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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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spookyc · 3 years

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*spoilers for heathers the musical and danganronpa 2 goodbye despair*

*tw for mentions of death and suicide*

Okay so I know it's been a minute since I've posted anything substantial so here's this:

I've got an heather's au for dr 2 that id like to share. Its not a completely fleshed out one but I have a good idea of most of the main characters in the story. So the easy choice would just be to make hajime, veronica, and make nagito, JD. Especially nagito for jd with the whole, well, bomb thing as well as them both being mentally unstable and having rough childhoods. Hajime fits the role of veronica because, like veronica, he wants to fit in and not be ostracized constantly. More specifically though, it would help him become confident, which is literally his whole arc in the second game. The heathers and the rest could then be determined by a lot of different characters and so on and so forth. I respect this interpretation and it does make a lot of sense, however, I would like to propose my own interpretation.

Let's start with the two main characters, veronica and jd. So for my au, I have decided that fuyuhiko will be veronica and peko will be jd. Let's start with my choice for jd. So, after my binge of the second game's playthrough, I remember that one night I was listening to heathers, specifically the song, our love is god. And as I listened I realized how similar peko and jd actually are. Now to preface, I'm not saying jd and peko are the same character, jd attempted to bomb an entire school and peko simply made the calculated decision to kill in order for fuyuhiko's safety to be assured.

What i am saying though, is that jd and peko's thought processes are very similar, and if peko was just a tad more unhinged, they would be hard to distinguish. How are they similar? Well, first you have the whole, "I worship you" mentality. Now, peko doesn't necessarily kiss the earth that fuyuhiko walks upon but this could be connected more to their actual relationship. That of a master and his servant. I servant must serve, much like a believer would to a god.

And right after that line jd says, "Id give my life for yours." Which peko literally does in the canon story, she gives her life in order to save fuyuhiko, and even protects him with her body in her own execution. Secondly, they both are delinquents, or socially awkward. They are both standoffish and seen as intimidating by others, and they both don't exactly know how to communicate well. Thirdly, they have somewhat similar backgrounds. Jd lost his mother, and peko is an orphan, they both know what its like to not live with parents, or at least not favorable parents. For example, peko had to constantly interfere with mr. and mrs. kuzuryu fighting to insure fuyuhiko's safety. And jd and his father have a tenuous relationship, with jd's father mostly being a near non-present force in his life. Additionally, im sure the leaders of a yakuza clan weren't exactly doting parents.

And lastly, their mutual feelings of self worth, or more so, the lack of it. Both jd and peko believe their lives to be meaningless without the existence of their veronicas. The only good things in their lives are their veronicas, and they would do anything to hold onto that happiness, even if it resulted in their deaths. But enough about jd and peko, what about fuyuhiko? This may seem like an odd choice and solely made on the prospect that jd is peko, but that isn't exactly the case.

While yes it seems unlikely that fuyuhiko would bother himself with the heathers, or even have a martha, i think it fits more as a visual metaphor of his character growth shown in the game. Its just that in this au, he's a popular dick that learns to be a better person after his gf dies, which is almost what happens in the actual game, minus the popular part. But mostly I'd like to tie in fuyuhiko's role as veronica when it comes to jd. This is where the similarities really start to shine. This is shown mainly in the song, seventeen, where veronica yearns for a normal relationship and to just be normal kids that aren't surrounded by murder. Sound familiar? Well it should, that's literally fuyuhiko's whole speech near the end of chapter 2.

I doubt this needs repeating since this scene is the equivalent of the g note in the dr fandom but for the sake of the argument I will go on. Fuyuhiko in his parting words says this, "You didn't need to be a tool, you just needed to be yourself." And, "I never wanted a tool, I just wanted you....Only you." Which is him saying, "Peko I don't what you to serve me, I don't want this kind of relationship. I just want you to be yourself, and I wanted you for you, not to be a tool for murder." Which could then easily be implied that he doesn't want to murder anyone anymore. This is a near exact mirror of the feelings expressed by veronica in seventeen.

Sure im probably looking into things a bit, but still fuyuhiko's speech near the end of ch. 2 and veronica's feelings in seventeen share a lot of similarities. Both veronica and fuyuhiko simply want to have a normal relationship with their respective partners, but this ultimately fails because their partners worshiped them and this fatal misunderstanding would lead to their deaths. As for the others, I don't have nearly as deep anlaysises of them and I don't have all the characters but I'll briefly discuss my choices for the heathers, kurt, ram, and martha. Also, this is purely in the universe of dr 2, so possible better choices for characters in other games would not be possible in my au.

So heather chandler is the ultimate imposter, this was a pretty obvious choice, while the UI isn't quite as big of a dick as byakuya he's still a jerk, but more importantly, just like in the game, he is a great leader for the heathers and without him the other two descend into chaos. Now this pick is gonna be a strange one but I will explain. I chose mikan to be heather duke. Now I know yall may find that to be an unfitting choice but I personally chose mikan to be heather duke mainly for the shine a light reprise. This is because I chose heather mcnamara to be hiyoko.

Most of the other girls also didn't fit this role, akane would be hard to see as any of heathers and I also think she's far too carefree to urge someone to commit suicide. Ibuki is completely out of the question, and considering how her death looked in the game it would be quite ironic as well. Chiaki also wouldn't make sense for obvious reasons. Mahiru also would obviously not make sense either and she's already a choice for another character anyway. And lastly, sonia wouldn't fit either. I could see her having a secret nasty side but I dont think she would tell someone to commit suicide and she also was always kind to hiyoko even when hiyoko lashed out at others.

And just to cover my bases, I don't think any of the boys would fit either. Maybe kazuichi or nagito but kazuichi is too much of a pussy and nagito would be more likely to say that stuff about himself rather than direct towards anyone else. Heck I could also even consider that after the ultimate imposter dies that's when mikan reverts back to her personality as the ultimate despair, so instead of her reverting because of some disease it would be at the death of her "friend" and the role of leader getting into her head. This would then influence her to tell hiyoko to commit suicide, causing peak despair and blah blah whatever. Hiyoko as heather mcnamara was a pretty easy choice thanks to lifeboat, it also especially fits if you consider hiyoko's backstory. She's the sole daughter of the saionji family, which is a very prestigious family in dr. This along with her talent as a dancer means that she is held to a much higher standard than other kids of her age and that she goes through constant pressure each day due to this standard.

"If I say the wrong thing, or i wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side." This is what hiyoko has to deal with on a daily basis from her family as well as her fans. She also could likely be projecting this fear onto the other students. Alright, last three. For kurt and ram, I chose mahiru and sato and if you want my honest opinion it's literally just because peko gets to kill them both in our love is god and that's pretty much canon in the actual game. I say pretty much because, technically fuyuhiko is the one that kills sato but this is an au and that's honestly a pretty minor fix.

Lastly, I haven't thought a lot about martha's role in this au, but if I had to choose it would most likely be kazuichi, he fits as the social outcast and especially as the frequent punching bag for the heathers, especially considering that hiyoko is among their ranks. And that's about it for my dr heather's au! This post definitely went on longer than I intended but I had fun with it and I think you guys deserve a lengthier post since I haven't made as many actual posts besides birthdays in a hot minute. Let me know what yall think of this, and if you'd like to hear me infodump about more of my dr aus or thoughts than I would be happy to oblige.

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pan-inc · 4 years

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SDR2 Boys +Chiaki Figuring Out Their S/O Is FtM

Blank (Aka Mod Rantaro) was working on part SDR2 and DRV3 of the boys when they have a crush on you, but she dislocated her wrist part way of writing them and insisted she finish them herself, so I decided to do some work and write this with some ideas from Blank since I’m not too good at making ideas ;;

I don’t think I was too specific on whether or not they’re FtM or MtF, so go ahead and change the pronouns if you need!

(I myself am not transgender and don’t know anyone who is, so I’m very sorry if I get some incorrect information on you guys) Non-Despair AU

Y/N- Your Name D/N- Dead Name

-Mod Chihiro

Spoilers under the cut

(Warning, there is a tiny bit of dead naming in this but not in a ‘them trying to be transphobic or rude’ way, just them not knowing your actual name yet.)

Hajime Hinata

Not even gonna hide it, I headcannon Hajime as FtM as well, so let’s just go with he hasn’t told you about how he’s trans either.

“YOU’RE TRANS?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED DATING D/N?!”

Him calling you by your now dead name made you flinch slightly, “I-Im sorry! I knew that you would be grossed out and stuff, so I-”

“Grossed out? Why the hell would I be grossed out by you being trans?”

“Y-You just got mad... Mad at me? And... A-And......” You are very confused, his mood switch from yelling to being concerned was a bit too much to deal with over the heart-pounding anxiety of coming out to him.

Your anxiety dies down a little and confusion rises through the roof once Hajime hugs you as tightly as he can, “I wasn’t mad at you being who you really are, I was just... A little upset that you didn’t trust me with this information earlier in our relationship, but I guess I have no room to talk.”

You hug him back while not processing the last part of his explanation, snuggling your face into his neck instead. “I also have something to tell you.” “Hm?”

“I’m also trans,,,,”

So after you two coming out to each other he takes a little bit to get used to your new name, and he promises to himself that he’ll buy you literally anything you need from The Store™ to feel comfortable once he gets a hang of your name.

If you feel ~dysphoria~ before then, he will not hesitate to let you borrow some of his baggier clothes and possibly even a binder if your body hates you enough.

Nagito Komeada

You wanted to talk to him about your transition, but he just started rambling on and on about hope. You were getting a little upset (so was Hajime, but a lot more than just a little upset.) but your anxiety about him not accepting you forced you to stay quiet and just let him ramble.

“God Nagito, if you’re not going to shut up for me at least do it to hear what D/N has to say.” Hajime snaps, shutting up Nagito.

“Y/N...” You whisper softly in an attempt to correct Hajime, but he doesn’t hear.

“Okay, what do you need D/N?” He seems slightly upset that Hajime interrupted his preaching, but lightened up when he started talking to you.

“Please call me Y/N!” You accidentally shout, quickly covering your mouth, “Sorry for yelling...”

Hajime, despite not knowing how to spell without help, clicked it in his brain what you were trying to say to Nagito, so he quickly excused himself and walks away.

“I’m sorry Y/N, what do you need?”

“I, uhm... You’re bisexual right? So, that means my transition won’t be too hard on you right?”

Nagito tilts his head to the side, but then quickly picks you up and hugs you.

“My wonderful Y/N is so amazing, don’t be filled with so much despair just because you want to come out to me!”

Honestly, what else would you expect. He’s insanely supportive of your transition and thinks of you as an even more special hope that he isn’t deserving of.

You might have to reassure him a bit more than you usually did, but it’s 100% worth it in the end.

Will totally lend you his jacket.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

To be honest, you came out to Peko before getting anywhere close to coming out to Fuyuhiko. You knew he loved you with all of his heart, but you were worried about if that would change if you transitioned.

Peko was really supportive, but she had let it slip a few times to Fuyuhiko.

Thank God Peko is smart enough to make a smooth recovery to make sure Fuyuhiko doesn’t find out before you’re comfortable with him knowing.

After a bit of encouraging and planning from Peko, you finally decided it was time to come out to him.

You walk up to Fuyuhiko, who was talking to Peko, and pull on his suit sleeve as gently as you could while still gaining his attention. “Huh? Yeah D/N?” “Can we talk about something?” You respond, trying to not sound too serious to try to not scare him.

Fuyuhiko looks at Peko, back at you, then back to Peko, as if asking for permission to leave the conversation.

“Go ahead Young Master. Our conversation can wait.” She smiles and walks away, leaving you panicking to yourself and a confused Fuyuhiko.

“U-Uhm... Does the Kuzuryu Clan support same sex relationships?”

“Huh? The hell? Why do you want to know that?”

“Because I am now the second leader of the Kuzuryu Clan, Y-Y/N! A-And now your.... Your b-boyfriend?”

“Well fuck, they better support gays and transgenders or they’re getting kicked out and fucking murdered.”

Peko smiles in strong Ally.

Kazuichi Soda

Big think.

Was he into guys? Before he got to know you, a gal (Sos if you aren’t), better he was enamored by Sonia, also a gal.

From what you know, he’s never liked any guys, so what if he wasn’t okay with dating you when you transitioned?

(Spoiler for later in this scenario, he’s bi-curious uvu)

You decided to come out to him using your knowledge that he taught you about making electronic stuff.

It was hard to hide that you were making something from him. but with a quick “I’m making a gift for you, you’re going to be so proud of me!” He (reluctantly) leaves you be to create whatever your creating.

After a long bit of working, you had finally finished.

Two little doll-like items (Kinda like Mini Maru) that looked like Kazuichi and the real you. The Mini Y/N was holding a trans flag and Mini Kazu had a blank flag that can be changed at a later time, and the two Minis had their arms intertwined.

“Kazu~! Look look, I’m done with my project!”

He turns and looks at your invention. “Oh, what is this D/N? Is that me? Who’s that?”

“It’s me and you of course!”

After a bit of his confusion, he understands and supports you greatly. Like a simp

Gundham Tanaka

After thinking about the pros and cons of every possible way to come out to G U N D H A M T A N A K A , you just decided to come out to him in a more straight-forward way after brainstorming with Sonia.

You run up behind the slightly embarrassed G U N D H A M T A N A K A who was being complimented by Sonia and jump onto him, almost making him fall over onto poor Sonia. After giving her the signal she excuses herself and makes her escape.

After getting off G U N D H A M T A N A K A ‘s back and calming him down from his extremely blushy state, you start panicking over what to do again.

‘What if he doesn’t like me because I’m a guy? What if he’s transphobic? Love isn’t the purpose of life, but he’s been such a huge part of me that I don’t even know how I’d be if he was gone. You’d be so lost without him-’

“Fallen Angel, are you alright? My skin didn’t poison you, did it?” He asks, obvious concern in his voice.

“Oh, no, it’s not that.” You take a deep breath, look up at him, and push your anxiety as far down as it can go.

“I-I don’t want to be your Queen a-anymore!”

“You... Don’t want to be my Queen?” There was a lot of pain in his voice and you realize what you said.

“T-That’s not what I meant! I want to be your Queen of the Underworld and Overworld, b-but I would...” You take a deep breath, “I would rather be your K-King!”

He pulls you into his arms and hugs you as tightly as he can, burying his face into your neck.

You hug him back, “Also, please call me Y/N.”

“Anything for my King. I will tell my Devas of this news so they do not make you uncomfortable.”

Sonia is very happy about the energy she has created in the studio today.

Nekomaru Nedai

I’m not very good at writing for Nekomaru so I’m gonna have to skip the coming out part, I’m very sorry if you wanted to read you coming out to him TvT

But anyways~

He isn’t the brightest light bulb, so he does his research.

If you wear chest binders he’ll panic quite a bit but after asking you and gaining more knowledge, he goes less hard on you when it comes to exercising.

Your binder is giving you troubles? Fucking take a break, take it off, B R E A T H E.

Oh, you want muscles to look more ‘manly’ like him? First, he will let you know that you don’t have to look ‘manly’ to be who you are. If you still insist then he will help with your want.

Teruteru Hanamura

Before you officially got together he would flirt with practically everyone no matter their gender, so you were pretty confident about him not leaving you because he’s ‘NoT gAy’. So uh

I’m horrible at writing him

So just know he’s supportive and doesn’t really mind that you transition.

Chiaki Nanami

“Hey Chiaki? Can I talk to you about something?” You walk into her room with your beautiful flag in your arms.

“Yes D/N?” Chiaki hums, not looking away from the screen of whatever she was playing.

You drape your flag over your arms and then wrap them around Chiaki’s neck in an attempt to hug her from behind, “Please call me Y/N.”

She looks over at the flag and after a bit of the wheels in her brain turning, it clicks in her brain what you mean. “Okay. Is there anything else you need, Y/N?” You smile at your names coming from her and sit next to her properly and nuzzle into her hair while using your flag as a blanket, “Just your support.”

She smiles softly, “You already have that bunny, you should know that already. Also, tell me if my nicknames make you feel uncomfortable.”

Very supportive, will get into the head of anyone who says anything mean to you about you being transgender.

But besides that she doesn’t really make a big deal of you being trans. A gud gorl.

Ultimate Imposter

He’s someone who can and will be the impostor of anyone no matter their gender (’Cuz that’s his whole ultimate) So he absolutely wouldn’t judge you for changing genders, right?

So I’ve rewritten this like 4 times, even with the help of Mod Rantaro, and neither of us know his personality very well so sorry about this.

Either way, he’d be very supportive and buy you everything you need to feel comfortable in your body.

Izuru Kamakura

Hm.

Oh, you’re trans?

Oh cool.

So who are we giving despair to today?

#SDR2 #headcanons #danganronpa headcanons #DR2 Boys #Hajime Hinata #nagito komaeda #Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu #Kazuichi Soda #Gundham Tanaka #Nekomaru Nedai #Teruteru Hanamura #Chiaki Nanami #transimagines #trans coming out #Ultimate Imposter #Izuru Kamakura

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shes-ddreaming · 4 years

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the eyes that lost you ➸ lee donghyuck

✧ destination ↬ best friends to lovers + fluff, angst,,, all that jazz yak

✧ a party of two for ↬ lee donghyuck x reader

✧ duration of flight ↬ 2.5k

✧ in stereo ↬ exo - what if

✧ in which your best friend donghyuck decides to pretend to be someone else’s boyfriend, leaving you to confront the only thing you’ve been avoiding your whole life—your feelings for him.

donghyuck had confessed to you a long time ago. and if you only knew that you’d be hurting like this now, you would’ve said yes to him in a heartbeat. but you didn’t; you had decided that your friendship was more important than anything, rejecting your best friend’s confession.

he took your rejection lightly, telling you that your friendship was just as important to him as it was to you. “look, y/n, i love you not because i had any intention of making you my girlfriend, but because... i love you for .. you. and if you’d much rather stay friends, then i’m all for it. i’ll be your best friend—whatever you want me to be, i’ll be.” he was sincere, and you appreciated that more than anything. you were more than grateful that donghyuck understood your reasoning behind the rejection.

and a day later, things went right back to normal, never a moment of awkwardness. he was still the same best friend you’ve had since you came out of the womb. it was as if his confession never happened.

and that’s all it took for you to make lee donghyuck your best friend for life. he was your constant, the one person in your life who has always stayed by your side. so many of your friends have come and gone, but donghyuck wasn’t one of them.

here you were, not even 3 years later, your eyes were on your best friend whose hair has grown a little longer from how it was when he confessed. he’s a lot taller now, standing a good 6 inches or so above you. it seems like a lot about him has changed, and his feelings for you were not an exception. but there was one thing that could never change, and that was you being his best friend.

the object of his lingering glances is no longer you, but it just had to be kang mina. you weren’t surprised—she was annoyingly pretty, smart, and funny. not only that, she happened to be the class president. donghyuck? vice president. everyone called them a match made in heaven. you hated how you felt when he was around her. you hated how your heart would fall every time you caught sight of him stealing glances at her. it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair to donghyuck. what right do you have to catch feelings for him when you let him suffer from his feelings for you for so long?

the guilt had eaten you up for a long time. you liked to believe that your suffering now was your way to repay the pain you caused donghyuck for liking you without any reciprocation all those years.

he always reminded you that he was alright with the way you two were, that you rejecting him didn’t hurt him as much as you thought it did, that he was glad you two were best friends. but it was hard to ignore his obvious feelings for you. you knew deep down that you were hurting him by staying friends, but he never complained. he quietly loved you until he developed feelings for someone else.

it was your turn to realize your feelings, only now it’s too late. you’re in love with your best friend but he’s in love with someone else.

however, it probably wouldn’t hurt as bad if he hadn’t been fake dating her. maybe then you wouldn’t see him in so much pain. you couldn’t bear to witness seeing him doing anything and everything for her when she doesn’t even feel the same way, just like he did for you.

“you’re a hypocrite,” mark says as you bore your heart and soul to him. these days, donghyuck sits with mina at lunch to continue to play the little charade they’ve been onto for weeks. mark lee has been your rock these past few months, always quietly listening to you and offering—what he would call—words of wisdom. you couldn’t count how many times you’ve gone to him to talk about your conflicting feelings about donghyuck. “be honest with me. is the fact that you’re no longer the object of lee donghyuck’s desire the driving force of what you think are your feelings for him?”

leave it to mark lee to be brutally honest with his stupid rhetorical questions. you sigh, putting your head down on the cafeteria table. you were a shitty person, a terrible, shitty person. you feel your lunch tray being moved away from your head. “do i have lettuce in my hair?” mark laughs at you, slapping your shoulder in the process.

“you did. but, i took it off of your hair, dumbass,” he softly pats your head like one would do to a crying toddler. “look, i’m sorry if that was a little mean. i hope i didn’t hurt your feelings or anything.”

“nah, it just got me thinking. do you think i’m projecting my desires of wanting a

boyfriend onto hyuck? or maybe i’m friend-jealous and i’m mistaking it for being in love with him?” you once again steal a glance at the boy who has been all over your thoughts lately and your heart disagreed. whatever these feelings were, they’re definitely not friend-jealousy or whatever mark had called it. you knew in your heart that you loved him.

“oh god i wanna die, i want to actually fucking die.”

mark has this amused look on his face as he helps you pack up once the bell rings for 4th period. “stop thinking about it for now, alright? we can get ice cream after school, it’s on me. i think i owe you.” he takes the textbook you were holding out of your hands and carries it for you, as he reaches his hand out for your backpack. you roll your eyes, taking it off and handing it to him. this was beginning to be a routine for you two whenever you’re sad. mark never lets you carry anything and always walked you to class.

“what did i do to deserve a mark lee?” you wonder out loud, followed by a kick to your shin from mark. you immediately took back what you said. “suddenly i don’t remember ever being friends with a kid named mark.” you hear his obnoxiously loud laugh and shake your head.

“shut up, loser!”

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: KDKDKD come heRE

[you questioned: “KDKDKD come heRE”]

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: STOP DOING THOSE REACTION THINGS AND REPLY FJDKDKDKD

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: PLEASE Y/N OH MY GOD

you: WHAT

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: pls come down to my floor rn i need sugar

you: what the fuck

[full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖 disliked “what the fuck”]

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: I PROMISE YOU’LL GET TO HAVE SOME OF THE COOKIES I BAKE

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: I RAN OUT OF SUGAR I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE 😔🙏🏽

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: I HAVE A COUNCIL MEETING IN LIKE 2 HOURS AND I NEED TO HAVE THE COOKIES DONE BY THEN

you: oh shit i just checked i dont have any sugar

[full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖 disliked “oh shit i just checked i dont have any sugar”]

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: god why didn’t apple give the people™ the option to disheart something

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: you had one job

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: ONE JOB

you: KDKSKSKS IM SORRY LMFAO

you: ALSO I DONT EVEN THINK DISHEART IS THE RIGHT TERM FOR IT

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: come to the grocery store w me 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

you: fine 😔

“hey, neighbor!” you hear donghyuck yell from his door as you hold the button that keeps the elevator doors open.

you can already hear mark arguing “you two technically aren’t even neighbors! he lives like two floors below you!”

while donghyuck counters back saying, “yeah but if she lived on my floor then we would live right next door to each other!” you can recall this exact confrontation when the three of you were in 3rd grade.

you and donghyuck have lived in the same apartment building your whole lives—which is also a big reason as to how the pair of you reached best friend status.

“let’s go before the sun starts setting!” he was smiling as he ran towards you and you couldn’t even deny that your heart was doing backflips.

“hurry up before i let go of this button and leave you there,” you threaten him and he laughs, pretending to walk in slow motion. you let go of the button and the elevator doors begin to close in on each other, prompting a loud gasp from donghyuck as he runs as fast as he can to reach the doors before they close completely.

“y/n, what the fuck!” he cries once he reaches the doors and they open back up again. he had his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath and you couldn’t contain your laughter. “i hate you, oh my god! i busted a lung out there trying to catch up to the elevator. i can’t believe you’d do that to me.” you were both laughing now and you watched as he pretended to sob.

the doors of the elevator opened back up once you reached the lobby and donghyuck takes this as an opportunity to run away from you to get to his car before you could beat him there.

he had his payback when he locked the doors before you could even open the door to his car, leaving you there for a good two minutes, yelling “karma, bitch!” before finally letting you in.

“you’re insane!” he just laughs at this, and you two call a truce to stop pulling pranks on each other for the duration of your grocery trip.

“alright, alright. i’ll go drop the sugar off to my house and i’ll meet you at the rooftop,” you nod, waving goodbye to him as he steps foot off the elevator with the grocery bag in his hand and you continue up to the penthouse floor.

you really didn’t know if this was legal. if you were being honest, you had a feeling you were putting your parents’ lease on the line every time you snuck onto the rooftop. you made your way out of the penthouse floor, opening the doors to the fire escape before you were finally met with the stairs that lead up to the rooftop.

you smiled as you looked up to the sky with its various shades of blue, purple, and pink. it was your senior year of high school and you knew you’d miss this once you left home.

you: HURRY UP THE SUN IS SETTING REAL QUICK

you: it’S NOT GONNA WAIT FOR YOUR SLOW ASS

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: FUCK FUCK FUCK WAIT IM PUTTING THE COOKIES IN THE OVEN FIRST

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: TELL THE SUN TO SLOW DOWN 😤😤 damn even the sun has no pATIENCE

you: damn riGHT so if you don’t hurry up you’re gonna miss it 😔

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: ALR ALR THEY’RE IN THE OVEN I’M USAIN BOLTING OUTTA HERE

and usain bolt, he did. donghyuck soon opened the doors out of the fire escape, finally getting a glimpse of the sky as the sun started to set. you seemed to have not noticed him, eyes focused upwards onto the sky.

he stopped in his tracks. donghyuck liked to think he no longer had any feelings for you. “not even any residue,” he would tell himself. but he couldn’t lie that there were some moments that he’d wish you had felt the same way as he once did. this exact moment would make it on that list. you looked cute. your small figure was a good ten feet away from him but despite the distance, he just knew there was no other place you’d rather be at the moment.

“finally!” you yell as he made your way towards you. “i was ready to lasso the sun and keep it here until you got your ass up here.”

he was staring at you, a small smile adorning his features. if the word fond could be personified, it would probably be this exact face he was making.

you finally let go of the breath you had been holding when his eyes leave your face and instead focus onto the sky. “god i’m gonna miss this.”

“the sky? i was thinking the exact-“

“no, us.” oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. you couldn’t even look at him. god, you were blushing like crazy and you prayed that he didn’t notice because you knew you were being crazy obvious right now. “i’m gonna miss us sneaking onto the rooftop to watch the sunset, you know? it’s just- i don’t know. senior year ending has made me become more... sad? i don’t think that’s the right word for it. nostalgic? maybe. every moment just has this sense of finality to it and that scares me.”

you were about to reply, but you were immediately cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. “hey, mina.”

and just as icarus flew too close to the sun, so did you heart. and now you felt it falling straight down to the sea. you didn’t bother to listen to the rest of his conversation on the phone. instead, you watched the sun while it painted the buildings a brilliant shade of golden yellow and casted a shadow onto the trees. but the view of the buildings could never compete with donghyuck as his tanned skin glowed in the golden sunlight and his eyes twinkled in a different shade of brown.

“crap, i almost forgot about my council meeting. i have to go pick up mina, too,” he had a small frown on his face and you giggled. lee donghyuck, how could you be so cute? “are you gonna be okay up here? i’m gonna go get the cookies ready. i’ll leave some at your door, as promised.”

you reject donghyuck’s offer of walking you to your door, telling him that you just wanted to stay here for a little while longer.

mork 🤢: damn senior year rly be hitting different 😩😔😫💦

you: MARK WTF JDDJDJ YOUR EMOJIS GTFO

mork 🤢: y/n i have a story omg facetime me #storytime

mork 🤢: i think my life is starting to become a coming of age movie LMAO

you smile as you read mark’s texts, telling him you’ll facetime him once you get back home. he was right though; senior year really did feel different, and it forced you to confront feelings you’d much rather keep buried, especially in the lee donghyuck department of your heart.

hello! if you made it this far, then thank you 🥺 tbh i was reALLY SCARED TO POST THIS IDK I HAVEN’T ACTUALLY WRITTEN ANYTHING IN AWHILE !! this WILL be continued so stay tuned !! 💖 kjdfakjl also aren’t we all just tryna be hyuck’s best friend 😔✊🏽

#haechan #lee donghyuck #donghyuck x reader #haechan x reader #haechan au #lee donghyuck x reader #lee haechan x reader #donghyuck au #ee.doc

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calumbringbackthewatermelonshirt · 4 years

Text

Hiraeth (Pt. 3)

(a/n: I've decided that im going to start posting new parts on my wattpad a few days before I post here as a sort of early access sort of thing… please consider checking it out!)

"Movie night?" You were sipping another iced coffee, this one of your keurig's creation. In front of you stood four girls trying to worm their way into your room.

"Really more of a girl's movie night." Sierra smiled, looking innocent. At least, as innocent as she could be. "Besides, we have nail polish. And face masks!"

You knew better than to argue so instead, you just sighed and moved out of the doorway, allowing them entrance into your room. God help you if you got caught having a sleepover on a school night, especially with students from another house.

When it came time for you to pick a movie, a wave of nostalgia overtook you, and you found yourself selecting The Princess Bride.

"OMG. I loved this movie when I was a kid." Sierra currently had on a sheet mask that made her look like a panda bear and was painting Kaykay's nails a bright shade of bubblegum pink.

"Me, too. I always wanted to find someone like Wesley." Kaykay sighed into her chocolate bar. You kept a stash on hand for kids who were feeling down, but let the girls raid it. Just this once.

"I forgot how dumb Buttercup was. She contributes nothing but problems to the entire movie." Kaykay's comment mirrored your own thoughts on the princess, not that you had expected her to have seen The Princess Bride before.

"Yeah, Buttercup definitely does not pass the Bechdel test." Crystal was admiring Sierra's handiwork on her own nails, hers a shade of bright blue.

You scoffed. "Are you kidding me? Buttercup invented the Bechdel test. A sexy lamp could have contributed more to the plot line than she did."

The girls laughed, each of them still watching Buttercup crying over Wesley despite the teasing.

"Damn. I wonder if there are any Wesleys around here." It was Sierra who first brought it up. The boy talk. It happened at every sleepover. You were expecting it, but that didn't mean that you were prepared for it.

"I don't know. Maybe." Crystal said. "I'll tell you who's not a Wesley, though. Ashton. That man is the biggest player I've ever met."

"Um, have you met Michael Clifford?" Kaykay gave Crystal the side eye, as if she was offended on Michael's behalf.

"Not only have I met him, but I've had to watch him flex during chapel." Sierra shuddered. "It's terrifying."

"I dread the day Luke becomes interested in girls." You gave a low chuckle. "He's still in the "girls have cooties" stage right now."

"Literally the only guy who I could even remotely see in a relationship aside from Ashton is Hood." Kaykay looked at you the entire time she talked. Which meant she definitely saw you blush at the thought of Hood in a relationship.

Sierra grinned, but she didn't push you. All she needed was that blush. Girls' night was super fun, and she was gonna force all of you to do this more often, but Sierra would be a liar if she said there were no ulterior motives for said girls' night. This was icing on the cake.

She and Kaykay met eyes, sharing small smiles. There was still much work to be done, but they were off to a great start.

Hood was starstruck by you, that much was clear to Sierra.

The stoic man the group once thought they knew had been reduced basically to a puppy. He 'escorted' you to and from all your classes, sat next you at all the meals, chatted you up over coffee on weekends. He even smiled and laughed at pretty much everything you said.

Sierra hadn't even known that Hood was capable of getting above a smirk on the smiling scale. Judging from the blush that had spread across your face, you were feeling much of the same. Although, you did seem to be better at hiding it that Hood, who froze every time he saw you. Without fail. Every. Single. Time.

Sierra had known from the very beginning what a great match you two were for each other, but even she couldn't have predicted this mess of emotions. You two were into each other, that was obvious. Now she just had to trick you into making it obvious to each other.

...

"I'm dying." Sierra banged her head down onto the table dramatically, sighing loudly. She raised her head ever so slightly to see if you was paying attention to her, and sighed louder when she realized you were not.

"Well, maybe you could be considerate and be a bit more quiet as you ease into the cold embrace of death?" You didn't look up from your book, trying to find that one specific bit about cellular mitosis in your textbook. Biology was a bitch for you, and the moaning coming from your study buddy didn't make things easier.

"Ughhhhh." Great, more moaning. Sierra was going to be the death of you, dragging you into the afterlife with her. You slammed the book shut, reached into your wallet and threw a twenty at her, watching as it dejectedly fluttered to a stop next to her arm.

"Go get us coffee, then. Take a break." You reopened the book, not even bothering to make sure she left. The upcoming test was stressing you out, and you really hadn't planned on taking multiple children under your wing when thinking about studying hours.

"Hey." God, what now? Or, more accurately, who now? It was always someone doing something with this group, and you were exhausted right now. You didn't think you could handle another crisis.

"What?" You closed your book with a whack, the word coming out like canine teeth in a fight.

When you looked up, it was just in time to see Calum hiding a flinch. You mentally sighed, regretting your words.

"Um, I was just gonna ask if you were okay?" Calum's hand came up to scratch the back of his head, the other holding his backpack on his shoulder. He looked a bit sick, almost as if he'd rather be anywhere else.

"Not really." The words were thinly veiled with impatience. You were barely halfway through the first unit and there were still two more to go after this, and that was only for biology.

"Oh, um, anything I can do to help?" Calum swallowed thickly. He should have never come over here. He knew you didn't like him, were only tolerating him for the rest of the group. God, he wanted to run. Just as fast as his legs could take him away from here. How could he be dumb enough to think you liked him?

"Yeah, peace and quiet." You didn't even get the word 'peace' out before Calum mumbled out a 'bye' and walk-sprinted away from you, straight out of the library.

It was weird, but it was also a bit too late to track him down and force his feelings out of him now.

...

One foot, then the other. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Hood kept repeating the mantra over and over, synchronizing his arms and legs to mold the air around him. He cut through it, gliding and fighting, gasping as he rounded the corner of the field once again. The air didn't stay in his lungs long enough, making them burn, and cramping his sides. But he could still replay the conversation with you in his head in perfect detail, so he kept running. He'd stay out here all night if he had to.

Because after running, he could always practice shooting. And then dribbling. And then whatever came to his mind next.

When you had said peace and quiet... you had sounded exactly like...

Hood shook his head, sprinting the next lap to push that thought away. You had been funny and kind, that night in the library closet. Just truth and idiocy, drunk on exhaustion. Then that night in the car. When it was just you and him and the stars. You had laughed, and teased, and sang softly to every song on the radio. It was honest. He thought you were a good person.

So why had you tricked him into believing you liked him?

Suddenly, the stitch in his side turned into a heart attack. The shortness of breath from running became air escaping his lungs and never coming back. He footsteps slowed, his feet muddling together until one of them caught on the other and sent him stumbling to to ground. He couldn't even see the grass to catch himself. His vision had gone kaleidoscopic, all darkness and spots.

This was it. He was about to die.

He couldn't get air in, couldn't stop shaking enough to get to his bag and text someone. They'd find his body in the morning, probably. Here, drenched in sweat and bile.

"Hey, Calum!" You had noticed Calum running laps earlier as you walked back to the dorms from the library. Things had ended weird with the two of you earlier, and you wanted a chance to, if not fix it, at least figure out what was going on. You assumed he was still peeved, though. Even after calling his named again, he still hadn't looked up.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I know I said peace and quiet to you, but I was hardcore projecting Sierra's chattery-ness onto you." You plopped down next to him slipping off your sandals and beginning to lace up your cleats. Calum still didn't look up.

"Hey." You nudged his shoulder, only to have your hand come away drenched in sweat. Weird. You looked at the boy sitting next to you a bit closer, noting him sort of shivering, even though he was burning up, and the way he wasn't quite breathing, but ... panting. Shit. "Calum. Hey. Look at me."

Realization hit you like a truck. He wasn't mad or ignoring you. He was having a panic attack. You scooted closer to him, gently cupping his cheeks in you hands and bringing his face up to meet your eyes. They darted around wildly for a moment before zeroing in on yours.

"Cal. You are okay. I need you to breathe for me, okay bud?" These sort of situations... they weren't new to you. It hurt you to be able to say that, but you were grateful for it at least for right now. "Come. Focus."

The first thing he felt was cold. Cold hands, right on his face. They felt nice on his feverish skin. The hands brought his head up, moving his head for him, since his neck was incapable. Everywhere was too bright, the was too much to take in. But your eyes... he could focus on your eyes. Slowly, painfully, you got him to breathe. In four, hold seven, out eight. Hood knew the exercises. He pretty much wrote the book on them. But they were so much easier when they came from you. Hood watched as the sun set behind you, escaping in a way Hood only wished he could.

...

"Hey Luke, wait up!" You jogged along the covered pathway, trying to catch up to your favorite child-genius. Luke was lost in his own little world. He was reading and walking again, which you and Crystal had both told him not to do anymore. He was doing it anyway.

Which, of course, meant that Luke didn't see him until it was too late.

Torrin. God, you hated that asshole. He had been giving Luke crap the entire time you had known him and probably before that, as well. So, when you saw Torrin hone his attention in on Luke, you dropped your crap right there and kicked your jog up to a sprint.

You got there a split second too late to stop Torrin from slapping Luke's book out of his hands. That was about as far as you would let him get, though.

"What the hell, Torrin?" Just like that you were in front of Luke, pushing him behind you, shielding him with your body.

"What?" The asshole had the gall to smirk, putting his hands into his pockets. God, you wanted to slap that grin right off his smug face. "I'm just teasing."

"Yeah, last time your 'teasing' resulted in him having to buy a new book bag and replace all his notebooks." You growled the words out.

"Fuck off, bitch. This is between me and the twerp." Torrin was never bright enough to grasp the concept of patience.

"Hey, better idea. Go fuck yourself." You watched as the bullies features contorted into pure rage, the kind only testosterone and teenage angst could encite.

"I'm done with you." Torrin grabbed your shoulders, pushing you away from Luke, who tried to back away.

Oh, this was gonna be bad. You remember thinking that specifically, that part was one of the only moments of clarity you had. Everything sort of blurred after you decked Torrin square on his chin, knocking him flat on his ass.

…

tags: @rbforsmileycal @whatthefuckimbisexual

#calum hood #calum imagine #calum x reader #calum fluff #calum fic #calum 5sos #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood 5 seconds of summer #calum hood fanfic #calum hood 5sos #luke hemmings #Michael clifford #Ashton irwin #5sos #5sauce #5 seconds of summer

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stonerbughead · 3 years

Text

Maria watches friday night lights (#36)

5x13, the series finale i have heard nothing but good things about - I made it y’all! *wipes tear* this is a show i will definitely rewatch! It definitely feels like the kind of show that’s so layered that every time you go back you’ll pick up something new. I love shows like that.

i haven’t been on tumblr on my computer in a long time but im gonna go through and add “read more”s to all of these recaps!

(thanks to anyone who read these nonsense recaps! if you enjoyed these...in addition to my currently-on-hiatus riverdale podcast @bodysuitsforbughead, I have another teen drama-centered podcast in the works, follow @LeftyTeenDrama on Twitter and @leftistteendrama on Instagram to get updates when it launches! I’m taking a break on working on it till i move but it’s gonna be a big part of my 2021 projects. I’ve already recorded one episode with two of my favorite people in the world and it’s gonna be amazing. It will be about a variety of teen dramas, but FNL will definitely be included.)

and without further ado, my final FNL ramblings under the cut:

And we open with one last montage of shots around Dillon from a car, with a “Christmas in Texas” song playing. Amazing.

Oh wow, I love the “FIVE DAYS TILL THE CHAMPIONSHIP” vibe. The build-up is already here. A shot of Julie in the stands watching practice!

It’s super uncomfortable that people are talking to Vince about his “future teammates” on the Panthers before the post-season is even over. “I don’t really wanan talk about that. I want to talk about how the East Dillon Lions are gonna win State.” “Is that a promise?” These Texas sports journalists are WILD. this is a teenage boy whose school’s funding just got cut right before the biggest game of his life! Can we have some sympathy?!

“I hear they’re taking the cream of the crop for the Superteam so I’m gonna be honest with you, what are you gonna do?” EXCUSE ME SIR? I repeat, TEENAGE BOY. Tinker’s response of “you’re an asshole” and storming away was more than appropriate!!!

“No comment”ing his way out of there like a champ.

Ah, the age-old tradition of decorating a Christmas tree while arguing about a five-year football coach contract in Dillon or a dean of admissions job offer at a prestigious Philadelphia college. Julie’s just sitting there with Gracie like ooooh boy

“Here is where we put our tree, not Philadelphia! It’s a Texas tree.” OMG STOP IT. Lol Julie putting her hands over her ears.

YAY MATT SARACEN IS AT THE DOOOOORRRRR im so excited

Wow I did not expect this proposal to come that quickly into the episode! Like i knew it was coming in this episode but aw. They’re so soft! Just like, oh i’ve been thinking about you nonstop since our perfect Chicago tryst and oh look here’s grandma’s ring let me casually get down on one knee in the town where we fell in love. And after she was just talking about how much she misses Matt to Tyra the episode before? That “yes” she gave feels so certain because of it. Aw.

The grandma’s ring really fucks me up because you know how close Julie and Grandma Saracen have gotten over the years. My heart!

“Oh my God, your dad must’ve flipped.” “...What do you mean?” OH NO Eric Taylor is totally the type to care. “...When you asked him to marry me.” Oh I knew this proposal was too early in the episode, im dying!

“You need to go man to man.” Ugh Julie i liked Matt’s plan of just going and telling them much better. His look of fear when he repeats “man to man.” dead.

Wow no theme song??? That’s how you know it’s gonna be a long series finale!

Andddd here we are, a bickering Riggins “I may or may not be going to Alaska.” “Is it because you raw dogged Tyra last night?” i literally gasped.

LMAO Mindy trying to say Tim and Tyra are incest now that Mindy and Billy are married and then Tim and Billy immediately being like “nope, no blood lines, that’s not how incest works.” Someone should send that memo to all those anti bughead stans about bughead and falice

“What do you think about me taking Stevie for the day?” “I’m fine with that. There’s no going back, I’m going to get the bag.” LOL Mindy spoken like a true parent also YES to Tim and Stevie spending time together.

Poor Jess not realizing that asking Eric if she can follow him to the Panthers is a much bigger question than she thinks se’s asking.

AWW Tim and Stevie at Grandma Collette’s. How cute.

“Seven’s back in town?” “Yeah, he and Julie got engaged!”

Tim/Tyra and Matt/Julie double date?? Aw I love that Tyra knows that Matt and Julie got engaged. I really love Tyra and Julie’s friendship.

I’m laughing really hard at Matt’s speech to Eric trying to ask permission. This is so funny.

Eric’s like, “is this kid serious rn?”

Not to be that northern bitch but don’t kids get married at 18/19 all the fucking time in Texas?? I feel like it’s more common in even more rural parts of like...any state.

“The answer to your question is gonna be no today, it’s gonna be no tomorrow, and it’s gonna be no until the sun burns out.” LMAO wow i didn’t see this coming

“This was really just a courtesy, we were hoping for your blessing.” YES MATT.

OH BOY Eric did not just try to speak FOR his daughter, im not about it. “My daughter’s answer to you is ‘no.’” That’s some patriarchal shit right there.

“We’ll never know if we’re East Coast people if we don’t try it!” “We have a MUCH BIGGER problem.” Dude, it’s Matt Saracen, the softest boy who has loved your daughter for years, i actually think the fundamental decision of where you and Tami continue your future might be slightly more pressing.

“I don’t know why you’re yelling at me! I think we agree on this!” IM SCREAMINGGGG

Aw, Tami getting teary-eyed at Grandma Saracen’s ring. “It’s just, y’all are so young.” I know but this is a TV show universe so we let teen marriage slide for the right couples, ok.

Tami and Eric wanna take Matt and Julie to A CONVERSATION DINNER??? This is gonna be so funny.

Aw, Vince got his dad a ticket to state? “I want you to be there.” if this fucker doesn’t just come and shut his mouth

Oh wow Becky’s mom is finally coming back? And yay Becky’s finally over her Tim crush. “So friends?” “I say family.” AWWW MY HEART.

“You guys were our age when you got married.” ARE YOU SERIOUS? “It was a different time.” Y’all have no leg to stand on here.

“Marriage requires maturity.” Says the man who won’t let his wife take a huge job offer. What, who said that? (Okay the way Tami’s watching Eric give this speech about compromise, thinking she’s thinking the same thing.)

“You guys got married when you were my age, and how many times did you move? How many different things you’ve gone through and look how you’ve made it work. You guys are my inspiration.” AW. I wish my parents had a stable enough marriage to be able to say that LOL but nope.

OH NO poor Tami getting up from the table because she’s emotional! Because she’s clearly always thought of her marriage that way too but maybe not lately AH

Eric, babe, that’s your cue to follow.

Oh shit, Jess’s family is moving to Dallas? Well, damn.

Eric saw Vince not take a ticket for his dad and came to his watering hole to hand deliver it? “Young man gets a chance like that maybe once in a lifetime.” and mic drop, walk away.

Luke casuaklly meeting Becky’s mom for the first time while coming by to try to win Becky back. “I love you. I’m so sorry.” AWWW. growth!

YES cheers to Matt and Julie! “Here’s to Mr. and Mrs. Saracen.”

“Always thought you’d be the first person to say that.” AW

Yes halfway through college, go Tyra!

Awwww, Matt being like “let’s dance” and pulling Julie up. So cute. Yes, Tim asking Tyra to dance.

“I got plans.” “I don’t.” OMG is Tim saying he’ll just follow Tyra? Damn.

Why tf is Buddy calling Eric first thing in the morning to tell him about Buddy Jr.’s cast and “staying here el permanente” and GETTING HIM TO SIGN A CONTRACT BEFORE THE GAME? Y’all are shady as fuck!

I love that seeing the Braemore papers made him stop, tell Buddy off, and not make a decision in that moment. What’s gonna happen???

“I won’t be a part of your Superteam after all.” Hopefully Eric won’t be either! Aw Jess thanking him “for the greatest experience of his life.” “I think it’s been mine too.” AW.

Eric’s gonna give a coach in Dallas a good word for Jess? So beautiful. Yesss!

AW Julie and Matt decorating the Saracen Christmas tree, and Grandma trying to get Julie to wear her old wedding dress!

Emotional at this hug between Julie and Mrs. Saracen. “I love you.” “I love you too.”

Awww Vince finally being glad that Jess is part of the team...at the moment when it’s about to end.

Yess Tyra and Tim picnicking on the land?

And YES to Tyra going into politics, I could see it! “Along the lines of Mrs. T. Except bigger.” YES GURL.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was five years old.” AWWW that is so precious.

“I’m gonna build a house exactly where we’re sitting. I’m gonna get a job. And I’m never gonna do anything illegal for the rest of my life.” Oh, Tim. my heart!!!

“Maybe one day, our dreams can merge together.” THAT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. What more does one really want? Oh, these beautiful life-filled shots of them drinking beer on the land where Tim wants to build a house. Art!

Oh shit, Eric’s racing to get to Santa in time to be there with Tami and Gracie?! “You scared me half to death. What’s going on?”

“I turned the contract down. It’s your turn. I want to go to Philadelphia. Will you take me to Philadelphia with you, please?” YESSSSSSSSSSSSS what they deserve! What Tami deserves!!!! My heart!!!!

Ugh, the imagery as they get to State is amazing. The boys taking in the field, the players suited up praying and getting in the zone beforehand. The screaming in the stands waiting for them.

“You may never know how proud I am of you.” “You changed my life, coach.” AW.

Eric’s pre-game prayer overlaying the image of the Lions bursting out onto the field! Yes yes yes!

The way they slowed everything down with just music, and focused in on the faces of so many characters - Vince’s dad showing up, Eric and Tami saluting one another from stand to sideline, Becky cheering in the stands excitedly for Luke, Matt and Julie holding each other, Buddy on the sidelines screaming, Vince’s mom jumping up and down - just absolute perfection.

And we’re back in, with actual in-scene sound at 26-21 with 3 seconds left on the clock??? Jesus!

AH and every single character watching the football fly in the air, WOW the DRAMA.

Holy shit, they fast-forwarded to one of Eric’s players in Philly catching a football eight months later in Philly??? THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD. WOW.

Tami looks like such a badass strutting around campus!

YES Tinker is on the Panthers! Take that, bullying reporter!

Aw, the East Dillon Lions sign coming down. :( feels.

Nooo Luke don’t go to the military! Noooo I hate that. Poor Becky. They’re the exact type of couple who gets caught up in that really sad cycle - too poor to really have many other options, so the whole “free college when i get out!” thing starts to look really attractive. smh.

But i love how they used the championship ring he gave Becky as a way to signal that the East Dillon Lions did, indeed, win the state championship eight months earlier...and that Jess is wearing the ring on the sidelines of a new field where she’s working with the coaches! amazing!

Yay Matt and Julie live in Matt’s beautiful Chicago apartment? Perfection. They really look so good in that city together.

New beginnings in a new city together for both Tami and Eric AND Matt and Julie? I’m living! It’s what they deserve!

Tim and Billy building Tim’s house and drinking beers! “Texas forever.” “Texas forever.” MY HEART.

“Clear eyes, full hearts.” SILENCE. “Ah, we’ll deal with that later.” LOL

Yesss Tami coming out to meet Eric on the field!!!

“Ready to go home?” “Yeah, let’s go.”

And the lights go off on the field. End show. AMAZING. Truly, an epic series finale! An epic show! I will definitely rewatch and i am so glad i finally did! Thanks to anyone who gave a shit about my ramblings.

#maria watches friday night lights #friday night lights 5x13 #mine

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adrunkgiraffe · 4 years

Text

I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things.

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color.

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total.

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season.

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee.

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision.

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative.

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context.

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well.

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment.

But the thing. About. The “I love you.”

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me.

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it.

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific.

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum.

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does.

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET?

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written.

Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is.

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant.

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

#destiel #i don't fucking care im tagging it #bury your gays #queerbaiting #homophobia #also: i should say there are a lot of moments where i refer to aspects of the writing as good #this either means i was 14 when I watched it #or #it's something that i find compelling #that #IN ANOTHER SHOW #OR IN A HYPOTHETICAL WHERE THE WRITING ISNT LADEN WITH HOMOPHOBIA #could be fun to explore #like there are these structural motifs #and themes #which could have made the show good #could have made that confession...passable #but they didn't even write it well by supernatural standards #is my point #My other point is i get to actually be mad about this because I actually watched and put emotional energy towards this show #i shouldnt have but i did #so now I get to write about it #and if you reply we been knew to this post #youre correct #but also #wow do you maybe think I was already aware of that?

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marvinswriting · 4 years

Text

heatwave

Prompt: no prompt, just stay hydrated bbys. this is me projecting the fear from the first time i passed out onto Janis, ft my dumb thought process of 'im fine'. Yes, that's right. I too, refuse to ask for help when I need it. Not just Janis. whoops. G/T MEAN GIRLS AU

The tiny portion of the school doesn't have AC. Which to be honest shouldn't be legal, but a lot of things at Northshore shouldn't be legal. No proper heating or cooling was the least of the tiny's issues.

When it's too cold, you wear a jacket. (Or skip and stay with Damian). When it's too hot, the tiny teachers bring in electric fans for their classrooms. Besides, the tinies only have like- four periods in the walls.

But it does become an issue during a heatwave.

It was almost 100 degrees in Northshore. There was no wind so the air felt stale and dry. Now imagine being in a wall.

I think I'm being cooked alive. The baggy jacket I live in probably doesn't help much though.

It was global, my last tiny class of the day. Aaron and I had advanced global together while Regina had normal global in the room next door.

I slumped in my chair not listening to the teacher at all.

Aaron and I sat together in the front of the room and the only pro to that was the fan was right there.

Not that it did much.

It was old and moved slow. It wasn't cooling anyone, just circulating the hot air.

I finished my water bottle three periods ago and I still had a headache. It wasn't awful, just annoying.

I tried to ignore the little spots in the corner of my eyes every time I moved my head.

Just a small headache.

Suddenly, the breeze disappears.

The fucking fan died.

"Oh, dear." My teacher says.

She a short old lady with circle glasses on the bridge of her nose.

"Oh, dear is an understatement," I mumble to Aaron who just shakes his head.

Our teacher tries to turn on the fan, but there's no sign of life. She even unplugs the wire and tries again.

"I guess it's fried." She says with a small laugh.

"So are we!" Some kid calls from the back of the class. I think its Glen Coco but I don't have enough energy to turn around and check as the rest of the class laughs.

Our teacher smiles warmly. "We've got ten minutes left in the period. Go hang out in the tiny cafeteria or something."

The tiny cafeteria is one of the few places in the school with AC for tinies. Which is nice because it's bearly bigger than a classroom, but they expect to fit all of us in it. It gets crowded and hot even with air conditioning.

Our teacher continues. "Just get somewhere cool. And drink water!"

Water sounded nice. I should have brought more than one bottle. I knew it'd be hot today.

Aaron ad I pack up our bags before standing. The world spins a bit but it feels just like my typical low iron issue.

The spots fade just like normal when I stand up too quickly and Aaron and I are off.

We pull Regina out of her class early saying 'it's for a class project'. The teacher didn't ask what class so we didn't specify.

"So," Regina says. "How did you guys get out of class?"

"Our teacher let us," Aaron explains as we walk through the halls. We're in the very back of the tiny section, furthest away from the tiny pick up zone. "Her fan died."

"No!" Regina said with genuine concern.

"Yeah, but she didn't make us stay long," I explained. My throat was dry and my voice sounded weird, but neither friends paid mind to it.

I tried to ignore the way the hallways spun. My limbs felt slow and heavy despite how fast I walked to keep up with Aaron and Regina.

"Let's stop and grab food at the cafeteria. I'm starving and we have time." Regina said grabbing both Aaron and I's wrists and dragging us in the opposite direction from the air conditions hallways.

No!

Food was the last thing I wanted right now. Just the thought of it made me sick. I wanted water, not salty cheese fries.

I watched the ground as we walked. The hallways were empty but Regina stopped us to look at one of the message boards.

"Janis, the theater performance is next week?"

"Yeah," I say without looking up. The world spun each time I moved my head. "Damian's got lead."

"Of course he does." Regina said.

She and Aaron continued talking but I didn't contribute to the conversation.

I guess I need water more then I realized.

The spots in my eyes covered my whole vision.

It went from a small headache to the end of the world real fast.

I couldn't tell if my eyes were opened or closed. It was all a grey swarm.

"I think I'm gonna pass out." I whispered.

Aaron and Regina didn't pay any mind.

"Guys." I spoke louder.

Was I even audible? No matter how loud I tried to speak it never came out in more than a mumble.

My legs felt heavy and weak at the same time. Like my knees would give at any second.

"Guys." I repeat myself.

I can't even hear Aaron and Regina talking over the buzz in my ear. My head felt heavy and I could feel every time it tipped in the slightest.

My vision was totally replaced by spots and I couldn't see anything.

My throat was so dry it felt like it was closing as I tried to speak.

I need water. Fuck. I need water.

"....anis."

I could see it again, but my brain wasn't processing. Aaron was in front of me. His mouth was moving but I don't know what he's saying.

I'm on the floor leaning against someone.

It's too hot for that.

I try and sit up but arms wrap around me, pulling me back down. I don't fight it as spots appear in my vision again.

A water bottle is handed to me.

I bring it to my lips without question.

My brain still isn't working.

The person behind me is slipping my jacket off my arms. I try and fight it.

My jacket is like my comfort blanket. I can't take it off. I can't-

"Janis, please."

Regina.

It was Regina.

I place the empty water bottle next to me and let my jacket get stripped off.

I never drink a full water bottle in one sitting.

Yet I still felt thirsty.

"You okay?" Aaron asks as I push myself out of Regina's lap. "You passed out for a second. You just crumpled. We were worried. You-"

"Aaron," Regina says sternly. "For god's sake she just passed out, let her breath."

"You need more water?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah." I say softly.

"I'll go swing by the cafeteria," Aaron says getting his bag and standing up.

"Look," Regina joked as Aaron turned the corner. "You broke him."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Regina says turning me so we're both leaning against the wall. "It's hot as fuck out. I'm not surprised it happened. You just get a little nervous when your friend just drops to the ground."

I nod. The ringing in my head had gone away but my mouth still felt dry. Regina held my jacket folded over her arms.

"You fell into me when you passed out." Regina laughed. "Almost took me down with you."

My face flushed with embarrassment. "Whoops."

There were footsteps as Aaron can back. "I bought three, I figured we all need water."

"Thanks, man." I say reaching into my bag to grab my wallet.

"No. No, it's fine." Aaron said pushing my hand away from my bag and tossing both Regina and I a bottle.

"You sure?" Regina asked.

"Yeah." Aaron nods. "Feel better Janis?"

I nod, slipping the water. It was ice cold and made me feel a lot better. I still felt nauseous and a bit dizzy, but not like I would pass out. "I don't think I trust myself to get up yet," I say, leaning against the wall.

"You'd feel better in the AC." Regina points out.

I nod but make no effort to get up. Regina reaches over and presses her cold waterbottle against my forehead.

"If I catch you wearing a jacket in a heatwave again you can catch my hands." She says, but she doesn't sound very threatening.

Aaron hums an agreement as the bell rings.

Students walk past us but nobody pays us much mind. Everyone wants to get to ac as soon as possible.

"We need to call Damian" Regina says.

"Or- oh I dunno....her mom" Aaron says, glaring up at Regina.

"Yeah we can do that too, but how the fuck is Janis gonna get home? Walk?"

"We should call her mom first. I know I'd wanna know if my kid passed out."

"You have a kid?" I laugh.

"This is a hypothetical situation," Aaron says.

"But this-" Regina points to me. "-isnt hypothtical. If Karen or Gretchen passed out, I'd wanna fucking know. They're my giants."

"Guys," I groan, looking up to the ceiling. "We can do both. Regina, you know my phone password, don't call my mom because she's at work but text her."

Aaron and Regina glare at each other momentarily without moving. I clear my throat and Regina breaks her gaze to reach for my phone. Aaron picks up his phone and begins dialing.

I can't hear the other line but it doesn't take long for Aaron to start talking.

"Hey, Damian. You think you can meet us at the tiny pick up? Regina, Janis, and I. Janis needs a ride home." He paused. "Yeah, she's fine now...she passed out- wait no- Damian she's fine. It wasn't like- No, dude. She-"

Regina and I laugh as Aaron tried to explain what happened.

"She just fell, she's fine now- no- shes oka- Damian!"

"Poor Aaron." Regina chuckled.

"Damian, Aaron rolled his eyes. "Do you want to talk to her?"

I lower my hand from my mouth where I was trying to hide my laughter as Aaron passed the phone.

"Janis?!"

"Hey, dude." I can't help but laugh. The panic Aaron had when I first passed out seemed tenfold from Damian over the line. "I'm tits, man. Just overheated a bit."

"Were you wearing your jacket?"

"I was."

"Janis!"

"Not anymore, I'm not!"

There's hushed speaking on the other line. "Cady says it's stupid of you."

"Tell Cady she's stupid."

"That would be a lie." Aaron points out. He can't hear Damian, he just decided his input was necessary. It wasn't.

"Met us at the pick-up zone, okay?" Damian asks.

"Yeah," I say. "Love you."

"Love you too."

The line clicks and I pass the phone back to Aaron. Regina is still texting on mine so I stand up to look ever her shoulder. My mom seems a lot more chill about it then Damian was. I told her not to wear a jacket. I don't even think she needs to leave school but just send her home and we can talk later. Glad she's okay.

"What does everyone have against my jacket?"

"It's hot as fuck, Janis." Regina deadpans.

Aaron takes my bag from me. "Let's go."

"I can carry my bag-" I try to protest.

"Nu-uh. Aaron, you hand Janis her bag back and I'll push you off the platform." Regina interrupts me.

I finish off my water as Aaron chuckles. "What's with you and pushing people from high places, Gina?"

Regina shrugged, my jacket still in her arms. "It's fun. Besides, you think one of us would really get hurt? With the people we're friends with?"

"True." I point out.

As we get closer to the tiny exist I can feel the ac already. Damian and Cady are already at the platform, Damian looking incredibly stressed. I throw up jazz hands the second he sees me.

"I'm all good!"

"Getting calls like that never fail to scare me," Damian says with a worried smile. "Glad you're okay."

Aaron hands me my bag and Regina draped my jacket over my shoulders as I walk over to Damian.

The first thing he does is lift the jacket off of me and glare at Regina who laughs, raising her hands in defense.

Damian scoops me up, letting me fall backward into his hand. I don't even bother to sit up as he pulls his hand close to his chest. The ceiling lights were bright, but I'd rather see that then grey spots.

"I'm gonna get this reckless girl home."

I can head Aaron and Regina faintly say goodbye over Cady's bye.

I prop myself up on my forearms as Damian begins walking. "What are we gonna do with you, Janis?" He asks.

I shrug forgetting he can't see. "I'm tired."

"Wouldn't be surprised silly."

He gets us both checked out at the office. Tinies passing out during a heatwave isn't an uncommon occurrence and I'm not even the first today. They don't question it and let us leave.

I already feel a lot better by the time Damian makes it to his car. Mom was right and I definitely could have stayed in school. But hey, an excuse for nap time is an excuse for nap time. Especially during a heatwave when I can lay in my bedroom with a fucking ac.

Fun fact, the first time I passed out I was at an airplane show during a heatwave. The blacktop made everything hotter than normal and it was like 110 degrees. I- like Janis, almost pulled my friend down with me. I don't remember half the shit after I passed out bc my brain was like- viewing everything but not processing it. What I do remember is downing three water bottles on the spot and being like- Holy Shit. Bc, i cant even drink half a water bottle in one sitting. TAGS! @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

#if youre reading this tag go drink water #if you dont regina will push you off a table #g/t mean girls #giant tiny #tiny aaron #tiny regina #giant damian #giant cady #g/t #g/t writing #Giant/tiny

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honeydots · 4 years

Note

"61. “Were you drawing me?”" for the ask meme? 👀

“Were you drawing me?”

akira sleeps in and yusuke takes advantage of that. because of COURSE if im given the opportunity to write shukita im going to take it of course i am

(ao3 link)

Slugs were okay.

Akira didn’t have much of an opinion on them, to be honest. Nothing negative. They were a little goopy, sure. But that wasn’t a bad thing. Sometimes you’re goopy and squishy and occasionally poisonous, it happens to everybody. Akira was sure he’d had a Saturday just like that. They were just little creatures. Slugging along.

…That said, he didn’t like them much when they were on his face. He especially wouldn’t like them if they were the poisonous kind. He didn’t think these ones were, but still. That would be completely unpleasant. And then he’d be goopy until he died. Just terrible all around.

But not these bad boys. Akira was sure they were just your everyday slug. Lucky for him! But they were still on his face. He didn’t really want that. Slug along anywhere else, please. He was trying to relax. This wasn’t the time.

In his limited periods of consciousness, Akira often thought about how weird it was that he never realized when he was dreaming. Once he was in the dream, he was there. No second thoughts about it. The slugs were on his face now, and that’s where they belonged. But pointedly, again, they were not poisonous. Nice to know his subconscious wasn’t going for a gastropod themed execution.

He woke up blissfully slug-free. Thank god. What a morning surprise that would’ve been. He also woke up alone, which wasn’t too unusual. Yusuke tended to be an early riser. Up and about, doing his creative stuff. He had picked up sculpting, recently. So far, he’d made a lovely bust of Isaac Newton (and if not him, it was a not-as-lovely bust of Haru), and a pistachio (this one really was a pistachio). Akira was happy he was expanding his repertoire, since he seemed to be enjoying himself. He was keeping busy, and he had a career after all.

But the bed was meant for two.

He shifted a bit, peeked his eyes open and, oh. He was surprised to see Yusuke sitting not far across from him. He was staring deeply into his sketchbook, very focused and very quiet.

You know, he could always draw in bed. It’d be warmer that way. “Good morning.” Akira lazily stretched out his back. “Sketching?”

Akira probably shocked him, because Yusuke jumped. He usually felt just a little bit bad when he did that, but today there was something mischievous dancing around in his brain. A tiny goblin who had wanted so desperately to cuddle, probably.

You and me both, Goblin-kun.

Yusuke looked up to him, and he seemed a little stoic. “You’ve awakened. Good afternoon. Please do not move.”

Technical technical. Akira treated afternoons like mornings, anyway. He relaxed his body back down, trying to look as natural as possible. “Were you drawing me?” It wouldn’t surprise him. It’d hardly be the first time. Yusuke liked to make him blush by calling him things like his Muse, or his Starry Night, or his Lobster Fra Diavolo.

“Ah… I suppose,” said Yusuke. He swiveled a turn in his chair, and swept up a dab of paint with a brush. “Now, close your eyes again.”

Akira did. So he was painting him. Again with Yusuke’s technicalities, his this’s and that’s. It was endearing. There was something very sweet about his specifics, since Akira knew he was included in them.

He wondered if he could go back to sleep. If Yusuke wanted him to keep his eyes closed, the chances went up. He could already feel himself falling into it. Anyone who knew Akira was well aware that he wasn’t one to pass up opportunities to sleep in. Well, sleep in more than he already had. Yusuke knew better than to let him stay in bed, Akira couldn’t be blamed. And it was for art after all.

But the afternoon did have plans for Akira. Goddamn. For example, something cold and wet being splattered onto his forehead. It was… weirdly familiar?

He jumped, but in like, a groggy half-awake confused boy way. “Ghh?” His eyes flickered open. Yusuke was there? He hadn’t heard him come over. “What are you…doing.”

Yusuke remained focused as ever, eyes glued to, uh. Uh? “Akira, please. I do not want it in your eyes.” The wet spot moved and spread across his brow.

The dots were sleepy and the lines were wiggling, but all connecting nonetheless. “Are you painting,” Akira said, flinching at the sloppy feeling, “on my face?”

Yusuke lifted his paintbrush and looked very thoughtfully at the smear he’d created. “Do not speak much. I would hate for what has dried to crack.” He turned away, probably to get more paint.

Akira squinted at him. It was already drying? As in drying drying? “How long have you been… at this.”

Yusuke sighed, and shook his head. “Please, my love, if you must talk,” he said, turning back, “Try to be minimal. I will be finished soon.”

He returned to Akira’s side, this time with a pool of paint on the back of his hand, probably for quick access. Akira stared silently at him. He wasn’t mad at all, more completely amused. Unique way to spend a morning. He’d woken up before with drawings on his face, but that was usually Futaba scribbling squiggles and mustaches with her sharpies. Oh, but he’d always get back at her for that. He’d refuse to wash it off and make her be seen with him, Mr. Sharpie Face Man, in the all forbidden public. She was one of those second-hand embarrassment people.

Wow, the paint felt weird. He was all too aware of it sitting on his face. It was thick. And the actual spreading of it had been really strange. There were out of body experiences, and then there were all too aware of what is happening right now on your body experiences. Akira was the former. He was pretty surprised it hadn’t woken him up, actually.

Wait.

The slugs.

The non-poisonous slugs.

That made sense.

Yusuke continued painting. Little swirls and pointed dots. Akira tried to guess what he was doing. The paint he had was blue, so maybe a bird? A fish? He was sure Yusuke would do something more outlandish, though. Maybe a bird with glasses. He wondered if Yusuke would let him name it.

Inevitably, they made eye contact. Akira had been staring pretty relentlessly, and boy he was good at that. Yusuke held it for a moment, before something visibly clicked. There it was. Akira had been thinking about if he’d remember to answer. He didn’t, always. Yusuke had quite the way with concentration. He’d just about have to shake him out to come to dinner some nights.

Yusuke had run out of paint on his hand, and he turned back to get more. A short silence hung. “A few hours,” he said.

So, a while. His projects usually took a bit, so he was glad to hear this hadn’t been some all nighter. That could’ve been nice too, though, because then Yusuke would certainly take a nap. And of course then Akira would get to take a nap. Which would be great. But he’d have to wash all this paint off first. He hoped it would come off easy.

It wasn’t like Yusuke had never painted on his body before. But that was usually, you know, doodling with a pen on his arm. Or some grand experiment on his back. Face painting wasn’t technically something to be considered out of the ordinary, but unconscious face painting was. Yusuke’s inspiration strikes were always charming.

Akira watched as Yusuke readied his brush again. He felt him very gently move some hair out of his face. This wasn’t really a view Akira usually got. Hello there. Thank goodness he was nearsighted.

But, all good things must come to an end. Yusuke looked down at him. “It really is imperative you shut your eyes, now. This would sting.”

He probably spoke from experience. He already knew Yusuke had drunk paint water before. It was an accident, he said, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t also accidentally get paint in his eyes. Akira also doubted that the paint water incident was entirely accidental. He had evidence. But, despite all that, he heeded his advice. Yusuke was kind enough to wait until he did so. Akira wondered how long it would take for Yusuke to just start painting, anyway.

He felt the brush fit into his eye socket and curve around down, above his cheek bone. Very confident but delicate strokes across his eyelid, and then repeated on the other side. He decided this was much better than slugs. Though still just as goopy.

The brush lifted, and did not come back down. “There,” Yusuke began, “Now, please remain very still. I will return in just a moment.”

Akira obliged, keeping his eyes shut tight but careful not to scrunch. He heard footsteps, and a door opening. Yusuke was probably getting their camera. They’d bought a very nice once for situations like this. Non-portable art, or anything that would wash away. Akira supposed he wouldn’t mind being on display for an art show. Ehh, that was, as long as it didn’t last too long. He didn’t really get fidgety, but he did get bored.

He heard Yusuke come back, accompanied by some clicking and clunking. He probably also brought in a light, since he tended to be very particular about his art pictures. Akira appreciated that his face-canvas was being given such fancy treatment. He hoped he was doing the art justice.

There was shuffling. The sound of curtains opening. The buzz of a lamp. And eventually, many, many clicks. Yusuke always took bunches of pictures, with light adjustments and in different positions. He’d learned how to use a camera very well, at this point. Akira was glad to see it, because initially Yusuke had been a little helpless with one.

He took pictures all the time now. It was much more convenient, since instead of pulling over and waiting thirty minutes for Yusuke to be satisfied with a sketch, they’d pull over and spend just ten minutes taking pictures. They still had to leave an hour early for events, but they were late less often. They were also a little poorer, because memory cards didn’t come cheap. Yusuke’s new cocaine, he guessed.

The clicking went off and on. Akira sat through it, beginning to drift back to sleep again. When Yusuke had said ‘afternoon’ that could’ve meant 12:01, right? Which meant it would be perfectly reasonable to sleep for a few more hours. Just a little catnap. He’d bet anything Morgana was still sleeping. And how was that fair?

He was thoroughly lost in cat-jealousy thoughts, and did not notice the clicking stop. So, the sound of Yusuke’s voice scared him right out of his drowsiness. “You can move about now. I’ve finished.” Gah.

So, no naps for him. Yet. But Akira guessed he was getting a little bit cramped anyway. He stretched out again, properly this time, and opened his eyes. He watched as Yusuke turned off the extra light, and carefully put the camera down.

Yusuke looked to Akira and smiled very sweetly. Akira smiled back, entirely sure he probably looked very silly. His whole face was (presumably?) blue, after all. He was still thinking of a bird name.

Yusuke sat down at the foot of their bed. He fiddled a bit with his fingers, and scratched at the drying paint on his hands. A learned habit.“I do hope you slept well.”

“Mm,” Akira replied, pushing himself up. “I think you gave me weird dreams.” He felt around a little for his glasses. If paint got on them, oh well. He’d curse the glasses god today. He wanted to see.

Yusuke reached out and picked up Akira’s pair. “Did I?” He handed them to him.

This tended to be a typical morning procedure. “Thanks.” He was pretty sure Yusuke’s hands were covered in paint. Maybe it was inevitable his glasses would get messy. “You did.”

“I apologize. You seemed to be sleeping quite soundly.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Vision at last.

Yusuke seemed relieved. Akira was sure if he told him about his slug encounter, he would take a good fifteen minutes connecting it to art and philosophy. Which would be fine, but Akira’s face was kind of itchy and scratchy. He could tell him later. He picked at it a bit.

It wasn’t like Yusuke wouldn’t notice, obviously, but it probably gave him the wrong idea. “The paint is thoroughly non-toxic. There is nothing to worry about.” He rubbed hard on his hand.

Akira wasn’t worried. There were things to worry about with Yusuke, but he wouldn’t consider this one of them. Yusuke was particular, it was a completely defining trait of his. No, Akira would not trust him with their grocery money. He would also not trust him left alone in a candy store. But he was considerate, and precise, and attentive. Especially to his art. And especially, Akira would bashfully admit, to him.

He could still tease him a little though. “It’s not at all?”

Yusuke straightened himself up. Which was a little bit funny to watch with his typically impeccable posture. It was more like he shuffled his shoulders around and puffed out his chest. “Absolutely. I would never let you near such toxins, not even dream of such a thing.” It was hard to not constantly give Yusuke fond looks.

He failed. He was a fond look giving machine. “So a kiss would be fine?” He grinned a very bluish grin. Give him a smooch, art boy. It would probably be better than paint water. Actually, he really really hoped it would be better than paint water.

“Ah.” Yusuke said, giving a sigh. “An innocent request turned devilish, I see.” Yusuke was also a fond look giving machine. They could make it a competition. The most sugary and sweet one in the world. The kind that would give Morgana hairballs, the poor cat.

Akira didn’t say anything. He looked at Yusuke, guilty but not regretful, and waited. It was only a little devilish, he thought. He could do much worse. He could do better, too. But there was no fun in that.

Yusuke stood up, and walked right up next to Akira, standing just where he was before. Akira gave him an innocent look; he was good at those, and it made Yusuke smile. Which was only more reason to get even better at them. Lying at interrogations was just an added bonus.

Yusuke was an all or nothing kind of guy. Akira knew this. So he wasn’t surprised when Yusuke cupped his face and leaned down, to give him a kiss, first on the cheek, then on the lips. Soft and sweet. Lovey and dovey.

Akira was very unhappy to see that when they pulled away, a grand total of none of the paint had gotten onto Yusuke. A foiled plan. He wiped at his lips anyway. How rude, you mean to say he didn’t want second-hand (second… face?) paint on his mouth? Like some kind of moderately health conscious member of society? You drank paint water, Yusuke. You’ve eaten grass before, Yusuke! The thought made him chuckle.

“What is it?” Yusuke asked, sitting himself down on the bed.

He probably wouldn’t appreciate the thought. “Nothing.” Akira fiddled with a piece of hair. “Did you get the picture you wanted?”

The question made Yusuke beam. “Indeed. I took several. Adjustments do need to be made, however.”

“That’s good.” He was glad Yusuke had become accustomed to editing digital photos. He was very against it at first, pretty much because he didn’t really understand what the editing was. Not like, photoshopping things in. Just things like saturation and lighting. This was another little hobby he’d picked up. He had never accidentally recreated Isaac Newton in Adobe, though.

“I will most certainly show you the completed product.”

“I’ll look forward to it,” Akira said. His nose itched. Not really in a sneezy way, but it was annoying him. He wanted to sniff, but he also didn’t exactly want to snort up Yusuke’s project. Yucky. “I think I want to wash this off, now.”

“Ah, of course.” Yusuke moved to let Akira off the bed. He hovered there quietly as Akira got up, and followed him to the bathroom.

Okay? “What’s up?”

Yusuke pressed his lips together. “Oh. I simply wanted to help you. As a penance, perhaps.”

Akira scoffed. “Strong word.” He didn’t mind Yusuke helping. He’d probably need it, or he’d give up halfway and finish by midnight. What wasn’t inherently tender about getting paint rubbed off your face. Ugh, and the peeling. It wasn’t a super great smell, either. He was gonna have such a look going on for this. Cute.

They walked in. Akira turned on the light and readied himself for a face scrubbing. He wondered if there had been any that got in his hair. That would suck getting out. He looked in the mirror, his mind set on checking, and thoroughly surprised himself at his reflection.

So the bird guess? He was kind of sort of close.

He’d made his whole face very lightly blue. There were feathers painted around his eyes that very gracefully formed into wings bending out and upwards towards his forehead. Little patterns of flowers and leaves framed his face and fell in swooping designs. It was all done in different shades of blue, you had to really look at it to see all the detail. Except on his cheeks. In a thick gold sat long tears, layered on top of each other. They traveled all the way down to his chin.

It was pretty.

He wanted to touch it.

He pressed his fingers into his cheeks, and squished upwards. It was sticky, and it didn’t give way much. But the farther he went, the more it moved. It got on his hands. He was all smudgy now. This was incredible.

He was also being watched. “I’m not sure that’s the most effective way.” Yusuke commented.

“I feel like,” Akira kept on squishing, “the slime in those stim videos.”

He laughed lightly at that. “I suppose we do all experience art in our own ways.”

Akira watched Yusuke absentmindedly through the mirrors reflection, while still giving his face a very blue massage. He grabbed a rag, and turned on warm water. He also took out a bottle from one of their cupboards. Yusuke had all sorts of painting things stored away, so it wasn’t all that surprising. Akira had found about eight bottles of acetone in Yusuke’s dorm room years ago. He remembered gaining a certain understanding of Yusuke’s budgeting problems.

He placed his materials down. “Will you be satisfied soon?” He asked, now watching him closely.

Akira paused mid-squish. He looked at Yusuke from the corner of his eye. “You want to give it a try?” Why not.

Yusuke blinked at him. And then visibly considered it.

“I’ve no reason to object, I suppose.”

Double the squish. This probably could’ve gone fifty-fifty. Akira dragged his fingers off his face, careful not to touch anything. They didn’t need a blue bathroom too. He held his own hands, and let Yusuke reach over to him.

Yusuke, who gave this a little more forethought than Akira had, removed his glasses first. Yeah, smart move. He couldn’t exactly wear them while they washed his face, anyway. He followed Yusuke’s hands as best he could when he put the glasses down, and followed them back up as he rested his palms on Akira’s face.

He pressed inwards and held him there for a second, and then moved his palms farther up just past his cheekbones. It made Akira quietly giggle, just quick little exhales. It felt way weirder when someone else was doing it. Not that it hadn’t felt a bit weird when he’d done it himself.

Yusuke was smiling too. Akira was very adamantly keeping his eyes open, which sometimes proved to be a challenge. He was gonna sit there and stare him down like this was the height of romance.

Yusuke placed his thumbs on the crook of Akira jawline, and swiped with his fingers outwards on his cheeks. He stayed there. Akira leaned into it. “Having fun?”

Yusuke tapped his fingers. “As much as you will let me.”

Akira nestled himself farther into Yusuke’s hands. It scrunched his face up more. He felt so squashed. Now this was amore. He was the king of romance.

It made Yusuke laugh, just a little. “You know, we are wasting water.”

In reply, Akira (very masterfully) kept as blank as an expression as possible while giving him fish lips.

That got a real laugh out of Yusuke, and he took his hands away. It was always nice to get laughs out of him. He didn’t used to often. That was, other than his occasional hearty chuckle when he was feeling an odd kind of inspired. Akira liked those ones, too.

Yusuke scrubbed his hands as well as he could in the water, and then wet down the rag. “Let us get to work, then.”

He was very gentle, wiping off big pieces and rinsing the rag whenever it got cold. Alright, this may have been better than Akira had anticipated. Yusuke was considerate and routined. Working through section after section, and making sure no water dribbled down onto his clothes. It was almost nice, even with the inevitable scrubbing that came with it. Yusuke picked up the mystery bottle. Akira gave it a look.

Yusuke had always been good at reading him. “It is coconut oil.” He unscrewed the cap. “Oils do well to get paint off of skin.”

He made a little noise of understanding, and Yusuke went back to his work. It was less rough this time. He felt super greasy, though. He was pretty sure coconut oil was good for your face? Maybe this would turn out to be a miniature spa session. He wondered if Yusuke was any good at nail art.

“Close your eyes, now,” said Yusuke. Akira was also pretty sure coconut oil was not good for the eyes. Just a wild guess. He did as he was asked, and Yusuke went to work, very careful on his eyelids. Very very careful around his eyes.

That reminded him. “I have a question.”

Yusuke hardly hesitated. “Anything.”

“Why was I crying?”

Yusuke stopped, just for a moment. “Ah,” A silence sat. “It was only that, in your rest… you simply seemed horribly melancholic.”

He sounded so sad.

And Akira about choked.

Yusuke retreated immediately. “Have I gotten some in your mouth? I am terribly sorry.” Understandable question, he’d made him start coughing like a maniac.

He cleared his throat. He was fine, he was chill. “No, don’t worry. That’s not it.” He wiped around his eyes. Oil was kind of gross, actually.

“Oh.”

He should probably elaborate. Yusuke looked confused. “It’s just funny you say I looked sad.” He leaned down onto the counter. “I was dreaming about slugs.” Or, the everlasting woes of slugs, apparently.

Yusuke paused. Processing, a little bit. “Slugs… you say?”

Slugs… he said. “Yep.”

“Were they… causing you any discomfort?”

Akira shook his head. “They were just hanging out.”

Yusuke was obviously considering this. It made him smile too, of course, but he was certainly lost in thought.

He’d come to his conclusion. “Perhaps they meant something more profound. The ways of the subconscious are ever mysterious.” He wet down the rag again, and poured more coconut oil.

Did they need that much? “Maybe.”

Apparently, they did. Less is more, but more is also more. He started up again, lightly scrubbing. “You know, due to ancient influences, a slug is considered to be more of a spiritual being than an earthly being. In symbolism, that is.”

“Is it now?” He’d known this would happen. Of course it would, it was Yusuke. He always kept little random pieces of knowledge about symbolic references in art and literature.

Which, you know, was fine. He was happy to hear it. He was covered in paint and coconut oil, sure, but they were working on it. Sometimes, this was what your days were like. Lazy, and a little slimy. He hoped that his skin would glow like goddamn Polaris after this.

They’d fly down a list of topics, starting at one point and ending at another. Yusuke would lose himself in talking, and Akira would always love to listen.

So, the morning ended the way it began. Feeling goopy.

And slugs.

#hello no i did not forget about these!!!! im just slow #also sorry i am incapable of making things short and sweet #i mean it its kinda probably longer than these prompts are supposed to be;;;;;;;#but. whatever.#anyway!!! i hope u enjoy #ask #relationshipcrimes #my fics #my p5 fics

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lizardl0ver43 · 5 years

Text

okay okay okay. with all the flood of inital backlash against wayward son, i didnt see anyone say “ur stupid if u like the book.” it was just everyone’s honest thoughts, and some people were upset.

and yet... people in the wayward sun tag now are so fucking condescending, saying “lol yall r stupid the book was amazing u cant expect it 2 b all fluff”... and the thing is no one was expecting that! lol. a lot of us were expecting the book to actually confront and work through shared trauma. we knew going in that simon was going to b depressed! and as someone who knows what thats like, i was hoping for a narrative that deals with all the bad parts while still offering some semblance of hope! thats not naive or stupid to desire, especially when SO MANY queer stories are angst ridden and tragic and hopeless. part of why i loved how carry on ended was because it recognized the fact that everything wouldnt be suddenly okay for them, but encouraged simon to “carry on” and offered hope that they’d be able to come out on the other side someday! you can understand why wayward son undermines that interpretation. and im sorry but no one wants a story where characters are put through endless trauma and arent allowed any space to heal, even if just in baby steps. instead we got a kind of oscillation between conflict and happy moments with no actual progress. and i think it was 100% right for people to criticize that. especially since, going in those first few hours, we didn’t realize there’s probably a third book in store! now its common knowledge in the tag, but reading wayward son without realizing it’s setting up a sequel till the very end? heartwrenching. really upsetting!! people are allowed to criticize media lmao it isn’t “negativity” or “hate”..... like i see bs about the tag being more “positive” now and im like... it’s because the people who were let down kind of left after sharing our thoughts?? some of us have loved and, lets be real, projected onto these characters for years since the first book came out. and i think it’s highly personal how reading wayward son will effect you. some people loved it, okay! but as someone with severe depression, who was going in ready to relate 2 simon and excited to see an emotional, healing arc for him... when i realized it wasn’t going to be like that i was devastated. it’s shitty to say that people who didnt like the book as much for these reasons are somehow the stupid ones who dont understand rainbow’s master plan and just need to trust her... like GOD can you stop talking over people who are making very fair points! especially when a lot of criticism also points to other aspects, mainly the weak plot and all the remaining loose ends. (which uhhh frustration at a dissatisfying ending isnt the same as being like “boo hoo cliffhanger”) it pisses me off insanely when people are in the tag like “u guys are wrong wayward son is good did u expect butterflies and rainbows?” like stfu just say you liked the book without the insinuation that people who disagree with u dont make fair points

#wayward son #wayward son spoilers #snowbaz #rant alert!#u can tell who is upset because they are used to pain and suffering for lgbt characters #and who is happy because they somehow think thats subversive lol

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years

Text

religious disbelief josh balz x reader

+++++++++ The end is a little darker than I meant it to be 😬

this is my first time ever writing for balz so if it sucks im sorry. also its broken into parts, the beginning is the beginning of the school year and the other two parts are after graduation.

im making a balz one with a similar concept and completely different outcome so if this one was bad or hard to read that one will be much more light hearted I promise.

Song: the reaper by as it is

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @ryansitkowskiswifey @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @svintsandghosts @cynic-spirit +++++++++

i walked down the sidewalk shoulder to shoulder with my best friend. josh and i had known each other for what felt like forever, only recently had it turned into something more than a friendship though. i laughed at what he had said to me.

"i told you once, ill tell you a thousand times. the day i decide to get on that two wheeled death machine is the day i decided you can take me away from this town."

i hated his motorcycle just as much as i hated the thought of moving away. i was kind of scared of both to be honest. everything i knew was here, especially him and i didnt want that to change. he nudged my arm with his.

"im telling you, youd be perfectly safe riding with me. but if your stakes are getting you out of this town i will gladly find every excuse."

i shook my head at him.

"you know i dont want to leave."

he sent me a look.

"come on y/n you cant really want to stay here all your life do you? i mean, whats holding you back, your parents? me? hell ill be gone in a year anyways."

i frowned at him.

"and you would just leave without me? given that we're still together at that point that is."

he looked a little offended.

"you planning on leaving me by graduation in the spring?"

i laughed with him.

"of course not silly, im just thinking ahead. if you leave, what am i gonna do? we all know itll take an act of god to get me outta here. even if i did decide to leave on my own my parents would never let me."

he smirked at me.

"true about the parents, but maybe we need an act from something a little darker than God."

he winked at me and i shook my head at him as we walked up the stairs to my house.

"yeah keep saying that and you wont be able to come over anymore. ever since my parents found out you listen to metal music theyve added you to the prayer list at our church."

we both laughed a little at that. he took my hand in his.

"oh come on, when are you gonna stop going? we both know you hate organized religion, and you listen to metal too."

i giggled a little bit.

"just imagine if my parents knew about my tattoo."

i said quietly. he hugged me to him and kissed me gently.

"i think theyd burn it off you, your dad would at least."

he smiled down at me, pushing my hair away from my face as the wind blew it around. i raised my brows.

"wouldnt that be something."

he kissed me again. then there was a knock on the living room window that made me jump. i turned around to see me mom knelt on the couch watching us. josh waved at her condescendingly, making me laugh.

"dont provoke her."

i turned back to him and he kissed my forehead.

"ill see you later. we've gotta work on that science project after all."

he winked at me as he turned and walked down the steps to my house. when he was almost to the sidewalk he turned around and walked backwards, waving goodbye to me.

"i love you."

he called to me and i smiled widely at him.

"i love you too!"

i watched him for a second before opening my front door and greeting my mom with a smile.

"how was work?"

i asked as i made my way to the stairs.

"work was fine, just tired, i wanted to wait for you to get home before i went to bed though. its nice being able to see you everyday now, not just on weekends."

i held onto the stair rail as i turned to her.

"well im glad i get to see you everyday now too, even if it is just for a little bit. ill probably start dinner about five thirty before dad gets home."

she nodded.

"okay sweetie."

°°°°°°°°°

i stood in front of my mirror and nervously shook my hands out. graduation was finally over and we had gone back to the house for me to change before the school led lock-in for the graduates. i wasnt nervous about the lock-in though, i was worried about my parents realizing that josh would be there too. they barely liked him at the beginning of the school year and as much time as we spent together since my parents were getting more and more infuriated with him. it also didnt help that he liked to take them to the edge on almost everything, arguing and getting on their nerves as much as he possibly could. i was shaken from my thoughts when my mom knocked on my bedroom door.

"you ready baby? you dont wanna be late."

i nodded and picked my bag up off the floor.

"yep, we can go."

i looked in my bag one last time to make sure i had everything, phone, playing cards, medication, water bottle, the likeness. when we hit the bottom of the stairs my dad looked up at me over the newspaper he was reading in the low light of our living room.

"where did you get that shirt?"

he asked and i looked down at it. shit. i had gotten it from josh.

"uh, a friend."

he raised a brow at me.

"have i met this friend? surely not i suppose if they are giving you clothing with satanic symbols on it."

he looked over at my mom who was now wearing a frown too.

"do you have time to change?"

he asked and i looked down at the time on my phone.

"no daddy, im already late."

i said in my best pouty voice. normally that worked, he couldnt resist the charms of his little girl. i watched him fold the newspaper up and set it on the couch next to him.

"fine but when we pick you up in the morning its going in the trash."

i walked to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"okay daddy."

i followed my mom to the door and out to the car. when we were buckled in she took off towards school. i looked down at my phone and opened a message to josh.

"what are you wearing?"

i hit send, a second later he texted me back.

"am i supposed to say nothing?"

i tried to suppress a laugh and just shook my head.

"no dork, im wearing one of your shirts and i need to change into something less 'metal'"

i hit send again and waited. then i got a new message.

"sorry babe, i dont think thats gonna happen."

then i got the picture of him in another shirt with the same band on it. i breathed deeply and sent him back an 'okay.' when i looked up we were already pulling into the schools parking lot.

"when are we supposed to be getting you again?"

my mom asked as i stood out of the car. i leaned down and looked at her.

"uh dont worry about it mom, its super early so im just gonna have someone else bring me home."

i looked across the car, through her window at joshs motorcycle. damn him. i turned my attention back to her.

"okay baby, well ill see you tomorrow then."

"thanks mom."

i said, closing the door and walking into the school. as i walked up to the table to get my bag checked i noticed josh standing in the back next to one of the vending machines. A second later my phone buzzed. it was a text from him asking where i was. i smiled to myself, thanking the counselor for giving my bag back and walked quickly to him.

"im right here."

i said making him jump and clutch at his chest.

"jesus y/n you scared the shit out of me!"

i laughed and took his hand in mine, kissing his cheek.

"i think thats a small price to pay for bringing your motorcycle."

he blushed and gave me his best sorry face.

"i forgot?"

he said trying to play it off. i just shook my head at him.

"its whatever, ill grill you tomorrow when we leave."

he smiled at me.

"okay."

i squeezed his hand in mine.

"come on, i wanna see what all they had planned, i heard there was supposed to be a magician."

he laughed as me as i dragged him down the hall towards the gym.

"sure babe."

°°°°°°°°°

i held onto josh tightly as he pulled up in front of my house. i knew my parents would probably be awake already, dad at least getting ready for work. the sound of the motorcycle wouldnt be any help though. i stood up off of it and took my helmet off, swinging my hair out. josh took his off too.

"you want me to wait a minute before leaving?"

i looked back at my house, the sun barely peaking over our fence, it was still so early. I looked back at him.

"i was gonna say no, but maybe."

he nodded.

"text me when its safe to leave."

he winked at me and i kissed him gently.

"thanks for bringing me home."

i pushed my helmet into his hands and walked up to my front door, pushing it open. i was surprised it wasnt locked. i looked around for a second, seeing no one and ascending the stairs. when i moved to go to my room i heard my parents door creak.

"shirt."

my dad demanded. i turned to look at him and sent him a nervous smile.

"daddy can i at least change first? i just walked in the door."

he looked kinda mad. i knew i shouldnt have let josh bring me home on the bike. he held his hand out.

"shirt."

i frowned at him.

"okay just give me a second."

i stepped into my room and went to close the door but he pushed it back open.

"give me that damn shirt before i have to rip it off of you."

"cant i change by myself?"

he went to grab for it but i pushed him away.

"you got it from that no good josh kid didnt you? thats the friend. You know how we feel about him."

he said sternly.

"daddy hes my boyfriend."

he tried to grab at me again, holding the shirt firmly by the collar.

"i told you to stop seeing him. hes no good for you, especially if hes pushing you further and further away from god."

he moved his other hand up to tear the shirt but i held his hands in place.

"what is so wrong with that?!"

i shouted, eyes closing tightly. he paused for a second and i only opened my eyes back up when he let me go.

"how dare you say that in this house! if you are going to live under my roof you are going to love and respect the lord that built it."

"the lord didnt build shit! and maybe i dont wanna stay in this house anymore!"

he was fuming now.

"fine! you wanna go to hell? then you can fuck your boyfriend right to the gates of it, tell the devil kiss my ass while youre at it!"

he shouted at me, turning on his heel and storming out of my room. i breathed heavily for a second before looking outside. josh was still sat on his motorcycle out front, looking between his phone and the house. then i got an idea. i grabbed a bag from under my bed and started shoving shit in it, anything i could find. my favorite shirts, socks, undergarments, pants, money, anything id need. when it was full i slung it over my head, shoved my phone charger into my purse/bag that i still had on from the lock-in and stormed out of my room too. when i hit the end of the stairs i was met with my father sat on the couch, angrily putting on his work boots.

"where do you think youre going?"

he said a little snarky. i gripped my bag tightly.

"if you dont want a non believer living under your roof then ill find somewhere else to live."

i walked quickly to the door and just as i opened it he grabbed me by the hair, pulling me back.

"or maybe you just need an attitude adjustment."

he pulled me back and i reached out.

"let go of me!"

i practically yelled. i could hear him breathing heavily.

"you will learn to love and respect the lord as well as the family he has put before us. if you wont do it willingly, then ill make you."

"is that really a good idea?"

i heard josh say and i looked over at him standing in the doorway. my dad pushed me away from him.

"look at what youve done! youve corrupted my little girl! she's a satanist because of you!"

i ran to josh and he held me tightly to his side, he looked down at me as tears fell from my eyes.

"sir, in all due respect she has never once praised the devil. i would know, im the only one she hangs out with when shes not at home."

my dad looked beyond mad.

"if anything id say you pushing the lord down her throat her whole life has made her denounce your religion. so maybe you should be looking at yourself, not me."

my dad started after us and i pushed josh out the door, slamming it behind me. it swung open as we ran down the sidewalk to joshs bike.

"get back here you little shit!"

Josh jumped on first, starting it up and handing me my helmet.

"drive!"

i shouted as my dad got closer. next thing i new we were booking it down the street. i just held myself tightly to josh, resting my head on his back as tears fell heavily from my eyes. when we were a few streets over he stopped. i sat up and took my helmet off.

"you okay?"

he asked, holding his own helmet against him and looked at me very concerned. i sniffled and wiped my face.

"i am now. but i wanna get as far away from here as possible."

he looked between my eyes.

"are you sure?"

i nodded quickly.

"please josh, just take me somewhere safe. somewhere i dont have to deal with this anymore. wherever its just me and you."

he kissed me gently, pulling away and resting his forehead against mine.

"ill take you wherever you wanna go."

i pulled away and nodded at him.

"I love you josh."

I leaned forward and hugged him to me, feeling him kiss the top of my head.

"I promise I'll keep you safe."

#wattpad #x reader #miw #josh blaz #balz #imagines #one shots #unedited #178

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wongpuppy · 5 years

Text

FATED, huang xuxi

↳ Rating lots of fluff + slight crack

↳ Pairing player!Xuxi x Y/N

↳ Word count 5k [ one-shot / soulmate!au ]

↳ Summary the red thread of fate was real after all, managing to make something out of nothing

Red Thread of Fate: ancient Chinese mythology about the lunar matchmaking god Yuè Lâo tying a red thread around the ankles of destined lovers at the age of 21; regardless of place, time, or circumstances.

The DJ played hectic, bass heavy EDM tracks that contrasted drastically to the semi formal themed party. You down the red of the alcoholic contents in the red solo cup with a wide smile, turning to your best friend Ella.

“Thank you for forcing me to come! I’m having the time of my life!”

Stress has been your closest best friend lately, with all the exams and projects being thrown at you. So when Ella asked you to go out with her, you were definitely more than hesitant at first.

You throw your hands in the air and Ella smirks at you. “I told you you’d have a blast.”

The sea breeze flows through your hair when you close your eyes and throw your head back, appreciating the open decked yacht and everything this extravagant party had to offer. You were on some random yacht off the coast, still close enough to be able to see the city. The moon was completely full tonight, high and dominating the entire sky.

Your tipsy mind free from troubles and bad thoughts. You felt reborn the moment the time went past midnight.

The DJ announces that it was midnight and the crowd cheers heavily and you join, not really knowing why exactly the mass of people were going crazy.

“You never did tell me what club this is or event this was, you know.” You take another cup of beer from the bar and chug the whole thing down in one go.

Ella’s eyes widen at your question and she laughs nervously, sipping on the cup in her hands. “Funny story, Y/N.”

You motion for her to go along whilst nodding and dancing to the song the DJ played, not really focused on what she was saying.

“This isn’t a club or event.” She sighs and avoids your gaze. Eun says the next sentence quick and all in one breath, knowing exactly how you’re gonna take it. “Its Xuxi’s yacht, and he’s now officially 21!”

Your best friends throws her hands in the air as if to cheers, but you felt every ounce of alcohol fade once she mentions the younger boys name. Whether it was the tequila shots or just how much you hated him, your hearts been racing ever since Xuxi was brought into the conversation.

You knew you could never date a guy younger than you, even if it was just a few months younger like him.

“Are you fucking with me?” Your arms are immediately crossed against your chest as you stare at Ella with a narrow gaze.

Needless to say, Xuxi and your relationship was pretty worse for wear. You loathed him, his intensely cocky personality and ‘i’m richer and better than you’ attitude was a complete turn off. Everything about Huang Xuxi was a complete turn off.

“He invited us.” She shrugged. “You were having so much fun before I mentioned it was his party.”

Invited us? Give me a break. As far as you could tell, Xuxi hated you almost just as much as you hated him. He sneered at you whenever he saw you and even gave you the nickname Top Bitch. Which, to be honest, didn’t really sound all that bad to you.

“Exactly.” You sigh and feel a headache come out of nowhere, leaving you clutching your right temple. “I’m allergic to even the slightest mention of him, I just got a headache. I’ll be back, don’t think you’re in the green.”

You move past the crowd to get towards the bathroom, or anywhere that was at least somewhat quiet. Going inside the large living room, you walk towards a bathroom but when you knock and only hear explicit noises on the other side; you cringe and leave. So you go towards the main bedroom instead, walking in when no one answers your knock.

The empty and quiet room let you release a sigh in happiness, massaging your temples. Contemplating laying down on the large and inviting white bed, you go to the bathroom instead; only feeling your temples throb even more.

You wince as you walk towards and pull open the door to the bathroom only to jump back and shriek at the sight.

None other than Huang Xuxi was leaning against the sleek marble sink, clutching his forehead until he jumped at the sound of the door opening and a girly squeal. You watch him groan and wince before turning to you.

But, amazingly once you connect eyes, the throbbing pain is gone and all you feel is relief. Your shoulders relax, your head feels light, its like a wave of serenity flows all through your body. You couldn’t help but feel so at ease, its like you forgot who you were currently gawking at.

“Y/N?” Xuxi looks at you with dazed, confused eyes before looking you up and down, iris’ doubling size at the sight of your feet. “Oh my god.”

You quickly look down and you instantly get why, mouth falling open.

Your black minidress and strappy black heels allowed for a thin, glowing red thread to wrap and tie itself around your ankle. But it didn’t stop there, you watched in horror as it continued onto the bathrooms tilled floors and under Xuxi’s pants, presumably to tie around his ankle.

You swallow thickly. The string felt like nothing but Xuxi and you could definitely see it, the vibrant red surrounded by a bright white light.

“What the hell is going on? Did you do this? Is this some sort of joke?” You stare at the last visible end of the thread before it disappears under the tall, irritating boys pants. He sighs, still staring at your ankle and the ribbon with a disbelieving look.

“No, princess, its a stupid fairytale my dad used to tell me. Guess its fucking real, huh.” Xuxi squeezes his eyes shut and you’re stood there in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom still in shook. “Red thread of fate, a Chinese myth about a string that ties around two fated lovers ankles. We’re... We’re soulmates.”

The two of you stare at each other with disbelief written all over your faces, before you burst into laughter. “Thats a joke right? You’re definitely messing with me.”

When Xuxi continues to stare at you with his wide brown eyes, your laughter soon fades when you realize his facial expression wasn’t changing at all. Your face falls and you quickly reach down to your ankle, trying to pull at the string. Your hand just goes through it, as if it was just a hologram.

Your jaw drops. “H-How?”

“I don’t know.” Xuxi replies, eyes watching your hand go through the thread, yet the thread followed your foot wherever it went. “This... This is so fucked up.”

You grumble and give up, sitting on the floor and careful not to flash that guy-your soulmate your undies. Crossing your arms across your chest, the both of your eyes set on the thread connecting the two of you. You swallow thickly when a thought comes to your mind.

“Why aren’t you calling me Top Bitch?”

Thats when you fully take notice that this whole hour consisted of a very different Xuxi, one that hasn’t called you any names or threw a comment at you. He hasn’t cursed at you, hasn’t given you any looks, this was definitely unusual for Xuxi. This Xuxi was full of big, brown eyes that seemed to be permanently dazed. His words were softer, almost as if Xuxi’s voice got gentler the second he turned 21.

Xuxi’s eyes whip to yours and they’re obviously wide. “Holy shit. I haven’t called you that.” He swallows thickly and quickly looks away from your gaze with pink on his cheeks. “I don’t feel like I want to anymore.”

For the first time in the whole three years you’ve known Xuxi, your heart flutters for a second. But that one second is so profound it leaves you clutching your chest and shaking your head slowly.

“What is going on with me?”

“You’re falling for me, Y/N.” Xuxi lightly smirks for the first time since the two of you locked eyes, which is very surprising. He sighs a second later and taps the sink.

“Shut the fuck up.” You sneer at him and scrunch your face. “This is all my drunk mind and everything will wear off in an hour or two.”

Xuxi sits on the floor leaning against the sinks drawers. “Enjoying my party?” He’s sitting across from you and the end of his feet reach your knees where the ends of yours reach the middle of his calf. You take a quick inhale and look away.

“I guess. Then this crazy migraine came out of nowhere and now I’m here.”

“Same here. But its completely gone now.”

That definitely meant your headaches were connected. There was no way the both of you could get a headache at the same time then have it leave at the same time.

The red thread.

Your eyes narrow and you go to nudge his calf, but once your foot touches his leg, it was like adrenaline flew through your bodies, goosebumps instantly rising. And when you looked at the thread, it started to slowly loose its vibrancy. Your eyes widened.

“Xuxi, look, if we’re touching the string gets dimmer and fades really slowly. If I pull away it stops.” You show him and nod to yourself with a small grin. “So it should fade away the more we’re touching.”

When you look up at Xuxi, he looks as if he was daydreaming but looking directly at you. His lips were in a small side smile and eyes low. The way he managed to look at you pretty intimately made your cheeks pink. “I think that’s the first time you’ve said my name.”

“Thats definitely not true.” You scoff and can’t help but laugh under your breath. Xuxi’s grin widens just a little at the sight.

“Lets just say it was then.”

Your grin is unbearably wide and you couldn’t believe it, never once thinking Xuxi of all people would be making you blush. But then you remember that it was Xuxi and you clear your throat and rolled your eyes. “Please, Xuxi, how many other girls have you used that on?”

“If I’m being completely honest, a lot.” Xuxi twists the rings on his fingers and you scoff loudly. When you sit up to leave, he leans forward and lightly grasps the back of your calf and you let out an audible gasp.

It was crazy, it felt like butterflies that took a lot of steroids.

“But up until an hour ago, I’ve only been thinking about one girl and its only been you.” You’re standing up and you swallow thickly at the honesty in his voice and big, brown eyes. “Which is fucking insane because we’re supposed to hate each other... right?”

You run your hands through your hair and sigh. “Its this red string thing. But the feelings aren’t real, it’ll all fade, look.”

You point to your ankles and the slightly faded string but Xuxi keeps his eyes on you, swallowing thickly at your sentence.

“Don’t you... don’t you feel like this is something more?”

Your eyes snap back up to Xuxi’s and your throat goes dry. He immediately gets up and motions between the two of you. “I don’t know about you but I’ve never felt anything like this before and I’ve been in love, so, this is different.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Xuxi? In love? That was an idea you never would’ve connected. Yet, you couldn’t help but agree. Even if you’ve never really been in love, you’ve felt it and knowing exactly how much you hated Xuxi, whatever was still keeping you in the bathroom with him was powerful.

“Why us?” You sigh and squeeze your eyes shut. “I’m soulmates with a guy who sleeps with a different girl every night!”

“Hey.” Xuxi frowns and takes a few steps towards you. “Thats not true. You know I won’t do that to you, I’m not that type of guy in relationsh-“

This Xuxi was definitely one that you aren’t used to, seeing him in a completely different light. It was as if he really did care.

“I don’t know that you wouldn’t do that to me!” You point a finger to his chest and ignore the sparks that go off from the smallest contact. “And don’t talk about us in a relationship, take a few steps back.”

He rolls his eyes and holds his hands up, moving back and away from you. And even though you know you asked him to move back, you couldn’t help but feel a loss of comfort the more steps Xuxi took. You groan at the feeling.

“I need air.” You mutter, taking one last fleeting look across Xuxi and his big, wide eyes before walking out of the bathroom and bedroom, and out towards the empty front deck. The entire walk your eyes were focused on the red string around your ankle.

No one else seemed to notice the string, as it followed your ankle through the mass of people. When you got to the deck, you take a deep breath and sigh. The three years of unfortunate encounters with Xuxi and you could be compared to a cat and dog type of relationship. The two of you went at it back and forth, ever since you first met.

Three years ago

You and your friends were at some random dorm hall on campus, playing pool and chilling in the community game room. It was around 9:36pm on a Sunday so campus was almost empty, save for the guys playing pool casually next to you.

Not gonna lie, you noticed them the minute you walked in the room, talking to your roommate Ella. Especially the taller, blonde one. He was probably the most beautiful guy you’ve ever seen, with full lips and broad shoulders, he was definitely gonna be stuck in your head for a few days.

But when he caught you staring, he gave you a cocky smirk that had you rolling your eyes. If theres one thing you hated, it was a conceited guy who played girls with that exact smirk.

You’ve had too much experience and you were sure this wouldn’t add to it. In the corner of your eye you watch him and a couple of his friends walk over and you groan, nudging Ella. “They’re coming over.”

“Sheesh, blondies a looker. I caught you rolling your eyes when you saw him.” She sneaks a look at him and turns back to you with a satisfied grin.

“Not my type.” You cross your arms across your chest and boldly turn to watch him and his friends get closer. “He’s way to cocky for me, I feel it.”

“I like them confident.” Ella eyes you. “Can I go for him?”

“Go for it.” You shrug at her and turn back when the guy in question and his friends are in front of you and your friends.

“I don’t think we’ve seen any of you before.” The blonde guy keeps his gaze and smirk locked securely on you. “Do you live in the hall?”

“We live in Beacon across campus.” Even if Ella’s the one that spoke up and answered, Xuxi takes his time looking away from you to her. You scoff.

“Interesting.” He turns back to you with a cheeky grin. “I’m Xuxi.”

“My names Ella.” She holds out her hand towards him and he looks away from you with a little wink. You shake your head and turn to his friends instead. They seemed a lot calmer than Xuxi, the two boys now turned to you with warm grins.

“Hey, I’m Y/N.” You nod your head at them and they nod back. The one with light brown hair and a pretty smile answers first.

“My names Kun, I’m Xuxi’s roommate.”

“Sicheng, nice to meet you.” The boy with flawless features and light blonde hair replies.

“Nice to meet you guys too, both of you freshman?”

“No, Sicheng and I are sophomores. This is your first semester here?” Kun replies and you nod grinning at him.

“And you aren’t caught up by the force that is Huang Xuxi, impressive.” Sicheng smirks and you laugh a little, shrugging.

“Theres a lot more to a pretty face.” You look back over to Xuxi and where he stood with your friends a couple feet away. You turn back to them with a grin. “So what’re you guys’ majors?”

“Xuxi and I are both business majors.” Kun replies with a shrug. “I’m not really into it, more into editing and videography, which I do on the side.”

“I’m a theatre major.” Theres a faint pink hue that spreads across Sicheng’s face until he shrugs it off. “My parents wouldn’t let me go to acting school so this is the closest thing to that.”

You laugh loudly and shake your head at the two of them, already knowing you’re going to like them. “That’s really cool. I’m a bio major, but I might switch because it’s already getting hard and I don’t like that.”

Kun visibly cringes while Sicheng shrugs. The lighter blonde boy smirks at you, nudging Kun. “He failed intro to bio twice in his freshman year, it was pretty sad.”

You laugh again and when your eyes fleet across the room for a second, you catch Xuxi’s eyes. He turns back to you with another smirk.

“I don’t think I got your name.” Xuxi excuses himself from the girls before walking over to you without another word.

“It’s Y/N.” You give him an unimpressed look when he looks you up and down. He grins wolfishly.

“Thats a lovely name and, do I hear an accent?”

“Get her whole life story then her snapchat, bro, always works.” Kun scoffs and you grin at him. You pull out your phone towards Kun and Sicheng, away from Xuxi.

“Speaking of, can I get the both of yours?”

Both their eyes widen slightly before nodding and pulling out their phones and exchanging codes. Behind you, you can hear Ella and the girls hounding Xuxi for his snapchat and you release a sigh of relief.

Until Kun turns to the girls and asks for their usernames. Whilst Kun and Sicheng were getting the girls’ codes, it left you and yours truly free.

“So, Y/N,” Xuxi takes a few steps towards you, “my snapchats h-u-a-x-u-x-i.”

You raise a brow. “I don’t remember asking for it, do you?”

He looks confused for a second before his smirk grows. “You’re feisty, huh. Don’t worry, babe, I love a challenge.”

You scrunch your face in disgust, wondering how such pretty looks can be obscured by such a narrow personality. But before you could say anything, Ella’s voice calls Xuxi’s name and you sigh in relief.

“I’ll catch you in a bit, Y/N.” He winks at you while walking backwards and towards Ella. You wave with a fake smile before turning away with a roll of your eyes. You turn to Kun and Sicheng instead, enjoying their company much more than Xuxi’s.

Later that night you get a notification on your phone and its a request from none other than ‘huaxuxi’ himself. You nibble on your bottom lip for a few minutes before accepting it. And you already felt like you would regret this.

Xuxi: Kun spilled and told me your username :)

Y/N: tell kun i dont like him anymore

Xuxi: Does that mean you like me more?

Y/N: that would require me to like you in the first place :)

It only takes Xuxi a week before he realizes that you actually didn’t like him and decided that you thought of yourself too highly. From then came Top Bitch and the countless sneers and scoffs.

And thats just how it was for the both of you, never any different.

You’re sitting in the cafeteria with the girls when some of the NCT boys walk by, making you roll your eyes and sink in your seat lower catching a glimpse of who was there. But instead of walking up to your table, Xuxi just walks by and doesn’t even say hi making you furrow your brows.

“Did Xuxi just ignore me?” You mutter to Ella once he’s a good distance away. You keep looking at him sneakily behind her shoulder and when he catches your gaze, instead of smirk or wink, Xuxi glares at you. “Holy shit he just glared at me.”

“Maybe he gave up, isn’t that what you wanted?” Ella replies, shrugging at you.

“Yeah.” You say quietly, swallowing thickly when your throat goes a little dry. “Yeah, it is.”

⇝⇝⇝

It isn’t until that moment that you realized you completely ditched Ella. You groan and quickly pull out your phone from the back of your tight, strapless dress. Texting her where you were, you at least knew she would still be on the boat.

You put away your phone and sigh, leaning against the yacht railing and watching the moonlight play against the water, the full moon still bright and powerful. The cities colorful and lit skyline looks almost animated and magical.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

You turn your head to the sound of your best friends voice, Ella walking towards you with narrowed eyes. You sigh and shake your head.

“You wouldn’t believe what I went through.”

Ella raises a brow at you once she’s beside you. “Oh? Do tell.”

You nibble on your bottom lip and realize you didn’t even know where to begin. How do you tell someone that a magical, mythical Chinese fable about soulmates happened to you?

“Remember three years ago when we met Xuxi?”

Ella’s eyes get a bit widened, noticing the way you say his name without cringing. She nods and motions for you to go on.

“Why didn’t you ever go for him?”

“Oh, honey,” she sighs and rolls her eyes, “I tried. He was just too... preoccupied, I guess.”

“Preoccupied?” You furrow your brows and turn back to the view.

“Y/N, he was like hooked on you the minute he saw you. Theres no way you didn’t notice.”

You sigh loudly and face her with a stressed look.

“Do you see anything tied around my ankle?”

Ella gives you a funny look before looking down and confusedly on your ankle. “No? It’s too dark, here let me put flash on.”

You look down at the still half vibrant red thread that stood out in the darkness with a sigh. “Never mind, it’s okay.”

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Your best friend gives you a worried look, never seeing you like this before.

Your chin wobbles and you close your eyes. “Xuxi and I, we’re soulmates.”

Ella stares at you, waiting for you to shout ‘JK’ or to laugh it off. But your straight face doesn’t falter, making your best friends eyes widen.

“How do you know? Xuxi? Soulmates?”

Your eyes pull open and you sigh at her. “Its hard to explain but yeah it’s true.”

“Is it true to you though?”

You look at Ella’s face and hesitates before nodding a little. Now that you were apart from Xuxi, your mind was clear but there was an obvious divide. When you were with him there was electricity in the air, sparks flying from the slightest look. It felt like something else completely being around him, it felt nice. Inviting.

“Yeah, Ella, I do.”

⇝⇝⇝

Xuxi collapses on his bed with a loud sigh, already feeling his headache coming back. He knew you were walking further and further, spending three minutes earlier just watching the red thread twist and turn.

Theres no time for him to be alone with his thoughts as his best friend Sicheng walks in a few seconds later. “Xuxi, bro, why are you still in here? The parties outside!”

Xuxi sits up on his bed and rubs his hands over his face. “Have your parents told you about that myth about the red thread of fate? About the soulmates?”

Sicheng furrows his brows and gets up from his place where he was leaning against a desk table. His confused face was obvious, Xuxi never being the one to talk anything about love, feelings, or soulmates. “Yeah, why?”

“Its true, bro.” Xuxi sighs and avoids Sicheng’s eyes, focusing on the floor. “Y/N and I...”

Sicheng’s eyes snap down to the exact placement of the thread and he comes closer. “I don’t see anything, Xux.”

“Obviously.” The taller boy motions for the vibrant red string. “But Y/N and I definitely do.”

“No fucking way.” The other Chinese guy shakes his head staring at Xuxi’s ankle. Until a smirk blooms on his face. “Y/N, though? I’m not surprised.”

“Right?!” Xuxi groans and stops, realizing Sicheng said the complete opposite of what he thought the guy would say. “Wait, what do you mean? We hated each other.”

“In the whole three years we’ve known each other, Y/N’s the only girl thats been consistently in your life that isn’t family.” Sicheng shrugs and continues to smirk at the boy sitting on the bed. “Which is insane because, you know, it’s you. And I am now 30 dollars richer thanks to you and Mr. Kun.”

Xuxi completely skips over the second sentence once Sicheng finishes talking, turning to the boy with wide eyes and an incredulous look. “The both of you bet on Y/N and me?!”

“To date, yeah, but this whole fate thing is basically the same thing, right?” Sicheng laughs loudly and winks at Xuxi. “I’m joking, man. But, knowing Y/N, she isn’t too happy with this?”

“That’s an understatement. She’s outside getting air.” Xuxi lays back down with a groan. “When it went past midnight, its like my feelings towards Y/N flipped. I feel so different towards her, like, I don’t mind this whole... situation, you know? The whole soulmates thing?”

“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” Sicheng claps loudly, instantly pulling him out of his reverie and forces Xuxi on his feet. “Go and tell her that!”

“Are you sure?” Xuxi gives him a small look, not really knowing what to do in this position at all. He was used to girls but you were something completely different, not like any girl he’s ever dealt with. The last thing Xuxi wanted to do was piss you off, knowing how heated you would get.

“One hundred percent.” The shorter boy shrugs with a smirk. “When am I ever wrong, Xux? Now, go!”

Xuxi hurriedly runs out of the bedroom without a second thought, racing to find you. It was clear as day in his mind now, Xuxi realized that all these years of detesting you was nothing but a hoax, because if you were ever somehow out of his life; Xuxi wouldn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t stop to wink or talk to girls, only thanking and waving at the people who told him happy birthday. Xuxi was a man on a mission, racing through his yacht to get you.

“Y/N.” He gets to the front deck and slows his steps when you aren’t alone. Your best friend, Ella, he recognized, stood beside you with dear in headlights eyes. “Oh, shit, sorry, I thought you were alone.”

“Oh! Its okay, I was just asking about rides back home.” Ella laughs nervously, nudging you low key. “I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

You nod and watch your best friend leave, not without throwing you a thumbs up and wink before she was gone. When its just you and Xuxi, the electricity is back and the headache is gone.

“Your headache stopped too?” You ask him and he nods at first before he realizes what you asked and Xuxi’s eyes widened.

“How did you know my head hurt?”

You shrug and the corner of your lips pull up. “Soulmate thing.”

Xuxi’s eyes focus on your smile for a second longer then bubbling laughter flows out of him. He takes some steps closer to you, reaching forward to hold your hand. Theres the feeling of pop rocks the second your hands touch and its addictive.

“The feelings aren’t fake or gonna fade in a day or two.” Xuxi clears his throat and blushes a little, the tops of his ears turning red. “They’ve always been there. This whole string thing just made me realize it.”

The moonlight, colorful city lights, and fairy lights decked throughout the yacht made this moment so magical, for the first time that night, you fully believed in the old Chinese wise tale.

“You piss me off a lot but I don’t know what I’d do without it.” You say with a shrug, smirking not long after. Xuxi chuckles and bites down on his lip, looking down at you.

“Are you willing to give it a shot, Y/N?”

You sigh and playfully roll your eyes, standing closer to him. “I guess I will, Xuxi.”

The red thread between the two of you dissolves almost all together the longer the two of you keep smiling at each other. Seconds later, fireworks go off in the backdrop and scares you, making you shriek and jump. Xuxi laughs loudly and holds you against his chest, watching the colorful lights in the sky.

“I forgot the fireworks went off at 2am.”

“Why 2 in the morning?” You laugh loudly, unable to stop yourself from clutching onto his chest to get closer. The warmth Xuxi gave off was so inviting.

“So people don’t forget it’s my birthday.” Xuxi smirks to himself, obviously proud of himself. You roll your eyes but laugh none the less.

“You’re unbelievable, Xuxi.”

#xuxi is my soulmate im convinced #i also loveee this chinese myth i lowkey want to write more with it for other members but idk #neowritingsnet #huang xuxi #nct xuxi #lucas wong #nct lucas #wong yukhei #nct yukhei #nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #soulmate au #nct soulmate au #lucas soulmate au #nct writing #nct lucas fluff

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snake-noodles · 6 years

Text

Flowers of Flesh and Blood

Characters - Deceit, Virgil, Roman, Logan, Patton Pairings - Loceit, but it’s kinda not really healthy

Word count - 8880 Warnings - Unhealthy relationships, stalker-like behaviors, yandere logan, Deceit i guess but hes chill, non consensual touching/kissing, cursing, violence, descriptions of wounds, gore, touch starvation, touch deprivation, kidnapping, minor nsfw- but nothing really sexual happens, major character death, lacerations. Please ask to tag if I forgot anything.

AU - Inventor Au, made by @whos-she-never-heard-of-her !

Notes - Deceit’s name will be Ethan.

I absolutely loved the AU idea- and I got so many writing ideas for this. It turned out kind of long, but I do hope its ok! I just.... love the concept so much?? 10/10 onto the story

This took MONTHS to complete and I know it got kind of long but i jsut?? My motivation was turning on and off like a lightswitch so im sorry it's so delayed and out of nowhere kfbdnfndnf

---

A STEM assistant, huh? The vitiligo boy stood there, staring at the ad printed. He had just gotten out of college, and he considered himself to be somewhat skilled. He was also in need of a job for the summer. He blinks. This would be a gold mine, huh? He looks though the other jobs- just in case there could be anything else to look over. Maid service, janitor needed, dog keeper. Low pay for all of them, too.

It seems this would be his best bet, though he wasn’t sure how well he could keep up. If this job fails, he could always be a maid, he snickers at his own joke, shaking his head. He’d rather die.

But, in actuality, he was quite excited for this job opening, though he wasn’t sure if he’d be accepted for some… specific reasons. Most people we him as a discolored freak, but this is an inside job, right? He huffs, finally deciding and dialing the number set on the ad.

He wasn’t sure when he was supposed to get a call back, or if he’d ever even get one- but he almost forgot about it until he heard his phone ringing. He quirks an eyebrow, taking a swig from the tea he had just made and swipes up his phone to see who had called.

He blinks, suddenly remembering, and he nearly spits out his tea. Why is he nervous? Oh jeez, this could go in so many different ways.

But, he steadies his breathing, and answers the call.

"Hello?" He answers in the most formal way he can muster. The other line is quiet for a moment, and he nearly hangs up, thinking he had gotten the wrong number, before he hears the voice speak.

"Yes, hello, sir." He states, his voice crisp and clear, even though the slight static of the phone. It sent a chill down the boy’s spine, but he stays silent, waiting for what the other has to say.

"Let's see… Ethan Greene, yes?"

"That’s me." He resists the urge to lie, that might make this a million times worse.

"I’m calling to let you know that you will be my assistant starting tomorrow at 7 am If you do not make it on time, you will be fired. Good day, and I suppose I look forward to working with you." And then the phone clicked, signaling that the inventor had hung up.

His brain was still trying to process what the hell was just said to him. Well, he got the job but holy Shit with a capital ‘s', this dude was hella strict. 7 am? And he’ll get fired without question if he’s late? Holy fuck.

He stood in his kitchen for an awkwardly long amount of time. He should set an alarm. Maybe.... 6 am.

How the hell did he sleep past his alarm. It was already 6:30, and he was awoken by his neighbor mowing. At first, he was annoyed for being woken up so early. Then he remembered.

"How the hell did I sleep past my alarm?!" He shouts, jumping out of his bed and already getting dressed.

He’s usually a perfectionist, but he doesn’t really have the time to straighten every single strand of his hair or take a shower.

In the end, he just ended up wearing a button up shirt and some worn jeans cause he had no idea what the dress code was for this fucking job.

He nearly cringed at himself looking in the mirror. Jesus, he looks like a curly haired mess. What if he just… Adds a necktie. Then he’ll be 20% more serious looking.

Looking over at the clock, he yelps, and rushes out the door after he makes sure he has everything. He’s only got 15 minutes. But thank whatever god is out there for speeding.

But, he arrives at the address given to him, and he pauses, checking to make sure it’s the right place. Once he confirms with himself, he walks up and knocks on the hard oak door.

He felt somewhat nervous standing here, but he tried not to let it show as he waits at the door.

Logan was already awake at 5 am, busy with upgrading his AIs, and making sure it was all perfect.

To be honest, he wasn’t too excited to have a partner, but he did need the extra hands now that he’s working on Virgil. Oh well, hopefully they won’t get in the way. Not that he really even cares- he could just fire them. In fact, working with another person in these conditions could be dreadful. He doesn’t usually depend on others, and now that he’s meeting someone for the first time in ages, he isn’t exactly sure what to expect.

But, he hears a firm knock on his door, and he glances over at the wall clock, humming in amusement. 2 minutes early, hm? He was almost positive they wouldn’t make it. He hums, standing up from his desk and making his way to the front door. He waits for a second, thinking of what he should say before opening the door slowly.

“Ethan, yes?” He greets, staring down at the shorter male.

On the other hand, Ethan was trying not to panic over how tall this guy was. Holy shit. He knows that he’s already kind of short, but damn this guy is a giraffe.

He was tall, and slim with an extremely pale complexion. He must not go outside too often. His eyes are dark, and slightly sunken in, and glasses rest on the bridge of his nose. He wore a lab coat too, that gave away that he’s Serious about this job. Ethan gulps nervously.

“Yeah, that’s me, I’m here for the job.” He explains, and Logan stares adjusting his glasses. It was a bit uncomfortable, and he didn’t know how he should feel, but after a few seconds, he stands aside, letting the vitiligo boy through.

Walking in he blinks. This place is… dark. And dusty. He looks around, before looking over at the scientist.

“So what is it that you need me to do, mister… uh…” He pauses, realizing that he doesn’t know this guys name. A+ socializing skills. “Logan. Logan Sanders. All I need you to do is clean up my workspace and make sure my creations are in proper working condition. If not, perform the required maintenance on them.” He hums. “There’s other things that I will require your help with, but we can wait for those. As of now, please perform your duties I have written out for you while I work on my latest project. And, do not interrupt my work.” He states, handing the other some papers. Ethan blinks, nodding slowly. When he signed up for this job, he didn’t think he’d have to be doing chores for this guy.

But, it was a good pay, and it wasn’t the most difficult of work, so he couldn’t really complain. Before he could ask any questions, Logan disappeared into his work space. Letting out a sigh, he gets to work.

Sort things out, keep things clean, blah blah blah. He didn’t really care all that much, but, he was intrigued in whatever these “creations” were.

The paper said they’d be in his work space, he just has to make sure he doesn’t bother Logan. He lets out a sigh, rolling up his sleeves. He had a feeling that it’d be a long day.

Logan sat in his office, adjusting his glasses as he took notes on Virgil’s current behavior. He was still a work in progress, so he was nothing but an endoskeleton. His programming was a bit messy, so that’d have to be fixed. He taps his pen to his lip, thinking as he watches the robot. It didn’t have any free will yet, so it just moved in patterns that he had programmed. This one might take longer than the others.

He picks up his tools, but is quickly interrupted when the door opens, and Ethan walks in. Well, he half stepped in, and then started staring at his creations, a look of shock and awe on his face.

Logan stares at the boy, saying nothing. It’s been a long while since he’s been with another human. It was quite strange. Seeing the rising and falling of the chest, the natural hair, the emotion in the eyes. It was hard to capture such a thing in his creations. They may look realistic, but they’re still metal. Perhaps one day he could create a perfect copy of a human. Though, it would take a very long time.

But, he couldn’t help but stare at the other as he checked up on the creations. He was quite different from most people he’s seen. His skin was quite beautiful, he wonders what caused such a discoloration. Logan hums, tilting his head slightly. Intriguing. Perhaps he could write some notes.

He turns back to Virgil, scribbling down some quick notes on a stray piece of paper while Ethan was still trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to open up this thing.

He huffs, blowing some hair out of his face as he pokes and prods at the human-like robot. The robot was… tall, though a tad bit shorter than Logan. It also looked like a suburban white christian dad, but who was he to judge. He just hoped these things weren’t sex bots. That’d be kinda gross.

But after 10 minutes of attempting to figure this robot out, he looks over at Logan. He thinks a bit, before tapping his shoulder from behind.

"I totally understand what I’m doing right now. And I totally don't need help." He huffs, before quirking an eyebrow, noticing how Logan had gone stiff.

Logan blinks as he feels something tap his shoulder. His robots should be off, how come-. Then he heard Ethan’s voice, remembering that he’s there. He didn’t really know how to feel- being touched by another human… It made him feel strange, and conflicted. The only other contact he’s had is from artificial skin. It takes him a moment to process, but he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and turns his head to Ethan.

"If you do not need my help, why bother me?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. The other stares, confused for a second.

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you." He laughs a bit. "I’m a bit of a compulsive liar. It just kinda… slips out, y'know? But, anyway, I dunno what you want me to do. You want me to check the robot’s insides, right? I’m a bit confused on how to open him… her… it.”

Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He really had to hire someone like this? A liar, of all people? Well, at least he wasn’t lying about his degree, so he knows what he’s doing. No one else accepted the offer, either.

But, he stands slowly, walking over to Patton, and opening up his stomach effortlessly, Ethan watching close behind.

"See this box here? Be careful with it, you could get shocked if you touch it the wrong way. All I need you to do is to make sure everything is in the right place." He says this, and without another word, goes back to his desk.

He hums, looking at his paper before pushing his hair out of his face and checking over the robot. It was.. Extremely detailed, and he was honestly super impressed. It was so realistic, and extremely advanced from what he can see. He wonders what it’d be like if it were on. Hopefully it wouldn’t kill him, that’d be a little disappointing.

But, he leans in carefully, checking between the paper and the insides of the robot. He wasn’t used to working with something so advanced. Of course, he could handle it, but it might take him longer than it usually does. He hopes Logan doesn’t mind that, he seems kind of… strange, to put it in the nicest way possible.

Thought he can’t help but wonder if this guy is even trustworthy. He’s some creepy giant who stays in this dark house with hyper realistic robots. It was a little weird the more he thought about it. I mean, he seemed… Okay? He hasn’t really hurt him, and did help him, but he couldn’t be certain just yet.

But, on another note, he finishes up with the two robots he was told to check up on. In all honesty, he was a bit exhausted. He never really got up early, and he wasn’t the most active person in the world. Hopefully that wouldn’t bother Logan- despite all of the red flags, he does need the money to, y’know, actually survive for the summer.

But since he was finished, he comes up behind Logan, watching him work.

“What’re you working on, Logan?” He asks, looking the endoskeleton up and down. Logan pauses, leaning forward to avoid the physical contact that would inevitably happen. He wasn’t used to it, but he knows he’ll have to. He sighs quietly, pausing his writing.

“What does it look like I’m doing? You should get back to work.” He huffs, narrowing his eyes at Ethan.

“Oh, I’m totally not done, Doc.” He says in a sarcastic tone, rolling his eyes. “So, like, is there anything else you need me to do or can I leave?”

Logan pauses, thinking if there’s anything else the boy could do for him.

"Not that I can think of… But don’t think your job will always be this easy, you’ll have more tasks tomorrow." He states this, closing his eyes.

"Oh joy, I absolutely cannot wait to work for you." He mutters, rolling his eyes.

"You could always quit if you don’t want to work for me." Logan looks over, the slightest hint of a smirk on his face. Ethan couldn’t tell if he liked this slick bastard or not.

"Ugh, you’re annoying." He growls. "Fine, I’ll keep working. I need the money anyway… Speaking of, when do I get paid?"

"End of the week. Hopefully you’ll last long enough to get your pay." He hums, clicking his pen.

Ethan stares. That statement could mean so many different things and all of them sound bad. He liked this guy. Hopefully he doesn’t die on the job, though. That’d be inconvenient.

Logan, on the other hand, can’t help but stare as the other leaves. He doesn’t exactly know how he should feel, but his hand goes to his shoulder, and he tries to imitate the small amount of warmth he felt when Ethan had touched him, but it didn’t work. It didn’t have the same… spark to it.

Maybe tomorrow he’d get another chance. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to feel that warmth again. Oh well, those urges would probably leave after he got whatever it was he desired.

But of course, that didn’t happen.

★☆★

The next morning, Ethan found himself waking up early. Maybe too early. At least he has time to look somewhat decent, last time he was in a hurry. But it was 5 am, and he sat in his kitchen, drinking warm coffee. He didn’t usually drink this stuff, but he wanted to not act like a corpse today.

He just hoped today wouldn’t be as long. That probably wouldn’t be the case, but god he wishes it was.

"Ugh." He lets out a groan, eyeing the clock with an annoyed gaze. He’s just gotten out of college and adult life is already so god damn tiring.

He slaps his cheeks, trying to wake himself up, and he goes to his room to get dressed.

The sun was… Extremely bright this morning, and stung his already tired eyes. It just made him dread the day even more as he changed into his yellow dress shirt.

He thought of wearing his jacket too, and even though it’d look good, he’d be a puddle the second he walked out of the door. He instead wore a black vest. Still stylish, so suave. A real lady killer.

Haha.

He would never touch a lady in his life.

He walks out the door around 6:30, adjusting his hat to block the sun out of his eyes. It was a beautiful day, despite the boy’s annoyance. The birds were singing, and the flowers were vibrant, too.

He made a mental note to himself to get some flowers for his house later.

But, he arrives at the somewhat menacing house, only ten minutes early.

He gives the old door a knock, tapping his foot as he waited for an answer. But, the one who answered the door wasn’t Logan.

"Oh, good morning, sir!" The robot greets, a friendly smile on its face. The robot was the same one from yesterday- the one that kind of looked like a dad.

"Morning… Is Logan here?"

"Master Logan is currently buying more supplies. He should be home shortly. He has left me and Roman in charge!"

The voice was cheerful and warm, but had a robotic undertone. It was actually quite calming, though creepy knowing it’s coming from something that isn’t human.

They were so realistic… The man had serious talent, and he didn’t know if he should be amazed or concerned.

"So who’re you then?" He finally asks.

"Oh! I totally forgot! I’m Patton, it’s a pleasure meeting you, mister Ethan!" He holds his hand out for a shake, in which Ethan reluctantly takes.

"So he’s out? Is there anything I should do, or should I wait for him to return?"

“You should be fine to wait, sir! He will only take a few minutes, after all.” The robot smiles in a way that made Ethan feel somewhat nervous. Jesus, how life-like can these things get? It felt as if he was talking to another person. The thought sent a chill down his spine.

Patton moves out of the way, allowing the boy entry. He walks in, putting down his bag and sitting down on the surprisingly comfortable couch.

The whole place- despite being dusty and dark- was quite nice. It was quite comfortable compared to where he was staying. He wondered how rich this Logan guy was. The place was quite big, and he had access to equipment and parts that could create extremely realistic humanoids. Did he have a job? Did he work at home? Sell his creations? Is he a criminal?!

He rolls his eyes at his own thought. How stupid- he may be a bit weird, but he doesn't seem like he'd hurt anyone. He looked quite… frail, too. Though, his skinny structure sort of added to his creepiness. Tall, pale, dark haired… Like a guy you'd see in a Tim Burton movie.

His thoughts were cut off as the front door slowly opens with a long creak. Logan walks in, not even sparing a glance to Ethan as he immediately goes into his office, holding various different things. It was surprising he could even hold all of that due to how skinny he was.

He simply blinks, raising an eyebrow. Did he not even notice that he was here? He sighs, his shoulders slumping. He doesn't get this guy at all…

Standing up slowly, he stretches his arms out and walks over to the office, giving a knock on the door.

“Hey, Lo, I'm here.” He announces, a hint of annoyance in his voice as he crosses his arms and waits outside the office.

Logan's mind was a bit more active than it usually was today. He was having a bit of trouble due to this, and was trying to do too much at once. He blinks, hearing a knock at his door. Pausing, he racks his brain for what he was supposed to make his assistant do today.

Oh, yes, he should probably let him in first. He sighs, adjusting his glasses and opening the door slowly, allowing the other boy entrance.

“Took you long enough..” He hears the other boy mumble, but he says nothing, instead staring.

What was this sudden rush he was feeling? He was already feeling out of it, but now that Ethan was here, he felt… strange. Lightheaded, almost. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. It felt as if he was a robot losing power… This was nothing new.

So instead of fighting it, he lets his legs give out and he falls to the floor with a thud, falling asleep rather quickly, leaving Ethan to quickly rush to his side.

★☆★

When he woke up again, he felt hands on him. That part was normal. But, something felt strange… His eyes flutter open slowly. He looks over, seeing a pair of hands. Roman? No, Roman is more tan than dark.

…

Oh, yeah.

“So you're finally awake, asshat?” A voice huffs. He blinks slowly, sitting up as he feels the comforting warmth quickly leave him.

“... My apologies. That was unprofessional of me.” He mumbles, adjusting his tie.

“Patton explained it to me. So this is a normal thing or whatever?”

“I suppose you could say that.”

The two sit in a silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't very nice either. Logan stands up slowly, his hand instinctively going to his arm- where he had been touched. He really didn't understand, but his heart… His heart was pounding like a drum. What is wrong with him? Perhaps he could ask Roman or Patton later- he has no time for an actual doctor or therapist.

“So…” Ethan speaks up, thinking of what he should say. “Do you need me to leave? If you're not feeling good, I wouldn't want to bother you.”

Despite being a bit worried for the man, he was also desperately wanting to go home.

“... It's fine, just get to work.”

He figured that he'd get that answer. He sighs, standing slowly.

“Alright, okay. What’s today's work?”

Logan goes quiet, thinking. Ah, yes, he prepared another paper. He turns to his desk.

“Here…” He mumbles, grabbing some papers and handing them to the smaller boy, which he takes quietly, reading over the instructions.

“Yeah I think I got it. But, uh, what's this mean?” He asks, raising an eyebrow and pointing to ‘If Virgil is left unattended, do not bother him’. Sounds kind of dangerous.

"Exactly what it says. Do not touch him, he's dangerous as he is still just an endoskeleton.” He explains, turning away and sitting at a desk.

Ethan stares at the paper, and then to the endoskeleton in the corner of the room, having only half of a face and wires sticking out of it's back. It was quite scary to look at without context. Well, even context it was scary. He still wonders what Logan is trying to achieve with these robots.

He tries to shake the thought from his head, and he goes to his tasks.

Work went normally, for the most part. There were small occurrences, but nothing that signaled any red flags. Just normal. Ethan originally thought he'd hate the guy, but to his surprise, Logan was very nice despite his cold appearance. It's been maybe a month and he enjoys being with the other. They don't talk much, but it's fine. He doesn't like wasting his breath on small talk anyway.

Logan, on the other hand, was conflicted about his feelings. It's been a month and 3 days. He was acutely aware of that. He still had the urge to feel that warmth. As much as he tried to hold those urges down, he couldn't exactly control them. Even if it was simply brushing against each other, it made him go mad. But, not in a bad way. Everything would feel… tingly, and his heart would pound against his chest. He's never felt such feelings before.

He often finds himself thinking about Ethan. But, he never stops it. People normally do this, right? There's no reason to be concerned. He just wants to feel his skin. His hair looks soft too… his eyes so wet… He just wants to look at him.

He puts his hand to his heart, trying to calm his emotions as he stands in his office, his breathing shaky and his face tinted red. He grabs onto his desk for support as he lets out airy laughs.

He stood there alone with himself as his head ran wild. These feelings make no sense, but he loves it. He wonders if he could always feel like this… He's not certain, but if there was a way, he'd stick to it all of the time.

Maybe Ethan is just what he needs.

They're friends, right? Maybe he could try and get closer without warrenting any suspicion. He bites his lip, staring down at the papers on his desk. He couldn't help but think of the other.

He had never really had any family or friends to talk to. Is this what it's like? This rush of blood? The pounding of the heart? Stumbling, he slowly lowers himself into his seat, picking up his pen.

But going by those means, that would mean that Ethan is his first friend. He laughs a little, biting at the inside of his mouth. Apparently if friends get close enough, they can have a courtship.

A courtship? Why is he thinking of such unnecessary things? Though, the thought of hand holding and… hugs do sound quite lovely. But does he really feel that way? They’ve only known each other for a month and three days, after all! It's as if his mind is working against him to confuse his emotions. He shakes his head, scribbling on a blank sheet of picture.

Surely not. He’s just confused. Caught up in emotions of friendship.

It will go away soon enough, he's sure of it.

★☆★

The sun rises and Ethan's alarm sounds, waking him up with a groan. His back was sore from yesterday’s work. He hoped today wouldn't be as draining. He stretches out, and after getting ready, leaves his place.

And he once again found himself in front of the menacing house. Despite considering Logan a friend, he really wishes he had more breaks. But, he couldn't exactly complain. The pay was good and the work wasn't killing him. He sighs, wondering if he should turn and leave. But, no, that'd be shitty.

He shakes his head, deciding to commit as he knocks on the door. Once again, the door wasn’t opened by Logan. Though, that was normal for him at this point.

“Ah, good day dear Greene! How may I help you on this fine morning?” The robot greets, a dazzling smile on it's face. Ethan laughs nervously.

“Nothing, Roman, I'm just here for the usual.” He shrugs. “Can I come in?”

“Why, of course!”

Saying that, he moves out of the way and Ethan lets himself in quietly.

“Ah, Ethan! Master Logan instructed me to tell you to get to work right away!” Patton calls as he pokes his head into the room.

“Right. Will do.” He mumbles, setting his things down and walking into the office.

In there, his eyes landed on Virgil, the endoskeleton. But instead he was on the desk instead of at his usual corner. That didn't exactly sit right with him. He was told not to touch Virgil, but… He was a professional too, damn it. He can handle a work in progress.

Sighing, he walks up to the endoskeleton, looking for a way to switch it off. But, as soon as he touched the creation, he felt a stinging pain on his cheek and his eyes widen. The robot had sliced him. Probably with a loose piece of metal. He puts a hand to his cheek, flinching when he feels his own blood. He looks to the robot who was now sitting still. He wondered what had triggered such a reaction. He sighs, only to wince in pain. He should find something to stop the bleeding.

But at that moment, the door opens, and Logan stands there with an unreadable expression. It doesn't take him long to turn Virgil off and grab a small white box off of his bookshelf.

"What the hell were you thinking?” Logan scolds, rummaging through the kit.

"Hey, I'm not a kid, I can handle a robot. He wasn't in his usual spot so I was trying to help.” He hisses, shifting his eyes away, hand still on his cheek.

Logan says nothing, reaching his arm out, hesitating for a second, before grabbing Ethan's arm. It wasn't intended, but he pulled him a little harder than he meant to, making the other flinch.

But he follows the other's movements and sits down. Logan stares at him, realizing how close he is to the other.

No, now's not the time. He shakes his head, wiping up the blood. But despite this, he still adored the warmth. His skin was so soft. He just… wanted to keep touching it.

Even his blood was mesmerizing. That beautiful red against his dark skin. How beautiful.

He notices the other flinch, and he holds down the urge to smile. Sensitive, is he?

He wonders what the boy would look like covered in bruises.

It took awhile, but Logan finishes up, placing the bandaid carefully over the thin cut. It still stung, and he couldn't really smile or talk without feeling a stinging pain from it.

“Thanksssss…” He slurs that out, hissing out in pain once again. He rubs his cheek carefully, eyeing Logan.

He sure did take his time on that injury. It was a little awkward for him. It shouldn't have been that bad of a cut, right? A bit of suspicion rises in him, but he doesn't question it. What else could he have been doing anyway? He has no reason to feel this way.

He shakes his head. Whatever.

The day continued as normal after that point, but thoughts ate away at the back of Logan's mind. How dare his own creation hurt Ethan?! He didn't create Virgil for him to attack others. And Ethan, of all people.

He'll have to teach him a lesson after the other leaves.

“I'm off.” Ethan states, stretching his arms out above his head. He pauses for a second, as if wanting to say something, but stays quiet. He has an off day tomorrow, he doesn’t need to concern himself.

“Ah, I didn't notice you were finished.” Logan stares at him, a few conflicting thoughts in his heads. “I hope your injury heals up. I do apologize.”

“Eh…” He shrugs, looking away. “Yeah the injury was so fatal, I think I'm gonna die, doc.”

He gives a crooked smirk, before turning. “Anyway, see ya, Lo.” He gives a wave and leaves the building.

The house goes into silence the minute the door closes. Roman and Patton look at each other before looking back at Logan, who was already making his way to the office.

He knew the others were following him, but he didn't care.

He enters his office, going over to the endoskeleton and grabbing it with a concerning amount of force.

“Master Logan, what on Earth are you doing?!” Patton exclaims.

“What does it look like? I'm resetting his system. For an intelligent AI, I'd assume you'd at least know what the hell I'm doing.” He glares, before turning back to Virgil.

“I know he hurt Ethan, but you have no right to be doing this. He isn't even finished-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Logan slams his fist onto the desk, a glass knocking over and shattering on the cold ground.

“You have no right to tell me what to do. Do you want me to reset you, too?!” He shouts, snapping towards the two bots.

“Sir-!”

“No, shut up!” He growls, “I'm the only one who's allowed to hurt Ethan, got it?! Only I can touch him like that!”

The room goes silent after he says this, his breathing heavy and his eyebrows knitted.

“Patton, clean the glass up.” He orders, seemingly going back to normal as he turns to the endoskeleton. Patton silently nods, gathering up the broken glass.

No words were spoken for the rest of the night- and Virgil was temporarily turned off.

Logan was in his room, pacing. His hands go to his pockets, where he feels something inside. He blinks, coming to a stop as he pulls the paper out. Paper? Ah, there's blood on it.

He then remembers what had happened and he gets a rush of different emotions. Anger was one of them, but there was another he couldn't quite name.

The blood was dry now of course. But it was still so pretty. He traces his finger over the spots and streaks. Such a strange, yet fascinating feeling. He felt his heart starting to race.

His blood was so pretty. His insides must be just as beautiful. His skin is also so pretty. He just wants to touch him.

A few strangled laughs escape him as he hugs himself tightly. Ah, he shouldn't be thinking such things. But he couldn’t help but gush over how perfect his friend was. It's called a crush right?

Such a silly thing to say. His feelings were so complex, yet they felt so right. So good. Is this how everyone else feels?

Do they just want to open up their crush?

That must be it.

Logan smiles, still tightly clutching onto the bloodstained paper. He needs to explore these feelings more. The next time he sees Ethan, perhaps he'll test them out.

Though, perhaps he should be discrete. He wouldn't want to show his feelings and surprise the other. That could scare him away! No, he'll take it slowly if he needs to.

There's only one thing that could possibly go wrong.

★☆★

Ethan was able to sleep in today, which he was happy with. Work was getting tiring, and after the event that had happened yesterday, he didn't really feel like working and destroying his arms and back. God, he sounds old.

He sighs, taking a long sip of his tea, his leg idly bouncing and his eyes tired. He realizes that he needs to go out today, but it didn't really sound the most ideal to him.

Get food, and other necessities to survive this test called life. He throws his head back, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe he'd stop by the park. He still wanted to get some flowers, too.

A punk asshole liking flowers. How ironic. But he liked them. Maybe he could take care of some succulents. Easy and pretty.

“God that sounds so gay.” He mumbles to himself, taking a sip of tea.

Deciding on that, he hums, getting ready for the day.

He didn't exactly focus on looking good, he was only gonna be out for an hour or two, but hey he might as well try and look nice.

Adjusting his hat, he leaves his house, the sun shining down on him. It was a nice day, and the weather was warm, yet he couldn't get this strange feeling out of his chest the second he stepped out the door.

It's just anxiety, right? He's got nothing to be worried about. He takes in a deep breath, trying to push that feeling back as he walks.

It didn't take him long to get everything he needed. He still had money left over for those flowers, too. He hums to himself, checking to make sure he got everything he needed, nodding to himself.

“Should be good…” He mumbles, walking forward, only to bump into someone.

He hisses, grumbling slightly, and regains his balance. He was ready to just walk away before he sees who exactly he ran into.

“What a coincidence.” Logan hums, staring down at the liar. “I didn't expect to see you here.”

“I could say the same for you, Lo, I thought you've never seen the sun or something.” He gives a half smirk, though he was slightly annoyed. He didn't like small talk- he just wanted to get some plants without judgement.

“Where are you going?” The scientist questions, staring at the boy with an unreadable expression. He hesitates and shrugs.

“Oh, I was gonna go to that flower shop. No reason, really.”

“How funny, I was just about to go there myself. Though, I've been having trouble finding it.”

With Logan saying that, Ethan raised an eyebrow, questions bubbling inside of him, but he decided not to ask- even if this situation was a bit strange. Running into your boss and going to a flower shop- this was something straight out of a cheesy romance novel.

“I can show you the way if you want.” He shrugs, pushing back all of the questions and red flags.

“That'd be appreciated.”

After saying that, Ethan, without hesitation, grabs Logan's hand and starts walking. He didn't seem to think anything of it, but…

It wasn’t like he had to look good, though, he just felt a little special. He hums, adjusting his hat on his head and leaving the house.

It wasn’t the most eventful, but he did feel as if something was wrong, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It’s just his anxiety, right? He has nothing he needs to worry about.

Logan's heart pounded in his chest as he held onto Ethan’s hand, his eyes lidded as he savours the warmth he was getting from this contact.

It wasn't much, but it was enough to make his heart go mad, and blood rush to his face. He could practically feel his ribcage shaking from the pounding of his heart. So, so warm… So soft…

A whisper escapes his lips as he follows the boy.

“I want to cut off your hand so that I can hold it forever…” He whispers, staring intently at their hands.

"Hm? You say something?” The boy questions.

“Nothing at all, just thinking aloud.” He excuses, his eyes trailing away from the other.

It wasn't weird for him to think out loud- he had done it at work all the time after all. But concern made it's way onto Ethan's face. But, he shakes his head.

It's probably just his anxiety. Maybe he needs to get back on medicine. Who knows? But there's nothing he should have to be worried about.

They arrived at the flower shop fairly quickly, and Ethan lets go of the other's hand, walking in with a hum.

Logan didn't seem to be too impressed with it all. He had only come because Ethan was going, after all. He didn’t care for these glorified plants and succulents. But Ethan seemed to like it.

He was chatting with the shopkeeper about this and that, and Logan was left to stare and wonder what he even liked about these.

But, he did seem happy.

Soon enough, he walked back over.

“Hey what'd you come here for? We could look together.” He gives his usual crooked smile that makes Logan's heart melt.

“Oh, nothing in particular. I simply wanted to study them.”

Ethan raises an eyebrow. Always research with this guy, huh?

“Cool, I guess.” He shrugs, looking over at the succulents. He was more fond of them than regular flowers- and in his opinion, they were prettier.

He picked up a pot containing an echeveria. Logan stares at it, before rolling his eyes. How gross.

“Oh, hey, they have fly traps.” Ethan points out, pointing to a small pot containing a small garden of surprisingly tiny venus fly traps.

“Check this out, Lo.” He smirks, putting his finger in out of the mouths, causing Logan to flinch- but Ethan seemed fine, pulling his finger out with ease.

“They're not as violent as the media makes them out to be. Unless you leave your finger in there- then it could, like, digest your finger.” He laughs, looking over at Logan.

“I'd take em, but they would probably freak Dee out.”

“Dee? Who's that?” Logan asks, his curiosity spiking at the name.

“Oh, she's my snake. Despite being quote unquote ‘dangerous’, she gets spooked quite easily.” He laughs.

Logan nearly sighs in relief. Just a snake- nothing he needs to worry about.

…

Worry?

He already knows that Ethan would never leave him, right? There's no way he could. And even if he tried, he would never let him. Ethan is his, and his alone. And he'll make sure of that.

“Well she sounds… lovely.” He wondered why he even cared for the reptile. Animals are just that- animals. They can't love or communicate. What's the point of them?

“You not a snake fan?” Ethan raises an eyebrow.

“It's not that. I'm not very fond of animals in general.” He explains. “Though I can admire them from a distance.”

“Hah, aren't you the edgelord?” He jokes, nudging Logan slightly with his elbow.

He would have scoffed if it weren't for the small contact just made. He says nothing in response. Ethan puts the pot back gently, and turns to Logan, eyebrows knitting together in thought.

“I'll probably come back some other time…” He muses aloud, walking out, the scientist following behind shortly after.

“I'm headed home- what about you?” He asks, looking at the taller man.

He goes quiet. He would just follow Ethan, but that wouldn't be an appropriate thing to say.

“I'll probably go home myself.” He mumbles, never taking his eyes away from Ethan's.

“Alright, cool. Guess I'll see you tomorrow!” He gives a lopsided smile and leaves, Logan staring at his back as he does so.

Logan could feel the familiar warmth growing in his chest. It was something he had gotten used to by now. He never wanted to stop looking at him.

Thoughts swarmed his head, and he grabs the wall for support as he legs practically go weak, his breathing ragged and face unnaturally red. He gets strange looks from the few customers and the single worker there. He shakes his head, leaving the store slowly, his hand to his chest.

He wants to touch him. Hold him. Hear his voice, smell his hair, see his smile, taste his blood and insides. A strained giggle escapes his mouth.

He'd like to see the boy squirm. He wonders what his skin would look like, bruised and bloodied. The thought in itself, made him feel short of breath.

This boy will be his. His. And only his. No one else can have him.

★☆★

His collection has been going swimmingly well.

Hidden in his closet were photos and belongings. All of it was Ethan. He had completely memorized Ethan's schedule and routine. It's been a month and 3 days. Logan's given up on his own necessities just to sneak into the smaller boy's house. He knows every nook and cranny. Even a little room that Ethan never goes in.

He noticed that his little toy had been getting nervous lately, and had even confided in him, telling him that he felt he was being watched. Of course he had no idea he was confessing this to the exact person stalking him.

He giggles at the thought. How cute. Maybe one day Ethan will become entirely dependant on him… How nice.

He heard that Ethan would be moving come August. He giggles to himself. That would never happen.

Truth be told, he had tried countless times to make a robotic replica of Ethan. But, in the end, it was never good enough. Never.

He wasn't warm. He couldn't breathe. He didn't have emotion. He couldn't bleed.

But he had a plan. A plan so that his beloved would never leave his grasp.

★☆★

The moment he had entered, Ethan felt a chill down his spine. Something felt off. Like something bad was going to happen. It was almost unnaturally quiet. He felt his fears crawl up his back as he takes a few steps inside the dark home.

Logan wasn't here.

That part was normal.

What wasn’t normal was the fact that not a single robot had greeted him. No Patton, no Roman, and hell, not even a sign of Virgil.

He bites his lips, fear turning to worry as he walks into the office. But nothing.

His fear only increases before a rush of pain goes through his head. Before he can even register what had happened, the world goes black, and he hits the cold ground.

When he woke up, he expected he'd be dead, or in someone's basement, ready to get killed.

But it took him a moment to process the sight in front of him.

“... L… Logan?” He murmurs, still shaky from whatever had hit him earlier. His eyes adjust slowly to the darkness of the room, as he watches Logan, who in turn was watching him back.

“I see you've awoken. I hope I didn't hit you too hard- but I just couldn’t help myself.” His eyes go lidded as he says this, and he stands, walking to the small cage that contained Ethan.

“Y-You… What?”

Logan hums, seemingly unhappy with his answer.

“You never cease to amaze me, my beloved.” He gives a breathy laugh, leaning against the cage. Ethan could see just how red the scientist’s face is. “I had always doubted the path I chose. My dreams… They felt all on hold. But… Then you came.”

He reaches into the cage, caressing Ethan’s cheek with a cold hand, making his shiver.

“My beloved… You surprised me with just how perfect you are… When I doubt, you're my belief… Whenever you're not with me, I feel as though I could die. Again and again, you… You never fail to remind me how perfect you are.”

Ethan wanted to vomit.

“Logan… What the fuck is this..!?” He hisses out, his body shaking, and his eyes wide. Logan laughs at this reaction.

“That look in your eyes… Perfect. I wish I could stare forever.” He hums, leaning against the cage more. “My body… It's burning whenever I'm around you, Ethan.”

His eyes go wide, before laughter escapes him.

“Oh, my beloved… I just want to eat you whole.”

Ethan could vomit right now. He has to be dreaming, he has to be. Logan had been so nice to him up til now- why was this happening? What the fuck happened?!

“Don't look like that, love.” Logan purrs, and the cage door opens.

He can't even register what's going on before, once again, the world goes black.

★☆★

He doesn’t know how many days have passed. Has it been months? Weeks? He's not even sure. His little room is completely deprived of outside light.

Scars littered his body. Slits that the scientist used as lips for him to kiss.

He shuddered, remembering the feeling of the tongue inside of his body, invading his insides, wiggling like a worm.

“Don't cry, don't worry… It's supposed to bleed the first time.”

He'd vomit if he had a full stomach.

Is this his life now? Is he some sort of slave to this fucked up… demon? The demon that had taken his humanity from him. His daily life, his friends and family, the outside world, his rights as a human. All of that was in the hands of the demon he had once seen as a friend.

Hot tears burn in his eyes. He felt utterly exhausted. He just wanted to die already.

Just… Die.

Die.

Everything seems to pause as that thought came into his head. Is he really just going to let that happen?

He hears footsteps.

Is he going to let this demon take everything from him?

The sound of keys clatter.

Is he going to let himself die here?

The door starts to open.

Is he going to let this man treat him like a slave? Or is he going to take back his rights to being a human?

“Ethan, my beloved…” The man's voice lingers in the air. Ethan felt sick. “I'm glad to see you're awake..”

“Yes…”

Logan pauses for a second, before smiling. “I'm glad you're finally submitting to me. Has my training been working?”

Ethan catches glance of the familiar scalpel in the scientists hands.

“Don't worry… I'll be sure to return the love you give me.”

Logan seemed pleased with that answer, opening the cage. But, he didn't expect what happened next.

Ethan jumps, using every ounce of whatever strength he had remaining, and tackles the scientist to the ground.

“Give you back the love, my ass!”” He shouts, taking the scalpel, cutting his hand in the process. He didn't care. He didn't care at all.

“I am NOT your slave, you bastard!” He screams, stabbing down into the scientist before he could even respond. “I'm a human! And you will not take that from me, you hear?”

He growls, punching into the wound, the man sputtering and choking under him. He didn't care he didn't care he didn't care.

He punches again, his fist digging into his stomach, reaching his wriggling insides. He could puke, but he never stopped.

He sees the man. He's crying, and for a moment he remembers that he's human. But, instead, he leans in to Logan's ear.

“Hey… Don't cry. Don't worry.” He punches into the wound again, a squishing, bloody noise sounding once he does so. “It's supposed to bleed the first time, right?”

Blood covered him at this point, the man's stomach practically torn open and his intestines in a tangled, scratched up mess. He knew he was probably dead by now. He doesn’t know how long it's been.

He looks down at the body, and at himself.

He was covered in blood. His pants, his shirt, his arms. Hell, probably his face too. He doesn't care. He stands up, body shaking as he looks down once more at the freshly dead man. He can't even feel pity.

He spits on the body, turning and leaving the room.

It took him awhile, but he found the bathroom and washed off the blood to the best of his ability. He felt gross.

Leaving the house, he notices that it's night time. He so badly wants to burn the house down. Set it aflame, run, and never look back.

But instead, he simply locks the door and walks away. He knows that Logan has no other friends or family.

No one will find him for a while. No one will miss him.

His mind felt blank as he stumbled through the streets. He almost didn't recognize where he was. He was so dazed. It took him a few hours to make it back home, having to take breaks and dry heave or catch his breath.

He stares at his door, looking at his hands that were previously covered in blood. He winces slightly. He knows that this will stay with him for the rest of his life. He wanted to sleep, but time only stood still as he opened his door.

What is he going to say to his family? What would they think? He feels gross. But…

He collapses onto his bed. The familiar comfort swallowing him whole.

And he cried.

It had been a while since he's cried like this. But it felt good to finally let it all out.

There's so much he should worry about. So, so much.

So much he went through, so much he has to explain. So many thoughts, so many emotions.

He feels his eyes close.

It was at that moment he realized how ungodly tired he was. Tomorrow.

He can worry about it tomorrow.

All of his worries, doubts, fears, nausea, anxiety…

He can deal with it tomorrow. He can see his family. He can see his friends.

But that's for tomorrow.

For tonight, he'll forget everything. Leave it for himself when he wakes up. He'll forget his emotions, his fears, and the events that had happened.

He forgets it all.

And, even if it's just for that moment. Just for that night. Just for that sleep.

Things are calm.

And everything, even if it doesn't last, feels normal.

Safe.

Those are his final thoughts before the most comfortable sleep he's had in weeks swallows him whole.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #deceit sanders #loceit #sympathetic deceit #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #snake.txt #my fics #My writing #tw #theres alot to tag so #ask to tag #sorry ive been so inactive haha #i feel like im forgetting to tag something #anyway hope you enjoy

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akalegos · 5 years

Note

Could you tell us a little about your characters?

Y E S !

but due to me having at least over a thousand characters I’ll just give a quick summary of the 25 I manage to dig up over 3 sketchbooks.

Y’all can pick and choose which of them interest yall or who you wanna hear more about!

Also because I’m extra, I made sketch icons for the 25 characters, info under the cut

I’ll talk a bit more about my actual Original Characters first, starting with

Aiko! Otherwise known as Echo

- A marked individual in a steampunk world that gets mixed with magic, because I like both of those things

- Echo runs an underground lab that does helps the underground world with replacing body parts, illegal surgeries etc etc

- Even though she marked, which puts a bounty on her head already, she is well respected by the community for not cheating for your money, stealing your cash, or shanking/killing you mid-surgery

- however, Echo does long for adventure and sometimes do get bored in the lab

oh yeah,, Echo like stealing eyeballs, so if you’re low on cash and wouldn’t mind losing an eye, you know who to call!!

Bonus:

Here’s Echo’s boring, undeveloped sidekick!! I don’t like her and I don’t know how to make her better. Yes, she doesn’t have a name.

here’s my god playboy that left “heaven” due to having an early mid-life crisis, I call him God boi cause;

- He goes by many names!

tbh, he’s probably the closest character I have to being genderfluid/-neutral? I’m not sure,,

- The god has many powers, from lightning to shapeshifting

- The shapeshifting part allows him to change every part of himself, allowing him to change depending on his situation.

- God boyo, or originally Aristide, is obsessed with the idea of perfection. A god should be perfect, if a god is out of line, he is no god.

- Same goes for him, which means whenever something is wrong with him, it affects him, extremely

However, leaving the land of gods to live among humans aren’t all perks

- Aris isn’t immune to diseases or injuries. In fact, he actually fell down and died on impact when he came to earth, being reborn into another child immediately.

- He doesn’t gain his memories back automatically tho!! He has to have a major shock to the brain in order for him to remember his previous lives

- Sometimes the shock isn’t enough either, when you have a thousand over lives, you won’t remember every single one of them. So forgotten lovers coming back to haunt because your brain hates you? That’s everyday for him!

i just,, i like playing with the concepts of god,,

Up next we got Ayeka Himura! A japanese student going to a neighborhood, but still a pretty good, school living close to poverty due to her father’s constant spending habits and obsession with art supplies. With the household lacking a mother due to wacky shenanigans, Ayeka takes care of her two younger siblings and the house, all while maintaining a very well-paid job and slowly loosing interest in actually studying for a good, honest job.

also she likes birds!!

Yes her design is heavily “based” off Toga but I love her current design too much to change it, h e l p

So like,, I suck at chinese and I made ocs that exclusively spoke in chinese to help with that but I’m still stuck at 40~marks

I forgot his scar but remembered his earring i hate myself

my og chinese kiddo! he was was first to come and I love his design ever since

he radiates fuck you energy except the girl below. He’s neighbors with her and they acknowledge each other existence ever since. he has a dumb cliche crush on her and is a bit protective of her because nothing says having issues than latching onto someone that makes you happy

Only this girl got named!! even tho she was the second character.

Li Shen, yes she doesnt have a surname, is apparently main ho now, according to my old oc chart of my “main” ocs

She’s the group’s resident sweetheart and really does not want you to do stupid shit, stop doing stupid shit. She tutors my son up there ^^ even though he’s actually smart and just refuses to do his work properly. But she still deeply cares for him.

As well as the girl below shdifhd

the last girl of the ching chong trio and the reason I had to switch up my son’s design is this girly over here! Her design was too business-y and formal so I enrolled all of them into college. A rich girl who doesn’t know how to deal with her g a y thoughts. Tried sending Li Shen some flowers once. She didn’t realize attaching her name would be a good idea and son got a good laugh.

i like paranormal stuff so they apparently look into that shit in their spare time. They’re all actually really fun characters to do prompts with I swear!! send some in and I’ll write them

I had a previous concept for son and Li Shen before last girl came and if yall want me to talk about it,,, i found my sketchbook with the old ideas,,

NEXT UP IS MY OLD GIRL ELORA!!

Elora herself used to be a fan character but I pulled her out and wow\

cant fucking believe she used to be straight for Vylad

shes the outgoing, fun adventure type! bit of mommy issues here and there tho,, I don’t want to say too much since I have an entire for her +

her now upgraded bro, Vincent

i really like the name vincent,,

also now he has mommy issues

Ead, the knight who used to have armor

I hate drawing armor

he also have issues

AND IRIS MY SWEET GIRL IM SO SORRY

she doesnt have that much issues tho

basically I made elora and her bro have mommy issues, I’m sorry in advance if that spoils anything

I, sometimes, post about these 4 over on @eloradiesismydocsname and its a gay ol’ time

not that gay tho because uhh,, medieval times,, but I need prompts for a modern au of them and I am happy to talk about their personalities and even go semi in-depth for any of them!!

here we have ghoster.png,, which is her file name cause I didn’t name her,,

A horror enthusiast + film student that goes to a supposedly haunted shack to film her upcoming project with the boys. wacky shenanigans occur and the boys left leaving ghoster here to starve and eventually fall to her death. But because it’s my oc i get to bring her back from the dead, now hungry as ever and will fucking eat you, its not a kink thing, shes just that hungry and angry

tax fraud.png

a robo girl that i created during social studies cause they were talking about taxes and i just went, “what if,, a robo runs on taxes,,, and like,, she haunts you down for not paying your taxes,,” thus she was born! I don’t know what to name her but she is set in the future so-

Time to go future-apocalypse style because I love that setting too and was upset that I didn’t have any ocs in that style. So I created Alex A. ! A cybrog filled with memories of the previous generations as a sad attempt to preserve human life.

He’s accompanied by his sister/cousin idr i didn’t draw an icon for her, didnt like her design. they go on a hunt for food and to return with nothing. She gets to meet this other dude who has a plant arm im pretty sure i based him off someone’s elses oc but i cant remember. The 3 are forgotten. Kinda want to bring them back tho.

Neon! A character set in the future utopia of lazy people, where gamers rise up. its the best I can describe her story without getting too deep. She the new hacker on the block, joining the underground gang of elite hackers. She’s another one of those wacky characters that just has fun. I mean, when you know your way around codes and the world you live in is full of it, would you not take advantage of that?

as for fan characters,, uhh,, i have em

STARTING WITH MY WIFE!

Alexzandra Zara oh my god i forgot to draw her necklace and shirt

anyways,, Alexzandra is one of the more older ocs I have that didnt get a big revamp. Only an au I develop to the point I forgot the actual shows and the original cast are a little different from the source haha what? She’s the emotionally unstable german war veteran, yes the wife thing isn’t mutual, and haha shes only 27~. I cling onto her so much?? She’s hits a lot of “edgy” points but I still love her cause idk,, the story I made for her is something I hold dear cause Alexzandra was one of my first ACTUALLY DEVELOPED CHARACTER. Is it wrong to say I hold her really close to my heart? Is that weird? probably a little cringy sorry haha. I probably project a little into her which might have strengthened my love for her ack. Her story delves more into the depression very unstable needs to talk to someone side and i get scared talking about my wife’s story online so uhh, idk ask me specific questions about her, I’ll be more inclined to talk.

Dr Watts! The spoiled ass dick that stole dst Wilson’s house and yes this is a dst oc, yes im slightly sorry.

He’s just fun?? almost ran a blog with him and a friend’s oc. He’s your typical uptight old science gramps that took advantage of the fact that no one knows his real name that he calls himself a doc. He’s not. I put everything about him up to a 9-10? He’s one of those wacky characters and I love him for it! His story is really wonky tho so might need help solidifying that part

and from the angry old man to my sweet man that will adopt you even if you’re noisy or call him ginger. Pilot here is a TF2 OC I made to interact with other tf2 OCs cause some of them are fun and i wanna join in :((

He’s the Canadian stereotype, and yes, he adopted scout, that was one of my character notes.

Like the actual cast of tf2, there’s barely any real story to him. I only gave him a vague I don’t know my past but hey, i fly really really well. He participated in war unlike certain men but he’s still really nice and will only kill you if you hurt his family. Which he doesn’t know so he just considers the cast his family. He keeps mentioning a wife though, pretty sure he doesn’t have one but you do what makes you happy son.

Ai! an oc I HEAVILY revamped oh my god i hate her old vers. So if yall remember my random shouting of missing my og son, Aru. Here’s his bff. cause he barely has any actual friends that give a shit. And I just cant have that. but here’s your yandere revamped into a last minute addition. I actually feel like I did Ai a lot of justice. I don’t want to delve too deep cause I will start making charts. I’ll do that in a separate post if yall are keen

Isamu Aena! a mp100 oc I made by accident cause idk,, I was thinking about lolita fashion and all of a sudden, the actual oc I was going to make turned into a mob psycho oc. She’s one of my few ocs where her sexuality matters (she’s gay yeah) cause it plays a role in her storyline. She went from being “manipulated”/used to Mob’s wingwomen. She spots out things that can help him in the romantic department cause she’s into romance. A student of the school Mob infiltrated and a fantastic tailor, not to mention a pretty decent pyschic. wait where do models get their lolita stuff from,,

im gonna ignore that and move onto Lillian Yi! Who, i swear i did not meant for it, is very close to lloyd. I mean,, none of the ninjas were with him after s3, who you think he’d meet. Lillian is a survivor from the Great Devourour and yes I’m still pissed LEGO stole my backstory for Lillian to use for Harumi. FUCK YOU LEGO, i still love both of em tho,, The event did leave a big scar and it made Lillian job jumping for a bit, ending at Chen’s Noodles in S6~, where ya know,, stuff got better. She was a medalist for gymnastics and continue the activity, even after her parents’ death, to please others. She was already lost at the time so staying in the sport would help, right? Needless to say, after being rejected at a cop academy for youths, or something similar, she gave up for a while but got back into the idea of saving people by using her skills she already had. It helped with the weight and feelings and meeting the green ninja was a very big bonus. Also Lloyd dubbed her the “mysterious stranger” when she refused to speak in fear of her identity, slight shame, and maybe a bit of being star struck. It helped Lloyd too in a sense where he had something to distract him from Zane’s passing.

Their relationship was eventually formed, strong and almost unbreakable, except for harumi but uhh thats a different story. Throughout the seasons, they stayed close and lloyd was always comforted by Lillian went times get ruff.

Also Lillian is my most light-hearted characters and I think that says a lot

Then there’s Nite “I don’t want to be your dad”. A character that is supposed to be in the ninjago world but barely interacts with the main story and only stays in his self contained plot. He was supposed to get a bf but uhhh idk. He’s the master of shifting and streams that online, taking out small crimes, and is actually really shy and doesn’t like interacting with people.

also haha fortnite

Nora Akino, the sin of despair! its an ad thing, I think. She speaks only in a foreign language that only Odin understands and is either big gay for Ava or Maggi, she can’t pick. And yes she did drink the vial, when TITAN attacks your planet and you accidentally die, how else can you meet your family again? also my grandpa walked in and said she looks like royalty. cool-

she wouldn’t leave my hand for like,, 3 days or something

Petri, a fellow troublemaker at camp campbell’s music camp. She managed to pick the camp because apparently a parent who doesn’t acknowledge your hard work don’t read the fine print! Please let David adopt her,,

LASTLY! Yukimaru Atsuko, hero name; Gummie. She goes by Yuki and is a big dick. She’s a studious student but gets more thrills on the actual battlefield. Living with her uptight grandma and her big bottom energy bro, she has the dom energy thing going. and apparently folks on G+, or the people who comment about her, thinks she’s really pretty, which was oddly a thing back before UA. She’s the dick you can like, not like Bakugou but she will definitely want to fight Bakugou.

A gum-related quirk is not full of perks when its only your hands. I’d dive more into her like her insecurities and stuff but I’ve been here for probably 3hrs. Sorry anon.

Also I’m so sorry to anyone who reads this all the way through.

#not an ask #bkanvas' ocs #ocs

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