did in my head.

She smiled and then audibly sighed. I shifted awkwardly, that wasn’t a great sign.

“I do… but, I cant tonight.” She stuttered, she looked like she really did want to.

“Sure, you’ve got that hot date with your bed, I understand.” I smiled at her, not wanting her to feel bad. She laughed, a real belly laugh and it was one of the best things I had heard in awhile. I really liked hearing her laugh.

“I actually have to be at work in…” She paused to look at the time on her phone, her eyes widening as she realized what time it was. “6 hours.” Her face shriveled in disgust.

“Okay well at least let me walk you to your car?” I asked and she nodded as we started to walk down the street.

“What am I going to do about those girls though? My hero is leaving me.”

“You’re a big boy Shawn,” She laughs “But just in case…” She held out her hand my phone, I unlocked it and handed it to her.

I watched her put her name and number in my phone...

She handed it back to me.

“If it gets to crazy, and your boys fail once again. I’m really good at fake phone calls too.” She winked at be before opening the door to her car.

“I owe you.” I nodded to her.

“Yeah… you do.” She smirked at me before closing the door to her car and driving away.

I stood there for awhile just thinking about the last five minutes. I wanted to text her right then and there, but I knew that would look desperate. After that I decided to say goodbye to my friends and head home myself. I was definitely going to text her tomorrow, I needed a plan.

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(Y/N) POV

As I drove away from the party, I watched Shawn in my rear view mirror as I drove away. Quickly glancing at my phone in the passengers seat to see if he was the type of guy to text me right away. No text. I figured that’s how it would be.

As I drove, I started to get nervous. What if I fucked up? What if I had one opportunity to make an impression on Shawn and that was it?

I sighed rethinking everything I had said to him. Feeling my cheeks heat up at the fact that I told him I had a date with my bed. Why the fuck did I say that. That’s the lamest shit I’ve ever said in my entire life. He thought it was funny though, right? Im pretty sure he knew I was joking. God I hope he knew I was joking.

I pulled into my apartment complex, parking in the spot that was meant for me. I got out of my car and started to head up to the third floor. Still unable to stop thinking about our interaction.

I felt like I had left him wanting more. I scoffed out loud at the thought. Me… leaving Shawn Mendes wanting more. I played it cool the entire time I was talking to him, when in reality I was overthinking everything I said. The more I thought about the situation the more I realized, that my intention truly was to rescue him from the awkward situation those girls put him in.

I mean, sure, He’s an international rock star and I’m sure he loves the attention most of the time. Tonight, however, It seemed that he really just wanted to be Shawn, not rock star Shawn, and I wanted to give that to him.

As I got into my pajamas and got into bed, I plugged my phone in to charge.

I continue to over analyze everything I said to him, until I heard my phone’s message alert ring from my night stand.

UNKNOWN: Hey, Hero.

I sat up quickly staring at my screen, smiling from ear to ear.

My fingers ghosting the screen debating on texting back, or waiting until the morning. As I debate three periods pop up dancing on the screen, telling me that he had more to say.

UNKNOWN: I’m sure you’re sleeping… but I just wanted to say thank you.

UNKNOWN: I really do owe you. I’d love to take you out.

UNKNOWN: text me tomorrow. xx

My heart was beating so hard, I could hear it. I read the messaged once more, to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I set my phone back onto the nightstand, turning on my side.

I was going to go out with Shawn. I couldn’t believe this.

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Y/N POV

I woke up at the unholy hour of 6 am. Reading through the text messages over and over again.

So many different images played out in my head. Where we would go on our first date. If he would kiss me. Would I kiss him? I put all the thoughts aside and decided that I would text him when I left work at noon. I got up and got dressed for work and headed on my way.

Work dragged on. I tried my hardest not to think about him, and what I wanted to say, but it was nearly impossible. I finally left work at 12 on the dot and started to drive home.

I sat down at my kitchen table with my phone in front of me. Typing out a response then quickly deleting it because it wasn’t right. Finally deciding on 3 simple words.

I’d like that.

I sent it. I felt like it should be simple. I watched my phone for a few minutes. Then I decided to take a shower, which turned into me standing under the scolding hot water, wondering if he had responded yet. Once I got out I made a bee line to my phone praying to see a message from him.

UNKNOWN: So, what do you have going on tonight?

I squealed, holy fucking shit, this was not happening. I started to type a response and as I did, he started to say something else.

UNKNOWN: There’s another party tonight, maybe I could pick you up and we could go together?

I sighed, not like I didn’t want to go with him to a party, I just hoped it would be him and I.

Sure, that sounds good. What time should I be ready?

UNKNOWN: 8pm?

I wanted to say.. how about now? I internally groaned thinking about waiting until 8 pm to see him. How anxious I would be the entire day.

Sounds good! :)

I pressed send, wondering if we would keep texting or if he would just wait until tonight. I wondered if he was just as eager as me, or if this was a normal thing for him.

I decided to change his name in my phone, and that was a surreal feeling.

SHAWN: Can’t wait to see you. xx

I sent my phone down, smiling so hard my cheeks started to hurt. I wanted to call all of my friends and tell them what was happening. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops!

I didn’t though. Not until I knew for sure what was going on between us.

I decided to take a nap until I had to get up and get ready to leave.

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Shawn's POV

I was up around 7 am, walking around my condo aimlessly. I had hoped she would have responded already, but I figured she would wait until a little later.

I went to the gym, played around with my guitar for a few hours, and went to lunch with Brian.

I know she said she had work, but I was really starting to worry that she wasn’t into it. She seemed like she might be last night, but she also really seemed to just be a nice person. Maybe she was just being nice and I was the one being super forward.

Just as I got back home from lunch, my phone went off.

Y/N(your hero): I’d like that.

Oh fuck, okay. So what do I ask her to do, and how soon is too soon. Brian told be about another party tonight, maybe I could take her there so she wouldn’t feel awkward. Or would that make things more awkward?

I decided to ask her to be my date to the party, and she agreed. I relaxed a little because it seemed that she really didn’t care what we did. I told her I would pick her up at 8, and immediately wished I had said an earlier time. I was so anxious to talk to her, to get to know everything about her.

I thought about texting her until I picked her up, but I really wanted to get to know her in person first. I felt like she would appreciate that. So I put my phone away and played on my guitar for a few more hours until I got ready to pick her up.

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Y/N POV

I woke up from my nap way too early. I couldn’t sleep, I was too excited. I decided to do my hair first. I stood in front of the mirror, realizing that it was fine the way it was. My hair was naturally wavy and I really didn’t have the desire to curl it or straighten it. I took my curling wand and put a few waves in a couple strands that weren’t cooperating then sprayed it with a coconut scented styling spray.

I laughed to myself looking at the clock, that literally only took ten minutes. I decided to sit down and do my makeup, once again realizing that this wasn’t something I usually did.

I put on a light foundation, and a little bit of bronzer and blush and some mascara that made my eyelashes look really good. Then I was done. Only 15 minutes.

I decided to watch some Greys Anatomy until 7:30 when I would put my dress on. It was a simple little black dress. It was fitted around my chest and it flared out around my hips. Nothing crazy, I didn’t want to look or act like something I wasn’t. Of course I second guessed myself a million times, wondering if that’s what he wanted me to do.

7:30 rolls around before I know it, and I get a text from Shawn asking for my address. My heart pounding out of my chest as I type it into to little box.

SHAWN: I should be there soon. xx

I quickly text back

Okay, Let me know when you’re here.

I quickly throw on my dress, scrunch my fingers through my hair, and touch up my mascara and lip gloss. He text me as soon as I was sliding my white converse on my feet.

I got into the elevator of my apartment, and as the doors closed. I took a deep breath in. Reminding myself that he was just like me. We were normal, and this was our first date. Just be myself. I walked out of the building, spotting the jeep that was right in front of the main lobby of my apartment. I took one more deep breath and walked towards him, and damn did he look good.

Tight black skinny jeans, boots, and a simple maroon button up. He looked way more dressed up than last night. I silently thanked god I decided on the dress and not something simple like the night before. He smiled at me and I smiled back as he opened up the passenger side door for me.

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Shawn’s POV:

She looked so good. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked like something out of a dream. Her hair was down, flowing around her shoulders with soft waves. I could tell that it was natural. She barely had makeup up on, her eyelashes looked so long, when she would look down they would brush against her cheeks. Her lips were pink like her cheeks, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to kiss them. Her dress, good god, this dress. Simple and black but it hit her in all the right places.

The original plan was to go to a party. So that’s what we’re dressed for, a party. When I picked her up and she started walking to my Jeep, I started to get jealous. She looked so beautiful, there was no way I was sharing this with anyone else. Not tonight, at least.

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way about someone, but there was something different about the way I felt this time around. Ever since I asked her out, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I needed to make sure she couldn’t stop thinking about me too.

I watch her turn the radio volume down, snapping me out of my trance.

I hear her giggle, and I quickly look at her. She’s slightly pivoted in her seat watching me, I smile scrunching my eyebrows together.

“What?” I ask

“Are you... are you good?” She laughs at me.

“What do you mean? Of course I’m good.” It came off a bit cocky, and that’s definitely not how I wanted to sound.

I look at her again and she’s pressing her lips together to keep from laughing I assume.

“Okay. I’m glad you’re good.” She spoke turning forward in her seat.

I nodded.

God why couldn’t I just talk to her. I never got nervous around girls. That’s how I knew she was different.

“So...” I cleared my throat “maybe we could, just hang out tonight?” I asked her

I watched her cock her head confused from my peripherals.

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” She chuckled

I laughed. I’m seriously an idiot.

“Yes, but I mean just me and you. Maybe not go to the party. I mean unless you want to. Either way. It’s fine.” I rambled on.

“Don’t wanna be seen with me... ahh, sure I don’t care.” She smiles at me

“No! That’s not it at all, I just... I want to get to know you. Ya know?”

“Oh, so you want to get into my pants? I see.” She nods her head, biting her lip.

My eyes widen and as soon as I start to defend myself, she starts laughing so hard.

Her hand finds my forearm and squeezes it, “Shawn, we can go wherever you want.” She says softly, “ And hey...” she waits for me to look. “Calm down, okay?” She smiles.

That smile did things to me. It cured every ounce of nervousness, anxiousness, and doubt I had ever had.

After that, I knew I had to make her mine.

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Y/N POV

He was insanely nervous. It was honestly the most adorable thing. I wanted to tell him, Its okay, I'm nervous too! I couldn’t though. I needed to seem like I was confident, that’s what he seemed to be attracted too so far.

He was so intense, driving. I kept looking over at him as his fingers tapped against the stirring wheel. He was looking at his GPS and the roads were getting darker and darker. We had been driving for about 30 minutes, and I was starting to get anxious.

As soon as I thought it, his voice comes over the music.

“Its this really pretty spot, I used to go to all the time growing up. I’ve just never driven there in the dark, but we should be there soon.” He smiles at me

And I smiled back.

“A really pretty spot where you… hide dead bodies?” I asked with a joking tone, trying not to laugh.

“Yep totally.” He rolls his eyes laughing. “I really didn’t think you’d catch on so quickly.” He says sarcastically. We laugh joking about the sketchiness of the situation, he was fully aware of how it looked.

When we finally pulled up, he was right, it was gorgeous.

It was this huge cliff that jutted out and over looked the city. Tons of sparkly lights dancing, and the stars above us were bright as can be. It was so simple but so breathtaking.

He came over to open my door, taking my hand as he helps me out of the jeep. I hop down and he reaches into his backseat and rummages around until he finds a blanket. I watch him as he walks to the front of the jeep, and throws the blanket on the hood. He takes my hand nodding to the blanket and I laugh as I jump up onto the hood of the car, and he follows my lead.

We sat there for awhile not saying anything, just looking at the view. The warmth of the jeeps engine was slowly leaving, and the wind started to feel colder than it did minutes ago. Shawn instantly noticed when I started to shiver. He hopped off of the hood and went to grab something from the jeep, coming back with a bottle of red wine, and a hoodie, that said YOUTH on the front.

He hopped back up and handed me the hoodie, I smiled at him, before throwing it on over my dress.

It smelled so good.

“You look gorgeous tonight.” He said softly. His arm was brushing up against mine, I looked up at him as I took his arm and put it around my shoulders. He was so warm.

“You look pretty handsome yourself, Mendes.” I smirked looking up at him, to find him staring down at me.

I watched his eyes flick from my eyes, down to my bottom lip that was stuck between my teeth.

I inhaled deeply, facing forward.

“21 questions. You go first.” I blurt out, leaning back smirking while I watch his eyebrows raise, thinking of a question.

“Okay, uhm, where are you from?” He asks facing me.

I explained where I moved from, and why I did. He seemed genuinely intrigued.

Okay, my turn.

“What makes you happy?” I said quietly.

You can tell a lot about someone when they talk about what brings them joy.

We spent the next hour laying there on the hood of his jeep, drinking red wine straight from the bottle. We talked about everything from which episode of Greys made us the most emotional, to the things that make us feel insecure. In just a few minutes of talking to him, my confident façade when out the window. He made me want to confide in him. Something about his presence made me weak, it made me want to be vulnerable. So I was, and so was he. It was beautiful, really.

There are a lot of things about this night Ill remember. Like the way his face lit up when he talked about his family and his fans, and his genuine love for them. The way his eyes got sad and his cheek quivered when I told him some of my darker times in life. The tone in his voice when he told me what my worth was. This boy didn’t even really know me, but he did at the same time. He knew me inside out.

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Shawn’s POV

Red wine always helps a little bit. She looked so good in my hoodie. I wanted to scoop her up and hold her tight, and kiss her until I couldn’t anymore.

We started to play 21 questions. Eventually it turned into us just spilling our guts about everything in our lives up until that point. I want to blame the wine, but I don’t think that’s why.

I was comfortable and she was too. We could have told each other everything without second guessing it. She was insecure about her body, and her personality. I wanted to find whoever made her feel that way and kick their ass.

“I just, wish I was more confident you know? I wish was confident enough to do all of the things I want to do. I second guess myself so much.” She bit the inside of her cheek as she stared out.

“I wish I was prettier.” She mumbled quietly. She looked down watching her hands fidgeting with each other. “I don’t think I’m ugly, but I just wish there was something WOW about me. Im so ordinary.”

She said, like she had thought it a million times.

I took my hand pulling her chin up to look at me.

“There is nothing ordinary about you.” I whispered, staring at her so she would believe me. She needed to believe me. She shook her head and quietly laughed, and she tried to look away but I pulled her face back to mine.

“You have wowed me more times than I can count, and this is only the first night we’ve hung out.” I smiled at her. “Everything about you is stunning. You need to know that.” I said looking down at her lips and back up to her eyes.

“Do you hear me, Y/n?” my eyes widened, ”I need you to know that.”

She softly nodded, I could tell by the look in her eyes, that this was the first time someone had made her feel worthy. She was though, she deserved to be told how amazing she was every single day.

Before I knew what was happening her lips were on mine. Slow and passionate all at once. She pulled back, biting her lip and looking at me as he thumb brushed my cheek bone as she held my face.

“Thank you.” She whispered, lightly kissing me once again.

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Shawn's POV

The next morning I woke up with a permanent smile plastered on my face. Everyone around me could tell that I was in a good mood. Everyone also knew that it was because of a girl, but I still lied and told them I was just having a good day.

I couldn’t get her off of my mind. I had never in my life talked to a girl like her. I wanted to text her as soon as I got up to make plans. I waited until around 10 am, after I went to the gym. I decided to call her.

My heart pounded as the phone rang, waiting for her to pick up. The longer I waited for her to pick up the more I wished I would have texted her. Finally just as I was about the hit the red button on the screen, she answered.

“Hi there.” She spoke, I smiled instantly picturing her face.

“Hey! Good morning, what do you have going on today?” I blurted out, really smooth. I should have probably talked a little longer before asking her out again.

She chuckled.

“Well…” She drew out her l’s “I was going to catch up on laundry.”

“Do you need some company?”

“I would love that. I usually go to the laundromat by my apartment. I could meet you there?”

“Okay! That works, just text me the address.”

“Deal, Bye Shawn.” She said before hanging up. I don’t think Ill ever get used to the way my chest tightens when she said my name.

Shortly after our call ended, she sent the address of the laundromat and told me she was headed here now. I threw my hoodie on, and a hat and left to meet her.

I walked up to the building thankful that it wasn’t in a very populated part of town. Not that it mattered, but I really wanted to get to know her more, and not be distracted the whole time.

I walked inside, smiling as soon as I saw her. She didn’t see me yet though. She was so entranced, it was kind of beautiful. She was humming along to the music playing over the loud speaker. Her hair in a messy bun, light makeup gracing her face. I could instantly tell that she really didn’t think about what she had on when she decided to hang out with me. That was one of the things I really liked about her. She was so real, all the time. I needed that in my life.

I walked to where she was, she finally looked up, smiling at me as she put down the clothes she was grabbing to put in the washer. She walked up to me, holding her arms out. It wasn’t until then that I realized she still had my hoodie on. I smiled down at her as her arms wrapped around my torso, and mine around her shoulders. We hugged for what felt like a long time. I was glad that she initiated hugging me, because I desperately wanted to wrap my arms around her too.

She let go of my waist and smiled up at me.

“Hi.” she said quietly

“Hi. That hoodie really does look good on you.” I confirmed nodding at her looking her up and down.

She backed up and fake modeled it for me, as she giggled.

“I know, I think I want to keep it.” She said shyly, biting her lip and raising her eyebrows.

I laughed, how could I tell her no.

“I think that’s a good idea.” I said nodding to her.

I instantly dove in helping her load the washer with her clothes, and getting change from the machines. Once the washers were all going, we bought an insane amount of junk food from the vending machine and sat down at a table near the machines she was using. We lucked out, we were the only ones in the entire laundromat.

“So…” she started, popping a peanut M&M into her mouth. “How long are you home for?”

I finished chewing my Twizzler… “I leave for a few European shows and press soon.” I said quietly. For the first time thinking that maybe that would be a deal breaker.

She nodded. “How soon is soon?” She smiles.

I start to smile back until I realize that she probably isn’t going to like my answer. I know I don’t.

“I leave in four days, but Ill only be gone for a few weeks.” I try to reason already.

Her eyes instantly get sad, but she tried to cover it up with a fake smile.

“Then you come home for another week, before you leave again?” She laughs.

I scrunched my nose and nodded. I didn’t want that to be true, but it was. That was the reality of my career. A career that I loved. This was the first time that I had to think about how often I wasn’t home. I avoided relationships for this reason exactly, I knew how hard it was for the other person.

I watched her as she got up and walked to the washer, as it was beeping, letting us know the clothes were done. She started putting them into the dryer, I walked over and started to help her. Once we had transitioned all of the clothes from the washers to the dryer she walked over to the wall nearby and leaned up against it. I slowly walked over to her. Placing one of my hands on the wall next to her head.

Then I used the other one to pull her chin up to look at me.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” I mutter.

She breathes deeply, licking her lips before she speaks.

“I just… I really like you.” She says quietly.

I smile down at her, my heart pounding at the sound of the words.

“That’s good, I really like you too.”

“Do you like a lot of girls? Because I'm not that type of girl, ya know. I know you’re a Rockstar, and a lot of girls want you but I need to be the only one. You’ll be my only one and Ill be yours.” She started to ramble.

I giggled making her stop. She scrunched her eyebrows, silently telling me that she didn’t like that.

“First of all. You are my only one, the only person I’m talking to. You’re the only person I want to talk to.” I said matter of fact. She peered up at me biting the inside of her cheek. Something I’ve noticed she does when she’s nervous or anxious. She nodded at me signaling that she understood.

“Second of all, you are so fucking cute.” I smiled down at her, she instantly stopped chewing the inside of her cheek, when she lets out a little giggle. Her hand finds my neck, and she pulls me closer to her. Her lips ghosting mine, until I lean in a centimeter fully connecting them.

She gently pushes me away from her and wipes her mouth after we had been kissing for a few minutes.

“There’s a time and a place, Mendes.” She quips as she walks towards the dryer to check the time.

I tuned around leaning against the wall she just left, watching her silently.

She slowly walked towards me, leaning into me.

“So four days hmm?” She asked me quietly.

“Ya know, there’s a thing called face time… right? Its not like you cant talk to me while I’m away.” I responded, my hand finding the small of her back and rubbing gentle circles.

“Yeah I know, but I like this.” She said leaning her head into my chest. I sighed loving the feeling. She felt like the piece of me that was missing, and I didn’t even know it.

“Okay. Well for the next 4 days we can do this a lot, until I get back home.” I say leaning down to kiss her head.

She nods into my chest.

We stay like that until her clothes are dry. We fold her clothes, and pack them up, then take them to her car. Once she’s ready to leave. She walks the the drivers side of her car and I follow, opening her door for her.

“So, do you have anything going on tomorrow?” I ask

She smiles at me. “What do you have in mind?”

I chuckle “Well maybe, I could make you dinner at my place?”

She raised her eyebrows. “A man that can cook? I like it. Sounds like a plan.” She smiles and nods at me.

“Okay, Ill pick you up around 6.” I tell her. She nods, and leans in to hug me. I wrap my arms around her tight. She looks up at me with soft eyes.

“Thanks for helping me with my laundry.” She giggles.

“Anytime, honey.” I leaned down to kiss her nose.

She got in her car and I waited for her to drive away, before calling my mom to beg her to make a meal for my date tomorrow.

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Shawn’s POV

I sliced the tomatoes as my mom started to sprinkle salt and pepper on the chicken breast.

“Okay, now we will put the basil and pesto all over the chicken, then the tomatoes then the mozzarella.” She lists. “She’s going to love it, sweetie.” She looks up at me smiling.

I start to do as my mom tells me. I spread the seasoning all over the chicken, placing the tomatoes delicately on top of it.

“I really appreciate you coming over to help.” I said silently as she started to prepare the salad.

“Of course, dear. You seem to really like this one.” She suggests, I see her peaking at me from her peripherals gauging my reaction. I smile bigger than I intended, but when I thought about her it was instant. Then thinking about her being around my family and how much they would like her. How could I not smile thinking about that. My mom noticed I assume, because I heard her chuckle.

“I really do. I know its crazy, I barely know her but… she’s amazing.” I nodded looking up to my mom to see her reaction.

“There’s nothing crazy about it, Shawn. When you feel something, you feel something.” She soothes, as she rubs my arm. I smile down looking at her, silently telling her that it was exactly what I needed to hear.

After she told me how long to cook the food for and helping me set the table, and pick out the perfect bottle of wine. I helped her gather her things so I could walk her to her car.

I pull open her door, setting her things in the passenger seat, turning around to give her a bear hug.

“Thank you so much.” I kiss her cheek.

“Of course, honey.” She said getting into her car. “I can’t wait to meet her.” She winks as she starts to pull out of my parking garage.

I head back upstairs to take a quick shower before I left to pick her up. Sending her a quick text to give her a estimate of when I would be there.

_______________________________________

Y/N’s POV

Giddy, I was so damn giddy. I couldn’t stop smiling, and prancing around my apartment. I was trying not to think very much about everything. I knew deep down that there was a huge possibility that this wouldn’t work. My past relationships always worked like this. I thought I knew who they were, and they turned out to be something completely different. I didn’t see that happening with Shawn. Honestly, I was already so invested that I had to take it as far as it would go. However far that may be, I didn’t know, and that scared me.

I got ready the same way I did on our first date. Loose curls, light makeup, and another simple dress. The dress is a deep plum t-shirt dress I paired it with a denim jacket and as usual my white converse.

*DING*

SHAWN: Hey gorgeous, be there in thirty.

Y/N: See you soon!

I patiently waited for my phone to signal me that he was outside. When It finally came, I couldn’t get to his Jeep fast enough. He attempted to park and get out of the car, but I signaled to him to stay in the car as I ran the other side of the car. I close the door behind me quickly, and buckle my seatbelt. I look over to see him smirking at me.

“I like opening the door for you.” He raises his eyebrows.

I giggle, “I like that you open the door for me.” I confirm grabbing his hand and lacing my fingers through them.

“I just really wanted to do this…” I lean over the center console and pull his face towards me and connect my lips to his rapidly. “I wanted to do that.”

“Okay…” He says taking my hand in his and bringing the back of it to his lips. “only, this time.”

We finally pull up to his condo. I make an attempt to not look super impressed by how lavish it was. We hadn’t even made it inside yet. I obviously expected it to be insane, but this was beyond what I imagined. We rode the elevator up in silence mostly because he knew I was soaking everything in. Then we finally got to his condo, and he unlocked the door. I took a deep breath in, his view. His view was the most amazing one I had ever witnessed.

“Shawn, this view is crazy.” I say walking closer to his window overlooking the CN tower.

“I know! That was what sold me.” He agrees.

I heard him fidgeting with the stove, I look over to see him putting the meal into the oven. He peaks up at me as I watch him.

“You can go on the balcony if you want, Ill be out in just a second.” He smiles

I slide open the door and step outside. The wind hitting me hard at first, but I adjusted quickly. I walked close to the edge of the balcony, peering out at the beautiful Toronto skyline.

I was so hypnotized that I didn’t even hear him come outside, I only felt him as he came to stand behind me. His arms pulling me close, giving me the warmth I didn’t know I needed. I sank into him, as he rested his chin on top of my head.

“That should be done in about 40 minutes.” He whispers looking down at me as I tilt my head to look up at him.

“Okay, I’m in no hurry.” I murmur, smiling up at him.

After a few minutes of standing there a few minutes, he guided me over to the couch on his balcony where he had pillows and blankets everywhere.

He sat on the corner of the couch and pulled me into him with my back resting against his side. His hand finding mine and playing with my fingers.

“Do you like living here?” He asked quietly.

“I do, I love it actually.”

“You don’t miss home at all?”

I shake my head no. “I don’t really feel like home is a place. I feel like home is wherever you feel loved, or you feel happiness.” I turn to look at him.”Ya know?”

He smirks nodding in agreement.

“That’s why I don’t mind traveling so much. I love being on stage, it’s like a second home to me.” He agrees.

“I mean I miss my family sometimes, but I’ve accomplished so much being away from them.” I look away from him, feeling myself starting to get emotional. I feel his hand tighten around mine, because he notices.

“They weren’t very supportive?” He questions.

I let out a scoff. “Yeah I guess you could say that. I love them, but they weren’t the best parents.”

“You can talk about it if you want?” He says softly kissing my temple.

I sigh, I hate talking about it but I know that he needs to know this to understand the kind of person I am.

I tell him about my childhood, and how my mom and dad were never really around much. They both worked weird hours and partied like crazy. They didn’t plan on having me, so I kind of interrupted their party years. They were so immature as I got older it turned into me being the responsible one. With money, bills, school, everything really. They didn’t take initiative on anything. They didn’t care where I was, they didn’t care if the water bill was paid on time, they didn’t care about anything besides themselves. So I decided that when I graduated I would move, and go to college in a new city, and Toronto was my final decision.

“I’m so sorry, honey. That had to be hard.” He soothed as his hands ran through my hair.

“Its okay, I’ve learned from it and so have my parents. It made me who I am.” I smile at him.

“I really like who you are.” He says quietly grabbing my chin to pull it to his mouth.

We suddenly hear the ding of the timer, and he hops up from the couch rushing inside and I follow.

He takes the hot dish out of the oven with oven mits, and I chuckle at the image. There was no way he cooked this alone, he looked so out of his element, but it was adorable nonetheless.

“Need any help?” I ask with a bit of concern lacing my voice.

“Nope! Sit down, I’m gonna make your plate.” He says scooping the chicken and salad onto my plate. He places it in front of me, and it looked delicious.

“Thank you, Chef Mendes.” I peak up at him smirking at me.

He casually watches me as I cut into the food and take a bite. He visibly relaxes when I give the food the nod of approval. We both, eat and drink our wine rather quickly. I didn’t realize how little I ate that day until I was almost done with my food. He insisted on cleaning up alone, but I didn’t listen. I helped him gather all of the dirty dishes and load the dishwasher up. The entire time he told me to stop helping and sit down and relax, I just laughed and ignored his request.

We were finally done and my dress was soaked with water from rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

“See if you would have just went and relaxed, you would be dry.” He quips, smirking at me.

“I don’t mind Shawn, really. Its just a little water.” I say calmly.

He rolls his eyes and dismisses himself for a moment, when he returns he has a pair of grey sweatpants and a pink hoodie.

“You can put these on if you want.” He hands them to me.

“Great another hoodie to steal.” I wink at him as I disappear into the bathroom.

The sweatpants hung low on my hips and were entirely too long but they were definitely comfier than the dress. The hoodie was obviously comfy too, but most of the comfort came from the way it smelled like him. I walked out to see Shawn waiting on the couch for me, his hands making a grabby motion as I walked over to him.

“Much better.” He said pulling me onto his lap. I readjusted so that I was straddling his lap, I watched his apples Adam bob when I did this. His hands resting on my upper thighs.

“Thanks for the clothes.” I muttered while I played with the strings on his own hoodie.

“Literally, anytime. They look so fucking good on you.”

I smile at him before I lean forward, kissing his neck softly. Making a trail to his lips, where I could spend hours. We kissed for a long time, until I softly tugged his lip between my teeth and pulled away.

“We have to stop.” I giggle, wiping my mouth. I knew I was getting turned on and I knew he was too, I could feel it. He started to blush. I wrapped my arms around his neck playing with the hair on the back of his head.

“I don’t want to. Believe me, but we should.” I nod. I want him to understand that it wasn’t anything he was doing wrong.

“Of course, baby.” He says lifting me from the spot on his lap to stand while he lays down on the couch.

Once he’s comfortable he pats the area in front of him, for me to lay down. He grabs the remote. Leaning up on his elbow to see the TV.

“Harry Potter okay?” he asks not breaking contact with the tv.

“Which one?” I ask watching him closely.

“Azkaban.” He mutters.

“Best one. I approve.”

He glances down quickly, “Just when I think you can’t get any hotter.” He smirks leaning down to kiss my cheek. He presses play and I turn away from him so were spooning. He pulls a pillow under his head so his is elevated above mine. My head resting on his right bicep. His left arm wraps around my body, sliding under my hoodie. I felt his hand pause as he realized I didn’t have a shirt on underneath. I put my hand on top of his to signal that I didn’t mind. His thumb started tracing light patterns, I instantly relax into him. We watched the movie in silence for the most part, other than both of us quoting our favorite parts when they came up.

The movie ended and I turned so that I was laying on my back next to him. He was hovering over me, lightly brushing my hair from my face. His eyes flicking from my face to my lips a few times.

“What?” I ask quietly as he stares down at me, bringing a new shade of red to my cheeks.

He finally leans down ghosting his lips on mine, we kiss slowly for a while. His lips fitting perfectly between mine. He leans back, licking his lips. His hand on my chin, thumb rubbing softly.

“Needed to do that.” He says quickly before leaning down and kissing my nose.

I look down to find his fingers lacing my own. I love the look of it, his hand looks so good with mine. I wanted to talk about what was next. I couldn’t formulate what to say though. We had only been on two dates and I was already cuddling on his couch with him. Which was an absolutely crazy thing for me to do. I have never been that girl, why was I with him? Everything felt so natural from the get go, maybe I needed to pump the breaks. I wondered how invested he was, I hoped that he was feeling what I felt.

Shawn’s POV

She was stunning. Lying beside me, I couldn’t help but wish that I could wake up every day to this image.

“You should stay over, its so late.” I whispered as I played with her fingers in my hand. She takes a deep breath which made me nervous.

“I have to use the restroom.” She says quickly popping up from the couch. I pointed her in the direction, wondering if I just fucked everything up because I wanted to move too fast. I sat there for a few minutes, my leg bouncing up and down nervously. She walked back into the room with a smile, which made me feel better.

“I’m all yours.” She says plopping down onto the couch.

My heart fluttered a bit, hearing her say that. God I wanted her to be.

“Good.” I confirm moving to where I was facing her on the couch.

We sat on there, her at one end, me on the other. We just stared at each other for a while. She was fidgeting with the dead skin on the side of her nail. It looked like she wanted to say something a few times.

“This is crazy.” She mutters. Taking a deep breath, she slowly looks up at me.

“Yeah.” I agreed, smirking. I could have pretended like I didn’t know what she was talking about but, I knew.

“I mean… three dates, Shawn. I-I don’t know what to think about it.” She rambles, curling her legs underneath her. Her eyes searching mine for some type of guidance. Hell I was just as freaked out by my feelings for her, but I did know that it was something special.

I adjusted in my seat, smiling at her softly.

“Well… We like each other, right?” I ask

“I mean I like you, you like me too. Right?” She scrunched her eyebrows together.

“Mhm” I nod, laughing softly at her reaction.

“So, maybe we should slow things down?” I ask tilting my head.

She takes a deep breath in.

“I think that might help.” She mumbles.

I look past her noticing that I had UNO on my book shelf along with some other random games. I crossed the room and grabbed the box of cards, returning to the couch. She watched me curiously as I sat in front of her shuffling the cards.

“One round of UNO, then I’ll take you home?” I asked smirking at her, I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye for the night. If she wanted to slow things down, I would do that for her. She smirked at me as she took the cards I dealt into her hands, taking one of my throw pillows and putting it behind her back.

“So,” She said throwing down a red skip card, then a red 8, “You leave in two days.”

“I do, you gonna miss me?” I smirked at her laying down a draw two.

She scoffed picking up two cards and hitting me with a draw four.

“So you'll be able to talk to me while you're away, right?” She said delicately.

“Of course. Are you okay with me calling? The time difference can be annoying.”

“I mean, If you want to call, I won’t mind.”

“I want to call. I want to Facetime, I want to talk to you a lot.”

“Good.” She blushed, laying down a green 4, “Uno.” She laughed softly. She picks up the cards and starts to shuffle for another round, I guess she wasn’t ready to call it a night either.

I knew, I couldn’t live without this girl. I wanted her to be on the other end of the phone every night when I was tossing and turning. I wanted her to be waiting here for me when I got back home, and I was going to do everything to make her feel the love she deserved.

#shawn mendes #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes one shot

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hey-hey-chan · 6 years

Text

Demon!Stray Kids

❀ Fantasy/supernatural

❀ Word Count: 1.8K

❤ For @strgaykids who gave me this idea. I know your bias is Felix, but this became a Chan fic because he was my bias :(( and im sorry it sucks i cant write anymore :(( also i didnt reread this so dont hate me :((

❀ a/n: So here’s something new ,, there’s no love interest i guess just pure brotherhood :^) Sorry this is so short ,,, im having a bad time of writers block :(

Chan

I felt my opponent push me down, my stomach and face hugging the ground a little too intimately. I grunted in pain.

“GET UP! GET UP!” I heard the older man yell. I groaned. I couldn’t stand with my legs feeling like they were jello and that my bleed was spilling all over the mat.

I felt another kick come in contact with my side. I held in a scream, but I still let out a groan of pain.

“You wimp! You can’t even fight a girl!” I heard another student yell. I knew woman were strong, but I still felt a blow to my ego. Although, the girl didn’t seem to like his statement.

“Whatever! You can’t even beat me, you asshole!” She screamed, ignoring me for a split second.

I heard the familiar whistle blow, signaling the end of a fight.

“Song Hyemi wins!” The instructor yelled bitterly. I felt myself being pulled up and to the sidelines. “C’mon boy! You can’t keep losing when you’re in line for the throne!” I heard the other kids laugh at my misery and who their next king was.

I was ashamed.

All demon royalty had the strongest of powers ranging from fire, manipulation, and mind reading. Yet, I had nothing. Not even an once of any ability.

All demons had some powers, yet they weren’t as strong as the royals. Except they were all stronger than me.

“Good fight, Chan. See you next time.” The girl I was fighting nudged me and gave me an evil smile. She walked over and high fived all the other students in our class. I wanted to be mad at her, but I knew she was an amazing fighter.

“Aw, Chan hyung, it’s ok, your powers will come in one day.” I felt a hand on my shoulder, making me slightly more at ease. I look behind my shoulder and sighed at the red head I call brother.

“Really? Because I’m almost 21 and no sign of any abilities have come in. Plus, I’m not like the usual demons. I have no urge to fight or to go hunting.” I set down my weapons and sit on a bench.

Hunting. That’s what demons call finding evil demons, yes, there are ones more evil than us, and sucking their souls out. Just like any other species, we had jails, crimes, laws- we weren’t savages.

“It’s ok bro, you’ll find your drive some time. Plus, so what? You’re a nice guy! That isn’t-” Before my brother could finish his sentence, I felt hands rest on my shoulders, spinning me around.

“Do you think this is a game?” He shouted immediately once all the other kids were in the lockers. “Huh? You think it is? You think dying on the battlefield when millions of people are counting on you? You think that’s just one big joke?” He screamed at me. I stood still and let him project his anger on me, but my brother was a different story.

“Hey, he’s trying, my brother is a good guy, ok?” I held Felix back before he could say any more.

“You’re right, I’m being stupid. I need to train harder...but it’ll be useless without my powers. I’m a strategist, not a fighter.” I confessed. The instructors eyes turned an ashy gray, contrary to his dark charcoal eyes.

“You better learn how to fight soon or else your younger brother will have to step up instead. Chew on that, boy.” The man stomped out of the room like a child, leaving me and Felix to stand in the empty room.

I felt a pat on my shoulder even before I could even think.

“Don’t listen to them, bro. You’re a smart guy and maybe our kingdom needs some more smarts than big burly guys.” He joked. I laughed at his childish humor.

When I was growing up, I always felt that I was different. The other kids cast fires, ice, wind, all of these scary elements, and yet I had nothing. I would always stand and watch in awe while my parents stood off to the side sighing.

I was pacifist. I hated fighting and everything about it. I hated war; I hated violence. And I had raised my brother that way, leaving him to be one of the most powerful demons in the world with no drive to fight. I could only regret what I taught him.

I patted him on the shoulder and pulled him to the dining area.

“Forget about it, let’s just dinner.” I muttered giving him a cheeky smile.

“That’s true, we have better things to focus on, like how hot the girl who was beating you up was-” I immediately slapped him on the shoulder and laughed.

“FELIX! Please tell me that’s not what you were focusing on the entire time.” I blushed. The boy shook his head.

“Nope! I was focusing on how she was beating your ass to the ground every-” I, being the normal big brother I was, gave him a noogie and made him apologize. Although my brother could just blast him with his flames, he decided not to. Which made me even softer for the kid.

“Ok, ok, I give up!” He got out of my grasp and ran a few steps ahead into the dining hall.

Immediately as we walked in, the glares and stares were on us. I walked confidently forward towards our food, ignoring the blatent hatred in their eyes.

In the demon world, the best were the cruelest, the most cunning, the strongest: I was none of those.

“LOSER! You can’t even get one hit in!” I heard one kid yell at me.

“You two are a disgrace to the kingdom!” A girl shouted.

“Just hand down the throne already-” I heard gasps erupt, knowing that comment was too far, but I just kept walking.

“People are so weird these days, they have nothing better to do but hate on us.” I joked to my brother. He scoffed and laughed at my statement.

“That’s true, let me show them at least one brother has powers.” Before I could stop him, a burst of fire shot through the cafeteria, each span of flames stopping in front of each student’s face.

Their faces turned from laughter to horror, and I wanted to laugh, but I knew it was wrong.

“Felix.” I warned. He gave me a pouty look and sent away the flames. No one messed with us after that.

Suddenly, the doors of the cafeteria busted open, shocking each of the students.

“CHAN AND FELIX! Report to the west wing, now!”

Felix and I had no time to look at each other and rather ran up from out seats. Unfortuanetly, we had a ratehr large crowd follow us.

“HURRY!”

At those words, we ran to the wing, looking for any sign of danger along the way.

“Chan-”

“It’s ok!” I calmed, even though I had no clue what the situation was.

As we reached the west wing, I saw it.

Two deranged demons.

Their teeth were rotten, probably from the others they had eaten. Their hair was falling out and sticking out in every which direction. Their eyes where pure black, not whites to be seen.

Deranged demons were demons who had diseases and often turned crazy to be honest. Their minds were consumed by the natural evil in us and left them to feed on other demons- which was obviously illegal.

Unfortunately, only royal blood were able to destroy deranged demons in the demon world. That’s just perfect.

Mostly, these demons roam in the mortal world, looking for souls to compel, but of course, my luck is terrible and two very strong ones happened to be standing in front of me.

I felt my brother take a step forward. I instinctively grabbed him and pulled him back.

“No, it’s too dangerous.” I mumbled. He looked at me with a worried gaze in his eyes.

“Dude, well how are you planning on stopping them?”

He was right. We were the only royal bloods here besides my parents, and I had no idea when they would come.

“Ok, well then, let’s umm..” I trailed off, unable to think of a plan.

“COME ON! JUST KILL THE THING!”

“Yeah! Let Felix kill them!”

“YEAH! KILL THEM!” I heard numerous chants and frightened screams behind us, but they weren’t important. I knew if the demons got ahold of one of us, they would not stop. Draining a royal’s soul would lead the demon to be faster, stronger, smarter-something we obviously didn’t want them to be.

“Well bitch, what are you supposed to do?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” I whispered at the poor boy who was clearly wanting to fight off the deranged.

Think Chan think.

I searched my brain for any ideas, but all of them told me to just let Felix fight hem off. I felt useless in this battle.

“Fine, you can-”

Suddenly, the deranged started screaming and running towards us. My eyes widened, preparing for the worst, but the worst never came.

I saw flames fly over our heads and right into the bodies of the deranged. Whines and whimpers flooded the west wing and both of them collapsed, fading into the familiar ashes.

“What are you all doing standing here?? GO EAT YOUR DINNERS!” Felix and I turned our heads around at the same time and stared at the man. The crowd quickly dispersed at my father’s wishes, leaving me and my brother to gulp in fear.

Waiting for a scolding, Felix and I held our breath. The king took one step towards us and sighed.

“Just get some rest boys, and next time don’t hesitate to kill them. They can easily hurt you and your classmates.” Our father turned around and returned to whatever he was doing.

Once he disappeared from sight, I let out a big sigh.

“That was rough.”

I sat in the dorms with my brother as we both shared a room.

“Chan?” I set down the book I was reading and looked at my brother.

“Hm?”

“What happens if we can’t defeat those demons next time? What will happen to us?” He asked sadly. I sighed and pushed the book to my side. Chemistry could wait.

“We die.” I deadpanned. The young boy sucked in a breath.

“B-but, we need to kill them next time. I just, I don’t know, I don’t like knowing I killed someone.” He admit. I gave him a sad look and patted him on the shoulder.

“Don’t feel bad about having a heart, Felix. That’s something many demons don’t have.” I poked him on his chest, hoping that’s where his heart was. “Compassion is your biggest strength and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

He said nothing at my words and I wondered if I said anything wrong.

Suddenly, I felt his lanky arms wrap around my body.

“You too, Chan. You’re the nicest guy I know.” His words warmed my heart. I chuckled and patted his arms.

“Yeah, yeah, at least you’re strong though.” I noted. He unwrapped his arms from me and demonstrated his small flames. I gazed in awe at his abilities- they always shocked me.

Until he set my lamp on fire.

“God dammit Felix, not again!”

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #straykidznet #sk-writersnet #stray kids scenario #skz #skiz #skz scenarios #skiz scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids demon au #bang chan #lee felix #felix lee #chan #felix #chan scenarios #felix scenarios #bang chan scenarios

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11toe11-blog · 4 years

Text

Covid Sitayana

Ramayana was an epic scale epic. Since we did not have the bandwidth for more than one Ramayana or Mahabharata - we decided to ensure another Ramayana never happens.

So every other potential Sita was trained - a clear Line drawn - stand inside, well within the line.

“How many times should i tell you! Stay inside”

Sita - “but the cow…”

“What cow? No cow! Stay inside. Always remember the line. Everything outside is Ravana.”

____

Notes on Kalari -- Dr. Priyadarshan Lal

Warm body- warm up

Being able to stand on two feet requires great balance. Not any other mammals other than humans - who start erect. Core- balance ( like cycle/swimming)

Drawing associations of etymology. Letter of Tamil are distinguished as.

Mei-ezhuthu- Consonants. Mei --> Body

Uyir-ezhuthu - Vowels. Uyir-->Breath

---> Mei- payattu

8 types of postures:

Lion - cross legged and paw connect. Cross core

Elephant - simultaneous movements of the side. All of left shifts. Then all of right shifts.Strength.

Fish - turn. Flash turn.

Kukkuda/ rooster - flutter up and land

Horse straight

Boar -stright. lift.

Snake

Cat

All the postures appear in the meippayattu, obviously or subtly.

(*noticing how barteniff similarly constructed fundamentals based on evolutionary stages of embryo. In my experince so far, the manipulation of the jelly like that is strong and flexible and can contort and expand and realign etc, in connection with the breath, creates a posture if extended to the extremeties)

(pic courtesy: https://www.leisurepro.com/blog/explore-the-blue/5-harmless-species-jellyfish/)

___

Empty handed combat. Win over the enemy without fighting. (*love and empathy)

___

Adhara chakra

(*he didnt elaborate, but from the adishakti workshop of many years ago i remember that each posture has an associated chakra basis. Maybe the movement originates or is held or passed through that particular chakra. Im yet to experience it. For fish and horse and elephant maybe i sense it, but i cant be sure)

___

I feel close to being done writing about myself. And my vantage at this point. I feel it would be nice to explore a subject in writing.

Like kalari. And where kalari meets ramana. Not scholarly sense, but for me. So that i can discover for myself the connections i have made. And the questions and blind spots are clearer to me.

Looking at a dance journal called FUSE, i caught a glimpse of the dancer’s notes...the notes, the scores, seemed closer to my way of enquiring. Scores. Questions. Frames of observation.

What of the archetypes and narratives and characters?

“We’ll isn't it interesting, that as well as you know your characters and the relationships between them, you aret compelled by dialogues - what they say to each other seems to be of no import to you.”

Yes. I cant seem to care much for dialogues insipte of all that auditory hallucinations.

I feel - The dialogues are not spoken. They are actions. And in the body, their very being itself there is something alive and exchanging and transforming. SOmething that doesn't lean on words to do preliminary negotiations. Something that is, and goes in, and is being from the very start all they way. Like mom keeps saying, actions speak louder than words.

Yes. And in their moving around and relating back and forth to the space and movements and changing landscape of their emotions/memories/ etc… changes takes place… in ascertain kind of quietness. Cant call it silence. Or in a certain kind of silence. Cant call it quietness. Or is it a certain kind of silence.

But dialogues have no place there. Expect as inner soliloquies. May be as monologues. When it comes to rapid energy exchange, it physical. Not words. Because words are diversions at best.

Most of the time. They appear when there is no choice, but to speak. And then the words appear, and they appear crystal clear, to illuminate, to clarify. Not to veil and hide.

___

Form is created by tension. Last night i was watching the mind. Or rather something was watching the mind. And i was in the mind trapped in its incessant chatter and looking from outside. The incessant chatter seemed to originate from a tension at the base of the skull. From something taut, like a string of a musical instrument. Though not wholly a pleasant feeling.

In this tension, between this points of tension space is created and form appears. A is the tension between the two slanting lines whose base is pulled apart and wedged by a shot line. Form. Uyirzhuthu. K is the inclined upward and inclined downward push, directed to a particular single point on the vertical line.

Not sure if i would have been able to finally get a sense of the symbols used to denote english alphabets, if wasnt for my conversation with DK, aka Quirky.

Me: wait... i have more technical question ...how do you remember what you did on the floor?

and when does meaning emerge?

He: It's all in the flow

And it's the experience and the environment that the movement create that in turn gives the watching person to make meaning

Technically it's all about the flow and muscles memory

Me: but what of the mover? where is he/she finding meaning?

or is the meaning purely an experience of spatial truth?

He: Meaning is subjective isn't it

Me: yuss

He: It's like the color red and the redness of the read. Red

I guess redness of the red is what I am interested

Not what meanings people associated red with

Of course one can use association of the red to creat an emotion or mood but as a core the ness ness of something is the research

Me: do you at any point at all, as a mover dancer, remember being interested in what meanings people associated with red? or was it always about redness of red?

He: When is create it all about the Ness nesss but ofcourse once the composition and presentation of the idea start I do play with association of the given ideas or objects to create tention.

But I also know if I considered the association I am closing a lot of other posibal reading

It's a balancing act

Me: mmmm

He: If I address the association more often them not I will be taking stands and sides

Which may be use full for certain works

But as a for being true to the work I find it enriching to look for the nessness of the idea

Me: Ness-ness is nice. very nice. i supoose it the most neutral position available to you while fully innit - if i must intellectualise. but ya... when i was asking you, how do you rember, i was coming from a simplistic space of notaton and mnenomics. but this redness of red gives me a btter answer tothe unasked question.

He: I don't remember I am not wired like that

Dicklessli. Lol

Its all in the flow and muscle memory

And ofcourse repetition

Me: relieff

just came acrosss this https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/read/63113284/fuse1

He: The useal lol . Gay and tamil mami

Lol. I know of the person who runs this project

Me: trust you to massacre! Nut!

___

I dint quite understand what he meant by this “ He: When is create it all about the Ness nesss but ofcourse once the composition and presentation of the idea start I do play with association of the given ideas or objects to create tention. “ yesterday. This idea of creating tension using associations etc for the compositions and presentations and sharing… the point of outer reflection and feedback from the larger whole , as mirror. Like R says, “only when the play meets the audience does it become a play”, audience provides that vital energy - that space- witness. ANd thats when the possibilities of the play star unfolding.

What of traditional performers such as koodiyattam then? For whom the lamp is the only witness?

Also https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/06/the-aesthetic-of-silence-susan-sontag/

“Art is a technique for focusing attention, for teaching skills of attention… Once the artist’s task seemed to be simply that of opening up new areas and objects of attention. That task is still acknowledged, but it has become problematic. The very faculty of attention has come into question, and been subjected to more rigorous standards…

Perhaps the quality of the attention one brings to bear on something will be better (less contaminated, less distracted), the less one is offered. Furnished with impoverished art, purged by silence, one might then be able to begin to transcend the frustrating selectivity of attention, with its inevitable distortions of experience. Ideally, one should be able to pay attention to everything.”

“So far as he is serious, the artist is continually tempted to sever the dialogue he has with an audience. Silence is the furthest extension of that reluctance to communicate, that ambivalence about making contact with the audience… Silence is the artist’s ultimate other-worldly gesture: by silence, he frees himself from servile bondage to the world, which appears as patron, client, consumer, antagonist, arbiter, and distorter of his work.”

Both of which i resonate with to whatever degree of my experience has been. This struggle of audience. And a certain withdrawal and dismissal and a sense of pursuit of something much larger than popularity or appreciation of peers. Which is questioned very starkly here by Sontag like a slap on the hand

“

Sontag recognizes that the gesture of silence in abdication from society is still “a highly social gesture.” She writes:

An exemplary decision of this sort can be made only after the artist has demonstrated that he possesses genius and exercised that genius authoritatively. Once he has surpassed his peers by the standards which he acknowledges, his pride has only one place left to go. For, to be a victim of the craving for silence is to be, in still a further sense, superior to everyone else. It suggests that the artist has had the wit to ask more questions than other people, and that he possesses stronger nerves and higher standards of excellence.”

Is that why i am still around. Hanging on nail and tooth. Because i havent proved myself in this world. That the way to Griffindor is through the corridors of Slytherine?

Ramana says, not necessary.

Kalari says, if necessary, come to the pit.

Eitherways, the presence and absence of a living fluid core makes a difference to the experience and perception of reality and the energy to keep observing past its frames. So i show up the pit everyday. One way or the other.

#kalaripayattu #ramana maharishi #tensigrity #theatre

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pokefanbri · 4 years

Text

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to ��. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

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luisneer · 7 years

Text

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived.

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at [email protected]. Thank you

2016

morgantown has ~48 vape shops

**morgantown has ~480 vape shops

siri has werner herzog-like inflections

considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

think i remember ~5% of things i said today

imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

in winchester, VA

thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

experiencing difficulty trying to smile

enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

i dont like videos

i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

huge power outage at shepherd lol

realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

'camcorder' would be a good band name

i thought arnold palmer had already died

willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

i want to stop being mean

i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

tangled up in myself and others

twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

eating shark

thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

i miss being in therapy

i love carpet

i love carpet !!

just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

mood lately very fragile

this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

fuck, im feeling so much terror

gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

what if old people have secrets

my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

i feel guilty in general

thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

im close friends with satan rn

feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

finger

desk

coffee cup exterior

pajama pants

knee

carpet

chin

phone

shirt

shoe

thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

feeling shorter, broader

the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

i like citing things in MLA

i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

doesnt seem to be getting later

lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

crazy how things get worse

there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

the sunlight is obscene

im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

yr = your ur = you're

my favorite things are pdfs

now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

i hear him but i never see him

i love latte art, i drink many lattes

thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

i prefer EPs

felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

the internet isn't big enough

usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

"uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

i'm sad

my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

was luis neer in odd future

thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

how does anyone do it

in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

everyone in the world is high except me

feel like i want to have poems published immediately

having delusions of grandeur

im sitting on my record player

my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

my nose feels like it's going to bleed

im sad because every bf looks like me

getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

the internet is too freaky...

i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

im watching the angry birds movie

the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

ive never had a new years kiss

2017

im weird

eating medicinal ice cream

im not going to do any drugs in 2017

made a medicinal phone call

i want to drink some blood

i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

years dont kill people

feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

i've felt stoned since i was a baby

downloading google earth

made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

experiencing cognitive dissonance

used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

mediocore

beyonce is cool i think

i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

remembered that i own a pinata

i will be at awp

how could i make twitter a better place

i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

im dumber than me

reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

eating chicken and squash

i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

terrified of being cool

walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

i have 5 twitters

i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

why doesnt anyone blog about me

thesis statements arent real

thinking about my book

i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

sad about my tumblr

my name is all over the internet

im a lizard

someday there'll be no more ppl

a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

idk how to use venmo or what it is

present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

on tumblr i have 4 followers

almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

ground control to commander venus

i like my new tumblr

i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

is everything ok

i look like michael moore

#words

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sweetlifetownsville · 6 years

Text

The Massive Difference Between 'Buy Local' And 'Local Buy' ... How Mayor Mullet Has Played The Townsville Business Community For Mugs.

Jenny Hill has traded on a trick of language to fool Townsville into thinking she is a champion for local workers and business, when the exact opposite is the case. It all revolves around the Local Government Association of Queenslands business arm called Local Buy and it is a deliberate play on words to line the coffers of the LGAQ. As The Pie reports, this one looks murky indeed. Also, the Townsville Bulletin goes beyond beyond parody, with one of their biggest side-splitting bungles yet and overall, it was a week you couldnt make up unless of course, youre the Bulletin. And is rebel councillor Paul The Angry Ant Jacob shaping up to take on The Mullet well, he may well have delusions of popularity and adequacy for a tilt in 2020 but there will be one powerful group that will try to block him. Also, the funniest comment on a news story this week comes from the most unlikely place and by popular demand, our regular pictorial gallery from Trumpistan. But first The shared thought-fart of the week belongs to One Notions P Hanson and the Katteronics R Katter. No sooner had Hanson quavered tremulously over the radio that people on the dole should be put to work catching cane toads at ten cents a pop, than Katter jumped on this creaky bandwagon and and upped the ante.

Bob Katter (right). Columnist James Jeffrey once wrote the Bob uses words like a cliff in Norway uses lemmings, and during the week, the member for Kennedy obliged with proof when he gurgled, giggled, sneered and croaked out his proposal that kids should catch the toads for 40 cents a time and be armed with air rifles to get the job done. It all makes one think that both Hanson and Katter are still smarting from their latest rejection letters from The Mensa Society, but the ever-practical Bentley thinks no matter how the creatures are caught, there might be a bit of a flaw in the idea.

Gosh, kids could be recruited under the banner of The Toady Army oh, hang on, maybe not, Townsville City councillors might sue for copyright. Is The LGAQs Nice Little Earner LOCAL BUY Costing Townsville A Motza? Some well credentialed business folks around town at increasingly frustrated with the little-understood Queensland Local Government Associations business arm Buy Local. And on the face of what two well-placed identities have told The Pie, the whole set-up looks ripe for rorts of all sorts, even progressing to very serious corruption unless proper transparency is in place. First this landed in the Nests inbox from a respected and successful Townsville businessman. Just wanted to highlighta program that shows that Mayor Mullet cannot only stuff Townsville as Mayor, she is also doing it as a Director of LGAQ against local businesses who payrent/rates and employ people.Townsville City Council is among those Queensland Local Councils using LGAQ Local Buy to avoid going to tender locally, allowing them toappoint out of town contractors with the LGAQ taking a cut (understood to be 10% of any contract, which of course is just added on to what the cost would otherwise be). Townsville businesses who were previously and successfully supplying services to Council have lost out under this scheme with many being forced to the business and had to put off staff. Any complaints about the dire situation made to Richard The Screaming Midget Beckett (no longer with the council met with threats that they would be locked out of any Council tenders in the future all under the culture from the Impailer and Mayor Mullet . To be an approved Local buy supplier you have to apply and I think pay an amount to be approved and there is a period of 5 years in which other similar other local businesses cant even apply. Momentum for change must be building as this excerpt from a letter from Local Government Minister Stirling Hinchcliffe indicates, after he received a petition complaining about the situation.

Also, has anyone questioned the $400k yearly service agreement between T.C.C . and the LGAQ and does the Mullet disclose her Directors fees from LGAQ ? As a LGAQ director, Jenny Hill, pops into her purse $31,000 p.a ta very muchly. Under the circumstances, that could be seen as blood money, since she must know the hardship this state-wide legalised rort is costing Townsvilles well-being. The Nest has received a number of complaints about Local Buy, but until this week, The Pie didnt have a coherent idea of what was happening so to get an independent assessment, The Magpie asked a business professional well versed in both business and LG matters to give this over-view. Given the current climate of spite and uncertainty, the person asked to remain anonymous. Local Buy is flawed in many aspects, even if one were to concede that its creation was well intentioned.Lets give them the benefit of the doubt to start with procurement can be complex and costly. Good procurement practice (eg. due diligence, evaluation requiring technical expertise etc) could be provided as a shared service, so that smaller organisations can in effect benefit from the capabilities of a larger organisation able to hire the appropriately skilled personnel. Theres also the prospect of negotiating better aggregate rates on the basis of aggregated volume. Thats the theory. The reality is that it is nowhere near this. Im not sure about the 5-year protection racket claim, but I do know that getting on the list involves not much more than paying some fees and ticking some boxes. This means a local council is more or less free to then pick and choose from the list, subject to the requirements of the LG Act. Magpie note: This means that the TCC can choose from a list based solely on price, which often means true locals cannot compete. This raises a moral question of whether it is more desirable to pay perhaps a bit more locally and materially contribute to a more vibrant local economy than to simply save some money because outside organisations that make no real contributions to our city. And it is this part of the system that is clearly open to corrupt influences. The Pie knows of none, but its an open invitation to it. Local Buy of course takes a Commission, from memory 10%, from registered suppliers when they win work, so in the end the potential benefits of savings arent materialised. Suppliers actually add the commission in. Theres also real doubt as to whether the Local Buy organisation actually has any real procurement capability. As a result, the tendency is for increasingly standardised or vanilla offerings, because thats the nature of generalised procedures run by people with limited specialisation and knowledge of local requirements or specialist areas eg, technology. Local Buy is a misnomer, of course. It neither compels nor guarantees procurement by a local authority from suppliers located within this authoritys area. Having said that, what goes to constituting local is never actually an easy question to answer, which makes a mockery of the entire buy local trope. One other thing on the Local Buy (and council procurement in general): theres a category called standing offer arrangement. This is basically a set of approved rates for services / products that a council can basically go back to time after time, without going out to tender. In theory, not a bad thing for pencils, paper clips and such like but as is always the case in procurement easily abused or at the very least, mis-used. The Magpie thanks the author for that succinct summary. It would certainly appear that we are being dudded one way or the other, but two things raise the Magpies curiosity: what do we get for our $400k annual contribution to the LGAQ? And noted in hindsight, just as this Local Buy system was being introduced, Mayor Mullet started dropping in the odd buy local slogan the timing appears to havde been there to fool people when they started hearing about local buy. Low level chicanery at its worst, spread about at the very time it now appears the council Jenny Hill heads was doing exactly the opposite. For Jenny Hill to trumpet the buy local cry is the height of hypocrisy, anyway. One of the very first acts she did when first elected mayor was to buy her new mayoral car (a top of the line Holden at around $70-$80,000) IN BRISBANE AND STIFFED THE RATEPAYERS TO HAVE IT SHIPPED HERE. And why was this? Because she had had a previous fight with Tony Ireland of TI Holden about repairs her previous vehicle, which she had mildly pranged into a gutter _ Ireland point blank refused her request to illegally mark it down as an accident insurance claim, which it clearly wasnt. Even although the Ireland company agreed to match the Brisbane price, Jenny Hill went ahead with the Brisbane deal anyway. Shes a sweet piece of work sometimes.

So if youre ever thinking if its true that local business people are fearful of spiteful retribution if they disagree with this civic leader, just keep that in mind. And Heres An Interesting Thought Wonder if Local Buy had anything to do with the controversial choice of pipe for the new Burdekin line, and did Local Buytb have anything to do with the pipeline jobs that went to Adelaide in stead of the promised boon to Townsville? Just askin. ya know. Yes The Astonisher Has Gone Beyond Parody The satirists lot is not a happy one lately. I mean, how do you make fun of something like the Bulletin that is so unintentionally crazy-funny to start with? Is this a secret plot to spike The Magpies guns? Last Tuesday, this appeared on page 16 as the editorial page of the Townsville Bulletin.

This is a stupendous blunder in a Townsville publication, that through their typical technical ineptness, the hard copy paper had published THE CAIRNS POST EDITORIAL PAGE the community voice (supposedly) of any newspaper. The editorial was of bugger all interest here, as well as being pretty stupid, anyway. It even had the Cairns deputy iditor signing it under the Townsville Bulletin masthead.

There was a time when this bit of prize fuckwittery wouldve caused an uproar, given the sensitive feelings between the two cities, but it appears weve been bludgeoned into not caring about the Bulletin anyway. Honestly, if it were not for the circle-jerk leadership of this city, the mayor and the head of Townsville Enterprise would be so incensed by this particular A community without a responsible newspaper is like a beautiful woman with only one eye (apologies to Brillat-Savarin). But still the harmless laughs kept coming. There was this story

which included this quote from one of the ladies of the night about southern blow-in blow-job competition on the streets: Theres false advertising, they send out a photo of a really hot looking chick and when they get there its some frumpy number. The girls have had a gutful of it This has been brewing for ages. Yknow, Thd Magpie thinks the lady might have a point. What sort of deceptive, conniving, immoral low-life would stoop to such trickery. Bet it would never happen in the Townsville Bulletin, would it? Huh, what? oh, oops.

But even when credibility-destroying cock-ups are right before their eyes, they still get into the paper. One should feel sorry for a decent old-time journo like Tony Raggatt, having his pic plastered between these clearly conflicting claims (the list clearly being nothing to with him).

But The Astonisher makes it easy to err take the piss.

This reeks of wreaking havoc on the language. Is The Angry Ant About To Up The Ante?

Paul Jacob Paul Jacob knows a cushy number when he sees one he is after all a Townsville City councillor. But it would seem our man is a tad more ambitious. The Ant broke ranks against Mayor Mullets Adani airstrip rort, conveniently just before he made an abortive run for state as a Labor-aligned but not endorsed candidate. Ever since, he has been regarded as a rebel ever since among the council sheeple and certainly by head shepherd Jennifer. So when he was front-paged in todays Astonisher

calling for an easing of water restrictions, many a pundit including The Pie, immediately assumed this was the signal for a Jacob joust for the top office in Walker Street. And that will be tricky. Unless Mayor Mullet abdicates and retires to malta, or runs on a Labor senate ticket her dearest wish but said not be shared by those who could make it so Clr Jacob will come under some intense pressure and even be flattered with promises of future glory by the Labor Party. Because despite her simpering shy denials of being a Labor mayor, Jenny Hill is, and is seen as, just that, and mainly by Labor itself. The party back room boys reckon mayor is as far as shes going, so they wouldnt rock what they see as a returnable vote boat in local government in March 2020. They know poor old Dolan Hayes will need Ashley and Martin soon with all the hair-tearing last thing the already beleaguered mayor needs is a Labor split ticket. But trust the Bulletin to come galumphing on to this particular scene with a few editorial bromides, but the best being this hilarious piece of total unselfawareness in an iditorial, which clearly is not Astonisher editorial policy.

Take your own advice, dearie. But Does The Pie Detect A Sly Dissension In The Senior Ranks At The Paper? Although The Pie doubts the feeling is mutual, he has great respect for the old-style work and values of John Ando Anderson he offers a very readable weekly service to the valuable rural readership of the paper, which clearly involves actual field work, and not just a few phone calls or, heaven forbid, lazy Facebook trolling. Now, Ando is nothing if not a steadfastly loyal News Ltd man; he has reason to be, the company spared no expense successfully defending him against spurious charge brought by the DPP over a jail interview almost 20 years ago. But The Pie couldnt help wonder if he wasnt trying to get a subtle message into the editors ear when writing today about Townsvilles landscape of words, waffle and impossible dreams.

Gotta love that line Pep talks are good for morale, but in the end, they start to sound like the boy crying wolf. And that, Ando, described PRECISELY the Bulletin editorial policy. very funny. Clever too, if The Pie is right. Pop in and have a chat to , will you? For all of us. Ghosts Of Iditors Past:Theres A Reason Hes Called Typo Gleeson

Typo Gleeson leaving an unsuccessful job interview as editor of Tailor & Cutter magazine. If you believe Sky Newss squeak fest hosted by Peter Typo Gleeson (sorry, only kidding) you might think David Crisafulli is returning to town for a special job and the head of TEL has changed her name.During the week, ww were treated too a hindenberg of hot air when Lil Patty OCallaghan and state opposition pollie Kid Crisafulli fielded a number of Dorothy Dixers from Typo. But one would think it was Typo in charge of the on-screen titling.

And when they got around to realising their mistake, in typical Typo fashion, they got that wrong too.

And Another Thing .. Best comment of the week goes to the bloke who replied to a totally embarrassing piece of nonesense in the paper about whether we are a friendly city. He suggested that of course we are we even wave to you from the roof of the Cleveland Detention Centre as you drive in from the airport. Luv it! Just what such a space-waste story deserved. Finally Its Been Another week of Wall-To-Wall umm .. Wall And we start with Mexico announcing the obvious

A Final Dad Joke (Well, Worked As A Granddad Joke)

Oh dear sorry. .. Thats it for another week, were off and running for 2019, its promising to be a cracker. There are a wider variety of folks taking to comments of late, keep it up, some are thoughtful, some hilarious, so entertain and be entertained. And if you have anything left over from the festive season, a donation to support The Magpies Nest will be of great assistance, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/the-massive-difference-between-buy-local-and-local-buy-how-mayor-mullet-has-played-the-townsville-business-community-for-mugs/

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dogsplayingpoker · 7 years

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movie review: star wars rogue one

-the fuck kind of bullshit was that

-jin and cassian were unlikable and jin’s acting was super awkward. also i thought this film was supposed to star an asian woman??is that some other star wars movie thats not out yet??anyways

-its better that they both died at the end. for the moment i thought they were gonna be the two that survived i was so fucking pissed

-that being said the plot was pretty..beat by beat. the most surpsing things were that those two didnt live and didnt kiss

-how do you expect people to care about the rest of the movies climax when you kill off all your good characters. especially when we know the rebels are going to get the information one way or another.

-the cgi of that one imperial dude and of leia looked like the polar express

-mads mikkelson was a plus though. his character again though is like interesting....and someone i would’ve rather had at the front of a story. i’d be insteresting the follow the guy hiding in plain sight and biding his time, slowly building up this huge sabotage. i would’ve loved to see his relationship with bodhi leading up to convincing him to defect and carry the message.

-chirut and his boyfriend that i do not know the name of because they only said it once and i couldnt make it out were really good and compelling characters. why weren’t they the main characters. wheres the pre-prequel about them. also though why were they in this movie....like yeah “they were there when shit got blown up so they would have died if they hadnt gone with them” but story-wise they were only vaguely explained and just kind of there.

-how was that one guy an ‘extremist’? whats an ‘extremist’ amoung the rebels. the rebels are already violent. you can’t tell me imperial women and children haven’t been killed by them. wtf did that guy do that makes him ““extreme”“

-also how tf does jin not give a shit about the rebellion if her family was literally torn apart by the empire and then she was raised by an “extremist” rebel? like um fine if he was so extreme she shouldve been at least conditioned through her childhood into sharing some of his beliefs right like. you wouldn’t be nuetral. you would care about the fight. they killed your mom and took your dad from you. cmon.

-my dad tried to argue cassian’s side through the whole thing but i honestly cant feel any sympathy for that character that guy is just a dick. like hes just a dick and i dont care

-i can’t take anyone seriously what they’re wearing those fucking helmets

-the creature supposedly makes bodhi ‘lose his mind’ in the beginning but all he needs is to be snapped out of it. like. why even have that line there. why even set that up. did you mean to cut it out? did you make a mistake?

-jin suddenly turns from Grissled Without A Personality “i dont care about this im switzerland ok” to giving inspirational speeches

-also i thought she was going to be a silent protagonist in the beginning because she was keeping quiet...i expected it to be a Thing like the trauma of her family getting fucked and being alone or emotionally alone for so long or something and tbh i was dissapointed when she started talking.

-if i see one more Desert Planet in a liscenced star wars product im sueing george lucas personally

-i thought the ‘he doesnt like you’ guy’s cameo was funny and good but the one later with c3po and r2 was a bit ham-fisted- overall idk like..i loved 4/6 of the main characters +mads a lot but i cant in good conscious say i liked that movie lol. i felt like it didnt wrong by its good characters and not because they died yknow just....ughghghghghgh. it wasnt very good

#Movie Review Blog

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incaseofjeon · 8 years

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hellooo i just finished reading lucky strike and i really like your writing!!! it's the second thing of yours i've read :) for some reason i can relate a lot to JK?? in his decision to run away i mean HAHA really interesting style too especially at the beginning, when i was starting to get into the plot. i look forward to reading your other stuff! :) a few questions though (and i'm sorry if this has been asked) but 1. what was jimin's power?? 2. what are your fav books? yay! thanks!! -c

omgg THANK YOU SO MUCH ;A; im so so so happy that you read that fic and enjoyed it ahhhhdhsfjds ;__; though ohh i wonder what the first of my fics you read was 👀? hahfbds

and im glad you found his character relatable ;;;; when writing it his story was also the one sort of closest to me personally? so im really glad that other people found him relatable too ahhfjddsj so jUST. thank you!!! thank you so much, for reading and for taking the time to tell me this T–T im really happyy

as for your questions! here ill put them under a read-more bc i just know im gonna get rambly omfgdf

ok so, jimin’s power - I’M ACTUALLY SO GLAD YOU ASKED, because it’s a part of the story that almost no one’s asked about even though it’s kind of a big deal for jimin. which is….jimin doesn’t have a power lmaO. almost everyone in that au has superpowers; its the norm to have one, but fic!jimin just..doesn’t. it’s something he’s probably felt odd about growing up; in his growing years he probably tended to feel like he had to work extra hard to be sort of special or noticed and stuff T-T that’s also part of the reason he originally was drawn to jeongguk in school after the dictionary incident - by that age he’d kind of started to guess that he wasn’t going to develop a power, since it’s really rare for it to develop any later than teenage years, and jeongguk was the first person he’d known to not like his own power ;; so to jimin it was kind of eye-opening to realise that the power he’d always been upset about not having could possibly bring harm as well as good ahjsbdsjhd..so yeAH!! im so so glad you asked this omdfd i feel like..im finally doing fic!jimin justice in telling his unwritten story T–T

and MY FAVOURITE BOOKS. omfg there’s so so many im just going to list as many as i can think of off the top of my head:

1. The Raw Shark Texts (by Steven Hall)

this one is one of my all time favourites, and a HUGE huge huge inspiration in writing that’s left an impact on me for a really long time ;; IT’S SO UNDERRATED but it’s super gripping and interesting and experimentally fresh, and has really well-written themes of like love and loss and unfaithful memories and losing memories and a lot of cool internal/mental things like that! the ending is super cool to me, too ;;; the writing style is like nothing ive ever really seen anywhere else and is just super compelling in the way the author selects and arranges certain simple words in un-simple ways? and there are many parts of this book that are ambiguous in what exactly happened; that’s exactly why i love it? idk i jsut - i get super super excited about this book pleasE READ IT

2. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake (by Aimee Bender)

actually, i have loved about every single thing by aimee bender that i’ve read, but this is the only novel of hers ive read so far so i’ll go with that hjsbdjhsf…her short story collections are super lovely too, some of my favourite short stories by her are Job’s Jobs, Appleless, Death Watch, Motherfucker, I Will Pick Out Your Ribs (from My Teeth), and Faces. Aimee Bender is really one of my favourite authors ever, she has a really distinctive style and flavour thats creative and poetic and charmingly matter-of-fact all at once, that makes the most mundane stuff seem magical and the most magical stuff seem mundane. like. idk. IM REALLY IN LOVE with her writing ;;;;; ahdsbfjhbfds please check her out if you can!!!

3. A Wrinkle in Time & its sequels (by Madeleine L’Engle)

this whole series is just..really lovely in its ideas and hopeful and really gave me a huge sense of wonder the first time i read it? and there are some scenes in it that were just so beautifully magical (even though it’s actually sci-fi) and moving that i’ve never forgotten them to this day ;___; even though i first read it when i was 11 lmaO. but really, this is so soso osos o lovely idk if youve ever read it but i hope you have/get to read it some day abfdf

4. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

jhasgfjhs kate dicamillo is another of my all time favourite writers, i grew up hunting library shelves for her name lmao her writing is just..really beautiful in its ideology and style? there’s something very pure and innocent and whimsical and so so poetic about the things she writes and the way she tells stories, i always tend to read her stuff in one sitting bc it’s just so hard to stop ;;; i love her work so so much

5. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

i actually…can’t remember the exact story of this anymore BUT I DO remember that when i read it, i was completely blown away by the power of the writing style? bradbury’s writing is just…really distinctive in a heavier kind of way? like it’s poetic but kind of grips you around the heart idK im not sure how to explain it. i’m always stunned at the way he chooses his words and crafted his world in this book ajhsfbjd i love it sooo much ;;; i want to reread soon sdhfds

6. The Monstrumologist series (by Rick Yancey)

THIS ONE IS SO UNDERRATED i love it omg..it’s more gory and dark than most the things ive mentioned but the gore never feels like..needless? idk. i just love it so much and the kinds of ideas like the blurring of lines between man and monster, as well as the changing relationships of growing up - the book series just handles that so so well and with a really exciting gripping plot too ahdgsd i love it i love iiit. my fav book in the series is probably the lsle of Blood; there’s a line in there about a plate that haunTS ME ALWAYS

7. Skellig and Kit’s Wilderness by David Almond

david almond is another writer i grew up reading ahhHH it’s honestly been too long for me to exactly remember what i loved about these 2 books - BUT I LOVE THEM

8. The Seas by Samantha Hunt

i actually am reading this book literally right now, so i havent reached the ending and im not sure if ill still love it as much as i currently do by that point, but so far i definitely am loving it SO much!! the writing and metaphors and characterisation are so damn beautiful and interesting and the writer has a lovely flow and really fresh way of arranging words and delivering ideas ;; it’s just really prettily and freshly and creatively written ;A; plus, i have this…Thing for the ocean so i love that a central part of this book is about the sea ahhH

9. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

I WISH I HAD MORE HARUKI MURAKAMI THINGS TO TALK ABOUT but this is the only of his books ive found so far - and I LOVE IT TO DEATH. i actually read norwegian wood and the particular sadness of lemon cake in the time period when i wrote my latest fic (thought you knew) and they really ;;; damn, a double whammy of inspiration omfg. norwegian wood is just…really really interesting and deep and real without being too heavy-hearted in the way it talks about things like relationships, devotion, alienation and loss? idk, it’s just- i love it so so so much, especially the ending paragraph ahhhh

10. Cathedral and A Small, Good Thing (by Raymond Carver)

THESE ARE TECHNICALLY SHORT STORIES, not books. but i just love them so much i have to mention them ;;; i honestly love raymond carver and his way of writing a lot, he just..he says so much with so little? he’s a huge inspiration i look up to like crazy especially when it comes to crafting dialogue ahhh. i also really love his poem Hummingbird!

11. The Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino

idek where to start with this one..THE PLOT IS JUST. FUCKING BRILLIANT and it’s a really interesting take on the idea of devotion, especially devotion to..um..unhealthy kinds of levels? idk. it’s just….so well thought through and super cool i was Mind Blown™ when i read it kasjndskdf

12. Bunker 10 by J.A. Henderson

this is another one in team BLEW MY FUCKIGN MIND ahhh ;; i read it super super long ago but the plot is so so good? it’s the kind that’s a bit confusing at first, but then everything gets revealed and i’m completely shook and eye-opened and want to read it again with the new knowledge, you know what i mean? just- i cant remember what the writing style was like but the PLOT and setting was soo so so cool T—T

and that’s…all i can think of at the moment ajhbfjsdhf IM SORRY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT EXPECT ME TO BE SO EXTRA AS TO GIVE SUCH A LONG ASS REPLY but im just…..very very very passionate and invested in the books i love, ok. im so. akjsfbjhdsf

anyway yeah!! thank you so soso soso SO much for reading my writing and liking it and making the effort to let me know ;;;; im really so happy reading and replying to your message, it means so much to me T-T i hope you have a great great day ilY anon c!!!

#i will tag this as #anon c #anon angels #happy camper #fic asks #lucky strike asks #case logs #books

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zenosanalytic · 5 years

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HoXPoX Liveblog: House of X #5

And Now HoX#5! Here Is The Link

On to House of X #5! The cover's a Savage Land variant with a, to me, too skinny Rogue, though as always her Gloves and Boots are On Point. Emma Frost's also there, looking bored/annoyed, sitting on the head of an Apatosaurus

Opening X Quote Summarized: Mutants were never given a chance, unlike them(humans presumably but we'll see given the trinary organization of man/machine/mutant[the consonance compels me to use a plural noun I dislikeX|])

Mag's summation of the switch to agriculture is a bit rose-colored; in most cases it was also associated with the explosive growth of disease, slavery, war, exploitation, gender stratification, so much else. Also misleading: society has ALWAYS existed...

...at BEST you can draw a direct line btw ag and cities, but even there it's iffy, given new archaeology suggesting some early, pre-agricultural ritual-site-settlements. Of course he's propagandizing, and Mags rarely says anything that without it serves a purpose.

The quote, as always, seems to be the theme. Mags is talking abt a new gen of mutants not defined by being hunted but by social life/"civilization"(again these arent exclusive) Im thinking this might be a bit New Mutant focused we'll see.

(oh yeah lots of golds and greens on those pages, so Beginnings/safety again) Ok the eggs WERENT something Krakoa did: they're the product of 5 combined mutant powers! They're Quick-Clone Eggs!! Neat!!! I was hoping to see some powers-derived technology.

Puts a different spin on the opening scene of HoX#1, though; kinda lame to give Xavier visual credit for the work of other mutants, even if it was done to preserve the reveal. They're the one's being "godly" here, not him.

ah ok cool, so Xavier uses Cerebro to copy their minds, then transfers them back into their bodies! HAHA; it really is a reverse of the Machine's concept of Ascension; technology and biological quirk used to preserve&resurrect individuality, rather than subsume it in "perfection"

Philosophically I really love this, as it's in so many way the OPPOSITE of the Platonic Idealism of their enemies(The Sents, The Genetic Puritans). The Mind/Spirit to be preserved is NOT the Perfect Pure One but the Unique Individual...

...and it's not done through the working of One Great Spirit or Machine, but through the Uniqueness of individuals working in Concert. They dont even reject a place for machines given Cerebro's role&Xavier's Cybernetic contribution. Its Full Luxury Mutant Cyborg Socialist Utopia!

and THAT'S just the introduction! The scene continues after the credit-page: Storm is giving a speech and there's some cool symbolism; the sun shining through the pale lavender leaves of the tree-entrance to the resurrection chamber beneath a green sky...

...A new beginning, knowledge/power/safety, out of death/endings, a a cycle of death broken by a new cycle of death and returned-life.

In, again, a refashioned echo of the X3 Phalanx scene, where the elder tested Phalanx to see if their knowledge was preserved to see if they were, Storm "tests" the resurrected, asking them personal questions...

...But there the preservation was judge only the individual & faith, here the Preserved speaks for itself; is judged by public witness of their words by those who know and love them best and acclaimed alive again by all. Here is Proof not Belief. Here is Validation not Doubt.

THEYRE GONNA FUCKING RESURRECT THEM ALL HELL YES!!! I love this not only out of a love for the Mutant backlog, but also for how this works on a meta-level: this is declaring Dawn of X, the larger Marvel project, to be an Undoing of Decimation and...

...in discourse with HoX 4, critiquing both Genoa, Decimation, and the corporate impulses behind them(ie, killing lots of mutant to "rationalize" the canon and for shock value) by treating them seriously as in-world traumas.

Nightcrawler is SO SHORT! I LOVE HIM!! Also everyone's touching their naked bodies so correction: Full Luxury Mutant Cyborg Socialist POLYAMOROUS Utopia uvu uvu uvu

and some Infopages recapping how the Resurrection works just to be clear about it(and suggest some interesting possibilities)

Cut to the UN, Xavier and Emma talking about the, Successful, Vote. Frost seems to have Compelled the Russian ambassador to abstain against her government's orders. This is followed by an infopage detailing nations that have rejected Krakoan treaties; Wakanda's a Big one

I wonder if they're going to touch on that in the next few books or if that's something they left for the Dawn of X series. Storm's got a long, friendly history with Wakanda(I think?) and I've never heard of Black Panther being hostile to mutants :?

Cut back to Krakoa; Apoc and his allied mutants are arriving(Marrows with them; I thought she was an XMen? Looking it up it seems there was a vers where the Morlocks were victims of Sinister's experimentation in Apoc's name).

Building on that, Sinister was with Apoc's group. They have a long association but he was behind the "database" for the Ressurection protocol, so I wonder why he's showing up here? Is this just the arrival of "generic mutant villains"?

Final page is a splash of Xavier and Apoc shaking hands in welcome Xavier saying "Welcome Home". The sun is in the top left corner shining down through the trees in oranges and light purples. The fuschia "eyes" of Krakoa look on from the right. Apocs smiling abt as much as he can

There's something interesting to talk about here. Apoc identifies Krakoa as mutants "finally becoming what he always intended them to be", again this suggestion, present from the start, that Krakoa involves taking on a possibly corrupting nationalism&supremacism.

The dangers of those ideologies are obvs, but the context of the comics, where mutants have mostly been wiped out by repeated atrocities non-mutant humans refuse to prevent or help in stopping, & Moira's xp, I think explains why this would seem worth risking.

I do still feel like there's a deception going on here though. It cant be missed that Moira's Sixth life is hidden in the timeline charts, and that HoXPoX ends with their Sixth issues, and there's still the question of why X3 is included if its a "failed" tl.

Three issues left! I'll try to finish this up tomorrow. So far I've been liking it though I was expecting something a bit meatier from the reactions to it online.

#X Men #Hickman et al #Marvel #HoxPox #House of X 5 #House of X #HoXPoX Liveblog #zA Liveblogs

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crazydiscostu · 6 years

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It’s got it all! This film literally has a character break the 4th wall (with a boat)! The Truman Show has not only been nominated for countless awards in its time but it has won countless more. We take a look at what makes this Jim Carrey outing so enduring after all these years and why it is so difficult to corner into any one genre of film.

This film can be defined as Science Fiction, Comedy, Satire, Concept or Drama, but more accurately the film is a blend of all of these genre elements. Everyone and their dog agrees the film is a giant metaphor but no-one can seem to agree on what that metaphor is. Lets get the more obvious symbolism and observations out of the way first : There’s the Christof (of Christ) / Truman (true man) dynamic between what is essentially creator and creation. The themes of Moses and the book of Exodus. But the most prevalent themes come from Plato’s ‘Allegory of the cave’, an interplay where :

“Plato has Socrates describe a group of people who have lived chained to the wall of a cave all of their lives, facing a blank wall. The people watch shadows projected on the wall from objects passing in front of a fire behind them, and give names to these shadows. The shadows are the prisoners’ reality. Socrates explains how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall are not reality at all, for he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the manufactured reality that is the shadows seen by the prisoners. The inmates of this place do not even desire to leave their prison, for they know no better life. The prisoners manage to break their bonds one day, and discover that their reality was not what they thought it was. They discovered the sun, which Plato uses as an analogy for the fire that man cannot see behind. Like the fire that cast light on the walls of the cave, the human condition is forever bound to the impressions that are received through the senses. Even if these interpretations (or, in Kantian terminology, intuitions) are an absurd misrepresentation of reality, we cannot somehow break free from the bonds of our human condition—we cannot free ourselves from phenomenal state just as the prisoners could not free themselves from their chains. If, however, we were to miraculously escape our bondage, we would find a world that we could not understand—the sun is incomprehensible for someone who has never seen it. In other words, we would encounter another “realm”, a place incomprehensible because, theoretically, it is the source of a higher reality than the one we have always known; it is the realm of pure Form, pure fact.” – ‘Allegory of the cave’, Wikipedia

This idea was also promoted heavily in the Matrix. After all this is a story about control.

“We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented”

Moving on – Flat Earthers point to the symbolism of a presented idea, a giant dome which is not as it seems…. I’m not going to get too bogged down in that one given that the Flat Earth movement was started on 4Chan….

But speaking of paranoia – while researching the film I came across a few articles commenting on how the film echoes our current online privacy and data concerns (outlined in a previous post). However I feel that line of thinking is ill conceived : We elect to share our information, doing so without comprehension whereas Truman literally had no choice. He was born into his world was denied privacy from the start. Presumably those articles were attempting to draw comparison to Jim Carrey dumping his Facebook stock and calling out data mining? Who knows.

Soundtrack-wise the themes are emotive and engaging. Burkhard Dallwitz and Philip Glass capture the mood with each scene and build from introspective piano melodies to crashing epic tension with ease. Check out ‘It’s a life‘ , ‘Dreaming of Fiji‘ , ‘Reunion‘ and ‘Truman sleeps‘ specifically. The strings are vibrant and never overstep the mark, driving the scene in some areas and guiding it gently in others.

Jim Carrey filmed this at the height of his career but up until then was only really known for his comedic roles. Despite filming taking place earlier and delays with the studio over the films release, Carrey already had a number of successful box office films (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) The Mask (1994) Dumb and Dumber (1994) Batman Forever (1995) Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) The Cable Guy (1996) Liar Liar (1997)) under his belt. Some more successful than others obviously but this marks his first real acting job as far as I’m concerned. He has range here that we had previously never seen before. It demonstrates his first performance outside of the goofball character.

It’s worth noting that a similar project came out after The Truman Show – EDTV was another concept film which saw Matthew McConaughey (also starring Ellen, Woody from Cheers and Chandlers fruit-dehydrating roomate) elect to become a reality television star (with hilarious consequences ugh). A bit of a flop, EDTV’s saving grace was it’s ability to portray the “everyman”. They showed the effects of having the cameras intrude on the life of an aware Joe Bloggs character. The protagonist being a bit of a slob (and not too bright) made it easy for the writers to put him into that situation and act boisterous in an effort to escape. With Truman there was a child-like naivety that made him the hero of the film. His schtick was an innocence that made the audience root for him.

The deleted scenes allude to deeper plot threads and character traits. There is a scene where it could be theorised that the network were drugging Truman with “vitamins”. A scene outlining a studio plot for Truman to have an affair, a son and his inevitable death (prematurely or otherwise). In this scene they discuss Truman’s son and the continuation of the show which is an interesting concept in itself. In another scene we see that when Truman steps onto the boat – he knows completely that everyone in Seahaven is in on the conspiracy. He appears disguised as a member of his own search party and makes his way to the docks. Once he knows the truth there is no turning back for his character. Obviously this scenes omission from the theatrical cut makes for a more compelling story if Truman still has doubts as to the level and intricacies of the conspiracy by this stage.

I truly feel like Andrew Niccol doesn’t get enough credit for the world-building at play. Every character not only has a backstory within Truman’s world, but so does the actors that play them (within the confines of the world outside Seahaven). I admire this level of detail (seen more recently in the gaming world with the likes of Red Dead Redemption 2 – where the NPC’s have lives and jobs and a scheduled day independent of the protagonists actions). We can also see the sophistication of the camera technology grow as Truman gets older in the more “clip driven” portions of the film.

The filming is in itself fascinating. At the beginning of the film shots of Truman appear largely in fish eye, iris and point-of-view to demonstrate the perspective of the hidden cameras. As Truman discovers his world these devices are used less, subtly taking the audience out of this world alongside Truman (to a certain extent). The shift is subtle but wholly impactful. Even camera angles throughout the film make it look like filming is being conducted from hidden locations within the scenery.

As solid as the world-building of the film is, there are still some concerns about the ending : what happened when Truman went through the door? Did it lead into a backstage area or some sort of maintenance corridor? Echoing back to the religious symbolism, Christof addresses Truman from the heavens with a booming voice and Truman turns his back on the creator. As symbolic as his exit is in the film, Truman is still within Christof’s control (at least until he makes it outside of the secure studio/dome facility). And then there’s the legal ramifications of his departure. The studio presumably have a legal obligation to his care and well-being. We assume that Sylvia comes to meet Truman leaving the studio but we have no idea how difficult it would be for him to leave the compound property.

Christof and the network can’t have been too happy about Truman’s departure – Would they seek to smear him using footage of grabbing his wife Meryl with the blade? What are the copyright and consent limitations? Then there’s the serious mental toll of living a lie : breakdowns and trust issues, lack of anonymity. We only see glimpses of the world outside of Seahaven and even then it is only of the audience themselves. What kind of world could Truman potentially be walking into?

Calm down, Stu. It’s only a film?

The Truman Show is heartfelt and sincere. It is all of these genre specific elements, religious analogies and psychoanalytical commentaries rolled neatly into the DNA of what is a solid concept film (which ironically would work well as a television series). It asks fascinating questions about identity and privacy. For that reason I feel it will be remembered fondly for years to come. A time capsule if you will. A snapshot of a time before mass surveillance and reality television.

“In case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight”

https://crazydiscostu.wordpress.com/

When Truman leaves : ‘The Truman Show’ (1998) It's got it all! This film literally has a character break the 4th wall (with a boat)!

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