#im just leaving this as a started picture for now. this wasnt much work at all maybe like 15 minutes

[britneyshakespeare]

I love drawing in charcoal because when you're in the beginning of a work, instead of looking like something reasonable it's perfectly acceptable and natural for them to look like this

[kessellluvr]

˗ˏˋ once in a lifetime ´ˎ˗ nsfw!

pairing: professor!lottie x spouse!reader (i might write more for this ‘series’) wordcount: 1k

warnings: smut, vibrator use, age gap, mommy kink, fingering, dirty texing, teasing

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ taglist: @glrlsriot @chig78 @nogenderblender9358 @mayasaurusss @jadeisnothere5

You and lottie have been married for about 5 years now, she was the perfect partner for you. The day you first saw her in that café, oh damn, you fell in love with her.. that long black braid, the layered strands that framed her face so perfectly, defining her high cheekbones and that beautiful jawline. You repeatedly went to that café, praying to see her again - and well, somehow you ended up marrying that goddess.

Lottie worked alot, but she was passionate about her job - helping people to get further education to success in life. Of course, it was hard only seeing her on weekend and in the evenings, but you managed. Lottie teaches psychology and maths (sorry not sorry), you didnt have a clue about either of them so you werent really a big help. You and Lottie text alot when shes at work, just talking and when you realise she wasnt in a good mood, you decided to lighten it up a little..

“Hey Lots, i miss you..” you sent, still laying in bed even tho it was 11:30am already. Lottie could never, she’s always been an early bird.

“I miss you too.” she texted you back and oh that was dry, wasnt it? She usually uses pet names in her texts, trying to get you worked up. “You okay?” you asked her, sighing to yourself as you put the phone aside, throwing the blanket off yourself and sitting up. Your phone vibrated on the bedside table and you went to check what she replied.

“Im fine, really.” you read, raising your eyebrow and scoffing. “No Lots, youre not, talk to me. I can tell youre pissed.” you werent gonna give up that fast. As she read your message and didnt reply, you felt a little sting in your heart. Leaving you on seen? Really? Anyway, you went to get out of bed, leaving your phone on the bedside table and making your way into the bathroom. You stared at yourself for a good minute before splashing some water in your face, drying it off with a towel before going to brush your teeth.

As you finished getting ready, slipping into some pj’s and a shirt, you went to check your phone again. Still, no answer. You sighed and decided to try something else - lifting your shirt and taking a quick picture of your tummy, the soft curve of your boobs peaking from beneath your shirt. You hit the sent button and added another message “Answer me..” Fuck. That sounded desperate.

Meanwhile, Lottie saw your message - raising a brow and opening the picture, her eyes going wide as she looked at it for a while, trying not to show how much it affected her since she was literally in a room full of colleagues right now. “Jesus.. im just a little pissed off cause we got our new schedule in, i have to work full eight hours on friday.”

Your eyes lit up as you finally saw her respond, reading her message before typing “Awh that sucks.. but youll get home earlier on other days then, right?” you asked and she replied with a “yes”, you smiled - finally you could get to see her more throughout the week. I mean, that one day of working full wasnt gonna hurt, right?

“So, are you teaching right now or are ya on break?”

“just started my lecture.” you smiled at your phone, deciding to tease her a little. “mhm, im feeling horny right now.. mommy what do i do?”

“jeez, you know what to do.” you just knew she was trying so hard not to show a reaction infront of her students.

“no, tell me what to do mommy..”

“get the bullet vibrator we got you.” lottie texted back, you smiled brightly at your phone and rushed into the bedroom to get the vibrator. it was rather small, a bullet-like shape but a little bigger. it was a hot pink colour, even had tons of diffrent levels.

“hm i got it..”

“take off your boxers, turn it on lowest level and press it against ur pretty little clit.” and you did as she said, pulling down your sweatpants along with your boxers and turning the toy on lowest level, spreading your legs and pressing it lightly onto your clit - gasping as it made contact. “done” you typed out - hands shaky.

lottie left your message on seen, you didnt really notice - getting lost in yourself. the bedroom door swung open and revealed lottie, you gasped once again and lottie just chuckled. “fucking hell, you werent gonna cum without me telling you to, were you?” she teased as she walked towards the bed, undoing the buttons of her blouse and throwing it to the floor carelessly. “n-no lottie..” you stammered out, the vibrator was turned off and laid to the bedside table. “d-dont you have some lectures to do?”

“fuck that. i said i wasnt feeling well.” lottie said while going to straddle your hips, pushing your upper body down to the bed. you bit your lip, looking up at her with needy eyes. lottie smirked down at you, leaning down to press a kiss on your lips, her tounge slowly pushing in and meeting the tip of yours. her hand slipped between you both, her finger grazing over your swollen, wet clit. you moaned into the kiss, feeling her applying more pressure to your sensitive bud, slowly circling it while not breaking the kiss. she pulled her lips off of yours, gasping for air while going to press her fingers against your entrance- slowly pushing in and curling up, making you throw your head back. she started pumping her fingers faster, making you gasp and moan, you felt yourself so close to cumming already - lottie just knew where to touch you to make you come quck. your moans got louder, more desperate for release. “cum for mommy..” and you did, letting yourself get consumed by the orgasmic pleasure as you cried out her name, your thighs clenching together. lottie kept fingering you through your orgasm - until she finally pulled out and looked at you with a satisfied smile. “now, let me take a shower and we’ll continue..”

“can i join..?” you asked, still catching your breath as you looked at her with those cute eyes. “cmon then.”

━。゜AN: i know its not much, but i hope you enjoyed >_<

[bugsinshoes]

ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY

im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME

ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)

starting off:

THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)

that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:

"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)

LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)

"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch

ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN

"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch

ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything

ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT

and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS

and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)

but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)

ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE

also...

hippie ford.

hippie. ford.

i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN

im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS

im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D

[insect-library]

Little Angel☆

Chapter 2!

Little!angel x cg!husk

Notes: sorry its taken a bit, ive been a little unmotivated butttt i got this donnneeee. Anyways tell me if yall notice anything i messed up with here lolll

Word count: around 500?? Its shorter bc i was tired loll

Itd been around a week since angel had his mini breakdown, and talked to husk about agere. He hadnt fully endulged in the habit yet, only occasionally letting himself regress to calm down. He did truly want to try it as a full thing, but didnt know how to start. He started to think about this right as he walked into work, finding val and his coworkers looking at him.

"Where the fuck have you been?!"

Valentino yelled, he was definitely already pissed off. And angel probably just made it so much worse.

"I got stopped on my way here! Some asshole wanted a picture."

Angel was lying through his teeth, and hoping val couldnt tell, though he knew it wouldnt matter.

Val yelled until they were already late to start filming, and the work night went on as usual. Which just happened to be horribly.

Angel finally got to go home, tired and stressed. He decided this was the time to start this age regression thing seriously, and see if it helped at all when done on purpose.

"Im homee!" Angel yelled, knowing nobody was up. It was late, and they all most likely had work waiting for them in the morning.

"Angel?"

Husk walked slowly and sleepily out of his room, into the main front room of the hotel.

"Oh.. uh.. i didnt know youd be up."

Angel was caught off guard by him, but not upset. He needed him anyways.

"Hey uh.. husk. Would you do me a favor?"

Angel was nervous, but this was needed.

"Yknow that regression thing ya talked about? Could you.. help me get into that a bit more?" Angel sat for a second, shaking out of anxiety

"Of course you dont have to if you-"

"I wouldnt mind it."

Husk interrupted what he knew would spiral into apologies for no good reason, he was eager to help, he didnt need convincing.

Angel sat confused for a second, he didnt know what to expect but it sure wasnt such a quick answer.

"Urh uh.. okay! We could uhh.. hang out. And play.. with my stuffies.."

Angel was trying his best to get his words out without stuttering or shaking too horribly.

After getting into angels room, he headed straight to his pile of stuffed animals and immediately calmed down. He felt his anxiety leave for a minute, a calming, amazing feeling that he was only just now getting used to. He tried to get words out about his stuffies and their names to husk, but all that came out was happy laughter and little squeals.

Husk was shocked to see him like this, not in a bad way, he loved seeing angel so happy. It gave him comfort knowing angel had a way to decompress when it was needed.

Angel didnt see any problems in this moment. All he saw was his closest friend and his wonderful stuffies, he knew he was safe and he could open up. He finally gave up his doubt about his regression, and knew he was safe.

[scalproie]

HEE HO

AsuLili

3, 6, 10, 31,36

XiaoJin

1, 60, 55, 12, 10

J FROST IS LUCKY HES BLUE AND HAS ICE POWERS

(Also dont kill me for the Asulili im not as versed as you)

3. Do they wear the other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

*laughs in canon clothes swap in t8 customization* but fr i dont think asuka would willingly wear lili's clothes bc its not her style and the same would be true for lili. BUT when lili start to gift asuka clothes, I feel she would eventually wear the kinda clothes she buy for her gf herself, making asuka want to wear them in return.

6. Who would beg the other not to leave? Who has to leave to protect the other?

I FEEL like both of those would be lili. bc lili is the one making an active choice to be in asuka's life, so it would be her who'd have to swallow her pride and beg for asuka to stay, all the while being the one who'd be ready to leave to protect asuka, bc in her mind, pre-dating, she deep down would think/know that her presence isnt essential in asuka's life (it wouldnt be true but yknow)

10. Describe their first date.

When they decide to actually start dating, I feel their first date would be kinda jarring to asuka bc in her mind, she'd picture lili doing exactly what lili has always done, with the extravagance she's bring to everything, the roses, the everything... but the actual date is much more reserved bc in lili's mind, smth has changed yknow? This has a touch of seriousness to the situation that wasnt there before, and maybe, just maybe, lili is a bit more nervous about this now.

31. Can they sit side by side without touching the other or are they handsy? (lacing fingers, touching knees, etc.)

I feel asuka would be kinda handsy bc thats the protectiveness talking, she would barely even notice that shes doing it, someone would be talking to either of them about lili in particular and asuka would have to have a physical contact with her.

36. Who’s more likely to fire up the stove at 2am because the other woke up in the middle of the night hungry?

Again. Asuka. She's someone who finds concrete solutions to problems, and if lili wakes up hungry well there is only one way to solve that. "Its rotten work, especially if its you. I mean i'll do it but christ alive"

And now Xiaojin!

1. Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with ‘because I love you!’ ?

Xiaoyuuu like MAYBE post-t8, jin could end up in that situation but for the most part it'd be xiaoyu, again, pre-t8, jin would have trouble coming to terms as to why someone would do any kind of extreme actions for HIM so this would be xiaoyu's argument ender. She'd immediately be embarassed after saying it while jin bluescreen

10. Describe their first date.

AMUSEMENT PARK BABEYYY like man. Literally what better for them to reconnect as friends and get used to hang out as lovers? With xiaoyu's special interest and a place jin is sure to enjoy experiencing for most likely the first time where he get just to have fun?

12. Do they have many heated arguments? How do they smooth things over?

I dont think they have many arguments and in those, jin would be particularly apologetic anyway. His loved ones are everything to him so naturally he would try to make her heard and find together a solution to whatever problem theyre having that would have them argue anyway. That and he also feels like a "my girlfriend is mad at me. I hope I die" kinda guy.

55. Do they like watching clouds or star gazing?

Both, watching clouds turns into star gazing eventually and this is more jin's thing like he would show xiaoyu the clear sky of yakushima and she's happy to share that with him

60. Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

Xiaoyu does it sometimes bc like. she's finally found him :) but most of the time its Jin, he likes that kind of comfort to having her close to him and not being scared of harming her despite himself

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

i love living in ohio. You know why? Its cause i honestly think we have one of the funniest inside jokes in america and im gonna explain it to you.

So, if youre not from here, theres this guy. This guy named Tim Misny. Never met him myself but hes a lawyer. Now, most people have no reason to remember the name of a random ohio personal injury lawyer that theyve never even met let alone worked with HOWEVER, everyone in the Cleveland area is likely to know who Misny is.

See, mr Misny has billboards. Like, a lot of billboards. So many billboards all over and and they always, at least used to say "Misny makes them pay". This, along with him being a pretty memorable looking man makes the abundance of advertising pretty memorable. But is it funny? Not quite.

See, i have this friend. Her name is Ava. And almost every time we'd be driving somewhere, sure enough we'd see one of these god forsaken billiards. In this year alone Ava has said at least three times the following words in relation to the billboards "if this man has the money to put up all these billboards, he has the money to hire someone to make him a better slogan"

Of course my friend is right, however, it wasnt until much later that things started to change... for the worse. See, Misny did change his slogan, however, instead of making it more professional and interesting he makes it "im tim misny. You know what i do"

..... now anyone in there right mind would consider this to be extremly personal. Could he hear my friends prayers? Was the outrage of his terrible slogan so huge that he decided to change it? These answers we may never know. However the chaos doesnt end there. Not to long after he changes the billboards again, but not the slogan. Actually he does the complete opposite of changing the slogan again and gets rid of it entirly, leaving a blank billboard with nothing but a picture of his eyes and terrifyingly sharp eyebrows in its place... needless to say this was much worse than the last slogan, and these billboards have been scaring ohioans, pleguing the local public, and leaving us with more questions that's answers. Dont believe me? I have proof

I might have actually dreamt this one up but im like 70% sure one time i saw one with no text and just him on a motorcycle

[betzabobababi]

Who Would You Pick?

Hi Hi! I absolutley love this story. I kinda cried while writing it. Hope you like it! <3

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety/crying/flowers/chocolate/taking a bath/being insecure.

Type: Fluff (a little bit of angst?)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

AUTHORS POV

Not feeling like your normal self after a long day of work and then coming home and having to study you decided to do some self care. So you prepped the bathtub, lit some candles and played some relaxing music. But staying with your thoughts for a long time isn’t always the best. Especially since you had, had an an awfully tiring day. Your brain started to come up with fake scenarios. Some were pleasant, others not so much. One of those thoughts were if peter actually loved you. The rational part of your brain knew he did. But your brain was just tired and didn’t feel like being logical. So by default it started to add on to Does he really love me scenario. 

Peter’s POV

Grabbing my keys from my coat I opened the door and I immediately smelt the scent of your favorite candle burning. Oh how much I love her. I brought her some flowers and chocolate knowing she had a rough day and set them down on the table. And i found her standing in front of the mirror, hands gripping the side of the counter sink and head down, soft sniffles coming from her nose.

AUTHORS POV

“Hey hey, whats wrong?” Peter asks you clearly with that. He stands behind you and gives you a back hug and wrest his chin on your shoulder

“Oh hey, I didn't hear you get home. Im ok don't worry i just- uhm its just my anxiety getting the best of me.” You reply quickly trying to wipe away the remaining tears staining your face. With that you wriggle out out of his hug and walk out of the bathroom heading to the bed. After a few seconds peter came out of the bathroom and snuggles up besides you on the bed. 

Your thoughts and anxiety getting the best of you again you decide to ask peter what your brain kept bringing up. “Hey Pete?” you ask in a soft voice “Yes baby?” peter answers in the same soft tone you spoke in. “Lets say you are in a room with a bunch of girls…and-” 

“Do a party!” peter cut in “uhhm... I wasnt done, but all of these girls are pretty ok?” you say “okay, how pretty?” “actresses, models , singers, very very pretty, anyone you want.” you say hesitantly scared for his answer. Peter hums and put his hand on his chin pretending to think, to him he was joking. But to you it actually hurt, because what if he chose someone who wasn't you. Someone who would clearly be better than you. “Mmmm, You!” Surprised with his answer you say “Nono who would you pick? Be honest” 

“Honestly…a girl who is a model and a dancer. Who has a hot body also.” Trying to hide the obvious pain and attempting to stop the tears from starting once again you ask “who?” He says “I don't know her name but she always looks sexy…..wait wait lemme show you a picture of her.” Peter leaves your side walking into the kitchen and comes back with his phone in hand scrolling down on it. “hmmm…Aha! Here” Your boyfriend turns his phone so its facing you and you look at with with blurry eyes only to see its on selfie mode and the person he showed you was no one other than you. “But why don’t you know her name? You know….” You say now with a happier tone. “Well because I'm too busy looking at her, Y/n Y/l/n.” “Petey….I'm going to ask one more time, WHO WOULD YOU PICK!!!!” You say with a playful tone. “I’m not at the party.” 

“Y/n Y/l/n! Once again!” 

“And why me?”

“Wait wait baby, why would I be at a girls party?I don't need to go when I have you” Peter says starting to get why he found you in the bathroom crying, and why you were being so persistent on knowing who he would choose. He saw how you were proud to be his boyfriend. But he also saw the tears threatening to spill. So being the logical boyfriend he is he leaned in towards you and gave you a soft kiss which you returned with the same amount of love. Breaking the kiss he said “Y/n I love you and only you, not models, or actors, or even princesses. Because you, are my queen"

[petewentzisblack1312]

hi i wanted to ask something but also share something personal as well. my q is: do you feel like your relationship w social media has changed? meaning, do you catch / notice when you are on it for too long and you start to notice, and then you say: okay let's take a break. for me, i have been online for a long time ever since i was a kid, and now my relationship to it is i only limit myself an hour to being on my phone. as an adult now i am no longer social media "obsessed". like, when i am in school i am not thinking about online, i am present when im at school. i feel like i am really close to just deleting sm tbh. it does not grant me happiness like it used to. now as an adult i feel this need to live my life freely.

i also wanted to ask what are ur thoughts on content influencers? to me when i see these ppl i think...i could never post about everything about my life, but then again understanding that it is just a highlight reel. no one is posting every sad / frustrating thing that happens in their life as influencer, only the "great" parts.

this is an interesting question! i think ive never really had a relationship to social media where i feel like i need to post constantly or felt pressured to share everything. while im definitely the most online out of my household, compared to a lot of other people im not really very present online. i dont like using twitter, i only really use instagram to look at and post art and occasionally post a picture of my cat or nature or food on my main account, i dont really get up to much and i never use facebook unless i have to. i hate it. even here on tumblr i dont post a lot about my personal life unprompted, and this is the social media site i use the most by far. i do scroll tumblr a lot, i do watch a lot of youtube videos (though almost exclusively video essays on politics and recently also artist vlogs) and i do notice myself scrolling a bit too much, particularly when im overstimulated but instead of doing something less stimulating im anxious and looking for a distraction so i like. scroll harder. but ive never been like doing something else and thought 'man, i wish i was scrolling right now'. i dont really know. i do have trouble putting my phone down, like when i need to sleep, but i have trouble putting ANYTHING down. games, books, art or writing or projects im working on, music im listening to, i dont think tumblr is special, its just another activity for me to be distracted by.

all that being said, i did leave social media for a while. i had a really bad experience in a fandom on tumblr (not the pwams incident. that led me to step away from bandom and move to another fandom) and honestly it made me realise that the problem i had with social media wasnt that i was using it too much, but that i had a toxic relationship with the communities i was interacting with on there. the nature of my relationship to social media was unhealthy, not the fact that i had one that was a large part of my life. i think when i wasnt using any social media i actually wasnt in a great place either, because i was isolated from people id cared about, especially since i had just undergone a very traumatic incident, and because of that became very isolated from my in person friends as well, even before the pandemic pushed me away from even the acquaintances i had made. i was worried about coming back to tumblr, but i think ive grown and learned in such a way that i know how i like to comport myself in cyberspaces, and that its been good for me in a way. which is weird, but. i think id kind of have to go in depth about my life and how the pandemic affected me and the specific nature of coming of age in st lucia and stuff. which i dont want to do haha.

as for influencers. i hate the concept. i understand it, and i dont universally hate influencers as a whole, but like. theres this specific kind of content creator where the thing they are sharing is just their life and there isnt like a specific thing theyre logging, like an artist sharing their creative process and how they manage their life around that, or a chef sharing recipes, and its not like theyre doing it just to do it, they have the goal of growing a following, and theyre not advertising anything but themself, like JUST themself, as a person-brand, and i find that so deeply annoying and repulsive. and like thats strong wording its a dog eat dog world and the girlies of all genders need to secure the bag like i get it. i get it. but its revolting to me. like. the vlogbrothers werent trying to get famous they were using youtube to communicate with each other and as an open video diary and people found them to be interesting personalities to watch. right. do you get it. annoyingly i gotta put myself out there if i want people to find my art and pins and stuff so i have to fuckin. make videos. sell people on me. the idea of making vlogs makes me dry heave bc im not important i dont want to have to sell myself like im important i dont want to put my face on a camera and implicitly say with every quirky performed statement i make 'i matter, pay attention to me, i need to exist so look at me' but unfortunately i might have to. a video essay i could do. thats me saying something. but a vlog? with the goal of people finding my stuff? good god. it sounds like poison.

[pepprs]

HI so… per my last post today i did nothing but play video game ♥️. i havent done a wobbledogs post in a couple weeks in bc i got an ear infection and then my wifi adapter broke lol but here are some dogs i have loved recently... (im leaving a lot out bc.. there have been SO many since my last post. but these are like my favorite favorites over the last couple weeks)

this is vasthy! idk why i love them so much i just think she looks rly cool. a lot of the dogs she’s related to look kinda similar but.. idk she specifically just rly grew on me :D

this is PIGLET and they are just a happy little guy!! i wasnt expecting to love him so much but their pinkiness just makes me so happy and i love his little eye shape (it’s charlotte’s! in fact i may be wrong but he might be descended from her now that i think abt it? which would be funny bc of charlottes web lol charlotte and then a pig….) and also he was always just super friendly w the other dogs lol. i just loved having him around. an all around good guy

this is BEAK!!! i dont have many good pictures of her and u cant really tell from this one but she is my first dog who got honest to goodness horns out of nowhere…. and she has a UNICORN HORN at that! ive tried to keep horns on her offspring but i havent been successful yet and its rly frustrating lol but i will work on it

this is beanie! i think she’s piglet’s descendant somehow.. just an all around cool pup who loved holding dirt in her mouth <3

this is dumbo (named for those GIGANTIC wings) and he is the wobbledog equivalent of the get stickbugged meme lol. he had a difficult life bc as he got older he had trouble walking around bc his body got so long and his wings were so huge and his legs couldnt support him. so he would just do a lot of flips to move around and get stressed out all the time and i caught him in some funny poses (like the one pictured) but.. overall he did not have a good time. but i like him a lot and i wish i had done more to make sure he wasn’t in distress all the time

this is FLOCKA my absolute beloved!!!! (i FULLY meant to name him floppa after the meme bc of his coloring like the big cat… but i got it mixed up w flocka and by the time i realized my error "flocka” had already grown on me 💀💀💀) he only had 1 leg and he had a rude personality so instead of getting stressed he would get really angry.. and he absolutely STOLE my heart bc i started watching him rly closely and learning what would stress him out and removing the stressors before he could react to them badly! i was rly excited and proud of kinda coming up w a language to interact w each other... like he couldnt grab food a lot of the time so i would move it to this specific spot against his forehead that he would always get it from and things like that. idk i just love when dogs have like a unique personality or way of doing things that stands out and then i feel like i bond w them lol (throwback to charlotte 🥴) but thats flocka!

and THISSSSS is wammawink (solid green body, lighter red face... yes named after the centaurworld character 🥴) and her daughter wiggly (yellow hearts on green body, darker red / pink face)!!!!! wiggly is my first ever worm dog and bc of her i have completed every single achievement in the game except for one wing angel and i am SAURRR excited. wammawink only has two front legs (i kinda cheated by finding a dog code on the discord that i figured would give me a good chance of having offspring with 2 front legs 😭 but i nabbed her as soonas i saw her) and i had a TON of dogs w only two back legs to try to pair her with... it was actually soppy from one of my earlier posts who was the other parent to wiggly so that was rly cool since i loved them so much! i also am very amused / pleased that wiggly looks SO much like bambi.. like the same coloring and everything except bambi’s face is brown, same face shape and eye shape and pattern, etc.... so true of her <3

AND FINALLY!!!! LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!!! IS MY BABY BOY CUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am OBSESSED with his nose and as soon as i saw it i knew i couldnt let him go. look at his little paws i am SICK!!!!!! look at his EARS! HIS EYES! HIS SNOUT!!! WAUGHGHGHGGHH!!!! BABY BOY BABY!!!!!!! the pictures dont convey it (also all of these are from before he was an adult bc i was so focused on getting a worm dog when he grew up lol.. as an adult his ears and nose turned into a light purple and im still not used to it) but cub is absolutely fucking LARGE. he is maybe my biggest dog ive ever had. he was already a pretty big puppy and he maybe tripled in size as he grew up to the point where he can’t really sit inside the den now without having to bend his head. also this was more exaggerated when he was a puppy / juvenile but when he flies his wings kinda.. jerk him backwards and all over the place and splay out his hind legs? and i am SO obsessed w it its the cutest thing ever in the whole world. i love himmmmm 💓💗💝❣️💖💞💗💓💞💝💖❣️💓💓💞💗💖💝❣️💓 (also he literally picked up the fucking VACUUM and was flying with it in the first pic. icon behavior)

[blackvail22]

i know im only [my age], but im starting to accept that im never going to live a peaceful life, at least my version of it. im not going to live in a beautiful city where i can walk to a café and work from "home." im not going to have the picture-perfect friendships or relationships. im not going to have a degree in the subject of my dreams and be successful in that way. im not going to be able to live on my own. im accepting it already and embracing it to such an extent that it makes me feel dead inside. i feel like im never going to actually live, and ill be surviving all my life.

im always in a state of mental torture. even my boyfriend said this, im always negative about myself. he believes its something to do with my heart, but i think its my brain. i want to love myself, but my brain has trained me to hate myself. growing up, i didnt have many people that cared about me. i bring it up wayyy too much, but being bullied 12 years straight did something to me. there was never an escape either—my family are the biggest bullies of all.

i was taught by many people that i didnt matter. that i was fat, ugly, a cow, a bitch, a waste of space. as much medicine i take, it doesnt take away the fact that my mind hates itself.

i wish it wasnt that way. i hate the way i live.

i hate that its hard for me to clean after myself, especially in my bedroom and my computer desk. i hate that its hard for me to get out of bed each morning. i hate that its hard for me to ask people to hang out. i hate that i always question whether people hate me or not because ive had enough people in my life say they care and then leave. i wish it wasnt this way.

i know i can change. i can try and change these behaviors i dont like. i can make myself better, move forward towards the peaceful life i want... but i dont have the courage.

ive been in counseling for 10 years, depressed for even longer. my counselor tells me now that being in counseling at a younger age will work out for me in the long run. i mean, yeah, but sometimes i feel like im not going anywhere. . . im just running in circles. part of it is my fault... i dont listen to advice sometimes, and sometimes, i dont share important parts of my life, specifically how deep my depression can go. my counselor doesnt know about how i planned my death in 2020, and i saw her the month after the death date passed.

sometimes i feel like a spoiled kid. things arent bad, but theyre just enough to alter my perspective. things could be worse. i remember my counselor told me, "verbal and emotional abuse is the worst kind because theres never evidence of it happening, except inside of you." which.. sucks.

i wish things never turned out this way. i know saying this all the time doesnt change anything, and im just a baby whining at this point, but i really do. i wish i had a normal relationship with my father. i wish people didnt hate me in school. i wish i had a stable relationship with my mom. i wish i could still see my nephew, and i wish i had extended family. no one talks to me. my friends never reach out either, and i know its mostly my fault, but it gets so lonely.

i will never be the happy and beautiful person i always dreamt of being, and it stings.

[indigo474]

May 25th 2023- a little bit better than i use to be-

so much so much so much- i really should write more. i read a news story today about kids being neglected and abused. why are people so horrible? those poor babies- it makes me sad. exactly why i don't watch the news. i had someone in work tell me "they " are shooting people on 95. Really? I had no idea. she looked at me in disgust and said you really need to be more informed. I don't need to hear and read about what a fucked up world we live in to know what a fucked up world we live in. Being informed makes me sad and scared- 2 things i am trying desperately not to be. Work is going good. it's so much nicer going to work as the boss-so much better. My boss- the Ice Queen, likes me. I can tell and i am grateful. We are going out shopping together for the company picnic. I'm in charge. HA. People dislike me for doing my job. A lot of people are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. they blame me for doing MY job- the truth is- if they did their job- i wouldn't have to do mine. the Ice Queen is MOODY- I'm not sure if she is still drinking- she tends to hide in her office.

I should be getting my check-any day now. i asked MAds if she would mind moving out of our town. she's open to it-as long as we are safe and happy. i don't want to leave this town.. but i have to do what is best for me and if i cant find a place to live-- BUT i keep telling myself that SOMETHING wonderful is going to happen and the PERFECT place will be mine- i have to believe it. whats that saying- whats meant for me is mine- whats meant for me won't pass me by-

James went hard on me tonight. My knee pain is gone- i started taking a supplement- i use to take it and stopped and just started again and it works. i finally mentioned to james that during my cycle its harder to lift. Because it is- there is a huge difference. it wasnt weird to him. yeah its true- but we cant use that as an excuse- his words. tonight he upped everything-benched 105. i'm going to be sore tomorrow, i only squatted 175 this week. i need to get my ass into the gym and do my workout over the weekend. James shared a lot about himself tonight. he paid off his student loans, is getting a new car- not sure what kind- skipped a vacation with his buddies to Puerto rico because he lost 1200 on a bet- he even got out the dry erase marker and drew me pictures so i could understand what he was talking about. UFC and basketball- from what he said, and drew - it was just unbelievable how he lost the bets and he thinks its the universe telling him he shouldn't bet. he said it made him sick. he's a good person. i can tell. Kika was tired tonight- she didnt even bark when i walked up. she's such a good girl. we played a little.

my friend in work-the one who i think is on drugs and never talks about her husband. she told me her husband is dumb and useless. she's always saying she would be fine if she only had some xanax. dont say it dont say it. for months he same thing- i would be fine if i had xanax- dont fucking say it. if i had xanax i would be fine---- i know a dr. she use to see him, she called that afternoon and got herself an appointment. today she comes in and is talking so fast- too fast. i use the term friend loosely. this should be interesting- maybe she's right- maybe all she needs is xanax.

i spent all day last saturday watching porn and masturbating. i got myself a new vibrator - its dam near perfect. quiet -

im sure there is soooo much more to write about. i am tired. got my friday shift changed for the summer-every other friday im workiing 9-6. this will work out good- i can still run after work. the ice queen likes me-thank God- the right people like me-its more important i like myself-

[smokerzgore]

1:34am : it hurts more over lapping them rather in new spots. but it feels really really good it makes my body tingle my hands get a bit hot . i think im over taking something before bed seems to stop working. it sucks though. i would take something ever night. id take them and my family would come in my room and see if i was asleep and im just there high out of my mind or my siblings would walk in and id be on discord or on the phone high. i went to bed on the phone with my friend high same with one of my cousins. It sucks and its sad seeing people in the world on drugs lose there minds just to feel some type of way. and for me to sit either on call or just by myself sucks. Its sad being on call with friends high and not fully gathering what they say because im high, it makes me feel horrible the next day or just anytime they mention somthing and idr bcuz i wasnt there. all bcuz i wanted to feel high. drugs really do fuck up life. but then again while i sit here and type, there the only thing making me feel nothing. i have friends. but even than, i want to be alone with myself.

i used to drive to this lake like 10mins from my house where if you park at the top of the hill and go a little more up an sit on the table you could see the whole entire lake, i would sit there for a hour before school. wake up at 6am get there by 620ish and just sit there till 15 mins before school, id sit there and tlk to myself. there was one day, and only one person knows this but since i use this now and honestly dc about shit anymore, i sat there and cried i skipped 2hours of school because i was sitting there talking myself into kms. i texted my parents tellin them how my day was going.... gave them crap, telling them i wasn't gonna be able to pick my siblings up bcuz i had some school project or extra credit to do. i texted my older brother telling him where my cat likes to sleep so he knows where to find him when he doesnt see him when he gets home from work. i texted my little sister telling her i wouldnt make it to her game the next day bcuz i was planning to go to school for some project and telling her to do her best bcuz if not ill be mad. i started sending my bf atm money from my bank so he could help himself more bcuz he bought me to much that i could ask for i told him that i hope his football team for the super bowl wins and to make sure he wears his jersey right this time.... i took pictures of where i was and saved them. i stopped sharing my locations with aaliyah. and i sat there. i sat there and sat there. i got up look over the hill and looked down. my heart dropped and i fell back and gave up. the thought of leaving ehat i had at the time was horrible. i didnt wanna go but something in me did. i collected myself got in the car cried more banged on my stirring wheel. fixed my face and went to school went home slept. that was that. i went on as i never did anything. i should have, truly. but hey ig it was worth? cause i mean look who i have. i seen a lot of ppl come and go. i did shi, i caused shit, i was the reason, but in the end im alone your alone everyone's alone. its nothing new and will never be fixed. in the end ur alone. no one can be there truly for you. you cant get into my head . you cant get my feelings, thoughts, pain, nothing. anyways. i said i didn want to take anything tbh but im tired asf so night.

[surveysonfleek]

1635.

Who was the last baby you held? ryder. such a cutie pie. Would you ever dye your hair blue? id never do my whole head, thats for sure. How many people do you know that have a great sense of fashion? i think about two particular people straight away. no shade but no one in my immediate circle of friends have a distinct style. What age did you start feeling grown up? haha maybe 27. time really does fly Do you get annoyed easily? i hate repetitiveness and rudeness. if either or both of those things are involved id get annoyed easily

Yellow or green? green, ive been liking green lately Have you ever been on a cruise? yes, it was super fun! id love to go again (maybe for my honeymoon) Are cats one of your favorite animals? nope. i didnt grow up around cats so im a bit apprehensive around them How much sleep do you normally get each night? 6-8 hours Do you listen to heavy metal music? haha back in 2008, not anymore What’s your favorite song that has come out here recently? ive succumbed to damn jack harlow! first class is so catchy If you were to get a piercing, which would you like? What piercings do you already have? probably more piercings in my ear How many pictures do you have in your camera roll? thousands. i added back all my photos from my past iphones so i have the entire history now haha Have you ever done an internet challenge? i dont think i have Why did you last leave the house? groceries What is the last thing you purchased online? something from amazon, i was half asleep buying shit at 3am in the morning When did you last get a hair cut? a couple months ago Do you have layers in your hair? nope Do you have any half siblings? no What has recently annoyed you? not being able to sleep last night. im running on 4hrs sleep :( Do you get along with your exes? - How many pairs of jeans do you own? i rotate through the same 5 lol. i need more! What all have you done today? my day just started. i woke up, went to do groceries and now im back home When did you last go to a theater? last year i believe, i watched hamilton Who did you last compliment? idk hahaha Have you ever been pulled over by the police? yes, yearsssss ago when i got a speeding ticket Have you ever been banned from anywhere? nope When did you last purchase a balloon? What was the occasion? i bought it years ago, a big pack for work so we could decorate coworker’s desks on their bdays What is your typical weekend like? food, friends, staying in.  Do you ever use self checkout in stores or do you prefer waiting in line for an employee? i always do self service unless i have a really big trolleys of things What is the last fruit you consumed? does coconut water count? Are you a jealous person? not really. i always feel a pang of jealousy but its very short term, like a 5 minute thing haha How do you unwind after a stressful day? laying down What was your first kiss like? just awkward Have you ever done one of those inflatable obstacle courses? nope How old will you be next year? welp.  Have you ever had a buzzcut? no How long can you stand being in a car before you get bored? well my fiance and i just did an 8hr roadtrip 9 (each way) on the weekend. i didnt think i could do it but it honestly wasnt that bad, especially when we took turns driving.  What’s the last frozen thing you consumed? coconut water What’s your favorite bird? toucans!

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

I honestly cannot even begin to explain how much the siblings actually messed up the 1960s man but im going to break it down maybe:

Allison will most likely earn a place in history books around the civil rights movement, first she started protests and then was linked to the assassination of JFK, she’ll definitely be in there (all of them most likely but I imagine allison the most)

Klaus started a cult using many famous song names, song lyrics and more which means some of the artists in the future will not actually use the phrases/songs/band names or will be confirmed to be members of his cult

he probably earned a really large following after his cult basically got advertised on TV, which would leave a lot of people looking into his cult and subsequently joining

and how much tax did he evade please i would like to know

they probably caused the biggest conspiracy theory ever:

-They appear to have not existed at all before the year 1960, there will be no record of any of them

-Probably the most unusual mix of people, a black rights activist, an escapee from an asylum, a cult leader, a russian spy, a boxer who works for a gang and a child that they are keeping ‘hostage’

-Their pictures would be aired all over television, newspapers, posters, everywhere and probably became the most well known faces in the world

- and then theyre gone, never seen again 

I think Elliot dying also would of caused a massive scene that they were once again linked to, someone would stumble across his body that was never buried or realise the tv shop owner hadn’t been seen in days? weeks? months?

and when they go in they would find öga för öga written in blood on the floor

the frankel footage of a completely different assassination of JFK

photos of all the academy on his wall along with all his other conspiracy theories

so now theyre all linked to JFK, elliots death and aliens probably

lets not forget the media said they were holding Five hostage, a child hostage, thats some serious business for a group that will probably be called a terrorist group as they are a group plotting against the american government and they just kidnapped some random kid

Vanya being called a russian spy having connections with the assassination would probably cause some h u g e tension between countries with arguments where russia would probably be like ‘listen america we genuinely never seen this random woman before’

Jack Rubys gang would be getting a lot of attention because of Luther, they would basically have to drop out of sight for a while because of their connections 

Diego being an asylum escapee probably changed completely how asylums are ran, which is obviously i guess a minor thing but still a change

at the end of the day no wonder Reginald didnt adopt the siblings, it wasnt because of the meal it was most likely because of being the most wanted people in america

what would people say if reginald raised the og siblings, baring in mind reginald is basically a famous inventor and billionaire who publicly shows the academy to the media, and his adopted children look identical to the most wanted criminals in american history and also a child that was held hostage and then was never found

it would cause quite a stir

they really did the most in their power to change history

[hotch-stufff]

can i get angst 47 with gibbs 👁👁

Bruises

gif is not mine

Paring: Gibbs x Reader

Warnings!: mentions of abuse, angst, crying, comforting, abusive relationship, cursing, mentions of injuries from abuse

Prompt: "You flinched"

-------------

I laid on the ground, not having enough energy to stand up. I couldn't move, and God did it hurt to breathe. Probably a bruised rib, would definitely have some bruises to add to the collection.

Hopefully nothing bad enough to send me to the hospital. The last time I did that, well it was just really bad, and Darren was pissed. So pissed that when we got home, he beat me all over again.

Now I know what you're thinking. What is a federal agent doing staying in an abusive relationship like this? Truth is, I had no idea. At first it was because I thought the beatings would eventually stop, but they didn't. And after realizing they would never stop, I tried to get out. But that only left to another hospital trip and threats. The threats were the only reason that I stayed.

Darren threatened a lot of things. He threatened to beat me so bad I couldn't move. To kill me. But the worst was that he threatened to hurt my team. He knew the whole team, he knew them really well. He worked at NCIS for God's sake, just not on Gibbs team. And that was enough for me to stick around.

Of course, it should be known that it wasn't always like this. Darren was a good guy in the beginning. He brought me flowers and took me out to nice restaurants. He made time for me, and I did the same for him. But then, he didn't get the open spot on Gibbs team. I did. And it all went downhill from there.

The bruises were getting extremely hard to hide. Turtlenecks and long pants were becoming my everyday wardrobe. Which wasnt the easiest thing to work in, but foundation was expensive, and Darren spent most of our money on alcohol or cigarettes. Whatever his weekly fix was. It was ... exhausting. The front I had put up in front of everyone was tearing me down, and people were starting to notice.

Tony and Ziva, who sat closest to me would send me a concerned glance each time I winced when moving. I blamed it on muscle pain, from working out so much.

Abby would see the amount of makeup I was wearing and would ask if I was okay. Of course she just thought I was insecure. She would always tell me that I was bueatiful and that I didn't need makeup. It warmed my heart each and every time she said it.

Palmer was concerned because he had caught one of my bruises. It was on my wrist and my sleeve had rolled up slightly. He had asked about it and I had told him the first lie that popped in my head. That I had fallen. He had taken me straight to Ducky to make sure that it was actually okay. Which is how Ducky got involved.

And then there was Gibbs. Gibbs didn't ask questions, he didn't push for answers, he didn't send me concerned glances. But I was certain he knew something. He didn't know what was actually going on, because he would beat the shit out of Darren if he knew. But he just seemed like he knew something. I knew that if I was going to go to anyone about my "issue", it would be him. Gibbs had been there for me since I had joined the team. And we both had spent plenty of late nights in the office talking. Me, avoiding going home to Darren and him not wanting to go back to his empty house.

Everyone had said that Gibbs was this hard man that never opened up and remained silent most of the time. But boy once he got talking, he never shut up. We talked about eveything. And sometimes nothing, just enjoying each others presence. And if I'm honest, I may have been developing feelings for the guy. But I could never do that, because Darren would probably kill him. And that scared me more than anything.

But life seemed okay. Atleast I was the only one getting hurt.

Of course until it all came crashing down. And it had just been a normal day.

* * *

I sat at my desk, working on and endless stack of paperwork that came with each case. We had just wrapped one up, a good ending thankfully. The team was in high spirits, talking about going out to a bar tonight. But I knew Darren wouldn't have it. I had turned down the offer, instead opting to sit and do paperwork until I had to go home.

Everyone had left for the night, leaving me alone in the bullpen. My hand was a scribbling away, when I had felt the gentle tap of a hand against my shoulder. I should have been more careful, but I had thought it was Darren. So I flinched away from him and crossed my arms in front of my face.

"Y/n?" Gibbs. It was Gibbs. That was it. Just Gibbs. I instantly pulled my arms down and straightened up.

"H-hey Gibbs. What um, what can I do for you." He just stared at me, giving me the usual Gibbs glare.

"You flinched." I grimaced. Of course I did. I didn't want him to find out like this, but I guess this is how its gonna go.

"Um- I, I. Well you see Gibbs-" he cut me off.

"Is someone hittin ya?" He paused thinking, before remembering my oh so lovely boyfriend. "That son of a bitch."

"Wait Gibbs. Its not what you think." But the damage was done. He was going through everything in his mind. My clothes, the grimaces everytime I jerked around, the excuses, the late nights avoiding going home. It all made sense to him now.

"Take off your shirt." My eyes grew wide.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." There was no avoiding this, he wasn't letting me off easily. I took a deep breath before grabbing the bottom of my turtleneck and bringing it over my head. His breath hitched when he saw the bruises that littered my skin.

"My god y/n." He shook his head, running the rough pads of his fingers up and down my arms. "Gonna kill him." And he stood back up, turning quickly before stomping towards the elevator. I slipped my shirt back on and ran after him, but he was already gone. I hurried down to the parking garage and jumped in my car speeding off.

He was gonna kill him. Although who would kill who, I didn't know.

I broke just about every speeding law on the way to my house. When I got there, the door was kicked open and yelling was coming from inside the house.

"Gibbs!" I shouted, running as fast as I could. I walked in the door and gasped. There was glass littering the floor, and picture frames scattered across the ground. I walked further in the house and found them in my kitchen. Gibbs on top of Darren, repeatedly punching him in the face.

"Gibbs! Stop!" I ran to him, pulling him off of Darren. "Stop, he isn't worth it." I pulled Gibbs up by his arm and dragged him away. But he wasn't finished.

"Ya ever go near her again, you're gonna wish you were dead. We'll come back for her stuff, you better not be here when we do." I wanted to cry, to scream, to shout. But I held it in, grabbing Gibbs more forcefully and dragging him back outside.

Once outside, we hopped in his car, and he began driving back to his house. Saying I was grateful was an understatement. Grateful that it was finally over. That maybe I could sleep at night now without worrying about waking up to another beating.

The ride was driven in silence, and soon we were at his house. He got out of the car and walked inside, leaving me out here by myslef. I walked in after him.

I found him in the the kitchen pouring a glass of Bourbon. I came up behind him hugging him.

"Thank you." He froze for a minute before turning in my grasp and brining me into a tight hug. And thats what started the tears. We stood there as I cried into his chest for what felt like forever. Until he finally pulled away and cupped my face.

"Ya didn't deserve any of that. Don't know what happened, or when it started. But ya didn't deserve any of it. You are beautiful and loved and noone should ever have to be treated the way you were." He paused and I began rambling out whatever words came to my mind.

"It was you. I stayed because he threatened you. He said he would hurt you and the team and I couldn't let him." He leaned his forehead against mine. The tears pouring steadily down my face, sobs racking by body.

"Shh, shh. Sweetheart its okay." He leaned in slightly, our lips brushing slightly. And then he leaned in the rest of the way, kissing me into he most gentle way he could. So much different than the bruising kisses that Darren would give me. He broke away after a second.

"Dont know if your ready for it, but I love ya." He said softly. "We can do this, if you want. At your own pace. I just want to show you whats its like to be loved the right way." I nodded.

"I might need some time. But I love you too... Jethro." He smiled.

"Take all the time you need. But m'not leaving your side." I giggled softly as he brought me into another hug. And I stood there whispering thank yous and I love yous until we headed off to bed. I hadn't felt this safe in a long time, and I never wanted to let this feeling go.

-------------

Hope you guys enjoyed this one. I'm really enjoying writing for Gibbs. Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! Im so sorry if I don't get to your request! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[rommahh]

I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break.  Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.  

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two